#it took twenty years- but I did it

[hhorror-vacuii]

In my lit theory clas we discussed a certain key in which all literature (which is also a part of the gay&lesbian theory, one of the newer schools of thought in this field) could be read, and that is a so called homotext. A homotext is a text in which there is no need to have a homosexaul/romantic character appear – the most important aspect is if the figure „speaking” to us through the text is homosexual/romantic one (a figure speaking through the text is not necessarily the narrator, nor the author, but I simply do not want to turn this post into a lit theory lecture). All we need to know now is that this figure must appear to be closely woven into the text, and try to communicate with its recipients (the readers) through so called secret signs. To be able to discover this figure and its secret language we need to be extremely careful and meticulous during our readings, to try to uncover the mystery and solve what is almost a riddle. The theory of a homotext lists 5 signs we need to look for (I’m keeping the male-centric language, because it pertains to the books I’m going to discuss later):

Male body described in a peculiar manner. It means that the body might be very improtant, or described in great detail, or be the focus of the story, or be very different (extremely ugly or extremely beautiful, disfigured, unearthly, unhuman, not in keeping with the story etc. It would depend on each specific text, I imagine).

Eros and Thanatos – Love and Death – must be linked together somehow in the story.

A love triangle consisting of 2 men and 1 woman must appear. What is important (apprently) is that the men never consumate their own desires (there is no sex or love affair in the usual sense of the word) between them.

The action of the story moves at some point from a center to outskirts/peripheries. It means hiding, or abadonement, or a mystery disappearence etc.

The two men in question must share some secret reading between them – a language that only they two understand, or reading a book together, or one teaching something to the other etc. Something that pertains to reading and is specific to them only.

Because I was already in my D’Artagnan Romances insanity era by the time I was studying this, I began to look at the trilogy through the homotext lens and you might be either surprised or delighted, but the relationship between Athos and Aramis fulfils every point on that list and then some. Here goes:

1. Dumas did not really describe his characters in great detail, but he did describe some of their features, sometimes in such a great detail it comes off as a surprise to readers. Because I cannot, for the life of me, imagine why would we need all that he says about Athos’ beautiful hands, and handsome, noble face if we don’t even actually learn his name. Yet he describes the hands and nobility radiating from Athos as if his life depended on it. Aramis, on the other hand, has a bit more attention focused on his appearance, and for a reason, since he’s the pretty one. So much so that many adaptations only focus on that, because Aramis is also so many other things, but! He is described as short, strongly built and beautiful. There is also a great amount of instances of his blushing in the first book, or of his biting his lip in the third one (to say nothing of his habit of pinching his ears so that they are read, and putting his hands upwards so that they look white, or of his almond paste he uses to make himself look, again, pale and beautiful. He is extremely foused on his appearence). He is, on the whole, percieved through the way he looks to the world, which is deceptive to the readers (and his fellow characters), because while he may look angelic, his nature is decidedly more sinister. Another amazing detail – which @widevibratobitch made me aware of in her amazing tags one day – is that, being a man in a certain epoch and place, Aramis was all but required to sport a mustache; but his’ is very small and thin (and he kept it that way even when the fashion changed, it was mentioned in Twenty Years After if I recall properly), which points again in the same direction: Aramis is a man, and does a lot of typically manly things like being a soldier, being a priest and so on. But he is also feminine-coded, and in such a way that it must have been obvious to anyone who knew him: ’Aramis, you know,’ continued Athos, ‘is naturally cold, and then he is always involved in intrigues wih women.’

