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#is truly mindblowing with her acting
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Fuck the religious symbolism, this was the holy moment for me
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1950 BY KING PRINCESS STARTS PLAYING
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trufflesmushroom · 1 year
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like idk about you guys but my life is fucking wild right now like im swinging between really crazy things on the daily. like this morning i went to the new psychiatrists office and got homophobia and transphobia thrown at me. then i came home and got a box from australia filled with a truly mindblowing selection of dolls from @oak23. two of my friends who recently went to malaysia and singapore and japan unloaded a bunch of really great souvenir gifts on me. and then we went to see the mario movie. i wore a princess peach crown and my new howls moving castle earrings. i got a slurpee. and then i came home and really unloaded that box of dolls and almost tore my shoulder rolling around in excitement. and now i have to calm down by drawing batman fan art. because tomorrow im going out to buy my new car. and take another mri of my spine. and then go to the bank to deal with some irritating stuff. and i have to do a bunch of work stuff i’m not going to be paid for, like students’ reports and a meeting with a student and her parents and a different counselor ive never met before. and then i have to try to find time to prepare the materials i need for a new lecture on the next project for one of my classes but its actually smth outside of my actual experience so i have to learn it myself first and then build the lecture materials. how is there such a world of difference between today’s extreme ups and tomorrow’s extreme downs. except of course my new psychiatrist being a fucking idiot bigot LOL anyway how the hell am i supposed to be calm or normal in the head. am i supposed to sit here and act normal?? w my malaysian snacks and new toys and mountain of responsibilities and neverending stimulus?? i want to buy liquid acrylic and flat base earring posts and i want to sit and make and make and make and make. i want to ride this happy wave and do what makes me happy. in my life i have good friends and i dont get this much happy endorphins and serotonin and dopamine from much else. but tomorrow im dropping like $30,000+++ on a car and i have a portfolio to spruce up and also my roots grew out AGAIN FUCKING AGAIN!!!! when will it end!!!! my dreams are wild!!!! i want esophagus surgery!!!! i like donkey king in the mario movie he’s funny!!!! I JUST WANNA SIT FOR A WHILE AND MAKE EARRINGS AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
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ballet-symphonie · 1 year
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Absolutely mandatory viewing - a truly spectacular DQ.
Highlights include:
0:00 Renata's stunning series of temps de flèche
2:57 Renata doing an assemblé so high that her head nearly goes outside of the camera frame
3:36 Act 1 Pas de trois, finishing with Kimin's signature consecutive double tours
4:14 Kitri's act I variation, complete with triple piqués en dehors and backbreaking leaps, all at whirlwind speed.
4:54 The superman Kimin, with one arm press lifts to both sides!
5:38 Charming Renata, so expressive in her eyes to go along with razor-sharp balances and mindblowing turns, ending the dizzying diagonal with a double piqués en dehors with her arms over her head.
7:58 Love how she jumps so freely into his arms with her head completely thrown back, so exciting!
8:40 Kimin's acting, so cute, he can't possibly even fake being angry with his Kitri, followed by lots of head-shaking DRAMA
8:58 That smirk, I'm dead. PLUS THE KISS TO THE AUDIENCE. Love the pandering that is DQ
9:47 Just too cute, have no further words. Renata's expressions are beyond adorable especially when she cheekily asks for more kisses. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD YOU TWO
9:57 Ahh yes, she remembered now. Here comes the pageantry, especially effective with her fluttering her big doe eyes
10:25 Haven't seen this before, Kimin lovably tugging on Renata's skirt, "Hey, we're doing this gig to get hitched remember! Eyes on the prize!" Their expressions and chemistry is just pure gold.
11:19 Love how playful Renata is in the entree, with deep cambrés and bold arm and head movements, especially as she finishes the pirouettes. Very attractive to see the character of Kitri still shining in the grand pas.
11:54 Flawless lift. Notice Renata's superb coordination, in order to catch the music on time, she prepares her arms to start the turns while coming down from the lift.
12:20 Full split grand pas de chat with no momentum into the adagio preparation SO EXTRA, SO DON Q, I'M HERE FOR IT
12:30 "I'll just make a couple timestamps, I won't go crazy".....I lied to myself. But but this fouette is just too good, Kimin transitioning with both arms stretched wide to show her off. Renata's eyes just make me fall in love and I'm obsessed with her sassy transition into 4th position en pointe.
12:54 WHAT A MOMENT. TIME LITERALLY STOPPED....moving on
13:02 I promise I'll stop timestamping every 10 seconds but like, that arabesque balance is how every balance should be. Classy, without showboating, an active choice on when to exist, no needless 4th wall breaking, perfectly musical.
13:20 The pirouettes? Stellar. The transition out of it? Even better.
13:44 SHe's so confident here, she looks up and explodes her arms out before exiting the pirouette into the penché. That choice creates such feelings of elation.
14:11 Give me either one of their renveresé, thanks :)
14:16 Exiting this (gorgeously done) lift can be awkward, love how Renata uses her arms to transition into the next pose
15:02 YES to the traveling that's happening!!
15:33 Her smile. That's all. Delightful.
15:47 ADORABLE
16:13 Kimin's variation starts. I mean come on. He's just flying around. THOSE OUTSIDE ATTITUDE PIOUETTES. Super stable tours to high arabesques. Just too good.
17:04 Renata's variation starts. Jawdropping footwork, the petit rond de jambes are so clean and so precise, and she's moving so much when she does them. HERE FOR THE RENATA SASS. THe way her face lights up when the crowd starts clapping is priceless
17:57 CODA TIME!!!! Legitimately think no one has ever done this jump better than Kimin. And that manage, just looks like it takes no effort for him to complete. He just floats around like it's nothing.
18:21 Holy shit her fouettes are insane, AND THEN ALL DOUBLES IN THe SECOND HALF???? Aish, her tiny frustrated face appeared for half a second because she was the tiniest bit off and had to do one single. But what a fight, she's such a spitfire. I was on the edge of my seat.
18:45 Speechless. Just what??? How????? Kimin Kim, explain yourself????
19:15 THE WAY THEY SMILE. WHAT A SHOW!!!!
I did this during my first watch-through, I think you can gauge my level of excitement quite clearly ahaha. Let me know your favorite moments and if you enjoyed reading my first reaction :)
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will80sbyers · 1 year
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Are you ever afraid we're putting too much faith into the writers? It's been a few months since vol2 dropped so I feel like people are already forgetting the parts of the story that weren't particularly good. The almost cheesy bullying? Robin and vickie being very similar to each other? Eddie dying in kind of a stupid way just because he was always meant to die? The st*ncy revival (though I hope that's just a red herring ofc)? The timeskip everyone hated? The neverending russia plotline? I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting. Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't expect perfectly satisfying storylines in s5. Do you think some of these weren't actually that bad, or were they bad but s5 will still deliver?
I don't think the Duffers are perfect writers but I like what they have done so far with the show so I'm not worried ♥️
imo the bullying wasn't cheesy it was exactly how bullies acted at that time and many people online talked about having similar experiences and relating to Eleven to the point of being retraumatized by that, bullying has simply changed a bit with technology I believe
we have not seen enough of Vickie to say that she's too similar to Robin, they made her talk fast like Robin because they wanted to make it clear that Robin was not the only one with a crush + Vickie was introduced mainly for the byler parallel
Eddie's death was not stupid in my opinion, he didn't know what was happening with Steve and the others and wanted to give them more time and be brave for once, the problem with Eddie's death is that it was predictable but it had sense in the narrative + his character was written in also to forward Dustin's character arc for next season so I believe it will play a huge part on the general narrative
I don't think Stancy was really revived, I think it was all about making Nancy understand that Steve had truly changed (because they probably will kill him off next season... to make it more dramatic and sad when he dies for love)
Once you rewatch the time skip doesn't feel weird anymore, I think it was the first impression because we have big action scene right before and it seemed sudden because the brain is overwhelmed... I also believe they could explore it back with flashbacks but we will see!
The Russia plotline was literally necessary to save Hopper and start jopper officially and I personally liked it, I don't think it was badly written and I think that what they learned about the Russian studying the demogorgons could help them next season because they showed the tanks and all
so yeah, I'm not expecting the most mindblowing never seen before thing ever from the show but I'm expecting something that is true to the characters, a good theme of True love winning against evil that I personally love with all my heart and the importance of friendship and found families... I'm expecting the right ending for stranger things... maybe a bit sad because at least one character I love will probably die but still a good ending!
I have faith that they know what they are doing because for now everything that I didn't like at first watch I understood later what was the purpose of that :)
adding byler proof just because I feel like it lol
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mistfallengw2 · 10 months
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Finished "What Lies Within", putting my opinion and comments about it under read more
While it wasn't a mindblowing episode or anything, I actually really liked it! It was a nicer-than-anticipated ending to the traumatic stuff, can't believe the commander actually got therapy(!!!) and the plan didn't backfire (as far as we know, that is). Also I live for dialogues and interactions like these, and I absolutely loved how the voice acting got rough on the feels at times (gonna redo it on another character tomorrow to pick the other options). More of this please! And I'm really curious about what the 4th expansion will be like, especially if this epilogue of sorts had anything that could count as introduction to it (that laugh is very interesting).
Still gotta try the updated meta, achievements and extra activities. While I've seen some complaints about it, I don't really care if the meta is not amazing, we have plenty of those already anyway. Sure, story aside it did feel a bit lackluster, but I can only send kudos to the devs for making something compelling even while they're working hard on the mini-expansion stuff.
And I'm also satisfied because I think this will slot well into Aurelia's story and character arc without any rework needed on my part. She does get more company than the canon commander for sure, but letting people truly in was always the core issue and there are still a few walls to tear down between her and her family. Also the set up part was absolutely done in eager agreement with her partner who was busy elsewhere, and Aurelia of course chooses Canach to lighten her spirits up like old times (and they gotta bring that "lesbian and gay friend who go out together for fun" energy to the triple date).
Lastly, Taimi and Gorrik. FINALLY. My cheeks hurt from grinning like a dolt at any interaction between them.
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tbos-main · 2 years
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oooh i wanna see more of the brotherhood, maybe the brotherhood with drako?
my FAVOURITE dynamics okay let's talk about the introductions bc off the bat they're all so fucking funny. not a single brotherhood member is normal about drako at all and this is also when the reader meets almost all of the brotherhood so it's even funnier that it's so chaotic. keep in mind their whole thing is recruiting wisers so bringing strangers into the camp really really really shouldn't be a big deal but are they chill? not even a little bit.
loki has an invisibility ability and literally just pops up behind nate and drako sooooo obnoxiously just as they're entering the camp and throws an arm around BOTH of them and drako almost punches him.
darra takes one look at drako and is like 'this will be interesting' but WILL NOT ELABORATE even when nate is like ???? (bc they all know when darra just Says Shit it's always bigger than it seems).
naithan off the bat goes protective dad mode mostly bc he's not seen nate in ages and heard he got ARRESTED and now he's rucking up with very-obviously-a-southerner drako, who btw still sees nate as this very intimidating mysterious figure so being hit with the most muscled man he's ever seen stomping over to nate, noogie-ing his hair and being all 'where have you been? why didn't you write? we were worried about you. have you been eating?' is just MINDBLOWING lmao. and then naithan looks at drako and effectively is like 'who the fuck is this? has he been treating you well?' SDKHGKJSGH and drako - despite weeks of nate exposure - is still very unused to 1) people being rude to him, and 2) people not knowing who he is, so this poor lad is like hi???? hello???
then there's gi who is fucking horrible to him off the bat she literally doesnt acknowledge him and when she does she just looks at his sword like 'can you even use that' and he gets soooo offended.
AND THEN FAUCIS COMES IN and idk if you guys remember but on one of my first posts (the side-character masterlist) i mentioned that faucis is super anxious and one way this manifests is that he has an anxious tic that sees him... chirping? or squeaking? it's more of a chirp but yeah anyway he runs up bc he's super excited to see nate AND THEN HE SEES WHO HE KNOWS FOR A FACT IS THE PRINCE OF BURNOS and he just stops in his tracks and makes the most distressed squeaking noise ever known to man that silences everyone who at this point is just swarming drako and is like uhhhhh nate we need to talk NOW
another scene i love is that they have a banquet to welcome nate home and drako just gets to truly see wisers in a safe, relaxed, loving community environment, something that he knows so few get to experience let alone witness, and he knows he's the first harasaeon in decades to see something like this and he just feels so honoured and guilty all at once and realises very quickly that wisers are not the monsters lugalia wanted him to think they are, because lilla keeps insisting he eat more food (bc the act of sharing meals/cooking etc is very big with wisers as community is so huge for them so this is the best way she knows how to welcome him and make him feel comfortable) and gi to his absolute shock is a total lightweight with her alcohol and is basically passed out on lilla's shoulder and naithan and darra are playing knuckles at the end of the table despite being grown men because some things are timeless amongst brothers and firinne is arguing with faucis about who is more well travelled ('i work in the palace, firinne. the royal palace of kusig' 'i know what the palace is, idiot, i'm from a high house. i was born into wealth the rest of you would keel over at the sight of' 'mhm doesn't make you interesting though. unlike me' 'die') and nareen is drunk and has let loki convince her to stand on the table and dance with him and he's twirling her around and tipping his head back in laughter and nate is there through it all, watching with the smallest, realest smile drako has seen on him, and it's just such a beautiful moment that he wishes he could live in forever
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ririsasy · 3 years
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The last 30 minutes of Shang chi and the legend of the ten rings was everything.
It start with Wenwu praying at the shrine of his wife, eyes closed, hand clasped, the chaos outside where people fighting and yet he stop and pause to pray to/for her, how high he put her in his heart, then we can sympathize with his motive and understand why he can't listen to reason because he was blinded by his own desire to reunite with her again.
Every fight Wenwu and Shang Chi have just simply mindblowing. It wasn't merely an action sequence but the way they express their grief and frustration through each punch and kick.
Wenwu : "you were there when they came for her, and you did nothing you stood at the window and watch her die!"
Shang chi " She was gone and we needed you, but you choose that damn rings over us. You trained your son to be a killer, is this what you want it?! Even if you could bring her back. What makes you think she wants to do anything with you?"
Both wenwu and shang chi were trying to hurt each other even more with words then they did with punches, because they know where it hurt most, to hear the truth about their own guilt.
Wenwu never told Shang chi when he was young that he blamed Shang chi for his wife death, that there's always be a part of him that whispered what if young Shang chi was strong enough to help his mother, to stop them from killing his wife and wenwu had carried that resentment in his heart for so long.
Then the fight sequence when Shang chi used his mother movement to fight Wenwu, it was so poignant the way that wenwu could see his wife spirit in shang chi as they stare into each other eyes in that slow motion dance, at that moment I am sure wenwu realized, he never actually lost his wife, she was always there with him, in his son, in his daughter.
Tony leung was such a master for making it so easy for people to see what was in his mind through his eyes and expression. The way he expressed anguish and sorrow. Marvel couldn't get a better actor to play Wenwu even if they tried.
Then that last dialogue between wenwu and shang chi was truly heartbreaking.
Wenwu : "I need to save her! She's calling for me."
Shang chi : "I wish that was true."
Wenwu : *shaking his head stubbornly because he didn't want to believe in reality."
Shang chi : "Dad please, your family needs you."
Wenwu came into realization how far he had strayed, abandoned the only things that truly matter in his life, his children. So, when the monster took his soul away, Wenwu could remember each phase in Shang chi's life so clearly from a young man, a teenager, a kid, and a baby in his arms, and realized that his boy has become strong enough to carry the ten rings and let go of that power and be at peace of his own fate.
It's a masterpiece of storytelling, well acted performance by Simu Liu and Tony leung and other strong supporting casts, badass background music, incredible scores, jaw dropping cinematography, and amazingly insane fight sequence throughout the whole movie.....gosh it made you feel so many things. Go watch it everyone if you haven't already.
