#it made me uncomfortable but i havent seen anyone discuss it
Text
Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week
Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it
Chapter 44
Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time
Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this
I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too
yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??
and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out
Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years
Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much
I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women
Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything
god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other
Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)
So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess
Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals
Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court
So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma
Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me
Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra
Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh
Chapter 45:
Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet
Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter
"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"
Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged
Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children
God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever
I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole
Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better
Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers
Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"
"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting
Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make
Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does
Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough
Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss
I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date
31 notes
·
View notes
Note
(TW: discussion of kink)
Man that was uh...wtf was that anon.
I think when it comes down to the bottom line regardless of how anyone feels about what your saying (I agree with you) you allowed to say your opinion.
I'm a firm believer of 'dont like don't read' and that you shouldn't comment negatively on someones work unless they ask for it. For fanfiction online is supposed to be simply shared. You haven't tagged (from what I've seen) anything in any of the x reader tags, you haven't gone on to other people's posts and complained, you havent blazed anything, you haven't named/shamed any blogs by name. None of what your saying is truly oppressive or bigotry. You have simply vented in the safety of your own posts. For someone to get mad about that? They have no real right. It's not fair. It's so entitled, if you can't vent here then where can you?
In terms of your argument, as someone who is more into kinks, even enjoying the odd CNC piece, I believe your totally right in what you say and the way your feeling is so reasonable.
The COD fandom wouldn't last a day in the real world. What fustrates me with all this fanficiton is not only is it out of character but everything's written and encouraging bad BDSM behaviour. Like NO ONE does BDSM like this.
There's no discussion of boundaries, theres no aftercare description, there's no love and care in these fics. BDSM is supposed to be a performance, it's ultimately light hearted and supposed to be enjoyable to both parties. It's playing around with your partner because that's what sex is supposed to be, fun.
The shit these people right is so obviously not right. It's directly the shit you see in high production porn, something that is always made to look good. Not to feel good. This stuff is all just normalised toxic and unhealthy relationships. What concerns me is with the forever younger generations, if this is the normality then what will they be like in an actual relationship? It effects their every day interactions too! Blatenly calling people daddy / mommy in mid day- that whole 'mommy- sorry- mommy- sorry...' tiktok trend is a perfect example of it. That shits embarrassing! It's uncomfortable and removes the whole part of 'concent' in the entirety of kink.
Forgive me that I go a little off topic but I firmly believe that this behaviour is part of a bigger picture. It shows the fandom interactions that dictate day to day life. The way that people talk to the actors, interact with the actors and voice actors in the game shows how fucked up this all is. There's no line between fan and artist. When it came to fanfiction in history there's always been that line. The shame, fear even, that always kept fandom seperate. Sure sometimes people would say what pairing or sexuality to the creator but nothing like we have today. For them to literally have to turn off chat because of what people are saying in a live stream is terrible! And I think it is directly linked to how normal and casual people online have become about these sort of things.
In terms of wanting to be degraded and CNC the entire thing is supposed to fantasy created in a safe environment. Sometimes it's not exactly something that someone can explain why, or go into the whole situation of mixing pain / pleasure. Yet people have lost that integral piece of the puzzle. It's fustrating and you don't have sex like that every single time?? They treat the most hardcore shit as your average Tuesday missing the preparation and communication that goes on.
To be honest, I'm probably one of the writers in the r6s that you dislike, I can't say I believe that I write either COD or R6S fully in character, even so, I can't imagie looking at COD characters and reducing them to this lack of safety careless playthings. People look a Price and, well, you can never tell someone sexual preferences but, they look at him and are like 'ah yes this man would have no regards to ones sexual safety' like ?????
When hes about to torture the butcher he makes is to clear for not only Gaz's boundaries but for Nik's aswell. No strings attached, their word is final and it's something I really appreciated as a player as well.
This man is constantly in danger having to deal with violence and torture and then people exspect him to come home and do what? The same thing on his partner? I can't imagine it, I genuinely don't think this man could stomach hurting his partner even in a safe BDSM way. It's the same with all these men in the military, why would they want to bring that home?
I'm not into König but I have played as him on the odd occasion in game and you can sort of get a feel for his personality. The shit people write about him is so incredibly out of character even with how little is defined by him. This man is the most nerdy character in the game. He so gives off the vibes that he's a massive gremlin with his voice lines and people look at that and are like 'ah yes he would treat me bad' Pardon me? He would have a fucking mental breakdown if he hurt his s/o.
Even Graves, the bastard he is, wouldn't do any of this shit. Sure he betrayed 141 but you can still tell he cares about his team, one of the things that makes him and the shadows such a compelling and enjoyable antagonist, is that he feels so human and realistic. When he starts to lose it and shout at them in Las Almas, you can tell he regrets it. You can tell in his voice that he's trying to keep it together and stay as that fun casual commander thing he has going on.
Admittedly I've used him for plot before but the people who hardcore simp for this man, how could you look at someone like that and thing he would rule the bedroom with an iron fist? The man who gets his employees to say 'yup-yup' instead of affirmative.
As someone who does write and does strive to make people as in character as possible, (admittedly with varing results) I just don't understand how people can go so far fetched. Whenever I've been given an prompt or whatever I'm constantly looking at intrections and lore that back up characters. A lot of stuff so many characters just wouldn't do. Daddy kink is the bane of my existence. Not because I don't enjoy it but because people assign it to everyone and in all honesty? Ive literally never met a man who's into it. Same with mommy.
In terms of characters across all the games I've played I think there's like maybe one character who I genuinely thought might be into it and that was Pagan Min from Farcry 4. Maybe Damon Salvatore from the Vampire Diaries.
Yeah you can never tell someones sexual preferences or what they do in the bedroom but you can at least try. Have lore or reasoning to back up your reasoning. Not this cluster fuck of general unhealthy, unrealistic glorified BDSM. It baffles me that people think that these characters would be even remotely comfortable with some of the stuff people wrote them to do.
What's the point of simping over a character if you're not actually wanting to be with the character?
At the bottom line, tiktok (and modern internet in general (it wasn't this bad until tiktok but it has been getting worse over the years)) has shown a bunch of adolescent people pictures of the COD characters. With the easy access and desensitization of kink this has created the effect we have today. I don't actually think any of the people who write this shit actually care about the characters. Their playing with the characters like dolls. A name and a face to an oc personality they have created in their head. Or even just taking tropes of people and applying them.
Your fustration is responsible and the way your expressing it is responsible aswell. This is your space. Your not hurting anyone, in fact your ability to recognise and create commentary on today's fandom scene is a positive rather than a negative.
Welp, there it is. You read it again. I dont think I actually need to say anything or reply to it. Everything has already been said in this ask can actually convey what I have been trying to say the past two days, what we have been trying to discuss the past two days. detailed and well put like a thread. I'm gonna tag COD so people can actually read and educate themselves about this matter and that it should not be taken lightly.
#jay answers#anonymous#call of duty#cod#i dont know why people are so stubborn on trying to be so right about this matter#just take the L and move on
42 notes
·
View notes
Note
saw someone mention how they didnt like the redacted discord server bc it tries too hard to be open to everyone, but its really really restrictive as well. and i have to say, ive had issues with the server and how it’s been run for a long time.
they have a rule that you cant talk about anything that could be seen as a “political issue” which makes sense i guess… but youre not even allowed to talk about it in the vent channels. they have a system implemented that I actually suggested after a fairly heated discussion with some of the mods in the server back when roe v wade was overturned. a huge amount of people, not thinking it was a political issue (its not, its a human rights issue that was putting So Many people at risk) talked about how upset and scared it made them in the vent channel. and we were all told by the staff that it violated the rules and that we werent allowed to speak on the issue. so some of us put in a formal complaint through the system’s suggestions google form. this lead to me having a direct conversation with one of the mods about how it made me, along with several others, uncomfortable that something that was impacting people that much couldnt even be mentioned. and i know its fairly understandable. but they ended up keeping the rule in place and disregarding half of my suggestion, deciding to only implement part of it; that people should put whether or not they want to be responded to in DMs or not and if they don’t want to be DMed then they dont get a response. i suggested this so that we could keep the in depth discussions out of the server like the rules say we should.
but they felt it was unsafe. and they didnt want anyone to be “singled out” and were afraid of people getting attacked by other server members who stood on the, erm, more conservative side of things. i told them that people who yk… hate human rights… shouldnt be allowed in a space like this one. and if they want to allow shitty people to stay around the place just to make it easier for them to cater to everyone. and nothing was ever done.
and since that interaction, i havent felt safe in that server at all.
.
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
im going to post this not only as a way to defend myself but to also put out the truth so that lies arent being spread around. shoutout to anyone in this group called illustrio as this will help put out some info for those wondering whats going on:
for starters, i joined a fun discord group set in the marauders era as it was intended for busy people with busy schedules. as someone who hasnt roleplayed in a long time due to working full-time hours, this was the perfect setup for me. however, things seem to change...and yes, for the worse.
i received this message from one of the admins expressing how my inactivity has led to some difficulty interacting/proceeding with the group's plot points, which was a valid concern. i have since messaged every time i got busy and even apologized for not being around as much as i wouldve liked (which i didnt rlly have to tbh considering that the group was made FOR busy ppl but anyways). i then proceeded to ask if any other issues may have occurred that need to be brought up so we can discuss and move on successfully and healthily as a group, but it seems that i have been kicked out before i could even get the chance to reach out. despite it all, my main goal was to get clarity and ask for the true reasons why i was being let go (mind you i was still at work when this happened so i only got back to reply an hour later):
i thought the first initial message was very fair and respectful. so i reciprocated that tone in my reply:
surprisingly, the mun took a turn in the tone of their next reply and i was genuinely stumped by how things got intense very quickly:
i can go on and on about how problematic this reply was, but i knew this kind of response isn't worth fussing about so i just prepared another reply to cease any interactions with this person, but of course, i was blocked before it could be sent through:
as mentioned in my last response, there were many uncomfortable instances in the group that happened and yes, i shouldve spoken out when i could have gotten the chance as it was happening, but the amount of time i have spent roleplaying in general, has just made me ignore those 'hiccups' when they did occur. regardless, it was a very weird and absurd reply and until now im still wondering where this reaction came from when i reached out very neutrally from the get-go.
i usually shrug these type of things off as it unfortuantely does happen from time to time in the rp community, but i only decided to take matters into my own hands when im being accused of calling the mun mentioned above slurs.
despite it being a very SERIOUS accusation, i made sure to review our past messages and see where and when i could have made a comment that harmful (which i did not) just to be sure i didnt offend/harm/belittle anyone. as expected, i have seen that there are NO offensive messages in our chats as we only talked for a brief amount of time and never really got to again before they messaged me privately about this matter. below are the screenshots of our conversations before this dilemma. i have NOT touched our chats at all, so saying i have been deleting messages??? another strange thing to say:
these screenshots are the only instances where and when we talked and as im looking through, i still dont see any of the slurs that im being accused of. i havent had any 1 on 1 interactions with the mun with any of our characters either during my time in the group and only got to to talk to o through the general/public ic chats on the server.
i thought that this mun was overall, very friendly and kind. i had no issues with them whatsoever, so im wondering where the sudden change in reactions came from as i genuinely and wholeheartedly never gave them a reason to hate/dislike me.
i have since reached out to one of my friends who is also in the group and he has been sharing how the group and current admins believe that i have been referring to this mun with slurs. i hope that whoever is still in that group sees this and gets the WHOLE story before accusing someone of something this serious. it's truly tarnishing and hurtful that lies are being spread about my name, so please give this a thorough review before listening to only one side of the story and not verifying anything.
(statement from the admin; i hope they can see this thread and re-evaluate what REALLY happened) :
also, when the previous admin had managed the group, i thought they were very friendly and welcoming and had no issues with them as well, so this is all very confusing and surprising to me to say the least. as shown above on the screenshot, my first reply had been very neutral and in no way did i 'lash' out at the mun when they had first messaged me as stated in that photo.
and again, before you accuse someone of anything serious ESPECIALLY slurs, please make sure that you have the necessary proof to do so. regarding that, i have asked in the beginning of the message for any proof to show when and where i may have offended this person, but as i stated and will continue to say: i dont think i have the means to dehumanize someone else all because of a roleplay. if you have had that experience, please report them immediately. if you are someone who says slurs, please seek help and re-evaluate yourself before harming others.
all in all, i think the group was fun while it lasted. everyone seemed friendly and welcoming but this unfortunate turn of events has made me want to take a break from roleplaying in the next bit. i hope this could clear up the air as i intended to initially. thanks so much again if you got to read this far.
