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extasiswings · 3 years

Note

“i’ll keep you warm” eddie has a nightmare post-shooting 👀 (or however you wanna write it!)

This was not supposed to be this long...rated M-ish for some mild smut at the end. On ao3 here.

The thing Eddie remembers most about the shooting isn’t the shot itself, or the pain, or even the fear—it’s the cold. The icy numbness of shock curling down his spine, twisting through his veins like tendrils of frost creeping across a windowpane in winter. Cold, as his pulse skyrocketed, his body’s signals all crossed and confused and trying to circulate blood, not seeming to grasp the fact that his blood was seeping out onto the asphalt beneath him, that trying to circulate it faster was just making it worse. Cold, like he was a stupid kid at camp diving into a frigid lake before dawn, except above him was blue sky and a bright sun beating down and the fact that it was Los Angeles in May didn’t do a damn thing to help.

He couldn’t feel it. He could only feel the cold.

Buck, though—Buck, he felt. Buck’s hands burned, on his chest, his neck, his face, so warm that Eddie almost wanted to flinch away, but he didn’t. He was aware enough to realize that if Buck was warm, he was probably telling the truth when he said he wasn’t hurt. And that was good. That was all he needed to know.

The cold—

Eddie’s been through enough in his life to know that his subconscious works in weird ways. After Afghanistan he dreamed more directly of burning helicopters and gunfire, blood in his mouth and smoke on his tongue. Shadows and screams and guilt. After the well his dreams were of Christopher, Shannon, waves crashing on a beach. And Buck. Sunlight.

This time...this time Eddie dreams of drowning. Trapped beneath ice, his hands slamming against it, eventually forced to inhale—water flooding his mouth, his throat, his lungs—cold, cold, cold—

Sometimes after he wakes he’ll spend hours shivering. Phantom chills that won’t go away even when he wraps himself in blankets.

The therapist he’s mandated to see before he can be cleared for work tells him that the brain doesn’t always process trauma by taking the most direct path. Eddie doesn’t know why his has fixated on this. The cold. Maybe it’s just easiest. Because the shooting—

His chest gets tight when he’s walking in open air. Sweat breaks out across his brow when the sunlight glints off of windows. His pulse races.

He can’t breathe.

It feels a little like drowning.

“Do you feel safe?” Dr. Kingston asks one session. And Eddie thinks about freezing in a grocery store parking lot, gripping the edge of a cart to keep his hands from shaking, thinks about Buck curving a hand around his shoulder, solid and warm—

“Sometimes,” Eddie admits. “It depends.”

“Depends on what?”

He tastes the lie on his tongue before it slips out.

“I don’t know.”

When the world shut down and Eddie had to leave Christopher with his abuela so that he could keep working without worrying constantly that he was putting his son at risk, Buck’s was the obvious place to go. And Eddie doesn’t know if things would have been different if it had been just the two of them but Hen and Chim deciding it was also the obvious place for them to go meant there weren’t a lot of options for sleeping arrangements.

So Eddie shared the bed with Buck. And it didn’t matter if either of them wound up wrapped around the other, the lines of their bodies pressed close enough to bleed together. If they curled into one another like plants twisting to find the light.

It was...instinct. To seek comfort. Warmth. Touch. Both of them alone for so long, and just needing—

Needing.

They never talked about it—there wasn’t anything to talk about. If it made Eddie’s heart race, if it made him ache for something he hadn’t expected and didn’t wholly understand, if when he returned home alone again his own bed felt too empty, that was his own problem.

Now, though—

Now, he knows. Because he stood frozen on the street and stared at Buck with Carla’s words in his head—make sure you’re following your heart—and realized oh. It hadn’t just been convenience, it had been love. Need and desire and love.

Now, he knows, but doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge, with the awareness he has suddenly. Buck is living in his house, in his space, helping him with Christopher and with his own recovery, making sure he takes his meds and gets to his appointments and does his exercises. Buck is there all the time and it’s a blessing and a curse because Eddie burns whenever Buck touches him.

And Buck touches him. A lot.

He hadn’t at first, right after Eddie came home from the hospital—Eddie would catch him sometimes looking like he wanted to, but holding back, reaching out but stopping himself, and Eddie never asked why. Even now he doesn’t think he ever needed to—he knows what it’s like to be afraid, to be unsteady, adrift, worrying that touching something you expect to be solid will reveal it’s just an illusion. Not wanting to find out if it is.

But Buck touches him now. And sometimes Eddie will wake up to find that Buck’s migrated from the couch in the living room to a chair by his bed, folded in and fitfully asleep. Buck never says, but Eddie’s pretty sure it’s so Buck can reassure himself that Eddie’s still breathing.

Eddie understands that need too. Sometimes he isn’t sure himself.

The first time it happens after Buck’s relationship with Taylor has flamed out—for himself, he and Ana have been over since just after he left the hospital—Eddie finally just gets up.

“Buck.” He curves a hand around the side of Buck’s neck and passes his thumb along the edge of his jaw.

Buck startles awake, looking somehow guilty.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I? Sorry, I know it’s—I can go back to the—”

“Will you just come to bed?” Eddie interrupts before Buck successfully talks himself into leaving the room. “Please?”

Buck’s eyes flick down to his shoulder. He swallows hard.

“I don’t want to—”

Oh.

“You won’t hurt me,” Eddie promises. “Okay?”

Buck searches his face in the dark, but if he sees anything, he clearly doesn’t mind because he nods and gets up from the chair. When they both resettle on the mattress, Buck only pauses for a moment before curving around him like a parenthesis, his arm falling across Eddie’s waist.

Eddie’s breath catches.

“Is this—?”

Eddie closes his eyes and sinks into the embrace. If it feels just a little bit like cheating because he hasn't told Buck how he feels, that’s between him and god.

“It’s fine,” he assures, then adds to make it a little more fair, “you aren’t the only one who needs—you aren’t the only one.”

Buck relaxes at that, his grip tightening a little with newfound certainty.

When Eddie dreams, he doesn’t drown.

“You look good,” Dr. Kingston acknowledges two weeks later. “You’ve been sleeping better?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “I stopped having nightmares, so I haven’t been waking up as much.”

He catches the surprise that flickers across her face.

“They stopped completely?” She asks. “Have you been doing something different or—?”

Eddie shifts in his chair and clears his throat. What is he supposed to tell her? That he stopped having nightmares when he started sleeping with Buck every night? He’s not really ready to unpack that with his therapist—he’s barely ready to unpack it in his own head.

“Just lucky, I guess,” he says. Dr. Kingston puts down her pen and levels him with a long look that tells him she knows that’s bullshit and is trying to decide whether to push or let it go until another time.

She lets it go.

“Well,” she replies. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Eddie feels like he’s dodged another bullet.

Later, though, he wonders if he shouldn’t have said more. If he shouldn’t have asked questions. Because he goes to sleep and—

The water is pitch black and freezing. Eddie’s eyes sting, but it doesn’t matter whether he keeps them open or not—there’s nothing to see. He kicks his legs anyway, swims up, up, up, even though it hurts to make his limbs work when they’re so cold. There’s a faint light—the surface—and he kicks harder, desperate to reach—

Ice. Nothing but a sheet of ice, solid and thick. His lungs burn from lack of air, his palms beat against the ice—

He can’t keep moving. It’s too cold. He can’t—

“Eddie. Eddie.” Hands seize him from nowhere, almost too warm, and Eddie could have sworn the ice had no cracks, but he’s being lifted out—

“Eddie.”

He snaps awake, gasping. Buck’s face swims into view, worry painted across every line. His hands are on Eddie’s shoulders.

They’re so warm.

Eddie shivers.

“You were hyperventilating,” Buck says. “I thought—”

“Just a dream,” Eddie grits out, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. He still feels frozen. Stupid—it was a dream, it wasn’t real, so he shouldn’t—it shouldn’t be this difficult.

He shivers again.

Buck’s brow furrows deeper.

“You’re shaking—are you cold?”

Eddie sits up and scrubs his hands over his face. He swallows back the denial on his tongue, the urge to run away and hide in the bathroom until a scalding shower makes him feel somewhat human again. Maybe he can’t always be honest with his therapist, but he can be honest with Buck.

“Yes,” he admits. “But it’s not—it’s just in my head. When I got shot I—it’s hard to explain but, yes. I’m cold. Freezing. I don’t know how—”

He cuts off and Buck shifts on the mattress, reaches out slowly so Eddie has plenty of time to stop him if he doesn’t want to be touched, and finally wraps his arms around him, pulling Eddie firmly against his chest.

“I’ll keep you warm,” Buck says quietly. And Eddie—

Something in him cracks. Not like ice during a thaw, but resolve after too much time of being worn down, pressure applied in precisely the right spot. He’s raw and ragged and his scarred heart hardly feels like anything anyone should want, but he’s so tired of pretending he hasn’t been trying to press it into Buck’s hands for a year in different ways. He’s tired of not asking and being afraid and waiting. He’s tired—

Buck makes a soft sound of surprise when Eddie kisses him. But he doesn’t push him away. And Eddie can’t help himself from pressing closer, curling one hand into Buck’s shirt and the other around the back of his neck and kissing him again and again and again, feeling altogether too frantic. He’ll probably find it in himself to be embarrassed in the morning, but want and desperation have left very little room for shame at the moment.

Buck kisses him back. His hands drop to Eddie’s hips as Eddie does his best to climb into his lap.

“Eddie,” Buck pants between kisses. “Eddie—I—” His head falls back and Eddie takes the opportunity to continue his exploration down the exposed line of Buck’s neck.

“Should we talk about this?” Buck finally manages, even as his own hands flirt with the hem of Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie freezes. The answer, of course, is yes. But talking is the last thing he wants to do when part of him still feels chilled to the bone, not wholly alive. He wants to be touched, wants to be consumed, wants to fall into orbit around Buck’s sun and never leave.

And it’s late. Dark. The two of them, the bed, the very room caught in a liminal space where anything could happen, anything could be said, anything could be forgiven. Eddie can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a dangerous one.

His mouth drags along the edge of Buck’s jaw.

“This isn’t because I wanted someone and you happened to be here, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He doesn’t look at Buck’s face. It’s easier to not, to focus on something else. He stopped going to confession a long time ago, but he never had to look directly at his priest either, always some curtain or other barrier obscuring things, lending the illusion of privacy, anonymity.

“I’m in love with you,” he admits, and Buck’s hands flex on his hips. “I’ve been in love with you. So we can talk about this if you want, but—”

In an instant, Eddie’s on his back, the rest of his sentence swallowed up by the tongue sliding into his mouth. Buck is a warm, solid weight on top of him, pinning him, anchoring him, and Eddie finds he doesn’t mind when it forces him to be in the moment, reminds him that he’s fully in his own body.

“I love you, too,” Buck whispers when the kiss breaks, and then he’s pushing Eddie’s shirt up and off and dispensing with his own—

Shannon was his first. Eddie wasn’t hers and he remembers being glad that at least one of them had some idea of what to do because the second she touched him he was so overwhelmed by sensation that he could hardly think.

This is…not dissimilar. Buck’s chest presses flush against his, all warm, bare skin, and Eddie feels like he could drown in a different way. He arches up, seeking Buck’s mouth again, and Buck obliges.

Eddie’s focus narrows to certain points—the slick slide of Buck’s tongue against his, Buck’s hand ghosting along his ribs, the careful space between their hips and the low burn of heat in his gut that makes him want to close the gap—

His hands slide up Buck’s back slowly, his fingers tracing the knobs of Buck’s spine, the sharp edges of his shoulder blades—they dance along the line of his shoulders too, sketching the breadth that he’s noticed but never allowed his thoughts to linger on. His touch is careful, reverent, as if Buck is a holy thing that his stained, sinner hands have no business touching. Perhaps, in a sense that’s true.

He’s never been a very good Catholic, but sex—sex, desire, love—sex has always been something…sacred to him. In high school, he shied away from the locker room-style conversations about who went how far with whom, kept out of any discussion involving lamentations about still being a virgin at graduation. For one thing, he thought they were usually crass and disrespectful. But mainly he just—he didn’t care about waiting until marriage or anything like that, but he always knew he wanted to be in love. Hence, Shannon. And why there hadn’t been anyone after her.

Until now.

Eddie kisses Buck until his lungs ache, but he’s not close enough, feels like he can’t get close enough. One of his hands slides into Buck’s hair, but the other trails back down, presses lightly on Buck’s lower back as his own hips rock up, seeking friction. Buck swears against his lips and closes the distance—Eddie can feel him hard in his sweatpants and flushes, dizzy at the thought of having made that happen, dizzy at the thought of more, dizzy—

He feels very much like a clumsy teenager again, fumbling his way through on instinct. At least this sort of thing is familiar, even if he hasn’t done it with a man before. Buck grinds their hips together, the friction sending sparks through every one of Eddie’s nerve endings, and kisses down his neck, teeth scraping over his pulse point. Eddie gasps and Buck hums, low and pleased, against his skin.

And then, just as he thinks he’s used to the slow burn of pleasure, Buck shifts his weight and slides a hand down to toy with Eddie’s waistband. Buck meets his eyes in the dark and swallows hard.

“Can I—?”

This time, when Eddie shivers it has nothing to do with the cold.

“Please,” he rasps, and Buck smiles before tugging Eddie’s pants down just enough to wrap his hand around Eddie’s cock.

Buck’s touch is a little tentative at first, clearly unused to the angle, and the part of Eddie that’s still capable of noticing that spends a brief moment feeling grateful that he’s not the only one lacking in experience here. But what Buck may lack in experience, he makes up for in enthusiasm, experimenting with grip and speed and pressure to figure out exactly what to do to make Eddie gasp again, to make him bite his lip, to make him hide his face in Buck’s shoulder to muffle any louder noises he can’t quite hold back.

It doesn’t take long. Even before the shooting, Eddie rarely bothered to touch himself with any sort of regularity, and during his recovery he had even less of a reason to do so, what little energy he had in the first few months better spent elsewhere. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed it. But clearly his body did because his orgasm hits him like a train when Buck spits into his hand for extra glide and twists his wrist on the upstroke. He bites Buck’s shoulder and Buck’s hips jerk and then he’s just floating—boneless, breathless, and utterly wrecked in the best possible way.

Buck collapses on the mattress next to him as Eddie’s catching his breath—Eddie reaches out, his hand skating over Buck’s stomach, and makes a questioning noise. Buck laughs quietly and catches his hand, bringing it to his lips.

“I, uh—I’m good,” Buck promises, and even in the dark Eddie can see his cheeks flush.

Eddie curls into his side. “Really?”

Buck kisses him. “I don’t think you realize how long I’ve wanted to do that. Or how good you look. So, yes, I already—yes. Really.”

Eddie’s lips curve up. He presses a kiss to the edge of Buck’s jaw. As the immediate aftermath wears off, his eyelids start to grow heavy, his limbs moving a little less easily.

“We should probably shower,” he acknowledges, although the strength of the statement is likely diminished by the yawn that interrupts him halfway through.

“Probably,” Buck agrees, but he too makes no move to actually get up.

Pressed against him as he is, Eddie is warm and sated and content. He drifts, skirting the edge of sleep.

“I love you,” he says again. Because it feels important.

Buck hums. If he says something else, it’s too low for Eddie to catch.

When he dreams again, he doesn’t dream of drowning. He doesn’t dream of the cold.

Instead, there’s just light. Just warmth.

Just Buck.

#chapel writes #buddie #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fic

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lunasquared · 2 years

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let me love you

By @lunasquared for @megslovesbooks

Rating: Teen and Up

Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Characters: Evan “Buck” Buckley, Eddie Diaz

Summary: “Why won’t you just let me love you?”

“Because maybe I don’t deserve to be loved.”

Somedays Buck likes to be comforted and somedays he doesn’t, and Eddie refuses to let him go home upset.

Read on AO3

Story Below The Cut

Working with Buck was something else entirely Eddie decided. Maybe it was the fact that Buck was always being Buck. Or maybe it was the fact that Eddie was so in love with his best friend it wasn’t even funny. But regardless it made working with Buck something else entirely but something else that he absolutely enjoyed with all his heart.

The thing about Buck being Buck though was the words that came with it. Specifically the words from Buck himself. It wasn’t hard to understand where the words stemmed from, especially with the newly learned information of Daniel, but knowing that didn’t make the pain in Eddie's heart any less when Buck said them. And anytime Buck did say something self-deprecating all it made Eddie want to do was pull him into a hug and tell Buck over and over how much he loved him. But Eddie couldn’t do that, not in the way he wanted. Not in the way that would reveal his feelings for Buck because there was no possible way that Buck would ever feel the same about Eddie. Eddie could hope and dream but it wouldn’t happen and that was a fact that Eddie had come to terms with. But Eddie's feelings for Buck didn’t stop him from trying to show Buck he cared.

“God I’m such an idiot.” Buck groaned, knocking his head against his locker.

“No you’re not.” Eddie was quick to assure. “But what’s up?”

“I forgot my phone charger and now my phone is dead.” Buck explained turning around so his back was now towards the locker. “And it’s right on the counter too. I’m an idiot.”

“Buck, you're not an idiot. It’s normal to forget things sometimes. Here,” Eddie said, reaching into his locker pulling out a charger and handing it to Buck. “You can use mine.”

“Thanks.” Buck said, giving Eddie a soft smile. “I’ll make sure I get it back to you.”

“You’re welcome, I know you will.” Eddie responded with an equally soft smile as he watched Buck walk out of the locker room.

And while he thought his feelings for Buck weren’t obvious, Eddie honestly thought he was doing a good job of hiding them but based on the raised eyebrow look he was getting from Hen and Chimney he wasn’t so sure.

“What?” Eddie asked, shooting a look in their direction. Not mean in any way, playful almost, but still serious enough for the moment.

“Nothing.” Hen and Chimney said at the same time with a shrug of their shoulders.

Eddie only shook his head and made his way up to the loft. And if that’s where Buck had gone as well then that definitely wasn’t the reason Eddie had gone up.

***

It was a hard call and it was easy enough to tell it had affected everyone. The team had been called out to what had seemed like a normal car accident aside from being a little ways up a mountain. And it was fine. Everything was going fine until part of the mountain edge was breaking away and the car, that they had been having trouble opening the doors and getting the passengers, a brother and sister, out, was teetering on the edge.

It was fine until it wasn’t. Buck and Eddie had harnessed up to get the people out while Bobby and Chimney worked to secure the vehicle. And it would have been fine but they didn’t even get that far before more of the mountainside had given way and the car was plummeting to the bottom.

Calls like that were hard because there was always so much to think about after. So much time to think of what went wrong, what could’ve been done differently, how could they have saved them. It was hard for the whole team but Eddie couldn’t help but notice how quiet Buck was. Quieter than normal after a call went south. Buck was sitting across from Eddie, his arms laying limply in his lap and staring blankly out the window. He didn’t even respond or acknowledge when Eddie had bumped his knees against Bucks.

When they got back to the station everyone filed out of the truck making their way to the locker rooms, well everyone except Buck and therefore Eddie.

“Hey.” Eddie said softly, leaning a little closer to Buck to rest his hand on Buck’s knee. “I know are you okay is a dumb question, but what do you need?”

Buck didn’t respond, he only kept staring out the window.

“Buck.” Eddies tried again, and when Buck didn’t respond Eddie tried again. “Evan.”

This time Buck turned to look at Eddie, his expression seemingly blank but Eddie knew better than to believe that. He could see the emotions running through Bucks eyes, the thoughts running miles a minute in Bucks head. It was hard to see but Eddie knew what to look for.

“What’s going through your head?” Eddie asked.

“If I had just worked faster the first time we got to the car or- or brought the jaws with me that time then-“

“You couldn’t have known. None of us could.”

“But if I-“

Eddie cut Buck off again not wanting Buck's thoughts to spiral any further. “But if you had done any of those things you would’ve been out there when the ground gave way.” Buck opened his mouth to counter but Eddie kept going. “I’m not saying ‘better them than you’, that is not what I’m saying at all. But what I am saying is that if you were on that ground when it gave way you wouldn’t have even had a chance to try and save them because you would’ve gone down with the rest of that cliff.”

Buck nodded but Eddie could tell Buck didn’t believe him. The two of them continued to sit in the truck in silence for a bit. Eddie didn’t want Buck to be alone and Buck hadn’t asked him to leave so he could only assume Buck was okay with him staying.

After a few minutes Eddie could hear quiet sniffles coming from Buck and didn’t hesitate pulling the younger man into a tight hug.

“I got you.” Eddie whispered, slightly ignoring the way Buck nuzzled closer after Eddie had pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “Just let it out.”

And Buck did, he sobbed while Eddie held him choking out something about him and Maddie. It was hard to tell what exactly Buck was saying, but that didn’t matter much to Eddie. Eddie knew Buck was hurting so he was going to be there for him no matter what. So Eddie held Buck close as he cried, whispering reassurances while lightly rocking them back and forth.

***

Buck wasn’t one to always accept comfort Eddie had noticed. There were times that he would, like the call on the mountain side a few days prior, then there were days like today when Buck would immediately shut down at any sign of comfort. Lately more often than not, this was what would happen and Eddie couldn’t stand it. He wanted to be able to help but he wasn’t able to if Buck shut down.

Days like today were the most excruciating though because from the time Buck had shut down till the end of their shift they didn’t have any calls. Not that Eddie was complaining about that, but typically a call was quick to jump start Buck and then he wouldn’t be as shut down or be willing to open up for the rest of the day, but today that was not the case. Buck somehow managed to avoid everyone. Anytime Eddie would try to get close to talk to him Buck would walk away and that was frustrating.

He had tried giving Buck space for a few hours, he really did try, but as they were walking out of the station at the end of their shift Eddie knew he couldn’t let Buck go home like this.

“Buck, come on.” Eddie said, trying to catch Buck’s attention as he walked out of the station.

When Buck didn’t respond Eddie ran to catch up with him and lightly grabbed the other man's arm to stop him.

