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#is this good? i cant even tell its 4am rn
carpsurprise · 4 days ago
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˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗ kiss the bachelors and ... !
→ kiss alex on the inside of his wrist and … that confident charm he holds will start to falter. the intoxicating intimacy of a kiss pressed to an unloved, unthought of spot— the feeling of warmth against his pulse— can only unravel the tight coil he has spun for himself over the years. after so long, it seems now is the moment to tell someone that he hopes they’ll never leave his side.
→ kiss sam on the forehead and… his partner will feel the weight of his forehead pressed against theirs. his movements would be slow, calculated and anchored, as he treasures the warmth of his partner radiating through their skin. even such a simple kiss, small yet significant, shows sam exactly how his partner feels. he’s never been one to not appreciate the little things.
→ kiss elliott on the neck and … his shoulders will tense in sudden shock, roused from his studies of prose and literature, jostled from the languid daydreams only a writer can hold. with the hair of his neck standing straight at this sudden... proclamation, a sudden surge of adoration will wash over the curves of his cheeks. if his muse should unearth him once more, surely, something wonderful would manifest out of it. 
→ kiss shane on the hand and… he’ll retract it like a shock of electricity had pulsed through his fingers. give him a moment to recollect himself, the reminders of learned self-love and reminders that yes, shane, you deserve this sound off like bells in his skull. he’ll place his hand back into his partner’s, silently hoping for one more.  
→ kiss harvey on the shoulder and… the dials of his radio will move one notch further than he intended, jumping in his seat as he looks over his shoulder to the gift-giver. his heart flutters when he asks what had brought on such intimacy, so out of the blue, so spontaneous. the reason for their impulse holds no weight to him, but just to see the mischief in his partner’s eyes is enough to ask once more. 
→ kiss sebastian on the cheek and ... watch as his hands stall in their movement, held in open air at the sudden show of affection. it seems to be much harder to focus on work after moving into the farmhouse. maybe, for a moment, he’ll roll his eyes with a lazy smile, smitten with the spring air and the weight it holds when someone you love is near. 
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iwaisuke · a year ago
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i like you so much, you'll know it
ft. kageyama tobio, semi eita, iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader
genre: fluff (prompts are based off lines of the song)
masterlist
a/n: from the c-drama a love so beautiful :) i wrote this at like 4am so sorry if its crap haha. not proof read either. also, sorry in advance if they're too ooc lol im a mess rn.
» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆
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i like your eyes, you look away when you pretend not to care i like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear. i like you more the world may know but dont be scared cause im falling deeper baby be prepared.
» today was your first day at karasuno highschool. honestly, you were so scared. that was up until you found out kageyama was going too.
» the two of you had been childhood friends due to each others grandparents knowing the others. you had been with him through his ups and downs. his victories and defeats. almost everything kageyama did, you were there with him.
» actually, you didnt know kageyama was going to karasuno until you walked outside your door to find the raven haired boy in the same school uniform as you
» "tobi? you never told me you were going to karasuno?" giving him a side eyed grin. "i thought you were planning on going to aoba johsai like oikawa senpai and iwaizumi senpai"
» you viewed kageyama as someone who expected others to reach his level in order to be a good match for him. he had a strong head on his shoulders. naturally gifted in volleyball, like everything was given to him on a gold platter. of course, he wasnt perfect and thats where you come in and keep him level headed. helping him understand his faults and weaknesses as well. doing your best to encourage the setter
» he let out a sigh. a slight frown forming on his face. "i didnt get in.." he quietly said. "karasuno has a good volleyball team though and i can feel myself growing here" he stated bodly
» and boy was he right. something about kageyama did changd that day. he usually was so bitter and angry. a very pessimistic look on life if he and others weren't at the top. maybe it was the orange haired boy, hinata, that the setter and you became friends with. and maybe it was his great senpai's who were patient with him and gave him the opportunity to grow
» kageyama started smiling more often. his small unnoticeable dimples showing. he became kinder. softer. and more carefree. he was a growing boy both mentally and physically.
» what you didnt realize was that not only was kageyama changing, you as well, had something changing and growing in your heart.
» but kageyama noticed. oh boy did he really notice, the way you seemed to become happier and livelier by the day. how the stars sparkled in your eyes when you talked about something you enjoyed. the kind of perfume you would wear and how you would tie your hair differently each day. the weird trinkets you just seemed to love that decorated your bag. but most importantly, how much bigger your heart has become, loving everyone and their faults. always encouraging and motivating him and his team.
» was she always like this? he would constantly think to himself. all of a sudden being hyperaware about you... but he would NEVER let you know that, let alone his senpai's. it was just too embarrassing. just thinking about the never ending teasing he'd get from tanaka and noya senpai made him shiver.
» all of these things he felt about you hit kageyama like a truck the day everyone started to wear their winter uniforms.
» picking you up to walk to school together was a normal thing since the two of you lived close, but how was kageyama suppose to do this now when you're standing in front of him. thigh high socks to keep your legs warm, an oversized jacket that you had borrowed from him a while back you forgot to return. white mittens to cover your cold hands and the slight blush on your face from the wind chill.
» "does it look weird?" you shyly asked. kageyama was silent. "ah.. give me a second. I'll go back in and change real qui-"
» kageyama tugged on your hand. "its fine. lets just go to school or we'll be late." refusing to look you in the eyes. heat rising to your cheeks as tobio dragged you along with him.
» your feelings for the setter had blossomed over the past few months. falling deeper and deeper into him, and at this point you felt like you couldnt hide it anymore. you just had to tell him. tell him all the wonderful things he's done. the way he's grown and how much he means to you.
» "tobi..." your soft voice spilling out. eyes closed, the fog of your breath coming out as you exhaled. "i lik-"
» you felt something wrap around your neck. "wait y/n..." kageyama spoke, interrupting what you were about to say. not gonna lie, you felt like your heart was about to be shattered like ice eventhough kageyama continued to wrap his scarf around your neck.
» "dont say it..." he quietly said as he began to walk forward without you.
» ah... is this what rejection feels like? i didnt even get to say it properly... your hands felt colder now that kageyama wasnt holding them anymore.
» he took a quick glance back at you. blush on his cheeks. "be prepared because i want to be the one to tell you first."
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i like the way you try so hard when you play ball with your friends. i like the way you hit the notes in every song you're shinnin' i love the little things like when you're unaware, i catch you steal a glance and smile so perfectly
» semi eita, your 3 year heart throb from the moment he first spoke to you.
» at first, you had suppressed these feelings, telling yourself he would never look at you the same way. but something about the blonde tsundere struck a chord in your heart that you just couldn't forget.
» the two of you ended up becoming friends. closer than you had actually imagined within these past 3 years. doing everyday life with you. waking up and saving you a spot at breakfast. helping you with your studies in exchange for being his workout buddy and motivator.
» semi kept his tabs on you. your likes and dislikes. the things that made you smile and the things that made you groan in disgust, but he would never let you know that.
» to semi, you were his breath of fresh air. the song he has on repeat everyday. the kind of person who would keep him on his toes. in a good way of course
» "oi what are you daydreaming of this time?" semi asked as you zoned out while drinking your carton of strawberry milk. "hm? oh nothin. just thinkin about whats in store for us today!" reaching your arms above your head letting out a stretch. "i just know for a fact. today is gonna be a good day." semi chuckled at your optimistic claim. "how do you know for sure?" "i dont know how. i just do" you replied with a smile on your face.
» today, shiratorizawa had a practice match with aoba johsai and today, eita was picked to be in the starting line up. the pure joy that radiated from his body. maybe today was a really good day just like how you had said.
» semi took a quick glance up into the stands, you gave him a thumbs up and wished him good luck. his smile was brighter than you had ever seen it and his eyes shined like stars. he always told you that whatever chance he got on the court, he would be sure to not let his team down no matter what. he was in his zone. playing his best and sure enough, they had won all 3 matches.
» after practice, semi and you would hang out at his dorm afterwards. he liked to show you all the new songs he was working on. whether it was a cover or a song or a song he was writing on his own.
» the two of you leaned against the wall as you sat on semi's bed. his sheet music all sprawled out before him on his bed sheets. guitar in his arms and you beside him.
» "what are you working on semi?" "a song" "well obviously dum dum" you laughed, reaching out for a paper in front.
» "so who's the special lady?" you teased him as you read the lyrics. deep down inside you could only wish these words were meant for you. a blush formed on eita's face. "just... shut up about it... its not ready yet"
» it was getting late and falling asleep at semi's place was a normal occurrence at this point. your eyes became heavy and your head started bobbing.
» "sleepy?" eita asked as he noticed your eyes drooping. "mhm. sing for me semi? please?" his voice was so soft like a mothers touch yet somehow had the power to pierce through your soul sometimes. although, it never failed to help you fall asleep when you needed it.
» hesitantly, semi started humming. softly speaking some lyrics here and there. you didnt know where the tune was from so you listened the best you could.
» "... till the last of snow dissapears ... till a rainy day, becomes clear. never knew a love like this, now i can't let go..."
» your eyes had closed. slumber taking over you as you fell onto semi's shoulder.
» "im in love with you... and now you know..."
» yeah. today was a good day. just like you said it was going to be.
