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#it is a comfort series but not really one i choose to be Intellectual about
lord-radish · 8 months
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I've had some thoughts about the Mandela Effect for a while now.
Like I get that it's just a fun internet phenomenon that shines a light on a sort of "benign" form of mass hysteria, where an error enters the public lexicon and a large swath of people believe the error to the point where the eventual truth is disconcerting and jarring. Theoretically, that's cool. Awesome observation, fun little trend to point out those little idiosyncrasies. It's also an interesting comment on ignorance, because a handful of people were just straight-up misinformed about the life and death of Nelson Mandela and they blew that up into this big thing.
However, regardless of anyone's best intentions, the Mandela Effect is also a way to excuse ignorance and turn both it and misinformation into an argument of belief. I strongly believe that the Mandela Effect is an anti-intellectual standpoint - it's possible to engage with the concept as just a thought experiment, but there is a point where it begins to have more widespread ramifications.
There are people who take the Mandela Effect, a thought experiment about colliding timelines and alternate realities, literally - to the point where they do believe in a series of colliding timelines as a legitimate explanation for things they believe that don't line up with reality. When offered two choices - an outlandish thought experiment involving an infinite number of divergent timelines infinitely merging and leaving people with foreign memories of a reality that now ceases to exist, and the simple concept that they might have innocently been wrong about something - people choose to give the thought experiment equal weight to the thought that they might have been misinformed.
This is useful for people who want to disseminate false information and argue in bad faith. It gives people the choice between a comfortable lie and an uncomfortable truth. It lets people talk their way out of being wrong - I wasn't ignorant to the fact that Nelson Mandela was the president of South Africa for decades, I'm simply one of a chosen handful of people who hail from a timeline where he died in prison.
I had a friend who became fascinated by flat earthers and began to argue their viewpoint in earnest. According to my friend, it's not that the earth is really flat, you see; it's just that exploring the possibility is a worthwhile endeavour for scientists to do so they can conclusively rule it out, and it could help alleviate the anti-science bias that many flat earthers share due to being pushed out of academic spaces and the associated shame of being belittled by their supposed peers.
That was the start of his fascination with UFOs, pseudoscience, and eventually far-right figureheads like Ben Shapiro. Is there a connection? I don't know - dude probably trended more towards conservativism in the first place. But when he began entertaining ignorance on the same level as fact, he just sort of... kept going.
The next step after flat earth conspiracies was the Mandela Effect.
I'm bringing this up because one day, we were talking and the Mandela Effect came up. And he said that actually, it isn't the Mandela Effect - it never was. It's the Mandala Effect.
It fits the concept pretty well - according to Wikipedia, "A mandala generally represents the spiritual journey, starting from outside to the inner core, through layers". Layers of reality, folding in on themselves in an infinite journey. It's not the Mandela Effect any more, where a group of people were independently ignorant of a major facet of world news in an airport lounge. It's the Mandala Effect - a map of the deities and a spiritual journey hailing from Eastern mythology.
And like the Mandela Effect is wont to do, I had this awful sense of dissonance, like my brainmeat was being pulled two ways at once. But rather than it being because of a long-standing misconception that had just been corrected, ala the Berenstain Bears, it was because it was never the Mandala Effect. It was a popular internet trend that stemmed from people being misinformed about Nelson Mandela. This was a new origin for the thought experiment, a blatant lie that's congruent with the internal logic of the thing it's trying to supplant, being presented as the truth.
The attempt to fold the Mandela Effect in on itself and change the nature of its origin, presentation and message was a blatant attempt to rewrite its own history. It was exploiting this new little shortcut to tell people a blatantly false statement, but because of how close Mandela and Mandala are as words and because the Mandela Effect is all about how those similarities and resulting misconceptions are due to shifts in reality, someone had managed to convince people like my friend that the Mandala Effect was just as valid of a choice as the Mandela Effect.
This bullshit new way to address the thought experiment was - to my friend - just as valid as its actual origin in that fucking airport lounge. And my friend insisted on calling it the Mandala Effect to continue the thought experiment, insisting that it was the true name of the phenomenon from that point on, and he kept taking it further and further even after everyone started getting sick of it. Like with the flat earth stuff, a degree of it was him being a contrarian. But he kept insisting on it.
That's always going to stick with me. People get defensive about the Mandela Effect, how it's just having fun - and if you can keep a healthy sense of boundaries and remain grounded in reality, treating it as the hypothetical thought experiment that it is, that's 100% fine. But I'm adamant that the Mandela Effect, when taken further than that, is an anti-intellectual viewpoint that makes it easier to disseminate false information.
Sometimes you're just wrong about shit, even about stuff you're 120% sure that you know front to back. It's okay to be wrong. Literally everyone is wrong like that at one point or another in their lives. It's humiliating, but a part of being alive is realising that you're wrong, growing from it and correcting yourself. It's okay to be wrong sometimes.
And the Mandela Effect is a fine hypothetical to play around with. I'm not saying it's inherently evil and an irredeemable tool of political radicalisation. I think it can be a tool of political radicalisation, equally platforming a fantastical mistruth against actual, real-world reality and facts - but yeah, people can engage with the concept behind the Mandela Effect as they see fit.
I'm concerned about the potential misuse of the Mandela Effect to spread misinformation and to give people an excuse to be disingenuous and intellectually lazy. I've been thinking about the effect and my own distaste for people platforming ignorance, and this is the conclusion I've come to. That's my gripe.
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miywskin · 1 year
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high school girl:
how to improve in studies and be your best academic version?
(remembering that these are tips and thoughts that I follow, believe and understand as more effective for me and my school performance).
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1. First, understand the importance of your mental, spiritual, and bodily boundaries. Take care, stay in maintenance. Your brain needs, just like your body and soul, to be in good condition, good air, good energy and everything that encompasses the positive. If you feel good, look for ways to leverage what is downgraded in you, look for improvements that will help you in personal matters. The smallest things are necessary. Your comfort with yourself and with the world is extremely important to initiate any planned, effective and correct act.
2. Use and abuse the benefits attributed to you for the study. You have in your hands several forms of learning, know how to choose the one that best fits with your facilities. Several websites, applications, games, movies and series are exposed to your general understanding, ready to be consumed. Like people, who can guide you in your academic progress. Teachers, friends or even family members that you love and, above all, trust, are valid for this. Don't be afraid to question what you don't know.
3. Never refrain from growing. Never assume that what you know is enough, and that it is not necessary to look for new ideals, ways and reasons. We are constantly changing, we change our skin several times, we don't stop modifying and being modified. So don't be presumptuous in believing that there isn't more you can consume, because there is and always will be.
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4. This might sound like bullshit, but it really worked for me. Therefore, I suggest the idea of ​​keeping in your life images, videos or anything that makes you feel intellectually disposed. Whether to read a book, study some subject or new language, anyway. When living with the habit of saving with you materials that instigate your brain to perform the practice that appears there, everything seems to become less tedious and unlikely to happen. Therefore, saving study photos, books, people reading and everything that encompasses the world you are about to enter is extremely valid! Live what you want to live, be what you planned and what you plan.
5. Follow the people who will give you a more noticeable intellectual advance. In other words, refrain from observing and hanging out with anyone who wouldn't add to you or add to something, in this case, academically speaking (but this suggestion can be used in any segment of your life).
6. Find the way that works best for you when it comes to studying for exams. Sometimes, we judge ourselves incapable and devoid of intelligence when we study a lot and don't remember the subject in the necessary time. The cause of this is diverse, I can't say exactly why this event occurs so often, as it may arise due to some neurological difficulty/dysfunction, psychological issues that would need to be taken care of and treated with specialists (and I'm not one). However, the strategy of seeking your way of absorbing information is essential. Try to understand if you work better with audios, repetitions of phrases and summaries, essays, videos. Understand your minimum and maximum learning time, do not exceed your limits. Create a routine that suits you, use the pomodoro method and regulate your schedules in order to correspond to the plans defined for certain exams.
I really hope that these few suggestions I have given are of some use. Remember, you can shape them in whatever way is most fulfilling for you. There is no rule.
Thanks for reading this far and sorry for any spelling mistakes, inaccuracies in context or the like. English is not my native language!
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bingsoo-jung · 10 months
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This or That
I was tagged by @writinglittlebeasts if anyone else wishes to do this, please just do it. I grant you permission to tag me saying I tagged you okay?​
I am also incredibly opinionated and this is about to show.
|| HISTORICAL or FUTURISTIC ||
So while I almost exclusively write historically set fantasy, I’m actually far more of a scifi girlie! I just... struggle to write it. But I tend to enjoy scifi set in the future a bit more and find the tropes easier to understand. I just tend to get caught up in the granularity of writing it and the science of it. This is very likely because I study astrophysics and math.
|| OPENING or CLOSING CHAPTER ||
While I love closing chapters from other people. I’m better at writing openings. What can I say, I’m a ‘make a fucking splash’ person.
|| LIGHT+FLUFFY or DARK+GRITTY ||
I love fluff. I read so much fluff. I, however, write fucked up little dudes in fucked up little worlds. I also think that keeping your eyes to purely hopeful things can limit the stories you want to tell. While the same can be said for dark and gritty, let’s be honest, no anti-colonial story is ever told with a purely light and fluffy setting. The premise of addressing such violence predicates darker themes. And I really enjoy telling colonizers to fucking shove it.
|| ANIMAL COMPANION or FOUND FAMILY ||
While I can intellectually appreciate a good animal companion. I’m going to be so real with you, I don’t care enough about animals for that. I was never into cats or dogs as a kid, never wanted to be an animal. I like being human so much. On top of which, I think found family is so sweet. While I tend to keep more to ‘actual family’ rather than found family in my writing, I like the idea of making your own fate and comfort and friends, and of binding yourself to people out of choice and dedication and blood. So found family all the fucking way.
|| HORROR or ROMANCE ||
I don’t write horror or romance. But I think there is something shocking and beautiful in the macabre of twisted delights as we fall together and apart and back together again. Also most romance is just written so badly that I think I have to choose horror for this.
|| HARD MAGIC SYSTEM or SOFT MAGIC SYSTEM ||
So legally I should say hard for this, since, once more, local science bitch here. But in reality, soft magic systems I think allow for magic to be more of a mechanic of the plot and relationships than something that must be defined for “plot purposes.” As long as a soft magic system maintains its internal logic system I will often prefer it to a hard magic system. I also think a lot of hard magic systems end up being weirdly sexist (@brandonsanderson you mfer.)
|| STANDALONE or SERIES ||
I love love series. But I think people’ve lost sight of what a good standalone can mean. I also think a lot of people are being pushed into writing series because publishers want money more than they want quality.
|| ONE PROJECT AT A TIME or ALWAYS JUGGLING 2+ ||
I used to be always juggling, but I like having one thing to focus on and spiral about. It also means I’m going crazy over one story, but that’s fine.
|| ONE AWARD WINNER or ONE BESTSELLER ||
Bestseller statuses are meaningless. You know what’s not? A Ignyte or Hugo or Nebula. I like having shiny statues that let you know I was very good at a very specific thing.
|| FANTASY OR SCI-FI ||
See this goes back to the original thing. I am a scientist, most of the media I consume by myself is science fiction. While I do play ttrpgs and almost only play them in fantasy settings, and only write fantasy, this is because I can’t convince other people to play science fiction games with me. I almost only watch scifi shows and listen to scifi podcasts. While I tend to read more fantasy this is because of a lack of good modern scifi in my opinion. Science fiction is at it’s best when there is research behind it, when people bother to realise that the universe is near infinite and thus there are near infinite possibilities for different existences out there.
Magic to me, while beautiful, is something of fairy tales and unrealities in a way we use to discuss the past. Fantasy is how we discuss what was and unpack the yesteryears of existence. The past, no matter how we memorialize what was and what we lost, will always have been imperfect. That’s an unfortunate reality. I write Asian fantasy, and even though I celebrate what was good and what was lost, the deal is that was lost, and we can never truly regain it. And for all the things that were beautiful, there were a hundred more things that weren’t. Like while queerness was more acceptable in Siam and Ayutthaya, it wasn’t perfect. There was still sexism and structural homophobia, and no wishing for what was will change that. But the future is what we make of it, and thus science fiction is how we set down the roads to dream of those better and more perfect futures. I want to make a better world and I think we do that through dreaming a better one.
|| CHARACTER DESCRIPTION or SETTING DESCRIPTION ||
I appreciate a good character description, but I think people tend to focus too much on the reality of what someone looks like rather than the impression it leaves. I also just enjoy writing the setting more. I don’t think character description is always necessary. But knowing where you are and the ways in which location fill characters with sensation are just more fun.
|| FIRST DRAFT or FINAL DRAFT ||
I WANT TO BE DONE. I WANT TO BREAK FREE.
|| LOVE TRIANGLE IN EVERYTHING or NO ROMANTIC ARCS ||
Am I currently trying to solve love triangles with polyamory? Yes. Do I think people need to stop acting like romance is the end all be fucking all of stories and existence and that love comes in more forms than romantic overtures? Yes. Draw back on the romance folks. Sometimes a good plot with solid friendships is better than two people kissing. 
|| CONSTANT SANDSTORM or RAINSTORM ||
I hate both of these. But I hate sand more than I hate water. I am a SEAsian from SoCal. I need humidity to live.
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koriand3r · 1 year
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random nonsensical thoughts regarding shiv or tom i wanted to write down before s4 - its all really just long rambling that need not be read (pt 1)
The only headcanon i've really had for succession, is that tom and shiv got together approximately 3 years before the start of the series. It seems like a reasonable amount of time considering shiv's surprise that tom wasn't at the previous years’ recny and they may have not been as serious for the year before that. But more importantly we know that shiv was “a total mess when we hooked up and i needed you so much i was in a very bad way and we've got the business angle that works we're good on that we have a plan” and i’ve just kept thinking on what that situation was like and what could've caused it. I know Jesse and the cast didn't have anything specific in mind when they wrote that, but I really do think it could have been from the fallout of kendall’s whole rehab incident. (Also three years ago is when she started working for joyce but i'll get to that later)
I just think about the combination of emotions she must have had at that time... Her older brother having serious dangerous drug issues brought up VERY publicly, but also her relationship with Kendall being VERY complex. She loves him, She hates him, She's better than him, She wants to be him. cue parkinglotbird's shiv brutus edit + "You lack killer instinct, you're wet, you're green, you're intellectually insecure, you're not emotionally strong enough, you have addiction issues" She has this all on her tongue and probably more at the ready only hours after Logan first pulled the rug out from under ken. She KNOWS she'd be better. You can kinda see it in her talk with logan in 2.01 the resentment of logan and telling him its better to sell her shares than have it be kendall again. Its never her. Its always Kendall. kendall kendall kendall why is logan still always choosing kendall? I bet you this reached peak clarity three years ago where I think shiv honestly thought she was it. Kendall is seemingly out of the picture: he's failed as the chosen one and is in rehab, Roman's screwing around in LA soon to quit, Connor is connor. Who. Else. Shiv is most like Logan. Shiv is a killer. Shiv's made it on her own she's made a name for herself apart from Waystar. She chose the party opposite to the one that her father has his claws in. She left on her own, gathered experience and connections and knowledge that Logan was lacking and is ready to finally be The One. But she is the prodigal son rejected. cue tomwambsgirl's post "shiv the only daughter who is functionally a prodigal son and the best heir but she’s a woman so this is worthless." Logan played her then or just ignored her "Yes. Yes OF COURSE I WOULD BE INTERESTED. If Its Real... Why did you never ask me huh? I would KILL it. I would fucking destroy it"
I think this was the "total mess" downpoint in Shiv's life and where Tom comes in. And I really think that "the plan" is truly the root/foundation of their relationship from the beginning. I don't mean that shiv instantly cooked up a plan for tom to be her minion on the inside. Tom's safe, he's goofy and sweet and makes her laugh, he's a bit of a sycophant, a bit of a snake, but she understands that thirst and ambition and she's comfortable with that and she can use that. but she really does love him. but love isn't a firm enough basis for a relationship. not to her. her parents, her older brothers all failed their relationships, they let it get all messy but they didn't have what we have. we have the plan.
