#it wasn’t even that long ago since my last rewatch

[esprei]

VOLO TIME *cue piano* OK SO... I’ve been meaning to write this up for a while now - my thoughts, observations and general musings on Volo (and maybe a headcanon or two?) (please keep in mind this will be very jumbled - literally just me trying to talk about why this character has grown on me and why I love him so much now so without further ado, let’s go! also, big shoutout to @sunnyluma for helping grab most of these screenshots tyyyyyy ;-;)

((under a cut because this will be loooong))

Ah, Volo... where do I even start?  I was pretty indifferent towards him at first and the same can be said as I played through the game. I honestly thought that he was just a Legends Arceus version of Cynthia, nothing more nothing less (since, y’know he had similar looks, mannerisms and things, not to mention the whole various characters as ancestors bit). For some reason gen 4 is the gen that resonates with me the least (I’ve uh... never actually finished a gen 4 game or fought Cynthia 😬), and while I do think Cynthia is a really cool champion and character in general, I definitely don’t feel a lot of the same hype for her that others do. So that, in turn, applied to Volo for me as well. It was like a... he’s just there kind of situation. But fast forward from finishing the game to hyperfixation on submas to maybe... two months ago? Three now? I dunno, can’t remember the timeline, but what I DO remember is looking at Volo one day and being like... wow. He’s cool. I like him. More specifically, I was looking at his character design sheet at the time. And in that moment it really sank in that, wow this guy is freaking tall. 190cm? equivalent to 6′3″? What in the world. And just... something about that cocky smirk of his in his artwork, coupled with the fact that it’s right next to his goofy Arceus cosplay with that hair... He hooked me. Seriously. Look at him:

(This outfit has also grown on me btw I unironically love it because look at him he’s in his Arceus cosplay and he confidently rocks it like i can’t-) Anyway part of it is probably because I love characters who have crazy or sinister expressions. They can be fun! So then I rewatched the cutscene that happens after you win against him and Giratina because I couldn’t quite recall the sequence of events that happened there and I was curious. And MAN I was shocked... I did not really remember ANY of this?? Seriously, there’s so much packed into these last few lines before he walks away (forever... sobs...). I feel like I really see a glimpse into Volo’s complexity during this whole cutscene. Or, at the very least, his insecurities. Just take the following for example:

HE LOOKS SO SAD... SERIOUSLY, this particular little scene always gets to me. Like... ok. Yeah, he not too long before this ordered Giratina to strike you down to get the plates because he said he wasn’t above using force to get them from you, but it’s here where I really see a guy who’s questioning himself in this moment. It’s like he’s putting so much worth into Arceus’s view of him, he’s so convinced that he’s the chosen one because of his bloodline that when Arceus doesn’t choose him he’s lost. Confused. Surprised Pikachu face even. 

I dunno... we unfortunately don’t have a lot of backstory on him, but I feel like this guy has (or feels like he has) a lot of pressure on his shoulders due to the nature of belonging to a bloodline that has pretty much since died out, save for himself and Cogita. Or maybe even that he put that pressure on himself? Which brings me to this... a scene that REALLY caught my attention when watched it again because I actually read what he says???

If you follow me over on twitter, you might have seen me talk about this scene a while back - more specifically what he says in the first two screenshots. It’s honestly one of the ones that led me to look into Volo even more because seriously... Volo. Who or what hurt you. What happened. Talk to me. PLEASE...

In all seriousness though, the lack of backstory kills me because I like to imagine something tragic happened to him in the past for him to have this viewpoint. And to not only have this viewpoint but to be driven enough to make a change in the world... err... rather, just make a new one!

But. Back to the lines after you defeat him and Giratina... what stands out to me here as well is Volo’s admission and acceptance of defeat. Watching it back the first time I was honestly a little caught off guard. He really kinda humbles himself and gives you the last plate, the Spooky Plate, admitting that his journey ended when lost to you. I don’t really focus too much on the other Pokemon villains admittedly so I’m not sure if others did this, but this sequence just stuck out to me because he gives it up after being so aggressive right before this. Like before he was confident, smug, hellbent on doing everything that he could to get you out of his way, you outsider, then when he Giratina ran off he was at first angry, then confused, questioning Arceus about it all, left with burning questions that he can’t bear not knowing the answer to... It’s like this man goes through the five stages in grief all in the span of like... 30 seconds.

Seriously, this man looks tired here. Done. Defeated. He knows it’s over.

He accepts it all, even if it’s just for a moment. ...Then right after that the Azure Flute forms for you and he’s right back to being an angry, petulant brat about it all... But that’s why I love him! He’s morally gray. He fights with himself, he fights with the internal emotional turmoil that he’s feeling about you being the one Arceus wants to see rather than him, about him not being good enough for Arceus to spare him even a second of its time, him thinking that he was doing something that needed to be done, rebuilding a new world free from pain and strife and other horrible things he’s had to experience, that others have no doubt experienced... (at least, this is what I see asfkldfj) And all of that, at least to me, makes him more interesting than the Volo I had first impressions of. Makes him feel more human to me. More than just “oh shoot, he’s the Cynthia ancestor who’s actually the villain instead of Cyllene!” Like... yeah. He made bad choices. He tried to use Giratina to strike you down. He wanted to subjugate Arceus and force it to create a brand new world, erasing the current one. Not a good look. I’m not trying to excuse any of that, and I’m not the best at organizing these thoughts probably, and I will admit that I also saw Volo as the manipulative, conniving guy early on because for me it was such a twist that he was the villain, so that’s what I focused on. And why he was such a great twist villain for me was because of the setup. By that, I mean you already had a well established character in Cynthia right - an all good, helpful, friendly and strong person - then you apply that to Volo and... boom. HE’S NOT THAT?? I was thinking at a certain point it was just going to be Kamado as the big bad because of the events that unfold, which is why with Volo it was EVEN BETTER because you had that sort of fake out I guess (for lack of a better term)? Kamado banishes you from Jubilife, Volo finds you in Obsidian Fieldlands and helps you, takes you to Cogita to help with the lake spirits and the Red Chain and all, you eventually hear that Kamado is going up to the temple to deal with the rift, then after those events Volo gets kinda sus at the Giratina statue riiiiight before you go up to the temple and then when you get up there... JACKET COMES OFF, OUTFIT CHANGE, etc etc. And like... I get why some people just do not like Volo and never will. I respect that. Trust me, I did NOT like Melli during the main game at all, I’ll tell you what. The little bit of background we get on him in the daybreak update was what changed my view on him, though. And for me what changed my general view on Volo were these scenes. I dunno, maybe I’m a broken record at this point, and maybe I’m a little biased now because I adore him, but I now see him as someone who maybe in the beginnings had noble intentions and just ended up going down the wrong path unfortunately.

Like... look. Right after he questions Arceus about what he’s lacking he asks this:

To me, he’s doubting it all now. And like the moments I mentioned above, him questioning the grand ol’ creator what it is he’s lacking, what makes him not good enough, we see a bit of his human side. Scenes like these and scenes like when he gives you the Spooky Plate lead me to think he has a lot of insecurities hidden underneath that confident (and other times cheery and playful) demeanor. Whether it’s a burden, an expectation, his own self-imposed pressures... there’s just a smidge that we can see and so much more that could be possible if he had more story elements focused on him. (WHICH IS WHY I WANT PLA DLC SO BAD I KNOW IT’S WISHFUL THINKING BUT PLEASE) I’d also like to mention that I think it’s very very interesting that his trainer class for his last battle is “Pokemon Wielder” rather than the “Ginkgo Guild Member” class he has for his other battles. I don’t feel like “Pokemon Wielder” is negative in its connotation - rather, I’d like to think that it derives from his bloodline, the Celestica people, and the thought that perhaps they were the first tamers of Pokemon in the land of Hisui. This thought is due to the fact that he’s excited to see another person (you) who uses Pokeballs for their Pokemon (rather than the Diamond and Pearl clans whose leaders and wardens do not use Pokeballs at all - with Ingo being the (other) exception to that rule of course). That coupled with the fact that he looks genuinely disappointed that more people don’t use them (this line here):

And, of course, how can I fail to mention his Pokemon team itself? Look. Really. If you know anything about me lately it is that I ADORE the idea of Volo adoring his Togepi. Which then would evolve into a Togetic through high friendship. And then into a Togekiss through use of Shiny Stone, but you get my point right? Budew into Roselia, Riolu into Lucario... Yes, I know, I know, Volo is Hisuian Cynthia so the team matches for the most part outside of H. Arcanine, and the joke about him gaslighting his Pokemon into evolving is funny on the surface, but in reality I think he genuinely loves his Pokemon. For goodness sake, there’s a photo of him and Togepi outside of the photo booth! And and and the standee that was recently announced as merch?!

LOOK AT HOW HE HOLDS LITTLE TOGEPI. YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS MAN DOESN’T LOVE HIS EGG. LOOK AT HOW HE HOLDS EGG. EGG DAD. ...Sorry. Got a little carried away there. But yes! I think he loves his Pokemon, genuinely. Which is why it kills me when he says this:

Like bro. Your Pokemon were right there in that battle. VOLO PLEASE- (ALSO JUST A QUICK MENTION ABOUT THIS LINE, it also leads me to think that he’s kinda... always been alone for the most part, outside of his Pokemon team maybe 🥺 probably more of a headcanon than anything but that’s just how I feel sdflkjsdlfkj) Alright... I think I’ve said enough at this point and it’s a mess and I’m not too sure I can ever put quite how I feel about Volo into proper words because I’m not the best at this kind of thing but... I just want to say that he’s a character that I have accelerated in love and appreciation for because he’s just... I dunno, he’s got a lot going on. And I think maybe some of that gets missed because of his ties to Cynthia and his betrayal. But I’m reaaaaaally hoping to see him again in the near future. A random house in one of the cities either in the new region or in Unova (if we get B/W remakes) will suffice 🥲 So uh... YEAH. tl;dr I think Volo is a great character with a little more under the surface than just the villain reveal twist at the end of the game and I’m rooting for him all the way. Him and Togepi (Togekiss?). 

Alright. That’s all I got! Byeeeee y’all 👋

#pokemon volo #volo #ginkgo guild volo #sorry i tried my best to make this.... sorta organized #and i did my best to get the sequence right so apologies if i missed anything #i prrrrrobably forgot something #but that's ok! ;w; #anyway yeah this man ruined my marriage my life he toOK EVERYTHING FROM ME #he lives in my head rent free #send help please

[coltrainbat]

Chris or whoever of his characters makes his GF's birthday special because it hasn't been in a long time

Best Birthday Ever

A/N: A couple of things, Firstly, Chris, if you're reading this, this is my dream birthday. Secondly, rewatching glee so shameless plug for what I think is the best cover ever. Thirdly, the dress. OMG. Actually why am I spoiling this, read the story you're going to love it. That's all. TY 💕

The anxiety swirled in your stomach when a glorious bouquet of flowers arrived at your desk. You sighed opening the card already knowing who it was from.

1 day till the big day, get excited. Xo Chris

The big day in question was your birthday. You learnt long ago to not get excited about your birthday. Yeah you’ll get a gift from your mom, a card from your grandma and a bunch of flowers from your bestie and maybe if you’re lucky a few Happy Birthday texts from some friends but ever since your 21st birthday in which only 10 people showed up out of the 30 you invited all feigning excuses of being away, sick or celebrating some distant aunts wedding anniversary you have since tried to avoid making a big deal of the day all together. You found it best to just save yourself the embarrassment. 

Chris, on the other hand, had been buying a gift every day from the 1st of this month leading up to it. Chocolates, flowers, making special dinners, little, small gifts like jewellery, perfume, plants or quirky knick knacks for your desk. In his opinion, one day wasn’t enough for you and you need to celebrate the whole month. 

