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#invasive bastard
lupinus-bicolor · a month ago
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out on a walk a couple weeks back, in a meadow thats in serious need of a burn
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asaxophony · 2 months ago
A stupid house sparrow got stuck in our garage and after a very half hearted attempt by me to catch it (how the fuck am I supposed to do that without an actual net) my dad just kinda left it in there and I walked in there today to find he had left out a bowl of water and seed for it
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slizz-and-grem · 7 months ago
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CRIME: pushed out one of the vents, escaped and burrowed into a box of summer clothes
PUNISHMENT: a very mild boop on the snoot (cos its a v cute snoot. really how could u resist)
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Turns out that Nicholas can still speak in his true form. Only problem is that he doesn’t speak with one voice. It’s a full on cacophony of voices from various species both humanoid and otherwise. And the voice that spoke the loudest and most clearly was the one he spoke in most when in his primary human form.
If he had been in the mood for it, then he’d be back to singing, just to annoy his captors even more. But instead he would speak. Question them and reveal that he’s still capable of thoughts like any other advanced lifeform.
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“[ Why do ye miserable lit’le pesssts aven bother te wait, hm? ]” He questioned with a faint smile pulling at his scarred lips. “[ Why not dig inte my mind right now? Get all o’ the information ye want from me. Or are ye afraid o’ wot could happen? Do ye not want the key te my DNA? Half o’ my life’s endless work? Or are ye just waiting fer the right moment? ]”
In all honesty, he never did think he would get any answers. He’d more likely be met with more silence. That or the more freaky, malicious reactions of Keizer X. He’s more likely to get the former, however. At least that what he thinks, considering all of the sounds he had been hearing from another part of the ship.
The shapeshifter would shift his weight around, spreading out his limbs and spine as much as he could. He wasn’t even trying to get out now, but the freaks of complaint that came from the metal walls and ceiling were so satisfying. This time there was no chance for it to repair itself. The further her stretched, the more room he had to do so, and the less room was given to the walls and ceiling to straighten out. He will not be changing forms any time soon. That would just bring him back to square one. And Nicholas did not want that to happen.
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theboldarva · 9 months ago
i really want to dedicate more time to my belf death knight, Sceath Plaguemender, bc in Shadowlands he will have quite the interesting time.
you see, in death, he swapped a few body parts, like new ears and a complete arm, but he was never quite satisfied w how he looks esp. not in life. he wanted to be powerful and unperceivable so he had the idea of completely severing his soul from his body, so he could exist in a physical form, but only if he chose to do so.
in life he made little progress, and took up alchemy as a job back in Quel'thalas, but he wasn't afraid to join the forces of evil, like the Scourge to study and learn (he joined Kel'thuzad and his Cult of the Damned when he was alive so they're good friends and colleagues by now.) He is in the Ebon Blade, but only for his selfish interests, (while still mentally having a laugh w ol' KT) and in BFA, he chose to be a Sylvanas loyalist, but only bc her power seemed interesting enough for him but left her side after the mak'gora.
So he goes into the Maw, as part of the Ebon Blade squad and he plans to ditch them for sure, but not right now, as they might still prove useful. So he'll be waltzing between Maldraxxus and the Maw to finally become an animated suit of armor and the Maw armaments seem just fine for that.
He changes allegiances as he seems fit, but he did get a rogue husband in the process, who was the first person he hated to leave behind. But he did, and now Arvedhren is also going into the Shadowlands to grab him by the collar before he does something irreversibly stupid and dangerous. Mind you, he has no objections to the loss of Sceath’s physical body anymore, he worries about who he’ll bargain with in the Maw, so he joins the Venthyr in hopes of yoinking his husband back from the approaching doom.
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enviroliv · a year ago
After trying to reclaim my yard and garden, I have realized a few things:
1. Honeysuckle is the most bastard or all bastard species
2. Honeysuckle take WEEKS after being cut to be dead enough to burn
3. Honeysuckle knows the key to eternal life and plans to use it to take over the world
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lupinus-bicolor · a year ago
living here is like, “hope you like blackberry! if not, too bad. this shit’s gonna strangle us in our sleep if we don’t eat it first”
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sugawara-kkoushi · a day ago
Post-Trespasser Thoughts
SPOILERS ahead, obviously:
I’m... actually glad that I did Trespasser as a human friend the first time. As heart-wrenching as the romance version is, I actually think that the strong friendship version made me love Solas as a character more overall. Without the romance element, his grey morality/actions can take center stage. 
When my human Inquisitor told him she’d read the murals depicting his heroism to free his people, he answered humbly - dismissing it as their desperation painting him in a better light than he ever deserved. The fact that he had made a sanctuary, removed their slave tattoos, and promised them a better life... Of course they’d be grateful. And yet he dismisses their gratitude, saying he doesn’t deserve to be depicted in such a way. His name, Solas, literally translates to Pride - and yet he shows humility in this moment. It speaks to his sense of justice and compassion, which were at the core of his desire to see them liberated. He was not a god and never claimed to be. Ironically, Solas - Pride - was one of the most humble among the Evanuris. This bit of the conversation isn’t possible in the romance route. 
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Then there’s the moment where you can decide whether the Inquisition will try to change his mind, or defeat him - even if it means killing him. If you choose to try to change his mind, the things your Inquisitor says here will change depending on whether you romanced him. In the romance route, it’s a lot more personal in that she says she believes that their love can endure through this. 
But as his friend?:
“You don’t need to destroy this world. I’ll prove it to you.”
To which he solemnly replies, “I would treasure the chance to be wrong again, my friend.”
OOF. He is all but begging her to prove him wrong. He really doesn’t want to go through with this plan, but he sees no other way to fix what he’s done. By growing close to the Inquisitor, he’s learned that tearing down the Veil will be just as costly as when he first created it. This moment solidified Solas’ place in my heart because he is showing great compassion for other races that he previously held in contempt. Stopping the Qunari invasion for the sake of the other races to live in comfort before he destroys them already shows this. But the lines above really drive that home. 
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Lastly - he spares the Inquisitor. Were he truly ruthless, he would have turned her to stone in that moment. Regardless of what choice you make, he saves her knowing that she’ll be an opposing force to his plans. In the romance route, this can easily be chalked up to the fact that she’s his Vhenan, so of course he wouldn’t kill her. 
But what does he say to his human friend?
“I’m sorry. Live well, while time remains.”