"The plan" is never laid out in full detail. We only get bits and pieces. To me the plan has two faces. Unstructured, simple, and lofty enough to be unobtainable. The plan is Let's Rule The World Together. I'll Control This Half And You Get The Other. But its also something that they mold again and again strategizing in little steps evolving with the variables. I like to think that the plan could've started out as an inside joke or as something as simple as Lets Get You Out Of Here And Evade The Paparazzi and then the plan transmutates daily to Today At The Party We Talk To Logan To Get You In Charge Of Parks. I think the shape of the original plan they made together was shiv to take the job with Joyce, make her president, gain that control over waystar in the face of logan's rejection of her. Shiv you don't need to be in the company screw logan screw ken lets get tom in the company he can work his way up. We'll have both the white house AND waystar. that's the plan.
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*Throws all of the 50 Qs into your ask box and twirls away*
50 Q’s For The Mun
1.) describe yourself through the eyes of a stranger? The perpetual foreigner. Or, if they do happen to be from another country, a like-minded friend. (People say I have an accent .  .  . Spoiler, I don’t think I do.) People have said that I look interesting, am quiet, awkward, scary, and that i know a lot. 2.) what is a quality you’d like to change about yourself? I feel like I’m very flighty and have a hard time following through with what I say- if I can at all. I’d like to change that someday. 3.) what is your worst potential fear for the future? I think .  .  . That I’ll be caught between mildly depressing comfort and the chance to actually grasp everything I want in life for a little risk and I’ll make the wrong choice. 4.) which television series do you use as a form of escapism? I use YouTube for that primarily. Um .  .  . Maybe The Addam’s Family. 5.) share a secret about yourself? I think in some ways, I actually live a double-life. So that’s a thing. 6.) if you could choose any place in the world to visit, where would it be? why? Oh, I’d like to go to Germany someday and visit some of the sites associated with Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. He was an interesting person. 7.) what advice would you give your childhood self? Um .  .  . honestly? Be more of a jerk. It more has to do with having a hard time setting boundaries and saying no to things. Or calling people out when they’re acting inappropriately. Not great life advice though? 8.) describe how you envision your ideal life partner? I suppose someone I can connect with on an intellectual and emotional level. Someone understanding and compassionate enough to help me pull through my own problems and a team player when we have joint problems we need to solve in life. 9.) what is your favorite environmental season? why? I like when it snows in winter, but otherwise probably fall xD I do not love being out in the super freezing temperatures with no snow. 10.) what’s one book you’d suggest every person should read? Mathematics for the Million - Lancelot Hogben (That’s the one that talks about how when America reached the trillion dollar debt, that if you lined it all up in twenty dollar bills, it’d basically stretch for sixty miles .  .  . Honesty there’s a lot of books on this list. It’s not just one.) 11.) what is one song that’s able to bring you to tears? 1,000 Light Years Away - Slime Rancher 12.) describe your best friend? Kind, compassionate, smart, doing no harm but taking no shit from people, and just... incredibly driven, even in hard times. 13.) what was the premise of your last dream? Well .  .  . I was at my old job, and for some reason we were running pads (for furniture), but for some reason, instead of pads it was coming out as pants and shirts, long and wide ways. And who do I see but an old coworker / friend? So he was stacking, and it’s supposed to be twenty-one to a bag and they’re coming off three at a time pretty fast. So, since he’s never done that before I was like, out of my way, I’ll handle this. Of course the line starts moving really fast, and with the way it’s coming, you can’t just push it back and throw it in a nice stack. So we’re bagging stuff anyway, just trying to keep it off the floor and he’s like, “Hey, how many is it supposed to be in a bag?” And I told him, “Twenty-one.” “Some of these bags don’t have twenty one in them.” We were doing shit like putting five things in a bag, forty in a bag, whatever! And I just told him like, “I don’t give a shit. We’re sending it anyway.” So quality control is out and we’re both basically like, cool. We’re talking and all, and he mentions that some other coworkers came back and are working in other departments now. One went to maintenance, the other somewhere else, and it kind of swung around to the fact that they were all wearing matching shirts that said, “I’m a thief.” on a nice, tattoo style gothic font on the back and that no one else was getting the joke! I was the only one that brought it up.  .  .  . 14.) what’s your favorite warm beverage? Crappy (very important) black tea with honey and milk. 15.) name one musical album that greatly impacted your life? why? Sandcastle Kingdoms by NateWantsToBattle / It summarizes some of my fears in life and like, pulling through for that one person. Because you don’t see it, but they believe in you, and sometimes that’s enough. 16.) what’s your favorite form of flattery? I enjoy flirting for the sake of it, does that count? Flattery tends to make me uncomfortable, so I’m not sure there’s such a thing as a “favorite.” 17.) what’s your favorite painting? and describe how it makes you feel? It’s a painting I got at the antique store. It’s a moon in a red forest background with silver mixed in. It makes me feel like there’s a sense of adventure and comfort just over there. The forest is in your own backyard. 18.) describe your personal style? Want to be a lot more alt leaning, but currently you’ll catch me in a lot of gray and layers. Kind of a grunge, t-shirt video game nerd, and alt mashup. 19.) what was the last concept that inspired you? @heartxshaped-bruises Casper. 20.) who was your very first artistic inspiration? My very first one? I liked rainbows and architectural drawings. Drew a lot of houses as a kid. 21.) how long have you used tumblr for? how has your style changed over the years? About seven years now. I guess I use the queue a lot more, prioritize life a little more, and tag a lot less on my main blog! xD 22.) what was your first cell phone? Um .  .  . Basically the same model I have now, only it let me use Google Music instead of YouTube music. Android piece of crap. I never wanted a phone. It was thrown at me one day and I couldn’t take it back -_- 23.) what is your favorite fruit flavor? Kind of want to say rambutan right now. 24.) whom would you resurrect from the afterlife? which 3 questions would you ask them? Storyboard artist Harold Michelson .  .  . I’m not sure what three questions I would ask specifically. Probably things like where how he learned to do the stuff, how you learn it, important tools, all that. 25.) if you could choose only one meal to eat for the remainder of your life, which would you choose? Lentils and rice. Because it’s yummy and you can add a lot of stuff with it! 26.) which of the 7 deadly sins do you struggle with the most? and which the least? Wrath and .  .  . I think envy. 27.) your latest obsession? and why? @heartxshaped-bruises Casper. He’s such an interesting character- Tragic, strong, kind with a bit of bite to him. I’m so totally in love! 28.) if you could domesticate any animal as your pet, which would you choose? Sharks. They’re nice. 29.) what’s your least favorite smell? Crack. Had a hard time thinking of it, but it’s crack. Gives me an instant headache that won’t go away for hours. 30.) favorite “mythological” creature? and why? Dragons. Any form of dragons, they’re strong and have good ideals. 31.) name a scene from a movie that makes you cringe? No one specific scene comes to mind, but in general, poor survival skills in movies! It’s like fatal funnels aren’t even a thing! 32.) favorite piece of memorabilia you own? I own the sheep mask from this music video here! :D 33.) your personal favorite oddity about yourself? I can climb like a mountain goat real good! 34.) favorite concert/show you’ve attended? I went to an All Time Low concert in my hometown. Oh my god that thing was a riot! They almost got booed over nice-y small-talk XD 35.) what’s one thing you would tell to the last person who betrayed you? Honestly, I have no idea. There’s more to say, but at the same time, everything that needed to be said was said. 36.) your favorite mantra to live by? I’m not sure I live by it the way I want, but I like, “Don’t tread on me.” 37.) do you have any strange habits? Not sure if it’s really strange, but I always make sure people aren’t following me when I go anywhere. 38.) what’s your favorite white-noise to fall asleep to? Just random YouTube lets-plays. 39.) what is your favorite gemstone? why? This answer is sure to change, but I like tourmaline. 40.) how do you choose to cope when you’re upset? I like being alone in my room. No one to talk to on the phone or on social medias, maybe watch some YouTube or just sit in silence for awhile. 41.) what are you currently trying to accomplish? Trying to center who I am with who I want to be. 42.) what’s your favorite item you’ve purchased secondhand? A Franklin chair! It was half off at an estate sale! 43.) describe your personality is only 3 words? Stubborn, sarcastic, awkward 44.) how is your relationship with your parents? Fine. Maybe a little distant. 45.) an instrument you aspire to learn how to play? The bagpipes! Growing up, there was always this one neighbor that played Amazing Grace at certain times of the year. Sounded pretty good! Never-mind that bagpipes are loud and I live in an apartment.  .  .  . 46.) relate yourself to one movie character? 47.) least favorite music genre? why? Not exactly a singular genre- but pretentious music in general. Pop and Christian music in general come to mind here. I don’t mind the actual music per say, but people act all weird about some of it. 48.) which animal would you be the most terrified to encounter? Probably a bear. 49.) name a public figure you find to be overrated? why? Jim Carrey. God, fuck that man. A: Canadian (not a plus.) B: Everyone goes on and on about how nice he is and it’s just not believable! I don’t care what they say, I think he’s an asshole, and the only things he’s in that’s any good are when he’s playing assholes! 50.) what purpose do you get out of using tumblr? Ideal social media. Instagram is bullshit, more features than Discord, always hated Facebook and Twitter. Tik Tok is just propaganda .  .  . Ugh. Let’s end this here.
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ohjoyce · 1 year
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2022 in books
It’s been a good year in books. More waves of covid = more time spent inside reading, away from crowds of people so silver linings and all that.
Happily, I’ve also been lucky enough to have lived with and befriended fellow keen bean readers and we’ve swapped our lil paperback collections back and forth. One of my top 5 favourite feelings has got to be watching someone you know read a book you love. Up there too is chatting with a friend about a book they’ve lent you as you read it for the first time. Chef’s kiss experiences.
This year, I elected to read almost entirely for pleasure. I switched jobs two times and worked on getting into a consistent fitness routine of going to the gym 3 times a week so was not looking for anything else challenging or intellectually stimulating to do in my free time. Unfortunately, Canberra does not have very good libraries so I didn't have access to a huge variety of options. But, the library of friends came through with the goods.
Without further ado, a list of my 2022 in books in chronological order that I read them.
The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennet
Quite an interesting and thought-provoking exploration of race and the extent to we are able to choose who we become. Two mixed-race twins growing up in 1950s America experience very different parallel realities as one chooses to capitalise on her lighter skin colour to pass as white. Raised questions of material comfort versus cultural integrity have no clear answers but makes for compelling food for thought.
How We Love by Clementine Ford
This book is slight departure from Clementine Ford's usual stuff-- more tender and vulnerable. Each chapter is about one of the loves in her life and it's as much a letter to a past and future selves as it is an ode to non-romantic love. I also went to her ‘Secular Love Sermon’ aka How We Love book tour show in November of this year which was maybe the best event I went to this year. Here’s to love as bearing witness to life and telling stories always.
The Dry by Jane Harper
Before this year, I hadn't read any of Jane Harper's books. This year I read them all. Goes to show how addictive and effective they are as crime thrillers. The story unfolds and weaves together to reach such a satisfying conclusion. I can't really say too much without spoiling it but Jane Harper has a wonderful way of characterising the Australian bush landscape as a focal point in her novels.
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by JK Rowling, John Tiffany, and Jack Thorne
Incredibly unmemorable. It was pleasant but I can't remember a single thing on reflection.
The Survivors by Jane Harper
Not one of my favourite Jane Harper novels, but as always a great page-turning read.
After I Do by Taylor Jenkin Reid
An interesting exploration of love after marriage and the reality of the highs and lows that starts after most romance stories end. As can be clearly seen from the other books by the same author I kept picking up after this one, I really relished this unconventional premise.
Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkin Reid
I picked this up because the cover was kind of pretty and I was on a lunch-break walk to Civic Library and this was the best pleasant surprise. Something about this novel reminded me of getting deliciously absorbed into a book during school holidays — falling asleep reading and then reading again first thing in the morning. I have a big soft spot for self-made underdog stories and eldest/only daughter protagonists.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkin Reid
Absolutely devoured this story of old-school glamour, love, and disappointment. Nice and neat tie-in with the narrator/journalist’s own modern day sub-plot.
Entire ACOTAR series by Sarah J Maas.
Faerie smut that fits in just about every trope of men written by a woman for the female gaze in a good way. Very fun.
Love Stories by Trent Dalton
Touchingly earnest, Trent Dalton shows us that in hard times, sometimes the best thing to go is to choose to go soft. To choose to show and share the hurt and highs of loving and being loved that are the only things that'll matter in the end. This got me through a chaotic and draining month I worked in family law. I cried a lot.
Force of Nature by Jane Harper
Again, a lesser favourite but good fun nonetheless.
The Lost Man by Jane Harper
This one is up there, so good I reread it a week ago. The perfectly placed red herrings, the family tension, and small-town grudges and secrets. 10/10 times. I particularly enjoyed how men's mental health, loneliness, and isolation were prevalent themes. Jane Harper also sprinkles easter eggs throughout her Faulk novels which subtly intertwine the characters from her books which is fun to spot.
Milk Fed by Melissa Broder
There was a lot of online hype about this book, and the author is behind a twitter account I used to follow called 'SoSadToday' (yeah, I know bahaha). But the rather triggering portrayal of disordered eating and punitive calorie counting made this one a pretty stressful read. There was also zero sense of closure at the end, only confusion.
Book Lovers by Emily Henry
A very sweet and delightful rom-com read for those of us who are sometimes sick of the overly predictable cookie-cutter romance novel. The protagonist is very relatable and is all in all a refreshing palate cleanser to the saccharine netflix christmas holiday movie tropes.
Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton
Absent of any particularly astute life advice at least in any productive sense but deeply comforting that the era of being in your twenties is as chaotic as it is character-building and all of it is normal.
The No Show by Beth O'Leary
Slightly over-complicated plot-twist but props for originality and side-plot which I may or may not have become more invested in than the main plot by the end.
Second First Impressions by Sally Thorne
A fun, quirky, alternative rom-com read with colourful characters and the evergreen message that it's more than ok to be a cosy offbeat weirdo as long as enjoy it.
No Matter Our Wreckage by Gemma Carey
Written by a now-Canberran dwelling lady academic researcher, this book reflexively documents   her own childhood sexual assault and abuse. Which is to say things get very real and very dark at points. But, Gemma Carey refuses to let her story go untold and that courage glues together what is an otherwise tragic and deeply personal patchwork of recollections and tribulations.
Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney
Honestly, I can't say I'm a big Sally Rooney fan but sometimes you are having a mid time and simply want to escape into someone else's even mid-er time this hits. I can't explain it any other way.
The Switch by Beth O'Leary
I tried to listen to the audiobook of this story and didn't make it very far but when I found a copy of the paperback, I got through it quite readily. Cosy as all Beth O'Leary novels are, if the obstacle-boyfriend can be a bit characterised as a bit obviously shit.
November 9th Colleen Hoover
If you miss the days of scoffing down random wattpad stories as a tween, this is perfect.
Love and Virtue by Diana Reid
I spent on year studying at the University of Sydney in 2017 and used to always wonder what went on behind the hedges of the overpriced colleges where presumably people with very rich parents lived. This book is almost definitely a very accurate window into the answer. Having studied law and arts at Usyd herself, the
Verity by Colleen Hoover
Wtf!? Truly I was relentlessly gazumped and then bamboozled. No sense can be made of this one, it's beyond sense.
