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crazyunsexycool · 2 years

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Is this where it ends?

Pairing Stucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst mostly, Idiots Steve and Bucky.

A/N: I was going to do this as a one shot but I liked where this ended. Will for sure have a second part up soon. Not beta’d.

Master list

Part 2

The impact of Steve’s words were lost on you initially. Walking into a shouting match was not what you expected to do at the end of the work day. But there you were standing in the doorway and stunned as your boyfriends yelled at each other. It was unlike anything you had seen in the year-long relationship between the three of you or in the year before they asked you out and it was just them. Of course there were arguments amongst the three of you. Three different personalities clashed from time to time. It was normal to have differences of opinion. So when Steve said he couldn’t do this anymore you thought he meant he didn’t want to argue anymore.

You couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Bucky, baby what happened?” You took a tentative step and then another until you reached your boyfriend. He sat at the edge of the bed leaning forward with his arms resting on his thighs. He looked completely defeated. Kneeling in front of him you see that he’s trying to hold back tears. The dam breaks as you cup his cheeks, your thumbs catching the first few tears. The sobs coming from Bucky are heartbreaking and all you can do is try to comfort him before he gets up, wipes his eyes and says he needs some fresh air.

Neither of them came back to the apartment that night. The only thing replaying in your mind were the last words they spoke to each other.

“I can’t be your crutch for the rest of our lives. You have to learn how to deal with your issues yourself.” Steve shouted.

“I am learning how to deal with them. You always talk about how I never tell you anything and the moment I do this is how you react. Fuck you Steve.”

“Boys, what is going on?” Your question is left unanswered as they glare at each other.

“Fuck this, I can’t do this anymore.”

Steve walks out and you hear the door slamming shut. He didn’t even bother to look at you as he passed you.

It didn’t make sense, the previous day had been peaceful. The three of you had gone about your daily routine and out the door for work, training and mission briefings and now you lay in your king sized bed alone. Unable to sleep, you only caught the end of the fight and Steve’s words were hurtful. It was so out of character for him to lash out in that way to either of you. The only thing that came to mind that could have caused a fight was the recovery mission they had been on overnight. The way they spoke to each other was concerning but you were determined to fix it.

You went a week without seeing either of them. It turned out they both went on separate missions and neither bothered to tell you. Messages went unread and calls were left unanswered. Still you waited for at least one of them to come home but Nat was the one to tell you they each took one of the single rooms on different floors. Sending a sympathetic smile your way as she leaves your apartment within the Avengers towers. It was going on two weeks of silence so you went to look for answers, starting with Steve.

“Hi Steve.” He looks over his shoulder at you and turns back to the punching bag landing a hit. “Are you ok?”

Silence.

“Honey, please talk to me. I miss you. I just want to know what happened. How can I help fix it?”

“Y/N” he hasn’t used your name unless he is introducing you to someone. He catches the swinging bag and turns to look at you. Some of his hair sticks to his forehead, it takes a lot to make him sweat which meant he had been in the gym for a while. “I just need to be alone for a while, please understand.”

“That’s all I want is to understand. What you said to Bu-“

“It’s not your job to fix this.” He interrupts.

You nod. “Ok. If it’s what you want.”

“I’m sorry.” He says and turns back towards the punching bag. Hitting it with such force that it rips. He doesn’t see the tears that spill. Thinking back to the argument between them, the full weight of his words hit you. Your heart starts to break the same way the punching bag had.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

He can’t mean that. Steve just needs some time and then you will fix this together. You think to yourself.

Finding Bucky was just as easy. When he needed time to think, or better yet not think, the library would become his hiding place. He claimed a corner next to a ceiling to floor window as his. He was sitting on the floor with his back to the wall with a book in his hand. Bucky’s eyes flick up for just a moment when he hears footsteps before returning to the book at hand.

“Hi Bucky.” You say quietly. He had dark circles, his hair was greasy and his eyes were bloodshot. He most likely was not sleeping and the thought of him not taking care of himself worried you.

