#is the bastardization of it as a means of generating comedy and entertainment

[amusedunderclock]

Backlog: Talking About Movies - TSS (2021)

Originally I posted this somewhere else May 2023, but I'm trying to consolidate right now. Furthermore, when I originally posted to Tumblr, it's system didn't realize I'm talking about a MOVIE and not about anything personal. Because I don't need 4 private messages about mental health, I'm just posting the title screen and calling it "TSS". Moving on.

So I watched TSS 2021. That is the sequel to the 2016 movie, for clarity. I wasn’t motivated to watch it because of GotG 3’s release. I forgot that the Guardians movie was close to coming out when watching this one.

Preamble:

After Batman V. Superman, didn’t care much to see anything DC Comics movies outside of some online summaries. But after Endgame, there were a handful of movies from that brand coming out that seemed decent so I would eventually check them out. Such as TSS 2021.

“You can’t use summaries as a substitute for watching-” I don’t care.

Some think the 2016 movie’s whatever, but the only person I directly knew going to bat for that movie, was a major asshole. To me, the sequel stands or falls on it’s own merits.

When I heard James Gunn was making this, I was interested. Ultimately though, I guess it worked out for him since he now runs DC Comics media from this point forward. I didn’t see that coming. Don't expect much in terms of how I feel he's doing in that role. I don't feel the need to judge until about 2-3 movies into his reboot.

But where do I start with TSS? Overall, entertaining movie. Would rewatch.

Now…back in May, I said this:

"You want a point in DC Comics’ favor when it comes to movies? Well when it comes to their CGI, from what I’ve seen, it’s been consistently great. TSS is no exception. Everything blends together with the real world stuff very well. They did a good job there."

And while I stand by TSS having great CGI…The Flash has now come out. I have seen clips of that. That doesn't erase what good the DCEU has done in the past concerning CGI. But damn, being worried about future CGI from them is not unwarranted.

Obviously comparing TSS to Marvel stuff would make sense. TSS feels like it has a different tone. Maybe that’s just because of one company being more hands off, but idk how WB really operates. Kinda felt fresh to just have more varying and modern music playing in one of these superhero things.

What set it apart from the MCU was the R rating which…yeah it took advantage of that. TSS 2021 is violent, detailed, uncensored. Offset by it’s comedy. Frankly, it’s a funny movie. A lot of the comedy is the villains oblivious to common courtesies, or just uncaring in general. It works.

Think I saw some complaints about comic book accuracy. A complaint with all these superhero type movies. Look to be frank, most of the comics people are referencing for accuracy aren’t exactly Nobel Prize winning literature here. Even when they are notably well written, movies are only 2-3 hours while a comic story can span multiple issues.

That's what I wrote in May. Since then, all of twitter is nothing BUT complaining that these products not being comic accurate means that they're inherently bastardized, worthless, a crime against humanity, and will lead to their downfall. This line of thinking is just begging for someone to make a 110% comic accurate superhero movie that ultimately flops because people deem it too fuckin goofy, nonsensical, or just not that interesting as the hype suggested. I'm not saying all of comic history is bad or the comics didn't do some things better. And I'm not ignoring the MCU's storytelling flaws. But damn, The Spider-Verse movies aren't 1 to 1 accurate with the Spider-Verse comics and no one is complaining about that because they are well written. The Guardians trilogy took SEVERAL liberties, but is called peak despite them.

Comic accurate does not automatically equal well writen and never will. Hell, one of the most popular comic youtubers, Comics Explained, is a person who goes on for hours about entire comic arcs. And he outright criticized "X-Men: Days of Future Past". Saying something like "Yeah people like Days of Future Past , but that's just because they copy/pasted the story from the comics" and was hoping for something more original in future movies. And I don't agree with all of his takes, but if someone who dedicates this much time to comics is saying these things, I feel it's more valid than people on twitter who I can't confirm if they read the comics they're praising.

Back to what I said in May, TSS is good without being exactly like the comic. I don’t understand how Starro being mustache-twirly evil would improve the film short of nerds checking off a list of comic accuracy. And him being Death Battle fuckin "He can blink the universe out of existence" powerful is outright nonsensical. Starro was good for what it was.

Interpretation needs to happen sometimes. That said, actors.

This is the first time I’ve seen Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn. It’s not entirely like TV versions, but she made it her own and it works. She was in the role for 6 years, it’s probably expected she knows what she’s doing.

Idris Elba, he’s always been a cool actor. Not entirely something I've publicly talked much about on the internet short of him playing Knuckles and I think Heimdall, but he has good performances. Him being the main character was a good choice. Replacing Will Smith? Yeah, but unlike Smith, Elba is more willing to add more grit to his villain character and it's greatly appreciated.

Cena Peacemaker works here. You really do forget he’s a wrestler and for once in about 20 years, he plays a decent heel. Apparently this is a controversial statement, but I guess I've just not seen Cena all that much in the past decade to really focus on his past during the movie…..

…which is what I said last year.

In 2024, after seeing his lacking comments on Vince McMahon, I don't feel much need to praise him or focus on him in the future. Someone put it aptly.

How his Peacemaker solo series went, I have no idea and now I don't care. If he comes back in the reboot, I can at least see why but I still don't care. Harley and Waller tho? They should be priority to return. Especially those two. They're just THAT great.

The rest of the team are convincing enough as villains.

Although…Ratcatcher 2.

Don’t get me wrong. She is a good actor. It makes sense that she’s in jail for her crimes. But like, remove the rat communicator and isn’t she just a person? Can someone else use the communicator?

I don’t think that’s explained. My attempts to google didn’t answer that. If there’s some TSS interview explaining that the Ratcatcher family can only use the communicator, cool. Otherwise, I question how she’s on the Squad to begin with unless they're (likely) short on villains.

To anyone who may take this out of context, Ratcatcher 2 is a good character, good for stealth, & the payoff in the end is great. Just seems like she wasn’t exactly a nemesis of Green Arrow or something. I feel in another context, the communicator, more than the person, would've been Waller's priority.

Like I said, Amanda Waller is solid. Davis really read that character description and said “Easy”. Her character should show up more in future movies beyond TSS.

Rest of the cast is good. Even if they’re still fucked up for betting on lives, I liked Waller’s people turning on her in order to save a city.

Think only thing left to say is that the story for what it is, comes together nicely. These people are not the Avengers/Justice League, they’re forced to work together and are convicted criminals. The interactions they have feel unique as a result, and not everything works out.

Even some of the dead characters in this movie do have development. They do advance/achieve as characters even if it does cost them their lives. Plus it's a cool movie when it has people both cheering that a monster is defeated, and then has you feeling bad for said monster.

I said this movie should stand on it's own merits and it does. TSS 2021 is a great standalone movie. Usually I would sit here and talk about broader lore, but it's unnecessary. Aside from maybe the Captain Boomerang thing, you can just go into this movie and enjoy.

#dceu #movie #comics

[hekatekun]

The metanarrative’s grand narrative: Osomatsu-san’s characterization throughout the franchise

The growing cynicism throughout the entire Osomatsu-san franchise shows itself in season 3 with more prominence than anything prior. I think that’s pretty common amongst any “long-running” gag comedy - replacing a plot with spiteful commentary that’s admittedly pretty hit or miss at times. However, it invariably creates a negative but pretty funny character growth, and I love the way the show (I’m including the movie too as “canon” material considering season 3 has referenced it way too many times for me to disregard) has set up this metanarrative across seasons. Long post ahead.

Obviously, Osomatsu-san is self-aware and has a casual relationship with itself. No linear plot (though S3 seems to be trying it out and I’ve enjoyed it - I love that they’re willing to experiment), rather a collection of unrelated skits; and so it points out its own metanarrative because of this “lack of consequences.” With comedy comes impermancy and Ososan AND -kun will always bounce back from that week’s insanity. From the Oxford Dictionary, a metanarrative is “a narrative account that experiments with or explores the idea of storytelling, often by drawing attention to its own artificiality.” Basically: a story about stories.

On top of this, is what I’m calling the “grand narrative,” which is often used interchangeably with metanarrative, but here I’m making a distinction to make it less confusing. Of course, Ososan is a story about stories, but with that comes a story it’s not directly telling, which is where most of the (little) character development is taking place. This is what I’m going to call the grand narrative of a show whose premise is being a meta-aware comedy. I’ll admit I’m by no means an expert on these subjects, but storytelling methods are something I enjoy trying to analyze. As a media format, Ososan really utilizes the fact that it’s a tv show.

Right off the bat S1E1 makes it clear what to expect: Nothing. Not a damn thing. But, the show had already been cleared for this first season, so it has to be produced. This same episode’s preview is done by Osomatsu, which I’m just gonna quote instead screenshot because there’s too many.

“...we plan on properly starting the anime the next episode.” “...you ended up with an extra minute, so you need me to do something to fill it?! Actually, is this anime going to be okay with episode one being like this? I’m getting worried about how the rest of this is going to be...” “There, I used up a minute! [EPISODE ENDS]”

Episode one is not only batshit referential, but downright mocking the state of anime in 2015. Which, truthfully, I don’t have much to comment on in that regard, as I’m not an avid anime fan. However, it does this under the premise of being indecisive about what kind of anime they wanted the Osokun reboot to be. 

They’ll do just about anything to stay popular and relevant considering that is, quite literally, all they have going for them as characters in the series and just being characters in general. They may be pieces of shit, but they’re likeable pieces of shit. The dynamics they’ve built upon to be entertaining is encouraged, and they’re basically just roleplaying different skits and fucking around.

All the AUs! All the skits! They’re just playing! They’re just fuckin’ around!! They couldn’t come up with any interesting plot nor could they “graduate” from being anime protagonists and join the real world, so they just fuck around and make a gag anime!

Even if we follow both as the audience, the show makes a difference between the what’s them in their “normal life” (crazy begets crazy, no?) and what’s their “show.” But, really, that’s just one way to look at it, as they don’t really follow any rules as a show. I could say the Joshimatsus are separate characters from the sextuplets, and it’d be a “correct” interpretation. It doesn’t really matter - I’m choosing to examine it all as being the six of them just running around and playing, because being entertaining and having fun is all they know as characters. Besides, having it blended together beyond recognition reinforces how it prioritizes entertaining us, the audience, above logic. Storytelling doesn’t need to make absolute spatial-temporal sense for it to be enjoyable to fans.

In any case, that mentality really seems to be what pushes their character development negative, as they look to reinforce habits and rituals despite them being really detrimental for them in the long run. They know they’re popular characters as is, and with really everyone from staff to fans encouraging this behavior further, so they see no point in fixing what isn’t really broken.

I found this 4 year old article from Manga.Tokyo discussing the Ososan phenomenon in Japan because while the craze died off pretty quickly in American anime circles (which deserves a whole other post), Japanese fans went fuckin’ nuts.

This portion caught my attention, as it makes sense that entitled and enabled asshole children would grow up to be entitled and enabled asshole adults. The article also goes on to compare them to idols (even beyond the F6 spoof) and that they are rooted in being comfort characters above all else. 

It’s worth a read, especially because Japanese fan response is what drives majority of the content post-S1, and, inevitably, ties into their character development. 

They know that they’re Characters, particularly Protagonists. You know what happens to protagonists? Everything works out. Just about every single story created has stuff working out for protagonists. In fact, we have a whole genre made that separates stories with bad tragic endings from our Normal Stories. Ososan is a comedy, not a tragedy, so surely there’s gonna be some payoff somewhere along the road, especially as the seasons and other content are still being pumped out. To a self-aware, entitled, enabled protagonist, assuming everything is just gonna work out for you isn’t that far off from your narrative truth.

However, Ososan is a gag anime, and a lot of gag content (like 4koma mangas) is dropped for other projects before any emotional cathartic ending is provided for characters and fans alike. So, three seasons and a movie later, nothing has happened. It’s a great idol cash cow with a Family Guy filter, and the characters (and writers) don’t even bother to hide it anymore. And I know I’m being hypocritical concerning my definition of “canon material” but I think this portion from one of the drama cds “Choroplex” basically summarizes my point:

CHOROMATSU: Wait, don’t make this into a gag! You don’t even care about becoming employed, right? KARAMATSU: There’s no way that could happen... CHOROMATSU: What kind of future are you imagining? Is it nothing but this? [HUGE PAUSE BEFORE THEY MOVE ONTO SOMETHING ELSE]

They’re parodies of themselves and are running out of ideas. Stagnation and decay is normal, if not unavoidable, at this point in time for them. They’re just 20 somethings who’ve hit a wall but they’re too scared and insecure to bring about permanent positive change. It’s easier for them to fall back into normal patterns and joke off the rest.

They have an antagonistic relationship with expectations. They can’t handle a single iota of expectations, or responsibilities. They’ve never needed to worry before, so why bother now? Once the biggest hits on the block, now they’re just guppies in the ocean, and there’s nothing they believe themselves to be able to accomplish to keep up with this big brave new world. This is epitomized in S3E15, where old man Osomatsu tells a bastardized version of the Tortoise and the Hare, blatantly projecting his feelings onto it. Again, too many screenshots so let me pull more quotes (bolding for my own reference):

“The place that the tortoise thought was the goal was not actually the goal. His journey down the road of life still continued on. The tortoise was quite tired, but he continued running anyway.” “No one actually knew who was in front anymore. There are too many people above you.” “After the tortoise found out how society worked, he thought, ‘So this is the difference in talent? No amount of hard work is going to fix this. All right. I’m done competing with others.’”

S3 has left more questionable endings than its counterparts. The last 2 skits I referenced don’t even a gag to them, and the marriage skit doesn’t play music for the entire second half of S3E5. There’s more involved too. I haven’t even brought up the rice ball twins becoming actual entertainers in their universe, or how they introduced this whole AI subplot only to reject it because All Six Of Them aren’t interested in expanding their little corner of the world. Here’s a transcript of the ending preview from S3E1:

“Hey, hey, Osomatsu here. I thought we were saved from being replaced, but I guess we get new characters next week. Man, we’re busy. New encounters, changing surroundings... We’re NEETs to begin with because all that is a pain. I guess a lot can happen after three seasons. [EPISODE ENDS]”

The sextuplets’ mindsets are extremely self-centered, which is also an environmental thing (the parents don’t even really care that they’re NEETs, for one) and an understanding of what they ought to be (epic successful protagonists). They also have a very black and white mentality, all or nothing. They’re extremely sheltered, and once they realized where they stood in society at large, they just gave up. To them the world is divided between winners and losers, and somehow, “inexplicably,” they found themselves to have fallen from grace. But they’re protagonists, that has to count for something! Everything’s gonna end up okay, right? Well... what this show has told them: No, not at all. They are consistently compared and warned of Iyami, and are perfectly aware of this fact, and have come to internalize it as a truth rather than a reversible self-fulfilling prophecy.

