#it just arrived in france and we were huge fans of it despite actually never going to starbucks before that

[beebeedibapbeediboop]

This is so far from what I usually do lmaoo but this is a gift for my bf who asked for us together with him as a golden retriever and me as a cat

#artists on tumblr #art #illustration #character design #fursonas #furries #somehow he isnt a furry #he just always thought we had cats and dogs energies and wanted to see my take on it #i never draw anthros but im getting there #so this is us taking our fourth iced coffee with brown sugar and almond milk of the week #it just arrived in france and we were huge fans of it despite actually never going to starbucks before that #also yes he is a golden retriever boy #he just got his ear pierced and is so happy :) #posting it on weekends when no one is around so no one will see it lol #we do have opposite personalities but we've been together for 3 years and a half and i think i love him a lot

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Behind The Album: In Utero

The third and final studio album from Nirvana was released in September 1993 via DGC records. The band wanted to make a clear departure from how their second album sounded. They felt that their huge hit album, Nevermind, was too polished as a record. The producer of that second LP, Butch Vig, would later note that Kurt Cobain needed to “reclaim his punk ethics or cred.” For his part Cobain would tell Rolling Stone in early 1992 that the record would have elements to it much more raw then found on the second album. However, he did emphasize the fact that the pop sound would not disappear entirely. He had hoped to start working on it l in the middle of 1992, but distance between band members getting together was an issue as they all lived in different cities. Another issue came in the fact that Courtney Love was expecting their first child. DGC was hoping to release a new record by Christmas of the year, but instead they were forced to go with the compilation album of all the early material from Sub Pop, Incesticide. For In Utero, Cobain showed interest in working with former producer of Bleach, Jack Endino and Steve Albini. They brought in Endino to work on a few instrumentals for the record that were eventually re-recorded, and he was never asked to produce in any capacity. The group went back and forth debating whether to hire Albini or not. In January 1993, the group recorded another set of demos while on tour in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. This would later become the track, “Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through the Strip,” which originally had the working title of I’ll Take You Down to the Pavement. The latter represented a direct reference to an argument between Cobain and Guns N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose at the 1992 MTV Video Music Awards. The band finally decided to go with Albini as a producer despite his reputation of strict discipline within the studio and remaining one of the most opinionated producers out there. He was said to have referred to Nirvana as “REM with a fuzz box, unremarkable Seattle sound.” He would later say that his decision to work with the band came out of sympathy, feeling smaller groups like Nirvana were at the mercy of the record label. This particular statement should be taken with a grain of salt as Nirvana had just released the biggest record since Appetite for Destruction. Cobain had been a fan of the producer based on his work with the Pixies and the Breeders.

Producer Albini wanted to complete recording within a strict two week timeframe. Nirvana paid for the recording sessions themselves on Albini’s suggestion to avoid interference from the record label. The band paid him $24,000 for his services, while he refused any royalties whatsoever, which would have amounted to $500,000. He would continually say that royalties were immoral and a complete insult to the artist. They recorded at Pachyderm Studios in Cannon Falls, Minnesota in February 1993. Krist Novoselic would compare the environment to a gulag. “There was snow outside, we couldn't go anywhere. We just worked." Nirvana during this time emphasized to the record company that they wanted absolutely no interference from them, which meant they did not share anything from these sessions with their A & R representative. For his part, Steve Albini followed suit by only speaking with members of the band. He characterized anyone associated with the group as “pieces of shit.” After a short delay, the band's equipment finally arrived, so the actual recording of the album went very quickly. Each track began with the group playing together as one doing the instrumental aspect of it. For some tracks, Dave Grohl did the drums in the kitchen due to the natural acoustics sounding better. Albini had also surrounded his drums with 30 microphones for each track. They did not remove any take from the album, but instead kept them all. Cobain even added more guitar parts at the end of each day before doing the vocals. Although Albini had a reputation for being opinionated, he let Nirvana decide what to keep. “Generally speaking, [Cobain] knows what he thinks is acceptable and what isn't acceptable [...] He can make concrete steps to improve things that he doesn't think are acceptable." They did all of their musical work in six days, while Cobain said that it was the easiest recording he had ever done. Albini proceeded to mix the album in five days, which actually was slow by his standards because he usually only spent 1 to 2 days on it.

After completion, the band began to send the unmastered tapes to various people including the president of the DGC records. They absolutely hated it saying the songwriting was mediocre, the entire album was unlistenable, and radio would never except Albini’s production. Cobain took the comments personally to mean that the label wanted him to start from scratch and record again with a new producer. He would say, “I should just re-record this record and do the same thing we did last year because we sold out last year—there's no reason to try and redeem ourselves as artists at this point. I can't help myself—I'm just putting out a record I would like to listen to at home." Yet, the group remained dead set on releasing this version of the record as late as April 1993. They had played it for a number of their friends, who had liked it. The singer said, “Of course, they want another Nevermind, but I'd rather die than do that. This is exactly the kind of record I would buy as a fan, that I would enjoy owning." Around this time, some doubts crept up with all members of Nirvana because the mix of In Utero did not sound right. They asked Albini to possibly remix the record, and he flat out refused. “[Cobain] wanted to make a record that he could slam down on the table and say, 'Listen, I know this is good, and I know your concerns about it are meaningless, so go with it.' And I don't think he felt he had that yet ... My problem was that I feared a slippery slope." They took the record to Bob Ludwig for mastering, while at the same time mentioned their issues with the mix to him. Upon completion, Krist Novoselic said he was happy with the result, but Cobain still felt it was not perfect. At this time, Steve Albini gave an interview with the Chicago Tribune, where he doubted whether the record would ever be released. Newsweek would run another article that echoed the comments made by Albini. This caused Nirvana to write a full page letter to the magazine denying the label was putting any undue pressure on them. The same letter would be reproduced as a full page ad in Billboard not long after. The head of Geffen Records, who owned DGC made the unprecedented move of actually calling Newsweek to complain. The band thought about having Andy Wallace remix the release, but once again Albini refused saying they had only agreed to work with him. At the time, the producer also would release any of the tapes that were now in his possession. He only did so after a phone call from Krist Novoselic. The entire album for the most part was not changed at all, except for a remastering. Yet, the producer continually made comments that it was nowhere near the album he recorded in Minnesota. “The record in the stores doesn't sound all that much like the record that was made, though it's still them singing and playing their songs, and the musical quality of it still comes across." He would go on to say that major labels refused to work with him for the next year or so because of In Utero.

As for the music, the producer wanted to go as far away as possible from Nevermind with this record. He felt that the second album made the group look incredibly bad because it had been overproduced at such a level to make it extremely radio friendly. He wanted to create a much more natural sound for the group. The 1993 Nirvana biography, Come As You Are, noted the vision for the band on this record. “The Beatlesque 'Dumb' happily coexists beside the all-out frenzied punk graffiti of 'Milk It,' while 'All Apologies' is worlds away from the apoplectic 'Scentless Apprentice.' It's as if [Cobain] has given up trying to meld his punk and pop instincts into one harmonious whole. Forget it. This is war." If one goes through the track listing, you can count which tracks are over the top punk, and which tracks are more radio friendly pop. The interesting thing is that they correspond equally, 6 to 6. Fans and critics alike would talk about how abrasive In Utero turned out to be, but Cobain and Novoselic really did not see it that way. The bass player had said the band had always had songs as they are found on In Utero. Yet, the group did consciously try to bring fans into the more punk sounding songs by releasing the first two singles that could have realistically been included on Nevermind. Some of the songs found on the record had been written years prior as early as 1990. Cobain used various points of inspiration for the lyrics. The track “Frances Farmer” came from a 1978 biography of the Seattle figure called Shadowland. “Scentless Apprentice” originated from a horror novel that the singer had read by Patrick Suskind. One of the central themes found on the album noted in that same Nirvana biography from 1993 was the fact that every song talked about sickness or disease in some manner. Although Cobain said the lyrics were very impersonal to him, many disagreed with this assessment. Dave Grohl would say this in an interview. “A lot of what he has to say is related to a lot of the shit he's gone through. And it's not so much teen angst anymore. It's a whole different ball game: rock star angst." The singer continued to argue that much of the album had been written years prior to any issues he was going through at the time. For example, “Rape Me” quite possibly could be talking about his frustration with the media in how he has been portrayed over the past couple of years. The track “Serve the Servants” seemed to specifically talk about Cobain’s father and how divorce affected him from a very early age. The Nirvana frontman wanted his father to know that he did not despise him, but he also had no desire to be around him whatsoever. One track, “Gallons of Alcohol Flow Through the Strip,” was actually one of the only improvisational tracks they ever recorded. The song represented a jam session that the group would frequently participate in in during down times at the studio. They had done this quite often, but this would be the first time that it was ever recorded in some form.

Upon its release, the record label took a very low key approach to promoting the album. None of the singles would come out commercially in the United States, as they concentrated all of their press releases at media specializing in alternative music. The band remained convinced that there was absolutely no way that In Utero would sell even a quarter of what Nevermind sold. The record would debut at number one on the charts selling 180,000 copies in its first week. They sold this many copies without big retail chains like Kmart and Walmart selling it because officially the demand was not there. The truth was actually these chains feared backlash due to the graphic nature of the artwork accompanying the album. In March 1994, an edited version of the album would be released with new artwork and alternative song titles. The band made this concession saying they wanted fans who could not go to a traditional record store to be able to purchase the LP. Following the death of Cobain. the third single “Pennyroyal Tea” was canceled, as well as any tour plans. Immediately following his death, the popularity of In Utero on the charts increased by 122% from 72 to 27. The album would eventually be certified five times platinum.

Critics were not unanimous in the praise of In Utero. For the most part, rock writers really liked the new sound from Nirvana. Time’s Christopher John Farley noted that once again perhaps the mainstream may need to go to Nirvana, rather than the other way around. David Browne of Entertainment Weekly emphasized the absolute contrasts on the release. “The music is often mesmerizing, cathartic rock & roll, but it is rock & roll without release, because the band is suspicious of the old-school rock clichés such a release would evoke." David Fricke of Rolling Stone would say that the record was both “brilliant and corrosive,” but undoubtedly a “triumph of the will” for Kurt Cobain. NME’s John Mulvey did not share the same sentiment as he observed the album really was not up to par with previous Nirvana standards. The review from Plugged In did not mince words saying it had absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever. Some reviews became quite bittersweet as you are reminded of Cobain’s suicide. Q said this about the record. "If this is how Cobain is going to develop, the future is lighthouse-bright." Ben Thompson of the Independent merely seemed happy that the record did not represent the punk rock nightmare the group had continually threatened to release. In Utero would go on to top several end of the year lists as one of the best albums including Rolling Stone, Village Voice, and the New York Times. The band would even receive a Grammy nomination in 1994 for Best Alternative Album. As time has passed, critics have lavished even more phrase on it seeing their work with Albini as far superior to Nevermind. Charles R. Cross would write in his Cobain biography, “If it is possible for an album that sold four million copies to be overlooked, or underappreciated, then In Utero is that lost pearl." Pitchfork named it the 13th best album of the 1990s, while it even made Rolling Stone’s list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time. NME named it number 35 on its greatest albums of all time list creating quite a sense of irony since the periodical did not think too much of the album at the time of its release.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2001

Another list which was a bit difficult to make.  Almost none of this comes from the US charts. I was 13, I had a much better control of what I could listen to, and adolescence crisis was juuuuuuust around the corner and about to smash into me with the force of a semitruck.

For now, though, things were mostly fine.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

First, please enjoy this shit ton of honorable mentions.

Family Affair (Mary J. Blige) - A bit too repetitive for my taste but damn, that beat is great.

Starlight (The Supermen Lovers) - Overplayed to death, sadly.

A ma Place (Axel Bauer & Zazie) - Too much Hetero Drama(tm) for my taste. Still a great song.

Les Mots (Mylène Farmer & Seal) - An artist I love teams up with another artist I really like and... aaaaand it’s fairly boring even if it sounds really nice. Aw.

Me Gustas Tu (Manu Chao) - My dad had one (1) tape that summer and it was Manu Chao. Needless to say, I claim overplay for that cut.

The Girl in Red (Daddy DJ) - Yepppp, I also loved that one, no surprises there.

It Wasn’t Me (Shaggy) - To be honest this song would already be pretty great if it was just a guy trying to pretend it wasn’t him cheating even if his girlfriend got everything on camera, but it’s made even better by the ending where he’s like ‘uh no that’s not a good idea I’m just gonna apologise and try to make things right’. Love that.

Carillon (Magic Box) - This was the last cut from the list. The fact that this kind of novelty eurodance track could still chart this high in 2001 is absolutely baffling to me, but I’m not gonna complain. I had completely forgotten the existence of this song until I listened to the year-end lists and had some sort of flashback, sitting in my chair, going “oh shit, yeah... this was a thing.”

10 - Music is the One-T ODC (One-T)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

Time seems to have buried this, which is a shame. I really liked One-T. I don’t have much more to say about it though, I’m afraid.

9 - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (Daft Punk)

US: Not on the list / FR: #75

Aaaaaaand I don’t have anything to say about this one either. You can’t go wrong with Daft Punk.

8 - No Nagging (Froggy Mix)

US: Not on the list / FR: #31

I simply adore the fact that an anime opening was popular to the point of ACTUALLY CHARTING AND MAKING THE YEAR END LIST HERE. It’s not even the same opening in most other countries. I just checked to make sure. It’s not even the original either! What the hell. I love it. Here’s the full version.

Also, the first cd I ever bought might have been Daddy DJ, but the first one my little brother ever bought was Froggy Mix. If you ever read this, you’re 100% valid bro. I’m just saying.

7 - Rue de la Paix (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #58

This was very overplayed but somehow never outstayed its welcome. I put it on a couple of tapes, even. I’ve always had trouble with Zazie’s upper range, but she isn’t using it too much here.

6 - Clint Eastwood (Gorillaz)

US: Not on the list?? I was dead certain it would be / FR: #47

I never loved Gorillaz. You can throw rocks at me now. I enjoyed the music videos a LOT, and I always liked hearing the songs on the radio, but I never actively listened to them. Also, the Metallica fan I live with is also a fan of Gorillaz, so yeah, over-exposure and all that.

That being said, I remember seeing this music video for the first time with the sound off on a screen in a tv store and being completely mesmerized by the animation. And then that song became a huge hit, and it was one of THE sounds of that summer despite being weird and dark, and I loved it. Good memories, good times ; godspeed, Gorillaz.

5 - Butterfly (Crazy Town)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

This is, indeed, placed above Gorillaz. Too bad you’re out of rocks to throw at my face by now, uh?

But yeah, there’s “so bad it’s good” and then there’s “so bad it’s f█cking fantastic” and that shit lands squarely in that second category. It’s impossible to keep a straight face while listening to it, especially if you sing along to the “sugar baby” bit. And the music video is... sdfghjkjhgfd. The bit where the star tattoos fly off that guy like shurikens is hilarious. It’s so dumb. It’s so bad. I love it so much. I’m so glad I found a gif of that part. Amazing.

4 - Hasta La Vista (MC Solaar)

US: Not on the list / FR: #8

MC Solaar was (and still is, but this was his peak imho) the best storyteller in French hip hop, with strange concept-songs, and a ton of weird puns.

This is basically a mashup of Notre Dame de Paris and a western, in which the singer is starring in the main role but as a pizza delivery man.

Not making this up.

3 - Le Vent Nous Portera (Noir Désir)

US: Not on the list / FR: #29

I really, really hesitated before putting that song on the list, especially at such a high spot. I guess every French speaker reading this already knows why, but to clarify to my other followers: the guy who wrote this and sings this is a murderer. He wasn’t at the time this song came out, obviously, but still, it’s really, really difficult to separate the art from the artist in some cases, and this is one of them, because oh boy, this song is dark. Beautiful, but dark.

The problem is, it’s also great, so I’m really torn. So I decided to still put it on the list, considering how much I loved it back in the day. I think it’s still possible to appreciate beautiful things made by horrible people as long as you acknowledge that fact and never, ever try to excuse the things they did.

Also that lovely guitar is played by Manu Chao and I’m glad he found a way to land on my list in the end.

2 - L’Histoire d’une Fée, C’est (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #92

Madam, I don’t even care that I put you so high on one of my lists again. It doesn’t matter. Please sing a harmless song about fairies to wash the bad taste that the previous entry left in my mouth. This sounds absolutely stellar. It doesn’t even have a music video and it charted anyway. The guy composing the music is at the top of his game and is firing on all cylinders. It’s one of my all time favorite songs from Mylène Farmer even if it’s one of the stupidest ones. It’s colorful and it glows and sparkles, and it’s full of energy and joy with an undercurrent of mystery.

If you don’t know it yet, please give it a try. It’s great.

1 - Solaar Pleure (MC Solaar)

US: Not on the list / FR: #20

Oh boy. My mother hated this song, and once told me it was “shocking and disturbing” [sic] that I loved it.

So. Uh. This is “Solaar Is Crying”. How do I explain this shit to my English followers without sounding like a drunk weirdo rambling in a park. Uh. Here goes nothing.

This is a French hip hop song in which the singer is telling the story of a man preparing his own funeral, dying, arriving in the afterlife, ending up in paradise, forgiving the people who wronged him in life and death, becoming an exterminator angel, going to hell on a MISSION TO FIGHT EVIL, LITERALLY SPITTING ON BELZEBUTH, GATHERING HELP FROM EVERY RELIGION POSSIBLE, UNITING THEM ALL TO DESTROY SATAN ONCE AND FOR ALL, EXPLODING HIM INTO ANTIMATTER, THEN REALISING ALL OF THIS WAS IN VAIN BECAUSE THERE’S STILL BAD PEOPLE DOING BAD THINGS ON EARTH AND THE DEVIL HIMSELF WASN’T THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL IN THE WORLD.

I swear I am not making ANY of this up.

It’s f█cking amazing.

I BEG you to listen to it if you’ve never heard it and PLEASE tell me your opinion afterwards. I would make a best-of of my favorite lines in it, but it would be 90% of the entire song. Here’s a translation of the entire thing.

Next up: Johannes turns 14 and the shit is about to hit the fan and also is that a f█cking top 15

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #death mention #eye contact tw #caps lock

[ahntravels]

Day два.

