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journaloftomfooleryandjapery · 4 years

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All the TOP 10 OF THE DECADE posts made me want to make one of my own, so here’s my 10 fave games this decade:

Yakuza 0 Shovel Knight Nier Automata Metal Gear Rising Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX Final Fantasy XV Scott pilgrim vs the world the game Undertale Persona 5 Doom

Danganronpa 2, New Vegas, Touhou Luna Nights, Katana Zero and Mario Odyssey all only barely missed out, and it was a tough decision not to include them. I loved the shit out of those games but thinking it through I decided they were just slightly less loved by me than the above.

Below the cut are some extended thoughts (of varying length) on the games included:

Just CTRL F if you wanna find a specific one

Yakuza 0

Every Yakuza game is delightful and this is definitely the best one, in my opinion. The Yakuza games appeal to me for a lot of reasons: the combat, the story, the variety of activities, the look of it all and the music. I feel like its a very unique game experience with its blend of weird in-depth side activities, serious crime drama, manly man masculine combat friendship melodrama, metal gear-esque convoluted conspiracies and a surprisingly compassionate view of the world it takes place in.

The combat is what drew me in initially because it just feels good, the feedback of stomping on a dudes face in yakuza is delivered perfectly, and the attacks are brutal, hard and flashy. Its a very solid and satisfying combat system and in 0 its the best it has ever been. The ability to switch between 3 different and equally fun fighting styles on the fly really lets you mix things up and adapt your approach, every style feels fun and useful. If i had to pick a favorite it would be slugger, but its a tough choice, and they are all very viable and FUN.

Yakuza 0 also gets big points for having the best story in the series. The protagonists feel much more interesting in this era, the fights feel more earned in this game than others, the relationships are incredibly touching (I’m almost mad majima didnt stay with makoto) and the substories (and some parts of the main story) are the funniest they’ve ever been. Stuff like the quasi-stealth mission where you have to make sure women don’t see you buying a porn magazine for a child, and the extended scene of kiryu trying to guess the right business manners for a meeting had me laughing so much i was i was almost in physical pain.

The extensive business and host club substories get you tons of extra game content and are good enough to almost be there own game. The other games in the series have extended side activites of varying quality, but i think 0 had a rare case of all of these being, basically, perfect. The team obviously agrees since host club management came back repeatedly, but never as good as it was here.

Being set in the 80s elevates almost everything in the game because of the outfits, money flying out of every enemy you attack, the classic sega games you can play at the arcade (Outrun is so much fun and I’d have never have given it a proper go otherwise) and the disco minigame everyones made a meme out of (that music is so catchy).

As a final note this game has the best boss fights and music in the series, which is a very high standard to surpass when you look at the rest of the series. The dual final boss fights, the recurring boss for kiryu and almost every majima fight are highlights of the entire series for me.

0 is going to end up being one of the few games I’ll never sell my copy of because i want it available for me to play forever, its a complete delight.

Shovel Knight

This game has been analysed to hell and back, so i wont have much original to say i suppose. Admittedly i did enjoy the first campaign but it didnt completely win me over, plague knights campaign and beyond was what really made this an all time greats for me. It’s one of very few games that gets the NES+SNES platforming appeal 100% right and essentially surpasses most games of the day, with almost perfect pacing, challenge and level design. IT helps that the whole world and story and look is charming as all hell. It’s an easy game to love and the more you play it the more that feels justified. Being PACKED with great content is also a plus. If you liked the first campaign you can just keep going through a set of campaigns about as good that only really rehash some level assets. I would say its one of the best 2D platformers ever for me, if not quite my true number 1.

ALSO JAKE KAUFMAN KNOCKS IT OUT THE PARK WITH THIS SOUNDTRACK

Since i have little else to add to the shovel knight discussion, here’s my ranking/thoughts on each campaign

Plague of shadows. BEST storyline, great levels with a really cool gameplay gimmick, the characters are all cute and the ending really makes me feel for him. both sorry for him at first and then a very real AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW for LOVE

King of cards. king knight is just fun as hell to play as, he doesnt have that many tools but his movement is just crazy fun and i love the flair in all his animations. also has that rad final boss. joustus is ok i guess.

Shovel of hope. uuuuuuh what can i even say about this. its good, and the melancholy dream bits add a lot to the mood of the story. we’ve already analysed this campaign within an inch of its life i dont think i can say anything new. wish we could fight the battletoads on pc.

Specter of torment. still fun and i appreciate the tone change, but i didnt care as much for the characters and the mega man-esque level select doesnt suit shovel knight imo. specter knight has a lot of fun movement options though. mainly i just love GRINDING and the diagonal slash. i dont give a fuck about reize

Nier Automata

I feel a tiny bit ashamed i have so little to say about this considering it is one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had with a story. If i lsten to the final version of weight of the world i still cry just from remembering this game and how it made me feel. i think its one of the greatest narratives of the century but i can barely get across the appeal to anyone who hasnt already played it. its a story about hope, despair and the nature of the human race that never feels like its preachy or pretensious or taking on more than it can handle. it made me feel all kinds of emotions deeply and intensely, it genuinely made me burst into tears about 10 times, maybe more. even putting aside the ggrand narrative, theres so many cool character moments and bits of world building and visual eements and tragic little side stories that you would need a whole book to talk about them all while doing any real justice to them. i loved it so much that im paying £70 to see an orchestra do the soundtrack live. I want to hug and kiss 2b and 9s better. i just love it deeply and i find it hard to explain why it makes me feel that way, but its a dark beautiful and hopeful story where every moment feels earned. the despair of the story giving way to genuine hope with the rest of the world helping you fight for it is such an intensely emotional moment that you could never replicate outside of this kind of story and medium. how the fuck do i explain that to anyone that doesnt already get it. I’m glad this game exists

Metal Gear Rising

Well, complete tone shift here. Platinum made a lot of great action games in the last decade that all dig into that same itch for DODGE SLOW MOTION BANG BANG BANG alongside great soundtracks, visuals and awesome set piece moments. Just intense, flashy, awesome combat. Picking a favorite of the decade was the hard part, because a platinum game had to be one of my faves of the decade. The closest was transformers, but mgr has a couple of things about it that put it above the rest of the platinum catalog for me.

