#it makes people act weird around you and then when it inevitably goes bad it’s like ‘damn i liked you as a person tho’ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

halogenwarrior · 9 months

Text

Ok I’ve wanted to make this post for a while but @lakesbian ‘s recent post about the Worm ending and why it was fitting for Taylor’s arc made me really motivated to do it now. So, the Worm ending. Some people love it, some people hate it, and a lot of it comes down to the (ultimately false and oversimplified) dichotomy people tend to make of stories; according to a lot of people, a story is either a power fantasy or a tragedy. Now there is a lot of argument over the definition of a tragedy and I’m not going to go and say there’s a definitive meaning for all uses of the word here, but for the purposes of this post alone and what people are meaning by the term in the context of Worm I’m going to say a tragedy is a story where the main character is presented as making the wrong decisions in the end, even if it seems painfully inevitable for that character to do so, and the story ending in a position that is clearly negative for the character and those around them and should never have happened - the story comes clearly on the side that the character’s actions are bad. This definition of tragedy can steer somewhat into a morality play, even if sympathy is given for the tragic wrongdoer due to the trauma that made them think and act the way they did. Meanwhile a power fantasy here is where the story goes clearly on the side that the character’s actions are ideal, good and wish-fulfillment, no matter how brutal, with the protagonist’s ultimate success justifying the actions.

This power fantasy/tragedy dichotomy shows up in a lot of discourse around the ending and Worm in general; on the one hand you have critics accusing Worm of being a power fantasy due to Taylor’s successes which “justify” the morally bad things she does (to which fans rightfully reply that there is plenty of criticism of her actions in the story, she’s for the most part deliberately written as biased rather than that being solely the author’s own biases, and the fact the ending is not a power fantasy is clearly shown by how Taylor explicitly says she wouldn’t do it all over again). On the other hand you have the thing I’ve seen several times where anyone who says it would have been better for the story if Taylor died is accused of thinking the story needs to be a clear morality play tragedy where evil is punished and they thought of Taylor as evil, even though one might perfectly well think her death would be better for the story/narrative although her character didn’t “deserve” it in any sense, and her self-destructive impulses were misguided and not something they would encourage in a real person.

The thing is, if you were to interpret it as a tragedy it would make a poor tragedy. I can’t remember who posted this (I would love if someone had a link to the post in the replies), but I saw a post saying regarding the Worm ending that a tragedy isn’t really a tragedy if the character, like Taylor, is forced into giving into their worst impulses to save the world, and is in fact successful in doing so. And this about covers it - it feels like a jarring case of showing and not telling when the narrative makes it 100% clear that no other way to save the world would work, they had exhausted every other option a million times, and thus Taylor’s successful action was objectively right, but yet we are told by Taylor herself that it shouldn’t have happened. Yes, it’s true that she is referring to everything she did in her life, a lot of which it would be reasonable to think wasn’t worth the pain it cost others and herself, but it still feels weird to have that line appear right after doing something on an immensely larger scale than all of her other actions that very clearly was worth it.

However, one has to understand that the ending isn’t supposed to be a tragedy or a power fantasy, but a secret third thing. Or rather something ambiguous that deliberately plays with the tension between the two and tries to be a bit of both. Because remember a big theme of Worm is about morality and the compromises people make for what they think is a greater good, as shown by the protagonist herself, the “heroes”, Cauldron, etc. And fitting the theme, we have a protagonist who is supposed to be fundamentally ambiguous. You take her as what she is, with the trauma and pain that have warped her worldview and how it leads to cleverness, courage, accomplishing the impossible to save others (like with the Mannequin fight, for example)... and also juvenile rationalizations of cruel actions to herself and others. The reader is supposed to live with both and reflect themselves on what they think of her overall, rather than pigeonholing it into solely “she is so awesome and heroic” or “she is solely tragic and misguided (or less charitably solely evil) and and only makes everything worse”.

And the ending is a perfect representation of this - it’s the shattering apotheosis of everything she is, glorious and ruthless, rational and foolish, self-destructive and controlling of others and a savior, and the reader is supposed to be repulsed and mournful and cheering her on at the same time. It doesn’t completely succeed at this for the same reason it doesn’t completely succeed at being a tragedy; the unambiguity that her way was the only way that could have worked, and the objectively far lesser amount of people she hurt in the process compared to those who would have suffered and died if she didn’t do it, harm the ambiguity despite attempts by the “told” rather than “shown” narrative to paint it otherwise. I really think the story would have been better if Gold Morning hadn’t dragged on so long and Taylor had jumped the gun on doing the “brain surgery” early, to leave that note of ambiguity on whether it was all necessary. In any case, she is not “forced into tragedy” (as in she makes the decisions that resemble her worst flaws because anyone even without those flaws would have recognized that happened to be the logically right decision) even in canon, it’s still made clear that only she, being who she is, would have thought of the idea. She is who she is, and the actions she takes, as Lisa realizes, are something only she could do, something she loves and hates her for. And ideally (if, as I wished, it was made a little more ambiguous whether her way was the only way), the fact that only she would do it is both a sad statement of her self-destructive and controlling mindset and a praise of that aforementioned courage and cleverness. Again, neither a power fantasy nor a tragedy.

Now about her apparent death and then survival in the epilogue and how it ties into all this; while I really love and respect @lakesbian ‘s takes I only halfway agree on the one concerning the ending. Yes, Worm is largely a story about trauma, and I can see the appeal of how the ending allows her to reflect on life and realize that the constant “conflict drive cycle” and all it represents wasn’t worth it, and it’s a powerful finale for a story about trauma to end with things being quiet at last, and a hope of peace, especially the meaning of Contessa in particular giving her that second chance given her own parallel arc. But a story can have more than one theme, and as I mentioned Worm is also about the complexities of one’s actions in life and what sacrifices for a good goal are worth it. The crazy things that happen are in part a metaphor for the experience of traumatized teenagers, but I think it does a disservice to the other themes of the book and the wide world of characters outside the protagonist that Wildbow created with the interludes to read them as solely a metaphor, such that Taylor’s actions are regrettable in the end solely because they are self-destructive and her own actualization matters more than the effects they had on the world. In this reading, everyone else seems to just become props.

I think this is in part an effect of a divide in the fandom that I’ve noticed. People on sites like Reddit or Spacebattles, with the hyper-rational “who would win” attitude, zero in on the themes of morality to the exclusion of the themes of trauma, leading to them seeing traumatized characters unsympathetically and not bothering to delve into who they are as humans rather than trolley problems unless they can become convinced that character was morally right from some objective utilitarian perspective. People on Tumblr, with its tradition of following the usually good idea of trying to analyze characters and appreciate their “humanity” rather than be obsessed over fictional morality and hating “bad” characters without looking deeper, tend to have the opposite problem where they focus on themes of trauma and take the characters in isolation away from the effect of their actions, to the detriment of the story which very much wants you to think deeply about the morality of the fictional world. I don’t think the right takeaway is “Taylor’s actions were bad because they were suicidal and the question of the positive and negative effects her actions had on other people are just window dressing for story of how her actions affect herself”.

So would I prefer if she had died in the end or lived? Well I think Wildbow wanted to have his cake and eat it too here, and in the process ran into another example of telling rather than showing. On the one hand, the combined painfulness and heroism of her “apotheosis” would be hindered if part of the impact of that scene, the consequences for Taylor herself which call back on the slow path of self-destruction she had been on the whole book and represent those tendencies’ “final form”, were simply reversed so that nothing happened. The whole point of the final reckoning is that it is what it is, good and bad, and the consequences for herself and the world of who she is have to be felt without escape. In any case it feels uneven how the consequences for others of both the horror of being controlled and the joy of billions of people being saved remain and are not reversed despite Taylor’s regret, but the consequences for herself are, and making the emotional power of the scene retroactively meaningless. Yes, her belief that she has to destroy herself to bear the weight of the world is harmful and a product of trauma (although it has accomplished good things too, again the ambiguity), but the question isn’t what is a “deserved” ending for her character but what makes sense for the story trying to be told. On the other hand, from the perspective of all of the stories’ themes - trauma, morality, the cycle of violence without a moment of peace reaching a breaking point - it’s powerful for the main character to finally be able to reflect on everything in the end, and to reflect on things you have to be alive past that moment of ultimate “fulfillment”.

So Wildbow resolved this contradiction by telling us that Taylor is fundamentally dead or dying and now gets to reflect on her life in a moment of peace as those who are elderly and know their death is soon do. This is shown by her being juxtaposed in the epilogue with an actual old person evaluating her decisions in life, and saying her life is basically over as well (as well as WOGs where he wonders why people complain the ending is too happy even though the protagonist basically dies and the ending is her evaluating her life now that she’s dead). However, again it’s telling and not showing; the evidence that she is “fundamentally dead” is that she thinks now she doesn’t have powers nothing she has done in her life will ever compare to her past life, so she might as well be dead already. And no, this isn’t “basically dead” at all. Sure, it is in character as Taylor’s unreliable self-perception where she thinks her life is worthless and she has to be saving people or saving the world to have a life at all, even though she is actually better off than she will ever be, has so much life to live, and will be happier now. But it’s not framed that way at all by the narrative or WOG, it’s instead framed as her being correct and her life is over.

I do like what Wildbow was going for with having the “best of both worlds” and how it nicely ties together the themes of the story, even if in execution the fact that one of those worlds even applies is very informed rather than shown. I think if I was writing the ending, I would make it go like this: Speck plays out as normal (besides Taylor being earlier to jump the gun to jailbreaking her powers, as I mentioned earlier), Contessa shoots Taylor to deliberately destroy her corona pollentia and nothing else. But... Contessa has done this procedure before, and she knows no one survives with that part of their brain selectively destroyed for that long. Taylor has perhaps a year or two to live after this. Contessa considered just not doing it, just killing her, because what would be the point of breaking free from the endless violence of the shard only to know you will die anyway, and have to live the last of your miserable life with all the regrets? But no... for that time, even for that short time, she will have her sanity, and her dignity, and peace. If she denies that that is worth it, isn’t she denying that there is any hope for Fortuna herself? So this is her final gift to her, the best she can give her now that she has sacrificed herself and so many others so irrevocably.

And Taylor is left in a world like her own and not, away from the violence (but is that really such a bad thing?) given a chance that means nothing and everything. To not die consumed by something both alien to herself and representing all that she is, not knowing anything except that the world is her enemy. To look back on her life knowing that life is worth it here, to finally be able to objectively reflect on it all. Maybe if she hadn’t been who she was, hadn’t been marked by the trauma she was, she would have done things differently, someone else would have saved the world without taking such drastic and horrifying actions, and she would have lived, which she now realizes is such an amazing thing, and now she can’t take back that sacrifice. Maybe no one would have done everything, and her actions were necessary and heroic. It was so hard to make those calls in the middle of everything, but she can look back now and begin to take apart the tangle of her life. Even if it’s for such a short time, even if she can’t undo her actions effect on herself and the world no matter what she decides about them in the end, that still matters.

