#is this a thing or just me

[traaumaa]

i'm so afraid of losing them that i rather kill myself to make sure i die before they die, i never want to experience losing them. if they died and left me alone it would be a form of abandonment to me and i honestly don't know if i would recover

#is this a thing or just me #?? #bpd #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderline personality disorder #.txt

[kochei0]

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

#greek mythology #ares #athena #greek gods #dont get me wrong it aint athena slander but it sure is ares praise #on some level at least #man justly accused of bad things deserves some mid praise more at 11 #thank you romi for helping me with words though i duly noted you insisted on ares not being cautious rather than him not being careful #romi be like “i want him to care” and honestly good you should say it #also EPIC led to this and i just..... i want to draw some animatics man i just need infinite time now #my long lost love for greek myths just will never stop coming and they dont stop coming and they dont stop coming #i want some vulture design in here for ares but not sure about this one #kochei doodles

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

#i often wonder about how many things would be considered classic or high art had they only received the marketing #how many short films that were made for class could have been the most powerful thing you'd ever seen? if you'd seen them? #“you know the greatest films of all time were never made” etc etc #but like. these works of art ARE being made. it's just enjoyed by a smaller audience with equal impact though #i think about this one furry i used to follow on insta who had the coolest worldbuilding ever. it's been years. #thought prompted by that sketch of nimona from ten years ago that was just for a character design #posted to the creator's tumblr and now it's nominated for best animated feature film at the oscars #and by the genuine emotional reaction a fan comic made me feel. how much work had gone into it. how beautiful it was to me. #idk what to tag this but i hope whoever needs to hear it does #writing #writer #fandom #fandom culture #artist

[qrowpilled]

hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

#shush jesse #this post abt astarion #hes just so painfully on brand for me #i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane #but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers #so like.....secondhand blorbo right now

[so-many-ocs]

[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories

#🌿 misc #idk how to tag this #i just love making lists #and sorting things into categories #pinterest #?? #this is part of what motivates me to write i just love making lists of scenes and then sorting them into categories #bangers

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

#ramble #if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands #you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things #some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible #the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think #i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex #this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!! #how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about #yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian #you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate

[epicsauce]

learning that self deprecation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it's true.

#people will fr go ''god im such an ugly loser LOL i suck at everything i do and i should just kms“ #and then go “why does no one want to be around me” #maybe because your attitude sucks. maybe because i said 'those mean things you say about yourself arent true' #and you spent five minutes arguing with me about how im wrong. #00

[shortmexicangirl]

'can i copy your homework?'

'yeah just don't make it obvious'

#literally bar for bar i'm SICKKKKKK #tumblr #tumblr update #put that thing back where it came from or so help me #imagine getting rid of everything that makes your website design unique and instead just stealing the layout of the site you slander so muc

[a1sart]

if there's one thing this last episode has affirmed for me about Alastor it's that he FUCKING HATES being reminded that he's not the most powerful creature in hell.

Like, he hates being ignored by Carmilla when she says she doesn't care why he was gone

He hates Lucifer ON SIGHT

He threatens to KILL Husk when he dares to mention that Alastor is working for someone more powerful than him

and now this.

Alastor freaking out because he almost died. Something almost killed him. He can fucking die. There is something more powerful than him out there. And it's not something he can ignore or brush off because it almost killed him.

Alastor hates the reminder that he's not as powerful as he tells people he is. He isn't indestructible, he isn't invincible. And he fucking hates that.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #al talks about things #OUUGH HE'S MAKIN ME INSANE #he isn't blorbo yet #but he could be #anyway I've seen people say that he's freaking out because he's realizing he maybe does care #No???? that's not it??? #He's scared because he just got the shit beat out of him by an angel??? #He got reminded that there are things out there that are more powerful than him? #that's why he immediately jumps to trying to figure out a way out of his deal #because he wants to get out from under whoever is more powerful than him!!! #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor

[shopcat]

the baby has one parent's little face marking thing and the other's coat because they're a little horse family the world is a beautiful place

#☆ #might become really obsessed with horses i'm not sure yet #maybe specifically mustangs and other feral horses... They intrigue me deeply #update i've been informed the thing is called a blaze but i just described it instead in the alt text bc i think clarity matters more than #erm. specificity?? #also sorry if i don't know what colour the horses are. someone tell me if u like i like this stuff #🐯 #domestic horse (equus ferus caballus) #equid #juvenile #top

[qiinamii]

we'll do fine.

#fionna and cake spoilers #what hits me a little is how similar fionna and simon's stories are in the case of finding nuance in their lives #when both have gone through their separate but still valid pain no matter the extent it had been #and its that they met each other they get to see how it compares and they're no less worth of the peace and fun they dreamed of #even in the form of simplicity and just being normal #“i wouldn't have met THE fionna and cake” “we wouldn't have met THE simon petrikov” #it hits me harder that after the dandelion scene would've been their last time seeing each other physically #and how assuring simon sounded when fionna didn't know what to do with the literal world in her hands #tho im sure prismo isnt that much of a rule jerk lol i still drew out the revelation anyway with this tiniest addition #also the fact fionna's world is influenced by simon's thought processes and conditions so now things are a little better for both of them #fionna the human #fionna campbell #simon petrikov #qiiarts #the lil flashback of #betty grof #fionna and cake #adventure time

[meowydoe]

FORTY THOUSAND NOTES OLIVE OSTROVSKY????

[spacedace]

What is it about laying on the floor when you're overwhelmed that makes everything feel so much better?

#like its better than laying on a bed when it comes to that very specific state of absolutely out of your gourd overwhelmed #it takes serious self control for me some days to just not lay on the floor if things are too much #floor time is best time

[supposedlyahuman]

tw: Examples of reblog bait/people trying to guilt others into reblogging stuff. I am not actually saying the things below, they're just examples that I have seen.

I fucking hate when people say stuff like this. Especially when it's on a generally good post with valuable information. On the one hand I want to share that information because it could genuinely help someone; on the other, I don't want to spread this type of guilt-tripping and shaming and potentially trigger someone else like me. It's a lose-lose situation. No matter what I do, I am going to feel guilty. No matter what I do, I will feel like a terrible person. It sucks and I just wish people would stop doing this. I know it's shocking, but it is actually possible to make an important and useful post without guilting everyone that sees it into sharing.

#in general i just don't reblog anything that tries to guilt me into reblogging it #there have been so many times where i consider reblogging something and then see people saying the stuff above #and i automatically move along because i can't handle interacting with that sort of thing #moral ocd #serious #my thoughts

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum