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bredforloyalty · 5 months

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okay what i meant when i said that even the copious amounts of blood didn't satiate me in particular is that the dead wife/nemesis thing was never something i was eager to see explored, just because i think it's something a lot of male characters get? to go through? the ooh i'm so tortured someone took something from me and now i can't help but turn into a monster while i'm on this quest for revenge and being smothered by grief ough i might kill them even or others in gruesome ways and then realize i'm still just as empty

because, i think men often feel the role they must take on as a man or as a father (especially the latter) is a burden, a huge one, where they aren't allowed to sit back or let go or forgive to their own and everyone else's detriment.. and i understand why there is demand for the same type of stories or story elements or arcs, and why they work, and this same overall theme can be present in a story where it's dealt with in an interesting way or where there's love and care involved in the writing process and the characters don't feel like "man pain machine #48" and "generic sensitive character who will cradle mr. man pain's bloody face in their hands (when we want to end this arc and show how good and lovable he actually is)"....

idk i'm just saying it's not even a specific problem i have with male characters that avenge their families or seem like they're defined by anger or by a traumatic event, i do think it can be written lazily and that we've seen it so many times it's a bit worn-out now, but i wouldn't be quick to generalize. it's just that, since we've seen this before (and that's partly why they poked a bit of fun at themselves when in rickmurai jack, rick's dead wife backstory was revealed).. to me it's one of the least interesting aspects of rick? and yet it's clearly important to the writers and they felt they had to tackle this part of his character, really emphasize his unfinished business, or treat it like something that must have a conclusion

for me though, rick's brand of fucked up and evil wasn't compelling because something deeply fucked up happened to him and there's a lot to deal with there and that's cool, it was more compelling to me (iirc) Before knowing much about his past. tbh. i recognized him already, he felt real, his worst side was familiar because a man doesn't need a whole event to become controlling and cruel when dealing with his family... social norms and umm systems sort of already operate within the framework of the patriarchy, i think it's built into our collective ideas of society, concepts of gender and family and the rules those come with.. i liked that about rick, that why he was an asshole wasn't detailed, there was no easy explanation for the way that he was, he just was. and every time they chose to drive home that rick's defined by losing his original family to his own alternate self and that he was still chasing this one guy, it was like, well i thought there were so many other components as well to why he turned out to be who he is. i liked it more when it was mundane, because that's what i see around me, that abuse is rather mundane. and i'm much more interested in the harm he's directly inflicted on his current family and how his past might affect his current life, what might haunt him. so i guess i never wanted prime to be taken care of, each week i find myself thinking that i just want it to be rick and morty and their messed up little relationship up close and personal again

#like‚ prime was cool‚ i liked what he said when he was getting beaten to a pulp i REALLY liked it. c-137 took his life‚ took his #family technically‚ that's interesting. he regenerates‚ we didn't see a body‚ he could totally be coming back‚ that's interesting #i'm just not all that interested in rick's revenge bc for example look at this episode. what did morty do‚ what did this mean for morty?#maybe i'm too mortybrained hxsgvy but i care about him so much it makes me sick i can't just switch it off.. lol...#felt like this could've been framed differently. i would've framed it differently‚ maybe de-center rick's abstract ideas of what's been #taken from him and who's at fault‚ center his ideas of what he has now and how far he's willing to go for his loved ones #i don't know i also wanted to see how r&m worked while hunting prime since rick promised to bring the kid into his darkness #so i was like omg REGRESSION? regression sweep? real animosity when? but we didn't see any of it. but we still might!! if prime's not #really out of the picture. so i won't write that off. i am inclined to forget about it tho and believe there will be no shared darkness #well i will see i'll see the whole season and then reevaluate #kata.txt #rnm

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quickhacked · 1 year

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night city's sweetest little guy

#cp2077 #art:reuben #nuclearocs #nuclearart #rbs encouraged <3 #he is so facking important to me actually #he has only ever known pain and misery and hatred while with maelstrom and yet he still chooses kindness #people tend to be scared of him but that won't stop him. and he keeps an eye on the kids playing in the streets too #to make sure they won't end up getting hurt by gangs. or taken by gangs like how maelstrom took him when he was still a little kid :(#but all is well now :] he's just a little guy fr he fits in my pocket #he still has cyberware that's reminiscent of what maelstrom gave him but it doesn't mean anything #it's just part of his body and there's nothing wrong with it. he likes how he looks! and i'm. very facking normal about that [lying]

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charliespringverse · 8 months