2. Eros and Thanatos, linked together, are what plagues Athos from the very beggining of the first book (even if we don’t know this at first, there are signs: mostly in the fact that he does not have a mistress and is a melancholy drunk etc.), and that is the easiet point to make. But there are more. First of all, they all are linked with death by profession, but only Aramis and Athos became Musketeers because they killed someone, or believed they killed someone. Their new paths in life are therefore marked by both Eros and Thanatos – the women they were besotted with and the subsequent deaths they caused. Neither of them has a lover is what we believe at first, because Athos truly does not have anyone and Aramis plainly states he is following in his footsteps (lying through his teeth, of course). There is also another thing: while in world of the novel d’Artagnan must have learned all of his friends’ true names, presumably once he became the lieutenant, the readers were kept in the dark right until the moment d’Artagnan observes the rendez-vous beetwen Aramis and madame de Longueville. We learn his christian name is Rene through her lips (Eros), and d’Artagnan’s ears (Thanatos, since that was the decisive moement in their relationship and shifted d’Artagnan from fondness to disdain); not to mention the name itself means born again, which is as much a jab at his life and profession, as a thing linking him with death (Aramis is the only one who kills with pleasure, and one could argue intrigues – at times resulting in very violent outcomes – are his pastime). I find it interesting, that in the second book (which is when the relationship between them both starts to get truly interesting) Athos likewise has begun a new life, and that new life means for him an increased acquaintance with Aramis, with whom he stayed in contact, while the contact with Porthos and d’Artagnan was either severed or lost altogether.

3. This is arguably the funniest point on that list: Aramis is a lover of Marie de Rohan, duchess de Chevreuse, ever since the beggining of the novels, which comes about very quickly, and is even a source of amusement (plus a spiritus movens) – Athos meanwhile disdains women. But in Twenty Years After we learn that he has gotten a son, and then we learn that Raoul’s moter is Marie de Chevreuse. With whom he slept because he thought she was a man at first, but that does not change the fact Marie is the woman in this equation, linking Aramis and Athos together, linking them even more than what is needed in the theory, since they both slept with her. There is also a smaller instance of Aramis repeating the very words madame de Longueville told him at the beggining of the book to Athos at the end of it (yes, it’s a political statement, but what we focus on is that Dumas chose to repeat this phrase between two lovers and put them in an exchange of two-perhaps-lovers).

4. So we all know that at the end of the first book Aramis takes some sudden trip to Lorraine and hen he up and disapears and then becomes a priest, and Athos inherits a property and leaves Paris as well, if in less mysterious circumstances. But how does this move the plot if it happens at the end of the novel? Well, in my opinion, it moves the plot to recenter it in the second book with a much richer configuration. The whole of the first book is so to speak through d’Artagnan’s gaze, and in terms of reading and getting to see the story develop it is rather constraining. Twenty Years After – not to mention this silent, 20 years long, break they took – allows the character more movement, and it creates new paths their relations ar taking. Aramis and Athos have both moved away from the capital, and it allowed them more room for growth together – which is why they are now frondists together and honestly, in no book of the three but this one is their relationship so fully developed, folly portrayed and so interesting to discover. And in terms of just Aramis, his life changing from the king’s bodyuard to a priest (so from a sort-of public life to a more private one, moving to the outskirts of the material world) is what allows them to build his character in the third volume, which resonates with Athos’ story a little bit, because his status as a bishop with realistic expectations ofbecoming a cardinal later in life moves him a little bit closer to Athos’ status as an aristocrat.

5. This one might be a stretch, but I don’t care: they are the only two of the four who speak Latin. (But also! In Twenty Years After they exchange letters d’Artagnan is not privy to – they are even kept from him on purpose – and these letters are secret, because they are rebels.)

#go ana analyze your favourite novels now #the three musketeers #twenty years after #the viscount of bragelonne #aramis #athos #ad i did NOT include quotes to back up my reasoning because 1 it already took me 3 days to finish & 2. what are you a tumblr post police?

[herecomesaspecialghoul]

I was supposed to be taking notes at a meeting but here! A quick doodle of myself! Well, this is my human visage. I call it " humansona. " I like to keep my ears and horns ghoul-ish. Don't know why... Also, you can see here I drew my tail tip (all Fire ghouls have this tail tip) and I also attempted to draw a wing- mine I like to have two claws out, and have kind of a batty style.

I am still learning to draw. Is a bit had when you have no bones! Eheheheheheehh 😸

#special ghoul #special draws! #Did I make a tag for my drawings? #nameless ghouls #this face took twenty years to perfect

[whatislifebesidesrehearsal]

Stage Manager: [Director], I understand that you want to get this scene perfect, but there is a child trapped in this coffin.

