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#it genuinely was that good and satisfying on every level
m0e-ru · 1 year
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losing the idgaf war
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#kommento#// playing spltoon flopping at every level and dying yelling TAKE MEEE take my brain and cradle it nicely take me into your care#// successfully fading into obscurity because im not necessarily popular nd slandering my own name further so it's smeared in history books#// and my legacy dies an untimely death if I ever had one and leave nothing behind and this gas station dissappears into the fog#// that I couldn't be the one in people's mouths when they think about this One Guy that I was no competition to anyone else#// in this so-called 'community' that was so hostile and volatile to me because I had standards and I projected too hard for my own good#// not that ive been badgered or hurt or maimed or anything i dont think i would even still be in this hellhole if that ever were the case#// but im in this specific pocket of fndom are full of freaks and i want to appease most of them and make a name for myself#// —ambitious i know— majority of these people ARE freaks and so the people who are popular ARE freak themselves#// so techincally im trying to appeal to three people but i want more when it's technically not possible#// and im a little bitch so i hate the turnout ?? this is why i'll never be satisfied in here but ive been still kicking crying and going#// i wish i wasnt a hater i wish the things i dont want to see werent so physically revolting that my heart sinks and i see red#// i wish it was a more minor thing where im a hater for about 50% of it and i can Easily Dismiss it#// than hatership being a part of my personality#// that I've earned so little and lost so much but everyone and everything that I've loved is so genuine and real and too much#// that the stakes of doing something is so high like it's gambling itself that I'm not too sure I'm satisfied with my time here#// despite all the things I believed were good that's happened already#// that if I leave right now on the fickle decisiveness of the squirrel in my brain there would be things on this figurative bucket list I#// never have accomplished and I'm not too sure I can come back to do it because of my home that looks like war trenches itself#// all this time and love I've put into this world and I'm stubborn and selfish enough to believe I have not received what I am due#// and that this love and dedication was never received by enough people as I perceive#// sorry for being a baby's first but my time here in this pit of hell has been th absolute worst and most horrid of other fndoms I've been#// and while I practice the inherent belief I am the scum of the earth and the worst person alive#// and that I leave the things I love so much behind with wordless and meaningless abandonment#// I've made so much and shared so much that enough of my love was perceived by others and that#// I've at least left myself some things behind even if it has never reached others the way I humbly wished it to#// lmao like I'm writing an overly dramatic resignation letter and I leave it front desk and when I exit the building it#// either completely disappears behind me or keeps standing but stay unmaintained for the duration I'm gone#// people could still come and go or I could make it disappear myself. I think I've done a good job at making it easy to do that#// sorry for being dramatic ? idk how to give closure on this if the time ever comes or if this Is The Closure
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gay-dorito-dust · 4 months
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How about something about being a very soft and feminine person, strong independent in their own way, with Mizu. I like to think she is joins the party and acts as the “woman” for the group, and she just genuinely is a good person. I just want to see Mizu with someone who just cares about them.
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This was way too long and whatever else you wanna call it.
‘You’ll die.’ Mizu puts bluntly.
‘I don’t care. I’m coming with you whether you like it or not.’ You shrugged, mind made up as you already have packed your essentials for the departure overnight.
Mizu closed their eyes, sighing deeply through the nose before opening their eyes once more to look directly at you with their usual stare. ‘I won’t be held responsible if you were killed unawares.’ They said but the fire of excitement and adventure within your eyes hasn’t faltered once.
Mizu can only wonder how they attract people of similar natures in one way or the other to trail after them like a little horde of stubborn ducklings; A question they’ll couldn’t quite find the answer for.
You have been prone to leave Mizu perplexed since your first met after healing them of their wounds after a particularly heinous fight. Your soft touches and kind encouraging words brought about uncertain feelings within Mizu. Making them feel as though they have somehow ventured off into unfamiliar territory, immediately sending them to act out in self defensive tactics.
Constantly looking over their shoulder, hand clutching at the hilt of their sword, ears and eyes honing in on every snaps of branches and the rustling of bushes, waiting for a potential ambushes or ransacking attempts. Anything that would put their life in any and all levels of risk.
Mizu found themself in a battlefield they weren’t well versed in whenever your face shone with a bright smile upon seeing them in the mornings, presenting them with the clothes they’ve entrusted to you to sew up the worn and torn fabric, seeing as how only you were the one with the tools and the experience for the job. Or how you would often help fix up breakfast for everyone but always end up making yours last, when Mizu asked about this, you just shrugged and told them that you’d rather survive off of scraps if it meant others having full, warm and satisfied bellies.
Mizu only scoffs at this, not thinking too much into your words, but their sharp eyes would immeditly notice the difference in the amount of food you gave them before looking at your own proportions; which was enough to satiate your hunger for the time being but it was obvious that you gave larger portions of food to them. Their eyes would soften somewhat at the gesture, knowing that your words were more than just words, only to harden afterwards when catching you given them frequent side glances.
You would also patch up reopened words that were in harder to reach for Mizu or Tiagen to get to by themselves , much to Mizu’s dismay at the thought of being in such a vulnerable and open position for sabotage. However under your watchful eye, Mizu had learnt over a long period of time to put their trust into you and your seemingly never ending well of talents.
‘Stop doing stuff that’ll only reopen your wounds,’ you scolded, finishing sealing up the last of Mizu’s wounds with a final stitch. ‘I’m staring to run out of thread and alcohol to disinfect the needle with the rate you and Taigen are going at!’ You added, putting your hands on your hips like a disappointed parent.
‘If it displeases you so much to waste resources, then why bother healing me in the first place.’ Mizu responded straightforwardly as they slowly refitted their clothing on their body whilst trying not to reopen any wounds as to not waste the effort you put into putting them back together again. You huffed, knowing that Mizu was still a little on edge with you and the kindness you went out of your way to give them.
You didn’t blame them for being the way they were and only accepted this as their way of acting the only way they knew how and went to sit down next to them, remembering to keep some distance for keep Mizu from unwarranted contact. ‘It’s not the resources that I’m worried about. It’s you.’ You admitted, seeing Mizu look at you from the corner of your eye, looking as though they weren’t expecting that type of response to come from your mouth. That reaction only hurt your heart knowing that a concerning about of people lacked empathy towards their fellow man. It genuinely disgusted you at how easy it was for them to show you their back the moment you’ve outgrown your usage.
‘Me? Why?’ Mizu asked.
You chuckled humourlessly. ‘Is it a sin for me to be concerned about you? To worry about you whenever you come back from where ever you wander off to, suddenly unable to stand on your own two feet without collapsing from immense blood loss?’ Mizu reminded silent and so you took that as a sign to continue. ‘Am I expected to just stand there and not do anything? I’m sorry but I’d rather wast every resource I own on you because if it meant bettering your chances of survival, even if by a margin, then I’d do anything to make that possibility into a guarantee.’ You finished with a smile before getting up to your feet and leaving the room to give Mizu privacy and time to process your words.
Meanwhile Mizu was back to feeling those foreign emotions. They weren’t use to someone caring for them to the extent that you did, not without wanting something in exchange but Mizu noticed that you haven’t even once asked for anything in return for making them breakfast, sewing up their clothes, gifting them sharping stones for their sword nor patching up their wounds. All you did was take care of them and their every needs, so much so that they felt a weird warm within their chest at the memory of your bright smile that you gave them after everything.
You were sweet and soft but strong, firm in your beliefs and posses a strong independence. A true diamond in the rough in regard to everything they’ve bore witness to since childhood. Your attitude towards them was an extreme contrast to everyone else’s, it often caught Mizu off guard in the odd occasion but it wasn’t until now did Mizu come to realised how much their body ached to be tended and cared for by someone like you. They’ve persevered through the hardships they’re forced to call life and bore the scars of said hardships in a multitude of places upon their body, both new and old.
Mizu was use to being alone but now that you entered their life, they were starting to think that they don’t wanna be alone anymore but was a tad hesitant to make the first move on their own accord. If Mizu was grateful for one thing in life, it was the fact that you were in it and by their side for the indefinite future.
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Okay, but what about shy & inexperienced!Jeongin who doesn't know just how strong his fingers are or how fast he's actually about to make you cum?
Sorry, but I either see him as a headstrong, cocky dom or a soft, shy, people-pleasing pleasure top. And today, he's soft, shy and super eager to please.
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Things were getting heated and fast, quickly jumping from a peck on his lips to you grinding down on the bump in his jeans just to feel something. You'd been dating for months and never gone further than dry humping, which he doesn't last long in anyway.
And you were beyond explanation feral with hormones, wanna feel you, Innie, please. You were whimpering like you've never done before, not with him at least, and you were about to rip his pants off if he didn't do it himself.
For once, catching you by surprise, his hands wandered further than just your torso, and you almost mewled when they brushed down to the elastic of your shorts, "C-can I take these off?" He asked so gently, so scared to fuck things up.
"Mhm, yes, yes please," You nodded feverently, helping him remove your shorts, your shirt somehow getting lost too, whoops.
"Oh woah, wow uh-uhm, y-you're fucking naked right now," He stammers, getting frozen in fear when he sees your absolutely naked form sprawled out on his bed.
"Yeah, and you aren't so, take it off, take it all off," You're eager, your chest heaving and your body tense. You wish you could be more gentle with him, but there's a heat coiling in your belly threatening to burst through your throat if you don't satisfy it.
After removing his clothes and nearly tipping over from being distracted by your fingers already toying with your own nipples, he climbs back onto his bed to kiss you.
"W-will you show me? Or tell me? I don't know what to do," His voice is barely a whisper, genuine concern laced in his tone and you cup his face to kiss him. Forcefully settling your hormones until you can at least breathe like a human again. You nod once you break apart gently taking one of his hands as he settles down next to you, laying on his side to face you.
"J-just take, just hold my uhm, just do this," You try taking his fingers to play with your nipples, but you opt for literally showing him with your own fingers instead, and he nods once as you watch his long, pretty fingers finally tugging at one of your nipples.
"Shit, yeah just like that," You shut your eyes, your hypersensitivity causing every little touch from him to make you gush.
You're about to get lost in how good to feels to have someone else playing with your sensitive little buds for once, your eyes screwed shut in pleasure. But the bed dips and before you can react, soft, warm, hesitant silkiness wraps around your perked nipple.
Lust licks at your spine when you look down and find him looking up at you already, looking deliriously beautiful with his lips wrapped around your nipple as if it's his lifeline, pretty fox eyes sparkling with wonder.
" 'm I doing mkay?" He whispers, hips gently rutting into the harsh fabric of the mattress a little too eagerly, and you nod with a mhm, really good along with a lazy smile in confirmation, he really is doing so good for you.
"C-can you touch me, please?" You whisper breathlessly, your folds slipping past each other at the whole idea of him doing all this just for you, being so willing to learn just because you need him that badly.
His lips detach from your nipple, red and puffy from their sucking. He swallows thickly, looking up at you for just one more sign that you're certain, just one more boost of confidence, "You can do this, I know you can," You comb your fingers through his air and smile at him and he begins to slide down your form.
Your legs spread till your knees touch the bed while his eyes level down to your glistening heat, a shaky curse falling from his lips when he sees you spread open absolutely beautifully, he wonders why he waited this long to see such a breathtaking sight.
"Now jus-just drop your tongue out of your mouth for me Innie, just drag your to- oh my god," As you give instructions for Jeongin to go down on you, he takes his own bold little step of faith and dives in anyway. His actions are eager, messy and very much obviously unstructured, but the way he messily laps at your clit has you weak in your knees.
His tongue moves at the speed of light, flicking at your little bundle of nerves so quickly it has you seeing stars, and you can feel yourself building already.
"F-fingers, u-use your fingers too please," You mewl, your hands already gripping the sheets beneath you and your knees fighting to stay open. For someone who's going down on a girl for the first time, he sure is good at it.
He shuffles until his hand is able to come in between his chest and the bed, and much to your absolute disbelief, two fingers slip inside of you easily. "Fuck, t-that was quick," You moan, thrashing already.
"Curl your fingers up for m- oh fuck, yes, yes right there," You cry out as your legs begin to quiver in anticipation, your hips refusing to do anything but buck up into his mouth as you chase the high.
You begin to ride his face, bucking into him and bumping his nose with your clit while his fingers fuck you even faster. The harshness and the strength of his fingers rubbing the sweet, numbing pleasure right out of your soul with each thrust against your spot.
" 'm fucking close already," You gasp, looking down at him to warm him, but the sight of him just makes you want to cum even harder. His hair shriveled and messy, nose and chin shiny with your slickness, his eyes trembling with excitement and confidence at the sight he's able to make of you.
You feel the band in your belly threatening to snap in half, and it's when he adds a third finger that you topple off the edge. Messily grabbing at anything you can find, your moans caught in your throat, your body bursting into shudders and shakes as he makes you cum the quickest you've ever experienced.
He moans into your clit, a tired, satisfied mewl and when you look down after coming back from your high, he's laying his head on the inside of your thigh, breathing deeply with his eyes screwed shut.
"I just came all over the sheets."
taglist ☄ @skzfelixlove @queenofadarkworld @felixowned @mamieishere @hyunlixwife @myluvonfire @betterthingstodowithmytine @marieiei @the-life-of-stella @silentreadersthings @ninimmie @y00sc1r @oddinary-nightmare @hanniessleepyeyes @purplenimsicle @violeto2000 @hxnnielk @ririlinoriri @han-to-my-minho @skz4-ever @fandems @iijinglezii @raaaaaaahhhh @shltsnglggles @innie-on-top @mrsminho @idkluvutellme @anyhow-everything @hello-stranger24 @aaasia111
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I understand the criticisms people have about season 2, I really do. I have my own genuine complaints. But, frankly? I feel like we can pick this show apart too much. I don't expect any piece of media I consume to be perfect so I sure as hell think I should be able to extend my favorite show a little grace.
Literally every problem I have with s2 is almost certainly down to the fact that they had to work with a 40% budget cut and had to keep every episode strictly under 30 minutes (whereas in s1 longer episodes had some breathing room). It's very obvious to me that the writers of this show did their absolute level best to do their story justice with what they had. And at the end of the day, my biggest complaint is always that I wish they had more - more time, more episodes. That's a pretty nice thing, really, that the worst I can say about something is that I wish I had more of it.
Like I said, I get the criticism, I really do! I'm not saying any show is above critique. But I'm also not exaggerating when I say that this show as a whole is the best thing I've seen on TV in a long, long time. I can't make myself care much that s2 was a bit messier than I'd have liked when I think it still runs circles around everything else. And, as if the fact we got s2 at all wasn't enough, they made sure Ed and Stede's story never really suffered for the budget cuts, and they made sure that we ended the season with Ed and Stede in a good, satisfying place. If you haven't watched it since it was airing I couldn't recommend enough watching it again without the week-long breaks and all the fandom speculation and craziness in between; the pacing feels soooo much better that way. I love it even more with every rewatch. We complain a lot in fandom spaces but almost everyone I know irl who watch it casually think s2 was better than s1.
I love this show so much. I'm so glad we've got it and for every bit of hate I see about s2 I'm just gonna love it even harder, because even when it's messy it's the most earnest, heartfelt thing out there and I appreciate the fuck out of it for that.
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evvlevie · 2 months
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Are you desperate to manifest? Then read my advice.
Hello my sweet followers! It's your favorite shifting/manifestation Blogger Evie again, and today I am here to soothe your nerves.
See, if you are anything like me, I know you. I know the way you have been obsessing over this particular desire of yours, closely watching every single possible hint of this desire arriving in your 3D and continuously over-consuming content on social media regarding manifestation/shifting content.
And since I have been there, I know what kind of advice you are craving. What kind of "hack" you are desperately seeking to finally unlock you having everything you have ever wished for. Coming across thousands of methods, overthinking their legitimacy, doubting everything, feeling like you are pushing your desires away, and then panicking, genuinely panicking, over the fact that you are sabotaging your own self and your desires. All of this ending with asking yourself why you deny yourself heaven.
Let me guide you through this.
First of all:
forget everything you have over-consumed in the last days/weeks/months. All of this extracurricular type of knowledge that you acquired regarding manifestations and all of that. Allow the two of us to start with a clean canvas here.
... you done? Thank you, my darling ♥️
Now let me tell you something about manifestation ...
Key, and I mean 🔑 K E Y 🔑 to manifesting things, is trust and faith.
yes. It's that easy, but also that hard.
Due to the way our society is constructed, we life our lives with the expectation that everything good only comes after a lot of hard work, a lot of pressure and most importantly : control.
There you have reason number one why people get in their own way when manifesting things. They doubt their manifestations can arrive "just because" they wished on it or believed on it. They can not trust into the fact, that that is all it can take, they believe they need some sort of control over their blessings. They want to know how it arrives, when it arrives, maybe even why it arrives. They want to control something, because that would satisfy their belief, that nothing comes from nothing.
Y O U are a spiritual being. Y O U are consciousness. Y O U are also the physical environment that you are in. Your 3D is Y O U.
But your cute little desperate, over-consuming ass knows that already doesn't it? Of course you do. And I am here to reward you with your own little ✨A+✨ for effort, but you need to understand the essence of what it means that the 3D is Y O U.
Your 3D is a direct, and I mean direct, translation of your soul. You and your physical environment are tied together. You are conjoined twins. You might seem like two separate entities, but on every level that matters, you guys are one. Your moods get reflected into the 3D, just like the 3D can affect your mood by presenting you a certain situation. But it is important to note, that everything starts with your assumptions, and ends with your 3D producing the physical version of that. Let me say this again: the 3D is a P R O D U C T of YOUR ASSUMPTIONS. Anything that you see, feel, smell whatever, is old news. It is the physical shape of your PAST thoughts.
So now, when you are affirming that your neighbor is in love with you and is going to ask for your hand in marriage, and he doesn't do it the very next day, do you assume your manifestations have failed? Maybe. Are you panicking now, because you have thought a negative thought and the entire internet has taught you, that this negative thought has now prevented you from ever attaining your desire ever? And do you now affirm against your accidental self sabotage in the way that you are drowning your head in forced positive thoughts that you are not believing a single bit? And are you now back to panicking because you know that you don't believe your forced positive thoughts, and you are anxious that this has now pushed your manifestations further back away?
I have been there. In fact I can only type out this scenario because I HAVE FELT THAT WAY.
But rest assured, because here is where my 🔑 K E Y🔑 of trust and faith ties in.
When I tell you, that you are a spiritual energy capable of changing your physical reality as much as you like, as enormously as you want, I want you to think of yourself like a greek god, or a magician of some sort. As if you had a blank notebook in front of you and anything you write in it happens. 100% Guarantee. How powerful would you feel? That's your exact, and I mean exact, power. The 3D is not your commander. You are like a child with infinite fantasy and the 3D is just play-doh that you mold to your liking. Realize your power. And most importantly: ACCEPT it. Accept, that even the bad stuff that had happened to you, happens BECAUSE of you. Nothing ever starts from anything else other than you. Remember: the 3D is like your conjoined twin. It is not your enemy, because it's delayed production shows you things you dislike, it's simply just you.
✨Now imagine this:✨
Let's say you want to manifest, that you get a brand new car. A MINI. Let's say a red one (totally not suggesting this because I drive a red MINI). And let's say you want that car so bad, you look up at the sky and shout at it : "Please god! Let me have a red MINI! Preferably with a heated steering wheel!" AND TO YOUR SURPRISE a woman right next to you overheard your little prayer there and tells you this: "Lucky for you, I am a fortune teller! And I can see that you are driving a red MINI with a heated steering wheel AND it even has Apple Car-Play!" You jump up and down out of joy and nothing can stop you. Your mother just told you that you guys can't afford another car insurance but you don't care, because the fortune teller already told you about your crazy cool red MINI. Suddenly the every MINI-dealership on the planet is destroyed in a hurricane, but you don't care because you know from your fortune-teller that you will get a red MINI, so why would you bother? Two weeks since then have passed, and out of nowhere your father confesses to you, that he has partaken in a crazy poker-game where a random rich dude has gambled with his brand new, red MINI-Cooper and that your very own dad (who you didn't even know, knew how to play poker) has won this amazing car for you (and it even has heated seats!).
This scenario, is what manifestation is for you, every day. Persisting in a fact that you already have something, despite the 3D showing you different, is trust and faith in yourself as the one and only creator of your reality. YOU are your own fortune teller. YOU know, that your desire is on its way to you, because you decided that it is. Every single time, you manifest things and the opposite is showing up, you need to be your own best friend, your own hero, your own fortune teller and your own creator and remind yourself, that you have all of your desires on their way, because only you can make a decision in your realm. You look outside of the window and there is no MINI in the driveway? Well I guess the translation into the 3D is slow again, because I know I manifested one.
Things have always taken its longest way to me, when I desperately tried to control. Tried to monitor and tried to micro-manage the way stuff happens. And when it didn't come quick enough, I would blame myself and question my powers. But there is no reason to question your powers, when you as the creator are prefect in creating. Your production might be slow, It might be weird and it produces in unexpected ways, but it's for sure reliable. When you put oranges into a juicing machine, you get orange juice. You just have to trust into your own production company that its producing your products (and they are).
There is no reason, no room for anxiety, for overthinking or doubts. The process is simple. You order, you get. Every time. Nothing else. And sometimes you see your old orders before you see your recent ones, but that's okay your recent ones are still on their way. If you were to bawl your eyes out the moment your mother told you, she won't buy you a red MINI, that wouldn't have changed the fact that the fortune teller already predicted you that car. You would just be crying for no reason, but idk maybe you just need to? Who am I to judge the reason someone is crying, bestie?
Manifesting with this anxious overthinking scenario I showed you earlier can feel heavy, but I am here to remind you, that your anxious 3D-reactions are not postponing your manifestations, if you as a creator decide, that you are allowed to react without consequences, or at least without the consequences you would disapprove of. If you panic, and you feel like every single thought matters and manifests, then yeah obviously. The trick is to realize, that there is a cheat code to everything, and in this case, it's deciding that certain things just never happen because you don't want them to.
So finally I want you guys to remember:
be your own fortune teller, and trust into the fact that you always predict correctly.
yours in every reality,
Evie <3
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cowboyfromh3ll · 4 months
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Maybe some headcannons for some of the Van der linde boys with a overlyhyper girlfriend, whos also REALLY nosy?
HC for VDL Boys With A Hyper/Nosy Girlfriend Ft. Arthur Morgan, Charles Smith, John Marston, Dutch Van Der Linde
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Arthur Morgan
He'd be surprised by your energy but would try to keep up regardless
Very protective but once he sees just how well you're able to handle yourself he'll bring you on jobs with him. Nothing too crazy though
Always tries to find things you can do to tucker yourself out
And if a job is one of them, he'll certainly bring you
Will take you on very long walks until your entire lower half is hurting
Finds it amusing how almost every night you come back to the tent you have a new bit of gossip you discovered and want to share
Chastises you for being nosy but he's pretty into it
Starts asking questions and genuinely gets invested
Sometimes he'll be falling asleep and you'll still be gossiping and recapping your day in extreme detail and all he can say in return is "mhm?" In that sleepy voice while trying to pay attention
Jokingly tells you that if you're so nosy you should go and sniff out a lead
Did not expect you to actually come back with a decent roster of leads
Charles Smith
Contrasts his reserved and quiet nature greatly
People often see the two of you sitting together while you ramble endlessly about your day and what you did
You can talk his ear off, and he's going to listen to every single thing you say and pays attention to every detail
If you ever think he's not listening to you he'll bring up a really obscure detail later, and it'll have you surprised
Neither encourages nor chastises your gossiping, but he'll definitely listen to that too
Similarly to your talkativeness, your hyperactivity is starkly different to his chillness
Doesn't actively go out of his way to tire you out, sort of lets you do that on your own
I can imagine him just standing there while you climb him and hang off his arms
Sometimes he'll be talking to you in a crowd and he'll look away for a second and lose you
Frantically searches for you and finds you chatting with some random as if you've known each other for years
John Marston
He is absolutely baffled by your energy levels
And just how much you talk?
Sometimes, he just stares at you in disbelief and isn't even processing everything you're saying
If you give him a pop quiz about everything you just said, his ass is failing
Often has to ask you to slow down or backtrack, which you do until you start speeding up again
Gets dragged along like a dog on a leash
Though to be honest the two of you should probably keep each other on leashes. Him to keep track of you, and you to drag him along.
Says you shouldn't be so involved or interested in other people's business
But as soon as you gasp and go "John guess what I found out today" HE IS SAT
Preps for you every morning by chugging coffee
Has probably at some point before you two dated said "Do you always talk this much?"
Dutch Van Der Linde
He's impressed by your energy and in a good way
But also in the way where he's like "Hm, how can I make use of this."
Definitely has told you to go out and get leads with your energy and was more than satisfied when you did
Thinks you're the perfect partner in crime
Probably hesitant to send you on dangerous missions but he knows you won't get your energy out any other way
You're like his sniffing hound
But you're definitely his top dog when it comes to getting leads
The most encouraging of your eccentric and nosy personality
Rewards your behavior with gifts and praise
He's probably very easily influenced by you since you bring him so many leads and such
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sylvies-chen · 4 months
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I love the ballad of songbirds and snakes, don’t get me wrong. but the streets are comparing coriolanus snow to anakin skywalker and I just… somebody get me a gun! I need to buy a gun!
and listen, I totally get the idea behind it. they’re both young formerly promising men who spiralled downwards into violence and authoritarianism and, as a result, betrayed their best friends and the women they care for. on a basic level, they have some similarities. but again, it’s like… the most BASIC and SURFACE LEVEL comparison to make!
snow is not a fallen angel or tragic doomed hero. the entire point of the book + film was that he was always prone to thinking manipulatively, to being selfish, to being violent, to liking the system too much, to letting not just anger but genuine hatred inform his decisions. HE IS THE VILLAIN. and vader is a villain too— the most iconic villain of all time— but anakin is a whole other story, and coriolanus doesn’t hold a candle to anakin when you compare some deeper elements of their motivations.
first off, you only need to look at how they treat their ladies to understand what I’m saying. everyone loves the heartbreak of anakin and padme just as they love the heartbreak of lucy and snow, but that love for their tragic story seems to blind people to the absolute insanity that is snow’s thoughts about lucy. he lies to her, thinks she’s trying to kill him, her song doesn’t satisfy or please him, and in the books he even goes so far as to say she isn’t even that good looking??? anakin, on the other hand, delivers a minute-long monologue about how deeply in love he is with padme, how a single kiss from her haunts him, how he is willing to utterly devote himself to her and fulfil her every demand because there’s nothing else he can do. he expresses his love in a very immature way at times, but it is real and genuine. tbosas makes you question at times whether coriolanus really loves lucy, or whether just this idea of “taming” her seems appealing.
even their downward spirals are vastly different in nature. coriolanus snow becomes more paranoid in an attempt to maintain his image, in order to keep lucy under his spell. his ambitions are nuanced, not black and white by any means, but they are selfish. anakin’s spiral, though there’s no denying the horrific acts he commits, begins from a place of fear and love. he is so genuinely scared of losing his wife and his unborn children that he becomes susceptible to an outside force manipulating him towards the dark side. anakin also fulfils that element of the shakesperian tragic hero in that there’s this idea of potential that we see so present in him. he’s introduced as the one who would bring balance to the force, someone powerful beyond comprehension, a saviour of sorts. snow was never shown to have that level of promise. he was just a man who existed in a system and it is about him grappling with that system until eventually that disgusting fascist mindset takes over.
and lastly, of course, you can’t ever mention these two in tandem without remembering the fact that anakin did the right thing in the end! and coriolanus did not! luke fought to bring anakin back when vader had taken over for so many years, and in the end it paid off. anakin does the truly selfless thing in sacrificing himself to save luke. he lets love inform his decisions, as he once did before, only the fear is gone and so that love orients him towards good instead of darkness. anakin is a fallen angel, but he’s also a man who loved too much and didn’t know what to do with it. snow, comparatively, admits he isn’t above killing children and then laughs in the face of the masses he’s worked to oppress for over half a century right before his death.
anakin skywalker’s story is of the destruction and reconstruction of his good heart, of light, of balance, of love. it is cyclical, and it is tragic. coriolanus snow’s story is not. it is a story not of something sinister growing in an otherwise good heart, but a story of something sinister unravelling and revealing itself.
they are not the same.
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thydungeongal · 3 months
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Hi there, I got started with ttrpgs after dnd 5e came out so I don't have any personal experience or strong opinions about 4e. Would you be willing to share some of the things that were different in that version that you enjoyed?
So okay with the caveat that there isn't a single edition of D&D I don't enjoy to some extent, this isn't really a "list of reasons why D&D 4e is objectively better than any edition of D&D ever," but more like "list of features of D&D 4e where I feel it distinguishes itself from other editions":
As much as D&D has always been a combat-focused game, where characters usually have to at some point rely on violence, D&D 4e is the one edition where combat has felt the most tactically engaging and where there are sometimes genuinely tough tactical decisions to be made. Part of the beauty of D&D 4e's combat is down to a very simple fact: combat isn't quite as swingy as in other editions, where a couple of lucky rounds can either make or break the combat in the characters' favor. If you lose in D&D 4e it's usually not the result of a single bad turn, but multiple turns' worth of bad decision-making and bad luck. There's nearly always a way for players to turn around a combat that's going badly. While I also enjoy the extremely lethal and swingy editions of old on the macro level, combat in them isn't as tactically satisfying as in 4e to me (but on the flipside, combat being very quick and dirty is definitely a benefit of those systems).
I genuinely feel that it does class balance better than any other edition of D&D. Class balance has always been tough in D&D: you've either had artificial balancing like "start Magic-Users weak and have them advance slower, but once they survive to higher levels they become extremely strong," or just poorly thought out "I guess one of the Druid's class features is having an extra character that's a bear and almost as strong as a Fighter, and the Druid can summon more bears while turned into a bear." That isn't to say that it's perfect: some classes had their growing pains (Warlocks weren't great to begin with, Avengers were good but not great) and some classes did outshine others (I'm not sure if this was ever the consensus, but I always got the vibe from discussions that Fighters were probably the best Defender), but it was very hard to build a character who could overwhelm an entire party or play rocket tag while everyone else was still playing D&D.
Many of the additions and changes to the lore and cosmology of D&D were welcome to me. I liked reframing the cosmic conflict as gods vs elemental primordials, as it felt like a return to the Law vs Chaos conflict of old. I liked the idea of devils as corrupted angels, punished for deicide, which also made them a great mirror to demons that in 4e were technically corrupted elementals! It basically turned the Blood War into a dark reflection of the ongoing conflict between order and chaos (as represented by the gods and the primordials)
The Warlord is such an amazing class. It is genuinely my favorite thing to come out of 4e, and the fact that it was never brought into 5e is actually the worst thing the designers of 5e ever did, even though they explicitly promised the return of every class that had ever been featured in the first PHB of the game.
Of all the WotC D&Ds it had the simplest and most intuitive action economy. Standard, Move, Minor. You get one of each. Standard action can be traded in for a Move or Minor action. Move action can be turned in for a Minor action. It's hilarious to me how simple it is and how 5e in trying to simplify it further by making movement something you have every turn by default and making bonus actions a separate thing ended up making the action economy more complex with its various if: then statements about when you're allowed to use a specific bonus action and how sometimes a bonus action you've used can limit the actions you can take.
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a-aexotic · 1 year
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One where rafe and reader can’t stop messing around even though they are in a relationship with other people.? Only if you want to write it🥺
hey love! this was so fun…. should i make it into a series LMFAO?? 🫣💀
taglist: @eli-yeah @hallecarey1 @midnightsgetawaycar @vigilanteshitposting
cw’s: fwb (kinda), being the second choice, cheating, crying, angst??, lying, lmk if i missed anything!
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It wasn’t right: what you and Rafe were doing wasn’t right. Then why did it feel so good? It didn’t make sense. 
You were usually a goody-two shoes; it was your best quality but it was your worst as well. Wanting to do the right thing was a good quality to have but it wasn’t exactly fun. It got you awards, praises from parents wishing that they you were their child and it got you scholarships. Little did they know, Outer Bank’s golden child had a messy secret. 
You were dating the Kook Academy’s famous Quarterback, Noah Yanis. You had been dating him since 8th grade, your parents had planned your relationships since you were born. You and Noah were the It couple in Outer Banks; everyone thought you were endgame. Your parents planned every aspect of your relationship. Your anniversary, first date, engagement and wedding; it was perfect. He’d given you a promise ring a few months into dating and after that, it was never genuine. It was never really genuine, though. 
Noah was sweet and smart, everything a girl would want. Not only was he nice, he was tall and had a dreamy face. Every Kook wanted to be him or be with him, so why didn’t you? Your relationship was supposed to be picture-perfect; but that’s all it was, surface level and shallow. Your feelings weren’t real; you weren’t even really in love, you could barely stand him at times. 
It was all an act; your love for Noah was anything but genuine, it was all for show. You wore Noah's jersey at his games and he got you flowers when you got a good grade but it was all for public approval. In private, he never spoke to you and it was just silent, no speaking.
In the beginning, you wanted him to like you. At first, he did. It slowly faded into slight resentment because he couldn't go after the girls he genuinely wanted. You've always wanted his love, ever since you started dating.
It was supposed to picture perfect -- your personalized fairytale love story. You were a romantic by default and you thought even if it was fake, it could turn into something real. But that only happens in books.
You slowly started to resent him as well, he never satisfied you in any way. When you hung out, he never talked to you. He was always on the game, headset on as he screamed at the screen whilst you sat on his bed, bored. That's what really happened behind closed doors.
Noah didn't even try to get to know you. If someone asked him to tell them your favorite color, he wouldn't have the slightest idea. Your favorite flower, or book, or even TV show, Noah wouldn't know.
Your friends were all surface level, too. They wouldn't have the slightest idea, as well. That was all you craved though, someone to truly see you for you. You were sure you've never had a true best friend, too.
That's probably why you were so addicted to Rafe Cameron.
You still remember the first night he had truly touched you. It was your 17th birthday and it was an important birthday because of Mamma Mia. Your birthday was Mamma Mia themed, of course - it was supposed to be perfect.
It was supposed to be perfect. Noah ruined it, of course. He had brought the wrong cake and that was just the beginning. He got shitfaced and spilled wine all over your white dress.
You ran outside and no one had followed you. Rafe watched as you walked out of your own party, your supposed best friend not even noticing.
He went after you and comforted you. It was unlike Rafe, to care about someone's feelings. But he saw himself in you, your hurt expression as the people who were supposed to care for you most, ignore you.
Your tear stained face, puffy eyes and red stained dress was a sad sight for Rafe. You were supposed to be the Golden child of OBX, how could no one care about you?
That was the first thing Rafe realized about you. You two were more similar than he thought.
He sat with you outside, listening to you pour your heart out to him; someone who she maybe had talked to, three times this past year. You were obviously a little wasted but it didn't matter, you genuinely felt that way. And he empathized with you because he related to what you were saying.
After your rant, you couldn't help but embrace him. He was tense at first but melted into the hug; he hadn't felt such a soft touch since his mother had passed away.
As you pulled away and he saw your defected expression, he couldn't help but lean in for a kiss. And that was how it all began.
--
"Noah's birthday is tomorrow, are you doing anything with him?" Your mother asked as she unloaded the dishwasher. You were sitting on the island, eating some yogurt and the sudden mention of Noah made your appetite go away.
You and Noah hadn't talked about any plans besides the party he was having. "Not sure. Uh, it depends but I know he's having a party."
She smiled at that. "Are you planning it?"
"No, he didn't plan mine so why should I plan his?" You snapped, rudely. Your mother was taken aback at your sudden flare up, making you sigh.
"I know, Y/N, but it's his 18th. That's an important birthday, he's an adult now." Your mother reasoned as she put back the dishes.
"If you care so much, why don't you do it?"
Your mother tensed up angrily as she sighed and slammed the dishwasher. "Y/N, watch your tongue. There's no need to get all emotional."
You huffed before getting down from the island. You glared at your mother, crossing your arms as you decided to go to your room.
Noah's birthday wasn't important because obviously, yours wasn't to him. He ruined yours and you were crushed but you didn't even get an apology after. His birthday was meaningless to you.
As you got to your room, you closed your room and huffed dramatically as you got on your bed. You closed your eyes. You had gotten Noah the cologne he wanted and that was far more than what he deserved.
You didn't know how you were going to deal with Noah forever because your parents are hellbent about you getting married to him. Why doesn't even it matter? He's not that important, anyway.
The only reason why they want you two to get married is so you can be an important role in OBX society. Noah was going to inherit his father's business after college and it's worth more than anything else on this island. So if you marry him, you're 1. going to play an important role as Noah's wife and 2. you're going to be filthy rich.
You know your parents meant well but you weren't happy and neither was Noah. If they force you two to get married at their will, they're setting them up for a life of unhappiness.
You heard the text message ding and were drawn out of your thoughts. You opened your phone and saw Rafe's little icon and your lips morphed into a smile.
rafe 🍃💫 u left ur swimsuit here
rafe 🍃💫 thought u might need it since ur going swimming later
You had forgot that you were going swimming with your friends later that day. You were glad Rafe had reminded you, you knew your friends loved to hold stupid grudges.
Your face heated up at the mention of your clothes being at his house; it had been a normal thing now but you still blushed childishly. You spent most nights at his house, now that you think about it, but he still made you feel a certain way. A way that Noah never did.
You felt guilty but that all melted away the moment his lips move against yours, because for once you're doing something for your own will and not anyone else's.
You quickly replied to message.
y/n 😍🤭 okay, i'll swing by later to pick it up
y/n 😍🤭 thanks for reminding me i almost forgot ab it 🥰
Rafe replied as quickly as you did.
rafe 🍃💫 ofc goregous
rafe 🍃💫 i'll see u at noah's party tmr?
y/n 😍🤭 yea sadly 🤢
rafe 🍃💫 im dreading it too, dw
rafe 🍃💫 only upside is that im seeing u 😤
You blushed at his statement. Before you could reply, you heard a knock at your door. "Come in."
You were expecting your mother to come in but it was Noah. Your mood immediately changed and you tried your best not to frown. Noah came in, all sweaty from his practice. He sat down on your bed and you sighed.
"Noah, I'm gonna need to change my sheets now, they're going to be drenched in your sweat." Your face morphed into a disgusted expression as he brushed it off.
"It's fine, Y/N. Anyway, you going swimming with Mar later?" Her nickname rolled off his tongue so easily and you couldn't help but feel a little jealous.
Marissa, or Mar, is Noah's best friend. She also considered herself yours, as well but after your birthday, you've considered her Noah's friend rather than yours.
She only really liked Noah and it was obvious she liked him. She throws herself at him and acts like the most annoying person when he's around. She wasn't always like that; at some point, she was your best friend but that all changed when you and Noah started dating.
Noah surprisingly actually really likes her, so you have deal with her. He actually seems to like her more than you at times, and that is enough to deal with in it of itself.
Long story short, Mar is a bitch.
"Yeah, she practically forced me." You mumbled as you got up from your bed, your phone slipping from your hands onto the bed. Noah laughed.
"You know she means well." No I don't, actually. "It's going to be fun, though."
Your phone rings before you could reply and you brushed it off, thinking it was maybe one of your friends. You walked into your bathroom, getting a hairbrush.
"Why is Rafe Cameron texting you?"
Your heart dropped. You were glad you had your text previews off because god help you if Noah had read that message, no matter what it said.
"Uh, he knows a good dealer so I'm getting you a present. Another one." You lied. Noah was a little suspicious but as you walked over to him, he put your phone down. You swallowed down a sigh of relief.
"Okay, good. Can you bring the weed to Mar's?"
You blinked. You didn't have any weed, neither did Rafe (at the moment). "Uh, sure."
He smiled and got up, giving you chaste kiss on the lips. You were taken aback.
"Thanks, babe." He walked out of your room as you stood there, dumbfounded and now, in a situation you don't know how to get out of.
-
You walked into Mar's house, no weed in hand. You only had a few hours before you'd have to leave for Mar's and you didn't have time to go and find it for them.You didn't know how Noah was going to react to that but hopefully he won't make a big deal.
You had dropped by the Cameron's like planned and you had changed into the swimsuit you'd left there. You walked outside where you knew your friends would be. Mar was sitting outside of the pool, her legs dangling into the pool as Noah sat next to her; they were talking.
When Noah saw you, he looked to your hands and was confused when he didn't see a bag of the green plant they loved so much. Mar also moved her gaze to watch you.
"Hey." You said plainly, putting down your tote in the pool chair. "I couldn't get ahold of Rafe so I couldn't get Rafe."
"He didn't reply?" Noah got out of the pool to come to you. "Of course he did, he's probably high at some chick's house." He chuckled as you bite your tongue. You knew the only chick's house he's ever at is yours. "God, sometimes I really wish I was Cameron, man. He has too much fun."
That comment was very backhanded as he looked at you and then turned to Mar as she got out of the pool. Before you could respond, she made her way over to the two of you. "So, no weed?"
You nodded, already regretting your decision of even going to her house. Maybe you could fake your way out of staying and you could leave early.
They both sighed heavily and turned around, getting in the pool once again. You watched as they ignored you and you felt jealous and annoyed. You felt like a third wheel with your best friend and boyfriend, how pathetic was that?
"Uh, do you guys know if Nance is coming?" You asked as you sat on the pool chair, laying down. You couldn't even tan because it was already 6:30, you were essentially just there for mere decor. If they were going to just sit there and flirt this whole time, they should've had the decency to do it behind your back.
Nance was the only one in your friend-group you'd consider an actual friend. You'd know her your entire life practically and she was your best friend before you'd met Mar. She'd been with you through everything; when you were considered ugly, when the only person you had was her, when you'd started dating Noah and now, she was still there. She was the most genuine person you knew and you could hold a conversation with her without wanting to rip your hair out, which is saying a lot when considering the people who live on this godforsaken island.
"I'm not sure, maybe." Mar answered quickly before giggling at something Noah had said, playfully hitting his arm. You bit back the urge to throw her in the pool as you glared at them.
You ignored her response and went back on your phone, going on TikTok before eventually getting bored. Before closing your phone, you felt it buzz in your hand and you looked at the top.
rafe 🍃💫 wanna come over after ur lame pool party? ❤️
You looked over at Mar and Noah; they were too enthralled with each other to even notice your sudden mood change. For once you were glad that they were ignoring your presence. You moved your gaze back to your phone and clicked on the message, typing a quick response.
y/n 😍🤭 can i come now?