While you appreciated the gesture and enjoyed the curious enquiry with a subtle envy from the girls in your office about the beautiful bouquet. You really just wanted to snuggle on the couch with Dodger, watching a movie, maybe even get super crazy and crack open a pint of Ben & Jerry’s… birthday cake flavour of course. Besides, all your besties from college were scattered around the world and your family a good 12-hour flight away. 

You arrived home, throwing your keys in the bowl and shrugging off your coat. 

“Honey, that you?” Chris came bounding down the stairs, Dodger in tow. 

“Hey baby… did you get my surprise.” 

“I did thank you they were beautiful.” Closing the space between you, wrapping your arms around his waist. 

“I want to skip my birthday.” You looked up at him, resting your chin on his chest. 

“Oh, come on baby, you’re not that old. Look at me! I found 10 more greys in my beard. 10! That’s 10 more since last week.”

You chuckled rubbing his beard into your hands.

“It’s not about getting old. It’s just the day itself is never that good for me.”

“Well, I’m going to change that.”

“Oh really?” You questioned him.

“Yeah really, tomorrow night we are going out.”

“Argh do I have to? Can’t we just stay in and watch that new Netflix movie.”

“No arguments. Please, you have to trust me on this.”  

“Ok, fine, I trust you.”

You wake up, to the soft singing of Happy Birthday, opening your eyes, there was your gorgeous boyfriend, in nothing but his boxers, holding a singular cupcake and lit candle in his hand in the doorway. You sat up as he walked towards you shielding the flame with his other hand. Dodger jumped on the bed, smothering you with kisses.

“Happy Birthday to you…” Chris finished his serenade.

“Make a wish beautiful.” You blew out the candle

You wished for the best birthday ever. 

He leaned down, grabbing your cheek, pulling you into a long, passionate kiss. 

Placing the cupcake on your bedside table.

“And now for the best part… Birthday sex.” He beamed. You couldn’t contain your giggles as he tackled you back down into the sheets. 

Your workday went by breezy with more cake, more Happy Birthday singing and more jokes about getting older but not wiser, 

That was until you got a string of calls:

The first from your mom saying she was sorry she couldn’t be there, but she’d bring your gift next time she sees you. 

Then from your best friend, who understandably, couldn’t go halfway around the world for a singular day but you should expect a package at your door. 

Then a group call from your college girlfriends who were either working or caught up with the kids but who had all pitched in to get you a voucher to your favourite restaurant and wanted to make sure you had a drink on them.

And finally, texts from your siblings and cousins, with Happy Birthdays and Love you’s but no promises to visit anytime soon. Ya know life is crazy busy etc. 

It was fine. Totally fine. You still had tonight with Chris. This thought didn’t stop you from shedding a few tears on the toilet at work. Why would you even assume that anyone in your life cared that much to travel to see you just for an irrelevant birthday. You were delusional. But after tonight the day was over and you didn’t have to go through this again for another year. 

At least they remembered, I guess. You sighed, wiping your eyes with toilet paper. 

You got home and continued your same routine, keys in bowl, coat on rack. But no Chris and just Dodger sitting at your feet.

“Where’s daddy Dodge?” The pup crocked his head in confusion, letting out a little whine.

Great. Not here. And not even a text. You figured he had a sudden work thing pop up and would be back shortly. 

You went upstairs to your bedroom, hoping to lie down before you had to get ready. When you noticed the large box on your bed with a card on top, addressed to you, naturally, it was your birthday after all and any box with a bow on your birthday is instantly yours.

You opened the letter, immediately noticing Chris’s handwriting. 

  Y/N, 

  Put this on. Car is arriving out the front at 7. Be ready by then. I had to pop out to run errands and will meet you at the restaurant. Love you, Chris. 

You thought it was sweet he got you a car, but you were a little disappointed he couldn’t take you there. Your disappointment quickly disappeared though when you saw the dress in the box. 

You gasped at the sight of the shiny dress with feathers on the hem. Holding it up, you didn’t even want to guess how much it cost, not to mention the matching bag and shoes that came with it in the box.

Excited to put on the opulent garment you jumped in the shower, taking your time getting ready knowing you had 2 hours, you blow dried your hair and used all your best makeup products. Finally, you slipped on the dress.

“OMG it has POCKETS!” You admired yourself in the mirror, repeating the action of slipping your hands in and out.

The tightness of the dress engulfed your curves, showing a decent amount of cleavage and the noticeable bump of your ass.

Chris definitely chose this dress.

You got a text on your phone telling you the car was out front, so you grabbed your bag, gave Dodger a kiss and made your way outside. 

The driver stood outside the black Mercedes. 

‘Happy Birthday ma’am.” He tipped his hat as he opened the passenger door, holding your hand as you scooted in carefully. “Thank you.” You smiled at him.

Champagne. Thank God. You gulped down the glass as you sat in anticipation of what Chris had planned. 

Finally, you arrived at the fancy bistro, making your way inside, the whole place was empty which was unusual for the Michelin star restaurant, on a Friday night none the less.

There he was. Sitting at a table right in the middle of the room. He looked drool worthy in his smart outfit, his khaki shirt slightly unbuttoned revealing his gold chain and a peak of his tattoos.

He finally looked up and caught your eye, jumping from his seat and straightening his tie, holding out his arms for you.

“There she is!”

He pulled your hand and spun you around, getting a full 360 of the dress.

“God, it looks even better on you.”

“I love it so much, thank you it’s the best gift ever” You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“That’s not your surprise but I’m glad you like it.” 

  What else could this man have possibly install for you?

The waiter immediately brought out your starter. You sat and ate, devouring all your favourite foods cooked to perfection, platter by platter. 

Chris looked at his watch 8:32. 

“Shit we are late, come on, get up.” 

“What are you talking about, we haven’t even had dessert yet!”

Chris fumbled with his words “I’ve got something different planned for dessert come on.” He coaxed you out of your seat. You made your way towards the door you came through, Chris pulled on your arm back.

“No, we aren’t going that way, over here.”

Walking towards the back of the restaurant, Chris lead you towards an inconspicuous black exit door. 

“Chris we can’t go through here!”

“You wanna bet?” He said as he opened the door, revealing the best thing you have ever seen.

The door opened to a beautiful courtyard, covered in fairy lights. 

  In it stood:

  Your mom, 

  Your dad, 

  Your siblings,

  Your cousins, 

  Aunties, uncles, grandparents,

  Your whole friendship group from college with their significant others and kids. 

All of you and Chris's mutual friends.

  Heck, even your work friends. 

  And of course, 

  your best friend.

  All in one place, for you. 

“SURPRISE!”  They all shouted at you. 

You almost bowled over in shock but not before your bestie ran up and engulfed you in a hug.

“But you all said… I thought… with the travel… and the cost of plane tickets…and… you-“

“Chris flew us all over here, sorted everything down to accommodation, travel, babysitting, food even drinks!” She beamed, shaking a cocktail in her hand.  

“You did all this?” You turned around to your boyfriend, standing sheepishly, his hands behind his back.

“Yeah, it took a bit of rearranging and months of planning but yeah I did.” He smiled

You practically jumped on him, unable to wrap your legs around his waist due to the dress. He lifted you off the ground, hugging you back.

  “Thank you.” You whispered in his neck. 

  “Nothing’s too much for you babe.”

  “Best. Birthday. Ever. And it’s all thanks to you.”

“There’s one more thing.” He gestured to his right; a choir had formed into positions all dressed in black. 

And then they started to sing. 

Your favourite Glee cover. Sung by a professional choir. No fucking way. Tears started to well in your eyes from joy as you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist. You looked up at the beaming man who leaned close to your ear.

“Told ya to trust me.”

You spent the night, catching up with friends you hadn’t seen in months, drinking from bottles of expensive French champagne, dancing like crazy and telling Chris a billion times over how much you loved him. 

Your birthday extended all the way to 5am in the morning and you wondered how he was going to top this next year… 

#chris evans imagines #chris evans fic #chris evans x reader #chris evans fluff #chris evans imagine #chris evans x y/n #chris evans one shot #chris evans fanfiction #cevans #chris evans x plus size reader #chris evans fandom

[ridiasfangirlings]

I know you have been in this fandom for 10 years long. I must say I'm curious about your thought on this series. What does the series have that makes you stay with it for such a long time? Is there anything you find unsatisfied abt the series? Does this series have any effect on your life?... etc

I know this kind of ask is kinda personal, so you can refuse to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. Anyway, tysm for what you did for the fandom!

Honestly it’s mostly just the neurodivergence :P Well, basically I get really attached to things I like and will stay attached like a limpet until something else comes along to catch my fancy, and nothing’s made me really fall madly in love since K so here I (still) am. There are a lot of things that attracted me to the series in the first place, in order: Fushimi, Fushimi, and also Fushimi. He’s the first thing that attracted me anyway, his character type is just the kind I like a hot mess. I wasn’t really into him much when I first started watching, I’ve mentioned before but I was kinda eh on the series until after S1 ended and I listened to the drama CDs. The Sarumi interview and especially the Private Hero drama really hooked me with just the general complexity of Fushimi’s issues beyond the standard yandere that we saw in the series. I could really go on about how good Private Hero is, giving such a great glimpse into Fushimi’s feelings without outright saying it, and the bitterness that Mamoru Miyano infuses into Fushimi’s tone is fantastic. 

Beyond that I’ve since really gotten attached to just about everyone in the series, one of the things that always appeals to me with fictional characters in general is when a character appears to be a specific stereotype but then has some additional quirk going on. For example, how Fushimi seemed a flat ‘crazy obsessed’ character but really is just a messed up kid at heart, or Munakata seeming like a dignified manipulative megane character but he’s also a sparkly nerd, or Yata being a baseball bat wearing thug who is also a ball of sunshine and cries sometimes. K’s big cast means there’s something for everyone, and even some of the weaknesses in the writing turn into strengths — there’s enough canon there to get attached to but so many little cracks and corners waiting to be filled in by the fans and I love that sort of thing. 

That said there are definitely some things about the series I’m dissatisfied about, like I think I’ve mentioned a few times that I dislike how it feels like the narrative tends to be kinda biased against S4 even when they’re objectively right and in general I feel like S4 gets a lot more shit than Homra that they don’t deserve. I also found ROK in general to be rather underwhelming, Gora put a lot of great pieces in place and then kinda just tossed the board away in the end there (I went on about my feelings around ROK here way back if you want a deeper analysis). When I rewatched the series a couple years ago I was struck by how much better S1 was than I remembered and how much worse ROK was, the pacing issues are really prevalent in ROK and unfortunately I think the series didn’t deliver on its potential as much as it could have. That said it wasn’t bad enough to turn me off the show (which is something that has absolutely happened to me with past series I liked, that something happened near the end which disappointed me so much it kinda killed all my love for the series), it just didn’t change my opinion that the anime is, unfortunately, the weakest part of K and what makes it so hard to recommend, because all the best stuff involves a little more legwork than just watching the easily-streamable show. Also smaller disappointments, I wish they wouldn’t have put LSW in 7 Stories and just given us a proper movie, and I still want that last stage play because it will forever annoy me that ROK stage only got through half the narrative. 

#Talking K #yeah so just the autism basically XD #someday I will move on but I need to love something frst #I've liked new things but nothing made me want to bite #also my life has changed in that I would have more money if I hadn't bought so much merch XD #on the good side I've met so many nice people in this fandom!

