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lateasalways · 4 years

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To the anon who asked “ what do you mean by reading gary's book "if you want to be disturbed"? “

I have a lot of feelings and this got loooooong I'm sorry about that lol.

The short answer is I thought the book was very interesting and wanted to recommend it if you want to know more about Elton from a different perspective. But then on the other hand, I found the book a bit disturbing so I just wanted to kind of say that as a warning, cause although it was very fascinating it wasn't exactly very pleasant reading. Now, what makes it disturbing? Where do I start?

The thing is, Elton has already admitted to basically everything that's in there so there's nothing too shocking and I had kind of pieced together what he's like from the 4 other books I've read about him and all the interviews I've watched and read (don't judge lmao, it was lockdown although I would’ve done it anyway), but what's like 2 sentences in his own book is over 200 pages here so it's just very detailed. And it's from 1982-1990 which was obviously his worst period when it comes to drugs and that, so it's some really awful behavior that's described. But on the other hand, Gary obviously focuses on the bad stuff although it would've had to be good stuff as well cause he was dumped about 5 times and knew very well what Elton was like, yet he came back every time, he even reached out himself, and he claims he wasn't a gold digger either so it must've been something?

So basically when I got the book I read it in a little more than a day which was just too fast to process anything and I was kinda disturbed cause it's just so... God idek where to begin it's just a ride and a half like... I guess what's disturbing is just in general how he treated people, like he met Gary 3 times I think before he asked him to move in with him, and Gary's Australian so it's not a light hearted decision, but he came and went with him on tour and didn't like it cause Elton wanted him to be with him at all times and since he's been all over the world a million times over he couldn't be bothered to go out and do anything so Gary was bored witless and when he said he wanted to leave, Elton's genius solution was to, wait for it, shave off his eyebrows in protest like.... wtf even???? I mean that part made me howl but it's so weird!! Actually you have to read it for yourself cause I can't say it better than Davey.

So somehow it worked and he stayed but after a while Elton got tired and sent him home. But then their parents became really good friends somehow?? So they got in touch again and got back together, but eventually Gary caught him cheating and confronted him and that got him sent home again. Then the 3rd time they got together Elton suddenly decided it was a good idea to get married to Renate and he didn't even tell Gary first. And not only that but Gary had to go with her and help find a wedding dress???? Poor guy???? And then he just sat in his hotel room paid for by Elton, watching the wedding coverage on tv?? It’s so fucking absurd! Then he met with Renate 2 weeks later cause they were friends and basically the marriage was already over but I mean Oprahshrug.gif. After that Elton contacted Gary whenever he was in Australia only because he wanted a threesome and for some reason Gary obliged which is... idk why cause he says he wanted to move on but I guess not that bad. The last time they met was on a month-long holiday after Elton got clean and it seems like they had a great time and Gary asked for a job afterward and Elton was like sure, but it never happened and Gary kept pushing and eventually Elton changed his phone number (which he does regularly) and he never heard from him again. The book came out in 1995 tho and I have no idea if they ever spoke after that. To me it seems like the holiday was kind of to make up for everything and that he wanted to move on after that, but Gary clearly didn't see it that way. Elton paid for his whole pilot education so I think he wanted him to get a job away from him but then instead Gary wanted to move to England again and work for Elton and when that didn't happen he seemed kind of petty about it? Which is why I don't want to take absolutely everything he says at face value cause the book seems a bit revenge-y after that. Like I believe what he writes, but like I said he clearly focuses on the negative things and rarely go into the good times, so there's that. Plus Elton is obviously very aware of his bad behavior in that period and has grown since then, good for him.

But I guess what disturbed me was just how he treated Gary and presumably his other boyfriends like objects without feelings and in a way his treatment of them was a bit like how John Reid used to treat him? So maybe it was a way to avoid that happening to him again? Or maybe that's just the way cocaine makes you, idk. It's probably a combination. But like one thing was the fact that he made them give up their lives to be with him and throw them away when he got bored or cheat, the other thing is the fact that he used to keep nude photos of them which, again, I already knew, but reading about it from the other side gave me the creeps a bit cause it’s almost like they were just another one of his collections. But then I also think it was kind of a coping mechanism with the fact that he knew (or thought, cause Gary clearly loved him) that most of his boyfriends were just gold diggers and that he was really afraid of getting hurt so he would rather kind of distance himself emotionally. Oh God this is turning into amateur psychologist hour, I better stop lmao! Bottom line, I thought the book was very VERY interesting, but parts of it was really dark and at times disturbing.

