#it might have even just been my city

[cobaltfluff]

so i started playing persona 4

where are the QoL features

#persona series #art tag #ACK I FORGOR TO COLOUR THE BITS BEHIND HAIR nvm #i have no idea how to tag this!! #i fear what original p3 might have been like #i feel like a fake gamer man #like how did you guys do that #i feel like i would have given up if it was the first one i played #i am too stupid!! #im glad i have played through 5 and 3re #i am somewhat used to the flow of the game and the ability names #otherwise i would be STRUGGLING for my LIFE i tell you #like to be fair i dont think it's a huge world #BUT LIKE PLEASE IM LOST IN MY OWN HOUSE #also these protags are basically my OCs at this point #i borrow their canon personalities #and reshape them into something i like more hehehehe #edit: im crying im getting lowkey flamed on tweeter dot com #i just meant it as in joker spent a lot of time in tokyo!! one year changes a man!! #I KNOW inaba is small!! but QoL additions are always good!! #i get the appeal!! that you use your brain!! #you spend enough time to know the place!! but it's called QoL features not NECESSARY features!! #im cryin the boys ate just bantering #you can even read it as yu being like LOL you're a city boy now huh?? hahaha #now i really am fighting for my life and mental

[notbecauseofvictories]

in terms of my other hobbies, I feel like every warm sunny afternoon finds me with my forehead pressed up against my back window, muttering ".......planting time? time for plants? plant?????" to myself as I stare at my empty tomato cages.

#you know. like a weirdo. #that said I did manage to successfully propagate my pothos plant! I've got weird glass-like roots sprouting #so thanks to the folks who suggested that; it's been satisfying. #(well. frustrating. but now satisfying that I have some evidence I might succeed!) #a couple weeks ago my mother and a friend of hers stopped by my apartment after their day in the city #and her friend called me a ''renaissance woman'' #and it was a bit of a surprise but also....yeah. actually yes. renaissance woman. #I do lots of interesting things; even if they're just interesting to me. #celestial emporium of benevolent knowledge

[leomonae]

Okay but... how much blood does a D&D vampire need every day, simply "once a day" is not greatly helpful in and of itself! Am I looking at, like... a city of 50k people to support 5k vampires sustainably where they only need a very small amount, or one of 500k going off real world blood donation amounts, or like 5 million if it's an entire person's worth of blood daily ffs, did anyone actually think through the logistics of this when they put it in the game?

I'm not actually convinced the Underdark has that many people living in it, if it's the latter. I'm not even convinced the entirety of the Sword Coast does! How the hells was Cazador feeding all these vampires enough to keep them alive for so long in the centuries leading up to the Rite?!

#baldur's gate 3 #hyperfixation ahoy #vampire spawn #cazador szarr #where are your livestock fields Cazador #where are your giant herds of cows stretching from horizon to horizon #did you make a pact with a devil for this too #have you been feeding them lemures diverted from the hells #because I'm fairly damn sure you have not been keeping them on even starvation rations from a city with like 100k people in it #we shall not all die verse #i just like my Tav did not put any thought into this whatsoever before blithely sending all those spawn off to a totally unsuitable location #and now i *unlike* my tav who is a lucky fictional character have to come up with some solution to this mess #i hope you like fish vampires #you might be eating a lot of fish blood soon

[rithmeres]

genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages #i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3 #might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now. #unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year #just enough for today. #lately when i've been praying it just looks like #please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL #things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart #i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything #all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food. #in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared #just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself #i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try #but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH. #please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it. #talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things. #i just wish i had someone to sit next to me. #personal #i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️

