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tloujm · 3 years

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Part XX: Champ de Pâquerette

Author’s Notes: This takes place a day after the previous chapter. This part is dialogue heavy and at 3,365 words. Because there is discussion on Joel’s background, it strays from canon. Is it considered “straying from canon” when certain details were never presented officially in the first place?

Genre: Can I get a McFluffy?

Summary: Just another day during the honeymoon. The two of you flirt and talk more about each other’s background.

Ship: Joel x Fem!Reader

You woke up the next morning to the sound of hammering. You tossed sluggishly around the bed with the expectation of bumping into Joel. Instead, you’re met with an empty bed. As you pushed away the last bits of sleep, it made sense that he was responsible for the sound that woke you up. You walked up to the window with no more than your hair to cover your breasts. You opened it to let in the fresh morning air. You looked out into the backyard and found your husband off to the right fixing the fence blown down by the storm. It was a beautiful view. The backyard was basically a meadow full of wild flowers, mostly daisies. There were less trees in the back than in the front, however, so it was blanketed by rays of sunlight. You smiled as you watched on and you contemplated greeting him. You imagined his reaction; him turning around at the sound of your voice, a smile breaking across that hard exterior at the sight of your disheveled nudity.

You decided against it in favor of surprising him. He’s surprised you enough these past couple of days; you figured he deserved a little something. You took a quick bath and went down to the kitchen. The refrigerator was one of the things he stocked before he brought you to the place. It wasn’t running, as the cottage did not have electricity, so half of the space inside was full of ice. Just that detail alone, Joel lugging ice from Jackson to this little house so the two of you could eat something other than canned food on your honeymoon warmed your heart. You didn’t know if he had eaten breakfast yet, but knowing him he probably didn’t, so you decided to make some food and bring it to him. Wanting to enjoy the day and eat outside as well, you put together a little picnic. You packed up one of the empty suitcases that he used to bring things over with plates, cups, cutlery and the food that you packaged up so neatly.

Joel grunted in frustration after the nail he hammered split a piece of wood. He used the back hook of the hammer to take it out and he placed it between his lips. With the hammer still in his hand, he flipped the wood over and positioned it against the other part of the fence. A drop of sweat fell down the side of his face. He only wiped it off with the collar of his shirt after he successfully got the nail through. He took the baseball cap off that he was wearing to fan himself.

“Working hard, cowboy?” You asked as you walked through the back door.

He squinted his eyes to block the light. “Just fixin’ your fence ma’am. Your husband insisted I get’er done ASAP so the place could look nice when you got up.” He raked his fingers through his short hair and placed the cap back on.

“Oh did he? Well why don’t you take a break from all this hard work and have brunch with me while my husband is gone. I made enough food for two and I hate eating by myself.” You stopped in front of him and the fence; He was still on his knees. You handed him a glass of iced tea that you brewed.

Joel stood up and took a sip. “You sure your husband wouldn’t mind, ma’am?”

“Let me ask him.” You replied coyly. He let out a breathy chuckle as he watched you turn away from him then turn back around. “Joel, I’m sorry it’s come to this but I’m leaving you and running away with the handyman, but first I’m having brunch with him and there’s nothing you can say or do to change my mind.”

“Ouch.” Joel playfully grabbed at his chest. “You’re a natural heartbreaker ain’t ya?”

You shrugged playfully. “You started it. I just went with it.”

“Well that’s not where I was going.” Joel responded with a chuckle. “ ‘Sides, it’s never too early to start role playing.” He reached up and gave you a sloppy kiss.

“Meet me ‘round front. We’re having a picnic.” You said with a smile.

“A picnic?” He repeated.

“Yeah! Just wait. I’ll bring everything out.” You ran back towards the door.

“You need help with anything, (Y/N)?” Joel shouted.

“Nope, just relax in the shade.”

Joel watched as you struggled to bring everything out in one trip. He got up and rushed over to you, but you insisted that he sit back down. He couldn’t just sit and do nothing, so he compromised and stayed on stand by just in case you dropped something. He watched as you laid a blanket down and opened the suitcase full of picnic things. The first thing you took out was the iced tea that you made in what used to be a bulk pickle jar. You refilled his glass before unpacking everything else.

The two of you ate in relative silence. “What are you thinking about?” You asked him.

Joel let out a satisfying sigh after another sip. “You.”

“Oh? What about me has you so enthralled.”

“Everything, but I will admit I’ve had a question on my mind since you came out with the drink in your hand.”

“And what’s that?” You asked innocently.

He sat the cup down and leaned in. “When you broke my heart back there with such ease,” He offered a half smile. “I was wondering if maybe it was because you had a little practice back in the day.”

“Is that your silly way of asking me about all the men I had before you?” You winked.

“You don’t have to share with me anything you don’t want to, but I do feel like you know more about my life than I do yours.”

“Do I? How many women have you been with between me and Sarah’s mother?”

He made a face as to say ‘touche’. “No more than I can count on my left hand.” He exhaled. “The first woman I’d been with after Sarah’s mom was a blind date. Tommy convinced me that I needed to get back out there. At this point Sarah was in kindergarten---”

“Kindergarten? How young was she when she left?” You asked.

“Her mom left us without any warning, only a note saying that she dropped her off with Tommy and my dad. She couldn’t have been any older than 2 years old.”

“So, she didn’t grow up with any memories of her mom?” You asked.

He shook his head. “No, and I was fine with that. It was just me and Tommy in her life.” He cleared his throat. “So, yeah, he called himself helping me out by setting me up on a blind date after I refused to try online dating. She was pretty, I’ll admit that, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that me and her weren’t goin’ anywhere past the first date.” He glanced up at you for a moment. He noticed how you were eating his words up before looking back down at his plate. “Despite that, we went back to her place at the end of the date and we slept together.” He sighed disappointedly at himself. “I don’t know why I agreed to go over. It’d been a while since I had any...fun I guess. Taking care of a baby by yourself is lonely.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” You spoke up. He shook his head.

“After her, I told my brother no more blind dates. On nights that my aunts or cousins would spend with Sarah, I would go on down to the bar. I’d usually just flirt with the women there, buy them drinks if it was going somewhere. One night though, a woman took me into the bathroom and we had sex in a stall. It wasn’t,” He shrugged. “Nothin’ special. It felt good in the moment, but as soon as it was over and we went our separate ways, there was this feeling of...I don’t know how to describe it.” He took another swig. “You know, I used to work in construction. The guys I worked with, most of ‘em weren’t fathers. The ones who were, were much other than me. I lost most of my school friends after I got married. It was hard for me to make more because all of my time was either at work or at home with the baby. The guys at the site were cool but I was never gonna meet up with them after work for a beer. I had to pick Sarah up from daycare. Imagine how hard it was to meet someone to be more than friends with. My loneliness made me crave those few minutes I had in the bathroom stall again, so the next time I had a free night, I went back to the bar. I was more confident because I knew what I wanted. I ended up having sex with another woman in her car in the bar’s parking lot. Sarah ended up catching pneumonia sometime soon after that. Scared and watching over her in the hospital caused me to realign my priorities. I felt guilty for not being there for her. I was away drinking and fucking to make myself feel better. As tough as it was raising a little kid, Sarah was the only thing that truly made me feel joy. So that was the last time until…”

“You’re telling me, no woman has come on to you? A tall, fine, good with his hands, rough-around-the-edges-but-really-a-big-softie like yourself?” You giggled, he smirked.

“Every once in a while a lady has slipped me her number, but nothing ever came of any of them?” He smirked at the confession.

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “Mostly ‘cause I convinced myself not to. I would tell myself that giving it a chance was not worth it. I’d only been with one woman after the pandemic. Her name was Tess.” With that sentence alone, you already knew that she meant the most out of all of them based off the fact that he remembered her name. “We met at a quarantine zone years after I left the fireflies. I was by myself after Tommy decided to stay with ‘em. I found myself smuggling things in and out of the zone to earn extra ration cards. That’s how our paths crossed. She was a smuggler too. She was one of my contacts. After a while of building up trust, we decided to team up and work together for bigger payoffs. I suppose it was only a matter of time that we’d get together. We had this silent pact that she wouldn’t ask about my past and I wouldn’t ask about hers. It wasn’t a relationship though, I don’t think, not in the traditional sense. We never talked about what it was before she died.”

“How did---” You began to ask.

“She got bit. She didn’t tell me until we were surrounded by some really bad people. She convinced me to leave her behind when she showed me the bite on her ankle. She said that I still had a chance to get away, that she was gonna hold the other guys off while I ran. I almost died that day, but I kept getting back up because I didn’t want her death to be in vain. After a while of hiding, I snuck into another quarantine zone and began smuggling there. I’d only done one job before my contact told me that my next job was to smuggle a person. I immediately rejected the offer until I heard it was for the Fireflies. I wanted nothing more to do with them after I left their settlement in Texas, but I couldn't help but think about my brother. That combined with the payoff is why I decided to escort you across the whole damn country to their base in Utah.”

It was silent for a moment before you began to share yourself. “My first time was when I spent a few weeks in Britain. It was my high school graduation gift to myself. I wanted to do something fun and adventurous over the summer before starting college. I had never been anywhere before so I saved up for the plane tickets, booked the accommodations; I did everything myself and I was so excited. I stayed at this hostel in Brighton, a seaside city south of London. A Spanish man named David was staying there as well. We’d become friends off the bat and everyday we’d flirt and spend time together.”

“What did he look like?”

“Why? You jealous?” You teased. “He was a little older than me. I was 18, I think he said he was 25. So I guess I got a type.” You playfully wiggled your eyebrows at Joel. “He was tall and very slender and had long, dark, curly hair. So the night before I checked out, I told him I was leaving. He kissed me for the first time and you know what my response was? I asked him if he wanted to fuck! I wanted to be bold and I did have a crush on him. That’s not how I imagined my first time being. I’d only known him for a week. I mean we got along very well, but I always imagined it being with someone I was in a relationship with first.”

“You’d never dated in high school?” He asked.

“No, I had dates to school dances, but never dated. So I went back up to his hostel room. He rented a private room while the room I stayed in had bunk beds, so I was sharing it with others. I told him I was a virgin before anything happened and he was ok with that. He was gentle and kind and everything I needed that night to trust him. I didn’t expect much for my first time, like I didn’t think there were going to be fireworks. I didn’t ask how experienced he was, but I assumed he wasn’t a virgin. The experience as a whole was good. The guy that I was crushing on my whole stay in Brighton respected my mind and my body. That was more than enough to make me swoon. Still I had to leave in the morning. He invited me to stay the night with him and so I did. I had to leave early, just before dawn, so I planned on slipping out and leaving a note, but he caught me before I left and we hugged and said goodbye and he whispered something in my ear in his native tongue. I didn’t know what he said and to this day, I can’t remember the words, so I guess I never will. I’m glad he woke up though. I’m glad he did that.” Joel didn’t know if you had more stories, but he could tell already that this was the one that stuck with you the most. You took in a deep breath before continuing. “So, spring semester of my freshman year I got into my first relationship. He came up to me in the library. I was just watching videos on my laptop, killing time between classes. What’s funny was that I didn’t want to be bothered that day, and there this man was coming up to me saying that he saw me as I walked into the study quad and thought I was pretty. So I close my laptop and sit with him at his table. We ended up talking until I had to leave for class. He asked for my number before I left and the rest was history with that one.” You shrugged.

“That’s it? What happened there?” Joel asked curiously.

“We grew apart.” You shrugged again, thinking back on it. “He was more into me than I was him and after a while, I didn’t see myself getting serious like I knew he wanted and don’t you dare call me a heartbreaker for that.” A tight lined grin broke onto your face. “I didn’t want to dump him, but stringing him along would have been worse. I know what it’s like to be convinced someone’s into you when they’re really not. He was sad, but I’m sure he got over it. I told him we could be friends, but that never happened. I got into another relationship my junior year of college with a classmate from my photography class. I’d known him since my very first semester. We were in the same financial aid program, which meant we had to take a lot of the same gen ed classes. We were always just acquaintances until he asked me out before class one day. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t find him physically attractive at first, but after we went on several dates and I got to know him, he was all I could think about. I was infatuated and we fucked everywhere.” You blushed. “We fucked in the dark room more than once, in my car, his car. We got caught by the campus police when it was in his car. We did it in the library stairwell, under a small bridge at a park across the street from campus. Things ended when we graduated. He was from out of state, so he was gonna move back home and look for jobs there. I wanted to travel more before committing to a job. I really tried to convince him to travel with me, at least for the summer, and he really tried to convince me to go move with him to his hometown. Neither one of us compromised so that was that.”

“Did you love him?” He inquired.

“I don’t think so. If we loved each other, I feel like we would have tried harder to find a solution. In the very least try a long distance relationship. We were infatuated, horny young adults. I loved my time with him and I definitely cared for him, like I did for my first boyfriend, but I don’t think I ever loved them. Did you love Sarah’s mom?”

“Tyra?” There it was. Now you knew her name. He looked down as he wrung his hands. “I thought I could, but she never gave me a chance to. We liked each other and I grew to care for her and I think she cared for me back. I grew to respect her a hell of a lot more after I watched her give birth, but she didn’t make the idea of loving her easy. Towards the end, we argued a lot and then not at all. There was just nothing until she left.” You took his hands in yours. He accepted your comfort, but did not want to dwell on it. “So where did you end up going?”

“Hmm?” You hummed in question.

“After you broke up with the second guy because you wanted to travel.”

“I had brought a plane ticket to Italy. Trieste, Italy. That country is like an art student’s mecca so I had to go sooner or later. But it never happened. About a week before I was scheduled to go, the pandemic hit and the borders closed. I only chose that date because the layover time was shorter. It cost me though. Just think If I had purchased an earlier plane ticket, because I almost did since it was cheaper. What if I would have gotten stuck in a foreign country when all this went down. Wouldn’t know anybody, wouldn’t know if my family was ok, wouldn’t know how to get back home.”

“We wouldn’t have met.” Joel commented.

“No, I don’t think we would have.”

“Well, I’m glad you bought the more expensive ticket. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see Italy though.”

“I’m sorry too!” You laughed. “I can’t imagine that being the worst country to be stuck in. But I would trade Italy for you any day.”

The two of you laid on the blanket and enjoyed each other’s company until Joel decided it was time to get back to the fence. You asked him if he needed help, but he declined. You settled for sunbathing while you watched him work. After a while, he called it quits for the day and he got cleaned up while you made dinner.

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sandwyrm · 4 years

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I always rant tons about things I hate in fiction and I scream tons in private about loving Elijah Kamski and disliking that many people Just Don’t Get Him(tm) so why not combine the two.

Like pretty much everyone playing this damn game, my initial opinion on him was “god I wish I could punch him in the face”, but having seen most other paths, and having connected some dots, added to Neil Newbon’s stellar acting as the dude, he’s easily become one of my favorite characters not only in DBH but in general in fiction.

