#it won't be easy but i'm so tired of being my biggest enemy

[compassionatereminders]

Hey, I hope this won't drag down your own mood or anything. Thank you for providing a place where people can air out their hearts and minds when needed. I just wanted to let you know that first of all.

Secondly, I have been struggling for a few months now to actually confront the roots of everything that I have been struggling with in my life. Relationships, my own self esteem and the finding ways to cope with life since everything has been so overwhelming for me. I know I'm not the only one so I don't want to sound like I pity myself. But it's hard to keep myself motivated to find the balance to continue with healing so I can figure out who I am and what I really want. Because I feel lost and I have a hard time figuring out what I actually want out of my life.

I've lived my life as a people pleaser for so long, masking myself so I could focus on others and their needs. And I completely abandoned my own to the point of not really knowing what I actually need myself. So I feel confused and insecure all the time. I feel even guilty for being so messed up inside my head because I don't know what I am here for. I want to learn to fall in love with a life that I want to live. But I just don't know what I want besides wanting to live a peaceful life where I am not self-doubting myself constantly. I know my own thoughts are my biggest enemies and I know where they all are coming from. But finding ways to learn to live with them, to learn to accept them as part of me instead of trying to chase them out of my system, it's so damn tough.

I'm tired. I'm so damn tired to desperately find ways to keep myself motivated to keep working hard on myself. But whenever I feel overwhelmed and just tired because of everything that's been going on, I feel so incredibly hopeless and defeated.

I just hope I'm going to be okay. In the short run but also, eventually, in the long run. Because I don't want to give up. I don't want to stop getting better. But I'm so tired and it sometimes feels like a neverending limbo of trying to force my own knees to bend lower and lower so I can barely get underneath that bar of expectations that I keep setting lower (metaphorically speaking).

So I really hope I can get better. But at the same time, I wish to just rest. Like- actually rest. Because even that, I still am not able to get. Proper rest from it all.

I really want to learn to love myself. To be okay with who I am. Because I don't want to beat myself up for the slightest of fuck ups that I keep making. I just want to be okay with it all. Find that inner peace that I feel like I have been missing out on for so long.

Anyways, thank you for providing me a place where I can put down my emotions and thoughts without filtering it through. It helps, just like your blog is helping out others.

Take it easy and take good care of yourself 🫂

And again- thank you.

It sounds like you're being too hard on yourself, even in your efforts to heal. Healing is an important journey that I hope you keep investing in, but beating yourself up about not having all the answers and judging yourself for not being there yet and needing breaks where you don't have to actively work to get there won't heal you faster. So try to turn down your expectations and perfectionism a bit, and Healing might feel less like a failure ❤️

#chat with kat

[fizzy-bird]

I know my blog is anonymous. There is a reason for that. You see, I was harassed, stalked, and bullied on social media for over a decade. Yes, I did my share to "get back" at the people who I trusted and was ultimately stabbed in the back, face, butt... You name it! It didn't help. I used to feel the need every morning to run to different social media accounts to see if my last (known) hater had posted more lies about me. (The ones that were told were so disgusting and ridiculous, I had to have the law involved!) So far, they have been silent about everything... Since February of this year, until now.

Normally, one would breathe a sigh of relief. I know better. The storm is brewing, they are getting primed and ready for a new round of internet war. I am too exhausted to do anything about it though. I am simply too tired and I realize I don't really give a shit what they do or say.

I have a few online friends. I have friends in real life. I've come to a point though that I am sick of the drama made up by pathetic adults who have nothing better to do! I won't lie. I've looked back at my own actions and posts. I was just as pathetic. I don't think "pathetic" is my color. Time to change the landscape.

I will not try to forgive this hater. I will be honest, there is no way I could. I want to forgive myself for being taken in by the drama and engaging with the enemy. Yes, the internet is full of enemies. Not all of the people you meet on here will be 100% honest (who is all the time?) and not all of them are going to love you. In fact, the people blowing sugared smoke up your ass the most? They are the biggest snakes! Don't agree? Step back from your daily interactions on social media. Look at who you actually correspond with. Do you see a caterpillar in your garden with a bowl of powdered sugar and a hooka? Not a caterpillar, sugar bears! No no! That's a snake and it's time to throw those bad snakes out of your garden!

But how you ask? Simple! Almost all social media apps have a block button. It is easy to hit that damn button. Even easier to hit the unblock button. I am guilty as sin of this! Don't do it, sugar plum! I know, I know! You want to see what that no good so and so is saying now. But, do you really? No! Trust me, you don't. If they aren't publicly acting out at the moment, your brain will go into over drive thinking of what they are gonna do next. Do you want to waste all that amazing brain power on a sleezy internet troll? NO! (That is always the answer to that question!) Hit that block button and forget it. It is hard. Oh babies, is it hard but so worth it!

After you commit to the block button, and yes it is a commitment, stop hunting. Why are you looking for snide comments or crappy videos made about you by someone who has absolutely too much time on their hands? You do realize that they want you to see their masterpieces! They want you to see their well thought out and perfectly written crappy comment about you and your life. Do you really want to read that, sugar babies? Do you really want to read or listen to or watch what someone has to say about you when that someone means nothing to you? Ah! And now we've hit a nerve!

