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#it’s a drawing of older Gary and she’s immortal
letswonderspirit · 3 years
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Time is marching foreword
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cyndecreativity · 4 years
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Day 13 - Glowing Embers
Birthday – “I missed this.”
Immortality can cause memory loss. William welcomed it for a time. But a person is their memories. Especially when they are yet another year older.
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Billy leaned back on the sofa, one arm over the back, the other lifting a glass of whiskey to his lips. He took a long draw from the liquid, dropped his boots onto the table, and allowed himself to relax. A fire crackled somewhere off to the left, filling the room with a cozy warmth. He barely felt it, the Fire Elemental returned and with it his constant heat. But the others in the room enjoyed it, each nursing a different liquid, draped with different levels of blankets, and engaged in some quiet activity. Gary stepped silently around the room to sit on the couch beside him. Billy offered him a nod and smile, caught up in memories stirred by the scene.
He did not get many nights home after the war. Being Djinn robbed him of privacy and freedom. Rarely did he not have somewhere to go, some important person to meet, a meeting to attend, or a problem to fix. Most nights kept him so busy he barely saw his wife in bed, let alone the rest of him family. But he strove to always keep one night free, one night that none could claim from him. He spent that night catching up with his family, if they allowed, listening to their lives, committing them to memory. He wanted to keep them there, safe from the ravages of time. But time comes for all.
A weight pressed against his side, startling him from his thoughts. Gary scooted closer to rest his head against Billy’s shoulder. The Aries looked down to his friend’s blonde head and chuckled. He took another sip of whiskey and pulled his lips back at the sting. Idania lifted her eyes from her book at his hiss, alarmed and concerned. A few darts of her eyes and she chuckled before returning to her book. The warmth of the fire penetrated his chest and he looked to Tristan and Gaia arguing quietly over something in another one of Gary’s books.
“I missed this.” It came as a realization, spoken without warning.
Gary started and repositioned his head to look up to the Fire Djinn. “Missed what? Cuddling with me?”
Billy laughed and slipped his arm off the couch to wrap around Gary. “Well, that, too. But this.” He gestured to the rest of the room with the whiskey. “Sitting together around the hearth, enjoying each other’s company without having to actively engage each other. It’s nice.”
Idania looked up from her book again. “Would you like me to wake up-“
Billy shuddered. “Oh, Spirits, no. He’s been such a shit lately. Let him get his rest. Maybe it will calm him down.”
Gaia giggled. “I think the only thing that will calm that feral scorpion down is a thorough visit from this one.” She gestured to Idania. Idania sputtered, blushed, and lifted her book to cover her face. “I’m glad you’re enjoying your evening, Master Billy. You seemed quite tense before.”
Gary’s eyebrows lifted. “Tense? What do you mean?”
Gaia shrugged. “I dunno. Seemed really hellbent on finding you, sir, getting this one here to you. Single-minded. But I think I understand why he was so worried about you.” A sly smile curled one side of her lips.
Billy sighed slightly. “We’re just friends, Gaia.”
She scoffed.
Gary pouted. “Much to my chagrin.”
Billy rubbed the hybrid’s arm. “I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m sorry. Besides, is this any way to treat a Djinn on his birthday?”
Gary shot up, eyes wide. Tristan and Idania dropped their books. Gaia leaned forward.
“Birthday!?”
He looked around at the younger members of the evening, then to Gary. “You didn’t remember?”
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frederator-studios · 5 years
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Graham McTavish: The Frederator Interview
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At the moment, Graham McTavish is in Malta getting his head torn off by a Werewolf. Jack Bauer once rammed a fire poker through his chest then slit his throat. He’s been set on fire, drowned, strangled, stabbed, speared, knifed, shot - not to mention, kneed in the balls, punched in the face, even slammed over the back with a log by an over-eager young performer. All in a day’s work for the Scottish actor, who’s played the baddest of baddies on a slew of excellent dramas-with-a-twist, from Preacher to Outlander, 24 to Castlevania. But Graham himself doesn’t view his characters as ‘villains’ - just passionate, complex people, of which Dracula (though he’d resent to be called “human”) is the embodiment. Read on for Graham’s take on playing one of literature’s most iconic, dangerous anti-heroes—from the relative safety of a recording studio.
Are you in LA long?
I’m flying out tonight actually, back to New Zealand. My kids are there, so I split my time. I’m doing Lucifer at the moment for Netflix as well as Castlevania, so I had to come back for a day, yesterday - I flew back just for that. (wow whaaa?) Yeah. I do a lot of traveling, but even for me that’s insane! It’s also unusual for the scheduling to work out perfectly, which it does the next few months. I have an episode gap now, then in October, I do a film in Malta, and the day that wraps, come back to LA to finish Lucifer, and the day after that, fly to Canada to do a film with Willem Dafoe about the Iditarod. I’ve got to learn how to mush a dog sled.
That’s awesome. It’s like getting sponsored to learn a cool obscure skill.
It’s definitely a nice side effect of being an actor. What other job would allow you to learn how to mush a dog sled, unless you were actually becoming a professional dog sled musher? It’ll be great.
How is it for you to switch between characters, with so little time between roles sometimes?
It really depends on your approach to acting. I approach from the point of view of a child. I have two young children, and the great thing about being that age, is they can switch from one thing to another in an instant. Very fluid. I think because I’ve never trained as an actor, I can see work as play. Some actors live as a cobbler for 5 years to play a cobbler, and that’s what works for them. Personally, I pretend. When I'm mushing dogs, I will give the illusion that I really know what I'm doing. That’s what acting is: an illusion that the audience willingly participates in. And everybody is complicit.
You didn’t have professional training?
No. I used to write comic sketches at school with a friend of mine, and we didn't trust anybody else to perform them, so we did. The Drama teacher at school asked me on many occasions to be in a play, but I always said no. Then on one occasion, he asked me to step into a play called “The Rivals” by Sheridan, filling in for an actor who’d fallen ill three days before the production was due to be performed. I said yes. To this day, I have no idea why I agreed. But I did the play, and was of course bitten by the acting bug.
After that, a local Dramatics company asked me to join them, so I did amateur theatre for a year. Then I attended Queen Mary College London University and majored in English literature. I was lucky enough to have a professor who loved Shakespeare and Jacobean drama, and he cast me in all of those plays. As an English Lit major, I was doing two or three Shakespeare plays a year, performing roles that I never would have been given if I'd been at Drama School. I'm not against it, but I don't think it's for everyone. I got my union card in Britain after doing a Beckett play, and then just started working professionally. I also did a lot of Repertory Theatre in the UK, which I think is a great training ground for actors. So it was all slightly accidental, the case with a lot of people.
How did you choose to play Dracula? What about that part compelled you?
I played him onstage once, a great experience. Dracula is the sort of character people love guiltily. If you get the opportunity to play that, it's a no-brainer. Just reading Bram Stoker’s book, your sympathy is with Dracula, in many ways. You live the story through him. It's such a wonderful ride to be playing a man whose been alive for hundreds and hundreds of years. Dracula plays to our secret desires, our secret fears. I think in all of us, there is a fascination with the idea of living forever. Fear of living forever, and fear of death; the Dracula myth plays on that edge. It’s so powerful because it takes something that we all have to face one day and says, what if you didn’t? But in gaining immortality, you lose something very important. Dracula is very enviable in some ways, but is also deeply sad and tragic.
How is it, playing tragic characters?
Among the few advantages of getting older is you have more life experience, including with tragedy. It’s inevitable. And you can draw on those memories. But you can also draw on your fears as well. I did a scene in Outlander, toward the end, where my brother is dying. I thought of my own father, and all the things I never said to him. Those emotions definitely informed that scene. When tragedy and death and loss touch your life, you carry those feelings into your future.
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Are you an animation fan?
I love animation, I grew up with it. Along with books, it was my first experience of storytelling. Cartoons, as we called them; they fired my childhood imagination. It’s like how we were talking earlier, about children, and the profundity of animation to them. The first film I saw in a theatre was Walt Disney’s Peter Pan. I was five and had no question that those characters were real. To such an extent that when they took the posters down at the cinema, I got upset. I was like, “But where’s Peter? Where’s he gone?” Because I thought Peter lived in the cinema. I still get absorbed into great pieces of animation, when the artistry is powerful, and it’s part of my attraction to doing animated work. And this show, Castlevania, is particularly beautiful.
How were you introduced to the project, and did you have expectations going in?
I knew it was going to be great. I was recording Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when the Voice and Casting Director, Meredith Layne, pulled me aside. She said she was on a project and couldn’t tell me much, but she thought I’d be a fit, and would I like to be considered? Meredith has great taste, so I said “Of course” and sent in a tape. And when I heard that Warren Ellis was the writer, that was a huge attraction. I love his comic book work, and fiction as well. The Crooked Little Vein is one of my favorite books. Really, it couldn’t not be great, and the more I learned of the creative team behind it, the more sure I was. Everything put into the show - the casting, directing, producing, animation - elevates it so hugely above anything comparable. I love that it occupies this unique space.
What do you feel Castlevania’s Dracula uniquely brings to the character?
It’s his being human that makes it so interesting. When I portrayed Dracula onstage, there was no suggestion that that version of him felt love, or experienced empathy. But in this production, a woman, Lisa, takes him by surprise. She makes him feel, and turns his life around. I love that, because everybody can relate. You think your life is one way, then you meet someone who changes everything, opens your life up, makes you think about it differently - and makes it more enjoyable to be alive. And since Dracula is essentially dead, that irony is very clever.
Do you have a favorite representation of vampires in Media?
I'm a little biased, but I love the portrayal of Cassidy by Joe Gilgun in Preacher. It’s so unconventional. Herzog’s Nosferatu springs to mind, just incredible. Gary Oldman’s Dracula is wonderful. And I loved Let the Right One In, the original Swedish version. It’s genius. It took something familiar as a vampire story and gave it a whole new spin.
