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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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One of my favorite narrative choices/interpretations in twdg is how tied together Clementine’s “death” scene and Lee’s death are. Yeah sure, there are the obvious visual parallels but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.

For the longest time, I was one of the people who always shot Lee, y’know? It just makes sense, you can’t let Lee become a walker, it’s so much more tragic for Clementine to be the one to put him down. Clearly shooting him is the right answer. After all, the player percentages don’t lie.

But then years passed and I eventually played the other route where I asked Clementine to leave Lee, and I am no longer one of those people.

Don’t get me wrong. Both endings make me cry. They’re powerful in different ways, but there’s something about the way that leaving Lee to turn into a walker can affect an interpretation of TFS and Clementine as a character.

[note: this turned into a bit of a Clementine character analysis and it’s long and I’m sorry that this is the way I am]

Y’see, having played through the series as much as I have, I’ve grown to love this narrative that you can build leading back to this choice and the ways it stuck with Clementine over the years, and subsequently affects the way she raises AJ.

When you ask Clementine to leave Lee, he gets the chance to give her a little more advice and it get progressively heavy:

Lee: You can leave me. It's okay.

Clementine: You'll be just like them.

Lee: It's okay. It won't be me.

Clementine: Lee...

Lee: Clem, it's time to go. You gotta get out of here.

Clementine: You can come with me.

Lee: No, honey, I can't. It's okay.

Clementine: Please?

Lee: You have to go, now.

Clementine: Maybe...maybe...I shouldn't let you turn.

Lee: I don't want you to have to do that.

From here, you have a set of options that allows Lee to explain why she shouldn’t shoot him: Shooting people changes you and Lee doesn’t want Clem to get used to that, she can remember him alive as her last memory of him rather than her shooting him, she should save the bullet, or the noise will draw more attention than it’s worth.

After that, depending on your choices, he’ll further explain himself. I usually get:

Lee: Pulling the trigger of a gun and ending a life, Clem...you feel yourself lose something every time. The first time, the most. Don't do it unless you absolutely have to.

Clementine: I'll go. I'll...leave you. I'll go as fast as I can.

Lee: And as safe as you can. Always be safe.

Lee is barely breathing at this point, he can’t keep his eyes open, he looks like he’s on the verge of turning into a walker at any moment. Clementine, gun her in her little hands, turns to him and one last time, asks him not to go.

Like… the whole scene is more than enough to make you teary eyed.

There are a lot of reasons for making this choice, most of which you’re allowed to explain through Lee. Some people have a more logical take on this by saying that it doesn’t matter if Lee turns or not, Clementine isn’t in danger with him chained up, therefore she doesn’t have to waste a bullet in killing him. That bullet might be the difference between life and death in the future.

Then there’s a more emotional approach of not wanting Clementine to be the one to have to kill Lee, forever traumatizing her even further after everything she went through with the stranger and her parents. Lee can’t ask her to do that, he can’t force this little girl to kill him just so that he won’t turn into a walker. It’ll change her.

I like to think it’s all of the above. Lee’s made sure that he can’t get to her, she’s armed and knows how to protect herself, and he cares more about her having an extra bullet that could save her life rather than wasting it on him when no matter what, death is inevitable for him. It’s like what he says about Larry if you tried to save him:

“It's like with Larry, honey. He was goin', one way or another. But at that moment I couldn't do more violence. You have to be careful about that. It'll consume you.”

She shouldn’t do that if she doesn’t have to. Lee has no idea what’s going to happen after he dies, if he’ll just be dead and gone or if part of him will remain as a walker, or something else. He reassures her that the walker left in his place won’t actually be him, but no one actually knows that. Yet, that doesn’t matter, he cares more about Clementine than himself at this point.

But what does this choice do to Clementine?

Sure, she doesn’t have to live with the fact that she killed the man who swore to protect her, even after she was indirectly responsible for him getting bitten in the first place. He asked her to leave him there, to let him become a monster, to leave before she could see him like that. He makes sure she knows that this was the right thing, the best thing for everyone, and I do think she believed him, or at least want to, in that moment. Underneath her grief and stress of the worst day of her life, she at least had Lee’s last words to her and his reassurance that she’s going to make it through this.

But then we move onto the other seasons, and Clementine isn’t the little girl she was in the first season. Season two is pretty much summed up with: “Clementine does ANYTHING and gets punished for it.”

She goes through so much shit in S2. You can try to make all the morally good choices you want and Clementine will still end up getting slapped around, people she grows to care about fall dead all around her, and she gets a lot of blame for it. She’s forced to kill a dog that attacks her, Kenny lashes out at her more than once, blaming her for Sarita’s death no matter what you do, she can’t save Sarah, she couldn’t save Luke, everything is falling apart and by the end, everyone’s fucking dead with the exception of either Jane or Kenny, depending on you choices.

Clementine carries all this shit with her, like Kenny and Bonnie telling her that just because she’s a little girl, she thinks she can get people killed and it’s okay since she’s sorry. Of course she’s going to internalize all of it and bring it back to Lee. She has conversations with Kenny where she’ll open up about how it was her fault he died. Kenny, for all his faults, will usually try to reassure her that it wasn’t.... but then pulls the shit he does so y’know... mixed messages that help no one.

But by the end of it, no matter what ending you get, little newborn AJ is left in Clementine’s care.

From all of this, we know that Clementine tends to blame herself for the deaths of those she cares about, which is traced back to Lee. It’s when we get to ANF that her tune changes a bit. She’s jaded, bitter, selfish, and Lee was right..... all of this violence did change her.

I mean, she just fucking shoots the guy who traded her bad bullets, and while she didn’t mean to... she still pointed a loaded gun at his head and pulled the trigger, something Lee taught her to never do unless she had to. Then, she wants Javi to cover for her, to lie... and if you don’t, because hey murder and lying bad, she gets upset and tries to make Javi feel like an asshole for telling the truth rather than validating her actions.

When I say ANF Clementine is my least favorite, it’s because her behavior, while it makes sense, is so frustrating and unbearable at times. It making sense doesn’t excuse it.

She steals, lies, pulls several Kennys where she gets pissy when you don’t do what she wants you to, is willing to assist in Lingard’s death if it benefits her without even considering any other options or what a dark place he’s in, and she’s at a point where she just assumes everyone around her will inevitably die or leave her. That’s just what happens, that’s why she’s alone, and as a means of coping, she tries to spin it this way to alleviate some of the pain she’s had thrown at her for years.

Now, ANF Clementine isn’t all bad, she has a lot of redeeming moments where the Clem I knew in the past two seasons will shine through. You as Javi can help her grow and get onto a better path than the one she was goin’ down. She makes friends with Gabe, which is important since as far as we know, she hasn’t had a friend close to her age since Sarah. She has hope again after David tells her AJ survived, and she has more than just survival on her mind.

It’s just.... it’s sad to think that she’s at a point where she seems to have momentarily forgotten Lee’s final words to her. And when I think about it..... this behavior would almost make more sense if she DID shoot Lee, y’know? But in this timeline we’re discussing, she didn’t, she left him to turn and he gave his reasons for why he wanted that... but she still ended up this way. Nothing he could say or do could’ve prevented that.

But at the end of ANF, Clementine has one goal: get AJ back.

Through all of this, through ANF and before the events of TFS... I truly believe that Clementine lost herself.

She’s forgotten a lot of the things Lee taught her, she’s forgotten about her parents in the sense of “what would they think if they saw me now,” she’s overwhelmed with all that bad that those good things, that hope she had, has been put on the backburner.

She’s been forced to live in a world that’s cruel to you no matter if you’re “good” or “bad”, and that can put you into that selfish mindset where you tend to just disregard everyone you don’t have any emotional connection to, and even then, people you’re close to will get the same treatment, whether intentional or not. It’s unflattering, unlikable, and the only reason more people don’t see that is because it’s Clementine.

It gets to a point where she has a few different paths she can go on, and right now, she’s on a destructive one.

I think through knowing the Garcia’s, she was put on a better path but she’s still lost. She’s hyper focused on getting AJ back. Nothing else matters, nothing will stand in her way, and that leads to a breaking point in her character.

So...the McCarroll Ranch flashback is a thing.

The varying interpretations of this scene are interesting to discuss.

Some will say Clementine was continuing her extremely selfish and destructive behavior when she found the ranch in flames and was willing to commit more murder in order to get AJ back, even if it meant traumatizing him with the death of his caretaker, and if she had shown up earlier before they were under attack, who knows how far she would’ve gone to take him away.

Others say no, that Clementine found the ranch compromised, she was acting in self-defense when she shot Eddie and AJ’s caretaker, Helen. It was either her or Clementine, as Helen was pulling a gun out when she spotted Clem, who reacted accordingly. If she hadn’t shown up, perhaps AJ wouldn’t be alive right now. We don’t know.

For me, it’s a bit of both. She finds the ranch and panics because yeah, it’s on fire and there are assholes running around, shooting the place up. She holds Eddie at gunpoint, demanding to know where the kids are. He thinks she’s another asshole raider and even tells her that he’s not gonna let her take a kid, and she kills him. She doesn’t try to explain herself, she just demands the info and kills him. It’s not great, but yeah, he would've hurt her if she didn’t kill him.

Then, she hears Helen talking to AJ, who is in the locker. I don’t know why she didn’t say anything. There isn’t an option to. Maybe she thought silence was the more peaceful route, or it would give her an upper hand. But, then Helen hears here and panics, pulls out a gun, and Clementine shoots her.

This is the moment.

She shoots this woman in the children’s room, and after examining her body, realizes that she was the one caring for AJ. Clementine is looking over this woman, and you get pieces of her thoughts like-

“She was taking care of him”

“I had no choice”

“I’m sorry”

Then, Clementine finally gets what she’s longed for- she has AJ back... and he’s covered in blood, sobbing, terrified of her. She coaxes him out of the locker and he sees his caretaker dead on the floor.

This scene, with Clementine looking at the body, walking through rubble and fire to put AJ in the car, he’s staring up at her with this unfamiliar look in his eyes.... and she stops for a second...

I truly feel like this is the moment where Clementine is suddenly hit by everything all at once, and she’s actually questioning, “Oh god..... who am I? How did I get here and what have I done?”

She did all of this for AJ, and now she has him, so it was worth it, right? Everything she did was a necessary evil and it was worth it... right?

... but imagine if Clementine did inject Lingard, killing him. She assisted in a man's death to get here. Was taking his life necessary? If you know how the choices work, then no, it’s not. But Clementine doesn’t know that.

If you stopped her, then she still gunned down several people to stand where she is. She’s has left AJ so wounded by killing Helen, and while we know she didn’t have a choice in the moment, AJ doesn’t understand that. He doesn’t even recognize Clementine and she can see that in the way he looks at her.

“Pulling the trigger of a gun and ending a life, Clem...you feel yourself lose something every time.....”

TFS is where I think Clementine has found herself again and that’s why she’s more balanced and likable, and there are more references to Lee and her parents.... yeah, I know it’s mostly the writers doing it for fanservice and to make us cry, but I’m choosing to look at it in the narrative rather than with that intention.

Clementine has AJ back, she’s been raising him the best way she can, she’s taught him to use a gun since he needs to protect himself, and Lee taught her when she was little, too. She’s taught him to read, taught him survival techniques she’s picked up, all that. She’s also more playful with him, she smiles more. She’s not a bitter 13-year-old like in ANF. Survival and safety is #1 and her attitude is mostly serious, but she isn’t afraid to tease or be a little silly.

But here’s the deal..... usually when I replay the series, I’ll leave Lee to turn but I’ll have Clementine tell AJ that if she ever gets bit, he’ll shoot her.

“What?” I hear you say. “But... haven’t you been rambling on and on about how murder bad and how leaving Lee was better because she didn’t have to live with the fact that she killed him?? but you want AJ to?? CJ you make no sense!”

I know that, but allow me to elaborate. Remember, this is all my interpretation after years of replaying this series. This is the narrative I find most enjoyable. This is my Clementine and the way I interpret her.

So, Clementine listens to Lee and leaves him to turn into a walker. He tells her that it won’t be him, he’ll be dead and gone, save the bullet. Yeah, yeah, I already covered this. But remember my “what does this do to Clementine?” question?

I swingin’ back to it because I didn’t really answer it directly, now did I? It’s basically followed up with another question: What if Clementine comes to regret leaving Lee instead of shooting him?

She herself even says that maybe she shouldn’t let him turn, and he tells her he doesn’t want her to have to do that. She listened to him, and left him behind to turn into one of the monsters that tore their world apart. She’s lived with the fact that she’s the reason Lee was bitten, that he died.... but there was always another thing that pricked needles into her guilt: Lee’s a walker. He’s going to spend the rest of eternity as a walker handcuffed to a heater. There is the big possibility that no one will ever find him, will never kill this walker version of him.

Was that the right thing to do?

I don’t know about you, but the walker debate is kinda fun to explore, and oh boy, do they try to explore it in TFS.

It’s easy for us to be like “Nope, there is nothing to walkers because they’re dead. Nothing human is left behind. Leaving Lee is fine.”

…but then I have to ask, why did most people shoot him when the episode released? Why do people still pick that option? You don’t want Lee to be a walker, but at the same time, it’s actually fine because nothing about him would be left behind?

Is it because you couldn’t handle seeing him as a walker and didn’t know if the ending would show it or not? It doesn’t, you know that now. Were you afraid he would hurt anyone else? Well, you chained him up. He’s not going anywhere. He’s no longer a threat.

So why do so many people still choose to shoot Lee and insist it’s the right choice even if by this logic, it doesn’t matter if he’s a walker because it’s not him? Save the bullet, don’t put Clementine through that, right?

Maybe you just like the way the tragedy plays out when Clementine shoots him, and that’s perfectly fine. Maybe you don’t believe there’s more to walkers, but still pick this because how can you not? It’s Lee! He can’t become a walker.

Again, I feel you. My reasons for always shooting him in the past were that. It’s Lee, he can’t become a walker. I can’t do that to him. I love him, and that would be wrong.

But that’s the thing... I believe we’re not the only ones having this debate. Clementine is having this internal debate within herself at different points over the series, but it’s especially prominent in TFS.

Lee asked her to leave him, but was that really the right thing to do? He took care of her, saved her life and taught her to survive, and after he was bitten, she left him to turn into a monster. He didn’t deserve that, but his final wish was for her to leave. Should she have shot him anyway, ignoring his wishes? Would that have been worse? Disrespectful? Is it okay to ignore his wish if you think he’s wrong and you think you know what’s best?

