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incarnateirony · 13 days

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That's an interesting feeling. Usually Wrath of Monoceros Caeli came when intense waves of rage were hitting, but the rage has been displaced. I woke up in a chipper mood, playlist found this one, and I dunno man, tastes like liberty now. So does sleeping for 10+ consecutive hours for the first time since beginning this call.

youtube

Guess we can drop Pater Saturnus mode.

[sniffs]

so it should mostly be done, and by that I mean, through today and maybe a ride of momentum but there's nothing more I'm obligated to do, though a few prime messages once located may be saved for posterity and giggles and gas.

So.

Um.

That was a thing that happened.

Hi everybody still here.

...I'd like to think I successfully kept this part of my life pretty quiet and uninvasive until now.

Hiiiiiii you were secretly following a high wizard or some shit my bad guys I try to keep the spoopy to the meta.

I'm actually willing to break down the theory on this but TLDR we are all one mindsoul observing multiple identities that can be traveled with mastered archetypical travel associated to ancestral memory and some other neat tricks, and when someone like her cedes individuality for mimicing shadows, well, that doesn't go great for the one pretending to be an individual while being an identity vampire.

Generally speaking people aren't supposed to be able to travel it like I do but I spent a long time with it. A lot of therapists will tell you to journal or write your problems out, or to build stories, or that stories are jungian. This is fairly literal as it's a method of shadow work. So when she fucked up and stole my shadow writing self idealization block for herself she quite literally nabbed my shadow to wear and call religion. Then plastered Zenthus and others on her altar on other names too without understanding. She never took the journey herself to find herself in the parts so she has a house of externalized playthings.

Half the game is learning to basically surf trends, which is why my uh, potential scale is so high compared to pre-SM generations, or why Claude ends up having value, or the marketing worker placements et al. Then there's essentially musings and inspirations from related astral memory that can be very easy to channel oneself through, and next thing you know, you can literally be up a fandom's ass. Check it out, I'm in the house like CARPET. Anyway that can become anything from action pushes to minor compulsion to real funny thoughts people type, and it moves things, and it moves things, and you can change brainrot flows, essentially. Kinda like me starting my Yugioh spam Jan 23 and gnosis dude I didn't even find till February posts a dragon eye waking up "Yu Gi Oh"--only that and Desires Of Min Yu Gi Oh Is Ra El are his two yugi mentions. Do the math.

Think of it as like, that moment before you think oh my god no thoughts head empty. Like when head empty are you actually there, where have you zoned out to, and are you SURE that fucking toilet bowl thought that inspires 2 months of brainrot wasn't just someone blowing by in the background with their music blasting.

The principle of that is both. When projected outward and disassociated we surrender and even sort of idolize or embody the unknown music blaster, or maybe you recognize his song. Or we can realize, yes, that was my thought, and I own it, and it is mine, because even the man blasting by in the back is part of me, I'm part of this, and I am this and I am all. But DAMN it takes work to really *get there and understand it internally enough for it to work*. Otherwise you're just another dude at church repeating Amen. Hah.

A strong sense of identity, who you are, and what you want to come back to is absolutely necessary to not lose your goddamn mind, whether wearing the trickster hat or knowing how to juggle a few. I work best through Mercurial and Saturnic principles and aspects. We've been in the epic rap battle of history for two deciding the fates in the middle, and 10th house Lloth was one of many. I was just the only one unfortunate enough that she went mad unto being Crackbear.

Anyway if this is matrix why use astrology? Cuz lots of people believe in it, easy to raise; and most people just flat "know" things about how the universe is roughly shaped even if it changes behaviors when we observe it.

Anyway. Like. Occultum Real, and Opposite Matrix. Like my heaven meta charts. That Claude's been shitting out improved versions of with my shit printed in it. Wild.

Anyway, it's not magic. It's a lot of things but it's not some unknown thing. It is somewhat indistinguishable from it, but it's a science, a collective of psychology, math, quantum physics, philosophy, but it's a science. If one were to simpify, it's ff7. Everything is a memory.

The funny thing about this is it means, literally, all religions and pantheons et al are true, and all are false, at the same time. A little bit of, we're all right and we're all wrong, but it's all there in the memory, stories passed from generations drawn from within, men confused with gods and thus become gods, and so on. Like me, trying to beat off a cult with a stick, only for it to transfer to janus getting the cult, but that's fine, you work through that one buddy.

No seriously even during this even when I said no, I'm not a god, I'm a man, like 200 times, I still had dipthong trolls in my inbox going "so you're a god? So you're all gods?" Fuck. THERE IS NO SPOON THERE IS NO GODS THERE IS NO MAN THERE IS ONLY US OR I. OKAY. IF I'M A GOD YOU'RE A GOD, BUT I SAY NAW MAN IO PAN IO PAN I AM A MOTHERFUCKIN MAN, DO WHAT THOU WILT AS A GREAT GOD CAN.

But think of it as literally the Hero's Journey, which is why Hero With 1000 Faces is chock full of alchemy just like psychology is. It's the same bag. The archetypes pave the way. Whether that be Hermes in greek or a Loki in Germanic. Slightly different people, but generally from the trickster archetype, and generally in an associated ancestral vein deep down. But also why like, she confused me with Hermes, Loki, whoever. I mean sure sometimes, if that's the hat I have on, but this whole thing is about her trying to steal my own personal hat, that's the problem. She won't be assed to make her own hat. Then further back you see the evocations to Eros and Romeo Radio, for example, cuz that's wayback in this wayback machine, and so on. Hermanubis and the cat bowl. Whatever. Check it out I'm up her ass like CARPET.

But I can ironically now disassociate from my little pyramids past present and future and let them do as they will to her, and have already done, and it is done. And the only way out of it is the truth, and facing herself, but the longer she runs from it the more impossible that will be.

Anyway, plagiarism bad, but plagiarism is worse when you're stealing someone else's lifetime of shadow works and turning them into new toys and trinkets, without actually working or writing your way through it yourself. Never, ever steal another practitioner's personal works in any form to put on your theater with, or you have surrendered everything of yourself.

She's never inspected leviathan, she thinks he's something Without. How then would she know that Leviathan, Apep and Zenthus are One? She's never inspected Hermes, she thinks he's something without. How unsurprised are we that she gets lost among shades of Tricksters she thinks are without? She's never inspected any of this. Closest she inspected was Athena, and she still insists on putting her in the Without.

She dispossessed herself to my Coyote-faced Aaron as Hermes himself, she dispossessed herself to enshrine the snake of shadow she ripped from an Amentian thinking it was a scarf, and follows it's lead. She still uses the reviving spiral flower from my old works, and plays at saying empty things without understanding. It is the definition of easy to use, when she signed her shit to me and stubbornly sits on my dick while pretending she can't see it. Now almost her whole house is built either to me or by me. Lucifer say, stop playing house with these birds, but thanks for bringing home 8ball chloe sunflower. Spicy messenger bird. Next time, look closer before shoving a bird in a cage.

#Youtube

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pixiemage · 2 years

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At this rate, I'm beginning to think this won't ever get resolved, but I'm going to rant about Twitch support anyway because I feel like my head's about to explode.

So I have a Twitch channel, and for the longest time I've been mildly inconvenienced by the fact that I had to make my username "Pixie_mage" as opposed to "Pixiemage" like I wanted it to be because my first choice was already taken. It's minor, really, so I've never been too upset about it even though I do occasionally check to see if Pixiemage is available so I can change my name.

That is, I did used to check...until about a week and a half ago. I was on Discord and noticed that I had my Twitch account linked, and I was a little baffled when the name attached was Pixiemage, not my actual channel. Not the one I use for streaming. And I was even more confused when I saw that I had a subscription for Jacksepticeye's Twitch attached to it. But then I laughed because - oh my god - I realized I must have made an account ages back for one purpose, stopped using it for a while, forgot I'd made it, and because it was connected to an old email I don't really use anymore I didn't get a popup saying I already had an account when I went to make a new one.

Basically, I was the one standing in the way of having my preferred username the whole damn time.

I could stop there, because that's a pretty hilarious conclusion - but I can't, because it only goes downhill from here.

I tried to log into my old account. Of course, because I literally forgot it existed, it took me a few tries to figure out what email and password I'd used for it way back when. I got it in the end, but it doesn't really matter, because I never made it past the login screen. It told me I needed to reset my password in order to continue, and it said it had sent me a link in my email.

Checked my email.

No link.

And I'm absolutely certain it's the right email because it told me when I had the wrong one. (I got stuck waiting for about 24 hours because I'd tried too many emails, so - yeah. I knew I'd gotten the right one when it didn't lock me out.)

I tried a few more times, checked my spam, checked to see if maybe I had a block on Twitch emails - but no, they weren't blocked, because I was still getting monthly invoices for the subscription I hadn't realized I was still paying for and - later - Twitch support emails were getting through no problem. (And yeah, maybe I should've noticed the subscription thing sooner, but to be fair the invoices were being sent to an email I don't use anymore and I have a few other subscriptions active on my current account, so even the stuff popping up in my bank account didn't really raise any red flags.)

ANYWAY. This is the point at which I contacted Twitch. All I wanted was to figure out a way to force the email through or send a link to an alternate email address or, hell, to my phone number. They asked me a whole bunch of questions to make sure I was who I said I was - and nothing. Apparently I'm not actually me, because whatever information I provided wasn't "accurate". Which, bullshit, I think I know my own email and phone number and username and birthday, and I have a list of every single invoice number from now all the way back until the damn of time, all sitting in my inbox...of the email address that you can clearly see is attached to my Twitch account. I have bank statements if that ain't enough, my old username is almost identical to the one I use today, I use Pixiemage on almost every form of social media on the planet and - hell - my profile picture is the same one I made on a goddamn pixie hollow character designer game a decade ago, the one I still use on multiple accounts including my other Twitch account, and I've got the full sized version sitting on my fucking USB drive from high school if you're looking for the source.

(And maybe, yeah, that last one won't prove anything, but I'm trying to make a point here.)

I am who I say I am, and in reality, all I want to do is go in, scan my inbox for friends I need to add back on my new account, and either change my username or delete the damn thing so I can use Pixiemage on the channel I'm actively trying to build a following on. There should be a way to prove I'm me, right? I mean, for god's sake, I have the damn thing still attached to my Discord. Surely that's a way to confirm my identity? Surely?

On the plus side, Twitch did cancel my Jacksepticeye subscription so I'm not paying for something I can't even use, which I'm grateful for. (Although, a bit weird that they let me cancel a paid subscription if they legitimately thought I wasn't the REAL Pixie_mage...but I digress.) But the crux of the problem is that this whole mess started because of Twitch itself. I did nothing wrong. I've had the correct login information this whole time, and if Twitch didn't decide to (A) bar me from my account until I changed my currently correct password and then (B) never actually send me the damn reset email I need in order to do so in the first place, this whole mess would've been dealt with in the span of an hour.

It's been a week and a half.

Twitch support keeps spouting stuff about their Privacy Policy and about how whatever I sent them isn't enough to prove my identity, and while I normally appreciate that kind of security, when they're barring me from my own fucking account it's more than enough to make me want to punch a wall. They won't even give me alternative options for how to prove my identity, and if it weren't for the fact that they did actually take care of the financial half of the problem, I'd probably be ten times more irritated than I am now.

But for real. I want my account back. Give me another way to prove it's me. Communicate. Because right now it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall.

#Twitch #Twitch support #WHAT THE HELL MAN #I'm about ready to throw hands #for fuck's sake twitch #at least TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME #this is pissing me off #and I'm already insanely stressed with work and convention prep and an event I'm performing at next week #I don't need this on top of everything else #get your shit together

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qbedience · 4 years

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i see why my friends hate me now

#snap! this ones going in my qringe collection #shitpost #discord #discord sings #technically #the lorax #/#it took me half an hour to do this in the spam channel #the entire server was disappointed #im honestly surprised that i still have friends #the worst part is that i refuse to delete all these bots now #so theyre just #there #this is the worst thing ive done since the how cute shitpost #how do yall tolerate me #seriously #i am the worst human being and yall out here like #lmao cool we finna go commit arson w/ q alls cool man

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princessofprocrastination · 3 years

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Not The Same (GeorgeNotFound)

summary : you put out a song, but it attracted the wrong type of crowd and caused too many misunderstandings.

trigger warnings : threats (including death and doxing), panic attacks, taking of meds.

"you're THOSE type of fans, huh?" you read the comments on your newest song release.

and that was the start of your downfall.

you and your dad really enjoyed singing. at any opportunity you two got, you would be doing a duet.

whether that would be at at a close relative's wedding or your at home karaoke set up, you two knew how to entertain people.

though singing was your passion, you ended up being too busy with school and trying to graduate with a diploma to even think about singing again.

but you swore to make a career of your singing after high school. you just loved it too much.

but then, you didn't go to college for music, which pretty much shocked your parents and your friends since they knew your only passion in life was singing.

but you took a different direction. you still wanted to sing and you were trying your hardest to find a way to make that your career.

someday, anyway. but you needed to have a plan to fall back into in case anything goes wrong.

you were a realist, after all.

so off to college you went.

you spent long hours studying for tests after tests, sat through hours of lectures, did endless amounts of projects.

in the end, it was all worth the wait and fatigue. you graduated top of your class.

you went off to be an intern, clocked in more hours before you could fully go into the next phase of your life.

and after those long hours, you finally made the decision (with the support of your parents) to take a gap year.

but before anyone panics. your gap year was not all fun in games where you took to rest and lay in bed all day.

you took the gap year to see if the music industry fits you. to see if you even had the chance to succeed.

and if it did, you could finally have your dream job. but even if it didn't you were not going to be upset if you needed to fall back onto your backup plan.

in the duration of the gap year, you took voice lessons, and poetry classes for song writing.

and with whatever you have learnt, you took that into writing songs that you felt really relate to your life experiences.

so you spend at least a couple months writing multiple songs.

after almost 2 years, you finally came out with your first song. and it definitely got recognition. more than you thought you'd get, if you were being completely honest.

and that was what pushed you to sit your ass back on your desk to write more, and go into your makeshift studio and make the words into songs.

your parents were ecstatic to hear that you were finally doing the things you loved. and you knew you'd never get this far if it weren't for your family's support.

and so your music journey began.

it was going well for years. you were finally happy doing the one thing you enjoyed doing.

and you definitely think you were good at it. seeing and hearing the positive feedbacks from your family, friends and listeners.

you felt good.

but you lost that feeling when you came out with a new single, called ‘fan of you’.

you spent a while working hard on that song and you felt relieved when it was finally released. it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

and you weren’t sure how one thing led to another, if you were being honest. at first, you received good feedback for your new songs. you even gained new listeners and your spotify rank rised.

but then it didn’t anymore.

your twitter flooded with mentions and your instagram full of tagged pictures and dms by accounts you’ve never heard of.

but you noticed a similarity with all of the spam. a guy name george. georgenotfound for short.

you being you, you looked into it. and that was when all of the information hit you. and all you had to look up was your name on twitter, and there it was, the longest thread of tweets you have ever seen in your life.

you took time to read it all, trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial.

there must be an understanding. you didn’t know this guy name george. you’ve seen his face on pinterest once a while when you scrolled, yes. but you never looked into him.

this amazing person took their time to gather every bit of information there was about the scandal, which you were grateful for, or else you’d be scouring the internet for hours.

to summarise what you read, there was this artist by the name of tia jade who came out with a song a few months prior to yours called ‘just a fan.’

it was a good song, some say, and you could agree. it was professionally written and produced. but many fans of george found out that the song was about him.

not just about him, but about her falling in love with him, when she has never met him. and when his fans started to really listen and analyse the song, it got creepier.

basically, the song was about a fan falling in love with a celebrity/content creator and that they want to know them beyond their persona online.

but tia had apologised a little after the song came out, saying that she made that song based on a fan liking a content creator, and not about her falling for george.

but when you read enough of the issue, it definitely did seem like she was making that song to tell her story about falling for george. but she obviously needed an excuse to cover it up.

hence the apology.

and then you read about how they analysed your song, too.

they compared your song to tia’s and found it to have similar stories. stories about how a normal girl is falling in love with the man by the name of george, who had millions of followers on all social medias.

and if you admitted it to yourself, your song did seem to come out that way. especially if your mentality had been there. clearly your song could have been interpreted in many different ways.

you scrolled to the very bottom of the thread where there was a video of the man himself, george. he was addressing the issue.