#worm #parahumans #Taylor hebert

7 notes · View notes

eldritchtouched · 2 years

Text

I lowkey find it uncomfortable with how people act as if abuse victims and characters who have that as a background are... doomed to become abusers and such, and that somehow someone not having an abuse background makes them “safe.”

(I mention characters since the ones doing that stuff with characters tend to be the people who refuse to acknowledge that a character is just a tool a writer uses and can be made to change however a creator wishes, including the possibility of changing for the better. Such sorts tend to carry that over in how they treat actual people. It’s really... weird.)

Like... there is no inevitability with that kind of thing and they tend to treat it as some weird all-or-nothing thing. Either you’re not abused/the “perfect” victim, or else you’re a monster.

This idea that certain people, especially abuse victims and especially especially when you’re a “bad” victims, will inevitably become abusive is rather... victim blaming in its own right. That you’re essentially broken for having been hurt and all you can do once you’ve been hurt is hurt others. Especially if your behavior isn’t the picture perfect simpering, shy sort who just looks sad sometimes or else just takes the abuse like a good dog. Like if you get addicted to stuff, or if you get angry, or use the wrong coping mechanisms, or what have you, that somehow proves you’re bad.

You could also argue it’s part of the negative push around personality disorders, too, which are borne of severe trauma. While it is possible for someone with a PD to be abusive, it’s not some doom that the person will be abusive and there’s nothing intrinsic to abuse that makes it specific to a PD.

Like, yeah, abuse is a cycle and all, but this idea seems to pervade a bit too deeply for my liking. Especially since there’s no magic force field that makes people who don’t have abuse in their background from becoming abusers. You don’t have to have been abused to become an abuser, because abuse is an action, not some innate thing. It also has the same air as the “lol the loudest homophobes are all gay” thing, when in reality, that’s a minority of homophobes and is also victim-blamey as hell.

You see it in philosophical systems as well, such as new agers who go on about low vibration people and certain activities that are intertwined with negative circumstances, such as drug and alcohol abuse. Like, they ultimately don’t care about healing people or doing good or whatever the fuck. They basically treat everyone else and this world as hopeless and deserving to be abandoned to their fate for not being the “right” kind of person.

Same goes with a broader purity culture sort of thing online in left spaces that’s deeply uncomfortable as well. Like the idea that you have to be picture perfect at all times, and as soon as you aren’t, or you do anything messy (even if it’s a survival thing), you get torn apart. Which... isn’t healthy and could be argued to be an abusive system in its own right.

#cycle of abuse #victim blaming #tw abuse

2 notes · View notes

phisherqueen · 10 months

Text

i’m flirting with weekend alcoholism if that’s a thing. my father-in-law couldn’t be happier. i’ve been kind of enjoying it but i probably should stop because it’s killing my brain cells and that’s kind of licking my birthday cake.

but that’s not why we’re here.

i was talking to my niece today and she talked about how she

“wants to go back to her childhood”

and she’s like eleven years old. but this is a testament to how used to the absurdities of the way this kid’s mind works i’ve become that i don’t even blink at that casual statement now. then she asks me,

“mimi, do you ever feel like that?”

“feel like what?”

we’re in the middle of very light traffic and i’m being a responsible adult companion by not using my phone around her and ignoring her. her parents do that a lot and it’s doing things to her brain. no one believes me when i say that. but there’s something off with this kid.

“going back to your childhood?”

“oh, me? i don’t think so—”

inevitably the hamster on a wheel in my brain starts doing its thing and i do a quick rundown of my childhood. it was okay. it wasn’t perfect. i had parents. but i really had my nanny. my parents never went to a single graduation i had and for my final year, i went alone and the driver picked me up at the end of the ceremony. my nanny went home to her home country that month. in between all of that, i got to travel from age zero up. i met a lot of different people. i got everything i could ever want. there was nothing i wanted that i didn’t get. i lived in a nice house full of bedrooms. all in all, it was alright.

“—nope. never thought about going back. it wasn’t bad but i suppose i’ve always been happy with wherever i usually end up.”

“really? you don’t miss being little?”

“not really. being grown up is fun. i didn’t rush into growing up but i didn’t feel bad about getting there.”

“even now?”

“hey, especially now. like have you seen that toy your uncle m just got me? it’s pretty damn nice.”

“oh, yeah. that’s cool. mom says it will kill you.”

“and that’s what makes it fun.”

“i get that.”

“you do?”

“sure. but i don’t ever want to grow up.”

“well, hate to break it to ya kid…”

“i know. i already feel old but like i’m still small so some days it kind of feels weird?”

“i get that. are you sad?”

“no. i just miss when it was simpler.”

like goddamn what the fuck has been going on with this kid? we have a pretty good understanding of each other—we do not lie to each other. she tells me whatever she wants and she talks to me about anything. i let her curse around me and she gets to do whatever she wants at our house.

when she is with me, her nanny is not allowed to come along so she understands she cannot act up. no crying jags, no tantrums, no pouting. mimi boo time is adult time so mini boo has to be a big girl. she gets it.

there’s benefits to being well-behaved when she’s with me. hell, she can break shit at my house if she wants all the good stuff goes in storage when she and her little hellion siblings come over anyway. in turn, i do not lie and i do not sugarcoat. and when i’m about to say something that might hurt, i warn her. when she asks a question, she expects an honest answer which i give her. i do not ignore her ever. when i ask a question, she has to answer. she’s been a pretty good sport so far.

we’re not close. we see each other about once a week or so. i don’t know what’s going on with her but she’s probably kind of going through some shit. her parents—my sister and her husband—are trying but they’re bringing to life every single fear i have of having children. and it has inspired me to stay with that decision. the very mistakes in parenting that i am sure i am very capable of making are the same mistakes my sister is making with her kid. and i cannot imagine living like that.

is it weird that i am so accustomed to living a life with no regrets that i fully believe that having a kid will actually be the cause of me having regrets?

i am a selfish person. so is my husband. some days, i feel like i’m short-changing my niece with the limited time i have for her. not that i feel bad about that—i’m just aware of that fact. she’s not my kid. this isn’t my responsibility. i don’t even miss her when we don’t see each other for long stretches of time.

she messages me some days. most days, it feels like when little kids are like playing and they scream out

“hey, mom! look at me!”

and parents have to look even if it’s just the same kid going down the same fucking slide they’ve been going up and down on for the last thirty fucking minutes but like this one is special for reasons. like that alone feels so exhausting just imagining.

“do you ever like just start counting things? i was downstairs today and i just started counting things like is that weird?”

receiving messages like that feels like that slide scenario. i didn’t realize that i’m kind of in that situation with the kid. i don’t mind it. it doesn’t bother me in terms of i don’t find it exhausting or annoying like i imagined i would. but like i’m thinking why me? this kid’s already getting screwed over having parents like she does but i can’t be the next person. i don’t want that on my head. and that kid probably deserves someone more reliable.

i don’t know. i don’t get kids. some days this kid doesn’t even feel like a kid. she probably needs to find someone who can be more of a consistent presence in her life because that’s never going to be me.

#mine #kids are weird #child free #thoughts

0 notes

funnygirlthatbelle · 2 years

Text

since we’re about to hit episode ten, here’s a few things i love that each cast member is doing

travis

~first off, the balls to do that fakeout

~the fact that he joined them for the intro every time even when he wasn’t going to play? such a tease

~the way he’s created two characters that are clearly joke characters, but imbues them with a lot of empathy

~bertrand’s last night; he brought so much to it that lends to the tragedy

~using his past experiences as fjord to understand how fucking fun teasing dorian would be

~honestly, just the fact that he makes an effort and consistently engages with robbie

robbie

~the aesthetic is just *chef’s kiss* right here

~slipping up and saying “the nine of us” because he counted matt

~he doesn’t use a ton of spells, but when he does, it’s very effective

~not afraid to look bad; this can be really tough with roleplay but he doesn’t seem to care if he looks like an idiot

~setty

~everything going on effects dorian- he’s very active and reactive to what’s going on in the game

marisha

~the entire concept of laudna is a delight

~her choice of voice; the contrast between such a cheery voice and her appearance is perfect

~the conversation about love; it was such a genuine exploration of a nebulous sort of topic

~how marisha commits to the joints cracking and popping; as someone with arthritis, it makes me laugh and wanna take tylenol at the same time

~bringing delilah back- just a delightful choice

~the way marisha seems fine with the fact that most npcs hate/fear her even though that’s obviously inconvenient

sam

~taking the leap into robots

~how he keeps finding new ways to play small characters

~also he/they! hell yeah!

~the decision to play a therapist friend who’s actually a really bad therapist is really intriguing to me, and i can’t wait to see where he takes it

~the foreshadowing he’s already doing for the inevitable “actually i am a deeply tragic character” moment

~pussy

ashley

~ashley looks so happy and relaxed knowing she’s here full time and it makes my heart so happy

~the gale ad

~fearne really allows her to be funny in a way she hasn’t gotten to before and it’s a delight

~little mister, our favorite seven year old

~most chaotic characters are so loud, having a really soft-spoken one only makes her chaos even more shocking

~whatever’s going on with her hand and how that may tie into what we saw in exu

laura

~the decision to play a human

~this is a weird thing to latch onto but i love imogen’s color palette

~laura’s dedication to making sure that her powers are just as much a hindrance as they are helpful, since that’s clearly such an important part of who she is

~honestly, how open imogen is with her boundaries. it can be really hard to set those sometimes even in real life but she does this wonderfully

~how much she clearly cares about launda

~calling fcg letters

liam

~his commitment to reminding us that orym is a halfling, especially with his physical acting

~the way he’s so on top of all of his fighter abilities and makes the most of them

~playing a dex-based fighter; it’s legit just cool

~his signature liam o’brien small acting moments

~the way he clearly loves keyleth so much still and has no problem showing it

~when matt made a phantom of the opera joke and he inexplicably started singing les miz

taliesin

~he/they!

~honestly i feel like ashton is a refined version of molly in a lot of ways with a clearer moral compass; i feel like i’ve met this person and loved them

~once again, the aesthetic; taliesin always goes off but ashton in particular is cool

~the “pretending not to care about these people but also i bought you all breakfast sandwiches” style of friendship is so fun to me

~mechanically, just so cool. they’re so fun in combat

~the mystery of it all! what’s going on here, bud?

matt

~so many great npcs: lord eshteross, pretty, cyrus, everybody at the crook house, etc.

