#it took me 3 hours to get ready

[moeblob]

So I read that his idle animation has him blushing and I'm like "oh okay time to make him blush" then googled "girl with a big weapon" or something and was like "YEAH ANIME POSES NEVER DISAPPOINT" and that's how this happened.

Bye.

#honkai star rail #gepard landau #fuuuuuck dude this took me 4.5 hours to detail the case and then color everything #and then the lines for him personally was like over 3 hours yesterday #im so ready to be DONE jfc i dont even have him as a unit but STILL #dang i had to dedicate so much of my life to draw this stupid thing please appreciate it please get it to 100 notes #im gonna go get food and cry

[poorlydrawndirk]

We're on air.

More precisely, I was on air when I recorded this, but the details are largely irrelevant. Because I don't really feel like covering fuckin' introductory quantum mechanics and telling you exactly how the influence of the Skaian universe, when applied at the quark level and taken alongside the probabilistic effect of quantum behavior, superposes via particle states and results in the formation of what you might refer to as "overlapping timelines". And that's already getting real abecedarian about this shit.

Yeah, sue me. Try boning up on basic physics while you're at it.

So. I'm sure you'd love to hear about how I managed to rig this sick as hell channel-cum-blog up and get it to straddle the space-time continuum like an antediluvian Olympic gymnast doing mad splits over baby's first toy pony, but that ain't the point of this little exercise. Posting what's effectively a vlog is enough of an onanistic venture without adding Skaian Principles For Dummies: Electric Boogaloo to the schedule.

Where was I?

(Rhetorical question. Don't answer, if it needed to be said.)

The name's Dirk.

Strider. Yeah, that Strider.

I'd be more worried about internet safety, but seeing as there are only up to two people alive around here no matter how far you pull my timeline back, and I'm one of 'em, it doesn't exactly compute. Face it, brosephine: you aren't getting to year 24xx post-hilarocaust, and you sure aren't getting past that. Wasn't shat out of a lab yet when you were committing identity theft and scamming doddering old ladies out of their sadsack pensions.

(If you manage to get pizza delivered out here, I'll tip extra.)

Besides, you already knew my name, didn't you?

Maybe your next question's going to be:

"Why are you calling this a vlog when it's obviously just a blog?"

Or maybe,

"Why is your URL poorlydrawndirk when it's totally malapropos?"

Buckle in, kids. Strap yourself into that convertible toddler-safe harness and keep your ass glued tight to all the prime polyester-lined foam, because this ride's about to pull into the station and vehicular standards are some passé 21st century horseshit.

The first thing you have to understand is that even peering upon the brink of these echelons of irony is a skill that you'll never grasp in your life. But that's fine. I'm around. And if it puts your mind at ease,

I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

(There's the tired callback. It's not wrong, but it's tired. Worn out enough for it to be begging you to take it out back behind the shed and put it out of its misery.)

(I'll leave it at that for now, because self-referencing is one thing, but if I get any more meta, I'll have to start narrating in twelve-point Times New Roman.)

Anyway, I'll be breaking it down, just this once. Magnanimous as hell, I know. I could wax poetic and in doing so obfuscate the actual meaning once more from obtuse minds, thereby adding another strata to irony so layered that it's settled past sedimentary and is ready to unearth some fossil formations, but let's be real. That shit would fly over your head so far it'd be trying to dial ground control at Houston.

Here we go.

Vlogs aren't cool; making one ironically is.

Putting in this much effort into making a multiversal vlog makes it cooler, ironically.

Putting in this much effort to make a multiversal vlog when the doomed timelines are all inherently fuckin' doomed, as the name implies, and therefore functionally useless to communicate with, makes it more ironic.

I have Heart powers and am able to achieve my ultimate self through my alpha timeline. Therefore, not only is this pimped-out vlog functionally useless, but I actually don't need it at all.

Which means this wasn't too hard to set up to begin with. Ironic, considering the complex presupposed conditions necessary for bridging that 'verse gap.

And despite framing this as a vlog, this is obviously a blog.

Even though it's just a blog, all these drawings I've made had you convinced that I really thought I was posting a vlog.

