#it celebrates people coming from a place where they felt lost in their life

[ghelgheli]

In contrast with professional drag queens, who were only playing at being women onstage, [Esther] Newton learned that the very bottom of the gay social hierarchy was the province of street queens. In almost total contrast to professional queens, street queens were "the underclass of the gay world." Although they embraced effeminacy, too, they did so in the wrong place and for the wrong reason: in public and outside of professional work. As a result, Newton explained, the street queens "are never off stage. Their way of life is collective, illegal, and immediate." Because they didn't get paid to be feminine and were locked out of even the most menial of nightlife jobs, Newton observed that their lives were perceived to revolve around "confrontation, prostitution, and drug 'highs'." Even in a gay underworld where everyone was marked as deviant, it was the sincere street queens who tried to live as women who were punished most for what was celebrated-and paid-as an act onstage. When stage queens lost their jobs, they were often socially excluded like trans women. Newton explained that when she returned to Kansas City one night during her fieldwork, she learned that two poor queens she had met had recently lost their jobs as impersonators. Since then, they had become "indistinguishable from street fairies," growing out their hair long and wearing makeup in public-even "passing" as girls in certain situations," in addition to earning a reputation for taking pills. They were now treated harshly by everyone in the local scene. Most people wouldn't even speak to them in public. Professional drag queens who didn't live as women still had to avoid being seen as too "transy" in their style and demeanor. One professional queen that Newton interviewed explained why: it was dangerous to be transy because it reinforced the stigma of effeminacy without the safety of being onstage. "I think what you do in your bed is your business," he told Newton, echoing a middle-class understanding of gay privacy, "[but] what you do on the street is everybody's business."

The first street queen who appears in Mother Camp is named Lola, a young Black trans girl who is "becoming a woman,' as they say'." Newton met Lola at her dingy Kansas City apartment, where she lived with Tiger, a young gay man, and Godiva, a somewhat more respectable queen. What made Godiva more respectable than Lola wasn't just a lack of hormonal transition. It was that Godiva could work as a female impersonator because she wasn't trying to sincerely live as a woman. Lola, on the other hand, was permanently out of work because being Black and trans made her unhireable, including in female impersonation. When Newton entered their apartment, which had virtually no furniture, she found Lola lying on "a rumpled-up mattress on the floor" and entertaining three "very rough-looking young men." These kinds of apartments, wrote Newton, "are not 'homes.' They are places to come in off the street." The extremely poor trans women who lived as street queens, like Lola, "literally live outside the law," Newton explained. Violence and assault were their everyday experiences, drugs were omnipresent, and sex work was about the only work they could do. Even if they didn't have "homes," street queens "do live in the police system."

As a result of being policed and ostracized by their own gay peers, Newton felt that street queens were "dedicated to "staying out of it" as a way of life. "From their perspective, all of respectable society seems square, distant, and hypocritical. From their 'place' at the very bottom of the moral and status structure, they are in a strategic position to experience the numerous discrepancies between the ideals of American culture and the realities." Yet, however withdrawn or strung out they were perceived to be, the street queens were hardly afraid to act. On the contrary, they were regarded by many as the bravest and most combative in the gay world. In the summer of 1966, street queens in San Francisco fought back at Compton's Cafeteria, an all-night venue popular with sex workers and other poor gay people. After management had called the police on a table that was hanging out for hours ordering nothing but coffee, an officer grabbed the arm of one street queen. As the historian Susan Stryker recounts, that queen threw her coffee in the police officer's face, "and a melee erupted." As the queens led the patrons in throwing everything on their tables at the cops-who called for backup-a full-blown riot erupted onto the street. The queens beat the police with their purses "and kicked them with their high-heeled shoes." A similar incident was documented in 1959, when drag queens fought back against the police at Cooper's Donuts in Los Angeles by throwing donuts-and punches. How many more, unrecorded, times street queens fought back is anyone's guess. The most famous event came in 1969, when street queens led the Stonewall rebellion in New York City. Newton shares in Mother Camp that she wasn't surprised to learn it was the street queens who carried Stonewall. "Street fairies," she wrote, "have nothing to lose."

Jules Gill-Peterson, A Short History of Trans Misogyny

#reading #a short history of trans misogyny #transmisogyny #jules gill-peterson

[greenglowinspooks]

Gävle Goat v.s. two drunk half-ghosts (DCxDP)

—

Tw: alcohol consumption (no way), one(1) mention of sex

Summary: Jason and Danny accidentally burn down the Gävle goat. You all voted for this, and I delivered. Merry crisis, tis the season and all that.

—

Jason wove through the ever-shifting crowd, an irritated scowl on his face.

Kori and Roy had dragged him here to celebrate a successful mission together, but the two had wandered off together not thirty minutes after they arrived, effectively stranding him in an unfamiliar club in Europe.

Now, his only two options seemed to be stealing someone’s car and getting back to their temporary safehouse himself, or waiting for the two to come back for him.

Still, considering the lecture he’d get from Dick if he hotwired a random guy’s car just because he didn’t want to wait for his friends, option one wasn’t much of an option at all.

It was humiliating. He was a crime lord, not a little kid who’d lost their mom in the store.

Jason sighed, slumping against the wall as he watched the drunken crowd swirl together.

He had never really felt at home in places like this, especially not since his resurrection. It always felt like people were staring at him, like they just intrinsically knew that he was other.

Jason startled when he felt someone tap on his shoulder.

“Sorry!” The stranger said, “I just, um, are you okay?”

Jason blinked. The person talking to him was clearly somewhat tipsy, wearing a blush on his face and a slightly loopy smile. How had he possibly snuck up on him? Was he really that deep in thought?

“My asshole friends ditched me, and now I’m stuck here,” Jason blurted out without thinking. The stranger barked out a laugh, clearly surprised.

“That sucks,” he said, leaning on the wall next to Jason. He hummed in response.

The stranger looked back at the open bar, where quite a few people were frantically miming to him. He motioned back to them, clearly hoping for them to stop, before just flipping them off. Jason chuckled at that.

“Those your friends?”

The stranger blushed brighter, the tips of his ears going red.

“Uh, yeah. We’re here to celebrate some legal stuff that I finally got done with, but, uh, they wanted me to go talk to you.”

Jason hummed again, giving the stranger a quick once-over. He was actually pretty cute; he had messy black hair, icy eyes, and an outfit that screamed “I’ve never been in a club before but my friends dragged me here anyways”.

If he was gonna be waiting for Kori and Roy anyways, why not have some fun?

“Well, I am technically here alone, now that my friends wandered off,” he said, looking at the stranger meaningfully.

The stranger grinned brightly, holding a hand out to him.

“Then, d’you wanna hang out with my friends and I? I promise we’re lot of fun! I’m Danny, by the way.”

Jason took his hand, the beginnings of a smile on his face.

“Call me Jason,” he said, following along as the (surprisingly strong) man dragged him over to his friends.

-

Danny was having the time of his life.

The restraining order on Vlad had finally been granted. The abolition of the Infinite Realms’ monarchy had gone through. And, on top of all that, he was on the most incredible club-hopping adventure of his un-life.

And sure, it might not have been the best idea to give ghost alcohol to Jason, the mortal his group had picked up in Germany, but he was taking it like a champ!

He hadn’t thrown up yet, in any case, so clearly it wasn’t that much of an issue.

Danny giggled, leaning up against Jason as they walked along the street, his ghostly friends filling the street.

As the night went along and they all got more and more tipsy, they’d mostly let go of their mortal forms. Despite being surrounded by a bunch of ghosts with death-blows clearly exposed and mythological creatures, Jason didn’t seem to be too bothered. He had an arm wrapped around Danny’s shoulders and was singing along with some of the ghosts in Arabic(?), his lovely baritone voice echoing out amongst the dead and unborn.

Danny just snuggled further into his side, enjoying the novel feeling of human warmth. He’d have to get Jason’s number after this, Danny sluggishly thinks. If he wasn’t freaked out by Danny being dead once he was sober, at least. He found that most people weren’t quite so open to cuddling up to a corpse. Even if that corpse could talk and walk around.

The streetlights around them began to spin as they once again walked into a rip in the veil. Everyone cheered as the lights warped and distorted, the sky becoming neon green and foggy.

Danny stumbled forward on unsteady legs, dragging Jason along with him. He wanted to get to the front of the group, to see where they were going before everyone else!

Jason tripped as Danny continued to drag him along, stumbling off the path and straight off the Realms island they were currently on. Danny, still clinging to him like a lifeline, fell alongside him.

A cheer from the spirits rang out above them, unaware of their mistake, fading as they fell. Before Danny had a chance to call out, though, they fell through another rip in the veil.

-

Jason sat up. He’d fallen face-first into a snowbank, and judging by the pair of legs sticking out of the snow, Danny had a similar fate. He dragged Danny out of the snow by the feet, tumbling over nothing and falling over in a heap.

Danny rolled over, laying down in the snow next to him with both arms around his waist.

Jason just looked up at the sky in awe.

It was most certainly the alcohol, or maybe the lack of pollution, but the sky looked so much more beautiful than usual.

There were so many stars in his blurry vision, and each one twinkled and shone and spun like they were dancing.

With a tremendous amount of effort, he got to his feet, dragging Danny up with him.

He twirled the man in his arms, his legs unsteady as he tried to waltz. Danny giggled, trying to match his uneven steps.

The arctic wind blew over them, carrying with it the snow and ice of the ages. The wind curled around them, spinning in circles around the pair as they danced. Sprites of fire glimmered in the corners of Jason’s vision, glimmering cheerfully. It seemed that something had caught alight, but nothing was going to distract him from the man in front of him, grinning widely with a blush that covered his entire face.

Jason fell over again, collapsing in the snow, and Danny fell over on top of him.

-

Light shimmered down from the snow-covered trees, falling onto Danny’s face. He scrunched his eyes closed, groaning in agony.

He was so, so hungover.

Served him right for agreeing to go out partying with Johnny of all people.

Danny’s head pounded to the beat of his heart, his core humming in rhythm. He buried his face into the fabric beneath him, trying desperately to block out the light from reaching his sensitive eyes.

Where was he, anyways?

The area around him was definitely snowy; even arctic, maybe, judging by how strongly his core was thrumming. Still, he was perfectly warm, laying on top of…

…a person?

Fuck, he was never partying with Johnny again.

Through great willpower, Danny squirmed off of the stranger and sat up, scrunching up his face as he turned away from the sun. It didn’t make his headache any better, though; the snow reflected the light almost as bright as the sun itself.

Fresh snow can have an albedo of 0.9, Danny remembered, a college lecture popping into his head. It had the highest level of albedo of anything on earth. That’s why it was bouncing the light of the sun directly into his poor sensitive eyes.

Of course Danny would wake up next to a strange man and the first thing that he thought of was science facts.

The man next to him groaned, immediately bringing his arm up to block the sun.

“What the fuck did I do last night?”

“I know, right?”

The man went abruptly still. It took all of Danny’s willpower not to laugh.

“…Do I still have my kidneys at least?”

Now Danny did burst out laughing, bright and cheery. And then he groaned and clutched his head.

“Oh gods my head hurts,” Danny hissed, “does this happen every time you drink?”

“Not unless you hate your liver.”

Danny laughed, and they both fell into silence for a few moments. It wasn’t comfortable silence by any means, though; it was unbearably tense and uncomfortable. Danny almost wished he could die on command, if only to get out of this.

“…Wanna go get breakfast?”

“Fuck yes,” Danny said, getting to his feet before helping the other man up. “Your treat?”

The other man laughed loudly.

“We’ve known each other properly for a total of five minutes, and you’re already bleeding me dry?”

“Come on, I’m a college student, it’s basically my job to ask for free food.”

-

The two of them sat in utter silence as they ate, watching the TV in the corner of the diner with a fascinating flavor of giddy horror.

Someone had burnt down the Gävle goat, and from the footage, it was very clearly them.

It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else, luckily; the video had gone so staticky that it was very nearly unwatchable. But when combining the scene on the shitty box TV to Danny’s (very limited) memories of the night before, it was clear that they had done it.

“…Knew I forgot something that happened last night.”

Danny barked out a laugh at Jason’s comment, which earned him a sly grin in return.

“Better or worse than getting laid?”

“Eh,” Jason shrugged. “With most people? Better. With you? Worse.”

Danny laughed harder, wrapping a leg around Jason’s and waggling his eyebrows.

“Hey, arson isn’t the worst end to a first night out.”

Jason snorted.

“By the way, are you a meta? I just assumed, with the fire and all…”

Danny looked at him in surprise.

“Oh, I thought that was you.”

“What?”

Danny summoned a small burst of wind, twirling it around in his hands, creating tiny snowflakes.

“I can do that,” he said, gesturing to the snow, “but, like, fire? Nope.”

To Danny’s utter shock, a core in front of him pulsed in confusion, his own mirroring it.

Jason’s core. Jason was dead.

Jason looked at him, his face pale.

“Did you feel that too, or am I having a heart attack?”

Danny laughed nervously.

“As long as we don’t get arrested, I promise I’ll explain everything on the way back to Germany.”

—

Notes:

If Jason really was alive, he wouldn’t be for long after drinking ghost alcohol.

I brought up albedo because I learned something new in science class. Godbles

The wisps were Jason’s core forming and activating for the first time. That’s also what got the goat

#dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp fic #dead on main #dead on main pairing #merry crisis 😐👍 merry chrysler #it’s extra funny that I’m doing this because I don’t even like christmas

[im-poe-dameron]

THE HEART OF A SHIP

a/n: this fic is a result of wine and rewatching the force awakens. honestly my brain always short circuits whenever oscar isaac comes on screen. so i had to do something. it was meant to be small, but i literally couldn't stop writing so it became this. it's an idea that has been lingering in my head for awhile, i just had to let it simmer for a bit. and now it's fully cooked.

summary: you and poe were inevitable. two asteroids set on a course to crash into one another. a celestial event that would happen whether you wanted it or not. you just never expected it to happen so soon.

word count: 3.4k+

pairing: poe dameron x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, alcohol consumption, love confessions sort of??, poe being romantic as fuck, p in v sex, guided masturbation, biting, sex in an x-wing, sex in a public place, unedited but we live and die by the fucking pen.

Intoxicating.

That was the only way you’d describe him. The only word that ever did him justice. He was the human embodiment of an Antakarian Fire Dancer. You got hammered on it one year after two glasses of the amber liquid, proceeding to forget half the night yet eager for more. Nothing could describe the man before you better. It simply wouldn’t do him justice. He was the itch beneath your skin that you could never satisfy, the reason you stood there now.

A glass of that amber liquid in both hands.

He’d disappeared from the celebration. An hour in from congratulations and happy faces, you watched him leave when no one was looking. And you did nothing to stop it. You knew he wasn’t one to relish in the joys of battle well done. Always intent on focusing towards the next thing—the next fight. It’s how you knew Leia would make him General, why he was so good at leading, at keeping the people he loved safe.

“Leaving without saying goodbye is rude, you know.”

He jumped slightly where he stood, his back to you, a holopad in one hand and a tool in the other. Of course he’d be here, fixing his X-Wing in silence. His own little ritual. You couldn’t count how many times you found him here after a fight, finalizing the last few checks before he caught some sleep. If he slept at all. Poe always seemed to be on the move no matter the time of day—a constant in the Resistance even when everyone else seemed to have lost faith.

“I said goodbye,” he joked, head turning slightly to see you come around, the holopad getting traded for a glass. “Just couldn’t see you in the crowd.”

You smiled. “You’re a shit liar Dameron.”

“I know.” He took a sip, winced, and laughed—the sound practically lighting you up inside. Igniting you like a fucking lightsaber.

“What’s the damage report?” 

“Nothing I can’t fix.” He glanced back at the scraped up hunk of metal he loved more than anything. The amount of care he put into keeping her going was admirable—if a little insane at times.

But he was right. The damage was nothing he couldn’t fix.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?” The smile still played on your lips, eyes alight and aiming to start something you wanted him to finish.

Poe caught onto it quicker than you expected. He could see it before you followed him out of the celebration. A promise that lingered in the air from months of longing looks and timid words. Something inevitable and real. So much so that you were willing to bet everything that he felt exactly the same way you did.

You wanted each other. That was clear from day one. But doing something about it became difficult when war was a constant and lives were put in peril on the daily. Poe didn’t want to leave you broken beyond repair if he never made it back. Just as you didn’t want to do the same to him.

The fucked up thing about it though was Poe would mourn you either way. He’d live his life half a man if you never graced him with your presence again. If you weren’t around to smile at him from across rooms and laugh at his shitty jokes. He was pretty sure he’d already started. Being away from you was like a poison he constantly had to take, a pain he didn’t want to endure. And if it were up to him…he’d choose you every time.

No matter the consequences.

“You ever been in an X-Wing before?” he asked, trying to see past the bits and pieces of the ache that hurt you both.

You rolled your eyes and Poe felt his chest tighten. “You know I haven’t. I’m not pilot material.”

“Sounds like bantha shit to me starlight.”

The name you’d heard so many times before echoed differently to you now. You wanted to break through its meaning and find the promise within. The antidote to this fucking ache that stuck to your chest. You wanted to rip it out and grind it up. You wanted to finally take what you desired, relish in the feel of calling him yours without the pain of knowing what came next. The both of you were trying to save your emotions—protect yourselves—but there was no use.

Poe had found a home in your heart and he was there to stay.

“Come with me.”

When it came to him you had no choice but to listen, following dutifully behind in a haze of want. He climbed up the ladder on the side of his ship, plopping down into the seat with the grace of a pilot who’d done it a million times before. The movement now muscle memory at this point. Whereas you clambered up—buzzed on one drink—nearly falling into the cockpit. He grabbed your arm at the last minute, helping you slowly maneuver your way in, until you were perched on this lap.

