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acourtofthought · 3 days
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What would you say are the top 3 (or 5) strongest clues that say Elucien/Gwynriel are gonna happen? The ones that really feel so solid to you.
Ooooh, this is a good question.
For Gwynriel:
That Gwyn is the only character to treat Az's shadows as being separate from himself. It' like a guy who begins dating a girl who has children but he never pays attention to them versus the guy who goes out of his way to get to know the children, proving that he understands the girl and her children are a packaged deal.
That Az is not looking as Gwyn as someone in need of his protection. I'm sure there will be some of that in their book, mates always look out for one another, but there is a big difference between "we can do this together" versus, "I'll do it for you so you don't get hurt".
That Gwyn seems to have a bloodthirsty side to her personality, just as Az does. He can torture in a symphony of pain which means he has chosen to finesse his craft. He's not "let's get this over as quick as possible because I don't like it," it's, "I'm going to draw this out nice and slow and make it hurt in ways you never dreamed." I think he feels guilty about his enjoyment of it afterward because he thinks it makes him a bad person but I think he gets satisfaction from the actual act. Someone like Gwyn who was excited over the thought of the Valkyries cracking skulls and skewering their enemies is well matched for his brutality.
That Gwyn and Az seem to prefer a smaller group of friends over being extremely social, the life of the party. Neither seems to mind their alone time.
For Elucien, there are so many:
That Elain and Lucien share important core values. They are quick to apologize for failing others, they both prefer to avoid violence, they both enjoy being social and engaging with others. There will never be a time where they have to check up on one another, "I'm sorry, is this too overwhelming for you? We can head home if you need".
That Lucien has been loyal to Elain and only Elain ever since he found out who she was to him. No, he did not instantly love her but he chose to respect their bond while he took the time to learn about her whereas he could have easily continued his rakish ways especially after learning she was engaged to someone else. Loyalty to the FMC is sexy.
That Lucien was the one to meet Elain's father and live in the human lands. These are two enormous parts of Elain's past, things that mattered a great deal to her and it will only ever be Lucien who has insider knowledge of who her father was and what being human is about.
That SJM retconned Lucien's father so he'd have the power of the sun in his veins and had Elain constantly by the sunniest windows, as if any bit of darkness was abhorrent, claiming that she needs Sunshine.
That Elain has not yet touched or truly gotten to know Lucien. If the author wanted us to see why they were poorly matched, she would have shown them interacting. She would have shown that despite their best efforts to acknowledge their bond, they were just not fitting. Instead, she has Elain keeping Lucien at a distance book after book and I will never believe the answer to that puzzle is because "she doesn't like him," "she's clearly not interested." An author would more likely prevent two mates from interacting in a major way because she knows there is something there. She knows characters like Elain and Lucien need to remain apart because their chemistry will be obvious the second they start really talking.
Because Elain can hear Lucien's heart and because she is the most beautiful female he'd ever seen. Because he knew she needed fresh air when every single other person in the IC just accepted her being cooped up in her room for weeks. There is a connection between Elucien that is never going away and it would ruin any other romance for either character. No matter what Elain might share with someone else, Lucien is always going to hold a piece of her that the other cannot touch.
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c-e-d-dreamer · 12 hours
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Just Looking At You Got Me Thinking Nonsense
A/N: happy Day Four of @nestaarcheronweek! Sometimes, to really be a lover, you have to risk it all in a bidding war, ya know? This was a fun little fic to write, and I want to give a big ole shout-out to the Anon who sent me this prompt! I hope everyone enjoys :)
Read on AO3
Cassian digs his phone out of his back pocket, opening back up the group chat and the most recent messages still waiting there. With a nod, he pockets the phone again, rolling out his shoulders. There’s a glass case full of pictures and some sort of awards on the wall opposite him, and Cassian uses it as a makeshift mirror. He’s always had a bad habit of running his fingers through his hair when he’s nervous, and now his curls are a tangled mess as a result.
A door opening down the hall has Cassian almost jumping out of his skin. He turns just in time to see the exact woman he’s here for walking down the hall, her arm looped with a red head that Cassian is pretty sure was in his trig class last year.
“Trust me, it will be over before you know it,” the red head says as they walk.
“Until I have to sit through some stupid dinner after… You’re lucky that I love you.”
“I know, and I am lucky you’re doing this with me. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to go up there alone.”
“Hey, Nes,” Cassian calls in greeting when they’re close enough, raising his hand in a wave.
Whether she doesn’t hear him or is just ignoring him, Cassian isn’t sure. But both women don’t acknowledge him, walking through another door further down the hall. One that, he presumes, leads into the large hall.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Cassian mumbles to himself, letting his hand drop back to his side. “Idiot.”
“Idiot is certainly one word I’d use to describe you.”
Azriel’s low chuckle echoes Rhys’s remark, and Cassian turns to glare at both his brothers. He knocks his shoulders against both of them, leading the way back toward the front of the building and the main doors into the hall. There’s more laughter, but at least his brothers fall into step behind him. He doesn’t have time for their teasing. Not tonight at least. This is his one chance, and he’ll be damned if he fucks it up, if he loses it. He needs to focus.
Cassian knew that Nesta Archeron was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen the first time he saw her walk into his gen-ed English lecture earlier this semester. Her blue gray eyes had been piercing beneath the lights of the lecture hall, and Cassian wanted to dive into them and drown in them right in that moment. Even more so when he watched her roll those eyes at something said at the front of the lecture hall.
Gods, he wanted to make those eyes roll.
He was sure that the Mother must be smiling down on him when Nesta had ended up in his seminar after the lecture too. It was clear that she was smart. That she had a passion for books. That she didn’t take any bullshit. He could sit and watch and listen to her in that seminar for the rest of his life and be happy. And when she absolutely eviscerated Tamlin for his “analysis” of Lolita, Cassian had been ready to drop to his knees right then and there.
It made him try harder. He made sure he actually paid attention in the lecture, made sure he did the readings, made sure he came to each and every seminar with his analysis prepared in hopes of impressing her. He wasn't sure it was working or not, but sometimes, he swore he saw her lips twitch with the barest hint of a smile, of a smirk, when he spoke. He swore that sometimes he could feel her gaze on him when he wasn't looking.
And then, one day, he’d walked into the seminar room to find the seat next to Nesta open. He’d practically stumbled over his own feet in his rush to slide into that open seat, earning an amused head shake from Kallias. Using the few minutes before the seminar started, Cassian had called her Nes and gotten a withering glare in response. He was sure the look was meant to cut him down where he sat, but it only stoked the embers in his chest into a full wildfire, only made him grin wider.
It became a game after that. Every seminar, he’d take the seat beside Nesta, and every seminar, he’d spark a back and forth between them. He cataloged every look, every response he was able to draw out of Nesta. Every eye roll. Every derisive snort. Every sarcastic quip. He got drunk off it all and kept coming back for more and more. And when he made Nesta blush, the pretty pink spreading across her cheeks, he knew that was it for him.
He spent the whole rest of the week after that trying to figure out the best way to ask Nesta out, sure that she wouldn’t appreciate being asked in front of their whole seminar group. He wondered if it would be weird to ask her to speak to him after the seminar, prayed to the Mother to take pity on him, and blessedly, take pity on him she did. It’s what led Cassian to finding out that Nesta was pledged to Mor’s sorority.
How he found out that she would be here tonight.
One of the sorority members greets Cassian and his brothers when they step through the doors to the hall, her name tag reading Deidre. She holds out three paddles, but Rhys and Azriel both wave her off, only Cassian taking one. Lucky number nineteen, just like his jersey. They settle into seats at an empty table, and then it’s just a waiting game.
It doesn’t take long before Mor is stepping out onto the stage, giving her welcoming speech as president, but any words she says fade away as soon as the women participating tonight walk onto the stage. As soon as Cassian catches sight of Nesta. Her dress is a silky, silvery blue that, along with the stage lights, brings out the blue of her eyes, and the hem is short enough to show off the stretch of her legs. She has that look on her face that’s Cassian’s favorite, and just the sight of her has his mouth going dry. She’s gorgeous.
“And next up we have Nesta Archeron.” Cassian’s attention snaps back to Mor. “She’s pre-law and minoring in English. She loves romance novels, so you better be ready to bring out all the stops if you’re the lucky one who gets to take her on a date. Now, we’ll start the bidding at–”
“One hundred dollars,” Cassian calls out before Mor can finish, jumping up to his feet and holding up his paddle.
“Mother save us,” Rhys mutters under his breath.
“Wow. That’s…” Mor clears her throat. “That’s quite generous. I guess we’ll be starting the bidding at one hundred.”
“One fifty.”
Anger flares low in Cassian’s gut at the second bid, and it burns even brighter when he turns his head and finds the owner of the voice. Eris Vanserra. Cassian has hated the man ever since he had the misfortune of sharing a class with him freshman year. Ever since he watched him stroll into a college class wearing designer clothes and look down on everyone. He’s pompous, pretentious, and has a face practically asking for Cassian to punch.
And punching Eris’s snooty face is definitely something Cassian’s fist itches to do right now.
“Two hundred,” Cassian declares, turning back toward the stage.
“Two fifty,” Eris echoes.
“Two seventy five.”
“Three hundred.”
“Holy shit,” Mor mutters before seemingly remembering that she has a microphone in her hands. “I mean wow. That’s officially our highest bid. Ever. Do we have a response?”
“Five. Hundred.”
Gasps and murmurs of surprise sweep through the room at Cassian’s announcement. He glances toward where Nesta still stands on stage, her eyes wide and pink settled high on her cheeks. But those wide eyes are pinned on him, not Eris, not Mor, and her attention has his heart stuttering between his ribs, has it tugging toward the stage as though she holds the thread so firmly wrapped around it.
He dares to toss Nesta a wink before turning to smirk at Eris, but Vanserra is still lounging casually in his seat with a sort of cool arrogance that ice starts to prickle beneath Cassian’s skin.
“Five fifty,” Eris declares, eyes cutting toward Cassian with a smirk of his own.
“Fucking prick,” Cassian mutters under his breath before he leans down to speak to Rhys. “Okay, I’m going to need to borrow more than what we originally agreed to.”
Rhys sighs, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. “Seriously, Cass? This is getting a little absurd for a single date.”
“She’s worth it.”
“Is she? You know, I’ve heard stories, and–”
“Fuck you,” Cassian growls, turning back toward the stage before he runs out of time. “Five seventy five!”
“He’s clearly dedicated. You’ve got to give him that,” Azriel mutters with a low chuckle.
“You know Vanserra’s not going to stop, right?” Rhys adds, his tone almost bored.
As if in answer, Eris’s voice rings out again. “Six hundred.”
“Seven hundred,” Cassian calls out quickly before dropping his voice again. “If you’re so worried about your rich boy checkbook, then do something about it.”
“What am I supposed to do about it?”
“Seven fifty,” Eris’s voice drowns out Rhys’s question.
“Alright,” Azriel sighs, pushing up to his feet. “This is just sad to watch now.”
Cassian sighs as his brother walks away, knocking his fist against the table in frustration. “Eight fifty!”
He waits for Eris’s answering bid, but there’s only silence ringing out in the hall. Cassian’s brow pinches in confusion, and he snaps his attention back toward Eris’s table. The man in question is on his feet, standing toe to toe with Azriel. There’s a suspicious looking stain across Eris’s shirt, and his lips are pulled back in a sneer.
Whatever lashing Eris is giving for his now ruined designer shirt, Azriel takes it unfazed. He merely reaches for a napkin, the movement nothing short of sensual as he wipes it against Eris’s shirt, against his chest and down his stomach. Even from across the room Cassian can see the way Eris’s face has turned a color to match his face.
With Eris thoroughly distracted, Cassian looks back toward the stage, raising his eyebrows pointedly at Mor.
“Oh! Right,” Mor speaks into the microphone. “We have eight fifty. Do we have higher than eight fifty?” Cassian motions with his hand to hurry up. “Eight fifty going once. Going twice. Sold for eight fifty.”
Cassian falls back into his seat with a relieved sigh, unable to bite back the wide grin that pulls across his face. He did it, he was the highest bid. He gets to see Nesta outside of their lecture, outside of their seminar. He gets to spend time with her one on one and to find out what really makes her tick.
He gets to take Nesta Archeron on a date.