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... it's just hit me that lister describes the bathroom kiss as assault and even when jimmy reassures him that he doesn't see it that way and doesn't have a problem with it, lister refuses to accept that it was anything other than objectively assault

while two days earlier jimmy insisted that a 32-yr-old having sex with lister at age 16 was wrong, despite lister not seeing it that way and not having a problem with it

does that mean that lister took that conversation on board but only as far as "the person on the receiving end of an advance can't accurately assess whether or not it was wrong" and is now equating himself to the woman that took advantage of him . because i will weep

#i am conflicted about the bathroom kiss to an extent #because on the one hand . do not kiss someone without asking dude wtf #but also . the difference in jimmy's response to it compared to the magnet situation which is? relatively similar #w magnet he was 'this is fine'ing his whole way through it and forcing himself to be ok with it and would've likely kept going if—#— lister hadn't interrupted it #whereas in the bathroom he is in an objectively worse mental state & more consistently dissociative despite being sober . yet he actively—#— considers it and almost goes along with it before deciding for Both his and lister's sakes not to #and i think his clarity & consideration there as well as the fact he felt Safe to pull away is meaningful to an extent #because it's one of the only situations this week where he's actually felt & acted on a sense of control over what happens to him #+ lister's immediate reaction being to back off and recognise his being at fault and never once holding it against jimmy #like again . should not have happened do not kiss ppl without asking #but i do find myself viewing it in a very different light to the v comparable magnet situation #anygay i am rambling in tags again when i should be asleep but still #i worry that lister is now viewing himself in the same light as jimmy views the ppl that took advantage of lister #but i Also worry that he is viewing himself as Worse than those ppl bc he can't/won't accept that he was taken advantage of #i do also now kind of want to write a Lister In Therapy oneshot partly just for the catharsis of imagining that boy getting some gd therapy #iwbftreread

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extra-somethin-somethin · 1 month

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hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ...#im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!!#keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots #in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say #and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that #anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared #she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend #now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko #whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble #you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i #and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd #i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke #who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan #to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair #yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair #so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼#the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be #she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that #dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me #the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way #idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it #character analysis #yukimura keiko #yu yu hakusho

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rox-reads · 8 months

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taylor... i hope you pay for their med bills later :(

#worm #parahumans #worm lb #worm33 #ch 11.3 #i keep thinking about how these people are... well they're definitely dangerous assholes who shouldn't be trying this shit #but they don't have powers #and they're mostly desperate people who've been left with nothing after leviathan attacked #and multiple bite bugs like these are potentially fatal and will require timely medical attention #lung almost died from all that and he was superpowered in a way that explicitly helped with this #(though there was armsmaster complicating things in that occasion)#when she fights other villains it's like welp. what can you do if she doesn't do that they're gonna blow her up so go ahead #and when she fights heroes it's like that AND they have a whole institution dedicated to supporting them so they're gonna be taken care of #and taylor always makes sure not to go into lethal territory #but also hospital bills require $$$ and these people don't have $$$#anyway what else is she supposed to do yknow i get it #gotta tell em to fuck off decisively or else they won't and they'll keep harassing people

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dreamlogic · 2 months

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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging

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maudiemoods · 9 months

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I bought a van

#YAYYYYYAYYYAYAYAYYYAYYAYY OMG #i can't believe it #im going through so many emotions because ive never dropped that kind of money before #its 20 years old but its been well taken care of #needs new break pads and rotors though #gonna get that soon ayyyayy #wow #i can't believe this djnwjsjd #imma live inna vann #ren won't shut up

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forgottenamira · 2 months

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Amira, Witch-Queen of Kolchis

headcanon time!! ok so this has the chance to get loooong so imma spare us aLL and bulletpoint this one, but everyone and esp @forgottenedmund as both admin and the other person currently playing a calainon, lmk what you think bc this might just be ~too insane and idk what you have planned etc alskdjflkjsdfjkdf

KOLCHIS & INTRO

house calainon does not exist or, it perhaps once did, but if it ever truly did, the ages have turned its true history to legend and myth

nonetheless, amira and her brothers make claim to that descent through one tenuous proof: witchcraft

while, given her husband's acute hatred of all seers, this might seem a great shock, this is also the truth, and it is (part of) why amira so tenaciously clings to the memory of her grandmother's gift

so real talk, im using kolchis as the place-holder name for the place amira's from (yes i ~did lift that from greek myth and just partially changed the spelling and no i will ~not apologize ;D), but im picturing an ancient athens meets mythological colchis meets constantinople/the byzantine empire w/ just a dash of ptolemaic alexandria sdlkafjskljdfjkdsf gotta grab all my greek-rooted mega cultures ig laksdjfkjlsdf (and yeah im sure the soldiers there def dip into sparta shhhh) so yeahhhh when you picture amira growing up, its that

CALAINON

in ages past, it is written, there once lived a young and ambitious warlord, called calainon, who is said to have conquered the known world (think alexander the great meets achilles meets hercules meets oedipus meets pelops meets atreus etc etc)

many legends speak of this ambitious fellow, holding often that he was the son of a god and a mortal woman, that he was possessed of superhuman strength and skill and daring, and that no mere mortal could stand before him

while there is no certainty, in truth, that this person ever did exist, it is said that he was the founder of the great city of kolchis, which he made the center of his great empire and that he built the still unfinished, storm-struck tower which was, for many eons, the highest building in all the world and called the stair of calainon (as according to legend he had built it as an attempt to reach the heavens and tear the gods from their holy temples in the skies)

there are two versions of the tales of calainon -- one in which he is cast as a tragic hero, and another in which he apears as a twisted villain

known to history both as calainon the deathless (for it is said that he groans still, buried deep in the bowels of the earth, half unable to die as his father was a god and half unable to live as his mother was a mortal) or, more popularly, cursed calainon the balsphemer

it will probs not surprise you to learn that calainon has always been a great hero of roderick's and thus that, tying his own burgeoning legend to the great calainon's, was a very appealing prospect to roderick

many hero-kings, horrific monsters, celebrated seers, cruel despots, and tragic martyrs of myth and legend are said to have descended from the house of calainon, and it is said that the line of calainon will endure until the end of all time for, cursed though they may be, half-gods they once were also

yet, if any of them ever did exist, it is ages past since any of them were known, save one source: local legend of kolchis speaks of the high priestesses of kolchis...

CALAINON THE VILLAIN

often held up as an example of hubris, calainon dared so much that the gods, themselves, stepped in

a great war took place and, it is oft said in kolchis that calainon committed the heresy of not merely daring to lock away the gods -- a heroic act -- but of attempting to steal their power

all of this he attempted w the erstwhile help of the guardian of kolchis known as the kolchian dragon

some myths hold that the great poisonous drake aided him only in sealing away the gods, and he forced the guardian's hand in attempting to steal the power of the gods

but others hold the guardian wished to aid him in both quests

tales disagree as well on how much calainon achieved: did he manage to seize for himself the power of the gods, or did he fail?

all sources agree on one thing however: there was a titanic battle fought amongst the clouds. the earth shook, lightning broke the fortress below, tidal waves sweeping the broken battlements away, and whole islands were drowned in the uproarious fury of the gods

but ultimately, though sealed away, the gods prevailed and cast down the heretic calainon in his hubris, imprisoning him forever beneath the earth

in his defeat, they cursed him, blinded him, and buried him alive, hurled from the heavens into the abyss of the earth (think: fall of lucifer sort of imagery)

in some variants, the gods also cursed his bloodline forever after, but this is another point upon which there are several variants

CALAINON THE HERO & THE HIGH PRIESTESS OF KOLCHIS

one of the many myths of calainon relates to an unending fire and a dragon, and it is in this version of the story (which happens to be roderick's favorite), that calainon appears not as a villain, but as a hero

in this legend, calainon's war with the gods is a fight for freedom, suppressing the deities with the help of kolchis' legendary guardian, known most often as the kolchian dragon

in the tragedy of the great calainon, he fights the gods only to be cast down in their vengeance, but not before sealing them away forever

in this version it is said that his warrior's spirit shall someday be reborn in a new form to lead the world once again (i invite you to guess how roderick might think he could potentially tie into this myth ;DDD)

according to a local legend in the great city of kolchis, before launching his campaign against the gods, calainon as god-king of kolchis appointed his eldest daughter, arsinoe, as high-priestess

she was a great seeress, famed for her wisdom and power, whose responsibility it was to tend the sacred eternal flame at the shrine of the kolchian dragon

hers was a fiery offering to keep the dragon-guardian strong against the fearsome gods, where her female descendants (for in kolchis it is held that a true seer must be a woman) shall forever after continue her great work, tending the eternal flame to assure that it may never go out or the kolchian dragon, the great guardian, will fade to nothing and die and, it is said, upon that day the gods will be unleashed and bring apocalypse upon the mortals who dared give them chains

this flame was a great bonfire at the center of the shrine, so vast that in ancient days, it was said that it could be seen in every part of the old city, a beacon that never went out

according to this legend, it is the divine blood of calainon which gives a seer her powers and, thus, it is believed -- according to this obscure kolchian legend -- that every single kolchian witch may trace her descent back to mighty calainon

A THOUSAND THOUSAND YEARS PASS...