The seat was barely big enough to fit him let alone you as well. And yet…you’d never felt more comfortable. He pulled you back slightly, hands pressed to your hips, chest snugly placed against your back. With every intake and exhale of breath, you felt him move. Felt his body shift. If you focused, you knew you would be able to feel his heartbeat. The rhythmic thump you’d grown accustomed to.

“Now—“ He precariously balanced his glass on the dash. “Your hands go here.” Covering your hands with his, he showed you how he’d position himself if he were flying. The cold touch of the buttons and knobs beneath your fingers sent electricity up your spine. “These are to shoot.” Another shift. “And this is to aim.”

You sucked in a breath. “Seems complicated.”

“Not at all.” His fingers slid up your arm, chin coming to rest on your shoulder. You tried to remember how to take a single breath. “You just have to understand how the ship works. How she moves, what she likes.”

Your breath hitched, body leaning into him more, and finally you felt it. The wall holding both of you back crumbled to the ground. All that remained now was the will to finally do something about it. So you let his hands guide you, watching in anticipation as they moved to your own body, pressing your palms into your stomach.

“There’s always a heart of a ship,” he murmured, moving your hand down. “A pilot guiding the way.”

“Poe…”

"After all, we've got to guide the ship back home." A soft whimper left your lips, your nails digging into the meat of your thighs to contain yourself. If the cockpit of his ship wasn't so fucking small, you had no doubt you'd be spread on his lap, lips connected to his already.

He grinned, his lips brushing across the back of your neck. “For me…” He stopped right above the hem of your pants, your fingers aching to finally delve down further. “That’s always been you.”

The alcohol had all but burned out of your system from how warm you were. His touch guiding yours seemed to have lit something in the base of your stomach, causing it to spread outwards. And you needed more. Your head fell back against his shoulder, eyes fluttering shut as he pressed your hand beneath the coarse fabric of your pants. The feeling of him cupping your mound—using you all the while—sent a jolt across your body; a soft moan falling free past your lips.

“Maker starlight,” he said, his voice hoarse with desire. “You’re so fucking wet.”

He wasn't wrong. You could feel yourself dripping the longer he spoke, his words affecting you more than you anticipated. Ever since you first met, Poe always held a power over you. A reminder that no matter how many times you tried to rid yourself of him, no matter what you did...he would remain burned into your soul. He'd be part of you until you drew your final breath in this galaxy.

"It's cause of you," you gasped, your fingers and his sliding through your slick. Running along the lips of your cunt, skimming past your clit entirely. "Oh—"

The scrape of his teeth along your neck nearly did you in entirely, the plea hanging off the tip of your tongue in anticipation. He was toying with you. Playing you like a fucking instrument and listening to your melody. Drowning in the sounds you made—the ones he dreamed of. If there was a life after this, a fated place he could go to rest, he'd want it to be here. Crammed into this cockpit with you on his lap, the feel of you sliding through his fingers and the echo of your voice breathing his name sweeter than the alcohol you had handed him earlier.

Poe would do whatever he could to make this moment last just a minute longer.

"Need you."

He kissed the junction where your neck and shoulder met, fingers still guiding yours through your own heat. "I know you do starlight. But you're gonna cum for me like this first." Your sweet little gasp ripped him a part. He had to squeeze his eyes shut to stave off nearly coming in his pants. "Let me guide you."

You nodded and spread your legs as wide as they could go in the cramped space. It wasn't very far, nor did it give him space to do what he really wanted to do to you, but it would have to do for now. The noise of the celebration in the distance only grew louder as people consumed more alcohol, the joy bleeding into the air. But you couldn't give a shit at that moment about why they were happy, or even what occurred before today.

You were lost to the depths that Poe pulled you into.

Heat spilled between your fingertips, a sticky mess starting between the two of you, but that seemed to only drive him forward. He pressed down, sliding your fingers into you with ease, his delving in right beside you—stretching you in a way that had your back arching. Wrapped his arm around your waist, he kept you still, his chin set on your shoulder and chest heaving with controlled breaths. A way for him to keep the last bits of his sanity as he felt your walls clamp around his fingers.

"Fuck baby," he grit between clenched teeth. "You really did need me huh?"

Nodding, you felt him press even further, fingers searching for something.

"You're gonna make a mess on me." Pumping his hand, he felt your body shudder—your mouth falling open as a ragged moan echoed in the ship. "Gonna take me so easily. I'll slip right in."

You burned from the inside out. A searing heat pulling tight across your body until you could nothing but fall into it. There was no fighting against that aching bliss, no running from what you wanted, what you dreamed of. Poe was intent on breaking you apart right there on his lap, and he'd watch with a smile on his face as you spilled yourself between the rough pads of his fingers. As you made a fucking mess on his lap.

"C'mon baby," he muttered, curling his fingers forward and nudging against something blinding. You cried out, hand grasping at his wrist to either pull him away or keep him right there. You couldn't tell at this point. And he smiled. "Is that it?" Rubbing against the spongy patch along your walls, he felt your entire body lock up, a whimpered sob breaking from your chest. "Yeah. That's fucking it."

You tried to warn him, his name a garbled echo of nonsensical letters on your tongue. But he already knew. His hand sped up, practically pushing your fingers out of the way as he gave you everything you wanted. Poe was certain that he wanted this more than you, that deep down he needed to know that you came because of him. That he was capable of turning you into a sobbing mess.

The echo of his pained grunt was loud in your ears, his hips pressing up into you to relieve the pressure of need he felt, and that's what did it. The knowledge that he was as gone as you were. That he had always wanted you.

Your walls fluttered around his fingers, a splintered moan falling past your parted lips as the pleasure spilled over. And he buried his face into your neck, a broken sound of his own muffled by your warm skin. He fought against finishing, biting into your shoulder as he worked you through your release. Adamant to make this last for you—to drag you to the Maker and back with a sated smile on your face.

Eventually you couldn't take it anymore, pleasure bleeding into pain, and you dragged his hand away. A breathless sigh of his name shooting right to his cock.

Without knowing it you had broken him for anyone else. Obliterated his ability to ever see someone the way he saw you.

You and your beauty. Your ability to render him speechless, breathless, and at your fucking mercy. For so long he was the ship lost in space with no sense of direction to lead him back to something real, a purpose. But then you settled into his heart. You became his pilot, guiding him through the never-ending void of space. You kept him afloat even as the weight of the galaxy threatened to drag him down, happy to watch him crash and burn in as so many others had done before.

"That was new," you giggled, hand reaching back to run through his hair.

He smiled, his heart twisting in his chest and fingers still covered in your slick coming to grip at your hips. "To think..." Pressing your ass down against his hard cock, he felt the breath hitch in your chest. "We could have been doing this the whole time."

"W-What a loss," you breathed, that now familiar all encompassing need filling your veins once more.

As if he knew your body so well already, he began to pull at your pants, helping you strip yourself to the best of your ability. The soft clinking of his belt echoed loudly in the cockpit and for a moment you were sure that people in the distance could hear it. But that thought quickly left your mind the second you felt the hot skin of his cock pressing against your lower back—his precum wet and sticky now smeared against your skin. Saliva filled your mouth, the ache pulling at your chest, clawing its way to the surface.

You didn't simply want him. That was too small of a word to explain the feeling in your body. You breathed for him. You lived for him. Poe was the blood that streamed in your veins, the reason your heart beat the way it did. Because it beat for him.

"Say you want this," he grunted, grinding against your skin, his fingers digging in harder than before. Until blood nearly pricked at the surface.

"Yes." The word was out of your mouth before he could even finish speaking. "Maker, I've wanted this for so long."

A growl hit your ears, his nose pressed into your back as he lifted you slightly, and you felt like you would rip to shreds if he didn't hurry. The head of his cock pressed against your entrance, sliding into you with slippery ease. And you pressed back against him, desperate to feel him sink into you fully. To be stretched out around his cock. Poe choked on his breath when your warm heat encompassed his throbbing length so suddenly, nearly throwing him off the edge entirely.

"Fuck starlight. You're gonna have to give me a second."

Your lips curled up into a grin. "Yes, General."

For a moment Poe could only process the breaths he took, the word entering his already blank mind. It wasn't until a searing heat shot up his spine at the sound of his title leaving your lips, did he fully understand. His hips pushed up into you, forcing him to sink just a bit deeper. You clutched at the side of the ship, your eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. The position had him pressing right along your walls, the underside of his cock grinding blissfully against you.

"I used to think you had no idea." He pushed you up slightly until his cock was halfway out and he glanced down, moaning at the sight of him covered in your slick. Only to pull you back down hard. Your choked cry was like music to his ears. "Didn't know what you do to me. How my whole fucking body belonged to you."

"Poe—"

He repeated the movement, smiling at the noises that came free. "But I was wrong."

A pressure quickly built in the base of your stomach, threatening to destroy you. And you chased it. Meeting his thrusts, you fucked yourself on his cock, hands pressed to the dash in front of you and back arched to find the perfect angle that made your toes curl in your boots. Ragged breaths filled the space, accompanied by broken moans and stunted grunts. Each one louder than the last as you both took and took and took, until the very edge of bliss mounted in your bodies.

He gripped the back of your neck, hand fisting at your hair as he pulled you back roughly against his chest. And you fell into it. Whining his name when he grinded up slowly, your walls clamped down around his cock. You could barely see straight through the burn of tears that glazed your eyes, a fucked out expression painted perfectly on your face. And Poe wished he could see you from where he was, catch a glimpse of the way your eyes rolled back, neck on display for him to bite.

"You know exactly what you do to me, starlight." His mouth fell open in a silent moan when his balls drew up painfully, cock throbbing along your walls. He quickly shoved his hand into your slick, fingers locating your clit with ease.

"Maker—" You heard him bite out your name like a prayer he couldn't get out fast enough. A plea for you to give him everything you had, everything that made you who you were. "I'm— Fuck I-I'm—"

"Yes," he groaned, using his other hand to cup your chin and pull your lips to his. Finally kissing you after years of dreaming it would happen. "Fucking give it to me baby."

His tongue licked into your mouth, swallowing every sound you made with ease. The feel of his lips against yours shoved you towards your release. A muffled cry of his name echoing in his mouth as your body went taut, thighs quaking as you gushed on his cock. He choked, mouth open and panting against yours, following you instantly and spilling into your cunt—filling you until you were sure it was dripping out of you and gathering at the base of him.

"Yours," he sighed against your lips, thumb running along the top of your cheek. "'M yours."

The twist of your heart brought you down from your high, your eyes fluttering open as he stared at your kiss swollen lips, the way his spit smeared along your bottom one. You expected him to take it back once he slipped out of you. Surely this was nothing but a dream, a moment in time that may never happen again. But in his eyes you saw devotion. You saw the inevitable future that was always bound to happen.

"Me too."

He smiled, nose brushing against yours. "Guess we're stuck with each other starlight."

"That doesn't sound too bad to me, General."

He tsked under his breath, fingers coming to grip your chin—brown eyes flashing up to meet your gaze. "You're causing trouble."

You grinned, grinding on his softened cock that was still buried deep in you. "And if I am?"

The feeling of his cock twitching inside you, slowly growing hard with interest. "Hands on the controls baby." He nipped at your bottom lip. "You know what to do."

A soft flutter filled your stomach as you followed his direction. Taking the lead in a dance that you were now familiar with. With Poe everything came with ease, as if you'd gone through it with him hundreds of times over. And guiding him home was just the beginning.

#poe dameron x f!reader #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron smut #poe dameron #my writing

[aperrywilliams]

Under the Rain (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif. Credits to the creator!)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Reader is waiting for Spencer in a restaurant to celebrate their 2nd anniversary. What happens when Spencer doesn't show up?

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. Spencer fucked up but Reader loves him.

A/N: It's winter on this side of the world, and the rain makes me kind of sad.

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Is there anything worse than your boyfriend standing you up in a fancy restaurant on your 2nd anniversary? Yes, being stood up by your boyfriend in a fancy restaurant on your 2nd anniversary day while outside it’s raining cats and dogs.

That's worse. And pathetic.

You feel pathetic, sitting in that chair, all dolled up and waiting. You arrived at 19:30, and now your watch reads 20:45. No sight of Spencer.

What the fuck?

He was the one who suggested a romantic dinner in this very restaurant. He was the one who told you to make reservations. How could he forget it? You knew there wasn’t an active case. The very Penelope told you it was paperwork day when you texted her in the afternoon.

In the past hour, you dialed his number several times. You were worried at some point: what if something terrible happened to him? But you know bad news travels fast, so you assumed he didn’t show up just because he forgot. Deep down, you wanted there to be another explanation because if he only forgot, that would strengthen the idea of how little you mean to him.

Sensing the pitiful looks the hostess and the waitress sent you occasionally, you only wanted to dig a hole and disappear.

When the clock marked 21:00, you gave up. You asked the hostess for your coat and left the place completely silent.

The rain pouring outside was the perfect scenario for your current mood. You thought about calling a cab in front of the restaurant, but you only wanted to be far from that place as soon as possible, so you started to walk in the rain.

Goodbye to the stylish hairstyle that took you hours to achieve. Goodbye to the makeup you put so much effort into doing.

Striding along the sidewalk, you made sure to step on each water puddle you found along the way as you recalled every moment in the past months you felt Spencer away from you. And not only physically as when he was in a case. It was more than that. It was each morning he didn’t say I love you before leaving your shared apartment. It was each text he didn’t send telling you he was coming home or leaving for a case. It was each coffee you didn't share in the morning. It was each animated chat in the middle of the night you didn't have.

Were you being dramatic? You knew Spencer’s tendency to distract and engage in whatever his job could present him. In any other circumstances, you could have understood. Not tonight, though. Not when it was supposed to be your night together celebrating this milestone. The two years of love you thought were strengthening your relationship. How blind you have been. How naive.

You kept wandering on the streets with no destination. You didn’t want to come back to the apartment. You didn’t know where else to go either. So you kept walking.

-

Spencer Reid is a man with an eidetic memory. Everybody knows that. He can remember every piece of information people usually wouldn’t recall. He knows almost everything about anything. But even with his big brain, he sometimes has trouble keeping track of his own life. Like today.

Engrossed in a pile of manila folders from old cases, he lost time. A task meant to take just an hour or so kept him occupied and entertained for almost four hours. Emily’s voice was the only thing that brought him back from those files to reality.

“You still here?” Emily asked with a frown. Spencer looked at her oddly.

“Yeah. I was looking for patterns in our last cases in the northwest. What Tara said about the mixed murder weapons sounded familiar to me,” he explained before rubbing his eyes. He didn't notice how tired he felt until Emily interrupted him.

“Spencer, it’s almost 10 pm. And there is no active case. You can resume this tomorrow. I even thought you had plans today?”

‘10 pm’ and ‘plans today’ was enough to bring Spencer to realization.

“Fuck!” He yelped, jumping from his seat and freezing immediately, not knowing what to do.

“What?” Emily asked, seeing the panic in Spencer’s eyes.

“Shit. Shit. Shit,” he repeated over and over as he reached for his phone in his satchel.

“What is it, Reid?”

“Emily. I was supposed to be in a restaurant with (Y/N) tonight! It’s - uh - it’s our second anniversary,” he, visibly embarrassed, finished the sentence.

Emily shut her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Reid? How on earth do you forget something like that?”

“I don’t know! I - I don’t really know. Fuck. I’m an asshole!” He checked the phone: twenty missing calls. Why he left it on mute?

“Stop complaining and do something! Come on! Move your ass out of here if you want a chance of not being precisely kicked in the ass by her,” Emily instructed. She knew Spencer needed directions when he was freaking out.

Spencer rechecked his watch. It read 10:05 pm.

Swearing under his breath, he dialed your number, which went straight to voicemail. Putting his coat on, he tried again while rushing to the elevator. Maybe you were still at the restaurant? Getting in the first cab he found, Spencer headed there.

Once he arrived, he asked the hostess about you. The girl told him you left after 9 pm.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He called you again with no success. This time you turned off your phone. Spencer’s stomach was a knot, and his heart hurt imagining you sitting alone, waiting for him.

Were you at home? Spencer guessed you wouldn't want to see him, so it was less probable. Should he go there anyway and wait for you? No. You deserved better than that. He would look for you even if it could take all night. Taking a cab, he decided to check the apartment - just in case - and grab his car keys.

As expected, you weren’t in the apartment. Spencer faced the darkness and coldness of the place, and a chill ran down his spine—the fear of losing you forever.

In the car, he thought, where you could be. It was still raining, and Spencer feared you were getting soaked and frozen, God knows where.

It was at this kind of moment Spencer wanted his eidetic memory, and all the knowledge in his brain could help to compensate for the dose of common sense he lacked.

‘Come on, Spencer. Think. For once in your life, do it for what is really important for you.’

-

Spencer parked and rushed out of the car, hoping his hunch was correct. He was in a park. Not any park, though. It was where he met you three years ago—where his life changed forever and for the better for once.

You were in a swing, moving softly back and forth, your feet touching the ground. Your eyes focused on the rain collecting in the nook you created with your feet in the mud.

“(Y/N)!” Spencer called once he spotted you. The rain muffled the sound of his voice.

Your eyes didn’t leave the ground. At first, you thought you were imagining things. It could have been wishful thinking that your boyfriend really cared about you. He called again, and now your brain obliged your eyes to look toward the voice’s source.

Spencer was in a corner where the park's playground began. He was looking at you and wanted to run to you, but the fear you could run away made him stay there, as the rain dampened him.

The sight of you broke him. You were utterly soaked. Your coat and lovely black dress were ruined, and your face with traces of smeared makeup. He could even spot your bloodshot eyes, swollen from crying.

He caused that. And Spencer hated himself for it.

Seeing you didn't say anything, barely acknowledging his presence, Spencer dared to take some steps forward. Your numb body didn't even flinch.

