#it just made me become an adult who is confused at actually expressing love

[emblazons]

—woke up from literal sleep to write down the thoughts that clicked for me after I made this post about the Mike/Hopper hug last night, so. Here's the expansion of all of that lmao.

people always talk about the way Mike looked conflicted when El kisses him in S3, on top of the way he seemed fine with them breaking up until she initiated the relationship again (because of the absence of Hopper). I think this is 100% true, and it’s also the start of Mike’s spiral about protecting her we see through S4.

Mike’s “care” in lieu of "love" for El (and lack of ability to tell her he loves he romantically) is directly correlated to Hopper telling him to BE CAREFUL re: El right before he died. Almost as though Mike didn’t even have space to think of El as a true romantic partner— he was too busy trying to hold up the end of her missing “dad," and why he didn't know what to do when she started talking about how she didn't belong (because he's fourteen and not capable of filling the shoes of her father lmao).

the reason why Mike said “I was worried too much about El” is because he was—he was worried in a way suited for a father, not a boyfriend (thank you @emily-tumbles-on for that tag lol).

It’s also why he was so willing to let El go back to Owens—it’s a trusted (-ish) adult figure who could help El in a way his 14 year old self could not. It’s also why he immediately seems okay with letting her go once she says she wants to + throwing away her letter, right up until he realizes where El went is dangerous again, which meant he has to restart the protector-in-Hop’s place worry (which he doesn’t want, but feels powerless to step away from in his paladin-oath-responsibility mind).

When Mike & Will get into it at Rink O Mania over Will not telling Mike what was going on, Will interprets it as romantic attachment when it’s really giving “worried parent” not boyfriend.

That entire “you should have told me” also DIRECTLY REFLECTS the way Mike sees Will as his actual partner and equal no matter the time or distance (like in S2)—and expects him to help shoulder leadership responsibilities the way romantic/life partners would by helping him look after his charge (El).

The whole painting is confusing af for Mike because he does not see El as his partner or lover, but his responsibility in Hop’s absence—and Will, in his projection, is conflating his romantic love for Mike into the familial one between Mike & El. That's also why Mike feels so insecure about not being responsible enough (!!!) and why he looks dejected the way a parent would when you tell them you want do something they used to think was fun before having a kid when Will says “we could just play DnD and Nintendo for the rest of our lives.”

The van scene takes on a whole new meaning when you think about how the second Will made it about El, it forced Mike into a mental conundrum because he felt loved as himself at first…only to have it thrown back in with this wildly inappropriate parental responsibility he has for El because of Hop’s loss. (I watched the van scene again with this in mind and...lmao. Mike's expressions make absolute sense once you keep this conflation / confusion in mind)!

Yet another reason Mike and Jonathan need to have another conversation is because both of them have been suffering from a severe parentification—Jonathan for Will, and Mike for Eleven.

Hopper returning leaves space for both of them to move back into age-appropriate selfishness/relationships (aka think about their own wants and needs with Nancy and Will for a change) because Joyce doesn’t need Jonathan to fill the “man of the house” space, Will is going to “come of age” and have Mike, and El is gonna have her dad.

....all that to say these (and probably a million more things) become WAY clearer when you realize Mike is carrying the burden of Hopper's absence not as a boyfriend, but as 14 year old boy filling a parent space...which makes me really glad Hop didn't really die in S3 all of a sudden lmao. And also...Duffers. FREE MIKE WHEELER 2025

#anti mlvn #byler #jim hopper #mike wheeler #will byers #jonathan byers #LET HOPPER BE HOP INSTEAD OF MIKE 2025 #and also for jonathan! #free the byler duos to love as they please instead of being over responsible! lmao #my st commentary #stranger things #parentified mike

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hello! So you write for Muichiro, but do you write for his twin, Yuichiro? If yes, I'd like to request. Can you do him with a fem! s/who is ditzy and often says stuff without thinking? and also struggles with simple tasks so she feels useless, but is a whole different person in battle. Can you make them both hashiras? Have a good day!

Oooh! Okay! I have written for Yuichiro before and he has a easy personality to keep track of. He just a cute tsundere and he def exist in the AU of Twin Hashira! Thank you, let’s gooo

Tokito Yuichiro[Adult Hashira]

Yuichiro can barely tolerate his own twin’s foolishness with how annoying Muichiro makes himself as. Having to teach and assist a ditzy and ‘useless’ Hashira like you has his patience running thin. He is very cold and barky… at first

Yuichiro is actually naturally attracted to positive people, like his sweet younger brother. So when you actively try to become his friend, despite him pushing back and even insulting you, he is so confused yet intrigued

Yuichiro pretends to not care and ‘reluctantly’ let you sit with him for lunch but in reality, he is screaming on the inside that you’re giving him so many chances when he just keeps breaking them. What woman wants a man like him? It seems you and he is so flattered by that

Yuichiro grumbles annoyed everytime you do some ditzy. You’re about to fall over a rock you didn’t see? Yuichiro caught you with a scowl. He may dislike how annoying your ditziness has be but he won’t let it injure nor disturb you. That’s much how he likes you

Yuichiro is confused and frowns everytime you just blurt out something that makes no sense or clearly hasn’t been thought out. He does compare you to Muichiro at times with how similar you two act but that doesn’t mean he dislikes you and your wild personality

Yuichiro is beyond fascinated and lovestruck when he sees you battle. He originally thought you had no skill with the katana since you can barely organise a pile of blankets right, but the way you fight. Oh goodness, he is falling deeper in love with your incredible skills and flow

Yuichiro throws meaningless insults at you when he catches you struggling with the most basic task and when you finally break down, proclaiming you feel useless. He steps in to teach you so you can learn better, he can’t stand you suffering in anyway so he’ll do his best to fix it up for you

Yuichiro gets VERY jealous when you bond with his twin, Muichiro. Yeah, he is rarely apart from the other man but he doesn’t want be just the twin of the Mist Hashira who wins you over. He tries to intervene inbetween your friendly chats with Muichiro to pull you away, pretending to be annoyed that you’re ‘flirting with his brother’

Yuichiro is mean but he is just a Tsundere. He loves you, he just doesn’t know how to express it to you properly. He is quite shy with romance and he doesn’t know if he can truly tell you his feelings for you. He has made it out like he tolerates you for business means but…

He tolerates you because he has such a huge crush on you, that even Muichiro can pick it up

“Hey! You. What’s wrong? Hmph… you can’t lock the door again? This is the fourth time, Dokusha. Why isn’t my teachings working or are you just ignoring my help. Ughh… you’re such a baby, here. Give it to me, I’ll show you this AGAIN”

I don’t know the artist name but credit, of the art above, goes to him/her/them!

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #anime and manga #kny imagines #headcanons #kny hashira #tokito yuichiro #yuichiro tokito #demon slayer yuichiro #kny yuichiro #kimetsu yuichiro #yuichiro x reader #kimetsu no yaiba yuichiro #mist hashira #twin hashira AU #yuichiro tokito x reader #muichiro tokito #Yuichiro is a tsundere #pass it around #yuichirou #yuichiro fluff #tokito yuichiro x reader #underappericated mans alert #he is cute though! #kny tokitou #tokito brothers #tokito x reader

[sp00kies]

How Disney has neutered their villains, an essay by a bored pumpkin

We all love Disney villains, they’re why some of us have a tumblr in the first place. A way to express our favorites to other people and/or give love to underrated villains. They’re also one of the most memorable things about Disney: their ability to create dark villains.

Many villains are so iconic that they show up at the theme parks and especially during October, with the Halloween season. However, I feel that ever since the 2000s, the villains have been toned down to the point where you can’t call them villains, only antagonists and bad guys.

So today, I’m gonna explain why I feel like this and why it’s kind of gotten sad too. Also, this is just my personal opinion, y’all don’t have to agree with me.

Anyways, rambling is below the cut.

First, let’s discuss the difference between a bad guy, an antagonist, and villain, as these terms get confused as being the same due to being similar.

A bad guy is the word that “antagonist” and “villain” namely tie into as they’re similars of it. But the definition that’s commonly used for it is your average criminal you see on the street.

An antagonist, while similar to a villain, is actually what the protagonist lacks and are the creators of conflicts. Think Abuela Alma from Encanto. She’s not the villain, but she’s an obstacle and brings conflict to Mirabel.

Now, a villain is what we’re all familiar with. Their actions are important to the plot; Ernesto poisoning Héctor, Maleficent cursing Aurora, etc. These are the most common of bad guys in media, and over the years, the Disney villains are starting to become the antagonist slightly.

The 30s up until the 90s was where the villains had no chill. The first Disney villain, The Evil Queen from Snow White, literally tried to poison her stepdaughter and also made a sort of blueprint for how villain should be.

Their design needs to be somewhat iconic, their voice needs to be menacing and cool, their deaths are horrifying, and their actions need to drive the plot along with downright brutal.

Exhibit A: Maleficent cursing Aurora as a baby

Exhibit B: McLeach having no issue with attempted child murder

Exhibit C: Scar literally murdering his brother in front of his nephew

And so on and so forth.

Each of these villains have something iconic about them, and their actions are memorable while also very dark. But the villains are also both funny and menacing. You only really need a dark villain when the story asks for it, and in my opinion, there are two villains who do their job right of being a dark as fuck villain.

Judge Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

We all know about Frollo so I’ll give a brief summary of him. Basically, this dude is fucking insane. He also represents three of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Wrath, and of course Lust. He lusted after the gypsy, Esmeralda, basically set Notre Dame ablaze, and tried to kill Quasimodo once as a baby and when he was an adult.

With HOND being a dark story, it makes sense as to why Frollo would be dark and it checks out. He also checks out the blueprints set by Grimhilde: his actions are dark, his voice and design are iconic, and his death is horrifying; literally showing that he’s going to Hell.

Now what about Judge Doom? Why is he so dark?

Well if you remember correctly, Judge Doom is technically a toon. But not just any toon: he is the toon that murdered Eddie Valient’s brother by dropping a piano on his head. And that’s not all.

Doom made a liquid that can permanently kill a toon: The Dip. It’s made out of paint thinners, which are used to erase a cartoon on the drawing board. And when we see that Doom is a toon, you realize: “Holy shit, this dude made something to kill his own kind.”

Doom had NO issue with destroying ToonTown. He wanted money AND to him, he thought it was funny.

And like Frollo, Doom immediately checks out with the blueprints: iconic design, iconic voice, actions are horrifying and drive the plot, and lets just say that, in my opinion, Doom’s death (and Doom in general) traumatized a generation of kids and adults.

These two villains are perfect examples of having dark villains for dark movies. And all of the other Disney villains are perfect examples of being funny and dark for kids movies. However, I feel like the moment the 2000s rolled around, things changed.

The 2000s and so on was definitely a time where people started to get more sensitive and kiddish, and Disney was no exception. Of course, they did make movies that are somewhat hardcore, but the same cannot be said for their villains.

Alameda Slim, Captain Gantu, Bowler Hat Guy. They all fill out the blueprints like their predecessors, but something felt off. They felt more toned down. Dark, yes, but it was definitely very kiddish than what we’ve been accustomed to the previous years. And it should be noted that this was when Disney started to slow down on killing their villains.

The two villains I feel that are like their predecessors are Dr. Facilier and Rourke. Their actions were dark, their whole aura was iconic, but their deaths were also pretty hardcore too.

Rourke was turned into a crystal and was literally shattered onscreen, and Facilier was dragged into Hell/the Loa ONSCREEN AND WE SAW HIS GRAVESTONE.

So, you see where I’m going with this? These two villains felt like they were from the 30s-90s, while everyone else felt like they were just PGd into oblivion.

The 2010s and forward was where the title of “villain” was completely lost. Of course, there are exceptions. King Candy/Turbo was a great comeback and Mother Gothel was awesome too, but that was it. Disney instead turned to Pixar’s motive for villains: twist villains.

The unholy trilogy of Disney’s twist villains are obviously Hans, Callaghan, and the sheep from Zootopia. And this is also where the blueprints set by Grimhilde were lost.

So let’s do this. Ignore Gothel and Turbo and only think of the villains after them. Can you name a single memorable thing about them? Any iconic lines? Can you remember their designs? Yeah, it’s pretty hard. Well, that’s my point.

These villains can only be called “antagonists” and “bad guys” because that’s how Disney sets them up to be. They’re so toned down that it kind of feels wrong to call them villains because what they do, while still dark and drives the plot, is just so kiddy.

Of course, you don’t need a villain with every movie. Encanto and Winnie the Pooh are good examples. YES, Abuela Alma was an ANTAGONIST, but she redeemed herself in the end and that movie was namely focused on the family trauma and Mirabel.

You might be thinking, “Sp00ks. Is this really necessary? Disney is just trying to make things appropriate for younger audiences.”

I’m sorry, but for the past 90 years, if this company has been showing their villains to be dark as Hell and have them be evil evil, yeah I’m gonna notice these changes.

So that’s why I believe that, in my opinion and based on what I’ve been seeing, Disney has been neutering their villains.

I haven’t seen Strange World, so I don’t know if that movie has a villain or not, but at this point I don’t care, which is disappointing.

Disney Villains are so memorable and it’s saying a lot when you can’t remember their villains from 10 years ago, but you can remember their villains from almost a century ago.