What if there is a part of him still inside that walker form? There’s no way to know that. What if she condemned a part of him to cruel fate because she didn’t shoot him? What if he’s truly gone and she’s worrying herself over nothing? What if she had shot him and needed that bullet later, or what if the noise drew attention?

...What about her parents? They were walkers, too... roaming the street together... are they suffering, too? Or are they truly gone?

I believe this is what lead to her decision to tell AJ that if she ever gets bitten, he should shoot her. All of these thoughts and regrets can resurface depending on your choices, like in the dorms at the beginning of ep2.

AJ: You told me your friend Lee became a monster. But you didn't kill him... because he wasn't a threat. Is that why you didn't kill him?

Clementine: He didn't want me to. He said it would change me forever. But I know he...

AJ: He became a monster. Do you wish you did?

Clementine: Yeah.... Every day.

Or, alternatively:

Clementine: How can you ask me that? What you did is completely different.

AJ: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you mad, at all.

Clementine: .....I...I can still hear him. Telling me not to do it.

AJ: I said I'm sorry.

Clementine: ...I still hear it, sometimes.

and yeah, yeah, I know that this isn’t canon for everyone. Reminder that this is my Clementine interpretation and it’ll probably differ from yours, hence why we’re going over these specific choices.

Looking at these responses, Clementine admits that she wishes she had shot Lee, that even though he told her that it would change her and she shouldn’t have to... she still left him to die alone and change. Maybe she doesn’t even fully understand WHY he asked her to do that... why didn’t he ask her to shoot him? Did he think she couldn’t? Even though he kept telling her that she had it in her to defend herself? Wasn’t he scared of what would happen afterward? What if Lee was so sick and out of it due to the bite that he wasn’t thinking right?

Again, all these kinds of questions could possibly run through her mind, which in turn affects her choice with AJ. She doesn’t want him to go through what she did, to regret letting her turn into another monster. It’ll change him to shoot her, but it’ll also change him to let her turn.... maybe shooting her is the lesser of two evils.

The thing about Clementine is that she’s not a perfect teacher, she doesn’t have all the answers, and all of her experiences reflect in the choices she makes with AJ. She’s trying her best. She loves AJ, he’s her family and she wants what’s best for him. She wants him to be strong, to be a better survivor who can take care of himself if something ever happened to her. But, she’s doesn’t know everything, and she forgets that yeah, AJ’s a kid... and so is she. She’s not some thirty something who has all this world experience and can always make logical decisions in every situation, and neither was Lee.

AJ sees this towards the end of the season when he starts questioning her.

AJ: I always listened to Clem. Always. But...I've been thinking more. I don't know if she's right every time.

So while she truly believes that this is the best thing... she also won’t take AJ himself into account. Well, she does but she fails to ask him what he wants, what he thinks, and when he starts questioning her, she becomes defensive and makes him promise that he’ll shoot her even though he’s saying he doesn’t want to.

Which leads me to two particular scenes that I think reopen the wounds and reaffirm Clementine’s thoughts and fears. We’ll start with the obvious one: James.

I know it’s easy to just call James and his dumb walkers crazy, that walkers aren’t people, yada yada. But for fun, let’s indulge him for a moment. James is a fascinating character study with the way he’s come to view walkers, and he eventually shares these beliefs with Clementine when she asks him for help, and when you leave Lee to turn, you get this conversation:

James: They used them as a weapon. I do this...to protect them. I know it sounds strange. But that's why I brought you here. To see them as I do. As people.

Clementine: As...people?

James: Well, not people, exactly. But... Something in between. Part of us is still in there. Deep down. So few of us die anymore. We turn. Not dead, not alive.

Clementine: God, I hope that's not true. That sounds like Hell.

James: To you, maybe. I think it seems...peaceful.

AJ: Do you really think there's people inside of monsters?

James: Somewhere, yes. Think about it this way... Has someone you cared about turned?

Clementine doesn’t respond.

AJ: Clem's friend, Lee. She let him... but wishes she didn’t.

James: Do you really think...there's nothing left of who he was?

Here’s where my Clementine will remain silent, as you can either agree or disagree with him which doesn’t feel right for her, in this case. Though a little annoying that James takes your silence personally and won’t talk about Charlie later BUT that’s a topic for another ramble.

Anyway, Clementine doesn’t want to think about this. She’s thought about it enough, let it eat away at her longer than she should’ve, and now James is here asking her if she truly believes there’s nothing left inside the walker Lee became? She doesn’t have time to reflect on this, she has to get James’ help to save her friends.

However, I believe this conversation stuck with her, and that’s why she gets more defensive when AJ brings up the idea that if Clem gets bit, then she should bite him, too. Like.... No, absolutely not, AJ. That’s not what we agreed on to do if she gets bit. He’ll shoot her.

Clementine: AJ, we've talked about this. A lot. If I get bit, you know what has to happen.

AJ: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Clementine: But you brought it up, so we're going to.

AJ: It does something weird to my stomach. Like I'm gonna get the dookies.

Clementine: AJ, I need to know you remember what we talked about. What you're supposed to do if it happens. Listen to me. If I get bit, you'll...?

AJ doesn’t respond.

Clementine: Shoot--

AJ: No! No, I'm not gonna do that.

Clementine: AJ, you promised.

AJ: I don't care. I'm not gonna shoot you! If you get bit, I'd want you to bite me, too.

Clementine: What? You don't mean that.

AJ: I don't want to be alone. Please don't be mad. I can't live with you not with me, Clem. I know we've talked about it. So much. But don't make me.

And like.... here’s an interesting thing if Clementine doubles down on this:

Clementine: Alvin Junior, if you have a gun, you shoot me. If you don't, you use your knife. No knife, a rock to the head. As many times as you have to.

AJ: I said I don't wanna!

Clementine: I don't care what you said. You will do it.

AJ: I don't care what you say!

Clementine: Goddamn it, AJ! You can't break promises.

Like jesus. She is once again so blinded by what she believes is right and what is the best option for AJ that she’s not even thinking about the fact that she’s telling him that yeah, if you have no other options, bash my face in with a rock! Holy shit, Clementine! She isn’t understanding a big thing here, the thing that factored into why Lee told her to leave him.

Of course, there are less harsh responses but I find that one particularly interesting.

Now, lemme explore the other scene: Abel.

So, the beginning of ep3 has Clementine and AJ talking to a tied up Abel about where the raiders took our friends. But it doesn’t take long before Abel starts spitting up blood and panicking that something’s wrong.

Abel: Shit... I never wanted things to end like this. Everything...it all got out of hand. Now look at me. I'm a fucking mess.

AJ: Will he turn?

Abel: No! ...My...my whole life, everything I ever got, I got with my own two hands and...and my will. For my body to turn on me...to take control... I'll tell you where to find Lilly. Just promise you won't let me turn. I'm begging you.

Look, I hate Abel, he sucks..... but I also really like him as an antagonistic character and what they did with him here.

So, we have Abel here begging for them to make sure he doesn’t turn... because Abel believes that letting some turn is cruel, he’ll even admit that he believes there are people inside of walkers and that’s why you put a bullet in them, no one deserves to be a walker.

Abel: You wouldn't do it...you wouldn't let me become...one of those things. What if they...what if they can feel it...when they turn?!

And after he gives you the info-

Abel: You got what you wanted. Please, don't let me become one of those things. Please... I don't want to turn...

Do keep in mind that this happens before the James scene, too. Clementine’s already got this on her mind when she meets up with him and the barn scene plays out.... but this whole thing with Abel is a lot. You can be cruel and torture him or you can play nice, or you can do a bit of both.

And by the way, if you let him turn, it reeeally fucks with AJ. So that’s fun.

Now not only is Clementine trying to work out a plan to get her friends back and trying to protect AJ and all that, but she’s also dealing with these thoughts and ideas presented by Abel and James..... and like, yeah I know the Lee dream sequence was intended for fanservice and to make us cry.... but I dunno, kinda funny timing that she would have a dream about Lee that night after going through both of those events in the same day as well as doing prep to infiltrate the boat.

While I love the dream sequence and this interpretation I’m talking about probably wasn’t all that intentional given that this would've been the perfect moment to explore or even hint at it but they don’t.... but it’s fine, it’s perfectly logical that she’s more worried about her friends who are still alive rather than if she did the right thing with Lee.

I think it’s time I move onto the actual bitten Clementine stuff before this turns into a novel sooo.... Clementine gets bit after she and AJ get separated from Louis/Violet/Tenn. She’s bitten on her wounded leg, and after all the chaos of getting away from walkers and climbing up to safety... Clementine just lies there for a bit.

And you can feel it, y’know? She and AJ knew what happened, but Clementine still has to confirm it... and when she pulls away part of her boot to reveal the bite... she lets out a deep breath and says she got bit..... but they gotta keep moving forward. No time, gotta get up, gotta keep moving, gotta get AJ to safety. Nothing else matters.

So they walk. They walk until it’s morning and Clementine starts to look awful... and I think most of us took this opportunity to tell AJ she loves him.

Then all hell breaks loose, they’re surrounded by walkers and have to hide out in James’ walker barn, but Clementine’s too weak to fight. This is when the game starts to have us take control of AJ, switching us between the two as Clementine shoots walkers and AJ shuts the doors.

Until Clementine runs out of ammo.

The walkers are locked out, they’re catching their breath... and now they have a whole new problem to deal with. Clementine’s bitten, and AJ, similar to how little Clementine was, tells Clementine she needs to try to get up and leave with him.

Clementine: Good job, AJ. You did it.

AJ: Now what?

Clementine: You need to find a way out of here.

AJ: We can climb up there. The monsters can't reach us up there. Let's go. Easy climb. C'mon. Please...try. You can't give up! You can't give up! I need you! I need you...

She can’t get up.

Clementine: I'm so sorry, kiddo. This is just what happens sometimes.

AJ: But...but it wasn't supposed to happen to you!

Sigh.... now here it is. This is another big moment in Clementine’s character that changes everything. It’s that moment at McCarroll Ranch again- it all hits her at once.

Clementine: I need to make sure you remember.

AJ: Remember what?

Clementine: The rules. What's number one?

AJ: Never...never go alone. So...so I can't leave. Not without you.

Clementine: AJ...

AJ: It's your rule!

Clementine: You won't be alone. Not for long. Get back to the school.

AJ: I don't know how.

Clementine: Sure you do. One of the first things I ever taught you. You need to make sure they can't smell you. So... grab that axe.

She’s dying, she’s going to die and leave AJ behind.

Clementine: Next rule: what do we do when the monsters come?

AJ: Clem...

Clementine: AJ...

AJ: Shoot them in the head.

Clementine: Got any more ammo?

AJ: There isn't any more.

Clementine: Okay, then. Fuck. And...the last rule?

AJ: I want to stay. With you. I know what will happen. And...and I don't care. I don't want to go. I just want to sit next to you and...and stay. Like that monster couple, from the train station. No one would hurt us. Just...sitting. Forever.

Clementine: I don't want you to leave, either.

AJ: Then don't make me!

Clementine: But it's not about what I want. It's about what you need. And you need to go.

AJ: Okay, Clem. Okay.

Clementine: Last rule.

AJ: No...

Clementine: What do we do if I get bit? ....Are you gonna make me say it?

And this is Clementine truly realizes, understands for the first time why Lee made the choice he did... why he asked her to leave him.

Clementine: Just leave.

AJ: I can't let you turn into a monster.

Clementine: You have to.

AJ: But before, you said...

Clementine: I know. But now that we're here... My heart is saying something else.

She finally gets it.

When Lee said she’s in his shoes now...? She IS in his shoes finally understanding a part of their situation years ago that she never could. For years, she questioned how he could ask her to leave him, WHY he did. She questioned if she did the right thing, regretted listening to him.... but now that they’re here and she’s presented with the same choice Lee was... she understands why her reasons for asking AJ to shoot her if she gets bitten were skewed, that what she thought was preventively protecting him from more hurt was only doing more damage. He’s already taken a life, and just like Lee said, he’s losing a part of himself every time he does it, and if she told him to shoot Lilly, too? and if he shot Tenn?

What is killing Clementine with an axe going to do to AJ?

What is leaving Clementine to become a walker going to do to him?

What is the right thing to do?

Well, for Clementine, her answer is to ask him to leave. She knows she told him differently, but that was when this scenario was merely a “what if?” Now it’s happening and she sees the errors in her thinking, and no matter what happens now, she’s going to die. Maybe she’ll feel it, like Abel said. Maybe James is right and she’ll spend the rest of her undead life alone in this barn. Maybe nothing will happen. It doesn’t matter.

But... we all know, AJ has another solution up his sleeve that Clementine never considered.

He turns to leave her... and then turns back around and disobeys her wishes... and chops off her bitten leg.

And she fucking survives.

Clementine survives her walker bite.

AJ did what little Clementine back in s1 couldn’t do... he didn’t listen to her, and this time, it worked in their favor.

Clementine: When we were in the barn, you didn't listen to me. And if you had...I'd be dead. You'll have to be strong for the both of us.

AJ: You made it so I can. So...thank you. For everything.

Clementine: You're welcome. For everything.

Clementine still has a lot of things to work though, especially now that she only has one leg. She can’t move around the way she could before, she has to completely relearn how to walk on crutches, possibly a peg leg. She gets to sit down and breathe, rely on others and do some reflection on who she is and come to terms with all the pain she suffered, and grow from there.

Now that she understands why Lee did what he did, she can take a step in the right direction of forgiving herself, to atone for all the mistakes she’s made and the people she’s hurt.

She has a boyfriend/girlfriend/friends there at her side to listen and love her, she has AJ, she has her lovable pupper Rosie, and she has a home... for the first time since she was little, she has a home and she can find herself again. Keep movin’ forward.

This is my favorite line of choices, my favorite way to interpret the connection between Lee and Clementine’s scenes, and how I view Clementine’s growth and understanding as a character in TFS. There are so many ways for it all to play out, no Clementine is the same between players, and I dunno I just... I find the whole thing so compelling.

Clementine is such a fun character to discuss, to compare interpretations of, and I’m sorry for such a long post but this is another thing I’ve wanted to throw out there for a while. Now that I’m done, I’m gonna go make some tea and chill out.