#submission #ooh yeah you gotta be careful with that i was in a barrel for twenty minutes in a blocking rehearsal once #and it took /literal years/ to get back to 'not immediately concerning' levels of joint pain #so um. anyways. thats a not really funny anecdote to go along with this quote that did actually make me laugh but here ya go #take care of your actors y'all #context is addams family #the addams family #theater #theatre #behind the scenes #stage management #smblr #theater tech #techblr

[itstimeforstarwars]

My diary when I was a teenager: I am so angry and this is where I put my rage about how the world is ending and how mad I am about it and how much I hate politicians and the school board

My diary now: here is a recounting of what I did today as well as how I feel about some of the news from today, so that in twenty years when everyone is lying about how the 2020s went I have proof that I'm not insane.

#chit chat #it really hasn't changed much except that I am now writing about the context of the wider world #because so much of my teenage diary was 'i am so mad about what's going on in the world!!! how can they do this!!!' #and older me is like 'hm. what WAS? going on in the world?' and then i have to go look up the news for that day #which feels harder to do now than it did back then #so now im adding context so that when im forty i can be like 'yeah! how could they let this happen!' in solidarity with my younger self #also my grandmother worked at a museum for twenty years so now im actively trying to be helpful to whoever ends up with these things #cuz i won't have kids to pass them onto but some random archivist might think they’re interesting #I've been heavily inspired by dykes to watch out for and how like half the strips are just responding to the news #lol #sometimes i wish i could be less fucking weird but unfortunately i have been Like This since at least the seventh grade #i took one elective journalism class and it was all over for me

[treadler]

When I was a kid, I used to wish that I was Catholic so I could grow up to be a nun and never need to get married.

#ace #aromantic #how did i not realize sooner that i'm #aroace #it took me twenty years to realize i could just like not get married

[the-casbah-way]

if the sheriff of this random american town that i emailed over a year ago now in regards to an abduction case i studied in forensics class could get back to me that would be brilliant. but whatever girl

#he did tell my professor i was allowed to email him and he’d try and respond #but i haven’t heard since #it could well be because people like that are very busy #but also like if you suddenly stop replying once i start criticising a police investigation that happened twenty+ years ago #i feel like it's because you took one look and thought it would be too much trouble and were like nah bye #like this is about three little girls getting abducted and murdered but ok chief. #i wish i'd had the balls to go through with forensics so i could keep looking into it myself properly

[sophieswundergarten]

I would like to commend Rhonda for joining Mr. Benedict in the first place. Now, this is not to judge any of the characters, but, imagine, that you are a young orphan who has just been through several levels of an extremely weird test, only to find out they were designed by Some Guy and his adopted daughter who is a bit older than you but extremely blunt and intense (And possibly a random guy who looks like he could maybe be trustworthy or maybe mug you in a dark alley but overwhelmingly looks incredibly sad that is just s t a n d i n g t h e r e, depending on the time frame), and then all the "adults" in this situation (Or, at least, older and hopefully more knowledgable than you) tell you that the world is going to be taken over by some ambiguous entity who is using the radio to brainwash people.

Think about this.

I know that the kids had to do it, too, but when Rhonda joined, the Benedicts weren't an actual team yet. They were still in the beginning stages, with less experience and less information than by the time Reynie and the others show up. Can you imagine if they had Number Two run the cheating trick during the first tests? And if this was before Milligan arrived, then either she or Mr. Benedict would be running everything on their own, so, a lot less smoothly, and I bet less of the children respected her when she was closer to their ages. Mr. Benedict likely wouldn't have been able to kick all the kids out of the test, once they started crying and things. Why do you think it was Number Two and Milligan's job?

Like, the Mr. Benedict and co. that Rhonda had to make the decision to trust were a lot less trustworthy-seeming than the one we meet. So, good job to her for seeing them for who they were, instead of being freaked out by their strangeness.