“Please just leave me alone.” Buck sighed, shaking Eddie’s hand off of him.

“Buck please.” Eddie tried again, not letting himself reach out to touch Buck even if he wanted to. “I can’t let you go home like this.”

“Why not?” Buck asked, rolling his eyes as he turned to face Eddie. “Why would it matter to you?”

“Because I care about you Buck, you’re my best friend”

Best friend. Eddie wished it was more and maybe this wasn’t the time to even think of that, but he wished he was saying something else.

“Yeah well that’s not your job.”

“Then who’s is it, Buck?” Eddie pleaded. “Because you aren’t doing it yourself.”

Buck shrugged and started walking away. “So what?”

“Why won’t you just let me love you?” Eddie begged and maybe that was stupid to say. Maybe it was stupid to say how he felt. Maybe he was crossing some line, right now it didn’t matter.

Buck stopped in his tracks and balled his fists up at his side and Eddie could see him pull in a deep breath. “Because maybe I don’t deserve to be loved.”

Eddie froze for only a moment before surging forward to turn Buck so the other was facing him. “That is not true. I don’t know who told you that or who gave you that idea, but they are wrong.”

“But-”

“There are no ‘buts’ here. I love you, Christopher loves you, Hen, Chim, Bobby, Maddie, everyone in that damn station loves you, and you deserve to be loved whether your brain says you do you not. I’m telling you that you deserve every bit of love.”

“Why should I believe that?” Buck asked, his voice breaking as he did so.

“Because it’s me Buck.” Eddie said softly, reaching up to cup Buck’s cheek with his hand. “Because I’m telling you that you deserve to be loved and that should have more weight than whatever your brain is telling you. I’m not trying to invalidate what you’re feeling, but please can you think about it, about why you should believe it?”

Buck dropped his head to Eddie’s shoulder and took in a shaky breath and nodded. “Do you love me, love me?”

Eddie nodded. He knew the implication of the words, he knew Buck meant did he love him more than friends. “I love you, love you, Buck, more than you know.”

“I love you, love you too.” Buck whispered and Eddie smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Buck’s temple.

“We can talk about that later then.” Eddie said, giving Buck a final squeeze before pulling back, making sure to keep his hand intertwined with Buck’s. “Come on.”

Eddie tugged Buck with him as he walked towards his car.

“Where are we going?” Buck questioned.

“We’re going to pick-up Chinese take out, then watch Pixar movies with my kid, then we can talk about it.”

“Okay.” Buck said, giving Eddie’s hand one last squeeze before getting into the passenger's side of Eddie’s car. “I love you, love you. And thank you.”

“Always.” Eddie said, reaching over to take Buck’s hand into his own. “And I love you, love you too.”

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #evan buckley/eddie diaz #buddie #9-1-1 #fluff #angst #angst with a happy ending

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thisissirius · 3 years

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for @capseycartwright who CONSTANTLY screams about fic with me and is my pillar of support in the trying times of europe timezones and watching the episodes.

nothing left to lose but everything i have [ao3 link] eddie/buck, buck begins spoilers, buck emotions and best friend feels.

If that’s how you feel, you have every right to say something.

Sometimes, Eddie needs to take his own advice.

Watching Buck’s anger, the casual way he said hit things like neither of them had a personal reminder of why that was a bad idea, it hurt. Buck was suffering in ways he refused to talk about, ways that Eddie couldn’t understand.

“You can talk to me,” he says, to what might as well be a brick wall.

“You can come over,” though he knows Buck won’t.

“I don’t want to see you hurting,” that he only ever says when he’s alone.

Then.

“Defective parts,” and Eddie feels adrift, unable to parse Buck with the idea that he’s only ever been spare parts.

“That’s not on you,” Eddie says, because how could Buck think—

When Buck says, “I doubt they would agree,” Eddie wants to scream. Or find the Buckleys and tell them—

Buck’s everything.

______

Later, when Buck’s on his way to the hospital, Eddie stays behind.

He’s there when the Buckleys show up and he doesn’t know what he’s expecting, but for them to be so kind and polite is not it. Eddie leans against the balcony as they listen to kind words about Buck from those filtering through. Chim, Hen, a couple of other guys. Eddie stays silent from most of it, avoiding the looks Chim and Hen throw him.

When he thinks about just walking away—he refuses to talk to them as if everything’s normal—Margaret turns to him. “Do you—”

“Margaret,” Chim starts, because he knows.

“I know Buck,” Eddie says casually. “Better than anyone else in this room.”

Margaret looks taken aback, and Philip opens his mouth, but Eddie doesn’t let him get a word out.

“I’m his best friend,” Eddie continues, pushing himself up. He’s not an overly tall guy, but he knows he can look intimidating when he wants to. He doesn’t want to, he just needs them to understand. “I almost watched him die today.”

“What,” Margaret starts, pressing a hand to her mouth.

Philip looks shocked. “What happened?”

“A fire,” Eddie says calmly.

“He’s okay,” Chim says quickly, throwing Eddie a dark look.

“Yeah, he is,” Eddie agrees.

Chim shakes his head. “So why bring it up?”

“Do you think they care?” Eddie asks. There’s a silence in the room he hates. “If they cared, they’d have been here after the fire truck. After the blood clots, or the tsunami.”

“You have no idea,” Margaret starts.

“What it’s like to lose a kid?” Eddie sees the way they close down, offended, and he sighs. “No, you’re right, I don’t. But I did abandon my kid. I went to war and was treated like a hero for abandoning my kid. But you know what? I fixed it. He was six, and I fixed it. I came home and I loved him and I still love him. You can tell me you love Buck,” he continues, when Philip opens his mouth, “but if Buck doesn’t feel it? I don’t give a shit, and he’s never talked about you beyond a sentence or two.”

Hen stands. “Eddie.”

“No, Hen,” he says, and wonders why he’s not angrier about this. He’s just exhausted for Buck, wonders how he’s come out the way he has with parents like this. “I’ve listened to everything he’s screamed at me,” he continues, addressing Margaret and Philip once again. “He doesn’t tell me, but I can see it anyway. And right now? He thinks he’s defective parts.” Again, a flinch. “Buck deserves so much better than you’ve given him.”

“We lost a son,” Margaret says, and Eddie hates the pain in her voice. He can remember too clearly Buck standing in front of him, that split second he thought he’d lost Chris for good.

Eddie nods. “You did. But you had another son. Buck, who I’m grateful for every day, who probably wouldn’t be here if you’d been decent parents, but I can’t even thank you for that. Because you hurt Buck, time and again. Made him think he wasn’t good enough, and I can tell you from personal experience that it sucks.”

Silence.

“I love him,” Eddie says, and doesn’t care what they infer from that. “My son loves him. He’s a good parent,” he adds, because it’ll hurt and some vicious part of him wants it to. “I think he learned it from Maddie.”

______

Downstairs, Eddie takes a moment. Cap’s on his way back with Buck and he needs to get his shit together because Buck needs him to.

Knuckles rap on the doorframe and Eddie sighs. “I’m not sorry.”

Hen makes a noise in the back of her throat. “I didn’t expect you would be.”

They lapse into a calm silence, and Eddie breathes out, in, out. “They needed to hear it.”

“Perhaps.” Hen crosses the room, standing in front of him, but Eddie doesn’t look at her. “You’re hurting.”

"Buck needs me to be strong," Eddie says, staring down at his hands and ignoring the implication.

Hen sits opposite him, resting a hand on his knee. Eddie looks up, meets her eyes. "Who's strong for you?"

Eddie opens his mouth, closes it.

"Eddie, you're allowed help, too."

"I know," Eddie says, because he does. "I don't wanna put that on anyone."

Hen nods, and he's grateful she gets it. "I'll take it." Eddie shakes his head, but Hen's hand squeezes his leg gently. "Eddie, I'm not asking."

Eddie doesn't know what to say, feels the burning in his eyes. "Thanks, Hen."

_______

“I know you did,” Eddie says, and means I love you.

Watching Buck walk away, knowing the things he’ll probably hear—

“They’re hearing more stories,” Hen assured him.

Eddie doubts that’ll distract from the things he said. Cap tells him to go home. Chim doesn’t seem to know what to say to him. Hen watches him. Eddie waits. He needs Buck to know he’s not gonna just walk out when shit’s going down in his life.

“Eddie,” Buck says, coming down the stairs. “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah.” Eddie feels his stomach swoop, and he leads them out onto the main drive. “Buck, I—”

Buck presses a hand to Eddie’s chest and Eddie’s mouth shuts so abruptly he almost bites his tongue. There’s a quiet devastation to Buck that hurts like a knife through Eddie’s chest. “Chim just said—Maddie—I need to go and see Maddie.”

It’s not what Eddie’s expecting. “Okay.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, and he looks confused, hurt. Eddie reaches up, curls his fingers around Buck’s wrist. “She let Doug—”

“Come over later,” Eddie says quietly, before he can change his mind. “After you speak to Maddie?”

Buck hesitates. “Yeah?”

“Please,” Eddie says, and hates himself for begging. He doesn’t know how to continue, but he can see Buck needs him to. Maybe parts of him are still unsure, but Eddie thinks it’s the confusion, complete life-changing information he’s had thrown at him. “Chris will wanna see you.”

“And you?” Buck asks tentatively.

Eddie nods, decides to be honest. “Always.”

_____

Time stretches.

Eddie doesn’t remember much of what happens between leaving the station and the key in his door. Chris is getting ready for bed, excited for Buck to come over, and Eddie closes his eyes, tries to dig for the strength he needs.

Call me whenever you need, Hen texts, just after dinner.

Buck’s not the only person who’s found family in LA.

“Hey,” Buck says quietly. “Is Chris—”

“Just getting ready for bed,” Eddie assures him. “Are you okay?”

Buck opens his mouth to answer.

“Buck,” Chris says, over whatever Buck might reveal. “You came!”

Everything about Buck changes. It’s not a front; Eddie knows Buck well enough to see. The love shining out of every part of Buck, the way he’ll always get on Christopher’s level, the affection in his expression and voice when he says, “of course I did. I always keep my promises.”

Chris comes over for a goodnight hug and kiss, and then he and Buck disappear down the hall. Eddie concentrates on breathing in and out, doesn’t know why he feels so untethered when it’s Buck’s life on a spiral. Again, time slips away from him, and he startles when a hand touches his face.

“Hey,” Buck says.

“Sorry,” Eddie says quickly, sitting up. “You shouldn’t have to—”

“I can’t handle this,” Buck says, talking quickly, “if you treat me like I’m gonna break.”

Eddie shakes his head. “I don’t think that. Buck, you’re the strongest person I know.”

Buck doesn’t seem to know what to say. He moves around Eddie’s legs, dropping onto the couch next to him. He rubs his hands on his jeans, and Eddie reaches over, takes the one closest to him and squeezes. Buck nods to himself. “I forgave them.”

“Okay,” Eddie says quietly, waiting to follow Buck’s lead.

“I thought it would be harder,” Buck continues. He smiles, but there’s nothing funny about it. “But you know why it wasn’t?”

This one Eddie does know. “You don’t care enough for it to matter.”

Buck nods, swallowing, and dragging Eddie’s hand closer, holding it against his stomach. Eddie’s glad he can be whatever Buck needs him to be. “Yeah. You always understand me. Apparently my parents know that too.”

Eddie refuses to be ashamed about it. “I hate that they’re so—they think their grief entitles them to treat you the way they have and it doesn’t.”

“Eddie—”

“I wish you’d had better,” Eddie admits carefully, meeting Buck’s eyes. “You deserve better.”

There’s a shine to Buck’s eyes, and he squeezes Eddie’s hand. “I don’t want to see them again.”

Good. “Okay.”

“I need you to—keep me straight on it, okay, because I might cave because I always you do.”

“No, you don’t,” Eddie says, shifting so that he can look at Buck properly. He leans in a little, needs Buck to understand. “You wanted to be loved, Buck, but you don’t need them for that. You have me. Us,” he amends, not because he’s ashamed, because he needs Buck to know there’s more than just Eddie for him. “All of us.”

“I know,” Buck whispers, and there’s truth in his words, his expression.

“You can do this.” Eddie nods. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Buck uses his free hand to pull out his phone, seemingly reluctant to let go of Eddie’s had. “Can you,” he says, “delete their numbers for me?”

Eddie would do anything for Buck, and Buck knows it. This, though, he won’t do. “No,” he says, but holds tightly to Buck in case he tries to pull away. “I would do anything,” he continues, catching Buck’s gaze and holding it, “but this you need to do for yourself. I can forget them about as easily as I’ve known them, but this is yours to let go of.”

“You’ll be there?”

“Whenever you need me to be.” Eddie sees Buck’s finger hover over his phone. “It doesn’t have to be now.”

“I want it to be,” Buck says honestly, looking up. “I want to do it now, with you. Like this.”

“Alright,” Eddie allows. He watches, rubbing a thumb over Buck’s hand as Buck deletes them from his phone contacts, from his emails. He even sends a text to Maddie to let her know what he’s done. Buck puts the phone face down on the arm of the couch and Eddie says, “I’m proud of you.”

Buck sounds wrecked when he says, “Eddie.”

Eddie waits.

“I think I need a hug.”

“I said whatever you need,” Eddie says, “and I meant it.”

Buck hesitates a fraction of a second and then all but falls into Eddie. Eddie wraps his arms around Buck, tucks Buck’s head under his chin and waits for the flood. It comes slowly; a steady trembling of Buck’s body, a hand fisting into his shirt, a sob, and then tears.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie whispers gently. He brushes a kiss to the top of Buck’s head. “I’ve got you.”

______

Eddie doesn’t want to let go.

Buck doesn’t want him to let go.

Eddie shifts until they’re stretched out on the couch, Buck against the back, Eddie on the edge, still curled around him. They need to invest in a new couch if they’re going to keep doing this, but for now, Eddie wraps around Buck and whispers, “I’ve got you,” once more into his hair.

“I know,” Buck says gently. “You always have, Eddie.”

“Just like you’ve always got me.” Eddie knows what a gift that is, to be loved by Buck. Someone who’s had precious little love in his life. Except Maddie. Eddie whispers a private thanks for Maddie in the back of his head. Running his fingers through Buck’s hair, he swipes a thumb over Buck’s cheek, wiping away stray tears.

Buck nods, sliding a hand up Eddie’s waist, forehead pressing into the crook of Eddie’s neck. “I don’t know where to go from here.”

Eddie doesn’t either. “We’ll find out together.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks, because they both know where they’re headed, but it feels too new to break with definitions or certainties.

Leaning in, ghosting a kiss over Buck’s lips, his cheek, Eddie nods. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” Buck says, and he reaches up, fingers warm against Eddie’s neck. “Together.”

#buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fic #otp: i forgive you #911 spoilers #fic by me #i'm not over it #hahaha it's here #oop

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athenagrantnash · 3 years

Text

Since we are officially on 9-1-1 hiatus, here’s the Buddie proposal scene from my fanfic to pass the time with - a gift from me to you:

-------------------------------------

“Hey Chris, can I ask you a very important question?” Buck asked, leaning in conspiratorially as they sat playing legos together.

“Sure, what is it, Buck?” Christopher asked.

Buck leaned back on his heels, checking to make sure Eddie wasn’t about to come back in the room, before pulling a small velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to Christopher. Christopher opened it. “A ring?” he asked.

Buck picked up the plain golden ring, weighing it gently in his palm. “You know how much I love your dad, right Chris?”

“Yes.”

“And you know how much I love you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I want to ask your dad if the three of us can all be a family together.” He grinned, even thinking about it made his heart soar. “I want to marry your dad, but I need your permission first.”

A huge grin crossed Christopher’s face before he wrinkled his nose slightly. “Well, if I say yes do I get to pick the cake?” His eyes were sparkling, and Buck just knew he was barely holding back a laugh.

“Buddy, if you say yes you can pick out the entire wedding,” he laughed.

“Promise?”

Christopher would definitely hold the promise over him. Buck knew it. But he was too happy and in love to care. “I promise,” he laughed.

“Popcorn’s coming!” Eddie called.

Buck jumped and slid the ring back in its box before hiding it in his pocket. “Don’t tell him,” he whispered to Chris just as Eddie walked into the room, a giant bowl filled with popcorn in one hand and two beers in the other.

“Yay!” Christopher squealed happily. “I get to hold the bowl!”

As the three of them re-situated themselves on the couch, Buck shot an affectionate glance at Eddie, his heart filled with love. Eddie said something that made Chris laugh, and Buck swore he could feel his heart bursting. The ring box in his pocket was a comfortable reminder of his personal commitment to this precious family, and he couldn’t wait to ask Eddie to make it official.

---

Buck took a nervous breath as he sat waiting for Eddie. It was almost a month since he had gotten Christopher’s blessing, and today was going to be the day. When Eddie had suggested a special anniversary dinner, he knew it would be the perfect time to pop the question.

That didn’t make him any less nervous.

His heart jumped in his throat when Eddie walked in. Maybe it was the importance of the occasion, but he was pretty sure Eddie had never looked more attractive than he did tonight.

“Over here!” He called, waving Eddie down.

Eddie waved back, making his way over. “Sorry I’m late,” he said, leaning over to kiss Buck. Buck closed his eyes, savoring the kiss.

It was a really good kiss and did absolutely nothing to calm his nerves.

“I got stuck in traffic,” Eddie explained.

Buck grinned. “Well if being late leads to kisses like that, I would like you to be late all the time!”

Eddie laughed and took a seat. “I can’t believe we’ve been together for a year,” he said. “But here we are!”

“Yeah,” Buck agreed, suddenly needing to take a sip of water. He was so nervous his hands were shaking. “But it’s been the best year of my life,” he added.

It was now or never; if he waited any longer he was going to be too nervous to ask. He got up from his chair and walked over to get down on one knee next to Eddie. He heard a thrilled gasp from the table just beside them.

“I used to be a much lesser man than I am today,” he said, speaking quickly. He needed to get the words out as fast as possible. “I know I’ve made mistakes, but your friendship and love have helped me to be the best person I am capable of being, and I want to keep growing with you and beside you for the rest of our lives.”

He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out the little velvet box, opening it to reveal the ring. “Will you marry me?”

Now that he’d gotten the words out his throat felt dry. Each second seemed to last an eternity as he waited for Eddie to answer.

He didn’t expect him to laugh.

He felt his face grow red as he got to his feet again. Did Eddie not think he was being serious? “I… I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he backed away, wanting nothing more than to melt into the floorboards and vanish. “I didn’t think…”

Eddie leaped to his feet, his face serious, and grabbed both of Buck’s hands in his. “No, don’t,” he interrupted. “I wasn’t laughing at…” he looked down slightly. “I wasn’t actually stuck in traffic,” he admitted.

“What?” Buck frowned. What did that have to do with anything?

Eddie shrugged and gestured at one of the wait staff. The man vanished into the back room, returning a moment later with two champagne glasses on a tray. “I laughed because… you beat me to it.”

Buck glanced over at the glass the waiter placed where he had been sitting just moments before, and his mouth gaped open when he saw a ring glistening at the bottom of the glass. He turned back towards Eddie, feeling tears come to his eyes.

Eddie, still holding Buck’s hand with one of his, reached out and picked up the glass. “Buck, you are the one person I can always depend on to be there for me, and for Chris,” he said. Buck’s heart was pounding in his chest. He could hardly believe this was happening.

“When Shannon died you were the one who was there for me, Eddie continued. “When that tsunami hit, you risked your life, again and again, to keep Christopher safe. My family could never be complete without you.”

Eddie handed Buck the glass, and Buck kept gaping at the ring shimmering at the bottom of it. “Would you do me the honor of making my little family whole for the rest of our lives?”

Buck had never been happier in his entire life. “I asked you first,” he grinned, although his voice was wet with tears. “I deserve an answer first.”

Eddie laughed. “I’ll say yes if you say yes.”

“Well then, yes,” Buck laughed. “Forever and ever, yes!”

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buddie fanfic #911 #911 fox #911 on fox #911 fanfic #to all y'all sending me asks saying I don't ship buddie... i literally wrote and published this weeks ago #I feel I should warn you tho... the fanfic itself is an angst fest #there are bits of fluff throughout like this scene #but it’s basically an extremely painful angst fest full of death and betrayal and uncertainty and tears #although they all come together as a family in the end

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

Photo

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: General Summary: “I’ve recently found myself with a lot of time on my hands and since you don’t seem to have enough to romance someone,” Buck began, settling his drink on the table, “I think it only makes sense for someone to romance you.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh and shot back, “Yeah, and how are you going to find someone willing to put in that effort?”

“Oh, you’re lookin’ at him.”

Or… Eddie gets the romance he deserves in the form of fluff-filled dates with Buck.

For @911fluffweek - day six: “But you love me anyway” // In your lap

(read chapter six on ao3 or start from the beginning)

Eddie found himself to be just as nervous standing on the step to Maddie’s home as he had been those few months ago. Back then, he was terrified of meeting his team’s families and having to somehow keep himself at arm’s length. He glanced over at where Buck gripped his hand tightly and realized just how badly he had failed at that task.

“You know, you have to knock on the door, Eds,” Buck said, furrowing his eyebrows in equal parts confusion and concern.

“Deja vu,” Eddie muttered, raising his hand to do just that. Before he could, the door flung open and Maddie stood before them, a wide grin on her face.

“Little brother!” She shouted and Buck rolled his eyes at the name before wrapping his arms around his sister’s waist and hugging her tightly. Eddie loved the way Buck hugged. He always put his entire body into it, rocking from side to side with his arms enveloping every inch he could. He loved watching Buck hug others and the way their smiles lit up their faces almost as much as he enjoyed being on the receiving end of one of his embraces.

“Hey, Mads,” he muttered, kissing her hair as he pulled back. “Where’s my favorite goddaughter?” He asked excitedly. Before Eddie could even so much as say hello, he was already making his way into the living room and picking Jee-Yun out of her pack-and-play to blow raspberries into her neck.