[sprites-writing]

Chapter 13: Vigilante Shit

yeah I know its been like a year whatever

okay notes for this chapter:

1) It's no longer Miss Avocet that Freya found when taking Jake back to the present, it's now Miss Dove in case I decide to continue the series I don't have to work around Miss A being dead

2) I wrote this in less than 24 hours don't judge me too harshly

3) welcome to the wdid revival where its been four years since I wrote chapter one and my writing has improved drastically and I will (eventually) rewrite the first 2 chapters of this

4) also Freya is horny af for Enoch for a good portion of this because I was reminded about how fucking fine Finlay MacMillan is while rewatching the movie to write this

anyways Freya POV, 1523 words, enjoy

chapter 1 chapter 12

Between Miss Dove and Jacob, we were all quickly put to work.

Emma, Jacob, Enoch and I were put in charge of collecting tools for the others while they worked on latching the windows and barricading the doors. In the chaos, Abe’s nightly phone call was forgotten about until the familiar ringing filled the parlour.

The three of us glanced between ourselves before I gently eased the hoe from Jacob’s hands. “I think you should answer it tonight,” I murmured. Looking like he was half in shock, he nodded and quickly scurried off.

“Not entirely sure that was the best idea of ours, but yera, it can’t be worse than all the times we snuck out,” I said with a shrug.

Enoch gave a surprised snort, “Frey, I don't think anything can be worse than that.”

With a knowing smile, Emma took her section of the tools and left the sunroom. Enoch and I both hesitated, the makeshift weapons in our arms a glaring reminder that we were running out of time and yet still we stood there, our soft breathing and the racket from the parlour the only sounds.

“I’m proud of you, y’know,” whispered Noch. “Even if the others aren’t, I am. I’ll always be proud of you.”

I inhaled sharply. For some reason, this moment felt like it was crossing some unspoken line of ours, and it was quickly heading into a territory I wasn’t sure I was ready for.

“And because I know that wonderful brain of yours like the back of my hand, I know that you’re overthinking it but you, Freya Róisín Aoibh O’Sullivan, might have just saved us all.” The way he easily pronounced the Gaelic of my middle names sent a wave of hunger crashing through me. Although this was far from a new feeling for me, it took me by surprise every time.

It was like suddenly every single little thing he had done in the last sixty-five years slammed into me like a train. From the quirk of his lips to the gentle slide of his hand across my lower back to when his shirt was soaking after our weekly swims to the feeling of his fingers tangling in my hair while he slept, it all added up to me pretending like there wasn’t an ache in me that I didn’t think anyone else but Enoch could fix.

He smiled at me like there wasn’t anything different even though he had just added fuel to the fire inside me that he had lit a long, long time ago. As he walked away I stood there, trying desperately to shove the desire threatening to consume me down, down, down to where I could pretend it wasn’t there.

It wasn’t like I was some sort of blushing virgin. I was raised by my older sister for fuck’s sake. With no parents there to beat the fear of God into us for lusting, Máire had a habit of going after the boys around town and, more often than not, they’d end up in her bed. After enough times of Siobhan and I walking in on her, we learned to avoid our small house during the afternoons, instead playing with the other kids nearby. And, although it wasn’t allowed by Miss P, Victor and I found more than enough time to sneak away for an hour or so. Even if it benefited him far more than it benefitted me.

I sighed and resigned myself to the low heat pooling in my gut despite the horrible situation we found ourselves in. Returning to the parlour, I quickly started passing out the tools, trying to not let the way my friends, my family, were flinching as they took the tools, bother me.

Before long we were all standing against a wall, Miss Dove in front of us holding Miss P’s crossbow. “Now children,” she began.

I glanced at Enoch from where I stood beside him, wordlessly asking him if he was alright. I knew this would be killing him inside right now, remembering what happened in his loop in London. He squeezed my hand gently.

I’m alright.

I gave him a reassuring look and turned back to Miss Dove.

“Now that you’re all here, there’s a few rules. Your primary job is to stay safe. Leave the Hollow to me, I don’t want to see any heroics. Now, those of you with garden tools, I must insist that you—” Miss Dove was cut off abruptly as the Hollow pulled her through the window.

A mixture of gasps and shrieks left us as the danger we were in truly hit us. Jacob lunged towards the crossbow she had dropped and quickly aimed it at the window.

I frantically scanned the room, looking for some kind of sign as to where it was only to find nothing. The boards that were left from Miss D rattled as it entered the house, sections falling back into the garden.

As Jacob stood up, Enoch ran from where he was, throwing himself between Jacob and the Hollow.

“What are you doing Enoch?” I yelled. He glanced over his shoulder at me and his moment of distraction let the Hollow grab him.

Never in my life did I feel the terror that went through me as it picked him up. Not when Máire died, not when I killed Millie, not when Miss Gannett found me. The shadows from its tongues were the only thing that let me see what it was doing while he struggled.

I ran towards him, calculating where the Hollow was as I moved. I reached where I thought a leg was, my palm smacking the floor with a force I was only aware of because of the sound. It slammed Enoch into a window, shards of stained glass cutting my skin, desperation stopping me from feeling the pain.

I tried again, my hand aching from missing again as Jacob urged the others to get to the attic. For the third time I lunged, this time half a foot to the left and felt my hand grasp cold, scaly flesh. I squeezed, the Hollow’s tongues dropping Enoch as it died.

Completely forgetting that Jacob was still in the room, I rushed to my best friend. The moment he had stood up, I cupped his face in my hands.

“Are you alright?” He nodded.

I threw my arms around his neck, forcing him to take a few steps back as he adjusted. “Don’t do that to me again.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he said, burying his head in my neck.

We stayed there for a moment, just breathing each other in, until Jacob cleared his throat. With one hand, I flipped him off as Noch gently put me down.

The moment my feet hit the ground, the remainders of the window crumbled. Confused, I looked to Jacob only for him to be staring wide-eyed at the hole in the wall. “Run,” he whispered.

As we rushed to the stairs, the doors to the parlour were ripped off of their hinges, the second Hollow following us to the attic.

Once we were upstairs, Jacob quickly started to figure out a way for us to escape. “Okay. All right, um…” he looked around the small attic, twelve peculiar children watching him.

“Shit! It’s almost reset!” He opened the window, the familiar flashes of the bombs flaring outside. “Fiona, is there anything you can do with that tree?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding.

“Be careful, Fi,” begged Hugh.

Fiona slid out the window and down the slick, steep surface of the roof, landing on the gutter.

Once Jacob said that we were escaping through the windows, I turned to Claire, motioning to pick her up. She leaned away from me. “Claire Bear, I know you’re scared about my peculiarity but we don’t have time. The Hollow will get through at any moment and we need to get you out the window now.”

She hesitantly let me pick her up and hold her as we slid down the roof, the shingles scraping the shit out of my legs as I focused on not balancing wrong and sending both Claire and I to our deaths. Once we were down, I sent her over to where Jacob and Emma stood helping the younger peculiars to the tree branch Fiona had grown.

I turned back to where Enoch was holding onto the windowsill with one hand, helping Horace out the window. When he landed beside me, I yelled over the rain for him to “Go, go!”

“Enoch, come on!”

As he fell down the roof, I grabbed his arm to keep him from falling. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy!” he said. I rolled my eyes at him and started climbing over to the rest of the wards right when the Hollow burst threw the doors.

As carefully as possible, we followed the others down the branch, Emma and Jacob staying at the back to guide the little ones.

Before they even got to touch the ground, the bomb hit the house and we watched as the loop closed.

Pronunciation notes for her middle names and her sisters' names:

Róisín Aoibh: Ro-SHEEN Eve

Máire: Mor-uh

Siobhan: Shi-VON

yeah I'm well aware that that one line about the others flinching away from Freya when she gave them the tools is awkward but I can't be assed to fix it

chapter 14

#wdid revival #wdid #what do i do (when i love you so) #mphfpc #miss peregrines home for peculiar children #bronwyn bruntley #enoch o'connor #enoch o'connor x original character #fiona frauenfeld #horace somnusson #jacob portman #olive abroholos elephanta #emma bloom #millard nullings #claire densmore #hugh apiston #alma lefay peregrine #victor bruntley #original character #fanfiction #ao3 fanfiction #fic #my writing

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Hello, random ask, why do you think that a pretty character with bad personality is famous in the fandom (epsecially anime/manga)? Yes, one of them (that I mean) is Gojo Satoru from JJK. Do you watch or read the series?

So 4 months ago, I'm not into the fandom, but my friend made me watch it with them, so I binge watch s1, the movie, then s2, and now I'm one of Gojo fan and SatoSugu shipper (even if I'm late)... Sorry for the rambling, feel free to just ignore my silly ask.

I'm also into Merlin BBC kinda late, just in 2022, when I first watch it. At first I thought it will be hard to find Merlin fan blog (because the show ends in 2012 or 2013), how wrong I was. Thanks to you @that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction I can be more understanding of their characters, especially Merlin and Arthur's dynamics. Thanks for sharing your posts.....

So I haven’t seen much of jjk, I watched the first few episodes while I was very medicated in hospital last year (I’m okay) so I don’t remember much of it. I need to rewatch it at some point, from what o do remember it was pretty good.

As for the character archetype, I’m honestly not sure. Usually the characters tend to have more than just the bad personally, think Denki in MHA and Mineta, Mineta is just there for the “comedy” of being a perv where Denki doesn’t take it too far, backs off when told (when he asked Uraraka out and accepted her rejection) and has more than just that to his character, and Gojo was a mentor or something, wasn’t he? I can’t remember enough to comment on him.

But anyway, that’s not always the case, I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head while I’m on Merlin brainrot but I know there are some. SAO, SOTE and possibly Beastars (I’ve only heard from friends on that one) probably have some interesting characters that have varying levels of morality and reasons. Other times, they’ve got a tragic backstory that people can relate to, MHA villains or harlequin, also assassination classroom characters for example.

Personally, I’ll overlook a bad character aspect if it’s only like 10-20% of the personality, any more than that and I can’t get myself to like them, but that’s just me and it’s different for everyone based on their own opinions and a bunch of other things. I don’t pretend to understand people, I really don’t.

My thing with character analysis is that in media, I can see all aspects of the character. I can go back and analyse parts and sit watching situations for as long as I need to work out whatever I want to work out. In real life, or when it comes to real people rather, I’m lucky to get anything about a person from the types of interactions you get in fandom spaces so I can’t really speak for other peoples opinions on characters or why they have them.

I’ve seen people who feel the same about Morgause and Morgana despite them having entirely different personalities and reasons for their varying levels of dubious morality, I’ve seen people heavily stan Meliodas from seven deadly sins and say he’s “just flirting” while others will not like that part of his personality but like him overall.

Mostly, I’ll just live and let live. As long as discussions aren’t hostile and everything is kept respectful, different opinions than my own are what keep fandom spaces (and conversations in general) interesting so I’m always interested to hear what people think.

And as for coming into Merlin late, welcome, happy to have you here. I only started watching 2020, rewatched a few (understatement of the decade) times since, and joined the fandom mid to late last year but the fandom is still going strong. It’s definitely one of my favourite fandoms, so I’m glad it’s growing.

#ask me anything #bbc merlin #jjk #seraph of the end #assassination classroom #sword art online #morgana #seven deadly sins #i’m bad at tagging #mha denki #my hero acedamia #long post #ramblings #mha villains #arthur pendragon #merlin #I’m sure I’m forgetting a few tags here but I’m tired so it’s fine

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Script below the break

Welcome to the Rewatch Rewind, the podcast in which I talk about the movies I watched the most times from 2003 through 2022! It’s the first official episode! If you haven’t listened to my introduction, maybe go back and do that if you want to know more details about exactly what I’m doing. In this episode I’m going to talk about my 40th most rewatched movie, which is the 1964 Disney musical, Mary Poppins, directed by Robert Stevenson, written by Bill Walsh and Don DaGradi, based on books by P.L. Travers, and starring Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke.