The story actually works very well at still being metal gear while in the platinum formula, its about the cycle of violence and FINDING YOUR OWN PURPOSE and it works weirdly well. The strangest part is that it feels like a legitimate sequel to metal gear 4 tonally while still being the crazy action game it is

Raiden is just super fun to play as, while I’ll always miss the DODGE SLOWMO in a platinum game parry and zandatsu give a great flow to fights and there’s real exhilaration to parrying a hard chain of attacks and tearing out a bunch of enemies spines at once every time

raiden is also just a fun protag, it truly allows me to embrace that kind of stereotypical edgy cool anime swordsman he embodies

BEST PLATINUM SOUNDTRACK DO NOT @ ME

Bosses just rule

one of the best final bosses ever, in my opinion? maybe that’s controversial, but armstrong gets an insane amount of characterization and pure PRESENCE out of such a small amount of screen time and the fact he feels like such a perfect rival to raiden so quickly is kind of nuts to me. within about half an hour you are ready for the ultimate final showdown with everything at stake, and then the gameplay 100% delivers on that with a fight that is challenging as hell and just feels climatic and intimidating. its a little thing, but having this dude just smack you around with his hands and almost no fighting skill after a game filled with crazy flippy cyborg ninjas makes him feel TOUGH and the way you finish him off? it just rocks, plain and simple. I don’t think i need to justify slices a massive dudes chest open and ripping out his giant still beating robot heart as the music climaxes and our cool edgy protag literally says WE’RE DONE HERE. truly, it has to be this way.

Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX

For fast twitchy 2d platformers this barely beat out Katana Zero and Touhou Luna Nights, but i think its just a little better. The skill ceiling on this game is high as hell and once you really get to grips with it, its an experience you cant find anywhere else. its just satisfying as hell to be able to get through the point where you can ZOOM through these levels by making use of copen’s dash and lock-on and weapons well enough. once you get good enough to get through a hole level without touching the ground, you just cant go back. I liked this enough to get an S rank on almost every level. this game just rules, man.

story, art and music are all great as well. but they pale in importance next to zippy jetpack zoom zoom fun time.

also great for having a cool twist that i genuinely did not see coming at all

Final Fantasy XV

For context, my experience of FFXV was not the base game so i cannot personally address the concerns of the version at launch, which i hear from others was a total mess! The game has been updated and changed so much that it is probably almost unrecognizable aside from the absolute base aspects of it. The version i am talking about is, as far as we know, the “final” version released right before Episode Ardyn. There was of course an update after this, but it only added DLC compatibility and a few items, so it means very little in the grand scheme. I also played all of the dlc and watched all the periphery material to get the full, messy disjointed experience. it is also worth noting that the only other FF game i have played is the classic title Mario Hoops 3 on 3 Basketball. I feel it important to tell you this before getting into things so that you can have a full idea of the perspective i come at the game from.

This was chosen over Mario Odyssey and someone will probably kill me for that. I just think its a great emotional story that does a fantastic job of making you care for all the characters, and the world feels massive and full of cool stuff to see. It’s my favorite open world game and i love The Boys. its not the kind of thing i usually play but i think it genuinely had a great story and its a very fun game to just explore and spend time in. ffxv truly understands the emotional bond between The Lads and it is fun to kill big monsters with your party

(they kinda ruin the last cutscene in english, in japanese he says I LOVE YOU GUYS and it makes me cry but in english he goes U GUYS ARE THE BEST which just isnt the same. a small nitpick though. a lot of this game made me cry regardless, its just great at creating an emotional bond)

I admire the insane level of ambition in the visuals and scope, and i bought every dlc for it because it was just that good. the ifrit boss fight and all the giant monsters are just amazingly epic in scale. the “found a cool rock” post is what i truly admire about this game summed up.

all the ancillary material for the game is great and worth getting into, with the exception of the Comrades multiplayer expansion. Everything else adds depth to the story and the world without being entirely necessary for you to get through the story. the anime and the dlc all really feel worth getting into without being something you have to see to get The Full Experience

the giant monsters are cool

Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game

Being from 2010 this game only just makes it in, but it was my favorite beat em up this decade and a source of great nostalgia for me. It had a pretty big impact on music and art tastes in regards to games, and in retrospect this games existence was very much a dream team scenario. Paul Robertson is a great sprite artist who does a lot of good work, Anamanaguchi have gone on to become one of my favorite bands (another winter is still one of their best tracks imo) and at the time this came out i was obsessed with scott pilgrim. That plus the beat em up gameplay makes this kind of a perfect blending of a lot of my specific tastes. Playing this brings me back to the time in my school life that i played it very distinctly, a more comfortable time in my life for sure, and i think the game still stands up excellently. I hope that someday it will get a rerelease so others can enjoy it. I give this another play through every year or so, but i wish id gotten the dlc while it was still available

Doom

ITS VIOLENT ITS FAST ITS FUN ITS METAL

i like this game because of the intense adrenaline rush and violent catharsis it gives me, essentially a constant dopamine rush

fun game good

Undertale

I’m glad i got to this before the massive wave of spoilers and popularity came about. It’s a great story with some fun gameplay, and i think SANS UNDERTALE was one of the best boss fights this decade. Its a shame that for so many new players this experience is going to be ruined by spoilers

Persona 5

Danganronpa 2 and fallout new vegas were close contenders for this last spot. I actually made a post about my thoughts on this game before https://journaloftomfooleryandjapery.tumblr.com/post/184341270554/nue-is-great-love-his-goofy-design-when-life-will but essentially

Essentially, its got a great cast of characters, a cool slick look, great monster designs, a fun gameplay loop of collecting monsters and grinding stats while waiting for the next big event, and a surprisingly good story

No idea if royal is any good, but its on a pretty small list of games that i might actually take the time to replay

#game thoughts

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eventhorion · 4 years

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this is from a comment section on yt. Am i the asshole