“Has he always been like that?” Eddie asked, giving Maddie a one-armed hug and holding up the bottle of wine he had to insist Buck pick up. He never went to a home empty-handed and Buck never felt like a guest anywhere, so it was a miracle Eddie had convinced him to grab it in the first place.

“He loves kids. Babies, toddlers, eight-year-olds with cute dads,” Maddie teased, winking at Eddie when he tried to stifle a laugh. “Even when we were teenagers, he was always looking after younger kids. Saving them from bullies, playing with them when they had no friends, sitting with them at family gatherings. It’s probably cause he’s such a kid at heart,” Maddie said, watching her brother fondly as he set Jee-Yun back down and walked over.

He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist before he said, “She’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen, Maddie. Are you sure she’s yours and Chimney’s?” Maddie smacked him with the towel she had over her shoulder and rolled her eyes.

“Here I was telling your boyfriend all about how great you are with kids, alluding to what a great dad you’ll be someday,” she said pointedly causing both of them to go wide-eyed, “and you insult me. Little brothers are always so ungrateful.”

“I’ll be sure to tell Christopher that,” Eddie chuckled. He froze when he realized what he had said and had never been more grateful for a doorbell in his life.

The rest of the team and their families arrived over the next few minutes and all of Eddie’s nerves washed away just like they had the first time. He was comfortable around his team, around the people he trusted every day with his life, and with much more than that if he was honest with himself. More importantly, Buck was a calming weight beside him that reminded him he wasn’t alone.

“Howie and I thought it would be fun to do our little version of The Newlywed Game,” Maddie said once everyone had their drink of choice in hand. “So, everyone have a seat…” She gestured around, frowning at what Eddie assumed was the shortage of chairs.

“I counted out before—”

“You forgot to include yourself, didn’t you?” Maddie guessed and Chim didn’t say she was wrong. Eddie shrugged and stood behind the comfortable recliner Buck had planted himself in, reaching around to rest his hands on Buck’s shoulders and massaging gently.

“Hey, that’s okay,” Eddie said quickly, not wanting to be the person that inconvenienced the rest of the party. “I’m totally good with standing and I’ll kick his lazy ass out of the chair if he gets too annoying,” Eddie added when Maddie stared worriedly in his direction. Eddie winked at her as Buck gasped dramatically, tugging on one of Eddie’s hands.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Buck challenged and Eddie wouldn’t admit he was right. “Besides, this chair is absolutely big enough to support the two of us, even if you’ve been eating extra bites of the desserts Christopher and I make when we’re not looking,” Buck accused.

“No, seriously, Buck, it’s—” He was already tumbling onto Buck’s lap before he could finish his sentence.

It was awkward at first as his hands flew out to try and grab onto the back of the chair and the armrest when he felt himself start falling. Eddie wasn’t a small guy, by any account. He was just under 200 pounds of muscle from years in the military and kept up with his physique with most mornings spent in the gym or hauling around 60 pounds of gear each day. Suddenly, though, he felt so small.

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and rested his chin comfortably in the crook between Eddie’s neck and shoulder. He let his legs fall open so that Eddie could slot between them and Eddie let himself form to Buck’s warm body. He leaned into Buck’s touch, resting his own arms on the ones secured around him, and ignored the incredibly pointed gazes of his team.

Chim tossed his hands up in the air and defeatedly said, “Oh, they’re totally going to win.”

He wasn’t wrong, but Eddie attributed that to the fact that out of all of the couples around them, they were the newest. Hen and Karen had been together the longest out of all of the couples, working on ten years of marriage by the time Eddie joined the team. Bobby and Athena had six years under their belt and were just as ‘disgustingly in love’ as the day they met—Chim’s words, not his. He didn’t have much room to talk, though, because he and Maddie were almost at three years and it would take a crowbar to pry them apart when they were together.

About an hour into the game, Hen made it clear that one of the happy couples would meet their bitter end while Maddie became increasingly more annoyed that Eddie seemed to know more about her brother than she did.

“Why would you possibly know when Eddie and I had our first kiss?” Buck seethed as Maddie rolled her eyes in frustration. “You didn’t even know when you and your husband had your first kiss!” It was the wrong thing to say and they both knew it as Buck hid his face behind Eddie’s neck.

Maddie didn’t care as she yelled, “He’s the one who didn’t know! I was right and I know it!” She grabbed a handful of popcorn from the neatly plated platter in between them and tossed it at Buck, effectively only coating Eddie in the snack. He held his hands up in defense just as Chim did.

“Hey, I was in a hospital bed and I thought we had kissed then. I was on a lot of pain medication, Maddie, you can’t blame me for that!”

“And you can’t throw food at me because your brother is a coward!” Eddie shot back, wriggling in Buck’s lap when he poked his fingers into Eddie’s sides in retaliation.

“Can someone read the next question, please?” Bobby said in that commanding tone that had all of them muffling their laughter and ongoing arguments.

“Alright, Bobby and Athena are up,” Chim said, clapping his hands together. “If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you’d buy together?” Athena started to write down her answer and Buck attempted to it, leaning over a bit too far considering the space Eddie took up on his lap. Eddie elbowed Buck in the ribs and pulled a face he hoped clearly told him to stop cheating before the team got even angrier at them. Buck pressed a messy kiss to his cheek and pretended he wasn’t even trying to peek.

“What d’ya say, Cap?”

“Athena is too smart to let us spend money on anything. It’s going straight into a college fund for Harry and May,” Bobby answered, crossing his arms over his chest smugly. It was called for because Athena turned over her board to reveal the word COLLEGE spelled out in all caps. She cheered and pressed a big kiss to Bobby’s lips.

“Lucky round, we all knew the answer to that one,” Hen teased, patting Karen’s thigh as she turned toward Chim for their question. “Hit us up, Han. We’re kicking all of your asses,” she commented.

Buck chimed in, “Except for us!” It was a reminder that literally no one needed and they all glared daggers in Buck’s direction. Eddie didn’t mind the way Buck hid behind him that time. He laced their fingers together, bringing one up to his mouth for a soft kiss as Chim read out the next question.

“What was the last date that you went on?” Buck stifled his laughter in Eddie’s shoulder the second both Hen and Karen’s eyes widened in panic. Athena was brazen as always and allowed hers to ring loudly over everyone.

“Oh, c’mon ladies, really?” Athena shouted. Hen glared at her while Karen wrote down—and then crossed out and then wrote something else—on her board. She shook her head guiltily at her wife when the timer buzzed.

“The reason we’re kicking all of your asses is cause you know the answers to those ridiculous questions about your partner’s childhood pet but can’t even remember when you last got them flowers,” Buck pointed out. The looks on everyone’s faces told Eddie that while he shouldn’t have said it, he was absolutely right.

“Yeah, well, what was Eddie’s first job, then?” Maddie shot back to which Eddie sighed because Buck knew the answer to that. They had talked about it one night when Eddie was explaining why he enlisted in the army in the first place.

Buck smirked and answered, “Easy. Technically, he worked construction with his uncle before he turned 18 but he was paid under the table,” he paused for only a moment before finishing, “and he enlisted in the United States Army almost the second he was old enough to.” He held up his hand for a high five but Eddie gauged the looks around him and decided his team already hated him enough for one night.

“Hen, what’s your answer?” He asked, knowing that out of everyone in the room, Hen would be the one to get him out of the situation he found himself in. She took pity, if only so that they could get their round over with, and took a deep breath with her eyes closed.

“Alright, I had the day off three weeks ago but Denny was sick and the day off before that was spent getting the foster twins settled…” Hen looked up at the ceiling and let out the breath she was holding slowly. “We went to that Japanese steak house and sushi bar a few months ago?” Karen cheered and flipped her board over revealing what Eddie assumed was the name of the restaurant Hen had been talking about. Karen leaned over and kissed her wife soundly, both of them glaring over at Buck who waved his hand dismissively.

“Will you stop pissing off our friends, please?” Eddie whispered while Maddie and Chim prepared themselves for their round. Buck shook his head and hiked himself up a little in the chair causing Eddie to immediately panic. He had almost forgotten that the two of them were sharing a damn chair like teenagers who thought they were in love. Eddie made to get up as he said, “Do you need me to—”

Buck grabbed onto his arms and shook his head, smiling softly up at him. “I’m good, just had to reposition. Just let me…” As if Eddie weighed nothing, Buck moved him to a more comfortable position still on his lap and Eddie let out a very embarrassing yelp at the suddenness of the motion. He wasn’t used to being… manhandled, the way Buck had apparently been comfortable with doing.

“We have a spare bedroom if you two need some privacy,” Maddie offered, gesturing over her shoulder and down the hallway. The entire team groaned in displeasure while Buck flipped her off, but she shrugged and mouthed, The offer still stands, in Eddie’s direction.

“Babe, pay attention,” Chim began, earning an eyebrow raise from his wife. He grinned at her as he usually did, and asked, “Describe what you first thought of me in one word.”

“Maddie, now’s your chance to really let him know how you feel,” Buck teased, egging her on with an excited nod of his head. Maddie rolled her eyes in response and as she wrote her answer on the board, she gestured between her and Chim’s heads as if trying to somehow start some telepathic connection.

“I can’t believe Chim somehow found someone just as strange as he is,” Hen muttered much to the agreement of everyone around them. The couple in question didn’t care, though, because they were too busy staring at each other. Eddie thought it was cute, but apparently, everyone else was ready to get on with the game.

“Hey, weirdo, what’s your answer?” Bobby shouted and Buck let out a huff of laughter. It was always nice when Bobby let loose a little and he was seemingly at that point if the name he chose said anything.

“Cute. She thought I was cute,” he answered. Maddie turned her clipboard around slowly, beaming wider each second because she got the answer right. She cheered and pulled Chim into a very full kiss, both of them smiling into it.

“Alright, boys, we’re three for four this round. You get this right or wrong, you still win, so we’re gonna pick the toughest question,” Hen commented and before Buck could argue, Athena held up a hand and raised her eyebrows at him. It was the easiest way to shut him up and everyone there knew it.

“Oh, honey, this one. This is the one,” Athena said, laughter already brightening up her voice. Eddie winced even as Buck squeezed the arm still wrapped around his waist a little tighter in reassurance. Maddie let out a loud laugh before she read the next question out loud.

“Which one of you would Buck say is the most attractive in the relationship?”

“That is so not a fair question!” Buck whined immediately, grabbing the board from his sister to scribble his answer.

Eddie eyed him and at Buck’s inquisitive look, he said, “You answered that incredibly quickly.”

“Hey, no cheating. Eddie, what’s your answer? Who’s more attractive?” Chim asked and then let out a barely contained cackle. “Wait, oh my god, Eddie is either going to say himself which is going to sound extremely narcissistic or Buck is going to have his own name on that board which is the most egotistical answer and man, this question was genius. Athena, I would bow to you if I could.”

Eddie shook his head and glared at his captain’s wife, uncaring that he was there to witness it all. Bobby had a warm smile on his face that Eddie connected to the fact that he was there, with the family he said he wasn’t going to become a part of, laughing and teasing and cuddling up to his boyfriend of almost six months. It wasn’t where Eddie thought he’d be but where Bobby had assumed they’d end up.

He made a mental reminder to thank Bobby later.

“The answer is obviously Buck, but before you start with me,” he pointed at Chim accusingly before he continued, “it’s not because either of us are full of ourselves. It’s because he knows that I would never name myself in any situation. He knows we’re both equally attractive—”

“—And have tested it on many occasions!” Buck interjected but Eddie wasn’t about to explain to his team that they had competitions on who could get the most numbers when they went out together.

“He knows we’re both conventionally attractive men who would possibly fight someone for thinking otherwise but would never actually admit it about ourselves. He also knows that I would just argue with him if he said anything else. So,” he took a deep breath before he finished, “that board says Buck’s name.”

“I don’t think all of that could fit on a whiteboard, Eds,” Buck teased, but he flipped over the board to reveal his own name. Scribbled underneath was one short sentence, squished in the small space. It said, Because Eddie won’t let me say it’s him.

He wasn’t sure what came over him, but all of a sudden, Eddie had his arms tossed around Buck’s neck and their lips pressed together passionately, uncaring that his entire team was watching him. He had never had a connection like the one he had with Buck and this stupid game had solidified to Eddie that the fact they knew each other so well wasn’t all in his head. It made every part of Eddie so incredibly happy.

“Next game night, Buddie stays at home,” Chim said begrudgingly and Eddie didn’t mind that everyone around him agreed. He felt like a teenager again; sitting in the lap of the man he really, really loved, with warm arms wrapped around him, and what felt like a permanent smile on his face.

“Eh, we’ll just take the guest bedroom next time,” Buck shot back. Eddie blushed darker than he had been already, but he didn’t say anything in return. He just let Maddie and Chim tease, Hen and Karen roll their eyes, and Bobby and Athena watch the people they considered their ‘kids’ enjoy the night together.

It was as perfect as perfect could get, Eddie thought. Even when he felt his eyes drooping shut at the end of it all, he knew he would wake up to Buck in his bed and the feeling of family and home etched into his heart. He was starting to believe it would never disappear and he held onto it tighter just to be sure.

#buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911fluffweek #911 #911 on fox #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #im not as happy with this one #but you know what #its fluffy #and it has firefam feels #i love them you know #my writing

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milenadaniels · 3 years

Text

On Eddie/Shannon (and Ana and Buck)

So I was rewatching Eddie Begins for a thing I'm working on and I noticed almost a throwaway line I hadn't heard before. I've seen fandom talk a lot about Shannon as a mom but I've seen next to nothing about Eddie/Shannon as a couple and y'all, from what evidence we have, it was a pretty horrible relationship. I mean just god awful and irredeemable.

(Cut for length but as a teaser, I've been firmly on the Bi!Eddie boat since I fell into this trash bin but by the end of writing this I'm actually wondering if they don't mean to reveal him as gay instead because his relationships with women are nearly identical in the worst way.)

Obviously, we saw the fallout/arguments both times he came home and Shannon ended up leaving but there's a one-liner that points to how they were before Christopher was born too. Right at the start of the argument about Eddie re-enlisting without telling her, Shannon says, "Again. Without telling me. I got pregnant and you signed up. Surprise!"

This man literally heard he was about to be a father and went "how can I both provide for my growing family and not have to deal with this at all?" and joined the fucking army on the spot. And then he kept re-enlisting even though his continued absence was hell on his wife.

Honestly, from my POV, mad props to Shannon for dipping as soon as she could. Absolute dick move as a mother (she for sure could have taken/come back for Christopher) but as a wife I'm so on her side here. They got pregnant and Eddie bailed repeatedly and not only bailed but left her in El Paso with his family (her mother is implied to live farther away), and we don't know all the circumstances of her situation but we do know that A) she was very familiar with the Diaz' parents' criticism, and B) she had no life of her own to speak of!! She had no job, never mentioned anything other than her mother, and in their big fight Eddie even stresses that no, she can't get a job, her place is in the house raising Christopher.

I love Eddie Diaz an unhealthy amount but much like Buck 1.0 was painful to watch, Eddie pre-Shannon-leaving was a dick. Which is super telling me to me. Because Eddie's canonically an amazing father.....once he's a single father!

I still have a few important episodes of season 2 to watch that might provide more context but yeah, I think Shannon/Eddie were one of those couples that just were together cuz they had some interest (I always think of Sk8r Boi - he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious?) but ultimately didn't really connect much? But they either got married because it was the Next Thing to do or because she got pregnant, it's not clear. And their relationship seems to have degraded with each milestone because they just weren't right for each other, they were just stuck.

Literally on the beach, they're admiring Christopher and his constant happiness and Shannon goes "yeah, I don't know where he gets that" ...maybe because happiness is not a defining trait of their relationship? And Shannon is also literally asking, bro what is this? What are we doing? What am I to you? And he can't answer! He can't say, "you're the woman I'm in love with". He just knows that he's supposed to be with the mother of his kid so there we go! :)

Throughout the entirety of Shannon's arc on the show, Eddie repeatedly is ambivalent about whether to get back with her. There's no consistent "I love her so much but X" or "I have no feelings for her anymore but I should try for Christopher", there's a consistent "I don't know, I don't know, I'm waiting for a sign I guess? I don't know".

WHICH

I think it's super interesting when it comes to Ana because our boy has learned precisely 0% of his lessons when it comes to romantic relationships. He's still operating under Sk8r Boi rules and looking for a vague cutout of what a "mother for Christopher" is supposed to look like, connection and shared values be-damned! And with Ana it's like ":) it's nice?" and correct me if I'm wrong but we haven't seen any actual kiss, or like big gesture or anything towards her, right? It's just more of the same "sure? I guess? waiting for a sign" kind of energy. And for those few who didn't see it very clearly from acting choices and writing, we have Carla stopping by to say "look at your life, look at your choices."

And it's so absurd because if this was any other show you'd just be like "aw, this poor guy really struggles to connect with people" EXCEPT HE DOESN'T. Eddie is shown very much connecting emotionally with other people - primarily Buck (and Bobby), then all of the 118 and Carla and his Abuela/Pepa. (Obviously Christopher is #1 but I'm talking connecting on equal footing as adults.)

And looking at his relationship with Buck...it's literally the opposite of ambivalence. As noted here, it literally took 1 whole day for Eddie "Mr. Broody, according to Shannon" Diaz to be dancing like a dork and throwing himself into Buck's space. He introduced Buck to Chris (offscreen) pretty much right after, made Buck a part of their Christmas when he didn't want to include Shannon. And yes there are more dynamics at play here (reintroducing a lost parent is a lot more disregulating to a kid than introducing a new coworker).

But I'm talking about active passion here vs passive indifference.

About pulling this coworker into his life to the point that Buck becomes a staple of the Diaz home, to the point that as Eddie's dying, he thinks of his son and half the memories include Buck too (and Shannon's there literally as a 'hey you can't leave him too' warning, there's not a single happy memory of her in that whole montage, not even at the beach which was super cinematically shot).

About the fact that when Shannon got pregnant, he signed up for the army without telling her.

The Big Thing he hid from Buck? Making him Christopher's legal guardian, tying him to his family legally for all time.

In conclusion, Shannon leaving was the best thing for both of them to have a chance at happiness (though healthy, well-adjusted people might have figured a divorce and living nearby would have been better for Christopher but alas). And now Eddie is repeating his pattern of not looking for or choosing his happiness with Ana. It's the exact same relationship dynamic, and I'm looking forward to him understanding that and moving on from it.

#eddie diaz #shannon diaz #do they even have a shipname? did people ship them? I'm very late to this fandom #this is not a shannon bashing post btw it's a eddie/shannon's relationship was garbage post #they both had no chance at happiness in it #does tumblr still operate on the 5 tags thing?#guess we'll see #911 meta #eddie x shannon #my meta #my posts #sorry for the ramble I've just had so many thoughts #and I'm too tired to write fic tonight but had to purge *something*#buddie parallels #eddieana

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mattzerella-sticks · 3 years

Text

Buddies, 7.3k words, T, (pre-Eddie/Buck, gay!Eddie, coming out)

(ao3)

After Eddie was shot, there were two big things he had to deal with - recovery, and the near-death realization that he was gay. The latter of which proved more difficult of the two. But as his recovery was aided by a physical therapist, Eddie also found someone to help him come to terms with his sexuality and find acceptance. Eddie wouldn't know where he'd be if Michael hadn't taken him under his wing.

However, the consequences of a failed date - encouraged by Michael - lead to something Eddie didn't think he'd be facing so soon. Coming out to his teammates. Will Eddie find the strength within himself to push through his fears? It shouldn't be too hard... right?

It’s too stifling for a fall morning in Los Angeles, Eddie thought, as he hopped out of the fire engine and sweat immediately dampened the collar of his jacket. He tugged on the fabric, huffing a tired breath through clenched teeth as he trotted after his teammates. Eddie soon fell into step beside Buck as Bobby began directing them where they were needed along the highway pileup. “Hen, Chim, attend to the drivers who are already outside their vehicles,” Bobby ordered, waving at the few bystanders leaning against cars and cradling different parts of their body, like arms and heads and one visibly bloody side with blood leaking through pale fingertips. Hen and Chimney immediately hurried there before the woman fainted from blood loss. Then, Bobby points at the two smoking cars fused together feet away. “Buck, Eddie, I want you to check on the drivers in each car and assess the damage. If you can get the occupants out safely, you have permission to do so.”

They nodded, Buck’s face stretching with a grin as he locked eyes with Eddie. “We got this, don’t we Eds?”

Eddie’s heart skipped at the nickname, and he blamed it on the weather. He blamed the warmth pooling in his cheeks, no doubt tinting his cheeks, on that, too. “Course we do.” He followed Buck towards the wreckage, asking, “Which one are you checking?”

“I’ll handle the Corvette,” Buck said, “always wanted to have my hands on one, anyway.”

“Guess that leaves me with the mini-van…”

Buck shrugged, splitting off wordlessly to inspect the red sports car that, in this moment, resembled an empty beer can littering the floor of a house party. You get what you pay for, in the end. Eddie stifled his giggle, sobering to a more serious expression as he rounds the other, less-damaged, car. He found a young girl behind the wheel, staring straight ahead while white knuckling the steering wheel. An older woman sat in the passenger seat, knocked unconscious by the collision. He wasn’t worried too much, however, aware of the deflated air bags blanketing their laps. Eddie knocked on the door, “LAFD! Are you able to lower the window?”

He startled the driver from her trance, shaky hands finally releasing the wheel and whipping to her face. She sobbed through her hands, a muffled sound that tugged on Eddie’s heartstrings.

Eddie knocked again, softer, until she looked at him. He tapped the window slowly, “Can you lower this?”

She choked on a breath, chest heaving underneath her safety strap as she did what Eddie asked.

“Hey,” he began, reaching inside to click the safety off, “my name is Eddie Diaz. What’s yours?”

“Ol-Olivia…” she stuttered, wiping at tears that continued to fall no matter how hard she scrubbed her eyes, “I’m… oh God, I’m so sorry.”