#maybe maybe one day i'll be ok?? #maybe i'll manage to get my high school diploma #maybe i'll get a student housing apartment in another city. maybe i can study to become a pre school teacher... #(not my dream job but the only job that seems possible for me) #maybe i'll be able to work on my anxiety and avpd and become more calm #maybe i'll be able to exercise the way i want nd become physically strong #maybe i'll be brave enough to try apps to make girl friends i can hang out with??? #maybe i'll get back into writing nd posting it. maybe i'llhave more fun w insta and taking photos again?? #maybe i'll fix my relationship w my sisters nd talk to them again?? #maybe if im lucky i'll meet someone who i fall in love w who falls for me too? maybe someone will one day choose to be with me?? #maybe i can get a real apartment nd have a job? maybe i can even live w a partner one day? and maybe i'll have friends? #maybe i wont be all alone forever?? maybe i wont feel this alienated nd isolated for my entire life?? #maybe maybe maybe my life can be alright....? can it really be? #i dont have much hope. but maybe??? plz plz plz let it be so let it be so #and maybe for now.. as im lower than i've ever been before.. #maybe i just need to be able to eat more normally again. then i can have my coffe chocolate moments w youtube #and i can watch kdramas nd have dinner. which are two moments that make me feel ok nd calm #<<< i feel ashamed abt it but comforting eating is a thing for me. im gnna be alone 4ever anyway so might aswell just accept thats how i am #so yeah maybe maybe i'll start feel a bit better when i can disconnect from everything nd just get immersed in a kdrama nd have dinner lmao #idk. i just dont feel like i'll ever have a real life. i'll never have what i dream abt (which isnt even much. just love.. just love lmao) #so then i can daydream nd live by reading books nd watching kdramas nd tv shows nd also write a lot #but ofc in my freetime bc i need a job w a stable income nd my own apartment. even if i dont love my job i need one that i can be ok with

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got another colestyramin update.

so I've been taking the chewable tablets for a while, but I feel like maybe they don't work quite as well? either way, I don't like them that much - they're convenient for when I'm not at home, but they're still really annoying (and gross and it takes me forever to chew them)

I found a different version of the powder that comes in a big jar instead of individual packets. I asked my GP if I could try that (she was really weird about me taking this medication at all - asked if I want to take it forever and about how fast I eat and all that. which we already went over several times. and which... kind of... won't fix the issue which is caused by my non-existent gallbladder?! I could not possibly eat any slower, and changing what I eat didn't help at all. I guess I could just stop eating altogether, that would certainly fix this one issue :))) ).

anyway. she prescribed it to me, and I just had my first dose. oh my god it is so fucking bad. it's much more disgusting than the one in the packets, and the texture is horrible. there's two versions of this, one with more sugar and one with more of something else (can't remember the name). I asked for the one with more sugar, she prescribed the other one (and I noticed too late). maybe that's why it's so incredibly disgusting?

but. what's way worse than that. is that it.. had the absolute opposite effect of what it's supposed to do 🙃 tmi, but, it instantly gave me very bad diarrhea (which happens when I don't have this medication and eat for the first time in the day, and after most other meals too). that.. did not happen with the other ones. to be clear - I didn't eat anything yet. soo. I'm not sure what to do now. I guess I'll keep taking it for a few days, and if it doesn't get better I might ask if I can get the other version? but I don't know if she'll do that. so far she's always said I have to use up the previous medication first 🙃

what I really, realllly want. is the one that is just regular pills that you swallow. I don't care that they're apparently huge. I hate the texture of every version I've tried so far (the taste is horrible too, yeah, but the way it feels is the real issue). but that is apparently not officially approved for bile acid stuff in Germany, and I don't think my GP will try to help me get it.

she recommended I see a gastroenterologist (only because she thinks I shouldn't be on this medication long term), I just have to make an appointment. it'll probably be months until I get one, though.

ugh this is so frustrating! if I get the other version of this medication, I think I'll have tried all the ones that are available here.

my GP has zero interest in helping me figure this out. she said that it's bad if I keep taking this medication because it makes it so some vitamins can't be absorbed (as if having constant diarrhea after eating anything is better somehow?!), and when I asked if it would make sense to do a blood test to see if I have any deficiencies, she just asked if I had lost weight, I said not really, maybe a few kgs, and she said I should look into which ones can't be absorbed and that was that. cool. I get that she doesn't have time to look into everything for every one of her patients, but, I've been the one who informed her about everything related to this so far, and she won't even do a fucking blood test?!