~i feel like a lot of the “normal” people are extra fun this time around; all of our random store owners and criminal contacts act very realistically, but in a fun way that reminds us that what our heroes are doing is absolutely insane

~imogen’s dream about bertrand

~the worldbuilding of jrusar is very interesting and odd, and im excited to see how it all goes down

~really interesting, unique monsters from the get go

~he’s clearly making the most of the new set up and i can’t wait to see what else he does with it

#critical role #bertrand bell #chetney pock o'pea #dorian storm #laudna #fcg #fearne calloway #imogen temult #orym of the air ashari #ashton greymoore #travis willingham #robbie daymond #marisha ray #sam riegel #ashley johnson #laura bailey #liam o'brien #taliesin jaffe #matt mercer

561 notes · View notes

divine-mistake · 3 years

Text

virtue and vice

Summary: What they don’t tell you in bootcamp is that trying to fall asleep next to your co-worker, the one that you’re insanely attracted to and might have the tiniest crush on, who also hates your guts and kind of would rather turn himself over to HYDRA than hold a real conversation with you, while sharing the same bed, is impossible. There is no way in hell you’re going to be able to fall asleep next to Bucky.

Characters: Bucky Barnes/Plus-size (f)Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut (vaginal fingering, rough sex, dirty talk, bit of a Dom Bucky Barnes), language, insecurity (weight issues, a little perceived fatphobia which is wiped out really soon after)

Word Count: 6120

A/N: This is a tumblr request for @buckybarnes101 who requested a Bucky/Plus-sized reader enemies to lovers who have to share one bed with smut. I loved this request and really hot to make something hot and rough and fast! Thank you so much for the request - enjoy!!

main masterlist | AO3

It finally happened, the one thing you prayed would never ever happen, the thing you’ve been dreading since you started joining James Buchanan Barnes on his stealth missions, the event that will inevitably spark your downward spiral into doom, destroying the crumbs of the relationship you’ve managed to build with him.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” he says, barreling through the motel room like a ping pong ball with a little too much pent up energy.

You shrug your bag off your tired shoulder, letting it fall to the ground, not caring about how dirty the carpeting must be.

“At least it’s a queen,” you say, toeing off your boots. “I’ve had worse with Steve.”

Bucky turns to glare at you over his shoulder. “You’ve shared a bed with Steve?” he says, accusation rising in his tone. You stare at him like he’s crazy.

“I’m sorry—are you saying you haven’t? ‘Cause I call bullshit on that.”

He doesn’t answer, choosing to sift through his duffel bag instead. You shrug despite the fact that he can’t see you.

“I mean, it’s pretty routine, isn’t it? I’ve shared with Natasha, too. Sometimes you just have to make do.”

“Yeah but it’s Natasha,” he says like it matters. “I can’t believe you’ve slept with Steve.”

“God, Bucky, it’s only weird if you make it weird, and you’re making it weird.”

He straightens now, body stiff, one of his hidden holsters hanging from his vibranium hand. He doesn’t look at you and you’re too tired to start a fight—much less finish it—so you hope he just goes ahead and fucks off to the shower which you know he’s getting ready to do. He’s always been selfish like that. But it’s also not so selfish, you think, for someone like Bucky to want to wash the missions away as soon as possible.

But the bastard could ask sometimes, couldn’t he?

“I’m going first,” he says, just like always, and you bite your tongue.

“‘Kay.”

You turn and sigh, focusing your glare on the one bed filling the motel room. If there was one thing you always hoped for after a mission, it was not to end up in the same bed as James Barnes. The two of you notoriously don’t get along, for whatever reason that may be (although you’re pretty sure it has to do with the fact that he thinks you’re a useless addition to the team), but there is literally no denying the attraction you felt for him.

The man is hot, and he’s had a couple, or maybe most, of the screws in his head knocked loose.

You have it bad for him.

Oh, but James Barnes is not fond of you. Not that he would ever admit it, but the dude has some serious fatphobia going on. You’re ninety-nine-percent sure of that.

Alone in the bedroom, you start to strip out of your tac-suit, letting your gun belt and the rest of your holsters fall in a ring around your feet. As soon as the heaviness is off you, relieving some of the ache in your body, you think about just falling straight into the bed blood and dirt and grime and all. But you’re also sure Bucky would lose his mind if you did that.

Instead, you look to the floor length mirror just in front of the motel door, frowning.

Your skin-tight suit doesn’t do much to hide all the lumps and bumps and dips and hips all squished into it, and when you’re covered in tiny cuts and burns on every visible patch of skin, you can’t help but think about how Bucky sees you.

The useless fat Avenger! How fun.

You turn to the side a little, glancing at the fullness of your ass. Nice. A redeeming quality of the extra weight you carry atop the strong muscle you’ve built in your short time as part of the Superhero Menagerie. Not having a gimmick of any kind really forced you into working for the position—and now you’re not just the useless fat chick, you’re the super hacking, super gun toting, mega-badass fat Avenger instead.

The shower squeaks and the water stops, signaling the end of Bucky’s shower.

You look up to the ceiling, praying to some god to hear you that everything will work out just fine.

And then Bucky exits the bathroom, steam flooding from the room, wrapped only in a thinning motel towel secured by his metal hand at his waist. It isn’t the first time you’ve seen his chiseled figure, but there’s something that jumps up your throat at the thought that you have to shower in that same shower and then sleep in the same bed as the bed that body is sleeping in.

Oh, fuck.

“All yours,” he murmurs, not even looking at you.

“Great.” You grab your change of clothes and head for the bathroom, trying to think about anything except him.

When you smell less like blood and asbestos and more like strawberries and peaches, hair damp and a clean t-shirt and sleep shorts sticking to your heat-splotched body, you enter the bedroom once again. Bucky is sitting against the headboard, going through his phone now that you’re both safe and secure in France, dressed only in a pair of sweatpants.

Okay, act cool. Just get into bed and pretend like it’s not weird.

You pad over to the bed, grimacing at the feel of the gross carpet beneath your clean feet, hopping beneath the sheets as quick as possible. If Bucky looks at you, then you don’t see it, because you are focused solely on not looking at him. Petty? Perhaps. Keeping your sanity intact? Absolutely.

“You tired?” he asks and you snort.

“Extremely. You don’t have to turn off the light if you aren’t ready to sleep, though.” You situate yourself as far on the edge of the bed as possible—something you’ve never done with any of the other people you’ve been forced to share a bed with. You and Natasha aren’t new to sleeping together, especially after some of the nights out you’ve shared, but you and Steve definitely cuddled, though you wouldn’t admit it to anyone. Steve’s just kinda lonely, you think. And to be honest, you’re a little touch-starved yourself.

But you know you take up a lot of space and you’re sure Bucky hates that, so you bury yourself under the motel sheets and snuggle up to your pillow, trying to make yourself as small as humanly possible.

After a moment, Bucky asks, “Are you comfortable like that?”

You crack an eye open and twist to look at him. “What?”

He shrugs. “Didn’t you tell me not to make it weird? You’re making it weird now.”

“You already made it weird.”

“I’m trying not to make it weird anymore.”

“A little late for that—”

“God, just, c’mere.”

Bucky grabs you around your waist, your shirt riding up, and pulls you closer. You shriek in surprise, eyes wide, as he manhandles you until you’re away from the edge and your back is pressed against his bare chest.

“There—that’s better,” he says, nearly whispering in your ear he’s so close to you now. He unwinds his arm from your middle and reaches up to hit the light, the room going completely dark save for the little sliver of artificially light pouring in from underneath the shitty curtains.

You don’t even know what to say. Bucky’s rendered you completely speechless.

First of all, the man has never touched you for no reason like that before. Second of all, how the hell did he just move you like you weighed the same as the pillow beneath his head? Third of all, he hates you, so why is he so bothered about you and your comfort? Fourth, he just moved you around like you weighed literally nothing.

And boy, did it send a flood of pleasure straight to your core, almost as if your body just gave the green light to your libido. The perfect time too, y’know, when you’re sharing a bed with your co-worker who hates your guts.

Play it cool. Just play it fucking cool.

“Uh, are you okay?” you ask him in return, and Bucky shifts so his back is pressed up to yours.

“Yeah,” he says. “Go to sleep.”

“‘Kay. Good night.”

“Night.”

What they don’t tell you in bootcamp is that trying to fall asleep next to your co-worker, the one that you’re insanely attracted to and might have the tiniest crush on, who also hates your guts and kind of would rather turn himself over to HYDRA than hold a real conversation with you, while sharing the same bed, is impossible. There is no way in hell you’re going to be able to fall asleep next to Bucky.

Your brain turns and turns and turns, body straining to stay as still as possible to not upset the super soldier sleeping right beside you. What does he have against you? Why does he hate you so much? You really thought once you started going on more missions—proving you were worthy to be a part of the team—that he’d start coming around and seeing your value. But you feel like all it’s served is to make him hate you more, especially now that you tag along on his stealth operations as his techie.

Maybe he knows you’re into him, and maybe that’s why he never wants to be around you. But, god, it’s not like you think you have a chance with him in any capacity, and you’d pass up tens of thousands of chances to be with him if he’d just be your friend!

Because Bucky deserves another friend, doesn’t he?

As if he can read your mind—or maybe it’s just god playing tricks on you—Bucky shifts around in the bed again, turning toward you. You don’t know if he’s sleeping yet or not, but you curl in on yourself a little to give him more space to stretch out.

Bucky’s vibranium arm slides over your waist, cool metal grazing by the sliver of skin peeking out from underneath your shirt, and when you flinch from it, he pulls you flush against him. Behind you, the bare skin of his chest is warm, almost too hot. Super soldiers run warmer than normal humans, and you think he’d be nice to have in bed more often.

In your ear, Bucky groans in his sleep and it makes you shiver despite the heat radiating through your back. He must be like Steve, wanting to cuddle in his sleep. No one ever wants to admit it out loud, but you’re the best thing to cuddle in the Tower. Being squishy and soft atop hard, strong muscle means you’re more comfortable than all the rigid bodies of the Avengers. Maybe Bucky needs this.

But you wish you could fall asleep so you’ll stop thinking about how much you’ve wanted this since the day you saw him, the new Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes, hair tied up in a messy bun and stubble thick and dark, vibranium arm hidden within the sleeve of his leather jacket.

Suddenly, everything is too hot. The room, the motel sheets, the pillow beneath your head. Bucky Barnes behind you, arm slung over your body, holding you to him. He’s sleeping, you know, the quiet rumble of his breathing a song in your ear, chest rising and falling against your back. You shift a little, trying to get more comfortable as the warmth starts to become unbearable. When that doesn’t help, you shift again, trying to pull your back away from Bucky, but it sends your bottom half straight into his.

A growl brushes by your ear all breathy and low and Bucky’s arm tightens around you, bringing you back to him.

Damn, who knew Bucky was such a cuddler when he’s sleeping?

You wait a few minutes, keeping still, until you’re sure he’s slipped back into unconsciousness. His nose is nearly pressed into your hair, his breaths upsetting the small wisps of hairs that curl at your ear. Sweat is starting to collect underneath your shirt where your bodies are connected and you know you’ll never be able to fall asleep like this.

Again, you shift toward the edge of the bed, trying to pull yourself out of Bucky’s grasp, but he drags you back into his embrace. The swell of your ass meets his thigh and in a panic, you move around to try and put space between the two of you again, but Bucky lets out a strangled-sounding groan, hissing through his teeth.

