#it also bothers me when people call him incompetent

[hanihazeljade]

Disgustingly Green

Tim got de-aged at the age of 8. The age where he is the exact carbon copy of his parents ruthlessness. Can Batman, Nightwing and Robin can handle him?

(CW: verbal abuse, wrong parenting)

Part 2: Skill Issue

Part 3: Forced Playdate

Timothy doesn't know where he is. He knows that he fall asleep on his bed and not on some clinics. He slowly rise up to look around his surroundings.

His vision is still hazy and he rubbed his eyes with his fist as he yawns. He heard someone cooed before him. It is a grown up man that he doesn't know.

With that in his mind, he shook away all of his sleepiness. Was he kidnapped? Again? Oh no, his parents wouldn't like it.

"Hi Little Timmy, how you feeling?" The man asked him but he just looked at the man. He has blue eyes and black hair and also really really handsome. Maybe he wasn't kidnap?

"I am fine, thank you for asking." he politely replied, on reflex.

"Do you know who I am?" the man smiled at him and he just shook his head. "I'm Dick, your brother." the man, Dick, introduced himself. His face must be formed some confusion when the man chuckled, "My parents doesn't know that there is a double meaning with that, if that really bothers you, you can call me Richard."

"How about we go up? the man—Richard, said. He nodded, he doesn't always like hospital beds.

He was about to jumped out of the bed when Richard just grabbed him and carry him. He let it be, after all he likes it, noone touched him for weeks now and he missed having skin contact.

Going up the stairs and coming out of a grandfather's clock, weird, he look out of the window and he knows where he is. There is only one place like this that he could possibly be. He is still in Gotham, in Bristol still but he doesn't know which house.

The man— Richard— carry him till they end up in a long table, probably the dining room. In there, they're some people seating and he knows the man who is seating on the head seat, it's Bruce Wayne. He knows his face because his mother always pointed out his stupid behaviour but good thing is that he has some good looks.

"Is that Tim?" Bruce Wayne knows his name, holy cupcakes.

"Yep. As cute and light as ever." Richard said as he keep on cooing to him and Timothy doesn't appreciate that.

Richard put him down in a chair and a butler comes and bring him some cookies. "He wants to eat because it seems like he didn't eat for so long. "Go on, dig in Master Tim."

"Is there walnuts here?" he asked and the butler agreed.

"Yes there is a walnuts in there."

Tim pouted, he is allergic to walnuts. "I am sorry, Mister Butler, but I am allergic to walnuts."

The butler seems shocked at his claimed but quickly dissolved his shocked and gave him a chocolate chip cookie. "I hope this one is not something you are allergic with."

"Thank you, Mister Butler." he said as he take a bite. The cookie is delicious.

After the snack, Richard bring him to the room that he apparently has been using here. But he doesn't remember that. But hey, his parents won't be back till Thanksgiving and they have cookies here, he will escaped the week before Thanksgiving.

++++++++

Tim was watching a documentary about the alps and different flora that has been keeping up with the extreme weather of it, when a kid, definitely more older than he is starts bothering him.

"Tt. Of course Drake will be incompetent enough to be a hindrance in his night life." the kid said, behind him is Richard and Mister Wayne.

Timothy Jackson Drake knows that is a jab to him, and all he could remember is that his father kept on saying, "If they hit you as Drake, you hit them back twice." and her mother added, "Not physically, Timothy but rather used highly intelligent words that may hurt them. Unless they do it first." and those words were imprinted on him.

Timothy paused the documentary, and then walked closer to the boy that was insulting him, and when they are foot apart he stopped.

"Mister, you have such a vibrant green eyes." he said, "But my mother said to me that green is the colour of disgust, that's why she gave birth to a blue eyed kid. Is your mother disgusted of you?" he asked. The room was silent, no one decided to say anything after that, the kid who insulted him has a hurt in his face, but Timothy is not done yet.

"But green is also a colour of evil in Disney, like when Ursula is trying to steal Ariel's voice or when Scar pushed Mufasa in the cliff and also the green poison apple in Snow White, so is that why your Mother left you because you are evil and disgusting like them, or you are evil and mean like them because you are disgusting and left by your Mother?" he said. He strike back twice and that is his goal. His mother would be so proud.

"Tim!" a voice behind him yelled, it was Mister Wayne.

"Yes, Mister Wayne?" he smiled at the man.

"We don't insult people here, okay? Apologise to Damian, now." Mister Wayne demanded, making Tim to frowned. He is not in the wrong though?

"I am not insulting anyone, Mister Wayne. I am merely saying my observations of him." he said while looking at the adult that is so much larger than him, but Mister Wayne is a dumb man, he always broke his bones and spills wine to other people so maybe he wouldn't get it.

"However, if it really bothers you..." Tim said and he looked at Damian, "I am sorry that your mother hates you because you are disgusting and mean and evil." he added as he looked back to the stunned Bruce Wayne.

"If you excuse me, I am exhausted to talk to anyone here. You should know better Mister Wayne, you are an adult." he said and then he walked towards to his room, leaving the three stunned. Well at least he made his point.

#tim drake #fanfic #unhinged tim drake #de aged tim drake #cruel tim drake #chaotic tim drake #timothy jackson drake #tim drake wayne #damian wayne #bruce wayne #dick grayson

[wongyuseokie]

One Trick Peony | c.s.c

Summary:  Choi Seungcheol could only do one type of floral arrangement, and the rest he’d pawn off to you, granted he got a ton of orders, but he would always take the orders for arrangements that he could never do. This time he went too far. He took an ‘only peonies’ arrangement–a painfully delicate flower–and took an order for a wedding, and with your luck, you’re the only two florists available that weekend. 

☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ♕ smut | ☁︎ mild angst |  ♥ completed works  Word Count: 4885 words Pairings: Florist!Choi Seungcheol x  Florist! Female Reader  Genre/Trope(s)/AUs: Fluff, angst, smut, frenemies to lovers, idk if thats the right word they just have a ton of digs at each other but no actual hate. 

Content Warnings: Arguing, but it’s all very childish. Cheol being a slight smartass, but Y/N also being a bit mouthy. Idiots to lover makes more sense, both are dense af. Kissing, mentions of food. Inaccurate depictions of being a florist, idk. Loud and noisy kids destroying things. Moment of self doubt. 

Smut Warnings: Unprotected sex (don’t do this irl), oral (f receiving), sorta dom! Cheol, rough sex (but its more vanilla), big dick! Cheol, multiple orgasms, squirting, riding, overstimulation, creampie, cum licking, hickies, kissing, phew I think that’s it. Cheol is an after care king. 

Authors Note: This has been written for svthub's secret garden collab. Thank you all for letting me be part of this wonderful collab. Please check out the rest of the works written by my talented friends 💕 Banner Credits: @classicscreations

Cross Posted to AO3

© wongyuseokie 2023. All rights reserved.

You knew hate was a strong word, but that was all you could feel for your coworker, Choi Seungcheol. When Seungcheol first joined the flower shop, you didn’t mind him. You realised he was only capable of making one floral arrangement. 

At first, you found it cute. You’d help him, teach him, but after a while, you realised he didn’t even pay attention, and that’s when your pettiness began, and Seungcheol matched it by being extra petty. 

“Choi Seungcheol!” You exclaimed, knowing he hated being called by his full name. 

“How many times do we have to go over this, Y/N? I don’t like being called by my first name?” Seungcheol complained, and you rolled your eyes at his whining. Seungcheol whined a lot. You’d never admit it, but it was adorable. A grown man who was tall and buff whined like a toddler. Only Seungcheol could be that cute, but he didn’t have to know. 

“Why is there an order in the system for a wedding?” You questioned. “You know that we are short-staffed right now.”

“Look. I do, but it’s only a wedding with 80 people, and this lady and her husband waited for their wedding for five years because life kept getting in the way. You wouldn’t deny a couple of that joy, would you?” Seungcheol asked hopefully, grinning widely at you. 

“Besides, I told them that the best florist in Seoul was the only choice for their special day,” Seungcheol boasted, and you scoffed. 

“Of course I am, but you? You won’t even bother helping. It’ll just be me doing all the work,” you complained. 

“I’m an excellent supervisor,” Seungcheol added. 

“No, you’re just a pain in my ass,” you mumbled. 

“Oh? You know I could help take the pain away,” Seungcheol teased, and you glared at him.

“I will break a flower vase over your pretty head if you even try,” you threatened. 

“You think my head is pretty?” Seungcheol asked, and you glared at him again before storming into the back room. 

“So, how do you want to get to the venue?” Seungcheol asked you later that evening as you were cleaning up your station. The shop was bustling, and all the arrangements came to you because Seungcheol was incompetent and too busy wooing more customers to buy more flowers without concern for your workload. 

“What venue?” You asked, gritting your teeth. 

“Ouch? What’s gotten you so huffy?” Seungcheol asked. 

“You’re no help, and now you’re here trying to be chatty,” you spat. 

“I got you so many orders, though!” Seungcheol protested. 

“I didn’t need them. You know I’m busy,” you fired back, and Seungcheol frowned. 

“Hey!” A voice interrupted, and you turned to see your manager staring at you and Seungcheol disapprovingly. 

“Look, I don’t know if this is a situation of lovers who are too blind to confess, so they just verbally abuse one another? Or if you two hate each other, cut it out, at least for the weekend. This wedding would be huge for this business, and after that, we can discuss a plan or something that involves less interaction with you both, but for two days. I need you to behave. Can you do that?” Your manager asked, and you looked at Seungcheol, who avoided your gaze. 

“Yes, I can. I don’t know about her,” Seungcheol said, throwing you a cunning smile. 

“Seungcheol,” your manager warned, making him pout. 

“You see what I have to put up with?” You complained, and your manager glared at you. 

“Two days, just two days, make it work,” your manager pleaded, looking at you and Seungcheol, and you both sighed before nodding and agreeing. 

For the sake of your job, you both would make it work. 

Choi Seungcheol [7:58 am]: Morning, darling, I’m downstairs. On time, the flowers shall be delivered to the venue. I got you coffee, so please make your way down if you don’t want to get stuck in traffic. 

You [7:59 am]: Yeah, I’ll be down. 

Choi Seungcheol [8:00 am]: So cold, should have gotten you something warm to drink instead…

Choi Seungcheol [8:01 am]: See you soon, kitten, xoxo. 

You let out a groan, kitten? How dare he call you that, and not just because that word had you feeling a certain way, but kitten? Who did he think he was? 

You grumbled to yourself, grabbed your duffle bag, and made your way out of your apartment, triple checking to ensure you locked the door four times before heading downstairs to find Seungcheol. 

“Morning, sweetheart,” Seungcheol greeted, and you shot him a look. 

“Why the nicknames?” You asked.

“I’m trying to be friendly.” 

“Well, it’s weird, so stop,” you mumbled. 

“Fine, Y/N,” Seungcheol answered with a pout. 

“Shall we? It’s a bit of a drive, and I really don’t want to get stuck in traffic,” you offered.

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

“Oh, before I forget, here I put your coffee and some breakfast muffins for snacking,” Seungcheol offered as he pointed to the console. 

“This is really kind of you, thank you.” 

“See, I can be considerate,” Seungcheol bragged. 

“Yeah, one coffee and breakfast muffin won’t change how much of a pain you are at work,” you teased, making Seungcheol pout. 

“But you’re off to a good start Choi Seungcheol,” you added, making Seungcheol groan.

“I told you I don’t like my full name being used,” Seungcheol whined. 

“Okay, why, though?” 

“It feels distant, detached and cold. I feel like I’m being told off,” Seungcheol mumbled. 

“To be fair, whenever I use your full name, I am usually telling you off,” you joked, making Seungcheol frown more. 

“You can just yell at me. That’s better than full naming me,” Seungcheol offered with a grin. 

“You got a degradation kink or something?” You asked. 

“No, but I’ll tell you my kinks if you tell me yours,” Seungcheol teased with a grin. 

“Shut up.” 

You weren’t sure when you dozed off, but the next thing you knew was Seungcheol was gently shaking you awake. 

“Hey, Y/N, we’re here,” Seungcheol said softly as you stirred awake. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry I fell asleep,” you apologised, knowing you broke a universal law. Do not fall asleep at the passenger seat. 

“It’s okay, traffic was light and honestly it was kind of peaceful,” Seungcheol teased and you glared at him. Maybe you didn’t feel that bad. 

“Come on let’s check in,” Seungcheol said as you slowly made your way out of the car, grabbed your things and headed towards the hotel. 

“I can’t believe our manager gave us a room to share,” you grumbled, as you entered the hotel suite. 

“Correction she gave us a suite to share with separate bedrooms, it’s really not that bad,” Seungcheol offered and you pouted. 

“Fine, but don’t snore loudly and disturb me,” you mumbled. 

“I do not snore!” Seungcheol protested. 

“You fell asleep in the shop once and you snored so loudly that you woke yourself up,” you teased making Seungcheol sulk. 

“Such a meanie,” Seungcheol pouted. 

“You’re adorable when you sulk,” you said with a fond smile making Seungcheol grin at you. 

“I’m always adorable,” Seungcheol corrected, and you frowned at him, but you did agree, but you’d never tell him. 

“Rise and Shine. I got you breakfast. We need to be the in the ballroom to start the decorations in an hour!” Seungcheol yelled the following day as you entered the living room. 

“I’m up,” you whined as you towelled your wet hair. 

“Aww, kitten, it’s sunny out. Put a smile on your face otherwise, you’ll ruin the delicate flowers if you’re just angry,” Seungcheol babbled, and you glared at him. 

“Hey, how do you know I like this?” You asked as you looked at the plate Seungcheol set up for you. 

“Simple, I pay attention,” Seungcheol said with a smile and you felt your heart swell. You never expected him to know so much about you, but it was the same way you knew how he liked his coffee, what his favourite colour was, and his favourite author. You didn’t have to know any of it, but you paid attention too. 

“You keep staring at me, quit it,” you muttered as you delicately arranged the peonies into a beautiful centrepiece. 

That afternoon you and Seungcheol were busy arranging the ballroom with flowers and making intricate decorations for the reception. 

“I can’t help it,” Seungcheol mumbled. 

“Why?” 

“Well, you look so beautiful doing what you love,” Seungcheol said, making you glare at him. 

“Shut up.” 

“I can, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I meant what I said,” Seungcheol remarked with a grin. 

“You see me working all the time. How come you never compliment me then?” You challenged. 

“Because it’s usually in a full shop with other people around, and I don’t know. I only want you to hear the compliments, not everyone else,” Seungcheol offered, making you smile shyly at him. 

“Well, thank you, and for what it’s worth, you weren’t too insufferable during this trip,” you offered with a grin. 

“I call you beautiful, and you call me mildly tolerable. What does a guy have to do to win your heart?” Seungcheol said dramatically, making you grin. 

Little did he know that he didn’t have to do too much. 

“Cheol?” You called out from your bedroom, hoping Seungcheol could hear you. You detested cocktail gowns for their design, you could never reach the zipper and always ended up asking for help, and this dress had fancy straps that you couldn’t fasten. 

“You hollered?” Seungcheol asked as he entered your bedroom. 