Day 2. Woke up and completely forgot I was in St. Petersburg for a moment. My bed at home is  a queen, and the bed at this hotel is for a tiny person (in fact, I think my bed at ND was larger...) Anyway, I rolled over as per usual, and completely rolled off the bed. 

I never would have thought, in my wildest dreams, I would one day wake up in Russia. Here’s to just pulling the trigger and making it happen. 

Today, as mentioned yesterday, is Hermitage day. I didn’t know what exactly to expect, except all blogs mentioned to a) buy your ticket in advance (online) and b) get there early. The museum opens at 10, and I had planned on getting there at 10, except halfway through the 20 minute walk I realized I forgot my wallet and visa so I had to go walk back to the hotel and then walk back again, basically adding another 30 minutes to my trip. I arrived around 10:30.

I will say, walking up to the Winter Palace (Hermitage) was surreal. It’s HUGE. 

Below is the arch you walk through which reveals the mammoth Palace

I’ve seen Buckingham Palace in London and Versailles in Paris. I will say that they are NOTHING compared to the Hermitage Museum in terms of shear size. It’s kind of crazy that those arches completely conceal the Palace until you start to walk through it. Then you see like...part of the Palace, but it’s not until you walk through the arch that there is this instantaneous reveal. Included in the reveal is the shock of just seeing the Palace in full + the huge size of it spanning your vision across the X-axis + all the blue sky and empty space that just silences you for a moment. 

SIDE NOTE: For whatever stupid, immature reason, every time I think of the “reveal”, I think of that scene from Mario 64 when you’re running towards a photo of the Princess and it turns out to be Bowser. No, I’m not drunk, don’t ask me why I think of these things at the most random times. And yes, I did spend 15 minutes searching for this photo collage. 

Anyway. I am sure the Winter Palace is GORGEOUS during winter. The acoustics of the space when it’s covered in snow must be like...next level. I’m sure St. Petersburg during the winter is amazing. 

If you want a history lesson on the Hermitage, the Hermitage website has a great timeline. Again, as with the other blogs, I’m not going to be going into detail about images of the place or the history of the pieces exhibited. So many other blogs have done it so much better and I’m not going to butcher that. I’ll just mention a few things that stuck out to me, and you can Google around and figure it out.

I will say that if you do visit, I can offer a couple of tips you may want to follow.

1) The map. The map is confusing but not. You’ll just find yourself getting annoyed because, when you know where you are going, the gaggle of tourists and tourist groups will spin you around and suddenly you forget which way is which. Because the museum is HUGE (I saw maybe 1/8th of the museum in 4-5 hours?) you have to prioritize what to see. Keep in mind that, as time elapses, the museum becomes more and more inundated with the dreaded tourist groups, basically making your chances of getting a clear photo of anything nill. 

2) Tourists (a.k.a. the “Boos”). See the map below. The Hermitage has 3 floors. Below is a floor plan of probably the most popular floor, thanks to Mr. da Vinci and many of the decorative palace rooms (amongst other exhibits):

The good thing is that the map kind of pulls out the most famous exhibits and shows you what room they are in. This makes your job of figuring out where you need to go to cross out those items from your bucket list easy. The bad part: The enemy (a.k.a. tourists groups a.k.a. “boos”) also know where these pieces are and are racing as well to find them. The good news: the boos are with tourist groups and have to wait until the tour guide guides them to the room with the exhibit. So, you have time to beat them to it and snag the photo if you are quick. 

Just like in Mario, as time progresses and you aren’t being proactive, more and more of these guys are going to flood the Museum and follow you and clog up the exhibits. So, how do you win? I suggest getting to the museum first thing, then IMMEDIATELY source those famous exhibits, get your photos, then start at the beginning. Most of the tourists are going to be spending a large portion of their time taking photos of the great hall, which leaves you time to sneak past. Case in point:

The line to da Vinci. It was actually way worse a bit earlier when I came around again. I managed to get there early enough and snagged a decent photo:

In general, just like Versailles, the rooms are huge and ornate and absolutely beautiful. I was standing by a window, looking out into the courtyard from what was probably a ballroom in the palace, and thought to myself who else, years ago, was gazing forlornly (or with happiness, or deep in thought) out this same window.

I think that is the most magical part about these palace museums: people LIVED here. People also died here, were executed, fell in love, gave birth, went mad. And when you see relics of those like ridiculous looking Russian uniforms or weird trinkets from decades past, you have to remember that, no, these weren’t fashioned after film props, but film props fashioned after the real living thing. And the real living thing from 100+ years ago is right in front of you. 

It’s pretty spectacular. 

Oh, so this was exciting: The were having a temporary exhibit, and it was REMBRANDT!! Mike! I’m sure you have seen most of these because they sourced the pieces from the Leiden collection...maybe you have seen some of these at the Frick?

Anyway, there was NO PHOTOGRAPHY so I couldn’t really snag photos of pieces specifically. 

I did find myself in a Jean-Baptiste while lost in the French wing:

I didn’t and couldn’t wander the halls for the full 4-5 hours straight. I took a couple of breaks, grabbing a coffee at the cafe for 15 minutes before trying again. I do suggest you break up your visit to the Hermitage into two days; it really is the only way to not feel like your brain is going to explode. 

Afterwards, I took a walk outside by the water behind the Palace. 

Gratuitous selfie. That’ll be two hundred rubles. 

At this point, I had about 2.5 hours to kill before I needed to make my way to the Mariinsky Theater for the performance. So, I did what anyone should do, and that is wander around and picked up a snack to munch on (sorry, no photo of munchies).

There were people painting on the lawn, and I meant to come back and scope out the progress, but became distracted so I didn’t. I did manage to view a live performance (there are performers EVERYWHERE) and I’ll have to post in a separate blog entry because I still can’t figure out how to take the video from my phone and stick it here. 

I stopped at a progressive burger joint (in terms of menu options) for my “snack” (I didn’t eat breakfast despite my large leftovers still sitting in the refrigerator) and ate one of these guys sans burger sauce:

It’s essentially a falafal burger with cucumbers and halved grape tomatoes inside. The bun was my least favorite part (larger in circumference than the patty, which drives me INSANE) so I ditched it angrily. The bun and the burger should be the same size, and the patty should be thicker than each half of the bun. If the top bun is thicker than the patty, the bun is trash. BESIDES THAT ISSUE, the patty was actually really flavorful, and the veggies were (surprise!) slightly pickled. I wasn’t a huge fan of the background of dill I tasted, but that’s fine. The lunch hit the spot and I felt alive again. 

I know, call me a hypocrite for yelling about wasting food and here I am ditching a perfectly good bun. Well, arguably it wasn’t perfectly good, but I did take a bite and decided I much preferred the insides. Whatever. To quote Trump, “Who cares, we won!”

ASHLEY SIDE NOTE: It’s actually been great being overseas, because I have been shielded from all the US politics. However, I did catch a headline today and I mistakenly checked out Trump’s interview and wow...glad I am over here.

Eventually, I made my way to the theater via Uber (there is no Lyft here, and taxis are a little...shady. And slow. And expensive). I will have to comment on Russian driving (or, driving in Russia):

1) It’s nuts. Nuttier than cabbies and NYC driving. Nuttier than driving in France. Probably not nuttier than driving in Vietnam or other places where you are competing with scooters and cars, but it’s still pretty nutty.

2) However, I noticed that they do one thing correctly and without anger that we don’t do in America, and that is merging. In Russia, they utilize the “zipper merge” technique quite patiently and diligently, which, after taking 3 Ubers and cursing under my breath at the “assholes” who merged at the last minute, I realized that this was common and drivers didn’t sweat it. 

“Those apparently rude drivers are putting more of the roadway to use and thus helping speed things along, in much the same way water flows faster through a funnel than through a straw.”

3) There is no bus lane or real lanes in general (I mean, there are lines painted in the road but people disregard them) and cars are just weaving in and out, trying to avoid buses, bikers, etc. And everyone drives stick, so it can get a little rough at times.

Anyway, I manged to get to the theater at the nick of time (traffic is TERRIBLE) and had decent balcony seating:

The Mariiinsky Theater isn’t huge, but the acoustics are really good. The ballet itself was really interesting. Interesting in the sense that this performance, in terms of skill, seemed to be this mix of gracefulness and like...cirque du soleil. I haven’t seen many ballets, but the ones I have seen did not showcase these magnificent bouts of exaggerated athleticism as performed by these dancers (i.e. 360 degree turns ad infinitum, Labron Jamesesque slam dunk vertical leaps, etc). Don’t get me wrong; these dancers are incredible and it was fun to watch them exhibit their unrelenting strength. However, I felt, where the narrative fell short, the shock and awe carried it through.

 I have to be honest and say that I’m not the type to sit through a long, dry opera or ballet, so Le Corsaire broke through any of that fear and was much appreciated. Given we are in the world of #metoo, the plot didn’t really adhere to the moral standard (the narrative is much about the selling of women as slaves, that people of the Middle Eastern ethnicity is less than smart, etc). Yeah, not the best message. However, despite the immature and possibly offensive plot, the artistry was really good...the backgrounds and costumes were beautiful, and the music was moving. I really liked the duo in Act II...I believe it’s the Adagio, but I will have to go back through the soundtrack to figure it out. 

Afterwards, I ate a really light and late dinner and came back to the hotel where I am writing this. It’s past midnight, and I am officially 63 years old!*

Tomorrow, I think i will visit the Faberge museum, then the Anna Akhamatova Museum, then a food market called  the Kuznechny Market where I will try to buy some caviar, THEN bday dinner, then I need to hit the hay because I have a 6AM train out of Russia and into Estonia. I am really feeling sad that my stay in Russia is ending, but excited to see two more countries. 

Until tomorrow!

*I told the waiter today was my birthday, and he said, “Congratulations”. What a curious response. I suppose living is a task, and becoming a year older is like a life promotion.  

[assbuttyourlife]

When We Were Young - Chapter Ten

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Language, Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), injuries, cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff, Smut.

Words : 6033

Summary : After her grandmother’s funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

WWWY Masterlist

AO3 link

CHAPTER 10 – JIB 4

When Lily arrived at the Hilton in Rome, she had no idea where to go to find Misha, no idea what to expect, and she was surrounded by fans talking and laughing, sometimes wearing weird clothes. They were walking around like they knew exactly where to go, but she was completely lost. She was here only for a few minutes and she already felt like a fish out of the water. This is when she started to regret this already.

Someone at the front desk gave her a badge saying she was expected, but they didn’t say much more, so she decided to text Misha.

L: I'm here. Where are u?

Her phone buzzed just a few seconds later.

M: Doing photo ops. It'll be over soon. I'll meet you in the green room. 6th floor, Claudio room, last one on the left.

The green room… Okay… it almost felt like she was about to go up on stage for a concert.

She went to the room he indicated and of course, there were huge and very intimidating men keeping the door.

Thankfully, when she stepped in front of them and said her name showing her badge, they let her pass immediately as Misha had arranged everything. When she opened the door, she was welcomed by Vicki who was here with Maison in her arms, and West who ran into her arms to hug her.

“Hey angel face!” She crouched down to kiss him on the top of his head before standing up to give his mother a quick hug.

Vicki introduced her to the people present in the room. She met Richard, Brock, and Sebastian who was more than happy to meet her, knowing she had lived in France for twelve years. She also learned that Jared had to fly back home because his wife's sister had a car accident. She was a little disappointed to not meet him as Misha talked about him a lot, but she hoped everything would be okay with his sister in law.

Misha appeared a few minutes later, looking exhausted.

“Heyyy! I see you met some of my cast mates already. Were they nice with you?”

He hugged her, but was soon interrupted by West who wanted to be in his dad's arms.

“Yes, they were. I and Sebastian have a few things in common actually.” She winked at the French man.

“Umm, not so much.” Misha joked. “So, I have to go crash a panel right now, and you should come with me so I can introduce you to Jensen right after.”

“Uh... okay.”

Who was Jensen already?

She didn't ask, feeling a little ashamed to know so little about the show. Misha took her with him and they walked down towards the panel's room. It felt kinda weird, because a few people were sticking with them, telling Misha where to go and what he would have to do next, the huge (and very intimidating!) bodyguard was following them everywhere, not to mention the screams of girls resonating in the halls every time Misha appeared in a corner.

At that moment, she thought it would be so damn great to go back in time and tell the young self-loathing Misha that girls would scream for him every time he'd appear or move a finger… he wouldn’t even believe it. Actually, she wasn’t even sure he was realizing it now.

When Misha was ready to crash the Jensen and Ty panel, he told Lily to wait backstage, it wouldn't be long. She complied and observed him climbing on stage to... improvise a puppet show with his costars in a weird Russian accent??

Okay... why not, don’t question it Lily, he knows what he’s doing, hopefully.

She looked at the muscular man that she knew wasn't Jensen and though she found him quite attractive, she had absolutely no idea who he was either.

Misha got off stage with Jensen, and they all went to another empty room for a break until they needed to start their autograph session. She finally was introduced to Jensen, who turned out to apparently be a very nice guy who couldn't stop teasing Misha. Honestly, she had the feeling every actor on Supernatural were teasing experts. Was it good or bad, she didn’t know yet, it was too soon to tell.

“You know he can't talk about your family without crying like a baby on stage?” Jensen asked playfully.

Lily had to laugh at that, remembering the video Katie showed her a few days before.

“I don't know why he talks about my family on stage in the first place. People don’t care.”

Misha sipped on his water, amused to see them getting along well.

“They do. Can you two not talk about me like I'm not right next to you in the same room? It came up once and I was a bit emotional, big deal!”

They laughed and chatted a little more until it was time for the two men to go back to business. Lily took that opportunity to go with Vicki, Danneel and the kids to visit Rome. She was actually getting along pretty good with Misha’s wife. She thought she was an amazing woman full of surprises. She could appear shy and a little weird with people she didn't know well, but she turned out to be a good friend for Lily all day long and she really appreciated it.

Jensen and Misha joined them for lunch and they all went to a fancy Italian restaurant, a little closer to the convention center. Misha joked about being able to pay for restaurant now, but after the video she saw the other day, Lily knew it wasn't just a joke. He probably was too shy to admit it in front of his friends, but she suspected he really meant it and was proud of it, like he could finally repay her and take his revenge on the hard life he had when he was younger.

They went back to the Hilton for the rest of the convention, and it was time for Misha's solo panel, which Lily was very curious to see. He told her he had already one yesterday, one today, another tomorrow, and one with Jensen just before the closing ceremony. What could he possibly have to say to people for three days in a row?

She was leaning on the wall in the right corner of the room, between the tech guys and the line of fans waiting to ask their questions, when Misha came up on stage. It was so damn strange to hear all those people screaming and cheering for him like he was a superstar. Well duh... he actually was a kind of superstar, but it was still an alien concept in her head because that's not what he was to her at all.

He started by opening a huge present box, finding two light sabers inside, and the people cheered once more. He then spent several minutes answering all kinds of questions, mostly about the show, and of course Lily didn't understand half of what they were talking about, but she was very impressed to see Misha on stage. She thought he'd changed a lot, he had never been the shy type of person, but he sure has never been confident enough to be at ease on a stage answering tons of questions. But here he was, as self-assured as he could be, making people laugh, making them happy...

After twenty minutes of answering questions, he probably started to be bored because he asked a fan to challenge him on a light saber fight. She happily accepted, came up on stage and they started fighting, but soon stopped after he threw a “I got your boob” to her, and he eventually answered her questions seriously... until another girl asked to fight again. And boy did they fight... on the Star Wars theme! Lily couldn't stop laughing; it was so obvious he never learned how to do that properly! After he told the girl he got both of her boobs, she left the stage and Misha was out of breath.

The panel ended a few minutes later after more questions about his character, Misha left the room saying goodbye to his fans, and that closed her fist day at a Supernatural convention.

Of course that was not the end of the day; the whole team went to go eat pizza in the center of Rome. Lily met the few people she hadn't during the day, such as Ty, Rob, Jason or Steve... And she had to admit they were all really nice people, Misha was right, everyone was very kind to her. They were all amazed and very curious to learn about her and Misha's reunion after so many years. After all, that's not something that happens every day. They also joked about the fact that being back from the dead is usually the kind of thing that happens on Supernatural, but of course Misha told everyone she hadn't watched a single episode yet and they booed at her so loud that she wanted to disappear from the surface of the earth when everyone turned around in the restaurant. She promised she would eventually catch up with the show despite the fact that it was just impossible for her to watch eight freaking seasons of a show that she would probably freak out about. She had never liked horror movies, she was a total wimp about that, so Ty volunteered to hold her hand if she needed to. She had to admit that perspective was appealing... Once they had eaten, Sebastian wanted to go dance, which of course made Lily super excited. Vicki had to go back to the hotel with the kids who were exhausted but Misha was up for it so they all headed to a nightclub, still in the old city. Jensen, Richard and Ty were here too. They sat at a table while Richard and Misha went to order drinks, so Sebastian took that opportunity to get to know Lily a little more. "So on a scale of 1 to 'I need a baguette right now or I'll stab someone', how much do you miss France?" he asked playfully. Lily laughed, she could tell he was happy to talk about his country as he missed it probably a lot.

"Actually, not so much. I was in Nice yesterday to visit some friends." "Oh great! I do miss it... But then when I'm in France I miss America. I'm a complicated guy." She laughed again and took a sip of the drink Misha just brought her. "Oh jeez, what it this? It's strong!" "It's called 'Angelo Azzuro'. I liked the name." He winked at her and she snorted. "Of course you did." Jensen sat in the booth facing Lily, an amused expression on his face.

“Any weird and embarrassing childhood stories you can tell us so we can pick on Misha for the rest of his life?”

Lily turned to look at Misha. Of course a lot happened, but she couldn’t think of something specific at that moment, especially after drinking such a strong cocktail.

“I don’t know… The Angelo Azzuro is kinda making my brain feel like jelly right now so I can’t think that far back.”

Misha smiled and put his drink on the table.

“I can! I know a story… I’m not sure it’s appropriate though.”

“Oh come on!” Jensen grunted. “No fans here, it’s just us, spit it out.”

He glanced at Lily, silently asking her permission, but she had no idea what he had in mind so she just shrugged.

