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justagalwhowrites · 1 month

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Yearling - Ch. 32: Promises

Joel adjusts to life in Jackson after his brush with death. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-31 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: References to canon-typical violence. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 9.5k

A/N: Hi y'all. If you're still looking at this fic but have skipped the last few chapters because of spoilers, this is a pretty safe chapter to jump back in at. You do need to understand that Joel was nearly killed in an encounter with an unnamed person while on patrol and that someone was looking for him in particular to have the context for this chapter. If you have any questions, feel free to DM me.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

December, 2027

“No.”

“Baby…”

“I said no, Joel.”

You stalked off to another room and Joel could feel your frustration from where he sat on the couch.

He sighed, debating whether or not to follow you or if he should stay where he was and let you cool off.

It wasn’t the first time the two of you had had this discussion over the last six weeks.

Joel had made significant recovery since the incident in November. His leg had mostly healed, though he still walked with a slight limp. But he could breathe deeply without feeling the burning pain of broken ribs now. And the parts of him the doctors had to cut away so he would survive - part of his liver, part of his intestine, one of his kidneys - no longer constantly hurt to the point of occasional agony. Everything was tolerable now, if not necessarily what it was before.

As a result, he was starting to go a little stir crazy. Admittedly, the doctors hadn’t cleared him for anything too strenuous - though he wondered how much of that was your doing versus theirs - but he wanted to start preparing to go back to the life he had in Jackson. One where he felt fulfilled, like he had his place in the community and a way to contribute.

You, however, weren’t too happy with that plan.

Joel sighed and got up from the couch, the muscle in his leg burning as he did. Things still hurt and pulled at first - and he was sure getting on a horse would be uncomfortable at best - but it would pass. Or he’d get used to it.

Either way, he wasn’t content with continuing to sit in his house and rot.

“Sweetheart,” he said, finding you in the kitchen.

You closed the fridge door with too much force, making the jars of canned produce inside rattle.

“No,” you said, adding milk to a cup of tea on the counter. “Find a place to sit, I don’t want you spilling hot tea all over yourself.”

“I’m not a kid,” he said, a little defensive. “I know perfectly well what I’m capable of…”

“No, you don’t,” you said, leveling him with a glare before returning the milk to the fridge and pointing to his spot at the table. “Now sit.”

Joel squared his jaw for a moment before going for the kitchen table - trying to walk with as little a limp as he could manage even though it fucking hurt - and sitting down there. He took a deep breath as you got the mugs of tea and carried them to the table, setting one in front of him and the other in front of the seat he’d come to think of as yours. You settled in beside him, holding the mug with both hands, seemingly determined to not actually look at him.

“We need to talk about it,” he said gently.

“I’m not going to discuss you going out there to get yourself fucking killed, Joel,” you snapped. “I’m not doing it, I’m not going through that again. End of story.”

Joel tried to remind himself that he wouldn’t feel any differently if he were in your position. He couldn’t blame you for it.

You’d been a mess when he woke up. It had just taken him a few minutes to really realize it.

It was like you couldn’t get close enough to him once you were against him, clinging to him as you tried to not disturb him or put any weight on him. But once he got you settled, you fell asleep quickly.

Joel, however, was wide awake. Part of him was afraid to go to sleep again. He didn’t want to not wake up, he wasn’t confident enough that he would. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been unconscious but it felt like he’d slept enough for a lifetime.

So he just held onto you. He soaked up the feel of you in his arms, a sensation he thought he’d never have again. He tried to pick through the fog of his mind, remember what had happened before, but it felt so far away, nothing but a haze of blood and hurt before your voice was there. After a while, he left it alone.

But you didn’t sleep the way you normally did. At first, you seemed stiff, like you were still conscious enough to be worried about hurting him. That didn’t last too long. Your whole body relaxed, as limp and pliant as you were when he’d just made you come again and again. But you almost never actually found rest that way. Even with Joel beside you, there was part of you that was always tense and ready to defend yourself. A byproduct, he was sure, of years of torment that could strike at any time. You only slept that way when you were at the point of total exhaustion, when your body physically couldn’t be on guard anymore.

As much as he wanted to talk to you - ask you what happened, how you were feeling, how long he’d been like this - he wanted you to rest more. You needed it, your whole body desperate for it. So when his door opened just as the light in the room shifted to the pink and orange of dawn, his hold on you tightened ever so slightly.

Carol, one of the doctors, didn’t even notice him watching her come in at first, nearly jumping out of her skin when she realized that his eyes were open.

“Joel!” She yelped and you stirred ever so slightly against him. He held you tighter.

“Shhh,” he hushed her before whispering, soft and low. “She needs her rest. Don’t think she’s had much of that lately.”

“But…”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he said. “Let ‘er sleep. Can look me over in a bit.”

She rolled her eyes but left all the same and he watched you, lost in you. You’d survived. He remembered being afraid that you wouldn’t but you had, and so had he. He trailed his fingers gently over your exposed skin, marveling at the softness of you, that you loved and trusted him enough to let your softness be this close.

The sun was high when the door opened again, not easing open this time but flying, Ellie tearing into the room in a blur of wild hair and disheveled clothes. The door smacking into the wall made you wake with a jolt and he held you close as he felt that tension shock back into your limbs.

“Joel!” Ellie barreled over to him and he couldn’t help but smile as she skidded to a stop at his bedside as you sat up.

“Hey baby girl.”

“You’re awake,” her voice was thick as she sat down near you at the edge of the bed. “Fuck, I didn’t…”

“Are you OK?” He asked, trying to look her over.

“I’m fine,” she waved him off. “You scared the shit out of me but I’m fine. The doc said I needed to get you to let her look you over? What the fuck, Joel?”

“Joel!” You looked down at him, wide awake now, his head propped up on pillows.

“You needed rest,” he shrugged.

“You needed to be examined by a doctor!” You snapped, unfolding yourself from your place at his side. He tried to hold onto you but you leveled him with a glare. “After everything we did to get you here alive, don’t even start.”

He tried very hard not to laugh.

“Whatever you say, baby.”

He seemed to frustrate you a lot after that. You talked to the doctors more than he did, never leaving his side and listening to everything they said with a hard look on your face. He tried to ask more about what happened to you - he remembered you bleeding and your face was still damaged but healing - but you changed the subject back to him immediately every time.

Joel was ready for things to go back to normal as quickly as he could manage but you were nervous, hesitant. The first time you dared leave him at the clinic, something happened with a horse and Olivia came to get you. It was the third day he was awake and you were gone long enough that he was able to get out of bed and try to walk on his own. He didn’t make it very far, all but falling into a chair near the door after using the wall to haphazardly balance as he went. The chair smacked into the wall and Joel heard scrambling from the hall before Carol threw open the door, her eyes wide and panicky before she saw where Joel had ended up.

“Are you trying to get yourself hurt?” She demanded as she helped him back to bed.

“No,” he said, defensive. “I’m tryin’ to get myself back to normal…”

“Joel, you’re 60 years old…”

“Don’t remind me.”

“…And injuries take time to recover from. You’re not a young man anymore, you can’t push yourself the way you used to.”

“I’m not a young man anymore,” he agreed as she helped lower him to the bed, his body seeming so hulking and large beside hers. “I can’t afford to waste time bein’ useless.”

“Recovery isn’t useless,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “If you’re not going to listen to me then you need to listen to that woman of yours, Joel. Take it easy and don’t do things like get up without someone there to help if you need it.”

Carol was nice enough to not tell you about the fact that he got out of bed and walked to the chair, at least. But she had distinctly sided with you in all matters related to his recovery after that, as had Tommy, Ellie, Maria and Savvy.

It didn’t help that there were clearly conversations happening that no one wanted to tell him about. He heard raised voices from the front room of the clinic one day, you and Ellie going back and forth about something he couldn’t quite make out until there was the sharp boom of Tommy’s voice ending the conversation.

“Care to tell me what that was this afternoon?” He asked as you settled into his side to sleep after Ellie and Tommy had gone home for the night.

“Depends on how pissed off you want to be,” you replied, draping your arm gingerly over his chest and settling in with your head on his shoulder.

“Not gonna piss me off,” he said gently. You had shrugged out of the button down of his that you’d worn that day before climbing in bed, stripped down to the tank top below and he could feel your skin so easily like this, his hand skimming over your bared arm. You pressed yourself closer.

“Yes it is,” you said quietly, stretching and kissing his throat before settling at his side again.

“Can’t go the rest of our lives without shit pissin’ me off, baby,” he said gently. “Don’t think I can handle you treatin’ me like glass the whole time, either.”

“I just worry,” you said softly. “I don’t want to do this without you, can’t give you a damn heart attack because Ellie has some scheme…”

“So it’s Ellie that’s causin’ the trouble,” he said.

You groaned.

“Fine,” you said. “Better not get all worked up and just let me handle it. Trust me when I say I have it, Joel, I really do…”

“Baby.”

You sighed again.

“From what Tommy was conscious for and what little you remember,” you said slowly. “The people who… those people. They were after you. Specifically you. And Ellie… she hasn’t taken kindly to that.”

“Alright…”

“She wants to go find them,” you sighed. “She thinks she can handle it…”

“No,” he said, already moving to get up but you held him down.

“Joel.”

“She’s not doin’ that…”

“I know she’s not,” you said, still holding him in place. “I told you, Tommy and I have it handled.”

“I don’t want her to go after them,” Joel said, letting himself relax back into the mattress and your hold on him eased. “Don’t want any of you putting yourself at risk on some damn fool mission…”

“I know.”

“She needs to get that shit outta her head…”

“I know, Joel.”

He sighed.

“This is such a fuckin’ mess. All of it.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said quietly, nuzzling in closer to him. “All that matters is you’re alive and you’re here. We’ll figure it out.”

You figuring it out, apparently, just meant keeping Joel under lock and key for the foreseeable future. Your jaw was set tight across the table and you fidgeted with your mug, your thumb tapping out a stuttering rhythm on the handle.

“I need to contribute,” Joel said gently. You glared at him. “Sweetheart…”

“You can contribute without leaving Jackson,” you said. “Your value here isn’t limited to going on fucking patrol…”

“It’s a big part of my value, Baby, yeah,” he said. “I don’t got a lot of skills…”

“You were a contractor before,” you snapped. “You think buildings here don’t need to be repaired? That things don’t need to be constructed? Do that, let them take you out of the patrol rotation.”

“I’m not gonna hide,” he said, trying to get you to look at him even as you seemed bound and determined not to. “I want to get back out there, I want to do my part…”

“Your part doesn’t include getting fucking murdered, Joel!”

“I sure hope it doesn’t,” he reached out and took your hand, his thumb running over your knuckles. “I want to be here, with you, for a good, long time, baby. But I can’t… I can’t be something I’m not. And I’m not someone who just lets other people take on all the risk while he sits at home, on his ass…”

“Joel.”

“You say you love me,” he said. You actually met his eyes with that, glassy and wet at the edges.

“Of course I love you,” you said, not as harsh now. “I love you so goddamn much, I can’t lose you, I can’t, do you understand me?”

“I know, Baby,” he reached out, his large hand cupping your face. “And I’m not planning on going anywhere. But I can’t be the man you love by hidin’ away and waitin’ for trouble to come to someone else. I need to be the one to handle it. Me. I need to take care of my own business, need to look after you, need to take care of our girls. I can’t do that here, acting like I’m not capable of doing my part. I’m going back out there, Baby, and I’d like to do it knowin’ that you’ll still be speaking to me when I get back.”

“You don’t get to ask me to watch you hurt yourself,” your voice was thick. “I will not watch you die, Joel. I’m not going to do it and you don’t get to ask me to.”

“I’m not,” he said gently. “But, Sweetheart, if I am gonna go? I’d like to go out as myself. And that means going back out on patrol.”

Your eyes searched his for a moment before you all but collapsed against his shoulder, your arms snaking up around his neck, a sob cracking through you. He put his arms around you, rocking you gently.

Part of him had been waiting for this to happen. Beyond when he caught you off guard when he first woke up, you’d been nothing but strong and stoic. The only time there was a hint of anything else was when the two of you went to bed at night. You clung to him then, Joel swallowing any hint of hurt you accidentally caused when you held him tight. You breathed him in deep, pressed as much skin to him as you could manage. Sometimes, those deep breaths were shaky ones, like you were trying not to cry. He just held onto you, wishing you’d say something - anything - so he’d know how you were feeling. But you didn’t. So he took care of you the best way he could while you were focused on taking care of him.

“It’s alright,” his hand spread wide over your back, keeping a slow and steady rhythm as it ran up and down your spine. Your tears were racking, choking, making your whole body shake. “You’re OK, I’ve got you, s’alright…”

“I can’t,” you sobbed against him. “I can’t, I can’t… you can’t leave me, Joel, you can’t.”

“M’not gonna leave you, Baby,” he said softly. “I promise you. I’ll always come home to you.”

“You can’t know that,” you sniffed, your sobs calming to sniffles. “Seeing you like that…”

“I know,” he said quietly. He’d seen you nearly dead enough times, he knew. He understood it. “I’m sorry, Baby, I’m so sorry…”

“Then why are you insisting on trying to go back out there,” you sat back from him. “If you understood it, you’d stay here with me and with Ellie and Savvy, you wouldn’t do this. Not to yourself, not to me, not to them…”

“I know,” he said again, looking in your eyes, begging you to understand. “But that girl… she took a lot from me, baby. A few organs, more time than I really want. Almost took my future with you and the girls. Not gonna let her take who I am, too. And I need to go back out there. Not gonna just hide in here, afraid, for the rest of my life.”

Your eyes searched his, wide and wet, and then you sighed.

“I have conditions. If you expect me to be OK with this…”

“Of course,” he said quickly. “What are they?”

“You go out with Tommy or me,” you said. “No one else. I don’t trust you out there with Jesse or fucking Gene…”

“They were tryin’ to do the right thing…”

“The right thing was saving you,” you snapped. “You go out with Tommy or with me or not at all.”

“Alright,” he said. “You or Tommy. At least to start.”

You glared at him for a moment but you pressed on.

“You don’t even think about going out until you’re fully cleared by both doctors,” you said. “None of this second opinion bullshit, they’re both on board or you don’t go.”

“I can do that,” he nodded slowly. “You’re being very reasonable, Baby, I’m impressed…”

“Oh, fuck off.”

He laughed a little and tugged you closer to press a kiss to your temple. You melted into his chest, head nestling against his shoulder so that your nose brushed his neck.

“I promise, I don’t have a death wish,” he said, thumb tracing a path over your arm. “I always want to come home to you. I just need to do this, too.”

“I know,” you said softly. “I’m just… I’m so scared with you. All the time, I’m so afraid. It’s different than with Savvy, I’ve always been afraid with her. Scared I was gonna drop her or accidentally hurt her or not teach her the right thing or teach her too much. Scared I couldn’t save her. She’s my heart just walking around outside my body, I’m used to being afraid with her. But it’s different than how I feel about you and I just… I’ve never loved someone the way I love you and I don’t know how to live with being afraid of losing that.”

He took a deep breath and held you a little tighter.

“Know the feeling.”

It was just a few days to Christmas and preparations were in full swing. The tree was up in the middle of town, lights lined the buildings, Julie had been hoarding supplies for some kind of holiday cocktail that she claimed was a surprise that you were highly skeptical of. You, Ellie and Savvy had picked a tree for his living room just the week before and set it up, Savvy standing back with a slight frown on her face the whole time.

“What’s up, baby girl?” Joel asked, sitting in an arm chair as he watched you and Ellie decorate. His leg wasn’t quite up for standing that much yet.

“It’s just…” She looked at him for a moment and perched on the arm of the chair before looking back at you. “People really did this before? Put trees in their houses?”

“Yeah,” Joel smiled up at her. “They did. Biggest holiday of the year for a lot of the world, trees inside stores and offices and shit, too.”

She crossed her arms, her brows knitting together as she frowned.

“She never did this with me,” she said quietly. “I read about Christmas in a book once but it didn’t talk about this part and she didn’t talk about it much when I asked and… I don’t get it.”

Joel nodded slowly. Savvy was still warming up to you. She seemed skeptical of your motivations, of your intentions, of everything you said. It was hard to tell how much of it was teenaged cynicism and how much was rooted in her feelings of abandonment. But since you’d all but moved into Joel’s house, she’d been around you more and more and you did your best to let her guide it. He could tell how much it was killing you, though. He knew the feeling well, remembering back to the days when Ellie wouldn’t even look at him. He could tell how badly you wanted to cling to her. He saw how much you wanted her to stay close and tell you everything in the way you hung on her every word, the way you watched the door for a full minute after she left to go back to Ellie’s. But you needed her to be OK with it more. That just didn’t make things any easier.

“What did she tell you?” Joel asked, keeping his voice low enough that it wouldn’t rise over the Christmas carols you’d put on the stereo.

“Stuff she did with her parents,” she shrugged. “That her brothers would tease her about being bad… None of this stuff.”

“Well,” Joel said slowly. “Think she told you the important stuff.”

She looked at him, skeptical.

“The important stuff ain’t the decorations, it’s the people,” he said. “She couldn’t give you the other things so she told you about your family. Don’t think she was trying to hide anything from you. She shared with you what mattered.”

She nodded slowly and looked toward the tree again until Ellie turned around and called her over to put an ornament on the tree. You bit your lip as you watched her do it, your eyes wide and soft and you hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a squeeze when she stepped back to look at her handiwork.

Joel was steadfastly trying to focus on the holiday instead of the tension that had settled over the town since his attack. Patrols had been ramped up, sending people out in small groups instead of pairs. There were growing signs of people present in the wilderness, more xes on trees and remains of fires. Tommy had told Joel - much to your chagrin - that the prevailing theory was they were marking Jackson territory, the signs always found at the edges of where patrols ran. As though someone was watching for where they could seize power. Everyone was on tenterhooks, waiting for something worse to happen.

But the build up to Christmas seemed to have taken everyone’s minds off the looming threat. Joel was thankful for it. It seemed to have lightened your mood some, too - part of why he decided to bring up the patrol issue yet again.

He didn’t tell you that he was set to see Carol the next day to hopefully get cleared for patrol. And… other activities.

The cruelty of the timing of the attack hadn’t been lost on Joel. He’d just gotten you back, hadn’t even had 12 damn hours with you before he had to leave for patrol and then almost never came back. But he’d lived and, while you’d been close ever since, you weren’t close enough.

He wanted you.

That wasn’t quite right, he always wanted you. He was pretty sure he’d wanted you since the moment he first saw you. He was beyond that now. He needed you so bad he ached with it, his whole fucking body hurt with it sometimes. But you wouldn’t touch him without the doctors saying it was OK. Even though, at this point, he was starting to think it was medically dangerous to be so fucking wanting.

“Are you goin’ to the stables today?” Joel asked, holding you close. You nodded against him. “You think you’ll be done in time for the movie?”

“Definitely,” you said. “Savvy’s never seen a Christmas movie, not missing that.”

He kissed your forehead.

“Been meanin’ to ask you something,” he said.

“Hm.”

“Think you’ll be my date for the dance tomorrow night?” He asked. You pulled back from him and glared, your eyes still red. He smiled a little. “Know I left it to last minute but I’m hoping…”

“Of course I’ll be your date,” you shoved him ever so lightly. “Who else am I gonna go with? Been cooped up here with you for the last month, all my other prospects have given up on me…”

He laughed and kissed you.

“Guess you’ll just have to be my girl, then.”

“Guess so.”

He kissed you again, deeply, firmly. But it was different than so many other kisses he’d shared with you over the past few weeks. There was heat behind it. A twinge of need and want that tasted so familiar on your tongue. You moaned and adjusted so you were closer to him, your body curving, leg hitching up over his so you could press your mound against his thigh. He gripped you tighter, pulled you closer, but you pulled back with a groan.

“Baby,” he breathed but you shook your head.

“Not going to risk hurting you,” you panted.

“Not gonna hurt me…”

“Not sure I trust your judgement,” you gave him a final, chaste, peck on the lips. “I’ll see you tonight, walk over with you and the girls.”

“Have a good day,” he said.

“I will if you take it easy,” you replied, extracting yourself gently from his grip and heading out the door.

He watched you leave and waited for a few minutes to make sure you were gone before he got up, too. It was almost Christmas and there were things he wanted to do.

***

Joel looked far too pleased with himself, his hand on your thigh as you sat beside him at the Tipsy Bison. You had one of Julie’s special cocktails - something she called the Grinch and tasted like mint - and were well on your way to being tipsy for the first time in months.

Savvy and Ellie were sitting with some friends - Dina, Jesse, the boy from school you suspected Savvy had a crush on named Kyle - and looked to be having fun. You hoped Savvy would talk to you about it later. She’d been opening up a little bit more, never fully pulling away like she had for so long. You took what you could get, thankful that she was willing to speak to you at all.

She’d gone with you, Joel and Ellie to the movie the night before. It was Miracle on 34th Street. She seemed to enjoy it, smiling and watching the screen in wonder, soaking it all in. It was bittersweet to see. You’d always wanted to be able to give her these things, the kinds of things you remembered loving as a girl at the holidays. But there was a certain cruelty in it, too. She’d never see a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, never visit a mall Santa. Jackson brought her closer to the life you’d led as a girl but it was still so far away and it was hard, not being able to share it with her.

But Ellie had talked her into spending Christmas Day with you and Joel. You’d damn near kissed her when she told you and you felt a little like you had as a child on Christmas Eve, the greatest gift you could have ever asked for, spending the day with Savvy, Joel and Ellie all together.

But Joel seemed as excited as you were, a small smile tugging at his lips as you sat across from Tommy and Maria.

“Can’t believe it’s Christmas again,” Maria said, taking a drink of his beer. “Swear, time goes by faster and faster every damn year.”

“I’ll take time goin’ faster as long as that means it’s still goin’,” Joel replied.

“Know that’s right,” Tommy shook his head a little, half smile on his face. “We’re all still standing and after the last year, seems like the best I can ask for.”

“Y’all doing anything special for William this year?” You asked, turning your cocktail glass slowly in your fingers. “He’s getting big enough to know what’s going on now.”

“Santa’s planning to make a visit,” Tommy smiled a little. “He’s been pretty good lately, figure that should be rewarded.”

You smiled back, looking toward Savvy. She was facing the boy on the bench next to her and his fingers traced the outside of her knee and she smiled.

The music changed, the strains of the song familiar. Hallelujah. You looked toward Joel and he smiled a little wider, the change so subtle you doubted anyone but you would notice.

“This is hardly a Christmas song.”

“There’s an argument to be made,” he said. “Heard it on the radio sometimes at Christmastime, it counts.”

He took his hand off your thigh and held it out to you. An offering.

“C’mon, baby,” his eyes were hot on you. “Call it an early Christmas present.”

You put your hand in his and let him lead you to the dance floor. You draped your arms over his shoulders, fingers trailing through his hair as he tugged your body close to his.

“See?” He said, tracing your nose with his. “Not so bad.”

“Helps when you’ve got a good partner,” you smiled a little. “How’s that leg of yours doing?”

“Good as new,” he said. “Definitely isn’t gonna keep me from dancing with you, that’s for damn sure.”

You laughed a little before you nestled your head against his chest, sighing contentedly.

“I’m so glad you’re still here to dance with,” you said quietly as you swayed with him. He gave you a gentle squeeze.

“Me too,” he said softly, almost sadly.

“I feel like I wasted so much time,” you whispered, tears pricking the corners of your eyes and making your throat tight. You got like this a lot lately, this haze of what almost was hanging over you. “I should have known better and…”

“Hey,” he said, pulling back from you just enough to look in your eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, didn’t waste anything. I gave you a lot of shit to work through, more than you ever should have had to deal with. You did what you needed to do, s’not a waste.”

“What if I’d lost you?” You asked softly. “What if I never came over that night, what if…”

“What if a lot of things,” he cut you off. “Doesn’t matter. We got here. That’s the important thing.”

He pulled you back against him and you pressed your ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“Gotta ask,” he said, tone lighter after a moment. “Never had any of those fancy dance classes you had. How do I hold up compared to the guys who did?”

You laughed once, burying your face in his chest for a moment.

“Best partner I ever had,” you said.

He chuckled a little, his lips brushing your forehead.

“Good.”

You held him closer, moving with him slowly on the dance floor for a while. You weren’t sure how long. You let yourself get lost in him. The way he swayed in time to a rhythm your body was more in tune with than your mind, the way he felt so warm as he wrapped around you, the way his heart beat and the rise and fall of his chest were constant and stable. The way he was whole in your arms. It was like you could finally relax into that reality, you’d reached a point that you weren’t just scared anymore. He was here, he wasn’t going to fade away to nothing in the night. His heart would keep beating, his chest would keep rising, you wouldn’t need to find a way to do this without him.

“Ready to go?” He asked softly after what felt like a while. “Want to get you home.”

“Yeah,” you said, separating from him enough to look at him. “Let’s go.”

You went and said your goodbyes to Tommy and Maria and Joel stopped by the girls’ table - scaring the shit out of Kyle by the look of it, Kyle’s eyes wide and terrified - before lacing his fingers with yours for the walk home.

“What did you say to them?” You asked, walking close enough to him that you could feel the slight limp he had now.

“Told ‘em to get home at a reasonable time,” he shrugged. “And no boys behind closed doors. Don’t want that Kyle kid gettin’ any ideas…”

You snorted.

“It looked like you threatened to castrate the boy,” you said. “I don’t want anyone taking advantage of Savvy but I don’t want everyone terrified to date her, either.”

“Didn’t get that specific with it,” Joel said, a little defensive. “Just made it clear that someone was watchin’. And that someone was me.”

You smiled and shook your head a little.

“You’re ridiculous,” you said. “But… thank you. For taking care of my daughter.”

He looked at you, his face serious as you came to a stop at his front walk.