“Seungcheol, can you please help me tie this? I promise I’m not trying to be a smartass. I’ve been at this for ten minutes, and I keep screwing up,” You asked as you held the thin strips of your halter with one hand on the back of your neck.

Seungcheol stared at you for a second and nodded, and you turned around so that your back was facing him, and Seungcheol took a deep breath when he saw that your gown was backless, placing an arm around your waist and pulling you closer.

You melted in his arms; his toned body felt like heaven against you. 

“How tight?” Seungcheol asked, his words making your core throb. 

“I’ll tell you when to stop,” you responded. You could do the same to him if he wanted to tease you. You bit your lip in an attempt to stop grinning when you heard him curse under his breath as he pulled on the straps. 

“Right there?” he asked, and you nodded.

“Use your words,” Seungcheol whispered, his hot breath against your neck. 

“Yes, right there,” you breathed out, and Seungcheol complied, tying the knot, and you felt his hands trail down your neck to your bare back, and you had to bite harder on your lip to not whimper at his touch. 

“All done,” Seungcheol mumbled, and you turned around, his face mere inches away from yours. 

“You look breathtaking,” Seungcheol complimented, making you smile. 

“So do you. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the bridesmaids flock to you,” you teased, and Seungcheol shook his head. 

“They can flock, but there’s only one girl worth my time,” Seungcheol responded, making you gulp. 

“Shall we? We can’t be late,” Seungcheol offered with a grin. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” you mumbled. You’d just have to curb your desire for him for now, but once the reception started, you would rile Seungcheol the way he had riled you up. 

Your plans were shot to hell the minute you walked into the ballroom, several of your floral arrangements had been destroyed, and you weren’t sure who did it, but you heard the giggles and screams of children in the ballroom and knew you found your culprits. 

Now, you weren’t one to yell at children, but when knocked into you, making you knock into another floral arrangement and destroy it, too, you couldn’t help but comment. 

“Kids, can you not play here? There are delicate arrangements,” you said as kindly as you could, and apparently, that was all it took for them to start crying. 

“Excuse me? How dare you make my children cry?” You heard someone accuse you and turned around to see an angry woman approaching you. 

“I didn’t mean to, but they were running around and destroying the floral arrangements,” you mumbled. 

“Uptight much? They’re children,” the lady sassed, and you were about to retort when Seungcheol interrupted. You weren’t sure when he showed up, but you were glad he did. 

“Ma’am, I apologise that your kids are upset, but really we’re doing our best to ensure the bride and groom are happy. You won’t get blamed for poor floral arrangements, but we will, so please be considerate of that,” Seungcheol responded calmly, and the lady shrank in size and offered a scowl before walking, well stomping out of the hall. 

“Jeez, there’s always someone like her everywhere. Come, I’ll fix the arrangements near the front of the hall, and you fix the pieces at the back of the hall?” Seungcheol offered, and you nodded meekly before heading off in that direction. 

“Hey, you did a beautiful job,” you complimented as you approached Seungcheol a few minutes later; he was just putting the final touches on a centrepiece. 

“Well. I have to. Your hard work shouldn’t go to waste,” Seungcheol said. 

“You have a delicate touch,” you mumbled. 

“I’ve been told I’m good with my hands,” Seungcheol said with a smirk, making you grin and roll your eyes at him. 

“I’m glad to see you smile,” Seungcheol said. 

“Don’t let what the mother said get to you, okay? She’s just mad that her kids embarrassed her,  take pride in your work. I know I do,” Seungcheol said as he leaned closer to place a kiss on your cheek. 

“I have to go help the groom find his boutonniere. I’ll see you later?” Seungcheol offered, and you smiled fondly at him. You watched him leave, and once he did, you placed your fingers over the spot he just kissed, and you swore you felt it tingle.

Seungcheol really didn’t have to do much to win your heart. He had it. The kiss just sealed the deal. 

“Alright, you’ve been pouting since that little kid knocked over that vase. I’m sure that kid feels awful. Will you now just forget it for a bit and enjoy the evening? Why don’t you dance with me?” Seungcheol offered later that evening when he saw you sulking by the bar during the reception. 

“I’m not upset about that. It’s just that when his mother called me uptight, I got annoyed,” you admitted, and Seungcheol nodded knowingly as he took a seat next to you at the bar. 

“Do you think I’m uptight?” You asked, honestly, you didn’t care for Seungcheol’s opinion, but the alcohol made you extra sensitive, and for some reason, you found yourself seeking comfort in your work enemy. 

“Nah. I think you take pride in your work, so when a kid tramples over it, you’re allowed to be upset,” Seungcheol consoled. 

“When you say it like that, I sound unreasonable, getting mad at a kid at all,” you trailed off. 

“Nah. That kid was getting really annoying. He stomped on my foot a couple of times,” Seungcheol joked, smiling when he saw you return him a brief smile. 

“What I’m trying to say is that it’s okay. It’s okay to be upset, you take pride in your work, and if anyone messes with it, well, it’s fair to be upset,” Seungcheol explained, reiterating his earlier points. 

“Thank you,” you mumbled. 

“Come on. You shouldn’t be sulking at a wedding. Come dance with me,” Seungcheol offered as he hopped off the barstool and stood in front of you, holding out his hand. 

“You? Choi Seungcheol, you’re telling me not to sulk? You’re the king of sulking!” You teased, and Seungcheol grinned. 

“Yes, but I look cute doing it,” Seungcheol boasted, making you frown and swat his hand away. 

“Go away, Cheol,” you grumbled. 

“I didn’t say you don’t look cute when you sulk, it’s painfully adorable, but I like it when you smile more,” Seungcheol clarified. 

“Smooth.” 

“Very, now, dance with me. You look beautiful, and I recall you telling a customer in the past that you love weddings, so why not enjoy this one?” Seungcheol asked. 

“You remember the shit I say?” You were surprised that Seungcheol even recalled that conversation. 

“Of course, now come, dance with me,” Seungcheol pushing his outstretched arm towards you, you smiled as you took his hand, and he guided you towards the dance floor. 

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” Seungcheol asked as he started to dance with you, his arms were around your waist as your hands wrapped around his neck. 

“Maybe, once.” 

“I should say it more, I cannot take my eyes of you,” Seungcheol complimented making you shyly hide your face in his chest. 

“Why the sudden flattery?” You ask. 

“It’s not sudden, I always try to do the same at work, but you’re usually busy biting, actually you are rightfully biting my head off at work,” Seungcheol corrected making you smile. 

“Then why be so annoying?” You asked making him laugh. 

“How else do I get your attention?” Seungcheol asked, and you smiled at him. 

“Okay, I have to know, you sure you don’t like being scolded, like there’s not a hidden sub inside you?” You teased. 

“Kitten, this is the second time you’ve asked about my kinks, you sure you don’t want to just find out?” Seungcheol asked, and you leaned up slightly to softly place your lips against his. 

“Show me,” you whispered as you pulled away from his lips, and Seungcheol couldn’t get the two of you out of the ballroom quick enough. 

The elevator trip and the walk back to the room was very quiet but not awkward, Seungcheol held your hand the entire way, and you were glad because his grip made you feel grounded when you were starting to float on cloud nine. 

Once you were inside the room, Seungcheol had you Seungcheol pressed his lips to yours, and you kissed him back. His lips were even softer than you could have dreamt of. They felt full and plush as they moved against yours.

You melted into the kiss when you felt Seungcheol’s hands move along your body, his fingers pressing into your waist and back, making you moan into the kiss. 

“Is that all you got?” you teased, as you mumbled against his lips, and Seungcheol smirked into the kiss as his hands moved up your exposed back, his fingers tracing your bare skin and sliding his hands down to your clothed waist, his hands moving up your stomach resting just below your covered breast. 

“More?” Seungcheol asked, moving his lips away from yours to place them on your neck as he started to place soft kisses there, making you whimper at his touch. 

“Can I take this off?” Seungcheol asked, and you nodded furiously, making him smile; he placed another kiss on your lips and quickly stripped you off your clothes, leaving you only in your panties, leaving your breasts exposed to him. 

“Fuck,” Seungcheol groaned out, and you smiled shyly at him as he pulled you into his embrace and carried you over to sit you down on the couch. Seungcheol’s lips found your neck as he sucked love bites into your neck, and his hands gently moved down to your hips. Large hands moved to grab your ass, pulling you tight against him; a string of moans and swear words left your mouth as you felt his hard length rub against your clothed pussy. 

“Cheol,” you whined out. 

“Yes?” 

“I need you,” you breathed out, and that’s all Seungcheol needed as he carried you into his bedroom, laid you on the bed, and quickly rid himself of his clothes. 

Once naked, Seungcheol crawled between your thighs and groaned when he saw the wet patch on your panties. 

“Fuck, let me have a taste, kitten,” Seungcheol said, and you only whimpered, spreading your legs further to accommodate him; Seungcheol moved quickly, pulling your panties off and throwing them across the room. 

Once greeted by your bare, glistening pussy Seungcheol knew needed to taste you, and he placed his plump lips on your clit, and started to suck, your hands twisted in his soft hair. You felt him sliding two fingers into your cunt, making you moan at the stretch, it felt so good, and Seungcheol stuck his tongue out, flicking your clit, making your back arch. 

Seungcheol smirked against your cunt, as he decided to pick up the pace, moving his fingers more quickly inside you, his mouth never leaving your clit. You kept whimpering and moaning, which only made Seungcheol increase his speed. Your legs shook as you came for him, falling apart on his tongue and finger. Seungcheol groaned as he tasted your cum, smirking, pleased with the results, but he was far from done. 

Seungcheol moved his mouth away from your clit to catch his breath, only to latch his lips back to your clit, making you whine in pleasure and pain. Seungcheol wrapped his lips around your clit while his tongue traced and circled the swollen nub. Seungcheol wrapped both his arms around your waist and held you down. 

Seungcheol moved his mouth to your pussy, shoved his tongue inside you while his fingers found your clit and started rubbing. Your grip on his hair got tighter, and he groaned at the sensation. Seungcheol’s groans vibrated against your cunt, and you held his hair for some semblance as you fell apart on his tongue. 

When he had finally cleaned you up with his tongue, you were shivering and on the precipice of another orgasm. You whimpered, trying to move away from his mouth, you were incredibly sensitive, but Seungcheol wanted to keep going. He wanted you to have a night you’d never forget, so he did and lapped up your release. 

“So sweet,” Seungcheol praised as he sat back and admired your pulsating pussy, wet, sticky, and all for him. 

“Cheol,” you moaned out. 

“Yes, kitten?” 

“Fuck me, please,” you begged, to make him smile as he adjusted your position so you were on your hands and knees. 

Seungcheol held your hips and slowly pushed himself inside you, and you felt a slight burn at the stretch. It had been so long for you since you had sex, and he was big and thick. 

Once Seungcheol realised how you weren’t hissing in pain anymore, and instead, you were moaning and muttering about how good he felt, Seungcheol started to move. He knew he wouldn’t last, not with you clenching around him so tightly. However, Seungcheol thrust into you, his movements hard and deep, eliciting whimpers and moans from you with each movement of his hips. 

Seungcheol needed to cum, but not before you, as he set off a steady pace as he fucked you and slowly reached his fingers down to your clit and rubbed at it furiously; the room was filled with your screams and his guttural moans. 

“Fuck, baby, I’m going to cum if you keep squeezing me like that,” Seungcheol groaned, gently biting your ear lobe at the same time. 

“Inside, me, please, cum inside me,” you begged as he fucked. 

 “Fuck fuck”, he groaned; a few thrusts later, he suddenly stilled and pulled out of and flipped you over so that you were laying on your back, and Seungcheol took a deep breath as he grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist. 

Seungcheol’s hard cock rested against your aching cunt; simply seeing his length made you delirious. His length was perfect, it could go deep inside you, and the thickness made you feel as good as when he fucked you. Seungcheol made you so full you had never felt, and you were sure he had ruined you for other men. 

You bucked your hips against him, rubbing your wet folds against his cock, and he hissed at that. Seungcheol pushed himself into you, and you moaned at the stretch. Seungcheol’s hands moved to unwrap your legs, moving them to position them around his neck. 

The new position allowed him to go deeper, and he pushed deep into your cunt, and he thrust his pace was perfect. Slow enough to make you feel every inch of his cock, and fast enough to make you moan. 

“Baby”, you whimpered. 

“Yes?” 

“I want to ride you,” you choked out, and Seungcheol had to take a deep breath not to cum right then and there.

You whimpered as he pulled out and adjusted his position so he could lay on the bed and adjusted your position so Seungcheol could lay under you. He felt so good inside you. You lifted your legs and started moving your hips, riding him. You felt his grip tighten on your thighs as he helped you ride him. 

“Fuck,” you cursed as you slowly sank onto his length. 

You wanted to see Seungcheol fall apart underneath you, you trailed your hands to his fingers, and your nails grazed his nipples, making him buck into you. You moaned as his hips pushed his cock deeper inside you. You kept riding him until you felt him still and released inside you. You moaned, feeling his warmth fill up your cunt.

“Fuck,” you gasped as he pushed two fingers into you. Seungcheol stood up slightly as he shoved his middle and ring finger into your cunt and hooked them there.

“Scream for me,” Seungcheol said as he vigorously pumped his fingers in and out of your cunt. He used his other hand to press down your pubic bone, holding you still as you thrashed about.

“Do you hear how wet you are?” Seungcheol asked as he kept fingering you. You whimpered in response, fisting the bed sheets between your hands and screaming as you came hard.

“Fuck. I can’t,” you choked out when you noticed he hadn’t stopped his movements.

 “Yes, you can. I know you can,” Seungcheol encouraged as he repeated his actions, making you squirt all over his hands.

You whimpered in his grip, pushing his forearm, and Seungcheol smiled as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“Fuck,” you breathed out. 

“Good?” Seungcheol asked. 

“Mhm, very,” you mumbled into his chest, making him smile. 

“Noo!” You whined when you felt him move, and Seungcheol swore his heart melted at that moment. 

“I need to clean you up,” Seungcheol said. 

“No, stay,” you whined making him laugh. 

“Please?” You asked and Seungcheol didn’t have the heart to deny you. 

“Fine, but not in this bed, it’s a little wet,” Seungcheol teased making you bury your head into his chest more. 

“Just hold onto me, and I’ll move you,” Seungcheol said as he carried you off the bed and into your bedroom, where he laid you down onto the bed, and used it as and excuse to quickly slip away and bring back a wet towel and gently clean you up. 

“Come here,” you whined holding your hands out for him. 

“Adorable,” Seungcheol cooed as he climbed into the bed, holding you in his arms as you both fell asleep. 

The following morning you woke up with a dull ache between your thighs, and an empty bed. Before you could worry, you spotted a note on the bed. 

I’m outside, waiting for room service, I thought we could do with breakfast, also I took a shower and left a towel out for you too. 

-xx Cheol. 

You smiled as you read the note, and took his suggestion, and hopped, well hobbled into the shower. 

You saw Seungcheol sitting on the couch and staring out the window when you entered the living room, you felt more awake after your shower. 

“Morning,” you greeted as you sat down next to him, and Seungcheol immediately turned around to face you, leaning forward to place a kiss on your lips. 

“Morning,” he mumbled against your lips.

“How are you?” Seungcheol asked. 

“Sore.” 

“I would apologise, but I don’t think you mind, do you?” Seungcheol teased. 

“Cheol!” 

“Okay, but as a dutiful boyfriend, I’ll make it up to you!” Seungcheol declared. 

You didn’t mind Seungcheol being your boyfriend, hell, you loved the idea, but it surprised you, and you were about to respond but a knock on the door stopped you. 

It was room service and for a few minutes you couldn’t say much. 

Once the servers left the room and Seungcheol ws setting up the plates you decided to speak. 

“Cheol. I like kitten.”

“Hm?” 

“I feel like as my boyfriend you should know what I like,” you said making him grin. 

“I like kitten, darling and sometimes baby,” you added. 

“What else do you like?” Seungcheol asked. 

“You.” 

“Oh? What a coincidence because I also like you.” 

#seventeen #seungcheol #scoups #svthub.collab #seventeen smut #svthub #kvanity #thekpopuniverse #seventeen fanfic #seventeen angst

[thirstydemisexual]

Hiii, I’d like to request number 7 and 14 for Ghost on your NSFT prompt list 🙏😩 he makes me insane

same honestly, I go feral for the man

also sorry for the delay but university is a bitch

UNIVERSITY PROJECT|| Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader

no beta again because this bitch right here has no friends who would read this

You were so fucking mad. You had a project assigned to your group and it seemed like every other person on it was fucking incompetent. They all did an an half-assed job, or they wouldn't fucking respond to call and it was driving you mad. It was just the more difficult since it was the weekend and you couldn't just go ask them in person and you knew they were taking advantage of you because you'd end up doing all the fucking work like always. You fucking hated people in times like that.

It was almost nine p.m and you were still working on your part and just fucking fuming. Honestly you didn't even bother with dinner because the anger just made your hunger subside. Your boyfriend left you alone sensing it was better in your state but he couldn't just let you skip meals.

You didn't hear the knock on your door as you were laser focused on the project but expecting it Simon just let himself in, plate of chicken and potato in one hand and a coffe mug in the other. You turned slightly at the noise of the door opening and gave him a small smile

Fuck if you loved him

"Hey princess, don't you think you should take a break?"

"I can't Si, this project is a half of our grade I can't just not work on it because of those imbeciles"

"Still you did your part didn't you?" he said coming closer and placing the plate and mug on the part of your desk free from your stuff.

"Yes but fuck they just won't do theirs properly! They are doing everything half-assed!" you said smashing your textbook closed

"Honey they are taking advantage of you"

"Don't you think I fucking know that?" you responded raising your voice, raising from your seat and smashing your hands down the desk making it slightly tremble "But I need a good grade I can't just turn in a shitty project because they won't do their part, it's gonna reflect on my grade too. Better believe I'm never partnering with these morons again after this"

You knew it was not his fault and it wasn't right to raise your voice at him, that he was just looking out for you but you were just so fucking frustrated

"Fuck" Simon replayed, slightly nibbling at his bottom lip "You look so hot when you're mad"

Your faced flushed red as you noticed the rising tent in your boyfriend grey sweats, heat pooling south. "Simon!"

"What? It's the truth" he said coming closer, hand resting on your hip bringing you closer, his prominent hardening bulge pressing against your soft stomach.

"I don't have time for this Simon" you said trying to ignore the wetness that was starting to pool at your entrance at the feeling on him on you and turning around. Which didn't help Simon at all with his little problem as his bulge was now brushing against your ass. He let out a grunt.

"Love you do need a break, Id be very happy to serve as a distraction"

You thought about it, you felt like you had to work but you still had two more days.

"I happen to know just the best way to relive stress my love" Simon's hands sneaked around your waist ad his head dipped into the crook of your neck and started trailing hot kisses.

You swiftly turned around, grabbing his jaw in one hand. His pupils blew wide.

"One round" you said as he smirked "Fuck yeah"

You smashed your lips together, the kiss was passionate, all tongue and teeth, anger still seeing trough your veins. You pushed it toward the bed in the other corner of the room. Simon was a big men, but he did enjoy when you tried manhandling him so he often let you.

"Couldn't let me work in peace could you?" you mumbled between kisses, biting hard down on his lip making him let out a low moan. You pushed him down on his back as you straddled his body, grinding your hips hard onto his bulge. He grunted.

"Words Simon" you pushed away, his body trying to follow but you bushed him down firmly with one hand.

"But how can I leave you alone when you look so hot all worked up love?"

You let out a snort as your hands reached for his t-shirt, hastily tearing it off of his body. And he liked it, he loved when you were so demeaning, so hot and bothered and intend to use him for your own pleasure. You took his bel off next and you teared down his pants hastily, not taking them off completely but enough to let his length pop out.

His hands reached to your own oversize shirt

"Not fair, want to see you princess" you let out a chuckle

"How demanding" you taunted him but complied none the less, taking off your shirt, now remaining only in your panties.

You wasted no time taking them off before reaching for his aching cock, his hips bucking into your hand as he finally felt your touch on him.

"Ride me love, please" his tone was desperate as he whined. you chuckled once again aligning your entrance sliding from his pink tip down to his thick base, your free hand sliding across his chiseled chest and landing on his throat giving a light squeeze, the way you knew had his cock twitching inside of you.

"That's good, love. Keep doing that" he let out already feeling breathless. You squeezed a little tighter as you started to set the pace

Up and down

Hi hands landed on your hips helping you as your thighs started to shake, but you quickly rejected them.

"Hands on your sides or I'll stop" he groaned but complied as your trust got sloppier and your breath heavier.

You were both close, you could feel the knot in your stomach building up as you became a panting mess

"Let's come together, on my three, got it?" you said squeezing his throat a bit harder

"Fuck yeah"

"1...2...3!" you finally let go as Simon essence painted your inside white, your combined fluids pooling on his abdomen, creating an equally obscene and arousing sight. You let yourself fall onto his chest, exhausted as his arms came around you. His length still buried inside of you.

"Now you just need to eat love ok? No skipping meals alright?" He said kissing your temple, still breathless.

"Alright"

sorry this is shorter than usual but again, university is a bitch

#sub ghost #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #ghost mw2 #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #ghost x y/n #ghost x female reader

[f1shart]

the amount of times i've drawn clowns on this blog is absurd. yes it was twice but that's twice too much

ANYWAY personality swap verona au anyone? its more of a personality inversion since i didn't swap their personalities with one another (og idea by @quejicadelapulpa)... more info ⬇️

idk why when i invert their personalities they become depressed, evil, or both but 😭 i'll go in depth on each of them

Tybalt: he was always a clown but swapbalt is quite literally a clown (he prefers jester). his personality is basically mercutio: playful, friendly, but still prim since i don't see why that would change about him i mean he's still absolutely loaded 🤑 also he loves annoying mercutio, especially since it's not like he'll get his ass whooped if he starts to throw hands (since, yk, tybalt is JACKED)

Mercutio: what i meant when i said they turn depressed when i invert their personalities 💀 swapcutio is a man of few words. he probably speaks very quietly too, only ever getting loud when he's pissed at tybalt. speaking of, he's not as hot-headed as og tybalt mostly cuz i didn't want to just swap their personas and call it a day. nah this is much funnier. i feel bad for him though i mean he's got this fucking clown constantly bothering him and there's nothing he can do about it

Romeo: he's giving pascal and i'm so sorry ab that. anyway this is where i delve more into personal hcs about personality since some of these sims weren't given much originally. i see romeo as a pretty smart kid so i didn't change that about him. i also see him as a bit immature but his wit makes up for that and that's how he's able to charm people. while swapmeo is mature, he is unfortunately quite uncharismatic so who tf knows how he pulled juliette. he's still a romance sim tho so he has his ways...

Juliette: not too much about her. i originally saw her as a little hot-headed similar to tybalt, so i decided to commit to that and make her a very mellow and chill individual. no more raging at online shooter games for her ! swapiette also wears very comfy clothes unlike juliette and dont u worry i kept her uggs. they're simply too iconic 😩

Miranda: she's basically more like her mother. this is where i was conflicted like do i swap the adults' personalities as well?? regardless, swapiranda (i need to stop) is a good christian girl 😌 as you can see she did not dye her hair in this universe and same with hermia but we'll get there. i also removed her beautiful shades SORRY but they're still there in spirit with the blue of her nails. i think swapiranda has that sweet exterior but a snakeish interior in terms of personality

Hermia: i exchanged the goth aesthetic for something more pastel and trendy for the time. you could say swapmia is a bit like og juliette in terms of personality. ooh maybe she doesn't dislike her brother in this universe! though i can see her and juliette getting tired of his smileyness. also yess swapmia's hair is her natural blonde it fits her vibe more.

Puck: last and certainly not least, evil puck 😍 the poor residents of swap veronaville cuz this kid... to me, og puck is kind, shy, dedicated to their tasks but dreadfully incompetent. you'd think he's the media's idea of a fairy- playful and mischievous, but he is surprisingly the opposite. THEN THERE'S SWAP PUCK. absolutely devious. despicable. he plays pranks and they are fucking mean pranks (not as far as battery acid in pop tho 💀 that's one of their cruel jokes. pls tybalt is not actually drinking battery acid) who KNOWS what swapmia sees in them. maybe she's evil too lmfao

anyway that's what i got. tell me why typing this drained 54% of my battery. apple is wild. maybe i'll do st but that's a hell of a lot of work

#shart #tybalt capp #mercutio monty #romeo monty #juliette capp #hermia capp #miranda capp #tycutio #puck summerdream #ts2 #pushtet if you see this i purposefully kept pucks shorts 😈 ur so welcome #i've been thinking... since they're long shorts shouldnt they be called longs? #food for thought #veronaville

[gentlebeards]

it does bother me a little when people call stede incompetent or dumb in a serious meta way. the show has made it very clear that while he’s not good at piracy in the traditional sense, he thinks outside the box, accepts new ideas, adjusts accordingly while adding his own flare, and has his own strengths. there’s a reason edward (the captain blackbeard) was so taken/impressed with him from the start, because in his own words, stede is a fucking lunatic. he’s the classic “autistic man who is simultaneously insane/naive and a genius in very odd, unexpected ways”. (there’s also a reason his crew backed him up during his trial, and a reason izzy kept losing to him.) put a little respect to his name, yeah?

#stede bonnet #ofmd #our flag means death #pirate posting #this is a lighthearted post. i’m not genuinely upset people make these comments #it is a little odd when people take those jokes seriously though? idk. maybe someone better at Words can argue and/or add their own meta

[cup1dt3a]

I’m Not Happy, So Why Should They All Be?

Summary: It was exactly twenty years ago when the mysterious Ramchackle perfect had tragically died. And this day was a heartfelt reunion of all the NRC students that attended twenty years ago with the human. But their spirit still unknowingly lingers around the school. Envious, Hateful, and upset with the world and especially Dire Crowley the fool who had them stuck here and left for dead. How will they all react to the vengeful spirit of their beloved friend who isn’t the same as they used to be? Why not take a look and see?

My main inspiration for this was a song from that new-ish Scrooge movie called “ Tell me” …It’s good what can I say

Warning: Angst

You stared out the window. Still in the same spot you’ve been for years. Sitting and staring in hatred. Hatred for being trapped in this stupid school. Hatred for dying. Hatred for never being reunited with your family. Hatred for just seeing students walking so gleefully around campus. So happy with their friends as you rot here forgotten by the people you risked your life for. Why did things end this way? Well that stupid Crow named Crowley did this to you! Your mental state and body when you were alive was deteriorating so bad that it killed you. All the work you’ve done. And everything you did was for nothing. All of it was reminders of what you lost. You had everything taken away from you. Because of that stupid crow!

“ ____ it’s been years why not join us by the fire? Some stupid kids forgot to put it out.” The chubbier of the other ghosts chuckled beckoning you to get away from the window.

“ Yeah! It’s so boring to spend eternity with you! All you ever do is stare out that window!” The skinny one commented.

“ You all know they’ll never leave that window. It’s sad to see them become so hateful over the years. __ used to be such a happy person.” The smallest of the group said knowing that you’re not even going to bother joining them.

Processing his words you smiled. Clenching your teeth at his comment. Why should you be happy?

You started to chuckle at his words “ I used to be happy? Tell me then…Tell me why should I be happy again?”

“ Why should I be happy!? I had everything taken from me the moment I set foot here! I had my whole life stolen because of some incompetent man! Every year I have to go through seeing people walk so happy out of here while I’m stuck to rot with you three! Go on tell me! I’m DYING to hear your reasoning!” You screamed turning out of your seat for once in twenty years.

You were boiling with rage. How would they ever know what you’re going through! Don’t they know you have your reasons? You just want to get back at that asshole. For all the pain he caused you. For everything he took away. You want him to suffer just like you have for these years. To fully understand the pain you’ve gone through.

“ Shhhh! We’re not supposed to be here! It sucks that those old NRC students are hogging the mirror chamber!” A random student said shushing his friends.

“….Old NRC students you say?” You appeared in front of the students startling them.

“Ah ah ah~,” you sang “ No need to scream I just want some information about these old students. Won’t you help a poor old soul out?” You asked him putting on your best friendly smile in years.

They hesitantly explained that it was some students from twenty years ago. Crowley had gathered them all for some kind of reunion. It was also about “ some human that dyed here too”. Now that’s interesting. You’d figured they all forgotten about you. Why not pay your old friends a visit…Maybe your vengeance will go a lot easier? Hopefully so you’d hate to leave them all ghosted after all these years.

“ So it’s been a while huh?” The blue haired man of the group asked.

“ Yeah, ever since the incident we haven’t really spoken that much…how’s life going?” Ace sighed looking at the three other man.

“ Same as always guarding Waka-Sama!” Sebek exclaimed pridefully.

“ I’m surprised we got out of touch in all honesty heh…Jack is that a ring!?” Epel exclaimed.

“ Took you long enough, but yes I have two kids and a beautiful wife.” He chuckled as the small group went into chaos after all these years apart they had still never really changed.

As the group was fawning over Jack being married and Ace losing his bet to Deuce a certain red head had bumped into someone.

“ Cater? I haven’t seen you in years! I’m so sorry!” Riddle exclaimed apologizing for bumping into the other red head.

“ Riddle…wow you’ve grown. Literally you used to be such a short little queen. You remember that little crown you used to wear? And those boots!” He chuckled as the red head rolled his eyes.

“ GoldFishie~! It’s been sooooo long! And here I thought you wouldn’t show up Mister “ I work in court now Floyd I can’t just stop by and get you free of all your charges!” A certain eel huffed.

“ Floyd on the surface what you did to that man is considered a felony! You know things are different up here.” A certain octopus sighed pushing his glasses up.

“ In my defense he told me he was into it!” He retorted.

“ Silver!” A white tall man with a short beard gasped going to hug the eel.

“ Hello Kalim. It’s been a while huh?” Silver asked reciprocating the hug from the now very tall and muscular white haired emperor.

They all chatted so gleefully with their old friends. So unaware of the familiar eyes that followed them all.

“ Malleus…so the fucks been up with you?” Leona asked as he took a sip of his beer.

“ …The “fuck” that has been up with me has been very well Kingscholar I hope the same for you.” The draconian king replied glancing at the lion.