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
the abusive flower husbands thing does actually just come across as homophobic at some point. interpreting things in your own way is all well and good but as a gay man seeing people who are not gay men (from a lot of what I've seen anyway, not saying it's true for everyone), bending over backwards to say "no really they're abusive because I'm going to take these jokes and bits completely literally" it feels bad actually. I'm also not cool with the way people also tie this into scott being aro, bc I'm also aro and implying that he's abusive because he is aro is bad actually! sorry i really don't want to start anything this has just really been bothering me and you're the first to actually bring it up. it just has uncomfortable ties to the way people treat scott (as a character and as a real life person) as a gay man, and i think people should be more critical of these patterns
i had no idea scott was aro? huh! so i wont be able to comment on that fully because i havent seen it personally used as a point of discussion but that's really interesting..and im sure ur telling the truth i just. i havent seen it so i cant say much about my experience with it
other than that, yeah! like i said in my rb response, people dont tend to give the way that joel and grian and etc all bully jimmy the same treatment, where theyre Also horrible and abusive to jimmy etc, it just. it strikes me?
i know not EVERYONE who is interpreting FH as abusive hates scott or is even homophobic but it does just come off weird when people just don't seem to like... enjoy. the people involved at all. ... i enjoy some problematic ships because im interested in the dynamic and how things happened and the outcome, um. .. not because i hate this other guy??
idk if that makes any sense. id love to talk about the nuance and importance of media analysis and interpretation/representation of problematic relationships whether they be intentional or not but thats not rly what ur here for.
personally i do love discussion so if you have more shipping takes i am literally all ears, even if i disagree i really enjoy trying to understand different perspectives, which is a huge reason why i even made that post in the first place. it was a cry of frustration and confusion with what i was seeing because i had no context.
anyways everyone please remember we love eachother and to be civil and that im just here for discussion and understanding. i dont think FH is abusive personally, to me it reads as very just messing around and rough housing in a bad and unfamiliar situation (the life series is not like. a kind game, and 3l was the first! ofc theyre gonna be less comfortable).
i dont think its actually indicative of anyones personal beliefs unless theyre being freaks but i would implore everyone regardless of what you do or dont like both CCs and ships and etc to like. ask yourself why you dont like it, and where you're getting that information from, ykwim?
ok ty for the ask nonnie xx -🍄
0 notes
Text
I'm not Jewish but isn't the leviathan plotline kind of antisemitic? pre-christian monsters replace politicians and celebrities and CEOs and establish a shadow state to cannibalise humans? it sounds very similar to antisemitic conspiracy theories and blood libel
#supernatural#antisemitism#it made me uncomfortable but i havent seen anyone discuss it#leviathan#spn goes qanon#lets not go into their one enemy is fucking cleaning fluid like
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
matchmaker • spencer reid
Spencer X Fem!reader
Warnings: None!
Based on this request: Omg blurb where the team is having a night out and the girls and the guys are separated at the bar hanging out and all the girls are talking about who the hottest guy is and everyone says Derek and reader says she thinks spencer is hotter and everyone is kinda shocked and then Penelope tells him/tries to get them together?? (sorry its almost a month late anon)
“Oh my god, look at him go.” Garcia said, pointing at Derek who was currently in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by girls. This came as no surprise to any of you, he was known for his good looks and charming personality, both of those combined made him a catch to most girls.
“God, theres a reason he’s the most attractive guy on the team. Oh look at him move!” She squealed which made you giggle. Yeah, Miss Penelope Garcia was most definitely drunk.
“Hey,” Emily said in disagreement, she was equally as drunk which led to her having even less filter than normal, “Hotch is up there, something about how he’s always so tense just does it for me. I just wanna hold him down, loosen him up and show him who’s actually in charge, y’know.”
JJ groaned in disgust, not wanting to think of her superior in that way, “Ok Emily, time to slow down.” Her mom side coming out as she slyly replaces Emilys vodka with some water.
“What about you Y/N? Derek or Hotch... ooo what about Papa Rossi...? Garcia asked animatedly, wiggling her eyebrows and laughing at her addition of the older man who honestly, you viewed as a father.
“First of all, please never say that again. Secondly, none of them.” You said, taking a sip of your drink, now you certainly weren’t sober, but you also weren’t the drunk enough to reveal your secret crush... or so you thought.
“Oh come on,” JJ spoke up, “you’re telling me you find neither of them attractive.”
“No Jennifer, I just don’t think they’re the most attractive...” You said, a slight smile on your face.
Emily adorably scrunched up her face in confusion before it hit her. “No way... Dr Genius, really?” She didnt mean it in a bad way, you had just never outwardly expressed anything but a friendly interest in the doctor.
You felt the 3 girls stares boring into you and you caved. “Ok Ok, yes personally its Spencer. I’ve liked him since I first started but he would never be interested in me so lets not discuss it”
Penelope’s face lit up at your confession, completely ignoring your request. “Ooooo y/n, oh you have to tell him, oh you’d be so cute together.” Her voice was progressively getting louder and you didnt wanna risk anyone overhearing.
“Pen, seriously, he wouldn’t be interested, I mean he can do so much bett-“ You started, before you were cut off by Penelope.
“Dont be ridiculous, have you seen the way that boy looks at you, he’s totally into you.” She said, and before you could realise what was happening, she was calling him over.
“Penelope no what are you do-,” You began to protest but stopping when he approached the table. “Hey Spence.” You waved up at him, earning a smile in return.
“Hey! What’s up?” He asked.
“Reid, JJ was just about leave and she’s mine and Emily’s ride so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind keeping our good friend Y/N here company” She said, slightly slurring her words and smiling as she looked back and forth between you and him. Oh my god you were gonna kill her.
“Uhh, sure yeah I have to wait for Derek anyway, I promised to drive him home.” He said, nodding towards the man in the middle of the dancefloor, clearly too drunk to be driving himself.
Penelope glanced at the other two girls, who quickly began gathering their things in order to leave. She placed a hand on Reids shoulder and smiled at him. “You, Spencer Reid, are a good friend.” She said before leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Maybe even boyfriend.”
She pulled away before you could say anything back, giggling to herself before wishing us goodbye and joining Emily and JJ by the door.
You watched them leave, as Spencer took a seat next to you, “Sooo... how’s your thesis going?” He asked, genuinely interested in your work which made you smile, Penny was right about one thing, he was a really good friend.
“Uhh its ok, research is a killer and I kinda hit a dead end but i’m getting back into it.” You replied, and he nodded. It was quiet for a second as you fiddled with your glass.
“I-“ “So-“ You both said at the same time, making you laugh nervously.
“You first.” You offered, and he nodded. He also seemed nervous about what he was gonna say which made you curious.
“I- uh, I kinda overheard your conversation earlier...” He said, and your smile instantly dropped, and you could feel your stomach churning. He knew your secret, he knew that you liked him.
“Oh my god, Spencer i’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You said, about to begin a rambling of apologies when he quickly cuts you off.
“No! No you didn’t. I just, it was unexpected. Why would you think I wouldn’t be interested?” He asked, head tilting to the side as he looked you like a small confused puppy.
You looked down at your glass and sighed, “C’mon Spence, you’re you...” His confused silence made you elaborate, “You’re amazing Spencer, you’re kind, smart, funny and... and frankly you’re incredibly attractive. You’re way out of my league.”
You looked up when you felt his hand gently graze yours, Spencers aversion to touch was well known by everyone at the fbi, so this physical...almost intimate contact came as surprise.
“I- I’m not good at this,” He stuttered and it was your turn to be confused but luckily he continued. “I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love you from the first day we met and... I know that might be ridiculous to say because we havent spent much time together and love at first sight isn’t that common, actually a study showed that-“
Whilst you normally loved to listen to your favourite genius ramble on about facts and figures, right now all you wanted was to tell him you loved him too, honestly it felt like a pinch me moment and if it weren’t for the warmth of his hand against yours, you would’ve thought it was a dream.
“Spencer,” You looked up at him and smiled, gently squeezing the hand that was holding yours as reassurance... to tell him it was real, “I love you too.”
He slowly leaned in, his eyes darting from your lips to your eyes silently asking if it was ok to kiss you and you didn’t hesitate to pull him forward and do what you had been waiting forever to do, your lips moulding together perfectly as if they were built for each other.
Little did you know that Derek was filming the whole thing to send to Garcia, who no doubt would not stop talking about what a matchmaker she is, and truthfully shes a damn good one.
#3 posts in one day???#my hotchniss heart won this one sorry#spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#mgg#mgg x reader#mgg fluff#criminal minds#my works!
630 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just Me? (Kelce,Rafe,TopperXReader)
Warnings:Not proof read,mentions of eating disorders,not proof read,hehehehehe yall arent ready <3
The Best Boys Marvel Movies Action Figures Bird
You couldnt stop thinking about what had happened with Rafe.You had tried everything to get it off your mind.You tried going for a swim,wrapping your banadage over with plastic wrap like Kelce had told you but that just made you think of how much more fun it would be to play volleyball in the pool with the boys.
You tried watching tv,doing the dishes and baking but you had baked brownies.Who’s favorite food in the whole world is brownies?Rafe.Rafe fucking loves brownies.You couldnt even understand why Rafe would kiss you.He had literally seen you with tears in your eyes and vomit all over your face.That’s gross.You sat in your kitchen for a while,walking in circles on top of the kitchen table,debating on whether or not to call Kelce.
You couldnt talk to Rafe about it,that was just both awkward and ridiculous.Kelce would probably insist on inviting Rafe over to have a group discussion about the importance of communication and understanding.That left Topper.You huffed,deciding to get off your table and grab a diet coke from the fridge before calling him.
“Did your cut reopen?”He asked anxiously,not even bothering to say hello.He held the football that was previously being thrown back and forth to his chest,holding up a finger to Kelce as he listened to you. “An emotional one.Can you come over?”You asked,tapping your fingers against your marble countertop.
He frowned,looking at the dull sky through his dark sunglasses,letting out a small sigh. “Yeah,sure.So whats going on?Is it the type of emotional reopen that you need McDonalds and coffee or is it a tissue and Criminal Minds situation?”He asked,guessing it was probably the second one.
“Neither.Are you alone?”You asked,intriguing him. “You want me to come over?Like just me?”He asked. “Are-are you with the others?”You asked,waiting anxiously for his answer.He stared back at a confused Kelce,humming. “Im with Kelce.Would you be okay if I brought him?”He asked you quietly.
“No-do not bring Kelce.I dont know,just tell him that you have to clean your fishtank or that your uncle died or something.”You exclaimed quickly,not wanting to hurt Kelce’s feelings.Topper’s jaw dropped. “Dont fucking manifest my uncle dyint-just give me twenty minutes,alright?”He asked.You smacked yourself in the face with your palm,groaning. “Yeah,okay.”You answered,hanging up.
You spent those twenty minutes pacing around your house,jogging up and down your stairs until you were painting,tug at your shirt to cool yourself off.You got annoyed with the material,ripping it off your head and throwing it.
“FUCK!”You shouted for no reason in particular.Everything was beginning to stress you out,walking down the stairs and fighting the urge to scream as the moment ran through your head once more.You always knew Rafe would drive you crazy.Your door opened,Topper standing there with a frozen coffee topped with whipped cream.
He looked over to you,surprised that you werent laying on your couch as usual.He glanced down at your chest for a split second before staring down at the floor,feeling guilty.He held out the coffee to you,eyebrows furrowing when you placed it on the table opposed to eating the whipped cream off. “What’s going on?”He asked,reaching out to grab your shoulders and make you look at him.
“Im sorry,im really fucking stressed and I have a stomach ache and im going insane and you’re the only person I cant think to talk too.Did you tell Kelce you were comeing here?”You asked.He grabbed your wrist gently,pulling you onto the couch and looking at you with concern evident on his face.
“I told Kelce that I left my oven on so I had to leave.Rafe is out on the boat with Sarah,Ward,Rose and Wheezie for the day.Can you tell me what’s going on?”He asked,dragging the coffee across the table so it was in front of you.You sighed,bringing your knee to your chest and wrapping your arms around it.
“I just-god,shitting fuck.”You cursed,getting quiet as you pinched the bridge of your nose.Topper was getting more and more worried as the seconds passed,reaching out a hand to rub your thigh in attempts to comfort you.
He let out a small gasp when you gripped his wrist tightly,shaking it back and forth with slight aggression. “Literally dont tell anyone what im about to tell you,got it?Not Rafe,not Kelce,not Nemo,not your mom,not your uncle not anyone.Do you understand?”You asked,trying your best not to sound completely insane but not succeeding at all.
He nodded quickly,anticipating building up within him. “Yeah,I totally wont.I promise.Now tell me what the fuck is happening!”He exclaimed. “Rafe kissed me.”You answered,feeling your hands shake a little as Topper went silent.He didnt know what to think.He was mroe mad at Rafe than anything.They had all agreed to just stay friends with you and not to fuck anything up.
