#it doesn't even feel real :-(

[fearsomeandwretched]

It's so insane to think about my birth mom. She was younger than I am now when she died

#it doesn't even feel real

[transgenderturnip]

.

#me: man yesterday feels so weird #it doesn't even feel real #or like i was there #like a dream #me remembering i have did: #I PROBABLY WASN'T.

[cocaptainsinlove]

2 days. 2 DAYS

#it doesn't even feel real

[screechwhisper]

This is literally the worst day of my fucking life

#it doesn't even feel real #being evicted and I want to die #personal #what the fuck

[egophiliac]

still absolutely losing my mind over Lilia

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #sebek: wow we're so lucky to see lilia-sama at his fighting prime. so commanding! so powerful! #lilia: (straight up stuffs a frog in his mouth without breaking eye contact) #seriously though i did not think it was possible for me to enjoy lilia even more. and yet. #'dragon eggs need love in order to hatch' #ten year old me: gasp. i knew it. #the IMPLICATIONS though! #forget true love's kiss we have true love's baby dragon over here #also twst. twst please. i do feel i need to call you out a little bit on malleus' age #i don't really have a problem with it i was just. surprised. #i mean i GUESS the description of dragon ages was vague enough that malleus being under 200 doesn't inherently contradict it #it could've been clearer okay :( #that said it is true that the younger malleus is the more hilarious his whole world-weary immortal schtick is #'ah...you are all as infants in comparison to me. ' - malleus (age 19) #also lilia being a foundling does explain him not knowing his real birthday. so i will forgive (1) birth-related shenanigan. #auuuugh the parallels between lilia and silver #brb i need to go roll around on the ground and mutter to myself for a while

[petricorah]

lee from the tea shop boutta get it (wip) [id in alt]

edit: completed illustration here

#zuko #zukka #i wanted this to be a guiding hand #encouraging or like he's surprised it's happening but holding sokka's hand comfortingly #but something about the expression and the mouth makes it seem like he doesn't want it or he's afraid #i don't know i'll workshop this #mywips #i also havent read any ba sing se zukka fics but i do wonder how they'd work #like i totally buy that zuko was SO tunnel visioned to the avatar that he literally wouldn't know what sokka looks like #but i don't know how Sokka couldn't Not know who he is #unless maybe they met as blue spirit vigilante and sokka falls for him and this is the unveiling moment and zuko's afraid of his past #but sokka's like it's okay you're changing you've helped people as the blue spirit and i care about you. those feelings are real #even now #and zuko almost decides to change for the better right then but he gets scared and turns back and canon happens idk #mistaking his father's approval for love and his love for sokka as wrong #whatever. idc. something something i just wanted to draw short haired zuko

[benoitblanc]

no no you guys don't get it. the x files cancer arc was, excuse the pun, a fucking white whale of a tv plotline that would not have worked nearly as well on literally any other show. it was a complete hail mary. the writers' room nearly didn't make it happen because they were worried it would fall too deeply into soap opera territory. and on any other show, it would! but the x files is about four key things: mistrust in the government, faith in both science and the otherworldly, building a life around trauma, and the fine line between love and codependency. it is the only show where the entirety of this situation- a government experiment on an unwilling young catholic leads to a terminal illness that is counteracted by a literal scientific miracle in the eleventh hour due to her partner's refusal to accept her impending death- could both happen at all and happen well. none of the themes in the cancer arc were new to txf at all. they'd all been lurking, to some extent, in the background since the pilot. the cancer arc wasn't merely milking a left-field catastrophe for the drama, it shoved the overarching themes of the show to the front and said look. look what these people are to each other. look how impossible it is to face the darkness alone. regardless of when the plotline was conceived, it was always going to happen. it was the only way the story could have ever gone. they were always doomed from the beginning

#the writers also- and this is going to be a very unpopular opinion i'm sure- did themselves HUGE favors #by keeping mulder & scully still SO emotionally uptight and miscommunicative even though it would be so easy not to #because it feels REAL. this is how these characters would really react to these circumstances #they wouldn't suddenly become all sappy. they wouldn't talk to each other. they wouldn't know HOW #mulder would always just grieve and grieve and grieve and throw his life away to save her #wail silently into her bedclothes so his anguish doesn't burden her further #and scully would always insist that she's fine. she wouldn't leave him for anything not even her own health #she would never be able to tell him that she's scared of what he'd do when she was gone. she loves him far too much #anyway. is this coherent #arwen.text #the x files

[mysillyside]

The way I completely lose all interest in Lawlight as a ship if Light isn't Kira. And frankly, I feel like L would agree with me on this one. I don't think he'd gaf abt Light in the slightest if Light wasn't Mr. Serial Killer.