He’s practically bouncing on his feet waiting for the rest of the women to have their bidding, for the evening to come to a close. He all but jumps back up to his feet, plucking the check from between Rhys’s fingers. The look on Mor’s face is all too knowing when he hands over the money, but even that doesn’t deter him.
He gets to take Nesta Archeron on a date.
“Eight hundred fifty dollars, huh?”
Cassian spins around to come face to face with the exact woman in question, her arms crossed and her expression unimpressed. But Cassian has learned a lot sitting next to Nesta this semester, and he recognizes the light sparking in her blue eyes, the slight pinch at the corner of her lips. Try as she might, she can’t hide her amusement from him.
“What can I say, sweetheart?” Cassian drawls, grin still wide. “I’m quite dedicated to getting what I want.”
“Oh? Is that why you pulled that stunt with Eris?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. That was merely Azriel flirting.”
Nesta laughs, and it’s already Cassian’s favorite sound, a sound he wants to draw out of her again and again. “He flirts by spilling drinks on people?”
“Everyone has their own version of flirting. Look at us, with our back and forth.”
That comment does earn him an eye roll, Cassian’s blood singing and his heart soaring at the reaction. He dares to step even closer to Nesta, until he has to tip his chin down to keep smirking at her. Dares to reach up between them for a stray strand of Nesta’s hair and tug on it teasingly. Dares to tease the backs of his fingers along her now pinkening cheeks.
“You might actually be crazy, you know.”
“Only because you make me that way, Nes.”
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Please note: There are major spoilers for both “Silo” and the “Dune” series in this interview.
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The Playlist: Congratulations on all the great projects released over the past year. After working on “Mission: Impossible” movies and “Dune” movies, is it hard to show up and have a production set actually impress you?
Rebecca Ferguson: [Laughs.] Yeah.
Did “Silo” impress you?
Yes, but there are two different things. There’s a scale of a set. When you’re, for example, with “Mission,” there’s nothing impressive over the sets because the sets are nature. So, it’s more the fact that you get to act in the environment and Tom’s doing a helicopter stunt. Like, the action is impressive. It’s not the sets and it’s not the environment in that sense because it’s natural, right? It’s beautiful. With “Silo,” the scope and scale of the sets, they’re so huge. And the fact that we actually have the staircase, then you can run maybe two, or three floors. And the visual effects guys, Paul Bongiovanni and Daniel Rauchwerger, and the team, knowing what they create, the collaboration with the set design and the visual effects is phenomenal. It’s absolutely phenomenal. I might have stolen a couple of props from the set, but I also steal by saying, “By the way, I’ve put a couple of props in my bag. You have one minute to take them back.” And if not, they are mine. Because they’re so beautiful. I have so many pictures of things on set. I just walk around.
I love how you give them one minute because that’s not enough time to really think about it.
One minute, that’s all they get.
When the project came to you, had you heard about the book? What was your reaction to it?
Nope. So when “Silo” came, I was given the first six episodes, and I read them, and I really liked it, but there was a little thing I [needed] changed. I got stuck in something. So I was like, “No, this is not the project for me.” So, I’m only telling this story [because] I’ve heard Graham Yost tell it. I would never have told a story that I’ve turned something down that I’m doing. But there was something that I didn’t really grasp in one of the episodes, and it was too big. It was a bit of an issue. And then they came back, and they were like, “Well, what is this issue?”And I was like, “Well, this is the issue.”And they were like, “O.K.” And then they came back, and they had addressed the issue, and I was like, “Oh, huh, interesting.” And then, when they did that, I thought, “Oh, I’m more interested in this.” And then I started the books, and then I was like, “Oh, I’m actually really into this world, but what else?” And then Graham was like, “What if you can become an [Executive Producer] and learn the process of making it and actually have insight into making a TV show?” And I was like, “Next to you, the best producer showrunner, “I mean, and that’s kind of how it came to life. And then I read all of the books and I was deep in it.
But when they sent you the first six episodes, had they told you what the ending of the first season was? I mean, because it’s seemingly very faithful to the book.
No, I think, and I might be lying, but I’m going to go with it. I read the first six episodes and I was caught on the journey up until the moment when I was like, “This isn’t great. This isn’t very good.” And then kind the other episode had to kind of correct itself and it was just a bit of distraction. So. I wasn’t that intrigued when that happened. But then, the second time, it really opened up my interest, and that’s why I was like, “What happens?” I mean, when you start going, “What happens after six? Do you have seven? Do you have eight? What’s going on here?” That’s a good sign.
I have a lot of questions about Juliette, especially the final episode. There’s a great scene where she is shown the video before George’s death. And he sort of sends her a message by looking at the video camera. He knows where the video camera is, and Juliette has a very emotional moment in that scene. Did you get to see the actual footage of him for that, or were you just looking at a green screen and imagining?
I asked for that to play, so I wanted to act against Ferdinand Kingsley‘s scene. So no, no, that was me in the room, and on all of these displays, they put it up. So, I actually saw what I would’ve been looking at.
For many people in Juliette’s situation, that moment might have crushed them, made them not want to keep fighting, and made them want to maybe just sort of accept their fate. But when she gets sentenced to go clean, she seems so confident. She seems so reassured. Which by the way, even if the world out there was all green, it’s still hard, who knows how you’re going to survive? Why do you think she still has that confidence?
I don’t. That is not how I saw it. For me, there’s a moment I think, in people’s lives where enough is enough and there’s a moment where there’s a form of surrender. And when she says, “I’m not afraid,” I think she has never been more afraid. I think that’s how I felt it. I felt “I am afraid. I’m so terrified. But it’s a broken system that I can’t solve here, and this is the next step for me. I agree this is what’s going to happen. I can’t fight this.” So, it’s like nearly a person who’s going to have given up, but you never give up. There’s a little tiny bit of hope, there might be a possibility of surviving. There’s so much in it. It’s not just, “I’m ready, bring it.” She’s petrified.
Do you also feel she’s petrified when she sees what the world actually looks like?
I think at that moment, it’s what everyone feels their own intuitive emotion towards it. But I think for me, in life, we’re telling a story. So we want to tell the grandiosity of what she sees and the impact. Well, when walking over taking those extra steps. But to be honest, I think for her, the fact that she’s taking one step after the other is an achievement and a realization, and it’s a gradual incline of safety. And then boom, there’s new information. That’s the whole journey with Juliette. It’s like a problem-solving, problem-solving, problem. That’s the entire world of “Silo” and the change of character throughout. She starts off as quite selfish. She wants to solve some issues around her own feelings, but that opens up a bigger can of worms. “Oh, there are bigger lies. There are bigger things. Wait, what is the truth? Oh, this is not just about me. I want to give up.” Walker says, “It’s not just about giving up.” “Oh s**t, yeah, this is bigger. Maybe I need to care. Maybe it’s not just about fixing machinery because machinery needs to work, but it needs to actually give life to people. Oh, there’s a symbiosis going on here.” All of this is a gradual incline for Juliette’s character to where we end and where we get to in season two.
At that moment though, at the end, she’s up on the edge of the hill, and she turns around. She’s already discovered that it really is a wasteland out there. She doesn’t jump up and down. She doesn’t do a death sign. She doesn’t do anything to communicate back to the people still in the silo. Did you ask Graham? Did you ask the directors why they didn’t want that? Why do you think she doesn’t try to communicate something to them?
I think she doesn’t because she’s in a new space. I think when you are still absolutely petrified, there is no jumping up and my suit can fucking shred. This is all I have. You are still careful. You are observing. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, what are they going to do? I’m going to jump up and down and they’re going to go, “Oh, come on back in.”? It’s clearly not a system that wants her inside, not to give away too much. So what is she going to do? Save herself by going, “It’s all good.” [Laughs.] Maybe. Look, I’ve walked this far. It’s kind of, there’s not much more to do. It’s more the connection of, “O.K., there you are. I don’t know what I’m looking at, but I’m going to focus. What the f**k is this? Oh, this is out of mind. What the f**k is happening in front of me?”
I don’t know how much you’re on social media in terms of seeing how people react to projects you are a part of, but there is a super passionate fan base for this show, and we were super excited about it. Have you gotten any feedback about that?
I know that a lot of people like it because I know that people are watching it. So, I get digits and numbers, not too much because digits and numbers are important to keep secret, but I know that people love it. And I do see pictures of people from Comic Cons dressed up as Juliette, and I love all of that. But no, I’m terrified of going out on those things because I’m scared I have failed something. Or they’ll ask questions that I’m not intelligent enough to answer.
I don’t want you to give any spoilers, but you had just mentioned when you initially got the scripts for season one you thought changes were needed. Were you pleasantly surprised when the season two scripts arrived?
Yeah. I was like, “I what? And this happens. How are we going to shoot this? Oh my God, does Apple know how much this is going to cost them?” [Laughs.]
One last thing about season two. I know you shot before the strike happened and then you had to go back and finish up afterward, right? Was that a tough transition?
To be honest, it’s like when COVID happened, people were like, “Was it hard for you?” And I think, “No, no, it’s hard for people who actually died and people who had people [who died].” For me, we had to stop because the cause was for a reason. It was for writers, and it was for actors, and things needed to be solved. The fact is, I’m one of the luckiest fortunate ones who can still live during a strike and also take care of the people around me who need help. There was no complaining. I mean, emotionally, did I have to pause a little bit? I mean, yeah, so what, do you know what I mean? We run with it and are grateful for it. But I think what was tricky was…hmmm…so, season two, season two might be filmed in two different locations. We might, right? I’m not going to go into it because I wouldn’t, which means that we could shoot a lot of people out who were in one location. So, the only things left to shoot were me and whatever my world entailed, which meant I was in every scene for the next three months with no break and no one having a scene in between. And I’ve never done that. So, that was tricky. I was from morning to evening, every scene. Every day.
Exhausting.
It was challenging but also fun because you were really in it.
Before I let you go, your “Dune” director, Mr. Villeneuve, after doing so many interviews, said, “I don’t know if I’ll do a third movie. Maybe I’ll do a third movie,” well, now, it’s sort of been revealed he’s writing the third movie, and it will clearly happen. When you were on set, were there any hints there about a third chapter? Did you guys conjecture anything about what the third movie might entail?
I just manipulate. I manipulate I just, whenever I can. Y’know those Coca-Cola commercials, back in the day when they just went Coca-Cola, big pictures, and “Fight Club”? That’s me with Denis. I just whispered little weird things in his ears that I wanted to do. He was like, “Oh, stop it.” Oh, to be honest, it’s completely out of my hands. He has clearly made a spectacular world…
Absolutely, 100%.
And it is banking and people are loving it, and it has the most phenomenal cast in it. Of course, there would be a third one, but it’s a lot of pressure on Denis. It’s a lot of pressure to continue. And when do you make the creative decision? Do you go when it is at the best, or do you make one that could fail and not be as good? It’s a really tricky conversation. It depends on the script; it depends on the money. It depends on all of the actors that have not got a deal for the third film. That’s a lot going on there. So there’s a lot to take into consideration before just writing a third script, you know?
Well, I do think people are excited about it because that third novel is so different, and he’ll have to go in some interesting directions to tie it into maybe the other two.
I mean, I haven’t read it, so I literally dunno. So what happens? Go on.
Oh, I don’t know if we have time to go into all the details. [Laughs.] But, it has been hinted that your character’s son may not be the Messiah that they think he is.
Oh, yeah. I know.
You know that part.
I mean, come on. Clearly, we’re not going to be that close to the book. That’s ridiculous. Although I would love to see Timothee turn into a worm. As long as my character doesn’t go and sit [somewhere] hot and covered in fabrics, I’m happy.
Oh, was it super hot shooting the second film?
No, no, no. But I think in the book she goes away and disappears for a bit and sits. Y’know, she’s Reverend Mothering underneath all of it. [Laughs.]
I can’t imagine she isn’t around more than that. Something tells me that the themes of the first two movies suggest to me at least that she’d be part of it.
I hope so; I mean, I’ll be a teapot.