Event Hʘriךּon: when will we realize that otherkin and transgeners are basically the same... xXComplexXx : transgenders* and, that is not even remotely true Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXx where are the differences. Both think they are something they are not, think they are born in the wrong body, and think that feelings make reality. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon so what you're saying is, you don't understand the difference between species and gender? Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx oh i do. but i also understand that the concept of gender has been made up. Like, the difference between gender and sex. there is no difference. But the real problem is not me using a similitude, but the lack of ability in certain people to differentiate between fact and fantasy. Now, im quite happy for any sex to wear and act however they want, heck, i even fall in that category. My issue is with people that believe they are one gender they are not. Its alright if you are into playing a child when you are with your partner in a roleplay scenario, another thing is being convinced you are actually 9 year old. Im not conflating all of these things btw, species, race, age, sex. Im just trying to show how you wouldnt accept it if someone took one fact about their person and warped it. Im white, you wouldnt like it if went around saying im black when im not. Now, what if i adore the jewelery they make? the dresses they wear? the songs they sing? (im thinking of a certain part of africa in this case, just for this example) Im free to buy a beautiful dress, go to sing with my choir, buy the jewelry and boost that part of the economy. That is just human culture being shared and spread. But the second i go around and say i identify as black, and even go and actively change my skin color (like a reverse michael jackson, and it already happened in some cases too), not only everyone would see that as disrespectful, but i would be actively be ignoring the fact that im as white as a sheet. And try to put any other part of me in the place of the word "black". and youll see why im concerned. We are in the era of ignoring the facts, and this is one of them. I will end by saying, im actually a transhumanist, if you can believe it. I believe in the power of humans to become whatever they like. But just like natural evolution, you cant outgrow your anchestry. We can evolve ourselves (genetically or by body modification) in something new, but we cant stop being the sons and daughters of our anchestors. We are still monkeys, we are still mammals, we are still amniotes, we are still eukariotes. We can evolve in more branches, not jump between them. A woman can evolve a new way to be woman, that looks like a man, but she cant become a man. That wont stop her being a person either, it just a delusion, and we shouldnt be shaming delusions either. Just not encouraging them, because its a slippery slope, and we already know there is a pit at the end of it. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon While it is true that sex is unchangeable, the modern concept of gender as a whole exists as a means to be comfortable in your own skin. there have been many scientific studies showing that being transgender is, in fact, a real thing. And the ones that "prove" it isn't have been debunked. If someone was born as a women but wishes to be acknowledged as as a man or vice versa, would being a decent human and treat them as they ask be harming anyone? No, it wouldn't. So why should you go out of your way to make others feel worthless? Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXxThe sense of "worthless" is not coming from me but from themselves. They would be worth exactly 1 like everyone else to me. If being treated like everyone else is an offense to them, that is a problem, their problem to be exact. If the fact that they are delusional changes how they are treated by society that is because we need to have an honest discussion about mental health in this society, not that we should accept their belief as true.. This gender thing is nonsense. Yes, it exists just like people actually think they are a wolf trapped in a human body. They are 100% convinced of this, so the fact that they believe it is real. Doesnt mean they are tho. And its not harmless. When you depart from reality its never harmless. It seeps in what you do and what you believe, and the second you allow one thing to be departed from reality, there is no stopping it, without special pleading. Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXx Also i have nothing against a man wearing a 'woman's' dress, in fact i find it hella rad. My problem lies with what people believe. I wear mans clothes on the daily, i speak more closely to a masculine type, and i otherwise act more like a man than a woman, apart from the little things that make me me. No quantity of act will change what i am, only i can come to terms with how i was born. I will change what that looks like, but i cant parade around thinking im something else. I can make a new image of me, like a dinosaur can evolve into a bird. But a dinosaur cant become a mammal. It can converge in something similar, but it would be its own thing. That is what i wish people understood and did. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon I never said being treated like everyone else was offensive. If that is how it came off, I apologize. I'm saying we should be treated like everyone else and not get shit on. And just because you dress like a man doesn't make you a man. If you dress like a man and don't identify as a man, then you are not. How is this concept so hard to grasp? Gender isn't physical. Yes there are two sexes, but there more genders. Gender is your state of mind. A part of your identity. Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx so its completely made up and useless. i mean it can be a fun concept to throw around,like me feeling a bit alien compared to everyone else. It doesnt mean that if i identify as alien, i am (apart from the literary, metaphorical sense). the problem lays with districating the Man and Woman word from egos. You are a man, a blank sheet that you can costumize. Dont stop being a sheet tho. My problem is that when they "Identify" they think anything is ok. If i identify as a crow, i am mistaken in my identification. its alright if i feel more confortable in a bird suit a beak and with people throwing bread at me. Some people have kinks, or have a lifestyle different than most, its fine. But its not alright when we stop considering reality, and whe Demand that it bends at our own will. State of mind is too merky to have any value. What if people start identifying as two year olds when they are 50? is that state of mind justifyed? is there a limit to what we can ignore just because someone thinks that the act of Identifying is reality altering? Can someone be wrong about identifying? what if i sincerely identify as the qeen of england. 'I identify as X' is a statement that can be proven false or true, like everything else in reality. It is true that they identify as X, it is not true that that identification correlates to reality: they are wrong in their identification. To be fair humans are not perfect at identification, we thought that wind had a mind of its own because we identified movement with agency. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon Even if all you said was true, why do you care so much? Why would you go out of your way to tell people who've made a choice ,that affects their life and not yours, that they are wrong? Why force people to be confined to the "limits" of our reality? You really think that they're going to listen to you and force themselves to be miserable living a life they can't stand? Are they hurting anyone? No. Are they hurting themselves? Most cases, no. Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx why do i care about reality? because when people think something, they act upon it. Its not true that it doesnt affect anybody else. we share a reality, what other people do affect everyone. Otherwise we wouldnt take care of schizofrenic people, or narcisistic ones, or we would leave cults alone. You dont get to live in a pocket dimension. If someone in their mind think they are better than everyone else, that will impact how they act, who they vote, influence everything around them. If someone think they are trash, they wont fight for themselves when the time comes, they might think that life doesnt matter and not intervene to save others or themselves when they could. It matters. It matters if someone thinks that god will care for them in the next life, and their loved ones will burn in hell if they dont convince them that their god is real. It affect everybody. They might think that their god has a plan for their children, so they wont cure them if they get a disease. It matters. It matters when we let go of reality because the inside of our mind feels better. Expecially because in your mind you are alone. And we need to be less alone, not more. And inside your mind no one can criticise you, or teach you new things, or make new experiences. You can tell yourself stories and no one can say otherwise. we need to live in the real world. If they feel miserable in the real world, that is a symptom of depression, and psychologists exist for that exact purpose. And detachment and dissociation is unhealty.