“i don’t know how this happened twice. i thought once was weird enough, but.” he paused, focusing on building something on his screen.

“having heard of a song being about me again now makes my skin crawl.” he finished. it was short but enough to make his fans understand where he was coming from.

you scrolled further to see the replies of the thread. you wanted to know what were people saying about it.

and you definitely regretted your decision to do that.

threats everywhere. death threats, threats of beating you up, threats of doxing you. god the negative comments were drowned by the one’s that genuinely thought nothing wrong of your song.

you called you mom. this was the time you needed her advice. you needed to be told what to do. you didn’t want to accidentally trigger people.

you and her were on the phone for hours. she listened to you cried to her. she heard the painful sobs that came out of your mouth whenever you reminded yourself of what people were calling you on the internet.

she heard you cry silently on call when you saw your address and phone number being leaked on twitter.

but even through all of that, you joked around with your mom. “well, this was a hell of a way to be trending.”

you did what she told you to do. get a new phone number, stay in a hotel for a couple days while you try to settle the raging crowd of georgenotfound fans down.

in the span of a couple weeks, you got yourself a new number, a new house and a new car. you weren’t taking any chances.

you told no one besides your mom of the new changes, just to be safe.

and no, the threats did not cease. at all. these people did not have a life, constantly up in your dms, telling you to jump off a cliff or them hoping that a robber stabs you and leaves you dying.

you took your time trying to figure out a way to talk to george. or a way to speak out about this.

you didn’t want to write a half-assed notes app paragraph apologising when- first of all, you had nothing to apologise for and second, you had too much to say to fit it all in a notes app.

lucky for you, you didn’t need to start your own channel or make a sit down video on your own.

your recording label had brought up the idea of a documented series about you and how you became a singer about a year ago, and only started filming and posting the episodes a couple months prior on youtube.

so you took the series to your advantage. you pitched in the idea to your manager, to which she agreed to immediately, knowing that it was best you talked about it now.

this was how it played out on the perspective of viewers who watched that episode.

“bless you.” your producer says after you paused your singing in the mic as you stopped to sneeze.

you gave him a smile and a thumbs up from inside the booth.

the camera cuts to another clip.

the cameraman pans as they captured movers coming in and out of your old house, picking up your heavy furniture and boxes into large trucks to move into the new place.

it cuts again. this time it shows you scrolling on your phone with a focused face while your manager types something vigorously on her computer.

the camera tries to focus on your phone, and sees that you were on twitter, reading a lot of tweets under your name.

you exited the app and slide it away, going into youtube next, reading the comments on your song ‘fan of you’.

you scrolled far, clicking on some of the comments, trying to read the replies to certain comments you saw.

the camera cuts into a black screen. which then cuts again into a new scene, where you sat on your new kitchen counter talking to your mother, who sat on the chair in front of you.

your hair was up in a ponytail. a messy one. you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed far too big on you, and your feet covered with fluffy socks.

you were nodding to whatever she was saying to you. it was clear your mind was elsewhere as your eyes were unfocused.

the scene cuts again.

you were seen on the couch, your legs were tucked into your arms and your head down, body shaking. it was obvious you were crying.

you were alone, your mother no where to be seen.

that was the first time the camera caught you crying.

the scene cuts as you were going to get up from the couch.

now, you were in the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then walking to your room upstairs.

the camera follows behind you slowly into your room.

it hadn’t been the cleanest. there were a couple shirts on the floor, your bed undone, cups on your side table, your laptop open on your desk.

you were seen opening a drawer, taking out a small white bottle. you unscrewed the bottle and took out 2 pills, popping them in your mouth, drinking water straight away after that to swallow.

the scene cuts again.

this time, you were seated on the couch in the studio, the atmosphere dark and quiet.

your hair was more kept this time, being help up in a clip.

you were wearing straight jeans and a slightly oversized sweatshirt. you looked more refreshed this time. but it was obvious you hadn’t slept in a while because of your eyes.

your eyes that usually held a lot of happiness and joy turned dull.

“it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to a camera.” you offered a small smile. your song ‘just a fan’ was playing in the background of the clip.

the scene cuts again.

“when i released that song, i was genuinely proud of the work i had done.” you paused for a while. besides the song playing in the background, it was silent.

“but i guess the joy didn’t last very long.” the scene cuts there.

it transitioned to a collage of what people were saying about you. it showed clips of people talking about it on youtube. they even showed george talking about it.

and it cuts again.

it showed a different clip this time. a clip of your ex boyfriend and you at the beach on a picnic, that was taken by a close friend of yours.

this was when you were still in college.

it showed all the fun memories you two made while you were still together.

it showed a video of him studying in the library, flipping through his papers and scrolling through his laptop. it was clear he was hard at work, not noticing you filming him.

but then the scene cuts again. and the music turned somber.

your ex boyfriend’s grave.

it was the day you were visiting him. you sat down next to his stone, a blanket under you.

you were just staring at his stone, not moving.

and it cuts again.

“he was one of the most driven person i have ever met.” you told the camera.

“he knew when to be serious and when to have fun.” you looked down in your hands and played with your rings.

“all he ever talked about was becoming a surgeon. he worked hard in his intern years and continued being passionate through his residency.” you spoke up.

“people had only nice things to say about him. the only bad thing they would say about him is that he can be pretty uptight sometimes, especially when he was stressed about something.” you laughed a little.

“i was a huge fan of him, even when we just saw each other in the hallways. he’s just amazing. i’ve always wanted to be just like him.”

“i wanted to write a song about him but i didn’t the song to be sad.” you said.

“and that was when the song ‘fan of you’ was created.

the scene cuts there and goes into another.

you were in the recording booth again, this time, you were singing into the mic.

the camera pans to your producer and manager dancing and bobbing their heads to the beat.

the scene cuts, officially ending it with a black screen with ‘the end’ in a fancy white font.

you busied yourself with writing new songs as your name got trended again on twitter.

and george has never felt worse about himself ever in his entire life.

he watched the episode as soon as dream sent it to him.

“you’re an asshole, george.” dream sends to him, along with the link of the video on youtube.

as the video ends, he decides to read the comments, wondering what it was like down there.

it was the worse mistake he had ever made in a while.

but he knew he deserved it. he did assumed it was about him, just like the last song made with a drawing of his glasses as their cover photo on spotify.

this time, there was genuinely no reason to think that this song was about him, or anyone with a following whatsoever. he just believed what his chat told him.

sure, there were some familiarity of the character in your song and him, but the world did have 7.6 billion people living on it.

“so, here i am apologising.” george says to his camera, live. his tone was very sincere and apologetic.

“this shouldn’t have gotten this far. they shouldn’t have gotten threats at all, let alone death threats. they shouldn’t have woken up to the world knowing where they live and what their phone number is.”

“and if you’re watching. i sincerely apologise. i clearly was full of myself.” george finishes. ending the live with a small wave.

and were you watching? hell yes.

and that was the day the two of you followed each other on instagram.

he used your songs as his intros of his live, (with your permission, of course.) you showed in your documentary that you were watching whenever he was live or watching his youtube videos.

and that was the start to a beautiful relationship.

you sat on the chair, going live. you waved as people started joining. it went from hundreds, to thousands in seconds.

as you were talking and clicking on your keyboard and mouse, playing a game, you felt arms around your shoulders.

you smiled, yet continued playing.

“why are you live on my account?” he laughs.

you disconnected the headphones so that he could hear what you were hearing.

“george, you’re being replaced.” dream said on discord.

george smiles, giving you a kiss on the top of your head. “that was well deserved.”

#georgenotfound imagines #georgenotfound imagine #georgenotfound fanfic #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound

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withcolebrock · 3 years

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I Drew That

Corpse Husband x fem!reader

Summary: Corpse finds out that Y/N has a drawing of him as her background

Warnings: swearing :)

Word Count: 1,818

Author’s Note: I’ve spent weeks trying to write this piece :/ I just couldn’t find a way to make it how I wanted it if that makes sense but I tried my best. This idea was very cute because I can totally see this happening lol. Especially with like the whole flirty voice thing Corpse has been doing with like Brentman and like James and stuff haha. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

~~~

Tonight was one of the many nights that she was playing Among Us. It had taken over her life, a flood of success followed her once she had played with Sean and Felix. She had gained over two hundred thousand subscribers on her YouTube channel. It had changed her life for the better, in many ways.

For the last three rounds, it had been strict imposter wins. Felix won two of those. Everyone was shocked when it was him the second time, Felix was getting great at the game. The group then decided to switch lobbies because Felix was throwing a fit about getting imposter too much. It was the usual group of Felix, Sean, Poki, Rae, Sykkuno, Leslie, Toast, Dave, Corpse, and Y/N.

Over the last few months everyone in the group had gotten a lot closer. Especially Corpse and Y/N. After the first time they played together, a lobby Sean had created, they had talked for hours after the first game they played. This had continued almost every time they had played Most of the time, Corpse would be editing his videos while talking with her. It calmed him as he worked. She would be working on her art or scrolling through Pinterest or Tumblr.

They had even FaceTimed several times, where Corpse revealed his face to her. He made a big deal out of it, saying a whole monologue before he turned the camera to his face. She followed in pursuit being very dramatic as well. Whenever they would talk he would play her his music, waiting to see if she liked it. She loved any song he put out, despite it not being her usual music taste.

One night she was scrolling through Tumblr and found an artist who was drawing Among Us players with their little characters. One particular character made her smile and her heart flutter slightly. It was an amazing drawing of Corpse and his little character sitting on his shoulder. It was an art style she was familiar with, she loved supporting smaller artists. It was the cutest thing she has ever seen. Weirdly, it perfectly described him. She loved it so much, she decided to keep it as her phone Wallpaper.

The round started on Mira, where Y/N was a crewmate again. Throughout the whole night, she still hasn’t gotten imposter. “Dammit,” she groaned at the screen. She stood still at the start of the map, waiting to see if anyone would fake tasks at the start. Everyone ran off, not doing them. She quickly followed.

After a long thirty seconds lights get shut off. She ignores the emergency and continues doing her tasks, she stood by the vending machine when Felix killed her. “It’s fucking Felix again!” she leaned back in her chair groaning. She covered her face with her hands. “He’s gotta stop killing me first,” she shook her head. She tried to hide how annoyed she was.

Her body was called by Poki, she was the only dead one. “Oh my god,” Poki said once the screen popped up.

“Y/N no!” Rae yelled, “You guys, she’s died first the last three rounds,”

“Wait really? Oh Jesus, sorry Y/N,” Sykkuo said, a breathy laugh leaving his lips.

“I’ll protect you next round, Y/N, I promise,” Corpse said. Y/N tried to hide her smile and the heat rushing to her cheeks.

“We’ll avenge you, Y/N!” Sean yelled. Soon after everyone grieved her death they began asking each other where they were. Everyone had a solid alibi making it impossible for them to figure out who did it.

“Guys, guys, Y/N died first the last three rounds right?” Toast started, everyone hummed, “Who was imposter these past few rounds?” he explained. Everyone gasped.

“You really think I would kill her first three rounds in a row?” Felix tried to defend himself as the voting time clock turned red.

“You’ve done it twice already!” Sean yelled, voting Felix. Felix was saved since half of the group skipped. She floated around the map trying to get her tasks done quickly so she could talk to her chat without holding back the rest of the group.

She glanced towards her chat, reading a few questions, she shifted her gaze to the game and thought about the questions. “I’ve been working on a cute little animation for you guys, I might do another art stream with you guys. Only if you guys want it, of course.” she read through a few more questions while answering them, while she waited for the meetings to end.

Once all of her tasks were done, she began to talk about her art and fanart. “Yeah, there’s an artist on Tumblr, they are amazing, they deserve so much more recognition,” she explained as she showed them her lock screen with the drawing of Corpse; without thinking about her chat being curious as to why it was him. Turning her phone back towards her, her eyes widened as realization dawned on her.

The chat began to flood in with questions, begging Y/N to tell them why she had Corpse’s drawing as her background. She chose to ignore the question and continue talking about her own art and showing fan art. Despite trying to change the subject, she sighed dramatically. “Chat, there’s no reason why Corpse’s character is my background, the artist is just good, stop talking about it,” she giggled as the victory screen popped up on her screen.

“Felix what the fuck!” she unmuted in discord. He began laughing as he began to defend his actions. “No, no it doesn’t matter if I know your liar voice, Felix-” After about five minutes of everyone talking the next round started. She was a crewmate again, “I feel like I’m bugged,” she groaned as she started running around doing her tasks. Corpse’s little black character was following her.

“Looks like I got myself a little body guard,” she smiled as she spoke. They walked passed the medbay room, as Corpse moved his character dramatically. She rolled her eyes as they both walked into the medbay room. She didn’t have medbay, but she sat waiting for Corpse to finish. They continued doing tasks together until a body was called. It was Sean’s.

“Y/N’s cleared I was with her the entire time,” Corpse said confidently into his mic. She said the same about him. Poki was acting a little weird during the call, which made Y/N a little suspicious of her.

~~~

When the lights were shut off Corpse was killed by Poki, and he groaned as his body was killed immediately. Poki called out Y/N right away, saying that she was with Corpse the whole time. Corpse glanced towards his chat, finally able to try and read everything everyone was saying. His eyes lit up as he saw her name flash the screen several times.

One person kept spamming the chat saying, Y/N’s has your Among Us character as her background, he smiled as he read it. He knew exactly what the picture was, “Oh really?” he hummed as he continued reading. Everyone was saying how nervous she got when they kept asking her about it. He pressed his lips together nervously. He decided to drop it for now, but he was curious. He looked back up to the screen and began to listen to what was happening during the meeting.

“...You really think I would spend this whole game marinating Corpse for me to kill him in front of Poki? What about that double kill that happened, there was no way I would’ve done that if I was with him.” Y/N explained, over Poki trying to defend herself.

“I think she’s got it guys,” It was down to Toast, Y/N, Sykkuno, and Poki. Everyone quickly voted for Poki. The Victory screen popped up. “I knew you had it, Y/N,” Corpse said as everyone started shouting into the discord.

After a few minutes of them discussing the round, they decided to switch over to Polius. “Hey, Y/N, can I ask you something?” Corpse asked, the group quickly went quiet.

“Sure,” she giggled.

“My chat keeps saying you have my character as your phone background, is that true?” he asked, teasingly. He smiled widely. The entire group started cheering while teasing Y/N and Corpse.

Her mouth dropped open as she tried to find a way to explain it, “Well, uh,” she cleared her throat, “I do actually, it was great art, what was I supposed to do?” she laughed.

“Oooo, someone has a little crush,” Sean teased, Felix quickly joined. The rest of the group was simply laughing along. Corpse stayed silent while the group was teasing Y/N, and Corpse for that matter.

He pulled up Y/N’s Twitter and began to scroll through her feed to find the perfect drawing. He took the drawing that Y/N did of her own Among Us character. It was a drawing of Y/N holding her little character in her hand. It was his favorite piece of art she has done. Mainly because she drew it while on FaceTime with him. He quickly changed it to his iphone background, he glanced back towards the screen, seeing if the game started. He took a screenshot of it and immediately texted it to Y/N.

“Y/N, look at our messages,” he said simply into his mic. The group slowly stopped talking as they waited for Y/N to open the message.

“Corpse, I’m scared,” she whispered, everyone started laughing.

“Just open the message,” he giggled.

She sighed dramatically while she pulled up the messages with Corpse, seeing the screenshot. Her lips fell into a pout as she saw it. “I drew that,” she mumbled into the mic.

“You did,” he whispered, as he felt heat rise in his cheeks. He loved hearing her voice. “It’s my favorite,” he continued.

“Corpse,” she whined as her eyes began to tear up. She didn’t know why, but her heart felt so full. “You didn’t have to do that,” she mumbled, readjusting herself in her chair. She shifted her gaze towards the contact name, Corpseyyy.

“Of course I did, It was beautiful art,” he muttered while he looked back towards his phone, admiring his new phone background.

“Is this..a possible.. New relationship starting?” Sean whispered dramatically into his mic.

“It sounds like it,” Rae interjected. Corpse rolled his eyes dramatically, but he didn’t oppose the idea; neither did Y/N. Rae quickly started the game, letting the tension ease between everyone. Corpse and Y/N got imposter together.

“Oh my god finally,” Y/N said into the mic as she started faking tasks, “Chat, please stop saying I’m blushing, you aren’t helping,” she giggled as she continued the game. She raised her hand to her cheek, feeling the warmth.

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband imagines #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband fanfic #corpse imagines #corpse x reader #corpse fanfic #e girls are ruining my life #cat girls are ruining my life #miss you!#agoraphobia

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

Text

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 20

Shit goes sideways for y/n and Hannibal as they search for Will.

@dovahdokren @deadman-inc-bikeshop @lov3vivian @wisesandwichshark @scpdragon

Trigger warnings: stalking, threats of violence, implied threats of sex abuse

Your text notification sound rang over and over. You pulled yourself out of the abyss of sleep, slowly regaining your lucidity. You checked the time. 3:45AM.

The room was dark, a plush blanket was draped over your body, and Hannibal was nowhere to be seen. It was clear he had no intention of waking you up. You resigned to chew him out about that later. For now, you had to attend to what seemed like the thousands of text messages piling up in your notifications.

But they weren’t text messages. They were comments on all your reddit posts. Dozens of them, all from different burner accounts, and they all said the same thing.

u/lostlamb928723: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

u/fallenone736139: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

u/ledastray372935: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

You threw the blanket off your legs, scrolling through the overwhelming mass of biblical spam. You saw the silver lining immediately: Chase wouldn’t be fucking with you if you weren’t close.

“Hannibal!” You called out, eyes scanning the dark house for any sign of him. He wouldn’t have gone to bed. You let the blood return to your legs before standing up, stretching and searching the house.

You could hear the beginnings of a storm brewing outside. The ambient pitter-patter of rain was usually a source of comfort, but the abrupt claps of thunder out of nowhere put you on edge. You tiptoed around the massive house, eyes up for anything out of place.

“Hannibal?” You whispered, peering through the threshold into the kitchen. You hadn’t noticed how scary his kitchen was until then. It was large, cold and uninviting, especially when it was only illuminated by the occasional bolt of lightning.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, over and over and over. More of the same, no doubt.

A hand found your shoulder and you jumped out of your skin. You screamed. It took a second to realize that it was just Hannibal, and not your sleep paralysis demon come to life.

“It’s just me, darling.” He soothed, putting both hands on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Fucking hell, Hannibal.” You cursed, trying to catch your breath. “Maybe you could have at least answered when I called your name.”

“I’m sorry.” He stroked your hair, knowing it would soothe your nerves. "I was in the office and I couldn't hear you."

"Why is everything so dark?" You asked.

“The storm knocked out the power about half an hour ago." He explained. The nuances in his voice suggested that this was only one of several inconveniences. "I was hoping it would be back on by the time you woke up.”

"Damn, just when I thought we were getting close." You muttered, pulling your phone from your back pocket. "Here, take a look at this-"

You unlocked your phone and showed him the mass of notifications.

"Strange." He commented. "How are you getting notifications if the power is out?"

"Huh." You furrowed your brow and looked at your phone. “If the power is out, that means the Wi-Fi is down, right?”

“Thus the source of my confusion.” He said.

You opened your phone and saw that you were getting four bars of WiFi. “Then how on earth are all these notifications coming through?”

“Your cellular, perhaps?” He asked, looking over your shoulder.

You shook your head. The network was just a strand of ten numbers. "No, this is... a hotspot? Is your phone putting out a mobile hotspot?”

"I'm afraid not." He lowered his head. “Would your phone connect to a hotspot being put out by some random source?”

“I don’t know, I-- Wait.” You cut yourself off. “Oh no.”

“What is it?”

“Hannibal, call Will’s phone.” You said, frantically.

He was compliant, but he could never be comfortable taking orders from someone without knowing why. His motions were slow and he let the silence linger, urging you to fill it with an explanation.

You rubbed your temples. "When I was in Wolf Trap, Will set up a hotspot for me to call my mom. My phone probably recognized it and connected automatically when the power went out."

A distant, but audible rumbling came from just outside the front door. He caught on as soon as the sound hit his ear. A peek out the window confirmed your worst fears. A phone with a shattered screen was laid directly in eyeshot. You could make out Hannibal’s call icon.

“Shit.” You cursed. “They found us.”

Like clockwork, your phone began to ring. An unlisted number appeared on the screen. You looked at it, and then back at Hannibal.

"Answer." He said. "Let him think you're alone."

Hesitantly, you slid the green answer icon across the screen and put the caller on speaker.

“Hello?” You answered, your voice trembling.

“[F/N] [L/N].” Will’s strained voice croaked from the receiver. “My favorite sinner.”

You shared a look of relief with Hannibal. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Will, oh my god, you’re alive!”

“So you believe in god now?” Will said through his teeth. You weren’t talking to Will. You were talking to Chase. Will was just his current in a long line of surrogate bodies he used and disposed of.

“Chase,” Your voice lowered with severity. “If you hurt him, I swear to shit, I will not hesitate to paint the walls with your insides.”

“Be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little ears what you hear” Will read off. “For the father up above is looking down in love...”

“Chase, you sick fuck.” You shouted. “Pull that dick out of your mouth and talk to me yourself.”

“If you want to talk to me...” Will struggled. “Come here yourself.”

You looked at Hannibal for any sort of direction. In your silence, Chase continued to make his puppet talk.

“Since you seem to be having some trouble finding me,” Will said. “The directions are on your boyfriend’s phone. I left it on the porch for you.”

“Yeah, I found it.” You spat.

“Next time, don’t leave yourself so vulnerable by posting on public forums.” He said. “Some psycho may have found you before I did. Oh, and [F/N]?”

“What?” You snapped.

“No cops. No FBI.” Will said, pain in every word.

You just couldn't take it anymore. "What the hell do you want from me?"

“I want to have a conversation about god’s true love.” Will wretched as he spoke. You had a sickening feeling that Will was privy to what that 'conversation' would really entail.

You wanted to vomit. You could picture the look on Chase’s face, flashing his unnaturally white teeth at the idea of finally having you. Doing fuck-knows-what to you. Using Will’s mouth to say it. Tormenting the man you’d come to love. You channeled your disgust into rage.

“I’ll see you in fucking Borrasca.” You snarled.

#hannibal nbc #hannibal lecter #hannibal x reader #hannibal x you #hannibal x will #hannibal x you x will #hannibal x reader x will #will graham #will graham x reader #will graham x you #the sommelier #hannigram

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aloha-solar · 3 years

Text

The Spaces Between the Stars: Chapter One

AO3 is here

Pairing: fem!Shep x Kaidan

Rating: M

Ex-Cerberus Operative Miranda Lawson was not a doctor. The Alliance military and the staff at King James Hospital made that quite clear when she sent in an inquiry to join their team. They said that while they appreciated civilian aid, “Miss Lawson was not equipped to handle the delicacies of medical aid on severely injured patients.” In an ordinary case, Miranda would have agreed with them. She didn’t know how to perform an appendectomy. She didn’t have a clue on the proper procedure to amputate a limb. Hell, if she needed to deliver a baby, Miranda felt pretty sure she would end up telling the mother to keep her legs crossed until the doctors arrived.

But Commander Shepard wasn’t an ordinary case. Miranda rebuilt the woman from scratch, fitted her with different cybernetics to repair the pieces they couldn’t replicate from ordinary skin tissue, and made her look and perform better than before. She brought a clinically brain-dead woman back to life. Whatever medical expertise that was, Miranda had it.

But the Alliance didn’t want an ex-terrorist working on their galactic hero. They wanted an actual doctor, and Miranda felt pretty sure most of the doctors in the hospital never worked on someone who ended up being as much synthetic as organic. She sent another fifty letters, all of them rejected. But she still waited. People always came around…even if it did take them a while.

“Are you serious about all this, princess?” Jack asked one night. “You seriously think they’re going to let some cheerleader with nice tits into one of their secret operations?”

“To be honest, Miranda, that does sound a little bit far-fetched,” Kasumi said. “Okay, well, more than a little, but I’m trying to be nice.” Miranda fought against rolling her eyes. The three women weren’t exactly friends, but when the whole universe seemed to be on the brink of destruction only a month before, it seemed only fair to let bygones be bygones, even though Jack still probably wanted to paint her bedroom with Miranda’s innards, while Kasumi most likely stole half of Miranda’s credits while Miranda was watching. However, Miranda wouldn’t have even sought out the position if it weren’t for Jack and Kasumi: several of Jack’s students were being treated at the same hospital, and Jack caught a glimpse at Shepard when she got lost after visiting hours. Kasumi got access into Alliance records during her work on the Crucible and discovered the files detailing Shepard’s rescue and her current medical condition. Jack had gotten the message to Miranda first, while Kasumi ended up sneaking into their comm channel and spamming the chat with all the data she could find about Shepard’s status.

Miranda drummed the rim of her wine glass, like she was playing a piano. “Why not?” she said. “I know every piece of Shepard’s body, both inside and out. I know what pieces of her are still organic, and what areas are heavily synthetic. I spent two years of my life trying to bring her back.”

“This isn’t some kind of fucked-up Frankenstein shit show,” Jack said. “This is actually treating a person.”

“She crash-landed on Earth,” Miranda pointed out.

“Yeah, but there was still an intact body.”

“And who gave Shepard the parts to keep that intact body? When we first got her, she was more like a pile of meat than an actual human. If the Alliance is working on an intact body, they’ve got the Lazarus Project to thank for that.”

“That’s not the fucking point.”

“It’s a point enough.”

“Maybe the Alliance is upset that the woman who rebuilt the Commander Shepard wasn’t actually Alliance-affiliated,” Kasumi said. “Or at least, she wasn’t at the time.”

“I’m still not.”

“There you go,” Kasumi said, taking a sip of her neon-orange drink. Miranda wondered if Kasumi drank enough of it, she would actually be visible when she cloaked herself. “They want to keep everything in the family. Better to not risk an outside source ruining the Alliance’s poster girl.”

“The queen of the girl scouts,” Jack muttered into her bottle of beer.

“So if the Alliance screws anything up, they’d end up blaming me and my Cerberus background,” Miranda said. She downed the last of her wine. In the dim light of the bar, it looked a little too much like blood.

“Yeah,” Kasumi said. “They screw up, they can blame Cerberus for shoddy workmanship. They make her as good as new, it was all the technological advances of the Alliance.” Miranda snorted. She grabbed the wine bottle and poured another glass, nearly overfilling it and spilling it all over the table.

“You’d think that because we worked with her, we’d actually get a chance to see her,” Miranda said, more into her wineglass than her tablemates.

“I think it’s more ‘forced into helping her on a suicide mission’, princess,” Jack said. She opened another bottle of beer with her teeth. Miranda winced and prayed that the white stuff she saw was beer froth and not Jack’s teeth chipping away. Kasumi peered at Jack from underneath her hood and caught the bottlecap when Jack tossed it to the side. “Besides, Kasumi’s still a thief, so they don’t want her stealing their fucking medical equipment. You were on the run for six-goddamn-months, so they don’t know what the fuck you were up to: you could have still been with the Illusive Man for all the Alliance knew. And I’m the Psychotic Biotic, so that’s totally someone they want around the Savior of the Galaxy.”

“Are they calling her that now?” Kasumi said, taking an orange slice from her drink and squeezing it onto the table. She dabbed at the juice spots with her glove. “I can see the air quotes around it already.”

“The point is,” Miranda said, “the rest of the Normandy crew—even Garrus and Tali—get to see her whenever they come back. We’re the poor idiots pushed off to the side.” Miranda swallowed the rest of her wine in the glass, before grabbing the bottle and finishing it off in three long gulps. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, before standing up so abruptly that she made her chair fall backwards and the table wobble. Kasumi grabbed her drink without spilling a drop. She made a grab for Jack’s at the same time Jack did, spilling the rest of the beer onto the floor.

“What the fuck, princess?” Jack said, standing up too.

“You don’t need to follow me,” Miranda said. “I’m going to go to the hospital again. I just need an official explanation other than the vague political bullshit they gave me.”

“You just downed a whole bottle of wine in like ten fucking minutes,” Jack said. “You’re going to be shitfaced walking in there.”

“Liquid courage,” Miranda said.

“Oh my God.”

“Why are you questioning it?” Kasumi said, taking another few sips of her drink before dumping it into a potted plant just a few steps away from the table. “It’s either going to go extraordinarily well or extraordinarily poorly. Whatever it is, it’s great entertainment.”

“Kasumi—” Miranda said, but Kasumi cut her off by cloaking herself. Jack rolled her eyes and sucked at the beer bottle, trying to get the last dregs.

“Are you coming?” Miranda asked. Jack spat the bottle back out onto the table. It bounced and rolled off next to the potted plant that Kasumi threw her drink in.

“And miss the chance to see the Cerberus cheerleader embarrass herself? Fuck no,” Jack said.

“Good,” Miranda said, in a tone that implied the opposite. With legs wobblier than a baby giraffe, she led the invisible Kasumi and the (unfortunately) still visible Jack out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. Jack quickly motioned for a taxi and forced Miranda in first, then Kasumi, then Jack.

“Take us to King James Hospital,” Miranda said. Her stomach was churning like crazy. She wondered if wine vomit stained fabrics in the same way actual wine did.

“So what’s the plan?” Kasumi asked as she uncloaked herself.

“I dunno. Probably laugh at her when she pukes all over Admiral Hackett,” Jack said.

“I’m just trying to get an explanation,” Miranda said, shooting Jack a glare that should have killed her five times over. Unfortunately, Jack was still alive. Even worse, she kept snarking on Miranda.

“Remember how after Pragia I said I was going to spill your guts all over the walls?” Jack said, snickering. “Looks like you’re about to do it yourself, cheerleader.”

“Can we not go that far?” Kasumi said. “I am not in the mood to see if a test-tube human throws up differently than me.”

“I mean, she’s gotta be flawed somewhere, right?” Jack said. Her face flickered in the streetlamps, making her look ghost-like. “Seems not even Little Miss Fucking Perfect can avoid getting hungover.”

“Can we please stop now?” Miranda asked, clutching her stomach. The bottle of wine on an empty stomach—“You need to eat carbs before you go nuts on the alcohol!” Kasumi said when Miranda ordered the wine, but of course she didn’t listen—seemed to only get worse the longer it took to get to the hospital. Or maybe it was the nerves. Miranda sent in a lot of letters to the hospital, but she’d never actually gone in and spoken to the doctors face-to-face. Maybe she never had the time. Maybe she didn’t want to interrupt them. Maybe she was scared at taking the rejection in-person. It felt like one of the Illusive Man’s tricks, only there was no way to charm herself out of answering it. She put her head on the cool window and closed her eyes as Jack and Kasumi argued as to whether Jack could or couldn’t get alcohol poisoning based on her implant.

