#it’d be easier for me to tell you the stuff I don’t like lol

[cupofangst]

Let this be a mark of stupid/random things in your ask box-- an actual question to start though.

Favorite House of Ashes AU concept AND/OR Favorite HOA headcanon?

That is all (for now dun dun dun) 👁〰👁💛

Ok, so I've been sitting on this ask for hours, wracking my brain on a way to answer and to be honest...I still don't think I have an answer for you xD

I know, silly, since this is such an easy question for most people, but honestly, when it comes to AUs, I'm incredibly picky. Most AUs I just don't have any interest in. Things like time period AUs, or Mer AUs and the like just don't do it for me, and I'm usually not going to have any interest in an AU that's based off a movie or TV show that i've never seen, and there's a lot of AUs like that in this fandom. So...I wish I had an answer for that one. Although I really liked @writtenjewels Beauty and the Beast AU.

I guess if I had to pick SOMETHING, it would actually be more of an alternative scenario situation than an actual alternate universe concept, and that would be the one where Jason just goes home with Salim instead of them doing their stupid 'Hugs are too gay apparently' handshake and going their separate ways because fuck that shit.

As for HCs, there's nothing interesting that comes to mind i'm afraid. My poor monkey brain might need more specifics on that one, otherwise smokes just gonna come out of my ears from me thinking too hard. For example: 'Do you headcanon Salim as being blah blah blah, or blah blah blah?' That sort of thing XD Sorry, there's pretty much no thoughts in my head, just a monkey playing the cymbals up there.

#house of ashes #ask #it’d be easier for me to tell you the stuff I don’t like lol #like I know there’s things I like #they just aren’t coming to me

[k1ngdom-of-thieves]

Hi there! can you do headcanons for the housewardens of Night Raven College finding out MC is a girl?

MC has short boyish looking hair (for example 👇)

And MC is always wearing a boy uniform around the school, so everyone there though MC was a boy. Except for Grim and Crowley.

Until one day, all of MC's other clothes were dirty, so she had to wear the out she was wearing when she got teleported to NRC.

Then Crowley asked MC to deliver something to one of the dorms. And when MC sees the surprise look on the housewardens' faces, she's just like "Yeah I'm a girl, but what's with that look? You and everyone else already knew that."

I’m so sorry you had to wait so long for this, my twst OC has a similar story to this lol

Dorm leaders + finding out reader is a girl

Riddle Rosehearts (chapter 1 spoilers, just wanna cover my tracks)

Riddle was completely blindsided. He had no idea that the NRC allowed girls to be in the school, but then realized that your case was a very special one.

He was a bit ashamed about having you witness his overblot. Not that he wasn’t before but his mother taught him to be nothing if not respectful to a girl. One of the only things she did right.

He started acting a bit more “gentlemanly” to make up for his previous blunder. He held the door open for you, offered to carry the items for you, it was kinda weird to say the least.

You had to tell him to dial it back and that you liked him the way he was before. That’s when he gets it through his mind that he was over exaggerating quite a bit.

“I apologize for my prior behavior. I-I mean, I’m sorry for assuming that you were a male. It was very crude of me.”

Leona Kingscholar

Leona had a bit of an idea that you weren’t a man but it wasn’t his place to comment, nor did he care all that much anyway. When you appeared in Savanaclaw, he was more amused than anything else.

He was glad his suspicions were confirmed, though he thought it amusing how you assumed it was common knowledge. Although just seeing how everyone treated you like one of the guys should’ve shown you otherwise.

He has Ruggie take whatever you were delivering, his family would kill him if they thought he was letting a woman do the heavy lifting. Ruggie is more than pissed.

Asks you if you plan to wear anymore “feminine” clothing after this. He doesn’t mind if you do or don’t, he just feels that it would be a very unique change of pace for an “all boys” college.

“Do you want to wear stuff like this more often? It’d be pretty funny seeing your friends react to your getup.”

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul was definitely caught off guard. He’s not gonna show it though, he pretends that everything’s fine even though he’s beyond confused.

He takes the updated menus from you and makes small talk with you while sorting them. Little things like how your day was, the weather, if you were always a girl or if he’s losing his mind.

Asks if being in the NRC has been a comfortable experience. It must be quite isolating being the only person in a dorm, the only magicless person and the only girl in this school. If you need anything, he’d be more than happy to make a deal with you.

Wonders if there’s anyone else that knows about you being a girl. When you tell him that you’ve only had to tell Crowley and Grim because you thought it was obvious he feels a small sense of pride being one of the few.

“Well then, please remember that if you need anything to make your life here easier, we at the Monstro Lounge are more than happy to assist.”

Kalim Al Asim

Kalim was taken by complete surprise when you showed up to Scarabia in that outfit. It’s hot as balls there so I don’t blame you tbh. He does the dramatic “WHAAAT” thing and everything.

Bombards you with questions. He doesn’t mean anything bad by it, he’s just confused about how this was right in front of him the whole time.

He has a bunch of sisters so he has a slight understanding on how girls differ from guys but he’s never had to use that info in his day-to-day life. He makes up for his lack of understanding the same way he deals with other things he has a hard time with; with pure enthusiasm.

Kalim asks if there’s anything you need, anything at all. From practical things like new clothes and food, to less normal requests like new pets or entertainment. Jamil overheard at this point and told him to relax.

“I can’t believe you’ve been a girl this whole time!! You definitely fooled me ya know!”

Vil Schoenheit

Vil had no idea you were a woman but he wasn’t going to let that change how he treated you. He still spoke to you like it was a normal day and and even insulted talked shit about Crowley not getting you enough clothing.

He’s honestly more offended about your lack of a closet. He refuses to let it go. He also offers to let you have some skincare products that didn’t work that well with him. He won’t be offended if you don’t accept his offer, if you were Epel that would be a different story however.

The rest of your visit is mostly him offering to help you in different ways, like going shopping for clothes with you or picking out different accessories for you to borrow. You’re lucky he likes you so much.

Like I said before, he doesn’t change much of how he treats you; you’re still the prefect of ramshackle after all. He knows you can handle his harsher demeanor.

“While you’re here, would you like to have some moisturizer that was sent for me to review? It’s unused and I despise letting things go to waste.”

Idia Shroud

Idia was completely surprised when you showed up to his dorm with a package. First of all, you were IN his dorm and secondly, YOU WERENT A DUDE??

Ortho had to come in and check up on his brother because he was staring into space for so long. Ortho knew you were a girl but that’s another can of worms. He’s fine physically but mentally will be something else for a while.

Your gonna have to talk to Ortho about whatever it is you needed to deliver, it’s pretty funny seeing the difference in their reactions.

Will not be able to form a coherent sentence for a while, he still needs to process that what he thought was true was actually a lie. He’s so dramatic

“There’s nothing wrong with you being a girl, but it’s just surprising seeing that it’s an all boys school. Not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-you-being-here-someone-please-shut-me-up.”

Malleus Draconia

Malleus also had absolutely no idea that you were a girl, but he doesn’t seem to be too shocked. Human fashions change very rapidly so he just assumed it was that.

Takes whatever you were delivering and offers for you to stay at the dorm for a little while longer. Lilia’s on cooking duty tonight and was really excited about you tasting his food. Run while you still can

The words he uses doesn’t change but the tone he uses is a little softer than before. He was raised to always treat a lady with respect. Even if he’s watched you deal with several overblots and have already earned his respect.

He wonders if all of the other students did know that you were a girl and this was just another thing he was left out on. You have to snap him out of his negative thoughts before he gets all grouchy for the rest of the day.

“Oh! My apologies, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just unaware that I was the only one that didn’t know this about you.”

#twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst imagines #riddle rosehearts x reader #twst riddle #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar x reader #twst leona #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto x reader #twst azul #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim x reader #twst kalim #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit x reader #twst vil #vil schoenheit #twst idia #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #twst malleus #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader

[forsakensword-if]

Hey, I just discovered this and well, considering just how obsessed I am with angel stories, I had to follow immediately.

Unsurprisingly considering my tastes, Lucifer is the RO I'm interested in, but I have a few questions about their romance. - Is this romance "easier" or "harder" to achieve with a Michael who has a certain personality or another? I'm planning on doing a pretty benevolent character though I will iron the details once I can actually play the game. - I was thinking on having a character who would turn their back on God after a while, but is this mandatory in order to actually romance Lucifer? - And on that matter, is the disposition towards humans linked to MC's loyatly towards their creator? Because I would love my character to remain benevolent towards humans regardless of the rest. - I believe a member of the "friend group" is a fallen/demon hunter right? How does that... impact the romance with Lucifer. And the other way around too - wouldn't romancing them break that one specific friendship? - Lucifer seems possessive of Michael, but I wonder how does it show? Like, do they actively say stuff like Michael belonging to them unprompted and from the very start of the story, or is this only an opinion they keep to themself? Mostly wondering since I'm curious about the possible dynamics between them. - Is it possible to have a preexisting crush on them? I mean, decide by the start of the game the MC had a crush on them for a while.

Yeah, it's a very specific series of questions (I hope none has been answered already, tumblr hasn't been cooperating with me). Thanks for taking your time to check these and answer them if you can! Have a great day!

hello! i hope i answered these sufficiently, and thank you for the interest!

under the cut because this is kinda long.

1. lucifer will want michael no matter what personality you choose to play with. you could play the sweetest michael or the darkest michael, it wouldn’t make a difference in getting their route.

2. no, however you decide to feel about god, that won’t change lucifer’s opinion on michael. nor will it change their opinion on god.

3. that will be for you to decide. some michael’s might remain benevolent to humans even after they turn their back on god and some might have only been benevolent towards humans because they had to be.

4. not really. arik is very aware of michael and lucifer’s more complicated relationship and while he’s protective of michael, he understands that some things are just beyond his understanding. michael’s feelings for lucifer being one of them. also not many hunters tend to go after lucifer, they’re far too powerful and generally keep the others in line. also arik falls for noor so it’d be a bit hypocritical of them lol.

5. to begin with, no. it’s lucifer’s pov that will allow you to see their possessiveness at first (for those who don’t read povs, you can be just as surprised (or not) by it as michael). they show it more with actions rather than words, but when lucifer loses their temper or gets scared for michael’s life, that’s when they start straight up telling michael that they belong to them.

6. that is possible! it will also be possible to decide whether your michael became ashamed of their crush on lucifer after they fell. however, you will not have the option to have told lucifer about how you feel pre-fall.

hope you also have a great day!

#ask #tfs.lucifer

[dumb-doll-lips]

girl stand the fuck up 😭 it’s embarrassing to let a man tell you what to do what the fuck is wrong with you

lol totally can’t help but think it’d be fun to have a man tell me how to reply to this ask. But your just getting me.

And like having someone tell me what to do is way nice. Like am wanting more of it. It’s really nice when it’s a good man. Like my life has improved in a bunch of ways. Having help and guidance and stuff is so nice. I don’t get not wanting that, makes things much easier.

#ask

[honeyblockm]

me and at least five other people on here (that i've seen): if no apocalypse on the dsmp then i will simply create it myself

anyways there is no title for this but the premise is eggnap and tfw you and your fiance (the one that hates you) have your other fiance locked up in the amongus bunker so he won't hurt anyone or run back to the egg while you guys desperately try to heal him of being possessed by the egg. also the world ended lol. except karl's not in this one he is out gathering resources n stuff during this scene.

I have a few thoughts on how the egg functions. as an entity. i didn't edit anything if anything looks weird just look away shhhhhh

: : :

“Quackity.” Sapnap’s voice echoes in the tiny corridor of the bunker. “Quackiteee.”

The way he says the name is still the same-- careful, warm, the syllables held the way he might cup a firefly in his hands --even if his intonation has dampened, more and more of his words twisted into something angrier. Crueler. Quackity tries not to let that ache. He’s had a lot of practice these past weeks, but he’s found it doesn’t make it easier.

“What? No words for your dear fiance?”

Quackity’s hand drops to one of the potion bottles strapped to his belt. Weakness, holy water. Weakness first-- unpleasant as it might be, it won’t hurt the way the water does. 

“You’re not Sapnap.”

“What?” Sapnap laughs. “What, man? I mean, it’s not like I got zombified or anything. It’s still me. Just a little redder.”

Quackity turns to look at him: the messy locks that have fallen out of his buns, red veins reaching up his cheeks, curling over the healed shadow of the scrapes he’d gotten in Quackity and Karl’s attempts to fight him off or subdue him. Sapnap’s moved from the back wall to the iron bars in the front, pressing his face against the metal and grinning wide enough to show his sharpened canines. The same ones he brings a finger up to poke at now.

“And the teeth, I guess, but I bet you think they’re hot.”

“I do not think the teeth are hot.”

“You totally do.”

“Did you think I would just-- just-- I know who I got engaged to.” Quackity nearly falters. Does he? “It’s not you. You’re not him.” Quackity drops down until he’s face to face with Sapnap. “And whatever the hell you are, I’m going to drag you out of there and make you wish you never touched him.” 

Sapnap scoffs. “You really don’t know anything about the Crimson, do you?”

“You tried to kill me.”

“I wasn’t going to kill you! Was just gonna take you to the Egg, I mean it’s not an egg anymore, but then you’d be with me! Instead of sitting around in this basement all grumpy and fighting with Karl.” 

“Oh, that’s so much better, isn’t it? Just let myself get fucked over by some creepy.. Plant thing.” 

“C’mere.” Sapnap sticks a hand out through the bars, motioning for Quackity to come closer. Against his better judgment, Quackity does, and Sapnap reaches as far as he can to just trace his fingertips over his cheek. “It’d make you happy.”

“Are you happy?” Quackity asks. Sapnap draws circles over the skin under his eyes, featherlight. He’s tempted to close them.

“I mean, I’ve just spent more time in a room with you than I have in months.”

“Sapnap.”

The man in question shifts, like he could physically press any closer than he already has. His hands stall, sliding down Quackity’s face. “You know the Egg-- Crimson, whatever --asks you to let it in? To actually join it, you have to say yes. You have to make that choice.”

“Why?” 

Sapnap shrugs. “Even now, I can sort of feel it settled inside me. It’s the same as the vines in the trophy room, as the mushrooms finding a way to grow out of the sand above us. I don’t think you can take it out of me, Q. It tells you it can give you what you’re craving for, and it’s right.” 

He turns his gaze back to Quackity, offering him a smile smaller than the rest. Sapnap’s eyes are still the same color as the day he really noticed them for the first time, cool and dark. Quackity lets him guide his face closer, until Sapnap can cup it in his hands. It's the perfect distance for getting his face bitten off, or grabbed and bashed against the walls, but Quackity doesn’t pull away. He hasn’t been touched like this in so long.

“I was alone, and now I’m not. But no, I’m not happy. Not until you and Karl are too. You know that, yeah?”

Quackity can’t nod, can’t bring himself to push past the dam that’s formed in his throat or the rapidly unspooling knot of grief that’s appeared in his chest so suddenly. 

Perhaps Sapnap’s already found the answer he’s looking for, though, because he tugs gently on Quackity’s jaw. Quackity lets himself get pulled forward until there’s nothing separating the two of them, not even the iron bars that Sapnap has stubbornly jammed his face through. A brighter time and Quackity might have laughed at him for how silly he looks, and Karl would join him, and then they’d get rid of the bars because they didn’t need them. 

