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slimeywooper · 5 months

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Labmas AU - Unintended Consequences

Chapter 12 Part 2 - Game

CW: I don't think it will bother anyone, but I'll note here that there is a scene that could make some people uncomfortable.

Kudari hasn't made any noise in the last couple of minutes, which isn't normal. You look over to him. He's staring into space, unblinking, mouth hanging open slightly, and saliva starting to drip down his chin. "Uh, Kudari, are you okay?" You start to waive your hand in front of his face, trying to get his attention.

Hearing the concern in your voice, Nobori looks over as well. Reassuring you, he says, "Kudari's fine. This happens every now and then. He sleeps like a normal person, but sometimes he gets hit with the circadian rhythm cycle Galvantula have." Nobori reaches into his coat and pulls out a handkerchief. He wipes Kudari's chin, then folds it into his shirt collar like a napkin. "Sometimes his body will stop responding in an attempt to conserve energy, even though he's had plenty of rest. Don't worry, he'll be back to normal soon. Don't say anything bad about him while he's in this state, though, he can still hear you." Nobori smiles at you, attempting to ease your anxiety.

Just as he had said, Kudari slowly begins to move again. Taking the handkerchief off, he hands it back to Nobori, who in turn lays it on the table. "I'm sorry, little one. I did not mean to worry you," Kudari utters slowly, coming out of whatever stupor he had been in. "As you can see, Dr. Colress was able to create us, but unfortunately, he wasn't quite smart enough to iron out some genetic inconsistencies in our genomes. We are stuck living with his failures."

You suppose it was naivete on your part that made you assume the hybrids were perfect mixtures. Kudari's circadian rhythm was a negative trait from his Galvantula half in a similar way that Nobori's inability to have children was one from his Chandelure half. "Oh…" You say softly, unsure of what to express.

"Don't say such things, Kudari, they may upset (Y/N)," Nobori chastises him.

Kudari glares back at him, "I would never purposefully upset them!" he argues, voice becoming louder.

Stepping between them, you announce, "It's okay, really. I'm not upset," hoping to ease the quickly rising tension. "Well Kudari, now that I know the rules you are supposed to follow, we should be able to keep each other on track. You told me Colress doesn't like to be proven wrong, but we don't even have to do that. Just making it so he has nothing to complain about will be considered a victory in my eyes."

"Okay!" Kudari exclaims, sounding excited. "I am so happy you are not upset with me! Maybe after we work today, you can hang out in my room? Or tomorrow! That would be better, because it's a special day!"

His enthusiasm is endearing, so you ask him to explain, "What makes it a special day? Do you have something planned?"

"I cannot tell you yet! That would ruin the surprise!" He starts doing his little dance where he hops from his right legs to his left, back and forth.

"Alright, I'll wait for tomorrow, but for now, we can't put off our work for much longer. We need to think of a solution for when we need to take a break." You put your hand up to your head in thought, when Kudari interrupts your deliberation.

He matter-of-factly informs you, "Earlier today, Dr. Colress let me make a web that I'm going to use as my designated break area. So the temptation of entering the break room will no longer be an issue."

That's shocking news. You would have assumed Colress would purposefully do something to sabotage Kudari, but that actually seems like a reasonable thing. This would mean you only have to get someone to watch Kudari momentarily while you run to get something for yourself. You nod your head, "Sounds good. We should get started before he returns. If we're still in here, he'll think we're goofing off. He told me to start feeding the Pokemon when we were done talking."

"May I assist you in your assignment? I get rather bored when I'm not working," Nobori offers, as he retrieves the handkerchief from the table, stashing it in his coat's inner pocket.

You are pleasantly surprised by his suggestion, and accept, "Sure, we'd love to have your help." Kudari has a sour expression on his face from this turn of events. Not noticing his mood shift, you resume your statement, "It will go much faster with you here. There's actually a cart in the wash room we can use to hold the bowls of food. Let's head down there and get started."

Everyone leaves the room and makes their way to the elevator, entering as the doors open. It's a tight fit, but you're all able to get in. The back of your hand brushes against Nobori's. Such close proximity is getting to be too much for you. Is he feeling the same thing? Or is it only you being tortured? And what exactly are you feeling? There's only been a few instances you've interacted with him without others around, but it's always something you look forward to.

Arriving on the third floor, you ask Nobori, "Would you mind grabbing that cart and some of the feed for us? Kudari and I will wait by the kennels."

"Of course. I'll return shortly." He nods, before heading on his mission.

Kudari watches him leave, a look of distaste present on his features. He lowers himself, addressing you, "Little one. Nobori fancies himself your protector ever since you fainted in my arms. Let's play a game with him!" he speaks in a mischievous tone. "If he wants to be a hero, we should give him the opportunity!" His voice is strangely quiet, perhaps fearful Colress will overhear from wherever he is.

Thinking back to when you woke up in the suite with Nobori, your face grows red again. "I don't know what you mean. What kind of game are we going to play with him?" You say absentmindedly, trying to concentrate more on making a mental note of where the different Pokemon are in the kennels.

Perking up, Kudari is visibly trembling with anticipation. "Simple! I will take you to the web I made today, pretend I'm going to eat you, and Nobori will have to save you! Now let's go, I don't want to wait any longer!" Grabbing and lifting you up, he holds you close with an arm. One of his back legs begins collecting silk and feeding it to his pedipalps, which in turn move the strands to his open hand.

"Wait, wait, wait! Please stop! I don't want to play this game!" You shout, petrified, the situation abruptly taking a nosedive. This definitely isn't something Kudari should be doing. He ignores you, using the strands to first bind your arms, then quickly moving to bind your legs. Thoroughly wrapped so you cannot move your appendages, he grasps you with both hands now, charging across the room. Your frightened screams haven't subsided since he started, drawing the attention of everyone in the area.

It doesn't take long before he is climbing up a wall, heading for the ceiling corner which has the web he had mentioned previously. As he is holding you to his chest, you peak down, feeling sick from the height, but immediately relieved at the sight of Nobori in the group of onlookers below. He must have heard your screams and come to help, just like Kudari hoped he would.

"Nobori! Look what I have!" Kudari calls down. "If you want them back uneaten, you better find a way up here quickly! Hee hee!" The same trembling excitement you noticed in him earlier has returned and is now reverberating through you.

"Kudari, you Mudbray! Let them down! Can't you see you're scaring them?!" Nobori yells. This is the loudest you have ever heard him.

Attempting to persuade him to let you down, you plead, "Let me go, Kudari! I don't want to be up here! We need to get back to work! I'm not upset with you, just put me back on the ground and we'll forget this ever happened. Please, I don't want you to get in trouble again." You try to reason with him, but Kudari isn't listening. He is giggling to himself incessantly, eyes fixed on Nobori, waiting for him to make a move. Your fear lessens and you start to get mad due to him ignoring you. Since you came here, you've lost your home, had a job thrust upon you, and now been terrorized by someone who you've only ever been nice to and thought of as a friend. All of these things happened because you wouldn't stand up for yourself. It has to stop now, so you decide to take action, doing the only thing you are currently able to do. You reach your head up and bite Kudari on the neck, deep enough to draw a little blood. He makes a strange noise, initially a gasp which turns into a moan. His body stiffens, immediately pulling away from you, eyes wide with shock. Now holding you at arms length, he crawls off the web and travels down the wall.

Placing you lightly on your feet, he meekly apologizes, barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry (Y/N)," grasping the bite on his throat.

Nobori runs to you, and using a small burst of fire, dissolves some of the webbing that is binding you, so it could be pulled off easily. After you are free, you hug him. "Thank you. I'm sorry you had to save me again."

Breaking away from the hug, he states, "Nonsense, you saved yourself this time," as he smiles and looks into your eyes. Bringing his hand to your chin, he wipes a tiny smear of blood off your lip with his thumb. You should be mortified, but all you can feel is an ethereal peace. Looking around, you notice Colress has arrived and is currently glaring at Kudari. You know there is going to be hell to pay for this stunt.

Reacting first, you attempt to defend Kudari, "Please don't be too hard on him. He was only playing a game and didn't mean to scare me!" The look on Colress' face lets you know it is pointless to argue. His mind is made up.

"Kudari, my office. Now." Colress orders, not making an effort to even tilt his head in your direction. He leaves and Kudari follows, whimpering as he goes.

As the other researchers begin to disperse, returning to their work, you're left alone with Nobori. "What are we going to do?" you say, not asking a question, but making a statement. "Colress is surely not thinking of that as any kind of game. I shouldn't have screamed. Maybe Kudari would have let me down before Colress arrived…"

"Don't blame yourself. Sometimes Kudari is overtaken by certain whims. Something must have triggered him to want to do that." He tells you, lightly placing a hand on your arm. "We'll just have to wait until they come back. What I say won't matter, but you may be able to convince Colress to give him another chance."

Suppressing the negative feelings coming forth, you resolve to finish the task you were given. "Alright, let's continue feeding the Pokemon, then when the opportunity presents itself, I will see what I can do." Nobori nods to your plan, and you both get to work. The day isn't over yet, there is still plenty of time to turn it around.

#labmas au #hybrid au #colress #kudari #nobori #submas au

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nicetown · 1 year

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8 Benefits of Blackout Curtains that You Can Bring into Your Home

When it comes to custom blackout curtains, these seem to be hidden gems that so many people don't know about. While curtains are often known for hiding light, they either filter it or all they do is just darken the room but not black it out. As humans, you need to keep a close eye on your circadian rhythm, and the light coming from outside is going to impact that. In fact, even the noise outside is going to impact, which is why more people are looking towards blackout noise reduction curtains.

But what exactly are the benefits of blackout curtains? Are they just another curtain for your home in the name of aesthetics? While these curtains add plenty of elegance to the home, they're a complete lifesaver too. So, here are some benefits of blackout curtains that you can bring right into your home!

Protect home from UV rays

Sun bleaching is awful, and it has a way of making furniture look terrible and wooden floors curl up. While shades can usually protect the home from this, sometimes it's not enough, or maybe it's just not your style. Fortunately, you can use blackout curtains to help you out. they can protect your furnishings from exposure to harmful UV rays, making your home more energy efficient. UV rays are not only bad for your interior, but they're not good for your skin either. So you'll be doing yourself and the interior of your home a major favor by doing this.

Energy efficient

While blackout soundproof curtains can offer noise reduction for your home, did you know that it's an energy-efficient way to insulate your home? In winter, you can insulate your windows by using blackout curtains, often times; these are also paired with thermal curtains though you can purchase a two-in-one-set too. These insulated window treatments reduce heat loss from your home by up to 25 percent. In general, if you want to cut down hot in the colder months and take a more eco-friendly approach to warm your home, this is the perfect option!

What about the warmer months? Well, they can help during those months too! During the summer months, the airflow in the doors, windows, and even the sun's heat against the window bleeds into the interior. It's far from ideal, and it makes the home feel very stuffy. Thanks to the thick material that blackout curtains provide, it's able to withstand the heat from the windows, and it can hold back the airflow that's coming in. This means that it's going to take a lot less power to cool off your home, leaving you to save money in the long run.

Easy to clean

Even though there are common mistakes when it comes to the installation of blackout curtains, you won't have to worry about the clean-up! There are a lot of curtains out there that can be challenging to clean. While some require to be steamed, dry cleaned, or wiped with solution, blackout curtains have a reputation for being easier.

While it all depends on the material and the blackout curtains' layers, you can expect it to be easy and not stressful. Just make sure you check the label to see how they need to be washed and dried. Most back tab blackout curtains will only need a gentle cycle in the washer, while others just need to go to the dry cleaners. Make sure you know exactly how to clean yours so you can avoid any damage.

Reduce noise pollution

Blackout curtains are not only fashionable, but they also help to keep noise from coming through windows. If you've never had blackout noise reduction curtains in your room, then you've never had the best sleep of your life. Some types of blackout curtains are also made of soundproof materials. The best curtains will be able to help you get a good night's sleep and reduce the noise in your home. There are a variety of styles to choose from, from heavy velour to modern fabric. It's really up to your preference, but the material and the layering can make a difference.

Enhance sleep

If you want to improve the quality of your sleep, it is important to block out the light. Just think about it, those pesky lights outside make it hard to sleep, and the sunlight doesn't make it any easier either. The best way to do this is with blackout soundproof curtains.

The benefits of using blackout curtains for you and your family include reduced noise from the outside world and total darkness for a better night's sleep! Blackout curtains are a great way to block out light and prevent natural light from waking up. You can also use them to help you get into the habit of sleeping in a dark room.