Eventually, the car slowed to a stop. Kasumi re-cloaked herself, Jack nearly fell out of the cab, and Miranda gave the driver five pounds extra than she was originally going to, but it seemed like the least she could do for him, especially considering that he just spent half an hour with the world’s best thief, the Psychotic Biotic, and the Cerberus Cheerleader. After she watched the driver peel away, Miranda staggered around and blinked in the hospital’s bright lights.

“You’d think they’d reduce their power a little bit, considering that London has power rations going on,” Kasumi mused from somewhere on Miranda’s left-hand side.

“And let five-hundred people die?” Jack said, scoffing.

“Fair point. Also, Miranda,” Kasumi said, briefly un-cloaking herself again. “I was able to steal some of Cerberus’ files before the Normandy got impounded. It’s all pretty much from the Lazarus Project.” Miranda blinked.

“What?” she said.

“I can transfer the files over to an omni-tool or a datapad. What one would you prefer?”

“Damn, Kasumi,” Jack said. “How did you even get those files?”

“A thief never reveals her secrets,” Kasumi said, typing on her omni-tool. “Or maybe that’s what magicians are supposed to do. Whatever. Anyway, Miranda, I’ve set the files to both your internet and extranet address.” Miranda pulled out her omni-tool. Sure enough, she received ten attachments. Tentatively, Miranda opened one. Her own voice came booming back out at her as a lung surgery played on the screen.

“As you can see here, we ended up abandoning the idea of using tissue from the right lung and instead just used synthetic pieces in order to repair the punctures in her left lung,” screen-Miranda said.

“What made you change your mind?” another voice said, and Miranda swallowed. She forgot that she gave every piece of information to the Illusive Man.

Another voice came on, and Miranda fought the urge to roll her eyes. Wilson. “With all due respect, sir, Operative Lawson realized that ou—my initial plan was foolish. We couldn’t take tissue from the right lung without causing severe damage to it.”

“I see,” the Illusive Man said. He paused to take a drag from his cigarette, and Miranda used the ensuing silence as a chance to turn her omni-tool off.

“Never thought I’d hear his voice again,” she mumbled.

“You want to know something funny?” Kasumi said. “In a lot of the Alliance documents, they abbreviated his name as ‘TIM’.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jack said. “And I thought Rodriguez’s name was pathetic. TIM? Yeah, that’s a name that’ll make people shit themselves on the battlefield.”

“They won’t accept it,” Miranda said. Jack and Kasumi glanced at her. “They’ll hear the Illusive Man’s voice and they’ll think I’m still with Cerberus. Let’s get back to the bar.” She turned around to call another taxi, but Jack yanked her back with a biotic pull. She pulled a little too hard, and Miranda landed right on her rear.

“Damn,” Jack said. “With a bubble-butt like that I’m surprised you didn’t end up bouncing.”

“What was that for?” Miranda said as Kasumi yanked her up.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘you’re not leaving this hospital until you go in there’, Queen-Bee,” Jack said. She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side. “The Illusive Man was a major piece of shit, and if there’s a hell I hope that fucker’s rotting in it. But it’s like you said: you were the one who brought Shepard back, and you were the one who built the squad that took on the Collector base. You might piss me off most of the time, princess, but there’s two good things I can say about you: one, you’ve got nice tits, and two, you’re damn good at getting shit done when you put your mind to it.”

“That’s about the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Miranda said. She took a deep breath and gently shook Kasumi’s arm free. She stared up at the hospital again, her fists clenched. “All right then. Let’s do this.”

“And Jack and I will be there as moral support!” Kasumi said. “Jack’ll be the one you can look at for encouragement and me…well, it’ll be good to know my presence is felt.” Miranda gave a quick nod to the two of them before marching her way up to the hospital. Her legs still felt shaky, though she wasn’t quite sure if that was from nerves or from the wine. Luckily, she still managed to make it to the reception desk without turning her ankle in her boots. The receptionist—a young woman whose nametag read “Charlotte”—looked up at Miranda and Jack.

“Erm…” Charlotte said, her fingers hovering above the terminal as she took in their appearances. “Did you two just come from a fancy-dress party?” Miranda did suppose they looked a sight: while her white body-suit was more public-friendly than Jack’s crop top and tattoo combo, the two probably did look like they’d come from a costume contest instead of a bar.

“Good thing I cloaked myself, right?” Kasumi whispered in Miranda’s ear.

“No, actually,” Miranda said to both Charlotte and Kasumi. “We’re here to see Commander Shepard.” Charlotte bit her lip and looked at a spot on her desk.

“Commander Shepard isn’t here,” she said, fiddling with a sticky key on the terminal. “Was there anything else I could help you with?”

“Oh, bullshit,” Jack said, and the two women pressed their palms and leaned over Charlotte’s desk at the same time. “Shepard’s here. She might be in a different ward, but this is the only hospital in a three-mile radius that’s had patients that were hit by the Reaper beam.”

“Plus we worked with Shepard, so we’re kept in the loop as to what happened to her,” Miranda lied.

“Plus I had access to the Alliance information that stated Shepard’s current medical condition,” Kasumi said, shimmering in-and-out of her cloak as she said it. Charlotte glanced from Jack, to Miranda, to the space where Kasumi stood, and wilted.

“She’s on the third floor. She’s had a whole private room to herself,” Charlotte said. “All the people from the Alliance keep going in there. I think one of the admirals is in there right now. Can you please…go away now?”

“That wasn’t too difficult, was it?” Miranda said. She turned on her heel and walked away. “Come on Jack,” she called as she walked to the elevator. She took a quick glance around and saw Jack do a quick fake-out at Charlotte’s desk before running up to catch the elevator. Miranda clicked the button.

“We make quite a power-team, don’t we?” Miranda said as she watched the numbers on the elevator slowly reach their floor. Jack snorted.

“Don’t let it get to your head,” she said as the elevator doors opened.

“If we’re going to be a girl-squad, can we be like Charlie’s Angels?” Kasumi piped up as the three women stepped into the elevator. “No, wait, actually bring Shepard, Samara, and Tali into the equation and we’ll be like the Sailor Scouts!”

“Who?” Jack asked.

---

Shepard’s room wasn’t that hard to find. It was the only one surrounded completely by Alliance military. Miranda, Jack, and Kasumi turned a corner and, upon seeing the huge swarm of blue in the distance, all quickly turned back around.

“That many members of the Alliance there?” Miranda said. She glared at Jack. “I thought you said there weren’t many people around her room!” Jack shrugged.

“That receptionist did tell us that one of the admirals was in there right now,” Kasumi said. “They’re probably just there for protection.”

“There’s like ten guys there,” Jack pointed out. “They don’t need that many. And if you’re that worried, I’m sure a quick shockwave will send ‘em running.”

“We’re not here to give this hospital anymore patients.”

“If you’d like, I could go check,” Kasumi said. She shimmered and became invisible again. Her soft-padded shoes echoed down the hall as she ran down, before quickly running back. As soon as she saw Miranda and Jack again, she became visible. “What was that admiral that Shepard kept talking about? The one with the grey beard? Hatchet?”

“Hackett,” Miranda said. She sighed and buried her face in her palms. “Great. This is going as well as ever.”

“Might mean two things,” Jack said. “Either Shepard is awake and communicating, or she’s about to die and there’s like a funeral going on in there.”

Miranda pulled her head from her hands so quickly she banged her against the wall. “Kasumi, did you see Shepard’s condition?” she asked.

“No, I could only see the admiral,” Kasumi said. “But they wouldn’t bring ten bodyguards in unless something really big happened, right?”

“And this ward does require fewer medical staff. They moved her from the last time I was in to see the kids,” Jack said. “Before, she was in kind of like an emergency unit.”

“Great,” Miranda said, rubbing the back of her head. “So what am I supposed to do? Just walk up to them and act like I’m Shepard’s doctor or something?”

“Her nurse,” Kasumi said. “That would be a little bit more believable than a doctor.”

“Yeah, a nurse in a porno,” Jack said. “With that outfit, there’s no way they’re going to think she’s a nurse or a doctor.”

“I can steal one,” Kasumi offered.

“A nurse or a doctor? You’re good Kasumi, but no-one’s that good.”

“I meant an outfit. And we’ll all act like medical staff.”

“And then we’ll all get put in jail because we were caught impersonating medical staff,” Miranda said, sighing. She stood up properly. “No, the only way to face this is head on.”

“You’re not gonna puke, are you?” Jack asked from below.

“No,” Miranda said, though she wouldn’t be surprised if she did. “Wish me luck.” She stumbled around the corner again, and tried to muster up any sort of courage, drunken or otherwise. She couldn’t. What she got was a few angry soldiers staring at her as she wobbled towards them.

“I’m here to see Admiral Hackett,” Miranda said. Even before the sentence left her lips, she was aware of how stupid that sentence sounded, like a child on their first job interview.

“The admiral?” one of the soldiers said, and the one on her right hand side started to snicker. “Sure, if you pay me a million credits.”

“So the Alliance is accepting bribes now?” Miranda said, crossing her arms.

“How about two million and a night in bed with you?” said a soldier a few steps away from the first two soldiers. “Actually, forget the two million. How about just a night in—” Shepard’s door opened, and all the soldiers immediately zipped up their mouths and stood to attention. Admiral Hackett walked out.

“At ease,” he grumbled. He frowned at them. “Soldiers, you do know I can see you when you’re goofing off out here, right? Keep doing that, and I’ll tell your chief that he might want to put you all on latrine duty for a month.”

“Um, sir?” the first soldier said, raising her hand. Hackett scowled at her. Her friend pulled her hand down and the soldier started sweating. “Um…that woman over there said she was here to see you?” Hackett turned around and raised his eyebrows. Miranda clasped her hands behind her back, though despite her heels and her posture, she felt incredibly small.

“Yes, I am,” she said, her voice shaking. “I was the one who headed Project Lazarus—”

“—And brought Commander Shepard back after we all presumed her dead. Yes, I know who you are, Operative Lawson,” Hackett said.

“I haven’t been a part of Cerberus since the Normandy was taken by the Alliance,” Miranda said. Hackett had the ball in his court and this was her only chance to put up a decent fight. “The Illusive Man was dangerous and deserved everything that he got. I’m here as a friend to Commander Shepard—”

“Miss Lawson, I know you’re here as more than a friend to Commander Shepard,” Hackett said. He put his hand on his chin and gazed directly into her eyes. Miranda stared back. “You’re here because you want to get involved.”

“I am more than capable of doing so,” Miranda said. “I built Shepard back from nothing, and she saved the bloody galaxy.”

“I know,” Hackett said. “And you’re the only person who knows exactly what kind of tech we’re dealing with. You’re on the team.”

“I’m—what?” Miranda said.

“I don’t believe I stuttered there, Miss Lawson.”

“No, Admiral, I heard you the first time,” Miranda said, feeling her face grow hot. She felt a surge of bile in her throat and she quickly swallowed it down before she embarrassed herself even more. “I’m curious to know as to why you’re so…so willing. I have footage of the surgeries if you want solid proof of my work,” she said, pulling out her omni-tool. Hackett placed his hand on her arm and looked Miranda in her eyes again, much softer than before.

“We’ve already most of it, Miss Lawson. Some of it was left on your terminal on the Normandy, and we were able to pick up other bits and pieces from the raids on Cerberus bases,” Hackett said. “You’re the leader of this project now. Shepard’s been out for a month, and humanity wants to see its hero back. If we could raise the Normandy, we’d use them as a placeholder until Shepard was up and running, but they’ve been off the grid since the Crucible went off.

“So we need Shepard, and the staff here aren’t equipped to bring her back, especially when there’s so many wounded. There’s only one other person that’s performed the impossible, and that’s you. Get in there and wake her up. In exchange, I’ll make sure all of your activities with Cerberus are taken off your record. Troops, let’s head out.” With that, Hackett and his foot-soldiers marched away, leaving Miranda feeling like she did when they recovered Shepard’s body. From behind her, Kasumi and Jack walked up to watch Hackett and the Alliance soldiers leave.

“Well then,” Miranda finally said.

“God, if any of my kids turn out to be that shitty, I’m making them deal with Zaeed,” Jack said. “No, Garrus. Actually, fuck it: both.”

“I thought you met Hackett before this?”

“Yeah, with a group of like sixty other people to get pardoned. Not exactly a heart-to-heart conversation.”

“Did he say when you needed to start? Probably tomorrow, right?” Kasumi said. “Then let’s head back to the bar! You need to celebrate the fact you’ve got a new job now, Miranda!”

“Yeah,” Miranda said. “The most important job in the world. Now, does anyone know if there’s a bin or pizza place nearby? I’m probably going to throw up if we don’t get some of this wine absorbed.”

#Mass Effect #mass effect fanfiction #f!shenko #shenko #fshenko #kaidan x femshep #femshep x kaidan #OTP: dipshits in love

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masseffecthoe · 3 years

Text

Forbidden starfruit

Wanted to write a little one shot, plotless porn... so here’s part 1/5 :)) Some plot wiggled itself in, oops. I just wanted the reader not to be a goody two shoes, couldn’t find any fanfics, so I wrote one. Classic story. Y/N is not evil, but definitely on the morally grey, leaning dark side. Seduction to the grey side if you will.

Spam me any ‘seduction to the dark side’ stories with OC/reader tho, Poe, Kylo, anyone. I crave MORE!

Summary: Poe meets a stranger in a bar. They bang.

Warning: uum the no pants dance. sucking the oyster.

EDIT: AHAHAHA OMG the paragraphs didn’t paste in order!!! FFS... fixed it now >.<

Probably ooc, probably some wrong tech/lore. Wrote for fun.

I like mood boards.

The bar was packed, the music loud and energizing. People were either chatting on the margins, tables full of drinks, or enjoying themselves on the dance floor. Poe checked the time again, remembering to keep his expression relaxed. The informant was almost four hours late, something must have went wrong. Or he'd changed his mind, or perhaps he never existed. It was not everyday that they received intel about the First Order from a supposed deserter - the possibilities were endless and the factors unprecedented.

Everyone thought it might be a trap, but the chances for it were dwindling by the minute. Surely if this was some kind of ploy something would have already happened by then. He took another short sip of his drink - his second cup of ardees already - trying to stall for as long as possible. His eyes wandered over the crowd again, a small smile forming on Poe's lips. It was nice to see them having fun, aliens and humans alike, no worries of the oppressions of the First Order. Or the constant pressure for duty in the Resistance. He felt like he could be a part of that, in a simple pair of trousers and a white T-shirt he could pass as one of the party goers and pretend, for just a selfish moment, that he was carefree.

A flash of red caught his attention and he turned his head, dismissing the previous heavy thoughts. The source of the vibrant color was enticing, the silky fabric of her crimson dress hugging all the right curves as the woman made her way to the opposite side of the bar. Skin glistened in the brighter lights from behind the bar. Two drinks were placed before her and he noticed she was accompanied by another woman, the pair clinking the glasses and gingerly sipping on the neon colored liquid.

Her friend whispered something in her ear and she turned towards him, piercing eyes meeting his for a split second, landing straight on him as if guided by some unknown force. It lasted but a moment, the two women giggling between them the next.

"Something caught your eye, Black Leader?" Poe let out a small sigh and shook his head ever so lightly. He was not supposed to answer and in fact, they were not supposed to use the channel at all, except for an emergency if the whole operation had turned out to be a trap. Chatting about a stranger in a bar did not sound like an emergency. Still, a silly smile played on his lips. How long had it been since he'd done something so... mundane, like going out drinking and meeting a woman who was not also his colleague in the resistance. "Heads up, she's coming your way."