And in a way, I'm still making one. It ain't the traditional format, but the almost videographic mannerisms I've been laying on you more than compensate for the fact that the video part of "vlog" doesn't exist.

Except it does, for me.

And because it does, none of these pictures are drawn to begin with. They're all film stills. Screenshots, if you prefer.

Which makes the qualifier of "poorly drawn" untrue.

But it's also almost true, because you can call them poorly drawn by virtue of them not even being drawn. Ride that definition of "poorly" down the one-way rail and you're here, selfie central, population two, me and you.

Of course, that means we have to cover the quandary of truth itself. What constitutes the truth? Titillate that thought for a second.

If I consider the attached files to be selfies, but you consider them to be illustrations, which is it actually?

An analysis of the "truth" means that we have to start delineating how much of this is subjective, tying us in bed with the concept of knowledge. The Socratic take calls for dialectical conversation and inquiry via questioning; therefore, if I just bequeath my knowledge to you on a pretty little metaphorical platter, it won't mean fuckall. So we have to keep digging. Get your pickaxe ready, 'cause we ain't hitting any diamonds of wisdom any time soon.

In fact, maybe that ain't the right direction. Flip it turnways. We gotta climb a li'l higher for what we need.

Maybe we gotta head to the roof.

now. brought cal.

where making this HAPEN.

Haha.

Just fuckin' with you.

Welcome to my blog, dude.

Want water? Imagine I got you a nice, chilled glass.

Let's get this parasocial relationship pumping.

Questions? Concerns? Misguided pseudo-parental queries about whether or not it's safe for your pipsqueak to be exposed to a full dose of radically Stridered bullshit?

Cool.

Make it all three and drop it in the asks, yeah?

#Dirk Strider #Homestuck #Homestuck Fanart #Bro Strider #Ask Blog #(( #No set timeline! primarily dirk but occasionally other splinters. yeah that includes scratch because why not. it sounds funny. #not a kinnie not a fictive! just a guy with a little bit of time and some bad ideas. #please note that it took dirk approximately five hours in the video to get ready. thank you. #yes the intro is one very lengthy quasi-shitpost. I was going to cover sincerity and the socratic dialogues even more #except it was already really long. lol. anyway I don't have 3 hours to write a more detailed explanation of all the layers of irony but #'trust me bro' #this is a regular askblog despite being named like one of the 'badlydrawn' ones. #im not gonna write long ass monologues at everything i just thought it'd be funny here #i'll spice up the actual blog layout later. for now - hope you enjoyed! #Also - runs not daily prob closer to weekly))

[korgk49]

i committed to the bit

#mob psycho #mp100 #mob psycho season 3 #mob psycho 100 #this took me like 3 hours to get ready for and to take photos just for one meme #worth it #me irl

[todayisafridaynight]

belts

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 2 #ryu ga gotoku 3 #yakuza series #yakuza 2 #yakuza 3 #daigo dojima #yoshitaka mine #snap sketches #ok so when i was thinkin of all the stuff i wanted to draw on daigo's y2 look i like. #i was just like 'aw yeah ive always loved studded belts' so i gave him one and i totally forgot mine has one #SOOO #also 'snap i thought you were playing Y7' I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA PLAY IT TOO BUT THEN IT SAID IT WAS DOWNLOADING FOR 4 HOURS #incidentally enough it took me four housr to do these #i think its cause i kept getting distracted but i did kill four hours so HOPEFULLY.... its ready NOW.... #back to the drawin though i certainly could have done these better #but i WAS just tryna kill time so im not gonna beat myself up over it too much #plus i know what to do next time so i'm chillin #ok now im gonna go see if Y7's downloaded and if it is i'll play for like idk an hour #i'm usually sleeping by this time but... i wanna see number one baby girl..... #ok byebye cross our fingers #if not then it'll def be done tomorrow mornin and FINALLY ill get to see Him