“Course,” he said. “She’s an amazing kid, Bambi. You did a great job with her. And… might not deserve it but… feels like she’s mine, too. Love her like she’s mine. Hope that’s OK.”

You looked at him for a moment, his eyes soft and warm, the lines of his face familiar landscapes. For a moment, it was as though your heart had broken open with him, cracked down to the center because the love you had for him couldn’t be held there anymore. You pulled him close to you, kissing him soft and deep.

Or it started that way, at least. But his body against yours, the sharpness of your love in your chest, the taste of him on your tongue pushed you into desire. It didn’t take much to spark it - it had been so long since you’d had him - but once it was there, it burned hot and fast, swallowing the reminder that you should keep yourself under control quickly.

“C’mon,” Joel said against your lips, breathless. “Let’s go inside.”

You nodded and followed him inside, using the short walk from the street to his front door as a chance to try to get the want that was flaring inside you under control. It was too soon, it had to be too soon and you weren’t going to risk Joel’s health just because you were aching to have him as close as possible.

Joel pulled you back against him as he he closed the door behind the two of you, tilting your head to give him better access to your mouth, his fingertips sinking into your skin as he gripped you tight. You swallowed a moan and tried to keep yourself from giving in even as you pressed yourself closer to him.

“Joel,” you breathed, pulling your lips from his, his hands still holding you against him. “We… we should stop…”

“Don’t need to,” he said, kissing you gently again.

“Joel…”

“Went to the doctor today,” he kissed over the line of your jaw, following the curve of your bones up to your temple where his lips lingered. “Said there’s a lot I’m allowed to do now. Including everything I want to do to you.”

He trailed kisses down to your neck and you moaned as his lips pressed into the sensitive skin there.

“I’ll beg if I have to,” he whispered. “But I need you, baby. Need to have you close, need to be inside of you.”

“Fuck,” you panted, eyes closed, fighting to focus. “Are…” his mouth found a particularly sensitive spot, kissing and sucking you gently and sending goosebumps spreading over your skin. “Jesus… are you… are you sure? I don’t want you gettin’ hurt…”

“I’m sure,” he said softly, finally pulling his lips from your skin to look in your eyes again, your body cradled against his. “Bein’ apart from you has damn near killed me. Need to feel you.”

“Need you, too,” you breathed, caving to your baser instincts. “Please, Joel.”

He kissed you again and you could taste the desperation on his tongue, heat pooling between your hips. He guided you toward the stairs as he shrugged out of his coat and pushed yours off your shoulders and down your arms. He left both in a heap on the floor, keeping his mouth against your own until the two of you were at the base of the stairs. You only separated long enough to go up them, Joel pulling you back against him on the second story landing.

You let him guide you, tried to focus on being gentle with him instead of pulling him to you and pressing him against you the way you wanted.

But you could only resist so long. You tugged at his shirt, pulling at the buttons until you could shove it down his arms and toss it to the floor, too. He did the same with yours, discarding it in the hall before pulling you into his bedroom, nudging the door closed with his foot. It wasn’t long before you were both naked next to his bed, bodies pressed close and tight, his cock thick and hard and weeping against your stomach.

You took control then, turning him in your arms so that he was against the bed. He lowered himself back onto it slowly, his grip on you gentle but secure so you were on his lap, straddling him as you kissed him.

“Really fucking missed you,” he whispered, kissing down your jaw to your neck to your chest. He rocked his hips up against you, his thick shaft nestled against your clit, the motion making you moan. “Goddamn, missed you so much.”

His hands slipped over your skin to your breasts, cupping and cradling them before lavishing his hot, wet mouth over the soft swell of flesh there. He sucked a nipple into his mouth with a needy groan and you couldn’t help but roll your hips against him as he did, your tight, hot center clenching and gripping at nothing, desperate for something to pull deep inside. Joel’s tongue teased the firm nub between his lips, licking and sucking you, making you moan and rock yourself against him on his lap before moving to the other breast, giving you the same treatment there.

“Joel,” you whimpered, fingers tangling in his curls. He pulled his mouth from your chest to look in your eyes, his gaze soft and hot like starlight.

“Think you can come like this for me?” He asked softly. “Want you to come for me, want you to be so wet and soft inside for me, think you can do that?”

You just nodded and his hands slid around to your back as he buried his face in your throat before going back to your breasts as he rutted his thick, dripping length up against your clit, the silken firmness of him pressing close and tight against your wet heat. You ground your hips down against him, desperate for more, to be as close as you could be to him, his body determinedly angled to keep you from working him into you. There was a tightening ache in you, the burn of need for something that was just out of reach making your head spin and pleasure spool.

“Just gotta come for me,” his voice was hot and needy. “Just come for me, all you gotta do. Just come, just come, please baby, just come, want to feel you come like this, you can give me that, know you can…”

His desperate words were what you needed, the tension in you rising until you felt like you were going to break with wanting before your orgasm hit you hard, a wave of pleasure rolling over you. It was sharp, you hadn’t come in weeks, and you could feel all of it. How your clit throbbed against his cock, how your entranced pulsed and grasped at the root of him, how it seemed like your entire being was trying to pull him into yourself.

“Oh fuck,” he held you tight to him, his cock pressed tight against you, so firm that you could feel him against your pubic bone. “Fuck, just like that. Gonna feel so good inside you baby, gonna be so goddamn good, just get all that come all over me, feel so good drippin’ all over me.”

You dropped your head to his shoulder, body going limp for a moment as your orgasm finished. Joel cradled you to him before going to adjust you on the bed but you stopped him, sitting up again and pressing back on his shoulders.

“Baby,” he groaned but you took his face in your hands and tilted his head so you could kiss him, really kiss him, the kind of kiss that was more hungry and consuming and claiming than anything else.

“Let me,” you whispered when you pulled your lips from his just enough to speak. He let you adjust him then, until he was flat on his back in the middle of the bed, your folded legs bracketing his thighs. You stroked his cock - wet with your come and leaking his own arousal - before rising onto your knees to notch his thick head at your entrance. Joel’s hands went to your thighs, his thumb tracing the scar there, the one from the knife you’d taken to the leg when trying to save him. His eyes were trained on it, his fingertips digging into your flesh more sharply there than your other leg. His eyes traced up your body to the scar at your stomach, just as harsh and red and raw as the one at your leg.

“Not tonight,” you said quietly. His eyes found yours. “It’s not about that tonight.”

He didn’t say anything. Instead, his callused hands slid up your thighs to your hips and you eased down onto his hard length. You moaned as you took him into yourself, his thick cock sinking into your soft heat. He felt so good inside of you, your body remembering just how to make him a part of you. It had been weeks but it didn’t matter, he was built into you now, he fit into you the way no one else ever could, filling and stretching you totally. His breaths stuttered as more and more of him entered you, his fingertips clutching onto the soft flesh of your hips and ass harder and harder with every inch of him that worked its way into you. Just as the ridge of his head ghosted against the back wall of your channel, your hips met his and you let yourself adjust for a moment, savoring the feel of him inside you that way.

Joel was panting for breath below you, his eyes tracing over your body again and again as your channel gripped him.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he looked in your eyes as he said it. “Most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen.”

You just moaned a little, your hands coming to rest on the broad expanse of his chest, fingers splaying wide over his skin. But you didn’t move otherwise. He felt too good like this, so deep inside you. You almost didn’t want to move, didn’t care if you didn’t make yourself come with him in you. He was deep inside and he was secure there. You could feel how whole and alive he was, the way his cock throbbed, the pulse of him, the comforting heat. Like this, he was yours. Unquestionably, undoubtedly yours and no one could take him away from you.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” his fingers tightened on you. “I… fuck… I need you to move, baby… I can’t keep goin’ like this, I need… I need you to move, need to feel you, please baby, please.”

You didn’t respond. You just started to rise on his cock, moving your hips slow and shaky over him, making him groan. When just his head was left barely inside your entrance, you thrust back down, his cock splitting you open again, his head falling back, mouth open in a desperate gasp.

You rode him like that for a while, you weren’t sure how long. The slow and aching lift, the devastating reclaiming as you took him again and again almost meditative. You watched each other, lost in the feeling of your bodies together, working in tandem to become something more than just yourselves.

Eventually, Joel tugged you closer, tilting you down until he could reach your face, his large palm curving over your jaw, his thumb pressing into your cheek.

“C’mere,” he whispered in the dim light of the moon on the snow outside his window. “Want to feel more of you.”

You folded yourself into him, your bodies aligned, his cock still buried deep but your chest now against his, your lips overing over his own, noses against each other. Even in the night, you could see the different shades of brown in his iris like this, all of them soft and full of love for you.

His hand slid to the small of your back, tilting your hips just so and holding you there as he started thrusting up into you and making you whimper.

“Let me,” he said softly.

You just nodded, letting him gently work himself into you again and again. The strokes were aching and smooth, almost rocking as he moved inside of you. The deep, full press of his thick cock into all the soft parts of you that existed because of him, the brief moment of feeling so full and whole before the tender rhythm he set within you pulled him back again.

“Joel,” you whimpered, so desperate. You weren’t sure you could even say anything else, every other word you’d ever learned reduced down to the only one that mattered in that moment.

“Together,” he said quietly, never breaking his rhythm. “OK baby? Together.”

You just nodded quickly. Your body was getting tighter and tighter and you kept your eyes on his, breathing the same air, feeling the press of his warm, soft skin into yours as your orgasm built alongside his.

“You’re close,” he said. It wasn’t a question and you didn’t need to answer. He could feel you and you could feel him, too. “I’m gonna come, want you to come with me. Going to fill you up so deep, baby, going to feel me so deep and I need to feel you, too.”

His hand that was on your back pressed into you firmer, taking root at the base of your spine and pushing your hips lower so his cock was deeper longer, his hips pressed against your clit with more heat and tension and, for a moment, it felt as though your entire body was on fire with need before the band of pleasure that had been winding tight inside you snapped. Your orgasm hit you like a wave, rushing out from your core and flooding through the rest of your being just as Joel pressed your hips down and flush with his, holding himself deep as he came with a strangled moan. Your channel fluttered around him, rippling and pulling him into you as he pulsed deep inside. You could feel him so clearly against and inside you, every inch of his skin, every throb of his cock, every gasping breath. You kissed him then, bodies connected in every way, until your orgasms eased and you went limp on top of him. Your head nuzzled against the side of his neck and you breathed in the scent of his skin as you came back down to earth, his arms keeping you flush against him as his cock softened inside of you, the combination of his come and yours already dripping out of you.

“Never goin’ that long without you again,” he said softly, his fingers tracing slow and easy abstract patterns over your skin. You hummed in agreement. “I’m gettin’ to be too old to be so deprived.”

You laughed a little.

“Should start being more careful then,” you said, reaching out to card your fingers through his hair.

“Well now that I have the proper motivation…”

You laughed again and closed your eyes. He held you like that for a while, until goosebumps from the winter air started prickling over your skin. He took you more firmly then, slipping his soft cock from the safe, soft warmth of you and slipping you down beside him on the bed. He pulled a blanket over the two of you and you sighed contentedly. He tugged you closer and you happily obliged, your legs tanging with his as he brushed your hair back before holding your face gently in his large hand. You just smiled a little, eyes on his. He smiled back, just enough that his cheek dimpled.

“You’re still feeling OK?” You asked quietly after a few minutes.

He laughed lightly.

“Whole lot better than OK,” he replied. “I’m amazing. Always amazing when I’m with you.”

You smiled a little wider.

“You know,” he said slowly. “I had a lot of time to think when I thought I was about to die.”

Your smile shifted to a frown but his didn’t, not really. His gaze was just soft, gentle. Like he was trying to leave himself as open as he could to take as much of you in as possible.

“I remember more of that than anything that actually happened in that room. Didn’t have much in the way of regrets,” he continued. “Had you to thank for most of that. Ellie and I had made things right, I was thankful for that. I was thankful you’d come back to me, even if it was just for a night. Thankful I got to tell you I loved you one last time…”

“Joel,” you whispered. His thumb stroked your cheek.

“I saw Sarah,” he said quietly. Your eyes went wide but you stayed silent. “When I was unconscious, I saw her. She was someplace good, somewhere that was bright and warm like her. And there was part of me that wanted to stay with her, take care of her and make sure she was OK. But… most of me wanted to come back here and be with you and the girls. And Sarah… she told me that it wasn’t my time yet. Told me I still had things to do here, that I needed to take care of you and Ellie and Savvy and I just… I knew she was right. I felt it, more than I’d felt so many other things, I felt that. I belong here, next to you. I don’t want to have any regrets when it comes to you but right now… well, I got one big one.”

“What?” You asked quietly, your heart beating faster.

“That I almost died before having the chance to live as your husband,” he said. Your breath caught. “But you saved me, gave me a chance to do it right. And I don’t think I deserve to ask you for a damn thing but I’m hopin’ you’ll let me, anyway. Will you give me that chance? Will you be my wife, will you marry me?”

Your heart was beating so fast that you could hear your blood in your ears. You reached out, hand trembling, and cupped his cheek.

“Of course I will,” you said softly, voice thick and wet. Joel smiled, tears glistening in his eyes, and he kissed you, gentle and deep and lovely, a kiss empty of expectation and full of promise.

When you separated, you just looked at him for a moment, taking him in, the man who would be your husband. The whole concept made you laugh, the sound bubbling up in you.

He just smiled.

“What, baby?”

“I just…” you paused, still laughing a little. “It’s the end of the world, how do you even get married now? Not like there’s a courthouse…”

“Well,” he said, rolling away from you for a moment and reaching into the drawer of his nightstand. You propped yourself up on your elbow and frowned, watching as he rolled back with a small wooden box in his hand. “Figure since the paperwork part don’t exist anymore, we can do it whatever way you want to but…” he opened the box. Inside was two rings, both dark metal, one band slender, the other thick. “Thought I’d make sure this part was covered.”

“Oh Joel,” you sat up all the way, letting the blanket pool around your hips. You took the smaller ring from the box and held it up, looking at it up close. “Where did you find these?”

“Made ‘em,” he said, sitting up, too. “They’re from one of Ares’ old horseshoes. Figured it was only appropriate…”

“They’re perfect,” you breathed, turning it over in your fingers for a moment before looking at him. “Could we… I mean, I know it’s fast but… would you be OK if we just did it now?”

“Did what?”

“Got married,” you said, watching him. “I understand if you want to wait or want the girls there but…”

“How do you want to do it?” He cut you off.

You smiled a little.

“How about we just make promises to each other.”

He smiled back.

“I like it,” he took his ring out and set the box aside. He held it out toward you and you took it before putting your ring in his palm. The two of you faced each other, blankets in your laps, knees brushing under the covers.

He took a deep breath.

“I promise I’ll love you with every part of me,” he said. “And I promise I’ll keep lovin’ you until there’s none of me left.”

“I promise to love you every second of the rest of my life,” you replied. “And every second of whatever comes after, too.”

“I promise to protect you,” he said. “Promise to never let anything hurt you.”

“I promise to take care of you,” you said. “And look out for you and protect you because where you go, I go.”

“I promise to love your girl like she’s my own,” he continued. “And I promise to take care of her and do everything I can to make sure she’s safe and happy.”

“I promise to love Ellie like you do,” you said. “I promise to help guide her and protect her and give her the life she deserves to have.”

You looked at each other for a moment, tears in your eyes, before Joel gently took your left hand in his.

“Think they used to say ‘with this ring, I thee wed,’ or something like that,” he said, thumb tracing your knuckles.

“That sounds right,” you smiled a little.

“Alright then,” he said, lining the ring up with your finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

He slipped it into place. It fit perfectly, settling at the base of your finger with a soothing sense of finality. Joel lifted your hand to his mouth and kissed you there, his lips lingering on your skin for a moment before releasing you. You held his ring tight in your palm for a second, warming the metal, before taking Joel’s left hand. You lined the ring up with his finger and took a deep breath before looking him in the eye.

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

You slipped it into place, lacing your fingers with his once it settled where it belonged. You smiled, looking down and seeing his ring on your finger before looking back at him again.

“Think I get to kiss the bride now,” he said.

You laughed.

“I think so, too.”

He pulled you against him gently and kissed you all soft and deep, his lips holding every promise he’d made to you and, for the first time since the end of the world, you knew what it was to feel secure.

Next Chapter

A/N: ❤️

And that's all I have to say about that.

And that there's a lot more story to come. We're not quite to the end yet, I promise.

Thank you for being here and for reading. Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #smut fic

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see-arcane · 11 months

Text

Lucy and Jonathan

“We met some time ago a man that would just do for you, if you were not already engaged to Jonathan.”

I’ll admit, while it probably wasn’t anything more than an airy throw-in without any real barbs behind it, the inflection on Lucy’s comment followed by the idle advertisement of upcoming character, Dr. John ‘Jack’ Seward, as a higher-up-the-ladder ‘what-if’ prospect, still kind of stung to hear. I know it’ll get sanded back in later chapters because—minor spoilers—context clues will show that Mina, Lucy, and Jonathan have known/been friendly with each other since they were kids, and comments from future letters will show a more mutual regard. So it makes me wonder what the reason for the implied derision was.*

*(Beyond her possibly trying to push Jack in a way that says ‘Nope, No, I Choose Not to See the Crush, No Thank You, Hot Potato.’)

My guess? It’s a bit.

Specifically, a holdover from hers, Mina’s, and Jonathan’s earlier days when all of them had grown into adolescence, social mores started getting hammered in in earnest, and Mina and Jonathan were just starting on their official courtship.

Suddenly, they’re no longer a trio of kids enjoying each other’s company. Now it’s two young ladies—one rich, one poor—and a charming young man—also from a lower class. Considering the period, it would be only too easy for whispers to start flying behind fans and cigars that the young Mr. Harker might consider leveling up his prospects, or that the lovely Miss Westenra, a veritable Victorian Helen of Troy, might idly snatch her low-born friend’s man out from under her nose on a whim. And aren’t they such a pretty picture? Quoting their Shakespeare at each other, so intriguingly close compared to most men and their ladies’ friends…unless there are certain extra friendly circumstances involved, ha ha.

A ribald comment too many from coworkers at Hawkins’ firm and a backhanded compliment or three at the latest spring ball probably shocked Jonathan and Lucy respectively into action. Bonus points if one of the inciting remarks came from some tittering debutante, “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. You two are so alike! Such sweet bonny things, parroting the Bard at each other, prattling merrily about the latest little outing without stopping for breath. Really, Lucy, he would just do for you.”**

**(Some have wondered if Lucy was nudging Jack toward Mina due to certain similar traits they shared. Some morose aspects, intensely focused, interests in modern technology. You’ll see when you meet him. Either way, it’s another parallel to ponder here.)

Cue Mina having to endure her loved ones defending her honor from being dubbed a victim of romantic betrayal in the most vaudeville manner possible. Though she should expect no less from Theatre Nerds 1 and 2.

When they go out, Mina is permanently sandwiched between them as if they’re ducking behind a red-faced shield. Lucy brandishes a parasol to ensure they’re at least the shaft’s length apart; sometimes she’ll even open it to make sure they’re not swayed by looking upon each other, may Heaven forbid such scandalous temptation! Jonathan sits on the bench with them with his hat pulled down over his eyes for safety’s sake. At least a quarter of an hour at the start of each outing is dedicated to a back-and-forth of:

Lucy, nose up so high she’s looking more at the ceiling than him: Mr. Harker.

Jonathan, checking his pocket watch to see how long he must endure this most arduous company: Miss Westenra.

Mina, head in her hands: It’s been months.

Lucy, scoffing: Months of torment in his presence.

Jonathan, scoffing harder: Agony in hers.

Lucy, on a fainting couch: However can you stand him, Mina?

Mina, about to pull her hair out of its pins: You helped him pick out the ring, Lucy.

Jonathan, picture of woe: Tormentedly, of course.

Lucy, nodding: Agonizingly.

In short, Jonathan 🤝 Lucy:

#they think they're so funny #and they are #lucy westenra #re: dracula #dracula daily #dracula #jonathan harker #mina murray #mina harker

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justawritterwithideas · 11 months

Text

Boy Wonder and the Rockstar | s.r

✩ previous part | next part ✩

summary: Things start to get a little tense when Y/N and Spencer have to come face to face to find the person who wants to hurt her, but a clue leads to the total breakdown of everything.

general warnings: this series contains topics such as mentions of death, alcohol, drugs, strong vocabulary, as well as talk of heartbreak, disappointment and arguments. It also contains content regarding CM season 13, so it clearly contains spoilers.

chapter warnings: this chapter contains strong language, confrontations, mentions of murder, among other similar things. this is a spencer reid x famous!reader story.

words: 4,380 words.

a/n: hi guys, after days there's finally a new chapter of boy wonder and the rockstar, yay. sorry for the delay but it's been weeks without creativity, but finally i can upload a decent chapter. sorry if it's a bit (too) dramatic, but put yourselves in y/n's shoes, ok? this chapter has strong confrontations and a little bit of plot change, but don't worry, in the next chapter everything will calm down, trust me. thanks in advance for the love and also for the support for the previous chapters, see ya!

𝟎.𝟑: 𝐒𝐒𝐀 𝐃𝐫. 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧.

Sometimes, our mind plays tricks on us, like remembering those embarrassing moments in life, but not remembering the formula to do an equation; remembering what that person told you and that marked you forever, but not remembering what your mother asked you to do.

Sometimes, also, destiny plays tricks on us.

Those times when you ask, please, that the earth swallow you up and spit you out anywhere else but there, that it take you to the deepest part of the planet and disappear until everyone forgets you exist.

I think that concept was the exact way to describe what Y/N and Spencer were experiencing after coming face to face, after 15 years.

On the one hand, the astonishment of the girl's friends and on the other, the confusion of the boy's friends.

Face to face, facing the reunion and the various emotions they experienced from head to toe.

"Reid, do you two know each other?" Emily's voice made them both turn in her direction, but Spencer without even being able to bring himself to answer, the words were snatched from his mouth and taken up by the opposite.

"It's not something I'm interested in being honest, but us knowing each other doesn't affect the investigation, does it?"

Bang, first bullet.

"No, it doesn't affect."

Spencer glanced in the blonde's direction, crossing glances again for the second time that day.

That warm look she always gave him when they met had become the iciest anyone had ever given him.

Bang, second bullet.

"Miss Autumn... Or Y/N?"

"I'm both, I don't mind being called one way or the other." The girl looked in the direction of the group of people, who were watching her trying to decipher where she and the tall one knew each other from. To divert attention, she changed the subject. "Please sit down, I feel a little embarrassed that you are up and we are sitting down." Commented the girl.

The group of people settled around the four individuals seated on the large couch.

But Spencer's eyes did not move from the girl, who stirred uneasily in her seat.

Y/N was more nervous about the presence of the man she hadn't seen in years than about what had just happened a couple of hours ago.

Her hands were shaking, her heart was pounding in the bottom of her chest, she was out of breath and her mouth felt dry, as if she had run a marathon.

She knew that at some point she would meet that boy, the thing is she didn't think it would be so soon. The situation they were in wasn't the best, and even less so with the context behind it, but clearly fate didn't care what was happening and made them meet despite Y/N's prayers not to meet the one-who-must-not-be-named again.

Spencer looked more mature, even though he was always mature for his age. She remembered that he used to do the fee slip for some older friends that Y/N used to have, plus he knew how to think maturely regarding his decisions; not like her, who chose her hair color based on which box of dye was cheapest in the market, but Spencer always said she looked good in any color.

"Miss Y/N." The woman's lost gaze went in the direction of the blonde girl speaking to her, blinking quickly to focus.

"Yes? Sorry, I was just thinking..." Her gaze went from side to side, noting that they were expectant of her answer. "Excuse me, what was the question?"

A sigh came out of Tyler's mouth, who was leaning against the back of the couch. One thing the guitarist hated was the police, more so the feds so, them being there was not at all to his liking.

"I was asking what you did prior to you getting the box."

"Oh yeah, well we were coming from a sound check of the venue where we would be performing. We did that and then we would go to lunch, but before that we were going to stop by the hotel for a change of clothes. I walked into the front desk and was talking to Felix, but before I got on the elevator the receptionist told me that a package had arrived in my name." The girl let out a soft sigh, refocusing on her story. "I wasn't surprised that a package would suddenly arrive, usually information about where you are and who you're with usually travels faster than light, plus it's not the first time it's happened to me."

"What do you mean it's not the 'first time it's happened to you'?" J.J. asked again.

"Well, usually brands contact the band's marketing people days in advance to find out where we are to send packages, to use at concerts or interviews as part of the publicity. It's not the first time a brand has sent a package to a hotel for us to receive." Suddenly, Y/N's face became a bit of an enigma to people. "Even though I was surprised that it was addressed to me, usually they tend to address it to Gerald because he is the manager, they don't usually expose our personal information because of possible leaks."

"That's true, they always send packages in my name by protocol, it's part of the contract that is signed with the brand at the time of sending it." Gerald stated.

"So them sending packages in your name is not a normal thing, is it?" asked Emily.

"That's right, there are usually packages that come with letters inside that indicate who they are addressed to, you know... 'Dear Autumn or Dear Paradox'." Spencer's gaze went in the direction of the pictures in the package and then to the girl in front of him, who looked distracted at the rings on her fingers.

None looked like a wedding or engagement ring, Spencer thought.

Even though that thought quickly faded, it was unprofessional to think about it when a madman was after her and sending her ghoulish gifts.

"So the person thinks they're close to you, or they're a person from the past who was close to you." Commented Tara, who simply kept leaning against a wall.

"It's kind of hard, a lot of the people who were close to me suddenly cut off contact or are stuck with me, like this group." A fake laugh escaped Y/N's lips, glancing in the direction of Reid, who was lowering his gaze.

Bang, final punchline.