in roderick's day, the most recent high priestess (sometimes called the 'fire-keeper' or 'witch-queen' of kolchis) was none other than the seeress who was amira's grandmother, with amira seemingly destined to be the next high priestess after her

while once the high priestesses of kolchis were revered, regarded almost like oracle of delphi meets melisandre of asshai-type figures, and each was regarded as the chief and best mystical advisor to the so-called god-kings of kolchis (so called bc it was calainon half-god who had established kingship in kolchis)

these priestesses were known as a powerhouses in their own right, the last known vestiages of calainon himself, ruling the hearts of the people of kolchis, and running a powerful temple overflowing with priestesses and acolytes, almost a small religious city within the greater city, itself, leading to them being known to outsiders as the 'witch-queen of kolchis'

yet by the time of amira's birth, the position had centuries since lost any luster, becoming a ruin of its former self

as the old religion faded into only memory anywhere but astaira, the high priestesses came to be despised, an embarrassing reminder of an age of backwater supersticion compared to the cosmopolitan center kolchis had became and wished to be

without the temple economy still running strong, kolchis' stratification intensified, till it was said that in kolchis, the rich fed not on fruits but on the poor

still worse for the temple, itself, nearly a thousand years ago, a war of religion broke out and the temple was sacked, much of it pulled down and the rest -- though marble -- burned (fun fact: marble ~will burn if the fire is hot enough) till all that was left of the erstwhile 'jewel of kolchis' was a crumbling, burned out shell of its former self. still, the high priestesses endured in the slums, and still the eternal flame burned on

the old city, where the ruined temple was located, was now located in the slums and grime of kolchis amongst its most dangerous dark corners

there, only the lost or the most daring would venture: the ruinous temple of the dragon and its keepers were seen as a supersticious and untrustworthy lot who lurked in the shadows, preying upon unsuspecting tourists

pick-pockets, liars, and harlots who played at mysticism and fortune telling to make off with valuables and steal souls, so the supersticion ran, for their dark, twisted magic

THE LIFE & TIMES OF AMIRA CALAINON

it is with this reputation and in this situation that amira and godfrey grew up, doing their utmost to protect little tristan from the sad truth of the world around them

their father had disappeared when tristan was a babe at the breast, likely murdered in the dangerous streets where they lived, while fleeing with what few valuables the family had left

their mother, the high priestess's only child, died of the pox while her children were still quiet small

thus, though blind and decrepit, it fell to their grandmother to raise her grandchildren

not thinking much of men in general, and regarding the sight as the realm of women anyway, as the kolchian culture long had held, the grandmother relied largely upon amira, training her in what arts she could with the expectation that, someday, amira's magic would show itself

a true believer, her grandmother was sure that, as the last female calainon, amira must be a witch or else the line of high priestesses would die with the grandmother, herself, unless amira were to produce a seer for a daughter

not wishing to surrender her only utility to an unborn daughter who may never even arrive, amira did her best to play along as a witch

a thing which exulted her in her grandmother's eyes who, though she loved her grandchildren fiercely, regarded only other seers as her equals

amira learned to read bones and fires and stars for potential futures (or at least to guess at them)

she learned to read people and 'see' in their futures what they wanted

she learned trickery and slight of hand and, perhaps most of all, she learned about poisons

such things were sacred to the kolchian dragon, known for poisonous fangs and breath and fire hot enough to melt the bones even of beings divine and cold as winter

meanwhile, living in extreme poverty, godfrey and amira learned to lie, to steal, to spy, and to cheat simply in order to subsist

RODERICK

by the time roderick invaded, things were desperate indeed

the star of the cosmopolitan center of kolchis, even, was well into its decline

kolchis had become so corrupt and top heavy that the rich knew little at all of what their ppl suffered -- and cared even less -- living in sublime luxury while everything they sat upon rotted beneath them

still, the god-king was eager to keep what little was left of his so-called empire, now reduced only to a single city

it was soon quite clear that kolchis was roderick's target

the god-king sent many troops to die in vain upon the teeth of roderick's armies, but nothing he did would hold the young would-be conqueror back

at last, with roderick upon him, the god-king ordered the impregnable gates of kolchis closed and laid in wait for a siege

the people in the streets began to starve -- and soon enough amira's own grandmother succumbed

but watching their grandmother slowly die, amira and godfrey had already long since sprung into action, lying and deceiving their way into the palace as servants

there they watched and listened and plotted, aligning themselves with a growing restless movement amongst the poor who meant to tear their god-king down w them

so it was that the common ppl stormed the god-king's castle, killing his guards and his ministers and hanging their bodies from the high walls and trees of of kolchis (yes this is a golden fleece reference)

ultimately, guided by amira and godfrey who knew the freedom fighters of kolchis could not possibly overpower roderick, the god-king's head was delivered to roderick as a gift, and the gates opened to him, inviting him inside as their celebrated and longed-for emperor, with amira as the chief intermediary sent to treat with him given her status as high priestess of kolchis

seeing an opportunity, amira immediately set about seducing the emperor, cleopatra and anne boleyn-style

while also taking full advantage of the local legend she'd heard from her grandmother, and introducing herself as amira calainon, supposedly acknowledged descendant of calainon, the first god-king of kolchis

she was willing to bet, afterall, that roderick probably admired and wished to associated with himself. she wasn't wrong.