“You gotta stop moving, doll, or you’re not gonna like what happens next.”

He is not asleep.

“Bucky?” you squeak, eyes wide, frozen in place.

“Hm?” His metal hand sneaks underneath the hem of your shirt, fingers finding your soft skin and thumb starting to rub little circles just above your hip, a point of pleasure on your body. No one ever touches you here, and it takes everything you have not to press back into him, asking for more. Your breathing is heavier now as you try to control yourself.

“You aren’t—Why aren’t you sleeping?” you ask, sounding winded from the simplest act of him touching you.

“Hard to sleep when you’re next to me,” he murmurs in your ear, nose brushing up against the patch of skin behind it. Your eyes flutter closed. Every small touch feels like heaven. You never allow others to touch you more than necessary, but now Bucky is handling you so gently.

“I can’t sleep either,” you whisper. “Do you want me to go? I can take a walk.”

He makes a noise of disapproval. “Just stay still,” he says, almost begging. “Go to sleep.”

“It’s hot,” you whine. “You’re too hot.”

You can feel him smirk into the back of your neck. “You don’t gotta tell me, doll.”

“Shut up,” you say with a huff of frustration, wiggling in the bed to get your point across. Immediately, Bucky’s vibranium hand falls to your hip, fingers digging into your flesh hard enough for the flash of pain to turn to pleasure, holding you still.

“I said stop moving,” he says, and it's so close to a command that your teeth tear into your bottom lip as his voice sends shocks through your core. Now, hyperaware of how close your bodies are underneath the sheets, you realize your ass is pressed against his pelvis, not his thigh, and you’ve definitely been—

Bucky grinds into you, seething, breath ghosting over your ear, his cock hard and heavy in his sweatpants.

Wetness pools between your thighs, dampening the thin cotton panties you wear beneath your sleep shorts.

“Bucky,” you breathe his name. “What are you doing?”

“So tired of you teasin’ me,” he grits through clenched teeth. “I’ve put up with it for so long—too long—and I just knew you were gonna do it tonight, too. Only one fucking bed. You’re gonna kill me, baby.”

Your voice sounds so small when you whisper, “What are you talking about?”

Then Bucky lays a kiss to the back of your neck, trailing upward until he reaches the lobe of your ear, and pulls it into his mouth and between his teeth. You shiver, violently, unable to stop the reaction. It must please him because he yanks your hips back into him again, forcing you to grind on his bulge.

Your hand comes up to cover your mouth, muffling whatever sounds threaten to fall from your lips.

“Doll, you’ve been teasin’ me from the beginning. From the moment I saw you in your gear on the Berlin mission, all your curves on display in that tight little cat-suit you’re always wearing, armed to the teeth, handling all those guns looking so fuckin’ gorgeous.”

You swallow hard. The Berlin mission, your first stealth mission with Bucky, had gone sour and the two of you found yourselves in a gun fight that was never meant to happen. You’re pretty sure you walked back onto the quinjet covered in blood, bruised, and a gash in your thigh that made you wobble when you stood up, and Bucky didn’t even look at you as per usual. Bucky never looks at you on missions unless he absolutely has to.

Wait.

“Is that why you never look at me?” you ask him, and you wish you could see his face right now, but all you can feel is his lips as they pepper kisses along the column of your throat, coaxing shudders and little squeaks out of you.

“You expect me to look at you without wanting to jump your bones, doll?” His nose caresses the spot at the top of your spine, his fingers melting at your hip and soothing the bruises you’re sure he’s already left. “That’s just askin’ too much, baby. How am I supposed to look at you and stop myself from kissin’ you silly?”

Pleasure flutters through your stomach, surging through the apex of your thighs.

“Then do it,” you tell him. Bucky goes still, unmoving, and you wonder if you’ve pushed too hard.

But then his voice is low, dark, in your ear. “You don’t know what you’re saying, doll.”

The honey dripping from your center, pooling in your underwear, says very differently. Instead of answering, you press your ass back into him, gyrating your hips straight upon his pelvis, rubbing against his clothed cock. Bucky chokes.

And then he’s up and above you, rolling your body beneath him, caging you between his arms. You nearly gasp when you look up at him, his blue eyes intense in a way you’ve never seen them before, his lips pink and swollen from biting—you’re sure yours look the same and he hasn’t even kissed you yet.

Bucky leans closer, his mouth only inches from yours, his breath mingling with yours. Your eyes threaten to flutter shut in anticipation but you force yourself to look at him, to take all of him in.

“If you want this, I won’t be able to hold myself back, doll. Wanted you too long. Need you.”

Then, he pulls back, eyes searching yours.

“But if you don’t,” he swallows, “then we’ll forget this ever happened, and everything will go back to normal.”

Fuck that.

“Kiss me, sergeant,” you command, hand shooting up to tangle in his thick hair.

Bucky curses and then he’s on you before you have a chance to reach up and meet him halfway. His lips are rough, chapped, but plush and perfect against yours. He wastes no time, tongue licking into your mouth and meeting yours, tasting you for the first time. You respond eagerly, hand fisting in his hair, pulling him into you until you can’t tell where his body ends and yours begins.

When he’s satisfied with how kiss-drunk you look, lips swollen and eyes hazy, he moves to the juncture of your neck and shoulder and sinks his teeth into your skin, causing you to cry out. The pain and the pleasure mingle, like lovers, like you and Bucky, as his fingers take hold of your shirt and in one tug, the fabric pulls apart at the seams.

You don’t care—you can buy a new shirt. You need him to touch you.

Until you realize you aren’t wearing a bra and that your top half is completely bare to Bucky, the man who, before a minute ago, you thought hated you because you were fat. Because it was the only explanation you had. Because you’re insecure.

Your hands fall upon his chest, bracing against him, stopping him in his tracks. He pulls away from your neck to look at you, brows drawn together in confusion, and all you can do is try and cover yourself with your arms before he gets a peek. It’s dark, but super soldiers can see in the dark. A blessing and a curse.

“I don’t want you to look at me,” you whisper so quietly you realize no normal person would have been able to hear it. “I’m—I shouldn’t have let you—I’m so fat, Bucky.”

Bucky’s eyes widen.

“Baby, baby,” he soothes you, his flesh hand coming up to cradle your cheek, fingers brushing delicately over your skin. “You don’t believe me when I say I want to see you? Doll, your body drives me insane, and god, every time you get an attitude with me and you put your hands on your hips and you look at me all mad…”

Bucky groans and he rocks his pelvis into yours, hard cock hitting your center and making your breath hitch.

“You’re beautiful, baby. Gorgeous. Do you know how hard it is for me to be around you sometimes ‘cause you’re just so pretty? More than pretty, I don’t even know the words to tell you, baby. Please, please don’t hide yourself from me, let me look at you, let me touch you, baby. S’all I want to do is look at you for the rest of my life.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until Bucky’s thumb swipes a tear away and you blink, and he’s smiling at you so warmly, really looking at you, maybe for the first time ever since you’ve known him.

“You think so?” you ask, breathless. “Even though you’re so—so good, Bucky, so beautiful and so good.”

He rests his forehead against yours, inhaling your scent, your essence, your soul. You nuzzle into his palm, kissing the center of his skin where his lifeline sits among other small scars. Then, you pull your arms away from your body, moving to wrap them around his neck, fingers digging into his scalp as you tip your chin up to slant your mouth over his. Bucky returns your enthusiasm, tongue meeting yours sweetly, and then metal fingers are trailing up your side.

Bucky pulls away, searching your eyes for consent.

“Say you’re mine,” he begs. “Say you’re mine, baby, but if you do, I won’t be gentle.”

You look up at him from underneath your lashes, already heady with the feeling of Bucky wanting you, desiring every part of you.

“I’m yours,” you whisper, and the mood in the room shifts violently.

In an instant, Bucky pulls your arms away from where they’re wound around his neck and pins them over your head, metal fingers locked around both your wrists. It makes you arch into him and then his nose is tracing your sternum, a line down your center, cutting you in half until his flesh hand attaches to your breast and his lips find your nipple.

Just like he said, he’s not gentle, and it has your eyes rolling into the back of your head, lids fluttering, as his teeth nip and tug at the delicate bud. His tongue follows the performance, sucking and soothing the pain away with sweet licks until he’s bored and moves onto the other one.

He lifts his head up to say, “Don’t move your hands,” and then his vibranium fingers find the hardened, sensitive nub and begin to twist and pull at it as his lips play with the other. The pleasure is overwhelming, the pain is a shocking reminder of who is playing your body like a symphony. You arch your breasts toward him, you roll your hips up to meet his bulge, you do anything you can to relieve the pressure that’s building in your core, screaming at you that you need his touch.

“Bucky,” you call out, moaning, struggling to keep your hands near the headboard.

“Do you need more, sweet girl?”

“Please,” you beg and press your center up to rub his cock. “It aches,” you whine.

“You gonna be a good girl for me? Let me touch you? Let me make the pain go away, baby?”

His words send new waves of pleasure through you, every part of you flushing with heat, your thighs squeezing together as if you can hide your leaking core from him.

“Yes, yes, yes, Bucky.”

He lays kisses on the underside of your breasts, just below them, like he’s following the lines of your ribs as he moves down toward your stomach—the part of you that you hate the most. You struggle underneath him.

“Not there,” you say as he places open-mouthed kisses on your soft belly. It tickles and makes you tremble and writhe.

He chuckles darkly. “I thought you said you were gonna be a good girl?” Both hands fall upon your hips, trapping you, fingers digging into your soft, pliant flesh as he nuzzles and licks and nips and kisses your stomach. You throw your head back, dizzy at the thought of what your body will look like tomorrow, purpled bruises made of passion.

“I’m a good girl,” you pant, mouth falling open as you struggle to catch your breath.

“Then let me touch you, doll. All of you—I want all of you.”

You hear the sound of fabric ripping before you feel the cool air rush over where your sleep shorts are no longer, Bucky tosses the tatters of fabric over the edge of the bed. He inhales sharply at the sight of you, hands roaming over the wide breadth of your hips as if he can’t even draw himself away, smoothing over your stretch marks with loving strokes until he finds the thick expanse of your bare thighs.

Bucky’s thumb brushes over your clothed cunt, panties drenched, and a strangled moan flies from your mouth as you press toward him, begging for more.

“This all for me?” he asks, voice gravelly. “My pretty baby is all wet like this for me? Christ, doll, you’re dripping.”

“Yes!” you shout as metal fingers hook around your underwear to rip them off, parting your lips to watch your slick seep from your aching core. “It’s all for you, Bucky, all of it.”

He groans at this. “Good girl,” he praises you. “That’s my good girl.”