“Can we talk?”

He shakes his head not even looking up at you.

“I just want to help fix this, what can I do baby?”

“There is nothing to fix.” He looked at you and he averted his eyes quickly as if he were ashamed of what had happened.

“You can’t mean that. Baby please. I miss you both so much.”

“I do, I’m sorry.” Is all he says as he stares out the window.

You left the library and made your way through the hallways feeling defeated. It seemed like the only one to want to work through this issue was you. They had given up and you had no idea why. They gave up their year and a half relationship and they gave up their one year relationship with you. It felt like everything you had been through meant nothing to them. You had given yourself to both of them and the relationship. You loved them so fiercely that no relationship before could come close, they were it for you. When thinking of the future it was them who you wanted to share it with. Yet it seems like it wasn’t enough. Your biggest fear once you started dating the super soldiers was that one day one of them wouldn’t come back from a mission. The thought of losing them was always painful and as difficult as it was you tried not to let that fear consume you when they were off on missions. It turns out that this was much worse, you’d still lost them but they were still within reach.

Mindlessly walking through the halls you bump into someone but instead of scolding you for not paying attention they pull you in and wipe away the tears. Tilting your head up you see Clint give you a small smile.

“Come on kid, let's get you upstairs.” He says as he ushers you into the elevator.

He keeps an arm around your shoulder and guides you to your apartment. Clint sits with you on the couch in silence only moving around to grab his phone and send a message. A few minutes later Nat comes in and sits beside you. Letting you cry against her shoulder as Clint held your hand. Nat and Clint were the first of the Avengers you had met. Nat was your best friend and Clint quickly became the older brother you never had. They looked out for you from the start so it was no surprise that they would help you through this.

It had been a month since you had tried to talk to them. You were constantly worrying about their well-being and that was enough for you to barely sleep or eat and when you did eat you barely managed to keep it down. The stress of the break up and all the planning for the mission you were needed on was taking its toll.

You had dabbled a little bit of extra concealer to hide the dark circles you had before the start of the mission briefing. If they hadn’t checked up on you in the last few weeks you wouldn’t let them see you like this. They would have to think you were moving on. But their indifference when you walked into the meeting room was chipping away at the sadness and it was making way for anger. They didn’t spare one glance your way, and they made sure to sit as far as possible from each other.

The meeting had lasted longer than necessary. Half of what was talked about had already been discussed. It didn’t make sense that half of the team was here since they weren’t going on the mission. Everyone stood quickly to make their way out of the conference room blocking the path for Steve, Bucky and yourself. You caught on to their plan faster than they thought you would and you caught Sam, who was in front of you, by the arm and forced him to face you. Guilt written all over his face.

“Don’t you dare think you’re going to lock us in here.” You seethed.

“It wasn’t even my idea.” He says quickly, putting his hands up in surrender.

Looking around the room you noticed the team had stayed in place. You weren’t one to be so angry so your tone caught their attention. Steve and Bucky kept their heads down standing close to the other door so that they could leave. Looking at their posture alone you knew they were tense. Shoulders squared away and jaws clenched. They are not who you want to be stuck in a room with at the moment.

“Why don’t you all mind your business and focus on preparing for the mission.” You snap before turning on your heel and leaving the room before they try anything else.

Tears threatened to spill but you were tired of crying over them. Up in your apartment you packed your bag for the mission. Trying to calm down and focus on what’s important before going down to the lab and double checking the equipment you would have to take along. With the checklist done and equipment packed there was nothing left to do but head to the jet along with Tony, Sam, Clint and Nat.

Everything that could have gone wrong with the mission did. The building should have been cleared before you walked in. Your job was to catalog and work with weapons that were left behind. There were rumors that alien technology was being used to create weapons but no one was sure until now. It was quick work with Tony helping but through comms Tony was called to help with an ambush. The last thing you hear through comms is everyone yelling for you to get out of the building.