Poe panicked for a moment. He was on a mission! Even if the chances of the informant coming were close to none and at that point and they were about to call it a day, he was still on duty. For about another 15 minutes maybe. The woman could spook the mole, or worse, get caught in some twisted First Order plot that made him waste time and credits in a bar on some nondescript outer planet... Ok, there was probably no evil plot and a beautiful woman was drawing closer.

"Hi. Mind if I sit?" She gestured to the stool beside him. Her voice was smooth and pleasant and she seemed to strain a bit to be heard over the noise. She was pretty, but there was something more to it, something in the way she stood tall and proud, those sharp eyes, playful and wise at the same time.

"I'd be a fool to refuse." Her smile widened and she sat gracefully on the cushion, his eyes immediately drawn to her backside. He snapped them back to her face, but the all-knowing smirk on her plush lips told him he did not go unnoticed.

"I'm Y/N." He reached to shake the outstretched hand, her skin soft against him, but she had a good grip, not as delicate as he'd imagined. His name passed his lips before he could think of an alias, or a reason to use one.

"Poe." He could almost hear Temmin's scoff on the other end of the comms, even if they hadn't been turned them on.

"Nice to meet you, Poe." She almost purred his name and he had to remind himself that they were on a Resistance mission. Focus! "Now tell me, who had the audacity to stand up a guy like you?" He raised an eyebrow, but before he could ask she continued. "I saw you coming in a while ago. Was mustering my courage to come over, but you looked like you were waiting for someone. Didn't want to cause any trouble." Somehow he doubted the last part. He couldn't place the mischievous little glint in her eyes.

"Not used to being the one to make the first move?"

"On the contrary. I've learned in life you have to seize what you desire." Her eyes traveled slowly across him, right hand playing with the rim of her glass.

"You risk someone else stealing it from right before your eyes. Like I'm doing right now, I suppose. Your date missed the chance, and here you are with me instead."

"Turned out in my favor I'd say." He let his own gaze wander, from the soft features o her face, down the curve of the neck and all the down her low cut of her dress, the valley between her breasts exposed to him.

"We shall see. We've barely met after all, but the night is young." It really wasn't that early anymore, midnight was just hours away. "Tell me about yourself, Poe."

"What would you like to know?"

"Are you a local? You don't look like it, though." There was that look in her eyes again, playful but observant, not letting anything escape her.

"I'm not, I'm from Yavin."

"Long way from home." He shrugged, sipping his drink to give himself time to find an excuse. He'd already given his real name, probably shouldn't follow with 'Resistance pilot' right after.

"I'm a freighter pilot."

"Ah, hauling goods across the galaxy. You must have seen so many place!" He was not expecting her to be so enthusiastic about it, but he welcomed the attention. For once someone was interested in just him, not the star pilot of the Resistance.

"You wouldn't believe half of them." She scooted over, or maybe he just thought she did, wished it so, but she felt closer nonetheless, lashes fluttering as she fixed him again with her eyes. Her voice was low, like they were sharing a secret, despite the music still blasting around them in the bar.

"Well, what it the strangest place you've seen?" He tried to quickly excluded some of the more famous ex-Empire location and obviously Resistance related ones, but truth was he'd only ever traveled for his work. It was fighting the First Order here and looking thought jedi sites there, endlessly searching for a trace of the Luke Skywalker, one day after the next, it was always related to the conflict between light and dark.

"Probably Telos. The sheer determination to build up a chunk of a planet just to keep it together... it was an impressive sight, motivating." She hummed nodding her head.

"I've always wanted to travel and see everything. So many different ecosystems, cultures, creatures... I get a little sad when I think I'm never going to be able to discover them all."

"You travel a lot then?"

"When the job allows me." She paused and bit her lower lip, drawing Poe's eyes like a magnet. "I'm a glorified errand girl, but I get away with some little excursions." She leaned a little closer still, he could see a faint scar right below her eyebrow, easily missed with a trick of the light. He could feel the genuine excitement in her voice. "I strayed a bit off course once to this planet in the Belderon sector, Lola Sayu. Don't think 've seen anything quite like it... half of it is missing, blown up ages ago, but the atmosphere formed around the missing part, encapsulating it. It made this giant ball, yellow and purple mashed together.

"The Belderon sector? What were doing all the way there?"

"Ok, ok, I strayed a lot off course, like a week maybe, but I just had too see it."

"Seize what you desire..."

"Exactly! We only have one life and we never know when it might end. I plan to make the most of it." Poe stared at the woman for a long moment. She was bright and smart and oh, so beautiful - it was more intoxication than his long forgotten drink. A mouthful of fresh water after days in the desert, her view of the world, simple but joyful, gave him a surge or energy, of hope. Temmin's voce in his ear was low, but the words were exactly what Poe needed to hear.

"You deserve a break, Poe. Our contact ain't coming and we are to leave only in the morning. See you at the ship tomorrow. Black Two, out."

He wasn't sure who leaned in first, but one moment her hand was on his thigh and the next his own hands were cradling her closer, pulling her off her stool and onto his lap. His senses were assaulted all at once, the loud music, the sweet taste of her mouth and the flowery perfume he hadn't notice before. Her lips were soft but the kiss was relentless, both devouring one another, her body pressed so close to his.

She smiled, a little curve of her lips that stirred things in him, that promised passion and a reckless abandonment, and took his hand to pull him along. He craved for more, more kisses, more skin, so he followed without a second thought. She skipped across the street and they hastily made their way to her room on the first floor, stealing kisses in the doorway and on the stairs.

He pressed her against the door as she was locking it, her ass pushing back deliciously. His mouth fell on her shoulder, hands going up her sides, slightly pulling on the fabric of the dress, making her body shiver in anticipation. The damn thing had to come off. Her arms lifted as if thinking the same, so he backed up and pulled the dress over her head with ease. His fingers traced the expanse of her back and hooked on her lace thong pulling it slightly. With a small gasp she turned, eyes dark with lust, only in heels and the flimsy little piece of red lace. Poe couldn't remember a time he had been more turned on.

He kneeled and lifted her leg over his shoulder with little warning. She gasped as his fingers traced the lace, already seeping wet and ready. The thong was pulled aside and his mouth was on her, sucking and biting eagerly, his tongue circling her bud, lapping at her flowing juices. She moaned loudly, her fingers twisting in his hair.

"Not fair..." She panted from above, but her hips bucked towards him. He smirked and pushes a finger inside her, then a second, lifting his head to look at her. She was gorgeous, ragged breaths and knees trembling as he pumped his fingers vigorously, thumb stroking her clit. The obscene sound of her moans and dripping pussy filled the small room, tantalizing. He got up, mouth clasping over a nipple and she arched her back pressing to him, head rolling back against the door as the walls clamped over his digits. Poe backed up barely an inch to look her in the eyes as he brought his fingers to his mouth, needing to taste her one more time. She let out a straggled breath, half sigh half moan and roughly pulled on his T-shirt. "Clothes off. Now."

"Yes ma'am." He was happy to oblige, his dick straining in his boxers, already damp with precum. His clothes flew off unceremoniously, their hands bumping as they both pulled on the fabric, rushed to unzip his pants and pull down his boxers. Hand on his chest, she backtracked him until his legs hit the bed then pushed him on it. Her hands traced up his legs, crawling in between them, eyes never leaving her prize as she laid kisses up his thighs, nails scraping at his skin, closer to where he needed her the most. He took hold of her upper arms and spun them around so she was caged beneath him.

"Not fair." She breathed out a moan as his dick rubbed against her folds. He wanted her, needed her like air.

"Next time."

"Deal." He pushed inside her in one swift move, rougher than he intended, but she let out the most erotic sound he's ever heard, a loud and lewd groan, ringing in his ears as her body purred. Her words slurred from her pretty little mouths in short breaths.

"Shit, Poe, you're driving me, insane." She had no idea what she was doing to him. His mouth was on hers again, drowning her moans as he rocked his hips, plummeting in her core. Her shaking arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer like her life depended on it. He hooked one arm beneath her knee and pulled her leg up, spreading even more, going even deeper. It was raw and desperate, passion in its purest form. Her nails dug at the skin on his back, his name chanted from her lips like a prayer as his rhythm turned merciless. Thank the gods he'd told her his real name. He buried his head in the crook of her neck, nipping and sucking at he tender flesh.

Her eyes rolled in back of her head and his entire body shook above her as her pussy milked his dick with greed, clamping around him like a vice. Their breaths mingled, their skin sleek with sweat, but tingling still. With the last sliver or power he had, Poe rolled on his back and pulled her with him, her leg slipping over his, her hand on his chest. He was still in a daze, but looking at her she was not better, eyes half closed and unfocused, her fingers drawing lazy patters on his chest. He remember bringing her hand to his lips before falling asleep.

He woke up first, Y/N still curled over him, hair sprawled on the pillow behind her. She had pulled a silky sheet over them some time after he passed out. He smiled, lips pressing gently on the top of head. He pulled her closer, almost not believing she was real. She stirred, letting out a contents little sigh, but didn't wake up.

Poe enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms a moment longer, his brows more furrowed by the second, his lips pressed in a thin line. He had to go soon and he didn't know when he would see her again. His hand trailed the smooth skin on her back, not wanting to leave the bed, taking in every detail of her beautiful face. When the sun had finally fully risen there was no more time left.

He went to collect his scattered clothes, his mind running a mile a minute, thinking of how to tell her he was actually in the Resistance, wondering his she will react to him lying about his work, about his identity, but most importantly if she would want to see him again. Gods, he hasn't even left her room yet and he was already dreaming of when he'd hold her in his arms next. Poe smiled, he felt like a teen again, the only care in the world the affection of his lover.

But the world was cruel and he was not a silly boy back on Yavin. He found his T-shirt thrown all the way near her side of the bed and as he bend down to retrieve it, the holopad on the nightstand beeped loudly three times before a robotic voice boomed in the small chamber, the dark figure projecting from it chilling his blood.

"Y/N, I assume the traitor has been dealt with already. You better be on the Supremacy when I arriver to continue our training. You have an hour." Poe's breath caught in his throat, his mind so overwhelmed it first went blank then exploded with the possibilities and implications. The idea that he'd spent the night with one of the First Order's top assets... Did he steal something off him? Had it been a trap?

His eyes fell on the holopad again, the blinking light showing she had a message. From fucking Kylo Ren! She was training with Leia's kid, she was dark side.

She was evil.

But she couldn't be, could she?

Poe was so lost in thought he didn't even hear her as she stretched in bed behind him, the yellow glint in her eyes catching in the morning sun as her gaze fell on him.

Chapter 2 >

#poe dameron x reader #Forbidden starfruit #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #seduction to the gray side #facfic #star wars #i need help

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wormofglass · 3 years

Text

oikawa headcannons!!

took sewing classes in middle school and never stopped

ALWAYS late on memes

like he’ll say something that was funny two months ago and start laughing at himself and then get awkward when everyone’s just staring at him blankly

you can’t tell me this man doesn’t have the prettiest stretch marks

goes way too far for christmas presents and everyone feels bad when they don’t get him something as thoughtful as he gave them

he loves wigs so much

found out that iwa has a skin care routine and sobbed for half an hour even though he was the one to recommend it to him

i KNOW he tried to make a youtube channel in middle school and people at school found it and he was so embarrassed he didn’t come to school for a whole week

made chocolate covered pretzels and brought them to practice to hand out after but they all melted in his bag

now he brings prepackaged snacks for everyone instead

decorates his room differently for every season of the year

“no iwa that’s for the SUMMER decor, i can’t have it out during SPRING”

checks the mirror 100 times before leaving the house everyday because yes he wants to look good but also feels like he NEEDS to look good and gets super bad anxiety about if he looks put together or not

collects snow globes and will play the music in them when stressed

tried to tell people he had powers when he was little with terrible magic tricks and about half his class believed him

said he liked doing puzzles once and hasn’t gotten anything else for christmas from his parents since

they have a closet in their house that’s just filled with puzzles

and he and iwa do them together while drinking tea and hot chocolate

loves being home alone so he can sing as loud as he wants

spam texts people when they don’t answer him within 5 minutes

then he feels bad about annoying them

has one of those old radios that he plays when he can’t fall asleep

his alarm clock is ocean sounds

constantly complaining about how his is the hottest room in the house

tells people he doesn’t believe in astrology...but we all know he has his and everyone he knows charts memorized

wants a flower tattoo

when he listens to music he will absolutely be acting out what’s happening in the song

#oikawa torū #oikawa #oikawa headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #Iwaizumi #hq oikawa

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pascalls · 4 years

Note

Huzzah! A romance prompt:

Hot Chocolate

I finally wrote something for this and it’s so dumb but I hope you all enjoy it. Featuring Charlie, Sam the Barfly, and Moe (and also Barney a little bit).

--------------------------

With the taste of malt liquor stale on his tongue, Charlie found himself coming back to consciousness, a musky scent filling his nose and making him want to gag. The greasy floor he was laying on was hard and uncomfortable, having left his bones aching and his back feeling like he’d just been hit by a car. His eyes opened, despite his brain not wanting to, and for once, he was thankful that the lighting in Moe’s was subpar, at best. The dusty interior was not an aggravated assault on the senses, but still, he would have liked to have woken up in a bed instead of on the hard tile.

“Ugh… What time is it,” he groaned, not yet sitting up, but at least trying to peer over to where Moe was hovering, lazily wiping down the bar top with an overused rag. There was no way it was morning yet. Or, at least, it wasn’t past sunrise. Otherwise Moe would be pouring vodka into his bowl of Froot Loops. It didn’t seem like he’d gone to bed yet.

“Two-thirty,” the bartender responded. He didn’t seem very bothered by the fact that Charlie had passed out on the floor. Not like it was the first time. As of late, the hybrid had a bad habit of finding some kind of substance, chasing it with his body weight in whiskey, and then promptly falling asleep before he could make it back to the reverend’s. “You slept with Barney.”

“I what-?!” Charlie exclaimed, pushing himself up, only to whack his head on the underside of the table he’d holed up under. His ears rang and he groaned again, reaching up to rub at his scalp. Ow.

“Oh. Hah. Sorry. I meant you fell asleep under the table next to Barney.”

Charlie glanced over to see that Moe was correct. Barney had somehow rolled off the bar stool he’d been sitting on a few hours prior, passing out unceremoniously underneath the large circular table that was neighbor to Charlie’s. The hybrid muttered to himself before eventually crawling out from under his sleeping spot, making his way over to the bar to sit and glaring at Moe.

“Don’t ever scare me like that ever again.”

They weren’t alone. While Barney had opted for a nap, Charlie recognized a few others still lingering in the wee hours of the morning. He assumed both Lenny and Carl had staggered home not too long ago, but both Larry and Sam remained, neither seeming to be very invested in their own consciousness. As was the usual. Charlie’s stare lingered for just a moment before Moe was pulling his attention back.

“You wanna nightcap?” He asked, already in the process of grabbing a nearby bottle which Charlie quickly refused. His stomach was churning a bit from his previous binge. He didn’t need to lose everything he’d eaten during the day on top of his splitting headache and exhaustion.

“No, m’fine. I should probably… go before somebody gets on my ass about not being where I need to be.”

“Alright, but you better not be drivin’.” Moe pointed at the hybrid with a squint; one that Charlie returned in kind.

“I don’t have a car.”

“I figured you’d steal one.”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

“Because that’s what I’d do.”

Rolling his eyes, Charlie scooted off the stool and made his way to the door, passing the other two men briefly and giving them a passing wave. He’d talked to the pair once or twice. They were wordier when they were drunk, but only just so. And somewhere in the back of his mind, Charlie reminded himself, that Sam knew a little more about Charlie by pure happenstance. Thankfully, he’d remained fairly quiet about that too.