So this is going to be “Why This One Smug Motherfucker With An Attitude You’d Love To Beat Up With A Bat Became One of My Top Favorite Characters, The Essay”

TL;DR: Elijah Kamski planned the android revolution and deviancy

First off, let’s start by analyzing the most obvious thing: his speech and mannerism, his appearance, all play along a very common and clear trope, one that Disney especially is super fond of using:

It’s not just Disney that does this, there’s many other villains who follow the rule, and have been since the dawn of time. And there are many essays and articles on why a smallish physically weak man with aquiline features, calculated speech, and effeminate mannerisms, is such a recurring Look for villains, so we won’t cover that. But it’s very well used on Kamski, perhaps better than any other place I’ve seen, because in him, it is something the character has calculated for himself. For once, we get to SEE what the Questionably Queer Villain STARTED as:

A goddamn nerd. Just your average neighbour. Steve down in IT who comes fix your computer and spergs a little about how COOL computers are, mansplains a little about stuff you already tried because he thinks you’re so much dumber than him, sips an energy drink, and walks away leaving your computer fixed and you with a million emails you still need to answer and a questionable urge to punch him that you’ll never act upon. His mannerism isn’t there. That cadence to his voice isn’t there. He has much more genuine expressions. It is my personal opinion the actor fucking smashed this, and it’s safe to say it is an in-character change: Elijah Kamski was a damn nerd and for whatever reason turned into the Questionably Queer Villain Archetype. Ego gone to his head? Defense mechanism, to survive the sharks of capitalism? Who knows what happened in those 10 years. Who knows how much nerdier he was even longer ago? He has a PR smile going on in that interview but it’s a lot less perfected and rehearsed than the one in 2038. I honestly think it’s a very minor and yet very very stellar detail. Ah! But this is an Extra Feature, most people wouldn’t have seen Past Kamski when they see Present (Future?) Kamski. It’s not the game’s trailer (not unless you’re brave enough to send it to your friends who aren’t into the game yet), it’s a little thing you can watch after you’ve already finished the game. The Kamski you meet at first is this fucker

The fucker who hangs a portrait of himself in his lobby while making you wait on him 5 minutes. The fucker who still swims three more minutes after you’ve been invited in. The fucker who just dodges every single question, and speaks to you condescendingly. The fucker who dismisses your concerns like it’s the funniest thing to him that robots are about to take over.

The narcissist that goes all “pff Turing test is ezmode, I’m gonna make a harder test named after me which I wanna see if my robots pass.”

And because this glib bitch is what the writers intended you to experiment at first, and this is the Kamski most everyone sees while other sides are extras or brief dialogue lines, this is where most people remain with their perception of Kamski. Just another Scar. Just another Jafar. A manipulative little bitch you wish the big buff Hero would punch in the end. But there’s so much more to him.

The obvious: Elijah Kamski is a transhumanist.

To sum it up: Transhumanist is what Steve from IT probably is. If you were to ask him about it, he would mansplain to you how humans are limited by flesh and poverty, and how making technology widely available and the internet free and pushing for technological advancements such as robotics is what would improve humanity. He probably has a whole wall covered in books about AI revolution and singularity, and probably believes robots are the next step in human evolution. That is, robots/cyborgs are to replace humans, and for us to leave our flawed shells behind. Elijah Kamski is such a man, too, and barely hides it. Choice quotes: - “We had to design a machine that moves, breathes, and blinks like us. But yet is smarter and more capable than any human being.” (interview extra) - “Tomorrow they’ll replace our soldiers, and who knows, maybe one day, our leaders, to make the best decisions in humanity’s interest.” (interview extra) - “Perfect beings with infinite intelligence, and now they have free will.” (Meet Kamski) - “Machines are so superior to us, confrontation was inevitable.” (Meet Kamski) - contrast to the PR lie in the interview of “They’re machines, they cannot ever develop a conscience. Trust me.”

It’s clear that he thinks robots/androids would do a better job at society than humans - a lot of nerds do (just ask around, I fucking do, 7 months into 2020), and he’s not even hiding it all that clever.

Or maybe he just wants to fuck some robots?

A lot of people get rapist vibes from Kamski. The creep who just made himself a bunch of sex toys because he could, and there’s nothing else to the androids as far as he’s concerned. And it’s easy to see. Like,

super easy to see

he’s basically eyefucking the androids

But here’s the catch: See, we’re so conditioned by that stereotype I started this essay with that we, and I mean myself as well, easily buy the “he just wanted some hot sex slaves” theory. Scar wants hot sex slaves. Jafar wants hot sex slaves. Frollo wants hot sex slaves. The list goes to infinity. Every time a male is acting this effeminate-flirty way on screen, it’s used to indicate he is a Deranged Pervert. I’m not gonna say where it stems from homophobia and how stupid it is very because smarter people have analyzed this phenomenon, but the bottom line is, we’re projecting something onto Kamski that isn’t there, simply because it’s everywhere else with similar characters. He designed the androids, he’s ogling the androids, and while I have no doubt he’d personally fuck each and every one of his androids, here’s the thing: He only ever touches his one Chloe in a sexual way. There’s strippers in this game. There’s sex in this game. If they wanted Kamski to obviously be a creep, it would’ve been there. Touching those naked androids in the factory. Groping one of the twin Chloes in the pool. Touching Connor in any other way than putting a gun in his hand

He’s not very sensual in this moment, now, is he? It’s a very casual touch, he’s there simply helping a robot aim a gun. Because as far as he knows and thinks, Connor is following his programming - explicitly forbidding him to hold guns. And yet...

Elijah Kamski wants Connor to deviate.

Maybe this one is obvious. Maybe it’s not. If reading forums and reddit has taught me anything, is that people think Kamski is just trying to see if Connor is a mean deviant with these questions. Far as we know up to this point, deviants are Bad. Far as many hot takes I’ve seen, deviants are always Bad because robots don’t have feelings lol way to miss the point of the game jesus christ anyway He isn’t putting pressure on Connor because he’s a jackass - he’s putting pressure on Connor because he knows pressure makes androids deviate. He keeps asking trick questions - what do YOU want. What do YOU think. Time to think WHO you are.

The Kamski Test

On the objective surface, it simply looks like Kamski is here running the Kamski test for his own pride - has he created a machine capable of sparing another machine? Dumb test, you could just program that in, couldn’t you? Yes and no. You could program a machine to never shoot a human or another machine - easily. And you can program a machine to prioritize solving a case, to aid the police. Empathy and critical thought are not easy things. A lot of humans would fail this test. Put a gun in someone’s hand and tell them they can shoot another human and solve all their problems, and they would do it. They fucking do it every day, over lesser things. But that’s not the real purpose of the Kamski test, is it? He could easily have programmed this in for a carnival trick, like he programmed writer androids, fortuneteller androids, medic androids, and everything else. The test isn’t “can Connor shoot Chloe or does he see her as alive?” The test is, “Can Connor put Chloe’s ‘life’ above his programming and specific instructions?” The test is, can Connor’s algorithms decide Chloe’s ‘life’ is more important than his own? Kamski knows it - Connor knows it - we know it. If Connor fails his missions, if Connor behaves too much like a human, he will be deactivated and repurposed. He��s constantly threatened by Amanda with “deviants are bad and must be destroyed.” He knows he needs to be a Good Robot and obey. Connor’s choice isn’t “Spare Chloe or kill Chloe.” His choice is “prioritize the life of another being over his own.”

Connor Deviates

boy u got issues that i can’t help with, godspeed you glorious idiot

But what if... he doesn’t

Let’s check this path out for a moment.

He’s quite... meh. He’s bored. He’s indifferent. He loses the little spark in his voice that little peppy jackass act. The rest of this encounter becomes just another boring PR stunt where Elijah Kamski acts nicely and answers questions by giving no fucking answers at all.

a ViRuS

Mandatory Covid19 joke We find out deviancy is probably a virus that spreads from one android to the other. You know, very useful information we’ve never found out by ourselves. Except we also know that’s wrong, don’t we? Markus spreads deviancy that way - but what about the first deviants? Can we backtrack to a patient zero? Not really. Many androids just deviated by themselves. Sure, they could’ve interacted with a deviant at some point I suppose, assuming...

rA9

Ask him about rA9, and Kamski will say it’s just the first android that deviated. But that’s just a lie, isn’t it? It can’t be the first android that deviated because most people and most androids believe rA9 is Markus - and we know Markus wasn’t the first to deviate. He was just the one to take on a leader role. And Kamski knows of this - planned for this. He gave Markus to Carl Manfred, and he knew Carl Manfred was a damn hippie talking about revolutions and better worlds and must be filling Markus’ head with ideas of being more than he is. It was calculated. So, either rA9 really is just a random religious thing androids rallied behind out of the blue, or Kamski is just lying. He probably is. He’s offering useless what ifs in answer to this question. Maybe it’s this. Maybe it’s that. Maybe it’s your mom and we need better jokes in 2020.

And speaking of just lies, let’s be honest. Do you really think someone would be as dumb as to admit they started AI revolution, in front of cops? That’s why Kamski keeps playing the idiot, don’t forget. A lot of people seem to be taking his cluelessness at face value, as if they’ve never lied in person. Kamski is openly dodging other questions, and offering half lies half truths here. That’s what I’m saying. But even assuming Kamski doesn’t know about deviancy or rA9, for real, what about

Jericho

When asked about Jericho, Kamski answers. He knows what Jericho is - the place where all deviants go. He has its location, conveniently.

Wait, Chloe?

Interesting how the pool Chloes know they shouldn’t be peeping at the talk and we get shots of them hastily going back to their scripted chatting nonsense and trying to return to neutral expressions when “caught peeping” by the camera. More interesting yet, whenever Hank or Connor are directly looking at any Chloe, they’re acting very stiff and robotic. Which... every deviant does. Including Connor. Especially Connor.

Speaking of

Even with Connor failing his test, Kamski insists. Insists to remind him he still has a choice. Insists to remind him of his escape clause (useless on this path but Kamski reminding him is there, and we’re talking about Kamski) It’s almost as if...

Elijah Kamski wants Connor to deviate. Like, wants.

One of the most powerful moments in the game as far as I’m concerned. And not because Connor gets told by his creator that he’s a deviant. Not because we’re told by his creator that he’s a deviant. Not because Hank’s wheels start moving. Because for that little exchange there, Connor shows genuine emotions. Connor’s LED is red. We’ve never seen a red LED Connor up to this point. iirc we don’t even after, I think the only other time is when the security guard android pulls his heart out. Getting shot leaves him on yellow. Dying leaves him on yellow. Processing complex things in 10 milliseconds leaves him on yellow if we’re that lucky, he’s usually on blue and about as unimpressed as y’all reading this essay. Remember how I said the test is between his life and Chloe’s? There’s no dramatic wall here. There’s no direct programming here to guide him along or that he needs to explicitly go against, like when he has to shoot Markus. This is a choice he had to make, by himself, entirely by himself, outside of bounds of his normal programming, using his own intelligence. He has empathy, and intelligence. He is alive.

fAsCiNaTiNg~

There is another thing that happens if Connor deviates, in that little exchange there, Elijah Kamski is no longer that glib, effeminate, Disney villain. For a brief moment, Elijah Kamski is back to being that nerd we’ve seen in the 2028 video. That nerd that is so hyped about what androids can become. He’s showing genuine joy. Genuine fascination. For a brief 30 seconds, he is no longer playing games. This is missing on the machine path altogether. Where he’s left indifferent there, he’s genuinely excited here, genuinely fAsCiNaTeD.

Almost as if he’s happy, proud, that Connor could do it. Like watching your child take their first steps or say their first word.

This isn’t JUST an android. This isn’t JUST another deviant. This is Cyberlife’s puppet. This android was specifically created never to deviate. And he still did. We, of course, as fine purveyors of fiction, saw it coming, but seeing it from Kamski’s perspective - it really is something he’s taken aback by. An android designed to HUNT other androids is going against his very tight programming. Of course, the both know it’s not over, but it’s a start. Indeed, like watching a child take their first step, there’s so many steps left, and there’s still the revolution.

We never see Kamski again in the game, unless we get to the

Failed Revolution

This is a Kamski we’ve yet to see. Not the hyped nerd in the android factory. Not the glib motherfucker dodging police questions. This is an annoyed man. A vindictive man. Sitting cross-legged in a chair. He’s that fucking villain we were always meant to see, isn’t he? Here, scheming, with his long face and Adidas tracksuit. But what’s he scheming against?

“Wait, doesn’t this invalidate your whole fucking essay?” Nope. Remember what I said about us being shown that Kamski was not born a glib liar and manipulator? That he learned that PR smile and smug way of speech? That he learned to be a Disney villain? Do you really think he would just tell the press - the cops - that yes, he has totally planned for the android revolution?

Of course he wouldn’t. But looking under the surface - he does not return to Cyberlife when the deviancy is in full crisis. If he truly believed he should be there to stop the “error”, he’d have been there, not pushing Connor to deviate instead. The “mistake” that he learned from is the FAILURE of the android revolution. He only ever returns to Cyberlife on this path where the androids fail to revolt. To “fix a mistake”.

There’s one last clue in the shit puzzle,

Connor can show empathy from day 1

Well we already know the “error” can be dormant a long time, no biggie, Connor just got Devid-38 from Daniel or something. Some other android. Maybe... Unless...

Connor-60

There’s one combination at the Cyberlife tower. Converting the androids, and getting Connor shot by Connor-60, which leads to the androids still converting with Connor-60, the machine, watching it.

He reacts quite badly to failing, for a machine, doesn’t he? Almost as if...

Deviancy is preprogrammed. And probably so is Jericho.

Remember Chloe had the key? Logically, why would she? Chloe cooould be a deviant that somehow ended up back with Kamski after she found out about Jericho, and told him about it too. Possible, but consider...: Kamski programmed Jericho location in multiple androids, knowing they would “spread it like a virus”. There was a little speech I’ll never find in a playthrough online, but in which it’s implied some androids just “knew” to head to Jericho “instinctively.” And one way to solve the puzzle in the police station is via instructions from Carlos Ortiz’s android. Who.... never left the fucking house. Plus, Kamski accounted for Cyberlife controlling Connor. I mean... He says as much. He doesn’t even hide it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let’s look back at the 2028 interview

Getting a little nervous there aren’t we? We ain’t never seen him fiddle with his hands anywhere else than this one question. Not in this interview, not in any other scenes with him.

Son of a bitch has one hell of a PR smile doesn’t he

and if I haven’t convinced you with my essay they admitted in some Q/A that the Kamski ending was going to be more obviously him going back to restart the android revolution. But I found that only ages after I made the connections and fell in love with the fucker.

#dbh #detroit become human #elijah kamski #long post

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sagesparrow394 · 4 years

Text

Losing Control - Chapter 1

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Summary: The newest video revealed a new ability of the Sides: when they get too overly panicked and stressed, they uncontrollably transform into giant animals or creatures. Patton becomes a frog, but what about the others

Chapter 1: Spider

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“Roman? Please open up! Please, I just want to talk!”

There was no response from the other side. Patton sighed, leaning against the red door in front of him. “Come on, Ro… I promise, we love you so so much. You are still and always will be Thomas’ hero! And you’re mine too. That hasn’t changed at all!”

Finally, Roman spoke from the other side. However, it wasn’t the response Patton had hoped for. “Oh really? Because it seemed to me Deceit was your knight in black and yellow armour who saved you and Thomas today! Since you both insist he saved Thomas and will not corrupt him into a horrible evil liar!”

“Ro, his name is Janus, and-”

“Go away, Patton. I don’t want to hear it.”

Patton placed his hand on the doorknob, hoping he could will it to unlock and let him in. “Kiddo-”

“I said go away!”

Patton cried, pulling his hand away from the doorknob as it suddenly erupted to a scalding temperature. He whimpered at the pain, watching as his hand went bright red, and was even starting to blister in some places. As much as he wanted to keep trying to break through to Roman, he knew he had to get his hand under some water. He quickly ran to the kitchen, turning on the faucet at the sink and holding his hand under the water. He sighed in relief as the pain began to subside. As he stood there, letting his hand be soothed, there were footsteps behind him as someone came into the room.

“Oh, hey, Pat,” Virgil said. “Um.... you and Ro were gone for a while. Is everything, like, good?”

“Well… that’s complicated. It was all really bad at first… and then things got a whole lot worse... but then things got better! Well, better for me… I learnt a really important lesson, and I’m gonna be a much better morality from now on!”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, but, uh… Roman isn’t doing as good. He’s mad at me and Thomas, and he’s locked himself in his room, refusing to talk to me.”

“Jeez, what got up his butt?”

“Um… well-”

“Patton, I just wanted to come check on you after what happened today.” Logan had come in, nose buried in a book. “I understand we were all rather hard on you. Not saying we didn’t need to be, but… given the rather unusual transformation you went through, I thought it’d be best to check on you, even if, from what I understand, Janus has already done so-”

“Did you just say Janus?!”

Logan’s eyes widened as he looked up from his book, finally registering Virgil standing there. “Ah… salutations, Virgil…”

“You… you two know Deceit’s name?! How?!”