#that or she was an incredibly weird child who just grew out of it a bit by the time she met the kids #and mr. benedict took one look at her rocking back and forth on her heels while waiting in line and speaking bembi or french #or whatever to herself and reciting types of stitches #or maybe calming a younger child who was nervous about the test #and he was like “number two i want that one. she needs to be part of our team” #and number two's like “she hasn't even taken the tests yet. you literally took one look at her and called adoption. you can't do this” #and he's like “oh yes i can i did with you and i'll do it again” #anyways i just think rhonda is super neat #and it would be fun to hear more about what she was like when she was younger #because it's said that she's only like twenty or so at most #or at least that she is only *just* an adult so she can still pass for a child #so she must have had an interesting time growing up with mr. benedict and everyone #i would enjoy reading about those years of her life #either way! #rhonda is a lovely character!! #mbs #the mysterious benedict society #rhonda kazembe #number two #mr. benedict #nicholas benedict #milligan #milligan wetherall

[myname-isnia]

I found my literature notebook from two years ago and as I was flipping through it, I found a creative writing assignment that was basically “Come up with characters that could plausibly exist in this universe and write a short snippet about them”

And I got this feeling that I knew exactly what 14yo me did with that assignment

So I quickly scanned through the text and yep, I put Suiren and Midori into it. Because of course I did. This was May 2021. Red Lotus week. Peak obsession hours. I was cringe but I was free.

#or: it took nia four months to read the northern lights by philip pullman and she hated every word of it #so when the opportunity arose to insert her current hyperfixation and spice up the dullness they took it in a heartbeat #if you flip back a few pages you’ll also find that when the class had to keep a reading journal #(which nia didn’t do properly. because nia didn’t read the book by assigned chapters for homework #instead nia read four chapters. couldn’t stomach anymore more. faked it till she made it on quizzes and tests #and then sped read the other twenty something chapters over spring break #bc she was told the final year literature test would be on it #only for said test to turn out to be a fucking kahoot game #which she won. by the way) #and instead of writing out my thoughts about the chapters nia spent a page and a half comparing lyra to korra #how did I not fail that fucking class #good god #the student teacher who did practice at our school led that class though and she was a lesbian and I loved her so much #only good thing about literature that year #okay rant over I still have to put all these notebooks away #and it’s 2 a.m #lmao

[kazieka]

anyway my worthless fucking grandmother brought over a bottle of eucalyptus essential oil and was leaning over to let one of the cats sniff it before i had to swoop in. i hate her so fucking much

#im not usually in the room when she’s over bc i cant fucking stand her and she complains about disrespect #but by god I’m glad I was there right then #anyway i took it directly to the kitchen and put it in the trash #and if she had an issue with it she didn’t direct it to me #she can get fucked for all I care #god she’s so fucking manipulative #‘yeah i disowned my daughter when i found out she was a lesbian. yes I did testify to the court she shouldn’t get custody’ #‘but now she’s got cancer and I can’t have my neighbors thinking im a bag of shit but uh oh! I spent twenty years nitpicking my grandkids’ #‘and now they don’t want me coming around! better call adult services to claim she isn’t getting adequate care’ #(which we anticipated bc she did the same shit when my brother and I were kids and called CPS) #to her the BIGGEST fuck-you to anyone who doesn’t show her appropriately public Love is to write them out of her will #baby girl all I want from your will is the news that you’re dead xoxo #she’s so full of shit #anyway rant over

[foreverjustfornow]

The future scares me shitless right now.

For the first time I‘m really realising what it means to work as a doctor. How you basically have no time for anything else in your life and that is not something I want.

How I‘m already feeling lonely at the end of a long work week, when the only interaction has been with other medical professionals or patients. But now I can still meet up with friends, now I can still live with flatmates.

At some point, they might marry though and start families and I will become less and less of a priority. I won’t ever fall in love, I don’t think. So what will there be for me?