You blink quickly and sit up as you try to focus on your surroundings. It’s quiet and clean, the smell of disinfectant burning your nose. The beeping of the machines around you confirmed what you knew, you were in a hospital room, hearing F.R.I.D.A.Y you relaxed when you realized you were at the tower. Laying back down, close your eyes and take a deep breath, as you hear the door open a small part hope it’s them you’ll see coming in to make sure you were ok. You can’t say you were disappointed again, not even coming close to death would they put their pride aside and make sure you were ok.

The doctor went over everything with you.This would be the turning point for you. A shift in focus, not more holding out of hope that they would return to you. They would not be your priority anymore.

That night when Clint came in to check on you, you told him you wanted to be done with the job. Explaining that you wanted a small home somewhere quiet and secluded to recover and you wanted as little people to know as possible. Clint agreed and left to help make arrangements. When you were discharged Nat helped you up to your apartment and got you changed.

“Do you want me to stay here with you?” She asked.

“No, I'd rather be alone. I'll probably take a nap.” You say as you shift in bed to try and get comfortable.

“Ok, I’ll be close by so just ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. To get me.” Nat places a kiss on your forehead and heads out.

It took Clint about a week to get everything set up for you. In that time you had hacked F.R.I.D.A.Y. and any other system your information was on and set up your own program so that it would delete all information about it when the time came to leave. You finished out the week packing everything you would need and setting up burner phones for emergencies.

“You’re sure about this kid?” Clint asks as he grabs your luggage and places it in the trunk of the car while you get settled in the passenger’s seat. He quickly gets into the driver’s seat. It’s an old car with no GPS system to be tracked, it’s safer this way less of a chance of someone on the team finding you and trying to bring you back.

“Yeah I’m sure. I need some peace and I won’t be able to get it if I know they’re just a couple of floors away. Being in the hospital alone just showed me it’s really over.”

“There is always a chance that it isn’t. They have a right to-“

“No they don’t, they gave up the right to know anything about me weeks ago. I was the idiot hanging on to this non-existent relationship.” You take a deep breath.“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap at you, I'm just so exhausted.”

“It’s ok, I get it.” Clint grabs your hand and gives it a squeeze. “Just know that Nat and I decided that anytime we have to spar with them we’re gonna kick their asses.”

You giggle and look over at your friend. “Thank you for all of this Clint. I don’t know what I would do with you and Nat.”

“Don’t worry about it kid.”

“Does Nat know the location?”

“Yup, her and Laura are the only ones just in case there is an emergency and I can’t make it to you. Now go on and get some sleep. It's a long drive.”

The rest of the trip went by quickly, switching with Clint so that he could sleep. Getting to your destination you were pleasantly surprised at the home Clint had been able to find for you in such short notice. It was a rancher style home with a wrap around porch. It was perfect and you would never be able to thank Clint enough for his help. He grabs the suitcases and starts towards the house.

“It’s amazing.”

“It’s also fully furnished. All you have to worry about is getting groceries but I had some brought in for you.” He says as he opens the door with you following right behind. He gives you a quick tour, showing you the master bedroom with an en-suite and three guest rooms as well as another bathroom. Both the kitchen and the living room are spacious. The windows were big which let in a lot of natural light. The living room had a fireplace that was ready to use if you’d like. Clint led you to the sliding doors that would allow you access to the back yard.

“Listen I got one, well two more things for you. Since you’re going to be here alone I thought it would be good to have extra protection aside from the alarm system you set up.” He says before opening the door.

There in the middle of the yard were two German Shepherds. Their ears perked up at the sound of the door sliding open and they immediately rushed to greet you both.

“This is Bow and Arrow. They’re highly trained guard dogs. A buddy of mine did the training himself. He gave me a list of commands and we can go over them tomorrow as well. Seems like you won’t have a problem with them liking you though.”

While he talked both dogs began to sniff you. Brushing their heads against your hands so that you would pet them and jumping up and putting their paws on you to lick your face.

“You’re sure these are guard dogs? They are way too friendly.”