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spectraling · 2 years
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The way S3 could’ve had an actually heartwrenching, mindblowing conclusion by having Jonathan be possessed instead of Billy, an actual good guy that we care about and who’s awful childhood trauma is related to other characters we care about. The tragedy of his deep love but also completely justified resentment for his mother being used by the Mind Flayer to twist and manipulate him into doing horrible things rooted in careful, masterful depictions of the complexity of this relationship solidified from the very first episode of the show. Every character naturally being invested in somehow saving him and his sacrifice would be truly felt - the greatest fear, the truest horror that Joyce could ever imagine would finally come to pass and it would be a blow so massive that it would send shockwaves through the characters. It would set up Joyce’s ultimate guilt, her madness, her strength and her utter desperation in taking down whatever thing that lives in the Upside Down, whatever government official that ever made any of this possible. The stakes would actually be sky-high and the characters would be at their lowest of lows, the heart of the show shattered, perfect for setting up the final act of the last few seasons.
But then I remember the gung-ho, pro-capitalist, sexist, vapid shell of what the show used to be that we got so thank god they didn’t do that.
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xtruss · 2 years
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The Secret To Great Sex? It’s Not What You Think ………
There’s more to good sex than complicated positions or wild lust. The authors of a groundbreaking study explain what really makes it great
— By Alexandra Jones | Friday November 26, 2021
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Far from what films and TV shows might tell us, truly magnificent sex has very little to do with daring feats of seduction or screaming orgasms. In fact, according to the latest research, erotic intimacy is more a state of mind than a physical act.
In a recent study, Magnificent Sex, psychologist and sex therapist Dr Peggy J Kleinplatz and her colleagues at Ottawa University in Canada realised that, while whole library sections were dedicated to bad sex (and how to make it better), there was almost no literature dedicated to great sex. What did it feel like? Who was having it? And what made it so great?
To answer some of these questions, the researchers recruited people from around the world across the age, gender and sexuality spectrum – who self-reported having had, at some point in their lives, truly mindblowing sex.
Through a series of interviews, researchers began to build up a picture of what “the best sex ever” looks, feels and sounds like. “One of the first surprising findings,” write the study authors, “was the … uncanny similarity in descriptions. [This] helped us to become reasonably certain that everyone was talking about the same experience.” Despite the different ways each participant actually had sex, at the very peaks of the experience, everyone was feeling the same kinds of things: total absorption in the moment, deep connection with their partner, and openness and a willingness to take a few emotional risks.
“For the magnificent lovers [in the study],” says sex educator Emily Nagoski, the author of Come As You Are: the Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, “sex became a way to know themselves and their partners more fully. It was a way to play and explore together – to become vulnerable with one another. To go on an adventure.” And for many, she points out, it led “to feeling more at peace with who they are and more satisfied in their lives generally. It’s really powerful stuff.”
Taking this groundbreaking study as a starting point, we ask its authors and other experts how everyone can have better sex.
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Be Completely Present
As anyone who’s tried to meditate might know, being completely undistracted by the endless pinging, buzzing, chattering ephemera of modern life is easier said than done (in fact, according to a study from researchers at the University of Virginia, one in 10 people admitted to checking their phone during sex).
But there are ways that we can get better at being present. “What’s helped me to feel more present and embodied within my sexual experiences,” says sex educator Ruby Rare, “is training myself to feel more present and embodied throughout the day.
So, taking a moment to note the texture of the ground that I’m walking on, the feel of the air on my skin, or the particular hue of the sky. Really trying to tap into the sensations in my body – sight, sound, smell, taste. If you take time to train that aptitude, it’s much easier to then bring it into the sexual environment with you.”
Broaden Your Definition of Sex
As Rare says: “If we can let go of our traditional notions of what does and doesn’t ‘count’ as sex we might discover something altogether more fulfilling. I like to grab parts of a partner’s body, to really worship the texture and feel of a leg or a stomach. That’s an erotic experience that sits outside traditional ‘scripts’ but it’s one I find deeply satisfying. If you let go of the idea that you’re ‘meant to’ kiss, then do foreplay, then have sex and an orgasm, you’re suddenly open to playing and exploring; to being more present with someone’s body and really seeing how you can interact with it in a way that might excite you even more.”
“The problem is, pop culture’s script for how good sex should go and what it should look like is incredibly narrow”
Nagoski agrees. “The problem is, pop culture’s script for how good sex should go and what it should look like is incredibly narrow,” she says. “We are told that it is the product of spontaneous, out-of-the-blue horniness. There are lots of positions, perhaps some foreplay, definitely penetration, then orgasms – the end.” In actuality, “none of that is true”, she says. Sex could be anything: “Just kissing; having a long, erotically charged conversation; touching; bathing with a partner. As long as you’ve got consent, and no unwanted pain, you can roll around like puppies.”
In her study, Kleinplatz has often seen this in action with her patients. As she explains: “The people having the greatest sexual fulfilment were people who had, for one reason or another, discarded the entire package of paint-by-numbers ideas about sexuality. Because these people had then gone on to create something that fit better for them.”
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Engage With Your Deepest Desires
Of course, just because anything can be sex, it doesn’t mean that everything will turn us on. Psychotherapist Ian Kerner, author of So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives, believes the key to the best sex of our lives is to spend time engaging with our deepest erotic fantasies.
He argues that each of us has one or more “core erotic themes” – sexual scenarios that “contain a lot of heat for us”. But, he says: “If you ask most people what their ultimate erotic fantasy or biggest turn-on is, they probably would struggle to tell you.” Becoming really aware of what these are will inevitably help us to have more satisfying sex, he says. “These are things that get us feeling the most turned on, the most fired up. The thing that, when you let your mind wander to it, will get you thinking, ‘Yeah, this is hot, I want more of this.’ – But a lot of people simply don’t know what their core erotic themes are.”
To discover yours, Kerner suggests “a tasting menu” approach – taking some time on your own to sample sexual content from different creators, whether that’s magazines, erotic fiction, films such as director Erika Lust’s X, or podcasts such as Dipsea or Dirty Diana, the erotica fiction series produced by (and starring) Demi Moore. “We’re living through a golden age of sexual content,” says Kerner, “use it to your benefit.”
Once you’ve read, watched or listened widely on your own, Kerner says, “think about which erotic themes are really drawing you in. Or which come up over and over again.” It’s likely that we’re drawn to certain power dynamics, so even if the content is all very different, it may still be possible to pick out one constant theme running through. From there, we can begin to communicate these to others and build sexual experiences which tap into these themes.
… But Develop Self-Compassion
Admittedly, most of us have fantasies which we would struggle to articulate for fear of being rejected. And yet, wondrous new depths of sexual fulfilment, self-awareness and connection may await if we do. Nagoski argues that the first step to opening up is to develop self-compassion. “You turn toward the parts of yourself that you are worried about, with kindness, accepting that while they may seem scary they are also true.” Inviting someone we trust into that truth, she says, can be an incredibly liberating experience.
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Now, Be Honest …
Being radically honest about what lights you up in the bedroom can be uncomfortable, particularly if your desires sit outside “the norm”. But, Nagoski says: “If you never say it, you may never get to experience the satisfaction of doing it.”
Rare recommends approaching such conversations with “a technique I’ve borrowed from the sex educator Allison Moon: first tell the person you want to talk to them about something, then explain it’s something you feel embarrassed or nervous about, and why. Perhaps others have reacted badly in the past and you’re worried this person will reject you, too. Then you can launch into what you have to say having already let them know what emotions are attached to the conversation for you.”
Play Mind Games
As well as helping us create a clearer idea about what engages us on an erotic level, discovering our desires also helps us employ our intellect and imaginations. “I think that there’s a real dearth of mind-based arousal nowadays,” says Kerner. “We depend on the newness of a relationship or encounter to provide that kind of psychological stimuli.”
“Putting sex in the diary may well be the key to creating space for ‘hot’ and ‘spontaneous’ to happen”
Instead of just relying on certain physical acts to get us in the mood, sex can begin as a fantasy played out in the mind, over a whole day. “We often lose our ability to ‘make-believe’ as adults,” says Kerner. “So it’s about redeveloping that.” This could mean fantasising about yourself as the main character in a scenario, or just daydreaming at work about the kind of sex you plan to have that night. “It’s called psychogenic arousal – the arousal which is triggered by sexual thoughts rather than physical stimulation.”
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Communicate From The Start
“If you can develop open communication around sex from the beginning of a relationship, it’s incredibly helpful,” says Kerner. This means offering and being open to feedback, and being compassionate with a partner if they become embarrassed or defensive. For example, you might say: “I’d find it really hot if we did this or you touched me like this.