If you're still with me anon (you’re a trouper if you are), thank you for the ask! I've been dying to discuss this book since I read it and I have a lot on my chest as you can see so if there’s anything else you’re wondering about, feel free to come off anon and give me another ask :)

#ask #anonymous

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tartagyu · 7 years

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92 questions ✨

rules: you must answer these 92 statements and tag as many people as you like!

tagged by: @bamethyst ; thank you for the tag nora! 💖 tagging: @astonishowell, @ggukgf, @chaiteasuga, @ttae, @agustboy, @cypherr, @sprxngday, @gayminyoongi ,,i know we don’t talk much but i regard y’all as my mutuals ☺️💗

THE LAST: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: with a group mate from one of my classes 3. text message: asking my friend a question about school work zz 4. song you listened to: critical beauty // pentagon 5. time you cried: i nearly cried when i reread a letter to myself written from my 27yo self’s perspective from a week ago but i dont rmb when i actually cried. i think a month ago? like i cried myself to sleep?idk 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone i liked y ikez 8. been cheated on: never properly dated people so nope; but if u mean in terms of friendship, yup 9. lost someone special: yea 10. been depressed: ye i think so 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, underaged y’all

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12-14. pastel blue, any shade of purple, grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: not rly; only early this year bc i transitioned from my secondary school to a polytechnic 16. fallen out of love: kinda?idk if changing biases counted as falling out of love? 17. laughed until you cried: i think so;; now i miss my old friends 18. found out someone was talking about you: not rly but i always think that someone does 19. met someone who changed you: yeah 20. found out who your friends are: they’ve been there since 2015 so nope 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: um,, my mum?lol

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: majority of them. i used to be a Swifitie so i talked to the Swifties on there and make friends with them but not anymore ofc 23. do you have any pets: no :( i want a pet cat 24. do you want to change your name: yeah, it’s too common. that’s why i’d rather be called “lish” :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i don’t rly remember? i think i was preparing for my o’s last year so i didn’t have a very fun bday party 26. what time did you wake up: 10am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching dan and phil play “dream daddy” 28. name something you can’t wait for: for got7 to come to singapore!!!! they came last year but i wasn’t that big a fan :( 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: about half an hour ago? she went out to buy lunch and run errands 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i could be more self-motivated 31. what are you listening to right now: down // fifth harmony 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: holland 33. something that is getting on your nerves: i get so anxious and my brain feels like it is going to explode whenever i near the deadline for assignments 34. most visited website: tumblr, youtube, twitter 35. moles: one on my ear that looks like a piercing, one on the side of my left hand near the pinky 36. marks: tuans; jk i don’t have them, i think 38. hair colour: black?dark brown? 39. long or short hair: long 40. do you have a crush on someone: yugyeom 💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 41. what do you like about yourself: um, i can draw?i think // follow my art instagram (gotta get that promo) 42. piercings: nope; but people always mistake my mole on my ear for one 43. blood type: idek,, a? 44. nickname: lish (which i prefer people to call me; i’m grateful for that friend who made it but we don’t talk much anymore), alicia cheese (bc my last name is chee,, this is such a primary school joke), ciacia (sher-sher; my mum used to call me that) 45. relationship status: single 46. zodiac: dragon (chinese zodiac), taurus (if you mean my star sign) 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favourite tv show: shadowhunters, riverdale (these series are so problematic idek why i like them so much but i love shadowhunters bc i’ve read the mortal instruments and it’s lit af);; i don’t watch a lot of tv series now though 49. tattoos: nup 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: nope 52. hair dyed in different color: ashy colour or light blue 53. sport: i like badminton but i don’t play it much now 55. vacation: i went to hong kong, taiwan, japan and malaysia (too many times to count, especially genting) before but i want to visit london and south korea 56. pair of trainers: i wear my school shoes (they are like sneakers) to play sports if that’s what trainers are for