[dwarvenchords]

oscar in team torque is what i needed this week. i cannot express that enough

#this week has gone: #worked a show for 3 days straight the shortest of those days being 14 hours #my family friend and her roommate came to stay at my house so i slept on the couch while they took my bed #my mom flew in which is actually a pro but also meant my bed was rescinded from me #the day after my show ended i went furniture shopping to get everything for my new townhouse #woke up at 6am to go pick up the keys for the townhouse #woke up at 7 the following day to get ready for a job interview that got rescheduled for tomorrow but only after i’d got completely ready #woke up at 7 again today to meet handymen at the house #and i wrote an essay last night and completed a major project on sunday night #i am tired :) #they speak #this is me bitching and moaning when my life really is not that hard i am aware

[risingsunresistance]

last final tomorrow, wish me luck o7

#got my financial aid sorted out and i'm ready to party #it's technically not my last final hut i'm opting to not do one of them lmao #i'll leave with a 72% C... it's fine #THIS CLASS IS BS MAN THE BOOK DOESNT EXPLAIN ANYTHING AND SOMETIMES STRAIGHT UP HAS NO INFO #LIKE THE QUIZ WILL ASK ABOUT A SPECIFIC TERM. I KEYWORD SEARCH THE TERM. NO RESULTS #i hate it i'm not taking ur stupid final 0/10 class i only took it for extra hours anyways #ANYWAYS my final tomorrow is scary and i'm not expecting much. i just wanna pass the class #it's the only class i'm at risk of failing ;-; i'm just struggling to do work *fast enough* #my homework is fantastic and i think my project went well. but i keep doing terrible on tests bc i cant work that fast #we're given an hour to do three problems (same length as homework) and im gonna be honest that would take me closer to 3-5 hours... #but the final is two hours so maybe there's some hope for me #chat #gn btw o/ havent been reblogging the goodnight post but whatever i'll get back to that one day #maybe

[doyeons]

i think i need to increase the frequency of my therapy appointments like i'm not doing well rn. to be honest 🫶

#bella.txt #i debate skipping class every day bc i dont feel like i can go and then i go anyways but i spent so long lying in bed debating not going th #i'm on campus all day feeling unkempt and smelly and tired bc i barely took time to get myself ready #and also like. i'm procrastinating assignments to a crazy degree like i did in hs. i have two things due in two hours and i'm not done #ahaha help meeeeeeee get me out of hereeeeeeeeeee <3 #i feel like a loser

[zoekrystall]

Did I ever complain abt that publicly idk anyways I need to get to the big city (2h to and 2h back, not much for the states but sure for me) and next to not wanting to bc cold, they gonna stab bc blood test and my body hates making that easy to locate (dif place but I will never forget the time I got stabbed like three times and still no blood so new appointment had to be made, I have a fear of needles otherwise it would be whatev), and even more risky bc gatherings were recently do I prob hate the most that like. I'm hungry.

I'm hungry and I suck at eating enough so I often go out w not much in my stomach. I survive but it sucks really bad that I can't either buy smth once I arrive to eat on the way back or pack smth to like eat on the journey bc no-one wears a mask and the virus stays rampant so I can't take my mask off until I'm back home. At the inbetween stop I maybe could but I rather won't risk anything. Esp in winter I could bring smth warm to drink w me at least but I rather don't in the crowd I gotta walk through. Least people are when I'm only a few mins away from home and at that point I can always just wait a bit longer.

Tbh I dread going outside and limit it to only shopping and appointments bc even if I could walk here prob somewhere without many people do I rather just stay indoors and try to limit irl reminders of how many people can't be bothered to care bc that just nosedives my mental health. It doesn't help that I still try to nudge my irl friends to care more.

#a wild lux appears #I also feel stuck in am I ablebodied or disabled limbo reg physical. On record I only got vitamin deficiencies #Ik my body is weak but that could be due to things that change if I took more care and the right stuff #Idk idk my state feels like it changes biweekly or smth #I just know I relate to some things #And also that it sucks since it started having to wonder if covid or the usual bc some stuff do I have since forever randomly #Idk idk I just woke up from a few hours nap I need to slowly get ready. Why can't the train strike start today already #(I also know that when I'm already done going to the city where I just sit could I not deal w going to a strike or smth next to anxiety #making me feel like passing out n maybe actually happening. I leave that to the people that can actually handle that) #Anyways need to get ready now hn #I will complain the whole time but I need to go. Hnnnnn #I just need to think abt the refill that I can't get otherwise. And then the next appointment is anyways only in 3-6 months again #Plus I got another one tomorrow morning so today will force me to fix the schedule enough so tomorrow won't suck #Bc otherwise I would just pass out fully now but like that at prob like. 18-19 then. Hn. #Hate the cold bc layers hate the heat bc I could pasd out you can't win w my body #At this point I just use the tags to stall I'm really off now to get ready OTL