#disney villains #sp00ks’ screaming #reblogs > likes #analysis #long post #was talking about this with a friend a week ago and realized that I needed to talk about this #again y’all don’t have to agree with me. this is just my opinion

[girlwholikestoread]

My least favorite to My favorite books I read in 2023

24. May The Best Man Win by Z.R. Ellor: I wanted to like this book so badly, I really did but this is probably the only book I read this year that I didn’t like. The story is about Jeremy Harkisis who is a transgender cheerleader and his ex-boyfriend Lukas who is the all-star football player; the two exes are both trying to earn the title of Homecoming King. Honestly I loved the idea of this story just wasn’t a fan of the direction. First I did like Jeremy for most of the book, honestly his attitude towards Lukas in the beginning of the book made me not want to root for them and he just seems so mean and selfish, I understand that was the point and usually I don’t mind reading about characters who are mean and selfish but learns their lesson at the end but, Jermey was just so unnecessary cruel to his friends despite all of them showing him support and kindness. I liked Lukas a lot and honestly he was the only reason I had any motivation to finish this book and I thought the ending was cute. Overall a big let down and Lukas deserve so much better.

23. Radiant Black, Vol. 3: Rogues’s Gallery: It was the first book I read this year because my brother insisted I read it. It was fine, I’m personally not a huge fan of the series but I think the story is pretty good. Overall I gave it 3 stars on GoodReads so not bad.

22. Blackwater by Jeannette Arroyo and Ren Graham: So this book was different…not in a bad way. I actually really liked this book but this went in a direction I did not expect. So the story about Tony Price who is a popular high school track star and a quiet boy named Eli Hirsch who has a chronic autoimmune disorder become unlikely friends. Seems like your standard romance, except it’s not. Eli has a special ability to see ghosts and most recently he’s been seeing a ghost of a fisherman, while that happens Tony gets bitten by a werewolf-like creator which turns him into one. The story was alright, I was a bit confused at times but I still mostly enjoyed it. The romance was also lacking. Tony and Eli have a few cute moments together but I wish there were more, and I wished there were more interactions between the side characters and the main character. Overall Loved the spooky art style, I would recommend this for Halloween.

21. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta: I Devoured this book, I couldn’t put this down because I was so invested. The story is about our main character Micheal who throughout the book will grow up and start questioning his sexuality, gender expression, and his relationships. The story is formatted like a poem which I really liked. Seeing Micheal throughout his life from his adolescent years to his adult years, seeing him grow and form meaningful relationships was such a great reading experience. Overall beautifully written story, I hope Micheal and Kieran ended up together.

20. Husband Material by Alexis Hall: This book was great. I loved Boyfriend Material and immediately bought Husband Material once I finished the first book because I needed to know what was next for Luc and Oliver. This book did great continuing the story of all the couples from the first book, and showing that Luc and Oliver were made for each other. I especially liked Luc's shitty ex-boyfriend from college. I really wanted more information about that relationship and seeing Oliver stand up for his parents was so satisfying…but then the ending happened. Honestly I liked the ending, I thought it fit Luc and Oliver who always has an unconventional relationship so them deciding marriage isn’t for them makes sense, I just wasn’t a fan of the execution of them making that decision. Overall much like Sherk 2 perfect squeal.

19. The Princess and the Grilled Sandwich by Deya Muniz: This book is so fucking cute! I loved the characters, I loved the artstyle, I loved the cheese pun, I loved everything! This book is about Lady Camembert and how her before she passed wanted her to marry so she can get her inheritance and rights to her father kingdom, which could only be given to a man and he only had one daughter; she decided to disguise herself as a man and inherent everything but is forced to live a low-profile in order to not lose everything. However she breaks this rule and goes to a ball hosted by Princess Bri, they form a friendship and slowly start falling for each other; the only issue is that Bri believes that Camembert is a man. This story was cute, fun, engaging, and the ending was perfect! Overall I devoured this book like a grilled cheese sandwich.

18. Sorry Bro by Taleen Voskuni: This book was so good! This book is about Nareh who after ending her relationship with her boyfriend who, while wasn’t a bad person just wasn’t for her, decided she wants to explore her options dating with both men and women. During this she meets Erebuni and she becomes her wingwoman and helps her find a new guy or girl. However during this they both start following each other, with Nareh falling hard first. The book was great, it was a bit slow and I personally didn’t find her issues at work a compelling subplot but thought everything else great. I loved Erebuni and thought she was so sweet and understanding and like Nareh and her mom talk after she came out. Overall Sweet and Sapphic

17. I wish you all the best by Mason Deaver: This was the first book I read with a Non-Binary MC. We follow Ben De Backer who on Christmas day decides to come out to their parents as Non-Binary, this however doesn’t go as planned and they end up kicked out of their home on Christmas and have to call their estranged sister Hannah and her husband Thomas who they haven’t met yet. This leads to them having to live with her and start a new school where they meet Nathan Allan and start a friendship. This book made me cry a few times. Ben goes through a lot in a short period of time. Building a relationship with their sister, trying to make new friends, and figure out how they feel about their parents. This book is amazing and Ben and Nathan's relationship is so pure and it’s hard to find sweet innocent romantic connections in books nowadays but Ben and Nathan were so sweet. Overall this book felt like a hug on paper.

16. I’ll Be Home For Christmas by Mason Deaver: We loved a Christmas squeal! This takes place once Ben and Nathan have graduated and Nathan is attending college while Ben is taking time off school and living with roommates. Ben flys to Hannah house for Christmas Eve and plans to bring a surprise for Nathan by bringing his dog back home. Unfortunately their perfect gift plan ended up blowing up in their face when it snowed in and flights started being canceled. This short story is very sweet and does a great job showing us how Nathan and Ben are now. Ben’s determination to bring Nathan his beloved dog was so sweet and the ending was the perfect ending. Overall Ben and Nathan are a couple goals.

15. Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell: I loved space adventures with a hint of romance, it’s one of my favorite combos. This book was written by the same author of Winter Orbit and it takes place in the same universe, however this isn’t a sequel since Kiem and Jainan aren’t mentioned and we have new main characters. In this book we follow Tennal, an absolut flirt who is constantly getting himself in trouble and Surit a Lieutenant who is very by-the-book. After Tennal gets himself in trouble yet again he’s forced to join the military where he meets Surit and they are forced to work together and forced to sync; and syncing is a type of merging of the minds. However Surit doesn’t want to sync because Tennal has made it clear he doesn’t want to be controlled. This leads to them coming up with a plan to get Tennal out of the military while keeping Surit rank. While this is happening they start slowing noticing a power struggle within the military. This book had me on the edge of my seats and I couldn’t stop listening, the romance wasn’t much which is fine because the overall plot was so intriguing it made up for the lack of romance. Overall Space politics are confusing but in a fun way.

14. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall: This is the funniest book I read all year. Hands down. Boyfriend Material is about Luc O’Donnell who is the child of two retired rockstars and because of this he’s constantly in the spotlight and usually for all the wrong reasons. Wanting to clear his image he needs to find a perfect boyfriend, which he does with a successful educated man named Oliver Blackwood. They enter a fake dating situation which benefits them both. Luc and Oliver's relationship moved along so naturally and Luc is so funny. All the side characters were great too and while I knew what the ending was gonna be I was still surprised on how it ended. Overall UK comedy is undefeated.

13. She Gets the Girl by Racheal Lippincott, Alyson Derrick: Sapphic slow-burns are perfect for the summer. In this story we follow Alex Blackwood who has lots of issues both in her family and her dating life and Molly who has a close relationship with her family but never had a real date or relationship. The two are polar opposites but come together to help each other out, Alex helps Molly get with her long time crush Cora Myers and it helps Alex prove to her ex that she’s a better person. Molly and Alex are so cute together, Alex encouraging Molly to come out of her shell was really sweet, and I related to Molly a lot. Overall Sweet, Sapphic, and I want to learn how to roller skate

12. Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli: This book was so cute. In this we follow Imogen Scott who is a huge Ally and very involved in queer media. She visits her best friend Lili who’s thriving in college making new queer friends and everything is great…except Lili told a small lie saying that her and Imogen are ex’s and that Imogen is bi. Not wanting to make her friend seem like a liar she plays along, however while doing that she starts falling for Tessa, who is one of Lili's new friends. Imogen is such a sweetheart and one of my favorite main characters, The cover is also one of my favorites this year. Overall “I’m not homophobic, I’m an Ally”

11. A Mark on My Soul by Jordon Greene: This is the only book I read that didn’t have a happy ending. In this we follow Noah who decides to come out as gay to his friends, family, and publically online. When this happens he gets a message from a “secret admirer” which turns out to be his best friend Parker who’s in the closet. This book ripped my heart in half and ended up sobbing my eyes out. I already knew how Parker's story ended because I accidentally spoiled the ending for myself but despite that I grew so attached to Parker and wanted him to be happy. This book was a hard read for me but I loved it so much. Overall Parker deserves better!

10. The Long Run by James Acker: Ngl I almost DNF this book. I didn’t like the first 3 chapters and since I was listening to this book on audible I also wasn’t a big fan of Sandro’s VA, but chapter 4 is where I truly got invested and I’m so glad I keep reading because I ended up loving this book. In this story we follow Bash and Sandro, who are both finishing their last year of High School and after kissing at a Party they form a friendship. This is a true slowburn because even though they kissed in the beginning they stay mostly platonic and do “dude-bro” stuff. I also love that Bash never makes the fact he’s Bi a big deal, he just accepts that he fell for a guy and doesn’t care. Sandro and Bash are so cute together and I loved them so much. Overall Bash the Flash and the Italian Yeti are my OTP

9. Time Out by Sean Hayes, Todd Milliner, Carlyn Greenwald: I found out a lot of people don’t like this book and it honestly breaks my heart. In this we follow Barclay who's basically a sport legend in his school, at least he was until he decided to come out very publicly and the reception wasn’t what he was anticipating, because of this he leaves the Basketball team and help his friend Amy with school related politics where he also meets Christopher and together they help the voiceless have a voice. Barclay and Christopher's relationship is so sweet and wholesome I loved reading about them watching movies and kissing goodnight. I love non-sexual intimacy. Barclay is also great, he’s really kind and understanding given the circumstances of everything that happened to him. Overall everyone on GoodReads is wrong.

8. Snowflake Kisses by Jordon Greenee, Yayira Dzames: Skylar and Jacob are back! In this book we follow Skylar and Jacob who are spending their first Christmas together. Honestly this book is just vibes, no big conflicts, no third act breakup, no Jacbo’s dad, just pure sugary vibes. Seeing Skylar and Jacob have snowfighters, cuddle in the car, and get each other thoughtful gifts, everything was just so nice. Skylar's parents were also great and seeing them treat Jacob like family made my heart skip a beat. Plus I loved art. Yayira Dzames did an amazing job capturing the characters. Overall My favorite Christmas comic.

7. Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date by Ashley Herring Blake: Small confession, I wasn’t a big fan of Iris in the first two books (Delilah Green Doesn’t Care and Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail). However I ended up liking her a lot at the end of this book. In this we follow Iris who has given up on dating and sticking to casual hook-ups after her two failed relationships. Unfortunately for Iris who’s a romance author she suffered from writer's block and needed to find inspiration. We also follow Stevie, a struggling actress with anxiety issues trying to get her big break while helping her ex keep her community theater studio open. When Stevie finds herself in a web of lies her and Iris start a fake relationship, this helps Stevie prove to her friends that she doesn’t need her feeling protected and helps Iris find inspiration for her needed book; they of course start actually falling for each other. Iris and Stevie have amazing chemistry throughout the book and I loved how patient Iris is with Stevie when it comes to sex and intimacy. The consent checks and making sure they both enjoyed each other was so hot. Stevie such as sweetheart and I related to her when it comes to how she views sex and her anxiety and Iris is great too. Overall Stevie has my whole heart.

6. The Sun and Star: A Nico di Angelo Adventure by Rick Riordan, Mark Oshiro: Fun fact I didn’t read any Percy Jackson books before this but I liked this anyways. We follow Nico di Angelo the son of Hades and his boyfriend Will Solace the son of Apollo as they travel through the underworld to find their friend Bob who was left behind in Hades Realm. Despite not reading anything Percy Jackson related I loved his adventure, Nico and Will bounce off each other perfectly and I wish there were more books where the main couple are already together because seeing these boyfriends act like boyfriends made my heart flutter. It was such a fun ride from beginning to end and I enjoyed it so much. Overall I should read Percy Jackson.

5. The First to Die at the End by Adam Slivera: This book destroyed me…so 5 stars. This is a prequel of They Both Die at the End, in this book we follow the first ever Decker and see Death-Cast go live for the first time. In this we follow Orion Pagan who lost his parents young and suffers from a deadly heart condition and while he has big dreams for his future he doesn’t see himself living long enough to achieve those dreams and we also follow Valentino Prince who moves to New York with his twin sister to start his molding career, however that’s cut short when he gets the call at midnight. I cried like 4 times reading this book, it was amazing. All the side characters were great and I love multiple POV’s in books. Overall I need more Death-Cast books.

4. Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail by Ashley Herring Blake: Jordan Everwood is hands down my favorite character. This is the second book in the Bright Falls series and I couldn’t wait to read this one. We follow Astrid who just ended her engagement and is trying to focus on work, we also follow Jordan who helps her grandmother renovate her inn to avoid having to sell. After a not so great first interaction they find themselves working together to fix the inn for a reality tv show. As they work together they start to get to know each other and open up to each other about their family, relationships, and jobs. I loved Astrid in the first book and was so excited to see her story continue and I loved her and Jordan's connection. Overall “You deserve a destiny Jordan Everwood”.

3. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: This book was so good! In this we follow Monique who has just been assigned to write the autobiography about famous Hollywood Icon Evelyn Hugo and her glamorous and scandalous life. Evelyn is probably the most complex character I’ve read this year, out of all the characters she felt the most human, she made mistakes and did things she regretted but also had moments of kindness and had to make really tough choices. I liked Monique however if I had to change anything I wish we focused on her more, but what we have is great. Overall I need this to be a movie.

2. Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: This book has amazing writing, I stayed engaged the whole time and couldn’t stop listening. We follow Lily Hu who is a seventeen year old Chinese American living in ChinaTown. This story takes place in 1954 when the red-scare was a big threat for Chinese Americans. Due to this Lily faces many problems, her father may be deported, her friend group is changing, and she starts developing feelings for other women especially her friend Kath. She and Kath start going to an underground lesbian club called the Telegraph Club. This book was so good, I can barely put it into words. Overall Speechless

1. The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas: I loved this book! I knew this was gonna be number one because this was the only book I’ve ever dreamt about after reading. In this we follow Teo, a seventeen year old trans son of Quetzal who finds himself in a century old battle to the death. Teo has no training and is convinced he will not make it out alive. I adore everything about this book, the comedy, the characters, the world building, and the plot twist left me speechless. I cannot wait for part 2! Overall I already miss Teo, Niya, Sol, and Aurelio.

#queer books #astrid parker doesn't fail #i wish you all the best #imogen obviously #jordon greene #ashley herring blake #james acker #the long run #becky albertalli #May the best man win #the sunbearer trials #adam silvera #aiden thomas #book ratings

[lil228]

Red White and Royal Blue Notes Day 5

WARNING- Spoilers for the movie and the book up to chapter 11

kay the two of them quoting historical love letters to each other is absolutely adorable! If someone did that for me I think I’d cry of happiness.

Henry telling Alex part of his life story in the form of a fairytale is really interesting. It allows Henry to have a sort of distance from the tragedy of his father’s death and the aftermath. The last paragraph is particularly good, and a really creative way for Henry to express his love for Alex

Alright the two are in the same country again, and normally that means a spicy scene, but I don’t actually think there will be one this time. 

Oh God! I did NOT need to know that information about LBJ

Okay so with the President, Zahra and now Oscar the total of people who know about Alex and Henry is 10- we are now in the doubled digits, and based on the fact that at least two of those people put together on their own, I’m honestly shocked that more people don’t know. Alex is definitely not a subtle as he things he is.

  “I-I don’t know I thought you might need to have, like a Catholic moment about this or something?” Why is this similar to what I though when I came out to my parents. They were way more chill about it than I thought. They were just kinda like okay and moved on. 

“Have a little more faith in your old man that that eh A little appreciation for the patron saint of gender-neutral bathrooms in California? Little Sh*t.” (255) That was really funny, and also almost word for word in the movie!

I like that Alex tells his dad that his mom made a PowerPoint about the situation and his dad’s like- yea that sounds like your mom.

“Sometimes you just have to jump and hope it’s not a cliff.” (256). If I recall correctly this was in the movie to, I really like this quote. 

   Alright so the sex was more implied that an actual scene, so I was right there was no spicy scene. If Henry gets back to England before an spicy scene I’m going to give myself a point. 

I thinks it’s funny that out of, petulant, short and not pleasant before until after 10 am, Alex takes the most umbridge with being called short.

Dose making out in the kitchen count as a spicy scene? Okay new rule- it doesn't count as spicy scene unless 1. It’s an actual scene so for example if two people wake up next to each other the next morning in their birthday suits that doesn't count. 2. one or more people become pantsless for purposes of adult activities, it can fade to black before the act it’s self but not before one or more of the parties are sans pants, or their is some other strong indicator that the act is going to happen. 

Okay well now I’m having another dos it count moment, per the rules someone has to be sans pants for the purpose of adult activities and seems like Henry is pantless but he did to jump into the lake? Like I’m really confused? I mean I think it was getting there but they didn’t? I think If I’m confused as to wether or not the criteria it doesn't. Like it seems like the scene was headed in that direction but just never got there. So I’m going to go with no, no, it wasn’t   

I have another prediction point.I am now at 6. 

I knew that Henry was going to start ignoring Alex bc I’ve watched the movie but it’s still making me sad

Alex finding that note- ugh my heart.

You’re at work, don’t cry, don’t cry don cry!

Okay so Zahra has to at least ship it a little bit, because she only nearly refuses to secure a car for Alex in England.

 Did Alex leave a note telling anyone where he went? Well I guess Zahra knows were he is

“My birthright is a country, not happiness.”  That made me really sad, poor Henry, I just want to give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay. 

Ugh Henry is crying, I can’t take it!

Ok geez that spicy scene came out of nowhere! 

I love that Henry references Darcy. I think a lot of men are afraid to reference Pride and Prejudice or even read it because they think it’s a girly romance novel, but Henry doesn't care. I think it just goes to show how much Henry can be himself around Alex, and of course he’s read Pride And Prejudice because Jane Austen.

Henry is absolutely correct. Who in their right mind eats plain toast? At least put some butter on it! Like I’m sorry but eating plain toast unless you have a stomach bug is an affront to, bread, breakfast, and humanity.    

“If there’s any legacy for me on this bloody earth, I want it to be true.” (280)

I love that June has texted Alex 46 times, and Nora’s just chill about the thing. Like everyone else is freaking the f*ck out and Nora’s like eh whatever, have you seen my shoes?

Also “I’m going to punch you in the face when you get back, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” and “I swear to God if you do something stupid and get yourself caught, I’m gonna kill you myself.” (281) while also wanting to know how it went is just peak big sister energy. 

“I know it’ll be messy. But if we can get ahead of the narrative, wait for the right time and do it on our own terms I think it should be okay?” (283) Uhg, knowing what’s coming hurts.

I would love for someone to take me to a museum when there was no one else there, except for the curators so I could ask them loads of questions.  I could look at all the things (art or history, or both) for as long as I wanted, I could read all the information without any pressure or anyone in the way. It would be a dream for me.  

I too could spend hours in an archive.

#red white and royal blue #books and reading #book thoughts

[justmeinadaze]

To the anonymous person that sent that ask, I'm going to answer you here without putting it on my page just because one it is a little long and my answer to it may be just as and two because I felt like some of what you put in there...may be triggering to some and you'll understand why when I answer it here.

The person asked me if its uncomfortable for someone in their thirties to write about young characters for people who are younger than me. They also asked about writing through a younger characters eyes, the process, and if it makes me miss being a teen or in my early twenties. They also mentioned how there are concepts as we get older that we understand more that we can't quiet comprehend when we are younger (certain emotions, etc.)

Short answer does it make me uncomfortable? No. For awhile writing in general made me uncomfortable because I was made to believe by my abuser from an early age that my voice didn't matter. I'm still learning how to express myself and writing the fics I write have actually helped a lot with that.

When I write I like to build...that's usually why I have multiple chapters for character growth because like with Unattainable (which is actually pretty close to a lot of my own experiences) the reader didn't understand what she was going through. This was just meant to be her life but as she grew internally and with Eddie she was able to become who she needed and wanted to be.

Some history about me (I have mentioned before but I know I have a lot of new faces <3) I have PTSD mostly from my abuse from biological mother growing up and the sudden passing of my father in my early twenties. Because of my abuse...I grew up quickly. My therapist once asked me when I truly felt like I became an adult and my answer was 8. I've always felt more grown up than I had to be and I learned about complex concepts like grief, love, sex all of that WAY before I should have.

Did I understand them? To a point... I would say as someone in their thirties... I understand more now...WHY I experienced those those things and how it molded me as a person in my thirties. Does that make sense? Does it make me miss those times? No. More than anything it makes me think of...what I could have had. I think the biggest love letter to a life I wish I had is In The Eye of the Beholder. I wish I had grown up with an Eddie to spend time with and marry. As an adult I'd give anything to have Good Neighbors.

I genuinely believe that the people that read my stories resonate with a lot of the themes and more than anything I just want people to know that it's okay to feel what you're feeling. It ok if you don't have all the pieces. Its ok to be confused about some things. It's ok to not be ok. You aren't alone.

I really hope I answered your questions clearly lol Again, I struggle with voicing and organizing my thoughts. I've gotten better but lol and I know you stated that your question wasn't meant to offend. I assure you I didn't take them that way :)

#anon ask #my inbox is always open #feel free to talk to me #or ask me anything #you matter

[ahkavia]

i don’t rate, i just listen (vol 1)

(deeply personal) opinion written 5/6/23

The Lonny Breaux Collection 

Frank Ocean 

Released April 2011

On the project 

This project feels like teenage ambition, like when you’re an adult trying to be an adult (for the first time). Excited and impatient. Bright and unscathed. It feels like 2 weeks before a blessed new chapter. Like right after you settle into self. Bliss comes only after that surrender. Frank’s ability to produce this many quality songs lets me know that only time and patience can take me where I wanna be. You can feel his commitment to practice throughout this project.  However short or long, you know you gotta keep going. You hear him smashing influences and technicality into his unique sound, his own creation. Though in alphabetic order, the songs feel like an expansion of the one before-not in the sense of storytelling or BPMs, but of a piece that strengthens the project in its entirety. It feels like an eagerness to express himself. 

Creatively, this collection is inspiring. As an artist, I scrap so much of my work. I sometimes fear imperfection and end up denying myself an opportunity to see my vision in full actualization. His collaborations with talents like James Fauntleroy are foundational to where r&b/Alt R&B and pop music is today. In looking at where they stand today, I understand the value of connecting with others creatively, I see that our creations are more beautiful when made together. This project displays the vulnerability of Frank’s growth as a writer and as an artist. It's playful and deep, It’s relatable but it feels like an alternate universe, like what may become. You easily recognize the cohesiveness of everyone that collaborated to create these songs. 

This project grounds me because you can hear 2011 In this- the grind before the perfect emergence of new tools for expression, with Tumblr gaining strength as a platform in 2013 with 13 billion yearly listeners. This sound and creativity contributed to this greatly. This project feels exactly like the years leading to a refreshing creative scene. It feels like the wave of exploration and training/practicing/work in anticipation of something big. It was transformation, preparation for something I had never experienced. Those times prepared me for where I am now, especially creatively.

project moodboard (all images via pinterest/not mine)

Frank's letter to himself (2011)

On me

The past year has felt like flowing into my sense of self. I learned that you just have to move forward. There are no rules to how fast you move. I met everything I was fighting not to shed, the core of my protecting force. I learned that most of who I am exists outside of me and that a home is a place where you feel most like you. Undeniably, boldly, happily you. I rejected rest to deflect from how deep I needed to go to get over myself. As I discovered my being, the warping of my self-understanding stretched me. I was confused and wounded in so many ways. 

Spiritually, I faced truths and redefined love, and gave it up to do the healing work. I couldn’t take what didn’t truly feel like me. Some things came back and some I parted ways with. I chose vulnerability once, and I choose it often now. The pain built my agility. Perseverance mirrored my weathering. I extended patience to myself because I had no choice. My mind was-is- always emulsifying, rest was only met when immense exhaustion and almost never accompanied relaxation. With an eye over my shoulder and a blade in my hand, I was protecting emotions with logic. I failed time and time again until I was certain. There was no half-doing in this. I felt every emotion and I sat in it, I tried and tried again. I gave myself the gift of surrender. 

Community is a topic that’s been at the center of my life lately. I had to discover what was stopping me from being who I knew I was despite not feeling it then. The value of those who I experience life with is so much greater than I was allowing myself to embrace. I often felt alone. It wasn’t loneliness but a habit of maintaining distance from those around me. In many rights, it felt like I had no one to guide me- no older siblings, mentors, or sponsors. I didn’t have any close examples of a lifestyle I desired. I had to feel my way through. 

While this is true in the tangible sense, I constantly found myself in “lucky” situations where just who or what I needed was right there.  Even if I had marched forward through 80% of the work needed to meet a desire, that 20% that came from the assistance of those outside of me was immensely influential, I learned that I need people and that I have the power to nurture an organic and loving community around me. I learned to embrace those around me leaning into those that come in my life and those that leave. I found balance in being present and enjoying what was in front of me. I learned that by denying myself of that experience, I denied myself an experience to truly know myself. 

Revisiting The Lonny Breaux Collection took me on a journey of Frank's growth, each chapter documented within his art. It reminds me that everything that is is here because of everything that was. It commemorates the last of an era, with a name change and an undeniably unique sound that would shape his legacy in music. 

Themes & tags:

Community

Young Adulthood

Creativity

Personal Transformations

Aquarius 

The 11th House 

Internet community

Openness

Personal Power

Abundance

Foundation building 

Patience

Divine Timing

Personal Development

Ahkavia.

On the series:I don’t rate, I just listen is basically: album reviews/assessments/concepts. detailing my takeaways, likes, commentary etc. may include a mood board for albums that give the feel that I embody when listening ie food, textures, smell, feelings, colors and moments. enjoy!

#writing #Community #Young Adulthood #Creativity #Personal Transformations #Aquarius #The 11th House #Internet community #Openness #Personal Power #Abundance #Foundation building #blackblog #frankocean #thelonnybreauxcollection #2011 #blackartist #playlistcurator #Patience #Divine Timing #Personal Development #ahkavia

[pridepages]

eARC Review: Darkhearts

A HUGE thank you to Netgalley and Wednesday Books for providing me an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

GOODREADS SYNOPSIS:  When David quit his band, he missed his shot at fame. For the past two years, he’s been trapped in an ordinary Seattle high school life, working summers for his dad’s construction business while his former best friends Chance and Eli became the hottest teen pop act in America. Then Eli dies. Suddenly David and Chance are thrown back into contact, forcing David to rediscover all the little things that once made the two of them so close, even as he continues to despise the singer’s posturing and attention-hogging. As old wounds break open, an unexpected kiss leads the boys to trade frenemy status for a confusing, tentative romance—one Chance is desperate to keep out of the spotlight. Though hurt by Chance’s refusal to acknowledge him publicly, David decides their new relationship presents a perfect opportunity for him to rejoin the band and claim the celebrity he's been denied. But Chance is all too familiar with people trying to use him. As the mixture of business and pleasure becomes a powder keg, David will have to choose: Is this his second chance at glory? Or his second chance at Chance?