You work so much in the fantasy genre - is that purposeful?
Oh yeah. I love the variety. I've been a Viking, a Roman - twice - after always dreaming of playing one, I got to be one for a whole year. Growing up in the UK, you never imagine yourself getting to be a cowboy. On the first season of Preacher, there was a scene I rode into a western town: the whole duster coat with the Stetson guns, surrounded by horses and wagon trains, all the paraphernalia. I had to look cool and unbothered. I wanted to jump up and down in excitement. I was so, pathetically excited. I did a season of 24, and I’d been a huge fan. Every day I’d go up to the producers telling them I was a huge fan. After a while, they’d say, “Yeah, great, we get it. You like the show. You’re in it now, so if you could just be the character that’d be great.”
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And I still get a pathetically childish enjoyment out of playing Dracula. What kid doesn’t want to play Dracula?! I once talked to Lance Henriksen, and he said one of the reasons he went into acting was to be thousands of people. You get to be a cowboy and a vampire and a dog musher and a Highlander in the 18th century and a dwarf in Middle Earth. I'd definitely rather do any of that than put on a suit and do a courtroom scene. Not that I wouldn’t! I’ve just never been asked. No one’s ever looked at me and said, “Let’s cast him as The Dad.”
Have you ever played a “Castlevania” game?
I am a terrible game player.
But, but - your voice is in like every game of the past decade!
Yes, I have done loads of video games. I did a franchise called “Uncharted”. Award-winning; incredibly popular. Never played them. I played one game years ago with my friend, called “Gears of War”. I was so bad at it. I'm the guy that shoots in a circle around his feet. I’m useless at them.
Your character's bad-assery makes up for it. Anything to say to fans of the show, in advance of season two?
I just really hope you enjoy it and get carried along with the story and and want to see more. That’s always the greatest thing, if you can get the fans to clamor for more ❀
Follow Graham on Twitter and Instagram
Thank you for the interview Graham! Without a doubt, you’re the kindest chronic bad guy I’ve come across. 
- Cooper ❀
(Craving another CV interview? Read Richard Armitage’s here.)
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Just A Typical Morning
Sophie is just the typical 10-year-old girl. Except for her family life where she grows up in a foster home with a mom, a dad, 15 older siblings, six younger siblings, and several pets. Yup. Definitely typical. 
Hi, whoever is reading this. My name is Sophie Hathaway and this is my life. I am 10 years old and just moved to a new school. I’m not like other kids my age. I mean I go to school, hang out with my friends after school, I draw for competitions, I like soccer and video games but I also like stuffed animals and musicals. So I would say that I’m mostly normal.
Sophie was looking in a mirror getting ready for school in her tiny closet bedroom. She was dressed in a white tank top, a red plaid flannel shirt, jean leggings, and black converse. She tied her long curly ebony hair in a ponytail before putting her signature dark blue messenger hat on and turned to her white Maine Coon cat. “Well, Lion? What do you think?” Lion responded by lazily sprawling out on one of her shirts. Sophie rolled her midnight blue eyes and said “Thanks for the input Lion. Seriously that helps so much.” The moment Lion started to chew on the shirt she yanked it out from under him. Lion started to meow loudly in annoyance. Sophie smirked and said, “Yeah love you too bud.” She ruffled his fur and left her room her door ajar so Lion could wander in and out.  
The only way I’m not normal is family wise. I live in a foster home with several other kids. I’ve lived here since I was six years old and grew up in the younger half of the family. Lion came with me because he’s been my cat since I was five though he was my original mother’s cat. I kind of have learned to thrive in chaotic situations after living here for so long.
Sophie was looking for her backpack for school. She didn’t know why it wasn’t in her room with all her other things but she could chalk that up to it getting mixed up with some other moving boxes. She looked in the closest room to her own bedroom, being her brothers Timmy and Snap’s room, and saw a familiar bag strap sticking out from under the blue bed while Timmy’s Golden Retriever puppy, Sparky, was lying on the bed. She grabbed it and pulled it out from under the bed. “Timmy Turner! Can you please explain what MY backpack was doing under YOUR bed?!” Sophie yelled.
A brown haired, blue eyed, buck-toothed boy poked his head into the room. “I needed crayons for my comic book and you have the best crayons in the house,” Timmy explained like it was obvious.
This is Timothy Turner or “Timmy” for short. He’s older than me by a few months and has been here longer than any of us. See when he was two, our foster parents moved next door and noticed something not so good. His real parents were neglecting him and Timmy had a caretaker that was abusing him. So Cosmo and Wanda, who are our parents, did what was best and called social services on them. Cosmo and Wanda eventually adopted Timmy as their son and the rest is pretty much history. The weird thing about this story though is that we think Timmy may have had a twin sibling. Keyword: Think. There were two cribs in the house although since there wasn’t any record of Timmy’s birth and no other evidence that there was another baby in the house, it’s just theory for now. Sparky was Timmy’s tenth birthday present. Mom and Dad got him in March so he’s just a puppy.
Timmy acts like what you think a “typical” ten-year-old boy is. He likes gross things like dead frogs and literally has no idea how girls work to point I’m pretty sure he thinks females have a whole different language. He can be a selfish jerk sometimes but he can be a good brother too. We play video games together a lot and he once told I’m the sister he didn’t know he could wish for.
“Dude. Stop stealing my crayons!” Sophie said rolling her eyes.
“Then buy me some fancy ones like yours.”
“Right. Like I have my own money. We are literally both 10.” Sophie said deadpanned. Sophie was checking her box for missing crayons. Okay, everything seemed in order except. Hang on. Something was wrong with her blues. “Slate, Sky, Navy, Indigo, Cobalt, Teal, Ocean, Peacock, Azure, Cerulean, Lapis, Spruce, Stone, Aegean, Berry, Denim, Admiral, Sapphire, Arctic…. Hey. Where’s my blue crayon? I have all my other blues but not the normal blue one.” Sophie said looking up from her crayon box after counting them.
“Oh yeah! Nerd-tron borrowed it for his science junk notes,” Timmy said getting his own backpack for school.
“Ugh, you gotta be kidding me with this!” Sophie groaned as she stomped to the room next door and knocked.
“Jimmy! I need my crayon! You know I hate having an incomplete box!” Sophie waited for a few minutes before Jimmy opened the door and Jimmy’s mechanical dog Goddard suddenly ran by her legs.
“Oh hey, Sophie. What did you need again?” Jimmy asked.
“My blue crayon. You stole it from Tim who stole it from me.” Sophie explained.
“Oh, that was your crayon! No wonder it was such high quality!” Jimmy said.
“Yeah, so can I have it back?” Sophie asked.
“Of course! Let me get it for you.” Jimmy said as he started to search his desk area. Sophie followed him into his and ZIM’s shared room.
That’s James Neutron or “Jimmy” for short. He’s older than me by about a year and came here shortly after Timmy did. Nobody's quite sure what happened to his parents but Mom and Dad found him just wandering in traffic and took him to CPS. They did find some of his relatives on his father’s side but nobody took him because he’s apparently some sort of “bad omen” or something, so mom and dad took him in. It was then they were like “Well we already got the two kids, why not open up a foster home for more?” So he kinda started the whole Vanguard Home for Wayward Children in a way. He built Goddard when he was around six so it was a year before I got there.  
Jimmy is super smart, probably the smartest of all of us entirely being skilled in several different fields of science already. Though this can be annoying when he acts like a know it all and won’t admit when he makes a clear mistake. He stays mostly serious and doesn’t really play too much with us. Mostly because of Timmy. Timmy annoys him. However, he acts like a leader to us and takes care of us so that’s pretty good.
“Ah! Here it is!” Jimmy said holding up the crayon.
“Thanks, Jim. You’re a peach!” Sophie said as she put it in her bag.
“No problem. See you downstairs.” Jimmy said as he grabbed his bag and headed out. Sophie also started to head out starting to recount her crayons until she bumped into a teenage boy with black hair and ice blue eyes.
“Ow sorry, Danny…” Sophie said grinning sheepishly.  Danny rubbed his head as he stood up with his Bulldog, Cujo’s leash in hand.
“It’s cool Soph I was just gonna take Cujo out real quick. Hold on. You got a smudge on your face.” Danny said trying to wipe it off.  
“Mom c’mon stop!” Sophie whined as she tried to squirm out his grasp.
Danny groaned and said “Sophie. If you just hold still this would be over in a second.”
A high-pitched male voice called to them interrupting the squabble. “Danny! Sophie! What type of eggs do you want for breakfast?”
“Scrambled, please! And can I have hot chocolate to drink SB?” Sophie asked politely as she rushed to the banister to get away from Danny, making him sigh shaking his head.
“Of course sweetheart! Danny! What about you?” SB called back from the kitchen.
“I’ll take sunny side up SB!” Danny said as he and Cujo walked down the stairs. Sophie watched SB’s elderly cat Gary go downstairs followed by Lion and Sparky.
Those were two of my older brothers Daniel Fenton/”Danny” for short and Spencer Bob Sawyer-Patterson or “SB” for short. They both came here not too long after Timmy and Jimmy.
Danny is 14 and a freshman in high school. His parents were great scientists but died tragically in a lab accident when he was around four-ish. While his sister’s Jazz and Dani went to an all girls home Danny was not allowed to follow them making him end up here. Soon after he got here Mom and Dad got him a bulldog named Cujo to help him cope.
Danny is a really kind older brother. He’s kind of one of our parents second in command. So much so we actually call him mom because he always scolding us for doing the stupid things we do and wiping crap from our faces like you just saw. Danny always groans when we call him that even though he tells groan-worthy puns in return. Though we all know he secretly likes us calling him that as a term of endearment.
SB is 20 and currently going to culinary school while he lives here at home with us. Like Jimmy, we don’t actually know what happened to his parents. Every time he’s asked about it SB just bawls his eyes out. So we just stopped asking. All we know about his parents is that they are the ones that took SB to get his cat Gary, who has lived so long none of us know how old he is. Not even SB who got him as a full grown cat. Timmy swears he’s immortal while I’m just hoping we don’t come home from school one day and find him under a sofa “sleeping”.
SB is super sweet to all of us though he can be a little clueless and super innocent at times. Though I think he knows that strangely enough. Mom and Dad let him cook the meals for all of us cause he’s just such a good cook. He even makes all our lunches for school which takes so long he actually gets up at 4:00 AM to take his time making them. He’s definitely more of an early bird than any of us.
“Danny! Hurry up! We gotta leave in 30 minutes!” a black haired and violet-eyed teenage goth girl called from downstairs. Danny got to the bottom of the stairs with Cujo in hand and Sophie followed close behind.
“I know Sam. I just gotta take Cujo out to pee.” Danny said as he kissed her cheek before going outside.
“Morning dad,” Sophie said as she passed Sam to get to the kitchen.
“Good morning to you too son,” Sam said as she bumped the back of Sophie’s head.
Sophie went into the kitchen where she saw her brother SB with his curly dyed bright yellow hair with his original ginger hair peeking out and bright blue-eyes putting food down in front of her other older brother with dyed pink hair and dark brown eyes named Patrick. Jimmy and Timmy were already in the kitchen racing each other in an egg eating race. “Morning SB. Morning Pat-Pat.” Sophie said as she kissed both of their cheeks.
“Morning Soph-a-Loaf! Your breakfast is almost ready!” SB said cheerfully as he put down a fruit salad down for Sam who just walked in with her spider-shaped bag.
“Thanks, SB,” Sophie said sitting down next to Patrick who was scarfing down his food loudly which went along so nicely with Timmy and Jimmy’s muffled yelling. Sophie giggled as Sam pinched the bridge of her nose.
SB put a hand on her shoulder and asked “Tea?” Sam nodded quickly as SB poured her a cup of earl gray tea.
That is my sister Samantha Manson or “Sam” for short and my brother Patrick Star. They both came here about a few months after Danny and SB. Both have connections to Danny and SB too. Sam has been Danny’s best friend since kindergarten and now she is his girlfriend. Patrick has also been SB’s best friend since kindergarten.
Sam is the same age and grade as Danny. Her parents tried to force her into a life of fame and fortune that she frankly never wanted. So much so she ran away from her parents and ended up here. She and Danny just kind of clicked and got together by the end of middle school. Mom and Dad were pretty accepting of this. They just ask Danny and Sam make sure if and when they do something they are either out of the house, the entire family but them is out of the house, or lock the door which I’m still not sure what they mean by that. Do they mean kiss? Cause they’ve kissed in front of us before. Like more than once.
While we call Danny “Mom” we call Sam “Dad” a lot as an inside joke between all us. If Danny mothers us by taking care of our injuries and wiping stuff off our faces then Sam fathers us by punishing us when we do something wrong. Like when one of my older brothers, Manny,  “wandered” into a Victoria Secret to see girls. Even Danny knew that he was a dead man when Sam went to fish him out. I do still look up to her as one of my female role models. I mean she so strong-willed and passionate that I kinda wanna be like her when I’m older.
Patrick is 22 and currently going through community college though he’s not that great at it. Not that he’s stupid, he’s just a little slow. His parents have been out of the picture for a while so his older sister was taking care of him. A few years later he said his sister got “lost in the tide”. Whatever that means. He also has a pet a rock named Rocky that he randomly just found in the park one day and took it home with him.
Patrick’s such a sweetheart and really tries hard for us despite his faults like him being slow and kinda lazy too. Seriously he like sleeps a lot. I think I tend to pick up habits from my siblings cause I swear I have fallen asleep in some weird places just like him. Mom and Dad depend on him to feed the pets while SB feeds us.
Patrick got up and started putting down the food bowls for the pets after scarfing down his breakfast. He put down a bowl of nuts and bolts for Goddard, three bowls of big dog for Sparky, Boodles, and Perrito, a bowl of medium dog food for Cujo, two bowls of cat food for Gary and Lion, he put some sprinkles on Rocky, put out a muffin for Minimoose, and he put out a bowl of clams for Grudge. Goddard, Sparky, Gary, and Lion were already eating. Danny came in with Cujo and Cujo made a dash for his bowl as SB put down Danny’s and Sophie’s eggs. As SB poured Sophie’s hot chocolate into a mug, a tan boy with messy brown hair and green eyes rubbing his eyes sleepily came into the kitchen.
“Morning Tak!” Sophie said chipperly.
“Subah mere pyaare parivaar.” (Translation: ‘Morning my lovely family.’ {Hindi}) Tak said obviously not being too terribly awake as he made his way to the toaster. He spent a minute staring at it before he started to hit it. “Why. Won’t. This. Cursed. Machine. Work!”
Danny promptly went and stopped Tak from hitting it. “Tak. Leave the toaster alone. If you want toast so much then just sit next to Sophie and I’ll make it for you but Tak... the toaster isn’t even on.” Danny calmly explained.
“Oh…” Tak mumbled blushing as he sat next to Sophie. Sophie giggled and kissed his cheek.
That’s my brother Tak Pupanunu. He’s 13 and came here about a year after Danny, SB, Sam, and Patrick. He was the first one of us to come from a different country which he was raised in India. As far as we know his parents gave him up at one of the shrines and was adopted by his Uncle Jibolba and his adopted older brother Lok. However, Jibolba started to get sick and had to stay in the hospital most of the time. They moved to America so Jibolba could get better care. With Lok already being of age and Tak wasn’t it was inevitable he would be put into foster care. Tak is still allowed to visit Jibolba and Lok so it’s all good.
Tak’s gotten a good grasp on English though he still isn’t used to the technology. He’s a lot more mature than people give him credit for though he has been dragged into the childish side of the family by me, Timmy, and Snap before too. I was really scared when I first got here but Tak really helped me and actually treated me like a person unlike most of the legal people I had to go through to get here.
Now, this is where stuff gets kind of complicated so listen up. There was a very short pause between when Tak came and when the next kid came. Like maybe a month or so. Then Mom and Dad got five kids in a month. Like no joke. The first week were my brothers ZIM and GIR, the second week was my brother Manny, the third week was my sister Jenny, and the fourth week was my brother Blik. All of that in a row. It’s kind of insane how it happened.
“Good Morning my HORRIBLE family!” said a boy with light green skin, lavender eyes, and black hair strolled into the kitchen.
Sam rolled her eyes as she handed Tak his toast. “Morning ZIM. Did you take your meds this morning?” ZIM paused before shaking his head no.
“Zion Issac Martinez! You are supposed to take those every day.” Danny scolded.
ZIM looked down kicking the floor and mumbled out an apology. Danny sighed as he got him the right amount of pills and a cup of juice. ZIM took them without any protest.
Sophie then realized something. “Hey ZIM? Where’s GIR?”
ZIM looked at Sophie and said, “Well I did think he was following me down the stairs.” Suddenly everyone heard a loud squeaking noise. Sophie suddenly went to the stairs and caught a little five-year-old with bright blue eyes and long curly black hair.
“Hi, mama!” GIR chipperly said. Sophie sighed as a plush moose started floating around her.
“Thanks, Minimoose. Your muffin is on the counter.” Minimoose squee-ed happily as he flew into the kitchen. Sophie carried GIR into the kitchen with her.
“ZIM! You need to watch your baby brother better!” Sophie said as he put GIR in one of three booster seats and getting a bowl of Cheerios for him to eat.
“Not my fault he can’t walk downstairs.” ZIM shot back as Minimoose somehow ate that muffin in one swift motion.
Those are my brothers Zion Issac Martinez or “ZIM” for short, Greggory Ian Ramirez/“GIR” for short, and their robot Minimoose. ZIM is 12 while GIR is only five. GIR actually came here when he was pretty much a newborn. Oh, where to begin with these two. See ZIM was born to his mom as a really sick baby and he still is kind of sick but it’s better than when he was a toddler. I think it’s a sickness that affects his stomach and his liver so he can’t eat right and makes his skin this sickish greenish hue I call ‘I’m about to puke.’ green.
Anyway, their mom died shortly after GIR was born and with no father in the picture ZIM & GIR’s cousins took custody of them. They were abusive towards ZIM and didn’t take care for GIR. Eventually they just kinda got bored of toying with ZIM and listening to GIR’s cries that they just dropped them off here and didn’t look back. ZIM soon built Minimoose to care for both of them with daily reminders for ZIM to take his meds and keeping an eye on GIR.
ZIM is a bit… much? Oh, how do I even describe him? He’s brash, overconfident, and arrogant literally thinking he’s better than every one of us and better than anyone that he’ll ever meet. I have a theory that it’s because of him being bullied for being this sickly that he just ended up like this. He’s also really smart like Jimmy he just can’t really focus on a project for too long. I think mom once said after bringing him home from his doctor that he has ADHD or something like that.  ZIM is a good guy. Really he is. It's just really, really, REALLY hard to find the good in him. He does have his moments though. As for GIR well… I can literally describe him using two words. Sunshine and Sugar. Make of that what you will.
“We should probably teach GIR how to properly walk downstairs at some point,” Jimmy pointed out.
“We could probably cut his hair and he would be fine.” Timmy also pointed out as Sophie got out a brush and gasped.
“Absolutely not! His hair is a gift to society and should never be cut!” She started to brush GIR’s hair and tie it back into pigtails as GIR happily ate his Cheerios.
“So are you gonna brush his hair every single day?” Tak asked teasingly.
“I will if it means preserving his beauty!” Sophie said confidently.  
“What are we talking about?” a boy with tan skin, chocolate brown eyes with a scar over one of them, and curly chocolate black hair walked in with his bag.