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in a world devoid of life, you bring color. in your eyes i see the light, my future. always and forever i know i cant let you go. im in love with you and now you know
» to iwaizumi, unlike volleyball, oikawa, maki, mattsun, school, anything life threw at him; you were the thing in his life that was constant yet at the same time a whirlwind of new beginnings. not in a bad way though.
» ever since you were kids, you showed iwaizumi the beauty in things he would have never guessed had. he was bold and tended to look over things without giving them much thought. his eyes straight ahead to the trials before him. you on the other hand, stopped him and slowed him down from rushing into them blindly.
» "every moment is precious. you should learn to cherish it because you never know when it's gonna be your last" you always said
» your views of the world were beautiful compared to how cruel it actually was. naivety maybe? or maybe it was just because you were blessed with a kind soul.
» iwaizumi always knew he had feelings for you. you had been with him through thick and thin. he could depend on you and you could depend on him. in his eyes, you were the most beautiful person on earth. deep down he had hoped the two of you could stay like that forever. nothing could ever change that.
» or so he thought...
» "iwa chan~ you owe me a meat bun" oikawa whined as the group of friends were walking to the gym for volleyball practice. "shut up crappykawa. i already bought you one last week" "oi isn't that y/n over there?" maki said, shaking iwaizumi's shoulder.
» sure enough it was you. apparently you had told iwaizumi to go ahead of you today because you had something to take care of in the afternoon. telling him you'd meet up with him after practice was over. not thinking much of it, he bid you a farewell and went on in his day.
» "oooou by the looks of it, this is the perfect confession scene" mattsun teased. "oi stop messing around" iwaizumi's voice hoarse. not gonna lie, iwaizumi felt his heart drop when mattsun said that
» the 4 boys crept closer to see what was going on.
» there you were, standing in the middle of a classroom with a black haired boy. "mhm. definitely a confession." oikawa stated. "shut up tooru we cant hear" maki retorted.
» you weren't considered popular in school but that didnt mean people didnt know who you were. iwaizumi knew you were gorgeous and on top of that, smart, kind and one of the sweetest girls, so it was only natural that people would be drawn to you.
» they watched as the boy got closer and closer to you. voices barely being audible to the 4 boys outside. iwaizumi's heart could bear to see this right before his eyes.
» without even thinking, his feet moving on his own, iwaizumi barged into the room. all eyes towards him.
» "iwa what are you-" without letting you finish, iwa dragged you out of the classroom. "iwa where are you taking me" asking him as he took you to who knows where, leading you up the stairs of the school.
» up on the roof, he finally let go. "sorry..." he mumbled.
» "sorry for what iwa?" "for ruining that confession... i just-"
» "you just...-?"
» "i just love you ok?!"
» your heart shook at the resonance of his voice. iwa liked you? he liked you back?! wait no- he loved you.
» you had loved iwaizumi from the moment you met him and as the two of you grew up, your love for him only grew deeper. he was the only one you'd ever look at. the only one who would ever cross your mind. you had hoped he felt the same about you but he was always so busy with other things you only felt like you would be able to support him on the sidelines as he faced the world head on like he always does.
» just being in iwaizumi's presence was enough for you. no need to be greedier, you thought. its good to be content with what you have, but just knowing that he shares the same feelings... its ok to be a little greedy right?
» your silence being louder than it should have been, iwaizumi took it the wrong way. "look I know this isn't the greatest confession. heck it's not even the way I wanted to confess to you, and get it if you like that other guy, you don't have to-"
» shuting him up with a kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. needless to say, he was shocked, but embraced you as well.
» "you're overthinking too much iwa. that's so unlike you" you chuckled. his face bright red at the previous actions.
» "i love you. I've loved you for a long time actually. every single second. every moment we've shared. i cant picture myself with anyone but you hajime."
» iwa let out a sigh of relief. a smile being brought back onto his face. "good because all I know is that i cant let you go. in the past, present and even in the future...."
» the blue sky slowly changing into shades of coral warmed your heart even more on top of his sweet words that you've always longed to hear.
» "im in love with you, and now you know"
-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆
enjoy your order! have a great day!
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miaxeu · a year ago
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      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 
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( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )
POWERS
natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !
chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 
levitation — shes trying her best ur honor
alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff
BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )
her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid
ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 
aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes
she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !
PERSONALITY
not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here
ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine
The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot
blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal
girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 
Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff
if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges
OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )
re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 
mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )
after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  
she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”
might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.
POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )
omg danny devito i love ur work ! 
,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration
OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 
summer camp sweetheart !  
someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 
summer camp pals ! 
p much the same as above but make it Platonic
party buddies !
or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo
friends w benefits !
most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything
alexa play true friend by hannah montana !
give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !
omg i love ur skirt !
that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   
im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 
( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )
FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 
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alonelysimp · a year ago
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❧ Basic info
I'm Dango!! (i usually anon under 🍡)
Nonbinary (he/they/xe) I'm testing out pog/poggers, perhaps its a joke, perhaps i actually like it
Agender (grey)Aro Ace gang (Neptunian but I use Agender for simplicity)
I'm an INTP, 549, sp/so, chaotic neutral, Slytherin (leaning Ravenclaw), and Phlegmatic-choleric, and RCUAI
Minor, idm platonic flirting as long as you're a minor too (I will not be initiating though <3)
❧ Other
I use some tone tags* (scroll down, I'll list them at the end)
I have tourettes !! I hate it !! (/lh)
❧ Likes
Genshin
Anything in theoretical physics relating to wormholes, the 5th to 11th dimensions, M theory, time travel, etc etc
Chem (not helping with chem hw tho <3)
Pokemon (gen 1 is my favorite)
Anime (fav genres are seinen, psych horror, and romance/comedy slice of life (shounen, mecha, and vampire don't usually do it for me but I'll give anything a shot))
Otomes (Ikemen series, The Arcana, Obey Me!) but ive barely played any since mid 2019/launch of ikevamp so my memory is a bit fuzzy
Drawing/Writing, its a love hate thing
Figure skating, yes i started bc of yoi
Kaomojis
❧ Dislikes
Indirectness (please please please if i did something wrong, tell me and be blunt about it, dw about it being too blunt)
Exclusionists (I will not be debating this, if you're an exclusionist get off my page rn)
Cringe culture
Feta cheese
Mechanical pencils breaking on me
❧ Fun Facts
Albedo and Sucrose kinnie** (I'll list the rest ig)
If you know what time zone, I'm in no u don't its 4am and I'm making tortellini (my sleep schedule matches that of "normal" in AEDT/EST Australia, I use/post in EST/EDT since its arguably the most popular in America)
if you make a vine reference I will marry u on the spot /p
there's a good chance I've seen an anime even if it isn't listed on my carrd, but whether or not I remember much of it is a completely different story
I've been rping as Barbara for... months now. Originally, it was on my Barbara main genshin acct but... she's my rp character of choice now ;;
❧ Spotify stats
my top artists according to Spotify <3
Yu-Peng Chen BABYMETAL ヨルシカ / Yorushika Reol BAND-MAID LADYBABY Maretu Araki The Longest Johns Moe Shop
Top Genres
Idol Rock / Kawaii Metal Pop / Indie pop / Post-teen pop Shanty Vocaloid Otacore J-pop / J-pixie
Top Tracks
Lobby Music (Kahoot) Snow-Buried Tales (Yu-Peng Chen) Envy Baby (Raon Lee) L'arrivo Della Signora (Yu-Peng Chen) Never Coming Back (Evan Call)
❧ Simp List
Tartaglia/Childe Ayaka Signora Xinyan Amber *Childe is the only one i self ship tho <3
❧ Other Accts
Art blog is @dango-ylan (same stuff as on my ig)
Shitposts and the like @grass-cant-save-me
Instagram is your.local.astronomy.nerd
uh my carrd is here !! [ x ]
❧ Tone tags
(ones i need are marked since I listed all I might use on this blog, I usually assume /j)
Full list here [ x ] (not mine)
/j - joking
/hj - half joking
/nsrs - not serious
/srs - serious *
/s - sarcastic
/gen - genuine *
/nm - not mad
/lu - little upset *
/lh - lighthearted
/nbh - nobody here
/rh (or /rt) - rhetorical *
/t - teasing
/ref - reference
/ij - inside joke
/c - copypasta
/p - platonic
/r - romantic
/sx - sexual intent
/nsx - non-sexual intent
/pos - positive connotation *
/neg - negative connotation *
/neu - neutral connotation
please be respectful and don't use the incorrect tag on purpose "as a joke" to confuse people
❧ Kin list
(vaguely in order from most to least)
Albedo
Sucrose
Varian (t:ts/rta)
Pidge (vld)
Alice (genshin)
Kaeya
Kenma (hq)
Traveler (genshin, specifically Lumine)
Zhongli
Saiki (Saiki k)
Killua (hxh)
Gorou
Hange (aot)
Migi (Parasyte)
Yuri Plisetsky (yoi)
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kuroimarzipan · a year ago
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17 questions, 17 people
tagged by @elfyourmother
Nicknames: at one point i tried to get mari to catch on but it didnt rlly lol. most ppl know me as mars eventually (forreal ive had that nickname since i was like six and it somehow catches on w ppl i dont even mention it to myself??) that said a decent number of ppl i met thru ffxiv know me as roeh now lmao
Zodiac: aries sun, taurus moon, pisces asc/ wood boar
Height: 5′10″/179cm
Last thing I looked up: woodkid s16 lyrics
Song stuck in my head: whatever is normally playing in my head is paused rn cause im actually listening to the new woodkid album and let me tell u it is not easy listening i rlly feel like that one painting of ophelia
Number of followers: its been hovering around 400 for well over a year now lol where are they when i post my art :^(
Amount of sleep: bad
Lucky number: honestly i dont know if i have one but my immature self wanted to say 69
Favourite instrument: ive always wanted to play the cello ig. but i also like some good brass
Favourite song: music yes ive heard of it....... i cant single out a fave but i will say please go listen to junglepussy’s entire discography shes great
Dream job: in my dreams i finish my fashion design diploma and i become successful and i see my designs on the catwalk
Aesthetic: can i make tropical pirate goth a thing or are pirates inherently goth
Favourite author: this question making me realise how long its been since i read fiction that wasnt fanfic or online in general lol.... all my recent purchases been nonfiction or art books. anyway i still have a soft spot for emily rodda cause of my childhood but i also quite liked kerry greenwood
Favourite animal noise: when im up way too late (like how its 4am rn) and i can hear the birds singing to remind me to go the fuck to sleep. funnily enough this is also the same noise i hear when ive got my life together and i wake up at a reasonable hour
Random: the other day i found a youtube channel that recreates recipes from throughout history as precisely as possible and also gives historical context for them in the process and i just thought it was the most delightful thing but like 90% of people i try to show this to react with complete disinterest what do you MEAN you dont want to nerd out about food history what the fuck
er. idk if i know seventeen ppl that are still active on here well enough to tag that many ppl lmaoooo i started putting tags in and it stopped letting me tag at five anyway so i guess. er. mutuals do this *points at the person reading this*
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princepsluna · a year ago
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i dont wanna sleep even though its already 4am and im thinkin like. if there was someone she trusted, most likely an S/O .... what if she ended up trusting them enough to finally telli them about NMM. They’d be the only pony to know about this, and its a huge thing!! because not even celestia, her own SISTER, knows about them.
