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fedonciadale · 3 years

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The way some of the asoiaf fandom acts so high and mighty by stating they don't like incest pairings and specifically mention Jonsa in the same post. Bleh.

They're cousins, the same as Rickard/Lyarra and Tywin/Joanna. GRRM hasn't portrayed cousin marriage as toxic or wrong, nor has he said so. When Lysa wanted to marry Sansa to Lord Robert, Sansa's reaction wasn't "I can't marry my own cousin! That's disgusting!" It's simply not considered incest in the book setting.

And why point out Jonsa? They're not really brother and sister. That's the twist. Unlike Jonerice where they believe they're strangers but find out they're aunt/nephew, Jonsa believe they're half-siblings who will discover they are cousins. It's sort of like the k-dramas where supposed siblings dance around their romantic feelings & later discover they aren't actually related, or step-siblings who eventually fall in love, so they can be together. It's a whole trope.

Hi there!

You already know why they point out Jonsa. It's not related to the fact that Jonsa is supposedly incest. It's about the fact they hate Jonsa and need a 'moral' reason to justify that.

And you are quite right: pseudo-incest and kissing cousins is a trope - and one that usually ends well. Accidental incest is also a trope and it usually does not end well. This is interpretation of literature. I can point out that GRRM might use both without ever shipping any of them.

I think people need to chill a bit about shipping or rather they should differentiate.

1) Analysis: you look at a story and come to a conclusion where it might be headed. This is pretty neutral. I came to the conclusion that JKR was going for Romione in book four. I even came to the conclusion that accidental incest and Jonerice would happen in the books because I was convinced GRRM woukd milk the secret parentage trope to give us all the dramatic shit. I believed we would get an ending with Westeros saved but about every important person dead (because the narrative punishment for incest is usually death). Pseudo-incest couples escape death because they are not incest.

2) Vibing with a ship: That is sort of random. It depends on what you like and sometimes it's not even like but only fascination? It's about tropes you like it's about things you want to explore. And there is no need to give a morally valid reason for that? You can ship a problematic couple because you like horror? I ship Dramione and although my interest in the ship (and for a big part of the fandom as dar as I can see) the ship is about redemption and change. Classical enemies to lovers. But you know, I shouldn't even need to explain that I ship them in a 'healthy' way (I had legit a R0mione shipper tell me that I risked my mental health for shipping a 'toxic' pairing). But if there are people who write very dark fic, why not? Shipping something does not equal condoning that behaviour in real life. Or you could never write about murder, theft betrayal etc. Protagonists im literature are not necessarily heroes and they certainly should not be role models. Now, as for the vibing : Sometimes the moral comes into it. I dislike Sans@n for many reasons not all of them relevant here. One of the reasons I dislike it is because it's a grown man and a teenage girl. Now, it should be obvious that this reason does not apply for the shippers. Maybe they ship them in a completely different scenario because they are a lured by the 'Beauty and the Beast' trope, maybe they ship them as a horror scenario. I don't know how they ship them and I don't want to know. I've got the ship blacklisted ad that's it. If it ever becomes canon it will be one of the canon ships I hate (not that I think it will, the textual evidence devalidates the ship as deeply problematic and points towards it never happening - two different things).

Now, I think it would be completely senseless to tell people to stop vibing with that ship or even to tell them that they are morally wrong for shipping them. Because the influence of literature on us is far more complicated than : I read about a crime - I feel forced to commit that crime or I read about a crime and liked the story - This means I like the cime and want everyone to commit it.

That is why I can understand people who say they don't like Jonsa because they don't like the pseudo-incest trope or they don't like people getting together if they grew up together. That is a valid reason for not vibing with a ship. It does not say anything about where GRRM goes with his story though.

3) Canon shipping. Now, this is where analysis and preferences align and the shit usually starts. People vibe with a ship and they want it to be canon. We mostly want that because it just feels nice to be able to say 'I knew it!' And it feels nicer to say that if you like the ship. I never had the urge to say 'I knew it' when R0mione became canon. All I thought was 'well....'. And 'other ships would have had much more narrative potential '

But many people also think that canon validates their shipping (which is rubbish because canon doesn't say anything about the quality of a ship : take Lolita, nobody would argue that the canon pairing in that book is anything but disgusting). And this is where all the 'you should not ship that' from a supposedly moral highground comes from.

'You should not ship that because it's not canon' is a rubbish argument and people know it. This is why they try to put in moral reasons. You should not ship it because it is 'incest'. Neither says anything about the narrative potential of a ship. And to be honest literature without problems is boring. I'm all for some fluff but I could never read it all day.

Can I understand people who say they don't like Jonsa because they don't vibe with it? That's O.k. I think it can certainly border hypocrisy if they ship accidental incest instead or other couples who grew up together but are not related like Anne and Gilbert from Greengables. But we don't really need reasons for liking or not liking something.

What I don't get is the argument: this is immoral and that is why a) you should not ship it or b) the author won't ever go there.

I've seen this argument used against the Dark Dany ending. Dany was abused and her turning into a villain is such a terrible message for survivors. To which I can only say : no it's not a message it's the author exploring the subject of the abused becomes an abuser. Nowhere does the author say that any of his characters should be a role model. If you want role models read a moralistic treatise. Maybe just pick some aspects of literary characters. Remember that Frodo actually failed his task when it came down to it and it was only his past action of pitying and sparing Gollum's life that saved him and Middle Earth. If you take from LotR that pity is a good action you wouldn't be wrong. But we know that anyway don't we?

So, if people think GRRM would never go for a couple that is tortured by the fact that their half-sibling status prevents them from being together or that he won't use the trope of pseudo-incest (maybe in addition to accidental incest) they should better think again (or maybe have a look at the so-called Original outline, 🤣). They are absolutely in their right to say they wouldn't like that. The narrative potential is there nevertheless. And as you said. It's 100% possible in the world of ASOIAF.

So people who argue against Jonsa that it is incest are wrong in two aspects. This is not an argument against shipping them (see 2) and honestly it's not their concern if people ship them and it's not an argument against the author going there.

It always comes down to it that people are offended that Jonsas dare to canon ship them and that we dare to challenge interpretations of ASOIAF that were there since ACOK.

The thing is: literary analysis changes. It never stays the same. We see things now we would not have seen a decade ago. Every generation reads it differently. Every person reads it differently. And this is interesting. Gatekeepers get us nowhere.

Thanks!

#anon ask #jonsa #shipping and storytelling #shipping and canon shipping #arguments against Jonsa #they are all pseudo arguments

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rovelae · 3 years

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Behind the Scenes of “Hologram”

Today marks exactly one year since I posted arguably my most popular fic. “Hologram” is a postgame Saiouma one-shot about escapism, loneliness, and running away from the past. I put a lot of myself into this fic and I’m blown away by all the love it’s received, not only on AO3 but in Discord servers and other social media. All that excitement made me keep thinking about it, so I thought I’d share a (very self-indulgent) behind-the-scenes of sorts about how I wrote it, as well as what I think of the story.

This essay will contain spoilers for the whole fic, so if you’d like to read it first, you can find it here. Of course, if the tags scare you off, that’s valid, but you might want to skip this post too since I’ll be quoting it throughout (so, just to be safe, expect the warnings I’ve posted on AO3 to apply here too).

If you’re a Lorde fan you’ll recognize the lyrics in the fic summary – “Nothing’s wrong when nothing’s true,” from “Buzzcut Season.” The inspiration for this fic came to me while I was on my way to an early shift at work, and I needed a good song in my head to give me the will to live for the next eight hours. Not sure why I chose that song in particular, but maybe part of it is because I like imagining stories to go along with the songs I listen to, like AMVs playing in my head, and I’d never been able to pin down exactly what this song reminded me of.

The mood of the music is really what compelled me – there’s something lonely about it, and the lyrics sound like the singer’s trying to convince herself that everything’s okay even when all evidence points otherwise. There are “explosions on TV”, and “The men up on the news / They try to tell us all that we will lose,” but “we live beside the pool / Where everything is good.” Despite everything going wrong, despite the notes of fear creeping into the pre-chorus, the character will “play along… in a hologram with you” and “never go home again.”

From there, it was an easy jump to “postgame Saiou” and that was that.

There’s a cloud of seagulls hovering in the air around him, and a dozen or so more standing just out of reach, staring him down with beady black eyes. Kokichi takes a slice of bread from the loaf he’s holding and tosses it to one of the birds, watches it catch it and stumble under the weight, watches its head bob as it tries to swallow the whole thing at once. It gets remarkably far before four other birds descend on it, shrieking wildly.

“Mine, mine, mine,” he mumbles into his folded arms, wondering if Shuichi would get the reference.

He really wishes Shuichi was here.

Kokichi upends the rest of the loaf of bread onto the sidewalk and laughs at the resulting chaos until his chest aches.

To start off, I wanted to create the same lonely mood from “Buzzcut Season” in Kokichi’s simulation. He’s not exactly trapped there, but he’s refusing to leave, because as long as he’s on the fake Jabberwock Island, he can pretend the killing game never happened. The trade-off to that escapism is that the only people he can talk to are the NPCs, who aren’t complex enough to be remotely interesting to him, and Usami, who… well, tries her best, but is more of an informational / moderation program and can’t offer him what a therapist could.

The only thing Kokichi has to look forward to is Shuichi, who he’s convinced is an extremely lifelike computer program rather than the real thing, because the real Shuichi would definitely hate him for everything that happened during the killing game. He’s so locked into this line of logic that he doesn’t let himself consider that Shuichi has forgiven him – he doesn’t even have a good answer for why the Future Foundation wouldn’t just keep the supposed Shuichi AI on indefinitely, believing it’s their way of baiting him into leaving the simulation.

It’s not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle in the slightest, but Kokichi stubbornly refuses to do anything but wander the islands aimlessly, passing the time with ice cream and feeding seagulls until the next time he can see Shuichi.

He dreams that DICE is here in the simulation with him, smiling and carefree as they explore the weird music venue. One of them has gotten the karaoke machine working, and another found a box of kazoos and maracas in the back room. Kokichi already pities anyone unfortunate enough to walk by the building tonight.

“Not going to sing, Joker?” one of his DICE asks (over the sound of their youngest member shrieking through seven kazoos at once), sitting on the bench next to him.

“Some games are more fun to watch than play,” he answers, leaning back on his hands and sighing.

“Like a killing game.”

The warm dream-atmosphere turns cold then, and Kokichi’s head snaps over to look at him—but his brother is gone and Kaito’s looking back at him instead, blood in his teeth and face ashen pale.

“You... we don’t have to do this, man,” Kaito says, but it’s a lie and they both know it, and he doesn’t want to look behind him because he knows the machine’s looming over him with its unyielding steel and slow slow slow descent—

“You’re not real,” he snaps at dream-Kaito, who doesn’t respond except to lift him up again. “Nothing’s real, none of—PUT ME DOWN! LET GO OF ME! DON’T PUT ME BACK IN THERE!”

“Death is more mercy than you deserve,” Kaito says, and Kokichi claws and bites and kicks his way out of Kaito’s grasp like a wild animal, only to end up in front of a prison cell full of—

DICE, his beloved DICE, trapped and hurt and afraid, bloodied and beaten and helpless.

“Why didn’t you save us, boss?” says his second-in-command, clutching the bars with bleeding hands. “Why didn’t you do more? Now we’re all dead and it’s because of you.”

Moments like this are my reference to Buzzcut Season’s pre-chorus, where the not-okay starts to creep into the illusion. Despite Kokichi’s valiant efforts to forget, he’s still dealing with the aftermath of seeing his family hurt and in danger, watching his friends die, orchestrating the deaths of two of them, being killed himself— and then being told every bit of it was made up to entertain an audience who sees nothing wrong with that picture. Running away is not the way to heal from trauma, and one day soon it’s all bound to come crashing down around him.

“Do you know what this … island paradise represents, Kokichi?” [Hinata] asks, and Kokichi’s really not in the mood for a lecture but he continues anyway. “Jabberwock Island … was the setting for the fiftieth season of Danganronpa. The golden anniversary, they called it. It was my season.”

Kokichi hunches over, hugging his arms over his torso and stifiling a scream. He does not want to think about this right now—

“They wanted it to be the best season of all, which, unfortunately for us, meant it was also the bloodiest,” Hinata says. “Twice as many participants, deadly traps hidden across each of the islands— they even changed the way the motives worked, like when they told Fuyuhiko to cut out his own eye so Peko could have a quick death instead of suffering for days.”

“Do I look like your therapist, porcupine-head?” Kokichi hisses. A sharp pain is pounding into his skull, and there’s a bitter, metallic taste at the back of his throat. A taste like poison and blood.

“There was so much going on that the simulation malfunctioned,” Hinata says. “When people died, their Ultimate talents downloaded themselves into me. I’m told that the stress of so many personality grafts came close to liquefying my frontal lobe. I’m lucky I woke up at all… especially considering more than half of the others didn’t.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Kokichi grates out through the static building in his head. If he opens his eyes, will he see the beach or the dull chrome of the machine closing in on him?

“Because I know how much you want to forget about what happened,” Hinata says. “Believe me, I get it.”

….

“These things that happened to us… we can’t erase them, no matter how much we want to. Some things have to be remembered.”

I’d mostly like to leave Hajime’s season up to interpretation, but there are a couple things I wanted to say about it. I imagine Danganronpa is like the Hunger Games in that it’d go all out for big anniversaries. So, there were twice as many participants for the Jabberwock Island beatdown that was probably subtitled “Bloodbath Bay” or something equally appealing. The game’s formula changed from a focus on the mystery and the trials to “look at all these kids massacring each other a la Lord of the Flies,” and since the VR system wasn’t equipped to handle that many people and their deaths, it malfunctioned, giving Hajime way too many Ultimate talents and putting half the cast into comas from which they never woke up.

Viewers either absolutely loved or absolutely hated this season, depending on whether they were DR fans because of the “blood n’ guts” factor or the “mystery and psychological thriller” aspect. Team Danganronpa faced quite a bit of backlash for actually causing the real-life deaths of half its participants, but were able to weasel their way out of serious legal repercussions because of the waivers the participants had signed beforehand (plus a lot of bribery and falling back on their longstanding popularity). So, the cast of Season 50 failed to end the killing game, but helped provide great evidence for the “Danganronpa is morally wrong” argument.

Hajime works as a victim liaison for the Future Foundation and has been trying to take down Danganronpa since he got out of it. He’s like that in a few of my fics, actually; I like the idea of Hajime acting as a big brother of sorts to the V3 cast. It’s especially entertaining to imagine his interactions with Kokichi— though maybe not so much in Hologram, since to Kokichi he’s a representation of the past he’s trying so desperately to forget and the future he refuses to acknowledge.

“SHUT UP!” He launches himself at Hinata, his hands wrapping around the other man’s throat as he uses his momentum to slam him to the ground. “SHUT! UP!”

“Ko— ghk—” Hinata coughs, eyes wide with surprise, but aside from moving his hands up to grip Kokichi’s wrists, he doesn’t seem all that worried about fighting back.

The thought only fuels Kokichi’s rage until he’s choking Hinata so hard his knuckles are white. “If you want me out of this simulation so badly, you can kill me,” he snarls. “I’m never waking up! I’m never leaving, do you UNDERSTAND ME?”

Hinata grimaces, the outline of his avatar flickering, but he still doesn’t struggle, and Kokichi hates him all the more for it, despises him with a seething malice that festers low in his stomach. He wonders distantly if he’d actually kill this man in real life. Or if he’d be able to stop himself, feeling like this.

Kokichi’s breakdown here is more out of fear than anger. Like I mentioned, Kokichi sees Hajime as another piece of what’s hurt him, and no matter how Hajime tries to help, Kokichi will always remember Danganronpa whenever he sees him.

