#it had more context in discord but whatever im still posting it

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

#ramblings #what do i even tag this

[generalpalacefishgoop]

You know the posts recently about bbh neg on twter, the timing of it with that going on, makes me want to hurl, they don't give a shit about "victims" or the real issues. They just want to dunk on the next cc they hate using the current "momentum".

You know what, I say let them go ahead and try to "cancel" Bad, really, go ahead. They're just regurgitating shit DSMP fans has said over the years again and again about Bad. Its fcking funny actually. Oh not forgetting they had to invent new ones or ones THAT THEIR FAVES HAVE DONE TOO BTW, to "cancel" Bad. To think I was looking forward to QSMP fans being "healthier" or "better" than DSMP ones, oh boy am I sorely disappointed.

Let them run their mouths about Bad. Cuz I'm 100% sure the CCs , QSMP admins, and Quackity give 0 shit about them. Etoiles knows and has already expressed how he knows that Bad is overly hated by the fandom and how he receives neg on the daily. Despite knowing that, he's still cordial with Bad. And he even expressed how he tries to not be "angry" or "frustrated" at Bad or else the parasocial fucks will come running to "defend" him from "evil" BBH when he has said a million times over that its not a fcking big deal, and hes just expressing himself NOT IN A NEG WAY. but noooo parasocial fucks be like "oh no my skunkrly wrunkly his feelings got hurt oh no" same shit with foolish fans. Fcking blind af. Esp the new ones who hasnt experienced the prank wars in dsmp. Fcking joyless fucks who cant handle a fcking block game that theyre not even playing. But thankfully, Etoiles stopped being so concerned, and well, yk with Foolish lmao same old same old.

(Disclaimer: SOME FANS NOT ALL, IM TALKING ABOUT THE TOXIC PARASOCIAL FUCKS, YES EVEN THE BIG ACCOUNTS ON TWITTER WITH THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS. You know who. Big numbers doesn't mean they're more RIGHT. A parasocial fuck is a parasocial fuck. Also, when I say parasocial, I mean the ones who are toxic and project themselves onto the CC. Being parasocial is fine, if it's the healthy kind, if you know what I mean)

I digress, there's no fcking unfollows or subtweets from CCs to Bad, unlike with D or F. In fact, some CCs and CLOSE FRIENDS of Bad's have always praised Bad and defended him TO THIS DAY. If that is not enough of an indication of how unproblematic he is, Idk what else to say. Just fuck off and live a life in constant misery and hatred ig. That's why don't respond to fucks like that. Just mute em. They can yap all they want but it means SHIT ALL if you don't see it. BBH's community is WAY WAY smaller than the whole fandom (and theres wayyy more toxic fucks) so bbhs community saying shit back to the toxic shits will also mean SHIT ALL. They CLEARLY don't watch Bad anyways so what's the point. Better way to deal with this shit is fight the misinformation, that's all. Spread more positivity and give ppl FULL context and CORRECT information. If you see some shit against Bad, report it and send it to whatever ban list qsmp uses. Send it to mods or something. Ik that Bagi's discord has something like that.

Oh but ppl be like /rp or /lh or "it's just my opinion", who gives a shit. Still report them. We're not dumb. The mods or whoever admins are not dumb. That negative toxic fuck smell on it, is fcking obvious enough.

STOP GIVING THEM ENGAGEMENTS. We can happily stay in each others bubbles without ever talking to each other, AND THAT IS FINE. Don't let the negative fucks in. Mute and report them, and I guarantee you, that fcking stranger on the Internet, you'll forget within DAYS. those fuckers won't even exist to you, vice versa.

THEIR WORDS HOLD NO POWER OVER YOU OR THE QSMP COMMUNITY. KEEP THE QSMP COMMUNITY HEALTY AND SAFE. Fuck them toxic shits.

#qsmp #qsmp fandom neg #neg #discourse #fandom neg #rant #badboyhalo

[renchant]

What's happening?

heres some context before i get into what happened november 23rd

delilah made her tweet about quitting content creation about a month ago

(she did come back but its still important she made this post at all.)

people noticed she had unfollowed zam, wasn't friends with him on discord anymore, etc. which was very surprising as they had been very close before as far as we could tell.

she even left the kaboodlesmp without, as far as i know, a proper goodbye stream within lore. the account just quietly unfollowed her in october and said goodbye to her alongside ivory and ivo in a tweet made at the end of the season.

we didn't know what was happening, but it was clear (atleast to me and my friends) that SOMETHING was going on behind the scenes.

exactly a month after delilah made her tweet shown above, which was 2 days ago as im posting this, delilah posts this tweet about princezam being emotionally abusive.

im going to be including alot of interactions that happened under this tweet, and related things, because i think its important to see EVERYTHING.

I apologize if the formatting is messy and hard to follow, tumblr doesn't let me properly rearrange images for whatever reason.

bormethius immediately replied with these tweets

he also had this interaction with someone under that tweet

& posted this on his alt

Delilah and Bormethius had this interaction under Bormethius's original reply to her tweet

Thats where Bormethius's response ends currently.

Subz's replied to the original Delilah tweet with this

And replied to her tweet asking Bormethius what she lied about with this.

Subz said these things in his discord server. These screenshots are from my friends so I don't know the full conversation or context, but I think they're important to include regardless. These are taken November 23rd/24th

That's what Subz has said. He might've said more in his discord but I'm not going to go looking for more. If anyone wants to look for more, you're welcome to.

vPluto replied this to Delilah's original tweet, which Delilah later hid.

Delilah responded with this

Delilah had this interaction with someone under that tweet

vPluto also retweet Bormethius's original reply to Delilah, and that's where his response ends.

Coinmonke replied to Delilah's original tweet

Delilah responded with this

These are screenshots of messages between Delilah and Coinmonke

Do with this information what you will. Zam has yet to say anything about all of this, and Delilah & Bormethius both seem to be making documents about whats been going on the past few months.

There are some people claiming to have known Zam in highschool and that he was a massive bully, but I will try and add that in a reblog, or a seperate post, at some point since I personally haven't looked at all the information there and wanna make sure I get that all down accurately and this post is already getting really long.

UPDATE NOVEMBER 26TH: Zam has released a statement saying that Delilah was the one who emotionally abused him and has provided screenshots in his statement. You can read it here.

#tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

[cerealmonster15]

hi. i posted my fankids earlier so now welcome to cereals caterella multiverse chart kjlfdsjklfjs click for better view but also my handwriting sucks and i made this in like 2022ish in the privacy of discord dms so ill do my BEST to retype all the words and explain under the cut as much as i can/remember LET'S GOOOO

god where to even start. hi. ummm ok so caterella, for general context, is something i'd see around occasionally in people's fanarts/theories/aus/etc of cater being in a cinderella role, i think inspired by him talking about how he has 2 older sisters that are kinda bossy.

over time i went into the madness. and i cannot commit to one idea so i just have Several and this was my attempt to "organize" lol. cater is the protagonist in all of them, and not everyone is a love interest, it all DEPENDS!

oh i also wrote in the bottom right corner: * they can all be in standard au [i think i meant like, canon compliant lol] but some are specifically here w/one specific story involved (????) (IDK LOL)

let's start with... [im gonna rewrite the text but also add bits for context lol]

"That Guy" Trey:

unassuming love interest

usually not actually a prince [some of these aus are actual royalty aus i guess lol]

"bake :) or bff" <- i think i was trying to say he's a baker and if he's not a love interest he might just be in there as cater's supportive bestie.

line to cater: either bff -> lovers or baker for a red herring prince surprise romance [??? girl help decoding my phrasing here is gonna be so hard]

underneath i wrote (or secret prince?) but i dont think i ever explored that possibility lol

i always have to explain why i keep calling trey "that guy" lol. it's cuz in the original jpn twst, during the scalding sands visit event, when cater was announcing he invited trey to come, the fan translation said cater was saying something like "and who's caykuns mystery guest? it's THAT GUY!" and then trey appeared or something lfdskf i dont remember exactly but i know he was called That Guy and so my friend and i were calling trey That Guy for sooooo long.

ok so i think what i was trying to say for the most part is that trey is a friends to lovers surprise love interest in scenarios where the main plot makes you THINK the love interest is a fancy prince, hence the "red herring prince" comments. i have a google doc that mentions this that ill copy/paste after i get through each person's general primer but for now let's move on!

"Hornton" Malleus:

he is lost + confused

secret prince

✨mystery✨

another green guy

line drawn to cater: prince not invited to leona's party, solidarity w/cay?

^another storyline i get into in the google doc lol. i think this one is specifically an actual not nrc AU where cater is trying to go to a prince's ball and leona's the one throwing the ball lol. we'll get to that!

i dont talk about it here but i also had an au based off a song i listen to [tir a nog i think?] where malleus is a fae prince from an enchanted forest and cater's sick of his everyday working life and wants to run off to a fanciful land, meets malleus, malleus wants cater to runaway with him back to his fanciful forest and BE HIS BETROTHED or whatever lol. i have a few doodles of it somewhere and i still think about it sometimes

the really long outer squiggle line is drawn between malleus and leona on the chart and just says GRRR lol, they have beef which we will GET TO LATER and i mean also canon beef lol. u already know that.

"Fairy Godmother" Lilia:

cryptic support to mal and cay

knows things but will withhold lore for a more interesting story

mentor to malleus

basically like regular lilia lol hes a bestie and a mentor and a wingman depending on the situation. i think in the cater going to the ball au in one instance he is more of a literal fairy godmother support, other aus he is more figurative lol like the supportive bestie!!

[im going in mostly clockwise order but i def wrote these out of order when i made it so thats why the numbers are off LOL] [i skipped idia but i put him in way later/last so ill get back to him sdfjklds]

"...Fairy Godmother 3" Azul:

contract wishes

😒

line to cater: hires @ mostro lounge to fund the 'date vil' campaign which leads to [jade route]

i go more into this in the google doc also but i actually made a post about that one ill link it in a sec foooorrr.....

"Mushroom Man" Jade:

not a prince

standard universe

secret, unexpected love interest

line to cater: bonding while working together; the vil goal is slowly forgotten in favor of new bond with jade (alt angst if cay still goes for vil)

ummm teehee. i go way more into detail in THIS POST HERE where i doodled the concept out and talk about it more

"Shitty Banana Prince" Leona [SORRY FSKLJDFJDSKLFJ]:

red herring prince [as in hes usually not actually a love interest but is there to make you think he is but it's actually someone else's route]

sometimes just here to be divorced to someone when it's funny [i think im talking about vil and malleus mostly here lol]

the banana thing is bc how in twst canon, grim calls savanaclaw "bananaclaw" once and after that my friend and i have forever called them the banana boys ksdlfjdls it has nothing to do w/the aus

anyway the line from cater to leona: forbidden crush on prince he doesn't actually know, leading to another route (usually trey)

other line: alt: DIVORCE(lol) <- i didnt elaborate here but i have to assume i was talking about the concept idea i wrote in THIS POST about cater/leona being bitter exes/having had a summer fling making things awkward in book 2....

i have since started liking leona/cater a little less ironically lately [tbh i dont think it was ever ironic i was just in denial lol] so um. id probably have mentioned it here if i made this chart later l o l

oh also the line between him and vil: also sometimes divorced ♥

ok moving on for now!!!!!!

