#internalized transphobia cw

[dyspunktional-revan]

The guilt about not being “trans enough” 🤝 the guilt about not wanting to be cis anymore

#internalized transphobia cw #leviathan.txt #personal #genderposting #guess I’ll make a tag for that

[freezeher]

5, 7, and 9 for the sexuality & gender asks!

𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 .

5. when did your muse first become aware that they’re not cis?

ethel suspected from a young age, around four, that she wasn't like other boys in shady grove. she has fond memories of fishing with her father, watching nascar with the family, but she'd also cast longing glances to little girls in their skirts and ask her mother and grandmother to do her makeup or if she could wear their clothes. her smiles were never wider than when these wishes were met. of course, this raised suspicion in her parents as well as around town if the cain child was gay. being so young and part of a baptist household, this hadn't even crossed ethel's mind. the more she thought about it and the more she grew, though, ethel feared her desires for more feminine things; tried to choke it out, pray it away -- this only made her feel worse. she only truly accepted that she was a girl and not who she was trying so hard to be after her father's passing when she was 9.

7. how public is your muse about their gender / sexuality / romantic attraction?

after joseph's death, ethel is much more comfortable expressing her gender identity in fashion, makeup, pronouns, etc, though she is still very much repressing her sexuality. it's quite hard to be prideful, let alone out as a trans woman for ethel in a place like shady grove, and she grapples with her identity and her relationship with her faith pretty much her whole life. at times, questioning if she's being punished for embracing who she is. if she survives isaiah, ethel casts her doubts about all this aside as she's tired of denying herself the happiness she's sought for so long.

9. how much does your muse’s gender identity and presentation differ from one another? is this a source of issues, or does the relationship between the two feel natural?

as ethel ages and learns to cope with her hardships, she becomes more at ease with her femininity and how she presents herself, which is pretty traditional. she likes flowy skirts, blouses, light makeup and simple jewelry and she tends to wear these things if she's going to be in a public space to pass better.

#transphobia cw #internalized transphobia cw #ask to tag. #curseplay #╰ * . ♱ ⸺ 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 . about #╰ * . ♱ ⸺ 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐢'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 . messages

[faithisland]

end of screenshot

this is actively just malicious.

painting this strawman like we are claiming actual radfem ideology are you fucking kidding me

no one has ever said that. we point out that gay cis men face these same issues, that MOC do, that disabled men do. this is in EVERY. SINGLE. post refuting him.

he is now officially actively intentionally mischaracterizing the transmasc community

#if anyone has EVER said that #absolutely everyone at the forefront of this conversation would immediately call out their internalized radical feminism #absolutely NONE of this has to do with biological assignment making us inherently oppressed #that is absolutely SLANDER #it is about being someone who society wants to be a woman #and actively choosing to be a man #and rejecting the responsibilities of womanhood #at best that is the most bad faith reading possible #cw transphobia #cw transandrophobia #and to link it with cis gay men #ITS THE FAILURE TO PERFORM MANHOOD CORRECTLY #both at once #bc transphobia doesnt HAVE to make sense guys #they are not trying to be internally consistent #disclaimer: i used internalized wrong in these tags but i will not be rewriting all of them :) have a nice day

[sereneabyyss]

Been thinking about transfem Shen Yuan in the way that she was fully convinced she was a guy all of her first life and obviously the reason she was uncomfortable in her body was because her body was sick and just didn't feel great no matter what nothing weird there and then she transmigrates into sqq and the original goods were biologically female and she just sits there and goes "OBVIOUSLY THE REASON I FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE IN THIS BODY IS BECAUSE IT IS A HEALTHY BODY MHM YEP NO OTHER REASON NO ITS NOT BECAUSE I LOVE HOW SOFT MY HAIR IS OR BECAUSE I CAN DRESS FEMININELY IN CUTE COLORS THE WAY IVE SEEN GIRLS DRESS ONLINE NO NO ITS BECAUSE IM IN A HEALTHY BODY AND IM PRETENDING TO BE A GIRL NO IM NOT A GIRL NO WAY"

#svsss #scum villains self saving system #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #cw internalized transphobia #maybe? #tagging it just in case #but it's very par for the course with shen yuan so #shen yuan going through both a sexuality and a gender crisis #L to Shen Yuan everyone point and laugh

[therizino-ao3]

MCYT Yuri Week Day 4: Transgender

@mcyt-yuri-week

Pairing: Gem/Pearl (Gempearl)

Summary: Gem struggles with her identity, but as it turns out, her girlfriend was trans all along too.