Warm yellow-orange light casts a relaxed, cozy glow over the dining hall. It’s an ambience compounded by the flickering candles on the table, which seems overly idyllic, but Kokichi will let it slide because of the adorable way Shuichi flushed when he noticed them as they sat down. Well, if he’s being honest, everything about Shuichi right now is adorable, from the way his hair keeps falling into his eyes to the way he’s nervously fiddling wth his chopsticks. Kokichi wishes he could keep staring at him forever.

Ah, not… not in a weird way, though, just… because Shuichi’s beautiful, and when Kokichi looks at him he can forget everything bad that’s ever happened, can create some new and brighter world to exist in.

This is an idea I wish I’d had room to explore a bit more in the story— that is, just how far Kokichi will go to pretend everything’s fine. I thought about making him border on delusional, like having him talk to people who aren’t there or forget what’s actually happening around him because he’s so lost in his fiction-within-a-fiction. It would have creeped Shuichi out a whole lot.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much room for that past the plot I’d already nailed down, so I focused on his loneliness and escapism instead. I do touch on it later in this scene, though— the couple paragraphs where he slips into fantasizing about being a phantom thief having a surreptitious meeting with his detective under the not-so-subtle supervision of his DICE. There would have been a lot more of that if I’d gone with the ‘delusion’ stylistic choice, to the point where even the readers would be confused about what’s real. Maybe I’ll look into writing something similar in a future story.

Eventually, Shuichi sets down his bowl and looks away with a little sigh, and Kokichi clenches his teeth because that’s the sigh he does when it’s time for that conversation.

“Um… Kokichi?”

Kokichi’s only response is to exhale the breath he’d been holding in a quiet hiss.

“I-I know you don’t want to, but… but I really need to talk to you about something,” Shuichi says. “Please?”

“My Mr. Detective can talk about whatever he’d like!” Kokichi says with a lilt to his tone that makes it sound more sarcastic than he wants it to. He takes the last bite of curry and wishes that it burns hot enough to hurt.

“It’s about Kaito.”

This more serious part of the date scene is meant to reflect the little bridge in “Buzzcut Season”:

“Cola with the burnt-out taste

I’m the one you tell your fears to

There’ll never be enough of us.”

It’s a part of the song that sounds especially bittersweet to me, a bit of self-awareness between the insistence that everything’s okay.

Really all I think I managed was to reference it when Kokichi’s internal dialogue comments on his drink being “so sweet it tastes burnt” and then later not tasting like anything. But hopefully the mood’s still there.

“Tell him… that I have nothing against him,” he says.

“That’s … not a lie?” Shuichi presses.

Kokichi shakes his head idly, still not raising his gaze. “I wanted to wreck the killing game and he wanted to save his friend. We both got what we wanted. I’d say the end more than justifies the means.”

Was that a lie?

(I don’t want to die Shuichi I��m sorry I’m sorry save me Shuichi please I’m sorry ithurtsmakeitstop—)

His fingers tighten into clawlike shapes, nails digging sharply into his forearms.

I really don’t think Kokichi would have anything against Kaito, even if here he’s not being completely honest with how much he’s affected by what happened. It wouldn’t make sense to him to hate Kaito for something he himself proposed, but I think there’d still be a subconscious barrier between them. Too much history.

“Don’t go, Shuichi, I’m so sorry, I— that was so dumb, what I said, please don’t be sad anymore.” He’s not sure if he can’t breathe because of the exertion of running or because of the hysteria boiling over in his head. “Please don’t go, I didn’t mean to hurt you— please don’t leave, Shuichi, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, Kokichi….” Shuichi’s tone is strange, soft and pitying, like he sees something Kokichi doesn’t, and he shakes his head slowly as more tears follow the paths of the others.

Kokichi goes to his knees, ready to grovel if that’s what it takes, but Shuichi follows him down, closing his other hand over Kokichi’s, and then they’re both crying and he doesn’t know why, and all he can do is repeat a mantra of I’m sorry and hold on as tight as he can.

It’s horrible. Shuichi’s horrible. Shuichi’s wonderful, and kind and lovely and perfect and Kokichi hates him, Kokichi adores him, and it doesn’t matter because Shuichi’s not actually here but Kokichi doesn’t want to be alone, just let me pretend some more, please, please let me have this—

“I’ll… I’ll stay,” Shuichi says at last. “I can stay a while longer.”

You shouldn’t, Kokichi wants to say, but his mouth won’t obey him. You shouldn’t stay if you don’t want to. I don’t deserve having you here. I’m not worth your mercy.

But there on the bridge, crying tears of relief, he soaks up as much mercy as he can get and hopes it’s enough to drown him.

I wanted to create a contrast between them that highlights just how the isolation and trauma Kokichi’s experiencing has affected him. He has an almost unhealthy reliance on Shuichi as “the only thing that makes this world bearable,” and panics when faced with the prospect of being alone again so soon. Part of why Shuichi’s crying is because he’s realized the extent of Kokichi’s desperation. It’s not that he thinks Kokichi’s apology is insincere, but that he’s hardly heard him apologize for anything before, so Kokichi going this far has him realizing how bad things really are.

The door rumbles and slides open when they approach, revealing the bright light of the log-out point that took Shuichi away every time, that would wake Kokichi up in his real body if he walked into it. Shuichi stops just a step away from it, biting his lip as if searching for something to say, but before he can find it, Kokichi reaches out to tug at his sleeve.

“Shuichi?” he says, distant as the waves on the beach that he can still hear if he listens closely enough. Shuichi turns back toward him. “Before you go, can I be selfish one more time?”

“Huh…?”

Shuichi doesn’t move when Kokichi steps closer, reaches up to ghost his fingertips over Shuichi’s jaw and around the back of his neck. He lets Kokichi tilt his head downward, lets him hover inches away, close enough to feel their breath mingle in the night air. Kokichi pauses there to give him the chance to pull away. He doesn’t.

So Kokichi closes his eyes and the distance between them.

That last line is a ZEUGMA! It’s a literary device where one word refers to two more in a different way. A popular example is the hyenas’ line “Our teeth and ambitions are bared” from The Lion King. It’s my favorite grammatical trick and I’d love to see more of it in fanfic.

Slowly, he slides his hand down to Shuichi’s shoulder, using it as leverage to push himself away. That hurts even more. He can’t seem to open his eyes, and he feels so weakened, breathless, fragile. Cracked open, hollowed out.

When he finally does open his eyes, Shuichi’s are wide with some mix of astonishment and a dozen other emotions. Kokichi bows his head, taking a deep breath to ground himself. “Sorry,” he whispers. “I just wanted to know.”

“Kokichi,” Shuichi breathes, like a bullet through his heart.

“Goodbye, Shuichi,” Kokichi says, and shoves him into the light.

Shuichi’s little yelp of surprise cuts off abruptly as he falls through the door, vanishing into the glow, and all too soon, Kokichi’s alone again in a dream that suddenly seems far too vast. Alone, with the faintest taste of Shuichi’s lips still lingering on his own.

And he thinks, It was enough just to know you.

It’s a lie.

Nothing to say here except that this is my favorite scene and I’m so happy with how it turned out.

Fake sun rises over fake ocean, fake seagulls glide through fake sky while fake wind tousles fake palm fronds. Kokichi lies on his stomach in the fake grass and talks to his fake family in the fake notebook. Gives them fake names and runs through everything he remembers about them. Apologizes, over and over, wishes he could hug each of them goodbye one last time. Wonders if it would be more painful to die or to never have existed at all.

He leaves the notebook of his memories on the seat of one of the Ferris wheel cars on the fourth island, because one time he promised them they’d steal the London Eye together.

He buys a can of fake soda from the fake convenience store on the first island and sits on the fake beach watching the fake waves. Wonders when he’d hit the end of the simulation if he started swimming, or if he’d drown first.

White sand, blue sea, bluer sky. Washed out, like an amateur watercolor painting.

He opens the soda can and raises it to his mouth, but … even the thought of drinking it makes him sick to his stomach. He sets it down in the sand and flicks it over, watching the bubbly liquid run down and sink into the sand. The color’s all wrong, like blood streaked against a metal floor.

He walks the fake streets of the fifth island, passing fake skyscrapers and fake commuters and their fake conversations, until he finally stops outside the factory he’s never been able to bring himself to go into. Smells like oil, and metal and machines and he can hear the sounds and he’s immediately back in the hangar, dizzy on adrenaline and desperation and leaning heavily on Kaito so he doesn’t keel over and die then and there. Kaito says something about how maybe he should sit down for a minute, and Kokichi didn’t agree back then but he does now, goes down on all fours and dry heaves.

When his vision solidifies and he can stop gasping for breath, he sits up and presses his back against the factory wall, covering his ears and hiding his face in his knees. Tries to convince himself not to imagine Shuichi’s there with him, holding his hand again, promising everything’s going to be okay.

“I’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you anymore,” or maybe, “Breathe with me, it’ll be over soon. You’re safe now.”

I love you.

He laughs until there’s nothing left in his lungs. He called these little daydreams obsession, before, but now they just seem sick and insane.

I wanted to indicate throughout this scene that Kokichi’s gotten substantially worse. Instead of halfheartedly interacting with the NPCs or finding something to spend time doing, he’s aimlessly wandering the islands, focused on how fake all of it is. Not even talking to his sketches of DICE can make him feel better. The suicidal ideation starts to slip in even if he doesn’t realize it— a fixation on wondering what death is like, purposefully triggering himself by walking by the factory….

The thing I want to talk about most though is the italicized I love you. I left it outside of quotation marks and dialogue tags on purpose because I wanted it to be ambiguous as to who’s saying it. If it’s Kokichi’s line, it’s sudden and almost out of place, like he couldn’t hold back from thinking it anymore. But it could be Shuichi saying it, too. Since it’s outside quotation marks, unlike the previous dream-Shuichi lines, it’s more vague, almost a whisper in Kokichi’s thoughts— like he can barely bring himself to imagine it and even feels guilty doing so, because there’s no way it could possibly be real.

Which do you think?

Eh, I don’t have an answer. When I hear it in my head, they say it at the same time.

“How did you know?” he finally croaks.

Shuichi’s breathing still sounds shaky, too. “Because you said ‘goodbye,’” he says.

Kokichi finally looks up at him in a silent question.

“You never say goodbye,” Shuichi says, rubbing his sleeve over his eyes. “It’s always….”

“‘See you later,’” Kokichi finishes for him. Despite himself, a tiny huff of astonished laughter escapes him. “I didn’t even know, not until a couple of hours ago. And you figured it all out from one word?”

Shuichi bites his lip at that. “You kissed me,” he says.

Kokichi’s stomach twists and he looks away. “I said I was sorry—”

“No.” Shuichi squeezes his hand into a fist and lets it fall to thump against Kokichi’s chest, like he’s trying to knock some sense into him. “It was so honest, and vulnerable, and… and I know how much you hate showing how you really feel.” Another tiny sob catches in his throat. “And so it felt like … like something you’d do if you weren’t going to s-see me again.”

“Shuichi….” Kokichi trails off as Shuichi muffles his cries in his hand again. He’s so breathtakingly smart. There’s no one else in the world who thinks that way, no one else who could possibly be that attentive and that clever. Not a programmer, not a team of shrinks… how can an AI manage it? How is it that Shuichi always manages to take him by surprise? How can he see straight through him when he least expects it?

Kokichi’s hand reaches up to Shuichi’s cheek. Reverently traces the path of the tears falling down it.

“I wish you were real,” he confesses in a whisper.

Kokichi’s stubborn. So, so stubborn. And he’s not used to being cared about, if the way he does everything by himself is any indication. So it makes sense to me that he’ll refuse to believe anything good can happen to him even in the face of convincing evidence. He’s pretty self-hating for someone so arrogant.

Kokichi’s weak, deep down to his core, weak for this man. Already knows he’d do anything for him, and the thought is terrifying—that one person could have that much power over him, even if he doesn’t realize it.

But what if he has realized it? Couldn’t this all be an elaborate ruse, a lie he knew Kokichi would be so desperate to believe that he wouldn’t bother questioning it?

…Shuichi’s never hurt him, though. Only that one time, when he really deserved it. Shuichi wouldn’t … betray him, even for what he thinks is Kokichi’s own good. They’re… different from each other, that way.

But still….

“I’m so scared, Shuichi.” It’s barely a whisper. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“You won’t be.” It’s so hard to be skeptical, lost in his eyes. “I’ll be right there with you, for as long as you want. I won’t let you feel like this anymore.”

Promise me, he wants to blurt out. Promise you’ll stay. Promise me you’ll never leave me, Shuichi, he wants to demand, but that’s wrong, that’s manipulative and selfish and everything he doesn’t want to be for Shuichi anymore.

Shuichi, of course, says it anyway.

“I promise, Kokichi.”

…

“Kiss me again,” he says. “Please?”

Shuichi leans in close, then pauses, his brow furrowing the way it does when he catches him in a lie.

“I’ll kiss you again in the real world,” Shuichi says. “Okay?”

Kokichi shakes his head. “Shuichi, please.” Please, I don’t think I can do this. Please, I don’t want to wake up to a lie. Please, one last kiss for me to remember in case it was all fake.

Shuichi reaches out to tilt his chin up and Kokichi closes his eyes, savoring every second, burning it into his memory.

Shuichi’s soft breath ghosts over his lips.

“Trust me,” he murmurs.

Kokichi’s eyes flutter back open, searching his face. Shifting him around on the white board in his head, seeing what categories he fits into this time. Weird, of course. Suspicious, maybe not. Trustworthy?

Trustworthy….

“I do trust you,” he realizes.

Kokichi’s still hesitant to accept all of this— Shuichi kissing him didn’t magically fix everything. He’ll still doubt all the way to the log-out point, but at least now he realizes that this simulation is only hurting him— that if things are to get better they’re going to have to change, too. He’s got a long way to go before he’s all right, but he’s not going to have to face it alone anymore.

And that’s a wrap!

Once again, I’m really proud of this story, and I feel like I grew as a writer because of it. There are a few things I would change if I wrote it again, but for all its flaws it’s still my baby and I like how it turned out.

Thanks again for all your support for “Hologram,” and thanks even more if you actually waded through all this nonsense of a director’s cut. It’s a huge confidence-boost to think that people liked what I wrote, and even wanted to hear what I had to say about it. If there’s any interest, I’d love to review some of my other fics here, or theorize or brainstorm or whatever else you’re into. (Ask me what Byakuya’s Thing is in my superhero AU, I dare you 😉)

I do have a WIP in my folder of bits and pieces currently titled “boy finally gets that kiss”, and it’s a post-Hologram scene from Shuichi’s point of view to just sorta… tie it all together, have them talk things over again… and kiss, of course. We’ll see if anything comes out of that.

Until next time!

#Rov talks #Hologram #Saiouma #Oumasai #Behind the scenes #Director's cut #Fanfic review

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a-froger-epic · 3 years

Text

The Queen fandom, Freddie Mercury and Characterisation

Or: Why are those anons like this? Why are those writers like this? Why don't we understand each other?

In this essay, I will-

No, I’m serious, I will. And this is an essay. It’s roughly 2500 words.

The friction, concerns and hurt in fandom around Freddie’s characterisation - most recently centred around a fic the author tagged as ‘Bisexual Freddie Mercury’, stating in the notes that they have chosen to write Freddie as bisexual - have given me a lot to think about. And if you have been asking yourself the questions above, this here might be of interest to you.

First off, why do I feel like I need to talk about this?

The answer is not: Because I’m so very influential in fandom.

I think my influence in this fandom has been vastly overstated by some people. If I were so influential, everybody would rush to read anything I rec or write. And trust me, they really don’t. My relevance is confined to a very specific part of the fandom. That part is made up of: Freddie fans, Froger shippers, some Roger fans, a handful of writers who like to support each other and like each other’s work, and people who are really into research.