RELEASE DATE: 6/6/2023

See my full review under the cut!

Sutter’s latest novel Darkhearts is a strong, bittersweet work about grief and regret. 

This book is difficult to classify. While it has some elements of a romcom (friends-to-rivals-to-lovers, secretly dating, finding yourself, etc.), it doesn't actually read like one. The romance between narrator David and his love interest Chance is the main plot, but arguably the story is really about how David has been stuck in the past and needs to find a way to move forward. If I had to register a critique, it would be the fact that band member and friend Eli's death wasn't handled in a way that served the narrative or the readers. 

This is the event that kicks off the plot and brings Chance and David back together. Narratively, we are set up to expect it will be tied to the emotional development of both characters. Maybe it will help them learn to let go of old grudges because life is too short? Maybe it will cast doubt on how they used to see each other or the wider world? Maybe something else, but (pardon the expression) you can’t raise a ghost like that and then just expect it to...fade away.

But that’s exactly what happens. By the midway point of the book, Chance's feelings of guilt are "resolved" for narrative purposes...Or maybe they just get forgotten? Either way, the fact that this event just falls away is troubling.

It’s particularly insensitive considering that Eli’s death is a tragedy related to substance abuse. This is an incredibly serious topic, one that affects many young people, particularly young queer people. Chance--who lived in the bubble of teenage stardom side-by-side with Eli--is no doubt traumatized by the loss of the person who understood him best in the world. But somewhere along the line, David and Chance have maybe one honest, vulnerable conversation about it...and then they never speak of it again!

The only thing I can think of is that maybe this is meant to be another sign of David’s selfishness. He’s the narrator, and by the end he realizes that he’s been ignoring the emotional needs of his friends and family to feed his own resentment. But wouldn’t Eli’s death be a trauma for David too? After all, he perceives Eli as having left him behind for fame just as much as Chance did. Knowing David as a character, I find it hard to believe he wouldn’t obsess over the fact that he’s not ever going to get some kind of closure with Eli.

As always, there’s also the Big Question of all queer self discovery stories: to come out or not to come out? I understand that not every teenager is in a position to come out before becoming an independent adult. I also recognize that in real life celebrities often choose to live in the closet because homophobia has real consequences that could put them and their dreams in danger.

Still! I hate reading stories like that. I live and breathe homophobia every day of my life. I don’t want to escape in a book and see queer people having to settle for a half life of stifled unhappiness, resigned to reality because that’s just the way life is. Why do we write fiction if not to bring back some measure of power to our lives with our voices?

So I also thought I would leave unsatisfied by the 'resolution' about the choice to come out or not. 

Until those last couple of lines...

Well, let's just say I liked it better than I thought I would.

I'd recommend this book to fans of YA, coming-of-age novels, and bittersweet romances.

#darkhearts #earc review #james l sutter #mlm #gay #bisexual #lgbt reads #queer lit #ya books

[kirkshouseplant]

I hope you don’t mind if I give you a couple characters for the ask game!!

Red from Pokémon

Sylvain from Fire Emblem

For trainer RED

First impression: When I first was introduced to his character I thought that he was a silent protagonist who had most of his lore/and personality built on headcanons(Which I love, its really cool to see what a community can come up with. I can name a number of fandoms who have made cooler lore than the devs could lol) who didn't have much else to him.

Impression now: Red is actually a lot more than he seems. He has a personality of his own and I like how we catch it in small glimpses(through his canon internal dialogue we see in the 96' version of pokemon Red. And his many expressions that are more of a silent language than a reaction as seen in Pokemon Masters.)

Favorite Moment: My favorite moment honestly is the one in Pokemon Masters where he just, stares at Blue, and they somehow have this dramatic conversation while everyone else just looks at them violently confused. Makes me laugh (:

Idea for a story: This is something I totally didn't think of this morning. Red finally decides its time to step down from his Pokemon journey and decides to open an Pokemon sanctuary to rehome and rehabilitate abandoned or feral pokemon.

Unpopular Opinion: Red is selectivley mute.

Favorite Relationship: You know where this is going. (However, I mean this more platonically, but they're married your honor lol) I like the relationship he and Blue have in Alola. It's cool to see how their intense rivalry turned into a mature and healthy friendship in their adult years.

Favorite Headcanon: My favorite headcanon is that Red is fluent in sign language.

Now for Garreg Mach's favorite flirt!(affectionate)

First impression: Until you showed me his character in game. I kind of had the idea that his whole personality was being a flirty heart breaker/fuckboy from what I had seen from the internet.

Second impression: Oh my god. No. I was so wrong. On second glance of seeing him in Game he the complete opposite.

Sylvain is a good boy(who has been through so much) who tries his best to do good by his friends despite his own horrific experiences.(though he needs to do some personal check in, he needs some help.) His flirtatious personality is actually really fun as well. Join my house you idiot Himbo.

Favorite moment: I'm not sure which support this is but the one where he and Felix are joking around and jokes the line "We aren't going to let our constant verbal abuse get in the way of our friendship are we?" Referring to how they playfully tease each other.. Because 1. Its a summary of being best friends. 2. It reminds me of our friendship.

Idea for a story: Been thinking about this too. Sylvain and Felix denounce their heritage to becoming the lords of their houses and running away together after the end of the war. And form a little life together.

Unpopular opinion: I think he should be easily recruited by M!Byleth too. As we know by Flayn's support he is either Bi or Pan.

Favorite relationship: His friendship with Felix. I love the complexity of it. Because on the surface they seem like bitter strangers after a broken off friendship. But once you really get into their supports you really see that they are close childhood best friends who would stop at nothing to make sure the other was safe.

Favorite headcanon: My favorite headcanon is that he is trans. I can't really explain it. But it just feels right for his character. (That being said I am perfectly fine with all gender headcanons for him. I think they are all wonderful/gen)

#fire emblem three houses #sylvain jose gautier #felix hugo fraldarius #pokemon #trainer red #blue oak

[candlelightreader]

Ok I binge watched Castle (never watched when it aired) and I have QUESTIONS! And yes, OTP Caskett for life right here no ifs, ands, or buts.

Already rewatching right now, but here's what I don't get:

- the fuck was that last season? I binge watched I cannot imagine what it would've been like to wait week after week while that mess unfolded.

- season 8 again: did Castle truly believe she was leaving him for real? And she let him? I just really was confused and thought he knew there was something up but that he played along. Completely nonsensical

- whole disappearing for two months was so fucked I can't even express myself. And the explanation makes no sense. Period.

- frankly, I love this show except for the parts I don't. But the suspension of disbelief necessary in it just made no sense. I am never one to jump out of a story, I'm usually happy to go with the flow. but are you seriously telling me that there are no defense lawyers out there who throw the cases out because Castle is in on interrogations and is at crime scenes? But maybe that's me. That's not the biggest one. The biggest has to be the extent to which they keep allowing these cops to investigate their own cases or cases where there's a clear involvement or what can be qualified as conflict of interest. Not even talking about the whole Beckett's mom thing. That at least was mostly rogue. Just talking about (for example) Castle remaining on the case when his rich buddy's wife was killed. Or when Espo is allowed within arms length of that case with his thief of an ex. Like, come on! Is there no internal affairs in this universe? (Other than the one internal affairs cop that was the villain, of course.)

- Castle's mom was too good for that show! No I'm kidding. I just loved her.

- Alexis devolving into a normal young adult was a bit jarring after she had been such a wise and unusual teen whom her dad had to bribe to be bad. I guess as he dad grew up she allowed herself to be a child?

- OK back to Caskett. What stopped them being together at the beginning? Nah this one is not serious. But the tension sure was nice yet excruciating. I would've loved them to explore what happens when he's super famous and she's super famous by proxy. Just wouldn't have objected to seeing their lives as a couple, solving crimes by day, being glamorous by night. I hate that his fame seems to become a non-issue later. Why couldn't the Nikki Heat movie be a hit if that actress was supposedly a hit? And who played Rook exactly? We see everyone else but him.

- oh another illogical thing. I get Castle signing away his life in the second episode. But it just never made sense that Beckett has him as partner but essentially has no back-up with him. (Who backed her up before he showed up btw? Espo and Ryan have each other. Aren't detectives supposed to have a partner?) He is unarmed all the time and is just a liability. Bringing me to how they never have him being shot which is annoying to my hurt trope loving self.

- that first/fake kiss? ... ya ... got nothing there

- fuck Josh.

- fuck Demming too, though I'd give anything to see/hear about how he takes the news of C and B being together

- why was she so PDA heavy at the precinct when she was with Demming and Josh, only to have that nowhere to be seen with Castle? (After they are out)

- fuck Gina too, kinda. I have less hate on Castle's exes or lovers only because we actually get a sense of who they are and we see they insignificant and a way for him to pass time while waiting for Kate to make up her mind. But Beckett's lovers are just there to be hated by Castle. There is an inconsistency in how much the audience gets to know them. Josh is a man doctor with a bike. That's all we know. Like she ordered him on cliche dot com. So ya, I get the show is Castle's, but then don't show the fight room scenes with Beckett but then have her get together and dump Josh both offscreen. He was just there to annoy Castle and push him that one time!

- for a writer he just couldnt use his damn words could he? Why didn't he just tell her he told her he loved her instead of acting like toddler about it?

That is all for now. Had to get it out. Excuse me now as I go seek out fanfic.

#castle beckett #caskett #richard castle #castle #kate beckett #castel fanfic #OTP

[honoringthehorrific]

I watched X (2022) after Pearl (2022) and here's what I thought...

Lord have mercy it's been a while hasn't it? Lets churn out one for the new year! As always: Spoilers under the cut! <3

I'm gonna do this one differently than my usual reviews since I haven't seen the movie in a while, instead of my typical play by play I'm gonna just tell you what I thought and talk about specific scenes. Now, I know this movie was the first in the series, but I was more drawn to the look of the prequel, and I hadn't heard much promo for this movie until my dad watched it alone and boasted to me about it being one of the most fucked movies he's ever seen and I knew I had to watch it. I will say if you're going into this movie expecting some super disturbing gore-fest...Prepare to be disappointed. Don't get me wrong AT ALL the blood and effects are beautiful and i thought the amount of violence was perfect. However don't be fooled. Anyone who says this movie is gross or disturbing or fucked up may just be echoing the point the movie is trying to make.

This movie is about getting older, its about sex and porno and being free but I genuinely think the main focus is getting older.

When we meet pearl she sees herself reflected in Maxine and that's made painfully clear by the choice to cast Mia Goth as BOTH Pearl and Maxine. Pearl consistently watches Maxine almost out of jealousy but I would even argue out of mourning...She's seeing this girl come to her home, This beautiful girl who looks just like her when she was her age, making those movies the projectionist showed her when she was younger. Seeing this girl with a boyfriend who wants to make her a star, with friends...I imagine its painful to a degree...

Pearl repeatedly expresses sexual desires she still has but can't act on them because she's too old...Harold's heart can't take the strain sex would put on it and she has no other outlets as the young adults are either disgusted with her and reject her advances (RJ and Max) or treat her as if she's a child. (Bobby Lynne) I loved these characters so much. While it pays homage to one of my all time favorite slashers, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, It isn't like your typical slasher. These kids are lovable. These kids you want to see make it...Except maybe Wayne. You get snippets of their personalities and their motives as time goes on: Bobby Lynne wants to be a star like the other girls but also she thought about becoming a nurse because her nanna used to get confused. Jackson is a Vietnam vet who actually shows Howard immense respect unlike the typical rude kid persona we see in movies like these. RJ wants to make serious movies and is a cinema buff but he also cares a lot about his girlfriend Lorraine. Lorraine, while being the typical "pure" virgin character, also wants to join in and experience something new. Maxine came from an Evangelical christian household and seems to be escaping that constricting life with Wayne. One thing that I think is incredibly sad is when people mention how "fucked up" this movie is, the focus seems to center not on the gore or effects but...on the fact that it displays the elderly in a sexual light and wanting to still have sex. It's interesting because even in the movie, despite certain characters discounting the elderly couple (Wayne mentions something a long the lines of Harold forgetting how to use his dick) there is this scene where Bobby-Lynne is explaining things to Lorraine, and it's not a main focus in her statement, but she says that in the sex industry nothing matters, gay, straight, your race, or your age. I think we have a really idealized version of MILFs and Cougars, Older women with sexual desires, when we forget that often those "Older women" can look like pearl...

I thought the underlying message of even the elderly can want love and sex was sort of romantic and beautiful? I wish more people picked up on it and I'm certain I'm not the only one who did. It's just strange talking to anyone i know in person who saw this movie talk about it like it's so nasty and grotesque when it seems like the gore is somewhat minimal compared to the typical slashers I know these people watch? Now that's not to discount the effects AT ALL I loved what we did see when we saw it, RJ's blood spatter on the headlights, Wayne getting his eyeballs gouged out (that one actually made me cringe in my seat!) All of these were done pretty well while at the same time having this sort of....at home feel? I'm really not ragging on them i love practical effects and i don't know how much of this was practical but some of the effects feel like someone did it by hand, It felt akin to watching a movie from the 80s vs one modernly. Which honestly could have been the feel that they were going for.