Instead Sapnap presses a kiss to his nose and Quackity realizes they are well and truly fucked, the way you resign yourself to all the blood and death halfway through a horror movie, dread and fear and hope all at once.

“We’ll fix this.” He looks away to hide his tears. “We will.”

#dream smp #sapnap #c!sapnap #quackity #c!quackity #quacknap #yens #my writing #awwww theyre cute. giggling kicking my legs on my bed (that i am finally in) while writing these notes #anyways how much of this is sapnap speaking and how much of it is the crimson speaking is up to your interpretation #i mean. i know. but the mystery's the fun of it! whoo! #because there is a part of it (however small or large it may be) that is sapnap/the egg trying to manipulate quackity into joining. #but also possession looks pretty different even on the same person during different periods of time so sapnap is also here #this was actually meant to be a lot less sad and gentle and more oooh evil egg. evilnap. sapnap was originally meaner but that doesnt feel #like the path the egg would take. also i Did Not Want To Do That #also a quick nod to that post augh i dont remember whose it was but about eggnap having sharper teef. i agree.

[cq-studios]

20, 15 and 3 please :3

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

The fandom has helped me appreciate so many characters way more than I did initially but I’ll have to say the most drastic is Kairi. 100% Kairi.

Like when I got into KH I kinda just branded her as bland anime girl love interest with nothing going for her (which is a mindset I’ve been working hard to get out of and I’m confident I’ve made progress in) but the fandom actually helped me see there was more to her than that. And I know in a lot of situations it ends up being the opposite but learning about the evidence for and shipping Soriku (specifically Violet Howler and Tennelle’s videos) actually helped me understand and like her more. Taking her out and away from this ‘fated’ romance with Sora for a bit actually helped me see the traits that I otherwise would have dismissed. Because her not wanting Sora to leave her behind (because she’s in love with him) became her not wanting Sora to leave her behind (because she’s afraid of change, because she’s scared he’s going to drift away like Riku did, because she doesn’t want to become an afterthought) and other stuff that I could probably write more about if I wasn’t half asleep rn lol

I think part of the issue is that I have a sort of negative knee jerk to straight romantics relationships because they’re so often poorly written or I just don’t connect to them because I’m Ace/Aro and I already have a hard time connecting to any romance in general (queer stuff is easier for me to connect to because it’s representation and it feels like a victory when it happens) and that leads me to just sort of write off both characters who are involved as boring to me (for a long time I wasn’t really a huge fan of Sora either, which feels insane to say now lol).

Sora was saved a bit faster just because of his sheer amount of screen time and focus. I hope Kairi will get a chance to shine in a future game, and that opinion is mostly because the fandom helped shine a light on the things I missed that make her a character.

15. the character that always makes you smile

See it’d be cheating to say all of the NULs (like, man, I love those guys so much, but y’all know, you’re here) so I’ll switch it up today and say Xion. I love her so much. And I mean, I think literally in my last post I was gushing about her, but you know sometimes I just have to talk about Xion. I feel like I don’t talk about Xion enough. Like, she always makes me so happy (except when everything goes wrong at the end of Days then she makes me sad, so very sad but in a good way lol).

She and Roxas were my favourites before KHUX came in with the steel chair, and while I still like Roxas, Xion was the one who’s still up there with the NULs despite it all as a comfort character. Love her, wish I had smart things to say about her lol

20. your very first fandom!

Littlest Pet Shop and/or Pokémon. I honestly do not remember… I was like 3 or 4, I think.

I used to watch so many LPS YouTube skits and series and just scroll on Google for hours looking at Pokémon fanart. I avidly collected (and still collect) both things. I probably shouldn’t have been able to just have free rein watching/looking at all that at that age, but my parents didn’t really know how to parent yet (I’m their oldest kid lol).

Probably watched some Elsa-gate level stuff at some point because I remember my mom telling me not to watch any LPS skits that were made by men???

Also y’all remember Pikachu X Ketchup? I think about Pikachu X Ketchup every day…

#man I’m so tired I should go to bed lol #I hope this all made sense I probably ended up rambling… I do that lol #I don’t even think I’m gonna tag this one with any real fandom tags because I talk about Kairi and while I feel I’m being pretty positive #I don’t wanna get hate mail again and I feel like even mentioning any ships will get me immediately taken out lol #anywhoozles thanks for the ask ^^ #sometimes I think about the rest of KH

[beardedhandstoadshark]

What is your OC's moral code?

have any of them ever done anything illegal?

Oh dear, morals. That’s pretty complicated, so this one’s kind of a text wall and I‘m reading it as "which lines would/nt they cross?“

Easier thing first, illegal activities - Yes. All of them. To various degrees of willingness, but none of em got a clean palette lol.

Not even Yel, and he’s what I believe you’d call a "goody two shoes“? His morality is pretty attached to rules compared to the rest of the gang. The only one who would follow rules for morality reasons. Would also beat himself up over accidentally saying something that wasn’t true because he thought it was, cuz lying’s bad. A part of what he thinks he’s refusing to do because of morals is actually because he’s scared of consequences, though. In the incredibly rare circumstances that a) it’s pretty clear that the less "moral“ choice is still the obviously better one, and b) he’s either extremely done with everything or super stressed/scared, would break that moral code. And then feel SO bad about it afterwards for a really long time.

Mage‘s thing is basically "I might be an asshole but even I have standards“, and how high the standard is is directly proportional to how much he’d gain + they like someone + fun it’d be to see them break. Will also often break that moral code in both "good“ and "bad“ direction with no remorse afterwards, though. The moral code does not involve laws, telling the truth, or "taking the higher ground". No "ooh if you do this you’ll be just as bad as them!“ nah. Revenge time even if it means shoveling a grave for both of em.

Red’s moral code is "be good“ and she has pretended not to have a crisis about what that exactly means for the past 4 years. As of rn, it’s at "help people, do good stuff, be kind, heroic, an example for others, but also don’t follow rules if they’re stupid or it’s necessary“. The last one Red 100% knows isn’t something considered "good” at first glance but also doesn’t care, cos between Red and other folks only one actually lived through what it means to be destined to save the world and it wasn’t them. She knows the world isn’t actually in monotone, but will try their best to act with kindness and compassion. (Noticeably, doing something that goes against that is not a break of moral code in Reds eyes as long as it’s "for the others’ own good”.)

Deniz basically goes by:

Does the action hurt anyone (including person doing it)?

Yes -> don’t do it

No -> next question

Is it fun or helpful?

Yes -> do it

No -> next question

Is it necessary?

Yes -> do it

No -> don’t do it

Like. There’s lots of case by case debating with himself if all options kinda suck but that here is pretty much the base for his morals that everything else is going off from

Aaaand then there’s Violet. It’s always been "the greater good justifies all“ for her but also. Has no problem twisting things into seeming for the greater good when they’re just for her benefit. But when that isn’t the case, they’re the same as Deniz (she kinda got it from him, actually.) Violet‘s morals are basically a combo of Deniz and Mage, minus the "falling into the deep end“ tendencies of the latter, but plus "once someone crosses the line they deserve no mercy in that regard“. I do you as you do me and such, only the action done isn’t necessarily the same as the action received.

#another anon ask #original character do not steal [tm] #oof this one’s a brick wall #sorry bout that #morals are complicated #and I‘m kinda struggling with understanding them myself sometimes #so it’s weird to think about what they’d be for characters #Theres a reason they took up a whole semester back in school philosophy class XD

[siriusly-parker]

—rant, tlou.

[002.]

omg i honestly didn’t even think anyone would see my rants let alone agree with me, but i’m really glad it is the case

i was honestly just so mind boggled by the amount of hate tlou2 received

and how the big arguments are such bullshit or simply wrong (like calling abby trans??)

so when i went to dive deeper into some reviews and articles to understand what all the fuss is about it mostly just came down to ignorance

one thing that i really really wanted to discuss was this review that was left on google. they gave it 1 star and it’s the first review of the game that comes up. the problem? it’s the same as the two after it. the three first google reviews are the exact same. copy paste. 1 star. it’s not people sharing their opinion about the game, it’s people copy pasting a badly written 1 star review just to give the game a bad rep. even when the game came out, it had a bunch of 1 star review in the FIRST HOUR or release, when the game takes 15-25 hours to complete.

this is gonna be long but idc it’s just for me to have peace of mind tbh. i’ll break down every single hate comment tlou2 has ever received if thats what i need to do

i’d literally love to write an essay about tlou there’s just so much to say! but for now i’ll just rant lol

so here is the copy pasted review, i colour-coded it so it’d be easier to comment on ▾

꩜ the gameplay was average for the modern gaming industry? there’s really not much to discuss here lol, the gameplay was incredible. even on bad reviews they always start with: the gameplay was insanely good but the story was shit. people hate on the story cause they’re mad our sexy daddy joel died (same) but nobody questions the gameplay. shut up. it being hella good was a general consensus lol.

꩜ more cutscenes and walking than gameplay. tlou is and always has been a story driven game and the gameplay/cutscenes ratio is perfect for that. if it were me tbh i’d have more cutscenes, but i think its perfect as it is and from what i’ve seen/heard, most people agree. there aren’t cutscenes just for the sake of it, they’re all very important. i get that if you just want to kill people then maybe that’s boring for you, but then again, that’s just not what the game is. you can’t shame a game that has never claimed to be constant combat and shooting for not being constant combat and shooting. if you don’t like the amount of story telling in the game then just choose another one tbh that just not a good critique. that was always known and that aspect is not much different from the first game so there’s nothing to complain about really. and for the walking, i dont feel like there was much more walking then the first game. of course the game is longer so there technically is more walking, but the ratio feels pretty much the same. i did feel like there was a bit too much walking and like exploring buildings and taking stuff for me, but that’s because i wanted more cutscenes lol. idk you cant ask less cutscenes AND less walking/exploring, then you’d just be asking for less game lol. walking is part of the gameplay and walking is never just walking there’ll always be infected and enemies and stuff so idk what you want lol.

꩜ they dumb down joel. these people really put all their brain cells to sleep while playing the game huh? being kind ≠ being dumb. constantly being distrustful of people and killing at every minor inconvenience ≠ being smart and strong.

in tlou2 they mostly showed joel in situations where he’s safe. after settling down in jackson, he allowed himself to feel things he couldn’t for decades. he didn’t think about sarah for years, but now he has her picture framed and visible. of course he’s not as tough and cold with ellie, you know what they’ve been through. he loves her and he did everything he thought he should’ve to save her, just to lose her in the end so i get why he tries so hard with her

(which may feel to some players like he’s dumb and weak for trying to get the attention of a little girls and basically being manipulated by her, and it’s a big difference from the big strong smuggler who tortures for information to the now settled down coffee drinking father who’s just trying to reach out to his teen, except the only thing that links them is the journey they’ve been on together. he’s not her dad. she’s not his daughter. so losing her forever is just so much easier and keeping that relationship is so much harder.)

his emotions and his way of handling things felt very real to me. he felt like a dad. it hurt so so bad to see him that way. it truly felt like when you see a big strong father figure close to tears. joel is kind at his core and jackson helped him retrieve that part of himself. him and tommy helped abby without a second thought, because why wouldn’t they? he was settled in a nice little town for four years. even though it was a bit quit for him to change his ways, i think it represents well how he changed. cause ellie went from 14 to 19 and in those formative years you change a LOT (which is also why complaining about how she’s not the same little girl from tlou1 is kinda stupid but ill rant about that later), and i think it was a great way to show how even though joel had already gone through those big life events, he still had a lot of learning and growing to do as well and i think they did that beautifully. + fiction always exaggerates things/feelings to make it more obvious for the audience so that’s always a great excuse lol, but naughty dog, at least in the tlou franchise, has always been great at keeping it very real and simple, very surface level, which is also why i think many gamers might find it hard to read between the line.

⋆ ‧˚ʚ ⋆ ꜝꜞ ⋆

oops i talk way too much omg i thought it’d be shorter but i’m barely three arguments in and i basically wrote a bad book lol. i’m gonna keep going tho cause i don’t really care i just don’t know if i should like keep on updating this post or make multiple part? anyways- if you care plz tell me!! also feel free to send me asks about tlou to discuss it or anything i (clearly) love to share my opinion haha and i love talking with you guys!!

ALSO IF YOU START YOUR ARGUMENT BY CALLING WOMEN “FEMALES” JUST STOP RIGHT THERE. your opinion has no more value sorry i don’t make the rules.

#—rant. #—rant. tlou. #the last of us #tlou #ellie williams #joel miller x reader #joel miller

[nightcrawlerzincorporated]

i have some more bc now i’m curious about your mysterious least favorite and also i’m enjoying your analyses :)

the gang turns black, charlie has cancer (for the mac/carmen plot line), a lot of charlie gets crippled, the gang gives back, sweet dee’s dating a r person (love the rock band storyline tho), thundergun express

it’s hard for me to say i dislike episodes entirely bc there are always parts i like but yeah as a whole i would say these are in my bottom 20

The Gang Turns Black: disagree. I was shocked to learn this one was so hated honestly. I love musical episodes, and I think all their singing is perfectly fine (I don’t know why people say they sound bad??) and the songs are mostly funny and catchy. And I know people think the Quantum Leap thing is stupid but I like it. I like the idea that the gang are so racist it would take a literal magical scenario for them to learn how to be better. I like that the final message of the episode is the reality of systemic racism and police brutality, but I get that’s heavy for a sunny episode and some people find it tactless and I understand completely if anyone feels that way.

Charlie Has Cancer: agree. Honestly I’ve seen this episode so few times specifically because of that plot line. But because I’ve seen it so few times I barely remember it and so don’t have a big rant prepared. But my biggest take away is—it’s one thing to show the characters being transphobic, because they’re horrible people that’s just what the show is, but when the camera is transphobic that’s just the writers thinking the idea of a trans woman having a penis is funny and expecting the audience to find it funny too. Awful. Honestly maybe this one is my least favorite I’ve just seen it so few times and so long ago it’s hard to even remember for me. I don’t even remember the Charlie plot at all or what Dee was doing if anything.

Charlie Gets Crippled: I think agree depending on what you mean by “a lot of”. The stuff about being in a wheelchair getting them free strippers is stupid and based on the false idea that life is somehow easier for disabled people because of pity (wrong and bad). And pretending to be disabled to get attention does make sense for the characters to think of and again it’d be one thing for the characters to be proven wrong but the episode plays it like they’re right and being disabled does get you adoration which uh. If you’ve ever actually been in public with an assistance device you know how wrong that is. But I like the Dennis and Dee stuff and of course our dear friend Mr Tibbs (RIP). I love the opening where Dennis runs Charlie over in his haste to flee from his shitty dad. I love that Frank is introduced as being “manically depressed” for most of his life—it’s a good way to set up the way he acts throughout the rest of the show. But yeah a lot of bad with the good. I don’t watch it often.

The Gang Gives Back: disagree! I love this episode! The gang are so horrible I think there’s a lot of humor in pairing them up with kids (also why I love Frank Reynolds’ Little Beauties). I love Mac and Dee competing to be head coach and I love the horrible dangerous things they tell the kids to do. I love that Frank “trying to bond” with Dennis turns out to be a ruse for Frank’s gambling, something Dennis doesn’t at all seem surprised by, which says so much about Dennis and Dee’s childhood without even directly mentioning it. I even think Charlie using AA to flirt with The Waitress while she’s only interested in Dennis is funny. And it’s hilarious that Frank chastises Dennis for sleeping with The Waitress when he knew Charlie likes her when Frank did literally the exact same thing lol. Just a very funny one for me I think all the character dynamic are really good and the kids are funny.