“(Y/N). I’m sorry,” were his first words. Expectable but useless for you. “I fucked it up. I’m sorry. I should have been there. I wanted to be there with you,” he apologized, giving a few steps closer to you. Not looking at him, you mumbled.

“But you weren’t. And if you really wanted to have been there, you would have.” Your voice was low and husky. You sounded tired and defeated. It was worse for Spencer. For him, you should be yelling. Telling him how hurting you were. How an asshole he was.

“Baby, there is no excuse for what I did. The last thing I want in my life is to hurt you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Spencer’s voice broke with each word.

What had he done? Why? How can he be so stupid? He loves you. You’re the most important person in his life, so why did he do that to you? How can he fix it?

Still not looking at him, you spoke again.

“I can’t understand, Spencer. It was our anniversary. You were the one who suggested doing it,” you remind him. He nodded, kneeling in front of you. It didn’t matter the mud, and it didn’t matter the rain still falling. Spencer needed to look at your eyes to explain himself.

“I’m an idiot. I lost track of time and forgot,” he mumbled. You held up your head and finally looked at him.

“You forgot? So it's true I’m not that important to you,” you concluded sadly. Spencer’s eyes widened.

“No! Don’t say that!” he pleaded.

“Am I wrong? I don’t think so.” Your chin wobbled, but you needed to say it. “I know your job is important, Spencer. I do. And I never wanted to compete with that because I thought I didn’t have to. But after these past months, I think I need to get used to the idea I lost you already,” you acknowledged with a pained sob betraying you. It was the pang of the meaning behind your own words.

The memories of the past months flashed before Spencer's eyes. And there he saw it. The kisses he didn't give you, the 'I love you' he didn't tell you. The nights he didn't sleep by your side—all the things he has been missing.

He realized that although he never doubted his love for you, he stopped nurturing it and took it for granted.

Crying, he took your hands, and by divine grace, you didn't push him away.

No words he could say would be enough to convey how sorry he was. But he needed to try because he didn’t want to lose you. You needed to know he loved you and that you owned his heart. You needed to know he just realized he made a mistake, and he wants to fix it.

“The first time I saw you in this very place, you were slowly swaying in this exact spot with your eyes focused on the book in your hands. I was so mesmerized that I never thought I would get the nerve to talk to you, you know? But I did. And when I saw the warm look you gave me when I asked you if you had read the author's biography, I felt my heart warming as never before. And when I heard your laugh after I clumsily tried to flirt with you? I swear it was the sound I wanted to hear for the rest of my life,” Spencer confessed, eyes sparkling at the memory. You fondly recalled it too. You never liked to talk with strangers all of a sudden, but with Spencer? It felt natural and right.

“You let me in in your life. You opened your heart to me and taught me how to do that too. You realized I’m not the best student in those matters, though,” he chuckled, seeing your nod.

“Despite that, you believed in me. You gave me a chance to love you, and I swear loving you has been the most natural thing that has ever happened to me. You have made me so happy (Y/N). You have no idea. And that is the problem. I have not known how to love you the way you deserve. I hadn't realized what I was doing. I'm sorry. I spent much of my life fending alone, not walking with anyone by my side. And I know that does not excuse my behavior. Even so, I dare to ask for an opportunity to prove you do not have to compete with my job. Give me a chance to prove to you I can be better. I can be the man who deserves your love. Please let me gain back your love and the privilege to hear you laugh again."

Spencer was almost out of breath when he was done speaking. You mulled in his words as his hands enveloped yours, patiently awaiting your response. Would you give him a chance?

As the rain continued pouring down, your eyes focused on him, still kneeling before you with hopeful eyes.

You know he loves you. Even if he needs to be better at proving it to you. And you love him even if you feel hurt for what he did. You both would have to work to make it work. You both deserved the chance, though.

The answer to his question was clear then.

You hopped off the swing and kneeled, not releasing his hands grasp and pulling him to catch his lips with yours. He kissed you back with everything he had. When both parted, you smiled at him, and Spencer was trying to figure out what that meant. You spoke to make it clear.

“Please, just don't make me regret being in this same place three years ago.”

Spencer earnestly shook his head.

“I won’t. I promise,” he told you before kissing you again under the rain.

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine​ @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @tvandfanfic​ @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @disaster-in-waiting @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x fem!reader #dr. spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #under the rain #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n

[gatitties]

Web of love

─Yandere!Jujutsu Kaisen x fem!reader (platonic)

─Summary: forced to abandon your family and being spit out into a world of curses where everyone seems to gravitate towards you

─Warnings: a little angst¿ obsession, toxic behaviors, yandere stuff

Part Two / Part Three / Part Four

The blank pages: Part One

ok I had a burst of inspiration and I needed to write also need more platonic yanderes for jjk 😔 (I'll probably write another part because I left out many characters and villains… 😈)

SOMETIMES you think that you had to do something very terrible in your old life, something unforgivable and unimaginable to be punished right now, sometimes you think that the easiest thing would be to bang your head against the wall until you are stupid enough to have a caregiver and stop worrying about many things.

You just wanted to help your parents with the family business, being a time of high demand in the hostelry sector, taking advantage of your school holidays, you loved your family very much and helping in the business was the least you could do.

But the moment a group of children come in screaming excitedly and running from one side to the other you lost your nerve, yes, they are kids celebrating a birthday, but so much activity, noise and annoyance made a vein swell on your forehead, you were reaching the limit, but at least there were only a couple of hours left to be able to close and surreptitiously remove the last people with brooms.

You swore you were losing years and hair, that the minutes passed slower and slower as if you were stuck in an endless hour.

"I think if you keep squeezing the tray like that you'll break it, honey."

Your mother squeezed your shoulder, you turned to look at her, she was behind the bar, cleaning with a cloth while she glanced at you from time to time, she certainly knew how to detect when you were losing your temper, after all she saw you have many crises nervous before.

"Sorry, you know I can't stand so much movement and annoying noises, it's exhausting."

"Oh, I think you can go home if you want, you've done enough for today miss."

A new voice joined in, your father made way with a couple of plates, he left them on the bar to place his hands on your shoulders and rub circles on them, calming you with his touch, you smiled in agreement, your mood improving as you heard that you can go home once and for all, they wouldn't have much work at this hour.

"Don't forget the jacket love, it's already night and it's cold outside!"

"I know mom, bye, love you two!"

You shouted as you were already walking through the door, you waved to both of them before walking out onto the lonely streets, luckily your house wasn't too far from the family business. Without wasting time you grabbed your faithful life companions, your headphones, connecting them to your phone to listen to music at a ridiculously high volume. You let music be your final destination, if you ever suffer an accident, at least it'll be listen to something you like.

Moving your head slightly to the rhythm of the sound, looking at the ground as your legs moved on their own, knowing the way back by heart, you concentrated on drowning out the thoughts leaving your mind blank, it wasn't very difficult since you barely had enough active neurons at this time to have too deep thoughts.

"Huh?"

Some mist came out of your mouth when you felt something tiny cling to your leg, confused, you looked down with a blank look and an imperturbable face, you saw like a kind of fairy-bug, a strange thing was sticking to your leg, looking at you with eyes of a kicked dog. Oh yeah, you started seeing these kinds of creatures, monsters, whatever they are, a couple of months ago when you decided to walk into a 'witchcraft' shop just because a bracelet seemed cute to you.

When you wanted to question the old woman who sold it to you ─after checking that you hadn't spent too much time on the Internet to be hallucinating─ she was no longer there, as if she had disappeared from the face of the earth, no one seemed to remember her except of you.

You grimaced, holding the little thing carefully, pushing it away from you as if you had just taken unidentified food out of the sink after having washed the dishes, without hesitation you threw it like it was a snot, you didn't even hear the squeal that came from it as it crashed to the ground because you hadn't turned the music down.

You continued your path, ignoring how more of those monsters began to appear, larger ones, with more or less human shapes, you didn't know if you had reached the point of emotional exhaustion that you no longer cared about those things, or you were so desensitized to certain things that you barely changed your expression.

"Help… help please… my son- oh- it burns…"

Your feet stopped suddenly, almost falling face first to the ground as you felt one of those monsters cling to your arm like an old woman crossing the street with a helper, looking at you with tears flowing down her cheeks, murmuring things you wouldn't understand if you weren't able to read lips, her hand went higher and higher, absorbing your body in a kind of wrestling-like lock-hug.

If you could you would pinch the bridge of your nose, you started to struggle with the woman, she started screaming the further you got away from her, you cursed silently when you couldn't get her off. This was it, the only thing that bothered you about seeing strange things was that they clung to you as if you were some kind of helper or salvation, you are not a saint, you are not a savior, you were nobody, but they kept coming to you like bees to pollen.

"Looks like you need some help"

You turned your head slowly, dramatizing the side eye you gave to that familiar voice, you heard by chance because of the song change and the small silence, but you could feel his presence for miles. Your frown deepened as you saw the albino look at you with a smile, oh, not only did you have to deal with these curses on your own, as if that were not enough, being one of the few people capable of perceiving these things certain people became interested in you. Sorcerers, it was funny, you didn't believe in magic until you saw this albino lunatic exorcise a curse in front of your eyes, even though you were somewhat skeptical, you refused to attend his institute, but they kept showing up to persuade.

"No, I can take care of this."

"Aw sure, go ahead then, I want to see how you do it."

This time you didn't listen to shit, but his shit eating smile told you everything you wanted to know, you started to struggle with the cursed woman again, it didn't work until you started talking to her. You found it was easier if you tried to give comforts to the poor cursed souls, and you had to do it reluctantly on these types of occasions, removing your headphones for greater concentration. You were terrible at comforting people, so it was like an uphill climb to get that curse to leave you alone.

"And that was ten minutes, you could have done it in twenty seconds if you knew how to use cursed energy."

"Just get lost, I already said no."

"We are offering you free knowledge, how can you refuse it?"

"Aren't public schools there for that?"

"There are no exorcization courses that I know of."

You rubbed your face desperately, you didn't want to learn sorcery, you didn't want to get in trouble, you didn't want to have to comfort anyone, you wanted your simple life, helping your parents, studying, getting a decent job. What kind of future would guarantee you knowing how to control that cursed energy? Clearly nothing good.

"I'm going to put it another way… you attract cursed energy, until now you have been lucky enough to find desperate souls in search of comfort, but what will happen when something much worse is stalking you? Something that seeks blood, your blood."

"Then I'll die, isn't it obvious?"

You raised your thumb with a sarcastic smile, you were too tired to continue a conversation, unfortunately Gojo's next words resonated in your head like a scratched record.

"What if they were your parents? They will not be safe by your side, as I said you attract bad energies."

A lump formed in your throat, letting a shaky breath escape your lips, he watched in silence as he had managed to hit your weak spot, your family, it was something you wouldn't change for the world, they were people who would die for you without a second thought, and just like them, you would give your life for them, they showered you with love and affection, the least you could do was protect them from your own problems.

As annoying as it was to give Gojo an affirmative answer, you had to swallow your pride for a greater reason, and just a week later you were already making the move. Covered as a kind of “Erasmus”, your parents were happy that you were going to explore and meet friends on your own, you wanted to tell them that you didn't want to go, that they would refuse to allow that decision, but that wasn't the case.

Then began what seemed like torture for you, as if you had fallen into a spider web and the more you struggled, the more you got caught in the webs. It was strange, everyone there seemed to have knowledge about who you were and where you came from while you were completely uninformed, it felt strange to be greeted so warmly by unknown people, inside you it was stressful to receive such a degree of attention, but you kept your expression unfazed.

You were like an extension of Megumi, only less expressive and definitely more stupid, you had no thoughts beyond your lost eyes staring into space, nothing made you flinch, nothing made you laugh, nothing made you have a hint of emotion that wasn't nervousness or tiredness. And yet the three first-year students, your classmates, could hear how you tried to drown out your nightly sobs, longing for your home and your family, how you secretly laughed lightly when you saw something stupid on your phone. Why didn't you want to share your emotions with them? Weren't they good enough for you?

You don't know what you triggered by strictly trying not to get emotionally close to people who from one day to the next could be in a grave, just because you couldn't stand it, just because you couldn't stand giving up more parts of your little heart to have them break later.

Itadori started to stick to you like a sticker, are you going for a walk? He needs to stretch his legs, do you want to laze around? He too! He is new to this world of curses like you, so he thinks it is better that you help each other in the face of complications and training. The first time he saw how a curse clung to you for comfort it almost gave him a seizure, he would never think he would be able to exorcise something so quickly, it worried him how used you were to being 'attacked' like that constantly and it only increased his worry, he needed to keep you safe from this dangerous world, it was a promise.

Megumi felt sorry, unlike him you had a normal and happy family, people to turn to, a little envious, he wasn't going to lie, but he tried to make you as comfortable as possible, maybe a little too paranoid about your well-being now that you were a novice unwilling to learn, he felt like he was your big brother, he wasn't going to take an eye off you even for a second, you could get hurt or worse and he had already experienced the bitter feeling.

Nobara was persistent that you open up to her, after all girls should be close, maybe she got too obsessed with that phrase when she watched suspiciously as Itadori dragged you to do something stupid ─against your will but without the energy of to refuse─ and you weren't going with her to have a snack or shopping, she felt a pang in her heart, what if she's not there and something happens? She doesn't trust anyone to take care of you, everyone is inept in her eyes.

Gojo proclaimed himself your fake father, no matter how hard he tried, he would in no way replace the real one, but if he wanted to play the family game you would let him if that made him happy. His attitude was the one that bothered you the most because it made you look like a helpless person at his side, he made you look like you needed him to take care of you. You accepted being the weakest link, but you could fight your own battles, especially after discovering some of your abilities, but he wouldn't allow it, you're too adorable to let go.

After some tests, missions and training, they discovered that your cursed energy acted like an antenna, attracting all curses that wanted to be forgiven or sought freedom. You were cursed with the 'gift' of forgiving and freeing from torture curses that wanted to cease to exist, and you acted as a peacemaker on some occasions. Luck was definitely not on your side or it was kicking you for having laughed at so many other people's sorrows on the internet, couldn't you punch? Kicks? Do voodoo? Summon shikigami? No, you had to pat and release cursed souls.

You didn't have enough suffocating attention from the sorcerers that you also had to have that from the curses. You were going to look for the old woman who cursed you the day you entered her store in another life and you were going to sacrifice her in the name of barbatos.

"Hey there you were! We're going out to dinner, are you coming?"

Nobara opened your door without knocking, you didn't stop looking at the ceiling while you lay motionless in your bed, you shook your head slowly in denial, you weren't in the mood, you were never in the mood.

"Don't talk nonsense, there is no way you can stay here alone, come on, come on! Gojo will pay for everyone."

Itadori entered immediately, pulling your wrist to drag you, you slid off the bed like a dead body, looking blankly at the boy who was giving you a puppy dog look, it wasn't that that made you accept, but if you didn't accept you would pass more time arguing with them in a useless way. You had learned to accept your destiny, you had learned to stay still in that web, maybe if you manage not to move you can free yourself, just maybe.

"I'm glad you decided to accept! It is good to have bonding time with your classmates and teacher, it encourages communication."

You nodded, looking absentmindedly at your phone, scrolling through the screen without looking at anything in particular but not wanting to have to look at the albino's expression, he knew you were going to accept, he knew you were going to go with them because they wouldn't give you any other option. He put his arm around your shoulders dragging you towards the car while he chattered things that went in one ear and out the other.

"Will you sit next to me?"

" No way, she will sit with me!"

And the tug of war began between Itadori and Nobara over who you would sit next to, too stubborn to 'share' if you sat in the middle, they would prefer to be the only ones next to you, Megumi on the other hand was the smartest when entering the first, if he sat in the middle he would assure him that you would sit next to him, however, absorbed in the discussion, they did not notice how you moved towards the passenger seat, end of the discussion and the headache, now you just had to rack your brain thinking about how to solve the fight next to who you would sit at while eating without giving anyone the benefit.

Sometimes you think that you had to do something very terrible in your old life, something unforgivable and unimaginable to be punished right now, sometimes you think that the easiest thing would be to bang your head against the wall until you are stupid enough to have a caregiver and stop worrying about many things, now you had four caregivers but no concussion, for now.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x fem reader #reader inster #platonic reader #jjk x reader #jjk x platonic reader #jujutsu kaisen x platonic reader #yandere platonic #yandere platonic x reader #yandere x reader #yandere jujutsu kaisen x reader #yandere platonic jujutsu kaisen x reader #sfw #reader insert #yuji itadori #jjk itadori #gojo satoru #nobara kugisaki #megumi fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen various x reader #soft yandere #web of love #web of love jjk

[nixoon-again]

i have so many thought about tails growing up. like sonic gets more like tails, tails gets more like sonic in a way but worse.

sonic learns how to show more affection through words and actions, where he didn't know what how to deal with his emotions and buried them deep for no one to see, he learns to be more open and grows as a person who wants to be here with his friends and family, and learns to share his worries with his family too.

while tails — raised by an 11 year old who didn't talk much, didn't stick around for long, didn't like long hugs, felt trapped in too many people, hated being stuck in one place, wanted nothing but the fresh air in his quills away and alone yet so selflessly helping everyone he can — grows into a person who doesn't really know if his emotions even matter or what he should do with them. he doesn't want to cry, he doesn't want to be seen crying, he doesn't want anyone near him in his more vulnerable moments. he loathes the idea. he questions himself every night whether he actually loves his friends and family or whether they love him or are they just being nice for the sake of an unlovable kid. it's drifting them apart, it snowballs from the solo adventure tails was so excited to go on. he doesn't know how long that adventure is going to be or should it even be called an adventure because really its just him running away from the people whose presence is starting to suffocate him, he doesn't know if its the idea of hugs and "I missed you"s and celebrations that makes him want to run or his inability to handle his own emotions anymore. he's not fond of physical contact, he would rather not use his voice, he doesn't want to stay here anymore, there's an itch within him to get away, get away, get away.

but he can't. that's not who he is. so he returns and suffocates.

sonic tries to surprise him one night after a successful project by making dinner. he welcomes the fox, now taller than him, with open arms and a warm smile. tails looks at him, knows sonic is offering the hug this time for no reason but simply because he can — and where a certain 8 year old would've been ecstatic at the sight and would've ran into his brother's arms and wouldn't have let go, now is a different story. tails doesn't know what to do. he looks lost, none of his seemingly infinite knowledge helps him in that moment.

sonic notices the distress and asks if everything is okay but tails, having heard it so many times in his life, simply says "nothing. you worry too much."

tails barely touches the food, neither of them talk, he doesn't sleep. its 1:34 am. he gets the tornado and leaves.

sonic waits because regardless of everything, tails always comes back.