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg lee #twdg aj #twdg kenny #twdg javi #long post #twdg james #twdg abel

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miyuwuki · 3 years

Note

Is it selfish to ask for another kazuya sister scenario/hq? (it's totally fine if you don't want to do it)

OMG OFC NOT !! a lot of people took a liking to sister!reader so i’m happy to oblige :) the older sister hc is here, so this will be a younger one!

warnings: none

miyuki kazuya x sister!reader hc’s

miyuki’s younger sister

you’re only like a year younger than miyuki

but unlike him, you were calm and quiet (but still have that nasty side (just a teeny bit))

kind of like ryousuke and haruichi

you also had thick glasses like miyuki so people could tell that you guys were siblings

miyuki liked pinching your cheek a lot and when you started off in seido, and he would pull your leg quite a bit

“study hard y/n, you’re kinda stupid” “don’t get lost” he says this as he’s pinching your cheek

“kazuya, please stop talking and that hurts”

being in the same year as sawamura, furuya and haruichi, you ended up being friends with them

it was always the four of you together

miyuki notices this when you hang out with them after practice

you guys could be getting a drink or sitting on the field nonchalantly talking about nothings

“oi y/n, sawamura is not a good friend to be around. find new friends”

“I AM A GREAT FRIEND MIYUKI-SENPAI I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

you would laugh at him and your brother’s bickering

as a younger miyuki, you always looked up to your older brother

you notice that he inspires the people around him and works so hard in baseball so that he can lead the team with pride

also sawamura would not shut up about him

“MIYUKI-IMOUTO, MIYUKI-SENPAI IS THE BEST!”

yeah he calls you “miyuki-imouto” like he calls ryousuke “onii-san”

“eijun, you can just call me miyuki or y/n…”

yeah you’re on first name basis’ w the three

anyways, you too wanted to be like him one day. maybe not the baseball part, but being someone everyone could confide in

you actually got a lot of confessions because of the miyuki genes i mean come on

but the ones miyuki would witness he would tell you to throw away their letters after

“i can already tell they’re not good so throw them away”

quite protective of you

if someone else teases you he would tell them to knock it off

“you’re not allowed to do that only i can”

he knows he has to be the one to kind of raise you since your guys’ father is never around

so as much as he bullies you he cares just as much

one time you barely passed a test and he saw

he just sighed and said “we’ll work on it together” “if you get at least a 75% on the next test i’ll treat you out”

and he spent nights helping you understand the material

he would be pretty annoyed if you made him repeat things but he wouldn’t give up until he knew you got it

and because of that you aced the next test

and of course he did treat you out

with a drink from the vending machine

“i didn’t say how i’d treat you”

but it made you so happy

whenever you were sad he would pat your head a lot or ruffle your hair

literally will be your therapist he is ready to listen to whatever you have to say

if you don’t want to talk about it he’ll cook or put on a movie

and if you did want to talk about it he would be all ears and give his opinion after

if you had a boyfriend he would definitely keep him in check

“if you’re not as good as me then you can’t date her” “where are you taking her and when are you dropping her off” “you like baseball? no?”

you honestly don’t mind it because you know he’s just looking out for you

he would tease your boyfriend too

can you imagine his reaction if you dated sawamura, furuya, or haruichi

“WHY, OUT OF EVERYONE WHY HIM”

one time when it was everyone’s off, you, sawamura, furuya and haruichi were hanging out in sawamura’s room eating a bunch of snacks and playing video games

it was one of their rare breaks and it wouldn’t hurt to bond and relax

but miyuki walked in because he needed to talk to sawamura

and then he saw you

and steam started to release through his ears

“k-kazuya”

“what are you doing here y/n”

“CAP! WE ARE HAVING BONDING TIME”

“don’t worry miyuki-senpai. we are taking good care of her”

“exactly kazuya they’re my friends”

he’d scoff, “make sure she doesn’t do anything dumb” and leave

you’d go to his games sometimes, for both him and your best friends

it gets you so hyped every time

“NERAIUCHI”

you’d make rice balls for your brother and your friends so that they’d have something to eat after the game

miyuki would lowkey criticize you like

“this needs more seasoning” “not enough rice”

“then don’t eat it, asshole”

and then you’d switch gears to your friends acting all nice “please have more”

your cooking is also good though it runs in the family, your brother is just competitive

miyuki would definitely be a bother to you

would untie your shoe laces, make you reach something he’s holding up high or poke you

your reactions amuses him

“kazuya i swear”

“what”

“i will kick your crotch”

“haha”

whenever you guys fight, he would be the one to apologize first. he feels that it’s his duty to be the bigger person

but obviously if you were in the wrong you would have to say sorry first

he prioritizes you as much as he does baseball. a little more i would say

would be a nuisance but a 5 stars of a brother

hugs are awkward and a no go btw

BONUS:

“here y/n drink this”

you would drink it and immediately spit it out

“ew what is this”

“melon soda with red bean soup”

“i hate you”

HELLOOO MY LOVE PLS ENJOY THESE HC’S also i think it’s so cute that sister!mc is in a friend group w sawamura, furuya, and haruichi hehehehe

#diamond no ace #daiya no ace #daiyadaily #dna #diamond no ace x reader #daiya x reader #daiya no ace x reader #miyuki kazuya #kazuya miyuki #miyuki x reader #miyuki kazuya x reader #kazuya miyuki x reader #kominato haruichi #kuramochi youichi #sawamura eijun #i love him #seido

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angellesword · 3 years

Text

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (14)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It's simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if...Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

"A future without you is a world without color."

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Note: The lyrics of the song your eyes tell by BTS used in this chapter is NOT translated by me. It is composed/covered by genuis english translation and Jess A. Please consider listening to their music here. They’re a great singer! A line from Agust D’s 140503 at Dawn is also used in this update.

Warnings: blood, physical violence

***This is a super short chapter. JJK is just reflecting hehe

SERIES: CHAPTER 13 | FINAL CHAPTER

The blood in Jeongguk's lower lip was mocking him—telling him that once again, he fucked up.

Or at least this was what Park Jimin thought.

"So that's it, huh?" Your best friend rarely resort to violence—wait. This was wrong. Violence was never an option for Jimin, but he was making an exception tonight.

"You're just going to give up on her?" The older boy grabbed the collar of your soulmate's shirt.

Jimin was so mad he swore he could beat Jeongguk to a pulp.

How could Jeongguk be this dumb?

Jimin heard your conversation with your soulmate just a few breaths ago. He didn't plan to eavesdrop, it just happened.

Yoongi was the first one to know what happened to you. He was adamant to let you leave a while ago. He just had this weird feeling in his stomach that told him to check up on you.

His nightmare became a reality when he saw Jimin and Taehyung making out on the couch. You weren't with them and it only meant one thing: you left alone.

Yoongi was so mad at himself. He should have called you an uber or he should have driven you to wherever the hell you wanted to go.

This was partly his fault that's why he couldn't help but shudder in fear and regret when one of his staffs told him about what happened to you.

Police officers said you were under the influence of alcohol. Yoongi already knew this, but Taehyung and Jimin were still shocked.

They had no idea you left.

It actually took the three of them a long time to know what had happened to you. By the time they reached the hospital, they were already too late.

Jeongguk managed to make you cry over and over again.

What an asshole.

What kind of soulmate was Jeongguk? Were you really meant to be together? These questions were running inside your best friend's head. It had been answered when Jeongguk suddenly pushed Jimin away.

He wiped the blood in his bottom lip, smirking at his hyung.

"Who said I'm giving up on her?"

Jimin's jaw dropped. Jeongguk’s voice is full of confidence and determination.

"Y-You’re not?"

"No." Your soulmate said firmly. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Not when he was sure about what he felt for you, not when you needed him the most, and definitely not when you were giving up on him.

No. He should fight when you couldn't.

"Good," your best friend released a breath. He hated your soulmate for hurting you, but Jimin also knew that you loved Jeongguk—even if you told him otherwise.

This was the sad thing about the existence of soulmate that Jimin despised. The encouraging reminders like 'You should learn to love yourself,' and 'you don't need your soulmate to be happy,' would not apply.

It helped, yes. But your world was different. It would always feel like a part of you was missing when your soulmate didn’t love you back.

Humans were made to love and to feel loved. This reminded Jimin of the neon signage that's plastered on Genius Lab: I'm the island in this vast ocean, don't abandon me. This was Min Yoongi's idea. The bar owner always told him and everyone (really) that people were like island—they were able to provide—to extend their hands in this cold world.

They should never be abandoned because like any other things, they needed to be taken care of too.

"But what are you planning to do?" Jimin creased his forehead.

Jeongguk didn't even bat an eyelash when you told him to let you go. This was what annoyed Jimin. How could your soulmate be so silent about this? Why did he simply leave when you told him to go?

In Jeongguk's defense, he just didn't want to upset you any longer. He was aware that his presence was stressing you out. You should rest, especially because there's possibility that you might need to undergo an eye surgery.

Jeongguk's heart clenched once again. You were blind and you thought it was because he hated you.

It’s not true and he would change your mind.

"Seriously, Guk?" Taehyung shook his head, scowling. "This is your and my fiancé’s idea?"

"Don't get mad at Jimin-hyung. It's my idea." Jeongguk corrected his best friend. "Your soulmate is just helping me."

It had been days since the accident and you were aware that Jeongguk had been by your side all this time, not really by your side, per se, but he was around. He was patiently waiting outside of your room in this hospital, begging Jimin and your other loved ones to tell him what he could to help.

Today was the only time he left the hospital, as in the same day of your eye surgery.

Jeongguk swore he's not running away this time though. He was actually going to let you know that he would be staying with you. Forever.

"I can't let you do this, Jeon. I'm gonna lose my job if you fuck this one up!" Taehyung groaned.

"Hyung, please. This is really important!" Jeongguk was nervous. He was running out of time. Your surgery was in a few minutes and here he was, invading the studio where Taehyung worked as a DJ.

"This is going to be aired on national radio, Guk. As in the whole South Korea!"

"I know!" Jeongguk's eyes were blown wide. "This is exactly why I want to do this, hyung. I want everyone to know how I feel!"

If you couldn’t see, then maybe you could understand Jeongguk’s feelings by listening. He was willing to explore other senses just to make you believe.

"Fucking sappy!" In the end, Taehyung had no choice but to let his best friend proclaim his love for you.

Jeongguk smiled as he tapped the microphone, softly calling your name.

"It's Jeongguk. I know you don't want to hear from me, but I have something to say." Jeongguk grimaced. He seriously sucked when it came to expressing his emotions through words. "This will be quick, I promise. I just hope Jiminie-hyung is actually helping me out."

"Of course he is!" Taehyung shouted somewhere. Jimin wouldn't dare to ruin this for you. His task was simple anyway. He only needed to make sure that you were listening to the radio a few moments before your eye surgery.

You were nervous. Jimin wanted to help you calm down by making sure that you knew Jeongguk was not going to leave you alone in the cold.

"Anyway I know that I...well...I," your soulmate blushed. How should he describe himself? Was there a word that could emphasize his stupidity?

"I am an idiot." Jeongguk bit the inside of his cheek. This was the only adjective he could think of. "I am the idiot who hurt you and I know, I know...I don’t deserve your forgiveness because of how selfish I was—I mean, am. I still am."

He chuckled nervously. His heart was hammering.

"Call me selfish or whatever you want. I'm sure I deserve it anyway, but yeah...I'll be selfish again if this is the only way to let you know what I really feel about you."

Jeongguk cleared his throat as the beat of the music started to play.

"Why are my eyes filled with tears?” He sang.

This was a song composed by him. Of course he couldn't do this alone. Namjoon was the one who produced the beat of this song. He also helped his brother-in-law to write the lines. Ji-eun's father was a lyrical genius.

"Hey, stay by my side and laugh.” Jeongguk knew he was asking for too much. It was impossible to simply smile and stay with him—not after the hell he had put you through.

"A future without you is a world without color, filled with monochrome coldness." But this was the exact representation of what would happen if you weren't in his life.

Life would literally be black and white. Dull. Jeongguk knew how essential colors were in his life, yet if he was forced to choose between the hues and you, he would choose you in a heartbeat.

"Even the darkness we see is so beautiful. Please believe me."

Darkness was the absence of light. You were Jeongguk’s light. His life would be dark if you were not around.

He also knew you were going through the darkest time of your life, so he wanted this moment to still be beautiful.

He wanted you to believe that every hardship would pay off. You just had to believe.

"Looking only directly at you, so you don't go away"

Jeongguk wrote this line many months ago. It wasn't even meant to be lyrics to a song. These were simply the words he incorporated in his art.

Jeongguk was a soft person. He usually put cheesy captions in his paintings and drawings—the things he usually couldn’t verbalize.

"Whatever lies in the way of you and me. I'll just keep looking at the future of you and I."

It didn't matter that you lost hope. Jeongguk was sure he would make you believe in love again.

"Shadows of the past keep chasing me everywhere I go, and they try to keep ahold of me and till this day they follow me."

He would try to let go of his hurtful past. Those things didn't matter because he could always make good memories with you.

"Even though it seems to be the start of the end I'll call you and shout out your name."

He would be the hope in your relationship. This might be the end for you; however, Jeongguk was just starting.

Starting to accept the soulmate bond.

"I'll become your eyes to the world and for whatever we may face."

Starting to show you how much you meant to him.

He was willing to become your eyes if you didn't recover from this instantly. He would guide you until you could see again.

"One day all of this, this sadness that we share will bring us together."

The sadness would be over soon. You would see again;

Because Jeon Jeongguk was sure. He loved you and...

"Your eyes will tell."

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lovelyirony · 3 years

Note

How much do I have to pay for a happy ending for that Winteriron blind date prompt you did? I will give you everything. You broke my heart and now I need it be fixed please!

no need for payment! let’s do a continuation right now...

Natasha and Steve are looking at each other.

“So did you know that he...?”

“No!”

“Were we supposed to check in or something?”

“I don’t think so. Did you text Pepper?”

Natasha looks at her phone.

“Yeah, but no response yet. It’s too late in the evening.”

They’re both looking at Bucky, who immediately had gotten home, flung himself face down on the couch, and screamed for five minutes straight.

“Why didn’t you tell me his name was Tony?!” He yells after the five minutes, voice hoarse. “I looked like the biggest idiot of all time! I didn’t want to see him again!”

“It ended that badly?” Steve asks.

“Technically, probably not,” Bucky mumbles. “I just...we were leaving. For a long time. Nearly a year. And I didn’t...I didn’t want to be left behind. So I...ended things.”

“Did you want to?” Natasha prods.