I feel completely alone with this and I do not have the time or energy to figure this out right now!! I need to finish my thesis somehow, how am I supposed to research this at the same time?! and how am I supposed to do ANYTHING if I have to spend hours every day in the bathroom again, and be in pain the rest of the day?!

#the rest of that is very tmi so.. 🤷 #damn I got used to it being much better so this feels really.... shocking or something. I forgot how bad it got. #also. I guess I should maybe have talked to a gastroenterologist already? that would probably have been a good idea #but no one ever mentioned it and I genuinely just. don't know anything about how these things work #I thought that if my GP never mentioned it once I didn't need it (and that they wouldn't give me an appointment anyway) #plus. there aren't any close to me. so I'll have to drive to a city and that's very difficult for me. so even if I thought I should do it. #it would have been very hard to even get there. it's better now with my anxiety meds so I might be able to handle it on my own #maybe. #personal #colestyramine posts

[malscare]

I don't wanna sound preachy but you could still totally do tattooing. It's supposed to be a clean environment. If youre overly cautious because of covid, it'll actually read as such a positive as a customer. That's just my 2 cents tho. I know tattooing is a lot of work.

that's true!!! you're definitely right about that but it just feels weird to be like so close to somebody for a huge chunk of time

#i know apprenticeships are also very hit and miss depending who you train under #and like ik they're worthwhile but they also cost a lot if they even decide to take you on #plus My Issue is like i live in an area where shops are straight up banned within city limits #and theyve been trying to get that corrected for years but its been consistently rejected #and so it comes down to shops i have experience with and would enjoy working under but arent accepting apprentices vs shops i dont know #who Might Hire Me #i don't think its like a completely dead dream i think i just need to be in a more financially stable place to take it on

[famewolf]

the instant relief I felt when the mechanic called to let me know he found the oil leak culprit and that it was only going to be $300 to fix ... dont even care that i have to leave my car there until tomorrow!! now I can actually relax and enjoy my weekend

#[static] #been keyed up about it for weeks but it sounds like its just a small part that needs replacing instead of the whole big thing we thought- #-it was at first .... and like $1500 cheaper than I thought it was gonna be #i really like the mechanic i go to he's very thorough and honest and im lucky hes just in town #dont have to drive to the city or anything!! #he said hed keep an eye on the part i thought it was since its a common leaking area for the 2010 prius but hes 100% confident it shouldnt- #-leak anymore or cause there to be oil on the part we suspected it was in the first place #gonna take an edible and watch supernatural lmao #might play me3 tonight? but i just need to turn my brain off for now and relax #i was literally watching old pre-recorded spongebob episodes with the 2001 ads and all to get myself to chill out before they called lol #but i feel sooooo much better now i dont even care that idk when im gonna pick my car up tomorrow lmao

[lucky-draws]

9.6.23

#life drawings from last week #i feel i could have done better but the session itself was fun and i enjoyed doing them #im a bit rusty since i haven't done anything like that for ages and i kind of defaulted to focusing on accuracy i guess #rather than making a conscious effort to be looser/more dynamic idl #idk #like i rly liked one guy's pieces bc he was very bold like a lot of straight lines filling the page thick black charcoal + colours #and the guy next to me had a a squiggly style which was cool .even if he didn't seem to think so lol he wasa bit self deprecating abt it #and i was like noo noo i love the scribbles ..💔 #so anyway looking at theirs made me wish id been a bit looser/bolder etc but i think since i hadnt done it in a while it was fine to just #do what im comfortable with quite precise figurative stuff #and tbh i do like these idk #im mad my local gallery stopped doing life drawing but oh well at least ive found an alternative #cant go every week bc its in city like an hour from me + ya know its a bit of an expense + i might be working on some of the days #but hopefully ill go again once or twice at least #original art #tumblr better not flag these looool