The ending was sooo good too. I loved finding out that Maxine had some sort of tie back to this TV preacher we keep seeing. I loved the scene where she repeats him and you can hear on the TV him speak before her, "Say it with me now!" The one thing I don't like is how pearl turns on her at the end? Calling her a whore and what not however, I don't think this is out of character for pearl, she has a lot of outbursts like this in her prequel movie, the one that i can think of mainly is the scarecrow scene if you've seen Pearl (P.S. if you haven't oh my god?? go watch it?? even if you hated X I think Pearl is a reaaaally good stand alone film!) I do think it was fitting even if i didn't particularly like it. The end where Max drives off, hitting pearl on the way seems soooo fitting too. The comparison of pearl and max through the movie, their confrontation at the end where max wins and hits her with the truck after she falls and breaks her hip...It feels fitting maybe because of how the elderly and the young butt heads...Maybe how the young typically come out the end because the elderly pass away...I don't know maybe I'm reaching too far on this one. Over all a pretty good movie, I'd give it a 7/10 just because it seems like for how people hyped it up and the trailers hyped it up the gore and story elements just didn't scream at me that this was a fucked up movie. It definitely feels like a weaker movie compared to pearl, pearl worked so good as a stand alone film and I feel like X had potential to be that good? I think this was still a very good movie! I recommend it :) --- Post Notes: I'm sorry this one took so long. It's been a while since I actually watched X and I was really worried about this review not being as solid or as consistent as my pearl one. I think it's still all over the place but I wanted to give you guys this because i think there's at least a handful of people that I've kept waiting on this :) If I missed anything and you wanna pick my brain on it I'll respond to any asks or any replies (Note replies are gonna get responses from my main account @playboycreature cause this is a side blog)

#reanimated reccomendations #regurgitated reviews #x 2022 #maxine x 2022 #pearl x 2022

[understandsexedlj]

Wilson

1000 words

Sex Ed Final

Going through this semester has really opened my eyes to how sexual wellbeing connects to your overall wellbeing. In this class we made journals for modules 3,5 and 6. It helped me keep focused on all the parts in this program, not just a test here and a reading there. I personally was hit with module 5. Module 5 was about how we as people express the love language and how we show it. Chapter 11 brought me into a whole new territory, I have always had the mindset that sex is love. It’s not but growing up with little to know parental presence I was always looking to be loved. I started hanging around people who were 16,17 and 18 at the age of 14 and a big part of that was because I was looking to be loved. My husband was 18 when we got together. It wasn’t love back then it was co-dependency and we both know this. He was dependent on drugs, and I was dependent on feeling wanted and needed. We had many ups and downs throughout the years. This class has stabilized our marriage. We now are using actual means of communication and affection to each other. We learned what love languages looked like together and apart and how they work together. This was new to both of us, we would not be as strong as we have become this last year in our relationship if it wasn’t for this class in my opinion.

 What really jumped out to me in chapter 9 was the statistics that the book had offered. Things like "6 percent of adolescents have sex before age 13 (Eaton et al., 2012). Experts agree that sex at age 15 or earlier is “early” sex and that it carries a number of risks (Price & Hyde, 2009)." The reasoning behind this is I don’t know if I was just engaging in life before my time or what but, that 6 percent just doesn’t seem realistic to me. Now if it would have said the 6 percent that doesn’t engage early. That would have been believable. The reason being is I was engaging in sexual behaviors un-forced by age 12. I thought this was normal too. I peaked in sexual activity when I was about 14 years old and had my son by 15. Partly the people I surrounded myself with at that time and partly because I felt I could do anything an adult could because not like anybody was going to stop me. So, reading the statistics on this was shocking. It did explain why I went through a whore faze just trying to figure out what a real connection was when I was 17.

We may look a little deeper into chapter 10, it brought a fight or flight message to me. Chapter 10 brings up Co-habitation and how it is a doomed day to marriage that I really didn’t understand. It still doesn’t make sense when I think about it either. Co-habitation is a part of our nature, not even in a sexual manner either. We as mammals thrive off the connection of others. It also made me think about how some religious groups who say you can’t live together before marriage confuse me, you never know who somebody really is until you are around them regularly, you get sick, healthy, angry and happy. You see how they cope when they are stressed and what they truly believe in. I always believe that if you do not stay actively in your habitat with somebody you can end up in over your head when it comes time to be forever or never.   

Thankfully this chapter brought my attention to how married couples have dry spells in life and in the bedroom. That is normal and it’s okay. What scarred me about this chapter was the rates of failure in relationships that fact that when studied thirty-seven percent of men and thirty-eight percent of woman admitted they believed they would cheat. Yes, flirting is cheating. For two people who mutually agree to monogamy have such a high rate to believe they will step out of the relationship for a feeling of desire.

            What I didn’t expect from this class was a sense of realization to help my relationship and bring unity to my marriage. I originally signed up for this class just because I needed a health credit. I am happy with my choice, this class has given me an understanding of the differences and similarities that sexuality plays on our daily lives, as well as how to approach the differences amongst people. I learned how there are different groups of love, it’s not just an “I love you, you love me” relationship. I learned it’s a triangle and realistically we need all points to excel. I learned how the development of fetishes and kinks are created in one’s brains. Coming from somebody has actively participated in the world of femdom/fetdom as a dominant this class has truly given me some insight, I never thought about in doing such behaviors.

Sexual Coercion was a very well written chapter to investigate. It brings attention to information most people don’t really consider as coercion. I am however appalled at the rapes reported. When you think about it that is just the amount of people who admit they were raped what about the countless MEN and women who don’t report. Rape is a serious problem and its not just a woman problem. Rape is one of the worst crimes that can be committed yet it is treated as if the victim is crazy, or they just drank to much. Never has a police officer asked a victim of car jacking or even mugging “Are you sure you didn’t want your car stolen?” as that is honestly a big message, we as society need to get across. How come the rape victim isn’t just believe and supported that they need to prove they were a victim. If we stop acting as if its up to the victim to prove that they were attacked, we might have a more accurate representative on how much rape actually occurs.

[v-hope]

Fall Out, 9:47PM — Belong

Warning: Familiar argument/fight and violence (nothing major).

Feeling his pocket vibrate over and over as Jimin kept spamming him with texts for him to go back downstairs where the party was taking place, he kept on walking, completely ignoring his best friend’s pleads, as he knew all too well that Jimin would not make a scene, which would definitely happen if he ran after him to stop him.

It wasn’t like he was trying to start a fight or anything. He had just seen you talk to your parents by the other side of the room — neither of you looking precisely happy as you made your way upstairs, where Jimin had pointed out your bedroom was. And, although he was dying to know what was going on, he knew he could always ask you afterwards. It was watching Sungjin going up right after you, what made him decide he was joining whatever was happening up there as well.

After all, he was your boyfriend. Not Sungjin. Even if the entire world believed otherwise.

It took him a good couple of minutes to find your room, for the mansion you used to live in was way bigger than he had expected — the music downstairs being barely audible anymore as he kept walking deeper into the second floor. He would probably have ended up giving up and going back down with Jimin to keep on drinking his feelings away, if it weren’t for the fact that he caught a glimpse of Sungjin after having turned right into what he thought, and hoped, was the last hallway.

Lee remained outside of a white door that Taehyung supposed belonged to your bedroom — palms lightly pressed to it as he tried his best to listen to what you and your parents were talking about inside.

“Stalker much?” Taehyung couldn’t help but call out once he reached his side, voice quiet as he tried his best for you not to listen to them from the other side of the door.

Sungjin rolled his eyes, taking a step back from the door. “Just worried”.

“What’s there to be worried about?”

“Y/N’s trying to talk them out of going on the trip, that won’t end up well”.

Taehyung frowned, clear panic mixed with confusion in his eyes. “What trip?”

Sungjin froze, petrified eyes locking with Taehyung’s to try and find out whether he was playing dumb or not.

“Yah, what trip are you talking about?” Taehyung pushed it.

“She… She didn’t tell you?”

He shook his head no. And for a moment there, staring into the dumbfounded and quite worried expression on Sungjin's face, he forgot that he didn’t know about your relationship to begin with. He seemed way too aware not to.

Nevertheless, even if Sungjin didn’t know you and Taehyung had been a couple for a good amount of months by now, he was not stupid — the chemistry between the two of you, and the way you cared for one another, were too much for him not to notice. Therefore, he was indeed taken aback over you not telling Taehyung you were going on a family trip with him.

Before Sungjin could even begin to try and give him an explanation, however, both their heads snapped back to the door — the voices inside becoming louder and closer to where they were standing. Just enough for them to be heard through the door, even more considering both guys pressed their ears to it without a second thought.

“You never listen to me!” your exasperated voice was the first one they heard. “I don’t want to do this anymore, just let me go already”.

“You can still change your mind, dear” your mother spoke up. “We said one year and we’re not giving up on showing you that you belong here until the last second”.

“Will you ever leave me alone after that?” your broken words made Taehyung feel uneasy. “Because this one year was supposed to be for me to show you I could survive on my own, which, by the way, I already did. It was never for you to convince me to stay”.

“We would be morons not to try and make you stay, dear”.

“I’m starting to believe the two of you will sabotage my life until I come crawling back here with you”.

“All we’re asking is for you to consider your choices until the year is done. We’re not monsters, darling” it was your father the one to speak up this time, causing Taehyung to roll his eyes right as you scoffed quite loudly.

“Lately that is all I can see you two as”.

“Excuse me?”

“What I just said,” although your voice trembled, it was confident enough. “I love you both so much, but all you’ve done this past year is make my life harder. I loved my life here, with its ups and downs, until the Jimin incident happened and you guys became even more controlling than you ever were”.

“We just want what’s best for you” your mother tried to make you understand. “All we want is for you to have the best things in life, Y/N”.

“And I have everything I need back home with Taehyung”.

Sungjin’s eyes snapped up to Taehyung, who bit the inside of his cheek, trying his best not to smile at your words, as your relationship had apparently been exposed to your fake fiancé right then.

“Please, that is not your home” your mother laughed, in a way that made your boyfriend’s blood boil. “You belong here, dear. You’re a Kim. You have always been and will always be a Kim. I know you will come to your senses and marry Sungjin so you can take after our business with your brother. You’re coming with us and that’s final”.

“Watch me. I’m not going on that trip”.

That’s when the doorknob turned and you came out of the room, stopping in your tracks when you stood face to face with the two nosy guys who didn’t know where to hide right then.

“What are you doing here?” your father’s voice was heard over yours — threatening eyes not on Sungjin, but on Taehyung.

Your boyfriend, however, did not take one step back. “Trying to find out what’s going on here”.

“I will tell you what’s going on here, handsome” your mother interrupted, unintentionally using the pet name you had for him — in a despective way, of course. He hated it. “Our daughter deserves better than you. She will come with us on a family trip with Sungjin and his family, so she can spend some quality time with her fiancé and realise how much happier she would be if she just married him and stayed here with us”.

“I’m not staying”.

“Whether you like it or not, this is reality” your mother kept talking to Taehyung regardless of your addition. “Did you really think a heiress like her could fall for a cheap artist like you?”

“Don’t you dare talk to him like that” you defended him in a heartbeat.

Taehyung, on the other hand, stayed silent.

He knew that was not what you thought. He had heard you only one minute ago tell your parents that you wanted to be with him, that your home was with him. Nevertheless, it hurt. Hearing all those things hurt, because they were exactly what he had been thinking when he saw you act ever so happily with your guests downstairs as your birthday gala went on.

No mater how many actual proof he had of you wanting to stay with him, he couldn’t help but think that there was still a chance, as small as it could be, of you coming back here with your parents and leaving him. Maybe it was the trauma of having lost all his loved ones before, he wasn’t sure. But, whatever it was, he couldn’t help but feel like he would lose you in the end.

They were right, in a way. You were used to this lifestyle. And he wished he could give you this kind of life. But he couldn’t. He could not afford it. He would never be able to afford it.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that” your mother fought back. “You still are my daughter, dear. Know your place”.

“Please,” you let out a breathy laugh. “I’ve known my place all along. Now you should take a hint and know yours, mother. Taehyung is my boyfriend”.

“And I am your mother”.

“I don’t care who you are! I love him! I love him and I’m staying with him, whether you like it or n—”

Your words were cut off by a burning feel in your cheek, one that a second later you learned had been caused by your mother’s hand colliding with it.

That was all it took for the two guys present to run next to you. Taehyung was faster, though — warm, familiar hands cupping your face and checking up on your already swollen cheek, his worried eyes silently asking your teary ones if you were okay, only glaring at your mother once you had nodded your head.

“What is wrong with you?!”

“I’m her mother, she owes me respect”.

“She owes you nothing!” he pulled you to him. “She is an adult, why can’t you get that?”

“We do not owe you any explanations” your father said, so calmingly it was infuriating.

“I would like an explanation, though” Sungjin mumbled. “Since I could possibly be marrying into this family”.

“Sungjin-ah…” your mother warned him.

“You just hit your daughter. In front of our eyes. You cannot possibly believe that is alright”.

“I believe the two of you don’t have a say in this”.

“As her possible future husband, I think I do”.

“And as her actual boyfriend,” Taehyung’s low voice caught their attention. “I will be taking her away from you now”.

Before they could stop you, his hand travelled up to your shoulder, securely keeping you by his side as he turned around and guided you away from the dramatic scene you had been involved in.

“I wouldn’t stop her from going on the trip with us tomorrow if I were you” your father spoke up as the two of you walked away from them. “Wouldn’t want your precious art to go downhill”.