Ideal for newborns

In addition to blocking out the lights, these curtains can help maintain a recommended temperature for nurseries. Newborns require a consistent temperature in order to get enough sleep. This is because they have difficulty regulating their bodies. Keeping temperatures between 68-72 degrees Fahrenheit will help them get the rest they need. Thanks to their insulation power, you can count on black-out curtains to offer this. Plus, this is needed for nurseries as you can rest assured that no light is getting to wake up your baby.

Preventing passers-by from seeing into your home

If you live in a city or even a suburb, you know that you get slightly less privacy compared to someone living in a rural area. With that said, it can be fairly irritating being able to see shadows or have someone pass by you that looks into your home. While there are light-filtering curtains that are great for filtering out light and giving that subtle hint of privacy, sometimes it's not enough.

Fortunately, black out curtains will do just the trick. While yes, they do block out light, you can at least feel comfortable knowing that no one will be able to see your silhouette (regardless of time) in your home. So if you want as much privacy as possible, you must pay attention to this!

Unlimited options

Whether you want rainbow blackout curtains or blackout outdoor curtains, you can expect it all. You don’t have to feel limited to curtains, especially in your home. Here at Nicetown, we provide custom blackout curtains, including printed blackout curtains to fit your needs. Whether you want something for the living room to the nursery, you can expect an array of colors and prints to meet your aesthetics!

#14:27 #curtains #home improvement #window treatment #blackout curtains #soundproof #soundproof curtains

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zeearchitect · 1 year

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Zero Degree Design

Zero Degree Design is Best Interior Designing Institute in Patna. Some Interior related points are:

Lighting Lighting is one of the most essential elements of interior design. It has been proven that lighting affects mood, body temperature, sleep cycles, hormone production, and circadian rhythms. A change in lighting can affect a person’s emotional state. If you want people to feel relaxed while they’re staying at your place, make sure there is enough natural sunlight as well as bright lights. You don't need direct sunlight, just indirect lighting. Also, if you have guests over, try to avoid using overhead lighting, as it may cause headaches and eye strain. Try to use recessed lighting instead. In addition, lighting should always be set high enough to allow a plant to receive adequate amount of light throughout the day.

Temperature Temperature changes in the house can lead to fatigue and anxiety. Most people tend to feel sleepy after spending time in a room where the temperature has dropped below 60 degrees. If possible, try keeping the room as cool as possible by opening windows and/or leaving the air conditioner running. However, if you really have to keep the room warm, consider installing a heater.

Noise Level Most people find it hard to concentrate when their environment is noisy. If your bedroom gets loud, then you might want to invest in some earplugs or headphones. Try making noise-cancelling headphones as well, as they can help block out distracting noises.

Humidity Humidity level inside a home could be affected by different factors. One of them would be how often you open the windows and doors. Another factor is the type of ventilation system you have. A simple fan won’t do much to bring in fresh air. Instead, install a whole-house humidifier that can easily maintain a consistent humidity level. Alternatively, you can hang wet cloths outside the doorways to soak up steam coming from the house's air conditioning.

Cleanliness Cleanliness (Best Interior Designing Institute in Patna) makes a difference in our daily lives. When someone enters your home, he or she expects to find a clean space. A dirty home can leave a bad impression on visitors. To ensure that your home remains clean at all times, use cleaning products with low toxicity levels. An effective way of removing bacteria and germs would be to wipe down surfaces using wipes that contain antimicrobial agents, especially those made from vinegar, water, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, white vinegar, or lemon juice. Make sure that you always disinfect items that touch food or drink before using them. Keep everything in good shape by regularly vacuuming floors, rugs, and furniture. 6a. Placement Placing objects close to the eyes is not recommended. Your vision is naturally impaired when looking directly at something that is close to your face. Objects near your eyes are the ones that give you headaches as they get in the way of what you're trying to focus on. 6b. Height The optimal height for any piece of furniture is around 18 inches off the ground. Anything higher than this and the person sitting will be forced to look up and down constantly. Furniture placed lower than this will force the user to adopt uncomfortable positions.

Zero Degree Design is Best Interior Designing Institute in Patna.

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topbesthibernatiolab · 1 year

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Rest Supplement Advantages

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searchuganda38 · 2 years

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Tips On How To Improve Intestine Well Being With The Right Foods

In each animal and human research, researchers have discovered that exercise promotes an increase in diversity of healthy micro organism within the gut. You’ve probably heard the term “gut health” and know that “good” intestine well being is desirable. It means having the proper stability of tiny bacteria and different microbes in your digestive tract. Researchers are more and more discovering methods these microorganisms contribute to general health. When the intestine turns into imbalanced and has too many bad or dangerous micro organism or an overgrowth of fungus, hormonal disturbances, inflammation, and other processes happen which might result in severe illness. Vive Biotics Reviews has extra micro organism cells than some other sort of cell. Papaya & Pineapple contain natural fruit enzymes, which may help the physique digest fat and proteins respectively. These enzymes could assist relieve delicate digestive signs corresponding to gas and bloating and may have a gentle laxative effect . These and fruits normally are one other top source of dietary fiber to help maintain the digestive system wholesome. Gannon adds that melatonin, the hormone that makes us sleepy, is produced in the intestine, which provides to this notably nasty cycle. Cortisol additionally causes irritation, which can be one other supply of issues in digestion and beyond. “Inflammation impedes pure processes like digestion and metabolism which are essential for us to thrive and survive,” Verma says. Jaime is an Illinois-based holistic, plant based mostly dietitian with a love for all issues gut well being. Find Jaime on social @whollynourishedrd on Instagram, and find details about her non-public follow, Wholly Nourished, on her website Aim for a minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night to maintain your intestine wholesome. Studies also show that people who frequently exercise have extra microbial range and that exercise promotes the formation of SCFA’s. A healthy begin in life can have a significant, long-term influence on animal well being and efficiency. As such, it is important to first seed the gut with the right micro organism as quickly as potential after delivery or hatch. Many different factors can have an result on our intestine health — from the foods we eat and stress levels, to sleep and antibiotic use. As our analysis has proven, having a healthy intestine that homes plenty of “good” gut microbes is important for general health. In common, probably the greatest sources of fiber, aside from fruit and veggies, are whole grains, Fitzgerald noted. Whole grains include indigestible fiber, which is fermented by the intestine microbiota, producing fatty acids that help keep correct intestine well being. Whole grains help reduce the quantity of Enterobacteriaceae, micro organism discovered within the intestinal flora that can set off irritation, based on a 2017 research revealed within the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Fermented meals are a great source of probiotics, which some analysis suggests may enhance intestine health. Disrupted sleep and misaligned circadian rhythms also can lead to obesity and metabolic problems. Most of the time when your immune system is weak, it can be traced again to what is happening in your gut. Just understanding that lets you change what you are placing in your body so you'll find a way to enhance your immune well being. For optimum immunity, detoxing and nourishment, your gut should be in stability. Short-chain fatty acids, that are made almost exclusively within the gut, additionally seem to play a job in regulating blood pressure. Studies in mice counsel that these fat are concerned in blood vessel dilation and constriction.

#digestive health supplement #fast metabolism #probiotic capsule #gut health goals #obesity and weight loss #support good digestive health

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bluegarners · 3 years

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AHHHH YOUR CARD LOOKS SO GOOD!!!! maybe hope is scary with young bruce and dick ?

Ugh, dust, you know I’m such a sucker for them!! Thank you so much for sending in your request, I hope you enjoy it~ @dustorange

Hope Is Scary

Bruce never really realized how quiet the Manor was until he began to notice the echoing of padded footsteps that weren’t his own. Alfred was easy to tell, polished shoes with prim heels step step stepping along waxed hallways and carpeted floors. Easy and comforting in a way that Bruce was accustomed to and found a strange warmth in. Alfred had been wearing the same brand of shoes since coming to work for Wayne Manor. The same color and shoe size, and though Alfred had lost some weight over the years, he still carried himself like the young man at heart he’s always been.

But the additional pair of footsteps was new to Bruce and the dim creaking of stairs and uneven floor boards made that apparent to him.

Dick didn’t like to wear socks. He said they were distracting and made it easier for him to slip and fall when he was running around and trying to do intricate flips off of the railways and walls. When Bruce suggested that, maybe, he just not do those things, Dick had leveled a look at him that made him feel as if he had just stepped upon his parents’ graves. Which, perhaps, he did. This was Dick’s livelihood. All he had ever known. To ask him to stop flipping and twirling was like asking him to stop breathing. It just couldn’t be done.

Bruce buys him some socks with rubber pieces on the bottoms as a compromise. Dick wears them only once before stowing them away in a drawer. He says he doesn’t like not being able to feel the floor.

And maybe that’s something Bruce should have been paying more attention to. That key part in Dick’s reasoning. He’s new at this though. New to being a p... a guardian. To being responsible for the well being of another. Bruce doesn’t interact with children. Ever. Sure, he’ll smile at the camera and kiss a couple babies on the head so the Gotham Gazette has a nice picture and headline, but he’s never actually had to take care of a child before. What do nine year olds like? What do they do? Are there certain rules he has to follow? Rules Dick has to follow? It’s not like Bruce can go up to him and ask what his parents usually did because that would be horribly insensitive and Bruce doesn’t want to replace Dick’s parents. He doesn’t.

It’s only been a month since Dick arrived at the Manor. A little more than three since the Grayson tragedy. The weeks in between were days Dick did not like to talk about. Why Gotham thought a juvenile detention center was the next best thing to house an orphan still infuriates Bruce. He tries his best not to think about it. Dick doesn’t seem to be bothered much by it, however. In all actuality, Dick has been remarkably resilient so far.

Again, maybe that’s something Bruce should have been paying more attention to. The stability factor. It didn’t align with everything that had happened recently, but Bruce had taken it as a sign of hope for the small boy. That perhaps he wouldn’t be as badly affected by the murders or the things that happened afterwards. Of course, these were all stupid and foolish notions Bruce had convinced himself of. He’s studied psychology before, knows the signs and symptoms of PTSD, but Bruce kicks himself sometimes for not having invested enough time into child psychology.

Bruce’s room is three doors down from Dick’s. Between them is a guest bathroom, a guest bedroom, and a spare closet Alfred likes to keep his dusters in. They had allowed the nine year old to choose his own room and when he had realized Bruce would be down the hallway from him, a strange look had passed over his face. Dick had looked up and down the corridor, something similar to trepidation flashing across his young features, and Bruce had glanced around too, searching for the thing that had caused that look. It was just an empty hallway though, a picture here and there of a late Wayne or some sort of art piece Bruce has never really bothered to look at.

Briefly, Bruce had allowed a sliver of panic to settle into his chest at the idea that it was himself that was the problem. Perhaps Dick didn’t want to be so close to Bruce, a near perfect stranger offering a house to live in, and maybe three doors just simply wasn’t enough for the boy to feel comfortable. The initial anxiousness had passed after a week though, Dick showing no further outwardly signs of distress at their proximity. In fact, he was a rather cheerful child.

Was, being the unfortunate key word.

The small but sure steps that echo down the hallway at twelve thirteen a.m are Bruce’s first clue that something is wrong. It’s not uncommon for any one of them to get up in the middle of the night, seeking an out from the nightmares or sleepless dreams. Alfred’s habits usually just had him retiring into bed late and getting up early, something Bruce has been trying to coax him out of by taking melatonin pills. Bruce himself is a deep sleeper, his REM cycle taking only about ninety minutes to take over, but even then he can’t seem to sleep more than five or six hours at a time.

The smallest things will forcibly wake him up, now ingrained into him not to ignore them ever , and that has resulted in him listening very carefully to the patter of tiny feet across wooden floors. It’s Dick, Bruce knows this, and it’s not uncommon for Dick to get up late in the night for water or exploration. The boy was still learning to accept the fact that neither Bruce or Alfred would be angry with him for exploring the Manor, peering into all the rooms and invading the attics. Bruce had done the same thing when he was younger and he does remember it being quite fun, but Dick carries the notion with him that one little slip up will spell out his removal from his new home.

Bruce struggles with reassuring the boy. He hasn’t made any head-way as of yet.

The footsteps stop outside his door and Bruce can see the shadow of small feet beneath the gap. The lights are on, dimmed in the hallway, and the figure stands there for several moments, refusing to move. The handle shutters, like someone grasping at it but failing to fully turn the mechanism, and Bruce sits up in bed unsure at what to expect. The handle slowly turns again, jerking back upwards when the door opens a crack, and Dick stands in between the door and the corridor. His slight figure blocks out some of the light, shadowing the child’s face, and Dick continues to stand there, seemingly staring into the void that is Bruce’s room.