#Lawlight only works if Light is Kira bc otherwise light is just some rly smart pretentious teenager. #Like you're telling me L a 24 y/o self made multi-millionaire and the world's greatest detective (top 3 if you count the aliases)- #would care in the slightest abt mr “i got a perfect score on my college entrance exam”. Be fr!! #Idk the ship loses everything that makes it fun and appealing to me if you remove Kira from the mix #Ik ppl do “Light isn't Kira” AUs to make the ship more wholesome but i'd argue it just becomes problematic in a diff way. #L is not only way older but also extremely rich and successful. If Light is innocent but still a suspect- L also has immense power over him #Ig i don't see the point of trying to make Lawlight wholesome. It's still problematic but without the goofy homoerotic enemyship. #Light being Kira not only makes them equals but gives them spice! #However I DO get the appeal of “Light isn't Kira” AUs where Light is still a fake asshole who's performatively nice but hides his real feel #But removing his misogynistic swag/superiority complex/his bitchy internal monologues to make him normal? No... #Imo even if he isn't Kira he'd still be a weirdo. The only Yotsuba!Light is so normal/nice is bc he's trying to prove to everyone- #but most importantly himself- that he's a good person incapable of being Kira. He's trying to be the best version of himself. #Pre-Death Note Light for example is never as outstanding and good as Yotsuba!Light for this reason. Yotsuba!Light is the exception. #Like the Death Note doesn't make you pretentious or hate women that was all Light Yagami. #this is such a random rant sorry guys XD again more power to ppl who enjoy this AU or normalguy!Light but I don't get it personally 😔 #death note #light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #💬 katposts #🤪 sillygoofy

[brittlebutch]

Jay's hypocrisy is a little bit endearing to me ngl; he'll go on twitter to bitch about how much totheark stalking/filming him is causing life-ruining paranoia & then turn around and post video footage of himself stalking Alex for months and reading Tim's medical records out loud to an audience with seemingly no conscious thought connecting the two actions as The Same Thing

#N posts stuff #I'm doing rewrites of my character notes on my neocities page bc i get to be as longwinded as i want to on there #so i'm thinking about this again; totheark being a direct narrative parallel of Jay is so fucking funny bc like #totheark knows that they're parallels but i don't think that Jay does lmao #like in Entry59 Jay doesn't seem Shocked by Tim's reaction to finding out that Jay has been stalking/posting about him #like he acknowledges that he can in some way Relate to the way Tim feels... and then One Month Later he publicly shares #Tim's real life medical records & talks about how pissed he is that some of the personal information was censored .. like lol #babygirl what's going on in that head of yours; i'm not even sure you know #mh lb #marble hornets

[scintillyyy]

can you really talk about tim's tendency to idolize and place dick on a pedestal and his semi-entitlement to understanding dick without also talking about dick's tendency to project his own feelings and insecurities onto tim and also his semi-entitlement to his right to try and micromanage how tim should feel and react about things. i, personally, cannot.

#dick and tim #anyways trust me when i say that none of this is meant in a negative way because this is what i Like about them lmao #forever thinking of the M/F fight where dick expects that tim will go alone with his line of thinking just because he says so #and is shocked when tim doesn't and instead has his own thoughts and feelings abt the matter #and babs has to tell him that tim isn't him & had a fundamentally different experience to him #it's like hmmm very realistic to me #the way they do this to each other in a way that almost is depersonalizing but like isn't actually #it's more just that they understand each other so well most of the time that it's easy to forget that they're their own person #with their own thoughts and feelings #like hm. there is something very realistically siblings about it in that #older siblings do tend to try and dominate the relationship with their thoughts and feelings because #their first memories are of being expected to lead their sibling and the sibling usually comes at a time when the older sib is v possessive #so the older sibling conceives the younger sibling as belonging to them and being kind of a hm extension of them vs their own person #meanwhile the younger sibling has no knowledge of a life where the older sibling doesn't exist #and the younger sibling's experience is that of observation of the older sibling from basically the very first day of life #so the younger sibling will often see and perceive the older sibling in very interesting ways #they're always learning something with thay observation good or bad #and thus probably develop more instrinsic understanding than even the parents do #and conflict comes because each is their own person but it's hard to see them that way sometimes #anyways there's also another thread where for dick it's hard to conceptualize tim's family of origin as real compared to them #but that's like mainly headcanon just know i'm right and it's interesting

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[carlyraejepsans]

i think i might be legit happy for the first time in my life.

i got out. i actually got out.