Contains: kissing/making out, transfem!gem, transfem!pearl, gender dysphoria, internalised transphobia, gender envy (in a negative, I'll never be her kinda way)

Getting dressed in front of a mirror was a bad idea.

She knew that, obviously. But, well, she wanted to look good for tonight. Staring at herself, it was a wonder she ever even thought that was possible to begin with. Her shoulders jutted out far too wide and her face was far too square and jagged and she could see the bump of her adam’s apple. She was a deer-hybrid – and as proud of her hybrid status she was – she hated the thick, dark hair that crawled over her skin. The dress was so cute when she picked it out, but now, she felt so much like a boy playing pretend.

She forced herself to look away. She shouldn’t dwell on the negative thoughts. Tonight was going to be a great night! She was going to be with Pearl, watching movies and eating dinner. Pearl – her amazing girlfriend and also her greatest source of gender envy. She couldn’t help it. Pearl looked so pretty and amazing and even though she was tall for a woman and sometimes wore masculine clothes like suits – was still so undeniably feminine. Pearl – who she had been dating for a few weeks now – and still didn’t know Gem was trans.

Logically, Gem knew it would be fine. She wasn’t the only trans hermit, plenty of others were out and everyone supported them, but the idea of telling Pearl still made her heart twinge with fear. She had come so far and had been stealth for so long, the idea of someone else knowing? It was terrifying. But, it was Pearl. Pearl who was the most understanding and caring person ever. It would be okay. She had to keep telling herself that.

She finished the last details on her hair and make-up, took a deep breath, and sent Pearl a text.

-

It was several hours later and all her previous worries had floated out of her mind. It was so, so, so easy to forget when Pearl was right there and laughing with her and reminding Gem how beautiful she was. Her nails were painted and they were rewatching Legally Blonde and they were lazing about on the sofa, messy paper plates discarded on some coffee table – and just doing that, she felt so much like a girl her heart could burst. She turned to Pearl and Pearl turned to her, smiling.

“May I request a kiss?” she asked in her sweetest voice, leaning over.

“You may always request a kiss, Gem!” Pearl said, pulling her over the rest of the distance and bringing their lips together.

It was far from the first time they’d kissed, but it still felt surreal. Pearl’s lips were so soft against hers, brushing so gently, like fingers tracing along antique pottery. Gem buried her hands in Pearl’s silky hair and melted into her, opening her mouth and pressing as close as she could. Pearl reciprocated, deepening the kiss. They continued, somewhere along the way Pearl pausing the TV, so the room was filled only with their soft hums and moans and gasps. Gem brought one of her hands to Pearl’s waist, holding her. In return, Pearl rested a hand on Gem’s thigh, stroking up and down.

Gem stiffened and pulled back, “Wait, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Pearl paused, “Do you want me to stop what I’m doing?” It was a genuine question.

“No, it’s fine. It’s lovely, actually! I just… need you to listen.”

Pearl nodded and stared at Gem, waiting.

This was so much more nerve-wracking than she thought it’d be, “I- I’m transgender. As in, a trans girl. And I haven’t like, taken any hormones or had any surgeries or anything. I just… thought you should know.”

Pearl blinked and then smiled, sweetly, “Well, thank you for telling me. Y’know, Gem, I’m a trans girl too! And even if I wasn’t, it wouldn’t affect a thing. I love you for you, not for some body parts. And, if something I do ever makes you dysphoric, just ask me to stop, m’kay?”

Gem stared, having so much to take in. She felt like she was tearing up, “You’re trans as well?”

It felt impossible to believe. No matter how much she knew it wasn’t true, sometimes she felt like as a trans girl she’d never be as “real” a girl as a cis girl. But, knowing Pearl – a beautiful, confident woman – was just like her, it… made everything feel so much more possible. She hugged Pearl.

“Aw, Gem! I am indeed, and it’s lovely to know my girlfriend is too,” Gem felt Pearl bury her face into her hair. Gem felt like she was going to explode out of… something. Something positive, for sure.

“Can we just cuddle for a bit?” Gem asked, still desperately, desperately, in love with Pearl, more than ever before, even. But, right now, she didn’t feel like kissing.