He would rather save her life and risk having her fight him in the future, because she deserves the chance to live well.
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asjdfkl; SO UH. I just have a lot of feelings about him. But that being said.... 
How dare that beautiful bastard leave my Lavellan. “Dread Wolf take you” indeed. And he fucking !! Kisses her!! WHILE TAKING HER ARM. You took her heart, her arm, why not just take the whole damn thing, Fen’Harel!?! Solas is STUPID and complex and probably my favorite fictional character now, HOORAAY. 
ty for coming to my six-years late rant on the Egg, good-freaking-night. 
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heroponazrion · a day ago
One of the more interesting functions that I’m not going to discuss in these editions is the addition of something that was introduced in Xenoblade 2 - TIME ATTACKS. Effectively, wave-based fights where speed is key, but skill can save the day in terms of your “score”, which awards you a special currency that only applies to items in the mysterious pocket dimension of time trials.
Also the time trials are headed up by a cheeky nopon archsage who comments on your fights, grades your performance, and sells you shit. But instead of using your cash-money, you gotta use his crypto-currency of NoponBits™ to purchase special cosmetic “vacation” armors, gems with fixed stats, oh, and MASTER TOMES which can bump your arts levels ALL THE WAY UP TO XII. Which, y’know, is kind of a big deal, if you’re willing to brush up on your tactics.
The following content contains spoilers for Xenoblade Chronicles, including its main story, possible sidequests, character features, and the usual stuff you’d hope to not have spoiled for you. Among these things, there is also strong language, mild-to-spicy sexual themes, metric-tons of VIOLENCE, potentially crass humor, and of course, Memes™
So without further ado, let’s get into it.
Before we get into what kind of trouble our harrowing homs soon-to-be heroes are gonna get up into let’s take a flashback trip to FOURTEEN GODDAMN YEARS AGO BECAUSE WHY NOT?
Here, we have a group of Homs in heavy cold-weather gear, crossing a frigid expanse in the midst of a blizzard, looking for something amidst the raging tundra.
And of course, someone thought it would be a good idea to bring their KID ALONG FOR THE TRIP.
Wait, that’s no ordinary snot-nosed kid. That’s our titular protagonist, SHULK! Granted, he’s just four years old at this point, but there’s no mistaking that sunlight-blonde hair!
As the expedition team proceeds through a frozen crevasse, they come upon some weird-looking stone door, all marked up with fancy engravings. And, somehow, it opens for them. And I don’t mean like, the way a traditional door opens by swinging, no this shit just SLIDES OPEN, Japanese paper-door-style. Although not quite as fast.
Whatever this shelter is, it seems like a good place to hunker down until the blizzard passes. Sure, it may be frigid on the inside as well, but at least it wouldn’t be a constant assault on the senses with snow and wind pelting your face.
But wait. We’re getting an outside shot of the weird ice building we’re in. And there’s a FAMILIAR GLOWING LIGHT PIERCING OUT TOWARDS THE SKY
After a fade-to-white and an abrupt cut-from-white, yet another traveler is braving the frigid region, although the blizzard has at last subsided, and the panting efforts do sound familiar.
Sure enough, when he opens up those same doors, we do see his big dumb bandana and hay-stache, only for him to tell us “no”.
Holy SHIT, either everyone had a wild as fuck party in this weird dark fancy-looking structure, or everyone’s DEAD.
Probably the latter, knowing this game.
And then THERE IT IS. The GOD-SWORD itself. Looks like it was contained here. Or, housed. Or something. Look, one floaty ring around the grip isn’t going to exactly keep people from stealing a big red hyper-tech sword.
BUT WHO’S THAT JUST UNDER IT?? Why, it’s Shulk! And he’s still alive, if that wiggling curl of heat-preservation is any indication.
Kinda weird that Dickson ignored the Monado and just, took Shulk back with him. I guess since his parents in that expedition force are DEAD, someone’s gotta raise him right.
Aaaaaand end of flashback. We are now back in present times.
SO, we’ve fended off a large Mechon invasion and saved the town, but in the process lost a party member via DEATH, and didn’t even get to properly revenge-murder the killer. Only best bet now is to head out and track him down, so that we can get our vengeance.
And also to give us a plot reason to leave home, of course. Can’t spend the whole game in the Colony. I mean, we can always come back later for yet more side-quests, but we can’t just long-range mortar-snipe our problems all the way from the Bionis Shin.
Shulk and Reyn, the best of buds, heading out with purpose in their steps, and a goal in mind. And here we get a shot of Dunban telling us once his arm heals, he’ll be right behind us.
Mmmmmm yeah don’t know about that one chief
So our first planned stop is going to be Colony 6 - The Mechon would have to fly down along the leg to get at Colony 9, and Colony 6 is somewhere up on the knee, or the lower thigh. Who knows, maybe they were hidden just well enough to spy the incoming attack and couldn’t get word to us quickly. We are, afterall, on a Pangaea-sized colossus.
At least, the ones that we can run through. For all the affinity build-up from fighting and gifting eachother collectables, “Paola and Narine” becomes a bit harder to complete when they ask for two female party members to be good friends, and you have exactly ZERO of those.
BUT THAT’S FINE. We’ll hold onto that for later. For right now, though, we should head out to Tephra Cave, where we can start making our climb up the leg, and towards Colony 9.
Also it’s got some side-quests as well to satisfy our questing needs, because gear is EXPENSIVE. But also items later on that we need are expensive, such as ARTS MANUALS.
Arts Manuals allow you to upgrade the maximum level that you can take your arts to, with books ranging from intermediate, to expert, and with Definitive Edition, Master-level. Leveling up Arts takes AP (Arts Points), which are earned in battle along with EXP (experience) and SP (skill points). All of these rewards scale based on your level difference in a given fight.
Which means as tempting as it sounds, power-leveling yourself in an effort to get more rewards effortlessly isn’t as good of an idea as it sounds. Or at least, that used to be the case before EXPERT MODE WAS A THING
See, back in Xenoblade 2, you gained bonus/reserve EXP alongside your normal leveling up, and you could only spend it when you were at an Inn (or with certain NPCs) to level up or redeem rewards. BUT, you could also adjust your level DOWNWARDS at same-said inn, and bank the exp from those levels for later in case you wanted a properly-rewarding fight or “a fair challenge”.
