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#it all feels so impossible and crushing
ducktollers · 30 days
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who up feeling their spirit get crushed into dust by this ai shit 😂😂😂
#turns out my laptop isnt strong enough to run glaze so now i gotta wait at least a month for them to reply to my dm 😃#not on them at all ik theyre swamped but im just like. why do we have to fucking do this#like ​putting poison on our lunch so coworkers stop stealing it. Why do the coworkers get away with stealing it in the first place#why is this how things have worked out. the amount of companies ive seen use ai generation for their ads (TABLET COMPANIES.)………#im like. u used to have to pay an artist to do that. and instead of putting technicology to good use#where it can do things that are tedious/difficult/impossible for humans to do#we’ve decided to have the machines do the one job we thought a machine COULDNT steal. bc its abt human creativity and passion#why. bc it saves a bunch of rich fucks even more money and they dont give a fuck about the rest of us#this shit wouldnt even exist if human artists werent here first for it to copy its souless its nothing its cold and dead i fucking hate it#YEARS of work and experience and craft honing and nobody gives a fuck they just see a person they dont have to pay anymore#steals our lifes work without our permission without paying us without a care how is my spirit NOT supposed to feel crushed#i see an ai image and all i see is decades of hard work that was stolen like if u ripped the bones out of a living person#ik jts dramatic and i keep going on abt rhis but it just bothers me SO fucking much#every time i have to think abt it ​its like a thousand pound rock dropped into my stomach#x
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sonego · 2 months
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can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me
#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but)#it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but#god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted#i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating#i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped#quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe#and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my#brother to a lesser extent)#every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world#and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives#it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better#when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable#god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big#obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem#i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job)#going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so#the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't#i don't even want to#but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks#and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested#ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm#delete later#i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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it really sucks to just feel so much love when there's just. nothing you can do about it
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halfyearsqueen · 4 months
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HOW ARE YOU COLOR CODED ?
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PURPLE CODED. purple, the color of wealth, prominence and owing your life to a king and crown, whether literal or metaphorical. you believe yourself above it all, believe that nothing can stand in your way and everything will go according to your master plan. but at the end of the day, you're terrified. terrified of what this quest for fame and glory might cost you. terrified of what you may lose in the rise to fortune. terrified of being alone even when you have so many smiling faces around you. you want truth, you want sincerity, you want... what DO you want, really?
tagged by: @undyingrogue
tagging : @daekarys , @doloridis , @lcerys , @betraal , @sinfyre
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butchazepam · 4 months
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I love having identity crisis that im not a real lesbian because every time i asks about how other people feel and think about sex they just tell me not to overthink it, just let it be
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vqlisms · 1 year
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i need more authors to understand that. adding romance and making it fucking creepy as hell for no reason just turns potential enjoyers away, even if it is in every other way well-written and interesting.
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pilotstreets · 1 year
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god. not to be sad online. but im sad online
#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad!#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything#my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and#do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously!#when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like#i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and#fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting#i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager!#i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like#crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one#and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people#for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know#and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and#i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this#pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno#im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing#and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and#how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry#and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know?#ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/#okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just#have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse
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thecompletebookworm · 2 years
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The fact ao3 has no Home Field Advantage fics feels like a crime. Yes I know the book has only been out a week, but I crave more of Jack and Amber and Malcolm and Miguel and I want to Dan Sanchez get what’s coming to him. Just this book feels like everything high school me would have wanted even though I hadn’t really figured out I was queer yet. It’s a cliche romance that finally lets me understand and love the cliche of the quarterback/cheerleader romance. And yet it’s so much deeper since it deals heavily in both misogyny and homophobia while making it clear forced outing is never a thing that is going to happen.