There are many parts of fandom where my opinions are entirely irrelevant. Looking at the big picture, by which I mean only the Queen RPF fandom, I simply am not that important. Looking at the even bigger picture: the Queen fandom as a whole, the majority of which doesn't read or care about RPF - I am literally nobody.

Furthermore, everything I will be talking about here is in relation to the RPF-centred part of Queen fandom.

So why this public essay?

Because I have been deeply involved for two years in a divide of opinions concerning how Freddie ought to be written and how people think of RPF. I think this is in large part because I - like several other authors currently writing for the fandom - absolutely love research. It's my idea or fun. I love to dig into these real people’s lives. Not everybody does that and not everybody is comfortable with that. It’s a personal choice depending on people's levels of comfort surrounding RPF. But this does put me firmly in the camp of Freddie fans who like to explore who this man really was, and track down every last fact about him.

Freddie Mercury vs. Fictional Freddie

I’ll admit that I am one of those people who have the urge to speak up when they see somebody claim that Freddie was bisexual, and sometimes I will say: “Well, actually, we do know that he didn’t see himself that way, because…” For me, these have often been positive exchanges.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that Freddie Mercury identified as gay from his split with Mary to the end of his life (wonderfully curated here by RushingHeadlong). In the niche of fandom I have frequented over the last two years, as far as Freddie the real man is concerned, I have barely ever seen anybody argue with this.

But fanfiction and talking about real Freddie are not one the same thing, and they shouldn't be, and as far as I am concerned they don't have to be. Some writers like to put every last fact and detail they can find into their fic, in an attempt to approach a characterisation that feels authentic to them (and perhaps others), and other writers are simply content to draw inspiration from the real people, writing versions vaguely based on them.

But writing historically and factually accurate RPF is more respectful.

Is it? I've thought about this for a long time, and I really can't agree that it is. This, to me, seems to presume that we know what kind of fiction these real people would prefer to have been written about them. That, in itself, is impossible to know.

However, if I imagine Freddie reading RPF about himself, I think that he might laugh himself silly at an AU with a character merely inspired by him and may be really quite disturbed by a gritty, realistic take full of intimate details of and speculations about his life and psyche. Such as I also tend to write, just by the by, so this is definitely not a criticism of anybody. Freddie is dead. Of all the people to whom the way he is written in fiction matters, Freddie himself is not one. There is no way to know what Freddie would or wouldn't have wanted, in this regard, and so it isn't relevant.

Personally, I can't get behind the idea that speculating and creatively exploring very intimate details of Freddie's life, things he never even spoke of to anybody, is in any way more respectful than writing versions of him which take a lot of creative liberties. As I've said so many times before, I think either all of RPF is disrespectful or none of it is.

So who cares about Freddie characterisation in fiction anyway?

Clearly, a lot of people do. Freddie Mercury was an incredibly inspiring figure and continues to be that to a multitude of very different people for different reasons. There are older fans who have maybe faced the same kind of discrimination because of their sexuality, who saw Freddie's life and persona distorted and attacked by other fans and the media for decades, who have a lot of hurt and resentment connected to such things as calling Freddie bisexual - because this has been used (and in the wider fandom still is used) to discredit his relationship with Jim, to argue that Mary was the love of his life and none of his same sex relationships mattered, to paint a picture where "the gay lifestyle" was the death of him. And that is homophobic. That is not right. I completely understand that upset.

But.

These are not the only people who care about Freddie and for whom Freddie is a source of inspiration and comfort. What about people who simply connect to his struggles with his sexuality from a different angle? What about, for example, somebody who identifies with the Freddie who seemed to be reluctant to label himself, because that, to them, implies a freedom and sexual fluidity that helps them cope with how they see their own sexuality? Is it relevant why Freddie was cagey about labelling himself? Does it matter that it likely had a lot to do with discrimination? Are his reasons important? To some degree, yes. But are other queer people not allowed to see that which helps them in him? Are they not allowed to take empowerment and inspiration from this? Can you imagine Freddie himself ever resenting somebody who, for whatever reason, admired him and whose life he made that little bit brighter through his mere existence, however they interpreted it? I honestly can't say that I can imagine Freddie himself objecting to that.

This is the thing about fame. Anyone who is famous creates a public persona, and this persona belongs to the fans. By choosing that path, this person gives a lot of themselves to their fans. To interpret, to draw inspiration from, to love the way it makes sense to the individual. Please remember, at this point, that we are talking about how people engage with Freddie as a fictional character creatively. This is not about anybody trying to lay down the law regarding who Freddie really was, unequivocally. This is all about writers using his inspiring persona and the imprint he left on this world to explore themes that resonate with them.

This is what we as writers do. We write about things which resonate with us and often touch us deeply.

But don't they care about the real Freddie?

Yes, actually, I would argue that a lot of people care about "the real Freddie". It seems to me that depicting Freddie as gay or with a strong preference for men is what the vast majority of the RPF-centered fandom on AO3 already does. You will find very, very few stories where Freddie is depicted having a good time with women sexually or romantically. That he was mostly all about men is already the majority opinion in this part of fandom.

But another question is, who was the real Freddie? If the last two years in fandom have taught me anything, it is that even things which seem like fact to one person can seem like speculation to another. I have personally had so many discussions with so many people on different sides of the debate about the exact circumstances of Freddie's life and his inner world, that I must say I don't think there is such a thing as one accurate, "real" portrayal of Freddie. Even those of us who are heavily invested in research sometimes disagree quite significantly about the interpretations of sources. So that narrows "You don't care about the real Freddie" down to "You don't care about Freddie because you don't interpret everything we know about his life the exact same way I do". Sure, by that definition, very few people care about Freddie the same way you do.

The bottom line is, there are so many writers and fans who love him, people who are obsessed with him, people who care about him deeply. They might care about who they believe he really was or who he chose to present himself as to the world, the way he wanted to be seen. But ultimately, in my personal opinion, if somebody is inspired to write Freddie as a fictional character they feel that Freddie means a lot to them. And it is hurtful to accuse them of not caring.

But what some people write hurts/triggers me.

Yes, that can happen. Because the nature of AO3 is that everything is permitted. Personally, I am very much in agreement with that. You will also find me in the camp of people who are against any sort of censorship on AO3, no matter how much some of the content goes against my own morals or how distasteful I find it. Some people disagree with that, which is fine. We must agree to disagree then. Here, I would like to quote QuirkySubject from the post she made regarding this whole situation because I cannot put it better myself: “The principle that all fic is valid (even RPF fic that subverts the lived experience of the person the fic is based on) is like the foundation of [AO3]. The suggestion that certain kinds of characterisations aren't allowed will provoke a knee-jerk reaction by many writers.”

No matter how much you may disagree with a story's plot or characterisation, it is allowed on AO3. "But wait," you might say, "the issue is not with it being on the site but with people like yourself - who should care about "the real Freddie" - supporting it."

This is some of what I have taken away from the upset I have seen. And it’s worth deconstructing.

I've already addressed "the real Freddie". Moving on to...

The author is dead.

This is something others might very well disagree on as well, but to me the story itself matters far more than authorial intent. And what may be one thing according to the author’s personal definition, may be another thing to the reader. Let’s use an example. This is an ask I received yesterday:

This author thinks they were writing Freddie as bisexual. However, going by the plot of their story, I would actually say that it is largely very similar to how I see the progression of Freddie’s young adulthood. To me, personally, Freddie would still be gay throughout the story because he arrives - eventually - at the conclusion that he is. The author and I disagree on terminology only. And I think simply disagreements about terminology, given that some terms are so loaded with history in Freddie’s case, trips a lot of people up.

It seems to me that many people still equate bisexuality with a 50/50 attraction to men and women, when in actual fact many - if not most - bi/pan people would say that it is nowhere near that distribution. Some people are of the opinion that anybody who experiences some attraction to the opposite sex, even if they have a strong same-sex preference, could be technically considered bisexual. (However, sexuality isn’t objective, it’s subjective. At least when it comes to real people. What about fictionalised real people? We will get to that.)

Let's briefly return to real Freddie.

What I'm seeing is that there are several ways of thinking here, with regard to his sexuality.

1. Freddie was gay because that seems to be (from everything we know) the conclusion he arrived at and the way he saw himself, once he had stopped dating women. Therefor, he was always gay, it just took him a while to come to terms with it.

2. Freddie can be referred to as bisexual during the time when he was with women because at that time, he may very well have thought of himself thusly - whether that was wishful thinking and he was aware of it or whether he really thought he might be bisexual is not something we can say definitively. He came out as gay to two friends in 1974 on separate occassions, and he talked to his girlfriends about being bisexual. (Personally, I think here it is interesting to look at who exactly he was saying what to, but let's put my own interpretations aside.)

3. Freddie can be seen as bisexual/pansexual because his life indicates that he was able to be in relationships with both men and women and because there is nothing to disprove he didn't experience any attraction to the women he was with. Had he lived in a different time, he may have defined himself differently.

Now, I'm of the first school of thought here, personally, although I understand the second and also, as a thought experiment, the third.

I think all of these approaches have validity, although the historical context of Freddie's life should be kept in mind and is very relevant whenever we speak about the man himself.

But when we return to writing fictionalised versions of Freddie, any of these approaches should absolutely be permissible. Yes, some of them or aspects of them can cause upset to some people.

And this is why AO3 has a tagging system. This is why authors write very clearly worded author's notes. This is the respect authors extend to their readers. This, in turn, has to be respected. Everybody is ultimately responsible for their own experience on the archive.

Nobody has the right to dictate what is or isn't published under the Queen tag. As far as I am concerned, nobody should have that right. As far as I am concerned, everybody has a responsibility to avoid whatever may upset them. I understand where the upset comes from. I also maintain it is every writer's right to engage with Freddie's character creatively the way they choose to.

None of us can control how other people engage with Freddie or the fandom. None of us can control what other people enjoy or dislike about the fandom.

The best way to engage with the content creating part of fandom, in my opinion, has always been to create what brings you joy, to consume the content that brings you joy and to respectfully step away from everything that doesn't.

#Queen fandom #Freddie Mercury #bi Freddie

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sprawa-przybyszewskiej · 3 years

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I cannot claim to know about this play more than some others (Ewa Graczyk, Jagoda Hernik-Spalińska, Kazimiera Ingdahl and Maria Janion, in alphabetical order, are the official Horsewomen of the Apocalypse in this topic), with a lot to bring to the table, and so I will sometimes discuss parts of it which are - at the very least at the first glance - absolutely and doubtlessly simple; but by discussing them I hope to be able to bring into the discussion some new material, new evidence, perhaps - for the contrary of the popular belief.

I remember when I first read the scene between Danton and Robespierre, I was completely mystified, just as Maxime. To somebody who at that point knew nothing about the historical events, the exchange between them was very logical (and everyone knows how hard it is to obtain, especially in a piece of media where the author blatantly favours one of the characters over another). I am very glad then, to be able to say that while Przybyszewska did everything she could to humiliate and belittle Danton in the more visual aspects of the scene - his gestures, movements, actions, mimicry, even the sound of his voice etc. - she didn't bother making him out to be a complete clown. His arguments are populistic, but that's not necessarily a bad thing when you're n politician aspiring to be even more than that. Perhaps she thought that painting him out to be a weakling would somehow diminish Robespierre's awesomeness, which is a valid concern. For Robepsierre has little left to do in this scene - it is made out to ba a confrontation between them, of sorts, but is it one, really? I don't think so, not for the large part of it. Robespierre comes in, dishes out few sarcastic lines, looks at Danton with disgust and contempt and then crushes him in a yet another sarcastic line and then leaves. There isn't that much he can do not only to participate in the exchange, but to be visually and audially appealing to the audience as a character in a play. And even though we all know staging The Danton Case is a secondary affair, the main thing you can do with it is to read it and ponder over it, when you do stage it, a lot of responsibility rests on the actors recreating the part. Which is why choosing a good actor can, potentially, make all the difference, sometimes going as far as completely changing the way you view the very same scene you read earlier.

I have always assumed by "the same man" they meant Robespierre. It makes some sense in the light of the conversation, altough I have to admit it makes little sense in the light of Robespierre's reaction. The question thus presented to us is: do we go by what is written, do we percieve a play as a piece of fiction in a real world, OR do we immerse ourselves in the fictional world, suspend our disbelief and for a moment treat it as an alternate reality of sorts?

Polish director Jan Klata has managed to put on stage a compelling retelling of The Danton Case and I would like to present to you a scene from his version, which we're lucky enough to have on YT, with translation courtesy of @that-one-revolutionary. I've seen the play in its entirety: some metaphors were heavy-handed to say the least, some aspects I wish he'd done differently, but all in all, when choosing the main protagonist, the director casted in the role a truly splendid actor (please note that Marcin Czarnik was young. Young! It made all of the difference and it's worth watching if only for that), who brought home some of the points of character of Robespierre's which could have easily been brushed aside in order to highlight some other aspects of the conversation (the most famous example of this would be the very same scene from Wajda's movie, where the appealing and in all aspects imposing Gerard Depardieu dominantes the scene, thus presentign it in a very different ligt). While it can be read as a political statement, or a match of two great personalities, or a display of cunning on either part, Klata (or Czarnik; it's hard for me to say what the director tried to do with it, a lot of Robespierre's quirks, mimicry, gestures etc. seemed to come directly from the actor, which I can only say because I've seen him in other things and that's sort of his style of acting; all in all, I'll try to treat this not as a discussion over this particular staging, because for that I lack needed data, but it's unavoidable in the long run at least at some points, so please bear that in mind) treats the conversation itself as a minor thing in comparision to what is going on in Maxime's mind at the moment. Just look at this: there is no significance brought into their meeting, no change of the scenery, nothing indicates this meeting is special in any way. The logical conclusion is, then: it's not special. Both Danton and Robespierre seem to treat this as a step which cannot be avoided, but which bears no great weight either. The only reason they agreed to make this step altogether is - for "the same man". For Camille.

I do think Przybyszewska's intention was actually to disguise Maxime under this vague title. If this is a play about love - as I will always state it is - she wanted to underline the fact some people will be hatefully loved by those who are beneath them, who have nothing whatsoever in common with the object of their affection simply because the loved one is so great, so genius, so shining and bright it is impossible not to love them. I think this is the relationship between Danton and Robespierre (that is, on Danton's part) up until this point in the play. Danton idolizes Robespierre against his will (against both of their wills, really), because Robespierre is truly made out to be a demi-god at the very least. If you could team up with a hero like this, you should. So Danton goes through a humiliating process of trying to reconcile with Maxime, because humiliation, if everything paid off in the end, would be worth it. That Robespierre doesn't reciprocate the affection is simply a further proof that he is above Danton in every way.

Klata-Czarnik duo seems to have gone into another, subtler direction though. The man that both politicians make an exception for seems to be Camille, moreso because Robespierre loves him than because Danton has any special feelings for him. What is his relationship with Camille, anyway? They are cordial enough, but always a bit on the edge, and we know that Danton doesn't know everything that Camille thinks and feels in regards to Robespierre, mostly because he doesn't care that much, but also because he is characterised as a brute, and this simply goes above his head, it's too subtle, too delicate of a feeling for him to know it. It is also clear he knows Camille pretty well, but he doesn't know his soul, so to say. Therefore, he cannot actually love him, not to the point to make him the one and only excpetion from his otherwise coldly and precisley calculated plans.

Is there, however, a scenario in which Camille could be Danton's exception? Yes, when it becomes more about Robepierre than about Camille. When Camille is sort of offered as a mean to lure Robepierre in. Danton could make this exception only if it meant getting what he wanted (which is later mirrored by his blatant admission that the only reason he lets Camille take the fall with him is to deny Robespierre any joy in life after this point).