Love on the Brain by Ali Hazelwood
I've just finished this book, it might be my last read of 2022. A very sweet and escapist read (mostly for me, as a mathematically and scientifically challenged legal professional lmao). Though I will say I enjoyed Ali Hazelwood's other novel The Love Hypothesis a smidge more.
Whew, that was quite a test for my memory. Any outstandingly great or shitty reads for you in 2022? KEEN TO DISCUSS as always.
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imsorryithurts · 1 year
Note
im torn between writing essays on what the symbolism on disco elysium means to me and writing fics in which i shake the shit out of those middle aged men in a jar until they threw up. i can not choose both im swamped with work and other junk 😭
anyway, glad to see another DE whump enjoyers, if you had any fic recs please please please tell me (esp if its kim centric, i really like the caretaking reversal trope)
I FEEL YOU. DE is such a deep and beautiful game but also. I want Kim's picture framed on my wall like that one person in the news.
I remember thinking "I'm not going to fandom-fy this. I will enjoy this like a normal adult person". Which is pretty good, but then you have the writers posting stuff like "yeah, I think Jean and Harry fucked", and fan artists posting the characters as c.alico critters, and fanfiction writers writing literal novels as fan sequels, how can I resist??
But then someone comes and does a deep analysis of themes, characters and motifs and I'm like "damn. should I be poor meow meowing these men?"
Anyway, I guess the conclusion I came to was:
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DE is such an amazing game and it leaves space for both brain rot and intellectual reading. It's not often I get this involved with media that tackles complex and real issues and criticisms, with characters that are not really great people but they are so incredibly charismatic you forget, and at the same time makes silly jokes, has an idle animation of them cracking each other's backs and makes you want to pet these greasy/balding middle aged men. So I'm managing to balance both Fandom Brain and Enjoyer of the Actual Game and it's Brilliance Brain so far. I guess what I'm trying to say is that most fandoms I'm in I don't take the media so seriously, but I absolutely would submerge myself in a pool of DE source material and be serious about it.
I don't know. I'm not rusty with words. All I know is DE good, and I want to see them hurt.
I'll rec some fics under the cut so this doesn't get too long!
So, you might have already filtered AO3 by "whump" and "hurt/comfort" and found these. But here are some I really enjoyed and have saved:
Tenth of a Second by SupposedtobeWriting
AU where Kim gets shot after the tribunal and Harry is the one that takes care of him. One of the first fics I came across when I first searched the fandom tag. One of my favorites, I remember having to pace myself while reading it to make it last longer!
Small Light in a Dark City by SupposedToBeWriting
Kim has a nightmare after the case. More psychological whump.
An Impression of Smoke by nicpic
I'm just going to copy the tags: kim is sick, jean is soft, That's it, that's the fic
Also really like this one :) The Day After comes before in the series, and it's also fun, just short and lighter on the whump.
nicpic also has Blood on Snow, it's a bit more heavy on the hurt, and Jean is the hurt one. Plus, they seem to have some really cool fics I havent gotten around to reading yet.
In sync by DistressPlop
Tribunal aftermath, Harry whump, with some Kim psychological whump. I remember reading this, but I must have read it in bed before sleeping because I don't remember much about it lol. Guess I'll get to enjoy it fresh one more time.
sans sommeil by narramin
Kim, who was undercover until then, shows up hurt at Jean's door. Now that I think about it, this one might have been one of the first fics I read. I was finishing up this list and my brain went "wait what about that undercover Kim one?" and I had to search for it, because I read it before making my ao3 account. I don't remember much about it, except that I really liked the whump in it.
Ace's (All-Time) Low by new_career_in_business
Kim shows up hurt at Harry's door. TW for homophobia
I believe Ace's (All-Time) Low was the last one I read before deciding to not pick up new ones because I really need to focus on studying for the admittance test of the master's program I want to get in. So now I only have a bunch marked for later, both whump and non-whump. Maybe I'll do an updated list in the future, I'd like to have a neat little list so I can revisit them easily :).
Happy reading, and feel free to rec back! Here's to more DE whump in our lives! *raises glass*
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failedkitchen · 1 year
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CLoves: The Waking Up App 💙
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It's literally not just a meditation app. No alerts to make you feel like a failure for skipping a day, truly scrumptious content for the mind body and soul, no charges if you can't afford it, no questions asked.
I love free stuff. Not only because I'm stingy (maybe), but I really believe the best stuff the world has to offer in life is free, and should be. So this is what really got me about the app before diving into its content. It doesn't stop at giving you a 30-day free trial without asking for a credit card, but you can get a full-year scholarship with no questions asked when you truly can't afford it. You just listen to a short message from Sam Harris, the founder and voice for most of the content, send an email, and a few days later someone sends you a very nice email saying you get a year of free subscription (normally $14.99 a month for people who can afford it). And you can do it again next year (which I did, went from student to graduate so it's justified). I really think all business models should be something like this. Sam says in his podcast (called Making Sense, which also has the same business model) that he didn't expect this to work out or be able to support itself, but I guess this type of radical generosity really pays off.
I've been listening to David Whyte's spoken poetry series on the app every night before bed, for a few months now. He reads his beautifully and deadly simple putting-together-of-words in his deep, soothing voice, but also gives background and context to each poem. Each recording is 5-10 minutes long, perfectly bite-sized, and a perfect balance of intellectually juicy food for thought as well as meditative insight. I love having poetry explained to me, telling me the state of mind in which he wrote it, where he was, who it was about, and just super insightful anecdotes that make the poems that much more memorable.
I'm not as good at keeping up a daily meditation practice, but Sam makes it really easy to get back into it.
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This is the homepage of Waking Up. Every day, the daily meditation updates, with today's date and a new unseen artwork. You don't really know what you're gonna get every day, how much he's gonna talk, what instructions he'll give (all while sitting comfortably), whether you open or close your eyes, how theoretical he'll get, how much he'll just leave you be in silence. That really works for me, so I don't have any preconceptions of what may come. I just click on the beautiful artwork (the list of artists can be found here) and sit. I also love how it shows how many people are practicing with you at that moment. I don't notice it much, but it's such a nice feature and a pleasant thing to acknowledge. You also choose whether you want a 10-minute session or 20-minute session. I sort of switch depending on the day, but honestly if I don't do the 20 then I just skip it altogether lol.
The homepage is like Spotify, with recommendations and features to guide me on what next across my overthinking mind. Look at the cute artworks!!!
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Excuse the lazy layout, but these are the different pages that are Theory, Practice, and Life. This is one of my favourite things about it. They're not just meditations, but crazy stuff like full-length exclusive Alan Watts talks and series by some of the biggest thinkers and practitioners, including my favourite David Whyte series. I started with his Consolations series where every poem explores the meaning, paradox, and complexity of everyday words, e.g. "Genuis", "Ambition", "Heartbreak', etc. They really really hit the spot for me, and I've learnt so much from them. Sometimes they just perfectly align with what you're going through and tell you exactly what you needed to hear. Now I'm on his Contemplative Action series, and it's sooo good.
When I tried Headspace, I hated that they reminded me every day that I didn't meditate and it keeps piling up in my notifications, I just wanted them to leave me alone. But with Waking Up, you get a little contemplative message every day with the title "Take a moment?", and if you click it it takes you to a ~40 second voice message from Sam saying something nice and deep. And an artwork. The one I got yesterday said, "Each of us is looking for a path back to the present. We're trying to find good enough reasons to be satisfied." Thank you Sam for the little bit of data that will go into my subconscious and feed the cats that are hungry for good thoughts.
But if you want to start with some kind of structure, the app starts with an Introductory Course that has about 30 sessions. But no pressure to follow day 1 day 2, they're just called Meditation 1 and so on, and the sessions vary from ~8-15 minutes. They're also accompanied by a nice non-compulsory theory session that goes hand in hand with the meditation for more conceptual backing. To kind of give a ballpark, he explores the sense of self, metta (loving-kindness), the power and necessity of thoughts, mindfulness and its usefulness, and much much more.
Waking Up has given me such good guidance when I need it without forcing it down my throat. I'm still trying to maintain an every day practice, but I also don't blame myself when I don't. Everything about it is just so soothing, including the amount of charity they're doing with the app. In their 100 Days of Giving, random members will be selected to direct $10,000 to one of 10 highly effective charities, with a total of a million. Their radical generosity is infectious, and they truly make the world a better place. I love them very much.
Thanks for giving your time to read this hehe, love you very much too and here's a closing note taken from their twitter.
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P.S. I just realised I can pick a head for my profile !! and there are so many !! 😭🥺
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Note
did you read ACOSF? if so, who do you think Azriel should end up with? I can’t decide anymore
i did read ACOSF! but unfortunately, nonnie, mine is probably going to be one of those answers that a vast majority of the fandom disagrees with.
i honestly have headcanoned Az as asexual since i first read the series. this was before i was really in the YA book scene, before i even knew there was a ship war over who Elain ends up with, before sjm said anything about Az being a "freak in the sheets" or whatever it was lmao. my brain just looked at him and went "wow what a nice ace fellow 😌", and that was that.
i'm not really a side-character kind of gal and definitely like to keep the drama at an arm's length, so needless to say i've never had much reason to be invested in any one outcome for him. i will say, however, if i had to jump on any ship, it'd probably be the Eluciriel OT3 because i despise love triangles and por qué no los dos? 🤷‍♀️
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nari-nim · 3 years
Text
yeosang as your boyfriend
nari note: kicking off the bf series with this king. who do you want to see next? creds for gif goes to @holy-yeosang​
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Let’s be honest, you might have to make the first move with him
But it’s worth it because yeosang is actually such boyfriend material
He takes comfort in established familiarity and warm-heartedness, so likes taking things slow and understanding your personality more than anything
Shy boi at first even as y’all are dating
It can take a long time to reach the point he’s super comfortable. 
But please be patient with him because he really has super intense and strong feelings for you
Super playful and chaotic once he feels max comfortable around you!!
Type to be quiet around others but then rambles nonstop with you. Would be so funny too, he has so many hot takes he was holding in 
Can be unpredictable, but not in a bad way! 
More like he just stares at you in such a straight face until you get slightly worried, but he just feeds you three pocky sticks, kisses your lips as you are munching in confusion, and then leaves
Also please he’s so funny??? Like it’s not the type of humor like Wooyoung who just is so loud and makes everyone laugh, but the type where he makes such snarky or intellectual jabs at the situation/those around him
So it just ends up with the two of your snickering on the side
So many inside jokes
So much laughter, always 
Definitely the type to tease you as his form of flirting
Enjoys personal attention and lots of eye contact when talking about literally anything that comes to mind
Really likes just sitting with you somewhere cozy and talking about life for hours and hours on end
Once he’s comfortable, he’s actually so adorably expressive and unafraid to return PDA
While he may struggle with emotional expression at times, physical affection can stand in loving words for him
While not as touchy as San or Wooyoung, he isn’t afraid to have the two of you be in your own world
Sits close to you at any given opportunity and quietly takes care of you
Like offering you snacks first, moves your hair behind your ears, urges you to wrap you arms around his, gives you his jacket
He’s the type to love you quietly
Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are so incredibly thoughtful and attentive
For example, he may not be tripping over himself to tell you just how much he loves you 24/7 but he never fails to open soft drinks for you after the one time your nail broke in front of him when you tried to pry the metal tab open, he literally ignores the group chat but makes sure he bids you good morning and good night because he’s seen how happy they make you feel, etc
Ok but he is so kind even if he rarely voices it. You can absolutely count on him to be there for emotional and practical support whenever it’s needed.
Very trusting in the relationship
He is really understanding of you having friends/a life outside of him so he’s less likely to get jealous
Really rational in disagreements
Sometimes it can get hard to read his expressions, so it’s important you both learn to communicate a lot to keep the relationship healthy! He’s actually really good at voicing his thoughts and opinions well once he has the space to do so
Values reciprocation
Will do aegyo to make you blush or sway things in his favor. And then will proceed to hide his face immediately after
please he is Adorable
You’re his hype man. He will also then get super shy, but loves every single second of it. Secretly wants you to hype him up nonstop
I think he secretly really enjoys words of affirmation as his primary love language (receiving).
Compliments can be a little rare from him, so when he does compliment you, you know he really means it!! 
And he will roast you
Sometimes, he has his fun by occasionally starting some verbal sparring followed by intense making up. 
Like he’ll choose a topic and say something so wild about it just to see your expression. Pushes your buttons a little before either one of you has to shut the other up through a make out session or a bet
Just very trustworthy, loyal, loving and faithful as a whole uwu
NSFW after this
With that being said, he’s a switch
I don’t see power play being as big of deal for him tbh, he likes to go with the flow with what you both feel like during the moment
literally his preference to dom or sub may actually depend on you and the dynamic of the relationship
when he’s dom, he’s soft or hard depending on the mood as well
but ngl I’m leaning on that hard dom agenda
Sex with him can start out a bit vanilla at first
He’s so careful and wants you to be comfy :’)
But give it a few rounds and lots of communication, his kinky ass will take over
Takes a lot of joy in pleasing you, and can take this to an extreme where he just wants to watch you cum again and again and again from his touch
Um can be a bit of a sadist 
Type to ask you if it hurts while overstimulating you and says “good” when you moan in affirmation 
Secretly has a thing to see you cry 
Also really likes edging
He likes driving you so desperate to the point you’re begging him to let you cum
As you’re reaching and moaning for him he’ll say in a teasing tone “oh really, what do you want? You want my cock? Hm? Is that it?” 
Just to hear your pleady whines
That mocking tone will send shivers down anyone’s spine 
Oh My God you cannot tell me he won’t have a degradation kink (giving)
Also the type to be like “use your words” while he’s going down on you and then proceed to suck your clit extra hard, making you unable to form coherent sounds through your loud moans. It then becomes his excuse to edge you for yet another round because you didn’t use your words, did you?
Whew, anyways
Grab onto his biceps while he rails into you and notice how they flex underneath you as he starts pounding harder in response
Likes to show off his gains by pushing you up against a wall 
Also likes it when you top him
Likes hearing you really vocal, even though he’s more on the quieter side when he isn’t dirty talking
Usually just groans when hitting an extra sensitive spot or when you give a particularly good blowjob that day
Likes having you go down on him as foreplay, but prefers penetration as an end goal
Into the classic missionary and launchpad positions so he can see your expression clearly as he overstimulates/edges you
Likes seeing you look up at him through those teary eyes <3
But also very into doggy style
Likes fucking you into the sheets in general, so any position adjacent to that is on his favorites list
um his fingering game is so strong
In the mornings, likes slowly fucking you from behind while spooning you so he can also grab onto your tits or play with your clit
His end goal always is to make you feel so fucking good, it just manifests differently than service tops like Seonghwa or Yunho
Very private about your sex life and not into public sex at all
Possessive in that way. Only he can touch you like that, see you like that, hear your moans like that, etc
Likes hearing you confirm that 
“Only I can make you scream like this”
“Who fucks you this good, huh?”
“C’mon, say it louder.” 
Has one hell of a degradation kink (giving) me thinks
Likes it when you talk back, lowkey likes brat taming when he’s in a dom mood
But does like teasing you in public and keeping it like that until you both find a bedroom, gets off on the idea of you both having to hide your neediness in public
Very little people expect that from just seeing you both together in regular settings 
But little do they know despite the two of you innocently sitting together eating brunch with the team, leaving a few inches for jesus, y’all just had the freakiest sex before getting there. Like you’re literally shifting around in your seat as the soreness kicks in, and Yeosang is smirking ever so slightly at your discomfort
Will rest a heavy head on your upper thigh for a few seconds, brushing his pinky finger against your clothed clit through the thin fabric of your outfit, as he reaches for the bread basket 
Likes hearing that little gasp leaving your lips
Knows he’s leaving you very frustrated and will use that to his advantage later
The whole time, he has the most innocent, fair expression on his face
when he’s a sub tho?
similar vibes. wants you to feel good. 