“Well when you told me you wanted to move I contacted my friend and I sent him some shirts with your scent on it so the dogs would be familiar with it since we didn’t have the normal introduction period he likes.”

The rest of the night was spent getting used to the new house and updating the alarm system with your own program. Bow and Arrow keeping you company constantly. Clint and you shared dinner and you each went to bed exhausted by the trip. As expected the dogs followed you into your room and you had brought their dog beds in with you so they would at least be comfortable.

Early next morning you shared breakfast with Clint and he was gone with the promise that Laura would be by to check in on you. This was it, just you alone with Bow and Arrow.

Steve regretted the words as soon as he said them. They left a bad taste in his mouth and would rather face a thousand armies than to see the hurt in Bucky’s eyes. He didn’t mean any of them and he was already trying to think of what to say when Bucky spoke and he would have preferred to be punched by the Hulk. than to hear him have to defend himself when it wasn’t necessary. But when he heard you ask what was going on he couldn’t bring himself to face you. Steve knew what you would say, but this was his problem to fix and he wouldn’t drag you into the middle of it. He only meant to be gone for a night or two and then come back to fix what he had broken with Bucky. The only thing that kept him at peace was that at least Bucky has you.

The next morning he jumped at the chance to go on a week-long mission. Thinking that maybe during the down time he could come up with a plan on how to fix it. He had no idea that Bucky also left on his own mission. The guilt was eating away at him by the time he got back. Missed calls and messages from you checking in and asking if the three of you could talk. He went into one of the single rooms usually reserved for overnight guests and he tried to hold back the tears but when a new message from you popped up on his screen he couldn’t stop himself. He knew he fucked up and he thought he wasn’t worth forgiveness. He kept tabs on the loves of his life through F.R.I.D.A.Y and after hearing that neither of you were really taking care of yourselves and that Bucky had also left the apartment the guilt kept him away which only made things worse.

He was slightly startled when he heard your voice for the first time in two weeks. God how he wanted to have you in his arms, but he didn’t deserve it. He had ruined the relationship and after being away for two weeks he thought it would be better to let you and Bucky have a life together once Bucky decided to go back to the apartment. He pushed you away thinking it was the best thing to do. He heard you cry and as soon as the doors to the gym were closed he fell to his knees as his own tears fell.

He wasn’t sure how the fight started but the way it ended left Bucky reeling. He had ruined the relationship with his problems. He didn’t deserve the chance to be out free and he definitely didn’t deserve the love of two people. His worst fears were confirmed when Steve said what he said. In all honesty Bucky was trying to be better. To not allow the things hydra did to him hold him back anymore. He had a real shot at happiness with you and Steve but in the back of his mind there was always that little voice saying he was undeserving of all the good things in this life. So it was all too much for him to handle when Steve walked out and you appeared in front of him ready to comfort him and fix whatever the problem was. You had been their saving grace so seeing you kneeling in front of him wiping away tears and cleaning up Steve’s mess had pushed him into the abyss of self doubt. He didn’t deserve you and he didn’t deserve Steve so he thought he would back away from the relationship and let you and Steve have a normal relationship, one that wouldn’t include dealing with his issues.

He left the apartment that night and disappeared into the library. The next morning brought the opportunity to go on a mission and he took it. Some time away would give him the chance to think of how to tell you it was over. However seeing the missed calls and texts you had sent him telling him you were worried and that you missed him gave him pause. If he showed up at the apartment you would find the way to convince him he was good enough, which he knew he wasn’t. Not for your love and if there was one thing Bucky knew was that you deserved better. So he took one of the empty rooms and stayed there instead, giving Steve the chance to go back to the apartment and to the only good he knew now, you.

You knew him so well and it didn’t surprise him when you showed up at the library looking for him. What broke his heart more, if that were even possible, was your bloodshot eyes and the way you were playing with the hem of your shirt. You only did that when you were nervous. Bucky tried to keep his eyes on anything but you especially when he heard your voice, you already sounded defeated and it was at that moment he realized Steve had left you too. But he wouldn’t subject you to having to deal with him. Bucky believed Steve was the better choice for you so he pushed you away. Once you had left he couldn’t control the tears.