Robespierre, however, doesn't see it this way. He actually makes the exception for Camille and I think Danton's words – whatever he means by them, whichever interpretation we think is correct – put him on alert, for the fear of having his secret discovered. In the video linked above it is even more than that – once Robespierre hears Danton indirectly name "the same man", he gets aggressively defensive. For him to have someone like Danton talk almost openly about what he treats as his personal secret (a secret that Danton, being in great familiarity with Camille, could potentially know for certain) is equal with defiling it. I have violated your secret. Do you know what he says in the original? I have raped your secret. It really brings into the focus how much “the secret” needs to be protected, and how much it will hurt Maxime once it’s uncovered and destroyed.This is what he fears pretty much for the entirety of the conversation, his suspiscion somewhat confirmed when Danton says: No catchphrases, Robespierre. I know you.

As I mentioned earlier, the shift in my reading of the scene was prompted by the video. It is worth observing what exactly does Robespierre do when mentioing Camille by surname – he gets visibly more upset, he ponders for a split second for the best way to talk about him. His choice of words is interesting as well:

Both translations here are poor and I quite like what that-one-revolutionary did with it. "Katarynka" is a music-box, so "an instrument" fits much better (not to mention the obvious English connection to the phrase "play like a fiddle", which is adequate here). A parrots is after all a living being, something with a will of its own, if steered by more powerful handlers. But admitting that Camille, from his own free will decided to go against Maxime and everything that Maxime believes in is much harder for Robespierre than calling him an inanimate object, which can be unwittingly used by people with their own agenda. That leaves Camille almost blameless, perhaps careless and foolish, but not responsible fo anything that has transpired.Calling him names serves another purpose as well, which is to steer away the suspiscion that Robespierre protects Camille becuase he cares about him in a special way. He knows there are Danton's accomplices turning ears by the door, so he doesn't want to give himself away with his care and concern.

Ultimately, what do you believe, whom do you think they were referring to I think says a lot about what you think about Maxime's state of mind at the time. Danton's too, though, it can be used as a litmus test whater or not you believe he was honest in idolising Robespierre and offering him his adoration and obedience. In some stagings it will be presented as true, in some as a lie, and that's the beauty of adapting a piece of literature, there are so many options, all blooming from the same roots.

#sprawa dantona #the danton case #L'Affaire Danton #stanisława przybyszewska #stanislawa przybyszewska #maximilien robespierre #maksymilian robespierre #kamil desmoulins #camille desmoulins #georges danton #jerzy danton

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theunconcernedembalmer · 3 years

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ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder.

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

#unconcerned ramblings #mun rambles #its me the mun #im so sorry i talk so much. i was like Okay i should stop talking on my blog now. n then i didnt #i dont even know if this makes sense im still sleep deprived n tired as hell but i literally cant sleep cos this was bothering me so much #also cos i see a lot of ppl like. just nope the letter n somehow began to hate aesop after loving him as a character for so long. which is #interesting. cos this letter isnt exactly out of the blue. we been knew #just a few minor things that i disagree with. but generally i think it was an okay letter

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akitsune-lune · 4 years

Text

a lukewarm defence of Blossomfall

or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the IvyBlossom

Hi there. Do you have a minute to talk about Blossomfall?

My goal here

Analyse Blossomfall’s behaviour in OOTS. Clear up misconceptions and aim to change people’s minds regarding the relationship between Millie, Briar, n Blossom, as well as making a case for IvyBlossom not in fact being A Toxic Evil Ship Propagated by Abuse Apologists. This is going to be an extremely long post and hopefully THE Blossomfall Defence Post. Fly, my pretties, share it around, this took so long.

1: The Text

let’s go over everything single thing Blossomfall has done in OOTS so that there’s no way for us to be in disagreement over what she’s done. It’s gonna take a while. This will be everything vaguely important to Blossomfall’s character, but not including shit like characters noticing Blossompaw sitting with her mentor or whatever. You are free to ctrl-f “Blossom” your way through all of OOTS to see if I’m cherry picking passages for my clever scheme to make everyone think about Blossomfall. (spoilers, I’m not)

Fourth Apprentice:

Literally nothing of note. Just filling in random background bits.

Fading Echoes:

P.68 This is pretty much our first look at Blossomfall. She squabbles with her littermates and maybe has a crush on Toadstep.

P.128 next is our first interaction between Ivypaw and Blossompaw. Ivypaw thinks Dovepaw is getting special treatment, and Blossompaw disagrees.

P.149 And a first interaction between Millie and Blossompaw. Blossompaw jumps onto the Great Oak and hurts herself, then Millie fusses over her. This is a pretty good set-up for showing Millie to be a bit of an overbearing mother and no spoilers, but if Millie’s attention suddenly vanished, you could imagine that would leave Blossompaw off-kilter.

P.174 Now we have an antagonistic interaction between Ivypaw and Blossompaw; Blossompaw is rude and thoughtless and it plays directly to Ivypaw’s deepest insecurities. Throughout the assessment, Blossompaw treats her like she’s useless.

P.235 A quick acknowledgement of Briarlight’s siblings cheering for her

P.248 another moment of sisterly affection between them

P.258 The first mention of Thornclaw in relation to Blossomfall. I’ve heard it cited as evidence of Thorn/Blossom set-up, which... seems like a stretch, but maybe.

P.361 And to round out Fading Echoes we get Ivypaw and Blossomfall working together in battle, and Blossomfall being appreciative of Ivypaw’s abilities.

Night Whispers:

P.33 The very first moment of Blossomfall in Night Whispers is an in-text, explicit acknowledgement that Blossomfall and Ivypaw have put their previous quarrels to rest. After that, (P.111) we get a quick moment of Ivypaw and Blossomfall talking like chill Clanmates, which might further support that their previous animosity is gone.

P.114 We get another instance of Blossomfall complimenting Ivypaw, then an exchange which leads Ivypaw to think No wonder Hawkfrost doesn’t visit [Blossomfall’s] dreams.

P.143 After that, we hear Millie bemoaning how her daughter’s life is meaningless now, followed by

P.143 Which would imply that Bumblestripe and Blossomfall would take issue with how Millie talks about Briarlight and her life.

P.327 another moment of Blossomfall showing concern for her littermates, and that rounds off book 3 of OOTS.

Sign of the Moon:

P.178 Blossomfall is now training in the Dark Forest and Ivypool is very upset by it, later thinking ThunderClan cats are loyal.

P.179-180 In Blossomfall’s first training exercise in the Dark Forest, Ivypool interferes and risks punishment to save Blossomfall from injury.

P.181 Blossomfall is ungrateful, but Ivypool doesn’t really react to her remark.

Next, Ivypool wants to speak with Blossomfall about her training in the Dark Forest. Before she has the chance, however, Blossomfall’s old mentor Hazeltail notices that Blossomfall is injured and tries to draw Millie’s attention to it.

P.273 This is our first hint that Millie has something to do with Blossomfall’s training in the Dark Forest. I’d like to point out that it’s Millie ignoring her and not Briarlight that provokes the anger from Blossomfall.

P.276 Twofold - First, Blossomfall doesn’t jump to Thornclaw’s defence when Ivypool calls him bossy, rather she agrees. Blossomfall also rebuffs Ivypool’s efforts to check on her.

P.277 Next, we have Ivypool pushing further, and Blossomfall seems edgy. Ivypool expresses more concern in her head and is scared for Blossomfall.

Now we have the big scene. Ivypool and Blossomfall go exploring in the tunnels and Blossomfall’s character finally gets her moment.

P.279 Blossomfall makes a remark about losing the use of her legs, which could be interpreted multiple ways, a dark joke about what happened to Briarlight, jealousy over the attention that her sister’s condition has resulted in, etc

P.312-313 Now we cut to the heart of the matter. Blossomfall doesn’t even know if Millie loves her anymore.

P.313 “I hate myself for feeling jealous of Briarlight. I can’t help what I feel, and that proves I’m not a good cat.” Because of jealousy and attention-seeking urges, Blossomfall has decided that she’s a bad person and deserves to go to the Dark Forest.

P.313-314

P.323 Then they get back to camp after having been missing for several hours and after Blossomfall has been injured, and Millie lectures her.

P.323 and then there’s the nail in the coffin. I’d also like to draw attention to the fact that Blossomfall doesn’t lash out. She just accepts Millie’s lack of concern for her and her lecturing, while relying on the Dark Forest for validation. She especially is never shown to lash out at Briarlight. That’s the end of Sign of the Moon.

The Forgotten Warrior:

P.247 In book 5, Blossomfall is shown to be again antagonistic, though this time toward Dovewing, and very protective of her littermates, in a negative light this time. This is pretty much the only moment of note for Blossomfall in the whole book.

The Last Hope:

P.67 Now we get the magnum opus of Blossomfall and Thornclaw being chummy and Lionblaze misinterpreting this as meaning they’re going to end up as mates, then realizing it’s actually because they’re training in the Dark Forest together. This is the third time Blossomfall and Thornclaw have been mentioned in the same sentence, and the first time they’ve ever interacted with each other. It’s the first time where they’ve been explicitly friendly; the first BlossomThorn moment was a mention of Thornclaw’s mannerisms rubbing off on Blossomfall and the second was Blossomfall indirectly calling Thornclaw bossy. This is why I say with relative confidence, BlossomThorn in AVoS was not planned in OOTS. Our ‘evidence’ is

Blossomfall thinks he’s bossy

Blossomfall imitated him once

They’re friends because they trained in the Dark Forest together

She has a similar number of moments with Mousewhisker and Toadstep, but I haven’t included them other than the very first moment with Blossomfall because those aren’t the ships that end up canonized. Even with Toadstep, Bumblepaw explicitly says that she’s mooning over him, which is far more indication of future romance than BlossomThorn gets.

ADDITIONALLY in the reprinted version of The Last Hope...

He’s replaced with Mousewhisker! Which knocks BlossomThorn mentions in canon down to just two, only one of which is at least neutral, and they never even interact before she’s nursing his kits! *screm* Erins WHY?

and uh... that’s actually about it for Blossomfall’s moments in Last Hope. She’s lumped in with Mousewhisker, Birchfall, etc with Ivypool and ThunderClan trying to track them down and make sure they don’t fight for the DF, etc, and then she doesn’t, n book ends.

Alright let’s analyse some data.

2: The relationship between Ivy/Blossom

It's toxic and unneeded- just because it's not heterosexual it doesn't mean it's healthy. Blossomfall bullied Ivypool for almost the entire first half of OotS, and just because she supported Ivy once it doesn't mean that they're friends. It means they've moved on and forgiven each other.

Forum post on January 14th, 2019

Alright, I’ve heard some crazy shit about BlossomIvy and I’m here to tell you, forget it. You don’t have to ship them, but if you’re gonna call them toxic, I’m gonna call you full of shit.

Ivypaw and Blossompaw’s first big conflict is during Blossompaw’s assessment, at which point she calls Ivypaw a bad hunter and Ivypaw gets upset. Now pay close attention, folks! This is the only time Blossompaw and Ivypaw argue before Blossomfall starts training in the Dark Forest. After this, once Ivypaw has been training in the Dark Forest, Blossomfall compliments her on her skills and the text explicitly suggests that now Ivypaw and Blossomfall have ‘put their quarrels behind them.’ After that, once Blossomfall begins training in the Dark Forest, Ivypool intervenes on her behalf to save her from injury and is called out by Brokenstar. Blossomfall is ungrateful, but Ivypool shows no regret for helping her.

Then we get the big moment between them in the tunnels. Blossomfall, after being injured, asks Ivypool if she thinks Millie will miss her. Ivypool realizes why Blossomfall is training in the Dark Forest, and Blossomfall confesses that she knows that the Dark Forest is bad news but feels that she deserves to go there because she’s a bad person (cat?).

Something I want to pay special mention to is the fact that Blossomfall is confessing all of this to Ivypool rather than any other main character, because they understand each other. Whether or not you like the ship, it is an undeniable fact that Blossomfall and Ivypool have a great deal of common ground.

They were both taken advantage of by the Dark Forest because of their jealousy over their sisters, they both know that the Dark Forest is up to no good but don’t leave it, and they both acknowledge in no uncertain terms that they’re jealous of cats that would also want something that they themselves have--in Blossomfall’s case, her able body, and in Ivypool’s, her lack of super-powers and involvement in the prophecy. Blossomfall and Ivypool can relate to and understand each other on a level that they cannot their other Clanmates.

Blossompaw and Ivypaw have a moment of animosity in Night Whispers, when Blossompaw says Ivypaw is a bad hunter and that she’d prefer Dovepaw, and Ivypaw is very upset. Then later, again, we get an in-text acknowledgement from another character that Blossomfall and Ivypaw have put their quarrels behind them. After Blossomfall’s assessment, she and Ivypaw only have friendly or neutral interactions. The next time they argue is when Blossomfall joins the Dark Forest, is out of her depth, and Ivypool intervenes to save her. Blossomfall argues that she can take care of herself and Ivypool thinks she’s full of it, but doesn’t push the point.

Then later, they have a bit of an antagonistic interaction where Ivypool is scared that Blossomfall is making the wrong choice by training in the Dark Forest and wants to help her, while Blossomfall rejects her help.

And then of course, the big scene. Blossomfall admits her deepest fear, that Millie no longer loves her, to Ivypool, and Ivypool immediately understands, thinking of her own jealousy of Dovewing.

That’s pretty much a summary of the evolution of the BlossomIvy relationship. For all you visual learners, here’s a handy chart

It’s hardly scientific, but arguing that Blossomfall and Ivypool don’t move from antagonistic to emotionally vulnerable with each other would be a hard stance to take given the sharp difference between the argument during the assessment and the conversation in the tunnels. Even when Blossomfall is telling Ivypool that she can take care of herself after Ivypool saves her from Ratscar, it doesn’t necessitate an interpretation of them as hostile--it can be read as either “I don’t want your help” OR “I can take care of myself” the latter of which invites a lot of classic romance tropes.

If you don’t read their relationship as potentially romantic, they still go from not understanding each other to understanding each other the best out of any other cat in their Clan. That’s a pretty significant development (especially for Warriors oof) so even if you still think Blossomfall is a brat or spoiled or emotionally stunted because of her jealousy of Briarlight, the text shows that Ivypool and Blossomfall at least have the potential to be extremely close friends and confidantes.

And if you DO read their relationship as potentially romantic, first of all welcome to the club, here’s your club-sanctioned hat and waterbottle with an engraved picture of em, and second of all, it’s really not a stretch. Again, they have a great deal of common ground. Blossomfall tells Ivypool her deepest insecurity and Ivypool understands. She doesn’t lecture Blossomfall and disagrees when Blossomfall says that she’s a bad cat. Despite not having a whole lot to go on, what we do have 100% shows them trusting and understanding each other.

Overall, what I want to argue is that THE BlossomIvy argument in Night Whispers is absolutely not enough to write them off as toxic; in fact, it later shows how much their relationship has developed. Additionally, it’s not just some random ship where we picked two she-cats out of a hat and then made a bunch of fan art; they have a legit connection, whether or not you think they have chemistry or are a better ship than say, FernIvy. They are in similar enough situations that they’re able to sympathize with each other more than Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Bumblestripe, Toadstep (?) or any other important cat in their lives can. That’s a helluva lot more to go off of than just “they trained in the Dark Forest together” or “they’re friendly sometimes” like we have for other major ships for the two of them. (Let me also explictly say that I’m not trying to argue that BlossomIvy is more canon than BlossomThorn and FernIvy, because no shit--the latter two have kits and are canonically mates. I’m just arguing over what makes most sense and who would work best as a pair)

3: Blossomfall’s family

Here’s the other major point of Blossomfall’s character; her relationship with her sister and her mother. Let’s answer a few questions. Is Millie actually ignoring Blossomfall or is Blossomfall being unreasonable? Does it matter if Millie is neglecting Blossomfall and should Blossomfall be self-sufficient as an adult? How does Blossomfall’s jealousy of Briarlight affect Briarlight herself, and what is Blossomfall’s relationship with her littermates? How does Blossomfall react to Millie’s perceived neglect?