“No,” Bucky says, scowling. “He was the best person in my life.”

“Well now I feel excluded,” Steve remarks dryly.

“Steve I will sell you to the circus and you can be their new strong guy,” Bucky mutters. “Don’t think I won’t.”

“Then I’ll just join Sam’s act since you have also threatened him multiple times with that,” Steve jokes. “But I’ll stop it now. Why not just tell him that?”

“Oh sure, tell him that I broke up with him for selfish reasons and then I want to get back together. Also for selfish reasons.”

“Well when you phrase it like that, he’ll say no in five minutes flat,” Natasha says. “Come on. You can work this out.”

“And if he doesn’t want that?”

“Then you leave him the hell alone,” she says with a shrug. “No problem there.”

“You make this seem easy,” Bucky says. “And it’s not gonna be.”

“Well of course it’s not,” Steve says. “But you have assholes for friends and this is going to be our entertainment until it gets resolved or worse.”

Bucky flips them off.

They return the gesture.

Rhodey, currently, is trying not to laugh.

Okay so it’s not funny. Like, really. It’s more sad that Tony has to be confronted with the fact that the ex that he loved was a blind date.

But it’s a little funny.

“Rhodey!” Tony yells. “How can you laugh?”

“I’m not laughing!” Rhodey says, trying to steady his voice. “But if this was a sitcom, I think there would have been some good moments.”

Pepper glares at Rhodey as she puts an arm around Tony, pulling his head onto her shoulder.

“I’m sorry your blind date ended up being the worst possible thing.”

“It wasn’t the worst,” Tony sniffles. “He wore his blue shirt that I love so much. The one that brought out his eyes. And I got to see him again. I just...I miss him.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him that?” Rhodey asks. “Wasn’t he also feeling shitty at breaking up with you? What reason did he even give?”

“Long distance,” Tony says. “He said he didn’t want to hold me back. I think he probably just wanted to not be tied back here.”

“Then he would have said that,” Pepper responds.

“Would he?” Rhodey asks. “That seems kind of shitty.”

“Yes,” Pepper states again, voice thin and tense. “He would have said that, Jim.”

(Rhodey is now aware that he’s been putting his foot in his mouth.)

“Yup,” he says, “um, Pepper is right. He would have definitely told you that he wanted to be, um, single. Abroad.”

“You both are the worst,” Tony says. “God, I need a drink.”

“No you don’t,” Pepper says. “We’ll get you some of those cream cheese roll-ups.”

“I meant orange juice,” Tony sniffles. “I need to get Vitamin D somehow since I’m going to die here all alone.”

“What am I, trash?” Rhodey asks.

“You’ll leave too,” Tony wails. “I’ll be alone!”

“I’m not going to leave, you asshole,” Rhodey says. “I’m going to stay right here until we both die of old age or neglect because Pepper finally got tired of us.”

“You guys are acting as if I don’t have people on speed-dial to make sure you don’t die,” Pepper says. “Also, you’re not going to make me take care of you both because you want to be lame and not face your feelings.”

“Yeah,” Tony sighs. “Ugh. I guess I just need to eat pizza.”

“What you need is to face the problem,” Rhodey says. “Because if you don’t then that means I get to clown on you for six months and publicly drag you on Instagram with a series of pictures of you in sweatpants that don’t fit.”

“Which ones?”

“The blue glitter ones.”

“Not the...?”

“Yes the...” Rhodey reiterates, cackling.

Bucky and Tony both have to face the music. Which they’re not exactly looking forward to, but mostly because they think the other one is going to reject them.

Tony calls him.

“Hi,” he says. “Um, can we...can we talk?”

“Um, yeah, sure,” Bucky says, fumbling with the phone. “Meet at, um...the coffee shop? Raina’s?”

“Sounds good.”

It was their place.

Neither had been back.

Raina’s wasn’t really crowded. The barista smiles at Tony as he enters.

“Was wondering where you two went,” he says, unaware that they had separated.

“Oh you know, just busy I guess,” Tony teases. “Still remember my order?”

“How could I forget the most complicated order of my life?” he responds. “Where’s your other half?”

Other half.

Tony smiles, and he hopes it isn’t as brittle as it feels.

“Oh, he’s on his way. Running late.”

Bucky sees that his drink is waiting at the counter, and the barista waves to him as he waves back, asking how he’s been doing, if he got into the fashion design school that he was looking at. (He had.)

He looks at Tony, who is nervously turning his coffee cup that’s already empty. He got nervous. Drank it all. His hands are jittery.

“Hey,” he says carefully. “Long time no see. What’s it been, twelve hours?”

“Something along those lines,” Tony says.

“What brings us here?”

“Feelings,” Tony responds, not even bothering to skirt around the subject. “I want to know why we broke up.”

“Long distance,” Bucky says.

“Bullshit,” Tony answers. “I know that’s bullshit. But I didn’t want to question it. Was there someone else for you, James? Was that it?”

“No,” Bucky responds. “I thought...I didn’t want to be the one to come between you and someone else.”

“And who would I have met?” Tony asks.

“Someone else,” Bucky responds, leaning back. He looks defeated. Tired.

“I didn’t want to meet anyone else,” Tony says. “I just liked that I met you. That I had you.”

Bucky looks at him.

“I didn’t want to break up,” he states. “I never wanted to. But I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“You never could,” Tony says, grinning. His eyes are teary. “Darling, you could never hold me back.”

He takes Bucky’s hand.

Gives it one squeeze.

“Ready to go home?”

“Yes.”

They walk down the street together, catching up on lost time. They both feel guilty. Both need to talk. But not now. Soon.

#lovelyirony writes #buckytony #winteriron #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #bucky barnes #tony stark #rhodey #pepper potts #james rhodes #war machine #iron man #black widow #captain america #rescue iron man #this is cute :) i like this one

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finnsgrin · 3 years

Text

John Murphy - Soulmate AU

John Murphy x reader

From my Wattpad: inanoncriminalwayy

GIF: captain-shurley

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Word Count: 1,680

Published on: August 22, 2020

TW: Blood and sickness

Spoilers: S1 E10

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Where the very first words your soulmate will say to you is tattooed on your wrist

John Murphy

♡Masterlist♡ You had always been envious of your friends and the tattoos on their wrists.

It wasn't the tattoo you were jealous of. Everyone on the Ark had one.

It was what their tattoos said that made your blood boil.

When you're born, you come with a tattoo on your wrist, and that tattoo consists of the first words your soulmate will say to you.

"I can't believe it's really you."

"You're so beautiful."

"My soulmate is the prettiest girl on the Ark."

Yeah, those were all of the things tattooed on your friends wrists.

What did yours say?

I think I'm going to throw up.

Yup. Those are the words written on you for the rest of your life.

You had gone over and over time and time again trying to imagine your first encounter with your soulmate.

All of your friends gushed over how cute their soulmates already were, while you pondered over the fact that your soulmate would be physically ill when he first met you.

You hid your wrist as much as possible, and were grateful when the wristband you were issued covered up the words you hated so much.

You met a lot of new people after being sent to the ground, and were relieved when days had gone by and you hadn't heard the words you dreaded.

After the malfunction that made all of the wristbands come off, you did what you could to hide the words.

Wearing long sleeves, making bracelets out of spare cord...

Almost a month had gone by, and you still didn't hear anyone complaining about being sick.

Until he came back.

You had never spoken to John Murphy.

Hell, you didn't even know what color his eyes were. You stayed as far away from his as possible, and, rightfully so.

You were among the first to be in contact with him after your best friend, Octavia Blake, had found him in the woods, beaten to a pulp.

After Clarke had determined biological warfare, you volunteered to help with the sick. It was inevitable that you were going to get sick anyway, you being one of the first to touch the ill boy, so you might as well help while you could. At least a dozen people were on their death beds, and the words on your wrist were just a memory in moments like these where it was life or death.

You were making rounds, passing out water, when he caught your eye.

Normally, the sight of the boy everyone despised in such anguish would having you smiling to yourself.

But this was different.

He was shaking. Beaten. Bruised and bloody. Vulnerable. Broken.

And it hurt you.

"How are you feeling?"

You crouched down next to him, frowning at the absence of his fingernails which had been ripped off by the Grounders.

His eyes met yours. They were blue. They reminded you of the sky. Up on the Ark, you used to sit for hours in front of the window that faced earth, and marvel at the blue. Coming to earth, you didn't expect the sky to be so... vivid and beautiful.

But his eyes were also full of panic.

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

Your heart stopped.

John Murphy?

Out of all of the people in the universe, your soulmate was John Murphy?

"Yeah, me too." You whispered.

You both sat in silence, and you waited for him to vomit, but he didn't. After simmering in the awkwardness, you eventually stood, and went around the dropship tending to the others.

The entire time, his eyes followed you.

Not soon after your encounter with your dreaded soulmate did you fall ill.

You were passing out water when you looked down in the cup to see that it had turned a crimson red. You frowned, confused. But the question to your curiosity was answered when you reached up to wipe your nose with the back of your hand, and were met with the blood that was dripping. Immediately, you called for Clarke, and she made you lay down in the only available spot which, go figure, was right next to Murphy.

You laid there in anguish, clenching your teeth together and tilting your head to the side when you felt the uncontrollable urge to vomit.

Someone was holding your hair back, and when you were finished emptying the contents of your stomach, you turned around to thank Clarke, who you presumed was the one who was helping.

But it wasn't Clarke. She was on the other side of the dropship tending to someone's wound.

Murphy looked better than he had an hour ago, and you awkwardly wiped the dribble off of your chin.

"Thank you." You croaked, your voice raw.

"It's the least I could do for my soulmate." The corner of his lips curled up into a smirk.

After sitting in more silence, he broke it.

"Did you think it would be me?" He asked you, propping himself up on his elbow.

You frowned.

"What?" You inquired.

"Did you think it would be me? Did you ever think you would get lucky enough to have me as your soulmate?" He smiled cockily.

You just scoffed, which turned into a hacking cough.

"I knew I was lucky the moment I understood what the words on my wrist meant." He whispered after you had gotten your breathing under control.

You blinked, confused once again for the millionth time that day.

He extended his right wrist to you, where the very first words you had ever spoken to him were.

How are you feeling?

You ran your index finger over the tattoo. His skin was rough and calloused.

"I knew that I was lucky, because the very first words my soulmate would ever say to me were asking how I was feeling. My soulmate was kind. Caring. Selfless." His voice had dropped even quieter, and you strained to hear him.

You smiled, and looked down at your wrist.

"I always thought my soulmate was an asshole." You smiled as he gently traced the words on your wrist. A jolt of electricity pulsed through you.

"Well, you weren't wrong." Murphy laughed once, and looked you in your (Y/C/E) eyes which were blotched red from all of coughing.

"You should get some rest." He pulled his hand away from your wrist, and you secretly longed for his touch.

Seriously, (Y/N) It's John Murphy. Maybe there was a mistake. There's no way he's my soulmate.

You tried to convince yourself of this. He had been so awful to everyone on the ground. How could someone as sweet as you be destined to someone as selfish as him?

"Yeah. Yeah, I should. We both should." You closed your eyes, and turned your head away from him in fear that you would end up staring at him.

Fatigue overcame you, and you thought of the irony of it all.

The very day you meet your soulmate might very well be the same day you both die.

"Murphy?" His name rolled effortlessly off your tounge.

He was quite for a moment.

"Yeah?" He whispered back, turning to face you.

A single tear rolled down your cheek, and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

"Please be here when I open my eyes." You whispered.

The last thing you remember before sinking into unconsciousness, was him taking your hand into his.

Miraculously, you both survived through the night. When you opened your eyes again, you were met with him gazing at you.

"Good morning." He greeted you with a small smile. The grovel in his voice was gone, and color had begun to return to his cheeks.

"Hi." You smiled softly, and swallowed, the pain in your throat gone.

Clarke examined the both of you, and explained that the sickness was a 24 hour thing, and you two should be fine now.

Both you and Murphy exited the dropship side by side to go get some water from the still.

You both walked slowly, your bones and joints still aching and sore.

"It wasn't just because I was sick that I said it." He broke the silence.

You raised an eyebrow, perplexed, and he held out his tattooed wrist.

You nodded in understanding, and motioned for him to continue.

"Yeah, I already felt sick, but the moment I realized you were my... soulmate," He smiled at the word, a blush creeping to his cheeks.

"I was so scared I was going to get you killed, (Y/N)," His eyes were full of sadness.

"If I lived, and if I got you killed, I wouldn't be able to live with myself." His words grew thick and weighed heavy.

You grabbed both of his hands with yours, and looked him in the eyes.

"But you didn't. And, even if you did, it wouldn't have been your fault." Your words were comforting to him, but he still blinked back tears.

"How is it that someone like me is destined to be with someone like you? A butterfly and a dungbeetle." He reached up his hand to push a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

"I don't think you would be a dungbettle. Maybe a stink bug." You smirked.

"Actually I was referring to myself as the butterfly. You would be the dungbettle," He laughed as you playfully smacked him on his shoulder.

"I know I haven't been the best person, but for you, I'm willing to change." He continued.

Your heart began to beat erratically as he leaned in for a sweet kiss. Although both of your lips were chapped, it was still the best kiss you bet you'd ever have.

"Hey! Keep your lips separated, or we're gonna have another outbreak. This time, mono!" You heard Octavia gag a few feet away from you.

You both flipped her off at the same time, and you heard someone chuckle.

"Yup. They're definitely meant for each other."

♡Masterlist♡

#the100 the100imagines the100xreader xreader xreaderimagines cwthe100 the100cw johnmurphy johnmurphyimagines the100murphy the100johnmurphy th

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littlerockerao3 · 3 years

Note

Honestly I have so many requests for the prompt thing but the top one is 88

Thanks dear😘 here it is!

88. “After everything… I’d still choose you”.

Trigger warning: blood.

~ ~ ~

Theon has never wanted to unbuckle his seatbelt, open the door and get out of the car as the car is going, so bad until now: it’s not one of those nights were they don’t say a word, silent disappointment filling up the car, both of them staring ahead at the road. No. This is one of those nights were they yell at each other until they’ll come home and one of them will eventually lay on the couch and not get up from there until the morning comes. Though there’s no couch in their hotel room, just like there’s no button to roll down the window in this fucking Neolithic rental car, cause everything has to suck, especially when it’s supposed not to suck.