Oh HEY, that locked door on our first trip through Tephra is now open, and the warning light that was flashing at the console is off now! ...Suspicious. Also, there’s now actual Colony Defence Force troops stationed in Mag Mell. About time we got a detachment to come check this out and hold things down.
And, not too far into this new branch of Tephra, we spy ourselves an Ether Lamp. Seems traders used these to light their way through cavern systems when crossing stretches of the Bionis like this. Kind of like bigger, battery-powered flares, except they’re much less temporary.
The lamps should act as good guideposts, and point us on our way to the Bionis Knee. We just gotta be careful - armed traders needing guideposts means either this place is twisty-turvy, or these are some MEAN fuckin’ monsters in here.
Actually, the monsters in here aren’t so bad. The only major difference being their AGGRO TYPE.
So far, there have only been two kinds of monsters - monsters that attack when you throw the first punch, and monsters that will GET YOUR ASS ON SIGHT. But here in Tephra, regarding these spider monsters, we have a new aggro-type - SOUND.
When you run around, you make a bunch of noise. Jumping also probably makes a bunch of noise. And if you do either of these things within proximity of any monsters that aggro based on sound, they don’t even need to see you. They can HEAR YOU and GET YOU FROM RAW ECHOLOCATION.
The solution to this conundrum? Just, walk. Walking calmly reduces noise drastically, and you can walk past most sound-aggro monsters without worry. I, personally, try not to get too close, and just take my time walking on by. They’re not worth the time or the damage.
Unless they’re pivotal to a side-quest. Then it’s Murder City.
Along the way of discovering new landmarks, slaying new uniques, and generally committing murder for fun and profit, we find a group of traders in cut-scene land!... Which is a fancy way of saying they’re DEAD.
“Look at the emblem. They’re traders from Colony 6″ WHAT EMBLEM, THEIR ARMOR LOOKS ENTIRELY IDENTICAL TO THAT OF COLONY 9
Not that it did them much good, though, since they’re kind of very fucking deceased.
It’s apparent that their injuries were caused my monsters, not Mechon. If Mechon wanted to kill someone, they’d at least try to consume the bodies for Ether-power, or obliterate them with some crazy-powerful blast, probably.
“They probably had families... Children...” WOW, SHULK, JUMPING STRAIGHT INTO THE GRIM SIDE OF THE POOL, ARE WE?
And now, we return them to the Bionis. “What’s born of the Bionis returns to the Bionis.” Which is apparently the way of the Homs. A way that coincides with typical burials, as well as atypical burials into ether-charged pools of water spitting spirits like it’s FINAL FANTASY X OR SOME SHIT.
And with that, our pair of best friends decide that now would be a good time to get some rest. With Shulk being wide awake and volunteering to take first watch, Reyn gets the first nap. The first watch goes by rather uneventfully.
Now it’s Reyn’s turn to keep watch while Shulk gets some rest. It’s been a while since a proper nap, maybe it’ll do us some good after all we’ve been through so far. I mean, we’ve gotten stronger, sure, but that strength came at a price.
Wait where is this place?
“Do you wish to change it?”
Change what?
“The future.”
If everything weren’t in this dreamscape sepiatone, I’d be able to figure out just what the hell this giant rocky terrace is. Also doesn’t help that this omniscient twink with fog-obscured features and a strikingly-monotone voice is telling me about how everyone wants to change the future, but we’re the only ones capable of really doing so, as well as something about finding the True Monado.
What does that MEAN, there’s only ONE GOD-SWORD, and yet you’re implying that there’s a TRUE GOD-SWORD.
Wait that doesn’t sound like this guy’s voice. Reyn, is that you?
“Tis a future threat,” I uttered, “A plot device, and nothing more.”
So after that dream-vision of Reyn also getting FUCKING MURDERED VIA STABULATION, we get awoken by the soothing sounds of Reyn calling out our name like five or six times, and find out we’re SURROUNDED BY BUGS.
There’s a LOT of fucking bugs, and they’re all kinds of nasty. Which is why it’s a good thing our pair of heroes have a bunch of AoE attacks to sweep across the horde and mow them down.
With the swarm cleansed, and our heroes (relatively) rested up, it’s time to get a move-on, as we head further into Tephra and towards the Knee. All the while, Shulk is reminded of his vision, and becomes incredibly doubtful of his actions. But doubt won’t get us anywhere.
As we creep further into the cave, we come across some spider-like egg sacks. All kinds of big and webby, but it also looks like there’s some scraps of Mechon parts woven into the mix. Possibly as a form of protection, since the monsters might have enough intelligence to know that Mechon armor is hardy and defensible?
But while we’re having all this conjecture, the vision reminds Shulk, and before he can warn Reyn about the danger and to get back, our lovable meathead gets SNAGGED by a web-sling and PULLED INTO THE CEILING
Just like the Arachnos, the eggs will also respond if there is any sound made by running. Granted, their only attack is an art that makes them hatch into a bunch of smaller arachnos.
As we’re running to find our bud, we come across a cavern full of GLOWY WATER and it all looks actually really pretty. And there’s a unique monster in here! But we’ll have to get back to him later because solo Unique fights are a big No at this point in the game. PLUS THERE GOES REYN, BEING CHASED BY A BUNCH OF BUGS
I’d say he can probably handle a swathe of arachnos since mechanically, he’s that strong at this point. BUT THIS IS CUTSCENE LAND, WHICH MEANS THAT SWARM IS A REAL THREAT AND WE NEED TO CHASE IT BEFORE REYN GETS DEAD
It’s at this point we’re introduced to VERTICAL MOVEMENT (aside from jumping) in the form of CLIMBABLE WALLS.
All you have to do to mantle up one, is just walk up to it. Jumping into it also works, if you want to skip the half-second of animation where your character finds a foothold and gets a grip.
Any and all climbable walls from this point on are indicated by both a special wall texture, and an up/down arrow symbol floating in front of it, and while the former may vary based on locale, the latter will be your dead giveaway of “Hey, you should climb this shit, it’ll get you places.”
And right now, we need to be places. Places like, where Reyn went off to.
Y’know, before he ends up smack dab in the middle of DEATH CITY.
We’re just gonna, avoid all these fights around the pools here. Much as I’d love to git swole, I don’t wanna outpace our lovable meathead in terms of stats, but also the URGENT music is playing, which means WE GOTTA HURRY AND GET ON WITH THE PLOT TO SAVE OUR FRIENDO.