Eddie unbuckled her seatbelt, checking for any cuts or abrasions because of it. The skin around her neck seemed red and tender from impact, a possible burn, but that was the extent of the damage there. “It’s okay,” he assured her, cradling Olivia’s head in his hands to better assess her injuries. There were scrapes and bruises there, dried blood crusting around her nose. Nothing that screamed ‘emergency’. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

She sucked in a deep breath, then launched into her story. Eddie listened, running through a mental checklist while she rambled. “I’d gotten my learner’s permit a few months ago,” Olivia explained, “and I’m supposed to go for my driving test in a few months, for my birthday. In the meantime, I’ve been practicing all I can and I… and I thought I was ready for the highway. I mean, it’s not parallel parking, so I thought it couldn’t be that hard. But my mom thought I wasn’t ready and I… I didn’t listen and – oh, oh no! My mom -!”

“Is okay,” he told Olivia, keeping her eyes on him and preventing any further sudden movement. “I promise.” Eddie surreptitiously scanned Olivia’s mother between beats of her story, noting the subtle rise and fall of her chest. “Is that how you got into the accident? Fighting with your mom?”

“Well, partly,” Olivia explained, “I…” She hesitated, biting her lip and causing a few more blood droplets to leak past the cut there. Eddie waited, running his hands below the dashboard to check for any strain or damage from the crash that might make extraction difficult. There wasn’t any he felt. “It’s so embarrassing,” she muttered.

“It’s okay,” Eddie said, smiling, “You wouldn’t believe the kind of calls me and my team have rushed to. I’m sure whatever happened can’t be as embarrassing as a woman stuck in a window because she tried throwing her poop out when the toilet wouldn’t flush.”

That encouraged a tiny laugh from Olivia, and soon her earlier nerves from the crash disappeared. “I guess…” she sighed, dabbing at drying tear stains with her hoodie sleeve, “I was doing an okay job driving. Better than either I or my mom figured. But then this huge truck barreled by in such a rush that it shook the car and I freaked. I started screaming, and so did my mom, and I didn’t notice that we started drifting and… ugh, I felt like Cher, y’know? From that movie Clueless?”

Eddie blinked at her. “You know what Clueless is?”

“It’s a good movie,” she defended, “Plus that’s like… peak Paul Rudd. Although current Paul Rudd is also peak Paul Rudd… he’s really cute for an old guy.”

He mostly agreed with her, only offended by her closing remark. Paul Rudd isn’t old.

Paul’s ageless.

Eddie stood at his full height, backing away to give Olivia space. “You think you can step out of this vehicle on your own?” She shifted, slowly freeing one leg and then the other. Olivia tried exiting, except stumbled after the second foot left the car. Eddie caught her, easing her to the ground. From the corner of his eye, he saw Hen and Chimney approach. “You’re very lucky Olivia,” he said, “you had a great car that shielded you and your mom from some pretty serious damage. My friends are gonna help you two out now. You don’t have to tell them everything, but be sure to answer all their questions and if there’s any pain, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Eddie rose to greet Hen and Chimney, quickly combing through all he learned during his short time with Olivia, stressing the most important pieces of information. “I still have to get her mother out of the passenger side,” he said, jerking his thumb at the car, “once I do that I can carry her to the ambulance so you can do your thing –“

“Sorry Eddie,” Bobby interrupted, clapping him on the shoulder, “I’m gonna need your help with the other driver.”

“That bad?”

“It’s an older car, made with metal instead of plastic,” he said, “guy’s wedged in there pretty tight, cut up, too. And there’s a glass shard running right into his shoulder blade.” Bobby turned to Hen and Chimney, “Once you’re done here we’ll need you on standby to help us. No telling how much blood he’s lost so far, or if there’s any trauma below his waist.”

“No problem Cap,” Chimney said, “We’re almost done here. Hen, why don’t you go with Eddie and Bobby while I see to Olivia’s mom?”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Great,” Bobby led them to the other side of the wreckage, Buck absent from the scene. “He’s getting the jaws,” he told Eddie and Hen. Then, once they’ve reached the Corvette’s driver’s side, Bobby yelled into the open, broken, window, “Sir? Sir, can you hear me? Are you still with us?”

The man groaned a few indecipherable syllables Eddie couldn’t hope to piece together. He exchanged a short glance with Hen, who appeared similarly unsure. Bobby, meanwhile, continued his one-sided conversation as they waited for Buck to arrive with the jaws.

“Coming in hot!” he yelled, lugging the jaws over his shoulders, “Where you want me, Cap?”

“Let’s start with the door,” he motioned Buck closer, pointing at the hinge. “Eddie, grab the middle. I’ll get this side. When Buck snips this free, we’ll gently lower it down and let Hen get in there.”

“Copy that.” Eddie readied himself, crouching into position. He laid his hands atop the car door, small glass shards crunching under his gloves as his fingers curled. Buck and Bobby talked over his head, working to line up the jaws correctly. During this, Eddie chanced a peek inside at the driver.

The face he saw, staring back at him, nearly knocked him off his feet.

Fitting, as that was how it felt when Michael showed him his picture while convincing Eddie to go on a blind date.

“He works with David at the hospital,” Michael told him, passing his phone over so Eddie would see what David’s co-worker, Dr. Brendan Carmichael, looked like. In the picture Michael found, a selfie from Instagram, Eddie learned more than he needed. That beside the bright, orange hair and freckles splattered across his face like someone flicked a paintbrush over his skin, he also maintained a very strict gym regimen which kept his abs in perfect condition. Eddie’s thumb hovered over the midsection Brendan revealed, careful not to like it on Michael’s account. “He broke up with his last boyfriend a few months ago, and only recently started talking about dating again,” he continued, Eddie tearing his gaze away from the phone to better listen, “David mentioned you, how you were wanting to date again, too, and Brendan’s interested in setting something up. Only question is… are you?”

It was something Eddie was working himself up to. After breaking things off with Ana during his recovery, and Buck’s focus divided further because of Taylor, Eddie found periods where he was all alone with only his thoughts as company. Because of this, it was harder and harder for him to ignore certain stuff he’d pushed to the back of his mind and crammed into a tiny closet. Namely, his utter sexual indifference to women.

Almost dying for the umpteenth time put Eddie’s life into perspective.

He wouldn’t know if the next near-death call might finally succeed where others hadn’t, and Eddie realized how awful it’d be to go without following his heart.

So he followed it all the way to Michael’s. Eddie knocked on his door late one evening, a fifth of whiskey in his veins dulling the voices shouting how this was stupid, how he and Michael were acquaintances at best and strangers at worst. Then, once Michael invited him inside his empty apartment, Eddie vomited his epiphanies until Michael set his shaking frame down on the couch and forced a glass of water down his throat.

Since then, Michael had taken on the role as Eddie’s gay sponsor. Michael guided Eddie to a point where he could see his reflection and say ‘gay’ while smiling. He also pushed at the fear that still clung to Eddie, urging him to experience new things, like with this blind-date.

“I don’t know,” he said, “he does look… really, really nice.” Admitting that never felt like pulling teeth with pliers anymore, thanks to Michael. “I’m just… not sure.”

“What aren’t you sure about?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I… I guess it’s nerves. I’ve never done this before, you know. Is there anything I should know? That makes it different than a date with a woman?”

Michael shot him a flat look, snatching his phone back. “A date is a date. There’s nothing different about it because it’s with another man. Well… except for when the check comes, and you have to bare-knuckle brawl in the kitchen to decide who gets to pay.” Eddie returned the favor, brows leveling at his friend. Michael chuckled, “Seriously, it’s nothing you need to work yourself up about. Go into it like it was any other date. You’ll have fun – and I’m not laying it on. Brendan is a great guy, from what I’ve heard. He’s got charm and face, which is rare. You don’t find men like us in the wild every day.”

“Men like us?” Eddie parroted, cheeks straining as he fought against the smile threatening to appear.

“Me,” Michael clarified, grinning freely, “And Chris Hemsworth. That’s it though.”

“And this Brendan guy,” Eddie added, “if what you’re saying is true.”

It wasn’t, unfortunately.

The night started with Brendan arriving late to the restaurant he chose because of its proximity to the hospital, and only further plummeted as it went on. Brendan criticized his choice in dinner, goading him into ordering an even pricier dish that Eddie hadn’t even wanted. Which Eddie then paid for, although he almost was stuck with the entire bill as Brendan assumed Eddie would cover it. It almost made Eddie reconsider Michael’s earlier crack about brawling. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Brendan’s personality rubbed Eddie the wrong way. He was dismissive of Eddie’s career, unsubtly scrolled through his phone during parts of the evening, and seemed entirely uninterested in Christopher to the point that Brendan interrupted any story about him with an unconnected anecdote, derailing the entire conversation. As the waiter left with their credit cards, all Eddie wanted was to put this date in the rearview behind him.

Except Brendan’s phone died during dessert, and he didn’t drive himself. “If you could give me a ride?” Brendan suggested, slipping a hand behind Eddie’s button-down and petting his chest, “I’d be very grateful…”

Eddie wished he could say he drove Brendan home without anything happening, that he was a stronger man. But Eddie gave in to curious temptation. He let Brendan guide him to his apartment bed instead of racing back home to fall asleep in an empty house, Christopher staying over at Michael’s with Harry.

They jerked each other off in the end; a slight comfort over oral and miles above anal. Once Eddie came, he feigned exhaustion and settled in for a sleepless night. He laid in wait for the morning, where he snuck out of Brendan’s apartment as the rising sun filtered past drawn curtains without a word to his date. Eddie did leave a note, promising he would call soon.

He hadn’t and had no plan to, either.

Still, here Brendan was.

“Cutting in three, guys,” Buck yelled. He proceeded to count down; on one, Eddie heard the snip from the jaws and belatedly realized he needed to move. Bobby swung a second before Eddie, and the momentum of the door made Eddie stumble in his haste to lift the door.

“Eddie,” Bobby huffed, “You good?”

“Yeah… yeah,” he nodded, dropping the door on the street at the same time Bobby did. “No need to worry about me.”

Bobby didn’t believe him, but he stopped questioning Eddie in favor of looming over Hen’s shoulder as she worked on Brendan. Buck leaned against the roof, head ducked inside the cabin, too. Eddie stood apart from the scene as an outlier. He wasn’t sure if it was good to approach. Although, being fully removed meant he wouldn’t know what the other man might say in his condition.

Only three people knew of his sexuality – Michael, David, and Brendan. Eddie wasn’t ready for that circle to expand.

Eddie returned, joining the others. He entered to hear Hen finish her line of questioning, her last question prompting Brendan to speak. “The wound on my shoulder is superficial,” he said, gaze unwavering on the side of Eddie’s face. He felt the weight of it, Eddie turned to watch his co-workers instead of Brendan. Bobby’s focus didn’t waver from the crushed dashboard in Brendan’s lap, prodding it in different areas. Buck kept glancing between Eddie and Brendan. “It’s deep, but a clean cut. You can get to that later, because I’m pretty sure there’s something digging into my leg close to my femoral artery.”

“We’ll get right to it, then,” Hen assured him, “Sounds like you know your stuff, though. You a doctor?”

Eddie bit his tongue, swallowing his instinctual reply. “Yeah,” Brendan said, “I’m a doctor.”

“Then that saves us some time.” Hen reached into her bag for a neck brace, placing it around Brendan’s neck while Bobby muttered something to Buck. Buck’s eyes flicked to his briefly before he jogged towards the fire truck. “We’ll have you out of here in no time. Can you tell me where you were headed?”

“To lunch,” Brendan told her, “We had to push a surgery back a day, and my next one wasn’t until two so I… I thought I’d treat myself to something nice. I already had back-to-back operations this entire morning.”

“What were they?”

“Tumor removals,” he explained, “in the brain. Real delicate work. I’ve probably performed over a hundred by now, but I still can’t shake the jitters each time I enter the theater…” Eddie grimaced, hiding it behind his jacket collar. Yes, he knew about Brendan’s job. Hearing it in this context, on the field and not in a dimly lit restaurant, hit differently; like he cared about his patients and didn’t use his position as a point of status. This was not the Brendan he remembered. Regret churned in Eddie’s gut, mixing with the shame and embarrassment already present.

“I know what you mean,�� Hen smiled. She rubbed around the shoulder wound, cleaning it of dried blood to better inspect it. “You can have it all down to a formula, but you will never be sure what might happen when the time comes.”

“Exactly.”

Buck hurried back with new tools in hands. He handed a saw to Bobby, “Where do you want me?”

“Other side,” Bobby said. He tapped Hen on the shoulder, silently urging her off Brendan. “Sir,” he started, “we’re going to be cutting the dashboard off shortly. Don’t be afraid to talk or shout if you feel any pain, okay?”

“I understand.”

“I’ll remove the wheel, first,” Bobby said, slipping a pair of goggles on, “don’t move.” He powered the saw on and, in seconds, removed the wheel. Brendan sagged somewhat, breathing stilted and ragged. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...” He coughed, “Think my ribs might be bruised, possibly broken. I don’t… I think that’s it. Not sure.”

“You’re talking, so that’s a good sign.” Hen felt around his chest, then held her stethoscope to hear his lungs. “Nothing out of the ordinary here, Cap. Carry on.”

Bobby, and Buck now, brought their saws to the dashboard and continued cutting. Hen waited, kneeling, holding a bottle of solution and gauze for when it was her turn again. Meanwhile, Eddie uselessly hovered near her. There wasn’t much for him to do.

That wasn’t true for long.

Suddenly he was very much needed, Bobby calling for him and motioning Eddie with the saw. He tripped over his feet, “Coming! Coming!” Rushing to help Bobby remove the dashboard that, along with the glass shard, pinned Brendan to his seat. In doing this, Eddie glimpsed the red-stained leather under his leg. “Hen!” he said, “All you.”

Hen filled the space where the dashboard had been, attending to Brendan’s wound with practiced speed. As Eddie and Bobby returned, she fixed the tourniquet around his thigh and was partway done with wrapping his leg with gauze. And when Buck sidled towards them, she began removing the glass shard in his shoulder. It was much longer than a passing glance would make you believe. “Yikes,” Buck muttered, “You ever think a windshield could do that?”

“Old cars like these?” Bobby replied, “Anything’s possible.”

“He’s good for removal!” Hen yelled over her shoulder, kicking her bag a few feet back. She stands, dusting off her knees, “I’ll go get Chimney and the stretcher, be ready to help us set him down once we’re here.”

“Buck and Eddie’ll handle that,” Bobby said, “I’m gonna do a final sweep of the area, make sure we didn’t miss anything. Copy?”

“Understood.” Buck knocked shoulders with Eddie, nodding at the car, “Let’s go get the doctor ready for his ride back to work.”

Eddie bit his cheek, letting silence give a better response than he could at the moment. If Buck found it odd, like Bobby, he didn’t comment on it. They walked to Brendan’s car again, Eddie going through the motions to get him ready for transit. In that short span of seconds, Eddie hoped his luck might keep his secret safe. That Brendan wouldn’t mention their date.

He knelt down, waiting for Buck’s signal to lift his legs, when he made the mistake of finally meeting Brendan’s stare. Brendan offered him a tired smile. “This is so not how I expected we’d meet again.”

…Shit.

Buck stilled, his hands falling to their sides as he looked to Eddie. “You two know each other?”

Brendan sighed in the affirmative. “Very intimately.”

“What…” Buck’s face screwed itself into an expression of confusion, the rainbow wheel in his mind spinning endlessly while he processed Brendan’s innuendo.

Eddie pounced to fill the awkward silence. “We hung out, once,” he told Buck, “Like, a few days ago, I think? Super casual…”

“Oh –“

“Oh,” Brendan interjected, darker than earlier. He coughed, voice straining from the force of it, but he wasn’t deterred. “Oh, really? Hanging out… that’s what you’re calling it?”

“Uh…” Eddie, taken aback by such an unexpected call out, couldn’t produce more than a few mumbled phrases that didn’t move beyond one syllable nor, when strung together, were comprehensible. Instead he glanced between Brendan and Buck, wasting precious time with silence.

Brendan, however, formed complete sentences. “So tell me… since I have you, were you even planning on hanging out with me again, or do you leave all your buddies notes like that?”

In his anger, Brendan shifted and started angling himself towards Eddie. Buck snapped out of his stupor enough to lay a calming hand on Brendan’s shoulder, “Hey! Hey… sir, you need to keep still until we move you.”

“Sorry, sorry…” Brendan relaxed, albeit his glare was still focused on Eddie. Eddie flinched under the weight of it.

“I…” Eddie tried, very aware of the sound behind him, of wheels rolling over gravel and measured footsteps. “I was trying to be nice?”

“Nice?” Brendan spat, “Fuck you, Eddie.”

“Eddie,” Buck inched closer, drawing Eddie’s gaze from Brendan to him. He spoke softly, like Eddie were one of the many victims they attended to during their careers. Eddie also noted the sharp steeple Buck’s brows, drawn together as if he already filled in the missing gaps of Eddie and Brendan’s story. Shit. “Why don’t you let us handle this?”

“I…” Eddie found breathing as hard as speaking, managing enough foresight to sharply nod before standing and striding away from Brendan’s car. He passed a curious, concerned Bobby, but ignored his calls. Eddie kept himself tightly wound all the way to the engine. Once he entered, he fell apart. Eddie’s vision blurred, his lungs couldn’t hold enough air, and he melted inside his uniform. All he was able to do before completely shutting down was shoot a quick message to Michael.

Brendn in acidnt fine but h outd me what do

Eddie’s grip on his phone tightened considerably when he heard the engine doors open again. Buck slid inside, not meeting Eddie’s wide, panicked stare. There were more doors opening, Bobby and other firefighters climbing aboard. “Hen and Chim are taking that guy to the hospital,” Buck said, “Our work here’s done.” He paused, gnawing on his lip, considering saying more while Bobby slowly pulled them onto the road. “What he said…”

He missed the rest of Buck’s question. His voice dulled as a sharp ringing in Eddie’s head blocked out every sound around him. Eddie sunk into it, comforted in the simpleness of the noise. He pressed himself against the window, arms crossed over his chest, and watched the scenery blur during their drive to the station.

Then, when they arrived, Eddie flung the door open and his puddled mass in a jacket spilled free of the engine. He stripped off his uniform in a record-setting pace. And, as he finished, Eddie saw Buck steadily approach, Bobby like a shadow behind him. Both wore similar expressions that warned Eddie of conversations he was not ready for. Because of that, Eddie did something he regret. A course of action so damning it spoke louder than any mangled defense he might put together.

He hid.

“Stupid… stupid…” Eddie whacked his phone across his temple, curled into a tight ball outside the building. He snuck through a door in the back, smart enough to not go far but knowing that it’s so rare anyone used this area. It was set aside for the firefighters who smoked, Chimney explained. Those were always a small contingent, never more than one or two per squad. As the years went by, numbers dwindled, and a smoking firefighter became an endangered species. Now, hardly anyone uses this tiny alley that separates the fire house from its adjoining building. Except for Eddie. “I can’t believe I could have such shitty luck…”

He went to hit himself with his phone again, but a shrill ping cut into his spiraling. Eddie checked his messages – Can I call? It was Michael. He texted back a thumbs up he didn’t mean. Soon his phone shook in his hands.

Eddie answered, “Hey…”

“Hi Eddie,” Michael said, tone soft like Buck’s back at the scene. He hated it. Eddie hated how much he wilted because of it, how his nerves started inching away from the edge at the gentle, implied coaxing. “How are you feeling?”

Eddie barked a short, nasty laugh, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead. “I feel like I’m about to burst into flames.”

“If you do, at least you’re around people who’ll know what to do.”

“What if I don’t want them to save me,” Eddie groused, “should I make a break for it before the first spark catches?”

“Like they wouldn’t race after you…” Michael’s voice trailed, clearly tiptoeing around the words he chose next. “So,” he said, “you ran into Brendan again today?”

Eddie snorted. “More like some kid ran into his car…” He growled, kneading at his eye with the heel of his hand. “I can’t believe what happened, and how I… how I froze like that. Seriously, what were the odds?”

“Pretty fucking low,” Michael told him, “But that’s exactly what it was, shit luck. There’s nothing you could have done to not have what happened, happened.”

“That’s not true,” he sighed, “I could have not gone on that date with him. Or, at least, not let him talk me into his bed.”

“He’s a charmer.”

“I had nothing better going on,” Eddie said. He played his words back in his head, silently cursing how brusque they sounded. Was he really the bad guy in this scenario? Brendan hadn’t seem interested in a relationship during their dinner, and Eddie thought his own feelings were on display, too. Buck always said his poker face had more cracks in it than a busted sidewalk. Maybe the note was unnecessary, he can concede. Eddie can’t rewrite history and destroy it, though. “Besides,” he continued, swatting those past regrets away like flies, “Brendan wasn’t all that charming when he outed me, on top of cursing me out in front of the 118.”

“Man was in a car accident,” Michael reminded Eddie, “He probably had more to worry about than decorum.” Michael coughed across the line, clearing his throat. “That doesn’t excuse what he did.”

“Yeah,” he said, “I thought it was, like, gay brotherhood that you’re not supposed to out another gay person… or whatever.”

“I… don’t think he knew. That you weren’t out…” Michael hummed, the noise rattling inside Eddie’s chest. “You’re right, in a way. Any decent gay person wouldn’t out a person before they’re ready. I can’t remember if Derek mentioned your… situation, when setting up the date. I can text him but, Eddie –“ Michael’s sigh caused the line to crackle and break, Eddie shivering as it hit his ear “– Eddie, Brendan and what he might and might not have known isn’t important, isn’t why I called.” Eddie knew. Of course, he knew. “What are you planning on doing next?”