He felt jealous that he wasn't the one to kiss you but also felt more worried about how you felt about the whole situation.Clearly you didn't feel great about it otherwise he wouldn't be sitting on your couch.He was shocked that you had chose to talk to him over Kelce.You had always picked Kelce to speak to about your emotional problems.That only made Topper think more.
Why wouldn't you want Kelce to know? “God,topper.Can you please say something?You’re stressing me the fuck out.”You huffed.He licked his lips upon realizing that his jaw had dropped. “So he just kissed you?Like,it just happened?”He asked.You nodded,looking over to the coffee and the foamy white mess that had once been a beautiful swirly mountain.
“So...how do you feel about it?Do you like him like that?”Topper asked,trying to keep himself from freaking out.You bit your tongue,looking over to your tv and deciding that this whole house was too awkward and too quiet.You reached for the remote,putting on some cartoons. “I don't even know.I don't know what to think or how to feel and I havent talked to Rafe since then and now I feel like shit.What do I even do?i cant call him or anything cause I have nothing to say.”You thought out loud,kind of wishing that Kelce was here to go through all of the possibilities to help you figure out your best option.
But he wasn't. “Thats okay.You don't really need to know right this second but if you want to keep things from getting awkward then-well,hear me out.I think its a good idea for you to talk to Rafe about this or just talk to Rafe.Right now things are awkward because you’re not talking to him.Just think about it,you’re avoiding each other which makes you both too uncomfortable to start a conversation which will make things worse.”He explained as if he had been through this type of thing before.
You bit the inside of your cheek,forcing your eyes to look at the tv where a rerun of The Loud House was playing. “You really think its a good idea for me to talk to him?”You asked.You saw him nod from the corner of your eye,hearing your stomach rumble right after. “Yeah,I do.You should call him and ask him to hang out or something.I can invite Kelce over too so its not awkward and you two can either talk about it or not.Just being around him in that setting will probably make you less nervous.”He handed you the frozen coffee and a straw,wanting you to drink it.
“How stressed have you been?”He asked,relieved when you took a sip of the coffee.You pulled away from the straw,sighing. “Why?Do I seem overly stressed?”You asked,trying to figure out how he could tell you were anxious.On top of being friends with you for over five years he also watched Criminal Minds.He probably knew shit about your anxiousness.
He shrugged,looking around to see where you had thrown your shirt. “Your house smells like brownies.You used to bake so you’d feel closer to food and you stress bake sometimes.When was the last time you ate?”He asked,making your eyes widen and your heart thump.Shit.You hadnt eaten since the last time you saw Rafe,three days ago.
“Yeah,its been a while,hasn't it?”He asked,knowing that he had caught you. “Did you do this on purpose?”He asked,tracing figure eights on your kneecap. “No,i've just been really stressed.”You answered.He nodded,telling you to drink your coffee while he went to make you something.You sat on the couch,stirring the coffee and thinking again.The thought of him kissing you invaded your mind as you thought back to everything that had led up to it.
You had wrapped your legs around his waist but that wasnt something uncommon for you to do.You’d wrap your legs around him and your arms around his shoulders and make him carry you around like a toddler.Something told you it was just the way the situation was,he was really close to you and no one else was around so why the fuck not?That was probably all it was but your brain kept going back to the way your stomach felt and the way your heart sped up.
It was something that you hadnt felt before and your brain was probably just trying to recreate the feeling by forcing you to think about it for 72 hours straight.Yeah,that made perfect sense.Your phone dinged,causing your heart to drop into your ass.Fuck.You picked it up,not daring to look at the screen as you built up the courage to look at it.
Three….two...one.You looked at the screen,eyes widening when you saw who it was.It was your uncle,one that you hadnt spoken too since your fourteenth birthday.That was the first red flag before you even read the message. “Your mother’s with me.She’s not coming back.”Was all it said.He was in Italy which meant that your mother was too.She had no reason to be in Italy.This had to be some sort of sick joke.Maybe your Uncle’s wife had took his phone and texted that to you just to get you on edge.
Deep down you knew that it wasnt true,that you mother really wasnt coming back.Your eyes began to water,a few tears rolling down your cheeks.What the fuck were you gonna do?There was no knowing if she would pay the bills from Italy or if you would lose your house and everything you owned because of her.You let out a muffled sob,covering your mouth with your hand.Topper heard,running out of the kitchen.
“Hey,whats wrong?Is it about Rafe?”He asked,kneeling in front of you and grabbing you a paper towel to blow your nose.You shook your head,watching as he picked up your phone and read the message across the screen. “Its gonna be okay,I promise,okay?”He began to rub your back,wishing the Rafe or Kelce was here since he wasnt the best at comforting you.Rafe was best at cuddling and Kelce was best at talking and Topper preferred to just be emotional support. “No-no she’s not coming back and im gonna lose the house and im fucked!”You sobbed,his arms wrapping tight around you. “No,no you’re not.We’ll figure it out.”He answered,making the decision to call Rafe and Kelce to come and help with the situation.
@sweetlittlegingy @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off
If you’d like to be in the taglist for the series comment with a “*” or ⭐
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x you#rafe x you#rafe fic#rafe#drew starkey#topper thornton#topper thorton x reader#topper thorton imagine#topper imagine#topper headon#topper thornton fluff#kelce outer banks#kelce imagine#kelce obx#kelce x reader
240 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m A Creep
Fandom: The Messenger Jack x Rin Davies
Word Count: 5k
Warnings: suicide discussion, oral sex, penetration, mention of masturbation, angsty whomp because OOOOF is Jack a Whomp!character
Note: The events of this fic contain spoilers for those of you who havent seen The Messenger. It takes place after the end of the movie. Read at your own risk if you haven’t seen it! If you want it’s free on Tubi :)
Present Day:
Jack stood beside Rin in the dead of night watching her sleep for just a moment. Only a moment because she roused the instant she sensed him breathe. Sitting up, she quickly reached inside the nightstand. He knew her routine, Rin was impulsive about making sure her leather motorcycle gloves were on before she let him in.
Jack wordlessly pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his sweatpants and boxers.
Rin lifted her covers and opened her legs to him. Obliging, Jack lowered himself onto her showering her neck with kisses. His tongue and lips trailing down along her collarbone, erection hard against her thigh. A hand found its way under Rin’s t-shirt and over a naked breast where he pinched at a nipple.
“Jack,” she was breathless. “Stop. Don't touch my skin, please.”
Jack pushed himself up by the arms, “How is this enjoyable to you, duck?” A northern term of endearment. “My thighs ah touchin’ you aren't they?” The moonlight caught his eyes as he teased her with the head of his cock. “What about this, inside you?” Suggestively whispered.
Rin moaned but held her cool. “It’s not the same. Like you said, that's inside. It's just my.. skin. From my..” her voice trailed off.
“Would it be so bad? I just want to feel you under me without fuckkin clothes.” Jack took a chance and kissed her. Tongue pushing inside of Rin, but she stiffened. “Sweetheart,” now he whispered, just his fingertips brushed her cheek. “Please, love, just touch me”
--------
Several Weeks Before:
Rin sat alone at a center table in the middle of the visitation room. This wasn’t her first rodeo, probably won’t be her last. She flexed her hands outwards the leather of her gloves cracking and flexing in a satisfying manner. No one was going to come and see her. Besides, the solitude allowed her to quietly spy on all the other nutters around the room.
Just to her left Rin noticed a pretty redheaded woman and her son as they sat across from probably the most attractive guy ever in an institution. There was a tenseness to the way he sat, shoulders hunched and hands between his legs. His hair unruly and a blank stare that wasn’t really focusing on- she came to realize- his sister and nephew. Rin knew him from group therapy where he was equally quiet, eyes glassy from a psych med cocktail. The majority of his speaking hours tucked away in that overbearing therapist’s office.
“Jack, will you please just look at me?” his sister, Emma tried her best to reach out to her brother. “I.. I think Martin and I made a mistake.”
Jack only stared straight ahead between Emma and his nephew, Billy. The preteen looked uncomfortable and scared as his mother nudged him softly. “It's ok. Billy tell Uncle Jack.”
“I did, Mom” , his voice quiet. “I'm supposed to say no. That you should get me help before it's too late.” Rin watched as Billy folded his arms and laid his head down. “Only I can't. It's all night and day, Jack. I can't sleep because they don't have you.”
“Best leave him here with me then, Emma.” It was the first time anyone heard Jack speak in weeks. His sister had a posh accent, so Rin was surprised when Yorkshire dripped from his lips. “For good, right?”
“That's not fair. You are sick, Jack. You weren't caring for yourself. You.. you got too involved with that murder. You were hurting yourself,” Emma struggled with tears. “I want to take you home.”
“Oh like I'm some kind of fookin dog? Emma you and Martin made it clear I belong here. She's right, maybe it was all dad. That's traumatic you know.”
“You deserve someplace warm! A home. Please, Jack. I found this in your things.” She slid a newspaper clipping towards her brother. “That's the boy who drowned. Why.. why didn't you tell me?”
“Loads of kids drown in pools,” Jack stated bluntly with a shrug. “Why should your pool be any different?”
“I never said it was our pool.”
“I recognized the address in the article”
“Jack, it's from two years ago.”
“I got lucky. Ah we doon here? I have walls to stare at. Here Billy you can have this back,” from between his knees he produced a glass paperweight with a scorpion inside. “Tell all ya mates Crazy Uncle Jack sends his loov”
Jack tried to stand but Emma grabbed his arm. This was Rin’s cue to swoop in. She swiftly moved from her table to theirs.
“JACKIE!’ I've been looking for you everywhere!” His eyes panicking in her direction. “I'm Wren,” she took her glove off and reached a scarred hand in Emma's direction. “But my brother couldn't say it so you can call me Rin” She smiled brightly.
Emma tentatively shook Rin’s hand, smiling in turn. Rin took a moment as her mind’s eye zoned in on what was inside of Jack’s sister. It was a loneliness, a desperation to take care of her little brother but protect her son from the same fate. But most importantly Rin felt a small tingling of warmth from somewhere deep inside of Emma’s heart. It was white and pure and instantly recognizable as hope. Even though it was tiny it was growing and starting to spread, and Rin knew Emma was eager to share that with her brother.
“Wow,” Rin blurted, “I wish my brother was as invested in me as you are. You’re a good person, Emma. Trust me,” she winked. “Woman’s intuition.”
Emma narrowed her eyes and studied the crazed looking woman standing between her and Jack. The scars on Rin’s hand raised some alarms, but Emma ignored them. She omitted a relief and let go, “Well thank you. Can you talk some sense into my brother?”
Moments later, with the visitors gone, Rin sat down in Emma’s place. “Thank you is a start,” she teased Jack.
He rolled his eyes and slowly turned in her direction to face her dead on. The intensity of his eyes took Rin by surprise. “Thank you,” the sarcasm poured like a waterfall.
Rin took off her other glove. “Now, Mr-”
“Jack is fine.”
“Jack. Tell me,” Rin feigned a German accent, “Und why do zey sink you are crazy.”
He blinked slowly.
“You got sectioned. What bullshit excuse did they force you to believe? Because it seems like Lovely Emma is desperate to get you out, and we know how hard that is.”
Jack took an impossibly deep breath, “Schizo-effective disorder with some dissociation, post traumatic stress disorder, non-suicidal self injury disorder and depression.”
“Fuck me, that's a trail mix of bonkers. Now ask me”
Jack closed his eyes. They were shut for so long that Rin was certain he had fallen asleep having given in to his meds. His hunched, thin body sort of folded a bit in on itself. A moment of possible self-soothing when he started to sway.
“Jack?” Rin's tone fell quietly with concern. She poke his arm carefully avoiding touching the skin. “Darling what cocktail did these quacks put you on.” She was an expert after all these years; if the drugs were working, no way would he be this much of a zombie.
Green blank eyes hidden behind enviable eyelashes attempted to focus “Seroquel. Clozapine?” His words start to slur a bit. “Fine. How fucking barmy are you?”
“Well,” the young woman softened, “I have suicidal ideations with self-injury tendencies myself, severe clinical depression, a bit of the old borderline personality disorder and wait for it..” she practically whispered a few inches from Jack’s face, “total emotional attachment to partners.”
The skin around Jack’s eyes crinkled as he squinted just enough to indicate his hazed brain was trying to process everything Rin just unloaded. His lips parted to speak but he paused resulting in a gobsmacked expression. “You’re barking.”
“Says the sexy scarecrow with journo clippings of dead boys.” Rin pursed her lips and crossed her arms, “Why are you really in here Jack.”
“I’m fucking mad.” It was matter of fact.