#I‘m trying to talk to my dad about it #but he did the whole medicine was the only thing in his life for over twenty years #and he thinks that it would be nice if that wasn’t the case for future docs anymore #but when I complain about his attitude is still so what #and he had a wife who took care of his kids #he had a family and support even during that time #and it must have been rough still #but he doesn’t get that I don’t think that’s in my future for me #the future is just so bleak looking to me right now #and I‘m tired

[vulcanhello]

#and then he went and took twenty years of it #tos #captain’s log #trek books #OKAY. for real i actually have to recommend this book it is soooo fun it is interesting the plot is great the characters are good especially #the new ones and kirk and spock meeting and stealing the enterprise the way they do is hilarious #i felt that kirk going thru the process of accepting and dealing with what happened on taurus was well done and i liked matthew and gryffin #very interesting stuff #and spock being able to accept his human half just to spite his dad is funny but honestly good for him #i liked spock a lot in this altho it did make me miss discovery 😔😔 #and you can definitely tell mr shatner had a hand in this book bc sometimes the way people describe kirk is just so??? out of pocket obssesd #like kirk and spock are doing some shit and spock is like im sooo obsessed with you just being near you 🤩🤩🤩😍😍 and im just there imagining #kirk as some nasty little nerd so. its funny for me #i do think their dynamic was fun tho bc they werent written as their adult selves but as their teenage selves if that makes sense theyre so #immature but still think theyre all that. especially spock. again makes me miss disco 🥲 #OVERALL JUST GO READ IT ITS FUN #oh my god terrible news #THEY NEVER WROTE THE SEQUEL #THERE ARE LOOSE ENDS HERE TIE THEM UP RN

[fakeorganic]

it’s so surreal to me tht this is my final semester in school. like after this im officially completed my bachelors degree like i get so emotional thinking about it tbh… it’s been 8 years since i started going to my community college to try to get a degree and it’s been a lot of on and off bc school is so expensive and im paying it all out of pocket but like i feel so immensely proud of myself but also doesn’t feel real. i don’t know if it’ll ever feel real bc i’m used to going to school and then stopping for a bit bc i can’t afford it/ can’t take off for it and then getting back to it so i feel like it’ll just feel like i’m back on my break from school— but no it’s like i’m gonna actually finish.

#i rly am tht girlie in oh my twenties who spent almost a decade just to get their degree but she did it and im doing it !!! #i feel like i’m the back of my head i almost feel disappointed ??? tht it took me so long bc it’s been 4 years since #most of the kids i graduated w finished college themselves #but it’s so unfair of myself to like put myself in a scale w others bc this achievement is huge for me and my own #i did this and like regardless how long it took it’s my hard work and perseverance to make sure i finished tht got me thru #ugh i cannot express how proud of myself i am fr

[ariseri]

INTERNET YAMERO - aiobahn

this whole “internet angel” phenomenon is such an organic, yet postulated religion hyper, RGB illumination! (peace!) these anonymous accounts are all gathering now

this gross, piece-of-shit reality will be wiped away by your angel shortly! oh, but don’t tell any adults, okay? everything’s going to be fine, please don’t be afraid!

go touch some grass, you stupid kid. fuck off, you terminally online piece of shit

INTERNET, JUST MAKE IT END!!

you tell me that you understand, but you’re just lying where you stand yet again… what does sadness really mean? could you be lonely here with me? are you listening…?

i want to see your messages on my phone, but please always leave me alone in this loop… the best part of my day is night, but i’m always so cold in this light won’t you hold me tight…

and honestly, i know i could probably be happy. but i just can’t stop living like this

haters can fuck off! fans can’t fuck me! all of my hard work equates to nothing! i’m only descending down to hell! i’m prolly already in one of those holes, anyway.

then likes can be my lawyers, i guess hypocrite’s traps are a spider’s thread oh, this pain is really taking over, but how could i ever leave my dear internet??

BE MAD!

filling up my body with ecstasy only to pass out on myslee my screen illuminates at night the anxiety, it holds me tight!

can someone just come kill me now? wait, no, i still wanna live somehow! oh, can the sun just stay down? i’m dying. END! ME! i’m gonna fuckin’ explode!!!!!1

despite everything, i’ll guide you nerds through the chaos of the internet let’s witness something only we could have created here! from the disturbing internet we’re all stuck in, ah… these poisonous radio waves almost fall like snow

see, i actually saw a therapist once! but i was told it’d be a good idea to leave the internet. but it hurt me so bad thinking of not being able to see you all, so i decided, fuck reality, i like it here!