Still wants to dirty talk, but it’s far more subservient now
one quick way to get him into subspace
if you push him far enough, then he’s so pouty and clingy and fucking cute
It’s so rare to see him like this but always such a treat
favorite positions is to have you ride him and he’ll play with your tits
or he’s still fucking you into the sheets but you are 100% in control
Just imagine him all whiny and teary as he fucks into you, begging you to let him cum as your clench your walls purposely around him, making him yelp as he tries to still his shaking thighs to wait for your signal
actually can be quite obedient as a sub
truly will do his best to be your good boy 
Anyways, aftercare is pretty good with him. He’s very caring and gentle and checks in a lot with you (he better, usually he fucks quite a few rounds out of you)
If he’s fucked out tho, make sure he is also taken care of! As a sub, he follows your orders so well so he’ll probably fall asleep so fast after intensely cumming for the nth time 
At the very least wipes you both down clean with a warm washcloth and kisses you to sleep
Likes spooning you at the end :’)
give him his cuddles </3
masterlist
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brodependent · 3 years
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Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam: a meta
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Much as I love reading good meta, I don’t often write meta. Thus please accept my apologies if this is mediocre, and let me start with a simple topic sentence:
Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.
A little longer, now: Sam is even better at loving Dean than Dean is at loving Sam because of Dean’s profound and abiding love for Sam.
Confusing, right? But not really.
We all know how Dean lives and breathes SammySammySammywatchoutforSammy. It’s his defining mission, his ultimate purpose, or, as a therapist might say, his “core belief.” But sometimes I think that we allow adult!Dean too little autonomy. We assume that he can’t help himself: he’s locked into this single-minded focus, on loving and protecting the only family he has left.
That sells Dean short. (Hang in there, I promise I’ll get to Sam in a moment.)
Even people who have been forced into a certain way of life have choices. Even people who have been told who they are all their life have choices. Dean tells us, in Season 14, I’m good with who I am--and I, for one, believe him. Whether we follow canon all the way to 15x17, when Dean is finally brought back from the edge of his desire for revenge against Chuck by his love for Sam (the only thing that’s “real”), or whether we keep to season 1 when Dean said--that’s all we have...that’s all I have... and I want us to be a family again and as long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you--Dean has always accepted his role as Sam’s big brother. Dean’s life is unabashedly Sam-centric. He’d change a lot of things, but in the end he’d change nothing, because he wouldn’t change that. 
Some fans get very het up about the codependent aspect of this. Others (in my opinion, rightly) defend it. There’s scads of meta on why the Winchester dynamic IS necessary for their mythic role in the narrative, and their human role in the narrative (more importantly), so I won’t write that meta now. All I’m saying is what I think you already know: Dean lives for Sam, his baby brother, and despite the grief, the growing pains, the occasional cruelty of desperate love, Dean said it all when he told Sam (and us), Don’t you ever think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you.
So where does that leave Sam, and his love for Dean? Let’s start with that line I just quoted. Building on the above, Dean’s goal in life is to give Sam a life. He wants Sam to be happy. He wants him to be free. He also wants to keep him by his side forever, to control him for safety and comfort’s sake, and sometimes those instincts of a frightened-child-turned-traumatized-man win out. Dean isn’t perfect. Dean’s full of contradictions. But time and again he goes back to stone number one: what he can do for Sam. What he can offer Sam, by being the grunt, by standing in harm’s way. 
When we begin the story, Sam has succeeded in the path Dean helped carve for him. I’m not taking all the credit from Sam here, and giving it Dean: merely pointing out that Dean stepped into traditional parental roles and helped send Sam into adulthood, even though that meant Sam leaving him. We know that the night Sam left for Stanford was one of the worst of Dean’s life, but even in mid-season 1, Dean tells Sam he’s proud of him. You always know what you want. You stand up to Dad. Hell, sometimes I wish I--
(this, of course, is beautifully echoed in the series finale itself)
Dean is telling Sam what so many parents tell their children: you have gone places I never could, accomplished goals I never could, grown in grace and understanding like I never could. At least, I like to think that’s what the best parents tell their children.
To Dean, Sam is always the one with more hope. More wholeness. More options. To Sam, Dean is stone number one. 
You asked how Sam loves Dean, and my answer is: just look. Look at how Sam goes out into the world young, stands up to their father, makes his own decisions, fights back against Dean’s own nihilistic narrative through their primary losses and setbacks. Dean gave Sam the safety to build a better worldview than Dean himself has, and Sam turns that right back around and tries to give it to Dean. 
What do you think my job is? You’re my big brother--there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. 
I can’t lose you.
You’re not a grunt, Dean, you’re a genius.
This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother.
I am going to save my brother. And then I’m going to kill you dead.
If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you.
I believe in us.
This is just a small collection of Sam quotes showing his love for Dean. A small collection showing the persistent theme of Sam’s persistence. He knows that pushing chick-flick moments and emotional conversations can get jokes for a dime a dozen, and even the occasional punch thrown his way. He keeps at it anyway. When Sam knows Dean’s hurting, he wants to help. He’d do anything to help. He won’t sit around and see his brother turn into an embittered killer (season 2), go to hell for saving his life (season 3), take on the Trials (season 8), be irrevocably corrupted by the Mark of Cain (seasons 9-10), let him despair (seasons 11 and 13), let him sacrifice himself to an archangel’s grave (season 14), or let him lose his goodness to the whims of a vicious god (season 15). Sam fights for Dean with full use of his considerable gifts--intelligence, rationality, resourcefulness, and yes, the occasional blind rage. Sam looks to Dean, first as a leader, then as a judge, and finally as an equal. Sam has been looking up to Dean since he was four, yes, but over the course of the show he comes to look at Dean. With love, peace, understanding, humor, pain...whatever their inimitable connection requires.
The quotes I noted above also reveal Sam’s own conflicts rear up. Sam and Dean (again, in my opinion) are equally developed characters. Both have flaws and inconsistencies. Both have struggles inherent to their personalities and upbringings, distinct from those imposed on them by supernatural forces. 
Sam had a glimpse of a different life, once. He had the smarts, he had the drive, he had the sheer stubbornness to live a different life than John or Azazel or hell, even Lucifer had planned for him. But also in Sam--innate in Sam--is his core of goodness and compassion and the principle of doing right, which leads him back into the life and to soul-crushing sacrifice again and again.
Sam breaks and is broken. Sam suffers and ages and spends more time in hell than even Dean, who went to protect him.
But what keeps Sam going? Dean. Dean can’t live without Sam. We know that. The flip side is that Sam doesn’t want to live without Dean. Importantly, I think, he has more choice in the matter. Dean focused his whole childhood identity on giving Sam a life that meant he had choices, even if Dean didn’t know he was doing that. Sam can move through more crowds, more roles, more relationships. He has a better education, he has a more powerful ability to intellectually reason and detach. He would have made a great lawyer. Yet he casts all this aside out of sheer willpower, choosing instead to love Dean and live with Dean through the chaos of their lives, and to go near mad when Dean is gone. Consider Sam in season 4, Sam in season 10...Sam in season 8 trying to atone for the very choice that Dean (the best part of Dean) wanted him to make, even if the real muddle of Dean’s psyche couldn’t forgive him, for a time, for making it.
All of this leads us to the finale. 
You said you wish Sam had said I love you back to Dean in the finale. I argue that he did. He made his love perfectly clear to Dean in that moment by holding his hand, by looking in his eyes. He said, you can go now, when all he wanted was for Dean to stay. 
The best part of Dean wanted Sam to have happiness and freedom. At the end of his life, Dean was finally able to communicate that without fear or reservation. 
But the bittersweet brilliance of that moment is that Sam--the Stanford boy who went to hell and back, who saved the world, brought down one god and raised another--no longer wanted any kind of happiness or freedom that didn’t include the one person who’d been by his side all along. Dean was giving his blessing for a path that didn’t beckon Sam anymore. And yet: Sam said yes to it out of the love for Dean. Sam went out of that barn, out of the bunker, out of that day and that year and that decade and into the next and the next, out of love for Dean. Sam loved Dean by living. He loved Dean by raising another Winchester. He loved Dean by holding all their contradictions, flaws, and heroisms in his heart (in their car), until he’d done what he set out to do many times over. 
Then he met Dean on a mended bridge, dressed in old clothes that said: I was happiest at the beginning. I was happiest when we could be brothers again. I took my time getting here anyway, because I know that was what you wanted. I took my time so that we could be happiest now.
If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
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anika-ann · 3 years
Text
Attached: Word Is that We Might Work It Out
Type: Modern-college-professor AU - part of Attached series 
Pairing: professor!Steve Rogers x reader   Word count: 6850🙈
Summary: You said yes to Professor Rogers – Steve – taking you out for ‘coffee’. Ball’s in your court – and you decide to make your move. 
A date, maybe first of many, maybe not. A date with the gorgeous professor who happened to read your erotica about him. What could possibly go wrong? 
Warnings:  alcohol consumption, professor-student relationship and unspecified age gap, language, lots of fluff
A/N: Timeline-wise, this one-shot fits in after chapter four of Attached!!! At the end, you can find the reason behind me writing this. You can consider it one big flashback, if you will 😅 Gif by capchrisevaans.
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Series masterlist | previous in timeline
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You lasted one day. One full day since the encounter in the office, since Professor Rogers admitted he would like to take you out for coffee or something similar. Since you two exchanged numbers.
It took you twenty-four hours – maybe less – to decide that so what if that might be a bad idea. It was not against the university rules and Professor Steve Rogers was a fucking specimen who also seemed to be a genuinely nice human being and if you allowed yourself to play chicken just because something only might go wrong in the future, you’d be an idiot.
Penny, your roomie, wholeheartedly agreed. She actually punched the air in victory as you were nursing a greasy lunch due to the wild-ish celebration of the end of the semester together the night prior and you just said to the void: “You know what, screw it. I’m gonna go for it.”
You didn’t even have to say what you were talking about – Professor Rogers had been the topic ever since the faithful Monday.
So you texted him that if the offer still stood, you’d like to meet up on Friday evening. Was he free?
Hey, Y/N :) Thank you for reaching out. Friday sounds great. Do you have anything specific in mind?
“Dude. He’s such a cutie. Who even texts like that?” Penny chuckled, a wide grin on her face as you couldn’t but read the text out loud.
“I texted him like that.”
“Touché. Because you want to impress mister ‘hot as fuck intellectual’ there.”
You just rolled your eyes, neither confirming nor denying. Mostly because Penny was right. But he was the first to use an emoji and… yeah, cutie indeed.
Well, I never say no to dinner and I’m down for almost anything-
“I bet you are,” Penny hummed to your ear and you swung after her blindly and thought of a better phrasing.
Well, I never say no to a dinner and I’m not picky. You choose. Seven-ish sounds good?
“Spoilsport.”
“Stop reading over my shoulder!” you chuckled and bit your lip as the answer came almost immediately.
Seven is alright. I’ll think of something to treat a girl right ;)
Your stomach made a small somersault, your face instantly radiating heat at the possible innuendo. The phone vibrated again before you could fully process the image your mind painted of him actually saying it in his gentle timbre.
Just so we’re clear, what is the nature of the dinner? It can be whatever you feel comfortable with.
Your heart leaped into your throat, hammering wildly.
That was the question, wasn’t it? Since you texted him, you made one thing clear with yourself. If you were doing this, it was going to be a date. You wouldn’t be doing things by halves.
Penny next to you made a noise that sounded as something between an aww and her gagging on nothing. “He’s disgustingly considerate for a man his age planning on going out with a girl your age.”
“He’s not that much older,” you protested instantly, frowning. He wasn’t. She knew that; you had both done your research. “And I think it’s amazing.”
You caught Penny’s smile from the corner of your eye as you typed.
“Well, it is kinda sweet. And I know he’s not, I’m messing with you. It’s just-- DON’T SEND HIM THAT!”
“Why?” you questioned, looking at her quizzically and totally clicking on send on purpose at the same time.
I’d be comfortable with a date if you are.
“It’s so lame. Of course he’s comfortable with a date, he suggested it. Duh.”
The reply came way too fast and Penny chuckled behind you as your jaw went slack.
“You know what? Don’t mind me. Good job. Keep it up,” Penny patted your shoulder as you stared at the screen where Professor Steven Grant Rogers just texted you a damn heart.
It’s a date <3
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It was a date indeed.
Steve texted you an address on Friday morning (along with an adorable good morning :) ), apologizing that he couldn’t pick you up, making sure you’d be alright getting there on your own. You found it absolutely sweet, considerate and smart. You suspected that his ‘inability’ to pick you up had something to do with the fact that you lived at the dorms and if he showed up there, it would be trending in the university chit-chat room within five minutes.
You spent a better part of the Friday afternoon researching the place and the weather forecast so you could dress accordingly and getting ready.
You were not ready for a date with Steve Rogers however; your nerves were a mess and nothing could ever prepare you for when he showed up perfectly on time in front of the restaurant---- wearing a suit no less.
How were you supposed to function when he was wearing such elegant clothing, a suit he filled up so fucking well?! And he looked just as breath-taking as always, stupidly perfect beard and slightly tousled hair you just wanted to run your fingers through and his smile was so gorgeous and--- Jesus Fucking Christ, the suit- how could you even put words together when looking at him-
“Wow, I feel so underdressed now.”
Clearly, you could speak just fine, only you lost your brain-to-mouth filter. Also, your mouth might have started watering and your heart was pounding like crazy. You would not survive tonight.
But, you also had a point. The restaurant was supposed to be a nice place, but relatively plain. And he showed up in amazingly fitting dress pants, white shirt, a tie and a suit jacket. So yes, you did feel underdressed.
“Oh no, no! You’re not,” he rushed to reassure you, eyeing your semi-leisure white dress with burgundy flowers with an attentive gaze that had you shifting your weight nervously. “I’m overdressed if anything. Sticking out like a sore thumb, I’m sorry.”
You could always just strip the suit jacket, was your first thought, but luckily for you, this time you managed to contain the words before they got out to the open.
“You’re fine,” you said instead, not knowing how else to react; needless to say you were grateful for the smile he gave you despite the double meaning.
Yes, he was fine indeed. Always. It was unfair, really.
“Thanks. You too. In fact, you look beautiful.”
Your heart stopped in your chest, your mind suddenly racing a mile per minute.
It was ridiculous. It was just a word. But for one, it was spoken so kindly and genuinely you couldn’t but think he meant it, for two, it was Professor Steve Rogers who told you that and--- beautiful.
You couldn’t remember a guy ever calling you beautiful.
Cute? Sure. Pretty? Maybe. Hot? Might have happened once or twice . But beautiful?
You might actually swoon.
And you were so lost in your head that you couldn’t but silently stare at the lethally handsome man in front of you and then it again registered in your brain that this was your fucking crush speaking to you and he was on a date with you and he had read your erotica, one that was about him no less-
Your face was set aflame in an instant and you… you couldn’t let out a word.
“It everything okay? Did I… did I say something wrong?” Steve asked hesitantly, a concerned wrinkle appearing between his brows and it reminded you of all the times you had seen him wearing such thoughtful expression in the two classes he taught instead of Professor Barnes and-
You were screwed.
Tonight was going to be a disaster.
“No, uhm, no, sorry--- maybe we should go inside or-“ you muttered, lightly gesturing towards the door and could you get any more awkward?
“Yeah, sure, sounds good.”
He let you walk in first like a real gentleman, the lightest skim of his fingers on your lower back, which caused your heartbeat to skyrocket; and only when the hostess seated you, you realized you never accepted his kind compliment.
It was too late for that now, you assumed, so you sipped at the still water which waited at each table, and repeated like a mantra to yourself that you needed to get your shit together otherwise you’d ruin your shot before the night even started.