Swinging open the door, Charlie took a few steps outside before he realized - a little too late - that rain was coming down fairly heavily. There was no wind to carry it in one direction or another, the drops simply pouring onto the pavement and soaking Charlie entirely. The hybrid stared dully into the distance. This might as well happen.

He didn’t move from where he was, just sort of standing there on the sidewalk and feeling his clothes get more and more soaked through. His brain didn’t seem to think that was much of an issue, but his feet refused to carry him in the direction of home. Instead, he continued to stare into nothingness, exhaustion - and a sudden heavy veil of listlessness - keeping him rooted to the spot. Somewhere along the line, he began to realize that his temperature was dropping. That was probably not good. He’d have to fix that before long.

“...You’re gettin’ all wet.”

The voice pulled him back to the present, turning and noticing that Sam and Larry had finally made their way out of Moe’s, presumably to retire for the night before they too passed out next to Barney. Larry was already walking away, his jacket collar pulled up in a fruitless effort to protect him from the rain. Sam, on the other hand, at least had an umbrella keeping him dry as he stared at Charlie with some manner of concern.

“...Uh. Yeah. I guess I am,” Charlie replied, blinking once or twice and then glancing down at himself. Hm. Well. Yeah. He was wet. Wow.

Sam glanced around briefly before taking a few steps over and placing the umbrella over the both of them. As he spoke, his words slurred, but Charlie didn’t notice over his own foggy state of mind. “You’re not some kinda marine iguana or somethin’ right? I think they like water. Saw it on uh… Mm… That… science… channel once.”

“National Geographic?” Charlie asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Nah…” Sam replied. “ESPN 2.”

The hybrid snorted in amusement. “No. I’m not a marine iguana. I’m just… really drunk, I think.” Among other things. He’d taken some mixture of pills that he would not recommend to anyone else. But they would make their way out of his system eventually. “Uh… Thanks. For the…” He gestured to the umbrella.

“Honestly, this weather ain’t great for walking. Y’think Moe’s got anything to eat in there?”

Charlie seemed to give that some thought. It was already the middle of the night. And if Lovejoy wasn’t blowing up his phone by now, the chances of him noticing any time before sunrise was slim. He hummed a little under his breath before shrugging. It was probably best he filled his stomach with something other than booze and pills.

“Let’s ask.”

Sam didn’t need much convincing himself before he moved to keep them marginally dry as they wandered back into the bar. Moe had been in the process of trying to roll Barney over with a broom so he could sweep up underneath him, but glanced up when the door opened again. Charlie shook the water from himself as best as he could, but it was to little avail. He’d probably just need to wait until he was dry.

Closing the umbrella, Sam tossed it against the wall near the door and settled himself back on the stool where he’d been before, Charlie scooting up and onto the one next to him. As long as Barney was passed out, the hybrid took some time to pull off his mask and other effects which were fairly soaked through, placing them on the stool next to him and breathing out a little sigh. Moe had seen him a few times by now. It seemed like more and more people knew what he looked like as time went on. At that particular moment, he couldn’t find it in him to care.

“Tell me you’ve got something to eat,” Charlie asked as Moe drifted back over, looking over the rain-soaked man with some scrutiny.

“I’ve got uh… Probably some Spam sitting around somewhere. Lemme look.”

“I’m having a hard time turning that down.” Charlie wasn’t going to be picky. And apparently, neither was Sam, as the man said nothing.

Moe disappeared in the back room for a time, clattering around among his shelves and god knew what else. Charlie watched as a roach slid out from the doorway and promptly disappeared into the nearest electrical socket. There was a little buzz, a hiss, and the roach did not re-emerge. The hybrid assumed that whatever it saw in the back room was heinous enough for the little bug to end it all.

“Well lookee here!” Moe proclaimed as he re-emerged, holding a half-empty jug of milk and a bottle of chocolate syrup that looked like it came from the 70’s. “It ain’t Spam, but it’s somethin’, huh? Check this out.”

“Chocolate milk?” Sam asked, staring at the bartender.

“Nah. Even better.” Moe brought over the ingredients, pouring the milk into a few glasses and squirting the chocolate… syrup (it looked more like sauce at this point) into it soon after. He then held up each mug in turn, using a lighter to heat up the bottom of the glass before plopping a few stale marshmallow Peeps that were sad and dull from their time spent hidden somewhere in the cabinets beneath the bar. Presumably from Easter. ...This past Easter, hopefully.

Pleased with himself, Moe offered two of the glasses to Charlie and Sam who stared at the brown concoction that was making short work of dissolving those Peeps into rainbow mush that floated at the top of the layer of milk. “See? Hot cocoa! PERFECT for them rainy days like this one.” As if to sell the mixture, he took a long swig of his own, choking back the drink with a few hacked coughs and then offering his two patrons a grimacing smile. “Eh? EH?!”

Charlie squinted down at his own before coming to the conclusion that… he really didn’t even care what he put into his own body at this point. And the chocolate DID smell at least a little enticing. So with a little glance at Sam and a shrug, he upended his own into his mouth. It was not great. In fact, one might even say that it was terrible. The milk was absolutely close to spoiling, if not already spoiled, and the Peeps floated around in his mouth in chunky bits. But he downed the drink dutifully. It was warm, if nothing else. And it’d keep him from drifting off into a hypothermic coma.

“...It’s great, Moe,” Charlie replied once he was able to say anything about it at all. A blatant lie, but the bartender was content with the review. The hybrid just hoped he wouldn’t put it on his ‘menu’ as a permanent addition.

“Uh… yeah. Really… great.” Sam added, having had a bit of a harder time with his own, but he too didn’t find it very necessary to spoil Moe’s spirits. But the two shared a knowing glance, watching as Moe, triumphant that he’d created something worthwhile for once in his life, scurried off to write down his ‘recipe’.

Charlie pushed his empty glass away, poking his tongue out a little in disgust. Egh. “We can never tell him.”

Sam did the same with his own, wishing that he’d just ordered another beer instead. “...Yeah, I’m on board with that.”

“And so the pact is sealed,” Charlie joked, reaching up with a hand to offer his pinky claw to the other. “I would say we should seal it in blood, but I’m already suffering with this aftertaste.”

Sam offered a little smirk before reaching up to hook his own pinky with Charle’s. “Takin’ it to the grave.”

Their hands remained touching for a few seconds, a delayed reaction only bringing Charlie’s back to himself after a prolonged met gaze, his eyes flicking away in mild embarrassment. He was drunk. They were both drunk. Reaching up, Charlie absently ran a hand through his hair to try and make it a little more… presentable. He wasn’t sure why.

Well. He wanted to pretend that he wasn’t sure why.

Moe’s return chased away the moment. He’d come back with more random ‘ingredients’ he’d found in the back storeroom.

Charlie and Sam gave a few little groans. Had Charlie known they’d be given the job as taste-testers, he might have just walked back to Lovejoy’s in the storm.

But… he wasn’t alone here. Even if he’d never get the taste of stale Peeps off his tongue, he at least felt content with the knowledge that there was a warmth keeping him from drifting too far into the cold loneliness of the rain.

Yeah. This was better.

#tj talk #tj writes #oc #simpsona #axe bosk #spooky-simp

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hithisischris · 4 years

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New Years debut DD

Happy belated (like really belated) NEW YEAR. I hope this year is prosperous for us all. Now I decided to do this the night of New Year’s Eve but I had no idea what to write I just know I wanted to write and I finally got some inspiration, anyway I hope you really like it!

————————————-———————————-

An official year since David and I met, it’s strange knowing that if Georgie hadn’t ended things with me two weeks before the new year, Maya would have never dragged my ass to that party.

“Babe what are you thinking of?” David’s soft voice brought me back to reality “I was just thinking of how we met, and how the fans won’t like me, they’ll think I’m not good enough for you. Which I’m not but you insist I am and that if I leave you, you’ll hunt me down even if it meant leaving the country and looking for me in Europe or something.” He chuckled at my rambling and grabbed my hand, god his hands; they are always so warm and soft. “Y/n you’re gonna be okay, they’ll love you. And if they don’t then why should we care what they think when we love one another” he rubbed circles on my hand and kissed my forehead. “We will get through this together I promise you.” I nodded and looked up at the set up camera. “Are you ready to start recording?” this end of the year David decided to actually do something the first half of the day, later on we will be going out with the rest of our friends so he can get some footage but right now he decided to do the Girlfriend Tag video for his second channel to finally tell his fans about us. I nodded and smiled at him. He leaned down to me and kissed my lips softly.

I was out of the camera view as he introduced the video “alright welcome back to my second channel, this video is gonna be different. It won’t me any bloopers but you guys will love this video-” he did his big dimple smile and glanced at me from behind the camera, my heart was pounding, I fear that maybe the camera could hear it pounding out of my body. I smiled at him even though I was nervous.

“-today I will be introducing you to someone who has become very important to me for the past year-” he signaled me to come out from behind the camera and sit next to him. “-guys this is my very pretty girlfriend y/n and we will be doing the girlfriend/boyfriend tag” I smiled at the camera and he interlocked our hands. “Okay, y/n do you want to start or shall I?” I thought it over, my voice felt like it had dried out. Was the even possible? Could your voice dry out from nerves. Gosh this is why I was never in the vlogs the camera always made me feel like I was being investigated for something, its why David asked me a million times if I was okay with actually making this video and to be honest I was but I still feel like a frog in a laboratory. “Yeah I guess I’ll start” my voice came out scratchy he nodded and went to grab the dry erase boards we’d use to write down our answers. I grabbed my phone which was where we had decided to write all of our questions “okay so hmmmmm the first question is, where was our first date” we immediately wrote down our answers, it was Applebee’s. We showed the camera our answers and then I spoke again “you are right-” I looked at the camera and said, grinning, “David had gotten Natalie to rent it for two hours so we could have a private first date, I had chosen the location because I was honestly craving their fries and didn’t want it to be over the top.” He nodded along with me “yeah it’s true her first words to me were ‘you have no idea how badly I’ve been craving to come eat here’” he laughed at the memory and unlocked his phone to ask a question “hmph I need a hard one-” I laughed at that and my nerves were no longer at bay, it was just like any other time between just with a camera. “-when did you meet my family” he looked at me then the camera and started to write his answer, “doofus you said a hard one, I met them when you made a deal with Ilya that if you could find him, he would have to go with you to Miami” he reveled his answer and after the question it had started to just go back and forth until his last question.

“Okay last question for this video, when and his did we meet?” He smiled at the memory and I smiled at it too, I looked at the camera “we met last year on New Year’s Eve at this party Dom was throwing, my ex had just ended things with me after revealing he’d been cheating on me for a couple months. This happened two weeks before Christmas~” (memory)

“God y/n I have been cheating on you for the past five months, I don’t love you anymore and to be honest I don’t think I have for a while now” my face was hot and teary I couldn’t believe this, all I could think of was how naive I had been and if I could return his Christmas present. After he said that I vividly heard the door of my apartment slam. My friend maya found me on the couch looking up at the ceiling, the tears were already dried but it was obvious I had been crying. “I’m gonna cut the balls off that piece of shit.” I glanced at her and snorted, she hugged me to sleep that night. Maya had been coming over every night after that, she’d make sure I was eating and drinking plenty of water. She hasn’t pushed me into leaving the house and I was thankful but after Christmas came around she decided that I should leave the house. “Okay come on y/n we are done moping and thinking of that selfish jerk. Kayla heard of this party on New Year’s Eve and it’s supposed to be super fun so we are going” I smiled at her and was greatful I had her so I nodded my head and as the night of New Year’s Eve neared she already had a dress picked out for me.

“Okay so have your phone on you on all times just in case we get separated, do not fucking hesitate to tell me if you want to leave. And lastly, are you sure you want to go out we could stay home and watch Boy Meets World on Disney+” I nodded and giggled at her “yes I am sure Maya, now let’s go before Kayla starts spamming you with messages” she snorted and grabbed we made our way downstairs once we got the notification that our Uber arrived. When we had arrived the party was in full blast the stench of weed and the beat of the music could be heard/smelled from down the hall. We made our way into the kitchen looking for drinks “where the fuck are the beers in this place” Maya shouted as we entered the small kitchen “they are in the cooler by the counter” we heard a voice behind us, maya said a quick thanks and grabbed two, I glanced to see who had given us the answer, “you look familiar” I said, maya turned around at my voice and looked at the guy in front of me “holy shut he does” he chuckled and was gonna respond to us when it clicked “youre that guy that dated that girl from that one show, Ohmygod I’m not gonna get this out of my head till I get it. What was her nameeee” Maya opened our beers handing me my bottle, the guy looked at us with excitement and curiousity “holy shit it was Cierra Remirez!” He let out a laugh and nodded. “Yep that’s my ex” he said it with a hand rubbing his neck “my name is Jeff, what are your names?” He seemed to be interested in Maya as he kept glancing at her, I giggled and said “I’m y/n this is Maya” he shook my hand and then mayas shaking her hand a little longer. “So what are you doing in an ordinary party like this I thought you hung out with that guy, what’s his name?” He grinned and finished my sentence “David Dobrik.” I nodded my head. I had heard of his name here and there and knew what he did to get famous but I had never really watched his YouTube videos. “Well he needs his new year montage so he got Dom to throw this party and here we are” I nodded and for a while we made small conversation until I felt like I was third wheeling and said “I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick” I glanced at both of them so Maya would get the message of swiping him off his feet, it took me a couple minutes to find the bathroom and once inside I just opened my phone to scroll mindlessly on Instagram I hadn’t known how long I was in the bathroom for until someone opened the door and slipped inside my instincts went on high alert and looked for something Incase I needed to defend myself with. “Uhm excuse me?” The guy in front of me hadn’t noticed me, he had a camera and his forehead leaning against the door he seemed startled at the sound of me voice “holy shit I didn’t know someone was in here-” he quickly turned around “-I’m,,I’m sorry I should have knocked” his cheeks redend slightly, he was cute his hair in shambles and his eyes were captivating. “It’s totally fine I should have closed the door” it became quite the only sound heard was the beat of the music. “I’m David by the way” he extended his hand I had let my guard down feeling at ease with him “y/n. I think I just met your friend Jeff” he looked at little disappointed “so you’re a fan?” I shook my head “no I’ve heard your name before but I have not watched one of your videos” he smirked “that’s a first” he said.

(end of memory)“~after that we stayed in the bathroom sitting uncomfortably in the tub where he made a joke we’d probably catch a disease and forced me to watch a couple of his videos” David laughed “that is so not true I didn’t force you to watch them I said sorry since you’ve never watched any wanna watch a couple of them’ and you said yes” I shook my head “no you said you’d pay me to watch a couple videos and I was like no that’s dumb” he rolled his eyes but didn’t say another word just looked at me and started to smile “we should end the video.” I whispered to which he nodded “alright guys so that was the last question, I hope you guys enjoyed the video from now on you’ll be seeing this pretty lady in all my videos” I shook my head at his statement “well okay not all but I’ll try and get her warmed up for the camera” he gave his last dimple smile at the camera and turned it off.

“Ohmygod I can’t believe that took us two hours, how do you do that every day?” He laughed at my question “well usually I have more fun people to do this with” I immediately pouted and said “I’m hurt you’d say such a thing, I’m not talking to you anymore. You no longer get kisses” he laughed and tried to bring me closer to him I put all my weight to not move and shook my head “I won’t forgive you till you apologize” my face was breaking out into a smile as David kept trying to pull me towards him. He began sitting closer to me his hand resting on my waist “I’m sorryyyy now give me some sugar” I scoffed and glared at him, he pouted “you are the biggest clown I know” “oh so now I’m a clown” I began to laugh and start leaning into him. When I was centimeters from his lips I said “you should start editing if you want to get the video up” and got up to get some water from the kitchen he looked stumped and said “you are an evil person” I laughed and waved a soft bye as he got his laptop and started to work on the video.