"Thank you, miss. We know it's important information you've just given us, but we'll still have to conduct an interrogation with all of you separately." Before anyone could protest, Emily continued. "This way we can rule them out as suspects, we know they wouldn't hurt Y/N, but this way we can start working quickly and efficiently to find the culprit, before it gets any bigger."

"What do you mean by 'bigger'?"

Y/N looked in the direction of the woman in the suit, who simply let out a sigh.

"That it might come to hurt someone in your circle or... you."

All the air in Y/N's throat shot out, feeling her insides stir at what the woman had just said.

They could hurt her friends just by being friends with her, the only family she had left just by being close to her.

"Thank you agents." Gerald stood up as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, he had to warn the management straight about the risk of the tour at this point.

This was a disaster, a complete disaster.

It had been a couple of hours since the agents had set up at the hotel.

Since that couple of hours, Spencer had not been able to cross a single word with Y/N.

It wasn't because they wouldn't let him, on the contrary, he'd had plenty of opportunities to do so.

But the words in his throat wouldn't come out, it was as if they were trapped and his brain wasn't working at all.

"How do you know Autumn, Boy wonder?"

Penelope's voice snapped Spencer out of his chimera.

"What are you talking about, Garcia?"

"Don't try to fool me, it's clear you two go way back. You knew who she was with just a glance and she confirmed it, even though you'd never seen who it was. You didn't even react when we saw her pictures at Quantico, you didn't seem to know who she was until she spoke here, so tell me now, how do you know her?"

The woman's hands went to her hips, implementing pressure to get Spencer to talk about what was going on.

Y/N and Spencer were a couple of feet away, but they seemed like they were miles apart.

"It's a long story." Spencer began.

"If you don't tell me, I'll investigate under my own steam and believe me now that Hotch is gone, I'm not going to stop."

"Well, Y/N and I have known each other since college. We were friends for a long time, exactly three years..." A long sigh took hold of Reid, who felt all the memories together fall like an avalanche of sensations and emotions, just like how it was when he was in college. "I think he was one of the few people who put up with me during this time and who supported me the most. But when I was accepted to the academy I promised not to cut off contact with her when I moved to Virginia..."

"So what happened, why did it seem like running into you is the most horrendous thing that ever happened to her, even though she got a human finger this morning?" Penelope's own questions were answered as she looked at Spencer's embarrassed face. "Don't tell me that... Oh no, Spencer."

"I stopped responding to her letters within a month of arriving in Virginia, cut off all contact with her."

It seemed that admitting it made the pain stronger and stronger, like a stake through his stomach and his whole body.

"Why, Spence, why did you do that?"

"Well, the truth is-"

"Guys, there's security camera footage. Penelope we need you."

They both looked at each other before they could make their way to where everyone was.

They were all standing around the computer, where it was clear on the monitor screen as someone dressed as a courier dropped off the box, then handed a receipt to the receptionist and quickly left. Fast forwarding the recording, the moment where the band enters and the package is handed over can be seen.

"Well, the girl gets the package and then asks a question." Luke spoke aloud.

"She probably asks who sent it or who delivered it, to make sure it's for her." J.J. replied back.

"And then she goes to the elevator, the doors close and then..." The recording switches to the one in the hallway where the group is seen exiting the elevator heading to one of the hotel's private rooms. The new image is seen in the boardroom, where everyone is seen sitting around chatting and the woman opening the box.

The scene seemed orchestrated for a key scene in a horror movie: the girl screaming, holding her hands to her mouth and the others seeing the inside of the box, Felix trying to calm Y/N down, Tyler running out of the room, Gerald calling mortified to what appeared to be the police and Shawn calling on the phone in the room to what would be reception. In a quick lapse, the amount of people running in and out of the room is seen, leading people outside to leave the scene as close to what had just happened and soon stops when the police arrive, who do the procedure when faced with such situations.

"The group enters the room, Y/N opens the box, yells and soon everyone takes different stances with what they just saw, but no one touches the box except for Y/N..." Rossi watches Penelope replay the recording from the beginning, from receiving the package.

"I think it's common sense seeing that, I wouldn't touch a box with a human finger too." Garcia replied to Rossi.

Spencer watched everything in extreme detail, trying to figure out what he was missing. There was something that didn't add up to him, as if it was all set up to happen that way.

"Doesn't it look to you like everything was perfectly organized?" Spencer's voice made everyone turn to him. "Like everything all of a sudden was made to run like that, like that person wanted us to see what happened, every single thing that happened while we got there."

Every single movement of the band was on camera, from their departure from the hotel in the morning to their arrival at lunchtime; from when, Y/N, they received the package to when they opened it, what everyone in the band was doing at the time of the event and even after the event, every single movement was monitored by the cameras, every single one of them.

"It's as if that person knew their routine to the letter, every single schedule and activity..." At the time, all BAU members had one person in mind, the only person who could know every detail about them was the one who lived 24/7 with them.

"Thanks, big G." Y/N received the coffee between her hands, drinking it from the makeshift interrogation room. The five of them were looking at each other, trying to understand what they were doing there and how they had gotten there.

"I don't understand why they have us here, we haven't done anything. We've already told our story a bunch of times and to different people, what the fuck are they waiting for to free us? A divine miracle? For this crazy guy to come and turn himself in?" Tyler was the most dismayed at that moment, at any moment he was going to explode against anyone who stood in front of him.

"Stop it, Tyler. We're not getting anything out of your shitty attitude, they're shuffling through every possibility to rule us out of being a crazed psychopath out to hurt Y/N." Shawn gently patted Tyler to try to calm him down, but it seemed to have made him more prone to explode. "The more we help on this, the faster we can get out here and have a good nap."

"Shawn's right, guys. Let's try to make it easier for the agents to investigate, so we can get on with the tour as soon as possible." Gerald finished with his pack of gummies, tossing the wrapper in the trash.

"What did the bosses say regarding this?" Y/N's words made Gerald let out a sigh, sitting back in the chair where he was.

"As long as this won't calm down and that none of us were in danger, the tour will have to be paused or at worst, cancelled."

A wave of protests came out of the band's mouths, causing Gerald to have to pound the table to calm them down.

"Cancel it, G? We haven't been on stage for two years and to suddenly cancel it, our sales will go down." Tyler vociferated, rising from his seat.

"What's going to happen to the fans? We're going to disappoint them if we cancel it just like that, they've waited for four years for new music and two for a tour, are they going to keep us on indefinite hiatus again? You know how long we've waited for a tour, they know the level of fans we manage worldwide." Y/N was next to rant, bringing one of her hands to her hair to comb it.

"Can't you tell your fed friend to help us hurry this up?"

A current of electricity coursed through every part of Y/N's anatomy, who turned to look at Tyler for his words.

"No."

Y/N's words were harsher than breaking a diamond in two, causing the guitarist to raise his hands in a symbol of peace.

"Let's try to stay calm, guys. Let's not lose our peace, this will work out, I read that the BAU is one of the most prestigious groups in the FBI, they'll be able to solve this problem before this goes any bigger." Felix turned in Y/N's direction, giving her hand a gentle squeeze and invited her to sit next to him.

The silence and calm didn't last long as Spencer and Emily entered the room, along with two police officers.

"Officers, are you bringing news?" Shawn asked, before he could watch as the officers approached Gerald's chair.

"Mr. Gerald Murphy, you are under arrest for being the prime suspect in the crime committed-" Emily's voice made all four of them stand up from where they were.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Felix was the first to react, trying to stop them from slapping handcuffs on the oldest of them all.

"What are you talking about, he didn't do anything! Gerald!" Y/N's loud voice made Emily's voice sound in the background, which recited the rights he had and escorted him out of the room. "Gerald! Please!"

"Hey! You sons of bitches, he had nothing to do with it!" Tyler went after them, along with Shawn who had him by the hip so he wouldn't throw himself at them.

"Shawn, call corporate! This is a misunderstanding, calm down." Slowly, Gerald's voice became more and more distant.

"Gerald! Please, he didn't do anything!" Y/N was more agile than the officers, so she quickly wriggled out of their grip.

She still didn't get very far when familiar hands held her back from going outside, where a group of paparazzi were waiting for some action for the morning news.

"'Stop it, Y/N... Enough fighting." Spencer's voice made her fidget, trying to get out of his grip, but starting to tire after a few struggles.

"Let go of me, Reid. Stay out of it, he didn't do anything." The girl's slender hands went to the chestnut's wrists, making them downward to signal him to let go.

When the boy released her, it made Y/N turn in his direction.

She was angry.

No.

She was furious, her face was red with rage and her voice was shaking.

"What's the matter with you people!? You just took away an innocent person."

"The evidence places you as the possible perpetrator, Y/N." Spencer was trying to sound calm, occupying his most professional voice in front of the girl.

"What the fuck are you talking about! He was with us when I got the package! And the last two months since he started the tour! We would have noticed if it had been him." Y/N's hand movements indicated desperation and exaltation, Spencer could tell with her body language.

"Have you been with him in the moments he's been missing to do unofficial things? Or in the spare moments between rehearsals?"

Y/N's voice was replaced by silence, leaving the most obvious answer in evidence.

"That person can be dangerous, Y/N."

"Then why didn't he ever do anything to me? Why didn't he ever do anything to us?" Y/N folded her arms, still wearing that annoyed expression on her face.

"Because I use decoys to take out his anger."

"What do you mean, a-are there more people besides Bruno?" Her voice trembled at the recent news, bringing her hands to her face as she realized Spencer's facial expression hadn't changed at all at the bad news.

"At least eleven cases have been linked, Y/N."

There's that scary expression again, Spencer thought.

Y/N had to brace herself against a wall to keep from losing her balance, feeling a sensation rise from the pit of her stomach to her throat.

Even though he was aware of what was happening, there was one thing that was clear to him.

"Gerald wasn't, Spencer. I can bet my voice on it, he's innocent."

"Y/N, the evidence-"

"Fuck the evidence, Spencer! He didn't do it! He wouldn't be able to! He bet his whole career on a broke shitty band, he bet his life on us." Small salty tears began to fall down the cheeks of the girl, who faced the young man. "Someone who bet his life, his career, his fate on a band with no future couldn't do that."

"Y/N..."

"No, Spencer! He wasn't, that's my final word." The petite girl's small body walked past the taller one, bumping her shoulder against the other's arm as she left the scene.

"Please, Y/N, listen to me."

Despite Reid's long legs, he wasn't able to catch up to the young blonde who was disappearing inside the elevator.

Everyone's attention was around the heated exchange of words between the two, it was impossible to let go of the situation they had just witnessed and even more so with the end of it.

The man leaned against a wall, letting out a heavy sigh before he could turn around inside the room where his companions were.

"Spence, everything okay?" J.J approached his best friend, who looked somewhat upset from what had just happened.

"Everything's fine, J.J. She was upset about the situation that just happened." He commented giving a long sigh, looking in the direction of the elevator door where the girl had just disappeared. "It's all right, okay?"

A new silence surrounded them with the people in the place, watching each other's faces for the next move they were going to make. Spencer was touchy, everyone knew the singer was detonating something even they didn't know if they could handle, a side of Spencer they had never seen.

"Excuse me, Dr. Reid?"

The brown-haired man's gaze went in the direction of the door, where the boy they identified as Shawn was standing.

"Can we talk?"

The cigarette between Y/N's fingers was burning away as time went by. The icy wind on the terrace gave her goose bumps, but she tried to forget the event that had just happened.

They had arrested her only remaining family, accusing him of being the person who might be sending her those horrible obsessive messages and also accusing him of possibly hurting her.

Along with this, she had just run into the person she thought she had forgotten after 15 years and would now have to be with him behind 24/7.

Footsteps sounded behind her, causing her to let out a whimper and, without looking back, she blurted out.

"Felix, please. I want to be alone, what part of that don't you understand?"

The smoke in her lungs choked when she heard the answer.

"I don't think it's a good idea to be alone on a rooftop, Y/N."

The girl's body turned, watching the tall man behind her. He had his hands in his pockets and had that look on his face that made her get on her knees.

"Least I want to see you, Reid. It's already too much to share with you for the last few hours." She commented sullenly, taking one last puff on her cigarette and flicked it to the ground, stomping on it with the toe of her boot.

The contrarian's arms crossed her chest, starting to walk in the direction of the door that divided them from the elevator and the terrace.

"Y/N, listen to me." Spencer's hand caught one of the girl's arms, causing her to turn sharply to push him away.

"I have nothing to hear from you, Spencer. Unless it's to get Gerald released."

"Gerald may be the person who wants to hurt you, Y/N. I'm doing this to protect you."

"Protect me or make a wash of your image?"

"You know better than that, I would never do anything like that."

"How can I believe you? Liars don't change, Spencer. Do me a favor and let me go."

Y/N's attempt to flee had been interrupted, again, by the older man who wouldn't let go of her arm.

"Please, you have to listen to me."

"No Spencer. It's been long enough that we could talk, and now I have to listen to you because you want me to? What's happen with me, I have to ignore the fact that you didn't contact me for 15 years and now I have to act like we're lifelong friends? No Spencer, it won't happen."

"Y/N, this goes beyond that, it's import-"

"Important? This is more important than you erasing the idea that I ever existed? That we ever had such a strong friendship? That I supported you in every way you could think of, what about me, Spencer? Do I also have to forget all the damage you did to me when you disappeared? It's not fair." Y/N's cheeks burned, all the pent up anger she was going to take out on him. "It was always 'Spencer this, Spencer that' you, you and you. For once, in your life, stop thinking about yourself and think about me, for once in your fucking life!"

"Things aren't the way you think, stop imagining things that aren't."

"Then how were they? Explain to me how things were. Go ahead."

The atmosphere between the two was so tense that they could cut it with a knife, as if suddenly all time stopped for both of them.

Spencer had a chance to redeem his mistake, to prove that the reason things were done this way was not because of his own arrogance, but to protect her. To prove the point of his absence for so long, of cutting off contact so suddenly, that he had done things right and always, always, thinking of her.

But he didn't.

"It's not the place and time to do it, Y/N."

Spencer could see the hint of illusion Y/N had in her eyes fade, as her pupils went completely black and on her face neutrality returned.

"Right, because for you it's never the place and time to do it, Spencer." Before she could turn around, she came back to face him one last time. "The day you have enough pants to face the problem, that day talk to me but for now, don't you dare cross me unless it's to get Gerald back here."

For the second time that day, Spencer watched Y/N's blonde hair disappear behind the metal doors.

Just like the last scent of their past together.

If you like it, don't forget to like and repost it.

a lot of love, alme. ❀

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #spencerreid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x famous!reader #criminal minds fanfiction #it's my first series #almeseries

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cursedartistnelari · 2 years

Text

DID YOU SEE THE MOVIE??? IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

The best 120 minutes of my life were there

I know I haven't posted anything in a while, but the university has seriously been ruining me. To be honest, I still haven't been able to make much progress on the next chapter, but as a reward, I decided to give you the context of my story. So today I come to explain what the hell is going on here :)))

(without spoilers)

The drawings are not in order. I actually didn't finish all the pictures but suck it. Take it or leave it.

Enjoy

------

It's been a while since the end of the second season, they're all a year older, and apparently blue is the leader now. Does everyone like the idea? Nop

The boys managed to save the world after the almost destruction of everything at the hands of the Shedder, but not without leaving consequences. Strange cracks have recently been reported in the hidden city and New York. These cracks usually appear in random places, have magical properties, their exponential growth periodically, and are characterized by being accompanied by earthquakes wreaking havoc on both worlds. If they do not stop them soon the reality of both civilizations could be harmed. However, no one knows precisely the cause of these, their nature, or their true power... except for Draxum(? He has seen that kind of brilliance before, in his years as a warrior, yokai alchemist, and hater of humans.

As a last resort to save the world, he decides to look for someone who he hurt terribly in the past, Usagi.

Usagi is a 16 year old boy, he was born and raised on the outskirts of the hidden city in a very gated traditional community. Where what is professed is the importance of teaching and preserving the traditions of the first yokais who came from Japan to New York settling in the hidden city to build a new life there. Some time ago, his clan was the only one that had New York, they supported each other. They had a great sense of community and union thanks to the great chief who was blessed with the power of the gods to bring harmony and order.

However, with the passage of time and modernization of human society, several members were moving away from it opting for other forms and lifestyles. This greatly displeased the sages and elders within society, causing new severe rules against anything related to change. Thereby creating a smaller, closed, and remote community until total isolation.

Usagi was born into a society almost forgotten and close to change, he as the only son of the boss, had to learn everything necessary to one day succeed his father and continue with the tradition, he is aware of this. He knows the importance of this. He loves his father and loves his people.

But is it really what usagi wants? What if it wasn't?

Sadly before he could know the answer to that question, misfortune knocked on his door.

"Being different takes you bad places son"

It is one of the words he remembers most from his father as he waits his turn in the cell to get in the ring and fight for his life followed by Draxum's face, he cannot forget it, nor does he want to. Yes, there was a time when he believed he would be the chief. He really thought that some days he would make a change. He thought that he had friends. Did he was someone? Did he ever have a life?

Now he only fights to survive one more day... until some turtle boys appeared to look for him.

Things have not been easy for mad dogs, since the change of leadership from Leo to Rapha, the missions have become more complicated not to mention that his success rate in these has been declining thanks to Leo always ending up acting on his own more than in a team causing arguments between him and Rapha, followed by his two other brothers trying to calm them down.

Raphael is the older brother of the boys, he has been the natural leader of his brothers for years, and despite that, the truth is he has no problem with leaving the leadership to Leo. That is, at first the whole thing brought him a lot of mixed feelings. Was there anything wrong with him? If he was no longer the leader of the mad dogs, what is his role in the team? It was all very confusing, but if Dad thinks it's the right decision to make Leo the leader, that's fine, he wants to support him and teach him everything he knows. But sometimes it's so complicated and frustrating to make Leo understand that every decision that he makes has consequences. The most recent thing they must solve now are those rare and complicated cracks. Honestly, they have Rapha very worried and if Leo does not take it seriously, he does not know what else he can do.

Mikey was always the youngest in the family, he was always loved and protected by his older brothers since dad was not always available for them due to personal problems related to PTSD. Therefore it is normal that he has never liked the conflicts between his brothers and since the change of roles, these have become more frequent. He genuinely wants to help everyone, he is no longer a child who must be overprotected by others, sometimes he can also do the same for his siblings, listen to his problems, propose solutions, and talk.

Things like that.

It's just frustrating that they always underestimate his abilities and treat him like a baby by hiding things that they think he can't handle. Since the magical cracks appeared Mikey has the feeling that this could be his chance to show his brothers that he can help them too, he is the most magical of the family he just needs a chance.

Donnie has never been the best when it comes to feelings or change. There are many things that have changed since the battle with the shedder, starting with Leo who is now apparently the leader. Honestly, he is not very sure about this new change in the team, I mean he loves his brother and he must admit that he has some leadership qualities, but Raphael has always been in charge of leading them, it is a big change that he is terrified that It's going to go wrong and to be fair over the last few weeks Leo hasn't helped him change his mind. Recently cracks started appearing everywhere and maybe his brothers don't understand but if they don't work as a team this could go very wrong, not being good at this feeling thing, he doesn't know how to tell others his worries about the cracks.

Draxum insists that he knows someone. Yeah, of course. Let's trust him.

Leonardo, to be fair with him…

He never wanted to be the leader, "the face man" was a much more comfortable title for him. Honestly, what was dad thinking about that decision? Everyone knew that he didn't have the ability to be the leader, you don't have to be very smart to realize that he's not the one for the job. Being the leader of the mad dogs comes with so much responsibility and pressure, you only have to look at Rapha's forehead to know what he meant. Not to mention that everyone is against his way of doing things, he doesn't want to be the leader, but when he tries, nobody listens to him! He gets results, right? What is the problem, then?? Maybe he doesn't take it too seriously, but he just doesn't want to do this. Must be a bad dad joke and by this point, it's not funny anymore.

The cracks appeared recently and Draxum says that he knows someone who might have an answer for her, he honestly just wants to accomplish this one more mission to prove her point, until a cute boy shows up.

------

I thought about this comic as a way in which I would like to develop different aspects such as trauma, sexuality, their relationships with each other, and insecurities of the characters within the TMNT universe, etc. Since I didn't want this to get stuck on just in one ship. This led me to make the comic longer than I originally intended... and I mean A LOT longer.

For example, the typical rivalry between Leonardo and Raphael, but taken in a different way where Rapha tried to be like a mentor/guide for Leo developing their friendship (just like in the movie)

Donnie's problems over the idea that Draxum is now one of the good guys and he honestly doesn't believe him and doubts that someone like him can change so quickly.

Show a nice relationship between Mikey and Leo, where Angelo acts as a support for his brother and Leo is really willing to listen to Mikey's concerns.

I had planned that after Leo, Donnie would be the one who gets along best with Usagi although no one knows why, maybe it's because they are both quite quiet. At some point, Usagi turns to Don to tell him about his confused feelings for Leo, but Donnie would not be of much help in this regard because I was thinking of doing him aro/ace hahaha therefore he does not understand 100% what is happening to these two but he is sure They like each other and it's annoying to hear them both being so dramatic.

Another relationship I wanted to show would be Rapha's with Cass. In other adaptations, we saw that they have been very close and I wanted them to get along in some way in my AU. For example that Rapha and Cass started talking to each other since he helped her with anger management issues and getting over her past as part of the Foot Clan.

Leosagi wouldn't be the only ship in the AU either. I love Cass x April and I imagine them in a dynamic of enemies to lovers, for me they are girlfriends and I don't care what the rest say they love each other. Since they helped each other grow up, Splinter was the first to notice that they both have a lot in common even if they don't notice it.

Venus de milloooo, she will definitely have an antagonist role~ a turtle that splinter forgot to take and after surviving on her own in the streets of the hidden city. She ended up in the hands of big mama, being one of her champions in the battle of the nexus, earning her trust, leveling up and working for her as her right hand.

Finally, I think about including other characters for which I already have designs and others I don't see idk I want to pamper myself. Everything is possible.

Comic part 1

note 1: to be honest I doubt very much that I will draw the complete story that I develop for this Au, due to lack of time and nobody is paying me asdhadkjk at most a couple of vignettes of my favorite parts, explain the context, fanarts, and designs. But nothing more, I would let the fandom do what they want with this idea, just write leosagi fanfics please, I emotionally depend on that.

note2: I really want to thank @herm_izz and @nanakase_01 for helping me with the art and the script. THEY ARE SO AMAZING JUST GO AND FOLLOW THEM ON TWITTER

note3: I know my English sucks I'm doing my best :')

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licncourt · 2 years

Note

Is there a specific way to read the vampire chronicles or some books you should skip (I’ve just heard that some aren’t that good but like I’m up for anything)? And what books are focused on Louis and Lestat?

Okay I hope you weren't looking for a short answer to this because there isn't one 😭 Rather than just give my uncontextualized opinion, I'm going to try to explain what makes some (most) of VC so unbelievably terrible in so many people's eyes. There are going to be spoilers for pretty much all the books, but most of it is either incredibly stupid or information that you might want relating to content warnings. I'll list what applies to each book as I go.

I'm assuming you're here from my VC primer post, but if not, I'll link it right here! It gives a bit more detail on my short answer to your main question which is: if you value your sanity, only read the first three. Also a note to read the post I linked at the bottom of it about Anne Rice for context. It will help with understanding the tone this post takes re: the author.

To quickly answer your second question, I am sad to report that Interview with the Vampire is the only book focused on Loustat because after that Anne Rice decided that she hated Louis. Their relationship is on and off in the (very, VERY distant) background until they finally get together permanently towards the end of the series, but it's never the focal point again. She just kept us all on the hook by having one absolutely brain chemistry altering ship moment in a majority of the books (my compilation of those moments here).

Okay, on to specifics:

Interview with the Vampire: a literary classic with incredible character building. I'm assuming we can all agree that IWTV is fantastic and anyone who is reading this because of the show is probably already sold on it. If that's where you're coming from, you might be a bit disappointed by how unsympathetic Lestat can be, but that'll be remedied(ish) later. Lestat is the main character in the series going forward. Enjoy this Louis content because this is pretty much the end of it.

CW: keep in mind that the beginning of the book takes place on a plantation with all that entails; there are some occasional pedophilic and incestuous undertones, but nothing out of place with Gothic horror (it gets so much worse); domestic violence

The Vampire Lestat: this is widely considered to be excellent popular fiction rather than something as elevated as IWTV, but it's a 5-star read according to most fans. Lestat is such a vibrant, exciting character and so much more than the charismatic villain he was in IWTV (the AMC show incorporates a lot of his characterization from this book, as IWTV was originally a stand-alone novel without any real idea of what Lestat would become).

Aside from a (delightful) cameo at the end of the book, Louis is now in Anne Rice Jail and will not be allowed to do anything for the next nine books except be tortured once like a bug for no reason.

CW: a non-consensual turning that is directly analogous to sexual assault; descriptions of child abuse; Lestat, unfortunately, tongue kisses his mom

Queen of the Damned: this is the last book that most fans like. I personally consider it a step down from the first two, but I strongly prefer intimate, character driven stories and QotD is very plotty. It's a fun book, but some cracks start to show in AR's writing that will become a big problem later. Still, it's enjoyable and the ending is very satisfying for the story arc and for the characters. It also contains a fan favorite chapter that follows Daniel, the interviewer, and his insane romance with the vampire Armand.

If you want to be a happy person, turn back now.

CW: non-con blood drinking/vampiric SA; casual racism and pro-imperialism

***CATEGORY 5 EVENT: ANNE RICE FIRES HER EDITOR PERMANENTLY***

The Tale of the Body Thief: this is considered by most fans (obligatory not ALL) to be the worst book in the series simply for how the subject matter is handled. This is the beginning of AR transforming Lestat into something very existentially disturbing without even meaning to. The sympathetic, charming, evil-but-not-really theater kid Lestat is gone without a trace in a way that could be a very insightful look at the aftermath of trauma but is instead deeply insensitive and really upsetting.