“Hey,” Bruce whispers, completely lost on what he should be doing or saying. “Are you okay, bud?”

Is he allowed to say that? Is it alright for him to use nicknames yet? Bruce has heard Alfred refer to Dick as “lad” or “chum” a few times, old English nicknames second nature, but Bruce has been careful not to overstep his bounds. He still doesn’t know what the boy thinks of him. What he thinks of his… guardian.

No sooner do those thoughts enter and leave his mind does Dick turn around and begin walking away. He pads away almost as noisily as he came and Bruce tosses off his sheets to follow the boy. Just as Bruce steps out his door, he sees Dick re-enter his own room, leaving the door wide open. The lights aren’t on in Dick’s bedroom, bathed in darkness, and as Bruce takes measured steps to check in with the boy, he hears Dick begin to cry.

It’s a sad and hollow cry, one that Bruce himself is much too familiar with, and his heart skips a beat as he fumbles with the light switch. Dick is sitting on the floor, legs splayed out in front of him like he’s fallen, and for a moment Bruce wonders if he did fall and hurt himself. He crouches down beside the boy, hands hovering and unsure of what’s appropriate for him to do.

“Dick?” he asks, trying to look into the boy’s eyes. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

The nine year old ignores him though, continuing to cry and look down at the carpeted flooring. The tears that pour down his face and drip off of his chin sadden Bruce deeply, a strange pang in his chest as he merely watches the boy sob in earnest. Should he get Alfred? No, the man gets little sleep as it is. Besides, Bruce is an adult. He can handle this, he’s handled much worse before.

“Dick,” Bruce tries again, “Bud, please look at me. What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

He’s ignored again, the boy’s small shoulders shaking beneath the weight of his tears. Cautiously, Bruce reaches a finger under Dick’s chin, tilting it upwards so he can see his face. Dick’s eyes are open but there’s a lull in them, like he’s not quite focusing on anything at all and is merely just staring off into space. They contract and expand like normal though and carefully Bruce waves a hand in front of his face. This seems to be the wrong thing to do as Dick flinches back, a whimper escaping him. At the sound, Bruce feels himself pale a bit.

“Sorry,” he is quick to rush out. “I didn’t- sorry. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

It’s like Dick can’t hear him though as he continues to whine, hands fidgeting with nothing and grasping at air. His mouth moves in patterns like he wants to speak but has forgotten the right words, and his eyes dart about as if picking one thing to look at only to find it gone the next. It scares Bruce. He doesn’t know what’s going on. What’s happening? What is happening?

Despite his better judgment, Bruce reaches out a hand again, gently placing it on the ankle of one of Dick’s splayed legs. He’s wearing SpongeBob themed sleep-wear, and though Bruce nor Alfred know hardly anything about the cartoon, Dick’s smile had bloomed at the sight of them and had shyly given them each a hug. It was like receiving a… gift. Full of love and gratefulness that Bruce isn’t used to getting. It was warm. Genuine. Kind. He places his hand, that is neither warm nor kind because he has hands made for punching and handling sharp things, atop the ankle-cuff of the silly pajama bottoms and Dick screams.

Bruce jerks his hand back, immediately shuffling backwards, and he’s about to say something, say anything, say sorry because he’s still new at this, still doesn’t know where the boundaries are, still doesn’t know if Dick is even happy here at the Manor, but Dick is still screaming and wailing. He’s staring off into a dark corner of the suddenly too massive room and a chasm yawns before Bruce as he struggles with the urge to help and the knowledge that it’s not wanted. He steals a glance towards his open hand, half-way expecting to see blood or angry red or something that would tell him what he did, how he hurt the boy, because that wasn’t his intention but he should have known. He should have known.

His hands are not made to be gentle.

Soft and thunderous footsteps pound against the wooden floors and Bruce surges upwards as Alfred enters the room, robe half on and feet clad in old gray slippers. His crinkled eyes are wide open, searching for the distress that had announced itself so loudly, and with a presence of mind Bruce himself isn’t capable of having at the moment, flicks on the light switch to the room.

“Good heavens,” Alfred cries as he finally sees the sobbing child. “Master Dick, what in the world-”

Finally, Alfred’s eyes flick over to Bruce’s guilty and hunched form, a hand hidden behind his back and an awful look of shame shrouding his sharp face. “I don’t know what I did,” Bruce says, shaky and uncertain. “I didn’t hurt- I didn’t mean to hurt him, Alfred.”

The butler just frowns though, neither unkind nor scolding. Instead of a lecture or some reprimand, Alfred cautiously approaches the nine year old, who is still staring sullenly into the far corner of the room and heaving with great hiccups that expand his small frame to a great degree that was surely painful. Carefully, in full view of the child, Alfred lowers himself to the ground and assesses with an experienced and all-too-ready gaze.

“Master Dick?” he calls softly. “Can you hear me?”

There is no response other than the continuing tears and rough hiccups that echo in the much too wide room. One would think with the impossibly thick pillows, soft blankets, and even softer still carpet, sound would travel as if stuck in a tube, but each cry is as loud as a gunshot in Bruce’s mind. He caused this. He did this. He… didn’t mean to.

Bruce is a man composed of glass shards and copper stained cement. There is nothing gentle about him. He should not have tried to be.

Alfred stands then, hands on his knees as he heaves himself off of the ground. Were his joints bothering him? Bruce thinks he should look into getting another physical therapist for the butler. Maybe a chiropractor or massage therapist as well. It couldn’t be good to crouch and bend so often and the man has-

“Master Bruce,” Alfred says, “a word, please.”

At the beckon, the younger man takes a few steps forward, meeting the butler halfway to the door. The brighter lights from Dick’s room bleed out into the dimmer hallway, a shadow of sorts created between the two sources as their figures shroud the doorway. Carpet meets wood and Bruce wonders if Dick chose the softer texture for a reason. If he chose the cushioned floor so he’d have something nicer to land on when he falls.

“I don’t like it when I can’t feel the floor, Bruce. I just don’t.”

Bruce sighs heavily and with the knowledge that he was never fit to be any sort of guardian to Dick. He had fooled himself into believing he could save this child from the same fate he’s cursed himself into, save the child from years of torment and ache that came from the bones of murder and the empty graves of justice and peace. Who was he to think he could save someone from that when he was still stuck in that chasm himself, still struggling to use these scarred hands of his for anything else other than exacting his vengeance in the dark night.

“Alfred,” and Bruce hates the way his voice cracks but he’s so lost and still so young himself, “I didn’t-”

“No,” the butler sighs, placing his own calloused hand on Bruce’s sagged shoulder, “No, you didn’t, my boy. I know you would never hurt that child, not if you could stop yourself, and even then that would be some fight.”

“But, Dick, he’s-”

“He’s fine, Master Bruce, I promise you that. He won’t even remember any of this come morning.”

The younger man looks up, still so horribly ashamed and confused. “I don’t understand. He’s crying. He- He screamed when I touched him, Alfred. He’s terrified of me. I must have done something to make him so scared. Maybe this was all a mistake. I thought I could help him by bringing him here, but I’m just making it worse, aren’t I?”

Alfred’s face is a weathered one. The creases in between his brows tell of many nights spent thinking, frowning at the future and unknowns. The crow's feet that dance and jump at the corners of his eyes also tell of many days spent laughing, smiling, embracing the present. He, too, has his own scars to tell about stories that are best left unsaid, marks that are proof of a life that could have been but would never be. There are a thousand words alone that can be thought of through the visage of the old butler’s weathered face, but sometimes, it’s good to say them aloud. Sometimes, they are needed, deserved, to be said aloud.

“My boy,” Alfred says, a softness in his eyes belaying the heartache in his face, “you have done a tremendous thing, bringing Master Dick here. A tremendous and kind thing. In the few weeks that boy has been here, I have seen remarkable growth and healing. This,” Alfred motions to the crying nine year old still on the floor, “is all part of that. This is a sign of hope, Master Bruce.”

“He’s frightened of me, Alfred. He… I’m not good for him.”

“These are simply night terrors, Master Bruce. When you were a child, you had them too. I know it’s… scary to look upon but you must understand that they are here because the boy finally feels safe. Master Dick finally has a place, a home , to feel safe and happy in once more.”

Dick wails again, forlorn and raw, and Bruce flinches at the sound. The palm of his hand stings with the phantom touch of soft fabric and the echoes of wrong-doings.

“What do I do?” he asks, head bowed and voice hardly above a murmur. “I don’t know how to help him.”

Alfred squeezes his shoulder, a grounding and solid gesture. “For now, my boy, you must merely be there for him as I once was for you.” Alfred sighs, releasing Bruce’s shoulder and letting his arm fall back to his side. “Talk to him. The terror will be over soon enough, but in the meantime, comfort the boy. Coax him back to bed. This will pass, Master Bruce, but please. Do take it as a sign of hope for the boy. He is in desperate need of it.”

Alfred’s muted footsteps go back out into the corridor and Bruce is left standing halfway between the open doorway and the weeping nine year old. The carpet feels like grain beneath Bruce’s toes as he shifts to face the boy, tugging against his feet as he takes the three steps that distance them. Slowly, gingerly, Bruce lowers himself to the floor and criss-crosses his legs. He does not touch the boy, does not dare get close enough to even consider it, and folds his hands together in his lap. The bumps and fine lines he feels on his own palms make him cringe and he hides them deeper into his knees.

Dick doesn’t stop crying. His bright blue eyes stay transfixed into the far corner of his bedroom and Bruce wonders what he sees. What captures his attention so completely and holds onto him like that of cold hands and wilted flowers. Alfred said Dick won’t remember tonight. Won’t remember coming to Bruce’s room. Won’t remember cowering away from Bruce’s touch. A small part of Bruce hopes that he doesn’t. Hopes that tonight remains forgotten in oblivion, the only shred of evidence of it all being the wet stains on SpongeBob pajamas.

Dick mutters something, voice small and a jumble of nonsense, and Bruce’s heart clenches in his chest. His hand twitches to wipe away the salty tears that slide down the boy’s face but Bruce resists the urge and continues to sit motionless. Yes, it was better to have this chasm between them. Dick is kind and pure, composed of things that would only become crippled when exposed to what makes up Bruce.

He was not made to be gentle.

Bruce sat with the nine year old into the night, well after the terror had stopped and Dick had fallen asleep once more. He leaves before the first creep of morning, slinking back into his room, and splashing cool water on his face. By eight, Alfred is ringing him to come down for breakfast and with heavy limbs and an even heavier heart, Bruce lumbers down towards the kitchen.

He freezes when he spots Dick happily munching away on eggs and toast, mussed up and pillow-worn hair splayed in different directions. He sees Bruce as well and gives a sloppy wave, sleep still tugging at his small arms and droopy eyelids.

“Mornin’, Bruce,” he says. “Alfie made toast.”

And it’s just as Alfred said it would be. Dick doesn’t remember any of it. Bruce does. He always will. But this is hope, right? This is what healing is: searching eyes. Tears. Screams. Terror. Helplessness.

This is hope, Bruce reminds himself later that night as his door creaks open again and footsteps slap against the wood floors. Dick screams at him again and howls at the walls, grieving over things he won’t remember in the morning but will bounce around in Bruce’s head for weeks after.

This is hope. This is healing. This is Dick feeling safe and comforted. It has to be, it has to be.

But it scares Bruce.

#Dick Grayson #Bruce Wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #bad things happen bingo #hope is scary #night terrors #so if it's not clear Dick is not afraid of Bruce at all #he trusts Bruce completely #i didn't want to ramble in the actual fic so i'll explain it here #when someone is recovering from a traumatic experience symptoms don't always show right away until that person's brain feels safe enough to #essentially freak out- which is what is happening here #my little brother had night terrors for a week straight and he would scream for hours and point at his closet saying that a bad man was #in his closet- he never remembered it happening when he woudl wake up the next morning #many children go through night terrors and it doesn't have to be from trauma #it can just be a bad sleep cycle or their circadian rhythm is off #they're very scary to see if you don't know what's going on #dustorange

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thebibliosphere · 3 years

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I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

#adhd #not a doctor #just a sick person with lots of lived experience

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darleneslover · 2 years

Note

Spencer Reid x reader who has insomnia?

