Patton: Lo, just because I’m not in the best place right now, doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel your best either.
Patton: You shouldn’t hold me up like atlas, honey. If everything I just want you to hold my hand, and maybe we’ll cry together, and that’s okay.
Patton: You’re my husband, not my caretaker.
Patton: And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to prioritize me over yourself. You come first to yourself, hon.
Patton: So..how are you feeling, Logi?
Logan: I’m sorry..I just..I don’t know what to do at this point.
Logan collects his thoughts in the car, but it doesn’t seem to help.
Logan: I didn’t tell you because, I-I..I just can’t keep dumping stuff on you Patton!
Logan: I’m trying to be what you need, and I’m sorry that I keep failing.
Patton: Why didn’t you tell me that you got hurt?
Logan stays slient.
Patton: Logan, please, just tell me.
Logan: Let’s just—Let’s talk about it when we get home…okay?
Bro that moment when your boyfriend is a vampire king???
Logan and Patton are sliently driving home together.
My boys growing up 🥺🥺
32, damn, it’s almost like yesterday he just was little tyke being emotionally traumatized.
Virgil: Wait, I’ve never seen you around before. Who are you voice acting?
Quincy: Oh I don’t voice act. I’m just the custodian.
Virgil: Really? You have such a nice voice though?
Quincy: Never had any interest. Besides that’s my dad’s work, I rather teach or something.
Quincy: Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just didn’t want Virgil to eat carpet.
Virgil, attracted: Damn…Uh, I mean thank you.
Quincy: I’m Quincy, not Patton. I appreciate the compliment though.
Virgil sighs, hunching his back.
Virgil: Oh shit!
???: Woah! Careful there!
Roman sits down.
Virgil: I-I no, never. I want you to come with me..but I understand if you don’t.. I’ll probably be working most of the time, and it’s my universe, so we don’t have any of your fancy stuff..
Virgil: I know I call you Princey and everything, but I kinda doubt you want to be an actual like..high ranking member of royalty or something. Technically you’d be an Anashordann, since you’re my boyfriend and all.
Roman: A what?
Virgil: An Anashordann, it’s essentially a king, just slightly lower ranking only in the sense of not being professionally trained.
Roman: Wait wait hold up, you’re a king???
Virgil: In the English language, yes. I’m king from a process of succession, so I literally didn’t ask for this.
Roman: I-wow. I knew you were technically like..I dunno, uh- what’d you say that last time?
Virgil: Illegitimate prince in the eyes of Pterannan law?
Roman: Yeah, that.
Roman: I think…I need to think about this, you know?
Virgil: I..I have to leave. Soon, in fact, like soon-soon.
Roman: Oh…what do you mean by that?
Virgil: I have to fulfil a family duty, and I’ll be gone for a long time probably.
Roman, worried: Oh okay.. Are you, uh ah, are you breaking up with me?
Roman and Virgil are alone.
Roman: Um..you first.. and stuff.
Virgil: I uh..Roman, I, shit.
Roman: Is this about you planning to kill Logan?!
Virgil: What? No! I wasn’t going to, I couldn’t do that! I shouldn’t’ve even said anything, I was just conflicted..
Roman: Oh, okay..just uh, continue…
Virgil: I wasn’t. I promise, I’m not a killer. Never really have been one, or had the intent really. I just..I’m too fragile for that sorta stuff. I can’t end a sword fight, but I can start one.
Virgil: Hey, Ro that you?
Both: I need talk to you.
Roman: Um..you first?
Virgil: In private, Ro.
Roman: Ohh..me too.
Roman frustratedly sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.
“How’s that a bad thing?” Virgil retorted.
“They said I looked good for my age!”
“You do though! You could be a ship’s figurehead!”
“I’ll never forgive you for saying that,” Roman huffed, “I am not some barnacle covered fifty year old piece of wood at the bow of a ship! But I might as well be when people think I’m in my forties!”
Roman’s eyebrows furrowed as his arms crossed. Virgil had to think of something and quickly.
“What’s so bad about that?” He questioned, his head tilting slightly.
“Virgilius!” -Uh oh- “You cannot tell me that being called old isn’t an insult in your universe!”
“Well I can’t argue with that but, people love silver foxes! I mean, if I could gray as quickly as mortals did, I would be pretty happy! Not that many people make it to have gray hair!” Virgil panickedly babbled.