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tyrannuspitch · 9 months
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today i bought shoes even though i have difficult(tm) feet and if they still fit with insoles in i intend to actually wear my insoles so i still have useable feet in ten years i hope ur all proud of me
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invisibleoctopus · 10 months
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starting to think im a bard of void instead of being a knowledge class. i have the whole bardic crisis thing (oct 13 2013. sunday) the whole opposite aspect thing before that (Gifted Kid TM where part of my personality was bring smart. is very lightcore) and just how i seem to destroy everything i touch.
my aversion to lying and how terrible i am at it because its on a physical level in my body and i have to script it in advance (yes this is mostly autism) and not liking to keep secrets and being a blabbermouth. destroying void.
destroyed by void. getting FADED with weed. self isolation and most of my time being spent gaming or on the computer/phone. my awful terrible recurring dreams (dreams are void) that i have a fucking tag for. but the horrors have become almost mundane with how repetitive they are in my dreams and thats why i dont call them nightmares
#le p2iigh#the 'this classpect perfectly describes all my flaws' type of classpecter#no but my dreams are always like. im in school and i dont know why they wont let me drop out.#dont know if its college or What. but sometimes my former therapist is there. the one i had a crush on.#thats a thing i have with male mentor/teacher figures because of a Very Specifc Reason#other things that are always in my dreams. my dorm on the 3rd floor im always trying to figure out what clothes to wear whats clean#packing so i can go to the house that im living at that is specifically not home. wondering when i can go home to check on the cats#wondering why home looks so different its almost unrecognizable. my uncle is there. always. mom always has something Wrong with her#things being on fire near wherever im staying like next door across the street. most recently like the whole neighborhood.#not beating the doom player allegations with these descriptions.#heres more void coded things abt the dreams. being in/around bodies of water. theres one particular river i go to a lot its past some woods#the woods area separates the river and i walk upstream until i come across the widest part and the initial fork#theres always various Creatures in the water that im scared of.#this happens whenever im on the coast and in the ocean too. except sometimes theres stuff that wants to eat me#and thats not counting the kinnie dreams. either its ocean stuff that reminds me of being link.#or its like. i guess side order levels or something. and also more cursed than usual salmon run. on cursed stages. eels chasing me#(obvoiusly the agent 8 kinnie dreams)#my real life anxieties about the cat litter and taking a shower meaning i dream about having to do those things.#trying to find a place to lie down and sleep that feels comfortable for me but its impossible#thats. most of the recurring things in my dreams. my brain is tired and i interrupted myself doing Tasks for this.#i didnt expect to ramble about the recurring nature of all of these dream things. and obviously the tag is going here#adventures in losap#< the dream tag
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apothecarose · 1 year
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I wish I was as brave as my characters.
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eikons · 1 year
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was looking for songs to make up shinobu's playlist and i found one that! fits jiyu so well, especially in regards to g'raha it makes me SOOOOOOOOO
I grew up tough as a nail and I've never backed down from a fight I've fought pirates and demons alike But these feelings I have won't go down with a strike
You make me nervous and I'm not too sure why I don't do emotions, but it's hard to deny And I look at your lips and think how do they taste
I'm not the type to say how I feel I'm a warrior, my feelings are bloodlust and steel I've travelled far and I've loved once before But that didn't end well, so I'm scared love to more
I can't do words, I'm so bad that it's cruel So I tried to write a poem, but I sound like a fool I've got darkness within me, but you see right through And if anyone could love me, it's you
I'M GOING TO SHIT AND DIE why did i give jiyu the world's worst crush like alright ok i'm going to go die now!!!!!!!