“I’m actually remembering the day I sneaked into your school and we ended up in the girl's bathroom-”

“Nope! Nope... shut up!” Her eyes widened and she slammed her hand on his mouth, muffling the sound of his giggles.

Naturally, it picked everyone’s curiosity.

“That sounds interesting. You wouldn’t want to disappoint us, would you?” Richard insisted.

Misha’s eyes sparkled with mischief when he thought about a way of making her move her hand from his mouth. He stuck out his tongue and licked her palm, which immediately made her jump on her seat.

“Eww! You’re gross!!”

He laughed under the look of his clueless friends.

“It’s actually a funny story, they should know.”

“Yeah, funny for you maybe! You always were the one ending up without any trouble because your mom was super cool with pretty much everything!”

He giggled even more, knowing she was absolutely right.

“I won't give too many details. Promised.”

Jensen rolled his eyes, losing patience.

“Come on, you said too much already, now we’re dying to know and we won’t let you go until it’s out.”

Lily sat back on her chair and crossed her arms in defeat. She sighed and closed her eyes, bracing herself.

“Alright, so we’d been dating for what… a year maybe, and-“

“Wow, wow, wow…” Jensen interrupted loudly. “You never said you two were dating, you said she was your old friend!”

He indeed never mentioned it to any of them, but he had nothing to hide after all. Not to them at least.

“Well duh… I was a weird and lonely fourteen guy who was living with a hot girl that cared for me, what do you think happened, smartass?”

Jensen tilted his head, looking at the ceiling.

“Ehh, fair enough. Go on.”

“Okay, so after a year, as a fifteen year-old boy full of hormones ready to explode, missing his girlfriend that didn't go to the same school, I decided to go sneak into her school, and we ended up in the girl's bathroom doing some...”

Please be wise and subtle...please, please...

“... physical exercise.”

Lily burst out laughing and hid her face in her hands, which of course, made Misha giggle once again, and everybody joined him. She then took one more sip of her cocktail.

“Was that subtle enough?”

“Yeah, yeah, just finish the damn story so I can leave and hide forever.”

“So... Darius helped me sneaking in, but being the giant dick that he still is today, he decided to have a little fun with this, knowing exactly what I had planned. He called Lily's principal, who was an old woman, to tell her what was happening in the bathroom...”

Sebastian couldn’t hold his laugh. “What a smart move!”

“I know, right? The principal, of course, took two supervisors with her, discreetly came to the bathroom to check, and heard us, but had the decency to not interrupt. What a thoughtful woman! When we came out of the bathroom stall, we were both welcomed by the woman and her two gorillas, their arms crossed and a very displeased look on their faces. Naturally, we ended up in her office and the first thing she did was to call Lily's mother, who was a very good mother BUT a very religious person who had no idea I was screwing her daughter...”

Everyone laughed heartedly, and despite the fact that the music was loud and Lily was still hiding her face behind her hands, everybody heard her desperate and embarrassed whine.

Misha tried to hold his laugh, but when she turned to look at him with her shameful eyes, blushing furiously and shaking her head, she looked so much like she did that day that he lost it and giggled hysterically.

“I was lucky to be expelled only for two weeks thanks to my family's history in the town, but I had to listen to my mom giving me the talk the whole damn evening! I had to stay locked in my room for a whole month, and was only allowed out of it to go to school or church! And you know what's not fair? When I asked my mom if she yelled at Misha, she said his mom would teach him his lesson, but she didn't know Misha's mom was so damn cool that she didn't even care he was expelled from school! Darius of course was super proud of himself, so I was the only one who got in trouble for this and felt miserable!”

Misha tried to talk between his giggles; he was breathless and had tears in his eyes.

“And your mom didn't even notice I was still sneaking into your room every night!”

Lily finally cracked too, joining everyone.

“Was it at least worth the trouble?” Sebastian asked her boldly.

“If you say no in front of them I will never talk to you again” Misha joked.

Lily scoffed and shook her head.

“I think you had enough details. But… yeah, I guess it was.”

Misha’s smile couldn’t be wider. “The principal didn’t interrupt for a reason! She heard you-”

“Alright, alright, that’s enough.” Lily raised her hand and finished her drink.

When she heard one of her favorite song, she took the opportunity to change the subject, plus she couldn't resist anymore, she just wanted to dance.

She leaned next to Misha's ear. "So tell me, after so long, have you finally learned how to sway those hips of yours?" He raised an eyebrow, a little surprised by her question. The Italian cocktail obviously made its effect on her.

"How about we find out now?” He stood up and offered his hand to her. She obliged and they walked to the dance floor. Lily looked at him dancing, very amused, unable to hold her laugh anymore. "Okay... So no is the answer to my previous question, I guess."

They always had enjoyed dancing together like dorks, but damn did he look like he had a stick up his ass when he did! "I'm afraid you'll have to teach me again." "Don't pretend I ever could teach you how to dance. Nobody can!"

They both cracked, but they didn't stop dancing. Misha was observing her carefully... She always had such a grace in her when she was dancing, whatever the music was. That's probably why she was such a talented musician; there was something between her and the music that he probably would never understand.

They were soon interrupted by Ty who tapped on Misha's shoulder. "May I borrow the miss, Mr. Collins?" "Sure... If you can keep it up." Out of breath, Misha was actually happy to go back to just chill and drink with his mates at the table after such an exhausting day. After a few minutes of talking about the weirdest photo ops they had today, Misha realized Lily was gone for a while and scanned the dance floor. She was still dancing facing Ty, his hands were both on her hips and they were laughing heartedly. And just like that, Misha suddenly couldn't concentrate on his conversation anymore. He mentally slapped himself and tried to focus on what Jensen was babbling, but he sneaked at them one more time and saw them very close... too close to each other, their bodies swaying together in rhythm with the music, and he realized he didn't like that at all, and he also hated himself for having such a stupid reaction. He stood up without a word, leaving his friends wondering what was going on, and walked towards Lily who was still obviously having a lot of fun. He grabbed her upper arm gently which made her turn around to face him and separate from Ty.

“We should go, it's late and we have to get up super early tomorrow. You coming?”

“Oh come oooon, Misha! It's been a while since I had so much fun! You go ahead if you want, I'll drive back with Ty, don't worry.”

Great... How was he supposed to object without appearing like an old jerk now? He really didn't want her to stay with Ty, who was divorced, free, and impudently flirting with her.

“Lily, you're gonna be a mess tomorrow and you'll have one hell of a hangover. You'll thank me, believe me.”

He pulled on her arm just a little, but she didn't move.

“You're the one who brought me the 'Angelo Azzuro' and now you're telling me to go to sleep? No way, Misha. I'm staying. You wanted me to come to have fun and that's exactly what I'm doing. But you can go if you're tired, it's fine, really.”

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and turned back to face Ty who was obviously not willing to leave either.

Congratulations Misha, You're officially an idiot.

He didn't want to leave her like that, in a foreign country, on her own... or to leave her with Ty... drunk and happy and too friendly, but he had no other option left. He didn't even know for sure why he was reacting that way. He still cared for her deeply and telling all those stories about his childhood today probably contributed to accentuate this feeling of… protectiveness?

When he went back to their table, Jensen had already left with Richard. Sebastian was just waiting for him to do the same, so they did, leaving Lily and Ty behind them, still dancing like horny drunk teenagers.

...

Misha had trouble finding sleep that night, and at 5.30am, when Vicki kicked him out of the bed because she couldn't bear him rolling over every damn minute, he changed and got out for a jog, hoping it would clear his mind.

He ran in the park near their hotel for almost an hour, and when he got back he thought he could bring coffee to Lily... and see if she was in her room... alone.

So much for clearing my mind...

Again, he mentally cursed himself for his dumb and childish reaction, but he couldn't help it. He bought two coffees and some croissants and went up for her room.

When he arrived in front of her door, it opened before he could even knock and he came face to face with Ty, still wearing his clothes from the day before, who quickly greeted him and ran to go back to his hotel.

Lily smiled and told him to come in, glad he brought her coffee.

Misha felt a wave of something he couldn't describe growing inside of him. It was not a pleasant sensation and of course, he had to be condescending when he opened his mouth to talk...

“That was fast...”

Lily sat on her bed with her coffee but looked confused. She had no idea what he was talking about.

“What was fast?” She frowned.

“Well… do you really have to ask?”

Was he seriously implying what she thought he was?

“Why are you speaking to me with your daddy voice as you do with West when he does something very bad?”

That sobered him a little, but still he couldn't help the biting tone in his voice, despite his effort to not sound too harsh. He felt so stupid and immature, but he just couldn’t help it, he almost felt… betrayed.

“Why are you answering my question by another question?”

“You just did too... We can do this all morning, or you can just tell me what the hell is wrong with you right now and stop acting like an asshole.”

That weird wave grew higher in Misha's chest. Did she have to be so bitchy? Her sarcastic voice and harsh words made him feel very annoyed, and unfortunately, he spoke before thinking...

“Right, because acting like a slut with my coworker is so much better. I see you've learned a lot from your previous boyfriend...”

She froze, her half empty cup of coffee hanging in front of her open mouth. She couldn't believe he really said that to her. She must've misunderstood... Misha couldn’t do that. He couldn’t be so mean.

“What did you just say?”

He was already regretting it. Truth was she hurt his feelings. He didn’t want to admit it though, so he just wanted her to feel the same, and regarding to the pained look in her eyes, it worked. He couldn’t believe he did that… hurting her on purpose for such a lame reason. It was so not him that it scared him, and he tried to apologize.

“I… I didn’t m-“

“Leave.” She spat it in a calm but angry voice, a murderous look in her eyes, freezing Misha on his spot. After all she told him about Peter, she just couldn't believe how mean he was right now.

When he didn't move, she pushed him a little and almost screamed.

“Get the fuck out!”

Misha had the time to see her eyes turn from angry to teary, but he turned around and left the room without a word, feeling miserable and shameful. What could he do anyway? She was pissed at him, and she was right to be. He actually was pissed at himself too.

When he was gone, Lily threw her thankfully empty cup of coffee on the door and broke down crying on the floor of her hotel room, leaning against her bed.

She cried for a few minutes, wondering what the hell just happened. Misha was obviously mad at her because she didn't leave with him and preferred staying with Ty, but why? It didn't make sense at all! And why did he have to be so cruel?

Suddenly she heard a weak knock on her door and Misha's trembling voice.

“Lily... open the door, please... I'm sorry. Can we talk?”

She didn't move. If he thought she would open that door he was dreaming! She hated his stupid face and his stupid voice more than anything right now.

He gently knocked again.

“Get back to your family and your fans, Misha. I have nothing to say to you.”

“Come on. I won't leave anyway. Vicki's gonna kick my ass for being an ass with you and I won't be able to show up at the convention feeling that miserable. If I have to spend the rest of the weekend here I will, but you'll have to explain that to the people waiting for me.”

She sighed... He better have a fucking good explanation.

She wiped her face quickly and opened the door, revealing a very shamefaced Misha.

“You have two minutes before I slam you out again.” Her voice was shaky. Was it from anger or sadness, he didn't know, but he knew for sure it was because of him. He walked in and sat on her bed, sighing and hiding his face in his hands.

“I don't know what happened, Lily... I lost it when I saw Ty getting out of your room. I had no right to tell you those things and I honestly didn't mean them. I know you don't owe me any explanation, and you can do whatever you want with who you want, but the sad truth is I imagined you and Ty together and I was just...”

He didn’t finish his sentence, mostly because he didn’t even know what he felt at that moment.

Lily sighed and sat next to him, gently pulling his hands away from his face so he would look at her. She wanted to be strong and firm when asking her next question, but his face showed such a hurt expression and his eyes were red and shiny with tears, that she had a flashback and saw herself two decades ago,  trying to comfort the young Misha after he had hard times, which happened quite frequently at the time. It almost broke her heart, so her question came out as a whisper, the lump in her throat being too heavy.

“What do you think happened exactly?”

He frowned. “Well… He just got out of your room. No need to be a genius to know what happened.”

Oh Misha...

She exhaled, understanding a little better what caused his stupid reaction.

“He walks out of my room and this is what you assume? Who do you think I am?”

Misha sank into her green eyes and started to really think about what happened, and if he didn’t feel stupid before, he certainly did now. She was right… He only saw Ty getting out of her room but he actually didn’t know for sure what happened that night.

“I… He… he still had the same clothes so I just…”

“I did not spend the night with Ty, Misha… We left the club soon after you did. He gave me his jacket because I got cold but his phone was still in it so I called his hotel and he came here this morning to take it back before the convention starts.”

Just when he thought he couldn't feel any worse, she proved he was a complete idiot once again.

“I... I'm so sorry. I just... You know I would never say that to you and mean it, right? You know me.”

She thought about that a moment and her voice twitched.

“Do I?”

He looked at her frowning.

“Of course you do. I'm still me.”

“Yeah… Just like I’m still me and you’re supposed to know I would never sleep with someone I’ve just met…”

Misha looked down at his feet. Did she have to remind him he acted like a jerk?

“I do know that but… God I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry, Lily.”

“It’s fine. You've changed. We both have, that's life. I observed you yesterday, talking to those people on stage and I didn't recognize the person I saw.”

“That's because that person on stage is not truly me. Ask any actor, every single one of us: we all act eighty percent of the time we're on stage, and you know what happens when I don't act? Well... exactly what happened when I talked about your grandfather: I lose it and I tear up. And that is me.”

She turned on the bed, facing him.

“Why did you react like a giant ass?”

“I don't really know... I felt a wave of anger when I imagined... you with someone else. I had no right to feel like that in the first place. I don't know what happened to me. I was surprised to feel that way after so long. It was just stupid.”

“I get it... It happened to me too, when you told me you were married. For a brief second I felt a little sting in my chest. It was gone soon after but still, I felt it.”

He smiled and took one of her hands in his, sighed and looked into her shiny eyes.

“You know what I just realized? We never had closure. At least I never had closure. When you... When I thought you died I searched for you, I only found a grave with no names, and it wasn’t enough for me to move on. We never broke up, we were just torn apart by a cruel and unfair fate when we were still deeply in love so... I've never said to myself I had to stop... loving you. You were just gone, but that didn't stop me from loving you and craving you. And then I met Vicki and we dated and we married and we had kids and it felt good and it still feels perfect... but still, all that time I've never refrained myself from loving you, because I've never needed to, and it just backfired on me a few minutes ago.”

Oh God... What was she supposed to say after that?

“Do you still… need closure?”

He tilted his head and frowned, surprised by her question.

“Why do you ask? You wanna break up with me now?”

“Well if I have to...”

He considered it for a few seconds, still observing her closely, and a tiny smile appeared on his face. He suddenly wanted to test a theory, hoping it wouldn't backfire on him one more time.

“Okay... go ahead.”

He crossed his arms and waited patiently, leaning on the bed board.

Was he serious? She needed to break up with him after a lifetime being apart?

“Well, fine... Misha...” she started, and then coughed. She was still looking into his eyes... Did she really have to do that looking into his piercing blue eyes? That was kinda cruel.

“I...” She cleared her throat again. “We need to...”

Oh my God Lily just say it, don't be a wimp!

She needed to tell him it was over. And it really was, he was married to another woman, he had kids... So yeah... She needed to say she wanted to end this. It was supposed to end a long time ago. It was all true and reasonable. It was the right thing to do.

And yet... She couldn't find the nerves to say it out loud facing him.

“Okay, you took me by surprise, I will do it but I need to... be prepared.”

His smile widened. He was right... He knew she couldn't do that.

“Right. You know, I would understand if you don't want it.” His voice was kinky now, he clearly wanted to tease her, and yet she couldn't help babbling.

“What? No! I mean yes! It needs to be done. We need closure. You're right... You're absolutely right. I mean you need closure. I don't.”

“You sure? Because I can break up with you right now if you need me to.”

“I don't. Remember when you said 'I'm married, her name is Vicki, we have two kids?' Well... that was my closure.”

“Right... and it stung a little. Your words.” He smirked.

“Yep... just like it did for you a few minutes ago when you called me a slut. That's because it stung a little. Except I handled it much better than you did!”

Oh snap!

He looked down, ashamed of himself.

“I'm sorry. Told you I didn't mean it. But yes... It did hurt like a bitch to see you with someone else. That was more than a little sting for me, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.”

She looked at his hands and saw his wedding ring.

“You know... If it can make you feel a bit better... I wasn’t exactly a big fan of your married status either when you told me... And I kinda hated to admit you have an amazing wife. It would’ve been great if she’d been a real bitch that I could hate.” She made a face and rolled her eyes, which made Misha laugh.

“Says the one who doesn't need closure! You know what we should actually do? We should go back to Northfield together, and finally turn that page together. Just us. No wife, no kids. Then it will be over. That will be the end of our past relationship and the beginning of a new one.”

That wasn't a bad idea after all...

“Okay. Deal. We'll do that.” She smiled and nodded.

“Can I have a hug? Am I forgiven?”

She laughed softly and leaned forward to hug him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“You're forgiven. But if it happens again, I'll kick your ass.”

He turned his head and placed a soft kiss on the side of her forehead.

“I'll try to remember that.”

“Alright, let's move, I'm sure you're late already.”

She let go of him, he stood up and walked to the door to leave.

“Probably... but they're used to it.” He winked and stepped out of the room.

He closed the door behind him. Lily was still sitting on her bed. She sighed heavily and went in the bathroom to get ready for the last day of the convention.

#misha collins #fanfiction #when we were young #fluff #angst #slow built #long fic #young!misha

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 060219

2 June, 2019

Dear Dad--

Things are going okay here! I’ll take a look at that Vonnegut book. I don’t think it’s one I’ve read yet. I’m continuing to watch that Chernobyl mini-series, and continuing to enjoy it! This is despite the fact that last week’s penultimate episode was such an undiluted pisser. It really had some depressing parts in it! Part of that episode follows the team of three guys who were assigned to walk around the city of Pripyat (right next to Chernobyl) and shoot all the dogs and cats. Most were domesticated animals that were left behind when the citizens were evacuated. (I believe those citizens were also told they’d just be gone two or three days.) So you get to spend a lot of the episode watching guys go around whistling to summon all the local pooches, only to then terminate them with extreme prejudice (and a rifle). On the brighter side, they do dedicate themselves to reducing the animals’ suffering as much as possible. This is good for the mini-series ultimately--because it makes them more nuanced and less one-dimensional--and also necessary, because if they enjoyed killing everyone’s dogs and cats, they wouldn’t be sympathetic characters, and you wouldn’t want to keep watching unless something terrible happens to them.