“If you can visualise the sex you want to have,” he says, “you’re really halfway there. It will help you be clear with someone else about what you want.”
Schedule Fun
It might seem like an oxymoron – it is surely at its best when it’s spontaneous – but putting sex in the diary may well be the key to creating space for the hot and spontaneous to happen.
“Sex requires intentionality,” says Kleinplatz. “It requires saying, ‘I’m willing to make being with you a priority in my life.’ If you’re doing it right, it will take effort – it shouldn’t feel like work, but certainly will take time and energy.”
— The Guardian USA
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fkinavocado · 2 years
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okay i dont think the first one sent, so bear with me 😅
i think y/n might use her and harry's relationship to set some boundries with her family. this, from her father's perspective, is a true act of defiance and i feel like y/n is sick of their shit and just wants to move on. with the confidence of having harry's support i hope she might prove her autonomy from her family.
i'd so wish for y/n to communicate her family situation with harry but i cant see her doing it willingly. even so would she play the victim? blame herself? or even refuse to acknowledge it? youve written two beautifully complex characters (yes i am simping, sue me i think you are amazing) and its so hard to guess where and what they'll choose next, but that is half the fun of reading ;)
never stop writing, even if it is just for yourself. you are a true credit to you craft. dont even get me started on the fact english isnt your first language, it blows my mind.
anyways rant over, have a lovely evening my dear xxx
I DID GET IT I WAS ANSWERING IT BUT I WANTED TO TAKE THE TIME TO GIVE YOU A MORE IN DEPTH ANSWER BECAUSE 🥺🥺🥺♥️♥️♥️♥️
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whoah. first of all. wow, that bit at the end there hit me right in the feels!! thank you SO much, anon. truly. means more than i can say. the fact that you think so, that anyone thinks so??? mindblowing. THE FACT THAT YOU WROTE THIS TWICE ????? I'M GONE 💀♥️
honestly i can't get a grip and properly address what you've mentioned omgosh. whew. ok deep breath
nope i still can't. i just can't. all that in depth analysis. i can't!!!! 😭😭♥️♥️♥️
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takaraphoenix · 3 years
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spuffy for the ask game since you have a spuffy story coming up on your schedule?
Yes, yes I do! And sure can do! ^-^
I love Spuffy. It has been one of my absolute favorite ships from all fandoms for many years, but ever since I also read the comic continuation, I gotta say, Spuffy is the favorite ship. The most beloved of all ships I've ever sailed.
They are the embodiment of hero/villain enemies turned lovers.
And they have my favorite m/f dynamic; he's full of snark and bastard energy, but oh is he soft for her.
And they also have that thing that makes me love ships the most; it's a ship between my two favorite characters from that franchise. If a ship unites my two faves, it just instantly gains more of my love, because it means I get them both, at the same time, happy, with each other.
I love the way their dynamic slowly changes over the seasons.
I have a soft spot for early bastard secondary villain Spike, he is hilarious and Buffy's annoyance with him is delightful.
And then he has his literal oh moment of realizing he's into Buffy and he doesn't know how to handle it and he handles it in the whackiest, weirdest way possible. I mean, role playing with Harm? Having Warren build a sex bot? The incredibly awkard stalking?
But things get more serious and less of a comic relief "look at that poor bastard" when Spike becomes one of the people Buffy trusts. One of the people she trusts the most, I'd say, considering she leaves her mother and her sister with him, repeatedly.
Season 5 is such a good Spuffy season in that Spike becomes a Scooby by sheer force of will. Somewhere in my mind still lives an alternate spin where the Scoobies do escape Glory in their RV and just... have a merry roadtrip with each other.
And sure, it's easy to dismiss Spike - easy for Buffy and the other characters. Because he's a vampire, and not a fancy one with a soul like Angel. He might lust for Buffy, but it can't be love, right.
But, and that's what makes me love this ship so much, it is love, even without a soul. (It's also what makes me love Spike so much, because he is such a complex character with so much growth who was already so much more than just a vampire even without his soul.)
Him bringing flowers after Joyce died, not to somehow score points with Buffy, but because he genuinely liked Joyce and they had genuinely bonded with each other. Because he mourns, even without a soul.
And, the biggest evidence as to him genuinely loving her - he stays, when Buffy dies.
If it were all misplaces lust that he blows out of proportion, he wouldn't have stayed. Buffy was dead and since Willow, Tara and Xander didn't tell him about wanting to resurrect her, he had no reason to stay, no reason to believe she would ever be back.
But he stayed in Sunnydale. And not just to mourn and get drunked and fucked up, the way he did when Dru dumped him.
He was a Scooby. For months, he worked with them to protect Sunnydale, to fight demons, to help raise Dawn. He took on so much responsibility and for the first time truly became a hero, a good guy. He fought for the good cause, not to impress Buffy and score points with her, not out of any misplaced reasons. Solely because she was gone and he wanted to honor her legacy, he wanted to do what she would do if she were still there, he wanted to protect those she had died to protect.
I have a very complicated relationship to season 6's Spuffy. It's very self-destructive, on both parts. She's only using him, he becomes her bad coping mechanism with being brought back to life. And he knows that, but he can't stay away. Personally, I think all of Seeing Red was a huge mistake and especially after the build-up of what they had Spike do for Buffy so far without a soul, it... it felt like a whole different writer with entirely different ideas just grabbed the script and hijacked it at that point, to be quite frank. I do think that at that point in how Spike's character was established, it was OoC. Even if you try to argue that their relationship had already been a mess of mixed signals, with "I hate you, you disgust me" being followed by mindblowing sex, I still think that this was pushing things too far.
But it brought us Spike going to get his soul, so I digress.
And then comes season 7 and season 7 is just peak Spuffy. Season 7 is my happy place. Gods. The way Buffy cares for him, the way she protects him, from the others, from the First, from himself. The way she stands up for him. How she keeps choosing him.
The way they banter and raise "the children" together once he feels better.
And when everyone in an act of being incredibly, impossibly, forcibly OoC just turns their back on Buffy and also stabs hers, repeatedly, he is still there. He tells them off the way I was yelling at my screen too and then he found her and comforted her and simply held her.
And then he died. Not for her, but because he actually was a hero. And it wrecked me. (The best thing AtS ever did was bring Spike back to live, imo.)
Let's skip season 8 to the end, where he comes in as the knight in shining armor, having done his research on how to stop the apocalypse unfolding once again and how, even though she had just hooked up with Angel, she immediately starts fantasizing about Spike as soon as he's in the room? I swear, season 8 is a freaking mess.
But season 9... really hurts. That she'd come to him, of all the people she knows and loves, she comes to him when she doesn't know how to keep going, when she considers running away and raising a child, being a family. He is the person she thinks about. And he is the person she comes to for back-up when she decides to have an abortion. Whether she goes to a happy place or a dark place, in both scenarios she chose him over everyone else, to have him at her side.
And season 10 finally gives us the canon romantic relationship between them. Finally, they actually get together and it is so good. The way they communicate with each other, the way she reassures him that she chose him and no one's going to come between them, tells him that he is a good man and also finds for herself that she is not just happy in this relationship, she also finds that she loves herself more, she likes the person she is when she is with him (she literally says that).
Buffy has a freaking mind-journey, traveling into Spike's mind and seeing and feeling just how much he loves her, how regardless of what else is going on, he loves her.
They are... They are everything I always dreamed they could be in a real relationship - they have their problems, but they talk them through, they reassure and support each other, they're domestic and cute, they make each other better, not by changing the other but by supporting the other and giving each other the chance to be their best self.
When they actually are in a real relationship, neither of them is jealous. And both have shown in the past to be prone to jealousy. But when Buffy tells Spike that Angel is her past and that he is her present, he accepts that and he doesn't feel the need to be a jackass around Angel. And when Spike tells Buffy about his could-have-been Dylan, Buffy doesn't get jealous over her, no, she decides they should go to Dylan's art-show and she gets along splendidly with her.
Season 11 is an overall rough ride, I mean, they are literally locked inside an internment camp for nearly the whole season. But the Spuffy keeps you going, because they are so strong together, they make this work, together.