It had been a month since you spoke to either of them. The guilt was eating away at them as they discreetly checked on you. They passed by the lab you normally worked in to see if you were there. It wasn’t hard to listen to the conversations Nat and Clint had about you. Steve and Bucky could feel nothing but shame and regret for pushing you away, especially after they had come back from their separate missions and found some of their favorite things in the rooms they were using. They knew it was your doing, it was always you taking care of them. They had fought with each other but somehow the only causality of this fight was you.

The team already knew something was wrong when none of you showed up to dinner together that night or the next. After a few days they knew there was something really wrong so they took it upon themselves to make it right. Nat, Clint and Sam were the only ones to say it was a bad idea to try to lock you in the conference room so that you could talk it out but the rest of the team didn’t want to listen. So when you snapped at the team everyone was left speechless. Steve and Bucky wanted to run after you and beg you to forgive them for having pushed you to the side but they didn't.

Steve was in his room drawing, while Bucky was in the gym when they heard about their worst fear had come true, you had been hurt. They rushed to the hospital floor of the tower to wait and hear any news. Although they had managed to steer clear of each other for the last month, they had no choice but to face each other for your sake. Neither of them spoke for hours as they waited by your hospital room for news on your condition but all the bottled up emotions were starting to rise to the top.

“She’ll be ok, you know our girl is a fighter.” Bucky was the first to speak, having moved to sit next to Steve. He grabbed Steve’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Yeah, I know Buck. I just can’t help thinking about the possibility of losing her. She would have doubted that I loved her.”

“We both pushed her away. Y/N must be doubting both of our love for her.”

“I should have never said those things, I didn’t mean them. I love you so much and I am so sorry. You and Y/N are everything to me, I was so stupid I ruined it.” Steve says in a rush thinking this might be his only chance to apologize.

“You’re right though, I need to get a better handle on my problems. I shouldn’t have been in a relationship at all.’

Steve takes Bucky’s face between his hands and looks him in the eye. “Listen to me, you deserve all of the good in the world. I was wrong for what I said. You don’t have to or need to do this alone. You have me and you always will. I got scared and I know it’s a stupid excuse and I don’t even deserve your forgiveness but if you chose to have me back in your life I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Bucky pulls away from Steve’s touch. “I um- I have to think about it. But maybe if we start talking again? I miss you both so much.”

“Yeah, I‘ll do whatever you want. I miss you too.”

There was at least some peace between the men after they found a starting point to mend their relationship. Now their only worry was whether you would forgive and accept them back into your life. The weeks of little to no sleep seemed to have caught up with them as they found a dreamless sleep in the waiting area. They woke up to any sound coming from your room before one of the nurses told them they could go in but that you were asleep.

“How is she doing? She isn’t going to need surgery or something like that right?” Bucky asks.

The nurse looks at the tablet in her hand before looking up at the men before her. “I’m sorry Sergeant, Captain, but you aren’t allowed to receive patient information.” She informs them.

“We are her emergency contacts, we have access to her medical records.” Steve says getting irritated.

“Again I’m sorry but as of this morning you have been removed from having access to any of Ms. Y/L/N’s medical information. You can go in if you want but I can’t give you anything beyond the fact that she is stable at the moment.” She turns and leaves the men standing at the door to your room.

“It’s the least we deserve and at least she’s stable.” Steve says to Bucky before walking into your room. They stood on either side of your bed, Steve grabbing your hand while Bucky pressed a kiss to your forehead. They took in the cuts and bruises that painted your skin. Anger building in both of them, mostly at themselves they were both asked to be part of the mission but said no. If they would have gone you would be safe in your bed and not down on the medical floor.