“To quote the Cheshire Cat, we’re all mad here, love. Look at me,” she held her hands aloft to display gnarled and prominent scars covering both hands in their entirety. “I developed a gift or two by primary school. See I can touch a person, and I know what they are feeling. Except it.. It goes deeper than that. I can PICTURE their true selves. It’s a bit overstimulating, but no one can lie to me. Not really. Doesn’t do much for my sex life. Or lack of one really. Honestly, you put a cock in your mouth only to find out the guy you’re with is fantasizing about slitting your throat and wanking in your blood.”
Jack shook his head, “Jesus christ.”
“Well yes! My parents were religious zealots, right? They got wind of my gifts. Tried to use me in the church, but I rebelled. Long story short, darling Mumsy and Papa decided if they may be stuck my hands in boiling grease I wouldn’t be able to use it anymore. It’s not in my hands though. It’s in my skin,” Rin smiled almost pleasantly. “Sometimes I get a bit over the edge. I stop shielding myself from the pure air around folks, I suffocate in it. Then,” now she held out her wrists, “I have my little accidents.”
Jack’s mouth hung agape. His brows furrowed in confusion, “You are off you’re fucking nut.”
“That’s all relative. Now, you can tell me why they REALLY sectioned you. What power or ability are they masquerading as mental illness, or I can find out my way.” Rin shrugged.
“Why the fuck do you care? I’m sleeping at night. I have food and a bed and a shower.”
“Und electro-shock zerapy, und coma inducing psychopharmaceuticals, und most importantly you has lost your voice und a chance to harness your ability correctly.” that mock German accent again. “You shouldn’t be here, Jack. Emma certainly doesn’t think so, and neither do I. You’re special. Or that bitch shrink wouldn’t have made you the living dead.”
Jack snorted followed by a rather loud. “Just fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. FUCK OFF!” he screamed in Rin’s face. Not once did she flinch, arms crossed again in a challenge. Disgusted by her, Jack kept bellowing his words thick with anger and cotton from the meds, “I DON'T BELONG OUT THERE EITHER! I DON'T BELONG IN HERE! I DON’T FUCKING BELONG ANYWHERE. HE’S DEAD. SHE’S DEAD. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THE CUNTS IS DEAD! DEAD DEAD DYING! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”
He shot up out of the chair to leave, but Rin caught his large hand. Skin to skin, hands so small together they barely covered just his one. Instantly her body stiffened as she gasped for air. Tears immediately stung her eyes as she crammed them shut. There in her mind was just a large body of water. Ocean waves crashed overhead as she sank far below the surface. Dark, cold, horrifying that sensation of being drowned. Rin choked on the last bit of oxygen in her lungs and started to suffocate. The hand she held brought her mind’s eye around to opening under the water to see Jack floating near-motionless in front of her. It took all of her strength to push against the tide towards him where she held his face in her hands. Death and decay flashed above them, the dead peering down from boats just waiting for Jack to return to the surface.
Rin strained to convey that tiny bit of hope Emma had passed along to her earlier as she pressed her forehead into Jack’s in the icy deep. There was no reason in particular that she was drawn to him. Not in the hospital or here trying to save him from drowning slowly. Was he attractive, undoubtedly, but that wasn’t all or it. Maybe it was now that she knew he was a messenger, a harbinger of death. That was itself a form of an empathic gift. Or it was just compassion.
Suddenly Jack’s eyes burst open. In that languid way your body moves underwater, he pushed her away. His arms and legs thrashed around in a panic as if he only just realized he was allowing this place to kill him. There was an instant loss, and Rin’s inner self slammed into a brick wall. The physical Jack had severed the connection between her body and his. To resurface that suddenly forced Rin gulping in blessed oxygen that she never really lost. It was an illusion, where the two of them had been. He really had shoved her back though, she realized that now. Storming out of the visitation center, Jack left Rin alone to cry.
--------
Several days later
Rin lounged against the wall outside of Jack’s room with her gloves firmly in place. Patients weren’t SUPPOSED to fraternize outside of the common rooms, but Rin had been here a few times before. She knew which orderlies and nurses to finess, and which to avoid. In this case Jerry was the giant, affable St Bernard of a man that kept watch in this particular hallway.
“Wren back so soon?” he teased. “What are you doing hanging around the human handbook for the recently deceased?”
“Delightful, Jer. How is he? I mean really.” Rin hooked her thumb in the direction of the room.
“Easiest patient I’ve dealt with on account of he rarely speaks, pops his meds and keeps to himself. Gave us a bit of a row when he first got here, but I like the guy. I don’t know what to believe though. His sister’s been sniffing around administratives.” The orderly shrugged his massive shoulders. “Heard you took quite the piss on visitation day.”
“I didn’t take the piss!”
“Did ya do your handsy thing,” Jerry made jazz hands.
Rin’s eyes almost rolled back in her head, but suddenly there was a figure in the doorway which caused her to jump. “How about we don’t talk about the nutter like he isn’t 10 feet away and only 27 years old?” Jack insisted. His arms crossed and shoulders sagged in their usual way.
“Can we talk?”
Before Jack could truly answer, Rin had already pushed past him and sat down on his bed. His mouth hung somewhat agape before he eventually joined her. Jack attempted to sit close, just for some human contact, but the young woman beside him shied away.
“Right,” a retort. “You’ve started being just as bloody fucking annoying as they were.”
Startled, “Who?”
“You know those.. Schizo delusions I’m here for.”
“The dead?”
Jack’s green eyes narrowed and Rin knew there was a sarcastic remark just sitting there waiting to be released. Instead he curled his posture as if he was trying to fold in on himself. Make himself smaller, less noticeable. “Dissociations sparked by my father’s suicide.”
“Psycho babble bullshit jargon. Congratulations, you’ve become a parrot.” Rin waved her hand, “Jack has anyone ever-.” There was a hesitation.
“Has anyone ever what? Go on, enlighten me then”
Rin started stripping her gloves off but thought better of it. A sense of foreboding, of drowning and clutching her chest for hair flashed across her mind. The loneliness emanated from Jack without her touch. That empathic conduction of her skin. Reaching instead to place the soft leather against his cheek, her thumb brushed his bottom lip. Her eyes searched for him in that moment where time stood still before a mouth replaced a thumb.
To not only Rin’s surprise but his own, Jack didn’t recoil. His body relaxed as instinct took hold. There was a fervor in hands that got tangled up in hair. Tongues fought each other as arms made their way around bodies in an embrace. They held one another tight, the desperation apparent.
The spell broke when Jack laid Rin down on the bed and let his warm mouth trail down her neck. He was awkward and hungry like a teenager. He fumbled around her chest to attempt massaging her breast.
A snort came from Rin simply to hide the panic of rushing water when Jack’s lips came into contact with her skin. Maybe hers found it easier to beg off that inner eye from opening, but now she didn’t have a choice. They weren’t as deep with the surface just rippling only a few inches away.
Before she started to lose oxygen again, Rin began to squirm. “ Stop. Please?”
Jack sat up and faced forward as if nothing had transpired. His cheeks flushed and a hand tugged at his tee-shirt embarrassingly then stuffed between his legs. He blinked a few times as he breathing calmed.
“I only came to ask you if anyone had ever shown you affection. Held you. Emma.. Emma” Rin inhaled deeply as she forced Jack to hold her glove hand. “I know she sort of longs to hug you.” Back on his cheek to make him look at her. “Obviously I got my answer,” she laughed.
Jack silently replied by pushing his forehead into Rin's. They laid down again this time with their heads on his pillow legs and arms tangled up in each other. Jack nuzzled the edge of his nose into the skin behind her ear; her breath caught. Then the couple seemingly melted together.
“Jack you seem less-” fingers twisted up in his curls.
“Like a walking coma patient?” hand gripped the thick of her thigh. Then reaching a shelf above Rin Jack seized one of those creepy glass paperweights housing a floating tarantula. Turning it over underneath to show a tiny white envelope. “I started hiding my meds. Pass them along to my sister when she visits.”
Just under the surface of the water, still struggling for air exploded before Rin's eyes. Perhaps she had passed something between Emma and Jack. Was it her own faith that was transmitted to him? That first touch that woke him up after all this time.
The next few weeks became a game of trial and error. Of how little or much Rin and Jack could consume of each other. Kissing was no longer an issue once the meds began to wear off, lips and tongues and mouths. It felt more like standing ankle deep in a bathtub. Warm and comforting; it was Jack that was overpowering.
Eager to make up for a very long very lost amount of time. He stumbled along Rin's body uneasily because of how little clothing she removed at first. Not that he was in a rush to reveal what was underneath his oversized shirt and sweatpants. He wasn’t the one recoiling when the stimulation overwhelmed.
“I'll take off my shirt. Touch me here, but where the fabric of my bra is. Tease the nipple with just your fingertips. No that's.. maybe under? Touch them. Oh God. Now your mouth. Right there. Are you.. you took your shirt off too?” (She marveled at how defined, muscular Jack's body seemed despite his slight stature)
Jack took initiative now and slid his fingers inside of Rin. He pumped them a few times guided by her ``Oh.. maybe you can touch me.. Do you feel.. It’s like a bud or a kernel.. Here let me.. It’s just right.. OH GOD. Right like.. ” And she would ride his hand and fingers that circled that bud.
Rin would cry out in surprise. Her body exploded in ecstasy. They weren't drowning anymore. Just swimming, bobbed under the water and surface. It was the sense-memory of suffocating, coupled with the dazzling pleasure of Jack's warm tongue as it teased her nipples, his strong fingers teasing her clit at the same time. His hot skin meshed with hers washed out by fear. She apologized as they scrambled to arrange themselves.
“Don't think I'm going anywhere for quite some time, my love.” His words changed with the possessive my in lieu of the once meaningless sentiment. He would steal a chaste kiss from Rin whose cheeks flushed to match his own as he made that familiar adjustment between his legs. In the future, Rin would come to him without a bra but reluctant to take her shirt off when Jack kept on never minding.
Jerry became an ally of sorts. He always had been on Rin's side after she read him her second section. It wasn't difficult to get him to believe in Jack's abilities. Staff has whispered down the corridors that Jack had suddenly found himself aware of a suicide attempt. That dead reporter Emma mentioned, his fiancé had taken more pills than Rin ever fathomed any number of her attempts. (She had a flare for dramatics: slit wrists) Jerry mentioned Jack had a tantrum the likes of a toddler screaming the name Sarah whatever over and over, pounding his fists into his head to make whatever haunted him. Sure enough, this Sarah was found nearly having bled out and foaming at the mouth.
“How would he even fucking know, poppet? Not unless Jack really was chatting up her dead fiancé “ As if that was all he needed, Jerry turned his back and caused distractions all the nights the Empath and her Beautiful Broken Man longed to be together.
It was stunning the way Jack learned to manipulate the system. Only Rin, and reluctantly Jerry, knew he pocketed his meds. Safely tucked away in those ugly arachnid globes in the pockets or purse of Billy and Emma. He started talking more in group therapy and far less in private sessions. Engaged in conversations with his sister and nephew, true ones that resulted in a simple smile or a laugh free from a facetious tone. To the staff and doctors those fucking psychopharmeceuticals worked. To Jack’s sister and nephew and whatever Rin was to him, there was a slowly lifting weight making the air around him lighter. Yet Rin kept her hands to herself.
More trial and error. In the midst of fervent kisses, Rin took Jack in her hand. A stroke or two was all she got in before he spasmed and came. The mortification that flashed in his eyes as he curled in a fetal position between her and the wall while she whispered reassurances in his ear. Touching him, caressing him and eventually taking him into her mouth became easier and longer with practice and patience.
They laughed into each other’s mouths before Rin let her tongue trail down over his stomach. Anxiously Jack took off his pants and boxers, lying backwards. He held the back of her head, moaned and twisted as she licked and sucked on him. His hips bucked and thrust upwards.
-------------------
Present Day, Again
“Would it be so bad? I just want to feel you under me without fuckin clothes.” Jack took a chance and kissed Rin. Tongue pushed inside of her, but she stiffened. “Sweetheart,” now he whispered, just his fingertips brushed her cheek. “Please, love, just touch me?”
Rin took a moment to think. He wasn’t drowning anymore. She could push that old feeling out of her third eye and bury herself in new ones. She took a hold of her shirt and tossed it on the floor. She took the erection that twiced against her thigh and held it just outside of her pulsating and ready sex. With hands that sunk into her vunerable skin, Jack buried himself inside of her.
That fire from Emma all that time ago poured from Jack’s body into hers. It pushed back the water as he pumped rhythmically into Rin. Building into a frenzy quickly, his pelvis crashed into hers before she could really come around to what was happening. It briefly conquered the fears from before; caused hot tears to spring to her eyes that flowed uncontrolled down her cheeks.
In his fervor, Jack noticed and bent to kiss them away. The gesture she had made that first time, a thumb brushed across her cheek and lower lip as he slowed his pace. Wren,” he took to calling her that tentatively. “What is it?”