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paraliveimaginesblog · 2 months
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Hi! Can I pls request crushing and dating headcanons for GokuLuck? Thank you ❤️😊
Kenta Mikoshiba:
Kenta is like a small dog who gets so excited it bites, nipping at you when he doesn’t mean to just because he doesn’t know what to do with the odd amount of energy coursing through his veins when you’re around. He’s nothing if not painfully honest in regards to the things he dislikes, but when it comes to discerning his true emotions, you think the like and hate line have a very hastily drawn border. He has some contempt for the way you make him feel, and the fact he has a hard time trusting in others, but there’s the giddy side of him that genuinely enjoyed your company and looked forward to talking to you every day.
Not much changed when Kenta was actually your boyfriend. He didn’t like to flex the title unless unnecessary because it was embarrassing to admit he liked someone enough to actually want to be their boyfriend, but you didn’t take it offensively. Seeing the way he dunked on people online who told him to touch grass by mentioning he had a significant other, and that was more than said other person would ever experience, made you giggle. He has a lot of growing to do but you hoped to do it together, knowing that his heart (and his trust) were much more fragile than he might admit.
Ryoga Tosa:
Ryoga is very awkward around you when he has a crush. His stutter gets worse, and he seemed even quieter than usual; the serious look on his face always left you wondering if you rubbed him the wrong way, which directly opposed how he actually felt. He knew being honest was the best idea, but he didn’t exactly see himself as a viable partner, not knowing what he could even offer you in a relationship. He’s content being friendly, but he feels his anger building at the concept of you being with another person romantically.
Ryoga is a protective boyfriend. He doesn’t want you to suffer for his sins, nor does he want you to get a poor reputation because of him, so anyone who has anything nasty to say about you would have to get through him first. He almost doesn’t tell you when insults fly or when he gets into arguments because he doesn’t want you to worry about them or he thinks he should just handle it himself, but you are the person who gets to see the gentler side of this mad dog.
Shion Kaida:
Shion is a smooth operator, flirting with you like it was his second-nature (because it was). He’d become almost too charming for his own good, especially when he saw interest reflected in your eyes; he couldn’t help but launch an attack, wanting to wrap you around his pretty little finger just for all the fun you might bring to his life. Having genuine feelings beyond his normal lust and desire for fulfillment causes him to put a temporary pause on flirting, almost treating you like any other person on the street that he wasn’t attracted to or attempting to sleep with. It’s a defense mechanism more than anything, but he needed time to mull over the feelings in his head and see how you reacted to him pulling back so drastically before he attempted to pursue you seriously.
Shion is a loyal boyfriend. While he remained a little flirty out of habit, he didn’t have eyes for anyone but you. The only person who could satisfy him was you, which was a big responsibility in your eyes but Shion thought you had him handled just fine. He might crave your attention, or demand it depending on his mood, but he returned the affection tenfold. He’d never leave you with a doubt in your mind that he’d love you for an eternity, though he would have to tease you if you were to get jealous of his surface-level interactions with others.
Yuto Inukai:
Yuto considered it a very strong admiration for who you were as a person. He couldn’t help the electricity that shot through him when he saw you, the excitement clear on his face as he tried to think of any excuse he could to talk to you. He felt more at ease talking to you than anyone, trying to ignore the worry that he complained too much and you might think he was a person who only knew how to complain. The romantic feelings aren’t quite obvious until Kenta started dramatically gagging at your interactions, cursing and ordering the two of you to get a room (even though you were simply having a conversation).  
Yuto is a boyfriend who always tried his best. He’s late to dates, he can look a mess when he does show up, but finding that work/life balance is difficult for him. But you’ll have him one hundred percent, even when he’s exhausted to the point of fighting his eyelids despite the sun being high in the sky. He appreciated that you were patient with him, trying to navigate the new relationship by spending as much of his free time with you as possible. He doesn’t expect you to put up with him forever but he hoped to grow into the man you deserved, with a better grasp on his chaotic life.
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rotnik-tmblr · 10 days
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I wrote this last week while sleep-deprived on a train and forgot to post it but here we go:
The Coffin of Andy and Leyley has magnificent storytelling and character development because on the surface it looks like just another toxic relationship but as you learn about the Graves and why they might be the way they are, you can see it's about one's poorly-planned scramble to survive, and the other's hesitancy to help as much as he actually wants to because of the threat of societal expectations.
Ashley doesn't care about anything as long as she and Andrew can live happily together as long as possible, and she has every reason to behave that way because Andrew is the only person who's ever shown her genuine compassion. She was always bound to latch onto him from the start because she never had anyone else to spread out her affection, so it's all going to Andrew, causing an infinite loop of dependence on him.
Andrew on the other hand very much cares about other things, because he at least had the affection of their parents and so he knows he can find affection from others, but he is also somewhat aware that Ashley depends on him for survival, and he does love her too much to let her die, even if her demeanor and behavior leads him to lash out sometimes. Andrew does want to have a "normal" life, but that also means he wants a good relationship with his family. His relationship with their parents is already... tolerable, so he focuses on Ashley because she doesn't recieve affection from anyone else and he doesn't have anyone else to show affection to once they're placed in quarantine.
There is of course Julia, but Ashley puts a stop to that. She needed to. Ashley is impulsive and a little eccentric at times, but she's clever. Clever enough to know that if Andrew starts to focus on someone else, she loses the only person who cares enough to keep her alive. This might've also influenced her treatment of the childhood friend from the flashback, whether or not she realized it. Andrew also seemingly doesn't see Julia as most people would see a partner, whether or not he realizes it. He might be attracted to her, and his desire for a "normal" life might lead him to look for a girlfriend, but that's all it is. Even if he feels something for Julia, she's just a set piece for the model life Andrew's been groomed to chase. When he tries to personalize that ideal, what's the first thing we see him request? That Julia tie her hair up. Returning to the classmate they killed, he was completely oblivious to her crush on him. That's not particularly abnormal, most people go completely unaware of the crushes people have on them, but thematically I think it shows he isn't looking for anyone but Ashley. Again, he might not realize it at that moment, but his ideal life involves Ashley, and that seeps into what he's been told is the ideal life.
Then there's The Vision. You know the one. I think Andrew's reaction isn't that he's been found out, but that he's had the puzzle pieces forced into place for him and it's understandably surprising. His reaction of panic is enhanced in my opinion when you realize this, because it's not about that anymore. It's about the fact he isn't going to have the "normal" life that's been drilled into him. Andrew wants to be "normal", only to satisfy what the world expects from him, and on a more hidden level, to better care for Ashley. But he had options, and could've seized them as seen with his ability to make friends and find girlfriends. Again, his panicked "We're not like that / Why are you like this" isn't out of disgust in this context, he's just had a plan in the works presumably since grade school, and is having trouble coming to terms with -at the very least- strong evidence that his plan is going to fall apart and he has to start a new, less conventional life from scratch. He's also not explicitly disgusted when their mother accuses him of already realizing the vision, he's just surprised. He doesn't sour his face or spew the normalized judgement his mother does, he just tells her that it isn't happening, and the exchange ends when Ashley returns.
Ashley on the other hand doesn't react as strongly to the vision because she's already come to terms with it, admitting she's honestly surprised it hasn't happened way sooner. She already cares for Andrew and only Andrew, in her own weird way, being shown to think of him as "The Best Thing In The World." Andrew might've had other options if the vision hadn't shown them their fate, but Ashley didn't. Andrew has always been and will presumably always be her only option.
(It's been a while since I played so go easy with any counterpoints, I mostly just remember the vibes of the game)
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beechbloom · 10 months
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Dazai's love languages
Word count: 0,8k
Cw: mention of loved ones being lost, some angst
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1. Quality time
Dazai knows that time is short. At any moment, the people in his life can be taken from him. Because of this, he truly takes the time to cherish the moments he shares with those he cares for. Going for a walk, visiting a bar or cafe, or just simply relaxing at home together. If it's time spent with a loved one, it's time well spent.
He'd practically be attached at the hip to a romantic partner. No matter what they're doing, where they're going, there's barely anything that would prevent Dazai from attempting to tag along. He has to be with them, of course. Because if he wasn't, he might miss their smile, their laugh, or some endearing little thing they'd do. They might need his protection too! Of course, Dazai has to come along. It's only logical.
2. Physical touch
He'd be all over a romantic partner — clinging to them at all times. Hugging them, tapping his lap to make them sit, sprawling across their lap on the couch, demanding kisses, holding their hand and swinging it back and forth as they walk. PDA galore.
If his s/o doesn't allow him the physical affection he craves, he'll sulk. "Come onnn. Just a little kiss, I promise!" He'd still try to respect it if his partner was truly uncomfortable with it. Buutt,, he'd be a little bit of a nuisance regardless. Announcing when he wants touch and being like "Oh, who will satisfy my thirst for physical affection? If you don't embrace me soon I might just get so desperate I'll hug Kunikida!"
Though, these actions don't necessarily hold the most weight. The moments that are more genuinely meant to convey his love to someone are typically less energetic. Sitting alone outside, sharing a comforting silence before he suddenly pulls them into him to lean on his shoulder. Or quietly reaching out to hold his s/o as they lay beside each other in the night. Them doing the same sort of things to him will also make him feel loved.
3. Acts of service
He isn't one to do this much himself. Though if he happens to hear his s/o mention they need something, and he finds himself at the store later that day, he could definitely pick it up for them.
If someone does an act of service for him however, it actually means quite a lot; more than he thought it would. Someone doing something for him, something he didn't even ask them to do — it feels as if they're acknowledging his humanity. That he too is a person that might need help every now and then. It's not something he expects from another person, so when it happens it can catch him off guard, bringing a warmth to his chest.
4. Words of affirmation
He's very good at giving compliments and smoothly making someone feel special. These compliments, however, rarely feel genuine on his part. He either does it to get something out of the person or to entertain himself or others. Of course, it can be to get a smile out of his loved one, but he doesn't really think much about the words spilling out of his lips in those moments. "You are the light of my life! My one and only! Beauty that compares to the gods!"
The jokey, energetic flare can also be dropped in favor of something that sounds more serious. "You can do it. I've seen you do it many times before, and you can do it again. You won't fail." But he will still feel detached from it, as if he's reading from a script. He wants to be real, to share true words of love, but it all feels so fake to him no matter what he says. It's much easier for him to pull his partner close, to hold them, and hope they understand.
Him receiving affirmation is also conflicting, unfortunately. Dazai isn’t used to it, and a lot of it really doesn’t reach him on an emotional level. It just feels like empty words being thrown at the walls he’s built up around him.