I feel like this movie is so well known that I probably don’t need to tell you what it’s about, but hey, no judgment if you haven’t seen it. I’ve seen over 1,800 different movies in the last 20 years, and I still haven’t seen a single Star Wars film, so I’m in no position to assume that popularity means universal familiarity. (Sorry if you were hoping to hear about Star Wars movies in this podcast.) For those who haven’t seen it, or saw it so long ago you don’t remember: Mary Poppins is the story of the Banks family, who live in London in 1910. The father, George Banks, played by David Tomlinson, appropriately works at a bank, and is far more interested in his work than his family. His wife Winnifred, played by Glynis Johns, is focused only on campaigning for women’s suffrage. Their children, Jane and Michael – Karen Dotrice and Matthew Garber – therefore feel rather neglected. When their nanny quits, she is replaced by the magical but firm Mary Poppins, played by Julie Andrews in her feature film debut. She takes the children on several fun adventures, often with her friend, jack-of-all-trades Bert, played by Dick Van Dyke, while also helping the entire Banks family learn some lessons about what really matters in life.

I don’t remember when I first saw this movie, or how many times I’d seen it before I started keeping track in 2003. I do know that I watched it 14 times in the last 20 years: once in 2003, once in 2004, three times in 2005, twice in 2008, twice in 2012, twice in 2015, once in 2016, once in 2020, and once in 2022. It’s one of ten movies that I watched 14 times, but the only one I will be talking about on this podcast, since I watched 39 movies at least 15 times. Mary Poppins made the list above the other nine because it was the longest, so I spent more time watching it than the others. At two hours and 19 minutes, it is quite long for a movie geared toward children, but I appreciate that it takes its time. Though there’s an overarching story, it’s apparent that this was adapted from a series of vignettes, and each little adventure is given the time it needs to make an impact. That being said, if the movie wasn’t this long, I probably would have watched it more often. There have been several instances when I’ve thought about watching it but decided to go with something shorter instead.

So why have I watched this movie so many times? Well, for one thing, the music slaps. It is truly the Sherman Brothers’ magnum opus. Every song is either a bop or a tearjerker. If I’d been tracking the albums I’ve listened to most in the last 20 years, the Mary Poppins soundtrack might be number one. While I still listen to it not infrequently, the period of time when I listened to it the most was in 9th grade – which would have been 2004-2005 – when pretty much every day after school, I would come home, grab a snack, get out my homework, and turn on the Mary Poppins CD. Needless to say, I was not exactly one of the popular kids, but I also didn’t really care – I liked what I liked. And I found the Mary Poppins music at once soothing and exciting. Also, the CD included a bonus track with the Sherman Brothers talking about how some of the songs came to be, which I found fascinating, even the hundredth time I listened to it. A kid gets a polio vaccine in a lump of sugar – his dad and uncle write a catchy song about it – and over 40 years later a teenager listens to both the song and the composers talking about it over geometry homework. It made me feel both insignificant and important, alone and yet part of something, and that’s one of my favorite things about movies and stories in general, and I remember really starting to understand this during that period of my youth.

If I recall correctly, my devotion to the Mary Poppins soundtrack led to me receiving the 40th anniversary DVD for Christmas of 2004, which would explain why I watched it three times in 2005. And if one bonus track from the Sherman Brothers was exciting to me, a two-disc special edition DVD was paradise. And the best part was the audio commentary. I didn’t track how many of my Mary Poppins views were with the commentary turned on, but I would guess around half? Good audio commentary is one of my favorite things, and several of the movies in my top 40 got there partly because of how much their commentary delights me. Mary Poppins is definitely one of those. If you’ve never watched a movie with the commentary track, I highly recommend trying it for some of your favorite movies, although I don’t know if very many filmmakers are recording them anymore since physical media has gone out of fashion. I don’t even know if most people have DVD players to be able to watch them anymore. But luckily for me, 2004 was the height of DVD special features popularity, and that’s when Disney decided to celebrate the 40th anniversary of this beloved masterpiece by giving us the gift of this amazing commentary. Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke are together, and Richard Sherman, one of the composers, and Karen Dotrice, who played Jane, are also together in a different place (or maybe it was the same place at a different time, I’m not sure). The commentary switches between those two pairs of people, with the occasional recording from someone else added in here and there. One of the advantages of the long runtime is everybody gets a chance to talk quite a bit. Since they’re recording it four decades after they made the movie, they don’t always remember all the details of what they’re talking about, but what they do remember is utterly delightful. Karen Dotrice’s perspective is particularly interesting, looking back on what it was like to make this movie as a child when she didn’t really know what was going on. She reveals that she didn’t realize Dick Van Dyke was playing the old man at the bank when she was acting with him; she saw the name reveal in the credits in the theater with everyone else. And Richard Sherman has lots to say about the music that wasn’t covered on the bonus CD track I’d listened to over and over, and Dick and Julie have lots of fun stories to contribute. But truly, truly the best part of the commentary is the fact that Julie’s first husband, Tony Walton, to whom she was married when the movie was made, was in the Mary Poppins art and costume departments, and apparently had a particular shade of bright red that he liked to use, so every. time. we see red on the screen, Julie has to mention “Tony Walton red” and it brings me so much joy and amusement that I have to mention it every time I talk about this movie.

But back to the movie itself, I do love experiencing it even without the commentary. The story is gentle and powerful and really sparks the imagination, the characters are unique and fun to watch, and again, THE MUSIC! I don’t even know if I could pick a number 1 favorite song. A Spoonful of Sugar, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and Step in Time stand out, they’re all so fun and catchy. Sister Suffragette has some great lyrics – “though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they’re rather stupid”: perfect – and Glynis Johns sings it with such conviction! And even though I definitely thought it was boring as a child, Feed the Birds has really grown on me. It perfectly illustrates the recurring theme throughout Mary Poppins that small things can make a big difference, which is a message I find very encouraging. This movie is all about how it doesn’t take much – tuppence, a spoonful of sugar, a word, a kite – to make a difference in someone else’s life, and I think that’s an important message. Not as an excuse to do as little as possible, but rather as a reason to do anything at all. It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed by all the problems in the world, so much so that it sometimes feels pointless to try anything because I can’t do everything, and at that point it’s helpful to remember that actions don’t have to be major to be worthwhile. This may sound trite, but the way this movie presents it feels so genuine and beautiful, at least to me, and I love the way rewatching it reminds me of this message.

I also think a not-insignificant reason that Mary Poppins has resonated with me is that there really is no romantic love story, apart from the married couple learning to appreciate each other a little better, which is quite minor in the grand scheme of the movie. Imagine – a story with an iconic female and male lead who are just friends! I’m sure some people out there assume that Mary and Bert are romantically involved, but the movie itself specifically states otherwise. According to the commentary, the verse of Jolly Holiday that Mary sings to Bert about how he’s such a gentleman and never presses his advantage with a lady and whatnot was added at the suggestion of PL Travers. Apparently the author of the book insisted that the film make it clear that Mary and Bert were not “an item.” Now, the way they talk about it in the commentary implies a bit of exasperation, and Travers was notoriously difficult to work with – I mean, there’s a whole movie, Saving Mr. Banks, that…sort of tells that story, although that movie is way more sympathetic toward Travers than the Mary Poppins special features, but I digress. Clearly not all of PL Travers’s demands were met because she didn’t want any red in the picture and Tony Walton could not be stopped. But with regards to Mary and Bert’s relationship I think she was right. A romance between them would have detracted from the story about the Banks family. Also there are way too few purely platonic male/female friendships portrayed on film, and this is such a nice one, and it’s written and acted so believably. They enjoy each other’s company, they sing and dance and have adventures together, and they seem perfectly content with the state of their relationship. So often friendship as portrayed as “less than” romance – people say “just friends” as if it’s something to settle for – but friendship can be just as beautiful and deep and powerful as romance, and it's so lovely to see that here. Watching Mary Poppins as a young person, well before I understood that I was aromantic or asexual, it still made me so happy to see these two adults in the middle of such a sweet relationship that was clearly standing the test of time, since it’s implied that they knew each other long before the events of the film, but didn’t have anything to do with sex or romance. Not that I don’t also enjoy stories that feature those kinds of relationships, too, but I think it’s so telling that I gravitated so strongly to Mary Poppins when I was 14. At an age when most people are expected to experience serious crushes and start at least thinking about dating, all I wanted was a friendship that involved dancing with animals, singing nonsense words, and perhaps some magical cleaning.

Obviously, Mary Poppins has wide appeal to an audience far beyond aroace teenagers in the early 2000s. It was the highest grossing film of 1964, and the highest-grossing Disney film ever at the time, and its popularity with audiences was still high enough to warrant a sequel in 2018. It also received near-universal critical acclaim, and was nominated for 13 Oscars, winning five. As I mentioned earlier, Poppins was Julie’s feature film debut, although she had appeared on Broadway and on television prior to this. As most fans of musicals know, Julie Andrews originated the role of Eliza Dolittle in My Fair Lady but was replaced by established film star Audrey Hepburn in the screen adaptation, which was also released in 1964. My Fair Lady got the Best Picture Oscar, but Julie won Best Actress for Poppins, so one of my views in 2015 was part of my watching-through-Best Actress-winners project. I ranked the Best Actress winning performances at the time and put this one at number 12, which I’m sure is higher than most people would put it but I never said I was unbiased. Although I do stand by my ranking: it’s a great, delightful, iconic performance. The other Oscars Poppins won were for editing, special effects, score, and original song for Chim Chim Cher-ee. The visual effects truly were groundbreaking – audio-animatronics were in their infancy, and the bird in the Spoonful of Sugar scene was one of the first of its kind. I’m also very glad the music won two awards, although I’m not sure I’d pick Chim Chim Cher-ee as the best song, but it’s still great.

Andrews also won a Golden Globe, and in her acceptance speech thanked Jack Warner, the producer of the My Fair Lady film, which is just, practically perfect in every way. While I do love My Fair Lady – I’ve watched it 11 times since I started keeping track – and would have loved to see Julie Andrews in it, I feel like it must have been more interesting to get to make Mary Poppins instead. My Fair Lady is basically just the stage musical on screen, whereas Mary Poppins is full of movie magic and originality. I don’t think Andrews has any regrets about the way things turned out here.

Which leads me to another reason I love this movie, which is that Julie Andrews is one of my faves. She’s one of four actors to appear in at least 4 of my top 40 most-watched films, and the only one of those whom I have met – also the only one who is still alive, so the only one I will ever meet. She writes children’s books with her daughter, and in 2012, when I was in college, she was on tour promoting The Very Fairy Princess: Here Comes the Flower Girl and did a book signing at my university bookstore. I was absolutely starstruck and had no idea what to say to her. She complimented the t-shirt I was wearing and I think I said something completely incoherent in reply, and then she started to sign my book and said, “So how are you?” and I stammered, “I’m…amazing” by which I meant I was amazed to be standing in her presence, but she immediately and sincerely responded with, “Yes, you are” and I have never recovered.

That must have been at least part of the reason I watched this movie twice in that year, after not having watched it for four years. I don’t watch it nearly as frequently as I used to anymore, but I still revisit it when I’m looking for magic or motivation to clean my room, or just, nostalgia. High school was a really rough time for me, but Mary Poppins, both the movie and the soundtrack, really helped me keep my head afloat when I felt like I was drowning, so it will always be special to me for that reason, in addition to just being a nice, well-told story that I enjoy.

So there you have it: my 40th most-watched movie in the last 20 years. Thank you for listening, remember to like, follow, subscribe, rate, comment, do all the things if you want to keep listening. Following this will be a six-way tie of the movies I watched 15 times, from shortest to longest. I’ll leave you with a quote from my next movie: “Why do we even HAVE that lever?”