Before she could answer, Jack became distracted by something in the corner of the room. Eyes passed between Rin and whatever it was that she couldn’t fathom or see. She took his chin and focused it on her as they crashed together and apart again in another wave of building friction. It was too late though, he had abruptly pulled out and away from her.
“NO! STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! CAN’T I HAVE ONE MOMENT OF FUCKING HAPPINESS WITHOUT ONE OF YOU LOOMING OVER ME LIKE A FUCKING PERV.” He used fists to beat out a rhythm on his temples as he scurried to the corner of his bed with knees up to his chest.
In the frenzy, Rin had been knocked to the floor. Jerry had rushed in, he was never too far away just in case. In a whirlwind, he picked Rin up with one hand and with the other attempted to intervene between Jack's fists and his head. What could either of them do? If attention was drawn to the room, surely the doctors would realize Jack had gone unmedicated for weeks. Jerry’s eyes wide gestured towards Rin’s hands. She shook her head, but Jack carried on.
“Go on Jenny Wren, there has to be something your hands can do. I’ll lose my job and you’ll be separated. They’ll put him back in the Zoo.” He was already yanking her arms forward and trying to remove her gloves before she could consent.
Rin knew The Zoo. It being rooms that could be monitored with two way mirrors. You got a bed and a blanket. They controlled when the lights came on and when they turned them off. No privilege, no real structure. They fed you, bathed you, and gave you “playtime” when they said. No matter how you suffered from mental illness no one deserved that. She would never forgive herself.
“JERRY LET ME DO IT MYSELF!” Rin bellowed if only to out yell Jack and his fit. “Make her go away! LEAVE ME ALONE” he cried underneath her. Her hands free, she flexed them a few times before joining Jack on the bed. She clutched his forearms and struggled to get a grip enough to pull them away from self-harm. “JACK! YOU HAVE GOT TO FUCKING STOP, MY DARLING.” She slid her hands over his temples before he could punch them anymore. She used the heels of her palms and pressed.
It was immediate, the way her mind opened to him. This time he was floating along the tide in a boat surrounded by what Rin could only guess were dead people. They grabbed and tugged on Jack’s clothes. Rin sat on the other side from him between two oars; she used one to swat at the ghosts who tried to pull them back in. But there, walking along the surface, was a beautiful young woman. Blonde hair flowed in waves down her back. Sarah.
“You said we would be together, Jack.” She was angry. “That’s what you told him when he warned you I overdosed. I survived that attempt, but not the second one. Where is he Jack? Why isn’t he here waiting for me?”
Jack stood up and the boat began to dangerously rock. Rin took his hand and he squeezed it in return. He bellowed at the dead woman, “YOU SURVIVED AND HE MOVED ON. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU BEING FUCKING STUPID, SARAH. WHAT I TOLD YOU WAS MEANT TO EASE YOUR GUILT. HE LOVED YOU. YOU WERE SO LOVED. HE DIDN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME ALONE. ALL OF YOU. I’M FUCKING DONE. MOVE ON. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE OF MY KIND. AND FUCK OFF BILLY TOO, MATE.”
“Jack?” Rin spoke softly. The hands gripped her tight in place of him. They started to pull her in with him because he was useless now. He stood up to them for possibly the first time in twenty years. They would take her instead then.
Jack seized Rin’s body before she could go over in his place. He held her fast and tight and shielded her from them. “NO. You don’t fucking get ANYONE I love. Not Billy. Not Emma. Not Martin. No Wren or Rin. AND YOU DON’T FUCKING GET ME ANYMORE.” He took the oar up in his free hand and swung it around the bodies in the water. He jabbed it forward like a sword at Sarah still pacing the side of the boat. “GO, SARAH. HE’S WAITING FOR YOU. I PROMISE THIS TIME” Jack insisted and pleaded.
Then it was so silent it deafened both Jack and Rin as they clung to one another in the boat. In a flash and explosion, they separated and landed back on the bed in the room in an institution. Jerry panted and pawed at the two of them dazed and uncertain. Jack blinked a handful of times with no recollection of what just took place in his head and Rin’s. They never knew or remembered Rin had learned.
Jack scoured the room for any sign of Sarah or anyone else. He rubbed his eyes a few times then sighed heavily. “I.. I want to go back to my room now.” It was matter of fact.
Jerry nodded and helped him back into his clothes. Jack stumbled a bit but managed to kiss Rin sweetly before being led away and down the hall. Rin knew Jerry would probably give him something to help him sleep at least for the night and probably into tomorrow. She was afraid Jack had woken up a second time. Not just from his nightmare of the last twenty years, but whatever happened between them. It was a price she had to pay sometimes when she helped. There was something Rin longed to say earlier. What made her cry was an ember somewhere deep inside of Jack that he had never experienced before. For the first time in his life, he had hope.
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok hot take — but also because I’m genuinely curious — I’ve seen a lot of discussion about the anti - Asian racism in shadow and bone and how it was unnecessary + obvious that the writers were white, etc.
*this ended up being long so I put the rest under the cut*
before I begin I just want to say that im just putting this out here to hear what others have to say !! I’m open to whatever u have to say legit I just want to talk to others about this hahah. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but if I do then I apologize and if you feel like it, to let me know why exactly so I can be more aware next timee
okk so, reading what everyone else had to say after finishing the season made me question myself BIG TIMEEEE because tbh ..... I didn’t really see what the problem was as I was watching the show 😭
I didnt watch any trailers or promo vids before the show bc I didnt want to expect anything. so the first time I heard about Alina being half - shu was when she said it in the show — and TBHHH I was actually so happy (since I’m South East Asian) it was a pleasant surprise, I was like “omg I can relate to uu !! <33” kind of thing ya know.
After i watched it, I read the discussions on how they handled it and everything and I was worried bc I was still having such a hard time seeing what was so wrong about it,, I genuinely felt really bad at this point bc I was thinking like ... am I racist ?? Or am I actually contributing to racism and all that ?? soo I wanted to just share some of my thoughts here and if you actually finish reading this maybe like share some of your thoughts too ??
okok so hear we go — Alina being changed into half - shu didnt bother me at all, as I said earlier it was a nice surprise since it allowed me to relate to her more, i remember i even texted my friend bc i was so happy lmaooo (plus I thought it fit well since Jessie is actually half chinese).
About how the racism was ‘unnecessary’ since it’s a fictional world and all >> I get how they technically didn’t need to add it in — BUT... I kind of liked that they did add it ?? since it showed me that, oh you know she went through all of that, was discriminated against, etc. but was still able to do all the things she did and she didn’t let any of that stop her (I've finished the trilogy so I know how her story ends, assuming they stick to the books in later seasons lmao).
I mean tbh I even felt kinda better ? Hopeful even ?? My line of thinking was like “even the sun summoner faced some racism yet she was able to push through her journey !!” and all that ++ plus how she didn’t let it affect her — she even said, “don’t change my eyes” in that one scene which made me feel really proud for some reason.
about how they only centered the racism around Alina >> like how Jesper or Inej didn't really have to face any racism ++ and how it was all anti shu ..... again that didn’t rly bother me bc like ..... she’s kind of the main character ????? Not to say that the other characters stories don’t matter (lmao im not done w crooked kingdom yet but I already prefer their duology over the trilogy 😭🤚🏼) but given the fact that this particular adaptation of the story (or even season) is about Alina and Her experiences,, it’s kind of a given that the story will literally revolve around her and the challenges she faces ?????
the books obviously talked about what inej and the others went through + but that was because they had two books and individual chapters to flesh out their characters, plus we learned about their origins through a flashback type thing, it wasn’t a linear storyline.
This season had 8 episodes, so I really didn’t expect them to focus on their backstories since it's established that they’ve been working together for a while (the three crows, not Nina and Matthias). In the show, Alina has just discovered her powers = meaning her arc has just started.
lastly, about how it was unnecessary that Zoya was racist to Alina >> This one confused me a lot im ngl, because in the first book zoya does act like a lil bitch to Alina and everyone in the little palace — Marie and Nadia constantly talked shit abt her behind her back — bro even Genya didn’t like her lol — ALSO she even admitted to this in the second or third book right ?? So considering where her arc goes — I thought that this was obvious ?? she was meant to be disliked at first bc she literally has a redemption arc (AHHH don’t get me wrong here I loved zoya in the end pls shes so snarky ahidhshshs she a lil bitch but she owns it 😌😌 as she should)
I know she wasn’t outright racist to Alina in the books — but she was mean to her — *if I’m not wrong doesn’t she also whisper to Alina in front of the king about how she was an orphan peasant?* given the changes in the show, I thought it was understandable for her to treat her that way (not that it’s ok for anyone to be treated that way but you get the point right...) also idk if this counts but she does correct that one lady saying that Inej was suli and not whatever she originally said.
okk that’s all I can think of now, if you made it this far I wanna say thank uuu so much ily 🥰 ,, I know this was long I didnt think I had this much to say.
if you want then pleaseee share some of your thoughts 🤲🏼🤲🏼 i don’t want to subconsciously be a racist apologist or anything 😭😭 so I’m open to hearing what u have to say ++ also I’m really just wondering why I saw this so differently compared to everyone else ahshsjhdhs.
edit: ive only read the trilogy and six of crows so far. i havent had the time to start crooked kingdom or nikolai's books bc school :/ soo if youre gonna comment, please dont mention anything about crooked kingdom and anything after that !! huhu shhshshsa
SECOND EDIT: someone commented on this but i posted it accidentally and deleted the old one and didnt see their comment im gonna cry aaaaaa
#alina#shadow and bone#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone spoilers#shadow and bone racism#anti asian discrimination#asian#shu han#grishaverse#tw racism#tw anti Asian hate#racism#s&b#Alina starkov
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
rough furby fandom timeline
reminiscencing abt old furblr made me wanna revisit some of the changes we’ve seen over time! to give new people an idea of it, and also to spark discussion with older members, i joined in 2017 and i havent been as active as of 2019 so i cant speak of prior or after, but heres my thoughts
2017
fandom is still small, but growing
focus is on them as toys
lots of posts are guides on names of colors, or how to push start
2005s are not very popular, i saw someone struggle to sell 2 working ones just because their beaks were damaged
besides the pink ones, people really liked those
i also lost a bid war on an orange 2005 that ended up going for 50 bucks, do you understand the regret i feel
lots of furbys are cheap, furbys in general are cheap, besides the occasional person thinking their nib snowball is worth 300
rise of furbology (later furbae)
popular for owning a lot of furbys, and owning a very very roughed up frog furby called swampy
theres discourse abt drawing furbys with 4 feet
small nature of fandom means that discourse usually involves people everyone knows directly (furbyconfessions accidentally contributes to drama but some spin off accounts purposefully try and start it, furby discourse blogs are a thing)
small nature also means that a lot of people remember each others furbys by name
each furby usually has a personality attached to it too, describing things that furby tends to do more than others, or what its physical differences mean (like being mute)
furby brotherhood is the only furby discord server and it gains notoriety due to the lack of moderation but in my experience it was a really fun wild ride
customization is fairly limited to maybe drawing on freckles, accessories, eyechips (people were poking them out with needles), to my knowledge tracer was the first popular furby to have further customizing
furby blogs humour is very silly, lots of piss and vore jokes
customized furbys from ebay sellers are pretty widely disliked, usually because theyre the clay ones, or because theres a lady trying to pass off her customs as rare releases that never happened
people go out of their way to help each other find listings for their dreamies
2018
purity culture? in furblr? since a lot of people use furbys to cope (many many posts of people bringing them out in public, describing what they and their furbys did), theres a pressure for furby blogs to be happy safe places, safefurby tag to avoid swearing and other stuff is started?, and also to avoid hatred in the main tag
theres like, a 70% chance of anyone u interact with in the fandom being a 15 year old trans guy on the autism spectrum, similarities make it really easy to make friends
considering special interests also usually mean wanting to know as much as possible, there is a WELL of information still
rise in popularity also means a lot more information is found abt furbys, like prototypes, a new factory and more obscure merchandise
since a lot of people empathize with furbys, damaged or not completely working furbys start to go for higher prices than previously as people empathize with them
that one furby that was found in the desert (bumbleweed) gets REALLY popular
rise in customizing coincides with more stylization in how people draw furbys
whenever someone comes up with a new idea u’d see a lot of it in the next week
like stuffing a furby to make them fat, that one took OFF
painting fur and also furby patterns to sew own skins creates a strange demand for just the furbys faceplate
furbys start to get strange names, like hot dog water
fall of furbae as shes revealed as a scammer among other reasons
crap ton of new furby discords are started, for specific topics, or just to avoid brotherhood despite them having a completely new mod team (im a little biased)
theres a still a large overlap in furblr with animatronic and other toy robot blogs
an age of really creative stuff tho, content was constantly evolving
oddbodies are a controversial addition to customizing, longfurby wasnt the first, but i do remember a lot of people taking the faces off of plushes and adding a furby face instead
before they were called oddbodies some people were really uncomfortable with them, but people also didnt like their furby friends being tagged bodyhorror, so oddbody was a good compromise
people were calling dibs on listings before, but its more widespread here, even though you cant call dibs on an open listing
furby prices go through the roof oh my god
kid cuisines especially, i saw more than one person pay 600
2005s go up in price too
oddbodies also caused rise in price on furby buddies
2019
mainstream success?
customization and oddbodies seems to the fandoms focus?
customization starts to overtake previous guides to the point where i see newbies struggle to find information
Plushification
First plush ones have clay eyes, later ones add in the eyes of the original furbys
Some controversy over taking apart furbys
popularity from within and outside of the community further effects prices
since 2012s are both really common, and not popular their prices seem pretty unaffected (besides rainbow crystals)
at this point i think people are taking their furbys out with them less, and i see less people make stories abt what they and their furbys did that day
customization trends were really really cool to watch happen, but since my reasons for being in furblr was the community nature of it, i have a lot less information for 2019 as i was less active in the fandom
and for 2020, i have nothing! so essentially this is me asking, what was 2019 and 2020 furblr for u like? did i remember any older stuff wrong? whats some stuff u wouldve included or have questions about?