for all she’s concerned, Nightmare Moon was a demon that took over her innocent and sweet sister because of her neglect and the elements had banished her for good. so luna absolutely feels guilty about it! she hates lying to her but, she fears for her own safety more. and she’s afraid of losing her too.  so i feel like her telling someone else about this is a HUGE show of how much she trusts them, and they’d prolly be the ONLY pony to know about it. she’d beg them to keep it secret from anyone.
and idk im. Lowkey emotional about it for reasons i cant put into words rn because im Running On No Sleep rn HBDJFSD.
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glassofgaytea · a year ago
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Ok so I dont wanna spoil anything for ppl who r like me nd read your blog about the untamed a lot before watching it but ooooof I just finished a very long and emotional storyline (middle of episode 39 if u know you know, had to pause to write this and probably won't continue b4 having slept bc oooof) and dude its so good but so PAINFUL like the characters are so complex and my heart just broke for literally everyone involved its so conflicting but still so sad and idek I'm so happy you (1/2)
(2/2)you watched the show and thus made me watch it!! Its so so so good like this is by far not the first time I've cried and it's so entertaining with how well its done ahh I cant even speak English properly anymore bc its like 4.38am rn but i had to tell this to someone and you said I could so !!! Tysm!! For recommending this show and also for listening:]
oh anon.. ep 39 really does just twist that knife right round baby right round doesn’t it.
I’m so glad you’re loving it. and to see that you too are in the depths of 4am hell :) enjoy the crazy wild ride of the last 10 episodes. godspeed ✌🏻
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mental-health-advice · 3 years ago
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Hi. I don’t know what kind of feelings that I have rn. I feel lonely or maybe alone. I feel empty. I’m not depressed. I still can laugh at the small things, still can wake up from my bed. but I often think about my worthiness to people, and the unrequited love that I have. hahah it just a small matter right? but it makes me cant sleep even its 4am. Just want to tell someone abt this. Thankyou for lending me your time to read this☺️
Hey there,
I don’t think this is asmall or unimportant matter at all. It sounds like you’re spending quite a lotof time thinking about this stuff and so that alone says to me that somethingis going on for you and it deserves time at the very least to try to work outwhere all of this is coming from. There is nothing worse than having somethingon your mind at night time that is preventing you from getting a good night’ssleep!
I’m sorry that you feel soalone and empty right now, that’s a really hard way to be feeling andespecially if you don’t always know where you stand with other people. Itsounds like at the moment, you just feel like you needed to tell someone this,just get it out of you and voice it. I’m so happy that you reached out for usand I really hope that by sharing this with us it has made you feel at leastless alone and hopefully even heard. It can really help sometimes to just havesomeone listen to you no matter what it is that you want to say!
I’m not sure if this willbe helpful for you or not but I am going to link you to one of our pages ongetting a good night’s sleep. At the very least it may help give you some ideasto help you prepare for sleep and helping to switch your mind off at nighttime.
I really hope you’re goingwell and things have improved a bit for you!
I’m thinking of you!
Take care,
Lauren
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noimserioustho · 6 months ago
Text
11/30
Things I dont say. 
I can see my therapist on her phone. Lmao. Looking at her messages. It reflects on her glasses. 
I liked that she was snacking while meeting with me, I dont like that silly professionalism that says people cant eat lol. 
I didnt tell her I saw her on her phone, I asked if she was ok. She said yah, I told her she looked stressed. Maybe she looked bored idk lol. She said no, but maybe a lil morgane coming. I said oh sorry. Then talked about how I wish it were easier to say things. Like how I could see her on her phone. Lol. But I told her how my brain says no, no need to say that, even when it's on the top of my tongue. Lol. 
I do wish I would sometimes though. 
I did bring up my constant need for validation though! #giftedkidburnout.
Lol. 
I dont like thinking about people thinking they're right when I quit. /Leave. I dont want to prove them right. I'm more anxious about them then letting people down. Lol. 
I think I failed. Like my whole life was to get a full time job right? And like wow, so all those 4ams and holding back tears at work and headaches and .. fuck. Everything else. Loneliness. This DEBTTT HAAAAhaahaahaa. Oof. That I havent even started paying!!! Heeheehahaicuevvakdocuwvakxog🙃🙃🙃😶🤷‍♀️🍾 
Walkup. Or whatever that word is for big ugh sigh. Lol. 
Ironic, bc all I do is try and avoid failure. Lolz. 
I think I want my own space. Like desk or office or whatever, I miss it and I want it. Like I saw Spencer's and instantly knew I missed it and wanted it. Not saying a job will be like that, haha, but that's what I want. 
And I'm craving so many tattoos rn. 
But also, hey, look at me, doing this job that has no grades or super specific measurable immediate accountable outcomes. Woo. Look at me, doing it without any clear, specific validation or direction or perfect answers. Yah some could and should be better. And yah, some are really good. 
I see why people just want to sit and smoke. Lol. 
I want to do that too but I get frustrated it had to get it all out and before someone starts talking hahah. 
It was hard to talk in therapy without smoking. Today and past few weeks. But hey look at me going to the gym. 
Guess I should go now. 
I'm really just thinking about trader Joe's afterwards. 
I feel like a ball of play dough bouncing around in a cement roller. 
I like imaging myself, all of us, as starts flying through space. And I am in a spiral, pulled by everyone's gravity and not my own, not forward. Well, forward, with time, but wasting my time going out to the sides towards others. And I could be going in a tighter spiral, absorbing and feeling those around me while going forward along side them. But I'm dizzy in these big circles. Spirals. And sometimes it's just my head spiraling, spiraling so much it just feels like I have to hold my forehead in my hands. Its just so heavy and so .. . Grounding. ? Yah. Safe? Idk. That only thing I can do. 
I want to exercise but I dont want to swim. Lol goddamn swimming. Like maybe if I could listen to music. Nooooo definitely if I could listen to music!! Then it would be a lottttt more fun and better and I'd do it all the time. 
Makes me sad thinking i might not go to trader Joe's hahaha. 
I think i need more sneakers, these black boots made my back hurt. 
I remember after I graduated high school, I was craving all these tattoos. I think I was craving some certainty, you know? Like something to physically remind myself and hold on to, like a manta but pretty on my hand or arm or whatever. I think now again I'm missing some mantras, some guidance. 
I want them all!! So I might wait, probs bc money. Aw sad. But what if it got them?? Like how fun, like a lil s/l somehow pretty on my left wrist to remind me to balance speaking and listening, and maybe on my right or somewhere a pretty brain and heart!! To balance my head and heart!! (Or IS that too CBT LOLLLLL). 
(I dont think avoiding the gym, i just think I'm enjoying something else rn?) 
And I want to design (YAH, I WANT TO DESIGN IT, YOU HEARD ME)  a beautiful vine of flowers, from bloom to full fields, from my right thumb up to my shoulder. Sunflowers and daisies and roses. So I guess I have to become a tattoo artist hahah. Oh noooo. That would be fun. 
Maybe I'll get a 
..
Oh no I looked away for a second,,,,, idr what. Hahaha 
Oops. 
I'm getting really cold now, that might make me get up. I want to exercise but not swim. Lol. 
Thursday? Thursday for sure. 
Maybe I'll go to trader Joe's anyways hahahah. 
Or just .. ugh that 
TONYS
Tony's for dumplings heehee. Defs my favorite food rn. I'm not going to think about the gym $ I am wasting. 