[widevibratobitch]

do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol

#kms idk what to do #it's doing research on best surgeons in your country hours while your friends with normal noses are sleeping #anyway it's been a great little vacation and i had a lot of fun but the absolute fucking dread whenever someone is taking a picture #and i cant control how it looks. is ruining all the fun. #i said fuck it once today and then saw that picture my friend took of me and wanted to yeet myself into traffic straight away #the worst thing is im obsessed with big unusual conventionally unattractive noses. i love them. #but mine is not this hot sexy aquiline kind. its just a huge round bulbous fucking potato in the middle of my face #its the kind of nose no one will ever find pretty or hot or even interesting. its just comical. it looks like a fake clown nose. #and while it is indeed very in character of me to have a fucking clown nose attached to my face 24/7 forever #its literally making me wanna wear a paper bag over my head #goddd idk. cause like. what if something goes wrong lol knowing my luck it definitely could #and then uhhhh idk i guess i really would just kms lol #funny thing - didn't even really notice it before uni. like i always knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with my face #but could never put a finger on what it is exactly #and then this uni friend made that one comment about my nose and suddenly everything clicked into place #you're absolutely right queen the fucking nose aka the CENTRAL thing on my face is the main culprit here lol #anyway not a day has gone by since then that i wouldnt look into the mirror and felt awful and pathetic about it <3 #i am ready to go against all of my ideals and just do it. ill have no money left but maybe its worth it. to get a little peace of mind. idk.

[fantabulisticity]

Just screamed so loud in my car that both my ears rang and a spider fell from the ceiling. My throat hurts.

#my pharmacy won't fill my meds AGAIN because some motherfucker decided to make a new policy that requires more instructions or something #i keep not getting my meds when I need them because every time i get a new script sent out (like one I haven't been on before) i hear... #...nothing back from the pharmacy; generally for days; and then when i call them (every 10 or 15 or 30 minutes for several hours) no... #...one picks up the goddamn phone and i have to make time to go in in person and ask the pharmacist when my meds will be ready. #and then they tell me 'oh yeah we HAVE the script from your doctor. we just need MORE INFORMATION and sent them an ELECTRONIC NOTE... #...(reminder that i live in fucking rural idaho so most people use a fucking phone and not 'an electronic note') and haven't heard back... #...from them yet so we're just waiting on that :)' and then i have to smile and thank them bc it isn't their fucking fault the policy is... #...some fucking bullshit and then i have to call my doctor on the phone (and can never reach them directly so i have to get a... #...receptionist to leave them a note that i HOPE they'll see in the next couple of days but sometimes they don't) and since i never have... #...an emergency it's often 2 or more weeks before anyone gets back to me. i usually have to call the pharmacy again. and then they don't... #...always answer and i usually have to go in and ask AGAIN why my meds aren't ready and they go 'oh we're still waiting on your doctor'... #...:) or 'they sent us a message back but it wasn't ENOUGH information and we sent them another ELECTRONIC NOTE that they won't see for... #...days or weeks so we recommend YOU call your doctor even though we're the ones flinging you around like a rag doll and you have 0... #...control over it. and by the way we're going to continue doing this for like a fucking year every time you get a new script. and when... #...your doctor asks you if the new meds are working you're going to have to say 'i have no fucking clue because it took 6 weeks to get... #...my goddamn prescription filled and it takes 3 months for the medication to show signs of working so my pharmacy wasted HALF of that... #...time sending electronic notes instead of filling my motherfucking prescription and i was supposed to be off these meds by summer... #...since they cause intense sunburn and shit and i have an OUTDOOR JOB NOW but my acne is still bad and hasn't gone away enough to stop... #...using the super intense stuff and my face hurts and swells and oozes and i have to wear a wide-brimmed hat and sunscreen EVERY time... #...i go outside because i can get a sunburn in 20 minutes now and i've been having heat rashes from the sun for the first time in my... #...LIFE and i have to fucking monitor myself every time i go outside and it's the warm season and i need a new pair of lighter work... #...pants but they don't sell above a size 18 for women even though men go up to like a size 45 which is like a size 24 or 26 in women's... #...and men's pants don't fit me bc i was blessed with the largest ass in the history of mankind' and i am so. fucking. tired. #of all the bullshit. #i feel miserable. my mom is buying me otc imodium bc i have NO IDEA when my prescription will come available. i just want the cramping... #...to stop. i've been having diarrhea all day every day since sunday. the cramps HURT and they keep me up at night. i haven't been... #...eating much bc there's so much shit moving around and hurting in my gut that i can't feel when i'm hungry and food doesn't soumd great. #so i'm weak and slow and tired and can't go to work and i'm using up all the sick days i was hoping to save up to visit my friend in... #...cyprus this winter. so that probably can't happen. but anyways. my mom came by while i was typing this out and i feel betterish. #personal