And we’ll knock em off one by one:

Q: Is Millie actually neglecting Blossomfall or is Blossomfall being unreasonable?

A: This isn’t an easy question to answer. There are arguments to be made on both sides; Blossomfall is a young adult by the time Briarlight is injured (around 18 if you use my AU lol) and therefore probably shouldn’t require her mother’s constant attention. On the other hand, Millie is shown to be very attentive to her children and very concerned when they’re hurt or potentially going to be hurt (149, Fading Echoes). After Briarlight becomes disabled, Millie’s concern for Blossomfall vanishes. Blossomfall is injured training in the Dark Forest (and let me point out that Blossomfall is not the one who seeks out her mother’s attention; Hazeltail does it on her behalf) and Millie doesn’t care. (273, Sign of the Moon) Later in Sign of the Moon, Blossomfall has hit her head pretty hard and turns up after hours of being missing and Millie’s reaction is to chastise her for not hunting on Briarlight’s behalf. It’s sharply contrasted in-text with how Whitewing reacts to Ivypool, who hasn’t even been hurt. (323, Sign of the Moon) This is a pretty definitive display of how Millie does not care about her other daughter’s well-being anymore. If you’re thinking, “Well, Blossomfall was being irresponsible by running off into the tunnels, so she’s not innocent here” I agree, however let me employ my good friend Extremely Detailed Metaphor to explain why Millie isn’t either.

Let’s put this in terms of a human situation; a high school AU, if you will. I’ll paint a picture; it’s mid-winter, Sunday night. Blossomfall, her mother, and her sister Briarlight, live on a block where everyone is expected to shovel the snow in front of their house. Briarlight and Blossomfall get to school by walking to the bus stop at the end of the street. Millie tells Blossomfall to shovel the snow outside of their house that night so that Briarlight will be able to get to school on Monday in her wheelchair.

Instead, Blossomfall goes to a party, gets drunk, tries to drive herself home, gets into a car accident, and gets a concussion. Millie arrives at the hospital and, without making sure Blossomfall is okay, goes off at Blossomfall, telling her that she should have shovelled the entire block instead of going out to party.

Now, we’re once again in a situation where Blossomfall has been irresponsible, Millie is putting unreasonable expectations on her other daughter out of pity for Briarlight, and Millie is unconcerned about Blossomfall’s well-being. Unquestionably, Blossomfall did the wrong thing by going to a party/exploring the tunnels. BUT. That does not excuse Millie’s reaction. Millie is justified in being upset that Blossomfall is shirking her responsibilities, but not even bothering to find out how seriously she’s been injured is appalling behaviour from a previously-attentive mother. And you don’t need to take my word for it; from Whitewing and Brackenfur’s reactions, it’s obvious that no one thinks Millie is behaving in an acceptable fashion. She blatantly disregards Blossomfall’s well-being.

Seriously, I know it’s a pretty dire accusation, but with both examples of Blossomfall being injured post-Briarlight-injury and Millie either ignoring her or lecturing her, I don’t really know what other conclusion can be drawn. And let’s not villanize Millie utterly; Graystripe gets absolutely no mention in any instance despite being their father, so ??? what’s up with him. Overall, though, Blossomfall is not making up shit. There is literally no example post-Briarlight-injury of Millie showing concern for Blossomfall, only ever ignoring or admonishing her.

Q: Does it matter if Millie is neglecting Blossomfall and should Blossomfall be self-sufficient as an adult?

A: Again, not an easy question to answer. This is highly subjective, but if an adult’s mother suddenly lost all concern for their well-being, I’d argue that would be pretty damn destructive to that adult’s self-esteem. When you turn 18 or become a warrior, you don’t magically become self-sufficient and totally independent from your family, no matter what Warriors wants to tell you lmao. Those relationships are still very important, particularly for Blossomfall since as I’ll argue later, one of the most consistent points of her character is that she is extremely family-oriented. To go from her mother fussing over her and always being concerned for her health to her mother giving less than a shit about her when she gets lost and injured... I don’t care if she’s technically an adult. It’s not about her being attention-seeking or childish, it’s about her being completely cut off from one of the main relationships in her support system for no fault of her own. It does matter if Millie no longer cares about her daughter, whether or not the daughter in question is 16 or 18, an apprentice or a warrior. Blossomfall has lost an important relationship in her life, and it does a big hit to her self-esteem.

Q: How does Blossomfall’s jealousy of Briarlight affect Briarlight herself, and what is Blossomfall’s relationship with her littermates?

A: Oh good, an easy one at last. First, Blossomfall doesn’t blame Briarlight. She blames Millie. Second, Blossomfall is only ever shown to be loving and caring toward her sister. Third, (again) the most consistent thing about Blossomfall is that she puts her family first. The first two points can be supported in tandem; if Blossomfall truly blamed Briarlight for Millie’s disregard of Blossom, then why are all her interactions with her sister warm and loving? Very unfortunately, we don’t have many interactions between Briar and Blossom of any kind post-Briar-injury, but Blossomfall and her brother are the first to cheer for her at Briarlight’s ceremony (235, Fading Echoes) and Blossomfall eagerly brings fresh-kill to share with Briarlight (248, Fading Echoes). Later, Dovewing and Poppyfrost overhear one of Millie’s little monologues about how Briarlight’s life is ruined and Poppyfrost remarks that it’s a good thing Bumblestripe and Blossomfall didn’t overhear her. Draw your own conclusions, but to my understanding, this is a pretty plain demonstration that “Millie thinks Briarlight’s life is ruined and Bumblestripe and Blossomfall vehemently disagree, to the point at which they would start a big argument with their mother over that point” is common knowledge in ThunderClan. (143, Night Whispers)

Time and time again, Blossomfall loves and supports her sister. There’s no instance of Blossomfall putting the blame of Millie’s behaviour on Briarlight, only on Millie herself. In the big moment in the tunnel, Blossomfall doesn’t say “Do you think Briarlight would happy if I died and she got all Millie’s attention to herself?” she says “Do you think Millie would miss me?” followed by “I can’t bear seeing [Briarlight] suffer.” (312-313, Sign of the Moon) It’s not about Briarlight. She loves her sister and at the same time, cannot help being jealous of her, because it’s about Millie’s attention.

Finally, Blossomfall’s family is incredibly important to her. She and her littermates are continuously used for Dovepaw to angst about how she and Ivypaw are no longer close. For example, we get Blossomfall fretting over both of her siblings (327, Night Whispers), then Blossomfall being petty and upset because Bumblestripe chose to train with Dovewing instead of her and Bumblestripe dismissed her as being ridiculous (247, Forgotten Warrior). I’m not saying Blossomfall was in the right, there, but it does show Blossomfall’s devotion to her family and her expectation that her littermates do the same. There are also all of the above examples of them cheering at Briarlight’s ceremony, Blossomfall bringing fresh-kill to share with Briarlight, and the implication that Blossomfall and Bumblestripe would object to the way that Millie talks about Briarlight.

Q: How does Blossomfall react to Millie’s perceived neglect?

A: Another fairly easy one. Blossomfall puts on a front of not caring. When Millie admonishes her for daring to get lost and hurt, Blossomfall doesn’t lash out at her mother, much less Briarlight. She never fights back, she doesn’t tell her mother that she’s being callous and neglectful, she accepts it silently and then tells Ivypool, verbatim, “Whatever. This is just the way that it is now.” She rolls over and accepts it, as much as it hurts her, and the Dark Forest takes advantage of that unresolved pain. (323, Sign of the Moon)

Even earlier in Sign of the Moon, when Blossomfall has just begun training in the Dark Forest (suggesting she has been ignored by Millie long enough that the Dark Forest has been able to draw her in) she wakes up injured and Hazeltail notices. Blossomfall brushes it off, which I would infer is because she’s adjusted to her pain and injury being ignored but you can read as an isolated incident if you really want to, but Hazeltail insists on bringing Millie’s attention to it. Millie dismisses it and Blossomfall is angry, but silent, which again, I would infer is because that’s what Blossomfall expected from Millie and is hurt to have her expectation confirmed (273, Sign of the Moon). This can’t be read as an isolated incident, because Blossomfall is already training in the Dark Forest, therefore Millie has been ignoring her for a while now.

4: Is Blossomfall a bad person?

In conclusion, no.

Blossomfall is upset when her mother stops caring about her well-being and believes that she deserves to go to the Dark Forest because of her jealousy over her sister (313, Sign of the Moon). I’m not saying that her self-hatred means she’s a good person, but it’s obvious that she wouldn’t choose jealousy if she had the option to not feel this way.

Critically, what I want people to take away from this, is that Blossomfall, like all of us, doesn’t have complete control over how she feels. She cannot choose to wake up and simply not be jealous of her sister and be fine with her mother’s indifference to her well-being. She believes that feeling this way makes her a bad person and would, of course, change if she could. The only thing that is within Blossomfall’s control is how she reacts to her jealousy and hurt. And the way that she reacts is by taking it out on herself, by training in the Dark Forest, and by mentally beating herself up for feelings outside of her control. There is not a single example of her lashing out at Millie, or god forbid her sister Briarlight. She is silent in the face of Millie’s bad treatment of her and supportive and loving of Briarlight. Self-hatred is of course, not a virtue, but our society prefers it to harming others.

That’s why I can say with confidence: Blossomfall is a good person, if prone to occasional self-hatred, pettiness, and thoughtlessness. Those are not flaws that make someone evil, just normal and struggling. She is not perfect and completely loveable, but she is not toxic, or spoiled, or unreasonable. She’s just a person who has been hurt by others’ behaviour and punishes herself for things outside of her control. She loves her family, tries to take care of herself, and doesn’t always perform perfectly.

Thanks for reading. I hope you’re at least thinking a little more about previously formed opinions on Blossomfall and that we all continue to read critically in the future.

End note: So why did I call this a lukewarm defence, anyway? Other than making reference to one of my favourite video essayists, Blossomfall is a complex cat often misunderstood by the fandom, but she’s also a shithead. Post-OOTS, she’s pretty unequivocally a kitty-racist. But she’s also Thornclaw’s wife, so it’s not like that’s the only way her character gets yanked out of its previous characterization for the convenience of the plot. Consider this a defence of Blossomfall in Omen of the Stars by a person who would rather pretend she died just after it and A Vision of Shadows (and later books) has another character in her place. I’m not interested in debating Blossomfall’s behaviour post-OOTS. She’s bad, whatever, but don’t smear the good name of her character development in OOTS.

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musashi · 3 years

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sending u this ask as an opportunity for u to talk to me abt fi!! i love ur thoughts n words on things nd i don't send asks as much bc i don't have. good words to talk to u abt stuff but i rlly enjoy just. ur Passion nd stuff. autistic people r the best at talking abt stuff i stand by that we r just Epic. anyways if u wanna, i'd love to hear more about just... how fi sorta. changes, over the game? like the Little Things that show her starting 2 care abt link more, or becoming more "human"!

i love this whole ask. you’re right autistic folks r sexy as hell idk how the divine powers that be fit so much passion into my tiny body but i’m glad they made the attempt.

ANYWAYS FI. i don’t think i’ve ever actually laid this out because for the most part it is incredibly subtle and requires a lot of filling in gaps yourself, and i think that someone who cares less abt her can probably come away from it with an entirely different interpretation. fi’s development of actual feelings are a very sudden a mysterious thing, and i have a LOT of thoughts about them going in a lot of different directions so forgive me if this answer isn’t particularly linear or coherent. i’m not just gonna talk about her slow burn into feeling things, i’m also gonna talk about... why i think it happens.

we don’t get to learn a lot about sword spirits and how they come into being, other than it takes great power to enchant a sword with a spirit/temper a sword with one inside it. hylia obviously created fi and, presumably, demise created ghirahim, and they are pretty much as opposite as two people can be with their only real characteristic in common being precision, intelligence & otherworldly loyalty to their respective masters.

we thus don’t get to learn how much control the creator of a sword spirit has over what kind of spirit comes of it, if their personalities are organic to their experiences or crafted from the moment they awaken. what i mean by this is like... ghirahim could have been a cold, calculating AI like fi when he was first tempered and gained his dramatics over time, we have no idea how long he’s been alive in comparison to her, if his personality is so much more extroverted because he was allowed a life outside his blade whereas fi was isolated in hers for millennia. or if he just came into creation immediately ready to scream and stick his tongue in ppl’s ears.

i swear to god i’m going somewhere with this. ok. anyways.

fi in the beginning of skyward sword is, i think, how most people remember her--data-interested, icy, and detached. there is a reverence in how she addresses link from the start, even before he formally becomes her wielder, but beyond that she is calculating and precise and rarely wastes words. all of this kinda paints a picture of hylia creating fi, to me--breathing life into the spirit and willing her to be effective, be efficient, be loyal, and be sharp. when you have that image in your head, a lot of how fi operates makes sense--she wasn’t created to have emotions, because emotions get in the way of what her purpose is. hylia made a weapon and a servant, not a friend. it sucks to think about, but that is fi’s purpose.

the game is very careful, however, to show you it’s not that simple from the beginning. because hidden in Ice Queen Fi’s introduction is... a surprising amount of personality.

like this shit, where she straightup just dunks gaepora in the trash because his #Lore is out of date. it’s hysterical because you really do not know if she’s just a) an AI who doesn’t understand when she’s being kinda Rude or b) being snarky On Purpose. and that ambiguity in itself crafts this beautiful air of mystery where you, from the get go, don’t entirely know what to expect of fi all the time.

or this, which she says directly after link hesitates to accept the blade:

this scene, which people who have edgier takes on fi constantly use to paint her as intentionally manipulative, where all i see is... her using emotional validation to calm link down enough for him to take in what’s happening. a really important thing about fi is that she’s paradoxically an empath? she can read auras and detect emotion with extreme precision even if she’s incapable of feeling it herself in the beginning. so she knows everything link is experiencing here, understands that it’s holding him back, and takes care to deconstruct the whirlwind of emotion he’s collapsing under and explain to him why he can and should trust her words.

again this is all in her introductory scene. they write her very specifically to be a seemingly flat character with this... rumbling of something more going on under the surface. so much so that the first time you get to a sacred spring and fi, completely randomly, just starts skating across the water’s surface and speaking ancient poeticisms to you, you don’t question it. you’re not like hey, why is sword alexa doing a little dance? you just accept it as something fi is doing, because fi always feels like she’s at her job, and you don’t know how she acts outside of work, but you kinda feel like maybe you want to.

fi’s affinity for music is another way they insert humanity into an AI without making you think too hard about it. singing and dancing are inherently human, artforms are something we associate with the heart and soul. even teaching a robot to paint is, in itself, an art project crafted by a human hand. but you don’t really... consciously think about that, when you watch her do these things. you just kind of accept that she is this otherworldly thing guiding you. you don’t think about the contrast of this programmed assistant performing music alongside you in a sacred ritual. you’re just kind of like, yeah? i can’t JUST play nayru’s wisdom on my harp, i need someone who can sing and god put a vocaloid in my sword???