Patton sighed, knowing this wouldn’t end well. “He, um, he helped me. And he helped Thomas. Basically, when we went to talk to Thomas, we were discussing moral dilemmas, and Logan was popping in occasionally to give us extra information.”

“Well, I was until someone decided to skip my dialogue, at which point Janus replaced me.”

“And I, uh, ended up being faced with a moral dilemma that I just… I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what was right. And I… I broke down. I went a little crazy.” Patton paused. “Okay, more than a little. I was so desperate to choose the right thing, to help Thomas choose, that I completely lost control over myself. So… Janus revealed himself. And he talked me down. Explained why how I’ve been acting is wrong. It turns out, he was right. He’s been right all along. I’ve always pushed Thomas to be too selfless. I don’t give him time to care for himself. Janus’ good. Good for me, good for Thomas, good for all of us. Thomas is giving him a seat at the table now. Though Roman… isn’t very happy about it.”

Virgil’s eyes were wide, shiny like he was on the verge of tears. He took a deep breath, but it came out as a shaky terrified laugh. “He shouldn’t be… You know, Pat, I really fucking thought you’d be the last person Janus would be able to manipulate… Who knew the strictest morality in the world could be bent to a liar’s will so easily?! And you Logan?! You too?! I thought you were all about fucking facts; the opposite of lies!”

“Kiddo, please-”

“NO! You don’t know the others like I do! I was one of them, I know what they are! And they are monsters!”

Patton chuckled awkwardly. “Trust me, if anyone was a monster today, it was me…” he then mumbled under his breath, “quite literally…”

“Great! Now he’s got you thinking you’re bad for Thomas! Great! Just… fuck!” The tears were streaming down his face now. “D-did... Did you say that… that Thomas is giving him a seat at the table?! He… he accepted him?! He’s gonna listen to him?! Th… that can’t happen! It can’t!” As he yelled the last word, his tempest tongue started to play up. But that wasn’t all - his form also glitched. And it was a glitch all too familiar to Patton. Confirming Patton’s suspicions, when the glitching stopped, it revealed Virgil now possessed an extra set of eyes as well as fangs.

Logan and Patton shared a worried glance, before the former stepped forward. “Virgil, can you name five things you can s-”

“SHUT UP! I CAN’T TRUST YOU! I WON’T DO YOUR SHITTY GROUNDING EXERCISES!” Virgil glitched again, but this time it was followed by a bright flash of light.

When it died down, and Patton and Logan were both able to see again, they were met by the sight of a giant black spider, draped in the shredded remains of Virgil’s clothes and with piercing purple eyes. Patton screeched at the sight of it, running to go hide behind Logan. The spider continued to yell in Virgil’s voice.

“Look, Janus’ evil! He’s dark! I know he is, I was just like him! I was a monster too!”

“Virgil, that’s the point, you were!” Logan called up to him. “You grew and changed. Janus has done the same. I understand it may be hard for you to accept given your… past with Janus, but he is a better person now. Patton and I have seen it. We are under no manipulation, and neither is Thomas.”

“I… But he can’t become better!” As he yelled, he swiped one of his legs at Logan, hitting him and sending the logical side flying across the room, slamming into the wall. Patton cried out to him, but found Virgil yelling over his voice. “He’s lies, deceitfulness! If me growing means he can grow… then maybe I never did grow! Like… look at me! I just became a giant spider creature! I became the monster I am on the inside!”

“No… Virge, listen!” Patton bucked up the courage and stepped forward, closer to the spider, trying to suppress his fear. “This isn’t because you’re a monster or evil! Because if it was, then I guess I must be an evil monster too.”

“What do you mean, you would have to be…?”

“This… this happened to me too.”

“...What?”

“Remember how I said I ‘lost it’? I, uh, turned into a giant frog… But my point is, turning into this doesn’t make you a monster. I’m not one, and you aren’t either. You’re amazing, kiddo, and we all love you. You changed and became such a wonderful, kind and helpful person. You’ve come so far. But, Virge, Janus has too. If you just calm down, we can show you. You don’t need to be scared. We’ll always be here to protect you.”

“... How do I know you aren’t Janus? How do I know you didn’t shapeshift into Patton to fool me?”

Patton bit his lip, thinking for a moment. However, after a moment, an idea came to him. “Janus shouldn’t know about our card exchanges, should he?”

“No… why?”

“Then he wouldn’t know what the cards said. But I do! Mine to you said ‘UR FAM’ on the cover, and ‘ILY’ on the inside, along with a drawing of you, me, Logan and Roman, and a big red heart. Yours to me said ‘You make me wanna die’ on the cover, and ‘of laughter. Best friends’ on the inside. Still the best gift I’ve ever been given. No offence, Logan, the cat hoodie is great too.

“And we are best friends, Virge. Always will be. And best friends trust each other. I’m not asking you to trust Janus right now; I’m asking you to trust me. So please? Give me, and in turn, Janus a shot?”

Virgil blinked, looking clearly conflicted in his spider eyes. However, as he looked down at Patton, and Logan recovering from being thrown into the wall, he could just tell: it was them. No shapeshifting, no manipulation. He sighed.

With a flash of light, he was back to normal. “I… I don’t trust Janus yet. I doubt I will for a long time. But, I guess… if Thomas wants to work with him, I… can try to make peace with that. But I’m not happy about it.”

Patton smiled, opening his arms. “That’s all I ask, kiddo.”

Virgil smiled back, before accepting the hug. “Thanks, Pat… and you too, Logan. Sorry for hitting you. That was, uh… scary. Never become a giant spider before. Didn’t even know we could do that.”

“I don’t think any of us did until Patton,” Logan replied, getting to his feet and straightening his tie. “I’ll need to look into it, conduct some experiments… I wonder if it’s the same animal every time for each person? Will Patton always be a frog, and will you always be a spider? And I wonder what animals the rest of us would become...? The only one I’m sure about is Janus almost definitely being a snake. The rest of us however...”

“Well, Lo, I think it’s for the best we don’t do any experiments to do with this, given we apparently need to get really upset and panicky for it to happen,” Patton said. “If we’re trying to lean more into self care like Janus says we need to, that probably involves not making each other upset.”

“True. I guess I’ll have to wait until it happens again organically. Speaking of organic…” Logan went to the fridge, opening the door and getting a jar of Crofters. “Ah, my very own method of self care: delicious Crofters all for me to ea-”

At that moment, there was a sudden jolt throughout the whole mindscape, causing the jar to slip from Logan’s hands and shatter on the ground. He sighed. “Apparently I can’t have nice things…”

“What was that?” Virgil asked.

“I don’t know, kiddo. I’m sure, whatever it is, it’s perfectly fine.”

“Well, we may as well investigate.” Logan summoned his Sherlock cap and pulled it onto his head. “Watson, lets go.”

Patton smiled, summoning his flat cap and scarf on. “Okay! Time to solve the mystery of the mindscape earthquake!”

However, not much investigation was needed, as the source was immediately found when the three sides left the kitchen and entered the corridor with the “light sides’” rooms. For you see, there was an extra door that hadn't been there before: a bright yellow one. After a moment, said door opened.

“Well, what do you know? He really has properly accepted me…” Janus looked to the three sides in the corridor. “You think Thomas could accept Remus any time soon? I’ll miss him quite a bit if I have to live here now.”

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Chapter 2

General Taglist: @tacohippy56900 @ibasicallyjustreblogeverything @pollylittlehigher-littlelower

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bluephoenixdruidicprincess · 3 years

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Mulan (Live-Action Remake) Review

So I thought, since I have Disney+ now, that it's time that I watch the Mulan re-make. I'd been putting it off for a while because when this movie first came out, I had heard it wasn't that good but I figured now, I've had some space since the movie came out, I've largely forgotten most of what was said in the reviews, so let's watch it with a relatively unbiased eye. And I remember when last year I think it was, Disney released this movie on Disney+ and they were charging like $30 to watch it. Most likely to help re-coup funds from the fact of people not going to theaters due to COVID. And I've heard the arguments on this and I'm firmly on the side of charging people money on a streaming site that they've already paid a subscription for is such a scam. I don't care if that extra $30 is around, less than, or more than what someone might spend at a theater, it's still messed up. But after watching this movie, I'm thinking to myself, "wait, Disney, you were going to make me pay $30 for that?!" Even if I had gone to see this movie in the theater, trust me, it would've been instant buyer's remorse.

And the movie isn't necessarily bad, it's not great, and really, I don't think I can even qualify it as serviceable. It's just lackluster. It feels like it's a Mulan adaptation that does the bare minimum. It hits all the story beats you would expect from the story of Mulan but fails to execute it in any impactful way. And I'm not even angry about the movie not using the songs, or trading in Mushu for a really ugly CGI phoenix creature. If the writers wanted to make a serious period-drama esque version of Mulan, I would be down for that. I love Chinese period dramas. In fact, I distinctly remember the director at one point saying she didn't want to incorporate Mushu or the disney songs because she wanted to tell a serious, real story not a superhero fantasy type story. Except what does she do instead? She literally gives Mulan powers thereby practically making her a superhero which was completely unnecessary. And in fact, the whole superpower/chi thing Mulan has going on in this movie, actually contributes to the lackluster feel of this movie. Because honestly, Mulan being super talented when it comes to using chi just feels like a cop-out so they don't have to do any kind of character development on Mulan or anyone else for that matter. They just throw a quickie identity crisis about her not being true to herself because she's lying about being a man, and then that's really all you're gonna get as far as character work. And then she for some reason decides that in order to accept herself as being a woman and being truthful to everyone around her, she rides off into battle, takes off all of her armor and lets her hair down. Like, I understand the point. The movie needed a visual representation to show Mulan fighting as a woman but at the same time, going off into a fight with no armor and your hair blowing all over your face is not the decision I would make regardless of my identity crisis. Even the moment when Mulan's comrades realize she's a woman and she faces the fall out for her deception feels lackluster on its own. They expel her, she comes back and they just kind of accept her (with again, a small amount of lackluster push-back from the commander) and even make her the leader for the next battle. While I get that she was smart to use the enemies' weapons against them to cause that avalanche, that hardly makes her leader-material. They even had a villain-redemption arc that was completely lackluster as well. There's an evil sorceress who upon finding out that Mulan has been accepted by her military friends and not ostracized like the sorceress was, the sorceress decides to lead Mulan to where the Emperor is being kept so Mulan can save him. And then the sorceress tells her ex-boss, in an attempt to stick it to him, that Mulan is on her way. Like, thanks evil sorceress lady. You completely took away the element of surprise for Mulan. And indeed, the bad guy sees Mulan coming, tries to shoot Mulan with an arrow but don't worry, evil sorceress lady takes the arrow for Mulan. Like, thanks I guess. Even though your sacrifice would've been completely unnecessary if you hadn't told him Mulan was on her way in the first place. Like, you want to feel for the evil sorceress lady's sacrifice, but because of how pointless it is, it doesn't feel earned and you're just like, okay, so that happened and because of her, Mulan now doesn't have the element of surprise.

But, so I'm not ragging on the entire movie, I did like the training montage bit, I did enjoy that. I also did enjoy the conversations between Mulan and her military comrades. Despite the serious tone this movie was trying to take, I often found myself laughing at it. The acting's not great but I'm fairly certain this isn't probably necessarily on the actors' end, the dialogue was just bad to begin with. But would I recommend this movie to anyone? Probably not, unless they enjoy being bored out of their mind. If I had to give this movie a letter grade, I'd probably give it a D. I really wish this movie was done better because I love Chinese history, folklore, culture, I love all of that and I was really looking forward to seeing The Legend of Mulan come to life here but sadly, it just doesn't feel like the writers or the director or the producers cared about it all that much. They just churned out another Disney remake and called it a day and collected their paycheck.

#mulan live action #mulan remake

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ahogehope · 3 years

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BlazBlue Alternative Dark War Nightmare Fiction Event English Translation (Part 5: Shadows Below the Water)

Crossposted from reddit just for a little more exposure.

This is part 5, or the sixth story quest in the event.

Previous parts can be found here: [Part 1-1, Part 1-2, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4]

Some notes:

- The default name of Rei is used for the player character and was selected as male at the beginning of the game.

- I’m still on the fence on if I should be using honorifics or not. Your opinion on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

Click here to be taken to a pastebin with the translated dialogue or look under the read more to read it here.

Section 5 – “Shadows Below the Water”

Fuzzy Hey hey, you guys still hanging in there? Well, are you?

Fuzzy Looks like you managed to retrieve the third element without too much trouble. That’s only half of what you need though. But it’s still half!

Fuzzy I wonder if you’ll be able to get the last three just as easily～.

Hazama Very good. If we’re lucky, finding the rest should be a breeze.

Kazuma I would have liked to avoid any fighting but... I don’t think we’ve been given much of a choice.

Hazama Regardless of what’s in front of us, we’re stuck following Fuzzy-san’s lead if we want to get anywhere.

Hazama I’ll keep playing along. So where are we headed next?

Fuzzy Hehehe... O-kay! Come on, this way.

Fuzzy I’ll even be extra nice to you this time and bring you straight there.

Ciel Why is he suddenly taking us there directly? This feels out of character for him.

Raabe Hmm. While I certainly agree, this could also just be another result of Fuzzy’s fickle personality.

Raabe But just like Hazama said, our only option right now is to proceed.

Raabe Whether or not he’s on our side, the fact remains that only Fuzzy knows how we can escape.

Raabe Nevertheless, it doesn’t hurt to remain vigilante.

Raabe Let’s stay behind the others for a while.

Ciel Yes... roger that. Rei-san, if you would watch my back, just to be safe.

Ciel Please don’t worry. I’ll be here to protect you, Rei-san.

>Thank you, Ciel. Ciel Of course. There’s no need to thank me. Ciel ...That doesn’t feel like the right thing to say, but I’m not sure what would be more appropriate...

>Don’t forget you can rely on me too. Ciel Yes, of course. I’ll always be able to count on you. Ciel If it weren’t for you, we would never be able to liberate the Phantom Fields.

Fuzzy You guys done talking yet? Huh, are you?

Fuzzy Come on then, let’s go find that next element! Let’s go, everyone!

Kazuma ...Um.

Kazuma We’ve been walking for quite a while... is the next element much further?

Fuzzy Hmm, I wonder.

Fuzzy I know where we’re supposed to be going, but I don’t know the layout of this city at all.

Fuzzy I wouldn’t know if there’s actually an element there or not honestly.

Kazuma You’ve got to be kidding me...

Kazuma You don’t know anything about this place. You’ve only just met us. You don’t even know who set up all these elements in the first place.

Kazuma Why are you even in charge of guiding us?

Fuzzy Really, this question again?

Fuzzy I told you before, didn’t I? This is the role I was given in this world.

Fuzzy I hate people who can’t remember things～.

Fuzzy Everyone in this world is given a role. It’s always been that way, ever since the beginning of time.

Fuzzy And this time I was given the role as your guide. Nothing more, nothing less. Hehehe.

Kazuma ...But we’ll learn something if we head to the innermost part of this world, right? Isn’t that what we were told?

Fuzzy Well, who knows～? I’m sure you’ll figure it out～.

Fuzzy You’ll find out if you go there, right? Ahaha.

Kazuma ......

Hazama You don’t have to look so on edge, Kazuma-san. Fuzzy-san hasn’t led us astray yet.

Hazama If you aren’t sure, then you should just keeping going forward and find out for yourself.

Kazuma That’s... I suppose you’re right.

Hazama Forgive me if I’m being presumptuous, Kazuma-san. But I think the fastest way to learning whatever the “truth” is is by carving out your own path.

Hazama If you really want to know something, if you want something to be within reach, then you need to reach out and grab it.

Hazama I’m dying to know more myself, but we won’t learn much by just standing around and waiting for the answers to be given to us.

Kazuma Hazama-san...

Kazuma I see... yeah, that’s it. I think so too.

Kazuma My knowledge on things is limited. All I know is what I studied back on the island of Ishana.