[immortalsins]

moved into my new house on the 1st and we won’t have wifi until september ... i’m on campus rn for a teams meeting (24 hour library loml) and i might have to come back again tfor no reason other than to browse lmao i’ve really missed it. worrying

#and i'm fast running out of data #only reason i'm still in this city is for internship work but i haven't got news #so i might just go back to somerset and email my tutor saying sorry i have to do it remotely #since u didnt give me any information :/ #anyway. my house has been a trip so far #imagine moving into your first uni house with your mates and not being able to blog about it sjhdbcjsd i've suffered #they(tumblr) don't know .... they don't know about the pinned up condom in the kitchen ........left from the previous tenants #they have no idea about my flatmate waking me up at 4am after locking himself out and me setting off the fire alarm and another flatmates #parents getting locked in her room when the lock broke off #the evil cat we are at war with etc etc ... #so much is happening and now i have to sit through a 2.5 hour meeting #:(( #btw i can't even edit at home because i use vapoursynth #and u need internet for it #no way am i making anything without vapoursynth that's not happening #meeting starts in 5 minutes sjhdbcjshbd this has been microblogging from the uni library

[robustcornhusk]

uncharitable: it sorta weirds me out how many friends from University never left University City, (and some moved away but went back)

like, it is a whole-ass city, it doesn't revolve around the university, it does other things. but it's weird!

i could've had many lives but i don't think any of them would've been there

#perhaps i'm just fucked up from my time there #i haven't been back in eight years and possibly i never will again #there's a reason i might go ever but tbh it has nothing to do with anyone even living there #(nor does it have anything to do with the city itself) #perhaps what makes me different is that i'm just not a very social person #or rather i don't need very much depth and variety in human contact

[biteapple]

I've been meaning to make a bunch of phonecalls for months and i got them all done yesterday @__@

#turns out the eiss I THOUGHT I went to when I was 18 turns out to have been a different one entirely #I got the name swapped with the hospital I was born in which is in the same city which is why it sounded familiar #Which is a good thing because the place I was calling to ask for my records just kept saying ''lemme direct you to records -_-'' #And forwarded me to a number that never answered my call and never attempted to reach out #Which like. Even if I wasn't in the records they probs shoulda attempted to return the call after a few months of trying right ... #I don't think they even knew if I wasn't in there or not lol... I never spoke to a person in their department #BUT the place I DID go to immediately was like ''yah click this link and fill it out and we'll get back in 5 days..! Bye'' #So that's another thing down! I think that's actually almost everything. I think there's one more place I need to check out for records now #But I've been trying and they got bought out by a different company soooo... might be tricky #I'll try when I get home from work. I've been trying since early August last year ... they're a tricky one... I'll get them yet

[i-am-become-a-name]

What's your interpretation of the weird/annoyed look Five gets on his face when Tegan announces that she wants to rejoin the TARDIS at the end of Arc of Infinity? I know it was probably meant to be played for laughs, but it annoys me every time i watch that episode and i'm curious what headcanons people have about it.

My favourite thing I've read about it pointed out that the cybermen specifically used Tegan as a weakness against five, that she's what it took to manipulate him (and through no fault of either of them, Adric's death was part of those consequences.) The novelisation really goes in to the descriptions of the doctor transfixed with the blood running down Tegan's chin from her bitten lip, the building tension as the cybermen get closer and closer to killing her and he's shaking trying to hold himself back from admitting his hearts are so easy to twist, just by threatening his friends. (Does Nyssa ever leave the TARDIS when it's on the spaceship? The cybermen don't even know she exists til they come onboard do they?)