Lestat from here on out becomes a hypermasculine caricature that can do no wrong according to the narrative and this has some pretty awful results. There are a few funny moments (like Lestat describing the sensation of peeing for two full pages) and a very cute arc where he adopts a dog, but he also commits two explicit rapes and emotionally abuses/threatens Louis on several occasions with the authorial justification that "men can't help themselves", abuse victims have it coming for setting boundaries, and people who have suffered abuse become abusers. This will be a recurring theme going forward.

Not related to Lestat, but also an Indian man is killed and has his body stolen and inhabited by a white British man in what would be a great metaphor for colonialism if the author thought that was a bad thing.

I am on the last chapter of a 140,000 word fic that I wrote just because I hate TotBT so much and wanted to create a world where it doesn't have to exist. It's one of the most popular VC fics on ao3, and that's not a testament to my writing ability, but rather to how much people hate this book.

CW: graphic SA; domestic violence; insensitivity to the point of racism; the author thinking these things are okay

Memnoch the Devil: not much to say about this. It's AR's ripoff of Dante's Inferno. Lestat meets the devil, goes to hell, drinks the blood of Jesus Christ, loses an eye, vacuum sucks period blood out of a woman's uterus and pad, and then falls into a five year semi-coma on a church floor. Somehow it's still boring. Best I can say is that the Lestat characterization is a bit less heinous than it is in the previous book.

CW: not much here unless you have an issue with period blood guzzling

The Vampire Armand: truly a notorious book in the series, beloved by some, hated by many. There's some good backstory for the character Armand (he first appears in IWTV, likely in season two of the show) and some fun historical fiction, however. Armand begins his story as a twelve year old human child who is rescued from sex slavery by an ancient vampire, Marius (he was namedropped in AMC ep 2).

Over the course of the book, he's physically, mentally, sexually abused by Marius, his teacher and father figure who is, like David, presented as a wise and moral authorit figure. In addition, Armand carries on a sexual relationship with an adult man as a minor. The sex is graphic (it's erotica) and it's really the peak of the pedophilia in VC. Keep in mind that this is coming from an author who publicly defended a child predator and thought that 14 year old kids could consent and should be allowed to have sex with adults.

Of all the later books, this one is the most widely enjoyed because Marius/Armand is a fairly popular ship.

CW: CSA/grooming; statutory rape; explicit adult/minor content; child abuse; cult abuse

Merrick: evil, evil book. AR's giant fuck you to Louis and anyone who likes his character. Lestat is in his devil coma for most of this book, so it's narrated by his newest fledgling and rape victim, David (who I and most others despise. This is the white guy who has an Indian body now). By this point, AR had openly admitted that she didn't like Louis, and she kind of spends this book tormenting and mocking him for no reason.

The titular Merrick (a mixed-race witch drowned in awful racial connotations) mind controls Louis with magic, then forces him to turn her (again, AR has confirmed that this is vampire rape) and be in a relationship. After this, she conjures a "ghost" that may or may not be Louis and Lestat’s dead daughter who tells Louis she always hated him and blamed him for her death. Completely overcome by grief, without Lestat (coma), and having been raped, Louis attempts suicide.

This event and all his mental health issues up to this point are framed by David as being stupid and weak, the sign of a lesser person who should just go and die because they deserve it. It is worth mentioning yet again that David is framed as being in the right and AR had expressed these opinions herself in the past (ie that mental illness is just weakness and you should be able to get over it).

Another fun thing is that Merrick was groomed by David as a child and he spends most of the book wanting her back and also admitting to other acts of pedophilia. So that's fun and great for a character who's supposed to be a voice of reason and moral center.

0/10, despise this book.

CW: sexual assault; grooming; attempted suicide

Blood & Gold: this is Marius' backstory. It is a completely pointless book because we've already heard it twice by this point in the series (and if you read the companion book Pandora, you'll hear it again). The whole thing reads like a Wikipedia page about ancient Rome. Read it if you want I guess.

CW: Marius

Blackwood Farm: this book had...potential? None of that was ever achieved, but I'll at least say that the concept could be worse. Lestat acquires his FIFTH brunette sadboi love interest of the series in this book, so that's kind of funny. Overall though, any positive qualities are overshadowed by weird prose, a really transphobic caricature, and the fact that the main character has shower sex with the ghost of his dead twin brother

CW: transphobia; sibling incest

Blood Canticle: Miss Rice decided to. Get creative with this book. It is a fandom joke. It is the worst prose in existence. It is a literary manic episode. It is truly indescribable. I'm just going to leave this excerpt from ch 1 here and let you imagine an entire book of this

Yes, chapter one is Anne Rice using Lestat as a proxy to berate her readers for not liking Memnoch the Devil. It's also important to me that you know Lestat calls himself "omnisensual" in this book, tries to become a saint, and tells a woman to put some clothes on because men can't control themselves. The word "chuckle" is also written out in the prose in italics like this is ff.net in 2010. The best thing that came of this book is the famous AR Amazon reviews rant (now a beloved VC fandom copypasta). Please read it. It's transcendent.

CW: psychologically devastating prose

Prince Lestat: this is AR's comeback book, published 12 years after Blood Canticle. It's an improvement, but it's still terrible and very, VERY dumb. Lestat has completed his transformation into a macho man male power fantasy for AR and we end with the establishment of a vampire monarchy with Lestat in charge because he slurped and then puked up the brains of the vampire who had the Special Vampire Essence.

Mostly this was an excuse for AR to kill off a bunch of her weird NPCs that she didn't know what to do with. The good news is we get a very cute, official Loustat love confession and for the first time since the first book in the entire series, we get a chapter that's Louis' POV!! It's like 7 pages long but it's the best we're ever going to get.

Other fun thing that happens: Lestat is hooked up to a hormone IV that allows him to fuck (book vampires can't) and the resident scientist vampire steals his cum and creates a petri dish clone of Lestat that is raised in secret for 18 years before being given to Lestat as his son. No, I'm not joking.

CW: uh, brain eating? Insanely unethical human experimentation?

Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis: batshit crazy book. Truly bonkers. There are aliens, Atlantis is real, Lestat has a sentient brain parasite that controls all vampires and talks to him in his mind like the PS5, vampire brain surgery occurs, a choir of child vampires is there, an alien named Derek breastfeeds a disembodied hand until it grows into his clone named Derek Two, and so much more.

The one positive is that after decades of harassment, AR finally lets Louis be a main character again. By this point he has been completely stripped of his personality (I call it the Louis Lobotomy) and exists solely as Lestat's sexy lamp, but whatever. He's there and they're cute together. How they managed to become a healthy, functional couple overnight after two hundred years of drama is never explained.

Lestat makes out with his rapist and talks about how he was asking for it in a particularly nauseating scene, but otherwise it's pretty tame trigger-wise

CW: rape apologia/victim blaming

Blood Communion: we are finally being put out of our misery. The end of the series. This is such a boring book and Lestat’s characterization is completely nonsensical by now. Several main characters are presumed dead for a while and by this point you don't even care. Not even the other characters in the book seem to care. Its only use is to get that sweet sweet Loustat happy ending.

CW: temporary character death

Alright, that was a lot of shit-talking a book series I literally run a fandom blog and write hundreds of thousands of words of fic for, but the truth is, fans are here for the characters as they were originally created. The first three books are wonderful, the first two completely masterful and case studies in how character building should be done. There's a reason they've been read and analyzed and fawned over for forty years. What happened to the series is heartbreaking, but it doesn't negate the impact of how it started.

AR may have started spelling her own characters' names wrong and writing a baffling combination of disgusting hot takes and total absurdity, but she created something special in the beginning and I'll always love it and be grateful for what it once was.

I hope that was helpful!

#i'm sorry i didn't proofread this it's 4am #answered #vc #the vampire chronicles #iwtv #loustat #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #interview with the vampire

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itachis-eyes · 28 days

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Boruto: Two Blue Vortex: Chapter 8 spoilers without context

#hidari #two blue vortex #boruto two blue vortex #boruto spoilers #boruto: two blue vortex #art

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cinnamongorll · 3 months

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a fragile line - chapter 22

read on ao3 (111k words) | previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC

Tags: extreme slow burn, age gap, older man/younger woman, protective joel, jealous joel, hurt/comfort, pov third person, mutual pining, angst, sexual tension, friends to lovers, canon-typical violence, feral joel, parental abuse, eventual smut.

Series synopsis: three years ago, Juliet escaped her father's religious survivor camp, ending up in the Boston QZ. Juliet created a life for herself in Boston, desperate to forget the trauma of her upbringing. One day, Juliet arrives home to find a mysterious letter which forces her to return to her home town. Juliet can't travel the harsh post-apocalyptic landscape alone, so she enlists the help of the grumpy and, at times, frightening man she works alongside: Joel Miller.

Word count: 7.3k

no context spoiler for this chapter: pride and prejudice mr. darcy hand flex scene ;)

Chapter 22: 'Running Up That Hill'

Juliet's POV:

Juliet ran her finger over the map, tracing the colourful lines on the crinkled paper. The low autumn sun filtered in through the truck windows, tossing golden light onto her trembling hands. Juliet hadn’t stopped shaking since she awoke in the woods two days prior, when she finally regained some sort of lucidity. Luckily, the vibrations from the truck masked the tremble as her whole body shook with the speed of the vehicle. Joel’s driving was always an experience.

They followed a series of bold blue lines to Cody. Joel was adamant that they would find his brother there. Juliet wasn’t so sure. She didn’t much believe in hope anymore.

As they continued down the never ending highway, the surrounding trees began to lessen and, having lost their shadows, the sun started to blind Juliet. She squinted her eyes against the rays and her trembling fingers rose to reach for the sun visor. But as she leaned forward, the muscles in her stomach stretched and her body screamed in pain with the brutal reminder of her burn. Juliet groaned low and her arm instantly returned to her side. Sweat broke out across her forehead as she inhaled deep breaths, attempting to slow her heart rate.

Days had passed but the pain showed no sign of lessening and Juliet was sick of playing the weakling. It was an effort not to make any more noise as pain continued to ripple through her, so she sucked in a silent breath through gritted teeth and waited for the fire in her stomach to dwindle.

One shallow breath later and a hand, still stained with the memory of blood, reached over from its resting position on the wheel and pulled down her visor. Juliet blinked as the sun was shielded from her vision and her eyes cut to the man the hand belonged to. Joel’s stare was unreadable and his eyes dropped to her stomach before returning to her shocked face. “Careful” he murmured, before his gaze latched onto the road again.

Juliet blinked slowly, still shaken by his momentary close proximity. Somehow, no matter how long they went without a shower, Joel always managed to keep his musky scent of pine and smoke. Juliet wanted to bathe in it, let the smell entirely surround her. It reminded her of working in the QZ, side by side with Joel. It reminded her of nights spent sleeping in Bill’s truck or tucked in sleeping bags under the stars. It reminded her of that night in the dark house, her hands still soaked with his blood as she felt the scruff of his jaw scratch against her skin.

Juliet’s hand involuntarily tensed, crinkling the map with her clenched fingers. She began to build that brick wall in her mind again, closing that memory in, desperate to keep it tucked away. Joel had killed her father. He was right, though, he had to do it, her father had to die. But how could she know that and still react the way she did to the memory of his lips on hers? She was sick, deranged even.

Joel was wrong for her. He was too old, too angry, too mean. And yet Juliet was unable to breathe around him; when he brushed against her or held her aching body under the stars. She blinked away that memory too.

Juliet shook her head, desperate to focus on the map in front of her. Joel was relying on her for directions, just as he had throughout their whole journey together. Ethan had attempted to sit shotgun that morning, going so far as to open the door and take the seat. Joel wasn’t having it, though. He had claimed that Ethan couldn’t read a map “for shit” and was determined that Juliet take the seat beside him.

They had argued for a while, until Joel became almost frighteningly silent and Ethan got in the back with a few choice curse words under his breath. Juliet hadn’t realised he’d known those words.

Now, Ethan sat with his arms crossed and his eyes latched firmly on the back of Joel’s head. Juliet snuck a peak behind her, the best she could in her pained state, and Ethan quickly met her eyes with a small smile. She tried to return the gesture but her mouth curved into more of a grimace. Juliet knew that Ethan wasn’t happy with her, that he didn’t like Joel and didn’t want to be stuck in this truck with him. But he had stayed, for her…

Juliet’s chest tightened as her debt to him increased.

They would reach Cody within the next couple hours. Joel was worried about the dark so the plan was to find somewhere to lay low for the night before they began to scope out the town in the morning. Juliet could feel Joel’s anxiety. Somehow, his broad shoulders grew tighter as they closed in on the last place his brother had contacted him from. His regular tapping on the wheel increased at a rapid speed, Juliet didn’t think he was even aware of it.

She was desperate to reach over and enclose her hand over his.

As Joel shifted gears and increased his speed, Juliet allowed her mind to wander. She allowed herself to think about comforting him the way he had comforted her. How would he react to her touch? Would Joel welcome her attention? Or brush her off?

There were so many lines they walked: between smuggler and cargo, friend and acquaintance, accomplice and opponent. Juliet was afraid to bridge the gap, the guilt that lived inside her raged with every thought of Joel’s touch. Ethan was in the backseat, Ethan had saved her, he had suffered for years because of her. She couldn’t do that to him. She couldn’t even visualise Joel returning her feelings. Juliet didn’t even know what those feelings were, but more and more she was struggling to deny that they existed.

…………………………………………………

When they reached Cody, they all sat up a bit straighter. The light was fading fast, but Juliet’s breath caught at the mountains towering over the town. They made her feel small, made everything seem small. The silence was heavy between them and Joel began to tense. Juliet didn’t dare look at his face, she couldn’t bear to see that scrunch of his eyebrows which hinted at danger ahead. They had been through too much, and everything inside her mind was still so blurry. Juliet couldn’t handle another trauma - she could barely remember the last one.

Ethan leaned forward, resting his forearm on the back of Juliet’s seat and pushing the front of his body into the space between Joel and Juliet. Juliet shifted closer to the door to make room for his presence.

“See any demons?” he whispered as the truck slowly moved down the city street.

Joel’s eyes cut to Ethan, a question printed on his face.

“He means the infected,” Juliet murmured as she continued staring straight ahead. Their community didn’t know much about the current blight of the world. Her father had always called them ‘demons’ but never went into detail. Juliet remembered the first time she saw an infected person, stumbling around in a carpark with Blake by her side. She remembered the sound of his gunshot in her ears when it fell to the ground.

Joel didn’t respond, he just tensed his hand on the wheel. Juliet could tell he was entirely focused on their surroundings, scanning every shop window, every corner of every darkening street they passed.

“Looks clear to me,” Ethan announced in a hard voice following the heavy silence, tilting his head towards Juliet. But she wasn’t looking at him. She was scanning the roads like Joel, holding her breath with every passing second. It was almost too quiet in Cody, surely they would have seen at least one infected stumbling around somewhere. Juliet began to curl her fingers into fists, ignoring the pain from her tender palms.

If Tommy wasn’t here, if there was nowhere for them to go… Juliet didn’t know if there was enough room in her soul to house another blow.

Joel slowed the truck to a stop on what looked like a mainstreet. They said nothing for a moment, still waiting, still listening for danger. Sometimes, in the silence, there lay the deadliest of threats.

“We’ll get out,” Joel began his command, before cutting his eyes to Ethan, “Quietly ” he insisted with raised eyebrows. Juliet watched as Ethan rolled his eyes and sank backwards into the back of the truck.

“We don’t know what’s out there, but we gotta find somewhere to stay for the night,” Joel continued. Juliet nodded in response, used to this routine. She felt renewed by this small sense of purpose, this small comfort of familiarity.

For his next instruction, Joel turned in his seat, facing Ethan. “Don’t do anythin’ stupid” he ground out in a low, dark voice, as his eyes narrowed. Juliet attempted to swallow down the tension which lay thick in the air.

After a long moment, Ethan muttered out an agreement then bent forward and began to rifle through his backpack, before pulling out a handgun and making sure it was loaded. They must have cleared out the armoury before leaving the community, because Juliet and Joel had one too, along with two shotguns in the back.

Before she could attempt to lean forward, and aggravate the burn on her stomach, her backpack landed on her lap. Joel leaned over the gear stick, his scent of pine and smoke washing over her, as he began to search through her bag, finding her gun and ammo and depositing them into Juliet’s awaiting hands. When he was done, he moved to his own backpack and did the same.

Tears threatened to fill Juliet’s eyes. The silent gesture from Joel flooded her body with a comforting warmth. Juliet didn’t say thank you, she knew Joel wouldn’t want her to. She just loaded her gun and blinked away her glossy eyes, quietly steeling herself for what the night would bring.

……………………………

They exited the truck as the sky darkened into a vibrant shade of navy blue. Juliet’s legs were stiff and her body felt unusually heavy, her limbs trembled with the chill in the air. The weather had changed rapidly in the last few days, autumn was now truly upon them and Juliet wished for a warmer wardrobe. Joel had found her a new shirt, to replace the one they had to cut open, but the soft flannel wasn’t enough to shield her body from the cold.

Her backpack hung from her hand as Juliet braced herself to swing it over her shoulders, she knew the strain that would have on her stomach. So she took a couple deep breaths and listened to the quiet sounds of Ethan rounding the truck towards her, before biting her lip and begining to lift her arms.

Her backpack had barely moved before a heavy weight landed on her shoulders with a warmth which forced a low groan to instantly release from her lips. She looked down and realised that it was a jacket… Joel’s jacket. The jacket was far too big for her, almost swallowing her down to her knees. Joel stood before her, staring down at her wide eyes and gently took the backpack from her icy hands.

“Joel, no. I can’t take this,” she protested, trying to shrug the jacket from her shoulders.

Joel raised his free hand, silencing her.

“Take it,” he commanded, leaving no room for a returning argument.

She wanted to fight back on this, demand that Joel take his jacket back. But it was so warm and it smelled so much like him, and Juliet was so cold. So, she nodded slowly and pulled her arms through the sleeves, rolling them up so her hands could move freely. When Joel was satisfied, he lifted her bag and threaded her arms through the straps, until it hung securely from her back.

Juliet’s cheeks were burning. She hated that she couldn’t do this for herself, that her injury retrained almost every movement she made. And she hated that Joel saw her like this, as weak and defenceless, as something he had to look after, like a child. Her father had done this to her, he had taken away her dignity and all that was left was a shell of who Juliet once was. She wasn’t a survivor anymore, she was barely a person.

Joel’s eyes scanned her face and Juliet watched as a muscle jumped in his tight jaw. She nodded again, this time to show her gratitude. Joel just looked at her a moment longer and moved away, facing the darkening street in front of them as he sorted his own backpack.

Juliet pulled the jacket tighter around her and turned to find Ethan leaning on the side of the truck, an unreadable expression covered his face. But he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at the jacket now hanging loose on her shivering form. His eyebrows pinched together and he ran his free hand over his mouth, before he tugged the corners of his lips into his signature smile, which didn’t quite reach his eyes, and gestured with a tilt of his head that they should get moving.

Joel walked with his usual quick stride, his heavy steps somehow quiet on the concrete ground. Juliet held her gun steady in her hand, Ethan, who walked beside her, did the same. When Juliet looked closer at Ethan, she noticed his hands were trembling and his shoulders were tight. A sharp bolt of pity fired through her when she remembered that Ethan had no real experience with the outside world. As they walked down this empty street, the masked terror in Ethan’s eyes reminded her of the girl Blake found in the woods all those years ago. She ached to reach out, to offer some comfort, some reassurance for her friend but she needed to keep her wits about her. With every step they took, Juliet grew more and more uneasy. Surely Tommy wasn’t hiding out here? It was too open, too achingly quiet.

Juliet knew that Joel wouldn’t want to go far from the truck so she was unsurprised when his steps slowed outside a building with minimal broken windows and somewhat undisturbed brickwork. He turned to Juliet, tossed his shotgun over his shoulder, and nodded their usual signal for her to keep watch. Her eyes instantly focused on the streets, listening intently for anything amiss as Joel began the work of finding an entry into the building.

Ethan started to pace, holding his gun out in front of him. Even in the near complete darkness, with only the moon to light their surroundings, Juliet could see that Ethan’s eyes had taken on a glaze of wild fear.

“Ethan,” she hissed, trying desperately to get his attention without making much noise.

Ethan’s eyes quickly cut to her but only for a second before they latched back onto the dark street. She tried again, this time moving closer to him. “What’s wrong?” she whispered urgently.

Ethan had stopped pacing. He stood eerily still as he lifted his gun higher. Panic struck Juliet with a fierce blow when she realised that he was aiming at something.

Juliet squinted her eyes, searching through the darkness for the source of Ethan’s terror.

Her breath caught when she spotted it. There. A figure stumbling out from behind a car.

Juliet would recognise those jerky movements anywhere.

An infected.

And Ethan had his gun trained on it. But he didn’t know what the infected were like. He didn't know that if saw one then there were probably hundreds somewhere else, just waiting for a sound to alert them of their presence.

“Ethan, no ” Juliet hissed, reaching her hand towards him.

But it was too late.

Ethan fired the shot and, of course, even in the dark, it landed on its target. Ethan was the one to teach Juliet how to shoot, after all. The infected fell to the ground without a sound, but the gunshot was deafening.

She froze, her hand still outstretched as Joel rushed up to Ethan and pried the gun from his hands.

“What the fuck are you doin’?” Joel demanded, grabbing hold of Ethan’s shoulder with his free hand. Ethan turned to him, his eyes wide.

“I did it,” he gushed, attempting to shrug off Joel’s crushing grip. “I killed one of them.”

“Yeah and lit up a target on our heads. Every infected in the area is gonna follow that sound directly to us,” Joel fumed, doing his best to keep his voice low, but his rage was screaming out of him.

Ethan recoiled, the relief gone. Joel let him tug himself free. “Shit,” Ethan cursed, running his hand through his hair.

“We need to move,” Juliet whispered, searching Joel’s face for instructions.

Before Joel could answer. Before any of them could move. They heard the sound Juliet dreaded with every fibre of her soul.

Gargling. Screeching. Footsteps, pounding on the concrete.

Without a second thought, Joel grabbed Juleit’s arm and pulled her towards the store. Juliet stumbled to the door, her fear weighing her down. She turned and saw, from the distance, a black mass moving at lightning speed, hitting off of abandoned cars and stumbling over each other.

Joel was right. Ethan had led a mass of infected right to them.

Joel pulled against the latch he had just burst open with the handle of his shotgun, pulling the door open and pushing Juliet through. She didn’t have a choice, Joel had moved so quickly she hadn't even had time to protest, to beg for Joel to help Ethan. Within seconds the door was shut and Juliet was alone in the darkness.

She turned to the window, her heart was beating so fast she could hear her blood rushing in her ears. From the foggy glass she could see Joel and Ethan arguing before Joel grabbed hold of Ethan’s shirt and dragged him towards the door. Juliet stumbled back as they entered, Ethan ran straight into her chest, knocking the air out of her. It took everything in Juliet to not scream in pain.

“Watch it,” Joel growled at Ethan.

Ethan had stumbled to the wall and dropped his head into his hands. His fingers were shaking.

“Quick, barricade the door,” Juliet urged, trying her best to bend towards a cabinet but Joel got there first, gently nudging her out the way and pushing the cabinet in front of the door. Juliet moved towards the window, and instantly jumped back at the horror outside the shop.

The infected had descended upon the street. Hundreds stumbling about in the dark, their heads turning at unnatural angles attempting to hear the sounds of their victims. Juliet turned around slowly, her finger glued to her lips.

Joel froze at the sight of her face and moved to the window. They both gazed out, Juliet's shoulder pressed against Joel’s bicep. The muscles in his arm were tense right down to his clenched hand against the windowsill. She could still make out the cuts on his knuckles. The evidence of what he had done for her. Juliet couldn’t let this be the end of his story, when he was so close to finding his brother. Joel deserved peace. He deserved a life without broken knuckles and blood on his hands.

Despite her fuzzy brain and the lightheadedness that had begun to dilute her thoughts. Juliet scrambled to create a plan.

“We keep quiet, keep out of sight tonight. Then, in the morning we can plan a way out of here,” Juliet murmured, glad that Joel stood so close so she didn’t have to speak any louder and risk one of the infected hearing. In the morning light, they would be able to see a way out of this mess.

Joel nodded and his face tilted down towards her. ‘Upstairs’ he mouthed with a jerk of his chin.

Juliet agreed they had to get as far away from the door as possible. Tucked further into the building, they might have a chance of surviving the night.

Ethan still stood pressed against the wall. Juliet gestured to him that they should find their way upstairs and he nodded, finally understanding the gravity of their situation and the need to stay quiet. Juliet would be lying if she said she wasn’t annoyed at this callousness. He should have known better. He should have listened to her, listened to Joel. Juliet wondered if he felt a need to prove himself by killing that infected, to prove that he could survive in this world like she had. Juliet had never known Ethan to be a jealous person, but the years changed people. She knew that more than anyone.

Despite her annoyance, she still brushed her fingers against his hand as she walked past him towards the stairs. Yet, before she could take the first step, Joel tapped her shoulder and raised his hand, asking her to wait. She paused, a question on her lips. Then she watched as Joel reluctantly handed Ethan his gun back. Ethan wrapped his hand around the handle but Joel wouldn’t let go. He held tight even as Ethan pulled against the weapon. Ethan pulled again, harder this time. But Joel held steady.