#and i mean unabashedly #fully wholly no ifs no buts no compromises. I'm out i have friends REAL friends like irl we hit it off so well in just a few days #we're all here cause we all love the same things i can hop on a bus and go anywhere i want in the city (ANNUAL BUS PASS FOR 25€. HELLO???) #i live on my own I'm meeting my roommate tomorrow and ik she's a sweetheart my professors are trans friendly the prices on stuff are decent #I GET TO USE MY OWN NAME. #i get gendered correctly even with long hair this is the first time in my life where i recognize myself in the mirror #this still doesn't feel real. if i think about it too hard i start to tear up #i think the local mutual aid group might even have resources to get started on hrt

[zivazivc]

guess who

I've seen a few artists I like making human art and I got inspired to make my own.

First version was based just on their character designs and personality, and what inspired their look in the first place. Second version happened when I took into account their backstory and what I imagine human versions of their parents' would look like. I don't consider either of these "canon", because to me they're just trolls but it was a fun experiment to try.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming of me drawing little colorful dolls

#my dumbasses 🫶 #ex bandmates #trolls oc #hed #les #dreamworks trolls #trolls #human trolls #my art #Trolls genres are weird and even though I can see them kind of as different human races (along other things) #I don't think you can compare them with real world races/nationalities. #As in I don't think you can point at a troll genre and say it's the equivalent of x race. #For me it varies from troll to troll even between trolls who are related. #So making a 'perfect' human version of these two brothers started feeling more and more like #like a mission impossible the more time I spent on this... #So these drawings are just two attempts #and I wanted to share. #also on a different note #the first les's hair is supposed to look pretty greasy. can anyone tell? (bc a friend said they can't see it) #and i feel like the first hed doesn't fit stylistically with the rest #probs because i drew him first. after not drawing a human for like 4 months (such is the life of a troll obsessor) #but i do love how he looks so i didn't want to go in and redraw him #also i don't have any more motivation for this and i just keep focusing on and picking at lil details #so i'm posting to get it off my hands :P

[darubyprincx]

to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

#ray's tag #keys' art #undescribed #skeletons #ok to reblog #the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr! #so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear #(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing #that i've ever drawn) #anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav #it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it #that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it. #often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to #especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently #it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow #my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints #but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us) #i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts. #so i put it into a spotlight. #ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients #I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i #a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie #especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones #we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone #or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare #so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone #will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay #we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it #(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont #actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)

[mamawasatesttube]

not to be a bitch but like. i can never take "ohhhh kon is soOOoOoo sad about tim/ber uwaahhhh he's in love with tim but it's unrequited waaahhhh" angst seriously because like... i get it, the only thing you know about kon is that he's the other half of a popular m/m tim ship, but uh. rebirth kon is living an existential fucking nightmare. i think he's got way bigger fish to fry than whether the tim who only kind of remembers him at all is dating some other guy lmao

#rebirth tim even after getting his memories of kon back feels more like at least some of them are very vague and dreamlike #and of course ymmv interpretation wise but to me. if my friend no longer remembers formative experiences they shared with me clearly #i would not feel like they are the exact same friend i lost. i think that's a horrifying kind of grief. this is not the same person #like in yj19 tim refers to the memory yj98 issue 7 camping trip as being like a dream he once had #and kon has to be like uh that was real #like SORRY I JUST DON'T THINK HE'S THAT PRESSED ABOUT PRIME EARTH TIM'S DATING LIFE LMAO #SUPERMAN doesn't remember him and you're telling me he's moping about BERNARD?????? #anyway. this has been another episode of ''i like timkon but everyone else in the timkon tag is my fucking enemy'' with rimi merils #holds up a knife. appreciate kon as a character outside of tim or else. i am no longer asking #rimi talks #kon

[riricitaa]

Here

Fixed it 😌

#well my bff actually did #she was as excited as me and she's not even that invested in fandom #this day was so beautiful #that it doesn't feel real #ghosted #spoilers #ghosted spoilers #sebastian stan #chris evans #stucky #evanstan