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egophiliac · 5 months
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HOW WE FEELING ABOUT THE UPCOMING NEWSS 👹👹👹
man, it's a good thing they stopped doing the episode 7 SSRs, because I'm really low on keys and gems right now and --
OH NO
#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 chapter 6 spoilers#IT'S MY BOY#MY BEAUTIFUL ELECTRIC BOY#LOOK AT HIM! HE'S A BIG BRAVE KNIGHT!!!!!!!#but in a good way or a bad way. IS IT IN A GOOD WAY OR A BAD WAY TWST?!#'armor of the eternal night' that's not ominous at all NOPE#malleus is nightmare moon confirmed#wait. wait. hold on. armor of the eternal KNIGHT. ha ha i'm sorry i'm losing my mind a little#me zooming in to the banner as if that's going to tell me anything new: is that a crocodile mask. is he wearing baul's mask.#they did the half mask thing in lilia's card too so i think it's just to show his face in the card art. but it could also be a Thing.#I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING#god this is cerberus ortho all over again. what could it possibly MEAN#someone on the twst pr team really loves seeing us lose our goddamn minds huh#okay okay okay i'm cool i'm good i'm calm#let me just arrange my red thread on my corkboard here#unified exams end on the 11th so we're looking at >2 weeks here#eeeeek#sorry jamil your kelkkarotu card looks lovely but we'll have to catch up later#(do love that they straight-up were like 'kelkkarotu rerun featuring jamil as sir not appearing in this story')#man i'm so glad my horrible shrieky son is getting a big fancy story card#i hope this means silver gets one too#i hope this means EVERYONE gets one too#YOU GET A FANCY STORY SSR! AND YOU GET A FANCY STORY SSR!#DECADENTLY-ILLUSTRATED PLOT TWISTS FOR EVERYONE
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snixx · 2 months
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got queerbaited into reading a book by chatgpt. is this rock bottom
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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fictionadventurer · 6 months
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According to the app, I've got fifteen minutes left in The Heir of Redclyffe, but I don't want it to be over.
#the heir of redclyffe#charlotte mary yonge#it's so odd#there's some of the 'swimming through legos' feeling to the prose that reminds me of reading little women and other earlier victorian books#where the prose is wordy in a workmanlike way so you can't really call it beautiful or skillful#but also the characters are worthwhile enough that it's worth the extra work#and when i think back on plot events it's kind of astounding how big a deal they've made over such very small events#but yet#there's a depth to that smallness#gives a sense of the spiritual significance of even the tiny stupid conflicts of daily life#(even when i don't buy into their victorian codes of conduct)#'the greatest drama in life is the battle for a single human soul' and all#which also makes it possible to read *too deeply* into this story so i gotta watch out#but i know i'm going to be thinking about these characters and their journeys for a long time#there's a lot of 'telling' along with the 'showing' of these arcs but they're still good arcs#she's so subtly brutal to these characters#losing all hope for the future can still leave you in joy#getting everything you ever wanted in life can be the worst possible outcome#(and not just because of the depravity of wealth or whatever)#(but because the circumstances of getting it are nothing like how you wanted it )#and the pacing is actually working surprisingly well#a lot of classics have this point where the last third or quarter has radically different circumstances from the rest of the book#and it usually feels weird to me and it's hard to think of it as the same book#but in this book that section might be my favorite in the story#the long denouement really gives you a chance to see how these characters grow#i'm a little worried she won't be able to leave everything in a satisfactory place with the page count we have left#but also if it never ends i never have to find out if she drops the ball or not
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if-th3n-else · 1 year
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On the bright side, the selfish gremlin I am, is happy to have a good TV show adaptation not being trendy and having to enjoy it without all the annoying mainstream drama. I don't like to share my things with a big audience.
There, I said it.
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suncoved · 8 months
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OUCH! — RAFE CAMERON
pairing; boyfriend!rafe cameron x clumsy!fem!reader
summary; rafe wouldn't trade his clumsy girlfriend for the world.
warnings ; bit of blood (blood nose), fluffy fluff, ooc rafe fsss
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you let out a huff to yourself as you reach your hand up to your forehead, clutching it softly and praying to yourself that you weren't sweating profusely. it was deathly hot in the outerbanks today, and your usually 5 minute walk to the cameron house had slowly turned into 15. you did not work well with heat, even after living in the obx for your entire life.
you knew if you called rafe and asked him to come get you at your house he probably would, but you wanted to have some dignity.
trying not to explode with happiness, you stepped into the doorway of the cameron house. with the ac cooling your body, you sighed in relief and made your way to the kitchen. you were always welcome at rafe's, you were there more than you were at your own house.
you heard someone yell your name behind you, whipping around to see rafe's little sister wheezie bolting towards you. "hi wheezie girl" you said as she really knocked you down from the force of her embrace. you had known wheezie since she was a baby and she loved and adored you like a big sister.
you ruffled her hair as she hugged you, though you were both quick to pull back from the heat still prevalent in your body temperature. "how'd the algebra test go?" you asked, adjusting her glasses that were now crooked on her face.
"not good, another D" she sighed, moving towards the kitchen counter as your eyes followed her movements. "its ok wheeze. you'll do better next time, i know you will." she smiled at you lovingly, before turning her eyes back to the current math question she was working on in her book.
you brought yourself to the kitchen cabinet, reaching in to pull out a glass. you loved rafes house, it was beautiful and clean and it had all your favourite things. food, blankets, a pool, an endless array of books and rafe, of course.
wait. where was rafe?
"where's your brother wheeze?" you asked, taking a sip out of your now full cup of water. "he went down to the gym with topper and kelce a bit ago, he's in one of his moods" she sighed, referring to the particularly touchy moods rafe gets in every once in a while.
which means he's extra pissed off than usual.
good.
you said goodbye to wheezie and made your way back out into the heat, walking down the steps and around the house to where the camerons gym was. you heard the loud rap music from miles away, the grunts of the boys echoing louder and louder and you got closer.
you got distracted from the damage of the hurricane on the shore of the beach outside the cameron house, your feet carrying you unconsciously towards your final destination.
you skimmed your eyes over the backyard, the pool foggy and murky, leaves and branches floating on top of the water. you bit your lip to stifle a laugh at wheezie jumping up and down with her phone in the air, trying to get wifi.
you were worried about how hard the cleaners and gardens were going to have to work to get the yard back in shape, but before you could come to feel empathetic for them, a searing pain arose on the bridge of your nose.
your eyes filled with tears as you reached your manicured hand up to your nose, the red crimson liquid staining your fingers and dripping onto your new yellow sundress.
because you weren't watching where you were going, you had run smack dab into the side of the entrance to the gym, your nose hitting the hinge that was sticking out of the wall.
you could taste the metallic substance dripping down your lips, your ears ringing from the pain. yes, you were always just a bit of a crybaby, but you had a low pain tolerance and bumping your nose hurt like shit.
you could hear the sound of weight dropping aggressively as you let out a whimper, clutching your nose in your hand. it was only seconds before heavy hands made their way onto your hips, an all too familiar strong cologne engulfing your nose, making it sting even more.
but you knew who it was, so you didn't hesitate to turn your body around and lay your head on his chest, your hand still protectively covering your nose. you couldn't help but sob at the pain, soft shushes and a hand rubbing your back comforting you softly as you wept.
rafe felt the blood stain his shirt, but he made no effort to move, kissing the top of your head softly.
it wasn't unusual for your daydreaming to lead you to injure yourself in some way. whether it was tripping over or banging into something, rafe knew your clumsiness all too well. but he hadn't seen you cry like this in pain since the 5th grade when you fell off the monkey bars and knocked your head.
along with his sets that were yet to finish, topper and kelce were now long forgotten in his mind. all he thought about was you, and the fact that you were in pain. it made him go fucking crazy.
"baby" he sighed softly as he gently pried you off his chest, pulling back to try to get a good look at your face. your hand was covered in blood, along with your lips and chin, the crimson red still dripping from your nose.
"fuck" he cursed, watching your tears flow down your cheeks in a steady stream. rafe wasn't often calm and collected, but this was a whole different level. he was freaking out.
he quickly took your hand in his, dragging you softly up to the entrance of tannyhill. the only thing he could hear was your whimpers and sobs echoing in his head, all he could think about was you.
before you knew it you were being lifted up onto the cool surface of rafes bathroom counter, the cold marble making you shiver as your dress rode up to expose your thighs. rafe quickly grabbed out multiple tissues from the box, gathering them together in his hand.
"this is going to pinch baby, i'm sorry. hold my hand yeah?" he asked — well — demanded. you felt him bring the paper up to your face, pinching the bridge of your nose softly to stop the blood flow.
he made quick work of multi-tasking as he kept the tissue on your nose, quickly cleaning the blood of your lips and chin. he didn't look you in the eyes once as the whole ten minutes he held your nose, waiting patiently before finally pulling away.
you had never been more thankful as you felt no more blood trickle down your face — and so was rafe.
he sighed as he threw the tissue in the bin, grabbing your face in his hands and holding leaning his forehead on yours. you looked into his eyes before he closed them and took a deep breath in.
"don't ever fucking do that to me again baby."
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getosbigballsack · 28 days
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Random thought! - Husband Gojo x Wife Reader-chan #inside the diary
Hear me out! Gojo read your thoughts in your diary and came to realize that he was a terrible husband to you.
He knew he was a good lay, hence the reason he managed to knock you up three times. But as of lately, he came to realize that you weren't interested in having sex with him.
At first, he thought it was just because you were too tired, having to take care of the kids while he works, all day by yourself (in which he understands, and he praises you for being such a wonderful mother).
But that wasn't the case. He just happened to come home early from work while you were out shopping with the kids, and he got a hold of your diary.
Interestingly, he took it upon himself to skim through the pages of your book, just to see what's inside your little head. Nothing out of the ordinary, just little notes and reminders to yourself about the task you had to complete and a few words of encouragement here and there.
He usually doesn't read through your thoughts, always thinking that if you had an issue you'd come and talk to him, so he was about to put your diary back where he found it because he didn't want to pry further into your thoughts, but that's until one page in particular caught his eye.
I find it difficult to enjoy sex with my husband nowadays and I don't know why?
Words in blue handwriting are written beautifully on the paper. He kept on reading, and as he continued to move further down the line, he felt his heart break.
It’s just me, but I don't think I'm attractive enough to have sex with my husband.
I wanted to suggest the last time we had sex [that was a month ago], but I didn't wanna ruin the moment for him because he looked like he was having fun.
Satoru came home today and wanted to have sex. I told him no. He never forced himself on me. He only kissed me goodnight and left to go sleep in the guest room. I know he was upset but did he really have to leave?
It's been 2 months, and Satoru hasn't tried touching me since that night. Am I not worthy of loving anymore? He doesn't even buy me flowers anymore or take me out on dates.
He doesn't compliment me anymore, doesn't tell me that I'm beautiful. He doesn’t even call me baby girl, doll or even honey.
No more I love you, only kisses to the forehead and peck on the lips before he leaves for work in the morning.
He comes home late, I'm always alone with the kids, no more family dinners, no more kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom conversations. No more late-night kisses, no more holding me tightly in his arms while he sleeps.
Does he not want me anymore?
Sometimes I wanna visit his office with the children but I’m afraid that he’ll find my presence a bit annoying. I feel lonely without him here with me.
I should've said yes that night and spread my legs for him,
That's my duty as his wife.
To have fulfilled all my husband's needs without complaint.
But it hurts to have sex, I'm just not in the mood. I'm too tired, I just need my husband to hold me, but he's not there.
I can't complain, he's the reason I don't have to work.
But is it so bad to ask my husband to love me without having the need to touch me?
The last entry to your diary reads.
I'm going to do it today, bare the pain and have sex with my husband, just so that I can feel his love once again. 
Now he knows the real reason you won’t have intercourse with him, or let's say the reason you don’t enjoy having sex with him. You feel as though he doesn’t love you anymore, and he needs to fix that. So, until he can figure out a way to prove to you just how much he loves you, he’ll have to deprive himself of your warm loving touch. 
Later in the day when you came home with the kids, you saw your husband cooking up a storm in the kitchen. “Hey baby girl, want something to eat? It’s been a while hasn’t it.” too stunned to even say a word, you just watched as your kids, ages 3, 4 and 6 ran over to their dad and engulfed him in a big hug. He giggled and stopped whatever he was doing to bend to his children’s height and kissed every single of them on their cheeks. “Hey boys. Did you all take your mom out shopping today?” Oh, that’s right you’re a boy mom. You managed to pop three boys, all of them came out looking just like their dad, especially your eldest son. 