so she brought him a head and a crown of laurel leaves and slowly made herself a queen

amira crowned roderick king of kolchis (roderick abolishing all use of the term 'god-king'), herself, in her role as high priestess of kolchis, in the sight of all the kolchians, at the ancient temple of the dragon which roderick had had esp restored for the event

before her marriage, she appointed an acting high priestess to keep the eternal flame burning

which roderick permits as a cultural tradition relating to the cultural hero, calainon, his own relative by marriage

a connection sealed with the birth of their son, edmund

VENGEANCE -- OR FEAR

to be clear, amira is not in love with roderick (they have some weird twisted thing that i could write its own novella on probs but that's for another time), he is the means to an end. for one thing, with one move she had gone from desperately clinging to survival in the slums to one of the richest and most powerful women in the known world, but this was not her only goal in wedding roderick.

amira wants money, she wants power, and she wants revenge. she wants vengeance on roderick, as she blames him (as well as the god-king of kolchis, but she's already wreaked her vengeance upon ~him) for the death of her grandmother, the only person besides godfrey who ever really looked out for amira, and certainly the only one who ever saw smth superior to all others in her.

she also wants revenge against all those -- and even the symbols of those -- who held her head underwater so long so that they, themsleves, could breathe

amira enjoys, endorses, and encourages all of roderick's worst traits bc his zest for conquest is a weapon she wields against the rest of the world. now ~she's the the one holding ~their heads underwater. bitch.

but most of all she wants revenge upon the world for allowing any of it to happen

she means to wait a long time to avenge herself on roderick, himself. when she is ready, he will die, as will all of his children save her own, and edmund will reign at last, and they will finally, finally be untouchable.

in the end, however, even amira's quest for vengeance is rooted in the deep horror she cannot face, the fear that she, too, will be conquered, defeated, helpless, and left to starve to death w the only ppl she truly loves in the fetid streets, just like the only woman who ever loved her.

however, she seeks always to project strength (even to herself!), as it is an armor, her last line of defense, to prevent this from happening, so she will stop at nothing, doing literally whatever it takes, to see her goals met bc then and only then will she be truly safe, or at least as safe as anyone in this world can ever be, with edmund as emperor

as a result, she is always quick to remind herself that it is vengeance and not safety she truly seeks -- but is that really true?

#ooc #about #edmund varmont #godfrey calainon #tristan calainon #roderick varmont #all this also made me think abt an au where she gives into roderick and becomes his official mistress instead of his queen #in that au edmund is his fav kid who he holds over the heads of his other children threatening to legitimize and disinherit them #in that au amira ultimately does poison the empress (so that roderick can marry ~her) but it takes far longer bc she has much less access #so she finally gets her at a big event where as a result dozens of other ppl are always poisoned #to this day roderick still believes ~he was the real target #amira does successfully persuade him to take her as his second wife but then there's strife at court as to whether edmund was legitimized #when they married or if only children born after their marriage can be seen so and ofc roderick won't way in #amira starts poisoning his legit kids as a result only for her to learn that he has now taken marian as his mistress #convinced that marian will kill amira the way amira killed the first empress she poisons her as well #but now her children suspect foul play and factions at court start whispering abt the fate of roderick's first empress #so w all these pressures amira decides to have another child and thus she gives her own son a rival for his future throne #idk where it all goes from there but yeah my brain really went wild on that one huh lakjsdflkjsdjf #ANYWAYYYYY #have her bg ig

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rotzaprachim · 1 year

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i think the beach sequence is fascinating too in light of how many buzzy beach location sights anglo tourists flocked to in the 60′s-90′s (hypothetically when this show i guess would kind of be set??) in latin america, the caribbean, spain, and portugal that had that buzzy hyper capitalist tourists lying on blankets vibez whilst having right wing authoritarian dictatorships. palm trees and espadrilles can happen in the same place as people being violently disapeared and sent to labour camps. a man walks out of his hotel room to buy snacks for a one night stand to be immediately profiled and accused of another man’s crimes. (the crime is anti-imperial speech.) it isn’t just genius writing but quite a pointed reference