The season ends with them kissing, with Buffy saying "I love you" for the very first time and all Scoobies being together and it's... the picture-perfect ending to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I could have ever imagined.
(There is no season 12 in my mind. That was Fray-centric garbage that did a disservice to Buffy as a character.)
Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it
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Hi JWB
Sending you healing vibes..Get better soon..heard the podcast IPK 10 years part 2 and loved it..ur blog has made me appreciate so many things about IPK...i have been rewatching since the beginning..but only the cute ..romcom bits betweeen Arnav and Khushi..but this is the first rewatch after being introduced to your blog and OMG..I have watched all the scenes and Im blown away..the serial is good..and my God ur analysis are mindblowing..i also follow @phati-sari ..and u two are Awesome...I have started attempting my own analysis..just for an audience of one..it makes my viewing experience better but I wanted to thank you both for enriching my life...
Also I noticed how good an actor Barun Sobti is..the scenes after he witnesses Sham and Khushi are awesome..rught from smiling at the terrace upto the forced marriage..the angst is awesome...i kind got converted..from someone whondidnt like the whole arc to someone qhoxould believe and even justify it...thanks for opening me making mu experience better and helping me open my eyes to such nuances..
Much love and wishes
Omg thank you so so so much for this love <3 <3 <3 <3
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oAnd yes, thank you for the healing vibes! Physically, the aspects of the show - that's literally what we want. Yes, Sanaya-Barun as Khushi-Arnav is the USPo
I am so glad that the podcast has introduced you to all the aspects of the show - that's literally what we want. Yes, Sanaya-Barun as Khushi-Arnav is the USP of the show but this show literally won't be what it is without the directing, producing, the rest of the cast, editing, background scoring and - MOST IMPORTANTLY - writing.
Eeee, thanks for the love for the analysis *big hugglez*
@phati-sari's blog is just awesome. Her dedication is truly unparalleled. Also, some of my fav posts from her blog is the rule of threes and circle (it's one of my favorite gifsets!). You should check it out if you already haven't!
Barun... I simply love him and his acting. I was always a fan of Sanaya and I think she has a stunning range - probably way more versatile than prominent Hindi Cinema actors tbh. Barun was a discovery for me and he's one of my favorite actors to see cause he's brilliant. Stunning.
I feel IPK also worked because it had two of the strongest actors as its leads. The chemistry was explosive and the directors & cinematographers knew their best angles, lighting and expression.
Haha I'm glad you could see the MU under a new light! I mean, all I say is literally my opinion. I loved the setup for the MU, it was so well done and I think what's nice is that the show doesn't try to justify what Arnav did. I think it's important to know the difference between explanation and justification.
I think it's great to understand and explain what characters do. Justification can go a bit grey because at times we might tend to clarify that the characters were right in doing what they did. And I always try to highlight that I understand what Arnav did and why, but also state that despite the understanding there are some lines that he crossed which he shouldn't have.
That helps me from coloring the character through my eyes and analyzing perspectives from as unbiased viewpoint as I can.
#lectureover
So keep analyzing and I hope you love this show more than ever! There's so much to unpack in IPKKND!!!
Love,
- JWB
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perish-the-creator · 3 years
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Godzilla and gojirin, fluff, 17
Put it in the bag nice and slowly chump
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TW: Mpreg. Teen Parents. Gijinka. Blah blah blah.
“I’m here for you.”
Goji held the phone close to his ear as he resisted the urge to start crying again. When Gojirin had said she would be moving away, the young couple had decided to lose their virginity to each other and keep in contact by any means necessary.
So when Goji found out he was pregnant, he made sure to call the girl who helped make it happen.
“I’m sorry,” Goji said. “I-”
“Don’t apologize,” Gojirin said. “It’s alright. Like I said I’ll be here. It’s just-”
“We’ll have to tell our parents.”
Both young teens held their phones in silence. The mere fact that they would have to confess to their parents that they had committed such an act was hard to stomach (literally). Not to mention the fact that Gojira was only just starting to loosen up and trust Goji more only for him to go and pull this stunt.
“I….I don’t know if I can,” Goji whimpers. He slides against the wall and curls in on himself. He can’t imagine looking his father in the eyes and telling him such massive news. They were barely making ends meet with the two of them, but now they’d have to worry about another mouth. Or even worse, his father would make him give the child up for adoption. “Gojirin I can’t-”
“I’ll tell my parents first,” She sighs as she looks at the picture of Goji and her from the photo booth at the arcade. The same arcade they snuck behind that day to do what led to this moment. She loved Goji and she knew he loved her. She had convinced her parents to let them stay in contact because they had faith that it wouldn’t lead to anything more than just a simple childhood romance. And look at them now. “And then they’ll probably call your dad and we’ll...figure something out.”
There’s a pause.
“I love you,” Goji finally says. “Again, I’m sorry-”
“Goji, this is a two-person act. We both had a part to play. 50/50,” She laughs lightly. “Maybe our parents should’ve let us take those sex-ed lessons after all.”
They both laugh.
_____________________________________________________________
“Can you feel him moving?” Goji asked as Gojirin placed her hand on his stomach. They were sitting on the floor in Gojirin’s mother’s living room. She was in the kitchen making some soup for Goji to eat while he stayed for the night.
Of course, when the two teens had to tell their parents there was the expected reaction. Gojira passed out after Goji told him. He even thought it was a cruel prank before Goji went fishing for the positive test in the trashcan.
After many long weeks of talking, groundings, and otherwise, it was decided that Gojirin and her mother would move back to Japan so that Gojirin would be involved with the growth of her child. Not that either teen truly complained. They were more than happy to get to spend time together.
Granted, it was expected that in the next three or so years the two would be wed, but again it wasn’t an issue. Thankfully their child was conceived out of true love.
“A little,” She says as she draws circles on his stomach. “Kinda crazy, you know?”
“What is?” Goji asks.
“You know,” Gojirin chuckled. “How me and you made another human being. Like man, we made a life together and it’s just mindblowing.”
Goji laughs with her before grabbing her hand and looking at it.
“Do you think he’ll come out brown like you?” He shyly says. “I...would like it if he does, you know? You have a very pretty complexion and I’d hope he gets to reflect that.”
“It doesn’t matter to me either way,” Gojirin says just as her mother starts to set up the small table for them. “As long as he’s a healthy baby that’s what matters most to me.”
“I see,” He nods. “Though I’m a bit scared. I can’t decide whether or not to give birth the normal way or to get cut open. And frankly, both options scare me.”
“Well, I’ll be there either way,” She lightly kisses his cheek. “From your first labor pain to the moment our son is out, I’ll be right by your side.”
“And so will we,” Gojirin’s mother pipes in. “Ugh, I still can’t believe you made me a grandma already, child.”
“Hehe, sorry mama,” The young teen chuckles before helping arrange the table. Goji attempts to stand up but Gojirin’s mother was quick to give him a look. He shrank down and waited for them to finish. The night was filled with laughter. Gojirin’s mother giving the young man advice as to how to handle certain sicknesses and pains.
She prays over the three as well. She hopes that misfortune does not fall upon them. Goji genuinely made Gojirin happy. She remembered the days her daughter would come home brighter after only an hour of walking with him. They complimented each other in a way that reminded her of the love between her husband and her.
Though fear did linger. She learned that Goji’s mother died in childbirth, and Gojira had made a passing remark that his family had a history of producing large babies. She hopes that the young man will be able to grow with his son and her daughter.
_____________________________________________________________
“Oh my,” Biollante says as she looks down at the infant.
The newborn showed off his parents’ genes perfectly. With time the family was certain he would develop that nose Goji has. Lots of curly brown hair on top of his head that laid on beautiful brown skin. To be honest, he wasn’t the prettiest looking baby, but honestly what baby comes out completely perfect?
“Goji please sit down,” Gojira urged as his son gently placed down the baby carrier. Obviously, after several hours of intense labor, the young boy’s body was still recovering even five days later. Gojira was thankful his boy was strong and survived the ordeal.
Gojirin came to him and guided him towards the mat on the floor for him to lay down. They kissed briefly before he eased himself down. Gojira began to attend to his grandson.
Minilla. That’s the name they decided to give him.
“How you feel Uncle?” Biollante asked as Gojira picked up the infant and cradled him. “You know, you’re already a grandpa.”