But no, they’re actual sympathetic human beings, and they aren’t thrilled about having to do this job, so you end up liking them. And it’s a job that needed to be done; can’t have radioactive animals running about. And it’s the 80s in the Soviet Union, so of course everyone smokes cigarettes, which makes me want a cigarette. Also, note to self: If I ever live near a nuclear power plant, since they don’t make dogs that are impervious to radiation yet, just remember to take the hypothetical dog with me if they ever evacuate the town for any reason. I already know I’d take my one current pet (Samuel L. Jackson, cat) with me if Austin were evacuated for any reason.

It’s been a good week! My job has been less stressful of late, and our plan to move to a northern state has been moving in the right direction lately too. I now know how we break lease here, while screwing ourselves as little as possible. It seems that, if we break lease here, which means moving out any time before the end of November, they’re okay with that! They just expect 30 days’ notice, and a payment of about $2,450. That’s the “OMG MY ASS” news. The slightly better news is that the fee is cut in half if you agree to pay it before you move. So I now know that they can’t make me pay full rent for all the months I wouldn’t be living there, but they can make me pay a $1200-ish fee. I can kinda see that. I mean, that’s stupidly expensive, and fuck those guys, but if I can just pay a fee and give 30 days, that’s better than it might have been.

One thing I keep thinking about: I’m not a huge fan of never-ending car trips. I like being in unfamiliar places, and visiting places I’ve always read about, but the actual getting there (by car, by plane, etc.) can kiss my ass. If I move to Maine, it’s going to take three days just to drive there. Although, now that I’m about halfway through this paragraph, that part sounds less awful. Once I leave Texas, pretty much every place I go will be someplace I’ve never been before. I’ll get to see states I’ve only ever heard of, like Tennessee, (or Paris, France, or the surface of the Moon, for that matter)...part of me is still convinced these places couldn’t possibly exist in real life, so I have to go there and find out for myself. Then again, it’s just Tennessee, and I won’t be able to smoke cigarettes the whole drive, so...okay, yep, I’m back to being convinced that I’ll hate the trip. Ha! I’m precious.

But what the hell! I’ll also drive through Vermont; that should be cool. And I’ll go through Massachusetts, so perhaps I’ll see what Boston looks like. For the moment, though, I’m still working in the same place, and little has actually changed in my life, though I’ve spent the year gathering & stashing every cardboard box I could get my hands on. Also I’m making my resume. I fear it’s going to be a little heavy on the Progressive shit and a little light on everything else. My adult life has basically been university, black hole (had to live with Mom a while), move to Austin and get hired at Progressive in 1996, and that pretty much takes us up to the present day. This is partly why we want to move, of course. Austin does several things very well, but most of them are things I don’t like, such as live music, constant allergy issues, drinking on 6th street, jogging through the parks, and having a sweaty forehead. I hate all of that shit.

One thing Austin does right, which I shall miss, is movies. If you go to an Alamo Drafthouse Theater here in Austin, before every movie they show, they show a short reminder film telling you that if you talk during the movie, or use your cell phone, or arrive after the movie starts, they WILL politely kick your ass right out of the building with no refund. They’re serious as a heart attack about that shit. I’ve never seen them do it, because no one talks or uses their cell phone during the movie at Alamo Drafthouse, which, presumably, is part of why they like going there. It’s awesome. No one ever brought a crying baby to a movie at Alamo Drafthouse, because NO TALKING, dammit, and that goes for your baby, too. It’s all about making sure your movie going experience isn’t interrupted by the unfortunate carelessness of others. I don’t ever want to go to another movie theater after going to an Alamo Drafthouse.

There is a good youtube video of a drunk woman calling the theater to complain after being kicked out. I believe, at one point, she refers to our country as, “The Mag-nited States of America!” I’ll find it.

Found it! Here we go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L3eeC2lJZs

I’m going to finish updating my resume today, and prepare myself for the week ahead. Have a good week yourself!

[bestfriendforhire]

Children of BFFH, Entry 59

 “You have no idea how infuriating not knowing your thoughts is at times.” stated Alaric as he stared down Aid, though we all knew his comment was actually meant for Four.

 “Probably horrible for you, since some of us can read yours.” replied Aid with a mirthless smile.  He probably caught something unwanted in Alaric’s thoughts again.

 “If you must know, Father and half the adults are meeting up at the Château de Flaugergues because Father wanted to meet with someone there.  If you were really that curious, we could have tagged along.” explained Four with a frown for Alaric.

 “No-no.  You’re right.  Sorry, Four.  Really.” insisted Alaric, holding up his hands defensively.  Though he loved messing with Aid, he never wanted to fight Four, probably being reminded too much of Father, possibly Mother due to Four’s eyes.  “What if we go to…” started Alaric, pausing to think or rifle through thoughts of nearby Slayer descendents.  “Montpellier’s Citadelle!” he exclaimed, pronouncing the word like the French while speaking English despite being in France.

 Doc shrugged and said, “Sure.  I didn’t get a chance to research any good places for today.  Sorry.”

 “The Citadelle will be great!  Plenty of history.  It’s a school now, so even the Boss should appreciate the educational aspect, right?” asked Alaric with forced enthusiasm.

 Four sighed and said, “Let’s go.  Father would appreciate the architecture, and Mother would probably be amused by us seeking out an educational institute on vacation.”

 “Exactly!” exclaimed Alaric, wrapping his arms roughly around my brothers.

 Shoving off Alaric’s arm and turning around, Aid questioned “Ella?  Where are you going?”

 “The Citadel was a military place.  I’d rather go.. that way.” she replied, pointing in the direction she had started to walk.

 “Why?” he asked with interest.

 “I…” she started before frowning.  “I don’t remember, but I might again if I go that way.”

 Seeing that Four and Messy seemed to be having a mental discussion that could alter the course in a way that would make Alaric whiney, I quickly said, “I’ll go with her.  We’ll be fine.”

 Four nodded, and the group continued on behind him.

 Messy would be going off to meet Auntie Aaliyah and Crazy soon.  They were supposed to get up to mischief today.  Messy always considered time with her mother to be mischief.

 I quickly took hold of Ella’s hand, not trusting myself to find her again if she somehow slipped off.  Days like this, I was really envious of Aid’s power.  Messy’s would typically be even better, but the idea of accidentally obliterating someone with a thought wasn’t pleasant.  Not having her experience, I’d probably do something awful even without her current predicament.

 Ella was happily wandering off toward the river, which certainly didn’t bother me.  A large quantity of water nearby would ensure my ability to protect her and give me plenty of aquatic life to admire.  I blinked and accidentally jarred Ella to a stop as I sensed something unusual in the river.  Resisting the urge to call the others, or even Father, to come see this, I started walking again with Ella.

 There was no life on this planet that would surprise my parents, so bothering them would only have them humoring me at best.  Besides, Mila would tell them what we saw the instant we arrived if my parents didn’t already know.  My brothers and friends would certainly want to see these creatures, but Alaric’s reactions weren’t something I wanted to try predicting.  With a dragon-like, horned head and a scaled, serpentine body, I was certain this was a guivre, which I hadn’t believed actually existed.  I couldn’t even recall a story of them in rivers.  What were they doing here, and how did Ella know?  She was guiding us directly toward them.  I’d tell the others after I studied them for a bit.

 “Ella, are you sensing something again yet?” I asked, suspecting this was a fey thing.  Aid’s fey abilities were certainly enviable as well, with Four and I left out of that group.

 Small question marks formed around her head as she turned to look at me.  Just before our eyes met, the question marks changed from blue to yellow and lost form as if they were bursts of light.  “You’re right!  I do.” she replied excitedly.

 “Please, focus on that sensation.  Are they intelligent, perhaps a type of fey?” I questioned hopefully, though I doubted the latter could be true.

 Shaking her head and continued to walk, she said, “Not fey, but… I’d compare their thoughts to dolphins.”  She giggled and said, “They’re so playful!”

 Resisting the urge to pick up Ella and run was difficult, but I managed.  At first glance, I thought the creatures were black, but several quickly popped above the water’s surface when Ella knelt down there.  Their scales changed colors as the light hit them from different angles.  Remembering the stories, I prepared to protect Ella should the creatures attack, but they didn’t.  Animals never attacked the fey, and Ella’s fey abilities were strong.

 Laughing as they all three tried nuzzling her hand at once, she happily petted them, drawing the attention of even more.  There were eleven of the creatures here, none any longer than my leg.  Unable to resist the urge, I bent down to pet them as well, but they sadly pulled away, probably recognizing my scent as that of a predator.

 “Wait.  Stay still.” ordered Ella as I started to pull back.

 I grinned when one of the creatures cautiously came up to my hand, sniffing it.  Then the guivre glanced at Ella before nuzzling its head into my palm.  Unlike a fish, the guivre weren’t slimy.  The scales were solid and rough.

 “What are they thinking?” I asked, gently petting the cute creature.

 Ella rambled on about each one, speaking of how the different emotions she was getting from them.  The hungry one didn’t have to wait long, attacking a fish that came nearby.  Four of the others quickly latched onto the fish as well, tearing off chunks to eat around the first one’s coiled body.  Having visited with dragons many times, the display didn’t bother me at all, but I was a little surprised that Ella wasn’t repulsed, though she wasn’t watching either.  Maybe she couldn’t see through the water well enough to know?  I didn’t ask, hearing someone approaching from the upper sidewalk.

 “Wait.” stated a girl in Russian.  “I smell something odd.  I’m going to investigate, so I’ll catch you later, Father.”

 I barely had considered the idea of casting a spell to conceal our scent when I caught sight of the girl, crouching down to watch us.  She definitely wasn’t human, and she was downwind from us.  I couldn’t smell her to determine what she was.

 Realizing I was watching, she casually stood and started carefully walking down the steep concrete incline between us.  As she walked, she started casting spells to deter anyone else that might approach.  Mother’s spells were better.

 “Who are you, and what are you doing?  What’s down there?” she asked in perfect French.

 Ella must have told the guivre to hide, since they took off under the water to a hollow area in the riverbed.  Then she waved cheerily and said, “Hi!  I’m Ella.  Who are you?”

 The girl rushed toward us, attempting to grab Ella.  She was fast, nearly as fast as me, but I managed to catch her wrist, which shocked the girl.

 “Stop!” ordered Ella, staring at the girl.  Unfortunately, she either didn’t catch the girls eyes or the girl was warded, probably the latter.

 “You’re from the…” I started to say when the girl took a swing at me, obviously not worried about what fighting might do to her clothing.  I used a spell to lift Ella and move her away as I did my best not to hurt my attacker.

 The girl was well-trained and at least a few years older than me, so keeping up was a struggle, especially with her constantly trying to create spells to attack me.  Unlike her, I didn’t want to try hunting down Valeria, who was off somewhere with Cosette today, just to get a change of clothes.

 Moments later, I stopped caring about my clothes or the fire launched at my back.  I hurled myself past Ella to punch a tall man coming at her from behind.  He caught me with a mighty grip, and I could easily guess this was the girl’s father.  No longer worrying about our magic being seen, especially with the girl’s protections in place, I summoned the river to fight on my behalf.  Seeing a mass of water rushing up at each of them, made my attackers flinch, but I knew I didn’t have long.

 “Mila, I need your daughter!” I shouted, knowing that Crazy would get here with truly insane speed if she didn’t hold back.

 “Mila?” questioned the man, quickly using spells to fight back the river for himself and his daughter.  “You… are you James’ girl?” he asked, looking worried.

 His shocked face would have been hilarious when Crazy barreled into him had she not broken his arm in the process.  I sent the waters back into the river, since even the daughter stopped attacking when she heard my father’s name.  Then again, maybe she was shocked because her father was encased in some sort of metal.  Messy and Auntie Aaliyah had showed up too.

 “Hello, Maksim!” called Auntie Aaliyah giddily as ever.

 “Aaliyah.” he stated, all fight gone out of him.  He looked very, very white.

 “Father, who are they?” questioned Maksim’s daughter, speaking Russian again.

 “Hi, Marisha!  You should have done your studies yesterday instead of playing my game.” replied Auntie Aaliyah, her smile widening when the girl realized who was speaking.

 “I’m a huge fan of your work!” insisted Marisha as she jogged over to Auntie Aaliyah.

 “And I’m not a fan of someone who would attack cute Ella and adorable Luce without provocation.” replied Auntie Aaliyah, her grin unceasing.

 “Mom!  There was obviously a misunderstanding.  Maksim wouldn’t think of attacking the Boss’ daughter after the Boss had been so merciful before.” stated Messy quite gloomily.  She released Maksim from whatever she had encased him in and even healed his arm, making the man stare in wonder.

 Crazy sighed and asked “Are you sure he’s not a criminal?  I could totally become a caped crusader here!”  She moved and was suddenly hugging a very startled Marsiha.  “I mean this one’s definitely up to trouble, don’t you think?”

 “No, I think she was just a bit aggressive.” I replied, doing my best to ignore Crazy’s frown.  I doubted Auntie Aaliyah would kill them over this, but taking their side wouldn’t hurt.

 “Will everyone please calm down?” questioned Ella worriedly.  She’d probably forget all of this happened before we were done speaking, but no one liked upsetting Ella.

 “Aww… of course, Ella.” replied Aaliyah, making a show of running over to Ella before embracing her.  Auntie Aaliyah was everywhere, so moving was always a show for her.  Turning to look at Maksim, she said, “Aren’t you going to be late?  I’ll make sure the girls play nice.”

 “Yes, Aaliyah.  Please, forgive our rash actions.  We will gladly make amends.” replied Maksim with a nod, rushing off without waiting for a reply.

 Marisha curtsied the moment Crazy released her, saying in English, “My humblest apologies.  I should have tried speaking with you first, but I got excited to see a kid near my age who could actually fight.  I didn’t expect my father to show up.  Had I known you were James’ daughter, I would not have considered attacking you or your friend.”

 I could easily understand why.  Father had shattered Maksim’s body when they fought, because Maksim wouldn’t back down.  He still wishes that hadn’t been necessary.

 “Apology accepted.” I told her.  “I’m sorry that my friends startled you, but I knew I couldn’t fight you and your father by myself.”

 “How are you there so fast!?” questioned Marisha eagerly as she looked between Auntie Aaliyah, Messy, and Crazy.

 “They’re the fast ones.” insisted Auntie Aaliyah.  “I’m just inventive.”

 Crazy laughed, shaking her head.

 Messy frowned at her mom before saying, “Care to join us for some food?”

 Speaking quickly before Marisha could answer, I said, “Actually, there’s something I think you want to see… just over there.  Ella will need a good hour here to remember them.”

 Messy’s eyes widened as she “caught sight” of the creatures in their burrow.  I was always thankful that she wasn’t as all-knowing as her mom, or I’d always feel even more behind her than normal.  With Auntie Aaliyah actively here instead of passively watching, I knew the guivre would be safe.  Despite her antics, Auntie Aaliyah would gladly protect creatures for her daughter.  At least, she would if they didn’t need to die for some outlandishly complicated reason.  Either way, this day was far more eventful than I had expected.

#Children of BFFH #Children #of #BFFH #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

[mastcomm]

Kobe Bryant Saw His Greatness Mirrored in Gianna

The N.B.A. on Thursday is scheduled to announce the players chosen by Eastern and Western Conference coaches as All-Star Game reserves. On the internal calendar I keep, this is traditionally the ideal time to unveil my unofficial All-Star selections.

That won’t be happening this time.

In the wake of the horrific helicopter crash on Sunday that killed the legendary Kobe Bryant and eight others aboard, normal operations have been pretty much suspended for anyone who has anything to do with the N.B.A.

Bryant’s worldwide stature is obviously a huge part of that. He was one of the giants of this game, an immense figure globally, revered by the overwhelming majority of current N.B.A. players — and incomprehensibly struck down at the age of 41. Grief like this will not fade quickly.

It is doubly true in this case because Bryant’s 13-year-old daughter, Gianna, was on that helicopter with him.

Beloved by members of the University of Connecticut women’s basketball program, which she dreamed of joining someday, Gianna received a moving tribute from the team on Monday when it placed flowers and a UConn jersey bearing her No. 2 on the bench for an exhibition game against the United States national team.

“Mambacita is forever a Husky,” the school posted on Twitter, referring to the nickname that Kobe Bryant, the self-styled “Black Mamba,” had given the second-born of his four daughters.

Also on board were two of Gianna’s teammates from the AAU squad coached by her father: Alyssa Altobelli and Payton Chester. The lives of three teenage girls with so much to look forward were taken in the crash, along with those of Bryant; Alyssa’s parents, John and Keri; Payton’s mother, Sarah; Kobe’s assistant coach, Christina Mauser; and Ara Zobayan, who piloted the helicopter.

The list gets sadder every time it is recited.

Kobe Bryant was 17 when I met him, then freshly acquired by the Los Angeles Lakers. On Monday, I wrote about how he was convinced, from the first minute of his pro career, that he was bound for the Hall of Fame.

Bryant was equally convinced that Gianna was likewise destined for greatness. She was his ever-present companion at countless games in recent years — to watch her W.N.B.A. heroes, or the Huskies, or maybe on a special trip to see her favorite N.B.A. player: Trae Young of the Atlanta Hawks.

Perhaps by now you have seen the clip of Kobe from his visit to the “Jimmy Kimmel Live” show in 2018, telling the world that Gianna bristled any time she heard a fan suggest to her father that he and his wife, Vanessa Bryant, needed to have a boy to uphold Kobe’s legacy.

“She’s like, ‘Oy, I got this,’” Bryant said of Gianna, then 12.

The last time I saw Kobe, on Dec. 29 at Staples Center, he had never looked more joyful. Wearing a bright orange hoodie and a green ski cap to rep his hometown Philadelphia Eagles, Bryant was sitting courtside beside Gianna as they watched — make that studied — the Lakers’ LeBron James and Luka Doncic of the Dallas Mavericks going head-to-head.