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #working on thta future fic got me feeling things again #anyway. sorry for rambling #maybe one day I'll compile this into a nice lil fic

[samkerrworshipper]

losing | leah williamson x reader

lol i based this off of a sermon that i listened to this morning lol so enjoy! also loosely based off a multitude of requests i’ve been sent x

You’d never felt more heart broken in your life than you did in this moment. Looking out at a crowd of people you didn’t know, a crowd of people that were feeling a fraction of the disappointment you were. You’d collapsed to the grass as soon as the whistle had blown, your heart shattering into a million pieces on the pitch. You’d worked your ass off, your whole team had worked their asses off, and yet you’d still fallen short, it still wasn’t enough.

You couldn’t even really make out the crowd, the overwhelming disappointment that was covering your lungs and clouding your brain stopping you from being able to feel anything besides your own body, the feeling of your stomach dropping, the feeling of your lungs breathing in cold air that burned in your throat and the pure dread that you could feel in your heart with every pump that it did, the disappointment in yourself spreading throughout your whole body through your veins and blood. You’d never failed like this, hell, your debut for the Lionesses had been the home Euro’s, where you hadn’t lost a single game. You were the youngest Ballon D’or winner, you were a golden boot winner, you were so much better than this, your team expected you to be better than this, Sarina expected you to be better than this.

The tears streaming down your face hurt, they hurt to push out and they hurt dripping down your face. The burning sensation of the cold wind mixing with the liquid dripping down your face steadily. Second was always the first to lose. That was something your parents had always told you growing up, no matter what sport you were playing, second place is always the first to lose, and there is nothing worse than losing. You’d never really been a loser per say, your debut senior team had been Barcelona, who were soaring in the Champion’s league, every week was a victory. You’d hardly lost with the Lionesses, and the one game that you’d never been able to comprehend losing you had, you’d lost.

A few minutes went by, of you lying by yourself on the pitch, you could hear the Spanish team celebrating, the women bathing in their victory. That was about all you could hear, the feelings of disappointment being enough noise for your ears. It was like that for a little while, your brain busying your body with enough thoughts, but then, when the adrenaline started to wear off and the real effects of the game started to set in you felt it all come crashing down. Suddenly you could feel everything, from your teammates crying a few metres away from you, the Spanish women celebrating, to the crowd that surrounded you. Everything was too much for you, the tears on your face, the oxygen in your lungs it was all too much, you couldn’t be here, you were a failure, a disappointment, a burden to the whole team. Your tried to stand up from the pitch, but you were humbled by the fact that you had just played a whole 90 minutes of football and on top of that you’d been on the receiving end of a slide tackle that had managed to hurt your ankle, enough that you probably shou;dn’t have stayed on, but it was the World Cup, you would play with a broken leg if you had to. The adrenaline and endorphins had been enough of a pain killer, but now your body was cold and no longer riding on it’s high, everything hurt, from the hair on your head to the stabbing pain that was shooting up your leg from your ankle.

Your feet squelched in the grass as you limped across the pitch, making your way over to the team huddle that was congregating. Your boots long forgotten, laying somewhere on the pitch, they didn’t matter, nothing mattered any more. You let Georgia and Alessia wrap their arms around you in the huddle, you tried your hardest to listen to what Sarina was saying, but it was clear her words were falling on deaf ears, all of you girls as equally gutted as each other, you could hardly stand on your ankle, you could hardly think, let alone really take in the words of the Dutchwoman. You were supposed to win, supposed to be here to make your parents proud, to make everyone proud, and instead all you could feel was the overwhelming fear that you’d let them all down, that instead of making them all proud like you were supposed to, you’d failed them.

You were taken from the group to do the presentations, the silver medal around your neck just another reminder than you had lost, another reminder that you’d fallen short. Lucy and Keira tried to give you a hug, the same with a lot of your Barca teammates, but you weren’t in the headspace, you had to remind yourself to breathe every few seconds, you didn’t have the capacity to do much more than that.

Georgia lead you back to the changerooms, tears leaking from both of your eyes as the two of you made your way down the tunnel, the both of you just eager to be away from the cameras, away from everything. The change rooms were silent, the only sound to be heard was the very faint noise of the music coming from the Spanish rooms, the only sound that could be heard in the locker rooms was the sound of crying, coming from a series of people, sobs filling the air. You managed to limp your way to your cubby, pushing yourself into the space and folding into yourself, your whole body giving out, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, this wasn’t how this whole month was supposed to end. You’d given everything for this world cup, and yet it wasn’t enough, it was never going to be enough.

A few of the vets came over to comfort you, Millie, Rach, Lucy, Keira. All of their words though, meant nothing to you, you were a failure, as far as you were concerned you’d failed them and it was killing you.

You stayed in your cubby, unmoving, unmotivated to do much more than pray that a random black hole would appear and suck you up right now. It didn’t. Instead you stayed shivering, crying in a mixture of sadness and pain. You stayed that way, until a certain injured England captain sat down in front of you, her eyes soft and a few dried tear tracks on her face.

“Hey sweetheart.”

Her voice was so quiet, so soft, so gentle. You pursed your lips, you didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve her kindness.

“Leave me alone.”

Your voice was weak, and any of the aggression you were trying to direct towards the woman was lost in the insecurity you were feeling.

Leah leant down to your toes, her warm hands clutching onto your freezing toes and warming them up slightly.

“C’mon, the bus is about to leave, let’s get you back to the hotel.”

You shook your head blindly at Leah and she frowned, she knew it wasn’t going to be an easy job trying to get you out of here, Millie and Rach had warned her that you were gutted and that even their words hadn’t been able to get through to you.

Leah leant down, collecting the majority of your things from your locker and throwing them into your kit bag. Once she was done she looked back at you, acknowledging the fact that you had not moved a centimetre from where you had been before her ministrations.

She sat down as close as she could get to you, her hand falling to your bare knee cap and squeezing it.

“I know you don’t want to leave, but we have to, I’ll come on the bus with you if you want, and I’ll stay with you tonight, Georgia can room with Less and Tooney for tonight.”

You nodded at her quickly, you needed Leah tonight, you didn’t necessarily think you deserved her but you would take her offer up.

“C’mon then, let’s get you on the bus.”

Leah lifted her hand off of your knee, offering them to you as an assist to get you standing. You took them, allowing Leah to lift you from the bench and putting you on your feet. Your groaned almost immediately, the shooting pain across your ankle chilling you to your bones. Leah lifted you up by your armpits, slinging one of your arms around her shoulder to lift the pressure from your sore ankle. She stopped your sliders down on the floor, allowing you to step into them before beginning the walk out of the tunnel and towards the bus.

The bus was close to silent, all of your teammates piled in. There was a lot of crying, a lot of sleeping and a lot of wide eyed and quiet girls. You slid into a window seat, Leah following you and sitting beside you on the aisle. Her hand fell to your thigh, you didn’t say anything, didn’t look at her, just kept your eyes on the city as you drove through it on your way back to the hotel.

The mood was quite similar as the team made its way off the bus, all of you slumped over and slugging your way through the lobby up to your rooms. As soon as Leah closed the door behind you everything broke for you, everything you’d been feeling for the past few hours came crashing down on your like a freight train. Your ankle hurt. You were a failure and you didn’t deserve anything that Leah was trying to give you.

You’d let her help you out of your uniform, and even though she’d seen you naked thousands of times and studied you more intimately then anybody else, standing in front of her nude whilst she fished through your suitcase for clothes was so raw. It made you feel like she could feel and read all of your thoughts, it was a kind of vulnerable that you’d never been exposed to before. You shivered in front of Leah and if she took notice she didn’t vocalise, she was almost clinical in her job of redressing you, no stray eyes or hands, she gave herself a job and she achieved it fairly quickly.

Once she had finished you collapsed onto your bed, tugging for the shitty hotel duvet and pillow as your comfort. Leah slid onto the bed beside you, lying down on her side next to you, her hand coming up to rest on your face.

“I love you no matter what, I know this sucks, I know it’s rough but you played so well sweet and you couldn’t have done much more, it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Leah’s words stung, you weren’t used to losing and she knew it, especially not at this magnitude. You had never experienced losing a important game on a national level, you’d never experienced losing a grand final and you were still only 21.

“I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve for you to love me. I lost, we fucking lost, I could have tried harder, could have centred those shots, could have done better. I don’t deserve any of this, Sarina should fucking fire me, I was hopeless on the pitch.”

Leah’s face deflated, the accolades that you already had accomplished were insane, you were one of the best players in the world, and you were only 21. You were running with the big girls, and a lot of the time she forgot that, forgot that you were still only a kid.

“Y/n, you did the best you could, and you were exceptional on the field, you couldn’t have done anything else. Win or loss you are deserving of love, no matter what happens you are deserving of love. You are only 21 sweetheart, 21 and you have already won two champions league finals, a home Euro’s and a Ballon D’or, not to mention the golden boots and other awards you’ve accumulated. You are beyond what anything would have ever expected, you are exceptional and Sarina knows it, everyone on the team knows it. Without your goals and efforts this tournament the team wouldn’t have gotten as far as they did, you deserve to be loved for that and also for being you.”

You couldn’t help the tears that begun to steadily resume their flood down your face, Leah reached her hand up, wiping the tears and opening her arms to you.

You threw yourself into her arms, rejoicing in the warmth and support it provided. Leah was your captain, she was your bestfriend but she was also your girlfriend, something that you’d missed so much over this tournament. She was right, you were still only 21 and spending a month away from the woman, only seeing her after games or on days you had off. Sarina had told the team that she wanted no distractions, and you were never going to disobey her, but it had taken a part of your heart being away for Leah so long, normally you were glued to her side.

“Why do you love me when I failed, why do you still love me when I fucked up?”

Your words were spat out between sobs, sobs that were falling into Leahs shoulder, the space of her body you’d chose to find solace in.

“I love you no matter what sweet, I know that’s hard to believe, but no matter how much you fuck up on the pitch I will always love you, I will always be here for you, rain or shine you are my everything and that’s all that matters.”

Leah’s words were solid, she knew how much you needed her affirmations, that you brain was betraying every piece of self worth she’d tried to instill in you during your time together, when you’d gotten together you’d been a shell of a player, a kid with a whole lot of talent but absolutely zero confidence in herself. She’d tried her very hardest every single day to prove to you how worthy you were, and she’d had a lot of advancement with you,but there were bad days, bad moments, setbacks. This was one of those setbacks, one of the moments where the olderwomens heart broke for you, broke for the fact that your parents had been so hard on you from such a young age, that they’d made you feel like you only deserved to be loved when you were succeeding. It aggravated her, watching as you fought with yourself every single day to convince yourself that you were deserved, that you were worthy of being loved and cared for.

“We lost.”

You words were hardly words, mere broken syllables that Leah managed to piece together, it was significantly difficult considering all your words were muffled by her hoodie, but she managed.

“I know, I know and it sucks. We’ve got the nations league coming up though, there’s that. Or the Olympics next year, and the next World Cup and Euros. You have such a bright future my love, this is only the beginning.”

She heard the way you deflatedly exhaled into her hoodie, your body was well and truly spent, tired and overworked to the bone. Leah knew that, knew you’d been stringing yourself thin and she was so glad that she now had you in her arms, that she could look out for you now instead of observing how much longer you had left before you burnt yourself out, now that she had you though she wouldn’t let it happen, she would make sure that you were looking after yourself.

“Go to sleep honey, you’re tired, you need your rest with the early flight in the morning.”

She was right, in all of this you still had a 8am flight home. A flight that you’d hoped you’d still be on your high for, instead of being an all time low on.

“I love you Leah.”

Your words were murmured against her chest, your body finally relaxing against her own, making Leah happy that you were finally allowing yourself to be vulnerable with her.

“I love you too my sweet, my little superstar, so perfect just for me.”

She pressed her hand to your cheek, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your forehead and then a quick peck to your lips before angling your head back into her neck, your head finding comfort among the bony expanse.

“I’m sorry.”

Your words were murmured hotly against her neck, your breaths slowly evening out and becoming slower against her skin.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, you are perfection my girl and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if I have to.”

#woso #woso community #lionesses #leah williamson #leah williamson is mom #golden retriever leah vibes #leah williamson is boyf #leah williamson is mother #i love leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson imagine

[lasirenatarot]

💫🌟WHAT BLESSINGS ARE COMING YOUR WAY? 💫 timeless pick-a-card reading.

- SIDE NOTE: some days my intuition is craaaazy (today 23.07.2023 is one of those days😂), so I decided to do this very random reading. It may be disorganized and totally not resonating for some, but it may help others, as Im writing all that I get without a clear topic, so enjoyyy!!

Piles:

1->2

3->4

Photos: Magdalena Frackowiak for Harper’s Bazaar USA, september 2009

PILE 1

Okayy so possible blessings coming your way, those who chose pile 1:

Short term luck; possible salary raise/ bonus/ promotion; for some it may be a sum of money you didn’t have to work much for or somebody simply just gave to you, money you won from the lotery or gambling; giveaway wins; finding a banknote on the street; finding lost jewelry/items; for some it may be more sales of your products that certain month if you’re a business owner etc. - the main point is you will get sth bc of luck (money/present/item..), not much hard work.

More $€x, pl€asure, parties, celebrations (carefree times basically) coming your way.

You may go on a holiday where you celebrate sth, have pl€asurable experiences. All this may be after time in which you have been waiting on for a loooong time. Prior to that you may have been « isolating » yourself a bit so you can work on yourself, your mental health, cleanse yourself spiritually from bad energy you’ve had in you from the past & heal from sth.

Tip for this pile: don’t go into excesses; do everything in moderation - drinking,partying, $£x, don’t take unnecessary risks, don’t be greedy or careless with your money; going against that may lead to an unpleasant a-ddiction of some sort.

PILE 2

Hope after tough time. You may get good news about a situation you’ve been worried about; You may find a solution to a problem, the truth about sth which may later lead you to the solution..

Someone might have lied to you/ did you wrong, bc of that you felt like your « life » was falling apart but it was actually a blessing; Learning who was a fake person in your life and who was actually faithful was the blessing;

You will have new beginnings in your life- might be a new job/new relationship/new friends/even new home or area where you live;

some may start new important friendships, change in social circle is sth prominent in this pile; you might feel way more valued and happy in this new social circle;

Some might have found out about infidelities /lots of lies, which may be the reason for all these changes; the situation may look bad at first sight but it will free you from a burden that was never yours ro carry in the first place.

Changes might happen very quickly;

You will get on a new journey to find your true happiness

PILE 3

Okay the first thing I got may not resonate for many but if you’ve been wishing for a child/pregnancy, or to start a family, it may be coming soon.

Those who are not looking to start a family it may mean that you may have some carefree days coming ahead, you will live your life like a baby, without that much responsibilities;

Some may get some sort of inheritance;

Money

Moving to a new house;

A lot of you may cut ties with their past, get rid of their past bad habits, toxic people and situations; you have to leave your past experience behind in order to live your ‘dream’

A dream of yours you tought was impossible to get may come into fruition during this time you’re reading this/near future. You just have to be strong and keep the faith.

Love for many of you!!!!

You may get help from a female figure or your intuition on sth that is bothering you;

PILE 4

Healing;

GOOD HEALTH ( for me that is the biggest blessing that’s why I wrote it in all caps )

Huuuuuuuge changes in your love life!!!! I cannot stress this enough, so many signs here in the cards.

If you’re single, the love interest you meet might be VERY masculine, career oriented, might look cold on the outside (won’t be true when you get to know that person tho, they seem like a sweetheart, u just have to get them out of their shell..); might be a foreigner or you may simply meet them away from home/abroads;

Your « cup » will be overflowing with love and emotions, but you don’t have to lose yourself completely. Boundaries and everything in moderation are important things to have in relationships😄

If you were mistreated in previous relationships - you will get your justice.

Those who are in a relationship might get proposed to or move in together; become official if you haven’t already, sth like that => getting to the next level.

Glow up, confidence boost; end of melancholy;

You will get things you’ve even have not let yourself dream about bc it seemed delusional at the time, what u get will exceed all your expectations;

Off topic but, Pile 4, be careful of envy, gossips&lies. Get rid of your subconcious limitations.

As always, leave a comment if resonated & follow for more.

- La Sirena.💋

#tarot #lasirenatarot #tarot blog #pac #tarot reading #pick a card #pick a pile #free tarot #free tarot readings #oracle #fortune telling #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #tarot readings #tarot spread #daily tarot #blessings #love tarot reading #tarot cards #editorial #chanel #harpers bazaar #magdalena frackowiak

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Dad!Changbin x F!Reader TW : angst ; talk of child loss ; reader is pregnant ; guilt ; anger ; reader has the baby (non-descriptive) ; postpartum depression ; paranormal experience ; happy ending because they deserve it ; (I know these TW's are all over the place, but trust me it makes sense I hope) ; Word Count : 2.6k Request : I feel like part 2 is needed for Changbin, he deserves it, reader deserves it.