“Whatever”.

You stared up at him, not being able to hide just how much both your father’s threat and Taehyung’s careless answer had worried you. Daring your parents was like playing with fire, and you didn’t want him to burn — especially not when he had found himself involved in this whole situation because of you.

All the confidence you had once felt about not going on the trip no matter what card they pulled on you, gone. For they were no longer using a card against you, but on him. You could not drag him into a fight that wasn’t his.

But he didn’t seem to mind. And, if he did, he was hiding it very damn well. With his eyes fixed ahead of you, he did nothing but keep walking aimlessly.

Although his first thought had been to take you home, he couldn’t ignore the fact that the place was filled with paps waiting outside so they could pester with questions and picture whoever it was that left the gala. Definitely not the way to go when you’re trying to keep a relationship secret. So, instead, he took you to one of the bathrooms on the second floor — informing you where he wanted to go and having you point out for him where the closest bathroom was.

Once inside, he made sure to lock the door, later lifting you up by your waist and sitting you down on the sink. Turning the hot water on, he wet a small towel and gently pressed it to the swollen skin on your cheek, causing a small whimper to escape your mouth at the contact.

“Are you really okay?” his eyes fixed on yours.

You nodded, a small smile curving up the corners of your lips. “Should’ve seen the one she gave me after finding out about Jimin and I”.

“It’s not funny” he shook his head, eyes just as worried as before.

“Sorry” you lowered your head. “I’m okay, though. It hurt me more what she said to you”.

“It was nothing” he lied, pressing the towel to your face one last time before he put it down next to you on the sink.

“None of it is true” you reassured him.

“Even the trip bit?”

You bit your lip, feeling your chest tighten as you knew you could no longer keep this from him; not when you had not managed to make your parents change their mind. You shook your head no. “That part is true…”

“So you’re truly going on a ‘family trip’ with them” his voice let you know just how bad he was not having it. “When?”

You said nothing, staring down at your hands resting on your lap as you nervously fidgeted with your fingers.

“Y/N?” he pushed it, your silence alone letting him know he would not like the answer he was looking for. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow”.

Silence.

And then, a breathy laugh escaped his mouth — an incredulous one, with no signs of humor in it whatsoever.

“Tomorrow?” he repeated. “You’re leaving tomorrow for God knows how long, on a trip with the one guy you’re possibly marrying, and you’re only now telling me?”

“I’m not marrying him” you mumbled.

“Were you even planning on telling me at all?” he asked, not seeming to care about your quiet correction. “Or were you just leaving tomorrow and letting me know once you were in a hotel room on the other side of the world?”

“Don’t be like that…”

“Then how do you want me to be, Y/N? Don’t I have a right to know my girlfriend is going on a trip with another guy?”

“I was trying to stop the trip altogether” you tried to explain. “That’s why I was talking to my parents. I do not want to go, Taehyung. I was trying to make them change their mind”.

“Well, that surely worked” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry” you held his hands in yours. “I tried, I really did”.

“So that’s it?” he asked coldly. “You’re going?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Yes!” he took a step back, hands slipping from yours. “You do. You’ve had a choice all along, yet you’ve decided to still follow your parents’ orders even after all this time”.

“My father literally threatened your career if I ended up not going”.

“I don’t care what he does to my career. I can go back to work part time and keep it as a hobby for all I care”.

“I won’t let you do that”.

“I told you I don’t care about it,” his voice turned stern. “Why do you?”

“Because I don’t want to be the reason your life is sabotaged”.

“My life is being sabotaged right now and it’s got nothing to do with my art”.

That had you furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“This, right now” he pointed to you and back at him. “I want to be with you, Y/N. But you’re not letting me, you’re making all the decisions for me”.

“I’m not making any decisions for you”.

“Yes, you are” he threw his head back in exasperation. “You’re choosing my career over you right now and I’m not even getting a say on it. It’s supposed to be my decision and I’d choose you in a heartbeat”.

“Taehyung…”

“Just stay here” he pleaded in a small whisper, his forehead faintly resting on yours. “With me”.

You bit your bottom lip, in a poor attempt at stopping it from trembling as your eyes welled up with tears. “I can’t…” you managed to whisper. “I can’t risk it. Even if I did stay, you would end up hating me for having ruined for you what you love the most”.

“I love you the most”.

You shook your head no. Your heart hurt more with every passing second. “It’s only going to be a couple of days. We won’t be there for longer than a week, an—”

“I don’t care how long it’s going to be,” he once again withdrew from your touch. “I don’t want you to go”.

“Taehyung, they have contacts in every single art gallery in the country” you pointed out, letting him know what he would be facing.

“I don’t care” he repeated, growing more frustrated by the second. “I’ve been very understanding when it comes to keeping our relationship a secret and you going out with Sungjin and acting like a couple all the time we’ve been dating, but I am not letting you go on a romantic trip with him”.

“It’s not a romantic trip”.

“No, you’re right. It’s a family trip” his words sounded venomous. “Do you know how much more that hurts? You’re supposed to be my family, not his”.

“I am!” you cupped his face, pulling him close enough for your forehead to rest on his. “I am your family, handsome. I’m never going to be his. But it’s just this once,” your thumbs softly caressed his cheeks. “Just this once, and then the last month will be gone and I won’t ever have to go out with him and act like a couple again”.

Taehyung shook his head, defeatedly closing his eyes. “It won’t end there,” he sighed. “You know that, right? After the trip there will be a family dinner, then maybe another gala, then a proposal, th—”

“No” you cut him off. “No, that won’t happen. I won’t let it happen”.

“They threatened us with my career, Y/N. They won’t let that card go” he reminded you. “And although I don’t care about it, you seem to do”.

“I just can’t bear to be the reason your dream goes to waste. I know my parents” you tried to explain. “This one month left will be over soon…”

“Why not stop everything now then?”

“They won’t let me. The deal was one year, they won’t let me give the remaining month up, don’t you think I’ve tried already?” your voice broke. “If I had known I would fall for you three months in, I wouldn’t have agreed to one year”.

He sighed, feeling his own eyes well up with tears, yet doing his best to stop them from falling. “I don’t want you to go…”

“I promise it will be just for a few days”.

“Just a few days are enough for you to change your mind”.

You froze at his words, a part of you understanding what he meant, yet not wanting to believe it. “What?”

Taehyung bit the inside of his cheek. He had said it out of spite, out of hurt, but it was done, and now you were waiting for an answer. So, he gave you one.

“I saw how happy you looked tonight. The way you would talk with those girls you’ve always said are not your friends. The way you would lock your arm with Sungjin’s and smile next to him all night long”.

“There are cameras everywhere, I was acting”.

“Didn’t look like acting” he mumbled.

You sighed, fixing your hair as you tried to come up with the right words. “I admit I did enjoy myself every now and then, but that doesn’t mean I want to stay here”.

“Try saying that after multiple nights having caviar and champagne for dinner”.

“You’re being unfair”.

“I am being unfair?” he scoffed. “I’m not the one going on a trip with the person I could end up marrying”.

“I won’t end up marrying him!” you repeated what you had been saying for over a year now. “I love you, not him. I won’t leave you and I will not marry him. You just… don’t trust me at all, do you?”

“Don’t try to turn the tables” he warned you.

“No, I know I hurt you and I know I’m in the wrong, and that you have all the right to be mad at me right now. But you should know better than to believe I will just drop what we have over a fancy life”.

“Well, it’s been nearly a year and you still haven’t let this double life of yours go. Plus, you didn’t move out because you hated this lifestyle, but because you didn’t want an arranged marriage, so…”

“So that’s what you think? That I will fall right back for this lifestyle’s charms and end up leaving you?” you tried to look for his eyes, only to have him stare intently to the wall on the side. “Do you think I changed from the way I was when we first met at all?”

He shrugged, and it was the fact that he stayed silent for a few seconds, actually considering his answer, what hurt you the most. “They’re your parents after all. Your family… or at least your biological one. You still love them no matter how bad they treat you, and I guess I get it. You just don’t seem ready to let them go”.

“I just told my parents that I love you and am staying with you” you pushed it.

“Words mean nothing when you’re showing the exact opposite” his words felt like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown at you. “If you wanted to stay with me like you say, we wouldn’t be having this argument right now”.

“It’s not that simple, you know that” you whispered.

He shrugged, saying nothing else as his eyes remained fixed anywhere else but in yours.

“I don’t see this conversation going anywhere anymore” you managed to quietly say, when you could no longer take the overwhelming silence that had taken over the room.

“On that we agree” he stated, taking another step back. “I’ll head back home”.

“I’ll be there once we’re done here”.

Taehyung nodded, reaching for the door and stopping once his hand was on the knob. He took a deep breath. “I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight”.

Your chest tightened, finding it hard to both breathe and speak, but you managed to do so nevertheless. “What’s the point of me going back home then?”

“Don’t you have clothes to pack?” his head turned to you.

You shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “I can manage with what I have here”.

“Right. You can manage” his jaw tensed, the same way his hand tensed around the doorknob. “Stay here then”.

And without another word, he left.

#bts #bts imagines #taehyung imagines #kim taehyung #bts fluff #taehyung fluff #kpop #kpop fanfic #bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios #bts fake texts #taehyung fake texts #bts social media au #taehyung social media au #bts x reader #kim taehyung x reader #bts taehyung #taehyung

[walkuntilthedaylight]

The people have spoken! How can I not give them what they want?

I'm gonna put this all under a cut, since it's a bit long, and also because it's highly interpretative/speculative and not everyone likes those kinds of posts as they can be rather subjective and, I suppose, invasive. I want to give two major caveats to my thoughts below: first is that I tend not to buy the idea that Paul was the "stable/normal" Beatle, mostly b/c I view marijuana dependency and workaholism as addictions and I take them pretty seriously. Second is that I really do love this kind of tabloid/gossip/personal account shit; I think it should be taken with a handful of salt, but I don't think it should be entirely dismissed out of hand either. I read this stuff like I'm piling up sheets of stained glass: I'm intrigued by the places where the colours blend and overlap, and ignore things that fall outside the prism. Anyway, let's dig in:

Okay, so what I found fascinating about 'Body Count' is that it's one of the only sources which observes Paul McCartney's mental health during the period between the India trip and when the band breakup really got rolling. I think it's overall a fairly self-absorbed text that definitely has some lies and exaggerations peppered in there to make things spicier and more dramatic, but its broad characterization - as I mentioned in my first post - isn't exactly libelous or out of left field. Some elements that make me think it's generally if not wholly authentic are: Paul's simultaneously forceful and dorky seduction style, his terrible Liverpool diet and poor housekeeping, the bouts of thrill-seeking recklessness, avoidant adventure crafting, dark moods when drinking non-socially, the occasional hot and cold bouts with the Apple Scuffs camped out at his gate, and the way in which he underplays his drug habit, which is SO "in truthfulness we spent most of the filming of Help! slightly stoned":

These details are so bizarrely specific and have significant overlap with both sympathetic and spurned personal accounts of Paul I've read in the past, so I believe Francie is just telling "Her Version Of The Truth" here rather than crafting a piece of pure fiction. The most important and revealing anecdote in the book is this one.

There's no reason not to believe this is a fairly accurate representation of something that actually happened, imo, since we know that anxious purse strings were an ongoing issue in the unusual turnover rate within the band Wings, and there are plenty of confirmed and rumoured cases alike of extended family members feeling entitled to a "piece of the pie"; this is just like, the kind of thing that happens to working class people who get catapulted into fame and fortune. And Paul in particular already had deep-seated financial anxiety for whatever reasons he'll never fully admit (as is his right, but I think his offhand claim that he "once heard some adults arguing about money and that's why" might actually be alluding to having heard some adults - y'know, like his parents - arguing over money fairly frequently). What esp interests me about the anecdote is the way Paul seems to connect the conflict b/t his dual "identities" with these financial expectations. Perhaps the CAPSLOCK emotional hysteria related in the book is puffed up for drama, but it does bring to mind one of the most revealing comments Linda ever made about their relationship, which is that Paul needed to be told he would still be loved when the cameras weren't rolling. And that's the thing: Francie caught Paul at the exact moment that the pillars of his Smile-For-The-Camera "Beatle" identity were collapsing; the dissolution of his relationships with John and Jane.

Whatever all this could possibly mean re: the breakup of the Lennon-McCartney partnership is a post for another time. What I wanna do instead is apply the level of speculation we usually reserve for that relationship to the endpoint of Paul and Jane's courtship.

So like, Paul and Jane: I know people are resistant to this specific POV, but I honestly just don't... think it was that deep? "Not deep", mind you, doesn't mean "not significant". Paul was obviously Jane's first love (u never forget), but the feeling I get from Paul's side (as a subconscious process I mean) is that Jane's importance was primarily as a lynchpin in his London Socialite persona. He loved her family, he loved the friend group, the artistic scene dating her gave him access to, as well as the leg up he got in the class system, etc. He liked to be the kind of guy who was dating Jane Asher. But I don't know that he was the guy who was dating Jane Asher, you get me? When people describe their "great love" they accidentally tell on them (Cynthia innocently describing Paul as being pleased to have her on his arm like a trophy; John: "it was an ordinary love scene"; Alistair Taylor noting that Paul was humiliated by the breakup). Paul's a serial monogamist who U-Hauls like a lesbian, of course, so he definitely took the relationship VERY seriously, but it's telling that all of his love songs to her were either about hitting a brick wall in arguments (certainly not dreamy, fond, yearning of "sunday morning fights about saturday night"; and occasionally expressing hints of class tension too), or completely non-descript Guy With A Guitar Trying To Get Laid shit. I could extrapolate a lot about Linda just from listening to McCartney I/RAM and the Wings discography, but 'And I Love Her' doesn't tell me a single thing about Jane besides that she's pretty. It could be about literally anyone the same way 'My Love' or 'Maybe I'm Amazed' could only be about his dynamic with Linda. Some of this is obviously the natural result of getting older and gaining emotional maturity; what I'm saying is that Paul's behaviour and self-expression in this relationship does not suggest to me that it was one in which his emotional maturity was able to develop or flourish.