(sorry if that sounds too vague–I saw that you write for Spencer and got REALLY excited so oop-)

tysm for requesting and sorry for taking this long :( hope you like it!

summary: reader wakes up spencer late at night and worries about their sleep disorder causing troubles in their relationship, spencer comforts the reader with sweet words, affirmations and facts (angst x comfort)

“late night sorrow”

It’s late, you don’t know exactly what time it is but by the look of the street and the silence outside you know it was past midnight, You always struggled with insomnia but this week somehow it managed to get worst after your medication stopped working but luckily Spencer was aware of it and he even started his own research to find a new medication for you to try, he read all weekend about how sleeping disorders affect the brain and more. he knew that it wasn’t easy for you but was proud of how well you managed it.

“Love?” Spencer said with a raspy voice interrupting your thoughts.

“Did I woke you up? I'm really so-” Spencer cut you off with a soft, sweet kiss in the forehead.

“You didn’t woke me up I promise” he said while putting his hands in your face and rubbing softly you cheeks

You looked at your clock and said out loud:

“Fuck! It’s 4:30am and we have to work tomorrow, what if we have a case? what If I make a horrible mistake because I’m tired? And now you are awake! God I’m so sorry for doing this to you. It’s always the same! You sleeping peacefully while I’m in my cellphone googling tricks to fall asleep In 5 minutes. I just don’t know what to do anymore” You said in the verge of tears, disappointed at yourself or maybe even at your doctor for not prescribing you “good enough pills”

Spencer sat down and turned the light on

“hey hey hey listen to me” he said grabbing your hand.

“This is not your fault okay? Nothing bad is going to happen because you are tired. You know why? Because I’m here with you and I’m going to spend the rest of the night taking care of you alright darling?” he said smiling and staring at your eyes with a concerned yet caring look

“Spence” you said with a sad face

“I’m just really tired of not understanding what’s happening to me. I just want to be normal.” you said angry at yourself

“Okay, first at all you are a normal person your brain just works a little bit different you see the The hypothalamus contains groups of nerve cells that act as control centers affecting sleep and arousal they receive information about light exposure directly from the eyes and control your behavioral rhythm and that’s why some people with damage to the SCN sleep erratically throughout the day because they are not able to match their circadian rhythms with the light-dark cycle.” He stated

“So? It’s about the light?” You asked

“well it could be. I mean they can be multiple causes and actually-”

You interrupted him with a kiss it was short and sweet but meaningful at the same time

“Thank you”

“For what?” He asked

“For making me feel better about myself” you answered

“Im glad to help and I meant what I said earlier, I’m going to spend the rest of the night taking care of you okay? Just tell me if you think of something that could make you sleep and I’ll do it for you. I mean it (y/n) whatever you need from me I got you” spencer said looking at you

“I got really lucky with you, didn’t I?” you asked

“Yes you did.” He replied smiling

#criminal minds #spencer reid fic #spencer x reader #criminal minds fanfiction

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peashooter85 · 3 years

Text

So not sleeping for long periods of time is bad apparently

So some of you know things at the hospital I work at got really bad with the covid situation. We almost got overwhelmed and ran out of machines, and we all were working very hard, pulling lots of overtime, lots of patients died the past three weeks. Things have gotten much better now, seems the wave of covid patients has subsided and I hope it stays that way but fear another surge will come in about another week.

About three weeks ago my cowowrker started having covid/flu like symptoms at work and a fever. Per protocol she had to go home and not come back until having two negative tests, which she did not have covid and was fine. As a result that day I worked a 16 hour shift, and since I worked throughout the night I agreed to have a day off, then work three 12 hour night shifts. Lets just say after that things went down hill. I couldn’t adjust my sleep back to day time and I got caught in a vicious cycle where I couldn’t sleep at night, but would fall asleep during the day, and thus be unable to fall asleep at night, and the cycle would get worse. All while we’re in the midst of a covid crises and working to exhaustion every day. Finally in about the last five days it got to the point where I just couldn’t sleep period. If anyone tells you sleep deprivation isn’t torture they’re full of malarkey. If the CIA was interrogating me I would have told all. I crashed and got to the point where I couldn’t function as a human being. I was having heart palpitations, I stopped eating, and man when I’m not eating you know things are bad. I didn’t even lose my appetite when I have those life threatening PE’s a year ago. I was a walking zombie during the day and an anxiety filled bundle of nerves wound up like a spring at night.. It got to the point where I broke, I went to the ER early morning after a sleepless night and I broke down and cried. The heart palpitations were especially distressing, just lying down hearing your heart pound in your chest can drive you mad. AND holy shit is it so distressing to be totally exhausted but only be able to sleep a few hours then wake up and not go back to sleep.

The ER doc who I know very well prescribed me Ativan and trazodone. He switches shifts and has had circadian rhythm disorders often and told me these will do the trick. I took an ativan when I got back this morning for the ER and I slept all day today. The heart palpitations have mostly subsided and I feel at ease but still tired. I love ativan thank you ativan. Been eating a lot because I’m starving since I stopped eating regularly yesterday. Gonna watch some youtube vids. play Witcher 3 for a while, then take another ativan and a trazodone as ordered and hopefully I’ll sleep all night tonight and be fine by tomorrow.

Why didn’t I become a lawyer like my parents told me to.

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shower-thoughts-last-responder · 3 years

Text

I'm going to talk about sleep hygiene for a minute here, I've made a new post bc the other one was getting a bit long and I've the shower fam that I know struggle with sleep; if I've missed anyone please @ them because this is one of those things that no one tells you about but is actually a really important life skill.

So what is sleep hygiene? Sleep hygiene is the term for all the little habits that can help you get have a good sleep. It mostly revolves around forming a pattern that will get your brain to think "okay, time to switch off". One of the first things you need to do is try to stop doing anything in your bedroom that isn't sleeping. Now I know if you live in shared accommodation/with your parents that's pretty much impossible but you can do is avoid watching TV, using tablets/phones/laptops, etc. in bed. What you're trying to do here is whenever you get into bed is get your brain to think "ah, time to switch off.

In a similar vain, it helps to build up a routine for bed. For example, brush your teeth, comb your hair, go to the toilet and change into your pyjamas is a good basic routine. I also include taking my meds, a hot drink and meditation (although I appreciate that a lot of people struggle with that and that's fine). It's just a matter of finding what works for you and again it's about getting your brain to understand that it needs to turn off now. It's also a good way of ensuring that you're taking your meds.

So you've got your routine but there's some other stuff to remember. Try to go to bed at the same time every night and to leave enough time to get enough sleep. Teens need about 8 - 10 hours in 24 and adults need about 6 - 9 but it varies from person to person. You can figure how much you need by getting as much sleep as you need (so no alarms, again easier said than done) for a week and timing how much you sleep.

On top of this you want to avoid using screens for about an hour before bed as the bright light makes your brain think it's day time. Similar, you want your room to be dark and quiet so you don't get disturbed during the night. If, like me, you do all your sleeping during the day then a set of blackout blinds and any kind of white noise generator is a life saver. I like rain noise but again, whatever works for you. You want to try and get your bedroom temperature to your own ideal and if you have/suspect you have ADHD then lowering the temperature can help. Daily exercise can also help but not in the run up to bed (it raises your heart rate and increase adrenaline).

You also want to try to avoid caffeine after 6 hours before bed; tea's not too bad, especially if you've built up a tolerance for it, but coffee and and energy drinks are a big no no. Heavy drinking will disrupt sleep (yes it it can help fall asleep but as it wears off it disrupts your sleep) and so does smoking. You also want to avoid large/heavy meals before as digestion and if you lie awake for 30 minutes it's best just to get up for a while and try again in a bit. Lying awake for hours makes it much harder to fall asleep.

Finally I'm just going to talk quickly about circadian rhythms but I'm not going into huge detail because it there's a lot information about it that's not really relevant to this topic. In essence it's a 24 hour cycle that dictates when your body wants to go to sleep and when it wants to be active. It is effected by light levels +which is why you need your bedroom to be dark when you're trying to sleep) and varies from person to person. That's why some people find early mornings extremely difficult and others can stay up late. As long as you're getting enough sleep, it's not so important where it falls but if you have to be up early it's worth doing some research into changing your rythem.

It's also worth remembering that if your disturbed sleep goes on for a long time it could be clinical insomnia and a sign that something else is going on. There's nothing wrong with speaking to a doctor if you're in a position to.

It's important to remember that these are habits that take time to form and take time to start working. Please don't beat yourself up if you mess it up at first or you don't see an immediate improvement; self-care is a skill and it takes time, practice and a lot of patience to develop. Take it from someone who's been there; it's something that I've been working on for nearly 5 years now and I've still got progress to make but I swear it's worth it in the end.

Feel free to tag anyone you think would benefit from seeing this and to ask questions if you have them (either on this post or dm/ask is fine.

@i-am-an-idiot @just-petty-thoughts @just-royal-thoughts @justdapperthoughts @just-haywire-thoughts @justfrogthoughts @sophisticated-gremlin-hunter @just-tripod-dog-thoughts @just-broken-thoughts @just-vanishing-thoughts @just-bubbly-responses @just-curtain-responses @dependent-thoughts @get-out-oftheshower-thoughts @just-bathbomb-thoughts @just-hatmaker-thoughts @just-restart-thoughts @fuck-showers-in-general

#sleep hygiene #cant sleep #i need sleep #sleep deprivation #tw insomnia

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fathoms-above · 3 years

Text

i procratinated so long we're practically at week 3 already- But! I have something to share for platober!

@platober2021central

🐝|🌈Week 2: SLEEPOVER🌈|🐝

The Nemesis is a bad place to try to sleep. It's a bad place for organic life in general, really, but sometimes the warship seems almost purposefully designed to prevent restful slumber especially. The lights seem to emit an awful hum like fluorescents, every single thundering step echoes off of the endless metal walls, and the complete lack of a day/night cycle makes adhering to a schedule downright brutal. And tonight is an especially rough night. Would be downright unmanageable, even if I weren't trying to sleep in the middle of an alien warship.

The restlessness seems inevitable.

Before I can give up on trying to sleep entirely, there's a shifting sound from the other end of the medical bay (the only place I feel comfortable enough to even try to sleep, if I'm being honest). The towering figure slouched in front of his datapad turns, and offers me the slightest of glances.

"Do you want company?"

I blink at that. Knox scowls, taking my silence for it's own answer.

"You've been shifting aimlessly for sixteen minutes now, and it is, frankly, distracting. If you cannot enter your, circadian rhythm, you will not be properly rested." Concern sits heavy in his voice, though his eyes are very careful to only leave his datapad for a moment. Somehow, the way the harsh light hits his faceplate makes him almost seem concerned. "If you're not going to sleep you'll be of no use to me."

I hum in response, barely bothering to lift my head from the lumpy pillow. "You almost sound like you care..." I'm half-mumbling to myself, not expecting him to overhear, though I, again, forget how keen his hearing is.

The surgeon whips his head towards me, brows drawn high in insult. "As your d-" He catches the words on his tongue. "If you're going to charge me with the task of being your brother, as you said, that makes it my job to look after you, doesn't it? I hardly have a choice in the matter, really. Just looking at the data-publicly available information, thank you- for five seconds tells me that pack mammals like yourself benefit from close contact with allies, and so..." He trails off, offering the space beside him almost with reluctance.

I want to snark something back, but the words get caught somewhere in my throat. Despite the nuisance, despite how I'm practically forcing my way with this, he seems to actually care about me. "You mean that?" I end up mumbling.

"Of course." He sniffs, turning back to his work like this is utterly mundane. "I may not be made of cold hard logic, but I am a doctor, you know."

The words hang heavy in the air, and I can't find anything to say. He slides over, leaving almost too much room for me next to him. "Humans enjoy this sort of thing, don't they?"

"Maybe when we're kids." I huff, but I don't have the energy to protest. The walk across the room to where he's sitting is short enough, and despite everything else, the medical bay isn't chilly enough that I resent not having my slippers. The space next to Knockout is also surprisingly warm, the soft whir of his processors practically bleeding warmth.

I pile my feather mattress on the hard surface and then curl up in the space next to him. Much as I might want to be contrary and resist, my little cocoon is warm and soft and cozy, and it's not long before I'm falling asleep.

"thanks," my eyes won't open on their own, and if I was more awake, I'd wonder if he'd heard them.

The hum that comes a few moments later, after my breathing has evened out and he's certain I'm asleep, answers anyway. "Think nothing of it."