And then he sinks two fingers into you, your juices soaking his hand almost immediately, and pumps into you like his life depends on it. The pleasure is too much, and when his thumb finds your clit and begins to slide over it, your knees try to close out of instinct, hips canting away from the pleasure. Bucky growls and wraps an arm around your hips, keeping you close, baring your naked body to him and him alone.

“You like that?” His voice is low, teasing, so fucking hot you can’t do anything but gasp for breath. “You’re sucking my fingers in, baby. So tight. Gotta work you open or you’re never gonna be able to take my cock, honey.”

You whimper his name, hips twitching under his grasp, crying out as every stroke of his fingers brings you closer and closer to the edge. When he adds a third, you think you might die from the mix of pleasure and pain as he stretches your walls.

“You’re such a good girl,” he coos. “You’re gonna take it all, aren’t you? Been teasin’ me too long, and now you’ve gotta take it all, baby.”

He drives his fingers inside and hits the soft, spongy spot inside of you and it breaks you apart, tears you asunder, you’re arching off the bed and Bucky holds his thumb on your clit as you undulate upon his fingers. You can feel the gush of come that trickles down his thick fingers, and then he pulls out and places them in his mouth, licking your honey from the digits as the aftershocks of your orgasm wrack through you.

And when you can finally open your eyes, vision hazy, Bucky is looking at you with a mix of adoration and lust, licking your juice from his lips, grinning.

“That’s my good girl,” he praises again and the fire of pleasure and want and need ignites.

“Need you,” you whine, “right now, please, please sergeant.”

“Fuck,” he curses. “You don’t know what you do to me when you say that, doll.”

You definitely know what you do to him, and you’re gonna keep saying it and saying it until he’s yours, forever, until the end, until he’s buried so deep inside of you that you could die happy.

Staring up at him, your face flushed, hair sticking to your sweaty forehead and spread among the motel pillows, you think you might be in love with Bucky Barnes.

“Need me to fuck you, baby? Fuck, you drive me so fuckin’ crazy. I’m crazy about you, baby. You’re so goddamn perfect, so soft, so beautiful.” Bucky’s hands touch every part of you, even the places you hate. He finds the soft rolls of fat you try to work off at the gym, finds the squishy parts of your upper arms you think look unsightly when you’re hacking into HYDRA’s systems, fingers flying over the keyboard. He passes over your stubbly legs, a little sharp from three days of not shaving while on the mission, he caresses the dimples of cellulite in the backs of your thighs you hate so much.

And then he pushes the waistband of his sweats down and kicks his pants off, his cock exposed and standing attention all red at the tip and thick and hard and hot, and his hands slide underneath your thighs and press you up until you’re angled to take him.

He hesitates though, you feel it. And god, you’d do anything for him.

“Fuck me, sergeant,” you beg so prettily, and Bucky growls.

His hips snap into yours, cock sliding through your walls, parting you for him, splaying you open, stretching you, burning you, he’s everything. Bucky gives you one second to adjust and then he’s moving within you, the pain blurring into pleasure, your head thrown back, keening, moaning, crying out, nails sinking into his shoulders.

“Yes,” he hisses, sweat dripping down his temple as he rams into you over and over and over. “Give it to me, baby. You feel so good.”

“Harder,” you manage in between your shrieks and moans and Bucky answers your call with a response. He drags you toward him until your hips are attached to his, connected, his cock reaching the deepest parts of you, the darkest parts of you, and you sob as the new angle makes you feel every single drag of his length. The head of his cock pierces you, smashing against the spot that makes you keen, and the pressure is building up within you again.

Bucky’s fingers find purchase in the plush flesh that sits on your hips, dragging down until he’s digging into your thick thighs, the sharp pain a beacon cutting through the haze of pleasure you’re locked in as he fucks you. It’s building, building, building, pressure, building.

“Come for me,” he snarls, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, like he can feel how close you are. And for the second time, your body is shattered and your orgasm breaks like a wave crashing against the shore, swallowing you whole until you’re lost in everything that is Bucky.

You scream his name, legs tightening around him like you’re trying to hold onto something, anything, and his words are lost on you.

“That’s it, good girl, that’s my good girl, coming so sweet around my cock, god you feel so good baby, so tight, such a good little girl.”

Bucky pulls out of you and you whine as your slick slips out of you, his cock coated in your essence, smearing it against your inner thighs. But it doesn’t last that long. With an immediacy that turns you on—he wants you, he wants you so bad—Bucky grabs you and flips you over, putting you on your hands and knees. His palm forces your head down, back bowing until you’re arched with your ass upturned, face smashed into the pillows.

“God,” he groans, “this fuckin’ ass of yours, baby. It gets me in so much trouble, d’ya know that? You don’t even know how many times I’ve caught myself watching the way your ass swings when you walk, like y’gotta purpose, like you don’t even know how fuckin’ sexy you are.”

Bucky’s hands round over your ass, caressing them gently, then grabbing fistfuls of your flesh until you’re crying out once again. It makes you lean back into him, trying to seek out the pleasure of him, wiggling as if you can entice him to stuff you with his cock again.

“So fuckin’ pretty,” he breathes, and then he gives your right cheek a slap that makes you shriek, laying a kiss on it just after to soothe the pain.

“Please sergeant,” you gasp. “Please, please, I need you to fuck me again.”

“You want me to fuck you again?” he asks, smug. “I just fucked you ‘till you came around me, baby. You need me to do it again?”

It’s humiliating, but your words are jumbled as you cry and beg and cry and beg for him to take you again. You need him. You need him to fuck you. You need Bucky Barnes to do anything and everything to you.

He leans over you, breath hot on the back of your neck. “I’m gonna fuck you now, baby, again and again and again.”

And then he slams back into you, the angle so much deeper this time, cock hitting the back of your cunt like he was made for you—like you were made for him.

You can’t speak, can’t think, can’t do anything but drool into the pillow as he takes you from behind like a wild animal. The sounds that pour from your open lips are heady and strung together, making no sense, but Bucky knows what you need. He fucks you raw, fucks you hard, fucks you until you know you’ll be covered in bruises in the morning. His metal arm is wrapped around your waist, holding you to him because you don’t have the strength to hold yourself up.

When his thrusts become sloppy, Bucky takes his vibranium hand and searches for your clit, making you cry out. It’s too much—the overstimulation. You’re too sensitive, too exhausted, too fucked out to take the pleasure anymore. But you clench around him, the sloppy sounds of your wet heat taking Bucky as he pounds into you making you flush, and the coil in your stomach is tightening.

“Give it to me,” Bucky commands, ramming into you impossibly harder, fingers sliding over your slick clit. “Give it to me, baby.”

You whine his name and Bucky’s free hand smacks your ass again, the sound of flesh on flesh mingling with the sound of him fucking you.

“You said you’d be good,” he grits through his teeth. “Are you a good girl?”

“Yes,” you pant.

“You’re a good girl?”

“Yes.”

“You’re my good girl?”

“Yes, sergeant, yes!”

“Then give it to me. Come, baby, come for me, one more time.”

And like that, you come apart, knees collapsing beneath you. Bucky catches you in his arms, thrusting once, twice more, and then buries himself so far inside of you that you barely feel his hot seed spurt inside of you, coating your insides.

You fall to the bed and Bucky follows, pulling out of you and wrapping his arms around you, pressing your back to his chest in the very position that started this all. He peppers kisses over the expanse of your shoulders, behind your ear, and then turns you until he can connect his lips to yours. Bucky kisses you like he means it, like he wants it to last forever.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispers against your mouth, then he’s off the bed and headed for the bathroom. You lay there in bliss, staring up at the ceiling with lidded eyes, unable to think of anything but the pleasure and exhaustion that make up your body right now. When Bucky returns, he has a ratty washcloth in hand and he uses it to clean between your legs. It’s warm and he’s gentle, leaving you shivering when he’s finished.

When he climbs back in bed, he tucks a piece of your matted hair behind your ear, smiling at you.

“Such a good girl,” he says, one last time, and it makes you smile. “My good girl,” he murmurs as he kisses you again.

“Yours?” You look up at him, blinking innocently.

“Mine.” Bucky lays your head upon his bare chest. “All mine.”

You fall asleep before him to the sound of his breathing, sharing the same bed with your co-worker Bucky Barnes, who you really think you might be in love with, especially as he strokes your hair so softly until your eyes fall, heavy.

Taglist: @melancholic-metanoia @kitkatd7 @mimiswitchywrites @tripleyeeet @allidoiswritewritewrite

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fic #one shot #drabble #fic requests #inbox me to request a fic!#smut fic #thanks for supporting me!#divine masterlist

2K notes · View notes

otherwindow · 2 years

Note

I just read your blooming dead AU and just, I have no words *chef's kiss*

I haven't read through quite all of it so I'm sorry if I ask something that's been asked before (and for the spam) <3

Do they become docile in the snow? I for one love the smell of freshly fallen snow

Are they attracted to fire? The smell of burning wood is kinda comforting but could the smoke run the risk of sending them into a frenzy ?

Have you ever seen an Icelandic lupine field? If not, please google it and imagine hoards living there

If a person liked more savoury smells in life do people maybe use spices to make them docile?

If someone is a bad person do they get flowers that symbolise that? Like maybe foxglove and orange lilies? If so, how would people react to seeing a bloom like that?

Do they sometimes go into apple orchards or such? Just break into nice smelling places and spooking the living daylights out of the farmers?

Can too much sweet smell overwhelm them or send them into a frenzy? Like if someone dropped a whole perfume bottle

Aghh I'm so in love with the world building!! please expect more questions as soon as I think of something

-Mint anon

(I'm just signing it so you know it's me when I inevitably come back with more questions and ideas <3)

Ahhhh thank you for being curious!!!

1) Any pleasant scent can calm a zombie! If a zombie liked the scent of snow pre-turning, then they'd be happy in the snow :)

2) Fire in the Blooming Dead setting are never set aflame without at least adding dried flowers or something to aid with the scent in case zombies are nearby :O

3: omggggg.... purple hordes....

4: That's right! Scents from a zombie's fav food from before they turned will keep them calm :)

5: Some blooming zombies are marked with flowers and have information (usually an id card somewhere on the body) to let Florists identify them. It's generally agreed that only "good" people can become the blooming dead - HOWEVER, if a blooming zombie was later found out to have done awful things as a person, they're "plucked" by a Florist.

6: Zombies only wander around stinky places, but if one manages to get near a fruit farm it's a full emergency!!! Not just because the zombie is dangerous, but because there might be something wrong with the produce/plants if it's stinky enough for zombies to go to.

7: Pleasant scents are good, but too much will make a zombie act funky. Literally anything weird can happen, like if you douse a zombie in perfume it could follow you, and when the perfume goes bad mixes with their rot they'll be surrounded by a horde 💀

Thank you again for the questions!!! I've been meaning to answer some more in my inbox but I've been hooked on other zombie media right now 👀

#blooming dead #zombies #reply #anonymous #long post #i have been playing back 4 blood every day is what im trying to say

202 notes · View notes

rainycitysworld · 2 years

Note

I was off Tumblr for like a week and I had to do a double take when I saw your posts! I'm so glad your back and doing a bunch of fandoms! Can you maybe do the veteran trio and how they get together with their S/O who's also a scout? I need some fluff before today's episode...

