#interne friend

[ruegarding]

i never understood ppl claiming percy has never suffered the consequences of his loyalty. you're talking about percy "i know the prophecy said my friend would betray me but these are my friends they wouldn't betray me" jackson, who walked into a remote part of the forest with luke and almost died in book one. you're talking about percy "kronos told me point-blank there was a traitor but i can't imagine any of these ppl betraying me" jackson, who decided to stop looking for the traitor and moved on. you're talking about percy "nico is acting suspicious and very clearly hiding something from me but he's my friend and i trust him" jackson, who walked into nico's very obvious set up and almost got himself held hostage during the titan war. percy is so loyal that he cannot fathom betrayal until it's happening, and it has nearly killed him multiple times.

#i think ppl focus on what athena said #'you would destroy the world to save a friend' #but that's not fatal for percy! that's what makes percy dangerous *to the gods* #loyalty is a fatal flaw *for percy* bc he can be told point blank that his friend will betray him and still not be able to comprehend it! #i don't know that percy ever voiced his inability to consider betrayal to anyone (in the books i'm pretty sure it's internal dialogue) #so all anyone else sees is the danger he poses to *them* and *their plans* #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo hoo toa #pjo books #fatal flaws #percy #min talks pjo

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[funky-bird]

Please hold transgender women dear in your heart this international women’s day. Love and respect the trans women around you please.

#Please give a transgender woman 2000 dollars this international women’s day. #all jokes aside please be kind and loving to trans women we don’t get a lot of it. look out for your trans women friends and be smart about #how you treat them <:^) Do more than just shit on the ceo or whatever. uplift and love trans women

[salamispots]

dream from several days ago

#dream diary #artists on tumblr #flotsam diaries #sequential #...I said I was gonna sleep but that obviously didn't happen HAHA #anyways really happy that I was able to get the colors/vibes I wanted down fjhkgj :'D #a lot of nitpicking and adjusting hahah #also kororon/eve was on blast for the majority of drawing this hghhjf #alright good night/morning/something yall #edit: was thinking more and the feeling I wanted to get across I guess is like when someone voluntarily #reaches out to touch me/casually/platonically and it's like a 'you're touching me of your own free will??? o H' #because when I was growing up had a parent who wasn't physically affectionate/would kinda brush me off #and that uhhhh kinda internalized as I'm gross and therefore shouldn't touch other people #(lmao took covid lockdown and very good friends to basically destroy that feeling yay) #anYWAYS had feelings but didn't quite know how to verbalize it hahah

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 235

“Mother, I have made a friend.” 

Now don’t get him wrong, Danny was delighted at the idea of Jordan making a friend, he really was. But the last three attempts had been borderline kidnappings, so he wasn’t entirely sure if he should be. Thankfully it doesn’t seem he’s kidnapped this one. Hopefully. 

Not that he wouldn’t be surprised if Dan managed to kidnap a tiny kryptonian, but the kid- Jon apparently- seemed happy enough to be there. Apparently his grandparents lived in the midwest too, and was happy enough to have someone to talk about it. 

Though um, maybe Danny should have checked to see if his parents knew where he’d gone, because he was not expecting a harried-looking superman to suddenly appear at his window. 

#DCxDP #DPxDC #Prompts #Jon saw Dan do a bit of floating when he thought no one was looking & deemed him friend #Yes Dan is also 10 lol #Jon is not getting stuck in time #Dan isn’t above contacting grandpa Clockwork because uh his totally-not-friend noo #Just wait until someone whose survived the end of the world sees Dan #mom danny #Clark: Look Jon and I made fellow alien friends :D #Ellie is 18 and started on a roadtrip for her birthday to explore more #Jon has a habit of befriending the grumpy ferals #Danny is happy he has someone to talk about space with #He meets Lois and Jimmy too & the world trembles at the potential shenanigans #Clark weeps internally before finding out that Danny can deal with most of their shenanigans

[beybuniki]

AU where Deku stays quirkless and he enrolls in UA's support department, he and bakugo befriend each other because they take the same train to school & Deku approaches him because they're both batfam fans :) they bond over common interest which also inspires them to work togetherrrrrr

#the canon event of bakugo bullying deku does not happen & i am usually not a fan of that its so crucial to them but this is a fun nerd au #they team up as either vigilantes or stay connected because bakugo interns under heroes that deku is also doing an apprenticeship under ig #deku is still connected to all might idk maybe thats his biological father for real this time or like he can be their bruce idk #anyway i think they'd be so fun as a duo i'd love to see deku navigatebattles and crimes without a quirk #and they have nerd discourse in their free time ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww #bnha #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #deku #mei is deku's best friend in this universe :) #she covers for them when needed they rlly should be vigilantes sorry

[arttuff]

booger gold, booster mold, looser hold,

#dc comics #dc #bart allen #impulse #dc impulse #impulse 1995 #max mercury #max crandall #flash family #flashfam #booster gold #michael jon carter #jli #justice league international #he's feeding his pet axolotls. probably named after his friends. i think the pink one is preston :)

[introspectivememories]

it's always distinguished lesbian momo with disaster gay todoroki. we need to flip the script. disaster lesbian momo with distinguished gay todoroki. tddk are practically living together in shouto's japanese style dorm meanwhile momo flies in every morning, hair a mess, slamming that shoji door open, talkin bout "todoroki-kun! kyouka touched my knee this morning! do you think she likes me????"