Lol nope nope. 
I am cold. Might just turn on the oven for more chicken nuggets!! 
Ahh babyyy is dreaming :') doing that cute lil squeaky thing he does. 
I am feeling better? I think? Unless I think about the gym haha. 
I love the idea of getting grace tattooed on my left arm. In a nice font, lowercase. After I start going by Simone all the time. 
Also ugh, I love Simone and Chris. Both of those. Also ugh, I still love Chris. I hate christian though hahahah. 
Ok cold cold. 
Was about to get up, but wow I typed a lot fast, right? I'm not manic, but whoa where did this come from? All these thoughts, not overwhelmed by feelings. It's nice haha. Just free flowing thoughts. Idk how or if this will help me speak and do things and interact with people, I think that was a goal I had, but this is nice. This is good
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kinktae · 3 years ago
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Omg I just finished tempting and I’m literally crying MY POOR HEART 😭😭😭😭 Thank you for your beautiful writing oml, truly amazing. Different than anything I’ve ever came across and I love it so much. You’re now my fav person ever so brb while I read everything else :)
Anonymous said: just read approximately halp of Tempting rn since it’s 3.20am I couldn’t sleep and wow I love it the series is soooo good no matter how angsty this could be (I’m only at chap. 6 so please no spoilers!). Oh yeah I’m telling you this since I just stumbled over your account. And I also loved Little one (that vampire Namjoon fic; I’m sleep deprived so I don’t remember well rn) and can’t wait for a new chapter. I love you!
Anonymous said: (Cont.) Idk if you’ve gotten my ask or not but a few days (?) ago I stumbled over little one and read it and thus started reading tempting untill 4am until the sixth chapter. Well today I finished the series and wow I didn’t think I’d cry so much for the series I binge read. Anyways keep up the good job I can’t wait for Little one 2 and Too tempting😊 I 💛 you
@deepinthemeadow​ said: I binge read all of Tempting last night, and I gotta say, one of THE best fics I have ever read! Just in general! I woke up thinking about it. Thank you for creating such an amazing story ❤️❤️❤️
Anonymous said: HOLY FUCK. You are so freaking talkented😭😭 I love the angel and tae fic. It’s so good I can’t wait for the sequel. I love you so much
@hadukada​ said: I JUST FINISHED READING TEMPTING!! MAANN WHAT A STORY! Im being honest, its so difficult to find great fics w demon!tae and im thankful for you making it ♡ its incredibly well written and the way the story ended just crashed my heart bUT it made sense for those things to happen. You remained real in the whole angel&demon relationship plot and everything is just so so good so TEMPTING lolol But yeah thanks for this all honey ♡ ill wait for Too Tempting no matter how long it takes ♡ kisses hon ♡
Anonymous said: I justed wanted to say, I appreciate you and all of your work, that is all goodnight 💜
Anonymous said: I just read Tempting and…. WTF… WHAT THE HELL…. HOW DID YOU WRITE THAT MAGIC!! I laughed my ass off, I cried like a baby and I became ridiculously involved in it all!! You are an absolute queen and I bow down to you. I live for Angel and Taes relationship
Anonymous said: Wow, just WOW! I just read tempting at one go and the endin had me bawling my eyes out!! I.AM.STUNNED. of how good the whole story was. This is all I can say, you left me speechles ❤❤
@celestialgucciboi​ said: HEY I JUST WANNA SAY I HATE YOU FOR WRITING THAT AMAZING DEMON TAE FIC AND FOR MAKING ME START SOBBING AT 3:30 BECAUSE I GOT TOO ATTACHED I HOPE YOUR HAPPY YOU SADIST PLEASE KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK I LOVE YOUR STORIES BUT IM STILL MAD AT YOU I HOPE U CHOKE ILYSM :((💜💜
Anonymous said: I JUST READ YOUR TEMPTING SERIES AND ITS SO GOLD, ITS SUCH A MASTER PIECE DUDE LIKE I CANT EVEN FORM WORDS, I TRULY LOVE IT AND IM STILL IN TEARS, I CANT WAIT TILL THE SEQUEL COMES OUT
IM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER Y’ALL. I LOVE YOU ALL WITH MY ENTIRE ASS AND I HOPE YOU ALL WONDERFUL DAYS. I can’t even begin to articulate how much each and every message from you guys means to me :(
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sweet-suggestions · 3 years ago
Note
All the asks for you now fuck you
Welp this is my own fault XD BUT STILL FUC U
1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…
I’ve never kissed anyone so I’m skipping those questions 
2: Did you get to sleep in today?
yeah!!!!
3: You never know what you got until you lose it?
well yeah,,
4: Do you have siblings?
yeah!!! I have two older brothers
5: How many kids do you want?
I don’t know if I want children, if I do then one, maybe two
6: Who was the last person you held hands with?
One of my best friends, she’s basically my sister XD @flyingdinosaurr
7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?
-
8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?
-
9: Last person to talk on the phone?
In a call? It was kat. Just messaging it was the fuck who sent this ask :p
10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
-11: When’s your birthday?
22 march 200312: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
-
13: What kind of phone do you have?
Samsung Galaxy s5 mini
14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Right now just a very big sweater so,, 
15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?
I fukin hope so, five years ago I was 10 XD
16: What were you doing at 4 am?
either sleeping or staring at the ceiling
17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?
write a paper most definetly
18: Are you lying to yourself about something?
yes
19: Last night you felt…?
sick
20: What’s something you cannot wait for?
either going to England this summer or going to America next summer
21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?
I think so
22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
like?? 5?
23: Are you a morning or night person?
night
24: What did you get your last bruise from?
walking against a metal table
25: Do you reply to all of your texts?
usually yes
26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?
pick up, its kat. I call w her on the regular XD
27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
-
28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?
I don’t think so
29: How many months until your birthday?
9
30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
nothing, I don’t like peanut butter
31: Did you like this past summer?
kinda, its not over yet tho
32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?
trying to answer this fucking thing on my phone
33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?
depends on the ex, one I wouldn’t want to be in a room with. any other id congratulate, I might be a bit salty but I wouldn’t show it
34: What is the last thing you said out loud?
‘I don’t know the months from my head’
35: Your mood summed into one work?
I don’t understand this
36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?
listening to music and talking to a friend
37: What are your initials?
m
38: Are you a happy person?
not really, I try to be
39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?
yes
40: Where do you want to live when your older?
I honestly have no idea
41: Have you had your birthday this year?
jup
42: What did you do yesterday?
went to the store and talked to a few friends
43: What will you be doing tomorrow?
going to two stores where they sell some animals and plants
44: How late did you stay up last night?
 I don’t remember, I think around 4am
45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?
yes, multiple ppl
46: Is it hard to make you laugh?
sometimes yes, usually no
47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?
yes
48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?
 don’t know, maybe
49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?
I don’t remember
50: Do you wish your ex was dead?
one of them yes
51: Have you ever dyed your hair?
yup, lots and lots of times
52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?
no
53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?
not really
54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?
yeah
55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
they wouldn’t give a fuck, as long as its not really ugly or badly tattoood
56: Sleep on your back or stomach?
my side
57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be?
anywhere that isn’t here
58: What would you change about your life right now?
my view on life
59: Has anything upset you in the past week?
yep
60: Are you on the phone?
calling? no
61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?
back I think
62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?
$40.000 definitely I cant even drive
63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
yes, almost dayly
64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
jup, quite a few times
65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?
that’s the only time I turn in homework
66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?
at home definitely 
67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?
juuuup
68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?
almost every night XD
69: Could you use some sleep right now?
probably
70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?
nah
71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?
yes, im too curious for my own good
72: What’s your favorite color?
I like all colors
73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?
ye
74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?
so many times
75: Do you get annoyed easily?
yea
76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?
yes please, I don’t want you to struggle w it
77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?
yes, I have one online amab (were talking abt sex right? not gender?) friend who I fully trust
78: Does anyone call you babe?
idk, one of my friends sometimes
79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
like,,,,, 3
80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?
relationship 100%
81: What color hoodie did you wear last?
im wearing a light blue hoodie rn
82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?
yes
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phandomsecretvalentines · 4 years ago
Text
(darling don't be afraid) i will love you
Happy late-vday-early-bday @ryn-exe (can’t tag?)!!! Hope u enjoy, soz if it’s not good but i’m not so amazing(phil)
This is 2.1k words. There’s a bit of dream-violence (not in detail) and a lot of anxiety and fear so if u don’t like that stuff!! Tell me!!!! And i’ll write something else for you, i don’t mind. (You didn’t say anything i wasn’t supposed to write but idk). I’d describe this as hurt/comfort i think lmaooo
Basic summery i wrote fo myself: Dan and Phil, and how they deal with each other’s 3am fears (2009 vs 2018, now)
From a pitch-hitter 💓💓
——
[Saturday; 10.26.09; 03:37]
——
Dan<33 (03:37): phil? :[
Phil (03:45): Yrha
Phil (03:47): Sorry!! Yeah**
Phil (03:47): Why are you up so early/late?? I barely woke up
Dan<33 (03:49): sorry i woke you :/
Dan<33 (03:50): my parents went away for a bit and i’m home alone and i cant turn off the lights cuz im too scared
Dan<33 (03:51): and i can’t sleep so bad even hugging pillow cant help mee :[[
Dan<33 (03:52): so im sitting in the hallway with every light im the house on alone in just my pants
Dan<33 (03:52): and i was a idiot and missed you so i woke you up at so late and now ur gonna hate me crap
Dan<33 (03:52): sorry
Phil (03:53): I’ll never ever hate you dan!!! <<33333333333333
Phil (03:53): I’m sorry ur so scared :[[ I wish I was there to be strong and protect u again
Dan<33 (03:54): i wish you were here too
Phil (03:54): :[ <3
Dan<33 (03:58): CDAP PHIL I THINK I HESRF A GHOST
Dan<33 (03:58): IR MONSTER
Dan<33 (03:58): FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Phil (03:59): Dan oh my gosh are you okay??