Just when Juliet was about to step in, Joel grabbed the collar of Ethan’s shirt, pulling him in close. Joel whispered in his ear, words that Juliet was unable to make out. When he was finished, Joel let go and Ethan stumbled back a couple steps, the gun now in his hands. Juliet cringed as Ethan gained his footing, worried he would make a sound by crashing into something.

Joel turned back to her with the slightest hint of satisfaction in his tense expression. Juliet furrowed her eyebrows but allowed Joel to step around her and begin their slow, silent journey up the stairs with his gun raised in one hand and his torch now gripped in the other, lighting their way.

With each step, Joel paused, testing the stability of the steps. Juliet thought back to their time in the museum in Boston, when the entire staircase crumbled beneath them. It felt like a lifetime ago. Back then, Juliet had known exactly where her life would take her. She had a purpose. She had a reason to keep going. Now… Juliet wasn’t exactly sure why she was still putting one foot in front of the other.

She tensed her fingers around the handle of her gun, following Joel’s footsteps as they inched their way up the stairs. Ethan was a few steps behind her, she could hear his quiet breaths.

When Joel reached the stop, Juliet paused, waiting for him to sweep the hallway with his torch. They stayed silent, it still wasn’t safe to make a sound as more infected could be hidden upstairs. After a moment, Joel nodded down at them and Juliet stepped onto the hardwood floor. She had thought this was a store, but she was wrong. It looked more like an office building. If they could find an office at the back and barricade the door, they could stay safe until morning light where they could use the window to plot their way back to the truck.

Juliet eased a slow breath from her lips, finally feeling the weight on her shoulders ease. Just a few more steps, sweep the upstairs, then they could rest. Juliet struggled to stand for too long, her head still ached with the force of her father’s blow, along with the bruising on her ankles. She was ashamed at how weak her father had made her.

Joel walked forward, avoiding a couple crumbling floorboards and pointed his torch into the first room. Juliet was about to signal to Joel that they should split up, sweep the rooms individually then meet back in the hallway. But then she thought of Ethan and his trigger happy tendencies and she restrained herself with a grimace. They should stick together.

Juliet followed Joel into the first room, surprised by the lavish furnishing. It was large, far larger than her father’s office had been. Against the far wall, sat a desk with a leather chair, and as Joel swung around the torch she realised there were two other rooms housed within this deceptively massive space.

Realising Ethan wasn’t behind her, she turned, searching for him in the darkness. Not daring to say his name and disturb the quiet, Juliet walked back towards the door, her steps quickening with her increasing panic. Where was he? What was wrong? Was he hurt?

Every worried thought vanished from Juliet’s head as she crashed to the floor.

With Joel’s torch pointed in the other direction, Juliet hadn’t seen the box on the ground. She hit the hard floor with a piercing cry, landing on her stomach. Juliet had to breathe through the intense pulse of nausea which attacked her.

“Ethan!” she cried, still searching for him, even from her position on the floor.

“Juliet!” Joel bellowed from the far corner of the room, as he ran over towards her.

As Juliet lifted her head, everything went into slow motion.

She could hear Joel’s footsteps thundering towards her, his torchlight bouncing off of the walls. And as the light hit the entryway, she noticed a black crack staining what was left of the white paint above the door. That wasn’t odd, every building was covered in cracks.

This one, however, was growing, rapidly.

“Ethan!” she screamed, not caring anymore who could hear her.

“I'm coming!” he yelled back, it sounded as though he was in a different room.

“No, no, no, no,” Juliet began to murmur, louder and louder, because the crack wasn’t just a crack anymore, it was a gaping hole in the wall. And as Juliet muttered out her final ‘ no’ the ceiling over the entryway came crashing down in a cloud of plaster and brick.

…………………………………

When the ceiling had finished collapsing, leaving only the wooden beams of the attic to protect them from the sky, Joel’s hands finally found her. He gripped Juliet by the shoulders and pulled her to her feet, his breaths heavy in her ear.

“You alright?” he demanded, brushing the white dust off of her face. His eyes were wild as they scanned her from head to toe.

Juliet gripped his arm tight and leaned forward, vomiting at their feet.

It really was like their time in the museum , she thought, grimly.

“Shhh,” Joel murmured, pulling back her knotted strands of dark hair as she continued to spit bile onto the floor.

Juliet couldn’t even feel the embarrassment of the situation. All she could focus on was the pain in her body and the warm touch of Joel’s fingers in her hair.

But as her mind returned to her, fierce panic struck her cold.

“Ethan,” she coughed. “He was in the hallway, Joel. Oh god, what if he’s…” she stuttered, her words spilling out of her. The rubble had sealed them in, she couldn’t see into the hallway at all.

“Etha -” she started to scream, moving to push past Joel. But he was quicker. Joel pulled Juliet to him so her backpack was pressed tight against his chest and he curled his large hand over her mouth. Juliet wriggled against him, trying to free herself from his intense grip.

Then she heard the sound that haunted so many of her nightmares.

Click.

Juliet choked on her breath, thankful for Joel’s hand over her mouth to quiet the sound.

Click.

They heard it again. This time, she could make out which direction it was coming from. The door to their left was left open and she could see a shadow starting to make its way towards the main room. Joel’s torch lay somewhere on the floor behind them, casting dramatic shadows over the room.

Juliet reached her hand out to grip Joel’s. He squeezed back, curling his fingers over her own, squeezing, as he released his other hand from her mouth. Juliet felt Joel slide his hand around to his back pocket and pull out his handgun. Another flood of panic struck her. Her gun flew from her hand when she tripped. It was somewhere on the floor, but without proper lighting, she couldn’t see where.

She needed that gun if she was going to get out of here. Without thinking, Juliet released Joel’s hand and took a step forward… onto a loose floorboard.

First, the wood screeched and groaned and Juliet froze, her entire body pausing mid-step. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited, cursing herself for her own stupidity.

Then came a different screech. A gargling, wet, scream erupted from the other room and the clicker came barreling into the main office space.

Juliet felt Joel grab her by the backpack and swing her around until she stood behind him. He raised his gun, aiming for the clicker’s head, but the shadows were making it difficult and it was getting too close.

Joel slammed into the clicker, still firing shots. Juliet watched in horror, she had no weapons, nothing to help kill the monster in his arms. Her eyes were wide and frantic as she scanned the floor for her gun.

Click.

Juliet’s head turned with a dizzying speed. There it was. Another clicker. It must have been in the back room. And now, it was headed straight for her.

Juliet darted to the side, evading its first attack. But as she moved, she quickly realised that she was backing herself into a wall. A scream crawled its way up her throat and she tried to dart her eyes towards Joel, but there was no time.

The clicker was rapidly approaching, Juliet could smell the decay simmering on its body. If she wasn’t so terrified she would have gagged again. Having no weapons, Juliet did the next best thing: she grabbed the large leather chair and swung it in front of her as the clicker finally caught up to her.

It slammed into the leather and what remained of its teeth snapped at her from behind the chair as its almost claw-like fingers missed her face by an inch. Her terror overpowered her, she didn’t realise it at first, but she was screaming. A fierce, blood curdling scream.

Across the room she heard another shot and the sound of a body hitting the ground. Through a gap in the chair, her eyes caught sight of a clicker on the ground. Dead.

“Jul -” Joel started to shout before he was cut off.

There was another clicker, behind Joel this time. Like Juliet, he was backed into a wall.

Tears started to flood down Juliet’s face as the clicker continued its snarling attack while Juliet crouched in terror. Juliet was beginning to realise that this wasn’t quite like the museum, afterall. Back then, Juliet had a weapon. Back then, Juliet had Joel. Back then, Juliet had a reason to fight.

But what was left for her now? Why was she still fighting against these monsters? She had nothing to protect herself with - what was the point?

Her father was dead. She had saved Ethan, and now he might be dead too. She had no family, nowhere to go. No real reason to go on.

Maybe there was nowhere safe left in the world. Maybe, in every room, in every building, in every city, there was a monster in the closet. Juliet didn’t know if she had the energy to fight them anymore.

She was supposed to die in that basement. She had accepted it.

Maybe now, it was time.

With another sob, Juliet eased her grip on the chair. Her decision washed over her, calming her terror. She’d had enough. She was done.

Still sheltered by the chair, Juliet used her last moment to find Joel. Tears blurred her vision, but she could make out his blurry figure kicking and slashing at the clicker. He was yelling something. Juliet thought it might be her name. But she wasn’t sure.

Without realising, Juliet had regained her grip on the chair, pushing it back against the clicker, stifling its attack. Her body shook with its movements. She continued staring at Joel as her panic returned. As she watched him struggle against the monster, Juliet struggled to catch her breath.

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t watch Joel die. This wasn’t fair. He had to find his brother. He had to live. He still had a reason to go on.

He wasn’t supposed to die.

Juliet couldn’t look away from his quick, sharp movements. He drove his knife into the clicker over and over, with such strength and such fury as he screamed her name.

“Joel!” she yelled back, her voice croaky as his name spilled out of her without warning.

He had a knife.

Wait.

So did she.

Juliet braced herself, pushing with all her strength in her left arm as she freed her right and slid it down into her boot. When she brought it back up to push against the leather chair, between her fingers was her rose carved switchblade.

Her father’s guards hadn’t taken it.

It had been in her boot this whole time.

Juliet screamed with every bit of fury still left in her weary soul and pushed against the chair, knocking the clicker backwards. With the adrenaline pumping through her veins, her pain was no longer a concern, and Juliet leapt to her feet, scrambling over the chair. With one push from her finger, the blade sprung free. The clicker grabbed her shoulder, pulling her towards it, its teeth ready to slash into her neck.

But Juliet was faster. She used the clicker’s momentum to twist her body to the side and drive her knife into its neck. Black, slimy blood splattered across her face but the clicker kept coming at her. Juliet pulled the knife out with a force which almost knocked her backwards. She stumbled but straightened enough to drive the knife towards the clicker’s head, all while dodging its vicious attacks.

She pierced its open skull with her blade.

The clicker slowed but its attack continued.

Juliet pulled back and stabbed into the skull again, as the clicker’s fingers sliced against Joel’s jacket.

This time, the clicker dropped to the ground, releasing its grip on her.

For good measure, Juliet bent down and brought her knife down another few times. Not caring as more blood splattered her face.

“Juliet!” Joel grunted out from across the room.

She twisted, launching to her feet, almost tripping over the first fallen clicker as she ran to Joel.

Near him on the floor, she could see her gun lying where she had dropped it.

She picked it up, moved towards the clicker and fired a shot.

The clicker was propelled backwards with the bullet in its neck and the force from Joel’s kick. But it wasn’t enough, she needed a shot in the head. Juliet put all of her fear, anger and desperation into her next shot.

The clicker stilled on the floor, inky black blood oozing from its many wounds.

The clicker was dead but Juliet’s body was like a live wire. Her fingers shook so hard she thought she might drop her gun.

Her eyes moved from the monster on the floor to the man against the wall. Joel stood with his hands on his knees, breathing heavy.

“Are you okay?” Juliet gasped out as she staggered over to him, tucking her gun into her pocket.

Before she could reach him, Joel closed the gap between them in two strides, grabbing hold of her shoulders. His face was coated in sweat and his eyes were blazing, they were entirely black. Juliet should have been terrified of him. He was the picture of danger and rage. But all she felt was relief. He was alive. He was safe. He was okay.

Joel’s hands moved from her shoulders to her face. His fingers roamed over her forehead, down to her chin, behind her neck, across her collarbone, under his jacket, under her flannel.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” Joel growled as his fingers continued their exploration. Juliet thought he was looking for bites but this felt different. It felt like he was assessing every inch of her, desperately feeling for himself if she was alive, if she was actually standing in front of him.

Juliet did the same, she reached up to his face and cupped her hand over his jaw as her eyes met his. “Do what?” she whispered back. Her body shivered with Joel’s touch. He was unrelenting, his hands roamed everywhere. After a long look into her questioning eyes, his head dropped to her neck and his lips started to roam the delicate skin behind her ear. Juliet couldn’t help the moan that slipped out.

“Make me think you were dead,” Joel replied with a murmur against her neck. Juliet felt his words under her skin, his rough, low, voice sank deeper, and deeper into her body.

“Can’t lose you,” he continued as his hands squeezed her waist. It was like he was in a trance, Juliet could feel his heartbeat pounding against her chest. She felt frenzied, she couldn’t get enough of him. Was this how being alive was supposed to feel?

Joel pulled back until their eyes met again. His black stare melted into her own as his hand left her waist and his thumb brushed over her lips.

“So beautiful,” he said with a low growl which, combined with his southern drawl, made his words almost unintelligible.

But Juliet heard him, and she could read the words written in his deep stare. His thumb brushed back and forth over her lips and warmth flooded Juliet’s entire body.

With a low groan rumbling from his chest, Joel closed the gap between them.

His mouth crashed onto Juliet’s and Joel wasted no time parting her lips. Their kiss wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t nice, it wasn’t gentle. It was hot, messy, and wrong, so wrong. Joel’s fingers gripped the back of her neck, pushing her closer, holding her in place as his mouth claimed her’s. Juliet palmed his chest, reaching under his shirt, gripping his belt, pulling him closer. She needed him with a primal intensity. Colours flashed across her vision as their teeth crashed into each other.

Joel’s chest rumbled with low growls as Juliet attempted to say his name with every quick breath. Her mind echoed over and over: Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel. It was like a chant, a prayer. But she needed more. The hand tucked under his shirt spread around to his back and Juliet scratched her torn nails down his skin. Joel’s tongue invaded her mouth in response as his other hand tugged her hair into his tight grip.

Still, she needed more.

Juliet pushed against Joel until he was pressed against the wall behind them. She couldn’t get enough, her entire body was on fire. Her hands were everywhere, they rounded the front of his shirt this time and then started to descend lower, and lower until her fingers tugged on his belt. She felt his hips thrust as his teeth nipped at her lips and his hand tugged tighter on her hair. Her fingers shook as she struggled against his belt buckle -

“Juliet? Joel?!” a voice called from a distance.

Juliet launched herself from Joel, stumbling backwards as flung herself from his orbit. Joel stood plastered against the wall, his hair a mess and his shirt open, revealing the trail of hair leading into his dark jeans. The place her hand just pressed against.

“Juliet! Can you hear me?”

Ethan.

“Oh god,” Juliet gasped out as she lifted her fingers to her mouth, feeling her swollen lips. What had she done? How could she have forgotten Ethan?

Joel stared down at her, making no move to fix himself. He was waiting to see what she would do, how she would react.

Juliet spun around, finally remembering the devastation around her. There were three dead clickers on the floor and they were sealed in with the debris from the ceiling. Ethan was in the hallway, calling her name. And what was Juliet doing? Kissing Joel. She could barely verbalise those words inside her own head.

It felt so good. Juliet didn’t know she could feel like that. She didn’t know those feelings even existed.

“Juliet” Ethan called again, his voice was desperate, terrified for her.

Her guilt strangled her.

“Ethan!” she yelled, stumbling over to the debris. “I’m here, I’m here.”

Juliet started to pull against the plaster and bricks which blocked their exit and Ethan did the same from the other side. She didn’t dare turn around, she couldn’t bear to see the look on Joel’s face. What could she say to him? She didn’t even understand what just happened. So, Juliet kept pulling against the debris, clearing the way. The adrenaline still numbed the pain but when Joel appeared behind her and started to help, Juliet breathed a sigh of relief.

After a few minutes, they had cleared enough for Ethan to find his way into the room. He scanned the three clickers on the ground and swallowed rough, before meeting Juliet’s eyes.

“That makes four then,” he said.

“You killed one?” Juliet gasped out. That must have been why he disappeared. Had Ethan been battling a clicker this entire time? “Ethan, god. Are you okay?” she asked, moving closer to him. His clothes didn’t look torn and the only mark on him was the black, inky blood of the clickers. Juliet let out a heavy sigh of relief when he nodded.

Then, without warning, he moved forward and pulled Juliet against him. His hand brushed over her hair with such gentleness. Nothing like Joel’s vicious grip. Juliet’s face reddened at the thought.

She opened her eyes as Ethan rubbed her back in soothing circles. He was trying to comfort her, she assumed. But Juliet wasn’t looking for comfort, she didn’t want soft touches and gentle words. Juliet scanned the room for Joel and found him standing against the entryway, his hand flexing over the handle of his gun. His jaw shifted when he met her eyes. They were still black, still staring at her with a fire blazing in them and when he looked at Ethan’s hands, cradled around her, his stare turned lethal.

Juliet bit her lip, and watched as Joel’s eyes followed her movement. His hand gripped his gun tighter.

Ethan pulled away, but continued to rest his hands on her arms. “You’re going to be okay,” he promised her. But Juliet wasn’t listening, her gaze was still focused on the man behind him. The man who would never offer such words of reassurance in this unstable world. Juliet felt remorseful at the thought and made an effort to meet Ethan’s eyes with a small, accepting smile. She didn’t mean to compare them. Ethan was being kind, trying to calm her.

But he didn’t know that Joel’s touch frightened her more than the clickers ever could. He didn’t know that she could still taste him in her mouth. He didn’t know that Juliet liked that fear.

He didn’t know that it was the only thing that made her feel alive.

When Juliet searched for those dark eyes again, they were gone. Joel had turned away, shielding her from the thoughts etched on his face.

Yet as she looked down, she watched his hand flex at his side, almost as though he was shaking off the feeling of her touch.

_________________________

@amyispxnk @shotgun-shelby @http-paprika

#joel miller #joel miller x female oc #joel miller x reader #joel miller x original character #joel miller x oc #joel miller hbo #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #ao3 fanfic #joel miller angst #pedro pascal #tlou #joel tlou #the last of us #tlou hbo #Spotify

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mapoeggplant · 10 months

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skip to loafer chapter 53 // spoilers

the analogy of between a crab and falling in love: what’s hidding in between all the sand that shima hides himself in?

this chapter kinda encapsulates a lot of unresolved plots and bring back things that were discussed before, as a way to, little by little, start to close shima’s arc on understanding his feelings. and, for my happiness (and for a lot of you guys reading me, i supposed), we finally had a confirmation that shima doesn’t quite understand or can’t even separate his feelings inside him, all because of his history with rejection, broken family, and the coldness of the ones around him. the boy, who tries to grasp his sandy feelings, who stubbornly kept slipping between his fingers, is finally dipping his toes in the ocean.

what mukai and shima discussed at the sauna is very important for a lot of things. not only for the present narrative, but for a context in general about how skip to loafer deals with feelings and love. instead of approaching a safe solution and going for the “she was the one who could save him”, takamatsu-senpai chose to go through the more complicated and bumpier road: she started to make her own characters question the idea of romantic love that was shoved down their (and ours) throat since they were born.

is not that shima doesn’t love mitsumi — he just doesn’t understand the concept of romantic feelings or how everything “ends” with it (it was interesting to me how he said “ends”, the never-ending idea that romantic love is the final goal. it never “starts anything; it’s always “the end” of things). for him, everything falls in the same blurry and messed up category and end as easily as it started. however now, after years and years of being shutten down and used for people’s own selfish desires, shima is finally free to think and act for himself. but we don’t learn to swim at the bottom of the ocean: we need to start at the beach.

mukai telling shima that he’s often shutting people down and pushing people away without noticing was there for two main reasons, in my opinion: one, show a little more about mukai himself and his own feelings in relation to shima, a friend that he holds dear and wants to see opening up a little more, warming himself towards others; and two, to make shima start to question “what am i doing to the people that care about me?”. this is a trigger that sensei used to bring back a lot of important moments between shima and mitsumi and connect the dots inside his head. what i didn’t expect was that she would such beautiful analogy: a crab.

by swimming around their past, shima starts to ask himself: how does mitsumi feels about me. it’s funny how, even after all that conversation with mukai, he didn’t start with the obvious and questioned himself. he was thinking about her — about the other. what brough him back to his own heart was the girl herself, without both even realizing it.

grabbing the crab in the middle of it is the safest option. you’re protecting yourself of a possibility of being hurt and are able to maintain a safe distance from all the dangerous attributes of the crab. by always staying in the middle of his own feelings and never really going for the claws of his own mind, shima maintained his safety and “never got hurt” (and here i strictly mean hurt by his own ghosts, who he tried to deny instead of facing it). i mean, if he doesn’t move, they won’t be able to attack him. if he stays protected, there won’t be a necessity of changing what you know so well.

but…there’s always a first time, right? and i don’t mean this only for the act of holding a crab: this might be shima’s not only first time doing so, but also the first time he ever felt something different for someone — something more. something he never met before.

and mitsumi, on the other hand, appear serene on his eyes. she did have her first time already — and was bitten by the crab. she was the one who put herself out there and risked being hurt. and, unfortunately, he was the one who made this happen.

by shima’s reaction (the full-on blush), it’s easy to interpretate that he had some kind of realization and that…well...yeah it involves the crab. and mukai. and mitsumi. and the beach. and the ocean. and the sand, that he could never grasp before. what did he realize? he himself isn’t sure, as he tells mukai (“how was the crab?” “i don’t know). and, well, how can someone who has never seen a crab be so sure that what they are seeing is, in fact, a crab?

sensei made it clear, with all the words, with mukai being a sensei for a day: shima is, for the first time in his life, having to deal with a feeling that’s completely new and scary for him. romantic love isn’t easy. for a kid who grew watching his own understanding of romantic love (his parents) be so broken and twisted, romantic love is something that can only cause harm. so no, it’s not that he doesn’t understand love per se: he just doesn’t know how to approach it within himself. it’s up to him, now, if he's going to sing his hands in the sand and find the answer for all the questions he’s dealing with.

as for my last words, what i want to remind everyone: no, it won’t be resolved so fast. not next chapter and, maybe, nor the next. i mean, why should it be? love, be it platonic or not, isn’t something to be forced out of someone. it’s something that requires more than a simple “yes or no”, something that doesn’t grow overnight. none of them are wrong. mitsumi never imposed something on him, she only did what her heart told her to do. shima never wanted to hurt her in some way — in fact, this is one of his biggest fears, up to now. they both are trying to understand themselves, the world, and the universe. they are in the apices of their teenage years, in the apices of committing mistakes for dumb reasons and for sealing peace with simplicity. they all have lot of different crabs with lot of different meanings hiding inside their particular beaches. it’s up to them if they are going to start digging it or not.

and, as always, thank you thank you so much for reading what i have to say and my crazy rambling. i hope that we can now start a great discussion about it 💛 oh and people!! don't be afraid of talking to your crab — sometimes they know more bout us than ourselves 🦀

🌻 this analyze was originally posted on my twitter

#skip to loafer #skip and loafer #skip to loafer chapter 53 #this analyze feels like all my other analyzed compacted in one iofjasifja #i will never stop studying these kids #specially shima #shima I love you sm #as your mother I'm very proud #duckmetas

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yuzukahachimir · 6 months

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SxF CHAP 88 SPOILER ALERT

Without context, without reading the manga and if you are in Becky's mind you could think these two have a confession chapter.

#spy x family #sxf chapter 88 #spy x family chapter 88 #spy x family damian #damian desmond #spy x family anya #anya forger

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overshelter · 5 months

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A very simple explanation of why SV, The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System, doesn't contain Noncon or any of that shit

WARNING: It's full of SPOILERS, so CAUTION!

I decided to come and waste my time making this thread/post because I've seen a lot of discussions about it. I'm even doing it in English and not in my official language for the simple reason that I've seen more foreigners talking about it than Brazilians.

Well, let's start by making something clear. SV is a BIG, HUGE, SCANDALOUS satire on novels with harem in which EVERYTHING can be solved with SEX.

Did we get that point? Good.

Moving on.

SV, for having this as a central point, often brings criticism and scenes that prove it. I could easily take several, but at the moment I only have the novel in Portuguese with me, and I'm not going to go after the English version just for a thread/post. So you can go and get it for me if you think I'm talking shit. We'll discuss it if necessary.

Back to the point... These parts are scattered throughout the reading and are easily found if you just pay the slightest bit of attention.

Now, you might be asking yourself: "Why the fuck is this crazy woman bringing up all this talk?"

Context, my dear. Context.

Context to talk about the problem I've been seeing: the issue of noncon, lack of consent and 500 other issues.

It's been said that Shen Qingqiu says no and asks Binghe to stop at various points in the novel. And, indeed, he does.

Only he does it at moments that don't involve ANY, I REPEAT, ANY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP! In fact, if you go back and read it again, and if I'm not remembering wrongly, in their first kiss, he pushes Binghe away and Binghe himself doesn't insist, he just complains a bit, saying that it was unfair that he couldn't do something like that even in a dream. In other words, he basically RESPECTED and didn't FORCE Shen!

Another part to comment on is that, most of the times when Shen scolds or pushes Binghe away, these are times when they are fighting like two primary school children. Their actions, words and everything else carry an incredible childishness.

That scene of them fighting in the demon realm shortly after Binghe finds out that Shen is alive is one of them. (bonus: in it we also have the narrative of Shen UNILATERALLY hitting Binghe, and at NO point does he hit back. He just threatens, trying to scare, but always without actually doing anything.)

The second kiss I honestly don't remember very well when it happened, but I do know that Shen didn't say no or even push Binghe away completely. I vaguely remember him scolding a little, but not explicitly denying it. Which, in my opinion, shows that he himself was perhaps confused by this possible new dynamic in their relationship and was a little afraid of how such uncertain feelings could end up affecting them both.

Now let's move on to the central point: Maigu Mountain.

My novelistic trauma and also SV's most suffocating chapters, where you see just how human, broken and entirely unstable Binghe is. Both thanks to his own mind and Xin Mo's corruption.

The whole Maigu Mountain scene is made to be uncomfortable. It's not supposed to be something nice, something memorable or even enjoyable, whether for Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu or anyone reading.

This scene is the pinnacle of satire and criticism, making it clear how unrealistic it is to expect sex to magically solve all problems. But the important thing here is the fact that Shen Qingqiu KNEW what was going to happen and was WILLING to go through it. Only because he BELIEVED it would work and also because the system pushed the whole situation in that direction.