Too many screencaps, taken from the S3S5 marriage discussion:

JYUSHIMATSU: I wonder if we’re gonna get married someday, too. CHOROMATSU: Well, I mean... probably? I’m not exactly sure, but... TODOMATSU: What? You’re gonna get married, Choromatsu-niisan? CHOROMATSU: Huh? Well, yeah... someday.

Surprise! They have commitment issues! The same group that couldn’t commit to a fucking plot! Though their personality issues have several factors involved, I can’t overlook the theater motifs abound. Life’s a stage, and they’re performing entirely unscripted and it shows.

Do I think all of this is 100% intentional on the writers’ part? No, probably not. There’s also an extra layer here regarding contemporary Japanese commentary that I’m not familiar with, so I just ended up focusing on the characters. I can’t be in the writers’ heads, but whatever decisions are being made by executives regarding censorship and “compliance” are reflected in these character changes that result in being significantly more bitter and defeatist.

In the all or nothing, winner-take-all mentality, the only way to save face at this point, in their minds, is to own up to it - act like it’s what they wanted all along. And, hey, it’s funny to watch, right?

“Why is Osomatsu all my examples”, you might be asking. Well, he’s the damn blueprint for it all. The leader of the bunch, the first personality to grab your attention, has had all his issues projected and ricocheted in their echo chamber.

Ultimately, my point here is that you could think their “canon characterizations” (though canon means nothing in a show like this) as being intertwined with the nature of their self-aware existence. They’ve shown you all their tricks, the smoke and mirrors are getting boring, and they’re stalling long enough the story seems to be moving on without them - in spite of them. And when something genuinely threatens their way of life, they don’t know how to respond.

You can play it all straight, of course. Remove the meta jokes and all the same plot points can be hit, but, as a slapstick comedy, it’s able to easily add this additional layer in that I appreciate. I’ve said it in my last post and I’ll probably say it in more, but with comedy comes sincerity - the caveat of all the cartoon violence is that, on some level somewhere, this is how they really feel.

#osomatsu san #osomatsu #karamatsu #choromatsu #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu #osomatsu matsuno #karamatsu matsuno #choromatsu matsuno #ichimatsu matsuno #jyushimatsu matsuno #todomatsu matsuno #analysis #confession this was sparked by a convo i had w friends about s3e18 #this is a bit truncated but i couldnt bring myself to make this longer #maybe ill make a pt2 or whatever idk

[agoddamn]

When did "hyperspace lanes" become a thing, anyway? I get that they're there to be a proxy for traditional territory grabs because the war we're familiar with does not map well to space (I've gone on about this before, cough), but I don't remember them in the movies. I vaguely remember "hyperspace corridor" being tossed around in the EU pre-TCW, but I always got the impression that those were more rough delineations of popular/traversible routes than something you can blockade and hold

Wasn't the test in the Domino Squad ep called the Citadel?

"He's picking and choosing which assignments I can be a part of!" Yes, Ahsoka... that's basic decision-making??

Plo has a logo on his vambrace like Obi-Wan. Sasae Tiin does, too

"It's not his decision when and how I put my life in danger; it should be my choice." Well, the one running the op gets to assess who's gonna be the most useful on the op. Aside from that, though, does the concept of being a minor literally not exist in Star Wars? It would... explain a lot

How on earth did Ahsoka tag along when there were a limited number of freezing machines

This whole episode having the mood of "oh, that willful Ahsoka!" rather than "you compromised this operation and people are dead" is why I don't entertain the "muh child soldiers" argument for more than a second; everything so blatantly runs on kids' show logic where teenagers do all sorts of deadly things because they're marketable

While Ahsoka's explaining herself, Obi-Wan chats with Cody in the background :3c

There's, what...Fives, Echo, Rex, Cody and two or three redshirts here?

The stiff disappointment in Cody's voice at "no jetpacks"

I like how Obi-Wan doesn't have to stop dangling off the edge because this motherfucker has no neck

As someone who's squeezed into small pipes before it's goddamn nerve-wracking. Ahsoka is very chill about all this

RIP Charger

...so it doesn't even matter that Ahsoka snuck them in if they immediately trip the alarm

Oh, there's more redshirts here than I thought

For like half a second when Anakin said "take out security" I thought they'd brought a slicer clone but the guy just fucking shoots a camera, lmao why did I think it would be anything else

RIP Longshot

Huh. It's Cody that stops for Longshot and Obi-Wan who tells him they have to go

>Cody tackles an assassin droid

IS YOUR GUN DECORATIVE??

Rare specific mention of officers, with all of them in one cell. Sucks to be the 99% non-officer crew complement, though

I love that deactivation shit is EXACTLY like KOTOR where someone just has their saber clip into it and uhhh sure that's "off"

"It's going to be impossible to escape" wow, what a quitter

RIP another 212th guy. He's half the man he used to be

In contrast to the usual assumption that Jedi are soft and ignorant, Piell here is...actually pretty OPERATOR. Made the best choices to protect the mission, pushed for the better escape route, never stops to bitch. Poor bastard, being stuck with Tarkin

I like how I can't stand this droid comedy but I find the HK factory hilarious

...the droid calls Artoo Commander. Does Artoo have rank? Is he an officer? I wouldn't put it past Anakin

SHIIIIIELD

Literally the most effective small arms setup in Star Wars and I bet we never see it again

RIP 212th rando #3. They gave up naming the cannon fodder after Longshot I suppose

Ahsoka looks like she has a natural inclination for gymnastics...and maybe a worse sense of smell? Everyone else in here is holding their nose

Tarkin why the fuck are you whining about the Jedi not being hardass enough when you literally have the most operator general, what the fuck

I like how I'm supposed to be extra sad about this dead clone when at least four guys have already bit it with no ceremony. Within thirty seconds Anakin is making quips about big explosions; there might have been a picture of a blasted helmet, but the narrative is untouched by death. A clone dying is not a big enough deal for the narrative to get somber over, so why should I care?

Oh so THIS is where that gif of Cody jumping on the droid and shooting it out from under his own feet is from

RIP to two or three more dudes, though at least one was in greys

Plo has these neat engravings on his rebreather. It's a nice touch, for an assistive device that's a regular part of life to get decorated like a regular part of life

"What if your Jedi friends aren't there when we arrive?" Then you die, like you were going to ANYWAY, fucking hell you're a whiner

"either way, he is a good captain" no he the fuck ain't, keeping up morale is part of being a leader. Has one of Piell's clones even spoken? They've died, but they didn't get to talk

These guys are talking like they found out they're sharing the same sugar daddy

RIP one...two? more of Piell's guys. Couldn't tell if that second one got back up after Piell jumped in front of him

There's two grays left, which means--wait, one of them is Tarkin

THEY WIPED OUT MY WHOLE SQUAD: 卌 ||||

... and the last gray dies for Tarkin. Imagine getting captured, probably tortured, and then dying in the extraction zone to save Tarkin

Oh wait, Fives deserves a tick too (you know, to the best of his knowledge)

THEY WIPED OUT MY WHOLE SQUAD: 卌卌

Touching moral about how sometimes you force your way into a mission you're not qualified for out of ego and damn near everyone dies but you're now the most important part of the mission! Wew

Oh wow, is there one more grey left alive after all? The little clone that could. No, I shouldn't jinx him...

So, to recap: the objectives were to recover Piell and stop the Separatists from getting the coordinates

Piell is dead

Piell's entire officer complement save the world's biggest cockmunch is dead

All of the clone strike team aside from the battalion leaders and Fives are dead

You lost like fifteen guys, including a Jedi, and recovered three people, none of whom were who you were sent to rescue

But they got the coordinates...I guess...

:Wilhelm:

Coburn is Plo's admiral?

Oh my GOD the Plo's Bros noseart is so cute

I like how they're talking about how Anakin and Tarkin are brilliant military men and there's zero mention of how much of this shit got carried by Piell

Is this show...strawmanning...itself?

#boots watches tcw

[skinner17]

Dissecting Red Spider Arc-The arc that non shipper find it disturbingly (For those who mind) Shippy

I’ve been watching gintama for the past couple of weeks. And since lately I encounter sleeping problem, lets turn this energy to talk about one of my favorite arc. The controversial arc that invite polarized opinion among Gintama fans.

For  Tsukuyo fans, Red spider is a certain favorite together with Yoshiwara in flame and Courtesan of the nation.  This arc fleshed her background and deepen her bond with yorozuya, especially Gintoki

For casual fans, this arc is the first time they see a glimpse of gintoki past, The first time  gintoki in a berserk mode, the first time he act by his own volition. And somehow he appeared like a true shonen hero saving the heroine.

By then tsukuyo was far from heroine status. She just recently introduced a couple episodes back. Yoshiwara in flame focused more on Hinowa and seita story. But Tsukuyo already  rose in ranking because her unique character design (in sacchan word, she has a lot of ‘hooks’) aside being badass in general.

For naysayers, Red spider arc is that arc that destroy Tsukuyo character. Reduced her into damsel in distress, mere love interest and what not. Of course its people’s right to interpret a work however they see fit. People enjoying entertainment in a different way afterall. Maybe they are a strict feminist type who wanted a true xena like character?  disappointed when a strong female charachter ended up saved by the male hero? (Tho I wonder why they don’t care with preceeding events where Tsukuyo saved gintoki a couple of time)  

The other would say this arc is such a big jump from previous arcs. A sudden transition they would say. And heck they’re right. Red spider arc  Is different compared to other serious arc before it.  Its lustrously dark, whispery,  not much emphasis on family nor comedy, not much explosion nor machismo.

And more importantly, its uncharacteristically Intimate.  

What do you expect? It took placein Yoshiwara-The Red light District- afterall.

The curtain raised with Jiraiya, the ex teacher of Tsukuyo, the main villain of this arc, On his post coital glow pondering about his object of creation. After enjoying the service of yoshiwara, He looked at the moon and probably feeling another rush of excitement reminiscing his dear beautiful student and the plan he’d set for her.

Not long after, Tsukuyo feel someone dangerous infiltrating her city. She and her Hyakka squad has been working hard to push down the crime that on the rise after the city lost its night king. Nearing their limit, she turned to Yorozuya, wondering if they can help with the drug problem.

Somehow, Tsukuyo and Gintoki teamed up just the two of them investigating the shady group with spider tattoo trademark. The result was assortment of classic romantic comedy skit : To-Love-Ru type of ‘accident’ and pretend couple.

Ok at this point its just natural that people start to see the two as potential couple. When they bicker they’d scream their heart silly, forgetting  whatever  adult persona they had in mind. Yet when the time come, they play along really well with the others bullshit act. They are on the same frequency already.

Back to the story, Later, they found out the drug lord is Jiraiya who apparently the long dead master (teacher who take care of  protegee under their wing) of Tsukuyo. With his unique ability he nearly killed Gintoki and captured Tsukuyo.

Some Naysayers disappointed at this point because Tsukuyo who supposedly a good fighter became useless in front of jiraiya. Ok let me use this opportunity to explain the technicality of how that’s possible.

She was shocked.

It was a surprise attack

Jiraiya, knew his student fighting ability the best and knew how to immobilize her.

Even Gintoki Almost killed because of his weird technique

She used the last of her strength to saved gintoki from jiraiya’s final blow.

“Huh? But gintoki didn’t turned into a useless mess when he met his long dead master alive?”

Lol what are you smoking? The old master  would split gintoki’s head from his body if not because Kagura’s help.  Also Utsuro/Shouyo goal was to crushed the rebels and nothing to do with Gintoki. While Jiraiya’s goal was to capture Tsukuyo. Understand the difference?  

Ok now that its out of my system lets continue.

Later Gintoki learned about the nature of Jiraiya and what this student-master relationship actually are from Zenzou. She-who believed every word of him and followed his foot step- was his creation and his prey at the same time. This method is sickening for Gintoki who loved his master to death.

For Gintoki a master should be more or less like shoyo. Strong, kind, wise and selfless. The kind of sage who gave his life for his student. Its infuriating to learn that a good women like tsukuyo has a psychotic monster as a master.

“see..Its not because of Tsukuyo that gintoki willingly revert to his shiroyasa self. Its because the master-student thingie that made him mad af”

Was the stuff I read from naysayers.  And for this one, I kinda agree. The main thing that infuriate gintoki about Jiraiya was that he used  master student relationship for some psychotic goal. As we know later, whenever topic about his own master brought on, Gintoki turned into a different beast.

Even I can see this arc’s intent beside telling tsukuyo’s past and cementing her as one of the recurrent character was also to foreshadow  Shoyo related arcs in the future.

However among all of that baggage brought by this arc, theres this one dialogue that caught my attention.

G : "give up already, theres nothing in your web. This entire time there was only a pathetic little spider spinning thread into sky while gazing at distant moon"

J : "What are you babbling about?I already knew that long ago"

The ones who ascociate Tsukuyo with the moon are the one who cherish her like hinowa and the hyakka squad  or the bastard who obsessed at her like Jiraiya. It’s a secret nickname people gave to her beside Shinigami Tayuu / courtesan of death. Wt  

At that  moment, Gintoki  speak about what Tsukuyo is to Jiraiya existence : A moon to a little insignificant spider. This confirm that Gintoki understand Tsukuyo’s epithet-wich means at that point of story he is familiar toward  Tsukuyo more than the viewers aware of.

To add, This is probably just me but the way he said that stuff about Jiraiya, whispering  while gazing at the sky, as if its applied to him aswell.  

Well, I just think that because throughout the fight he keep rambling about being on the same level as Jiraiya.

G: Do you know how to survive the spider nest? By eating the spider.

G : She is stronger than you ever be. A coward like me is enough for a coward like you

To Fight Jiraiya, Gintoki  drew parrarel between himself and Jiraiya. And its not impossible that parrarel extended until that moment.    

I  came to the conclusion At that moment Gintoki  already  admire Tsukuyo. Wether  her virtue, her  face, her quirk  or her phisycal attractiveness, it could be anything. The fact is Tsukuyo basically embodies everything gintoki like in a women.   

However because of his mindset and his self sabotaging lifestyle, he understood Jiraiya’s point of view of admiring an existence that is too good for them.

The episode ended with Tsukuyo learning his master’s past  and accepting his flaw after killing him. The moment when Gintoki implied that he would never be a good student to their master as tsukuyo is pretty touching too.

The last episode of this arc is a short one with majorly comedic skits. Another To Love Ru accident. And  a classic wingman setup to force a couple to be alone together.

Lol too much couply stuff happening in this arc.

Later after the crazy terminator drunken stupor, Tsukuyo asked gintoki if she didn’t has this scar, would her life be any different?

At this point I realize the pain endured by her, even though she said she was fine, physically and mentally, she actually struggling with the realization that all her past was something different than she perceived to be, that rather than genuine student master relationship, its an elaborate plan by her master to kill himself.