#andor #andor meta #niamos #i'm not an expert on latin american or iberian history so feel free to correct me but like #i thought it was a deeply horrifying aspect of the empire that makes. well of course #like aesthetics won't save you from authoritarianism. that can all happen with sun and surf #furthermore something something to say about the tourism industry often being a part of the economic schema of repressive governments #the push they have to try to quote corral the seedly problem (working class people and locals) to bring in that tourist moolah #and how tourism can function as part of their #money making apparatus. like knowing there's a tacky beach resort in the same place people get taken to labour camps #YEAH YEAH

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nvzblgrrl · 18 days

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Discussion about animal death under the cut, just gotta vent this.

idk if it's a case of bad luck or what, but the fact that I have to spell out that me losing my emotional support animal the day before my birthday, psyching myself up to adopt a new one over the course of three months, adopting a bonded pair of kittens (half a year old so fairly health stable as far as that age range tends to be) from a local shelter to fill that role (not to mention that said shelter made me take an extended survey about appropriate cat care and do an interview to get even considered as an adopter for them, which, while nerve-wracking in its own way, at least made me think that they knew what they were doing), and then me having to take one of those kittens in for an emergency vet visit that ended in euthanasia inside of two weeks because the shelter not only neglected to mention that one of them had END STAGE KIDNEY/LIVER FAILURE but told me, explicitly, not to take them to a vet for a couple weeks because 'any problems are just them settling into their new home' is fucking me up emotionally to multiple people in my alleged 'support network' is probably doing as much, if not more psychological damage than losing the cat is.

Like, I got why my older cat died. She had a heart murmur and a lot of other health problems that put her on a timer. It was emotionally upsetting but I could be understanding about it because I knew why. It wasn't 'unfair'. But I was not prepped emotionally for one of my new cats to beef it at light speed without warning. I was ready for growing pains. Adjustments. Not literally having his introductory vet visit end with 'euthanasia is the only responsible and ethical option for this cat. Anything else would be shooting money on a sliver of a chance' after a week and a half of having the cat in the first place.

But really, the one-two punch on this was having my support network taking the routes of either 'well, it's just a cat, that's like... what? One step up from a stuffed animal right? They're completely interchangeable, I don't see why you care this much' or 'k, call me back when you're not emotionally exhausting. Maybe after you get into that show I told you about we'll have something to talk about'.

Like fuck, and they wonder why it's an effort to trust them with anything emotionally heavy.

#literally the only people who haven't dicked me on this are the vet's office because they are Pissed about the shelter doing this #like they were actively trying to call them while I was waiting with the cat in the office #they straight up said they'd try to get the shelter to refund me for as much of the sitch as possible #because they found the situation That Objectionable #the funny part was that part of the 'interview' was giving them my vet office's contact info so they could check with them on my past pets #yes the office where i've taken both my pets for 10 years who know that I'm very invested in keeping my pets well maintained #and more importantly Not A Moron About Animal Husbandry #so trying to rotate this to be an 'adopter' issue won't work

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copperyy · 1 month

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>__>

#talk #i think i'm gonna drop all but one course this semester in order to get properly medicated #+ catch up on some Essential Life Skills that i'm missing (that most people learned in their teens ahaha)#i've gamed it out. given it ample consideration. i'd rather ruin my semester plans than ruin my overall gpa #esp. since i have to maintain a certain number to transfer out of here lmao. if that wasn't the case it'd be 'Cs get degrees babey B)'#some people can make it through college with unmedicated/unaccommodated adhd. but not me! i suck at this!!#have also learned that i actually... miss? in-person classes? at our little downtown campus??#online classes were nice in theory but Once Again My Friends Were Right. some things should not be taken online #... man. i'm still trying to justify this to myself. the guilt of 'failing again' is eating at me #but so is trying to deal with this fuckass [subject redacted] class. worst subject + no office hours + prof won't email me back + L #+ no late work allowed. my prof last semester was right when she said i should pick someone w/ a lax late work policy lmao #... mmm. well! well well well.#my sleep schedule is so fucked. i need a passport. i want to draw again. meds. whatever. it'll be fine

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strozzaprete · 9 months

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in any case i'm glad that despite my addictive personality and my active addiction to cigs and weed (which has been going on for a very long while) and the fact that i have done at least 10 different hard drugs in my life multiple times and had a great time every time NEVER in my life would i take hard drugs every day. like that sounds like the most exhausting shit ever