#trans

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ouuchyie · 5 years

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10 biases from 10 groups

Thank you to @feedmeramyun for tagging me.. this is so hard for me cus im the worlds least loyal fan lol ALSO the way i bias and the way i lust are very different. my bias doesnt always correspond to who im most thirsting for.. does that make sense? no? yeah i thought so. also im doing it in order of the bands that got me into kpop, so i guess chronologically?

1. T.O.P

what a goof. i want to take this special moment to thank BIG BANG and especially Seunghyun and his solo work for properly getting me into KPOP. If it wasn’t for them i wouldn’t have been so deep in the fandom.

2. SUGA // August D

now going down through time, we have BTS and the one and only MIN motherfucking Yoongi. at first i had my eye set on Joonie, cus like... an actual genius? rapper? savage remarks? IN ENGLISH? but then i realised Yoongi has all of that PLUS his amazing flow that is exactly the type of rap i love... yeah its him. its always going to be him.

3. Jinyoung

lol jinyoung was originally a rapper AHAHHAHAHA ok but his part in King fucked with me. idk what else to say but he is oozing dom energy and im a filthy sub. thats it thats the story.

4. Lay.

Exo may be THAT bitch... the one group who constantly bias wrecks me from all sides. and i MAY love Chanyeol. and i MAY have said on multiple occasions that Chanyeol would be a perfect partner for me. BUT YIXING? he is always going to be my one and only im sorry. lol im an Exo-M elitist what can i do!? He can make me drop all my uwus AND my pants simultaneously and NO ONE should have this much power. and yet there he is. existing.

5. TEN

Now NCT has multiple sub units and I DO have a bias for each one but i cant just fill this list with NCT so im going with the OG bias once again. hes dirty minded, sassy, and an amazing dancer? what more can i want from a bias? im not even inlove with him i just want to be his friend.

6. TAEMIN

I just love him and everything he does. I dont have a speech prepared i just love him and i dont have to justify it.

7.Heechul

now a few years ago? i wouldnt have been into him im sorry. But now ? That man aged like fine wine and im all for it. Call it daddy issues i dont care. TBH his humour got me lol if you ask me who i think is the hottest out of suju i would answer SIWON but heechul? my bias and im proud of it.

8. BRIAN

i love his smile i love his eyes i love his voice i love his style i love his guitar... i just love him ok? Jae and I can vibe and i love his humour but i cant deny my attraction to Brian.

9. I.M.

I’m IM. What a cutie, what a little precious cutie. His flow? amazing. but also hes a huge goof so he had me immediately.

10. Hani

Im sorry this has been a sausage fest lol Hani is so beautiful? And sexy? Is this allowed? who authorised this? but shes also so so so smart? and a role model ok lets appreciate HANI.

honourable mentions: CL (2ne1 was that one kpop group i listened to before actually being into kpop) and Amber are also my biases but their groups are kinda no more so i didnt include them.

Im gonna tag @loser-dot-com. Attempt this if you want, it was hard af lol

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anxietydiaries · 4 years

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ugh

If only people knew where i came from. They would listen, awaken, broken and beaten.

You'd think that I’d be sitting here thinking about everything, but my head is filled with holes, life with no meaning.

All that people have ever said to me, but their words don't even matter, you can only learn so much from an idiot, when you think that you know the world as much as the world did.

When you sit there thinking about all of the things that you believe, knowing that life is futile, alone and at ease.

And thinking about whether you're right or wrong, thinking that you have it all. for me, it's more about morality, it's not perfect, but it works, because its raw..

Morality is a non-arguable stance, you can't make’em shift, you can't make em dance. you can't change their mind unless they themselves choose to do so, and experience something that makes the colors change.

Your mind is only something that you choose to change, no one else can do that unless faced with the brave, the active decision to have a discussion is there in one single place. Yet you all argue over the same tired talking points. racism, sexisim, gender, and choice.

when you wake up in the morning, is the first thing you do is think about what you might argue today? Do you think about who you are going to piss off, or hurt, harass, embarrass, or shame?

Do you even consider for one second how your actions can affect someone?

I really doubt it, because you only think of yourself and what you want, and then some.

What's really funny to me is that there are people who exist that try to do the right thing, saying wise things, yet have all the wrong knowledge. What an anomaly, special, but pointless.

Can you really live with yourself knowing that you believed in lies, and tried to use the past to justify your retarded guise? the past is a poor argument. yet People sit there and say, the past is in the past, and we need to focus on change. the world isn't so black and white and blue and gray.

I know when people say that, they worry more of leaving things behind, but that justifies nothing, than learning from lies, it's the past and they should use that for their future. It’s super annoying. but it's important, its for our overture.

With today's social climate, i hate that people use the past to attack others, yet they never grasp, using insults to tear someone down mentally and emotionally, how do you live, knowing that damage is overkill?

while sitting on their computer and phones complaining about the word “retard” and crying on about how its a slur when the term is allocated to the damage of technology.

You’d really think that people can be more intelligent, but really they're stupid as fuck. It leaves me worried with everything that's going on, and yet people think that the world sucks.

Lack of empathy is a mental illness on earth, yet no one notices at all. We live in a world where people treasure their material possessions to the point of tearing others down. their looks and numbers and “wins” when they're really losses. funny how that that shit never matters.

Making me sick to my stomach, celebrating someone's death like that, what is wrong with people? well you can fuck off, because the same goes to you, now die with the masses.

You know it doesn't matter who you support, at the end of the day the decision will be made and yet you sit here thinking you’re on the throne, when you're really sitting on a pile of graves.

Fuck these people and everything they're about, why do we have to live with so much misinformation and doubt. YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO, DON'T YOU SEE THAT? i'm a very moral person, so it doesn't add up.

You think you're invincible, yet get your ass beat, if you have anything to say, you get whipped on the streets. Life ain't so precious when it's that easy, to find death, outside in the beautiful world.