But clearly, you succeeded at that already.
Whatever awkward aura you had around yourself, it seemed to extend now to him too – he shifted slightly in his seat (he had pulled out your chair for you before, because of course he had), his shoulders stiff. Despite that, he smiled at you over the menu.
“So… all exams worked out? Enjoying the freedom?” he asked casually.
“Oh, yes. Yeah.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” you uttered with a forced smile, your stomach twisted unpleasantly.  
For some reason, you felt like you were having a lame attempt at small talk with a professor, which you were, but it wasn’t supposed to be like that.
Not tonight. Not on a date.
What were you even doing here? What were you playing at? Professor Steve Rogers was entirely out of your league, gorgeous, funny, kind and smart and here you were, barely making conversation.
It was pathetic really. It was embarrassing for both of you.
“You up to anything fun?” he queried, the question less enthusiastic than the one before. He was already growing tired of making your uncooperative brain work at least a bit, it was obvious.
Your gulped as the memory of last night popped in your head – staying in, quiet evening, in a mood for some dirty writing--- oh bless, another reminder of why this dinner was and should be really weird.
Steve read your smutty story. The one about him.
“Nothing special,” you squealed silently, earning a plain nod. “Eh, we went out with Penny, my roommate and best friend in one person. But mostly I just stayed in and--- caught up on sleeping.”
“I know what that’s like,” Steve hummed, clearly as grateful as you were when the waiter appeared by your table to take your orders.
Silence stretched as the man left, your hand beginning to fiddle with the neatly folded napkin on the table, lump growing in your throat due to your nerves.
“What about you? Anything… fun?” you asked reluctantly, noticing a brief smile passing Steve’s lips. Pretty, sinfully pretty lips. Perfect. Untouchable for mere mortals like you.
“Oh, not much. Few exam sittings, faculty meetings – we had one now, hence the suit-“
“You came here right from school?” you blurted out, startled – and clearly surprising him with your rudeness. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Yes, I did. We have a meeting every last Friday of the month.”
“Oh my god, you must be so tired,” you sympathized with him quietly, the uneasy feeling in your stomach only growing. He came here straight from work and for this? “Why didn’t you say something? We could have postponed or something.”
Steve swiftly shook his head, his warm hand landing on yours, gently stopping your restless fingers. This time, it was butterflies in your stomach erupting with life, the sweet comforting gesture warming your heart. He wanted to be here. He came here for you. He was interested in you.
And the feeling was mutual. So why was it being so weird then?
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m glad you reached out. I’m glad that you said yes in the first place,” he admitted, features softening despite the tension in his shoulders never leaving. His brows furrowed as he slowly withdrew his hand – it must have been an automatic reaction then. “I’m not that tired and… and maybe I was little worried that if I asked for a different date, then…”
He trailed off and your lips parted in surprise, your heart swelling in your chest at what he was implying.
Did he think you’d back out? Did he think that all the potential obstacles intimidated you too much? That you’d think it wasn’t worth it? That it wouldn’t work out anyway?
Seeing as you were now, you couldn’t blame him. Despite him being the world’s most charming man, here you were, being… not at all yourself, stressing for no reason.
It seemed to you that had had chemistry, back there in his office. This date made sense. When you imagined how this could unfold, well, it went a bit differently too. There was considerably less embarrassment going around.
This was why you preferred writing to speaking. That’s why you liked daydreaming. Because reality was often less than ideal, no script, awkward silences, misunderstandings…
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice barely audible as your food arrived.
You both thanked the waiter politely and you hoped that at least now you’d have a good excuse for the lack of normal conversation.
“What are you sorry for?”
You sighed and nibbled on your lower lip, not missing the way his gaze instinctively flickered there, pupils dilating just a fraction – but enough for you to notice. Your heart skipped a pleased beat – but the undeniable physical attraction couldn’t be enough.
“For this,” you said, gesturing vaguely between the two of you. His features twisted in disappointment and something that looked a lot like regret flashed in his eyes. “I want to be here, Steve. I really do. I don’t know what’s wrong with me-“
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you,” he was quick to oppose and you couldn’t help it as a wry chuckle escaped you.
“Well, there’s certainly nothing wrong with you. And still, there’s this…”
“…tension?”
You wished.
“Sort of? But not the fun kind, for sure.”
He grimaced, but a spark of amusement lit up his blue irises. “Awkward air around us?”
“Yes!” you exclaimed victoriously as he voiced exactly what you were thinking. Then you quickly lowered your voice, looking around. Luckily, no one stared at you. You realized you leaned closer to him over the table, your heart racing at that, but you didn’t withdraw; it was a lovely opportunity to get even a better look at his perfect face. “But I don’t know why!” You knew why. “I like you, Steve-“
“I like you too. And I know I already said that, but you look stunning.”
Your cheeks burned again, but this time, you managed to stutter out a thank you at least. Stunning, Jesus, was he for real?
“T-thank you. You look incredibly handsome too. Then again you always do—why did I say that.”
One corner of his lips quirked up.
“Why thank you, I’m glad you did. The feeling’s mutual, believe me.”
“Then why does this feel like one of the most awkward dates I’ve ever been to?!” you whisper-yelled, causing him to chuckle, the tips of his ears turning red.
His hand once again landed on yours, this time deliberately, the gesture warming you in more than one way.
“Well… I’m nervous. You might be too.” You hummed in agreement. Was that all it was? “But the way you said it, at least it seems to me that it could have been worse, right? More awkward?”
You felt the corners of your lips rise at the remark, shrugging. He had a point there. And he squeezed your hand a bit and good Lord, it should not be making your heart race so much, but he was touching you and he was being really sweet and his fingers were nice and warm and long-
“Tell me.”
You blinked in surprise, realizing you had been staring at your joined hands. You raised your gaze, finding him watching you with a subtle smile.
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me about the most awkward date you have ever been to,” he clarified, his thumb caressing your wrist.
You only hesitated for a beat before you nodded in agreement, god knew why. Perhaps you did need a reminder that this could have gone much more disastrously and it was mostly your traitorous brain telling you that you were messing everything up.
Plus, Steve deserved whatever he wanted – so far, he was the only reason this date wasn’t as disastrous as it could be.
“Okay. You ever been to a speed dating event, Steve? Because I have.”
“Oh, this is ought to be good,” he noted with another squeeze to your hand, before he released you. Shame. He sipped at his wine and dug into his pasta. “I’m all ears.”
This is ought to be good, Steve said. Well, maybe. You certainly hadn’t thought so at the time.
Explaining to Steve that as you had been under duress from no other than Penny, you both went to the event which promised you meeting ten dashing men in only an hour. You’d get five minutes with each, as anonymous as you’d wished to be, receiving a folder with nothing but a table with the first names of the men and a yes and no option and a line for your own notes about them.
You weren’t sure what to think of it – but after three epically failed Tinder attempts, you agreed to try. If nothing else, you’d gain a new experience.
And an experience had it been. You even lasted a month with one of the guys, but you didn’t tell Steve that. It wasn’t important.
André was.
André Whatever-was-his-last-name – because that was how it worked, no last names – definitely believed he was important. With the guys moving around the tables from one woman to another, spending five minutes with each, you could already hear André closing to your station from two tables over.
He was hard to tune out, courtesy of the colour of his voice, extremely unpleasant to your ears, and him never letting the woman he faced talk. Always interrupting. Always turning the conversation around so it would be about him.
Asshole.
You liked to think you weren’t quick to judge people, but André was making you cringe before you were even introduced. And then you actually were.
A minute into his monologue to you, you felt like you were being tortured.
And then the waitress managed to stumble and spill a glass of white wine – partly over your table, but mostly on the floor. At least she caught the glass and you had but a tiny spot on your dress.
“She was apologizing so profusely and I wasn’t thinking, okay. I went for the napkins few tables over to help and— I didn’t realize I put the open folder down for everyone to see,” you explained, feeling like face-palming when you remembered the night.
Steve watched you in anticipation, a small smirk and a knowing look on his face as he guessed you had already circled ‘no’ for André at the time.
Oh, you wished it were that simple. You felt your cheeks burn hot as you continued.
“André read it, of course. Obviously, he already got a hard ‘no’ from me, but… I might have written a tiny note for myself as to why,” you admitted and Steve’s eyebrow rose minutely, his curiosity piqued even more.
You took a deep breath.
“I wasn’t exactly kind to him. It was something along the lines of self-important asshole who probably compensated for something.” Steve huffed in amusement. But oh, if he only knew... you sighed and continued. “And If Draco Malfoy and Gilderoy Lockhart had a love child, this would be him.”
No sound came from your companion this time and your teeth anxiously sank into our lower lip, your pulse wavering. What was Steve thinking? Did he think you had been rude? Mean even? Nerdy? All of the above?
He stared at you for full three seconds, clearly rendered speechless by your harsh judgement.
And then he burst out laughing.
Suffocating weight fell from your shoulders and you silently joined him as you explained yourself.
“I was in my Harry Potter phase! And in my defence, I think it was actually pretty accurate...”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that, sweetheart,” Steve chuckled lightly before laughing some more, irises twinkling with amusement and something… softer.
You shuddered upon hearing the endearment spill unwittingly from his lips, upon seeing the emotion on his face.  And maybe you were a little proud of yourself for making him laugh and lose the tension in his shoulders completely.
“It was one of the longest and most awkward three minutes of my life, the silence that followed,” you huffed, massaging your forehead. “He did not appreciate the comparison.”
“I bet,” Steve cackled, taking another bite of his meal, smile playing in the corner of his lips as he swallowed and continued. “But you’ve got to give it to him, he knew his Harry Potter characters.”
“Ha! My thoughts exactly. But that’s a little bit of weak base for dating, I think, especially since I kinda already hated him.”
“Oh, you did? I didn’t catch that,” Steve joked lightly, causing you to smile despite the horrid memory.
And funnily enough, telling him and remembering it… it did make you feel better and more at ease with him.
“Ha ha ha, laugh it up, Professor. Your turn.”
“I’m sorry?” he said, clearly puzzled. It didn’t escape your notice as his voice faltered, his Adam’s apple bobbing at the addressing.
Oh, so that’ s still a thing. You couldn’t but smirk a bit at that.
“An awkward date. You have to share now, it’s only fair,” you shrugged, only for a terrible realization to dawn on you. “Please tell me there is at least one awkward date story, Steve. Tell me this isn’t really your worst date ever.”
He shook his head with a soft chuckle.
“Oh, there’s plenty. I’m just trying to think about one that won’t scare you away from me. I’d hate that.”
One corner of his lips raised, he looked you up and down, lingering on your lips for a bit before meeting your gaze, something you could only hope was fondness and wanton in his eyes. Your breath hitched, heat pooling in your abdomen at the thorough onceover despite the gentle tone of his voice.
Fuck how could he make you feel hot and soft at the same time.
Unable to stand the intensity of his stare, you lowered your gaze and gulped, your stomach making an excited slip. He did want you. You had been being silly, letting your nerves get the better of you.
Clearing your throat, you willed yourself to look up, finding him still watching closely – and perhaps, there was a hint of a red to his cheeks, the tip of his ears burning as if despite the blatant flirting, he was unsure of himself too, because he didn’t want to mess up with you either.
You found it absolutely endearing and your heart swelled. The way you got to see there was more to him than his professor side and his dashing looks… you felt incredibly lucky. The more you got to interact with him, the more it wasn’t just your sinful thoughts belonging to him – he was quickly working on stealing your heart as well.
Plucking up your courage, you were the one to reach out this time, carefully sweeping your thumb over the back of his hand, smiling.
“I’m not scared off all that easily, Steve.”
He mirrored your genuine smile, a glint of something you couldn’t read lighting up his eyes.
“That’s good to know,” he said lowly and sighed, narrowing his eyes as if he was assessing you again. “Alright, here goes…”
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You actually managed to get one more awkward date story from Steve, because frankly, his experiences were hilarious. And surprise surprise, he was a great narrator. Plus, while he talked, you could ogle him shamelessly without fear of looking strange.
But you guessed that since you were on a date, you could ogle him anyway. He didn’t seem to mind; in fact, whenever he got the opportunity, he reciprocated it. It finally did feel like a date, the air growing thicker as you gradually shifted closer and closer, the light touches prolonging, feet meeting under the table without parting as soon as they made contact.
Your belly kept warming up with each smile and laugh, with every second of the intense eye contact, with every flicker of his gaze to your lips and vice versa. Sharing a dessert was a terrible idea, because you wanted kiss the crumbs sticking on his lips away. You teased each other, you complimented each other – with Steve absolutely winning the undeclared contest – and you realized that despite sharing your most embarrassing dates with each other at the beginning, this was the absolute best you had ever been to.
And you didn’t want it to end.
The light sweater you had brought with you did nothing to shield you from the surprisingly lukewarm wind. As you wandered the streets, Steve finally heard out one of your first thoughts you had had when meeting him today – he shrugged off his suit jacket.
Which… yum. The seams of his shirt were crying for help and you could only think fo one way of helping them – taking his shirt off too. But alas, Steve didn’t continue the striptease, probably because you were on the street. Instead, he did the most wholesome thing and held out the jacket for you to slip into.
You only hesitated a moment, teeth sinking into your lower lip. How could you say no to that?
“That’s awfully cliché and really sweet at the same time,” you muttered, causing him to shrug, one corner of his lips raised in a smirk as he helped you put it on, forefinger most definitely deliberately caressing the side of your throat before withdrawing.
A shudder ran down your spine, electrifying feeling going straight to your core. The whiff of whatever cologne he was wearing enveloped you, clouding your senses. Goddammit he smelled so good.
“Maybe I just want to see you in my clothes,” he hummed, the suggestive remark knocking the breath straight out of your lungs.
Stepping to your side from behind your back, you caught a glimpse of his expression – a little bit smug, a little bit panicked as it probably registered with him just how much suggestive it was, perhaps crossing a line.
It was absolutely not crossing the line, because the thought of wearing his clothes, preferably grabbing it because you couldn’t find yours after you threw it all around the room as you frantically stripped each other was making your head spin in the best way.
“Maybe I’d really enjoy wearing your clothes after you rip off mine.”
Steve’s jaw went slack, a choked noise leaving him and you couldn’t but laugh at his dumbstruck expression. Surprise, professor, you little shit. I can keep up.
“That was… mean,” he said, clearing his throat. Your eyebrows rose, pot calling the kettle back style. “But I see how I deserved that.”
“Damn right… but that doesn’t mean it’s a lie,” you shrugged, chuckling at the exasperated look he shot you.
‘Man, she’s gonna fuck you up on a whole new level and I’ll be here for it in the front row with a bowl of popcorn,’ Barnes’ words to Steve which you weren’t meant to hear echoed in your head, making you grin.
The teasing was intense, yet you felt comfortable in it. You blamed Steve and his nature – he already felt like a guy to go lengths to make you feel at ease enough; the way he had kept insisting on you choosing whether this was a date or not only proved it. He made it easy to be yourself, making you feel like you could.
And he made it perfectly clear that he was enjoying seeing you like that, that he appreciated you as you were.
But the closer you got to the campus, the more the reality was settling in, your laughter fading, butterflies and heat replaced by anxiety. He was still a professor. If you went for it, it wouldn’t always be uncomplicated like this. The awkwardness crept in as your steps grew slower, the inevitable arriving.
He couldn’t walk you home, to walk you to the dorm, even if the desire to do so radiated from every fibre of his being. He couldn’t do that for the same reason he hadn’t picked you up.
You came to a stop, feeling like there was this invisible border to a safe, students-free part of the city, the line you couldn’t cross side by side.
“So, uhm… this is it, huh?” Steve hummed, grim. You appreciated the lame attempt at a smile though and reciprocated, turning to face him.
“Looks like it.”