Sweet Dee’s Dating a: Agree! You found my least favorite episode! Congratulations! I hate it so much even the band parts and Dennis’ slutty little outfit don’t save it for me, which trust me is saying a lot about how bad the rest of the episode is. It’s just. Ugh. Similar issue as the others where it’s one thing for the characters to be ableist, but the narrative itself is ableist too. And it’s not even funny like. Even the band parts aren’t funny beyond their outfits to me. Yeah the scene of Dennis helping Charlie when he’s upset is cute but even that doesn’t save it for me. It’s hard for me to even think about this episode without my blood pressure rising. It’s both boring and offensive! Worst combo. I’ve watched this one as few times as I’ve watch Charlie has Cancer but this one sticks in my mind more in a bad way which is why I say it’s worse for me but who knows maybe if I rewatched both I’d feel differently. But I don’t want to lol.

Thundergun Express: disagree. This one’s another really funny one to me. The whole “we’ll come back for youuuuu” running gag is great to me every time, I love Frank’s awful boat tour where he just rambles about his chaotic life, I love that they’re all so excited for the dong, I love Mac stealing a motorcycle, failing to drive it, and abandoning it in the middle of the street, I love the sewer (yeah, that’s shit in my hair) and I think Frank calling in a bomb threat because he’s so upset he didn’t make it is a fantastic ending. Dennis’ plot is pretty weak but that’s my only criticism, the rest makes me laugh and there’s a lot of great quotable lines from this one.

#least favorite sunny ep opinions #the gang turns black #Charlie has cancer #Charlie gets crippled #the gang gives back #sweet Dee’s dating a #thundergun express #emodennis

[tomatoluvr69]

hi im new and please if you so wish elaborate on the dumpster diving I’m intrigued

Mostly I just go to grocery store dumpsters and skim food off the top, I stopped doing it in March of 2020 for obvious reasons but today I was out in a distant exurb driving behind a strip mall for other reasons (lol) and saw a whole bunch of produce in a dumpster and took just a couple things bc it was broad daylight and there was a skeptic in my passenger seat haha. But I used to do it a lot more and would regularly eat meat and dairy, and give away stuff to my friends. Some tricks: go at night, be subtle, stay away from fenced in dumpsters, bring a cooler, be prepared to spend an hour after you get back sorting bad produce out/chopping up useable produce for your freezer, don’t fucking spread the word about specific locations undiscerningly pretty much ever bc that’s how you get good dumpsters locked up. And put everything back!!! Don’t make life harder for the min wage employees by forcing them to clean up after you. Oh, and scoping out places ahead of time helps a lot. And you must be prepared to see something gross, most of the time you won’t, but like…it’s a dumpster.

It’s considered a faux pas to feed dumpster food to unsuspecting friends/family/guests etc and I only do it with ppl I know are similarly idk alternatively minded? Most of my friends are totally about it once I give them the spiel, bc I tend to befriend ppl with similar sensibilities lmao. As I mentioned I go for meat and dairy stuff whenever I want (you think I’m purchasing ground lamb?? In this economy???) but produce and packaged food are way easier to tell if they’re still good. The freezer will be your bff (chopping produce around the ‘bad’ spots and getting it ready for easy access, and preserving things maybe on the brink of being yucky). Also it’s a good idea to keep an eye on current recalls. When in doubt safety wise you can always just throw it out. But so often expired food is completely safe to eat, and a lot of perfectly good food is thrown out for reasons like a) another package in the flat burst and ruined the other units’ packaging b) a customer grabbed something from a cooler, changed their mind and stashed it on a random shelf & the employees don’t know how long it’d been sitting out c) one onion or whatever in a bag of onions is starting to rot but the rest are still good if u remove the bad one d) new stock with a later best by date arrived e) the whims and fancies of corporate that only god knows. I have never once gotten sick from dumpster food but your mileage may vary.

Another thing to keep in mind is that to a cop I read as a middle class, sober, “respectable” white woman and in my encounters with security/law enforcement (which have been extremely infrequent and only when I got lazy about my rules) this has resulted in outcomes that wouldn’t necessarily be afforded to ppl of color, ppl in working class garb, men even? Idk. But it’s not illegal, the furthest it’s ever gotten is they’ve run my ID through their system and told me to gtfo lol. When in doubt, bring a buddy.

Don’t reblog this please. My worst nightmare is that it starts taking off on like tiktok or something and ruins it for everyone. It’s definitely doable but it has to be done right and I don’t trust the masses because the masses are young and privileged lol. Save the real world shit for us real world ancoms

I haven’t talked about it much on this blog bc I stopped due to the pandemic & I made this blog due to the pandemic so there hasn’t really been an overlap on those 2 eras of my life. But I’m moving in January and I’m planning to make it my primary source of groceries again once I’m back in [redacted city] & I’m gonna start foraging, fermenting and preserving en masse as well :-) very excited. Very excited also to be back in a city with a lot of friends that I can redistribute my biggest finds to and throw dumpster potlucks :-)

Any of my followers feel free to DM me if you want more specific info, I’d be soooo happy to help 1 on 1 but as I said i really want to keep it on the dl (you are so ok sending this ask btw I’m just never gonna like type up a guide or anything) because a lot of ppl rely on this as a food source or as a lifestyle that mitigates food waste (like me) and if shit hits the fan and people fuck shit up because they’re not being careful, (like what happened to Z Lib) more and more grocery stores are gonna start doing inaccessible compactors like the biggest grocery chains and the waste is just gonna keep piling up

#asks #now that I’m home I’m really regretting not nabbing more of the produce lol

[teaandcharchives]

Ask Skyrim Johnkat - Battlehorn Chapter 4

Fandom: Homestuck, skyrim, the elder scrolls.

Pairing: johnkat, DaveJade, and eventually we’ll be getting into some poly stuff that I hen’t figured out how to annotate yet.

Word Count:   13866

Rating: M, might go up to E later, or I might post those parts either. For now just sexual references.

Summary:   More in the realm of “after the happily ever after.” They may have managed to save the world, but can John and Karkat handle the actual homecoming? If that seems like a step down, it’s probably because early modern local government is a lot more complicated than it first appears. Especially because there’s a lot of moving pieces in the Egbert Family once everyone comes home…

Read on AO3 here, or under cut below

Series start

Notes: Let this be a lesson in why you leave comments on old fics - There was one very kind person who read all 260k words of this AU a couple months ago and really loved it, which inspired me to go back and reread it, learn it still holds up (though I did make a couple little tweaks), and realize I wanted to go back to playing in the space. So I did.

I'm not sure how this chapter got to be almost 14k, other than that the only logical splitting point was less than 1/3 in. Besides, if you're gonna come back after *checks watch* four years, might as well do a lot.Because this is just playing in the space, I'm not sure how much more I'm actually going to write, and it's definitely going to be a lot more episodic than the other pieces. But I do have outlines for 3 more chapters ready to go. So there's that lol.

Chapter 4 

It’s easier than you thought it’d be to slot yourself back into life at the castle. You were worried that after a full year of wandering around it’d be overwhelming to keep so many tasks balanced, to commit yourself to a schedule. Yet, after a few days it almost feels like you'd never left.

You’ve got Karkat now, of course, but you barely see him, especially compared to when you traveled together. He spends all day with his nose in books, but it’s not like when you were at Winterhold. You were separated all day, sure, but then in the evenings he’d be so animated in telling you about whatever he’d read. Now he just seems drained. You suppose that’s the difference between law or etiquette and shit he actually cares about. You can talk a little bit in the baths and you hold each other once you get back to your rooms, but you don't get much time before exhaustion takes one or the other of you. On Temple days you sit beside him, sure, but it’s hardly a social experience. You just share space as the priest and congregation offer prayers to the divines, and then as soon as services are over you have to hustle back to the castle to listen to grievances with your dad. You admit it was kind of nice to have a bit of space at first. It gave you something new to talk about in your time alone, but now you kind of miss him.

Then, one day in early Frost Fall, your father calls for a house meeting in his study. By the time you arrive, everyone else is there already. Your uncle sits at the desk and your dad stands behind him. You were expecting Karkat and Jake, but are somewhat surprised to see Provenco and Marcellia, the steward and head cook. That means it’s probably not strictly a family problem, but there are still plenty of things it could be. Your mind is racing. Did someone die? Is someone going to die? Are you losing funding? Are the borders changing? Which ones? When you take your place next to Karkat, he quickly grips your hand tightly. 

Two pieces of paper on the desk catch your eye. You see broken seals on the top and bottom. They’re clearly letters, but you can’t see enough to tell from whom, just that one was sealed with white wax and the other blue. 

A smile tweaks at the corner of your father’s mouth. “Don’t look so stressed. This is good news.” 

There’s a collective breath outward. Not a full sigh from anyone, but enough of a release of tension to be palpable. 

“Could have led with that,” you hear Karkat grumble. You gently elbow him. 

“First,” Your father continues. You’re not sure if he didn’t hear Karkat or is just choosing to ignore him. “Jade is returning sometime next week. And much like John, she's bringing someone home.”

“So she and Dave did get betrothed?” Jake asks. 

“According to this letter, yes.” 

In some ways that’s even more of a relief. You and Jake look at each other and smile. You wanted to believe Karkat when he said Dave would come home with Jade, but with how little you knew about the guy you couldn’t be sure. But she’s coming! She’ll be home soon! And then if she starts training apprentices too, maybe you’ll be able to have a little more time to spend with Karkat. 

“And the timing is perfect, because Countess Olivia Valga will be joining us for the Witches Festival as well.” 

“This isn’t a prank, is it, my lord?” Asks Provenco. His voice is firm, and his broad, serious features are set in a neutral expression, but you can see hints of concern in his eyes. “The last time a Count or Countess came for a banquet was your wedding. My staff would only have a week and a half to prepare!” 

“You may read her letter, if you wish,” Dad says, lifting the piece of parchment with the blue seal. “I am sorry for the short notice, Provenco. Especially since I know your father handled the preparations last time. However, you have managed this estate for many years now, and you are as skilled a steward as he was, and I have every faith in you, as well as Marcellia,” he adds, nodding to her. “You will have the apprentices fully at your disposal until then. It’ll do some of the younger ones good. John, Jake, I expect you to coordinate with the Pontillas, make sure they have all the help they need.”

You and your cousin nod.  

“When is she coming and how long will she be here?” Marcellia asks. “I need to know for menu planning.” 

“She plans to arrive the thirteenth and leave the fourteenth. She’ll be bringing one handmaid, but is leaving her husband to manage the city.” 

“Did she say why she’s coming now?” You ask. 

“She did not, but I imagine it has to do with you. The way most people tell it, you - with or without Karkat’s help depending on the teller - effectively ended the war and dragon crisis by yourself. And furthermore,” Your dad’s gaze turns to Karkat. “She’ll want to meet her future vassal.”

Your fiance inhales sharply, and you gently rub his knuckles with your thumb in reassurance. 

“We’ll be switching to a focus on etiquette,” Uncle Joel says, “So you don’t have to worry so much about logistics until after Olivia leaves. The goal, remember, is for you to succeed.” 

“Right,” Karkat says. It’s subtle (for him), but you can tell he doesn’t believe it. 

“Any questions?” Dad asks. 

Everyone looks at each other awkwardly. 

“Well, then, let’s get to it. Karkat, John, you stay.” 

You and Karkat both tense. 

“You’re not in trouble,” your dad and uncle say at the same time. 

Jake and the Pontillas leave. Jake gives you a reassuring pat on the shoulder on the way out. 

“So…” You say. 

“We need to figure out the best way to get Karkat up to speed as quickly as possible.” Joel says. “And we’ll need to work together on that.”

Karkat looks down. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault!” you insist. “You’re doing great!” 

“I can’t complain about your progress thus far,” Uncle Joel amits, “But we weren’t expecting you to encounter other Cyrodilic nobles yet.” 

“Yeah,” you say, “I mean, sure, we technically invite Liv to every festival, and she always invites us, but that’s just a formality. More of a ‘you’re welcome if you want to show up, but we know you’re not gonna.’ kinda deal.” 

“Indeed,” Dad says. “John, I need your honest opinion. I know you interacted with several Jarls in Skyrim. How did he do with them?” 

“I mean…” you shift your weight uncomfortably, thinking of how to word it. “It seems like things are less formal in Skyrim. He didn’t treat them much differently than anyone else, but it seemed like that was fine.”

“‘Fine’ may not be good enough.”  

Karkat takes a deep breath, straightens his posture, and makes a valiant attempt to put on a proper accent. “Once I realized that John was more proficient in dealing with those of standing, I allowed him to take the lead in those conversations. I… do admit that at times my temper gets the better of me, however.” 

“Hey, good more formal word choice!” You say. 

He smirks at you. “I’m rather well read, as you recall. My vocabulary has never been lacking.” He drops the accent. “It’s just a lot of times the best word for the situation is ‘fuck.’”

You can’t help but laugh at that. You catch a smile on Dad’s face, but Uncle Joel is a bit more serious. 

“True as all that might be,” your uncle says, “I think your accent is unlikely to be solid enough by her arrival next Morndas. It may be better to embrace sounding a bit foreign and focus on learning some of the quirks of Cyrodilic etiquette. It's not uncommon for people of other provinces to take up positions in various courts, and while many never pick up the accent, the manners are indispensable." 

Karkat purses his lips for a moment before speaking again, this time with a much harsher accent, identical to his father’s. “If… If you think it would help, I can do this one much more reliably.” 

“Yes, that may be for the best. I don’t…” Uncle Joel pauses for a moment. “This is your home, and I don’t want you to feel exoticized, but we cannot risk you making an enemy of the countess. And, though we should not lean into it too much, playing the foreign card may serve to have her accept some things that aren’t at a fully noble level.” 

“No, I get it.” Karkat runs his fingers through his hair and goes back to his normal accent. “So what do we do now?” 

“Study, same as before, just a slightly different topic.” Dad turns to you. “John, walk him through as much of what he has to know as possible. Show him the actions, and tell him what you know about the Countess and her family. Tomorrow we’ll meet to go over everything. Hopefully by then we’ll have come up with a plan.” 

“Got it,” You say. 

“We won’t let you down,” Karkat adds, looking directly at your uncle. 

He smiles. “I’ll hold you to it.” 

Karkat nods sharply. Then, with an air of determination, he turns on his heel and leaves. 

—

“Okay,” John says, putting a closed book over the piece of paper you’ve been staring at. “So to review…” 

You sigh and lean back in your chair. “Yes?” 

“How long has Liv’s family been running Chorrol?”

“Six hundred years. Ish.”

“But?” 

“But not always in a direct line. Just before the Oblivion Crisis the count died and his only living child was married to the Count of Leyawiin. After the Crisis, that daughter tried to claim the County, but her… cousin? I can just say cousin right? Or do you always have to specify with you people?” 

“In this case cousin is fine. Keep going.”