Hiding behind your phones and keyboards, you think you're really brave, when really you're a weakling, smashing windows and vets graves. You're just a fly, easy to kill, but think you move fast when you're caught in your lies, but once your found, people smash you down, and you delete your tweet like you never made a sound.

HELLO!? the wayback machine is a thing! once it's on the internet, its there for eternity, you cant hide your shit personality, so hold your breath, with your senseless atrocity.

So i suggest one thing, use that brain of yours, the thing in your head! You're not even real, you're dead. because remember, many people have died. but that doesnt matter, because you're selfish inside.

You all cry on about abortion yet you sit there sad and disappointed, your life has no value, as much as the chain around your neck, you're worthless, and pathetic at best. Your useless, you think fucking for fun is worth it, and then once you get pregnant you throw it away like you never even heard it, and then you turn gay.

Stop opening your legs and get a brain you pathetic insect, my life started off on an off beat, and here i am, im finally breathing. Yeah my chest is tight, and i panic every night, but i'm alive and that's all that matters, because my life really does matter.

At 17, i could have killed myself, i could have died but i choose to think about it, and i'm really glad that i did, because it would have been a waste of my time and my energy to die without clearing my sins.

You think you had it worse? yeah sure thing, everyone's different, but you'll never know somebody's pain, until you learn to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND START LISTENING! its bears repeating, our whole world is glistening.

You're an ant, you're a flea, you're a parasite, living off government money, while you sit and flex on his cumming, you can't take it back and cry in your clean sheets.

Waiting for love, and you still cry, but love never comes, yet you wonder why, you're really alone, and you are the problem. Thinking you're great, when you're really nothing.

You're fat and alone and youre sad, you sit in the dark staring at your hand, wondering why you're alive. “KILL YOURSELF!! DO IT!!! I DARE YOU!!!” all of you peons, so pathetic, YOU'RE SCARED TOO!!! Sitting there fighting over nothing, but fame, and numbers and money.

When will you wake up and realize that world doesn't revolve around you? oh that's right, you're to busy only voting blue.

the KKK, the liars and cheaters, the only people that you won't even breed with. Don't have kids, don't ever spawn, because its a waste of your time. Go ahead and sit open and bare, you're a wasteland of lies that you always wear. Ears glued shut, mouth wide open, swallowing every bit of jizz he pours in your mouth.

Do you feel like a queen, a king, or a princess? Oh yeah thats right, that doesn't exist.

So say my name, you don't know it, because you're a prostitute living off men. They don't actually care about you, they care for your body, you're a walking talking hypocrite.

How you say? Now let me be clear, you're a pathetic whore living off jeers. It's embarrassing, and pathetic, i hope this make you cry, mostly out of the realization that you have nothing to supply.

The hearts of men are being used, and that's manipulation my guy. You're the worst kind of women if you don't really care, so sit there and take it all in. Because what i'm saying should make it all clear.

My body my choice but you choose to open your legs.

My body my choice but you choose to say yes.

My body my choice but you choose no protection, i hope you get a huge staph infection.

My body my choice, you chose cum inside, and here you are a week later, on your knees, vomit, crying.

WHAT HAVE I DONE? you cry to yourself, you whored yourself out for just ANYONE.

OH dear little ant, sit back and hear what i say. My body my choice is a pathetic disgrace.

Hello, im adopted, nice to meet you! im free, my mother did cocaine, yet that's why i am here. If it went any further i could have died, and that'd be it, the end, good night.

But i'm happy to be here, i cherish every moment, knowing that my mother loved me enough to put me up for adoption.

I sit before you, grinning with teeth, knowing that i have a mother and father who love me endlessly.

I can sing, i can dance, i can read really well, but what can you do? But sit there with your fancy nails.

I've heard everything, the same tired arguments. Its too hard, i have no meny, i CAN'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

What's it like to learn nothing and be mentally ill? knowing that i am yet one child who sits here eternally bare. bearing my own, taking it in stride, and life bests me from the inside, i keep fighting and breathing and winning, yet here you are, on your knees still whimpering.

oh little ant, you're so sad, i'm sorry that you lost your dad. lets make things better, now give it a think...

you're more responsible for yourself than the universe might think.

But you don't want that, you sit and you pray, wishing and hoping your baby is dead.

How sad, how lucid, how empty you might be, to be a baby killer, sitting on her knees.

you know i had a thought, so please hear me out. this wouldn't have happened if you never got out. if you stayed in your mom and lived your whole live, that abortion would have been perfect for snuffing you out, from the inside.

we are human beings, parasites of the land, so take it upon yourself to realize this. MY life could have perished, yet here i sit typing this. What are the words that you think you speak, nothing but blahs, and sighs, and eeps.

“WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CRY ABOUT IT?” shut the fuck up bitch, and lie about it.

you got so much dick in your mouth you can barely speak. thank you cum for brains for letting me speak.

good night.

0 notes

omentrash · 7 years

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I think I’m well over people trying to justify B*ghead by using the excuse that “Jughead has done many different things throughout the 75 years Archie comics have existed” as if that erases his identity.

In fact, the comics showed that in 75 years, Archie comics were able to show that no matter what Jughead did, he was still repulsed by romance. I mean he was under Sabrina’s spell in one of the recent comics in an attempt to get him to be romantic with her and all it did was increase his love for food. Do you get it? A magical spell wasn’t enough to make him heterosexual or remotely interested in sex, so why on Earth do B*ghead shippers continue to throw that excuse around?

It’s not your fault the writers are writing B*ghead and I truly believe in shipping whatever you want but the fact this ship is canon in Riverdale is the problem. The fact that Cole Sprouse unapologetically defended his character’s identity only to make excuses for it by saying “aro and ace aren’t always the same” is the problem. And telling people to get over a character’s 75 years of identity being erased for another hetero ship is the biggest slap to asexual people ever.

And the thing is, it doesn’t have a lot of competition because asexuals are BARELY represented in anything fictional or not. And as far as Cole goes with his excuse for aro and ace being two seperate things- he’s correct BUT Jughead is canonically both of these things in recent comic adaptions. He doesn’t like dating, or like people more than friends. He IS repulsed by physical attraction and although he can recognize beautiful people, he is more keen on reading people and understanding them.