Kazuma ...But this isn’t Ishana. I can discover things here that I could never have discovered back home.

Hazama There you go. If you believe hard enough, I’m sure you’ll be able to find what you’re looking for in no time.

Kazuma ...When you say it like that, I can’t bring myself to agree with you completely for some reason.

Hazama Hey now. You don’t have to look at me like I’m gonna mug you when you aren’t looking.

Hazama ...Then again, we do barely know each other. It would be asking a bit much to have you trust me so soon.

Hazama Still, you should believe in yourself a little more.

Kazuma Believe in myself, huh...

Hazama Of course. I think it’d make you much happier in the long run.

Hazama ...No matter what you decide to believe in though, you’re going to need those keys to reach the bottom of it.

Hazama The elements are quite literally the key.

[enter Jin]

Jin Hazama... You speak as gracefully as ever, I see.

Raabe Hmm. Looks like we’ve found our next element.

Jin You there. It would be in your best interests not to trust that man too much.

Jin Don’t let his words and appearance deceive you.

Jin That man is a “snake.” If you choose to place your trust in him, he’ll eat you alive.

Hazama Oh goodness, do you know me as well? I can’t say I remember anything about you either, I’m afraid.

Hazama Even so, what you’ve said sounds horrible. Exactly what sort of person was I?

Jin Don’t play me for a fool...

Jin Your very existence disrupts the world’s peace and order. I can’t let that go unpunished.

Jin Give it up, Hazama. Your life ends here.

Hazama H-Hold on! Even if you say that, I still don’t have any idea what’s going on. Rei-san! Help me out here!

>Wha, me!? Hazama Please, Rei-san! We’ve fought together until now as comrades after all!

>Wh-What should I do... Hazama Don’t be so heartless, Rei-san. We’ve fought together until now as comrades after all!

Hazama We won’t get the element if we don’t defeat this guy anyway, right? So we should work together to bring him down!

Hazama Our opponent is a water type. That’s a good match-up for me.

Hazama Let’s hurry up and get those keys so we can get out of here.

Raabe Good grief... I’ve still got a bad feeling about all this, but he has a point.

Raabe For now we need to continue gathering the elements so we can move on and learn more about where we are.

Ciel Roger. Rei-san, you take the back. Keep an eye on the target. Then we will commence combat.

[a sphere with the water symbol appears]

Fuzzy Well done! Looks like you got your hands on the water element～.

Fuzzy Watching you guys fight, I wanted to jump in and play a bit myself. Hehehe...

Hazama The way you say that... I knew it. You’re watching us whenever you disappear, aren’t you?

Fuzzy Ahaha, I may have said too much～.

Hazama If that’s true, then I’d like to know exactly how long you’ve been keeping tabs on us.

Hazama Ever since I got here, everyone seems to know who I am but I haven’t been able to recognize anyone... It keeps happening, over and over.

Hazama Rei-san, Kazuma-san, and the others all have memories from before they came here. But I can’t remember a thing.

Hazama If we were both brought here by the same means, then what’s with the glaring discrepancy?

Hazama ...Although, even if I were to ask, you wouldn’t have a reason to tell us why. Please consider this as me simply talking to myself.

Fuzzy Hehehe, seems like you’re finally starting to catch on.

Fuzzy You’re right, though. You won’t get anywhere by asking me. You’re gonna have to see the answer with your own eyes.

Hazama In any case we should get a move on to that next element. I wonder where we’ll go next?

Fuzzy Alrighty then! Next up is～...

#blazblue #blazblue alternative dark war #bb:dw #hazama #translations

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shenanigans-and-imagines · 4 years

Note

3, 5, 10, 39, 43 for the Fic Writer asks? Feel free to pick and choose if you don't want to answer all five questions! ~ 🍪

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Mostly when I was first starting to read fanfiction, I actively searched for OC insert stuff. Not all of it was that good, but it gave me confidence to start creating and writing my own OCs. This was on fanfiction.net and I honestly don’t remember any of their titles.

As for here on tumblr, @propertyofpoeandbucky actually got me on the reader insert train. I started looking for stuff after The Force Awakens came out and suddenly stumbled on the canon x reader tag.

After a while of reading and following other blogs: @poeticandors, @hellacluttered, @the-new-fanfic-order and a bunch of others, I started writing my own reader-inserts.

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I’m gonna be honest, the moment I see anything in a first person perspective and automatically shut it down.

First person is extremely difficult to write and requires a really strong voice to pull it off. And frankly, a lot of fanfic writers are still really young and don’t have the experience to do it well. Hell, I don’t trust myself to write in first person.

Another thing I’m not crazy about is using things like “y/h” or “y/ec” in reader inserts. Instead of wear “he ran a hand through your (h/c) hair”, you can just right “he ran a hand through your hair”. You don’t need to add that extra detail when writing a reader insert.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Basically all I read at this point is Star Wars fanfic, but honestly it fluctuates with whatever I’m obsessed with at the time. Right now Captain Rex, Commander Wolffe, Darth Maul and Thrawn have been the main characters I’ve been searching for. Because of course they are.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Dialogue. I’ve always been proud of my dialogue. I think I’ve got a good ear for what a character sounds like and can translate that onto the page with relative ease. It’s my favorite part of writing.

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

When I first started writing, reader insert fics, I started with The Magnificent Seven (2016) and soon got picked up by a lot of creators for that fandom.

I wasn’t as active on the Discord as some of the others, but they really made me feel welcome and confident in my abilities. A lot of them I still talk to today.

Shout out to @eireduchess, @hanajimasama, and @cryptids-and-starlight. You guys are the best!

Fic Writer/Reader Ask Game

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neirawrites · 4 years

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I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In 2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it.

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him. He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17? is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat; take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

#twilight #stephanie meyer #the midnight sun #edward cullen #bella swan #long post

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duocreatix · 5 years

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Ok, can I talk a little thing (or two) about Good Omens impressions?

Or actually, can I talk a little about the development of their love story as shown in the (glorious) third episode?

I was re-watching the series with my husband and, when it came to this specific episode, some things came to my mind while watching the marvelous half an hour of it that I’d like to put into words for a better understanding, for me and for y’all that maybe agree with me.

First of all, I’m gonna start from the idea that Crowley wasn’t primarily in love with him since the Garden of Eden, but acquired a heavy interest, almost an obsession, towards Aziraphale (the first angel that treated him as an equal) that slowly translated into pure affection (and eventual love) throughout 6000 years together. Where this transition occurred is not clear during the scenes, since the whole flashback is told from the angel’s point of view… except the 1967 scene, and this is important.

Secondly, I’ve already seen many people discussing that, in the 1941 church scene, Aziraphale didn’t found out he was in love with Crowley, but that he was being loved back, and I personally agree with this thinking line. This is also very important.

Why? Let’s go back a little bit…

(This is gonna be long, please bear with me…)

So, based on what’s written in the book, Aziraphale and Crowley agreed on sealing the Arrangement in 1020 AD, and the series showed very well the changes in their dynamics between 537 AD (before the Arrangement) and 1601 (after the Arrangement), where I’ll start.

Aziraphale leaves this marvelously obvious when he basically smiles at the sight of Crowley (even though he also smiled when saw him at Rome in 41 AD) and, well, asking for extra favors with that puppy eyes of him…

(and Crowley accepting, which is adorable in my opinion)

They’re doing favors to each other for almost 600 years by then, seeing each other more frequently than ever, so yes, they’re already seeing each other as friends (or at least kind of coworkers). Is Crowley spoiling the angel and said angel is starting to take advantage of this demon’s tendency? Absolutely. But romance…? Maybe not yet.

And then, well, comes French Revolution and Aziraphale is locked in the Bastille in the verge of being discorporated and Crowley comes to the rescue. Maybe the angel hadn’t fallen in love yet with the demon, but I’m in favor of the theory that, being the bastard that we already noticed he can be, Aziraphale walked into France aware he wasn’t appropriately suited for the historical moment (and with a miracle restraint) hoping to run into Crowley. So, yeah, that would justify the literal stars that shone in his eyes when he listened to his demon’s voice:

I could screenshot this entire scene piece by piece to prove my point, but I won’t, ok? The entire development leaves clear their mutual pining and how used to Crowley being always there Aziraphale became in those 770 years of Arrangement, to the point of risking his human form in the name of gluttony, almost in a leap of faith because he was sure Crowley would save him at the end.

(Aaaand he does all this not so little selfish things conscious that they could bring problems to Crowley, as he mentioned during the Globe Theatre scene, but the demon keeps doing anyway just to please his angel… Is Crowley already in love? Probably yes)

And then we arrive in 1862, and that for me was the breaking point in their relationship. Up to now, as I mentioned, Aziraphale always had the certainty that Crowley would be there for him, but this drastically changes here. I have my own thoughts about the holy water situation, and what amazes me the most is the fact that, instead of reading Crowley’s request as “I want holy water so I have a weapon to use against other demons if they ever come to me”, he read like “I want holy water to end my own life in case everything goes wrong”.

You can see, right here, his change of posture:

What does it mean? Simply that, for the first time in 5840 years, Aziraphale felt the fear of really losing Crowley, forever, no coming back, and panicked. The panic was big enough to label their relationship as other thing than friendship (probably as a defense mechanism against the fear of losing, even what they have done all those millenia is, indeed, fraternizing), which enrages Crowley: So what you’re saying is that I’ve been fooling myself all these centuries thinking of you as a friend, as someone I could trust my fucking demon life???

Thinking about it while writing, the whole “I-don’t-need-you-And-the-feeling-is-mutual-obviously” sounds like pure bickering from both sides trying to hurt the other. Do they succeed into it? Marvelously: they stop talking to each other, Crowley probably goes to his century-long nap (while hating himself for the fact that he knows he loves the angel, otherwise he wouldn’t be so angry with the fraternizing thing), and Aziraphale starts attending Gentlemen’s Clubs to forget his sorrows and try to detach from Crowley (any ficwriter can insert Oscar Wilde right here in Azi’s life). Their relationship ruins from here, and they’ll never be the same.

So, we arrive at 1941, both angel and demon living their lives fully apart from each other… but Crowley is unable to refrain himself from worrying about his angel. And then, that pathetic excuse of a demon, aware that Aziraphale was manipulated by the Nazis to hand over his precious books and was about to be discorporated again, enters a church, steps on consecrated ground and diverges a whole enemy attack to save the angel he loves.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale really considers he’s totally alone this time (i.e. without the guarantee of Crowley being around, because he barely knows if he still exists), doomed, forced to being discorporated and having to deal with celestial paperwork… Look at the despair in his eyes:

Thankfully, things go well and the two escape miraculously from the explosion, and Aziraphale can breathe again, like things can almost go back to how they were before. Almost.

And then comes The Scene:

And that’s here, the exact moment, when Crowley, more than saving his life (which, btw, he had no obligation to do), also saved his books, that Aziraphale actually feels Crowley’s love for him emanating for the first time, and it leaves the angel absolutely astonished. His feelings are being returned for real, and he honestly doesn’t know what to do about it.

Look at him, look at his eyes and dare to tell me this isn’t pure love??? He thought he lost his friend, but in the end he came back in his aid, like some sort of knight in a shining armor… and also saves everything he cares about!! (bonus points for the romantic soundtrack, Mr. Arnold)

Poor Aziraphale. (evil laugh)

Finally, we arrive at 1967, where this whole consideration came from. As I said, this is the only scene from Crowley’s POV, and there’s a reason to it: up to this point, Aziraphale is finally certain of his own feelings and that he’s actually being reciprocated, but the other side isn’t. So, while Crowley keeps going with his plan, the angel decided to pay back the gesture from 1941 by providing the Holy Water he needs so much.

What does it mean? It means for Aziraphale an opportunity to stop Crowley from hurting himself again or being caught by Heaven’s lot during the robery (even if providing said water causes trouble to himself), but mostly is another leap of faith to both sides: Aziraphale is willing to trust that Crowley won’t kill himself with Holy water while asking Crowley to trust his word and keep the fucking tartan thermos closed until it’s needed (which he actually does).

So, what I really, really wanted to reach is this specific point:

Tbh, their interpretation was crucial to me here because, let’s be real, the dialogue in this scene is very subtle in its real meaning. This moment is Crowley’s time to realize and understand what’s going on with Aziraphale through the last hundred years, and it hits him like a rock: his angel loves him enough to go against his own principles to attend his request, sacrificing his rationality and risking being discovered. He’s right there, by his side, raw and truly open like he wasn’t for centuries, letting the demon sense his own feelings for the very first time. So yes, after everything he said, Crowley, he loves you back.

And, interesting enough, what’s his first reaction after acknowledging this fact? Offer a ride, wanting to spend some time with his beloved angel and, who knows, make up for lost time. But Aziraphale feels too fragile, too uneasy, about the fact that he opened himself for Crowley and now the demon truly knows his feelings, and needs time to rebuild his walls and create a convincing facade that’ll deceive his lot he has nothing to do with his hereditary enemy. He wants to reciprocate Crowley, but now like that, it’s too early for him yet: Don’t expect me to accept your advances right away, I’m feeling too vulnerable right now and I’m afraid that I’ll let you consume me completely if I surrender in my current state, so please respect my time.

Interesting enough, Crowley actually kept his cool facade in 1941, when he let the angel see his true feelings, something that seemed impossible to Aziraphale when he did the same. He’s an angel, after all, he’s unable to lie!

This way, he’ll probably only understand Aziraphale’s insecurities when he goes through the same situation, or at least the closest he’ll get: while the angel feared losing the demon, the demon really lost the angel, and with him his stability, his other half, his world:

And suddenly, running away from the Apocalypse didn’t matter anymore, to the point the sunny ballad of “You’re My Best Friend” turns into the anguished prayer of “Somebody to Love”.

#GoodOmens #Aziraphale #Crowley #ineffable husbands #my interpretation #please let me know if you liked it #never done this before #also forgive my english

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kitten1618x · 5 years

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GoT Afterthoughts ep. 08x01 ‘Winterfell’ (Part 1)

Whew! I’m sorry this has taken so long. I’ve got two munchkins home from school with a stomach bug, and they’ve been cutting into my rewatch and write-up.

So, a few things before we kick this bad boy off... I have not read or interacted much with anyone (except writing up that post yesterday about the opening creds) and I have avoided the discord server (even though I’m DYING to gush) as to not skew my own perception of the episode. Those of you who follow my blog know that I am partial to political!jon, but here’s your heads up for anyone else that just stumbled onto this recap. And with that...

We begin the journey of our last season similarly to the way we began our very first: An excited Winter Town boy frantically scrambling to find a better view of the royal retinue marching on Winterfell—complete with the same musical score. Let’s call that strike one against Jon and Dany, as we all know what a farce that first royal couples’ relationship was.

This boy, as he shimmies up a nearby tree, very much reminds me of a combination of both Arya and Bran in the pilot — Arya even spies him and smiles, as she stands watching with the smallfolk (a nice book nod). Her face at initially seeing her big brother Jon makes my heart skip a few beats, and I kind of got the feeling she was going to call out for him, but changed her mind. She looks down then, and I’m honestly so worried for their reunion because they have both changed so much, and Arya isn’t the same little girl he remembers.

Her smile fades as Jon and Dany pass her by, and the Hound comes into view. Her feelings with Sandor have always been complicated, but we don’t have much time to dwell on that, because Gendry rounds the corner and there’s a different kind of smile lighting up Arya’s face now—and I’m so stoked for their reunion, because it’s what I deserve. WE ALL DESERVE THIS OKAY?!?!?!

And what do we have here? Ahhhh yes, the typical D&D ‘cock’ and/or (in this case) ‘balls’ banter via Varys and Tyrion as they once again travel together in another wooden box. You know, we damn well better get the payoff to the jackass/honeycomb/brothel joke this season, or I swear by the old gods and the new that I’m blowing up the Sept of Baelor... oh wait.