Its like realizing that we are adopted after all this time living in a loving family. From the surface it might not changed anything because its all in the past, But it changed everything within. It changed the foundation  of what we stood upon all these time.

Gintoki then assured her that her life is one that she choose, No one make her choose that. wether it’s  driven by a psychotic manipulation or a trust in a teacher who wanted make her strong. The life is still hers to behold and cherish

Gintoki further assured that her face Is not ugly, Its pretty face carrying clean soul. Or something to that effect (since translation vary)

As you see “Soul” is the overarching concept on Gintama. Its like “Adventure” on One piece and “Hard Work” On Naruto. It’s the Idea that the shounen protagonist holds dear.  

Shoyo first teaching to Gintoki was  how to protect his soul. In the war Gintoki choose to kill Shoyo to save his master’s soul. Means he choose Shoyo over his friends and himself. In effect, one of the friend’s soul was corrupted. While Gintoki turned himself into a vessel  whose purpose was merely to protect people he deemed fit and procasinating on his own growth.

Gintoki speak about Tsukuyo’s soul in her face is another testament of how deep their trust and bond has formed. 

Even though Gintoki has innate ability to peek into the human character, its not his fashion to directly address it. He usually find a roundabout way to make the others understand that they are being understood. But with Tsukuyo, everything he do about her  is direct.

“Don’t be a stranger, Lean on me, laugh with me and cry with me. I’d be there, cry and laugh with you ” Said Gintoki to tsukuyo.

 The Gintoki who often avoid emotional baggage from a stranger.

In conclusion, Red Spider Arc is such an awesome arc. The vibe is cool, the soundtrack is awesome and its has an intense emotionally charged action.

It is also the breeding ground for gintsu shipper, wich probably gonna make some part of fandom upset. But it is what it is and we can just enjoy or choose not to.

#gintama #Tsukuyo #gintoki #Gintoki x Tsukuyo #Red Spider arc #gintsu #gintsuki #dissecting #love this arc so much i need it to get out of my system

[mejomonster]

Youtube recced me this trailer for a drama called Phoenix warriors and I thought maybe this is something that you can dig youtu.be/ZZPgD2A9voE I haven't watched it, I don't know if it's worth watching or not, but only for the scifi in ancient fantasy China set up is worth a shot.

first of all, OKAY LOOKS LIKE I'M CHECKING IT OUT

i have not heard of this, and there is always the chance its a total hot mess. you are completely write though in that I rarely ever see sci fi cdramas let alone fantasy combo ones (sci fi fantasy mash is my fave genre and of course to no surprise Guardian is near and dear to my heart)

Phoenix Warriors trailer: https://youtu.be/ZZPgD2A9voE

Phoenix Warriors ep 1: https://youtu.be/DSX6D-tsdX0

However - idk how much we will like it. so i will maybe just check out one ep :c I just looked it up on mydramalist and apparently the alien spaceship is in only one scene, the sci fi elements are rarely mentioned, and the drama is mostly Historical/Romance/Tragedy. Now... this was a mydramalist recommendation though so who knows if the show's way better than that, which is sometimes the case. Reviews do say the lead actress did amazing. They also said the overall story is good, the ending is sad which was most people's mixed opinions. For most people the lack of sci fi wasn't an issue (though I kind of lol want sci fi ToT)

(i am always up for mutant, sci fi, sci fi/fantasy mash recommendations if you see any! I already know of: Guardian - very good mix of sci fi/Fantasy and one of my fave shows ever, Bureau of Transformer - sci fi modern era very Star Trek or In The Flesh esque and written intensely well, Rattan - pretty grounded about the mutants premise and very realistic vibe in general, Fairyland Lovers - actually this ones SUPER good they actually kind of play with the extraterrestrial idea and a mix of comedy/heaviness, Demon Girl - I heard its a mutant premise in republican era but haven't seen it yet)

For a sci fi fantasy mash I DO know is a fun time: L.O.R.D. Critical World. Featuring Zhang Ming En as the cutest bastard joxer-like character ever, surprisingly gay, includes a bdsm princess who won't chill whom I love, includes the girl who was in a romance with Sunglasses from the Lost Tomb Reboot who plays a badass here, just in general has some intense Xena smashed with Drakengard vibes. Zhang Ming En's character is kidnapped a lot, the show is comedy and darkness combined and will just be so ridiculously dumb then punch your heart. It's by no means the 'best quality' but its entertaining and Something and managed to suck me in. It's also the only 'old fantasy'/sci fi mashup I cdrama I can think of - which is part of why it reminds me of Xena (old-fantasy/historical-ish but also gods and magic) and Drakengard (heavy fantasy-historical esque vibes but some weird sci fi stuff throughout). Also just the tone - slapstick comedy in a bleak af reality, that sometimes gets to your heart (Drakengard's fucked up party members and dark setting but comedic at times, Xena being so slapstick but set in a warlord torn world with character losses that shatter you, pretty gay).

also apparently??? Main Lord Silver in LORD Critical World is ALSO a main guy in Phoenix Warriors! (Maybe he tends to pick sci fi/fantasy mash stories, in which case I should look into his works more lol)

#phoenix warriors #rec list #to watch #replies #anonymous #i wish i was getting YOUR youtube recs lol #its so hard to find sci fi cdramas

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck: My Valentine Ghoul Review aka A Bad Episode Even by Valentine’s Day Episode Standards

Welcome back Darkwings of the Night. It’s time to go back to St. Canard for the very review that got me to finish up my look at the episodes that should’ve lead up to Just Us Justice Ducks and the episode itself last month. While I probably COULD have reviewed this one before finsihing that as continuity’s pretty loose here, I wanted to see Negaduck’s proper introduction first. So was it worth it?

Yeah while I was glad to get one of my retrospectives done and free up some room for other stuff, this episode..was an objective disapointment and might be even worse than “Brush with Oblivion”. If your curious to know why and aren’t already lobbing a harpoon at me for bashing an episode you liked, join me under the cut. 

On PAPER this episode sounded really good. Negaduck trying to seduce Morgana back to crime and in general after Darkwing once again neglected her is not at all a bad premise and the in episode conflict of Darkwing’s obnoxious supscioson of his girlfriend being an ex con, COULD’VE been really interesting. But there’s a reason Could’ve was in all caps folks: This episode is not very well put together and it’s gender politics have aged like fine santa liquor left split in a bathtub surronded by toxic waste for 20 years, and tastes just as bad. Trust me I know. My colon still hasn’t recovered. So let’s get into WHY shall we? 

So we open with a date in a graveyard with Darkwing and Morgana, unsuprisingly though Darkwing isn’t the fondest of their meal which... look like someone scrambled the Star-Spawn of Cthulu. He’s going to be pissed.. especially once I try some. Look i’m very curious and very hungry. 

But things take a turn when Darkwing brings up diamonds, because he’s fully insensitive enough to bring them up in front of his girlfriend. She does take the truth in stride: he’s not proposing he’s simply hung up on a case of diamonds going missing, and no solution and thus might have to cut the date short. She offers to go with him but he shoots her down, saying the last time she helped she turned him into a rutabega.. instead of you know TRAINING her and helping her on her aim.  Then the episode looses me.. and about how long into the episode are we exactly? Not taking the theme song into acount?

Yup. It takes around 2 minutes, with some change. for the episode to become absolutley terrible. But first off Morgana suddenly flies off the table claming he dosen’t trust her for being a former criminal and zaps him in vengance.. which is assualt. Cartoony assault sure but it still hurts and his reactoin is STILL pure feer as he’s turned into some kind of ball... I mean.. it’s not like he can’t fight crime like that. Some of the best have done it. 

But still she goes to physical violence at the drop of a hat this episode and Darkwing seems more than a little afraid of that happening again. Just... wow.  I thought, having finished the Legend of the Three Cablleros, i’d be done with writing so poor a character comes off as a domestic abuser, mental in that case phsyical here, but here we are. Now this is untetional so I don’t blame the writers as much.. but I still heft some blame on them for being SO bad at writing a woman that she can’t get angry without phsyically attacking her partner or grasping the implications there. 

Oh and it gets worse. Yes, it somehow gets worse from “Morgana attacking darkwing for upsetting her”. Darkwing proves to be pretty vile himself, as when Morgana accuses him of not trusting her due to her criminal past.... he says “You know what they say once a crook always a crook. “

My.. fucking.. god.... the show is stacking unfortunate implications on top of itself like lego bricks. And yes attitudes towards prisoners were much worse back then, I get that. Dosen’t make it tolerable to HEAR someone spouting that bullshit, let alone our protaganist. And while it doesn’t make her right to shoot lighting at him, as she does after this or attack him before... it does mean he’s a massive, mentally abusive dick who refuses to trust his partner who reformed FOR HIM, just because she used to do crimes. It takes a special kind of bad writing to screw up so badly that two of your heroes are immensley unikeable in the span of minutes but they did. CONGRADULATIONS DUMBASS!

So yeah Morgana breaks up with him and he tries to go after her  and Gosalyn, who was there the whole time with eek and squeak,  decides she needs to get the two back together. 

I mean at least Gosalyn MEANS well. As a result despite her helping them not being a good idea, she’s one of the most likeable characters in the episode. At least for now. The most likeable?

Yes. REALLY. Now granted he’s as much of a bastard as always; After seeing Morg’s tantrum he wants to seduce her back to evil to help with his diamond scheme, unsurprisingly he’s the one stealing them and his plan to do so.. is not all that bright as he fakes being good to get into her good graces.. forgetting that he’s going to need to show her he’s bad again for any of his plan to work, as during the climax i’ts revealed he’s using a candy company as a front for diamond smuggling. Now granted that.. is actually really clever as no one’s going to think to check a shipment of choclate boxes for diamonds unless their tipped off and he even mentions starting a candy company earlier, so that being his scheme dosen’t come out of left field and i’ts  a clever misdirect that you’d THINK he was lying about the Candy Company.  But while Negsy doesn’t’t escape the contagious case of stupidity everyone’s got this episode, he’s still entertaining as ever and Jim cummings manages to make saying “Well be the best of pals” pants crappingly terrifiying. So Negaduck is a delight as always even if his plan makes little sense, as his way of going about it is still clever: he fakes being good and both uses this to make darkwing jealous, thus making him seem irational, and to provide a shield and also forces himself on their valentine’s date. He even gets past Morgana rightfully beign supsicous by playing to her past. So yeah not the best plan OVERALL but damn if he still isn’t awesome.  They visit a carnival, ah feels like home, though this one has a freak show where MORGANA feels like she’s home. After trying to fry Darkwing and making him look like the bad guy Negaduck manages to seperate the two in the tunnel of love then use darkwing’s own jackassery against him by claming he left saying once a crook always a crook. He hten.. comes on way too strong, first asking if she’s thought about going back to crime when they get back to her place and then isn’t resceptive when he just tries to fully turn on the charm. Oh and Darkwing walks in and thinks his gilrfriend is cheating despite her not returning Negaducks affections because he’s a douchebag.  Gosalyn is in the house at the same time as after Negaducks earlier deception, Eek and Squeak flew her back to Morgana’s house to use the Necronomiduck, which talks like he just walked out of Beast’s house because of course he does, and gets a love potion.. which they accidently spray on Darkwing instead. So we do get one of the few GOOD parts of the episode where Darkwing acts all buddy buddy to negaduck and Negaduck even gets rid of him just by telling him to go jump off a cliff. And the combination of Drake acting all sachrine again, much like posiduck, and Negaduck’s clear annoyance and confusion is just comedy gold. 

Sadly that ends and Drake returns and a fight breaks out with Morgana accidently freezing darkwing and when trying to freeze negaduck, he simpy reflects it back the obsconds with her ice cube. 

While Gosalyn and co thaw her dad out, Negaduck explains the whole choclate scam and Morgana refuses and they fight, with Negaduck covering her in chocolate.. then darkwing when he shows up as you’d expect. Darkwing however has buzzsaw cufflinks, a wonderful 60′s batman type gag, and saves them both.. btu the love potion ends up on Gosalyn who covers her dad and possible step mom in frosting

Thankfully it wears off fast, and morgana gets the idea to put the love potion, which is air born into the gas gun, finally getting Darkwing to trust her and blasting Negaduck, then suckerpunching him when he gets close. Oh and despite her plan being VERY obvious , Darkwing STILL questions her flirting with the guy. 

So the day is saved and we end with him questioning her order at dinner that night and her .. attacking him. And Gosalyng saying “Well you always hurt the ones you love”

Final Thoughts: .I do not like this episode. I do not like it on a moat, on a boat or with a goat or in any way shape or form even though that breaks the ryhme. Reviewing it only had me finding MORE problems with it. Morgana and Darkwing are so unsympathetic here, with her violence towards him making it seem like “Aw all couples are just the woman chasing the man around with the frying pan.. or lighting bolts in this case” even though that’s sexist as hell at BEST and makes light of domesdtic abuse towards men at worst.  Darkwing gets off no better, being THAT kind of asshole who assumes just because someone used to be a criminal they always will be. Which even in pastiche makes no sense as I can name tons of superheroes, a who USED to be criminals or villians: Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow, Luke Cage (Before becoming a superhero), Scott Lang Ant-Man, Hal Jordan Green Lantern, Cassandra Cain, Simon Baz, Mach 10, Songbird, Quicksilver, Rogue, Wonder Man, and Emma Frost. And that’s not getting into the number of heroes, including many on this list, who went evil fo ra bit and came back from it.. some of whom are on this list. Usually his black and white insanity schick works but the episode does nothing to punish him for it and instead makes Morgana seem just as irrational by attacking him. 

While this episode dosen’t use the love potion badly, thank god, with morgana even calling it a bad idea.. i’ts all I can give it outside of negaduck. The love potion and negaduck gags are both great.. but everything else is just so toxic and odious it makes it very hard to enjoy. And so.. this wins the DUBIOUS honor of being the worst Darkwing Duck episode i’ve seen so far. The plot’s weak, filled with horrible outdated ideas even by the time this was made, and no one is likeable, even Negaduck wears out his once he starts getting a bit too pushy with morgana. All in all a waste of potetial and a good episode. Until the next rainbow, this episode can step on a rusty railroad spike and get tetnus. 

#darkwing duck #drake mallard #gosalyn mallard #morgana macawber #negaduck #jim staring #disney #disney plus #valentine's day #ducks

[bitofthisandthat]

//Severely hot take; There needs to be more Animation on Fox representation in the Tumblr RPC, besides The Simpsons and Bob's Burgers. Before you, I've seen just one Futurama muse and one Family Guy (Bender and Consuela, respectively). The rest of the AoF muses I've seen muns pick up, have just been from the two shows that like to remind people that they are living a Life in Hell.