172 notes
·
View notes
Note
How do you think people in the zones deal with disabilities??
it’ll really really vary imo. “disabilities” covers a huuuuuuge umbrella so i dont wanna generalize too hard. however i think as a whole theres a lot more acceptance of that kinda thing than there would be in battery city.
cw: discussion of in-universe ableism
--------
the zones have had war living in them for god knows how long. the analog wars were definitely fought in or around the zones in canon, and we dont know how long ago that was. and war is a pretty grisly thing. war vets from the analogs are gonna be carrying around serious injuries like missing limbs or bad hearing or chronic pain. nerve damage from burn wounds. blind from too many blitzes going off in their faces. so i think its not really out of the ordinary to see people who lived through the wars to have missing hands or needing prosthetics, etc. and since living in the zones is a pretty rough life, i dont think itd be too far out of left field to think that killjoys and zonerunners who live out there post-war might have to deal with that kinda thing too.
we do have a little basis for what the attitude for this might be in canon. canonically dr death defying (who imo is criminally underrated) is in a wheelchair and has a leg brace and a big deals never really made out of it. he mentions losing his legs in the wars in the comics and then hurting his leg in the listening party, but thats about it. no one else comments on it. while being physically fit and able-bodied might be a boon in the zones, i dont think it is a necessity the way that, say, battery city would consider it to be.
battery city’s general take on disabilities, as far as i can perceive it, has more to do with appearances. they dont really give a fuck about whether youre actually doing better and recovering and improving. they want you to function in society. they want you to look “normal” and fit into their preconceived notions of what is acceptable. hence why their medications, i think, are such a bad tactic - theyre not trying to treat anyones illnesses. theyre just trying to eliminate the symptoms that they deem to be unpleasant, uncomfortable, or not Useful to the better living machine. their priority isnt making you happy/healthy, its making you more objectively useful to their capitalist dystopian hell.
now ofc theres gonna be jerks in the zones and outliers but by and large the feeling of “community” and “accommodation” is gonna be better than what youd get in the city imo. like for example if you get your leg blown off at the knee, there are a probably few junkpunks in the zones you can find who can piece together a prosthetic out of droid parts and scrap metal. i like to think the zones have their own sign language dialect - ive touched on that before in some of my works, though i havent ever really elaborated on what that is. its not straight up ASL though, it is very much its own zone-specific variant of sign language. i imagine that it’s commonplace enough for it not to be too weird - especially among older generations of killjoys who might have had war buddies who were deaf or hard of hearing, or are themselves.
in my read on the universe i have a lot of zone-rats who are wandering around with prosthetic legs and stuff and that’s not really out of the ordinary so much. also a ton of zonerunners who gotta deal with the long-term effects of living in such an irradiated part of the world (nine-volt rocket and haywire from jet’s backstory both had to deal with the terminal repercussions of this, and this was seen as pretty much standard as far as jet was concerned). poison’s a little surprised to see prosthetics but they’ve got a more limited exposure to the zones compared to almost everyone else in the fab four except kobra. a few canon characters have prosthetics and such too, though i haven’t gotten into that just yet so i’m not gonna say which ones. yall might be able to figure that out though lol
now when we get into psychological disabilities, thats a lot more of a gray area. i suspect a lot of zone mentality settles into “just fukcin cope with it bud” cause i imagine there are a lot of anti-medication mindsets and people Paranoid about pharmacological solutions due to better living industries being What They Are. which kinda sucks tbh cause medication can be a great thing for navigating bad brain stuff and also for handling chronic/terminal conditions. thats a hard line for me to walk personally, cause i do not wanna demonize medication out of universe but i recognize that, in universe, that mentality is probably gonna be pretty common, which sucks.
so my general take on it is that the attitudes in the zones are generally more accommodating of disabilities of all kinds, but low resources might make it hard to actually find suitable accommodations. depending on the era/part of the desert that youre in, youll either see a lot of community in the zones and people who dont mind helping you out, or youll just have to....Handle it on your own or pay someone to give a shit for you (i.e., i suspect the desert was way more unified when the fabulous four were at their peak and way more fractured after the analog wars happened, and so on).
i know im probably overlooking a lot wrt diversity in disabilities here. if other people with more knowledge in this area wanna chip in, please do!!
#ask#anon#danger days#ableism mention#*spec#idk what else to tag. lmk if you want me to add anything else#id written poisons pov first so i hadnt nailed down what the zones were like yet lol#so that inconsistency is definitely there#theyre like :o!!! a CYBORG#when that really is not all that uncommon lmao
54 notes
·
View notes
Note
she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do? throw herself onto a pyre? is she not allowed to feel lousy that this whole thing blew up in her face? because she's an adult and she made a mistake, she's not allowed to be sad or stressed? she's still an imperfect human. apologizing immediately usually means people are still sensitive to their own hurt of being called out because it's fresh and on their mind so it tends to slip into their apology, but if she had waited any longer to compose herself, you guys would probably have an issue with how long she took. also, in aaaaaallll of this, I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic? I've read her fic and I personally can't see anything wrong, although I will admit that yes, I'm a white ciswoman but I'd like to think I'm aware of negative tropes. but the only thing touted is "it made an mlm uncomfortable" but HOW??? honestly, I want to know! if anything so I can avoid doing the same thing! how is anyone meant to learn when you're not bringing up these points as often as you're explicitly laying out the problems in her apology and whatnot. I've seen 6 posts about how shit the apology was and for why and I've not once seen the original comment detailing why the fic was problematic, and I've been looking on twit, tumblr, insta, and ao3. if it's been deleted, why isn't anyone stating again and again what's wrong? also, if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it. there's one artist that's pretty popular on Twitter and I personally really hate they way they draw klance but it's all over my tl. I respect that person's art style and creativeness and keep on moving. other people enjoy it, good for them. and if I start reading something and get surprised with something I dont like, I leave! find people who write things you like and stop engaging with creators who's things you don't like, as far as I know no one is holding a gun to your head making you read problematic fic. also for as much as you rag on her for the words she used to apologize, you don't seem to be considering your own words when offering criticism. if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully? lastly, no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way (like you should do when it come to kl content creators you don't like). people sending hate in Taylor's defense are in the wrong I agree, and this isn't hate its critism its a discussion, but Taylor isn't responsible for, how many people did you say? 16k on twit? even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense. I see so many younger fans expecting perfection in their fandoms and that just isn't going to happen. yes we should be striving to be better but no one is ever going to be perfect. not you, not me, not the mlm person, not Taylor, not anyone on any side of this argument. the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.- 🦛
she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do?
im pretty sure i said its good that she realizes she handled it poorly. but she makes the whole apology about this, doesnt directly talk about the issues and i know someone went to her to talk about it. also, it took her a day to say something about it so it wasnt exactly immediate (in the sense people had already stopped talking about it but that doesnt mean they werent still bothered). the apology was directed at mlm, and i havent seen one saying it felt genuine. of couse she can be hurt but when you apologize to a marginalized group the focus shouldnt be your feelings, but the feelings of the ones you have hurt.
I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic?
she admits to be projecting on lance. so she makes him very femine and keith very masculine. and ok, gay couples like that do exist, but she is a woman projecting in this situation so this bothers people. putting mlm in this position is a harmful steriotype, bc it feels very heterosexual. this is a trope, it unfortunately happens a lot and its harmful. women need to be aware of what they are representing when drawing/writing mlm because well, real mlm are going to see it, and no one likes to feel like a fetish to others. and its not our place to question if the criticism is right or wrong when we are not mlm, so if you read this and think “but thats not a problem thats not a fetish etc” well, its not your place to judge that. theres more to it and you probably could get a better answer from a mlm sorry.
if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it.
please, lets not compare a minority pointing out harmful tropes with. something fucking illegal.
as you said, you are a cis woman, of course its not going to hurt you in this case. but if people are making harmful content its not a simple matter of “dont interact with it” because they will still be promoting it, other people are going to read it, and media influences how we see minorities so of course people will not like when they see bad portrayal of them. also, tumblr sucks so even if you want to just “dont interact with it” its hard because even after blocking you can still cross the content of someone. not sure how it works on twitter but anyway this discussion started on tumblr and tumblr doesnt stop people who were bothered by her to avoid her by blocking.
if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully?
i think she deleted the ask by now, but i dont remember the ask being hateful. i remember someone asking if she was a fujoshi, and another person mentioned that mlm didnt like the way she portrayals klance. i dont remember it being hateful. but again, she apologized for handling it badly. its just that she stops there.
no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way
ignoring world issues is a privilege. if someone is able to turn off from all the problems in the world, its a privilige. yes no one should talk aobut it all the time thats not even healthy, but to never talk about it is a privilege. thats what black people are saying, they cant just turn off from racism, so yes they are going to expect white people to do something. online honestly i cant do shit, i dont think anything i reblog here does a difference and i do what i can in my own country, but she has a plataform that could help bring awareness. again, its a privilege to be able to curate your social media to be a perfect happy place.
even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense.
maybe they wouldnt, but if people were doing this type of thing in my name, in my defense, i would at least say something about it idk. she cant control them but she makes nothing to show that she disagrees or look for the people being harassed to say something about it.
the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.
when it comes to simple things like “i prefer taller lance and i dont like taller keith” yeah, its fine to ignore people who draw taller keith and move on with your life or something like that. but we are talking about mlm, a real group of people, being upset for being portrayed in a harmful and steriotype way. its everywhere in fandom, and in real life. they cant escape from real life, and then they come to fandom where everyone wants some escapism and have to deal with more issues. its tiring
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i just so deeply believe (and im right) that capitalism and putting a best face forward destroys art and also your will to want to create. the things that people make, that most people know about, become popular because industries pick people they know will comply, or need money, or are naive enough to think they can get what they want.
there’s no reason productions should be that expensive and draining on crew members (i care less about actors bc i am a crew member and guess what actors just sit around all day sorry not sorry and i was one :P) but i always say: the little progress we make, is it really progressive? transgressive?
and how could it be? how could it b ewhen companies refuse to relinquish themselves and break themselves up into parts. a web series could give people so much more freedom, but that is a whole lot more of a difficulty. i’ve made my own shorts (that i hate) and said what i wanted to say and even the pressure from how my school would receive it fucked up my psyche.
and it takes so long for people who refuse to be stifled and be obsessed with this capitalist nightmare to get their shit released. if they get really popular still theyre not rolling in money (as they should not be) but they struggle to get shit together bc it’s harder to work with someone whose vision is opposed to this white supremacist garbage nightmare.
i have a theory about parasite which is that SK has a totally different history with labor and capital than my country (US) does and it was done with that in mind and as an ttack on imperialism very clearly. that movie is not without its flaws, which can be discussed, but to date next to sorry to bother you which i havent seen it’s pretty much the most antagonistic film about that subject i’ve seen in a while.
and in SK there’s tons of queer cinema (i may be exaggerating) but a lot of it is very gritty or uncomfortable (i am going to try and find this list my friend made of good sk queer cinema i think? or just n gen) and western gay shit is so popular overseas bc there’s a plethora of (BAD OR ANNOYING MOVIES I HATE CAROL) to go off of and see. a lot of international lesbians, for ex, really are into like hwood gay films or some shit bc that’s also what they can access and consume (let’s not get started on that fuckin dichotomy of man/woman but w/e)
i wish i could be more cheerful and positive. it’s not that i don’t want to have fun or escape or watch these shows, in fact i do, and there’s legitimate shock when you see sth like ITSAY and it’s a beautiful cinematic experience. oh and on top of that i hate most TV and most TV is trash and films are better. imo ITSAY is like a movie split.