Do they mean anything to you? If you continue to go back and look at profiles, pages, video channels, blogs, and micro blogs to see if your hater is talking about you, do you really hate them? When I asked myself this question I made myself sick because I always said that I truly hated this person. I know hate is a strong word, baby loves, that's why I'm using it. I was more offended and hurt by the person in question when they begin their relentless attack on my family and myself. I had to break down exactly why I claimed to hate this person yet I couldn't stop looking at their social media presence.

You do know that most of the people that you meet on social media that you will never meet in real life, the life they show us is not the life they live! I know this doesn't necessarily help but if you feel like you are less than because a person on the internet, that you have never met before and probably never will, pretends like they are better than you, has more than you, is better looking than you, smarter than you... it's all because of jealousy!

So I then began to think about that aspect. Jealousy. Was I actually jealous of my hater? Why would I have been jealous of my hater? Well, I will tell you. I couldn't stop looking at their damn posts and videos! I honestly believed that they were living their best life. That's what they wanted me to believe. I believed the LIE again. Yes, this bird is a bit ditzy!

I went back to reassess my feelings about my hater. I discovered that I almost pity them because they had to go to great lengths to try to discredit me as a human, make me seem deplorable and disgusting, while attacking my family in the process. When I thought about the amount of time it took to attack, on social media only, my family and my character, I realized they have no life! They have been lying for over a decade! No one with a real life has that much time to make up so many lies and then put it out there for the world to see. Being a troll has to be time consuming!

And by the way honey buns, the world doesn't care what they say! The world doesn't even know who they are! That's quite comforting. Anyone who listens to haters and believes the lies that fly from their mouths, doesn't belong in your garden anyway!

After looking back, I have realized that I am guilty as well. I hit that block button on every social media account that I had. But I didn't follow through. I made sock accounts so I could see what was being said. All that does is tear you down. And you deserve better than that, kitten. You're working hard to build yourself up! Why do something so self-destructive? That was the question I was asking myself for the past few months. Now granted, this harassment has been going on for over a decade and it's been the end of last year (trauma from internet harassment, bullying, and stalking takes a bit to recover from) that I had decided that knowing what they're doing, if it's about me or not, is completely unimportant and has nothing to do with me.

The block button on social media websites is there for a reason. But the block button only works if you hit it, and you mean it.

Today I will be doing my own thing, I will not be searching for drama, I will continue to vent on this blog for as long as need be. And yes, I will be anonymous (as you would be if you were me darlings, I assure you this!) and yes, the people I discuss will be anonymous and I don't even know if I'm going to mention all the social media platforms that I have had to block this person from but let me just say all the big ones!

Is there a person or people in your life that is harassing you? Do you feel safe? Do you feel the need to contact law enforcement officials or a responsible adult, a parent or guardian? If you answered yes to any of these, do it now! Hit that block button, don't look back!

I say we heal together!

Love,

Fizzy-Bird

#growth #positive mental attitude #anonymous #stalkers #positive change #surviving trauma #social media

[ronas-reveries]

×Tokyo Rev. Relationship HCs

×Characters: Yasuhiro Muto, Kanji Mochizuki, Shion Madarame

×Author's Note: Of course I can write something! HCs may be a little ooc since it's my first time writing for them and I'm still a little rusty, but I hope you enjoy them nonnie!

×TWs: Slightly Toxic Behavior, Slightly Toxic Relationship, Mentions of Fighting, Mentions of Blood and Wounds.

×Additional Tags: Not Canon Compliant, Fluff, Slightly Suggestive, May be OOC, Reader's Gender Not Specified, Under Read More Because it's Long.

Requests Are Open!

×Yasuhiro Muto×

•Exquisite taste, Mucho is 10/10 Husband Material if he trusts you enough to actually ask you out. It won't be easy considering he's a delinquent, but the rewards are more than worth it.

•He isn't one for short-term relationships, so be prepared to be in it for the long haul. Also be prepared to take things slow, this man wants a solid foundation for your relationship.

•His love languages are acts of service and quality time. He's not for many mushy words, but his loyalty to you will never falter so long as he trusts you and you trust him.

•He's more than happy to be in the same room with you, even if both of you are doing different things. Just feeling your presence and hearing your voice once in a while is more than enough to make him content.

•Despite being so tall and intimidating, he somehow looks so precious making you both breakfast in the morning. Whether you like tea, coffee, chocolate milk, or anything else, it's already waiting for you right next to your plate.

•That being said, Mucho doesn't sugar-coat things, so sometimes his words can be blunt and maybe even hurtful. He doesn't mean to hurt you and does genuinely apologize, he's also more than willing to sit down and talk about it.

•He doesn't do too much PDA aside from the usual hand-holding and a rare piggyback ride if you're tired. Doesn't mean he doesn't love or that he's embarrassed, he just doesn't want to bring any unwanted attention to the two of you. When in private though, anything goes, he'll even let you dangle off his arm like you were hanging off a monkey-bar if it makes you happy.