Im not even asexual and his aroace identity matters to me, because he’s one of the VERY few male characters who cares more about the content of character than the appearance of a person. Who would rather fall in love with your presence than your touch. He loves his friends, but he isn’t in love. For once, I’m reading about a character who cares more about the things that make us human than the thing that makes humans and its so REFRESHING.

Yes he can be cynical and sarcastic but I never argued he was perfect. This isn’t about a perfect person. Its about representation. Its about the fact people can hate the idea of physical contact and still enjoy the company of others and care for them.

And for those in the lgbtq+ community that try to erase asexuals from said community, you are literally making this whole thing the oppression olympics. This is about love and acceptance and not shunning aromantic people for not wanting any part of romance. Its about asexuals who just don’t want sex. Its about recognizing that yes, THEY matter too. And I can name several instances of Gay, Lesbian, Trans, Bisexual representation. The only ace character I can immediately name is Jughead Jones.

He is canonically aroace and Riverdale has no good justifiable reason to erase his identity. Both of those go hand in hand with Jughead. That doesnt mean every ace person is aro but it DOES mean Jug is and the constant excuses for this erasure in the show is just wearing, not just for aroace people, but people who are happy to see the representation presented so matter of fact.

#jughead jones #asexual #aromantic #aroace #representation

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metalempire · 7 years

Photo

so using the digimon picker i was able to find my top 20 favourite digimon it seems. the list itself reads right to left and goes in descending order, so i’m going to list them off in ascending order and give reasons as to why they got on the list it seems. a noticable trend on this list is dark themed, red coloured or metallic digimon.

20. scorpmon

it’s no surprise i like appmon and i do like that scorpmon harkens back to digimon designs by being edgy and having guns, plus he’s purple.i like the cameramon line so far and i liked the fight he had with dogatchmon.

19. infernmon

one of my more favourite perfect level designs, i like that his mouth has a gun hidden in it and i loved how it was in our war games. honestly its got that kind of uncanny look on its face that makes it look both evil and cunning yet not hostile. its just a design i really appreciate, plus it looks cute when it tucks its limbs in,

18. dogatchmon

i like gatchmon and navimon, so combining their designs makes something i like. no brainer really. he gets alot of good fight scenes and whatnot in appmon and honestly he looks pretty sleek yet compact. not too much to say here he’s a more basic design in appmon i appreciate for not being too silly or edgy.

17. omegamon alter-b

out of all his numerous forms, this is the omegamon im most attached to, specifically because of next-0rder. i like the idea of swapping the weapons and imbuing it with darkness and letting it run wild, as well as being an alter evolution, it just looks really cool and was a great fight in the game as well. plus its just got a cool name.

16. millenniumon

i always thought its previous form as kimairamon was a clusterfuck of colours, yet had potential as a design. so dampening those colours to darker greys, blacks and a little blue accented with that yellow and blue aura with those sick mugen cannons on it help bring the design together really, plus it looks thinner and meaner than its perfect form.

15. leviamon

my favourite demon lord. i like marine life that can kill you and has teeth. plus im a very envious person, so this thing stuck with me, especially since he’s the most different looking out of the demon lords. i just like the idea of a giant crocodile being the second most powerful among the demon lords with a mouth big enough to rip a building in half if he wanted to. plus having two tails is cute.

14. chaosdukemon

honestly the uses of dull purples, blues and a shade of grey thats not quite black and not steel coloured either makes a very subtly impressive design, one that would convey dread over terror. im particularly fond of how its shield looks to be honest.

13. herakleskabuterimon

the only one who doesnt quite fit the theme of this list too well. huh. either way i think the tentomon line is a decent one only upstaged by a few others in adventure as it goes, yet ends up being my favourite ultimate from tri when all the kids get ultimate evolutions. i do like how it has a few nods to kuwagamon and has enough going on yet stays simple by using a mostly one colour. it looks powerful without trying too hard and i feel like i can respect this thing.

12. megidramon

i consider this to be guilmon’s true ultimate really and it does look quite terrifying. it has acidic saliva, hellfire themed design, elements of megalogrowlmon such as the arm blades and looks like a scary dragon rather than a dinosaur. i also like its lack of legs for some reason. when i imagine the digital hazard this thing first comes to mind, because it looks like a menace to any digimon really. its a woefully underused design and one that sticks with me to this day as something that really stood out in tamers.

11. megaseadramon

seadramon’s design was simple but not memorable really. megaseadramon has a much more effective design, using colours that mesh better, i like that its hair looks like algae and i like the metal twisted horn that shoots lightning, hearkening back to betamon. i also find it kind of cute, its slender and looks like it’d probably kill you on sight and i kind of like its demented eyes.

10. diablomon

yaoi hands. i like how diabolical this thing looks, it has wild eyes, a villain’s hairstyle and a nice way of walking that reminds you its kind of a bug but not really. those long arms that just whip around to slap you just add to it really when paired with its comparatively little legs. again our war games plays into how much i like this thing, since it was fast, cunning and powerful. quite alot for whats essentially the personification of the y2k bug.

9. globemon

red google daddy. fuck me this is the first appmon design i’d probably fuck. just look at him, sleek, tall, strong shiny. he moves in a very exaggerated fashion and is so laughably overpowered in concept that he can basically attack the entire earth with one move. i like the use of lasers and lights in his design and that he replaces most of the white and green from dogatchmon with timemon’s bright gold to look kind of regal yet commanding.

8. alphamon

best waifu. something about them hips man.... anyway, alphamon is probably op as shit for being able to rewind time and blast apart dexdorughoramon with one attack, as well as having a sword made of light and whatever the fuck an ouryuken is. its got a wide arsenal and pulls off a great black knight look, i like that its the leader of the royal knights who’s never actually there, just existing to control them if need be. x-evolution and cyber sleuth really helped endear me to alphamon, its so cool and smooth looking.

7. hagurumon

the only child level on this list, hagurumon is adorable. its essentially thee gears sellotaped together with a crooked smile. it also has one eye thats covered by a circle and one eye with a spiky circle for variety. its just so cute, it fits exactly into what i find adorable, the way it moves, the way it smiles, the industrial look it has. it’s got a place in my heart as my favourite child level for just being unconventially adorable.