The two lines faded into view on the little white stick, but instead of that feeling of excitement that most women would get when finding out something like this, you were filled with guilt. The therapist that you and Changbin had been going to for this had told you that over time, the feeling of guilt would go away and that the two of you would even begin to actively try having a baby again. The both of you were highly doubtful about that. 

To be entirely honest, it’s been almost 4 whole years since you and Changbin had tried for a baby, and it’s not like the two of you were trying for one now. Things had gotten… sloppy during a night of drinking, celebrating your 6 year anniversary does that to people, and now here you were, sitting on the edge of the bathtub trying not to cry. 

It felt wrong to be having another baby, it felt wrong to even attempt to be happy about it. It wasn’t just the guilt though, it was fear. Fear of the unknown outcome of this pregnancy. Would this baby make it, or would you and Changbin go through 9 months of dreams and planning and hope and excitement just to have this child taken away from you too? It was absolutely terrifying, and you didn’t know how or even if you should tell Changbin, not wanting to get his hopes up either. 

///

“It’s a girl!” “Your pregnancy is progressing well, your daughter is healthy.” “Your due date is October 14th! We’re coming right up on it!” All of these things you had heard before, but you refused to let yourself get excited. Now, as you sat in the waiting room where expectant mothers sat with their husbands or their boyfriends, smiles on all their faces, you could only feel sadness. 

It was a conundrum to be quite honest. You felt awful for having another baby, you felt guilty, like you were replacing the daughter that you had lost. With all of that, you also felt bad for this new baby, this little girl that didn’t know the pain that you and Changbin had gone through, yet her arrival wasn’t looked at in the same light as your other daughters. That made you feel even more guilty because it wasn’t this baby’s fault, it wasn’t anyone's fault. 

“The due dates are the same…” Changbin whispered to you as his thumb brushed along your tense knuckles. The irony of both girls sharing the same due date was scary, downright terrifying. It almost felt like an omen, or a way for the universe to preemptively prepare you for another loss. “She’s our little rainbow baby. She’s coming on her sister's birthday so that we won’t be sad every year.” 

You weren’t sure how Changbin could still be so optimistic. Maybe he was just trying to cheer you up so that you wouldn’t worry so much, but it seemed like he was happier than you were at the announcement of your pregnancy. He was ready to start this next chapter in your life, and you were still hung up on the pages from 3 chapters ago. “It doesn’t seem right. Why… Why would she decide to come on her sister’s birthday? How am I supposed to be happy and celebrate the life of another child on the day that we lost our girl? I just… It feels wrong, Bin…” 

It’s not that Changbin didn’t understand, he fully grasped what you meant. Deep down he was suffering with guilt, but he knew that it would be unfair to his second child to treat her any differently just because of the loss of his first daughter. “Baby, it wasn’t her decision on when to come. She might come earlier, she might come later. But her birth will never overshadow Chonsa. We can celebrate the both of them if she does decide to come on Chonsas birthday.” But even that felt wrong, everything about this pregnancy felt wrong even though things were going perfectly fine. “Maybe… Maybe this is what Chonsa wanted… So that you wouldn’t be sad anymore. So that day wouldn’t be one where you spent all day crying again. Maybe-” 

“Stop… Seriously, Changbin.” You mumbled, biting the insides of your cheeks as you averted your eyes, looking anywhere but at him so that he wouldn’t see you getting teared up. “You know I don’t like talking about that… I just want to get this appointment over with and go home, okay?” So he went quiet, nodding his head as he squeezed your hand. He was trying, he was doing his best. You had both gone through the same thing, but you were both handling it in very different ways. 

///

“Baby, you need to eat. Please… You’re worrying me…” Changbins voice was riddled with worry as he stood outside the bedroom door. You hadn’t left the room since you’d been home from the hospital after delivering your daughter, and what scared Changbin even more was the fact that you hadn’t even held her. As soon as you walked through the front door, you had grabbed Chonsas urn from the mantle and gone straight into your bedroom, refusing to leave for anyone or anything. It had been 2 days since then and Changbin was beginning to panic. “Ssoni needs you… I need you… We need you… Y/N, please…” 

Something loud thudded against the bedroom door, causing Changbin to jump back as he held Ssoni closer to his chest. “Leave me alone, Changbin! You finally got your baby, let me just stay in here with mine!” You screamed, and there wasn’t more than a second of silence before your sobs were heard through the door. 

This was expected, the doctors had all talked to you and Changbin about the possibility of depression after having another baby, especially considering what had happened the first time. The only thing is that Changbin hadn’t realized just how bad it could get. “Fine… If that’s what you want to do, fine. Just… please, eat something.” Begging hadn’t worked yesterday or the day before though, so he knew that begging today wouldn’t work either, but it was worth a shot. 

There was no response, only the continued sound of your crying, and Changbin felt absolutely helpless. You didn’t want to be near him, you didn’t want to be near the baby. He had called the guys to ask them what to do, he had called the doctors to see if there was anything he could do. All of them said to just give you a little bit of time right now, and if you weren’t starting to get better in a week that he should take you somewhere to get help, but that in itself felt wrong. Of course you’d be upset, and he knew that you had a lot of questions, questions that nobody had an answer to. He had those questions too, but right now, he had to push all of his feelings aside so that he could be there for Ssoni, so he could try to be there for you. 

Each hour that passed had Changbin panicking more and more, and it only got worse once you went silent. He’d press his ear against the door, straining to hear the sound of your fast paced breaths that would indicate that you were sleeping. God, how he missed sleeping beside you, holding you close against his chest, your hair tickling his nose whenever you’d move the slightest bit. He missed the smell of your shampoo, the way you’d steal all the blankets on the coldest mornings, the way you smacked your lips whenever you rolled over. He missed being able to just be with you, but it seemed like the sight of him and the sight of Ssoni only irritated you more. 

“Postpartum depression. It’s not rare, it’s actually quite common. In her case, we have to remember that Y/N has gone through more than what most mothers have gone through. She’s lost a child, and her emotions are very clearly still strongly affecting her. Now, with her hormones out of balance after just having another daughter, her emotions are only going to be stronger. I’m sure that it doesn’t make matters better considering your daughter was born only a day after the loss of your first daughter. She might have mood swings, she might sleep more or less, she might not want to even interact with the new baby. There’s a lot of symptoms that come along with PPD, but they should subside within a week or two, and if they don’t, we can set her up with a therapist, or prescribe her some sort of hormonal medication to balance out the hormones. For now, I suggest just looking out for her, taking care of her in a way that won’t upset her. We don’t want to overwhelm her, and we surely don’t want to force her to do anything. Just give her time and space, and I’m sure that she’ll be fine.” 

Changbin hated the fact that you were suffering silently, the fact that he couldn’t do anything this time because you didn’t want his help. It was the waiting game, and he tried to keep the doctors updated daily, hoping that they’d give him something different that he could try to do to get you out of the room, but they’d just say the same exact thing each time. How much longer was he going to have to have to wait? How much longer was too long? His heart was breaking. He finally had the family that he felt was stolen from him 3 years ago, and now you didn’t want any part of it. Was he never meant to be truly happy? 

///

“Momma! Dadda!!” Ssoni called from her bedroom, her shrieking voice jolting you from your slumber. You sat straight up in your bed, shaking Changbin from his even deeper sleep before kicking the blankets from off your legs and getting out of bed. “Momma!!!” Ssoni called again, and this time Changbin was jumping up out of the bed, his eyes not even open as he ran to the door and out into the hallway with you following close behind. 

“What’s the matter, honeybear?” Changbin groggily asked, the bright lights that had been turned on in her room were practically blinding after stepping out of the darkness of your own bedroom. Your daughter, who had been standing in the middle of the room, clinging tightly onto her stuffed bear, ran over to Changbin and lifted her arms, demanding to be picked up. “Did you have a bad dream?” He questioned, brushing his fingers through your daughter's curly hair. 

“Nuh uh!” Your daughter's head shook quickly before she pointed into the corner of her room. “Dere’s a girl! She over dere!” Panic set in almost immediately, as it would with any parent, especially the parent of a famous child that was known around the world. Her tiny finger continued to point into the corner, and what was worse was the fact that she was basically pointing at her closet. It was big enough for anyone to hide in, so you quickly grabbed your daughter out of Changbins arms and went back into your own bedroom. 

Changbin returned quickly, and the panic that was once written across his features was gone now, replaced only with confusion as he looked between you and his daughter that laid underneath the blankets in the middle of the middle. “Honeybear…” Changbin murmured, climbing into the bed beside her and brushing her hair away from her face. “Are you sure you weren’t just having a bad dream? There’s no one there…” 

Ssoni sighed loudly, her tiny bottom lip booting out as her face scrunched up. “Yes! Dere was a girl! She say… She want to see me! She say she love me!” You and Changbin looked at each other with narrowed eyes as you both listened to your daughter rant. “She say… She my big sister… Her name… Chonsa? Yeah! Chonsa!” Ssoni nodded her head just to ascertain that the name she said was correct, but it felt like the air had been knocked from your chest as you listened to your 5 and a half year old daughter say the name. 

Neither you, nor Changbin had ever told her about her sister, she was far too young to understand. The two of you never even brought up your daughter around Ssoni, not wanting to answer any questions that she might have because you both knew the topic wasn’t one that she would grasp. “Did she… Did she say anything else, honeybear?” You asked, trying not to get choked up already, and you could see in the low light of the moon cascading across the room the glistening of Changbins eyes. 

“She say you and dadda don’t have be sad no more… Cause she love you too… And she say… She say it not you fault…” Ssoni said it so lightly, as if recounting a simple conversation with a friend. She didn’t know that what she was saying had you swallowing back tears and clenching your teeth to hold back the sobs that were building in your throat. “She say dat she hear dadda talk to her evy night… And dat she miss you too… And she say dat she here all time… And dat she keep me safe… And she send me for you to not be sad no more…” Ssoni shrugged before nesling deeper into the pillows between you and Changbin, her childlike mind oblivious to the way you and Changbin were both silently crying. “I sleepy now… I go sleep here.” She muttered, pulling the blankets up higher around her body. 

It was hard to fall asleep, almost impossible, so you and Changbin both laid quietly beside your daughter until you were sure she was fully asleep before slipping out of the bedroom and going to the living room. “She wouldn’t know that… She wouldn’t know any of that… Bin… How does she know that?” You gasped out, falling against Changbins shoulder and he immediately held you close, his body trembling with shaky breaths. 

“I don’t know… But… She knows… She… She knows a lot… And I think maybe it’s time to tell her about her sister… Just a little bit. It’s clear that… Chonsa visits her…” You sighed softly. This type of thing wasn’t something that you believed in, not because it didn’t seem true, it’s just that you slept easier thinking that it was fake. Now, with everything that happened tonight, everything that Ssoni had said, you couldn’t not believe it. “She’s still here with us… She’ll always be here with us… And it’s nice to know that Ssoni was sent to us by our little angel… She doesn’t want us to be sad… And she knows we love her… She knows…” 

You nodded your head along with his words, tears finally slipping down your cheeks. It felt bittersweet, it felt like you had just finished an entire story, one that had more heartbreak, more sorrow than you could ever imagine. You were finally picking up the next book in the series, and this one was lighter, happier. There was no more sadness, there were no more tears to be shed as you flipped through the pages of life. You had both your little girls with you, one was an angel, and the other was sent by that angel so that you wouldn’t have to feel sadness, so you wouldn’t have to feel that loss. You were happy, Changbin was happy, and you both felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. The weight of loss, grief, guilt… It had all been washed away. You had each other, and you had been given back the chance to be parents to your beautiful little girl once more. 

A/N : Putting this at the end so I don't spoil the ending! I know that the whole ending is strange, and I know a lot of people don't believe in stuff like that. It's loosely based off of a personal experience though from when my own mom went through something like this with my baby brother who passed away, and my other younger brother who was about 5 at the time would talk to my baby brother and play with him. So it wasn't just some "gotta tie things together" ending. I was planning on it ending like that from the beginning. They needed closure.

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[lucybronzey]

new beginnings I - lucy bronze

pairing: Lucy Bronze x fem! reader (she/her) warnings: fluff, mention of children and alcohol word count: 3,446 author's note: This one probably comes in a few parts so be ready! I have also put some personal views into this as I really wanted to bring in some Northern European vibes into this. Please note that my dyslexia still affects my writing and there can be lots of grammar/vocabulary/phrasing mistakes. Feedback is always welcome! Please do not translate, copy/paste or take credit/ownership of any of my stories! summary: The brisk Estonian air swirled around Y/N as she walked through the charming streets of Tallinn, lost in her thoughts. She smiled to herself, thinking about the remarkable journey she had embarked upon with her beloved wife, Lucy Bronze. Their love had blossomed over time, transcending borders and cultures. Lucy, a world-renowned football star, had captured Y/N's heart with her determination, humour and kindness. Despite their demanding schedules, they managed to build a life together, supporting each other through thick and thin.

Tallinn's cobblestone streets echoed with the sound of Y/N's footsteps as she strolled through the charming Old Town. The medieval architecture and the scent of good food wafting from nearby cafes and restaurants created a picturesque backdrop. It was a city she loved dearly, a place where her roots intertwined with her aspirations.

Y/N was a woman of quiet strength and boundless dreams. With wavy (your hair colour) hair that framed her face and thoughtful eyes that held the wisdom of experiences beyond her years, she had an air of grace that drew people toward her. A proud Estonian, Y/N felt a deep connection to her homeland, carrying its rich history and vibrant culture within her heart.

As she walked, Y/N's thoughts drifted to Lucy Bronze, the woman who had captured her heart and had been married for a year. Lucy, with her radiant smile and eyes that sparkled like the clearest skies, was a force of nature both on and off the football field. Y/N had first seen her play during a televised match, a fierce determination emanating from her as she led the Lionesses to victory in the Euros. From that moment, her admiration for Lucy had blossomed into something more profound.

Flashback.

It had been a night of celebration, euphoria filling the air as England's triumph was celebrated throughout the women's football world. Lucy Bronze's exceptional performance earned her accolades and the hearts of fans worldwide. The victory had been hard-fought and the joyous energy of the achievement had translated into an unforgettable afterparty held in an elegant hotel overlooking the bustling city of London.

Y/N had been immersed in the celebratory atmosphere. She had attended the afterparty through a connection with mutual friends, her excitement palpable as she mingled with fellow football players, team members and mutual friends. Being in the presence of such a remarkable athlete as Lucy was an honour in itself and Y/N had never imagined that fate had a different kind of honour in store for her that night.

Amid the lively music, clinking glasses and bursts of laughter, Y/N's eyes eventually found Lucy across the room. Her heart had raced at the sight of the defender, whose exhaustion from the game seemed to only enhance her magnetic presence. Lucy's genuine smile and easy laughter were contagious, spreading like wildfire through the gathering.

As the night progressed, Y/N found herself drawn into the same circles as Lucy. It was a stroke of luck, or perhaps destiny, that had allowed them to cross paths. When they finally connected, Y/N felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement. She had followed Lucy's career, admired her skill on the field and now, here she was, in the same space as the person who had become a source of inspiration.

Their conversation flowed effortlessly as if they were old friends catching up after a long time apart. Y/N learned about Lucy's journey in the women's football world – the sacrifices, the hard work and the unwavering determination that had led her to become one of the sport's most formidable players. Lucy, in turn, was intrigued by Y/N's stories of her Estonian heritage, her passions and her dreams beyond the football field.

Amid the celebratory atmosphere, they found a quieter corner where they could hear the distant rhythm of the waves crashing against the shore. The twinkling lights above them cast a warm glow, creating an intimate space where their connection deepened. Glasses filled with a mix of beer, rum and wine sat before them, each sip accentuating the thrill of the moment.

Their laughter mingled with the night air, creating a melody that was uniquely their own. They shared stories of their lives, experiences that had shaped them and dreams that had carried them through challenges. It was as if the universe had conspired to bring them together on this lush night, where time seemed to stretch, allowing them to explore the depths of each other's souls.

As the hours ticked by, Y/N and Lucy felt a bond growing stronger with every word exchanged. They laughed, they debated and they shared moments of vulnerability that left an indelible mark on their hearts. Underneath the starlit sky, they discovered that their connection was more than just admiration from afar – it was a genuine and profound spark. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, a moment that sent an electrifying shockwave through both their bodies. It was a kiss that held the promise of everything that could be, a glimpse into the future they hadn't yet dared to imagine. Time seemed to stand still as they shared that stolen moment, a testament to the chemistry that had ignited between them.

As they pulled away, their breaths mingling in the hotel air, Lucy's fingers gently brushed against Y/N's cheek. The intensity of their connection was mirrored in their eyes, a silent acknowledgement of the path they were about to embark upon.

In the days that followed the unforgettable afterparty, Y/N and Lucy found themselves navigating the complexities of long-distance communication. They exchanged numbers and began sending messages that ranged from playful banter to heartfelt confessions. Despite the geographical distance that separated them, their connection only grew stronger.

Lucy's rigorous training schedule and Y/N's demanding work commitments meant that their conversations often spanned across time zones that were only two hours ahead or behind, but they made the effort to bridge the gap. Video calls became their lifeline, a way to see each other's smiles and hear the genuine laughter that had first drawn them together. In those moments, the miles between them seemed to vanish.

Their conversations were filled with shared dreams, whispered promises and the building anticipation of a future that was slowly taking shape. They found solace in each other's words, in the way they could confide in one another and in the reassurance that they were not alone in facing life's challenges.

As the weeks turned into months, Y/N and Lucy's bond deepened, the foundation of their relationship growing stronger with each passing day. They learned each other's quirks, shared their favourite books and talked about their hopes for the future. The distance that had once seemed daunting now served as a reminder of the strength of their connection.