{ MAN I miss the Futurama fandom. Those rp’ers had nerves of steel. Imma spit some HARD TRUTHS that I know most people in the rpc are afraid to say outside of private chats, but I won’t be bullied or quieted. I love being my age because I D G A F.  So, I’ll speak the common truth for those too afraid of being blacklisted. Because I’m used to going through periods of radio silence for my observations. :PPPPP I’ve been on dumblr since 2011. Nothing scares me off for good. Pshhhhhhh. 

Tbh? 3-5 yrs ago there were way more rp’ers in general here. The RPC also had way more variety too!! Every kind of genre and fandom, and if one part of your fandom was shit, no worries, there was probably 4 other sections of it that were awesome. But the antis and pissbabies chased a majority of rp’ers and FANDOMS off, and no, Virginia, they didn’t leave because of the p0rn ban. ( Some did, but they came back because that’s a pisspoor reason to quit WRITNG adult material. ) 

SO YES. Agreed! 200000%. 

Francine is exiled to the wings, waiting for action, but this site is too whiny and fragile to handle most of Fox animation. Everything is “problematic” or “offensive” and has to be cancelled for the slightest infraction to their delicate little sensibilities and harming of their chronic narcissism. They LOVE R&M, which is a head scratcher, because that show is psychologically FUCKED UP and checks off all their alleged “triggers.” Guess that’s why they like it. They relate to its selfish nihilism. 

Side note: My MTL muses got bastardized by the “Nu-Fans.” They turned a hardcore deathmetal/horror “toxic male” comedy into My Little fucking Pony. But that’s also part of the problem why you don’t see American Dad or Family Guy rp’ers here. Love or hate Seth, he 100% believes in NO CENSORSHIP and FREE SPEECH FOR ALL. ...And censorship/woke-wash is tumblr.com’s bread and butter.

Sadly, a chunk of the remaining RPC ( Not all, not all, not all ) wants all entertainment to be one big romper room of pokemon pillowed walls and cat videos and skinny loves and whatever woke! trend is popular atm. That’s not conducive to creativity nor is it what it means to be free and fun. Newsflash! More than one taste and opinion exist outside of dumblr rpc. But SHHH don’t tell anyone that, it’ll spook them into a tantrum of epic proportions. Remember those kids 10-15 yrs ago you saw pitching tantrums in the grocery aisle while their parents gave in and bought them whatever they wanted to shut them up? Surprise! They’re grown ups now and on tumblr. 

TL; DR: So yeah. Forever frustrated I don’t have Futurama, KoH, AD, or Family Guy rp’ers to play with. I’d KILL for a Stan, Roger, Hayley, Steve, Jeff, and Klaus. }

#hey nony nonny #asks #ooc #MUN OPINION #{ If you are offended and bothered easily don't even click that readmore } #{ If you do and are scandalized that's on YOU. Hey I stuck my opinion under there to preserve the dash; I did my due diligence. }

[biznichwrites]

Consider the following: our demon boy meeting a lady so in the modern era?

Points for originality bb :)

In a separate ask anon added details that the reader be American or European, have a defining feature seen as negative (I chose a scare because it's sad boi Sabito hours), a the reader in her young 20s

He's been alive for 100 or so years, so he's not the oldest demon out there but he's not a baby either

He's gained his human memories back fully but feels as if they are like an old dream or memories formed by stories someone told him. It's not like they are his own at times

He's seen a lot and the world has changed so much. He decided to wander the world and see beyond what he thought was possible. Eternity was going to be a sad, long forever if he didn't do something to entertain him

He met you in passing, actually while you were at work/running errands. Something about you made him take interest, particularly a scar across your cheek. It reminded him a bit of Sabtio, even if it wasn't in the same place

You happened to fumble what you were doing and were struggling to fix it, but he helped you. The first thing that struck you were his eyes. You'd never seen someone with such blue eyes in your life and mindlessly told him so before curling in on yourself in embarrassment. You gave him your number and ran off to regret your whole life somewhere else

He made his way into your life slowly, coming to visit and hang out with you. Sometimes he stressed about you finding out his secret or growing to hate him for what he is

So when he teased the subject of demons, specifically the type he is, you jokingly said it sounded like a vampire or something from Tokyo Ghoul. He didn't know if he even liked being compared to that subconsciously but he wasn't going to breathe a word of that to you. However it seemed the folklore of demons in your culture was focused around angry red beings with horns and a tail, poking people with a pitchfork after they died, so you didn't even consider demons real. 

Some things he did seemed off, but you assumed that it was because he wasn't from the same place you were. Probably the joys of a new culture and language right? Still, that didn't ease the weird feeling in your gut when he would show amazing strength. 

He goofed. He goofed so bad, but for a good reason. You were on a date, walking through the streets at night. He didn't think much of you having a few drinks but a stumble into the street was a problem. A car was coming and he had seen since their creation what they could do to someone if hit.

He snatched you up but the car hit his side. But he is a big boi and that bitch CRUMPLED UP big time. Like that car is totaled and at worst the both of you had some scratches. 

He prayed that you had drank too much to remember the next day but after a few days you brought it up, saying you KNEW you hadn't imagined it, after all you had bruises where he held you but he was fine. 

He had to admit what he was and it was an all day experience trying to pry it out of him. 

Demon boy didn't want to look in your eyes. It was going to be trouble. You were going to hate him or try to find a way to kill him. 

"You've never eaten anyone, have you?" 

That shocked him. But you explained your logic that if he wanted to hurt you, he could have done so a long time ago. And you dying that night would be an easy way to excuse your death. But he protected you. 

Over a few months he explained his old human life to you and to his surprise you were all ears. Every little thing he brought up interested you and he couldn't deny how happy it made him. 

You accepted him for what he is! And when you tell him you love him after everything he feels like he can die of joy

 He takes you back to his village, he shows you his old sword and everything he kept from his old life. He even puts his haori on you. 

Okay but since you're not Japanese he totally enjoys how much you struggle to put on a kimono. But before you get frustrated he will place and tie it correctly. And boom, it's old haori time and he loves it

Tbh he's gonna take you where his sister was supposed to be wed and ask you to marry him

He's busting out the sister/Sabito haori for the wedding and he's not even a little bit sorry. If finding someone else he loves so dearly isn't the occasion, then when would it be?

He never looks down on you for not having life experience. He's willing to teach you anything as long as you're willing. 

He's like an old man texting. He doesn't get it. In fact he will call you to reply to a text. He can't even believe phones work, much less cell phones, especially when you can send pictures. The internet is a scary place for him. It's pretty overwhelming and he find himself going down rabbit holes of information that just wasn't discovered before. 

He thinks the new generations are amazing. Look how much all of you have discovered! And how smart people are! So young! He's so proud of all of you. 

The moon landing rocked his world and he will tell you about it all the time. And medical cures, too. He gets pretty happy thinking about how humanity has helped itself so much. 

He doesn't really know how to drive tbh. He just never learned. You have to teach him technology, or how to best use it. He will grumble when he thinks it makes no sense and nope out if he can. Don't let him. 

Call him grandpa Giyuu, it'll motivate him to get "lit" with the new times. 

Giyuu using slang. Wrong. Every damn time. "It's litty 5000 in here". He's trying to say it's hot. "Dunk on the haters, drip drip" means don't let them talk bad about your clothes. It's a fucking comedy show. There's a theory he does it bad on purpose to make you laugh but it's not confirmed. 

Calls Twitter "Twatter" with a straight face

He thought that thots were animals. He was wondering why it's always breeding season for them. 

He can speak many languages but he mixes then together because he didn't use anything but Japanese for so long. Every time he says "nein" for no you play the Inglorious Bastards clip. 

One last thing for sad boi hours: as you get older he will use what powers he has to age with you so you don't feel bad. He really does want to grow old with you.

#ask #giyuu #giyuu tomioka #giyuu x reader #giyuu tomioka x reader #kny imagine #kny x reader #kny giyuu x reader #Anonymous #demon au #biznichwrites

[space-------kid]

can’t keep my hands (off you).

Anime/Manga: One Punch Man Pairing: Garou/fem!Reader Additional pairing/characters: platonic Metal Bat/fem!Reader, Zenko, mentions of other heroes such as Saitama, Watchdog Man, etc. Genre: Romance, comedy Warning: Absolute silliness. Language – Garou and reader both ate rainbows for breakfast. Dumbassery. Teeth-rotting fluff, maybe? Reader is hella strong like Saitama. Half-assed spice because you’re good at cockblocking Garou despite being low-key thirsty for him. And LOTS of dumbassery from the reader, most probably. Additional tag: Dream-based fic, canon-divergent, Garou is horny af A/N: This is supposed to be a lengthy one-shot, but I’m a dumbass who can’t keep my word so the supposedly one-shot isn’t a one shot anymore.  Now I have to worry how I should properly divide all those parts (I mean, they’re already divided, but–) 😅 Happy New Year! *snicker*

You and Garou continue being friends. And he still couldn’t get enough of your thighs, damn it.

Summary:

Your life had its general ups and downs, pros and cons, the good and the bad.

You were admittedly a coward and afraid of being targeted by people for it. Following the advice of your (best) friend you trained hard, like, FUCKING hard, and now you’re blessedly, utterly strong you can take down enemies with just one hit. A good thing, really. Can’t let any bad guy harass you or something.

But-

You were probably cursed with the biggest, baddest of luck. Not only were monsters chasing you, suddenly there was this fucking hot bastard weirdo who kept on calling himself the Hero Hunter. “I’m not a hero, goddamn it!”

i. and ii. | iii. and iv. | v. | vi. | [more to be added]

“i can’t keep my

hands

off…!”

- can’t keep my hands off you/simple plan

vii.

You were acting skittish around him, and not because of his constant teasing.

Garou was secretly thankful that you weren’t stupid like other people despite being such a dumbass sometimes. He liked that you were being straightforward with him, and it was something that he could appreciate at the moment.

He also loved liked the fact that despite coming to terms that he was indeed the wanted Hero Hunter, you never actually banned him from going in and out of your home as he pleased.

“I mean, I really am a dumbass, right?” you were telling him as he watched you cooked dinner for the both of you. Garou had uncharacteristically held off his hero hunting to discuss things with you, and he could see how relieved you were about it.

“You already told me yourself who you are the first time we met and here I am, still surprised that I’m actually letting the Hero Hunter inside my home!” you continued. Your expression turned contrite when you turned to look at him. “B-But that didn’t mean that you’re not allowed here anymore! I’m just too shocked by my sheer dumbassery to actually- a-and you’re just beating heroes up and not killing them, I heard, so… fuck my logic, right? But as long as you’re not outright murdering anyone, I don’t have the right to tell you to stop doing whatever you want with your life, right? I know you don’t need someone telling you that and-“

He shouldn’t even be here in your house right now. He should’ve left the moment you broached the topic about his identity. But just as Garou thought that you would ask him not to return anymore or else you’d call for help (not that you needed it, anyway), here you were: telling him that he was still free to come and go to your home as he pleased.

What kind of a coward would let a wanted criminal to enter their home as they pleased? A dumbass, you said it yourself.

“If you’re scared of telling me to leave, don’t be,” Garou told you insouciantly. “All you gotta do is ask, jeez.”

You shot him a dumbfounded look at quickly shook your head. “Why would I do that?” you asked him, flabbergasted. “I told you already that you’re still allowed here, did I?”

He frowned at you, steadily feeling annoyed by the wary light in your eyes and how it contradicted with your shaky yet genuine words. Could you decide which of the two you would remove off of you already?

“Then decide if you should be scared or sincere already, for fuck’s sake!” he barked at you, making you squeak and nearly drop the ladle you were holding. Garou caught the thing when you threw it at him in retaliation, glaring half-heartedly and pouting at him.

“I AM sincere, you dork! And maybe I’m just feeling scared because I don’t want my best friend to throw me in jail himself or beat you up because he might think that-“

You stopped talking, looking as if you said something that you shouldn’t have and turned your back to him. Garou narrowed his eyes at your behaviour, curiosity gleaming in his golden eyes.

Why did you just suddenly sport that ‘shit I fucked up’ expression?

The self-proclaimed Hero Hunter crossed the distance between the two of you in a few quick strides and corralled you against the kitchen counter, arms caging you between his body and the countertop in front of you. Garou could see your body tense at the proximity, couldn’t stop himself from admiring your exposed skin thanks to your hair tied up in a messy bun and the tank top you were wearing. He was so close, he could practically nuzzle his nose against your neck should he dip his head down to your level-

Nope, not now, though. He had a curiosity to sate at the moment.

“And why would your best friend beat me up, huh? Lock you up in jail?” he questioned, raising a brow at you when you peeked up at him over your shoulder. Garou fought the urge to grin at your flushed face but he wasn’t opposed to the idea of flustering you further.

Wait a damn moment. How did he get from teasing you in hopes of awakening the thing that took over your body to defend yourself TO teasing you just to see how you looked like while blushing?

Oh, right. You and your fucking thighs, Garou answered himself. But back to more current pressing matters….

You looked away again and stuttered a reply.

“B-Because he m-m-might want t-to! C-Can’t anyone do t-that?” was your shitty excuse.

Man, you could really be a dumbass.

Garou leaned his body towards you, his broad chest touching your back. You let out a surprised squeak at the contact, trying but failing not to take notice of the hard planes of his muscles against the fabric of your clothes.

“[Name],” he whispered in your ear. The gasp he elicited from you sounded so good, and Garou could feel his self-control slipping just a tiny bit. He bit back a groan when you pressed your back against his chest in an attempt to push him off of you.

“C-Come on, haven’t you heard o-of citizen’s a-a-arrest or s-something?” you yelled at him indignantly, your voice turning up a pitch higher in your panic. “Bat is just-“

“Bat?” Garou asked you, perplexed. Did he just mishear you, or…? “I thought you said your best friend’s name was Badd?”

You hurriedly turned around to face him and planted your hands on his chest, pushing him away weakly. Garou, however, didn’t budge and kept his questioning gaze on you.

“That’s what I said! Badd!” you lied frantically, eyes shut tight as you continued your feeble attempts. Damn, where was your strength when you needed it?

Too bad for you, Garou was secretly the sharpest tool in the shed. He was quick to pick up on the erratic pitch of your voice and sudden ungainly body language. “He’s a hero, ain’t he? Your best friend?”

“He’s not!”

You could lie all you want, but you’re not fooling him anymore.

Garou should be angry. He really should. After all, being lied to was one of the things he hated the most. But the reason for your deceit was not to harm anyone – he could clearly see that you were hell-bent into uttering a falsehood just so you could protect your (hero) best friend as well as Garou himself. Not that he needed your protection, but-

He almost smiled at the concern you were inadvertently showing him. More so when he heard what you had to say next.

“He’s not!” you lied still. “And what if he is? I-I can’t let my friends beat each other up, you dummy!”

Ah. Garou should have expected that you two were way past being acquaintances with how much he had been frequenting your home and interacting with you. The thought of being friends with you struck a chord in him that had long since fallen asleep ever since he was bullied as a kid.

You might be a dumbass sometimes, but you were still quite welcoming despite all the previous scares and continuous teasing he put you up with. And aside from making it his goal to fluster you (as his stupid teenage hormones commanded him), Garou found the companionship rather… nice. Not that spending time with that kid at the park and reading the Hero Guide Booklet together wasn’t something he wouldn’t call a form of camaraderie. Maybe spending time with someone his age without having a care in the world was something he sort of sought and found in you.

Garou had no qualms being a lone wolf, but he won’t deny that human interaction  – well, aside from beating heroes up, that is – was a nice change of pace in the life he now led as the Hero Hunter.

You were a coward, but you were never judgmental. And that was one of the things he quite liked about you, if truth be told, other than your perfect thighs-

And there went his mind again. He had seen women sexier and much prettier than you, so why were you the only one who piqued this kind of interest on him, the kind that he usually didn’t even bother entertaining?

And you calling him friend right now wasn’t exactly helping-

“Are you gonna beat my best friend up, then? If I tell you he’s a hero?”

Garou blinked at your distressed question and leaned down at you, grabbing your wrists and placing your arms around his shoulders while he grinned at you playfully.

“I don’t even know which of those damned heroes is your friend,” he told you jauntily. “Ah! Maybe the reason why you didn’t tell me is because he’s weak? Scared I’ll beat him to a pulp, [Name]?”

He was just making fun of you, you told yourself. But Garou implying that your best friend wouldn’t hold his own against the silver-haired male pushed you into your protective mode. People could badmouth you all they wanted, but to hell with it if they demean your number one supporter and his little sister!

“How dare you?! Badd is way stronger than me! He can beat you up real easily!” you angrily defended your best friend. Not realizing that Garou was riling you up into telling you who Badd really was, you unwittingly took the bait and could only stop yourself the last second.

“He’ll beat you up and it’ll be a piece of cake for him ‘cause he’s Metal Ba-“

Hurriedly, you stopped yourself and pulled your arms off of him to cover your mouth with your hands. Eyes the size of the moon, you winced when Garou gave you a look as if he’d hit the jackpot.

“Ding, ding! And so she finally tells me who her best friend is,” he tells you in a sing-song manner, grin splitting from ear to ear now. “And what a surprise, he turns out to be S-Class, rank 15!”

The look you gave him was full of annoyance at being one-upped and ire directed at your own folly. You covered your face to muffle the frustrated whine bubbling from your throat and mindlessly shoved your head on his chest.

Caught off guard at your sudden movement, Garou raised his hands but not quite knowing what to do with them. He settled for patting your head with one hand, his ears turning pink when you unconsciously purred(?) like a cat at the action.

“You’re gonna hunt him now, aren’t you?” you asked him, your voice muffled. “You’re gonna hunt Badd, and there’s nothing I could do to stop you from doing so.”

Garou huffed, hand still petting your hair gently. “Yep. Nothin’ you can do about it.”

This was it. Guess he had to cut your friendship short since he didn’t really want to make you choose between some guy you just met recently and the one you call your best friend.

He was the Hero Hunter, and you were a civilian with a pro-hero for a best friend.

What an uncanny arrangement.

You shuffled slightly and craned your neck to look up at him, your eyes wide and imploring. “Can I make a request, though? Like, don’t try to kill Badd, maybe? Since there’s no stopping you from being the Hero Hunter and I can’t exactly dictate you to drop the act…”

Garou gaped at you, face filled with incredulity. Did you just give him the permission to fight your best friend as long as he didn’t commit murder? And did you just imply that you accepted him for who he was?

And it’s as if Garou was actively trying to kill those he beat up

He watched as your eyes filled with awe and admired the way your cheeks turned red when he smiled at you – and a genuine one at that. Garou squished your cheeks with his hands and lowered his face to yours, his smile turning roguish when you blushed harder at the proximity.

“And what if Metal Bat kills me, huh? Don’t you think that’s a bit unfair?” he questioned. “Can’t make a request like that if it’s gonna put me at a disadvantage, y’know. But… I might be willing if-”

One of his hands crept down and poked your thighs with a finger.

“-I get a handful of these?”

Garou dodged, laughing, when you swung a hand up at him for a slap.

“Pervert! Leave my thighs alone, thirsty bastard!”

---

to be continued

#garou x reader #platonic metal bat x reader #garou #garou the hero hunter #garou the human monster #metal bat #badd #opm x reader #one punch man #one punch man season 2

[tessatechaitea]

Wonder Twins #5

Jayna just punched straight through her brother's butthole.

If you're a being who turns into water, your dick and butthole don't just disappear, right? They just become part of the water! So I'm almost certainly correct in my comment on the cover. Hopefully Mark Russell will explore this topic in a future issue. Until then, I'll be certain to tell everybody I know that Jayna basically fisted Zan. Luckily for the Wonder Twins, I don't know many people and also they are fictional characters. This issue is called "Magic and Games." I think. It will probably take me less time to read this entire comic book than it took me to puzzle out the word "Games" in the font used for the title.

Sure, you can see it now that I already told you what it was! But it was difficult before I worked it out! Although I still wouldn't be surprised to learn the title is "Magic and Galljes" or "Magic and "Gaines" and that the second word is somebody's name.

Usually I don't comment on Mark Russell comic books because to comment on a Mark Russell comic book, you should probably be smart and serious. Sure, he's having fun and writing an entertaining book that I can easily use to make jokes about fisting incest! But he also writes sensitive stories about social justice and systemic bias and ethical dilemmas in changing times and, well, other stuff that I'm too dumb to even discuss in the most general terms! He's a smart guy which is why I hate him with a burning passion! But it's a good hate! It's the kind of envious hate that pushes me to my own Emerald Twilight! I probably won't wind up destroying an entire town and ruining my reputation and becoming the most vilified hero in our universe but I almost certainly will eventually become the avenging spirit of God judging everybody around me! Wait, I think I already am that! Whatever my point is, it's that Mark Russell writes good and I'm too weak to not despise him for it. Polly Math has just won first prize at the science fair because her last name is Math. I guess Sandra Science didn't compete this year so Polly was the obvious next choice. Jayna wins second place because her project on fucking hot guys while being a nerd in high school fell apart when the guy she attempted to science fair fuck turned out to be a villain. It's also possible I'm confusing story lines but you have to expect that kind of thing! I'm not spring chicken! Remembering details between chapters that come out a full month apart has been nearly impossible for the last twenty years! I shouldn't make fun of Polly Math's name because I have a name that people always try to make jokes about too. It's not Grunion Guy! You can probably find it if you do even the smallest amount of Internet research! I'm not going to help you though because I don't want to get called a Deaf Chef anymore! Polly is upset that her father is working with Lex Luthor and the League of Annoyance. But Jayna has a plan to fix things! I bet her plan is to turn into a giant tortoise while Zan turns into an ice dildo and...wait a second! Why am I giving out good ideas that Mark Russell will just steal in a few issues?! Better to not speculate on things! Also, I mean, the cover shows Jayna going with the shark plan.

Okay fine! I'm finally interested in Fox News!

The most disturbing thing about people who watch Fox News is that they ignore five hundred other channels that are showing entertaining things on their television at the same time! Who chooses that shit over Comedy Central or the Game Show Network?! I haven't had cable for nearly twenty years and whenever I'm staying somewhere with cable, it's locked on the Game Show Network 24/7! Who the fuck chooses to watch state propaganda over old game shows?! Fucking psychopaths, that's who!

Polly Math's father wound up working with Lex Industries because only Lex Luthor hired African Americans, I guess? Hadn't he heard of STAR Labs?! Maybe Silas Stone and Sarah Charles fulfilled their quota?

I might be misreading this scene but I don't think I am because the white guys with white guys playing golf pictures behind them seem interested in Filo Math if he's Norwegian (so, you know, totally white!) and then when they meet him, they don't want to hire him. It could be that they really are concerned with his specialty! What could that be?! I mean, it can't be any worse than Silas Stone's specialty of turning his son into a cybernetic example of the castration of the black male in America! That's a really terrible specialty! Although Sarah Charles seemed to be pretty into it. See?! This is why I can't review a Mark Russell book! He's making a great point about the systemic bias inherent in corporate hiring practices and I'm not taking it seriously! I mean, he isn't either, really? He's being light-hearted while still making a good point. Which is what I've done, I think, in my comment about Cyborg's lack of a penis! The Scrambler wants to play a trick on society. He's a magician that believes people are frightened of magic and only like the part where everything is normal again. Magician: "Is this your card?" Audience Member: "Why yes! Thank God you picked my card! I was worried I was going to have to live in a world where my card wasn't picked!" Maybe I'm not comprehending his point. Anyway, The Scrambler wants to do a trick where things don't ever go back to normal! He's a monster! Imagine picking the Three of Clubs and nobody ever showing you the Three of Clubs ever again! Ugh, I'm feeling faint. To save Polly's Dad from definite prison time (or possibly, if Superman shows up, an eternity in the Phantom Zone. As if Superman can be bothered with Earth's judicial system! Pshaw!), Jan has challenged the League of Annoyance to a duel at the zoo. I guess if she wants to stress out all of the animals there with a big battle, who am I to judge? I mean other than being the real life version of Hal Jordan's Spectre, of course! At the zoo, Jayna recruits a bunch of Australian animals to help fight which goes as spectacularly as you can imagine it would. And what I mean by that is that a koala is blown to bits. But I guess that's worth it in the grand scheme of getting Polly Math's father to stop working with the League of Annoyance. It's like that philosophical conundrum about an ant that sacrifices its life for even the tiniest amount to better the world. It's just an ant! It practically owes it to the universe to die for nearly nothing! What does this koala bear expect? It should get to live in luxurious confinement at the zoo and not die for a trivial reason? Stupid koala bear. Go fuck yourself, you selfish bastard. The Wonder Twins defeat two out of three of the League of Annoyance members at the expense of just one koala's life and the bruised jaw of an innocent kangaroo. The third member, some woman with a Kryptonian cell phone whose name maybe I should remember, gets away to go regroup. Sylvia is a racist that joined the League because she didn't like the demographics of her small town changing. She's startled by Filo entering the League's headquarters to pack up his stuff and winds up zapping him like she zapped the koala. Okay, I guess the koala isn't as dead as I first thought. I should have realize a Kryptonian phone is probably sending everything to the Phantom Zone. So once again, I, the Grandmaster Comic Book Reader, was correct when I speculated that the worst that could happen to Filo was prison or the Phantom Zone! I'm the smarterest! Sylvia is caught on camera zapping Filo Math and then messes up in an interview when she kind of admits to having maybe zapped more than one black person with her phone off-camera? It's a real public relations nightmare!

But Lex can fix it! His greatest strength is turning public relations nightmares into public relations wet dreams!

Lex News turns Cell Phone Sylvia into a national hero. Because anything is excusable if you just say how scared you were! I mean, as long as you're white! It's scary being white! Sometimes you have to kill people with your legal gun while standing your own ground after confronting somebody for the most inconsequential reasons! It's just the way the world works! At least in America! Happy 4th of July! Just in case some readers weren't smart enough to get that everybody blasted by Sylvia's phone went to the Phantom Zone, Mark Russell supplies us with an image of Filo and the koala and a bunch of Sylvia's other victims (hmm, all black! But that's probably just a coincidence!) in the Phantom Zone. Polly, at the end of her rope with doing the right thing in an unjust world, decides to contact The Scrambler. I can't wait for her big magic trick to fix the world! The Scrambler's big trick to fix the world is to threaten to scramble everybody's identity. Everybody's minds will switch around so that they're now in different bodies. That means the powerful might wind up being the poorest people in the worst poverty. And the only way he won't do it is if the powerful fix the world in thirty days. Seems like a good plan! Except I'm curious to see how they fix it. Most people's ideas of fixing the world rely on the current world still existing somehow. So the fix is handicapped from the beginning by needing to be built on the ruins of the old system. To truly make a new system that works, the old system must be completely razed to the ground. But nobody has the stomach for that. So we make exceptions and compromises, building the new structure on top of a rotting foundation. It's why DC's Universe fixes always fail. They rely on making things new and better but need to remain rooted in the past. Crisis on Infinite Earths was built on a world that still contained members of Infinity Inc. who suddenly didn't fit in the world anymore. So DC then had to do Zero Hour which told new origin stories but still refused to throw out everything that came before to simply start again. Even The New 52, which people hated because they felt it did exactly what I suggested (razing the shit to the ground), didn't work because, I believe, it didn't go far enough! It still accepted Superman had died. It still accepted all of Green Lantern's past. It still contained a Batgirl who was shot by Joker and became Oracle. It was still the DC Universe but with arbitrary and subtle changes that made no real difference except the jettisoning of a ton of history. So it didn't work for anybody! Um, anyway, my initial point was that real life political structures and social dynamics and economic systems can never really be restructured in a meaningful way because they have to kowtow to older ways of thinking and doing things. The comic book stuff was just easier to write about! I'm sure Mark Russell will figure it out! Or he'll just have The Scrambler and Polly Math arrested and nothing will work out like it should and it will just be the punctuation on the idea that everything fucking sucks. Yay! Wonder Twins #5 Rating: A+. Come on! Everything Mark Russell writes gets an A+! It shows how smart I am!

#Wonder Twins #Mark Russell #DC Comics #Comic Book Reviews

[flatstarcarcosa]

extremely detailed character meme (Van, ships: right on target and far from any road)

found this on my dash and i thought i’d fill it in! under a cut b/c it is REALLY detailed! some of the questions don’t apply for me, and i tried to make it easy to tell which ship i’m referring too b/c some things are different here and there 

Character Chart Character’s full name: Van (pronounced vaughn, rhymes with fawn) Miller Reason or meaning of name: None  Character’s nickname: None, aside from petnames Reason for nickname: None Birth date: for ship: right on target: 10/03/1990 for ship: far from any road: 10/03/1970  Physical appearance Age: ship: right on target: 29\ ship: far from any road: 24 in 95, 30 in 02, 40 in 2012 How old do they appear: Perpetually babyfaced. So about 15 or so until they hit their mid 30′s Weight: honestly i don’t know Height: 5′2 (look what’s the point of a self insert if i can’t achieve my dream of being at least five foot tall all right) Body build: stronk.  Shape of face: square ish?  Eye color: grey Glasses or contacts: glasses, doesn’t like them unless they’re sunglasses though, prefers to squint and look like a hamster  Skin tone: pale/sickly at times, tan if they’ve been in the sun, but still very white  Distinguishing marks: pointy canines  Predominant features: nothing really sticks out, van’s physical features are pretty normal Hair color: naturally a muted blonde. prone to dying it a bright yellow in 95 and 02 for ship: far from any road. dyed black for ship: right on target Type of hair: straight Hairstyle: fluffy, over hair sprayed mullet ponytail thing for ‘95, ‘02 has a less hair band style looking thing but still pretty punky, ‘12 Van has what i call the ‘business undercut’ (far from any road). also just a normal, kind of spiky undercut for (right on target) Voice: i dont know how to answer this?  Overall attractiveness: this is just a bad question  Physical disabilities: I’m gonna break this one down because one thing i love about my self inserts is modifying my own, actual disabilities a bit so: far from any road: van has kidney and bladder problems that get progressively worse as time goes on, and undiagnosed celiac disease. because of a severe motorcycle accident in ‘89 they also have a weak/bum leg that is prone at times to flaring up with pain and instability with no warning. after a second motorcycle accident in ‘95, these things get a lot worse. by the time ‘12 rolls around van resigns themself to having traded in their bike years earlier for an actual car and using a cane. they’re not happy about it.  right on target: same kidney/bladder/digestive issues. bum leg is a side effect of general chronic pain caused by it. their leg has a habit of still going out at random, and despite needing a cane sometimes they refuse to use it. lester always keep an eye out in case their leg is about to collapse under them. he’s grabbed them many times to keep them from hitting the ground.  Usual fashion of dress: dark, leather, jeans, punky looking things.  Favorite outfit: leather jacket, motorcycle boots even if they’re not riding, jeans.  Jewelry or accessories: big clunky silver rings. right on target!van has a solid black metal band on their left thumb that matches one lester has.