“Okay, her cousin sued, saying that there was no way for the Countess of Leyawiin to manage counties on opposite side of Cyrodiil, but because the Imperial line just ended everyone was way too busy to deal with it, so the Countess’ mom stayed in charge until she died, then the cousin just kinda walked in and took over. Uh… no one stopped him because…  the Count and Countess couldn’t leave the city of Leyawiin because they were fighting Bravil and basically independent at the time. By the time the case actually made it to court, it had been like 20 years or something and everyone was just like, ‘yeah, just let the Valgas keep it.’ The Carros are still bitter about this but have way bigger problems now. Um…” You rack your brain, trying to think of any other details but you’re coming up blank.

“Remember any of the names?” 

“...No.” you admit. 

“Arriana Valga was the married countess, Alessia and Marius Carro, and the cousin was Horatio Valga.”

“Right, fuck, I kept getting Arriana and Alessia backwards.” 

John shrugs. “I mean, the good news is that you can almost always get away with referring to someone using either title-holding or title-family. That reminds me, what do you do when the Countess gets here?” 

“Cry.” 

He laughs. “No, but really.” 

This one you’ve got. It was the first thing he drilled into you. “She’s going to be introduced by a page. When she enters, your dad and uncle say hi first, then you, and then it’s my turn.” You stand and bow. Then in your best Imperial accent you say, “‘It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Countess Valga.’ Then if she offers me a hand I have to kiss it, because humans are gross like that.” John snorts. “If she has more shit she wants to say, I respond politely, then we get out of the way and let Jake go.”

“Good! And knowing her, she’ll probably ask you to call her Liv. And after that, remember-” 

“'I'll be there all night running interference.'” You say at the same time as he does. “I know. You’ve told me constantly the entire fucking time we’ve been cooped up here doing this!” 

“Right,” He says, running his hand through his hair. “Sorry. I’m just worried.”

“Why the fuck are you worried?" You snap, "I’m the only one who’s really liable to make a skeever out of himself.”

John frowns. “I know I’ve told you this too. Even ignoring the fact that whatever you do is going to reflect on the whole family, Liv needs to know you can behave.” 

“Why does everyone here talk about me like that?” You demand. “I’m not a dog or a child!” 

“I know that! Dogs and kids have way more time to learn this shit!” He puts his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Karkat.” He says, after a moment. “I just wish I knew why she was doing this.” 

“I just assume she wants me to fail.” 

“That’s not like her. Not like the Liv I knew, anyway.” 

“People change.” 

“I know.” 

The two of you sit in silence for a moment. Crows caw in the courtyard and bits of dust dance in the slits of late-afternoon light coming through the narrow windows. You reach through the sunbeam bisecting your little table to cup John’s hand in yours. He looks up at you, sad and confused and it hurts. 

“Thank you,” You say. “For everything you’re doing for me.” 

He blinks at you and you pull your hand away. 

“So the cousin thing,” You say, changing the subject, “I’m still pretty sure you Cyrodilic nobles invented the concept of ‘third cousins’ and being ‘removed’ to either obfuscate or put checks on the ridiculous amounts of inbreeding the counts and emperors are wont to do, especially since arranging marriages is one of the only times it comes up. That and inheritance laws. But since inheritance is one of those reasons, why didn’t it matter with the Valgas?” 

“Oh, because it was an illegal seizure anyway. Chorrol should have gone to Alessia and her children by law. But I think they were first cousins anyway, which makes the claim stronger.”

“Is he the cousin that would have gotten it if Alessia died?” 

“I think so? I’d have to double check. The rest of the extended family wasn’t that important and it’s been 200 years.” 

You laugh. “See, you say that, but Dunmer politics you can see single family heads last that long.” 

John pauses for a moment and looks thoughtful. “Huh, you know, I wonder if that’s why you guys don’t need to track extended cousins. Because it’s just like you can’t marry anyone under the same family head, or under the same head as anyone who married into your branch of the family, right? But if that covers like ten generations-”

“Nords also don’t have second cousins.” you point out, “They just have kin, which is just ‘as far back as people can remember.’” 

“Yeah, but they settle inheritance disputes by duels,” he counters.

“Keep telling yourself that and just be glad you got born into the ‘let’s get fresh blood in here’ noble family.” 

“And yet we’re pretty sure everything wrong with me comes from Dad’s side and not the Skingrad side.” 

“Psh, Skingrad’s also new money. The last Hassildor only died 150 years ago. The Lafirias were wine merchants before then. Even with your scandalously short generations, a century isn’t enough time to get well and truly inbred unless you’re really working at it.” 

“Oh, so remembering details is easy if it’s to talk shit about my mom,” John teases, sticking his tongue out at you. 

“Not your mom in particular, humans in general and specifically Imperials as a whole. Besides, I never said that being from a merchant family was bad. If you are, then you are talking shit about both of our moms, and, while mine does kind of deserve it, I thought we’d agreed after meeting her that she could have been a lot worse.”

“Divines and Daedra, I love you,” John says with a laugh. 

There’s a knock at the door. 

“Come in,” John calls out. 

The younger page, Quinn you think his name is, opens the door. “I was sent to tell you Lady Jade and Sir Dave have arrived.” 

“‘Sir?’ Who’d he get to knight him?” You mutter.

John ignores you. “Thanks for letting us know, Quinn, we’ll be right down.” 

Quinn bows and leaves. 

“You’re not gonna make me dress up in the name of practice, are you?” You ask. 

“I won’t encourage Dave and Jade to give you more shit than is necessary.” 

You put the proper affectation back on. “You are too kind, my lord.” 

“Pfft, never speak to me that way again.” 

“You got it, dickwad,” you say, standing up.

“That’s my Karkat.” He gives you a quick kiss before leaving your chambers.

You follow him down the stairs. He pauses for just a moment, clearly trying to figure out where everyone is, then takes off towards the east wing. You hustle just to keep up. Thankfully he keeps it below a run.  

Dave and Jade are in the study, talking to John’s father and uncle. John runs right up and embraces his cousin the same way he did in Whiterun. Jade looks exactly like you remember her, but there’s something different about Dave. Part of it is probably clothing. He’s ditched the heavy cloak and thick Nord-style shirt and pants. He still wears a red laced-up vest, but even that looks to be lighter in terms of both material type and color. He’s switched to a white linen shirt and gray pants, rather than the black he wore before. It’s a nice change, you think. It makes him look less washed out. …Or is that it? You remember with a start that his eyes used to glow. Then you realize he’s breathing. 

“You’re alive.” You say.

Dave smirks, just barely showing off normal-sized canines. “You’re damn right.” 

John stiffens and looks with concern at his dad. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I told them ages ago,” Jade says. 

“Okay good.” John returns to your side. 

“Yeah, and I already got read the riot act from Jade’s folks in the capital.” Dave adds. “Her dad did not appreciate my observation that while the age gap is pretty significant it’s now literally impossible for me to meet girls my age without necromancy.” 

“I think he mostly didn’t like the one-two punch of you being biologically eighteen,” Jade says with a giggle. 

He shrugs. “Sorry, I can’t help being too old and too young for anyone I’ve been interested in for the last few millennia.” 

“Anyway,” John’s father says. “I was just telling them about the Countess’ upcoming visit.”

“It will not be a problem,” Dave says, his accent flawless. “It’s been quite a while, but from what Jade tells me, the rules have not changed too much in the last few centuries.” 

“...That’s not fucking fair.” You grumble. 

John takes your hand gently. 

“I’d been meaning to ask, though,” Dave continues. “Is the dancing still mandatory?” 

“More or less, unless you’d like to play the part of an old man like me,” 

“Yeah, no, I’d rather keep the ex-vampire thing within the family.” 

“Reasonable. Now,” Lord Egbert fixes his eyes on you and John. “How is Karkat’s progress?” 

John’s face lights up. “Great! I think he’s just about got the trivia and manners all down. Right?” 

“Oh… Yeah.” You say. 

John’s father and uncle give you identical skeptical looks. 

“I know enough that she’ll know I did the research, even if I don’t have all the details.” Their expressions do not change. “I’ve only had four days!”

“Fair enough.” John’s dad says. “I’m certain she’ll take it into account. We just also want to wow her as much as possible.” 

“Right.” Good enough isn’t good enough. You get it. Fuck. 

“Do you think there will be time to practice dancing soon?” John asks. “I know everyone else is also busy preparing for the feast, but I am so rusty and haven’t been able to teach Karkat at all.” 

“Why don’t we work together?” Jade suggests. “If you still remember how to play the harpsichord we can trade off playing and teaching! Dave is about 400 years behind on dance moves.”

Dave shrugs.  

“It’s more I don’t think I know enough to teach,” John admits sheepishly. "I haven't been to a real feast since Liv's wedding." 

“Speak to Jake,” Joel says. “The other day he told me that most of our apprentices, even some of those that come from noble families, need a dance lesson. Besides, I’m sure he’d like the excuse to spend some time with the rest of the family. With the three of you working together, I’m sure you’ll get it.” 

—

The next week goes by in a blur. Whether it's dancing or studying, you’re exhausted by the end of the day. None of this comes naturally to you; not the endless parade of names and dates, not the imperial dancing with its fancy footwork and next to no movement in the arms or hips, and certainly not holding your tongue and following the strict, hierarchical code of manners. John tells you you’re doing good, but you understood his uncle loud and clear. Good enough isn’t going to be good enough. And, fuck, it feels like the literal children are doing better than you, much less Dave. He almost makes the imperial dancing look good. Almost. 

You’re just… you’re tired. You don’t know how much more you have to give. You just want to spend time with John. Preferably doing something other than memorizing a bunch of dead humans’ names or looking like some sort of mentally deficient ground bird as you attempt to dance. You try not to fall asleep too quickly every night so that you can have some time with him, but inevitably you fail, drifting off what feels like mere moments after you lay down. Then, the next thing you know it's the day of the Countess' arrival. 

You frantically leaf through books, trying to pick up on something, anything, you've missed. But as soon as you look away from the pages, the facts slip from your mind like fish from a cracked basket.

John comes back from the kitchen with your normal breakfast. As fall has set in, the fruits you enjoyed earlier  He smiles at you softly, if a bit sadly. 

"Here." He says.

You ignore the food and look back down at the book.

"You should eat." 

You give a noncommittal grunt. 

He puts one of the scones on a small plate and shoves it in front of you. You give him an annoyed look, and he responds by raising his eyebrows and tipping his head down in a clear, “you’re going to do it, though.” You sigh, roll your eyes, and begin picking at the scone. It’s just not worth fighting over. 

"So,” he says, grabbing an apple, “Today, Dad is entrusting me with doing some rounds through the domain, making sure everything is ready for Liv's arrival."

"Good for you,” you reply flatly. 

"You should come with me."

"I can't. I'm studying." 

He sighs. "Karkat."

"What?"

"Are you even absorbing anything? This is like the tenth time you've read that book." 

You freeze and look back up at him, feeling the guilt on your face. "But the banquet…" 

He grins. "Come on, I'll be sure to get us back in plenty of time to make you all pretty."

You scoff. "There's not enough time in the world for that." 

"Shut up. You haven't seen you in the good clothes. Besides, what if she asks what you think of the barony?" 

"That's… not a bad point…" you concede.

"Come on, Karkat. Let's go out, ride around the countryside. I know it's not as pretty now that the wheat has all been harvested but it's a lot cooler out now. We can talk, ride together. Just like before."

Your hand reflexively goes to where your ring hangs under your shirt. You smile in spite of yourself as you finally meet his gaze.

"Let's do it." 

You put on your vest, grab a light cloak and one of the apples, and then the two of you are off. 

As you descend the castle, you see the Witches Festival fair beginning to take shape in the town square. A couple dozen people are hard at work assembling stalls and hanging banners from the buildings. In a manner of hours, practically everyone in the barony will be down there singing and dancing, trying the sweets and rich pumpkin and sweet potato dishes, with no expectation of decorum or stratification. 

From what John said, in a normal year, everyone from the castle would be right there with the common folk. Before the Countess' letter came he'd excitedly told you about everything he wanted you to try: the sweets, the breads, the games and folk dances. After the letter he promised you next year. You just hope you can give him the chance to make good on that. 

By the time you reach the stables, Shadowmere and Mouse are already ready to go. Demeem, the stablehand, is mucking out the adjacent stall. He’s a solid man, almost as tall as John and even broader with a wide flat nose and the longest dreadlocks you’ve ever seen, which he keeps tied back with a silk ribbon. His size makes him imposing, but he might be the gentlest man you’ve ever met and the horses love him for it. 

He pauses for a moment, tucking a loc that had come loose from his ponytail behind his ear and smiles at the two of you. 

"Mornin'" he says. "Got your horses ready. This is where we'll be putting Countess Chorrol's when she gets here. And we got plenty of space for her carriage on the end. Should be able to pull it in straight. Couple of septims and a handful of the village lads were more than happy to help." 

"Perfect," John says. 

He takes both horses’ reins and leads them outside. It takes a mere moment for the two of you to get into your respective saddles, and then you’re off at a reasonable trot. Though it’s been nearly a month since you’ve ridden, keeping up with John is nearly effortless. Gods, when did that happen? It wasn’t long ago that even being near a horse scared you. 

John notices and gets a wicked gleam in his eye. “Well,” he says, “First we gotta make sure that the road’s in good shape between here and the border.” 

“That’s, what, a little over two miles?” 

He nods. “Just about. So it’ll take about fifteen minutes at a trot.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, not sure where this is going. “Right.” 

“See you when you catch up!” He kicks Shadowmere into a full gallop and tears off down the dusty road. 

You curse after him and urge Mouse forward. She’s startled and confused, but that makes it easier to urge her into a sprint. From there it’s a race. You haven’t gone further than the little lake at the end of the village since you got here, and John probably knows the way in his sleep. Fortunately, most of the time the local masons have nothing else to do but maintain this stretch of road, and the horses naturally follow the easier path, rather than attempt to cross the fields. Shadowmere is bigger, with a longer stride and the power of Sithis, and he had a head start. But Mouse is slight for a Skyrim horse, and John is a lot heavier than you are. As the fields get rougher and more overgrown, the gap between you and John starts to shrink as Shadowmere starts to tire. 

But John knows you’re coming, and the road isn’t that wide. He keeps glancing over his shoulder, nudging Shadowmere left or right so you can’t get around. 

“That’s a dirty fucking trick, Egbert!” 

He flips you off over his shoulder. 

You growl at him, trying to figure out what to do. Fuck, you wish you knew some kind of magic that didn’t involve setting shit on fire. You should have Jake teach you a calm spell. But then you see your chance: the road curves slightly just up ahead. You grin and hold tight to Mouse’s reins, directing her up over the edge and straight across the scraggly grass. 

“Eat shit, asshole!” You shout at your fiance as you pass him. 

By the time you finish cutting the curve, he has to pull back or he’d plow right into Mouse’s ass. But unlike John, you’re a decent person and keep Mouse galloping at top speed. Or as close to it as she can do uphill after two miles. You’re approaching the border marker rapidly, and a quick glance over your shoulder proves you’re leaving John in the dust. 

You crest the top of the hill and cross the border with several lengths between you and John. The horses startle a murder of crows, which fly off a hundred feet or so before settling back down into a freshly-cleared field. 

“Who’s the better rider now?” You demand as John catches up. 

“Heh, I’ll remember that the next time you ask me to top,” John teases as he slides off of Shadowmere. 