“So now you’re claiming I have gray hair! So you do admit I look old!”
“No! I was just saying- oh forget it,” Virgil bluntly spoke, “here, you’re hot as shit, Roman, you’re hot as shit.”
Roman stopped talking abruptly and turned to Virgil with his eyebrows raised.
“Do you know who gets hotter as they age?”
Roman shook his head ‘no’.
“Hot people! And you are hot people.”
Virgil’s sudden outburst set in the air for a moment. Roman avoided eye contact for part of it, his mouth scrunched up.
“Kiss me and I’ll forgive you.” Roman softly offered.
Virgil’s hands shot up, and yanked Roman down by his shirt. He pressed his mouth to Roman’s fiercely, some of his agitation sinking through. He roughly tore away, and shoved Roman.
Virgil’s face was gray, that was the equivalent of red in his case. His eyes crazily dilated, trying to figure how to react to the abrupt situation.
Virgil sprung up again.
“Stop, stop talking about bad yourself, you gorgeous little fustilarian!” Virgil lovingly spat out.
Virgil squished Roman’s face between his small hands.
“And that’s the end of it, capeesh?”
“Kiss me and I’ll forgive you.”
The old enby finally did what hundreds of years in the void couldn’t do. Janus finally broke Remus’ brain.
“I-oh..you’re a clever old snake, Jannie.” Remus squinted his eyes, pointing an accusing finger at them.
Janus didn’t technically have a mouth, nor did Remus technically have lips. Even though that was the truth, you could still see Janus’ devilish smirk in their eye.
“Good day, my dear duke.”
Remus tipped his hat, and twiddled his mustache.
“Can’t I just cheat at cards to win your forgiveness like usual? We can even play strip poker, and I’ll lose on purpose.” Remus raised his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly.
“Mmm, nah. I think I’m going to need that kiss, Re.”
“You just wait..You just wait. Next universe, you’re fucked. Well, you’re gonna be kissed.” Remus crossed his heart and soul, as to completely promise his next misadventure.
“Stop moving, I’m almost done!”
“Ugh, how much longer is this gonna take?” Virgil whined.
“Keep your eyes closed, dear fool.”
Roman added a few more paint strokes, before pushing Virgil out of his lap.
“Mwah! Perfection!” Roman chef kissed his hand.
Virgil wrinkled his nose, stuck out his tongue.
“Am I funny looking yet?”
“You already were,” Roman solemnly nodded.
Virgil playfully punched his boyfriend’s shoulder, causing him to dramatically fall to the floor.
“Ah! How could you? MY dearest love has wounded me! Even thou I still hold his heart dearly to mine!”
“I will literally cut out my own heart right now, just to throw it at you.”
Virgil admired Roman’s handiwork from said makeup artist’s pocket mirror.
“Damn, you got that lipstick just right.” Virgil spoke, as his claw came up to pull his bottom lip down.
“Hey! Hey! Don’t ruin it! It took way too long to do that!” Roman sputtered, as he quickly shot up.
“I told you, you go modern day so it’s easier for you, but you didn’t listen!” Virgil hissed.
“You said you wanted an authentic court jester!”
“I told you that you could do one of your modern day clown people!”
“Virge I swe-”
Virgil stuck his arm out, effectively snatching Roman’s shirt collar and kissing him.
“Why did you-..oh, you little shit.”
Virgil professionally coughed.
“I believe the phrase is, ah ha ha ha.”
“You’re a horrible liar. I’ve known you for too long to be able to tell.”
Logan shook his head, his dark eyes narrowing. It made Patton sweat.
“I know when you’re lying, Montgomery.”
Logan’s voice was low and monotone, though his words were still intimidating.
He avoided eye contact, and kept his head turned away.
Suddenly, the two of them were in an eye contact match. Logan constantly chased Patton’s face with his own, hunting down the guilty man’s gaze.
“You did it, didn’t you?” Logan sneered.
“You can’t prove anything! Ah-!”
Logan rolled Patton onto his back, keeping his face grimaced in fake sternness. His husband couldn’t help but cackle and giggle, as Logan pressed further with his question.
“You can’t lie to me! You did it! You ate my jam, didn’t you!?”
Patton just laughed, and lazily pushed Logan over. Logan easily toppled over, laying on his side defeated.
Patton peered over Logan’s chest, making clear eye contact. There was a shit eating grin on his face.