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grailfinders · 2 years

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Fate and Phantasms #294: Oda Nobukatsu

for the last of the gudaguda servants this year, but certainly not least, we’ve got the only one you’ve been able to roll, oda nobukatsu! he’s a mastermind rogue for his tactical genius. he’s also an echo knight fighter to summon up some nobus as the situation demands, and finally we’ll pop into bladesinger wizard for some costume changes, modern amenities (read: grenades), and the all-important mini nobu backup squad.

check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

next up: pokemon gogh to the polls

race and background

nobukatsu’s a human, but if you want a chance at keeping up with your sister we’ll have to go with the variant ruleset for +1 constituiton n intelligence, as well as proficiency with nature for those funky flowers later and the tandem tactician feat. i know it’s a pretty old ua by this point, but you’re helpful towards your sister, no matter how many of them there are. this way you can help as a bonus action to give advantage to an ally. your help range also increases by 10’, and u can help two people at once if they’re attacking the same guy.

as the next in line in the oda clan, you’re quite the noble, which gives you proficiency in history and persuasion. you rebelled against your sister, failed, and convinced the same guys to do the same thing again. that’s a hard check to pull off.

Ability Scores

you’re a clever clog, so put your Intelligence as high as possible. after that is your Dexterity. you use small swords and guns, and no matter what outfit you put on, that ain’t armor. all that means you’ll want that dexterity a lot. third up is Constitution. FGO treats you like a joke character, so you’ve got to be ready to take some licks. Your Strength is slightly above average- we’re not really using it here, but you do carry a small armory around with you, so actually being able to lift all that is a must. your wisdom isn’t so hot though. you can see stuff well enough, but your sense of self-worth is completely shot. that’s also why your charisma is so low. you can lie when you need to, but self-deprecation is never a good look. Also we don’t really need it for the build to work.

Class Levels

1. Rogue 1: we’re starting as a rogue for the extra proficiency you get off the bat, like Dexterity and Intelligence saves as well as four skills. grab Insight and Investigation to finish off the Tactical Insight trio, and also grab Perception to keep a good view of the battle and Deception to lead the real fools into it.

you also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus in Insight and Investigation. if skill checks aren’t really your thing, don’t worry! you can also use a sneak attack once per turn now, dealing extra damage if you use a finesse or ranged weapon on a target you have advantage on or have a buddy near. your whole schtick is covering for your sister, so aim for whatever they’re hitting and you’ll probably be fine. right now it’s 1d6, but that’ll grow as you level up!

you can also use thieves’ cant to speak with other rogues without people figuring out what you really mean. I would make a joke here about siblings developing their own language or something, but none of the nobus actually have rogue levels. ah well, maybe in the next gudaguda.

2. Rogue 2: second level rogues can use a Cunning Action as a bonus action, letting you dodge, dash, disengage, or hide as a bonus action. delegation is the sign of a good leader, but being able to do more yourself is also pretty nice.

3. Rogue 3: at third level you get that delegation I brought up last level as a Master of Tactics thanks to being a Mastermind. With this, you can help creatures with attacks up to 30’ away. with your feat, your help range is 40 feet in total!

I would say this is helpful to use in conjunction with Steady Aim since that prevents you from moving for a turn in exchange for advantage on your next attack, but it’s also a bonus action, so you can’t use them both at the same time.

That hurts, almost as much as your 2d6 sneak attack.

Finally, as a Master of Intrigue, you become proficient in the use of the disguise kit and the forgery kit. You can also mimic accents of creatures you’ve heard for a minute, letting you pass yourself off as a foreigner. There aren’t any Nobunaga foreigners yet, but you’re just ahead of the game.

4. Rogue 4: Fourth level rogues get their first Ability Score Improvement, so let’s bump up your Dexterity for better offense and defense at the same time. Maximum efficiency, almost as good as your sister would have done here, I’m sure.

5. Rogue 5: A fifth level rogue can further protect themselves as a reaction with their Uncanny Dodge. If you’re about to take damage, you can react to halve incoming damage, narrowly escaping an attack or spell with just a scrape to show for it. If you really wish to fight in a swimsuit, you’d better get used to that.

Your sneak attack does the exact opposite now, dealing even more damage at 3d6.

6. Fighter 1: Moving to the fighter class gives you the Two Weapon Fighting Style, which lets you add your ability modifier to offhand attacks. We still need to work a bit longer before you can mix swordplay and gunplay in one fighting style, but this is still nice- another way to use your bonus action for additional damage.

Speaking of your bonus action, your Second Wind lets you heal on your bonus action once per short rest. That’s quite enough bonus actions, hopefully there won’t be any more.

7. Fighter 2: Second level fighters can use an Action Surge to gain a bonus action on their turn once per short rest. Not a bonus action, mind you, but a bonus action. I hope we have made that clear. Your sneak attack only works once per turn, but the extra action gives you a chance in case your first attack misses.

8. Fighter 3: At third level you become an Echo Knight, letting you Manifest Echo as a… bonus… action. Darn. Though it only has one HP, this mini-nobu gives you the ability to attack from its space while it’s alive. You can move the echo up to 30’ per turn for free, and you can even swap places with them as a bonus action. If you’re afraid you’re not keeping up with damage now that we’re multiclassing, you can always Unleash Incarnation. Well, not always, but up to two times per day, you can make an extra melee attack from the echo’s position.

9. Fighter 4: We’re using this level’s ASI to finally finish up that promise from level one of fighter- the Crossbow Expert feat gives you the ability to dual-wield a weapon with a hand crossbow, letting you use your bonus action once again to fire it. You can also fire at melee range without consequence, and you can fire multiple times in a turn without issue as well.

10. Fighter 5: Fifth level fighters can finally attack twice per action with their Extra Attack, instantly doubling your chances to score a sneak attack, and increasing your average damage as well.

11. Fighter 6: Sadly, you don’t become Nobunaga, so for now we have to cut the fighter levels off here. Thankfully we get one last ASI, so you can bump up your Dexterity again for more powerful shots and a higher AC.

12. Rogue 6: Sixth level rogues get another round of Expertise, so double down on History for tactical power and Deception to make sure your plans go off without a hitch.

13. Rogue 7: Seventh level rogues get Evasion. Now your failed dex saves are basically successes, and you successful ones make it like that fireball never even existed to begin with. This won’t help against sneak attacks though, so that 4d6 your packing now is still plenty scary.

14. Rogue 8: If you thought expertise was the end of your smart-being, you’ve got another thing coming. Use this ASI to become Observant and bump up your Intelligence by one point. This also lets you read lips, and your passive perception and investigation scores both go up by 5. Somehow you were the only one to truly appreciate what your sister brought to the table. Until she unified most of Japan, that is.

15. Rogue 9: At ninth level your 5d6 sneak attack takes a backseat to you becoming an Insightful Manipulator. If you spend at least a minute with another creature, you can compare its intelligence, wisdom, charisma, and total levels against your own. you might even learn a bit of its backstory, DM permitting. learn one thing about people and they’ll fall all over you, it’s weird.

16. Wizard 1: now we’ve gotten just about everything I’d really want from martial abilities, so if you want to become even more helpful, we’re going to need some magic. and if you want a good amount of magic in a small amount of levels, you’ve got to go wizard.

At level 1 you learn some Spells that you cast and prepare using your Intelligence, but you also learn them using a spellbook, which is why you get so many. For cantrips, pick up Firebolt and Swordburst for extra Nobunaga fire support, as well as Message for a Chaldea-standard communicator. As for your leveled spells, Expeditious Retreat gives us extra speed to get out of dodge when your sister starts swinging, Mage Armor is a must for any swimsuit-wearing fighters, Magic Missile is just more firepower, Grease is barely a spell, Silent Image will get you those flowers you need for your NP, and Unseen Servant is another mini Nobu we keep around for menial tasks.

you only get a few slots at the start, but thankfully your Arcane Recovery lets you pick up a few more over a short rest once a day. By the end of this build, you can get a third level slot back, a second level slot and a first level slot, or three first level slots. It’s nice to have extra ammo.

17. Wizard 2: Second level wizards learn some Bladesinging, giving you Training in War and Song (which is pretty much just training in song, you’ve already known all of it besides Performance since level 1). Thankfully you also learn the Bladesong, which is another bonus action that lets you start singing for up to a minute. While singing, you can add your intelligence to your AC and concentration saves, you have an increased speed, and advantage on dexterity checks. You can use this Proficiency times per day.

You also get more spells, like Silvery Barbs to make sure your plans always work and Tasha’s Hideous Laughter. Have you seen his NP? It’s creepy.

18. Wizard 3: Third level wizards get second level spells, and it’s time for some proper support. Grab Enhance Ability to help Nobunaga off the battlefield, and Magic Weapon to help her on it.

19. Wizard 4: Use your last ASI on the Shadow Touched feat, following your sister down the path of the Demon King. This rounds up your Intelligence, and lets you cast Invisibility once a day for free (or with spell slots). Yep, that’s what happens in his NP, he turns invisible. And Nothing Else. He’s fine. You can also use Disguise Self in the same way for some costume changes.

For your normal spell allotment, Thunderclap is a cheap grenade, but it’s free. You can also use Scorching Ray for fiery fire support, and Nystul’s Magic Aura so your sister actually appears as a demon king on scrying spells. It’s a fun little trick to play on god.

20. Wizard 5: Our final level of this build gives you access to third level spells- the juicy ones. Fireball is the best grenade we can get, forcing dexterity saves on everyone inside or they take a ton of damage. It was a ton back at level 5, I swear. We also grab the third level spell Summon Lesser Demons to properly conjure up a swarm of mini nobus- now you're no longer forced to use just one. You have a 1/3 chance of summoning 2 mini nobus of CR 1 or lower, 4 of CR 1/2 or lower, or 8 of CR 1/4 or lower. Technically it's DM's choice, but if you tell your DM "hey I've got a stat block up already for these things and you don't have to go hunting for it" they'll probably just give you your pick. There have been ufo nobus, tank nobus, statue nobus, and even big nobus! So really the sky's the limit when it comes to picking your nobu army.

Unfortunately, the mini nobus are unionized, meaning they'll just do whatever they want until the spell ends- usually violence. You can protect yourself from the nobus though by using part of the materials to cast the spell in order to make a circle of protection they can't pass through. This consumes the material component though, so you can't summon more nobus without fresh blood.

Pros and Cons:

Pros:

Starting things off- we set out to make a support build, and I think we succeeded. you can give advantage to people from 40’ away as a bonus action, which is huge for certain builds like those with Heavy Weapon Master or Sharpshooter. You’re also fantastic backup to have off the field as well, with Insightful Manipulator and your beefed up insight and investigation coming together to make it super hard to hide anything from you.

While your sneak attack isn’t the biggest we’ve seen, the name of your game is consistency. With up to seven attacks in a round to almost guarantee you get that extra damage, plus an expanded area of coverage from Manifest Echo will help you sneak in another sneak attack even when it’s not your turn.

It’s really hard to pin you down, with invisibility and teleportation making it super difficult for more martial builds to keep up with you if they want to break your concentration. That means there’s one less headache about support spells to deal with, which in turn means your sister’s getting the best help she can.

Cons:

You have way too much bonus actions shit going on. It’s an extra attack, it’s your echo, it’s your bladesong, it’s healing, it’s cunning action, it’s help, it’s too fucking much. Options are nice, but the odds of you ever actually dual-wielding is slim to none.

While you’re consistent in a fight you’re not consistent with skills since we didn’t stick with rogue long enough for Reliable Talent, a huge blow to any skill-heavy build like this one.

You can do a little of everything, but this game’s optimized for people who do one thing really well. Being a generalist on your own is great, but the whole point of a team is allowing for specialization.

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #DND #Oda Nobukatsu #fighter #rogue #wizard

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shifthours · 2 years

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OK why I think byler would help Mike's character let's go

SO we all know Mike was a great friend (tho a bit of a hothead) in s1 and s2 but then suddenly in s3 and s4 he's kind of an asshole (conviently when he starts dating el)

So right there it's alr a clear connection that milkvan isn't good 4 him bcs?? A relationship isn't healthy if u feel the need 2 detach from all your friends and give nobody else attention except each other...

BUT ANYWAYD I think byler s5 would change SO MANY THINGS 4 mike LIKE 1. HES WELL KNOWN 2 BE NOT THAT GOOD AT FIGHTING RIGHT okay well hear me out will is good at fighting and they have a moment where he teaches him (kind of like that jancy moment where Jon and nancy swapped the gun and bat 2 find out which 1 was better 4 them) and WE KNOW that will brings the bravery out of him (ex he litr goes 2 all means 2 save will despite knowing there's monsters and ppl dying and things) a bravery that was sort of snuffed out in the fact that Mike didn't really have 2 do anything after they found el, he just kind of was like 🤯 el use ur powers and she did so he doesn't rly have 2 do any of that anymore BUT WITH ELEVEN GROWING INTO INDEPENDENCE I think it wld be so nice 2 see a scene of him also learning 2 take care of himself and I think the best one 2 teach him that wld be will (showing him how 2 load a gun nd aim nd shit)

2. He wld finally be able 2 open up abt how he was feeling more often

In the show we've seen like.MANY many times that Mike opens up 2 will more often and more genuinely than he does 2 any1 else (including el)

If byler ends up being real I think it wld be so much more healthy for Mike bcs he would be lying all the time which is like the main msg of their group (friends don't lie!!!!)

3. Again I think we would get better insight 2 mike as a person for the first time since s2, his thoguhts his wants, needs, motivations, everything. Again when has he ever had a truly honest dialogue with eleven about how he feels (and don't tell me the stupid superhero speech bcs that was trash), he never has not really. He never tells el the complexities of his emotions but rather dumbs it down 2 😟 sowwy I was angy and that's it

But with will they really deeply talk abt things and admit things 2 each other that they don't talk 2 any1 else abt and having a connection like that be one of the main focuses in the show wld totally let us see into mikes thoughts and therefore him as a character so much better

4. HE CLD INTERACT W HIS FRIENDS IN A NORMAL WAY AGAIN one thing that irked me so bad w milkvan is they are insanely clingy 2 thr point of being unhealthy

Even though Mike and will have one or two moments in s4, this like?? Unhealthy obsessed attitude is still present (in mike at least, el seems 2 be getting over it), all he talks abt is el, he hardly even mentions anyone else at all despite seeing will for the first time in a year (u think he wld talk abt the party more?? b4 el got kidnapped I mean)

BUT ANYWASY yeah s3 was also rly bad w that where he wld just abandon his friends 4 her ALL THE TIME and there's a point where like.you really aren't a good friend if all u do is ditch them 24/7 and they all call him out 4 it.