“Hardy fucking har,” you say sarcastically, hopping down. “I won and you know it.”

“Still fun, though,” John replies, grinning. He pats Shadowmere’s heaving flank. “We should probably let these guys have a little rest now, though. Thanks for being a good sport, buddy!” 

Shadowmere shakes his head, you assume because horses are physiologically incapable of rolling their eyes. You take an apple from your pouch and slice off a large chunk to give Mouse as a treat. After what John put you both through, she deserves something for her trouble. That gets Shadowmere’s attention and so you have to give him the rest. You wonder briefly if he misses being your only horse before you decide that’s stupid. Demonic or not, he’s still a horse. 

John sits on a nearby stone fence and looks down into the valley below. You walk over to him and follow his gaze. From here, you can see what you know to be Chorrol’s walls rising in the distance and the Great Forest beyond. The city is scarcely more than a little gray lump sitting atop a golden and brown quilt of fields, woods, and farms, stitched together with stone or wood fences and embellished with cottages and hamlets. The Black Road gently curves down towards the city, disappearing every now and then below the cover of gold and burgundy trees. You know there are guard patrols and carts down there. The Countess is on her way in the carriage right now. But all of those people and horses are nothing more than specks against the gray stone. You’re alone in the middle of the countryside with John, and it gives you more of a pang of nostalgia than you thought it would. You take a seat on the three-foot wall next to him. 

“Someday,” He murmurs softly. 

“Huh?” 

He clears his throat. “Dad says that when he was growing up, our lands looked like that too. I mean, not so much in the west. That was still mostly shepherds. But this side was all farms. Did Uncle Joel tell you that?” 

“Right, but then the war happened.” 

“Yeah, and the damage and Imperial relocations cost us two-thirds of our people.” He sighs and looks down at his lap. “I know Dad regrets not fighting harder, but what could he do? He’d already lost most of the family.” He pauses, then looks out at the valley with renewed determination on his face. “But we’ll get there. I know we will.” 

You take his hand. “We will,” you affirm. “You’ve got a solid start. The population’s gone back up about 50% in thirty years, right? So don’t do anything stupid and even with your evanescent human lifespan you might live to see it.” 

He nudges you with his elbow. “See? I told you, stuff is sticking. You just need to get out of your head.” 

You scowl, “I need to work on my insults. They aren’t doing a damn thing anymore.” 

“When have they ever bugged me?” He laughs. “As soon as I realized you don’t really mean them-” 

“I’ll show you meaning it!” You growl, shoving him backwards. 

He wraps his arms around you, bringing you down with him. The two of you land on your shoulders, laughing and holding each other. John leans in to kiss you, and in that moment you remember what it is to be young and in love. 

When you return to the castle you’re in much higher spirits. John cheerfully reports to his father that their holdings are in the best shape they can be at this time of year. The two of you do a little work helping get the festival ready, and the innkeeper (Mrs. Dralentius, John helpfully supplied) gave you each a couple of candies in thanks. 

By that point it’s up to get ready. You and John wash and shave, then John does your hair. He just starts with water and a comb, but then he starts to work in a tiny bit of this thick cream called Uhigris. You didn’t quite believe him when he said it’d make your hair manageable but it does. Your hair isn’t flat, not really, but it weighs the curls down and defines them better, makes them look intentional. For the first time, you briefly consider growing your hair out. There were so many lice problems in the Gray Quarter you’d never dreamed of it as a child, and then when you’d moved out you’d assumed your hair was too unruly but maybe… 

Then you have to move out of the way so John can have the mirror to plaster down his perennial cowlick. Instead, you go to the wardrobe and pull out the small cedar chest John gave you. You pull out the clothes and check them over carefully, expecting some horrible stain or tear to have appeared somehow. But no, they’re as perfect as ever, which is probably why it feels so wrong to pull them on. You’ve been sleeping on silk for almost two months now, but somehow having it as a shirt feels different. The way the outfit is cut to be looser around the shoulders and thighs and tighter around the forearms and calves makes it feel like it’s designed for someone else, in spite of the fact that it’s bespoke and that every transition hits the exact right spot on your body. You look down at yourself. This outfit is a costume, and an utterly unconvincing one. You might as well be down with the peasants dressed as a lich or something. At least boots are just boots. 

John laces his doublet shut as quickly and easily as breathing and goes to grab his sword and its formal sheath. After he places the weapon on his belt, he looks up at the mirror and smiles. 

“Gods,” he breathes, “Look at us.” 

You do and… he’s right. John is, of course, radiant. The deep blue doublet brings out his eyes and the gold of the embroidery pops. The paler blue silk of his shirt contrasts perfectly with his dark skin, making him look as warm as his personality and his embrace. Though his body will always be more enticing with less on it, the doublet helps emphasize his shape; the breadth of his chest, the strength of his core. The contrast of looseness and tightness in the shirt and pants gives you just a taste of the muscles hiding below. 

But it’s not just John. You… you look like you belong. Your red doublet and black shirt complement your natural colors the same way John’s outfit does for him, and play perfectly with the silver accents. You don’t understand how the same cut of clothing can make you look as lithe and ephemeral as it makes John robust, but it doesn’t matter. It works. 

He offers you his hand and you take it in the graceful, dainty way you’d been taught over the last few days, barely cupping it. 

“What’d I tell you? You hadn’t seen you in the good clothes.” 

You pull the fancy accent on and dressed like this, looking like this, it somehow feels right. “I do not recall that conversation, my darling. But if I did, I’d probably point out that neither of us had seen me with my hair under control.” 

He laughs and then puts on his proper accent, “Well then, what say you we bring you to your first official event as a member of House Egbert?” 

“I say that sounds splendid.” 

Hand in hand, the two of you descend down the stairs without a single misstep. 

The rest of the family waits for you in the main hall. The tables have been moved, arranged into a large U shape with the opening facing towards the entrance. A couple of musicians who you think normally play in the tavern glance up for a moment when you enter before turning back to each other and speaking softly. 

The men in John’s family wear similar styles of outfits to yours, but none of them match quite the way you and John do. Jake’s is the most similar, but rather than flare out at the hip, his green doublet ends and he wears separate pantaloons. On the other end of the spectrum, John’s father and Uncle have much looser, almost robe-like vests that stop at the mid-thigh. You don’t know enough to say whether that’s an older style, or just viewed as more appropriate for men their age. For the first time, you see John’s father wearing his badge of office, a golden circlet with a large black gem in the center, and carvings reminiscent of Daedric script around it. 

Jade’s dress has a similar silhouette to her daily dresses, except she also has the puffed sleeves, but has several different shades of green silk woven into a plant-like pattern. It’s also cut much lower than her other dresses, and you think her purplish-brown bodice might be laced tighter than usual. You make a valiant effort to stop noticing that and the low gold and emerald necklace she wears. She claps and grins when she sees the two of you. 

“Aw! You guys look so cute together!” 

You feel yourself begin to blush. 

And John, seeming to feel every bit as awkward says, “Thanks, um, you too.” 

She laughs and loops her arm around Dave’s. If anyone looks out of place here, it’s him. His clothes are closer to a Nordic style, with most of his body covered in a long quilted coat made of burgundy velvet. 

“Aren’t you hot in that?” You ask. 

He winks, “You’re damn right I am.” Jade elbows him. “For real though, I’m fine.” He reaches down the neck of his shirt and fishes out a silver pendant pulsing with a faint blue light. “Amulet of ice.” 

“I need one of those for next summer,” you say. 

“400 septims.” 

“He’ll do it for free,” Jade says, elbowing him again. 

“Listen, if I do one for him, I’ll have to do one for everyone.” 

“Make it a wedding present.” 

“Anyway, what’s the word on Liv?” John asks. 

“She arrived very shortly after you returned.” John’s father says. “I showed her to the room she’ll be staying in. I believe she is preparing as we speak. She knows supper will be ready in about an hour and a half, but I do not know exactly when she’ll choose to join us.” 

“So, what?” You ask, dropping John’s hand. “We just wait here?” 

“Yep!” John says. “I mean, Dad’s the host, but none of us can really tell her what to do. The food’s gonna be ready when it’s ready, but other than that we’re on her time table.” 

“Right.” 

“Please do try to hide your disgust with the hierarchy while our liege is present,” Joel says. 

“Huh?” 

“Has anyone ever told you that you have an incredibly emotive face, Karkat?” 

“Shit. Uh, sorry.” You try to put a blank expression on your face. 

John chuckles. “Now you look like you have gas.” 

“...Man we’re so fucked.” You murmur in Dunmeri. 

“Hey, don’t worry. It’s gonna be fine. Remember, just stay next to me, follow my lead, and now… I don’t know, think about puppies or something?” 

“I’m not a dog person,” you remind him. 

“Yeah, that’s Jade.” 

“Hey!” she calls out, but then she grins. You can practically see the wolf tail wagging. 

At that point the door opens. Truss, the older page, enters and clears his throat. “Introducing her Excellency, Olivia Valga, Countess of Chorrol.” 

John takes your hand less delicately than before as the whole family, with the exception of Joel, rushes into position in a receiving line. The bards quickly begin playing softly. Once you’re all ready to go, Truss opens the door. An Imperial woman glides in. She wears a dark blue velvet dress with silver details. White lace rims every hem, and her arms are heavy with bracelets and rings. Her long black hair is intricately woven into a single massive braid with several baubles inserted. Atop her head she wears a large silver circlet with a sapphire half the size of your fist embedded in it. Behind her walks an Argonian wearing a nice cream gown and veils over her fins. She almost looks familiar. You wonder if any of her relatives work at the Assemblage. Not that you’re likely to get a chance to ask. While the Countess is around, she’s invisible. 

“Welcome, my Countess,” John’s dad says. He takes her hand and kisses it. 

“Oh Jack, there’s no need for such formalities with me. You’ve always been like an uncle to me. I’m glad to finally sample your hospitality.” 

“We’re delighted to have you. I hope you can forgive my brother for not standing to greet you. At seventy, getting around with one leg is enough of a challenge for him.” 

“Of course, I understand we all have our limitations” She nods in his direction. 

“Naturally, you remember my son…” 

“How could I ever forget? It’s wonderful to see you again, John.” 

“The feeling is mutual, Liv.” John also takes her hand and kisses it. 

“You’ll need to tell me all about your trip to Skyrim! I understand it was quite exciting! And certainly rather rewarding.” She turns her gaze to you. “After all, what Egbertian adventure is complete without bringing home a spouse?” 

He chuckles. It’s not the carefree laugh you’ve learned to love, but a lot more restrained, measured. “What adventure indeed? This is my betrothed, Karkat Vantas. I asked for his hand this spring. As is tradition for us, he’s not a noble, but he and his family are well-connected with the Dunmer of Skyrim, and I’ve been teaching him our ways.” 

“It’s delightful to meet you, Karkat.” 

“Likewise,” Your voice comes out in your attempt at a proper accent, rather than your father’s. Shit. Fuck. Well, we’re rolling with it now. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Countess Valga. John has told me so much about you.” 

“All good things, I hope.” 

“Of course.” 

She offers you her hand and you kiss it as you were taught. “And please,” she says, “anyone so close to my favorite page can call me Liv.” 

“Liv, please, it’s been eleven years since I left,” John says. 

“I know, but you were so darling! I think it may be because you were the right age to really look up to me.”

You don’t know what to do now. Everyone’s been introducing the next person down the line but… 

“Jake,” she says, turning her attention to him. Thank Stendarr. “It’s nice to see you again. How are this year’s new apprentices?” 

“Oh, every class has its quirks. But we’ll get them in tip-top shape in no time!” 

“I have every faith in you and your family. You know, my youngest brother turns fourteen next year. I understand you must be objective in selecting apprentices, but perhaps we can speak about his prospects.” 

“I’d be happy to. Though I’d prefer to talk to the lad too, find out his ambitions and see how he handles himself.” 

“Lovely, we’ll set up a meeting. I’m sure my mother will have an opinion as well.” 

“And your sister?” She asks, looking at Jade.

“Oh, I’m still getting my feet back under me. I only arrived home last week.” 

“Now, I haven’t heard as much about your escapades, Jade.” 

“Well, my adventure didn’t involve dragons.” 

“I see it also involved finding a man, though.” 

“It did! This is Dave, he was instrumental in helping me avoid a proxy civil war in High Rock.” 

“Pleased to meet you,” Dave says with his stupid flawless fancy accent. He bows deeply.

“High Rock? Are you a Breton?” She asks. 

“No,” he says, “I’m a Nord.” 

“Indeed?” 

“It’s a long, sad story.” 

“I’d love to hear it.” 

“Well,” He shifts uncomfortably. “Perhaps suffice it to say my father was a high elf, and my mother was… less than thrilled.” 

“Ah. Yes, say no more. I should have realized, such things often happen in the wake of wars and occupations.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Well,” John’s father says, clapping his hands together, “The Apprentices will be joining us for supper, but we still have a bit of time before that. Now, let’s have some wine, enjoy each other’s company, or perhaps the gardens? They’re starting to be a bit sad, but fall has its own beauty, don’t you think?”

One of the servants, a teenager named Theocus, comes out with a tray laden with pewter wine goblets. John’s father takes the lead, talking about the vintage and this year’s grape harvest and the status of the vineyards here and blah, blah, blah. But still, you’re grateful. If he’s talking, you have less of a chance to say the wrong thing. You need to write to your father. He’ll want to know you’ve overcome your medical inability to shut the fuck up. 

Unfortunately, it gives you time to analyze and over analyze everything you do: your stance, your facial expressions, if you’re drinking enough, if you’re drinking too much. You keep looking to John, and every now and then he gives you a little reassurance: a touch of the arm or a little smile. Maybe being his arm candy isn’t as bad as you thought it would be. At least you can feel confident you look the part. 

You successfully manage to answer a couple of questions when they’re directed at you, mostly about your opinions of the barony, adjusting to Cyrodiil, that type of stuff. You have your canned responses ready, try to make them sound as good as possible. But, good to his word, John takes the lead and directs the conversation whenever it turns to the two of you. Sometimes he’ll prompt you for your input, give you the chance to respond, and then take back over. 

Fortunately (and you’re still not entirely sure how rigid the seating rules are, other than “most important people near the middle”), once you’re seated you have John, his uncle, and his father between yourself and the countess. Even with the music and multiple conversations reverberating through the high-ceilinged stone hall, you’re positive you could make yourself heard, but you have no desire to do so. Instead, you and John mostly wind up talking to Gitmel (who’s technically at the next table, but whatever) about her ongoing research with Ayleid stones. Most of the stuff she talks about with resonances goes over your head, but it’s at least mildly interesting to compare the Aylied with the Dwemer. 

It’s almost… pleasant? Maybe the wine is starting to get to you. It’ll be hard to tell until you stand. The food certainly helps. Marcellia prepares a veritable banquet for everyone on a normal day, and tonight she’s gone all out. You understand now why she called so many of hte apprentices in to help her in the kitchens. She’s made an entire young pig, a capon, several pigeons or some other small birds, and at least three kinds of mutton, on top of intricately woven breads, miscellaneous pies, and more local vegetables than you can hope to identify. She’s even put together a multi-tiered aspic. (You try a little bit and though you’re not a fan you at least appreciate it’s a fancy thing that took a lot of work.) 