throughout the game, fi’s dialogue chains when you summon her don’t change in any meaningful way (besides based on what you’re carrying, where you are, etc) but as you near the end, there are a couple things of note. one that sticks out to me is what she says about one of the mid-game minibosses, who is also an artificial intelligence--

a lot of people laugh abt this line and make jokes about fi being hot for the tall handsome robot pirate and they’re valid. but the thing is, like, from the beginning of her mission, fi knew she’d essentially be dying once the world was saved. and early game fi has no hesitations about her part in things regardless, because, as we know, she wasn’t created to feel things like that. she wasn’t created to fear death, to grow attached to life or anyone in it, or to experience sorrow at the idea of saying goodbye. but this is mid-game fi, who still... never says anything she doesn’t deem entirely necessary, but she says this. for no discernible reason, she says this. it’s an unskippable dialogue option, one they WANT you to see and one that is different when you know where she ends up. admiration is already something you wouldn’t really expect of her, but it’s more than that--she’s longing for her own story to mirror it. by the sand sea, fi has started to realize she doesn’t want to go to sleep.

it’s another one of those moments where you’re kinda like, ‘haha, what, fi?' and then move on. another one of those moments where she kinda does something a little unexpected, but not so unexpected you question it too hard. fi excels at those.

before you go off to fight demise, fi stops you to warn you that it is the final battle, and you cannot return. and when you tell her you’re ready, she says this:

as i’ve said, fi doesn’t waste words. almost always, everything she says is for the purpose of efficiency, and rarely does she offer thoughts without fixed probabilities and ultimate endgoals in mind.

this is a sentiment.

it serves no purpose. it is purely an expression of devotion.

and because of EVERYTHING i’ve mentioned thus far, this line both hits you HARD as significant and foreboding in how suddenly tender it is, AND manages to read as in-character for her to say. because the way they write fi’s humanity is so beneath the surface, so easily missable, so hard for me to even lay out with concrete evidence despite the fact that i’m a person who reads a text dump of all her dialogue before bed every night.

but to me, what lays out fi’s inner workings best is actually her actual goodbye, and... not the moment most people would think, tbh? it’s not her tender farewell that speaks her emotions loudest to me, but the moment right before:

these lines, which would read as perfectly in character if it were early game fi, cut you. her complete and utter flippancy, the way she talks about all you’ve been through together as though it were nothing to her, the absolute coldness here after everything. you as a player feel kind of pathetic when she says this, like you were misguided in growing attached to her and thinking of her as a friend. and you KNOW thats the intended effect, because this is what link looks like:

he takes a moment in that last shot to like. swallow sadness and turn away from her, but even as he’s turning his head, he doesn’t take his eyes off her until the last possible moment. she hurts his feelings! why.

because it’s an act, is why. of COURSE fi loves him. of course she’s grown attached to him, of course she’s happy to have known him, of COURSE they’re friends. but fi was NEVER supposed to feel that way, she was never supposed to have the capability to love, and there’s no calculation she can run to set the uncertainties of that at ease within herself. so those lines up above is her trying her best to reset herself to who she was in the beginning, to snap herself back into the role of an emotionless servant to the goddess, to convince herself--not link--that saying goodbye won’t hurt. she’s trying to cope with something she has no idea was in the cards for her, and that’s why she’s seemingly so cruel for a moment.

all of this becomes apparent when she calls him back moments later and tells him how she really feels. there’s major whiplash because fi herself is Going Thru It. but essentially what’s happening in that moment is she thinks she knows what will hurt the least, but she miscalculates and backpedals and realizes even if saying goodbye hurts, it hurts less than pretending she doesn’t want to.

i think a lot of people overlook that line--“the most precious data i have on record.” fi, who contains multitudes within her. who contains knowledge immeasurable, the thoughts and feelings and stories of thousands. of civilizations, of gods, of countless ages passed. everything she holds within her is dwarfed entirely by what she feels for link, beside link. nothing in her encyclopedic knowledge can even compare to her friendship with him in the significance it has to her. like all things, fi has her own way of communicating her meanings, and this is her way of saying she really, truly loves him.

in addition, she very carefully does this after he abandons the sword, so it’s clear that it’s of her own will, not a part of her purpose as his servant. for this whole cutscene, up until she end, she drops the honourific and calls him just Link.

and while i see a lot of people debate if she truly does ‘feel,’ anything, like... she says it right here, she does. whether or not she was able to feel from the beginning or not, she can feel now. she has trouble putting words to those feelings, or explaining to herself and others where on earth they came from... but she feels now. that cannot be disputed.

happiness that she was able to know him. loyalty she wants to transcend lifetimes. sorrow at the idea of them having to part. gratitude that he took the chance, and did so beside her.

let’s talk about gratitude.

in skyward sword, gratitude is a tangible source of magic. it opposes malice, which as of botw is a reoccurring thing in zelda lore. skyward sword has two items--evil crystals and gratitude crystals--that represent malice and gratitude respectively. while the first isn’t entirely relevant, the second is something you’re actively encouraged to more or less harvest by helping people and basking in their thanks toward you. these feelings of gratitude are so canonically powerful in the zelda universe that they can turn monsters into humans entirely, and the outpouring of energy that event causes makes every monster & hostile creature within all of skyloft turn docile at once.

according to batreaux, the monster in question, this is well-established legend, the idea of gratitude granting humanity to the nonhuman. skyward sword literally said the power of love was canon.

the song that plays over the goodbye, of course, is called fi’s gratitude.

this is just one theory i have on the matter, but... whether hylia intended or foresaw fi to be capable of feeling human emotion or not, i do believe it was gratitude that woke her heart up. whether she was meant to love or not, link’s spirit contained within it enough love for the both of them, enough to touch her soul and rouse her from her cold and emotionless state. as always, through everything, they work in perfect tandem--his passionate heart touches hers as it sleeps, her wisdom holds him steady and level-headed.

when fi says “may we meet again in another life,” she says it like a prayer, because it is one--she knows hylia, knows that hylia loved link’s spirit just as she did, and knows that hylia of all people understands what the sword spirit is going through. and fi also knows that hylia immortalizes those she loves with cycles, with reincarnation, eternal life without the pain of never dying. fi doesn’t have a soul that hylia can bring back from death nor a physical body to revive, but she works with what she can--and so long as link’s spirit breathes anew, he finds fi. in a sunlit grove, with light bearing down on her, safe and warm and always loyal, even as the world rages on outside. fidelis, she was named for--“faithful.”

the fandom doesn’t really talk abt it, but fi is an angel. she’s an angel god sent to watch over one human, and when god said your mission is complete fi faced god and walked backwards into hell. her divine mission is long passed, but it stopped being about what she was fated to do long ago.

fi began to watch over link because he was her master. and fi resolved to stay forever because he was link.

#skyward sword #long post #hand of sorrow #wendy rambles #Anonymous #wendy answers

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fragmentwitch · 3 years

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Im not tagging this post bc it is an unpopular(?) opinion but I dont think lambda is part of satoko at all... I definitely am not trying to downplay what satoko went through (her brother, teppei and her aunt, the syndrome prpbably damaging her brain, being forced to witness her childhood friend's disemboweled corpse or being tortured by shion, etc) but it... just doesnt match up with the way lambdadelta describes her own logic error. It's so terrible she won't explicitly specify other than there was what seemed to be total isolation and eternal silence according to her.

That might well be the case for Frederica who could only watch fragments play out for when she was featured in the manga (idk how the VN covered this and it probably is irrelevant to understanding Retconathon GOU) but we have no idra what the higurashi logic error even is still. Or maybe im stupid and Ryukishi just needs to spell it out OR admit he can't do it without having to forcibly retcon a shitton of stuff because Umineko came after Higurashi, and probably didn't start sprinkling in Umineko references in Higurashi material until the console arcs n stuff added new content (I'm guessing, but that's what I think usually happens for writers that want to tie in separate stories within the same metaverse but didnt initially introduce it to seem that way)

Idk... it's funny now but when I first heard of Gou I got so excited to see if we'd get a prequel metafilled Umineko-Higurashi crossover thing where we'd pretty much see Bernkastel explicitly originate... but with the way Gou has been going and no 2nd season confirmation (convenient to find rumors of it right when we're about 5 episodes away from the end) I'm perfectly content if we just don't see any explicit Umineko cameos/Meta Logic stuff at all now? Haha it's really weird my thinking changed.

There's a saying that goes around for horror where the mind is capable of interpreting the unseen monster (i.e. the creature from Bird Box that makes you commit sudoku if you see it) as something MUCH scarier than anything the creator would reveal to you. It's fun to read different interpretations, and provided no hard evidence disproves them, all are perfectly valid and really creative if the person theorizing crafts an excellent forgery.

So when the 'solution' is given to you, inevitably it's going to disappoint some people that it isn't up to par vs a more plausible/favorable explanation offered via interpretation. An old rokkenjima forum post I read a while ago had a pretty valid concern: perhaps it's better not to try and explain Higurashi as a gameboard because if Ryukishi is not extremely careful, the struggles and individual stories of each character may feel cheapened and devalue Higurashi's story by untroducing an element where it was the doing of witches all along.

Honestly I'm hoping Satoko and Lambdadelta aren't part of each other the way Bern and Rika are... I feel like it would cheapen how enigmatic she is, and it cheapens by a LOT if Lambda's supposed logic hell started when Satoko... wasn't thriving in an academic environment. And even if Rika goes full Bernkastel and says something really heartless to Satoko, would it really justify pushing her to murder Rika and handwaving it like "it's not out of character because Satoko still has hinamizawa syndrome"? I'm really not sure. Shion's reason for what happened was a pile of issues that you gotta unpack, it wasnt just because she was a yandere for satoshi (and no, Shion isnt a yandere)

If you ask me, Lambdadelta isn't part of Takano or Satoko at all. This is entirely subjective but I got the impression Lambdadelta has been a witch far longer than Bern has. She even said she'd "maybe understand Bern's feelings a little better" in one line... meaning Bern is also an enigma to her and perhaps her goal of trapping Bern in an eternal stalemate is to get past that last wall Bern put up around herself and her trauma. (I call it a brand of flirting only traumatized magical girls would think is cute... and it is... but it's tragic). I'm a LambdaBern stan who doesn't believe they're actually unironic yandere with each other. I think they're both witches that came from unique circumstances and found solace in that. Their logic hells were so traumatic to them that their only comfort is to watch people go through a hell of their own. Sure they say really violent stuff to each other but again I think it's them both putting up an act. Neither of them would ever show weakness or vulnerability in front of pieces, much less other witches. Maybe not even each other, and that's why they are glad to play a game of cat and mouse with each other forever.

I have a lot of complicated feelings in the way I try to explore their dynamic that can't quite be put into words. Umineko is very layered but my favorite pastime is figuring out why they're drawn to each other while simultaneously playfully in constant opposition. And maybe Im a little fearful that Gou could ruin the fun of guessing for me + devalue Satoko and Rika...

#fair warning i havent slept much so it's literally me rambling abt my love hate relatiomship with gou #spoilery stuff abound j guess idk

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a-coda · 3 years

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Advent of Code

As a child, advent calendars always added to the sense of anticipation in the lead up to Christmas. In my day you would be lucky to get a small picture behind each of the doors. These days, children expect chocolates or sweets. My wife has once even had a "Ginvent Calendar", with gin behind each door.

This year I marked Advent by having a go at the "Advent of Code" which has Christmas-themed programming puzzles posted each day. Most days are in two parts, with an easier puzzle followed by a harder one. Traditionally, I've posted a (mostly ignored) programming puzzle to our development team each Christmas. Last year I just recycled one of the Advent of Code puzzles, but this year I suggested we attempt the whole thing. The puzzles are so well thought out, in comparison to my efforts, that it seemed pointless to compete.

In the end, several of the team had a go. Some of the puzzles were harder than others, but I managed to solve them all by Boxing Day. What follows are some personal anecdotes from the various days with some general thoughts at the end. Note that there are some spoilers and the notes won't mean much if you've not done the puzzles. So in this case just skip to the end.

a sum-finder. I implemented the search tree via recursive calls. I drifted into using Python right from the start. It just felt like the easiest way to hack the puzzles quickly. In the past I had thought about using the puzzles to learn a new language. A colleague had done that with Rust in a previous year. Despite these good intentions, expediency took a firm hold. That said, in several puzzles I would have liked immutable collections or at least Lisp-style lists.

a pattern counter. Not that interesting except patterns were emerging in the programs themselves. Regular expressions got used a lot to read in the puzzle data. I learnt about things like match.group(1,2,3) which returns a tuple of the first three match groups, so you don't have to write (m.group(1), m.group(2), m.group(3)).

a grid tracer. The first interesting one because it was unfamiliar. Some other patterns started emerging: problem parameters got promoted to command line arguments, and data structure printers got hacked to help debugging. These two were often added between part 1 and part 2 of each problem.

a data validator. This felt like a bit of a slog. It was mostly about capturing the validation rules as code. Even though I made a point of reminding myself at the start that re.search doesn't match the whole string I still forgot it later. Duh.

an indexing problem. I patted myself on the back for realizing that the index was a binary number (or pair of binary numbers as I did it). At this point the solutions were still neat and I would do a little code golfing after the solution to tidy them up a bit and make them more concise.

another pattern counter. Pre-calculating some things during data reading kept the later code simple.

a recursive calculator. This was one of those puzzles where I had to reread the description several times to try and understand what it was asking for. It entailed a slightly tricky recursive sum and product, which was again made easier by creating more supporting data structures while reading the input data.

an interpreter. Probably my favourite individual puzzle because it was so sweet, especially after a bit of refactoring to make the language more data-driven.

another sum-finder. I found I didn't particularly like these.

an order-finder. This was the first one that made me pause for thought. An overly naive search algorithm from part 1 hit a computational complexity wall in part 2. I beat the problem by realizing that the search only had to be done on small islands of the data, but a colleague pointed out there was a better linear solution. The code was starting to get a bit ragged, with commented out debugging statements.

the game of life. The classic simulation but with some out-of-bounds spaces and some line-of-sight rules. It helped to print the board.

a map navigator. I liked this one even though I forgot to convert degrees to radians and that rotation matrices go anti-clockwise. I even introduced an abstract data type (ADT) to see if it would simplify the code (I'm not sure it ever did - I mostly used lists, tuples, strings, and numbers). The second parts of the puzzles were starting to get their own files now (usually bootstrapped by copying and pasting the first part's file).

a prime number theorem. I actually got stalled on this one for a bit. It eventually turned out I had a bug in the code and was missing a modulus. In effect I wasn't accounting for small primes far to the right. I left the puzzle and went on to complete a couple of others before coming back to this one. I checked what I was doing by Googling for hints, but in the end I had to take a long hard look at the data and find my own bug.

some bit twiddling. Part 1 felt like I found the expected bitwise operations, but part 2 felt like I was bashing square pegs into round holes.

a number sequence problem. Another pat on the back, this time for keeping a dictionary of recent occurrences and not searching back down the list of numbers each time. Another recurring pattern is evident: running a sequence of steps over the data. I liked to code the step as its own function.

a constraint solver. A nice one about labelling fields that satisfy the known constraints. Half the code was parsing the textual rules into data.

another game of life simulation. This time it was in more dimensions. I generalized from 3 dimensions to N instead of just doing 4. This made it more of a drag. I started naming auxiliary functions with placeholder names (social services should have been called). Also, I tacked on extra space along each dimension to make room at each step. This felt very ugly. I should have used a sparser representation like I did for day 24.

an expression evaluator. I used another actual ADT and wrote a simple but horrible tokenizer. The evaluator was okay but I hacked the precedence by inserting parentheses into the token stream. Don't try this at home kids.

another pattern matcher. Probably my biggest hack. My code compiled the pattern rules into a single regular expression. This was cute but meant the recursive rules in part 2 needed special treatment. One rule just compiled into a repeated pattern with +. Unfortunately, the other rule entailed matching balanced sub-patterns, which every schoolchild knows regular languages can't do. Perhaps some recursive pattern extensions might have worked, but I assumed there would be no more than 10 elements of the sub-patterns and compiled the rule into a large alternative of the possible symmetrical matchers. Yuck.

a map assembler. I did this one the most methodically. It had proper comments and unit tests. Overall it took the most code but perhaps it was just dealing with all the edge cases (ba dum tss). But seriously, it seemed to take a lot of code for rotating and flipping the tiles even after knowing how they must be connected. So probably there was a better approach. It was still satisfying the see the answer come out after all that work. Curiously, this one involved little debugging. I wonder if perhaps there is some connection between preparation and outcome?

a constraint solver. I tried a dumb approach first based on searching all the possible bindings. That didn't look like it was terminating any time soon. So I reverted to a previously successful technique of intersecting the associations and then then refining them based on the already unique ones.

a recursive card game. This card game playing puzzle seemed to be going okay, but the real data didn't converge for part 2. Had a quick Google for a hint after battling with it for a while, and the first hit was from someone who said they'd misread the question. Sure enough I had too. My recursive games were on the whole deck instead of the part dictated by the cards played. Duh. The description was clear enough and included a whole worked game. I just hadn't read it properly. It still seemed to need some game state memoization to run tolerably fast.

a circular sequence. Took three attempts. A brute force approach using an array was good enough for part 1, but no way was it going to work on part 2. Even optimizing it to use ranges was still 'non-terminating' for the array-based solution. So I Googled for a little inspiration and found the phrase "linked lists" and slapped my forehead hard. I switched to a dictionary of labels to labels and the solution popped out very easily, without any further optimization. Embarrassing. Was it time to ceremonially hand in my Lisp symbol and fall on a sharpened parenthesis?

another game of life. This one sounded neat because it was about a hex grid, but I didn't know how hex grids are usually indexed. So for the first time I did a little bit of general research at the start. Turns out there are a bunch of ways to index a hex grid. I opted for using 3-axes as that seemed natural despite the redundancy. The map itself was just a dictionary of locations. I should have looked up how to have structured dictionary keys in Python (implement __hash__) but I couldn't be bothered so I (look away now) serialized and deserialized the locations to and from strings. I still had a bug which I couldn't find until I hacked a crude hex board printer and realized I wasn't carrying the unchanged cells over from one iteration to the next.

a cryptographic puzzle. Came out quite short but only after some faffing around. Main trick seemed to be to keep the transformation ticking along instead of recalculating it from scratch each time. There was slight disappointment (tinged with relief) that there was no part 2.