However, when those words do reach him, he feels it very strongly. It’s soft, fluttery, and makes him feel an unfamiliar warmth… and that almost scares him. He’s not sure how to handle it. The phoniness of his words becomes so blaringly obvious and ugly in comparison to theirs. He’s not sure he could give them anything real in return, not sure he deserves it.
5. Gift giving
Whilst he would appreciate getting gifts, it wouldn't instinctually register in his mind as something being done out of love for him. He received a gift, cool! Now he has a thing someone gave him! ...What should he do with it?
He also isn't a big gift giver himself. Sure, he might give a little something for a birthday or something, but he's not one to constaltly shower people in gifts. It's just not a love language that comes naturally to him at all.
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eldritch-spouse · 9 months
Note
Pinnie.
Pinnie Pin Pin.
You can't just tell us that the neck is an erogenous zone for mushroom people and just leave us like that.
You know we need to assault that overgrown fungus man's neck.
so how would he react if his piglet immediately took every opportunity they had to get their grubby little hands/lips on his dick neck? :3
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Letting you know how sensitive his neck is was perhaps one of the worst things Morell could have done. And he knows this. He knows, because your eyes twinkled in that same way they always do when you're up to no good.
The chef braced for a whole lot of shenanigans, but he never expected you to be as persistent as you're currently being.
" Morell... "
He sighs, looking up from full pots on the massive stove and rolling his eyes at your figure seated on the nearest empty counter. You can make puppy eyes and swing your legs all you want, Morell's not letting you have this any time soon.
" Fer tha last time, Piglet- " He warns. " Yer not touchin' mah neck. "
" But I- "
" Drop it. "
With a different tone comes a different message, and you're wise enough to listen, sulking on the cold stone while several bobbles hurry back and forth inside the kitchen walls. You watch them scramble like well-coordinated bugs under the shroom's iron rule and the chef returns to the task at hand. Seeing the way you're melting on his counter makes Morell feel a little shitty about his short fuse, but he's genuinely put off by the idea of you getting all over such a weak spot.
In fact, the monster is about to curtly apologize to you when you meet his side-glance with a slightly less depressed expression.
" Well, can I at least have a kiss? "
That, he can do for you. Mori smiles, pulling the top of his chunky pink scarf down and crowding you on the counter.
" Always, piglet. C'mere. "
...
In hindsight, Morell should have known better.
So much better...
Your lips curl in victory, and as you tug him down to plant smooches on his teeth, your tiny hands weasel their way past the hem of his neck adornment. Morell shivers hard, every single tap and drag of mischievous fingertips and flat palms on his anatomy felt with a fury. The shroom chokes and makes a sound that wasn't quite a whimper but could be mistaken for one, reflexively trying to peel away from the intrusive contact.
" Piglet! Fuckin'- "
Nothing quite prepares him for when you dart forward, face nudging his scarf out of the way to moan against the skin of his throat and suck at the sides of his neck with a determination and enthusiasm you only ever occasionally spare for him.
It's an intense level of stimulus all at once. Morell has no choice but to grunt and arch his spine, shuddering audibly when a wave of heat goes from the top of his cap straight to his cock. His arms grab onto the stone beside you hard enough you can likely see the veins in them. Morell can't help the disgustingly desperate noise that rips out of him when you lick from the bottom of his neck up to his chin.
" Holy ffuckin' shit hhn- "
In a glazed, horny stupor, he stops trying to retract his neck like a turtle and actually leans his head as far back as he can to give you more space. He'll deny doing this to his last dying breath, but it will fool no one.
The powertrip you feel as you lavish his neck in amorous, pervy attention is something you probably won't live down for a whole week, the vibrations of your self-satisfied giggling causing the chef to close his eyes and pant like an animal.
The shroom's cock tenses in his pants, tenting them obscenely. Morell is so out of his mind with arousal that he tugs your hips forward with enough force to bruise them, just so he can have something to grind against while you drool around his skin.
Maybe it's because he's never let anyone touch that part of him before. Perhaps it's because you are the one doing it, you want him that bad, you'd do something this filthy. But he's quickly becoming an overheated mess in your arms. He doesn't want to think about it, his cheeks are already so blue he's going to turn into a lava lamp at any moment. This display of vulnerability will haunt him for a while.
But it feels so fucking good...
The second you're bold enough to gently bite at him with your cute little teeth, Morell is clawing at his belt with a fury, this pitiful, jarringly submissive croon hissing through his teeth.
This new side of him is pretty interesting.
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nanfrost · 2 months
Text
A dive into Vertin's core aspect of her character and it's impact through the story: Part 1
This would be a character analysis with mix of speculations, headcannons and eventually just straight up heading to fanfiction levels territory, so if you were expecting a more cannon analysis, you have been warned.
With that said however, for those who are still interested, welcome to my insanity! This was something that I have been working with a friend of mine who you may or may not know as @acesw for the past week, and we are finally satisfied with it enough to post it! A lot of the ideas that are present in this came from them, while I offer my own interpretations and expanding on those very ideas through my writing. Without them, this analysis likely will have never come to fruition, so I can't be thankful enough for having them go on this journey with me, and also to just have as a good friend. Go check them out, they have really neat ideas and is a genuinely creative and artful person!
Now with that outta the way, time for the main event you are have been waiting for, our one and only beloved Timekeeper herself, and the emotional roller coaster that we have prepared for her. Please do enjoy.
Background context:
Vertin is an incredibly interesting and compelling character in many ways. Her ability to care for other people to a great extent whether she knows them for long or not. Her compassion for everyone around her, her empathy, her willingness to open her heart and listen to others when it matters. All these traits make up who Vertin is as a character and is a large part of why so many people fall in love with her and the story; to not only see more of her but to see where her story will go.
However, there is one part of her character that stands out the most to us, a core aspect of her character that makes up most, if not all her major decisions in the story up until this point, and will be the main subject of this entire analysis.
And that is Vertin's incredible sense of selflessness.
From going out of her way to save Regulus and not let her be forced to be taken in by the Foundation. Her attempts at getting through to Schneider, to understanding and showing her immense compassion even in the heat of moments. Choosing to stay behind in the Walden to fend off the Manus while the others escaped, and most crucial of all, her conscious decision to bury all her trauma inside herself to prevent others from worrying about her. Hell, even her entire motive and drive to seek the truth about the Storm and a way to stop it stems from her desire for freedom and the future of everyone.
All of this is in some way driven by Vertin's selfless nature, always prioritizing the sake of others above herself, to the point of risking her own life if it means she could protect those around her.
She's someone who will go out of her way to connect with others, even when knowing that the pain of losing them will never fade away, to give them comfort and help them if she can no matter what.
It is an incredibly beautiful part of what makes Vertin such a compelling, lovable, and admirable character and person, but at the same time, it also represents Vertin's biggest issue about herself.
That Vertin isn’t just selfless, she is selfless to a fault.
Vertin will prioritize saving everyone above herself, or rather, she would prioritize and save everyone but herself. For Vertin intrinsically has no sense of self-value nor self-worth; in other words, she has no self identity, for her entire life is valued based on other people, not herself. This can bring a lot of self-conflict, as well as possibly even harming others when reaching a point where every step taken is crucial.
And this serious of posts will detail and explore this aspect of her, its ramifications upon the character, and to not only show the ugliest and most painful parts of it, but to also show a path that Vertin might possibly take in the story to confront this part of herself somehow. In other words: welcome to Vertin's suffering builds character arc.
What can we tell from canon?
Where do we start seeing the decision making? We already start seeing them in the first 2 chapters. In summary:
Chapter 1 - Vertin continuously is left with decisions that she has to make on the fly, starting from deciding to try to see if Regulus can survive the storm and choosing to stay behind the Walden and risk getting harmed by the Manus Vindictae for the sake of her team as well as helping Schneider.
Chapter 2 - Vertin finds herself having to choose between keeping her silence and “joining” the Manus, and when she initially refuses, Arcana has her answer questions that bring unsatisfactory answers, leading her to harm Schneider. But when she does say she’ll join, she is first tasked and eventually manipulated to “kill” her.
Now, that’s all fine and dandy and does communicate that she is a very altruistic person and a selfless individual, but how is any of that bad or problematic? How does that correlate to her not having any sense of self-worth? Chapter 1’s ending is the first instance we get to see just how far Vertin’s selflessness goes, by her decision of staying behind to grant Sonetto and the others time to escape. Because of Vertin’s sacrificial play, Druvis and the majority of Manus didn’t pursue Sonetto's crew as aggressive as they would have, giving them time to properly make their runaway. Not only that, but both her and Schneider were kept alive, albeit captive. 
There, Vertin’s selflessness is shown in a good light, being an admirable trait of hers that was crucial in progressing the story. This is the only instance in the story so far that has highlighted this trait of hers in a positive light, which is then contrasted by what happens in chapter 2.
Here, that aspect of hers that so far has been so boldly displayed as a good thing; saving Regulus and her team, is now flipped on its head, showing us that sometimes, being selfless simply isn't enough.
Vertin was put into a situation where she needed to make a choice, to either join Manus or reject their offer. When she chose the latter, Schneider was put into danger. And as each question Arcana asked piled on to her and the pressure started to rise further, Vertin went back on her words, choosing to stay with them. 
This is so she could ensure Schneider’s survival, a selfless choice she makes for the sake of a person she had barely known. It was also here where Vertin’s naivety blinds her of the situation she was in.
That no matter what she chose, Schneider wasn't going to make it out of this.
Schneider had already betrayed them, but even before that, she never truly believed in them in the first place, only soaking up to them for her own personal goals. She was the one who lied to Manus about her identity, to pretend to play along with them until she bided her time, and now she was captured right in their hands. 
It doesn’t take much for one to come to the conclusion that Schneider was a dead woman walking.
Yet, Vertin did not see this. For her view of the world even at this point was too naive, warped by her own perception and belief. A belief that by giving herself up, by throwing her own agency away will somehow lead to other people’s lives improving. That somehow, someway, by disregarding her own safety, the safety of others will be secured.
Vertin is living in a highly warped perception of the world, thinking and believing that if she alone suffers, no one else has to. 
Green Oranges serves as a reality check to Vertin, albeit one that Vertin was unfortunately in too much emotional distress to properly realised.
However, it’s important to note that the game was rigged from the start. Regardless of what Vertin would have chosen, Schneider was going to “die” there either way. So although we witnessed the consequences of Vertin’s selfless choice, it would be unfair to call it her fault. So for now, this chapter only serves as a warning to Vertin.
That even if her selflessness is admirable and has paid the way to many good results, her complete lack of care for herself is not, and is leading her to believe in a false image of the world. A flaw that she will continue to neglect until it becomes far too late to remedy.
Chapter 3 and 4 are the harder ones to allocate, mostly because Vertin isn’t the main focus and rarely appears in the story at all except for flashbacks or dreams. But it still serves a very important role in giving us another facet of this character trait that Vertin exhibits.