MORE GENERAL 57. eating: not yet 58. drinking: my saliva 59. i’m about to: finalise what i have to present with my group on monday sighh 61. waiting for: my mother to buy lunch 62. want: to get this semester over with 63. get married: i will probably be single with my apartment full of cats 64. career: psychologist!! 65. hugs or kisses: both 66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: taller (i mean, look at yugy) 68. older or younger: older 70. nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. hook up or relationship: relationship 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: no, im smol 75. drank hard liquor: no, im smol 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: nope; but i stepped and sat on my glasses before and i’ve never worn contact lenses before 77. turned someone down: nope; no one has ever asked me out before, it’s always me who confess to them (i don’t do that now) 78. sex on the first date: no, im smol 79. broken someone’s heart: no 80. had your heart broken: i guess? 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: ofc 83. fallen for a friend: i liked him before i was even friends with him but yeah, i got over him now?i think? i still have dreams abt him u gh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: i want to ,,but idk 85. miracles: kinda 86. love at first sight: n o 87. santa claus: i didn’t believe in him since the beginning, i think; i mean he is a white guy and i live in an asian country so when i was little, i thought i never rly saw these kind of people where i live (is this offensive,, sorry) 88. kiss on the first date: depends; i’ve never gone on a date with anyone before 89. angels: i mean jimin, yugyeom, hoseok and jackson exist so yeah

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: i have a couple of close friends now but not rly best friend? it’s too early for that, i’ve only just known these people for a few months 91. eye colour: dark brown?black? 92. favourite movie: currently my fav movie is split (when dr fletcher was like what if people with D.I.D. have unlocked the full potential of the brain, i was positively shookt) and guardians of the galaxy vol i. and ii. (gotg never gets old, it’s the shit y’all)

#i have no idea why there are some numbers/questions missing #mine #i just want a q

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mysewoon · 7 years

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“SHOULD WE KNOW US A LITTLE BETTER” TAG 📜

i was tagged by @urmomstax and lauryn but idk where she is thank you :” this is late i think but you must understand i procrastinate like crazy

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people i refuse

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: i don’t talk on the phone 3. Text message: “NOTHING REALLY” 4. Song you listened to: now the future pass of this love by BTOB 5. Time you cried: like,,, this morning bc i was watching maury and that shit was funny as hell 6. Dated someone twice: i’ve never even dated anyone bless 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: do you really think i have kissed someone without dating them?? well you’re right 8. Been cheated on: do i look like someone who would ever let someone get that close 9. Lost someone special: i’ve never lost anyone special?? 10. Been depressed: i’m always depressed wth 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i’ve never been drunk wow

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: baby pink, baby blue, and mint green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yup! and they’re awesomee 16. Fallen out of love: i’ve never fallen in love anyway 17. Laughed until you cried: i laugh really hard so it’d be weird if it didn’t end with me in tears 18. Found out someone was talking about you: not in the last year!! i kept a low profile 19. Met someone who changed you: nope 20. Found out who your friends are: i’ve found out who my friends aren’t?? specifically in february of this year... that... bitch... 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I WOULD NEVER STOOP THAT LOW

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i know them all 23. Do you have any pets: she’s not really mine but i’ve been living with a cat named baddie for the last year she’s really annoying 24. Do you want to change your name: not really?? rachel feels like me 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i didn’t really celebrate my birthday on the day of my birthday?? like a week later was when my dad came and then we celebrated... but on my actual birthday i just ate cake and sat around 26. What time did you wake up: 10am!! don't let the exclamation point fool you i wasn't v happy 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was reading a new webcomic named lookism it’s really good so far!! but the wifi was so bad where i was so i had to wait until i went to my best friend’s house to actually finish it 28. Name something you can’t wait for: um?? the morning bc the breakfast at this hotel starts at 6am and i’m ready to eat until i suffocate 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a little over a day ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i had more money so my mom wouldn’t have to struggle so much and that i had more opportunities to put myself out there 31. What are you listening right now: naturee 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: actually... no? that seems like such a common name but i guess... there aren’t a lot of toms just lying around for you to speak to 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my fucking laptop won’t connect to the hotel wifi although my phone is connected so my ass is sitting here like an idiot writing wonhyuk fluff on this BIG ASS computer screen oh my god 34. Most visited Website: AO3 ofc 35. Mole/s: the only one i can think about right now is the mole on the inside of my left middle finger 36. Mark/s: i’m covered in scars omg and i have a bruise on my leg that has been there for like a few years??? maybe it isn’t actually a bruise idk how bruises work 37. Childhood dream: hmm,,, i can’t even remember yesterday tbh but i guess my childhood dream was to be a writer but then i realized that i don’t want that to be my whole life 38. Hair color: black 39. Long or short hair: i just cut my hair in april and i’m so happy that i did!! 40. Do you have a crush on someone: what is a crush?? 41. What do you like about yourself: my lips when they’re not dry 42. Piercings: nope it’s not really encouraged in my religion 43. Blood type: i actually don’t know?? that would really suck if i needed blood 44. Nickname: rae... there’s not much you can do with the name rachel 45. Relationship status: single af 46. Zodiac: virgo 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: broad city, andi mack, and age of youth 49. Tattoos: i am ink-free 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nope 52. Piercing: who made this list?? 53. Sport: i can’t even get off the couch 55. Vacation: this is such a vague question?? but lately i’ve really wanted to go to botswana and italy 56. Pair of trainers: i have a pair of adidas and space converse (if converse shoes even count)