#so yeah when i have good company and jack shit to do in the morning and it's a good event i will take molly #but i physically can't go raving every weekend (not even like 3 times a month tbh lmao)#nor do i take molly or other drugs every time i go raving or dancing #i've refused coke countless times and i straight up don't do ketamine anymore #and yeah they always say never to do drugs alone bla bla bla #but i've done every drug i've ever taken alone as well as with other people #still i don't feel like buying more right after #and this has been going on since 2019 so i know i won't get addicted #thankfully

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knifegremliin · 9 months

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HEARTBREAKING! man has worst headache known to man but can't take anything for it because he already took meds for a headache earlier and cannot take any more for the day

#🔪.text #aaaand this is exactly why i almost never take meds for headaches anyway #because knowing my luck i will take meds for a more minor headache earlier in the day in hopes to stop it before it hits hard #only to end up with a much worse headache later in the day that i now can no longer take anything for #because i have already taken as many as i can in a 24 hour period #''oh why don't you just not take the max dosage the first time then''#because if i don't most likely they won't do shit #honestly even taking the max dose sometimes doesn't even work #it technically didn't this morning because i have had a headache all day #it just was more tolerable earlier in the day #but now i feel like my head is gonna split open or explode. not sure which.#i get a headache like this at least once a week now it seems #and meds only work like. half of the time.#if even half.#it seems like most of the time they never do anything #hence why most of the time i don't even bother and just suffer #because if i do take anything well there's a high chance they won't even work and so i will just continue to suffer #and it'll just be a waste of meds #so why bother trying.#hm. realizing now that's probably not normal is it

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hyperfixation-tangentopia · 5 months

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When you're on a time crunch but your (presumably) ADHD brain decides "fuck you I want to write"

#and NO this is not a time crunch I can be flexible on and YES I literally have to do it and NO there's nobody here to help #we've established I function best under pressure BUT APPARENTLY THIS ISN'T PRESSURE ENOUGH #kill me #also I have like. 2-3 days min 2 weeks max to somehow get my dog to walk well enough on a leash that he won't pull on distractions #harder than it sounds #especially because I'm working off of YT videos without help #(I'm trying to look at trainers for help but A I will be completely alone in paying those expenses for a while)#(and B I don't know where to look except for local pet store that we don't have the gas to spare to drive to rn)#vent in the tags #umm yeah #I'm fine this is fine everything's fine #I want to stop existing and sit in bed chewing on peanut butter and doing nothing all day #but I'm determined to kick SAD in the butt this year (also my half-brother will get on my ass if I do that) so FUCK IT #I've taken my dog out and am trying to find someone to VC/call and am writing instead #FFFFFF #*dying*

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softquietsteadylove · 1 year

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Kinda missing the Ice Queen/Tyrant King AU!

Maybe you can write something where Gilgamesh and Thena are in a business meeting with some powerfull people but they are disrespecting and insulting them both greatly (especially Thena) so Gil truly gets angry. You decide if he destroys something or hits someone. An anger never seen before wich even surprises Thena.

It started out reasonably within expectation.

Some old associates of Gil and his family were coming into town, looking to procure some American 'goods' for their business at home in Korea. The negotiations made sense to hold between the visiting associates and Thena and Gil collaboratively.

They had met in Gil's office, in Koreatown. Negotiations went smoothly and it seemed that everyone was on the same page about how business would be conducted going forward.

And then they got a little too 'friendly'.

Word had spread back in Korea about Gil and his sham of an engagement. The Little Heiress and her family had not taken it lightly, airing their disagreement with Gil's entire family all too openly. The family had their reputations to worry about and apparently Gil was being labelled as a failure and embarrassment to the family and its business.

And yet somehow what they had to say about Thena was even worse.

They seemed to be under the impression that she wouldn't understand what they were saying in Korean. And while she hadn't extrapolated every single word exchanged, she understood more than enough to hear them cracking jokes about her being a whore.

"That's enough," Gil advised them, and in English--in no mood to entertain their gossiping (shit talking).

"Come on, Hyung," they both snickered while Thena merely sat there. "The only one who's a bigger slut than you in this situation is her!"

Thena kept quiet.

"Yeah, you chose this one over the Heiress?" the other one barked in laughter. "Great tits, I guess, but a little bony, no?"

"You say one more word about her," Gil growled at them, his fists clenching audibly.

"The fucking better be good--and I mean 'better than daddy's money' good!"

Gil rose from his chair slowly, an expression on his face like nothing Thena had ever seen before. And she had seen him work--he had seen her work. But this... "You don't talk about my wife like that."