“Ah it’s weird,” He admits. “But it’ll grow on me.”
Gojirin lays beside her boyfriend, whispering sweet nothings to him as she grabs his hands and caresses them. It was very clear the two were still deeply in love.
But on cue, the newborn awoke with a fury. An ear-piercing screech rang in the air. He was hungry, again, and all Goji could do was groan.
“We don’t have formula yet, huh?” Gojirin asked as she helped Goji sit up. The family shook their head just as Gojira gently handed his grandson off to his son. The young man yawned as he unbuttoned his shirt. Instantly, once latched on the newborn ceased his uproar and suckled peacefully.
“I just want to sleep,” Goji starts sniffling.
“Haha, should’ve thought about that before you two got busy,” Biollante teased just as her uncle hit her upside the head. But as Gojirin rubbed his back, Goji knows that he doesn’t regret a thing. And neither does she. She promised to always be there for him.
And she always will.
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izzystinyhands · 3 years
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Truly mindblowing how my friend will act like i had a choice when i tell her i have no savings lol
In 2016 i was saving up for a car and by the end of the year i was saving up for a meal like certain circumstances will Decimate your finances and getting them back is Not Easy
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beneaththesoftcloud · 2 years
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I haven’t been on here much recently but I have a story I wanna share because maybe it would be helpful to someone? I don’t really know how to summarize; it’s mainly just my thoughts on an interaction I had and mental health.
I recently went with my mom to visit my grandma out of town and everything was going really well until there was a sudden conflict between me and my mom that sent me for 0 to 60 in less than a second and I snapped. Both of them converged on me and I was so upset and I knew that they were going to be mad at me and scold me and that they wouldn’t stop to listen to anything I had to say because that’s just what I’m used to. I’ve lived with my mom and her boyfriend since the end of 2019 for financial reasons and he doesn’t want me there so pretty much everything I do annoys him and causes conflict in the household. I have several sources of stress but that’s been hard to deal with because I can’t really do anything right in that situation. There’s no way to win (by “win,” I mean “find harmony”) if the only acceptable solution for the other party is “get out of my life asap.” But with the job market being what it is, covid, and the crazy housing prices in my city rising even higher, I live there because I have no other option. I know a lot of people are in the same boat as I am and I cope with my issues the best that I can but obviously the stress is always there and it fuels a lot of anxiety. Sometimes it comes to a head like it did when I was visiting my grandma, especially because my mom has this habit of poking people’s sore spots and then brushing off their reactions and it dirves me crazy.
But instead of coming at me from a disciplinary point of view like I was expecting (despite my age, despite the fact that I was able to live independently for several years before the shit hit the fan, this is the angle my family comes at me with because they see me as a child if I live under their roof), my grandma took an uncharacteristic step back. “This isn’t you, you aren’t an angry person like this, your bucket must be really full for you to be acting this way,” she said and she wrapped her arms around me and it made me realize how very long I’d gone without a hug or similar affection. Moreso, for her to stop and consider the reason why I might be acting so upset after such a short exchange rather than writing me off as a bad kid or trying to punish the reaction was mindblowing to me. 
If I get upset, I usually handle it by mentally making a tally of all the tough shit I’m facing right now and I realize, oh, of course I’m stressed, there’s so much on my plate. I take the time to articulate it to myself, even if it’s something small: “No, it’s not the end of the world that mom’s boyfriend tracked grease all over the floor you just mopped. Yes, it feels disrespectful (and sexist) that he always makes messes that you are somehow expected to clean up. These particular footprints will only take a minute or two to clean up, but it makes me feel like he doesn’t value my time or effort. It feels frustrating to feel this lack of respect now when I’m the same person they used to look up to when I taught at a university. I don’t think my job or the dollar amount I bring home should determine the respect I recieve from my family but it seems to impact them a lot; than angers and stresses me.” I can handle emotions and keep them from negativiely impacting others without having to repress things or use the bad coping mechanisms from my childhood by thinking things out this way. But you can’t just think your way out of every problem. If you have a conflict with another person, you have to communicate with them or else there’s no way to fix it. This brings me back around to the main issue: he doesn’t want harmony, he wants to force me out. My mom feels he has more right to be in the house than I do, so she is also a communiticave dead end in this arena more often than not. Her response is to get upset at me for “not getting along.”
Hence, my proverbial bucket is full. It only takes a few drops and then I’m overflowing with all of the pain, indignance, rage, helplessness, etc. and the knowledge that I’m better than this situation I’m stuck in. I see the progress I’ve made toward my goals and I hold onto that to keep me sane. I think, yes, this is a terrible situation and I can’t manicure my emotions and behavior to perfection because that’s impossible, but I want to be the person I want me to be and I’ll try and handle each given situation as that person I want to be. I’m not used to recieving any sympathy for my situation. When my grandma started dishing sympathy out despite my flawed behavior, I didn’t really know what to do. I sort of deflated and tears were falling before I really registered what was going on.
“Here,” she said and she stood right by my side and took my hand, “When you stand like this and you hold someone’s hand, it feels like you’re facing the problem together. If you stand like this,” she moved in front of me and crossed her arms, “this is confrontational. Even sitting across from one another it’s too easy to pit each other against yourselves. But when you’re side by side,” she moved again to my side and took my hand, “you can work things out like this.” She started interviewing me more or less and she didn’t critique anything I felt. She validated my personal struggle, the struggle of my generation, the effort I expend, the disposition I maintain. She didn’t crtique my mom to do any of this and my mom didn’t really jump in for good or bad, she just sort of sat and watched it unfold. There wasn’t really any news; she knew what my problems were and knew it gave me a lot of stress. But she didn’t leave the room, sje sat and listened. And since that trip, she’s tried to initiate a positive interaction with me almost every day over the past week.
And I guess a few things have been hanging around with me. My brother once said to me that you have different people in your life for different reasons when my mom asked him if it was an issue for him that his (kind, sweet) girlfriend has no sense of humor. He said he has me for that, he has friends for that, too, she doesn’t have to be everything for him to love her. Between that interaction and last weekend and just various other things, I just feel that I’ve been given this push along the last few years to allow more people into my life so that I can have different people for different reasons. I’ve always been so isolated and felt I have to do everything on my own. I do think it’s important to have a sense of responsibility for myself, but I think a lot of people feel very pressured to put on thier best face for everyone and only confide in maybe one or two people. If they share things with anyone else, it’s under the pretense of superficial conversation or the guise of a trendy topic. I know I personally tend to avoid sharing vulnerability too openly, too much openess makes it impossible to function day to day. But I also have been very closed off to the point that it doesn’t occur to me to confide even to relatively close family members. 
I think there’s so much talk about how self-reliance is the only important thing for happiness in our society that we don’t even realize how prevelant the message is (you don’t need a significant other to be happy, you just need self love! It doesn’t matter if you come from an abusive family, all you need to do to recover is believe in your own strength). And I think there’s comfort in that message when it’s directly opposed from a “family is everything/ blood is most important/ you’re nothing without your roots” type of a message because so many people do have such difficult family situations and it’s important to know your worth outside of that context. But I think, at least for me, I do need affection from people to feel better. Just little bits in different ways from different people, but it can’t all come from myself and have the same healing effect. The same goes for validation, attention, understanding, play, exchange of ideas, etc. And it’s important to have more than one person because otherwise it becomes easy to fall into the trap of expecting too much from one person or causing someone to feel pressured to always ease your mind, and that’s no good. 
I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this but I guess I just feel better. My situation hasn’t changed, it still needs to change before I can really get to a truly healthy and relaxed state, but I feel massively better and I feel like I know how to continue on that path. Forming new relationships is so different in your late twenties than in your late teens and it feels like a weird landscape to navigate, but it’s like a wall that was seperating me from it all has come down. And I feel free instead of naked without that wall.
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rainbowglittr · 3 years
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Love and Marriage - Chapter 8 (Mature - Minors DNI)
Description:
After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?
Chapter 8:
"I cannot believe you!" Jesse's voiced raged.
I jumped up I had been taking a nap on the couch, waiting for Jesse and Diana to come home. Ever since the Trevor J concert they had been going to the studio in NYC together, Diana was "interning" and learning things about the music industry.