Oh hey look, Shulk is actually SPRINTING to catch up to and save Reyn. WHY CAN’T WE DO THAT MECHANICALLY TO GET AROUND FASTER?!
And in a matter of seconds, we’re caught up to our neighborhood chad-of-a-Defence-Force soldier buddy, standing at the heart of this Arachno nest, surrounded by several dozen creepy crawlies. WE’RE HERE, BUDDY, WE GOT YOUR BACK!
“I kill one, and ten more pop up!” Funny you say that. We’ll be farming these guys for sidequests later, as well as EXP when we find stronger ones.
And I guess, Shulk just KNEW to do a 360-spin with the sword to send that ether out????? I GUESS???
It’s almost like some kind of new Art, involving the power of the Monado, to provide a Shield of some kind.
WELP, no time to question it more than once, Shulk, because your interference and brightly-lit choice of weapon has garnered the Queen’s wrath for denying her sustenance through tenderized beef, so she’s COMING TO GUT YOU INSTEAD
I’m fully convinced that Reyn could do the same goddamn sequence that Captain America does in the MvC3 trailers where he blocks every helicopter blade and then grind the copter across his shield to save the day.
He absolutely could.
Except, y’know, we’re brilliant strategists, and we’ve got THE FUTURE VISION ON OUR SIDE. Which is to say, we now have a NEW MECHANIC TO PLAY WITH.
VISIONS™ are an important part of fights now, between bossfights, unique monsters, and even swathes of normal beefy monsters. The requirements for a Vision to trigger are somewhat abstract at times, but typically, they can trigger most-often during times of danger - When an enemy is rearing back for a Talent Art, or a massive Art is squaring up to NUKE one of your party members, is usually a common prereq.
WHEN you trigger Visions, they come with a simulation of what’s gonna happen, to whom, the name of the Art in question (color-coded to tell you which type it is), how much it’s gonna hurt/any statuses it will apply, and lastly, the amount of time you get to make that NOT HAPPEN, or to mitigate it.
In this case, we’ll get a vision tag of the spider momboss readying their Talent Art, which will OBLITERATE a large chunk of Reyn’s health, armored or otherwise. The usual way to handle this? By using our Monado Arts, specifically the new one, Monado Shield, which will nullify enemy Talent Arts targetting a given party member, reducing the damage dealt to 1, negating any detrimental effects, and wasting the enemy monster’s Talent Art.
Because we are, again, brilliant strategists, we boutta rewrite this whole sequence of events by smashing some vision tags (the bars that tell you all the vision deets) and completely shut down this boss.
Toppling a monster causes the timer before the Art gets executed to pause, and if you initiate a Chain Attack, then you can, say, topple the monster before hand, begin the chain, and topple them AGAIN to extend the topple timer.
OR, if you want to go EVEN FURTHER BEYOND, and you’ve been grinding like a maniac (like I do sometimes),
You might already have Shaker Edge, Shulk’s stunning move. Stun only works on Toppled enemies, BUT, if you Stun a downed monster that’s had their Vision divined, then you’ll COMPLETELY OBLITERATE their readied Art until they get up from being Toppled, where upon the Vision will “restart”, and a NEW Art will be readied and used in place. And, again, you can stack Stun time by Stunning the Toppled enemy, going into a Chain Attack, and hitting them with the Stun again, because timers don’t tick down during a Chain Attack.
And JUST LIKE THAT, the Spider Momboss fight is a SHUT-OUT, and we are VICTORIOUS
Time to get the fuck out of this cavern before Papa spider finds out we’ve committed matricide and seeks righteous revenge.
“The future... It isn’t set. It’s more like a warning.” And here, we have the game applying the mechanics in-lore, which I absolutely love about the writing. This intrinsic mechanic about predicting your opponent’s move through precognition and “rewriting the future” gets a lore grab. And I love that.
Whatever, we’re almost halfway there. Halfway there. Halfway there.
Using that acidic juice we got from committing pesticide, clearing the webbing in our way’s pretty easy, although I’m a little perturbed by this. It didn’t hit me immediately, but as with several other things that will happen later on, we effectively got a “key” item, something for progressing through roadblocks and troubles,
And it only ever gets used once. And then it never gets brought up again for any other possible uses or places. That’s it. That’s the one time it’s used. And this won’t be the only time this happens with a new key item, either.
BUT THE IMPORTANT PART IS, we’re out. We’re finally free of Tephra Cave, and we survived to see the sunny clear sky on the other side, with our best buddy.
Granted, we’re still a long ways down from, say, above the belt-line of the Bionis, which again, is a colossal humanoid continent, BUT, we’re at least at the knee of the Bionis, whereas Colony 9 started us as somewhere about the mid-way back-end of the Shin, methinks.
We’ve covered a surprising amount of ground, and all we had to do was get ambushed by bugs.
And now, for a scenic pan-shot of the Bionis, as well as a flip-around to “our enemy” on the other side of a wall of clouds. The Mechonis.
Unbeknownst to our heroes, they are being SPIED ON by a Mechon scout drone, surveying them with an ominous red lens camera. Because, y’know, nothing says “evil” quite like glowing red lenses on your literally-heartless unthinking machines.
Where? Why, up the length of the Bionis leg, same direction as us, apparently! But why?
If this transition is going to tell us anything, it’s exactly that “why”, as we get a pan-down into some dark, creepy underground place, with that scout reporting to a-
Hey wait a minute, I’ve seen those glowy red lights before, running down lines. But, the body’s all wrong - it’s big and bulky, rounded instead of jagged and angular...
And it seems that scout is transmitting the info it got through various beeps and boops. Y’know, as machines do.
No word from the big man, if he even has words to say. We don’t even have a clue if Mechon are capable of speech, all we hear is a bunch of whirring gods, electrode signals, and grinding steel.
Clankers, the whole lot of them.
At least the big man has an ‘appetite’, evidenced by that probably-dead-as-hell Defence Force soldier’s body being tossed around like a Twizzler and SLORPED UP REAL FAST.
Apparently he can also laugh. I’d know that ‘bouncing’ animation from anywhere. That’s quiet laughter. Something funny to him...
Not that we’ll ever know what, as the scout finishes its transmission, and we get one last shot to reveal that it is, in fact, a FACE MECHON, but not the same one that attacked the colony, as well as an arm to hide that face, before transitioning out to black.
Only time will tell.
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Lyer from Mia's World is going to superhell for gay crimes, attempted murder, home invasion, instigating a child murder, and being an over-all bastard man.