“I have no complaints,” Pearl said, squeezing her girlfriend tight.

#please head the warnings! there is a LOT of gender dysphoria and internalised transphobia in this one #love projecting my trans issues onto fictional little guys. and then giving them supportive friends/partners #late because I had no free time during the week :( #mcyt yuri week #mcytyuriweek2023 #hermitshipping #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fic #therizino writes #fanfic #gempearl #geminitay #cw gender dysphoria #cw internalized transphobia #not maintagging pearl in case she sees... i would die

[purgemarchlockdown]

Good girl to me is just Aggressively Gendered language. Its part of why I like Trans Amane so much. It works in so many contexts, she wants to be a good girl because she wasn't Born a girl and wants to become one. He wants to be a Good Girl because he's Supposed to be a girl and he can't change that can he? It Has to be a good girl because if it's not a boy and not a girl what the hell Is It? I think about it a lot

#the trans amane agenda #cw internalized transphobia

[bastard-aziraphale]

love the kiddads bc i can project such weird niche shit onto all of them. anyway welcome to my ted talk on how sparrow is cannonically transfem but doesn’t ever really Come Out(tm) because she’s made a pro/con chart and it simply did not rank above her desire to conform and to mirror lark and to fix what she started in re: the doodler

#cw internalized transphobia #sort of??? #anyway i was closeted for years because i didn’t think the rewards outweighed the risks #and specifically because i was concerned about professional opportunities #and i just really feel like reading sparrow’s Whole Thing through the lens of a girlhood that never was and a womanhood that will never be #is just. Ough…. #THAT SAID I THINK SPARROW SHOULD INSTEAD BE HAPPY AND GENDERFUCKY AND SILLY AND I WILL ALWAYS MAKE HAPPY TRANSFEM SPARROW ART #but as far as canon like. i Fully believe that sparrow realized she was trans then sighed and put that on a shelf for later #dndads #yells into the void.txt #also tumblr user jayferins please know that i literally cannot he/him sparrow anymore bc of ur influence

[gemwolfz]

since i am not sure if or when i will ever get back to that coming out day posting i will instead post full platoon headcanons here 🔥🔥🔥 under a cut because i intend to maintag and some people may not give a shit. also i expect to ramble. appending a big "to me, anyway" to all these because if i said that fifty times in the post it would be repetitive

keroro's gender is most accurately described as multiflux! he identifies with multiple genders at the same time- male, female, keronian genders you wouldn't get, exclusive genders only keroro understands- at different intensities at different moments. he mainly uses he/him, because, like, he's employed, but he appreciates being referred to in less masculine ways every now and then. because he's kind of a pretty girl ngl. he's also pansexual (i don't personally make a distinction between bi and pan, and usually default to the term bisexual, but idk keroro seems like someone who would label himself as pan dont ask me why) with a preference towards men. hey i can add nonqueer headcanons here too cant i. his ass has so much ADHD. also i posted yesterday that his behavior closely fits the description of narcissistic personality disorder HOWEVER thats a condition i dont know much about so im hesitant to decisively headcanon it for him yknow

tamama is bisexual (personally i have not witnessed proof of tamama caring about girls but the wiki is so confident about it that. well bi erasure would be bi erasure. we aint about that here 🫡) and also transgender 🔥 he's in the keronian version of the Awkward Transmasc Phase where if you're not read as a woman youre usually read as a middle schooler, and used to be more self-conscious about it, but since he's transitioned socially- he's tamama-kun within the platoon, and most pekoponians are completely unaware he was ever seen as a girl to begin with- he's quite happy with where he is now! anyway you know how i mentioned in one doodle post that i hc that fully metamorphosed female keronians are larger than males? well, being a bit of a brawler, tamama isn't really opposed to that concept, so although at his age Frog HRT would most likely trigger metamorphosis, he'd prefer to wait and metamorphose naturally before Starting Tesfrogsterone. best of both worlds! this trans frog is gnc and theres nothing you can do about it 🔥🔥🔥

