#it’ll be both cringey and chaotic

[genshin-obsessed]

How exactly are you going to do this christmas event im just curious? - Hitomi

So I’m just going to write out a long crazy fic where all the characters are going to be trying to pull you guys from your anon banners!

It will include a lot of crying and chaos while they repeatedly fail to get you. Just like we failed to get them.

#pocket tries #hitomi #it’ll be both cringey and chaotic #but I live for chaos😌

[tobiosmilktea]

hello there. my bday is around the corner and i was wondering how would random haikyuu boys celebrate it with u 💓

how the haikyuu boys will celebrate your birthday with you

a/n: my birthday is just around the corner too so this was really fun to write 🥺 i decided to do it by team bc i couldn’t pick who boys to do lmao

— karasuno

i think they’ll definitely pull some intricate plan that will go wrong one way or another

like a surprise party maybe

it was fs nishinoya and tanaka’s idea to set one up after school in the gym where they tell everyone to pretend to forget your birthday just to add that special element of surprise

but then again, guys like tsukishima and kageyama don’t need to pretend they didn’t know your birthday because they truly didn’t until hinata brought it up to them (don’t take it too personally tho lmao)

speaking of which, hinata almost spoiled the surprise for you if yachi wasn’t there to distract you 💀

despite being the second year’s idea to throw this surprise party for you, it’s primarily the third years doing all the work since tanaka and nishinoya don’t know how to organize a party for shit

poor kiyoko is actually doing all the work while daichi and asahi are putting up decorations with the help of the first years (tsukishima had to be forced tho smh)

yamaguchi and yachi seem like the types to overthink what to get you for a birthday present, probably going all out while kageyama would just buy you your favorite drink and snack from the vending machine near the gym literally five minutes before the surprise

it’s the thought that counts ig

sugawara made your cake as well with the usual message, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N !!’

and since the surprise party was being held in the gym after practice, everyone had to hurry and clean up before setting out all the decorations. and can i just say, it’s chaotic™️

yachi had to distract you for a good ten minutes by asking you to walk all the way towards the other end of campus to ‘get something’ that didn’t exist in the first place

meanwhile in the gym, the second years were in charge of taking down the volleyball net to replace it with a badly homemade painting with tanaka’s messy ass handwriting wishing you a happy birthday

the third years and first years as mentioned before were setting up decorations, hanging up streamers, setting out balloons, and handing out party poppers

with kiyoko, takeda-sensei, and ukai set out a table for sugawara to place the cake he made for you (which it almost fell cause ennoshita bumped into him)

hinata was also on the lookout if you and yachi were nearby

and when you were, he shout so loudly that even you heard down the hall

finishing up any last minute details, the team sets out their presents for you with their party poppers in hand before shouting, “SURPRISE!!”

it’s all fun and games until nishinoya accidentally released confetti at your face by accident

he made up for it with his present though lmao

— aoba johsai

saying that seijoh probably won’t do anything as big as a surprise party is a complete lie

knowing oikawa and the moment he found out it was going to be your birthday soon, he’ll plan something more extravagant than some lame surprise party (albeit, badly planned without the help of iwa)

he’d probably rent out a party bus to drive around the city before stopping by at some random karaoke place downtown

he’ll only invite the third years and your close friends so it isn’t too big of a celebration that it doesn’t feel like it’s your own party

the best part of the night was mattsun absolutely outshining oikawa in literally everything

there was even a stripper pole in the party bus and he just started fucking around with you to pretending to make it rain on him,, it was hilarious

you love rewatching the videos you took of that night

your favorite (besides stripper matsukawa) was iwa singing a ballad for you and when i say that man has vocals i mean it

at the end of the night, all your friends got up to sing happy birthday to you on the karaoke machine

the second years would probably feel bad celebrating your birthday with you, so instead they take you out to get udon after school and just vibe

you were honestly just surprised that it was kyotani’s idea to take you out like this, not to mention the cute gift he gave you that he put a lot of thought into

meanwhile i think the first years are just too intimidated by you minus kunimi

like kindaichi knew of your birthday but he was just too scared to go up to you and wish you a happy birthday before handing you your favorite convenient store snack as a little gift

