#it reminds me how horrible I was

[opikiquu]

#★ my art #art #honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #hsr dr ratio #ratiorine #aventio #but i just like them being happy #Please. #i was talking abt how cute aventurine being suuper small is #and my friend went ‘ya know its probably cuz he had a horrible childhood and didnt eat well and was probably malnourished’ #See and this is why i hate aventurine fans #EVERYTIME I TALK ABT SOMETHING HAPPY ITS EVERYTIME #PLEEEEASE DO YALL THRIVE OFF OF SADNESS #(also an aventurine fan who brings up his backstory every 5 seconds) #anyways besides that #aven reminds me of a cat #and no i wont elaborate #you just get it

[girlyaois]

I honest to God think a lot of the moral fears surrounding whether you think about your f/os enough or if you comfort your f/os enough in your mind or if YOU do enough FOR your f/os can... really and truly be answered simply by being reminded that they aren't real. you do not morally owe any of your f/os your time, effort, or emotional availability. because they aren't real, and you are. and it's OKAY to say this. it will never be immoral to acknowledge we daydream and draw fanart for ourselves and our joy because we're real people, they're not, they don't need anything from you. don't exert yourself worrying about people who don't exist.

#selfship #self ship #selfshipping #self shipping #txt #i keep seeing posts reassuring people that they arent bad for not thinking about their f/os often. but all for the wrong reasons #“they still love you even if youre too busy!” the right thing to say is that they arent real and you dont owe fiction anything. #i know its not the same but as someone with ocd it genuinely is starting to remind me of all the “ocd reassurance” posts. that are horrible #(the ocd reassurance posts just playing into the cycle by explaining why we arent bad people. therefore feeding compulsions.) #say it how it is. its not worth worrying about.

[onaperduamedee]

Heartbroken reminder that Egwene is 17 when she gets taken by the Seanchan, spends two months in captivity being tortured, used as a weapon and dehumanized. When she gets back to the Tower, she immediately passes a test that's not at all traumatic, nearly gets killed by a Grey Man and is sent on a secret mission to hunt murderers completely unsupervised. During this period of wandering, lacking direction, she naturally gets angrier and erratic, but Nyn and Elayne mostly treat it as childish rebellion against Nyn's authority, with Elayne slapping Egwene because she was mean to Nyn. When the girls eventually get captured because they are not equipped at all to hunt the Black Ajah, Egwene becomes so terrified of being taken again that she keeps on resisting the sisters long past it is sensible, earning a brutal beating from the sisters who throw her back into a cell, beaten to a pulp, with no hope for help this time.

Clearly, Egwene has no PTSD whatsoever.

#egwene al'vere #The wheel of time #Wot book spoilers #The Great Hunt #The Dragon Reborn #Remblai #wot book journey #I think about it all the time #About how early in the books she gets to experience something so horribly traumatic and to receive little support afterwards #None from the Tower #None from her mentors #And little from her friends because they have their own stuff going #And even if the books don't give as much room to Egwene's trauma as Rand's it's always here #Her prime reaction to someone trying to subdue her will be extremely violent #She would rather die than let that happen again #It's beyond me how she managed to rebuild herself after this and mostly on her own #The Wise Ones helped tremendously here #Because she had a strict routine #She was far away from everything and everyone that could remind her of what happened #Being a Dreamwalker has also little to do with the OP so it allowed her to regain control without interacting with the OP #I love her arc from very early on tbh #It's not about Egwene being unbreakable #It's about Egwene living with a pain that could destroy her #That's something she shares with Rand as well

[inksandpensblog]

List of reasons I’ve collected for what could’ve motivated Chosen’s refusal to talk when Victim began questioning him about the animator:

Didn’t talk because he legit doesn’t have an answer

Didn’t talk because he just wants to stay out of anything involving noogai

Didn’t talk because he won’t cooperate with the guy who just beat him into submission, regardless of how he feels toward Alan

Didn’t talk because for all he knows Victim wants to be buddies with noogai and he wouldn’t be too keen on that after Victim had just retraumatized him in a way that would remind him of his enslavement so much