SB handed him a plate with a sausage smothered in hot sauce. “Soph-a-Loaf got offended by the idea of cutting GIR-Bear’s hair.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is? It’s just a haircut to make him look shiny and clean!” Patrick said clapping.
“Of course it’s a big deal! How else is GIR gonna get all the ladies in his kindergarten class? He’s stinking handsome with his hair.” The boy said ruffling up GIR’s hair as GIR giggled and the boy took a bite of his sausage.
“Thank you, Manny for seeing my point,” Sophie said.
“Anytime Mi Amor,” Manny said winking at Sophie. Sophie groaned and rolled her eyes.
That’s my brother Manuel Pablo Gutierrez O’Brian Equihua Rivera or “Manny” for short. He’s 13 years old and actually is the second one of us to come from a different country. That being Mexico. His parents got divorced when he was really little and lived with his father and grandfather. However, it was deemed an unsafe living environment for Manny to live in so he was sent here. Both his parents and grandfather do still have visiting rights so that’s good at least.
Like Tak, he adapted to speaking English pretty fast and unfortunately has developed quite a habit of flirting like I mentioned with the whole Victoria Secret incident. Also, he just likes rebelling against authority just for the fun of it. Don’t get me wrong he’s just as protective as all my other brothers but he can be a bit obnoxious sometimes.
“What? Can’t handle my charm huh?” Manny said wiggling his eyebrows.
“Yeah, something like that…” Sophie mumbled.
Manny narrowed his eyes and squeezed her sides as he said “¡Ataque sorpresa!” (Translation: ‘Surprise Attack!’ {Spanish})
Sophie let out an inhuman noise and bumped her knee on the table. “You little ffff,” Sophie growled blushing.
“Sophia. Language. Little ears are listening.” Danny said pointing to GIR.
“...fluffer.” Sophie finished with a bite in her voice. Manny laughed along with Timmy and ZIM as he high-fived them. “Why do I suffer this type of abuse in this household?” Sophie grumbled.  
“Boys leave your sister alone. Just cause she’s younger than you doesn’t give you the right to pick on her just at random. At least be consistent if you are gonna tease her,” a teenage girl with red hair, blue eyes, and a robotic brace on her right arm and leg scolded as she walked into the kitchen. The boys rolled their eyes and each mumbled out an apology.
Sophie smiled and said “Thanks, Jenny.”
“Anytime Soph. Say, Jim? Can you loosen up the brace on my arm? I think it’s too stiff and I can’t really move it around that well.” Jenny explained.
“Sure thing Jen!” Jimmy said getting out a screwdriver from his backpack.
“You keep a screwdriver in your bag?” Sam asked raising an eyebrow. Jimmy just shrugged and got to work.
That’s my one of my other older sisters Jennifer Wakeman or “Jenny” for short. She’s 16 and is the oldest of us girls besides Mom. Jenny and her mom got into a really bad car crash that left Jenny’s mom paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair. Jenny wasn’t hurt nearly as bad but it left her right arm and leg paralyzed and unusable without special braces. Jenny can still visit her mom who now lives in an assisted living facility. She lived in all girls home before being transferred here.
Despite the trauma she’s been through, Jenny is a super sweet and upbeat person if not a little naive at times too. She’s usually the one who takes all of us shopping for clothes whenever we need it. She’s super into fashion and literally spends hours on the computer researching the latest trends so she can be a designer when she’s an adult.
“Finished!” Jimmy said as he pulled the screwdriver away and put it back in his bag. Jenny flexed her arm and sighed happily grabbing a granola bar to eat.
“Much better. Thanks, Jimmy!”
“No problem Jen.”
“By the way after school, we need to go to the mall for some new summer clothes,” Jenny stated munching on the granola bar.
“And who’s exactly paying for this?” a man with brown skin, black hair tied back in a man bun, and goldish eyes asked as he walked into the kitchen with a newspaper under his arm.
“Good Morning Blik!” Jenny said cheerily as she hugged his arm. “I was kinda hoping you would?” Jenny asked batting her eyes at him. Blik side eyed Jenny and it was then decided by Sophie that her sister needed help.
Sophie tugged at Blik’s pants and said in a cutesy voice “Pwease Bliky? We are growing children. We need new clothes.”
Blik blushed at the nickname, sighed, and picked Sophie up placing her on his hip. “Alright fine. I will pay for the clothes.”
That is our oldest brother Blik Cramdilly. He’s 25 and just finished college this year but moved back to help Mom and Dad take care of us all. His father ditched him and his mom after he and his brothers were born. Unfortunately, their mother passed away when they were kids and their grandmother passed away when they were teenagers. This led to them being unable to inherit their massive fortune and while his brothers, Waffle and Gordon, had family members to take care of them due to both their father's side of the family, Blik did not. This is how he ended up in foster care. Six months later he did inherit his fortune along with his two brothers before they went off to college. However, Blik remained loyal to our strange family and would come back to visit us until he graduated. He then came back home to help raise us and help with the finances.
Blik can be a real grump sometimes. And loud. Very loud too. He likes buying things for himself so he can seem very powerful to those who try to cross our family. Even though he acts like it’s the worst thing in the world I think that he secretly likes buying us things. I don’t know, he just seems like he’s in good mood after seeing me with the tablet he bought me for drawing or when SB thanks him for the new set of pots and pans Blik got for him. He also is the one who keeps track of our doctor visits and allergies surprisingly enough. I think that shows he’s at least somewhat concerned for our wellbeings.
“Ugh, do we have to go clothes shopping AGAIN? We already have okay clothes.” Tak complained.
Jenny sighed and booped Tak’s nose. “Someday dear brother you will understand the importance of fashion.”
Blik put Sophie down and said, “Alright does everyone have their backpacks?” He was met with a chorus of Yes’s, Yeah’s, Yup’s, and Duh’s.
“Alright then. SB give everyone their lunches.”
“Okey Dokey!” SB said cheerfully as he handed everyone a personalized lunch box.
The lunch boxes were hanging up on a rack in the kitchen. Each lunch box was a different color to tell who’s was who’s. Blue for Jimmy, Pink for Timmy, Green for Danny, Violet for Sam, Yellow for SB, Lime for Patrick, Orange for Tak, Magenta for ZIM, Teal for GIR, Brown for Manny, Bright Blue for Jenny, and Light Pink for Sophie.
“By the way, your sushi is in the fridge whenever you eat your lunch today,” SB said looking back at Blik who was getting coffee.
“Thanks, SB.” Blik said taking a long sip of that coffee from a ‘Nope.’ mug.
A frazzled looking woman with pink curly hair and wearing a yellow blouse came into the kitchen. “Okay! It is almost time for school! Is everyone in the kitchen? Let me get a headcount,” she said as she started silently started to count.
That’s our mom Wanda Cosma. Her dad runs a successful garbage company and she’s the heiress so we get funds from her dad. It’s pretty cool. She may run the company if she ever gets sick of being a stay at home mom which I don’t think is happening anytime soon.
She’s pretty much our responsible parent. You know the usual stuff. Stopping us from doing stupid things and making sure we don’t go to the hospital more than once a month each. That kind of stuff. She tends to play bad cop in actually disciplining us instead of letting us run wild and free. She’s actually really great at balancing all of us and making sure we get the attention we deserve and/or crave.
“Wait there is only 13 of you and Poof is upstairs with your father so which nine are we missing?” Wanda asked.
Blik looked at what lunch boxes are left. “Indigo, Aqua, Fuschia, Bubblegum Pink, Red, Gray, Bright Green, Powder Blue, and Moss Green.”
Wanda was trying to connect the colors to the kids as Sophie spoke up. “Snap isn’t down here.”
“And Boodles didn’t come in for breakfast…. so Bunsen isn’t up yet either.” Jimmy deduced.
“Neither did Perrito so Dora isn’t up,” Jenny added.
“Meaning Marinette and Tikki aren’t up either,” Sam concluded.
“Now that you mention it… I don’t remember seeing Adrien or Plagg get up either.” Danny said.
“Well, I know Vendetta and Charlotte are up,” Manny said shrugging.
“Where are they then?” Wanda asked with her hands on her hips.
“In the backyard with Grudge doing… something? I don’t know. Vendetta is a weird kid.” Manny said throwing his arms up like ‘what do you want me to do about it?’
Wanda sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as she walked out of the kitchen and into the foyer. “Snap White! Bunsen Knai’livac! Dora Marquez! Marinette Dupain-Cheng! Tikki Dupain-Cheng! Adrien Agreste! Plagg Agreste! Charlotte Winfrey! Vendetta Mortcheva! It is time for school! Come to the kitchen!” Wanda waited for a moment before she heard feet running from the downstairs bathroom and down the stairs.
From the downstairs bathroom was a pale teenage girl with blueish-black short pigtails blue eyes, and freckles carrying a five-year-old girl with fair skin, short dark red hair, and matching blue eyes. The two coming down the stairs was a very lightly tanned teenage boy with blond hair and green eyes carrying a five-year-old boy with dark brown skin, messy black hair, and matching green eyes.
The two teens nearly crashed into each other as they both said with a slight French accent: “Sorry mom!”
Wanda shook her head. “What were you doing that took you so long? Marinette? Adrien?”
“Tikki’s hair was a real mess so I’ve been messing with it so it stays flat for the day,” Marinette said as she let Tikki down to get a poptart from SB. Wanda nodded to Marinette before looking at Adrien and Plagg for their excuse.
“Plagg was being a butt and whining about going to school so he was not being cooperative this morning,” Adrien said bluntly.
“SCHOOL IS BORING!” Plagg yelled from Adrien’s arms.
“Plagg sweetie. If GIR and Tikki have to go to kindergarten then so do you. As much as you want it to be so, Adrien can’t carry everywhere.” Wanda explained calmly.
Plagg pouted and said “Fine but there better be Camembert in my lunch.”