#self ship #platober 2021 #writing #this is so /hard/#but im actually enjoying myself more than i thought i would #🐝#🌈#it's knock/out from tfp btw

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broccoliboix5peepeeman · 3 years

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Req: Shōto is the campus' delinquent. Nobody dare to cross him. Izuku is the campus' nerd. His low social status makes him an easy target of bullying. One day, they're paired together for a project. What starts out as a school assignment blossoms a beautiful friendship as they realized that they're the same. They're both no strangers to pain. Izuku sees Shōto as his own person despite his surname. Shōto sees hurt, pain & sadness behind Izuku's smiles. And eventually, they both fall in love.

Ooooo thank you for the request! :D

'Shoji and Tokoyami for group one. Uraraka and Asui for group two.'

'Yesss!' Uraraka muttered under her breath. Izuku smirked at his friend and nudged her with his elbow.

'Get in there!' He winked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, earning a frantic shhhhh from his friend.

'Momo and Kirishima for group four.' Aizawa called out. 'Jirou and Hagakure for group five.

'Ooo, halfway though, Dekuuu!' Uraraka sang quietly. 'Are you worried?'

'As long as it's not Kacchan, I don't mind.' He shrugged.

'Bakugou and Mineta for group seven.' Aizawa continued, tone bored, even as the blonde roared with protest.

'Thank fuck.' Izuku mumbled.

'Midoriya and Todoroki for group eight.' His teacher spoke, looking pointedly at him before focusing back on the sheet.

While Uraraka giggled next to him, Izuku froze, his posture straight and a look of shock on his face. He felt a pair of dichromatic eyes burning holes into his back, although he could just be paranoid.

Him and… Todoroki? UA's top heartthrob and bad boy, partnered with Izuku? Aizawa-Sensei had to be kidding, surely.

'Right, that's all of you.' Their teacher called out. 'Sit in your pairs and we'll go over the project in more detail.'

Immediately, the classroom broke out into excited chatter as everyone shouted across the room for their partner. Before Izuku could even say farewell to Uraraka, his friend had already jumped up from her seat to bounce towards where Tsu was sitting.

Izuku sighed and - with significantly less energy - got up to search the room for his partner. Of course, it didn't take long to spot him; even without the scar, Todoroki stood out like a sore thumb.

He sat towards the back of the room, slouched in his chair as he stared out of the window, unfazed by the chaos around him. The morning sun bathed his skin and made the crimson half of his hair shine. Izuku noticed that his classmate was wearing his signature leather jacket, covered in various badges and pins, along with a turtleneck, a pair of navy jeans that clung to his legs, and black combat boots.

It was no secret that Todoroki was the "most handsome guy in school", so it made sense that today was no different. It just didn't help Izuku in the slightest - in fact, it made it even harder for him to clear his throat and gather his attention.

'To- Todoroki-kun, hi!' He squeaked, a large smile plastered to his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. When the aforementioned turned to regard him nonchalantly, Izuku's nerves only exacerbated. 'Do you mind if I sit, seen as we're part- partners?'

When his classmate remained silent, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and laughed. 'Sorry about that by the way… I know you probably don't want to be stuck with someone like me.'

'Why are you apologising?' Todoroki raised an eyebrow. 'It's not your fault.'

You didn't deny it though… Izuku chewed on his lip for lack of a better response, until Todoroki eventually nodded to the seat next to him.

'Your reputation precedes you, Midoriya.' He commented as Izuku fumbled into his chair. 'As does mine. I don't mind working with you as long as you pull your weight. You may think I don't give a shit about grades, but you don't know me.'

Izuku turned to regard him with wide eyes, but Todoroki had already gone back to stare out of the window. 'Library after school. We'll make a start then. Can't be arsed going home and I assume you're not too keen on walking home at the same time as Bakugou.'

Izuku furrowed his eyebrows at that. He knew Todoroki could be blunt but… Oh well, he did have a point. Kacchan would jump him the moment they were out of the school gates - clearly wanting to release all that pent-up rage on Izuku because, for some reason, his old friend had made it his own personal goal to make him his punching bag.

'Sure.' Izuku replied, turning to face the front of the room as Aizawa told them all to quiet down. Why me?

☀️🌙

Izuku twirled his pen in his hand as he read through his notes in the library. If the librarian asked, it was school work, even if the "Hero analysis #27" scribbled over the cover was a dead give-away.

Izuku wanted to be a doctor, a hero who saves lives. Ever since he had learnt to read, he was fascinated by how the body worked and how to treat various ailments. His analysis books were where he stored all the information he had absorbed from his readings.

'Last time I checked, "loss of executive functioning in patients with primary progressive multiple sclerosis" wasn't on the syllabus.' A low voice spoke.

Izuku flinched so violently his elbow slammed into the back of his chair and he almost dropped his pen. He winced at the pain and looked up to find Todoroki gazing at him, unfazed by his display.

'T- Todoroki-kun!' A bright smile appeared on Izuku's face and he gestured to the seat opposite him. When his classmate took it, he quickly put away his notebook and replaced it with his psychology workbook and textbook. 'I was starting to think you'd forgotten.'

'I just had a few things to sort out.' Todoroki shrugged, taking out his own book.

Izuku nodded along, expecting him to elaborate, but apparently that wasn't his classmate's intention. Instead, they sat in awkward silence for several moments, until Izuku shook his head to ground himself and opened his textbook.

'Right, let's get started then.' He announced, a trained smile on his face. 'Aizawa-Sensei said we have to do a presentation on the sleep-wake cycle for ours, which is actually quite interesting. I had a quick look over lunch and I was thinking we could start the intro by covering the three different cycles. So, ultradian rhythms are cycles that are less than 24 hours and can repeat throughout the day, infradian rhythms are more than 24 hours - like the menstrual cycle - then we finish on circadian rhythms, which focuses specifically on sleep-wake cycle, then go on to talk about-'

Izuku paused then, realising he had definitely started to ramble there. He knew how much his peers found his habit annoying, so he was surprised that Todoroki hadn't interrupted him and told him to shut up before now.

'Why did you stop?' His classmate asked, genuinely confused.

'You… You understood all of that?' Izuku returned.

'Yes.' Todoroki showed him his workbook, where he had started writing Izuku's ideas down.

'But I was muttering…' Heat rose to his face as he inspected the page. 'You don't find that annoying?'

Todoroki frowned at that.

'Not really. Why would I?'

'Everyone else does.' Izuku mumbled, looking away.

'I'm not everyone else.' Todoroki scratched his cheek, just below his scar. Before Izuku could ask though, he cleared his throat. 'Anyway, I agree with you. Once we focus on circadian rhythms, we can go over the stages of sleep.'

'Sounds good to me!' Izuku beamed. 'We can talk about non-REM and REM too!'

'Yes.' Todoroki nodded. 'Then maybe go into the different areas involved in sleep, so photoreceptors and the pineal gland.'

'That's a great idea!' Izuku burst out, brain going a mile a minute. This was going easier than he had expected. 'Gosh, this is going to be so fun! Right, I know it's not entirely relevant to the presentation itself, but you know dolphins?'

'Yes, I know dolphins.' Todoroki huffed, tone slightly amused.

Was that almost a smile?!

'Well, their brains have a left and right hemisphere like we do, and when they go to sleep, they turn off one hemisphere and the other one stays awake so they can come up for air and stuff! Then they switch around when the first hemisphere is fully rested! Some sharks do it too, it's so interesting!'

Izuku paused for breath. When Todoroki said nothing in response and looked at him with an expression he couldn't quite place, Izuku blushed with embarrassment. 'S- Sorry…'

'No, you…' Todoroki spoke, his voice oddly gentle. 'That's the first time today I've seen you genuinely smile.'

… What?

'I'm always smiling.' Izuku tilted his head to the side. Smiling was his thing. Everywhere he went, he always made sure to smile, even if he was having a bad day. He smiled to put others at ease.

'It never reaches your eyes though.' Todoroki regarded him with something akin to understanding, albeit Izuku didn't know why. 'It's always fake.'

He winced at the wording.

'Does that bother you?' He twirled his pen and looked away, apprehension in his voice.

'A little.' Todoroki admitted. 'I understand why you lie, but I'd rather you be honest - at least, with me, I'd like you to be honest.'

Izuku considered his words. Despite the lack of malice in his tone, he still felt like he had been called out.

'I'm sorry.' He spoke, not knowing what else to say.

'You apologise a lot.' Todoroki stated. 'You don't owe anyone an apology, Midoriya.'

Izuku didn't like this. He didn't know where this was coming from and why Todoroki was saying all this. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was overwhelming. No one had ever called him out for his smiles before.

'I have to go.' He stood abruptly and gathered his books, stuffing them into his yellow backpack. Todoroki looked at him, mildly bewildered.

'Okay. When do you want to meet up next?' He asked before Izuku could book it out of there.

'Up to you.' He shrugged. ‘I can’t do tomorrow though.’

'How about Thursday after school?' Todoroki asked. 'We can go to my place - my old man is at the station all day then so he won't bother us.'

Izuku gulped at the idea of meeting Todoroki Enji, the city's chief of police who was rumoured to be as corrupt as they came.

'He definitely won't be there?' He twirled a loose green curl around his finger.

'I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't know for sure.' Todoroki raised an eyebrow. Izuku didn't know what to make of that.

'Okay, sure. I'll meet you at the front gates after class and we'll walk together.' When Todoroki nodded once, Izuku tried not to force a smile and mirrored the action. 'Great. Right, I've got to go. Bye!'

Before his classmate could say anything else, Izuku quick-walked out of the library. Once he exited the building, he broke into a run down the street. He liked running when he was anxious, it helped calm him.

Izuku sighed and thought of blue and grey eyes, staring into his soul. He then promptly tripped over his own two feet and landed on the floor with a thud.

Resigned to his fate, Izuku made no effort to get up and sighed heavily, cheeks squished against the pavement.

It was going to be a long few weeks.

☀️🌙

[Uwawaka: 17:05] Dekuuuuu!!! Todoroki-kun just cornered me and demanded your number?!?! Erm, have a nice life I guess? I get your shoes when you die

[Me: 17:09] Waitwaitwait WHAT?!?!?! YOU SAID YES?!

[Me: 17:10] URARAKA ANSWER ME

[Me: 17:12] I will eat your pet hamster, you whore

Izuku collapsed onto his bed and smacked his forehead with his palm. Several more minutes passed without a response and he was seriously considering calling her, when his phone suddenly vibrated.

He quickly scrambled for the device. However, when he unlocked it and saw the message, he gasped and threw his phone at the wall.

'Izuku!' His mum shouted from the kitchen. 'What was that?!'

'Nothing, mum! Sorry!' He shouted, moving to pick it back up.

[Unknown: 17.16] Is this Midoriya Izuku?

[Me: 17:18] Yes? Who is this?

Izuku knew full well who it was and added the number to his contacts anyway.

[Todoroki: 17:20] It's Todoroki from Aizawa's psychology class. I got your number from a friend. Hope you don't mind

Either Todoroki was downplaying the situation or Uraraka was being overdramatic. He honestly didn't know who to believe.

[Me: 17:21] No problem, what's up?

[Todoroki: 17:23] I was going to wait till tomorrow but evidently I have the patience of a toddler.

[Todoroki: 17:24] I wanted to apologise if I made you uncomfortable earlier. I shouldn't have indirectly accused you of lying when I do it all the time.

Izuku didn't even know where to start with unpacking that.

[Me: 17:27] You don't have to apologise, you were right. I just smile a lot to make others feel at ease. I didn't realise it could be mistaken for dishonesty if I'm not being genuine.

[Me: 17:27] You lie all the time?

It was bold to ask that, but he couldn't help himself. Izuku was a meddler, through and through. Plus, Todoroki mentioned it first so it wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk about it, he reasoned.

[Todoroki: 17:30] I can understand that. I'd just rather you be honest with me. After all, if you're not happy, it could affect our project

[Todoroki: 17:32] Well, I tell everyone that it's a birthmark on my face when it's clearly a scar. I told a dude I wasn't gay because I didn't want to go out with him. I have depression but deny it when I get asked about it. Then there's a bunch of other stuff that I haven't told anyone that I won't even get into, but yeah

'Wow okay...' Izuku puffed his cheeks out. ‘I guess the reason Todoroki-kun doesn’t talk much is because he’s a over-sharer, but it’s okay. You got this, Izuku.’

[Me: 17:33] Lying and not disclosing something aren't the same thing! But with the stuff you have lied about, I can understand why you don't want people to know, especially considering the way others treat me just because I'm different. And your scar isn't anyone's business except your own!