Didn’t talk because he’s buried the hatchet with Alan

Didn’t talk because he wants to protect Orange or the whole color gang, and that means protecting Alan by proxy

Didn’t talk because he wants to protect Rocket from noogai

Didn’t talk because he shut his eyes for the whole interrogation and wouldn’t even look at the paper

… It’s amazing how many differing interpretations can be gleaned from an interaction that’s basically just “look at this picture” “no”

#animator vs animation #ava6 #ava the box #I feel like I’m forgetting one I’ll edit it in later if I remember #the TvTropes pages for this show are horribly slanted and reading them infuriates me but #one of them mentioned that maybe Victim retraumatized Chosen in the hopes that #reminding him so negatively of his enslavement would encourage him to give noogai away #and…I do see the logic there. but it obviously backfired it backfired so hard XD #yeah give the guy who just hurt him MORE INFO on how to hurt him? no way

[weather-cluddy]

I know we're too early into Milgram's "so are the prisoners dead or not?" plotline for this, but since it looks like they're doing death-themed illustration for the fourth anniversary, you know what would be really cool?

The Milgram version of this Kagerou Project image:

Slightly spoilery KagePro context:

In KagePro all the main characters died and came back to life. The X-rays show the cause of death.

#Even the background reminds me of Undercover #I think paralleling the Undercover shots of them killing Es/their victims is more likely if they decide to pull something like this #But honestly those aren't very pretty. It's all black and red with barely any gradients... Just undetailed silhouettes... #I know that's the idea but still. #This image is so charming yet eerie. Each pose has so much character! And for half of them it's “Teehee look at my horrible wounds” #That's exactly how Yuno and Mahiru would do it tbh. I'd like to say Mikoto too but in official art he always looks confused. Maybe T2 Muu #milgram

[skitskatdacat63]

More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)

- facial hair

+ closeups

I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??

#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION #lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape #i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other #but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh #but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½? #and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post #okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏 #i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out #two people id like to blame: #thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :) #and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando #^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭 #it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off #also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me #its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right???? #anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out #but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork. #i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl #also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly #i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs #<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings #i wanna draw 3 things rn: #nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #catie.art. #fa14 #matador au

[cazssserole]

My discord submission for that first challenge!!! I'm dead

#how obvious is the fact that i did NOT use a reference at all #solarballs #solarballs fanart #solarballs mars #solarballs venus #man I'm trying to design Phobos and Deimos but i straight up keep forgetting about them please send me reminders #ALSO THE SUN #not being able to catch up with real life is my forever horrible trait #solarballs fandom #solar balls #venus x mars #mars x venus #please don't tell anyone in the official discord that they're gay in this image /j #okay but seriously #so many things to do irl ☹️ which is NOT art... mmmuhh

[thirddoctor]

Is there anything I can't conquer?

#BLoSC #Buzz Lightyear of Star Command #Buzz Lightyear #Evil Buzz Lightyear #Evilyear #Ranger creates #I love how horrible he is tbh #anyway remind me to NEVER make a 3x3 gifset again #tumblr keeps messing with the middle gifs #I've tried them at both 177 and 178px #it looks okay now in Chrome but it's still blurry in Firefox I throw up my hands

[scholarofgolb]

one thing low self esteem will do to you is that it will convince you that no one could possibly value their relationship with you or even on a lighter level like. thinking people don't care about anything you say and that your words don't have impact on people. and what that leads to is you being completely unaware when you hurt other peoples feelings and being unable to consider how something you view as innocuous or funny could be hurtful and mean to someone else. like even if you have a hard time understanding that you have value as a person you have to understand that you have a lot of control of the way you effect other people and no one is intrinsically aware of what is going on in your head. you've got to care about other people and think about what's going on for them and yes empathy is hard but empathy can be learned. and sometimes u gotta figure it out and teach it to yourself.