Wanda nodded and looked at SB who was giving the Bubblegum Pink and Red lunch boxes to Marinette and Tikki. “Oh right!” SB said as he grabbed the Gray and Bright Green lunch boxes and walking over to Adrien and Plagg. He handed Adrien the Gray lunch box before kneeling down to Plagg’s height giving him the Bright Green lunch box.
“And I put extra Camembert so you can be an extra good boy today!” SB smiled.
Plagg grinned hopping up and down. “Cool! Thanks, SB!”
If you couldn’t tell the girls are Marinette Dupain-Cheng and her little sister Tikki while the boys are Adrien Agreste and his little brother Plagg. Adrien is 15, Marinette is 14, and Tikki and Plagg are both five years old just like GIR. All four of them are originally from France actually and came around the same time about a few months before Poof was born so it was a little stressful for mom but dad handled it really well. Marinette and Adrien are also dating too and follow the same rules as Danny and Sam.
Marinette and Tikki’s parents tragically died in a car crash on a really rainy night while Marinette was babysitting Tikki. Her parents always dreamed of moving to America with their daughters to start a franchise of bakeries so that’s what Marinette told her grandmother, who really was too busy traveling to take care of her granddaughters. So she came over to America with them and dropped them both off here and they stayed here ever since.
Adrien and Plagg’s story is a bit more troubling. See shortly after Plagg was born Adrien’s mother went missing and Adrien’s father became more and more closed off towards his sons. His father wanted the Agreste name to be absolutely perfect with no smudges what so ever. So he forced Adrien to be a model and controlled what Adrien did, where he would go, who he would talk to, and even what he ate. Plagg though wasn’t as treated as “nice” as Adrien was. Their father didn’t see Plagg as his son due to his skin color and locked him away in a back bedroom. Adrien was the only one allowed to care for him and this caused Plagg to become inseparable with Adrien. After Adrien’s bold move of divorcing his father, he and Plagg were moved to be closer to their mother’s friends, the Bourgeois’, who lived in America leading them to come here.
Marinette is a lot like Jenny actually. She’s sweet, outgoing, and very into fashion. She’ll be the one most likely to help Jenny shop for clothes for us. This is because the boys don’t care except for Adrien, all Sam knows is Hot Topic, I get distracted by the simplest things, Dora is still new to this “teenage girl” thing, and Tikki, Vendetta, and Charlotte are way too young to understand. Though her differences from Jenny, Marinette is a bit more awkward in social situations and way clumsier than any of us. She has her moments of confidence though. Especially when she’s sticking up for Tikki or any of us for that matter.
Tikki is the polar opposite of both GIR and Plagg oddly enough. For a five-year-old, she is incredibly calm and quiet. Like to strange level. Of course, she’s extremely kind and loving towards us. Sometimes though she just quietly follows us around. She does this for cookies. We give her a cookie and she goes away to follow someone else. We know we shouldn’t be feeding her habit but that’s literally all we can do. She won’t accept anything else. The only one that doesn’t seem to mind is Marinette because she’s used to this. Tikki is a really sweet girl though.
Adrien is definitely a people person during parties but he’s actually much of an introvert due to his father’s “brainwashing”. We’ve been helping him get more freedom though. This has turned him into a more fun loving person. Oh sure he’s still kinda serious but he’s getting better. Unfortunately, Danny has gotten him into saying puns and it’s gotten kind of annoying. Still, Adrien is an extremely kind person despite what his father has done to him over the years and is being a big help to us with the smaller kids.
Plagg apparently used to be a very silent and obedient child under his father’s rule according to Adrien. Yeah... I don’t buy it for a second. To me at his best Plagg is carefree and sarcastic, at his worst he’s a lazy and sour little kid. He has become Timmy, Manny, and Snap’s protege when it comes to pranks. It sucks but it makes him happy so why not? Plagg is also an extremely picky eater. He will not eat anything unless we give him Camembert cheese with it. It’s kinda weird.  
“By the way Mari? Tikki? Where’s Dora? Don’t tell me she’s still asleep.” Wanda said.
“Oh no. Perrito was whining earlier this morning so Dora took him out earlier than she usually does.” Marinette said as she bit into a banana.
Adrien came and wrapped an arm around Mari. “I think it was like six o’clock when she left cause I was in the bathroom with Plagg.”
“Well do you know when she’ll be back?” Wanda asked. Marinette tried to remember as Tikki tugged on her foster mother’s pant leg. “Yes, Tikki? What is it?”
Tikki starred at Wanda chewing on her poptart until she finally said: “Dora said she would be back before school.” Just as Tikki said that in walked a 12-year-old girl with tanned skin, long chocolate brown hair, and brown eyes holding a leash with a chocolate lab at the end of it.
“Lo Siento mama. Perrito really had to go to the bathroom,” (Translation: ‘Sorry mom.’ {Spanish}) the girl said.
Wanda sighed and said “It’s alright Dora. Just remember to take your phone with you next time you go out with Perrito. Okay?”
“Si, mama.” (Translation: ‘Yes, mom.’) Dora said letting Perrito off the leash to get his food. “By the way Patrick, could I have one of those little cookies for Perrito? He had a hard time going outside.” Dora asked. Patrick nodded as he got a special biscuit for Perrito and put it in Perrito’s food.
“Dora! Here’s your lunch box.” SB said handing the Fuschia lunch box to her.
Dora grinned and said “Gracias SB!” (Translation: ‘Thanks, SB!’)
That’s Dora Marquez. She’s 12 years old and roughly came here about a few months after I did. Like Manny, she came here from Mexico and moved to the states when she was around eight years old with her parents, her little brother and sister, her grandmother, and Perrito. When she turned nine her parents had to go back on an expedition of the rainforest to help some injured animals so while her grandmother and siblings stayed in the city, Dora and Perrito moved in with us.
Dora is a super kind person. Like to the point that it’s almost sickly sweet and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her get angry at like anything. She is kind of a tomboy like me so I look up to her a lot and like to go on adventures with her. Though lately she’s been getting more and more girly. I mean I don’t mind it so much it’s just that I either have to go with my sisters who are girlier than I am or with the boys who can be very, very annoying. Otherwise, though Dora is probably the nicest sister I could ask for.
“Dora? Did you see Bunsen or Snap get up for school?” Blik asked as Dora turned to him.
“Well I did see Bunsen’s door closed but I’m not sure about Snap,” Dora said shaking her head.
“Oh. Snap is still asleep. At least he was when I left our room.” Timmy said casually.
Wanda and Blik both facepalmed. “Sport, if he was still asleep why didn’t you wake him up?” Wanda asked.
“I dunno. I’m not his keeper!” Timmy argued.
Blik mumbled an ‘Oh my god.’ as Wanda asked: “Can one of you please go and remind your brothers that you can’t sleep in on a school day?”
“I’ll do it!” Sophie said raising her hand and then running upstairs.
“Thank you, sweetie!” Wanda called after her.
I guess it’s my turn to tell you about me huh? Like I said at the beginning my name is Sophie Hathaway and I’m 10 years old. I used to live in Hawaii with my biological family and we were all pretty happy. That was until my mother died when I was three then our family just started to drift apart. By the time I was six years old everyone was kinda placed where they needed to be and while I was supposed to go with my uncle, he was traveling too much to take care of me. So that’s how I ended up here a few years after Blik came but before Dora, Marinette, Tikki, Adrien, and Plagg. I still see some of my older siblings often enough and my dad comes to visit us once a month with my siblings Skylar, Silas, Liv, Nate, and Stef so it’s okay I guess.
I was really scared of everyone when I first got here though. The smells and sounds were all different and while I was used to having a big family these people were basically strangers to me. Also, I spoke Hawaiian primarily in my old house and now I am forced into English daily now which six-year-old me did not approve of at all. However, they were understanding knowing I needed time and over that time I learned to trust them which was very hard for me to do. Now I couldn’t imagine my life without them.
Sophie finally made it upstairs and was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the bathroom faucet running.
“Maybe Snap or Bunsen is already up?” Sophie thought as she knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey, is someone in here?” A few seconds later a man with neatly combed green hair holding a little baby boy with a tuft of curly purple hair and purple pajamas came out of the bathroom. “Morning Dad! Morning Poof!” Sophie cooed at her little brother.
“Morning Muncha-Bunch,” Cosmo said kissing the top of her head.
That’s our dad Cosmo Cosma. He eloped with our mom! His mom never did forgive him for that but it’s fine. She stopped being mad at our mom when we came into the picture. She’s like the super cool grandma that brings us gifts like all the time.
Cosmo is our fun parent that likes to take us on trips and out to eat a lot. Though Wanda seems to rain him in when he goes too far because he can be a little careless at times but he definitely loves us. Like I said he’s the good cop to Wanda’s bad cop. He usually sneaks us dessert when Wanda scolds us too hard.
And that little baby he’s holding is our baby brother Poof. Poof is Mom and Dad’s only biological kid but despite that, they still love us equal. Poof is only like a year old so he’s the youngest of all of us
He is literally the sweetest thing. We all take turns looking after him. Except for Vendetta, Charlotte, GIR, Tikki, and Plagg. Four out the five of them should never be trusted with babies. I mean Tikki is arguably okay but everyone else is a disaster waiting to happen so just trust me on this. Don’t.
“So what are you doing upstairs? I thought you guys were ready for school?” Cosmo asked bouncing a gurgling Poof.
“Well most of us are but Snap, Bunsen, Charlotte, and Vendetta aren’t. They didn’t come downstairs.” Sophie explained.  
“Well, I saw Snap was still in bed with his door open and your sisters are outside but not sure about Bunsen,” Cosmo said tapping his chin.
“Thanks, Dad! I’m gonna go figure this out.” Sophie said.
“Okay. Get your brothers up though. We are on the clock!” Cosmo said patting her head before heading downstairs with Poof gurgling.
“I will!” Sophie called back.