Bucky and Steve stayed with you for some time during the night before they were called away to finish the mission and find the people that had hurt you. If it weren’t for the fact that others on the team were already on missions or hurt one of them would have stayed behind but they didn’t have the luxury. They wouldn’t have thought that you would awake just a few minutes after they left your room in pain but not the physical kind. You thought this would have made them come find you and at least have them close one more time but you were under the assumption that they wanted nothing to do with you any more so you left.

Once they came back from hunting down the bastards that hurt their girl, they went up to the apartment. Their hearts broke again when they saw that all of your things were gone but panic set in when they asked F.R.I.D.A.Y where you were and the AI returned an answer they didn’t like ‘no information found for Y/N’.

“What the fuck does that even mean no information found?”

“I don’t know but we should ask Stark. It's his system.” Bucky replied.

Both men rushed out of the apartment and down to Tony’s lab. He’s sitting at one of his tables tinkering away at another suit.

“Tony, something is wrong with F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Just because you don’t know how to use the A.I. doesn’t mean there is something wrong with her.” He rolls his eyes.

“Fine, ask her yourself where Y/N is.” Bucky says.

“Did you try checking her apartment? She’s supposed to be resting.”

“Yes We did. None of her things are there. She didn’t leave a note or anything.” Steve says as he crosses his arms.

“Fine, F.R.I.D.A.Y where is Y/N?”

“No information found for Y/N.” The A.I states.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y pull the personnel file for Y/N Y/L/N.”

“No information found for Y/N Y/L/N.” Tony pushes himself in his chair and stops in front of a screen and starts typing away.

“You see, either F.R.I.D.A.Y isn’t working or something else is going on.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y is working just fine, Rogers. Something else must have happened so that Y/N information doesn’t show up. I’ll work on it and when I find out I’ll let you both know. Now get out.”

“When?” Bucky glares at the genius.

“When I figure it out, robocop. Now get out so that I can work without distractions.”

Steve has to drag Bucky out after he decided he would sit in a corner of the lab until Tony had answers. Tony spent three days looking into the A.I’s programming and coming up empty. The news wasn’t as shocking as they expected and soon Steve suggested that maybe you had written a program of your own to overwrite any of your own information.

“No way capsicle. I would have found that in the coding.”

“She’s smarter than you. She could have hidden it from you.”

“She’s not that smart Barnes, she dated the two biggest idiots in the tower.”

“Stark don’t” Steve warns.

“What? It’s true, you two idiots don’t even deserve her forgiveness. I can understand you two having a falling out but you turned your backs on her. She gave you a chance and I bet you didn’t even know that at the beginning some of the other technicians started spreading rumors about her. Calling Y/N the tower’s slut or the Avenger’s whore.”

Both Steve and Bucky’s head snap up as they stare at Tony. You never told them that and if they knew they would have put an end to it.

“She was on the verge of quitting when I found out. She begged me not to tell you so I respected her wishes. She ignored them because she loved you and you couldn’t even put aside your differences with each other to make sure she was ok.”

“We had no idea.” Bucky’s voice is small as he thinks back to the beginning of your relationship and those bad days you said you’d had.

“You know what, maybe she did reprogram F.R.I.D.A.Y so that I couldn’t find anything about her and if that’s true then you won’t get anything from me. She left for a reason.” Tony says and quickly exits the living room.

They spent days doing nothing but going over everything in the apartment. Looking through notebooks you left behind and your drawers trying to find any sort of hint but there was nothing. The only other people they could ask weren’t there. Nat was on a two week long mission the minute she was allowed to go back to work and Clint was off with his family. When they finally came back they denied knowing what had happened. Steve and Bucky however knew they were keeping something from them. You being missing should have had them just as worried but they were way too calm. So they decided to keep tabs on them hoping they would let something slip about your location.

Bucky and Steve began to fix their relationship until they decided to move back into their apartment together while continuing their search for you. That’s how they spent the next 4 months. Until Tony took pity on the super soldiers and agreed to run a facial recognition program on all cameras available to try and find something.

After a month they got a hit.

#stucky x reader #bucky x reader #steve x bucky #steve x reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers angst #bucky angst #is this where it ends?

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