"✨Sparkling Prince✨" Vil:

standard prince/love interest

sometimes a red herring in other routes

other times more of a supporting pal w/connections

exes w/leona when it's funny

cater -> vil: fanboy crush ♥

vil -> cater: slow, tsundere crush lol

rook & vil: "lol do u like him?" + ♥ <- ill explain in rooks section hang on lol

once again stay tuned for the google doc shit vil comes up there too lol dsjklfjdslf im so glad i found that doc before i started this bc i forgot about a lot of it. ANYWAY

"Fairy Godmother...2!" Rook:

line to cater: cryptic support

vil's pal, but his partner in non-vil routes

knows all. ALL.

:)

jskdljfdskl so ya rook is like #1 supporter in the cater/vil romance routes, but bc i love rook/vil also, in any cater/someone else routes, rook is probably dating vil instead/eventually lol bc i LOVE THEM SO MUCH anyway.

rook has so much lore but just like lilia hes weird about it. he cant just TELL YOU things outright. where's the mystique. come on now.

"Prince Charming" RSA OC... I have not named him yet <- I hadn't named him til after i made this chart but THIS IS CHAR!!!!

standard au

childhood au

potential red herring

char -> cater: had a crush on cater as children; thinks meeting again is fate

cater -> char: ??? were each others first kiss as kids, but what does it mean now 🤔 [i was being ambiguous on how cater feels about char lol. he may or may not return the feelings depending on the branch]

i go WAAAAAAAAY too deep into the au in THIS POST. Dañarte didn't exist yet when i made this chart so he originally wasnt involved but he sure as hell made his way into the narrative later lol.

i started writing actual story during nanowrimo but dear god it's such a task. idk if i will ever post that or if ill just forever do random lore/doodle posts, and i if i did start posting it, it would be a very casual multichapter sandbox zone for me lol. very messy soap opera energy. we'll see.

anyway i dont remember how much i mention it in the post but char was also i think potentially there to be a rival for other characters. like oh nooo prettyboy from rsa is here to sweep cater off his feet, u better act fast!!!!! jldkfjklsdjfkldsjf i love being corny. anyway moving on,

"Fairy Godmother 4" Kalim:

platonic prince pal [uhh idk if i meant that in some of the aus kalim is a prince, or if this was way back in the early days where i still had misunderstood kalims family and thought he was a prince lol]

connections and money

confused, but spirited

line to cater: bestie nooo don't text ur ex- <- i have a very specific memory of a doodle i did of cater, i think in pop music club, taking out his phone and going "im gonna text my ex" and kalim running for his phone going "BESTIE NOOOO" and i maybe was referencing a meme sorta??? or just a vibe idk. multi layered. anyway idr if i had a specific ex in mind here [it was maybe leona????? bc i DID write that alt:divorced thing for cater and leona.]

it ironically does fit in my char branch once i came up with the shit with dañarte as cater's ex lol but ik that's not what i meant here bc like i said, he didnt exist yet at this time!!!

ok much later i added in idia lol

"MARSHMALLOW fae prince eppa lol" Idia:

aw man i didnt write any notes here LOL but that's ok i know what this was about. this is also the forbidden marshmallow thing i mentioned on the fankids post earlier today sdkjfjdskl

anyway. i maybe mentioned it here once idr butttttt marshmallow eppa stuff. that's a lot of inside jokes my friend and i stacked over time

marshmallow: a few years ago i was drawing cater x various ships loosely for white day bc i didnt get a chance for valentines day or something? idia's thing was giving cater a marshmallow lol. so we have a lot of jokes about idia leaving anonymous marshmallows for cater and cater being like aw man i dont even like sweets. who is doing this to me kflsdfjsl

eppa. ummm. when i was trying to come up with char's name, one of the possibilities was eppa. but my friend came up w/the idea i think of idia having like a fake rsa prince persona that cater falls for, instead of char being a real guy [i split the aus instead lol] and that inspired me to write a little bit based on that idea. i explain it a bit and also posted the [unfinished] story chunks in THIS POST. it would eventually have a happy ending i just didnt intend to write the whole thing so it ends a bit awkwardly here LOL i only wrote a little bit

ok NOW i can talk about the other google docs. kdsjfkldsjkfl from 2 years ago.... ill copy paste exactly what i wrote [and only edit typos/autocorrects lol] and try to explain after if it's needed

[DOC START]

Something something cater wants to go to a party / ball / whatever held by Leona’s family or something. idk what type of universe this AU is exactly but shhh details whatever. It’s a fancy party with attractive people and cater wants magicam pics!!! Maybe also 2 find a prince to fill the lonely void in his heart lol, and Leona is the red herring prince that caters like “omg he’s dreamy maybe He’s The One”

Vil is there for some reason. Maybe he has an invitation as a celebrity guest and cater is begging him to let him in as a plus one? Vil says no and warns him not to try and get in bc guys like Leona suck anyway or something idk (blah blah leonavil divorce lol). Vil doesn’t even wanna go but he has to for his image , and tells cater it’s for his own good that he’s not taking him 🏃 

So caters pouty , and I think this could have different alternate routes. 

One route: he doesn’t find a way in but is curious anyway and finds himself going to the forest outside the venue and hears the jams and stuff, and he’s like “wow why am I so sad that I’d go skulk around the outside of a party I’m not even invited to” and he hears a Voice “you were not invited either, hmm?” And caters like AAAAAAA and it’s a mysterious tall horn man lol. Hornton tells cater that every year his invitation is claimed to have been “lost in the mail” but he’s pretty sure they just don’t send it bc he and the prince don’t get along.  Cater is about to ask how this guy knows the prince , but then the distant music gets all slow and sweet and the mysterious man asks cater to dance with him there in the forest ✨ 

Something something idk where it goes after that but eventually cater learns that guy is Also A Prince lol, his dream of finding prince charming fulfilled. Maybe sometime between meeting malleus and before the conclusion, lilia is the ~fairy godmother~ role of mysteriously befriending cater and being messenger between the two (thinkin about the role he plays in giving yuu that holiday card lol, stuff like that)

Another route: cay cay is sulking and goes to hang out with his good buddy pal kalim, who is this route’s ~fairy godmother~ bc when cater is all 😔 about the party, kalims like “oh! I’ll take you :) I was invited too!” And he buys cater a fun and fancy outfit to wear. 

But then ! Kalim learns that cater wants to go and meet prince Leona, and Kalim is 😬 bc Leona is. not the warmest guy in the world lol. But he doesn’t want to crush his friend’s dreams 🥺 so he has to think of a plan to get him off the Leona track!!! He goes to Jamil, who is like, idk his chef or whatever, bc Jamil knows Leona’s chefs too bc Kalim and Leona’s families know each other and go to each other’s events and hold joint events idk whatever blah blah lol

Anyway point is Jamil knows trey , I don’t know how that really helps anything tho LOL. I think Kalim is like “Jamil help me !! We gotta find other people for cater to talk to at the party so he doesn’t meet Leona and get his heart broken!!!” And jamils like “why does he wanna meet Leona. ew.” And kalims like idk bestie 😖

Anyway. They get to the party and Kalim is trying to introduce cater to every friend/acquaintance he has. Vil spawns a few times and is like cater 😒 I warned u not to come 😒 and caters like 😤 you’re not the boss of me vil!!! 

Cater also gets kinda drained from the tons and tons of people he and Kalim are meeting and chatting with. Jamil is lurking and watching like 👀 🤔 and goes to cater and offers to let him come rest a moment in the kitchen staff room and hide from the bustle of the party. Cater is flustered that Jamil could see he was feeling tired lol, but agrees anyway. 

They go and that’s where he meets TREY, who is there taking a break and idk just made tea that he offers Jamil and cater. They sit and chat a few minutes before Jamil makes a convenient excuse to leave the room and “check on something” aka just leave those 2 alone to bond lol. 

Something something they bond really well and dance together in the kitchen break room or whatever idk lol, cater gives trey his number, so operation distract cater from Leona is a success yaaaaaaay 

Maybe another secret route with vil, like surprise he’s trying to keep cater from Leona not only bc Leona Sucks but also bc he likes cater lol 🤫 

Not related to caterella at all really but too bad close enough it goes in the doc. 

Based off the Japanese version (🥲 eng twst whyyy lol) of that one story between cater and vil where cater says he thought about dating him / vil says dating him would be Expensive lol, au where caters like ok fine challenge accepted, cay cay finds a JOB and ends up… resorting to…. Getting a job at mostro lounge 🤧 to fund his date with vil one day lol. He probs bickers with the fish but also is maybe decent at it bc he’s a chatty boy so he’s like , a fun cute waiter people like having lol, and he’s used to having to work with riddle and the crazy queen rules so like, yeah I don’t think he’d LIKE the job but I think he’d survive, while also complaining to trey and riddle about it who are like “you willingly chose to do this” lol. Anyway plot twist vil was another red herring bc this was secretly a cater/Jade story all along WAHAHA. Idk just I think it’d be cute if they bonded over time working together lol. Coworker enemies to friends to lovers or whatever. Bonus points if Jade liked cater from the start but was just being a weird fish about it so cater was like “ah, psychological warfare, this one is my enemy”

[DOC END]

sorry i kept dunking on leona so hard LOL i think it's funny when characters have beef with each other and i especially love the beef leona has with both malleus and vil in canon skldjfkldsjf. ok that last part with jade is just the stuff that got mentioned in the post i linked in the jade section lol. but the other bits i think were ambiguous not nrc au but i didnt really specify the worldbuilding bc i mean... i wasnt writing a fic i was just having so many ideas LOL

ok we are almost done but while i have u here im just gonna copy past another doc from later that same year KLFJDSKLFJDKSL it's shorter and not really 'caterella' but at this point i kinda call a lot of my cater ship ideas caterellas lol

context i THINK i wrote this when i was falling asleep and also i was still kicking and screaming about using leona for stuff kLJFKDLSJFDLS SORRY I WAS SUCH A HATER and now i have like. a begrudging love-hate relationship with him. hes a bitch but he is a very interesting character 😔 ok i digress that's not the point here kfljdsflks ANYWAY REALLY QUICK CONTEXT the following doc was also bc i couldnt stop fuckin thinking about that flying class leona line where he goes "i caught a bird." bc like wtf. why. cat behavior. put it back u bitch. and then i also would think about how cater and leona both stand on their broom and are regarded as really good fliers. ok ok ok ok let's go

[DOC START]

UGH lol

Leona and the bird right. It’s joint flight class, Leona and cater are standing all cool on their brooms and caters trying to get a selfie, Leona’s like 😒 

Then Leona catches a bird for no reason, as he does, like a cat, and caters like omg ur reflexes are so cool LEMME TAKE A PIC PLZZZZ PLZ PLZ PLZZZZZ and Leona’s like fine whatever do what you want 

Cut to Kalim on the ground like omg I didn’t know cater and Leona were friends!! The second years are sitting in the grass doing stretches for some reason I guess lol. riddles like they’re not friends, wtf is he doing up there 😒 

Kalim checks his phone and sees the pic cater posted , and looks back up where caters still hovering around Leona and smiling, and he’s like OMG do u guys think they’re dating!!!! Did Leona ask cater out with this bird??????

Jamil’s like 😒 wtf why would he do that

And kalims like idk what else would he catch a bird for cater for!!!!!