As for why he looks so annoyed? hmmm. Does anyone want someone around that constantly needles them? Really, I think pre Arc of Infinity that even though Tegan had chosen to stay, they still had that power imbalance or even just tension between them that she had not come on board willingly. So five is expecting that to be the continuing, I don't know, continuing manner between them and it hadn't been good. It had its moments (mainly in the audios) but as an arrangement it was not ideal as friends to explore the universe together, all that terrible beauty and awesome monsters.

But it doesn't continue on in that manner - oh they bicker and make faces at each other, sure, but Tegan's conscious decision to step back onto the TARDIS irons out those imbalances, removes that bitterness and the past of her aunt's death. So when he makes that wee face, it's in expectation of the previous status quo. And never let it be said that Tegan's one to do exactly what's expected of her.

Anyway I really hope this makes sense and I may add some more thoughts later but it's 1:50 am Christmas Eve and I couldn't sleep for thinking about this.

----

It's 2am I'm back. I feel like there's also this uneasiness in five about tegan, that mirror that no one likes being held up to themselves. Their similarities but the starkly different ways they express them must be exhausting to five. and here she is back again. To push and prod and challenge and be brashly beautifully glorious. wait. that last bit was the two am shipper coming out. Anyway they draw strength and resolve and anger from each other and Tegan was vital to five, from his first moments till his very last.

#again sorry if it's not coherent but it's been a WEEK. and it's still going. #look away if you're not interested because whatever it's my boring life stuff but. worked sunday and tuesday. thursday my boss texted me #did i want to go up to the next largest city flights and accomodation paid and worked for two weeks at their branch of our shop. #(i said no thank you but holy sht.) and that whole day we'd been taking the house apart looking for dads santa outfit for reading #night before christmas to the kids. utterly gone. nowhere to be found. sister said she had one so we were like oof we can relax it's fine. #sister did not in fact have one. so we took the house apart again. still not here. friday i went out and bought the fabric and fur to Make #one (six straight hours work on the jacket alone) and the kids come up to decorate their trees. #oh! and! when i went in to work to buy the fur (i can only purchase stuff of managers it's store policy) she was like. you can't leave the #shop. stay here. and i went no???? have i done something wrong??? but another manager came down and the managers had put together little #Christmas gift bags for everyone which is so sweet because i still feel like I'm there on sufferance even though it's been like 4 months. #but then. seven o'clock or so when i was still cutting up panne velvet i get an email from the boss who offered me the chch opportunity - #he's now quitting his position at our store. two weeks notice. so I'm stressed about that because we had a good thing going where he'd text #me once a week. we'd arrange extra shifts and that was it. what if the new store manager sucks or hates me or something?? #and I've got like five half finished advent fics but i just. don't have the spoons between work tired and c19 brain fog and christmas tired #anyway none of this is about five and Tegan I'm so sorry i just need about ten more weighted blankets on me. #five #tegan #an ask a palpable ask #srsly i love being asked about them or any dw opinions you are so wonderful in my eyes #tbh the advent fics are getting to the point i might just post them all the way through January and when i write little ficlets. people #seem vaguely to be enjoying them but trying to do a December thing was a bit much. #I've just realised this week was even longer. last Saturday we spent the whole day out of town with the kids. and Tuesday we went out of #town to do the stuff we'd planned to do before we had to babysit them on our planned trip day. jfc no wonder I can't brain straight

[northwestofinsanity]

Heads up that if there’s WiFi in the service department lobby I’ll be camping in tomorrow, I’m probably going to spam reblog at some point while I wait to find out whatever the hell’s got my car acting weird all of a sudden. (If not, shameless fanfic writer time…)

#delete later #Insanitypost #pardon my insanity #it’s either spark plugs or transmission #the latter of which could be minor or catastrophic #i can still go in reverse just fine and don’t have any lights on or burning smells #so if it is transmission maybe it’s something small and easy? #acceleration just suddenly got WAY harder than it should be (more so at higher speeds -I barely notice it in the city) #so I’m taking a LONG slow ride out on the back roads to avoid cranking it on the highway #lest I put strain on it and do damage that would be harder to fix #99% certain I’m gonna cry even if it’s not bad though #It’s been a really stressful week driving *really* delicately to orientation and fearing it might break down before I get there tomorrow #and I’m gonna be sweating bullets the whole way until I pull up in that lot