— nekoma

unlike karasuno and seijoh, the way the nekoma boys celebrate with you is definitely on the more laidback side, yet they still put effort in wishing you a happy birthday

kenma, kuroo, and yaku would definitely stay up with you the night before your birthday playing video games just to be the first ones to wish you a happy birthday the moment the clock strikes midnight

they’ll even set up a minecraft server that kenma spent hours setting up and building everything that you like with a gigantic banner made out of your favorite colors of wool saying ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’

the rest of the night staying up playing party games on hypixel despite having school the next day

in the morning, you’d find kenma and kuroo waiting outside your house so they can walk the birthday celebrant to school, plus they had bags in their hands to which you assume were presents for you

it was then did you realize that you were going to get more throughout the day after kuroo mentioned how he told the team that it was your birthday

there was something embarrassing and a bit cringey being showered with attention for your birthday, especially at school, but you still appreciated the team’s efforts

throughout the day, people would notice the gifts in your hands and would wish you a happy birthday, definitely causing a stir in the school when yaku, lev, and yamamoto burst into your classroom to shout happy birthday

while yamamoto is literally showering you with birthday wishes and presents, lev would give you a cute plushie of your favorite animal along with a little cake

he’d probably ask to eat it with you during lunch lmao

by the end of the day, kuroo and kenma would help you carry all the presents you received as you guys end the day off getting ramen

— fukurodani

i don’t think they’ll make a big deal out of it knowing you don’t like making a big deal out of your birthday either

the only reason why they even found out that your birthday was around the corner is because bokuto couldn’t keep his mouth shut

it played out somewhere along the lines like this: akaashi would ask you if you were free this weekend so you two could study for the upcoming math exam

bokuto was there as well when you had to ask for a raincheck on studying as your parents were forcing you to go out on a celebratory birthday dinner (as by their words, “it’s the least you could do.”)

to which bokuto literally gasps and shouts, “IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND?” his words echoing throughout the gym and definitely catching the attention of the rest of the volleyball team

if that’s his reaction to finding out it’s your birthday soon, just imagine how shocked he would be when you tell him that you don’t really like celebrating it

akaashi would definitely understand and opted to buy you a little something for his appreciation and give it to you the following day, but bokuto wants to full on throw a party for you

“come on! it’ll just be a little get-together at the park!” he would beg

“thank you, bo, but i’m honestly fine just going out to dinner with my family.”

he would huff, planning to throw one as a surprise party instead, but akaashi immediately shoots down his idea out of respect for you

instead, bokuto would channel all that energy to giving “the best birthday gift of your life!” (end quote)

even konoha would challenge him on that just to tease him, but would still give you a well thought out gift

and yeah, it’s honestly kind of embarrassing seeing him walk into school with a box full of things you’re into including a giant owl plushie (school spirit ig??)

poor bo was outshined by yukie and kaori when they made a birthday cake for you

— shiratorizawa

lowkey i feel like shiratorizawa is definitely one of those private schools that would announce when their student’s birthdays are when they come close

like no one of the vb team would’ve found out your birthday was in a couple days if it wasn’t for that overhead announcement made by the vice principal

however, i wouldn’t think they’d make a huge deal out of it besides tendou maybe

the moment you would walk into the gymnasium, he’ll immediately wish you a happy birthday loudly before nudging ushijima to do the same

instead of one big party, you celebrated with them almost individually

tendou and ushijima both took you to the aquarium and bought you a gift that you specifically chose out cause they’d probably wouldn’t be bothered to do so without you

and then you’d go out with semi and reon to which you three just get sushi after school

lowkey i feel like they would buy literally anything you show even the tiniest amount of interest in and they’ll buy it within a snap

you literally had to stop semi from buying you anything else as he’ll end up spending all his pocket change when the sushi was enough

and unlike their upperclassman, shirabu and goshiki would probably just celebrate with you by just hanging out at your house--watching netflix, playing video games, maybe ordering some pizza

it’s pretty simple, but they’ll be there all day cause the time spent together is just really nice

— inarizaki

the twins literally cannot keep their mouths shut

the team was already pretty aware of your birthday, but they have been keeping the surprise party for you on the downlow ever since the twins proposed their idea of doing a little picnic for you

but go figure that it would be atsumu and osamu exposing their entire plan in front of you after nagging their team not to say jackshit in front of you

they’d still follow through with their plans, however, despite not being a surprise anymore

the little celebration would be held at the park, suna being in charge of the picnic blanket, kita being in charge of bringing drinks, osamu being in charge of bringing the food, and atsumu being in charge of... well,, bringing you ig

aran would arrive late only because he had to get his bday gift for you (which btw was the best one fs) as well as picking up your birthday cake with the words ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH <3′ 

it’s so obvious that suna was the one who ordered the cake, but it’s literally the best you have every received

overall, it’s pretty chill but you couldn’t ask for anything more knowing their efforts and how you’ve been laughing your ass off the entire time

you guys would even watch the sunset as yall sat atop a hill, taking photos to put on your stories and to post on social media

out of the hundreds of photos taken of you with your cake or aran force feeding suna food, the group photo taken exactly at golden hour was your absolute favorite

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #karasuno headcanons #shiratorizawa headcanons #aoba johsai headcanons #haikyuu fluff #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu x reader #bokuto x reader #ushijima x reader #kuroo x reader #shirabu x reader #goshiki x reader #akaashi x reader

[emiefaunwrites]

If you’ve already done something like this then it’s okay! You don’t have to make headcanons for something you already made headcanons for. I was just thinking,

“What would Taka, Mondo, and Leon do at the beach/public swimming pool?”