As they continued to share their lives from across the sea, Y/N and Lucy's connection deepened into something neither of them had ever experienced before. Their messages and video calls became the highlights of their days and the promise of their future together seemed more real with each passing conversation.

Amidst the late-night talks and virtual laughter, Y/N and Lucy found themselves facing the practical challenges of a long-distance relationship. The geographical separation, while bridged by technology, was a reminder of the physical distance that kept them apart.

One evening, as they shared their dreams and aspirations over a video call, Lucy's voice took on a thoughtful tone.

"Y/N, I've been thinking," she began, her eyes earnest as she looked at the screen. "What if... What if you moved in with me?"

The idea hung in the air, a beacon of hope that illuminated the path before them. Y/N's heart raced at the thought, the prospect of waking up beside Lucy every day filling her with a mix of excitement and longing. The idea of a shared life, of intertwining their routines and dreams, was both exhilarating and humbling.

"Move in with you?" Y/N echoed, her voice tinged with a blend of surprise and delight. "You mean in London?"

Lucy nodded, a soft smile playing on her lips. "Yeah, London. My flat has enough space and I've been thinking that it could be a way for us to be closer, to really build our life together."

The idea resonated with Y/N. Moving to London, where Lucy's presence was a constant reminder of the love they shared, seemed like a logical step. And of course, you would be able to apply for jobs there or do some sort of remote working from there. It was a chance to bridge the gap that the miles had created and to start creating a life that was truly their own.

Over the next few weeks, Y/N and Lucy brainstormed logistics, discussing the practical aspects of Y/N's potential move. From finding a job in London to making sure Y/N felt at home in a new city, their conversations were filled with excitement and careful planning. The idea of building a life together became a reality they could almost touch. Although, as much Y/N knew about life in the UK as she had lived in the north before, everything was still very new to her in London.

However, just as their plans were taking shape, life threw a curveball. Lucy's football career took an unexpected turn – an opportunity to play for Barcelona arose, a move that would take her to a different country. While the news was met with excitement, it also brought a touch of bittersweet reality to their plans.

Y/N and Lucy faced a difficult decision. Their love was strong, but the practicalities of life sometimes required compromise. They discussed the possibility of Y/N moving to London as initially planned and after a few months, relocating again to be with Lucy in Barcelona. The prospect was challenging, but they both believed that their bond was worth every obstacle.

The idea of Y/N moving to London remained a beacon of hope, a step that would bring them closer together despite the uncertainty that loomed. They envisioned a life where they could explore the vibrant city, create a home filled with shared memories, and immerse themselves in the simple joys of being a couple. The prospect of Y/N moving to London was tantalising – a chance to build a solid foundation for their relationship before embracing the whirlwind adventure of relocating once more to Barcelona.

Their conversations shifted from hypotheticals to the practical aspects of Y/N's move. They researched neighbourhoods, scoured job listings and even discussed the interior design of Lucy's flat. The process of planning this new chapter of their lives was both exciting and nerve-wracking, as the reality of change began to take shape.

Yet, as their plans gathered momentum, so did Lucy's impending move to Barcelona. While the idea of Lucy playing for one of Europe's top clubs was exhilarating, it also brought a hint of sadness. The distance that would separate them once again felt like an insurmountable hurdle.

With open hearts, Y/N and Lucy revisited their original plan. They discussed the possibility of Y/N moving to London first, giving them a chance to settle into their new dynamic and create a home together. After a few weeks, Y/N would then make the move to Barcelona, solidifying their bond and facing the challenges that awaited them as a united front.

The prospect was both exciting and daunting. Y/N's heart ached at the thought of leaving behind her Estonian roots yet again, but she also recognised the significance of the opportunity. Her love for Lucy was steadfast and she knew that the challenges they faced were minor in comparison to the depth of their connection.

Lucy, too, grappled with the complexities of the situation. The career move was a dream come true, a testament to her hard work and talent. Yet, the idea of being separated from Y/N for another stretch of time weighed heavily on her. They had already navigated the waters of long-distance once and the idea of doing so again was a reminder of the sacrifices they were willing to make for their relationship.

As they continued to discuss and plan, their love only seemed to grow stronger. They were acutely aware of the challenges that lay ahead, but their shared vision of a future together, where the love they had nurtured would flourish, gave them the strength to face uncertainty head-on.

Their conversations transitioned from late-night calls to earnest discussions about the future that lay ahead. Y/N and Lucy strategised ways to make the upcoming separation more bearable, using technology and virtual dates to bridge the gap between them. The promise of reuniting in Barcelona after a few weeks became the guiding star that would help them navigate the challenges that lay ahead.

However, life has its own way of unfolding plans and destiny seemed to have a slightly different route in store for them. Y/N's priorities shifted as she realised that her move to London could be expedited. There were responsibilities to address in Tallinn before she could embark on this new chapter of her life and Y/N knew that taking care of these matters was essential.

With a heavy yet determined heart, Y/N made the choice to forego the original plan of moving to London first. Instead, she made preparations to join Lucy in Barcelona as soon as her Tallinn commitments were fulfilled. While the immediate reunion was a tantalising prospect, it also meant that they would be stepping directly into a new environment together, a leap of faith that they were both ready to take.

The last few days and weeks in Estonia were filled with happiness, desperation, sadness and enjoyment. It was of course saddening to leave the friends and families behind yet again but they were aware and knew that you could only find yourself and your happiness somewhere else rather than in a grey, cloudy Tallinn.

When the time finally came, Y/N boarded the plane to Barcelona with a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation. The journey felt like a whirlwind, the culmination of months of planning and heartfelt conversations. She carried her dreams, her love for Lucy and a suitcase filled with memories from Tallinn – the city where her roots were firmly planted.

Upon arriving in Barcelona, Y/N felt a sense of awe as she took in the vibrant city that would now be her home. The energy of the place matched the rhythm of her heartbeat and she knew that this was where her journey with Lucy would truly begin. As they settled into their shared life, Y/N felt a sense of calm and contentment wash over her. Everything seemed to fall into place as if the universe was aligning to support their love story.

The challenges they had anticipated were met with a united front. Navigating a new city, establishing routines and creating a home together became a collaborative adventure. The daily rhythm of their lives, from morning coffee to late-night conversations, solidified their bond even further.

As they walked the streets of Barcelona hand in hand, Y/N and Lucy's love seemed to expand, filling every corner of their shared space. The challenges that once seemed daunting now felt like mere stepping stones on their journey. Lucy's longing to marry Y/N grew stronger each day, as she realised that their love was unshakable, a force that could weather any storm.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of gold and pink across the sky, Lucy turned to Y/N with a smile that held a mixture of vulnerability and certainty.

"Y/N, there's something I want to ask you," she began, her eyes locked onto Y/N's.

Y/N's heart raced as she looked into Lucy's eyes, feeling a rush of emotions that words couldn't capture. And then, in a voice that trembled with a mixture of excitement and sincerity, Lucy spoke the words that Y/N had secretly hoped to hear.

"Will you marry me, Y/N?"

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as the weight of the moment sank in. With a joyful heart and a voice that quivered with emotion, she responded, "Yes, Lucy, a thousand times yes."

Their love story had come full circle, from an electric encounter at an afterparty to a life built on shared dreams, challenges and unwavering support. As they stood on the streets of Barcelona, their fingers intertwined and their hearts intertwined even further, Y/N and Lucy knew that their journey was just beginning, that the love they had discovered was bound to transcend every obstacle that came their way.

Back to the present day.

Their love story evolved from a chance encounter to a shared life filled with dreams, challenges and unwavering support. Since Y/N had moved to Barcelona to be with Lucy, their journey had taken them to new heights, cementing their bond in ways they could have never predicted. As they celebrated their first year of marriage, Y/N's heart swelled with gratitude for the love they had nurtured.

One of the pivotal moments had occurred shortly after Y/N's move to Barcelona. With a job at FC Barcelona Femení, Y/N had become immersed in the world of women's football. It was a passion that she shared with Lucy, who had always been an advocate for women's rights and equality in the sport.

One day, while scrolling through Facebook, Y/N came across a post that caught her attention. The Estonian Women's National Team was organising a football charity event in Tallinn and they were looking for foreign guests to talk about women's football and rights. The opportunity resonated deeply with Y/N and she couldn't help but think of Lucy.

Excitement bubbled within her as she reached out to Lucy with the idea.

"Hey, my darling, I just saw this post about a football charity event in Tallinn. They're looking for speakers to discuss women's football and rights. It's organised by the Estonian Women's National Team. What do you think? Would you be interested in being a guest speaker?"

Lucy's response came swiftly, her enthusiasm evident in her words. "Absolutely, my love! I'd love to do it. It's such an important topic and I'm really keen on sharing my thoughts and experiences."

With Lucy on board, Y/N reached out to the organisers, offering Lucy as a guest speaker for the event. The invitation was accepted with a massive gratitude and lots of 'thank yous' and soon plans were set in motion for both Y/N and Lucy to attend the charity conference in Tallinn.

The day of the event arrived and Y/N and Lucy found themselves surrounded by a number of football players, management members enthusiasts and advocates for women's rights. As they took the stage to share their views and experiences, the room buzzed with anticipation. Lucy's eloquence and passion shone through as she spoke about the importance of empowering women in football and breaking down barriers.

After the conference, Y/N and Lucy attended a friendly game between the Estonian Women's National Team and a visiting team. As they sat together in the stands, the thrill of the game mixed with their shared sense of purpose. They marvelled at how far the world of women's football had come and discussed the work that still lay ahead. There was still a lot of work to do on an Estonian level but Y/N could not help it and see how the admiration and passion for women's football had taken the route to new heights.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over A Le Coq Arena and Tallinn, Y/N turned to Lucy with a smile.

"You know, Lucy, I can't help but wonder about the future. When we have kids, I wonder how they'll take upon your admiration for football, your skills and our passion for women's rights."

Lucy's eyes lit up with a mixture of excitement and contemplation. "I've thought about that too, Y/N. It's a beautiful thought, isn't it? To imagine our children carrying on the legacy of love for the game and the fight for equality."

Their conversation lingered on the possibilities that lay ahead, a future where their shared values and passions would shape the lives of their children. As they gazed at the skyline, Y/N and Lucy felt a deep sense of connection – not just as partners in love and marriage, but as individuals committed to leaving a meaningful impact on the world.

In that moment, surrounded by the energy of Tallinn and the shared dreams of their future, Y/N and Lucy's love story continued to unfold, each chapter building upon the foundation they had built together. The Estonian sky above them stretched limitlessly, mirroring the vast possibilities they saw in their future – a future where their love, admiration and shared aspirations would continue to be a guiding light. And possibly something more.

#mine #read #masterlist #lucy bronze #lb #lucy bronze x reader #woso #woso x reader #woso imagine #lucy bronze imagine #lionesses #fc barca #fc barcelona #fc barcelona femeni #woso fanfics #wwc 2023 #lucy bronze one shot

[ynbabe]

Fake texts au- pt.15 bffs with the rookies+ "come pick me up I'm scared"

Okay, I was in my feels when I wrote this one, sooo- it's sad as shit 😭, this is a CW, I think?

| Masterlist |

"Well, I didn't ask," You responded to Logan, who kept you company as you walked from your dorm to your university in the UK, he had been struggling with jet lag as he was back home for the two-week break for the Vegas GP.

"Well, why didn't ya?" He called out, you told him to do jumping jacks to help go to sleep, you didn't know how it would help but the thought of him jumping around made you laugh.

"Mate, I've gotta call you back," you looked at the huge crowd of men and women with expensive cameras and microphones in front of her university's gates, "Bruv, there's gotta be a celebrity or someone dead."

"Okay," he said, panting, "I think it worked, imma go sleep," he cut the call.

"Scuse me, imma just pass through, to actually study here," you pushed through the crowd till someone grabbed your book bag and yelled, "IT'S HER- IT'S Y/N L/N."

And then, the chaos started.

The cameras began flashing till you couldn't see, mics shoved in your face making scarps and bruises as people pushed and pulled you, yelling questions in your face.

"How do you know the F1 drivers?" one yelled,

"Are you dating any of them?" came another,

"Is it true you're related to Fernando Alonso?" A woman asked, grabbing your hoodie.

The whirlwind went on for a few more minutes, you tried your best to get out of the storm without saying something that might negatively impact their reputations, but then came those questions.

"How's the cushy life since you've got baby Schumacher's pockets?" you heard someone yell.

You finally found an exit, that's it, just five more feet and you'd be free, you know you could outrun them, "Hey, y/n! Who fucks better?" Some guy called out from behind you.

"Your Mother," you yelled back, throwing a punch at the disgustingly proud-looking, fifty-something-year-old man. Shock rippled through the crowd where laughter had run at the question just a few seconds before.

You used the distraction to run back to your dorm room, only your phone in hand, your bag having been yanked off your back in the mess.

"What the fuck?" You panted as you saw your dormmates outside your room, cash in hand, you pushed them aside and ran in, only to find your laptop and iPad missing, along with the camera Lando had gifted to you, the signed 'inchident' from Max and Charles, the polaroid of you, oscar and Logan camping in when you were teenagers and the 'Build a bear' Arthur had gotten you with him saying an inside joke.

You felt your face warm as anger and tears pricked at you.

You turned around to find the unreadable faces of your dormmates, "Where the fuck is my stuff?" You asked, hoping it was all a joke like you hadn't just lost everything that gave you hope, that gave you happiness.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SHIT-" You yelled, slamming your hand on the room door, making your friends move back, one tried to speak, trying to make excuses, "DON'T CHAT TO ME, FUCK YOU-" you could hear your voice breaking, "fuck you," you did your best not to cry but it was becoming tough to not.

You ran out of the building, and despite their protests, you made your way through back alleys and corridors that only locals would know of, pulling up your hood in case anyone recognised you.

You thought of who you could call, Logan was in America, god you wished Logan was here with you, he wouldn't have let this happen in the first place, you laughed to yourself. Oscar and Arthur weren't around either. Max, Charles and Lando were all in Monaco, and you definitely not going to let Mick, someone you'd known barely for a month see you like this, and he wasn't in the UK.

You wiped your hands down your face, and dialled on your phone, "Alex..." your voice trembled against his cheerful greeting, making him worry, "Can you come pick me up please," you tried not to break down. How did it get to this?

"Yes, give me a few, are you okay? Y/n? Hey-" You cut the call, sending him your location. How were you asking for Alex's help? The same man who'd pat you awkwardly on your head every time he saw you. Someone who'd begun treating you like a little sister, along with Logan, bringing you food from the cafeteria, sneaking in Redbulls. Someone who you'd tease calling your older brother, making him cringe about 'I'm not that much older', so maybe he was the right one to go to.

You saw a car pull up and you knew it was Alex, seeing him through the driver's side window. You got into the car, only phone in hand and the clothes on your back. "Hey, what are-?" Came a protest from George, who was in the passenger seat, but stopped as soon as he saw you sitting in the seat, you really didn't want this to be your first impression.

The car didn't move, like he was waiting for some form of explanation, "You'll see," you whispered, making him sigh and drive.

As he passed the gates of your university, they saw what you had been running from, and both their eyes widened. Alex looked into the back-view mirror at your face and decided not to say anything. George on the other hand, began cursing the crowd, calling some people on his phone.

You couldn't make out what he was saying, too tired and too scared.

"Hey, y/n wake up," Alex moved your arm, startling you awake, you saw you were in a car park and got out the car, following mindlessly, behind George, who was typing his code in. If Alex noticed it, he kept it to himself, but you could tell he was concerned about something.

You followed as they led to the apartment, you sat on the couch, if it were a normal, visit you'd be off the walls about the beautiful place, with floor-to-ceiling windows and plants everywhere, terracotta furniture to match the gloomy blue-grey sky.

"Um, George's place was closer, hope that's okay," Alex spoke, softly like it would spook you. He was right.

"I'll make tea, then," George nodded and walked off.

"M-My phone's dead, I think," you sniffled out.

"Y/n, that's not really-" He began,

"Can I charge it please?" I asked, if I tried to pretend this disaster didn't happen, maybe it would be like it wouldn't have.

He took the phone out of your half-stretched hand, attaching it to a charging cord, a small 'ding' telling you that it was indeed charging.

"Y/n, what happened?" He asked sitting next to you on the sofa.

"They took everything," you began, making him frown, George too, was out of his depth, placing the tray with three mugs of tea, "M-My frie- roommates, sold my laptop and iPad, and all the things I'd gotten from you all." You began, but this time you couldn't hold in the tears that pricked at your eyes.

You cried into the sleeve of your hoodie, curling into yourself on the sofa.

All those memories were lost. You had photos all the way from your childhood on that laptop and now they were gone.

"Oh, um," He went in to hug you and patted your head, making you laugh.

''See! There we go!" He smiled wide, making you laugh more, "Here," he passed you a mug of tea, it had cooled off a little, so you could drink it.

"You punched someone?" Came George's voice, it was the only thing he'd said to you.

You looked sheepishly at your right fist, the knuckles of which had turned a nasty red.

"No worries, I'll go get a first-aid," He said, walking to get it, when he was back he sat you on your other side, "You know," he poured some anti-septic onto a cotton pad, "I think, you handled it quite well, they were some stupid questions," He said as he moved onto your face.

You hissed, "Wait, what?" You asked, "It's already on the net?" You felt another wave of anger and tears.

"Yup," Alex said, moving his phone to you, showing a reel on Instagram, where the man was asking you that question, edited with the 'your mom' sound and a 'thwack' when the punch landed, ending with an edit of you in cat ears and a high-pitched fast-paced song.

"What... the fuck?" You didn't know where to laugh or cry.

"Mate, why the edits?" George asked scoffing.

"Wait, check Twitter," You suggested suddenly seeing the hilarity of the situation, "ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME?" You yelled, gulping the last of your tea, "YOUR MOTHER IS TRENDING??" it wasn't on top of the trending list but it was there.