The boys chatted away with their dad until he excused himself and walked over to you and wrapped his arms tightly around your body. You're in a state of shock, unable to move for a moment until he whispers, “can I get a hug back?” and you did give him a hug. 
“Welcome home, have a seat, dinner’s almost ready. I cooked vegetable curry today, I know it’s your favourite,” and indeed it is your favourite. For the rest of the day, he spent time in the kitchen cooking while chatting with his kids, not without taking small glances at you. You all ate dinner together, got the kids ready for bed when night falls, before preparing for bed yourselves. 
You remembered that you wrote in your diary that you were about to try and have sex with your husband, all for the sake of feeling his love again, but that didn’t happen. Instead, you found your husband already waiting for you on the bed, fully dressed in pjs, a cup of your favourite tea in his hand and a warm loving smile on his face. 
He immediately started up a conversation with you, asking you about your day and your trip to the shopping centre. You had no clue what was going on inside your husband’s head, but it’s been a while since he last sat down and had small conversations like these, and you weren’t about to miss this opportunity. 
So with a smile on your face, you told everything that happened today and even the fact that you had to buy a bag of grapes you had no intentions of buying, but you did so because your 3 year old son stole and ate a few while you picked up a bag of oranges. The conversation went all a while until he sighed. 
“Y/N,” he whispered in a serious tone. “We need to talk. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I can’t bear the fact that my wife would be going to bed with doubts about our relationship and my love for you.”
You swallow thickly and rest your now empty cup against the nightstand before turning to face your husband fully. He reached his hand out for you, and you gently placed your left hand in his. He wrapped his large hand around your finger and gently pulled you until you were straddling his lips. You swallowed that thick lump yet again, before whispering, “So what is it that we need to talk about.”
“Why do you always refuse to communicate your feelings with me?” he asked as he let go of your hand and wrapped both hands around your waist and rested his head up against your chest. “I know I haven’t been a good husband to you these past few months, but I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you or that you’re not worthy of loving.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
He sighed heavily before taking a deep breath. “I found your diary in the living room when I got home, and I read through your notes.” Your body tensed up in his lap, your mind immediately racing towards negative thoughts. Is he angry? Why did you have to carelessly leave your diary out in the open for him to see. 
“Oh!”
“I’m sorry for reading through your diary, but I’m happy that I did because my wife won’t communicate with me,” he said with a frustrated sigh. 
You frowned, “Would you have listened even if I tried?”
“I would’ve dropped everything and listened to whatever it is that you have to say. I know it's my duty to ensure that my wife is living her best happy life, and that it’s also my responsibility to take care of your wellbeing, but I can’t always know what's going on with you if you don’t communicate with me.” 
Communication on your end has always been a big issue in your relationship with your husband. It bothered him and he’d hope that after a while you would’ve grown out of your bad habit, but he guess he’s wrong, because here you are now after 8 years of being a relationship total and that includes the four years of marriage, and 3 kids later, you still struggling to figure out a way to communicate your feelings with him. 
“I broke my heart when I read that you thought that as my wife, your duty is to only provide for me sexually or even the fact that you don’t think that you’re attractive enough to have sex with me. What hurts me the most is that you have so many doubts about my love for you. Y/N you know that I love you right?”
“I do,” your voice trembled slightly as you answered. 
“Then why are you doubting my feelings for you? I apologise for leaving you to sleep in the guest room that night, it was wrong of me to be upset all because you told me no.” There was a moment of silence, you figured he was waiting for a response in which you never gave.
“I know I don’t say this as much as I need to, but I love you. I LOVE YOU so very much. I love you as my best friend, my wife and I love you even more as the mother of my children.” Tears started to obstruct your vision as you stared off at your wedding portrait that was above your bed and listened as your husband poured his hurt out to you. 
“I need you to stop thinking that you are not worthy of loving because you are more than worthy. You’re an amazing woman, an amazing wife, and an amazing mother to our children. Just the fact that you're a mother makes you worthy of loving.” 
“Satoru… I- I,” you stuttered, trying to formulate the words inside your mouth, but even if you did, what are you going to say to your husband? You had not one clue. 
“I’m not a mind reader Y/N, so you need to start communicating your feelings with me, because if you don’t tell me, I’m not going to always know,” he said to you as he snuggled his head against your chest. 
“I- I’ll do better.” 
“I’m happy to hear that, and I promise to show you just how much I love you and do whatever it is to ensure that my wife is happy, because your happiness means the most to me. I’ll get you those flowers you want, and I’ll try my best to buy you loads of flowers in the future. And about visiting my office.”
“Yes?” you said. 
“I would love for you to pop up at my office one day with the kids and surprise me. My workers have been dying to meet my beautiful wife and children. And about the late-night work meetings. I can’t promise you that there won’t be any more late-night meetings, but I'll do my best to get home as early as I can to be with you and the kids. I don’t want you to feel as though I’ve abandoned you with the kids. I’ll take a few days off from work too and take the ends out. You’re right we barely have family time.”
“Thank you,” you said smiling as you allowed those tears to run down your cheeks. 
“I’ll do better as your husband. It wasn't my intention to not cuddle and hold you tightly while we sleep. Baby you know you can always smack me in the head or do that cute silly little thing you do and crawl underneath my arms if you want to cuddle with me,” he said to you, and you let out a small giggle. 
He chuckled too as he removed one hand from around your waist to cradle your cheek. “Lastly, this is about our sex life. If I make you feel physical pain, or uncomfortable at any time during intercourse you need to let me know because the last thing I want to do is hurt you. In your diary you said that you wanted to suggest the last time we had sex. I want you to tell me what it is.”
Your face heated up immediately, why would he have to bring that up now. Couldn’t he have waited until a better time. But nonetheless despite the obvious look of embarrassment on your face you whispered, “I was wondering if… if…”
“Yes?” 
“I was wondering if we could try something outside the usual vanilla sex,” you said to him, and he cocked his eyebrow towards you. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy vanilla sex, I love having vanilla sex with you and you know how to be rough when you need to be. But I thought it would be nice if we could do something different.” 
“What do you suggest?” he asked with a sunning grin on his face. 
“Maybe we could try using some sex toys.” 
“Sex toys heh?” he said, and you quickly covered up your face with your hands. “I’m open, I don’t mind getting a few sex toys here and there for us to use. I can order us a few online on another day.”
“Ok…”
“Good girl. I love you.” he whispered as he kissed your lips. "I promise I'll be a better husband for you."
“I love you too, Satoru.”
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My Mouse (Mouse series) - Max Verstappen
Summary: Max gets y/n a gift and she decides to return the favour, she just doesn't expect him to take such huge pride in showing every person the gift.
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If there was one thing to know about mouse, it's that as much as she loves seeing Max with the driver number 1. She has a much softer spot for his 33. Despite them having not been dating when his number was still 33, unsurprisingly perhaps, she was a fan of his during that time of his career.
"Mouse! I got you a surprise. Where are you?" Max declares walking into the apartment while y/n looks up from her book that she's been burning her way through.
"Lounge." Y/n states not raising her voice because even alone would she really be that loud. In fact the only time her voice might raise is in destress or pain.
Max appears grinning at her with a gift bag and bouquet of flowers in tow and she frowned because honestly Max is not the frequent gift giving type. It's not really y/n's preference of love language, and unless it's a holiday or birthday she sees no reason for random gifts.
"I saw one and thought that you might like it-I know you think random gifts aren't what you prefer to be on the receiving end it." Max smiles while handing her the flowers which she does seem happy to take. Flowers aren't something so expensive that she feels guilty accepting them.
"They're beautiful. Thank you." Y/n grins before leaning forward to kiss him properly in thanks.
"And this." Max hums placing the bag next to her and taking her book, picking up the book mark and sitting in between the pages as he watches her with careful eyes. "Just open it before you make one of your judgy faces."
Y/n grumbles over the suggestion she'd make any "judgy" face but she opens the gift bag and pulls out a jewellery box with big eyes of curiosity. Max is not the type to buy jewellery for her as a casual gesture. Not because he doesn't like jewellery but just because she has her core pieces and she doesn't very often wear anything in addition to them
So for him to buy something he must be confident it would make as an addition to her daily jewellery.
When she sees the necklace she blinks a couple times as tears cloud her vision.
"Mouse?" Max frowns not really expecting the tears.
"I love it." Y/n hiccups nodding and handing it to him. "Help me with it?"
A simple thin chain necklace with the most perfect two letters and two numbers. MV33.
Of course Max takes the opportunity to kiss her neck gently once the claps is latched and she immediately leans back against him for it.
"I don't know why I decided to get you it. But I know you like my old number and I thought it would be better than just putting my name on the necklace." Max states then placing another kiss on her shoulder. "You look beautiful today."
"Stop it." Y/n mumbles getting flustered over such a simply compliment. It's actually one of the things Max loves about her, such a reaction to something that is so simply but very much true. "This is easier to wear everyday rather than the medal you gave me."
"I think so too." Max laughs as his hand rubs over her over. "Do you want you book back to read? I know I interrupted."
"No. I was just reading till you got back." Y/n hums moving her hand to play with his then drifting her hand over his bare wrist and suddenly and idea pops into her mind.
-
In truth y/n was beginning to lose confidence in her decision to get Max the gift she got him. But she'd bought it and keeping it from him for longer was only making her more anxious about his possible reaction to it.
"Mouse, I was wondering where you'd got to." Max smiles as she appears nervously in the garage, not used to arriving there without Max holding her hand and not being overly confident about being welcomed on her own.
Not one of the Red Bull team would dare to even think about making her feel unwelcome, hell most of them avoid looking at her because they know just how shy she is. That nickname didn't come from nowhere and if he own boyfriend knows about how shy she is then they aren't going to risk scaring her with an unintentional look shot in her direction.
Unsurprisingly y/n is silent as she greets Max with a kiss and smile.
"What's this?" Max asks gently tapping the gift bag that is held tightly in her hand, so tight her knuckles are white. "Mouse?"
"It's for you." Y/n whispers her voice wobbly with her nerves and the idea of someone hearing her. The mechanics are still yet to really catch her voice.
"We'll open it somewhere more private." Max smiles being able to read her with ease, especially when she's giving him all the signs that she would rather there no be an audience for it.
Max leads them out until they're in his driver room and then he smiles when she looks at him for a moment then holding out the bag.
"I was inspired." Y/n whispers making him frown a little in thought of what she's referring to. "Open it?"
Max takes the bag from her and pulls out a jewellery box, a spitting image of the one he'd presented her with about a month ago. But when he opens it, instead of a necklace, there's a bracelet with Mouse written in the same font.
Perfect to match her own.
"I know you don't really...wear jewellery and you have to take it off for races-"
"Help me put it on." Max cuts in with a small smile while she bites her lip to try and hide the wideness of a grin that's trying to cut across her lips. "Don't hide your smile from me, mouse."
"Don't wear it if you don't want to." Y/n mumbles always the people pleaser and never wanting to force someone to do something by obligation.
"Are you kidding? Mouse, I love it. Now we match and now even if you aren't around then I have a little piece of you with me." Max grins as she finally latches the clasp, his response to her offer of him not wearing it being enough reassurance that she can actually help him put it on without feeling like he's forcing himself to endure such a think on his wrist.
"Does it feel ok?" Y/n asks softly checking that it's not too tight or too loose, but also making sure it's the right fitting for him.
"Perfect. I'm going to show it off to everyone." Max grins and the confidence in his voice actually makes her worry about his follow through on his words.
"You don't have to do that." Mainly because she hasn't exactly flaunted the necklace, though some fan pages spotted it in photos taken of her and zoomed in. Most think that she bought it for herself and she doesn't have the courage even from behind a screen to correct them on it.
"I want to." Max shrugs grinning down at the bracelet and admiring it as if she has just given him the best thing he's ever received. He doesn't even smile at his WDC trophies in such a way.
Later he proves to follow through on exactly his words. In an interview the journalist spots the bracelet and he doesn't shut up.
"My girlfriend got me it. Mouse is the nickname I gave her and it's very special between us so when I got her a necklace she wanted to get me something in return that was equal. But I think she knows I'd prefer a bracelet to a necklace." Max explains just gushing over the whole thing as he stares down in admiration of it all. "It's nice, no?"
"Very nice. It's cute that the two of you are matching."
-
Turns out that the bracelet became a new ways for y/n to occupying her gaze and handles, fiddling with the chance as she holds onto Max when he's close by.