Some general lessons I felt I (re)learned:

Read the questions very carefully, then reread them.

Try and use terms from the questions. Don't invent your own terminology and then have to map back and forth.

Make the trace output exactly like the examples to help comparison.

Next time I'd consider using BDD to turn their examples directly into tests. Next time.

Try the problem for a while by yourself, then think about it offline, and only then Google for hints.

Next time I'd consider using some form of source control from the start, or just a better set of file naming conventions.

Regular expressions go a long way, but can then they can get in the way.

Next time I'll consider doing it using a language I'm learning.

Sometimes when you get stuck you have to start again.

During some low moments it all felt like make-work that I'd inflicted on myself, but in the end it was a nice set of training exercises. I'd encourage others to have a go at their leisure.

"Practice is the best of all instructors." -- Publilius Syrus

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lovenotesuggestions · 5 years

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Is there a way you could tell me all of the 'names' for exclusionist people? Like terfs, or people who think you need dysphoria to be trans (I don't remember the name ;_;) I want to be as inclusive as possible, and thus wanna read and learn more about exclusionists. You're very knowledgeable about the LGBTQIA+ community from what I've seen, at least a lot more than I am, so I figured you'd know at least some of them. I also wanna make it clear who to put on DNI list for my blog.

Thank you for thinking of me to ask, and for trying to educate yourself! Off the top of my head, the main things I can think of to look out for are:

TERFs sometimes also go by ‘gender realists’ or ‘gender critical’ - they’re more likely to self-identify as terms like those rather than as TERFs because they consider it a slur (it’s not). Also look out for people with things like XX or ‘adult human female’ in their bios or usernames - it’s TERF shorthand for identifying themselves as ‘real’ women. You may also see the term TWERF - trans women exclusionary reactionary feminism. Some people interpret the R to stand for radical, but reactionary is more accurate.

The folks you’re thinking of who think you need dysphoria to be trans are called truscum or transmedicalists. On twitter especially you often see them with crossed sword emojis or lightning emojis in their usernames/bio, which they use to indicate themselves as fans of K/alvin G/arrah (censored bc he and his fans tend to namesearch him to harass people who call him on his shit) or storm ryan, who are two particularly virulent truscum youtubers. Ofc not everyone with these emojis are people like these, esp with the new pokémon game that just got announced, but I tend to be cautious of it.

People who exclude ace and aro folks don’t tend to have a specific name - they tend to self-identify as ace exclusionist, though some self-identify as aphobes (which like... blows my mind when they claim to just not think aces/aros are LGBTQ+, but are happy to call themselves openly discriminatory and hateful towards ppl for having an orientation?? anyway that’s a can of worms for another day). They usually only refer to themselves as ace exclusionist, but this also extends to aro folks too.

Not specifically LGBTQIA+ related, but it’s also worth looking out for SWERFs, which stands for sex worker exclusionary reactionary feminists, whose feminism opposes sex work and opposes legalisation of sex work (particularly full service sex work, which is the preferred way to refer to prostitution) despite evidence that criminalisation of sex work actively harms sex workers, who are disproportionately poor, POC, and LGBTQIA+.

There don’t seem to be any other exclusionist ideologies with specific names (at least not that I’m aware of), but some other common ones to point out are:

non-binary exclusionists, who don’t believe non-binary genders are real (sometimes referred to as exorsexists, which is a name for the specific type of transphobia experienced by non-binary people) or who gatekeep the way n-b people behave, i.e. who say n-b people can’t identify as gay or lesbian, can’t use he/him or she/her pronouns, can’t use neopronouns, can’t medically transition, can’t present in a masculine or feminine way, can’t have typically masculine or feminine gendered names, etc.

people who don’t believe pansexuality is a valid orientation (who think it’s just bisexual for people who want to be special, or who believe it’s inherently transphobic due to a misconception that bi = attracted to cis men and women and pan = attracted to cis and trans men and women, when actually bi = attraction to two or more genders, and pan = attraction to all/regardless of gender - whether or not the people in question are trans doesn’t play into it).

There are even still people who don’t think trans or bi people should be included in the LGBTQ+ community, even though it was a bi woman who organised the first pride parade, and trans women of colour who were instrumental in the Stonewall riots.

There are also a few particular brands of lesbophobia becoming louder recently, including but not limited to: people who assume all/most lesbians are TERFs or aphobes due to an unfortunate minority of vocal lesbians with these views, people who think lesbians can’t be non-binary, and people who don’t think lesbians can use he/him or they/them pronouns.

People who don’t believe others should identify as queer or use/reclaim the term.

If anyone thinks of anything I’ve missed anything off, please let me know! Also, if anyone has any additional good-faith questions, like what particular terms might mean or what I might be referring to at certain points, then feel free to ask them!

Pre-emptive note: This blog firmly believes in the inclusive nature of the LGBTQIA+ community - the history of our movement is based on inclusiveness and unity between the different groups marginalised for not conforming to cisheteronormative standards, and exclusionism has always been a bad thing for us - it’s the thing that made lesbians, bi folks, and trans folks have to fight to be included in the acronym, even though they were the founders of the rights movement. My LGBTQIA+ community is for anyone who isn’t cisgender, heterosexual, heteroromantic, and perisex and who wants to be a part of it. Policing people’s presentation and the way they go about expressing themselves in a world that tries to quash our self-expression is not part of the spirit of the movement that is supposed to celebrate diversity and non-conformity. People being themselves doesn’t make the community ‘look bad’ or justify homophobia or transphobia - the people to blame for discrimination are the discriminators, not the people being discriminated against for rejecting toxic respectability politics. I will not be responding to any discourse on this matter - y’all know where the unfollow button is. Keep it out of the replies and out of my inbox and generally away from me.

#long post #not a suggestion #negative /#homophobia /#transphobia /#queerphobia /#Anonymous #answered

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chelsieheartstriker · 5 years

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Whether batman/superman should kill or not is a bogus fight because Zack's fans refuse to acknowledge the comics n only focus on his version of realism. Whether that realism is someone's cup of tea or not is another question entirely. But thinking it's only one group being dicks to the other and one group being hypocrites is biased perception. Neither his fans nor his haters have any right to bully each other but here non comic fans are on arrogant ignorant rant n talking over genuine criticism.

This is blatantly untrue. Zack’s fans are always acknowledging the comics and how Batman v Superman is a damn love letter to them. You want examples? Because I can give you those! How about…okay, how about this. The most common criticism I’ve seen about Man of Steel is that Superman doesn’t smile. Take a look at this, from Supergirl’s 2005 series:

Clark, just like Kara in these panels, is a person, not just some caricature that can never do wrong and always smiles no matter what happens or how horrible the circumstances. What makes him a hero isn’t that he always knows what the right thing to do is, isn’t that he’s perfect. It’s that every time he gets knocked down, he gets back up and keeps trying to do better.

Also, this is gatekeeping nonsense. I’m a comics fan. I’ve been a comics fan since I was six years old. I can hold an intelligent discussion about comics any day. But you want to know something? Nobody “knows” comics. Anyone that claims they do is a dumbass, because we’re talking about eight decades worth of material. There are dozens of equally valid interpretations, and it’s both ridiculous and offensive to dismiss the perspectives you don’t like by saying, oh, whoever thinks that must not read comics, because there is canonical evidence to support just about every statement anyone could make. At this point, Batman and Superman are far more than just comics characters. They are a part of our public consciousness. Does that mean that the comics don’t matter and shouldn’t be considered the purest form of the source material, no! But there is so much content out there, none fundamentally “more right” than the rest, that it is ridiculous to suggest that people don’t read them just because they interpret the characters in a different way than you do and appreciate different stories. If you’re claiming Zack doesn’t read comics…well, then I don’t think you know much about Zack Snyder. He loves comics enough to not only read them, but be critical of them, even when he’s basing an entire movie off a specific one.

BvS was very clearly based on The Dark Knight Returns. Duh. And the thing about The Dark Knight Returns is…I fucking can’t stand it. I think it’s a terrible comic. But Zack took it and flipped it around so that Superman is the hero and Batman has fallen. Built on it so it was way more than some macho power fantasy about Batman beating up government stooge Superman. That’s what he was deconstructing - the Miller idea of Batman. And he was reconstructing the idea of superheroes and morality and doing the right thing by setting it all in a universe where that’s hard. Where the threats aren’t just external and physical, but internal, psychological. Clark picked up a spear and sacrificed himself to defeat Doomsday for a world that hated and feared him, because that was what the right thing to do was. Because altruism matters. Because protecting those that can’t protect themselves matters. Because he may not have been born on Earth, but Earth is his home and humans are his people. I wrote this post nearly two years ago about how BvS reconstructs the concept of superheroes, and I stand by every word. Since I wrote it, not one person has been able to actually convince me that it is anything even close to a cynical story, much less that it’s a sign of a lack of respect for the comics.

And I’ve never actually heard genuine criticism. Most of what I’ve heard is people judging it for what it’s not, rather than what it is, or super subjective statements presented as fact. It’s more “Batman shouldn’t do this” than an honest evaluation of the movie itself and how that does or doesn’t succeed in expressing how he got to that point. It’s preconceived notions, not the movie itself.

#Anonymous #replies #Zack Snyder #DC Extended Universe #DCEU positivity

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 5 years

Note

I've read recently that all cognitive function theory is not valid. Existence of E/I, T/F/S/N is proven but Ne/Ni and so on are false. And there is no badis for type dynamics. What can you say?

Hi anon,

You must be extremely new here. However, this serves as a really good starting point for a discussion of not just MBTI, but also how to use your brain on the internet and in life.

Answering your actual question: all of this is a pseudoscience. With the exception of introversion/extroversion, which is backed up by neurological evidence, there is no proof of anything. All of this is based on the observations of people who developed the theory. We cannot test definitively for Ne or for intuition with an MRI, and never have been able to, and so if your definition of validity is that it is backed up with science, then none of this is valid.

Addressing the issues with your question:

“I’ve read recently” - Where? Another random stranger with no psych degree’s tumblr blog? The Wall Street Journal? The door of a bathroom stall in an Applebees? The Journal of the American Psychological Association? Sources matter. If you - or anyone - can’t tell me where you read something I have no obligation to trust its validity. You’re like a housecat bringing me a dead bird; I appreciate that you see me as some sort of authority but I don’t fucking know where that’s been and I do not want it in my house.

Cognitive function theory isn’t valid and dichotomy theory (S/N, T/F, J/P) is: that’s extremely weird, actually, given that cognitive function theory, both Jungian and later MBTI (and Socionics) all predate the dichotomy theory which was a later simplification. And, you know, dichotomy theory has also never been proven to my knowledge, a statement I cannot further justify because I cannot prove a negative and you did not provide the source which claims it has been proven.

There is no basis for type dynamics: from my FAQ

so like what I have to say on this is already readily available (namely...there is indeed no real basis for type dynamics) and you could have found that out had you followed some basic directions and I could be watching that Polygon video about the sexiest Castlevania monster for the third time instead of writing this up in the hope that someone will see this and learn just a little about critical thinking.

Addressing what I’m interpreting as your dislike of the theory: I will acknowledge this is all difficult to search on my blog but I’ve addressed this and some similar themes multiple times within the last couple of months.

My general philosophy re: MBTI

More of same

My general philosophy re: information on the internet in general

Your spiritual twin asking a very similar question about a month and a half ago

Finally, a question from me: what are you trying to get out of this question?

-Are you genuinely looking for my answer? Then I apologize for some of the above and below snark and you have my blessing try again, but I’ll need you to include the source instead of a hasty paraphrase of findings.

-Do you not like MBTI? That’s fine! But like...what do you get out of this that you couldn’t have gotten by not saying anything and spending time doing a thing you enjoy? Or as someone I follow said to an anon, is this what you want to do with your one wild and precious life? (before anyone asks if this is what I want to do with my one wild and precious life: yes. I enjoy getting up on this particular soapbox and ranting to the void upon occasion and it’s been a minute since I did so). There’s a whole world outside and like...you’re complaining about the minutia of a theory you don’t even like?

-Are you trying to change my mind? You’re not doing a very good job. Including a source would be an excellent start. Also you have a wealth of opposition research available to you to help craft your argument, known as my entire blog. You may start with the FAQ.