By the end of the day the rumor shot through the school

Ruggie tells Leona but Leona doesn’t care , rumors are rumors

Then the tabloids are like “second prince Leona might’ve finally found his life companion?!” And Leona still doesn’t care bc tabloids are dumb and they’ll move on eventually when they realize it’s not true

But then Leona’s brother calls and is like “Leona! You didn’t tell me you’d found someone special?? I had to find out through cheka showing me an article online!!! When are you gonna bring this cater boy to meet the family??” And Leona’s like wtf 😠 so he goes to heartslabyul like “hey 😤 wtf is this rumor” caters like I didn’t do it 😒 you literally watched me post the bird pic and that was it, I said NOTHING of romance 😤 

Meanwhile lilia: oh my, you’d best find a bigger bird with shinier feathers before it’s too late

Malleus: [brooding sounds]

Azul: ……what kind of bird do you think Jamil likes….

Floyd: I know! But I’m not telling :)

Birds flock to silver like the Disney prince he is, people probably think he’s got a secret fiancé lol

NO I don’t know where this is going but I thought it was funny 

[DOC END]

fjsdlkfjdlks ok sorry this one actually needs some explaining probably bc like most of these docs theres a lot of inside jokeys/references to many convos we'd have on the characters lol

one point is that we used to joke about like, sitcom style rumors growing out of hand and SO fast. especially with the first years + kalim and silver, but i guess in this case it was the second years, with still kalim LOL jsdklfjds.

second i have many ships. i like bringing them up when theyre not relevant. i like lilia being an embarrassing dad and wingman for malleus. i guess malleus has a crush on cater in this scenario bc i have always LOVED cater/malleus lol.

of course i found a way to mention jamil/azul sjklfjdsljfdlsj i think my friend and i would also joke a lot about azul having a crush on jamil and being kinda jelly that floyd gets to hang w/him at basketball practice/floyd being a little bitch about that for fun KJFDSKLFJKDSLJF

bird proposals. it's absurd but i think these goofyass kids would believe anything if you said it convincingly enough. remember how for like 10 seconds ruggie and the other banana boys thought leona had literally turned into a tsumtsum. anything is possible.

ok dear god my hands are going to cramp ive been typing for like 2 hours. if anyone read this entire thing im very impressed but i highly doubt many people did LOL but that is ok 😌 just looking at the pictures or skimming is so understandable. so is scrolling away bc this was so long LOL OOPSIEEEEEE anyway. i finally got over myself. i have so may thoughts in my head at all times and im literally always bursting at the seams to talk about them. hi. hello.

ok bye KLFDJSLFJDSKL

#uhhh #cereal tries to draw #cereal writes #and also? #caterella #just so i can find this post easier. im sure ill be looking for it one day #and bc i link like 3 other posts in this one lol it's a good ref spot #lies facedown on the floor. do u understand why i kept putting off sharing this LOL #sorry if i missed any typos or if anything uhh. didnt make sense #probably a lot of it doesnt make sense LOL oh well I TRIED #but. i can always explain more. if needed jkfdlsjfkldsj #OK BYE FOR REAL

[dupliciti]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

repost, do not reblog this

NAME: rath, debating on switching alias to terios

PRONOUNS : she/they

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : discord 100%. i do not just use mine for rp so i don't really mind if from the get go we exchange usernames for it. will be okay chatting in IMs as long as the messages aren't too long since they're a mess to read sometimes

NAME OF MUSE(s) : sampo

BEST EXPERIENCE : honestly this has been my best time. i'm not in school so i don't gotta worry about that and i've made friends with some chill people and also enjoy seeing all my mutuals. i get to talk about sampo in this void it's great asjkdgh uh which i mean is half of the reason i made a blog in the first place, i needed to put my hcs and thoughts into something! and the fact that people are receptive and in turn will write with my sampo is all i could ask for

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : ship collecting. i don't want to feel like you're following me just to ship with me because i'm not into that and sampo in particular is difficult. i do not mind talking about ship potential, but if you're just following and opening up with shipping.. nope

assuming something about my muse, like something personality or motive wise i mean. sure, he's a canon character, but i have thoughts on literally every little thing in the game regarding him. analysis... headcanons... they all have their place and build upon my understanding. this is basically the only muse i write atm so i have the time to spend like this on him and it means a lot to me when people observe my flavor of sampo in the light i've tried to put him in. the same would apply to any other muses i write

ghosting. i've had this issue a couple times already within this rpc which... it's whatever. but idk, i feel like if you've made me put effort into communicating with you and you just take off after gradually putting me in limbo with you or giving weird responses... it's off-putting and makes me feel as if i've wasted my time. what i’m talking about in particular has always resulted in the other person blocking me without a word so yeah. that’s what i mean by that. outside of this context, softblock or hardblock me, no hard feelings.

not cutting posts? i can't think of anything else super pressing

MUSE PREFERENCES: i'm trying to think of the types i've written and it's usually similar to sampo in some manner? so dabbles in crime, mysterious background, hard to trust, doesn't trust others. mostly that stuff??? i think nate drake is the only example of me attempting to write one of my fave character types? which would be golden retriever-esque (but he still does illegal things sooo) but i usually don't end up writing them fsr outside of that asdjkgh

PLOTS OR MEMES : plotting is preferred and accepted for anything. uh memes are fine? sometimes i just get overwhelmed with getting a lot of prompts... like rn.... lol

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i prefer a happy medium especially if we have multiple threads. you could write me a one liner and the shortest i might go is a paragraph, so yeah. longer stuff will take me a bit to respond to but sometimes shorter stuff i struggle with if we haven't been plotting idk asdjkgh i prefer writing a couple paragraphs personally

BEST TIME TO WRITE : i am realizing i have more energy in the mornings for writing but i usually don't wake up early enough on work days. evenings are great, nights not so much. after an 11 hour work day i'm typically drained.. it sucks bc that's when i have the most free time

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : no not at all LMAO, he's v much the opposite of me in every way possible... well. i don't really trust people easily so maybe that?

Tagged by: i seen many do this, i steal

Tagging: @aventvrina, @crimsonbesotted, @deathsmaidens, @defiedlife, @voidfragments, @sagnaevi, @iiryoku, and whoever wanna !

#( dash game; ) #( ◇ ᵐʸ ᵈᵉᵃʳ ᵃᵘᵈⁱᵉⁿᶜᵉ┊ ooc; ) #long post

[smol-sirens-garden]

Some more things that need to be said...

So I am a bit freaked out still and can't sleep so a read more because I can't get over this....

So to update a bit earlier I got a weird anon about my partner with a wild claim in it. I get it probably came out of a good place but frankly it was a little terrifying a bit creepy and both me and my partner are no losing sleep trying to figure out what in the blue hell is going on.

Tumblr is my safe space and by sending that anon what you may not realize is you threatened it. From how things look someone saw a reddit post and then some how tracked down my tumblr. For one my partner does not use tumblr. Yes they have a blog they use to use for roleplay that I helped them with and it is linked in my about but it has nothing to do with their reddit. The names don't even match on it. Also in the reddit post my partner mentioned nothing about having a girlfriend.

From the context clues this does have to be someone we know which begs a few extra questions. Why tumblr? If you know both of us which has to be the case then you probably could have messaged me anywhere and for two why on anon?

At the same time if this person does know both of us it's obviously not enough to know all the circumstances. For one my partner was misgendered. For two part of the message did not make sense. One reason I don't answer the anon by the way is it has personal issues especially in the link of the reddit post that don't need to be aired out on tumblr.

On that note it brings me to continue my point. As I said tumblr is my safe space and my partner doesn't use it so the last thing I need is some anon coming in to start shit. Especially an anon that apparently thinks I'm stupid and don't know what's going on in my partners life. The anon feature is for specific meme's and for people who are shy to come to me about roleplay things. Not for some random person to abuse about my private life or other drama. If you want to warn me about someone, then don't hide behind a mask. Just come to me. All the mask does is make the claims laughable and baseless and basically when it boils down true it I am going to trust a friend more than I trust an anon. If you really gave a fuck about me being scammed then you don't need to hide to do it.

My partner went to reddit for help. Simple as that. So again the accusation are baseless but again personal shit not for tumblr. The reddit had nothing to do with me. I was just minding my own business trying not to get sick because I hadn't felt good all day.

Long story short the next time you want to "warn" be about something or someone don't do it in my askbox on anon in public. Talk to me like an actual human being because then for one I know you care and are looking out for me and for two it keeps tumblr safe. EVeryone knows im not shy about my dm's or my discord. If the person who sent the anon wants to come forward than please do so we can figure this out like adults and not like children. I am very much still confused and a little freaked out/scared over this and would like to resolve it.

Thanks everyone and have a good rest of your whatever time it is. This is all I needed to say.

#OOC #PSA #Do Not Reblog

[strawberry-barista]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙  𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙  𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓  𝘊𝘈𝘕  𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠  𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌  𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙  𝘈  𝘓𝘖𝘛  𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

NAME : Kohitsuji PRONOUNS :She/Her PREFERENCE  OF  COMMUNICATION : Honestly, if we're mutuals I generally prefer discord because it's something I will be notified on regardless of whether I'm on my computer or not or even which account I'm on. But I also don't mind using tumblr ims or whatever is best for my partners. NAME  OF  MUSE(S) : Sanae Hanekoma (@strawberry-barista), Wataru Koketsu, Megumi Kitaniji, Ryoji, MKN/Mikan, Yodai Higashizawa (@networkscrambled), Haruto Abe (@falseapostle), Aku (@mystical-strawberry-sheep), Souan Awaki, Kaoru Rindo (@enchantedbrew), Mr. Saguaro (@sweetlesson), Director Cyrano (@blueskilled), Byron Rosfield (@phoenixcoin) EXPERIENCE  /  HOW  LONG  (  MONTHS  /  YEARS? ) : Lord, I don't even remember. For a really long time, since I was in grade school. There's at least over 10 years in there somewhere. BEST  EXPERIENCE : Oh man. I don't think I could really make a decision like that. I have so many fond memories here already. I've loved every moment I've spent writing with Dusty and Morty and Willow and J and Alex and Egg and Katee and Roxy and Seb and Kellin and Ruby and and... I love everyone. I have had so much fun and I love everyone. RP  PET  PEEVES  /  DEALBREAKERS : The more I experience callouts and cancellations and things like that, the less okay with it I am. I think I will never make it a rule for my partners to not participate in that stuff because I know everyone is going to have a line where they feel like it's necessary, but I'm legitimately never going to participate or even listen to it myself. I used to sit on this line of "if someone is legitimately dangerous, I should not interact with them", but oftentimes the information I get to inform me that someone is dangerous just does not seem very well put together and reads a lot like yellow journalism in which things are cut and edited in such a way that the full context is totally missing. It feels misleading and purposefully made to start drama, and I really don't feel good about it. I don't think I can even stand by that previous standard I used to have anymore. I just straight up don't believe them, and if someone is legitimately dangerous, I guess I'll have to learn that for myself.

Especially when someone used to be problematic and are trying to apologize and make up for it and grow as a person. I don't feel like it's fair to force people out of a community because of past grievances that they are actively trying to grow past and not repeat. I understand past victims have no obligation to try to reach out again, but I still don't feel like that's reason enough to make sure no one ever gives them another chance.