She made her way to Timmy and Snap’s room to see her light blond brother hugging his pillow dreaming. Sophie sat down on his bed and started to gently shake his shoulder. “Snap. C’mon you gotta get up. We gotta go to school.”
Snap groaned and gripped his pillow tighter. “Mmmm five more minutes Buckette…” He said in his thick Bronx accent.
“No, you need to get up like right now,” Sophie said sensing the urgency of the situation. “We leave in literally 15 minutes.” Snap snored loudly to indicate the conversation was over. Sophie narrowed her eyes and said, “You leave me no choice dear brother.” Sophie pulled back her covers, slipped her hands under Snap’s light blue t-shirt, and tasered his sides.
Snap flipped the heck out and made a girlish squeal before falling out of bed. “What the heck Buckette?!” Snap yelled his bright blue eyes glaring at her.
“Told you I was left no other choice.” Sophie shrugged sticking out her tongue.
That’s one of my younger older brothers, Snap White. He’s 10 like me and Timmy though he’s a few months older than Timmy. He came here about six months after Poof was born. He originally came from a foster home in Greenland before moving to the states. Specifically the Bronx part of New York City which is where he gained his accent. So his speaking is a mix of West Greenlandic and English. He didn’t really enjoy being moved again so he acted out a lot which concerned my parents. He got super mad at a teacher for telling him his superhero clothes were ridiculous and put glue on their chair which Mom and Dad were not happy about. Then one day he saw me drawing and asked me if I was an artist. I said yes and suddenly he’s super cuddled up to me. Cut to a day later and we are basically best friends. He tells me that his cape is actually his old baby blanket and it’s the only thing that makes him feel secure. I told Mom and Dad and they took care of it. Since then Snap has been one of my closest brothers.
Snap can be really stubborn about things he thinks he’s entitled to like you just saw with the sleep problem. He’s always looking for ways to get out of boring things like adult parties or school and tries dragging us along with him. He is super clingy though like in a physical sense. He’ll cling to your arm, random hugs, hold your hand, etc. I think he may have abandonment issues but I don’t really wanna say anything to him since he’s just gonna deny them to be a “real man”.
“Þú ert að borga fyrir þetta.” (Translation: ‘You are going to pay for this.’ {West Greenlandic}) Snap glared as he put on his mask and cape.
Sophie laughed and shot back in Hawaiian, “Inā 'oe makemake i wale loaʻa i loko o ka wahi mua au makemake ole i kūpono ai i loko o ka hoʻokolokoloʻiaʻana” (Translation: ‘If you would have just gotten up in the first place I wouldn’t have resulted in the torture.’)
“I’m just saying when you walk through that door this afternoon you are dead,” Snap said as he put on his gloves and boots before walking out the door. Sophie just responded by blowing a raspberry at him. Now she was going towards Bunsen’s room.  
Sophie noticed the door was closed so she knocked on it. “Bunsen? You up? We gotta get to school.” After waiting for a minute Sophie quietly opened the door to see Bunsen’s St. Bernard puppy, Boodles, sitting at the door waiting to be let out for breakfast. “Okay, Boodles go get breakfast,” Sophie said pointing downstairs. Boodles barked and ran downstairs. Sophie quietly went into Bunsen’s room and shook his shoulder while he slept. “Bunsen we gotta go to school. Wake up.” Bunsen slowly woke up and grabbed his glasses rubbing his eyes.
“Sophie? What’s wrong? Why are you rushing me?”
“We need to go to school in like 15 minutes,” Sophie stated.
“WHAT?!” Bunsen screamed as he rushed out of bed and to put his school clothes on.
That’s one of the newest members of this family Bunsen Knai’livac. He’s 12 years old and originally came from Taiwan because his parents thought more opportunities would arise here. He’s still getting used to being with us and speaking English mostly instead of Chinese. He got here about two months ago but he’s made progress at least. The first thing he connected with was Boodles in a pet store so naturally, Mom and Dad got Boodles to give him some stability.  He still does have panic attacks about breaking the rules cause he grew up in such a strict household. We’ve been getting really good at calming him down and he’s even joined theater at school!
People who don’t really know Bunsen would describe him very loud and excitable which I mean is true to a certain degree. However, to us, we know him better than some strangers. He has the anxiety of letting his parents down constantly on his shoulders that he wouldn’t be a real functioning member of society. He can be a total theater nerd sometimes but for the most part, he’s pretty quiet and nice with the occasional bits of snark here and there.
“Ó, wǒ de shàngdì. Wǒmen yào chídàole wǒmen de lǎoshī huì shēngqì, māmā hé bàba huì shēngqì. Nàme tāmen bù zài xūyào wǒle!” (Translation: Oh my god. We are going to be late! Our teachers are going to be mad and Mom and Dad are going to be mad. Then they won't want me anymore! {Chinese}) Bunsen ranted off quickly as he got dressed.
Sophie sighed and put her hands on his shoulders to calm him down. “Bunsen it’s okay. You made a mistake. Nobody is gonna send you away for that Bunsie Boo.” Sophie kissed his nose to drive her point home.
Bunsen smiled a little and kissed her forehead. “Thanks, Soph.”
“You’re welcome. Now finish getting ready and get downstairs.” Sophie said going out of the room.
Sophie made her way downstairs with Snap close behind. She didn’t think much of it until Snap’s hands found his way to her sides and Sophie squealed and started laughing. “Snap! What are you doing?!”
“Hefnd er mín!” (Translation: Vengeance is mine! {West Greenlandic}) Snap shouted. Bunsen passed them giving his siblings a weird look as Snap tickled their sister and Sophie laughed like a doofus and clung to the stair railing.
“Jenny! Snap is trying to kill Sophie again!” Bunsen yelled as he entered the kitchen.
Jenny poked her head out and glared at Snap. “Snap! Leave your sister alone! Look at her! She’s dying!”
Snap groaned and rolled his eyes complying with his older sister’s request. “Fine!”
Snap continued to walk down the stairs smirking as Sophie panted and clung to the railing. “Oh thank the gods he stopped.”
Suddenly a knock came from the front door. “I’ll get it!~” SB called as he opened the front door.
A 10-year-old boy with poofy blond hair, hazel eyes, and wearing a dark brown aviator jacket with a glow stick bracelet is on his left wrist was standing there with a smile.
“Oh hello, Xavier! You here to go to school with us?”
“Yup! Managed to escape my stick in the mud parents. Is Sophie around?”
“Hey, Xavier!” Sophie waved as she laid on the stairs.
“What are you doing lying on the stairs?” Xavier asked before sitting next to her.
“Snap nearly killed me!” Sophie yelled loud enough for Snap to hear.
“Not my fault you are so sensitive!” Snap laughed from the kitchen.
“I mean he’s not wrong.” Xavier shrugged sheepishly as he sat next to her on the stairs. Sophie playfully hit his arm in response.
That’s my best friend Xavier. He’s 10 years old like me and is a week older than me. While he isn’t part of the family he might as well be. His parents are kind of overbearing so he likes coming over here more. I met him when his family was vacationing in Hawaii. Since then we’ve been inseparable. He was the one who helped me with my English and helped me to adjust to mainland America. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine living without him. He’s just always there for me and gets along with the family well. He’s kind of like the unofficial kid of the family where he’s part of the family but “legally” we aren’t responsible for him. So that’s pretty cool.
He’s super intelligent in the book smart kind of way. I remember when his family visited Hawaii and we became friends, he would read on the beach and I would just listen to him. Sometimes I would even fall asleep to him reading. Xavier is also 87% of my impulse control. Like if I didn’t have him, I’d probably would've died by now from a stupid decision.
“What? I’m just saying you are and there is nothing wrong that.” Xavier said putting up his hands in a defensive position.
“Ugh, you’ve spent too much time with this family. I swear to the gods. You are starting to sound like most of my brothers. You better not start selling me out to them.” Sophie scolded. “BLIK does that enough!”
“Hey! I have never done that in the four years you’ve lived here.” Blik argued as he walked into the room
“Yesterday you sold me out for a root beer to Danny!” Sophie argued.
“That wasn’t a sellout that was a trade. Very different. Now can you please get our sisters from the backyard so we can leave?” Blik smirked.
As Xavier said “Yup” Sophie let out a less enthusiastic, mumbled “Yeah.”
Blik grinned and said “Oh Timothy!~ Sophie needs-”
Sophie immediately hit his arm. “No. Shut up. I’m fine.”
Blik chuckled ruffling up her hair. “Fine then.”
“C’mon let’s go get them,” Sophie said getting off the stairs and heading towards the backyard with Xavier in tow. They walked into a pretty big backyard which has an above ground pool, a trampoline, a small playground, some swings hanging from trees, a sandbox, and a playpen for Poof to keep himself from roaming anywhere he pleases. It also has quite a lot of trees as well. Sophie spotted two girls around eight years old huddled in a corner doing… something? Sophie and Xavier both couldn’t tell what they were doing. They could only see the backs of the short, curly blonde hair of the peach skinned girl and the long, brown hair styled in messy pigtails of the much paler girl who seemed to be holding something.
“Um, Vendetta? Charlotte? Mom says to get inside. It’s time for school and Grudge still hasn’t eaten.” Sophie said pointing her thumb to the back door.
Both girls turned their heads around revealing the blonde girl’s bright blue eyes and the brunette girl’s dimmed green eyes.
“Okay Sophie!” the blonde girl said chipperly as she skipped over to hug Sophie’s waist. “Grudge made a new friend and me and Vendetta watched it!” Charlotte said bouncing up and down happily.
“What do you mean new frien- oh my god!” Xavier shouted as Vendetta came over holding her pet raccoon, Grudge, who had a snake in his mouth. A dead snake in his mouth. Lovely.
Sophie put her face into her hands and groaned. “Vendetta. You know what mom and dad have said about Grudge… erm… “making friends” with wild snakes,” Sophie censoring herself for the sake of Charlotte.