Dan<33 (04:00): yeah i think but
Dan<33 (04:00): i heard something phil
Dan<33 (04:01): im scared
Dan<33 (04:02): i can’t believe im 18 and i’m actually sobbing out of fear alone and naked in a hallway over a fucking noise
Dan<33 (04:02): to my boyfriend
Dan<33 (04:02): on skype
Dan<33 (04:03): fuck
Phil (04:03): Dan :[[ i’m so sorry
Dan<33 (04:04): it’s not your fault
Phil (04:04): Want me to call you??? (If u want)
Dan<33 (04:05): can we skype instead?
Dan<33 (04:05): i want to see your face plz <3
Dan<33 (04:05): if thats okay
Phil (04:06): That’s fine! One sec plz :]
——
[Phil would like to add Dan<33 to a call (02:33)]
[Accept] [Decline]
[Accepted]
——
When Dan answered the call, his face was red and puffed and wet. Even through the crap-pixel screen quality, Phil could see that.
“Hey,” Dan’s voice broke.
“Hi,”
Dan was shaking slightly.
His face suddenly flushed, “Oh shit, I forgot – I’m, uh, in only pants. In front of you. Crap.”
“It’s fine, I’ve seen you shirtless before.” Phil smiled what he hoped was reassuringly, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah — I mean, I am now. I guess.”
“Are you cold?”
“Kinda.” Dan admitted.
“Want to go to bed?”
“My room is too dark –”
“Well, I’ll be there, wont I? And I’ll protect you from everything bad in the dark.”
“You’re not really here.”
“Only ever a few hours away. And if worst comes to worst, I have the police line and the monster-killer line. So you’ll be super safe.”
Dan muffled a giggle, “Yeah, okay.”
He shuffled up off the floor, and made his way into his bedroom, clutching the laptop tightly.
“I dunno if I’m getting any sleep tonight, honestly.”
“You will! You can cuddle your pillow and I’ll tell you stories until the demons go away and you can sleep.”
“I’m not five, Phil.” There was no malice in his reply.
“You don’t need to be five for any of that to be true.” Phil said, serious tone.
“Okay,”
Minutes later, Dan was snuggled under his covers; hugging a pillow tightly as he listened to Phil go on about some guy at the market.
“Then, he pulled a hot dog out of his left pocket. Who keeps a single —”
“Phil?” Dan interrupted, his voice was dripping with sleep.
“Mm?”
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
“No.” Phil answered simply.
“I mean – for being so scared of such dumb stuff. Seven-year-olds are braver than me.”
“It’s okay to have fears, Dan. I bet you’re not the only adult with those fears either,”
“I’m scared of the dark. And ghosts and monsters and moths and demons and –”
“– and that’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“And it’s not annoying to deal with? I’m not?”
“You will never be annoying to ‘deal with’; I promise.”
Phil meant it.
——
[Monday; 12.07.09; 02:59]
——
Phil :]]]<333333 (02:59): Dan?
Dan (03:00): yeah??? <3
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:03): I’m scared
Dan (03:04): of what :[[
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): I dunno it’s just creaky downstairs and I’m alone for the night I guess
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): Nvm
Dan (03:05): no tell me i want to help u
Dan (03:05): plz
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:07): Well it’s just that
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): It’s really dark and windy
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): And there was a tree snapping against my window I thought our house might’ve blown down
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:09): And I thought i heard thunder which usually isn'tn too bad but right now its scaring me a bit
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): I don’t wanna be alone rn is all
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): But i am brave! So it’ll be okay i think
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): Don’t worry about me <33
Dan (03:11): i want to worry :[
Dan (03:11): you don’t always have to be brave <333 ily and i would give you the biggest hug if i were there
Dan (03:12): and tell the trees and thnder to fuck off and let you sleep
Dan (03:12): and then we would sleep all cuddled up togerher like we do sometimes and it would be warm and nice
Dan (03:14): i wish i were there with you
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): You will be someday so it’s okay now too :]
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): But plz tell the trees and thunder to fuck off it’s very loud :’[[[
Dan (03:16): if u call me i will????
Phil :]]]<333333 (03:17): Lol okay :p
——
[Incoming call from Dan]
[Accepted]
——
“Hi!” Dan really should be quieter; last time he called Phil at three in the morning his dad had yelled at him.
“Hi,” Phil’s sleep-laced voice answered.
A booming crack of thunder, and a whimper.
“Don’t worry – it… won’t hurt you.” Despite everything, Dan was sometimes still quite new to the role of 'comfort’ in their relationship.
“I know, just loud.”
Dan wished he was like Phil. He wished he could just pull out an intresting story, a funny idea.
“Sorry.”
He wasn’t like Phil, though.
“Want to play a game?”
“What game could we possibly play through a phone call?” Dan could practically hear Phil rolling his eyes.
Dan wracked his brain for quick ideas.
“Eye-Spy?”
“We’re… not in the same room Dan.”
“Yeah, true.”
Dan’s room suddenly felt rather empty and uninteresting.
Dan felt empty and uninteresting.
“What do you want me to do?” He finally muttered.
He held his breath.
“I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down. I like when you rant about things you love.”
Let it out.
“Oh. Well – want to hear my never-ending thoughts on WALL-E then?”
“Definitely.”
——
[Sunday; 02.04.18; 04:12]
——
“Phil?”
“Mhm?” He rolled over and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “What’re you doing up?”
“There was a moth.”
“A moth?”
“Yes!” Dan looked around the room nervously, rolling on his heels, “It’s in the lounge somewhere and I can’t sleep knowing it’s out there — lurking.”
Phil groaned.
“Fucking kill it! Or set it free, I dunno. I just need it gone.”
“You are truly the perfect mix of 'needy child’ and 'angry businessman’, Danny.”
“Fuck off.”
“Mm, lemme get a cup then.”
Phil shoved on his glasses and stumbled out of bed into the kitchen, Dan following closely behind.
“Where was it again?” He asked, grabbing a wine glass from the cupboard.
They hadn’t really drank much alcohol these past few years– since Dan had gone on antidepressents— but they still always kept the glasses, to drink Ribena and seem fancy.
“No! You’ll need a bigger cup, it’s huge.” He whined.
“Okay,” he grabbed another glass, “where is it?”
“In the lounge last I saw.”
“I’ll go look, you get a piece of paper.”
Genuine terror painted over Dan’s face, “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Christ’s sake Dan, it’s a moth, not an armed burglar. I think you’ll live.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. Now, just go a minute.”
He then ventured into the lounge, still half-drowned by sleep, when he heard a shriek.
“Dan?”
“Phil! Fucking help!”
Anyone else might’ve thought Dan was being held at gunpoint from the panicked way he was yelling.
“Coming!”
He went into the hall; Dan was standing there, paralysed with fear, as a giant moth flew circles around him. He had tears threatening to fall.
“Oh dear,”
Phil went over to the closet and grabbed a broom, spent a few go’s waving it around– and almost hitting Dan in the process— before smacking it head on.
“Aw, now I feel bad for killing it,” He whispered.
Dan was on the floor now, shaking, tears stained down his cheeks. He was in only pants.
And Phil was there.
“Well, the moth’s gone now isn’t it?” He crouched down next to Dan, putting his hands gently on his shoulders.
“Mmm,” Dan had his head tucked in his knees.
“Are you okay?”
Silence.
“That’s fine. Want me to make you some tea?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, in the kitchen, with dried cheeks; “I can’t believe how much of a wimp I am.”
The kettle rang, and Phil took it off the stove carefully.
“No —”
“I know, I know, my therapist told me. 'It’s never weak to have fears’. But I cried over a fucking moth. In our hallway. It’s late and –”
“– and that’s okay.”
“It’s not okay Phil!”
“It’s fine in the moment, that’s what I mean.”
He grabbed a NASA mug, and poured the boiling water in a teapot.
“I must be exhausting.”
Phil dropped in a teabag.
He still remembered. It was a promise made at 4am; a promise over Skype to a more-than-slightly-terrified eighteen year old.
A promise made to a bunch of pixel’s with a name and a face and fear.
A promise his Dan probably didn’t even remember, honestly.
“No, I promised that much.”
“Mhm,”
He poured the tea.
“So, two sugars or three?”
“Two.”
——
[Friday; 02.16.18; 05:12]
——
Dan was on the sofa; snuggled up in blankets and watching the winter Olympics through his small Iphone screen. His eyes were heavy, he yawned.
Their bedroom door squeaked opened.
“Hey,” Phil spoke quietly.
“Up so late?”
“You’re up too.”
“Well — I’m watching the Olympics. You know it’s on late in the UK.”