It had been two weeks since we saw the doctor. Despite the setback, Jesse and I were still determined to have a baby. Maybe even more so after that. We went to see of genetics had anything to do with the miscarriage but everything and every test they did looked good. So we had hope. I tried not to stress over it and hyper focus on getting pregnant and Jesse was really good at helping me. While disappointed, we weren't giving up yet.
I had already made dinner, I was just waiting for them both to come home. They stayed late today because Jesse was working with SZA and they had a short timeline to get a couple demos done before she flew back to LA. I checked my phone it was 11pm.
"Hey-" I started to say, getting interrupted by Diana. She walked right past me to the stairs.
"I'm sixteen, what do you expect!" She yelled as she stood at the bottom of the stairs.
"I expect you not to be doing THAT! You were supposed to be professional! Professionals don't make out in the studio!" Jesse walked over to where she stood.
"So what? You're not my mom, you're not my dad! Who even cares? The only reason why I even wanted to go to that stupid studio was so I could see Hakeem!"
"So, is that what you've been doing this whole time?"
"Yup. We hung out every single day." She said gloating.
"Oh, I'm so fucking glad, cause that's the last time you'll be seeing him! You're not coming back and I'm telling mom what you've been up to!" He yelled. My heart started pounding along with my head as I watched them scream at each other. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there, frozen, watching the mess unfold.
"Well if you tell mom, than I'll tell mom about the time I walked in on you!"
"Little girl, this is MY house, I can fuck wherever I want. I don't care if you tell, I'm a grown ass man. It's done up for you."
"I hate you, you're the worst brother. Shaun's a way better brother than you."
"Then go fucking live with him and see how great he is!" Jesse yelled. Diana stomped up the stairs and slammed her door.
"I know you are not stomping and slamming doors in my house, Diana! Have you lost your damn mind?" He yelled up the stairs. She slammed the door again.
"MAKE ME!" She screamed from her room.
"CUT THAT SHIT OUT, DIANA! DON'T KEEP FUCKING PUSHING ME GODDAMMIT!!"
I hadn't moved from my spot by the door. It was silent for the moment. Jesse knows that I just have a weird thing about people yelling or arguing. It really freaks me out and makes me uncomfortable. I hate it. But it's only angry yelling. That's what really gets me. I hate when people yell at me when they're mad, I hate when angry people yell. It's just one of the many things that freak me out.
"Did you hear her? Where's the fuck is the Advil?" Jesse yelled, looking around the room, still hyped up. I don't think he ever noticed I was there. Eventually he noticed me still standing in the same spot. I guess I looked freaked out because he came over and hugged me.
I hugged him back, leaning my head on his chest. His heart was racing and he was breathing heavy.
"I'm sorry for yelling. I know you hate it." He said resting his chin on my head.
"What happened? Why are you so upset?"
"So we finish working with SZA, all the writers producers clear the studio, ready to go home. I tell Di to go back there and make sure everything has been backed up and clean, right? So tell me why when I come back her and some other intern are sucking their faces off on the couch in there! I told the boy to get put of my face and that I would talk to him tomorrow, and Di tried to yell at me! Me! I told her not to say another damn word until we got home."
"Wow, well what are you going to do?"
"I'm telling my mom. I'm not covering up for her. She's out of control."
"I think we might've been enabling her a bit."
"I'm done with that. I'm not even mad at her doing it, like I know she's sixteen, I know she's going to like boys, but really at my studio? Anyone could've walked in on them."
"I think you're a little mad that she was kissing a boy. You still think of her as your baby sister."
"Yeah. I just wanted her to love what I love, you know. Music, I thought she was really into it. And it was just for skinny ass boy."
"Aww, your big brother ego is hurt. I'm sorry. But she had to find what her own passion is, even if it's not yours."
He sighed, "I know." I put my arms around his neck.
"I made dinner if you're hungry."
"Not anymore," he muttered, kissing my forehead, "but I'll try some."
"Come on. " I said, leading him to the kitchen.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The next day we had dinner with Jesse's mom.
It could not have been worse.
After explaining the whole situation to Aiesha, watching her lose her shit about it, I was scared for Diana. Jesse tried to explain to Di, that it wasn't about the fact that she liked a boy it was more about her not being professional about. He also tried to explain that he felt used by her. As nice as he tried to be, IT DID NOT GO OVER WELL. Diana, did exactly as she told Jesse she would and told his mom about the time she walked in on us and I have truly never been more mortified. That was one dinner where no one ate their food.
I could literally feel Aiesha's hatred of me increase. The end result was Diana being grounded for a month, no electronics, and she would be volunteering at an animal shelter that one of her mom's friends worked at for the rest of the summer. It wasn't even going to be that bad but she just wouldn't shut up, she had to have the last word. But the final straw for me and for Aiesha was when she cursed Jesse out. What really pissed me off is that I could tell even though he didn't say anything that Di really hurt his feelings. Having known him since elementary school, I knew how close he was to his sister. She didn't want for nothing with him and this whole acting out thing had to stop.
After Diana was sent to her room for the remainder of the "dinner" Jesse and I had to be subjected to a loooonnnnggggg lecture from his mom about "living with a teenager " and her personal tips for having sex with kids in the house. Including some examples from when Jesse was a kid. It was as awful as it sounded. Jesse's mom decided that for at least one night, Diana was going to stay with her. So tonight was our first night alone in a few weeks.
"See you later mom!" Jesse said as they walked out the door. Diana was not currently not speaking to Jesse or apparently me at the moment. Once they left Jesse sat down on the couch closed his eyes. I walked behind him and started rubbing his shoulders.
"That was a lot." I said.
He sighed, "Yeah it was."
"How ya doin?"
"Tired." He said. I slid my hands down his chest. My lips were close to his ear as I said, "Well, come upstairs and I'll show you something that might wake you up."
"Oh really?"He said as I started to suck on his neck.
"Come on. I got something I wanna show you."
>>>>>>>>>>>
"When do you have the time to work out?" I said to Jesse as he put his arm around my waist.
"What?" He said, kissing my shoulder blades. He was the big spoon. Our naked bodies were still cooling down from our previous activities.
"You have a sexy ass six pack and I never see you work out."
"You leave earlier than me in the morning. After you get up, I work out. Since Diana's been here I haven't had much time. But sometime late at night. You never seen me?"
"Nah, at least I've never noticed. Jess?" He paused his gentle kisses.
"Do you think...do you think that, we'll ever have a baby?"
"Turn around, Love." He said. I turned into his chest. One of his hands cupped my face.
"Jaleia, I promise you, we will have a baby. I know it's hard but we gotta be patient. Okay?"
"But what if-"
"Aye! No buts, no what ifs. I'll step it up I promise we're going to have a daughter. Trust me, okay?"
"Kay," I said, he kissed my nose and then my lips. Our lips moved almost in sync until we had to stop to take a breath. I smiled at him.
"You made me sweat out my hair." I said as I cuddled up to him again.
"And you scratched the hell out of my back." He said gently tickling me.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I put my keys down on living room table. Two seconds later Jesse yelled from the kitchen, "Put your keys in right spot before you lose them." I jumped as my heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting him to be home yet. I rolled my eyes as I put my keys in the key holder by the door.
"Babe, you tryna give me a heart attack? I didn't know you were home." I said walking to the kitchen.
"I called and left a voicemail, Dr. Michaels."
"You know I don't check those!" He stopped stirring a pot of pasta for a second to give me a kiss.
"You know you should." He said.
"There's a lot of things I should do, but I don't. Anyway why you making such a huge thing of pasta?" I asked, finding some potato chips to munch on. Jesse turned toward me.
"You look radiant today, is that a new highlighter?"
"You look sexy as hell today, is that a new bullshit you're wearing? Why are you making so much pasta?"
"Cause my mother and sister will be here any minute?" His sister hadn't been with us for a couple of days. Did we use that time to shamelessly have mindblowing sex around the house? Hell yeah.
"Jess!" I said stomping my foot. "You have to tell me these things!"
"I'm sorry, it was last minute! But, have you noticed my mom has been nice to you lately? I think she's starting to like you."
"Saying that your mom has been nice to me lately is like saying, 'Isn't nice the shark only ate half your leg instead of both your legs.' She's been preoccupied."
"I love you." Jesse sang.