#big thing for me in my late teens was realizing all of this #it was like probably the most valuable thing i took out of adolescence #which i thought because i had social anxiety and was so concerned about other people hating me that i couldn't possibly be low empathy #but i was! and i had to deal with it! #stop asking other people 'are you mad at me' and start asking yourself 'how might they have interpreted that? could that have been hurtful? #and youll realize that it might have been! and thats the most horrible gut wrenching feeling ever #but there's this wonderful thing called apologizing and explaining yourself and reminding people that you love + value them #and if ur me that means sometimes youll apologize for something and ur friend will be like 'i dont even know what ur talking about LOL' #but it also means sometimes your friend will feel welcome to have productive conversations about how you make eachother feel #and thats really what helps form lasting relationships tbh

[maskyartist]

*claps my hands together* if i say theres potential for an au where Clay ends up lost in the tunnels after the cave in, left behind by the Putt Putts as well, so hes either living in the walls of Bergentown or just trapped in the tunnels eventually being found/getting out near the village and just being more animal then Troll...

do yall see my vision or do i gotta go further??? theres drama potential im just saying (more in tags)

#masky says #trolls dreamworks #no i wont stop putting clay into horrible situations its too EASY >:( #if he didnt wanna be bullied he shouldnt have been overshadowed in his own reveal scene and given a surprisingly traumatic backstory- #-that was glossed over WAY too quick (then again trolls is just like that) #idk i like the idea of branch finding his brother and he wants to be angry he wants to be angry SO BADLY #but clay's been in the forest for who knows how long and he looks so rough #it takes time to recognize branch because hes grey and bitter #i feel clay would pop up near his bunker around when branch is like halfway done with it. probably teens by then its livable basically #and now this feral ass Troll is poking his head in stealing food and trying to find safety from rain #like the mental image of them NOT knowing its each other is so funny to me #but theres also clay living IN bergentown just running around trying to stay hidden #his entire life is panic hes paranoid every two minutes hes whipping his head around to make sure hes not being followed #loud noises make him hide sudden touch makes him hide dont hug him at all he's reminded of bergen hands gripping the life outta him #hes been through the WRINGER imma make it worse for funsies :) #i love clay brozone *violently flings him at a wall* see hes so fun :D

[kenanda]

arthur: ok, this argument is getting heated. let's pause and take a minute to breathe and calm down.

john: alright. thank you.

me: awww they're becoming more self aware for the sake of each other, talking things out, that's so nice 🥰

*arthur and john barely 5min later literally beating the shit out of one another and saying horrible things to the other*

me:

NOOOOOOOOOOO

#YOU BITCHES WERE MAKING PROGRESS FOR FUCKS SAKE #to be fair that episode was kinda hazy to me so I'm not actually sure that it was really john saying #all those things to arthur #or if it was the king #but I'm assuming it was indeed john because that's way more tragic than 'oh MY john would never do that' #oh no no no boy HIS john WOULD say those things #because no matter how deeply you care about someone you still have the ability to hurt them #in fact you're probably the most likely one to hurt them the most #because you know their heart #I'm inclined to say john said those things intentionally to hurt arthur bc john himself was hurting #which is insanely fucked up and DELICIOUS #look at how much progress they've made bUT ALSO LOOK AT HOW TWISTED THESE HORRIBLE LITTLE GUYS ARE #i hope no one gets between what these two have going on or else may the good Lord spare their poor soul #malevolent #malevolent podcast #nanda's ramblings #also I'm loving the whole thing with them being stuck under the mountain cos it reminds me of The Nameless City

[lord-squiggletits]

Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.

But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).

And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like

Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?

I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.

Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.

And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly #not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries #will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them' #like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death #surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs #contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position #everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying #esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death #the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally #on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life #and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms #so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did #he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim #also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse #it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help #isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse #and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out #idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated' #sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement #or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement #anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause #rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do #and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death

[derpinette]

that awkward moment when somebody hands you their phone to control the music with & their BPD girlfriend starts frantically texting them

#*looks away & pretends not to see* sorry for bearing witness to such a private moment Uhm good luck with that everyone #this happened to me yesterday in the car with my brother when he took me to the cinema #not shading her i always think of how i will take her side no matter what if ever there is a fight i have to say something about IRL #sorry not trying to make fun of her but she was crytyping too & it was in english it totally reminded me of when i was 15 #at my quasi-e-GF in 2020 only i was a horrible person & she was in love with an anime guy #some of you here saw that... 0_0 some of you here even reblogged her art piece she made of/for me 000_0000

[rhineposting]

saw someone unironically saying "rhinedottir fed nigredo to durin to make nigredo grow better and stronger because durin's stomach is actually nurturing like hummus 😊😊😊" god if you're up there can you revoke this person's rights to speak about rhinedottir, or any morally questionable girlboss for that matter. if you can't accept that a lady had her son swallow her other son whole then just move onto characters who are actually nice instead of rewriting the actually not so good characters to fit your imaginary narrative better.