“That depends,” Eddie mumbled. His free hand tugged on his laces, loosening them slowly. “Do you want to hear what I want to do, or what I’m going to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Fake mine and Chris’s deaths,” he told Michael, “Start over somewhere new. Maybe on the East Coast, in a small fishing village where I can be a lighthouse keeper and never have to see another person ever again. Just me and Chris and the sea, until Chris leaves or I grow old and die. Whichever happens first.”

“That’s… dark.” Michael said, “And oddly specific.”

Eddie shrugged, “I watched the Lighthouse last night. Robert Pattinson jerked it to some mermaid doodle in it. Like… I could do that. Survive off of doodles of hunky mermen, or sailors. Hunky mermen getting it on with sailors… God knows the real thing didn’t work out.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Well, what else can I do?”

“You can go inside and talk to your friends,” Michael reasoned, “Your team who cares about you, and are most definitely worried because of what happened and how it affected you. Your family, who is ready to accept you for who you are as they always will. But first, you need to trust them and let them in to see who that is.”

When Michael explained it, the obvious choice also seemed to be the easiest. The tiny seed of doubt, however, planted once Eddie accepted his heart’s leanings and blossomed into a strange bushel of roses with thorny roots strangling his chest, would not let him be. It poisoned his rationality, shredding any confidence Eddie built. “I trust them with my life,” he wondered, speaking barely above a whisper, “why is it so hard to trust them with this? Is it just me?”

“It’s not you, Eddie,” Michael said. His voice thundered with conviction, startling Eddie. “Believe me, you aren’t the first gay man to feel this way and, unfortunately, you won’t be the last.”

He sniffed, a wet chuckle escaping past his lips in a raspy breath. “That sucks.”

“It sure does,” Michael agreed.

“Does it ever go away?” he asked, “Or… get easier?”

“I… it’s not a cut-and-dry answer,” he told Eddie, “In some cases, yes. Others… no. It’s situational.” Eddie found this answer unsatisfying. He wasn’t the only one. “Listen,” Michael said, “this might seem scary now, but I, uh – remember that first night. That night you came to my place and confided in me. What did you say?”

“That I was gay.”

“Yes…” Michael sucked in a deep breath, hissing his next thought so pointedly it cut through those pesky roots. “Now, imagine you’re me, saying what you said to me, but instead of saying it to me you were saying it to my lovely ex-wife who, at the time, was still my wife, and all this after we’re both a few glasses of wine deep and the kids are asleep.”

Michael’s past helped put Eddie’s own troubles in perspective. He mentioned as such to him.

“I don’t want to come off like ‘I had worse’ blah blah,” Michael said, “My point is – you see how good the relationship between Athena and I is. She could have easily kicked me out and then never spoken to me again. But she didn’t. She had every reason to hate me, but she didn’t. Athena loved me when she thought I was straight and continued after learning I was gay. It’s a different sort of love now, and yes, it might have wavered at times, but she stuck by my side like I stuck to hers. Yes, I was scared to tell her, just like you were when you came and told me. Just like you are now. But because I pushed through my fear, I freed us both from being unhappy. Her and Bobby… me and Derek… neither would have happened if I decided to keep my feelings to myself.”

“Yeah… your life did change…” Eddie rested his head against his knees, remnants of adrenaline from earlier fully fading leaving an exhaustion that set deep into his bones. “I guess that’s what I’m really afraid of. How… acknowledging who I really am, and owning it, how everything will change after.”

“Eddie, will being gay affect your job?”

“What?” Eddie yelped, head rising again, neck aching from the whiplash Michael’s unrelated question caused. “No –“

“Will you being out really make you a completely different, unrecognizable person?”

“Uh… I – I don’t… no?”

“Then it sounds like nothing will actually change.” Michael’s tone relaxed and, finally, Eddie let himself do the same. The other man’s speech wrapped around him like a warm blanket. “You didn’t wake up one morning and decide to be gay. It’s something that’s always been a part of you. It’s been there during every call you went out on. You’ll still be Eddie… just a happier Eddie, because you’re allowing yourself to be happy and honest with who you are. That’s what’s important here. Coming out isn’t about other people, it’s about you. You, opening yourself to others to see this part of you, and letting them share in the joy of who you are. And the 118, your friends, will still love you because this… this gay Eddie you have in your mind, is just Eddie. That’s it.”

Eddie didn’t cry. He wouldn’t be able to hide it, once he went back inside to confront his friends. If they asked, Eddie might mumble a few broken words about allergies then move on. Because he didn’t let his tears fall. “Thanks, Michael,” Eddie said, “I… I’m really grateful for you, being my friend. And that you didn’t turn me away like you should have done when I showed up at your apartment.”

“I was less afraid of what you’d do,” Michael laughed, “and more afraid what you might do if I didn’t.”

They ended the call soon enough, with Eddie exchanging a few final pleasantries while Michael’s goodbye was laced with encouragement.

Eddie stood, riding the aches of pain that came from unfurling his back out of the tight coil he forced it into. He stretched his arms, pointed high towards the sky. Eddie leaned onto his toes, and even lifted his face to better feel the sun shining above.

Much too warm for fall.

Despite the heat and his fears, Eddie returned to the firehouse. He slowly crept inside, alert, gaze bouncing around for a sign of his friends. When he didn’t find them on the first floor, not hovering by the truck and newly returned ambulance or biding time in the gym, Eddie passed faceless co-workers on his way to the stairs. Each step Eddie took sounded like beats from a heavy drum, sounding a funeral march. Eddie kept up the tempo.

As he climbed higher, his head peeked out and Eddie caught a glimpse of the second floor. Like always, his eyes were drawn immediately to Buck. He, along with Bobby, Hen, and Chim, were huddled around the kitchen island. Eddie watched them converse quietly, briefly, the discussion cutting off because Buck, the one currently speaking, turned and saw Eddie. Buck straightened, body taut and tense like Christopher got after Eddie caught him misbehaving. Eddie wasn’t foolish enough to think they were talking about anything other than him. Buck’s face flickers, flipping through emotions like pages in a book too fast so Eddie can’t read. It settled on a steely façade of determination, Buck readying to move. Before he can, Bobby stopped Buck with one hand on his shoulder. He understood.

Let Eddie come to them.

He did, slowly, at his own pace. Eddie settled between Hen and Chimney, both firefighters creating a space for him.

There’s a beat of silence, the air above the kitchen island so weighty Eddie’s shoulders drooped. He fought against it, taking a deep breath. “Hey.”

“Eddie,” Bobby spoke first, “how are you doing?”

Michael advised honesty. That’s what Eddie gave. “I’m a little scared,” he admitted with a laugh, staring intently at a divot in the island’s counter, and how his finger repeatedly traced it. “Okay. A lot of scared.”

“We’re here for you Eddie,” Bobby said, “Whatever it is.” On either side, his friends reached for him. Hen laid her hand over Eddie’s, crushing it in a loving grip, while Chimney soothingly rubbed his back. Eddie glanced at the men in front of him, Bobby looking encouraging at him while Buck…

Eddie still can’t decipher what it is Buck tries to show.

If he thought about it too long, he’d lose all the confidence he gathered to arrive at this point. Eddie swallowed past the lump in his throat, attempting to smile. “Thank you,” he said, “really.” Then, without fanfare, Eddie shrugged and told his friends, “I’m gay.”

Like that, the next breath Eddie took felt lighter. It was unbelievable. No one said anything, but their love and acceptance were visible in other ways. Eddie was almost brought to tears because of them. He reigned his emotions in, maintaining control. If they stayed like this, however, he’s sure to break.

Eddie cleared his throat, “That’s all. So if we could…”

“Not so fast,” Chimney said, smirk tainting their tender moment. His hand slunk across Eddie’s back to his shoulder, clamping down and chaining Eddie there at his side. “There’s still the doctor of it all that’s been unaccounted for…”

“Chim,” Bobby warned lightly, trying his best to play boss.

Hen waved him off. “Eddie should have his chance to explain,” she argued, “tell us his side of the story. Lord knows Chim and I got an earful about what that man thought of you, Eddie. Filled the entire drive from the wreck to the hospital.”

“He had a lot of opinions,” Chimney added.

Eddie sighed. He expected they might have questions, especially about Brendan. He wasn’t unprepared for this. “I went on one date with the man,” he explained, “something Michael set up –“

“Michael?” Bobby interrupted, tapping his chest, “My Michael?”

“He’s not just your friend,” Eddie said, “He… he’s been helping me deal with… with all this. This… being gay, stuff.” He shifted, bending forward to press his chest on the counter. “It was Michael’s idea I go on a date with Brendan, sort of like practice. To get more comfortable being… out, in public, with another man. Personally, I didn’t think the date was that special. Brendan was… he had a lot of personality.”

“Sure was flexing that… personality, despite all those injuries,” Hen agreed, “Kept going on about this – this note you wrote? What was that about?” Hen might have asked coyly, but it was obvious to Eddie she knew.

He still answered her. “I was going for nice,” he muttered, “I didn’t want to up and abandon him after we… after he invited me over for the night, and we…” They were at work. Eddie couldn’t say more.

Nothing else needed saying. Even Buck understood, if his rapidly flushing cheeks meant anything. “Oh,” he said, “so you and him… you two…” His pointer fingers on either hand were extended, slapping each other with wide sweeps.

Hen choked on a snort, shoving Buck’s hands apart. “They weren’t sword-fighting, Buck.”

“Yeah, I knew that…” Because of his bashful pout, followed by Buck tucking his head into his chest, Eddie didn’t buy his excuse.

“Okay,” Bobby steered the conversation elsewhere, “besides us and… Michael… have you told anyone else?”

Eddie shook his head. “Really?” Buck asked, “Not even Chris?”

“Especially not Chris…” Some of that earlier fear returned, roosting in his chest like a bird returned north from winter. “I never… I don’t know how I would explain it to him or… how much I would have to explain? Like, if I was a single dad from the start, I’m sure it would be easier. But most of his memories are with me and his mom, and I – I haven’t figured out a way to tell him while also not invalidating mine and Shannon’s marriage, y’know?” Eddie agonized over that near constantly. He loved Shannon, truly, and wanted their marriage to work despite not being attracted to her in the way that mattered. Christopher needed her in his life. If that meant Eddie gave Shannon what she wanted, what Eddie pretended he wanted to, it would have been worth it.

But, in the end, she still went ahead with the divorce. Shannon was more perceptive than he ever gave her credit for.

“And then there’s the Ana of it all…” Eddie threw out, offhandedly.

“Wait,” Buck said, “was that why you broke it off with her? When you told me…”

Eddie’s breath hitched slightly, and he drummed his fingers against the counterspace. “No,” he said, “I… I didn’t have the realization then. I meant it, about us not clicking and… her being another try at giving Chris a mom. Although, being gay would definitely have played a factor in us not clicking.”

“That’s for sure.”

Another wave of silence washed over them, this the most awkward of them all. “If that’s it for questions…” Eddie extricated himself from the group, final shreds of adrenaline fading and leaving him exhausted. His mind already set a course for the bunks, planning a lengthy nap as a reward for his vulnerability.

“Of course,” Bobby rounded the island, moving closer to Eddie. Buck was on his heels, but hung back on the fringes of the group, a few inches behind Hen and Chimney. “I want you to know how proud I am of you, though. I can’t imagine any of what you had to deal with was easy, and if you need anything from us – keeping this information to ourselves or whatever… let us know. We’ll follow your lead.” He then opened himself for a hug, giving Eddie the option to accept or refuse.

Eddie sagged into Bobby’s embrace, grateful. “Thank you.” Hen and Chimney joined them, squeezing Eddie tighter and tighter. Only Buck kept his distance. Eddie opened his eyes and noticed the younger man watching them, a glint in his eye that struck Eddie’s nerve. Once the others released him, Eddie confronted Buck. “Hey, are you…”

“Hmm?” Buck blinked, and what Eddie saw earlier disappeared. It vanished like it never existed. Maybe Eddie imagined it? Regardless, Buck smiled in his usual, too-large-for-his-face way and swept Eddie in a giant hug of his own. “I’m proud, too,” he whispered, “And what Bobby said goes double for me. Anything you need, ask… and I’ll be there.”

Eddie caught himself before he spoke without thinking. Instead, he returned the hug. He rested his cheek against Buck’s shoulder, humming in acknowledgment of Buck’s promise.

Buck would do anything for Eddie, as much as he would do anything for Christopher.

Anything… except what Eddie truly desired from him.

While baring his soul to the group about his sexuality was one matter, confessing to all his secrets was an entirely different sort he hadn’t felt ready for. He doubted he ever will be. Because if he told Buck the reason why he stopped running from the truth, why he couldn’t deny his feelings after being content in doing so for years, Eddie feared Buck would prove the sickening voices in his head right by leaving him.

Really, Eddie thought, what else was there to do when you learn your best friend is in love with you?

So he ignored how Buck’s touch skimmed his lower back, the gentle swaying dance they began by hugging longer than necessary, and, as they drew apart, the struck-match feeling of Buck’s lips brushing the outer edge of his ear.

There was nothing to read into, he reminded himself. He and Buck were friends. Best friends. Best buddies. Buck had Taylor, and Eddie…

Eddie had hope. Hope, emboldened by his bout of honesty, that there will come a day he found a man he truly loved to share his life with.

Even if they weren’t Buck.

#buddie #9-1-1 on fox #post-4x14 #eddie diaz #gay eddie diaz #eddie diaz comes out #9-1-1 s5 spec fic #evan 'buck' buckley #buck x eddie #pining eddie diaz #bobby nash #henrietta 'hen' wilson #howard 'chimney' han #michael grant #less about the getting together and more about the character study of eddie if they decided to go through with the gay route

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buddiefamily · 3 years

Text

This is a result of people insisting Eddie didn’t have a reaction. He did! He’s just not as expressive as Buck so it wasn’t visible from space.

I Got You, Always [read on ao3]

rating: explicit, no warnings apply, friends to lovers, protective eddie

Eddie had just taken most of his gear off when he heard Chimney ask: “Where’s Buck?”

As if they all didn’t know perfectly well where Buck was. He felt his body shake. With fear or anger, he wasn’t sure. He had plenty reason for both. He was fuming with fury at Buck’s parents for treating him like he didn’t matter, for making him feel like he was nothing better than defective parts, who does that to their child? He couldn’t help but be angry at Hen and Chimney too, for letting Buck separate from the rest of them, god knew Buck was in no state to even be working at all, let alone this, him alone. And he was scared, alright. He was terrified. Not that he’d ever show or admit to it, but he was. He was terrified for Buck, who more than anything needed to know he’s loved and appreciated. Not this, not being all by himself! How could they allow this?

In an attempt to hide his distress, his fear, he threw his hands up at Chimney and Hen in a gesture that said and you let him?

Then he heard Buck’s voice, reporting to the IC and he let out a sigh of relief, once again being able to breathe properly. Buck was okay.

But then he said he was surrounded, lost, and Eddie felt like his lungs would give out at any second. He looked at Bobby, pleading, he didn’t care anymore. They needed to go back in, they needed to get to Buck.

There was an explosion.

Eddie’s heart stopped.

Bobby gave a short nod, then they were all gearing up again, running towards the entrance. Eddie couldn’t will his legs to move fast enough. He knew it wasn’t humanly possible to run much faster with all the weight of his gear, but he had to try. And try he did, leaving the rest of his team a good few yards behind him, rushing to Buck as fast as he could.

When he saw him, finally, his first instinct was to make sure Buck was okay, that he wasn’t hurt, he wanted to hold Buck and to never let go. But there was a job to be done. So he only allowed himself half a second to collect his heart from where it was shattered all around him, then he got to work. His team was there, right behind him. He couldn’t be more thankful.

They were out of the building, Buck was sitting in the back of an ambulance, Bobby and Hen by his side. Eddie was aching to talk to Buck, more than anything he wanted to be the one by his side. But he wasn’t selfish. He knew what Buck needed right then, and it wasn’t him. What Buck needed was to hear that he had people who cared about him, people who would always be there for him, who he could rely on. So he let Bobby and Hen talk to Buck, then Athena – Eddie was so glad she was there, he knew how much her and Bobby meant to Buck – and all Eddie did was wait. He stood and watched, never once taking his eyes off Buck. He watched his expression shift from grief and guilt to something more content and calm and finally, when he talked to Athena, Eddie saw Buck smile.

Eddie was still worried. Maybe Buck was out of physical danger now, but that sure as hell didn’t mean he was okay. Still, he didn’t go over and talk to Buck, he didn’t trust himself to stay composed. He’d talk to him in the morning. Eddie knew that was selfish of him, but at least it was better than the alternative. Buck needed him to be strong, he’d be of no use if he talked to Buck now, he’d break down and cry. Neither of them needed that.

Eddie went home.

As much as he wished to hug his son, Chris was asleep already, so Eddie settled for a forehead kiss and a whispered I love you. He went to his own room, closing the door carefully behind him. Only then, in the privacy of his own bedroom, did he allow himself to let go. He wasn’t aware of making a conscious decision to move his body, but the next thing he knew he was curled on the floor, his breath coming out in short puffs. His eyes were burning with tears, he felt them streaming down his cheeks. His body shook. He heard a sob before he even realized it left his own mouth.

Later, when he could catch his breath again, he would wonder why he was so wrecked, so worried. He’d tell himself Buck was in no imminent danger, in no life-threatening situation. He’d stare at the wall, trying to figure out why his heart ached so much to see Buck doubt himself like he did earlier that day, then throw himself at the first opportunity to get hurt. His panic would rise once again for a moment, fearing that maybe that was Buck’s intention, to get hurt. He would remember his street fighting, how Buck knew immediately, how he paid attention. And then it would down on him, attention. That was what Buck wanted, needed, what he never got from his parents. So he learned to ask for it, it the craziest loudest ways possible, because that’s all that ever worked. Stealing the fire truck, the lawsuit, it all suddenly made sense. And Eddie’s heart would break again. For Buck who felt, no matter how loved he was, that people didn’t notice him, didn’t care. He would hate himself for not realizing sooner, for not being able to fix it. Eddie would sit on his bedroom floor for hours, asking himself why all this hurt so much, why Buck’s pain hurt him.

And the answer was right there, right in front of him, if he only listened to his heart.

The next morning, as he got ready to work, he stood in front of the mirror and swore to his reflection that he would stay composed. For Buck’s sake. And he would have done it, he really had faith in himself. But then Buck’s parents showed up at the firehouse, and Eddie lost every tiny fiber of his cool.

Screw composed; Eddie had a lot to say.

What made him even angrier was that everyone else seemed so unbothered by their presence, even Chimney who must have known better than anyone what kind of people they were. Yet he just sat with them, narrating Buck’s heroic rescues, one after another. Eddie couldn’t listen to it anymore.

“Your son is a hero, in every sense of the word,” he said, his voice firm. The silence that suddenly surrounded them was deafening. He could fell all eyes on him. He didn’t care. He continued: “He’s a hero, but he had never once in his life felt like one.”

“Eddie-” Hen tried to warn him, to stop him, knowing full well where the conversation would go. Eddie didn’t even acknowledge her.

“Your son is the most selfless, caring, compassionate person I know. I doubt he learned any of that from you.”

There was a gasp, Mrs. Buckley nearly jumped out of her chair, no doubt ready to defend herself, to find some half-hearted excuse.

“He loves so freely, he gives everything he has to others, yet he never feels seen, appreciated,” Eddies voice was still firm, even as he struggled to catch his breath, “loved.”

He looked around. Most people have left the floor, only Hen and Chim were still hanging around. For whose sake, he wasn’t quite sure. He looked back to Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, half expecting an argument, something like but we love him.

It never came. Instead-

“Tell us about him.”

He must have heard wrong.

“You seem to care about Evan a great deal, why don’t you tell us what he’s like?” Mr. Buckley was looking at him expectantly. He felt anger rise in his chest. These people didn’t deserve to be a part of Buck’s life. But he caught Hen’s gaze, stern, and he sighed. Fine. But he would do it his way.

“Buck,” he emphasized, “his name is Buck.”

When Buck arrived with Bobby, announcing a clean bill of health, Eddie once again wished he could hold Buck and never let go. But his captain was there, the rest of his team at his heel, just like always. It had to wait.

So instead, he joked.

“Show-off.”

And Buck’s smile was worth every bit of the pain he felt.

“I had to do it,” Buck told him, as if Eddie didn’t already know that. He couldn’t help but smile too.

“I knew you did,” he replied, because every little reassurance he could give to Buck, he would.

They just stood there for a moment, easy silence between them, then Eddie’s expression changed. Buck could tell right away. How he read Eddie so easily sometimes, it was almost scary.

“You got some visitors,” he told Buck and watched his face fall as he realized the implication.

Once again, all Eddie could do was wait. He watched Buck disappear up the stairs, hoping he’d get his moment to spend with Buck after. But then he announced he was going to see Maddie and all Eddie could say to him before he left was: “I’m here for you if you need me.”

Then he was all alone in his house again, Chris fast asleep by the time he got home from his shift. He wished Carla goodnight, waved her off when she offered to stay with him, insisted he was fine.

This time he didn’t make it to the bedroom before he felt his chest tighten and the tears warm on his cheeks. He was alone anyway, it didn’t matter. Except maybe he was less alone than he thought.

There was a knock on the door.

Before he could even stand up from his spot on the couch, he heard the key turn in the lock and the door opened, revealing Buck. Eddie rushed to him, wiping his tears as best as he could without Buck noticing.

“You said you’d be here when I needed you,” Buck said, his eyes fixed on his shoes. Eddie opened his mouth to reassure him that he would, always, but then Buck continued, and Eddie could only stare.

“I’m sorry, Eddie, I should have realized what that meant. I should have known that was you asking to see me.”

At that Eddie couldn’t hold his tears any longer.

“No, Buck, that’s not what I meant. I did want to see you, because I never got to talk to you yesterday, but I would never ask that of you, not when you have your own problems to worry about.” Eddie stepped closer, taking hold of Buck’s hands, he needed him to understand this wasn’t about him.

“I know, Eds, that’s exactly why I should have known.” Buck looked so devastated. He went to hell and back with his family and the factory fire, yet here he was, worrying about Eddie.