and i do still remember when people had first started following me. and oh, people liking me made me feel so warm inside! you know what? fuck this! who cares about anything!? one two,

INTERNET UNTIL THE END!!

drowning in the thrill of ecstasy i hope to dream sweet with you, dear myslee i can feel you starting to reach my hand as you swim through this cyberspace, internet boy!

i’ll leave my sorrow to descend with all of my pain while you play with me this internet game i know now i can rest my head on you this way promise you’ll never forget your internet girl, okay?

kys i’m DEAD retweet weird flex but okay noob! HELP. plsss, that’s a mood. big cringe, epic fail KILLING MYSELF. would you love me if i was a worm? TL;DR, that’s fire HEAR ME OUT… pardon my french, dropped a banger private quote retweet! tumblr sexyman you wanna kiss me soo bad, LMAO kys i’m DEAD retweet weird flex but okay noob! HELP. plsss, that’s a mood. HEAR ME OUT.

i love you! love you-

from the blue light of every digital screen in the world as just pixels, i’ll heal all my nerd’s loneliness after all, that’s my job as the internet angel!

#translyrics #aiobahn #internet yamero #needy streamer overload #needy girl overdose #i never did translyrics for this or internet overdose #somehow #but i did now #does this mean i'll cover it again??? Maybeeeee #i love nso i love internet yamero #this song coming out changed lives #i might do internet overdose too but i covered it like #two years ago #idk #we'll see #play nso #writing the slang chant took twenty years off my lifespan

[chaoticwhoknows]

just responded to ao3 comments. feeling incredibly loved in the studio today

#teen colin au #i love the comments on fics they’re lovely #esp bc it took me twenty years to update that au #and was like no one is seeing this there’s no way #and people did see it???? #and cared enough to comment?? #on MY writing??? #CRAZY

[julesnichols]

Y'know. There were several ups and downs when I was working for the mouse, and the downs were always really, really bad. But like also I'm glad for them because four years ago I absolutely would not have said SHIT about being given a shift that conflicts with my availability and just worked it hoping it never happened again. Now I will talk to all four fucking managers who work throughout the entire day I've been here until one of them listens instead of pushing back and getting pissy about me saying it's not my fault and sure, I'll try to find coverage to be nice, but not my fucking problem if I can't find it, can't work the shift, they can't mark me as a no show and they can die mad about it because they should've thought about it before giving me a shift I can't work 🤷

#vent #obvs i said all that in more professional language #but like i was fucking firm about it that yeah i'll humor them and ask around but that's also not my job bc it wasn't my mistake #so if they end up understaffed sucks to suck. only so much i can do if everyone i talked to was booked and busy #not my fault some idiot who makes more than me to do one single task on a 9-2 schedule weekdays only didn't have her shit together #anyways i am Proud of myself bc i no longer take shit #sucks that it took those lows to get to this point but y'know what? i'm grateful #wish i could've learned these lessons a different way #obvs. but i am glad that i did learn them #anyways today sucked but i got almost 7.5 paid hours instead of the 6.5 i was originally supposed to get so ✌️ #somewhat makes up for me needing to call out last sunday lmao #also i put up with soooo much shit i am a Team Player if i refuse to back down and choose a hill to die on it means smth to me #extend me to a 10 and a half hour shift and only take a 30 meal break instead of the hour i'm entitled to? #yeah okay sure more money and the break schedule is already fucked so i don't wanna screw over everybody else #gotta clock in half an hour early and stay twenty minutes late? no problem i'm here may as well. plus money #need me to train someone when i only restarted here 2 months ago 4 years after the last time i worked here? sure. why not. #blind leading the goddamn blind and all that but like i also know what situations ppl have gotten most pissed at me in #so lemme teach you how to do some of the shit nobody explains the way they need to #so if i call out it's bc my legs well and truly WILL give the fuck out if i try to stand on them for longer than 5 mins #and if i say i shouldn't be the one to fix their mistake but i'll try a lil. i am a nice person i am a team player i can and will take shit #from them but also i am not a goddamn pushover #i know my limits and i know my worth