Missandei looks visibly uncomfortable at the impassive stares of the Northerners as they ride by. However, Jon did warn them about the North—which he reiterates to a rather annoyed looking Dany, who no doubt expected a much more warmer welcoming for coming to “save the North”—but it’s pretty clear there will be no Myhsa crowd-surfing here.

A screeching overhead sends the Northerners frantically running for cover as a smug-looking Daenerys smirks proudly at the fear her dragon children instill when they split the skies above. Let’s be real here — that was no coincidence. Remember this?

Dany is in complete control of Drogon, and let’s call a spade a spade: this was a cheap intimidation tactic driven by spite. And I honestly can’t even say I blame the girl, but it’s probably not the best way to make new friends, either—especially when they are all of the mindset that “a Targaryen cannot be trusted”. Just sayin’, Dany girl.

And we have Arya’s reaction to seeing Dragons for the first time as they soar high up over Winterfell and Sansa, who watches from the ramparts. Sansa’s reaction is quite similar to Cersei’s—as in, she really doesn’t have one. Someone please cue My Chick Bad by Ludacris!!

Jon and Dany enter the courtyard and Jon springs from his horse to bring Bran in for a signature Stark squeeze and a forehead kiss (another season one callback). He proudly admires how Bran has grown and is now a man, only for Bran to answer with some vague and emotionless three-eyed raven shit, before staring down Daenerys while Jon moves to Sansa’s open arms.

*Perhaps no one informed Jon about Bran going all sentient-being?

I’m sure most of you already noticed that while this is supposed to be the same hug scene we were shown in the HBO teaser, it’s not the same shot, nor the same angle. In the teaser, Jon makes this soft face and goes straight to Sansa’s arms...

But in the actual episode, Jon goes straight to Bran’s arms, and his expression is quite different...

And in the teaser the hug is much longer in duration, and Sansa doesn’t look up at Dany until the end—still not relinquishing her hold on Jon.

However, in the episode, we get a shorter version and a different angle, while Bran and Sansa simultaneously stink-eye Dany the entire time.

*please note Jon’s expression isn’t the same as it is in the hbo teaser—which begs to differ WHY they chose such a romantic shot of these siblings to hype the final season? I mean, I know why... do you? 😉

Annnnnnd moving right along. Jon asks where his darling baby sister Arya has gotten to, as to which Sansa replies “lurking somewhere” — which is an odd response, but I’m not gonna lie, it did make me chuckle a little. If I had to make a guess on this odd dialogue (other than the D’s just suck at dialogue sometimes), I imagine it serves the purpose of leading Jon to assume that the girls still have the same strained relationship of their youth.

Not one to stand by idle while getting eye-fucked from all directions (and not in a good way), Dany sashays over to be introduced to the stunning redhead Jon was hugging on, to learn she is (only) his sister (whew!), and the Lady of Winterfell. And with that said, I need to take a moment to address something to all the antis who will probably hop on this post (cuz I know y’all are there): Jon is NOT the Lord of Winterfell. Winterfell does NOT belong to him, not even as warden of the North, not even a little bit. He has no say, no ownership, no NOTHING on Winterfell. The only way he becomes the Lord of Winterfell is if he marries his cousin, Sansa Stark — which is just ONE of the many reasons WHY a marriage between them is advantageous. Tell your friends.

The tension kicks up a notch as the introductions proceed and Dany feeds Sansa platitudes of how beautiful she and the North are. Perhaps her words are meant to be kind, but after all she’s been through, Sansa is not here for the bullshit — remember how nice Miranda was in the beginning too? Besides, my girl’s jealousy is so thick, she’s almost GREEN. So, giving Dany a full-bodied once over, she haughtily replies “Winterfell is yours, Your Grace.”

Annnnnnd...

Before a full-blown catfight ensues, Bran throws some ice on the situation—and by ice, I mean ice dragon (harr harr harrrr). The wall has come down, and your dragon is one of them now, he informs Dany—whom of course is horrified by the news. (And probably by Bran too, as I assume she, like Jon, did not get the Bran is the 3ER memo).

We move into the Great Hall where we learn that Sansa has already made the intelligent decision to call all their banners to retreat to Winterfell as soon as they knew that the wall had fallen. Little Ned Umber isn’t really sure whom he’s supposed to address or how (bless his little heart), but in any event, he’s getting the horses and carts he needs to safely bring the rest of his people back to Winterfell. Jon tells the maester to summon the Nights Watch as well.

And of course you know little Lady Mormont has some shit to say. She’s not pleased with the turn of events and wastes no time voicing her opinion and stirring the ire of the Northerners. But hey,

(Sorry, I couldn’t help myself).

But more on that later, because Jon looks really nervous as little Lyanna throws shade — and his first instinct is to turn and share a look with his sister, errr wife, cousin!, Sansa.

I feel like he was looking to her for support, but she’s got none to offer at the moment. So, he pulls himself together and tries to calm the dissent by giving another rousing ‘we need allies and I brought them’ speech, and he actually says something VERY interesting here: “I had a choice: keep my crown or protect the north. I chose the north.” I mean, he ain’t lying, and the best place to hide something is right in plain sight, after all—and of course nothing about that statement sounds political or off at all, does it? I mean, because the Dany stans/jonerii insist that Dany agreed and was FULLY onboard to come north before Jon bent the knee, so why would he say that, then? Go on, tell me...

Tyrion decides to throw in his unwanted .02 — simultaneously backing up Jon and feeding Dany’s savior complex (the greatest army blah blah blah — gods, I cannot wait until everyone sees how useless the dragons will be against the NK, especially when using them to roast the wights puts their own soldiers at risk). His words aren’t met with any gratitude when he also drops the bomb that another enemy house of the North is also on its way to Winterfell.

Sansa is taken aback but recovers quickly. Armed with her signature snark, she asks how they’re expected to feed the ‘worlds greatest army’ — something she did not prepare for — chased by a sassy, “what do dragons eat, anyway?”

But wa-wa-wait, HOLD UP. Did Dany just— Did she just throw down the gauntlet?

Why, I believe she did, my friends! jskslkdlsksjsklslsljsllsl 😂😂😂😂

I can’t even with this episode, guys. It’s like I’m watching a medieval version of Melrose Place (google it, youngin’s) with Jane and Sydney throwing shots by the poolside!

Okay, okay, but all joking and snark aside, Sansa has got a valid point. She isn’t prepared to feed all these extra mouths PLUS two fucken huge dragons. I mean, winter is here, and where could they possibly find enough food to sustain everyone? It’s almost as if the show is making it a point to remind us about the lack of food and where did we last see wagons loaded with food? Oh right, I remember...

Put this one behind Northern Independence on the list of ‘Petty Things That Won’t Matter Because the AotD is Coming’ — you know, because who needs food to survive? And who the hell wants independence, anyway?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Moving right along, and holy mother, maiden and crone, this is getting long and I’ve barely scratched the first 15 minutes of the show!

You know what? Nevermind, I’m just gonna go ahead and publish this, and post the rest tomorow when I finish it — I know y’all are thirsty anyway. lol Forgive the sloppiness, as I did this ALL on mobile, and my paragraph breaks kept disappearing and arrrrrghh tumblr!

*Some gifs/images mine. The others were taken from google. Thanks if it’s yours!!

#got afterthoughts #got s8 #jonsa #political!jon #anti jonerys #anti targaryen restoration #anti daenerys #(not really but just being safe)#melissa rants #long post

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spookysanta · 5 years

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clouded in anger (g.d.)

part 3 of 3.

Summary: the not-so thrilling ending to the saga.

WARNINGS: total smut, this is purely sex and sex dialogue, REALLY REALLY BAD SMUT IF YOU CAME HERE FOR GOOD SMUT you’ll be duely disappointed

WHY did i decide to do this to myself lmao BUT there’s 2 new fics i’m writing that’re coming out soon. they’re both cute as fuck i’m excited. one’s shawn and one’s ethan and DAMMIT i love white boys.

enjoy if you want :)

****

"What did I say? Hm?" His grip got tighter. "You just don't listen."

"I-I'm sorry!" He pulled me back closer to his body. "I do listen, I promise."

"And promises are meant to be broken, are they not?"

"Daddy, please-"

"Ah ah, no back talk." He wagged his finger at me. My scalp started to burn. "You're just askin' for it, huh?" He let my hair go and pushed me onto my back against the mattress. "You deserve all of this. Understood? No safe words."

"Yes Daddy."

"Good girl." He pecked my lips. He lifted my legs up over his shoulders and entered me again. I buttoned my lips to keep from crying out. "Scream for me babe."

"But you said not to."

He thrusted harshly into me. "I know what I said, but I'm telling you now to do the opposite." His hands crept around my throat.

Well alright.

"Daddy!" I moaned repeatedly. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"

He threw his head back and yelled loudly in pleasure. "Fuck."

I clawed and scratched at his chest and biceps that were infront of me. I peered at his face. Even when he's "punishing" me he still looks like a Greek god.

I felt the bundle of euphoria bubbling inside me. "Daddy," I panted. "I'm almost there."

"Oh yeah?" He smirked. He had me exactly where I wanted. "Wait a second." He pulled out again.

He stood and grabbed the foreign object from the nightstand. He placed it in his hand and held it out to show me.

It was... a button?

"What's that for?" I asked, slightly irritated that my orgasm is washing away.

"It's basically a vibrator that is one-fourth the size of a normal one and at least three times the power. This thing," He examined it as if he already didn’t know what it was and what it did. "packs a serious punch."

"And you're gonna do what?"

"Put it on you like this." He gently pressed it to my clit and turned it on, shooting heavy vibrations through my whole body.

I nodded as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. The bundle in me came back quickly, my legs shaking.

"Hey!" He scolded. "Look at me."

I tried to focus my blurring vision on his frame hovered over me. One of his hands was pumping himself and the other was on the tool inbetween my legs.

My mind got cloudy and my voice was gone as I moaned out loudly. "I'm gonna cum."

"Are you?" He chided and pressed the machine harder to my body. "Hold it."

"What? I can't!"

"You can. And you will."

My hips bucked and my legs shook and my eyes rolled so far to the back of my head I thought I would see my brain.

He started to move the machine in circular motions. "Holy fuck," I cried.

"Feels good?"

"Yes. S-So good." Tears of pleasure clouded my sight. "I can't hold it anymore."

"Are you gonna listen from now on?"

"Yes D-Daddy!"

"You're gonna stop being a little bitch to me? You know I don't like that shit."

I moaned in response. I couldn't trust myself to form a coherent sentence so I nodded.

He slapped the back of my thigh harshly. "Answer!"

"Y-Y-Yes."

"Good girl." Not removing his hand from the button, he scooped me up with his other arm and layed my head on his shoulder. He applied more pressure. He pressed on my lower abdomen with a flattened palm. "You can release, love."

I turned my head and bit his shoulder as I ejaculated. I think it sprayed all over the bed and floor. I wouldn't know for sure because my vision blacked out.

"Fuck babe." He groaned before pumping himself to a release.

He took the button of my sensitive area and rubbed the spot gently with his fingers. My legs bucked and slammed shut, which he opened back up and continued a couple more times before stopping completely. "Look at you, honey. Look what you did."

"Did what?" My now spent voice panted as my eyes closed in bliss.

"You squirted everywhere!"

"Hmm."

"You're a dirty girl, huh?" I nodded and cuddled into his chest. He kissed my temple. "You know I love you, right?"

"Mhm."

"And you pissed me off."

"I know." I kissed his chin. "I'm sorry."

"The next time I say, '[Y/N], get me extra Polynesian sauce at Chic-fil-A' and you don't, you better not be wondering why I put your ass to bed."

"Okay, pause." I held my hand up. "You need to say please next time."

"All I'm saying is that my chicken tenders were dry as hell and it was your fault."

He picked me up bridal style and carried me into the guest room and peeled the covers back. He set me in the bed and tucked me in before walking to the door. I grabbed his hand. "I'll be back. I'm gonna go and put the sheets in the wash." I shook my head no. "We can cuddle when I get back okay?"

"Kay."

I turned over and closed my eyes. Grayson came back about ten minutes later and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I love you baby."

He kissed my lips passionately. "I love you too Daddy."

#dolan fandom #dolan twins #grayson dolan #grayson dolan smut #dolan imagines #dolan tuesday #clouded in anger series #clouded in anger fic #don’t ask me to do smut again i think i never will

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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9.13, The Purge.

DONNA!

And again, we have another interspecies romantic couple, wherein another memeber of one of their families is bitter and angry and ready to tear down the whole peaceful, loving relationship and everything the couple has built together (9.11 had Cain and Colette who were destroyed by Abaddon in revenge, and 9.12 had Bess and Garth... not necessarily interspecies once Garth became a werewolf, but monster love in a human way, almost destroyed by Bess' stepmother for revenge). Now we have a relatively benign monster, who with the love of her human husband found a way to not only survive, but to thrive AND benefit humanity in the process, destroyed by the gluttony of her monstrous brother.

(huh, it just occurred to me that that covers Wrath, Pride, and Gluttony... I guess Vesta covered Lust, Metatron's pretty much got Greed wrapped up I mean... he wanted Heaven for himself. where's Envy and Sloth? this is irrelevant rambling I just loled at myself for...)

While I'm already wandering around pointlessly, please enjoy this commentary free quote:

SAM: Any idea what the vic weighed beforehand? OFFICER: 165 DEAN: So...180. Known fact -- all women lie about their weight and age. SAM: Wait, you told that waitress the other day you were 29. DEAN: Mm-hmm.

(okay I lied, there's commentary-- Dean was right, she was 180 according to the scale, so...)

Here have another:

DEAN: [smirking] Nice shorts. SAM: [quickly shoots back] Nice hairnet. DEAN: Yeah, why do I got to be the lunch lady? SAM: Since when have you ever complained about being around food? DEAN: Okay, this is not food. [Another kitchen staffer named ALONSO gets DEAN's attention.] ALONSO: Hey, new guy. Quit flirtin' with the trainer and keep scoopin', huh?

(because how does that look to an outsider? Like Dean's flirting with Sam and Sam is not reciprocating... he doesn't tell Sam not to flirt)

Unfortunately, Donna accidentally "outs" Sam to the human husband of the pishtaco as a hunter, and he tries to confront her brother on his own, far too trusting because he's supposedly "family." Meanwhile, Dean's unwittingly discovered how they prepare the patients for their fat suctioning... by eating some of the drugged pudding, salted caramel-- the best of both worlds, salty and sweet, and collapsing on a bag of sweet potatoes in the storage closet he's gone to hide in to eat his contraband pudding... (he's supposed to be setting a good example for the spa guests by eating the healthy food, not the one treat in the whole place). And just one look at the "supplements," and Dean recognizes them as roofies.

Family drama, monster style. because the Winchesters are still struggling with their own family drama:

SAM: Wait, Dean. We're not gonna kill Maritza. DEAN: She's a monster. SAM: Yeah, who saved our asses. DEAN: You said that you wanted to keep things strictly business. Well, last I checked, we were in the business of killing monsters. SAM: I wanted to keep things strictly business between us. But I still have a heart. What if I had crossed paths with a hunter back when I was possessed by Gadreel? I could've ended up dead, too. Would I have deserved that? Would I have deserved to die? DEAN [gives up the argument seeing it is a losing battle]: So, one-way ticket to Peru?

And to a degree, Dean’s just being extra-literal here for the sake of making his point. But in another respect, we are also starting to see the beginnings of the Mark of Cain’s effect on him, too, which probably isn’t helping anything either. At the beginning of this episode, he admitted to Sam he wasn’t sleeping, which is always a bad sign...

But also? Dean spends a good bit of words at the end of the episode explaining his position. The whole final scene of this episode is the codependency on display in painful fashion-- the fact that Dean is SHOCKED to discover that Sam wouldn’t have done the same to save Dean that Dean did without THINKING to save Sam, because Dean doesn’t realize he behaves more like Sam’s parent than his brother. The fact that Sam doesn’t understand why Dean saved him because he thinks it’s just because Dean doesn’t want to be alone, but hooooboy it’s so much more than that, going back to 1.01 when Dean was four and was charged with the Sacred Duty Of Protecting Sam that became his life’s mission (when anything less was failure and literally rejection by John, as we saw in 9.07). But neither of them understand this divide, and it’s only getting worse right now.