Also in the building that night was God Shammgod, whose extraordinary dribbling ability made him a New York playground legend. Despite the briefest of N.B.A. playing careers, Shammgod has landed on the Mavericks’ staff as a player development coach — yet he remains so revered for his ball handling that, even in a coaching role, he has his own Puma signature shoe.

Days after that Lakers/Mavericks game, never realizing the sorrow that was looming, Shammgod told me some moving stories of his workouts with father and daughter — how he had the extraordinary opportunity to coach them both.

“I knew him when he wasn’t this Kobe,” Shammgod said. “He knew me when there was no Shammgod moves.”

In their high school days, Shammgod — then known as Shammgod Wells — wound up at an ABCD youth camp with Bryant in New Jersey. Kobe had spent some of his formative years in Italy, where his father, Joe “Jellybean” Bryant, was playing professionally, but Shammgod said Kobe’s fellow campers knew only that he had mostly played abroad somewhere.

“The boy from France,” Shammgod said. “That’s what we called him. After the first game, guys were saying, ‘Who’s this guy who actually thinks he’s Michael Jordan?’ He’s walking like Jordan, he’s doing every Jordan move, shooting all the balls.”

Bryant was clearly a special talent, but his ball handling was a weakness. Joe Bryant had noticed Shammgod’s slick handles and asked the 16-year-old if he could help Jellybean’s 15-year-old son.

Shammgod told the elder Bryant that he would be happy to work out with Kobe — at 6 the next morning. “I was thinking, ‘He’s not going to show,’” Shammgod said. “I get there and he’s already there.”

A bond was forged, and the two remained close. The friendship endured even as Bryant rose to stardom and his dribbling mentor was forced to scour the globe for jobs (in Poland, China, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Croatia) after an N.B.A. career that lasted just 20 games with the Washington Wizards in 1997-98.

During the All-Star break last February, Shammgod received an urgent summons from Bryant to Southern California. Kobe was now coaching Gianna’s travel team and wanted to introduce her and the rest of the squad to the move known in hoop parlance as “The Shammgod” — which requires the dribbler to bring the ball to the side with one hand to get the defender off balance, then snatch it back with the opposite hand to execute a crossover dribble. Oklahoma City’s Chris Paul and the Nets’ Kyrie Irving are two of the most accomplished modern practitioners.

Shammgod spent two days at Bryant’s Mamba Sports Academy in Thousand Oaks, Calif.

“When I say that’s all he wanted to do is dribbling, that’s all he wanted to do,” Shammgod said. “From 10 to 12 in the morning, then from 2 to 4. These girls were dribbling four hours straight without shooting the basketball.”

One-on-one tutorials with Gianna would soon follow. Shammgod said they had worked out about a dozen times over the past year. Kobe wanted to fly him in more often, but Shammgod said he had to remind him occasionally, “I work for the Mavs and I can’t leave.”

When the trio huddled at that Dec. 29 game at Staples, Gianna excitedly told the story of how she “did the Shammgod on this girl” in a recent game.

“She was so locked in,” Shammgod said. “Her mind-set was just like his mind-set.”

That was evident in a 2019 glimpse of Gianna on camera with the Las Vegas CBS affiliate during a trip to watch that season’s opener for the W.N.B.A.’s Las Vegas Aces. Explaining her fascination with film study, Gigi could not have sounded much more like her father when she said, “More information, more inspiration.”

Those of us who were there for the start of the Kobe Bean Bryant experience and watched him grow up can’t help but flash back to those early days now. Even though the journalism handbook says we’re supposed to be detached and unemotional — even at times like this — Bryant’s sudden death has been a gut punch for many scribes like me who covered him closely over the past two decades.

What messes me up most, though, is when I start thinking about Gianna Maria-Onore Bryant, her two teammates on that chopper and the shattered families that have to try to move on without them.

Gianna, Alyssa and Payton — gone at an age just a few years younger than Kobe was upon his league-shaking arrival in the N.B.A. So, so unspeakably cruel.

This newsletter is OUR newsletter. So please weigh in with what you’d like to see here. To get your hoops-loving friends and family involved, please forward this email to them so they can jump in the conversation. If you’re not a subscriber, you can sign up here.

In tribute to Kobe Bryant and his second of two jersey numbers, we present a 24-item assemblage of standout statistics from his career with the Lakers.

18

Bryant was the youngest player in N.B.A. history when he made his regular-season debut for the Lakers on Nov. 3, 1996, at 18 years and 72 days old. A future teammate with the Lakers, Andrew Bynum, eventually became the youngest player in league history at 18 years and six days old when he made his debut in 2005.

4

Only four players — all big men — made the jump directly from high school to the pros before Bryant and Portland’s Jermaine O’Neal were selected in the 1996 N.B.A. draft. Those four predecessors: Moses Malone, Darryl Dawkins, Bill Willoughby and Kevin Garnett. Shawn Kemp sat out a year after graduating high school in 1988 before he was drafted in 1989 by Seattle.

1,346

Both of the Lakers’ rookies selected in the first round of the 1996 N.B.A. draft — Bryant (1,346) and Derek Fisher (915) — rank in the top five in club history in games played.

7

Bryant started only seven games in his first two N.B.A. seasons.

4

Bryant’s four air balls in a 1997 playoff game in Utah — one at the regulation buzzer and three in overtime — came against the same Jazz franchise he riddled for 60 points in his final N.B.A. game on April 13, 2016.

3

The Lakers’ championships in three consecutive seasons — 1999-2000, 2000-01, 2001-02 — represent the league’s only three-peat this century. The Michael Jordan-led Chicago Bulls had three-peats twice in the 1990s (1990-91 through 1992-93 and 1995-96 through 1997-98).

38.3

A conversion rate of 38.3 percent in 2002-03 marked Bryant’s most successful season from the 3-point line.

35.4

Bryant’s highest single-season scoring average was 35.4 points per game in 2005-2006, the Lakers’ second season after trading away Shaquille O’Neal.

16,866

Bryant scored 16,866 points and won three of his five championships wearing No. 8 through his first 10 seasons.

16,777

He scored 16,777 points and won two championships wearing No. 24 over the final 10 seasons of his career.

20

Bryant’s 20 consecutive seasons with the Lakers left him one shy of the N.B.A. record for playing with only one team: Dirk Nowitzki’s 21 seasons with the Dallas Mavericks.

14

No other Laker played more than 14 seasons (Jerry West and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar).

81

Bryant scored 81 points against the Toronto Raptors on Jan. 22, 2006.

33

Bryant’s eruption against the Raptors, the second-highest scoring output in league history behind Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game in 1962, came just 33 days after Kobe scored 62 points in three quarters against the Dallas Mavericks.

220

Bryant appeared in 220 career playoff games, which equates to more than two and half seasons of extra wear and tear.

4

The Lakers missed the playoffs in each of Bryant’s last four seasons.

35.6

Bryant averaged just 35.6 games played over his final three seasons following his torn left Achilles’ tendon in April 2013.

11

The 60 points Bryant scored in his farewell outing beat the previous record for an N.B.A. player in his last official season by 11 points. Boston’s Larry Bird scored 49 points on March 15, 1992.

1

Bryant is the only player in league history to have two jersey numbers (No. 8 and No. 24) retired by one franchise.

18

Bryant’s 18 N.B.A. All-Star appearances are one shy of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s record 19.

3

Bryant was voted in by fans as an All-Star starter in his third season with the Lakers and in each of the subsequent 17 seasons.

$328,238,062

The value of Bryant’s contracts over 20 seasons with the Lakers, according to Basketball Reference, was nearly $330 million.

0

Bryant and LeBron James never met in a playoff game. James has made nine trips to the N.B.A. finals, winning three titles.

5-2

Bryant posted a career record of 5-2 in the N.B.A. finals, winning five championships in seven appearances.

Hit me up anytime on Twitter (@TheSteinLine) or Facebook (@MarcSteinNBA) or Instagram (@marcsteinnba). Send any other feedback to [email protected].

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#Sport

[georgegoestoparis]

DAY TWO: Lemme, Uhhhhh, Show You Around The Block

You know what blows? Alright so the apartment I’m staying in is amazing, like, it’s the cutest lil thing. The mattress is nice and firm, which I love, and the entire setup is super minimalist, which I also love, and the window opens inside entirely so you can lean your torso out of it and look out onto the street and have a smoke, and there’s even a little Philips television that’s mounted from across the bed and the shower is half-screened in and half-not and there’s three-in-one bodywash-soap-shampoo which I’m strangely a huge fan of and I could go on and on and on and on and OH MY GOD the mini-fridge is even bigger than my one in Montreal and even though it doesn’t get very cold just imagine how many fricken things I can fit in it!!!

Here is a couple of pictures:

BUT. Okay so what BLOWS? The thing smells like poop. Like, I’m not exaggerating, I’m just now getting back from my day and it’s 23:25 and I must have left at, like, 15:00 or so; that means I’ve been out for almost eight-and-a-half hours, and before I left I aerated/ventilated the room because when I arrived it smelled like poop, but when I returned, guess what the heck it smelt of? That’s right—straight up dookie. I’m definitely gonna go to a pharmacy tomorrow to buy an air freshener because I’m super sensitive to smells, and usually I can live in like literally any living environment, but when it comes to smell, for some reason I just can’t abide it, even though I know after a few minutes I’m going to stop picking it up, olfactorily speaking, but I won’t ever be able to stop thinking about how my body is just existing in this room whose scent most resembles rotting swamp farts.

Enough fecal matter talk, what did George do today? Let George tell you! This was the first full day in France; my flight was delayed for an hour, which was no biggie, and on the flight I even had the added benefit of being able to recline my seat, which was honestly a huge surprise given I flew the dirtest-cheap of airlines. The pilot was really hilarious; he spoke in some sort of accent from the UK, I think, but from where, exactly, I couldn’t place, and he kept making these tongue-in-cheek jokes about how it was the airport’s fault that we were late, and how he’s “going to have to make up” for it. Still, the flight itself was extremely hot, and, given that it was a redeye, I tried to sleep through it, only to wake up every few minutes drenched in sweat. I’m really sorry for the people who tried to sit next to me.

This is a list of albums that I listened to from start-to-finish while on the flight, in no particular order:

MBV - My Bloody Valentine

Giles Corey - Giles Corey

Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill - Grouper

A I A - Grouper

Deliquescence - Swans

Mirror Reaper - Bell Witch

The Juno soundtrack (many times)

I also listened to that “A Real Hero” song from Drive by College & Electric Youth several times throughout, but never back-to-back. It made me feel a lot of things, especially with the plane’s extinguished lighting, staring out of the window at blackness, or the occasional unsightable cloud.

Holy crap though, even landing in France was a trip in itself; after getting on the subway towards Clichy, which is where my apartment is this week (around fifteen minutes from Paris proper via public transit), I felt sort of like when I took the bus into Montreal proper for the first time. Something about the combined architecture, the fashion, the manner in which people were interacting with one another, the smell, made me feel really welcome. It also helped that I can actually speak French here? Having taken French courses sans-Quebec accent and sans-Quebec grammar/slang/etc. etc., going back to France French was extraordinary; nobody switched to English, and I could actually say full sentences without people looking at me really strangely, and I didn’t feel like I had a brain tumour or anything, or really self-conscious, or something.

This isn’t to say that I “prefer” it to Montreal, or anything remotely so; once I put my luggage in the apartment, I made my way into Paris, and felt more than mildly intoxicated by its streets, its old buildings, its atmosphere. Still, I couldn’t ever see myself truly living here; something about its city-ness seems to impose its city-ness on you, and I don’t think I could ever feel comfortable enough being somewhere for an extended period of time if I felt its external influence on my own actions and thoughts and perceptions.

Still, Jesus Christ, what an amazing city; I felt like “banging” every single alleyway and streetcorner, and engaging in “aggressive sexual acts” with the various brasseries and cafes and apartment buildings. I did a handful of touristey things, walked to Moulin Rouge, walked to Sacre Coeur. I posed as a Parisian, ate a lunch of arugula salad and an espresso and a cigarette. The most fun I had was just wandering around, without any set destination; something about whimsically choosing a street based on absolutely nothing (as, what really is “gut instinct” anyways?) felt really freeing, I think, maybe, possibly.

I’m realizing now just how bad this post must be; I really do apologise for this. I haven’t gotten any good sleep for a while now, and tonight is going to be no different, so my thoughts are just this gigantic pile of sludge. Sludge, sludge, sludge. I appreciate if you’re wading through it, I really do.

Let’s go over the highlight of the day, before I pass the heck out: I was feeling “famished” around dinnertime, I guess, and I chose this little brasserie to sit down at (that’s another thing, you just seat yourself!! What a wonder!! No talking to anyone, just, if there’s a free table, sit your ass down and wait for someone to come!) I ate another salad, this time with anchovies, which weren’t salty at all like American anchovies, but tasted slightly of chicken (they weren’t chicken, I promise, despite my nonexistent taste buds). I spent a couple of hours sitting there, watching people pass, eavesdropping on the conversation next to mine. I think the best part of all of this was when the waitress came by after I had ordered my salad, and asked me if I was “sure that I wanted anchovies,” because “what I had ordered came with a lot of anchovies.” I was able to respond to her that I “really liked anchovies, and that I was really excited,” which made her grin and laugh. This is the furthest I’ve gotten in a conversation in pure French with a complete stranger, ever. I felt really accomplished. Then I ate my salad and it was pretty good and I eavesdropped more on the table next to me, consisting of five-to-seven people in their mid-twenties. It made me feel like I was being social, without actually having to be social, which is my ideal sort of socializing.

I’m planning on waking up really early tomorrow, just so that I don’t allow myself to fall into any pattern of jetlag. I’m going to wake at six and go for a run, I think. I feel good that I’m here. I feel good about this. I miss Montreal a lot, and it’s going to make it even better to return there, after all this, but I’m also glad to be apart from the city for awhile, away from all the ghosts and stuff that reside there. I wish some of you were here with me to take it in. 

Here are some more photographs I took:

I like this last photo because it was when I met this fox friend, or, like, ferret? I’m not sure what they are but they’re really cute; their name is James.

I’m going to go and take my second shower of the day now; I really like showers.

“The flower said, ‘I wish I was a tree’ The tree said, ‘I wish I could be A different kind of tree’ The cat wished that it was a bee The turtle wished that it could fly Really high into the sky Over rooftops and then dive Deep into the sea” -Tree Hugger, Kimya Dawson & Antsy Pants

[tipsoctopus]

Arsenal: Is Unai Emery the right man to replace Wenger?

We're coming up to a huge moment in Arsenal Football Club's modern history. Two weeks ago Arsene Wenger finally departed the Emirates Stadium which has put down the foundations for a new and potentially exciting era, but it's so important that the Arsenal board get this appointment correct. Wenger's position at the club has been under scrutiny for some time and there's no doubt that sentiment came into the boards decision to delay his departure for so long.

But now with him out the door, someone has the chance to write an exciting new chapter in the clubs history and that someone is Unai Emery. The Emirates hot seat has looked destined to be filled by Mikel Arteta for sometime, but the availability of Emery following his departure from PSG has earned him a move to the Emirates Stadium. The 43 year-old was as big as 40/1 to replace Wenger a couple of weeks ago so it's a move that's really gathered pace very quickly. With his appointment now confirmed we've taken a look at just why Arsenal have gone for him and what he can bring to the club.

A new era is about to begin at Arsenal

Ten trophies in five years

Due to the nature of Arsenal's last few seasons it's essential that they appoint someone who has a track record of winning trophies. The Gunners have only won three FA Cup's over the last thirteen years which has seen them fall significantly behind their domestic rivals. Their last Premier League success came back in 2004 and they ended this season a huge 37 points behind eventual Champions Manchester City - so Emery has an awful lot of work to do. No one will be expecting them to turn into Premier League winners instantly, but a return to the Champions League is a huge priority.

In Emery they have someone who knows what it takes to succeed at a very high level, with him fresh from enjoying trophy laden spells with Sevilla and PSG. In his homeland he won three successive Europa League titles which had previously never been done, and it's something Arsenal fans would be desperate for as it would ensure that they return to Europe's top table. With PSG he won seven pieces of silverware in two years and despite the job being somewhat 'easier', he still enhanced his reputation in the game. Arsenal need someone who knows it takes to perform at a big club and Emery's CV suggests that he's ready to move to the Premier League.

Unai Emery enjoyed a hugely successful stint with Sevilla - winning three successive Europa League titles

Player Recruitment

An extremely important part of the job and it's something that needs to be spot on if he's to achieve success in North London. Arsenal's squad does contain quality but there's some huge holes that need filling, mainly at the back. The Gunners conceded a huge 51 Premier League goals this season, the highest of any side in the top seven and if they're to compete again it's essential that they address this problem. Reports claim that he's 'only' going to be given a budget of around £50m to try make Arsenal competitive again - peanuts when you see the money that Chelsea and the two Manchester clubs throw about.

The two club record outlays on Alexandre Lacazette (£46.5m) and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (£55m) over the last twelve months proved that they do have the cash to spend but those captures have evidently hit them hard if the £50m budget is correct - meaning Emery has to sell to buy. That's going to make the job much tougher but he has an excellent record of bringing in players for decent fees and getting the best out of them. Players such as Carlos Bacca (£7m), Aleix Vidal (£3m), Ever Banega (£2m) and Grzegroz Krychowiak (£2m) were all sensational for him in Spain and he needs to replicate his transfer success here if Arsenal are to improve on their disappointing 17/18 campaign.

However, whether he has that much say in actual player movements is another matter. The appointment of former Borussia Dortmund scout Sven Mislintat as the clubs head of recruitment was reportedly a big factor in Arteta's move to the Emirates being called off. Mislintat has a lot of power behind the scenes at the club and played a big part in the arrivals of Mkhitaryan and Aubameyang in January. At PSG Emery didn't really have too much of a say in transfers, with the likes of Neymar and Kylian Mbappe brought in on mega money & clearly orchestrated by the board.

Arsenal spent big on Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in January but they need to sustain that level if they're to stop the gap between themselves and the top four growing

Man management

One of the most crucial aspects of any managerial role is being able to guide and inspire your players in the right way. If he isn't to have the final say on players coming into the club then he needs to be able to motivate them and get them playing to the best of their ability. His time in Spain with Sevilla shows that he can do this, but over in England it's a different matter. There's essentially six teams competing for four Champions League spots so the margin for error is much smaller. Arsenal do have some talented players and with the right guidance you'd like to think that they can produce the performances that we expect from them. The likes of Hector Bellerin, Saed Kolasinac and Granit Xhaka have so much more to offer based on last seasons performances & if he can get the best out of what he's got it will make his life much easier.