And please don't even bring Luo Binghe into this discussion. He is one of the biggest victims in this scene. He has NO conscience whatsoever and is completely screwed up and lost in Xin Mo's corruption, even going so far as to ask Shen why he didn't kill him, drive him away or something. In fact, he was completely willing to die, both because of this and because he thought Shen would sacrifice himself for him again.

Apart from that, we also have an extra where the author brings back The Resentments of Spring Mountain and the fanfiction made by the three sisters, making BingQiu read it and bringing us a scene where Luo Binghe himself and Shen Qingqiu themselves read it and say that it's TOTALLY OOC and impossible for Luo Binghe to force Shen Qingqiu to have sex with him. Luo Binghe even makes it clear that he would walk away or kill himself at any sign of discomfort or denial that Shen Qingqiu showed, in whatever form it came.

So, in short... NO NONCON IN SV, RAPE OR ANY OF THAT SHIT! LUO BINGHE IS A CHUNNY WITH TRAUMA AND A BEAUTIFUL CRYING LADY! NOTHING BUT THAT!

I believe we're clear? (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

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offtorivendell · 8 months

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Elain's engagement ring may be Made; a theory 💍

Does it mean she is a witch? What about Nesta?

🌸 Elain Archeron Week 2023, Day 1 - Seer/Powers

Please don't screenshot or share this post without credit.

Disclaimer: this theory is a bit all over the shop, sort of like my life right now. The textual evidence might be a bit sparser than usual, sorry. 🫠

Spoilers: the ACOTAR, CC and TOG series to date (2023).

This theory probably wouldn't exist without the lovely @123moiaussi, who messaged me after I posted this theory suggesting that Elain may have Made the necklace that Azriel gave her on Winter Solstice in ACOSF. She wondered if Elain had possibly Made her engagement ring, in addition to/instead of her necklace - which is a solid theory and could definitely still pan out! - but a little later I had a thought; what if the Cauldron already Made Elain's engagement ring when she became High Fae?

She was wearing it when she went in, so why not?

It would then parallel other Cauldron Made items, such as Gwydion - and very likely Truth-Teller, if it is fully confirmed to be Made in a future book - which was dipped into the Cauldron by the High Priestess Oleanna. Metal (and pearl) goes into the Cauldron (in this case iron, not meteorite, which could always make a difference in how it reacts to the Void within) and, hypothetically, comes out imbued with the Cauldron's own magic.

Elain's refusal to give the pearl and iron ring back to Graysen then makes a lot of sense in this new context, beyond her understandably grieving the end of their relationship - could a human even hold it and survive? - as she may hear it calling to her, singing to its kin, as I often wonder if she hears Truth-Teller, and possibly even Azriel's "beautiful" siphons (as Bryce from CC hears a certain sword, one of many parallels that exist between the two).

Rhys winked at her. Feyre rolled her eyes. But then she said to Nesta, “Elain will need time to dust off her powers to try to See the Trove. But you, Nesta … You could scry again.” Rhys added, “As swiftly as possible. Time is not our ally.” - ACOSF, chapter 21

When Rhys spoke of Elain needing time* to "dust off" her powers, it sounds like he's referring to an item. Her ring? What might it do? And how?

* As an aside, the wording in this passage is strange. "Time is not our ally" made me look twice this time around. Could Rhys unknowingly be referring to a god of time, similar to Chronos or Aion? From whom Elain may need help with her powers? Both are associated with cyclical time, which brings me straight back to my theory that Elain may need to collect the Ouroboros from the Bone Carver's Prison cell to Look further than she has before, or to even use it as a portal.

There's no confirmation that Elain still wears her old engagement ring either way, at least not since Feyre remarked on it in ACOWAR. Has Elain put it away somewhere safe, possibly not knowing that she is drawn to it, finding herself unable to part with it even though she has moved on from Graysen by ACOSF, as demonstrated by the following quote:

Elain cocked her head. Didn’t dissolve into the crying mess she usually became when Graysen came up. - ACOSF, chapter 17

Or has the hypothetically Made ring glamoured itself such that it is forgotten, as Made items are able to do, and that's why nobody has mentioned it in two books even though she still wears it? But I digress; if it is now a Made item, what might Elain's engagement ring be able to do?

Trove of Dreams

I mentioned earlier that I have previously theorised that Elain could have Made her rose necklace on that emotionally tumultuous winter solstice night in ACOSF, a book in which Nesta Made her own trio of weapons: sword, greatsword and dagger. Now of course, there is still the distinct possibility that her necklace will go the way of Cassian's Sidra-bound ACOFAS solstice gift to Nesta and barely rate a mention in the next book, but there's also a chance that it's Made (or even came to her with powers already instilled in it, like the knives and necklaces that exist in the catacombs under the Hewn City).

So, to mirror Nesta's Trove of Nightmares, what if Elain will Make a Trove of Dreams? What would such a trove even entail? A rose necklace, possibly a pearl engagement ring*, and another item or two that she'll Make in her own book? Such as:

A staff, to parallel Iris, the messenger of the gods (and provide defence if required).

A ring of light, possibly acting as an external power source or for protection against vengeful Beings; perhaps, as @ladynightcourt reminded me, like Silba's ring protected against the Valg in TOG? Rhys did say that females preferred gold or silver to iron. Maybe that offhand remark contained some hidden depth.

A cuff, spindle, or something else entirely? I'm eyeing her baked goods, ear plugs and possibly some homegrown medicinal powders...

* There's a good chance that a ring Made by being dipped into the Cauldron will be a little different than one Made directly by an elemental faerie, so it may not count as part of Elain's own trove.

Many of us suspect that Elain will search for the illusive fourth part of the Dread Trove, the item that Lanthys showed to Nesta as a bit of age worn bone, half shrouded in shadows. Could pearl be mistaken for age worn bone? Unlikely, but worth a mention. I do think it's tricky, though, as there are multiple ancient Troves appearing, and the Dread Trove is only one of them. Gwydion (aka the Starsword), Truth-Teller and possibly Narben seem to be another trove, though maybe not Made in quite the same way as the Dread Trove (ie. dipped in the Cauldron vs imbued with power by a more elemental faerie).

Protection

We all know that I suspect Koschei* might have used the Cauldron to give Elain a bonus mate bond after orchestrating with Jurian to shoot Azriel with a poisoned ash arrow. And we know that the Cauldron has a dark maker, who made the Book of Breathings. Could there be a light maker, and is this hypothetical being working for or against Koschei? Are they the Mother (and maybe Urd)?

* I really think that Koschei could need Azriel out of the way, and needs Elain as a stand in for the Mother, or someone else important, somehow, in order to work some massive spell.

Could they have gifted Elain her Sight, or any other powers, and even put a little something special in her engagement ring. Something that would provide protection*, as Silba's ring did against the Valg in Erilea? The latter is less likely for an iron ring, but still plausible.

I've said before that I'd love to see the Archeron sisters create their own version of Midgard's Archesian Amulets, with one ring made from each of their magics to protect their loved ones and hide them from danger, and that still stands. This post goes into more about the rose necklace providing protection, if you're interested.

* Unless Koschei, or whoever orchestrated the Making of Elain and Nesta, stored something they needed to access in the ring instead, to free it from the Cauldron's grasp and make it available to them?

Witchcraft

One of the first thoughts that came to me almost two years ago, upon wondering what purpose a Made ring would serve Elain, was the possibility that it could be a focus for her power, something to tether or ground her while she was wandering the murky realm. This is backed up by the witches' use of iron throughout the TOG series, which @wingedblooms has discussed in many of her witchy posts, and I'll mention a little later on.

Could the pearl ring be Elain's focus, and ground her? Or might it function as a siphon or invoking stone does? Given she rubs the ring, I wouldn't be surprised if it helped her focus her being, or control her magic.

Some witches in ACOTAR are said to be able to amass powers beyond their natural capacity.

Nesta drifted toward the desk, the maps atop it. “What is the difference,” she asked none of us in particular, “between a faerie and a witch?” “Witches amass power beyond their natural reserve,” Mor answered with sudden seriousness. “They use spells and archaic tools to harness more power to them than the Cauldron allotted—and use it for whatever they desire, good or ill.” Elain silently surveyed the tent, head tipping back. - ACOWAR, chapter 51

Could the ring "harness" her to an external reserve of powers?

Could this reserve of powers even be the Cauldron itself?

Could the ring provide Elain a living bond to the Cauldron, such as the one Feyre had while she touched it during the battle in ACOWAR, when she witnessed Elain assassinate the King of Hybern?

Iron

In SJM's TOG series, we witnessed iron's ability to both block someone's access to their own magic and provide a grounding point to the witches, who might have otherwise been pulled away from their world. The leader, it was said, was so powerful that she required iron and pain to tether her to their realm. In the same passage, we learnt that pain was a gateway to the divine, which I have theorised may be behind Elain's glove-free gardening habits.

Legend had it that all witches had been gifted by the Three-Faced Goddess with iron teeth and nails to keep them anchored to this world when magic threatened to pull them away. The iron crown, supposedly, was proof that the magic in the Blueblood line ran so strong that their leader needed more—needed iron and pain—to keep her tethered in this realm. Nonsense. Especially when magic had been gone these past ten years. But Manon had heard rumors of the rituals the Bluebloods did in their forests and caves, rituals in which pain was the gateway to magic, to opening their senses. Oracles, mystics, zealots. - HOF, chapter 12

In Seers, Blindfolds and Bloodbane, I posited that Elain - like the Seers in Erilea once did - may be able to open portals to See spirits from other worlds by imbibing in certain hallucinogens (possibly with experiencing pain), and we know from Feyre that witchberries exist in the Spring Court (ACOTAR). Witches, who in HOF were associated with Oracles, mystics and zealots. Elain is 2/3 of those so far, and being the only sister to take an interest in faerie religious customs, she's possibly closing in on the third. But I'm getting off track. If Elain - whose powers have been linked to the same void/murky realm as Azriel's, through which Bryce was yanked to Prythian - has witch-like abilities, then surely she will need something to keep her grounded in her body in Prythian while she traverses the murky realm, searching for visions and possibly help. Especially if Truth-Teller helps her to go further than before, breaking through mist and shadow.

Could the iron engagement ring keep Elain tethered to the realm in which her body/Prythian exists, when her waking dreams threaten to pull her away into the murky realm? Was this why Elain was constantly fiddling with it in ACOWAR, before she learnt how to block her visions with light?

Tharion eyed the bare-bones wooden hallway as he and Flynn strode down the worn planks, aiming for a round door at its far end. It looked like the entry to a vault, solid iron that didn’t reflect the dim firstlights. They’d been halted at the first door by the Viper Queen’s guards. Flynn had snarled at them, but the males had ignored him, their drug-hazed eyes unblinking as they radioed their leader. That Tharion knew of this door at all told her guards he was important enough to warrant a call. - HOSAB, chapter 64

In CC2/HOSAB, we learnt that the Viper Queen had a vault made from solid iron, guarded by males with "drug-hazed eyes"... which sounds too much like a coincidence to actually be one. However, the more relevant point to note here is that the solid iron didn't reflect the dim firstlight (donation of a faerie's soul magic made when taking The Drop). Does this mean that iron absorbs firstlight/magic, rather than reflecting it? Is this how iron functioned to block magic wielders in TOG from accessing their magic when worn?

Could an iron ring function to absorb and hold a charge of power, like the one Prythian witches were known to create?

Following on, we know the Cauldron is made from a dark iron, and it very likely contains the Void. The Book of Breathings considers the Cauldron to be its home. Additionally, Elain fiddled with her pearl and iron ring* constantly in ACOWAR (I've wondered if it was singing out to her, but maybe it has more than one purpose). Does the ring now see the Cauldron as its home, too? Would Elain, and maybe Nesta?

* Azriel's shadows have been described as "rings of darkness" around his fingers, which could tie him into this plot?

In addition to potentially providing a living bond to the Cauldron as I mentioned above - and wouldn't it be absolute crazy if the ring itself was somehow made from the same iron source as the Cauldron, only passed down through human lines rather than Fae - what if Elain's iron ring is a backdoor of sorts that she can use to channel or even control it? Conduits are an increasingly common theme among SJM's work - and I've been harping on for years now that Elain's Sight might be due to her ability to act as a conduit for at least one god/goddess.

If Elain's engagement ring did come from the same iron source as the Cauldron itself, could it act like the One Ring in The Lord of the Rings, controlling the other Cauldron-Made items?

In addition to (hypothetically) allowing Elain to become a conduit for the Void inside the Cauldron, what if Elain's iron ring being Made permitted her to track it easily? "Like calls to like," Made objects Singing to their kin and all that. This could make it a possible target for theft.

Circling back to iron's ability to both dampen magic and ground witches in TOG, I wonder if both stem from the same function; ie. that the grounding of witches in their physical realm is done by dampening their specific type of magic, or their access to it. And considering ACOTAR, where the humans have believed - falsely, apparently - for centuries that iron will protect against the Fae… maybe this was intentionally spread misinformation, and done to convince humans to wear iron in order to block their magic. That would achieve an easier to control populace, all thanks to a little lie. This would mean that - if @wingedblooms, @silverlinedeyes and I are right about the Archeron sisters being descended, albeit distantly, from the Starborn fae - Nesta* and Elain were actually being contained by wearing their iron bracelets. I wonder what effect, if any, that may have had on their mental wellbeing? It could explain why Feyre was considered wild, even.

Could this mean that Elain's ring functions as a tether because it dampens her ability to access the murky realm?

Alternatively, does the iron ring contain the power that the pearl may have absorbed from the Cauldron's endless Void?

Another absolutely cracked theory is that it turns Elain into a walking embodiment of the Cauldron when she accesses the murky realm while wearing the ring, when she is physically contained by the iron. Void inside iron, like the Cauldron.

* Nesta having a Trove of Nightmares should count as an amassed external power source, imo, which also fits the definition of witch.

Pearl

Pearls are said to be associated with water, the moon, healing, honesty and integrity. Apparently they are also useful to centre and calm one's self.

This makes them sound perfect for use in a magical object that is used to ground or tether a Seer while she sails the Void.

Mother of Pearl (which isn't included in Elain's engagement ring, but is worth a mention) is even said to have protective properties, and be able to heighten intuition and psychic sensitivity.

Due to their ties to the moon and moon magic, pearls are said to be both a representation of the moon and linked to Selene and Luna - goddesses that embody the full moon. Apparently they can be made into pearl essences, and can be charged with intent.

Her gaze shifted to the carved wooden rose she'd placed upon the mantel, half-hidden in the shadows beside a figurine of a supple-bodied female, her upraised arms clasping a full moon between them. Some sort of primal goddess-perhaps even the Mother herself. Nesta hadn't let herself dwell on why she'd felt the need to set the rose there. Why she hadn't just thrown it in a drawer. - ACOSF

This sounds like a certain effigy next to which Nesta placed the dark wooden rose that Papa Archeron carved for Elain.

The name Selene is linked with Helena, which is a derivative of Elain.

Charged with intent sounds almost exactly like an object being Made. I am desperate to know what Elain experiencedbin the Cauldron, as that may affect the essence that the pearl hypothetically took on.

Pearls are said to be appropriate offerings to spirits, goddesses, and the sea.

"What are you looking at?" I asked Elain, keeping my voice soft. Casual. Her face was wan, her lips bloodless. But they moved barely-as she said, "I can see so very far now. All the way to the sea." - ACOWAR

We know from Amren that Narben was thrown into the sea; maybe a trade will be necessary.

Pearls are said to be useful with transformation magic and associated with wisdom.

I hope we can all remember this brilliant post by @wingedblooms, and note the evidence that suggests Elain may shift.

Mor said, back in ACOWAR, that Elain was wise.

Pearls are sacred to Aphrodite, and can be used in love magic.

Sounds appropriate for someone who may or may not end up Making her own mating bond.

There are a lot of possible uses for a magical ring, whether or not it is Cauldron Made, and I can't wait to see what happens with it!

Thanks for reading!

@elainarcheronweek

#elain archeron #elain archeron theory #elain #pro elain #elain's powers #seer elain #witchy elain #elainarcheronweek2023 #elain archeron week 2023 #elainweek2023 #elain week 2023 #elain week seer #acotar #sjm #acotar cc tog crossover theory #elain's ring #hosab spoilers #acotar theory

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 6 months

Text

I read Clementine Book Two so that you didn't have to: an in-depth review from a fan of the Telltale games.

Rating: 2.5/5

Spoiler free review: While better than Book One, it’s still not great.

“When is it safe to fall in love? After another brush with death, Clementine and her new friends are rescued by an island community led by an enigmatic doctor named Miss Morro. But, just as Clementine’s scars are finally beginning to heal, the safety of the island is called into question and Olivia reveals a shocking secret. With her world falling apart, Clementine must choose—keep running… or dig in and fight?”

Some things are improved with Book Two, and some things are worse.

The art style looks nicer, particularly with the establishing shots and environments. It’s cleaner without losing the grunge that comes with a post-apocalypse. The characters look better, even though they still sometimes have potato heads. Once again I wish this was done in color because I know how great Tillie Walden is with her coloring, but this is the walking dead and color would be too hopeful, I guess.

The pacing is better, but still not good. I had an issue with pacing in Book One where it dragged, then it gave me whiplash in the last few chapters. It was all over the place. This feels smoother, yet it’s the same issue as before: chapter seven feels like whiplash as everything spirals, then we go into a slower ending.

The dialogue is still awkward in a lot of areas; sometimes it tries to be whimsical, which is something prominent in Tillie Walden’s other works where it lands, but here in this setting it feels cheesy and unnatural.

There are a lot of flaws with Clementine’s writing, though, but that’s a given when you’ve played the games. If you haven’t and you don’t have context for her established character there, then I think this will feel like a natural progression from Book One.

The new cast is likable, but I have a few issues with Miss Morro’s role in the story. Olivia gets some much-needed development, but not all of it necessarily for the best.

The romance between Clementine and Ricca progresses, taking up more of the spotlight than it did in Book One. I went into Book Two with an open mind about clemricca. I can set aside my bias for clouis, I can tuck violentine, gabentine, and any other Clementine ship away to give clemricca a chance to show me it’s a good relationship. Except I don’t think it is. I have a lot of problems with it.

As for the actual plot, I enjoyed the island setting and the community, but it feels like a massively missed opportunity. The ending is… a lot.

My full detailed review is below. I give a quick recap of Book One and spoil everything for Book Two.

A Quick Recap of Book One

You can read my full review of Book One here, but to summarize:

Clementine left Ericson because she was unhappy. She felt like a liability to the group, so she’s traveling on her own when she comes across a group of Amish survivors. While there, a doctor treats her leg and gives her a new prosthetic, as well as some other supplies. Out on the road again, she meets Amos, an Amish boy set out on his Rumspringa to help build houses in the mountain in exchange for a ride in a plane.

Clementine and Amos become buddies by the time they make it to the mountain. There they encounter the twins, Georgia and Olivia, and Ricca, another survivor looking to help with this building project. Clementine decides to stay and help, too, since she’s untrusting of the twins and wants to look after Amos. They build in terrible, snowy conditions. Clementine, Amos, and Ricca form a little friend group all while Amos and Olivia grow close… apparently, it’s barely a thing but it’s important to know.

Clementine and Ricca also grow pretty close. Ricca confides in Clementine that her vision is worsening, and she fears she may not find another pair of glasses that work for her. She has some past trauma with her sight given her brother broke her glasses so that she had no choice but to rely on him, and once she found a new pair, abandoned him to set off on her own.

When Ricca falls into a pit on a trip to get a generator, Clementine reveals that she named her new leg Kenny. Ricca climbs up out of the pit and promises to look for help, but Clementine decides to explore and gets surrounded by walkers. Luckily, she’s saved by a man named Tim, who gets bitten. Tim gives her some encouragement about building a better world, and she leaves before he can turn.

Georgia and Olivia get into a fight, but everything else seems well and good: they got the lift working with the generator, and Olivia tells Clementine that she plans to leave with Amos. But then Georgia pushes Amos off a cliff, and then tries to kill Clementine and Ricca.

From there, everything goes to shit and they manage to overpower Georgia. With her and Amos gone, that leaves Clementine, Ricca, and Olivia as the survivors. They go back to Olivia’s place and it’s revealed that her mom was actually a walker this entire time and building the houses was pretty pointless. Good thing Olivia knows how to fly a plane, though—the three escape via plane. That leads us into Book Two.

The Plot: I'm on an island of grief, surrounded by an ocean of disappointment

Before I dive into individual characters, the romance, and other thoughts, I want to go over everything that actually happens in this book.

We pick up only weeks after the events of Book One; Clementine, Ricca, Olivia, and their cat, Dr Barnwell, survive crashing the plane they took... somehow. From what I can tell, there were no injuries due to that so props to Olivia for not only knowing how to fly a plane, but crash land it good enough to not die.

They've landed somewhere in Canada, which is where Ricca's originally from. The three girls and their cat are on what looks to be a roof, talking about how they need to get to the coast since Clementine feels they're getting closer to something. Then we get the first inklings of romance in the air with Clementine being a little optimistic, and Olivia telling Ricca it's because of her.

This leads into the section of pages that was teased prior to release. They're going over their multiplications when they see a rabbit. Ricca chases after it because of course you want to send the person with the worst eyesight to catch dinner, but I suppose if she didn't go, then Clementine and Olivia couldn't talk about how not okay Olivia is.

Which makes sense; her twin sister, Georgia, murdered Amos, her... boyfriend? Honestly I don't know if we can even call him that, the Amos and Olivia "relationship" in Book One was underdeveloped and practically non-existent... yet it has great consequences that we'll get into... oh boy, will we get into it, ugh.

But Olivia's feeling like the screw up of the group; she's worried that she'll ruin Clementine's plans; "I'm bad luck. I'll... just hold you two back." / "Georgia and Amos are dead. I keep waiting for them to be next to me when I wake up, but every morning they're not there. There's no place in the world that will make that feel okay."

Clementine has no time to comfort her as Ricca's lost the rabbit to a herd of walkers that chases them into this little shack. They grab a walker and begin smearing its guts all over themselves.

The manage to escape. It's raining as they try surviving off dandelions and acorns, and they're out of willow bark, which is the stuff Rabby gave Clementine in Book One to help with pain. "Kenny" has felt so uncomfortable since the plane ride, and I've been uncomfortable ever since Clementine decided to name her prosthetic after Kenny, of all people.

But never mind that, it's time for Clementine and Ricca to share a moment in the rain. On top of her leg hurting and Olivia struggling, Ricca's eyesight is getting worse.

And then Olivia gets grabbed by a couple of men. They demand that Clementine and Ricca drop their weapons, and Olivia asks them to not hand over the hatchet since it belonged to Tim... this is the last mention we ever get of Tim.

And they get away from them super easily.

These men never come back and have zero impact on the story.

Our three protagonists take refuge in an abandoned home where we see them bandaging their wounds. And this is where cheesy dialogue that might sound better in another work sounds less great here:

Ricca: Why is every day so hard? Clementine: It won't be like this forever. Ricca: The world might not give us a choice, Clem. Clementine: Then I'll change the world.

...Right. Also, take note that Clementine and Ricca's hands are touching. The build up of the romance isn't terrible, honestly... I just wish the actual couple wasn't Clementine and Ricca, but I'll get more into that later.

They're getting closer to the ocean when they hear other survivors above them... and just like that, Clementine's feverish. She can't get up from the ground, her leg looks terrible, and she starts blacking out. It's jarring how out of nowhere she's suddenly in terrible condition. I think we're to assume that the lack of rest, being stuck in the rain, and being covered in walker guts made her condition decline, but when you realize just how bad it is... it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Ricca and Olivia do their best to carry her. Ricca begins singing a Jewish song about angels, and they make it to the beach. There's a boat in the distance that they have to flag down if there's any hope in Clementine surviving.

This is very dumb on their part. Olivia just runs into the ocean screaming, Ricca goes to help, and they leave Clementine on the beach with the cat... bad idea.

And we get our first dream sequence.

When I said I wanted Amos back, I meant that I wanted a big reveal that he survived the fall and was back for revenge, but nope! In Book One, we had Lee showing up in these bits, but he doesn't make any appearance in this book. Neither does AJ.

My extreme disappointment aside, Ricca and Olivia scream at the boat for help. But the waves are strong, and Clementine ends up swept into the ocean... dreadful sorry, Clementine. Who could've seen this coming?

Don't fear, though, she gets grabbed and pulled into the boat... and we fast forward to a month later. Yes, really.

Clementine wakes up in a new room, a comfortable bed, with a lovely view of the cliffside and ocean. She's been in a coma for a month... a month! Olivia's been feeding her and changing her bedsheets the entire time which... I don't think that's how that works?? You can't just spoon feed someone who is in a coma? You need feeding tubes? Which she wasn't connected to any! And with the way Morro explains her condition later, by all accounts, Clementine should be dead!

But why did she black out and fall into a coma, you ask? Her leg had a massive infection. I guess she wasn't cleaning it properly.

Whatever, Clementine still maintains her protagonist powers, so she's awake and well. Suspension of disbelief, y'know.

They're in this place that isn't actually given a name. It's made up of five little islands that almost connect, but they only use one. They farm, compost, build; every week there's a list of chores that everyone signs up for, they all have their own little houses and areas. They don't have to worry about walkers too much, other than when they wash up on shore from the water. It's a pretty damn nice set up... sure hope nothing bad happens to it.