#rhine rambling tag #rhinedottir #i swear to god no one has it worse than rhinedottir fans we're in the FUCKING TRENCHES #if it's not people claiming rhinedottir is gonna be an eden or black swan or mobius or whatever honkai girl expy #or saying she's a descender because of that one “flower that is not of this world” line WHICH WAS DEBUNKED SINCE 2. FUCKING 3 #its people doing olympics levels of mental gymnastics to convince themselves and everyone else that she's not a horrible person. #SHE IS. THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT #god. reminds me of an ex-friend of mine that was 100% convinced scara was a psychopath who would turn evil and sadistic after 3.3 #and downright saying that the “little doll” story should have been deleted because it didn't fit THEIR interpretation of scara #that was based entirely in wishful thinking and poor misconceptions that have been cleared up PATCHES AGO. #but they just COULDN'T accept that scaramouche wasn't this inherently murderous goth sadistic mommy kinda character #and called ME and MY FRIEND *DELUSIONAL* #last time i spoke to them they said that neuvillette would never cry because he uhh didnt understand his emotions??? WHAT #THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS MAYBE IF YOU WERENT BUSY CRANKING IT TO SCARAMOUCHE IN NURSE LINGERIE YOU'D ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THE CHARACTERS **ARE** #aight that was quite the tangent #ok new tag #rhine hating

[rosemirmir]

Thinking about how Asakura had the highest body count, but even then he never got to kill and in some cases even really get to have a good fight the riders he really wanted to. Kitaoka specifically comes to mind for this.

Asakura never really got much of a chance to have an actual battle with Kitaoka that satisfied his needs.

Even if he killed the most riders compared to anyone else in the Rider War, it never mattered to him. Because he never got to add the specific riders he wanted to fight the most to said count.

He got to commit so much carnage, to fight as much as he wanted. Asakura was given a golden opportunity for a person like him when Shiro brought him into the fight. Now he can endlessly battle to his hearts content. Continuing that endless cycle of violence that he craves so much.

But it doesn't matter. Because he didn't get to have what he truly wanted.

And going back to Asakura and Kitaoka: He felt so dissatisfied, and angry, when realizing that he killed Goro instead of Kitaoka. Realizing that he was already dead, and that his chance to fight him and have that fight where his needs and urges are satisfied has long since passed.

So he snaps.

Being pissed off and not feeling satisfied enough, realizing getting what he wanted is impossible now, and then just rushing towards what is certain death for him in one last ditch effort to cause more carnage is a death that suits him from a thematic standpoint.

Asakura lived as a man who was always angry and never satisfied, endlessly craving to create more violence and destruction. It only makes sense he dies the same way too.

#once again i am making meta about my horrible snake man and thinking about the themes in this show #I have another meta i wanna make about how asakura reminds me of the endless cycle that the ouroboros symbolizes #and other things related to the ourboros symbolism and the etymology of the word #but im gonna save that for an entirely different post of its own #kamen rider ryuki #kamen rider ryuki spoilers #ryuki spoilers #asakura takeshi #linky posts

[deus-ex-mona]

↑ the face of someone who had to see nozawa’s accursed mug for more than 10 seconds in a single day

#and now im gonna take another half a year to get to the next chapter of idol sengen bc of mr tictactoe forhead #(half joking about this btw fr though idk when im gonna find more time to tl idol sengen bc my work and sleep schedules are horrible) #tw in advance bc!!! he!!!! is!!! gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a major creep!!!!!!! #how many tws does this man n e e d i think we should deploy minami on him asap #remind me to slap on the tws for this man at the start of the next chapter bc m y go d.