"Y/n... I think you're going to love this," George showed something on his phone, they'd turned your voice into an audio, and there were already hundreds of videos being made on it on TikTok.

"Fuck my life."

.xX A few hours later Xx.

George had given one of his flannels, noticing how dirty your hoodie had gotten.

The three of you ordered takeout and watched The Walking Dead all afternoon, he genuinely reminded you of a posh London Mother.

In the middle of season 2, George got a call, "Hello-" He began but was cut off almost immediately and you could hear the man on the phone's voice till out.

"WHERE IS SHE?" Another voice yelled, "IS SHE OKAY??" All the sudden noise made George flinch and pull the phone away from him.

He quickly passed the phone off to you, and you were bombarded by three heavily accented Monganesque accents, "Hi, guys it's me," You responded making the call go silent for a second and then they all began screaming again, loudest was Arthur, then came Charlie's voice. Lastly, It was Lorenzo who got both the others to keep quiet.

You used the peaceful moment to excuse yourself to another room.

"Are you okay, y/n?" He asked and you replied with a small yes, he hummed and passed the phone.

"Y/n, oh my god, I saw the posts," Charles began, "Those people were stupid to attack you like that," He comforted you.

"Thank you, Charlie," You said, a small smile on your face.

You waited as words were exchanged in French and you heard footsteps on the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry Y/n, that should have never happened, it is all because of us," his voice rang sad.

"It's okay, Arthur, we'll talk about this when we're together okay?" You responded, and he kept apologising as he cut the call.

Next came Logan's call, just as you were about to call him, "What the fuck is wrong with people?" He questioned, his tone angry, "You could have gotten hurt. Like seriously hurt. This is bullshit." He yelled, but then his voice softened, "You aren't hurt are you?"

"No, not much, I've got a few bruises and cuts but all mint other than that." He hummed as you spoke, and began asking you other questions and you told him about what your roommates had done, you could hear that he was livid but kept trying to be calm for you.

And when Oscar called, that's when it finally hit you again, that feeling of losing everything that you held dear, "Y/n, please don't cry," came his voice from the other end, "Please don't cry while I'm away cause then I can't do anything about it," his voice broke.

"They took all our stuff, Osc, all the way from the first time we met to the last time we got McDonald's together, everything," you sniffled and you could hear the frown in his voice.

"I'm sure we can get it back, don't worry y/n, we'll figure it out, ya know, we've all got your back, speaking of which, you'd better call Max right away, he's with Lando, his bombarding my phone as we speak," He complained, returning some normalcy to your situation.

You cut the call and called Max, and it was Lando who spoke first, cursing at the media and complementing your punch and quick response and then Max took over.

"Firstly, are you okay?" He asked, making you say yes, "Secondly, I've got a lawyer ready, tell me and we'll fight this. We can find a way to get your stuff back." you didn't know what to say.

"Yes, yes, please," you spoke for a little longer before you had to excuse yourself. You had to call someone, someone you know who was going to be livid.

"Hiiiiii," You spoke into the phone, awaiting a response.

"Y/n, how are you, kiddo?" Your uncle's voice rang out. He had been taking care of you ever since you were a teenager, not that you needed much, a place to stay and school.

"I'm fine, it was bound to happen one day," you exhaled at the unfairness of it all.

"I know, I heard what your bastardas friends did," and you could hear the anger in his voice, "Names, and I will get it sorted," He asked making you giggle, he'd always been like this ever since you had showed up on his doorstep.

You told him not to do anything rash but that Max had gotten you a lawyer, he seemed proud of Max for that.

You told him you had to leave since it wasn't your phone you'd been using.

You walked inside, apologising for hogging the phone but George just waved his hand, too invested in whatever episode that was playing. He'd gotten out a bottle of wine (Of course he had,) and he and Alex were busy deep-diving into the show's lore.

He'd kept you a glass, which you gladly accepted.

As the day progressed, you took your leave, but not before George offering you the guest room, saying Alex would take the sofa, which made the other man kick the taller blonde, as you took your leave, having booked an Uber and hotel room for the week, you could still hear them play fighting.

As you were in the car, Mick called you, and you were surprised he had.

"Hey, Y/n! How are you?" He asked,

"Good, you?" You were good at pretending everything was okay, you got an A+ in coping mechanisms class in school!

"Can't be worse than, you know, punching someone," he laughed, you had realised, that the both of you had a sense of humour that really just clicked.

"Oh mate, that was the good part!" You made sure that your payment had gone through with the Uber driver and walked into the hotel. They already had your room ready (courtesy of George, you were sure,) and you only needed to show an ID to be led in, without any other questions.

"Yeah... I saw all the clips on Instagram," He sighed.

"It was kind of crazy, I can't even imagine how it must be for you guys!" You put the phone on speaker and looked through the room service options.

You were going to have lunch in your dorm's cafeteria but that loan had kind of fallen apart, and anyways tea and wine wasn't nearly enough to make you forget the shit show that happened today.

"Mate you won't believe what else happened," You told him about the laptop.

"What the fuck,"

"RIGHT- anyways, I hope they don't get into my drive 'cause I have some in there that is not for public eyes, like imagine they saw the video of your horrible Ghostface impression?" You laughed at him, making him remember the party.

"Oh, Please, it was amazing, I scared you!" He yelled,

"And then you shrieked when Logan did the same to you,"

"Well yes, but he was dressed as Anakin, y/n! I'm not competing with that!" He gasped, shivering at how the hair on his neck raised when Logan did the voice.

"Oh mate please, but that's not even the worst of it, I've got a video of Max and Charles, slow dancing, and literally everything Lando and Carlos do is incriminating."

"That is true, I didn't see them for half of the party," he insinuated.

"Well, you and Arthur were pretty busy seeing who could down more shots," You snickered.

"Well, it wouldn't have become that big if Oscar didn't egg us on!" He complained as he had for days after the party but all he got from Oscar was a smug smirk, with an evil look in his eyes whenever he did something like that.

You spoke till room service came in and then excused yourself to drown in pasta and Netflix.

Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @cashtons-wife @i-wish-this-was-me @thehufflepuffavenger1 @eugene-emt-roe @fangirl-dot-com @landosgirlxoxo @aquangxl @sachaa-ff @tyna-19 @assholeinatrenchcoat @allenajade-ite @megatrilss1885 @squirreljoe @jsjcue @s4turnsl0ver @yl90 @elijahslover

#f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 imagine #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula 1 #charles leclerc #lando norris #max verstappen #george russell #george russel x reader #alex albon #fernando alonso #logan sargeant x reader #logan sargeant #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #arthur leclerc #arthur leclerc x reader #mick schumacher #mick schumacher x reader #f1 smau #smau #social media au #fake texting au #fake texts #fake text #lorenzo leclerc

[infernalodie]

𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞 || 𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐎𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐚

“𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘨𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦“

Inspo: Michael Bublé - Home

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Male!reader

Summary: The distance made you chose home and you would do it again...

Warnings: Fluffy

Words: 1726

Out on the road, it held some of the greatest moments in your life. Going big and being able to travel across the world or on a tour bus, seeing places, meeting fans, spending years with friends getting to experience all these things together. It truly is a gift that you wouldn’t take back. Fame and the extra responsibilities were meaningless when you got to live the dreams you had since a child.

But as years went on and as you got older, you met people. You had partners that came and left, but none felt like something you wanted to have for life. Until Jenna met you backstage. She was beautiful, far more beautiful than what you saw on the internet or in movies. You two talked until your manager pulled you to the stage. But in those 5 minutes of talking, seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, some part of you had this feeling. It was a swelling effect in the chest that hadn’t been prevalent for so long. So, you had made it your mission to exchange numbers and see if it would work. If it just meant being friends, then that would be enough.

So, on nights when you were laid up in a hotel or on the tour bus and you couldn’t sleep, you sent her a quick text. Feeling your lips twist into a smile when she texted back. She was a movie star and you were just some unknown (almost) jazz artist that lived for the music. Yet, she gave time to you when she was also free. Your friends would joke when they found you smiling at your phone. Teasing you for being so whipped over a girl you met once.

And it only felt inevitable that you guys attempted to give it a chance. When the tour ended, you guys met again and went on countless secretive dates since Jenna wasn’t prepared for that type of press. You supported her and she did you. Most days, you attempted to just call her if she wasn’t busy and would see her when she had a day off. Going with her to TV and movie premiers is a plus one that the two of you labelled as “best friends.” And something about your guys’ relationship being so secretive gave it that much affection and genuine love behind the scenes because it was your guys’ secret. It was only for you two to know, feel, and experience.

That was a year ago. The two of you were still going strong but tours and shows were sucking more of the life out of you. Performing was still magical and a god given gift to you, but being away from Jenna was hurting more and more as time passed. Seeing the fans were great, but you missed Jenna’s arms around you. Hearing the crowd sing the lyrics was exciting, but feeling Jenna’s lips against yours was different and better.

You started touring at 17 and that was after putting out two studio albums. You were 22 now and the love for music was still there, but it wasn’t the forefront like it used to be. And you accomplished everything you needed to. Going to countries and cities you wanted, doing certain events, going on talk shows, meeting your celebrity idols- all of it was done. The last show of your tour was in the 3rd biggest stadium in the world. You had reached the top. So, where else were you supposed to go? There was only so much you could do before the drive was lost and you might’ve wanted to conserve it honestly. Maybe drop the whole music thing for a few years and come back with a fresh mind and new things you’ve experienced. It was a tall order and one you believed and everyone close to you did too.

So, walking out on that stage with the sound of fans screaming in excitement, cheering your name as far back as your eyes would allow you to see, it felt surreal. It also tore way at your heart. But you managed to force the tears down and smile, adjusting your suit and bringing the mic to your lips. “Michigan.” Your monotone voice was overtaken by the screams, making you laugh. “Who is ready for the show?” They screamed again.

The night slowly divulged down into you giving the best performance of your life. Dancing, running, jumping, screaming, you gave your all to the show and the crowd was loving it. But you knew time was whittling down and the eventual final song would have to be performed and you would be left sorrowful. Because you knew that the moment you stepped on stage, this would be the last show for a while. And it almost felt like you were saying goodbye to someone or losing someone. There would be a grieving process and it would take long to overcome it. But you knew it wasn’t over.

Soon enough, that time came and you had to pull the stool in the center of the stage close to the piano and sat down. “Listen, I know I’m 22, but I am getting too old for this,” you grumbled, taking a sip at your water as the crowd laughed. “But I am sure you guys realize that I haven’t played the last song. But there is a good reason for that. I…I am going to be taking a break for a while.”

You lowered the mic as you felt your nose start to tingle and burn. Sniffling as you swallowed the lump in your throat. “I met someone a few years ago and being on tour has been a gift and I love every single one of you, but I need to spend that time with them. They changed my life and so many ways and I love them too much to step away any longer.” you explained. “It hurts being away from loved ones and it hurts more not being able to be in their arms.” Exhaling shakily, you allowed the tears to flow down your cheeks without care. “I’ve been doing this since I was 13. Making music out of my parent's basement and when I was 17, I finally went on tour and it’s been nonstop since. So, I made a few calls and cleared it, but an album will be dropping my birthday with this next song.”

The crowd cheered, seeming to support your decision. It made your face twist in so many emotions and your heart swell in happiness. But when you turned your head, you found her standing on the other end of the stage, tears in her eyes, hands clasped to her chest. Your bottom lip trembled and a choked laugh fell from your lips as you got up and walked toward her. When Jenna stepped out from the curtain, the crowd screamed and cheered.

Yet, the world became so meaningless when you were wrapped in her arms. Her warm tears wet your cheek, which made you sigh shakily. “I love you so much.” It was the truth. In so many circumstances, you felt like the four-letter word didn’t have the much weight as it did now. You also didn’t feel worthy of being the one to say it. But you were giving up so much money to just be with her because she meant more than the money. She gave more memories than the road could ever, so you hoped she knew how much you meant it.

Jenna rubbed your back, pulling away to kiss you on the forehead. Her hands hold your face with her lips etching into a grin. “I love you too,” she whispered. Taking your hand, she pressed a kiss to the back of it and tilted her head. “You gonna sing that song or keep ‘em waiting?”

You smiled, taking her hand and pulling her further out on stage. Raising your interlocked hands, causing the crowd to cheer in bliss. The band began to play with you and Jenna sat at the piano. Her hand rested on your lap as you played the keys just like you practiced so many sleepless nights. “Another summer day. Has come and gone away. In Paris and Rome. But I wanna go home, mmm,” you sang. “May be surrounded by, A million people I still feel all alone. Just wanna go home. Oh, I miss you, you know.”

The crowd was a sea of lights, waving from left to right with the rhythm of the song. Making you smile as you moved closer to the mic and tilted your head to glance at Jenna. Her eyes dreamily admired you as you smiled. “Let me go home. I'm just too far. From where you are. I wanna come home. And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life. It's like I just stepped outside. When everything was going right.”

You had created the song while on the road. A distant cry of what you wished for more than anything else in the world. Just to be with Jenna. You were mainly surprised by the fact that you were allowed to do this. The record company had cleared it and was in full support of the long break from music. And they had been helpful to make things easier to create your new album while on the road. Willing to pay and have equipment set up and ready for you to use.

“Another winter day. Has come and gone away. In even Paris and Rome. And I wanna go home. Let me go home.” Head bobbing to the drums, you looked at Jenna and smiled. Her hand reached up and threaded through your neatly styled hair, gently caressing your scalp in the way you liked it. The sting behind your eyes grew as you licked your lips. “Let me go home. I've had my run. Baby, I'm done. I gotta go home. Let me go home. It'll all be all right. I'll be home tonight. I'm coming back home.”

With the last chord of the piano that played, the crowd screamed and cheered as you sat there with your hands resting in your lap. Blinking rapidly as you sniffled, pursing your lips and nodding. Looking at Jenna, you smiled through the tears. “Let’s go home.”

#jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega imagine #jenna ortega x male reader #jenna ortega fluff #jenna ortega x male!reader #jenna ortega fanfiction #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #x male!reader #x male reader

[eu-nicola]

Burning Tracks of Love - Max Verstappen x Reader

summary: The admiration you felt for Max since you were little turns into a complicated love. Career victories, jealousy and emotional turmoil

warnings: age-gap, infidelity, toxicity, manipulation and an unhealthy relationship

In the bustling paddocks of Formula 1, where the roar of engines and fierce competition are commonplace, life is complicated even if it doesn't seem like it and especially it was for you who had grown up among the glamor and deceptions of the circuits.

You were always in this world, especially in the red bull world, where you knew everyone since you were a little baby. And of course you knew the one who mattered most to you, Max Verstappen.

You and he met when you were just a baby, your father playing a crucial role in Max's engineering team.

You were always behind him, being a few years older than you, you admired him and he considered you a little sister who he taught to love Formula 1 as much as he did and you loved it.

As you grew up, that admiration became something more and it seemed that every day you were more in love with him even though he continued to see you as a girl.

You lost hope that at some point he would see you as a woman.

That hope that you always kept began to come true when you turned 18, he was already 26 but you didn't care at all and apparently neither did he. At first you didn't notice but when you saw him you didn't know why you hadn't noticed. The times he stood behind you as if he had to protect you from something or when he rested his hand on your bare back, the times you wore dresses and there were also those messages at dawn telling you that he missed you.

You were an idiot for not having realized those things but the affection he showed didn't seem strange to you, it was normal for him with the people he loved, always looking for a way to be kind.

Over the next few weeks, the attraction they both felt intensified, fueled by looks and touches. And although you tried with all your might to avoid him, you couldn't help but fall into his arms, his words were like sweet honey to your ears and the perfect way he had of making you always stay despite his temperament or character, every time he met you. He called, you were always there for him no matter what and when he needed your body you also gave it to him as you had already done with your entire being.

The pretty things were always there when you were by his side but the ugly things were too and when he got angry with you he would always talk about how if you kept bothering him he would go away with his girlfriend and not talk to you anymore and that filled you with fear, you didn't want him to leave you no after everything you had waited, so you just shut up and talked or gave your opinion what he wanted and even when he calmed down they talked about the races and it was one of the few moments of peace that they still shared like in the old days.

In every race won you hated seeing how she kissed Kelly, wishing you were the one who really appeared with him in all the photos and you hated her for that until you remembered that you had no reason to do it and you just left. And after every race he called you to celebrate, you didn't know how he did it but Max always found a way to look for you and take you alone with him to any place where in the end you always ended up under him sobbing his name, with promises whispered in your ears and with the crazy ideas he had of becoming you a mother and carrying all his children.

It was always like this, and the next morning he would disappear and if he didn't he would find a way to start arguing, although that morning there was something different as you saw the hundreds of messages he had with other women, all of them his age or older, none of them a girl like you You scolded yourself in your thoughts as you cried thinking that you were the only one for him. When you wanted to discuss it with him he simply didn't listen to you and avoided the topic, quickly leaving you alone again.

You couldn't get rid of him because when he called you you would run to his side to console him for anything that happened to him, and it didn't matter how painful it was to be by his side because no matter what he did you always choose him and you would always be there for him, you were always there.

#max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fanfic #fanfic #oneshot #imagine #x reader

[topguncortez]

7 and 18 with hangman

personally living for angst

pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female!reader prompts: 7. “They’re dying.  The least you can do is be there with them.”, 18. “Please try to bust me out of here.  I hate hospitals.” warnings: death, sadness, cancer, ANGST prompts list Jake Seresin Masterlist

Jake couldn't bring himself to go in there. You were facing away from him, looking out at the window towards the ocean. That was your one request, you wanted a hospital near the ocean. If they were going to keep you locked inside, you at least wanted a pretty view in the end. Jake leaned against the nurses station, watching the slow rise and fall of your chest.