Personality Good personality traits: tries to be kind, tries to make things better for others at the expense of themself, funny, loves animals,  Bad personality traits: addiction problems, quick temper, far from any road!van likes to hustle people at bars and get into bar fights but usually only if they’ve been provoked  Mood character is most often in: it cycles a lot, so  Sense of humor: good? this is a vague question  Character’s greatest joy in life: photography, making people laugh, alone time Character’s greatest fear: death, being in poverty again/being stuck in poverty,  Why? being poor is Not Fun What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? far from any road: something happening to rust. they don’t realize at it first but he’s become their grounding agent, and without him there to balance them out they would not fare well.  right on target: lester’s brief stint of being fucking dead and murdered on TV wasn’t a good time.  Character is most at ease when: it’s cold and rainy out and they have an excuse to stay in bed and snooze.  Most ill at ease when: surrounded by too many people and too many noises. Enraged when: hhhhhhhhhhhhh often? the worst they get is in ‘95 when marty makes a few jabs at their trauma and they beat him bloody before rust pulls them off him.  Depressed or sad when: also often, sometimes for no reason. thats kind of what clinical depression is. Priorities: money. taking care of themself with it in order to be able to help others. Life philosophy: sometimes you don’t have to be great, you can just be okay.  If granted one wish, it would be: ability to change gender/sex characteristics at will. Why? it’s the transgenderism (i use that word satirically and as a joke, for those that don’t know that’s a te]]]rf dogwhistle in other situations, a lot of trans people have taken it back)  Character’s soft spot: their pets and the fact that being a raging asshole is a front they have to actively work at. Is this soft spot obvious to others? depends on the person. to rust? yes. to lester? not as much.  Greatest strength: refusal to give up. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: raging asshole disease and the addiction issues. Biggest regret: developing addiction issues.   Minor regret: it also cycles like their moods. Biggest accomplishment: far from any road: got a bachelor’s degree in sociology before deciding to get into journalism.  right on target: ??? van doesn’t feel accomplished. lester is trying to encourage them at going to college but he’s not very good at it.  Minor accomplishment: “not fucking dead yet, assholes”  Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: far from any road: van was never able to find out who it was in the south texas area that was targeting members of the LGBT community, that’s the whole reason they ended up with the crusaders and met rust, they had reason to believe it was someone connected to the gang. despite help from rust, the investigation went nowhere and all they have is a half finished expose.  right on target: they didn’t try to leave an abusive situation sooner. Why? see above Character’s darkest secret: i? don’t know??   Does anyone else know? N/A Goals Drives and motivations: just live the best they can Immediate goals: not die Long term goals: not die, perhaps be less of an alcoholic  How the character plans to accomplish these goals: slowly?  How other characters will be affected: they help.  Past Hometown: --- Type of childhood: traumatic Pets: dogs, frogs, turtles, hamsters First memory: ---- Most important childhood memory: ----  Why:  ------ Childhood hero:------ Dream job: ------ Education: bachelor’s degree for far from any road, GED for right on target Religion: atheistic but understanding and accepting of others Finances: far from any road: not fucking superb, hence the side hustles. right on target: poor  Present Current location: far from any road: Louisiana, i don’t remember TD ever stating where at aside from in the sticks right on target: NYC  Currently living with: rust or lester  Pets: far from any road is various pets at various times, right on target is initially just the doggo. Religion: still the same  Occupation: hustler slash freelance journalist for far from any road, unemployed for right on target Finances: better by 2012 (far from any road) thanks to a boring but stable office job, and for right on target they have lester’s money now and even lester doesn’t know how much he has aside from “a lot”. Family Mother: ------- Relationship with her: nonexistent    Father: Bastard Sr. Relationship with him: nonexistent.  Siblings: sister, older Relationship with them: non existent Spouse: rust/lester Relationship with him/her: i mean in both settings it’s a long term (rust right at around 20 years if you count their time in the crusaders initially, lester about 7 years) so, good if complicated at times Children:  no Relationship with them: none Other important family members: none  Favorites Color: purple, green, black Least favorite color: red Music: prog rock Food: pizza, waffles, hash browns, cereal  Literature: lots! really, its across all genres Form of entertainment: viddy gaems Expressions: what?  Mode of transportation: motorcycle or car  Most prized possession: also motorcycle or car Habits Hobbies: viddy gaemz, photography, sketch comedy  Plays a musical instrument? nah Plays a sport? is pool a sport?  How he/she would spend a rainy day: cozy in bed, s***ing some d***  Spending habits: they are fucking cheap as fuck whether they have money or not Smokes: yes, they say they’re planning to quit but [thor voice] is he though  Drinks: yes, it’s the alcoholism  Other drugs: pills mostly. to be fair they do HAVE to have a lot of meds because of chronic illness but they do love them some benzos  What does he/she do too much of? drinks, sleeps, smokes What does he/she do too little of? healthy food, exercise  Extremely skilled at: hustling. that works in both setting because with rust they learned it themself, with lester he taught them. also, writing.  Extremely unskilled at: art, socialising with people  Nervous tics: knuckle cracking,  Usual body posture: crosses arms a lot  Mannerisms: ???? Peculiarities: ????? Traits Optimist or pessimist? pessimist  Introvert or extrovert? introvert  Daredevil or cautious? cautious  Logical or emotional? both actually, it’s not fun Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? disorderly and messy, clashes with rust’s methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? relaxing  Confident or unsure of himself/herself? switches rapidly between both  Animal lover? yes Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: bad.  One word the character would use to describe self: asshole  One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: no good alcoholic junkie with a shitty temper, a shittier outlook and few skills or worth to bring to the table except a raging selfish streak What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? sense of humor  What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? temper  What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? thicc What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? crippled How does the character think others perceive him/her: badly,  What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: alcoholism  Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: they try to be cordial, unless they’re in traffic, in which case it’s fuck you and your fucking mother you stupid fucking motherfucker  Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? yes Person character most hates: [redacted]  Best friend(s): @dadbodsandbots is p much hanging out somewhere in every setting  Love interest(s): rust and lester  Person character goes to for advice: they don’t, that requires enough vulnerability to admit there’s a problem Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: also rust and lester Person character feels shy or awkward around: van is very uncomfortable around marty most of the time, he reminds them of their father. it smooths out as time goes on, but still. also when lester was stuck with the DA, they didn’t like daken at first  Person character openly admires: ehh? Person character secretly admires: ehh?  Most important person in character’s life before story starts: ehh?  After story starts: ehh? 

found here

#van.me #ship: far from any road #ship: right on target #lms if read?????

[thestupidhelmet]

I've been reading lot of your metas lately and I really love them but I noticed that your criticizm of Kelso is really harsh. I think he's not that bad. His sexist remarks are mostly played for laughs and he wasn't that sexist and stupid in season 1. I think that in season 1 he was actually a good guy then he suddenly became a sex obsessed pig in season 2. Don't you think this might be because he's somewhat traumatized by Laurie's invasion of his boundaries and emotional blackmailing and abuse?

Thanks! I’m glad you’re enjoying my metas, and I understand how my analysis of Kelso might seem harsh. That’s likely due to the fact my metas involving Kelso tend to analyze his worst arcs on the show.

That said, regardless of whether sexist remarks are played/written for laughs, they become part of a character’s makeup if s/he says them. Red and Jackie’s xenophobic remarks toward Fez are played/written for laughs, too. That doesn’t make Red and Jackie any less xenophobic.

I do think Kelso – stripped of Ashton’s charming, often hilarious portrayal – is an unlikable character for much of the show and generally not a “good guy”. But Ashton’s likability comes through Kelso, making it harder to discern just how awful Kelso truly is for most of the series. When I watch Kelso on T7S, I don’t grumble about his terrible behavior. I laugh at his antics and enjoy Ashton’s performance. It creates some cognitive dissonance, and I posted an interesting meta last night discussing that very phenomenon.

Below the cut is an extensive, thorough meta. Tuck in. :)

In season 1, Kelso does have a good friend moment in “Grandma’s Dead” (1x23). A man knocks Eric unconscious with one punch, and Kelso and Hyde avenge Eric’s honor and fight that man and his friends. Other than that, though, Kelso doesn’t demonstrate any real friendship to anyone. He’s focused on himself, Jackie (positively and negatively), and Laurie.

In “Drive-In” (1x08), Kelso almost has another good friend moment with Eric. Eric asks Kelso not to accompany him and Donna to a drive-in movie. But Kelso doesn’t follow-through because Jackie makes the opposite promise to Donna, and Kelso doesn’t put up much of a fight. Kelso and Jackie fool around in the back seat of the Vista Cruiser, making Eric and Donna uncomfortable.

Neither Jackie nor Kelso act like good friends in this episode, but Jackie’s the only one who tries to uphold her promise to Donna. She’s also the only one who acknowledges that she’s not “being a very good friend”. She repeatedly attempts to fend off Kelso’s amorous advances but ultimately gives into them.

In “Sunday, Bloody Sunday” (1x10), Eric needs help finishing a term-paper because he has to entertain his grandmother. Donna offers her, Hyde, and Kelso’s help to write it for him. Jackie offers to get her own essay (that she mistakenly believes is) on the same subject. Kelso, though, is determined to break up with her in that very moment. Unlike Donna, Hyde, and Jackie, he’s entirely self-focused.

In “Ski Trip” (1x13), Kelso cheats on Jackie the first time. He kisses Pam Macy behind the school gym, and Jackie breaks up with him (temporarily). He doesn’t show any remorse for what he did. He just wants Jackie to forgive him.

KITTY: Michael, what are you doing down here?KELSO: You know what? I think Eric actually went [to Jackie’s ski cabin without me]. What a jerk!KITTY: Well, why don’t you just go to Jackie’s cabin and talk to him?KELSO: Ican’t. I don’t have a car; and, besides,Jackie hates me forever because I kissed Pam Macy.KITTY: You know, when Mr. Forman and I were dating., I saw him kissing a girl in a movie theater once, and I forgave him.KELSO: You forgave him for kissing another girl?KITTY: Yes, sir. I mean, it wasn’t – it wasn’t so much kissing as it was a groping, sloppy, pawing, nibbling nightmare.KELSO: But, but you forgave him!KITTY: Yeah, I forgave the bastard!KELSO: Cool!

Kelso hitchhikes his way to Jackie’s cabin, not because he feels badly about hurting her. He wants to go skiing with his friends, confront Eric about Eric’s lack of loyalty to him, and to get Jackie’s forgiveness. When he reunites with Jackie, he still shows no remorse and doesn’t apologize.

JACKIE: You walked all the way here in the driving snowstorm just to be with me, didn’t you, Michael? And you would never, ever do that for Pam Macy, would you?KELSO: No?JACKIE: Lover..

Kelso’s forgiven because he guesses that, “No,” is the answer Jackie wants to hear. Basically, it’s dumb luck. Jackie interprets his journey to the cabin as evidence that he loves her. In other words, she suffers from confirmation bias.

In “That Wrestling Show” (1x15), Kelso takes advantage of Jackie’s fear he’ll break up with her now that they’ve had sex. He uses that fear to control her and order her around. That’s not what a good boyfriend – let alone what a good person -- does to someone he supposedly cares about.

Throughout season 1, Kelso demonstrates his lust for Laurie. She rejects him until “A New Hope” (1x20), where he initiates their first make-out. This episode takes place right after Kelso and Jackie reconcile in “Prom Night” (1x19). Likely only one week into their renewed relationship passes before he cheats on her again.

Laurie doesn’t force herself on him in “A New Hope”. She puts out a lure, implies – though not explicitly – that she’s interested in him, and he bites (well, kisses).

He doesn’t demonstrate that he’s a good guy in season 1. He’s consistently selfish. In the episodes and scenes where he isn’t selfish, with rare exception, he’s neutral. Not harming his friends but also not showing them loyalty, compassion, or generosity.

In comparison, during season 1 Eric shows Hyde significant loyalty, compassion, and generosity (particularly in “Punk Chick” [1x22] and “Hyde Moves In” [1x24]). He shows compassion and loyalty to Jackie in “The Pill” (1x17), and Jackie tries to be helpful to Eric in “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”. Donna is consistently a good friend to Eric and Hyde. Hyde and Fez are consistently good friends to each other. Hyde is variably a good friend to Eric and Donna and a selfish a-hole. 

And Kelso has a single, solitary good friend moment in season 1, as described above.

Interesting to note: he doesn’t experience a significant amount of friendship from anyone else in return, either, during season 1. Eric, Hyde, and – to a lesser extent -- Donna badger him to dump Jackie. Hyde often talks condescendingly to Kelso as if Kelso’s an idiot. Fez calls Kelso a whore, etc.

The only moment of friendship toward Kelso in season 1 that stands out to me happens in “Water Tower” (1x21).  Eric is concerned for Kelso’s well-being after Kelso falls off the water tower. Kelso’s wrist seems broken, and Eric tries to get his mom’s help (and is, as we know, traumatized by catching his parents in the middle of sex).

he suddenly became a sex obsessed pig in season 2. 

Kelso is clearly sex-obsessed in season 1. He just doesn’t actually have sex until “Stolen Car” (1x14), but in “Drive-In” (1x08) Kelso has the following conversation with Eric:

ERIC: You and Jackie have done it, like, a million times!KELSO: True! Yeah, slid into home on the second date!

Eric’s line indicates that Kelso brags about having sex with Jackie often – and  before this episode takes place. But Jackie’s dialogue to Donna during the same scene refutes these claims: “[Michael and I] have never done it! We got to third base once, and that was an accident!”