[july-19th-club]

hughie is the swagless guy whose whimsy is so captivating. like mm has whimsy too whimsy in SPADES but he is not swagless he is bursting with swag. and whimsy. and hand sanitizer. hughie is a silly little noodle man and even when he goes through ‘i’ve killed a man and i have to have a moral crisis about it’ arcs or annoying ‘i’ll protect you! i’ve developed sudden onset toxic masculinity from hanging out with billy butcher too much and now i am afraid to be just a regular guy in case my superhuman girlfriend needs help, or stops liking me for not being like her’ arcs it doesn’t last. within five or six episodes he’ll have a little realization while watching some cheesy music video and he’ll be like ‘oh right....one life saved might not cancel out a life taken, but it’ll sure help you sleep at night’ or ‘oh! right! my swagless whimsy is what my girlfriend likes about me! and what i like about her is her principles, and her friendly charm, and her ability to lift me like a barbell and do squats! and trying to change our dynamic makes it worse, and not better . we’re doing fine just the way we are :)’ and then he’ll get some support move in the big finale and that’ll be his contribution, to like hold the binoculars or something <3

#his s3 arc was annoying sometimes but it ultimately didnt bother me bc like...you know he's going to learn an important lesson from this #and walk away going 'oh yeah! she thinks my morals and ordinary charm are what's important not my ability to teleport' #and what happened? exactly that. he's predictable in a very fun way #he's always going through or dispensing these little character-building arcs like #'in a team it's important to look out for each other :)' 'honesty is the best policy! unless it will get you killed then lie if you want to #'it's important to respect each other's choices' #'lend a helping hand whenever you can - especially if it keeps you from losing your humanity to an increasingly futile quest for revenge' #but he always comes back to hughie baseline: quirked up white boy #the boys #actually they are All like that #butcher and kimiko are like the only two who really belong in this genre and even then they have their oddities #butcher thinks every day is talk like spike day . kimi's on some helena-from-orphan-black shit where she uses her mercenary pay #to buy a set of brass knuckles that say BOSSY on them and she could've been teaching her sign from the start she just didn't feel like it #frenchie is the roguish deuteragonist of a heist movie (the one that might or might not die in the fourth act to up the stakes) #MM is the fastidious dad in a family sitcom opposite a humorously-much-more-spontaneous family who drive him up the wall #and hughie? also in a sitcom but it's a workplace comedy and he's the hapless male lead who does get the most romantic arcs #and starlight? she's just a smalltown girl trying to chase her dreams in the big city lmao and i love #every time she swears she does it with the excitement and overdetermination of someone who started swearing three months ago

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

ive been having a week

#i thought to myself hmmm which ones would i even want printed #(i could paint something in real life. but like. that one black n white one turned out rly pretty tbh id buy that at a con if it wasnt mine #so i did research and unfortunately if i printed it it would be One Inch Big #😭😭😭 #and i dont have nice paper even. or a good printer. or the self confidence to make a print shop print it for me #but whatever <333 i might just do it lol #if no one else will make wizard city prints for me then by golly i will just make my own i guess. #(i found a bmo and y5 print once online im ouuwuwuwu about it i still have it bookmarked for later. love buying art prints when i have $) #and wallpapers. ive been stuck (affectionate) with the wc end credits art for months it makes me so happy. #but spader is not in it. because he is dead. and theres NO OTHER WC ART ONLINE that i can steal for wallpapery #(there IS SOME. just none that ping my wallpapery senses. also none!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with spader in them. does no one love him.) #makes my own destiny #sorry im done talking. howhurghaogfjaghjvcnm. having a week. #not art