#rewatch rewind #mary poppins

[fiireside]

When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love.

i was tagged by @tightredpants and @elorianna !!! this was actually v fun to do and i loved reading everyone else’s and hearing what you guys think of your own writing :) so interesting and adds a whole new layer to my appreciation of your works 

1: time in a bottle

the story of Alex and Miles’ relationship, told through the myriad of ways to say “I love you” without using such words

my big bang fic! i spent SO long working on this one, coming up w how to use each of the 100 ways to say i love you (though i only used like 30 of them cos all 100 would’ve been insane), planning out how to line the ideas up w their lives, writing and rewriting every scene... i think i rewrote each at least once, most of them more than that, lol. i reread this fic the other night after not having read it in a WHILE and it actually held up for me. i love how it all came together, how full circle the first and last vignettes are, the way you see their relationship develop thru the little snippets over time. it’s my longest fic too which i treat as an accomplishment cos i usually don’t have the stamina to finish a longer idea.

2: you’re my top 100 shows

in a better, happier universe, Miles goes home to Alex after all his shows, and this is probably (hopefully) what happens

UGH i love this one. if time in a bottle hadn’t been a product of so much hard work this would be my favorite of all my fics. it came to me so naturally, i’m not even kidding when i say the entire fic was inspired by one comment a friend of mine at the time made. she was talking about miles’ look and vibe during the coup de grace tour and how the fluffy hair and makeup and everything makes him look very ‘ruffled and soft’ and ‘buzzed and content’ ... no joke those words inspired the whole fic. and they’re of course in there :) i could just see the whole story in my head and i wrote it in one sitting like a maniac. i also just love alex being fully obsessed w miles and miles treating alex like he’s made of glass. hehe. plus i’m weak for middle of the night sleepy sex. so yeah. definitely one of my fav fics of mine.

3: a wonderful week

“It’s been a wonderful week, hasn’t it, Miles?”

my first fic!!! this was so fun to write, i wasn’t even writing it at first with the intention of posting it, i just rewatched that interview and the look on alex’s fucking face when he says it, knowing how all their shows during that wonderful week had gone... ugh. they’re so gay the fic just wrote itself basically

4: never get tired of dancing (with you)

Miles and Alex are both going back on tour this year, and it makes Alex a bit nervous.

this is my most recent fic after not having written in literally years and i’m honestly very pleased with how it turned out. it’s been a hot minute since i’ve written anything and my life has been insane since january but i finally sat down and properly listened to miles’ new album and it just opened the floodgates. i had a vague idea from a while ago for a fic where alex is having a bad day and miles comforts him and i started trying to flesh out that idea but it turned into this fic somehow. i rly enjoy writing alex’s overthinking and miles helping him through it by simplifying the issue alex has made so complex in his head cos it’s what i imagine their dynamic to be irl and i feel like demonstrates why they are so good for each other. they’re v different people but they complement each other so beautifully and clearly would go to the ends of the earth for the other and it just warmed my heart to make a little world for them again ❤️

5: saturn’s return

saturn’s return is when the planet saturn comes back to meet your natal saturn in your late 20s and early 30s. it is a wake-up call, and this is why so many fear it’s sobering realities. if you’ve spent your twenties in a fog, coasting on your youthful charm, it becomes obvious that your foundation is too flimsy for the long haul. sometimes we make life choices before we really know who we are. at saturn’s return, some of these choices are revealed to be out of sync with our true destiny.

ah yes. saturn’s return. this one is very special to me even tho i rarely reread it since it makes me cringe for some reason. i had such a cathartic time writing it, like i wrote the whole thing in a day or two and posted it kind of hastily cos barely a day later i decided it actually wasn’t finished and went and wrote like 8k more words and had to repost it lmao. but i am proud of it, it was a cool concept to build a story around and it also was super validating how well it was received and all the comments i got definitely motivated me to keep writing and made me feel like a part of the little milex bubble on here with you all :)

so yeah :) most of the fic writers i would tag have already done this so i tag whoever wants to do it and specifically my love @yellowloid 🥰

#milex #milex fanfiction

[bedlamsbard]

1K written today...finally, good gods.  (Sorry, the semester started and I’m busy this semester!)  Feeling slightly unhinged in general today -- school/work stuff, but I baked a bundt cake (that I haven’t tried yet) and finished rewatching GotG and did not go on an unhinged rant about [thing I don’t like], though that’s partially because I should do a rewatch first so I can make sure my unhinged ranting is actually accurate.  Also I just realized I completely blanked on a shop drop today, sigh.  (Indie potter who does pretty mugs ‘n’ stuff.)

Snippet from The Horizon Line chapter 14.  Normally at this point I’d hesitate on snippeting for spoiler reasons, but...eh.

“Natalia,” said Madame, her stiletto heels a gunfire rat-tat-tat on the floor as she came down the corridor, as calmly as if there wasn’t a battle raging through the tower. “It’s been a long time.”

To Natasha’s panicked eyes, she looked as though she had barely aged at all since the last time Natasha had seen her, a little more than a decade ago – a tall, slim woman with her pale hair drawn into a bun at the back of her neck.  Even her perfume was the same; only the faint tracery of fine lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth suggested the passage of time. Natasha flinched despite herself, part of her still the little girl over whom this woman had held the power of life and death.

“No,” she whispered. “No, you don’t get him.  You don’t get to have him.”

She was crying, helpless and frightened, aware of it only when she felt the tears drip off her chin as the Hulk-Widow shoved her to her knees.

“Is this love, Natalia?” Madame said.  “I thought I taught you better than that.”  She knelt briefly next to Steve and touched her perfectly manicured fingers to his throat, testing his pulse, and then smiled a little at what she found. “Love is for children.”

#daily fic snippet #roleswap endgame au concept

[nanayuz]

i kinda love jn102 .

jn102 is the episode where goh does one of his many trial missions, specifically where he and other project mew challengers have a raid battle against articuno.

the appearance of articuno completes the list which means all legendary birds have shown up in journeys, and we get to see gary and tokio again. i will not be calling him horace, u can’t make me. i’ve said his dub name enough times today.

but, tbh, i hated this ep when i first watched it.

the battle seemed rushed in a way, and i didn’t really understand what was going on. i loved to see the return of tokio and ash finally getting to meet him, and i absolutely love gary, but this episode didn’t do it for me.

so, i rewatched it. like, 5 times. and my god, did it get better.

so much stuff happened in the battle, and it was truly interesting to watch when my attention span actually decided to last over 4 seconds long. but, that wasn’t even the best part of the episode, the battle.

after the battle is over, and everybody is leaving the island, tokio tells goh that he did just fine, even though he got less tokens than both him and gary. in the battle, goh seemed to take over a lot, and make uncalculated decisions, but tokio reassured him, and told him he’d have more chances and did amazing in this chance as well.

but gary turns around, instantly disagreeing. and honestly, it’s the best part of the ep. (dub ver, cuz i was listening to it while writing this.)

GA - "sometimes, kindness is what holds someone back. you forgive their mistakes and encourage their impossible dreams, while raising their hopes, you bring the worst possible outcome." 

GO - "what does that mean?" 

GA - "i joined you, because this time, the mission was a raid battle. but since we're still challengers, you're not my friend." 

AS - "come on, what's the matter with a couple of friends helping each other?"

GA - "you're as clueless as ever." 

AS - "huh?" 

GA - “i think quillon's attitude is the right one. the truth is, you'll never find mew without discipline. you're starting to think the same thing, right, goh? aren't you?" 

GO - ". . that's the first time you've talked to me like an equal." 

GA - "hm." 

GO - "take on a challenge, and then learn from it. yeah, gary, i see the way you think." 

GA - "and that's the first time you've talked to me like that. i look forward to seeing you again, later."

i didn’t think much of this scene when i first watch this episode, but god, did i think of it every other time. it’s the first time shigegou talk to each other as equals and not rivals, and rlly prepares for what eventually happens 11 episodes later, the first time they work as a team.

cause since jn068 when goh met gary, he was absolutely annoyed at everything he ever did, and wouldn't listen to him just for the sake of not listening to him. even earlier in this episode, that showed. he didn’t listen when he needed to, because he didn’t want gary to be right.

but now that they finished the raid battle, and goh matured quite a bit and learned a lot abt teamwork, he sees why gary acts the way he does, especially towards him. he wants goh to improve, just like he wanted ash to improve back in os.

i haven't watched most of os but ik there's a clip from ep270, where gary gives ash his half of the poké ball he got so long ago, and talks abt how their league battle went and how his way of mind changed. and how back in their fishing battle when they ‘tied’, gary took it as a loss. but now he’s matured, he knows that in this battle ash won fair and square. 

but, even if it wasn't showed in that clip, gary helped ash improve a lot, and it showed that gary wanted ash to improve even if he didn't always say what he meant. 

this then happened in jn068 again, when gary was teasing goh the entire episode. but gary's clearly grown mentally even more since his last appearance, and thats why he seems to clearly want goh to improve. but instead, he tends to use his wisdom and the lessons he's learned, even if he still seems like some rude brat sometimes.

every time gary’s appeared in journeys, up to this point, he seems to have annoyed goh by just being there. at the end of jn068, goh learns that gary just acts like he does, never meaning what he shows on the outside.

but instead of just taking it, like he’s seen to do, it feels like he just . . couldn’t trust him. not enough, not yet. of course he couldn’t, they barely talked and their first meeting was absolutely awful for him. but in jn102, he seems to have finally earned goh’s trust, and they now accept each other as equals.

yeah, that’s it. i’ll be rewatching this episode for the rest of time, tyvm. i love shigegou.

#i wrote this as a bunch of discord texts to my non pokemon-liking friend when she was offline #but i needed to expand on it #i needed to post yk #shigegou #shigesato #shigesatogou #shigegou's dynamic in jn113 is also amazing btw #i love them so much

[aramis-dagaz]

So I finally, FINALLY finished watching Avatar: the Last Airbender for the first time yesterday.

At this point, much has already been said about how amazing the series is, and I fully agree.  If you haven't seen it, it has my strongest recommendation.  If you already have, why not give it a rewatch?

For me, though, reaching this point has been a bit of a journey.  The series first came out in 2005, when I was in college.  I knew of the series at the time, but I wasn't big on watching TV or keeping up with series, instead preferring to watch DVD sets at my leisure (this was before streaming services were a common thing and Netflix was more known for being a video rental by mail service).  I was also a bit put off by the animation style, as I was really into anime at the time and didn't like "anime-influenced" American animation, especially since ATLA seemed a touch stiff at times.  As a result, I passed on this series as it came out.

Since then, the series has been rightly praised for being an amazing and gripping story, and while that caught my interest, I never got around to watching it.  It wasn't until a couple of years ago, shortly before the pandemic hit, when one of my friends loaned me his ATLA DVD collection.  I started watching, and I was immediately hooked.  This is a good series to bingewatch, as each episode leaves you wanting more.  In short order, I watched the first two seasons.  The end of the second season, however, was pretty heavy, so I wanted to take a break from it.  It wasn't until this past week I finally got around to picking it back up and finishing the third season.

Watching a series this popular after it ended, oh geeze, 15 years ago, I was in an interesting position where I'm simultaneously watching a show that I had never seen before yet knew quite a bit about.  I already knew how the series ends and how Aang defeats Fire Lord Ozai, but honestly, that doesn't detract from it.  With ATLA, it's the journey, not the destination.  You spend 61 episodes getting to know these characters, watching them learn, grow, be silly, suffer, fail, and bounce back.  Knowing how Aang defeats the Fire Lord is one thing, watching how he gets to that point and why it’s significant to him as a character is something else entirely.  A lot of love and fun when into making this series, and it shows, and that's one of the reasons why it's worth watching.