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: vague question?? but i love to eat! my favorite is miso soup 58. Drinking: tea and coffee is all i need to get by honestly 59. I’m about to: possibly go to sleep 61. Waiting for: breakfast in the morning 62. Want: to become an online model so i can get free clothes :( but guess what biNCH?? i’m UGLY!!!!!!!!! 63. Get married: marriage isn’t for me idc what anyone says 64. Career: my dream career is to be an engineering psychologist

WHICH IS BETTER?:

65. Hugs or kisses: hugss 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms 71. Sensitive or loud: idek what this means to be entirely honest... but sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: hook up 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: lmao yall 75. Drank hard liquor: unfortunately... it wasn’t a thrill 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes,,, idk if i regret buying hyungwon’s circular lens glasses bc i’ve lost them twice already and i just got them last month 77. Turned someone down: oh yeah 78. Sex in the first date: i’ve never been on a date do you understand??? 79. Broken someones heart: i break a heart every time i step in a room 80. Had your heart broken: sigh... when jooheon dyed his hair blond that really hurt me 81. Been arrested: don’t play me i’m black i have to be careful 82. Cried when someone died: oh yes :// 83. Fallen for a friend: noooo

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: BUHAHAHAHAHAHA 85. Miracles: hmm?? yes 86. Love at first sight: nah 87. Santa Claus: lmao i was never even given the satisfaction of believing in santa claus 88. Kiss in the first date: hmm i don’t know 89. Angels: i think so

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: kadee, samantha, and rachel (we’re name twins) 91. Eye color: brown 92. Favorite movie: don’t have one?? i’m not really a movie person