[bylertruther]

sometimes i think i want to watch season five with someone when the time comes like a fun lil discord watch party or smth and then i remember that i Literally and Actually am that person tht needs to pause and stand up n walk around going omgogkgogmogmgomgomgomg whenever ANYTHING happens to my blorbitos and im like mmmmmmm ok nvm pass <3

#u guys think im being my regular brand of theatrical but No . i am crazy but i am free etc etc #when el read the letter n got to the part abt the painting? i paused #when the airport scene came on? girl that shit took me like thirty minutes cos i couldnt do it BDBDJDBDBDJDJ THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT N #PURE AGONY.... GOD #and then the heart to hearts? i died n exploded #the fucking . THE CAR TALK??????? I SCREAMED FOR FORTY MINUTES ONLINE BEFORE FINISHING THE SCENE #and then will's confession bro ......... i was crying the whole way thru had to pause n recollect n assess my life #and then . the fucking . the monologue scene . #i turned tht shit off i went n watched some white man on twitch i couldnt do it anymore HDBDJSJAGHSJSJDBDHF #i breeze thru anything tht isnt mike or will related but when it comes to THEM? a two minute scene takes me an hour #I Am Just So Normal About Them Clearly And Obviously #so i could not do a watch party even if i Wanted to bc i need 2 hog the remote or else i die of overstimulation #but anyway. enough expressing my derangedness online i have ten minutes to get ready for class so byeeeeeeeeeee i'll be insane later <3

[space-ace13]

If I'm late to this Ateez concert because of my friend I might actually fight him

#first he was ocer 2 hours late picking me up #and then he and his other friend took another 3 HOURS to get ready #we're just leaving now and we have a drive thats almost 3 hours long #and this concert starts at 7:30 #i dont think I've ever been this upset with him before #ateez

[eekwinn]

So much for anesthesia and painkillers to reset my sleep schedule.

#i cannot lift any of my dogs and 1 fell asleep with me and no one in the house came to check on me in 8 houes #so I'm unable to sleep comfortably or safely and i can't get anyone to wake up and help me #so after 3 hours of sleeping with the light on I'm bsck awake #i took oxycodone at 830 pm to help me get ready to sleep and it did nothing #then the dog showed up #and i am feeling very sad about how no one checked in on me #i also couldn't reach my phone to ASK for help for a chunk of that time either #i constantly check on household members who are sick or had surgery and no one checked on me #personal #yet another thing to work on in therapy - grieving that i am not thought of even in times of pain and need

[sukunas-wife]

Being Sukuna’s Pregnant Wife and being worshipped as a diety because you were able to conceive the four armed hulking cursed child, you must have the blessing of fertility

Having a shrine erected in your name because barren women believed you’d bless them with fertility despite your legacy starting with the child of the curse that torments them all

Telling your hand maids “Don’t bring me my clothes, bring me one of the kings robes.” The hand maids flinching and wanting to protest out of fear of taking the King of Curses robes

The poor naive young hand maid that had grown a crush on the king excitedly rushing if it meant she could enter the private bed chambers,