It was also fun to see the origin of all those ATLA memes from the late 00s and 2010s ("everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked", "water tribe~!", "Looks like its time for another...therapy session", "there is no war in Ba Sing Se", “that’s rough, buddy”, wriggly-fingered Aang saying "THIS!", flailing Sokka, and so on).  Every time I saw one of those scenes I had a "that's where it came from!" moment.  I always enjoy seeing where pop culture references come from.

In a way, this show is strangely nostalgic for me, even though I didn't sit down to enjoy it until recently.  I think it's because it came out during a much simpler time for me, when I have a lot of fond memories of enjoying a lot of other shows and games, and as a result I ended up reminiscing about those times a lot as well.  And even if I didn't watch it back then, I absorbed a lot through cultural osmosis, so I was kinda revisiting all that, too.

Ultimately, though, I think one thing that I enjoyed most about ATLA is that it has a definitive story with a decisive and satisfying ending.  As I said earlier, this show is a journey, and even the filler episodes contributed to my overall enjoyment of it.  Seeing all these plot elements and supporting characters add to the story and then come together for a thrilling finale and an epilogue that ends on a high note, that's something I don't see very often, and it's always amazing when I do.

Also, ATLA benefits from having an episode near the end where the entire series is recapped via a play while the main characters watch it.  Reboot did that as well, and I think more shows with long, epic stories should do that.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #ATLA

[youredoingkinwrong]

Hey! Nice to see you active again. Something you posted in one of your other answers had me wondering. I loved the animated Star Wars series "Rebels" especially the mystical side of the Force as revealed later in the series. My wondering was about that aspect of their universe and if you have experienced any of it, or in a way different from what was depicted. Those episodes were often my favorites and fascinating to me because I love mysticism. It often adds a wonderful kind of mystery to any story, and a kind which doesn't really have to be explained to be accepted.

You can reply whenever you like. I'm sure I'll see it. Take care.

Hello hello! It’s very nice to be back (and to see you again)!

It’s funny, it’s been years and years since I first watched Rebels. I actually never watched the last season, which I am hoping to rectify soon! But I do think I remember what you’re talking about - the Bendu, and that kind of strange manifestation of the Force. 

When I first watched the show, I remember just kind of immediately disliking the Bendu I can’t remember why for the life of me, but I assume I’ll find out soon enough once I actually get there in my rewatch. 

... I actually just searched up “Bendu” on my main blog and found about thirteen different posts complaining about him and detailing why I didn’t like him, and really kind of refreshed my memory omg. And it’s not because I dislike the mystical aspects of the Force! In the Clone Wars animated series, one of my favorite arcs is the Mortis arc which is frankly even more weird! I love the stranger and more complicated stories about the Force, because they make me think harder than the rest - it’s always a mix of “Was that real?” and “That seems like total bull.” and “Oh son of a bitch everything’s real” 

But I’m incapable of being succinct when it comes to talking about the more mystical, difficult to believe aspects of the Force - so if you’ll bear with me, I’d like to put the rest of this under a cut for everyone’s sake.

My original gripe with the Bendu was the fact that, at least from my memory, it was straight-up not possible to “mix” the light side and the dark. It was possible to use them both at the same time, once, a long long time ago (and in the sequel trilogy they do exactly that, since the healing technique used in the Rise of Skywalker is technically a dark-side move), but it just wasn’t something you actually mixed together. It frustrated me because the narrative at the time felt very much like it was saying “this is the true correct way to use the Force, the Sith and the Jedi are too blind to see that” which... well! Perhaps I am just still a little bit upset that tens of thousands of Jedi were murdered by the Sith, and I dislike the near-implication that if they just used the Force “correctly” then none of that would have had to happen.

It’s a similar reason why I hate the theory that “true balance” means having an equal amount of Jedi and Sith out in the galaxy, because the Jedi were originally just a group of people who sought to protect and defend people who could not help themselves (and in doing so ended up being used as pawns by a Republic that did not care for their true goals), and Sith, you know, kept trying to keep the entire galaxy under their rule. The people who studied under Bogan’s power did not necessarily mean for that to happen - after all, not every dark side user is a Sith - but the nature of the dark side, and Sith in particular, is that if you are not careful it eats you up and spits you out, and you are a shell of what you once were. It is dangerous. It is the anger that sharpens your tongue or curls your fists and makes you do something you truly don’t want to do. It is the power that feels righteous in the moment, but when the fog clears you see you’re no better than those who hurt you. Letting that sensation rule you hurts, it isn’t good for you, and that is why it’s not possible for it to be “mixed” with the light.

As a Jedi, I did try to keep my darker emotions in check. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel them - I very much did - but I didn’t let them control my actions. When you have the power to snap someone’s spine with the power of your brain, you do have to be careful not to actually do that. Maybe it wasn’t as simple for other Force users, I know us Skywalkers were unfortunately built different. Using the Force came as easily as breathing to us. Looking back on it now, the best way I can describe how I used it would be by calling it a magical placebo effect - if I thought I was doing it right, I was. There were not many Jedi around to tell me it was impossible to do something. 

Obi-Wan himself did describe it best in the second “From a Certain Point of View” novel: 

“In his early days of training, Anakin had always been so tentative in speaking about the Force, like it was a word in a foreign language whose meaning he still wasn’t entirely sure of. With Luke, there’s no hesitation. Even though the concept was only introduced to him a few years earlier by a stranger he had previously believed to be a hermit gone half mad from sun exposure. Now, when he needs a reason to go, the Force is telling him exactly what to do, like it’s a guidebook I’d been recommending to him for years but he’s pretending he found all on his own. That’s not how the Force works, I think, and resist the urge to rub my temples, a habit Anakin had always teased me about.”

Ignoring for the moment how Obi-Wan absolutely dragged me for filth there, he’s more right than he knew - that isn’t how the Force works. But because that’s how I believed it should work, it did. And because neither Obi-Wan nor Yoda really sat me down and explained to me with painstaking clarity how it worked, I never really had that same trepidation that Anakin felt as a young boy suddenly surrounded by thousands of people who knew more about this mystical energy force than he probably ever would. Had he been in my position, with only a handful of Jedi left in the entire galaxy, he probably would have been much more brazen about using it, too. And it would have worked.

I didn’t realize the Force was weird around me until I met a lot more Force users. Ahsoka, Cal, Cere, hell I even think Kyle Katarn? Possibly Ezra as well. There was a reason Palpatine was after our family more than anyone else. We alone had a different connection to it. 

So, you know, I had to be careful. I didn’t live in fear that I’d be snapping necks left and right if I was in a bad mood, but I also just didn’t want to let it any of it take root. 

The way I see it... the dark side was primarily about weaponizing your emotions to control the Force. Canonically, we only see them utilize the baser, “darker” ones such as anger or hatred, usually brought about by immense and constant torture. The light side, on the other hand, was more about listening to the Force, discerning what it wanted, more reminiscent of a symbiotic relationship. On a base level, trying to mix those two schools of thought just doesn’t compute to me. Perhaps in other timelines, other galaxies a long time ago in a place far, far away, but not the one I come from. 

It is, however, possible to use kinder emotions in conjunction with the Force. Love, joy, hell even contentment - on their own, emotions are never evil. It is when you use them to bend the Force, or other beings, to your will, that is when it turns dark. But I used love when I saved my father - my anger was too terrible when he first threatened to turn my sister, and it was only after I saw his arm - so much like mine - that I loved him so much, and anguished over his pain, that I forced myself to stop. I always thought Anakin would have had an easier time as a Jedi if they had allowed him to focus using things he loved, if they had taught him how to love in a healthy way. 

I don’t think the old Jedi were unequivocally in the right. They had been stagnant for so many years by the Republic’s side, they had forgotten their true mission. It does not mean they had to be wiped out. It does not mean they were using the Force incorrectly. It just means that when I established my own Academy, years and years later, I did it as far away from the New Republic as I could. We were not beholden to any government. I only trained Force users to wield their powers safely, and I bestowed upon them the title of Jedi Knight if they so desired - but what was more important to me, I think, was bringing up a generation of Force users who wanted to help others. Who used love and empathy to protect and defend. 

Now, I don’t know for certain if I ever met any manifestations of the living Force (aside from the ghosts of my family - Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Yoda, who were all Very Opinionated about how I ran my Academy). I am, however, at least 90% sure that somehow, I did meet the Jedi Council during the height of the Clone Wars, due to some convoluted and complicated Force... thing. It didn’t change my timeline, but I like to think debating (read: arguing) with them helped save at least one galaxy. 

As a side note: I started reading the Thrawn trilogy recently! I’m about halfway done with it and the way Luke describes the Force just feels so accurate to how I felt it. It’s very fun, I’m glad I’m reading it! I might just write up a hugelong post comparing it and the sequel trilogy vs. what I know of my own timeline eventually. 

#gryneos #Ask #Force rambling #Mod post

[brokeandbrown]

Chihayafuru is Masterful!

Well I recently got myself to watch Chihayafuru. It had been on my radar for a long time and someone close to me nagged me about it because I love sports anime but to be honest, it didn’t catch my eye because I wasn’t sure if I could relate to the sport of Karuta. I had heard of the amazing reviews but to be honest, it was hard for me to bring myself to watch it. Also the fact that it was so revered in the anime community also made me hesitant to watch it until I could be full appreciative of it by being in the correct mindset. In hindsight, this was not as big a deal as I made it out to be. For example, I enjoyed several baseball anime before I even properly understood the rule of baseball. In fact, I came to appreciate baseball because I enjoyed baseball anime and the suspense and variety of plays in the depiction of the game. But still, baseball was still closer to other sports I played and watched for years so I am sure some of my caution was warranted. Nonetheless, it is funny how perfect of a time I chanced upon to pick up Chihayafuru. I was doing my gazillionth rewatch of the Adachi classic “Cross game” and was out of ideas as to what to watch next. I was in the mood of sports anime but didn’t want to watch some shonen-ish super intense sports anime. Also character work ftw. And while browsing and looking for something to watch, I chanced upon it and I was like sure, I can watch a couple of episodes and delve into it while eating my bibimbap before I continue with my all nighter to finish up some pending work. And so began a series of unfortunate events, in the sense that I wouldn’t be able to begin my planned work on my pending project until three days later. The timing was impeccable, almost like providence, in that the manga had just finished a week ago, something I had no awareness off. And so I binged through 2.5 seasons of 62 episodes in less than 13 hours (if you don’t know - I watch anime at 1.8x) which is one of my fastest binge runs in the recent time. And finishing up the three seasons, I immediately jumped into the manga, continued my speed-run until I was at the last page of chapter 247. What a ride.  I would probably do a couple of posts on the thematic nuances, character-work and just the literary brilliance of the series, since it is impossible to cover the vast depth that this series has in one post. However, one aspect of the series that I would cover here, to some degree, is the Hyakunin Isshu - the 100 poems, historically compiled and preserved through Nippon history. Think of it like Heike monogatari which was one of the oldest monogataris that still continues to inspire media tremendously; a new anime adaptation came out in fall 2021, which was also very grandiose with beautiful animation. Nonetheless, it is just amazing how 4 line poems written a millenium ago can hit deeply into your emotional psyche. 