“Alright.” Phil shuffled into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and leaving the cupboard door wide open.
“Why are you awake?”
“Just another nightmare, s'fine.”
“Then why did you come out here?”
His voice might’ve been read as upset – he was just tired. Half the time Dan honestly didn’t mean to come off so rude.
“Dunno,”
“What was it about?”
“Uh — I think my family was trapped, you included, and I was the only person who could save them. But I had to do something… I think, I had to open a lock to somewhere? But I was too nervous. I saw everyone die; I knew it was my fault. I saw – you know, blood. Not too much. But it’s fine.”
As he spoke, he went over to the sink and got a glass of water, adding iced-cubes; his tone was unnaturally cool and casual.
“But I heard your skull shatter –”
“What the fuck —”
“Sorry! You asked though.”
“No – I mean, that’s horrible. Jesus christ, are you okay?”
Phil shrugged, “It happens, it’s okay though. Just a dream.”
It was only at that moment Dan noticed Phil’s eyes were a little too redded, his words a little bit shaky.
Phil started back to their room.
“Are you going back to sleep?”
“Probably.” His reply was tired.
“Oh – uh, well, why don’t you stay with me and watch the Olympics? I know you’ve never really cared, not your thing, but still I think that —”
“Sure! I’ll stay, yeah.” Phil quickly answered.
“Okay.”
Phil put his glass of water back down on the counter, and walked over to the sofa. Dan opened up his blanket fort and invited Phil in.
“These are the men’s single runs.”
“Mhm,” Phil nuzzled his head into Dan’s neck, which usually would’ve bothered him, but he didn’t mind so much.
A few minutes pass, “So what’s that guy supposed to be doing? I need your commentary; you know.”
I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down.
“Well, that’s the Japanese lead skater, which means —”
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tinyrats · 4 years ago
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hi yimmy!! i was wondering how you balance so many aspects of your life (your art zine work, working out, school work etc.) and if u had any tips? im not in the best place mentally, and i want to have that kind of balance in my life too but it’s really hard :( I also wanted to say it’s amazing how you do it!! i hope you have a good day ily!!❤️
omg. i typed up a whole essay and i was like “wow this is too much” but this ask feels really loaded (to me) so i deleted the whole thing and im summarizing shit that ive jus tried to like learn i guess in bullet points
i think the real issue with this shit is just internalizing the concept that it doesnt make you a failure to not be able to juggle a bunch of different shit in your life and that you need to be patient and compassionate, minding your own individual limits. im not doing so hot rn myself and guess what!! ive only been able to go to the gym once or twice a week since the semester started. i used to get rly hung up about that (i just tend towards self hate in general) but im keeping in mind that im just transitioning into a new life with more responsibilities so i have to prioritize where my limited energy goes and i cant 100% fulfill what i desire/think i have to do
when i compare my “failures” to other peoples success thats to the detriment of both parties since im making myself feel bad and im dehumanizing someone by not acknowledging what their own personal struggles are
and that being said, a lot of people also have a bunch of privileges that you might not!! i get to go to therapy and im officially diagnosed and have access to medication for my illnesses, ive had a relatively supportive family (at the very least, theyve been supportive financially by including me in their insurance and giving me free housing which honestly is the only shit that matters lol) 
THAT BEING SAID..TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT RESOURCES U CAN HAVE LOL. if you have any CHANCE of being able to go to therapy, go OUT OF YOUR WAY to research a therapist youd be interested in/who specializes in your specific issues!! if you have problems at school, there are probably a bunch of staff members (TALK TO UR ACADEMIC COUNSELOR..) who are literally hired to help you with issues and have been helping ppl like you forever!! some schools have on-campus psychologists!! talk to your professors about accommodations or extensions!! they probably dont want you failing your class!! ive been really surprised by how nice some of my professors are and have had really fulfilling discussions with them after disclosing struggles in their classes 
just do what ur capable of. sometimes thats not a lot but at least youre trying your best. i wasnt ready to move out and go to university so i stuck to a community college and im genuinely feeling more fulfilled than i have in a really long time
acknowledge that ur not gonna do well 100% of the time lol. im intimate with this concept cuz im literally diagnosed with a form of bipolar disorder. i have really bad ups and downs sometimes like its just inevitable given my constitution. what u CAN do about that is try to alleviate the downs to maintain a healthier balance between your moods.. like when i feel myself getting into a bad place i try to be active and talk about it with other people AND do shit like..eat healthier, get rest (FULFILLING rest not like..passing out at 4am after not brushing my teeth lol), GO OUTSIDE IF I CAN..therapists help a lot during this period cuz theyll literally instruct you, professionally, on how to avoid real actual breakdowns, or how to recover from them. idk obviously sometimes depression is so severe that its impossible to even fathom engaging in meaningful self care but you just need to tell your friends whats up and seek help when you feel more energized to build a support system and proper coping mechanisms that you can rely on the next time you inevitably feel bad again :( 
uh yea idk. when you say “you juggle all of these responsibilities” dude im STRUGGLING to do so but over the years ive been #blessed and have been able to cultivate a generally positive mindset and ive been working at a SNAILS PACE..it took me over 2 years to get my drivers license and it took me 3 semesters to decide that i was ready to become a full-time student etc. pace yourself, have friends/professionals gently nudge you when you dont wanna do shit, and understand that your limits dont reflect any inherent failure and if you choose to push them, you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but be understanding with yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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dreamlike-remade · 4 years ago
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leah @chillylou tagged me in a thing and i thought i’d do it at 4am last night but i got too tired and didn’t finish so i just completed it and it’s almost 4am again wow
list 10 of your recent music faves and tag 10 mutuals
1. dizzy - waterparks & gloom boys - waterparks // not only do these songs just sound hella fucking good and listening to them makes me go hard as hECK, i just really love the lyrics? to both of them! i’m so amazingly happy that this band is relevant in my life and that i got to see them live which is what made me fall in love even more
2. she had the world - panic! at the disco // i get so happy singing along to this even though i’m borderline tone deaf...... this song makes me feel so calm and content and i think the lyrics are very cute and clever
3. if i believe you - the 1975 // ok so putting into words how amazing i think this song is will be very hard, but i think it’s lyrically genius and also extremely beautiful and i’m not sure why but it means a lot to me and it’s just a quality song my pals
4. 12 feet deep - the front bottoms // you know those songs that when you listen to them you just wanna be in the car, you and your friends are driving around aimlessly at night, and you just wanna play the song and you’re all singing your hearts out and you feel so happy and content and it’s as though in that moment every problem in your life is irrelevant because this song is playing and you’re all having such a good time? that’s this song
5. missing you - all time low // so atl has been my favorite band since i was 15 idk why i just love all the members and i always have a good time listening to their music like i don’t think there’s one song by them that i really don’t like. but this song means so god damn much to me. i love the lyrics and what it’s talking about. i like to listen to it when im feeling very low and sometimes i’m trying to sing along but i’m sobbing so it sounds awful, but the song normally makes me feel less alone with what i feel and i guess it feels personal? idk it just means a lot to me and i remember hearing it for the first time and how instantly i fell in love. i’m pretty sure atl will always have a special place in my heart
6. seeing blind - niall horan // this song is very cute and i love the whole vibe and tone of it and and it might just be my favorite song on niall’s album and also its cheesy and i think about my gf whenever i listen to it and i just ... ugh i love this whole entire album so got damn much tbh
7. hayloft - mother mother & oblivion - grimes // my gf showed me these songs and i rly rly like it bc 1. i think they sound super cool and 2. i cant help but to think of vas every time i hear them and i love listening to the music she likes bc i feel more connected to her somehow? i think the music a person likes tells u a lot about them and ya im gay
8. your graduation - modern baseball // i would hear about modern baseball everywhere and so one day i decided to listen to them and i started with the most popular on spotify and this song was #1 and when i heard it i fell in love? and i enjoyed the others but this one just stuck out to me (probs why it’s #1 lmao) but then i got out of a relationship and and this was a go to song to listen to if i wanted to get into my feels and even though it had that negative connotation to it, it really doesnt give me that vibe anymore and i still rly love the song 
9. every song by blackpink // they only have 5 rn but uhhh blackpink is the reason i got into kpop bc before my brother showed me them i had this annoying grudge against the genre and maybe it was because of the songs he would play? or maybe the stigma idk bc i still am not a fan of the songs he likes the most.... but blackpink is the one and only kpop group that i pay attention to and that i would consider myself a fan of? like i definitely enjoy other songs by other groups and solo artists but i don’t think i “stan” them like i do blackpink. i love those ladies a whole lot!!!!
10. i wanted to put a one direction song on this list but it’s very hard to figure out which one is my current favorite bc every time i think i’ve decided on one i’m like wait..... what about that one? and then i thought i’d put my favorite from each album but i can’t even do that so just one direction in general but that probably came as no surprise heh
i definitely struggled to not put “this song has me feelin some type of way” for every single song and/or artist i’ve listed above kassfklasjfdsf but it’s the truth and that’s why these are my current favorites bc of the way they make me feel. i really love music and how much emotion it can show and how much it can make you think and feel (also i definitely cheated bc there’s way more than 10 things so oops)
i tag: @sensitiv @jound @softwish glares at all 3 of you bc you probably wont do this (which is ok) and i dont have anyone else i feel comfortable tagging so .