Awww, thank you anon! Happy to be back :) and same!!!! Every Sunday is sheer fear and excitement 🙃

Also, I love the veterans!

Erwin getting together with S/O

I imagine whoever this person is, they’ve been with Erwin day one, like maybe even when he was in training.

I think they’d have to be because: 1) I think Erwin would find it inappropriate with his position to be with just any solider 2) Before he pursued anything he had to know they didn’t go down easy and that they understood what being a Scout meant

They’d definitely be equals, friends, colleagues, confidants, and someone to soundboard ideas off of before becoming partners in the romantic sense.

The romance would be a pretty slow burn, maybe some light flirting when they were young, a lot of trauma bonding when they first start the Scouts and eventually it turns into something else

One night, they have a glass of wine while going over riding formations that goes a little too late into the night. It turns into some long deep talk about their hopes and dreams if the Titans were ever gone then before either of them knows it his hand is on S/O’s knee then thigh.

There’s tension that should be awkward but more inevitable than anything and that’s the first night anything happens.

After that I bet Erwin and S/O spend more time together but nothing official. I think it would take a long time for anything serious due to both their fears of committing if they could die at any moment.

But eventually both come around because at this point, they’re only lacking a label.

Hange and Levi knew this whole time and Hange tried to get Levi to place a bet on when they would get together but Levi said that was stupid and didn’t partipate. Still he’s happy for his friend.

S/O and Levi compete for Erwin’s attention

Levi getting together with S/O

Levi’s allegiance before meeting S/O goes: Erwin, Scouts, himself

A solider starts making their way up the ranks, racking up impressive numbers, Levi has room on his squad and after interviewing them thinks they’d be a good match to his team so he invites them to join.

After several missions they slowly get to know each other better and start to develop a relationship with each other outside of killing Titans

Levi is protective of S/O but no more than the rest of him team. This doesn’t change after they become more official, to have a relationship with him there has to be a tremendous amount of trust.

But Levi starts to notice that S/O is starting to compete with Erwin and his Ackerman genes kick in around them sometimes. It’s weird and that’s when he starts to think he’s in trouble around them.

Eventually they go on a mission and it’s super bad, a lot of people die and nothing gets accomplished- maybe they even lose a member of the team.

They’re just sort of sitting in silence, exhausted, leaning against each other when Levi says “I’m glad your safe, I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t” and from there it moves into a kiss and then a little more...

The next morning Levi feels like shit for being “weak” but doesn’t regret it, he’s just not sure if it was a good idea.

Has similar reservations to Erwin but doesn’t take as long to break and gives in, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

The 104 kids go to S/O before Levi when they want something (The classic ask mom (or the nice parent) before dad)

Hange getting together with S/O

The least brooding about relationships. Still has similar concerns but is more in the camp of “Would rather love and lost than never loved at all”

Probably bonding a lot over what else but Titan anatomy

Hange would fall for anyone who let them go on for hours about their favorite topic.

Knows the have feelings for S/O for a while but waits to act until the perfect time because they’re dramatic.

The confession has to be the best part though: Hange and S/O are fighting a Titan together, Hange gleefully so, and once it’s cut down they stand on top of the corpse and yell “I LOVE YOU S/O”.

Erwin and Levi see the whole thing and are equally surprised and not surprised.

S/O is either in the same boat as them or equally unhinged and thinks it’s super romantic.

Either way they spend the rest of the mission assisting each other in kills and S/O watching Hange’s back as they try to conduct research. When they get back home it’s straight to the lab for more research. Of both Titan and human anatomy ;)

Levi thinks he’s free of babysitting Hange. He is very wrong. Now he has two people he’s gotta look after.

#attack on titan #attack on titan headcanons #Erwin Smith #levi ackerman #hange zoe #ask #snk #shingeki no kyojin #aot

37 notes · View notes

quarthly · 3 years

Text

Twilight characters as random animals that I think are oddly fitting

(Also yes, I am roasting the animals as well)

Edward: He would be a Cheetah. Now I know, seems like a cop out just because of his speed but hear me out. Cheetahs are, at face value, pretty cool. They used to be my favorite animal as a child, but then I grew up.

Cheetahs, through no fault of their own, are severely inbred. Now thats mainly because of poaching, but the cheetas anxiety also comes into play. In captivity, cheetahs are usually given emotional support dogs. I will admit it is cute but it negatively affects the population. Excluding one in the wild, cheetas can be to anxious to breed and thats not good for conservation efforts.

Cheetahs can hit up to 80 miles per hour in a couple of seconds. They are designed for fast running and agility. Their claws are similar to that of a dogs for better traction and they have elongated spines for longer strides. They have a thin build, long legs and a long tail for balance.

This has downsides though. Many times after making a kill, it will get stolen for them by larger predators. Thats right, they get absolutely bodied by the other animals. I should probably make these shorter but I'm on a rant now, so I guess this will be semi educational.

Throughout the series, we see Edward over estimated his abilities and value, constantly getting bodied by others. He's essentially a perfect mormon, though thats on S'meyers. He constantly judges others, dehumanizing them to their baser flaws, without doing any self reflecting. Him viewing himself as a monster doesn't really count to me. While he definitely hates himself, the only thing he is truly demonizing is being a vampire.

Bella: Picking up from Edwards, Bella is a Chocolate Labrador. Yes, she is his therapy dog. I feel like this is really fitting for her. I know Golden retriever would make more sense, as thats the most common breed for service animals. However, I kind of focused on her appearance. Only at first though! I just know that Edward raved about her human qualities and that would pass over as animals as well. Her chocolate eyes and brown fur, very average and boring. Thats essentially Bella. Even Edward wasn't into her until he got a wiff. Labradors a very loyal dogs and while they have more personality than Bella, I just couldn't shake it. Their also very stupid. Ok that's kind of mean, they're not stupid but when it comes to love, then yeah they are stupid.

I used to have a lab, loved him to death, but god he was something else. Very much danger prone, from their own stupidity or their lack of survival instincts. I know that labs are almost aquatic. They love water, swimming, all that jazz. We can just say that bella has a few screws loose in her dna and is just "not like other labs."

Rosalie: Now she was hard. There are quite a few animals that I think would fit for her. I'll list the other ones, but that one I went with is the Swan. Like Edward, seems a little on the nose, but I have my reasoning.

I was going to pick a predator for her, as she is shown to be very vengeful and viscous. I would have pick some type of cat, most likely a purebred, from a rich family. It could still work, but the swan just speaks to me on this one.

Swan's are known for being beautiful, graceful, and are pictured as the symbol of love. They are also very vain. Edward constantly brings up Rosalies vanity. She was constantly valued for her beauty as a human, so of course that crossed over in the transformation. She was raised to be married into wealth, she was used as a bargaining chip to increase the family's standing.

Rose has a very strong character and makes her opinions known. She's assertive and aggressive at times. She's not afraid to get dirty.

Swans mate for life and like geese, are known for being great parents. I was also going to choose geese as an option for the maternal instincts. I was wary at first because swans can be really aggressive. Like actually, you think geece are bad? Yikes bestie...

I was conflicted because swans are known for drowning dogs and sometimes people. However, I can actually see Rose drowning Bella. It's not that unbelievable lmao.

Emmett: Now this one is just ironic. I only associate him with bears. Its inevitable, but picking a Grizzly or Black bear is too obvious. So I went a slightly different route...

So I was going to pick the Sun bear just because of looks alone. Like, I'm not exaggerating, it looks like someone wearing a bear costume. I don't think it fits him but I know for a fact that he would dress up as a sun bear and sneak into a zoo to see if anyone would notice. I'll put a pic of it here

Like look at this thing. I have no words...

Anyway, what I picked was a Sloth Bear. Now Sloth bears are mostly nocturnal, which either way works consider vamps don't sleep. Their diet is also odd but honestly so is the cullens. They're native to the Indian subcontinent, and are known for being aggressive towards humans. Its said that for the most part they're pretty calm, so I think its just fear of humans that make them act aggressively. Honestly, that's a good thing because they are listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red list.

They have some similarities with sloths, which is where they get the name. They have long claws and unusual teeth. They are known to hang upside down from tree branches, and is described as having a messy appearance. Honestly, Emmitt has a messy personality. Sorry bestie but you're a lot of work.

Now heres the biggest reason for choosing this bear. Aside from Baloo from the jungle book being a sloth bear, they are known to run fades with Tigers. Honestly, how fucking badass is that!? Now I don't think there are recorded instances of a Sloth bear killing a Tiger, but when push comes to shove, they can hold their own and I find that incredibly impressive.

Carlisle: This one was somehow the easiest as well as the toughest. I know Owl seems like the obvious choice, and I can see it. However, I believe Carlisle values emotional intelligence as much or if not more than academic intelligence. He is so charismatic and values other's above himself. He might not be as Saint like as Edward thinks, but he does try and I think he genuinely cares about others. For that reason alone, I choose a Elephant.

Elephant's are very social animals and are extremely intelligent. I could rave about them for ages, I love them so much.

Now elephants live in a familial unit and are usually matriarchal. Bulls usually are on the outer edges of the herd or form little groups with other males. Honestly, they're not that bad aside from when their in musk.

In the group of males, the elder ones will teach the younger where to get the best food, water, how to use things as tools, and every other thing that will increase their odds of survival. This is really cute to me tbh, they do this because the females usually choose the older males because they've proved that they are intelligent and strong, that they have survived and will continue to for awhile. Teaching the younger males these things are to make the odds of them getting chosen to mate more likely. The whole unit just reminds me of a father that has to deal with rowdy teens.

Carlisle likes to take in strays, he might not have a herd but he will make one and teach them to thrive. That's how he envisions it anyway. He just has a found family and is trying his best.

Esme: Now this might seem like an insult, but I promise it's not! This is in no way misogynistic. I love cattle and ever since I took animal science in highschool, I have appreciated these grass puppies like they deserve. Call me Castro because I love cows.

Yup! I chose a Cow for her. Specifically a beef cow. That might sound weird but its because beef cows have higher maternal instinct than dairy cows. I'm thinking Scottish Highland based on vibes alone.

They are nicknamed the Gentle Giants of Scotland. Super maternal and sweet and ugh look how cute they are!

Esme came from a abusive marriage and had just lost her child, she was depressed and desperate. Her changing was, in a way, salvation. She just fits in. She adopts all these strays along with him and will protect them to the death. She might be gentle by nature, but don't fuck with her family. She lost her first one and she isn't going to lose this one.

Alice: She's an odd one. There are so many possibilities and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like she would be a Crow.