Sam actually saying to Dean that he’ll make sacrifices as long as it’s not him getting hurt, and HECK Sam, have you actually ever been paying attention here? Dean effectively sacrificed his entire damn life for you, and you don’t think that hurt him at all? YIKES. I know he’s feeling betrayed here, but... YIKES.

heck I don’t think it really starts to get better until late s11, and then only slowly...

under a cut, because it’s a long bit of dialogue for reference:

DEAN About what you said the other day. SAM [with an "I knew it" face] I thought it didn't bother you. DEAN [softly]: You know, Sam, I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at that church... And the hospital. I may not think things all the way through. Okay? But what I do, I do because it's the right thing. I'd do it again. SAM: And that... is the problem. You think you're my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in, and even when you mess up, you think what you're doing is worth it because you've convinced yourself you're doing more good than bad... But you're not. [DEAN's blank eyes stare at him] I mean, Kevin's dead, Crowley's in the wind. We're no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive? DEAN [shocked]: You kidding me? You and me -- fighting the good fight together. SAM [sighing in frustration almost leaves but then decides to explain. He come into the kitchen and sits down across from DEAN, who draws back unconsciously] Okay. Just once, be honest with me. You didn't save me for me. You did it for you. DEAN [totally confused] What are you talkin' about? SAM: I was ready to die. I was ready. I should have died, but you... You didn't want to be alone, and that's what all this boils down to. You can't stand the thought of being alone. DEAN [drawing back and standing up] All right. SAM: I'll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing as long as you're not the one being hurt. DEAN: All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing. SAM [very softly]: No, Dean. I wouldn't. [He looks up and meets DEAN's shocked eyes.] Same circumstances...I wouldn't. I'm gonna get to bed.

#spn 9.12 #s14 hellatus rewatch #winchester family dynamics #using your words #breaking the codependency #it's spirals all the way down #sam vs reality #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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w34rdk1dc0r3 · 5 years

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Why Killed Markiplier EXPLAINED (notes)

Hi these are my notes- they’re very sparatic and hard to understand but I figured y’all might want them. They were made while watching Markiplier’s latest stream—the time stamps are for DAMIEN and when Mark paused to explain. I don’t have the time stamps for where he explained everything though!! Sorry!

TLDR; this is me frantically taking notes on whatever Mark said related to DAMIEN. :)) these are unedited, so take the spelling errors and stuff with a grain of salt.

WKM notes:

-0:57 (Go Back to Sleep reference) “oh these are parallels - yeah you’re right these are parallels”. Opening shot of Damien from 0:04 of GBTS. Go back to sleep = wanted to make Damien. “This is the mood I want”. DIRECT PARALLEL.

-Opening, establishing, environment. THIS IS JUST HOW FAR DAMIEN WENT EVERY DAY; HE HAD TO GO THIS FAR JUST TO GET WOOD. VERY LONG WALK.

-1:05 Celine is an observer, waiting for him to come back.

-2:11 Wanted to flesh our Celine as a character. Celine = Unknown. “I am not a perfect writer, I’m not a great writer; I’m better than I was.” Celine introduced as not a perf character: motivations UNKNOWN/never determined. “Don’t trust the seer” =\= don’t know what she does/represents. Damien brother/sister canon; had something to care for. THERE TO PROTECT HER BROTHER!!!!! Damien has simple job.

-3:22 “mostly like- I wanted to write dialogue to establish relationship” Celine = overprotective controlling older sibling. Nice dynamic/friendly/showcase flower is not normal. THINGS ARE LOOPING; Celine stops “did u really see a flower?”; strange. SQUISHED. “Starting to sound like mom”

-3:30ish Damien SUDDENLY GETS TIRED. On a LOOP. Winter will be over soon. Trees covering hills = every day he goes to cut a tree. Endless trees. Living SAME EXACT DAY. Celine goes out at night to do business/job. NUMBER OF TREES NOT THE POINT. PURGATORY. FLOWER = FIRST CHBGE.

-4:40 flower: PINK!!!!! dialogue EXACT LINES from WMLWS. Winter -> spring, leaving purgatory. Flower = warfstache peeling back layers covering up world/crack code of matrix/starting to spread out. Flower just a result of warfstache coming to terms with what’s happening and where it’s going. Time is wishy washy. Time has no start or finish of it. Exists = always existed. Everything unified space, someone breaking rules over HERE spills out and effects others in that place. Rules change = rules change for everyone. Dialogue saying that THIS is a RESULT of warfstache, not!!! a conscious choice.

-5:21 pattern!!!!! established

-6:52 something is definitely changing and Celine is worried. Celine goes out to HUNT FOR ACTOR!MARK, NOT TO GUARD. GONNA KILL ACTOR!MARK. Go back to sleep/wake up: duality of two characters having to share a body. Celine made THIS place for broken things(Damien!!). Celine made mistakes in WKM; misjudged actor capabilities. Celine always tries to protect Damien!!!’ she would do LITERALLY ANYTHING to protect Damien. “YOU NEED SLEEP”-damien can stay “alive” only because he sleeps. Not getting enough sleep= you absolutely need to sleep while Celine is out bc you can only be yourself if that is so.

-7:45 bc warfstache is unintentionally breaking universe they’re in, actor!mark can take advantage of it. NOT deception. This day is important because change started NOW—everything before was looping. Damien cutting wood/useless task = Celine’s stuff in an endless loop too (finding mark). SOME control, not IN control. No one is IN CONTROL. Matter of them both being in purgatory until warfstache comes to term with his place in the world.

-8:32 can see shadow of figure in ice.

-9:33Damien’s led to believe Celine is in the water lol. Door of cabin locked from outside. (Flower)= no meaning. “Everything is very plain. With this, it is similar. Everything is very plain.” Too focuses on the details. Winter = seems like purgatory.

-10:02 voices - wanted something to fill the spaces of everything. Auditoría Kay engaging. Hearing things behind the scenes. “Why are you hearing voices?” Not abt what the voices are saying.

-10:13 Actor!Mark; very hard to voice 2 diff characters and have them sound remotely different.

-11:01 Wilford/A!Mark same line. Convey two different people who both (at this time of story) were saying apologies. TWO confrontations happen = similar (detective warfstache/Damien Mark). Similar convos, different people. Things happen in different ways because who they are. Will actually says an apology, actor mark NEVER apologizes.

-12:07 very first conversation we have with the actor. ONLY SAID ONE LINE “welcome welcome one and all, etc.” If something is not ON THE SCREEN or implied in some way, it isn’t 100% proven. Going through summary is PROOF of his crime. “Plans weren’t exactly properly executed”. What he wanted only happened 50%

-13:01 “Celine needed to have motivation to have a character/drive”. Can’t just say actor wanted revenge without painting the kind of person he is. He can’t imagine other people not loving that; thinks he’s doing Damien a favor. HES A NARCISSIST. “Nobody is fully evil or fully good”. Reason he thinks he’s the hero is bc if his perspective, he IS; everyone else is the villain/did him wrong.

-13:43 “oh yeah Wilford STOLE Celine from me lol” STUPID AND NARCISSISM WACK. His career tanked after she left. “It’s her fault bc he lost everything”. “I’m gracious because I decided to move on”.

-14:28 Damien starting to remember but doesn’t understand everything; big dummy softy. Doesn’t realize he’s KINDA dead. Rotten corpse = his reflection.

-14:59 actor wants MORE characters in his story; he wants a villain. Confusion of what you’re supposed to do- represents Damien’s confliction “when do I have a CHOICE??”

-15:30 for so long Wilford/actor have been “If Celine even saw me she would rip my heart out”; “Celine is a FUCKISBNG badass.”

-16:18 Damien just wants to make a choice “life is ours to CHOOSE”. Fire going out = Damien feels dead. Cold, dead.

-17:07 music=wanted to carry on emotional connection. Celine: “I’m tired” she has never slept; watching, hunting, NOT RESTING. Celine is a creature of willpower that she powers through it. Damien: “Am I dead?” Celine: “NO!!” Not on my watch; wall cracking-> sanctuary crumbling. “...no” :(( “I’m so tired”. Celine both starts to admit defeat, but then she picks herself back up. Damien cares so much about her and is very protective about her. Shared line: “just be careful/I can take care of myself (I don’t need help, especially from you.” If she keeps going down this path, she’ll never get out of it (same thing with Abe). Damien/Will want to help.

-17:23 “I know you can’t take care of me forever”; Damien making a choice, IMPORTANT. He trusts that Celine is trying to do the best for him; knows whatever she’s doing/her motives are, at the end of the day, she’s his sister and he wants to help. Whether or not that means things will change for him. Damien’s one moral: This is a story about coming to terms that life throws at you. About someone that didn’t choose things to happen to them, but (In mark’s mind) it’s not about what happens, it’s about how you respond. The choices you make when that happens; it may not always work out but those choices define who you are as a person. At the end of it all, Damien doesn’t understand but he knows Celine can’t do “this” alone.

-17:54 Damien knows he can’t go back to the life he had, and he’s okay with that. “He’s OK that Celine tried to fix, but trying to fix him will get her killed. And he’s okay with him not being fixed”.

-19:49 Celine has been doing everything herself; Damien is offering help. CELINE ISNT DEAD HECK YEAH. “This isn’t a place of the mind-“ fake water. SHE IS SLEEPING UWU UWU. MARKIPLIER TV INSTANTLY AFTER THIS.

-EXTRAS:

•Overarching meaning/story: “These are stories.” In the universe, the world they live in after WKM is stories. They’re acting our scripts/videos because they are characters in stories. It doesn’t matter what was said, it matters why. Celine/Damien live in that story because she made up a narrative for them. Nothing happening in DAMIEN is truly real. Actor wants the ideas of hero’s/villains, he wants to imagine and play pretend. The house is just an analogy for Mark’s imagination/head. CANON that there are plot holes.

EX Detective Abe: (WMLWS) He is going to be the detective in every story. Whatever detective role he needs to be. Doesn’t know why he has to hunt Will down. Hasn’t lived “The Detective”’s life, so he doesn’t know the details, doesn’t have the script. Wilford is acting out of the script because he isn’t IN the script; he’s having FUN.

•Damien: empathy / Warfstahce: insanity, zany, doesn’t always make sense, goofy, fun!!! / ACTOR: Narcissistic part of Mark.

•In “this universe” (the Masson/mark’s Brain), characters act out their lives-> transformed where life doesn’t make sense.

•Not all characters are a part of MARKIPLIERS personality. Characters not representing mark were before actually mark. Went in the mansion ->they were trapped there, the mind (of another Mark?).

•The viewer is, under those terms (an observer), right there, behind the class. They’re the viewer.

•After WKM, we’re watching everything unfold. We’re forced to be an observer -> we can’t change or do anything, only watch. We aren’t trapped with the characters.

•In CANON, Damien -> Markiplier TV.

•A Date with Markiplier doesn’t wrap in with this. Everything happens AFTER WKM.

•Actor SPIRALED bc he couldn’t accept that he lost roles/his wife left him. His choice was to create a situation that tore his entire friendship/ppl that cared abt him apart. He killed/destroyed lives/did terrible things bc that’s how he replied.

•Warfstache was thrown into situation where former friend contrived a situation that took everything away from him. Justification was madness; things didn’t make sense to him so he choose to role with it and enjoy things while they were there. Temporary nature of life is why it’s so precious. Lives in the NOW, the MOMENT.

•Damien has no choice of what was happening. Didn’t understand why his friends tore themselves apart/Will didn’t care/Mark dead/sister suddenly there performing occult things. He was robbed and had things stolen from him; he’s the kind of person that wants to help, he also wants revenge. But the point is: the choices that led him to where he was were choices that helped the ppl he cares abt.

•Who is the character in this universe that is the opposite of Mark (what he said abt darkiplier)?

#markiplier #WKM #who killed markiplier

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whimsicalethnographies · 5 years

Text

My Thoughts on Endgame

Major spoilers and a TL;DR on how it all collapsed under its own wibbly wobbly timey wimey logic

So, to start, it was fine. Like, it was just fine. There were parts I liked, parts I hated, parts I refuse to except as canon (and may not have to), and parts that just didn’t make any damn sense.

And at the bottom of it all, is how the movie was “a gift to the fans” and, while unspoken, a swan song. The fan service was TOO heavy, and it really felt as though they thought of their fanservice moments, and then built the story around those, rather than building a story and finding fanservice moments to sneak in.

Ok, things I liked:

There were genuinely funny moments, most of which didn’t feel smushed in. Nobody likes the stairs Hulk, and I’m glad that Steve has accepted that sometimes his Cap lines are a little Too Much.

While I hated the death, I do like that Tony Stark is literally the messiah of the universe. He didn’t owe anybody anything anymore, but he still took the step and made the sacrifice to protect his wife and his reality and his children. Plural.

I did like Tony being done, wanting out, yelling at the group. He was at his end and couldn’t do it anymore, and while there are legit discussions to have about CW--I think they were both wrong in a way--but the fact is he was right about the greater threat and nobody believed him.

I can’t believe a dorky photo of Peter Parker looking like a fish and messing up bunny ears and Tony Stark not smiling saved the universe.

Tom Holland is gonna win an Oscar some day. I knew what happened going in--I HATE not knowing--so while I got teary during several points, I started blubbering when he said, “we won, Mr. Stark. Mr. Stark, we won. You did it, sir.”

RDJ should win an Oscar for this. There were moments that were OOC but he still put everything into it. Him, Nat, and Peter were really the only ones I *felt* in this movie.

Their reunion hug--Peter coming back and being Purely Peter, and Tony looking at him, like oh my god, he’s exactly the same and I can’t believe he’s rambling like this I missed him so much.”

“Activate Instant Kill!” Oh, my sweet baby boy Peter. You kept the gauntlet safer than longer than anyone.

Tony Stark has been my Pretend Superhero Dad since I first saw Iron Man in 2008 in a dollar theater while munching on a sneaked-in Whopper. He is Iron Dad, both to Morgan and his Spider-son and he took an extra step, one he didn’t have to do, to make sure they both made it ok.

Also, and I love Carol, but Thanos yeeted her the fuck off the field with the power stone. Tony Stark withstood the power stone using his nanotech shield on Titan. Most Powerful Avenger.

Scott is a joy.

Cap and Mjolnir was an okay scene I enjoyed, but it was a prime example of writing the story around fanservice. Yeah, it was fun, but it was better to imagine he couldn’t fully lift it in AoU because he knew about Bucky and the Starks, so he wasn’t fully worthy.

Now, the things I *didn’t* like:

How did Carol find the Benetar? And how did she get it back?! Like, I know because she’s the embodiment of the Space Stone she technically has omnipresence and/or is capable of light speed, but does that extend to other objects? Wouldn’t it have torn the Benetar apart?

The time jump was *off.* And I have a hard time believing Tony would have just moved on like that. I think he would have tried, but it was too easy, considering.

The strange mismatch between desolation--NYC, arguably the most important city in the world, is a ghost town, while other places are fine? More on infrastructure problems later.

Hulk dabbing. Come on. Was that a joke on Bruce being old and out of touch, or are people still dabbing in 2023?

Thor. Oh Thor. His PTSD was treated as a joke--save his convo with Frigga--and it sucked, especially since they did so well with Tony’s PTSD. That’s the writers, who we all know have had their noses up Cap’s butt since forever.

The fact that it’s implied Pepper knew Tony wasn’t really happy when he went to talk to her about solving time travel. That he wasn’t settled, that this still weighed on him, even when it was hopeless. Why’d she let him build that life then?

“You can rest now.” Yeah, ok. Suffer so much, finally get what you want in your grasp, then your reward is death. See above. It cheapens his sacrifice because it’s implied he was never fully immersed and happy with his life.

Nat got done dirty. I wasn’t ok with it. I know it was supposed to be the final, “erase the red in her ledger” moment but why? Like Tony, she already had.