So Eddie tried to explain to him, how it didn’t matter what he felt, how Buck was his priority now. And Buck just laughed. A soft honest laugh. Eddie felt his chest tighten, this time the feeling was different. Warm.

“It’s not a competition, you know,” he said, then walked to the couch, still holding onto Eddie’s hands, dragging him along, “we can be here for each other.”

Eddie pulled him in for a hug. Buck wrapped his hands around Eddie’s waist, holding on for dear life. Buck really did need him, Eddie realized. He held on just as tight, one hand around Buck’s shoulders, the other in his hair, stroking lightly.

“I got you,” he whispered. Now that he finally had Buck in his arms, he wasn’t gonna let go. Thankfully, it seemed Buck agreed with that sentiment, not letting go of Eddie’s waist even as they sat down on the couch.

After a moment of silence, Buck said: “Hen told me you yelled at my parents.” He didn’t sound angry, so Eddie didn’t apologize. He didn’t know what else to say, luckily he didn’t have to because Buck continued, his tone lighter now: “Thank you. Although I do wonder what you told them. My mother said you were a keeper, any idea what she meant by that?”

Eddie went red in the face.

“I showed them pictures of you and Chris, she- she must have assumed,” Eddie stammered, pulling away from Buck, “I’m so sorry, Buck, I swear I didn’t-”

Buck’s grip on Eddie’s hips tightened, not letting him go too far.

“It’s okay, Eddie.” Buck’s voice was so calm, there was a small smile on his lips. Eddie was speechless. Once again, it didn’t matter, because Buck spoke again: “Thank you.”

Eddie stared at Buck, his eyes roaming Buck’s face, searching for answers. Why did he suddenly feel so warm with Buck’s hands on him, why did his heart beat like crazy, why were his hands shaking as he reached to touch Buck again? This time, when the answer stared him in the face, quite literally, he didn’t try to hide, to run away.

He wasn’t brave enough to say the words, so he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Buck’s forehead. Buck, who watched Eddie tuck Chris into bed more times than he could count, knew exactly what it meant. He wrapped his hands around Eddie in a crushing embrace, and whispered against his ear: “Me too, Eddie.” Then he felt Buck’s lips at his jaw, and as much as he wanted to stay in Buck’s embrace for the rest of eternity, there was something else he was dying to do.

So he pulled back, only to lean back in and finally, finally, kissed Buck’s lips.

Buck’s hands were on his face in an instant, holding gently, his thumbs caressing his cheeks softly. His lips were just as soft, careful, moving painfully slowly against Eddie’s. But there was no rush, Eddie told himself, he could enjoy this. So he did. He kissed Buck with just a little more pressure, he gripped Buck’s shoulders just that bit tighter, finally understanding why his heart always felt heavy and light at the same time when he was with Buck. He let Buck kiss him back any way he wanted, he let Buck bite at his lower lip, let his tongue trace his lip, against his tongue, and he felt his heart fill with warmth and explode over and over. He kissed Buck’s jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck to his collarbones. Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s skin now, his shirt pulled up by Buck’s curious fingers. Eddie felt Buck’s fingernails running gently up and down his lower back and he shivered, letting out a sigh.

“You like that?” Buck asked him, his voice deep and raspy. His nails were now firmer on Eddie’s back, more insistent. He moaned. And that was all the answer Buck needed.

His lips were on Eddie’s again, his hands never leaving Eddie’s back. Even when – after making sure that’s what Eddie wanted – he was taking off Eddie’s shirt, he managed to keep one hand on his hip. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was meant to reassure or tease him, either way he was thankful. Buck only let go to take his own shirt off, and even that short moment left Eddie feeling cold and alone. Then Buck’s hands were all over him, as if he couldn’t get enough of Eddie’s skin, as if holding Eddie forever wouldn’t be enough.

They made their way to the bedroom, only stopping once to make out against the wall, Eddie pressing his body against Buck’s, feeling Buck’s erection at his hip. After that, it was only thanks to Buck’s strong hands pushing him away and towards the bedroom, that they even made it there. Then the door was closed behind them and Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s hips, pushing his sweatpants down and off, along with his underwear. Eddie tried to do the same for Buck, struggling with his belt buckle, until Buck took pity on him and took the rest of his clothes off himself.

Eddie was pushing him towards the bed, crawling on top of him. Their bodies were flush against each other’s, nothing but skin on skin. Eddie was breathless. For once, it was a good feeling. He looked at Buck, who looked back at him, waiting. Buck was waiting for Eddie to make a move, to set the pace, Buck was giving him a go-ahead for anything he wanted. But Eddie couldn’t do that, couldn’t possibly do something – anything – if he wasn’t entirely sure that’s what Buck wanted. So he asked: “What do you want, Buck?”

“Anything,” he replied, his voice low, “everything.”

And that wasn’t very helpful to Eddie. But if Buck wanted everything, he sure as hell would deliver. And if in the process he could get Buck to tell him what he really wanted, well, that would only be a bonus.

So he leaned down, his elbows supporting his weight, and he kissed Buck slowly. He let his lips ghost over Buck’s until he felt Buck trying to press closer, only then did he allow for an actual kiss. He licked and sucked at Buck’s lips, his hands on each side of Buck’s torso, not touching. He tried to ignore Buck’s hard cock pressing against his, he held his hips still. Buck’s hands were on Eddie’s back again, his nails digging in and it was almost enough for Eddie to abandon his plan and let Buck have anything, everything.

But he didn’t budge. Instead, he took hold of both Buck’s wrists and brought them above his head, holding them against the pillow with one of his hands. The other hand he used to prop himself us so that his hips weren’t touching Buck’s.

Buck groaned it frustration but said nothing. So Eddie kissed his neck, both his shoulders, sucked a hickey right over where his heart was, all the while still holding Buck’s wrists. And Buck made all the sounds Eddie never even thought to dream about. And he tried to move his hips, tried to free his hands to touch Eddie, but Eddie was having none of that.

“Stay still,” he demanded in the most authoritative tone he could muster in the moment, “and keep your hands where they are.” It seemed to work like magic, Buck went perfectly still and when Eddie let go of Buck’s wrists, his hands didn’t move an inch. Eddie nodded approvingly, then went to trail kisses down Buck’s chest and stomach. When he got all the way to his hips, he sucked a mark on each side, making Buck moan, struggling to stay still. Eddie moved lower; he could feel Buck hold his breath in anticipation.

Ignoring Buck’s erection, Eddie kissed down his thigh.

“Eddie,” Buck sighed in frustration.

Eddie traced his lips to Buck’s knee, then took hold of his ankle and moved Buck’s leg so that it was bent. He kissed Buck’s knee again, then moved his lips and tongue and teeth to Buck’s inner thigh. He heard Buck take in a sharp breath, he heard him try to muffle his sighs by biting his lip. When he worked his way almost all the way up Buck’s thigh, Eddie felt him hold his breath again.

Eddie switched to Buck’s other leg, repeating the process, dragging it out even more. His own dick was achingly hard, but he focused on Buck instead. Kissing and nibbling at the sensitive skin of Buck’s thigh. Buck’s sighs and groans were a mixture of pleasure and frustration, until finally Eddie heard him say: “Eddie, please!”

That was his cue.

He stopped licking at Buck’s skin, pulled away, and looked up at Buck asking with fake innocence: “Please, what?”

“Fuck me,” was what Buck said.

Eddie couldn’t even congratulate himself on how easy that was, he felt a shiver run all the way through him.

“That’s not exactly how I prefer to call it, but…”

He reached for his bedside table, taking out lube and a condom, then climbed over to Buck again. Their eyes locked, Eddie could see Buck’s lips twitch, trying not to smile. Apparently, Eddie wasn’t the only one playing a game here.

“Make love to me, Eddie.”

And that was it for him, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He grabbed the bottle of lube and squeezed out what was probably too much, but he couldn’t care less. He pressed a slick finger against Buck’s hole, not quite pressing in just yet, just circling around.

Buck moaned. The sound made Eddie’s head spin. He pressed his finger in gently, watching Buck’s face to make sure he wasn’t hurting him in any way. He moved his finger carefully in and out until Buck asked formore Eddie please I need more. He added another finger, his other hand holding Buck’s hip gently but firmly. Then it was three of Eddie’s fingers inside Buck and the only words leaving Buck’s mouth was a mantra of please please please as Eddie’s fingers brushed his prostate over and over. When he pulled out his fingers, Buck made a sound at the loss, almost like a sob. Eddie kissed his stomach.

“I got you,” he promised.

He struggled with the condom for longer than he’d wish to admit, his hands shaking. Once he figured it out, he reached for the lube again, coating his cock, then tossing the bottle somewhere by the foot of the bed. He leaned over Buck who was looking at him with so much love in his face Eddie nearly passed out. He positioned himself between Buck’s legs, pressing his cock against Buck’s already slick hole. He placed his hands on Buck’s hips and pushed in. Buck’s eyes closed, his hands tangled in the pillows, still trying to stay still. Eddie leaned in to kiss him softly.

“You can touch me, Buck,” he whispered.

Buck let out the biggest sigh of relief, his hands going to Eddie’s shoulders immediately. Eddie kept their bodies pressed flush against each other’s as he moved his hips, his lips never once leaving Buck’s skin. He pushed in and out slowly, listening to Buck’s sighs and moans, his ear right next to Buck’s lips. As much as Buck seemed to be content with their slow pace, Eddie wanted more. He sped up his thrusts, only just enough so that Buck picked up on it, could stop him if he wanted to. He didn’t. He pushed his hips up to meet Eddie’s, gripping his shoulders tight for leverage.

That little change in angle was all it took, Eddie now hitting Buck’s prostate with each thrust. Buck had to press his lips against Eddie’s in an attempt not to scream. Eddie held onto Buck, kissing back messily, he felt his own orgasm approaching.

“Eddie-” Buck pulled away; spoke to warn Eddie he was close. Eddie kissed the corner of his lips.

“I got you,” he said again, then sped up his thrusts even more, angling his hips just right. Buck came, burying his lips in Eddie’s shoulder to silence himself. Eddie followed short after, collapsing on top of Buck.

After they were cleaned up and cuddled on the bed, this time under the covers, Buck’s head on Eddie’s chest, Eddie’s hands wrapped around Buck protectively, Eddie teased: “A keeper, huh?”

Buck laughed. He kissed Eddie’s jaw.

“You definitely are a keeper,” Buck said with a soft smile, then added, “thanks again, for standing up for me. I really appreciate it.”

And Eddie just looked at him fondly.

“I got you, always.”

#buck begins #the episode emotionally destroyed me #and he did have a reaction yall are just blind #buddie #buddie fanfiction #911 fox #buddie fic #friends to lovers #idiots in love #ao3 #fanfiction #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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madamewriterofwrongs · 3 years

Text

Missed High Five

911/Buddie

For @buckleysjareau who asked for Buck giving Eddie flirting lessons <3

If he was going to blame anyone, he would blame Chimney. No, he would blame himself for listening to Chimney. What did he know about dating anyways? Sure, he and Maddie had been through hell and were still going on dates and discovering things they loved about each other and seemed to be genuinely happy together. But that was a fluke, obviously.

Just ask them out. The worst they can do is say ‘no’ and then you can move on.

Horrible advice. In point of fact, the worst thing they could do was not ‘say no’. They could laugh in their face; they could say yes to avoid conflict; they could ask for a transfer and they’d never see each other again.

Maybe Chimney’s advice would be different if he knew that he was telling him to ask out a coworker.

Either way, it was definitely Chimney’s fault, and not the extra shot he’d done at the bar while they were all out celebrating Albert’s birthday.

“It’s weird, right?” Hen tucked into his side as he lounged at the edge of the party. “Not knowing any of Albert’s friends?”

Eddie shrugged to avoid admitting that he was incredibly uncomfortable. “That seems to be the way with us, though. Any excuse to get together.” He took another swig of beer, eye catching sight of the object of his interest dancing with a few of Albert’s coworkers. “Or maybe it’s just weird because we’re making it weird.”

Hen followed his line of sight, chuckling when she found Buck twirling a young woman who was clearly starstruck by the older man.

“More like we have the common sense to know when the age gap is too wide.”

Just ask them out.

Chugging the last of his bottle with an audible gulp, Eddie kept his eyes squarely on his target as he slammed the glass on the bar behind him. “Then I guess I’d better go save him.”

Eddie hated the dance floor; there was a reason he’d been avoiding it all night. It was overwhelmingly hot and crowded and too loud to hear anything beyond the pounding of the bass under their feet. He’d never held much love for clubbing in his twenties and he certainly held no affection for it now. He was here to celebrate the birth of a mutual acquaintance and save his best friend from embarrassing himself from being too nice to realize when he was being hit on.

How the mighty have fallen, Chimney had teased him the first time the waitress at their usual place pouted over not getting his number. Buck hadn’t even noticed that she was dropping obvious hints about what time she got off work and whether his apartment was close by. He’d just answered her questions respectfully, turning back to his conversation with the table until Chimney had finally slapped him upside the head for being so oblivious.

None of us what Playgirl Buck to make a reappearance but that was just pathetic.

Eddie had never seen the so-called ‘Buck 1.0’, only the lovelorn 2.0 who’d lost his girlfriend long before he realized, and struggled to find solid ground in the midst of rediscovering his priorities. He liked that Buck – there was a reason they’d become such fast friends – but even he had to admit that the man had lost his game.

“Eddie!” He couldn’t help the fond smile that crossed his face when his friend shouted his name over the thrumming music. “Come join the land of the living.”

“Actually, I came to drag you back to the land of the dead. We’re taking Christopher to the zoo in the morning, remember?” Buck seemed to miss the way the woman he was dancing with instinctually stepped away at the mention of the little boy. Eddie did not.

“Fine,” the blond sighed, though his face showed no signs of being put out. That was something that Eddie had admired in his friend from the very beginning: his unabashed love for Christopher. That kid was possibly the most loveable creature on the planet but the way Buck cared for him was a beacon in the darkness of space. “I’ll just say ‘bye’ to Albert.” With that, he’d disappeared into the crowd, leaving Eddie surrounding by sweaty, noisy, thrumming twenty-somethings, without anyone to save him.

Okay, so the music wasn’t that bad. And the crowds – while plentiful – were keeping a respectful distance (he wasn’t getting jostled about, nor was he being judged for using the word ‘jostled’). In fact, it had a pretty good beat to it. He could probably find the rhythm and dance to it, if he wanted to. It wasn’t awful in here after all.

The hand between his shoulder blades made him jump. “Ready to go?” Oh, thank goodness.

With one last wave to his fellow old fogeys at the bar, he followed Buck out of the crowd and into the cool night air.

It was always cooler outside than in some noisy club but in point of fact, it was a warm California summer, dulled by the lights of the city which overtook the starless black sky. Nevertheless, Eddie found himself drawn to Buck for warmth (or so he convinced himself). It had nothing to do with the comfort and ease he felt with the other man, content at his side in a way he never realized he could feel with another person.

He’d accepted some time ago, that he was ready to begin dating again. Life after Shannon was still boiling over with guilt and loss, but he had started to wonder – thanks to some helpful sessions with his work-mandated therapist – that sharing that grief with another person would help the healing process. So, he’d begun to look at the world with fresh eyes; almost immediately, those eyes had fallen on his best friend. The man who’d been by his side since their first meeting, protecting his son, comforting him through unspeakable loss, leaving (as they always did) but coming back.

He couldn’t quite put a word to how he felt for Buck, but if there was going to be a reason to reenter the dating pool, it would be to figure out what that word was.

So, yes, he may have found comfort in leaning against Buck’s side long ago, but he was now acutely aware of how often he did it, and how much he enjoyed it. It wouldn’t be a grand feat to place his arm around the other man’s waist, or let Buck put his hand on his shoulder. In fact, he found the urge to pull himself closer grew stronger the more he let his mind wander.

There were just one or two things he had to get out in the open, first.

“Hey, Buck” he spoke as casually as a man with a singular focus could speak. “If I wanted to ask someone out, what do you think is the best way to do it?”

Eddie tripped over his feet when Buck stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face his friend with laser-focused intensity. There was something etched there – concern? Jealousy (he wouldn’t dare to think)? Excitement?

“You got someone in mind?”

He couldn’t know, could he? Was he so obvious that one question revealed his secret? It was better to test the waters first.

“I do, actually. It’s a coworker; a friend.”

Buck hissed in discomfort, shoving his hands into his pockets with enthusiasm. “That’s tricky. Trust me when I say that sleeping with your coworkers is dangerous.” His shocked expression must have been as evident as his longing, because Buck chuckled a moment later. “Not at the 118. It was before I moved to LA and definitely a mistake.”

It was not as reassuring as Buck seemed to think it would be.

“So you don’t think I should go for it?”

“I didn’t say that, just” Even his non-committal shrug was cute. Eddie was doomed. “Be careful, I guess.”

What was he supposed to do, now? How could he test the waters knowing Buck was hesitant to dip his toe in? Perhaps he should just abort the whole mission and go back to caring too deeply for a man who’d come to mean the world to him.

He couldn’t blame Evan Buckley for turning him into a sap, but his presence in his life certainly hadn’t helped his natural inclinations.

“So…” Eddie startled when Buck bumped his shoulder. They’d been walking towards his truck – parked far enough away from the bar that he’d briefly contemplated just walking from home – for a few minutes while he lost himself contemplating whether or not to follow Chimney’s advice and just ask him out, already.

“So what?”

“Do I know this person you want to ask out?”

He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to find out if the rumors of an entrance to Hell in Pasadena were true.

“Yeah, actually, pretty well.”

“So it’s someone we work with.” Buck bounced along the sidewalk, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Interesting. What’s your game plan?”

He was wrong; this was hell. This moment, walking beside his best friend on a random Saturday evening, was the definition of hell.

“I don’t really have a plan” he admitted, realizing in that moment, how close it was to the truth. Alarm bells began to chime with a reminder that this was a bad idea. Yet, still, he persisted.

“Then you’re in luck because I am here to help.”

“I’m sorry, when was the last time you went on a date?”

Buck made a disgruntled face, hidden by his smile, the way he did whenever Eddie teased him. He’d long ago catalogued the way his facial expressions changed depending on which of their friends was doing the teasing. This look was his one of his favourites.

“It’s been a while” thirteen months and nineteen days (not that Eddie was counting) “but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I think that’s exactly what it means.”

“Look, do you want my help or not?”

More warning bells clattered through his, admittedly, less fuzzy brain, but for some reason – which, to this day, he still isn’t sure of the reason – Eddie ignored them.

“Fine. What’d you got?”

The man punched his hand in excitement, fairly skipping down the street now; eyes aglow with enthusiasm (or perhaps it was just the smog).

“Okay, so, first of all: do you know if they’re interested?”

If that wasn’t that the million-dollar question on Eddie’s mind. “I’m not sure. I know they’re open to the possibility of dating, but they haven’t made any signal that they’re interested in me specifically.”

“That’s okay. Now you just have to woo them.”

He hadn’t meant to laugh so loudly, but it was impossible to know what Buck would say next on any given day; and tonight was no exception.

“Woo?”

“Yeah,” The firefighter plowed on with his usual fervor. “you know: you spend time with them, give them gifts, take any opportunity you can to touch them.”

“Touch them, how?”

They hadn’t stopped walking, but Eddie found himself dizzy from the realization of how slowly they were moving – how close they were. They were always comfortable standing shoulder to shoulder but suddenly, it was too much and not enough. The space under his collarbones grew incredibly hot.

“Just little things.” Buck bumped his friend’s shoulder with more purpose, rubbing the fabric of their shirts together. “A shoulder touch, a hand on the small of the back,” he demonstrated with a move that startled Eddie with its certainty. “Any chance you get, create a physical connection.”

They’d all but stopped walking now, Buck’s hand cupping his back, his own traitorous limbs reaching out to hook into his friend’s jeans. If he pulled hard enough, maybe he could make Buck gasp the way he did in his head when they-

Buck seemed completely oblivious to the stretch of rope between them; anticipation pulled taut. His smile was as calm and eager as ever, so proud that Eddie was a hands-on learner.

If only he knew how hands-on.

“Does it work?” Eddie found himself hoping for a very specific answer that he wouldn’t dare spell out, even in his mind.

“It always works for me.”

The pair hadn’t separated, though the moment was long past over. Yet, Buck still smiled, unaware of how close he was to everything changing.

That was the chink in his normally confident armor. He wasn’t worried that Buck would hurt him, or that they would lose their friendship if things went south – he wasn’t even concerned with how their work dynamic might be altered by the addition of a more personal relationship in a high stress job. It was that things would change; things, which he’d only barely gotten a handle on. Sharing a bed, sharing aspects of his private life, trusting and opening up more than he already had with Buck. And it would all happen at once. He hadn’t been a wonderful partner the first time around; there was no guarantee he’d get it right now.

When did Eddie start thinking of Buck on par with Shannon?

“So” he cleared his throat but hadn’t found the courage to let go of Buck’s belt loop (nor had Buck removed his hand from the small of his back). “spend time, give gifts, and touch them. Then what?”

“If they’re receptive to all your advances, then you just have to go for it.” Buck nodded unhelpfully. “Ask them out.”

“Why is that everyone’s advice?” Eddie grumbled to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He was doomed. “So when you say ‘spend time together’, do you mean like how we’re taking Christopher to the zoo tomorrow?”

The way Buck tilted his head in contemplation shouldn’t have been as endearing as he found it, but at that point, there was nothing to do but admit that he was a goner for everything that man did.

“Yeah; or how I let you drag me to baseball games.”

“I don’t drag you” Eddie lied.

“I’m not going for the overpriced beer and popcorn.” It was an admission that gripped his heart with something akin to hope.

“And giving gifts. Like that skateboard you found for Christopher?”

“That was mostly for Christopher” Buck conceded, still only a tantalizing breath away and none the wiser. “But yeah. Or when you fixed my bike on your day off. It’s the little things that mean the most, right?”