"Yeah, yeah." I said, still shoving chips in my mouth.
"You're not really mad are you? She's only here for Diana." He said as he grabbed plates from the cabinet.
"No, I'm not mad. I just expected one thing and I'm getting something else. "
"Okay?" Jesse said Sounding confused. The doorbell rang. Jesse looked at me from where he was plating the pasta.
"Could you?" He smiled at me. I glared back at him before walking to the door.
"I'll buy you something sparkly tomorrow!" He yelled as I approached the door.
"You better, you owe me!" I answered back. I opened the door and as usual, before I could say anything Aiesha walked right past me. I motioned for Diana to come in because unlike her mother she had manners. I closed my eyes for a second and prayed that I would have the strength not to slap that woman tonight. After collecting myself I joined everyone in the kitchen. We had a kitchen "table" that we could fold out from the wall, and everyone was seated around it.
I sat down next to Jesse and we said grace. We started eating and the silence soon became awkward.
Aiesha decided to speak first. "Now I know the way we left things wasn't good. But I think Diana would like to use this time to set some things right." She said. Diana hadn't said anything since walking through the door. She stopped staring at the floor and looked at Jesse.
"I'm sorry." She said.
"For what? Don't act like you don't know what to say now." Aiesha nudged her.
"I'm sorry for being awful to you. You didn't deserve that and I'm sorry I got mad at you." She said.
"I get that you're going through a lot right now Di, but don't forget, we're all just trying to help you. Just talk to us." Jesse said.
"Okay."
"Come here." Jesse said, holding his arms out. Diana walked over and hugged Jesse and immediately started crying.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hate me!" She cried into his shoulder.
"Hey, hey, I don't hate you Di, I get it. You've been through a lot lately, we wll have. It's okay. I love you. Alright? Hey, I'm serious. I'll always be here for you." He said. She started sniffing and let him go.
"Go ahead and wash your face off." Aiesha said. Diana nodded and walked out the room.
"We've done a lot of talking over the past couple of days with her therapist and we are, we're trying to work through this. It's been really hard for her- for all of us but especially her, and I think that she's finally getting the help she needs. If you don't mind her staying with you again-just until I find a new place. That would be great because she gets really bad night terrors staying at home, she hasn't slept a full night since we she left here." Aiesha said. She closed her eyes and sighed.
"You know our doors are always open. Diana is welcome anytime. " I said. Jesse gave my hand a gentle squeeze under the table.
"Yeah, mom. Anytime. But are you okay? I worry about you." Jesse said, standing up and walking to her. I had to admit his mom looked stressed as hell. She just didn't have the same energy as usual. Her eyes had a tired look to them and she had bags under her eyes, clearly she hadn't been sleeping.
"I'm just tired. It's hard adjusting to this new normal. I miss your father, a lot. He was my world. I keep expecting to see him come home. And-" she started tearing up. I handed Jesse a tissue, and just sat there awkwardly. I didn't want to leave but at the same time I was so uncomfortable and I didn't think Aiesha would want me near her but at the same time, it's hard for me to see someone crying and not comfort them. But Jesse held his mom while she cried on him.
"We had so many plans, we were going to travel, we had so much to do. It's not fair. My baby is all tore up about it and I'm trying to help her and it's a lot. Jess, it's a lot. I wish this was just a horrible nightmare." She cried. Jesse mouthed to me
"Can you check on Diana?" I nodded and quietly slipped out the room.
I felt bad for everyone, I know Jesse was still processing losing his dad, and while the waves of sadness seemed to be gone for now, I know he missed him. I could see how this was tearing Diana apart. Jesse, Ciara, and Shaun were face timing the other day and talking about him. Their dad was the reason why Jesse and Shaun were on good terms again, because during our senior year of high school they stopped speaking to each other-for years.
But his mom shocked me. I was so used to seeing her be demanding, confident, and domineering that this shift to her being confused, and sad, blew my mind. Jesse's dad was such a huge pillar of their family, and that was clear while he was alive, but strikingly clearer in his death. I wanted to help so bad but I didn't know what to do.
When I found Diana she was sniffling on the toliet seat lid. The door was open but I knocked anyway. She looked up at me with her bloodshot, puffy eyes.
"Can we talk for a minute?" I asked.
"Sure." She said. I sat on the counter and faced her.
"You know your brother could never hate you. Never. He just wants the best for you, and I know that sounds stupid but it's true. He may seem like he's trying to be your dad but he is just trying to look out for you and lead you. If that makes sense. And your brother is really good at not showing it but he's hurting too and he talks to me a lot and as much as I want to I can't always relate to how he's feeling. But you being his sister probably feel a lot of what he's feeling right now. So maybe, if you feel up to it, you can talk to him sometimes. Just a suggestion."
"Thank you." She said.
"For what?" I asked.
"Not kicking me out of your house. And I'm sorry for being rude to you too. I really like staying here, I can't sleep at home. And you guys are really nice. It's like having another sister." She said. I aww'd inside my head.
"You're always welcome, and having you here is cool too because I get to be an older sister for once. You ready to go back?" I gave her a hug.
"Yeah." She said.
"Great cause I can't feel my butt!" I said as we walked out the bathroom.
>>>>>>>>>>>
Later that night me and Jesse laid in bed, I had my head in his lap as he sat up against the headboard. His mom had gone home, amd she was doing okay for now. Diana went to bed in her room in our house. It was quiet as I let Jesse twist my hair.
"You're going to have to get up at some point." He said.
"I know, but keep twisting until you get to that point." I said.
"You know my dad used to do my hair?" He said.
"Really?" I said. He nodded.
"Yeah until high school, if it wasn't going to be cut short, all the braids I had were him, well mostly him, my brother and sister sometimes did it and my mom always tried to but she couldn't do it like dad."
"That's cute."
"He's the reason Shaun and I talk. He did so much for us."
"He was an amazing man, Jess. But speaking of Shaun, you never told me that story, you told me bits and pieces but never how you made up."
"Its a long ass story."
"We ain't doing nothing. Tell me." I said. "Ow! that hair your pulling is attached to a head!" I grabbed the strands he had just pulled.
"Sorry, there was a kink."
"Storytime."
"Okay, damn girl. So remember in high school when Shaun used to beat the shit out of me."
"Yeah, but you hid it well."
"I hated going home, he would just get annoyed at some random shit and just beat the fuck out of me." Shaun and Jesse were both in pretty good shape, but Jesse was only 5'11 and Shaun was 6'2. Jesse was about 170 pounds, Shaun was about 220. Even in high school Shaun was bigger and heavier. He was also a weightlifter.
"We that summer I stopped fucking with him, two years later he had a heart attack. The reason he had been so crazy and aggressive was because he had been taking steroids to keep up bodybuilding with his frat boys. He almost ruined his heart. But the steroids had him losing his mind. I didn't go see him in the hospital that's how much I hated him. My dad decided after I refused to see him that our relationship needed to be fixed. Shaun recovered and was fine but he made us sit down and talk. Which being the manly men that we are didn't go well and we almost fought again. My dad stopped us because we were still afraid of him. Not gon lie." I laughed.
"Seriously?" I asked.
"I'm dead ass. He threatened to beat us. I wasn't get my ass beat by my father as a grown man."
"But-"
"No more questions! But the next time my dad made us talk he brought in someone we feared even more than him. My sister."
"Ciara? Are you kidding me?"
"She has a twisted mind, you have never been on the other side of it. She won't get you physically, she gets you mentally. " he said as I laughed.
"Go on Jess."
"Ask her! She's got an evil side! Anyway, they made us talk and Shaun actually apologized for using me as punching bag and all the other shit he did. He was using steroids and doing other drugs and it really fucked him up for a while. But I'll always love my brother, I think I just need to hear him say it. I think I just needed him to give a fuck about me, you know."
"You're such a softie."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are, you're a turtle. You have a hard outer shell but underneath all that is just squishy stuff. And it's one of the reasons I love you. I didn't know your brother was on drugs, though."
"Yeah for a little bit. My dad sent him to rehab. To my understanding he wasn't addicted or on anything hard but it was enough for my dad to send him to rehab. But he won't talk about it so I don't ask."
"You have been through a lot. "
"Yeah, it's been real. But I'm glad. It made me who I am."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
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