An hour and a half had past since he started editing and I was casually watching Criminal Minds “andddd done” David said coming out of his room, I glanced back at him and smiled he sat down next to me and kissed my lips eagerly making up for the tease I gave him earlier. After a minute he stopped and got his phone out, opening Instagram he posted a photo of us a heart for a caption and tagged me. After he posted it he left his phone and leaned his head on my legs falling asleep as I rubbed his hair getting some energy before having to go out for the vlog.

Maya was one of the first people to text me with a screenshot of his post “fucking finally❤️” her message read, looking at the photo it had been the first photo we had taken in the uncomfortable tub with probable diseases. His dimpled smile and my own who had finally been at ease.

#david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik smut #david dobrik imagine

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the-nope-train · 3 years

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i’m gonna vent bc i feel like no one will see this anyway... i will title this “i hate long distance” and also “i hate people who can’t take responsibility for something they know they did wrong”

so basically my LDR boyfriend is really good friends with my ex-friend...

we’re all a distance from each other and i introduced her to all of my friends in my discord server and apparently my boyfriend and her got along really well.

they ended up playing a few games together and listening to music together for hours in my discord chat which kinda bothered me at the time and what felt bad about it is he was so invested in everything she was saying whereas he’s literally told me he doesn’t care about something i said or he just says “oh” and sends a shrugging emote. i’ve told him before that when he says he doesn’t care it’s hurtful, so he stopped, but i recall him saying, “i’m not going to say i don’t care because you’ll get mad,” just to imply that, yeah, he didn’t care. don’t get me wrong, he’s not always saying it, but he doesn’t ask what’s going on in my life anymore.

anyway, that night, i told him like hey i just kind of feel like u don’t care. i didn’t mention my friend because i didn’t want it to seem like i was just jealous; it was genuinely an ongoing issue and that was my breaking point. well... he got mad ignored me for 3 days instead.

in that 3 days, he spent more time with my ‘friend’ and she told someone that they had played animal crossing for 6 hours while listening to music together in HER server that she made. a server she didn’t invite me to. she actually made two of those, by the way. what was weird about it is she deleted a whole channel with them talking together and no one saw what they talked about. she claimed the reason was that it was just spam messages.

so i confronted her the next day and was like hey it just feels kind of weird that ur spending so much time with him and not once did u check on me (she was told by 3 different people that i was really upset about everything) and i was like “it would just be nice if u were more open about it” and she agreed and said she’d stop talking to him until things were okay between us. she tried to say she wouldn’t be his friend anymore, but i told her that i want them to be friends, but that i want her to be transparent about their friendship. the next day, my bf (who still wasn’t talking to me) was in my discord chat listening to music and she immediately started texting him in the channel and then that night my friend sent me a screenshot of them talking and she was asking my bf to play games w her again and he said something about his sleep schedule being messed up and she said “i hope it’s not my fault” and he goes “yeah i’ll blame you” and that also made me really upset bc she wasn’t even following through with what she told me hahahaha

so, i just unfriended her. i talked to my bf about everything and he took her side (of course) and was saying i owed her an explanation. he said she doesn’t think she did anything wrong and that she did what i asked (no, she didn’t). so, a week later, i gave her an explanation. i wrote a page and a half of everything that went through my mind and she said, and i quote, “i don’t think i’m a good influence on either of you, but i’m still going to spend time with him, and i’m not going to apologize because i didn’t intend for any of this to happen. i think your reason for being upset is crazy and i don’t trust you on my social media anymore. i don’t intend on getting close to either of you though. i think you’re just upset because he didn’t talk to you and talked to me instead.” the best part of this was when she said “i don’t think i have to tell you when or if i spend time with him.” okay, sure. spend all night talking to my boyfriend while he ignores me, when you’re supposed to be MY friend. yeah, that’s cool. anyway, she then proceeded to unfriend everyone from my server, except my boyfriend, and i have since blocked her.

my boyfriend showed me a screenshot yesterday of his discord and the only other chat was her and some other person he met through her. so, i know they still talk quite a bit. i’ve noticed recently he’s been using emotes she uses a lot and once ‘accidentally’ sent me a text that i know was meant for her (it was regarding art, which is what she lives and breathes). i also noticed that he follows her on instagram now. so much for not getting close to him i guess??

ever since this happened, my boyfriend has been extremely distant. he’s always spending time alone. he doesn’t say i love you. he doesn’t show affection. says “maybe” or flat out says no to doing things together. i confronted him about this too and all he says is “i’m just like this, you get accustomed to a lot of attention in the beginning and then i focus on myself.” he didn’t have much to add because apparently i was laying out too much for him and it was giving him “a headache” trying to tackle every issue i brought up. he said it’s valid and that he understands how it would hurt me, but that it’s just how he is and that he can’t help some things (ex. he can’t call me anymore because it’s hard to do that living in a small apartment with parents, which is fair). but... after that discussion, he literally didn’t talk to me for FOUR days and claimed it was because he’d be sleeping off and on. i told him... i saw you online? he said that he just leaves discord open. that’s funny, i didn’t know discord statuses could change themselves. he said that if it mattered so much that i could’ve just messaged him again and ask him myself. i asked him why i’d do that if the last time something like that happened he ignored me. he asked what i wanted, and i went to town talking about how he needs to be as good at communicating as he expects me to be, and i went on and on. all he did was say “okay.” bullshit.

i don’t get why he needs more time alone when we’re already miles apart and don’t even do half the things we used to together. we’d spend all day watching movies, shows, videos, calling each other, playing games, drawing, telling stories... and now it’s hard to even have any real conversation with him. yesterday i asked if he’d be interested in watching this movie with me and he said no. i cried. i don’t even know why i cried. but i realized... it’s because if it were the person he was, he’d have said yes and said “anytime.” but he won’t do that anymore. not for me.

it’s worse that one of the servers my ex-friend made was for minecraft and i’d been asking him so much to play with me and we only played once together and he’s been avoiding it ever since. he just doesn’t want to play it with me. and i KNOW it’s not because he doesn’t like minecraft anymore bc he’d tell me when he was playing by himself. so it’s either he likes to play with her or he likes to play by himself, maybe? i know that’s not even a big deal but jesus fuck

i’ve been drowning in sorrow for the past two months over this. and yet, i don’t let go.

#it's about a relationship it's gross yeah

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cwmoonglum · 3 years

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The Atomic Death of the Moon

20/05/07 – The Moon is on Fire. Atomic death pours from the skies. Sneaking onto the family computer at 7.30am per my orders, I find my email inbox flooded with furious diplomatic cables. My real life friend, fresh from holding Stalinist show trials of those who objected to a recently ratified treaty, is facing fresh calls to resign. In the parlance of the day; the moon is closed.

In 2007, adolescence was being revolutionised by access to an internet much more anarchic than today's. Youtube was only two years old, music was something to be downloaded illegally via megaupload and imageboards proliferated. Within a year 'Anonymous' would announce its opposition to Scientology in the much touted Project Chanology; a celebrated mainstream debut that often overshadows its precursor events. Anonymous – a loose alliance of mainly teenagers drawn from across the constellation of imageboards – had been conducting 'raids' for years prior to Chanology. From the occupation of Habbo Hotel with offensive statements and racial caricatures to the scripting of endlessly self-replicating cubes and storms of horse dicks that would crash Second Life servers, the absurd and often cruel humour of the group was stamped across the internet. Anonymous were the degraded Situationists of the commercialising internet, squeezing jouissance from the newly colliding social groups of odd hobbyists, lonely eccentrics and baffled normies.

youtube

With widening internet access yet many people connecting via low powered computers, a market emerged for browser games. In these, roleplaying and metagaming were as compelling as in narrative games. One such game that persists today,Cyber Nations, found itself targeted by Anonymous. A political simulation game where players controlled their own nations, the gameplay was itself was fairly monotonous, but the wider system of alliance forming resulted in elaborate treaties, wars and diplomacy that was truly gripping. On Cyber Nations, Anonymous went under the banner of /b/ (named for the 'random' board on, amongst others, 4chan), and spent 7 months growing itself. With a loose governing structure, /b/ existed mostly on the sidelines before it was dragged into Great War III, a multi-faction conflict that was to have been non-nuclear. However, two rogue actors within /b/ launched nuclear weapons, causing both the mass of members to follow suit and the nominal leader of the alliance, Furseiseki, to disband it. Now pariahs, /b/ spammed the Cyber Nations forums with all manner of shock images to disrupt the game, culminating in a DDoS attack and hack where the home page was defaced and the game's source code stolen. Cyber Nations was down for a number of days, and upon restart my own nation, designated as part of /b/, was stomped into the ground by furious players. The 'disbandment' section on /b/'s official channels read 'many lulz were had, but now we're off TO THE MOON.' Opened to public beta in February 2007, Lunar Wars was a political simulation game that took the broad strokes of Cyber Nations and refined them. Developed by Alessandro Bassi ('Sandro') as a way to teach himself web development, it swiftly attracted players, and offered a new theatre for Anonymous following the dissolution of /b/. I joined up as a junior diplomat for the Elitist Lunar Superstructure on 18/04/07.

The ELS was more disciplined than /b/ from the start. Allied nations were assigned squads to cooperate and trade within, and all announcements were handled through the ELS forum and emailed to members. A greasemonkey script (in 2007, we all used Firefox) was thrown together to assist players. Guides on increasing power quickly were disseminated. Notably two of the admin/developers for the game, skaladis and owl, were ELS members and the recruitment drive across various imageboards was persistent. The IRC channel was anarchic as usual, but diplomats and the leadership convened within a private channel to guide policy. Eph, the alliance leader, designated myself and select others to open lines of communication with smaller groups within the game. Of course, enemies from the days of Cyber Nations had come to the moon. It seems strange now that 4chan is so identified with reactionary politics, but in these games Anonymous enjoyed bullying the sad little men who named their nations things like 'Wolf Reich ov Iron' and roleplayed as Nazis in their alliances. In Great War III, /b/ had been opposed to Nordreich ('German Nationalists'), and FAN (Federation of Armed Nations), and these groups reemerged on the moon. Leftwing alliances like the Red and Black Block or Union of Lunar Socialist States (ULSS) tried to combat the Nazis on the moon, but the appeal of roleplaying internecine Left political conflicts was limited. To actually wield power capable of slapping down the fascists often meant joining with apolitical, carnivalesque groups like Anonymous. As fun as dunking on fascist cosplay was, however, the real enemy was FARK.

In the ecosystem of the 2007 internet, imageboards were not the only hangout. There were also humour sites like YTMND (You're the Man Now Dog), Something Awful and FARK. The content filtered through to everyone, but allegiance to any one site was performatively over the top. It was as good an excuse as any for enmity.

As a junior diplomat for ELS, I handled treaties with various smaller alliances, most notably the aforementioned ULSS which had been captured by my friend in early May 2007. The tension was mounting palpably across the lunar community as treaties were signed and mutual defence agreements entered into. Something like the network of alliances that ensured the nightmare of World War I was formed, overseen entirely by spotty teenagers and shitposting idiots. Notably GOONS, formed by SomethingAwful forum members, had joined with ELS; FARK was left out in the cold, and allied with FAN. On the night of 19th May 2007 as I stretched my allowed time on the family computer, diplomatic channels became frantic as spies within IRC channels let FARK/FAN know of a planned attack, per ELS internal communications;

GOONS is likely to be attacking FAN within 48 hours. We will receive target lists of anyone GOONS has trouble with. Do not fire counter offensives on FAN unless necessary (problematic targets, etc.)

FARK retaliated by launching the SHIT HITS THE FAN war, beginning perhaps ten minutes after my parents told me to turn the computer off and go to bed. Tossing and turning, I considered diplomatic avenues to strengthen the ELS cause. However as I finally fell into an uneasy sleep the metagame overtook the roleplaying.

For a while now Sandro had been teasing the existence of Galava, a new, more complex browser game with a medieval setting that further developed the gameplay of Lunar Wars. Given that the moon had only been open for a few short months, the kids who had wasted the back half of their school year building alliances on it were grumbling that Lunar Wars was being abandoned before it had even exited beta. The two ELS-allied admin/developers, skaladis and owl were similarly irritated. According to a post by Arciel, head admin of the Lunar Wars forums;

owl had not only given herself nukes; she had given herself and ELS members 9001 nukes each, in reference to a meme. The balance of the game was completely upended; by the time I awoke and booted up the dusty Dell in the spare room Sandro had locked the game. In private conference, Eph and the leadership decided to disband ELS. I was appointed interim Chief Ambassador for the continuity faction, but within a scant few hours I had come around to the joke. Emails continued to go out to rally the faction, but Anonymous' attention, and my own, was shifting elsewhere. The next time I encountered the group, the kids who shut down Habbo Hotel were going up against Scientology.

My friend lost his leadership position in the ULSS after the coup he helped lead was put down. He's involved in actual Leftist politics now, though he's not a Stalinist. In October 2007 Galava was released, and I received an email via the ELS list;

I didn't join. The internet got less wild, more scary. Megaupload was taken down in 2012 and Anonymous initiated a DDoS attack on Universal Music Group. 'Youtuber' became a job, and 4chan birthed the alt right. Both Galava and Lunar Wars continued until October 2009. For me and many others, though, it ended in the atomic fire of 9001 hacked nukes. Anything else was epilogue. The tribute page for Lunar Wars sums it up perfectly;

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thethousandyearwitch · 4 years

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The Show Must Go On! - A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 2

FF.net link - AO3 link

Gon Freecs had started his twitch account mostly for fun. After he had saved enough of his money from summer jobs to afford a computer for himself, the young boy had discovered the vast world of video games, diving headfirst into whatever flash games or free steam games he could (Until Mito caved and gave him some redeemable online gift cards as a present). Pretty quickly he started making connections over some of those games, getting invited to discord groupchats, and developing friendships with people he’d frequently play with.

One Day, his friend Leorio, a medical student from France who Gon had met through one of those groupchats, asked if he wanted to join his Sunday Stream. He explained that they’d just team up for a couple of rounds of Fortnite, and Gon could leave whenever he wanted to if he ended up not liking the Twitch experience. Leorio did not admit to the fact that he only asked Gon because his usual partner bailed due to a bad hangover, and he himself was too hungover to manage a stream by himself. This resulted in a lively evening filled with banter, excited yelling, and only minor technical difficulties considering Gons location further out in the country. Leorio ended the stream, thanking his viewers, signing off, but he stayed on call with Gon.

“Thanks so much for jumping in today, I owe you!” His French accent wasn’t too thick, but it still curled around his words.

“Its no problem! It was actually pretty fun, so if you ever need another stream-pal...” The young boy trailed off as he started to feel faint traces of sleepiness creeping up on him. His computer screen was the only light on in the room, and it wasn’t exactly gentle on his eyes.

“About that actually; Have you thought about trying to stream for yourself?”

“Huh?” Gon could hear the tell-tale creaking of Leorios chair as he reclined back. “I mean, you’ve definitely got the energy for it, you’re not half bad at playing video games; Though that’s not really a requirement...Point is, I think you’d have fun with it.” Gon let the thought of it roll around his mind like a marble. He did have a lot of fun livestreaming this once, and there wasn’t anything that exactly spoke against it, except maybe that his sleep schedule could suffer under it. But that may as well be expected of a boy his age.

“Do you think people would really come to watch me play video games?” He finally asked, voice lined more with curiosity rather than insecurity. “Are you kidding? My chat loved you! Everyone loves a cute kid whose always one victory royale away from changing his legal name into his gamer tag and develop an addiction to monster energy.” Gon giggled in reply, “I’m not even allowed to drink those.” “Thank God you aren’t, if you had any more energy than you already have, you’d probably explode on the spot. Those things are loaded with junk anyways.” Gon decided not to bring up the infamous Redbull-pyramid that always lingered in the corner of Leorios videos. He could always use that another time if Leorio tried to lecture him about healthy living habits.