He hadn’t spent two hours learning how to repair Buck’s broken line in order to see the smile on his face, but the hug he received was well worth the blood, sweat, and swearing.

“And touching?”

He was a fool for asking but he was worse for wishing he didn’t have to. For wanting to have the power to kiss and press and hold whenever he wanted without having to go through the stress of risking his heart.

The worst was wondering if Buck looked down at his lips intentionally or if it was a simple reflex.

“Touch can be as simple as brushing shoulders.” He half-expected the man to demonstrate the way they had been for so many months, but his fingers curled against the fabric of Eddie’s sweater as if willing himself not to. “Or it can be a welcome hug, sitting next to them when there’s space to be apart.” He didn’t need to catalogue the library of examples he had because each touch had been seared into his skin since he realized it was an option. Standing this close, Eddie was certain he could see the same memories flashing through Buck’s eyes, the warmth of their breaths mingling together like smoke in the breeze.

It would be so simple now: reach out and steal that first kiss he’d been craving all night. And it would taste sweet. Buck was always going to taste sweet but he’d also tried some artsy blueberry ale and the scent of it still lingered. He could close his eyes and pretend they’d always been kissing; pull him close and never let go.

But he’d never steal their first moment together. It was meant to be shared, to enjoyed equally and with the same longing enthusiasm; he needed to take the plunge first.

“And then you ask them out?”

“Exactly.” Buck, endearingly oblivious Buck, smiled proudly at his protegee and tilted his head away, still not leaving the safety of their bubbly but no longer engaged in their battle of wills that he didn’t realize he’d won.

How was Eddie meant to resist?

“Go out with me?”

“Just like that. I doubt they’ll say no.”

Eddie’s stomach dropped to the ground and rolled into on-coming traffic. “Is that a ‘yes’?”

Buck furrowed his brow in confusion. “Yes, that was a straightforward way of asking someone out.”

There were many times in his career as a firefighter that Eddie had to control his expression for the unbelievable things people said to him on a call – some were awful, some where hilarious, others were just ridiculous – and he was quite proud of his ability to school his features in the face of adversity. He was never prepared to use that super power while off the clock.

“Are you serious?” He gaped at Buck with pure confusion and disbelief – and no short measure of disappointment. “Is this your way of turning me down or did you really not know?” He couldn’t decide which was worse – yes, he could, but he was still fighting his traitorous heart beating out of his chest at the realization of what he was about to reveal.

“Not know what?” It genuinely was so innocent.

With his last ounce of will power, Eddie released his friend’s belt loops and guided him backwards. Cold air hit his chest and he was reminded of how exposed they were in this moment – not only from the elements but from his heart, as cliché as it was. Buck seemed reluctant to release the grip on Eddie’s now-rumpled shirt but he did it, and the space became even greater as he mourned the loss of being completely surrounded.

He needed the room to offer his heart.

“Buck, I was trying to ask you out.”

Silence; the passage of time marked only by the widening of his friend’s eyes.

“Oh.” Realization. “Oh.” Comprehension.”

His heart crumbled. “Yeah. But, I understand that you’re not inter”

“I am.” The panic was surprising but the sincerity knocked him off-center. “I definitely am.” With every rambled word, Eddie was forced to lean back from the sheer gravity of Buck’s energy. “I had hoped and then I had stopped hoping and then you wanted advice and I thought I’d missed my chance and then I got so caught up I thought I was misinterpreting everything and I didn’t want to assume but I also really, like, being close to you, Eddie and if this was my only chance then I was going to take it but it seems like it might not be my only chance unless I’ve completely blown my shot which I might have because I don’t think I’ve ever rambled this much – why can’t I stop talking, Eddie, I’m never like this, I promise – I think I’m realizing in real-time just how much I screwed up what is probably the best thing in my life”

“You didn’t screw up anything.” The urge to laugh at the breathless man before him was smothered by throwing both hands over Buck’s mouth. “You didn’t screw up a damn thing. Though the rambling is new.” He allowed a chuckle to escape and it seemed to ease the tension in his friend’s shoulders. Everything fell silent again as Eddie stared into those bright blue eyes filled with what he finally recognized as the same hope he’d been carrying around.

“Go out with me, Buck?”

Without missing a beat, the other man nodded vigorously beneath Eddie’s hands, feeling the smile stretch wide.

“Good. I’m glad.”

A warm hand circled his, gently pulling his hand away from Buck’s mouth but never straying far from his face; the smile had turned a familiar shade of cocky and cute – though the latter was a newer realization.

“So I guess my technique worked, huh?”

Eddie gaped in some horrible mix between genuine offence and pure joy. The little-how could he-did he think-why would he-he’s trying to-

“Shut up” he floundered, using their joined hands to push Buck’s chest away, though the other man never released his grip and with a simple tug, he found himself back in their familiar bubble. Not safe from the cruel reality, but secure in their new truth and warmed by hope.

“Make me.”

He had every intention of doing just that.

#cj writes things #buckleysjareau #love mack #911 fox #911fox #911fic #911 fic #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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mooresomore · 3 years

Text

One of the things Eddie didn’t know when he started hanging out with Buck was just how much Buck loved Elton John’s music. Like seriously, Buck listened to it all the time. It was kind of cute and endearing actually (and Eddie wasn’t going to look into the way that Elton seemed like a role model to Buck). Buck had come out to Eddie almost immediately after the grenade incident, revealing he was bisexual. Eddie thanked Buck for trusting him enough to tell him, but said he wasn’t quite ready to come out regarding his own sexuality quite yet, because he was still working through things.

“Whatever you need man, I’m here.” Buck had said. “Even if it’s just someone to work through things with. I’ve been there before.”

“Thanks.” Eddie was actually about to take Buck up on his offer (and see if it was just a one-time thing, or if he was truly into guys), but then Shannon had come back and things had come to a stop before they even got going. Buck still invited Eddie and Christopher over (and took Christopher a couple of times to give Eddie and Shannon some time).

Then there was the Christmas Santa scene. Eddie had spilled his guts to Buck and Buck just listened and offered some advice. Of course, Eddie hadn’t heard what the elf had said to Buck. Buck got into the Jeep with this look Eddie couldn’t quite decipher and started driving them home. Eddie was about to ask Buck what was going on when Buck all but screamed, “I love this song!” and cranked up the radio. Eddie couldn’t hide the smile that worked its way onto his face. Of course it was Elton John’s “Step Into Christmas”.

“Hands on the wheel.” Eddie gently reminded Buck when Buck got a little too overzealous rocking out to the song.

“Sorry.” Buck turned the radio down a little and focused on the road.

Eddie turned the music back up. “Didn’t say you needed to stop. Just tone it down a little and get us home in one piece, ok?”

“Yeah.” Buck glanced over at Eddie, who grinned. Buck looked to the backseat where Christopher was dancing around in his seat the best he could. “Wait a minute.” Buck looked down, where Eddie’s fingers were tapping against the console in time with the beat of the song. “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” Eddie grinned. “But if you tell anyone…”

“Your secret is safe with me.” Buck said, grinning as he pulled up in front of Eddie’s house. “We have arrived at your destination.”

“Thanks. I had fun tonight.” Eddie said.

“Me too.” Buck said.

“Thanks for coming with us Buck.” Christopher said as Eddie got him out of the Jeep.

“Anytime Superman. See you on Friday night for movie night?”

“Yeah!” Christopher grinned.

“See you then.” Eddie said softly. “Text me when you get home?”

“Always.” Buck said.

***

The next time it happened, Eddie was hanging out with Buck at Buck’s loft. Abuela had offered to take Christopher so Eddie could have a day to himself (he hadn’t got many of those since Shannon had died- and Eddie really didn’t want to relive that part of his life again). Buck had immediately decided Eddie didn’t need to be alone, so he had come up with the flimsy excuse of needing to try out a recipe, knowing that they were still on shaky ground after the lawsuit. Eddie had said yes without a moment’s hesitation (he couldn’t refuse Buck’s cooking), so here they were.

“What do you want to do?” Buck asked. “Tonight’s your night man. I’m down for whatever, as long as it’s legal.”

That pulled a grin from Eddie. “Whatever’s legal, huh? So if I said I wanted to get completely shitfaced at a strip club and bring a girl home, you’re down for that?”

There was a look that Eddie couldn’t quite place for a second on Buck’s face, but it went away and Buck said, “If that’s what you want, dude. Let’s go.”

“What?” Eddie asked as Buck grabbed his keys. “No, Buck. I was just kidding. I was using that as an example. I don’t want to do that.”

“Good.” Buck said, dropping his keys back in the bowl by the door. “Cause that wasn’t really going to be fun.”

“What?” Eddie asked. There was that look on Buck’s face again. Eddie was still trying to decipher it.

“It wouldn’t be fun watching you get drunk and hook up with someone else.” Buck’s voice was soft and Oh! Eddie suddenly knew that look. It was jealousy.

“What you’re saying is you would totally be ok if I got drunk and hooked up with you instead?” Eddie asked. They hadn’t ever really talked about Eddie’s orientation again since the initial time, but he was pretty sure Buck was picking up on all the flirting Eddie was laying down.

“Yeah.” Buck said. “Or you could not get drunk and still hook up with me?”

“Buck,” Eddie said. “I’d never regret hooking up with you. In fact, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”

“You have?” Buck asked.

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Just the timing was never right. I wanted to ask you. Then Shannon came back, then she died, then there was the lawsuit and I couldn’t talk to you.”

“You can talk to me now.” Buck said. “I want you to talk to me now.” Buck amended. “I need to know a lot before we get up to anything. This can’t just be a casual thing. I can’t do casual.” Buck said.

“It’s not.” Eddie promised. “I want it all with you. I want the awkward dating stage, the ‘we can’t keep our hands off of each other’ stage, and the ‘I don’t want to spend my life with anyone but you’ stage.”

“Me too.” Buck said. He looked at Eddie. “I need to know how much you’ve done and what you’re comfortable with.”

Eddie knew this was an awkward conversation, but they needed to get it out of the way. He told Buck about the couple of experiences he’d had, what he’d liked and hadn’t liked, and what he wanted to learn and do. Buck listened and then explained his own experiences and what he wanted.

“Now that we have that out of the way, let’s say we get started?” Buck asked, leaning in towards Eddie. “You can say stop at any time and we can stop.”

“Ok.” Eddie leaned in. Buck’s phone rang, Elton John’s “Rocketman” coming through the tinny speaker. Eddie pulled back, laughing. “I should have figured.”

“Stop.” Buck put his head in his hands. “I thought I had turned off my ringer.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with some Elton John.” Eddie said. “Just not when I’m about to make out with my best friend.”

“Take it to the bedroom?” Buck asked, reaching out his hand towards Eddie.

“Yes please.”

***

They had made it through all the stages and were now up to the “I don’t want to spend my life with anyone but you” one. Buck had just proposed, and Eddie (after consulting Christopher) had agreed. Bobby had given his blessing and they were at the courthouse getting their marriage certificate (they didn’t want a big thing). When they got home, Buck said, “I do want to do a first dance with you if that’s ok. I just always had this vision and…” Buck was cut off by a kiss from Eddie.

“Bring your phone here. I know the perfect song.” Buck wordlessly handed over his phone and watched as Eddie scrolled through the songs until he grinned. Soon, “Something About the Way You Look Tonight” filled the living room and they were slow dancing. Buck had tears in his eyes.

“Babe,” Eddie said. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said as the song ended.

“They’re happy tears, promise.” Buck said. “That song was perfect.” He hugged Eddie close.

“Elton has all the right words, even when I don’t.” Eddie said, smiling. “Yes, you’ve turned me into an Elton John fan.”

“Took you long enough.” Buck grinned.

The joke was on Buck though-Eddie said that he had gotten them a honeymoon gift. He made Buck close his eyes. Buck humored Eddie, and Eddie placed the tickets and VIP passes into Buck’s hands. “Open your eyes.”

Eddie watched as Buck realized what they were. “Eds?”

“I love you.” Was all Eddie could say.

“I love you too. So much.” Buck said.

Buck managed to not pass out when they got to meet Elton John, so he counted it as a win. This was definitely one of the coolest things he’d ever got to do.

***

If you were in the Buckley-Diaz household, there was a 95% chance that Elton John was playing on the speakers.

#writing #fic writing #buddie #soft and domestic #Buck is totally an Elton John fan in my mind #And he convinces Eddie to be one as well #The 118 just looks at them like it took you two long enough to get together #Step Into Christmas is totally one of my fave Christmas songs #Why yes- I do have an Elton John playlist

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diazactually · 4 years

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hey, could you come over?

Eddie was perfectly okay with ignoring and doing nothing about his feelings for his best friend, then Buck gets Christopher a modified skateboard.

(read it on AO3)

happy birthday, @buckleysbabe! 💖 💖 💖 i hope you like this!

It was getting close to seven pm and Eddie was driving over to Buck's place. That in itself definitely wouldn't be something out of the ordinary. However, what was out of the ordinary, was the message he got from Buck resulting in his visit. Christopher was at abuela's, he has been in a bad mood lately following the skateboard accident at school, quieter, dejected, which did not suit the joyful, bright little boy at all, and so abuela proposed teaching Christopher how to make enchiladas because the boy loved to help his bisabuela in the kitchen, and so Eddie said yes, of course he did. Which is why he was home alone sitting on the couch, not actually watching what was happening on the screen of the tv when he got the text from Buck.

Reaching his best friend's apartment, Eddie turns off the engine and takes his phone in his hand to reread Buck's message again.

(6:24 PM) Buck: Hey man, could you come over? (6:24 PM) Buck: There is something I'd like to show you (6:25 PM) Buck: If that's okay

See? Weird. The thing about him and Buck, is that since the very day they met, after Buck got over his little inferiority complex, that is, they were oddly comfortable in each others company. Normally, if Eddie comes over to Buck's place, or the other way around, which is to say it never starts with a direct invitation. It's always hey man, I just bought two packs of beer if you are in the mood for some or feel free to join in trying to contain an 8-year-old on a sugar high. The two of them always seem to be able to communicate without actually having to say what they want or need. Which is how Eddie found himself being introduced to Carla or Buck suddenly felt Eddie bumping his shoulder into his outside the operating room in the hospital, waiting for news about Chim after Maddie's kidnapping. That's just how they were, Eddie and Buck, Buck and Eddie, always knowing what the other needs and offering it without being asked. But, now? He has no idea why his best friend would ask him to come over like that, making it sound like Eddie was doing him a favor, sounding nervous of all things.

Eddie has an unsettling feeling in his stomach as he gets out of his car and starts walking towards the front door which he doesn't usually feel while in the company of Buck, not counting the way his body lights up when the other man looks at him with his mouth pulled into a teasing grin or stands just a bit closer than necessary, which, yeah, let's just ignore that.

He knocks on the door and waits for a few minutes, getting nervous by the second. He is wiping his sweating hands into his pants when the door finally opens and his best friend's face appears.

"Hi." He says.

"Eddie, hey." Buck breaths out as he opens the door wider, Eddie can actually see the nervous lines around his eyes now, which does not help him at all in trying to slow down the beating of his heart.

The two of them stands around awkwardly for a few moments, then Buck steps aside to let him inside. "Right, come on in."

Eddie walks into the apartment and for the first time, he doesn't make himself at home. He could almost say nothing changed since the last time he was over, if not for the conspicuous cleanliness. Buck wasn't usually a messy person, so it's not like his place being clean was weird in itself, but somehow the apartment seemed almost too clean. Not a single plate in the sink, no book on the coffee table, even his best friend's shoes were in strict order. Something was definitely going on.

"So..." He heard the man in question say from behind him, and he turned around to see him wringing his hands. "I asked you to come over."

"You did."

"There is something I want to show you."

"So you've said..." Eddie said and it almost sounded like a question with the way his was getting more and more confused by Buck's behavior. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes!" The other man said a bit louder than necessary, startling both of them. "I mean, yes. Yeah. Everything is great. It's just... I called you here because I did something."

... What?

"Nothing bad!" Buck said instantly, clearly taking in the suspicous expression on Eddie's face. "I mean, I hope. I did something but not like, like something illegal."

Eddie snorted. "Buck, just tell me." He said fondly, because how could he not. Somehow seeing Buck this nervous and having trouble voicing what he wants to say calmed him.

"Okay, so... you know how after Christopher's skateboard accident, we talked about how you didn't know how to have that conversation with him?" And there went Eddie's calmness. "Like what to actually tell him if he asks why can't he go skateboarding?"

It was no secret how much pain it caused Eddie to say no to Christopher when it came to doing mundane things his classmates did on a daily basis without a trouble, to deny him anything at all. That kid deserved everything good in life and more.

"Yeah." Eddie answered tensely.

"Now, after that conversation, I started thinking." Buck said and started to walk towards the stairs, facing Eddie while walking backwards. Eddie walked after him. "And thinking turned into furious googling," Eddie snorted, because that's just so Buck. "-and I found this article about this boy, João Vicente, who was born with CP, just like Chris and he was able to skateboard thanks to these guys who make these awesome skateboards, modified ones that allows disabled kids to experience what non-disabled kids can and just help them live a fuller life, you know." He said as he kept waving his hands around while explaining. "And I was thinking how Chris deserves this. He deserves to life life to the fullest, because he is amazing. He is so selfless and kind and smart and he has a heart of gold and he is the bravest person I've ever met. He- He deserves everything." Buck said softly as he looked up at him and by that point Eddie forgot how to breath. "Anyway, I contacted these two guys who developed these skateboards and asked them how long it would take for the skateboard to arrive." What? "And it arrived! Today!" Buck said excitedly and nervously at the same time as he turned around to motion his hands in a "ta-da" sort of way, revealing a skateboard equipped with frames and straps, trying to gauge Eddie's reaction.

... who was standing there frozen, unable to form any words, eyes burning, staring at his best friend and the modified skateboard. The skateboard that would allow his son to do something he never would have been able to otherwise. The one Buck got Christopher so he could experience what it was like to do the things he desperately wanted to with the other kids, so he would feel included and equal.

Before it even realised in him that he moved, Eddie was standing before Buck, reaching up to cradle his face in his hands and pulling him down, cutting off his stuttering. He distantly registered Buck taking in a startled breath and then he was closing the last bit of space between them, pressing his lips against Buck's. For a few seconds, that could have been minutes or even hours, everything was still and then Eddie started to move his lips gently over Buck's, pouring every single emotion into the action. Gratefulness, relief, joy, fondness, love.

And then Buck was kissing him back.

Their hands wandered, Buck's settling on his waist and squeezing, while one of Eddie's slowly sneaked its way into his best friend's hair, the other finding that secure place in the junction of Buck's neck and shoulder, thumb pressing into his pulse. They stayed like that as everything else faded into the background, the sound of the cars outside Buck's window, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the distant sound of the water dripping from the tap.

They slowly pull away to take a breath, pressing their foreheads together. Eddie pulls back while not letting go of Buck, never letting go.

"You are something else entirely, you know that?" He says fondly, looking into his best friend's eyes, no doubt presenting a hopeless case of heart-eyes, but it doesn't matter because Buck's face is the perfect reflection of his, soft lines and warmth. The other man raises his hand up to Eddie's jaw, cradling it as he tenderly swipes his thumb across his best friend's chin.

"Stay over?" Buck whispers into the air between them, pulling him closer against his chest, making him chuckle.

"As if I'd ever leave." Eddie says fondly.

Buck leans in to run the tip of his nose over Eddie's chin, tickling him with his breath as he says, "We could pick up Chris from your abuela's place in the morning before work and take him to school, then we could take him skateboarding the day after."

Eddie pulls back to press his lips to his best friend's again, smiling as he whispers, "Can't wait."

They would have to talk about this, about what they were to each other, but for now, it could wait. They already knew everything that mattered.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #buddie #911 #9-1-1 #911fox #911onfox #911 fic #9-1-1 fic #buddie fic #omggg first fic y'all

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croonerboy1965 · 4 years

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Home- Buddie Fic

Eddie arranged the rolls of shirts and pants, stuffing his suitcase as tightly as he could. He learned this military style of packing when he was in the armed forces, and now it was just habit.

After he had Christopher down for the night, he packed the last of their belongings, and prepared himself for bed. 5:30 in the morning came early, and they didn’t want to miss their flight.

Even though they had lived in Los Angeles for a while now, they had very few belongings. In the process of moving from place to place looking for a city with a large enough fire department, and good schools for Christopher, they had left things behind each time, until they paired it down to the most essential things.

Eddie slipped off his shirt and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He stood shirtless in the bathroom mirror and began brushing his teeth, when he heard a light tapping at the door.

He peered through the peep hole for a moment, unlocked and opened the door to reveal Buck standing there. Buck gave him a look up and down, taking in Eddie’s tight and muscular physique, clearing his throat before speaking.

“Hey!”, He said a little too enthusiastically. The sight of Eddie shirtless always made him a little overly excitable.

“Haigh”, Eddie muffled, foam trailing down his chin, as he continued to scrub his teeth.

“Hey… So… I know it’s kind of late…“, Buck said.

“Yeah.”, Eddie garbled with a mouthful of toothpaste. “One sheck…“

He spit into the sink.

“Yeah We’ve got an early flight tomorrow.”, Eddie said.

“Yeah so… That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Can I come in for a second?“, Buck leaned his way in, and Eddie took a step back. Buck, hands in his pockets, pushed past Eddie and turned to face him once inside.

“So – – you’re really going to Seattle, huh?”, Buck said, looking down at his feet, then sheepishly into Eddie’s eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about it, but the opportunity came up fast and I had to make a decision.“ Eddie said.

“It means a Captain’s position, and more money, and maybe even a nicer school for Christopher.“, Eddie said.

“That all sounds great.“ Buck said, sounding less than pleased.

“Yeah… I found a really nice place out there, lots of room for me and Christopher and maybe even a dog…“

“ …is there something you wanted to tell me?“, Eddie asked

“Don’t leave.”, Buck said

“It’s too late we already have tickets, everything is packed.”, Eddie said.