#mbti #i just do not get this particular slow spate of people who don't like MBTI asking about it #like I don't think astrology is real but i have never gone to an astrology blog and said you're not real #Anon ask #answered asks

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synodicatalyst · 6 years

Note

what do u think abt rose/m and vriska/m in fandom? if u search the tags u can still find active shippers (notably joh/nrose n j/ohnv/ris) w ppl denying that they can be lesbians. common arguments r like "its biphobic to say shes a lesbian bc on page 5471 line 39 she canonically flirted w a boy!! lol" while ignoring,,, that comphet is a Thing... what i find esp interesting as an actual bi person is that these ppl are seldom bi themselves; it reads more like theyre trying to justify their (1/2)

like of the pair (like dirk/f shippers saying "jOhN is a hETeroSexual but people ship [joh/ndave joh/nkat etc]!!!! str8 oppression!" or "uhhh in this pesterlog with roxy he said he ISNT GAY" while ignoring all other textual evidence that goes against it,,, or altogether cherrypicking the parts they want to hear to support their het narrative). its honestly a bit disheartening to see this like. ok in some instances things are left up for interpretation, but why would you want to say (2/3 whoops)

(for example) that rose is bi bc she "flirted w john/dave" when there are so many interactions in-canon where she was only interested in women!! and for bi rep, why would you want her instead of NUMEROUS characters shown to express attraction to multiple genders (eg dave, roxy, karkat, jade just to name a few!) like i personally find that to be more than a bit iffy, especially in 2018 and not like. 2010 when dav/ejade joh/nrose etc was popular. (3/3)

wow anon really spicing up my inbox today huh [its ok i love some spice]

uhm..hm. i think..well.. i gave up being super angry about j/hnr/se (and other rose/dude) ships a lil while ago because i mean, there is literally nothing i can do that will stop those folks. like me being like ‘yall shes obviously a lesbian’ isnt going to stop user ilovejo//hnro//se69 (thats not a real user tho afaik) from shipping their ship

i will say that its 2018 and if you havent gotten the memo yet...rose is pretty clearly a lesbian [see: jasprosesprite’s unabashed flirting with like All The Girls and zero of the boys] and i genuinely dont understand why you’d want to ship her with a dude

it is pretty disheartening and i do find it genuinely disrespectful towards both lesbians and bisexual folks (especially bi women) because using bisexuality in order to “validate” your boring m/f ship that died in 2012 is a shitty thing to do. it feels like people are commodifying bisexuality because they can’t handle that perhaps lesbians exist

with regards to vriska - i think that her situation is a bit different, because she was never explicitly stated to be a lesbian in the comic, and this new age of lesbian vriska is definitely just largely in part due to this sect (i.e. the lesbian sect) of the fandom seeing vriska and realising that she has Big Lesbian Energy and also shares very large portions of her story with The Lesbian Narrative (in that her only important relationships that actually affected her emotionally were all with women; xtine once said that vriska got more worked up about aradia’s indifference towards her than she felt about tavros in the entire comic which is very true) and her arc definitely shows lots of traits of like, comphet (going after tavros because of her ancestor and because she thought that’s what she was supposed to do) and general social dissonance.

so like, there’s a lot about vriska that points towards her being a lesbian, and frankly i genuinely cannot imagine her being in a fulfilled or happy relationship with a man, at all (and it surprises me that some people can). however this was never stated outright in the comic, and a lot of this evidence is probably more difficult to pick out or relate to if you’re..not .. a lesbian, obviously, which is fair. i still dont put stock in people who use john, tavros, eridan or fucking nic cage as “evidence” for vriska being attracted to men because all of those relationships (if they were even that) fucking sucked and vriska was not invested in like any of them emotionally [apart from john but there’s like a Lot to that and ultimately i think vriska wasn’t romantically interested in him, she was just not used to being treated like a normal person and john helped her realise that the hyperviolence imposed upon her by society was shitty]

i.. dont want to be Like That but i genuinely just think it’s unfair when people take characters who are very obviously Lesbians [or gay men i.e. dirk] and be like ‘ya well heres an m/f relationship i like with u in it’ when homestuck has like. COUNTLESS characters who are bi/attracted to folks of another gender

and i get annoyed about rose’s lesbian identity being erased in the same way i distrust folks who erase dave’s bisexuality, because similarly, his bisexuality is an important, integral part of his character and erasure is bad

I WILL ALSO SAY bi terezi is more valid than bi vriska though i hc both as lesbians 90% of the time, but folks that go “uhhh calling terezi a lesbian is bi erasure!” and ignore the whole “you dont need him” retcon arc really don’t... get it and are failing to empathise with the folks who see their narrative in her (i am not trashing on bi terezi its a headcanon that i love too dont twist this shit)

also in general i just question the motivation of people who see characters in loving relationships with folks of the same gender, squint at it, and go “nah this sucks my m/f ship is better”

not to invalidate non-het folks in m/f relationships but yall cannot make me fucking care about like.........d/vej/de on my goddamn life

#long ass fucking post #discourse #hexa.txt #atext #anon #asks

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alterlifes-a · 6 years

Note

i love u and the psd u have for mirio is beautiful!!! can u rec some bnha blogs? or maybe anime blogs in general, thank u!

you want blog recs ?! i got blog recs ! also , i did have another anon a few months ago asking for blog recs , so i’ll only be recommending b.nha blogs , since i can do non - b.nha blogs another day ! ALSO , thank you so much for your input on my psd for mirio !! i’m so proud of it , as well tbh ! ❤︎ i’m putting this under a read more so i can gush and not clog up peoples’ dashes !! also these are in order of my following list rn , so it’s in no specific order .

@dualbred / @soarsun / @eletriq / sunny’s other blogs ❤︎ sunny is someone whose name describes what they are perfectly : he’s a ray of sunshine in your day ! he’s very charming, creative, and sweet, and he’s the perfect person to go to if you want to plot and walk out of the conversation just . screaming . whether that’s good or bad , depends .@frogblep ❤︎ idk if birdie is okay with a lot of people following since they’re really private + super mutuals-exclusive, but they’re so cute and have such a great personality ! 10/10 would chirp .@ichorsun ❤︎ wow i love hide the canon character . but for real , rye has such a well - crafted oc , and this blog deserves all the attention it can get !@dprssin / @quirkgifter / @mcka ❤︎ listen i know nanners is on hiatus cause the fandom sucks ( which is why i also linked his d . va ) , but that doesn’t erase the fact that he’s got one of the best [ and only , from what i’ve seen hsdkfjs ] nanas out there . also , we support n adore his native american mixed aizawa , thank you . @toughfist / @torncape / @tailsfur ❤︎ nora is so so kind and honestly just a huge burst of sunshine in your day ! also sakkun is such a cute oc tbh . it’s obvious she puts a lot of love into her muses , so go check out her blogs !!@knowthem / @inneall ❤︎ i haven’t interacted much with jade yet , but honestly if you write iida i already trust you … sfkjs but honestly speaking , jade is a welcome and warm presence on the dash . just having them around is grounds for a good time !@pyrrhe / @spireheart ❤︎ ram my love … my buddy in great music taste … she’s your local lesbian who’s here to kick butt and write amazing replies and guess what … she’s all out of butts to kick .@sepiternal / @amariodal / @hwitzr / @solsace ( shut up , will’s an anime — ) ❤︎ rory literally made a mirio because i wanted one , what more could you ask out of a son … but really , he’s one of my longest standing friends and no matter rain or shine , i know i can count on them to be vivacious and original @lacquarms / @jetlegs ❤︎ if anything happened to theus i will personally manifest in every tumblr user’s room and delete all of their blogs and destroy the entire website myself . but tbh , theus is so amazing and charismatic !! 100% recommendation from me@whiphero ❤︎ hansie is just one of those people who , like , you see a new blog followed you and you go to check it out , then you see hansie’s name on there and it’s just an instant follow tbh .@palmfed / @wuvlite / @dphium ❤︎ punpun is always very funny and super multifaceted in his skills … he has so much creative energy , but also he’s the друг friend so like . tread carefully . oh . he’s already there . clicking the follow button . you’re on your own now . godspeed .@amerismash ❤︎ FOSTEEEER [ i yell so loud i break the sound barrier ] follow foster , just trust me on this . you won’t regret it .@tikkvn / @montlady ❤︎ cass radiates big lesbian energy by merely existing and if that’s not the kind of presence you aim to be … but for real , befriending cass is going to be nothing but fun times and a nonstop waterfall of support . they’re so lovely and super valid and just the kind of person you naturally want as a friend !@ohaul ❤︎ i’ve yet to interact much with veggie , but honestly ? i already trust them . sfhjdks but seriously , they seem real cool ! doctors say you need veggies everyday so here’s a perfect chance for you to get your daily dose !@c0py ❤︎ bruno this icon of yours radiates so much chaotic feeling … but honestly , bruno is great and you gotta check out their monoma 10 / 10 say critics ( me )@natsutodoroki / @ksri / @negativeat ❤︎ i’m not over the fact that you managed to get such canon urls but hskfjds clarrie is honestly such a kind and charismatic person , and the way she writes her muses makes it evident they put a lot of thought into how the character is portrayed in canon itself . also natsuo is clarrie’s oc i don’t make the rules .@heartmindcd ❤︎ okay first of all , can i just say : vincent’s art ? [ fans myself … ] but honestly as a fellow artist in the rpc , i love seeing other muns’ art on my dash and vincent is no exception . he has such a distinct style , and this also translates into how he portrays shinsou ! he obviously has a good handle on how shinsou works as a character , and seeing him in my notes or on the dash is always grounds to make me smile !@yunihon ❤︎ endy is the best , eri is the best … but seriously , endy’s eri ( that sounds like a tongue twister ) is amazing . 5/5 best daughter , would adopt and protect from all harm ( please protect eri from all harm )@charistatic / @ofiignition ❤︎ i have so many feelings for gina and tbqh they are all positive . we kind of brushed shoulders with one another in a previous fandom , but now that i’ve gotten to better know her , i can say for sure that i will personally destroy you with both my hands if you make gina upset in any way . but for real , she’s caring and so fun to be around . also we scream about promised neverland together , i mean , what’s not great about that ?!@riteous ❤︎ eulalie has a b.nha verse on this blog so i’m putting them here . ok ok but thanos is singlehandedly one of my most favourite oc’s in the world . whenever eulalie posts about them i’m just : eyes : : ok_hand : : 100 : … also they look … stunning . seriously , if you’re going to follow eulalie for like the most bare bone reason , follow because their muse is the prettiest but stay because the mun is a wonderful person .@faceplain ❤︎ kit’s sero is iconic … you should check out their blog !! and if not it’s okay , i’m activating my own tape quirk to slingshot you over there right now as i type .@trapsminds ❤︎ i literally look at sunne’s icon on my dash and i immediately light up into a smile , and if that isn’t any indication that this is a shinsou worth following then idk what ever will be .@bgku / @kwurk ❤︎ CLOOOOOOO —- [ i continue this for 3 hours straight until you click clo’s blog ] ok but really i love clo’s headcanons for bakugou so much … even the smallest , two word post will leave me going :D !!@raijima / @slipstep ❤︎ ryou has a b.nha verse so i’m putting him on here too but also vanur is such an imaginative person and i love every single idea that pops out from his head . he writes such amazing and divine original characters , they feel like they’re real and palpable .@tapeties / @exposensei ❤︎ REID I GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE RIGHT NOW !!! tbh when i think of aizawa , i just think of reid in general … his penmanship with any character is * chef - kisses my fingers *@chargebolted / @noquirk ❤︎ if you’re not following prince i’m going to come into your house and steal all of your left shoes . ok but really , prince is not only inventive and innovative , he puts a unique and loving touch on every single character he writes . literally ! what more can you ask for ?! i actually mix myself up because i’m so accustomed to writing about / with his deck that i forget he isn’t canon , which . hello , hori ? do it . now . puppeteer and analyzer spin off WHEN !?@trickry ❤︎ you’re lucky i’m putting you on here because i literally hovered over your blog just to double check things like i did with everyone else’s and i got met with that stupid header oh my go — ( but follow hunni actually )@thuskindlyiscatter ❤︎ what do you mean ruby isn’t a canon bnha character ( august just ended but i’m extending it . today is august 37th . so you have to follow august during this month . )@rdriots ❤︎ you know how sometimes you just associate a mun or muse with one another ? like , if you thought of the name tooru , a lot of people would think of me ? i think of kiri and one of the first blogs that comes into mind is this one , because leo’s kiri is just that iconic .@viperot ❤︎ don’t follow if you don’t want madoka to release 10 , 000 snakes into your muse’s house . actually it doesn’t matter , they’re going to do it anyway . i hear their reviews on yelp are awful , though :( in all seriousness , lemon is one of the best muns i know out there . they’re naturally just a great person . #geminisolidarity@scartar ❤︎ i would kill for zander . like . literally . i would kill for zander . seeing zander on my dash brings me so much unbridled joy … also they’re the person who likes every single one of your posts , get THAT kind of support in your life tbh .@quirkedit / @heartslight ❤︎ sparky log onto your monoma . sparky log onto your monoma . log onto your monoma , sparky . sp@ondespair / @onfaith ❤︎ who is this man i don’t know him he just randomly appeared on this blog rec and definitely does not have a super well - thought out and developed oc .@killslove ❤︎ rose logged onto his himiko yesterday and i am still screaming about it more than 24 hours later … but honestly , rose puts SOOOOOO SO SO SO SO much thought into how himiko works as a character , and that makes me happy because i also wrote / psychoanalyzed her for a brief moment and tbh rose ? articulates all of that research into a well fleshed out and believable interpretation of her .@creatied ❤︎ i went to type in the url but then just typed in ‘ maddy ’ like an idiot . but yeah . maddy . she’s beauty she’s grace she loves momo so much and you can very much tell . she isn’t super active rn and that’s understandable but whenever she does post i am heart eyes !@implosiveexplosive ❤︎ HONESTLY JUST LOOK AT JAY’S WRITING AND TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T FOLLOW OH MY GOD IT’S GORGEOUS@boydazzle ❤︎ egg est un auteur magnifique ! aussi … voulez-vous du fromage ? :)@keiuu ❤︎ QUEENIE IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE ON THIS WEBSITE this isn’t even my opinion it’s literally a FACT thank you goodBYE@aerve ❤︎ can you tell i’m writing so much i’m running out of things to say without just repeating 20239 times that everyone is amazing ( which they are ) anyway coral is one of said people who i can use a billion adjectives to describe positively and yet my brain is churning out none . but coral ? valid . so valid . also gr8 art amazing beautiful wondrous@halfher ❤︎ i think out of everyone here , kaien is the person who has known me the longest … honestly kaien has the skill to be a full - fledged published author at this point and you can’t convince me otherwise . i’ve seen them improve and grow in the 3 or so years between when we first interacted and now … i’m so proud of them tbh !@juuheart ❤︎ i love notay the canon bleach character bUT ALSO NIQUE STOP HURTING HER !! >:((( but also follow nique so you can become attached to notay and yell every time nique hurts her — KJSFFNSDJK@negatiiv ❤︎ hands down one of the most well - done / well - executed oc’s on here . there’s so much development that’s gone on with emi , it’s unbelievable . but also [ naruto vc ] believe it@anquished ❤︎ jihoon is my son and izuku is tooru’s son need i say more i mean really … but also jihoon writes such a unique take on izuku and i love his portrayal so much @faulterd ❤︎ rOWAN’S MOMO IS SO AMAZING IT’S LIKE I’M READING EVERY INTERACTION STRAIGHT FROM THE MANGA ITSELF !!!@quirkthief ❤︎ oh my god i’m posting all of these blogs in the reverse order that i followed them from and i literally had to go through 700 followers to finally find connor all the way in the first few hundred i followed after making the blog … how long … is that … how lONG HAVE I KNOWN CONNOR ?! but existential crisis aside , connor’s afo is like … the one canon afo for me lmao . i could write a huge tangent on how much i appreciate him but honestly if you follow him and talk to him you’ll know already . but also be warned cause you’re basically already going to be placed in the afo cult and there’s no escaping please help me i—@greaterhero / @conhnhaketon ❤︎ i literally had to find an excuse to put ro on this because they’re not even an anime blog and they hate the b.nha fandom ( hecking valid if you ask me ) but i want to put them here anyway because you need to follow ro … how are you following me but not them … okay but for real , they’re smart n kind n super fun to talk to ! love forever … and also huge respect tbh …@mightyfrail ❤︎ a wonderful wonderful all might honestly hsdfjs i’ve been following this blog for soooo long it’s literally … illegal that we’ve yet to interact what the heckie … but yeah , all might is a trans icon there is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise

#anon .#you bare your teeth as god disproves existence of himself ; tell me —– is that a snarl ‚ or a grin ? / ans.#did u think i was kidding i literally went through 800+ BLOGS ON MY FOLLOWING LIST #TO MAKE THIS BLOG REC ...#also i'm so sorry if i missed you i didn't recommend inactive blogs / ones on hiatus #lmk if ur not on here and ur a b.nha blog mutual of mine i'll add u right away #what’s up —– i’m ru ‚ i’m 19 ‚ and i never h*ckin’ learned how to read . / ooc.

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