why do we keep having hope in these systems? what i want in the future, because theyre not going away, is for more corps to reach out to collectives and diff types of filmmakers or artists and support them without making them stick to a contract and not do what they want. UNFORTUNATELY that’s really not how anyone feels like working.
in my belief, at a time like right now, we have to be clear about not accepting austerity from the relief and to not fall into the trap of advancement via cultural artifacts. it’s bullshit—we fight against it. that doesn’t mean we can’t get excited when shows have things to say but i refuse to withhold critique because it’s so necessary in every piece
btw there’s this filmmaker called Park Kyoung Mi and though she’s married to this irish dude (who i think is like a professor of social theory idk) she was an AD to park chan wook (also a socialist) and a great filmmaker. in each of her works there’s a focus on women and queer themes of women and teens and their isolation and subsequent connections with each other. how men let them down, how you have to band together, the scariness of growing up. she made this miniseries for netflix called “school nurse files.” SNF was a book, it was written by a woman and its about desire, loss, and conformity, particularly for teenagers. there’s lots of queer themes and adult themes that make it so we understand the precious lives of teenagers and how they need love and guidance instead of being shunned and pit against each other.
it’s one of my favorite miniseries. netflix has this habit of picking up shows and telling NO ONE about them or very little advertising (it’s diff for south korean shows i think since a lot of production companies may come on board) and then canceling them. it is for a LEGIT reason which is MONEY!!!! but the director said she said yes bc she was given complete control and without it she would refuse. she also said she couldn’t get work or was feeling like the work she was doing was terrible (and in the reviews of the show or explanations about her it was always beginning with “PCW’s protege”) but she almost quit bc the pressure hrut and whittled at her
atp we need to take advantage of these systems if we have things to say and not let them take advantage of us. unfortunately, the opposite happens because people need work, have things to say whethere they’re shallow or not, and CONSTANT production means work and BS. this is how i feel about pretty much all industry and i’m the least critical of BL as opposed to say, kpop, or uhhhhhhhhh any celebrity ever bc it DOES have an edge over others but it’s an edge that they can barely fucking reach for or do well with.
nothing and i mean nothing abou oversaturation and constant production will yield results that are going to be radical and “good” bc we’re approaching things ass backwards. the norm isn’t the ones that hurt you, the ones that stay with you, the ones that mean something. the norm is the bullshit you have to parse through. and even for things that do a great job of storytelling they still have their flaws or still have to buy into a system eventually, if the work calls for it, that they would long to eschew
if anyone sees this read this profile on arthur jafa, a prolific DP who i got the pleasure of seeing live AYYYY, and what he has to say. he left filmmaking then came back on his own terms and frankly i believe that’s just...what we have to do if we want to make a better world. that’s just me personally but this is my counterbalance to a fallacy that a work is revolutionary when it has zero intention of being so or will lie about its intention to save itself
this piec is called ARTHUR JAFA’S RADICAL ALIENATION and it reminds me of all the artists—particularly thai—i’ve seen that have had this radical alienation or refuse to water down their message and people will deal
i present one of my fav pieces i’ve read frm the past year (it’s from 2014 but i read it end of 2019 when i was questioning me future) Radical Art is an Act of Uncompromising Passionate Resistance
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
In response to PR, Lucy and Rami
Since another post directly referencing mine has been going around I’d thought I’d just clear up one of two points I guess I hadn’t well enough the first time around.
One I like Lucy and Rami both very much. If they are now dating or end up dating I’d be very happy. The man is 38 years old he deserves life partner or wife. And Lucy does too because we all deserve to be happy and loved. I shall never ever in a million years get the chance to meet or date either of them so why should I hate them if they are together? Why be jealous? if Lucy is the one than good she doesn’t seem like a bad or evil person she just seems highly career driven. Just like Rami was in his youth but when a woman show cases that we tend to cast her in a negative light that we don’t on men. That was the motivation for my post but I felt in order to express that I also needed to share what I have come to believe is the truth. Which is that the relationship is or mostly has been a PR stunt. Not talking about that fact felt wrong to me.
The reason for the PR stunt I gave was the nicest out of the three. Which was award season a little googling should explain that or maybe in the future I’ll write a non Rami related cliff notes post on how award season works in Hollywood and the millions of dollars that go into it and why. Because Oscars are still star makers and cash cows ( Bri Larson, Octavia spencer A24, Weinstein anyone) There are two other rumors flying but I don’t feel like they have enough ground or proof to bother writing about.
I came under fire for posting this as it was viewed as an attack on both actors privacy. Which depending on your definition of a public figure could very well be true. I’d normally agree 100% with that poster on this fact. It’s why I’ve with held my knowledge on their relationship and the PR rumors under wraps for sometime and the word in Hollywood till they made it quite clear that they are out in the public like this together and those public actions and comments in blogs,red Carpet interviews and speeches can be discuss and used as a point of reference. When you sit court side though you can get free tickets for more private places you want to be seen and don’t want privacy.
As for breaking rami’s privacy about the PR stunt it’s kinda all over and joked at among those close to a certain part of his inner circle. There isn’t much privacy left to be had. Why do you think almost right after it seemed like they were dating that there was a huge surge in people claiming it’s PR. No one claimed that when it Timmee and Lily Rose because Hollywood had known they were dating for months. No one within a ten foot radius of there social circle was shocked because it had always been tastefully known. There was no doubt they were a real couple. People date their co stars all the time and PR stunt rumors never spread because there is no grounds for it. It’s a when there is smoke their is fire moment and so far none of the smoke has cleared it’s only gotten thicker.
His acting coach ( current or former haven’t gotten a clear answer on that) is openly talking about it with many. If anyone has betrayed rami’s privacy it’s her. But maybe she didn’t really because maybe it’s not a secret Rami is too hot on keeping as it’s spread pretty far and the PR team is making basic moves. Play book moves on all of it. Their biggest mistake was the golden globes mini melt down which they’ve been correcting ever since.
As for why the press doesn’t ask about if it’s PR stunt? Oh my word. You do know how press for actors work right? It’s not journalists actors speak with. Their talking heads. Literally that’s what they are not so nicely referred to as because that’s their job. reps pick the questions. Anyone who is going to interview an actor is sent a list of no go questions and then submits their questions back so the actor can prep their answer. Why else do you think Live Aid is the main talking point of so many interviews? It’s been preplaned to be brought up. Also most of those people respect their guests and don’t want to shame them or make them uncomfortable by bringing up stuff they’ve been asked not to. It also a nice safety net if they get internet shamed for not asking questions. I couldn’t I was given orders not too.
So why doesn’t an interviewer break the rules? If you’re Ellen you can if you are a smaller red carpet person you get black balled. That PR team is never going on to let you speak to anyone of their stars again.
As for the London bffta comment which got mentioned in regards to my post rami is filming doctor doo little - or parts of it in London and possibly James Bond mostly at Pinewood in London. That sounds like a good reason especially given how much more layer back unhollywood like London is. Lucy could be a reason or it could be practical business investment most actors buy places where they film and then rent them out or make them over and sell them for a much higher price ( Angela Jolie’s Budapest short lived Budapest rel estates love affair anyone)
Look was my making the post or even the post the smartest choice of my life no. But the lack of understanding around Hollywood especially when it’s so easy to read the trades and follow key people on Twitter kills me.
So yes people of the internet doubt me. I am hidden behind a screenname and while I’ve made cases no solid proof has been offered. All I can encourage you to do if you want to argue or are curious is do research. Or better yet ask yourself what you are using to say if they are a couple or not. Or what you define as privacy. Or why you don’t like Lucy or don’t like rami or hate Hollywood. Think study learn and don’t consider not speaking on the internet till you can make sound well rounded response otherwise you are just adding to the noise.
And on a bottom bottom note time will tell us more about their relationship. How often she visits the mr robot set or hangs in New York how much he flies back to London over the 3 months after his Oscar win will let us know.
No they won’t break up right after. There will be a post Oscar honeymoon phase for at least a month and then Lucy is will slowly start a social media rebranding of sorts. Showing more of her life and career than she had before and rumors of power moves and the roles she is up for and in talks for will poor in. Then after about 3 months nothing 6 months they don’t be dating but with probably only one or two vague stories of them growing apart - but how successful they are either on E! Or entertainment tonight.
If none of the above follows then I was wrong and my sources mislead or mistaken and I shall be the first to congratulate Lucy and rami and cheers their loyalshippers. Because none of this is an attack against them it’s about the bs we force on movie stars as fans and what the industry does to them.
And on a petty note of this level of breaking down Hollywood and explaining all that I have at a university level with years of experience on this matter sounds like a 12 year old crap post out of jealousy to you then why are you on the tumblr fighting for moviestars honor when you clearly are too brilliant for the likes of this? Just saying that was a really dump attack against me and my credibility t - go on correct my English it’s not my first language nor my second.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Unrelated Fic
Greetings from the Leviathan!
...or from the hovel im hiding in wishing another book’s coming out
I’ve been talking to fans of the series and its so nice to still be receiving asks! You give a decrepit old fandom hag hope. Since you’ve all been such peaches I’ve made y’all a gift completely free of charge! what was that? we havent been charging them? Damnit silv you had one job
ANYHOO i’d like to present: Homecoming
“Well, what is it?” Dylan asked through a mouthful of toast, seeming less interested with his newspaper upon noticing Alek’s expression.
“Its from the Czech Ministry of Culture,” Alek said slowly, “About Konopischt.”
From the way Dylan expected more information, Alek assumed this was one of those occasions where the German language sounded like a sneeze in English.
“It was my father’s castle, where I lived before the war,” He explained.
Comprehension dawned on Dylan’s face momentarily before twisting again in confusion.
“What does the Czech Ministry of Culture care about Kono-spich?” he asked, butchering the pronunciation as usual, “And why would they tell you about it?”
Reading the letter further Alek skimmed through the dense honorifics and pleasantries until he found the intrigue of the letter.
“Oh.” Alek said finally, “…Apparently I own it.”
There was some silence as Alek tried deciphering the legal jargon, it seemed the author of the letter had made it hard to read on purpose.
“They want me to surrender the property to the Czech State, I believe.”
“But didn’t you already do that?” Dylan asked, rising to circle behind his chair and read over Alek’s shoulder, “What with the whole chucking your letter into the ocean in the name of true love or whatever.”
Alek snorted at this, but shook his head.
“Konopischt was technically my father’s vacation home, it did not belong to the Austrian government,” He explained, “And here it says…something to do with a treaty following the Great War…yes, apparently its mine now.”
It was all a bit baffling, really. Contrary to what Alek might have believed, being a Prince wasn’t such a worthless title after all. Even if he had abdicated his right to the throne, there were certain things he supposed there were bound to be heirlooms that had nothing to do with his royalty.
“Hrm,” Dylan mumbled, “Do they say anything about a compensation?”
He squinted at the letter, looking for a sum of money.
Upon noticing how Alek looked at him he shrugged, “The boiler’s going to be bust by spring, I know it. We need to start saving.”
“I don’t think the monetary value of Konopischt is equal to the cost of a boiler, Dylan,” Alek said.
“Well maybe we can get a really nice one,” Dylan replied after some thought.
“Well, it looks like they want me to donate it in any case,” He said, “Though you’re right, we could use the money.”
Dylan nodded, “Want me to write my uncle? He’s good at haggling.”
The ludicrous picture of Dylan’s portly Uncle Paulie taking the day off from his barbershop to argue with the Czech State over the estate of a royal family briefly came to mind before Alek dismissed it.
“I don’t think he’d be used to this kind of transaction,” Alek said, “Besides, I doubt he speaks the language.”
Dylan shrugged and went back to his tea, then seemed to realize something. “You can’t keep it, Alek.” He said, “We’d never go there, even with the war over. And it’s a barking castle right? How much would it cost to maintain?”
“We certainly wouldn’t have any money left over for a boiler,” Alek agreed, “Or a house, for that matter.”
Dylan’s hand reached across the table, but Alek retracted his own.
“I know I can’t keep it Dylan,” he said, “But it feels wrong just selling it.”
“That’s what’s practical Alek,” Dylan said softly, “You don’t just inherit something worth so much every day.”
This was true, Alek had to admit. If he had been taught anything by those first five years employed in the society, it was how important it was to keep a stable net worth. But still, it had been his home, surely Dylan could understand that? Immediately Alek shook the thought from his head. It wasn’t about convincing Dylan, it was about doing what was responsible for himself.