“Stupid Raccoon wanted to make a fiend.” Vendetta stated simply in her thick Bulgarian accent. “That is not mine or Charlotte’s fault.”
“Don’t you mean friend?” Xavier asked curiously.
“I said what I said.” Vendetta shot back rather rudely.  
Xavier gave a look to Sophie as Sophie sighed, “Look. I’m your big sister now so tell Grudge to drop his snake friend or fiend or whatever and get in the house so we can go to school.”
“Fine. Stupid Raccoon. Drop.” Vendetta commanded as Grudge spat out the snake.
“Yay! Time for school! Come on Vendetta!” Charlotte cheered as she grabbed Vendetta’s hand skipping into the house.
“Do not touch me you stupid blue girl!” Vendetta yelled as they both disappeared into the house.
Xavier turned his face back to Sophie and said: “I’m sorry but what the heck is wrong with your new sister?”
“Oh, so many things…” Sophie sighed shaking her head.
So like you just saw those are our new additions to the family Charlotte Winfrey, Vendetta Mortcheva, and Vendetta’s pet raccoon… yes, raccoon… Grudge. Charlotte and Vendetta are only eight years old and just got transferred here last month. They got transferred here from their old foster home in a place called Clamberg because the foster home was terrified of Vendetta and her and Charlotte are a package deal.
I’ll explain Charlotte first because really. She’s a lot easier to understand than Vendetta is.
Charlotte got put into the foster care system when she was super young. Both her parents died while attending a music festival outside of Vermont in a mass shooting, unfortunately. This caused Charlotte to be placed in Clamberg with her only known living relative, her grandmother Charlene. The sad thing is that Charlotte still doesn’t know her parents died. Charlene told her that they were both astronauts living up in a space station. Nobody has had the heart to tell her yet. Charlene got too sick to raise Charlotte so when she was six years old Charlotte was placed in the foster care system.
Charlotte is a super sweet girl. Like probably the sweetest you’ll ever meet. She loves everything in the world and everyone in it. Probably if you take her to Disney World she would be smiling the whole time and say hi to all the characters. Even the villains! She is a little… “slow”… sometimes though. She doesn’t quite understand what's happening most of the time unless someone, usually Vendetta, tells her.
Speaking of Vendetta, let's talk about her because oh boy. There’s a lot to talk about.
So as you noticed by her accent Vendetta is from Bulgaria. She moved to America when she was a toddler with both of her parents, her older sister Vasilika, and her twin sister Joanna. Soon after her parents had three more children. Vendetta’s younger twin brothers, Darian & Valko, and her baby sister Rosica. However starting after Darian and Valko were born, Vendetta’s father started to get more...abusive towards his wife and older daughters. Well, TWO of his older daughters. He never laid a hand on Joanna or any of his younger children. He did frequently hurt his wife Violetta and Vasilika but it was Vendetta who got the raw end of the deal. Vendetta’s father, if you can even call him that now, considered Vendetta his child from hell. It wasn’t just physical abuse either. When Vendetta was finally admitted to the foster after the incident (which I’ll get to in a minute) she was malnourished and was so dirty that initial reports had Vendetta’s skin and hair color way darker than it actually was.
About the incident. One night Vendetta’s “father” had been drinking quite a lot. Violetta tried to get him to stop for the children’s sake but that just made him angrier. He ended up shouting so loud he had woken up Vasilika, Vendetta, and Joanna and in a moment of panic, Vasilika grabbed the family gun. When the girls got downstairs that had found their father had just finished strangling their mother to death. When he saw his three daughters standing there witnessing him kill his wife. He was enraged and started moving towards Vasilika first and she ended up shooting him once in the head. He fell dead on the floor inches from his now dead wife. Joanna had broken down into tears. Vasilika had no idea what she had just done and just stood there in shock. But Vendetta… oh, Vendetta. She was furious. She began yelling at Vasilika for not doing that sooner. That they all could have been freed earlier if she would have thought of this. She yelled at Joanna to stop crying and blamed her for being the “perfect” one. She yelled at the corpses of her parents. Her mother for not being stronger and her father for being a complete asshole to his own wife and children. She even yelled at herself for being a ‘devil child.’  The only people she didn’t blame for this was her younger brothers and baby sister since they had nothing to do with this. Later in the early morning, Vasilika called the police and all six of them were put in the custody of CPS. Three of them scarred for life and three of them too young to understand what was happening.
After that Vendetta essentially disowned her sisters and refuses to talk to or about them. She doesn’t talk about her parents either. She still visits her younger siblings as long as Vasilika and Joanna aren’t there. When she got to the foster home in Clamberg she never played with the other kids and spent nights alone in the backyard. The entire staff and all of the children were terrified of her. Accidents started happening around the home and they blamed Vendetta but none of them could prove it. She even one night came back with a raccoon which was Grudge. He was trained to essentially be a house cat. This confused the staff for two reasons. One: Raccoons are not native to Clamberg. So where did she find this raccoon? Two: How did she even train this creature? The staff had no idea on either of these questions and they weren’t about to question Vendetta of all people so they let her keep Grudge. It was just the two of them for two years until Charlotte got there. She was the only person that wasn’t afraid of Vendetta and that struck a nerve with Vendetta. So Vendetta became Charlotte’s soul defender even though she still insulted Charlotte from time to time, though Charlotte clearly doesn’t mind.
Cut to a month ago where the Clamberg foster home had enough of Vendetta’s reign and sent her here far away from Clamberg. Charlotte just came with cause they are now a package deal.
Vendetta doesn't seem that bad as her previous foster home made her out to be. Sure she’s dark, sarcastic, weird, sometimes super mean, and cusses in Bulgarian thinking we can’t hear her when we can. She’s also super bright though and probably the smartest girl in the house. We just wish she would relax a little bit and realize we won’t let her get hurt here but we also realize she needs time and we will give her that.
...What? I told you Vendetta is a complicated creature with a complicated history.
“Let’s just go so we can finally get to school. Max is gonna chew the two of us out if we are late again.” Sophie said tiredly. Xavier nodded and followed her back into the house and into the kitchen. They stood next to Charlotte and Vendetta who was letting Grudge eat his clams from the palm of her hand. The two of them just watched the chaos conduct in the large kitchen as everybody was shouting over each other.
“Alright, kids! Listen up!” Cosmo clapped loudly as all his children proceeded to quiet down. “Okay everybody go upstairs one last time. If you have a pet put them up in your room or if the pet is in a cage in your room feed them. Double check you have everything and then proceed to the van as planned. Ready? Go!” Cosmo yelled.
Sophie picked up Lion and motioned for Xavier to follow her. She was followed up the stairs by Jimmy carrying Goddard, Timmy carrying Sparky, Danny carrying Cujo, SB carrying Gary, Patrick carrying Rocky, ZIM leading Minimoose, Bunsen carrying Boodles, Dora leading Perrito, and Vendetta carrying Grudge. The other siblings followed up the stairs to double check their rooms to not forget anything. All except Blik whose room was the garage and Poof who was safe in his mother’s arms.
Sophie lead Xavier into her room and closed the door behind them.It was a small bedroom with a tiny closet, a small bed, and a small bookshelf. When they move Sophie requested she get her own room since she was a growing young lady now and thought it be better if she didn't share a room with Timmy and Snap. Xavier flopped down on Sophie’s bed as Sophie put Lion in his cat carrier. Lion meowed in protest as Sophie answered back “I know Lion you don’t like it but it’s only for the morning.”
“Do you think he can really understand you?” Xavier asked.
“Mmm, I like to think he does.” Sophie answered as she went to her closet and pulled out a box labeled ‘Special Things.’ She rummaged through it and pulled out two books. One was was a glittery sketchbook while the other was a scrapbook with the title of ‘Family is Forever.’ She hugged them close to her chest before stuffing them into her backpack. “Okay, we can go now,” Sophie said smiling.
“Finally. You know Max is gonna kick us out of the group if we keep showing up late.” Xavier said getting up from her bed.
“No, he can’t,” Sophie said as she opened up her door and turned her light off. “First off he would have to find a new second to replace me. Second, I basically own his soul at this point. So even if wanted too he couldn’t kick us out.”
“Fair enough,” Xavier shrugged.
Sophie went to each room to check everybody was out and essentially take roll for their mother as one of her chores.
Timmy had put up Sparky in his crate as Snap fed his hamster Musty and his pet frog Wiggums. For two fifth grade boys, they could sure make a mess of everything. Sophie was glad she moved out of there.
Jimmy and ZIM put Goddard and Minimoose on chargers and left their neat bedroom. It was neat because they both pretty much spent all their time in the basement lab with Vendetta.
Danny put up Cujo in his crate as Adrien put on his mother’s ring to wear on his right hand and Plagg grabbed his black cat plush from the top bunk of his and Adrien’s bunk beds. Plagg refused to sleep with GIR and Poof in fear of losing Adrien.
SB had put Gary in his cat carrier and grabbed his clean uniform while Patrick carefully put Rocky on the side table on his side of the room. The two had shared a room every since Patrick got there and they decided to never ever switch.
Tak had fed Navis, his and his best friend Jeera’s shared guinea pig, as Manny grabbed his soccer uniform for the day. Tak wanted the room with the biggest window and Manny just wanted a huge bed so they ended up with the biggest room on the floor.
GIR had grabbed his green dog plush and Poof’s baby bag from their room as a favor for Wanda and Cosmo. ZIM didn't even want to be near GIR as he slept. GIR had his own room until Poof was born.
Finally, on the boy's side of the hall, Bunsen had put Boodles in his crate and grabbed his script for play rehearsal. Bunsen just had his own room for now until another boy showed up at the foster home.
Meanwhile, on the girl’s side of the hall, Sam had grabbed an umbrella, since it was supposed to be bright that day, and Jenny grabbed some fashion magazines for her and her best friend who was a girl, Misty, to share at lunch. Their room consisted of a lot of black, pink, and purple. The color scheme was a compromise.