I want to stress again that I don't think this belittles the significance of the relationship or makes it "bad" or "fake". Like, sometimes hot people just date for a while in their teens and twenties and love each other without necessarily unlocking their inner emotional cores, usually because they don't know how to. It's, like, fine. You need to experience relationships like that as stepping stones. I simply believe that this sort of front-facing social importance being prime in the romance is a major factor in why it ultimately didn't work (and probably in Linda's reported lingering jealousy of Jane, who wasn't just an ex, but also a symbol of the life Paul ditched to build a new identity w/ her, and sometimes still pined for). With Jane, Paul was dating the "right" kind of girl (didn't put out on the first date, erudite and middle class, as serious about her career as he was, a good "celebrity" match), but the relationship often wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. Francie's observation is that by 1968 it also wasn't doing what he needed it to do either. This is the overwhelming "mood" in her affair with Paul McCartney: that he needed something very badly from a romantic partner that he just was NOT getting, and Francie couldn't figure out what it was either:

(note that she means "queer" as in "mad", not "gay")

This was an EXTREMELY roundabout way of asking: well, what WAS it that Paul needed a relationship to do for him? And I think this is Francie's big, accidental insight. The most scandalous claim in 'Body Count' is that Paul told Francie that he hit Jane and it "turned her on".

I personally think this is p. absurd absent any real proof to back it up, but like, what is Francie actually saying HE'S saying here? If she's exaggerating or lying, she's trying to make it believable within the psychological parameters laid out, right? It's not an expression of some secret desire to dominate women she's accusing him of, but emotional disturbance and confusion at the idea that the woman he was with might like that sort of forceful, masculine violence more than his softer, feminine side, which he was - yeah, we all know it - deeply insecure about.

Regardless of whether specific details are true or false (and I think there's both in this story, all hyper-magnified to make it, y'know, a ~STORY~), I think what might be true is the emotional undertow of the retelling, that this all taken together is actually representative of the side of Paul McCartney she was exposed to, at a time when his public and private facades had both become unbearable to the point of cracking and the drug-fueled optimism of the Summer of Love was getting scrubbed off of everyone and everything. It's the Paul McCartney who eviscerated frogs because he was worried he was too "soft" for compulsory military service. The Paul who modelled his masculine teen behaviour off John Lennon's fake "Marlon Brando" swagger, but was actually more fond of the velvet "Oscar Wilde" interior.

What's SO FASCINATING about all this to me, is I deeply believe that one of the key factors in what makes The Beatles music so unique and compelling is that both the songwriters experienced psychological strain from the tension b/t their parochial socially-defensive "masculine" pride, and their sensitive "feminine" core, the latter of which they were able to express in the unburdened emotionality of their music. The reason I care about doing these totally unhinged psych analyses is because I do think it reveals something about the underpinnings of the music, as well as the reasons why the band was such a hysteria-inducing phenomenon (the rise of psychology, imo, is almost as important as the rise of industrialization as a defining factor of the modern and postmodern eras; mass psychology can be understood and wielded in precise ways, and The Beatles were one of the first empires built on that). The subconscious drives caused by this tension have been ENDLESSLY picked apart re: John's psyche, but Paul's "mirrored" issues are very under-discussed (mostly b/c he's still alive so people are a little more leery about putting him on the "couch" as a historical figure). 'Body Count', intentionally or not, painted a portrait to me of someone who was drowning in their own ill-fitting celebrity "suit", collapsing under the weight of "Being" "Paul McCartney". A guy who desperately needed some sort of space to be vulnerable without feeling emasculated for doing it. By 1968, there was no one in his life anymore - and maybe there hadn't been for a while, or ever - who was giving him this space.

In other words: the thing he needed to avoid going "stark raving queer and killing himself" was simply someone who would love him 'after the ball'.

EDIT: read the comments for further clarification and discussion! ;)

#/ #// #/// #//// #///// #the beatles #mccharmley #analysis #long post #Talking About Paul The Way I Talk About John lmfao #Taking Tabloid Bullshit Seriously #(if not literally) #*gets out my fake spectacles and jumps into the psychiatry armchair* #idk if i laid out my thoughts v well here but i hope it satisfied all the people who asked #i also tried to warn what genre of post it was for those who hate this kinda thing lol #i feel like i have more to say re: how toxic 'The Beatle' facade got for all of them by this point #and paul and john's mirrored post-india breakdowns #but francie's perspective is specifically on how it felt to be the girl he used to divebomb his relationship with jane asher SO

[tomatograter]

New to the fandom, Could you explain June? 💯 Love and support her. But homestuck 2 doesn't have her and I'm just confused?

June Egbert precedes the concept of homestuck^2! I’ve seen a lot of people be confused about this because they weren’t active on the fandom at the time the epilogues dropped, when reading her as a trans woman got a lot of discussion going and eventually lead to multiple confirmations.

So here’s an attempt at contextualization:

Throughout Homestuck, a few key ideas about Egbert’s identity and motivation to push forward with her hero’s journey are dropped like breadcrumbs. She’s meant to play the default straight-man protagonist. Her defining traits are ridiculously… generic, when compared to how all the other kids present themselves and stick to exaggerated bits. She’s a perfectly normal, regular suburban kid with normal, suburban issues. 

She may not leave her room a whole lot. She may not have a lot of real life friends in the neighborhood. She holds a comical irritation for the concept of birthdays, even though her father is extremely supportive, and is delighted to see his son grow up nice and healthy. There’s no reason for her to be so irrationally upset at cakes and gifts, and that’s what makes the setup funny! June doesn’t even know why she’s annoyed with half of the things that annoy her, what the heck.

But under all that playing around there is a sense that her life is so normal, so blasé, so unexciting and limiting and hollow and fake that she’d give anything to not be herself, even if only for ten minutes. This goes way, way back. It’s why June needs SBURB to happen.

June lives as though her life hasn’t started yet. She’s stuck in the Tutorial stage. I would argue while most kids (and trolls) play SBURB to escape a shitty environment or the end of the world as they know it, June plays for a simpler reason: She needs to escape herself, and she needs to do it before it is too late. 

Being thirteen means crossing the homeric abyss between being a child with no care for the world sporting a generic hand-me-down identity and becoming a Teen (capital T) who needs to figure out how to cope with atrocious bodily changes while building the adult they’re meant to be AND deciding what the fuck they want out of life, and how they’re going to work to get it, forever and ever.

When you’re trans, and you don’t yet know you’re trans (or that this is a thing you’re even ALLOWED to be) the above feels a lot like serving a life sentence for an intangible crime.

You know what you’re supposed to do. You’ve seen it on tv, you’ve heard it from your dad, you know what are the normal trials and tribulations. You know you'll grow a few pimples and stubble and you'll need to learn how to shave, obviously, because it's basically a tradition in your family, and no one is really happy to be a teen. You know at some point you'll find a nice girl and you'll grow a hat out of your skull and then you will have to pay taxes and maybe you will have a baby daughter? You'd like it to be a daughter for no particular reason. And when you get a daughter you're going to name her Casey and she's going to be adorable and this is something you've dedicated a lot of thought to. Maybe its because you thought Nic Cage looked really cool with those long flowing locks in con air, the movie who featured a trans woman as a minor character for a few minutes (and she gets quite a bit of compliments, regardless of how the movie has aged), and he had a really exciting life, but goddamn did he love his daughter. There is no purer love than the bond between a father and his daughter. 

This absolutely has nothing to do with your father and you, or how you hold no excitement for becoming an adult man, or how your father's excitement for you becoming an adult man in your stead feels a little stifling.

But i digress.

June spends her time on SBURB mostly hassling karkat, and readily following the instructions of zany, dangerous, COOL girls that seem to know what they're doing. June lets Terezi lead her to certain death without blinking. June lets Vriska dress her up as soon as opportunity presents itself. June thinks its really funny to trick this troll Who Types Really Oddly into believing she's Rose, and also into believing that she's a very silly girl. You may even say Homestuck employs a few of jokes pertaining to how her name looks like EGG !

June has a ball playing this game until it starts to get shitty. She's never able to mend her relationship with her dad, as he's one of the first causalities. She has to spend a lot of time waiting around with jade on a ship until things get cool and exciting again, but she never stops growing during those three years. Its fine, though, because there's always more things to be done and more people to fight.

Until there aren't, and they make a new earth, and while everyone cheers and claps for the birth of a new planet June realizes all her excuses are over. Her friends begin to grow up. Rose gets married. Jade is living her best life. Dave has a not-boyfriend glued to his hip. Jane has a job. Jake is on TV for some reason. June doesn't want to leave home. June's birthday is around the corner again. Here come all the congratulations for becoming a strong lad for yet another year! Vriska is gone. Terezi is gone. SBURB is over. Wacky hijinks have been swapped for real-ass, boring-ass Regular life. We watch her unsuccessfully chase after the glory of days gone by when Rose presents her the possibility of going back into the game, when things were cool and mattered, or her flimsy decision to settle down with a nice girl she hasn’t really made an effort to know and become a father and be absolutely miserable for four decades as she asserts nothing is real, not anymore, and this is just how it is.

Depersonalization, depression and general apathy towards the world are all pronounced aspects of dysphoria that seem like unrelated incidents for someone who hasn't came out yet. June's trainwreck of a life post-game, specially her feeling of hollowness and chasing after anything that could fill it struck a chord with trans readers who left the epilogues to read HS again and discovered this has always sort of been here. June being a trans woman who doesn't have the proper vocabulary to express she is a trans woman makes a lot of earlier bits from the comic click into place, now in a broader context. We settled in the name "June" because it's what she imagines Vriska is calling her at some point, amid laughs, but even that was discussed for a lengthy period last year. What would she want to be called, what are possible tags for this, etc. But it was mostly for fun and games, because the prospect of the protagonist of a 10 year old beloved cult series being ACTUALLY confirmed as a trans woman just wasn't something that was done.

Until word got around to Andrew Hussie and he was reportedly so pleased with this interpretation of events he’d be making references to it, and some time later, a box of toblerones was left in a cave as a gift for fans to find. The first person to find a toblerone thought it would be funny to dedicate it to June, because now she was an ongoing reference that was fun to make. Instead of it ending there, Hussie logs on twitter for the first time in a long while to say 'Oh yeah, i'll make it happen' and that's when the whole thing exploded. I have a post detailing this made a year ago (with pictures!) so i won't keep you here.

In the year since, June has been vaguely alluded to in Pesterquest (in jade's end card, she's having her nails painted by rose.) Has been widely adopted by the community, those making their own fanventures and continuations, and the team behind Homestuck^2. In every way that matters, she's already thriving within the community that brought her to light a year ago. But her coming out in canon is something that will take time and a proper narrative arc to happen, one that is still being set up. We know it'll come eventually, the only question is “how”.

Not that the wind waits for anyone.

#meta #june egbert #homestuck #homestuck 2

[sslow-dancer]

hi! can i request a one shot with polnareff x reader but he’s still stuck as the turtle but a twist like the princess and the frog? the reader kisses the turtle and he comes back to being his old (part 3) self because the reader is the one? lots of fluff plzzz? ty ;w;

A/N: Okay but this idea is so unbelievably cute?! I apologize for taking forever to get it done. I went a bit deep and overboard with the storyline on a request that is so simple and I’m pretty sure this is my longest one up to date actually BUT- it’s whatever. There’s plenty of fluff near the end, I promise. I enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it too!! 🤍

(If this flops, I will be so sad omg)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re The One, My Love.” (Jean Pierre Polnareff x Reader)

Warnings: mentions of drug abuse and depression

tags: gender-neutral, gender-inclusive, jean pierre polnareff x reader, turtle pol, magical, kiss, twist, slight angst, sfw, fluff

Description: One day after having to escort Polnareff as orders from your boss, you begin to grow quite fond of him. During your usual hangouts, you jokingly offer to kiss him as a way to recreate one of your favorite fairytales.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You giggle as Jean pulls you into a kiss, you feel him smile as he holds your face gently. You’re happy to see the man you love not be as serious and hurt as he was when you first met him. Your expression reminiscent of the memories shared between you before this moment.

~A Year Before~

Your personal servant had drawn the curtains. Your eyes fluttered open, body awaken by the bright sunlight shining from your windows and murmurs outside your bedroom. You groaned in frustration as you threw a pillow at him, he managed to catch it and place it back by your bed frame. You huffed,

“Didn’t boss say I have the week off? I’m allowed to sleep in.” you stated blankly, remembering how you had the strong urge to strangle him for ruining your slumber. He shook his head as he sat by the edge of your bed and pointed at the clock that stood on top of your nightstand. You distinctly remember the screen marked 7:25AM exactly. You sighed as you thought you could’ve at least slept in by 10. You sat up and criss crossed your legs and played with the lose strings of your blanket as he replied.

“Technically you do, but today is last minute and different. Sr. Giovanna wants you to escort out a close individual he works with today by 8.”