That this selflessness of hers doesn’t just affect her, but also the relationships she has with the people around her, and specifically, her crew and Sonetto.
We were told that before Vertin was put to sleep, she had acted relatively the same as she always was, carrying out her duties until she was forced to be sedated and put into the coma we saw her at the start of Chapter 3. We knew that Vertin had set up plans in the form of Lilya and the bill she made with Madam Z, but this was something that wouldn’t be known by us or the other characters until much later.
For the entirety of her time spent before the events of 3 and 4, Vertin kept herself closed off, ensuring that she wouldn’t worry her new friends and even more so, Sonetto. But as a consequence, this results in nobody truly knowing what Vertin was thinking or trying to do prior to going comatose.
Sonetto, Vertin’s closest companion, someone who knows Vertin the longest and has been with her the most, wasn’t even privy to what Vertin’s plans were. She was left struggling to figure out what she should do to help Vertin, while also battling her own inner turmoil.
Druvis, Sotheby, Regulus, APPle, all of them were also victims of this. They had no idea what Vertin was planning, nor was even given any hints; they were left to their own devices and in turn, the influence of the Foundation. Vertin may have tried to help them by not getting them involved with the Foundation matters, but this ironically only led to them being drawn into the organisation because of their desire of wanting to help Vertin.
If Madam Z hadn’t come in to give Druvis the push she needed, Constantine likely would have gotten things to go her way. If it wasn’t for the collective efforts of Z and Vertin’s crew and so many others, Vertin likely wouldn’t have been freed. 
These two chapters showcase the loyalty and trust that her friends have in Vertin, but it also highlights the issue of Vertin always trying to hide things away, to always keep herself emotionally closed. Even if she had good intentions, it still led to less than favourable outcomes that could have very well ended badly for all of them had things gone differently.
With that, we have gotten a rough understanding of Vertin’s character up until this point. Vertin’s selflessness can be an good thing to posses, but because of her disregard of her own well-being and her naive belief that only she needs to make sacrifices for the good of everyone, it is ultimately an unhealthy outlet for Vertin’s way of coping with her trauma. Not just internally, but externally as well.
From here on, I will be diving into my own personal headcanon of where the direction of the story might go, with the purpose of having Vertin’s character be pushed slowly towards a breaking point that will force her to confront this very part of herself, and perhaps, come out learning something from it all.
Speculation: Vertin’s breaking point
Before we get into it however, there is one thing that must be noted here so that the events that will transpire would make more sense.
That being how exactly could the story push Vertin’s character to her limit, when she herself is a naturally strong and composed person? It’s quite simple really, in fact, the answer was already given to us all the way back in Chapter 2.
Vertin’s one crucial weakness that even she might not even realise, that being her overwhelming compassion for those she cares about.
Throughout chapter 1 and 2, we have seen how Vertin deals with stress. How she is able to mentally process the situation around her in a logical and composed manner, allowing her to come to the best possible solution in a short time without letting her emotions run rampant.
And during her confrontation with Arcana, she continues to showcase her composure when faced with a difficult situation and choices. That is until Arcana began to shift her hostility towards Schneider, and we start to see the cracks forming at her surface. 
Vertin is capable of dealing with high stress situations, however, when that situation involves other people, especially those she has come to know or care about, this mask of calmness starts to slip as she reveals how she truly feels.
That Vertin cares too much to see other people get hurt, knowing she can do something about it.
But this wasn’t enough, Vertin might be faltering, but she still tries to keep a calm level head, even when each question gets more and more personal for her. But it was okay, so long as she answered truthfully and picked their side, things will “somehow” work out.
This dream is then shattered by Arcana’s mission given to her; to kill the girl she had chosen to save by throwing her agency away. 
Here, the mask falters even more as Vertin slips further into emotional distress. This is the rare time, and really one of the only times you get to see Vertin raise her voice, far from her monotone voice she always has. It was getting to her.
This is then exacerbated from her shooting Schneider. Even if it was not by choice, Vertin was still the one who pulled the trigger, the one that held the gun against Schneider, and the one that killed her; a girl who she had come to care a great deal about in such a short time.
Here, the mask completely falls as Vertin expresses just how much this breaks her heart. The only instance in the game where Vertin ever shed a tear for something or someone.
So it’s clear now that the biggest strength to her character that Vertin has; her love and compassion for others, is also her biggest weakness. A weakness that can be exploited and used to push Vertin past and even beyond her breaking point.
So let’s do just that.
The narrative will go like this: Vertin and her crew are tasked on an important mission of some kind, where they are given more control and permission to decide and do more so long as Vertin is the one making those choices. This puts Vertin into a position of power much higher than she usually assumes, which will first add a layer of stress over her as she carries out her mission.
Then, the story will sprinkle in a variety of different decisions that Vertin has to make, some big and some small. All of them have some kind of effect on the people around her or their situation. This further adds stress to the girl, now having to juggle the responsibilities of making the difficult choices and decisions that no one else can, because she was their leader, the one assigned to do the job.
At first, things do start to look better as her crew tries their best to assist her, and the situation starts to look more promising. It would be here where a wrench would be thrown, completely sending the whole mission into disarray.
Something completely unexpected occurs, causing chaos and mayhem to follow suit. Vertin tries to assert the situation and find a way to stabilise the people, her crew doing their best to help. However, in their task of ensuring the situation doesn’t derail any further, her crew subsequently split off from her, leaving the girl alone to her own devices.
Here, we begin the start of Vertin’s downfall.
Now without her crew or Sonetto’s help, Vertin is now forced into a situation where she needs to continuously make quick and decisive actions on the fly, all to ensure that things are kept as stable as possible. This leads to her going out and helping as many people as she can, trying to resolve as many issues as possible by herself so that others can focus on their safety. 
However, not every situation can be resolved peacefully nor gracefully.
Gradually, Vertin is faced with more and more difficult choices, ones that require her to choose one side or the other with escalating stakes and tension. No matter what she chooses however, people still get hurt, lives are still put in danger. And Vertin, being the girl that she is, can’t bear to see it happen.
So she tries to find ways to choose both, to save both parties so long as she can help it. Even if it meant having to risk her own safety, Vertin cannot bear to choose one and let the others perish. She can’t allow that to happen.
So she gives herself up to the task of saving people. To abandon her own safety and subsequently her own agency in order to ensure that others will live. So that everyone can make it out even if she doesn’t.
If only she is the casualty in all this, it is the result that Vertin can accept, a result that Vertin can be at peace with.
What she doesn’t realise, or perhaps she isn’t willing to see is that she’s forcing herself into a corner. By placing so much emphasis on saving, by abandoning her own safety and subsequently her own position of power, Vertin has left a chain of command with no real leader, and the situation starts falling into chaos. 
But she can’t see it, Vertin isn’t able to recognize this because she’s so intensely focused on the people around her who are suffering right that moment. Her composure is slipping, as she watches as people’s lives are being destroyed and perished rapidly before her eyes, and she can’t seem to make it better no matter how far she keeps going. This only furthers her careless act of selflessness, forgoing more and more of her own life until it was the last thing on her mind.
Eventually, things reach a boiling point where Vertin, alone, is faced with an obstacle that directly threatens her life and countless others. She now faces a choice, whether to prioritise her own safety over the lives of dozens of people, some strangers, some whose faces have grown familiar to her, or throw her life away again with the blinding hope that things will work out.
If she chooses to run, choose to save herself, Vertin can never live with herself. For a girl like her, who has made it her life to save anyone she can, and so running away can never be an option for her. So naturally, without a second thought, Vertin chooses to throw her life away in exchange of saving everyone’s lives.
A decision that will haunt the girl for the rest of her life.
By the time Vertin awakes, she finds that she is still alive, unscathed at that. But only a moment passes before Vertin notices the countless bodies of those that died, and the destruction that was wrought about around her. At first, she was confused, then the memories started to flood in. 
The memories of the moment she chose to throw her life away, chose to give herself up for the sake of others. And in that instance, someone did the same for her, pushing her out of death’s way as they sacrificed themselves for her. Someone she personally knew and cared about.
In the end, Vertin faces the result of her sacrifice; nothing but lifeless corpses, an utter wasteland filled with bodies with no souls left in them; and she alone survives.
But she might as well be dead, life completely leaving her quickly dulling eyes, a single thought consuming her mind.
This was her fault.
She chose to give her life away, to disregard her own leadership, her role and her worth all for the sake of others.
Because she was too selfless, too kind to ever let herself bear the guilt and burden of letting innocent people die when she could have saved them. And she thought that by sacrificing herself, she can do just that.
She never accounted for the fact that someone would save her.
That someone would prioritise her life over countless others, to choose to sacrifice themselves for someone like her. To give their life for Vertin.
Vertin kneels, her arms and hands shaking as her eyes froze still. She can’t bear to look at the scene before her, her stomach rising to her chest.
For she has finally seen the reality of the world around her, finally acknowledges something she has willingly and selfishly ignored for all this time.
Vertin has always had some level of survivor's guilt within her. Starting from the breakaway incident, Vertin had likely always felt how unfair and cruel it was that only she got to live, when she was the one that was responsible for leading them here.
Sure, the kids went with her because they desired the same thing, but it was she who led them, she who gave them the spark of desire to want to venture out, and because of her, they were all gone. 
Vertin has been carrying that guilt ever since, always masking it under layers and layers of self-imposed composure; a way to protect herself from the pain of the past, but as a way to stop people from getting too close to her, because she is afraid that something similar might happen again if that was the case. That if she were to let people know her, to get to care about her, that they too will suffer because of their involvements with her.
But Vertin was too kind, too good, too compassionate. Even when she emotionally distances herself from others, people still flock to her because they see just how kind she is.
Because even when she doesn’t show it, the girl cared enough to go out of her way to save them, so of course they would be grateful to her, of course they would feel immense gratitude and appreciation for her. Of course they would choose her as their leader and follow her. 
And of course, one of them would throw their life away to save hers. 
Vertin had abandoned all self-importance or self-value, believing that she, the lone survivor of a terrible tragedy, the one who shouldn’t have lived for the sins that she had committed; deserved no such thing. That someone like her should not dare to believe she had value, when all she had done was cause death to those she cared about. That was what she had believed in, what she had convinced herself to believe in.
Because of that, she ignored the signs. She ignored the warnings given to her by others, the warning that if she keeps going down this path of self-annihilation, that eventually she will be met with a fate much worse than death.
In her selfless attempt to save everyone and everything, she had selfishly taken away the people’s chance to save her. To save the girl who had suffered far too much and who had helped even more, even when she can’t see past her own warped perception of herself.
And now she is facing the consequences of that. She is now looking at the results of her blindness, the carnage that was her willful ignorance to herself and to others, and the irony of being the only one left alive through it all once more.