If you’ve already done something like that, there’s also this;

“How would Taka, Mondo, and Leon go about taking care of a lost stray dog/cat?”

Hope these are good enough!

Ooooh not done either of these. So, I'll go with the first one. It'll be a Ishileon headcanon plus Mondo if that's alright? Not that Mondo will be left out of course - just that he won't be in the relationship.

Also no ask will ever not be 'good enough'! Don't ever worry about that!

Hope this is what you're after! Thank you for the ask!

*********************

• Mondo and Leon are no stranger to the beach.

• Mondo is one of those guys that loves to catch a tan whereas Leon loves to splash around in the sea (but not get his hair wet - obvs).

• Not to mention they both used to go there when Leon was single to impress the ladies - even though Mondo knew he was gay AF and totally pining.

• Taka, on the other hand, has never been to the beach.

• His family never had time to take him as a child and he never had friends to go with growing up.

• So of course, after telling his boyfriend and best friend, they arrange for a trip on the first sunny weekend immediately after.

• Mondo and Leon are super excited - Mondo wants to top up on his already natural tan, whereas Leon wants any chance to eye up his boyfriend in swimwear.

• Little do either of them know that an Ishimaru arrives fully prepared.

• While the two of them are in tank tops and swimming shorts, Taka is fully dressed - wearing SO MUCH suntan lotion on his face and any skin that's exposed that his already pale skin looks totally white.

• And he has on the dorkiest hat anyone's ever seen.

• Picture ALL that PLUS a giant umbrella he's dragging behind him, a huge basket with a blanket and all other strange things.

• Oh boy. This guy is so cringey.

• 'We're at THE BEACH, babe! You're going to melt!'

• 'I have very sensitive skin, Leon. I would rather melt than burn!'

• 'You'll get heatstroke!'

• 'I'll stay in the shade and drink plenty of water!'

• It takes A LOT of convincing from Leon to make him change his clothes - reluctantly letting himself be dragged to a local tourist shop to buy a t-shirt, swimming shorts and sandals that the shop let him change into in their changing room.

• By the time they've gotten back, Mondo has found a comfy spot to lie down and sunbath - sunglasses on and shirt off.

• And he only smirks at Taka's interrogation on the proper use of suntan lotion.

• 'I can help you with yours, babe!'

• Mondo's grateful he has his sunglasses on so the other two can't see how hard his eyes roll.

• Leon is LOVING LIFE - trying to find any excuse to touch his boyfriend's back and chest and legs.

• 'You don't have to go under my shirt. I won't be taking it off.'

• 'It might ride up when you're moving or something - trust me, I need to get EVERYWHERE.'

• And don't even THINK he gets away with not putting some on himself - and the consequences of that have him blushing so hard as Taka applies so much to his bare chest with a look of intense concentration.

• Leon eventually convinces Mondo to play a round of frisbee with him, letting Taka sit in the shade watching peacefully for a while.

• It may not be baseball, but Leon still manages to throw the frisbee far too hard without even trying - having Mondo run all over the place to try and catch it.

• 'Nah, tha's it. I'm headin' for a dip.'

• 'YES! Taka, come on!'

• Oh the stubbornness - complaining about sharks and jellyfish and broken bottles...

• But he doesn't account for Mondo fireman lifting him and carrying him to the sea.

• He hold on SO HARD when the biker tries to throw him - wrapping his legs tightly around the boys waist so its impossible.

• Again, he doesn't account for Mondo's chaotic nature - grinning madly before charging deeper into the water and dunking them both in.

• Poor Taka emerges spluttering, glaring at his friend who's howling with laughter as he bobs beside him.

• Leon cackles from the beach, wading in slowly so as not to get his hair wet.

• Does Mondo care about that though?

• No - so cue another fireman lift for his other friend.

• 'No no no no, Mondo my hair, not my hair, MONDO NO!'

• And in they both go - emerging to a grinning Taka who's paddling over slowly.

• Leon is MORTIFIED. His hair is RUINED, he has NO WAY of drying it, he looks AWFUL in front of his adorable boyfriend...

• And then there's fingers pushing his fringe of out his face then a palm cupping his cheek.

• And red eyes full of warmth smiling back at him and Leon's heart might as well have stopped dead.

• It seems as if there's a kiss on the way, but good ol' Mondo knows a cockblock when he sees one and sends a huge splash crashing over the both of them.