giroro is bisexual. that's all he would have answered with in the coming out day posts because if youre cisgender whats the point in mentioning your gender right? anyone can tell he's a guy. look at that sharp, angry-looking brow, that big, gnarly scar, those monstrous fangs. those could only be appreciated on a man. and that's good, right? a soldier should be tough and intimidating. he's perfect. he should be proud. he says he is. so why is he so tired...? he shakes his head, and goes back to cleaning his arsenal. he's just frustrated that the invasion isn't going anywhere, that's all. really. Sorry i think i got possessed where was i. um i think giroro can also have little a autism as a treat

kululu is aroace, with no particular interest in seeking either of those types of relationships, romance averse but neutral towards sex. and he's apagender: he doesn't particularly care what gender people see him as. he does have his quirks- he enjoys presenting himself as girly every now and then, and is quite amused by being referred to as an "it" on occasion- but he considers these things more of a hobby or performance art than parts of his gender. just a bit of seasoning, some excitement. never let them know your next move. anyway hes also audhd (adhd autism combo pack). his headphones are noise cancelling, without them he will hear all his computers and the lights and the air conditioning and he will become the joker. i've also considered giving him Unique Alien Chronic Pain- i've got this kind of jokey headcanon where he secretes capsaicin due to his diet, sort of like a poison dart frog, and i thought an interesting consequence of that would be if that caused a constant burning feeling on his skin- but like idk if that would be a good idea? chronic pain is also not something i know much about

dororo is male, for all intents and purposes, but he doesn't care much about the label. he doesn't really believe in the gender binary these days, which is something he learned from living with koyuki; binary gender doesn't really exist in nature. he doesn't label his orientation, either, but for different reasons: being a professional assassin with a strict regiment doesn't really give a person much opportunity to explore in that area. he was never really in the dating scene, and doesn't expect to be thrown into it any time soon. if your relationship with the most loyal and taskfocused soldier you know is holding strong after you choose to defect from your planet and protect the one he's trying to invade, it's hard to imagine anything that could possibly break it down, you know?

i feel like this should have some kind of conclusion or something instead of just ending but idk lol. you get bonus headcanon which is that fuyuki is transmasc swag to me. aaand post

#cw internalized transphobia #<- youll never guess who thats for (sarcasm) #sgt frog #keroro gunso

[prince-in-splendour]

Boys can be cute. Girls can be handsome. Someone can be all four or those things, or none of the above. What brought this on?

@suddenlyauntiemaya

...i dunno. boys don't do that kinda pretty stuff. it's weird and gross. isn't that just how it is?

#cw internalized homophobia #cw internalized transphobia

[nakdraws]

poem about being real awkward in a uni pronoun circle after being pressured into detransitioning

#poetry #transphobia cw #well. internalized. #For Some Reason I Still Admired Trans People And Thought They Were Cool

[ofyourmightyharmxnies]

// lmanbur kinda already figures out that he's transfem but he's also like "I still like using he/they pronouns?? i still like being called father, dude, man, or guy?? am I trans Enough??" and thst makes her deeply confused about who she is. rev doesn't give s fuck anymore and has already embraced being a masculine-presenting transfem girl

#admin talks !!! #cw internalized transphobia

[dyspunktional-revan]

I am not a traitor to cis women I am not a traitor to cis women I am not a traitor to cis women I am not a traitor to cis women I am not a traitor to cis women

#internalized transphobia cw #personal #vent #leviathan.txt #genderposting

[vague-humanoid]

#transphobia cw #internalized homophobia

[alex-unjust-vibing]

[Unjust is standing in the bathroom, head in his hands, silently crying as to not draw attention to himself.]

w̴e̷ ̸a̷r̸e̵ ̸m̶u̴c̴h̸ ̵t̶h̵e̶ ̵s̵a̵m̵e̴ ̶h̷e̷r̷ ̶a̷n̸d̵ ̶i̷.̷ ̵ ̴i̶r̵r̶e̴d̶e̸e̷m̷a̵b̷l̸e̴ ̸w̴e̵ ̷b̴o̶t̵h̵ ̴a̸r̶e̶.̴