Heavy silence settled over you pair. Your eyes trailed all over him, lingering on his face, noting as he did the same. He was beautiful; you didn’t care you should say that about a man. He was. The light in his eyes dimmed compared to that just a few moments ago, but it was still there, expression soft, almost as soft as his beard looked, causing your fingers to twitch in need to run them over it and pull him in for a kiss.
Your lips tingled as the idea. You had never kissed a man with a beard and you wanted to know how it felt. The fact it was Steve only sealed the deal and made the need grow exponentially.
You wanted to kiss him so bad. But here you stood, unable to move, unable to speak. You sighed.
“Would you-“ “I want to-“
“Sorry,” you and him said at the same time again, laughing it off quietly, your fingers running through your hair.
Your stomach clenched when you noticed his eyes following the movement almost wistfully.
“You go first,” he prompted you gently.
You didn’t argue – if you learned one thing tonight, it was that Steve was a gentleman and that was so rare these days that you wouldn’t want to discourage him from being that way. Even if you really wanted to know what he was about to say, as soon as possible.
“I… I just want to say thank you. For the… for the date. I had a good time, so I hope you had too, at least a little,” you offered lamely, feeling blood rushing to your cheeks.
Like a schoolgirl blushing in front of her professor. Jesus, why were you being like this again.
Steve didn’t seem to find you as awkward as you felt however, your name slipping from his lips, kind and soft.
“I had a very good time. You’re amazing.” Your lips parted at the blatant and genuine compliment. His eyes went wide. “I’m sorry, that came out so strong, I didn’t mean to put you in spot like that-“
Stronger than ‘maybe I just want to see you in my clothes?’ you asked yourself. No, you didn’t think so. It was just that the playfulness had left at least two blocks back.
This felt more serious. More intimate.
“Ditto,” you whispered, gracing him with a shy smile he instantly mirrored. “But hey, I already knew that, so…”
He chuckled, shaking his head lightly, his smile only growing. When he looked at you again, his eyes were the beautiful warm blue that made you weak in the knees.
“Would you like to do something like that again?” he queried lowly.
Yes. YES. YES PLEASE. Minus the awkwardness at the beginning and the one a moment ago, preferably.  
“Yeah. I’d like that,” you agreed simply, taking note of how his face lit up even more.
How could a man be so indescribably hot and yet adorable enough to tug at your heartstrings?
“Good. I’m glad.”
He tugged at your hand unexpectedly, pulling you to your left, his other hand steadying you by gently grasping your forearm.
Before you could question his actions, a pair of men swaying in a drunken haze passed you, having no care in the world for whom they might crash into.
“Thanks,” blurted out lowly, sparing a second to shoot their backs a dirty glare.
But Steve’s hands were still on you, distracting, as you stood face to face, chest to chest, a little too close, a little too far. Your heart sped up in your ribcage, breathing picking up in anticipation. So close…
But all Steve did was to squeeze your forearm reassuringly, lifting your joined hands to his face.
Just like the day you agreed to get coffee with him, he kissed your knuckles, only this time it was much firmer. His smile was sweet and utterly irresistible as he kept looking at your face and you felt all the worries about the future melt away once again.
He was so precious and this felt so right and--- you didn’t want him to kiss your hand.
Well, you wanted it, but you wanted more too.
You had been aching to kiss that mouth since you had first set eyes on him, on that inhumanly gorgeous and hot creature. You were on a date, you both had a great time and clearly he was giving you the opportunity to decide how far you wanted to take this, because as much as every little touch of his made to crazy, the displays of affection were positively chaste.
And you wanted to take it very very far.
Your rational brain wouldn’t let you just hop into sac with him today, but fuck, you could do with a kiss. You wanted to feel that perfectly trimmed beard of his and you wanted to taste him.
Did he?
You stepped even closer as he let go of your hand, distracting you minutely; due to the sudden proximity, it landed on his chest and Jesus fucking Christ he was firm.
Your fingers clutched at the white fabric of his shirt as you observed his face, your gaze inevitably flickering to his lips. Glancing up once more to find him still watching you intently, pupils dilated, your breath caught in your throat, heat stirring in your belly.
Rising to your tiptoes, you gripped the fabric tighter and shortly pressed your lips to his.
It was a funny feeling – lips hot, soft and slightly chapped, a stark contrast to the beard, less rough than you expected, leaving a tingly sensation behind. It was different; exciting and addicting. Before he could react and before you could think twice, you kissed him again, this time lingering for a few seconds, your eyelids falling shut.
Your heart fluttered when you felt his lips reluctantly respond just as you withdrew, his grip on your arm tightening. You ran your tongue over your lips to savour the feeling, mouth instinctively curling up in a smile, gaze meeting his.
Little wrinkles appeared around his eyes as he smiled as well.
“You okay?”
You nodded, almost too eagerly, lowering back to your whole feet. Involuntarily, your gaze flickered to his mouth again, wanting more.
“Uhm… beard,” you piped up unhelpfully, pressing your lips together as soon as the admission left them.
Steve’s smile widened as he once again grasped your hand, leading it to cup his face – not before he dropped a kiss to your palm.
You almost let out a very embarrassing whine at the curious sensation, your mind, still enveloped in Steve’s warmth and cologne, wondering how the beard would feel elsewhere.
Your fingers unwittingly caressed the hair, thumb brushing his lips, unable to resist.
His Adam’s apple bobbed, lips parting, hot breath fanning over your skin as watched you.
“Sweetheart,” he breathed out and that was it – you pressed against the soft swollen flesh at the pet name, causing a low grumble echo in Steve’s chest.
And then his hand slid to your waist, the other sinking into your hair, and he pulled up into a kiss that had nothing to do with how patient he had been before. He was still a gentleman, but it was a close call – he angled your head to his liking, his lips dancing with yours in a sensual dance with just a tease of tongue licking at the seam of your lips, causing you to sigh in bliss, granting him access.
He hummed appreciatively, the sound shaking your bones as he held you flat against him, the heat of his body seeping into yours – as if every nerve ending in your body wasn’t on fire already. He breathed you in, consumed you entirely – there were no other words for it.
There weren’t many words you could think of to begin with, too busy feeling his broad shoulders under your palm, fingers roaming to find the soft hair at his nape, revelling at the taste of him, just a smidge of tongue and you wanted more, your insides twisting in need--- and oh, your back was pressed against a wall now.
You let out a small startled sound which Steve instantly swallowed – but it was a good wake up call for you both. The motions of his lips slowed, softened, a gentle caress more than anything, his thumb stroking your cheek.
Breathless, you chased after his mouth when he retreated, earning one small peck and then another. He rested his forehead against yours, nose briefly skimming yours, causing you to smile and meet his gaze.
“Sorry,” he muttered and you genuinely wanted to slap his arm or something for apologizing for that. Because you knew what you’d be thinking about for the next few hours, days even, hell, probably weeks. “For springing out like that. I just… wanted to do that for a long time.”
The admission had your heart skip a beat and you couldn’t but lean in to kiss the corner of his mouth – and nope, you weren’t over how it felt, his beard against your lips. You wouldn’t be over it for a long time, you suspected.
“Me too.”
“So… we’re doing this again, right?“
You smirked up at him as he reluctantly released you. “You springing out like that or-“
“Don’t test me, babygirl,” he nearly growled, causing your eyes going wide as saucers, feeling as if you were sucker punched to your gut – and liked it.
Babygirl. Jesus, he was going to be the death of you.
“You can spring out like that again too,” you chimed, your voice sounding a bit strangled, because holy shit he just called you that. His gaze flickered all over your face, a shade darker than before. Your underwear was thoroughly ruined with that single look… and the earlier make-out session. “But if we’re talking second dates, I’d definitely do that too.”
He huffed and shook his head, a chuckle escaping him.
“You’re a minx…. I think I like it.”
You grinned at him and then sighed regretfully, reaching to slip off the jacket, which made him frown.
“You could give it back later.”
“Don’t tempt me… don’t want to rob you of it--- and there would be questions,” you explained, knowing that even walking around the campus like what would raise rumours of god knew what.
Like, maybe someone would think some gentleman like Professor Steve Rogers himself lent it to you or something, gee, where would that come from...
Steve nodded in understanding, accepting the jacket and shrugging it on.
“Plus, I’m thoroughly warmed up,” you added cheekily, causing him to chuckle incredulously again. With a sigh, he leaned in, cradling your jaw in one large hand and pressed a sweet lingering kiss to your forehead.
You could melt on spot.
“Goodnight, sweetheart. Let me know when you get home safe?” he asked of you gently, tugging at your heartstrings some more, because of course he did.
“I will. You too?”
His smile was soft and sweet as he promised to do so, clearly touched by your care. Well, that made two of you.
“Goodnight, Steve. Thank you for tonight.”
“Thank you.”
You breathed in deeply, dropping a last kiss to his cheek and quickly spun on your heels to walk away – because if you wavered a second longer, you might have not left at all.
Sure, you looked back at him several times, finding him standing where you had left him, his eyes following your receding figure. But you kept walking.
And once you couldn’t see him anymore, you broke into a fit of giggles, hiding your face in your palms to muffle your delighted squeal.
You were just coming back to the dorms from the date with Steve Rogers.
And despite the hiccups, it was the best damn thing in the world, leaving you giddy and already craving another date and more. Your cheeks hurt from smiling by the time you made it to the dorms, your heart pounding excitedly the whole time.
As promised, you let Steve know you made there safe, earning another text with a heart. It only made you squeal again, fingers frantic as you replied – and with a kiss for goodnight so he knew you truly enjoyed your night, ending included.
What he didn’t know was that maybe, just maybe, the next evening you wrote a tiny story in which you elaborated at what could happen if he ever pushed you against a wall and kissed your breathless ever again.
And hopefully, he would.
Soon.
⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰
Attached masterlist
⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰
...how it happened? I was asked about the first date, very kindly and in a no pressure manner.
S: Hey, just out of curiosity, you don’t really have to answer… how do you imagine their first date went?
me: Hm, let me think, I guess, mm, it would be like this--- oh shit. Oh no. It’s gonna be a fic again, isn’t it? Maybe I could finally write a headcanon or a drabble--- sigh.
As if I could ever.
Thank you for reading :-*
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stephspurs · 3 years
Text
A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction
Hi besties!! here is the long awaited part 9!! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did whilst writing it!! a big thank you goes to @emwritesfootball for proofing this part & making sure its up to scratch for all of you lovely readers! Let me know what you think babes hehehe!! Love Always, Steph xx
Part 9. | nona parte
word count; 2006. writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. next update; Friday 13/08 5pm AEST. Updates are three times/week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday)! tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven link to fic masterlist here
The season kicked off in the middle of August and Amelia had been more than prepared for her first match in the premier league. She spent day after day analysing the players in the first team, introducing them to the magical world of rehearsed tactics. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for the brilliant girl; she had to learn how to implement the plays coupled with the speed of the game. But so far, so good. Chelsea have been winning and her plays have been working, the boys were getting the hang of it - no matter how apprehensive they were at the start.
Jorgi played a big part in demonstrating the success of the play, performing best in his midfield role to guide the game and direct the change in play to his teammates. By the time they had played a few fixtures, they had really gotten the hang of her approach to set pieces and began to put their trust in the young girl. They were starting to see results and wanted to keep the winning streak going while they could. The fourth fixture in the new season was one that Amelia was looking forward to, personally: Chelsea v Aston Villa, Stamford Bridge, 3pm kick off.
Jack and Amelia had grown closer and closer, FaceTime‘dates’ as Jack would call them, a weekly occurrence. She had spoken to him just as much as she had spoken to Jorgi - and they were still carpooling to and from Cobham together. Her friendship with Jack was full of easy conversation and flirtatious banter, teetering over the line of friendship but being that they were kept physically apart, the friendship line remained largely intact. One person that had drifted even further away from her, despite her believing that it couldn't be possible, was Ben Chilwell.
Every time she walked into a room that he was in, if he didn't have to be there he would immediately leave. Amelia didn’t understand what the problem was. Yeah sure, they were flirty together in Mykonos but they never crossed a line together, no matter how many times the wine went straight to their heads. If anything, she should be the one running away from him. She was the one who sent him a couple of messages here and there that he just opened. She spoke to Mason, Jorgi, Billy Gilmour - who was another one of the boys she had developed a strong friendship with - and all of them insisted they didn’t understand their friend's strange behaviour.
On the evening before the Villa match, Amelia was laying on the couch in her townhouse binge watching yet another docu-series on Netflix when her doorbell rang. This was strange, most people that came past the house these days had their own set of keys (her parents, her brother, Jorgi) or they texted to let her know they were outside. Her townhouse was three stories high, so if she was upstairs on the top level vacuuming the chances of her hearing the door were slim to none. Either way, she got up off of her loveseat  and walked to the front door, peeking through the peephole - she lived in London, alone, she wasn’t opening that door until she knew exactly who was on the other side.
______________________________________________________________
“To what do I owe this visit, Benjamin?”
“Hi, Mils.”
“Wow, nickname basis already - I thought only friends called each other by their nicknames.”
“Did you think we weren’t friends?”
“Well, friends don’t treat friends the way you’ve treated me since the evening I left Mykonos.”
With a sigh, Ben looked down at his feet. I did feel a small bit of guilt for that one, but he deserved it. Continuing to find the cracks in the marble step of my door’s threshold more interesting than facing my expression, I took a step back and forced Ben to look up at me.
“Well, are you going to come inside? I’ve got the kettle on and a really good series going that I would like to get back to.”
With a charming smile, Ben took a step forward, took the door handle out of my hand and shut it behind him. Slipping out of his shoes, he followed me down the short hallway to my kitchen and pulled a seat out at the island bench.
“So, really now - why are you here? Nervous about tomorrow?” I questioned as I took two cups out of the cupboard and brewed one tea for him, one coffee for me. 3 years in Italy and coffee in the evening became the norm for me. It was my comfort drink.
“I’m here to apologise for the way I've been acting towards you for the past six weeks. I’ll be honest, I don’t know why I’ve been like this”
“Cut the crap Ben, you know exactly why you’ve been doing it. Now tell me the truth or, as far as I'm concerned, you never came here tonight and tomorrow we will be back to how we were yesterday - you running away from me and me pretending that it doesn't bother me. Even though all it does is bother me.” Not expecting that outburst to come out of me, and to be fair neither did I, Ben looked me in the eye and stayed silent, choosing his next words carefully.
“The first time I saw you, the night you told your brother off in the rec room at St. George’s Park, I thought you were the most determined woman I had ever seen in my life. Not scared of the 30 grown men who were very obviously all on the same side, literally. Then the next time I saw you, after the final match, how you comforted your brother when you were at the highest of highs and he was lower than low, I thought you had more compassion than every person in that stadium put together.”
“When you came to SGP again the next day and delivered the tactical analysis of the game you won, I thought ‘wow she is so intellectually brilliant’. And then when you turned up in Mykonos, all sunkissed and relaxed, sitting next to me and involving me in conversation with my pals but making me feel like you wanted my contribution...I remember it like it was yesterday. Amelia, you smiled at me and my heart did a somersault in my chest.”
“You shut me down outside the club that evening, and when we came back inside I caught the end of your conversation with Jorgi about Fede. Putting two and two together, I understood all that I needed to. The few days after that we carried on like normal. Then, you left and I didn't know if I would ever see you again to be fair. When you messaged me, I got too nervous to reply because I didn't know how to just be your friend. And then when I thought I had finally gotten through a day without thinking about my friend's little sister, you showed up at Cobham as my tactical analyst. I didn’t know what to do Mils, I don't know how to be just your friend when I've had nothing but unfriendly thoughts about you since the first time I saw you command that room of men you had never met in your life.”
The whistle of the kettle ringing out behind me is the only noise filling the kitchen. I’m staring at Ben; he’s staring back at me with nothing but truth behind his eyes and his heart on his sleeve.