Max has also taken to using the necklace a means of hooking his finger under the chain and pulling her into kisses. Something that to everyone's surprise y/n caught a picture of and did post online as part of a celebratory post following a race win.
"You can admit it, you like showing off sometimes, mouse. You are dating the world champion." Max comments as y/n scrolls through some photos of the two of them from the weekend.
"M' not showing off." Y/n mumbles then poking him in the ribs for the part about her dating the world champion. She may not choose the most effective methods of humbling him but he knows to rein it in when she does make the effort. Even if he is only joking when he makes such comments. "Everyone else gets to show their relationships."
"You can show off more. I wouldn't stop you, mouse." Max smiles but really he knows it's not his side of it all that is stopping her. She has, obviously, never been one for showboating or parading herself around. Not in person and not online. Even that one post is one of 3 out of her 67 posts on instagram that even include a picture of her. Max is almost certain there must be more appearances of her on his Instagram than on her own.
"I know." Y/n shrugs with a small smile she throws her phone down and simply cuddles into Max, deciding she wants to sleep through the flight. Her hand seems to instinctually go to his wrist playing with the chain of his bracelet. Smiling a little harder when Max kisses her forehead.
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asbealthgn · 1 year
Text
Eddie is used to getting recognized in public, but it doesn’t mean he likes it.
And Gareth knows how much he doesn’t like it, so Eddie’s not really sure why his best friend has completely abandoned him like this. Well, maybe abandon is a little dramatic. He said he’d be right back, but that was half an hour ago, and there’s only so many times he can circle the park and dive into bushes anytime someone gets too close. Which is why Eddie left the park altogether and is now sitting at a bus station. No one would expect notorious Corroded Coffin frontman Eddie Munson to be at a bus station, right?
Except he’s not sure the hat and sunglasses and incongruous location are quite doing their job. A group of kids across the road have stopped and they’re all whispering amongst themselves as they look at him. Eddie really wishes he had something to conceal himself with, but his hand over his face would definitely look way too suspicious. He’s thinking he might just have to cut and run and take his chances back in the park bushes.
That is, until the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life sits in the seat next to him, unfurling a giant map that easily shields both of them. Eddie’s fucking savior.
“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get to Japantown, would you?” the guy asks.
As it happens, Eddie does know how to get to Japantown. He hasn’t actually ridden the bus in years, but he still remembers the route. “Yeah,” he says, pointing it out on the map. “You just get on line five headed east and ride it like nine or ten stops until you get to McAllister and Fillmore. From there you just have to walk a few blocks to get into the area.”
The guy looks at him with big eyes, brown and a little droopy. “McAllister and Fillmore,” he repeats, like he’s trying to memorize it. He has pretty pink lips, glistening a little like he’s wearing lipgloss. 
Fuck, he’s adorable. And looks a bit prone to getting lost. And Eddie’s still kind of mad at Gareth for leaving him high and dry out here. So as the bus pulls up to the stop, Eddie figures what the hell?
“I’m actually headed that way,” Eddie says, standing. “I can show you.”
The guy’s whole face brightens and fuck, he really is gorgeous. “You don’t mind?”
“Not at all, big boy.”
The bus is blessedly empty other than one shriveled up lady sitting towards the front with her groceries and a teenager in the middle with giant headphones and their nose in a book. Eddie heads to the back with the guy, who now has a faint blush dusting his nose and cheeks.
“I’m Steve, by the way,” he says as he sits in the seat next to Eddie. “What’s your name?”
So that confirms that Steve doesn’t know who he is. It didn’t seem like he did from how he was reacting, but it’s a bit of relief to know for sure. “Eddie,” he says, bumping his shoulder into Steve’s. “Nice to meet you.”
Steve gives him a smile that’s about as radiant as the sun as he nudges Eddie’s shoulder back. “You too.”
“So what do you have going on in Japantown?” Eddie asks.
“I’m headed to a baby shower for some friends who live near there,” he says, “Well, it’s not a real baby shower.”
“No?”
“‘Cause it’s not a real baby. That is, it’s not a human baby.”
Eddie lifts his eyebrows. “I think you lost me.”
Steve twists in his seat and starts gesturing with his hands. “Well, it all started when they found out that one of their cats wasn’t actually spayed and had gotten knocked up by a stray,” he says, “And Robin was like, ‘Hey, more cats, that’s a good thing,’ and Nancy was like, ‘No, our neighbors already think we’re crazy cat ladies.’”
“Uh huh.”
“So they compromised and decided they would keep one kitten and give the rest away,” Steve says, “So it’s less of a come give us presents for our baby shower and more of a please take our babies away shower. You know?”
“Oh yeah, one of those,” Eddie says, and Steve laughs. 
“Hey, are you in the market for a kitten?” he asks. “Cause if you are, I totally know where you can get one.”
It’s Eddie’s turn to laugh. “Honestly?” he says, “I’ve got nothing else going on. Why the hell not?”
Steve gives him another one of those radiant smiles and Eddie can’t help but hope he gets more than a kitten by the end of this.
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angxlofvenus · 10 months
Note
hi, hi, hi! could I request the brothers + diavolo during a meeting together when their s/o (the mc) starts to doze off and then suddenly faint? Turns out, the MC forgot to drink water that day-
That happened to mr a few days ago, it wasn't fun - so here's a reminder for you to drink some water too :')
Thank you so much for the request!!! I am so so sorry to hear that happened, I hope you're doing better <3 If anything in this post seems insensitive please let me know! Have a wonderful rest of your day/night
Genre: Mostly fluff, Some Hurt/Comfort Ship: Demon Brother+Diavolo x reader (individual) TW: Minimal cussing, mentions of fainting, mass panic, yelling, second person pov for reader (If I missed anything please tell me!!)
When You Faint
You watched as the clock slowly ticked by the minutes as the Demons around you spoke amongst themselves, Your talking had slowly come to a stop as the room started to spin, Some of the men looked at you strangely but nobody expected you to fall out of your chair and onto the council room floor...
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Lucifer
He's immediately up out of his chair
Oh lord, he’s now fully in mother mode-
Barking orders at everyone, Yes this includes Dia
As soon as he gets over to you his wings are out, shielding you from everyone else
Once you come to, He isn’t letting you out of his sight
And once he finds out you fainted because of dehydration? 
He would so buy you one of those big ass waterbottles 
One of these mfs
Mammon
Freaking out pt. 1
Definitely hootin’ and hollering
He is indeed making a scene
Won’t really be on you until after you wake up because he knows Lucifer and Diavolo can do more for you then he can
After you have awoken though? He isn’t letting you out of his sight
You don’t have to worry about remembering to drink water, He’s there to remind you now!
Humans are such fragile creatures and now that he's seen that firsthand, He will barely let you do anything
He will make sure you are healthy whether you like it or not dammit
Levi
Freaks out pt. 2
Somehow freaking out even more then Mammon
He doesn’t know what to do! He leaves his room one time and this is what happens!
Will kind of just stand there in shock as everyone erupts into chaos
He isn’t the best example of someone who looks after their body lets be honest
But when ya’ll are gaming You’ll start to see some more healthy options popping up in the mix of chips and soda
He will beat himself up over not noticing, Please comfort this man before he decides you resent him
He won’t ever really bring it up but rest assured, It will never happen again
Satan
Would also run to your aid
He has read a lot of medical books in his time, He knows what to do
Would take you to a doctor afterwards, just in case
Kind of beats himself up for being unaware of your condition
I don’t think he’d freak out as badly after the incident, He knows it was probably a one time thing
Will bring up in conversation casually if you’ve eaten and drank water today, just to be sure
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Asmo
Screams
Freaks out pt. 3
Yelling at Lucifer/Satan to do something!
Will be all over you as soon as you’re awake
Don’t scare him like that! 
Will get extra pouty when he learns why you passed out
Has Ya’lls self-care sessions meant nothing to you?!
No more of that, not on his watch
He will offer you water at random times throughout the day
Studying? Water! Watching Tv? Water! Sleeping? Water! no, no, Beauty sleep is important
Beel
Doesn’t knows what's happening, Why are you on the floor?
Will stand on the sidelines concerningly as he watches Lucifer take over, He trusts his brother to help you
Will also feel immense guilt he didn’t see the signs, He just wants to keep everyone safe 🙁
When he thinks Ya’ll are doing something too straining for a human, He’ll stop to ask if you’re okay/ need a break
Will start carrying around a water bottle specifically for you 
Belphie
He totally wasn’t sleeping when it happened, nope
Woke up to his brothers and the Prince of the Devildom freaking out around you
I don’t think he’d really get too involved with helping since he doesn’t actually know wtf just happened
If you don’t immediately perk back up, He’s gonna cuss out Lucifer and maybe try to fight him
Gets a little snappy at everyone (except you ofc) after the incident
He even started to set alarms on your DDD as reminders to drink water
Will tease you just a teeny bit, But you can tell how worried the entire thing actually makes him
Diavolo
Was over to you in record time
Commands everyone to step back from you while he calls Barbatos and a royal doctor
You will be given the best treatment don't worry
He thinks he's being very sneaky about making you drink more water He is so obvious about it, it hurts
You will definitely notice how Barbatos now almost immediately refills your glass as soon as it’s half full
Another one to openly ask if you’ve drank enough water that day
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angelltheninth · 1 year
Note
genshin men seeing you doing domestic things and just fucking you right there and then 🤌
Domestic and sexy, that is the number one combo.
Pairing: Kaeya, Diluc, Itto, Xiao, Gorou, Childe, Dottore, Pantalone, Baizhu, Kaveh, Al-Haitham, Zhongli x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, domestic fluff, kitchen sex, couch sex, table sex, clothes sharing, bath sex, neck kissing, blowjob
A/N: I really like this format of writing, I might do it more often.
COOKING FOOD - Itto, Childe
The smell of warm food is delicious but not as delicious as your pussy when he pushes you up on the table and spreads your legs, gingerly licking up your thighs, riling you up before lapping and kissing between your legs with gusto. He appreciates the food you worked so hard to make, but right now he would prefer to have his fill of you, fill you up later and then you can eat. He'll even help you with dessert.
"That looks good babe, my favorite. Oh! You thought I meant the food. Well, yeah, that looks good too but I was talking about you. You don't get it? Let me show you then. That was a cute sound, you're cute when you yelp. Open your legs for me, let me show you what I mean."
READING - Diluc, Xiao, Pantalone, Al-Haitham, Zhongli
Just a simple thing like reading when combined with him missing you all day and him seeing you in his big shirt is enough to arouse him. His cock is rock hard when he walks up to you, offering it to you to suck and kiss. Take it slow because he wants to enjoy this. In the mean time he will read you the book out loud, make sure to pay attention alright?
"Still reading that book honey? Its not more interesting then I am, is it? Really? Tell me then, do you want it, or maybe my cock instead? I've been thinking about you all day, all those hours apart. Don't worry about your book, I'll read it too you, if you can pay attention to two things at once."
CLEANING - Kaeya, Dottore, Kaveh
Not that he doesn't appreciate you cleaning up the place while he was at work but really, you could have waited for him. He would have helped. You work so hard, as hard as him, let him take some of your stress away. He pushes you over the couch, mouth on your neck, making you whimper and back up against him. You look really pretty in that apron but its all dirty now, so naturally he has to take it off you and see where else you need to clean up.
"There isn't a spec of dust here anymore. Good job beautiful, really good. Could have waited for me though. I can lend you a helping hand now if you want. With what? Well you look really stressed, and I just so happen to know a few methods to release that stress."
TAKING A BATH - Gorou, Baizhu
Since you're not in bed by the time he comes home he goes into the bathroom next, a soft smile on his face when he finds you in the middle of getting into the bath. Go right ahead, he could use one too, its been a long day and there's nothing better then taking a relaxing bath with you. Only neither of you can relax with his hard cock poking at you. The water is already warm but you could always warm his cock up a little more with your pussy.
"Taking a bath sweetheart? No, no, its alright. I wanted some cuddles from my favorite girl but we can do that in the bath too. Let me get behind you. Mmn. Don't move too much I'm already... fuck. Okay, okay, then uhm, can you make sit up a bit, I need to slide it in."
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bimbobaggins69 · 3 months
Text
𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙨𝙮?
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𝙛𝙧𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚 𝙭 𝙛𝙚𝙢 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧
𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: when your new boyfriend Steve accidentally stumbles upon your hidden diary filled with your biggest secrets and darkest fantasies, he asks his fraternity brother Eddie; a drug dealing metalhead to help him fulfill your biggest one.
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: smut ahead, 18+ mdni, past fwb steddie, 90s au, fuck boy eddie, slight hurt/comfort, sexual tension, accidental outing (I swear he means good), oral (m receiving), throat fucking, dirty talk, unprotected p in a (m receiving), anal play (f receiving), unprotected p in v & dp in v, boy on boy action, dom eddie, filth filth filth, fluffs, longing.
𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: just an idea that’s been rotting away in my brain that I had to write down… as always thank you to my beautiful girlfriend @xxhellfirebunnyxx and the babes @take-everything-you-can & @livosssblog for beta reading.
𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 7.4k
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Date night with your new boyfriend Steve has turned into a regular weekend thing, although you had your eye on the pretty, brown haired boy all semester long, you had officially met three and half weeks ago while you were working your waitressing job at the on campus diner. He asked for your number and the two of you have been inseparable since.   
“Hey Steve, can you go grab my purse off of my desk in my room, please? I’m gonna use the restroom and then we can go.” You ask, making your way into the hallway of your apartment, you close the door to the bathroom behind you softly before going about your business. 
The brown haired boy in question walks into your bedroom and grabs your black leather bag off of your desk but before he turns to walk away, something hits his nike sneaker and bounces off, hitting the floor with a light thud.
“Shit.” Steve huffs under his breath as he bends down to retrieve the aforementioned object; it's a journal or maybe a diary? It’s splayed out on the floor, open to the very last page. Steve tries his best not to look, he doesn't want to snoop. He really, really likes you and doesn't want to give any reasons for you not to trust him so early on; but when his hazel eyes catch a glimpse of the words: “Deepest Darkest Fantasies” written in bold black lettering on the very top of the page, he can't help but to continue scanning over the rest. Words like “threesome”, “double penetration” and “guy on guy action” pique his interests. He’s no prude and has definitely had his share of gay action with a few of his fraternity brothers, one specifically that he had an ongoing friends with benefits situation with, so he’s not put off by it. What he is, is surprised, almost shocked that you would be into something like that. Most girls he met weren’t and would cut a date short if you even so much as mentioned the word bisexual in their presence. 
He hears the bathroom door click open, so he quickly closes the diary and places it back onto your desk before grabbing your bag and booking it out into the living room where he sits on a bar stool, doing his best to look as if he’d been waiting for you the whole five or so minutes. 
“You ready to go?” You ask with an excited smile that Steve just wants to kiss off of you, he already thought you were his perfect dream girl but something about what he found in your diary made him that much more attracted to you; perhaps it was the feeling of someone finally accepting every part of him. 
After a nice dinner date at your favorite sushi spot and one too many saki bombers later, you're both stumbling into your apartment, heated lips clashing together like they were set off by some sort of magnetic force. Deep, passionate kisses shared between you, as if they were going out of style. Hands roaming over each other's bodies before finding their permanent spot in the other's soft tresses.
“Need you so fucking bad, baby.” Steve whispers to you through tender kisses.
“Mmm, take me to my room, big boy.” You’re finally able to huff out as his lips move in a sloppy motion, down your neck. 
The chosen pet name makes Steve tense, the kisses he was just placing on your collar bone come to an immediate halt.
“Everything okay?” You ask as you gently scratch at his scalp with your long fingernails, making him shudder and groan with delight. 
“No, yeah everythings fine.” He scoops you up into his arms, carrying you to your bedroom and tossing you onto your bed. The stuff he saw in your diary, plus the mention of the nickname his fraternity brother/ex friends with benefits calls him, kind of set his brain on fire with thoughts of the three of you together. 
Things didn't work out with Eddie in the way Steve had first wanted them to, he was very much into partying and sleeping around whereas Steve had dreams of settling down; he had his party and meaningless sex phase for most of high school, it was no longer fun for him and when he voiced that to Eddie, the metalhead laughed and said he didn't think he’d ever settle down, which was a silent blow to Steve’s heart. He has since gotten over it and moved on all while staying friends and being roommates, but that other part of his brain was enticed at the idea of having both of you at the same time. Maybe he’d have to introduce you to Eddie and let it go from there, let you choose whether you’d want them to be the ones to make that fantasy come true.
Steve loses his train of thought when you start to remove your clothes, then he's on you again; kissing you with an intense passion that almost knocks the air from your lungs. 
“God, im gonna fuck you so good.”  
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“Come on Eddie, It’s a goddamn threesome! When have you ever turned one of those down, huh?” Steve deplores as he paces in front of his half naked roommate who’s sat comfortably in a slouched position with his head thrown back onto a saggy, discolored couch cushion.
“I'm sure I've turned one or two down in my day.” Eddie says with a smirk as his eyes follow the honey eyed boy, whose red sox cap sits backwards over that perfect quiff of brown hair.   
“Oh please, you fucked those twin sisters last month and had no moral fucking compass then.” Steve quips, exhaling the built up of irritation out through his nose.
“Well, that was just fun. Believe it or not Harrington, twins are a very niche kink and I won't sit here and listen to you kink shame me, kay?” The smirk on Eddie’s face grows to full capacity when Steve throws him a pissed off look as his hands fall to his hips, in his signature Steve stance.
“C’mon, at least meet her first before you make an indefinite decision, Eds.” Steve says while pulling out the big guns; the nickname mixed with a bat of his long lashes has his roommate instantly folding, though not without contempt.
“Fine, I’ll meet your little girlfriend and decide whether I wanna fuck her or not.” Eddie huffs out as if he’s doing Steve some big nuanced favor. “Now move, you're blocking the Tv.” The metalhead declares as he tosses an overstuffed throw pillow at the former jock. 
“You’re not fucking her, we’re fucking her!” Steve shouts as he smacks the pillow out of his face, letting it plop to the floor before he turns around and makes his way to his bedroom to think of the best way to bring this up to you without having to reveal that he accidentally read your diary. 
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“So, we’re meeting your friend here?” You ask your boyfriend as he opens the door to the sports bar for you before ushering you inside with a light slap to your ass.  
“Mhm, my good friend and roommate, Eddie. He’ll be here soon.” Steve hoped he wasn’t being too obvious, although he did doubt you’d catch on without any significant reason to. His nerves were getting the best of him and he felt guilty for doing this behind your back, maybe he should talk to you about this first? But, he figured you could still just meet Eddie on a friendly basis without the added pressure of possibly choosing him to be a third.
Once the hostess sits you down at your table, an unfamiliar head of fluffy waves comes bounding through the crowd, his eyes scanning the restaurant before falling on Steve, who immediately stands up and waves a hand above his head, making Eddie roll his eyes at Steve’s dramatic gesture. 
“Sup Harrington,” The metalhead greets before his eyes fall to you, sitting meekly with your hands in your lap and a nervous, tight smile on your face. Eddie couldn't be bothered to take his eyes off of you. He was stunned and it wasn't because he didn't think Steve could pull such a beautiful girl. No, obviously king steve could get whoever he wanted, this was because he too found you unbelievably beautiful and something that Eddie learned early on in his friendship with Steve was that they did not have the same taste in women which is why they never tried for a threesome before, but you oh your were the exception.     
After the drinks were flowing through everyone’s veins and the pizza and wings had been devoured, conversation started out light-hearted with lots of banter between the boys. It was clear they were very good friends; how good was still up for debate but you could clearly see that they cared for each other which warmed your heart because Steve deserves all the love in the world. You had never met anyone like him and were grateful he essentially fell into your lap or more so came into your diner and asked for your number.
“So, what other fantasies were in this diary?” Eddie smirks as he looks between you and Steve with a playful, mischievous look in his eyes. 
“I’m sorry?” You ask, confused about the question but your heart drops when you see Steve shut his eyes and bow his head as if Eddie just divulged a big secret and by his reaction you were pretty sure he did. 
“Oh, was I- did she not- fuck.” Eddie’s shoulders slump and his smile fades as he looks at you and Steve with regretful eyes. 
“You read my diary?” You ask, turning towards Steve as your voice tumbles out so sullen and soft, making both of their hearts ache. 
“I’m-I’m sorry baby, I was gonna tell-” he begins before he’s being cut off by a now pissed off version of you. 
“Wait, so this wasn’t me just meeting one of your friends because you genuinely wanted me to, this is because of the things I wrote in my diary? What, were you trying to set up some kind of threesome?” You scoff as both boys look down into their laps, you can feel the shame rolling off their backs and you couldn’t help the betrayal you felt. 
“I’m gonna go, I need some time to think.” You say abruptly standing from the booth, but before you could take a step, they’re both stopping you.
“No, baby just let me take you home.” 
“I can drive you home, princess.” 
They say in unison, and as much as you wanted to stay and possibly entertain this thought of having a threesome, your humiliation wins over and you just need to get as far away from the both of them as possible. 
“I’m fine, I’ll talk to you later.” You snap before making your way out of the restaurant, but instead of calling for a taxi like you probably should have, you impulsively decide to begin your three mile walk of shame back home. 
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You’ve been stewing in your own feelings of treachery for two days, and although you're still upset; thoughts of the frizzy haired metalhead haven’t left your mind. If it came down to really having this fantasy you have laid awake many nights thinking about, fulfilled; would you really want it to be with him, or more importantly them? The burning in your lower belly and the need to snap your legs together, gave that answer away fairly quickly. 
As you settle onto your couch with your favorite spicy book in hand, the shrill ring of your house phone has you up within seconds. Your heart begins to beat frantically out of your chest at the thought of it being Steve on the other end, you weren’t sure if you were ready to forgive this whole mishap quite yet, even if you haven't stopped daydreaming about it.
“Hello?” Your voice comes out groggy, having not used it for hours as you’ve been cooped up in your apartment, feeling sorry for yourself about something that you were now questioning was as bad as you’ve made it seem. 
“Hey.” The voice that comes out over the crackle of the phone speaker isn't Steves but it is familiar to you in the sense that you’d just heard it not even three days ago.
“Eddie?” You question with disbelief. 
“Aw, you remembered princess.” You can hear his smug smirk through the red plastic you are now white knuckling.
“What’s up Eddie? Is Steve okay?” You ask, trying to politely move the conversation along. 
“I mean he hasn’t eaten for two days and has been sulking in his room if that's what you're wondering.” The new information pulls at your heart strings, you truly didn't think Steve would be too sad over your decision for space; and although what he did wasn't entirely okay, you still wanted nothing more than to run and comfort him. 
Eddie takes your silence as an excuse to keep going, “Um, well I was just calling to see if maybe I could come by and talk to you, please?” He breathes heavily into the speaker making you cringe at the loud crackle, you can hear the desperation to fix things in the tone of his voice. 
“Yeah sure, we can talk.”
It takes Eddie 20 minutes to get to your apartment after you'd given him your address and safe wishes, which seemed to have taken him by surprise. What was the big deal with telling someone to ‘be safe’?
The knock at your door has your palms clammy, you couldn't deny the idea of seeing Eddie and being alone with him, made you nervous. 
Maybe you weren’t as innocent in this as you thought. 
“There she is.” The smile that graces the long haired boy’s face along with the rasp in his voice instantly has goosebumps spreading over your heated skin. 
“Hi, um c-come in.” You stutter, moving from the doorway, your hand gripped tight on the doorknob in order to close it behind him. 
“Nice place.” He says while his eyes roam over the living room, the wide smile never leaves his face until his chocolate orbs find yours. 
“Thanks.” You give him a half smile before you're sitting back down on your couch. You bring your slouch sock clad feet up and tuck them underneath you, protectively as if some kind of defense mechanism. Eddie can’t help but think you’re the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen.
“Sit. So what did you wanna talk about?” Your voice slightly trembles as you motion for the metalhead to sit down in the spot beside you. 
“I came here to tell you that Stevie means well, he really would never do anything to hurt you. I swear. I’ve never seen him so upset over someone.” Eddie’s words come out in a jumbled panic as if he’s anxiously trying to get you to see things from another perspective, and before you can get a word in edgewise, he’s continuing. “He just thought it’d be a good idea since me and him used to bang, so I'm familiar, ya know? And he really wanted to make this ‘fantasy’ come true for you.” The way he so casually drops the bomb that him and Steve used to fuck, causes your eyes to grow as wide as saucers.
“Oh fuck! Did you not know that either? Jesus Christ nobody tells me anything, I-Im just gonna shut the fuck up.” He huffs a nervous laugh before running his hands through his brown waves that sit tousled down his mid back.
You wanted to scoff and say yeah, same. But decided against it once you caught a glimpse of his big glassy doe eyes.
“I’m sorry, I just thought because he came to me with the threesome thing and the shit about you watching us fuck around, I-I guess i just thought you had to at least know. I’m- fuck he’s gonna be so pissed at me if you break up with him over this.” Eddie's head falls into his hands before he begins to shake it out of pure disappointment in himself. 
“Hey, I'd never break up with someone over their sexual past.” You say before scooting closer to his body and wrapping your arms around his torso to comfort him, the action causes your face to snuggle in close to his leather jacket covered chest that smells like a mixture of musky cologne, weed and cigarette smoke.
“God, you're such a special girl, you know that? I can see why he likes you so much.” Eddie mutters as his hand rubs gently in an up and down motion on your back.
You can’t help but to snuggle in deeper, as his soft touch and low purr of his voice, now lulls you to absolute comfort. You had never felt so safe in any other man's arms other than Steve’s, and the revelations from that fact and the one of Eddie and Steve having already had sex, causes the flames to lick up throughout your body and you already know the answer to whether you want them to be the ones to provide you with this fantasy. 
“I wanna do it.” You say without much thought, the words are slightly muffled by Eddie’s jacket but he hears you loud and clear. His eyes widen in surprise as you look up at his face from where your head sits shyly hidden in his chest. Fuck, you were really doing things to him. 
“Wanna do what, sweet girl?” He whispers down towards you before moving a stray strand of hair out of your face. He hopes you mean the threesome, but he’s not apposed to fucking you right here on your couch, steve be damned. But he immediately feels guilty at that thought. 
“Being with you and Steve at the same time.” You whisper as you blink up at him with a nervous look in your eyes.
“No, no. Say what you really want, princess. Go ahead.” Eddie says back, but this time with a more domineering edge. His thumb swipes over your bottom lip ever so slightly, before he’s rubbing it along your jawline. “You can do it for me, baby. Just say it.” 
His face is within inches of yours and you want to kiss him so badly but you also want to give him what he’s asking for. 
“I want you and Steve to use me and fuck my holes.” You purr back before bashfully biting at the plump skin of your bottom lip.
Eddie almost chokes on his spit, he was expecting you to say something along the lines of “I want you and Steve to fuck me.” But him and his cock weren’t prepared for “use me and fuck my holes.” Jesus fucking Christ. 
“It’s taking everything inside of me to hold back from kissing you right now, angel.” Eddie says as he tries to steady his breathing. “But we’ll save that for later, alright? Call Steve first and then we’ll go from there.” Eddie says before placing a sweet kiss to the top of your head. He stands up and bids you a farewell before awkwardly walking to your front door with a rock hard cock between his legs. 
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“Hello-” Steve’s hoarse voice croaks out from the other end of the landline.
“Steve, baby? Can we talk?” 
You and Steve mutually agreed that your talk would be better to do in person, so he invited you over to the frat house, so you could sit down and talk with him and Eddie. Once you are ready to go, diary in hand. Your excitement from getting to see them, quickly turns to anxious nerves. 
This was all so new to you, you wondered if you and Steve's relationship would change? Or how things would be with you and Eddie? What if Steve and Eddie realize they have feelings for each other in the process and leave you in the dust? So many things you never had to think about when this was just your fantasy. 
Well you suppose those were all questions you could bring up to them once they were in front of you. You tried your best to not dwell on the unknown, although that was so much easier said than done. 
You pull up to the large brick house that sits on a huge grassy lawn. The fraternities greek letter badge sits proudly above the porch. You swallow down your nerves as you grab your bag and head towards the big iron gate that sits wide open, you walk through it leaving yourself no room to hesitate before climbing up the two steps towards the front door. 
You knock three times, crossing your arms over your chest when you glanced down and realized how much your cleavage was almost spilling from your shirt. 
“Come in!” A voice yells from the other side, making you freeze for a few seconds while a lump forms in your throat at the idea of just walking into someone else’s home. Before you can reach out towards the doorknob, it’s being opened for you and a set of sad, downturned hazel eyes meet yours. 
“Hey.” Is all he says before he’s ushering you inside. 
Once in, you can’t help but to look around. It’s huge and cleaner then you thought it’d be, considering it houses about a dozen or so guys. 
Steve can see the nervousness in your eyes, so he eases it by letting you know he was the only one home and that Eddie would be back any minute now. 
“Do you wanna sit in the living room or go up to my room?” Steve asks, as his head slightly perks up with excitement, more so hopeful than anything else. 
“Your room is cool.” You say with an awkward nod. 
His room was nothing like you’d expected, there were tons of posters all over the walls: cars, bands and naked girls were the theme. You figured it had to do with the excessive masculine facade you had to put on to be part of one of these fraternities.
Steve looks around with you and smiles sheepishly as your eyes meet a poster of two semi naked girls kissing, while one girl has her hand in the other girl's black panties.
You smile in amusement before taking a seat on his big bed, while Steve leans against his wooden desk directly in front of you. 
“I-Im so sorry, baby.” He sniffles, his sad eyes melting your heart as he continues. “I promise you, I didn’t go through your diary on purpose, it just fell and when I went to pick it up it was on that page, I-I just couldn’t look away after I seen what was in it, and that’s my fault, a-and I should’ve never went to eddie behind your back. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I just- being without you for these past couple days I realized that I-I love you. And I know we haven't been dating for very long but, I think I’ve known from the moment we stayed up all night on the phone the first very first time, I just knew then that I was gonna fall in love with you.” He unveils, making your breath hitch. 
“You love me?” You murmur hesitantly. 
“I do. So much, honey.” It’s so sincere, as if he didn’t even have to give it a second thought. 
You're up and rushing towards him within seconds, wrapping him up into a big hug. His arms instantly move to the small of your back and before you know it, he’s picking you up. He walks towards the bed, sitting down on the plush mattress before adjusting your legs to straddle his lap. 
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, baby. These lips, your voice, your beautiful smile. God, I drove myself crazy just thinking about you.” He confesses, and his low husky timber goes straight between your thighs.
“I missed you, too.” You utter as your hands play mindlessly with his brown locks. You look down into his hazel eyes from where you were sat, perched in his lap. “I love you.” The weight that's been removed from your chest with your revelation, feels euphoric. Especially when Steve's lashes flutter and a pretty smile begins to stir on his once saddened face.
Your boyfriend's fingertips dig into your waist as his grip tightens, holding you close to him in fear of losing you again. His desperation, palpable. 
“Fuck, you just made me the happiest man alive.” He whispers, a wide smile taking over his face as he snuggles his head, lovingly into your chest. 
“Steve?” You whisper back, hands never leaving his fluffy mane. 
“What is it, honey?” He asks, his eyes snapping back up to yours with curiosity. 
“I wanna do the threesome.” You quickly blurt, before cowering away when you noticed how wide his eyes had gotten. 
“Baby, n-no. You don’t have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. You can just keep it as a fantasy. If it’s something you’d like to do in the future, then we can talk about it then. I'm not gonna lose you again.” He sighs, closing the small gap between your bodies by possessively bringing you chest to chest with him, as his grip tightens to a nearly painful level, causing you to whimper. 
“I um, I know about you and Eddie.” You admit, feeling his body tense beneath you. The look in his eyes is a mixture of fear and longing.
“He told you?” It comes out sharper than he intended, but that wasn't for Eddie to confess. You were his, he should've been the one to tell you his secrets.
“Trust me, he didn’t mean to. He seemed to be just as in the dark about things as I was.” You tease gently. 
Steve’s eyes fill with regret at your words, “I know, and I’m sorry baby. So fucking sorry.” He murmurs into your skin before he’s attacking your chest with kisses. 
“I forgive you, Stevie.” You insist, silently trying to work up the nerve to say what you really want to say. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.” The boy beneath you scrunches his face up in confusion. You take a shuddering breath before you continue. “You and Eddie together.”  
He sighs, eyes slightly darkening before he's  smirking up at you. “That get you goin’, pretty girl?” 
“Mmhm, I touched myself thinking about it.” Your confession has Steve’s eyes blowing wide with lust.
“Mmm, played with that pretty little pussy to the thought of what? Hm, me getting fucked?” He groans when you can’t help but to grind your now throbbing center against his growing erection.
Before things have a chance to heat up any further, Eddie pops his head in through the doorway, making you and Steve jump and gasp at the intrusion. 
“Sorry for interrupting.” Eddie says glumly, “should I uh, go?” He points his thumb behind his shoulder towards the door, but you can clearly see from the look in his eyes that the last thing he wants to do is leave. 
“No, c’mere.” You encourage but Eddie hesitates for a moment, before he begins taking a few steps over to you and Steve. He stands right behind you, making you beam at him from over your shoulder. 
“Princess over here was just telling me something very interesting.” Steve snickers up at the metalhead, who's looking down at both of you with intense affection. 
“Oh yeah? And what was that, pretty boy?” Eddie asks, his eyes never leaving the side of your face. 
“She said she touched her tight little cunt while she thought about you fucking me.” Steve’s once hazel eyes are now black and staring you down like a hungry predator.
“That true, sweet thing?” Eddie returns, before taking your chin between his fingers and bringing your face closer towards his, for a better view.
“Yes sir.” It slips out between your lips without much thought, but the men on either side of you groan in satisfaction. Now, you’re able to feel the metalheads hardening cock poke at your lower back. 
“Before we start, I um, I brought something.” You admit before hopping off of Steve’s lap and out of the perfect little sandwich they had created on either side of you. 
You dig through your bag that you had set down on Steve’s dresser, retrieving the object that brought you to this very moment. You turn back towards the boys, realizing their gaze hasn't left you since you first stood up. You clutch the black leather book to your chest as Steve and Eddie’s eyes follow you with curious mischief. 
“Want you to look through this together, so you can, maybe see some things I’d like to try, since we’re crossing one fantasy off the list.” You hold it out for one of them to take, Eddie moves quicker than Steve, eagerly ripping the diary from your hands. 
“Hey, she's my girlfriend.” The possessiveness in the honey eyed boy's voice, has you biting at your lip from how hot you find it.
“She’s ours tonight, big boy.” Eddie retorts, and you don’t want to admit how much the word ours, has your tummy swooping with excitement.
Eddie cackles at Steve's face before he’s taking a seat beside him, so close their thighs are touching.
“Let’s see here.” Eddie sings, as he quickly flips through the more boring pages of random writings and doodles. Until a page finally captures his attention. “Ah ha.” He says with a sly grin, as his finger follows after every word he’s reading. 
“Being dominated and degraded, huh?” The long haired boy beams up at you from beneath his lashes, as if he were seeing you in a new light. 
“Has Stevie ever done any of this stuff?” Eddie asks curiously, no judgment behind his words.
 You shake your head no while Steve stays silent, his cheeks pinkening in the process. 
“Yeah, baby boy’s more submissive, isn't he? Used to get so hard when I’d boss him around.” Eddie sighs as if in some far off memory. 
Steve’s not quite used to talking about being with a man in front of you or any woman, for that matter so his shoulders tense at Eddie’s confession. You quickly ease him by running your hand along his jaw, and up into his hair, before grabbing and tugging harshly, surprising both boys with the abrupt switch. 
“Is that true, baby? You like being bossed around?” Steve begins to stammer as his eyes grow glossy with desire. 
“Fuck, I’m gonna have a lot of fun with the both of you.” Eddie smirks as he shakes his head in disbelief. 
After the boys had taken their time kissing you, and getting you all worked up and whimpering for them. They began taking your clothes off. Both of them moaning when the fact that you hadn’t been wearing a bra or panties was revealed. 
Once their gawking and dirty words had stopped, you and Eddie began working on pulling all of Steve’s clothes off, leaving you both stark naked; all the while Eddie was fully dressed in his black and leather. 
“Get on your knees, both of you.” He demands, and you and Steve obey with no questions asked; like good little pets. Eddie was so achingly hard from just that thought alone. 