̵

̵i̴ ̷d̵o̶u̷b̴t̴ ̵h̷e̵r̵ ̷w̸h̸e̵n̴ ̶s̷h̷e̸ ̵s̶a̷y̶s̷ ̶s̷h̷e̵ ̸i̴s̵ ̴g̶o̸i̴n̷g̸ ̴t̸o̷ ̶t̴r̴y̴ ̷t̸o̵ ̷b̴e̶ ̴b̵e̴t̵t̷e̴r̴.̷ ̴i̵ ̵k̸n̶o̷w̶ ̵b̷e̸t̴t̷e̷r̴ ̸a̵f̵t̶e̶r̴ ̸a̴l̴l̸.̷ ̶v̶i̸l̸l̷a̵i̴n̴s̴ ̶d̷o̶ ̷n̸o̴t̷ ̸c̵h̴a̷n̵g̶e̵.̴ ̵i̶ ̴d̴o̴ ̴n̵o̵t̸ ̶c̶h̶a̸n̷g̷e̶.̸ ̸s̸h̷e̷ ̴d̷o̶e̵s̷ ̵n̶o̸t̷ ̶c̵h̸a̷n̸g̸e̷.̴ ̴s̴h̵e̶ ̵w̷i̴l̵l̴ ̸n̸o̶t̸ ̴c̶h̸a̵n̶g̶e̶.̵ ̶i̸ ̷w̵i̴l̵l̸ ̸n̷o̶t̶ ̶c̷h̵a̷n̶g̵e̸.̵ ̴i̶ ̸w̸a̷n̵t̷ ̸t̶o̸ ̶b̷e̴ ̴b̶e̸t̴t̷e̸r̶.̶ ̶p̴e̷r̶c̴h̵a̵n̸c̶e̶ ̸s̷h̶e̸ ̷d̶o̴e̴s̵ ̷t̷o̷o̷.̵

̵

̴o̷n̶e̸ ̷w̴o̷u̸l̶d̶ ̶t̷h̸i̵n̴k̶ ̵t̷h̶e̵r̴e̷ ̶i̷s̶ ̸o̶n̸l̷y̶ ̶u̷p̵ ̶f̶r̸o̷m̸ ̵h̸e̷r̵e̶.̶ ̵b̷u̶t̵ ̶t̴h̵a̴t̴ ̶i̶s̸ ̵f̴a̴l̶s̸e̸.̵ ̸t̸h̸e̸r̵e̸ ̵i̵s̸ ̵n̸o̴ ̸f̸l̸o̸o̸r̶.̵ ̵i̸ ̴w̸i̵l̵l̵ ̷s̸i̵n̶k̴ ̶f̴u̴r̵t̸h̵e̵r̸ ̶a̶n̸d̴ ̴f̵u̸r̸t̷h̶e̴r̷ ̶u̸n̴t̶i̵l̵ ̷i̵ ̷a̷m̷ ̸k̷i̷c̷k̵e̷d̷ ̵o̵u̷t̶ ̷o̴f̴ ̵h̸e̴l̷l̷ ̵f̶o̵r̸ ̵b̴e̷i̶n̷g̴ ̵t̷o̸o̶ ̵r̴e̴p̵u̵g̵n̶a̸n̵t̴.̷ ̴s̵h̷e̵ ̶m̸i̷g̸h̵t̴ ̵n̶o̶t̸ ̸e̷v̵e̸n̷ ̷q̸u̷a̴l̵i̶f̷y̵ ̴t̷h̸e̵ ̶f̷i̴r̷s̷t̵ ̴t̵i̷m̸e̴.̵