•The last thing he wants is for you to get involved with gang-related activities, much less fighting. It's his business and he doesn't want you getting hurt. And no, you can't fight him on that even if you can hold your own.

•Looord, he's a giant teddy bear when sleeping in the same bed. Mucho's so comfortable and warm, and he loves when he's sleeping on his stomach with you snoozing away on his back. It's a moment that brings him so much peace that you may just hear him snoring ever so softly.

•He loves you, truly, so please don't ever make him choose a side to where his biggest loyalty lies. It's probably one of the only things that will make him upset with you. He understands that his lifestyle can get hectic, but he's trying to give you the best that he can under the circumstances.

×Kanji Mochizuki×

•Honestly, he isn't a bad partner. Not on purpose, at least. Bonten Mocchi is definitely easier to be in a relationship than his younger self, and he makes it clear that the life he leads isn't for everyone, giving you a chance to make sure this is what you really want.

•The moment of the confession, whether it was you who confessed or him, is probably the calmest you've seen him. You're usually met with his loud voice, even when he's never raised it at you specifically, and at least a tiny bit of chaos whenever he calls while he's at work.

•His love languages are gift-giving and quality time. Though he'd respect your wishes if you didn't want to get involved with his criminal activities, he'd be lying if he said the thought of you cheering for him during a fight didn't boost his ego.

•Which brings us to the fact that you're going to have to learn to defend yourself if you don't already. He'll personally make sure of that because he wants to keep you safe from any enemies that may want to get to him by going through you. The mere thought of something so sleazy and cowardly makes his blood boil.

•If you're hesitant, he'll remind you that a lot if people want him either hurt or dead, and hell be damned if you're hurt because of him. Now put up your fists, you're not using a gun in a knife fight.

•Like Mucho, he's a very comfortable man to have next to you. Something about him just makes you feel safe whenever you're both asleep and he has an arm around you. Hope you have air conditioning though, because this man is a walking heater.

•He has absolutely no qualms about fighting someone on the spot simply because they made you uncomfortable or said something he didn't like. Mans will protect your honor and have fun doing it, especially if they put up a good fight.

•Other than never knowing if you're going to see him on the news or at all, that's probably one of the other most stressful things to happen when having Mocchi as your partner. He may actually surprise you with either an arrangement of flowers or a gift of something you like with an apology note for cutting your date short with his fight. It's rare, but you know he means it.

•Despite his big, towering frame and aggressive personality, Mocchi takes very good care of you and isn't afraid to show you off, even taking jabs at his fellow group mates or rivals that he's hit the jackpot. Chifuyu has heard many a praise about you coming from Mocchi's mouth when they fight, and the rest of Bonten already know who he's talking to on the phone after meetings.

•The most surprising thing to find out about him is that he actually wants to get married. And who wouldn't want the honor of being Kanji Mochizuki's spouse?

×Shion Madarame×

•Having Shion ask you out and he's being 100% serious about it? Ho boy, you're in for an interesting time both during the dating period and during the course of your relationship. Is it too early to joke about keeping this mad dog on a short leash?

•Unfunny jokes aside, keeping Shion on a short leash definitely does not work with him. He needs time for himself, he wants to fight, he wants to beat up and bloody rival gang members, so he expects for you to do something for yourself while he's away.

•He doesn't call when he's out, and while you're not worried he's out cheating, the fact that he shows up at your doorstep with his knuckles all bloody and some smeared on his face is something you may have to get used to, along with the line "That's not my blood." as if that's gonna make it any better.

•Don't get on his case about it. He's not stopping anytime soon and he will get frustrated enough to argue and raise his voice. If you voice your concern, he does take your feelings into consideration after he cools down and makes sure to clean up before seeing you or coming home. He hates arguing with you because he can't stand that hurt look in your eyes because of him.

•It's definitely an "asshole to everyone but you" kind of relationship. He puts effort into keeping it that way, at least. He's really rough around the edges, but he does care for and love you.

•Shion's love language is physical touch. You can put it acts of service if you count his loyalty and willingness to rock anyone's shit that dares disrespect you. Doesn't mind PDA either, he has no objections to letting everyone know who he's with.

•If you can get past that and his arrogant personality, he's a fairly decent partner. Surprisingly doesn't get jealous either. He's more than confident he can knock anyone's teeth out so wear what you want and let him show you off like you're eye candy on his arm.

•When he gets wounded, he won't admit that he finds it endearing whenever you patch him up, but he does mumble a thank you every time you do. Give him a kiss on the nose and he may just tell you to go put on a movie so the two of you can cuddle on the couch.

•There's no being insecure in your relationship. He'll make sure to boast about you and hype you up just like he does his fighting prowess. Do you really think he'd be with just anyone? Hell no. Don't fight him on it either, ain't no way you're winning.

•If you know how to fight and can hold your own, it's a very big turn-on for him. It gets his heart pumping and eager to let out the adrenaline whichever way he can.

#yasuhiro muto #kanji mochizuki #shion madarame #mucho x reader #mocchi x reader #shion x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev headcanons #request #fluff #suggestive #mobile upload