Things have been wrong for a while, Theon knows this. Theon knows so damn well he and Robb are just trying to postpone as much as they can what’s about to come anyway: he knows why none of them is brave enough to call it quits, five years is a lot. And he’s aware that the only reason why Robb won’t let go of him is because by now he’s used to have him around and picturing life without him would be weird, since it’s always been just the two of them, even before they got together. But Theon is fully convinced Robb deserves better than him.

They decided to go on this small trip, call it holiday if you like, on their own to see if a couple of days away from all the people they know could do them some good. To see if being stuck with each other for a while, in a place where they know no one, would make them realize if they still like being stuck with each other. But the thing is, it’s not working.

It’s not working cause the hotel they’re staying at looks like a place where the person living next door could be a serial killer and you could be their next victim. And you have to wait five minutes for the water to finally stop being brown when it’s flowing out the faucet and both Theon and Robb refuse to take a bath in there. It’s not working cause they haven’t washed since they arrived and they stink. It’s not working cause the car they rent is a piece of garbage they spent too much money on. It’s not working cause Robb has already bought a ticket to go back home and hasn’t bought one for Theon, instead. It’s not working cause Robb is still trying his best and Theon is still not doing anything.

“It’s not fair that all you do is drink and flirt with other people while I’m the only one trying to make things work between us!” Robb shouts. Theon snores: yeah, he drank a beer but that was all, and it’s not like he cheated on Robb right in front of him, he just winked at a few pretty people, that’s all. Though, he’s too tired to replay.

“It’s not fair that you treat me like shit, that you treat what we have like shit, especially when I try to convince you to let me in when you’re sad” Robb goes on, and on and on.

Theon rests his head on the windshield, “I don’t treat you like shit” he says, cause he knows he’s supposed to say something.

“Yes you do!” Robb yells, his eyes are staring at the road in front of him and his hands are holding onto the steering wheel so hard Theon fears he’s going to break it.

“First you tell me your feelings are none of my business, then you stay out all night, you don’t come back home until the morning and suddenly you bought us two tickets to go... here” he points at the dry, deserted road in front of them, reminding Theon how dumbly he acts when he’s drunk. To be fair, it wasn’t Theon’s idea to go on a small vacation, it was Patrek’s. But Patrek was just as drunk as Theon was that night.

“Then”, Robb goes on, “you keep pushing me out. You barely even touch me anymore, you don’t even want to hold hands”

“We’re not teens anymore Robb, holding hands is dumb” Theon sighs, but Robb just shakes his head.

“Claiming that showing affection towards each other is dumb is dumb. Listen, if you’d just let me in again, maybe we could-”

Theon cuts him off before he can finish because he’s seen this movie before, “What? We could what? Seriously Robb, you can’t always fix everything”.

“I know, but this is worth fixing!”

No it’s not. “Is it? Cause you said it yourself: you’re the only one trying. You’re the only one caring of what we have.”

Robb shakes his head once again. He’s so stubborn and Theon loves him so much. But it’s time to let him go.

“You do care about us, Theon. It’s been five years, you showed me sides of you that I-” sides that Theon himself didn’t even know he had. Robb is right but he can’t know this, he can’t know Theon is still in love and will always be. He can’t, cause if he doesn’t, then he’ll start looking for someone better than Theon, someone who might actually treat him right.

“You don’t know shit, okay?!” He yells, “Stop trying to depict me as this misunderstood redeemable asshole who deserves another chance. Trying to make me be a better person is not going to make you a better person”.

Robb’s eyes widen, his jaw clenches, his grip on the wheel tightens, and Theon knows he’s hurt him. And caught him by surprise.

“You seriously-Robb’s voice gets unbelievably loud at that “seriously”-think I’m doing this for myself?! That I’m still holding on to us, to you, because that would make me a better person?!”

Theon doesn’t answer, he doesn’t even know what to say. He just wishes Robb would leave him, cause he’s too much of a coward, and he loves this gorgeous red haired asshole too much, to do it himself.

“What is wrong with you? Do you seriously think so little of yourself?” There’s a crack on Robb’s voice, as he turns to face Theon for just a brief second, one tear sliding down his cheek.

“Do you really think the only reason why I care about you, why I’m working my ass off to make this work after five years, is because being kind is what good people are supposed to do?!”

Theon still doesn’t answer. He would like to cry too. But he won’t. Cause he’s too proud for that shit, he’s too much of a dick. He just let Robb keep on screaming.

“I care about you cause I am desperately in love with you, even after all these years. Because you are the best person I’ve ever had in my life. Because I’m fucking selfish and I don’t want the man I love to leave me!”

He’s sobbing now, Robb is sobbing. He rarely cries, when he does it’s because of Theon. It’s always because of Theon and that’s why Robb needs him to leave. But such words just don’t seem to want to come out Theon’s mouth.

“You don’t act like you care about us anymore. I know. Cause I know you and I know you think you’re not enough for me” Robb wipes a tear away from his face with the palm of his hand, “and yeah you’ve done some dumb shit over these years, especially lately. But I don’t care, I love you too much to care. Cause after all this time I can’t picture my life without you, with somebody other than you. I don’t want to. I don’t care what you think Theon, about yourself or us. Whatever happens, after everything... I’d still choose you.”

It’s in that moment that tears start dripping down Theon’s face as well, but he doesn’t notice it. All he can see are those flashing lights coming out of nowhere, then it’s all white and everything hurts as the car spins around. The sound of the crash is the loudest noise he’s ever heard, and he knows, he knows common sense would want him to use his arms and hands to cover himself but all he can do right now is extend his hand and try to grab Robb’s. He barely manages to touch his arm, to feel his tense skin against his fingertips, and there’s another crash.

Then it all stops.

Theon opens his eyes, then he wishes he never did. There’s blood all over Robb. He’s still breathing, but he’s bleeding. The windscreen is completely destroyed, splinters of glass scattered all around them, all around Robb. And Theon doesn’t realize how the fuck is it possible that Robb’s hurt and he’s not.

“Robb” he whispers, extending a hand to cup his face. There’s a deep cut on his forehead, it’s going to leave a scar that Robb’s going to hate and that Theon is going to kiss everyday, if things turn out to be just fine. Which he fear they might not.

“Robb, look at me” he pleads. He sees those gorgeous blue eyes slowly open and stare at him, his cut lower lip trembling.

“It’s going to be okay” Theon says, then rushes to grab his phone. It’s broken, but it’s still working. He holds Robb’s hand a little too tight as he’s calling the ambulance, but he doesn’t care: Robb hisses because of the pain and if you’re in pain it means you’re actually feeling something, right? He answers a few questions, he even lets go of Robb for a moment to see if there’s another car or person nearby that might be hurt as well. Then he hungs up and focus all his attention on Robb again.

“The ambulance is coming, baby” he says, “Talk to me, please”.

Robb makes an exhausted sound (why, why is he so hurt if Theon’s okay?), and his voice comes out raspy, “I love you”.

Theon shakes his head: no, this can’t be happening.

“Robb. Don’t talk like this, you’re not about to die. You’re twenty-four, for fuck’s sake” Theon cups his boyfriend’s face, kisses his nose, sobs a little.

“You can’t leave me, not like this” where the fuck is that ambulance?

Robb moves his head a little to gently brush his nose against Theon’s, “I love you and I’d always choose you, love. You’re the only one I want to be with”.

Theon fights a sob and presses his forehead onto Robb’s, “Then you better keep your eyes open and keep talking to me. Never thought I’d say this but I need you to be fucking stubborn and fight the urge to close your eyes”.

Robb laughs gently, then hisses in pain. “Maybe-”

“Maybe my ass, Robb. You’re not leaving me. I promise I’ll be a better man, a better friend, a better boyfriend, but you’re not leaving me. We’re staying together”, he kisses Robb’s cheeks, feels his lips touching the blood but tries not to mind it, cause he need to keep himself as close to Robb as possible.

When he hears the siren, he almost shouts in relief. He runs a hand through Robb’s hair and tries to smile at him, cause it’s almost over, soon he’s going to be okay. “I need you to stay strong just a few more minutes, okay baby? Just a few more minutes and then you’ll be okay.”

Robb’s hand rises slowly to cup Theon’s cheek, and Theon is quick enough to cover it with his palm. Please don’t leave me, I don’t want you to leave. I can’t imagine my life without you either.

“I love you” Robb says, so softly Theon can barely hear him, and presses a small, weak kiss on his lips.

Next thing Theon knows is that he’s in the hospital, Robb is nowhere to be seen and people keep asking him if he needs help. All that white around him is blinding and not comforting at all. He thinks that hospitals should be more colourful, to ease all the dramatic shit that happens in there. He thinks that if Robb doesn’t make it he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. How is he going to tell his family? How is he going to live without him? How could he care so little of his relationship with Robb? No, the truth is that he always cared, he always cared about Robb, but he’s never felt good enough for him. Now he doesn’t care if he’s n0t enough for him, he just wants to hold him, kiss him, hear his voice, go home with him, spend the rest of his life with him. If Robb doesn’t make it... Theon’s not going to make it either.

“Sir-”

He realizes he’s been curled in a ball on a chair, head between his knees, hands in his hair, only when the voice of the doctor causes him to jump back on his feet. He can only understand a couple words: lots of blood, concussion, glass, crash, lucky, alright, he’s alright, Robb’s alright.

His knees feel week and wobbly but the sudden relief is what keeps him standing: Robb’s alright. Robb’s alright.

“Can I see him?” He asks, though he’s already crying again. He lets the doctor guide him to the nearest room, open the door and let him in. Robb is staring at him: he’s all patched, he needs a shower and at least twelve hours of sleep but he’s smiling and he looks fine.

Theon runs a hand through his hair as he approaches him, “If you dared dying in front of me, I swear to God, Robb, I would have killed you”.

At the last “you” Theon’s voice cracks, as he plops down on the chair and starts sobbing, Robb’s hand gently caressing his hair.

“Shh, love”

“I’m so sorry”

“It’s okay”

Theon shakes his head, “It’s not. I only realized how much I want us to last only when I seriously could have lost you forever, I-”

“Theon” Robb says firmly. Theon raises his head, enough to look him in the eyes, those gorgeous baby blue eyes. “Shut the fuck up”.

He doesn’t know why that makes him laugh, but Robb is laughing too and that’s all he need to hear. He grabs his boyfriend’s arm with both his hands and start kissing those freckled, and now bruised, knuckles, whispering small “I love you”s.

“Say that to my face” Robb says, and Theon doesn’t need him to say it again: now he’s pressing small kisses on Robb’s lips, as gently as he can cause he’s scared he might hurt him, and the feeling of Robb’s hand touching him makes Theon feel safe, at home, with Robb where he belongs.

“I want to eat a huge breakfast tomorrow, I deserve it” says Robb, suddenly, causing Theon to stop kissing him.

“Of course, whatever you want” Theon replies, “Though we’ll have to look for a decent place, the food at the hotel fucking sucks”

Robb chuckles, wipes a tear away from Theon’s cheek and goes on talking, “Then I want to cuddle with you all day. Rent a movie, eat junk food. Call my mum and ask her how Grey Wind is doing... and maybe tell her I almost died, too.”

“We can do whatever you want, whenever you want. I’m not going anywhere” Theon grabs Robb’s hand, holds it tight.

Robb is still smiling and now so is he. Maybe he still thinks his personality is not enough for Robb, and that Robb deserves a better person. But nobody is ever going to love him as much as Theon does and that’s pretty much all Robb is asking. Which is good, cause they’re stuck with each other now. And always.

#I DIDN’T RE/PROOF READ THIS SORRY IF IT SUCKS LOL #throbb #theon x robb #for once in my life I wrote angst #I’m posting this on ao3 in a few too #lucisdemon #angst with a happy ending #I’m a sucker for happy endings #they already had their sad ending in canon we don’t need that in fiction too.

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homestuckexamination · 3 years

Text

Selfish Vs Unselfish

Jesus. Yeah I have nothing to comment here, I’m going to read this later when I haven’t just woken up.

You know the drill. Put it under ‘Read More’. A matter of perspective it can be, but there can be an objective truth to sort that out. Let me e x p a n d on this matter using Homestuck and some philosophy. And for those who missed the last ask on Active/Passive divide, please do remember that these labels are on a continuum, not strictly boxed categories. “UNSELFISH” or UNSELFISH - The passive classes lean more to this. How? By being group-oriented. Like support classes in RPGs, their asset comes mainly from a drive to benefit others. Roxy is one of the best examples of this. While she was passive-aggressive in her pursuit of romance, she is ultimately willing to put her self aside and bettering herself if that meant making sure the group stays together. She does this by, to quote Dirk, never turning the tables to make a talk about her when she knows her friend needs something.

TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin TG: i mean if you want to know GG: Yes. GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time. GG: And I didn’t say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn’t doing the right thing before. GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink? GG: Was I just being a bad friend? TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

She wants to be of use to her group. However, the downside to this is that, as passively Roxy can be, she often needs them as well.

TG: and now dirk knows that too and for some reason letting him down feels like the worst part?? TG: which is equally lame and weak cuz i should care for my own sake not for how it makes a dude see me but it still just really bothers me ???

TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter

TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits

How would you know if a class is truly passive when a character just been a really selfish a-hole through the story? It’s how they mainly rely on others as well. Let’s use Aranea as the main example of a selfish passive Sylph of Light that tries to emulate a Thief. Aranea says that Sylph is a healer type of class that involves boosting others, even excessively. However, while she claims that she merely wants to help and shepard the Alpha timeline by taking control of it, Meenah says otherwise. What Aranea has been doing is a self-aggrandizing act to get into the spotlight and not sit on the sidelines anymore, much like her fellow Serket. Like Kanaya, she is meddlesome. She asserts that what she does is for the good of all, even if that means doing something others would object to. They don’t want that. But, she does it anyway.

At first, she complies when the recipient refuses, but when it eventually comes to her ultimate takeover plan, everyone else comes second. She may believe that she’s just granting their wishes, but her underlying motive is ultimately selfish- albeit by excessively “helping” others for her own cause. Aranea failed to learn what Mindfang did:

“8ut as I sit here deciding what to do with the damna8le little sphere, I understand my error. It was not in failing to chart a course through future events to turn my fortune’s tide, even so many sweeps from now. It was in 8elieving the future was mind to know, and fortune mine to control.”