Frustrated, you plopped your hands down onto your lap and rolled your eyes as you said back,

“Not to be bratty but...can’t he just do that himself or get one of you to do it?” you raised your pointers and middle fingers to create air quotations “This individual must be pretty important if not even the boss can take care of it.”

Your servant shut his eyes and sighed. After what you had just told him, deep down you felt bad about how much he had to deal with your bull on a daily basis- not to mention your constant grumbling in the morning whether he woke you or not. Either way, you were pretty grumpy most mornings. He shook his head again.

“It’s not that either. Sr. Giovanna could easily lead him out but he’s currently finishing business with other people in the country. Sr. Mista is with him as well so you’re the only one we have present. They both must attend all meetings, they are not to miss one.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t answer my question. What’s so important about him or her or whatever the hell they go by?”

“I’ll let you figure that out for yourself.” He said finally as he patted your bed as a way to non-verbally tell you to get ready.

You huffed when he exited the room, plopping your back down hard into the foamy mattress. You roughly grabbed at the pillow you had thrown earlier and placed it over your face, you screamed into it for a good 10 seconds.

Looking back, were you being a little too dramatic? Yes, sure- of course. It’d make anyone cringe if they were to had witnessed it though you didn’t really mind. You were still maturing anyway. You were still getting used to the life Giorno Giovanna and Guido Mista had offered and gladly given to you.

Before meeting your boss Giovanna and his right hand man Mista, you had been living life miserably at home. Though before anyone asks, no: your parents were not abusive, no: your siblings weren’t either, no: nor were your friends or teachers. You had just become very distressed with the life you were leading on. You didn’t like the person you were and were expected to become. Anxiety took over rather unexpectedly. So what did you do when you had enough? You moved on to drugs.

You were surprised to find out how easy it was for a person in their late teens to gain access towards those terrible substances. But none the less, you later learned your dealer was from the mafia known as “Passione.”

Was it dangerous for you to have figured out that information? Yes. However, you remained cautious and never told a soul...until one day you bumped into the now late capo, Bruno Bucciarati.

You were walking down your local dealing alleyway, hands in pockets and school bag still in sight. You usually dealt after school as many adults were distracted by the kids that filled up the streets. Thus making them barely notice the illegal activity going on as a large number of students would walk down alleyways as a shortcut to their home. You were swift in paying back and receiving your desired substances anyway.

All of a sudden you heard a distant call, a call out of your name. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around to look at the direction from where the call was coming from, that’s when you saw him. He stood a few feet from you.

“I’m glad I was able to find you...my name is Bruno Bucciarati. Your parents sent me to look for you, they’ve mentioned to me that you’ve been coming home late from school lately.”

You only shrugged and completely ignored his claim. You began walking away but were stopped again when he said,

“Leaky eyed Luca deals with you, doesn’t he?”

You kept your gaze forward and your back turned away from Bruno. Turning your head slightly over your shoulder, you mumbled,

“If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

Without having to look at him, you knew he had tilted his head when he answered.

“That depends. If you answer honestly, no trouble will occur. I’ll remain calm with you, that is a promise.”

You blinked, sighing as you kicked at the small pebbles near your feet, staring at your shoes as you thought about what he said.

You had been dealing with Luca and you knew that his business was risky. Though you didn’t care. You felt that you needed to get the drugs you wanted pronto and Luca was the only one who would give them to you quickly. You shook your head, deciding to give up as you didn’t want anyone to notice you both speaking. You turned to face him and quietly replied,

“Yes, he deals with me. He’s the provider, I’m the receiver.”

Bruno smiled, satisfied with your answer.

He followed up with informing you that Luca had been killed at a local airport and was told to investigate his death. He didn’t provide too many details as to the cause of his death but you didn’t feel like asking anyway. Bruno admitted he came to speak to you as hours prior one of your parents really did come to speak to him about your behavior. After connecting some dots, he suspected you had something to do with Luca’s death as you were not attending school and were gone for most of the day. Not to mention, your teachers had called your parents that day as well.

Luckily, he was able to clear you out as a suspect as you cooperated with him and weren’t sweaty or completely jittery. He also gave you a little talk about using drugs. He promised he wouldn’t tell your parents that you got yourself involved in that abusive life if you promised to not buy more again.

You truly felt at the time that he was the only one who understood and cared for you in just the short time you met him. Your eyes watered as you complied with Bruno, promising to do what he suggested. A promise you have held onto forever.

After some investigating of your own, you found out that it was your future boss that killed Luca. You were rather impressed than angry that he was able to kill him. You honestly believed Luca would never be caught.

Back to the day you had to escort this individual- after some more complaining and grumpy remarks towards everyone in the household, you were finally ready to meet them. Your personal servant led you to the front door. He made sure to quietly remind you to be polite.

Your attention turned to another servant walking down the stairs towards your direction. A pillow in hand with a piece of cloth covering whatever was on top it. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, laughing as you sarcastically remarked,

“Is this some kind of joke? It’s not April, is it?”

“No, but I guess this household treating me with the upmost respect is.”

Your eyes widen. ‘Did that thing under the cloth just speak?” you asked yourself.

The servant removed the cloth and there revealed a turtle. A turtle with a key-shaped hole embedded on its shell. You almost assumed that the turtle smirked at you when he added,

“I know, don’t be too surprised. I plan to get out of this animal once my soul decides to give up. I haven’t always looked like this, ya know.”

Your mouth gaped open as to say something, but you quickly shut it as you didn’t know how to reply. He chuckled,

“Hand me over to them, we’ll talk more when we get to my destination.”

You hesitantly took the pillow from the servant’s hands and remained in shock as you walked out the door. You were careful not to drop him as you got down to the front gates. Gulping as you asked,

“So...my servant wasn’t that specific on me having to leave you in the car or actually riding with you. It’s kind of my fault as I don’t like to listen and talk in the morning...”

You nervously laughed as he looked up to you. He replied,

“It’s quite alright. I was told you have to ride with me. But don’t worry, you won’t have to stay for long. It’s only around a 10 minute ride.”

“Yeah, okay.”

You sat behind the passenger seat and placed the pillow in the middle, right next to your side.

The ride was relatively quiet, you looked out the window as you kept a fist under your chin. Your expression showed that of concern. You were too nervous to say anything. Even though he had joked back earlier, you were afraid he didn’t like you as his voice stayed stern throughout your small talk. You were afraid you had offended him in some way.

Your mood changed when the driver alerted that you had arrived. You thanked him as he opened the door for you, your hands grasped the pillow tightly so the talking turtle wouldn’t fall. You asked him with a small voice.

“Is there anywhere you’d like for me to set you?”

“Yes... put me on top of that balcony over there. I want to look at the lake.”

“Of course.”

You did as he said and sat him on the balcony. Your eyes gleamed when you caught sight of the glimmering water and greenery of the setting. You’ve always known that Italy is one of the most beautiful places in the world but at that time you had forgotten and were fascinated all over again. Like when a child sees a playground for the first time.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, you nodded.

“Yes, it really is. It’s no wonder you asked me set you on here.”

“Yes... I wanted to look at one more beautiful sight before I go. Like I said earlier, my soul is no longer fit to be here, so I might as well admire my surroundings for now.”

Your mind quickly became curious after he said that. You wanted to know more behind what he meant. You weren’t going back to that car until you got answers. So to make things easy, you started off with asking his name.

“If you don’t mind... would you like to tell me your name?”

“It’s Jean. Jean Pierre Polnareff.”

‘So he’s French.’ you remember thinking, his accent wasn’t too thick but you assumed and your assumption was right. After that, you went on to tell him your name and your experiences before meeting boss Giorno Giovanna. He shared the same with you.

You talked for so long in fact that you paid off the driver of your assigned car to go back and finish his shift early, promising them that you’ll find a ride later yourself.

You ended off the chatty night with placing Jean under a nearby bench and waving at him. You were saddened but Jean said he enjoyed your company so much that he’ll try to stay for longer and that you’re welcome to come him visit him everyday.

And so you did.

For months you came by to talk to him. You were happy to see that his soul wasn’t giving up yet- you knew you would cry if it were to one day. You had come to realize that you love him but you didn’t know if he felt the same way about you. You had only seen his face once- that was the day he decided to show you the physical embodiment of his soul.

You thought (and still think) he was so beautiful. The missing of bottom limbs and blindness in one eye did not bother you at all. His white-silver hair, style and personality is what did it for you. What it did to make you fall in love with his vanity and him. Just him. Jean himself.

~A Year Later~

It’s been a year now and as per usual, you spent half your days speaking to Jean by that same lake you were ordered to drive him to.

Boss Giovanna and Mista have noticed how fast you are in missions since then. They appreciate that you get things done but they still remain curious as to why you’re more happy and less grumpy than you were before. Though they don’t bother to ask, as they’re kind and don’t want to ruin your pure joy.

Today isn’t particularly different. All you had done earlier in the day was speak to a few citizens in town and dealt with giving details to your boss about a certain drug epidemic at a school. Nothing too out of the ordinary, a situation like this occurred at your old school too years back. Your duties were basically done once you learned information got to police.

You drive down to the park where the lake is at, smiling when you see a familiar small green circle on the balcony, looking over the glimmering waters. You park in the nearest lot and lock your car after getting out. You excitedly run over to Jean and smile when he turns his little head to greet you.

“I’m glad you’ve come again.” he says with a smile.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” you reply in a genuine tone.

You go on to talk about random topics and subjects as you always do. The conversation moving onto favorite pieces of literature and genres.

You roll your eyes in embarrassment as you tell him your most favorite one- one that is a fairytale and goes by the name of “The Frog Prince.”

“Well... it’s very fem of me but I really enjoy fairytales. Especially the ones from the Grimm brothers. My favorite is actually “The Frog Prince”

You place your elbow on the rail and use a hand to cover your burning cheek. Hoping that the redness rushing to your face won’t be noticed by Jean and that the sunset covers it up. Jean only laughs and hopes to comfort you when he says,

“Oh, that’s fine. Who cares if it’s feminine? They’re very well written stories and people shouldn’t be ashamed for what they like. I admire that your favorite genre is fairytale, you don’t hear people say that as often, you know?”

His words do comfort you and you thank him for that. He welcomes you and you feel like you’re actually looking into his sapphire eyes. The ones you fell in love with so long ago. You speak up before you’re even able to fully think.

“Say, the frog prince and the princess kissing, huh? Why don’t we kiss and see if it turns you back?”

Shit.

‘Did I really just ask that?’ you ask yourself ‘What the actual hell is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t see why not...”

“Huh?”

You’re stunned. You thought he would get offended for spurting out such a stupid thing. Of course your request won’t work- that shit is from a story book. It’s pure fiction. This is real life.

He’s a turtle now and you’re a human. You can’t and you won’t kiss him. You raise your hands up in defense.

“Hey, no! No need to play along after saying something so stupid to make me feel better. I just blurted that out I’m so sorry-“

“No, it’s okay. And I’m not playing along, I’m being serious. Go ahead. I’ve grown to like you a lot, a small kiss wouldn’t hurt.”

This answer is not what you expected. You nervously fiddle with your fingers as you look around. You sigh as you give in.

“Fine. I like you a lot too and I’ll do it. Let me just-“

You lift up the top half of Jean, his front turtle legs up in the air and his little face staring up at you. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, you slowly lean in and- kiss✨

The turtle falls out of your grasp. You stop puckering your lips and open your eyes. In a panicked state, you frantically look over the balcony and both sides of you to find him. You look forward and gasp. You grab at the railings to hold you steady.

There sits a groaning man on his knees. He rubs at his neck as he silently curses to himself, blinking fast and harshly as he tries to understand what’s going on around him. It’s dark now but the moon shines bright enough for you to get a better glimpse of him. You furrow your eyebrows as you slowly recognize who he is- Jean.

He has that same white-silver hair, sapphire eyes, big stature though the only difference is no eye glass in sight and his “legs” aren’t made out of metal.. they’re completely real. Flesh and all and you know that blood flows right through them like the rest of his body.

“J-Jean?” you whisper.

The man doesn’t hear you. All he does is groan and cross his legs in front of him. He stretches his arms and looks over any possible injuries on him.

“Jean.” you say again, louder this time.

He finally looks up at you. And there they are, those sapphire eyes you love so much. That face you’ve grown to be so fond off. His expression more than surprised. Though that expression quickly changes and softens- his eyes crease and a small smile appears. He says your name. And you tear up after he does.

He attempts to get up but his legs give up on him. You sprint to his side before he falls, letting him use your shoulders as support. He blushes.

“I’m sorry... I haven’t had real legs in years. Apparently I forgot how to use them...”

His voice is softer than before, the sternness isn’t there. He sounds younger almost. You giggle, as you use a hand to wipe at the tears of your eyes.

“Okay, I think I can stand now. Let go of me so I can look at you fully.”

You do as he says and as you watch him wobble, you reach out to help again but he shakes his head, waving your hands off as he’s able to maintain balance. You grin proudly when he does.

Jean turns to face you, he clasps your hands together and brings them up to his lips. You blush as he proceeds to hold them over his heart. He looks at you with pure love in his eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. What you suggested was silly but it worked.”

“Yes, you’re welcome...” you say softly, looking down. He makes you look up again.

“You’re the one, my love. You always have been and always will be. My feelings for you started when we first met, I meant what I said. I have grown to like you a lot though it’s more than “like”- it’s love. And I’m so happy to know you feel the same way.”

You tear up at this and hug him. He hugs you back and you can’t believe that he does.

The turtle is no more and you have your true love back to human form.

He raises your chin up with his thumb and pointer, he kisses you and you kiss him back. The kiss long and meaningful.

You’re happy to know that the man you love, loves you too.

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