I think this is the first and only post in which I'm going to go this in-depth about this, because I feel like someone is going to start calling me out just for having this stance. 😂 MUSE  PREFERENCES  FLUFF,   ANGST  OR  SMUT : Smut is almost never gonna happen with me. I will use it strictly to explore the potential of emotional exploration through the medium of physical touch and it's gonna be a whole thing if it does happen. Fluff and angst are loved tremendously and equally, however, I try not to write angst on this blog anymore because there was a time in which I was upsetting a lot of people with those kinds of posts. PLOTS  OR  MEMES : I am so terrible at plotting I run my blog almost entirely on memes. However, for folks that prefer plotting I will absolutely do my best. I just have a really hard time imagining specifics for my characters and have come to understand that I likely don't even really know how to plot properly? Because I thought it was sitting down to form a reason for characters to interact and like, a story arc and how we were going to get there and all that. But I've recently discovered it's mostly just independently talking about your muses to each other and their personal experiences...? I don't really know how to do it. LONG  OR  SHORT  REPLIES : The only thing that really matters to me is that there is something to respond to. Multiple replies in a row that are all just one line, however, makes me really uncomfortable. It feels like I'm not worth the time to respond to. I can have really short maybe 2 paragraph responses myself most of the time, but I can enough anything as short as just one paragraph to multiple paragraphs, as long as I have somewhere to go after that. BEST TIME TO WRITE : Generally I have the most time to do so from 6:30 am-ish to like 2:50 pm-ish. I might write after this on mobile, but usually after that time folks are home and I have things I have to do with them. And even then, my writing times can vary wildly and I will come on and off sporadically. I do the housework in my family unit so I have both all the time in the world and no time whatsoever at the same time. ARE  YOU  LIKE  YOUR  MUSE(S) : The only muse I'm even remotely like is Aku, who is a self-insert character. I try to play all of my muses the way I think they would in their canon universes and try really hard not to break the canon already established for them. If you can see me in any muse besides Aku, I'm doing my job poorly and I need to be informed.

tagged by: @charlotte-liddel

tagging: Anyone that wants to steal from me!

#anonymity annoying me ⤙ooc⤚⚄ #read by someone taken as a good one ⤙dash⤚⚄

[florenceisfalling]

sorry for not realizing, i hadn't checked your blog in months before today and i kinda figured you would have blocked me in the time i wasn't on tumblr if you didn't wanna talk. the post i replied to seemed lighthearted so i did not know. obviously no need to answer this as i won't ever see it, just wanted to say i'm sorry for upsetting you even if i won't ever know exactly what went wrong with us

i mean you still have my discord dms if you really wanted. in fact, you actually stopped responding to me, not the other way around. i didn't block you because a.) you were such a large part of my life for so long that, yknow, a chunk of my blog has some sort of attachment to yours, and i didn't want to fuck up my ability to see relevant posts if im trying to find old writing shit and b.) i always wanted to leave channels open because... again, you were a large part of my life for so long. i don't want to be your friend but if anything ever came up and there was something you needed or wanted to say i wanted that to be possible for the sake of "just in case"

regardless of if you "wont ever see it" heres my answer. even this ask answers itself for one of the reasons i dont like you. you hadn't checked my blog in months. which in itself is fine, but in the grand scheme of things - jesus fuck, man! you dipped out of my life almost entirely, on repeated occasions, unless i actively tried to drag you back in. regardless of how fucking apparent it was that i was literally on the Brink, you wouldn't be there unless i was the one to call. even after i tried to have an open conversation with you + others involved on how you were so bad at handling your shit that i thought random things i had zero involvement were my fault because no one gave me any sort of indication to what the fuck was going on.

you hung out with bullies and downplayed the deserved backlash. you don't know how to take other peoples feelings or lives seriously - something that hits me so PROFOUNDLY because your kindness and comfort used to be one of the reasons i liked your company so much. you hurt my friend. and you lied to me! and more, shit that i cant say here! and you would complain and guilt-trip about how you felt like everyone hated you and how you were such a bad friend but you so rarely made steps to actually change anything you were doing! of course you don't see what went wrong, you can't even look in at yourself without making everyone else feel like its their fault for being hurt!

and id love to say that everything ive heard from you and the people surrounding you is some kind of misunderstanding and that really and truly you dont deserve my anger. i dont think you realize how much ive sat over the past year and hoped that we were somehow gonna go back to normal. i wanted to tell you i got engaged! i wanted to talk to you about a million things! but after what i had to deal with last year (not from you, other shit entirely) i sort of learned that i cannot afford to trust anyone. you have no idea the fucking depths i went to and you are not going to know because the kind of people you seem to love aspiring to be/surrounding yourself with are the same kind of people who made my world feel like it was fucking falling apart. literally some of the most insane trauma ive endured was just brushed aside as silly discourse or jokes or whatever so yeah. not sure if i can trust that everythings all just one big mix up. messages are open but i am so angry and i cant change that even if i want to and i dont think you want to hear any of it.

and im sorry for being so lighthearted about you before i thought it was a post that would just fade into the ether like my other non-context bullshit

[boylikeanangel]

anyways

#IM NEVER OVER THIS SCENE HE FUCKING CLIMBED UP THERE WITH A LITTLE PICNIC #UNPROMPTED!! HE JUST THOUGHT YEAH ILL WAKE HIM UP WITH MARMALADE SANDWICHES #WE'LL HAVE BREAKFAST TOGETHER IN THE CROWS NEST AS THE SUN RISES GIVING US THE PERFECT ROMANTIC LIGHTING FOR OUR FIRST MORNING TOGETHER #this post is about the parallels between dougs first big gesture of love after they work everything out #being making mary breakfast in bed #vs stede bringing ed breakfast the morning after they form their partnership. btw #it had more context in discord but whatever im still posting it #NOW im going to bed #our flag means death #blackstede #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #wails from the abyss

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

[orcelito]

1, 3 and 4 for discordant accord?

questions from here

skdlfjsldfjk thank u for sending some !!

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Well! tbh discacc sorta started as impulse lmao. i'd been planning my magic prince au for a Month (which im still planning to do at some point) b4 i realized it was a bit too complicated a premise to have as my first fic. i decided i wanted to do smth Simpler, more straightforward, & so i wanted to do smth that in large part followed the plot of the game. built-in narrative outline like that. & when i thought about what i wanted to actually Do, i realized there were very few soulmate aus for this pairing, which i thought was weird considering how they really feel like soulmates of Some kind in the game. so i brainstormed what setup i wanted to do, since there's really So much u can do w/ a soulmate au. decided i wanted smth that got rid of the common pitfalls of the trope (Expected Romance between neat little pairs, lack of proper buildup to match the depth of the relationship, etc etc) and decided on the writing thing. built-in childhood friends au, which im a sucker for. and i was like. Yes. this is Perfect. brainstormed all of this in bed as well as the core plot things (like what happened in chapter 32 lol) and then the next day started writing. and i have not stopped writing yet. (magic prince au has thus gotten over a Year's worth of planning. when i can finally write it, it will be Glorious)

gonna put the other answers under a readmore so this doesnt get too long and also bc my answer to #3 has potentially triggering content (related to the tag on the post) SO

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

i love a lot of parts of the fic but tbh my absolute fav individual part has GOTTA b from the first scene of chapter 14

Without thinking, he opened the scissors. He slowly pressed the point of one of the blades down, right in the center of the message. The pressure turned into pain, and he watched in morbid fascination as a pinprick of blood welled up beneath it.

If he wanted, he could slash up along his vein.

He could be

Just.

Like.

His.

Mother.

With a gasp, Goro threw the scissors across the room. They crashed into a wall, then fell to the floor with a clatter.

not quite a single line BUT. god. i wrote this whole scene in the like 30 minutes before dnd and it was all i could think about throughout it. the parallel to his mother was 100% unintentional, but as soon as i realized it i KNEW i had to capitalize on it. and i realized it where goro does in this, right where he's got the blade poised above his skin, JUST like his mom. and i wrote in his Horror at the realization, & how it snapped him out of it. & the setup of the line, how it's broken in his Horror, you can Feel it setting in............. Chef's Kiss

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

ksjdflksdjf a hard question for a Single line of dialogue bc i love so much of the conversations, BUT. for a Single line. it’s Gotta be from the sunset scene in the beach chapter (chapter 26)

Akira tilted his head as he smoothed a thumb below Goro's eye. "On TV, you have all of those things… but it falls flat. You're always pretty, but never in the way you are when it's just us two." He shifted his hand to cup Goro's cheek. "When it's just us, there's such a depth to your eyes… They're always alive with so much emotion."

Goro leaned his face into Akira's touch. Their foreheads almost brushed together with how close they were. Their breaths mingled in a way Goro always thought he'd hate, but found himself not minding with Akira. He stared into his eyes, waiting for whatever Akira would say next.

Akira moved infinitesimally closer, until there was barely any distance between their lips. He whispered, "They call our eyes the windows into our souls, so it's no wonder I think yours are so beautiful."

THIS SHIT ^^^^^^^^^^ that line of akira’s at the end (with the stuff b4 listed for context) it’s just. lskjdflskjdfskldfj. when i thought up that line i practically Yeeted myself out of bed to write it down bc GOD. it’s so fucking romantic. i love it so much. that whole scene was Sooooo good but God. akira pulling out all the stops. who knew this boy could be so romantic. 

#anonymous #ask #self harm ment/ #(for the narration excerpt) #ask game #if any1 sees this and wants to send me more PLEASE do i love this shit #i wanna talk about my writing sljdfslkdjf #god this got so wordy. sorry about that. but i have Thoughts #anyways thank u again for sending this ilu #discacc shit

[firemblem-fics]

SFW alphabet. | seteth

-> Pairing: Seteth x GN!Reader

-> Warnings: None

-> Genre: Fluff, Headcanons

-> A/N: this was chosen by a poll on my discord server except i gave no context in the poll so this is for y’all :) also uh im sorry if i’m not active in the next week, i rlly just had the absolute worst nervous breakdown ive had in a long while LMAO so uh ya might stay away from the internet for a while

warning, long post.

A -> Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

with seteth, affection STAYS private. it will never ever be displayed out in the open, especially not around the students. he prefers to keep personal relationships out of professional life

when he does show affection, though, it’s super slow and gentle. he always hugs you from behind and just sways side to side, pressing little kisses against your temple and cheek while you lean i to his embrace and close your eyes.

B -> Begin (How did the relationship begin?)

it didn’t really have a solid beginning. you just kind of wormed your way into seteth and flayn’s hearts unknowingly. when he asked to court you, you were super super hesitant because you didn’t want to replace his late wife. he assured you that she’d want him and flayn to be happy and that she’d 100% approve of you.

you still have your doubts, but seteth is always there to reassure you.

C -> Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)

cuddling is saved for nights or early mornings on a day off. seteth is always itching to get up and get things done, so it’s a little on the tougher side to get him to stay. eventually he caves and lays in.

you cuddle facing each other, your head tucked underneath his chin and his legs entangling yours. his hand that lays underneath you plays with the ends of your hair while the other rests gently on your thigh, which is hiked over his hip.

D -> Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

seteth’s thoughts rarely every go astray, but when they do, he imagines what life would be like, just retiring from the monastery and living a nice life with you. he’d like to settle down eventually, but not any time soon

he’s super good at doing his part in chores and duties! of course he is, but he’s very very reliable and does things when asked. it’s nice

E -> Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he would sit you down and explain his reasonings and such. it hurts him, definitely, but he does well at hiding it. until you leave his office, that is.