Now let’s use Rufioh and compare him to Roxy. Both of them are Rogues. Both of them are group-oriented characters that act selfishly from time-to-time. The difference is that Rufioh is more selfish. He’s extremely affable to the point of being a doormat to please others all while trying to be polite about romantic advances despite being a flirt himself. He’s reluctant to voice his own reason that he wants to leave his matespritship with Horuss. Sounds familiar? He’s the Jake of the love triangle. Rufioh cheated on Damara and never takes responsibility from it, focusing on Damara being a crazed scorned girl.

Passive players that fail to balance supporting others and fulfilling their own desires often end up being thrown in a loop. Forcing your solution solution on others for 'their own good’ is selfish. Your concern on how others perceive you may be sprouted from your own insecurity. Whenever you make a donation to the less fortunate, how can you be certain it’s not without the purpose of staving off guilt, doing it because it simply aligns with your moral code, or because it feels good?

AG: I decided not to, 8ecause I didn’t want to 8e the one to make you sad about it.

AG: Was that selfish of me? I dunno.

It’s a gem to see volunteers whose instincts are to help people to make life more bearable, mind you. But they’re also doing that because they want to see them better and it’s often their own desire to do so and fulfill that dream.

ENLIGHTENED VS UNENLIGHTENED SELFISHNESS

-I’ve rambled on this a bit. Here’s a recap:

*Unenlightened Selfishness is… pretty much the archetypal self-centeredness that makes people jerks. It’s whenever you do something for yourself with little to no regard to other people’s desires. It’s the greedy shark hoarding all the treasure. It’s when you try to justify your actions with a perspective of “everyone else is selfish, so I’m entitled to be an asshole to everyone too”.

*Enlightened Selfishness or Enlightened Self-Interest is the opposite. It’s when you respect that everyone has their own wants and needs by compromising and coinciding them with your own. It’s like a deal. It’s the Golden Rule. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. It’s when you do things for other people for the good you’ll get from it, even when the payment is simple politeness and being generally nice. Society expects each individual to benefit the community in turn by working. We work with the expectation that others work for us. Unlike the first, this form of self-interest benefits both parties. Another term is Selfish Altruism.

We see an exercise of selfishness burning brightly through Vriska’s arc.

(VRISKA): I’m not a loser though! (VRISKA): I LIKE who I’ve 8ecome. (VRISKA): I actually feel happy and good a8out my life for the first time in… may8e forever?? (VRISKA): Like, ACTUALLY good a8out my life in a way that feels real, instead of forced. Don’t you realize that’s what it was like for us? VRISKA: You don’t have a life! VRISKA: You’re DEAD, remem8er? VRISKA: I’m the one with the life! VRISKA: And I fully intend to use it in a relevant and constructive way to help 8ring an end to all the horri8le shit that’s 8een going on for way too long. VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing? VRISKA: No, o8viously not. VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling “happy”, and… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing here? VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit. VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful. VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??

Vriska is accusing (Vriska) for being selfish despite being selfish herself. Remember her popular hero quote?

VRISKA: I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don’t need a magic ring to do that. VRISKA: You don’t have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant. VRISKA: And you don’t have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero. VRISKA: You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. VRISKA: So I’m going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.

VRISKA: 8y 8eing me.

And a few panels after that, she does this.

VRISKA: OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! VRISKA: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! VRISKA: WE’RE G8ING TO LOOK AT WH8T’S IN THIS CH8ST RIGHT N8W!!!!!!!! VRISKA: DO YOU HE8R ME Y8U F8CK? VRISKA: I D8DN’T SCRAPE AND CLAW MY W8Y 8ACK TO RELEV8NCE F8R THIS SHIT! VRISKA: I’M DOING S8METHING F8CKING IMPORTANT! AND WHEN I DO SOMETH8NG FUCKING IMPORT8NT, EVERY88DY 8ETTER D8MN WELL PAY ATT8NTION TO ME!!!!!!!!

Sure, her resurrection got everyone’s attention, but also annoyance. A lot of their personal problems aren’t truly solved, just put on a temporary chokehold by someone with a stubborn, assertive personality. She’s taking charge so that her team won’t be in poor condition for the big fight, but also to, well, be in the spotlight. She doesn’t care how others think of her, she just wants to help… but also because it makes her important, even if that means overpowering her friends, including her moirail Terezi. Vriska’s the active counterpart to Roxy in both class and aspect. A positive part of this is that it’s easier for Vriska and other folks like her to be self-driven.

…

What am I getting at? It’s a matter of intention. Are they doing it to mainly benefit others? Or are they acting to benefit themselves? Even if it’s grey, there’s often a tint or shade that’s lighter or darker that makes someone lean somewhere. It doesn’t matter how they see themselves and how they perceive their own actions, it’s their motivation that defines the line. Accidents don’t count. It’s the will. Looking at one’s intention is a way to objectively sift through the blurriness of it their actions, even when said intention is subconscious. You can also simply take the Active/Passive divide on strictly class roles in terms of RPG abilities alone if you’re not keen on the personalities of the bunch.

#Class #Fanon #HSE #Long Post #Longpost #Submission #submission

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yetanothertaylor · 3 years

Text

Fuck it, honesty hour

Since I really don’t have anyone in my life to talk to, let’s go to my gooooood friend Tumblr to deal with my inconsequential homosexual bullshit. So.

On top of working from/living at work (however you view current affairs because both feel accurate) and an ongoing pandemic impacting our lives and our normal way of coping through life, I’ve just been either meh as hell, stressed or sad.

Work is stressful. I’ve been hearing “it’ll get better” like I’m a bullied thirteen year old closet case who can’t walk to the choir building without fear for his life again. That’s a fun feeling to experience again. Who needs Agatha Harkness to relive past trauma?

Because of the pandemic, my stress relieving hobbies are nonexistent now. I can kind of still do theatre, but the stress of trying to produce shows during a pandemic and unknown restrictions neutralizes any stress that is relieved.

But most of all (and trust me, I fucking hate that this is what’s controlling my sadness) is how mother fucking lonely I feel. After my last relationship ended with getting socked in the face by my ex and the majority of the LGBTQ+ community in the area taking his side because he’s from here, I’ve felt really fucking shitty for over a damn year. I feel like I haven’t been able to express that feeling without getting attacked on social media for saying “I feel like shit and fuck my ex and his friends for making me feel this way.” It’s as if any ties I had to our community, and I use that term loosely, are severed and burned. They’re done. So yeah, we’re in a pandemic and we should all be suffering through bouts of loneliness and lack of sex right? Wrong. I seem to be the only person in (what’s left of) my friend group not fucking multiple people a week or talking to someone with mutual interest. That is just more fuel to the fire of insecurity. Am I that unappealing and unattractive that nobody wants to talk to me? And I say that at the risk of sounding shallow as hell. Because it feels like the only people who want to interact with me I have zero interest in. There’s no physical attraction, no sense of intellectual connection, and ZERO personality that makes me want to have a conversation with them.

So why am I bitching on Tumblr instead of talking to a friend? Hmmm... let’s see. None of my female friends I feel close enough to to disclose this type of information without concern that I’m talking about a mutual friend. Any of my gay friends (with one glaring exception, stay tuned) that still like me, just wanna fuck me. They’re my friends for one reason or another. I either value the friendship too much, don’t have a romantic connection, or don’t want to pursue a further relationship with them. That’s stressful because I feel like there’s no way to express that stance without sounding like a dick even when they’re being as subtle as an elephant in a minefield about wanting me to fuck them or date them. So I can’t say woah is me to any of them because for SOME REASON they think “I’d fuck you” will make me feel better about feeling unloved and unwanted. Maybe I’m just a fucking asshole, but that just comes across as selfish on their part using my insecurity for their gain. I don’t know.

Oh yeah, the glaring exception. So my roommate is my best fucking friend in the world. We’ve been friends for 7 years, and that’s the longest friendship I’ve honestly ever maintained. So all has been good the past few years we’ve lived together. Our friendship started as FWB in college. For a minute, there was dating potential but neither of us were at a place to seriously consider it. Flash forward a few years, and we’re now housemates. I’ve always secretly harbored feelings for him and used that as a gauge for if it truly liked a guy. I figured it was a safe metric since we’d never be more than friends again. But then he starts flirting with me around the house and we start having random hookups. That titillates stupid Taylor’s feelings. I start hearing the things I’ve dreamed of hearing from him for years. But it’s so infrequent. I know he’s fucking multiple random people when I can barely get a “hello” for someone on Grindr/Tinder/Scruff/Hinge (I’m trying y’all). I’m sitting here in bed after too much Crown feeling down. I feel like my low self esteem has made me his sex toy whenever he can’t get anything better because I’m 15 feet away. It’s just a sucky feeling, and I know I need to address it with him. I just don’t know how to handle it because we’ve never talked about our hookups outside of the heat of the moment.

So yeah, just needed to get that off of my chest. I doubt anyone read that, and if you did I am so very sorry. Maybe sober Taylor will read this and feel some type of way. If you could DM him some positive words of encouragement, I think he’d appreciate it. Sorry.

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jrueships · 3 years

Note

got any Kyle/demar thoughts? I’m looking to be in pain and scrolling through your masterpiece of a blog

AWWWW that's so nice of u to say! Thank u so much for enjoying my random spirals on this blog LMAO fr that's so sweet!!

NOW ABOUT... T H E M.

I have SOME kyle/demar thoughts but sadly like.. not a TON... which is weird because they're literally one of my top fav ships and the first ship I saw that really got me into sports tumblr LMAO. So it's not like I DONT think about it because I DO but I think they're just so popular with so many other supporters and analysts of their ship that it's like??? What thoughts can I have that a greater tumblr nba gay historian has already thought LMAO

BUT LIKE. I THINK ABOUT THEM NONETHELESS. My thoughts are just like?? Very plain to me tho idk!!! I hope u like them either way tho!!!!

So like.... uhh... you want sad!!! Hmm!! I can give that!! That's also what makes kyle/demar so great like... you can focus on the sad parts of their relationship if you want, the goofy, or the soft! It's a whole package deal of different emotions! BUT ANYWAYS UH

I'm SERIOUSLY not an astrology knowledge expert like FR I have no idea what a rising is or stuff so... u can take any mistakes I make in saying this with a grain of salt BUT

Demar is a Leo and like.. that just sticks out to me. I think most like??? Regular zodiac analysts like to think that ALL Leos are extroverted, selfish, comedic braggarts with a lot of pride because uhh?? It's a lion I guess? And lions are used to being the head of the pride so. King mentality but like... demar isn't like that. He's in that special category of leos that are generally super quiet, but like FLIP A SWITCH only when they're with a really trusted friend. As long as they're with people they trust enough and feel confident enough with, they're going to show a louder part of their personality! But ONLY if they're with the specific people they CHOSE to let see it... and that takes a lot of trust and time and love... and demar being so happy and having so many antics with Kyle just really exemplifies the amount of devotion he has for him. Those kinda leos and their relationships are just really beautiful to me because they're usually pretty cool with everyone, but they pick like ONE (or just a few) specific people to devote all their trust and care into because they truly believe that that person will give it back. They're an introvert who's willing to turn extrovert all for one person who they believe deserves to see it and wants to see it. It's a very special and deep relationship that often develops without them even knowing how tbh! They just know that they've made best friends with that person they chose and they're gonna stay best friends as long as they live and breathe.

Leos like that really Value their one special relationship.. they sometimes believe they'll never have another one like it and are therefore afraid of losing it... secretly, but powerfully, they get worried easily about the other person not devoting as much care into the relationship as them. About that one person who they chose to put above air, moving on like the friendship was merely another footnote in a book that bored them.

And at the start, that would have been easy for Kyle to do.

Kyle sets goals and he gets them quick. He's an Aries, and that probably means something but I don't know much about aries so. I'll leave it at that LMAO. Anyways... what I mean is that like? Just because Kyle is cute n small and kinda giggly (especially when he's with demar) DOESNT mean he can't be a stubborn, prickly, and determined asshole. He can put certain things aside for a purpose that he thinks is better. He put aside his hurt at the demar trade to work for a championship with kawhi. And like. Yeah. I personally think the best think about Aries is loyalty, which is why Leos and Aries make such great friends. Shared loyalty, with the Aries remaining loyal to whoever helped them soften up their stubborness to allow some?? Self like... soothing to themselves? Because Aries can sometimes put aside too much for something that it gets unhealthy... and the leos remaining loyal to whoever they believe deserve it.

what I mean is that he'll always be loyal to demar even though he's having all this fun with kawhi. Because Demar was the one who bent down and whispered that he was always going to be there with him, even after the fact that Kyle missed a shot that could've won them an advancement. He was the one who let Kyle know that it's going to be okay and he'll always be there for him. And knowing that really helped settle Kyle's persistent??? Running. I guess. Either toward or from something, I don't know and I don't think Kyle knows either but.. yeah. Demar was the one who let Kyle know that he has someone in his corner and he's not fighting for something all alone. And Kyle, this guy who makes sure not to devote himself Too much into things, to make sure he doesn't let himself enjoy something for too much or too long... let himself relax for Demar because Demar let him know that it was okay.

So he'll never forget Demar for that.

But despite that loyalty, I think Demar still worries. Worried about losing someone that he never thinks he'll ever find again all because he couldn't play basketball better. He's been traded for 'a real superstar that can actually lead the north', and here's kyle... laughing with the Real Superstar. Smiling with The Real Superstar. Possibly even having a better relationship with The Real Superstar that overshadows the one he had with Demar.

And that's scary. Because it's a selfish worry, to not want someone to enjoy something with someone else as much as they enjoyed it with you... but he can't help but (quietly) want that because he's afraid. And he's alone. And he feels like he's going to lose the one person he chose to keep with him forever.

And that's scary. Really, really scary.

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xjamlessparkx · 4 years

Text

betray | pjm | kth | 11 | end

summary: in which taehyung leaves you on the day of your wedding to run off with your best friend and you finding out about their secret

pairing: park jimin x reader | kim taehyung x reader

genre: angst

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 [m.list]

(a/n: hello my wonderful readers and followers who support me through this shitty ass series haha, i am so thankful for each one of you. for reading, liking, commenting and sharing this series. i let you all wait for so long and again i want to apologize. and also i was thinking about writing a sequel to this series. if you’re interested in reading it, let me know because i already started writing it! enjoy the last chapter. i love you all!)

"What if I like the idea of being your boyfriend?"

The room went silent and you two stared at each other for a long time. You froze in your place, not being able to move an inch. Your mouth dropped open. But then you started chuckling which turned into loud laughter.