6. chaosdramon

considering it’s the evolution to another digimon on this list, it wins a spot by virtue of sharing a similar design, yet adapting it. its got eyes now and even though its black skin is actually cyber in some ways, looking some cool matrix shit, it makes it look more like a dragon/dinosaur wearing red digizoit armour. i do like how it has the same weapons as its prior stage, yet they do look noticeably different, i like the return to the classic dreadnought cannons that slowly snap forward and fire one colossal blast. the whole thing looks ready to go and kill.

5. megadramon

arguably my favourite perfect level, megadramon has a classical design to me. its got that cyborg reptile thing going on that i love, its got a little tattoos, tattered wings, a metal helmet and those two missile launchers for hands. it looks ferocious and there’s enough going there to look at plus its one of the rarer instances where colours that clash a bit look kind of fitting for me. i’d like t imagine it curled up asleep sometime.

4. lordknightmon

pink’s a good colour, knights are good. lordknightmon is therefore good. i love this thing as a character, someone who will do anything if the ends justify the means, so much untapped potential for conflict with the royal knights and with itself. its good villain, but also a food hero, plus its flashy and vain, which i find entertaining. i like the elegant design alot and the fact its pink. sexy.

3. dukemon

i think everyone fell in love with dukemon the first time they saw it. it’s a timeless design, perfect uses of red and white. the weapons it has just look so good together, its body looks just right, its pretty much captivating in a way thats unique to the viewer yet always universal in that sense. i like its concept too, it tamed the digital hazard and instead used its power to protect the digital world as a holy knight instead of destroy it, even its personal justice seems to be that ones deeds determine your fate and that life is always precious. i also like that its a bit of a rebel among the royal knights once it starts thinking. be real, we’d all marry dukemon.

2. metalseadramon

i like metal digimon, i like megaseadramon. combine the two and i’m signed up lads. in a way, i find this thing really cute, hard to explain, not gonna bother. i also really like how its nose is now a giant laser cannon because it must have one hell of a sneeze. honestly though this thing is so majestic looking, its got the hair, the gold and silver metal design, the wires and pipes, all of it slenderly put together on a sleek serpent of the seas, its so beautiful in a way, a design that just comes together perfectly.

1. mugendramon

anyone who follows me is not surprised at all that this is my favourite. i adore this thing. i love that its a combo of several perfect level digimon’s cyborg parts meshed together into one incredible machine of death and destruction. honestly i consider it the best designed digimon of all time. there’s so much going on but its not a clusterfuck, everything links together so well, you can really tell its machine digimon made to be the best of the best, taking so much that worked before and amplifying it. i like cyborgs and i like robots, so this thing hits all the notes for me while still trying to look like a monster, like a mechanical chimera that looks like it fits, like all the parts were meant to be put together to assemble this glorious machine. i love its wide variety of weapons and attacks, and that its essentially a digimon who runs on malice, that it petty much exists just to fuck up everything in sight. i’ll never forget the one analogman used at the end of digimon world 1 and i love the idea that it as the first ultimate, that because of this thing so many digimon rapidly began to change and try to reach its level of power. this thing definites the level its at, that all digimon going from perfect to ultimate should use this thing as a goal of sorts, to reach its sheer level of power. and its withstood the test of time, with so many digimon at the ultimate level being so strong in their own ways, this thing can still go toe to toe with the best of them. its a raw classic that just cant be beaten in my eyes, its always going to be my favourite really. i love it.

#Digimon #long post

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skell0t-blog · 5 years

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Slipknot's Dark Side Of The Moon

My phone rang yesterday afternoon. Local cd and record store (They still exist!) had gotten my preorder of Slipknot's new album 'We Are Not Your Kind' 2 days early. The store clerk presumably echoed 'sir are you there? Sir?" As I was already backing out of my driveway and speeding over there.

Got home and realized I didnt have a cd player... Literally went back out and bought a $25 cd player from best buy. (They still exist!) Got back home and was finally ready to settle in. Brought some pillows into a carpeted room (a nursery to be, but pretty empty right now). I grabbed my favorite headphones. They're actually gaming headphones but they sound great for music. I turned the lights off. This is how I was taught to truly listen to music from a music teacher I had in highschool. Its part of the reason I dont really listen to songs before the album comes out. I want to experience the album as one cohesive piece of work first. I was ready now. I hit play. Aaaand Nothing happened. I Felt around for a power button. A blue light lit up on the cd player illuminating my dark room of ritual. Ah there we go. I hit play.

Track 1: Insert Coin: *click* The heartbeat of the album begins. Beautifully sinister. The scrambeled tech noises that have permeated songs throughout slipknots reign were placed through this album in such a way as to be thematic and tie the album together song to song and this intro foreshadows this. These sounds layered over a drone like background led my imagination to wander. I envisioned an old radio sitting on the counter of some lost space ship. Detuned and searching for a signal before grasping the next song it found. Also Im a sucker for sirens (welcome to the jungle) and alarm sounds (solway firth) and this intro delivered.

Track 2: Unsainted. The only reason this wont be considered the best song on the album is because we all listened to it 100 times before we heard the album. Its a song in the same vein as one of slipknots best songs, psychosocial. Its a banger with a beautiful refrain. Nothing has so consistantly given me goosebumps as the final scream of "YOU'VE KILLED THE SAINT IN ME!" before the final chorus kicks in. I love the heretical lines interspersed. "Your bible don't work on me." is lovely and the meaning of the chorus speaks to me a bit too. "Ill never kill myself to save my soul." To me "kill myself" is metaphorical and the idea is that of someone is telling you they know how to save your soul and that involves changing who you are at your core whether its believeing things you dont really believe, or being against things you dont want to be opposed to, then what they are really saying is you have to abandon who you are or kill who are inside in order to save your soul. This song says fuck that noise. 10/10

Track 3: Birth Of The Cruel.

It may be my new favorite line:

"I'M ALL FUCKED UP AND I MAKE IT LOOK GOOD."