F -> Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

not any time soon, as said earlier. seteth really will not stop his obligations towards the monastery and to fodlan. he wouldn’t have time nor would he want a very extravagant wedding, either. a simple ceremony would suffice.

G -> Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

physically, seteth is the epitome of a soft, romantic man. his touches make you melt and he’s always trying to keep you comfortable and happy. if you’re content, hes content.

emotionally, not as much. seteth has trouble sympathizing with some things. he’s used to pushing his feelings aside for the sake of fulfilling a duty or doing something, so he struggles sometimes to understand why someone else can’t do the same. give him time, though, and he’ll get better at comforting

H -> Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

seteth’s hugs are firm and warm. they’re always like a passionate embrace, as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch you

seteth really enjoys hugs and physical affection with you, but as i said earlier, it’s always behind closed doors. sometimes he calls you to his office just so you can sit in his lap while he holds you.

I -> I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

NOT fast. seteth is kind of in denial that he even had feelings for you at first until flayn pointed it out, so it’s rather hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he loves you.

he does say it first though, as you’re half asleep, making you wonder if you even heard it correctly. you did.

J -> Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

seteth doesn’t get jealous, really. there’s really nobody around to even like, make him jealous. he knows that a bunch of weird ass teenagers like sylvain aren’t going to actually come in between his and your relationship. honestly, most people in the monastery probably don’t even know that you’re both in a relationship.

if he is jealous, he stays relatively nonchalant about it, asking you to help him with a task somewhere else to take you away from the person

K -> Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

seteth’s kisses are very loving and passionate. every single one of them are full of adoration, even the little pecks. they never fail to warm up your entire body as everything melts away around you

he loves to kiss your neck. not just for more intimate reasons, but because he absolutely adores your giggles as his beard tickles your skin

this only happens when your relationship has been going on for a while, but seteth really enjoys it when you kiss his ears. they’re super sensitive and they always tinge as red as his cheeks when you kiss them.

L -> Little Ones (How are they around children?)

seteth is super good around his own child, of course, but he doesn’t so so hot around other children. theyre often too rambunctious for his liking, but he’ll tolerate them enough to entertain them sometimes.

M -> Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

three words. soft, soft, and soft

you usually either wake up in the same position that you fell asleep in, or you’re spooning. seteth’s always the big spoon, no acceptions. if you’re spooning, he kisses your shoulders and the back of your head until you wake up enough to turn over and give him an actual kiss.

N -> Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

also soft, but a little less.

seteth is always so busy during the day that when he lays in bed, he falls asleep almost instantaneously. if you want to stay up and talk or cuddle, he’ll try his hardest, but please don’t be upset with him if he accidentally dozes off. he’s a hard worker

O -> Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait to reveal things slowly?)

this depends on who you are. if you’re the professor, you more than likely already know everything by the time you get in a relationship with him

if you’re not, then he trusts you enough to catch you up on most things in the early weeks of your relationship. sometimes there’s a little tidbit that he may have forgotten to mention in the talk that comes up later on, but that’s really it

P -> Patience (How easily angered are they?)

seteth has the patience of a saint

hehe

but no, literally. very rarely does he get irritated or impatient with you. you know how he is and know how he likes things to happen or be done, so you do them. kind of like in the Domestic headcanon, he does his part so you try your hardest to do yours. he doesn’t ever have a reason to be impatient with you and is actually rather understanding now that he knows how you function as well

Q -> Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

seteth remembers everything. literally everything. you’d think in his 1000+ years of life, he’d be an old ass man with shit memory, but no. to seteth, you and flayn are his number one priority and he’d never forget a thing about yall.

R -> Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

seteth’s favorite memory is when he accidentally walked in on you hanging out flayn. you two weren’t doing much other than reading and talking about your books, but it warmed his heart to see his two favorite people bonding

S -> Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

insanely protective, but like in things that matter. if you’re doing something that could get you hurt, he’s in defense mode trying to get you to safety. if you’re in battle, he’s sure to always know where you are just in case.

he’s not one to appreciate being protected- he feels like he failed to protect his people in the past, so to be the protected instead of the protector makes him a little iffy- but he’ll always admit that he needed the protection and will always show his gratitude

count how many times i said protect in that second paragraph wow

T -> Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

seteth is romantic. he’s not much for physical gifts, but the memories and sentiment and feelings are so real and present that you really don’t need material things to know that he loves you

of course he does give you gifts, like a pretty bouquet of flowers that he saw in the greenhouse, or a necklace or something from the market that reminded him of you

U -> Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

seteth tends to forget to slow down and take a break every once in a while. he’s constantly finding tasks to do around the monastery and doing things to help rhea that he often neglects his own well being. you always remind him and try your best to help him out, but he never really breaks that habit

V -> Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

seteth is rather concerned about how he’s seen in the public eye. how could he not? he’s a very prim and proper man. this, however, doesnt extend to you as much.

he doesn’t expect you to dress up to the nines every day just to be seen around him or whatever. he may be like “darling, are you sure you want to be walking around the monastery in your pajamas?” but the minute you’re like “hell yeah” he lets you be.

W -> Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

this is a tough one, because i feel like seteth would do just fine on his own and would still feel relatively whole. but there would always be like this tiny little sliver of him that constantly misses you when you’re not around

X -> Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

seteth has a secret, super playful side that only comes out when you’re alone in your shared bedroom. he likes to play wrestle you and mess around just to hear your laugh and see you smile.

Y -> Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)

in a partner, seteth wouldn’t really like someone who’s obnoxiously loud and blatantly disrespectful. it’s one of his biggest pet peeves and he wouldn’t date someone like that.

this doesn’t pertain to people who like, don’t realize their volume or is disrespectful to someone who deserves the disrespect, though. he doesn’t like just overly rude and jnconfiderate people who are like that for no reason

Z -> Zzz (What’s a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

seteth is the lightest sleeper in the history of the world. he’s always on guard for something to happen. i dont blame him, but sometimes even the littlest bumps in the night wake him up almost completely. don’t ever try to sneak out of bed because chances are, he woke up from you just opening your eyes.

if anything, this habit becomes even more prominent when you start sharing a bed with him. he’s just afraid of losing you is all 😃

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem x reader #fire emblem imagines #fire emblem three houses x reader #x reader #fire emblem three houses imagines #headcanons #seteth #seteth x reader #seteth imagines #saint cichol #sfw alphabet #lay writes

[cerealmonster15]

I’m acting on a whim and posting some unfinished(?) fanfic stuff I wrote like a year ago. Part of my many branches of caterella aus that has vague reference to one of my rsa ocs (dañarte)… but with a cater/idia main plot with jamil/azul happening in he background. My blurbs ended in a bit of a sad spot BUT it was always the intention in my mind that there would be happy resolutions 🙏 these were just little things I wrote for my friend and me bc it was an au we talked about…

Context: idia and cater are bonding, but only online over magicam, and idia is kinda catfishing cater (though not maliciously). when i was trying to name my original rsa oc (char) and looking at names, eppa was one of my initial possible choices. It was maybe my friend who had the idea initially of idia having a fake, RSA princely identity that cater gets to know over magicam?

Eventually I picked char for my actual guy, and dañarte became his cousin via me making typos and more discord sillies lol, but prince eppa became a pseudonym for idia and created another branch for the story. I’ve talked a bit about the dañarte lore and some of that comes into play here. Char I guess would too but I don’t think he got mentioned anywhere lol sorry buddy. But ya idia is pretending to be a prince at rsa named eppa who “secretly likes video games” or whatever I think lol. Idia likes his bond with cater but can’t even begin to think of how cater would react if he found out idia was lying to him.

Anyway. This is more cater/idia (and board game boys friendship) focused than anything (lots of idia pov pining lol) and idk if anyone would wanna read it but I’m putting it here to record keep anyway. No ao3 Bc It’s very unedited and unfinished and just kinda blurb writing lol

But it’s the only time if technically written for caydia. And I do like it. It’s just embarrassing bc I get embarrassed with my oc things and my love for romance drama but i guess I’ve been exposing more of it lately lol… shout out to anyone who recognizes the fic I’m referencing that I DID post lol.

Anyway. Copy pasted from my Google docs:

Idia’s computer pinged as a message appeared on screen.

C.Dia - eppa, are u awake?

Idia looked at the clock, startled. It was 3AM… Idia was still up because he was grinding a new event in one of his many, many, many games, but what the heck was Cater Diamond doing up at this hour? Had he just gotten back from a party?

PrinceEppa: ya, why r u tho? It’s crazy late lol

C.Dia: lol ikr

C.Dia: i just cant sleep rn >.<

PrinceEppa: how come?

C.Dia: i got into a fight w/my bf again…

Idia sighed at his computer. Right… Cater’d started dating that prettyboy from RSA.

PrinceEppa: 0~0 thats like the third time this month…

C.Dia: ya ik ;-;

Idia fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. He didn’t really know if his heart could take hearing Cater talk about another guy, but the thought of Cater laying around sad and alone made him ache just as bad… But what was he supposed to say in times like these? Idia didn’t know anything about comforting someone about relationships! He barely talked to people in general!

Thankfully, Cater kept going and spared Idia the anguish of trying to figure out what to do next.

C.Dia: are u going to bed rn?

PrinceEppa: no lol ill be up for a while longer.

C.Dia: royalty keeps busy at all hours huh?

Idia tensed at the mention of his lies.

PrinceEppa: something like that. Balancing the princely duties and the princely gamer sessions is tough work 😌

C.Dia: LOL. never change eppa <3

His face grew warm, a bittersweet swelling filling his chest.

C.Dia: can u chat with me a lil longer then?

C.Dia: tell me about ur day or ur games or w/e? I kinda just want a distraction, i dont really wanna be alone rn

C.Dia: if ur not busy anyway >.< it’s oki if you wanna focus on ur gamer mode lololol

Idia paused for a moment, before moving his mouse and closing out of his game. The rest of the event grind could wait.

PrinceEppa: im never too busy for you, cay.

C.Dia: thx <3

Sometimes, even for the prince of otakus, there were more important things than gaming…

But only when those things were really, really, really special.

*

“I heard Cater and that RSA boyfriend of his broke up.” Azul spoke after several minutes of silently moving chess pieces around the board.

Idia frowned. “Don’t try and use that as a distraction from the game just because I’m winning.”

Azul kept his face neutral so as not to betray any bluff he might have. “Perish the thought. I just thought his sweet prince eppa would be interested in such information.”

“SHH!” Idia hissed. “Not so loud! Besides, I-I already know. He told me…”

Azul raised an eyebrow. “He told you, or he told Eppa?”

Idia focused on the chess piece he moved. “Same thing.”

Azul sighed as he took his own piece and contemplated his next move. “Hardly. Honestly, how can you ever expect to move your relationship forward if you don’t unmask yourself? All this bonding will be for nothing if you don’t use it to the full extent!”

Idia rolled his eyes. “I don’t wanna hear it from you of all people. How long have you been saying you’re gonna ask Jamil out?”

It was Azul’s turn to shush Idia, face reddening. “How is that even relevant?!”

Idia grinned. “Cuz you keep going on and on to me about how I should be more confident with Cater, but you won’t even take the plunge with Jamil! Hypocrisy much?”