The end was near. He knew it. Your doctors knew it. You, of course, knew it. The treatments had stopped working about three months ago, and you decided to quit being a human pushpin and being pumped full of toxins. Jake, at first, didn't agree with you wanting to withdraw treatment. He wanted you to keep fighting and maybe, just maybe, there was hope that the tumors would shrink and that you'd survive. But, the teary look in your eye told him that there was no hope left.

The one good thing about these past couple months, is that you had started to feel better. You looked healthier, you looked happier. You spent your days laughing and talking to members of the dagger squad. You had begged Jake for a hamburger from In and Out and he gladly sat in the long-line for you. Your cheeks started to fill a bit, your hair shinier, your smile was brighter.

"It's called a surge," The doctor told Jake, "Patients will have time where they make an improvement, can last for weeks, can last for a couple hours."

The 'surge' lasted a couple weeks, and you slowly started to take a turn for the worse. You were sleeping more, you had asked Jake to tell the daggers to stop visiting that you didn't have the energy to deal with them. You didn't find joy in music, or drawing like you used to. And most recently, you lost your appetite. The doctor had told Jake that now was the time to start making his preparations and saying goodbye.

"Goodbye? Doc, she turned thirty, two weeks ago," Jake said tearfully. You, Jake and the Daggers had celebrated your birthday. Phoenix had snuck in a cake and Rooster brought his guitar to sing to you. It was probably one of your last good days.

"I know this is hard," The doctor said, "It's never easy, no matter how old the patient is. But. . . Jake, she's dying.  The least you can do is be there with them. You don't want to regret standing in the hall and not spending those last moments with your wife."

Jake clenched his jaw and nodded. The doctor patted his shoulder gently and walked down the hall, but stopped when Jake called out to him.

"I need a favor."

--- --- ---

It was a beautiful sunny San Diego day. You could tell by the amount of surfers in the water and people on the beach. When you moved out to California, the first place you went was the beach. The sun was setting and the sky was filled with gorgeous pinks and oranges. You had never felt more at home in your life than you did at that moment.

But now, all you could was watch the sunset and the waves crash from your room. You missed feeling the last rays of warmth on your skin and smelling the salt of the water. Jake had fought to get your a room at faced west and you were thankful for it.

You knew that your time was ticking down. You remembered what the hospice nurse told you about dying. She said most of the time it was peaceful, especially if you had come to terms with it. You fought it at first, when Jake and your medical team decided that it was time to bring hospice in. You weren't ready for it, you still believed you'd make it home. But you could hardly keep awake for more than a couple hours at time, another side effect of dying.

"Knock, knock," You heard the sound of your husband's voice float in your room. You knew that he had been standing outside by the nurses station, watching you. That's how he spent most of his days, just watching you from afar.

"Who's there," You said weakly and turned your head as he walked in, a smile on his face.

"Your handsome husband," Jake said and took a seat on your bed. He grabbed your hand and gently brushed his thumb over the back of it, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," You answered. The was your answer most days now,  “Please tell you're about to bust me out of here. I hate hospitals.”

"Actually, I am," Jake asked, and watched as your eyes perked up a bit, "I got the all clear from the Doc. The squad is playing dog fight football this afternoon, they want us to join."

You gave him a small smile and nodded. Jake leaned in and kissed you softly, "I'll get you some clothes."

Jake helped you get dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts. He put your favorite fuzzy socks on your feet and your crocs. You picked out one of his black Texas longhorn beanies to wear (your hair looked thin and dry). Jake even helped you apply a little makeup to your face so you looked less tired.

When you arrived at the beach, the dagger squad was already there, setting up a small little campsite area. The sun was starting to set, and Jake helped you walk to the camp. It took longer and more energy than you thought it was going to take, but you were determined to do it. The dagger members greeted both of you as Jake made a comfortable spot for you to sit.

"You comfy?" Jake asked, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You nodded, a bit too winded still to talk. Jake smiled and pulled you in closer to your chest. The two of you just sat and watched the sunset and the dagger squad play dog fight football. It felt like old times, being in Jake's arms and watching your friends. It didn't feel like the inevitable was about to rain down at any moment. It didn't feel like the reaper's hand was on your shoulder.

You didn't know you were crying until Jake wiped a tear from your eye. You looked up at him a bit startled and he just gave you a soft smile.

"It's alright," He whispered, and caressed your cheek. You could see it in his eyes, he too had come to terms with what was about to happen. You thought you were the only one who could sense it, but he could too.

"I'm not scared, Jake," You said, grabbing his wrist. You nodded and looked back towards the ocean. You closed your eyes feeling the last bits of warmth radiate from the setting sun.

Jake sniffled, as he pressed his lips to yours. You held him close, taking in the scent of his cologne and the feel of his heartbeat under your fingertips.

"I need to go back now, Jake," You whispered and he nodded. He shifted gently, with you in his arms and carried you back to his truck.

He had just gotten you back into your bed, and laid down next to you. You cuddle into his arms, still looking out at the ocean, when you drew your last breath.

#top gun imagine #top gun fluff #top gun angst #top gun fan fic #top gun maverick imagine #top gun maverick angst #top gun maverick fluff #top gun maverick fan fic #Jake seresin #Jake seresin imagine #Jake seresin fluff #Jake seresin angst #Jake seresin x reader #Jake seresin x you #Jake hangman seresin #hangman seresin #hangman #hangman imagine #hangman angst #hangman fluff #hangman fan fic #hangman x reader #hangman x you

[doromoni]

Hunting Affections

Charles Leclerc x photographer! reader

Max Verstappen x photographer! reader

Part 2.

fanfic + smau fic

y/n faceclaim : Hwang Eunbi

warning : angst , mild swearing

A/N : UP FOR EDITING 🤍

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Summary; Love is but a concept — just connections of neurons that take part in the brain … and yet, why is it the most painful when one falls alone?

or

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back , until you can’t no more. Maybe then they’ll actually know what they’ve lost.

(Conversations are in bold)

It’s been three years since we’ve officially met, 1095 days since I first took a photo of you — your eyes were shining, cheeks red from the heat of the weather and the engine of the car you were driving. Your face was glowing when you held out your hand and introduced yourself to me, then asking if I was the intern that your pr manager talked about. To this day, I still remember your laugh after I had failed to introduce myself with coherence since I kept choking on my words.

“H-hello Mr. Leclerc , I’m Y/N . May I take your camera with my picture?” Blood rushed to my cheeks , when what I said started to sink in.

Panicked, words just continued to come out of my mouth.“I MEAN CAN I PICTURE YOUR CAMERA?— No! Uhm , The car can I take a photo? with you? that doesn’t makes sense either.. i’ll just shut up” cursing myself as i felt my palms starting to sweat and the dress I’ve had on was growing tighter.

You stared at me for a solid 3 seconds , then you bursted out laughing — a full on belly ache inducing laugh with hands on your knees as tears streamed your cheeks . Seeing you laugh with such intensity , made me laugh to the same degree . People had started giving us odd glances , yet you did not care and now our faces are red for a whole entire reason.

Wiping the remaining tears with the back of your hand , laughter now turning into soft chuckles— “ Don’t worry , I sometimes lose my English too! And please just call me Charles” you then gave me your smile. A smile that I would come to realize that I should’ve treasured more.

We clicked in an instant , I could honestly say that it was frightening how fast we grew closer to each other. We shared so many memories together and I took each moment with a photo. I met your mom, she was so lovely .Then I met your brothers , they said they loved me more than they do you . You then took me to your own special place , a place hidden within your hometown. We were supposed to be at a company event to celebrate you and your teammate’s win — instead you sneaked us out and went to the secluded beach with the most gorgeous of sceneries a person with my passion could ever encounter. We did nothing but gaze at the stars , fingers intertwined, declaring our promises to the wind.

I grew fonder of you with every second that we spent together. At times like those, you where not my boss and I was not your employee — we were just 2 people getting away from the life of fame and glamour. We were content. We were happy, until we weren’t.

Our moments became fewer, but I understood that you were busy. You were starting to grow distant, yes, I had noticed. I asked if you were alright, you just smiled and nodded— yet I saw your eyes no longer holding the shine it once had. Your mom called, she asked if I was alright and that she and your brothers missed me at dinner last night. I lied to your mom and said that I was sick, she said that she’ll tell you to invite me again for the next family dinner … I didn’t receive an invite. I tried not to overthink , I thought that you just forgot, but your mom called again and then another time . Twice is a coincidence, Thrice is a pattern.

Maybe I was overstepping my boundaries, so I gave you space, we weren’t even dating … are we? I don’t even know. A week of space flew by , you were knocking at my door again with a smile and flowers at hand. I thought that we were ok , I had hope . But then another week came — we were at work, I gave you a smile but you didn’t even acknowledge my presence.

Now it’s a game of push and pull . Where it is always I who pulls and you who pushes. What happened to us? I cannot honestly say — only you have the answer, yet you wont even try.

Sports Hub Daily ————

Formula 1 Driver Charles Leclerc Spotted Looking Very Cozy with an Unknown Brunette

Article by : Millie Born

Charles Leclerc , a driver for the renowned Formula 1 racing team Ferrari, was spotted at looking quite close and cozy with an unknown woman during the PGA Tour yesterday afternoon. The two were reported to be sharing a number of intimate actions amongst themselves all throughout the game and was seen to be leaving together inside Leclerc’s Black Ferrari Pista. Just who is this woman— fans are eager to find more! Is she the new girlfriend of the Monegasque driver? Will the paddock be welcoming a new “Wag” to the roster?, or is this just a fling to the “Il Predestinato” of Ferrari… Only time will tell.

navi.exe

comments are disabled

y/n_stills.

Liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, lewishamilton, and 383,560 others

y/n_stills. You’ve saved the day. My personal hero 💙

lewishamilton Happy to see you well taken cared of. Miss you, kiddo!

y/n_stills. aww miss you Lew!! , I’ll drop by the merc motorhome next GP and hug you till you get annoyed🥰

georgerussell63 what about me? @y/n_stills.

y/n_stills. and what about you Russell George? @georgerussell63

lewishamilton kids play nice.

y/n_stills. sorry pops.

maxvertappen1 Always 💙

liked by y/n_stills.

kimimatiasraikkonen who?

y/n_stills. Bwoah, hi Kimi!! I missed you. I’ll call Minttu and I’ll tell ya both🫶

lilymhe wow, I just finished a tournament only to find out that I’ve already lost you?!

alexalbon excuse me?

y/n_stills. @lilymhe NO! MY LOVE , forgive me I’m only yours forever! Oh, Hi @alexalbon … what are you doing here?

danielricciardo I didn’t receive my invitation? very disappointed 1/5 stars, will not recommend.

landonorris same experience , will also rate 1/5.

y/n_stills. What kind of substance are you two on? Send me the link, looks fun. 5/5 is interested

maxverstappen1 they’re high on mclaren tractor fumes. I do not recommend @y/n_stills.

y/n_stills. Sheeesh Emilian ya didn’t have to roast them too hard 🫣

landonorris @maxverstappen1 WOW…true, but wow.

danielricciardo this is not the proper way of treating your bestfriends @maxverstappen1 . 1/5 star friend.

arthur_leclerc @y/n_stills. Dinner soon! We miss you >:((

ollibearman yeah! @y/nstills. >:((

y/n_stills. alright chill you goblins! Give me the time and date.

Comments on this post has been limited

“What the hell?”

#f1 #formula 1 #max verstappen #red bull racing #ferrari #formula one #lewis hamilton #lando norris #charles leclerc #daniel ricciardo #kimi raikkonen #alex albon #mercedes #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #mclaren #x reader #sendhelpppppp

[nerdygaymormon]

Queer Gospel Music

This past year I came across several songs that I enjoy listening to on Sundays. I created a playlist for myself for Sundays and thought I'd share with y'all.

Yet : Ashley Hess - Ashley Hess was a finalist on the 2019 season of American Idol. I heard her perform this song at the Gather Conference where she introduced it by saying, "The next song that I'm gonna play is a song that I wrote in my lowest time. But it's a song that's so special to me because it was the moment that I felt like I finally came out of hiding, and that the Lord not only saw me, but loved me and embraced me." I can relate so much to that. Plus, I don't hear many songs from the perspective of "I'm trying, so God please don't give up on me."

God Loves Me Too : Brian Falduto - Brian played the gay kid in the movie School of Rock, and catapulted the character into an LGBTQ icon when he delivered the line “You’re tacky and I hate you.” Now as an adult, Brian is back and singing that no one has to earn God’s love. Brian wrote the song after visiting a church that was welcoming and accepting of queer people. I look around and see I’ve found a place where peace and love abound. I’ve waited my whole life for the truth. It is true, God loves you. It don’t matter if you’re LGBTQ

My Little Prayer : David Archuleta - David wasn't out yet when he recorded this, but I imagine he really related to some of these lyrics, such as I'm beginning to understand that you (God) have a plan for me.

The Queer Gospel : Erin McKeown - I love these lyrics. There are those who think we're wicked. There are those who call us names: depraved, lost and sick, and would rather bathe us in shame. But we put the "sin" in sincere, we put the "do" in the doubt. God is perfectly clear. We are perfectly out. Love us as we are. See us and we're holy. In this shall we ever be wholly ourselves.

Good Day (feat. Derek Webb) : Flamy Grant - Matthew Blake was a worship leader for 22 years who has become a “shame-slaying, hip-swaying, singing-songwriting drag queen” named Flamy Grant (it's a play on the name of gospel singer Amy Grant). The lyrics talk of coming back to church after having left for feeling oppressed. They’ve come back to church because despite what some say, God’s love is expansive enough for everyone. God made me good in every way, so I raise my voice to celebrate a good day. 

Believe : GENTRI - The pianist for this group is gay. After coming out, he was having a hard time with faith and was angry at God, and he felt God gave him this song as part of his healing process. Believe there is an answer. And while you feel you're buried deep in a disaster, believe more hands are waiting, ready to lift you up and carry you back to safety. You're not alone, keep holding on. And believe.

Explaining Jesus : Jordy Searcy - In 2014, Jordan was a contestant on The Voice. He grew up active in a church and since being on the television show he has written several religious songs, including this one. Jordy discusses the shortcomings of churches, comparing the ways in which church members act and interact with each other, including how they treat the gay community and oppress women. If you're gay and over 85, you've felt for your whole life that when God made you, he just messed up. In the chorus he apologizes that this has been the experience, I'm sorry no one explained Jesus to you.

Satan's Tears : Kyler O'Neal - Did anyone ask how real you are? Has anyone said that you are loved, or that you’re the one they’re dreaming of? Those questions start this beautiful song by trans woman Kyler O’Neal. The song addresses a young gender non-conforming person unaccepted by their world, and the singer promises to wipe away Satan’s tears which were created by a cruel society

Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert - Macklemore sings that his gay uncles should be allowed to marry, and speaks of how Christianity has hurt gay people. "God loves all his children" is somehow forgotten, but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five hundred years ago. The song concludes with Mary Lambert singing I’m not crying on Sundays, which I think means not letting religious intolerance and churches harm us anymore

No Place in Heaven : MIKA - Mika is singing about how religion teaches there’s no place in heaven for gay people because the way we love is sinful. Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in

God Is : The Outer Banks - I don't know that they had queer people in mind when they wrote the song, but the lyrics relate to the conflict between one’s queerness and relationship with God. God was never angry. God was not against me. God was never far away. God is not disappointed.

I Know it Hurts : Paul Cardall & Tyler Glenn - I just wanted to believe, but how am I supposed to believe this about me? And then we find each other, queer church members who can understand what we’re going through, who know the hurt. For most queer people, they leave church and go on a different path. They’re not lost, a faint light at the end is guiding their way, they’re finding another way back home.

Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - The song was interpreted as the struggle of a closeted gay man coming to terms with what his religion taught about gay people and is seen as an example of queer coding in the era of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Lead singer Michael Stipe had declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was coming out as gay. Consider this the hint of the century. Consider this the slip.

HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing. He is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in church for him because he’s gay. Holy Father, we need to talk. I have a secret that I can’t keep. I’m not the boy that you thought you wanted. Please don’t get angry, have faith in me.

Pray : Sam Smith - You won’t see Sam in church, but they say they’re a child of God at heart and are begging God to show the way. I’m not a saint, I’m more of a sinner. I don’t wanna lose, but I fear for the winners

Faith : Semler -  This song reached No. 1 on the iTunes Christian music chart and is about growing up queer in a faith community and how the rejection by the church left them scarred. When my religion turned against me, they said my hopes and dreams were faulty. I showed these holes inside my hands, and they claimed they couldn’t see.” Even as they struggled with the church, Semler kept a relationship with Jesus and flourished far more than she did in any church building. But I don’t wanna get small to be in those rooms

Hey Jesus : Trey Pearson - Trey made headlines in 2016 when as the lead singer of the Christian rock band Everyday Sunday, he came out as gay. Three years later and Trey has a question: Hey Jesus can you hear me now? It's been awhile since I came out, I was wonderin' do you love me the same? As a person who struggles to reconcile faith with sexual orientation, I find this song quite moving.

Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven? Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ+ protests throughout history.

Revelation : Troye Sivan and Jónsi -This song was written for the movie Boy Erased, which is about a young man being sent by his parents to a conversion therapy camp to try to change him to not be gay. The lyrics are about feeling liberated from the toxic teachings he learned at church about LGBTQ+ people. It’s a revelation. There’s no hell in what I’ve found, and no kingdom shout. How the tides are changing as you liberate me now and the walls come down. In other words, God doesn't condemn me for my queerness.

Orphans of God : Ty Herndon & Kristin Chenoweth feat. Paul Cardall - The message of the song is we are all loved by God, we are all thought about, we are all created equally and God loves us all the same.

Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittery jacket, which is such a powerful metaphor.

#queerstake