̸

̴i̵ ̴k̴n̴o̶w̶ ̸h̴o̵w̷ ̷t̷h̸i̷n̴g̶s̴ ̸a̴r̷e̵ ̷g̴o̶i̷n̴g̵ ̸t̸o̸ ̶g̸o̵.̸ ̴i̸ ̷s̶t̵a̶n̸d̸ ̶j̵u̷s̵t̴ ̶a̶b̷o̵v̷e̴ ̴h̶e̶r̶ ̶b̵u̶t̷ ̶t̷h̵a̷t̸ ̵w̸i̷l̴l̷ ̷n̵o̷t̶ ̵l̸a̶s̷t̵ ̴f̷o̸r̸ ̵l̴o̶n̷g̶.̴ ̵s̸o̸o̸n̵ ̶i̶ ̴w̵i̶l̷l̵ ̷s̴u̴r̵e̷l̶y̵ ̵s̷i̵n̵k̸ ̶t̶o̴ ̵h̶e̴r̴ ̴l̶e̴v̷e̷l̸.̸ ̷a̶n̴d̴ ̶x̴e̴l̵a̵ ̵w̸i̷l̶l̷ ̶l̷e̸a̴v̶e̴ ̶m̶e̵ ̸j̴u̵s̴t̸ ̸l̴i̸k̸e̵ ̶h̶e̶ ̷l̶e̸f̴t̵ ̵h̴e̴r̶.̶ ̶m̸a̴y̸b̴e̶ ̶i̸ ̴w̸i̵l̷l̵ ̴d̵o̴ ̶s̴o̴m̵e̸t̴h̷i̶n̷g̷ ̵h̵e̴i̷n̴o̴u̶s̶ ̷f̸i̸r̴s̸t̴ ̵l̵i̸k̴e̸ ̵s̵h̴e̸ ̵d̷i̴d̵.̵ ̴o̴r̶ ̴m̸a̷y̶b̴e̶ ̸h̸e̸ ̷w̵i̶l̸l̵ ̸j̸u̴s̵t̴ ̷l̵e̵a̵v̸e̵ ̴f̴r̴o̴m̴ ̶h̵o̷w̷ ̸u̸n̸p̷l̸e̸a̵s̵a̷n̵t̶ ̸i̶ ̶a̷m̴.̸ ̵a̸n̷d̶ ̵t̶h̸e̶n̷ ̵t̶h̷e̴ ̸s̶l̷i̷m̴ ̴t̴o̷l̶e̴r̷a̸n̶c̸e̵ ̴f̵o̶r̴ ̴m̶e̶ ̶t̸h̸e̵ ̷s̴p̴e̵a̷k̸e̷r̵ ̶o̶f̷ ̵m̵o̶r̸s̴e̵ ̷h̸a̶s̸ ̴w̷i̸l̷l̵ ̴f̴a̵l̴l̸ ̵t̶o̵ ̷s̶i̴m̵i̵l̵a̷r̸ ̴s̵h̶r̸e̵d̸s̵.̴ ̷a̸n̸d̷ ̶s̶o̸o̵n̴ ̴t̴h̵e̶ ̶t̸w̸i̴n̵ ̵t̵o̴o̸ ̶w̴i̶l̵l̸ ̴r̶e̸a̶l̵i̸z̸e̴ ̵h̴o̴w̵ ̸a̸w̶f̸u̴l̴ ̷i̵ ̷t̷r̸u̴l̶y̶ ̸a̷m̷.̴ ̶a̴n̸d̵ ̴t̸h̴e̷n̴?̶ ̶i̶ ̵w̴i̷l̴l̷ ̴h̴a̴v̷e̷ ̸n̵o̵t̵h̴i̸n̷g̶.̸ ̷e̸v̷e̵n̸ ̵t̵h̷e̷ ̴c̴a̷t̵ ̶o̵n̵l̶y̶ ̵p̷a̸y̵s̷ ̸m̴e̵ ̴a̶n̸y̵ ̵m̷i̷n̸d̸ ̷d̷u̸e̵ ̷t̷o̴ ̸t̷h̶e̷ ̵j̶o̸b̸ ̷s̵a̵i̸d̶ ̶c̴a̶t̷ ̸h̵a̸s̵.̸