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abby420 · 1 year
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nothing sadder than reading back on old texts reminiscing on when life was actually good and you weren’t alone
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starchild--27 · 1 year
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<<🙏🏻>>
#i'm only rarely posting about horrible events anymore#simply because i get overwhelmed by the bad news. because there is so much of those.#because there are always horrible things happening. there are things that have been happening for years that no one talks about anymore.#not posting abt something does not equal not caring - i think it's important to say that again#as a reassurance for myself really#because i know that i am incredibly privileged for being able to decide what badness i let into which spaces of my life.#not everyone can have a safe space like this. people live and die in wars everywhere around the world. peope live and die in protests.#people get stripped from their rights. people are unrightfully imprisoned. people are forced to work under horrible conditions.#people people lose their homes. people are hungry. people have no clean water. people get sick.#people get crushed in a too big crowd in a too little street on what was supposed to be a fun party night.#my thoughts are with the injured. with the dead. with everyone who lost somebody under such horrible circumstances.#we all just want our lives to be ok. and horrible things keep happening for reasons that are sometimes easy sometimes hard to understand#i always hope everyone is safe and i know that is impossible. but i still hope.#i hope everyone can still find pieces of happiness in these trying times too.#on that note: i am fully supporting sm cancelling the halloween party and postponing jongdae's album.#it's the right thing. anything else would be disrespectful towards everyone. this hits so close to home for them.#i hope they all are ok over there#anyway i am rambling. i just needed to put these thoughts into words.#in a way that won't depress me when i go through old posts in the future#stay safe everyone. if anyone feels alone with this or just the need to talk with someone i am always here. take care ♡
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itsukicoded · 1 year
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anyway looking at these images im like ah no wonder looking at the rest of my blog like
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that checks out
#it’s a little difficult for me to distinguish who i am because so many things have changed#and ive been so many different people for numbers of reasons#it’s obviously impossible for me to say any person ive been hasn’t been me especially when so many things about me have been consistent!!!#what am i saying? ah no you’re saying you feel like you’re growing into yourself looking at your past before your welding your square shape#to fit into a circle hole#yeah…..because i spent a lot of time highlighting the parts of me tht looked vaguely socially acceptable it’s becoming more comfortable for#me to be prickly and a little off kilter because i was being something else for so long it’s like removing the corset id been wearing to#make friends. i remember the amount of times ive said ‘ahah yeah i *used* to like anime not anymore’ to my friends and now one is asking me#if they should start a/o/t like it’s so weird im not even upset about it but it’s crazy how so many things in my life culminated to me#being that kind of person? so….i know that im lying when i say something like ‘i don’t have a sunny disposition’ because people really do#keep seeing that in me thts not something i can escape. but it is a part of me i wish i could get rid of since being a yellow type girl was#a defense mechanism no one knew about they all still think im cheery and doe eyed…..i can’t stand it but im never sure how to or if i ever#could be anything else. and it’s not like those traits aren’t things i am i can’t become anyone from scratch im a person who can always tell#what a person wants or needs to hear and always had that need to keep people happy for my own physical safety for eighteen years… so it’s#not really my fault that it spills into every single aspect of my life like that. but being described as calm and intelligent or consistent#these are things i like to be described as i don’t think i can be described as calm hahahahah im really loud i think calm would definitely#be a bold faced lie but that sixteen year old girl…the pretty yellow butterfly…i crushed her in my palms only two years later. the longer i#stare at that tombstone the more i despise her. i want permission to feel cold after the grieving sets in you know? i can’t help it if im#considerate but considerate and ‘nice’ are two different words for people to see themselves in me is one thing but for ppl to see what i can#do for them is so different. i dunno like i used to hold that title ‘mom friend’ with pride not so long ago but the word im looking for now#is ‘stable’ im the one that doesn’t mind it if im a little dark and hard to be around i would rather not keep scraping the bottom of my#energy reserves for people who like favors better than the human who gives them why couldn’t i see how tired i was? it’s a pain to love bein#reliable while hating the expectations that come with it i don’t even know if people where expecting anything from me….but they had to have#been otherwise i could’ve spoken freely. it’s hard to remember that life but i can’t blame that girl for the way she survived you know?#i just wish she would let me go for good. that i wasn’t living in her shadow that paper mâche smile still possesses me you know?#txt
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misty-lilies · 1 year
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woahhh vent in the tags woahhh
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