“I’m simply waiting for the right time. I would be a fool if I didn’t stick with my patient strategy of getting him to warm up to me before striking! Move too early, and I’ll undo all my progress…”

Idia sighed, thinking back to all the hours he’d spent DMing Cater under a fake name. They’d gotten quite close, but as far as Cater knew, Idia was still that vague acquaintance in the back of his classes.

If he messed up by telling him his identity at the wrong moment, or didn’t phrase it right…

“Lost progress… that’s exactly what I’m afraid of…”

*

“Idia!” Cater’s cheerful voice called out as he approached the lecture hall desks. “You’re in person again today; that’s three for three this week!” He spoke with a smile as he slid into the seat next to Idia.

Idia jumped at the sudden appearance of his classmate. “O-oh, uh, yeah…”

“Oh, B-T-W, did you hear that Azul and Jamil were on a date Friday night?” Cater said in a half-whisper, leaning close to Idia’s ear.

“Uhh…” Idia didn’t really know how to answer that. Sure, he knew Azul had some overly complicated date-but-not-a-date plan to get Jamil to hang out with him, and then ask him out for real, but how did Cater hear about…?

“I was hangin’ out with the pop music club on Friday when Ruggie texted Kalim that he was serving their table! Isn’t that just crazy?”

Ah. Kalim and Ruggie. That explained it all.

“I mean, I always wondered if those two had something goin’ on, y’know? Like, they had that ‘will they, wont they, playing hard to get’ kind of vibe. Super cute, if you ask me.”

Idia wasn’t really sure that ‘cute’ was a good way to describe anything those two were involved in, but he simply nodded his head along to Cater’s blathering, as he discreetly pulled his phone out of his pocket and switched to his Prince Eppa magicam account, reading the messages from that morning.

PrinceEppa: howre u feeling?

C.Dia: like total trash lol…..

C.Dia: ik he was a jerk but like i miss him, yknow??

C.Dia: or maybe i just miss having someone there. And its almost valentines day lol. Shit timing amirite?

PrinceEppa: that really does suck… im sorry, cater.

C.Dia: thanks, it’s oki tho. Better to get it overwith lol

C.Dia: i really dont wanna get out of bed or go to class…

PrinceEppa: mood

PrinceEppa: u really should tho. Ik it’s hard but itll feel worse if u stay there all alone

C.Dia: urk. Idk if i have the energy to be around people today

PrinceEppa: tbh i get that… i dont rlly wanna go face people either today…

PrinceEppa: how about we try it together?

C.Dia: i wish u went to my school so we really could go to class together <3

C.Dia: but oki. I'll try, for you :)

PrinceEppa: :)

If Cater really was feeling as bad as he felt, he was pretty good at hiding it with that blinding smile and bubbly laughter.

Sure, Idia’s first instinct would be to immediately enable anyone that wanted to spend the day hiding in bed, but… The thought of Cater lying alone in the dark with his thoughts just made Idia sad.

And, if he did that, Idia wouldn’t get to see him in class today…

“Oooh, do you think Azul and Jamil are gonna go out again on Valentine’s day?”

That depends on what Jamil answered on Azul’s questionnaire, Idia thought to himself. He was sure he’d get a full report from Azul later that day at their next club meeting.

Cater sighed. “Another Valentine’s day, and Cay-Cay’s single yet again!” He smiled, but Idia felt that his eyes weren’t lit as bright as they normally were as he spoke. “But, I’m sure some of the boys at Heartslabyul will be hangin’ around like always. It’s never lonely when you live with friends!” He turned to face Idia again. “What about you, Idia? Any steamy plans for Valentine’s day?”

“U-uh…” Idia started fiddling with his hair. It was now or never. ‘A-Actually, Cater… M-my dorm, Ignihyde, we’re h-hosting a movie night that night… Y’know, ‘cause a lot of us don’t really have plans for Valentine’s day and don’t wanna be sulking alone…” He swallowed a lump in his throat and took a deep breath. “...Y-you can come join, i-if you want…?”

Cater blinked a few times, a look of surprise on his face, before breaking into a smile and giving Idia’s arm a small squeeze of a hug. “OMG, movie night at Ignihyde?! I hear you guys have like, the sickest setup! That sounds great; count me in!”

Idia breathed a sigh of relief as the professor began class.

A few seconds in, his phone quietly vibrated as a single message came through. Idia glanced at it from down in his jacket pocket.

C.Dia: a rlly sweet guy in my class just invited me to hang out w/him and his dormmates on valentines day

C.Dia: u were right about getting out of bed. i think ill be okay today ^.^

***

“Hey, Idia…” Cater put his phone down, magicam abandoned where he’d paused on a video of a turtle swimming around an aquarium. “We’ve gotten a bit closer lately, huh?”

Idia paused the game he had up on his tablet. “H-huh? Oh, uh, y-yeah…”

“So, uh,” Cater played with a strand of his hair. “Do you mind if I talk to you about something a little… personal?”

Idia froze. Abort mission, find an escape route, he was not a high enough level for this kind of topic yet! Maybe Eppa was, but Idia!?

And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to just say no when Cater was looking at him with those soft green eyes.

“S-sure…”

“Thanks! Y’know, you’re really sweet, and like, such a good listener…”

Idia hoped the redness of his face was hidden behind the flames of his hair that flickered in every direction.

“And I’ve just been feeling so… confused lately, about where my heart’s at. My feelings feel like they’re being pulled in so many different directions!”

Idia could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

Cater sighed, laying his head down on the table. “My ex asked me on a date today. He wants me to give him another chance.”

The burning sensation from Idia’s insides made a 180 as he felt his blood go cold. This was the last thing he wanted to hear his normie crush come and tell him without warning…

“And the craziest part? I said I’d think about it.”

Oh god.

“I know that’s like, totally insane after everything that happened, but… I dunno, seeing him around now that he goes to school here just has my head all scrambled!” He picked his head up from the table, opened his phone again, and gave the turtle video a like before standing back up suddenly. “Gosh, sorry, I don’t know why I just came over here and dumped that on you, Idia. I guess I just find you so easy to talk to, I get a little carried away!” He said with a nervous laugh.

Lucky Idia.

“But, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure things out for myself. It’ll be A-okay!” Cater gave an unconvincing thumbs up before turning to leave.

Super lucky.

*

“Azul, today might actually be the worst day of my life.” Idia said as he dragged himself into the clubroom and plopped down in the seat across from Azul in their usual spot.

“...Hm? Oh, hello, Idia.” Azul looked up from his phone. “I believe you said the same thing when you came in here to lament about Cater getting together with his… boyfriend, a while back.” Azul seemed tense at the very concept of Danarte. He hadn’t exactly been a fan of the guy since he transferred to not just NRC, but into Scarabia specifically, where he’d made a point to hover around Kalim and Jamil as much as possible.

“I mean, it’s basically the same level of despair. Cater just told me Danarte not only asked him out, but that he’s considering it!” Idia dropped his head facedown onto the table in sorrow. “Like, how could I lose to the same guy twice!? Ugh, honestly, there’s no one as pathetic as me. I am having the WORST time, and NO ONE could possibly understand the agony I’m in right now!”

Azul chuckled, his tone solemn and hollow. “I’ll do you one better. Jamil broke up with me today.”

Wait, what?

Idia’s head shot up as he squinted at Azul, who was gazing sadly at his phone again. “Huh!? Wh- Huh!? What happened?”

Azul sighed. “We had another fight- and I mean, you know how we are. We have our differences, our disagreements, and the two of us can be a bit… stubborn at times. But we always figure it out! We were doing so well… At least, I thought we were.” Azul rested his chin in his hands. “But I suppose Jamil didn’t feel that way. He said he’d had enough of the relationship. Enough of me.”

Azul bowed his head to stare down at the table.

Idia wondered if he was trying not to cry. He looked out the window, both out of respect, and also because it felt kind of awkward to stare at his friend who was clearly just barely holding it together after getting dumped.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, when it was clear neither of them wanted to discuss their woes anymore, Idia spoke. “Uh, wanna play the VR headset boardgames today? Now’s kinda the perfect time to… Escape reality, right?”

Azul lifted his gaze to Idia. “...You just want to make me use the virtual dice again because you know I can’t use my perfected dice strategy on them, don’t you?” He straightened his posture, standing up to get the headsets. “I’ll have you know I won’t let your silly game of virtual chance best me today!”

Oh thank god that worked. Idia didn’t think either of them could handle any more emotions for the day, so he stood up and followed Azul with a grin. “Hehe, we’ll see about that, Azul.”

#cereal writes #ocs #oc: dañarte #kind of. he’s not here but he’s involved #uhhh I’m not putting my mess in the main tags #ur allowed to rb or whatever I just dhfbgbgbg I can’t put this in the tags #it’s by will of god if u see it. or if you happen to be looking on my blog for things I guess LOL #I wrote these bits spaced out over time too #each chunk was as I had a later idea and it was in order as I went #but Idr how far apart they were #last time was apparently sept last year #anyway the point was cater and idia could be a lil more real with each other online #cater a bit more open about his melancholy #and idia more encouraging and then #pushing himself to be in person more both motivated by cay to see him #and bc their convos make him wanna be better or whatever idk #sorry the jamiazu bits may not make sense if you haven’t done the prerequisite reading LOL it’s not a big deal tho

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

#Anonymous #ask #jdb faq #ask to tag #long post

[drinstadiscourse]

happy birthday drinstadiscourse!

this is a post scheduled to be posted on september 1st 2020, i have no idea if this blog will be completely dead by then or if ill decide to come back to make fun of dumb instacourse shit once more

in the beginning i hoped this blog would get at least slightly popular, just so i could share how ridiculous some of these posts are with people on here, but i never imagined it getting anywhere even remotely close to 5k.

this blog has been hellish to run at times, with instacoursers attempting to mass report me, weird anons causing a chain reaction in my inbox, and the situation that caused the discord server to close, and other shit im forgetting.. but it was still fun interacting with you all, and laughing at whatever dumb hot take was posted that day.

i feel like i cant emphasize enough that even though running this blog has been hellish at times, it was still fun! even if some of the sagas were... unpleasant at times, i had a lot of fun answering the majority of those asks, i wouldnt have kept going if i wasnt.

at the time of writing this the blogs updates have slowed to a crawl, with the past few months being very barren compared to the first couple months of the blogs existence. this is because my mental health has been a little all over the place, but i hope that i can eventually come back and post more funny out of context posts for you all, if youre still here.

i dont really know what the point of this post is, but even if this blog is dead by the time i post this, i hope it was fun for you all while it lasted, i guess!

#mod post #edit: i forgot this post was in the queue lol #i dont plan on the blog staying dead; im just busy atm

[t4tdykes]

response to the warning post under the cut.

EDIT [11:19 PM 12/10/21] i'm not planning to discuss this with anyone who isn't involved, as both myself and the creators of the document agree that that was never the point of making it. the point is one i fully recognize, and i have been spending the last few hours talking to the person who created the blog and the post (as well as some others), and i was given this to put up as some proof that it IS being resolved as we speak.