“Benj, what you were feeling, what you are feeling is totally valid and I never want you to feel like you can’t share those feelings with me. You’re right, Mykonos changed things for me. What you were feeling was reciprocated, but Ben, I was going back to Italy. At that exact moment, I had no idea I would end up here. I thought I was enjoying a break before another high-intensity season in Italy. I wanted to kiss you so badly at the club that night, but I knew it would only hurt you. I’m used to being hurt, it's a feeling I've grown to expect. But you, you’re too pure to experience the kind of hurt that comes along with knowing you’re making a bad decision, but doing it anyway, because I wanted to be selfish with your heart.”
“Amelia, can I ask you something?” I nodded, holding my breath as I braced myself for the question poised behind his eyes. “If you were in the mood to be selfish, what would have come from that evening?”
“I can probably show you better than I can tell you,”
Walking around the island bench, I pulled the back of Ben’s chair slightly so he pivoted towards me. Standing in between his tracksuit-covered legs, I ran both hands up his arms until I got to his neck and finally beside his face. Threading my fingers through his hair, I pulled his face towards mine and our lips met. It was as soft as a butterfly kiss but as powerful as anything I had ever felt before. His hands wound around my waist and settled themselves on the small of my back before travelling down and giving my backside a gentle caress, forcing a laugh out of my lips and straight into his mouth. Pulling away slightly, so we both had a bit of breathing space to sort out our lightheadedness, Ben spoke his next words very softly.
“I need you to promise me something, Amelia.You need to promise me that you will stop thinking about my heart before your own. I am old enough to make my own decisions, and the decision to ignore you for these past few weeks has been one of the worst ones I've made in a really long time. But I did make it, and it was because I got scared, and I hurt you, and I am so sorry. The decision to come here tonight however, I feel like it more than makes up for that one very very stupid one”
“You’re such a smooth talker, Benj.”
“Say my name again, Mils, you don’t know what it does to me.”
“Down boy, your tea is going cold and I need to find out who killed Sophie in West Cork.Meet me in the lounge.”
A few hours had passed and it was nearing 10pm, well past Amelia’s bed time, but Ben was still sitting on her couch, feet on the table (despite her telling him to remove them) and arm around the back of her shoulders.
“Chilly, I don’t want you to think I'm not interested in you because I so am, I just don’t want to rush into anything. What I left behind in Italy was complicated and heavy; I'm still trying to learn how to exist without him if I'm honest. I want you to just give me the space I need to grow into my own here in the city, if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course it's okay, Mils. From what Jorgi has told me about Fede, I can understand why you want to take it slow now. But please, don’t call me Chilly. My friends call me Chilly, and Mills. I thought I made it clear before that I don’t want to be your friend.”
“To me, you’re Benj. Thank you. Wait - what do you mean what Jorgi has told you about Fede?”
“I may have asked a couple times about you, and for the record, he is team Bamelia.”
“Bamelia? That is the ugliest word I have ever heard. Never use it again.”
“How can it be ugly? It's mostly your name, and nothing associated with you could ever be considered anything less than beautiful.”
“Stop being so smooth Benj, you’re going to make me blush in a minute.”
“Good, can’t wait to see how you could possibly look even cuter than you do right now.”
“That’s enough Benjamin.”
“Okay I’m done now.”
Part 10. | parte dieci
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astaroth1357 · 4 years
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I love reading your how to guide they're fun to read and I was wondering if you do a how to be the brother's sugar mama 🤣
So I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sure Lucifer would let you be his Sugar Mama over his actual dead body so... I did a Sugar Baby instead. If you really want me to write the Sugar Mama, message me and I wiiilllll but I think it’s more of a stretch then I was comfortable taking otherwise. But if we're doing this at all, we're going to have to do it NSFW people. It’s going to be sort of unavoidable either way, so strap in cause I sure did.
How to be a Demon's Sugar Baby
Make the Most of Your Bartered Soul!
Well, well, well this is quite the arrangement you've made with the forces of Hell now, isn't it?  There's nothing wrong with expecting a full return on your investment since you did give away your soul for this so it's time to enjoy that compensation! While we're sure that you're ready to be spoiled rotten by your beloved demon, there are going to be certain things expected of you in order to keep that affection flowing. In our guide, How to be a Demon's Sugar Baby, we will give you insight into what kind of actions you should expect to perform as well as the benefits you can receive when you start pampering your dearest demon! Always remember, love isn't material, but having good stuff is really nice regardless!
ATTENTION: This guide contains material not suitable for all workplaces. Reader's discretion advised.
Lucifer
What a wonderful selection for this kind of relationship because this demon is loaded! You need not worry about asking for too much. Whatever your heart's desire, Lucifer can provide.
HOWEVER… He's not a very generous demon. Every cent that he gives you, you will have to earn. The man isn't in the business of giving handouts, even to cuties like yourself.
Lucifer can be a demanding Sugar Daddy for sure. He will expect you to be ready for him at the drop of a hat. One text, one call, even a passing mention of your name, and you should be there. No questions asked or you will be punished.
It pays to be astute with Lucifer, too. If you're good, then he shouldn't even have to command you. One step in the room and you should know just what to do and how he's going to want it. Though remember, even if he doesn't say much, he's in control here.
There will be times where he's not looking for a little release and just needs some relaxation. You'll, of course, be expected to provide for that too: back rubs, tea, and pleasant conversation are all options you should get acquainted with very quickly.
Understand this now, anything short of perfection is not tolerated. If he's taking you anywhere, you're going to have to look/be amazing Every. Time. He'll make sure you'll have everything for it, but there's going to be no slacking off with him. Ever.
If you're looking to satisfy Lucifer, you won't just be a side piece or arm candy. You will be a trophy and he will spoil you like one.
Mammon
So maybe you don't like your Sugar Daddy with a lot of cash, but just the inability to say "no" to you in nearly any capacity…? Then Mammon's is your perfect pick!
True, it may not be wise to choose a Sugar Daddy who seems chronically without sugar to give but if there's any gambler in you then Mammon can be a near constant rush.
His highs are your highs, if he's out gambling then he'll want you on his arm or in his lap for good luck. Cheer him on and sprinkle in a bit of teasing because he's positive he makes better bets when he feels on top of the world.
If he makes a killing, then it's an all night celebration. He may even cover you in the Grimm just to enjoy how it looks. You won't stay like that very long though, because he'll need to have his way with you quite a few times before the sun comes up.
Don't fret, most of that money that he makes is going to go towards you anyway. You won't have to worry about him putting his bills over his Sugar (even if it's ill-advised).
Do remember that Mammon is a cheapskate at heart, but you shouldn't have any trouble bypassing that if there's something you want. Flash him some big, watery eyes and he'll cave every time until he goes broke again...
And then his lows are your lows… But if you still show him kindness and compassion even when he's flat broke, we guarantee he will never leave your side.
Leviathan 
Are you an otaku/gamer/geek who wants copious amounts of that sweet, sweet merch and a little love on the side? Then you also want Levi.
Just know that this demon is desperate for love in his life so you'll be busy on most days. Levi needs to be lavished in attention: cuddles, pets, kisses, and probably more sex than you can process. He's veeery pent up...
Thankfully, he stays in his room all the time so you can do whatever you like away from prying eyes! Which is good, because he tends to get adventurous when he's confident. There won't be a spot in his room you two have not been before.
Like Mammon, Levi's going to need a cheerleader as much as he does a lover. Nothing is quite like starting a competitive match with someone very vocally in your corner.
We do hope you like anime, video games, or general geekry because he won't tolerate indifference. You need not have memorized the entirety of the TSL Extended Compendium, but you should at least be able to identify his favorite characters or scenes in anything he watches. You won't last long otherwise.
If you can then consider the entirety of Akuzon's wares to be yours. You'll only need to ask. If there's any particular series that you enjoy, expect its merch to be gifted to you whenever he sees it. He'll have very little self-control (especially if it's all for you).
Truthfully, we have no idea where Levi gets his money so just don’t question how he keeps buying you so many things... It's probably some shady cryptocurrency or black market type stuff so we recommend you stay out of his finances, lest you learn something you regret...
Satan 
Ah, an intellectual are you? Not satisfied with just a fancy new car or a designer handbag? Do you need the very best that the world has to offer? The most beautiful, artistic, and thought-provoking goods you can find?? Then really your only choice is Satan.
… But do you like pets? We sincerely hope you like pets…
In truth, Satan will want two things from you: some stimulating conversation and a little pet play.
This is very much a "gentleman by day" arrangement. He'll be sure to treat you to very nice things all the time: wine tastings, art shows, even red carpet events thanks to his connections.
He won't mind taking you anywhere as long as you can engage that brain of his. Abstract conversations or discussions about hard topics will earn you even better trips the next time around...
But "by night" you will have a nickname, a collar, and probably a tail plug too. This man is bound and determined to have a cat and he does not care how.
If the idea of crawling for him makes you want to save face then don't worry. You needn't be an obedient kitty, not even for him.
In fact, he'd much prefer you act out from time to time because if there's one thing he likes more than cats, it's brats. Be cute for him and maybe he'll go easy on you if you like.
Asmodeus 
Do you like shopping? Just, the act of shopping in general? Do you want someone who won't just sign a check but shop with you? Asmo's the man.
He loves shopping and he loves shopping for you! He won't just stand outside the dressing room on his phone, he'll be a very active participant in making you happy.
A veeerrry active participant… Everywhere… Probably including that dressing room…
You need to understand now that Asmo is insatiable. Whatever you believe a high sex drive is, double it and then you will get Asmo on a Tuesday.
He's giving. Very giving in fact, in money and in bed, but that won't change that he is a monster. His stamina is unreal, his desire is unmatched, and assuming that you are not an incarnation of Aphrodite herself You. Will. Not. Keep. Up.
If you choose to be with Asmo it will be a hellish bliss. You will be pampered like royalty on a sea of euphoria until the tide overtakes you and you drown.
If this warning isn't enough to dissuade you, we wish you the best of luck. Asmo may bring you to the greatest highs of your life, but he very much can be the death of you too...
Beelzebub 
You know, food can be expensive. Especially if you have a bit of an appetite… If an endless food supply is what you're after, then you need Beel in your life!
He'll always be down to go out and try new foods or take you to whatever restaurant you like (provided he's eating there too, of course).
Considering the amount that he eats there's no way you can top his bill so order as much as you like! You'll get through what? Four? Five courses? He'll get cut off around 12.
Restaurants aside, food will be mostly what Beel expects from you so we do hope you like cooking. Cuddles and kisses are well and good but this demon needs to eat.
Speaking of which… Truthfully, being with Beel is almost just like a normal relationship but there's just one catch….
Beel is practically an oral addict. He will want to get a taste of you and once he does you ought to resign yourself to being his new fix. 
A session with Beel is not for the faint of heart. He can be down there for hours and won't stop even if you're a drooling, overstimulated wreck. His aftercare is sweet but it's a hell of a journey getting there. Be warned.
Belphegor
So maybe all these other options just sound like too much work... You want a Sugar Daddy, but someone who's on the laidback side, right? Introducing Belphegor.
Belphie is a man of simple pleasures. A quiet afternoon, a long nap, and maybe a game or some mischief in the middle of the night. You won't have to worry about doing very much because he won't be conscious very long...
He will, however, get his money's worth in the hours that he's awake.
Belphegor is a lazy soul, so don't expect him to put much work into things. His favorite tactic will be to get you so frustrated that you jump him. Then he can just sit back and enjoy the fun with a smug smile on his face…
If you're not riding him in some way then you're probably going to be his new pillow. He will find a way to sleep on you in every position possible until he finds a favorite and just sticks to that.
As far as what he offers, Belphie will pretty much just toss money in your direction and leave it up to you to spend it. He’s not a shopping man...
In the rare cases that he does go out and buy you a gift take it as a compliment. You’ve motivated him to leave the House for longer than twenty minutes so you must be exactly what he was after.
For more of my “How Tos...” check out my Masterlist!
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so since you're gonna do the avatar!mc au with the entities you think each brother would fear the most (SO excited for that btw, my friend can attest to the fact that i've basically been rambling about tma x om nonstop since the first post you made that put the two together), i'd love to hear your thoughts on which entity each brother would *be* an avatar of, if you're cool with sharing! personally i love the ideas of specifically vast!levi and dark!belphie but i'd love to hear your takes on the concept! <3
So because of how time works, despite receiving this ask on July 12, by the time you see this it’ll be August! So the entire Avatar!MC series should be out by now, which I hope you will/have enjoy/ed. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of Vast! Levi, which I’ve talked about before (as you know ;) ), but I will happily ramble about it again!
These aren’t gonna be short fics though bc I do Yearn to save that energy for The Longfic, which is still in the planning stages because a) I can’t pick a timeline, and b) trying to match up the timelines of Obey Me and TMA is hard, especially when I tend to have a violent disrespect for actually paying attention to the timing of plot events in both. I already fucked up a part of the plotting because I forgot the order we get pacts with the brothers lmao
Content warnings: Mentions/allusions to tma-typical Spookies, yet another installation of my Cursed Crossover idea, lengthy debates about what makes someone choose to become an avatar of fear, spoilers for Lesson 16+ of Obey Me and S5 of TMA
What Entity Do I Think The Brothers Would Serve? (Cursed TMA x Obey Me Crossover)
Lucifer
So I put him as falling victim to the Eye/Beholding bc of his whole thing about Secrets and Pride being about wanting control over your own image
And he does have a creepy tendency in canon to always know when his brothers are up to some Dumb Shit
BUT! You know what we see in Lucifer’s character that we see in a certain Entity?
A simultaneous manipulation of others and submission to being manipulated by a higher power
That’s right, I think Luci would be a Web avatar
But Winter, Lucifer wouldn’t wanna take marching orders from someone/thing else! He’s too proud for that— You’re right! He doesn’t want to. But he will.
He willingly submitted himself and his family to Diavolo for eternity to get what he wanted (saving Lilith)
And from how much we see him work, it’s safe to say that he’s a pretty damn essential part of running the Devildom
If he really wanted to, he could probably successfully pull a coup on Diavolo
But he doesn’t, because he’s trapped himself by his own honour code
Thus, the sexual tension bromance we all know and love/insist is Deeply Problematic and blacklist (depending on how much you like/hate dialuci lol)
10/10, would fill with spiders again
Mammon
I put Mammon as falling victim to the Buried for pretty obvious reasons
But admittedly picking a fear he’d serve is trickier
I had to get a bit abstract with it, but I think the Hunt might suit him
Not necessarily the primal *cough* and police brutality *cough* parts of the Hunt tho
More like how Basira was considered an avatar of the Hunt in the fearpocalypse because of her mission/promise to Daisy
See, Greed can stem from fear
Fear of losing what you have, of no longer being able to support yourself, of being preyed upon by others
So people become greedy as a defense mechanism, to protect what they have
If they’re on the offensive, they won’t be targeted
Also, if you’re constantly pursuing more more more, there’s no time to think about anything else
Like consequences, or guilt, or Feelings
If Mammon let his little tough guy act go too far for too long, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say he could start heading down the path to avatarhood
After all, people pay big money for hitmen and bounty hunters…
Leviathan
As I said last time, I can see why people would associate Levi with the Lonely first: he’s a shut in, he acts like he wants nothing to do with people/would rather be alone, and I get it
BUT! All of that actually stems from the fact that Levi has terrible self-esteem and thinks he deserves to be this gross shut in loser
While envy can make you want to bring others down to your level, so to speak, Levi tends to just shun “normies”, not actively conspire to sabotage them
He actually does crave understanding and to have people in his life, he just doesn’t know how to go about it
Boy’s got Mega Social Anxiety is what I’m saying (funny how both the Lonely and the Eye can be real bad for that, huh)
But the Vast? Nihilism? Takes all the pressure off
If everyone is a small, insignificant speck in the face of an uncaring, unfathomably large cosmos, who cares what you do? Who cares what people think of you?