[He looks upwards to the mirror, as if to beg it for mercy. Instead, he sees his reflection. It morphs back and forth between his and Viling's form, wearing his clothes, and begins to speak to him in 2nd person.] Y̶O̶U̷ ̶Я̷Ǝ̶A̴⅃̵⅃̸Y̷ ̷A̵Я̷Ǝ̵ ̸Ⴑ̵U̶Ƨ̷T̸ ̸⅃̷I̴ﻼ̵Ǝ̶ ̵H̵Ǝ̶Я̴.̴ ̸Y̵O̵U̵ ̷A̷Я̶Ǝ̵ ̴H̷O̵Я̴Я̸I̴⅃̸Ǝ̵ ̸A̵И̴Ⴇ̵ ̷Y̵O̴U̸ ̶A̸Я̷Ǝ̶ ̴A̶ ̷Ә̵I̸Я̵⅃̴ ̴A̶И̸Ⴇ̸ ̷Y̴O̷U̴ ̴Ɔ̶A̵И̸И̴O̷T̷ ̶Ƨ̷ﻼ̶A̸T̷Ǝ̵ ̸A̶И̸Ⴇ̵ ̴Y̸O̷U̷ ̶⅃̷O̴V̵Ǝ̵ ̵ﻼ̶И̴I̷V̷Ǝ̶Ƨ̴ ̴Ⴑ̶U̵Ƨ̶T̴ ̶T̴O̸O̷ ̷M̸U̸Ɔ̴H̴.̸ ̶A̵И̷Ⴇ̶ ̸Y̵O̶U̸ ̵⅃̸I̶ﻼ̶Ǝ̸ ̸X̶Ǝ̶⅃̵A̸ ̴A̸И̸Ⴇ̶ ̴Y̶O̵U̸ ̵H̴U̷Я̷T̸ ̴H̶I̴M̷ ̷A̴И̸Ⴇ̶ ̷Y̷O̷U̴ ̷M̵U̴Я̵Ⴇ̶Ǝ̶Я̵Ǝ̸Ⴇ̸ ̴H̵I̴Ƨ̷ ̴⅃̸O̸V̸Ǝ̵.̸ ̶Ƨ̸H̴Ǝ̷ ̷Ɔ̷A̷И̷И̷O̷T̷ ̶Ǝ̵ ̶ꟻ̶I̶X̴Ǝ̵Ⴇ̶.̷ ̷Y̵O̵U̴ ̵Ɔ̷A̵И̶И̶O̴T̸ ̴Ǝ̶ ̸ꟻ̸I̵X̶Ǝ̸Ⴇ̴.̴ ̷W̶H̵Y̷ ̷Ⴇ̸O̶ ̴Y̷O̸U̵ ̸ꟼ̴Ǝ̶Я̷Ƨ̴I̵Ƨ̴T̴?̵ ̴W̶H̴Y̴ ̵Ⴇ̸O̸ ̴Y̷O̷U̸ ̷ꟼ̴Ǝ̸Я̴Ɔ̷H̸A̶И̷Ɔ̶Ǝ̶?̶ ̵Y̴O̶U̷ ̶ﻼ̴И̷O̸W̵ ̷I̴T̴ ̶I̶Ƨ̸ ̶W̶Я̷O̸И̸Ә̸.̸ ̸Y̶O̵U̶ ̴ﻼ̵И̷O̶W̵ ̷Y̶O̶U̵ ̸A̴Я̵Ǝ̶ ̶W̵Я̸O̸И̴Ә̷.̷ ̷Ә̶I̴V̶Ǝ̶ ̵U̶ꟼ̷.̵ ̸I̴T̵ ̸I̷Ƨ̶ ̷И̷Ǝ̸V̴Ǝ̷Я̶ ̷Ә̸O̸I̷И̸Ә̸ ̸T̷O̵ ̷H̶A̸ꟼ̸ꟼ̶Ǝ̶И̴.̶ [He's now crying loudly and incoherently begging for it to stop. The bathroom is on fire. All around him his things are burning, Ghostbusters logos melting into echoes of the mirror's words. The cabinet, which has had its doors burnt away, is full of knives. The knives are shaped like smiles. He feels the weight of thirty-two necklaces on his neck. The fire hurts. His reflection steps out of the mirror, wearing a maid dress. He tries to back away, but behind the door is only a staircase. The stairs are on fire. He falls down the stairs. The fire hurts. His reflection keeps yelling something as he falls down the stairs. The fire hurts.]

[His head hurts, and he finds himself waking up on the floor of the underworld. Just another nightmare. Perchance he should stop sleeping down here. Perchance.]

#tw internalized transphobia #cw internalized transphobia #mirror unjust post #(uh oh I think he's losing it) #(though some of this is just hell doing its work) #(I wrote this quite a while ago but finally had a situation to post it)

[garpond]

i hate saying shit like this caus its so negative but the only thing i genuinely Like about being trans (and like isnt even a good word i just feel it was beneficial for me as a person) was the perspective it gave me on misogyny and the conviction i have that i want to be a better man than many of the ones ive known like other than that i pretty much wish i wasnt born like this and couldve been born cis instead and i hate every second of it 👍

#cw internalized transphobia #i think ?

[kayzero]

I REMEMBERED it was to remind you to ramble abt ur ocs :)

So once upon a time I came up with the most cliche writing concept of all time: what if you personified the Seven Sins? This concept very quickly grew into its own cohesive writing universe because when I got to Pride, I went “she wants to rule.” And my beta at the time was like “what does she want to rule?” And the answer was everything.