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little-seed · a year ago
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Now that I’ve written three different drafts for an analysis I deleted on accident and cant remember the exact details of (over 2500 words…..that much I can remember bc i checked before finishing up), I’m just gonna simplify it as much as I can? so I can at the very least get the words out, and then let my brain focus on other things??? 
(not to say that i dont think that what ive got here isnt what i want it to be - its more of a general sense of frustration towards the whole thing. cant do anything abt that tho, it is what it is) 
under the cut: a breakdown of the song “Alaska”, by Magic Bronson, with parallels drawn to the Big Cleanup Arc in mp100
not 100% how exactly this is gonna look, but I really am going to make it as simple as possible despite my tendancy to be long-winded (I cannot seem to make myself focus despite very very v e r y much wanting to,,,,) 
~~~
[Verse 1] They think you’re losing your mind They say you’re running too hot  You’ve seen the sun come up, every day you’re on this block You know you’re out of control Wasting your time You can’t keep it up if you want to survive If you want to survive [x2]
This first verse is Kamuro/Ritsu based. 
They think you’re losing your mind They say you’re running too hot 
These lines point at the student body’s general opinion towards Kamuro’s actions, at least by the end of the arc. Regardless of the original intent (which would require a whole different thing to pick apart Ritsu’s role/intent from behind the scenes), there’s an overall sense of concern and dissatisfaction. Its even brought to Tokugawa’s attention, meaning that it must be a widespread sentiment. 
You’ve seen the sun come up, every day you’re on this block
This part ties into both Kamuro and Ritsu. It applies to both during the Cleanup, and after Kamuro is targeted by the school gangs. 
For Ritsu, this is a callback to his anxieties and inner turmoil surrounding his actions during the Cleanup - to the point where he literally gains psychic powers. He’s self-deprecating to the point of a constant negative-feedback loop, keeping him stuck in this “block” that he and Kamuro have created for themselves. 
For Kamuro, its the slightly-after part of the Cleanup. His bad decisions and self-absorbed power trip have come back to haunt him; he refuses to even go to school over it (although I’d argue that getting beaten up everyday is a pretty valid reason to not attend). 
You know you’re out of control Wasting your time
This is mostly Ritsu. It’s that part of him that’s painfully self-aware of how his actions are impacting the people around him (due to constant vigilance around his brother). Ritsu knows that the whole Cleanup is an incomplete solution - “wasting your time" - but he’s gone too far to back out now. That fact is admitted to several times. It doesn’t stop his fear/trauma response though, and he keeps with the Cleanup facade in order to achieve his own ends. 
Its a solid parallel to “obtained loss”, in my opinion.
~~~
[Chorus] He came here but you can’t rescue him You just broke down what was left of him, now You’ve got to survive Yeah, yeah Ah, now he’s gone and got the best of him You just broke down what was left of him, now You’ve got to survive Oh, no
We shift more to a Tokugawa/Ritsu perspective for the chorus. 
He came here but you can’t rescue him You just broke down what was left of him, now You’ve got to survive
The whole section here is Tokugawa’s attempt to talk sense into Kamuro (his friend. they are friends.) Tokugawa makes a few separate efforts to covince Kamuro to step back and assess the negative impacts that the Cleanup is having on both himself and the student body - all of which only served to break down Kamuro’s mental state further.
“You’ve got to survive” is a plea of sorts from Tokugawa, asking Kamuro to make it through this mess (literal and metaphorical) he’s gotten himself into in one piece. 
Ah, now he’s gone and got the best of him You just broke down what was left of him, now You’ve got to survive
This is Ritsu’s half of the chorus. Ritsu’s role in Kamuro’s…..uh, decline? (i cant think of a better word rn rip) is pretty damn obvious. 
Its still an important connection to make, though! The Cleanup was technically Ritsu’s idea first, but the purpose was certainly warped by Kamuro’s influence. In turn, the direction that Kamuro took the Cleanup is what pushed Ritsu into manipulating Kamuro’s position (“got the best of him”) for his own goals. 
Ritsu’s “you’ve got to survive" is less of a suggestion, and far more an insistence - a demand, even. For Ritsu to complete his self-assigned mission, he needs Kamuro to survive the damage that Ritsu is subjecting him to. 
~~~
[Verse 2] You haven’t travelled a mile, but man you’ve been to Alaska And 4am looks really good through your rose-coloured glasses You’re headed out to a party, up the stairs to a loft Your body might collapse, but you can’t stop [x2]
Verse 2 brings Kamuro/Ritsu back into the focus, but this time a bit more jointly.
You haven’t travelled a mile, but man you’ve been to Alaska
The ego boost that both boys gained from their respective power trips is represented here. The metaphor is fairly clear: neither of them have truly improved in status or real power, but it feels like they have. (the whole point of mp100 is that powers don’t make you special or powerful on their own; that’s a lesson Ritsu doesnt learn until later)
And 4am looks really good through your rose-coloured glasses
This one’s simple: bad decisions look really good when you’re looking at them through a selfish lense. 
You’re headed out to a party, up the stairs to a loft Your body might collapse, but you can’t stop
I remember having a really solid connection for this part in my original draft, but havent been able to figure out what the heck it was,,,, so these lines are a total blank for me. Open interpretation, maybe? 
~~~
[Chorus] He came here but you can’t rescue him You just broke down what was left of him, now You’ve got to survive Yeah, yeah Ah, now he’s gone, it got the best of him You just broke down what was left of him, now You’ve got to survive Oh, no
And here’s the chorus again, just for good measure :^)
Something I think is worth mentioning is that the verses in this song are each repeated twice. The analysis I’ve made for them often split each verse/chorus into two characters. Considering how the actual song is….performed? it could easily look something like this instead: 
• Verse 1–A: Kamuro
• Verse 1–B: Ritsu 
• Chorus 1: Tokugawa/Ritsu
• Verse 2–A: Ritsu
• Verse 2–B: Kamuro 
• Chorus 2: Kamuro/Ritsu
Of course, this is all a matter of opinion - I’d love to hear your thoughts on it all! I know this isnt nearly as in-depth as I wanted it to be, but its got all the core points that I can remember. i’m happy with it :^D 
~~~
As for….well, I’d love love lovveeee to write the longest essay ever about every single point you made on my AU, but i have no idea how i’d go about that without, just. So Many Spoilers???? instead i’m gonna start working more on pt4 for you!!!! we’re hitting the first major “plot” point, and its should be lots of fun ;^))
another thing i can vaguely recall talking about the first time was my appreciation that you took the time to,,, remind me that you wouldnt be bothered if I wasnt able to reply to any particular message to me (for any variety of reasons). I thanked you then, so consider it a double thank you, for being so thoughtful about that. 
you’ve mentioned it a few times - about how i sound like i’m going thru it, just based on little snippets from our conversations. you’re not!! entirely wrong! which is never fun to admit, or hear, but i can promise you that i’m doing alright. 
thank you for your kind words surrounding that, too :’^) they’re always appreciated, even if i dont say it directly (bc those kinds of appreciated-back words are hard and are usually expressed thru reciprocal action for me, so,,,,,, yeah)
anyway!!!!!!!! I hope you’re having a good day/night/awake-time! your desire to eat a chocolate orange like an apple deeply frightens me (in a “but why" kind of way, not a bad way), and I wish u luck in finding one soon 🍫🍊
oh…… man there was something i was going to tell you but i cant remember now? hmmmmm i’ll sleep and maybe then it’ll come back to me
mm yep thats it! goodnight now!! 🌙🌙 
——
(ok i also saved this in a separate place, for good measure.)
ANALYSIIIIIIIS yes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes
yes.
your brain. 
you think about things very differently than i do, and i’m soooo glad you share. thank you, Friend. always. PLUS it’s been a reasonably long while since i’ve seen any season 1 arcs (besides the 7th division arc) discussed in depth anywhere??? (also i am just not looking) so this is a TREAT. hello, kamuro! hello tokugawa! HELLO LONSTANDING CANON RELATIONSHIPS RITSU HAS WITH OTHER KIDS.
your long-windedness is always appreciated, so no worries there, but i am also having an incredibly difficult time focusing, and for me that means this might be... all over the place. pardon.
(what is this tho.... like.. analysis/songfic crossover. songnonfic...? i’m here for it. you’re great. this should become a trend, it’s rly fun to chew on (and it’s not like ppl aren’t doing it with character playlists and song associations anyway!!!))
all right that’s a lot of preamble (pre-ramble..) idk how to transition rn so--
Verse (V) 1--A: yes. also, it’s kind of funny, how part of ritsu could see it as wasting his time, but kamuro, for kamuro it’s like he finally has a sense of purpose. he was accused of wasting his time before, by his mom and brother. which doesn’t fit with your analysis very well, but it’s a nice contrast btwn ritsu and kamuro’s motivations i think? or... povs? AH but then--jumping to the beginning of V2--B, yeah, kamuro hasn’t “improved” or moved anywhere. so, even if he doesn’t see it in the moment, all the wrongdoings he’s committing really are wasting his time. what he wants is a better relationship with his family, and abusing his power at school isn’t going to give him that. for him, the end of the verse is kind of like an omniscient forewarning. 
V 1--B tho: i wonder... if you’re going too easy on ritsu right here. mostly just the “he’s gone too far to back out now” part. but. i wanna get into that a bit later where i think it’ll fit better.
YES TO THE CHORUS. yes to the chorus, yes. also????? can we acknowledge that kamuro went to tokugawa *first* with the recorder plot, in the manga? and tokugawa turned him down, tried to talk him out of it. he was so sure that ritsu, too, would turn him down that he left before their argument had finished. i wonder how much guilt tokugawa felt he took part in. how must have he been feeling while the whole thing was going down? both as a friend and as a councilmember. a huge part of his character is how astute he is, yet he failed to see the signs of his friend’s impending break, and--while he didn’t fail to sum up ritsu, he did fail to follow that observation through to its logical conclusion: that ritsu was just a first year, was incredibly bright and skilled and talented. clever. thoughtful. hiding. he failed to see ritsu as vulnerable as he really was. they’re all just kids.
and i think that’s a good place to bring up--
kamuro *does* easily target and manipulate ritsu. though ritsu is perceptive enough to be aware he’s being targeted, the angle kamuro approaches him with catches him off guard–and he does fall for it. he lets his emotions get the better of him, and he knows it; but it’s not until after the high wears off, when he and kamuro are alone after framing onigawara, when kamuro is giggling about onigawara’s “despair of not being able to solve something by fighting” (in the anime; the manga scene is very different)–it’s not until then that it really hits ritsu what he’s just done. yes, he sympathizes with onigawara, but just as much, i’d say, it’s because in that moment he identifies with onigawara. in the anime, he’s staring at his upside-down reflection in a spoon while kamuro’s words play through his head. “The despair of not being able to solve something by fighting.” ritsu himself brings up later on in the alleyway with shigeo how this has brought about the rift between them. in the moment ritsu’s looking at the spoon he sees himself as the perpetrator and the one being perpetrated against. just like onigawara was that morning, ritsu is misunderstood, he’s ineffectual, he’s desperate, he’s useless, he’s not in control.  
until he decides otherwise.
now, him chucking the spoon in the awakening lab could have been his pivotal moment. he’d gotten an up-close look at himself as a fool, both in onigawara’s shoes and kamuro’s. the powerless and the powerful. he chucks the spoon and angrily asks himself what he is doing. you’re right, he knows he’s wasting his time and that the big cleanup is an incomplete solution--and he could have ended it right there. in fact, i think he would have, had dimple not been at the house and at the ready to be the second one to take advantage of ritsu’s emotional state. and ritsu’s aware, yet again, that he’s being taken advantage of, but finding out that he does indeed have psychic powers changes the ENTIRE ballgame. it’s not about being a fool anymore. it’s about being his brother.
he is now taking on the role of his brother. not shigeo, per se, but the monster of his brother he’s made up in his head. *that’s* where ritsu’s power trip starts. 
NOOOO IT’S 12:01 don’t look at meeeee i know i said morning but i got carried away uhhh IT’S STILL MORNING ON THE WEST COAST i didn’t specify whose morning, it’s fine. it’s fine. it’s fifngnsf it’s 12:02 ahem excuse me sorry oh shoot i lost track of what i was saying uhhh anyway--
*that’s* when ritsu falls off the precipice of kamuro’s fool’s paradise, into having to confront his sense of right and wrong. weigh it against his newfound psychic powers. and ultimately throw the concept of right and wrong to wayside when his trauma tips the scale the way everyone in the audience expects it to. (ritsu’s..... a pretty tragic character, huh. at least, he would be if shigeo weren’t so determined to live in a slice-of-life anime rather than the shounen that he got, lol)
up until this point, ritsu’s seen himself as powerless. now he’s got a seemingly tangible goal in mind, and a seemingly doable method of achieving it. he has an answer to his question of “what am i doing?” and what he is doing is hurting others to hurt himself to gain power and not be afraid anymore. now he gets to be in control of the narrative of the powers that hurt him when he was little through maladaptive coping.
but remember his reflection in the spoon was upside down.
ritsu’s not lining up with himself. he doesn’t at all have a handle on his emotions. he knows he’s being irrational. he tries to rationalize his irrationality. he says the violence has no reason. yet he’s giving it meaning. he does not know how to let go!!!!!!! let go kid, just drop it!!!!!!!! put it down! he thinks he’s obtained a loss of limits, but really, he’s just obtained a pretty standard stage of adolescent self-discovery through very very very violent and convoluted means. 
(AND OKAY THIS IS A TANGENT I AM NOT GETTING INTO BUT I JUSt WANT TO MENTION: teru and sakurai parallels??? yes? yes, teru and sakurai parallels in the 7th division building when reigen’s pulling sakurai out of his childish thinking? RITSU AND KOYAMA PARALLELS in the alleyway. okay that is all.)
but yeah, ritsu uses the student body, he uses kamuro, and he makes sure to break him once he’s done with him. ritsu’s not one to leave loose ends. besides--how else would he end the Big Cleanup, if not with cleaning up the final piece of scum floating around the school? :^)
which is all a very longwinded way of lopsidedly circling back to your “but he’s gone too far to back out now.” what i mean to say is that i don’t think that statement is wrong, it just felt a little premature, is all. and that could *entirely* be due to the 1,000 left-out words in this abridged version of your original analysis!
hmm where were we... V2???
YES TO V2. did i already say yes to the chorus? YES TO THE CHORUS, YES TO V2. 
i’ve been stumped trying to interpret the last couple lines, too. i guess reading it as straightforwardly as possible, the “youre headed out to a party...body might collapse, but you can’t stop” part makes me think of ritsu going to the awakening lab (p sure the training room is upstairs??); going to school; fighting different schools’ gangmembers--using and growing his power and powers like he’s enjoying it, despite how much it’s really tearing him up inside. yknow, all that previously mentioned internal discord. idk how to interpret it for kamuro tho....
maybe for kamuro, it ties once again into wasting his time with abusing power. he’s doing all this extra work framing people (and then getting beat up). it’s surely eating into his free time that he’s supposed to be spending studying. he’s probably further exhausting himself on top of everything else. :^( boo, self-destruction.
okay that’s all i got.
OH SHOOT THAT’S REALLY LONG ACTUALLY uhhhhhm, well those are my thoughts, i guess! i do not have the concentration to reread it all for typos or anything, i just see big daunting blocks of grammatically horrendous text.. if that’s what you see when you try to read it, i’m sorry!! if it’s difficult to read, i can go back and edit it ;c;
also if i’ve totally misunderstood something, like, please correct me. or if you just. have More words. that’s. more than ok. that’s rly cool. aw shit it’s 1pm yikes. yike-ohs. cool. OH or if anything that i’ve said is incomprehensible in some way, i could try my best to clarify, too.
~~~
okay a swishy here too, to saaaay
8^) should i be scared abt the pkmnAU?? fuck, part 3 ended on a cliffhanger, didn’t it. uhhhhhhhhhhh fuck? uh oh???? plot points mean conflict, and the boys have already been thru so much,, im scared. also very excited. v e r y.
and im glad you had a good weekend!!!!!!!! full of yummy friends and loving baked goods!!! hope it helped with your Goin Thru It. a nice repose?? you mentioned........ in a different submission why this time of year is difficult, and then february is coming up, so it’s just an overall Extra Nice Things For Nap time, ok? nice and cozy, that’s all. if you want it to be!! (if u don’t, tho, if it’s too awkward or something pls let me know..)
oh my gosh i had two mugs of green tea today i am feelin it. don’t be frightened of the orange apple, Nap. embrace it. embrace the orange apple and celebrate the raw, muscular power of the human mandible. mastication is amazing, if we just let it be. (dang, there’s not an emoji for teeth, which is equal parts disappointment and HUGE relief.)
ok sleep time gn! hope u have a swell afternoon!
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deerlulu · 4 years ago
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˗ˏˋ  5 things tag ˊˎ˗
♡ thanks @kihani​ for tagging me tho im not that interesting lmaooo five things you’ll find in my bag - headphones - lip balm - cigarettes - passport - elastic hair band
five things you’ll find in my room - a framed picture of luhan (its v cute) - my two plastic tiaras and one metal (? i think) one - dog hair. tons of dog hair. - a small fireplace that i dont use but is doing ok - two red toy cars, dont ask...........
five things I’ve always wanted to do - travel around places but im stuck in holiday packages... fml im too scared and broke - get my own dog i guess, something ive thought will happen eventually - i dont have many ambitions i cant think of any more things haha get rich and have kids - get a tattoo with my big sis - dye my hair black
five things that make me happy - when people surprise me by buying me sweets / giving me sweets to eat - listening to my fav music - food, bonus if its fast food and its 4am and im having gravings - materialistic things because i rarely buy stuff (like clothes, make up etc) - getting together with friends, having a good laugh and bad ideas
five things I’m currently into - painting my nails (always the same color tho and rn my nails are ruined because of stress) - telling our hound shes a small baby and regretting when she sits on me - some weird heart shaped candies idk theyre good?? - playing my bf’s new game when hes not in the room (its destiny2 and i can only shoot people like a sniper, i dont even know how to run so im not really playing) - lotioning my body because winter is coming
five things on my to-do list - go through my drawers and throw out stuff that i dont use/need - keep my room in order so its easier to clean - buy a new laundry basket - finish a photoshop manip im doing for my co-worker - scout with 120 love gems for eli on her birthday event on love live school idol festival if anyone wants to do this, feel free to say i tagged u ~
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