I cant help but feel this would be a great theme for danarys targaryen when shes burning down kings landing. The almost sludge metal of a riff when the screaming kicks in with sids wildcat sounding scratches is some awesome layering. I love the serenading vocals throughout. Great lyrics. I could headbang to that verse riff when played by itself all day. 9.5/10

Track 4: Death Because Of Death. So this is where I first heard it... Now hang with me on this one. I get a small vibe of "Ghost" on this track and honestly It made me pause thinking of the choir in Unsainted as well. I cant help but think of "La mantra Mori." This might be sacrilege for some to hear but as an avid ghost fan it was a more than welcome surprise. I love little fills like this in general ever since Before These Crowded Streets by Dave Matthews Band (dont judge me) where every song had some little interlude. Great way of adding cohesion to an album even if the interlude its self sounds nothing like the rest of the album. I dont really want to pin a rating on this one. I just love it for what it is.

Track 5: Nero Forte. OH THANK GOD. Look we were all excited for this album and we knew the released songs were good but you have to have that tiny fear that we had already heard the best of the album and the rest was going to be supporting material. I excised that fear, exhaled, Smiled, and broke my neck when I heard "WATCH THIS!" That bass slide early on is just filthy. The chorus just a breath of fresh air. It's reminiscent of "My Plague" and is sung beautifully with Corey's full vocal range on display. 10/10

Track 6: Critical Darling. Back to back bangers. We get multiple vocal styles from #8 on this track. The prechorus is a great buildup and the chorus is just beautiful. The chorus almost feels like a nod to chester bennington. The lyrics "we tell ourselves it cant be hell if theres no heaven." Really made me think. I feel like the message of this song opposes Unsainted a bit. The bridge reminded me of ghost again. A little more nasaly and higher register than we usually hear corey. How does he keep the new stuff coming? The ending riff is filthy. And as always I love the segues after songs. 8.8/10

Track 7: Liar's Funeral. Another one with multiple vocal styles. These songs have 3 different singers and theyre all the same dude. Just amazing. I think we're meant to take this as a mix of feelings one could have and then self reflection or someone else calling out these feelings. Whoever it is saying that things are too hard and they should die is the liar. Corey is calling them a liar. Hes telling them to get a grip and stop pretending this is a warranted reaction to whatever they are going through. "LIAR! LIAR!" Its gutteral. Reminds me of "FRAUD! FRAUD!" on "Liberate." Not the strongest track but on an album like this where the bar is set so high even supporting tracks are great and like I said the mix of vocal styles is impressive and the "CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JOIN THE BLIND" part will keep me coming back to this. 8.5/10

Track 8: Red Flag. Apt name for a track with a series of warnings. Almost as if the person from the previous track is moving on from their troubles and recognizing the toxic environment they were recently trapped in. Coreys flow here is just perfect. The chorus is... scary honestly. Its beautifully terrifying. The stocato high pitch beeping from sid is great. The ending verse is amazing. And... another segue! 9/10

Track 10: Spiders. So we got a groovy ass track here! A suspenseful piano sets the tone. I swear I get a weird depeche mode new wave feel from the chorus. Has an occult rock feel once again. I get that feel quite a few times on this album when things slow down and get softer. Tracks like this give album enough variety to have some real staying power. Groovy. 9/10

Track 11: Orphan. When Corey growls "everyone has something, someone here has everything" i could just listen to that on repeat. Another banger with beautiful clean chorus. "If you wanna know my story, take my pain" Sounds deep and id like to know the full meaning behind these words. 9/10

Track 12: My Pain. On its face seems like another song about a toxic relationship. Love and pain are set up as 2 sides of the same coin. Musically its a great drone track that helps keep the atmosphere of the album consistent while still being in a different direction and mixing things up a bit. Super creepy chimes add a great effect. Again we get corey with a growl which Ill ways love. Another one that doesnt really necessitate a rating. Just a cool tone establishing song for the album.

Track 13: Not Long For This World. Corey mustve been really delving deep into some troubled times during the writing of this album. Just really dark lyrics. Sid makes the last riff splendid. Love the segue. 8/10

Track 14: Solway Firth. And I'm fucking headbanging! This track slams. Bangs. Whatever you want to call it. People are blind to tragedy when it happens to everybody else. Until it happens to them its not real. I know this song is about "the boys" comics and its a great representation of what billy butcher would be thinking and feeling. "ANOTHER NEEDLE IN THE BACK THROUGH PURIFIED SCARIFICATION." Is one of the best sung lines on this album and really makes this track the finale. 10/10

I know its still shiny. Its still new. But this is a masterpiece. A term id only endear to a handful of albums. An album can have all great songs and not be a masterpiece. It needs cohesion and running themes to take it over the bar to that next level where it stands as one piece of artwork. The constant frequency and feedback sounds are so perfect for Slipknot going all the way back to their self titled album.

My Rating: 10/10 would insert coin again.

I listen. I smile. I headbang. I feel something. Thats whats important.

SUPERLATIVES

Favorite Song: Unsainted

Favorite Riff: main riff of birth of the cruel right after "WATCH THIS!" My neck still hurts.

Favorite Line: Still sticking with "I'M ALL FUCKED UP AND I MAKE IT LOOK GOOD!" The way he delivers it with such tenacity is fucking perfect. Makes me mean mug everytime.

Favorite meaning: Liars Funeral. If my interpretation is reasonable than I really like the idea that you need to take a step back from what youre feeling and ask if youre really justified in taking it as far as you are. Its one of the toughest things to get past a feeling of victimhood as we hear in Solway Firth "it wasnt somebody else, you fucking did it to me." That may be true but to then think youre entitled to be a shithead, or selfharm, or whatever is bullshit. Youre lying to yourself.

Favorite mask: Corey. Mostly because his side eye in Unsainted just looks so bad ass.

Thank you for reading.

#Slipknot WANYK We Are Not Your Kind Review

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samanthasroberts · 6 years

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Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

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adambstingus · 6 years

Text

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

12. Ewoks

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

9. Boss Nass

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

6. Young Anakin

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168171128242

0 notes

allofbeercom · 6 years

Text

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

12. Ewoks

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

9. Boss Nass

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

6. Young Anakin

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

0 notes