Yeah, you’d be kinda weird too if you stared into the infinite abyss of the ocean and realized it was just the maw of a gargantuan sea monster too, Karen, lay off
Plus aesthetically, the great Awful Deep most people fear in the ocean is a comfort to Levi
And again, THE VAST IS MORE THAN JUST THE SKY
I WENT ON A BOAT ONCE
LIKE REAL FAR OUT, SO I COULDN’T SEE LAND FOR DAYS
IT WAS JUST ENDLESS B L U E
AND I WAS ON A CRUISE IN THE CARIBBEAN
I SAW A FRACTION OF THE OCEAN’S S U R F A C E AND IT WAS I M M E N S E
Did you know we’ve only explored like 5% or whatever of our oceans? Think about that! Every Single Thing we know about what’s in there is just the tip of the iceberg!!! GOD KNOWS WHAT’S DOWN THERE!!! PROBABLY FUCKED UP FISH IS WHAT
*ahem* anyway, fishee
Satan
Another tricky boi
I marked him down as fearing the Desolation, as a reflection of what he fears most in himself
I probably could have also gone with Slaughter, but I’d say that’s more baby/early-Satan
Desolation is also about destruction of potential, and Satan has very carefully built himself into a non-rage-monster person
So tearing that all away from him is :)))
But what would Satan give himself over to?
Ceaseless Watcher, I want that twink OBLITERATED—
Satan clings to knowledge and erudition to distance himself from the rage he was born as
“Watch and learn” is literally how he became a person
I find it deeply funny that it could also easily be how he becomes a monster once again
Also if you think the avatar of Wrath wouldn’t have a use for supernatural blackmail you’re just straight up incorrect
Couple that with Satan’s various connections and he’d be a Force to Reckon With
Asmodeus
I put him as a victim of the Corruption bc I found it extremely fitting considering the duality of his romanticized image vs the “dirty” fluid-filled nature of Lust.
Lust can be really nasty, but as licentious as Asmo’s supposed to be, he’s surprisingly coy
(now part of that comes from the fact that Obey Me isn’t strictly 18+/full-on porn, but still)
There’s a lot of Interesting Ideas to unpack there with attitudes towards sex vs sensuality and idealisation vs reality
Now as for an avatar… I debated this for a very long time, tossing around Eye, Stranger, Spiral, even Web for like one second
But I think I’ve got it
Slaughter!
Specifically the musical/random outbursts of violence side (not so much the war side)
Why? Well for one, Biblical Asmodeus is said to “"transport men into fits of madness and desire [...] with the result that they commit sin, and fall into murderous deeds (Testament of Solomon, verse 23).”
But also, Obey Me Asmo’s affair with that portrait chick from the earlier lessons started a whole ass war
Like it or not, the boy is very good at instilling manic violence in people
They don’t call it bloodlust for nothing
Beelzebub
I paired Beel with an End avatar MC bc the boy fears losing his loved ones like he lost Lilith
You could argue that Desolation would fit there too but I liked how it fit Satan better
Now as for a Vibe…
I’m tied between Flesh and Corruption tbh
Though corruption is mostly bc buge :)
So I’ll talk about the Flesh
So uh, mass consumerism, meat is meat, cannibalism… see where I’m going?
Ignoring the Hans because that was super racist, the two Flesh avatars I remember best are Jared Hopworth and The Guy Who Stuck His Arm in a Spooky Meat Grinder To Feed His Buds
I think of Jared in relation to Beel not because of the gym thing, but because his very chill/apathetic attitude towards his patron is similar to how I’d picture Beel’s approach to all this
Like “well, guess I’m here now”
I love Beel as much as everyone else, but he’s not exactly apologetic about his… habits
Not to the degree that he’d actually try and change them anyway
So if he got started on the path to Flesh avatarhood, he’d be pretty fucked
Belphegor
I put Web for him as a fear almost entirely because of the concept of Uno Reverse Card, ngl
It does technically tie into his whole thing about being trapped in the attic, since he’d denied all agency and freedom in there, but… Uno Reverse
Dark!Belphie is an interesting concept, and MAG86 “Tucked In” is iconic, but tbh I don’t really… Get the Dark
Don’t get me wrong, put me in a dark place and I will be scared, I don’t like not seeing things, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around why one would become an avatar of the Dark
It’s not a very “primary” fear imo? Like, I’m scared of the dark bc I can’t see what’s there, ie. a threat could be there and I wouldn’t know, but intellectually I know it’s just the absence of light. That’s not really spooky on its own.
I guess what I’m saying is I can attribute spookier things related to the Dark better to other Entities, so I’m not sure what its draw is specifically
According to the Entity Sexiness Survey I did a while back, there’s apparently some Catholic stuff going on with the Dark so maybe that’s why i don’t get it lmao
Anyway I’d put Belphie down for Spiral
“What lies behind a smile” indeed cowboy
Apparently it’s getting choked
Is it because MC’s entire relationship with him is originally founded on a lie?
Is it because the Spiral deals with distortions in your perception, gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing, as well as foggy liminal mental spaces like between sleep and consciousness, death and life?
Is it because I think Belphie would absolutely delight in driving someone bananas by fucking with their dreams until it bleeds into their waking life?
Is it because being a person or consistent being at all is too much effort, consistent internal geography is hard, fuck it, just be an endless twisting series of hallways?
Yes :)
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tlbodine · 3 years
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The Horror Genius of Five Nights At Freddy’s
I’ve been playing FNAF: Help Wanted VR on my Oculus Quest lately (a birthday present to myself -- I know I’m late to that party!) and it’s reignited in me my old love of this series. I know Scott Cawthon’s politics aren’t great, but I don’t think there’s any malice in his heart beyond usual Christian conservative nonsense -- and I think he stepped down as graciously and magnanimously as possible when confronted about it. Time will judge Scott Cawthon’s politics, and that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I want to talk about what makes these games so damn special, from a horror, design, and marketing perspective. I think there’s really SO MUCH to be learned from studying these games and the wider influence they’ve had as intellectual property. 
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What Is FNAF? 
In case you’ve somehow been living under a rock for the last seven years, Five Nights At Freddy’s (hereafter, FNAF) is a horror franchise spanning 17 games (10 main games + some spinoffs and troll games, we’ll get to that), 27 books, a movie deal, and a couple live-action attractions. 
But before it exploded into that kind of tremendous IP, it started out as a single indie pont-and-click game created entirely by one dude, Scott Cawthon. Cawthon had developed other games in the past without much fame or success, including some Christian children’s entertainment. He was working as a cashier at Dollar General and making games in his spare time -- and most of those games got panned. 
So he tried making something different. 
After being criticized that the characters in one of his children’s games looked like soulless, creepy animatronics, Cawthon had his lightbulb moment and created a horror game centered on....creepy animatronics! 
The rest, as they say, is history. 
The Genius of FNAF’s Horror Elements
In the first FNAF game, you play as a night security guard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a sort of ersatz Chuck-E-Cheese establishment. The animatronics are on free-roaming mode at night, but you don’t want to let them find you in your security room so you have to watch them move through the building on security camera monitors. If they get too close, you can slam your security room doors closed. But be careful, because this restaurant operates on a shoestring budget, and the power will go off if you keep the doors closed too long or flicker the lights too often. And once the lights go out, you’re helpless against the animatronics in the dark. 
Guiding you through your gameplay is a fellow employee, Phone Guy, who calls you each night with some helpful advice. Phone Guy is voiced by Cawthon himself, and listening to his tapes gives you some hints of the game’s underlying story as well as telling you how to play. A few newspaper clippings and other bits of scrap material help to fill in more details of the story. 
Over the next set of games, the story would be further developed, with each new game introducing new mechanics and variations on the theme -- in one, you don a mask to slip past the notice of animatronics; in another, you have to play sound cues to lure an animatronic away from you. By the fourth game, the setup was changed completely, now featuring a child with a flashlight hiding from the monsters outside his door -- nightmarish versions of the beloved child-friendly mascots. The mechanics change just enough between variations to keep things fresh while maintaining a consistent brand. 
There are so many things these games do well from a storytelling and horror perspective: 
Jump Scares: It’s easy to shrug these games off for relying heavily on jump scares, and they absolutely do have a lot of them. But they’re used strategically. In most games, the jump scares are a punishment (a controlled shock, if you will) -- if you play the game perfectly, you’ll never be jump-scared. This is an important design choice that a lot of other horror games don’t follow. 
Atmospheric Dread: These games absolutely deliver horror and tension through every element of design -- some more than others, admittedly. But a combination of sound cues, the overall texture and aesthetic of the world, the “things move when you’re not looking at them” mechanic, all of it works together to create a feeling of unease and paranoia. 
Paranoia: As in most survival horror games, you’re at a disadvantage. You can’t move or defend yourself, really -- all you can do is watch. And so watch you do. Except it’s a false sense of security, because flicking lights and checking cameras uses up precious resources, putting you at greater risk. So you have to balance your compulsive need to check, double-check, and make sure...with methodical resource conservation. The best way to survive these games is to remain calm and focused. It’s a brilliant design choice. 
Visceral Horror: The monster design of the animatronics is absolutely delightful, and there’s a whole range of them to choose from. The sheer size and weight of the creatures, the way they move and position themselves, their grunginess, the deadness of their eyes, the quantity and prominence of their teeth. They are simultaneously adorable and horrifying. 
Implicit Horror: One of the greatest strengths to FNAF as a franchise is that it never wears its story on its sleeve. Instead of outright telling you what’s going on, the story is delivered in bits and pieces that you have to put together yourself -- creating a puzzle for an engaged player to think about and theorize over and consider long after the game is done. But more than that, the nature of the horror itself is such that it becomes increasingly upsetting the more you think on it. The implications of what’s going on in the game world -- that there are decaying bodies tucked away inside mascots that continue to perform for children, that a man dressed in a costume is luring kids away into a private room to kill them, and so forth -- are the epitome of fridge horror. 
The FNAF lore does admittedly start to become fairly ridiculous and convoluted as the franchise wears on. But even ret-conned material manages to be pretty interesting in its own right (and there is nothing in the world keeping you from playing the first four games, or even the first six, and pretending none of the rest exist). 
Another thing I really appreciate about the FNAF franchise is that it’s quite funny, in a way that complements and underscores the horror rather than detracting from it. It’s something a lot of other properties utterly fail to do. 
The Genius of Scott Cawthon’s Marketing 
OK, so FNAF utilizes a multi-prong attack for creating horror and implements it well -- big deal. Why did it explode into a massive IP sensation when other indie horror games that are just as well-made barely made a blip on the radar? 
Well! That’s where the real genius comes in. This game was built and marketed in a way to maximize its franchisability. 
First, the story utilizes instantly identifiable, simple but effective character designs, and then generates more and more instantly identifiable unique characters with each iteration. Having a wealth of characters and clever, unique designs basically paves the way for merchandise and fan-works. (That they’re anthropomorphic animal designs also probably helped -- because that taps into the furry fandom as well without completely alienating non-furries). 
Speaking of fan-work, Scott Cawthon has always been very supportive of fandom, only taking action when people would try to profit off knock-off games and that sort of thing -- basically bad-faith copies. But as far as I know he’s always been super chill with fan-created content, even going so far as to engage directly with the fandom. Which brings me to....
These games were practically designed for streaming, and he took care to deliver them into the hands of influential streamers. Because the games are heavy on jump-scares and scale in difficulty (even including extra-challenging modes after the core game is beaten) they are extremely fun to watch people play. They’re short enough to be easily finished over the duration of a long stream, and they’re episodic -- lending themselves perfectly to a YouTube Lets Play format. One Night = One Video, and now the streamer has weeks of content from your game (but viewers can jump in at any time without really missing much). 
The games are kid-friendly but also genuinely frightening. Because the most disturbing parts of the game’s lore are hinted at rather than made explicit, younger players can easily engage with the game on a more basic surface level, and others can go as deep into the lore as they feel comfortable. There is no blood and gore and violence or even any explicitly stated death in the main game; all of the murder and death is portrayed obliquely by way of 8-bit mini games and tangential references. Making this game terrifying but accessible to youngsters, and then marketing it directly to younger viewers through popular streamers (and later, merchandising deals) is genius -- because it creates a very broad potential audience, and kids tend to spend 100% of their money (birthdays, allowances, etc.) and are most likely to tell their friends about this super scary game, etc. etc.
By creating a puzzle box of lore, and then interacting directly with the fandom -- dropping hints, trolling, essentially creating an ARG of his own lore through his website, in-game easter eggs, and tie-in materials -- Cawthon created a mystery for fandom to solve. And fans LOVE endlessly speculating over convoluted theories. 
Cawthon released these games FAST. He dropped FNAF 2 within months of the first game’s release, and kept up a pace of 1-2 games a year ever since. This steady output ensured the games never dropped out of public consciousness -- and introducing new puzzle pieces for the lore-hungry fans to pore over helped keep the discussion going. 
I think MatPat and The Game Theorists owe a tremendous amount of their own huge success to this game. I think Markiplier does, too, and other big streamers and YouTubers. It’s been fascinating watching the symbiotic relationship between these games and the people who make content about these games. Obviously that’s true for a lot of fandom -- but FNAF feels so special because it really did start so small. It’s a true rags-to-riches sleeper hit and luck absolutely played a role in its growth, but skill is a big part too. 
Take-Aways For Creatives 
I want to be very clear here: I do not think that every piece of media needs to be “IP,” franchisable, an extended universe, or a multimedia sensation. I think there is plenty to be said for creating art of all types, and sometimes that means a standalone story with a small audience. 
But if you do want a chance at real break-out, run-away success and forging a media empire of your own, I think there are some take-aways to be learned from the success of FNAF: 
Persistence. Scott Cawthon studied animation and game-design in the 1990s and released his first game in 2002. He released a bunch of stuff afterward. None of it stuck. It took 12 years to hit on the winning formula, and then another several years of incredibly hard work to push out more titles and stoke the fires before it really became a sensation. Wherever you’re at on your creative journey, don’t give up. You never know when your next thing will be The Thing that breaks you out. 
If you want to sell a lot of something, you have to make it widely appealing to a bunch of people. This means keeping your concept simple to understand (”security guard wards off creepy killer animatronics at a pizza parlor”) and appealing to as wide a segment of the market as you can (ie, a horror story that appeals to both kids and adults). The more hyper-specific your audience, the harder it’s gonna be to find them and the fewer copies of your thing you’ll be selling. 
Know your shit and put your best work out there. I think there’s an impulse to feel like “well, nobody reads this anyway, so why does it matter if it’s no good” (I certainly have fallen into that on multiple occasions) but that’s the wrong way to think about it. You never know when and where your break will come. Put your best work out there and keep on polishing your craft with better and better stuff because eventually one of those things you chuck out there is going to be The Thing. 
Figure out where your target audience hangs out, and who influences them, and then get your thing in the hands of those influencers. Streaming and YouTube were the secret to FNAF’s success. Maybe yours will be BookTube, or Instagram, or a secret cabal of free librarians. I don’t know. But you should try your best to figure out who would like the thing that you’re making, and then figure out how to reach those people, and put all of your energy into that instead of shotgun-blasting your marketing all willy nilly. 
You don’t have to put the whole story on the page. Audiences love puzzles. Fans love mysteries. You can actually leave a lot more unanswered than you think. There’s some value in keeping secrets and leaving things for others to fill in. Remember -- your art is only partly yours. The sandbox belongs to others to play in, too, and you have to let them do that. 
If in doubt, appealing to furries never hurts. 
Do I take all of this advice myself? Not by a long shot. But it’s definitely a lot to think about. 
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go beat The Curse of Dreadbear. 
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