While Dora had put Perrito in his crate, Marinette grabbed her late mother’s earrings to wear that day and Tikki grabbed her ladybug plush from the bottom bunk of her’s and Marinette’s shared bunk beds. As the only little girl in the house, Tikki ended up sleeping with her sister and Dora didn’t mind the extra roommate.
Finally, Vendetta set down Grudge down on her gothic styled bed, since she refused to put him in any confinements, and Charlotte fed her hamster Buttons and her bird Buttons 2 before grabbing her brightly colored girl scout uniform along with Vendetta’s black girl scout uniform. Their room was like night and day. Vendetta’s side was green and black the only decoration being her striped blanket… which was also green and black. Charlotte’s side, on the other hand, was bright blues and pinks with posters and frilly things just thrown everywhere.
Sophie counted each of her siblings going down the stairs before yelling down to her parents. “We are all ready to go, mom and dad!”
“Finally! Let’s go already!” Blik groaned as everyone went outside and piled into the large van.    
“Okay, Pacific Grove High School, Summerfield Jr. High, Sunnyside Elementary, Blue River Kindergarten, Grandview School for the Culinary Arts, Seaside Community College, and then the bank. Got it dear?” Wanda asked. “Got it and away we go!” Cosmo announced as he drove away from the house.
Cosmo was driving while Wanda sat in the passenger seat. Jimmy and Timmy were arguing about something stupid again while Danny tried to break them up with Sam chuckling at the three. SB was going over some new recipes he’s learned while Patrick drooled at all of them. Tak was messing with his seatbelt as ZIM was ranting about this kid named Dib. GIR, Tikki, and Plagg were playing with Poof happily. Manny was checking himself in the mirror, Jenny and Marinette were checking their Amazon account for new deals as Adrien listened, and Blik was reading the paper. Snap was telling Sophie something cool while she listened writing in her journal, Xavier read a book, and Bunsen was going over his lines once more as Dora giggled while Charlotte talked to her with Vendetta rolling her eyes in disgust at the two.
So yeah that’s my insane family except for my brother who's in college right now. You’ll meet him later!  Anyway, it’s a miracle I’ve survived this long. I’m glad I’m here though. I feel loved where I am and I know that I will always have a place with them even if it seems like nowhere will let me fit in.
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jasonmcgathey · 5 years
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Columbus References In Popular Culture
This page is dedicated to fictional works which have either been set in or referenced dear old Columbus, or else nonfictional ones which mention our fair city, though not entirely set here (if interested in documents which were actually created here, and/or by C-bus residents, see my “C-bus Artifacts” tab instead). Many of these occurred when the city was even more obscure than it is now, and therefore felt all the more bizarre:
100% Fresh – Adam Sandler (stand up comedy special). This Netflix offering was filmed in part at the Schottenstein Center. I haven’t seen it but the one pun I’ve heard about calling this the “Schlongenstein Center” sounds pretty lame. Amazingly, enough, however, considering it came out in 2018, this received some fairly strong Rotten Tomato scores – although the weirdest aspect might be that Paul Thomas Anderson filmed part of it. Then again, that could explain the robust reviews.
Family Ties – (TV series). Unless I’m missing something, they don’t come right out of the gate declaring where this sitcom family lives. Having said that, you’re immediately aware that the series has a very Ohio-ish feel to it – someone involved with the show’s creation clearly must have been from here. Many of us thought it completely mindblowing that there was a girl named Jenny Keaton at our school. Elise even kind of reminded me of my stepmom at the time. But I don’t actually remember anyone making a big deal of or for that matter even noticing at the time that this show was supposed to be set in this neck of the woods, probably due to this slow reveal.
As I begin binge watching the seasons, the first Ohio reference I notice at all doesn’t occur until episode 4. This older chick’s trying to seduce Alex and he’s attempting to cool her down with jokes about the Cleveland Indians (safe to say this was a suitably frosty topic circa 1982). And I don’t detect even an oblique mention of Columbus until the 6th episode, when one of Steven’s coworkers jokes about filming Woody Hayes’s house for half an hour. It’s a funny line on its own, but assumes a whole other surreal luster if you are actually watching the episodes in order and have no clue about their location.
Over time, it’s eventually established that Steven works at the Columbus PBS station. Though everyone in my family seemed to agree that he was the funniest character on the show, Alex became the breakout star and it probably explains why Michael J. Fox was the token celebrity here for Hands Across America. Rumors began to surface that the show’s creators had the Bexley area in mind when crafting this timeless family comedy, but, I don’t know, it doesn’t really look like Bexley to me. I’m thinking more like the older parts of Upper Arlington, or possibly Gahanna.
Other references of note:
Season 2, Episode 4 – Mallory receives a letter from the (fictional, as far as I know) Columbus Express newspaper saying she won this mother/daughter modeling contest, and will be featured in the Sunday supplement.
Season 2, Episode 12 – Steven says he hopes to catch the OSU-Iowa game on TV. This would have been the 1983 season. Just for entertainment value I looked up the result of this particular contest – the Buckeyes lost, 20-14, falling to a 2-1 record on the year. In the actual episode, OSU is down 16-12 on the final play of the game and this bratty kid Steven’s babysitting messes up his reception.
Season 2, Episode 14 – Tom Hanks guest stars for the 2nd time as Elise’s brother. Considering that he’s a wee bit too fond of drink these days, the family convinces him to call AA. Upon doing so, he initially makes a lame joke to the receptionist, about selling her a subscription to the Columbus Express.
This is as far as I’ve made it thus far with my binge watching research. However, this topic seems so urgent that I’m rushing to press with what I’ve got. Expect continual reports as I work through all 7 seasons.
Little Man Tate – (movie). While mostly filmed in Cincinnati, some Columbus footage is shot and makes the cut. Found among these scenes are the Wexner Center for the Arts, and downtown’s Ohio Theatre.
Our Towns – James and Deborah Fallows (nonfiction book): It’s kind of a murky, unformed premise, and I also found their writing style a little dull. But this husband and wife duo decide to fly themselves around, checking out what makes certain “small towns” in America tick. Of course even they admit it’s a bit ridiculous to refer to Columbus as a small town, although they usually don’t clarify what criteria made them choose which places, Columbus included. There’s a moderately informative chat with former mayor Michael Coleman, and the library director and a couple of other figures around town, but I wouldn’t really call this a highly engaging read.
Permanent Midnight – Jerry Stahl (memoir): This is a thoroughly engrossing read on its own, as a well-known screenwriter documents his struggles with drug addiction. The Columbus parts all occur early in the book, and are fun for different reasons, as he chronicles his early days working for Hustler magazine (I had no idea it started here, until reading this) while living at a YMCA here in C-bus.
Point Break: Who among us can ever possibly forget that Keanu Reeves’s character, the immortal Johnny Utah, is a quarterback for Ohio State before blowing out his knee, and therefore joining the FBI?
Ready Player One: The novel sets some of the action in Columbus, especially along High Street, but these references feel a little hokey and unnecessary. For the film version, Steven Spielberg decided to move the hero’s home to Columbus entirely, which might be arbitrary but is also less awkward. If I had to hazard a guess as to where The Stacks would be located, I’m going with Marble Cliff. Somewhere around that whole quarry area et cetera on McKinley Avenue.
Road Outside Columbus – O.A.R. (song). Of A Revolution are a curious case. The four original members formed this band and even released a couple of albums while still living in Maryland – and then all four of them moved here to attend OSU, adding a fifth member while doing so. They played out a ton while in school here, and were a popular draw, as I remember for example the girl who lived next door to us was majorly into them, she and all her friends. They were constantly going out to see this band play in bars all around town. Still, having said that, I don’t consider them a Columbus band. To my knowledge they never recorded any music here. I can see the argument both ways, but it feels more like an extended residency.
Road Outside Columbus has to be the best song I’ve heard from them. It’s a pleasant, catchy, Dave Matthews style jam from their 2003 album, In Between Now And Then. The subject matter is fairly obvious as Marc Roberge sings about having found his second home, though only living here a short while, even namechecking Riverside Drive and High Street in the process. And actually I think these lyrics even bolster my case that they are technically not a Columbus band, seem to be admitting as much themselves.
Roadshow – Neil Peart (nonfiction book): This really entertaining and in-depth document, written by the drummer for rock legends Rush, chronicles his decision to travel from show to show on the 2004 tour via motorcycle. He briefly mentions a show at Polaris, though no details are provided. Apparently has some family living just outside of Columbus, though, and he visits that Motorcycle Hall Of Fame in Pickerington.
The Simpsons – (TV series). Season 29’s Grampy Can You Hear Me episode is partially set at OSU. It mentions Brutus Buckeye and there’s a scene depicting the Oval.
“The Soul Is Not A Smithy” – David Foster Wallace (short story). In this tale from the Oblivion collection, a 4th grade teacher suffers a meltdown and takes hostages. I remember the kid narrating it mentions goofing around along the Olentangy River. Also trying to decide where this fictional school would be located, based upon the vague descriptions, and figuring that it must be in Upper Arlington, somewhere around Reed Road.
Teachers – (movie). This inner city school drama was filmed entirely here in town. It’s an okay if somewhat cheesy flick mostly recommended to those interested in spotting landmarks around town, and/or Nick Nolte fans. The soundtrack is probably better.
Traffic – (movie). Some of the scenes were filmed in Columbus, I think all of them downtown. Back in their snarky, pre-Dispatch ownership days, The Other Paper ran a pretty comical piece detailing how Michael Douglas successfully avoided them while filming.
Vitale – Dick Vitale (memoir). OSU had never enjoyed much of a basketball program as of this book’s creation in the late 1980’s. Nonetheless, Dick predicts that freshly minted coach Gary Williams will elevate the Buckeyes to regular top ten threats and national title contenders. Williams lasts three seasons, displaying very little of this alleged prowess. 
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