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Lyer from Mia’s World is going to super hell for gay crimes, attempted murder, home invasion, instigating a child murder, and being an over-all bastard man!!!
requested by: @purroddity
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animasapiens · 3 days ago
Brainstorming a Nirvana in Fire/Joy of Life xover
-Daliang takes the place of Beiqi, Nanqing replaces Nanchu. I realize the geography probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s the only way I can think of to make this work, tbh.
-When the war between the two countries happen, Jingyan gets sent as a general along with Nihuang to repel the invasion. Instead of the Wei Zheng arc Xia Jiang and/or Prince Yu uses Yan Bingyun to leak military info, causing Jingyan to lose favor with Worst Dadperor#1. 
-Xiao En was probably one of Lin Xie, Yan Que, and Paranoid Dadperor’s friends, but he got captured like way before the Chiyan mess happened. Zhuang Mohan was probably one of Lin Shu’s teachers, MCS helped with the hostage exchange as a way of saying thanks after Zhuang Mohan took part in the court debate.
- Paranoid Dadperor is paranoid and has Xiao En interrogated to make sure he didn’t leak secrets. He also wants to know about the Divine Temple and Ye Qingmei
-MCS probably isn’t eager to free Xiao En or anything, but Lin Chen Wants To Know about the temple secret and hurries to Jinling and badgers MCS into helping. 
-(He is desperate to find a cure for the Bitter Flame poison and it’s the best lead he’s had in a while, okay)
-Fan Xian gets under MCS’s skin. The kid reminds him too much of Lin Shu, all brilliant arrogance, martial might, and forceful charisma. Some part of him waits to see Fan Xian crash and burn. But he recognizes a fellow schemer and Fan Xian’s willing to help him find proof that Xia Jiang and Prince Yu sabotaged the war efforts.
-Not sure how much MCS/Langya Hall knows about Fan Xian’s parent situation. They definitely know he’s not Fan Jian’s bastard. If they have knowledge of Ye Qingmei marrying the emperor, it was sufficiently long ago that the record got stuck in some dusty backroom after several changes to the archival system.
-Changing the backstory a little. The Hua tribe once bordered the two countries and their former land is now split between both. They’re focusing their anger on Daliang, but they’re not exactly happy with Nan Qing either. 
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anonymousalchemist · 3 days ago
For the ask meme: 1. Eugenides 2. Irene Attolia
First impression - Whos this prison rat (affectionate)
Impression now - my son, beloved by the gods (derogatory), the inner machinations of his mind are an enigma, ten thousand steps ahead of everyone else, idiot (affectionate).
Favorite moment - oh gen gets so many good moments......this is too hard to decide............................anytime he is bastard is good......maybe the "go to sleep" moment.
Idea for a story - i'd like to see a story about gen when he's like a Very Established King, or something written as a retrospective history on near-invasion by the mede during his reign, like someone's thesis on the little peninsula that cites to first person sources like gen's correspondence with helen or something like that. i just think that sorta meta thing is fun :0
Unpopular opinion - i dont think i have any unpopular gen opinions? I feel like most of my opinions on this man are pretty normal.
Favorite relationship - gen and irene, probably, because i enjoy how much of their relationship is complicated doublespeak to the outsider, whereas on the inside its very much just affection (after the events of qoa, at least, lmao).
Favorite headcanon - gen goes down in history as a very serious and good ruler for a long time because people were actually quite intimidated by him for the majority of his reign but then some early primary sources are found and reveal that he is a bastard (affectionate).
First impression - pretty, probably one dimensional, not going to be relevant later. (in my defense she shows up for like 2 min in the first book)
Impression now - my wife
Favorite moment - to paraphrase, that moment when she's like "what remains of the thief's life, he spends with me" - thats just such a good moment in how it seems so threatening but is actually a confirmation of yep im keeping the boy
Idea for a story - i would love to see pre-canon baby irene doing some absolute schemes with relius and also just having the worst time.
Unpopular opinion - i dont think this is unpopular but damn girl you shouldnt have cut your boys hand off
Favorite relationship - i talked about gen and irene above so i'm gonna say irene and relius, actually, because even though we get very little of the relationship onscreen i just think they're neat and im valid.
Favorite headcanon - i think this is canon but i support the interpretation of irene just having no idea what she was feeling toward gen and being like "what is this feeling....hatred?" no thats love my man.
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sankta-arya · 4 days ago
Darklina Anon again 👋 I didn’t have any specific scene except maybe a fight and hot kiss 🔥. I’m open to different variable. I’ll give your darklina fics a look 💜
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Hey anon!
I haven't made much progress on the fic, but I decided to share a couple of snippets I wrote for WIP Wednesday. Sadly, no Jonsa interaction yet.
They might not make it into the final fic because I'm probably going to write a scene from Siege and Storm.
There was only one path for children in the North, becoming a soldier. Our country was always under attack. The Ironborn and the Southron Alliance was relentless. We had been at war for years, possibly centuries. But these enemies were nothing compared to what lived beyond the Wall. Or rather, didn't live. The dead didn't stay dead there. They became part of a different army. Which was yet another reason why every child in the North had to become a soldier.
But I knew I would never be one. The septa and the master at arms had been looking at me with disappointment and pity in their eyes for as long as I could remember. I was never strong enough to lift a sword or even to nock an arrow.
The maester had pointed out that I had fine and delicate hands, and that I might learn to be a cartographer. I also turned out to be proficient with a needle, and soldiers' clothes always need mending. This life of tagging along and finding odd jobs while I learned suited me just fine. I'd never been a fighter. But my brothers and sisters and the other children from the village resented me for it. "You're pretty," Cley had told me once. "Maybe you'll attract the attentions of some Night's Watch officer. Your life will be even easier then."
The Night's Watch was the only thing standing between us and the White Walkers. And they were led by a man whose name was whispered with fear and respect, even as far south as the border defences of Moat Cailin, as if the man himself would be able to hear it all the way from Castle Black. Lord Commander Snow had been defending the North against its most dangerous enemies for years. They called him the Darkling Bastard of the Wall, but no man would dare to say it to to his face.
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"There was another girl, a long time ago," Daenerys told me.
"Long-faced and grey-eyed. I don't remember her name. You could ask him if you're brave enough. I'm sure he does remember. He almost killed me for her."
I blinked in shock. I couldn't imagine what might have led Aemon to try and murder his aunt, his only companion in his long immortal life. "What happened?"