kaze wo itami, iwa utsu nami no, onore nomi, kudakete mono wo, omou koro kana" - Loosely translates to "As the wind is strong, waves hit the rocks, yet only I am shattered when I think of you."  While Karuta is the central plot device to move the story, the Hyakunin Isshu - the 100 poems are subtly the main drivers of the story. This becomes much more apparent when each of the poems wonderfully encompasses the story of each of the characters and their struggles. Minamoto No Shigeyuki's poem above is a wonderful demonstration to juxtapose the development of one of the best-written characters, Mashima Taichi. The similarity to Rei Kiriyama is frighteningly heavy. Both Mashima and Rei hate their respective fields but feel that they have to play on as it is the only thing they do have. Nonetheless the difference here is that while Rei Kiriyama is relatively a genius like Arata in the story, Taichi isn't unless he is. He is not born with the game sense to play the game and just hangs on with his meticulous hard work. He is a jack of all trades but doesn't have something he is really good at. The imposter syndrome is real and very relatable. And so he expresses all his feelings through Karuta, something he doesn't enjoy (or does he). As Chihaya herself realizes, he is like the waves that hit the rocks in vain, "Tare o ka mo, Shiru hito ni sen, Takasago no, Matsu mo mukashi no, Tomo nara naku ni" - loosely translating to "GONE are my old familiar friends, The men I used to know; Yet still on Takasago beach,The same old pine trees-grow, That I knew long ago." The story is a development of childhood friends who grew together, grew apart, grew separate, yet were still connected by the thread of Karuta. They get seaparated by distance, separated in Karuta, separated by their love for themselves, separated by their love for Karuta, but as long as they keep playing Karuta, they find their way to each other. The old familiar self they knew are gone, yet the same old pine trees grow that they have known all this time, ever since. "Tachiwakare inaba, Inaba no yama no mine ni ouru matsu; matsu to shi kikaba ima kaerikon" translating to "We separate if I leave, just like the name of the pine trees that grow on the peak of Mt Inaba, if I hear that you are waiting for me, I will return to you". Would anyone believe that this poem and the previous one were written in different times by different people? Well the human emotions and depth of conversation with oneself has probably been the same throughout history. You can grow apart from people, by fate or by choice but truthfully if the bond you had with someone was special to you, even if you can't be true to yourself, somewhere deep inside you know that if they call out for you, you will always reach out to them. This beautifully complements both the overall narrative and final act of the story which I would leave the reader to figure out the connection without spoiling. This poem called Tachi, alluding to Mashima Taichi's name cleverly complements the Tare poem above. However, despite the connection between Tare and Tachi, the true literary complement for Tachi is another unrelated poem from the Hyakanin Isshu. "Chihayaburu, kami-yo mo kikazu, Tatsuta-gawa, kara-kurenai ni, mizu kukuru to wa" - translating to "Even in the age of almighty gods unheard of, − the waters of Tatsuta are tie-dyed in crimson.". The poem is named Chihayaburu, or alternatively read as "Chihayafuru". Coincidence much? P.S. The last line of Chihayaburu's original reading is mizu kukuru to wa which refers to a beautiful autumn scenery like the gale in Chihaya. However, Fujiwara No Teika, the original compiler of the Hyakunin Isshu read it as mizu kuguru to wa changing the meaning of the poem ever so slightly "Even in the age of almighty gods unheard of, − the waters of Tatsuta are flowing under layers of crimson." making it a well-disguised love poem, referencing undying passionate love, which is always concealed, providing a beautiful thematic background to the story in question.

[forabeatofadrum]

Thoughts on the end of Time After Time

Well, would you look at that. This fic basically had two endings, the one from After and the one from Forever.

How about that!

Ending one.

Fun fact, I am writing this post on Sunday June 12th, so it’ll be another 9 weeks or so before I can post this. But even though I haven’t written the ending yet (it’s partially done), I know how Time After Time ends. 

If you are reading this by the time I post this, then Time After Time will have been finished. I have a question about the ending. I obviously recommend reading Time After Time before answering. I am posting this with a question to readers:

Was this a happy ending?

After all, that has been on my mind ever since Christina @facewithoutheart helped me out with the ending. Yes, Christina is the one to thank/blame for how events ended up. The reason I was stuck on this fic was so long was because I saw 4 possible endings and I had no clue what to do, so Christina came with an alternative one and that’s the one you read.

Now, when I started posting this fic (a week ago from my perspective, hi, it’s the 12th), I had a hard time with the AO3 tags, because was I able to tag this as “Angst with a Happy Ending”? I think this ending is a happy one if I am being honest. Maybe it’s not the happiness the characters expected to find, but it’s happiness. Still, just to be safe, I didn’t use the tag on AO3 in case anyone disagreed with me. So I didn’t want to possibly give readers false hope. I considered tagging it with “Ambiguous/Open Ending” or something similar, but it’s not. There is no ambiguity. It’s pretty clear what happened.

So again: what are your thoughts?

--

Ending two.

Everyone say “thank you Doctor Who series 9!”

Hello, hello, it is July 19th, and please disregard everything written above (or, no, actually, no, I’ll get to it later). I also just wrote the intro for this post, so that wasn’t written on June 12th!

Basically, as some of you might know, somewhere in the last month or so I got a random idea for an alternative ending, which is the ending of Forever. It was kind of unexpected, because I held on to the idea of the first ending (see above), because I actually really, really wanted this “not stereotypically happing ending” so badly. Not to say that an “and they lived happily ever after” is necessarily bad, but the idea of them not having that, or more that Simon and Baz have to rethink what happy ever after is for them, was very appealing.

So, what happened? Somewhere in the last month, I got reminded of the last episode of season 9 of Doctor Who.

Now, beware Doctor Who series 9 spoilers!!! And spoilers for both endings of Time After Time!!!

I’ve already mentioned before that Doctor Who series 9 strangely enough became a major inspiration for this fic. In VII when Baz laments on immortality and memory, that’s definitely inspired by the episode The Woman Who Lived, which delves into the immortal life of Me/Ashildr. You can read more about this inspiration here. Small recap (in case you don’t know Doccy Whomst): the Twelfth Doctor saved a young girl named Ashildr from dying by making her immortal, thinking he did an act of kindness, but immortality only makes Ashildr bitter and forgetful. She even starts calling herself Me at one point, since all her previous names are forgotten too. She accuses Twelve of trapping her in her life.

This inspiration moment made me want to rewatch some of series 9, so I did. Of course I watched the series finale as well! So, in the last episode Hell Bent, for [REDACTED] reasons, Twelve travels to the very end of the universe and guess who he finds there? Me/Ashildr! For (plot hole?) reasons even other immortals have died and she is all that’s left, but she is waiting for the collapse of the universe which will probably cause her long-awaited death.

And I had an “oh OF COURSE” moment, because I’ve established that Baz cannot die. (Or, well, he can, as pointed out in VII. He could’ve burnt to death, or starved to death, etc., and I also debated on that for a while. Me/Ashildr is definitely immortal and even things like drowning cannot affect her etc., and I was afraid Baz not being immune to this stuff would sort of diminish the whole immortality thing, but in the end the fact that Baz, who claims he wants to die, still chooses to live makes me emo.) ANYWAY, so Baz cannot die. In my original ending it is pretty much implied that he lives on for all of eternity, but then Hell Bent basically hit me with the idea that there is no eternity. Me/Ashildr lives to the end of existence, because there is an inevitable end to existence.

The next thing I know, I had part of the ??? section written out, and I was like “wait... no... I already have an ending!!!” but the creative mind does what the creative mind wants. I even put a reference to Hell Bent in the fic. Me/Ashildr tells Twelve that she’s been watching the stars die and it’s beautiful. Baz agrees. 

So I kept writing and then I had ∞ written out too.

(Look, Doctor Who series 9 is one of the best series and it’s sad that not many people gave Twelve a chance, since he is my favourite Doctor. There is actually another small inspiration taken from this series, namely from the episode Heaven Sent. Twelve says “The day someone dies isn’t the worst. At least you’ve got something to do. It’s all the days they stay dead” and I feel like that is the best way to describe the grief that Baz is feeling in VIII after Simon goes on. To Baz, the days Simon stays dead are endless. Or so he thinks, because back then he still believes eternity to be a thing.)

After that I spent a long time debating which ending I wanted. People who follow this blog might’ve noticed. To me, it was a choice. Christina suggested both in a Choose Your Own Adventure way, but as you now know, ending no. 2 was basically an extension of ending no. 1, so that didn’t work in my eyes.

In the end I had the simple (yet galaxy brained?) idea to cut the epilogue in half. Yeah, everything that is now Forever was once part of After. I also tried to hold on to the neat number of 10 chapters, but this felt right. Now, ending no. 2 didn’t feel like it was diminishing ending no. 1 and ending no. 1 got its moment to shine on its own.

I suppose the question of the earlier section still stands: was this a happy ending?

#story extras #story: time after time

[sansaorgana]

— SECOND CHANCE

PAIRING — Erik Lehnsherr x fem!Mutant!Reader

SUMMARY — Long time ago, you made your choice not to follow Erik. It was a decision that you have been regretting ever since. Ten years later you finally see him again.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Finally, as I promised, another fic with Erik!!! And not the last one either! 😁 I have rewatched all X–Men movies recently and I have some ideas... 😊 Reader’s mutation is NOT specified.

WORD COUNT — 3,040

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

SECOND CHANCE

Tight, black and yellow suit was hot to touch from the heat of the sun. You still remembered that feeling; the hot material underneath your fingers when you were trying to adjust the torn piece on your shoulder to cover your wounded skin from the upcoming blows and punches. You also remembered the fear, the pounding heart in your chest and the metallic taste of blood on your tongue from accidentally biting it after landing flat-faced on the ground when the plane crashed. 

And you remembered Erik’s steel blue eyes. He was surprised to see you even hesitate after his invitation to stand by his side. He felt like there was no need for words. Your loyalty was something he wouldn’t dare to overthink. But you didn’t move, you kept standing, petrified. And he kept staring at you and your lungs were starting to fail you. It was so heavy to breathe.

Even Raven left Charles’ side – his somewhat sister – and you kept standing in the same spot with a dry mouth because you had forgotten to swallow.

“(Y/N),” Erik’s voice was stern but you knew him well enough to know that it was a desperate plea more than a request. You had spent so much time together, he took you for granted.

“I’m sorry, Erik, I can’t…” you heard the words leaving your mouth but it felt like someone else had said them. It felt like watching a movie, it was certainly not real.

“(Y/N),” he repeated your name and his jaw clenched but you knew it was not driven by his anger. His world was tumbling down, everything he had known was turning into dust. You were everything he had known and the only person he had. And now you were betraying him… Abandoning him. Just like his mother did because she was just a weak human and couldn’t protect herself from the bullet. Meanwhile, you were a weak mutant – weak, because instead of admiring him, you feared him at that moment. He wasn’t a telepath but he could sense your apprehension.

“I love you…” you heard yourself saying and felt a tear rolling down your cheek. You had never told him that. That state of your feelings was obvious but you had never made that confession. “...but I can’t join you.”

Something told you already that you would regret your decision. You watched them all disappear but you let yourself burst out in tears only after being left alone with Moira, Charles and Hank. You didn’t want Erik to know how much this decision had cost you because then you’d expose yourself to his manipulations and sweet promises and you knew you’d give in.

But you didn’t want to give in and for the first time in your life, you made an important decision all by yourself. It was a tough decision, it was painful and difficult but it was morally good. You should have been proud of yourself but instead you were cursing yourself in your mind.

“Th-thank you,” Charles coughed out and you cracked a smile through your own tears.

You didn’t choose him. It wasn’t about him at all and you could feel deep in your bones that you would grow to hate him for your own decision just because it meant being separated from Erik.

You woke up abruptly and sat up in your bed while breathing heavily. You couldn’t see anything; it was the middle of the night. You glanced at the clock on your nightstand. Three am. You turned a small lamp on and wiped the sweat off of your forehead before sighing deeply and falling back down on your pillow.

It was raining outside, the sound was making you feel comfortable and somehow safe. Cold rain was a reminder that the hot, sunny day on the beach was far away. The dream was only a memory of something that had happened a long time ago.

“Stop haunting me, you bastard,” you murmured and turned your head around to look at the photograph on your night stand, right between the clock and a small lamp.

It was the only picture of you and Erik ever taken. You were wearing a new red polka dot dress that he had stolen for you in a store in Paris and the picture was taken by the Eiffel Tower. You had been living like Bonnie and Clyde back in the day, or like two superagents; always on a hunt. Chasing traces and clues, never spending more than a few nights in the same place. Back in the day, you had thought that once you’d capture your main target, you’d settle down with Erik.

“But you’re not dead,” you whispered and reached your hand out to caress the picture’s frame. “You’re not a ghost, so you can’t haunt me.”

It was your own heart haunting you with the memory of the day you two had parted. It was caused by regret.

You sighed and rolled over in the huge bed, feeling so small in the middle of it. Ten years earlier, the two of you had been sleeping in it together for a few weeks. It had been the longest time you had ever spent in one place. You had hoped it would become your home.

Your biggest regret was not even the fact that you and Erik were parted. Your biggest regret was that he was in jail now, deep under the ground. And you thought that it wouldn’t had happened… if only you were with him.

On the other hand, every single person that had joined him was dead – except for Raven. That was the argument Charles would often bring up whenever you whined about your current life.

And, God, you hated your life and you hated Charles Xavier. Well, not really. At this point you were like a dysfunctional family – but still a family – so you couldn’t say that you hated him. But he was an asshole, addicted to alcohol and that medicine that Hank had prepared for him. The mansion was dark and dirty, full of spiderwebs and dust. You only took care of your bedroom and the en suite bathroom. It wasn’t your job to be a maid of Charles and Hank.

At first your life hadn’t been so bad. You had been a teacher, you had your students and your schedule had been distracting you from thinking of Erik all the time. But now your life was full of long and boring days without any purpose and meaning. You were wasting your life away and you couldn’t even be with a man whom you loved. You spent most of your time reading books, taking walks around the neglected garden and taking long naps.

You turned the lamp off and formed a big roll out of your duvet to put your arms around it like it was a person. It would help you to fall asleep on nights like this.

“Are you thinking of me, too?” you asked quietly before drifting away to the land of dreams once again.

The arrival of that man known as Logan was the first exciting thing that had happened to you in years. And when he mentioned something about helping Erik to escape the Pentagon, you felt the mixture of anxiety and excitement.

The possibility of seeing Erik again was worth risking everything. Even if he wouldn’t want to look at you twice after all these years, after the abandonment and betrayal. You just wanted to see him again, look into his eyes, feel him being real and alive. You wanted the constant yearning and guilt to go away. You felt like you owed him the escape.

Of course Charles didn’t want to do it but it was about Raven more than about Erik, so he gave in. But he knew very well that you couldn’t wait to see your lover again so he kept giving you weird looks. And he wasn’t the only one.

“What is it?” you asked after spotting Logan in your mirror.

You were in your bedroom, preparing yourself to go with them all to find some mutant boy who was extremely fast.

“I’m sorry,” he emerged from the darkness and cleared his throat after properly entering your room instead of lurking inside through the ajar door.

“Don’t be sorry,” you shrugged your arms and fixed your hair. “I’m just wondering why are you scared of me. Or intimidated by me, I don’t know how to interpret your odd looks and why you’re avoiding me,” you explained and turned around to face him.

“Rule number one of a time traveller,” he cracked a smile, “is that you can’t reveal anything about the future.”

“Oh, so it has something to do with my future,” you cocked an eyebrow. “Now you have to tell me,” you insisted. “Are we, like, enemies?”

“It’s the first time I’m meeting you in real life,” he admitted and you furrowed your brows. “You’re more of a legend, I’d say. A myth perhaps.”

Your heart skipped a beat at that revelation. So, in the future you were apparently long gone. You only hoped that you wouldn’t die before making things right between you and Erik again.

“How will I die?”

“Perhaps not at all if we prevent Raven killing Trask,” he explained and you sighed with relief.

One thing you had in common with Charles was your hope – sometimes too naive and too innocent for your own good. But after finding out that this part of your future remains unwritten, for you it was like it wouldn’t happen at all. You had hope that you would manage to stop Raven. You were almost certain of it.

But still, there was some universe, some version of the timeline, where you had died.

“But when I died…” you started.

“I really don’t want to give you any details,” he shook his head.

“Just one thing, please,” you pleaded. “Was I with him again before that?”

Logan laughed a little and you furrowed your brow.

“So… That’s why Magneto is so dangerous,” he explained. “If I lost a woman who loved me so much, I would swear to destroy everything, too.”

You felt your cheeks heating up a little at that comment. It still wasn’t an answer to your question but it was enough – Erik loved you. Still.

“Let’s go,” you said and left the room to join Hank and Charles downstairs.

Charles decided it would be a bad idea for you to go to the Pentagon with the rest of them. You were supposed to wait for them on a plane – just in case they got into some sort of trouble, you’d be out of it so you could rescue them. That was Charles’ explanation. But in fact, he wasn’t sure of what you’d do after seeing Erik for the first time in ten years.

You were sitting in one of the seats, fixing your hair all the time, nervous of the way you looked. After all, ten years had passed and you weren’t as young as you had been on that beach when you had seen him for the last time. On your lap there was a bag with new clothes for Erik to wear so he wouldn’t have to walk around in a prisoner’s uniform. Your palms were sweaty and shaky as your heart pounded so loud that you couldn’t hear anything else.

There was a lump in your throat and a pit in your stomach as you chewed on your lower lip. And then you heard a whoosh sound and all of the guys showed up in front of you. At first, you didn’t react, too shocked to do anything.

When you realized that it was, in fact, Erik standing in front of you – real and alive – you stood up abruptly as the bag fell down off of your lap to the ground. He made wide eyes at you, Charles probably hadn’t told him that you’d be waiting.

“Let’s get out of here,” said Charles and sat down in one of the seats. Logan followed him while Hank sat behind the steer. Erik and you were still standing and staring at each other.

He hadn't changed much. His hair was shorter and there were a few more wrinkles on his face, but that would be it. You hoped he was thinking the same about you.

“I… I’ve got clothes for you… To ch-change,” you crouched down to pick up the bag before handing it to him.

It felt so surreal to see him again that you couldn’t even say “hello”.

“Thank you,” was all he said and your fingers brushed when he was taking the bag from you. Your whole body felt like it had been hit with an electric bolt.

Erik walked past you to go to the bathroom and you turned around to watch his back disappear behind the door.

“Wait,” you breathed out and followed him inside. Both Charles and Logan turned their heads to watch the scene. It had to be entertaining for them.

But they couldn’t see anything anyway because you closed the door after walking inside the bathroom after Erik. You couldn’t control your own body, it was all impulses and instincts leading your actions.

“What are you–” Erik started but you clashed your lips with his before he could finish the question.

He was surprised and taken aback at first but eventually he placed his big hands on both of your cheeks and pulled you even closer. You tangled your hands in his hair and opened your mouth wider to let him devour you with a kiss.

Long time ago you had been laying in bed together, in one of the cities that you had only been passing by. You remembered watching some war movie on TV in a hotel room and you remembered the long on-screen kiss. Your head had been on Erik’s chest and you had looked up to watch his face as you had been wondering what it was like to kiss someone after such a long time. Now you knew.

He broke the kiss when he felt your wet tears on his thumbs. You both caught your breaths and he wiped your cheeks gently. His own eyes were glistening, too.

“I thought you were with him now,” he said.

You took a step back – as much as the small bathroom allowed you to.

“You asshole,” you clenched your jaw and turned around to open the door and leave but he locked it without even lifting a finger. And when you tried to unlock it aggressively, he kept locking it back again until you gave up with a sigh and faced him again. “First thing you do after seeing me again is accusing me of cheating?” you asked, disappointed.

“Cheating? That would mean we were together all this time,” he raised an eyebrow. “As far as I remember, you chose him.”

“I know you were fucking Raven,” you pursed your lips to stop yourself from crying more, “and that other woman, too, probably. Emma, that was her name, right? Angel, too, I assume. I don’t care. I didn’t choose to go with you, you were free to do whatever you wanted. But it doesn’t mean that I didn’t choose to go with you because of him. I chose that for myself. And I have hated myself for it every day since then. I wanted to be a good person and do the right thing but turns out I am not. I am not a good person. Because all I want is to be with you again,” you confessed and blinked a few times to dry your fresh tears.

“You weren’t looking for me. I was waiting for you to change your mind and join me,” Erik clenched his jaw like he was waiting for some complicated explanation. But the answer was easy.

“I was afraid of you. I was afraid of the man I had seen on that beach, Erik. All these years we spent together, you had never told me what had been truly hiding in your head. I always thought it was about hunting Schmidt. I never knew you shared his ideas,” you swallowed thickly and sniffled.

“I didn’t want you to ever be afraid of me,” Erik’s fingers raised your chin up as he looked deep into your eyes. “You know that protecting you is my priority, always. Even if it means destroying the world,” he confessed as your eyes widened. It reminded you of what Logan had said earlier.

“I know,” you cracked a smile and he caressed your cheek. You leaned in to kiss the palm of his hand and held onto his wrist for a moment while looking into his eyes. “Will you do everything right this time? For me? I don’t want you to destroy the world. I just want you to fix everything so we can get the second chance,” you explained. “In our old room in Charles’ house there is still a drawer full of your clothes and I still wash them sometimes, pretending that you are using them, pretending that you’re going to come back soon. I make up the bed on your side and I keep a razor in the bathroom in case you wanted to shave,” you kept talking and talking and you knew that you were blabbering at this point but after all these years, you had to let it all out, along with the tears rolling down your cheeks uncontrollably now.

Erik furrowed his brow as his eyes full of pain were watching your face. Eventually, he shushed you and pressed your head to his chest to give you a comforting hug. The one you had been craving for so long.

“I will fix everything,” he made a promise and rubbed your back before giving kisses to your temple and the top of your head. “But I don’t think I want to go back to that house. I don’t think I can share Charles’ ideas and optimism.”

“It’s alright,” you shook your head. Now it was time for you to make a promise, too. “This time I will follow you wherever you go.”

MASTERLIST

#erik lehnsherr x reader #lilysfiction #magneto x reader

[texasbama]

Beef with P-Sawyer. What’s the 🍵. I always like hearing people’s T.V lore for popular shows that ended years ago.

She was fuckin selfish and she was a terrible to friend.

Not that Lucas was such a prize, but she cheated with him on Brooke TWICE. Not once but TWICE. Who does that to their best friend? Hm??

It was always “woe is me. Im angry. My dad isnt there. My mom’s dies. No one understands me.” Wah wah wah! Like yes she went through some shit but they all were! She ain’t special!

And THEN in the adult years, she was a BITCH to Lindsey. As IF it was her fault that Lucas was a bitch ass who proposed to her when he knew he was in love with Peyton still. And even during that whole thing Peyton acted like she was the victim! Like girl WHAT!

And this is a sidenote but as a Brooke lover , I absolutely HATE that she got stuck with Peyton’s ex. Julian was aight but goddamn! How nice would it be if Brooke got with a guy that wasn’t traumatized by dating her blonde best friend.

And LASTLY, specifically in regards to her friendship with Brooke. She was a SHIT friend from s1 to her last ep. It was always about her and her problems and what she wanted. Brooke didn’t have any family at home so she looked to her friends for that love. Especially her friendship with Peyton since they’d known each other so long. Brooke was almost always the one to apologize as if they weren’t two people in that friendship. haley was a much better friend in general bur especially in the adult years. Which Brooke said before her wedding I believe.

You didn’t ask for all of this but talking about the girl makes me so UGH! I watched the show during its original run, I have since rewatched numerous times in as adult. Fuck that girl. I stand ten toes down on that one.

[msjessicaday]

can’t stop saying “meanwhile” which means i’m watching too much of the nanny again

#it wasn’t even that long ago since my last rewatch #but here i am once again #* #the nanny