Scoffing with a malicious smile to your loyal maids when they shook their heads with Sympathy, they learned long before at such a request it would be foolish to go alone, at least 2 or 3 of them would need to go in your name, preferably the ones your husband recognized to be by your side the longest. But you didn’t like this new girl, she was too enthusiastic to work at the palace only to have a complete change in character when she learned she was assigned to work for you

“It’ll serve that poor girl right” you looked away from the door when your loyal hand maids brought out a wooden box with one of Sukuna’s folded Kimono’s they helped you dress your swollen belly accentuated by the belt the kimono tailored to fit your husband left you with extra space and length, it was far more comfortable then the Kimono’s and robes you were, the lingering smell of your husband with comforting as your rubbed your belly hands barely peeking from the massive sleeves

“Let’s go see my husband.” Was all you said as you started your walk, the maids followed close as you made it to the bed chambers, the door was open, you looked in, Sukuna sneering down at the girl laying in a pool of blood, Uraume was making quick work of the mess

Sukuna’s snapped to you and his arm’s opening in an unusual display of affection, you walked around the mess to reach him, he pulled you into his left side, one hand on your waist the other making you face him, bring his right hand up he rested his hand on your stomach “Some of your maids need a lesson on how to speak to their king,” he looked away from your face to your stomach as he started to move his hands in circles “So swollen with my child, it’s no wonder you send your maids to steal my robes.”

You smack his shoulder with a playful smile and he chuckled “Don’t say it like that you make me feel bigger than i am.”

“Now,” he looked up at your face again, “why are you here.”

You tilted your head to the side, “I started contractions this morning, I’ve been in pain all day and I’m barely standing, my new maid wouldn’t stop speaking so highly of my husband accomplishing having a child when I was at my worst pain level getting ready to push out YOUR child that I HAD to carry. Anyhow I came to get you because he is ready to come.”

Sukuna stared down at you confused “How do you know it’s a boy?”

“I’m his mother,” he watched as you placed your hand over his stilling his rubbing of your stomach, “I knew he was a boy from the day your seed took.”

Sukuna smirked “Is that so? Then let’s see this boy.”

🖤❤️❤️❤️🖤❤️❤️❤️🖤❤️❤️❤️🖤❤️❤️❤️🖤

After an hour of fighting the doctor tending to your birth you gave birth to your lively son, born screaming without needing stimulation to cry form the doctor. Your husband couldn’t help but laugh when he saw his child in his full glory, he was a boy indeed.

The help immediately gave you your son and you cooed at him when he took to your breast, your husband taking blankets from the maids and covered your son also covering you in the process as you struggled a bit to pass what came next. Your son a spitting image of his father, your breathy laugh caught Sukuna’s attention as he came back to your bed side stroking your hair and rubbing your stomach the way the help had been doing.

“What amuses you?” He watched his son slowly close his eyes as you coddled him closer.

“I’m the one who had to carry him for so long, and the ingrate took nothing from me.” You smiled and shook your head before looking up at Sukuna.

Soon the doctor left after clearing you of any possible issues and checking your son. “His name?” You looked at Sukuna and he sighed “Yuji”

The look of adoration in your eyes was something Sukuna would’ve wanted to capture forever if he could express the sentiment. However for now he’d settle for memorizing every detail of today. His wife birthing his first heir, the name she had chosen he permitted.

Maybe just maybe this world wasn’t so bad

#sukuna x you #sukuna ryomen #jjk anime #sukuna x reader #daddy sukuna

[gogogodzilla]

day 29, somnophilia

mike schmidt x reader warnings: nsfw 18+, unprotected sex, creampie, free use (kinda), semi-established relationship, neighbor!reader, part 2, part 3 kinktober ☠︎︎ main masterlist ☠︎︎ read on ao3

You and Mike came to a relatively simple agreement. You’d watch Abby while he worked nights and he’d repay you by fucking your brains out. He was hot and good in bed, plus Abby spent most of her time in her room. So, you didn’t mind your arrangement much. 

That was until Mike got so busy you hardly saw him enough to receive your payment.

“You know,” you said as you took a seat at your usual spot on his couch, “you still owe me from last week.” 