Olivia's happy to see Clementine when she wakes, but they can't get Kenny back on. Clementine's rolled out of the house in a wheelchair to go to a birthday party. At this party, Clementine and Ricca reunite with a hug, and we're introduced to our new group of eight survivors:

Emi - She picked Clementine, Ricca, and Olivia up in her boat as she's the only one not afraid to go out on the water and fish. John - Morro's son. He does a lot of work on the island, like building walls and taking care of the cow. Amir - A young boy who lost his arm when he was bitten by a dog and his father didn't believe him. Shu-Fen - but they mostly call her Fen. She's quiet and keeps to herself. Ginette and Giles - a old, married couple who only speak French. Mercy - a young girl that Ginette and Giles take care of. Morro - she's not at the party, but at this point we learn she's in charge of things around here. Also, she's a doctor.

It's a lot of characters thrown at you all at once, but they're fairly easy to pick apart and remember. Definitely easier than trying to keep track of Georgia and Olivia in Book One.

So, what's the deal with this birthday party? Not everyone in this group could remember their real birthdays, so they decided to make one new birthday for everyone. There's cake, games, little party hats, all around good time.

But Clementine's not convinced. She's uncomfortable, she's asking a lot of questions, and this is where we start to see some tension between her and Ricca.

Y'see, Ricca really likes this place, and wants to settle here. Remember, while Clementine was in her coma, she and Olivia have lived here; they've already settled in nicely. They live in the house that's on the highest cliff and is deemed quite safe.

But Clementine is naturally suspicious of everything and is looking for something to be wrong, like that there's only one boat- one escape. This is an ongoing thing where Ricca wants to act like everything is fine, everything is safe, this is what they were looking for to begin with... and Clementine doesn't want to ignore any possible red flags; "Everything is fine until it isn't."

Clementine can't sleep and takes her wheel chair outside for some fresh air, and there she meets Miss Anne Morro. It's actually a well done interaction where we see these two poke and prod at each other the way two strong, leader-like personalities would butt heads. It's also just a little... unsettling. Morro's got that vibe, y'know?

We learn that Morro used to be a pathologist who performed autopsies, but she knows enough to help the living. She says she surprised that Clementine survived given she was nearly septic and she didn't have much in meds... if Clementine was nearly septic and in a coma, she should be dead but it's fine. She just really wanted to survive, I guess. That's what Morro believes it was; "You must've really wanted to stick around." / "You held on like some one with unfinished work."

Morro asks Clementine if she's going to stay as a lot of resources went into keeping her alive, and Clementine points out that was Morro's choice; "Don't pin your regrets on me."

Morro tells her that, while trustworthy, Ricca and Olivia are depressed, and insinuates that Clementine probably is, as well.

Morro smirks, and tell Clementine she'll be expected to work, and that work is everything before leaving Clementine to watch the sunrise alone.

We then get another time skip. Amir shows up on his bike to tell the girls that walkers breached the wall at Borgot. The three of them agree to go help, but they've all got issues; Clementine's been off her feet for weeks and Kenny's not fitting right, Ricca's vision isn't great and it being so gray and rainy doesn't help, and Olivia's been throwing up all week. But it's fine.

They get down there and meet up with Fen, who is surprised Clementine's there to help. Clementine snaps at her that she's been dealing with this shit just as long as she has and can handle a few walkers. She's just gotta get her sock that Ginette's knitted for her first. Ginette also gives her a new hat, the one we see her wearing on the cover of this book.

There are a lot of walkers by the time Clementine gets there. Ricca can't see anything, so Clementine tells her to go to safety... and I want you to really keep in mind how much this book tries to hammer in that Ricca can't see, okay?

Once the walkers are dealt with, we learn from Emi that all of the walker bodies are dragged to Morro so she can "deal with them." Emi thinks it's a waste of time given she's the one who provides the food for everyone, I'm sure it's annoying for her to know what Morro does. John and Fen are too busy helping Morro to help gut fish, so Clementine volunteers Olivia to help with that.

Clementine goes to find Ricca in this little shed where she's working on a project. Clementine tries to comfort her, but Ricca says she just needs to wallow for a little bit and clear her head while she works. She won't let Clementine see what she's working on.

Clementine asks Ricca to meet her on the docks at sundown, and I'm forced to roll my eyes because the miscommunication is exactly what you think it is; Ricca assumes this is a date, but really, Clementine wants to check out Morro's place to see what she does with the dead.

We get Amir's backstory behind his amputated arm: He got bit by a dog, but his father thought it was a walker bite and he was too little to stop him. His father drowned right before this boat crashed on the island. He and Clementine has some cute banter about how she grew taller and waited for her stump to grow, too.

Then we get to know Fen a little bit more- She's originally from Taiwan, but her family was on vacation here with the apocalypse hit, and she's been trying to piece together a world map so she can make it back home. Emi's helping her build a boat but she's still unsure. The map's... well, it's inaccurate.

That night, Ricca and Clementine meet up. Ricca's clearly cleaned up for a date and expresses her disappointment when it's an investigation instead... Clementine's oblivious to this. Truthfully, I feel sorry for Ricca here. I mean, it always sucks when you're excited for something, like a date, only to show up and oh... it's not what you wanted.

Emi comes to pick them up in her boat, and Ricca asks Clementine what it's going to take to convince her that they could be okay here.

But here's Clementine's concern- She's liking the island, but not enough to settle yet. Ricca's eyesight is bad, her prosthetic isn't great. Olivia's depressed. What if there's more out there for them, like an eye doctor or schools? Something even safer?

Ricca isn't satisfied with that answer. In fact, she's kind of hurt with the way Clementine said, "I don't want us to miss out, make the wrong choice."

They go to Morro's place, who is annoyed at being interrupted and tells Clementine her suspicion is tiresome. Turns out Morro's just doing autopsies on the dead. Doesn't matter how degraded they are, she examines each one, takes note of defining details, items on their person, etc. They're assigned a number and buried. It's a lot of work that Clementine questions.

Clementine: Why? Why spend all this energy on them? Morro: They are people. They deserve to be remembered. Clementine: They deserve to be thrown back in the sea. Each of these "people" has maimed and killed who knows how many others... Morro: And? Clementine: And!? In case you hadn't noticed, that corpse and ALL the others are the reason our parents are dead and the world is a pile of garbage. Morro: On this young man I found a medical bracelet. He was allergic to penicillin. I also found a ring in his pocket. Older style. Perhaps it belongs to his mother. His first death was a bad one. Burns, from what I can tell. Anywhere else, he'd decompose and disappear. But instead he washed up here. Kind of like you and your friends.

...okay, we're doing this, I guess. I don't think I need to say that TFS did it better with James and his viewpoint on walkers; how it was deep rooted in his trauma from time with the whisperers, and was meant to make the player think about what actually happens when you become a walker... Are you truly gone? or is there still a piece of you inside that walker? And it showed how far James was willing to go for his fucked up vision of "peace," but it made sense with his character.

This is meant to show how Morro is older, doing autopsies used to be her job, and so she has a different view on the dead. Clementine, however, was raised in this world and has no other view outside of "they're monsters."

But here's the deal, I don't believe Morro's intentions are purely about doing what's "right" for these people. It's about ignoring the real problems on the island and trying to make herself feel like a better person... which I don't think she is. I mean, did'ja see that final jab at Clem? Morro's kind of a passive aggressive ass, and believe me, it's going to get worse.

But Emi shoos them out, and they meet up with John, who is also working this late at night. Ricca steps away from the group and asks Clementine what's out there since everything's fuzzy. It's the graves where all the walkers are buried. Ricca admits there's something off about Morro, and that maybe she's missing something about this place. Maybe it's not safe, but she's scared to start over again, scared of waiting for Clementine to figure out what's wrong and they'll have to leave.

Then Clementine tells her they can stay.

...what?

When I say that I think Clementine's a little fickle with Ricca, this is what I mean. She's watching everything on this island like a hawk, looking for something to be wrong, worried that there might be something better out there... and then she does a 180 like "Okay, we can stay. Didn't realize this was wearing on you."

But that stance isn't going to stay the same! She goes back and forth on things, then we get this:

Ricca: You can still surprise me, Clem. Clementine: I'm sorry that it took me a while. That I made you wait. Ricca: Oh, come on. You know I'll wait for you. Clementine: I know you will.

Put a pin in that exchange; it's important and makes me upsetti spagetti.

Speaking of upset, by now we're at Chapter Four... this chapter makes me unhappy for so many reasons.

The group is waiting for dinner, and we see Clementine's learned how to knit. Amir comes in and tells everyone that the boat is at the beach but Emi and Olivia are no where to be found. He looked everywhere for them but it's so foggy that he couldn't find them. Something's wrong, but Morro is weirdly against sending out a search party... and we see the way she treats her son.

Uhm, first of all, rude. Second, it's gonna get worse.

The group goes searching. Clementine and John talk about Morro, and he says that she's only a jerk to him. She wasn't always that way, but after his sister's bite, she changed.

His sister, Sarah, snuck out one night and came back with a tiny bite. This was back when they didn't know what that meant, so Morro bandaged it up and they went to bed... only for her to turn and eat nearly everyone: his dad, his other sister, Fen's parents... but Morro was able to save him and Fen. And even though all of that happened, they still live in the inn because Morro told them they need to face it.

How funny given Morro doesn't want to face certain things later.

Then Clementine guesses why she does autopsies on the walkers: if Morro looks at each one, then she'll never miss another bite.

That makes no sense.

They're already dead. It doesn't matter if they're bitten. Pi and I were talking about this the other night; wouldn't it make more sense for Morro to be obsessed with checking the living for bites? Every night, they're to report to her office so she can examine them for any bite before they're allowed to go? Who gives a shit if a walker has a bite? What's that going to do for you? Everyone else on the island wants to burn the dead and not waste that much time, but Morro just doesn't listen.

Again, this is why I don't believe her intentions with it are pure. Morro made a mistake that wasn't even her fault, and she lost most of her family because of it. That's traumatic, and this is probably her way of working through that, of "atoning," but she's neglecting the living because of it.

Also, she treats her only living son like shit, so honestly? Fuck her. John doesn't deserve it. I'm team John, he's chill.

He then goes on to explain the backlog of walkers behind the graveyard.

...an entire community of walkers backlogged, you say? And Morro keeps putting them off? I'm sure that won't be the downfall of this group, Anne.

John and Clementine eventually find Emi and Olivia in the lighthouse. They go there to chill after fishing, and Olivia's upstairs getting some air. Clementine rushes up there and we get the first big twist. Are you ready? I bet you're not.

Olivia tells Clementine she got bit.

Except she didn't.

Olivia: I got bit. It's over. Clementine: What? You- show me, Olivia! Where? I'll cut it out! Olivia: I don't know what happened! Clementine: Where!? We have to hurry! Olivia: You can't cut it out, it's inside! I'm starting to turn already, I feel it! Clementine: It's... inside? Olivia: Something moved in me, it's the start of it. I'm becoming one of them. You know, I really liked being alive. Clementine: Olivia, show me where it moved. Olivia, clutching her stomach: Here. Clementine, sobbing and hugging Olivia: Okay, okay, don't worry... it's not a bite.

I... have so many feelings about this.

Just in case you don't get it, Olivia's pregnant. With a baby. And she thought it was a bite.

Remember how I said Amos and Olivia's "relationship" was important? Apparently they had sex in Book One and now she's pregnant. With a baby.

But... why?

I will tear into this more in Olivia's section, but know that I am unhappy. And so is Clementine. She goes off by herself, climbs a hill to overlook the backlog of walkers and just starts screaming at them.

....she says as if this is a new concept to her?

And y'know... given she already raised a baby- you remember Alvin Junior, yes? AJ? Yeah, the kid she left at Ericson? That one, she raised him from when he was a baby, so you'd think she'd bring that up in all this anguish.... but she doesn't. Which is bizarre. This paired with the fact that there are no mentions of Lee makes me think we're moving farther and farther away from the games, trying to establish this as its own thing. Which is fine for those who haven't played the games, but it's a glaring issue for those who have.

Anyway... dream sequence. This time Clementine and Ricca are on a boat that has a bed. It's snowing, Ricca tells her to come sleep, but there's a walker in the bed. It's so... honestly, the only way I can describe the imagery is it's so Tillie Walden, and that's a positive thing, that's a compliment.

The next morning, Olivia doesn't want to talk about her pregnancy. She's going down the "la la la I'm not ignoring this except I totally am la la la I'm going fishing" route, and storms out. Clementine tells Ricca about it, we learn Ricca tracks their periods, and Clementine asks if you don't have a period when you're pregnant... I think Kate must've missed that bit of info when she was giving her the talk in ANF.

Clementine mentions she saw a baby born but blocked it out because it was so scary... either she's talking about Christa, or Rebecca. Christa's the only one we know she was there for since for Rebecca's, she could either help Kenny or help the group, but she wasn't actually there for the birthing process... she was likely watching Sarah get eaten alive, assuming she lived that long.

But that's not important because Ricca's upset again.

Ricca: Do you regret all this? Staying? Clementine: No! No. We'd have problems like this anywhere. It's more that... I've been distracted. I know we've been, like, um... and I want to do stuff, but I need to make it safe first. Once everything is safe, then we can, um... Does that...? Ricca: Oh. Clementine: Ric? Ricca: I think Olivia had the right idea. I'm gonna go. Clementine: Ricca, I didn't mean- Ricca: You did mean it. Go fight your battles. They'll keep you company. Clementine: I- [interrupted by Ricca slamming the door]

What the fuck, Ricca?

I'll be honest, the first time I read this, I had to reread it, like, ten times because I didn't understand why Ricca was so pissed. But just wait, we'll get it to. I keep saying that, but I need you to trust me on this.

So Ricca storms out because reasons, and Clementine goes to talk to Morro about the backlog of walkers. Morro doesn't want to deal with the walkers right now, even though she knows they have to be dealt with eventually. She believes there are more important things that need done first; "Summer is precious here. There's grain to harvest, fish to cure, wood to store. If this isn't done, winter will end us. On top of that, we're behind on herb collection. We're behind on the sea walls. We're behind on laundry."

Gee, I bet y'all wouldn't be so behind if you spent less time on autopsies and more time helping out, Anne.

But Clementine's not having any of it, nor should she.

She knows there's no secure way to hold walkers, and can't wrap her head around how adults can read, write, and know so much that she doesn't and yet still not grasp the way this world works now. So, she'll take care of it.

What could possibly go wrong?

Clementine recruits John and Fen to help her build a tunnel with a door that'll let them control how many walks come out, that way they can deal with them slowly but surely. John's pumped about getting to help so that he can show his mom that he's not a screw up. Some time passes, they build the tunnel, and Morro tells Clementine to be careful that she doesn't lose herself in her work.

This book's definitely making Clementine and Morro character foils, which I like.

On the beach, Clementine and Olivia show just how much they know about pregnancy and their bodies... as in very little. Morro told her "some wild stuff" about the cervix and uterus, and then Olivia's like "she kept asking me about my last period, and I was like, um, why?" She doesn't even know why her period is important! This sweet summer child! How did she and Amos even figure out how sex worked!?

It really showcases how young Olivia is, though. Apparently the baby will be here in about four or five months. It's so... casual? I don't think the whole group knows, but Morro and Emi do and no one is like... "hey, there's gonna be a baby, we should probably prepare for that."

I guess we don't have time for that, though, because we have more clemricca drama to deal with.

Deep breath... okay. It's raining. Clementine's in her wheelchair. She goes to the little shed Ricca's used for her secret project. She won't let her in, by the way, even though it's pouring and they're both getting drenched. This is the conversation:

Clementine: I, um... Ricca: What? Clementine: I don't want you to think that anything is more important to me than you. Ricca: That's kind of how you made it sound. Clementine: What I meant to say was that I want this island safe for us. We can't do anything if we're dead. Ricca: What do you mean "do?" Kiss? Date? Talk about how we actually feel? The dead decide when that can happen!? Clementine: ... Ricca: I love you. And I'm pretty sure you love me, too. But you're not making me feel loved. You're making me feel like you just want to protect me or... Clementine: But I do want to protect you. It's all I think about. Every minute of every day. Ricca: I don't need saving, Clem. I need you to love me. And I need it to be always. It can't start and stop. Clementine: ... I... Ricca: Oh my god, maybe this has all been in my head-- Clementine: Ricca-- Ricca: I get it, okay? Clementine: If I let... if I let myself... Ricca: Forget this. Clementine: You said you would wait for me! Ricca: That's not fair. You want me to wait for the impossible!? Clementine: No, I-- Ricca: I'm done, Clem. Clementine: Ricca, don't go in yet, please, we can talk more-- Ricca, going back inside: What else is there to say? [slams door]

I..... hate this.

Again. We will dive into it in the Ricca/clemricca section, just know that I hate this so much... but wait, there's more coming!

So Clementine's left in the rain, crying, and I'm trying to keep my composure over all of this. Then we cut to her sitting on the beach, presumably the next day, where Giles and Ginette find her and Clementine breaks down crying in Ginette's lap.

We've made it to chapter six; they have the walker tunnel built, they're stabbing the walkers through it, and they're taking the bodies to Morro because of course she's still doing her autopsies. Fen tries to talk to Clementine about Ricca but she's not having it.

Morro's grumpy about this whole situation. When John offers to help her, she's just an asshole to him. She's going off about how this and that needs to be done, and Clementine stands up for John.

It doesn't go well.

And Clementine snaps at her with, "Your daughter getting bit really didn't convince you how dangerous walkers are? But I guess you didn't take that situation seriously, either."

Not gonna lie, I applaud Clementine with that one. But Morro's not going to just take that sitting down. She tells everyone to get out, and poor John is gripping his head, wide eyed, crying...

But Morro, suddenly calm, adds, "Oh, Clementine, I'm sorry to hear about the little break-up. My marriage didn't work out. My only regret is not leaving him sooner. I suspect you might be like me. We're just not suited for love. Better to realize that while you're young. Some things about yourself, well... you just can't change."

Ma'am, you are an asshole.

John is literally right that, and you just casually drop that you wish you'd left his father sooner even though he was eaten by walkers, eaten BY YOUR DAUGHTER who turned, and that you're not suited for love like??? Is that why you treat your son like shit??

Oh, but you're suuuuuuuch a good person for doing these autopsies and burying the dead, right?

Also, this is the second time someone's questioned Clementine's ability to love in this series. The first was Georgia before she was killed: "You've never loved anyone, Clementine, I can see it. You have no idea... how far I'll go... what I'll do..."

Hey, speaking of Book One- hard cut to a dream sequence with Amos and it makes little sense. Clementine's asking him how he and Olivia made their relationship work, they made it look easy and never seemed scared but like..... what relationship?? I have read Book One 10+ times! The relationship was practically nonexistent! He made a comment about her bright eyes and she invited him behind the curtain with her! Then suddenly she wants to go away with him back to his town!

But in this dream sequence, Clementine asks if she's too broken for this romance with Ricca, asking why she's so scared and shit, and just-

Clementine: Am I too broken for this? Amos: You think Ricca isn't broken, too? The only difference is that she isn't ashamed of her scars. She wants to face her fears with you. Not for you. Clementine: She deserves more... so much more than me. Amos, holding a baby??: She deserves the world. And that's you, Clementine.

I'm at a loss for words, I am so tired...

Ricca and Olivia find Clementine passed out in front of Ricca's shack. Fen told them what Morro said and apparently Ricca threw a plate at her head. Finally, she does something I approve of.

Ricca finally lets them in her shack to see the big project she's been working on- a synagogue; "It's like a church, but for Jews."

It's actually a really nice set up she's made, and it feels like Ricca's the only one who has the baby in mind since she's still trying to figure out a crib. She made groves in the floor so that she can move around even when she can't see. She talks about how this is a place for all of them where they can celebrate holidays, rest, pray, sing', etc. She's hoping to have a bat mitzvah one day, so the girls suggest they have one right now for the three of them.

So they gather together, light a bunch of candles, wrap themselves in blankets and put flowers in their hair. Ricca starts by reciting what she can remember from the Torah, and translates what she can for them; "Some of it is peace and God and stuff, then rest I really don't know. I just know that saying the words makes the ground feel... deeper. And it makes the sky seem so much higher up. I guess what I've learned is that I'm actually really lucky. To be here, right now. To have found you guys, this island. The mountain."

Now this is some development with Ricca I like. We've gotten snippets of Jewish culture with her character throughout these two books but this is the first time we've actually explored it and what it means to her.

Olivia goes next; "'It's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard.' It's from a book we read in Vermont. Oh, and my favorite word from the dictionary. Speckle. It means 'a small part of something.'" She shares that she's thought about how everyone starts out as a baby and someone kept them alive without them even asking, and she's thought about them being super little when they had nothing to worry about... I'm sure this is all coming from the fact that she's soon to have a baby.

Now it's Clementine's turn to talk, and she asks to see what Ricca wrote down. It's a paper of words and phrases, symbols, and such that she could remember, and Clementine focuses on, "May there be abundant peace."

And this makes her realize that she does love Ricca.

....wait, what?

My head hurts. Breathe, CJ, breeeeathe.... It's fine, it's only Clementine apologizing even though she did nothing wrong. It's only us ignoring the fact that Ricca was out here pulling the, "I guess you never really loved me" guilt-trip because Clementine wasn't moving at her pace, it's fiiiiiiiiiine.... I'm not upset, I swear.

So... Clementine and Ricca confess they love each other and are officially girlfriends now, and we get more cheese from Clem; "Making it right between us... it feels like the whole world's been saved."

Oh boy. The girls talk about how they feel more adult after their bat mitzvah.

From here, we get into chapter seven where shit hits the fan. The problem I had with Book One had to do with pacing where it had this slow beginning and middle, and then crazy shit happened all at once toward the end... while the pacing for this book is a little better, this is where we just into that whiplash, "what the fuck, how did this happen??"

The girls fell asleep and now it's night. Everything seems chill as they deal with a stray walker and talk about Morro, and we get this line from Ricca, "Anyone who is mean to Clem is dead to me." which I find hilarious since that's literally the attitude the twdg fandom has. But the irony of that aside, shit's going down because they're surrounded by walkers.

The backlog of walkers got out.

There's hundreds of them.

Dr Barnwell, the cat, is back at the house so Ricca offers to go get him while Clementine and Olivia go to Morro's place where they assume everyone's held up... Remember that- Ricca, the one who can't see in the dark, is the one to go get the cat. They plan to meet at the docks.

Ginette, Giles, and Mercy are dead, being eaten by walkers outside of Morro's place. John's also dead inside, having been bitten. That's FOUR off-screen deaths, and lemme tell you, I'm pissed that John's dead. Morro's just standing there while while Emi watches the door and Fen holds a sobbing Amir.

Morro's still an asshole even when her son's dead, she's like, "My sweet, dumb boy." Lady, you were awful to him this entire book!

It turns out John was so upset last time we saw him that he convinced himself he could take all those walkers on, so he made the tunnel bigger for more to come through. He got overwhelmed and couldn't shut it down, got bit, panicked, and ran to his mother. Then he died on the floor. Just like that.

I..... am so upset about John, y'all.

The group plans to take Emi's boat and get outta there, but guess what? Morro's not going; "I'm not leaving my son."

She knows he's going to turn and doesn't care, AND this action of hers indirectly gets Amir killed. I'm serious. She's staying, so Amir starts throwing a fit that he wants to stay with John, too.

Before they go, Morro tells them to get to PEI, since years ago she traded with an herbalist named Saa who could potentially help them.

They leave, and a crying Morro goes to John while walkers break through the windows. She's dead.

Can't say I feel bad about that one, Anne, got gonna lie...

But then Amir gets killed when he continues to scream about going back to John. He gets away from Emi, goes back to the house and opens the door to find John as a walker. Walker John attacks Amir, killing him.

Characters are just dropping at this point, and we're not done!

Emi's crying out in distress, Clementine has to hold her back, and they all gotta make a run for it. They make it to the docks and Ricca's not there. Clementine refuses to leave her behind, and they get overwhelmed... and Emi saves Olivia, but gets bitten. Emi grabs a bunch of the walkers and drags them all down into the water with her... and she's gone.

I need to stress this... everyone except Fen from this new group is dead now, all killed in a SINGLE CHAPTER. This isn't like S2 where everyone from the cabin group eventually dies; that happened over the course of the season with each death hurting more and more until it all ended with Luke's death on the lake, and by then you're so numbed by the loss... this is just boom boom boom, DEAD.

And guess who shows up. They try to fake us out by making us think Ricca's a walker, but no. She's fine, and she has the cat.

Tell me... how the fuck did Ricca navigate the island in the dark to grab Dr Barnwell and make it to the docks in time when she can't fucking see anything??? HOW??? This book has hammered home that Ricca can't see. She can't see in the dark, she can't see in bad weather, she can barely see in the light! You expect me to believe she did all of this without getting chomped? That she made it back in time? UGH.

John's dead. Emi died to save Olivia. Amir's dead. Giles, Ginette, and little baby Mercy are dead....... but somehow, somewhat, Ricca managed to survive, I'm.......... I'm not saying I want her dead, I'm saying I'm upset laughing right now.

Anyway... that bullshit's over. Chapter eight, three weeks later, they're in this community looking for Saa. Their boat got stolen, they're living off rotten potatoes, and they still haven't found Saa. Clementine and Fen wander around until someone can point them in her direction, and they find Saa and Derrick.

Saa's a woman in a wheelchair, both legs amputated from before the outbreak, and Derrick seems to be her right-hand man.

Saa has Derrick get them a supply bag and lets them on her boat. She's planning to leave town and shows Clementine and Fenn her world map. Remember how Fen was trying to piece together her own map? Yeah, she gets overwhelmed when she realizes just how off her map was. Taiwan's farther than she expected, so she leaves believing she'll never make it home.

By the way, I am happy Fen survived. I think she's a neat character and I'm interested where Book Three takes her character.

Saa's quite likable for a character introduced so late in the book. She talks with Clementine about how amputees existed before the dead rose, and Derrick comes back with a box of supplies. We learn that Saa wants to go to Greenland since she got a letter from a friend who went there, and Clementine's surprised that letters are a thing.