In “Sunday, Bloody Sunday,” Kelso is seconds away from breaking up with Jackie. Donna orders him not to, and he and Jackie make out right outside the basement door.

In “Eric’s Birthday” (1x02), Kelso becomes aroused just by being in Laurie’s presence. She’s wearing only a long sweatshirt, no pants, to cover her underwear.

LAURIE: If we were at the beach, you wouldn’t even notice me.HYDE: If we were at the beach, Kelso would be in the water right now.

Once she leaves the scene, Kelso interprets Laurie’s non-sexual dialogue about Eric’s surprise party as hitting on himself.

KELSO: Oh! Yeah! Your sister wants me! I mean you sawher coming onto me, right? Remember? I said, “Hello, Laurie,” and Laurie said…

FANTASY LAURIE: Hello, Kelso. I’m waiting. And I want you, baby, to take menow.  I need it bad. I need it all night. And Momma loves her baby. I’mcompletely naked under this, and I’m hot for you, Kelso!

The writers clearly wrote that scene for laughs, but it also shows Kelso’s obsessed-with-sex (and with Laurie) mindset in second episode of the series.

Don’t you think this might be because he’s somewhat traumatized by Laurie’s invasion of his boundaries and emotional blackmailing and abuse?          

I’m all about calling out toxic relationships in the show, whether the perpetrator is male or female (or where both parties act badly). What Laurie does to Kelso in “Red’s Last Day” (2x02) is unacceptable (I wrote a meta on it here). That scene was “played for laughs,” too, but it doesn’t invalidate the awfulness of what Laurie does. It doesn’t make her any less of a rapist. The characters’ actions and words are their actions and words.

I hope I’ve made clear now why “[Kelso’s] sexist remarks are mostly played for laughs” doesn’t make Kelso any less of a sexist. If he’s saying sexist remarks, they’re in his mind to say. Being a sexist is part of his character.

In real life, Laurie’s violation of Kelso and her subsequent manipulation and emotional blackmail of him would likely traumatize him. But as written on the show, it doesn’t. It’s not in the material, which is a shame. But That ‘70s Show is a comedy. The writers weren’t going to turn it into a drama or dramedy that dealt with trauma and recovery. That doesn’t make Laurie’s treatment of him, however, any less reprehensible.

Laurie’s not held accountable by T7S’s writers for what she does. They write Kelso as initially rejecting Laurie’s sexual advances in “Red’s Last Day” then quickly giving into pleasure and accepting it. His no turns into a yes. The meta I linked a few paragraphs up delves into this more thoroughly.

But in this meta here, I’ve already established that Kelso is sex-obsessed in season 1. Laurie doesn’t catalyze that aspect of him. He cheats on Jackie twice in season 1, brags about having sex to his friends that he’s not having. Doesn’t break up with Jackie because, in large part, he craves their sexual relationship. He probably would’ve been the same with any girl who fooled around with him. His lust isn’t Jackie-specific. But Jackie’s the only one offering (until Pam Macy and, later, Laurie).

What Laurie does do, however, is free him from the idea that he can have sex with only Jackie. Just before Laurie forces herself on him in “Red’s Last Day,” Kelso has the following fantasy.

PAUL ANKA: Yeah, with a ride [van] like this you must get a buttload of ladiesKELSO: Actually, Paul, I’m just with Jackie at the moment.PAUL: Just Jackie? What are you, an idiot?KELSO: Well […] I know that a fine machine like this would well snag me lots of pelt. But I love Jackie, and a real man can deny his man-instincts…

Part of him isn’t happy being monogamous. His heart seems loyal to Jackie, but his body isn’t. Later, he has the following exchange with Jackie:

KELSO: So I’d like to see other people!JACKIE: No.KELSO: What I mean to say is that you and I should see other people.JACKIE: No.KELSO: Okay … what if just I see other people?JACKIE: No.KELSO: Okay, okay!

This is actually one of Kelso’s most honorable moments on the show. He tries to get out of his relationship with Jackie so that he can pursue all the sex he wants. Not only that, he wants her to be free, too. Unlike in season 5, he doesn’t expect Jackie to be miserable and alone while he sleeps with whomever he wants.

But Kelso isn’t assertive enough to contend with Jackie’s controlling nature. He backs down, stays in a relationship with her, and pursues all the sex he wants anyway, just without her knowing.

I don’t fault him for saying, “What if just I see other people?” He’s giving her a choice by being honest about what he wants. He’s essentially saying, “This is what I’m going to do if we stay in a relationship. You can accept that or not.”

The problem isn’t that Kelso doesn’t want to be monogamous. It’s that once he agrees to be monogamous, he lies to Jackie about doing the opposite.

We learn in a subsequent episode that Kelso had “some side action” from a girl from Sacred Heart during his relationship with Jackie and affair with Laurie. In “I’m a Boy” (6x08), Kelso reveals he cheated on Jackie a lot more than we ever imagined. He interpreted Jackie’s annoyances at him as “breaks” that gave him permission to sleep with whoever he wants. But they weren’t officially broken up in those moments.

Throughout the series, Kelso is portrayed as a sex addict with little to no impulse control. Laurie doesn’t create that addiction him, but she opens the door to him acting on it fully.

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Michael Kelso #Laurie Forman #Jackie Burkhart #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #love-geeky-fangirl

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight - Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

I’ve been sitting on reviewing this one for quite a while. And, well, there is a good reason for that. Freddy Krueger has, up until this film, managed to have a pretty solid series. The first three films in particular are excellent movies, with the fourth and fifth being decent and a mixed bag, respectively. This film, though? It’s a stinker. Like a really, seriously bad one. Not one of the worst I’ve ever seen – this is no Seed of Chucky or, god forbid, Smiley – and there actually are a few things I like here and there, but the overall product here is just a ridiculous mess.

So here’s the story – Set in the distant future of, uh, 2001, Freddy has successfully killed every single child in Springwood, save for one. Said child is the key to Freddy being able to return, and… well, that’s basically the plot. Hijinks ensue from here.

So, here’s what I like about the movie: Obviously, Robert Englund as Freddy is great, even if Freddy has finally completed the transition from terrifying killer to goofy murderous clown. It kind of works, since Freddy does seem the type to treat murder like a big game, so this isn’t egregiously bad, and his jokier deaths always managed to be more creative and visually interesting… though the video game death is just embarrassing. I’ll go more into that in a bit. Freddy also can still be terrifying when he wants to be, such as his gloating “every town has an Elm Street” line, as well as a few other moments. Freddy is my favorite slasher villain for a reason, and this film doesn’t do anything to sully my love of this sick twisted bastard.

The concept of the dream demons is kind of cool, though I honestly preferred why Freddy was the way he was to be an ambiguous situation; I don’t think adding demonic forces to the lore was really needed. And… well, this is where any praise of this entry ends. Yeah, even the praise portion ended with a lukewarm reception, that should give you a hint as to the overall quality of this film. The rest of this film is just an utter travesty. The most glaring example of this is when Freddy plays a character like a video game to kill him – the video game graphics are so hokey and outdated that it’s laughable, and even for the time they probably looked like crap. The whole sequence is just embarrassing and ridiculous, and is emblematic of the film’s biggest flaw: this entry is just far too light and comedic for its own good.

Even at their weakest, the previous films always managed to blend horror and comedy in a more appealing way, with a good balance being struck, keeping Freddy scary yet also laughable. And like I said, Freddy still has his moments here… it’s just that by and large he has been reduced into a big goofball more content with spouting one liners and joking with his victims than anything. It’s just… dumb. This movie is dumb. It almost feels like they were trying to make a PG-13 horror film but it ended up being R regardless, kind of like what happened with the first Leprechaun movie. We’re stuck with a film that’s too dark and gory for a more general audience but also far too juvenile and corny to really satisfy anyone else. It’s just a big waste.

Really, that’s all I have to say on this film. It’s just a dumb movie that ends with crappy 3D effects that make Robert Rodriguez’s kids films look like high art and has some really awkward and confusing twists, namely with Freddy having a previously unmentioned secret daughter he had with a previously unmentioned wife. I mean, watch it for completion’s sake by all means, and there are a few good things here and there, but quite frankly this is one of the weakest entries in the entire franchise, and a pretty lame ending for Freddy.

Now, this film was followed up with New Nightmare, which doesn’t take place in the continuity of the series and is a very meta movie featuring the actors of the original film playing themselves. It’s basically a precursor to Scream, except I find it to be far less entertaining and a bit average and unimpressive. But you want to know what IS in continuity, is a lot more interesting to talk about, and features a character from another series I’ve talked about extensively showing up to battle Freddy?

Come on back tomorrow night for the Freddy vs. Jason review, a review that has been a long time coming.

#Michael After Midnight #review #movie review #A Nightmare on Elm Street #Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare #Freddy Krueger #Robert Englund #slasher film

[lushscreamqueen]

Wes Craven’s CHILLER on the Schlocky Horror Picture Show

July 27, 2008

OPENING: Hello, good evening, and welcome to the Schlocky Horror Picture Show. I'm your host, Nigel Honeybone. "Welcome To The Wooorld Of Tomorrow!" as corporate executive Miles Creighton is cryogenically frozen for ten years until a suitable liver transplant is found and revive him. Unfortunately, his priest informs him his mind and body have been reanimated, but his soul...well his soul is gone...forever! Isn't a "get well soon" card more traditional? Watch, if you dare, as cult horror director Wes Craven attempts to break into the glamourous Made-For-TV movie market with a 1985 chiller called...Chiller! Talk about generic labeling... BREAK: Coming up we have more unfeeling monsters without souls, then after the ads we can get back to Wes Craven's Chiller...brrrrrr! MIDDLE: Welcome back to the Schlocky Horror Picture Show. What do I think is the best part of Wes Craven's Chiller? I like the introduction title sequence, maybe because it was inspired by the 1982 John Carpenter film The Thing, and almost as much inspired by the blood test they used in the 1998 film The Faculty. Did I say inspired? I meant to say ripped-off. Through no fault of actor Michael Beck, Miles is just a generic unfeeling monster. It doesn't work well for a TV movie because it's too restrained. He doesn't really kill anyone. His worst crime involves forcing an old man to walk up a long flight of stairs and suffer a heart attack. The fiend! Oh, has that happened in the film yet? I wouldn't want to give away any important plot points, of course. Just pretend I didn't say that...I know, I'll talk about the actors instead. Beck is probably best known for playing gang-leader Swan in the excellent 1979 cult action film The Warriors, probably the high point of his movie career. Low points in his career include playing Sonny Malone in the 1980 musical roller-flop Xanadu, and Lieutenant-Commander Dallas in the 1982 action roller-flop Megaforce, which was so bad...(how bad was it?)...it was so bad he received a Razzie nomination for Worst Supporting Actor. He couldn't even win that. But more recently he can be spotted in television shows like JAG, Robin's Hoods, as the Mars-born terrorist-turned cyborg assassin Abel Horn in the Babylon 5 episode A Spider In The Web, and in Walker Texas Ranger, because you don't say no to Chuck Norris. So not promising so far, but then we have Jill Schoelen's sweet face to look at, so even if your intelligence is insulted your eyes won't be. Jill is much loved not so much for her movies but for her looks. In one Psycho-inspired scene, Miles is seen Peeping-Tomming...is that a word? Anyway, he takes a shufty at Stacy through a hole he drilled while she undresses. I can't fault the man for that, really. I'd probably be drilling a hole of my own, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Jill can be seen in other schlocky efforts like DC Cab, The Stepfather, The Curse II: The Bite, Cutting Class, The Phantom of the Opera, Popcorn, and the 1993 sequel to When A Stranger Calls, and the cunningly titled When a Stranger Calls Back. Her roles in more than half-a-dozen low-budget horror films has earned her a minor cult following and raising her to the status of scream queen. Speaking of queens, Jill Schoelen also dated Brad Pitt for a while. They were engaged for about three months, but then she broke off the engagement for The Phantom of the Opera. I guess the best man won. It would be terribly amiss of me not to mention respected character actor Paul Sorvino as Reverend Penny, whose impressive career includes the 1970 cult film Where's Poppa?, Day Of The Dolphin, Oh God!, Cruising, The Stuff, Goodfellas, The Rocketeer, and was frighteningly convincing as Henry Kissinger in Oliver Stone's Nixon. Sorvino also became a favourite of Warren Beatty's, and can be seen alongside Woggles in Reds, Dick Tracy, Bulworth and far too many others. He also fathered, possibly with Warren Beatty, Oscar winner Mira Sorvino. In Chiller, director Wes Craven uses a sledgehammer to make the connection between Miles being emotionally cold

with being physically cold as well. For some reason Wes thinks being cold and dead make you a heartless bastard, but that's just retarded. The metaphor is threadbare as it is, and he drives it into our heads as if nobody would be able to pick up on it on their own. Give us a little credit! Over the last three decades Craven has become an efficient, dependable film-maker who is obviously comfortable behind the camera, but there's no flair, no style, and very little imagination when it comes to horror. Freddy Krueger is really his only memorable contribution to the genre...everyone's entitled to one good day. Speaking of which, although Wes would never admit it, he and Friday The Thirteenth producer Sean Cunningham had worked together on the 1973 soft porn vampire comedy The Case Of The Smiling Stiffs, also known as The Case Of The Full Moon Murders, which means Freddy Versus Jason in 2003 was a thirty-year celebration of sorts for the two film makers. Try to find The Case Of The Smiling Stiffs if you can, I guarantee you'll find it more entertaining than most of their other efforts! But you can do that tomorrow. In the meantime I urge you to remain for the From-The-Freezer-To-The-Oven-To-The-Table excitement that is...Wes Craven's...Chiller! CLOSING: What the hell was that all about? At first Miles seems to be just your average sociopath who has no regard for anyone but himself. Then for the finale, his eyes suddenly become demonic and he's got super strength, lifting cops off the ground with one arm, and all that. My guess is that Wes Craven thought Miles just wasn't evil enough and made a last-minute decision to make him seem 'otherworldly' for the ending. It's these kind of efforts that makes "Made For Television" such a bad reputation. Both acting and direction are rather pedestrian, at best. Cold, you might say. Anyway, please join me next week when I have another opportunity to make your stomach turn and your flesh crawl with another lusting, slashing, ripping flesh-hungry, blood-mad massacre from the back side of the Public Domain on...The Schlocky Horror Picture Show. Toodles!

by Lushscreamqueen

[idle-flower]

Dear Yuletide Author - 2020

Thank you for your time and attention, and I hope your wishes are granted this holiday season!

Likes:

I prefer plot and angst and adventure to fluff, though a nice warm fluffy scene can make a good dessert at the end of the pain and suffering. I lean more to f/f and m/f than m/m. I enjoy forbidden relationships. I love exploring the 'what if' spinoffs of a small change in a canon. I swoon for lovers who take dramatic risks to protect their loved ones.