“ I’ve actually been great. I have three kids and a wife surprisingly.” He proudly bragged.

“ Leona Kingscholar…I should have known the reek of alcohol was coming from you…please don’t tell me you’re drunk.” The actress sighed.

“ I wish, but my lovely wife said I could only have one beer.” He smirked holding up his ring finger to the model.

The three chatted away a few insults and eye rolls following through their conversation. Looks like they all still haven’t changed that much except for appearances.

“ Idia…I really wish you were still introverted from how much of a workaholic you are now.” The younger aground sighed seeing his brother still working on files.

“ Well they aren’t going to get themself done! Why does there always have to be so much work!? How the hell did our dad even get this shit done!?” The oldest shroud complained as they finally came to the reunion.

“Aye! Jamil how’s it been?” The hyena asked the taller man.

“ Busy. I’ve just been traveling around everywhere you know what about you?” Jamil questioned with a tilt to his head.

“ I’m finally financially stable! I can afford to get donuts whenever I want pretty much!” He said.

“ I’m so happy to hear Ruggie.” Jamil smiled.

Well isn’t everyone just living the dream. So happy and free. Just living as if they were all kings.

“ Rose Chevailer! I haven’t seen you in so long!” The hunter dramatically exclaimed starting Trey and Jade.

“ I know it’s been quite a while.” Trey said.

“ Indeed, I wished it would have stayed that way though Rook.” Jade said through his fake smile.

“ Oh, please don’t tell me you’re still mad about what happened.” He sighed.

“ Rook ,Jade couldn’t walk for a week because you saw a bird on a hicking trip and let go of the rope holding him up!” Trey said rubbing his temples.

“ I just wanted to point at it Rose Chevalier.” He pleaded as the Leech twin rolled his eyes.

Eventually all the talking throughout the Mirror Chamber came to a stop as the Headmadge spoke up silencing the large crowd. Every single member of the students from twenty years ago were here. Sure a few were missing, but still the crowed looked as big as it did the day you had awoken inside one of the coffins. Each and everyone you knew was there. It was all perfect everything except for the bastard that damned you that was still breathing was ruining seeing them all. He decided to even conduct a speech. But suddenly it had turned to you.

“ As we all know twenty years ago we had all lost an astounding member of Night Raven College. They were seen as a friend to all.” He spoke as you rolled your eyes.

“ But today isn’t about them.” He stated as you stared him down inside of the large Mirror” Today is about the success of each and every single one of you. After such a devastating travesty…” he continued as you heard enough.

Everyday you say your grave and never have you once seen him at it. Even the top part of your headstone broken off and he payed no mind to it. What the hell is he trying to do?

After he finished his dreadful speech everyone clapped. As it echoed throughout the room you couldn’t stand it. What did he mean by it isn’t about you!? You don’t want to be forgotten you can’t be! All of this is his fault he should be haunted by the guild and scared for life by what he had done to you. He should…He should have his life ruined right now. He should be scared just by seeing you. He should be crying and pleading for mercy right now. But not yet no…you wanna wait to have a little fun first.

“Well it was nice seeing you all.” Jack said as the others agreed.

As everyone started to bid their goodbyes you decided to select a few fae, madges, merman, and beastman to steal an important item from.

“ Shit!” Were’s my ring?” Leona groaned as he looked under another table.

“ I can’t find my phone!” Idia said as his brother sighed.

“ Floyd did you steal the key to my safe again? You know that isn’t a funny prank at all!” Azul questioned the Eel.

“ Hey were’s!?” And “ Did you see!” Rang as if it were a chorus throughout the now echoing room.

“ How the do you loose your wedding ring?” Vil asked.

“ Oh wait I think I just reminded where I put it! Up your fat-.” “ Now now, let’s not fight Kingscholar try to retrace your steps.” Malleus interrupted.

You smiled seeing that they were all here. It was like a gift just for you. A very special new toy you finally got after begging your parents for. A special gift that will finally perhaps put your soul to rest after all these tormenting years.

Soon enough the candles started flickering throughout the room catching the attention of the crowd. As the lights slowly started to fade away a new light shown through the mirror. A burning bright blue light that emerged a figure through the mirror. While a haunting voice laughed at the fear shown upon their “friends faces”. As the laughter stopped a groggy very horse voice called out to them as they all distanced themselves away from the mirror ready to fight whatever was coming out of it. As the bloody ink poured out your mouth while you coughed it up looking at the mortified faces of your friends staring them all straight in the eyes with a devilishly wide smile.

“ What’s the matter? I’d thought you’d all look a lot happier to see me. And to think I waited so dreadfully long to see your faces again.” You sadly sighed.

The silence of shock and horror filled the room as you got up brushing yourself off. Not that it would do much to be honest.

“Oh come on do I have to break my back just to get a word out of any of you!? Weeeellll!?” You huffed getting frustrated with their silence.

They should be happy to see you again. After all you helped them all so much they should atleast say hi for all you’ve ever done for them.

“____ is that really you?” Ace said slowly walking towards you.

“ No I’m the ghost of your extended warranty come to tell you that- OF COURSE ITS ME! After twenty years I’d expect you to be atleast a bit smarter. Did you and Deuce just seperate for so long you got dumber?” You questioned as the red head broken down in tears racing toward you to tackle you down into a hug.

“ Oh! It is you!” Ace cried as the rest of your group joined.

You didn’t know what to do at this moment. You expected some kind of revulsion to your decaying appearance. Some kind of screaming and tears of fear. But right now all there was is the crying of your dearest friends happy to see you. Even Sebek the man who always thought he was more superior than you was on his knees hugging you telling you how much he missed you. It was all so perfect almost too perfect…. If this is a dream you hoped it never ended. You never wanted to wake up again if it meant they acknowledged you once again as an actual person. It was odd to for once be the person of trouble and being comforted. You wished it was always like this when you were living. But it wasn’t now was it?

You woke up gasping for air hyperventilating as you panicked looking around. You looked at your shaking hands. They were fine. They weren’t decaying you weren’t decaying at all. You were perfectly fine. But why were you in the nurses office in one of the beds…

“ No no no!” You cried.

“ ___! You’re finally…are you ok?” Ace asked rushing over to you seeing your panicked state.

“ No…I wanna just go home!” You cried out.

You didn’t want to be here anymore. This was the third time being in the nurses office because you overworked yourself. You’re scared. You don’t want to dyne because you worked yourself to death. You just wanted to see your family and friends from where you came from. As the red head was signaling something to someone or some people behind the doorway to stop you just sat there crying.

You’re never going back home and that’s the truth.

Sorry but I just really wanted to write for twst! I haven’t in a while and I’m on a crazy for it right now! I hope you all enjoyed this angstful story!

Sincerely-Cup1dT3a💖

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst kalim #twst vil #leona kingscholar #idia shroud #malleus draconia #riddle rosehearts #ace trappola #deuce spade #jack howl #epel felmier #rook hunt #ortho shroud #sebek zigvolt #silver twst #jamil viper #azul ashengrotto #Floyd Leech #jade leech #trey clover #cater diamond #dire crowley #twisted wonderland x reader #ruggie bucchi #gender neutral reader #twst angst

[thatonewatching]

What irks them?

Slenderverse

FEAT: Jeff t.K, BEN Drowned, EJ, Masky, Hoodie, Helen Otis/Bloody Painter, LJ, HABIT, Slenderman.

Jeff t.K- He hates when people give him weird looks. Like, yeah, he knows he's weird looking and all, but won't you give him a break? It doesn't hurt his feelings or anything, but it just pisses him off. It only pisses him off, however, if it's someone in the manor or someone who serves under Slender. If someone, someone like him, gives him a weird look, whether it be of disgust or apprehension, he does not appreciate the judged feeling he gets. He feels that the only person allowed to judge him is himself. Also, he hates people who talk over him. He feels like his words are just as important, if not more, than anyone else's.

BEN Drowned- He hates when people touch his stuff without asking and when they treat him like a child. If he allows you into his room, he expects you to respect his boundaries, whether you're close or not. He trusted you, so he expects you to not to break that trust. His items are his property, so why can't you respect it? He feels like it isn't that hard. (I'm not projecting, I promise) And if he were to tell you that he's upset with how you're acting and what you're doing, and you invalidate his feelings, he doesn't like you, anymore. He'll tell you to get out, once you do, he'll pace around and be a little storm cloud for a bit till he's calmed down. He won't be the first to reach out to you to make things right, however. He'll wait for the wrong doer to apologize. He knows when he's in the wrong, and can act mature about apologizing, though it may hurt his pride.

Eyeless Jack- Hates when people don't listen even after countless reminders and warnings, also hates being called 'Eyeless' Jack. Despises that he's known for being a scary demon man that patches people up, despite being one of Slender's favorites, due to his convenient skill. His hearing is exceptional, and he can pick up on more things than an average human can. He will have to confront you if he hears you talking about him, bad mouthing or not. Doesn't allow certain people to return time after time to his infirmary, especially Jeff, Toby, and Jane. They often return multiple times a day, and he doesn't tolerate people abusing his kindness and dedication to his work.

Masky- Loud people or people who don't respect his boundaries. If someone is continuously being loud and obnoxious, he will lose his temper and begin to yell. A bad habit of his is throwing things or punching them. If he has reminded you at least once to be quiet or calm down and you haven't listened, he'll go off. Or, if you don't listen when he tells you to back up or stop touching him and you don't, he'll lose his temper, too. Doesn't like when people don't listen to him, really. That's mainly what it boils down to at the end of the day. God complex 🤷‍♂️ what can ya do about it? Also, weird thing, but he hates people who use the word 'like' in a sentence too much. (Ex. "And he, like, told me about what she said, and I was like🧍‍♂️! Can you believe that?) Lastly, he hates people that twirl their hair or play with it constantly. Finds it a sign of stupidity and incompetence. Thinks that women who do it are bimbos with no brains and men that do it are gay or stupid. (I'm sorry)

Hoodie- Doesn't like being treated like a child or with condescension. He is a grown man and expects you to treat him like one. Or if you demean him and try to gaslight him into believing he's in the wrong. Has the patience of a saint and will make sure he's in the right before confronting you. Does not tolerate him or his friends being insulted or demeaned. Will confront you if you try to manipulate or gaslight anyone, whether he's close with them or not.

Bloody Painter- If you bother him while he's painting or cooking, he'll remind/warn you to leave him be. If that doesn't work, he'll shove you away, but not hard enough to leave a mark or make you fall, just a slight warning. If you bother him again, he'll grab you and force you out of the room by your wrist, shoulder, or upper arm. Doesn't deal with constant interruptions or irritation. Doesn't often yell but will deprive you of entertainment or distractions. Occasionally, he will deprive you of food for hours to up to a day and a half.

Laughing Jack- Being disrespected or walked on. Though he might be malicious and hundreds of years old, he doesn't like being treated like he's below anyone, especially someone who he finds below him, like a human being. He will quickly put you in your place, seeing as you can do nothing about it, considering his size and strength. He views himself as something of a God or something to be worshipped. Looks down on those he views below him.

HABIT- People who disobey him. He also looks down on everyone, but he will actively make sure you are obeying his orders. Do not disobey him. You will die. He doesn't tolerate disrespect or questioning. He expects nothing but loyalty and devotion to him and his goals, and if you aren't willing to provide that, then he'll find someone who is. You are disposable and easy to replace in his eyes, and when you don't act as such, he will put you in your place. Don't cross him.

Slenderman- He, much like Habit and LJ, sees himself above you, because he is. He is an eldritch, all-powerful being who will not hesitate to kill you the second you disrespect him, seeing as he can find anyone to take your place. You are something to toy with and use for entertainment and selfish purposes. You are going to know your place, whether he has to teach you, or someone else. Just obey. Simple as that.

#slenderman #creepypasta #fanfic #fanfiction #head canons #headcanons #slender man #ticci toby #jeff the killer #creepypasta fanfiction #bloody painter headcanons #bloody painter #helen otis headcanons #helen otis #jeff t.k #jeffrey woods #jeffery woods #ben drowned hc #ben drowned head canons #ben drowned headcanons #ben drowned #eyeless jack #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta eyeless jack #creepypasta ej #hoodie #masky #tim wright mh #mh tim wright #mh tim

[here4kpopfics]

Make My Day | MYG

Just a small thing based off a real life moment that just makes me 🤗 no smut no plot not really anything to warn about. yoonmin version on my ao3

~

Today was a day. Working in retail is and always will be physically and emotionally draining and every shift has you questioning why, only to be reminded by the never ending alerts from your bank account of the answer.

Just a few more years, your debts will hopefully be less and you can move somewhere else in the middle of nowhere and never have to use your fake customer service voice again.

That’s the dream.

But for now, you’re minding your business, have barely spoken a word to your managers or coworkers because you’re tired after a six day workweek with hours varying between six and ten hours a shift, and you’re just done.

The few customers you did take, were complete assholes. Whether it’s bitching about the return policy, complaining about lack of discounts, or just ranting about the line that shouldn’t have been thirty minutes long (it was five to ten maximum, but go off, Karen), they all had something to say to test you and your patience.

Luckily, you’ve worked in retail for far too long that the yelling and the cursing and the name calling do absolutely nothing to you anymore. If anything, it makes you giggle internally. Except that one time you accidentally laughed out loud and that set off a whole new tirade about being disrespectful to the old white guy that was calling your younger coworker incompetent trash.

Because you know, it’s not the same thing. It’s different.

So you stayed quiet for a vast majority of your shift, letting your coworkers handle customers and you handled the go backs, organizing and reticketing those that needed it. You didn’t even notice Yoongi coming up to your station until you turned around, jumping in place and almost shouting.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Yoongi. Don’t do that!” You whispered, always afraid a customer would hear you curse and another tantrum would be thrown.

“I said your name.”

“Well, I didn't hear it.”

“I said it like three times.”

“Liar.”

“You can’t prove that.”

You couldn’t even look at him or bring yourself to continue arguing. You just roll your eyes and go back to your go backs, ignoring him. You have to ignore him.

You’ve had a small crush on Yoongi for a few months now. He’s sweet, funny when he wants to be, soft spoken, his long hair usually up in a half ponytail. He’s beautiful. It doesn’t help that he loves to loiter around your station, bothering you with random questions and comments.

It also doesn’t help that he's in a very serious relationship and has been for years. So he’s strictly off limits.

But there’s nothing wrong with a little friendly flirting, right? As long as you don’t act on it. As long as he doesn’t act on it.

So you keep your space, both of you talking only while clocked in, and keeping the conversations as vague as can be. You will not be responsible for any breakups. You will just admire him from a distance.

Yoongi doesn’t seem to know about this, though.

“You good?” Yoongi speaks after a moment of silence.

“Mmm.” You hum, nodding, eyes glued to the clothes you’re reticketing.

“You don’t seem good.”

“I can’t always have a sunshine personality, Yoongi. That’s not me.”

“Fair.” He shrugs, grabbing the go backs you’ve deemed ready and taking them to the fitting room to be sorted. You sigh, wanting to curl up under the tables and hide until closing.

You go to break later, quickly inhaling something overpriced from the vending machine and a lemonade, before returning to your station.

That’s when you see it.

It’s ugly, honestly. An almost cropped jacket that is Barbie pink and fuzzy. The price tag makes you want to throw up. This jacket should not be in the three digit range. Absolutely not. It’s hideous.

It’d look stunning on Yoongi, though.

You look around, there’s probably one or two people in line, but there’s more than enough coverage from your coworkers to handle the front of the store. You grab the hideous jacket, heading straight to the fitting room where you know Yoongi is hiding from customers.

When you turn the corner into the employee only area, he’s hiding in his usual corner, just out of sight of the camera back there and on his phone. When he looks up to see you come in, he smiles, putting his phone away.

“You need another rack? Didn’t we just switch them?” Your other coworker, Miyeon, questions and you’re quick to shake your head.

“Nope.” You look at Yoongi, holding out the pink monstrosity, “I need you to make my day better and put this on for me.” It’s half a second before anxiety creeps in that he’d call you weird and say no.

But he’s admitted before to trying on women’s clothing back here when there’s no customers, doing full on fashion shows in designer dresses with the rest of the floor team.

He’s even shown you pictures that made you fight the urge to zoom in on his butt and comment.

Which is why he happily takes the jacket from you, slipping it on in an instant and putting his hair down for extra dramatic effect.

“How’s it look?” He grins, doing various dramatic fashion poses for you.

“Absolutely stunning on you, ugly as hell on a hanger.” Miyeon replies, making you hum in agreement.

“I make everything look good.”

“Oh, shut up.” You roll your eyes again, unable to hide the smile he’s caused.

“Anything else? Heels? A dress?”

“You two are weird” Miyeon rolls her eyes with a smirk. Her eyes catch onto the little television screen above the racks of clothing that shows the front of the fitting room. A couple people approach the front, and Miyeon sighs, leaving you both to tend to them.

You watch her interaction with the customers, the slow dread feeling from earlier settling back in.

“You sure you’re okay, y/n?”

Your eyes drop to the floor, taking a deep breath before looking back up at him.

Yoongi is so pretty. His smile is adorable and comforting.

“Just a shit week. I’ll be okay. Thanks for putting on the jacket.”

“You’re welcome.”

You give a small smile back, turning to leave when Miyeon returns.

And that’s the extent of your interaction that night.

But, of course, it doesn’t always just end there. You don’t see him again for three days, schedules always being misaligned. But when you do, he’s stepping out of the fitting room in line of sight from your work area, pink fuzzy jacket on and a stupid grin to go with it, posing like an idiot to make you laugh.

#kelly posts #not gonna tag the networks bc I don’t care about this #min Yoongi #yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi fic #yoongi slice of life #idk #it’s nonsense

[christinesficrecs]

hi christine! hope you're well. I was wondering if you knew any fics where Stiles thinks Derek doesn't like him but is actually in love with him? Or if you had a tag for it, could you direct me to it? I looked at your tag page and didn't see it but I definitely could've looked over it. Thank you so much!

Sure! You could also try the enemies to lovers tag.

Landslide by reillyblack | 25.5K | Mature

Beautiful? Check. Dismissive? Check. Hated him? Double check.

Stiles was doomed to develop a crush of epic proportions.

The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me (Is You) by distortedreality | 17.9K | Explicit

Derek is fairly certain the new kid is either an incubus or a witch. Turns out he’s actually his mate. Stiles is 98% certain the brooding guy in the leather jacket is fantasizing about stringing him up by his intestines. Turns out he’s also wrong.

A Wild Heart's Desire by mikkimouse | 13.4K

If there's one thing Stiles Stilinski knows, it's that Deputy Derek Hale absolutely Does Not Like him. The only reason Derek even tolerates him is because their kids are worryingly codependent.

So Stiles is understandably confused when a very feral Derek shows up in his backyard after a call gone wrong and proceeds to move in with him.

Between the Drinks and Subtle Things by yodasyoyo | 4.4K

He holds up his free hand, eyes still closed. “One second,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’m just taking a moment to mourn the fact that we could have been fucking since–” He cracks open an eye and glares at Derek.

“Freshman year,” Derek supplies. “I’ve pretty much had the biggest crush on you since our freshman year.”

erroneous manoeuvres by slippingfromreality | 5.3K

“Hey, Stilinski!”

Stiles clenches his teeth. “What do you want, Hale?” he shouts back, not bothering to turn around. The smug smirk that’s most likely waiting for him is already seared into his mind from overexposure.

“A date!” the answer comes, still as loud, and most of the bystanders giggle or snort in Stiles’ direction.

Stiles rolls his eyes. This is the third time this week. He’d complain that Hale’s jokes are getting pretty stale, but he’d probably be milking this situation for all that it’s worth, too, if their roles were reversed. “Wrong aisle,” he grouses back, “try the bakery section. I hear they have fresh tarts.”

Fireman Derek's Crazy Pie [Cheeseburger Baby] by owlpostagain | 17.6K

“He can't blame me for the fact that I live in a building full of people united in the singular effort to ogle Hot Fireman as often as humanly possible."

Laura laughs, loud and echoing in the empty restaurant.

"Hot firemen can make a girl do crazy things," she agrees, nodding towards her brother's name on the menu. "Derek won't let me date anyone from his company, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the eye candy."

"Send them my way," Stiles suggests, finally loading up a forkful of pie. "Apparently I'm incompetent enough that I need to be babysat at all times, because it would be cheaper than dispatching a truck every time I try to use a kitchen appliance."

Broken Nose | 3K

Stiles is convinced that Jock-y Derek Hale hates him. It takes an accidental injury at the beach to turn that all upside down.

Laying Groundwork by 10.9K | Explicit

The one where Scott and Stiles go clubbing and there's this broody Bouncer out to get Stiles-

Or get into his pants. Thank God it's the latter.

#asks #sterek fics #ficrecs #dramaticvhs #oblivious!stiles #misunderstandings

[ravenbloodshot]

Hyunjin- Stray Kids...Insecurities vs. Confidences Reading

Insecurities

He may fear appearing stupid or childish in front large crowds of people. (I'm seeing some public speaking anxieties, quite an debilitating fear for a celebrity). I'm also seeing like a fear of seeming incompetent especially in front of prominent ppl(rich folks) or even girls that he's interested in. He could be insecure about not appearing manly, not having a masculine enough aura. This could especially bother him when it comes to people calling him pretty, referring to him as a pretty boy when he wants to be seen as a sexy zaddy type of man

A lot of his insecurities stem from how to act with the opposite sex and dealing with women romantically. He may want to act like the kdrama male lead but fears that she'll only see him as second lead material. He fears his romantic abilities just in general, like insecure about if he's good at kissing, touching, flirting etc....

Yeah guys. He has a big public speaking fear/anxiety, he may even become tongue tied a lot and would become very angry with himself if he stumbles over his words if he was giving like an award speech. He can be very insecure about the way he talks, his grammar and always worries about if he's saying the right thing or not.

He can be very self conscious in social settings. I can see him being very shy and hesitant interacting with seonbaenims (reminds me of when years ago Stray Kids met up with got7 members Jay b + Jinyoung and how shy and low key scared Hyunjin looked). In settings where he's working with more established ppl in the industry he can begin to question how worthy he is to be working with them

Confidences

He's confident in his ability to flirt and make fangirls falk for him (quite interesting how insecure he is about getting girls he likes to like him but becomes the most confident man in the world when attracting fangirls). It's like he knows that fangirls would give their last just to get his attention and he's confident in gaining that attention/love. He knows he has what it takes to be attractive as an idol (he may low-key think stays are easy to please)

He's confident about taking of others especially children or just people younger than him. He knows how to be sweet and compassionate so he's sure of himself in situations where he has to play caretaker/healer. (Pisces vibes, giving captain save a hoe vibes).

He could be uncomfortable around people that are angry with him, ppl that don't like him. But he could become more confident when those people make up with him or just begin warming up to him (problem with this is he can be blind to a lot of fake love just because he rather not deal with the harsh reality that some people just don't like him and may wish bad on him).

He's confident in his power of persuasion, attracting people to him and being on his side. I do see he has a fighting spirit but he could just be more of a lover than a fighter. So, he plays nice with people to calm them down and get them to like him (like the saying 'you get more flies with honey than with vinegar' or however the saying goes)

I'm seeing that he could be pretty good at games. Playing video games, sports etc... he can becomes very competitive in that setting (he probably was pretty serious about events like ISAC, became very cocky and passionate).

#kpop readings #kpop #kpop tarot #stray kids #hyunjin #hyunjin stray kids #pisces sun #stray kids tarot

[underworld-park-offical]

TWEEK: Ugh

TWEEK: Fuck

TWEEK: Of course he wanted to meet me HERE of all places

TWEEK: Big spooky forest were he could potentially mug and murder me

TWEEK: Great

TWEEK: Fucking

TWEEK: Fantastic

TWEEK: HEY!!

TWEEK: GET OUTTA HERE OMINOUS FIGURE!!

TWEEK: YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PUDDIN!!

???:  ╤ ╝╤: …

TWEEK: YEAH YOU!!! I'M TALKING TO YOU!!

TWEEK: GET LOST!! TWEEK: I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PUDDIN!! TWEEK: FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!

TWEEK: Whuh-

TWEEK: Oh

TWEEK: There  you are 

PIP: Yeah, I'm here  bitch

TWEEK: Why did you wanna meet me here anyway?

TWEEK: You want to fucking kill me or something?

PIP: No?

TWEEK: Oh what a surprise

PIP: Shut the fuck up PIP: Get over here PIP: I don't want to be seen getting shouted at by a deformed looking sewer rat

TWEEK: Rude…

TWEEK: Alright fine

TWEEK: I'm coming you fucking brit..

PIP: I hope you die tripping over a stick on your way over

TWEEK: Why do you hate us so much?

PIP: Pardon?

TWEEK: Don’t act dumb!

TWEEK: All you’ve done since you’ve gotten to Hell was bitch at and berate us!

TWEEK: And STOP walking around with all your demon shit! 

TWEEK: YOU’RE GONNA GET US KILLED!

PIP: We can't die, moron

PIP: Didn't you say that to Thomas already?

TWEEK: …

TWEEK: Estella's safety psas fucked me up worse than I thought

PIP: Anywhom

PIP: I wanted to meet up with you for a one on one 

TWEEK: A what

PIP: A one on one

PIP: Where we just

PIP: Talk?

PIP: Have you never  had a one to one conversation with someone before you sentient block of fermented cheese?

TWEEK: No?

TWEEK: And also

TWEEK: Don’t call me that

PIP: You smell of shitstain and dogwater 

PIP: Have you been hanging out with Clyde?

TWEEK: What?

TWEEK: NO!

PIP: Don’t act with me

PIP: I can smell him from a mile away

PIP: Please don't say you're catching feelings for that tone deaf scene kid uncle fucker

TWEEK: I…

TWEEK: I mean…

TWEEK: Maybe a little?

PIP: Ohhhh lord, see me through this

TWEEK: His nightcore playlist is actually really good!!

PIP: He doesn't wipe his ASS. TWEEK.

TWEEK: It's not that big of a deal!

PIP: YES IT IS!

TWEEK: He’s really sweet..

TWEEK: I can excuse an unclean ass

PIP: I'm going to vomit all over your jacket, that is disgusting.

TWEEK: He really isn't as bad as people say he is!

PIP: He is an unwashed manchild

PIP: And it's rubbing off on you  too

PIP: God, I can smell the fact your music taste has worsened

PIP: ( sniff sniff  )  Nope

PIP: That's just fermented pudding on your head

TWEEK: I like puddin :D 

PIP: Come on

TWEEK: What?

TWEEK: Where are we going???

PIP: To the laundromat

PIP: The laundromat

PIP: So we can wash the fucking stench of nightcore and cringe off of you

PIP: Come now

PIP: We can’t bring you back to the others smelling like a gamer stuck to their sofa

TWEEK: I don't understand…

TWEEK: What even is a laundro… laun…. laundre….. laun….

TWEEK: AGHHH!!

TWEEK: WHATEVER YOU SAID!!!

PIP: Laundromat you poor

PIP: Stinky

PIP: Stupid

PIP: Summer child

TWEEK: ????

PIP: It's a place where you wash your nasty clothes

TWEEK: What???

TWEEK: You can just???

TWEEK: DO THAT???

PIP: Yes, yes, my dumpster dwelling nuisance, you can do that!

TWEEK: UNHOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME!

TWEEK: I CAN JUST LIKE

TWEEK: THROW MY CLOTHES IN THERE??? TWEEK: AND THEY COME OUT CLEAN???

PIP: Not exactly…

PIP: You have to put them into a machine

PIP: The machines do all the work FOR you

PIP: Because, well, 

PIP: Most are too incompetent to do something as simple as washing their clothes

TWEEK: WOAHHH

TWEEK: UNHOLY

TWEEK: TAKE ME INTO THE LAUNDRY MATE RIGHT NOW

PIP: ….

PIP: The

PIP: …

PIP: The what ?

TWEEK: The

TWEEK: The laundry mate

PIP: That

PIP: No

PIP: That's not what it's called

PIP: It's laundromat

PIP: Say it with me

PIP: Laun

TWEEK: Laun

PIP: Dro

TWEEK: Dro

PIP: Mat

TWEEK: Mat

PIP: Okay, now say it faster

PIP: Laun

TWEEK: Laun

PIP: Dro

TWEEK: Dro

PIP: Mat

TWEEK: Mat

PIP: Laundromat!

TWEEK: Lawn dre mat!

PIP: …

PIP: Why do I even bother

TWEEK: What?? What did I say??

PIP: I swear to god Tweek, when we get inside that fucking laundromat I will shove you into the fucking washing machine and watch you DROWN

TWEEK: What?

PIP: You heard me you incompetent fucking POKÉMON 

PIP: Come here. Now.

TWEEK: Eeeeeehhhhh

TWEEK: Eeeeeggehhhh

TWEEK: Eeegrrrhhghhh

TWEEK: ….

TWEEK: Do I get 

TWEEK: …

TWEEK: Do…

TWEEK: Do I…

TWEEK: Do I get a…

TWEEK: Do I get a puddin’ out of it?

PIP: …

PIP: Are you

PIP: SHITTING ME??

PIP: ….

PIP: Of course!

TWEEK: Really???

TWEEK: I get a puddin’???

PIP: No.

TWEEK: Awhhh… 

PIP: I'll shove your corpse into the dryer when i'm done with it

TWEEK: ….What did you say?

PIP: I will watch you cough up fucking bubbles

PIP: You get no pudding

PIP: I hope you die

TWEEK: ( Crying )

PIP: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BAKUGOU CLONE

TWEEK: ( Uglier crying ) PIP: UGHHHH

PIP: FIIIIIINE PIP: I'LL GET YOU YOUR FUCKING PUDDING AT DENNY'S PIP: WILL YOU STOP CRYING NOW?!?!?

TWEEK: ( Gasp )

TWEEK: YAY!! PUDDIN!!

PIP: You can even dumpster dive for it like the rat  you are

TWEEK: YIPPIEEE!!

(Edits by @pissblanket)

#craig tucker #craigfluencer #hellpark #south park #south park edits #sp #southpark #underworld park #underworld park tweek #underworld park pip #underworld park clyde #underworld park tolkien #underworld park stan #underworld park kyle #underworld park gregory #underworld park estella #underworld park red #underworld park bebe #underworld park kenny #underworld park wendy #underworld park nichole #underworld park craig #gregory cute pie 3rd #team gregory cutie pie 3rd #gregory cutie pie vrs craig the real tucker

[tastybluesprite]

Ok to cry (rottmnt)

I’ve been dealing with some personal emotional and mental problems of my own, so here’s me projecting onto my comfort characters lol. Enjoy! :D

Warning: Nothing really but minor spoilers from the rottmnt movie and loads and loads of fluff

Summery: Mike tries to help Donnie work through his emotions

Mikey was worried about Donnie. He’d been in the lab all week. Only seeing him for breakfast and dinner. It had been weeks since the Kraang invasion, and ever since he’s been nowhere but in the lab. He knew that he had to check on him and make sure everything was ok, because that’s just what brothers do.

He knocked on the door, which was met with a silence in reply. Donnie’s done that before. Usually he would be to far gone into his work that he’d completely shut out the outside world. Mikey knocked again, this time met with an angry yell, “GO AWAY!”

“Hey Donnie?” Mikey called gently as he opened the door. Donnie turned his head around to see his orange branded little brother in his sight.

“Oh it’s just you Mikey.” He said as he turned back to his project, though he still seemed upset. Yep, Mikey thought, something was definitely wrong.

“Donnie… are you doing ok?” Mikey asked tentatively.

Donnie rolled his eyes. “Yes Angelo I am perfectly ok.”

Mikey threw the back of his head a skeptical look and grabbed a stray near by lab chair to sit next to him. “Are you sure? You’ve been in here for days! While that isn’t uncommon to see you lock yourself up in here for long periods of time, this is overkill! You look stressed!”

“I can’t! And I am NOT stressed!” Donnie shot back. Mikey threw another skeptical look, this time right in his face so he’d see it.

Donnie sighed. “Ok… fine. Yes I am maybe, a little bit stressed out. But I just can’t work out this damn thing! It’s like it’s taunting me! Am I just not smart enough to get this? Is there someone out there who can do it better and faster than I can?”

When Donnie finished his rant, Mikey gave him an understanding smile. “You know Donnie… have you ever thought maybe you just needed to cry?”

Donnie could’ve laughed if he wasn’t feeling so worked up at the moment. He raised an eyebrow. “Cry? Really? Yeah… no thanks. Donnie doesn’t ‘cry.’ Only incompetent little children do that. Not me. As I think you’ve noticed, I am not an incompetent little child.”

“But Donnie, you as a scientist should know that crying is very healthy and cleansing for the body. And you should also know it’s unhealthy to suppress any emotions!”

Donnie rolled his eyes, “Angelo, yes I understand the science of crying and how it works. The only times crying is truly appropriate is if you are injured or lost a loved one.”

“That’s not true! People cry to relive pain or stress! Something that YOU should do! I can see it in your eyes that you are stressed and in pain. And I KNOW something is bothering you! You just need to let it out or else it will only get worse!” Mikey explained.

Donnie didn’t quite know what to say. In truth, he HAD been feeling terrible. He felt at fault for Leo getting trapped, and for Raph getting kidnapped. Was his tech not good enough? Was he unfit to be with the team? Was he truly just an incompetent child?

As he mulled all of this over, he began to feel fresh, wet, hot tears forming in his eyes. His vision was blurred and he was shaking, but he could feel arms pulling him in for a hug. He usually didn’t like being touched or smothered by people, but at the moment, he couldn’t help but feel himself attract to the comfort. He began to sob as he buried his face into Mikey’s neck.

He felt himself being soothed by Mikey’s soft hushing noises, and by his fingers gliding softly up and down his shoulders.

Soon he felt himself calming down, with the sobs having stopped. It was a long time later that Donnie finally came up from Mikey’s embrace. He took a deep breath and wiped as much of the excess moisture from his face.

“How do you feel now?” Mikey asked softly with an encouraging smile.

Donnie looked at the floor nervously. “I-I don’t know. I guess a little embarrassed… but maybe I do feel a bit calmer.”

Mikey gave a small laugh. “You don’t need to be embarrassed! Crying is a totally normal thing to do! And like I said, it’s totally a healthy thing to do also! It’s the best reset when your brain isn’t doing what you want it to do.”

To that Donnie gave a tiny smile of his own. “Y-Yeah. I guess you were right. Maybe I just needed a reset.”

“There you go!” Mikey said happily. He gave one last light pat to Donnie as he went headed towards the door. “I’ll let you go back to your work now. Maybe now you’ll be able to figure it out!”

“Yeah, maybe.” Donnie said, looking back at his work, feeling a lot more confident about it. “Oh, and Mikey?”

Mikey turned, “what?”

“Thank you.” He gave a bigger smile than before. Mikey smiled back, “Anytime Dee!”

Donnie didn’t know what he did to deserve such an amazing little brother.

#sprite🥤 #fanfiction #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #donatello #michelangelo #rise donnie #rise mikey #donnie #mikey #donnie and mikey #b team #I love these two #light angst #hurt/comfort #fluff #tmnt fluff #rottmnt fluff #tmnt angst #rottmnt angst

[smokestarrules]

I’ve thought a lot about how Kikimora absolutely gave Lilith permission to call her Kiki, because she isn’t scared of Lilith and there’s no way she’d let Lilith call her that if she didn’t want her to. And also about how of the people who canonically regularly call Kikimora that, Lilith’s the only one Kikimora isn’t afraid of. (Unfortunately for me I’m obsessed with them and I know full well that I’m probably going to get nothing in the finale.) But do you have any thoughts on them?

I didn't until now! But when I do think about it, there's definitely something there, especially if you bring Philip into the mix. So basically what you have there is:

The Emperor, who is a) a human pretending to be a witch b) pretending to be looking out for them all and c) pretending to respect and/or need both Lilith and Kikimora. He knows he can't hurt Lilith because she shows up in his past and helps him and so he keeps her close. He hates her, by the way. That's why he keeps her around. He hates her so much because I think he's a little bit scared of her. Lilith, who scarred him for life. He loathes her. Kikimora, though, he hardly has any feelings about at all. She's useful. That's it.

On the other hand there's Kikimora herself: she knows more about Philip than anyone else, and she prides herself on that. She thinks she's irreplaceable. She doesn't know why he keeps Lilith around, because she's incompetent. But she puts up with her. She hates her, too. She knows Philip hates her and so Kikimora hates Lilith, more than the rest. She's not scared of her in the slightest, because Lilith is Lilith and in Kiki's eyes, Lilith has no earned any of what she's gotten.

Then there's Lilith. She's... well, she's not doing too much. She has no idea the Emperor hates her. She knows Kikimora does, but Kikimora hates everyone, so it doesn't really bother her on a personal level. She thinks she was chosen to be the leader of the Emperor's Coven because of her talent. She thinks the Emperor's Coven appreciates her. She thinks the Emperor will heal her sister, will right the wrong that Lilith committed.

She has no idea.

#I feel like this kinda went off track and I apologize but. there u have it #I fucking love lilith so much she's such a loser #toh #the owl house #philip wittebane #emperor belos #kikimora #lilith clawthorne #smokey answers #anonymous

[beevean]

Idk it’s actually almost hilarious that they made Dracula in Netflixvania just… Some guy

You could argue that the show ‘tried’ to showcase him as an extremely intelligent and powerful being but if you remove the part where he’s old and has a house that moves and he’s literally no different than any other vampire so all that build up was for absolutely fucking nothing. In Netflixvania vampires ruling large sectors of land isn’t special [Especially when Camilla says something about her being a regional ruler like that’s borderline insignificant], vampires having supernatural powers isn’t special, vampires being intelligent beyond their era isn’t special. Dracula isn’t special.

I’m not sure if they just missed the point of his character that badly or if they genuinely didn’t know how to make him a cruel, obsessive, vengeful monster AND a merciful, loving, compassionate father and husband even though those two aspects of his character are so intrinsically linked they can’t be separated.

They tried making him a father and husband and they tried making him a monster but for one reason or another they couldn’t do both so his entire character was watered down at best

Dracula lost all dignity the moment Carmilla #girlbossed into the throne room:

Look at him. He can't even tell his own court to be silent. Maybe you should try to raise your voice, genius?

And then there's Carmilla. She literally stands there, smug as hell, and her very first course of action is to blame Dracula for moving the castle around, insult his generals for being incompetent and in disarray, and oh, question him in front of everyone why didn't he just turn Lisa? What, did he like having a pet? Like, the sheer amount of blatant, brazen disrespect!

(I also misremembered Carmilla's line. I thought the implication was "well, had you turned her, she would still be alive". No, she just deadass calls Lisa his pet. In front of him.)

... Dracula does nothing to her.

Oh, he pretends to be furious, red eyes and all. But he only asks her "why did you do that?" (after some personal smalltalk, may I add) and Carmilla is like "eh everyone is thinking the same thing, so I wanted to put you on the spot <3", and... nothing happens from here. He's like "welp, nothing I can do to her, she can rejoin the others".

Do I need to say what Dracula does to people who disrespect him?

And this is his prized General whom he needs. Not a random "regional ruler", one of many.

Also look at Carmilla's mannerisms in the second scene. She's like "yes?" with a cocked eyebrow and a hand on her hip, before shifting to a more respectful stance. She's lying out of her sparkly ass. This is as subtle as a taser to the balls.

I'm not impressed by Carmilla's manipulations when literally everyone around her is a giant, steaming idiot.

Also, another thing that bothers me. Dracula in S2 is frequently depicted in his... private quarters, I think? This room with the fireplace. And look at the framing:

Carmilla is standing above Dracula, who is slumped in a low, unassuming chair.

Framing matters to convey how important a character is. Observe:

Dracula in S2 is constantly put on the same level as his subordinates. This is made even more blatant in the scene where he asks Isaac if he's still his friend, where he sits next to him.

Dracula is not a ruler in S2, and it was done on purpose. He is portrayed as a depressed old man who only wants to die and take everyone else with him, and he has lost his mind so much that Carmilla can take the reins for herself. The OCs all sit around and talk about him as if he's a delusional idiot, looking down on him, and we're supposed to think they have a point because they are never challenged on it. This is the main villain of the franchise. The fucking FRANCHISE and SHOW are named after HIS DAMN CASTLE! He's kind of important!

Shankar talks as if he had the idea of turning Dracula into a tragic figure, but he did not. That has been a core part of his character since SoTN. And expanding on it would have worked fine! But they went way too far in that direction, and forgot that yes, Dracula is a grieving husband with a complicated relationship with his son, yes he can feel emotions... but he's also the fucking Dark Lord with the legions of Hell under his command, he can curse and possess and shapeshift and you do not fuck with him unless you're a Belmont or you have Dracula's own power by your side.

And as I said, the fact that Trevor can barely scratch this neutered version of Dracula only speaks poorly of him too.

#anti netflixvania #i hate carmilla too #smug ass bitch who is never set back and never proven wrong and never shows any side of her that isn't smug #she's boring and irritating and what little depth she could have is easily brushed aside #also yes she humiliates the villain i actually care about and that's a sin i can't stand #i hate ocs who shit on the canon villain #oh another thing that bothers me! #isaac in the show calls dracula just 'dracula' #bro. bro that's your lord. #isaac in ptr speaks in immaculate keigo when referring to him because he's fucking lord dracula and deserves respect :\

[archduchessofnowhere]

What was the opinion of the people who knew Empress Sissi? Thanks.

Hello anon! I’ll start by apologizing to you because it took me so long to answer not because this was a difficult question, but because it's easy to answer and this will turn ridiculously long since we have plenty of testimony of people who knew her.

Her husband emperor Franz Josef was probably her biggest admirer, and while I personally think their relationship is over-romanticed, that he deeply loved her is undeniable. He saw no fault in her and always called her his “angel”; and while he never understood her he did support her in (almost) all her projects. There are plenty of quotes that show his devotion towards his wife (even though his actions not always reflected that), but to me the most defining is one of the things that he allegedly said after hearing of Elisabeth's death: “Nobody will ever know how much I loved her”.

Archduchess Gisela’s feelings towards her mother remain a mystery, but we do have this letter she wrote after Elisabeth’s death that shows her grief, and I think is safe to say that she loved her, even if they weren't close. Rudolf 's feelings were more complicated. He loved his mother, in fact he idolized her, and felt deeply grateful towards her for having saved him from his abusive tutor. But he also longed for a closer relationship with her, which they never had, and this was a source of sorrow for him.

The child who's feeling we know the best is Valerie, who kept a diary throughout her life in which she often wrote about her mother. She loved Elisabeth, but she also found her love hard to bear, specially since she felt it kept her apart from her father, whom she also adored:

What I most wanted to do was fall at his feet and kiss his paternal imperial hands, even as I felt — God forgive me — a momentary anger at Mama since her unbridled love and exaggerated, groundless concern place me in such an embarrassing and false position.

After Rudolf's death Elisabeth fell into a deep depression, and Valerie felt the burden of being her mother's main emotional support.

My mother often causes me such anxiety. She is capable of everything great, yet incompetent in small things. Now that agitation has given place to the monotony of everyday life, and Papa at least appears outwardly the same and works as he always did, life seems to her oppressive and cheerless.

Elisabeth even said to her youngest daughter that she was the only reason why she still was alive, which greatly stressed Valerie, specially since her wedding was approaching. However, while deeply hurt, Elisabeth wanted nothing more than Valerie's happiness so she fully supported her decision to marry for love, and tried to bother her and her family as little as possible after she got married.

For all that’s been said about Archduchess Sophie disliking her daughter-in-law from the get-go, she in fact had nothing but praises for Sisi when the engagement was announced:

The little girl [Elisabeth]’s posture is so graceful, so modest, so irreproachable, so elegant, almost humble, when she dances with the emperor… She seemed to me so attractive, so childishly modest and yet completely at ease with him.

(...) But you can well imagine that my eyes are also busy looking at Sisi, and they rest with delight on this happy couple who love each other so much and in such a charming way; it is a feast for the eyes to see the happiness and harmony that radiates from them.

She also remarked many times how happy she felt, to the point of tears. While it’s true that Elisabeth later on remembered her mother-in-law with resentment, there's evidence to argue that the sentiment wasn't mutual, and that Sophie did felt love for her daughter-in-law, even if they clashed because of their differences.

Her ladies-in-waiting in general had a good relationship with her, some even forming real friendships with the empress. But they also found her hard to deal with, like one of her first ladies, Princess Helene of Thurn und Taxis, Countess Kinsky (not to be confused with Elisabeth’s sister Helene, Hereditary Princess of Thurn und Taxis). Princess Taxis wrote to a former lady-in-waiting when they returned to Vienna after Elisabeth’s flight to Madeira and Corfu in 1860:

I can only congratulate you, upon not having had to go through these two years of martyrdom with us. Now we are settled in Schönbrunn, and the thought that we are ‘settled for good somewhere’ seems quite strange. It was hard for her [Elisabeth] to give up her recent traveling about, and I quite understand this. When one has no inward peace, one imagines that it makes life easier to move about, and she has now grown too much accustomed to this. (…) I believe, indeed, that she has moments of despair, but nobody can laugh like her, or has such childlike whims. She says herself that it is not unpleasant to her to see us occasionally, but it is odious to her to have us in waiting…

The lady-in-waiting that left us the most “content” about the empress is Countess Maria Festetics, who entered her service in 1872 and became Elisabeth’s close confidant until the end of her life. Maria kept a detailed diary during her years in service, which is one of the main sources about the empress’ later life. In this diary she also wrote her impression’s on Elisabeth:

One never grows tired when one goes out with her. At her side it is delightful, and so it is behind her. Looking alone is enough. She is the embodiment of the idea of loveliness. At one time I will think that she is like a lily, then again like a swan, then I see a fairy-oh, no, a sprite-and finally-no! an empress! From the top of her head to the soles of her feet a royal woman!! In everything excellent and noble. And then I remember all the gossip, and I think there may be much envy in it. She is so enchantingly beautiful and charming.

But while the countess adored Elisabeth, she could be critical towards her too:

In ‘Her’ there is everything, but as in a disordered museum - pure treasures, which go unused. Nor does she know what to do with them.

Stephanie of Belgium also wrote a bit about her mother-in-law in her memoirs. This was her reaction when, according to her, Elisabeth asked her to replace her at fulfilling her official court duties:

Empress Elizabeth detested etiquette. She loved solitude, far from the pomp and ceremony of the Imperial Court. It was her purpose, she said, to withdraw from all such things. The duties of her official position had become slavery, a martyrdom! She had not, as a young girl, been educated for the high mission to which she was subsequently called. In her view, freedom was every one’s inalienable right! Her conception of life was a fairyland, free of all trouble and constraint.

The Viennese court took a dislikeness of Stephanie almost immediately, and Elisabeth was no exception. So the crown princess had her reasons to not have a very positive remembrance of her. According to Stephanie this is what happened when she spoke to Elisabeth after receiving the news of Rudolf's death:

At length I ventured to tell the Empress what, weeks before, I had tried to say to the Emperor. I spoke of Rudolf’s manner of life, his habits and customs, his associates, how completely his health had been disordered. The Empress, however, stubbornly closed her mind against these communications, and it was an additional distress to me to feel that she was turning away from me. In her eyes I was the guilty party. Though outwardly I remained calm, inwardly I was in a state of collapse.

From her extended family we have the very unreliable memoirs of Countess Marie Larisch, Elisabeth’s niece. She gives many long descriptions on how beautifully spellbinding she found her, but I'll just share this one:

She fascinated me and dominated my imagination, and, with her infinite tact, she gave me confidence in myself. Elizabeth was never then the Empress, she was the Aunt Cissi who seemed so understanding, and so completely in sympathy with me, that I would willingly have died for her.

This passage wrote many years after Larisch's fall out with the imperial family is likely an exaggeration, and yet I do believe that the young Baroness probably felt flattered for having the favor of her aunt and found her fascinating.

I could keep on but I'll leave it here since this post is already too long. I hope you found my answer helpful!

#empress elisabeth of austria #franz josef i of austria #archduchess marie valerie of austria #gisela of austria princess of bavaria #crown prince rudolf of austria #sophie of bavaria archduchess of austria #helene of thurn und taxis countess kinsky #countess maria festetics #marie von wallersee countess larisch #asks

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - CASINO ROYALE

IMDB BLURB: After earning 00 status and a license to kill, secret agent James Bond sets out on his first mission as 007. Bond must defeat a private banker funding terrorists in a high-stakes game of poker at Casino Royale, Montenegro.

WARNINGS: Violence (sorta), terrorism, nudity, CBT. No...really.

RATING: One randomly bleeding, asthmatic, chess prodigy Albanian with Mad poker skills.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: I get to go in blind again! I've never seen this because I don't really fuckin' enjoy Bond movies.

Biscuits: Me either, but we're watching one. Why are we doing this again?

M: Because you've got the hots for Mads Mikkelsen, I assume. This is only pg-13, why are we bothering?

B: I was gonna comment on that. It's not even really an action movie, it's just a movie where a guy goes to a poker game.

M: That's not very Bond, is it? Isn't he supposed to be like banging tons of women and blowing things up?

B: He does have sex with women for no reason, and I guess he does some other stuff. Mostly he seems like a chode who's incompetent at everything.

M: Movie starts all NOIR. I don't know what's happening. Bond is here and some other guy and I guess other guy is selling secrets. Wait, he's not even 007 yet??? What's the point??

B: He's about to get promoted. This is a flashback scene. Bond is played by Daniel Craig, who is a guy. Is he good looking? No. Is he a good actor? Eh...

M: I like Daniel Craig, just not really as James Bond. Would've made a great gay James Bond.

B: Listen, Bond HAS to be a straight white British guy or the world will fall apart. He should have been gay Bond. We have to face so much injustice in this world. I do really like the Bond credit sequence.

M: Oh Eva Green is in this? She's hot. The opening credits always look cool.

B: This movie isn't good but it's heavy on the aesthetic.

M: Is this Soundgarden? I hate soundgarden. Aesthetic can redeem a movie tho. See Coppola's Dracula. It's not great but it's DRIPPING with aesthetic.

B: Also I know this based on the novel of the same name. I don't care.

M: I didn't know they wrote novels! Do all Bond movies have novels??

B: Let's get the jokes out of the way! Bames Nond's having a stronk, call the Bondulance! And when I find the guy who James Bond burgered my sister! There, now I don't have to make them. If you want us to watch other Bond movies, fuck you.

M: I don't wanna watch other Bond movies, they're not really good. So now we're in....fucking somewhere....there's a war going on or something in Africa. There's a lot of people with guns. And like three white dudes and one of them is Mads, so who cares about the others.

B: For this movie, instead of making the villian some Russian super agent who kills people, Le Chiffre is a financier, so we gotta set up this whole complex process of him taking money from people and doing terrorism for...stonks? Why not just a bad guy who kills people?

M: Because! Capitalism is the most evil. Bottom text. He's got a cool eye scar thing going on. I love the evil stock market thing.

B: Evil stonks! That's his whole thing, and Bond has to defeat this guy by beating him at a poker game!

M: That's...impressively lame. I guess we're in Madagascar now with some other dudes who are doing secret agent things but not very well because they just got caught. Bond is just standing there while this other white dude is doing all the work. Is he training him?

B: They're going after this bomb maker guy. Secret agent stuff, dude.

M: How silly of me. A rousing chase scene ensues. Bond suddenly has a fucking industrial plow but this guy knows PARKOUR and he is scaling the building frame in record time. Bond also knows parkour. Now something exploded.

B: I think Bond gets this guy killed.

M: Three other dudes have already died falling off the trellis.

B: That's what I'm saying! He's not a very good secret agent! Why isn't Bond chasing this guy, why is his friend Virgil or whoever chasing him. I don't know if that's his name, I literally just made it up.

M: It is now! Bond is here now and he's gonna chase this guy off a ten mile high building rig cos that's how secret agents do. Isn't this kind of high profile violence for a secret agent? Oh parkour guy is fine, he knows how to tuck and roll. Ow. Bond is definitely not okay but really he is. YOU CAN'T JUST DO A FUCKING 40 FOOT DROP AND BE FINE.

B: Bond has broken like every bone in his body by now and he just busted through a piece of DRYWALL.

M: Aren't they getting tired? This has been like 10 minutes of constant fighting and running and parkour.

B: Uganda's first action movie! Parkour guy set off an alarm and now there's bad guys everywhere and guns.

M: Bond gets hit by exactly zero of the 900000 bullets being fired by the 50 assault rifles. Now he's holding Parkour guy hostage but not really. He lets him go as a fake and then BLOWS UP 30 PEOPLE.

B: James Bond's war crimes, the movie. You could make an entire movie of those.

M: Why do they have 80 year old Nokia phones?

B: This film came out in 2006 so....

M: Back to the Bad guy! French Mads is having dinner with some randos.

B: Blood comes out of his eyeball sometimes.

M: WHY

B: To make him look cooler and more evil. He's really good at math, that's his evil superpower. Statistics.

M: British agent kills unarmed prisoner reads headline. AND 30 OTHER PEOPLE.

B: Mads is looking at this like - this guy sucks at his job. Oh yeah Judi Dench is here.

M: I don’t know how.

B: She was in some bad movies, okay. She was in CATS.

M: Don't make me remember that. She deserves better. Bond is doing some secret agent shit with some fucking computers that seem way too advanced for a world with the old brick Nokias.

Hacking photosynthesis.

B: Geolocating, triangulating. You think the government would have this kind of technology? They can't even afford printers. If there's one lesson life has taught me, it's that the government is incompetent.

M: H ( who is actually M being played by Judi Dench but Munch is dumb )  is kinda pissed about the rampage of death. Bond is awfully sassy for someone who sucks this much at his job.

B: H tells Bond that he's arrogant and shitty and shouldn't be so egotistical,  and he never learns this lesson. He's still arrogant at the end of the movie!

M: That's like the whole Bond thing tho, that he's this verr macho macho man who doesn't need oversight because he's so BADASS except this Bond sucks at being a secret agent.

B: Bond is doing something, he's very cool. He's got GPS.

M: Where the fuck is Q? Doesn't Bond need gadgets and shit??

B: Later. Did I tell you this movie is really boring?

M: No. Bond is tying his shoes and getting the lay the of the land for a long time, which does not at all look suspicious.

B: He's also bad at parking a car. He might have done that on purpose.

M: Just to be an asshole?

B: That guy thought he was the valet.

M: So he destroys his car?

B: You saw what he did to other shit! Bond immediately begins snooping.

M: What even is his mission right now? Watch dvds?

B: He's...secret....I don't know...looking to find some clue? Hang the fuck on, I just got a fucking email from 8TRACKS telling me someone liked my playlist!??! What the hell???

M: Who the hell has an 8tracks account in this year of our lord, 2023???

B: I forgot I did!

James Bond on his Nokia liking my 8tracks Fallout playlist I made in 2014.

M: You and this one other guy apparently. Bond is doing really boring shit. I don't even care. He's getting a hotel room. Whoo. Later we shall bang, beautiful blonde woman at the counter. Bond goes swimming. This is so dull. A woman I assume to be Eva Green rides by on a white horse. No it is not Eva Green. Nevermind. Bond has hacked into H's account to look up criminal profiles on facebook. Le Chiffre, banker...accountant. EVIL GENIUS.

B: Some dudes are playing poker or something. Bond is gonna play. That's important. A hot woman appears. She is the woman from the horse earlier. Her boyfriend is a dick.

M: Bond is gonna gamble away all of H's retirement.

B: Bond is good at poker, but not really.

M: He's probably cheating. And eyeing up the girlfriend. He hasn't banged anyone yet so we gotta get that 13 into the pg-13 rating. Mr Bond is EXTREMELY forward. Hey I know you don't wanna piss off your boyfriend so how about coming back to my place with a man you just met for alcohol?? Biscuits has fucked off and left me. They're just gonna bang on the FLOOR?

B: Sex! James Bond is so cool. Why is she like giving him her life story? By the way this character only exists so Bond have sex with her. I guess he's trying to get information out of her?

M: With his penis?

B: This is spy business!

M: It's penis business, she's going down on him ffs. Or not, cue phone ringing. It's the husband/boyfriend. He's leaving so they can bang all night on the hard floor. Are we sure Bond's not gay? He seems really uninterested in this woman who is crawling all over him.

Hi honey, your voice sounds way deeper over the phone!

B: No he likes banging women, he's a cool guy.

M: When does the next fight scene happen? I'm bored. And out of booze. There's so many scenes of just...nothing happening. More poker is happening and Bond is getting caught by the husbando and they're having a very very boring knife fight where neither one really moves. And husband is stabbed but it's fine, nobody will notice.

B: He just stabs a guy in a museum because he's cool agent guy. Someone has taken the important evidence he was trying to get? But he figures it out by calling the cell phone.

M: How did he have this guy's number? From his wife? Now there's an airport. *yawns* A lot of walking around looking at things. Trying to find the guy who took his stuff. So he calls H and tells her he'll call her back. There might be a bomb.

B: *sits in silence for 10 minutes of these guys walking around doing nothing* Oh yeah...terrorism I guess? That should be the movie summary.

M: Accurate. It's very slow paced terrorism but how exciting can you make evil stonks??

B: They're gonna blow up a plane to tank the stonks and Bond's gotta stop it but he DOESN'T because spoiler alert, he's bad at his job!

M: *sits in silence for another 10 minutes of nothing really exciting happening while Bond doesn't do his job* I guess if I found like...car chases really thrilling...

B: I don't dislike action movie per se, I've discovered, there's some I actually like!

M: There's nothing wrong with some good cheesy action but this is taking itself waaaaaaay too seriously. It's so fucking overwrought. Like....move the fuck on with your action sequence. We all have lives to get back to.

B: The virgin Jame Bond vs the chad John Wick. What's happening? Oh yeah...epic action. SUPA ACTION!

ON IS THE MOVIE!

M: I'd rather be watching Who Killed Captain Alex.

B: That's a masterpiece of cinema so it's not really fair to compare this movie to it.

M: That's true. I like Daniel Craig but baby doll....you can do so much better than this. Let some other boneheaded guy play Bond. Oh I guess Bond's getting arrested.

B: They think he just did terrorism.

M: Meanwhile the other bad guy is blowing up the plane....and himself because Bond...planted a thing on him??

B: Le Chiffre uses an inhaler. I'm really scared of this old accountant with an inhaler. This is your bad guy. This is the guy your government is going after. And that girl Bond was fuckin' is fuckin' dead now.

M: Why is she like...dead on H's lawn???

B: They’re at the hotel I think. H is like...this is all your fault.

M: It IS tho. Le Chiffre is an Albanian chess prodigy accountant to terrorists and he has asthma. He is already like 100 times more interesting than Bond. I wanna know more about this fucking guy. H and Bond have a rousing discussion about stonks.

B: Le Chiffre's biggest crime...insider trading. Btw, you gotta go beat this guy in a poker game to stop terrorism.

M: How...exactly is that gonna stop him?

B: H just explained it, when he loses all his money he's gonna be scared because the guys whose money he has are gonna come after him and then the government is gonna take him in because he knows stuff.

M: Why would Le Chiffre bet ALL HIS MONEY in a poker game???

B: He's...super arrogant. This is Vesper Lynd, our Bond girl.

M: Eva Green is so beautiful and she deserves better than this. So I guess they're just gonna get Bond into this poker game and he's gonna win because uh...he's secret agent guy.

B: Bond has to do some back and forth biting flirtation with her.

M: Bond is apparently also an armchair psychologist. Women love being psychoanalyzed. Gets them so hot.

B: She's right, he is a bastard. She's a good character because she keeps telling him no and he needs to hear that more. He's reckless, he's a danger to everyone around him and he sucks at his job. And half of this movie is just people playing poker. Cool, high energy spy shit.

M: It's not even that interesting when they do the spy shit.

B: He never stops trying to fuck her.

M: Bond apparently only likes married women.

B: Like I said, he's kind of a chode.

M: How did they arrange this game if Le Chiffre knows who Bond is? They were just like, hey we're gonna try and entrap you, you mind?