“Well, I guess I could try it out this week…But I think I’d need a guide to help me set the whole thing up…” Gon grinned to himself, hearing the familiar creaking again as Leorio sat up straight on the other end.

“I mean, I did say I owe you, and who would I be to leave a kid struggling with modern technology. And since my chat seemed to love you, I may even host your first stream, get you some exposure, y’know?” Mission success, Gon fed into Leorios ego and ensured that he wouldn’t have to struggle with stream setup by himself. He was quite thankful for the older mans (by stretch of that word) help and friendship, almost like an older brother, switching between caring protectiveness and friendly torment.

“Now, isn’t it time for you to get some shut-eye?” Busted. Gon glanced at the clock in the corner of his screen, 12:13 am. They said their Goodbyes, and the young boy settled into bed almost as quickly as he fell asleep.

The coming week, as promised, Leorio had helped Gon figure out his stream setup, settling for his channel name ‘Foxbeargaming’. With each passing day and conversation about the topic, Gon felt the static inside him build up, excitement and anticipation mixing in his bloodstream, until that long-awaited Friday.

And it was worth that wait. Gon spend a good 3 hours that day streaming Fortnite, at first in Teams with Leorio and his usual stream-pal Zepile, and later a few single matches. He hadn’t even realized how easy it came to him to interact with chat, leisurely talking about what came to mind, joking about events in the game, and just basking in this new way of releasing his bubbly energy. Leorio had warned him that he may feel exhausted after the first stream, but that’s not at all what the young boy experienced; After turning everything off, he was still beaming with joy. When he nestled into bed, he curled to his side, trying to repress his smile, though it would still take a good hour before he had calmed down enough to drift to sleep.

That joy he had experienced was enough to drive him to continue to stream at least once every 5 days, not consistent enough to build a schedule, but often enough to slowly gather a fanbase, loyal viewers who started tuning in whenever he announced a stream. It took a couple of months before people started posting his stream highlights to YouTube, and after that only a few weeks before someone offered to do official edits for him, on his own YouTube channel. A YouTube channel ended up drawing even more attention to him, people in Twitch-chat mentioning they found him through compilations and highlights.

Of the people whose attention was caught by the bright faced boy, one appeared for the first time in chat while he was streaming Super Mario 64, a palate cleanser from his usual Fortnite streams. The first message had been inconspicuous enough, provoking, but not too much out of the ordinary.

“KilCat666: try a BLJ lol”

This however prompted Gon's entire chat to egg him on to try various speedrun tactics, until the rest of the stream was spent attempting (and failing) a “Lobby Backwards Long Jump”. Gon took it well and promised chat that if they wanted to he’d try to practice again on the next stream, asking for tips in his Discord chat. Speedrunning wasn’t really his way of playing games, he was too impatient and would rather experience the game as intended, but it shook things up, and was a surprisingly great way to regain focus after playing a different game for too long. Soon enough, the Server started bubbling with tutorials, tips, and heated discussions about optimal routes. Gon read through the chat, enjoying how everyone seemed to get into the topic, while also mourning his dwindling attention span as more and more messages came in. With the overflow of information, his brain felt like it was thrown into a deep fryer (Though maybe he was just hungry). Defeated, he dropped his head on his desk. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew. How was he supposed to take all this information in and actually learn it in time for the next stream? This was worse than school. Maybe he should ju-

Bloop.

Gon raised his head from his desk, greeted by a new private message. It wasn’t anyone from his friends-list, but that wasn’t too unusual, a lot of people from his Server would DM him, and he didn’t mind talking with anyone who had something to say to him.

“Kil: Yo.”

“Kil: do you need like help with SM64 lol”

The young boy adjusted his tired eyes to the screen, trying to find recognition into the profile picture of a white cat, but not finding it.

“GON: Hi!! :^D I’m taking tips right now if you have any!”

“Kil: your inputs were really sloppy lol”

Ouch, though true.

“Kil: but you’ve got morale at least”

“Kil: I made a short guide on my channel, if u wanna check it out?”

Attached to the last message was a link to a YouTube video, and just as announced, it was a eight minute tutorial on “LBLJ”, with text overlay explaining the various steps. What stood out more to Gon however, was the view and subscriber count to the Channel ‘Kilcat666’. After scrolling through the channel a bit more, and following another link to an adjacent Twitch channel with the same name, it dawned on him; This guy was a pro.

“GON: WOW :^O you are really good at this!!!!”

For a while, Gon thought that’s it. He browsed through a couple more of this kid’s videos. He was usually just referred to as ‘Kil’ or in rare instances ‘Killu’, and there wasn’t much on him as a person, just a short bio: “Kil, 14, him/his, Yorkshire area. SM64 0 Star contender.”. His streams of attempting to break the World record for any given game got a reasonable amount of viewers, with a steady fanbase that would spam inside jokes and cat emojis in chat. And in no single video did he ever show his face, or even speak. The only real communication he seemed to do with his audience was the occasional answer in chat, or text-overlays in his YouTube videos. Gon thought about how he was a little honoured to have another well known streamer actually give him advice and watch his stuff, though obviously it seemed that Kil wasn’t interested in keeping more in conta-

Bloop.

“Kil: Thanks uh, if you’d want to, we could like make a deal?”

“GON: What kind of deal? :^O”

“Kil: I could show you some tricks for casual speedrunning”

“Kil: And maybe if you want to you could show me how to get better at fortnite lol”

Gon was beaming. He wasn’t sure why, but he was grinning from ear to ear, and it didn’t even register to himself that he was already typing up a response until he hit the enter button.

“GON: Sure!!!!!! :^D!!!! Have you ever played before? We can team up with a friend of mine for the first couple rounds!”

Killua was never a child with many friends. Or any friends. Growing up sheltered by his family, with the mindset of one day inheriting a multimillion-dollar company, it was taught to him that acquaintances were convenient, friends were distractions.

When he got pulled out of school and put into home-schooling, it was because his friends at school were distractions.

When he snuck out to play with other kids in the country, he was placed on supervised house arrest, because he had been too distracted.

When he noticed his brother appearing in some weirdos YouTube video, he had to be told “That man is not my friend, he is a work associate.”

And like a drop of water can gradually tear through stone, the constant echoing of this rule tore through Killuas head. He still didn’t want to overtake the family legacy, but he knew better than to endanger others with his efforts of finding friendship. Instead, he decided to find solitary distractions, and found those in video games he first borrowed (or rather, took without being noticed) from his older brother. Gradually, he got more and more invested in video games, how they work, and the cultures surrounding them. That is how he found out about Speedrunning and streaming. Speedrunning was fascinating to the young boy. The effort to clear a game as fast as possible, faster than anyone else, past all supposed limitations a game would present casual players with. Specific tricks would look messy and incoherent to untrained eyes, but the hidden inputs were mechanical and exact. This is a distraction worth investing in.

At first, he didn’t care much about streaming or even recording his attempts. However, as he was slowly approaching Regional and World Records, there was hardly a way around it if he wanted to get verified records published. So, he started a Twitch Account, opting to go for his shortened name “Kil”, a half-assed attempt at keeping his family off of his tail. And as his collection of Top-3 Records grew, so did his audience when he was streaming attempts. When he got used enough to a game, he learned how to read chat while playing, even occasionally taking the time to answer questions, followed by a wave of excited cat emotes.

These are not friends, they are fans.

If he could continue to justify this, keep these people at a distance from him, it would be fine. Minimal interaction. No attachment. Easy enough.

It should have been easy enough.

But when he went through active play sessions of Super Mario 64 on Twitch, and he chose to tune into the first stream that popped up, it stopped being easy. It stopped being easy when he found himself laughing along with the cheery voice of the young streamer.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he sent that first discord message. A small part of him hoped that this Gon kid wouldn’t reply. That way he could have just written him off as some vain lowtier streamer who isn’t worth Killuas time.

But of course he replied. And of course he would reply so kindly despite being contacted by a random stranger. Killua could feel something pull in his chest writing back and forth with Gon. This was just friendly- no. This was normal banter between two streamers who were exchanging helpful information. Two young, up-and-coming professionals in video game streaming, who can communicate like professionals.

Like work associates.

Work associates help each other out. They make deals. So, it would be okay if Killua would make a deal with Gon. Maybe get to know him in the progress, just a little, just enough to get a sense of his personality.

The pull in Killuas chest subsided when Gon agreed to his deal. But it would come back the first time they were on a call together, the first time Killua let someone else online hear his voice, hushed through a shitty in-ear cable headset, careful that he wouldn’t draw attention if someone were to walk past his room. And it subsided again when he heard Gon laugh at every bad joke he’d tell, loosened even more when he let himself laugh with him. Gon would try his best to follow any instructions he’d been given to learn speedrun strategies, and in turn Killua would let himself be guided through fortnite battles and aim-lessons. They worked well together, as if they had known each other for years, falling into a natural rhythm of jokes and casual conversation. This rhythm would continue for weeks, always coordinating when to call, taking turns with the games they would play.

Slowly, they started branching out to more games to play with each other. Slowly, Gon introduced Killua to his friends. Slowly, Killua got used to speaking on stream, just so Gon and he could guest-star on each other’s streams.

Through this gradual process, Killua felt like he was trapped in a pot of water, and the heat was being turned up just slow enough that he wouldn’t notice until its too late. Until the pull in his chest would threaten to tear him apart.

And then it did, as his mother raised her voice at the breakfast table, “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time on your Computer, Killua.”

“So is Milluki.” He tried to keep his voice unwavering, desperately trying to keep all of these gathered secrets behind it.

“We are just concerned of what you are doing on there; The internet has a lot of dangerous sides..” Kikyo Zoldyck was awfully good at turning her voice into a wail at any given time. Killua could feel his phone in his pocket vibrate from what he was sure was a message from Gon.

“..Maybe we should put some restriction on your use of it. Before it can start distracting you.”

#hisoillu #killugon #Hunter X Hunter #fanfiction #hxh fanfic

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doll-gloss · 4 years

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This year is coming to a close,

and, truthfully, I usually don't like to think about it. I usually try not to even acknowledge it. The passage of time is, admittedly, a bit of a daunting thing for me to think about more often than not. But whether I continue to sugar coat it for myself or put on my grown woman pants and look it in the eye for once, the fact of the matter remains.

Time passes. Time is inevitable. And time Changes.

Now, I know I kind of started this off kind of heavy, and yeah, sorry for that lol. But it gets better, I promise. Seriously. Truly. It gets better. Because this isn't me filing a complaint against the end of the year or mourning all of the things that I could've, should've, would've said or done. It's not about looking back mournfully, longingly, or with a sense of loss and melancholy.

It's about looking back at the beginning of this year, of My year of 2019 and breathing a sigh of euphoria and relief because of how much I've changed.

At the beginning of this year, I was a Mess. My clinical depression, anxiety, social anxiety and agoraphobia were all royally kicking my ass. Hell, they were playing hacky sack with it.

I was pessimistic, insecure, and held little to no regard for my overall wellbeing. It seemed impossible, if not even downright unreasonable, for me to set, fortify and uphold my own boundaries. And the company that I kept definitely didn't help.

I surrounded myself with people that I was so desperate for attention, in place of respect, from. I'd fall in and out of this wishy washy state of either trying to force myself into the center of their lives or make myself small and choke on my own voice so that I wouldn't make them hate me, even if it meant just sitting there and letting them curse at and scold me.

And yet somehow?? I let these same people try to lecture me on how I should act, how I should speak, how I should carry myself? Not even for myself. Never for myself. Not really.

But I clung to these people, one of them the most in particular, because I had convinced myself that I wasn't whole, on my own, without them. A belief that was partially instilled within me by my general overall lack of self-esteem, but also by the fact that this "friend" pretty much convinced me to self-diagnose myself with borderline personality disorder, which they claimed that they also had. Yeah. Like I said. A Mess. But it's true, sometimes, that things get worse before they get better.

Towards the end of my toxic relationship, I Finally started getting therapy, again. Financial struggles, along with me honestly just lacking the drive to take the initiative, had prevented me from getting the help I needed at first.

But after coming dangerously close to giving up for good while I was at home alone one day, the one thing saving me being a phone call from my brother (he gets on my nerves, but Bless his heart and soul for that), I finally decided that enough was enough. I was drowning, I was scared, I was tired, and I was tired of drowning and being scared and of being tired.

So I talked to my mom. We both talked to my "father," who, truthfully took a Lot of convincing, but in the end we were able to get him to say yes to me checking into whether or not I could use a counseling program through the company he works for.

One phone call and one transferred call later, and I was finally put on a, thankfully, short waiting list for a therapist. And a week and a half later, I finally got to meet with said therapist. She was, and is, an absolute sweetheart. She's helped me so much, and through her, I was able to be referred to a psychiatrist and continue to get the help and the medication that I needed. And as if all of that wasn't enough? Some time between my third or so appointment with my therapist and my first appointment with my psychiatrist, I met Sai.

I joined a stupid little Sims Series server (that, ironically, neither of us are even still in anymore), dropped a couple of stupid screenshots of my own sims in the Sims 4 channel, received compliments on them from One of the random but very sweet and likeable members of said server, and then we chatted for a little while about kpop and I assumed that that was that.

I was wrong. And I'm so glad that I was.

A couple of days later, that same supposedly random member of that silly little sims discord server sent me a friend request. I accepted. I DM'd him, reintroduced myself, he introduced himself, and before I knew it, he became my friend, my best friend, and soon my Gaurdian Angel.

What began as just casually spamming each other about our sims and our favorite kpop groups and sharing playlists, eventually turned into us opening up to each other, confiding in each other, and realizing Just How Much We Understood And Empathized With Each Other.

When the door to my aforementioned toxic and unhealthy relationship with my former "friends" closed, a new door opened. Sai's door opened. He took me in, comforted me, encouraged me, and patiently began helping me unravel all of the knotted, ugly tangles that had been left over in my heart and mind from my traumas, old and recent, and became my second biggest cheerleader throughout my therapy. The first of course being my mom.

With him, with mom, my therapist, my psychiatrist all gently but firmly behind me, I began to heal. I began to learn. I began to Change. And this time, it was for me.

I began learning how to hold myself accountable for my own actions, both the positive and the negative, but I also learned to stop taking responsibility for other people's actions so that they could no longer dictate my life.

I learned how to truly see myself as my own seperate entity outside of my relationships with others. I learned to be content with my own company. I learned to set boundaries and be honest and open about how I feel and how I wish to be spoken to and treated. I learned that what other people think of me and feel about me only matter as much as I allow them to.

I learned to stop reminiscing over things and people that were left in the past because they belong there. I learned to reclaim certain things that I love that were once tied to those things and people that belonged in my past. I learned to start writing again. I learned to start listening to certain songs again. I learned that, ultimately, even with having a support system behind me, true closure ultimately lies within myself.

And I'm Still learning and re-learning all of this and so many other things every single day. The process is continous, and it isn't always easy, recovery isn't always easy. But it's possible. It's possible every day that I wake up and decide to try. A year ago? I didn't think I even had the strength or will within me to even do that, let alone everything else that I've done.

Knowing me, there will still be times when acknowledging the passage of time and the changes it inevitably brings along with it will Still seem a little daunting to me. And that's okay. But that's why I'm writing all of this and posting it at 6:09 in the morning when I really should be sleeping like I told Sai I would hours ago (sorry! Don't yell at me!).

I wanted to leave myself a reminder, a reason to remember and believe that, as time passes, time changes? Good things, as long as I just keep waking up to greet every day that counts down to a new year, will also be inevitable.

#dear diary #recovery #closure #self love #positivity #new year #new me

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