Daenerys offered me a smirk and chose not to answer my question, or perhaps she did. She might have misunderstood what I wanted to know.
"I killed her to teach him a lesson." She looked at me, her violet eyes glittering with delight. "Does that scare you, Sansa?"
"It doesn't scare me. It... repulses me," I answered.
Daenerys shrugged. "We were gods among men, Sansa, and she was but dust."
"Is that why he became what he is?" I asked sharply, my breath catching in my throat as I realized what I was implying.
"Perhaps. I suppose you could say he took the lesson to heart." She tilted her head, seemingly more amused by my question than anything else. "Are you asking me whether it was all my fault?"
I lifted my chin. "Yes."
"I suppose it was," she mused, almost surprised. "I was so hungry for power. I'd been terribly powerless when I was younger, you see," she added, as if that was an excuse for all the horrible things she'd done.
"And I made strength my name, a horrible, merciless kind of strength. The War of the Five Kings had torn Westeros apart. My invasion destroyed what was left. And then the Andals came."
"Didn't you try to stop them?" We all knew the histories. Every child in the North did. But it would be different to hear it from someone who had actually lived through it.
She laughed, a sound like silver bells. "I wanted to leave, go back to Essos, escape from the chaos I had created, and I wanted to take him with me. But do you know what he told me, Sansa?"
I didn't have to guess. "I am the shield that guards the realms of men," I quoted him.
"There were no armies left to protect Westeros from the Andal invaders, so he made one of his own."
"The White Walkers, and the wights," I continued, when she remained silent, staring off into the distance.
"Yes," she sighed, "but he couldn't control them. You know the rest of the story."
I did. "Brandon Stark built the Wall, to keep them out."
"And he charged my nephew with the defense of it," she said flatly.
I balled my fists in frustration. "And the Andals conquered half of Westeros anyway."
"So they did. But the North remained free."
I leapt to my feet, moving away from her. I'd had quite enough of her for the day. "Whatever this is," I snapped, "it's not freedom."
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Was there ever a moment when Arthur tried to be a good parent and comfort his children?
I think so! I think he breaks down and has emotions with his kids. @rebelsandtherest just told me so much about British history and I'm having feels about this old salt bastard now. In my head, Arthur is fairly okay at showing he cares but terribly awkward about telling them he cares. He cares a lot. His existence as he knows it was created by an extremely fragile ancient/medieval childhood. The waves of Celtic, Roman, Anglo-Saxion, Norse and Norman invasions were always shocks to his system and left him spinning in his identity until the early modern period. The vulnerabilities of his tween years when the Vikings are practically bringing his centres of culture and learning to their knees with the kingdoms itself left a deep scar on his psyche and I think in addition to the physical defence of the territories under the empire, he's actually very concerned with the safety, wellbeing and education of his wards or children. Especially the ones that come into existence because of his actions. The younger of the dominions were raised in the victorian era and it can't undo or justify the circumstances of their existence as the products of imperialism, Arthur took a lot of care to educate them in the ways he thought would best serve them and keep them safe. He remembers his own childhood and says 'they must have it better than I did,' but doesn't think he needs to say he loves them. They're his children, of course, he loves them. Why would he need to say that out loud? It is implied in their very existence.
I think he tried to be on the cutting edge with technology and medicine and everything as well, but the Victorian era was still pre-modern medicine. His children are still subject to the distance of ship-based travel and new untested things. He's the father who isn't very verbal with his affection but makes sure all his children are eating enough, warm enough and keeps an eye on policy to make sure of all that. He checks on his children after lights out and makes sure they're securely tucked in under enough layers and is kissing foreheads and smoothing back hair to check to make sure they're well and hale. When they're very young especially, crops fail, ships sink, lead is in everything, and even later victorian tech is terrifying, disease breaks out and as a result, I think Arthur actually has a lot of anxiety about raising his children well and wants to comfort his kids a lot more than he does because he thinks it's a weakness to coddle them but god if it's something existential? They're ill to the point he's worried? Something happens to them that's a historical first? He watches one of them die in his presence? A nightmare that ends in shouts at one am? A particularly brutal part of the wars he wishes he could send them away from? With those sorts of things it's going to be a lot of him holding them to his chest so tightly they can't see the devastation and fear that his love for them leaves in his expression.
Arthur comforting... It's a lot of his rope scarred sailor's hands in the fine hair of his young children as he holds them to him and tries to drown both their anxieties in the comforting words of parent's everywhere. He cradles them and chants "You're all right, I'm here, I've got you, I won't let anything happen to you," until he can make it true, or at least he wishes he could banish whatever is wrong and hates himself a little for not being able to. So absolutely, love might not be spoken aloud, but hell yes it exists enough to comfort his children.
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judediangelo75 · 5 days ago
Doctor/Hospital AU Snippet
Side Note: I am, by no means, a medical student okay? This isn’t gonna include a lot of medical jargon. This is just to test this AU to see if I’m gonna be invested in this idea. And to see if you guys like it too, I do like sharing my work. 
Plus small age difference, Talbott is 27 while Judith is 25.
Judith went over her clipboard, reviewing the information on her latest patient as she sipped on her green tea.
Talbott Winger. 27 year old male, six foot tall, weighing at 183 pounds. Came in with a fatal bullet wound in the chest, just missing his right lung by a two inches.
The night the young man came in was one of her rare nights off, being called at 1 AM at night to come in to do an emergency surgery to save the man’s life. 
The operation was deemed a success, Talbott has been sleep induced to help his recovery process, but Judith had yet to return home. Even after one of her closest friends, Chiara, insisted that she could take over from there. But Judith was rather stubborn, and stayed.
She was running off of caffeine and the energic buzz of her work place to help keep her going. She was doing her last round and was visiting the poor man who found himself at the wrong end of someone’s gun.
She finally entered her patient’s room to check his vitals. This stuff was like clockwork for her, she was so absorbed into her work that she didn’t noticed red eyes staring at her.
Talbott awoke to the beeping sound of a heart monitor and gentle, but firm, hands wrapping something around his arm.
He felt groggy as he opened his eyes, trying to remember what lead him up to this point.
He could remember gunshots, shouting, police sirens, the searing pain of a bullet entering his body, Tonks’ yelling at him to ‘stay with me, you bastard! You can’t die on me now!’-
He blinked a few more times as reality sunk in.
He was shot in the midst of a home invasion and was taken to the hospital. His chest still hurt but it was to the point it was bearable. 
He finally took a look at who was tending to him, only for his heart to skip a beat.
A young woman was mumbling under her breath as she jotted down some notes on her clipboard. She looked to be about his age or so. She at least half a foot shorter than him, but had a “no nonsense” air about her that made her seem taller. She had dark flawless dark skin, long brown black locs set in a high ponytail, and the most breathtaking eyes he has ever seen.
A pale shade of gold.
Talbott swallowed briefly. 
‘I’m in so much trouble...’
Talbott used to be a married man. He married his high school sweetheart, Badeea Ali, when he was 22. But after just four years of marriage, things fell apart. With Badeea traveling to showcase her art and him working in the police force, spending time together grew to be nonexistent. They still cared for each other and remained friends, but Talbott never dated again afterwards.
He focused on his work rather than dating. Even though Tonks, Andre, Penny, Nuri, Chiara, and his ex-wife Badeea were all insisting that he go out on a date with someone. He always said that nobody caught his eye and that he just wasn’t interested.
Until now...
Now here he was, probably still high off of painkillers, staring at this young woman in black scrubs and a white coat as if he was hit by Cupid’s arrow. He bit the inside of his cheek as he studied her facial features. His heart skipped another beat when she stepped closer to replace the IV needle in his arm. A faint sweet smell wafted up to his nose, making him feel lax. 
And he knew it wasn’t the pain meds...
‘Definitely in so much trouble...’
Judith paused when she heard a small irregularity in the heart monitor, her eyes finding red ones staring back at her. She rose a brow in surprise finding some clarity in those beautiful red irises...
‘Wait, beautiful?’ Judith mentally shook her head.
‘Chiara maybe be right. I need to some damn sleep if I’m thinking like that...’
“Ah, awake I see. Hello, Mr. Winger. My name is Judith Harris, I’m your assigned doctor as you recover here at Saint Mungos. How are you feeling?”
‘Like a high school boy with a crush...’
Talbott willed his brain to function on responding and not focusing trying to figure out that sweet accent in her voice-
“Thank you, Ms. Harris. I feel a little groggy. Slight chest pain but nothing too unbearable,” he answered. Judith nodded promptly, making slight note of this. Talbott took note that she didn’t correct him to say “Mrs.”, meaning she wasn’t married. 
‘Don’t go jumping to conclusions, she could have a boyfriend...’
“Do you remember how you got here, Mr. Winger,” she asked, looking up from her clipboard to study her patient. 
Judith would be a damn liar if she said that the young cop wasn’t piquing her interest. He was rather handsome. Dark skin (though a few shades lighter than her own), sharp angular features, thick sharp brows, trim bicolor hair, full lips, and piercing red eyes.  
He had a dark, mysterious vibe to him that appealed to her. Eyes that spoke of secrets about his personality...
And she felt tempted to look into them to see if she could figure them out.
She mentally shook her head again.
Goodness gracious, her singlehood was showing again...
She hasn’t dated since college, after her last failed relationship. All her closest friends have seen what type of mess she was the days after the fact before she just buried herself in her studies. 
She wanted to enter the medical field from a young age. To be like her dear father and help people. She’d be damned if she was going to let a break up over a man ruin her dream.
Even though that meant cutting off dating altogether.
David, Nuri, Chiara, Orion, Rath, Bill, Jae, Andre, even her aging father Kendrick have been on her ass about at least going out on a date. She always shut all of them with all types of excuses. Biggest one was that she wasn’t interested in ANY one.
Until now...
And out of all people on God’s green Earth, it had to be a patient under her care.
Bloody hell, she should schedule a vacation after this...
“I remember being shot...” Judith snapped out of her musings when the deep voice of her patient reached her ears. 
“Yes, my team and I were able to remove the bullet and keep you stabilized. You’re quite lucky, just two more inches to the right, that bullet would’ve punctured your lung,” she said. Good, no signs of memory loss...
“Lucky indeed... enough to be saved by an angel...” Gold eyes blinked at him in surprise and Talbott realized that he said that out loud.
Judith cleared her throat.
“W-Well Mr. Winger, by the looks of things, you seem to be healing quite well. This is the end of my shift, so if you have an questions, require anything, or need assistance, just press the buzzer and your assigned nurse, Ms. Lobosca, will come and assist. I’ll see you soon, Mr. Winger. Have a good night.” Talbott didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to his beautiful doctor (surgeon?) as she briskly walked out of his room. He groaned.
He really got it bad...
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jellycoma · 5 days ago
Hey there! I couldn't help but give your snow white au posts a few reads and since this fairy tale world is a little on the... medieval side (I assume) I wonder if the hunters were aware of the menstruation cycle (if the snow white were to have an afab body)? How would they react to bloody sheets or blood on their snow white's pants/skirt? Would they show empathy when it comes to cramps? And since hugging s/o while having a sensitive chest can hurt like a bitch, would they stop it if asked?
Yeah I’d say it’s somewhere thereabouts- probably 1500s Italy! I had to go down the research rabbit hole of women’s hygiene products in the middle ages of Europe for inspiration which leads us to this. I hope you enjoy anon! This is a part 1 because I got another ask similar to this so look out for another if you like!
CW for mentions of periods, mild mention of pregnancy, humiliation, and general gross yandere behavior under the cut!
Risotto, at first glance, gives no reaction. He is stony faced as always, even as you first realize what is going on and are in a panic to take your dress and his bedsheets to the river. He doesn’t feed your panic or embarrassment and gives you space to do whatever you need. He makes a point to stay away when you are crouched over in pain or calming down from wherever your emotions take you. He doesn’t even approach you at the fireplace at night to urge you to join him in bed. It feels like he’s avoiding you- but not for the reason you think.
You see, Risotto has a bit of a fetish- and doesn’t want to scare you off. You’ve only been living with them for about a month and you’ve been a bit flighty recently- the last thing he would want is for you to be frightened if he were too forward with his desires too soon.
(This 100% falls under his blood fetish, doesn't show his empathy but it's there, gives you lots of space (for now >:})
Prosciutto is very calm and empathetic. Like Risotto, he gives you ample space and even refrains from pestering you as you work. He came from a well off family with many sisters that he cared for deeply so he is the only one of the huntsmen that has experience with this. He quickly turns into your defender from Illuso and this pays off in you being quite sweet and agreeable towards him, which he thoroughly enjoys. He does not seek you out, but you often come to him anyway (which is exactly what he wanted- this scheming bastard) to hide away from the others, which on a few occasions turned into tender moments with you tucked under his protective arm, speaking happily about whatever came to mind. These moments alone are the only times you will hear him speak casually and softly and your trust for him unconsciously grows. He knows better than anyone that scaring you now could ruin your relationship. While he will fight to keep you here no matter what, it would be ideal if you stayed of your own free will. Earning your trust and acting gentlemanly at times like this is pivotal.
(Doesn't care about the blood, gives you lots of space and empathy)
Melone is far too nosy. He was once a doctor’s apprentice and is well learned about the four humors and the importance of this time of the month for you. He approached you once he figured out what was going on and sat with you, asking you extremely invasive questions. Once you left him, telling you how embarrassing he was to ask, he followed you around for the rest of the day pestering you. “You know- almost no women your age bleed- do you know why?” You didn’t want to know the answer. He has been following you around and loudly speaking about your condition- on one hand you wanted to ignore him, but on the other if Illuso were to hear he would surely begin torturing you again. You left your housework and approached Melone, who was now smiling happily to see that you were no longer ignoring him. “Well? Would you like to know?” Giving him a nervous smile, you gently took his hands in yours to shift his attention. He was looking at you with wide eyes. “I’ll make a deal with you- I’ll listen to you and tell you what you want if you stop speaking so loudly.” He suddenly laughed. “Oh- but my dear- there’s nothing to be ashamed of-” But you squeezed his hands into a vice grip to gain his attention once more. “Do we have a deal or not?”
It has been about five hours now. You sat with Melone outside by the river as he feverishly scribbled every word that came out of your mouth into his notebook. You, understandably, were tired and wanted to rest inside. “Melone...” He turned to look at you with his seemingly never ending smile. “Are... Are you done? I’m a bit tired and would like to rest.” His book slammed shut and he sighed contentedly. “(Y/N), I never told you why it is so uncommon for women your age to bleed.” Your kind smile faltered and you began to scoot away. “They’re all already pregnant, you see!” “O-h... Well that’s nice..” Before you could make a break back to the house Melone lunges to catch your waist in his arms and pulls you securely into his chest. When you look up at his face he is scarily lucid and self aware. “You don't really want to go back there- do you? I see how Illuso treats you. I think you can stay with me for a bit longer... Because if you go back inside I might not be able to help drawing him over.”
(Doesn't mind the blood, a little empathy, but no space whatsoever)
Ghiaccio is clueless. One minute you’re calm, the next you’re crying in pain. He spotted a bloody rag in the latrines and you’ve been darting away like a rabbit whenever he tries to approach you. He can’t stand how confusing you’re being- he knows that he isn’t skilled at communication, but when you run away every time he tries to ask you why he grows livid. He ends up scaring you one night when his frustration over this mystery boils over, pinning your wrists to a wall before you can run away. His voice is far too loud and angry when he asks you what is going on and you begin to cry instead of answering. Ghiaccio has only ever been distant and cold or suffocating with you so you thought it best to avoid him. You wish you could have ran faster because you were once again a crying, embarrassed mess. You prayed that Illuso wasn’t still awake.
As Ghiaccio observed your crying face up close for the first time he became flustered. He just wanted to know what was wrong- he loved you- so why were you crying? He gently brought your wrists together in front of you and held you as carefully as he could. He apologized for yelling, and finally asked what was up. You were slightly calmer now but still frightened as you explained to him, and Ghiaccio became completely embarrassed when all of it processed in his head. You looked so red he was worried you would pass out. He let you go while he sat down to absorb what he just learned.
When the huntsmen returned from their work next, you were surprised to find a large basket next to your little nest by the fireplace. Three new dresses, one far too pretty for you to ever wear, old linens cut into neat squares, various bags of dried herbs for tea, and a soft fur blanket. Ghiaccio stood behind you as you went through the basket, but left before you could thank him. “You can keep the dresses in my closet. If there’s anything you need- just tell me and you’ll have it.”
(Doesn't care about the blood, the most empathy, lots of space (and presents)
Illuso milks your embarrassment, many times leaving you in tears. Because you used to be a servant, you would wear a hemp girdle and rags to stay tidy, but yours was still under your bed at the castle. The noble women at the castle were pampered by all and simply bled without a thought- after all when there is an excess of blood it must be drained, but you cringed at the thought of doing that in front of the huntsmen. They had an immense kindness for allowing you to stay but they were still men, and relatively unknown ones at that. Needless to say you were stressed beyond measure when your dress and shift were stained bright red and you had forgotten to re-make your girdle earlier in the month. When Illuso found you, bloody and sobbing in nothing but your shift, huddled inside of the hen house, frantically weaving dried hemp with sore fingers, he could not help but laugh and leer at you viciously which only made you cry harder. He will taunt and grope at you maliciously the entire week, not because he hates you... But because he’s never been more turned on by your uncontrollable tears and humiliation. This is one of the encounters that sets your mind on leaving and your relationship with him is very poor for the future, much to Illuso’s frustration.
(Pretends to be grossed out about the blood, not a single drop of empathy, no space at all)
Formaggio takes this as a chance to earn your affections higher than the others. You’re his precious sweetie baby, his kitten, so when he sees Illuso grabbing you so harshly and pulling your hair he immediately comes to your rescue. He scoops you up into his arms and throws a swift kick at Illuso before booking it upstairs, where there was thankfully no one. You thank him for saving you as you calm down and wipe away your tears. He is very attentive to you, carefully stroking your hair. While Prosciutto leaves you alone until you seek him out, Formaggio is your guard dog, always sitting nearby as you do housework and doting on you when you’re in pain. In the past Risotto told the huntsmen that you would only share his bed, but now that he is seemingly ignoring you Formaggio has swooped in to take his place. Every night after you curl up in your nest by the fireplace, after all the other men have gone to bed, Formaggio can be found sitting near and stroking your hair, pleading with you to come upstairs and share his bed. “This can’t be comfortable sweetie baby. Come upstairs and let me keep you warm.” He’s extremely persistent- so much that if you ignore him he will stay with you through the night pleading. Once you do agree, he will carry your sleepy body upstairs and always return you to your makeshift bed by the fireplace before the others wake. This becomes a ritual between the two of you.
(Does not give a single shit about the blood, lots and lots of empathy, but not a lot of space)
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