B: It was already going on and they inserted Bond into it.

M: But if Le Chiffre KNOWS who he is and where he's from then.....

B: Look...the plot makes perfect sense. It just does.

M: WE AREN'T EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH. What the fuck else is gonna build the action for another hour??? We're leading up to a poker game!

B: There is no action. Only poker. Oh yeah Mathis is a character, he's not that important. Bond tells Vesper she needs to look hot for spy reasons so she can distract the other players. Bond assumes MI6 doesn't know his measurements, even though they have a tracking chip in his arm.

M: Seems like a shitty decision for a secret agent to allow a tracking chip....but that's just me.  Are you serious about the poker game going on for an hour?? Oh my god. Oh Le Chiffre knows everything. So...okay.

B: This is important, this whole password thing. Sort of.

M: They get to make a password so they can wire the money anywhere in the world or some shit but...

B: It's just so they have an excuse for Le Chiffre not to kill Bond immediately later.

M: But no spoilers.

B: This is where Mads spends a lot of time smouldering.

M: Well...he's good at it. He's the most interesting thing in this movie anyway.

B: Sorry your back is tired from carrying this whole movie, king.

M: The last Craig Bond movie I saw was that one with Javier Bardem as the villian and he carried the entire movie too. They should just make Bond villian movies.

B: Bond was too busy looking at boobies to make a bet.

M: I too, have been distracted by Eva Green's boobs, and unfortunately for you, I guess we do not get to see Mads’ boobies.

B: We do not.

M: Meester Bohnd.

B: This shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but the dealer keeps taking the player's cards and mixing them back in with the cards on the table, which like?? Why would you do that, don’t do that.

M: No cheating here.

B: They assume the audience doesn't know anything about poker, which they probably don't, but...

M: We gotta take a break so Bond can assault Lynn as some way of pretending he knows that Le Chiffre is bluffing but he's wrong.

Just...something happen! Please!

B: He doesn't know shit, he doesn't know that Le Chiffre is bluffing and Matthus's entire role is to tell the audience things and I hate him. I just want two hours of Mads sitting at a poker table in a beautiful building looking angry. Bond plants a tracking mechanism in Le Chiffre's INHALER which is a little ableist, I gotta tell you.

M: It's kinda fucked up. But then....I don't know why they don't just...kill him and instead decided to risk everything on some dumb high stakes poker game.

B: We gotta take this scene now to show these guys who are attacking Le Chiffre for not having their money but he should have the money! He just won like 4 billion on stock terrorism!

M: How the fuck is this guy in the hole to all these people when he's doing all this fucking underground evil money making?!

B: How do they even know where he is?

Yeah these guys are basically just a plot device, what can ya do.

M: They also put a tracker in his inhaler.

B: He takes the medication thing out and it's just full of tracking bugs. He also doesn't care if you hack his girlfriend into pieces.

M: Is Bond gonna fucking rescue the bad guy? Who is not actually that bad of a guy after all?

B: No but he's gonna kill people for no reason. Saving Le Chiffre would've been a very interesting plot twist!

M: They don't have the balls to do anything that interesting.

B: These guys are gonna shoot at him for...overhearing I guess and they're gonna fight in a stairwell because that's cool. (Editor’s note: Isn’t Bond killing the guys who want money from Le Chiffre kinda antithetical to their whole mission...?)(Editor’s editor note: Yes, but as you pointed out earlier, the plot makes perfect sense, it just does.)

M: He's gonna look really beat up when he gets back to the table.

B: Damn, what happened to you?? Oh I had sex with my wife so hard all this blood came out of my face because I'm so cool.

M: Bond is like...Vesper...go tell Matthus to get rid of all these bodies. What the fuck.

B: We gotta be reminded that Daniel Craig is buff and has abs. He's not really my type but he does have big titties.

M: He's old enough....

B: I'm not gonna respond to that.

M: You don't need to. Your old man thirst is well documented on this blog.

B: Le Chiffre is also fine after his horrific incident of terror.

M: I hope this doesn't affect his poker playing!

B: We're taking a break from the poker now because Vesper is traumatized and is sitting in a shower in her evening gown. This is like the one nice moment where Bond is trying to like...comfort her and maybe he's not a complete douchebag. But then he goes right back to being a douche.

Buck up, little camper.

M: He's sucking on her fingers so....yeah.

B: Just kidding, he was being horny the whole time. This your man?

M: Is there a point to that scene? Are we supposed to think he's a kinder gentler Bond....why has this game paused for the entire night???

B: It's like a tournament that goes on for several days...I think. Matthus just frames some rando for the murders in the stairwell.

M: That's fucked up. Mads stares deeply out a window.

B: Absolutely serving cunt.

M: The worst part is...the poker game is more interesting to me than anything else that's happened in this entire movie.

B: Bames Nond is gonna up the stakes because he thinks he knows when Le Chiffre is bluffing.    

M: They're playing it up by making it look like Le Chiffre has all these tells by touching his temples and shit but come on. This guy is a chess prodigy.

B: And then Le Chiffre goes ALL IN so that Bond has to go all in to match him. And now we're gonna have to pause for a minute so I can rant.

M: Four of a kind beats a full house motherfucker. Okay rant away.

B: Bond bet all his money so now he's broke and he's like, hey Vesper you and the accountant people need to give me more money! And they're like no, which is the correct response, because all he's done is LOSE! He's just demonstrated that he's really bad at poker! But then THIS OTHER GUY who was there at the poker table, who has not been important yet at all, is like "Hey I'm from the CIA and I'll buy you back into the game" - like WHAT. MY MAN. Also ensuring that James Bond receives ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES for his fucking failure!

M: Also, Bond just decides he's gonna kill Le Chiffre - with a fucking kitchen knife. But CIA guy stops him.

B: 007, Consequences. That doesn't sound like a very good movie, does it? But then Le Chiffre's girlfriend who kinda looks like Britney Spears poisons Bond's martini.

M: But why, he already lost all his money and he didn't actually attack Le Chiffre so....

B: He unlost tho so....she decided to give him consequences. It was just a drop of consequence poisoning.

M: Bond runs to the bathroom to barf and sweat and then go to his car in the middle of the game, which seems like it would also have consequences but that's where all his cool gadgets are so he can be like oh no I've been poisoned.

When will you learn?? When will you learn that your actions have CONSEQUENCES??

B: I don't wanna have to say it again but...Bames Nond is having a stronk....call the Bondulance. They’re like...defibrillate yourself.

M: Why don't they just fucking call an AMBULANCE. Or a BONDULANCE. How do they know it's digitalis???

B: The chip that monitors his blood can tell that but he didn't plug in the defibrillator because he's bad at his job! Eva shows up and she somehow knows what's going on and how to plug in the defibrillator and save him.

M: Bond, poisoned about 20 seconds ago is fine now. That's not how poison works.

B: When you die, it removes status effects! Come on!

M: You don't suddenly like...have a heart attack and then be like, oh poison gone.

B: Le Chiffre makes a great ‘how are you not dead’ face.

M: Back to poker. Stop trying to kill everyone and just fucking play. Two aces on the table so that's big. Everyone is going all in. If Le Chiffre is not fucking STUPID he won't do it but he's gonna because he's a bad guy. Bond goes all in.

B: As we clarified, he's bad at poker, but he's trying to force Le Chiffre to do it too.

M: He has to lose because otherwise they'll stare at each other longingly for all eternity. What would happen if one of these other dudes had four of a kind? A royal flush?

B: But Bond wins the poker game with a straight flush and Le Chiffre is mad now.

M: Why is the CIA playing in a high stakes game anyway?  Bond needs to get some grub. Which is fair.

B: He just wants to hit on Vesper.

M: There's still like...half an hour left.

B: The climax happens and then the falling action just goes on for like...half an hour.

M: That was the climax???

B: No that's the point that's coming up. That's when I climaxed at least. Vesper is like, don't you even care that you murdered two people?

M: And Bond is like, I've killed way more people than that. Oh shit....Matthus. He might be in danger!

B: Actually he was a double agent! He was working for the bad guy the whole time! And Bond runs after a moving car. He's gotta get in his cooler car.

M: Is this gonna be another 20 minute long chase scene? I'm sorry but there's NO WAY he somehow swerved to miss hitting Vesper tied up in the middle of the road also how did they get here there that fast?

Bond is definitely very alive after this, trust us.

B: Bond wrecks the ever loving shit out of his car and he is now dead. They have Bond now and they gotta get the tracking chip out of his arm. I guess they knew about it because of Matthus. Time for your ball flattening.

M: *dies laughing* Ouch.

B: I'm not kidding!

M: Oh this is a real thing?!

B: Dude this is the cock and ball torture scene!

M: You didn't say anything about a fucking CBT scene!!!

B: I thought everyone knew that happened!

M: NO. We're gonna have to put a CBT warning. I don't wanna see this! Oh god. Bond is naked and strapped to a chair with the base cut out and Le Chiffre is carrying a big rope and uh....

B: Le Chiffre has to sensually tell Bond he's taken good care of his body. All of Bond's villians are gay coded, they have been for ages, it's fine, nobody’s mad.

M: Hannibal training. I really don't need to see this happening. Is this where the pg13 rating comes in?

B: Is this an inappropriate time to say God I wish that were me?

M: YES. He just whacked Bond in the nuts with a huge rope.

B: Thank you daddy, may I have another? I wanna be whoever had to spray Mads to make him that greasy. Man is fucking lubricated.

M: Bond is screaming though, as anyone would be. But he's trying to be cool about having his balls decimated. Le Chiffre has a point tho.....even if he kills Bond, MI6 would still welcome him because he knows too much stuff. Much better terrorist tactic, threaten Vesper.

B: Is little mister Bond gonna tell Daddy the password, or is he gonna keep being a naughty boy?

Man, 50 Shades of Grey looking better than I remember

M: I don't know you.

B: Just in time to save Bond's balls, it's some guy! With a gun! Honestly it would’ve been a very bold move to make it canon that Bond loses his balls. But that doesn't happen. The world wasn't ready for gay, ball-less, villian rescuing James Bond.

M: They weren't even ready for a black Bond, do you remember the hate toward Idris Elba??? They would never let us remove Bond's Balls. Oh yeah....Le Chiffre is dead.

B: Matthus is actually like...a triple agent? He was working for them but now he's not really? Or maybe he is. He's just a plot device.

M: I have no idea. They just tased him.

B: I stopped watching after this point the first time because Mads was dead and all I wanted was him sitting there looking mad at a poker table.

M: Vesper is here and she's gonna make Bond feel all better, and I wanna know how he thinks he's gonna bone her when his balls are the size of grapefruits.

B: This man's testicles are wrecked right now. But because of trauma bonding, they're totally into each other right now. Speaking of people who don't have balls...it's my cat!

M: Hi kitty. They should have Bond sitting there with a giant ice pack on his lap. Vesper suddenly is like, I love you even without your balls. WHY.

B: Dude....

M: Bond is like, I have no armor. You must love me now. I love you. I have no balls. This is the fucking movie, friends. Are we really supposed to believe Names Bond is gonna settle down???

B: Sex mode activated!

M: He's pretty motivated for a dude with a hospital bed in his room.

B: We must be reminded that Daniel Craig is buff. Every Bond actor is like someone your mom thinks is hot.

So you’re a buff guy, like it really rough guy, just can’t get enough guy

M: My mom definitely thinks Daniel Craig is hot. He's okay.

B: I think Vesper double crosses him actually.

M: Good. He's got it coming.

B: I'm ready to quit my job and travel the world with you, woman I've known for two days. He's acting like he's gonna quit because being a secret agent is so hard on him emotionally. He's resigning, but not really.

M: I think he's just afraid for his balls. Which is fair. Why isn't this over yet? The bad guy is dead.

B: We gotta set up for the next movie. He always looks like such a goober when he's not in his sleek spy suit. Why would his employer want him to come back?? He failed at everything.

M: He didn't even take out the bad guy. Le Chiffre is dead but that's not what they wanted, they wanted him alive.

B: Everything went wrong except that Bond is cool now and he gets to fuck a woman half his age.

M: Ooooh H wants to know where the monies are, and Bond is like...oshit...is Vesper stealing all the money?? Uh oh. Now MI6 is gonna kick your ass. To be fair, if I was Vesper...I would've done the same thing. Fuck this guy.

B: She's being manipulated by some secret organization because she couldn't have done this of her own free will because woman.

M: That's way less interesting.

B: I thought it was gonna turn out the person she'd been in love with was Le Chiffre but no. He doesn't like women that much.

M: I like my version better where she's just like, you know what Bond, you're a lying sack of shit with huge swollen balls and I'm taking your monies.

B: We gotta have one more action scene because otherwise the board would be like no we need more shoot gun explosion action.

M: Boo. This should have ended like an hour ago.

B: The falling action goes on forever. They had to set up the next movie instead of being like hey Bond your next mission is to go to Costa Rica and fuck some dudes in the ass! Except more British.

M: He's gotta cause enough property damage to negate all the money MI6 would've gotten back.

Listen, blowing up that building was just a goof!

B: This might be more than that. He's levelling buildings. Daniel Craig does have extremely blue eyes. They are very pretty. Nice titties and very blue eyes.

M: The bar is so low. He's like...perpetually doing duckface tho as his natural expression. I don't even know what's happening, stuff is just exploding. Vesper might be drowning, there's a lot of dust and gunfire. I assume Bond will come out on top. Oh he's gonna rescue Vesper? Or not. She's gonna commit aliven't??

B: Secret agent stuff? I guess? Some kind of thing.

M: This makes no sense.

B: That's implying the rest of the movie did make sense. No, don't try to save me. I love you, let me drown to death. She just exhaled so much, she would be drowning already, so would he.

M: She does tho and he's fine, despite all of his exhalation.

B: He might not be good at his job but he's got the lung capacity of a seal.

M: Somehow he got her out of the water and now he's doing the sexiest version of rescue breathing I've ever seen, wherein he doesn't even exhale and just makes out with her corpse.

B: We don't really feel bad for him tho because as we've clarified, he's kind of an asshole, and we don't feel bad for her because she mostly existed for him to bang.

M: And now M has to explain that Vesper had a boyfriend but they kidnapped him and were threatening to kill him so...that's kinda fucked up. Bond is like, NO I DON'T CARE ANYMORE SHE WAS A BITCH.

B: He's acting like a 10 year old. Now we'll never know who was behind all this because you fucked it all up, Bond. Don't worry, he'll fall in love with a different woman in the next movie.

M: I'm literally just waiting for this fucking movie to end. It won't end. They keep adding random shit that means nothing. There's another criminal fucking organization behind everything and we donut care at all. Some other guy just got shot by Bond. BLARG. I don't really have any closing thoughts uh....Bond really sucks now. Like...either stick to your guns and make him this utterly dehumanizing super macho bullshit strong dude or don't. But don't fucking go back and forth with it the whole movie. It's annoying as hell. The villian was 10000 times more interesting.

B: James Bond? More like LAMES BOND.

M: Parfait.

Munch and Biscuits out, yo.

#james bond #names bond #007 #munchflix #casino royale #review #humor #mads mikkleson #mads mikkelsen #eva green #judi dench #daniel craig