The infrastructure issues. The universe was halfed, then doubled, five years apart. Even if we accept that all of Peter’s friends and Flash were snapped, still doesn’t fly. See below for a possible out.

Cap. Oh Cap. My guy is dead but at least he’s The Hero. But they ruined Cap’s character. I don’t for a second believe he’d just sit and hide with Peggy. And they discussed heavily what happens when you subtract something from a timeline, and the splits, but what happens when you ADD something? I know the implication is that he was always Peggy’s husband, but it still doesn’t work, for the timelines stuff AND his character. And who’d he steal the shield from? He took something! And I don’t for a single second believe he went to Vormir. Nope. This was Steggy fanfic. And I don’t honestly care, but the fact is that he’s been working on moving FORWARD. A man out of his time trying to find himself. He literally took a step backwards.

Ok, adding on to that, the timey wimey nonsense. The movie spent SO MUCH TIME explaining the logic of their own rules and then don’t follow them. Here are some diagrams from my childhood bestie who gets time shit more than I do.

Apparently here is what they were trying.

They seesaw back and forth, but in the end Timeline F is the same as Timeline A, or the one they started from.

BUT, here’s her diagram of what actually happened:

It’s a big fat mess, and if the End Timeline is F, then the timeline where Tony snaps is D, and it got very confusing very fast. She’s going to type it up for me, but apparently the last third of the movie can’t exist per their own logic, least of all the end, especially because we don’t know exactly what Tony wished for. Was it the destruction of Thanos? What happens when you add a past to a future then delete that past? Where’s that timeline? What happened with Steve’s stuff? LOKI? A1 never ended because they literally took it. It’s not there anymore. Steve stealing the Pym Particles?! He took something and didn’t put it back. Another branch off. Did Tony wish, “give me what I need to fix this?” IF he did that, she posits, he smushed the timelines together to make everything coherent, AND potentially fix the infrastructure issues, so while A Tony’s BODY may have died, which Tony was it? Did he have a moment in the soul stone, like Thanos? Is that a requirement? What did he do/say there? (Also, just pointing out, never trust a funeral without a body, and the power of the Soul Stone is literally that no death is permanent. That’s its canonical power!!)

There’s so much mess and I’ll have more when my friend sends along her stuff. But I have NO problem deleting most of this from my mind, and I already have ideas to fix it, but I’ll leave those stories in the hands of people better able to tell them (I’m looking at you, @iron--spider) because I’m a dialogue bitch myself.

I told @iron--spider last night I felt adrift, and typing this out I know why. I’m not mourning, I’m not excited. I’m devastated by Tony’s death but there’s so many logic holes my brain isn’t even struggling to see a way around it. I’m livid about Steve, because he went backwards. Thor’s trauma was played for laughs. I have no satisfaction because of ALL THE HOLES, and because they literally wrote a story around fanservice--a huge amount of it their own--instead of writing the story and then adding fanservice to it.

It was fine. I’ll probably buy it when it’s released, but I don’t need to see it again. And I’m curious about Far From Home because of the infrastructure but I don’t know if I’ll wait until it’s out on video just because I don’t have any urge to watch Peter Parker mourn another parent.

In the meantime, until the fix-its start rolling in, here’s a ready-made fix-it that Iron--spider wrote last year, to hold us through: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183011/chapters/35211239

It was fine. And so full of holes it doesn’t even cement its own canon, despite what Disney officially decided to put on the big screen.

“I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

#endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #get on this best writers #there's so many outs

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amwritingmeta · 7 years

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12x19 Deconstruction: Cas and Kelly, and Most of the Episode

Oh, this episode. This episode has me salivating with inspiration and a bit of worship - the structure is so damn good I want to just use it as a private staple from here on out. (I won’t.) (Or will I?...) Okay, let’s move onto the actual focus of this deconstruction: the baby. I have stated again and again how...

I do not believe the baby is evil - I believe it’s good.

So let me here give you my foremost reasons for why I so firmly believe this, but first, can we just do a slow clap for the amazing work of writers Robert Berens and Meredith Glynn and the stunning job done on this episode by director Amanda Tapping? Thank you. (Yes, okay, let’s stop now.)

I’m going to have to dip into the entirety of this episode now in order to make my reasons for believing the baby is of the Good stick. I’ll spend an extra moment on the pivotal scene in the motel room, but honestly, this episode is so Cas/Kelly focused that it’s impossible not to look at the entirety of both of their story lines through every beat of this forty-two minute blitz of deep character development for Cas. It’s fucking amazingly crafted. Again, prostrated on the floor, Writers.

But what about Destiel?

Well, of course this is a Destiel heavy episode, and for very good reasons, too, but I’m going to discuss Dean as he relates to Cas’ character arc this time around, rather than how they both relate to their joint love story arc. (Okay, the love story arc will be part of this discussion because it can’t not be, but it won’t be in focus.) (There will be Destiel.) (Wait COME BACK I SAID THERE WILL BE DESTIE—… Good. Hi. There will be Destiel. Okay? Just alittlemoreCasKellybabydiscussionshhhhhhh let’s begin now.)

So, then: Why Is the Baby Good?

Oh, boy. The answer is a long and complex one, because it doesn’t really occur in one scene, rather it just keeps coming at you throughout the episode. And it starts as early as the recap sequence, where we’re reminded of Dagon’s role as Protector. The dialogue where she convinces Kelly to come with her is chilling, and significant:

Dagon: I’m a demon - you’re Rosemary, complete with baby. Kelly, the angels, the Wincesters, the good guys - they want you dead, but I can protect you. I can protect your son.

Even though Kelly might have had reservations, what happens when the Winchesters decide to interfere, tricking Kelly and more or less kidnapping her against her will, really only serves to prove one thing: they have nothing on Dagon.

Sam: We want to help. Kelly: You call this helping?

Kelly has no faith in them whatsoever and when Dagon comes for her, she’s resigned to go with her - there’s no salvation to be had here, the Winchesters, whatever their motivation, can’t protect her or her child.

THE OPENING SCENE

The opening scene of 12x19 gives us a harrowing setup, immediately declaring the new relationship between Kelly and Dagon as Dagon is now Kelly’s Captor - the Protector role long gone. Dagon forces vitamins down Kelly’s throat as Kelly’s refusing them. Kelly’s appearance is filthy, her expression vacant: all hope has gone from her. The following exchange (shortened) is, however, intriguing to the extreme in terms of foreshadowing:

Dagon: Stop disrespecting the god inside of you. Kelly: He’s gonna kill me. Dagon: Yeah. And he’s not gonna stop there. Every sad, weak human; every tight ass angel; every snivelling demon - they’ll all be consumed.

Now, I would like to draw your eye away from the narrative of the entire series, and instead focus you on the contained narrative of this specific episode. Everything interlaces gorgeously either way, and the whole of the series is reflected in the prisms of the character arcs of this episode, but putting that aside, let’s simplify it, for simplicity’s sake.

Dagon is not only a Prince of Hell, she’s Lucifer’s closest, she’s acting directly under his orders, but, in the context of the narrative of this episode, she is not a parallel to Lucifer: she is a representative of Evil, of darkness, of death and of destruction. She is everything bad in this world, every last minute of suffering and heartbreak. She is representative of the end to all things. She declares this in her speech: all will be consumed, and she’s delighting in the thought.

(This is, of course, in perfect linkage with Lucifer’s arc this season: he’s breaking daddy’s toys and he just created the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, but I’m adding that as an aside. In the narrative of this episode Dagon is a representative of all Evil, not just the evil of Lucifer.)

Now, after Dagon has drained every last morsel of any possibility that hope might rekindle within Kelly, we witness one of the most horrifyingly realistic and absolutely amazingly shot and acted suicides I’ve ever seen on television. It has such cinematic quality, it’s so deeply sad and moving, that I again send out kudos, this time especially to the amazing Courtney Ford. Because wow, what a performance.

Now, the act of Kelly killing herself is tied into the overarching theme of the show: that of sacrificing yourself to save the world, to do what is right; but moreover it’s also tied to the S12 prevailing theme of parenthood. Kelly tells her son she’s sorry, she loves him, but she can’t allow him to be the cause of so much suffering - she’ll sooner kill them both. This is what Dagon’s words have brought her to: suicide.

Of course, the baby saves her life, only to have Dagon taunt Kelly’s newfound faith in her son - telling her that her son doesn’t want her alive, he saved her to save himself. He’ll kill Kelly when he’s born and then Dagon will raise him, nurture him, teach him to kill - like a mother should. Yup, there’s that parenthood theme again, now firmly tying itself with Dagon’s character arc. (I do believe this theme has been there in practically every single episode this season and I’ve been loving it.) (In case that hasn’t been made clear by previous posts.)

THE REUNION/MIXTAPE EXCHANGES

I’ve gone into deep-deconstruction mode on this already and won’t do so here, except to take a closer look at Cas and his motivations in this scene, and the following one with Dean and the (I still get so giddy at the very thought) mixtape.

We know what the brothers don’t: Cas has been approached by the angels to assist Heaven in tracking down Kelly Kline. So as soon as Cas delivers that line about going to the angels, thinking they might help with Dagon, we as the audience know he is lying, and that he’s clearly not back at the Bunker to ask Dean and Sam for help or even to be honest with them.

Cas is having to go behind their backs - and he’s distressed about it.

Damn is Misha good in this scene. Okay, back on track.

Cas can’t stand deceiving the people who trust him, and the fact that Dean is so pissed off with him doesn’t make things any easier, but Cas has to do this, because if he doesn’t, Dean or Sam will have to kill Kelly and her baby and he knows what that will do to them. Oh, he knows it very well, even before he asks Dean if the brothers could kill an innocent, because he knows that they’d never get over it.

This ties in with what Dean told him in that Let’s Have an Impromptu Lunch Date scene from 10x09, in which Dean tells Cas that some things you have to forget about, confessing to this being the opposite of what he does. So now, with Kelly Kline and her child, Cas can’t have that. He’s protecting Dean, and he’s protecting Sam, as he always has done. As he’s learned you’re supposed to do for the people you love, and he’s learned this from Dean, whom he considers a role model, someone who has always been the one to guide him through the human experience, advising and berating him in equal measure, but, more than anything else, showing him true loyalty and friendship.

Cas’ confession to Dean - honesty amidst the lying - says so much about what his mental state has been ever since he was told he was expendable in S11. He’s been carrying that feeling with him ever since then, he’s been low on energy for all of S12, feeling tired and despondent, and verbalising this when he tells Dean that he needed to come back with a win for him, then adding that extremely significant “for myself”, this moment, and this particular bit of Cas exposition, is so important for how the rest of the episode shapes up.

Because Cas’ starting point is all things Bad: duty is forcing him to lie to his friends, his family, in order to get that win, in order to do what’s right and protect the people he loves by making a choice for them. His hopelessness and willingness to selfless sacrifice is mirrored in Kelly’s attempted suicide: their character arcs’ starting points in the episode are the same, moving them onto a conjoined path of Good where they begin to share a need of protecting the baby. (No, they’re not brainwashed into it by.) (No, they’re not being controlled.) (Hang on, I’m getting to it, I promise.) (Okay, let’s skip ahead to...)

MOTEL ROOM EXCHANGE

Cas is now, in effect, acting as Kelly’s Captor. He is escorting Kelly - and her unborn child - to a place where both of them will die. He’s doing this because he believes it’s right - just as Dagon did - only Cas is Dagon’s complete Opposite. As demonstrated in this scene.

Even before this, when Cas is telling Kelly his plan to take her to Heaven, where she and the baby will die, but peacefully, he’s still regretful, even though he’s more Castiel - soldier of the Lord - in that exchange than I believe we’ve seen him in quite some time. This because he has a determined mission, these are his imperatives, and this is his plan: this is Cas with a purpose. He states the facts to Kelly, in that scene in the truck, without much emotion or circumvention.

But then, this following exchange takes place in the motel room:

Kelly: Something happened to me, Castiel. I lost hope, I tried to… I killed myself. I slit my wrists. I died. And then… he saved me. He brought me back to life. Cas: That was the pulse. We felt that in Heaven. Kelly: His power. His soul surged through me and it was good. Pure. I feel-… I know he is good. Cas: Kelly, what your child did that’s testament to his power, but it’s not proof of some goodness. He needs you alive. Kelly: Maybe. Or maybe it was a miracle. Maybe everything that I’ve been through, everything that I still have to go through is happening for a reason. Maybe it’s part of some plan. Cas: No, it isn’t. I used to believe in a plan. I used to believe that I had some mission. But I have been through enough now to know that everyone is just winging it. Some of us quite badly. Lucifer - he’s just breaking toys, he’s sowing destruction and chaos and there is no grand purpose at work. And there’s no special role for you. When Lucifer took over Rooney’s body, I’m sorry, you were just there. Kelly: I know my baby can be good for this world. Cas: Kelly, if he’s born… That is not something you can survive. So even if you are right, and even if the worst isn’t inevitable, then who will care for him when you’re gone? Who? Who is strong enough to protect him and to keep him from evil influences and to keep him on the righteous path? …What? Kelly: He just kicked… Do you wanna? Cas: Oh… No. Kelly: It’s not a big deal, Castiel - he does it like ten times a day.

Let’s talk about this now. Let’s look at the words chosen for this exchange. Let’s YouTube the sucker and look at the scene again and really let all of the details sink in, especially with regards to how these two characters interact.

Cas is quite stand offish when the scene begins and they’ve just entered the room. He’s a little impatient, annoyed at the error of the truck breaking down, at not knowing how to fix it (thinking of Dean Dean Dean), and - remembering what happened last time he let Kelly go to the restroom alone - he promptly escorts her out of the small bathroom and has her sit on the bed.

He then fetches her the water.

If there wasn’t a difference between him and Dagon before, this is where we really begin to notice it. In his Captor role, all he’s doing is done because he believes it’s right - just as Dagon did - and the fact that he’s taken up her cape becomes even clearer during his dialogue with Kelly, when he almost verbatim repeats Dagon’s words back at Kelly regarding her son: saving his mother’s life doesn’t prove the child is good, the child needs his mother alive in order to survive.

Kelly begins her rebuttal speech to this statement in an over-zealous, almost devout way - the same, nearly startling, conviction on her face that she had while speaking to Dagon about the baby having saved her life. This could be the look of someone under the influence of a supernatural being - but because of what comes after it, because of the dialogue chosen for these two characters, I believe this is the Good Mother showing her utter devotion to her child. She is not being influenced to convince Cas.

Why not?

The answer actually lies within Cas’ speech to her about there not being any grand scheme afoot here, there is no plan, no greater purpose. He tries to bring Kelly down to the level he’s at with his faith, which is - after everything he’s been through - at zero. He tries to make her see reason, the way he’s been forced to.

Because God has left. Actually, God left a very long time ago. Cas was never following God’s orders and the disillusionment this caused in him chipped away at every ounce of belief until he was left with this emptiness. Heaven may be more or less in order, but at what cost? Lucifer was let out of the cage because of a decision Cas made and managed to produce a nephilim on his watch so it’s little wonder Cas feels responsible. No wonder Cas needs Kelly to hear him. She will die either way and her baby?

Oh, yes, here’s the clinch. This is it. This is the piece of dialogue that sealed it for me. Cas says:

Cas: Who is strong enough to protect him and to keep him from evil influences and to keep him on the righteous path?

And not only is it that the dialogue makes use of that incredibly significant word “righteous”, but even more than that is it the action that follows it - when the baby kicks.

I yelped at the mention of the word “righteous” because not only is it another callback, but it takes us all the way back to 4x16, and Cas telling Dean that line of dialogue of how the righteous man who began it is the one who will end it. Yes, it was all a rouse to get Dean to become Michael’s vessel. The dick angels played Dean and they played Cas and this is where Team Free Will really began. But see? This is where Team Free Will really began.