“Perhaps I could just…go there…” Alek finally asked, “Just to see it before I…”
“Sell it,” Dylan provided, “And aye, I’d think you’d have a right to that. Say you want to check for damages or something.”
Alek felt too pensive to explain that giving his family home over to the Czech State would be nowhere near the same as reselling an automobile. Studying the letter again, his eyes glanced up to Dylan’s face.
“Would you come with me?” he asked, making him choke on his tea.
“I don’t know any more about Czech property value then Paul,” Dylan said, “Besides, the Boffins are planning some expedition to the Kamchatka Peninsula next year, and Wormwood says he’s looking to determine who will be promoted. If that bumrag Roger gets it I’ll never live it down.”
“Its not about your haggling abilities, Dylan,” Alek said looking to him, “I just…want you to be there with me, if that makes sense.”
Dylan’s mouth opened, studied him for a moment, then closed.
“Aye. Perfect sense.” Dylan said softly, “I ‘spose if we went in December I could be back in time…”
A warm smile spread across Alek’s face, causing the boy to blush.
“Someone’s got to keep you out of trouble, aye?” He added haughtily, to which Alek nodded in agreement.
Dylan didn’t know what he had expected, really. What little he knew about fancy places like these came from memories of Buckingham Palace, Hearst’s Estate, and his brief experience with the castle Alek intended to hide out in for the war. Between them Dylan had an amalgamated image in his mind of where Prince Aleksander Ferdinand of Hohenberg might have spent his time learning French and which fork to use. For some reason he imagined it full of sweeping libraries and portraits of grumpy Clankers staring disapprovingly down at the poor boy as he quietly pretended he didn’t exist. The display they were met with upon arrival, however, was anything but.
Kono-spit-hickey was nothing short of beautiful, nestled in thick green trees overlooking the town below with pristine white bricks and rust-red roof tiling. It looked more like an illustration from a fairytale then any royal accommodations Dylan was familiar with, and upon seeing the inside he found it anything but stuffy and old fashioned.
The interior seemed almost timeless with its pale blue and white arches and delicate pink walls, Dylan half expected the clerk who greeted them to sport a powdered wig in accompaniment to a harpsichord. Instead they were met by a man who bobbed his head politely and lead them through a hallway obscenely decorated with mantled stag’s antlers.
When ‘Deryn’ went back to Ma’s house he knew to expect the stench of the cats mingled with cooking smells and the rusty boiler even before opening the door, but this place seemed so clean and immaculate. How could someplace so cold and perfect be anyone’s home? The beauty and grace of the place was alien and uncomfortable to Dylan, and as always in such places he was eager to be finished with this little tour.
Despite this, Alek seemed to feel the weight of his connection here. His eyes would glance about and fix on portraits and pieces of art, that old sadness emerging after years of being hidden. When he realized they were being directed to a study, a study that had likely once belonged to Alek’s father, Dylan risked reaching for Alek’s hand.
Public displays of affection were almost always out of the question, but surely there was nothing indecent about an old friend showing his support with a gentle squeeze of the fingers. They were lead into a little room and offered chairs politely, it was awkward for everyone when Alek didn’t let go of Dylan’s hand as they sat.
As per their agreement Dylan didn’t involve himself in the conversation, thick with formalities and mentions of strange names he didn’t even recognize it as German at first. He did perk up uncomfortably at the mention of a ‘herrin’ and looked determinately at the floor as Alek politely explained he did not have a wife.
Even so Dylan was a veteran in this situations, and the situation seemed to demand he snatch his hand away lest he resemble a young master’s pet poofter. From there on Dylan pretended to be interested in the conversation, up until talk of Alek’s decision as heir.
“You see, young master, there really is no reason for you not to donate the estate. The Ministry will keep the house in order as your late father would have wanted, and with your current position you are in no state to care for it yourself.”
At this there was a pointed glance at Dylan, and Dylan realized that had he not miraculously recovered from his untimely death this sort of thing might have been Deryn Hohenberg’s responsibility.
“I understand this, Herr Müller,” Alek responded, “But you have not said what the ministry plans to do here.”
There seemed to be some history between Alek and this Müller, as he obviously held some superiority over the boy. Still, Alek stood his ground and insisted upon staying and discussing every little aspect of this transaction, eventually agreeing Alek was owed some small compensation.
Dylan realized too late that he was too quick to rise when thinking the discussion over. Upon being fixed with Müller’s glare he slowly sunk back into his chair and irritably bounced his leg. These people were so barking twitchy.
Finally, finally they were released and lead away from the study. Once out of earshot Alek’s fist began to shake, an angry expression Dylan had never seen on him before crossing his features.
“How can he just sit there? At my father’s desk? When he was only a housekeeper.”
Dylan was about to try and open that can of worms when a maid interrupted them.
“Shall I prepare your room, young master?” she asked politely, head respectfully bowed.
Alek blinked at this, before glancing sideways at Dylan. They had already made accommodations at an inn in town, neither of them considered the idea of sleeping in the actual chateau.
“Aye, you should,” Dylan spoke up suddenly, “Thank you.”
The maid bowed her head and retreated, leaving Alek to glance questionably at Dylan.
“Um…” Dylan sighed and rubbed his neck, “You come back here to say goodbye. I don’t think you just wanted to see that bumrag in your Da’s study and leave did you?”
Alek shook his head and sighed, “No, I suppose not.”
Dylan probably should have shown more humility when he snorted at the offer of his own room, but managed to make something up about wanting to stay in town.
It didn’t really occur to Dylan that the room they were staying in was the place Alek grew up in until he spotted his expression. It was the very same look Dylan wore himself when the Mazikeen lifted off, or when he stepped through the front door of their townhouse after months in the air.
This place was really important to Alek, wasn’t it?
The boy crossed over to a desk and ran his hands over the polished wood, reaching for the drawer twice only to hold back for whatever reason.
“This was where I was,” he said after some time, “I was sitting here…when Volger came to take me away.”
The melancholy in Alek’s voice tugged at Dylan’s gut as he came up behind him.
“Nothing changed,” Alek marveled, “Everything here is exactly as it was before...”
Again Alek’s voice went hard, causing Dylan to retract his hand.
“I half expect to be called to dinner with my parents…everything is so similar…” Finally he seemed to notice Dylan beside him and cracked a small smile, “Except…well. You’re here, Dylan.”
Alek stepped close and wrapped his arms around Dylan, resting his chin on his shoulder, “Thank you for coming,” he said quietly into his ear.
Dylan smiled but pushed him off anyway. Can never tell with these fancy places, whose watching.
“Don’t mention it,” he said with a platonic punch to the shoulder, “I’m glad I was able to see where you came from.”
Alek chuckled darkly. “In a way, this is where everything came from.”
“How do you mean?”
Alek rubbed his arms and looked around.
“When my father gave up the throne he left the royal palace in disgrace. He came to live here with my mother apart from the rest of the family, completely isolated to keep my identity hidden. That isolation lead to their murder, so in a way…” he sighed and looked back to Dylan, “…This is where the war came from as well.”
Dylan frowned at this absurd reasoning, he had assumed Alek was done with that sort of thinking. But there was a bit of logic in it, Dylan supposed. Dr. Barlow said that the Great War would be remembered for generations to come as one of the greatest conflicts of modern man, and this castle hidden in a thicket of trees could represent all of it in a manner of speaking. Maybe that was why Müller and the Ministry of Culture wanted to reclaim it so badly, so they could sweep their dirty history under the rug. It didn’t seem right, erasing Alek’s past for the sake of saving face. Perhaps that’s why Alek was so twitchy.
“Alek,” Dylan asked slowly, “Don’t suppose its proper to show me around?”
Alek looked up, momentarily distracted by his thoughts. Dylan smirked at his puzzled glance.
“How’s about you pay me back for visiting Glasgow last Spring?”
The memory of ‘Deryn’s family tittering and swooning over Alek while describing in uncomfortable detail every daft thing he had done as a child still made him wince. It was about time he got some dirt on him as well.
Alek returned his smile shyly, similarly to how he would back when they first met.
“I’m afraid you wont find any pictures of me as a boy,” He admitted, “I’ve never posed for portraits, and my aunt believed camera’s corrupt the soul.”
The scowl Dylan wore was entirely for Alek’s benefit. Seeing it he brightened and wander to her.
“Though I see no issue with giving you a tour, seeing as I do own the place.”
At this Dylan snorted, then smirked and offered his arm. Alek only rolled his eyes, but there was humor in the shove to Dylan’s shoulder. Together they left the bedroom and Alek lead Dylan down hallways so fine and fancy they made his skin crawl.
When they came to a hall filled with armor and swords Dylan had to resist not laughing outright. It was something right out of a moving picture, a villainous castle damsels were so often rescued from.
From there Alek showed him a shooting gallery, saloon, and attempted to get him out in the gardens but was sorely rejected. He even made a point of showing off the elevator, apparently it had been a new invention Klopp had installed when Alek was a lad. Dylan was baffled by this, the apartments in Glasgow all had elevators without any kind of fuss. It was somewhat humorous that for all its elegance, most fine estates were damn inconvenient.
Just as Dylan was beginning to wonder when Alek might also prefer a bit of friendly alone time they came across a sitting room with a collection of paintings hung about the walls. Dylan wanted to be done with the stuffy room, reminded of tea parties Dr. Barlow made him sit through as an apprentice, but found Alek stiff when he tried to pull him away.
Following his gaze, Dylan’s eyes rested upon a large portrait that hung above the fireplace depicting a man and woman posing elegantly together. Between Alek’s solemn gaze and the ornate frame Dylan could put two and two together. He squinted up at Alek’s parents, noticing they looked older then the teenagers in Alek’s locket watch. It must have been easier to look at those smaller pictures, so young they didn’t feel like parents at all, but the man and woman staring down at them probably were as Alek had seen them last. Something in Dylan tried to find their son in each of their faces, more difficult on his father’s side due to the mustache.
It was awkward, all of a sudden. Awkward to think that these people had once really existed in this fancy place, that he was now in their home latched to their son’s arm. With a pang of humiliation, Dylan found himself wondering what they’d think of him.
Not very highly, he’d reckon.
If anyone understood how a prince could fall for a commoner it was Alek’s parents, but that didn’t change the fact Dylan was far from what they likely imagined for him. Even if they forgave the common blood, the trousers, swearing, and other general transvestisms might be a bit much. Stubbornly Dylan told himself that of course he’d wear a skirt in front of them if they were alive, just the same as he did with his own ma, but then remembered that if they were alive he and Alek would have never met. Furthermore, Alek would probably be an archduke by now, readying himself to be emperor. That was something to ponder.
“I…don’t think I can give this place up, Dylan.” Alek said, shaking him from his thoughts.
Dylan turned his head, eyes wide and mouth hung open ready to protest, but was interrupted before he could.
“I don’t intend to keep it to myself, but I cant just let this place disappear. Its too…influential.”
That was true enough. Hundreds of years from now people would read about the Great War and ponder about the family tragedy that started it all. Just like Fountain’s Abbey, Dylan could imagine a future historian willing to kill to stand here now.
“Well, maybe that’s the answer then,” Dylan said absently.
“What do you mean?” Alek asked, turning to face him.
“I’m just thinking,” Dylan went on, “Why not donate to some historical society that’d preserve it? If this is really the metaphorical birthplace of the war, then perhaps is should be preserved by people who’ll see the value in remembering what exactly it stood for.”
For long minutes Alek’s expression was unreadable, Dylan thought about taking the comment back, but then he slowly nodded.
“Yes…that…that’s exactly what I want.” He said, “I think that’s what Father would have wanted as well. Let this place be a reminder to everyone, what lengths some people will go to for violence and greed, and why we should continue to advocate for peace.”
And for a moment Dylan felt himself transported back to the first months of knowing this boy. Seeing the sadness in his eyes shift to determination, Dylan thought for once that maybe this aspect of his ‘destiny’ was more suited to him. Even still, Dylan didn’t want him to go back to thinking he had to somehow apologize for the war, his own existence being what supposedly started it.
“Should we go tell that Müller bumrag to get stuffed then?” Dylan asked, hoping to brighten his mood.
It worked, a smile spread across his lips in moments.
“Yes, but perhaps tomorrow. Its been a long time since I’ve been here…” Something dawned on him, and he brought a quizzical finger to his chin, “I wonder if I can find my toy soldier collection…”
Dylan hung back, watching him as he marched determinately away dumbfounded.
“Your what?”
“Your what?”
#deryn sharp#aleksander#aleksander hohenberg#prince aleksander hohenberg#Leviathan Trilogy#leviathan series#Scott Westerfeld#dalek
41 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
hilangarahh
Kehilangan Arah
pastelart126
Pastelart 🎨🖌️🌠
cinnamon-squid
Cinnamon
ashenmind
Accidental Hypnotist