He sighed and leaned over you, placing a hand on each side of the back cushion, trapping you. 

He pressed a kiss to your lips, “I know. I’ll make it up to you. Promise.” 

You grinned, “I’ll leave the light on for you.” 

Mike surprised you that night when he came home late that night, and you had curled yourself up in his bed, fast asleep. You awoke with Mike pressing heated kisses along your neck and his hand between your thighs. He pressed his free hand against your mouth, muffling the desperate moans that fled past your lips. 

You’d stay tangled between his sheets until the early morning when you’d sneak back across the street to your own home. Ever since that night, you’d tell him that if you wanted him to wake you up like that. The light was on more often than not. 

When he started working nights, things became slightly more complicated. By the time he got back in the morning, it was time to wake Abby up for school and you had to get ready for the day. That was until you had the day off and an idea struck you. 

You were about to head out the door before you turned to Mike, “Leave the light on for me?” 

His eyebrows furrowed for a split second before the corners of his mouth quirked up. “Yeah, of course,” he nodded and you were out the door, grinning. 

You waited a few hours, performing menial tasks around your home before you decided it was time to put your plan into action. Abby was off to school and Mike was asleep soundly in his bed, headphones placed securely on his ears and nature sounds drifting out of them. You slowly crept further into Mike’s room and began to set up the camcorder at the foot of his bed, flinching at the slightest creak of the tripod. 

You knew Mike wouldn’t wake up, but it was more exciting if you made yourself believe there was a chance. You pressed record and giddiness filled you. You made a show of stripping for the camera. You slowly slid off your sweatpants and underwear in one swoop. 

You picked up the pair of jeans he had on the floor and held them up to the camera, doing your best game show girl impression. You picked up your underwear and tucked them in the front pocket, patting it in before setting them at the foot of his bed. Your shirt was the next to go. You faced the camera as you slowly tugged your shirt over your head, revealing your bare chest underneath. 

You trailed your fingers up your torso and circled your fingers around your nipples, causing them to harden under your touch. You leaned your head back to give him a full view of your chest as you pinched one of your nipples between your fingers, gasping slightly. 

You turned and sauntered to his side of the bed where he was sleeping soundly. You ran your fingers gently over his forehead, brushing his hair out of the way, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

He made your job easier by wearing a black t-shirt and briefs and by always sleeping on his back. You threw the blankets covering his form to the side and kneeled beside the bed. Your hands wandered over his thighs before palming him through his briefs. 

You crawled into bed next to him and your hands drifted past the waistband of his briefs. You stroked him, slowly, before freeing his cock from its confines. You pulled his briefs down and over his balls, just enough for you to access everything freely.

You threw a leg over his thigh and your hand wrapped around his cock once again. He had begun to harden in your grasp but you couldn’t quite get enough friction. You slid down his body and turned so the camera could get a clear view of what you were about to do. 

You held him in your hand and swiped your tongue across the head of his cock. You groaned at the taste of him and enveloped your lips fully around him. You swirled your tongue around the pink-hued tip and Mike’s breath caught slightly but he didn’t stir. 

You steadily bobbed your head, gradually taking more of him with every stroke. One hand stroked what you couldn’t reach while the other gently fondled his balls. You pressed your tongue against the underside of his shaft, and Mike’s cock twitched in your mouth. 

You pulled away and licked your lips when the ache between your thighs became too great. You carefully straddled his lap and ground against his cock, spreading your slick. A soft moan left you as the tip hit your clit just right. 

You brought your hand down to where your bodies met and aligned him with your entrance. The whine that escaped you as you lowered yourself onto him was loud and you slapped a hand over your mouth to muffle it. 

You missed his hands roaming your body as you rode him, but there was something so pleasurable about seeing the minute changes in his demeanor as you used him. You dipped down to press open-mouthed kisses against the column of his neck. You clenched at the thought of covering him with hickeys to find later. You leaned down and explored his chest with your lips and tongue. 

You smiled as small red marks covered his neck and chest. You were confident that they’d blossom into the purple marks you desired once he awoke. You began to rock your hips faster against him as one hand drifted down to circle your clit. You used your free hand to knead your breast, pinching and dragging your fingertip across the bud of your nipple. Your legs were beginning to burn and tremble but the familiar heat pooling in your belly spurred you on. 