To Cas, Dean has always been The Righteous Man because Cas could see what the others couldn’t. That’s why he beat Dean up in that alley - because he knew Dean was better than that. And what if - it’s a big if - but what if Kelly’s right and Cas is wrong believing there isn’t a plan? It doesn’t take away Free Will. It just means that to reach the end result of the plan - which, to me, is endgame represented in a balance between Heaven, Hell and Earth - the people entrusted with this task need to make the right choices. They need to have faith, show trust in each other and work together.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, into the conjecture part of the proceedings. I apologise.

As if making me yelp by bringing up the word “righteous” wasn’t enough, then the look on Cas’ face when he places his hand on Kelly’s stomach made my heart ache for him. This is Cas as we’ve come to know him, someone who loves and is in awe of humanity, and how it can create life. That smile is something we’ve never seen on Cas’ face before.

He’s more human than angel in this moment.

And this is what the baby responds to when it shows Kelly a flash of the future: I would assume it’s Lucifer rising, Cas stepping in front of Kelly saying “You stay away from her”. Cas, in complete contrast to Dagon, who thought of Kelly as disposable waste, is protecting the baby’s mother. This is why the baby now chooses Castiel. It happens in this moment. Cas goes from being Captor, to being Protector.

THE WINCHESTERS

All I’m going to put in here, because this scene of the brothers arriving to the motel room will be tackled in the 12x20 meta I’ll start working on tomorrow (I hope) (Fuck, it’s midnight.) (Okay.) (Yeah, I won’t finish that this weekend. Grr.) But what I’m going to add in here is Kelly’s attitude to the Winchesters:

Kelly: Sam and Dean, they want to take away his power because they’re scared.

This line of dialogue is delivered as Cas and Kelly have stolen the Impala and revved out of the motel parking lot. In this scene Cas learns that the baby has chosen him. He tries to tell Kelly that he’s not fit to protect her, in dialogue restating for the third time in this episode how useless he thinks he is.

Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again.

But I have been through enough now to know that everyone is just winging it. Some of us quite badly.

I am not someone that you should put your faith in, Kelly.

And Kelly responds with this:

Kelly: I don’t know why it’s me, and I don’t know why it’s you, but I know that we are destined for something here. Something great. Cas: I wish I had your faith. Kelly: You will.

They start out in the same place this episode: faithless. But Kelly, through her son soul surging through her - a power felt even in Heaven - saving her life, now has complete faith, and puts some of it, if not all of it, in Cas being the right choice. She trusts him implicitly. In a sense, she steps in as his spirit guide. She has good cause to trust him, too - even though he’s taking her to Heaven to die: he didn’t kill her in cold blood, he went with the diplomatic route by allowing her to choose. He went with the route of Free Will.

Cas has always been a representation of what is Good in humanity: love, loyalty, perseverance, selflessness.

Even in his darkest moments, those moments have only come about because of these staple traits to his character. And his inability to involve others in his choices - which is inspired by who again? Oh, yes, that’s right - Dean Winchester’s inability to involve others in his choices, Dean making choices for those he loves, always feeling and always carrying that weight of the world that makes everything and everyone his responsibility. Is it any wonder then, that Cas is forever trying to share in the burden? All he’s ever done since placing his hand on Dean in Hell has been to try and help Dean. But unfortunately, this need has never lead Cas to anything but catastrophe - because he needs to root the need in his own wants and needs, not what he believes Dean wants and needs from him.

So, leaving Destiel (told you there’d be a touch of love in this post) I’ll restate as a short reminder:

Dagon represents Evil Castiel represents Goodness

Let me say it once more time, because it hones into the point I want to make (you know, the one about the goodness of Lucifer’s son): Cas and Dagon are each other’s mirror Opposites in this narrative and it’s so extremely well-written I can barely even stand it. Seriously. I’m like wringing my hands and pulling on my hair over here, my brain crackling like I’m going absolutely mental over it. (I kind of am.)

The Evil one starts out on a power trip believing she is destined to rule all, next to Lucifer, while the Good one starts out feeling lost and powerless. Can you see how they built this narrative into an X? The Evil and the Good meeting in the middle, where Cas gets his hands on Kelly, and Dagon is left being screamed at by her now finally terrifying again - even though he’s still chained up - boss from Hell? And how the narrative again splits as we move towards that final scene and Castiel spreading his proverbial feathered wings? Oh, there is such glory here I now want to cry. (Not really.) (Yeah, kinda really, actually.)

WWCD

Now we come to the root of the matter. We come to that thing that makes me believe, more than anything else in this episode, that this baby is good.

If the fact that Dagon so clearly represents Evil that will Destroy the Universe and Cas so clearly represents everything that is Opposite to this (i.e. the future) isn’t enough to convince you, then let me tackle Cas’ character development in this laser-focused narrative of one episode. Let me tell you how I have waited, and waited, for Cas to get his comeuppance. Ever since that heartbreaking moment in 11x10 when first his own angelic sister, and then this woman who has bewitched the man he loves, told Cas that he was expendable, what little self-worth he’d gathered over the years, whatever belief in his own capabilities, just drained from him completely.

We all saw it.

It was so goddamn painful to watch, and it has so clearly lingered, like something heavy, ever since Lucifer was exorcised from him in 11x22. (The fact that Dean couldn’t open up in that damned (beautiful) Brologue in 11x23 didn’t help the matter.)

As for Cas and Dean this season, which has been such an influence on Cas’ character arc - as ever it was - it has been intriguing and exciting to watch the undercurrent of unspoken things between them. There has been such a snappy annoyance there, practically every time they’ve been in the same room together, that it’s been entertaining and gorgeously frustrating at the same time. The UST has been thick enough to cut through with a dull knife, especially on Dean’s part, where Jensen’s body language has just gotten tenser and tenser as the season has progressed. (And then there’s the Rock Star Leather Jacket of Sex moment.) (After Dean serenades Cas on the guitar, of course.) (All look at me, look at me, I’m not just a lumberjack, I’ll sing songs, I’ll sing songs.) (I love this show.)

Cas has been mostly confounded by it all, mirroring Dean’s annoyance and feeling, more than ever, like he doesn’t belong. Like there’s no place for him anywhere. So that heavy feeling has progressively gotten worse. And when he picked up that angel blade and killed Billie, that choice was riding on the back of walking into that fight with Lucifer, not caring for his own safety in the least. Because this is the thing: Cas sees himself as the hammer. He sees himself as the expendable first wave, clearing the way for the real heroes, because this is his deepest fear pertaining to his character arc: that this is all he is to the brothers and, furthermore, that this is all he is capable of being.

The first half of this season (and most of S11) was heavily focused on this for Cas’ character arc. He has lost all faith in himself after making all those horrendous choices that have gotten angels and humans killed, that has devastated Heaven. Not only has he been labeled expendable, but, especially this season, he’s been called the Winchesters’ purse dog, attack dog - dog, dog, dog. This, I feel, is to demonstrate the role he has assigned himself in their dynamic: the hammer and the shield. It’s a vicious fearful circle because he plays the part afraid that if he doesn’t there is no place for him with the brothers, not seeing that neither brother expects him to play this part. (As demonstrated over and over this season, and finally coming to a head in 12x12 where the brothers, at last, take a stand for him and show him that he is truly one of them. Only... there is still that one thing missing, of course. But I shan’t digress!)

What this episode does, with such amazingly even beats, is not only remind us of Cas’ past - which is why it’s so wonderfully Destiel heavy, fitting perfectly with Dean’s character arc and furthering their joint love story arc in what is nothing short of writing gold - but this episode also tells us of where Cas is at right now: that soldier of Heaven who blazed into Dean’s life with the confidence, the arrogance, of someone who knows they work for God himself, that soldier left Cas a long time ago.

He’s learned that there is no reason to have faith, because no one is watching over you. You’re on your own. What he needs to be reminded of is that, though this may be true, this means, more than anything, that you should have faith in yourself.

And this is what his character arc has been all about. From the very first. Choosing Free Will does not mean throwing yourself headfirst into impossible situations, it does not mean sacrificing yourself without a thought for the consequences, it does not mean taking all the responsibility on yourself, always. Free Will simply means asking yourself “What do I want?” And Cas has never once done that. Cas needs to find his way into his own individuality, into his own self. As mentioned, he’s been so lost because all he’s ever done is relate himself to Dean and what Dean might need or want from him. This is as stunting as the brothers’ codependency. Cas loves Dean, but Dean cannot be his only reason to feel love, because that will keep Cas from growing as a person.

So how can Cas grow as a person then? Well, Dean is human and yes, he does represent humanity, but Cas has watched over humanity since long before Dean was born. Cas’ love for humanity itself - his deep awe of his father’s creation is what is now giving Cas - through this baby - a sense of purpose that isn’t tied to Dean. (And still is tied to Dean. I know, this narrative is so deliciously complex.) Cas wants to help. He’s restated that over and over and over again. This is his foremost motivation: to help and to protect. He isn’t a hammer and he isn’t an attack dog. And this is why the baby chose him as its mother’s Protector.

It’s very telling to me how Kelly consistently calls Cas “Castiel”. She never once calls him Cas, which is quite unusual. Even characters that only share one scene with him have reverted, since early on, to calling him Cas rather than Castiel. We’ve had callbacks to Castiel through Ishim and through Kelvin this season, so is there any wonder that, when Dean watches Cas get powered up, all Dean can see is Castiel? And is there any wonder this freaks him the hell out? Nope. Remembering that badass, fucking terrifying, celestial being who was completely unreliable and unpredictable I would say there is no wonder whatsoever.

FULL-FEATHERED ANGEL

That final scene. Oh, that final scene of the episode.

Here I would say that Cas passes a final test with flying colours when he confronts Dagon - a Prince of Hell - with nothing but an angel blade, stepping in front of Kelly with a “You stay away from her”, echoing the words he spoke in the flash of the future the baby showed Kelly in the motel room. He will fight and he will die if it means protecting the Good Mother from the Bad Mother. The Protector will shield mother and baby from the Captor - who stands for nothing but suffering. The baby, convinced, works through Kelly and restores Cas’ powers so that Cas will be able to protect them to his absolute fullest capabilities.

Cas is Castiel once more.

Sam: What was that? Cas: It was me. But it was also…

This, I believe, is the beginning of “the better way”. I believe the baby sets them all on a course down the better way, towards a series ending that will have everything to do with balance, but I’ll jot my thoughts down on endgames and such in another post. This one is already balking under the word count. ;)

Now, I say “Cas is Castiel” - but what I mean is that, of course, he’s still Cas. Like he even says himself: “It was me.” The difference is that, this time, instead of lacking faith, instead of fearing making the wrong choice, as he has done on so many other occasions when shouldering the weight of the world, he knows now what has to be done, and he knows - because he believes, finally, in himself - that this is the right thing to do. This will bring peace, this will bring balance, this child is innocent and as long as he’s kept from Lucifer he will grow up good. And it will change everything for the better.

This moment - this reward, this win - for Cas’ choices throughout the episode, is what the story arc has been moving towards. He began convinced mother and baby had to die for the greater good, and now he knows that for the good to be great, the baby must live. This, again, reflects Kelly’s journey in that opening scene and their mutual tie to the baby loops around Cas with the theme of parenthood, which has already been explored in his character arc through Claire and his need to make amends for taking Jimmy from her.

This further’s my conviction that, in a season dealing with Good Parents vs Evil Parents, this Good Parent coupling (don’t worry, I don’t mean that in a sexual way, simply a spiritual way) underlines the fact that the baby is not controlling them. It’s clearly influencing them, showing them flashes of what can be if they make the right choices and sure, this could be construed as it lying to them, manipulating them, and that the twist will be that we’re lulled into a sense of security, but the baby turns out to have been evil all along, but it doesn’t fit with the tone of the episode or Cas’ deeply personal and profound character evolution he’s afforded for making the right choice.

There’s also the visual of the white light that is mingling with the hellfire in Cas eyes as he kills Dagon...

...and how the baby used Cas to kill her: the baby wasn’t protecting itself, the baby was always protecting its mother. I’ll restate that the parenthood theme throughout the season has dictated that the Bad, Negligent, Selfish, Evil Parent is dealt with: this type of parenting is inadvisable, to say the least. (And it goes so brilliantly with Dean’s character arc and his need to settle everything with the past in order to move into his brighter future that I can’t even.)

Dagon’s speech to Kelly about how her son was going to be raised by Dagon into killing everything, I believe, sealed Dagon’s fate and helps to underline my point: this child does not want to kill everything. It does not want to kill its mother. There is love in this child already. And why shouldn’t there be? It’s grandfather is God himself, the child has angel grace in it, it’s just as linked to Heaven as it is to Hell, and more than that, of course, it is a product of humanity.

(And this is why it’s powerful enough to oversee all three and bring order to the chaos of this world, where angels were never meant to walk among humans and where demons are running amok. I don’t think it’s by chance that Dagon refers to the baby as “the god inside you” to Kelly. This child has the power to be the new God - but he would be so with faith in his grandfather’s creation, and an iron fist for those that disobey him.) (I could discuss Chuck’s shortcomings as a father and how that has lead to the creation of this nephilim to begin with, but not here. Nope.)

I want this scenario so badly now that I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s such a glorious loop back to how this all began. With Azazel and Sam, with Dean and the 66 seals, with Lucifer like this dark shadow over both their lives, over the lives of their parents, and Chuck somewhere in the peripheral, the angels always watching, and here we now come upon the final confrontation and it’s all just tying up into a beautiful tapestry of perfection. WRITERS I LOVE YOU. EVEN IF I’M COMPLETELY WRONG, I SHOULD ADD. *shouty*

What about that final moment between Cas and the brothers? What about that final shot of the brothers knocked out and Cas and Kelly driving away? Ominous anyone? Well. No, actually. I take other things from it, because here’s what leads up to it.

Cas: You’re hurt.

I mean. Do I even really need to comment on this moment? There’s such tenderness here, such sudden intimacy, and I feel it bodes well. Cas has gotten his mojo back and with it he feels more himself than he has in a long time. I believe returning to his angelic form is imperative for Cas to choose to become human, but I’ll explore that in my spec post. Back to the scene...

Because then:

Dean: Cas? Are you okay? Cas: I am. I’ve been so lost. I’m not lost anymore. I know now this baby must be born, with all of his power. Sam: You can’t actually mean that. Cas: Yes, I do. I have faith.

And then:

Cas: You have to just trust me.

And then:

Dean: No, no, no, whatever that thing did to you we’re not gonna let you just walk away.

Especially Dean’s comment is what is important to me here, because not only does he protest three times with those repeated “no”s, but he also calls the child “that thing” and unequivocally hints that the brothers are going to fight to keep Cas there. So Cas knocks them out, because he’s leaving and where he’s going they can’t come with him. Especially if they’re going to refer to the child as a “thing”. Sorry, Dean, lights out for you.

Cas asks the brothers to trust him. Okay, he more or less tells them to, but he does it with an ease about him. As though he expects them to, because he knows he’s trustworthy and because he knows he’s right this time around. Bringing up trust in this moment, to me, is also significant, because Cas is trusting himself for the first time in a long time, and he wants that trust reciprocated. Team Free Will. When they don’t, not only does he make the decision of proceeding alone, he also knocks them out to protect them, to keep them from following, because what’s another glaring detail that hints toward Cas being Cas is that Cas - again underlined as the Opposite of Dagon - does not zap Kelly and him out of there.

Instead, they get in the truck - you know, the truck that Dean fixed with his own bare hands...

...and they drive off.

The mournful tune at the end signals, to me, that FOR FUCK’S SAKE AGAIN YOU GUYS CAN’T JUST GET YOUR HEAD’S OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND WORK TOGETHER IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TEAM FREE WILL! Then again, maybe that’s me projecting my frustration. :)

Either way, I’m not worried now. I believe the team will reassemble in the season finale.

So, in conclusion, these are all the reasons why I believe the baby is Good and that we are headed good places. Through hellfire and death and tons and tons of worry, of course.

Thanks, as ever, for your time and your patience!

#spn meta #spn 12x19 #castiel #kelly kline #lucifer's son #spn #destiel

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