He pressed send, then hesitated over the keyboard.

[Me: 17:34] Also! If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here! We're friends now, aren't we? :)

Izuku stared at the screen, waiting for a response.

Several minutes passed without one and he was starting to question himself. However, just before Izuku could completely stress out over how badly he had fucked up, the screen brightened.

[Todoroki: 17:45] Thank you, Midoriya.

Izuku smiled at his phone.

That had gone better than he had expected.

☀️🌙

'Todoroki-kun!'

Shoto nodded to Midoriya, who was waiting by the gate. He was smiling again, but Shoto could tell he was nervous from the way his eyes were on high-alert, darting around the courtyard as if he were about to be attacked. Shoto didn't blame him though - in fact, he'd be more worried if his classmate wasn't on edge.

'Midoriya.' He greeted, once he reached his side. Due to the proximity though, he suddenly noticed the gravel rash that littered his new friend's jaw. 'What happened to you?'

'Er…' Midoriya blushed bright pink. Distantly, Shoto registered that it was actually quite cute, albeit he wouldn't admit it. 'I- I went for a run on Tuesday and tripped.'

'You should be more careful.' Shoto commented, eliciting a laugh from his classmate. 'I'm serious.'

'Yeah, I know but…' Midoriya cleared his throat. 'You just, you sound like my mum.'

His mum?

'Oh.'

'N- Not that that's a bad thing!' Midoriya frantically waved his hands in front of him. 'In fact, thank you… For caring, I guess. You're a kind person, Todoroki-kun!'

Shoto didn't know what to make of that. His stomach felt funny and his face was burning but he wasn't sure why. He coughed to compose himself.

'My house is this way.' He nodded in the right direction and they set off before Shoto could say or do anything he might regret.

The two of them walked in silence. Shoto noticed his classmate fiddling with the straps of his backpack as he mumbled to himself, but he said nothing. In fact, he found that he quite liked Midoriya's voice. It was quite soothing.

Suddenly, he saw a flash of blonde out of the corner of his eye and Shoto quickly looked to find Bakugou across the street. Midoriya hadn't noticed him yet, but Shoto recognised the sadistic smile plastered to Bakugou's face when he spotted the green-haired boy.

Shoto had a particular hatred of bullies, having grown up with one all his life. He knew about the general animosity between Midoriya and Bakugou, and how it had once ended up with the former out of school for almost a week when they were younger. Shoto also knew that Bakugou could be a violent fuck and, as a result, had never really bothered to talk to him.

Now though, Shoto saw the almost predatory look in his eyes as he smirked at Midoriya; he noticed how his classmate - his friend - froze at having been spotted.

'K- Kacchan…' Midoriya mumbled, a wobbly smile on his face. It made Shoto angry - not at Midoriya, but at Bakugou, and at himself for not intervening sooner, even though it wasn't really his problem.

Before he could stop himself, Shoto raised his arm and wrapped it around Midoriya's shoulder, bringing him close to his side. His classmate squeaked at the action, clearly tense.

'To- Todoroki-kun?!'

'Put your hand on my waist.' Shoto instructed, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. When Midoriya complied, snaking a trembling hand around him, Shoto hummed approvingly and looked up at Bakugou.

The blonde was watching them, mouth agape and clearly irritated. When he took a step towards them, Shoto flashed him a warning glare as if to say 'hands off', before pressing a swift kiss to Midoriya's fluffy curls to accentuate his point.

Bakugou stilled at that, his eye twitching, but Shoto knew he understood his position. On the social scale, Shoto was higher up than he was - as much as the latter wouldn't want to admit it - and so whoever Shoto said was off-limits was definitely off-limits. It didn't matter if it was an act or not.

The two of them continued forwards, watching as Bakugou eventually growled and skulked away. When he was out of sight, Midoriya audibly sighed and relaxed against him.

It was… Nice.

'Thank you.' His friend murmured. 'You didn't have to do that.'

'I wanted to.' Shoto shrugged. He knew he should relinquish his hold on Midoriya now that the threat had passed, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The warmth that radiated from his classmate's touch was calming. Plus, Midoriya didn't seem too eager to let go either, so it wasn't like he was taking advantage of him or anything.

When they eventually reached his house, Shoto reluctantly broke away to fumble in his pocket for his keys. To his surprise though, the door was already unlocked.

Caution in his stance, he slid the door open and checked the shoe rack to see who was home. When Fuyumi's work shoes and Natsuo's trainers came into view, he sighed with relief and opened the door fully to alert his siblings of his arrival. 'It's me!'

It was only then that he registered Midoriya regarding him anxiously. 'Don't worry, it's just my brother and sister.'

'O- Okay.'

Shoto nodded and stepped inside, removing his shoes and waiting for Midoriya to do the same. He then led the way through his house, hoping there wouldn't be any interruptions, but alas, it seemed the universe hated him.

'Shotoutoooo!!!' Natsuo's voice rang out, before his older brother appeared, leaning against the door frame of his room. When he noticed Midoriya, half hidden behind Shoto, he grinned mischievously. 'You brought a friend over!'

'You- You didn't tell them I was coming?!' Midoriya squeaked so only Shoto could hear.

'Yes, I brought a friend home. What of it?' He ignored him and raised an eyebrow at his brother, unamused.

'Nee-San saw you two getting all lovey dovey down the street.'

'I don't-'

'It's true. Don't deny it!' Fuyumi's voice echoed down the hallway, eliciting a cackle from Natsuo.

'Whatever.' Shoto placed a hand on his hip, exasperated. 'Midoriya and I have a psychology assignment to get done, so I'd appreciate it if you fucked off.'

'Nawww, come on! I'm just having fun!' Natsuo winked before looking past him to address Midoriya. 'Shotouto pretends to be an aloof bad boy, but really he's a big softie who loves strawberry milk and manga. Isn't that right, Sho-?'

'NATSUO-NII!' Shoto exclaimed, completely mortified. He grabbed Midoriya's arm and dragged him down the corridor. 'We'll be leaving now!'

'Nice to meet you, Midoriya-kun!' Natsuo called, before Shoto slammed his bedroom door shut and sighed against it.

'He seems nice.' A quiet voice muttered.

Shit. Shoto's eyes widened and he took a breath, composing himself before he turned around to face Midoriya, who was fiddling with his sleeve.

'He's a pain in the arse.' He grumbled, before he strode forwards and set up the chabudai table in his room. 'He always does it. Something about wanting to make up for lost time.'

'Lost time?' Midoriya asked, removing his backpack to help.

'My old man wanted to keep me separate from my siblings when we were younger. Something about "not wanting to soil the perfect child".' Shoto shrugged, gathering two cushions and handing one to Midoriya. 'So it wasn't until about a year ago that I actually got to speak to them.'

'What happened a year ago?' Midoriya was definitely being nosy, but for some reason, Shoto didn't mind it; part of him actually wanted to tell him, even though he had no idea why. Something just told Shoto that he could trust him.

Or it's just because he's the first person your age who has ever bothered to ask. Another part of his mind supplied.

When the two of them sat down on the cushions adjacent to each other, Shoto pulled out his laptop, while Midoriya provided the textbook and workbook.

'When I was younger, my mother used to live at home too. She tried to protect us when the old bastard would come home and want to take his anger out on someone. He liked to take it out on me especially - make sure I toughened up - but she'd always turn his attention on her. One night, when I was about eight, mother had a complete breakdown. She saw the left side of my face, thought I was him and well… The closest thing was the kettle and boom.' He gestured vaguely to his scar. 'That's how this happened.'

Shoto didn't miss the look of complete horror on Izuku's face. 'He sent her away after that, which meant things got worse for me and my siblings. Aizawa-Sensei noticed my bruises last year and we've been working to get him put away, but it's difficult considering his position. It also didn't help that he's caught onto us and is now trying to pretend that everything is better now. That's why I'm allowed to see Natsuo and Fuyumi. He's been trying to manipulate things but he can't pretend forever.'

Shoto trailed off then and silence fell over them. He watched Midoriya for his reaction. He had never told anyone about that before.

He stared at his friend, but his vision became distorted. He thought of his old man, of how his mother had called him "unsightly" before burning him, of how his siblings used to look at him with apprehension and fear.

Shoto frowned. 'Sometimes I wonder if I'm just as bad as him.'

His words were spoken barely above a whisper, but the way Midoriya's head snapped to attention evidently showed that he had heard him.

'You know, Todoroki-kun…' He spoke gently, determined eyes finally meeting Shoto's own. 'I can't possibly understand everything you went through, but I do know this.'

A calloused hand landed on Shoto's shoulder and his vision re-focused to find a small smile gracing Midoriya's face. 'You're not your father. You're Todoroki Shoto, you're a kind person and you're my friend. He can't even compare to you.'

Shoto's mouth opened, but no words came out. Midoriya's words played on repeat in his head.

You're not your father. You're Todoroki Shoto.

He managed to turn his head away, hair hiding the stray tear that had fallen from his eye.

You're a kind person and you're my friend.

'Todoroki-kun, are you okay?'

So many thoughts were screaming inside his head. It was deafening, with Midoriya's words playing loudest of all.

He can't even compare to you.

'Toilet.' Shoto stood abruptly, pointedly not facing his classmate, and strode out of the room, ignoring Midoriya's bewildered shriek. He slid open the door to the bathroom opposite and shut himself away, turning the light on before he braced himself against the sink. His knuckles turned as white as the porcelain and he tried to calm his breathing.

Why was he acting like this? He was supposed to be calm, composed, aloof.

Just like father wanted. An unhelpful part of his mind taunted as tears streamed down his face. He felt a sob build up in the back of his throat. Hold it together. You're pathetic.

'Todoroki-kun.' His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. 'Should I get Natsuo or Fuyumi?'

'No!' Shoto exclaimed, a little harsher than he had intended. When Midoriya didn't immediately respond, he started to worry that he had scared him away.

'Okay.' His classmate eventually spoke, voice muffled due to the door. 'Can I come in?'

You don't want him to see you like this. You're supposed to be better than this-

'Yes.' He choked out, not looking up when the door slid open.

Gentle footfalls echoed on the tiles until Shoto felt a warm presence at his side. Midoriya then crouched down next to the sink to look up at Shoto.

'What's going through your mind?' He asked.

Everything.

'What you said just now, about me being kind and…' He swallowed heavily. 'You didn't mean it, did you? You were just saying it to make me feel better, right?'

'Oh, Todoroki-kun.' Midoriya gazed at him sadly. 'Of course I meant it. You told me to be honest with you, remember?'

Shoto leant his elbows on the sink to hold his face in his hands as he cried silently, only his ragged breathing exposing him.

He heard Midoriya shuffle to his feet. 'Can I… Can I hug you?'

Shoto blanked at that. Of all the things his friend could have said, he hadn't expected that. He furrowed his brow. When was the last time he had been properly hugged? With Fuyumi? His mother?

'Why?' He found himself asking instead, lowering his hands to look at Midoriya, who smiled softly at him.

'Because you look like you need it and I'm an expert hugger.'

Shoto blinked dumbly for a moment, regarding kind eyes, a genuine smile and open arms that radiated comfort, then slowly nodded.

'O- Okay…' He whispered.

Midoriya's smile brightened and he stepped forward, slowly wrapping his arms around Shoto's neck. One hand rested against his shoulder blades, while the other gently held the back of his head, guiding Shoto to the crook of Midoriya's neck. He went willingly and basked in the warmth, immediately relaxing against his friend.

Crooked fingers stroked his hair as Midoriya leant his head against him and he quickly became overwhelmed with emotion. Kind touches were so foreign to him that he usually hated the idea of physical contact. He didn't know why he had let Midoriya in, but he was glad he did.

A broken sob suddenly escaped him and he gingerly returned the hug, squeezing Midoriya's waist and clinging to his shirt. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, Midoriya's voice whispering words of encouragement until his eyes were dry, his friend's shirt was soaked and his throat was hoarse.

'I'm sorry.' He mumbled against Midoriya's neck. 'I don't know what came over me.'

'You don't owe anyone an apology.' His classmate quickly assured, echoing Shoto's words from a few days ago. 'Do you feel better?'

'I don't know.' Shoto answered honestly. Sure, letting his tears fall after years of bottling everything up was cathartic, but he had also unloaded all of his problems onto someone else just because of one comment; it made him feel disgusted at himself.

'It's okay not to be sure right now.' Midoriya pulled back to look him in the eye. 'I'll always be here to talk if you need, Todoroki-kun. We're friends and I want to help.'

Shoto must have pulled a face, because his classmate huffed, amused. 'It's an open offer. We can leave it for now.'

'Thank you, Midoriya.' Shoto didn't elaborate, but he didn't think he needed to, based on the way his friend's smile brightened.

'Shall we go work on our project for a bit?' Midoriya asked patiently. 'Then maybe we could watch a movie or something? I saw your Ghibli badges on your jacket - maybe we could watch one of them?'

Shoto wiped his eyes with his fist and nodded.

'That sounds nice.'

☀️🌙

'How could you?!' Izuku exclaimed, hand over his heart, horrified as his mum showed Todoroki his baby photos.

He had left them alone for one minute to get snacks, and now his soon-to-be-disowned mother was huddled up with his friend on the sofa, flicking through a photo album like it wasn't the most embarrassing thing in the world.

The two hardly spared him a glance, before continuing to point and giggle at baby Izuku in a hero onesie.

'Midoriya really is cute.' Todoroki smiled warmly and Izuku's cheeks suddenly felt a little hotter. 'How old was he in this one?'

It had been several weeks since their project had been assigned. Despite the emotional outbursts, they had managed to get their presentation done and performed. Their grades were still being determined, but Izuku was confident that they had done well.

That wasn't all that had happened though. Ever since that day Todoroki had opened up about his past, the two of them had grown closer, frequently texting and hanging out at Izuku's after school. They even spent their free periods together, which seemed to intrigue and confuse a lot of students. After all, Todoroki was the scary, mysterious pretty boy and Izuku was a self-identified nerd who liked to mumble to himself. Neither of them really cared about what their peers thought though.

As the days turned into weeks, however, Izuku realised that not only were people no longer tormenting him in the corridors, but Todoroki had started to smile more. Whenever Izuku would ramble about anatomy, he would listen, lips upturned and process every word with interest. Izuku loved his friend's smile and each one felt special because Izuku had caused it.

It took a single conversation with Uraraka to realise what was happening, and another one with Fuyumi to gain the courage to do what he was about to do.

'Mum, could I talk to Todoroki-kun alone for a minute?' Izuku rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. His mum knew about his crush - she had easily picked up on it due to Izuku's habit of muttering about the things he liked - so he hoped she would take the hint.

'Okay, sweetheart.' She grinned when Izuku's jaw dropped, mortified at the endearment. He also didn't miss the way Todoroki bit his bottom lip slightly with amusement.

Before Izuku could chastise her for clearly inappropriate behaviour in front of company, his mum closed the album and stood. 'I'll be in my room if you need me.'

When the door shut behind her, Izuku sighed with relief.

'I love her more than anything but I swear she gets some sort of sick satisfaction in seeing me suffer.' He groaned.

'I think she's great.' Todoroki smiled up at him. It lit up his entire face, no matter how small, and Izuku thought he looked beautiful.

Focus!

'So what did you want to talk about?' His friend asked, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other.

'You're a dear friend to me and I know we weren't close until recently, but you've become a big part of my life.' He began, fiddling with his hands to ease his nerves. 'I'm sorry, I don't really know how to say this.'

'It's okay.' Todoroki spoke, his smile vanishing. 'I understand if you feel like it's too much. Sometimes I can get a bit overwhelmed by all this - having a friend - but I treasure your friendship too, so I'll respect your decision if you want to stop-'

'Wait, what?' Izuku exclaimed. 'I'm trying to tell you that I have a crush on you, not that I don't want to be friends.'

Shoto stared at him with wide eyes.

…

Oh fuck.

Izuku slapped a hand over his mouth and let out a strangled cry as realisation set in. He wasn't even that surprised at having admitted his feelings; he was surprised at how easy it had been.

What wasn't easy was the look of uncertainty on Todoroki's face.

'Midoriya…'

'I'm so sorry for making you uncomfortable-'

'I have a crush on you too, I think.'

That was the thing he least expected his friend to say.

'You do?'

'Yeah.' Todoroki scratched at his flushed cheek, no longer looking like his usually-composed self and instead rather vulnerable. 'I've known for a while that I feel different towards you compared to others. I feel… Safe around you, like I can trust you, and while everyone calls you plain-looking, I think you're actually quite cute.'

Izuku felt like his head was going to explode. One, Todoroki had just called him cute; two, his crush just admitted to feeling safe around him; and three, Todoroki was looking at him with such sincerity that his chest ached.

'That makes me so happy, Todoroki-kun, you have no idea.' He whispered, tears spilling from his eyes. 'I feel the same about you, except you're not cute, you're… Actually quite breathtaking.'

When he was met with silence, Izuku looked up to find Todoroki looking at him with amusement.

'Well now you've made me look bad.' He huffed, standing up and walking towards him.

'You could never look bad. That was my whole point. ' Izuku quipped, before suddenly being enveloped in a hug.

That was another thing about their relationship that surprised Izuku in a good way: Todoroki, touch-starved most of his life, had become particularly fond of cuddles. Now, Izuku had no qualms with this - he encouraged his friend to smother him with hugs whenever he needed it - but this hug felt different. Several emotions were communicated in that moment.

It almost felt desperate, yet hopeful.

'I'll have to thank Aizawa for pairing us up for that project.' Todoroki murmured against his neck, eliciting a short laugh from Izuku.

'Yeah definitely.' He pulled away to take his friend's hand, interlocking their fingers. 'We can thank him together.'

Todoroki huffed with mirth.

'I like the sound of that.'

#tododeku #quirkless AU #midoriya izuku #todoroki shoto #minor tsuchako #tw: mentions of past abuse #lovely people #AgarJelly writes #and now i sleep #words don't look like words anymore

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screwfriend6 · 3 years

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Will Ibuprofen Make You Sleazy

I've seen many ads on the television and in magazines asking, "will ibuprofen make you sleepy?" It seems like every time you turn your head, you are pelletized with a new ad for this or that. The truth is that many of these medications have the opposite effect. They can actually make you more drowsy. You may wonder how this happens and what to do about it.

One of the side effects of NSAIDs is that they tend to dull your sense of smell. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just something that you need to be aware of. Because the receptors in your nose are so sensitive, you should avoid antihistamines as well. They may mask some of the side effects, but they can also mask the true problem.

Another common side effect is that they can cause gas buildup in the stomach. Some people are prone to this condition. Other people are not. This can lead to indigestion and heartburn. It can also lead to other problems like ulcers in the esophagus and stomach, bleeding, and vomiting.

Of all the NSAID side effects, one of the worst is that they can interfere with the body's natural circadian rhythm. The body clock in your body keeps you running on auto-pilot. When you get a hangover you probably don't remember much of the conversation with your friend. When you take ibuprofen, the cycle shifts. You feel good, have a drink, go to sleep, then wake up feeling lousy.

This will ibuprofen make you sleepy in two different ways. One, it will prevent your body from getting enough of the necessary chemicals that will make you feel good when you are awake. Two, it will interfere with your natural sleep cycle. When you go to bed, your body releases certain chemicals that help you drift off to sleep. When you take ibuprofen, it interrupts this natural sleep pattern and makes it difficult or impossible to sleep.

The other way that ibuprofen will make you sleepy is by giving you the opposite reaction to the one you want. Your body actually releases certain chemicals when you are asleep, some of which are actually depressants. These will affect you mentally. You may be less productive at work, not able to stay up past midnight, and have an inability to stay alert during the day. In addition, you will find that you have trouble concentrating at work because you are waking so often and having trouble focusing.

The long-term affects of taking ibuprofen will vary by individual. Many people experience no side effects at all, while others begin to have trouble sleeping after taking ibuprofen for a few months. In fact, some people experience such severe side effects that they end up in therapy for depression. If you are taking medication for any condition, it is important to talk with your doctor before starting ibuprofen. There could be some other underlying issues causing your depression or anxiety that could be resolved by treating those problems instead of suppressing your natural hormones.

If you are taking medications for any type of condition, it is especially important to keep your doctor informed about your medical history. Some drugs, such as anti-anxiety medications, can make you drowsy. Others, such as estrogen therapy for menopause, have similar effects. Talk to your doctor about any concerns you might have regarding the effects of ibuprofen on your particular condition or medications. A registered medical doctor is the best resource for determining the best course of treatment for you.

If you are taking medications for depression, you might also experience side effects like headache, muscle tension, dry mouth, or even increased appetite. If you are experiencing these symptoms, you should report them to your physician immediately. Ibuprofen is not known to carry serious side effects, but if you do experience an adverse reaction, you should stop taking the medication. It is possible for you to receive relief from these side effects by combining the medicine with another form of therapy.

While ibuprofen can relax the muscles of the stomach and relieve pain, it will not make you feel good when you take it. If you are depressed or anxious, you should avoid taking ibuprofen. This will help you to reduce your risk for depression and anxiety disorders. Instead, try to relax or exercise to reduce stress. If you continue to experience difficulty sleeping after you take ibuprofen, you should see a doctor.

When you combine drugs with anti-depressants, the combination can have more serious side effects than the anti-depressant alone. If you decide to combine these two medications, you should discuss them with your doctor thoroughly. Some individuals find that combining drugs will result in increased comfort and results. Your physician will be able to help you choose an alternative treatment regimen for depression and anxiety disorders. As always, it is best to talk to your doctor before taking any medications. Avoid taking any medication if you are pregnant, nursing, or taking any other medication that could alter your normal medications or result in severe side effects.

#ibuprofen

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cordytriestowrite · 4 years

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Floating Away (Until You Catch Me)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

One shot

Summary: Set somewhere after Civil War if you squint really hard. Festuring house arrest, a bad relationship with gravity, and telling yourself "you need to get out more"

You woke up on the ceiling. It wasn't surprising, more like a depressing, sigh-worthy familiar step back to when you were fifteen and you couldn't stop your feet from lifting off the ground and rising and rising to some confining limit. You were older now and happily slumbering cuddled up to gravity every night, until three days ago.

Getting up was like unsticking yourself from a gluey fly trap. Every muscle strained to lift an appendage from its stubborn place and by the end you were hurtling toward the ground, too exhausted to even protect yourself from the impact. With a groan you let yourself lay face down on the plush carpet and imagine if you fell asleep right here you wouldn't wake up to the same cycle.

Eventually you got up, feeling guilty wallowing when you heard movement through the shared wall of the room next to yours.

You heard him, every night, moaning and sobbing and screaming in his sleep even through the thick wall. Everything he did was loud, as if he did everything against your shared wall. Oddly enough he was only ever loud in his room. The few times you had seen him around the property the man, Bucky, looked like he only ever learned to talk through wide, soulful puppy dog eyes and a tiny crease between his eyebrows. He was surprisingly light on his feet, barely heard moving between rooms. You weren't the only two here, hiding from something beyond the safety of the hidden house, masqueraded by magic and foliage, but sometimes it felt like it with his pained wimpers lulling you into an uneasy sleep.

Steve was visiting today. He did that now that Bucky was here. Every day he stopped by he offered you a stilted smile and a cautionary onceover before dropping formalities and going for the true reason he was here. Today they decided to take a walk and what a good day for such a thing. You could feel the warmth when you pressed your hand against the window, could see the gentle cotton clouds rolling leisurely across the vast blue sky. Neither man seemed to be appreciating their surroundings as you were stuck inside, they were too wrapped up in their conversation. Their voices didn't carry but Bucky's expression gives away enough to follow its tumbling path downward to what very well could be an argument.

You knew who Bucky was to Steve, had been to the museums and were told the stories by history books and teachers, but history books couldn't capture what you were seeing firsthand; a friendship, crumbled and made weak with time and tragedy, being rebuilt brick by brick. Except Bucky wasn't helping Steve rebuild sometimes, instead snatching brick after brick and building his own walls higher and higher. It was happening now, even at a distance you could see Bucky's gaze harden under a heavy brow.

Bucky's eyes drew away from Steve with an exaggerated roll and fold of his arms and when they stopped tumbling those eyes landed right on you.

Like a shot you moved down out of sight, as if his eyes had not been trained on you but a gun with an eager finger on the trigger. Lightning bolts of pain bloomed upward from your knees where they harshly landed on hardwood and your breath left your lungs as if being chased out by your galloping heartbeat. Danger, your brain was screaming, Danger!

Danger never came for you, but eventually Wanda did, prying you from the floor with gentle fingers digging into your ribs.

Steve was gone by dinner but Bucky's bad mood remained. You could feel it. It lingered in every room he left, making it impossible for you to relax. When the sun went down and the hour ran late you still felt him, his frustrations coming out as sharp yelps through your shared wall. By the time you fell asleep your tired body wasn't even touching the mattress.