But all too soon, dinner is finished. The moment the last of the dishes are brought back to the kitchen, the bards start playing just a little bit louder and a little bit more intensely. A couple of the teenage apprentices are the first to get up and start dancing, then Jade drags Dave out onto the floor. Jake, who had been sitting beside the countess, says something to her and then the two of them are off. You look at John nervously. 

“It’s okay,” he says. “Yanno, if you were actually any good I’d just be dragging you down.” 

You can’t help but laugh at that, as does John’s uncle. Fuck, though, some of the kids are good. Their steps are precise, so fast, and they complement each other perfectly. You sincerely hope these are younger noble children, ones who served as pages or maids only to learn that their real choices in life were legion officer or priest. Honestly, you’ve spent such little time with the apprentices you’re not sure. 

John stands and offers you his hand the way he did in your chambers a few short hours ago. With a deep breath you take it and rise to your feet. Glancing about the hall, you see that no one is really looking at you very closely. Maybe John’s dad and uncle, but everyone dancing is far more interested in their partners. 

It still doesn’t quite feel right, but you have to admit it makes a little more sense in the doublet. Helps you keep your spine straight, anyway. And the softer soles of the fine boots make it easier to keep your steps light and dainty. You hold your own for the first few songs, the old-fashioned processionals and traditional Cyrodilic banquet dances. You’re not great, but neither is John. You’re not the best judge, but either Jake and the countess or those two apprentices who won’t admit they’re dating are probably winning. But you haven’t been told you’re offensively bad, anyway. 

Then the countess breaks away from Jake for a moment and approaches the bards. From where you are you can’t hear what she says, but the music pauses for a moment. The bard playing the harpsichord changes the tempo from a 4/4 to a 3/4. As the flute and lyre rejoin, you realize you recognize the style, light and bouncy and elven. This is an Altmer dance, the one you could never quite get right. You take a step away from John.

“Are you thirsty?” You ask. “I’m thirsty. I’m going to get some wine.” 

“I’m good,” he says.

You give him a sharp look. 

“I’ll come with you, though. Not a bad idea to take a breather.” 

Before you’re even back to your seat, Theocus is there with a pitcher of wine. 

“Take your time,” you murmur to him. 

You’re not the only one who’s bowed out. Most of the apprentices are taking the opportunity to have more water, and many of them are chatting amongst themselves. But that gives the remaining four couples more space. There’s two pairs of apprentices, including the two that started the night, Dave and Jade, and Jake and the countess. 

You hate to admit it, but when done correctly the dance is beautiful. The expressive arm movements almost remind you of Dunmeri folk dances, but combined with the same light stepping of Cyrodilic dances. The couples are arranged in a square, and they begin to switch partners, the leads breaking away to circle one another, then the followers. But they eventually always return to the same base corner, walking in a circle with their palms gently touching. 

When the first song ends, the pair of apprentices that are totally dating go down and join in, apparently gathering up their nerve. There’s a bit of a shakeup in partners, as Dave steps away. You watch him tap his chest, where you know his amulet is hidden, and walk out of the hall. Jade approaches her brother to take his place, and the countess gracefully nods her head and comes back to the table. She takes a few sips of her wine, and then locks her eyes on you. 

She approaches smiling. “John, my dear, you look a bit sad.” 

“Oh, not at all. Just watching.” 

“Do you remember the choreography my father had everyone learn ahead of my wedding?” 

“I think so. It’s been a while, though.” 

“Want to give it a try?” 

He gives you a worried glance. 

You plaster a fake smile on your face. “Go have fun. I’ll be here.” 

“Alright.” He gives your shoulder a little squeeze and then takes her hand the way he took yours. 

The two walk away, speaking too softly for you to hear. She leads him to the center of the room and everyone else seems to give them a little more space. It seems like everyone is watching them. John notices and looks around nervously.

You can almost hear her words when she looks at him gently. “Don’t pay attention to them. Eyes on me.” 

Your stomach clenches and you down your wine. Theocus kind of gives you a look. You glance over to John and the countess. Their eyes are locked, hands lightly touching as they start their dance. Theocus looks at them, back to you, and then shrugs as if to say “fair enough” and refills your goblet. 

The apprentices have all gone to the benches along the edge of the hall, just leavine Jake and Jade and John and the Countess. The choreography is a lot more complicated, and requires all four to coordinate. Each of them stumbles at least once, but it doesn’t seem to matter. They’re smiling and laughing and it ties your stomach in knots. 

When the first song ends. 

The countess laughs and says “Let’s try that again.”

The other three agree. The music starts back up and they try again, this time more assured. Jade is doing this with her brother. It doesn’t mean anything. You know it doesn’t mean anything. And yet… Watching John and the countess look at each other like that. 

It’s around then that Dave comes back. He watches the four of them for a moment, then looks up at you. He walks up along the edge of the hall, staying out of the dancers’ way. 

He plops down in John’s chair. “You know,” he says. “During dinner Liv spent a lot of time asking about the local flavor in Skyrim.” 

“So what? You think they’re just doing that to talk about our trip?” 

“Nah, they’re not talking. I’m thinking that this is 3/4 time. So,” he bows and puts the accent back on, “May I have this dance, Mr. Vantas?” 

You give him a wicked grin. “Oh, Sir Strider, I’d be delighted.” 

He takes you by the hand for real and says, “You can lead since you’re taller.”

Having watched the dance once, you know about how far they go, and that most of the U between the tables is safe. You put your hand on Dave’s hip, he puts his on your shoulder and gives you a twitch of a smile. As you begin to dance with Dave, it’s the most comfortable you’ve felt all night. The upper arms of your shirt are a little tight for this, especially when you help Dave do a spin or two, but you actually feel like you know what you’re fucking doing. 

Before you know it, the song ends. You and Dave stand there, together for a moment, and then over his shoulder you notice everyone looking at the two of you. You turn to look at John and the Countess, and they’re both staring at you utterly gobsmacked. 

You saunter up to the two of them and clear your throat. “Dave told me you were interested in knowing more about Skyrim culture, and thought you might want a demonstration.” 

The countess collects herself quickly. “That was… certainly something. I suppose that’s a folk dance?” 

“As I understand the Jarls do it as well,” John says, “Not that there was much time to attend proper banquets during a war.” 

“Fascinating. Perhaps I should arrange a visit someday,” The countess says. “It is a rather charming dance.” She looks up at John. “So that I’m prepared for such an event, do you think you could teach me?” 

You feel your face fall. 

John shakes his head. “I… Probably wouldn’t be the best teacher. Karkat taught me actually. Him and his friends.”

“Oh, nonsense.” 

“Well, for now, I think I might have been neglecting my fiance a bit too long.” 

“John…” She says, a bit of sharpness in her voice that hadn’t been present before. 

Dave swoops in Jade and Jake in tow. “Hey,” he says, “These two were interested in learning too. Let me show you all at once, let them have their fun.” 

“That’s very kind of you, Sir Strider,” she says. “I’d appreciate your tutelage.” 

You smirk and take John back out onto the floor. 

“Karkat,” He says, voice low and serious. “What are you doing with all this?” 

“Dancing. Showing her I know what I’m doing.” 

“You know most Imperials… think this is too close for dancing.” 

“Most imperials can suck my dick. You brought home a foreign elf, you told me she wants to know about adventures in Skyrim, let’s show her.” 

He sighs. “Karkat, keep it together.” 

“I have it together,” you hiss. 

You see the countess start dancing with Dave. She’s a little uncertain, and it’s always going to be a little awkward because Dave is leading and he’s half a head shorter than her. But she’s catching on quickly. Too quickly for your taste. 

When the song ends, she approaches you. 

“Alright, then,” she says. “Mind if I cut in? I’d love to continue our conversation.”

“Come on,” you growl, your accent slipping. “Can’t you just leave him alone?” 

“Karkat!” John hisses

“Excuse me?” the countess asks. Her tone is still fairly even but you can hear the threat. And you don’t like it.  

“You were on him at the first opportunity and haven’t let up since then! John is my fiance, not yours!” 

Her nostrils flare. “You insult my honor and forget your place.”

You scoff. “Yeah, I think we all fucking know my place. I’m not made for this kind of charade and had no time to learn to bullshit may way through properly, since you gave us less than a fucking week before dropping in! Then you needle me with comments about being cute and quaint and monopolize John’s time all night! I don’t know what your game was, if you were hoping to get a rise out of me to prove I’m not good enough, or if your head is so far up your own ass that you have no idea how to talk to people who don’t bow to your every whim, and at this point, I don’t care.” 

“That’s enough!” John’s father stands. You think this is the first time you’ve heard him raise his voice. It booms through the hall, and you feel an immense weight in your chest as you realize what you’ve done. 

“Fuck.” You whisper. You look back at the countess. Congratulations,” you say. “You win.” 

Before the words even leave your mouth you hate yourself for them. You storm out of the hall before you can make things worse. 

—

You’d say you can’t believe he did that, but you absolutely can. That might be why you’re the first person to stop gawking after Karkat’s outburst. 

“Gods, Liv, I’m so, so sorry. I’m not sure what’s gotten into him! He’s not usually like that!” 

In your mind Miraak scoffs. Sure, you also know it’s a lie, but it’s the one you need to tell. 

Liv just shakes her head. “My… my goodness. I’d always heard tell Dunmer have a fire in them, but that’s just-” She turns to Jake, “Did you hear the way he spoke to me?” 

“I did,” he says. “I, er, think we all did.” 

You think the whole county did. 

“He’s…” You choose your words carefully. “He is a work in progress. Dunmer, especially those in Windhelm, are a proud people, and Karkat is, if nothing else, fiercely loyal.” 

“Loyalty? You tell me about loyalty and he just-” she gestures to the door. 

You’re not sure what to say to that, but by then your father is there. 

“My apologies for his outburst,” he says, “It shall be dealt with.” 

“Wait, what do you mean by that?” You demand. 

He gives you a hard look. 

“Dad, you can’t just- after all we’ve been through!” 

“Well, it is not up to me whether Her Excellency feels it right to forgive him.” 

You turn back to Liv. She’s clearly still reeling from shock, but you’re beginning to see anger creep back in. 

We can stop them both, Miraak says. Make them do whatever you want.

Until the spell fades, then we’re in even deeper shit. 

I’m not proposing using the Shouts. I can perform a very subtle calm spell. 

It won’t work on Dad.

What about her?

We can’t risk it. 

At this point what else is there to risk? 

…You have a point. 

Speak, child, and trust me. 

“I’ll go talk to him,” you say. You can feel a prickling sensation on your tongue, almost like mint, as Miraak works magic into your words. Gods, you hope this works. 

Keep talking. This spell is delicate and precise. It takes time to sink in. Make sure your words would be soothing on their own so that no one suspects a thing. If she knows she’s being manipulated all will be lost. 

“He was wrong to confront you on all counts, but it is true that he has not had much time to learn to behave in high society. It is… a significant drawback to choosing our partners as we do, I’ll admit. But if I remember correctly, my father’s first wife also struggled with etiquette when she first arrived, having grown up in Valenwood, and your parents grew to love her, right?” 

“That is true…” your father admits. He gets a wistful look on his face, and part of you regrets bringing her up but… 

Keep talking! And don’t give them more openings! 

“Karkat is a good person,” You say quickly. Gods, you’re so nervous your accent is slipping a little. But you have to keep pushing. “He’s been working so hard every single day to catch up because he didn’t have the noble education we did. I know he’ll get there. He cares about everything more than anyone I’ve ever met. Sometimes too much, I know, but there are benefits to being that passionate.” You lower your voice, making it almost a whisper. “Gods, Liv, you should have seen the way the people in Windhelm listen to his father, the way his friends listen to him. And I know you’re skeptical about the loyalty right now because his anger was so clearly misplaced, but I know he did that because he cares deeply about me. He doesn’t know you well enough to give you his loyalty yet, but he’ll get there. I know he will.”

Just a little longer, Miraak says. 

“He lost control, and that’s bad. But, Liv, if you wrote off everyone who lost control in front of you, everyone knows I wouldn’t be here today. Please, let me talk to him, give him a chance to apologize and prove himself to you.”

As you speak the last few words, the tingling sensation leaves your tongue, and you think you see a bit of green flash in her eyes. 

It is done.  

Liv looks at your father for a moment. His features are expressionless as usual. 

“Very well,” Liv says. “Once he has calmed down I’ll hear his case.” She glances around, noticing how literally everyone is staring at you. “Perhaps somewhere a little more private? No need to drag this scene out any further than necessary. Go speak to him.” You jump to follow her instructions. “In the meantime, Jack, I’d like your opinion on his prospects.” 

He takes her hand and starts leading her back to the head table. “Karkat is absolutely still rough around the edges, but what John says is true…” 

You close the door before you can hear anything else. 

I can’t believe that worked, you think. 

Why not? Humans are such simple creatures. Noble or peasant, it makes no difference. Elves and the bestial races present a bit more of a challenge, but only a bit. The mind is such a fickle, fragile thing… 

And she won’t know we cast a spell on her?

No. No one will. That’s the beauty of targeted emotional manipulation. But it… takes a lot out of me. I’m going to have to teach you.

We’re not doing it again. 

Of course not… 

He sinks into the back of your mind. 

We did what we had to, you think. I did what I had to. 

You climb the stairs to your chambers. Karkat hasn’t lit any candles, so you cast magelight. You call out for him but get no response. Maybe he’s not up here? Then you open the door to your bedroom. There’s an elf-sized lump under the blankets and you hear sniffing and muffled sobs. It hurts to see him this upset, but you’re relieved he didn’t just run away into the dark somewhere. 

“Hey,” You say softly. 

“Fuck John, I’m sorry. I fucked everything up.”

“It’s gonna be okay. Dad's talking to Liv,” You say, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “He'll smooth it all over. But you’re gonna have to apologize.”

“She started it!” He snarls. “She provoked me, climbing all over you like that!”

“She was a little much tonight,” you admit, gently placing your hand on the lump of blanket containing your fiance. “I’m not sure if she was trying to test you and you took the bait, or if she was just playing around. I should have prepared you for it better, but that kind of flirting is all just a game. It doesn’t mean anything to anyone. Liv loves… okay, I don’t actually know how much she loves her husband, but she’s completely loyal to him, and I love you.” 

“Then why?” 

“I don’t know. That’s just how it’s done. I know you don’t know all the rules yet. If anyone was expecting you to have all of them it’d be a massive dick move. But at the same time, you did… kinda overreact. Like a lot. You can’t just shout at a countess like that. Especially not your countess.” 

“It’s fucking bullshit,” he says, poking his head out. “So she’s just allowed to say whatever the fuck she wants and I have to take it?” 

“I mean, kinda?” 

“It’s not right!”

“I know. But it's not about being right.” You smile sadly down at him. “It's about convincing more powerful people that you're not a threat.” 

“Why would I want to do that?!” Karkat snaps. “I was supposed to get her to take me seriously, not make her think we’re her playthings!” 

You sigh. “We can't fight every battle. At least not on this level. The cost is too high.”

“So we just let her push us around?”

“Only when it doesn't matter.”

Karkat looks at you incredulously. “How the fuck doesn’t this matter?” 

“Because this is just a social call. Who cares if you look stupid or she thinks of you as a toy or a pet or whatever as long as when push comes to shove she'll fight for us? If she wanted she could revoke our title, expose us as daedra worshipers, do anything she wanted. But she doesn't, because she likes us.” 