[ID: a discord screencap that reads: "im purple the only mod of the shantymanwarning blog and the situation with ron has been largely resolved and while forgiveness is still a bit far for a lot of the people involved we all recognize he plans to take accountability and continue improving behavior in the future" /end ID]

i am still posting the apology that i had issued to all of them all a while ago for full transparency, and so it can be linked in their document. no one wanted this to blow up in the first place, and so i think we would all appreciate being able to collectively move forward and leave as much of this behind us as we can.

one apology i am adding above the rest now that i have been made aware is directed at those who have had testimonies to share through asks and tags. i don't know who all of you are (i have no intention of snooping) but i am sure that what you've shared is legitimate and i'm sorry for whatever aspect of my behavior has caused you harm. hopefully the rest of this post can at least give some peace of mind to those of you who still deserve some.

here goes nothing.

--------

TL;DR - i am genuinely about to take responsibility for most of the things in that document, as i am fully aware that i’ve been people i’m not proud of. any contesting i present is generally going to be just correcting facts (like my eye color) and pointing out that specifically one of the accounts given is verifiably lacking some important context and truth.

in no way is my explanation of those things to detract from the responsibility i am taking for the rest, or trying to distract from the discussion, nor does it take away from my apology. if any response to a particular topic feels incomplete or like i missed something, it is accidental, and i’m more than willing to address anything i missed if you just bring it up to me. i’m trying to touch on everything.

as another disclaimer, i’m probably not going to be very articulate right now, but i’m going to try my best. i’m sure i’ll be confronted about this again in the future and i’ll have sat on it enough to word myself more cleanly but i want to make a few things clear as i go. i understand how it looks that the clarifications are one of the first things to be said in this post, and i just want to point out that that’s solely because i tackled this chronologically while i was reading.

--------

i can and will absolutely confirm that all this time ago, no, i wasn’t a particularly stable and healthy person and while i don’t remember a good chunk of the specific things i might’ve said and done, i know i’m not proud of it and that i owe people apologies beyond what i can verbalize.

i do have to clarify that the testimony given about blue’s departure from the server is not entirely honest. i don’t believe this is an intentional act of malice, but rather a result of honest misremembering and stress. either way, i’m just going to clarify so it’s out there, but i’ve since spoken with one of you guys and smoothed this part out on my end.

if you want to ask someone for that information, feel free to message @/irradiatedsnakes or @/ofdreamsanddoodles. it’d be understandable not to believe me, but hopefully the integrity of others can stand.

i’m going to include the message that ren sent them to kick them out of the server, which clearly states that it was on behalf of two heavily uncomfortable people of color within the server who aren’t even me.

[ID: a discord screencap that reads: “alright so. i want to preface this by saying that this is not a warning, and it is not up for debate. at the same time, none of this is intended to attack you, call you a terrible person, or anything else of that nature. our highest priority is member safety. i also apologize for being fairly stiff -- i'm currently co-con with an alter who generally takes over when things require this level of frankness and clarity. 

 after having been approached by those impacted the mods of the gaybeehood have all talked and elected to remove you from the server. i'm sorry to do this so abruptly, but in the mind of the mods there's not any reason to wait. all of us would like this addressed sooner rather than later, for your own benefit as much as ours.

the reason for this comes back to the public discussion of snuff films as a special interest, and the conversation you and [pink square] had about it. [pink square]'s experience as a black person heavily informs how the subject triggers them, and when they approached you about that, they felt dismissed and like their own traumas were being disregarded -- they explicitly stated that tagging does not actually change the fact that someone in their circle takes interest in something so deeply connected to violent antiblackness, and among the mods, [red square] felt similarly when it comes to anti-indigenous racism. they shouldn't have to use their traumas to justify their discomfort, but regardless being dismissive of that is deeply inappropriate.

https://vampirecrabs.tumblr.com/post/649743953685528576/milfgerrykeay-the-what-elaborate-i-thought-youd this post is also a part of the issue. it's racially charged for one thing, and for another, talking so openly and casually about child death. two asian children being taken advantage of and killed is not a quirky story to post publicly.

at the end of the day, the biggest problem here is insensitivity to our members of color and other members who have survived traumas connected to the fetishization and commodification of violence. i understand that because of your own traumas it may be something done in effort to cope with things, but you are not the only one who has survived things that relate, and those people feel unsafe after this. because the safety of our members is important and because of how much this triggered people, we elected to take immediate action.” /end ID]

this is the actual reason that they were removed, not because i randomly decided i didn’t like them anymore and wanted to make fun of them. i actively didn’t think i was the right person to handle it, because i admittedly didn’t really know what to say and i wanted to actively avoid the risk of falling into old patterns that are outlined later on in the document, and in this post.

this much, however, is a neutral statement: blue’s testimony is lacking information that came up afterwards. this is not their fault! they couldn’t have known before they left (though there is a whole post about that, too, and we know they read it because they approached someone about it to share their own story with him. i’m still going to give some level of benefit of the doubt and just explain it here.) 

the age gap RP thing in particular has been already brought up as having been something i was abused and gaslit into and through. i have a bunch of evidence of conversations with seraf that expressed Why i never was okay with that, trying to make it Not happen, and the way i was steamrolled by him. some of it even happened in public and others can also verify that.

the other person who pointed it out was not wrong! i’ve struggled with thinking of a way to apologize to THEM for ages. the things seraf did were abhorrent and i am not the only person who saw it happen, or who suffered it, including blue. seraf actively preyed upon my abuse history and recreated a situation i spent three years dying in, so i’m not going to "admit” to that situation being my idea or my preference or some kind of secret vice when i was in agony the entire time and i am still not okay after everything he put me through.

what i will admit to fully is the weakness of still engaging with him. i’ll admit to rolling over and compromising my principles. by trying to protect him, i was putting forth beliefs i do not hold and never did, but that no one could know that when all they see is my defense of someone i thought was my friend. the foot i put forward was a bad one, and my desperation to remain in HIS good graces doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, i still let it happen.

though to be clear, no inappropriate content took place that could even be remotely described as pedophilia. i DO have every single receipt from that entire time, as well. he even knew i was dubious about RP in general (because i’d quit after all the other stuff in here) and curated that experience to be just as traumatizing as things that happened to me when i was a teenager myself.

but blue could not have known what conversations took place after their departure from the server, so, again. this is just me stating what happened, not saying that part was intentionally left out. i just want you guys to know that, and that you can ask about it if you need to, as well.

--------

so, while this specific event did not go the way that the other ones cited in this document did, those WERE very honest and i am going to confirm them. and the clarifications about blue’s account still involve an apology! it’s not “all lies,” it was just omitting some things that should be said. there are still things here i owe them a serious apology for and i am doing so now.

with the girlfriend bit: i’m sorry. the way the story was presented, it looked like you were feeling miserable and betrayed and wanted out. i responded according to the information i was given, as did everyone else who was part of that, and i’m glad that you two worked it out. i am aware of my propensity to cut things off and disappear, and that’s not something i should advise others to do. i’m sorry for falling back on that when i should have just stayed quiet when i didn’t know what else to say to you.

i also don’t remember the flying you out to new york comment either but i’m pretty sure it was one of those “just what you say” things that all of us were resorting to after being made to feel helpless and even complicit, too. i was not serious about that, i was literally just lost on things to offer you as comfort when you were not taking a single person’s advice. you were never obligated to, but what else could anyone say? so actually, in this vein, i’m sorry for “just saying” that.

the “cult following” thing is. also a lot. considering i do not even remotely go into anything with that intention. i would be far more content to stay in my private corner of things and not engage with the majority of people, and in that space i’ve done a Lot of work on myself that pretty much anyone who’s been there through it all can verify. i don’t consciously take advantage of people who want my approval, it scares me SHITLESS when that seems to be the case. 

but i will say that seeing it laid out like this gives some perspective that i had clearly not considered, and i won’t diminish the impact it must have had to lead up to this. i am going to better examine how i conduct myself in groups based on this, because it’s the last thing i want.

you guys don’t have to know how much i have changed over the course of all this time or where i started in order to make the comparison, i won’t sit here and tell you all of that in detail, because it doesn’t matter. what is evident is that i still have a long way to go. whether the kicking of blue from the server is being honestly relayed or not, THIS has credence and i’m going to address it. 

i’m very intimately aware with the things i’ve done wrong, and like we have all said, intentions don’t matter when the result hurts. but if you’re approaching this as you said, with the sole intention of bringing this to an end, then i am going to say thank you for at least stating that you don’t think i did this with intent to cause harm and i hope that you believe me now.

--------

but now to the other stuff.

i will take full responsibility for the things that happened 3-4 years ago because i do not know, like, or respect my past self enough to pretend that i didn’t hurt people, whether intentionally or otherwise. 

i’ll say it as many times as i have to, to be sure that it’s clear where i stand and that i’m not fighting with you. you have made sincere claims, and i am confirming the ones that i can, apologizing for them, and vowing from the bottom of my heart that the guy in these stories is not here anymore. not in this way.

okay just got to green’s. hi. yeah no that relationship was the worst mistake i’ve ever made in my life and to this day i’m sick about it. i’m not even going to defend myself there because it genuinely keeps me up at night and i refuse to justify it, we all made a lot of excuses to act like it was okay but it really wasn’t comfortable for anyone (including me!) it was most of us being stuck deep in borderline hell where we attached to validation we got from each other and that’s no excuse on my part as the older party.

i had my own experiences dating with that age gap (where i was the younger) that weren’t terrible compared to even smaller ones where i WAS hurt by the older party, and i think i just had the idea that i wasn’t like them and i meant well. this is obviously flawed logic and it does not matter at the end of the day, because we were in different stages of life and i did the wrong thing by allowing it to continue. 

that is something i would give anything to undo, and i know i can’t, so i’ve just moved on and let those people move on far away from me because it is no one’s job to oversee someone else’s growth after they’ve done them wrong. i make every apology for that that i can. 

also, looking at these screencaps of things i said, yeah! i won’t pretend i didn’t used to talk like that, and it disgusts me to see, too. i’m not gonna say i have not been toxic before, that i have not talked behind people’s backs before, and that i have not made poor judgment calls when it comes to the standards i’ve held people to. these are all things that have been wrong with my behavior before and i have been actively working on in places that the people who made this document haven’t been able to see, so they couldn’t be expected to know. that doesn’t mean i’ve perfected it, either, it just means i’m aware and i’ve been trying and there are people who can corroborate that.

the bakugou edit: yeah no that was fucked up 100% on my part and i was not yet educated enough on things that i should have been. this was three years ago, and it is not at all reflective of my views and behavior now. i own up to these things, i regret these things, i DID make that mistake of an edit and i never have again because i learned from it. i can see now as well that the way i handled it was poor, the one message to green about the passive aggressive re-editing doesn’t contain a mention of the colorism involved because i don’t think i had been conscious enough of it at the time to see anything but what felt like a personal dig that was unrelated to my ignorance. i see now and i don’t think i can even voice exactly how sorry i am for that, how disgusted i am with myself, and how you have every right to be pissed off for that despite how long ago it was. all i can do is swear that it’s something that was left back there.

[the blonde haired blue-eyed thing has been corrected and removed, which i appreciate. i won’t linger on that except to say that my home life is not accessible to you guys and there’s no real way to know what my connections even are.]

i don’t remember Playing Underlings Against Each Other considering i don’t fucking want underlings but if that’s what it amounted to, then i’m actively sorry for making you feel like i wanted that from you. not “i’m sorry YOU felt that way,” but “i’m sorry i made you feel that way.” i am not blaming you for this feeling, i am saying that even though i didn’t intend for it, clearly this must have been the result, and only i can take ownership of that. i’m sorry.

--------

next one.

“which made it much easier for him to whittle away at all of my friendships and isolate me enough to where I began to really rely on him. Was this intentional? Maybe not, but his intent doesn't really matter when his actions cause this much harm.” 

you are right, this was not even remotely within the realm of my intentions and you’re also still right that my intentions don’t matter. i didn’t know near enough about your personal life outside of the internet to even be aware this kind of impact could have taken place, but nonetheless, i recognize the damage now that i am aware of it and am truly sorry. you were too young to be made to feel this way. it shouldn’t have ever happened, and i never should have spoken about you the way i did.

“Ron doesn't seem to know how to set healthy boundaries in most of his relationships, much less so when it comes to those significantly younger than him”

this was true of me at this time, yes! i never learned healthy boundaries from my parents in ways i’m not going to detail here, but it does mean i’ve had to make a lot of mistakes to learn where to place things and when to pull back. i genuinely make efforts to put up barriers between myself and younger people these days, and cut off conversations before there’s a chance to expect friendship. i’ll answer a question or two when approached, but i don’t ask about personal lives or give harsh advice or carry on private conversations. i tell people to their faces that i am not comfortable talking past a particular professional threshold and that’ll be the end of it there. blue is the most recent person i’ve spoken to out of all of you and wouldn’t have seen that yet, either, as i doubled down on it even more after their departure and largely because of it.

all in all, i know you guys can’t have any way of knowing it, but i do often ruminate on “the bnha days” as an incredibly dark time where i was not the person i want to be, i did and said things i’m not proud of if i can even remember them. and that’s not an excuse, i know you’re all aware that i have genuine amnesia and it does make it harder to actually recall stories like this. but because of that amnesia, i will never say these things just never happened. these things clearly happened, and i’m ashamed of it to this day. you don’t have to believe me, but it’s very true.

--------

on pink’s now, and i honest to g-d only vaguely remember this situation. what i can take full ownership of without question was my reckless oversharing and how that must have warped the environment. it was unacceptable, full stop. i don’t Do that anymore, if it’s any consolation whatsoever. i never meant for it to result in this kind of a feeling towards me, i don’t know what i meant, i just. was not well, and was not behaving well. that is on me, i should have done better, and that’s what i’m trying to do now. any sharing that’s done in the current server is something everyone does, it’s always in spoiler marks, and everyone has a personal channel that can be muted and avoided by whoever decides they don’t want to engage. another thing that’s gotten even more strict since blue left and can be backed up.

as for the insistence on purple’s status as all of That, i seriously do not remember near enough about it but i am pretty sure that after it was all over we did look back on this and go, “yikes.” at ourselves. the things we found had been alarming but we had been the ones lacking context and compassion, so for that accusation, i’m just as sorry. approaching anyone to give those apologies felt unwise at the time, and i don’t have the audacity to even hope you’ll accept it now. i just have to say it regardless. we were wrong.

the HARASSMENT i can say i had NO direct part in, i don’t encourage people to Go After others in that way and i’m incredibly sorry that anyone has done that under my name. it was not under my instruction. i genuinely have not ever sent someone on a witch hunt like that, i swear. any celebration of bullying in here is. truly filthy behavior that i’ve very much left behind. 

also, the other server blue mentioned that made fun of pansexuals and asexuals was largely driven by a need to impress seraf, which led to another count of betraying not only my own beliefs but my own history as someone who’s on the aroace spectrum, too. still can’t blame him fully for it, obviously, but i was molding myself to him in particular and it led to me doing shit i will vocally denounce to your faces. the people who were in there pretty quickly had a discussion about the sorts of people we became in his presence and what we no longer wanted to partake in, and it’s since become entirely inactive.

--------

hi, orange. once again, ownership fully taken for that relationship that never should have taken place. your discomfort makes all the sense in the world and i’m sorry for putting you through that, and everything afterwards.

the voice calls were originally because people wanted to hear stories and so i really thought it was like. fine. but yeah, looking back? toxic! harping on old drama is never healthy and i was not in a place where i could distance myself from that maladaptive behavior. i haven’t done voice calls like that since, and generally sit out now when others start one.

also i sincerely do not remember chucking the r slur much less defending my usage of it but i’m not gonna pretend i just didn’t, that’s vile and you have every right to be pissed about it. no joke seeing that put a pit in my stomach and i can’t believe myself, but i believe you. and the way i cut people out was horrendous and it was not excusable. i can see how it would scare someone into trying to keep my approval, even if i wasn’t aiming for that.

as for our relationship. i don’t. remember it being this driven by me but looking back, it uh. yeah, wow. i genuinely was not perceiving any of it this way, or as this unbalanced, or myself as pulling strings like this or Deciding things for anyone, but if that is how you all felt about it, then it must have really been this way, and it’s disgusting. seeing it framed this way is sickening because it’s just. appalling to think i could have managed all of this horrible damage without even realizing it. that does nothing to absolve me and that’s not what i’m looking for when i say that i didn’t realize, i just. really didn’t, and it does make it worse imo.

i DO remember the breakneck speed and how fucked up that was, and it’s just another piece of a massive period in my life that i could not regret more if i tried to. it was unhealthy, it was concerning, it was wrong, and i was letting a lot of my instability guide me in ways that are my fault, and i’m truly sorry.

and the breakup, as well, was. actually the real scummiest way i’ve ever treated someone, yep. i don’t remember the video call but i don’t doubt it. i had been overcome with a discomfort i couldn’t explain and i didn’t know how to express it in a healthy way, and i treated you abyssmally. as for the money, i Seriously Forgot about that agreement at the start i cannot express to you how much i literally did not remember that and i’m glad you reminded me when you did. i know i paid you back already but i’ll happily extend more your way if you need it, i’m not kidding. if there’s even just a material way i can make that up to you then i will do it with zero hesitation.

also the execution joke was also inexcusable even if i didn’t mean for it to be sincere because yeah obviously the way i was behaving and how you were feeling was bound to make that joke become far too real and i am sorry for that. i don’t want to repeat the words “genuine” and “sincere” too much but i lack other words to capture exactly how much i mean it when i say that, and when i say i’m sorry for everything. nothing that happened between us was okay on my part and you deserved better from me, without a doubt. i hurt you, and that’s on me.

g-d those screenshots. yeah, even without remembering the specifics i’m not going to deny a word that was said here, it’s all ugly. the things i shared and said there are as horrible as they look and no amount of context changes that. i don’t Do This anymore, this person i was is a metric for who Not to be. orange, i know you don’t see any of that because blue is your most recent account but just. the person in these things is someone i hate just as much as the rest of you do.

jesus the wedding planning shit jhbkn yeah i have no fucking idea what i was thinking. i make an active point to just not DO that, i’ve not done that in a single relationship since, and i bring all of this up early in new relationships specifically to state who i am and who i was and what i do not want to let happen ever again. my current partner can attest to that and i have screenshots, as well. 

i didn’t forget about this as a whole event even if these details aren’t as clear anymore. i am upfront about it and i want to give people the chance to walk away from me without judgment. i don’t try to erase this part of my history. i’m ashamed of it, and i have grown away from it in ways you guys have no way of seeing and that’s not your fault, i’m just saying that it’s true. this was three years ago. that doesn’t mean it’s not important, it just means there are things you don’t know and couldn’t be expected to know.

if what you fear is me repeating history, i want to ease that in any way i can, with as much proof as i can get you.

--------

white, i remember you. that very dark fight scene does still haunt me and you’re right that i should have just called it off far sooner instead of letting it continue, only to then cite it later as something only you did to be upsetting. i was the adult, i was responsible for cutting it off, and i should have done so instead of continuing because i knew you were looking to vent. this was a moment of trying to help that became twisted beyond recognition and it falls on me, absolutely.

let me state very clearly now: you are of course not a pedophile, and i never should have let my own panic about a situation that startled me escalate into anyone using that word to describe you. you were a teenager and your sense of humor was your own thing to cultivate over time. i am pretty sure (?) i was going off of someone from that server telling me that it made them upset and uncomfortable, and in my mind i must have thought i was protecting them, but by saddling you with that label i was not helping anyone. this part is hazy to me, too, but i will take ownership of this. i’m incredibly, deeply sorry.

and on a more private note, too, i’m sorry for how i treated your writing in general. i had no business being so callous and talking behind your back like that. you deserved encouragement, and i can only hope you’ve continued to write and grow and enjoy yourself without my judgment.

--------

and that’s the end. okay.

there are other people who both knew me at this time and did not know me at this time who can cite the active growth i have been striving for and it’s not your obligation to forgive me, or any of that, but just. 

be aware that i take you seriously, i am not making excuses, and i have not repeated this behavior. 

in the case of blue’s account, seriously, it’s 100% possible to not know the whole truth about the seraf thing because they were removed from the server before him, and a lot of the entire server’s reflections of him came after the freedom of his absence. i didn’t even realize how badly he had been hurting me until he was gone. that’s still not me trying to shirk blame, that’s just a fact that can be read and remembered by people who are not even involved in this.

regardless of seraf’s influence on me in terms of RP and how hard i fought him about that, and regardless of how blue left the server, other things that happened were clearly hurtful and were not intended at all, either. i genuinely wanted to help you, i didn’t want anyone to worship or depend on me, its always scared the crap out of me any time someone did, and it made me feel like i had some kind of responsibility that i couldn’t uphold from my position not only as a person on the internet but as an adult with limited information. i never should have tried to do it anyway, and should have just kept a distance. this is distance i keep now as a rule. it shouldn’t have taken this long to instate that, but please know it’s instated.

whether i felt pressure doesn’t matter or end the conversation because you (all of you) felt pressure, too, and for that, i’m apologizing to you all sincerely.

--------

to more accurately explain where i stand these days: i keep to myself and my singular server now, most of my days are filled with irl errands and doctor’s visits, and i aim to write my one fic to completion before just fading off in general. this site has been a terrible place for me since i got on it Way too long ago, and it has only really resulted in pain, chaos, paranoia, and experiences that i can neither escape from nor take back when it comes down to having hurt other people, too. i don’t enjoy talking to people on here, i actively avoid kids, i don’t Pursue people younger than me (my current partner is older), i arrange stricter boundaries in my server (that, again, you wouldn’t know because they went up after blue’s departure), and i will never pretend that i was never a toxic person who did things i shouldn’t have. i wasn’t aware of the gravity in a few places, and so i am thankful for seeing it laid out in a way that i can both understand and address going forward.

i’ve been operating under that whole saying of, like. “go become a better person far away from me.” that’s what i’ve been trying to do, and will keep trying to do.

thank you, also, for removing the “blonde haired blue eyed” thing because it is an actual misremembering. i’d like to take honest ownership of my own mistakes regarding that subject as myself.

so. again, thank you for giving me an opportunity to better see what my lingering faults are, and the harm i’ve caused. i hope that nothing i’ve said in this response here is out of turn in the sense that it looks like i’m trying to dodge something, because i really am not. this is my honest attempt at claiming my past self and putting him in the ground, and acknowledging all of the pain that you have been put through because of me. 

i’m more than happy to give you all any apologies and evidence you have deserved from the start, and i only hope that you do whatever you need to do in order to heal and keep yourselves safe in the now.

#a.txt #shantymanwarning