Consciousness eluded you hours after you would usually be awake. There wasn't a need for an alarm here, no job to get to or people to meet. You were here day after day developing a circadian rhythm naturally, one that was thrown off cycle by the late hour the night before.

Your eyes pried themselves open, feeling strained and crusty. You had to stop and wonder for a second if you were hungover. Between your heavy lids and foggy mind it felt eerily similar. And then there was the fact that you were stuck to the ceiling again.

Right arm, left leg, right leg, left arm; your method was tried and true to get you down in the least precarious way possible. It would take you double the time it usually did with how sluggish your body was moving, might as well close your eyes and stave off the burgeoning headache while you work. With a groan of relief you managed to get your right arm free and dangling below you. Maybe you'd take a break, catch your breath, before starting on the next limb.

"Is this why you're so noisy in the mornings?"

The question startled your eyes open, searching wildly for the source. The voice stood on the edge of familiarity and the person speaking stood at the edge of your vision. Your eyes and neck strained to see just a little further before a throb behind your temples forced your surrender. With warmth in your cheeks and a frantic tug to your next limb you decided to ignore the question until you could answer it with some dignity.

A hand wrapped around your dangling forearm giving it a gentle, experimental tug. You couldn't help the small noise of discomfort from escaping as your shoulder pulled away and your body felt precariously off center.

"My leg next. Left leg."

If Bucky was going to try to help, and now you knew it was Bucky as he entered your line of sight, you would have to let him in on your extraction methods. He nodded, not looking up at you but staring beyond where you can see. He walked toward your lower half and a few moments later he reappeared within your vision holding the room's uncomfortable desk chair. He set it down just below your legs and stepped up, hand ghosting over various parts of your legs before grasping your ankle.

He pulled gingerly, testing your body's resistance. His force increased steadily until you could feel your leg losing contact with the uncomfortable plaster. From there it seemed Bucky had figured out your method of extraction as he moved on to your other leg without needing to ask.

The thing about having three of four limbs free is that gravity starts to overpower your own stubborn powers. Your back was losing its hold and soon you would be suspended by less and less until bam, you're face down on the floor making all that noise Bucky mentioned earlier.

Except this time it's different, Bucky was here and Bucky was below you grabbing your legs and wrapping them around his waist and when the last of your body was let go it landed straight onto Bucky Barnes' strong, warm back. You took a moment, leaning your full weight against him with languid relief. He didn't seem to mind, letting you take deep breaths that ruffled the hair on the back of his neck. His hair was clean, still slightly damp from his morning shower, the one he managed to take before you even woke up. As if reading your mind Bucky's chest rumbled underneath you with an almost soundless chuckle.

"I wondered what you did every morning to cause such a racket."

He couldn't see your face but you hid it in his back anyway muffling your voice.

"Sorry about that."

Bucky's hands loosened around your thighs and you could feel yourself slipping down to the floor. Reluctantly you set foot on solid ground and let your arms fall away from the broad shoulders they were wrapped around. No part of you was touching Bucky anymore and you were just standing there, looking at his back trying to find the right words to say after what just happened. You should thank him, you should maybe explain yourself, tell him this doesn't happen all the time, just when he yells and moans in his sleep. Bucky doesn't seem to find any words either but instead of dwelling on them he casts a quick glance at you over his shoulder and walks away, closing the door behind him.

Bucky takes another walk outside but this time Steve isn't here to join him. He enters and leaves your vision intermittently. Sometimes he's visible through the windows, allowing you to track him from room to room. Sometimes he treks just beyond the treeline and you hold your breath until he can be spotted again. You knew there was danger beyond the property and a shield of magic separating you from it, but in your mind's eye you imagined Bucky walking right through that barrier and out into a world that wished to lock him up, the same world that wanted to mark you as different and thus dangerous. Your toes scrambled for purchase on the tile floor of the kitchen, sudsy hands grasping the lip of the sink as you took desperate breaths until those thoughts quieted.

You weren't even like them, those you hid with and those hiding you. You had asked for help is all, but in asking for help you brought about an attention you never wanted and now your "powers", as useless as they were, would forever define you as a threat. An accidental fugitive, a bystander-turned-victim, and a further prisoner of your own, uncontrollable abilities.

Bucky was back from beyond the treeline and your feet were falling back to solid ground. Your grip on the sink was the only thing keeping your full weight from rolling your ankle unnaturally.

The front door opened then closed and you could hear the muffled voice of Wanda then Bucky's, though just barely, in response. Words were few here between the three of you; you and Wanda had a couple weeks of conversation before Bucky's arrival a few days ago and Bucky wasn't a man of many words. You resumed your chore as silence yet again engulfed the house, making quick work of the remaining dishes now that Bucky wasn't catching your eye through the window.

"Something wrong with the dishwasher?"

You half turned, offering Wanda a smile before realizing Bucky had joined you as well. With silent steps he maneuvered around Wanda to the refrigerator. With his head now blocked from view by the open door you blinked and turned around, clearing your throat before answering.

"Dishwasher's fine, just goes too quick."

Wanda makes a sound of understanding. As a comrade of boredom she too has found herself stretching out menial tasks. Wanda kept you company as you finished up, a silent but friendly presence just over your left shoulder. If you went by instinct you would say it was only you and Wanda in the room, but the few times you dared to glance to your right confirmed Bucky was still there as well.

It was Vision who visited today and Wanda's eyes lit up in a way they rarely do when he wasn't around. You tried not to watch them, but there was so little else to do when you had spent weeks cooped up in the same house. It's why Bucky took so many walks, why Wanda and Vision had snuck away to her room after breakfast and hadn't come out since even though it was long past lunch time and rapidly approaching dinner.

You hated staying in your room. Minutes after waking up and, more recently, ungluing yourself from the top of it you would high tail it out of there like it was a burning building. Now you were intimately familiar with every other room in the house except those occupied by your housemates. Outside, you wanted to go outside again. You had taken it for granted in your early days here, before your feet left the floor on their own accord. You had walked the property only a handful of times not realizing you would be made hostage of the house.

Maybe you envied Bucky, maybe that's why you watched him so intensely through the windows. You wanted his freedom to walk in the open air, beneath a blue sky, unhindered and uncomplicated. You wanted to feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair and your hand in his as he pulled you between copse of foliage and kissed you breathless, the bark of a tree digging into your back as he pushed your body against it with his.

Envy. Envy and Lust. Stemming from two sources and culminating into one vivid fantasy that was as new and confusing to you as a foreign language heard for the first time. You shook your head and sat straighter against the sunken couch cushion and turned the volume up on the television. You should close the blinds, at least to get Bucky out of your mind. And if you were going to imagine stolen kisses between the trees you could at least save yourself the embarrassment of looking Bucky in the eye after.

A body planted itself heavily next to you, causing the cushions to sag with the new weight. Bucky let out a deep sigh and stretched his arms across the back of the couch. You were practically nestled into his side as he settled in, spreading his legs wide and connecting you from shoulder to knee. Bucky always seemed like a guy who appreciated personal space, keeping himself at arms length from others with few exceptions, your first granted exception occuring the other morning. You opened your mouth, intending to ask Bucky if he was okay, like maybe he hit his head outside or had a bout of heat stroke, but before you could utter a word Bucky spoke.

"Think they'll take a break for dinner?"

He wasn't looking at you, his eyes affixed to the tv. He's brow was furrowed as if he was concentrating on being brooding and serious but the upward twitch of his lips clued you in. Bucky was making a joke.

"It's sweet." You counter, thinking all to easily back to your own wistful fancy.

He made a sound from deep in his chest that you couldn't quite interpret. Out of the corner of your eye you could see Bucky's metal thumb tap tap tapping over your shoulder.

"They're lucky." you started, your voice cracking as your mouth was suddenly dry and tongue heavy.

"To find each other with everything that's going on."

He was looking at you now, brow still furrowed over stormy blue eyes. He searched your face, eyes flitting from one side to the other in quick movements. You held your breath the whole time, and Bucky was taking his sweet time if the burning in your lungs was any indication. He eventually emitted another chest-deep note and turning back to the tv.

Wanda and Vision didn't come out for dinner and neither you nor Bucky moved from the way you had settled together.

"Let's go for a walk." Bucky said out of the blue over breakfast.

This was unexpected in multiple ways; one, Bucky had joined you and Wanda at the table for breakfast instead of grabbing a plate of food and eating it with his hip against the counter and two, because he had never once extended an invitation to join him in doing anything. Your eyes met Wanda's mirroring her expression of surprise. She swallowed her mouthful of toast before offering Bucky a warm smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Sure. After breakfast?"

Bucky nodded and hunched back over his plate, effectively walling it in like he was afraid someone would knick something if he let his guard down.

You were back in your room putting on your shoes. It felt odd, moving the laces into the well practiced tangle and knowing that once you were done you were going outside. Maybe you shouldn't go.

"Ready?"

Bucky's knuckles rapt against your doorframe, his other hand nestled in the front pocket of his jeans and his hip cocked outward with casual ease.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah. Totally"

You shrugged off the nerves but they only migrated lower into your stomach leaving it aching and jittery. You smiled through it, clenching your jaw tight to keep your teeth from chattering. Bucky's mouth remained full and pouty but his eyes warmed. He tilted his head back to the living room and the front door beyond.

You let out a breath, feeling it stutter in your chest. And your hands, how were they so sweaty? You scraped your palms down your thighs as you passed Bucky, hiding the action from his view in an attempt to save face. Bucky's steps were close behind yours and Wanda was already waiting by the door effectively preventing escape. But you didn't want to escape, not really, not this moment. How many hours lately had you spent wistfully staring outside?

It was just a few steps. Six, actually. You counted each one in your head until you were there with your toes peeking over the threshold.

There was no porch, no overhang beyond the front door to transition slowly away from safety. Wanda was already strolling right into the thick of it, the sun shining off her vibrant red locks. She looked radiant.

Your right foot raised, ready to just go for it, when a sudden weight fell upon your shoulders. Your heart jumped against your ribs leaving a painful, organ shaped bruise just beneath your skin.

Bucky's face was tilted toward you, forehead just barely glancing off your temple. His breath came out in gentle puffs into your ear as his baritone voice whispered

"I won't let you float away out here."

You let out a laugh, more like a nervous squawk, and nodded moving forward when Bucky pulled you both out of the doorway and into the sun.

There is a warmth you can only get from the sun shining against your skin and it gave you a burst of energy you hadn't realized you were missing out on until now. You were suddenly giddy, practically jumping with each step to catch up with Wanda. Unspeaking you all fell into step on an unmarked path, weaving through trees and navigating over fallen branches. Bucky's arm was a welcome presence, especially during those steps when it felt harder to bring your foot back to the earth. During these missteps you gripped Bucky's waist just a little bit tighter and when you did he chuckled low in his throat and knocked his head tenderly against yours, like the moment was an inside joke and not the man literally saving you from floating off into the sky like an untethered balloon.

"I wish you could always do this for me."

Your tongue was loose with an almost drunken glee, but Bucky only smiled back letting his eyes crinkle at the edges. It made you want to kiss him and in a moment of delirious exuberance you did.

It was only on the cheek, at least the first one, but then Bucky turned his face and leaned in and your lips were against his in a real, full on kiss.

"It's hot. I'm going to uh, go back inside."

Neither of you could get a word out before Wanda practically jogged back toward the house.

A rather sudden snore woke you from your deep sleep making you groggily wonder if it was you who let out that rumbling snort. You turned onto your side willing your brain to stay in sleep mode when your body was pulled back over onto your back by a forceful hand on your hip.

"No." Bucky mumbled, pulling against your hip harder until you close enough for him to toss a leg over.

Who knew Bucky was such a cuddler?

Sleep covered you like a warm blanket soon enough, only for another sound-barrier-breaking snore to jolt you back to consciousness. Bucky's breathing quickened and when you cracked one eye open you could just make out the features of his face screwed up. Like lead your hand moved slowly to cup Bucky's cheek giving him a sleepy sush.

"I got you Buck."

He let out a noise that you decided to accept as an answer. You waited a few minutes but Bucky didn't let out any more pained noises or heavy snoring. Satisfied you could finally get back to sleep you turned on your side and pressed your back flush to Bucky, making sure his vibranium arm was ironclad over your stomach keeping your body pinned to the mattress. The ceiling wouldn't have you this time.

"And you got me."

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