You and your boyfriend worked together to get the metalheads belt and jeans undone and down his creamy thighs. His hard cock bobbing out between yours and Steve's face. Your eyes widen at the size, but Steve pays no mind to it; reminding you that they’ve already done this, you're the one that's new here. To your surprise, there was no jealousy in that conclusion. 
“Open.” Eddie demands again, leaving you and Steve to submit to his every order, and you both do without any hesitation. Opening up your mouths and lulling your tongues out in the process, leaving Eddie to slap his fat leaking tip against your wet and pink, pillowy muscles.
The long haired boy above you, growls as his eyes take in the sight before him. You and Steve are on your knees for him with your tongues out, allowing him to slap his throbbing cock against them. He’s had his share of threesomes, but none have ever made him feel like this. 
Steve finally has enough of the teasing, eagerly wrapping his lips around Eddie’s tip and sucking before he swallows it down to the hilt with no problem. Seeing your boyfriend take Eddie so perfectly, has you grinding your hips against nothing. Desperately wanting to move your hand between your thighs and rub at your swollen bundle of nerves. 
“Share with your girlfriend Stevie, no need to be greedy. There's enough of me to go around.” Eddie insists, with his signature devilish smirk. 
“Shut the fuck up.” Steve retorts, making you laugh at their boyish banter.
Steve looks at you with a bashful smile, before he’s wrapping his hand around Eddie’s shaft and bringing it closer to your awaiting mouth. 
“Go ahead, suck his cock, baby.” Steve affirms, as if you needed the encouragement. You wrap your lips around Eddie, hungirly taking him as far back as you could. 
You find a steady pace, bobbing your head up and down on him as you twist your hand along the inches you can’t take. 
“Oh fuck. That’s a good girl.” Eddie groans, fisting your hair into a ponytail. He takes the bottom of his band tee and sticks it between his teeth, and your eyes flicker up to the trail of hair that leads up to his belly button and over his toned abs. You realize as his whole torso is on display, that he has both of his pink, pebbled nipples pierced. 
“You’re both so fucking greedy for this cock, jesus.” Eddie huffs, but he’s the complete opposite of upset or annoyed, fuck no. He’s vibrating, the most excited and turned on he’s probably ever been in his life. 
“Open your mouths, hands behind your back.” Another demand you both follow instantly. 
Eddie grabs the end of his shaft in his hand and fucks into Steve’s mouth, four thrusts in and he’s removing himself and bringing his cock to your lips. He goes back and forth between your throats, as spit drips off of his dick and into puddles on the floor. 
“Up.” He says with a stern vibrato.
“You. lay on the bed with your head upside down, I want it hanging off the edge.” He says, and you make quick work at following his orders. 
“Good girl.” He whispers sweetly, before bending down and catching your lips in a dirty, hunger filled kiss. 
“Alright, I want you to fuck her wet little cunt while I fuck her throat. How’s that sound, big boy?” 
Steve nods his head in agreement, as an excited smile and hungry eyes find your awaiting, pliant body. Your boyfriend climbs over you, nestling himself between your thighs. He brings two fingers between your legs and rubs at your folds, gauging whether or not he needs to get you wetter for him. But to his contentment, you're already soaked and dripping. He grabs his hard, leaking cock and rubs it along your slit before breaching your hole. 
“Mmm.” Steve hums in delight, as he reaches the depths of your pussy, so warm and tight. 
Eddie begins to slide his cock between your lips, and you're quickly being filled at both ends. You can't help but to relish in it, the fantasy you’ve had for years, playing out before your very eyes, with you as a participant. The thought had you growing wetter and your throat relaxing while both boys pounded into you.
“She takes cock so well, doesn't she?” You hear Steve question above you. 
“So fucking good, she’s got my goddamn legs shaking from this tight little throat.” Eddie growls as he thrusts harder with each word. You hear the smacking of their lips, as they both groan and whimper between tongue filled kisses. 
“Shit, shit. I gotta stop or I'm gonna come.” Eddie pants, removing himself as quickly as possible. 
He couldn't let this be over, yet.  
Steve pulls out too, looking to Eddie for his next command. 
“Princess wants to watch us mess around, then that's what princess is gonna get.” Eddie says, throwing you a wicked smile, as he moves in closer to Steve. He grabs his cock and fists it before crashing their lips back together. 
You move towards the top of the bed, for the perfect view. But also to be out of their way, you didn't want there to be any distractions from this.
They start out kissing and stroking each other's cocks. Their tongues lapping together, sloppily as desperate moans flow through the room.
Your fingers find their way between your thighs, the tips move in a circle over your throbbing bud and you bite at your lip as your eyes never leave the scene in front of you. 
Eddie now has Steve on all fours, while the metalhead stands behind him. He falls to his knees, before bringing his tongue to the other boy's rim. He fucks him with it, making Steve mewl all the while his eyes bore into yours. You can tell he’s so turned on; his hair is a mess, his face is flushed and his eyes are glossed over with desire. The long haired boy begins prodding at your boyfriend's hole with his fingers, stretching him out enough to take his cock that is now aching, painfully.
“You ready to give our girl a show, Stevie?” Eddie murmurs into his ear, while his eyes finally take in the image of you, laid out for them; legs spread wide as you touch yourself. He can’t help but want you closer.
“Come help me, baby.” Eddie insists, as he rubs his cock against Steve’s hole. 
“Yes, sir.” You purr, crawling across the bed before you're stopping just beside him.
“Such a good girl.” He praises as both boys watch your every movement. “Hold his ass open for me, can you do that, sweetheart?” You nod at his words. 
“Yes sir, I can do that.” And you do, grabbing at both of Steve’s plump cheeks and pulling them apart, as the metalhead begins pushing into his tight hole. They both groan in unison as Eddie buries himself inside the pliant boy beneath him.
“Fuck, that looks so good.” You can't help but utter as you stare at the way Steve stretches around Eddie. 
“Yeah? Like the way your boyfriend's tight little hole looks getting stuffed with my big cock?” He grunts, his hips speeding up as he fucks Steve with a force that knocks the wooden headboard repeatedly into the wall. 
Steve’s drooling and whimpering into the mattress, as his eyes roll back with pleasure. Eddie’s cock has been hitting his prostate dead on and he’s so close to coming. 
“I, I'm gonna come.” Steve whines.
“No. You’re. Not.” Eddie growls, as he slowly pulls out of the warm, tight hole that has always taken his cock so perfectly.
“Pretty girl deserves to be fucked too, doesn’t she?” The older boy smirks, slapping the round globe of Steve’s ass. 
“Switch places.” Eddie commands. 
You bend over, ass up in the air; mimicking the exact position your boyfriend was just in.
“Jesus, you’ve got some real pretty holes, baby.” Eddie cooed, as his thumbs spread you out.
 “You ever played with her little asshole, Harrington?” He asks, before spitting a glob right onto your puckered hole. 
“Just with my fingers.” Steve admits, bashfully.
“That’s a shame. We’ll have to change that another time, but right now I’m dying to stretch out this little cunt. Fuck, she’s dripping. Just begging to be fucked.” He boasts, then he’s sinking his two middle fingers into your cunt, all the while he rubs his thumb over your spit filled asshole. 
He works his fingers inside of you, almost immediately finding your sweet spot, which instantly has you whining and biting at the bed sheets. 
“Fuck yeah, so fucking ready for me.” Eddie murmurs under his breath, before he’s removing his fingers and replacing them with his much bigger cock. “Mmm, fuck.” He groans as his head falls back and a sigh of pleasure leaves his parted lips. 
Steve sits with his back against the headboard as he watches your bodies move together so effortlessly. He can't take it anymore, so he starts palming at his needy cock as he watches the two people he cares about most, captivate and pleasure each other. 
“Get your ass over here, big boy. Come fuck her mouth for me.” 
Steve’s moving before the demand fully leaves Eddie’s mouth, making you both giggle at his desperation. “With pleasure.” The honey eyed boy marvels, as he lays down with you between his thighs. His sensitive tip sits just inches from your lips, so you grab it and incase him in your wet mouth as you begin to suck him off with gusto.
They both begin to fuck into you, like they did when this all first started. Your wetness drips down both sets of balls, and Steve can’t take his eyes off of the way you're working his cock in and out of your mouth. Your eyes are watering and spit is dripping from your chin before you take him all the way back into your throat. You shake your head, making him whimper as his eyes roll back. 
“Need to feel you, Stevie.” Eddie groans, “help me stretch her little pussy out.” He’s practically begging the pretty boy, and your body slightly tenses at the idea of both of them inside of you, stretching you out together. 
“That okay, sweet girl?” Steve asks you, tenderly. 
“Please.” Is all you can mewl, as you tighten around Eddie. 
“Oh yeah, she’s very okay with it.” Eddie teases, as he brings both palms down harshly slapping at your ass, while he waits for Steve to make his way underneath you.
Finally, he sheethes his cock in right alongside his roommates. Stretching you out to maximum capacity, and you can’t hold back the loud moans and sobs that are ripped from your throat. 
Once the sharp pain is gone and you're used to the stretch, they begin snapping their hips in unison. The feeling is so indescribable, as both cocks rub together inside of you. You're all so wet and slippery and both boys are incredibly hard, but they only grow harder as their tips rub together between your walls. 
“Oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck, want you fill this pussy up with me, baby.” Eddie groans as he talks directly to Steve. His words cause you to clench around them.
“I'm gonna come, please don’t stop. Please don't come yet.” You babble.
“We're not coming until you do, honey.” Steve chokes, trying not to moan and curse as you tighten up even more, pushing their cocks together with force.
Eddie wraps your hair around his knuckles and pulls, causing your head to snap back as your eyes meet his, upside down.
“You gonna come on our cocks? Hm? Make a fucking mess on us.” He encourages.
Both boys' hands fall to your hips, right over each other as they bring you down harder on their dicks, that are so close to exploding. 
“Yes, yes, yes!” You squeal as your body begins to jerk and shake with intensity. You come so hard you almost black out, falling onto Steve's chest. He snuggles you in closer, holding you tight as him and Eddie continue to fuck into you. Two sets of expletives fall from their mouths as their cocks twitch against each other and they empty their balls deep inside of you.
You all fall into a heap of tangled limbs, as you and both boys fight to catch your breath. Everyones silent for a few minutes, trying to take in the events that just took place. 
“Alright, I’ll leave you two alone.” Eddie mumbles with sorrowful eyes, as if he’d felt like he worn out his welcome.
“No, stay.” You and Steve mutually implore. 
“You want me to stay?” He asks, unsure if it was a good idea.
“We want you to stay.”   
★ 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬
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humansofnewyork · 6 months
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“It’s been a tough morning for me. I used to be a children’s librarian. But this morning I had to call publishers and tell them not to send me any more books. I just can’t read them anymore, not like I used to. And that was hard. It felt like I was cutting off a lifeline. It’s disappointing, the sense of not being in control of my own life anymore. Everything depends on my medical schedule, and the chemotherapy, and what my limits are. The doctor has told me to expect a couple more years, but my caretaker says she’s seen a lot of sick people. And she thinks I could be one of the ones who can beat it. For most of my life happiness was automatic. I might have had the only career where you get told ‘I love you’ three or four times a week. Maybe it happens with teachers too, but so many little kids said those words to me over the years. And I miss that. I was damned lucky to have that experience. Happiness isn’t automatic anymore, these days I have to work a little bit more for it. In addition to all the pain and the fear and having to pee all the time, I choose to do a lot of things that will make me aware of the beauty and loveliness of life. It's not magic. I don’t stop thinking about the scary stuff, I just find moments to push them aside with the ridiculous. There’s so much in life that’s ridiculous. Every Saturday morning I watch Popeye on Turner Classic Movies. It’s so ridiculous. Olive Oil is so obnoxious. And you know, she has all these men after her. It’s just really funny. And Popeye is so full of himself and somehow manages to come out of everything, eat his spinach, and win. Then there’s my laughing yoga classes, which I can’t do in person anymore. But I do them online. There’s this thing we do where people will get in lines of three or four, and we’ll pretend to have a boat race. Everyone rows as hard as they can. Someone chooses a winner, and if you lose you get to create a big scene and make an ass of yourself. It’s ridiculous. And then there’s you. You’re ridiculous. You’re stopping random people, presumably to entertain yourself. You’re sitting in the middle of the street. I mean, think about it. It’s pretty dumb.”
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