BUT when el's out of the picture he seems to have no problem hanging out w the party (ex. When hopper told mike 2 stay away from el or else, and mike immediately starting hanging out w lucas and will again?? Yeah)

so I think byler wld make him a better friend as well

OK I think that is all the points I wanted 2 hit I feel like I'm missing one but ill just come back later and add on if I rmbr 😟??? BUT ANAYWAYS YEAH byler real

#st4 #stranger things 4 #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #st5

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d4rkpluto · 8 months

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I felt somewhat happy thinking about this, like a carefree type of happy. don’t think you stan txt from what I’ve seen on your blog ( been following you for a while and you’ve reblogged a post or 2 of mine. in love with your mind and your content but anyway ) I was listening to happy fools while doing this. I chose to do cards for this.

1) damn so I was listening to this while shuffling and the first thing that flew out was a card that mostly embodies that song. they see you as someone who’s somewhat laid back. you obviously care about things and what could happen but you’re also not at the same time. they see you as someone who would sit back and enjoy the breeze when everyone else is like panicking about something in the background. it’s that type of energy that I’m getting. they could see you as someone who is always surrounded by loved ones, wether that be online or in real life. always having a get together or hanging out with people.

2) you might stay out of the spotlight in terms of your daily life. they see you as secretive with your life. like you could be dating someone or have a family of your own and they wouldn’t even know endless you randomly mention it one day. people also might be jealous of you and what you’re doing or of your success. I wasn’t really getting a bad feeling or representations ( connotations?? is that the word?? ) from this card like there normally is.

3) it’ll be challenging not gonna lie. there’s obviously going to be ups and downs but it’ll be worth it in the end. but over all I think it’s be an okay experience for you. I wasn’t getting anything major that was bad from this but I sort of felt weary when getting to this part.

I was overall happy when doing this so I think it’ll be okay!! I’m glad I saw this and I’m glad I could do this for you!! I guess I’d have to chose how people would perceive me if I was famous because I don’t really have any questions as of now. My 10th house is in Virgo!!

– LD

thank you so much for your patience, and you didnt need to do three questions you could've just picked one! but LD thank you for the contribution either way :) a lot of people have been saying i would attempt to stay out of the spotlight because of how obsessive everyone is going to be, this is so much of a mood, i feel like people who follow me on tumblr could know me the most and im absolutely ready for uni and im aware it'll be heard thank u sm

answer to your question -

shufflemancy -

fly to you by caroline polachek featuring grimes and dido

swarm of fish by pianopassion

night trouble by petit biscuit

so im already getting that people would perceive you to be someone who is gone with the wind, if that's the right phrase, you could also be someone who travels a lot or ends up in the most random area. i do feel like people would like who you are and what you bring the table, you could be a musical person? either way the media/public will think of you to be someone who is really cool, calm and collected.

with ur 10h virgo, you might have a sag asc and gemini dsc? which totally makes sense because im currently envisioning someone who is hard to understand or hard to pin down, very adaptable energy is what the audience will think you as. so there could be moments when people wont understand who you are which could annoy some people, especially since we live in a society where people love to put other people in boxes and the media wont be able to do it with you just as quickly as they would want to.

this could make people think that you are a fake person, or someone who doesnt want to show their true identity or as someone who doesnt wear their heart on their sleeves to people they dont know. and one hand of people will understand and respect that while the others wouldnt. even though the media will think of you to be someone who is calm and collected and even easy to get along with, there'll just be some "hard to connect" or hard to get through aura of you.

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welcometogrouchland · 1 year

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Amphibia and The Owl House for the ask! also hope your stomach gets better :(

Yippee my shows!! Also yeah I feel better now I just had to lie down for a while and drink a lot of water 👍

For TOH:

The first character I first fell in love with: ooh that's a toughie! I binged the first season right before s2 started airing so my memories are fuzzy. Maybe...Lilith or Willow? Luz hadn't quite cemented herself as my fav until season 2 and subsequent rewatches

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: probably Amity? I went into season 1 knowing she had a redemption but when I saw her in her first appearance it was on SIGHT. I really warmed up to her though over the course of the show, and now I enjoy her a lot! I'm proud of how far she's come. Also probably Caleb bc we knew so little about him at first that I didn't see how he could become a fan favorite for anyone. Then Hollow Mind happened and. You get it. OH WAIT LAST ANSWER FOR THIS- Camila! Not because I ever thought she was a bad mom but because I didn't think they'd give a parent character so much depth. I love what they did with her in seasons 2 and 3 so much

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: uhh maybe Belos?? In certain circles at least. Interesting guy but I don't have much fondness/affection for him, y'know? Or Alador. He's aight but clouds on the horizon made him a bit...flat, for me. Also this is less of a thing now but not too long ago BOSCHA oh my god. Ppl acting like the show not spending time on her was a failure like. Okay! Sure! Let's just say things now, ig! I much prefer what they did with her in ftf. It's not redemption exactly but it's acknowledgment that she's just a kid. A shitty kid but still

The character I love that everyone else hates: KIKIMORA MAN. I know I know I'm also mad they spent all of follies at the coven day parade building her up as potentially sympathetic only to steer away from that route again and again as if they changed their mind BUT. I fucking love this horrible fail creature. No backbone, no morals, no prospects, no bitches. Beefing with teenagers and exiled from her family home and place of business. Pathetic. Get her ass!!!

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: oh that's a complicated one. I know I also said she grew on me unexpectedly but the answer to this one might also be Amity. Not in the sense that I stopped liking her, but in the sense that other characters caught my attention more as time went on. Rip to Amity, still love u. I am just a Willow and Luz girlie

The character I would totally smooch: most of the women I am being real with you this show is overflowing with cute character designs

The character I’d want to be like: honestly? Eda. Yeah she's got problems and she's not the ideal mentor you'd expect but she's just such a cool confident older woman who doesn't let ppl control her life

The character I’d slap: I'd say Belos but that'd be too obvious (and rewarding). Instead imma say Boscha. This is not the right way to deal with highschool bullies but I do not care. This isn't about her. This is about me. And I wanna slap her just a wee bit. It's fine I'm not that much older than her I'm allowed to

A pairing that I love: sigh. Hubtlow

A pairing that I despise: b*schlow. Bully/victim ships I hate thee. Loathe thee, even. Also I definitely don't despise it but can I please stop getting l*nter jump scared. I don't go there let me out. Stop putting it on my feed

NOW FOR THE FROG SHOW AHAHA!!!

The first character I first fell in love with: unsure tbh! Maybe Polly but I know she definitely wasn't as violent/funny at the beginning of the series. Probably Anne or (depending on how fast I binged, I cannot remember) maybe Sasha

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Anne or Sasha I think! Both start off as like. Semi-unlikeable characters (Sasha more so than Anne), which I appreciate now in retrospect, but at the time I couldn't picture myself getting as invested in them as I got. Also. How would you guys feel if I said andrias (I DIDN'T WANNA LIKE HIM. EVEN WHEN HE WAS BEING A JOLLY GOOFBALL I KNEW THE OTHER SHOE HAD TO DROP AND I WAS PREPARED TO HATE HIM. AND THEN THEY INTRODUCED DARCY AND GAVE US THIS NEW DYNAMIC AND CONTEXT AND JUST. MAN!!!)

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: okay, it's not that I don't love her, but Marcy is definitely my least fav in the calamity trio. Again, not because I dislike her, I just like Anne and Sasha a lot more, y'know?

The character I love that everyone else hates: tbh I'm not in the fandom enough to know who is and isn't hated. Was Sasha ever hated? Maybe by some but idk

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: don't think this one really applies to anyone in amphibia? A weird one that kinda matches is I used to think valeriana was like. Mysterious and cool and then they didn't do much with her after the second temple and I was like. She's just kinda there now, huh?

The character I would totally smooch: IDK MAN THE SHOW IS 90% FROGS AND PRETEENS!!!! I AM NOT KISSING THEIR ASSES THEY ARE SLIMY (THE PRETEENS INCLUDED!)

The character I’d want to be like: again, 90% of them are frogs or preteens. Maybe Anne? I like how far she's come and how far she's still willing to go at the end, turning down ultimate power in the name of keeping the world safe and staying with the people she loves. Also I want cool anime powers /j

The character I’d slap: Sasha but only if it was s1-s2 Sasha bc I love her and I feel like she needs it. Girl. Get a grip

A pairing that I love: hehehe sashanne <3

A pairing that I despise: DON'T SHIP THE HUMAN GIRLS WITH FROGS. THAT FEELS LIKE THE EASIEST THING MAN!!!

#ramblings of a lunatic #asks #I'm sorry this took so long <3 like i said stomach ache #these answer's are long but also coming up with them was so hard in some places??? idk

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itstonyowo · 3 years

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thats me churbooselovwr32

#itsartowo #doodl #rvb #red vs blue #leonard church #leonard l church #church rvb #i want everyone to see this whrn thy look down his tag.#churboose #is totally real....i would not lie 2 u<3 #michael j caboose #caboose rvb #caboobs #me #tony #yeah.....

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linkspooky · 3 years

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Megumi and Toji

Megumi knows almost nothing about his father, his early memories are of being abandoned. His only family is Tsumiki as far as he’s concerned. It’s clear he doesn’t regard himself as a Zenin, or Toji’s son. He doesn’t even recognize Toji when they meet again briefly. However, though Megumi’s not even aware of it there’s a lot of story parallels between father and son. Toji serves as a cautionary tale of what Megumi could become if he does not grow up and learn to handle his emotions properly. MORE UNDER THE CUT.

1. Inherited Trauma

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this yet, but the Zenin family definitely has issues. They exclude anything which does not fit their arbitrary standards as an outsider. We don’t really know Toji’s backstory. We don’t have to know either, it obviously doesn’t excuse his actions. However, we see the after-effects of him being thrown out and scapegoated by his own family by the time we see him in the hidden inventory arc. Not only that, but from the clan’s treatment of Maki, we can theorize a little ibt of what Toji has been through.

Maki and Toji were both born without cursed energy and labeled as defective and wrong because of it. It’s clear both of them developed bad, hostile, even downright violent personalities in order to cope with a home environment that was constantly hostile to them.

In Maki’s case, it’s not that Maki is a hateful person it’s that she’s conditioned not to accept any kind of love because she was never shown the unconditional love of a family she was owed. When Yuta tries to accept her, Maki rejects him because she doesn’t know what that feeling of acceptance and security is like if it’s unearned. She ties it to strength, she has to be stronger than the Zenin clan, she has to prove she’s better than them and that they were wrong about her in order to earn it.

Maki is so busy trying to reject everything that the Zenin clan stands for, that she can’t really accept other people’s feelings at all positive or negative. She’s too busy thinking about herself, protecting about herself, trying not to hate herself that even the feelings of Mai who loves her, but in a more complicated way is something she can’t accept. She doesn’t want to think about mai’s feelings because she’s too busy with her own, Mai is an afterthought to her.

Maki has a complicated way of dealing with the abuse of the Zenin family, and I assume Toji did too. The only difference is that Toji is an adult, whereas Maki is still an adolescent. Toji was set in his ways, Maki is still in the middle of changing.

Toji is labeled as “the one who is left behind, the one who is free”, it’s very likely especially considering the way he treats Megumi and distances himself from anyone related to him, that Toji’s way of dealing with the Zenin family was to simply reject all of it. He couldn’t accept the hatred of his family, but at the same time he also couldn’t accept any kind of positive emotions too, like love between a father and son. It’s likely Toji can’t even accept the idea of having a family, or the unconditional love of a family because he’s never had it - not that any of that is Megumi’s fault.

Toji grew up completely isolated from his own family until he was eventually thrown out, and he probably had no idea how to raise a family, but he turned around and inflicted those same circumstances on Megumi. Toji grows up alone, Toji makes Megumi grow up alone because he fails to provide for him as a father.

Toji deliberately made a choice to throw out Megumi along with the rest of his family trauma, that’s his self reflection upon the moment of death. He wanted to throw away everything and live for hismelf, but he threw away Megumi too.

However, from Meugmi’s perspective his father gave him the name ‘Megumi’ and left. Apparently Toji was around so little that Megumi doesn’t even recognize his face whent hey meet again as a teenager. He married Tusmiki’s mom, got a divorce, and presumably left Megumi there.

Megumi grew up with no idea of what a family was, except for his step sister, and also completely isolated from others. He grew up with the same sense of isolation and distance from his family that Toji did, lacking totally in the unconditional love a child needs from his parents in order to grow up, because Toji was never even around for Megumi. Megumi just by default assumes that his father either didn’t love him, or just plain forgot about him.

2. Like Father, Like Son.

However, despite the fact Toji wasn’t even around to raise his son, Megumi turned out a lot like Toji. There’s a lot of parallels between father and son, probably because as stated above Megumi grew up in isolated circumstances, completely cut off, never truly receiving the parental love or guidance that he needed to help him mature into a emotionally healthy adolescent able to process his feelings and handle them properly.

Both Megumi and Toji respond to their emotional trauma in the same way, by suppressing themselves and all their feelings, and rejecting the feelings of everyone around him. Megumi isn’t even able to hear the news that his dad died, because he insists that already in first grade, he doesn’t care about his dad or even want him around.

This is you know, a lie of course. Megumi’s a first grader. All children want a parent. It’s just, Megumi’s way of dealing with his feelings is to just pretend that they’re not there, to pretend he doesn’t care. A first grader is not really mature enough to think of his family situation in these terms, or cope with these feelings. Megumi is simply pretending to be mature as a way of pretending to deal with his hurt feelings.

We as the audience know that Megumi is a deeply caring, and deeply feeling person. However, Megumi himself seesm to be in denial of this fact.

Megumi’s response to all of thes icky gross feelings he has for people, soft feelings that makes him feel vulnerable because while Megumi cares deeply, circumstances have taught him that people do not care about him, or at least Toji didn’t care enough in Megumi’s eyes to stick around. Megumi’s response is the same as Toji’s, he shuts everyone out, he insists he doesn’t care about anyone.

He can’t accept anyone’s feelings because he’s too busy rejecting everyone. He can’t even accept the positive feelings of familial love his sister has for him, he almost begrudges her for it. Tsumiki chose to see him as family, different from Toji who he feels didn’t choose him and Megumi just couldn’t realize that until it was too late. He’s so used to being abandoned and unchosen that he doesn’t know what familial love even looks like in Tsumiki.

This is also something that Toji does to Megumi. It’s said in a bonus in volume 8 or volume 9 that after the death of Megumi’s mother, Toji insisted that he “stopped caring about everything.” We see this repeat when he’s about to sell Megumi to the Zenin clan.

Toji insists he doesn’t care, while Megumi tries to creep back into his thoughts, and he keeps trying to help him in indirect ways. Toji wishing for a better future for his son than he had, while at the same time, selling him off for the money he plans to gamble away at the race track. Toji forgetting his son’s name, and then remembering it on the brink of death and asking his enemy to do something about it. These are all compeltely contradictory behaviors because Toji has no healthy, adult way of processing his emotions.

He’s just used to pretending he doesn’t care about things, that even when he obviously does care it’s what he keeps falling back on. It’s the same as Megumi’s complex with saving people, he insists he hates people, that he doesn’t want to save them, and then he goes far out of his way to save people like Yuji.

3. Growing Out of Your Father’s Shadow

They process emotions the same way, both insisting that they don’t care about anything around them, the only real difference is their priorities. Toji is a self centered person who prioritizes himself above all others. Megumi’s a self sacrificing person, he’s continually belittling himself for the sake of other people. Megumi belittles himself to the point where he insits he could never be strong enough to challenge Gojo. Being the strongest individual is just never his priority.

Toji however is someone who climbed to the top of the Jujutsu World to try to prove he could become a better fighter than them without any cursed energy. Megumi is someone who ran away from the challenge of becoming stronger than Gojo, but Toji wanted to prove himself stronger than Gojo so badly he stayed and fought a fight he knew he couldn’t win.

However, even though their priorities are total opposites, Toji prioritizing himself, and Megumi prioritizing other people above himself they both end up in the same place. They’re both incredibly self destructive people. Toji stayed and fought with Gojo, knowing that he would die. When Megumi is pushed to his limit in Shibuya, rather than try to run away he also sacrifices himself in order to summon Mahoraga in a suicidal move against his opponent. They are even paralleled in the way they’re drawn.

I think the takeaway from all these connections set up between Toji and Megumi is that even though Megumi doesn’t know his father well he’s a lot like him. They both handle their emotions in the same way, insisting that they don’t care when they in fact care deeply. They both repress all of their emotions until they go crazy from it.

Toji literally springs from Megumi’s shadow. The shadow is the symbol of repressed emotions. Emotions that people are conscious of, the ones they acknowledge are usually represented by light, deeper emotions, the ones they repress and refuse to acknowledge are then referred to as the shadow. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. The more Megumi pretends not to care about his father or his family situation, the deeper the shadow underneath his feet grows.

Being underneath your father’s shadow is even a common phrase used to describe people who are unable to escape from their parents, and become their own person. There is a connection between Megumi and his father between Megumi and the Zenin, even if Megumi likes to pretend it’s not there, like when he denies any similarity between himself and Kamo Noritoshi.

A lot of Megumi’s life is dictated by his family circumstances too, he’s just in denial about it. Kamo’s aware to sympathize with people because he’s far more aware fo himself and his family circumstances, Megumi denies sympathizing with other people, because he doesn’t have any sympathy for himself either.

Zombie Megumi is colored in pure shadow. He’s even referred to as a manifestation of the repressed feelings of the Zenin clan. Those who are restrained by their connection to the Zenin clan, all look in awe at the one who broke free from the Zenin, and free from everything.

Megumi exhibits the act same behavir as Toji. He suppresses himself, suppresses himself, and suprresses himself and then he just goes crazy. Megumi claims he’s not the strongest, he doesn’t care about being strong, but then he pulls moves like summoning the Mahoraga and Domain Expansion. Megumi just holds himself in until he violently lashes out on everything around him too, he’s hurt feelings waiting to explode.

Which is why Megumi learning more about his father and the connection between them could be a good thing, not because Megumi necessarily owes Toji anything, but that he could learn from Toji’s mistakes. When Megumi sees his own unhealthy behavior exhibited in another, he can learn to accept the things that Toji could not accept. He could learn to accept connections like family, and friednship, before they become chains that hold him down too hard, until he breaks everything and himself trying to be free. Megumi dosen’t have to become the strongest like Gojo, he doesn’t have to surpass or fight against the Zenin clan. He doesn’t have to save everyone in the whole world like Yuji. The best thing for Megumi’s character development would be for him to learn to accept his own feelings and the feelings of others without going crazy. That’s a strength that neither Toji, nor Gojo could never find in themselves.

#megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji #zenin toji #toji zenin #zenin family #zenin maki #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory

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sashi-ya · 3 years

Note

Hello Sashi! I hope you are doing great and taking a break that you deserve. I'm happy to see the request are open! This is my first time requesting, so can you do some HC with Law and Ace with a crush in their crew (g/n pronouns) who's an awesome gunslinger, please? (You know they got haki and an incredible range of weapons that had already been mastered) I know it may sound very vague but I meant something like:

1. Do they get an interest in their passion for guns?

2. What kind of situation make them recruit them?

3. How do they react knowing they learned vision haki?

4. What are their concerns on that they are often the first one in the fight scene taking shots at everyone?

5. What kind of presents do they see fit for them?

6. Not important but also very curious if they ever try to flirt with them with something related to their craft?

Thanks in advance! Love your writting, as always. 💕

Such an interesting and detailed request, I LOVE IT! I really enjoy writing for specific requests like this one! I hope you enjoy these Hcs! Thank u for your ask and sweet words! ♥ ~

HCs~ Law & Ace with a Crush Gn! Gunslinger! Crewmate

TW: none.

WC: 1.2K

Does him get an interest in their passion for guns?

So, Law is always acting as he does not give a single fuck about anybody, but oh hell they make him wanna know more about them. Not only because is the only one that could use guns in his crew, but also because they is such a skilled and strong person. Even if Law knows nothing about guns, he is indeed interested in knowing more. He would lie about the real reason. He says it is because he wants to know more about his subordinate skills, but we all know deep inside he is still a nerdy boy. He wants to see all of their arsenal, he wants to use those guns, he would love to play with them.

What kind of situation make him recruit them?

Law is the total opposite as Luffy, he doesn’t tell people to join his crew just because, but instead he accepts or not those who want to join. But with them it was a little different. They were recruited in the Sabaody Archipelago after Luffy punched a Celestial Dragon. Law saw them cheering him up for hitting that bitch, so that he couldn’t deny he liked them. But then, when Penguin and Shachi were surrounded by PX-0s and saw them stand for his friends he knew he wanted them to be their nakama. “Would you like to join us, (name)-ya?” he asked directly. “Hell fucking yes, captain!” they said and since then became a new crew member.

How did Law react knowing they learned Vision Haki?

Law actually didn’t know they had learned Vision’s Haki until that day they were in Amazon Lilly. They as well as he avoided perfectly arrows that were pointed directly towards their heads. “Amazing, (Name)-ya” he praised them (internally fighting against butterflies on his stomach). “Thanks, captain!”. Law realized it was pretty obvious that someone so strong would have learned such skill, but even though it surprised him -gladly-. “Such a strong member, I wonder if they could help me take down Doflamingo…”

What are his concerns on they being the first one in the fight scene?

Oh poor Law, of course they is extremely loyal, but hell, does they follow the plan? Not really. They is the first one to jump on the scene and start firing their multiple guns all over. “Stop being so impulsive and follow the plan for fuck’s sake (Name)-ya” Law insists, but deep inside he knows exactly they won’t. So actually he has started to contemplate their impulsive actions as a part of the plan now. He is not afraid at all of their safety, they is reckless as hell, strong and even knows Armament Haki so… his nakama is covered. (But of course Law would always check on them, just in case)

What kind of presents does Law see fit for them?

Law is not a man that usually gives a lot of presents, to be honest. But he does on special occasions, mainly birthdays -and because they is his crush-. What else he could think of, but something to improve their armament? so, instead of making it a surprise, Law goes to his nakama and asks exactly what does they need. “Bullets? you got it. A new gun you would like to try? you got it. Just tell me”. Straight to the point, effectively. He wants to please them, what’s better than giving them exactly what they want?

How does Law flirt with them?

Ah my dear Law, maybe it is because I love him, but I think he has no need to flirt. His mere existence makes him a total flirt without trying. Yet, if he wanted, he would probably try to approach them by their interests. “So… what’s the name of that … uhm, gun?” He would ask them, looking at his nakama build a new type of weapon, sitting on the floor. “Ah this? wanna try? this is a modified bazooka” they will tell you, shoving the new invention into his hands. Awkwardly Law will ask them to teach him to use it as a way of getting closer to them. Basically, finding a way to spend time with them without showing how attracted he is to them -And also because he wants to use those fancy things as if he was on a video game, let’s be honest-

Does him get an interest in their passion for guns?

Ace would annoy them over the guns, asking if they could lend some to him. “Let me shoot, let me shoot pleaaaase”. He became an expert in guns after spending endless afternoons next to them learning about weapons. He is another kid deep inside; he wants to shoot things. Actually, his “fire guns” were inspired by his nakamas, Izo and they. Mainly by them, I mean he wants they to notice him…

What kind of situation make him recruit them?

Ace and they were from different crews. They were essentially rivals. After an intense fight where Izo and him confronted them, they realized how good they was with guns. “Tell pops if we can recruit them, please” begged Izo. There was no need, though. Ace was already stopping the combat just to tell them how amazing they is and to please join them -and also because he was drooling with them face-. Guess they had no problem at all, “ah I don’t really give a fuck about that other crew, they treated me like hell after all”. Of course Shirohige shouted a few things to Ace, but then he was pleased to receive them into his huge family.

How did Ace react knowing they learned Vision Haki?

“Ace, watch out” they shout, pushing Fire Fist out of the way, saving him from a marine’s bullet covered in Haki. “Oh (Name), thank you. But where did that come from? How did you see it?” Ace asked panting. “Vision Haki, boy” they tell him, pointing their index to his temples. “You need to teach me that RIGHT NOW”.

What are his concerns on they being the first one in the fight scene?

Concerns? Ace is always there with them being the first ones to jump into the fight scene. Them with guns, Ace sometimes with his fingers as fire guns and sometimes with his fire fist up. Concern is what his other crew members have for them. Yet they are already so used to it, it’s almost natural at this point.

What kind of presents does Ace see fit for them?

Ace forgets about birthdays and special dates for sure. But for them? He would plan the gift with so much anticipation. And he will a hundred percent buy them a special belt, you know like the one he has, just so they could hang their guns there. Of course the buckle would include their initial, like the one he has on his.

How does Ace flirt with them?

The fire freckles would flirt with them in a special way. Yes, it has to do with their guns, but not as smooth as Law. Ace would steal the weapons, running towards the Moby dick with them, only to make his nakama to chase after him. Once they get to him, he would fight -gently and laughing- with them, until Ace’s arms end up around them, hugging them tight. I guess they have to decide if they want to keep feeling the warming sensation of Ace’s skin or not…

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pradaksj · 3 years

Text

the swimming lessons

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ pairing⟶ jungkook/reader

❧ genre⟶ swimminginstructor!jungkook , fluff, a bit of comedy? head canon/bullet points

❧ rating⟶ e for everyone??? none??? idk how ratings work lol i just know that m = the dirty, which this story has none of

❧ word count ⟶ 5,000

❧ summary ⟶ accidental swimming lessons with jungkook were definitely worth the money

❧ a/n ⟶ i literally dreamt something similar to this in like january and told myself i'd write about it when i had the time so hear i am :)) this goes out to all my folks who can’t swim !! i'm on the same boat with you , get it? cause we can’t swim ... ok anyways ... enjoy ! (note: i have not proofread this yet so sorry for any mistakes!! ill get to it soon !! )

“hello, welcome to lucky duck swim school, how can i help you?” the receptionist, who was loudly chewing her gum, sounded more like an automated voice message than a person...

see today was your first official swimming lesson

yay!!

how fun!! ...

://

totally not embarrassing for someone your age !!!

honestly, it wasn't your fault you didn’t have any family members or friends with a big pool you could learn in growing up

and by the time you did, you were too much of in an awkward phase to be properly taught

aka your body absolutely refusing to float on its own anymore

but after several trips to the beach with friends and attending different pool parties, you were tired of being made fun of !!

no longer would you remain at 5 feet and under !!! not on your watch !

and so here you were, ready to start your journey into the world of swimming :))

“hi i um have a swimming lesson at 3 with um ... i believer her name was um—”

hmmm what was her name ??? jennie??? no, maybe it was aaliyah ??? no that wasn’t it....

the receptionist taps on her keyboard buttons, her long nails making a noise

pop, her bubblegum goes

“jungkook”

“yeah jungkook” you mindlessly say.

wait

WAIIITT

jungkook????

ummmmm

that was not the game given to you by the last receptionist

jungkook is a boy’s name !!!

you didn’t want a boy instructor !!!

not with the way you were looking

“i um—i had asked for a girl instructor—” you awkwardly mention

she rolls her eyes

um RUDE

she continues clacking with her keyboard, looking for god knows what

she sighs

“there’s no slots with female instructors available for today, nor for the rest of the month, the earliest i can probably squeeze you in by is july.” she bluntly states.

JULY???

july was when you needed to already know how to swim !!

that’s the peak of summer !

there was no point in knowing during winter or any other season besides summer for that matter

and you were not going to get made of by your friends this year

no no NO

“soo do i reschedule you or.....”

you sigh

“no ill take it” you pout, resembling a child.

“it it makes you feel any better, jungkook’s our best instructor, most popular too”

wink

oh yeah that makes you feel so much better

>:(

you were going to make a complete fool out of yourself in front of the so called “best instructor”

“well go get yourself washed up, get into the pool, and jungkook will be with you shortly” she smiles, her attitude now changing now that (what looked to be a supervisor) was passing by.

what a bi—

flip flop. flip flop. flip flop.

your sandles press onto the water on the floor of the girls locker room, a grouchy look now on your face

this wasn't fair

you made an appointment with a female instructor!!

you didn’t care if he was the best instructor or the most popular ...

squeeaaakkk , you twist the rusty shower handle

...because now you were you were going to be judged for your lack of skills

not that you had any to begin with, but still!

god, you sounded like such a karen ...

it’s just ...

a guy instructor ???

really???

you understood that this wasn’t elementary school anymore and boys certainly didn’t have cooties anymore but like ://

no no, you had to give this jungkook guy the benefit of the doubt

if he was one of the best, it was clearly because he was professional and good at what he does

putting your worries to rest, you turn off the shower

this was going to be fine

just fine

clearly your worries were not put to rest

just a temporary halt

pat. pat. pat.

okay let’s get it !

making your way out to the pool, you dip your foot in

ooooo

cold

VERY cold indeed

1 ...2...

you dip your whole leg in, quickly using the momentum to place your whole body in

“5 feet and below ... you’re my bitch !!” you think to yourself

your hand still clearly gripping onto the ledge, still afraid of accidentally reaching 6ft

.... now to wait

“megan seems to have fractured her leg last weekend on a rollerskating day gone bad, so you’ll be taking up her appointments for the next month of two until she’s cleared for work”

huh ???

“but—”

“also she, well now you i guess, have a lesson to teach at..”

jungkook’s supervisor looks down at his watch

“oh i guess in 30 minutes, could’ve sworn it was at 4..” he mumbles that last part to himself

30 minutes?!

“don’t worry i’ll up your pay for the remaining time that she gets better”

he winks ;) making a clicking noise with his mouth before leaving the staff room

jungkook sighs

today was supposed to be an easy day :/

a simple cleaning of the pool along with a couple of measly hours of being the lifeguard and that would’ve been it but noooo

he just had to be the highest rated swimming instructor on the company website

he couldn’t complain though, sometimes it was fun reading the reviews past students left, even if sometimes they were a little too...

whats the word...

provocative?

it often made him wonder if he was in fact an actual good swimming instructor or if the high highly rated reviews were for other reasons....

honestly it’d be dumb of him not to acknowledge the amount of googly eyes he’d get ranging from the mother’s of his younger students to his actual adult students (female and male)

he just liked to think that didn’t come into play when they wrote their reviews

hehe

changing into his black fitted rash guard, he glanced at megan’s schedule

name : y/n

age: 23 grown

swimming level: beginner aka noob.

he chuckles to himself

well won’t this be fun

he couldn’t lie beginner adult swimmers were always a spectacle to watch

they almost reminded him of baby ducks learning how to swim

only that they’d verbally curse their frustrations here and there

quickly showering, he begins to make his way to the pool

hmm, he wonders..

what should he eat after today’s lesson?

a bacon cheese burger sounded really good

maybe even grab himself some birria tacos from that new restaurant that just opened near his apartment

hmm no he had to start spending less on takeout

sigh

looks like it’d be rame—

woah

as corny as it sounded, he could’ve sworn he felt his heart skip a beat

because whoever it was in that pool was pretty, like really pretty

hOly ?????

wowzers

you couldn’t be y/n ... could you?!?!?!

you were the only person who looked 23 years of age in the pool ...

ermmmmmm

mayday mayday

jungkook.exe has STOPPED WORKING

whoever this jungkook person was, sure was taking their time

deciding to have some fun before your lesson, you begin to gently play with the water

swish. swoosh , the water goes

soon you’d be well on your way to becoming the next michael phelps

hehe

maybe with time you’d even be able to a somersault in the water like your friend always—

“y/n?” a voice from behind says your name

ah finally

taking in a deep breath, you turn your attention to the so called “best swimming instructor”

OH.

MY .

GOD.

WHAT ??????

this man looked like he came straight out of GQ magazine !!!!

this HAD to be some mistake , there was just no way ...

your cheeks feel as if they were burning up

probably because they quite literally were

there was no way you’d be able to come here every saturday for the next month, not without fawning for this dude every single minute

“u-um”

of course you were a stuttering mess

of FuCkiNg course

“that’s me”

cue the awkward smile

“be professional” jungkook tells himself

at the end of the day, you were his student

any crush on you would just have to wait until of course ... you were no longer his student

for now the only goal was : teach you how to swim

the next one down the list being : to take you out on a date !

he offers you a handshake

wow he had a strong grip

“i’m jungkook, i’ll be your swimming instructor for the next month”

he flashes you his all too famous smile

there was just no way this man was real

just nO wAy

“um..”

crap, you were still holding his hand!

idiot, idiot, idiot !

“sorry” you awkwardly laugh

ha ha ha

so funny

god did you just want to hide to disappear

“it’s fine” he laughs

even his laugh was attractive :(

ugh

“so y/n, before we begin with anything, i think it’s important to review about what kind of things you already know and what you don’t”

oh right ...

for a moment you had COMPLETELY forgotten you were here for swimming lessons

how embarrassing

“oh um..”

um, um , um.

IS THAT ALL YOU KNEW HOW TO SAY????

“so like floating, holding your breath underwater, pushing, gliding, arm movement, that kind of stuff,” he explains

you knew a cool trick to make it look like you were water bending :D

of course you weren’t going to admit that here

silently you nod your head no

he gives you a reassuring smile, sensing your timidness

“that’s fine, only more for us—” he corrects himself, “for you to learn,” he laughs

hey you weren’t complaining

;)

“so i personally always like to start off with teaching my students how to float. as long as we get that down then you’ll have no problem learning the rest”

gosh his smile was so infectious

shaking your head, you reminded yourself that this was your teacher

+ you paid 300 bucks for these classes, so you couldn’t afford to be giving him the googly eyes all day

you were so cute :(

jungkook couldn’t help but find you so endearing

the color of your swimming goggles even matched your swim suit :((

so cute !

“okay so the first thing i want you to practice is going underwater for a couple of seconds, just so you get used it,” he instructs, “i’ll demonstrate”

taking in a deep breath, he goes down under

1...2...3

he’s back up

pausing for about another three seconds, he takes in another deep breath of air before going back under

1...2....3...4....5

he repeats the same thing over and over, until the max count becomes 20.

“use my finger as your reference of when to go up, but come up for air whenever you feel like you need to. it’s important to go at your own pace, so don’t feel pressured to get it the first try”

no pressure at all

okay

“you ready?”

you nod your head

“okay, deep breath in”

you sink your head underwater, mentally counting the three seconds before going back up

“good job,” he gives you a high five, and you almost feel like a schoolgirl, “now let’s try to five seconds”

woo!!! 5 seconds here you come !!

taking in a deep breath you go down under again

1....2.....3....4...5

easy peasy ... LEMON SQUEEZY

“okay now to ten”

1.....2......3......4.....5......6....7

umm

now why were these seconds going by slow all of a sudden?

sucking it up you manage to make it to 10, but not without being out of breath

“you okay?” he’s quick to ask

yup, totally fine !

you definitely didn’t see the gates of heaven for a quick moment :D

nodding your head, you enthusiastically say, “let’s go for 15″

he smiles at your enthusiasm

ahh so cute

“1....2.....3......4......5.......6......7......8......9.....10.....11.....12....13...

nope nope nope

you were not going to make it to 15

immediately you make your way back to the surface, trying to catch your breath

“hey you did amazing,” he immediately reassures you, “remember as long your going your own pace then you’re doing just fine”

well doesn’t that make you feel better

you wonder if he’s this kind to all his students

besides the most obvious reason, there was no question as to why he was the “most popular” instructor

and to think you had been complaining earlier !!

and soon you’re back underwater, going at your own pace until finallyyyy you’re able to make the 20 second count

“nice !!” he genuinely celebrates with you, making you feel completely proud for yourself

“okay now that we have that done, we can move onto learning how to float facing both front and back”

ohhhhh

he was just thinking ahead

cool :o

“so what i want you do is first relax,” he laughs, gently pushing your stiff shoulders down

as if your blush couldn’t get any deeper

“now my personal belief is that all humans can naturally float, just that for others, it takes a bit of a push to get them at that state,” he begins to explain

others meaning people like um you

“the key to floating is to relax”

oh you’ve heard that before

many MANY times and each time you’ve tried to so called “relax” you just end up sinking

“the moment you fight or stress for even a tiny bit, you will sink. now i know what you’re thinking, ive heard that before”

damn

he was good

“but sadly it’s true, until you learn to relax then you’ll be able to swim”

you sigh

this was where it became hard

you were the queen of stress

you and stress went hand in hand almost like a married couple

it was just that deep water was scary !! very very scary !!

the amount of horror stories you’d seen on tiktok was enough for you to know, ocean = scary

“so here’s what i need you to do, i need you to place your arms on top of the water like as if you’re going to fly”

you follow his commands

he separates your arms, which had been too close together, giving them a small rub

“remember you need to relax y/n,” he chuckles, feeling the tension in your arms

“relax, i need to relax,” you repeat

“okay now right now when i tell you, you’re gonna take a deep breath in and look down, from there you’re gonna let you body move forward. so remember you’re not gonna jump, you’re just gonna let your body glide forward and float. almost as if you’re flying to me,” he explains

mm it was easier said than done

“you ready?”

“okay deep breath in”

you inhale a deep breath in

“look down”

you do that as well

“and let go”

slowly your body begins to rise on its own

oh my god !!!!!

you were about to float!!!!!

the day has come !!!

no more staying at 5 feet and under

you were ready to hang with the big kids :D

but as quick as the momentum came, the faster it left because soon you felt yourself sinking, the breathing exercise jungkook had made you do now coming in handy

no!!!!

you almost had it :(

it was right in your grasp, only to have it snatched away

not wanting to offend you, jungkook keeps his giggles to himself

“hey at least you almost had it,” he comforts you, “let’s just try again”

you sigh, now letting your doubts creep in

because of this, this time your body almost immediately sank this time

he frowns

you were losing confidence :/

“come on i’ll help you”

grabbing your hands, he signals for you to follow his breathing pattern

“deep breath in”

“deep breath out”

god, was his voice soothing

“i need you to relax y/n, let everything go”

a soft feeling of relaxation washes over you, similar to that feeling you’d get when you were on the verge of sleeping

“i’m gonna let you go at the count of three, and then you’re going to float, okay?”

silently you nod, knowing that speaking would only cause you to tense up again

“1...2....”

he lets go, and soon you’re floating, just like he said you would

you hold your breathe for a good while before standing back up, a huge smile on your face

“holy shit! i did it!!”

he gives you high five with both of his hands, for a second holding them before letting go

“now let’s try floating on your back”

he notices that there’s now a fire in your eyes that wasn’t there before

clearly you were now more determined to learn, excited too

preparing yourself to float once more, you realize you were missing something....

“jungkook...”

he tilts his head, confused by the faint blush on your cheeks

“do you think you can um—”

now it was his turn to blush

“o-oh yeah”

what was his problem???

you were a student asking for help

that was all ...

point blank.

he helps you get on your back, his hand placed under your back as a way to keep you up

“1....2....”

you float easily again!!

“nice!!” he smiles

summer, here you come !!

“okay so we’re gonna keep practicing that for the remaining time that we have and next week i’ll start teaching you about stroke techniques and which ones are easiest to do”

nodding your head, you practice your floating by the end of the hour having it practically mastered

the two of you get out of the pool, now drying off

“you’re a really fast learner y/n,” he compliments you

hehe

you mean, you didn’t wanna brag butttt

you were a fast learner indeed

“thank you,” you say in return, “but that’s only because you’re a great teacher”

woah

did you really say that :o

aren’t you feeling a little bold today y/n

his blush returns for the second time today

well technically you weren’t in class anymore ...

a little flirting wouldn’t hurt right?

if only he knew what to say ....

hmmmm

“well at least you won't ever drown!”

HUH???????

jungkook, you idiot !!!!!

someone needed to smack him straight in the face for that !

at least you won’t drown????

no fucking shit

well there goes his chances with you now going down the drain

but to his surprise, you laugh

“you’re right, i won’t,” you say in return, “well i’ll see you next weekend jungkook”

you flash him a smile, and he was certain he felt butterflies in his stomach

walking into the girl’s locker room, you let out a sigh of relief

wheeeeew !

faking confidence was hard !

very VERY hard

“so today you’re going to learn how to stroke so you can officially be called someone who knows how to swim, next week you’ll learn to tread water and continue perfecting your swimming, and then the final week i’ll teach you some fun extra things”

“sounds good,” you say, definitely excited to learn more.

“okay so now that you know how to float, right now when you float facing downward, you’re going to pull against the current with your arms, alternating each one. now the tricky part is that while you do that, you also have to paddle your legs a little and come up for air when you need to, and when you’re back in the water you should slowly be exhaling bubbles of air rather than holding your breath”

well that sounded hard :/

“let me give you a demonstration,” jungkook says

he’s quick to float facing downward, showing you the maneuver he wanted you to learn while coming up for air every five seconds

thought it was a little childish, he somehow still looked good doing it

he truly was blessed with the looks of a god

he comes out the water

“okay now your turn”

you nod your head, that determined look you had on your face last week now returning

following his example, you begin your attempt at paddling and stroking your arms at the same time

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!

immediately you begin to panic and water begins to splash everywhere, including on jungkook

noticing your panicked state, jungkook is quick to grab you and place you back on your feet

“hey hey, i got you,” he comforts you, not wanting you to feel discouraged

you sigh

well that was embarrassing

“remember y/n you have to learn to coordinate everything, so think of it this way. your legs have to always be paddling, it’s the arm and coming up for air that switch roles. when you come up for air, it’s only your legs paddling, while when you’re head is back underwater it’s both your legs and arms paddling. once you get that pattern, the bubbling will come naturally”

you make an ohhhhh face

you could do that !

“remember what i told you last weekend y/n, you need to relax and be comfortable so you can build confidence. there’s no need to panic because i’m here,” he smiles at you

gosh this just wasn't fair >:(

cute and charming ????

this boy really had it all

not wanting to disappoint, you try one more time, failing once again

now you were frustrated :/

“damn it,” you mumble to yourself, a sadness to your voice

jungkook feels his heart swell

he didn’t like seeing you sad :(

but doggy paddling was the most basic technique he could teach you so he couldn’t really cheer you up by offering a different technique

you needed to learn to doggy paddle before you could move on to the more bigger strokes

damn it ://

“hey don’t feel bad about not getting right away,” he gives you a small smile, “i remember when i first started learning it took me forever to even learn how float, so the fact that you’re already at this point is enough of an accomplishment”

well that makes you feel little better ...

“but you were probably a kid, im ...”

old , is what you want to say

figuring what you were gonna say, he only laughs

“who said i was a kid? i was probably like 19″

whaaaaaattttt!

assuming he was your age (which he was), you do the quick maths in your head

that was like .... 4 years ago !

how the hell did he get so good in such little time???? enough to be teaching courses ???

“not knowing how to swim is nothing to be embarrassed about y/n, if anything it takes a lot of courage to even sign up for a class so don’t beat yourself up too much for not getting it right away”

he ruffles your wet hair, a small affectionate gesture

you didn’t know how it was possible but you were falling for this man and QUICKLY at that

he was just so ??$%@^!

UGHHHH

“so let’s try one more time, and if you still can’t get it then we’ll push it to next week, a free extra lesson on me”

eeeeek

though the temptation to purposely fails was very intriguing indeed, you still had to try for the sake of it

if you got it, you got it, and if you didn't well ....

an extra week with jungkook it was :D

“you ready?”

you nod your head

“1...2...”

you float and begin to paddle, this time actually getting the hang of it !!!

you hear jungkook’s muffled voice from above the surface, “there you go!!”

holy shit !

you officially knew how to swim !!!

at least enough to save your own life if push came to shove

once you were out of breath, you stand back up, a grin on both of your faces

for jungkook it was hard not to tackle you in excitement so instead he settled for a very enthusiastic high five

“you did it!” he cheers

“ahhh!” you giggle like a child

“from here on out, the rest is a piece of cake!”

yay yay yay !!!

“now let’s start working on deeper strokes, maybe we’ll even have time to throw in backstrokes!”

:////

noticing your changed expression, he awkwardly laughs while scratching his neck

“or maybe not”

this week was the final week of swimming lesson with jungkook

:((

last week’s lesson of treading water and perfecting your swim seemed to had gone by in literally the blink of an eye !

and so today was possible the last time you’d see jungkook unless you managed to grow the balls and ask him out once that clock hit 4, once you were no longer his “student"

by now you were 100% sure you liked the dude... like a lot

and he was definitely someone you wanted to get to know outside of this pool

you just weren’t sure if he liked you the same way

you mean yeah there were definitely times that had you raising an eyebrow here and there, but you always excused it as him simply being a kind hearted person by nature

because clearly his five star rating on the company’s website had to come from somewhere

not that you checked or anything....

who were you kidding

yes you did

your favorite review was the one that went..

“wow!! this dude is amazing !! came here for beginner lessons and even i found myself fawning for the dude , and i don’t even play for that side of the team !! not only were his lessons thorough, but he’s a very charming person ! 10/10 recommend!”

and so you were stuck

did he liked you or was he just treating you like he treated everyone??

“ahh y/n,” jungkook’s voice suddenly brings you back to reality

“today’s our final lesson!” he announces, not sounding too sad

in fact he sounded excited

damn :/

he playfully jumps into the pool, today being his so called “fun day”

“so since today’s your last lesson i thought i could teach you how to do a.....”

he pauses for dramatic purposes

“SOmERSAuLT!!”

immediately your eyes light up

ahhhhhHHHH!!!!

you always wanted to learn how to do a somersault in water, remembering the number of times you’d look at your friend in jealousy whenever she did one

“you ready??”

eagerly you nod your head yes

“okay so the steps to doing a summersault is first of course, you need to take a deep breath”

okayyyy

“from there you tuck your chin to your chest, next you do the moment of the somersault by swinging your chest forward and gently kicking out your legs, so basically forming a ball and then kicking out. naturally, if you have enough momentum, you’ll spin, but if you don’t just use your arms to complete it”

“think you can give me a demonstration?” you innocently ask

he winks at you, “of course i can”

taking in a deep breath, he follows his own instructions, and you watch he perfectly executes his somersault

“woahhh, that was so cool!” you say, even now finding the trick to be amazing

“now i dont expect you to get it right away, so right now that you try i’m going tog hide you thought the movement so you get the gist of it”

sounds fair enough

you weren’t trying to drown on your last day either

“okay, you ready?”

“yes”

“let’s get it!”

taking a deep breath in, you feel jungkook’s hand get placed on your back, ready to push you so you could do the somersault

“1...2...”

and slowly you feel yourself spin with the help of jungkook, a smile already forming on your face

“ahhh!” you smile big and wide, causing Jungkook to smile along with you

“you think you’re ready to try it on your own???”

“yes sir”

“okay 1....2....”

mustering up as much as force you possible could, you push yourself into ball and successfully do the somersault

YUPPPPP

WHOSE DOING IT LIKE YOU???!$%@$!

feeling an immediate rush of adrenaline, you begin to splash water all over once you come back up for air, declaring an all out water fight with jungkook

soon the two of you are chasing one another, you now using your new swimming abilities to get away

hehe

you’re a swimmer

the sound of jungkook’s infectious laughter fill the air and soon you feel him grab your waist at an attempt to stop you

“gotcha” he says, and he turns you around to face him

slowly each other’s heavy breathing becomes relaxed, and it’s as if you’ve felt a shift occur in what you considered your new “friendship”

“so....” he awkwardly says, hands still wrapped around your waist

his was was RED

like cherry tomatoes red

this only makes you giggle

if you had doubts before, you DEFINITELY didn’t have em anymore

he liked you :))))

and you liked him :))))

and in ten minutes you were officially no longer his student so......

“there’s this new restaurant that opened near my place....” you say

immediately his eyes light up

“cancun eats?”

you nod your head and he gives you a toothy grin

“i was wondering if you’d want to go out some time...” you muster up the courage to ask him out

%^@%!@&!@^&@%! = jungkook’s brain

holy crap !!!

you liked him!!!

he wasn’t just delusional !!!

“hello?? jungkook??” you laugh, waving a hand in front of his face for jungkook.exe had truly stopped working this time

nodding his head yes like a child, the two of you being to lean closer to another, the clear goal in mind being each other’s lips

because honestly you’d come this far now, might as well give him a ....

“wait!” he suddenly interrupts he glances at the digital clock on the wall, remembering your final lesson officially ends at 4

because no way in hell was he going to get fired for kissing a student on the clock

3:59

.....

4:00

“okay now,” he smiles, and you only roll your eyes, happy to have taken up on those swimming lessons.

a/n : i was gonna make this longer but this was always meant to be a small little head canon so :))) pls give this a like, comment, or a reblog if you enjoyed it !! (if u can of course) and my ask box is always open for whatever !! :)) see yall next time 💞

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poobit · 2 years

Photo

tagged by @sinisterpeople for my top albums of the year (no real particular order )

1. Brazilian Girls EP - ive already had listened to their other album but listening to their first one, was sooo good to discover these, top song: Homme

2. Macross Frontier Vocal Collection Nyan Tama - listen. i know im resident Macross F song listener but this singles album is just, very well put together to me , its nostalgic and i have SUCHHHH a soft spot for Mayn´s songs in it lmao , top song: Yousei

3. The Showstoppers II (TWF albums in general) - if you dont understand The Walten Files, thats totally fine, they are a mishmash of edited old music and original music and covers made by indie band Sweet Tuesday, they got a real amateur charm to them and they just tie into the lore well without feeling hamfisted in there, top song: Once Again

4. Illusion Lock Complete Ost - Parson Hex´s story n music lives rent free in my brain, i was already into it in 2020 but the amount of content poured out in 2021 left me in shambles, its sooo ...inexplicable, whimsy, top song: Dance 2

5. Metaroom / Sweet Genesis - i watched Temptation Stairway and i fell for God´s race SOOO HARD i needed to know who made the music, Metaroom´s music is so fucking catchy , top song: Worm Rave

6. Magdalena Bay / Mercurial World - this been one of my most recent albums i listened to and man what a good choice , its just a legit good pop album, i know the influences are more recent but i couldnt help but think its so, Mynogue-esque, top song: Secret (Your Fire)

7. Nastyona / 아홉가지 기분 (9 moods?) - i am not gonna lie if it wasnt for VIVINOS horror videos idk how i would have found this band , they really are so haunting, its great music i wish it wasnt just treated like trendy horror anime , check the other albums too , top song: 요단강 (Jordan River)

8. McBaise / TUBES - i been waiting for this album for a while and it sure didnt fucking disappoint like, what a good album, severely underrated you all gotta watch the Waterslide video , top song: Cobra

9. Lovage / Music to make love to your old lady by - yes long ass album name but honestly, where would i be without having discovered this album , i already have been listening to Mike Patton for a while but this one just brings out a whole facet out of him, extremely hard choice but top song: Lifeboat

10. Mr Bungle / California - i already said ive been listening obsessibly to Mr Bungle but i legit think California is like, their best album , its just the right amount of everything , top song: Pink Cigarette

extremely honorable mentions because i couldnt put more albums in the post: Kate Bush´s Sensual World - Elbow - Jellyfish´s Spilt Milk - Jamiroquai - Crumb - Deltarune Chap.2 ost - Soda Stereo´s Sueño Stereo - Dave Gahan

anyways taggingg uuuhhhhhhhhh YOU! do this to just show ppl to what u listened to just have fun :) u dont gotta do it the way i did i just love being obnoxious

#music #long post .

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rotshop · 3 years

Text

(leanning very very close to the mic) hello.

[ 400 / contest post baby lets GOOOOO ]

HI !!!!! do u lie k funnie contests run by hosts with very bad memory and are incredibly time blind ???? WELL BOy HOWDY DO I HAVE THA THING 5 U ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

How does this work / What are the rules? ;;

the rules r VERY very loose !! i want ppl to have fun and do whatever they would liek with this!! however there R a few criteria / guidelines ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

1 ) it HAS 2 be at least madcom related

you cannot submit a drawing of sumthing random n unrelated 2 me as a contest entry ,,,,,, srry lol . it can be your ocs , your favs , my ocs , a drawing of a fic / hc i've done , anythin !! go off have fun w/ it !!

2 ) y'know. dont liek. violate my dni n stuff

m still a minor contest or not sooo . don't go submitting any nsft content lol ,,,,,,,

3 ) PLS DONT SUBMIT ENTRIES USING MY BLOG / TUMBLR SUBMISSION ,,,

i've had problems with tumblr not allowing me to post things that are submitted to me in the past and i rlly would not liek for anyones entry to get eaten by tungle :( ,,,,, INSTEAD ! you can make a post and tag me in it to submit !

What are the prizes?

WELL ! depending on places there's diff prizes! i'll be choosing 4 total winners lol ,,,,

1st place - finished ( colour + line + shading ) piece of their oc +/ a canon madcom character

2nd place - coloured + lined piece of their oc +/ a canon madcom character

3rd place - lined piece of oc OR a mc character + hc set of request

4th place - hc set of request + sketch of an oc or canon mc character

notes ;

- hc request ofc cant violate my normal 'hey don't request this' typa stuff!!

- i would PREFER if i am told what u had in mind for what i draw but it's NOT necessary !! [ pls note they will NOT have fully fledged backgrounds . that will kill me. ]

- they'll b done in my normal madness style !! you can look through art.jpeg tag for examples

- i don't have any real judging method but it is NOT going to be based on realism or anything like that !! it's just what i liek ok ty and gn

When does the contest end?

the contes t ends on October 31st at 12am [CDT] !! ( or midnight on oct. 30th if u see date / time the same way i do lmao ,,,, ) pls have a fun good safe halloween btw lol ,,,

#ALSO AGAIN . tysm . it really means so so much to me.#ill make a better post putting my emotions out but it means a lot that u all enjoy the silly stuff i post <:')#important #rules #i should make a tag for ths . fuck.#ILL GET 2 THAT IN A BIT LMAO MY BRAINS FRIED .......... i packed 2day and it was an experience.#my contest

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a-kind-of-merry-war · 2 years

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End of Year Questions for Writers and Artists

1. What project are you most proud of and why?

I feel like this goes against the spirit of the rules, as this is the fandom website for fandom things, but - it's ONITK. Hands down. Even if I wobble about "oh no it's actually terrible" I love it, and more than that I love Raff and Penn (an unreasonable, possibly concerning amount) and I can't wait for y'all to read it.

When I left uni (an age ago now) I swore I'd never write prose again. I hated it, and I wasn't writing anything, and I was miserable. Going from that to getting an actual book published is incredible (and I sincerely have everyone on here who supported my fic to thank for that. Without you 'orrible lot I would never have had enough faith in myself to write it in the first place).

2. Which project did you have the most fun making?

Well, I had a blast writing We Could Be Married, but I think the most fun project was definitely @valdomarxxx, if just for the sneaky underhandedness of it all >:3

3. Which project was the most unexpected and/or challenging and why?

Ah man, I'm gonna be That Guy again, but the most challenging? ONITK. The writing was hard, and somehow: editing is even harder. I think to say anything has been more challenging would be a big fat lie 😅

4. Which project would you like to receive more attention?

ahhh i'm pretty happy with the amount of attention everything's gotten! Ask me again in [REDACTED AMOUNT OF TIME] and my answer will probably be pretty different 😅

5. Is there a project you intended to work on but couldn’t find the time? If so, what is it?

Urgh, so many unfinished WIPs. I've got a 25k multi chapter fic that I started in 2020, and fully intended to finish this year, but never did. It'll probably end up ~50k, if I ever finish it, and just-- man. SO MANY UNPOSTED WORDS.

I also really wanted to finish My Beloved Monster, but just before I completed chapter 3 life got a Bit Much, and it's such a heavy one that picking it back up to finish it has been really difficult.

6. Have you noticed an improvement in your skill this year? Did a specific project help?

Hmm, I'd like to think my writing improves every year I do it consistently, so - yes. I'm not sure if any one specific thing really helped, just the fact that I've been writing consistently for so long!

7. If you could remake any project you’ve created this year, which one would it be and why?

I don't think there's any I'd really say I'd totally remake! I get weirdly attached to my writing, so this one is tricky to answer. Maybe go into MBM with a better plan 😅

8. What project would you like to make next year?

I'M GOING TO FINISH THAT 25k WIP. I've got a Modern AU about wildflowers and pining that I really want to finish that I'm very attached to, and a couple I said I'd write for/with people that I'd like to do.

And uh... no one has called me out on this, but I never actually posted the follower celebration fic. So watch this space for that (to celebrate the next milestone) 😅

(for real serious, and this takes priority over fic, is that I want to write ONITK Book 2, at the very least. Maybe Book 3 too. Watch this space.)

---

RIGHT-OH. Enough having feelings. I'm going to tag@dont-touch-the-phlebotinum, @rebrandedbard, @spielzeugkaiser and anyone else who wants to do it (and if you dont wanna do it, no pressure, i love you)

(sdfjks i just realised i forgot to say i was tagged by the ever-wonderful and exceptionally talented @srapsodia, thank u raps 💖)

#tag game #long post #catch me getting SOPPY #OH GOD #not allowed not here #i can only have emotions via proxy through a fictional person sorry

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royallyprincesslilly · 4 years

Text

Title: The Confession {8}

Chris Evans x Best Friend Reader

Warning: Cursing, Angst, Plot, PLENTY WORDS

Words: 9.6k

Summary: Not this time.

Note: Thank you for reading lovelies! 😘😘

Thank you guys so much for reading! If you enjoyed this, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Mildly Interactive***

***Picture Heavy***

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

At four in the morning, you found yourself wide awake sitting in front of your vanity, staring at yourself, not moving a muscle.

At five in the morning, you hadn’t budged, and honestly, you didn’t know if it was a good idea to go anywhere.

You heard your phone notifications firing off every ten or so minutes. Each and every one of them, you ignored. Ten hours ago, you’d had a plan. That plan consisted of you waking up at four to get yourself together to ensure you left the latest five o’clock to make it to the camping trail parking lot. You’d planned everything so well that you’d done the majority of everything that would take forever the night before.

After ending your conversations with Chris and Jaxon, you made yourself some dinner, drank a bottle of wine as you did some work that you’d planned for the weekend that you wouldn’t get to. Then you moved on to pacing your closet while second-guessing your decisions for the weekend’s plans. That second-guessing led you to your second bottle of wine, which you drank rather quickly. By the time you reached the bottom, you were back on the train of it being acceptable and not a big deal to go. So you packed your bags with everything you’d need.

You knew Chris would take care of all the logistic items such as the tent, firewood, ponchos, security needs, safety needs, and so forth. The man’s brain worked so analytically it was a wonder he’d become a real boy at some point in his life to make human relationships work. It was that way throughout your childhood. He would have the analytical part covered, and you’d pick up the slack with intuitive thinking. He’d always tease you about it by saying you’d never survive an apocalypse cause you’d feel and use your heart way too much. Ironic, you thought.

“I just need to be more analytical. That’s all,” you professed out of nowhere as you stood.

“Think with your head, not with your heart. I can do that. If he can do it, I can too.”

Though you were trying to hype yourself up, it was barely working. Still, you pushed yourself to believe you could do this. So what if you hadn’t accomplished being analytical in all your years of living. You’d never mastered it as he had. This weekend you’d be the pro.

Seeing that it was near half-past five, you quickly changed and did a once over of your home to ensure you had everything you’d need, then hauled your bags to the trunk of your car to begin the twenty-minute drive to the outskirts of town. The whole drive there, you played music that wouldn’t allow you to contemplate things any further. You didn’t need time to think any more. You knew if you had the twenty-minute drive to contemplate your options more, you’d turn around and chicken out.

Your phone rang and loudly announced the caller on the speakers in the car.

“Risa, the sun hasn’t even come up yet.

“I made an effort to be awake to give you a call to check on you. I’m sure you’ve talked yourself up and down the ledge. Where are you?”

“On my way.”

“Oh, so you’re still going. Wow. Impressive,” Irisa bellowed.

“Impressive? Didn’t you say it was a good idea?”

“It is, but you always end up doing what you want to do. I just didn’t fully believe you’d go through with it.”

Your mouth hung open. That said, a lot.

“How are you doing?”

Debating in your head, if you should play the nonchalant card or the brutal honesty card, you tapped onto the steering wheel as you came upon the exit to the grounds.

“Uh----well, you know. cool.”

It was a half-lie, but you fully turned onto the exit. There were no more outs unless you pulled a whole U and illegally reentered the highway while possibly causing an accident. It sounded terrible, but you wouldn’t rule it out.

“You, my friend, are the opposite of cool. My god,” Irisa said, laughing at you.

“I just don’t want things to get—worse. Ya know?”

“I get it. you want things to stay the same.”

“No. That’s not what I mean,” you began.

“So, you want them to change.”

“No. Jesus, I don’t know,” you grunted out.

“Maybe use the weekend to figure it out and come to a decision that best suits you and no one else. Figure out what you can’t live without, not what you can live with,” Irisa counseled.

You could see the entrance to the trail steadily approaching. It was relatively empty except for maybe a handful of cars. You weren’t worried. The destination you and Chris had in mind was off the beaten path, a piece of heaven carved out just for the two of you.

“Thanks, Risa. I guess I’ll talk to you Monday. Once we head out, you know cell reception is nonexistent.”

“I know the drill. Have fun. I know how you love camping out there. This might be one of if nor the last time you can.”

She was right. Jaxon didn’t like camping, and you doubted you’d ever feel right bringing him to that spot. This was yet another thing you and Jaxon didn’t have in common. You enjoyed nature and relished any chance to be in it, but Jaxon preferred pampering. You thought it came from your opposite upbringings, him the only child of a career political force. He’d always had the proverbial golden spoon in his mouth. Maybe you could live without camping trips like this, you thought, as you rolled past an unexpected blast from the past.

Slamming onto your breaks, you looked back in the rearview mirror to see Chris leaning against the monstrosity from your teenage years. You loudly snorted as the laughter bubbled up within you only to fill the car. He didn’t, you thought as you rolled into the nearest parking spot on the other side. When you got out and walked around to the back to get a better look, you let out a howl of laughter again.

“Aaah, oh my god! I am not going anywhere in that hideous thing.”

Chris’s jaw dropped. “What!?”

“You heard me. Which nineteen seventies hell did you crawl into to drag that thing out of?”

“Shut up. You love it. Don’t listen to her girl; you’re gorgeous,” Chris said as he soothed the car by rubbing gentle strokes along its hood.

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous. I have not seen this thing in ten years.”

“That’s an exaggeration, six the most.”

“I thought this was gone.”

“Never, I’m hanging on to this baby for the rest of my life. I couldn’t part with her—too many memories,” Chris said.

The two of you stood in silence for a few moments. You ran through all the memories of this decades-old wagon and all the things it had seen, the adventures you’d been on. It still looked in mint condition, which was another nod to Chris’s mind. He always did take care of the things he valued.

“Wow. So many memories,” you said, lost in your thoughts.

“So many.”

Your eyes met and rested for several long moments before you cleared your throat loudly, beginning to walk back to your car.

“How many bags you got for me this time?”

“Shut up. If it’s such a hassle, I can carry my own bags. This princess doesn’t need a prince charming.”

As the trunk opened to reveal your four black and white matching camp duffle bags and one black weekender bag, you attempted to grab them, but Chris beat you to it, effortlessly grabbing the five bags in total.

“That’s the beauty of the princess and her prince charming. He knew she was more than capable of saving herself, and he loved that about her, but he was so deeply in love that he vowed never to let it come to that—princess,” he said, ending on a whisper at your ear before walking away.

A shiver ran through you, and just like that, the nerves that had faded when you pulled up returned tenfold. After straightening your back, you closed the trunk and went to the backseat to get the remaining three bags that you’d packed. Again as you moved to grab them, Chris opened the other side and took them before your hand ever touched them.

“Is this it, or are you setting a record with nine bags?”

“Christopher!”

He walked again, laughing to himself. He thought he was so damn funny. You gathered your things from the front seat, excluding your phone, then locked up your vehicle. Before you crossed the parking lot, you took several breaths.

“Conceal, don’t feel,” you whispered to yourself.

Though Elsa was horrible and annoying, that was some excellent advice. You hoped it would work out better for you than it had for her with it. When you got to Chris’s wagon, you slide your fingertips along the smooth paint and smiled as you walked to the passenger side. When you climbed in, Chris looked at you.

“Ready?”

It was a straightforward question, but it was asking so much. Were you ready for this weekend? Were you ready to do this? Were you ready to figure your shit out once and for all? Were you ready to possibly walk into the unknown leaving everything you’d ever known for sure behind? Were you ready to be unapologetically happy no matter where it took you? Were you ready to let go? All good questions. Were you ready? Who the hell knew, but it was too late to turn back now.

You slide your sunglasses in place though the sun had barely begun to rise. “Hit it.”

Without asking again, Chris did as he was told. Within minutes you’d exited the parking lot and were on the driving path that would lead you deeper and deeper into the Massachusetts wilderness. Well, the wilderness that had been carved out for humans who wanted to be close to nature without the threat of being eaten by bears. Though Chris was always analytical, he knew how to read a room. Either it was natural or a Hollywood trick that he’d picked up.

For the first thirty minutes, the drive was relatively quiet except for the music that played. He’d had the good sense to allow you complete control over that. You were sure the way you switched songs that your nerves were in the air. Just as one of you was getting into the song, you would change it after a minute. It was one of your nervous ticks, fidgeting. You fiddled with the switch to change songs, you fiddled with your fingers, your bracelets, and even fiddled with your engagement ring.

Though your body was in the car, your head was miles away, everywhere but nowhere all at the same time. You were going over the endless possibilities and probabilities of the weekend. It was a probability that things would get very transparent, and it was a possibility that transparency would blur lines. You didn’t know what gave you more anxiety, the possibility of being laid bare or the possibility of blurry lines. They were both terrifying.

“It’s so loud in here.”

Your head snapped to Chris, who turned to look at you. There was a small smirk on his lips.

“What? The music isn’t even that loud.”

“I didn’t say it was the music that was loud,” Chris countered.

Crinkling your brows and scrunched your face showing your confusion.

“Your thoughts. They’re loud. Stop.”

Kissing your teeth, you exaggeratedly rolled your eyes the way you only did when he really annoyed you, and you had to show him just how much. Chris snorted and laughed loudly, clapping his hand across his chest.

“Whatever, Christopher!”

“You act as if we’ve never gone camping before, like this is the first time we’ve gone anywhere together. Relax.”

“I am relaxed, shut up. I am fine,” you argued.

“Prove it, stop fidgeting.”

Kissing your teeth again, you straightened your back and rested your hands on your thighs as if you were some android awaiting instructions. With your eyes straight ahead, you watched the winding path the car traveled. After ten seconds, you were dying to move. By the time thirty seconds passed, it was such a strong urge. You had to look over to Chris to see if he was watching. Sure enough, his ass was watching you with the look on his face that said he expected you to fail. Asshole, you thought before you rolled your eyes again and began to bounce your legs again.

Like clockwork, Chris laughed again.

“Stop laughing at me,” you whined.

“I’m sorry. Okay.” Chris straightened his face and focused on the road again for a few minutes before he spoke again. “You don’t have to be nervous around me, Y/N. It’s just me—just us.”

You knew he was right, and when you thought about it for longer than a few seconds, you wanted to kick yourself. He was still Chris, you were still you, and at the end of the day, he was still your best friend. All the other stuff didn’t matter.

“Did you bring your humidifier?”

“Of course.”

“Good, don’t want your truck horn sneezing to attract bears,” Chris teased.

Your jaw dropped, which had him laughing again and drastically lowering the tension in the car, and that tension remained lowered for the remainder of the drive.

About an hour after driving, Chris finally pulled up to your piece of the forest, the piece that you’d accidentally found, and was now your go-to spot. While you were busy looking around and stretching your legs, Chris got to work with the bags that were in the trunk. When you went back to help him, he tried to deter you, saying he could handle it. Any protest ended when you added it would go quicker with your help.

Ten minutes found all the bags on the ground where you chose. Twenty minutes from there, Chris had the tent pitted and had moved on to the grounds area, which housed a separate tent that you used to keep the food items secure. While he set up that tent, you began to bring bags into the sleeping tent and arranging them around the tent, leaving the middle open for the blow-up mattress.

When you realized it was the one mattress, you froze sitting on the floor of the tent. You hadn’t thought about it because this is how it usually happened. It was always a queen-sized mattress that you brought. There was never a problem. However, in light of the confession of Chris’s feelings, you felt this might have been too much.

“What’re you doing?”

“Uh—nothing. I was uh—the mattress.”

“Okay, then why are you just sitting here? Forgot how to do it?”

When he stooped down beside you, he saw you ferociously chewing your bottom lip, another nervous tick.

“What’s up, princess?”

A shiver ran down your spine again. Forcing yourself to shake off the unexpected feeling you debated on if you should tell him. as if reading your mind, Chris took a deep breath.

“If you think it’s not a good idea to share the bed, that’s fine. I can take the ground, or I can even take the tent with the food. I don’t mind.”

Your chewing speed picked up, as did the pressure from your teeth.

“Y/N.”

Looking at him, you studied his face and gazed into his eyes, trying to make a decision. It was Chris, you thought to yourself. You’re making it weird. You’re making this worse than it is. Your internal monologue went back and forth before finally going in on you prompting you to relax. After several minutes of your silence, Chris began to stand.

“Okay. I’ll make the decision.”

You shot your hand out to grab his. Chris stopped then sank back down.

“It's fine.”

“Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable. I don’t want this to be a thing in your head that it’s inappropriate or even that I’m going to try something on you. I’m not. I may be an asshole, but I’m never an asshole to you,” Chris explained.

Sighing, you closed your eyes and gave yourself a mental kick. “It’s fine. It’s always been fine. I trust you, Chris. I’m just--.” You waved your hands around, hoping that was enough of an ending for him because you couldn’t find the right words to finish your thought.

“Insane, I know,” Chris finished making you give him the evil eye. His smile was playful, which was the only reason you didn’t hit him. Instead, you pushed him back, forcing him to lose his balance to fall back on his ass.

“Since you love to talk so much, you can blow this up yourself,” you said, standing and walking out of the tent.

“You act like I don’t like working with my hands. I can do this all day!”

You didn’t doubt it. While Chris finished up there, you brought the food bags into the tent and situated them. What was supposed to be a five-minute task turned into almost fifteen minutes of you organizing things according to food category because once again, your anxiety had gotten to you. Halfway through, it was clear to you that both of you had brought more than enough food for two days. After taking some time to get your head right, you returned to the sleeping tent to find Chris arranging the bags around the tent while the blown-up bed remained bare. From the looks of the bags, you knew his analytical brain had gotten the better of him. Your bags were on the right while his were on the left. He’d managed to put them all perfectly spaced from the other, but he left your overnight bag on its own toward the upper side of the bed.

“Perfect spacing,” you teased as you walked to the foot of the bed. “What happened here?”

“I forgot sheets,” Chris admitted.

Snorting, you shook your head. “Of course you did. Such a man,” you joked as you walked to your bags. You looked through each of them, unsure which one you’d packed the sheets into. Once you found them, you turned and held them up.

“Ta-da.”

“Of course, you’d pack a set of sets.”

“Let’s get it straight. I packed two sets of sheets,” you said as you tossed him the pillowcases.

“Shit, I forgot my pillow.”

Chris smirked and walked to the large garbage bag that was on the ground and pulled out a replica of your pillow.

“I already knew you would. It’s like a given with you.”

Smiling, you nodded. “Okay, thank you.”

For the next few minutes, the two of you made lite work of making up the blow-up mattress. Your bodies passed each other working together to make sure it was done correctly. When you were putting on one of the pillowcases on the left side of the bed, you glanced at him. This all felt so domestic, so—natural. Jaxon always hated helping with the sheets because you had a particular way you liked them and that particular way got on his nerves because he could never get it right.

Chris folded down the shimmery cream silk fitted sheet over the lite faux fur blanket that was a complementary hue so that it was neatly resting at the top of the mattress right underneath the pillow. Once he was finished with that, he folded the end, so it created a perfect inward triangle. You continued to watch as he smoothed his palm across it brushing away any creases, then his eyes landed on you. It was perfect.

“What?”

Smiling, you shook your head. “Nothing. You did good,” you answered, placing the pillow down, completing the look. “It’s perfect.”

“I know. You and your OCD ass,” Chris joked before walking out of the tent, leaving you to admire his handiwork and fold your side into the triangle.

When you got outside, Chris was setting up the location for the cooking setup. That was your queue to gather some wood so he would be able to light a fire in a few hours. After letting him know your intention, he warned you to keep close but returned to preparing the area. Before you turned away, you saw him take off his plaid long sleeve shirt to show his tank top underneath. His muscular arms stopped you for a few seconds before you continued with the mission.

As you walked around the perimeter of the camp, you quickly got lost in your surroundings. The trees' beautiful green matched the grass's vibrant green and complimented the wildflowers that littered the ground about you. Bending, you picked up a branch that would do nicely for the pit and picked one of the flowers nearby. Tucking it behind your ear, you carried on with your search for branches.

Ten or so minutes later, you returned with an arm full of branches to find Chris with his tank top off. He was setting up a safety perimeter. From behind, you could see the lite layer of sweat that decorated his body, giving it a look as if he’d been rubbed down with baby oil. The sheen glistened with the light and almost had your jaw-dropping. When did he get all that? Before your thoughts could stray any further, Chris turned.

“There you are. I was going to send out the search party.”

You cleared your throat and approached where Chris has set up the fire pit location and dropped the branches.

“About done here?”

“Uh—after I arrange these, yeah. Why?

“Let’s go for a walk, you know, get the blood pumping in other directions.”

Chris looked at you, quizzically. “Other directions? Like where and from where?”

Avoiding his eyes, you spun around, trying to decide on a direction. “How about that direction?”

Without waiting for him to answer, you walked ahead.

“You wanna give me a little time?”

“Catch up, and put a shirt on. Your pale ass burns easily,” you shouted behind you while continuing your walk.

Using the free minutes of alone time you had left, you tried to screw your head back on right. In all your years of friendship, you’d never looked at him like that. You barely noticed if he had muscles or was skinny and scrawny like he was when he was a teenager. You never saw it.

“What the hell was that, Y/N?”

“What was what?”

Looking beside you, Chris fell into step with you as if your rapid pace was comfortable.

“Nothing. Why didn’t you bring Dodger?”

“Uh—I was tempted. I just thought it was a good idea to leave him.”

“I miss him. Jaxon doesn’t like dogs. He doesn’t like pets actually,” you absentmindedly said without thinking.

“Huh.”

Looking at him, you realized what you’d said. “Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I just brought him up.”

“It’s fine,” Chris professed.

“Is it?”

He took a deep breath, shrugged, and looked ahead. “Look, it’s no secret I don’t like the guy.”

“You sure acted like it.”

“What was I supposed to do, Y/N? Tell you I don’t like your boyfriend?”

“Why not. Maybe we could have found a way for you to like him,” you replied.

“I was never going to like him. I will never like him or anyone else you’re with,” Chris said, his tone pointed but also soft.

Studying him, you realized again what you’d said. The two of you walked in silence for a few moments; both lost in your own thoughts.

“This is so crazy,” you huffed out.

“Did you like all my girlfriends?”

As soon as he asked, you snorted out and laughed. “We shouldn’t talk about this.”

“No, we should. That’s what this weekend is for. Honesty,” Chris finalized.

Glancing at him, you found his eyes already on you. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure as hell not going to hold anything else back.”

Taking a few moments to gather your thoughts, you changed directions getting closer to the river bank.

“I love this spot so much.”

You stood there staring out at the majestic sight before you. The beauty of the green trees and mountains in the distance was breathtaking. Your favorite part was how the backdrop mirrored in the lake, making it seem as if another replica world was right underneath the water's surface. It was easy to feel small here and easy for you to get back to the simplicity of things.

“If by girlfriends you mean the ones that stuck around past five months, then I liked them all except two,” you confessed.

“Which two?”

Smirking, you pinched your lips and looked at him. “The one with the nose, and the one with that hideous back tattoo. What the fuck was that?”

Chris busted out laughing. It was a contagious laugh because you had to join in seconds later. The two of you laughed uncontrollably for a full minute until it slowly died down.

“You know what, I guessed one, but the other—I’m shocked. She was nice.”

You rolled your eyes and kept walking, already tired of the lies. Soon Chris was beside you again.

“She wasn’t nice?”

“She was fake. She wanted two things from you, and she got them.”

“What are those two things?”

“It’s not important,” you countered.

“Of course, it is. I wanna know. what two things?”

Bouncing you with his bulky shoulder, you staggered sideways before you turned to him, stopping for a moment.

“Tell me.”

“Fine. She wanted a good dick down and clout,” you replied, then continued walking.

“Woah, woah, woah. A good dick down? What do you mean? How do you know my dick down is good?”

“Shut up, Chris. You’re the biggest hoe, and you always thought that no one talks when you hoe around. Everyone talks. There have been some stories that I’ve heard that are just—nuts. I’ve heard of twosomes, threesomes, hell foursomes, and even the one time you found yourself at some Hollywood sex orgy party. I had to give Scott a double take from that one. Honestly, how many women have you slept with? Then you turn around and tell me you’ve been in love with me since high school. Come on!”

You’d rambled like a manic, letting your frantic thoughts get the better of you. When you realized he wasn’t walking beside you, that was when you took a breath. Looking back, Chris had stopped and had his head hung as if he’d lost his most prized possession.

“Chris--,” you remorsefully began.

“I know how my actions seem Y/N. I know what the rumors say. I know everyone calls me a whore and thinks that all I care about is ass. I know.” He walked closer, then stopped in front of you. “You’re my best friend; I just wish you didn’t think that about me too.” With that, he walked ahead of you, leaving you standing there.

Sighing, you dropped your head back to roll your eyes. “Great.”

The walk was quiet after that. Chris either kept his head down or eyes straight ahead. He also remained in front of you and didn’t return beside you after that. You knew he was sensitive about the whole whore thing. It wouldn’t have usually been something you would have brought up, but it was on your mind. It had remained on your mind since he confessed his feelings. It was something you couldn’t wrap your head around. If you knew how you felt about someone, you couldn’t just sleep around with others as if you felt nothing, especially when you came home and saw them for holidays and even family functions. It was something you needed answers to, but seeing Chris’s disposition, you decided against it.

By the time the sun was highest in the sky, and you’d made it to the top of a cliff that gave you a bird's eye view of the forest, you’d reached your level of avoidance. You had to know.

“I--,” both of you began at the same time.

You pinched your lips together and waited for him to go just as he did the same.

You spoke again, “I--.” Again Chris began the same time you did.

“You go,” Chris offered.

“Do you know how many women you’d introduced me to?”

He sighed but didn’t do what you expected. Instead, he turned to you and gave you his undivided attention.

“Tell me.”

“Six. Including your latest even though that was over FaceTime. Six women, Chris. Six women during the entirety of when you said you were in love with me. Six women. Six women, you paraded around, fell in love with, had sex with, six.”

“I’ve never been in love with any of them.”

That was when your jaw dropped, and you gaped at him.

“It’s a dick thing to say, especially now, but it’s also the truth. I loved three of them but was never in love with any of them.”

You didn’t need him to tell you that there was a difference between being in love with someone and loving them. You knew there was a difference.

“Jennifer? Danika? Your mom thought you’d marry one of them.”

“I loved things about them. Was I ever in love? No. I tried, I just—couldn’t.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“It’s something to you never being in love with any of your old boyfriends.”

Your head swiveled to him. He didn’t look cocky, though. He just looked sure.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m the only person who knows what I’m talking about when it comes to that, apart from Irisa.”

That cornered feeling you hated was creeping up onto you.

“That also includes this one you’ve convinced yourself you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

“I love Jaxon,” you quickly defended.

“Maybe, and that’s a huge maybe. You’re not in love with him.”

“How the hell do you know that, Chris?”

Chris studied you for several long moments. Every second of silence only made your anxiety rise higher and higher. When you were sure he knew you were about to lose your shit, he spoke.

“I’ve known you since I was a kid. I know everything about you. I know every tick, every sign, signal, nerve ending. The only thing I can’t figure out is why you’d move up a wedding you don’t want to have in the first place. So tell me, Y/N. Why?”

Gulping down the water in the bottle, you focused on the scenery. “And I can’t figure out why you’d break your lifetime of silence this many months after my initial engagement. You’ve done this at the worst possible time, and now you just expect me to what—leave Jaxon and throw all this time and the plans away. What’s to say next year this time you’re not changing your mind?”

“I’ve never not been in love with you, Y/N. Never. I loved you close in high school. I loved you from afar when you went off to college and me LA. I loved you through the good, the easy, the complicated. I’ve been in love with you through it all. I never thought I had a chance so I held my peace until I couldn’t. then---I was afraid not only of the rejection but also the love that I felt.”

Chris quickly looked at you then scoffed. “You don’t get it,” he began. “Have you ever felt something so powerful that it—supersedes anything you’ve ever felt and makes it impossible to feel anything else for anyone else? Nothing I ever felt for anyone came close to what I feel for you. Nothing I thought of anyone was anything like what I thought of you. I compared every woman to you on every single level.”

You took a deep breath, and though you wanted to look away because the intensity of his stare was making your skin tingle and your heart race, you didn’t. You kept your eyes on his.

“I can see the fear in your eyes. I’ve always been able to see it,” Chris began as he slid closer to you, so there were just a few inches between you.

His long spider-like legs were open and bent over yours that were crossed. His hands rested on your thighs, and it was an action he’d done hundreds of times. It shouldn’t have made you look to them or even made your heart flutter, but it did.

“What’re you afraid of?”

Meeting his eyes, you got so nervous that you had no idea what to say.

“I’ve planned my life.”

“So what? Plans are meant to change, be adjusted, reevaluated—upgraded,” Chris said.

“And you’re the upgrade?”

He slowly licked his lips before he bit into his bottom lip. You could feel his fingertips gently sinking into your thighs. It felt surprisingly good.

“I’d be cocky as fuck if I said yes. I’m just going to say when it comes to you—yes. We’re comfortable with each other. We know everything about each other. I know how to handle your neurosis, your OCD, your ticks, and all the nuances that make you who you are. I know what you like. I know what makes you happy and angry. We’re similar where it matters. I’d never change you or expect you to change or try to fit into my life or my world.”

When you looked down, he lifted your chin to face him again. “I’m not trying to shame you or anything, Y/N. You asked.”

“Yeah, I know.”

For a few minutes, the two of you just stared at each other, neither of you speaking or moving. His hands remained on your thigh, and the longer they stayed there, the more used to it you got. The more used to it you became, the more his warmth seeped into your skin and began speaking to you, making you not mind if this one move could be disrespectful. Five minutes turned to ten and ten to fifteen, and that was when you moved to suggest you began making your way back to camp.

As the hours waned, you and Chris enjoyed nature doing the competitive things you’d done since you were kids whenever you came here. Usually, you’d compete for jobs and roles such as cooking and producing the day’s meals or clean up duty this time, Chris decided to switch things up. You had a scavenger hunt for pinecones, which he won. His reward was one IOU. You went down to the lake, skipped stones, an event you always rocked, so you got the IOU. After that, you took turns seeing who could take better nature pictures based on category. Again, you rocked at anything creative, so you took the win though it wasn’t an easy one.

By the time got the fifth activity, making a craft from four things you found in the vicinity, the sun was beginning to make its descent behind the mountains and trees. As you sat on your side of the forest with your back leaned against a tree focusing hard on the twig, flower, and feather dreamcatcher, you found yourself glancing up and around the tree that was supposed to be serving as a wall between you so your creations would be a surprise. He was sitting once again in his tank, brows knitted and head focused down on what he was doing. You could tell his jaw was clenched from the way his mouth was set. Every few seconds, he’d bit onto his bottom lip in a way that piqued more than your attention. When he looked up, you always played it off as if you were looking somewhere else into the distance.

“Five minutes left,” Chris shouted.

“Don’t rush me, Evans.”

“I’m not, Y/L/N, just following the timer.”

“Worry about yourself. You have five minutes left,” you shot back. Chris’s snickering echoed in the forest, making you smile.

You hurried to put the finishing touches on your craft because Chris was a stickler for being on time. It was a pet peeve of his, one you enjoyed messing with on a regular. You were able to squeeze ten minutes extra out of him to his annoyance. When you shouted out that you were ready, you peeped behind the tree to see his smiling face.

“Don’t be shy, princess.”

You walked toward him with your craft hidden behind your back while smiling like a thief. Once you got close enough, you turned around at the same time he did to press your back to his.

“I can’t believe we’re still doing this,” Chris scoffed out.

“I know. It’s great. I love this.”

“That’s because you always get the point. Your crafts are incredible,” Chris whined.

“Aww. Your crafts are great too. I still have everything you've ever made me.”

“Really?” He sounded shocked, and you understood why. None of the things he made you were out in plain sight. You had them tucked away in a decorated box from when you were fifteen. It was embarrassing.

“Yeah. I’ve never thrown anything away. I would never.”

You could see his eyes lingering on yours for a few moments before he looked away. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. Anyway, ready to give me this win?”

“So damn cocky. I don’t wanna hear anything about me.”

Giggling, you shimmied against his back, accentuating the height difference between you.

“Okay, on three.”

As he counted to three, you got more and more excited to reveal your craft. Once you both turned, both of your jaws dropped.

“Oh my god, Chris.”

“Me? Woah, how’d you make that?”

He marveled at the dreamcatcher in your hand while you stood there astonished by the three wooden cravings in his. As Chris reached for yours, you reached for his. He’d somehow managed to hand carve three figures, and he’d managed to put so much detail into them.

“How did you—are there two me?”

“What gave it away?”

You inspected the figurines closer. One looked to have very curly like hair that was done with swirls in the wood. The clothes he’d somehow designed were adorable; it was a crop top of some form and a pair of jeans with hearts on the pockets.

“Oh my god, Chris is this—are these the jeans I always wore in high school? The ones with the hearts?”

He was smiling widely as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh my god, this is amazing, and this one.”

You studied it and took note of the difference between the hair and the clothes. This one looked like your dress from that first Hollywood event he took you to. It was the one that you’d spent nearly a fortune on because you wanted to make sure you didn’t embarrass him. That was the night he assured you that nothing you could ever do would embarrass him, and he didn’t care what the press thought. You remembered then the words he said when you turned the carving to the back to see the same words.

-I love every single thing about you and wouldn’t change one thing. You’re my perfect.-

Slapping your hand across your mouth, you looked at him, completely unsure how you could have forgotten.

“The two most significant times, I’ve fallen in love with you. I told you, I’ve said it tens of times.”

What the hell did you say to that? You wondered how many times he’s plainly said it, but you just never registered it the way he meant it. Was your entire life and friendship a lie?

Thanks to the eight activities, you managed to get three IOUs, but Chris was the one who came away with the overall win with five IOUs. He took pity on you and volunteered to handle dinner, which allowed you to get yourself to the one place you were too excited to get to. When you walked a little further past the lake in the middle of the forest, there was a beautiful pond like enclosure with a picturesque waterfall and cave. If anyone saw you, they might say you looked like an idiot walking through the woods wrapped in a towel wearing your rain boots carrying a bath caddy. No wonder he always made fun of you, you thought, as you laid your towel across a boulder.

The water was just right. Taking your time, you swam around, being careful not to get your hair wet. You knew it was inevitable your hair would get ruined by the end of this weekend, but that didn’t mean you should help it along its way. It was easy to get lost in the sereneness of your surroundings. The only sounds around you were that of birds chirping, the breeze through the trees, and the soft rustling of bushes as harmless animals scampered around. It all sounded like one of the sleep mixes you used when your mind refused to shut down at night.

By the time you actually began soaping your skin, the sun was disappearing, giving the sky the most beautiful glow. It wasn’t a glow that could be wholly appreciated in the city. It was its best here. As you watched the sky change colors from pink and purple to orange and every variation of it until it became near navy. Something about being here made you feel freer, more like yourself, or who you were at your core. For some reason, you always felt like you had to be a neater, more restrained version of yourself in the city. It was exhausting. You never felt that way with Chris, but you didn’t know if that was necessarily a good thing or not.

Something made you look back, and that was where you saw Chris at the bank just staring at you with his mouth wide. Though it was dark, you could perfectly make out his features. The way he looked ar you made your stomach flutter. When your breathing became short and more strained, you noticed your heart's racing and the way it made you slightly dizzy. This was a first. Part of you said you should be appalled or close to it, but it was such a small part it was easy to ignore. Still, you found yourself sinking lower into the water until it reached your shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Chris began as he turned to the side, dipping his head low. “I didn’t mean to—I shouldn’t have—I should have—I didn’t see anything,” He finished.

Not knowing what to say, you kept quiet.

“I came to tell you dinner was ready not—perv out while you’re,” he trailed off.

“You’re only perving it you jerk off while you’re being a creeper.”

“I might tonight,” he said under his breath, but thanks to the way water carried sound, you heard him loud and clear. The thought was the first of its kind ever to have entered your mind. Had he thought about while he jerked off before?

When you didn’t speak for a while, Chris spoke instead. “So uh—see you back at camp.”

With that, he walked off, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

By the time you got back to camp, you saw that Chris had set up a blanket in front of a roaring fire as he waited for you to join him. You quickly dipped into the tent to change into something comfortable. It wasn’t longer than five minutes before you’d reemerged in a pair of grey shorts and a white cropped tank that you covered with an oversized cable knit sweater.

“I’m here. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I know your ritual, shower before eat or else you don’t enjoy your meal,” Chris lectured.

A soft smile spread across your lips. It was comforting having someone who knew you so well. There was safety in regularity.

“This looks great. I didn’t know you brought steak.”

“When don’t I bring meat.”

The two of you giggled because it was true. Chris was a steak and potatoes man through and through. The fuss and muss was not for him, and you loved that. There were nights he’d be completely happy with a burger and fries as opposed to some frilly meal. Another thing he and Jaxon didn’t share, especially looking at Jaxon’s two gourmet restaurants. He loved frill. You didn’t care either way.

“It looks and smells amazing,” you said as you dug into the meal before you. as you chewed the tender steak, the flavorful juices had you moaning. “God, you always knew how to make a steak be the best I ever had.”

“That says a lot especially thinking--,” Chris began before you cut him off.

“—I know.”

That was that. He didn’t push to know more or discuss it any further. You ate for some time in silence. It wasn't because you had nothing to say; you were just once again lost in your thoughts. By the time you’d moved on to the shrimp, you’d found your voice.

“Thank you for the carvings.”

“Thank you for the dream catcher. Maybe it’ll help bring the good ones to life.”

Your eyes lingered for a while before he brought his beer bottle to his mouth. Looking away, you finished yours and reached for your third.

“The liquor store didn’t have your wine,” Chris began.

“I’m not nearly as bougie as you think I am. Beer is perfect.”

Chris snorted and shook his head as he took another swig.

“Says the woman who wore a full face of makeup to a pool party.”

“Look, it was waterproof. I needed it. Why wouldn’t I want to look good in the water?”

He laughed so loudly you knew he’d scared some animals away that were inching toward the glow of the fire.

“Stop laughing at me,” you whined.

“Fine. Sorry.” He tried to stop laughing, but it took a while for his face to go back to straight. The whole time you glared at him unamused. Once he was straight-faced again, he raised his hand before he reached for his third beer.

“Are you wearing makeup now?”

“No,” you replied.

“Guess you don’t need it. You looked plenty good in the water,” he murmured before he brought his beer to his mouth.

Was that an innuendo? Was he flirting? You’d never experienced it before, so you had no idea.

“Was that inappropriate? It probably was. I’m sorry.”

“No—it’s—it’s fine,” you said, utterly unsure if it was or not.

“Is it?”

You stared, silently sizing each other and the moment up. This was completely unchartered territory. Was it inappropriate? Did it bother you?

Slowly, you responded with the first thing that came to your mind. “Yeah. It’s fine.”

Chris stared at you as he rubbed the spout of the bottle against his plump bottom lip, drawing your eyes right to it. He looked as if he were trying to either come up with a game plan on how to move forward or if he was doubling back on an already established plan. He looked like he was just as confused as you. When he looked away and into the fire, you did the same.

“Were you just—did you just flirt with me?”

Chris snorted and shook his head. “See, this game you say I have is nonexistent.”

“So you were?”

When he nodded, your eyes bugged. “Wow. I completely didn’t—I feel like our entire life and friendship has been a lie.”

“I get that,” Chris assured.

“How could I have been so blind? So—I didn’t even think that the things you said, or the way you said them meant anything beyond you being my best friend. I didn’t know how you felt. How do I know that the times we were just laying together on your couch or mine didn’t--,” you trailed off, gulping down the remainder of your beer before reaching for another.

“I’m sorry,” Chris started.

“Stop saying you’re sorry!” It was unfair. You knew it but hearing him saying sorry so much got to you especially thinking that he’d been saying the same thing for years. You just hadn’t been listening.

The silence between you stretched for several minutes, and it gave you time to finish your fourth beer. You sure hoped he’d brought more than this one twelve pack. Once it was finished, you took a deep breath and tried to be an adult and use your words.

“You’ve been saying the same thing for years. You’ve said it so many times, so many ways. I never listened. I never heard you.”

“Y/N, I took the coward’s way. Yeah, I said it, but I knew there was one way to say it that you couldn’t ignore, but I didn’t. I was too afraid to. This is my fault. I don’t want you blaming yourself for this. I was a coward. I deserved for you to live your life and meet other people and all of this pain I’ve been in. I deserve it.”

In seconds you’d moved over to him and grabbed his hands. “Stop it. You didn’t deserve this. God. Sometimes you piss me off so bad.”

Chris snorted and shook his head. “I should have said something sooner.”

“You should have. So much could have been different.”

He angled his head and gave you a look that had you realizing what you’d said. “What could have been different?”

Dropping your head, you toyed with his fingers. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t say something like that unless you know. Tell me.” His fingers laced with yours, and though it wasn’t something new, it felt new.

“I don’t know. I mean—who knows, tons of things could have been different. We don’t know how things would have played out.”

“You think we’d be together now?”

You stared at him and contemplated his question. Was it possible?

“You don’t think we know too much to work?”

“No, I think because we know so much we would work. You’ve seen me at my absolute worst,” Chris mentioned.

It was true, and you thought that was one of the reasons you wouldn’t work. Could you be with him knowing his history? It was more questions to put on top of all the others you already had. You doubted anything would be worked out by the end of the weekend.

Once the two of you’d finished eating, you were on clean up duty while Chris went to get a bath. You spent ten minutes cleaning up and securing the tent with the food before you wandered down to the lake to stare out at the moon. The glint of your engagement ring caught your eye, and it was there your eyes remained. Though you’d brought Jaxon up before, this was the first time you thought about him. Even now, it wasn’t an intimate thought. It was more the concept of him.

You twirled the ring around your finger, something you realized you did quite a lot. You remembered Irisa telling you an old wives tale about if a woman spins her engagement or wedding band, it meant she wanted to get out of the relationship. It was never a thought to you before now. Within the last week, you’d never been more confused in your whole life. One minute your head was in one place, and the next, you were backtracking. Things were so confusing that you saw things differently than you ever had, and that second sight had you questioning your actions that you were so sure about before.

Holding up your hand, the ring on your finger looked as if it was competing with the full moon in the sky. The moon was just barely larger than the diamond you wore. Jaxon’s whole concern was making sure it was big enough. Groaning, you rolled your eyes and dropped your hand, slightly annoyed that your mind kept jumping to anything Jaxon related. One of the points for this weekend was to get away from everything.

Thinking there was no plausible way for you to get through the weekend with a constant reminder of everything you were supposed to be getting away from, you made your decision. Slipping your ring off of your finger, you held it in your free hand beside your outstretched one. You’d taken it off before, of course, but this time was not to shower or anything technically related. This time was different. This time was the first possibility you wouldn’t put it back on. You were afraid of it—terrified.

By the time you returned to camp, you were sure it had to have been an hour later. The only lights on were the twinkle lights Chris had strung around the camp to allow some form of light in the middle of the dark forest. The fire was on its last legs; you knew it would be outed before morning. Reaching the tent, you unzipped the flap to go inside. Once you did, you stopped in your tracks, seeing Chris’s bare ass. He spun around completely as bare as the day he was born, showing you all his glory.

Your jaw dropped, but you didn’t turn. You couldn’t. Your eyes were glued to his groin. Good lord, you thought as your mouth actually watered. You don’t know how long Chris stood there in all his glory, but when he grabbed the discarded towel to hold before his crotch, you finally averted your eyes.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” you rushed out as you turned your back.

“I’m sorry, I should have,” Chris began.

“No, I should have knocked, or made a sound, or wiggled something. Shit, oh god.”

You quickly rushed out of the tent, and paced around the campfire, lost in your thoughts. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen Chris naked, but it was the first time you’d seen him naked since you’d gotten out of teenage years. Good lord, had things changed. What the fuck was that? Did your mouth actually water? You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t hear Chris come up behind you until you bumped into him.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s just nudity.”

“Just nudity? Oh my god, I haven’t seen you naked since we were teens, no twenty,” you ranted.

“No big deal.”

“No, Chris, that was a big deal, that--,” you motioned toward his junk.

The amusement on his face was so obvious.

“Don’t make me laugh. This isn’t funny.”

“It is when you think about it. It’s insane we’ve never gone through something like this before,” Chris eluded.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you. I’ll consider it even seeing I walked in on you earlier. Let’s go to bed. You know the sun rises early out here.”

Groaning, you walked ahead and into the tent with Chris on your heels. Once you’d climbed in, you laid on your side with your back to him and just stared out. No matter how much you tried to think of something else, you couldn’t. All you could see was his dick, his impressively girthy dick. You flipped onto your back and stared up at the night sky, and took a deep breath. You’d forgotten about this view and forgotten how breathtaking it was. The stars in the sky shimmered like tiny specks of silver and white glitter.

“Wow.”

“I know. The best thing about nights out here,” Chris countered.

You glanced at him and saw him lying on his back with his arms behind his head. He looked calm and at home, like he wasn’t ashamed in the least. The two of you remained quiet, staring at the sky, soaking it all up.

“Chris,” you began.

“Yeah, princess.”

Biting your bottom lip, you swallowed any angst you had about asking this question.

“Have you thought about me?”

He didn’t speak right away, and you didn’t have the guts to look at him, so you waited for him to speak.

“Do you think I’ve thought about you?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it before tonight.”

“And now that you have?”

You turned your head to him just as he turned to look at you. Your eyes lingered before you watched his eyes drop to your mouth. You knew he knew what you were asking.

“Yeah—I’ve thought of you, more times than I’d like to admit,” Chris confessed.

You’d gotten into this mess with his confessions, and there was another one. Your belly fluttered, and your heart raced. Biting your bottom lip, you looked to his and wanted more than anything to know what they felt like. He must have read your mind because that was when he turned to you. After a few seconds, you turned to him the same way and rested your hand on your pillow. Chris moved his hand and engulfed yours, lacing his fingers with yours.

Staring at him, you felt as if this was a do or die moment, and depending on what decision either of you made, your lives would turn. Chris leaned forward and kissed your forehead.

“Good night, princess.”

With that, he laid back down, keeping your hand in his.

Oh fuck, you thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#the confession fic #Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x black reader #angst fanfic #black fanfiction #slow burn fanfic

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