“For fuck's sake, though, can't she give us a fucking ounce of respect?” 

You stand. “I… I'm sorry.” 

“You’re sorry?” He asks. “For what?” 

You walk over to one of the tapestries and begin playing the the fringe. “I- I knew you were stressed. You hadn't been acting like yourself. You were barely swearing, forcing this fake smile all the time.” You glance back at him and he’s got his eyebrows lightly furrowed, a small pout on his lips. He’s listening. “I knew that, so I tried to help you relax earlier. And I knew it wasn’t enough the second dinner started, but I kept telling Liv whatever she wanted to hear anyway. I pushed you too far.” 

“John, you-” Then he cuts himself off and his face hardens. “Wait, fuck, you're doing it now, arent you!?” 

“This isn’t the same.” You say. 

“It absolutely is! I see you do this all the time: you pretend to be dumb and friendly to soothe the situation when people get pissed.” 

“I don't do it to everyone, Karkat.” You go back to the bed and try to take his hand but he pulls it away. “I don't do it to people I trust. You know me.” 

“I thought I did.”

He might as well have reached right through your ribs and crushed your heart. “I've shown you everything. You've been in my soul. I've been in yours. What more can you want?!”  

“I don’t know!” He shouts. Then he wraps his arms around his knees and looks down. “I don’t know.” He repeats. He sniffles and you see candle light reflect off of the tears in the corners of his eyes “I want to be good enough for you. But good enough isn’t good enough. I’m the half-breed son of a disgraced spy and an adultress. I’d have to be perfect, better than perfect just to make up for the crime of being me.”

“That’s not true.” 

“It is, though. Your uncle told me.” 

“He did what?!” you demand.  

“Well…” he shifts uncomfortably. “Not in as many words but… it felt pretty clear. I had to shape up, I had to have her accept me, or you’d have to find someone else. This was my only chance.” 

You feel your heart plunge into your stomach. 

“No.” You say, standing. 

“No?” He looks up at you in confusion. “But you said it yourself-” 

“It was going to be. But I talked her into giving you another shot.” 

“Really? How? After I-” 

“I… Can be persuasive. And I know the rules.” 

“What, did you bat your eyelashes at her some more?” he snaps. 

“It wasn’t flirty, actually. Just… said the right things the right way, I guess.”

He looks at you curiously. You have to press on. 

“We still need to impress her tonight, but the night isn’t over.  Let’s get you cleaned up. We’re going downstairs.” 

—

The countess waits for you in the trophy room. She stands with her arms crossed squarely behind her back, staring into the fire burning on the far side of the room. John’s ancestors look down at you from their portraits above her. You’re not sure if it’s your nerves or how thin the line between worlds is tonight, but you feel them judging you. You glance over to the first portrait, Colonel Sassacre… Sheogorath. You already have his blessing, but how much does that really help? 

“Liv,” John says firmly. He has his shoulders squared and is standing at his full height. “Thank you for waiting for us.”

She glances over at the two of you. John is head and shoulders taller than her, but she’s utterly unintimidated. “I find it prudent to hear my vassals out, at least. Whether or not I take their positions is another matter.” 

“I understand.” John replies. “But I was not thinking of this as a negotiation.” 

“What is it then?” She asks sharply. 

“I’ve come to apologize,” you say, putting on your best accent. 

“Indeed,” she replies. Her tone is flat, disbelieving. “Please take a seat.” She gestures to the two large armchairs facing the fireplace. 

You look at John. He silently nods and you sit before speaking. 

“I… allowed my anger to get the better of me and acted without thinking. In doing so I insulted you, and for that I’m deeply sorry. It was a poor first impression, to say the least.” 

John gives you an approving smile. 

“That it was,” the countess says. “And among higher nobility, first impressions are everything. What if I had been the emperor?” 

“I’m not asking for your approval,” you say. “Not yet, anyhow. I just… Please give me another chance.” 

She turns and appraises you, her pale blue eyes, which looked at you and John so kindly mere hours ago, tear into you like an ice wraith’s bite. You’ve combed your hair back down, straightened your clothes perfectly. You’d hold your own in a Tribunal delegation, and you know it. At least until you opened your mouth. 

“How long have you been here?” 

“Since Last Seed,” You reply. “Most of my training has been in local history and administration. The plan was to pivot to etiquette after Sir Joel evaluated my ability to serve as John’s right hand. We… were anticipating more time before I met you.” 

“Liv,” John says, dropping the formal accent. “You’ve known me since I was seven. You know that I know how to play the game. And I believe in Karkat. Out of everyone I met, there’s no one I’d rather work with. He’s who I want.” 

“Love is blind, John,” she says. 

“But I’m not. And I’m not a kid anymore either. At some point, you’re going to need to trust me to make major decisions. You weren’t in Skyrim. You didn’t see the way he brought people together. The way he fought tooth and nail to save everyone. He had a way out multiple times and he never took it.” 

She looks directly at you. “He could be playing a long game.” 

“I’m not!” You insist. 

“John’s already said his piece on your behalf. Twice now. As did his father and uncle. But I need you to prove the value in those words. Convince me.” 

You start to snap back, but kill the words before they leave your throat. 

“No,” she says. “Say it.” 

You take a deep breath. “If… If I was just in this for the money or status, why would I have called you out in front of everyone? If I didn’t care about John, it would have been easy to sit back and watch you two together. But I just- I couldn’t.” 

“John?” She says. 

“Yes?” 

“Leave.” 

“But I-” 

“Go. It is nearly midnight, and I believe you have a ritual to perform.” 

He looks at you with concern clear on his face, but you nod at him. 

“Alright,” he says. He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze and then leaves the office, closing the door behind him. 

“You understand that behaving like you did tonight is unacceptable, yes?” 

“I do. Which is why I came to apologize.”

“Then why do it? Why jeopardize your status?”

“I… I was jealous,” You admit.  

“Of what?” 

“John… when he was younger he used to like you. He told me a long time ago. And then seeing you tonight, without understanding the nuances and particularities of courtly interactions, I misunderstood both of your intents. I felt jealous and let it get the better of me. I am working on my temper.”

“Indeed. You, Karkat Vantas, are an unsophisticated brute without the first concept of deference or decorum.” You wince. “And I can work with that. The only thing I truly require from my vassals is loyalty. I need to know above all else that I can trust you. You’ve certainly won over the Egbert family. After you left, John spoke quite passionately in your favor, and Jack and Joel both spoke quite highly of your abilities and character.” 

“They did?” You ask. “Like, Joel specifically?” 

“This is a surprise to you?” She asks. 

“Er…” You snap back into formal mode. “He has very high standards. And I know I still have much to learn.”

“I see. But that does not answer the primary question.” She turns sharply and marches towards you, bending down so your eyes lock. “Can I trust you, Mr. Vantas?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good.” She sits in the chair beside you. “So, then, while the Egberts channel a dark god, tell me your story. Omit nothing of importance, no matter how it makes you look. After that, I will tell you how you can best be of use to my county. And keep trying with the accent. The practice can only help.” 

—

End notes:

So I spent like 2 days doing research on specifically 1400s-ish banquets and feasts to write like 2 paragraphs of details. I then spent a further 2 days researching what went into managing a barony in the later medieval and early modern periods. Like a lot of history, the answer is “idk, it depends *shrug emoji.*” A lot of the sources are about England and France, which the Empire is probably closer to politically, but the climate is all over the place and the names are certainly Latin/Italian inspired. Given its proximity to Hammerfell and being at the foot of the mountains, I’m giving Battlehorn a Near East adjacent climate, but historically that area has a very different culture and style to what appears in Cyrodiil so this is a case of having done a good chunk of research and then deciding to mostly throw it out the window. 

 A lot of the political background details I’m saving for if they become relevant later (like, for example, the 50-odd townspeople I have now named and given life stories), but some of the feast stuff was kind of interesting, so I thought I’d include some historical notes here. 

While I’m using banquet and feast interchangeably, there was usually some sort of difference with the former being fancier occasions. But regardless, the tables would be arranged in a U with everyone seated around the outside so that servants could bring things and take it away more easily (I was not able to confirm, but part of me wonders if this is why everyone is on the one side of the table in the Last Supper painting). In the earlier medieval era, food would be served on bread trenchers to sop up juice. However, by the early modern period, these had mostly been replaced by flat wooden trenchers, which is closer to what we see in the Elder Scrolls games. Music would be playing the whole time, and dancing was a must. 

It turns out that there’s actually a lot we know about formal dancing during the Renaissance, since a lot of kings and dukes and such employed dance masters to teach courtiers more complex choreography, and some of these masters wrote and sold dance books (Some of the more prosperous counts and countesses in Cyrodiil probably do this, but the Egberts certainly would not). There were some processionals (think like two lines approaching each other and walking back), but they were somewhat old fashioned by that point. To the modern eye, a lot of the popular dances look really goofy. Because of how stiff the clothing was in the upper body (think like Elizabethan ruffled collars), there wasn’t much movement in the upper body, but a lot of prancing and jumping. (Eventually, these would develop into ballet). By the mid 1600s, minuets had become dominant in England and France, and I like to think that maybe this is a Altmer dance that’s become more popular in Cyrodiil since the Aldmeri Dominion’s influence has grown and a lot of Cyrodiilic nobles try to suck up to them. People Jake’s age are probably the oldest to have learned it, but by the time John was growing up, they were standard. 

Waltzes are kind of a weird case. It seems they were invented near Vienna in the 13th century, but it took 600 years for them to make their way to England. In the 1800s when they first showed up, many of the upper crust thought it was scandalous, due to how close the man and woman were. I was purposefully vague on how Nordic dancing worked in the original Skyrim Johnkat, but I’m giving this to the Nords, somewhat arbitrarily but also because it worked and, like I said, we’re playing fast and loose with historical inspirations. Just about everyone who lives in Skyrim adapted the waltz fairly quickly because (just like in real life) any excuse to be good to your cute dance partner is a good excuse. (Also, Nords and Dunmer are somewhat used to sharing dances, as both traditionally practice forms of circle dance, and while the forms are distinct, they share centuries of cultural exchange and adaptation, dating back to before the eruption of Red Mountain). At this point, the Imperials consider the Waltzes to be a northern folk dance, much like Dunmeri and Nordic circle dancing. And while it is viewed as more graceful and refined than the circle dancing, it’s also more scandalous. 

But it could be worse, it could be Redguard dancing, which is normally done like a competition between two individuals or groups, and tends to feature stomps or otherwise firmer leg movements and very expressive and often quick movements in the upper torso. Because it is, in many ways, the opposite of the primary form of court dancing, most nobles consider it to be incredibly base. It is, however, the primary form of dancing enjoyed by the Battlehorn peasants, along with Colovian folk dancing, which is similar but does not involve as strong stances and often has slightly smaller hand movements. (Having spent most of his life in Battlehorn and taking part in folk celebrations, these are the forms of dancing John is more comfortable and skilled in. That and the wide, strong stances are closer to how he’s used to moving his body for combat training). 

#homestuck #skyrim #johnkat #john egbert #karkat vantas #i lived bitch

[usaigi]

Marc, Jake & Steven

Lunar sys au character cards | Read all chapters on ao3

Continuation of Birdy calling their dad, Marc finds out

CW: referencing past suicide attempts and past suicide idealization (does not go into detail), discussing mental illness, joking about mental illness

Birdy Spector Tuesday – 3:12 PM

Attachment: Fullhouse-Only-It’s-In-My-Head.ppt Lunar-sys.docx image_642.jpeg

I made the powerpoint when we first started seeing our therapist but some of the information has changed. At the time, I only knew about Marc, Steven, Jake, and myself. 

Steven and I made another document with some info about the others 

I know SMJ made another document that’s like a history/timeline of everything we’ve been through but they won’t show it to me 😒

Which is bs because I literally have all the trauma for trying to unalive ourselves but they think I can’t handle it 

Elias Spector – Tuesday 5:26 PM

Thanks. Is it ok if I show this to my therapist? Also, I finished reading two books you recommended, we can talk about it next time you can call. 

The cat is very cute. 

Sorry to ask but

Since leaving home

Did you attempt again?

Birdy Spector – Wednesday 11:32 AM

Yeah, that's fine

Not me, just Marc I think. He’s doing better though. 

Probably lol 

Jake’s really good at keeping us safe

He;s funny, Jake made him a jar and now Marc has to drop a dollar every time he makes a joke about dying lmao

Also whenever Daniela is mean 

or anyone says someone mean about themselves

Although

It’s less funny when he makes me do it 😒

Elias Spector – Wednesday 12:57 PM

I’m just glad you’ll are safe now

I understand you dislike labels but just for my comprehension, is it safe to say that you didn’t have BPD and/or Bipolar disorder? Was it just different alters fronting?

Birdy Spector - Wednesday 4:46 PM

Not sure 🤷🏼 

What gets confusing is that while yes we are separate alters and all but we do all share the same brain, body, hormones, etc. And even when we’re not fronting/co-con, we can still have influence 

So its hard to tell if we are acting a certain way because of another disorder or if its related to DID

Steven and I were reading about how childhood trauma shapes dna, brain development, how bodies react, etc it’s wild ngl

Maybe depression with mixed features? We’re testing out some new mood stabilizers to see if they help. Not everyone is good at logging the effects/side effects Steven and I are the only ones that are super consistent but I don’t actually front that often. It’s sooo exhausting trying to get everyone on the same page 😩   

And it’s not that I don’t like labels, I justthink it was super frustrating how doctors would keep throwing whatever label at us and just hoped it’d stick

I felt like I was hoarding mental illnesses lmao like damn lunar sys leave some for everyone else

U know anyone who wants some? Currently got a buy one get one free special lmao

Elias Spector - Wednesday 4:48 PM

I imagine that’s difficult. How have you been doing otherwise?

Birdy Spector - Wednesday 4:50 PM

I joined Steven and Marc for some sessions this week. Three times a week is too much. since I was there we talked about the stuff that happened when we were younger. Jake was also there, but he only watched

EMDR is terrible, I hate it so much 

But…

It’s easier to open up to the psychologist after talking to you about it first

But I’ve been fighting with Marc less so that’s probably good. Although he still won’t tell me about what he remembers and he even forbid Steven from telling me too. Jake has always been weird about it and Daniela is still pretty scary

Can you please tell me?

Elias Spector - Wednesday 5:05 PM

Be patient with Marc. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries, I think it’s best if you talk to the others about it. 

Marc isn’t scooping, he’s totally fine with his alters having boundaries and privacy. He just happened to come across Birdy’s email account–which she stayed signed into–and stumbled across a chat thread with who else but Elias Spector. 

His vision turns red, scrolling through dozens and dozens of messages, images, and call receipts. The earliest message is dated just over 6 weeks ago, although the first couple of messages imply that they were already in contact before then. 

‘Steven. Steven! Steven!!’ Marc yells out internally, hoping to wake Steven up from wherever he is in the inner world. 

‘What?’ He says grouchily, slowly stepping towards the front. 

‘Look at this shit. What the hell was she thinking? Did you know she was in contact with our dad?’ Marc says as Steven takes control of the body to look at the screen. 

‘Marc, you need to calm down,’ Steven says, still working his way through all the messages, he can feel Marc in the headspace making trenches from pacing around so much. 