"That was a good one, Jimin!" you shut your eyes not being able to stop your laughter. He was silent and didn't even smile back. Your smile dropped and you furrowed your eyebrows.

"Are you serious?" you asked him, getting no reply. Suddenly, you felt strange and you couldn't tell your emotions apart.

"Y/N" he started as he stood up, avoiding your surprised gaze, "I, I don't know how to start actually. I know that this could be the end of our friendship but I really don't care anymore." he sighed, turning back to you to stare at you.

"I like you. Like, a lot. I really like you and not only as a friend. The first day you entered the staff room, I was overwhelmed by your smile and when you sat down next to me I tried my best to act cool. I surely failed, didn't I? But then I got to know you. Your mysterious sides and the sides everyone knew about. I wanted to know you more and more. You remember the first days where I told you about the staff reservations we made in that cafe? But it was only you who came and the others turned out to be busy? Well, that's a big lie because we never went out with our staff members... I only wanted to spend time with you without being afraid of getting rejected. Yeah." he chuckled and stepped closer to you.

"We became friends, immediately and learned so much more about you. I can't even put it in words. You mean so much to me and I can't stand the fact that this asshole is still tossing around you without feeling guilty. I can't see your sad face anymore whenever you see them or even their son. Shit! I hate them for hurting you even though I don't know them." he went through his hair, feeling a little lost in his own words. He felt like he mixed everything together.

"Jimin" you softly breathed out and were cut off by him.

"You, you don't have to answer me now. I don't want to rush anything and I don't want to force you into something you don't feel comfortable with. Think about it! Take your time, as much you want ..." his voice was getting quieter by each word and you felt sad that you couldn't say anything. As if your mouth was glued together. You weren't shocked, just a little surprised. All of a sudden, he confessed and it made you feel irritated. You weren't sure of your feelings for him. Was it more than friendship or did you only like the idea of him being by your side, comforting you. It was completely selfish to think that way but you couldn't help but think rationally. He didn't know what to say and slowly left the room.

You turned around and stared at the door.

Yes, Taehyung hurt you so much. He betrayed you and completely played with your feelings but that doesn't mean that anyone else would do that, right? After all, you knew Jimin and how humble he was, he wouldn't even dare to kill a fly. You still weren't sure about whether you were ready for a relationship or not. You admired him by appreciating you and your decisions. As for now, you didn't know what to answer and you surely knew that this would be only awkward for the two of you.

Now, you had something to take care of, though.

You took your phone and dialed Taehyungs number.

"Y/N??" he was surprised about your call but without going into further detail you replied.

"I want to talk to you. The last time." you said and told him the location. He didn't even hesitate when he agreed and came to the location.

The night was beautiful tonight. Something about today was special but you didn't know what. You smiled when you watched the stars illuminating the earth.

"Y/N?" a deep voice called you from behind. You turned around to be met at the glance of Taehyung. You took a deep breath before walking up to him.

"Are you cold?" he asked as he wanted to remove his jacket but you stopped him while shaking your head.

"Why did you hit Jimin?" you crossed your arms in front of your chest and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"When you asked me to come only to talk about that jerk I will leave-" you interrupted him.

"Can you stop acting so childish? You're an adult and you have a son! You're a freaking father but act like a child yourself." you hissed and stepped closer.

"I don't know what you aim for. You and Somin." you sighed and stared at him.

"Y/N. I just want you to forgive me. As much as I wish to return time, I know it's impossible" he mumbled and you let him talk. "I don't deserve you and it makes me sick to know that you belong to some other man"

"So you're not letting me be happy?" you asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"No. I, I hate myself for ruining us ..." he groaned loudly, as he kicked a stone from the ground. "I'm a horrible human being. I can't even let you be happy"

"Taehyung I am happy" you said, even though deep down you still weren't over that awful day. You just wanted to make him feel a little better. It was time to break the cold ice and talk to each other like adults do. What he did wasn't right and of course, you wouldn't ever be able to forget about that day but still, you wanted to set an end to this chapter of your life. An official ending.

"You should now focus on your own life and your family. I am okay. I, I did forgave you" you weren't sure about the last part but you were sincere about the other words. "Junho. He needs a father. He struggles in school. He needs a friend and a father who is by his side. You should focus on your son and his happiness before you ever think about something else" you said. He stared into your eyes, intensely. He knew that you were right. He couldn't really focus on his own child because of the circumstances. After all, it was you who popped up in his mind every time his eyes met Junho's. Instant regret filled his mind and made him suffer. He wasn't sure about Somin's feelings though but he could tell that it didn't affect her that much.

"I know that you're a good person. What you did was awful but you, you're not of an awful person. Well, depends actually" you chuckled, feeling the burn in your throat while you talked. "I don't want to be a barrier to your happiness in your own family."

"Y/N, stop being so generous. I'll feel more wretched" he interrupted you.

"I'm not generous. I just say what I feel," you mumbled.

"Y/N, what I did to you. It was nothing but awful and as much as I want you to forgive me, as much as you tell me that you forgave me I can't ever forgive myself" you were quiet, not sure about what to say. "Me and Somin, we were never meant to be-" he stopped mid-sentence and you talked further.

"Taehyung, what you and Somin are doing is not okay. If you don't feel happy in a relationship then you must let go instead of pretending to be a perfect family. I worry about Junho. He, he is innocent and finding out that his parents only acted as if they're married would make him feel not only sad but probably depressed. Stop the toxic games which you're involved in and start telling the truth. It's for the best" you clarified.

He bit his lip, trying to think of something. "I just wanted to say this. It was a burden for me which I wanted to get rid of... what kind of decision you make doesn't concern me at all. It's your life" you said before he could get into further detail about his relationship. "I have one wish," you stared as he nodded. "I don't want to get confronted with my past every now. I promised myself to never cry for the same reason again. I want to go back to the time where I never met you. In which I never knew you" you whispered, loud enough for him to hear. He knew what you meant and just looked at the ground. With that you wanted to close the book officially, throwing it away and not even glancing back at it.

After today you wanted to delete every memory with him and erase everything which had a connection with him. Including Junho. For the sake of your happiness, you wanted to give in your resignation letter and look for another job. It this is the only way to stop the ache then you would accept it.

Even though it will be strange to suddenly stop talking to the person you thought you would marry.

After leaving for the US you were sure to come back as a new and happier person but you didn't and the only reason for that was that you weren't able to set an end to this chapter of your life. After getting answered so many questions, after talking with the two of them you could tell that the pain wasn't as harmful and strong as before. It's still there but it doesn't hurt you anymore. Especially after meeting Jimin.

An awkward atmosphere was approaching your conversation and you bit your lip. Here you are, talking with the person you thought you would marry. It didn't hurt as much as your first conversation, though. It was silent and you could hear your breathing.

"What about you? Are you happy with him?" he suddenly asked, making you lift your head. At first, you were confused about what he meant but then you thought back to Jimin's confession. You tried to think about a good answer when the words escaped your mouth by itself. Sincere words that came from deep in your heart.

"Happy? It feels like I'm walking on air." At that moment you realized what you've just said. You looked up to Taehyung, staring seriously at you.

"Since I returned to Korea he hadn't left my side. Not even once. He was always by my side. He really did everything for me. Made me laugh on my worst days and helped me through a lot. He showed me the bright sides of the world and that's it not only about hurting someone else but rather giving them love and hope. I'm crazy -" the last part you referred to yourself for taking so long to realize.

"I hope he treats you right," he mumbled, looking down.

He does, but were you treating him right?

Your eyes widened as you walked some steps backward. You bit your lip.

"I have to go" you said as you turned around without looking back. Without noticing you felt your feet start running until you were sprinting down the road. Your high-heels were making your race harder as it seemed. You sighed as you kicked them off your feet and bend down to grab them in your hands. You didn't care about the pain you felt, every time your bare feet touched the cold ground. It was a relief that his house wasn't as far as from the school. You hoped for him to be at home so you could jump into his arms.

How could you be so stupid to realize that Jimin was the only one for you? Your first meeting, the time you find yourself in his arms rather than the ones you desired to be in or how he listened to you carefully and sincerely. His angelic voice made you fly high and his pouty lips which you nearly kissed. The thought of kissing him was making you go insane.

A huge smile was appearing on your face once you saw his house and the lights which were open. Without looking for the traffic you ran to the other side of the street.

You reached his small gate and went to his front door, ringing the bell like crazy. You panting loudly since you didn't stop running even if it was a small second. Feeling the heat that surrounded you slowly, obviously, you were sweating like crazy. Finally, the door opened with a surprised Jimin eyeing you up and down.

"Y/N, are-" you cut him off.

"I like you" you mumbled, trying to catch the words since you panted so hard.

His eyes widened. "What?" you weren't sure if he asked because he wanted a clarification or if he really didn't understand.

"I like you Jimin!" you shouted as loud enough for the neighbors to hear. The smile didn't leave your face and you saw Jimin smirking too. Suddenly he pulled you in and grabbed your waist, leaning in.

"You have no idea of how long I've waited for this moment" he whispered in a husky voice as his lips finally touched yours.

____

taglist: @abehavedtinychild @helloitsai @honeycutelove @jordank139 @amongtheflauwers @ximaginx @rjsmochii @my-yehet-is-your-ohorat @sinnehe @simplykiersten @uwuteamleader @d-noona @officially-emo @odditiesanddeities @moon6rop @readbeneaththelines @imagining-constantly @somewhereinthestarss @saikohori @itsxquxxn @till-the-end-oftheline @salty-for-suga @scvkjinrecs @srwbry @homeorbust @letholigicablogs @jaienn @elizabethhan

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roguephoenix85 · 3 years

Text

Excuse me but fuck Zeke

So Zeke wanting to euthanize his own people - a okay! But he’s so sympathetic and his backstory so sad! He outright murdered a bunch of people of Paradis and the entire Survey Corps including Erwin and that’s fine? A people that HE IS A PART OF AND SELF LOATHES THAT HE’S ESSENTIALLY COMMITTING GENOCIDE TOO!

But EREN. Oh noooooo Eren bad. For eliminating 80% of the world to even the odds against his people when THE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS THEM TO BE THE BIG BAD FOR WORLD UNITY. “We must let the world punish us for our ancestors’ crimes.” I would LOVE to hear you say that to people who have been marginalized in US society and tell me that you’d tell them that to their faces. You’d tell black people terrorized by the police and the justice system that. You’d tell migrants seeking asylum that. You’d tell the AAPI community who are getting brutalized IN THE STREETS FOR EXISTING THAT.

Some of you have never been openly discriminated against or targeted for who you are and it shows. You don’t get to extoll Zeke and in the same breath say Eren is the worst one just because the amount of people Zeke seeks to eliminate is smaller than Eren’s. He’s a fucking school shooter. He hates his own people because his dad was a dick so instead of just being mad at his dad, you guys think it’s fine that he takes it out ON HIS OWN PEOPLE. That’s EXACTLY what school/mass/white supremacist shooters do. Do you celebrate the Sandy Hook shooter because awwww his life must have been really hard so it’s fine that he murdered children and then took himself out? Of COURSE you don’t! He’s a fuckin asshole who took his bullshit out on innocent people. He was protecting NO ONE. ZEKE IS PURSUING A PERSONAL GOAL BASED ON A PERSONAL WRONG AND IT’S IN NO ONE’S INTEREST BUT HIMSELF AND THE FASCIST COUNTRY HE CHOSE.

So tell me - how is it that EREN is the worse one when what he did was to ultimately protect his people and ensure their right to live by scapegoating himself? The king was a fuckface for being a self-loathing asshole and messing with his people’s memories and bodies to alleviate his own sense of guilt. Eren fucked with his friends’ memories so that he could create the narrative they saved humanity and ultimately protected everyone left on the island. Why is what he did WORSE than Zeke? Just because it involved more people?

Zeke sought to kill his own people out of a sense of revenge against his father and to “eliminate suffering” when guess what? Being alive IS suffering. It’s living with the knowledge that you will die someday. That fucked up things will happen seemingly without reason. And instead of making it better for more people, he fully participated in the torment and execution of his own people. Cuz “my daddy was mad and disappointed in me”. Cuz someone else TOLD HIM his Dad was bad. Was Grisha a dick? YES. But that doesn’t mean that Zeke gets to take it out on everyone else.

Just like Hange had no right to make the decisions she did “for the Eldian people”. She was not the head of the military and she herself admitted multiple times that ultimately she’s not the one to make the decision, it’s the people. It’s the ultimate hypocrisy that she can sit and try to take a moral high ground just because she didn’t like the choice she made. She CHOSE. And she made a choice she regretted. Or, more to the point, she wanted to make BOTH decisions at first but, once again, one choice was eliminating her own people and operating out of fear that “oh the world will fear us” LIKE THEY ALREADY FUCKIN DO and the other was taking out the other side with force. There ARE NO TWO SIDES in this. One side wants your people dead and scapegoated and they don’t CARE OR WANT to listen to you despite what you believe are your best efforts. The other side wants to live after realizing and understanding the truth and, understandably, being BIG FUCKING PISSED about it.

You can’t sit there and say Zeke’s bad is less bad than Eren’s just because of scale. They’re both bad for different reasons, but the ultimate reasoning for their bads are different. Zeke was acting for purely selfish, self-loathing, and vengeful reasons because of a personal wrong he took out on HIS OWN PEOPLE, and made the choice FOR THEM to try and euthanize them. Eren was acting out of a sense of protecting his people, eliminating the titans, and freedom. Yes, it was personal freedom for himself as well as his people, but the ultimate goal wasn’t out of “my daddy was an ideological fool and I’m mad at him so all of our people should suffer” - it’s “yeah, fine, I’ll be the bad guy if it ultimately means getting rid of the titans, giving my friends a better shot at a long life, and evening the playing field.” Yeah, he wanted this, but he also knew somewhat, after getting those memories from Historia, that these actions would ultimately lead to the end of the Titans and give the best shot for his friends and people to live. He didn’t know Sasha would die and it’s not like that outcome he wanted. He just moved forward knowing from the founder that these were the actions that were needed to make it end.

If you haven’t personally suffered deep systemic injustices for a long period of time, I can understand why Eren’s actions and this ending would have been disappointing and why Zeke’s actions make more sense and why you’d empathize with him, I really do. But I urge you to listen to marginalized communities and tell them that the best solution would be to allow others to off them for unity. My AAPI friends certainly don’t agree with that. My BIPOC friends don’t agree with that. My friends with disabilities don’t agree with that. They don’t want revenge against the world, but the sure do want it to fuckin stop and as long as the US is a militarized white supremacists police state that allows them to murder with impunity for existing while not white and abeled, and there is no justice for these crimes against them, holding hands and asking for world peace isn’t going to do it anymore when governments are being run by narcissistic scapegoating sociopaths who want them dead for being different.