He arrives in London from Paris and his time in France was fairly mixed to say the least - which seems strange considering that he won seven trophies in two years. The sheer number of egos on the books at the Parc des Princes tested his man management skills to the max and it's pretty fair to say he had a tough time. Player power behind the scenes mainly revolving around Neymar questioned his leadership and he can't afford to let that seep into the Emirates dressing room. If he gets this right there's no doubt he will do well with the Gunners.

Player power had a huge say in Emery's exit from PSG this summer

Will he be a success?

The million dollar question. The end of Arsene Wenger's tenure at the Emirates turned pretty sour but there's no doubt that Emery has absolutely massive boots to fill. We've all seen how tough it's been for Manchester United to replace Sir Alex Ferguson in the years since he retired, so the grass isn't necessarily greener for the Gunners. However, no one can argue that the change at the Emirates was needed and it's going to be an interesting - but exciting - season for Arsenal supporters. Emery has all the credentials to succeed in North London but it's not going to be an overnight job. He needs time to succeed and his CV suggests that if they're patient with him it could well pay off.

His time in Paris was a huge step up in what he's been used to over in Spain and the being in the spotlight alongside stars such as Neymar, Edinson Cavani and Kylian Mbappe would've only improved him as a manager - despite the difficult issues behind the scenes. If he can have some say in recruitment and can get the best out of some Arsenal players that have clearly lost their way recently, we can see him being a breathe of fresh air at the Emirates. For too long Arsenal players have had things too easy so a new man to impress should surely improve performances on the pitch and in time restore that winning mentality back in North London.

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[njawaidofficial]

Oscars: Inside Best Actor, Best Actress Categories

https://styleveryday.com/2018/03/01/oscars-inside-best-actor-best-actress-categories/

Oscars: Inside Best Actor, Best Actress Categories

Newcomers mix with the old guard in the battle for this year’s best leading performances.

Some have been working the awards circuit for a year after snowy, showy premieres at the Sundance Film Festival. Others saw glitzy debuts at the Venice or Telluride film festivals and one hit the scene only weeks ago with his film’s Christmas bow.

Now as their date with Oscar destiny looms Sunday at the Dolby Theater in Hollywood, the nominated stars reflect once more on their work.

Here, THR takes a closer look at each of the actor categories, followed by Oscar night predictions.

Best Actress

Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water

Hawkins faced several challenges on her way to landing a best actress nomination for The Shape of Water, her second following a best supporting actress nomination for 2013’s Blue Jasmine. In Guillermo del Toro’s love story, her character, Elisa, a cleaning woman at a top-secret government facility, is mute (which meant the actress had to learn sign language), while her romantic interest (played by Doug Jones) is a fishlike creature with whom she engages in a lengthy dance scene.

Del Toro wrote the role with Hawkins, 41, in mind, despite the fact that he’d never met her at the time. For her part, Hawkins credits Jones’ own humanity with allowing her to look past his rubber suit and see the human being beneath.

“We had a lot of rehearsal dance-wise,” Hawkins said. “I was there weeks [before]. I would be there months before, if I could. Sometimes you don’t get that luxury of time. Guillermo knew it was essential to have that rehearsal period.… That was just key to getting to know [Doug] and loving him as a human being. Doug Jones is an extraordinary human. And such a gift.” – Aaron Couch

Saoirse Ronan, Lady Bird

In the coming-of-age story, the Irish actress plays an eccentric 2000s-era teen growing up in California’s Central Valley, desperate to get out. Ronan, who at just 23 has earned her third Oscar nomination, following nominations for her work in Brooklyn in 2016 and Atonement in 2008. 

“Lady Bird shows the beauty and the frustration of being a teenager, especially around that age when you’re just about to leave home and you just want to get out of the place where you grew up,” Ronan said. “I really identify with that juxtaposition of confidence and insecurity and how you can really believe in yourself, but not quite know exactly what you believe in. I knew that that complexity would be something that would really have to be thought out. The challenge of that really excited me.” – Mia Galuppo

Margot Robbie, I, Tonya

Robbie already was becoming known — for her breakout role in The Wolf of Wall Street and for playing the demented villain Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad — but the Australian actress, 27, proved her range by portraying infamous figure skater Tonya Harding in I, Tonya. 

Robbie earned her first Oscar nomination for playing the ice champ from ages 15 through 40 in the dark comedy, which attempts to explain how an athlete with such raw talent could land at the center of the sport’s biggest scandal. 

“When I picked up the script, I didn’t really see any similarities, and that’s what excited me about the character,” Robbie says about whether she had anything in common with Harding. “The character seemed so foreign to me, and it’s always something I find with the characters that I really love is that to begin with I can’t see any level that we relate on and then, as I explore the character, I suddenly find that we relate in so many ways. That just kind of comes out when putting yourself in the mind-set of someone else. I think if anyone does that, they’ll find empathy there and find a way to connect and find small or big things to relate to their character.” – Rebecca Ford

Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

In Martin McDonagh’s dark comedy, McDormand, 60, plays a mother out for justice for her murdered daughter. The role, which earned her a fifth Oscar nomination (she won in 1997 for Fargo), sees her character, Mildred, go up against the local police chief (Woody Harrelson) and a racist cop (Sam Rockwell) in several spectacular battles of wits and insults. Harrelson spoke about his infamously press-averse sparring partner and how they created one of the most memorable scenes in the film.

“I know Frances pretty well,” says Harrelson. “We’ve been friends for quite a while, and we also worked on [2005’s] North Country together. As a person, she’s incredible, very kind of almost matriarchal — she mothers people, she looks after people. But to work with her is another thing entirely. To actually get into an involved scene is very exciting because I’m such a fan of her as an actor.” – Seth Abramovitch

Meryl Streep, The Post

Streep holds the record for acting Oscar nominations, with her work in Steven Spielberg’s The Post — playing Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham — marking her 21st nomination. 

 “She’s not only the greatest actress — the greatest actor, I should say — of our times, she’s also probably one of the greatest dramaturges of our time,” co-screenwriter Josh Singer said. “She’s like a heat-seeking missile with scenes. Sometimes it’s with lines and sometimes it’s performance, because Meryl doesn’t give you the obvious reading of any line, she doesn’t even give you the second most obvious reading of any line. She tends to give you the 15th most obvious read of any line. And so there were any number of times, it was like, does her performance here fit the arc? And then the first time I saw the cut, I started screaming at the screen because all those moments that I had questioned during the shooting turned out to be brilliant. We build an arc that’s a rough sketch in pencil, and when she’s through with it, it is a beautiful oil painting, a gorgeous work of art.” – Rebecca Ford

Who Should Win: Saoirse Ronan

Margot Robbie and Meryl Streep were both very good but not on the level of Sally Hawkins, Frances McDormand and Saoirse Ronan, all exceptional in very fine films which are unthinkable without them. Arguably, Hawkins plays the most unusual character, while McDormand makes the strongest moment-to-moment impression. But cumulatively, with this performance coming on the heels of her very different coming-of-age turn in Brooklyn, I can only once again champion the ever-revelatory Ronan (if both she and Timothee Chalamet were to win, their combined ages would be less than those of most of the other nominees). – THR Chief Film Critic Todd McCarthy

Who Will Win: Frances McDormand

McDormand won this award 21 years ago for Fargo, and she’s about to join an elite group of 13 who have won it more than once. Sally Hawkins, Saoirse Ronan and Meryl Streep also anchor best pic nominees, and Margot Robbie has the more Oscar-friendly narrative (beautiful movie star morphs into less beautiful real person, and produced her own pic). But none of the others have been able to accrue any momentum because McDormand — for a John Wayne-esque turn that captures the anger felt by many of us right now — has run the table on them at other awards shows. – THR Awards Analyst Scott Feinberg

Best Actor

Timothee Chalamet, Call Me By Your Name

Chalamet’s awards season marathon began more than a year ago at Sundance, where Call Me by Your Name, Luca Guadagnino’s Italy-set romantic drama in which Chalamet stars as an erudite teen experiencing his first love, premiered. The actor, 22, received his first nomination for his work opposite Armie Hammer.

“Getting to meet Jennifer Lawrence and hearing her say she was moved by the film is on one side of the crazy-gratifying experience of this movie,” Chalamet said. “On the other side would be my sister saying that she saw so much of [our upbringing in] France represented on the screen and communicated within the lines of this story; it felt very true to us. There have been a lot of reactions that have been really heartwarming, from people I don’t know, and also from friends and family who can appreciate the film for what it is but also can see me underneath peeking through.” – Mia Galuppo

Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour

More than 30 years after he broke out playing the emaciated punk rocker Sid Vicious in Sid & Nancy, Oldman, 59, has ventured to the other side of both the waistline and the British class spectrum for Darkest Hour. It took a sizable effort to persuade the actor that he could become Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who led the U.K. through World War II, but the allied forces of producer Eric Fellner, Anthony McCarten’s script, Joe Wright in the director’s chair, makeup artist extraordinaire Kazuhiro Tsuji, and a 14-pound fat suit and silicon face mask did the job.

“God bless Eric Fellner, who I had started my career with,” Oldman said. “I’d done other things before Sid & Nancy, but you could say it was that movie where they say you ‘arrived on the scene.’ And he thought of me for it. And it was five weeks of Churchill’s life, it’s not really a biopic. It wasn’t a huge, great big epic transformation in that sense. Then I went in and started to read around that period and learned things from the script I didn’t know. I just thought, ‘Can that be right? Were we that perilously close?’ And so it just grabbed me.” – Alex Ritman

Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out

From British TV to a small role in 2015’s Sicario to the lead in record-smashing cultural phenomenon Get Out, Kaluuya’s star trajectory has reached a new peak with his first Oscar nomination, not to mention a role in the movie of the moment, Black Panther. 

“I just knew that I’d never seen something like it before,” Kaluuya, 28, said of Get Out. “I mean, the image of a young black man strangling a young white woman — it could go either way! So I just kind of kept going. I didn’t know what was going to happen, because there’s never been anything like this. And that’s the same with Black Panther, because there’s been nothing like it.” – Alex Ritman

Denzel Washington, Roman J. Israel, Esq.

Washington, 63, earned his eighth acting nomination (and ninth overall) for playing the eccentric titular defense attorney at the center of Dan Gilroy’s courtroom drama, Roman J. Israel, Esq.

“For me, it’s all about the work — it’s all about growing and trying to learn and get better as an actor,” Washington said. “I really got stretched doing Roman J. Israel. I started doing a lot of research about the spectrum and Asperger’s. I felt like there was evidence in the script that made me feel that this man was on the spectrum. Dan and I talked about it and just did a lot of research in what that entails.” – Rebecca Ford

Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread

Day-Lewis is known for his obsessive work as an actor, involving himself with every aspect of production and staying in character for the length of every shoot. In what the 60-year-old has said will be his last role, he channeled that intensity into Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Thread, starring as Reynolds Woodcock, a passionate designer whose work comes before any of the women in his life, including muse Alma (Vicky Krieps) and sister Cyril (Lesley Manville). Manville, who scored a supporting actress nomination for her role, recalls their collaboration.

“We grew up in London in the ’80s and the early part of the ’90s, so we had a big crossover of friends, but we never actually met,” she says. “I was asked to do Phantom Thread seven months before shooting began, so we got to know each other during that time. Our relationship was instantly easy, which boded very well to be Reynolds and Cyril, who have been lifelong companions and are very comfortable with each other, comfortable in silence with each other. We really get on, and we share an enormous sense of humor. We ended up being very good siblings.” – Seth Abramovitch

Who Should Win: Timothee Chalamet

Once Oscar night is over, is anyone even going to remember that Denzel Washington was in a film called Roman J. Israel, Esq.? Daniel Kaluuya’s presence is also something of a surprise, while Gary Oldman, who seems to be the odds-on favorite to win, delivers a better-than-expected impersonation of Winston Churchill while still seeming not to be genuinely suited for the role. As the Academy has demonstrated three times, it’s hard to deny Daniel Day-Lewis. But I would vote for Call Me by Your Name’s startlingly fine leading man, newcomer Timothee Chalamet. – THR Chief Film Critic Todd McCarthy

Who Will Win: Gary Oldman

Forget about Roman J. Israel, Esq.’s Denzel Washington — the nom’s the win for him. Don’t totally write off Daniel Day-Lewis for his last rodeo (in Phantom Thread) or Daniel Kaluuya or Timothee Chalamet for their first, as each anchors a best picture nominee. But so does Oldman, who, unlike the others, has both paid his dues and never won. His transformation into Churchill — already recognized with every major precursor award — is just the sort of thing Academy members eat up. – THR Awards Analyst Scott Feinberg

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[lyesattou10-blog1]

Blog Assignment #2  Lyes Attou 6129498

          Through​ ​my​ ​first​ ​2​ ​blog​ ​posts,​ ​I​ ​elaborated​ ​on​ ​events​ ​that​ ​I​ ​physically​ ​attended.​ ​Thanks to​ ​the​ ​course​ ​material​ ​that​ ​I​ ​learned​ ​in​ ​class​ ​and​ ​through​ ​the​ ​readings​ ​it​ ​allowed​ ​me​ ​to​ ​become more​ ​interested​ ​in​ ​covering​ ​my​ ​audience​ ​experience​ ​this​ ​time​ ​through​ ​television​ ​more specifically​ ​NFL​ ​games.​ ​As​ ​stated​ ​previously​ ​being​ ​new​ ​to​ ​Canada​ ​has​ ​allowed​ ​me​ ​to​ ​invest​ ​in different​ ​sports​ ​that​ ​were​ ​not​ ​common​ ​in​ ​France​ ​and​ ​Europe​ ​in​ ​general.​ ​The​ ​various​ ​media outlets​ ​and​ ​advertisements​ ​incorporated​ ​in​ ​mass​ ​media​ ​in​ ​European​ ​corporations​ ​differs completely​ ​from​ ​what​ ​is​ ​being​ ​showcased​ ​in​ ​Northern​ ​America.​ ​Also​ ​the​ ​goal​ ​at​ ​aiming​ ​specific target​ ​audiences​ ​is​ ​different​ ​because​ ​of​ ​the​ ​economic​ ​differences​ ​in​ ​France​ ​is​ ​substantially different​ ​to​ ​North​ ​America.​ ​The​ ​ratio​ ​between​ ​rich​ ​and​ ​poor​ ​is​ ​much​ ​more​ ​unbalanced​ ​compared to​ ​North​ ​America​ ​where​ ​middle​ ​class​ ​is​ ​more​ ​of​ ​a​ ​norm.​ ​Furthermore​ ​this​ ​leads​ ​to​ ​a​ ​decreased amount​ ​of​ ​households​ ​that​ ​have​ ​access​ ​to​ ​either​ ​television’s,​ ​radio’s​ ​contrast​ ​to​ ​here​ ​where​ ​most families​ ​have​ ​access​ ​to​ ​those​ ​technological​ ​devices.​ ​This​ ​results​ ​in​ ​major​ ​advertisements​ ​to appeal​ ​to​ ​a​ ​smaller​ ​percentage​ ​of​ ​the​ ​demographic​ ​rather​ ​than​ ​the​ ​majority​ ​of​ ​the​ ​population​ ​due to​ ​its​ ​accessibility.

​            ​Moving​ ​forward​ ​to​ ​the​ ​NFL​ ​the​ ​league​ ​generates​ ​the​ ​highest​ ​revenues​ ​out​ ​of all​ ​sports​ ​associations​ ​around​ ​the​ ​world​ ​including​ ​the​ ​different​ ​soccer​ ​leagues​ ​around​ ​the​ ​world. On​ ​Sunday​ ​evenings​ ​and​ ​Monday​ ​nights​ ​it​ ​also​ ​earn​ ​the​ ​right​ ​to​ ​have​ ​the​ ​highest​ ​viewership rating​ ​on​ ​the​ ​Nielsen​ ​scale​ ​in​ ​the​ ​last​ ​couple​ ​years.​ ​However​ ​these​ ​ratings​ ​took​ ​a​ ​hit​ ​this​ ​season which​ ​will​ ​be​ ​touched​ ​on​ ​later​ ​on​ ​the​ ​blog.​ ​​ ​​ ​Through​ ​the​ ​following​ ​blog​ ​post​ ​I​ ​will​ ​be introducing​ ​what​ ​the​ ​NFL​ ​is​ ​all​ ​about,​ ​how​ ​it​ ​sets​ ​itself​ ​apart​ ​from​ ​other​ ​major​ ​sporting associations,​ ​how​ ​new​ ​forms​ ​of​ ​media​ ​play​ ​a​ ​role​ ​in​ ​enhancing​ ​the​ ​viewership​ ​experience​ ​for​ ​the league​ ​and​ ​also​ ​talking​ ​about​ ​my​ ​uses​ ​and​ ​gratifications​ ​off​ ​watching​ ​football​ ​on​ ​TV.