• The result: a huge waterfight that no one wins.

• The rest of the day passes by so fast and by the time they're heading back to the dorms, they're all exhausted.

• 'So didja have fun, Taka?'

• Yes, thank you Mondo!'

• 'Ya think Leon did too?'

• Given how the boy has fallen asleep on Taka's shoulder as they catch the bus home, Taka reckons Leon had a lot of fun.

#kiyotaka ishimaru #leon kuwata #mondo oowada #ishileon #ask request #yaysof11037

[mrsgaryrennell]

hiii! 6, 8, 15, 18, 23, 25, 26, and 28 for both chloe and dicky! (sorry if these are too many lol) 💕

Oohh hii sis 💛💛💛miss you a bunch but thanks for asking 👀which btw don’t worry about putting to many lmao 🤡 

Just beware of my lengthy essay 💀 alright so Dicky and Chloe

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Dicky: This man was a problem as a child lol And no nothing tragic about his backstory, he’s just a chaotic mess 😂He was never a bully or anything, it’s just that he was really intimidating and really mean if ever approached lol but if he liked you enough, he’ll definitely be a chill guy to hang around with haha he’s not antisocial either. He hated school lol Dicky just never paid much attention and there were even times when he would skip class because he simply wasn’t interested 💀So you could say that he didn’t like the majority of the school material. Nonetheless, he did finish secondary school lol

Now, there were a few subjects he did enjoy or in his language were “alright” lol He didn’t mind staying for math class since it’s something he picked up pretty easily on lol I can see the teacher all 😯the first time because they didn’t expect Dicky to be so amazing at it and he’s very nonchalant about it, too lol I feel like math is something he’s naturally really skilled with but he doesn’t really see that in him haha And another school activity he enjoyed was a debate class lol he didn’t like learning laws and all but he really liked sitting across from someone and winning the debate every time 😂 mechanic boi has great argumentative skills 😌 

Chloe: She was a very bright child in school. People were always impressed because of her talent and wit. And kids loved partnering up with her for school projects because she was great at leading the team to create great outcomes. Although, I can’t say that she was too popular in school nor did she make too many friends because they just thought she was a little weird for their taste lol Chloe tells herself that she didn’t mind being alone since she likes her alone time but she’s always been self conscious of being the oddball of the group 😭

While in primary and secondary school, she didn’t mind any of the classes like science, math, literature, etc. She did find charm in each subject but her most favorite subject in school was and still is history lol She’s fascinated by historical figures that committed stupid decisions 😂and she actually enjoys to sit down and watch history documentaries of anything really. Other than history, cello girl also found her love for music and performing arts 💛Music has always been kind of like her escape to peace 

Lastly, she did go to uni and attended Juilliard School in New York for her musical career 🎶 Chloe has always enjoyed music and arts ever since she was a child so expanding her knowledge in this and making it into her professional career has become a huge highlight to her life 😌Of course, she came as one of the top of her class for her creativity, talent, and uniqueness!

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Dicky: So he didn’t have any pets while growing up nor does he have any right now. Jason doesn’t mind animals but they seem to not like him lmao So he rather stay away from nature 😂 

Chloe: She didn’t have any pets when growing up either! She honestly had a lot going on during her childhood and asking for a pet was probably the least thing in her mind. And this could be a little be spoilery lol but it’s okay! Chloe does currently have a beautiful little boy named Frédéric, or Fred for short lol but named him after one of her favorite composers Frédéric Chopin!

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Dicky: We all know how much this grumpy man loves his food lol so he does know how to cook! I want to think that he does enjoy cooking since he knows he’s about to devour all of that within seconds lmao so he likes the anticipation. At this point in the story, I’m not sure anyone has tried Dicky’s cooking actually 🤔I guess we’ll see what others think of Dicky’s food later in the chapters 👀

Chloe: She is great at cooking, she loves it! She views it like a form of art so there’s a lot to appreciate for the uniformed ingredients for her 😌In fact, Chloe loves to cook in her spare time and learn more about it from other cultures. Cello girl also has a fascination for food so all the love and care she puts into the meal, it really comes from the heart 💛 So far, the people that she’s fed in the Villa has been the Chatham boys, Gary and Dicky, and they definitely approve of it haha 

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else?

Dicky: I don’t think he really reads lol but he loves going over magazines with old fashioned and retro vehicles. He likes to learn about the evolution of cars, that nerd 😂With music, I think he has a liking for alternative rock, mellow rock, maybe a little of metal lol Although, Dicky did listen to some cringey emo music when a teenager but he doesn’t like to talk about that lmao He’s not into any TV shows but likes to watch Fast & Furious movies to trash on it but lowkey likes admiring the sports cars lmao And lastly on video games, he like horror types 💀He has a collection of horror video games and likes to sit down in the dark and play them lol

Chloe: Well, Chloe likes her history lol so she will gladly sit down to read about WWII or something like that 😂 And aw man lol music! This girl appreciates all types of music, but good music. Even though she’s really elegant and a classical musician (which still adores the classics ofc), she really appreciates the modern music like pop, hip hop, indie music, rock, you name it! So Chloe listens to anything and everything and her I’m sure her spotify is random af haha She’s not really into TV shows either but as far as films, she’s a huge nerd: Star Wars! She first fell in love with John Williams’ movie scores and came across the Star Wars one and was infatuated 😌She found out about the trilogy when she was a little older and loves to marathon the movies 💛And no video games lol she’s not really into that haha 

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Dicky: This guy will only have a good memory if he cares lol So if he has any interest in anyone, he will remember names and faces but if he doesn’t care, then you’re out of luck 💀 you’ll be pretty forgettable to Jason lmao Overall, I think he does have a great memory if it’s regarding his job ofc and with the people he cares about and that’s about it haha 

Chloe: She has a great memory! Because of her career and learning all those musical sheets by heart, Chloe gained a photographic memory 😌It will only take a couple of chats with someone for her thoroughly remember your name and face. 

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Dicky: He has dark humor okay 💀he enjoys to mess with people for his own amusement. And he because dark humor is part of his personality, Jason doesn’t realize that he will say something dark and it’ll seem like a joke so people find it funny lol Overall, he is a funny guy but his humor isn’t for everyone 😂

Chloe: Cello girl is a sucker for bad puns lol And when anyone delivers a bad pun and no one laughs, that’s what she finds funniest lmao Her humor is the dry type, very “The Office” type lol I don’t think she’s aware of the US show but when she finds out, it will become one of her favorites lmao Chloe is also unintentionally funny, too. She’ll say or do something weird or random and it’s very humorous for others 

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Dicky: Oooh Dicky, Dicky, Dicky lol this man always has a poker face hah But, you can still determine what his gestures are when he’s happy 😌Dicky may not be a very expressive man but he has a lot of micro expressions and mannerism. It’s really hard to spot it but if you’re an observant person, you’ll be able to determine when mechanic boi is in a good mood! Dicky’s eyes are a major give away lol his eyes will have a little bit of a shine and the outer corner of his eyes will squint a bit. Because he doesn’t wanna show too much of his smile, if he catches himself cracking a smile, he’ll run his hand down his face lmao that dork 💛

Chloe: The humming! She will instinctively start humming a song whenever she’s in a good mood. Like Dicky, Chloe has expressive eyes. She may not say she’s in a happy mood but just looking into her eyes, you’ll be able to tell that there’s something different to the shade and brightness. She doesn’t necessarily hide her emotions when she’s happy since she already has a calm and composed nature but her tone of voice is more friendlier than usual if she’s in a great mood, too. Another way to determine if she’s in a good mood is hearing her giggle a little more often than usual lol but more sore just little short giggles! 

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Dicky: lmaoo Jason would act like he’s a tough guy and say nothing scares him 😂 But he does have his moments where his voice will mildly crack after gasping if there’s ever a jumpscare lol 

Getting a little real and serious about fright tho lol Dicky is afraid of failing able to protect the people he loves. That’s why Dicky is so protective of Gary since he knows Gary has body issues so he tries his best to be as supportive as he can for his friend. Another thing Dicky is scared of is losing a near and dear friendship. Again, he’s not one to make a lot of close friends, so if he ever screwed up and notices that they’re getting distant, this is something Dicky gets anxious about. 

Chloe: She isn’t that type of girl that gets all scared of anything or everything lol she actually finds those type of girls a little annoying 💀She does have a fear for the ocean lol Chloe loves going to the beach, soaking in the sun and even taking a little bit of a swim but the thought of sailing scares her lol A way someone could tell that she’s scared is if her hands unevenly tremble and this is also a mannerism she has if she’s worried about something, too.

Now, a more serious fear she also has is trusting the wrong person. Chloe is a loyal person and can be devoted to them but if she’s always afraid of investing all of her energy into someone that doesn’t reciprocate the same devotion. This is why it’s really hard for her to let anyone in so easily and though she’s still a super friendly and polite girl, it’ll take a lot for someone to make her open up about her life, dreams, aspirations, etc. 

Damn that was long and I apologize girl 🤡 but I hope you enjoyed it 💛 appreciate you asking about these dorks haha and if anyone is still interested in asking, here’s the link to the questions. I got another one to answer and I hope I get to it either tonight or tomorrow!

#love island game #litg #blue and hazel #litg Mc #litg OCs #litg dicky #this was fun and some of them were a bit spoilery but I tried to keep it as subtle as I could lol

[sugawara-sweetheart]

Hi! could I pls have a male hq matchup if thats ok? I'm 5'5 female(straight) w long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes and tanned skin! Im really bubbly & LOUD! love working out & I'm a HUGE foodie! I'm naturally super flirty & my love language is physical touch. I'm stubborn & impulsive, love rain/storms, coffee and PDA. I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly & observant! I ramble a lot but im a gd listener! I'm a night owl, v playful & a BIG tease (1/2)

_Im v spontaneous & LOVE autumn/winter, cooking(I meal prep a lot), outdoors & BOBA! I really value honesty & loyalty! I'm v hyper so id like somebody who wouldn't be annoyed by my energy! someone who could also make me laugh, is taller than me & makes me feel safe! I really like protective people, someone who doesn't shy away from physical touch & will go on late night adventures w me!Also if they can keep up w my flirting/teasing. I'm a taurus/esfp! thank u sm, hope ur doing well x (2/2) _I swear this will be my final matchup addition lmao! Ok 4 nsfw: I have a SUPER high sex drive, I’m a sub, like choking/spitting/spanking etc, kinda like public sex oops 🏃🏽‍♀️💨 I also LOVE giving head/pleasing my SO! Thank uuuu, take care of urself <3

I match you up with…kuroo tetsurō!

you and kuroo are a crazy chaotic pair that everyone can always hear before they see think bokuto and kuroo but you’re both adorable! 

you’re both so warm and bubbly you get along so well but occasionally childishly squabble over silly things like whether time travel would really cause a pandemic which has kenma wanting to bang his head against a brick wall 

kuroo loves working out with you! you often have gym dates which really motivates the two of you, especially because kuroo will work out harder to flex his muscles. “see something you like?” he’ll tease with a cheeky wink but you get your own back by smirking “take a picture it’ll last longer.” whenever you catch him staring at your ass to make him scowl 

he loves how naturally flirty you are because it really gives him a thrill to have you smirk at him so prettily and graze his arm teasingly and it gives him an opportunity to flirt back. “oh im not making you nervous am i?” he taunts as he leans his face close to yours to make you flustered and it becomes a competition to see who can flirt more 

as someone who also enjoys foods, kuroo and you love dates in new food places trying out new cuisines or cooking together 

but he’s so sensible he’s always there to reign you in whenever you’re about to do something impulsive and he’s the only one who can talk you out of something whenever you’re feeling stubborn though he thinks its hot how argumentative you can be when you’re being stubborn 

kuroo is spontaneous too so he loves that he can come to your house at 3am with a huge grin on his face and ask if you’re up for getting pancakes and you’ll be ready immediately 

you’re always touching in some way whether he has an arm around you (he’s very protective over you) or holding hands or often making out just because he can’t resist not touching you and it makes bokuto whine with jealousy

kuroo loves telling you jokes- whether it’s his witty and sharp remarks or cringey science jokes he’ll keep them coming just because he loves hearing your giggle 

being a more caring person who often takes care of others, kuroo feels so safe around you. he knows you’re observant so you can always pick up on his emotions and he knows you’ll listen to him well whenever he needs to rant 

nsfw: 

whenever you and kuroo fuck it’s a power battle as you’re both teasing each other and he loves to punish you when you go too far

“such a bad girl. you’re not enjoying this punishment are you?” he’ll smirk between spanks, trailing his fingers along your wet folds. “you’re soaked.” 

he loves it whenever you tease him in public though because it means he can always drag you off to the toilets or some quiet place and fuck you. he loves the thrill of pulling his trousers down to his thighs and tugging your soaked panties to the side and fucking you quick

“you’re so loud, kitten.” he coos, wrapping a hand around your throat and groaning softly at your walls clenching around his cock. “do you want everyone to hear? want someone to catch us and see how desperate you are for my cock?” 

loves to spit on your pussy or in your mouth and seeing you swallow it. “such a dirty girl for me, aren’t you?” 

he also loves seeing you kneel down before him, wrapping your lips around his cock. his moans are always so loud as his eyes roll to the back of his head. “you look so pretty with your mouth stuffed with my cock. do you want my cum, kitten?” 

but he always makes it back up to you by pleasing you just as much by making you cum over and over on his tongue 

#matchups

[cripplinganxietyflix]

I saw Valerian.

If you’ve ever spoken to me at length about movies, there’s a good chance my thoughts on “headache cinema” have come up. It’s an umbrella term I’ve come up with that encompasses the deluge of loud, obnoxious, brainless, neutered, hundred-million-dollar-budgeted trashfests that are destroying theater culture as we know it. I’m talking about the Disney’s Marvel franchises, the post-Matrix Wachowski migraines, the Transformers films- head-exploding visual fuckfests that leave the average adult feeling like they’ve crawled out some hellscape version of a McDonald’s play palace birthday party. This brand of film is easily my least enjoyed and most disliked. The vast majority of the time these movies are castrated down to a PG-13- or worse, a PG!, they’ve got bloated budgets, dumb plotlines, stupid dialog, and best of all: punching, loud noises, explosions, TOTAL SENSORY OVERLOAD.��

For many years I have hated superhero movies and glazed over at Hollywood’s air-horn retreads of movies like Clash of the Titans and Independence Day: Resurgence and the recent Ghost in the Shell mishap. I hate movies like this and I find them at least majorly to blame for the death of the hard R-rated action flick. There are exceptions to the formula, like Mad Max: Fury Road, the 2014 Godzilla, and Dredd, but generally speaking, they’re unwatchable. I will be the first to admit that I’m not a big fan of whimsy, but I will be happy to defend my position on this. Giant blockbuster action movies are generally dumb and boring if you’ve got more than two brain cells to rub together. I do try to balance my feelings about people who like brain-dead, ham-fisted, infantile PG-13 sci-fi action movies with my penchant for unrepentantly trashy, low-brow 70s and 80s exploitation horror films. I know for a fact that there’s a certain segment of cinema elitists who would see my interest in that subgenre as an undeniable sign of being a philistine troglodyte, which slightly tempers my extreme prejudicial judgment of those who love headache cinema. 

I can pick up the hanging thread to unravel this tapestry. It’ll lead you through all of the recent loud crashing DC fiascos and the rainbow of annoying apocalypse and disaster films and CG shitshows. Once you hit the Star Wars prequels, you’re getting close. But the film that started all of this hatred is Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element, easily in my top five most despised films of all time (that’s a list for another day!). 

It feels a little bizarre for me to say that I hate Luc Besson. Léon: The Professional is one of my favorite films of all time, and easily my favorite film of 1994. But aside from that and 1990′s La Femme Nikita, I find Besson wholly intolerable. His movies tend toward obnxious, incomprehensible, overwhelming, anxiety-inducing horse shit. And while many people are happy to agree with me, it seems no one outside of myself is willing to slaughter the sacred cow that is The Fifth Element. Some see a sci-fi fantasy classic, I proffer that it’s a grotesque panacea of ADHD, loud noises and cringey acting. To Besson’s credit, most of the time his films don’t take themselves seriously, and that’s fine. But The Fifth Element is the first film in my memory where I felt literally assaulted and invaded by the unfettered gaudy head-spinning madness of big, loud, overwhelming movies. My level of general calmness could be compared to a that of a frightened rabbit with combat shock, so I try to be cognizant that this dislike has less to do with objective quality and more to do with my personal preferences and tolerance levels. Let’s be real- I’m a person with severe, crippling anxiety. Headache cinema is not made for me. 

That being said, I saw the trailers for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, and I immediately started getting Vietnam flashbacks of Chris Tucker in a wig and leopard print jumping out of my television and screaming into my face. My significant other has a much more relaxed attitude toward these things and a seemingly endless well of patience for Luc Besson, so I had a feeling I was going to end up seeing this film in theaters and I started mentally preparing for it. And I’m really glad that I did all that emotional gestation, because I found Valerian to be surprisingly tolerable, aside from being a chaotic discombobulation of ideas that all generally have the potential to be good but fail because Luc Besson must have the attention span of a squirrel. And squirrels plant trees because they literally can’t remember where they’ve left their nuts. I couldn’t dream of a better summation of why Luc Besson turns nearly everything he touches into abject shit.

Valerian is essentially a very straight-forward narrative about a couple of federal agents (?) in space (???) who uncover a conspiracy involving a group of displaced aliens. They spend the film unraveling a mystery surrounding an enigmatic void in the middle of a space ship (?) or man-made planet (???) that contains thousands of different species from throughout the universe that live in surprising harmony. The alien refugees and the void on the ship or planet are related, you will later find. 

That’s basically it. It’s a simple storyline with simple elements like “war is bad” and “the powerful oppress the powerless” and “love is universal and always wins.” If you dig down past all of the color and noise and distraction, that’s the basic bedrock. I think I was expecting this movie to be a convoluted mess, and to a great extent it absolutely was. But I wouldn’t say that the story was the weakest part of the film. 

What did some substantial damage was the acting and dialog. The two leads had no chemistry and the actor playing the title character (Dane DeHaan) had a stunning drought of charisma. I think that his opposite, Cara Delevingne, has the potential to be a fun leading lady, but she never had a chance in this movie. The love angle was hackneyed and totally unnecessary to the point that the film would have fared much better if Valerian and Laureline were friends instead of a ~~will they or won’t they???~~ couple. I thought it was insulting to my sensibilities, and that sucks since the romance thing was such an ingrained aspect of the movie. I couldn’t tell if they were even in a relationship with each other or if Valerian had puppy love and Laureline has simply spent their entire careers fighting off his advances only to reluctantly agree to marry him after the film’s climax. This film could have really used a competent screen writer. I think I even could have lived with some of the eye-rollingly dumb but baseline-acceptable dialog you hear in Disney’s© Marvel™ Avengers Part 2: Electric Boogaloo. The villain (played by Clive Owen) was such a stupid caricature of literally everything that is wrong with Bad Guys in major American cinema- instantly hate-able, predictable, no angle or point of sympathy, stupid rationale for his actions-type of shit. And what’s really frustrating is that the Owen’s villain had a completely rational and utilitarian motive for his actions. But that gets torpedoed by the giant flashing neon signs that say “HE’S THE BAD GUY” and “EVIL PIECE OF SHIT” hanging over his head in every scene he’s featured in. It absolutely felt like the characters were totally empty and needed to be reworked from the ground up. I even thought Rihanna’s character had more depth than either Valerian or Laureline. Valerian’s a by-the-books soldier with a heart of gold? Could have fooled me! Laureline’s a toughgirl with a penchant for violent overreaction but still maintains a balanced moral compass? Hard to see through the horse shit nonsense they wrote for her. Character development and the script were both a total, unmitigated disaster.  

Another thing that I think the film failed at was building tension. Everything felt a little too whimsical and inconsequential. In the beginning, a bus full of mercenaries (?) is attacked by a violent hexapedal alien and Valerian and Laureline watch all of them die savagely with nothing more than a smirking “glad we made it outta that scrape!” reaction. It never really feels like they’re in any danger or that there’s any emotional peak or valley for the characters, with maybe a single, small exception. You watch a lot of people get shot to death and even a head get blown clean off and another cut right in half, but it all seems so cartoonish and trivial that you can’t help but feel like nothing really matters and it’s all just a low-stakes video game. 

But I don’t want to give you the impression that this movie is a complete trainwreck (it tries, believe me). There were things that I liked and appreciated. The visuals and alien designs were inventive and there was never really a moment where you couldn’t get lost in the scene. It kind of felt like Rick and Morty without the nihilism and good writing. Everything was very colorful, the universe felt very inhabited. Around halfway through, Valerian and Laureline have an almost brilliant run in with a species of giant food-obsessed frogs (I actually went through the trouble of looking it up; they’re called Boulan-Bathors) and I found the whole scenario to be kind of charming and cute. I didn’t really mind Rihanna’s cameo. The refugee aliens, the Pearls, were cool and appealing in the same translucent way as the Engineers of Prometheus. While I definitely felt some Avatar vibes, the whole opalescent, iridescent aesthetic was visually pleasing and I really liked the semi-androgynous thing they had going on. 

I think the strongest part of this film is the first several minutes that lays out Earth’s journey into space. It was beautiful and touching and enough to make you feel really depressed about the state of our space exploration programs and the hopelessness and polarization of our world affairs. I would liked to have seen more of a thematic connection to the introduction because it felt extremely dissonant with the rest of the movie, which, by comparison, is hard to feel particularly emotional about. If you’re not planning on seeing Valerian, I would at least recommend watching the first few minutes. If the movie had come full circle to it, you can see how it could have been brilliant. 

Overall, Valerian is kind of a giant mess, and by all means I should have absolutely hated it, because it is textbook headache cinema. I think that there was a wide dearth of missed opportunities with the material, and with a more competent screenwriter, a better cast, and maybe someone else in the director’s seat, we’d be talking about a viable start to a franchise. But too often Valerian ties its own shoelaces together and eats shit and expects us to be engrossed and entertained. The relationship between Valerian and Laureline- both as a friendship, coworkership and romance- either needed to be reengineered from the ground up or scrapped entirely. I think Dane DeHaan was totally wrong for the part of Valerian and I could see this movie succeeding in more ways had someone with more charisma been the leading man. Valerian desperately needed some tension, and the total absence of crisis or consequence left an unbridgeable emotional void. It’s beautiful- but it’s a mess, and that seems to be Luc Besson’s calling card. I doubt we’ll ever see another Léon, but if Besson’s next film is as much of an improvement on Valerian as Valerian was on Lucy, then we might have the potential to see something really special. And maybe in five to eight years when everyone has forgotten about this spectacle, we’ll get a decent reboot for the Valerian material. 

★ ★ ½

#valerian #luc besson #the fifth element #cara delevingne #dane dehaan #clive owen #movies #movie reviews