You leaned forward, and the new angle had you reaching your peak in no time. You spasmed around him as you continued to jut your hips against him, riding out your high. A satisfied moan escaped you as you felt Mike twitch within you and he filled you with his cum. 

You panted softly as you slid off of him. You kissed his lips softly before fixing his briefs and covering him back up. You stopped the recording and quickly got dressed. You tucked the camcorder and tripod under your arm before leaving Mike’s home. In a few hours, you’d bring him the lunch you made him, tucking the VHS tape inside the paper bag. 

You’d hold the door for him, and walk him out to his car, smiling the entire time. 

“I hope you enjoy your lunch,” you’d mention. He’d grin, a knowing glint in his eyes. You’d leave the light on for him for when he came home.

#mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #fnaf movie #fnaf x reader #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #reader insert #no y/n #i plan on making a part 2 don't worry y'all #mike schmidt x reader smut #josh hutcherson #michael schmidt #michael schmidt x reader

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neighbor!Sukuna x single mom!reader; your ceiling is leaking at 3 in the morning and you don't know what to do so you go ask for help from the man across the hallway(inspired by real life events that were not nearly so charming).

no need to have read the others in the series but can be read as a week or two after the aquarium date.

cw: Sukuna being a menace

Sukuna had always been a light sleeper so when there were knocks on his door at 3am, he was up instantly. The knocks weren't even loud but he found himself annoyed enough to stomp to the door. If he wasn't sleeping, the people below him didn't need to be either.

He yanked his door open, prepared to make whoever it was regret every moment of their existence but it was you, holding your daughter and clearly on the verge of tears.

You seemed contrite when you saw his expression but before you could even start to apologize, he was slipping on his boots and grabbing his key.

"What's wrong," he asked.

"It-it's the ceiling, I woke up and it was leaking water. It's getting everywhere and I don't know what to do and the landlord isn't picking up."

Sukuna rubbed your arm, trying to give you some comfort and you relaxed a little.

"Okay, let me come take a look. I can call the super, he's probably more likely to answer than the landlord." You nodded and he followed you back to your place. Holding his hand out to stop you at the door as he made to go in first.

Sukuna heard the water pouring in before he saw it. He had never been in your apartment before. It was clear that a woman there. There was color everywhere, more blankets than made sense for two people and the walls were covered in photos and artwork. It felt soft, it reminded him of you. And now, it was being ruined by water raining down from the ceiling.

"Why don't you wait in my apartment. You both look like you could use some rest. I'll sort this out," he said, handing over his key. You looked ready to protest but then your daughter started crying.

"Go, I got it."

You looked so relieved and he wiped away a few tears from your daughter's face and pressed a kiss to her forehead which helped bring the tears down to a more tolerable snuffling.

"Thank you so much, I don't even-"

"Don't worry about it. You two just go settle in the guest room and I'll wake you up when it's settled."

You smiled at him and you seemed to hesitate before you went up on your toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

Sukuna couldn't stop himself from grinning as you took your daughter out the door and towards his apartment. He turned around to look at the mess that was your apartment. It looked like a pipe must have burst in the apartment above yours. Annoying, but a quick fix when caught this early. He grabbed his phone, opening it to call the super before a thought came to him that just wouldn't leave.

It would be a shame if you had to terminate your lease because of unsafe conditions, after all you must still have a good six months left on it. He knew you didn't have any family in the area and it would be a lot for a working mom with a kid as young as yours to go apartment hunting all the sudden.

Of course, he did have that guest room. Plenty of space for the three of you and it wouldn't be hard to bring over the stuff you needed while you looked. His apartment was bigger than yours, even though it was just him.

Even if it was a tight fit, his lease was up at the end of the year anyway. You could always get a bigger space, one for your soon to be growing family.

Sukuna pocketed his phone and took a seat at your dining table, away from the water. He figured it would only take another hour before the damage passed the point of no return.

He hoped you and your daughter were resting well in your new home.

#jjk x reader #jjk sukuna #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen