Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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I think a really fun idea to explore with Tim would be the idea of him having Hyperthymesia.
Hyperthymesia is an ability that allows people to recall almost every event of their life in great detail. It's extremely rare and honestly doesn't have that much research done on it, but recent studies have suggested that people with this ability are limited to autobiographical memories, people with HSAM sometime tend to show symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and may demonstrate obsessive tendencies.
I think it would be an interesting way to explain why Tim was able to recall his first meeting with Dick Grayson and connect the dots to seeing Robin. Tim does display a lot of obsessive behaviours, and while he doesn't really physically display compulsion (like someone with OCD would typically display) there certainly is a strong case to be made for him potentially having it.
But also, can you imagine how fucking horrible it would be for Tim to remember each and every traumatic thing that ever happens to him as a hero and those memories just never fading. Yes, it would make him a better detective and allow him to be arguably smarter than your average joe, but at what cost?
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Of course it's fucking THESEUS
okay. i havent shut up about the greek myth aspects of Simon's story and i wont stop now. At first it was a statue of Persephone in the garden, with it's head replaced to be Betty, giving the implication that Betty is the Persephone to Simon's Hades, and it was Simon's status as an antiquarian. and now we've gotten Simon being a huge nerd and bringing up Theseus completely unprompted (so real)
a bit of context in case you need it, Theseus was one of those greek "legendary Heroes" (Achilles, Heracles, etc.), and previously King of Athens, but had managed to dodge most bad things that happen to Greek heroes. he was just stupid and i guess they took pity on him.
The Ship of Theseus or "Theseus' Paradox", which I'd imagine all of tumblr knows by now, but if you don't, is the question on whether if a ship, specifically Theseus', is still the same ship after having all of its parts replaced exactly. To me this makes for such an obvious connection to Simon. Simon's story factors around identity, first and foremost. (yknow. "I Remember You" and all that?) The concept of not knowing what you are fundamentally was originally Ice King's thing, as his previous life as Simon was essentially history. But now that's being brought to Simon. and Simon has the lucidity to process what that means for him.
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It's Will that gives him the idea.
"we don't really celebrate father's day anymore," he had said awkwardly, "but I can't hang out anyway."
"why not?" Dustin demanded. He was gonna end up bored and alone because he didn't celebrate the holiday and everyone else had plans. he had been counting on Will to keep him company.
"I'm gonna get Jonathan a new record and I want to listen to it with him," he said.
"can't he get his own records? C'mon, we could go to the arcade or something."
"no, Dustin," his tone took on a stubborn edge that made Dustin pause. "He's my brother and I love him, and he's the only guy besides Bob who's ever even tried to look out for me. So I'm sorry but I'm gonna be busy on Sunday."
Dustin didn't argue after that but it did get him thinking which is why on Sunday morning he biked all the way over to Loch Nora and started banging on Steve's door.
"what do you want, Henderson?" Steve sighed the most dramatic put upon sigh Dustin had ever heard.
"you're not my dad--"
"wow you really are genius!"
"shut up, shut up, listen to me!"
"okay, geez, I'm listening."
"you're not my dad and I don't want you to be my dad. I don't even really want a dad! Lots of dads aren't even that great and my mom already has the single parent thing down. But you taught me how to do my hair and how to talk to girls - even though that advice sucked, I didn't need it to get Suzie at all - and you're gonna teach me how to drive--"
"woah, hey, no I never said I'd do that, wh--"
"--and you've saved my life but I think we're even because I've saved your life too."
"Henderson don't you have anything better to do than harass me in my own home?" Steve said. he was using that exasperated tone he got when he knew he wasn't keeping up with what was going on but didn't want to admit it.
"actually no I don't but I'm here for a reason," he reached into his backpack and took out the gift he clumsily wrapped with scraps of brown paper bags. He shoved it into Steve's hands. "You're basically the only adult male figure in my life. And I appreciate you."
Steve squinted at the gift and then at Dustin and at the gift again before he said fussily "is this a prank? If something gross explodes from this, I swear to god, I'll--"
"Just open it, Steve!"
"Fine, fine, keep your shirt on," Steve said and tore off the paper. He blinked and in a softer tone said, "Oh."
"I don't know if you even like making models but I know you love cars and this kit looked just like yours, so yeah."
Steve stared at the kit some more. Dustin started to fidget. It was always better to be honest with your feelings but maybe this was too much for Steve. Maybe Steve didn't like him as much as Dustin did. Steve was not as enlightened about these things as Dustin.
"I've never made a model before."
Dustin hunched his shoulders and tried not to feel stupid or hurt. He should have expected this. They weren't even related. This was probably too weird. He reached out to take the gift back.
"it's fine, I can return it, whatever."
Steve raised the kit out of Dustin's reach.
"Hey, this is mine," he said.
"you don't even like it!"
"I never said that! I'm just gonna need a dweeby little nerd to help me build it. You know anybody like that?" Steve asked, batting his eyes innocently.
"you're such a dick," Dustin grumbled, fighting back a grin.
"watch your language!"
"shut up, you're not my dad."
Steve laughed as Dustin shoved his way into the house. Hours later, after much shouting and ribbing and one incident of spilled paint, a small model of the beemer was left to dry while Steve forced Dustin to watch the baseball game on TV with him. It wasn't the worst thing ever, and after Steve mentioned the statistics involved, it got way more interesting ("of course you'd like the math part, you weirdo" "you don't understand the stats do you" "shut up and watch the game, Henderson"). When the paint was dry, Dustin followed Steve upstairs and watched him carefully and deliberately place the model between a couple of sports trophies.
"yeah, I guess it looks pretty cool," Steve said with exaggerated nonchalance. "Now beat it, kid. your mom's gonna freak if you're not home when she gets back from work."
"can you give me a ride?"
"ugh, fine."
Dustin grinned. This had been, hands down, the best father's day ever. From the look on Steve's face when he placed the model, Dustin was pretty sure he agreed.
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There is a reason why Ranpo often struggles with getting lost/finding his way back home
This might seem like a far fetched beginning, but for this to be clear I do need to explain one pretty easy to understand (I prommy) math concept - a random walk. In math, a random walk describes a path consisting of random steps in some sort of mathematical space. A path of a molecule in a gas is a random walk, and individual foraging animal's movement is a random walk, and even your Tw*tter follow suggestions use a random walk process. I have heard of it from Markov's chains and computer science. You might not have heard of it at all which is both valid and understandable. The important parts are:
1) a random walk is. well. a random walk;
2) In Japanese, while most commonly referred to by its transliterated name, ランダムウォーク (literally 'random walk' in katakana), a random walk can also be called 乱歩, with 乱 meaning 'disordered' and 歩 meaning 'path.
If you (unlike me) know Japanese, you already see where I am going with this - yes, 乱歩 reads as 'Ranpo'. It is, in fact, the same 'Ranpo' as in our beloved detectives name, Edogawa Ranpo!
So Ranpo's general directionally challenges nature could be a nod towards his name, meaning that he probably gets lost easily and struggles with routes due to taking random detours and turns (just like a random walk ^-^)
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