In the past, she was an unwilling player on a chess board designed for her to lose. Now, she was the girl who gave up her own King for the all her pieces, and in return, she lost everything.
Vertin facing this, her composure long since lost, finally breaks.
She slumps onto the floor, her body and mind utterly overwhelmed with every facet of emotions she could conjure within the darkest pit of her stomach, all while drenched in the blood of the people she was supposed to save.
The blood of people who knew her, who admired and respected her, who cared for her, who saw her as a friend, who saw her as family. All of them suffered at her hands, at her own selfish choice to forsake her life because she saw no other way; because she perceived that there was no other way.
And she can't bear all that guilt. All the pain and unprocessed trauma she had buried inside her now finally comes bubbling out of her, completely suffocating the girl. That lack of self-value that she harbours now replaced with unending resentment and pure unbridled self-hatred. Something she had always carried inside her that only got worse over time, and now, it finally had an excuse to be let out.
An existence that had done nothing but wrought pain and death to everyone it ever cared about. An existence that so readily throws its life away at the slightest of inconvenience, never caring about what others think about them, for they were too blinded in their own suicidal nature to ever think that they deserved to be cared about.
Vertin truly believes that she does not deserve to be cared about. She truly believes that she is the worst of the worst, an willfully ignorant murderer, so blinded by their own vision of the world that they refuse to see the reality as what it is. And now, they're paying their just price for it, a price they should have paid long ago.
Vertin knew better than anyone, that she was nothing but a murderer.
Part 2
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dreamerinthemoonlight · 3 months
Text
Taking them Home to Meet the Parents (Marius, Artem, Vyn)
This was originally two parts, but I don't think splitting them up makes much sense. Not when both are written and part two was only Vyn
Requests are OPEN, pls check rules before requesting
Cw: just fluff, a shovel talk
Marius x Fem!reader, Artem x Fem!reader, Vyn x fem!reader
Marius
Your parents are split when you bring him home for the first time
He easily charms your mother who thinks he’s “just such a nice boy, you should keep him y/n”
Mentally you’re like “uh huh. sure. Such a nice boy and the biggest tease in Stellis.” Not that you’d mention it. There’s no point in enlightening your mother during their first meeting
Your father is a different story
He’s heard rumors of the younger von Hagen boy and is  suspicious. Very suspicious. though you’re sure his mood is more about the boyfriend bit, not the von Hagen bit. He’s your father after all
The three of you have dinner, while, Marius chats with your mother and your father subtly not grills him on every topic imaginable
When dinner is done, your father drags him outside for a little talk. Before they leave your mother tells him to “be nice to the poor boy, he’s probably terrified” yes, yes he is, but he leads meetings in front of cranky old men all the time. He’s not going to show your dad just how terrified he is, lol
The shovel talk goes about as well as can be expected
“If you hurt my daughter, I’ll make sure you’re a permanent missing person’s case.”
nope, nope, not terrified at all to which Marius responds with a very quiet, “Yes sir, I wouldn’t dream of hurting your daughter”
Your father would be satisfied with the response and the rest of the night goes very well
Before he leaves, Marius definitely gives you a kiss that has your mother blushing, you breathless, and your father reaching for the shovel. It’s something your should have expected, really. Marius wasn’t going to be able to pretend all night. He never can.
Artem
If your parents would be of split opinions about Marius, the opposite is true if you brought Artem home
Your mother would be very pleased with the way Artem cares for you and how much he respects you. Of course, he treats her with the same courtesy, if not with the same openness. 
Your mother does remark that he seems a little distant and very formal. You merely shrug and tell her that Artem is just like that. 
Even with the distance your mother is easily won over
Your father is even easier to please. It’s painfully obvious that Artem respects you no shovel talk needed
He’s even happier when you tell him about his accolades. He wants someone who can take care of his daughter, who can support her no matter what she decides to do in live and Artem is certainly capable of doing so 
After dinner, Artem insists on being the one to drive you home (you came together anyway), which pleases your parents immensely. 
Vyn Richter 
Your dad was seriously trying to find fault with Vyn, he really was
After all, only the best of the best get to date his daughter
But this is Vyn. Despite his god complex, he has his good points and he knows full well how to put those on display
So instead of seeing “your daughter calls me professor in bed” he sees “successful psychiatrist, professor, and someone who will treat his daughter right”
And he will. Red flags aside, his distaste read: hatred of PUAs shows that he will not descend to that level of manipulation
What only you see is that Vyn is genuinely nervous. He doesn’t have a lot of experience at this stage of a relationship I wouldn’t think anyway and he is not nearly as perfect as he’d like to be (you spent an hour trying to convince him that it was going to be fine
So he results to assuaging your dad’s doubts and charming your mother
Boy howdy does he charm your Mom. His polished and refined manner, strict adherence to etiquette, and the gentlemanly way he treats you has her over the moon
So while your Dad is like, “he’s dating my daughter, I don’t like him. But damn it he treats her like a queen” Mom is like “great job, Y/n, he’s a keeper”
Actually, for a moment your mom is a little self conscious over the homely dinner she spent some much time on. I mean, this is fine dining, best of the best, Vyn and he can’t totally dampen that vibe.
But once things really get going, your dad stops interrogating Vyn and your mom stopped feeling so self conscious (a genuine  “compliments to the chef” from Vyn did the trick) things go fairly smoothly
Vyn soon stops being so nervous, to which you think “about damn time” and you end up having a very interesting dinner time discussion
By the time Vyn leaves, all mistrust has been dispelled
As far as you’re concerned, it’s a resounding success
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Platonic!Yandere!Izana with his child
Request of Anon: Hi! Thank you so much for answering my question! I just wanted to make sure before sending in a request. Would it be okay if I request headcanons for yandere!Izana having a daughter maybe around the age of 8? How does he show his love and care? Does he even love his daughter how a father should? Any overprotective actions? Also would je chose his daughter over her mother? (Although the mother isn’t that important. I’m just interested in his motives and if he genuinely would love his daughter) And could we (the reader) be in the daughters pov please? :>
I'll be honest with you. I had to think your request through for a good while. Even now I´m not so sure, if I really have grasped the character of Izana in this scenario. Also I decided to write it mainly gender neutral, because his behaviour wouldn´t really change for a son or a daughter. Both would be his pretty little precious angel. I´m sorry if this is shorter than expected!
Izana will try to be the picture perfect papa for his little darling → he knows how much it hurt to get left behind by his mother, his father was never part of the picture to begin with
What his little angel wants, his little angel will get
Doting and overprotective. Forget playing outside, there is everything you would need right here, where papa can still have an eye on his little darling
He hounds his child, never far away. Every small cry immediately draws his attention. His child will never have to beg to get his affection
Don´t mistake his words and actions, while he is overly protective and territorial with his child, it doesn´t mean his emotions aren´t entirely platonic.
Because he will always stay around his kid and is in the habit of not trusting them around other people, his darling will be unable to make any friends, though Uncle Kakucho is always fun to play with
„Papa!“ More a demand, than anything else, but one that always came easy to you. Quickly soft footsteps came over, and before you knew better, you were already on level with soft purple eyes. He always did that, when you called him. With a satisfied sigh, you grabbed around his neck to pull yourself closer, as he lifted you slightly to make it easier for you.
„What does my angel want?“ It was murmured softly into your hair. His breath tickling you, and you giggled lightly, as you pushed his face away from yours. Hiding your face in the crook of his neck you said nothing. At least for the moment.
You could hear his sigh. But he said nothing, and simply carried you with him, as he went back to his desk. You could hear the quiet shuffling of paper and knew that your Uncle Kakucho was back again to help your Papa again with his work.
Slightly lifting you head you could see his gentle smile, and you just waved at him. His scar and pale eye as familiar to you, as your fathers soft silver hair, and empty smile.
Papa sat down with a slight grunt again, settling himself down, before letting you slip properly into his lap. His arms still pulled you tightly towards him. You knew, he would hold you as long as you wanted. Never urging you to let him go before you were ready. If an emergency arose, he would either sent your Uncle Kakucho or put you into his care, making sure you were alright, before dealing with it himself.
The silence was growing between the three of you, as you still tried to find your words. It was hard to figure out, how you could say it. In the end you settled on something simple.
„When does Mammy come back home?“
Your father was quiet. In moments he grew as still as a statue. The noise of Uncle Kakucho working stopped as well. He was also holding himself impossible still. You never knew, that people could look like that.
You waited for one of them to say something. Fidgeting the whole time. Your eyes nervously jumped around the room. Never settling any where for longer than a few seconds. From your toys spread throughout the living room. Towards the books your mammy always liked to read, while your papa played with you. To the dining table full of papers. Your mama hated it, when papa worked here. She was always scolding him.
She seemed sad, the last time you saw her. You knew, that your Mama never quite liked you. Maybe it was because you reminded her too much of Papa. While she never pushed you away, when you wanted to hug her. She also never approached you first, like Papa did. Her whole face also never lit up, when she saw you. Her smile was so tense. Nothing like the easy smile that Uncle Kakucho tended to have.
Though the last time you saw her, she kept you in her lap the entire night. Whispering lullabysto you, while carding her hand through your hair. You never knew she could be like that. You always knew your mama was beautiful, but in that moment she seemed like an angel. She had big watery eyes, and you don´t know why she apologized to you that night. But she stayed till you felt asleep. The next morning she was gone.
You still missed her.
They were still quiet, and so you urgently pulled on your Papas hair to get his attention. He flinched slightly, obviously having been lost in thought. He gently pulled your hand away from his hair. Not caring, that you accidentally pulled a few strands loose. He was holding your hand, gently stroking the back of it with his thumb.
„Your Mammy...“, he trailed off. A pinched expression on his face. His eyes flicked over to Uncle Kakucho.
„Your Mother, my darling, she had to leave...“
„Why?“
And wasn´t that the question. Your papa looked uncomfortable. He was pulling a face, and seemed to try to look at anything but you.
„I don´t know. Not where she went. Or why.“
Your Papas grip suddenly seemed tighter. He curled around you. Pressing you even closer to his chest, and slightly lifting his legs. Right now, he seemed to be able to completely surround you. His violent violet eyes staring at yours. A slow smile creeping over his face. For one moment, it was more of a snarl, than a smile.
He gently cupped your face, in his hands. „But never worry! Papa will always be right here...“ His voice bright. He sounded like he always did. A strange melody to his voice. You never heard anyone else talk with a sound like this.
You cuddled back into your papa, as a gentle kiss was pressed to top of your head. Uncle Kakucho had started to work again, after shooting you a quick smile. Your papa was humming something under his breath, as he rocked the both of you gently from side to side.
As you were falling asleep, you could hear them talking again. Voices soft as if not to disturb you. Your questions answered you could fall asleep peacefully.
Your papa was truly the best.
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