Also, Saa's crew might be dead. She doesn't believe they are, but Derrick does. This gives Clementine a lightbulb moment, and she offers her group to be Saa's new crew.

Saa: Woah, woah, we need five experienced hands, not two kids. Clementine: Olivia is experienced! She knows boats! Saa: Are there five of you? Clementine: Yes! Saa: Are you lying to me? Derrick: Definitely. Clementine: No! No, it's just... Only four of us can help. One isn't born yet. Derrick: Oh my. Saa: No. No.

But don't worry, Clementine sells the group well enough that Saa reluctantly agrees. I guess we're going to Greenland in Book Three.

They camp, and in the morning Clementine drags Ricca and Olivia to this person who takes polaroid photos... because there'ssomeone who just does that, I guess. Then they head to the boat. They set sail, it's a grand ol' time.

Then Clementine and Ricca have their first kiss.. and we head into chapter nine.

I think everyone's heard of chapter nine by now, but whether you've heard of it accurately is another story. Do you know how many comments I've read on reddit about this chapter that are just... false?? Spreading misinformation?? It's ridiculous.

Clementine and Ricca have sex this chapter, but there's no sex scene. It doesn't even show any kissing. It's literally a fade to black. It's not explicit, and no, reddit, it's not like 50 Shades of Grey, you dumbasses.

They're laying together in what I assume is their room on the ship, talking about scars, and this is how conversation progresses:

Clementine: Back in Vermont when we’d bump into each other in that tiny cabin… my whole face would feel hot. Ricca: I remember. You were hard to reach, then. Clementine: I remember. Ricca? Ricca: Hmm? Clementine: Have you had sex before? Ricca: Yeah, have you? Clementine: No… I’m still not totally clear on what it is… Ricca: A lot of it is instinctual. Clementine: Bullshit, maybe for you. Ricca: I’m serious! You and the other person respond to each other. Clementine: Stabbing walkers in the head when they’re trying to kill you is instinctual. This… this is… so overwhelming. Ricca: Doing anything for the first time is… Think about the first time you shot a gun, or started a fire. Clementine: I remember my first walker… I was so scared that day. That year. Ricca: You were alone? Clementine: I was. But I’m not now. I don’t have to figure this out myself. You’ll show me everything? Step by step? Ricca: Of course. We can take our time. Clementine: Doesn’t it feel like… like we have to hurry? Do everything we can as soon as we can? Ricca: Why would we need to? I’m not going anywhere. And we are in the middle of the ocean. Clementine: I know, I know, it’s not that, it’s… Whenever I feel happy, when it’s peaceful like this, it always seems to get cut off. I want to make this feeling… this night… last. How do I do that? Ricca: You mean… How do we stop time? Clementine: Yeah. Can you teach me that, too? Ricca: Hmm… Clementine: I’m not asking for much, just for tonight to last a little longer. As soon as the sun comes up, there’ll be so much to do. Ricca: For you, Clementine. I’ll have a word with the sun… and ask for a little more time.

Clementine wakes up the next morning to the sunlight pouring in through the window with tears in her eyes.

The end; to be continued in Book Three.

That's the whole plot. That's everything that happened.

It's a lot. Book Two's longer than Book One, but I found myself enjoying it a little more... but with that comes even more disappointment than before. I can see a good, solid story here but it wasted a lot of opportunities. I hate that it introduced a new cast of characters just so it could kill all but one of them off in a single chapter, that hurt. The romantic subplot is bad because, in my opinion, the couple involved shouldn't be together. There's stuff to like, hence why I've given it a higher rating than Book One, but it's bogged down by some major flaws.

But let's get into the character's now.

Dreadful Sorry, Clementine...

The best way I can describe Clementine is she's incredibly inconsistent with the game's depiction of her, but she's consistent between both books. Ignoring the games, this feels like a natural-ish progression of her character from Book One.

I believe I mentioned this in my review of Book One, and if not there I've said it before, but this Clementine is like if we skipped TFS. Book One felt like we picked up right after ANF, except Clementine decided not to go after AJ and instead went off on her own, that's how angsty she was... even though that doesn't make sense because we know she was at Ericson and AJ was the one to cut off her leg. It's a regression you won't notice if you haven't played the games, but most of us have. That's why people call her Tangerine. We're backtracking to tell the same character arc in a different, less compelling way.

There were more points in this one where I feel the real Clementine peaking through, though, usually when she's sassing Morro. But the rest of the time it's just a shell of who she once was.

I will say that I find the approach to Clementine's knowledge... interesting? She's definitely dumbed down a little, but it feels like a situation where the book needs the reader to know something and uses Clementine to get that information across, resulting in her looking dumb. Remember when she didn't know she needed to wash her leg in Book One and everyone threw a fit? It's like when you're watching a movie and a character pulls the, "As you know," out; if the character already knows, why are you telling them? You're not, really, you're telling the audience. It's the same vibe; we need to know she needs to clean her leg.

But here we get to also look at Clementine's lacking in educational knowledge. I've already read some people being grumpy that she struggles with reading and writing her name, and fair enough... but remember that Clementine's education stopped at first grade. I think these books are trying to tell the story of someone who grew up in this world... as in Clementine's not exactly practicing her reading and writing every day the same way an average student does in the modern world. She's going to struggle. That's something the games just ignore and make her read super well, and they did the same thing with AJ. No five-year-old can read that well, especially if taught by another less educated person, c'mon now.

Also, y'all crack jokes about how Clementine has a first grade education and can't do math and shit but then the comic presents that in a more realistic way than the games and suddenly you have a problem? Mmhmmmm.

I like that Clementine airs that frustration with Morro about how adults know how to read and write and they know all these things she doesn't understand, but she has the knowledge of how to survive in this world better than any adult because she grew up in it and has little knowledge prior to this life.

She's also paranoid for a lot of the time on the island, which makes sense. She's witnessed enough community failures to be wary of things seeming too good to be true. Plus, she was in a coma. She has every right to wake up unsure about everything, and it's annoying that Ricca and Olivia never stop to consider that they've had a month to settle in and get comfortable, Clementine hasn't. She's trying to catch up. Ricca especially gets annoyed that she won't just hurry and feel safe already and that's a whole can of worms I'll get to.

This book hones in on Clementine becoming an adult after growing up in this world...whatever that means. By now I think we're to assume she's 18, and it gives us two growth scenarios where Clementine has a birthday and a bat mitzvah, which I think is supposed to show a "new chapter" in her life, so to speak.

This book also tackles her falling in love like it's the first time... which I guess means we're dealing with a single Clementine from TFS. I mean, if we have to do this, I'd prefer that. So y'know... anyone acting like this series made Clementine a "cheater," that's inaccurate and you know it, you're just trying to make everything worse than it really is.

I just wish Clementine fell for someone who didn't twist things to be her fault or guilt her into moving at a pace she clearly wasn't comfortable with. Then the book acts like Clementine had to have an epiphany that she does really love Ricca as if that's growth like.... stop. Stop trying to tell Clementine she's incapable of love as if romantic love is the only valid love that everyone has to learn to have. Clementine did love. She loved Ricca and Olivia as friends in this shitty world; she loved Dr Barnwell; she loved Amos enough to dream about him in order to seek his comfort, like... this Clementine is capable of love.

She apparently didn't love anyone at the school enough to stay but ahem not the point-

I can tell that Tillie Walden's not as comfortable writing for a character that's already established versus her original characters. It's so easy for everyone to throw around "this is just fanfiction!" like it's an insult [how ironic given the fandom tends to thrive on fanfiction but sure lets use it as an insult when convenient] but let's be serious about that for a moment.

There's a certain skillset in writing what's considered "good" fanfiction; I believe anyone can write fanfic, but tastes will always be subjective as not everyone will agree what's in character or not, and not everyone finds the same prose enjoyable. There's always room to improve when you're writing fanfiction, but not everyone will like your stuff.

I've read a lot of what I'd consider bad fanfiction in my time; clunky and awkward prose, unnatural dialogue, unappealing storylines and decisions, characters behaving in ways they never would in the source material. We all know how the thought of "They wouldn't say that," can take you right out of the fic you're reading.

When writing, the source material is a helpful tool that I encourage all fanfiction writers to take advantage of. The characters already have an established voice that you have to mimic, mannerisms and facts of their life to consider, and there's a lot of interpretation at play. Based on what you know of them, how would they react in this situation, or that one? If you're familiar enough with the source material and have the dedication, you can create some amazing stories.

I don't think Tillie has the right "toolbox," if you will, for fanfiction. She's skilled in writing her own characters and stories, something that's impressive as not everyone can do that, but she clearly struggles with Clementine. She's played the games [yes, I believe her when she says she played them, keep your snark in your lip] but she hasn't played them the way fans and fanfiction writers have. She's not using the source material the most effective way, and that might be on purpose, honestly. She only uses enough to remind us that this Clementine's originally from the games, but not enough to make her convincing.

All in all, Clementine's the most developed character in these books, obviously, but she's not as great as she could be. She's definitely more tolerable in Book Two than Book One.

Oh, Miss Morro, how you've disappointed me...

I don't like her.

I got beef with Anne.

I so desperately hoped she was conducting science experiments on the walkers. I wanted her to sew body parts onto walkers to see if they functioned; to see her create monstrosities for the sake of science or whatever other bullshit.

But no, she's just an asshole doing autopsies on walkers to make herself feel better while ignoring the big problem that eventually lead to their downfall. She mistreats her son even though he does most of the work around the island.

And she knows there's a lot of work to be done but spends that precious time doing these autopsies despite everyone knowing it's a waste of time... then she has the gall to lecture Clementine about not wasting time. She's passive aggressive, aloof, and just... unpleasant? Even when she's being nice, you get the sense it's fake.

While she's a better "antagonist" [if you can call her that] than Georgia was in Book One, she's just another disappointment. Why not go ham with it? We're on an island that seems too good to be true, you've got this old woman who leads the group but goes off to her little shack at night to work with the dead, you've established there's only one way of escape and that's Emi's boat... make her fucking crazy!

I get we're trying to be deep and psychological with her trauma over losing her family after she disregarded a bite, but it falls flat. You can't just make her an asshole the entire time and then her son dies and she's suddenly like, "ah, my poor, dumb son... I'm gonna stay here and be eaten by walkers now, I don't want to go on."

Imagine this, m'kay? Remember how I said she should be more concerned over checking the living for bites? Say she's obsessed with doing that and everyone sees her point since they don't want a repeat of what happened... then one of them does get bitten, either by a walker or something else, and they gotta deal with it... and then it's revealed that Morro used them in her experiments when Clementine finds them as a walker with parts sewn onto them and shit. Have John be in denial that his mother's doing anything fucked until he has to face it head on! Have everyone turn on Morro! Make her dangerous!

She's not a compelling character, she's just a bitch and I don't like her... and that's the wasted potential of this book right there.

Ricca upsets me

Okay, listen... I don't like Ricca.

I don't think anyone does, but I don't think any of you understand, y'know? She isn't a bad character just because she isn't Louis or Violet, or because you're pissy about the comics existence.

There are layers to why I don't like her. This is a "you don't understand her like I do" situation, except most people use that phrase when they're up their own ass and wholeheartedly believe their interpretation of their favorite is the only correct one, but me? I'm up my own ass about this character I don't even like!

Most of y'all haven't read the comics like I have. That's why you're here. Either you've read through them once or twice, you've only read other peoples reviews and formed your opinions based on them, or you've watched a video of someone reading the comic and they've influenced your judgement.... but me? I've studied these comics! I've read them critically, analytically! I went into this with an open mind about Ricca; I gave her a chance! I gave clemricca a chance! Which is more than I can say for most of you!

And all I've gotten in return is a headache!

Let me get the good out of the way, because there are things about her character that I do like. If you'll recall in Book One, Ricca mentions that she thinks she's the last Sephardic Jew left, and in this book we see her singing Jewish songs, she builds her own synagogue, and we get the big bat mitzvah. I really like that it wasn't just a throwaway detail that Ricca's Jewish, and that we get some exploration into that side of her.

Her worsening eyesight was interesting for me as someone who also has terrible sight and needs glasses to function, but it kind of gets ruined when we've built it up for so long only to toss it out the window in the end. She's supposedly blind at night, yet she made it through a herd of walkers back to their house, grabbed the cat, and made it back to the docks in just in time leave with everyone?

Absolutely not. The only way I could see that working is if she had a way of knowing where she was at all times without her sight, like what she did in her shed with the floor. It's unclear if she's covered herself in walker guts, but that's another way she could've made it without getting bitten... but that still doesn't help that she cannot see and doesn't have a means of seeing without her eyes.

Sorry, this is supposed to be what I liked... I do like the glasses stuff, just not when it's inconsistent. Ricca also has some funny lines here and there, she's definitely a little snarky and sarcastic at times. She's hardworking, and picks up the slack when Olivia's too depressed to do anything, which I appreciate, but... that's it. There isn't a whole lot else I enjoy about this character.

Everything I dislike stems from her relationship with Clementine.

First of all, they have little to no chemistry when it comes to romantic banter. It's bizarre, though, because I believe the trio's friendship more than I believe Clementine and Ricca have some sort of deeper connection. Without Olivia there, it's awkward.

Clementine's focused on the island, determining if it's safe, looking for something to be wrong or dangerous. Ricca wants to turn a blind eye to any potential danger as she wants this island to be their safe place to settle, and gets irritated with Clementine's paranoia.

And just... it pisses me off that Ricca tells Clementine that she'll wait for her. At this point, it's pretty obvious that they have romantic feelings for one another, for some reason. But, Clementine's rather fickle about it due to fear. Ricca telling her that is meant to be this romantic notion that she loves her enough to wait until Clementine's ready for a relationship... except no! When things don't go the way she wants it, Ricca throws it back in Clementine's face and it's so shitty!

Clementine wants to protect her and Ricca acts like that's a bad thing? You don't feel loved because Clementine wants you to be safe? You don't need saving?? Girl, you DO need saving because you can't fucking see! We've spent this entire book establishing that you need help because of it! And then you use that to tell Clementine that you need her to love you always!

Ricca's so awful in this moment. Then she accuses Clementine's feelings of not being real just because she's not responding the way she's "supposed to," and that's cruel.

"I'll wait for you," is a lovely lie, isn't it? Pretty, but hollow. You don't get to say that and then when Clementine calls you out on it, throw a fit that she's in the wrong for making you wait for the impossible, as if you're a victim in all this!

Ricca, Clementine doesn't owe you shit. She doesn't owe you a relationship just because you supposedly love her. Hell, if you did love her, you wouldn't be acting like this! If Clementine isn't ready to kiss, or say she loves you, then she isn't ready and pressuring her is bullshit.

"Oh we should talk about how we actually feeeeel~!" Fuck off, Ricca, she told you why she's scared of having a relationship right now and why she wants to island to be safe.

Can you imagine if Louis and Violet behaved like this? Imagine ep2, Clementine tells them, "Hey, I like you but I want to make the school safe, we need to deal with the raiders first before we focus on us," and they were like, "I'll wait for you, Clem." Only for ep3 to come around and they're like, "That's not fair, you want me to wait for the impossible! I? I'm done, Clementine, your feelings for me weren't real!"

But Louis and Violet never did that because they respected Clementine as a person with autonomy! If she rejected them romantically, neither blew a gasket. Neither accused her of toying with their feelings. The only time something like that comes up is if Clementine romances Violet and then lets her get taken by raiders, but in Violet's defense, I think she has a good enough reason to throw that around, y'know?

Ricca's just being mean. She's intentionally trying to hurt Clementine's feelings because she's sour that the relationship isn't progressing exactly as she wants it and she's tired of waiting.

But the worst part? The book presents this as Ricca being right. At the bat mitzvah, Clementine realizes she loves Ricca and that she was wrong and I'm furious. Not a single mention of Ricca's shitty behavior, no apologies for the guilt-tripping or being vindictive, nothing! Clementine was wrong to prioritize the island's safety over her feelings for Ricca! What a lesson she's learned, folks!

How.... dare you, frankly. I hate it so much. It's acting like it's this deep relationship that's exploring conflicted feelings and handing all these emotions with care but... all I see is Clementine having valid reasons for not wanting a relationship right now and Ricca guilting her until she changes her mind. Clementine shouldn't be the one apologizing here.

I guess we gotta talk about chapter nine now.

I don't want to say all of you have blown it out of proportion, but most of you have. Clementine and Ricca have sex. It's not explicit. Nothing is shown. There isn't even any kissing. There's cheesy dialogue. It's a fade to black. I don't think it could've been done any more tastefully than that.

If it wasn't Clementine involved, not a single one of you would've batted an eye. But because y'all are white knights who put Clementine on a pedestal, her fictional honor is apparently at stake and here we are.

Look, I'm no prude, okay? I read and write Dragon Age fanfiction, and sex can be a big part of those games, for better or worse. I've read my fair share of fics with smut in them, and I'm writing a Dragon Age fic with sexual content in later chapters. I'm not here to clutch any pearls or act like exploring sexual topics is a bad thing, because it's not.

I don't love that this is in a book rated ages 14+. I don't think it was necessary, but I understand why it's here in the context of "Clementine's stepping into adulthood in a world where death forever lurks." I just wish the target audience for these books was older, like... if you're going to include sex and a teen pregnancy, your audience shouldn't be middle grade.

The reason it feels icky to me is I don't like the couple or how they got together. This isn't a good relationship. It's not built on a foundation of trust. The sex is consensual, which is good, but I can't help feeling like Clementine deserved someone who respected her more than Ricca does.

So yeah... Ricca's not a bad character just because she's not Louis or Violet. She bad because she's selfish to her core, but the books portray her as selfless and right.

And to everyone screaming "but Clementine's not 18 yet is she???!?!? UNDER AGE SEX!?!?!?!" I argue that you don't actually give a shit about ages. Y'know why? Because not one of you, not a single goddamn one of you, has had the same energy about Olivia's pregnancy. Amos was 16 when he and Olivia had sex in Book One, and I have feeling she's also around that age.

Y'all really glossed over that, didn't you? So no, you don't care about whether or not a character's old enough for sex. If you did care, you would've been just as alarmed, if not more, about Olivia and Amos... but you're not because you don't care about Olivia, she's not you're precious widdle Clemmy.

Olivia's pregnancy bothers me way more than Clementine and Ricca having consensual sex... which is a great segway into--

Olivia is my new child and that's why I'm mad that she's probably going to die in Book Three

I like Olivia a lot, actually. I'm adopting her. She's my child now, and her baby is my grandchild.

But I'm pretty sure she's going to die. It's predictable, y'know? So predictable that I hope Book Three subverts expectations and this isn't the case, but... my prediction is Olivia will die giving birth to her baby, leaving Clementine and Ricca to raise the baby.

Insert Amos Junior [AJ 2.0] joke here.

Olivia gets some much needed character development in this book. She's showing signs of depression; it's hard to get her to do anything in the beginning and Ricca has to pick up her chores. It's understandable, given her twin sister murdered Amos and then died, too. Her mother's a walker, she's lost everything.

It isn't until she and Emi go fishing together more that she comes out of her shell. I wish we got to see more of her and Emi's friendship, actually. Especially since Emi gave her life and boat to save her. She's kind and naive, a lot like Amos was but in a different way. Olivia's more aware of how shitty the world is than Amos was.

The pregnancy is bullshit. I hate it. Why are we doing this again? And with a teen pregnancy? Why are we bringing in another baby after we jumped through hoops to make Clementine leave the first baby behind? It's not going to end well. Either Olivia's going to die, or that baby is. These comics, and TWD in general, aren't above killing off kids or babies. What are the odds that both Olivia and the baby survive? That would be too happy for our nearing conclusion.

And with how little Olivia knows about sex, periods, and babies, and that Amos came from an Amish community, it's amazing that they even figured out how sex worked to begin with.

Thinking back on it, is THAT why Georgia pushed him off the mountain? Not only did she feel he was trying to take Olivia away, but he slept with her? That actually makes a little more sense! Too bad Georgia never bothered giving us that reason, huh?

It's just... this pregnancy is such a heavy thing for Book Three. Poor Olivia's doomed, and she's the only likable one of the trio.

I don't blame Tillie for this, or for anything else in this comic, since she's not the only one making these books happen. Skybound approved this, her editors approved this, everyone involved thought, "yeah, pregnant Olivia, good idea, that'll bring some tragedy." and I'm just sitting here with my head in my hands like, "noooooooooooooooo...."

These books already took my son away, wasn't that enough?

Speaking of-

Until I see a body, Amos ain't dead in my heart

We have one more book left, just let me hold out hope that Amos survived the fall and will come back as twist antagonist in Book Three, okay? Mark my words, if he comes back, Book Three will get an immediate 5/5 stars, regardless of the other bullshit.

Amos is just a vision in Clementine's dreams this time around. I miss my boy, he didn't deserve this treatment.

And now watch, the book will be cheeky like "You want Amos back? Here's AJ 2.0, that still counts!" Not what I meant!

This review's long, let's lightning round the rest of the characters since I don't have that much to say about them that I haven't already said

--I'm happy Fen survived and look forward to seeing what Book Three does with her, assuming it doesn't just kill her off or some other bullshit.

--I'm pissed John died. If we're going to kill everyone else off anyway, why couldn't Fen AND John survive? He worked his ass off on that island and his mother treated him like shit. To kill him off-screen's bullshit. Would've been way more compelling to have him survive and face the guilt of losing his mother even after the way she treated him.

--Emi's another great character that hurt to see go, but it's fitting that she saved Olivia and gave her the boat before taking the walkers down with her.

--Amir's great. Also pissed he died. Shitty way to go. Did we really need to see walker John eat him?

--Ginette, Giles, and Mercy are just kinda there. They're not too important, but it's still sad to see they got eaten alive by a herd of walkers... especially Mercy.

--I'm actually excited for Saa and Derrick. I hope they play a big role in Book Three and this isn't a Christa and Omid situation; as in they're around for five minutes and then die/separate from the group. They seem really chill and I look forward to hearing more of their backstories.

In conclusion, it's not great but it's better

Even though the clemricca romance legitimately pisses me off, I enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. I definitely had a different attitude going into it versus how I went into Book One which I think helped me have a better time. There are things to like about it if you'll give it a chance, but I understand why people aren't.

It has issues with pacing, character development/progression, and the romance. I hate that everyone but Fen from the new group got killed off. I hate that we have a pregnancy plot now. I'm disappointed with Morro as a character and antagonist.

But the art's improved greatly. Olivia's a better character now. The new cast is quite fun and likable prior to dying. There are themes and elements that are explored and done well.

The hate Tillie gets for these is absurdly gross. They're just comics. No, shut up, they're just comics. The games still exist. Tillie didn't ruin them, and in my opinion, if you truly believe she did ruin the games, that's a you problem. That's you letting these books ruin the games for you. No one's out here making you read them. No one made me read them, I chose to do that just as I chose to see them as not canon. Sending hate and threats to her and Skybound does nothing but prove what a piece of shit you are. By all means, hate the comics all you want, that's your right, but leave real life people out of it.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: Clementine isn't real. I get that she's important to you, but she's a fictional character. She's not going to come to life and reward you for your twentieth comment on Tillie's instagram calling her vile names or threatening to find her for what she did. Clementine isn't going to like your video of you screaming into your mic about what an injustice these comics are, and she's not going to sign your petition to get the comics cancelled.... because she's not real. Go outside. Touch grass. Remember that you're only alive for a short time and try to do something of worth with that knowledge.

We only have one more book in this trilogy left, but do y'all really think it'll end there? Do you think Skybound will give a shit that fans hated the comics and will respectively leave Clementine alone? No, that's not how money's made.

I hope once Tillie's done with this series, she continues to have a great career. It's strange, like... I'm of two minds where I want Book Three to be super good in hopes that fans will just leave her alone... but then there's a little gremlin inside me that also kind of hopes she gets a final fuck you in aimed at the fandom. I'm sorry, the fandom's been embarrassingly terrible to her and they deserve it.

I hope she kills Clementine off... yeah, I said it. She won't because Skybound definitely won't let her, but it would be so good. I say kill Clementine off, turn her into a walker, let her eat AJ 2.0! No happy ending for anyone, just a middle finger!

Literally everyone else would be fuming and frothing at the mouth with shit posts on reddit about how Tillie "rUInEd" TWDG and then killed Clementine off and I would be in my corner just cackling and applauding her.

"How can you say that, CJ?? you fake fan???"

Look, my Clementine's still at Ericson, vibin' with AJ and Louis. Willy made her a new leg, she didn't name it Kenny, she named it Legolas [she still doesn't know who that is even after Aasim and Louis explained Lord of the Rings to her]. She and Violet play competitive cheater's uno every Thursday. She's living her best life.

Comic Clem's another Clementine to me entirely. If she lives, great! If she dies, oh no! Anyway-

To wrap this up... Clementine Book Two has issues, there are missed opportunities, and I think the romance is bad. But there's enough good here that made it enjoyable enough. I don't feel right about giving it a 2/5 stars, but 3/5 feels too high, so 2.5/5 feels right.

I also encourage people to actually read it for themselves. Don't just take my word for it, or reddit's, or whatever. Read it yourself and form your own opinions instead of parroting someone else. It'll make for better discussion rather than a cesspool for hate.

When Book Three comes out, I'll read and review that one, too. As of right now, we haven't heard anything about it, but I'll be sure to keep an ear out and share the news with y'all.

Now I'd like to hear from you; did you read Book Two? What are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree with any of my takes? Feel free to send in asks or leave comments below.

Thanks for reading! 💚

#Clementine Book Two review #twdg clementine #twdg #twdg aj #twdg louis #twdg violet #long post #clementine book one #clementine book two

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