‘How dare you tell me to calm down? I can’t even trust my own fucking alters to not go behind my back. This is fucking Khonshu all over again!’

‘What’s going on, are you doing something dumb?’ Jake jumps in, suddenly appearing in the front conference room, as if he appearing out of thin air. He must have sensed their stress level rise. 

‘Respectfully Jake, go fuck yourself. This isn’t about you.’ Marc snaps back, irritated he had the nerve to stick his head into this. 

‘It looks like Birdy has been a messaging dad. Talking on the phone too, I think.’ Steven tells him, essentially ignoring all of Marc’s wishes. 

‘She what? ’ Jake asks in disbelief, getting closer to the front to get a better look at the messages in question. 

‘That sneaky little bra–’  

‘Marc, stop it. I’m mad too but I won’t let you talk about her that way.’ Jake interrupts him in his tracks. 

‘Oh of course you’re on her side. She’s always hiding behind you. And we all know you’re an expert at making decisions behind our backs, aren’t you? Tell me, what other secrets have you been hiding from us? Was it actually you that got me kicked out of the military?’ Marc rages with an exasperated outrage, arms wrapped around himself, taking careful steps backwards. Keeping his back against the wall. 

Jakes glares at Marc over that comment, standing his ground, he shouts back, ‘Ok fine! Maybe this is my fault! Sorry I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth about our childhood! You don’t think it hurt me when she talked about how nice and protective her dad was when my dad failed us?’ 

‘Maybe we all need to take some deep breaths, yeah? I can make us a cuppa–’

‘Steven, your endless optimism and desire to make everything ok is exhausting sometimes. Can you please just shut it?’ Marc says, in a low bitter voice. 

In response, Steven shut the laptop close, dropping his head to his hands, ‘Fine! Then I guess I won’t share what I think!’

‘What do you think?’ Jake asks with a heavy sigh. 

‘Maybe… we should reach out to dad, it’s obviously helping Birdy. Looking over at his messages he seems accepting. And it looks like he’s in therapy too.’

Marc's knees buckle as his breathing rises, ‘I can’t believe this. Steven, what happened to system cooperation? I can’t believe you’re siding with her.’

‘I’m not siding with anyone.’ Steven replies calmly. 

‘Marc, stop it. You’re acting like our mother.’ Jake states sharply and it hits Marc like an asteroid. Marc's mouth opens in shock, his eyes glare, almost as if he's going to attack back but he doesn't. His eyes, rapidly flashing from betrayal to anger to disgust to shame to fear. He slides down to the ground, wrapping his arms around his knee, dropping his forehead onto his forearms. 

Even Steven tenses up at that comment.

Exhausted, Jake pulls out his chair from the crescent conference table, pulls out a cigarette from his jacket, and places it between his lips. This is all fake– all of this is happening inside their head, but somehow, the smell of tobacco fills the body’s nostrils.    

Jake lets Marc recollect himself for a bit before saying, ‘There are no sides, we are a system. If you yell at her, all the work we’ve done to get her to open up will be for nothing. Tell me, who does Birdy remind you of?’ Jake asks in a stern but calm voice. When Marc doesn’t reply, he says, ‘She acts like we did at that age. Time has always been fuzzy for me but I remember feeling like I had no control over anything. Like adults were quick to dismiss all my problems. I’m guilty of this shit too, I’ve fed into her delusions about how great our dad was and how our mom was too sick to visit her in the hospital. I kept telling myself I was protecting her innocence but maybe I fucked up. 

‘I still do that shit with Kid. I know he’s confused but I can’t explain it to him. Maybe I am protecting him, or maybe I’m just trying to protect myself.’ 

The three of them let words seep, processing Jake's words and the situation. It feels like all the hard work that Marc has done to try to heal, not just suppress, has been for nothing, he still felt like a scared child, abandoned by his parents.

‘Maybe...' Steven says, once some of the initial tension calms down, 'we should think about how our alter didn’t feel comfortable talking to us first before sneaking off to talk to dad. Be honest Marc, how would you have reacted if she asked you for permission?’  

‘I would have blown her off…’ Marc mumbles, still hiding his face in shame. 

‘Yeah, and I wouldn’t have been any better…’ Jake sighs. 

‘Steven, I know you want to talk to dad, I know you don’t see him like I do. But his…indifference almost killed us,’ Marc says softly. 

Steven pauses, before warily saying, ‘I think… there’s no growth living in the past and maybe… closure would be good for us.’

#moon knight #moon knight fanfic #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #mk lunar sys #layla el faouly #moonscarab #lunar sys & dad arc

[bug-ocs]

3, 10, 12, 17, 38? For the writing asks!

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

WELL lately it’s popping an edible and blasting megalovania on repeat. usually involves me zoning out and staring at a wall while i imagine a cool fight scene. i don’t think i have to explain why that’s cursed.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

i feel like a writing “haunting” you means that it sort of eats away at you. it becomes exhausting and laborious rather than fruitful and enjoyable. in that case, yes! much of my writing has done that to me! i’ll usually take a step back and go “what’s not working here” and it usually comes from some weird self-imposed rule i made up along the way lol or if i’m struggling with a scene i usually end up completely reworking it or taking it out altogether!

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

1) i’d wish i could write scene transitions better, 2) i’d wish for a better ability to focus while i’m writing lol, 3) i’d wish i could think about the bigger picture a little easier. i get super in the weeds when i write and it’s really hard to get out lol

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

oh god TECHNICALLY my most current WIP is vice versa/terrible things so oh my god i Do Not have the mental capacity to unpack everything right now LMAO but! i do have this stupid vice manual that i keep chuckin’ away at: https://haileytxt.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/the-diagnostic-manual-of-vices/ so i can talk abt that a bit

a lot of the stuff i talk about in there (and still plan to expand on) don’t necessarily impact the story BUT it does help me better understand this little world i’ve created much better. i’ve been able to connect a lot of pieces easily ever since i sat down and started thinking about this all a little more!

i don’t really have an answer for what a vice “is” biologically-speaking outside of the definition i wrote out, and even then i use “scientists don’t really get it” as a sort of scapegoat but ultimately that doesn’t matter HAH it is what it is. i feel like vices are real in the way memories and thoughts are real. intangible, but perceivable and even dangerous or powerful. any time i talk about textures, it’s more like “remembering” a texture lol. or like how when you remember something from childhood, you also remember the way the carpet scratched against your skin.

i talk a lot in the manual about scientists and experts “observing” and “studying” vices, and i see a lot of this being similar to talk therapy. events are observed by experts typically by intentionally triggering them, so there’s a lot of people who say the behaviors documented aren’t all that authentic, or at least have a potential for deviation.

this manual also isn’t publicly available, and the only reason they have it is because gen got a copy during college for one of her classes. there’s quite a few out in manual circulation, but people run the risk of it having outdated information. no one really wants to release an actual publicly-available manual because no one wants to be liable for things going wrong at the manual’s guidance, and things changes so quickly it’d be a hassle to release new editions as often as they come. also people and their experiences are so unique, it’s hard to create a hard and fast manual. since alpha vices are the most common and pose the lowest risk when being studied/observed, there’s a ton of shit out there for them. some of the more dangerous ones don’t have as much research behind them.

idk i could seriously talk abt this shit for hours HAH feel free to ask any questions abt it, i’ll gladly expand on this! i’ve written a bunch for the manual but there’s still a ton swirling in the brain hah

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

i don’t think i necessarily do anything ALL that weird? at least nothing i haven’t heard that other people also do lol...a lot of times when i’m not actually typing something and i’m working through a scene, i’ll act it out and talk through it and like actually pace around my house and throw my hands around and shit. i swear if anyone saw me they’d think i’m batshit ghlsdkfjsk i also concentrate best when i stare at the wall and don’t look at the screen HAHA i get distracted too easily or focus on super nitty-gritty shit when i see everything out in front of me, so i’m often typing and looking away at my wall. this has (on many occasions) resulted in me writing out multiple paragraphs of gibberish because my hands were out of alignment LMAO

#WEEE these were fun THANK YOU!!!

[goneatlas]

Atlas hiiiiiiii I saw you inquire about my poto spreadsheet!!!! I’d absolutely love to share it with you, but I do wanna let u know two things:

1. At the time I made it, I based it off of the 2004 movie (bc I hadn’t listened to the musical itself yet), and its soundtrack is a lil bit different. It’s not by much, but there’s def a couple differences compared to the musical lol

2. I have it on a google spreadsheet, but for the sake of not revealing my email (bc safety first), and with the spreadsheet being too big to screenshot efficiently, maybe I could just type it out by hand and dm it to you?? Or send it through an ask like this??? It might take me a hot minute but I could do it????

If those aspects don’t bother you, then I’ll totally send it!! It’s a lil bit messy, and i might not make the most sense (cuz most of what I wrote is based off of stuff I already know in my head so I didn’t bother to describe it further lol) so I may revise a couple things to make it easier to follow along 😅😅 I might even go back and rewrite it so it follows the musical’s soundtrack instead of the movie’s?? We’ll see????

So yeah!! Lemme know if you’re interested and I’ll shoot u a dm, an ask, or I’ll post it on my own blog and tag u?? Whatever works for you lol

And it may take me a lil while, but I’m insane devoted to my craft lol so it’d be my pleasure! <3

HELLOOOOOO YES i'm not bothered by any of those aspects, completely understandable!!

either the movie or musical soundtrack is fine by me, i don't mind, i would be interested either way ^_^

(i do feel slightly bad that you would have to type it out with revisions but if you're truly down to do it i would appreciate it a Lot 🥹🥹)

you can post it on your own blog and tag me i think! take your time though, no pressure on this!

p.s. i feel like i need to tell u that i may not get some things since i have uhhhhh zero (0) knowledge in music theory but either way i'd still love to read your thoughts about it

#asks

[be-gay-do-several-crimes]

THAT’S OKAY

So a few days ago I noticed them interacting with a pro-Israel person on TikTok who said Palestinians were lying about the genocide cause I saw one of their videos on my fyp and wanted to check the comments and so me and the boyfriend were talking about it in a gc with them in case they wanted to defend themself and a few days later they text something in the gc and we talk for a while and I’m like “Heyyyy what‘a up with your pro-Israel friend?” And they were like “OH YEAH LOL I DON’T REALLY AGREE WITH THEIR BELIEFS BUT I LIVE IN AN ISRAELI NEIGHBORHOOD AND I’M PART ISRAELI SO IF I DIDN’T I WOULDN’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE HOSTAGES AND THE VICTIMS IN ISRAEL” so the boyfriend and them go back and forth for a while and THEN they say everyone hates Hamas because they’re a terrorist group SO the boyfriend asks where they got that from and they’re like “Credible sources, not the Israel-propaganda stuff” and then they send a picture from like. Wikipedia that classifies Hamas as a terrorist group. The boyfriend is like “Oh they’re actually a resistance group” and my friend goes “No, they want to kill all the Jews” AND I’M LOSING IT BECAUSE WHAT. And then they say Palestine used to genocide Israel as well so it’s 50/50 as to whose fault it is but no one deserves to be genocided. And I haven’t said anything in the gc for a while so they’re texting me like “Hey I don’t wanna lose you over politics :( it’d suck I just feel for BOTH sides of victims” and they WOULD NOT LISTEN TO ME when I said the hostages were treated well, while Palestinian hostages were forced to have their bodies kept in FREEZERS to finish their prison sentence

So I tell my boyfriend I don’t think the relationship is salvageable it’s whatever we go about our day

AND THENNN they text me AGAIN and start looking through the gc and saying it’s SO rude of us to talk about them behind their back (keep in mind they haven’t had an actual conversation with us for AGES and haven’t been making an effort in the friendship for almost a year) and that I should have never “dug up” that TikTok they made 😭😭 and they were like “Do you wanna know the reason I canceled so many plans or just didn’t show up???? I had an EATING DISORDER” LIKE GIRL. ME TOO WHEN WE FIRST MET. I WAS NOT AN ASS TO YOU??? And they were like “I just talk to my school friends more because it’s EASIER, it’s not because I’m not THINKING ABOUT YOU” LIKE DUDEEEE

so we sure are at a place

throttling their ass what in the genuine fucking shit.??????

#asks :D #thehellsystem #im so sorry bro that sounds awful 👎👎👎

[fairlyqualityanon]

Oh dear. I’m not on Tumblr much and don’t really know what’s going on, but from what I’m gleaning, they’re really shitty people. Unfortunately I can’t offer much help on that cause I found it easier to just isolate. I don’t bother trying to talk to anyone nowadays, but I do suggest picking up a hobby. Keeps the brain from fucking with you too much. One physical and one stationary, if that makes sense? For if you’re unable to do the more physical thing (like for me, I can’t do my physical hobby cause my ankle hurts [stairmaster], but I can do my stationary hobby [journaling]).

I’m sorry I can’t offer much. Please don’t hate yourself. Hm, can you block who/what you see on here? If you can, you should be able to block their content. Also I don’t think it’s a manic episode. I could be wrong (probably am), but mania is a heightened desire to do more impulsive stuff, not sleep all the time. If you’re having a hard time sleeping, you might want to look at Valerian root supplements. They smell like feet but help me get to deep sleep in no time.

IDK if any of this made sense or was helpful, so if it didn’t I’m sorry.

train of thought I can’t be bothered to format because nobody cares lol

Oh wow, someone exists that thinks it matters which side of the grass I’m on, let alone believes it should be *this* side? I don’t mean to sound dismissive, but I’m maybe at most 25% joking, and probably much less than that. Every time I decide that maybe the person was telling the truth about “hey you have inherent value” it turns out they just wanted me around to see what they could get out of me / wanted to see how long it took me to figure out they hated me because it gets funnier the longer it goes on.

Why shouldn’t I hate myself? If my only reason for existence is so others can use me, then why shouldn’t I see myself as sub-human trash? I think it’d be easier if they openly hated me, instead of A, not giving a shit or B, thinking I’m stupid enough to believe their “I’m your friend :)” bullshit (which apparently I was). No, blocking a person won’t block people reblogging their stuff, nor those who gush over them with praise. I don’t think you understand how my brain works. I always have multiple levels/trains of thought running. Even if I’m “fully focused” there’s still at least one whirring away in the back of my skull *uncontrolled* - I’ve tried Xanax and marijuana (though not together) and it still keeps on doing its own little thing.Even if I manage to boot up a video game, start a movie, pick up a book, open a document… it’s there, reminding me I’m a disgusting stain on existence and killing myself is only the start of apologizing for ever having been born.And yes, it WAS (still is tbh) a manic episode. I said *want* to sleep, not *can* sleep. Can’t think about killing myself if I’m unconscious. If I can make it to April (that’s a big “if”, couple weeks ago was side-eying my medicine cabinet) I might be glad I didn’t go through with it. Therapist didn’t approve of my “drug abuse” (that’s what he calls my using Xanax and DayQuil, still haven’t told him about the edibles lmao) but he definitely didn’t tell me to stop.

can’t figure out how to make this not sound petty but hey, about the only thing keeping me alive is there’s a couple graves I plan to literally dance on so if ‘petty’ keeps me going then I’m fine with it

#trouble in Voreadise #shut up emma nobody cares #tw marijuana #tw suicide #tw depression #think I legit started crying when I got the email notification for this #but then the reality check cleared and started having doubts