FUCK Zeke. He’s a well written villain but to say Eren is worse than him or that Eren’s actions are unjustified but Zeke’s are comes from place of privilege and “not rocking the boat”. Zeke is literally working for the fascists knowing full well what they are. The people of Paradis before the basement reveal didn’t. The people in charge, some of them consisting of people who AREN’T EVEN ELDIAN, chose that. “Your blood is the blood of slaves” and all.

“Freedom” usually costs something to someone. Whether compromise or lives lost or societal structures crumbling. It all depends on how you want to acquire it. And if the other side doesn’t want to compromise, do you go “okay, I guess I’ll die to make you happy?” That was the choice Historia was presented with - and she chose NO. It’s what the people of Paradis are forced to come to terms with - and they ALSO chose no. They’re not going to die to make you happy. They’re not going to suffer anymore for your benefit. And since you gave them no other choice and won’t work with them, what else is there but to fight?

Zeke sucks ass and is indefensible. I get why he did what he did, but he’s a fuckin school shooting coward and no. No no no. He’s a selfish piece of shit for continuing his plan. He only stopped because he finally got a moment with Daddy and by then it was FAR too late. He’s a grown ass man taking his anger out on the world because of his dad. Nah, fam.

#snk meta #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #fuck zeke #snk chapter 139 spoilers #snk ch 139 #like i can't #all of the options sucked #but contributing to the genocide of your own people and saying it's for their own good and to end suffering is where i draw the line #you don't get to decide that for everyone #fuck you monke boy

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zeppelin-and-unicorns · 3 years

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A Donna Pinciotti character study (and how I write her on my stories)

I'm apologizing in advance, this is too big, I talk a lot.

Someone sent me an ask a week ago asking why I write Donna as a nice character, and that inspired me to make a specific post about my thoughts on the characters and how I choose to write them on my published stories, more specifically, in Rock You Like a Hurricane and When The Levee Breaks. So here we go.

I love all the main 6 characters, not equally, everyone has a favorite, but in the end, they all have a very special place in my heart.

Out of the six characters, Jackie and Eric are my favorites. I have trouble writing Eric, but I really love him, I don’t get why he gets so much hate, he’s such a good person. They are followed very closely by Hyde, I relate to Hyde a lot, and honestly I love writing him. I think Hyde and Jackie are deep characters, with lots and lots of layers, and I love exploring them.

They are all complex characters with distinct personalities, each one has their specific storyline, and they all have their little quirks. They are not perfect, they have defects and qualities just like any other human being.

This post is about Donna, but I plan on making separate posts for each character later. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts.

Let's start off, shall we?

Donna was my favorite character, until I started season 4. One of the things that bothered me the most on the show was how much Donna's character regressed after her first break up with Eric.

Donna is a very likeable character in the earlier seasons, she's independent, determined, passionate about the things she loves, cares deeply about her friends, among other things. What I particularly loved the most about Donna, was how progressive she was for a teenage girl living in the 70s.

She and Eric were a sweet couple, and their love was pure. Their break up at the end of season 3 was heartbreaking, but it was very in character for me. Donna always wanted to be a strong, independent woman, and Eric was trying to tie her down. And while I could understand Eric's reasons, Donna also had a pretty strong point. I do believe things could have been solved with proper communication, but they were teenagers and these things happen.

After their breakup, both Donna and Eric acted immature, but after Donna's mom left, she... well, she's changed. And not for better. There's this one episode from season 4 that really upsets me. Right after Midge left, Donna slept with Eric, and Eric was really happy afterwards, he thought they were back together, but Donna had absolutely no intention of getting back together with him, in fact, she said "she would've done it with anyone". She used Eric in that episode, she should’ve been clear to him about her intentions, I get that her mom left and that she was sad, but that was kind of cruel of her and I felt really bad for Eric.

That's one of Donna's flaws: whenever she's going through something, she becomes this selfish person, too wrapped up in herself to focus on anyone else's problems. She refuses help and she acts up, showing really self-destructive behaviors (like purposely failing school, smoking cigarettes, dating Casey Kelso, etc). Donna’s kind of a hypocrite, she doesn’t like when people tell her she’s wrong about something. She also doesn't care about anyone other than herself when she's angry or sad, a clear example of that was running away to California with her best friend's boyfriend, because she was feeling humiliated about being rejected by Eric. That was a pretty shitty thing to do, Jackie did not deserve that.

In fact, Jackie did not deserve many of the things Donna did to her, but to me, Donna’s worst offence was to side up with Kelso during all the times he was an asshole to Jackie (yes, that includes when Jackie started to date Hyde).

As a self-proclaimed feminist, Donna should’ve been more empathetic towards Jackie. She should’ve told Jackie about Kelso and Laurie, she should have discouraged Jackie to get back together with Kelso on season 3 (everyone knew how toxic they were, even Hyde tried to stop them from getting together again in his own way - by breaking that egg - but Donna actually encouraged Kelso and seemed rather amused with the situation), she shouldn’t have shown her boobs to her best friend’s boyfriend on episode 4x20, she shouldn’t have ran away with her best friend’s boyfriend without even thinking about Jackie’s feelings, she should’ve supported Hyde and Jackie’s relationship from the beginning, she should’ve called Kelso out on his hypocrisy towards Jackie and Hyde on season 5, she should’ve been there for Jackie - without judging her - when her mother came back. She should have been a better friend to Jackie in general, Jackie was bitchy and kind of annoying, but she was a good person, and she was always there for Donna when she needed it.

Jackie was supposed to be the bitchy one with a huge ego, but Donna slowly took her crown. To me, in later seasons, Donna was worse than Jackie from season one - season one Jackie was a bitch, but she was also innocent, and she didn't know better, Donna did, and she loved calling Jackie out on her behavior. I'll elaborate more on that when I write Jackie’s essay.

And (I’m afraid people are going to judge me for this one) Donna should’ve been a better girlfriend to Eric. People always say that Donna was too good for Eric, and well... I disagree.

In the first three seasons, Donna and Eric’s relationship was healthy, they were cute together, and you could see how much they loved each other. But they got back together in California and didn't even talk about why they broke up in the first place. They just ignored it and pretended it never happened. Like, wtf? And then out of nowhere Eric proposes and she says yes? She hadn't accepted his promise ring less than a year before, and now she accepted an engagement ring? I’m sorry, but that was very OOC to me. The reason why they broke up was that she didn’t want to make such a big promise because they were sill young, and then they just get engaged when they’re still in high school? That’s bad writing to me.

Their relationship in season 5 was okay, their engagement didn’t make any sense, but overall, they treated each other well and were in love.

Then Red had his heart attack and Donna decided to postpone college so she could be with Eric. Another thing that didn’t make sense to me. Donna basically threw away her whole future in order to be with Eric in season 6 and 7, and they broke up in season 3 because she didn't want that for herself. It’s just… well, shitty writing.

After she stayed for Eric, their relationship changed, at least from what I could tell. And then all the episodes had the same storyline for Eric and Donna: Eric does something stupid, Donna overreacts, Eric spends the day kissing her ass to make up for it, in the end she forgives him and it’s always the same thing “Donna, I’m a dumbass, you’re too good for me, I’m sorry” and bla bla bla. It’s a freaking cycle, and it only gets worse after Eric leaves her at the altar.

Eric was a good person and a good boyfriend, he had his flaws, but overall, he was a decent guy, he shouldn’t feel inferior to Donna. She mocked him for liking the things he did (Star Wars, Styx, roller disco), and often acted like she was too good for him, a good girlfriend is supposed to support her boyfriend in whatever makes him happy, not force him to quit something because she thought it was too girly.

(For example, when Hyde was going to work at the muffler shop with Red, Jackie didn’t like that idea, but she supported him anyways, she said “If it makes you happy then, I’m happy”. Donna wasn’t very supportive of Eric’s choices, the roller disco thing is a great example, I mean, yeah, it was girly, but he liked it, so she should’ve supported him).

In my opinion, Donna and Eric’s relationship on seasons 6 and 7 wasn’t a healthy one.

I’m not even going to mention Donna’s actions on season 8. To me, they were unforgivable, that’s why I totally understand why people write her like a bitch on post season 8 stories. But hey, everyone was acting OOC in season 8, that’s why I tend to ignore its existence most of the time.

In Donna’s defense though... That was mainly bad writing. I believe that the real Donna would’ve been more empathetic towards Jackie, she would’ve called Kelso on his crap, and she would’ve actually talked to Eric about their problems. She also would have gone to college, she and Eric could make distance work.

Up until season 4 we could see that the writers were actually developing a storyline for Donna. She was bitchy in season 4, but her parents had just got divorced, she and Eric had broken up, her mom left... Her life changed a lot, it’s understandable why she acted out, the writers knew what they were doing then, at least in the character development part, but then season 5 started and Donna was a whole different person.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense in this essay, I have trouble expressing myself sometimes because english is not my first language, but basically, to me, the writers stopped caring about Donna’s character development by season 5 and I’ll always be bitter about that.

A clear example of character development is Jackie, Kelso and Hyde. They grew and matured over the seasons, Donna didn’t, not really, if compared to them. It's incredibly sad to see most of the characters growing and genuinely being better people, while Donna was just… being there.

Donna had her good moments, as I’ve mentioned before, Donna has qualities, plenty of them by the way. She’s passionate about the things she loves, she wants the best for her friends, she’s determined, she has a kind heart.

One of my favorite scenes from the show is when Jackie asked Donna to help her not to fall into Kelso’s “charm” again, when he was trying to grow a beard. Donna was an amazing friend in that episode, it really made me smile. Donna had some really good moments with Jackie. I wish she valued them more, but I blame that on the writers and their need to put women against each other for “comedy”.

The Donna I write on my stories is based on the Donna from the earlier seasons, it’s a Donna who still has her flaws, but she pushes her pride aside when she recognizes she's wrong and apologizes, she doesn't see Jackie as her competition, she sees her as a friend who she loves very much, and wants the best for her.

When The Levee Breaks Donna is the real Donna, at least how I think the real Donna actually is. After Eric sent her that letter, she recognized that she gave up too much for him during their relationship, and that she wasn't being herself by doing so, so she decided to no longer wait for him and be her own woman, that's why she moved to Chicago. No one is worth giving up her dreams for, not even the love of her life.

She loves Jackie and wants the best for her, that's why she encourages Jackie to move to Chicago with her, and she also wants to make up for the times she wasn't the friend she deserved. Donna recognized how wrong she was by siding with Kelso, and admitted that she took Jackie's friendship for granted.

This Donna lost all the respect she had for Hyde when he came back from Vegas, to her, that wasn't the same Hyde she grew up with (she wasn't wrong), and she wasn't going to stay quiet and let him destroy himself (and Jackie). She stepped up, and tried to shove some sense into Hyde's head before leaving with Jackie, but Hyde can really be an ass when he wants to, so she gave up and punched him, that was the last time she saw him until he got his head out of his ass and went to visit them at Chicago after New Years.

Donna was heartbroken, but she refused to dwell on it and tried her best to move on with her life. She's at the top of her class at college, she's trying to be there for Jackie (who wasn't doing so good when they first moved in) and she tried to date someone else.

Turns out that you can't really date someone if you're still in love with your ex, so that didn't work out very well for her, but it helped her realize that what she felt for Eric was real, and that it wasn't going away anytime soon.

In Chicago, Donna and Jackie formed a strong bond, they were friends before, but Chicago kind of made them sisters. During those 6 months they've spent living together, Donna developed very strong protective instincts towards Jackie, especially after Jackie opened up about her childhood with her mother. She saw Jackie struggling every day, she saw how often Jackie cried over the things that happened in Point Place, and she started to understand her friend better.

Donna's protective instincts kicked in when Hyde and Eric showed up in Chicago, but they softened after she talked to Hyde and realized that he was being genuine. She was still pissed at him, but she could see that he was suffering a lot, so in the end, she just wanted to see Jackie and Hyde being happy again.

Her feelings with Eric were conflicting, she loved him very much, and she was aware of that, she got tired of denying to herself, but that didn't erase the hurt of their past. After a long talk, she and Eric agree to start things again, but she makes it very clear that she's not giving up her future for him anymore.

One of my favorite Donna quotes on my story is:

"Eric, I don't need you in my life. But I want you in my life, I really, really do."

So basically, that's how I write Donna in WTLB, she still has her flaws, but she's overall a good person and a good friend.

Rock You Like a Hurricane Donna is not so different from WTLB Donna, she's still protective of Jackie, but not for the reasons WTLB Donna is.

Donna and Jackie grew up together in RYLH, no Eric, no Hyde, no Kelso, just the two of them, and I believe that had a significant impact on both of their personalities.

Donna and Jackie first met in school, and became best friends after Donna beat up a kid who was trying to bully Jackie. Donna and Jackie both had no friends - Jackie was new in school, and Donna was new in town - so they started to play together and basically became glued by the hip.

The fact that she didn't grow up as "one of the boys'' changed Donna's personality a bit. Not too much, we still love a lumberjacky Donna thank you very much, but her behavior around Eric and the rest of the boys is sheepish if compared to her behavior around the entire gang on the show.

That changes after a while, she starts to get comfortable around everyone after a few months.

Growing up with Jackie had an impact on her, not a bad one. Donna's way less judgemental, and she's not a hypocrite, at least not like she was portrayed on the show. Jackie calls Donna out on her bullshit, and Donna does the same for her, they make each other better and they would kill for each other.

Donna's also not afraid of showing her girly side every once in a while, and she and Jackie support each other on their interests. As shown in some chapters, Donna sometimes even watches Jackie's cheerleading practices, and she's always there to support her in the games.

Jackie encourages Donna to write on a daily basis. She always loved reading Donna's short stories, she claims that if Donna ever writes a book, she has to write a character based on her, preferably, a princess.

They have a healthy friendship in both of my stories, it's how it should've been on the show.

That’s all, I guess. If you actually read this, please feel free to give me your opinion about Donna too, I would love to hear it!

I’m posting Jackie’s character study sometime soon. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

#that '70s show #that 70s show #rock you like a hurricane #donna pinciotti #character study #when the levee breaks

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