Ok listen, I'm definitely biased but it just feels right. Crows get a bad rap, they are so cool! They are so intelligent and have the ability to actually sit and think about the past, prest, and future. I forget what its called, but this was only seem in humans! Maybe other apes, I can't remember exactly, but either way its awesome. They do live in groups, or murders, and remember people and faces. They remember locations and are able to pass down information through generations. They essentially have their own language! They are able to use tools too!

Alice's story is really sad. When we first meets her, it revolves around the death of her mother and her institutionalized. She was essentially tortured and forgot everything from her past. All she had was the future and even that wasn't constant. Crows a often viewed as omens, they are associated with death. I personally believe that instead of being the cause, they just know something is going to happen. They are very inquisitive and can be creative.

If you befriend a murder of crows, sometimes, depends or the group, they will bring gifts. Its can range from food to shiny metals and colorful plastic. Hell, I think I've seen a post of one stealing things from people just to gift it to their human.

Alice's love language is gifts. Even if they are focused around fashion, she still goes out of her way to get something that will look good and at least be a little comfortable. By that I mean she tends to forget peoples comfort zones, but she means well.

Jasper: Honestly not to sure what to put for him. I know a predator would be more fitting, but for some reason I can see a donkey working. I know, seems like I'm clowning on the confederate. Fair, but I'm serious about the donkey thing. Honestly, it would be perfect if it wasn't a herbivore. Porcupine would also work.

Being a predator would make more sense. Given his backstory and his characterization, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a prey animal. Usually I wouldn't count this, but given his gore filled past and trouble with the diet, it seemed fitting.

I see him as a Big Cat. Honestly, vamps in general just give cat vibes. Jasper though especially have some cat like qualities, which originates from hunting and being a soldier.

I specifically see him as a Mountain Lion. Aside from him being blonde, he just has the predatory stealth to him. In midnight sun, we see him use his gift to make the nomads overlook him. He's honestly really powerful.

Mountain lions are known for being stealthy with an air of grace and power to them. They are stong animals. And I mean strong. They can jump 40-45 feet.

They're very elusive and quite. They stalk their prey and tend to attack from behind but don't think they won't hold their ground if need be.

Jasper was changed during the Civil War and forced to fight in the Newborn wars. He was a soldier as a human and as a vampire. He's able to feel and manipulate others emotions. He's covered in scars and is very intimidating.

He still struggles with the diet and honestly I hate how the others handle it. Like they have no room to talk. I don't want to defend the confederate but it just pisses me off. He has to deal with his hunger on top of everyone else's. Like damn, besties always on edge! Everyone doubts him which I don't think helps any.

Also, Mountain lions and Cheetahs can purr!

@aquanova99 I'll do a Volturi one too. That one will be fun lmao

#twilight saga #the twilight saga #twilight au #bella swan #edward cullen #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #jasper hale #jasper cullen #alice cullen #rosalie hale #rosalie cullen #emmett cullen #the cullens #the volturi #honestly look at the muscle definition on that thing #jesus chriiiist

71 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 4 years

Text

TogaChako - Good Girl and Bad Girl

Toga Himiko and Uraraka Ochako embody the classic good girl slash bad girl dynamic. It’s a classic dynamic in which one girl will represent what is the traditionally held notions of what a “good girl is” ie/ pure, nice, friendly and the other girl will embody the opposite of that a “bad girl” impure, mean, slutty. Inevitably, these two girls will fight. However, the crux of the good girl bad girl dynamic is that while the girls are total opposites on the outside, inside they’re the same, cuz they’re both girls after all.

Uraraka and Toga are written to be compared, they’re character foils, because the conclusion we’re supposed to come to isn’t one of them is good, one of them is bad, one of them is selfless, one is selfsh. Rather, they’re written so we see it’s the difference in circumstances that made them who they were. Toga became bad because bad things happened to her. Uraraka is good, because she was born into a good life. What makes a bad girl bad and what makes a good girl good? More under the cut.

1. Good Girl

Describe Uraraka Ochako. She’s a normal girl. She’s spunky. She puts other people first. She became a hero to help her parents make money, and feels bad because her motivations aren’t as selfless as say her close friend Izuku Midoriya’s. (But that’s wrong because she literally is being selfless, her reason for becoming a hero has entirely to do with benefitting someone else and not herself). She’s supportive, and friendly. She’s always cheerful and never lets herself get too down.

Uraraka represents the standard of a good girl in hero society. She’s always ready to help her friends, but ultimately she’s kind of passive. She works hard but is not too ambiitous. She’s selfless and always thinks of other people before herself. She has all of these good qualities.

However, I would argue Uraraka is a lot more complex then this. On the surface she seems to be just a good, nice girl who wants to help others, but her internal mechanisms are complex. While yes I agree Uraraka doesn’t have much of an arc so far due to lack of focus, there’s a difference between not having an arc and not being a complex character.

A simple character - what you see is what you get. A complex character - Has internal mechanisms that show the surface isn’t as simple as you thought.

A simple arc - character moves through the plot without changing who they are. A complex arc - character struggles in a way that fores them to change.

Uraraka’s inner mechanisms are complex in that there’s more too her in what we see at the surface, it’s just she hasn’t been challenged in any way. The plot doesn’t address her flaw and try to force her to change.

With that in mind let’s get into Uraraka’s character. Uraraka is defined to her goodness. Uraraka pushes herself to always be good to others. The reason being is that Uraraka is a very sensitive girl who is attune to the feelings of other people.

Uraraka gets serious for just a second, and people remark that she doesn’t seem like her normal self.

Uraraka then immediately backs up and gets embarrassed. She goes out of her way to beat herself up and denigrate herself in front of others, insisting her motivations are much more selfish than people like Ida and Deku.

Uraraka then tells Deku and Iida that she’s not becoming a hero for her own sake, but for someone else’s. Her entire motivation is to help both of her parents live easier lives, because she feels like she’s been a burden on them and pursuing her own dreams would be too selfish.

Uraraka is very secretive of her own feelings. She’s almost afraid to come off as selfish which is why she doesn’t share what her real goal is. Also, when she starts to get a little motivated to accomplish something for herself, everybody around her remarks how different this is from the fun-loving Uraraka they all know. Also, one last detail Uraraka never even talks about herself, and her friends don’t really think to ask, because Uraraka just so naturally makes things about others and not herself.

It’s already been elaborated why the reason Uraraka grew so perceptive. Uraraka’s parents were struggling to make ends meet and she grew up in poverty, and even if she has good parents that try really hard not to let the effect of this struggle show in front of her, Uraraka saw it anyway because kids are always watching their parents.

Uraraka learned to be sensitive to her parents needs, to never demand too much for her parents, her behaviors all became centered around not becoming a burden to others.

Uraraka thinks it’s only natural to put others first and help others before helping herself. That other people’s happiness is more important than her own. Because she’s someone naturally empathic. Because she’s someone naturally able to see the pain and struggle other people go through, because she grew up seeing it. However, the problem with this behavior is it makes Uraraka essentially a support to everyone else.

Uraraka is constantly putting others up on a pedestal and using that as an excuse to lower herself further and further. As cute as her admiration for Deku is, it’s also a bit unhealthy - as she uses it as an excuse to beat herself up. She sees Deku as this amazing person, whose always struggling to help everyone, whose always saving everyone for completely selfless reasons and she always suffers in the comparison.

I think part of Uraraka wants to stand out like Deku does, and has the same desire to go all out to save people, but Uraraka is so used to being secondary in her own life she can’t bring herself to.

Uraraka can’t even cry in front of others. I think, the most telling behavior she has in the entire series is the moment where she breaks down on the phone describing everything she did wrong because this is how Uraraka sees herself. She’s so extremely critical of herself, and constantly apologizing for herself, while at the same time hiding what she really feels from others.

Uraraka has all these self esteem issues that she basically just shelves so she can play the good, nice girl, that gets along well and is friends with everyone.

Uraraka assigns the role of group placater and peacemaker for herself because it’s something she’s so naturally good at and she’s always thinking of others, but because of that, Uraraka herself suffers. Uraraka only knows how to help people by belittling herself and her own role in things.

Uraraka’s greatest fear is being selfish. She doesn’t want to look like a bad girl. That’s the connection between Toga and Uraraka, because what Uraraka is afraid of ultimately is living her life the way Toga does.

2. Bad Girl

Toga is everything that Uraraka is afraid of being, and lives the life that Uraraka is afraid of living. Uraraka is someone so afraid of being selfish, and getting distracted that she is not even allowed to have a crush on a boy. Whereas, Toga lives her life chasing what she loves. Everything Uraraka represses about herself, Toga expresses. That’s the difference between the two of them.

When Uraraka first encounters Toga, her willingness to chase what she loves looks from Uraraka’s perspective to be entirely monstrous. Uraraka sees Toga as a selfish monster, because in part she is afraid of appearing that way.

Toga Himiko the bad girl.

However that’s far from the whole picture of Toga. When we see her away from Uraraka’s perspective she’s entirely different. She’s someone empathic, capable of being kind to others, and thinking about others feelings.

Toga’s just as capable of reading other people and addressing their feelings as Uraraka is. However, there’s still a key difference in their behavior. Uraraka acts to avoid conflict. When she intervenes, what she usually does is act in a way that avoids stepping on toes, and touts the “we should all get along and be friends’ line. Whereas, Toga is someone who directly addresses the conflict and the hurt feelings of others.

For Uraraka the most important thing is getting along with others. For Toga the most important thing is being true to her own emotions. Which is why she’s able to directly address the problem with Twice, she didn’t tell him to bear with it, she told him she knew he was in pain but that the two of them could take down the mafia together.

Even Himiko’s most selfish monster moments aren’t really that monstrous. Himiko’s reason for stalking both Uraraka and Deku is not because she’s weird and creepy, but because she wants to be a normal kid just like them.

Himiko’s reason for sucking the blood of high school girls and taking on their appearances isn’t because she’s preadtory, it’s because she’s been a runaway with no home for two years and she’s terrified of getting caught.

Himiko who is framed as a selfish monster, is actually quite the normal girl. She’s a normal girl reacting to the pressures of the society around her. The kicker is that Himiko isn’t someone who just decided to flip and turn out this way, she is only the way she is because she tried to live like Uraraka did at first.

Himiko tried to push everything down and live like a normal girl. She tried to lie about herself so she’d be a good, nice, harmless girl. She only became so selfish, because she tried to live selflessly first. She only prioritizes herself, because she was used to putting herself down before this. We see her classmates react to her, they all describe Himiko was the kind of girl that Uraraka is right now.

However, behaviors in Uraraka that are self-defeating and unhealthy, are absolutely ruinous in Himiko. Himiko has no sense of self, because she spent so long trying to be what others wanted her to be. Himiko is who she is, in reaction to the pressures of everyone around her.

When Himiko tries to figure herself out, she always gets the same response. Why do you have be so selfish? Why can’t you just act normal? Which completely ignores the fact that she TRIED and that’s what got her here.