"Please," the other snorted, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Thena's chair, blessedly separate from the small couch the two men were sharing. "This bitch? I don't know what kind of spell she put on you with that puss-"

Thena blinked, her hair rustling from the speed with which Gil had crossed the distance from between his desk and landed a punch dead centre in the speaker's face. He toppled over the back of the couch and rolled on the rug a few times, already screaming about his shattered nose cartilage and the bone being scrunched into his skull.

She had heard the impact of bone on bone.

The other one looked at Thena, who was as cold as ice (obviously). He looked at Gil, holding up his hands. "Okay, okay, look, we took it too far. We-"

"Apologise."

Thena barely moved her eyes as the man knelt down in front of her, begging her pardon for his words.

"Beg," Gil commanded, pressing his shoe against the man's head, driving him closer to the floor.

"Please, Ice Queen," the stranger snivelled, truly and deeply afraid of the wrath of the Tyrant King. "I beg your forgiveness."

Thena looked up at Gil, who was visibly deciding whether or not to crush in the head of the man like a can of beer. She drew her lace up around her shoulders, utterly unfazed as his business partner continued to writhe in agony behind them. "It's up to Gilgamesh."

"Hyung," the man cried, his head still being held down by Gil's foot, "p-please, I'll never--I'll never speak badly of your wife again!"

"You're right," Gil acquiesced, stepping off his head and dragging him up to his knees by his hair to look him in the eye. "You'll never speak disrespectfully about her again. And just as a form of insurance-"

They all knew what was coming: the prepayment--the deposit, as it were.

Gil wound back for a full force swing, punching the guy so squarely in the throat he choked and gagged, his adam's apple seeming to completely crumble into his neck.

Thena looked over at the mess of a meeting, both men writhing in pain, unable to speak or perhaps even breathe. "They'll make a mess of your floor."

Gil swiped his swinging fist off with his pocket square and tossed the handkerchief down onto the head of the one struggling the most to breathe. "So I'll tell their escorts to take them to the hospital instead of the hotel."

Thena remained seated, watching with a mild expression as he paged his building reception to do just that, also muttering about a carpet cleaning service to come for blood and whatever other substances were expelled while the men were fighting for their lives.

Gil sighed, ending the call and leaning on his desk. He looked up at Thena.

She loosened her lace just faintly. "I don't know if I've ever seen you so angry. And I heard about the threat you made to Eros to send him across the pond again."

"Yeah, but you didn't see it," he chuckled, although his usual lightness hadn't quite returned to him yet. "And I think you and I both have every right to be mad about the things they said about you."

"Like what?" Thena asked facetiously, having understood a minimum of 90% of it.

"Nice try, Princess," Gil managed a smile, walking out from his desk again and going to her side. He leaned on the armrest of her singular chair (he was never going to let those slime balls sit close enough to be within arm's reach of her). "I know you know what they were saying."

She thought she had kept her learning Korean concealed from him. But there would be time to worry about what gave her away later; she smiled up at him coyly, "Gilgamesh, being a woman in any business requires becoming accustomed to being called a slut and a harlot and any variation thereupon. They said nothing I haven't heard before."

"Well I couldn't let them say it when I was here," he grumbled, tapping the side of her elbow where her lace was resting, only to slip his hand under it and up to her bare shoulder. "Sorry."

Thena gave him a raise of her brow, "I think you rather like it when I let you act all macho and territorial."

"Let me?" he snickered before leaning down to kiss her cheek, whispering with his lips all but pressed against her skin. "I am macho, and territorial."

Thena allowed the gentle affection, despite not being entirely alone for it. Or perhaps it was because the evidence was so abundant that this man was willing to do absolutely anything for her, and her honour. She lifted a hand, patting his cheek lightly, "a bit of a showoff, is what you are."

Gil pulled back and offered a small smirk, but it was a hint of his genuine smile, at least. "Well, did it work?"

#Ice Queen/Tyrant King AU #Gil would never allow anyone to talk about his Thena like that #Thena just there like #well they're men and they barely respect the women in your family #I didn't expect them to have good things to say about me #but Gil is like well they damn well better #they do get taken to the hospital #they both need reconstructive surgery #and Gil's family is like will you please stop destroying our connections with other crime families #and he's like no #friendship ended with my family my new best friend is my wife #also he knows that she's been working on her Korean #because every once in a while #when she thinks he isn't looking (which he always is)#she won't mask her reaction to what he's saying in a meeting or over the phone or whatever #that and she's not very good at hiding her smile when he compliments her #which he thinks is super cute #it's why he didn't say anything sooner #because he likes saying sweet things about her in Korean #and watching her have to pretend she doesn't understand him #calling her the most beautiful woman in the world #or calling her his dove #or his snow angel #these two idiots #work spouses to actual spouses relationship evolution at its peak

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