To​ ​summarize​ ​as​ ​a​ ​whole​ ​what​ ​the​ ​NFL​ ​holds​ ​thirty​ ​two​ ​teams​ ​based​ ​in​ ​America​ ​which is​ ​formatted​ ​as​ ​the​ ​following.​ ​There​ ​are​ ​two​ ​conferences​ ​in​ ​the​ ​league​ ​with​ ​sixteen​ ​teams​ ​in​ ​each conferenced​ ​named​ ​AFC​ ​and​ ​NFC.​ ​​ ​Each​ ​teams​ ​play​ ​sixteen​ ​games​ ​during​ ​the​ ​regular​ ​season followed​ ​by​ ​the​ ​playoffs.​ ​In​ ​order​ ​to​ ​participate​ ​in​ ​the​ ​playoffs​ ​you​ ​must​ ​finish​ ​in​ ​the​ ​top​ ​six​ ​of your​ ​conference.​ ​From​ ​the​ ​playoffs​ ​two​ ​teams​ ​from​ ​both​ ​conferences​ ​plays​ ​as​ ​we​ ​all​ ​know​ ​as​ ​the “Super​ ​Bowl”.​ ​​ ​However​ ​in​ ​the​ ​past​ ​decade​ ​it​ ​became​ ​more​ ​than​ ​just​ ​a​ ​sports​ ​league​ ​but​ ​it​ ​grew as​ ​a​ ​corporation​ ​as​ ​a​ ​whole.​ ​The​ ​NFL​ ​holds​ ​twenty​ ​six​ ​major​ ​sponsors​ ​in​ ​total(Visa,​ ​Pepsi, Verizon)​ ​just​ ​to​ ​name​ ​a​ ​few.​ ​It​ ​generates​ ​a​ ​total​ ​of​ ​thirteen​ ​billion​ ​dollars​ ​yearly​ ​far​ ​ahead​ ​the MLB​ ​that​ ​generates​ ​nine​ ​billion​ ​dollars​ ​yearly.​ ​ESPN,​ ​Fox,​ ​CBS,​ ​NBC,​ ​and​ ​Direct​ ​TV​ ​reached​ ​a deal​ ​with​ ​the​ ​NFL​ ​to​ ​pay​ ​$6​ ​billion​ ​annually​ ​that​ ​started​ ​in​ ​2014.​ ​This​ ​revenue​ ​was​ ​increased​ ​50 percent​ ​compared​ ​to​ ​the​ ​2012​ ​season.  

Nielsen​ ​Rating

In​ ​the​ ​course​ ​reading​ ​they​ ​defined​ ​rating​ ​as​ ​the​ ​following "a​ ​rating​ ​is​ ​a​ ​ratio​ ​of​ ​how​ ​many households​ ​are​ ​watching​ ​a​ ​particular​ ​program​ ​out​ ​of​ ​all​ ​television​ ​households​ ​in​ ​the​ ​US (Sullivan,​ ​94).​“ ​ ​​ Nielsen​ ​himself​ ​suggested​ ​that​ ​there​ ​were​ ​roughly​ ​112.8​ ​million​ ​television households​ ​in​ ​the​ ​United​ ​states​ ​in​ ​2007.​ ​Throughout​ ​various​ ​surveys​ ​and​ ​measurements​ ​they came​ ​to​ ​the​ ​conclusion​ ​that​ ​Sunday​ ​night​ ​football​ ​and​ ​Monday​ ​night​ ​football​ ​were​ ​the​ ​most viewed​ ​program​ ​on​ ​television​ ​in​ ​the​ ​US.​ ​It​ ​wasn’t​ ​until​ ​2007​ ​that​ ​Nielsen​ ​implemented​ ​college and​ ​university​ ​dormitories​ ​as​ ​a​ ​households.​ ​In​ ​figure​ ​4.2​ ​on​ ​page​ ​89(Sullivan)​ ​they​ ​illustrated​ ​a diagram​ ​that​ ​showcases​ ​the​ ​daily​ ​viewers​ ​between​ ​18-24​ ​then​ ​total​ ​viewers​ ​aged​ ​18-49.​ ​This resulted​ ​in​ ​​NBC​ ​Sunday​ ​night​ ​football​ ​​and​​ ​CBS​ ​NFL​ ​national​ ​​having​ ​the​ ​largest​ ​male​ ​viewers which​ ​totaled​ ​up​ ​too​ ​7,070​ ​in​ ​total​ ​for​ ​CBS​ ​and​ ​6.332​ ​total​ ​viewers​ ​for​ ​NBC.​ ​The​ ​Super​ ​Bowl viewership​ ​has​ ​ranged​ ​from​ ​39.8​ ​million​ ​in​ ​1969​ ​to​ ​106.5​ ​million​ ​in​ ​2010.​ ​​ ​As​ ​of​ ​2013,​ ​three Super​ ​Bowl​ ​games​ ​ranked​ ​as​ ​the​ ​top​ ​three​ ​most​ ​viewed​ ​programs​ ​in​ ​United​ ​States​ ​television history;​ ​the​ ​top​ ​watched​ ​event​ ​was​ ​the​ ​2012​ ​Super​ ​Bowl​ ​XLVI​ ​with​ ​111.3​ ​million,​ ​the​ ​second most​ ​watched​ ​event​ ​was​ ​the​ ​2011​ ​Super​ ​Bowl​ ​XLV​ ​with​ ​111​ ​million,​ ​and​ ​the​ ​2013​ ​Super​ ​Bowl XLVII​ ​was​ ​ranked​ ​in​ ​third​ ​place​ ​with​ ​108.4million​ ​people​ ​(ESPN,​ ​2013).​ ​Since​ ​1972​ ​the​ ​Super Bowl​ ​has​ ​been​ ​viewed​ ​by​ ​over​ ​40​ ​%​ ​of​ ​households​ ​in​ ​America.​ ​The​ ​biggest​ ​revenue​ ​for​ ​the​ ​NFL are​ ​of​ ​course​ ​advertisements.​ ​Just​ ​to​ ​show​ ​you​ ​how​ ​much​ ​they​ ​can​ ​make​ ​in​ ​one​ ​day​ ​during​ ​the Super​ ​Bowl​ ​a​ ​thirty​ ​second​ ​commercial​ ​will​ ​cost​ ​the​ ​company​ ​five​ ​million​ ​dollars​ ​which​ ​is $166,667​ ​per​ ​second. Due​ ​to​ ​the​ ​popularity​ ​of​ ​the​ ​event​ ​Ads​ ​will​ ​tend​ ​to​ ​try​ ​their​ ​best​ ​to influence​ ​the​ ​audience​ ​into​ ​buying​ ​the​ ​product​ ​by​ ​releasing​ ​the​ ​best​ ​commercial​ ​of​ ​the​ ​year​ ​yet which​ ​relates​ ​to​ ​Jhally’s​ ​point​ ​that​ ​“connecting​ ​the​ ​act​ ​of​ ​watching​ ​commercials​ ​to​ ​a​ ​form​ ​of productive​ ​labor​ ​that​ ​generates​ ​economic​ ​value(and​ ​surplus​ ​value)​ ​for​ ​broadcasters,​ ​for​ ​which the​ ​audience​ ​receives​ ​payment​ ​in​ ​the​ ​form​ ​of​ ​the​ ​programming​ ​itself”​(Sullivan,82).  However​ ​this​ ​year​ ​the​ ​ratings​ ​took​ ​a​ ​huge​ ​drop​ ​because​ ​of​ ​what​ ​is​ ​going​ ​around​ ​the league.​ ​Since​ ​the​ ​current​ ​President​ ​of​ ​the​ ​United​ ​States​ ​Donald​ ​trump​ ​publicly​ ​called​ ​out​ ​the hundreds​ ​of​ ​professional​ ​athletes​ ​kneeling​ ​during​ ​the​ ​national​ ​anthem​ ​it​ ​divided​ ​the​ ​NFL​ ​fan base​ ​into​ ​two​ ​sides.​ ​One​ ​side​ ​takes​ ​advantage​ ​of​ ​the​ ​platform​ ​they​ ​are​ ​given​ ​to​ ​create​ ​awareness towards​ ​police​ ​abuse​ ​and​ ​discrimination​ ​towards​ ​minorities​ ​while​ ​the​ ​other​ ​side​ ​views​ ​it​ ​more​ ​in a​ ​patriotic​ ​way.​ ​They​ ​believe​ ​that​ ​kneeling​ ​during​ ​the​ ​national​ ​anthem​ ​is​ ​disrespectful​ ​to​ ​the people​ ​fighting​ ​for​ ​the​ ​country​ ​abroad.​ ​The​ ​two​ ​sides​ ​of​ ​understanding​ ​the​ ​whole​ ​situation​ ​are completely​ ​necessary,​ ​with​ ​each​ ​side​ ​interpreting​ ​the​ ​situation​ ​differently.​ ​One​ ​portion​ ​of​ ​the audience​ ​will​ ​see​ ​themselves​ ​represented​ ​by​ ​the​ ​players​ ​kneeling​ ​while​ ​the​ ​other​ ​side​ ​is​ ​being introduced​ ​to​ ​a​ ​whole​ ​circumstance​ ​that​ ​they’ve​ ​never​ ​had​ ​to​ ​witness​ ​in​ ​the​ ​past.​ ​​ ​This​ ​of​ ​course points​ ​back​ ​to​ ​​Stanley​ ​Fish’s​ ​interpretive​ ​community​ ​theory​.​ ​In​ ​the​ ​Nielsen​ ​report​ ​this​ ​led​ ​to an​ ​increase​ ​of​ ​African​ ​Americans​ ​viewing​ ​the​ ​NFL​ ​while​ ​there​ ​was​ ​a​ ​decrease​ ​in​ ​white viewership. 

  Uses​ ​and​ ​gratification 

With​ ​the​ ​exposure​ ​of​ ​mass​ ​media,​ ​sports​ ​fans​ ​are​ ​able​ ​to​ ​enjoy​ ​games​ ​in​ ​real​ ​time​ ​in​ ​their homes.​ ​​ ​While​ ​just​ ​watching​ ​sports​ ​broadcasts,​ ​fans​ ​are​ ​likely​ ​to​ ​share​ ​the​ ​game​ ​experience​ ​with family,​ ​friends,​ ​and​ ​other​ ​fans​ ​who​ ​are​ ​following​ ​the​ ​same​ ​team.​ ​​ ​Social​ ​media​ ​is​ ​another​ ​tool while​ ​watching​ ​games​ ​as​ ​various​ ​fans​ ​participate​ ​in​ ​different​ ​social​ ​media​ ​pages​ ​while​ ​the​ ​game is​ ​actually​ ​going​ ​on.​ ​During​ ​Sundays​ ​Football​ ​is​ ​one​ ​of​ ​the​ ​most​ ​trending​ ​topics​ ​on​ ​twitter.​ ​When I​ ​first​ ​arrived​ ​in​ ​Canada​ ​it​ ​was​ ​hard​ ​not​ ​too​ ​watch​ ​football​ ​due​ ​to​ ​it’s​ ​popularity​ ​on​ ​social​ ​media as​ ​well​ ​as​ ​everyday​ ​conversations​ ​with​ ​people.​ ​This​ ​leads​ ​to​ ​my​ ​point​ ​of​ ​Uses​ ​and​ ​Gratification. Theorist​ ​considers​ ​how​ ​and​ ​why​ ​the​ ​people​ ​use​ ​the​ ​media.​ ​​ ​I​ ​personally​ ​use​ ​social​ ​media​ ​during games​ ​to​ ​start​ ​debates​ ​about​ ​certain​ ​topics​ ​around​ ​the​ ​league​ ​also​ ​to​ ​check​ ​on​ ​updates​ ​about specific​ ​teams​ ​and​ ​players.​ ​These​ ​different​ ​media​ ​outlets​ ​allows​ ​me​ ​to​ ​suit​ ​my​ ​own​ ​needs​ ​at​ ​my own​ ​convenient​ ​time.​ ​I​ ​decide​ ​what​ ​I​ ​want​ ​to​ ​view​ ​when​ ​I​ ​want​ ​to​ ​view​ ​it.​ ​This​ ​strengthening Katz​ ​argument​ ​about​ ​the​ ​five​ ​elements​ ​of​ ​uses​ ​and​ ​gratification(​ ​Sullivan,​ ​113)​ ​:  

1. The​ ​audience​ ​is​ ​considered​ ​active,​ ​and​ ​media​ ​use​ ​is​ ​directed​ ​towards​ ​particular​ ​goals.

 2. The​ ​audience​ ​member​ ​has​ ​the​ ​initiative​ ​in​ ​linking​ ​need​ ​gratification​ ​and​ ​media​ ​choice. They​ ​select​ ​different​ ​types​ ​of​ ​media​ ​in​ ​order​ ​to​ ​satisfy​ ​a​ ​particular​ ​need​ ​or​ ​desire

3. The​ ​media​ ​compete​ ​with​ ​other​ ​sources​ ​of​ ​need​ ​satisfaction.  

4. the​ ​audience​ ​has​ ​sufficient​ ​self-awareness​ ​regarding​ ​their​ ​media​ ​interest​ ​and​ ​motivation

5. Scholars​ ​utilizes​ ​the​ ​uses​ ​and​ ​gratifications​ ​approach​ ​do​ ​not​ ​make​ ​value​ ​judgements about​ ​people's​ ​media​ ​choices.​ ​Instead​ ​they​ ​try​ ​to​ ​understand​ ​the​ ​audiences​ ​orientation​ ​to certain​ ​media​ ​on​ ​their​ ​own.

 In​ ​my​ ​case​ ​I​ ​relate​ ​more​ ​to​ ​the​ ​point​ ​number​ ​one​ ​where​ ​fans​ ​are​ ​always​ ​active​ ​to​ ​reach​ ​a certain​ ​goal​ ​using​ ​the​ ​media.​ ​Whenever​ ​I​ ​participate​ ​in​ ​social​ ​media​ ​forums​ ​there’s​ ​always​ ​a​ ​goal to​ ​express​ ​my​ ​opinion​ ​and​ ​also​ ​to​ ​actively​ ​seek​ ​to​ ​get​ ​educated​ ​on​ ​other​ ​audiences​ ​opinions. Alan​ ​M.​ ​Rubin​ ​also​ ​discussed​ ​the​ ​motivations​ ​for​ ​watching​ ​TV​ ​soap​ ​operas.​ ​Despite​ ​the​ ​topic​ ​in question​ ​is​ ​different​ ​it​ ​still​ ​relates​ ​to​ ​my​ ​motives​ ​when​ ​watching​ ​a​ ​football​ ​game.​ ​Starting​ ​with orientation​ ​​I​ ​find​ ​it​ ​astonishing​ ​that​ ​every​ ​audience​ ​follow​ ​a​ ​particular​ ​team​ ​religiously.​ ​I always​ ​seek​ ​to​ ​get​ ​informed​ ​on​ ​different​ ​opinions​ ​as​ ​per​ ​example;​ ​In​ ​my​ ​first​ ​year​ ​of​ ​university​ ​I conducted​ ​a​ ​survey​ ​on​ ​how​ ​football​ ​influences​ ​one’s​ ​lifestyle.​ ​Relating​ ​back​ ​to​ ​my​ ​days​ ​in​ ​France where​ ​I​ ​came​ ​from​ ​a​ ​poor​ ​neighborhood.​ ​Everyone​ ​knew​ ​that​ ​on​ ​the​ ​weekends​ ​we​ ​would​ ​all meet​ ​at​ ​the​ ​café​ ​shop​ ​nearby​ ​to​ ​watch​ ​the​ ​soccer​ ​game​ ​and​ ​also​ ​discuss​ ​the​ ​trending​ ​topics relating​ ​to​ ​the​ ​sport​ ​in​ ​question.​ ​However​ ​sports​ ​weren’t​ ​the​ ​only​ ​thing​ ​we​ ​discussed​ ​because​ ​at times​ ​we​ ​went​ ​into​ ​more​ ​personal​ ​conversations​ ​about​ ​our​ ​respective​ ​problems​ ​and​ ​goals​ ​in​ ​the future.​ ​​ ​This​ ​leads​ ​to​ ​the​ ​second​ ​motive​ ​​Avoidance,​ ​​as​ ​stated​ ​above​ ​coming​ ​from​ ​a​ ​poor neighborhood​ ​sometimes​ ​you​ ​experience​ ​scenes​ ​that​ ​nobody​ ​else​ ​can​ ​understand.​ ​Whenever​ ​a football​ ​or​ ​soccer​ ​game​ ​is​ ​on​ ​TV​ ​it​ ​helps​ ​me​ ​escape​ ​from​ ​reality​ ​and​ ​dive​ ​into​ ​the​ ​television​ ​for 2-3​ ​hours​ ​or​ ​so.​ ​It​ ​helps​ ​me​ ​release​ ​tensions​ ​and​ ​forget​ ​about​ ​what​ ​is​ ​going​ ​on​ ​in​ ​my surroundings.​ ​Thirdly​ ​​Diversion​ ​​is​ ​another​ ​motive​ ​because​ ​watching​ ​a​ ​football​ ​game​ ​is entertaining.​ ​It​ ​helps​ ​me​ ​relax​ ​and​ ​pass​ ​time.​ ​Whenever​ ​I​ ​watch​ ​a​ ​game​ ​it​ ​feels​ ​like​ ​I'm​ ​in​ ​the stadium​ ​with​ ​all​ ​the​ ​fans​ ​chanting​ ​and​ ​cheering​ ​for​ ​the​ ​team.​ ​Finally​ ​the​ ​fourth​ ​motive​ ​that​ ​Rubin discussed​ ​was​ ​​social​ ​utility.​ ​​In​ ​my​ ​opinion​ ​there’s​ ​nothing​ ​more​ ​refreshing​ ​than​ ​sharing​ ​the game​ ​experience​ ​with​ ​others​ ​that​ ​have​ ​the​ ​same​ ​common​ ​interest.​ ​It​ ​helps​ ​me​ ​be​ ​closer​ ​with other​ ​people​ ​while​ ​watching​ ​the​ ​game.​ ​Meeting​ ​people​ ​with​ ​common​ ​hobbies​ ​and​ ​seeking​ ​to start​ ​conversations​ ​are​ ​good​ ​motives​ ​to​ ​watch​ ​a​ ​football​ ​game.  