So I have a whole world full of exposition and other such nonsense — that YOU can help me flesh out by asking questions about it! Sometimes I’ll know the answer and I’ll be able to tell you quickly, but sometimes I haven’t THOUGHT about the question and I’ll have to make something up on the spot.

But anyway, the character I wanted to talk about was the once I most closely resonate with. She isn’t one of the Sins, and she’s about three steps removed from being a complete self-insert.

Her name is Aurora.

(cw for institutionalized and internalized transphobia)

Aurora was once Orion, top theoretical student at a premier magical academy. Utter shit with most elemental magic, though, and unfortunately the practical exams were focused around them, but she was at least passable with the Moral Elements, Light and Dark, so she didn’t completely bomb the practicals.

Aurora was scouted right out of school for a position within Magical Research and Development, specifically in their Rituals department. Her solid base of theoretical knowledge quickly expanded to a seemingly all-encompassing base of generalist magical theory, and she was credited on dozens of innovations over the next year.

But Aurora wanted something more than anything else in the world — to transition. At this point in time, healthcare is completely free and it’s compulsory for Healers to do their best to help someone in need. Unfortunately, gender affirming care wasn’t included in the compulsory umbrella. Healers were refusing to see her, and Fleshapers would only help in exchange for a period of absolute servitude.

Naturally, Aurora didn’t go for it. But her theoretical base didn’t include anything involving Healing, Fleshaping, or even Alchemy or Potioneering. So she came up with a ritual, her specialty.

(An important aside: the largest grouping of humans in the world of Peccatum is the Capital City of the Prideful Nation. The forming of this city was a joint effort between Lady Pride and Lady Sloth, with Lady Pride organizing the construction of the city itself, while Lady Sloth carved a large enough space out of a mountain range to support an estimated 65% of all humanity.

Naturally, this was a large undertaking, which meant that Lady Sloth expended a large amount of magical energy to perform this feat, and the city’s foundation is flooded with her magic. This resulted in a couple oddities within the Capital.

Most importantly, every seventh day, every seventh week, and every seventh month, citizens will feel lethargic and exhausted, with the effects compounding on days that overlap.

[A less important aside: the calendar of Peccatum consists of 343 days — seven months each with seven weeks each with seven days. The final day of the year, the seventh seventh seven, is a national holiday celebrating Lady Sloth, titled the Seventh Triad, the Silent Grey, or the Day of Rest. On this day, all able citizens are compelled to sleep the full 24 hours.]

More relevantly, a pocket dimension formed within the confines of the Capital: the Realm of Dreams.)

Aurora’s ritual would send her to the Realm of Dreams, prepared her body to take in and harness its magic, and spit her out when she was done. She spent 57 days in the pocket dimension — one month, one week, and one day, from the Sixth Triad to the Seventh.

The ritual’s completion sent out a shockwave that alerted Capital Defense, and Aurora was taken in for setting off an explosion on the first day of the year. This had the pleasant side effect of alerting Lady Pride to Aurora’s existence, and the fact that she felt the need to go to such lengths and take such risks to do something that is, magically speaking, relatively simple.

So, Aurora, 19 years old, is awarded honorary Mastery in Ritual Magic, honorary Expertise in Spatial Magic, and also got humanity’s ruler to put gender affirming care under the umbrella of compulsory healing.

In exchange for her transition, she completely lost the ability to sleep. Her body is infused with so much of Lady Sloth’s magic that Aurora doesn’t need sleep to survive, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t suffer negative consequences. She hallucinates. Specifically, she sees her old body as a vengeful spirit, cursing her for “killing him.”

Unfortunately, she’s directly tied to the Realm of Dreams, and Orion the Vengeful Spirit manifests within the realm, and after seven years of gathering power, tries to upend the magical landscape in order to kill Aurora, forcing her to use a fusion of Spatial and Spiritual Magic to chain Orion directly to her soul to keep him under control.

Aurora, now 29, is a Grandmaster of Spatial Magic (the youngest to hold the title of Grandmaster), has done a tour of service in every facility tied to the Capital City, and her official title is now Pride’s Left Hand, serving as advisor to Pride and wielding power in her name for the purposes of delegation.

#kay rambles #kay original #Peccatum #cw institutional transphobia #cw internalized transphobia #kay’s q&a #original fiction