The main difference between Uraraka and Toga is not one of them being good, and the other being bad. Toga’s been through way harsher life circumstances. Uraraka has parents that affirm her identity, and Toga’s parents deny her over and over again.

The point of the good girl bad girl dynamic is that they’re both girls in the end. Yes, Uraraka’s never reacted as badly as Himiko has. However, Uraraka’s also never been pushed so far. In fact someone as empathic as Uraraka can be oblivious to the suffering of others.

Uraraka doesn’t see what Himiko is going through, because she hasn’t suffered the way Himiko has.

It’s like. When you have a good sibling and a bad sibling. The good sibling always behaves because they conform to the pressure their parents put on them. The bad sibling acts out in response to that pressure, and because of that their parents have to discipline them and they end up soaking up most of the parent’s attention. In that situation the good sibling can come to ressent the bad sibling for acting out and needing attention in the first place.

Reasonable child and unreasonable child. There exist these black and white categories to define children into where one looks good and one looks bad, that actually totally fail to address the child’s behavior because people are complex and therefore don’t fit into black and white categories. But, Uraraka is still working with that black and white logic when it comes to heroes and villains. Even though she’s usually so good at sussing out the complex nuance of other people’s feelings.

This is what’s happening here in this chapter. You can apply the dynamic between the two of them to the conflict at large. Toga is selfish for acting out and causing problems for others, because she wants her own personal grievances to be addressed. Uraraka is sefless because all she cares about right now is helping the most amount of people. Uraraka is willing to repress herself, and put others needs before her own, because what’s most important is everybody gets along.

However, Uraraka insinuates, the same way that Himiko’s parents once insinuated that Himiko’s acting out just makes her selfish.

We’ve seen this conflict before. Himiko literally went into the conflict to ask this question. Do problem children like her count as “everyone”. However, no matter what happens this arc, no matter what critcisisms the villains levvy against the heroes we get the same hollow repettition of “Heroes save everyone”. Which is why Himiko looks just about to snap here.

Uraraka who is used to brushing conflicts aside and avoiding them for the sake of “everyone gettling along” sees the girl who can’t get along with “everyone” and calls her selfish. To Himiko, this is the same words she’s been hearing her entire life. “Why are you making a fuss? Why can’t you just be normal.”

From one perspective, yes Uraraka is the one fighting seflessly because she’s just trying to save as many people as she can and Himiko is getting in the way of things. However, Himiko is someone who grasps the bigger picture. Himiko addresses the problem directly rather than sweeping it under the rug, there are people who aren’t saved by the hero system. Those people are just as in need of saving as what heroes deem to be innocent people. You can’t claim to save everyone and then ignore the suffering of people you deem as “bad”. Himiko seems like she’s acting selfishly, but then again she’s acting for the sake of people like Jin who died because heroes insisted that his life was less important.

Uraraka is at the same time very perceptive to the suffering of others, and also very oblivious, and it has much more to do with personal hangups than anything else. She doesn’t want to see Himiko as someone similiar to her, because Uraraka is someone so deathly afraid of coming off as selfish. To the point that she treats people with genuine grievances against society as selfish childrens making demands for atttention.

Uraraka is the one who can’t face herself, and therefore the answer she gives Himiko is to the effect of “Shut up and deal with it.” It’s a very personal thing for Uraraka once you realize that Uraraka has also been shutting herself up all this time, pushing herself down, always letting people walk all over. Uraraka is capable of putting herself aside for the sake of others, so as a result she sees people who can’t put themselves aside as selfish.

“I can do it, so why can’t you? Why can’t you be normal?”

I hammer down so hard on this point because there’s a difference between placating and conflict resolution.

Placating comes from a place of “I want the conflict to go away” or “I want the hurt feelings to go away.” Placating is just saying whatever you think the person you’re talking to wants to hear in order to please them. It’s behavior that’s based entirely around avoiding conflict. Uraraka placates, she sweeps it under the rug, she swallows her grievances for the point of everyone happily getting along together.

This placating also applies to the hero system at large. It’s not really designed to save everyone, so much as make the vast majority of people feel safe at the cost of the minority.

When there is a problem does Hero society directly address the issue? Or do they sweep it under the rug for the appearance of everyone getting along?

I think the fact that every time a villain brings up a problem this arc, the heroes just shout “Heros save everyone” and “Heroes never give up” is evidence of the latter. That’s why, when Uraraka says it, when Hawks says it, “Heroes save everyone” just comes off as hollow because in the very same breath they both make it clear that Toga and Twice are not part of the everyone who gets saved.

#himiko toga #uraraka ochako #mha meta #my hero academia meta #my hero academia #mha 288 #mha 288 spoilers #bnha 288 #bnha 288 spoilers #himiko #uraraka #ochaco #ochaco uraraka #toga himiko

1K notes · View notes

thehumanacceptancebattler · 2 years

Text

Iruma character thoughts

This is just my thoughts on Iruma and the things I noticed regarding him, his personality and why he is the perfect demon king candidate.

Warning: This is a long ass post and it contains mild manga spoilers, nothing too major but still. It’s also not the most structured as it’s just my random thoughts but I hope you enjoy.

This has been bouncing around my head for a while but one thing I really find interesting about Iruma’s character is his observation skills. This skill becomes the most obvious when he finds out Crocell Kerori is Kuromu by noticing her hands and how she holds herself. It’s such a small detail to notice but Iruma does this almost constantly throughout the series, he notices the smallest details regarding a person and uses that in some way.

Another time he uses his skills is during the student council arc when Amelia has undergone her cute phase. He notices someone in the crowd acting weird and then proceeds to use his friends' help in tracking him down along with the evidence that he was the culprit. This happened at the same time all the other members were so convinced it was the obvious suspect (Ronove).

Even the latest chapters where Iruma compliments Azz’s fire magic. Iruma says that Azz always lowers the temperature to keep Iruma and Clara safe from the flames, Iruma even notes how difficult this must be. He noticed something that I don’t think many people would have really thought about and even if they did they probably wouldn’t have considered this feat difficult considering it’s azz doing it. Iruma does notice and proceeds to express how thankful he is and it clearly means a lot to Azz not just because Iruma said it but because it’s an acknowledgement of a skill that he has worked so hard for. Most people would have just said “of course you could do that everything you do is great.” and then brushed it off.

You could even possibly tie this into iruma’s rough past. Iruma has worked his whole life and developed his skills through that work. Being observant was most likely a big part of that and was necessary for him to survive. In order to dodge well you would have to see where something is coming from to begin with after all. On top of that I imagine Iruma would want to be praised for all the hard work that he puts in, during his time in the human realm I don’t think that happened often. As a result Iruma has learned to observe his surroundings but to also notice others, especially when they are working hard.

On top of that Iruma is also exceptionally honest to the point where I don’t think there has been a point where he has willingly lied before. He has kept being a human a secret but that’s understandable. This honesty combined with his ability to notice others, it’s no real wonder why everyone who gets close to Iruma inevitably likes him. He is genuine which seems to be a hard thing to find in the demon world. He also takes the time to acknowledge others and what their strengths are, he sees the good in everyone and knows what they excel at.

Demons are said over and over again to be selfish and self centered so having someone give them a rare form of praise would be so appealing to them. On top of that person being so sincere about it and letting them know that they truly mean the praise they are giving them. This is how Iruma makes friends and creates bonds with others. Even Kirio ‘likes’ Iruma, it’s a twisted form of liking but Kirio is a little twisted himself so that would figure.

This also goes to explain Iruma’s behavior during his evil cycle. While Iruma did change a bit during his evil cycle, his personality was still that of Iruma. He just grew more confident and assertive doing whatever he wanted and acting like a bad boy. His skills remained the same, it was just in how he used them that changed. Iruma can see the strength in others and his evil cycle showed that completely. He assigned each of the misfits to tasks that he knew they would be best for and excel at. How did he do this? If I had to guess it was because he noticed their talents and abilities ahead of time and now in his evil cycle he had the confidence needed in order to lead them and use their skills to the fullest.

Normal Iruma couldn’t do this not because he lacked the skills or knowledge to do so, he just needed more confidence and an assertive personality. Irumean was forceful but only because he truly believed that the misfits were exceptional demons that just needed the push to show just how great they were.

Now I will admit that a lot of this is just my assumptions but I do think that Iruma prior to his evil phase cared greatly for his classmates and wanted better for them. His evil cycle just gave him the means to express how much he wanted better for them. After all he never had classmates before this, he was always too busy working. Now he does and while they are overwhelming and a little violent at times, they are still fun and he likes them. That’s enough for his evil cycle to go to the lengths he does.

Everything Iruma does is for the sake of others but it’s also because he never had anything like this. He never had anyone he could call a friend, he never had a fun school experience, he could never just relax and have fun. Now he can and he will make the most of it, his evil cycle is just showing the absolute extreme of his feelings.

All these strengths also show how Iruma really is the perfect demon king candidate and how he will be a great king, a force to be reckoned with. A king who can see the strengths in his subordinates and makes them known. A king who can inspire devotion by simply acknowledging someone’s hard work. A king who wants the best and will strive for the best no matter what the obstacle is. A king of greed and gluttony. Greed because he will also desire the best not just for himself but those he cares about and won’t care about the obstacles in his way. He has the best of friends and they will receive the best treatment no matter what.

Gluttonous because he won’t know when to stop. Iruma cares for the demon world now and much like his friends, he will want the demon world to be at its best. He will want to show everyone how great the demon world is and his greed and gluttony will eventually allow him to do so.

A perfect king to a world full of demons.

That being said I think Iruma still has a long way to go before getting to that point, he is starting to become more confident but he still lacks a few more things such as being more forceful. I think it would also be good to point out that while these traits will make him a good king, it’s also traits unusual for a demon. Which makes sense. Iruma isn’t a demon but it’s for that reason that he is the perfect candidate. Demons are all about excitement and new interesting things. They are all about disrupting the status quo in the name of fun and entertainment. Why wouldn’t their king be a human? Not just any human either but a human who is both selfless but greedy. A human who shows compassion for others which is strange for demons. Who saves others no matter the risk and acknowledges strength that isn’t his own. A human who can and will eventually embody greed and gluttony.

Iruma is the least demon-like and that is exciting to see as a demon who likes disruption of the norm. It’s his kindness and empathy that will help him become king but it also sets him apart and makes him very undemon-like. Which is exactly what the demon world needs right now.

Okay so this went on longer than I expected and I hope this makes sense honestly. I could go on for days about this series but I will cut it here for now. A lot of this was my assumption so feel free to disagree with this if you like. I am cool with it, I just like talking about this series honestly. Also feel free to ask me anything about welcome to demon school. I am up to date with the manga and I have more thoughts locked and loaded so try me!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! See ya later.

#this was a long post #I had a lot of thoughts to get down #I don't even know if I am right or if I make sense but whatever #I just thought I would say it #iruma #suzuki iruma #mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #I have so many thoughts #I love this series more than I should #first real post on this blog whooo

19 notes · View notes