#momo 2 seconds later: oh good morning midoriya-san. i hope i didnt disturb your sleep. anyway todoroki-kun pleaaase tell me what to do #i like this idea of prim and proper momo becoming a disaster over her gay little crush on jirou #tddk got their shit together 3 months into being friends. tdrk just confessed in that blunt way of his and now they're practically married #izuku's dorm room is his extra closet space for all might merch #they share a futon ffs #on the other hand momo's internal dialogue is just: hnnnng kyouka prettyyyy kyouka strong kyouka kissable #momo having debriefing sessions with tdrk every morning is so funny to me #izk thinks its ridiculous bc c'mon kyouka's crush on momo is visible from the moon #just tell her you like her yaoyorozu-san!! #yaoyorozu momo #jirou kyouka #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #tododeku #momojirou #tddk #bnha

[offkilterkeys]

The world isn’t ready for my alpha kid readings.

#jane crocker #jake english #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #homestuck #alpha kids #Jane is the struggler don’t you EVER contest that #many might argue it’s Jake but he doesn’t struggle inherently #usually he just vibes until he’s forced into situations wherein he struggles #Jane struggles from the beginning #her entire arc is a struggle #also had to change it from “the fujoshi” mostly cause I don’t like that and also cause it’s not as versatile as the other labels #I don’t actually think Dirk is boring btw i just think that when put up against his friends he has a lot less complexity going on #like his arc is fairly simple as opposed to Jane and Jake’s #and even Roxy’s #His problems seem inherently a lot more straight forward to me simply because he’s articulate enough to realize he has problems #Jane and Jake are almost there #problems are like on the tip of their tongues #and Roxy is kinda like the John of the team where she isn’t even gonna acknowledge the possibility of problems #girl is like “problems? haha not me #I’m the put together one in this group :)” #and just ignores all her internalized misogyny and heteronormativity #she is a mirror to Vriska in that they both put a lot of emphasis on preforming romanticism as a means of affirming their gender #anyway my alpha kid readings are way too boring so I feel like nobody would really be interested in them Sighhhh

[gyudons]

friends supporting friends

#and historians will call them best friends... #anyway #them!!!!!! #wish that were me (re: both. either.) #hmm… #gay #jamie lee curtis #sag awards #everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #userbbelcher #chewieblog #nessa007 #femalegifsource #michelle yeoh #lesbian #lgbtq #lgbtqia #post: r #international women’s day

[clementartz]

unspoken truth

#yosuke hanamura #souyo #persona 4 #p4 #persona 4 golden #p4g #shadow yosuke #ivegotnoromeo art #something something the realization you might be in love with your best friend who is a dude #and who you call your partner but strictly platonically of course because you’re not gay #(but maybe you are) #but nooooo you can’t be because you like Girls you’re the Girl Liker you can’t like guys that’s weiiird and baaaaad #(<- too emotionally constipated and full of internalized homophobia to realize bisexuality is a thing) #anyways i hope atlus makes his gay confession canon whenever they remake p4 or i’m actually gonna 💥

[peachdoxie]

The topic of Danny Phantom came up in conversation with a coworker and I mentioned I'm active in the fandom, and he asked me what the weirdest thing in the fandom is, so I said the dissection/vivisection fics and then showed him art of Little Baby Man and Diddles Piddles. He was like "yeah that's weird." Stay classy, Phandom.

#anecdotes by peachdoxie #danny phantom #also my library's intern heard us talking and said that she has a friend who observes the phandom on tumblr from a distance #but will infodump to her about it #so hi if you see this i guess #no way to ID who you are lol

[notedchampagne]

tlt is chock full of tragic romances and familial bonds but the tragedy of friendship between harrowhark and palamedes specifically makes me wail. from the beginning palamedes held harrow in high regard: he asked gideon and harrow to stick together for their safety, at the fifths death he spoke to her like a longtime colleague, he knew she called herself the greatest necromancer of their generation and did not take offense - took it as friendly competition - he wanted to work together and in the river he BELIEVED in her, he saw that she had drive and intellect and hoped she would tell him she figured out the "right way", and he saw gideon and he hugged her and he hugged her and he kissed her brow... and harrowhark hadnt shown him the same amount of affection but we know she respected him for what he stood in. and we know she did not consider him as close as he did her: "'Warden of the Sixth House', you demanded, 'why are you acting as though I should know you?" and the absolute tragedy of their last interaction just being fucking bulleted with miscommunication makes my jaw hurt. palamedess last memory of harrowhark was in the form of a girl that was her opposite but held her face, and he missed her dearly - harrowharks last memory of palamedes was a collapsing reality and a distressing contact and a stopped goodbye and they never REALLY regarded each other at the same level. they were on entirely different wavelengths of familiarity and it doesnt! matter! because on either side! they give what they are willing to! and you cant ever take it back!!!!!

#sorry im so desolate im so desolate i am writing intern the sixth again and crying #fucking unrequited friendship... siri play youre my best friend (and i know im not yours) by cxgf #chat #the locked tomb #palamedes sextus #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #gideon the ninth

[chibigaia-art]

btw quick reminder that if you're a terf you're not welcome here

#chibiblabbing #the whole thing going on rn. man. #scrolling the dash today has just been depressing with all the international news and internal tmblr shit #also tired of seeing h*rry p*tter stuff on my friends insta stories i love her but hhh #seeing her share a thing and then go on to find the asshole donated tons of money for her terfy crusade #yikes

[moonkhao]

Anything you'd like to say to the fans rooting for Sand and Ray right now?

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #my edits #i know he definitely did not say babygirl #but i guess he used a term that's more specific to thai fandom culture #and they then tried to translate it into something an international fan would use

[bearotonin-international]

Got any bears to help with pain? ( I dropped a fan on my fingers)

ouch!

sometimes the best remedy to pain like that is to curse violently and with abandon

#bearotonin international is a family organization #so we will not be doing the cursing #but we fully support your doing so #hope your fingers feel better soon friend #ask