i’m tagging @kimiin, @1reol, @hyunqwonnie, @hyukbinnie, and @chaerismatic

#feel free to ignore #tag game

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tveckling · 7 years

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Well I just had a fucking awful dream that went from nightmare till adventure/nice good dream to nightmare again. Although my heart is actually beating normal hm. I was home in my hometown again, having moved back there I guess. And I had all these bad feelings, and then I happened upon something slenderman-ish that I managed to escape and then it ~turned out to be~ a small dog (but it wasn't actually). Since it was early in the dream I thought it was though and went on my way. As I was walking home it was almost pitch black and I hurried from street lamp light to street lamp. Then from the darkness around the lights there came the slenderman-ish thing again, but lots of them, and they were more like shadow material sorta? But in the spot of light I could fight back, using my own shadow to throw them around. And there was a guy in the street lamp light next to mine, and we teamed up and eventually the slenderman-ish shadows retreated from trying to cut us into pieces. And then typical dream jump, and I was with a slightly older woman who was taking me to the movies that all of sudden existed in my small fucking village (there is a convenience store, a pizzeria/restaurant, a florist, a veterinarian, a small but awesome library.... and that's it.. but dreams) in a.... incestuous big sister kind of way? Idek guys. It was weird. Especially since we were dating... And I can't remember exactly how but we were attacked again and the guy from earlier came into the place too, and a girl, and a guy who'd been doing this for a long time and who was supposed to be our mentor (I got my period which apparently was one of the signs of the big shit happening, and this kind of period would be the one where your whole lower body would be literally covered in blood and period yuck, and I was so pissed off that no one had warned me about it and I just got angrier at the mentor's attempts of 'but there's nothing we can do...' until I scared him bad enough that he did some magic thing that ~tied it up~. Literally took some small rope and tied it up around my little toe (which we were all a bit disgusted by considering the state of it...) to tie it all up) and after we had won there we were joined by three women we had seen around this dream town center who turned out to be veterans at this light-dark/good-evil thing too, and who had been ordered to remain and help my group. Because apparently the darkness in this town was much much higher and stronger than it should be, ofc. During this time, when the others talked about -stuff- me and this girlfriend of mine declared our love for each other, which? Apparently gave us... some sort of... upgrade in powers? Or something. We literally had powers in terms of levels. My group was at like level 3, while our mentors were all at idk level 40 or something. And our opponents were probably stronger idk we never got to that for some reason. But the thing was that hanks to feelings our powers could fluctuate, which was evidenced when I -as mentioned earlier- got majorly pissed off at all four of our mentors, and suddenly I had power in the level 45s iirc. And then immediately when I calmed down I went back to level 3. (I was ~unusually~ strong, that manner of power fluctuation was apparently very rare, and stuff, I'm the obvious hero of the story, I think as they discuss on and on) We were getting attacked almost non-stop, which made me pissed off again (and I was now smugly aware that I was ~the chosen one~ or something) so I went to the window and picked a fight. Basically telepathic fights now, for some reason. My ~love~ was behind me and giving me strength and later on fighting too, so we kicked a lot of ass. Until the ~real darkness~ dudes showed up. Was surprised by the level of power I/we possessed, but they also have fluctuating power shtick and since they began at like level 50 instead of level 3.... well, I managed to give one of them a nosebleed, and then they handed me my poor newbie ass to me and we had to escape back to the group. This was basically the end of the pleasant story. Because after that the ~darkness~ attacked for real (and while it was all happening it was fucking scary but now that I'm awake and remember the couple faces of the evil guys..... I die..... because I have been watching hbomberguy's videos on YouTube, and he has this special small circle of anti-feminism/anti-diversity/anti-who-the-fuck-knows/anti-Anita Sarkeesian youtubers that he often mocks (which they deserve... sweet fucking lord... and one of them was a Swedish guy that I will not hesitate to punch if I ever happen to see him in real life, fucking coming on the Internet and shaming my country like that fuck off).... and these guys were the ~forces of darkness~ *dies laughing*)(one of them, bald guy with an actual fucking "psychologist chair" that he uses in his super pretentious and racist and sexist videos, he actually had fucking devil horns sticking out on top of his head and was all demonized in the face I kid you not. Scary as fuck when happening, incredibly amusing afterwards) And suddenly we're somehow at my house, and we're surrounded by these ~forces of darkness~. We can make barriers, the.... 8? Of us, but only what we see and we have to stick together (no one going off alone and dying here nope). And since it's a pretty big house they break in here and here, until we're fucking forced into my fucking bedroom (the state of which is surprisingly clean and empty and such, thanks for small mercies I guess). There was a small boy outside that ran around and was going 'I'll get help!' And we went 'ffs random boy GET BEHIND US JFC' but he ofc was grabbed and we heard painful screams as he died. And apparently the demon things can't break through the barrier at all if we.... lock the door, and keep away from the edges of the room so they can't horror-movie reach through and pull us out. But that's ofc the time when I have to admit there's no fucking key to my bedroom door.... And the bald demon MRA breaks off half the door and does a very good impression of 'here's Jackie' which freaked me out so I focused all my power on just him, managing to give him a small nosebleed. And he scoffed and grinned even higher at my attempt. And it was so clear that our barrier would be broken at any moment, and we were all going to die, and holy shit guys the terror- And then I woke up. Yeah. There was also a subplot with a couple of the guys (although there was only... one guy in the group? And he was neither of them. Idk. Dream) one of which was cursed to have everyone love him until it eventually would lead to someone killing him to get him to themselves or a bunch of people ripping him apart to get a piece of him, or some other equally not-fun death. And the other was cursed, almost by the first guy's curse?, to be hated by all the people who loved the first guy - if the second guy showed any hint of interest in the first guy. Yeah. A fanfiction plot, with characters just appearing for this subplot. Idek guys. Idek. .... it doesn't sound as scary now afterwards, but trust me, in the dream it was all real and fucking shit-your-pants terrifying.

#long post #me #my writing #I guess #mobile so no read more #sorry #I gotta admit I actually turned on the lights in my apartment when I woke up.... it was not nice to be in the dark #even if it's not actual dark (it's still almost light out)#but in the dream this is definitely dark enough #so all sources of strong lights are turned on in the room... Yeah #fucking dreams #if we remove the fucking horror aspects it's pretty typical of my dreams though jfyi

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