I also enjoy detailed description of clothing/furniture/jewelry/pretty things in general. Not just heaping up brand names, but sensory detail.

Dislikes:

Please avoid sweeping tropey AUs like 'what if noir' or 'what if everyone was in high school'. I'm REALLY picky about comedy so it's probably not a good idea to go for wacky funny stuff. No excited rambling about pregnancy or babies. (Older kids are okay.) While I am okay with pretty dark stuff, please don't gorily torture characters to death on screen. If people gotta die, limit the details! I am generally not keen on crossovers. I dislike PWP unless it is exceedingly hot smut (see below).

Smut:

I don't require it, but I do read a good bit of filthy porn.

Kinks I find interesting: mild bdsm, pain mixed with pleasure, dubcon, sibling or cousin incest, strap-ons, futanari and other magical appendages, teasing, teenagers, drugs/magic with interesting effects, people making terrible decisions due to being emotionally overwrought or really really horny

SMUTTY DO NOT WANTS: 

rape or painful sex that one party is not enjoying at all, inserting anything edible (licking off boobs is okay), aggressive face-fucking, choking, degradation, scat/watersports, bukkake, parental incest, anyone younger than teen, emphasis on 'virgin blood' (some writers make it a huge deal with tearing pain and fountains of blood, please don't).

-

Wayward Children

Jill Wolcott

Down Among The Sticks And Bones is my absolute favorite of this series. I love both Jack and Jill, but everybody loves Jack. Let's talk about Jill. Let's talk about a hungry girl who wanted things, fiercely, who wanted to be pretty and special and loved, and who was left behind by a sister who chose to save herself and never look back. A girl who was deliberately cut off from friendship by the father-master who made himself her only source of love.

What if Jack and Jill maintained more contact during those formative years in the Moors, meeting in secret and trying (and probably failing) to rekindle their bond and to convince each other to appreciate their choices? What if Jill softened, and her certainty faltered?

What if both Jack and Jill had grown up without disruption in the Moors, becoming a vampire and a mad scientist, in balance and at odds? How would they interact and conflict as adults?

What happened with Jill and her friends, the ones she played with around the fountain before the Master killed them? Who were they? What did she think happened to them, and how did she react? Did they ALL die, or just enough to scare the other villagers into shunning Jill? How did she deal with the rejection?

What if she'd chosen some other method of being ruthless? Captured Alexis and locked her in the dungeons to be a plaything? Or some other village child, kept in secret, to be her pet and her 'friend'? Or perhaps captured people and brought them to her 'father' as offerings for his appetite, to prove herself?

What were days like, living with her Master? (And yes that could get kinky or creepy)

What went through her mind during EHAD? What triggered her to start her plan? Did she consider that she was behaving more like a mad scientist than a vampire princess? What did she think about Jack? Did she plan to kill Jack eventually? If Jack had abandoned Jill at the school and opened her door home alone, might Jill have succeeded in creating a key and come seeking vengeance?

Disregarding Come Tumbling Down, what else might have happened to Jill after her resurrection? If the Master rejected her, might she have gone in search of even darker powers? Do rules normally govern the fate of failed apprentices? (After all, Mary's still alive despite rejecting the Master, but apparently bound to serve him.)

Basically I'm open to a TON of ideas here but I want to stick with stories from the first two books and leave out what happened later. Bring on the angst. Let Jill suffer in tragedies of her own making, but give her sympathy as well. Maybe she’s redeemed! ... Maybe not.

VIOLENCE: I'm okay with murder and blood and torture in this canon, just try to make it more poetic than gross. You can imply she broke someone's fingers with snaps and screams, but I don't need descriptions of what somebody's kidneys look like. 

TRAGEDY: You can cut my heart out on this one if you want to. Any character can die, including Jill. I don’t require either a happy or a sad ending, but I might enjoy the tension of having no idea which way it’s going to turn out. 

IF YOU WANT TO WRITE SMUT: Jill/Jack, Jill/Master, Jill/Mary, Jill/Some random villager, these are all fine. Jill/Alexis is better as a horror element than as a smut one, I don't want to read sex if one party isn't at least reluctantly enjoying it.

DNW: Jill/Kade.

-

Poison Ivy (1992 film)

Sylvie Cooper, Ivy

I was struggling through the confusions of puberty, Ivy was hot, this film left an impression on me. In a way it's perfect as it is, and trying to build any sort of happy ending for Ivy feels out of place, but on the other hand there's a lot of loose ends left after the story.

Throughout the film, there's a lot the audience never knows about Ivy, including her legal name. Did Coop know it? (Maybe, probably.) Did her father? (Quite possibly not). How do they handle all the legal responsibilities of her death? Were Ivy's stories about the aunt she was staying with true? How do they break the news?  How does her funeral go?  

What do Sylvie and her father have to say to each other about Ivy after the truth comes out? Does he admit everything that he did? How does he handle the guilt? How do they rebuild their relationship?

What is school like, afterwards? What rumors escape? How does Coop handle them?

Or - what if Ivy survives the fall? Seriously injured, possibly paralysed, but alive? How do they deal with her, once the truth comes out? Do they cover up her crimes? Do they keep her in their home? What happens to their relationships?

For AUs, what would have happened if Ivy had met Coop when they were several years younger, so she couldn't get her hooks into Darryl as easily? What if they met at summer camp and Ivy was just as messed-up and needy but the situations were different? What if the movie plot is actually a fantasy younger-Ivy spins about her future to her fascinated-and-appalled friend, who then has a chance to react to it?

IF YOU WANT TO WRITE SMUT: I'm fine with Sylvie/Ivy, I'm okay with Darryl/Ivy but I would rather he not be the focus of the story (Sylvie catching them having sex has possibilities, or Ivy thinking about Sylvie while seducing Darryl)

DNW: Anyone other than Ivy to die, Ivy to marry Darryl

-

Xanth - Piers Anthony

Jenny Elf, Gwendolyn Goblin

I have an ulterior motive, I badly want to insert some gayness into Xanth after the author has tried so hard to make it impossible, even allegedly threatening magical straightjackets to cure homosexuality. And it is difficult to think of a good f/f pairing because female characters in Xanth are almost completely obsessed with flashing their panties and attracting men. Almost the only good female friendship actually on-page (as opposed to a vague comment that Ivy and Nada used to hang out) is Jenny/Gwenny, who are best friends.

The events of The Color Of Her Panties even provide some possible groundwork to build on. They've been raised together in the care of centaurs who have different views on morality/sexuality than humans do. They're forced to think about sex and be inducted into the Adult Conspiracy together. Gwenny's new contacts mean that she starts seeing other people's sexual fantasies (and Jenny does too, for a while). They're bound to have some good girly gossip on the subject at some point, talking about what all these weirdoes are into and trying to figure out what the appeal is! Or some simple "ugh boys are gross, especially goblin boys" that leads to pushing them closer together. (Well, Che is quite different from the goblin boys, and I'm not totally opposed to including him, but my ulterior motive makes me more interested in Jenny/Gwenny as a couple than all of them as an OT3.)

Straightforward romance: Gwenny relies on Jenny to cheer her up and help her relax from her duties. Romance blossoms! Simple.

Silly fluff: Gwenny and Jenny visit the Pantry, try on tons of lingerie together, have a ridiculous slumber party and pillow fight, end up snogging... maybe they even accidentally found Dolph and Electra's honeymoon chamber.

For a slightly more dramatic plot, Gwenny's bound to feel like she has to marry and have a child because goblins have hereditary rulership. She also knows all the good and bad sides of that - she would never have come to power without those rules, but those rules also made her bastard half-brother a threat when he would have been a terrible leader. And she knows that true family is what you choose, not just an accident of birth. Will she decide that she has to have a husband? Will she decide that she cannot have a husband, who might threaten her power, but must give birth to a child for the succession? (And hey, magic can be involved, she can TOTALLY find a way to summon the stork with Jenny somehow) Or what about adoption?

If you smut it, I don't care if they're still as young as they were in TCOHP (but no younger). I'm also fine with them being older. I would rather not do any temporary sex-change because that defeats my ulterior motive, but weird uses for Xanth-style magic stuff could be entertaining.

If the real-world implications of Jenny Elf bother you, I'll settle for Ivy/Nada, but that's going to need a lot more imagination to get a satisfying story out of it. How does their friendship develop between Isle of View and Man from Mundania, other than gossipping about their respective brothers? Do they have any adventures? How does Ivy cope with Nada's occasional self-destructive tendencies? How does Electra fit into their group?

DNW: Tragic endings, any references to canon post The Color Of Her Panties

-

My Little Pony Megan, Wind Whistler

Wind Whistler needs more love. I will be perfectly content with any fantasy adventure story featuring the G1 / MLP&Friends characters facing dramatic fantasy peril and saving the day with some help from Wind Whistler's brains. I loved Tambelon and Midnight Castle and The End Of Flutter Valley and all sorts of mystical threats, so throw some big old magical doom at me. I don't really want any permanent harm to come to anyone, it feels out of tone for a show adventure, but you can tie Megan up and have her suspended over certain death and rescued at the last minute by Wind Whistler swooping in or whatever.

Please avoid any references to Friendship is Magic locations/characters/etc, I actually haven't watched it and will just be confused.

Now, if you want to cater to my weird midnight thoughts...

Megan and Wind Whistler were close. Very close. And ponies having crushes on human-shaped people was canon. And Wind Whistler is not always good at dealing with her heart. Imagine the angst potential of these two developing feelings for each other. How do they cope? Do they maintain a romantic friendship while supporting each other in other relationships? Do they remain together, chastely bonded, all their lives? What if Wind Whistler found a way to take human form? How would she cope with giving up her wings for Megan? (Could be a bit of a Little Mermaid plotline there).

Given the in-cartoon existence of Mama and Baby versions of the same pony, and no Papa pony ever, suggesting you can have identical offspring with no father needed, do ponies actually reproduce through some sort of magical stork/cabbage-patch scenario? And if so, could weird pony hybrids start showing up if the ponies socialise too much with other creatures?

SMUT: Only if Wind Whistler takes on human form, and only as a small element of the story, that's really not what I'm here for with this request. (But being able to take on human form only once and having only one night together would hit my taste for angst.)

DNW: Sex involving ponies, canon-atypical violence/injuries/death.

#yuletide letter #yuletide 2020

[winsister91]

>send an ask: get to know your author ---> all the number >:3

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Damn. Did not expect this. Well you asked for it!! 

Lemme just go ahead and pop a ‘keep reading’ here coz this shit’s gonna get lengthy.

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?Got a ton of ideas I noted down and still haven't got around to doing? Does that count? I’m lazy and think faster than I write.

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Published online? Not really. Unpublished? LOADS.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?Generally chronological when doings fanfics. The piece of shit novel that I’ll never finish has been all over the place.

4) favorite character you’ve writtenAlways love writing Dean

5) character you were most surprised to end up writingDidn’t expect a request to write Richard Speight Jnr fluff! Shocked me a little. But it was fun to do!

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowI ballsed up Three Wrongs Make a Right. I had a vision for the ending, but then went off in a completely different direction and backed myself into a corner. Now I dont know how to continue it DX

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?Bit of both I guess. I’m more comfortable with strangers reading my stuff tho. There’s a very select few people I know IRL who have actually read stuff I’ve done. I’ll tell people I write, if they ask to see it, nine times out of ten it’s a huge HELL NO.

8) favorite genre to writeWhen writing original works, I always fall into fantasy. Fanfics I'm a sucker for fluff.

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?I listen to game/movie soundtracks! I dunno why, just helps me visualise stuff and get in the groove.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?Alone with background noise.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?Pfft. I don’t think it has haha I’m maybe more confident in actually doing it these days maybe?

12) your weaknesses as an authorGRAMMAR. Super dialogue heavy. Suck at setting and describing scenery.

13) your strengths as an author:S IDK. I may be dialogue heavy but I’d like to think it’s decent dialogue at least?

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?Nah.

15) why did you start writing?Simple, I just enjoy it. Writing is super hard tho, but I enjoy attempting to tell stories and hope it entertains someone :)

16) are there any characters who haunt you?*shrugs* dont think so?

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?LEARN TO GRAMMAR. QUICKLY COZ YOU STILL CAN’T DO IT AGED 26 FGS YOU HAVE AN A-LEVEL IN ENGLISH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?Uuuh...maybe? I’m not observant enough to notice coz I’m a dumb :3

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?PLAN PLAN PLAN. Or just wing it and hope for the best. Depends on my mood.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?I came to Tumblr during a fortnight off work, so the sessions were looooong and stretching into the stupidly early morning hours. Then I had to go back to work *sulk*. so now its more short bursts coz I’m too damn tired all the time.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?This sucks. That sucks. Why do I subject people to this trash? NB: this applies to current works too.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?If it makes me that uncomfortable, I simply won’t write it I guess. Is that cowardly? I don’t like writing abuse.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?Lived in a pub in my childhood, have always worked in customer services so I have met and spoken too some nice/fun/weird/creepy people over the years. No doubt some of them will have creeped into the writings. Again, I’m not observant enough to fully notice tho.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?I wouldn’t say ‘expert’ but I got a request to write a migraine fic (which can be found heeeeere), and I’ve never experienced one. So I did some googling, found a page where people described how a migraine actually felt to them, looked up suggested home remedies, what happens when a migraine comes on etc etc The overall feedback I got from that fic was that I got the description pretty damn accurate! Which was pretty cool :) I would never wish a migraine on anybody btw.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud ofOh god...guess I better scavenge and see if I actually like any of it...Okay, I’m gonna go with this chunk out of This Means War

“Round 1You skulk up to the blonde Dean has been chatting up just as he goes to the bar to grab them both a drink.“Hey,” you whisper and the girl turns to you puzzled, “My sister hooked up with that guy a week or so ago. Crabs.”Dean approaches while you dance with a baby-faced cutie.“Again?” he says, pulling out his fake FBI ID, “I'll let you off this night Miss Spankalot, but I catch you in here looking for customers again, I'll have to take you in.” Round 2You run up and slap Dean amongst a group of girls on their hen night.“You bastard!” You cry over dramatically, “You're other wife just called to tell you she's pregnant! With triplets!”“She's loopy that one,” Dean mumbles to your next victim, “I heard she pokes holes in condoms and goes crazy screaming you'll be the perfect happy family.” Round 3Dean wanders over to the guy eyeing you up. You watch as he points at you and lip read him saying, “Has a penis.”You make eye contact over Dean’s shoulder to the brunette he's charming. You lean forward, nodding you head towards Dean and announcing, “Micro-penis.””I just really enjoyed writing this chunk. Fun and pranky Dean is always a joy. I like how ridiculous he and reader are getting over a silly bet and determined to one up and sabotage each other. One of my finer moments in attempted comedy I feel :)

THERE ARE YOU HAPPY NOW! (That was actually really fun, thankyouloveyoubye)