Conclusion

In​ ​conclusion​ ​with​ ​the​ ​help​ ​of​ ​course​ ​materials​ ​that​ ​I​ ​learned​ ​in​ ​class​ ​and​ ​also​ ​the readings​ ​it​ ​enhanced​ ​my​ ​knowledge​ ​on​ ​audience​ ​behaviors.​ ​The​ ​ratings​ ​of​ ​a​ ​particular​ ​program or​ ​TV​ ​show​ ​influences​ ​heavily​ ​my​ ​experience​ ​as​ ​a​ ​viewer.​ ​If​ ​something​ ​is​ ​trending​ ​on​ ​social media​ ​or​ ​on​ ​TV​ ​I​ ​easily​ ​get​ ​influenced​ ​to​ ​view​ ​the​ ​content. It​ ​is​ ​very​ ​hard​ ​to​ ​ignore​ ​when something​ ​is​ ​trending​ ​because​ ​you’ll​ ​hear​ ​about​ ​it​ ​anyways.​ ​For​ ​me​ ​becoming​ ​a​ ​football​ ​fan​ ​was thanks​ ​to​ ​not​ ​only​ ​my​ ​surroundings​ ​but​ ​also​ ​mass​ ​media​ ​as​ ​a​ ​whole.​ ​Earlier​ ​I​ ​touched​ ​on​ ​how​ ​in France​ ​soccer​ ​is​ ​the​ ​dominant​ ​sport​ ​so​ ​whenever​ ​I'd​ ​look​ ​through​ ​the​ ​news​ ​it​ ​would​ ​be​ ​the​ ​only thing​ ​showcased​ ​to​ ​me.​ ​But​ ​when​ ​I​ ​came​ ​to​ ​North​ ​America​ ​I​ ​was​ ​exposed​ ​to​ ​new​ ​sports.​ ​Several popular​ ​professional​ ​sporting​ ​events​ ​continued​ ​constantly​ ​all​ ​season​ ​long:​ ​professional​ ​baseball (from​ ​spring​ ​to​ ​late​ ​fall),​ ​professional​ ​football​ ​(from​ ​fall​ ​to​ ​winter),​ ​professional​ ​basketball​ ​(from fall​ ​to​ ​early​ ​summer),​ ​and​ ​professional​ ​hockey​ ​(from​ ​fall​ ​to​ ​early​ ​spring).​ ​This​ ​helped​ ​me experience​ ​new​ ​sports​ ​that​ ​I​ ​wasn’t​ ​exposed​ ​to​ ​in​ ​France.​ ​I​ ​experienced​ ​a​ ​Buffalo​ ​Bills​ ​game,​ ​a Toronto​ ​raptors​ ​game​ ​and​ ​finally​ ​the​ ​Toronto​ ​maple​ ​leafs.​ ​All​ ​these​ ​new​ ​experiences​ ​were influenced​ ​by​ ​Mass​ ​media.​ ​Being​ ​here​ ​for​ ​two​ ​years​ ​benefited​ ​me​ ​to​ ​decide​ ​what​ ​I​ ​want​ ​to​ ​view whenever​ ​I​ ​want​ ​to​ ​view​ ​it.

Reference 

Sullivan, J. (2013). Â Media Audiences: Effects, users, institutions and power.

Buzzard, K. (2015).  The rise of market information regimes and the historical development of audience ratings.  Historical Journal of Film, Radio and Television.

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Kobe Bryant Saw His Greatness Mirrored in Gianna

The N.B.A. on Thursday is scheduled to announce the players chosen by Eastern and Western Conference coaches as All-Star Game reserves. On the internal calendar I keep, this is traditionally the ideal time to unveil my unofficial All-Star selections.

That won’t be happening this time.

In the wake of the horrific helicopter crash on Sunday that killed the legendary Kobe Bryant and eight others aboard, normal operations have been pretty much suspended for anyone who has anything to do with the N.B.A.

Bryant’s worldwide stature is obviously a huge part of that. He was one of the giants of this game, an immense figure globally, revered by the overwhelming majority of current N.B.A. players — and incomprehensibly struck down at the age of 41. Grief like this will not fade quickly.

It is doubly true in this case because Bryant’s 13-year-old daughter, Gianna, was on that helicopter with him.

Beloved by members of the University of Connecticut women’s basketball program, which she dreamed of joining someday, Gianna received a moving tribute from the team on Monday when it placed flowers and a UConn jersey bearing her No. 2 on the bench for an exhibition game against the United States national team.

“Mambacita is forever a Husky,” the school posted on Twitter, referring to the nickname that Kobe Bryant, the self-styled “Black Mamba,” had given the second-born of his four daughters.

Also on board were two of Gianna’s teammates from the AAU squad coached by her father: Alyssa Altobelli and Payton Chester. The lives of three teenage girls with so much to look forward were taken in the crash, along with those of Bryant; Alyssa’s parents, John and Keri; Payton’s mother, Sarah; Kobe’s assistant coach, Christina Mauser; and Ara Zobayan, who piloted the helicopter.

The list gets sadder every time it is recited.

Kobe Bryant was 17 when I met him, then freshly acquired by the Los Angeles Lakers. On Monday, I wrote about how he was convinced, from the first minute of his pro career, that he was bound for the Hall of Fame.

Bryant was equally convinced that Gianna was likewise destined for greatness. She was his ever-present companion at countless games in recent years — to watch her W.N.B.A. heroes, or the Huskies, or maybe on a special trip to see her favorite N.B.A. player: Trae Young of the Atlanta Hawks.

Perhaps by now you have seen the clip of Kobe from his visit to the “Jimmy Kimmel Live” show in 2018, telling the world that Gianna bristled any time she heard a fan suggest to her father that he and his wife, Vanessa Bryant, needed to have a boy to uphold Kobe’s legacy.

“She’s like, ‘Oy, I got this,’” Bryant said of Gianna, then 12.

The last time I saw Kobe, on Dec. 29 at Staples Center, he had never looked more joyful. Wearing a bright orange hoodie and a green ski cap to rep his hometown Philadelphia Eagles, Bryant was sitting courtside beside Gianna as they watched — make that studied — the Lakers’ LeBron James and Luka Doncic of the Dallas Mavericks going head-to-head.

Also in the building that night was God Shammgod, whose extraordinary dribbling ability made him a New York playground legend. Despite the briefest of N.B.A. playing careers, Shammgod has landed on the Mavericks’ staff as a player development coach — yet he remains so revered for his ball handling that, even in a coaching role, he has his own Puma signature shoe.

Days after that Lakers/Mavericks game, never realizing the sorrow that was looming, Shammgod told me some moving stories of his workouts with father and daughter — how he had the extraordinary opportunity to coach them both.

“I knew him when he wasn’t this Kobe,” Shammgod said. “He knew me when there was no Shammgod moves.”

In their high school days, Shammgod — then known as Shammgod Wells — wound up at an ABCD youth camp with Bryant in New Jersey. Kobe had spent some of his formative years in Italy, where his father, Joe “Jellybean” Bryant, was playing professionally, but Shammgod said Kobe’s fellow campers knew only that he had mostly played abroad somewhere.

“The boy from France,” Shammgod said. “That’s what we called him. After the first game, guys were saying, ‘Who’s this guy who actually thinks he’s Michael Jordan?’ He’s walking like Jordan, he’s doing every Jordan move, shooting all the balls.”

Bryant was clearly a special talent, but his ball handling was a weakness. Joe Bryant had noticed Shammgod’s slick handles and asked the 16-year-old if he could help Jellybean’s 15-year-old son.

Shammgod told the elder Bryant that he would be happy to work out with Kobe — at 6 the next morning. “I was thinking, ‘He’s not going to show,’” Shammgod said. “I get there and he’s already there.”

A bond was forged, and the two remained close. The friendship endured even as Bryant rose to stardom and his dribbling mentor was forced to scour the globe for jobs (in Poland, China, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Croatia) after an N.B.A. career that lasted just 20 games with the Washington Wizards in 1997-98.

During the All-Star break last February, Shammgod received an urgent summons from Bryant to Southern California. Kobe was now coaching Gianna’s travel team and wanted to introduce her and the rest of the squad to the move known in hoop parlance as “The Shammgod” — which requires the dribbler to bring the ball to the side with one hand to get the defender off balance, then snatch it back with the opposite hand to execute a crossover dribble. Oklahoma City’s Chris Paul and the Nets’ Kyrie Irving are two of the most accomplished modern practitioners.

Shammgod spent two days at Bryant’s Mamba Sports Academy in Thousand Oaks, Calif.

“When I say that’s all he wanted to do is dribbling, that’s all he wanted to do,” Shammgod said. “From 10 to 12 in the morning, then from 2 to 4. These girls were dribbling four hours straight without shooting the basketball.”

One-on-one tutorials with Gianna would soon follow. Shammgod said they had worked out about a dozen times over the past year. Kobe wanted to fly him in more often, but Shammgod said he had to remind him occasionally, “I work for the Mavs and I can’t leave.”

When the trio huddled at that Dec. 29 game at Staples, Gianna excitedly told the story of how she “did the Shammgod on this girl” in a recent game.

“She was so locked in,” Shammgod said. “Her mind-set was just like his mind-set.”

That was evident in a 2019 glimpse of Gianna on camera with the Las Vegas CBS affiliate during a trip to watch that season’s opener for the W.N.B.A.’s Las Vegas Aces. Explaining her fascination with film study, Gigi could not have sounded much more like her father when she said, “More information, more inspiration.”

Those of us who were there for the start of the Kobe Bean Bryant experience and watched him grow up can’t help but flash back to those early days now. Even though the journalism handbook says we’re supposed to be detached and unemotional — even at times like this — Bryant’s sudden death has been a gut punch for many scribes like me who covered him closely over the past two decades.

What messes me up most, though, is when I start thinking about Gianna Maria-Onore Bryant, her two teammates on that chopper and the shattered families that have to try to move on without them.

Gianna, Alyssa and Payton — gone at an age just a few years younger than Kobe was upon his league-shaking arrival in the N.B.A. So, so unspeakably cruel.

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In tribute to Kobe Bryant and his second of two jersey numbers, we present a 24-item assemblage of standout statistics from his career with the Lakers.

18

Bryant was the youngest player in N.B.A. history when he made his regular-season debut for the Lakers on Nov. 3, 1996, at 18 years and 72 days old. A future teammate with the Lakers, Andrew Bynum, eventually became the youngest player in league history at 18 years and six days old when he made his debut in 2005.

4

Only four players — all big men — made the jump directly from high school to the pros before Bryant and Portland’s Jermaine O’Neal were selected in the 1996 N.B.A. draft. Those four predecessors: Moses Malone, Darryl Dawkins, Bill Willoughby and Kevin Garnett. Shawn Kemp sat out a year after graduating high school in 1988 before he was drafted in 1989 by Seattle.

1,346

Both of the Lakers’ rookies selected in the first round of the 1996 N.B.A. draft — Bryant (1,346) and Derek Fisher (915) — rank in the top five in club history in games played.

7

Bryant started only seven games in his first two N.B.A. seasons.

4

Bryant’s four air balls in a 1997 playoff game in Utah — one at the regulation buzzer and three in overtime — came against the same Jazz franchise he riddled for 60 points in his final N.B.A. game on April 13, 2016.

3

The Lakers’ championships in three consecutive seasons — 1999-2000, 2000-01, 2001-02 — represent the league’s only three-peat this century. The Michael Jordan-led Chicago Bulls had three-peats twice in the 1990s (1990-91 through 1992-93 and 1995-96 through 1997-98).

38.3

A conversion rate of 38.3 percent in 2002-03 marked Bryant’s most successful season from the 3-point line.

35.4

Bryant’s highest single-season scoring average was 35.4 points per game in 2005-2006, the Lakers’ second season after trading away Shaquille O’Neal.

16,866

Bryant scored 16,866 points and won three of his five championships wearing No. 8 through his first 10 seasons.

16,777

He scored 16,777 points and won two championships wearing No. 24 over the final 10 seasons of his career.

20

Bryant’s 20 consecutive seasons with the Lakers left him one shy of the N.B.A. record for playing with only one team: Dirk Nowitzki’s 21 seasons with the Dallas Mavericks.

14

No other Laker played more than 14 seasons (Jerry West and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar).

81

Bryant scored 81 points against the Toronto Raptors on Jan. 22, 2006.

33

Bryant’s eruption against the Raptors, the second-highest scoring output in league history behind Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game in 1962, came just 33 days after Kobe scored 62 points in three quarters against the Dallas Mavericks.

220

Bryant appeared in 220 career playoff games, which equates to more than two and half seasons of extra wear and tear.

4

The Lakers missed the playoffs in each of Bryant’s last four seasons.

35.6

Bryant averaged just 35.6 games played over his final three seasons following his torn left Achilles’ tendon in April 2013.

11

The 60 points Bryant scored in his farewell outing beat the previous record for an N.B.A. player in his last official season by 11 points. Boston’s Larry Bird scored 49 points on March 15, 1992.

1

Bryant is the only player in league history to have two jersey numbers (No. 8 and No. 24) retired by one franchise.

18

Bryant’s 18 N.B.A. All-Star appearances are one shy of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s record 19.

3

Bryant was voted in by fans as an All-Star starter in his third season with the Lakers and in each of the subsequent 17 seasons.

$328,238,062

The value of Bryant’s contracts over 20 seasons with the Lakers, according to Basketball Reference, was nearly $330 million.

0

Bryant and LeBron James never met in a playoff game. James has made nine trips to the N.B.A. finals, winning three titles.

5-2

Bryant posted a career record of 5-2 in the N.B.A. finals, winning five championships in seven appearances.

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Arsenal: Is Unai Emery the right man to replace Wenger?

We're coming up to a huge moment in Arsenal Football Club's modern history. Two weeks ago Arsene Wenger finally departed the Emirates Stadium which has put down the foundations for a new and potentially exciting era, but it's so important that the Arsenal board get this appointment correct. Wenger's position at the club has been under scrutiny for some time and there's no doubt that sentiment came into the boards decision to delay his departure for so long.

But now with him out the door, someone has the chance to write an exciting new chapter in the clubs history and that someone is Unai Emery. The Emirates hot seat has looked destined to be filled by Mikel Arteta for sometime, but the availability of Emery following his departure from PSG has earned him a move to the Emirates Stadium. The 43 year-old was as big as 40/1 to replace Wenger a couple of weeks ago so it's a move that's really gathered pace very quickly. With his appointment now confirmed we've taken a look at just why Arsenal have gone for him and what he can bring to the club.

A new era is about to begin at Arsenal

Ten trophies in five years

Due to the nature of Arsenal's last few seasons it's essential that they appoint someone who has a track record of winning trophies. The Gunners have only won three FA Cup's over the last thirteen years which has seen them fall significantly behind their domestic rivals. Their last Premier League success came back in 2004 and they ended this season a huge 37 points behind eventual Champions Manchester City - so Emery has an awful lot of work to do. No one will be expecting them to turn into Premier League winners instantly, but a return to the Champions League is a huge priority.

In Emery they have someone who knows what it takes to succeed at a very high level, with him fresh from enjoying trophy laden spells with Sevilla and PSG. In his homeland he won three successive Europa League titles which had previously never been done, and it's something Arsenal fans would be desperate for as it would ensure that they return to Europe's top table. With PSG he won seven pieces of silverware in two years and despite the job being somewhat 'easier', he still enhanced his reputation in the game. Arsenal need someone who knows it takes to perform at a big club and Emery's CV suggests that he's ready to move to the Premier League.

Unai Emery enjoyed a hugely successful stint with Sevilla - winning three successive Europa League titles

Player Recruitment

An extremely important part of the job and it's something that needs to be spot on if he's to achieve success in North London. Arsenal's squad does contain quality but there's some huge holes that need filling, mainly at the back. The Gunners conceded a huge 51 Premier League goals this season, the highest of any side in the top seven and if they're to compete again it's essential that they address this problem. Reports claim that he's 'only' going to be given a budget of around £50m to try make Arsenal competitive again - peanuts when you see the money that Chelsea and the two Manchester clubs throw about.

The two club record outlays on Alexandre Lacazette (£46.5m) and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (£55m) over the last twelve months proved that they do have the cash to spend but those captures have evidently hit them hard if the £50m budget is correct - meaning Emery has to sell to buy. That's going to make the job much tougher but he has an excellent record of bringing in players for decent fees and getting the best out of them. Players such as Carlos Bacca (£7m), Aleix Vidal (£3m), Ever Banega (£2m) and Grzegroz Krychowiak (£2m) were all sensational for him in Spain and he needs to replicate his transfer success here if Arsenal are to improve on their disappointing 17/18 campaign.

However, whether he has that much say in actual player movements is another matter. The appointment of former Borussia Dortmund scout Sven Mislintat as the clubs head of recruitment was reportedly a big factor in Arteta's move to the Emirates being called off. Mislintat has a lot of power behind the scenes at the club and played a big part in the arrivals of Mkhitaryan and Aubameyang in January. At PSG Emery didn't really have too much of a say in transfers, with the likes of Neymar and Kylian Mbappe brought in on mega money & clearly orchestrated by the board.

Arsenal spent big on Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in January but they need to sustain that level if they're to stop the gap between themselves and the top four growing

Man management

One of the most crucial aspects of any managerial role is being able to guide and inspire your players in the right way. If he isn't to have the final say on players coming into the club then he needs to be able to motivate them and get them playing to the best of their ability. His time in Spain with Sevilla shows that he can do this, but over in England it's a different matter. There's essentially six teams competing for four Champions League spots so the margin for error is much smaller. Arsenal do have some talented players and with the right guidance you'd like to think that they can produce the performances that we expect from them. The likes of Hector Bellerin, Saed Kolasinac and Granit Xhaka have so much more to offer based on last seasons performances & if he can get the best out of what he's got it will make his life much easier.

He arrives in London from Paris and his time in France was fairly mixed to say the least - which seems strange considering that he won seven trophies in two years. The sheer number of egos on the books at the Parc des Princes tested his man management skills to the max and it's pretty fair to say he had a tough time. Player power behind the scenes mainly revolving around Neymar questioned his leadership and he can't afford to let that seep into the Emirates dressing room. If he gets this right there's no doubt he will do well with the Gunners.

Player power had a huge say in Emery's exit from PSG this summer

Will he be a success?

The million dollar question. The end of Arsene Wenger's tenure at the Emirates turned pretty sour but there's no doubt that Emery has absolutely massive boots to fill. We've all seen how tough it's been for Manchester United to replace Sir Alex Ferguson in the years since he retired, so the grass isn't necessarily greener for the Gunners. However, no one can argue that the change at the Emirates was needed and it's going to be an interesting - but exciting - season for Arsenal supporters. Emery has all the credentials to succeed in North London but it's not going to be an overnight job. He needs time to succeed and his CV suggests that if they're patient with him it could well pay off.

His time in Paris was a huge step up in what he's been used to over in Spain and the being in the spotlight alongside stars such as Neymar, Edinson Cavani and Kylian Mbappe would've only improved him as a manager - despite the difficult issues behind the scenes. If he can have some say in recruitment and can get the best out of some Arsenal players that have clearly lost their way recently, we can see him being a breathe of fresh air at the Emirates. For too long Arsenal players have had things too easy so a new man to impress should surely improve performances on the pitch and in time restore that winning mentality back in North London.

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