“No… That’s not what I meant.” , Buck said shaking his head.

Eddie cut him off. “Look... I know what you’re going to say, but after Shannon died, I’ve been having a really hard time… just I don’t know… Being in the city… In this city.“, Eddie said.

“Yeah I get that…it’s just—“, Buck tried to say.

“So I just felt like maybe it was time to start over again.“, Eddie continued.

“We’ll see each other. I’ll have you out to the new place. It’s actually not that far. We can still call each other and text, we can even FaceTime…“

“Yeah… I’ve heard all this before.”, Buck said disappointingly.

As Buck turned to leave, Eddie called after him. “Buck… Wait.”

Buck turned back to Eddie, and raised his voice in frustration. “You know, I understand what it feels like to live with a ghost. A ghost of somebody you loved. I know how hard it is every day, wishing you could be with the person you cared about so much. But you can’t let that get in the way of everything you built here. Everyone here who loves you.”, he said.

Eddie looked into Buck’s eyes and saw a kind of desperation there, as if Buck was holding something back.

“I know… I love everybody here too. You guys are like my family.”, Eddie said

“No! It’s more than that!” Buck said, almost shouting.

“You can’t leave…”, he said, pleading.

“I mean we’re moving away but and like I said, it’s not that far—”, Eddie said

“No! I mean me!”, Buck said cutting him off sharply. He lowered his voice and stared more intently into Eddie’s misty gaze. “You can’t leave me.”, he insisted, his voice breaking, tears welling in his eyes.

Before Eddie could speak, Buck grabbed him, pulling him into a tight embrace, kissing him squarely on the lips. Eddie fell into the lip-lock, his mind swirling, The sudden rush of emotion overcoming him like a wave.

He pulled back from the kiss for a moment. They stared into each other’s eyes, searching—each one looking at the other like an entirely new person they never realized was there before.

Then Buck turned on his heels and left as fast as he could. He was out the door gone as Eddie called after him, “Buck wait!”, but he was off into the night.

The next morning Eddie and Christopher arrived in a cab at the airport, and proceeded to go through check-in. The whole time, Eddie could not stop thinking about Buck. Stubborn, impulsive, soft-hearted and sometimes overly emotional Buck. His lost little puppy dog look, that he gives whenever he has made a mistake or disappointed Eddie, or anyone really. The way he smiles and lights up the room whenever he sees Eddie, and especially Christopher. He didn’t think anyone could love Christopher more than he could, but he was pretty sure Buck could out-love almost anyone, except maybe Christopher himself. It was then that he realized, how much he loved Buck.

Up on the roof, he meant what he said, but maybe it meant just a little bit more. Maybe— just maybe, this one fact, was enough. For the first time ever, he considered that he might have been running all along, away from the one thing, the one person he should have been running toward.

As the plane began to board, Eddie and Christopher were called up first, as disabled passengers pre-board. Christopher hopped up and started to amble toward the gate, when Eddie stopped him in mid-stride. He knelt down in front of his son and looked him in the eye and said, “Hey buddy, hold on a second.”

“What’s up, Dad?”, Christopher asked.

“I wanted to ask you something…”, He looked down and tried to gather his thoughts.

“How would you feel, if we stayed here, and umm didn’t go to Seattle.”, he asked.

Christopher smiled and looked into Eddie’s eyes reassuring him.

“That sounds good Dad.”, he said.

“Okay…One more thing… So…I wanted to ask you about Buck…”

“Buck!”, Christopher said, grinning wide.

“Yeah—about Buck…”, Eddie said.

“No! Dad, Look!”, Christopher exclaimed as he pointed over Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie turned and saw Buck coming toward him at a clip that almost broke into a full on run.

Maddie was not far behind him.

“Eddie!”, Buck exclaimed, “Wait!”, but Eddie was frozen in place. He wasn’t going anywhere even if he could have. Buck reached Eddie and began to speak between exasperated breaths.

“I needed to tell you something…”, Buck said.

“If it’s about last night, then don’t even worry about it. It doesn’t matter.”, Eddie said.

“What do you mean?”, Buck said, concerned he might have come all this way for nothing.

“I mean—I don’t mean—“, Eddie stammered.

Buck looked so disappointed. And then, a look of restrained anger crossed his face, as he tried to sort out his feelings.

“Tell me!” Buck demanded.

“Ok.. “ Eddie said as firmly and calmly as he could. Eddie placed a hand on Buck’s shoulder. This reassuring touch always put Buck at ease. Eddie had a way with his tone that was so loving, so parental. It always made Buck feel safe.

Eddie began to speak in earnest. Buck listened intently, as he looked into the steady gaze of Eddie’s eyes. They had the look and the warmth of a sip of aged whisky, and were almost as sweet as the words Buck heard from Eddie’s lips.

“You know, I can stay here, or move to Seattle, or halfway around the world. But anywhere I go—it won’t feel like a home without you. You...ARE my home.”, Eddie said.

I’ve been holding on to this for a while now. I wanted to give it to you before.”, Eddie continued. He looked down at his ring finger.

“It’s my old wedding band. I know it’s not much, but it represents a promise. A promise unfulfilled between me and Shannon. I kept it because it represents my love. The love I had for her. And you are the only person I can think of who deserves that love more. The only person I love more than her, and after Christopher, the only man I ever loved.

You give so much. You risk your life every day for strangers, and you defend and love my son like he’s your own. You have saved both our lives more times than you know. And you smile through every single bad thing in front of you. And even when you thought you had nothing left to give, you chose us before yourself.

All I want to do is spend every single day trying to be even half as selfless...half as brave. You make me more than I ever thought I could be. You showed me how to love again, after so much loss. You gave me back to myself. At first, I felt scared and embarrassed by my feelings for you. But when I thought I might lose you up on that roof? I knew it didn’t matter. Because nothing scares me more than the thought I might lose you. I don’t care if some people don’t understand. I know you. I trust you. I need you. And I don’t want to spend another second being ashamed or afraid. I love you, and I hope I’m right, in thinking you love me too…”

“So…”, He continued, pulling the ring from his finger and getting down on one knee, taking Buck’s hand in his own. He was shaking as he looked up into Buck’s eyes, praying he saw agreement there. He offered the ring up, his eyes wet.

“Evan Buckley, will you do me the great honor of marrying me?”, he said as he saw a look of consternation come across Buck’s face. Eddie’s face fell into disappointment, and he thought he should just stand back up.

“Buck, say yes!”, Christopher said. This made Buck laugh nervously. He gave Christopher a smile that was part loving and part heartbreak. He glanced up at Maddie, and she gave him a look that said, ‘Come on already!’. He put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, stopping him from rising to his feet.

To Eddie’s surprise, Buck also got down on one knee. He removed a ring box from his own pocket. He turned it slowly over in his hands, before meeting Eddie’s gaze, which had brightened considerably. The look was quizzical, but also relived.

“So…I have been carrying this thing around for a while now.”, Buck looked up at Eddie, and saw his eyes filled with tears.

Christopher looked up at Maddie and she gave him a reassuring squeeze from behind.

“It’s ok buddy.”, she smiled down at him. She whispered, “Just watch.”

Buck began again. “So— I am not as good with words as you are, but here it goes…

All my life, I struggled to find somewhere I belonged. I went from job to job, girl to girl, searching for something or someone to hold on to. But no matter where I went, or who I latched onto, it just never took.”, Buck’s voice quavered as he said, “And then—and then I met you.”

Eddie was in a full weep now, and he wiped tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand.

This made tears roll down Buck’s cheeks as well, but he let them fall and continued, opening the ring box as he did so.

“I was going to return this ring I bought for Abby, but then I thought I might have it reset into a different band. I figured I could wear it to help keep women away.”, Buck laughed to himself.

“ I decided I would just tell them I was already married so… then I wouldn’t have to risk getting hurt…but it didn’t work.”, he said, exhaling.

Eddie put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and fought back the urge to pull Buck into him and right on to the floor in a bear hug.

“Anyway—after the whole thing on that rooftop, when I realized how wrong I was, and how badly I wanted to live. I also realized why. It’s you Eddie. It’s always been you. From the minute you came into my life, I have wanted nothing else. He continued, his voice breaking. Back when I was Buck 1.0, I slept around, trying to cover up my feelings, hiding who I was. And you made me realize that I could love all day long, but it was never going to matter until I decided to love myself. You gave me that Eddie, You made me see myself as worthy of love. It’s just like you said—“you gave me back to myself.” And for the first time in my life, I feel complete. A wise man, once told me, ‘You don’t find a great love like this...You make it.’ And I can’t think of another person on this earth, I would rather spend my life making a love like that with. I was only hoping maybe, after everything, you might feel the same way I do…”

Eddie cut him off and pulled him into a kiss, that almost toppled them both over.

“I do.”, He said earnestly, as he pulled his mouth away, their foreheads keeping contact.

“So…You do?!”, Buck said, smiling through tears, relieved. He could not remember the last time he was this happy.

Buck turned to Maddie and Christopher and said gleefully, almost shouting, “HE DOES!”

Maddie rolled her eyes. “Duh!” She said.

Both men stood up to full height and wrapped their arms around each other in a long rocking embrace, kissing one another between squeezes. Christopher squealed in delight as they rushed to him, and swept him up in to their arms, and kissed his face all over until the giggles bubbled out of him. In the rush of emotion, they had forgotten all about the rings.

“The rings!”, Maddie piped up in mid embrace with all three of her favorite boys.

Buck ran over and scooped them up off the floor, where they had been dropped. He handed the one meant for him, over to Eddie, looked at him and Maddie saying, “It’s too bad the rest of the crew couldn’t be here to see this.”, Buck said, sounding a little disappointed.

“Let me see what I can do about that.”, Maddie said. She turned and faced the rest of the onlookers in the gate’s waiting area, which Eddie had realized up til now he had not even noticed, as Maddie stuck her fingers in her mouth and gave a whistle.

“Guys! You’re up!”, she shouted.

Eddie looked and saw several people drop what they were reading. Some were in wide brim hats, some had collars turned up. It took him a second before he realized everyone was already here. One by one, the crew all stood up. Abuela stood up. They all clapped and cheered. Eddie turned to Buck who was giving him one of his signature mischievous grins.

“You did this?”, Eddie said.

“WE did.”, Maddie said, hugging her brother around the waist. “Buck knocked on my door last night, and he was pretty shook up and more excited then I think I have ever seen him. We had a long talk and— well the rest is history.”, she said.

“Last call for flight 247 to Seattle now boarding.”, the overhead PA system chimed in.

“We better get to it then, huh?”, Eddie said.

It hit Buck all at once. Eddie was leaving. His mind raced as he spat out the words: “Marry Me!”

“I already said—“, Eddie began.

“No, I mean right here. Right now.”, Buck insisted.

“Right here?”, Eddie said, in a quizzical tone.

“Yes.”, Buck said emphatically. He was not going to let another person he loved, leave him behind. This time, he was going to seal the deal. This one was not getting away. Eddie turned to Christopher to get his approval.

“What do you think buddy?”, he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Definitely, YES!”, Christopher said, more certainly than Eddie had ever heard him sound before—“Do it Dads!”, he ordered, making everyone smile and laugh to themselves.

Eddie shrugged and said: “OK! But how do we do this?”

“Funny you should ask…”, Maddie interjected again. But it just so happens, it is really easy to become legally ordained on the internet. She pulled a printed, sheet of paper from her jacket pocket and un folded it.

“This little piece of paper right here, gives me the right to marry you in the state of California.”, she said with pride as she fluttered her eyes at Eddie.

Eddie looked at Buck, who again was grinning from ear to ear, with a look of wonder on his face. He didn’t know what to say. Buck shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well— I figured I’d take a shot. I know it’s really fast and we can wait…I can come out to Seattle with you, whatever.”

He glanced over to the gate attendant and waved them on. He watched as they closed the gate.

“Bah, I’ll take a different flight.”, Eddie said.

Buck kissed him and looked around at all his friends.

“Save some for the honeymoon guys!”, Chim teased, to which Hen elbowed him and gave him a dour look.

“Don’t yuk their yum.”, she scolded.

“It was a joke!”, he said, making Maddie roll her eyes.

“Ahem,” she cleared her throat.

“So do you Evan Buckley—“, she began, before Eddie interrupted.

“Wait, what about vows??”, he said.

“Well I don’t know about you all, but those proposals—sounded like pretty good vows to me.”, Athena said to the group. Everyone nodded in agreement. “Now let’s get on to the good part.”, she prodded. “I think you boys have waited long enough.”, she said.

“So!”, Maddie said, picking up where she left off.

“Do you Evan Buckley take this man, Eddie Diaz, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”, she asked.

Buck could Barely contain him self as he slipped the ring on Eddie’s finger. His hands shook so much that Eddie had to guide Buck’s hand. He nodded, to Buck as the ring slipped into place, encouraging him to go on.

“I do. I definitely, definitely do!”, he said almost too loudly. He thought he might pass out from sheer joy.

Maddie went on, “And do you, Eddie Diaz, take Evan—uhh—Buck, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”, she asked.

“Hell yes, I do.”, Eddie said. He thought he might never stop smiling or crying.

Abuela coughed, and Eddie looked over at her and down at Christopher, in shame.

“I mean. HECK YEAH, I DO!”, Eddie said as he placed the ring on Buck’s finger.

Christopher looked up at his 2 dads and giggled, grinning.

“KISS!” he yelled, causing another ripple of laughs from the crowd.

Maddie held up a hand. “Almost…”, she said.

“Then by the power invested in me by the Church of the Internet and the City of Los Angeles, I now pronounce you, married.”

She turned to face the crowd of onlookers, family and friends.

“Everyone—I give you, Mister and Mister Diaz-Buckley!”, she announced.

Eddie tapped her on the shoulder and whispered in her ear.

Maddie leaned in, listening, as Buck gave Eddie a questioning look.

“CORRECTION,” she announced. “I give you Mr. and Mr, BUCKLEY-Diaz!”

Eddie smiled and winked at Evan. Buck looked like he might cry again.

“Aww, you remembered.”, Buck said.

“Of course I did”, Eddie said, “You don’t think I know my own husband?”

“You may now Kiss… Uh AGAIN!”, Maddie said.

“YEAH!”, Christopher cheered raising a fist into the air.

And with that, Eddie and Buck brought their lips together in a full on, out in the open, right there in front of the whole world kiss.

Everyone watching brought out a popper, and cracked them open, pulling on the strings and releasing confetti and streamers in to the air.

After the ruckus settled down, Bobby spoke.

“Well it’s a good thing this all worked out, because there is a reception and open bar for anyone who would like to come by our place and celebrate the newlyweds.”, Bobby said, slipping his arm around Athena’s waist.

Athena looked up at Bobby like he was crazy.

“What did you do?!”, she said.

“Don’t worry about it… I had a little help.”, he said shrugging his shoulder in the direction of Josh and Micheal. Athena glared over at them.

“What can I say? I love to throw a party!”, Josh said, trying to assuage her.

“As long as you all help clean up, I suppose it’s fine.”, Athena conceded, looking back at Bobby and the kids.

“Don’t worry, we will.”, they said in unison.

“MMMhmm…”, she said holding back a smile.

The reception was lovely. The house and yard was awash with white lights strung everywhere, there were fresh flowers and balloons and even some gifts. A wedding cake that looked just like the 118 firehouse, with two little firefighters on top. They even remembered to paint in Bucks red hair and birthmarks.

“Looks just like you.”, Eddie said.

“Actually, I am a little taller.”, Buck said.

There was even room for a makeshift dance floor. Hen volunteered to be DJ and Karaoke Master of Ceremonies, and Chim and Karen, greeted guests and helped serve drinks. It was perfect.

Hen took the microphone and announced, “Ladies, Gentleman, and Gender Fluid guests…May I present to you the Happy couple, and there fist dance.”

Buck took Eddie’s arm into the crook of his own and led him to the dance floor.

The music began. And the held one another so close, Buck could feel Eddie’s gentle breath on his neck, as he lay his hear on buck’s shoulder, his eyes closed. He was lost in the moment. In a place where only the two of them existed. Swaying back and forth, back and forth, drunk on champagne and true love. The music washed over them and Eddie could hear Buck’s heart beating softly in time with his own. Buck, eyes closed, gently lead them round and round, finally feeling at peace and at home.

I hear a song,

Drifting on the horizon

The melody is so sweet, so sweet

Who composed the tune?

It lifts my heart higher

I sit down to retire

And hear what it has to say

Love is here,

I don't wanna lose it no

The tune it was so inspiring,

It kept my body rising,

Absorption taking place

The melody so lovely,

The tune it was so subtle

The world's a wonderful place

I see him now,

The clouds begin to disperse

To reveal a wonderful presence,

A presence full of love

He is so lovely,

Standing there looking after me

Seeing just how I feel,

The presence of love itself

Love is here,

I don't wanna lose it no

The tune it was so inspiring,

It kept my body rising,

Absorption taking place

The melody so lovely,

The tune it was so subtle

The world's a wonderful place

Dum, dum dum, duh duh dum….

Love is here,

I don't wanna lose it no

The tune it was so inspiring,

It kept my body rising,

Absorption taking place

The melody so lovely,

The tune it was so… subtle

The world's a wonderful place

Love is here

Love…is… here.

#9-1-1 #buddie #gaylove #gay wedding

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chrrlees · 4 years

Text

Best Friend With Benefits?

My Third Buddie Fic for my 55 Followers, but damn when I finished this. I already have 75 followers. Thank you. All of you for supporting me.

It's supposed to be, just hook up, friends with benefits. They were helping each other blow off some steam. No string attached, no feeling attached. It should be that easy except, he does have feelings for Eddie. Why does he always have feelings for someone he shouldn't. He fell so hard on Eddie, but Eddie didn't like him 'like him' or does he?

That's the reason why he's here, sitting on the park bench at 4 AM. Listening to sad playlist songs that he heard when he got his heartbroken, never thought that he would play those kinds of songs again.

"Young people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes."

"Some mistakes get made."

"That's alright, that's okay."

"You can think that you're in love."

"When you're really just in pain."

He nods slowly agreeing with the lyric, realising his mistakes.

The song keeps playing in his AirPods. Tears on his eyes that waiting to fall to the ground stream down rapidly. He's alone, sobbing at the park holding his voice with his palm on his lips.

There's blue light shining around, he groans under his sobs. Removing his Airpods and put it in his pocket, he follows the order, hands out in the air, stands and spins his body facing the Sargent, maybe it's not so bad after all. When his eyes meet Athena's, he starts to cry again, hiding his face with his hand. Athena runs toward him and pulls the boy in her embrace.

She doesn't know why Buck is crying in the middle of the night in the park, but whatever it is it must be wrong. She pulls back to take a look at the boy, and she wipes the tears with both of her thumbs full of care.

"Buck, what happened?" she asks with her motherly voice, it's soft and comforting. He takes deep breaths to calm himself down. "Here, sit" he didn't fight like he always likes to do.

After a few more deep breaths, he looks at Athena. Her face is full of concern and Buck doesn't like she does that.

"I-I think I'm in love with him, but he doesn't even like me," he says looking away, ashamed of what he just tell her.

"Who -"

"Eddie" he never answer a question this fast before. He just wants it out.

"How could you be so sure?" she knows that this two is dancing around, sure enough, Eddie loves him too.

"God, I'm such a mess," he says, running his hand through his hair.

"Buck, hey, Comeon don't say that." she tries to comfort Buck by making a small circle on the boy back.

"we …" Athena looks at ,Buck waiting for the explanation. "Hmmm?" she encourages him.

"We hook up…" Buck says, looking down at his shoes. Athena shock for a moment didn't expect that coming. She takes his hand and squeezes it.

"Then what's the problem?" she asks with her motherly tone

"It's not a problem at first. I thought we have something more and not a one-time thing," Athena close her eyes, pulling her face back. Sort of disbelief with what she just hear.

"How long?" she asks, short but sharp.

"Three months maybe? I don't know." shaking his head with the hand on his forehead.

"He said to me the next morning we can keep doing this, like friends with benefit. No string attache, no feeling attache." tears falling again from his face

"But you love him, even before this happened right?" she squeezes his hand back, giving him comfort with her another hand on his shoulder. Buck just shakes his head, denying the bitter truth.

"Oh Buckaroo, come here" she hugs him patting his back.

When they break apart, Buck immediately wipes his tears. Athena lock the eye contact with him,

"Talk to him about your feelings, it's better. Trust me. If he feels the same, lucky you. If not, well, you know you have us." she says patting his back, he just nods.

"Let's get you home,” Athena says after a moment.

I'm not letting you walk, not when you like this," she guests her arm around Buck.

----------------------------

When Buck gets into his apartment, he keeps thinking about it. Should he stop this? If he finishes this here, this might be the end of Eddie and him. And if he continues doing this, he'll get hurt at the end too. Buck grunts and the situation, opening the fridge to get water.

"Buck, where have you've been? I'm so worried. Are you okay?" The voice came from the living room.

"Jesus, Eddie!" he says almost screaming, turning his face to see the man, there's hurt, scares and worries on his face.

"I-I went for runs, I can't sleep. Sorry." Buck answers the question, his voice still sounds a little bit hoarse.

"I was about to call Maddie, and Cap, you know. Why didn't you answer your phone?!" Concerns and angry in the older man voice.

"I must put my phone on silences mode," Buck says and pull his phone out, there's 50 miss called and a bunch of texts from Eddie. He looks at the clock, 5.45 AM.

"God. Buck, please don't do that again." Eddie says, running his fingers through his hair.

"I wake up with an empty bed, and you're not here. I freak out that I hurt you or something that makes you leave your own apartment." Eddie says, standing still next to the ladder. Buck huff at him, Eddie snaps his head, giving Buck a disbelief and questioning look.

"You're the one who told me there's no feeling attached in this. Why do you care so much now?" Shaking his head.

"I'm your best friend, of course, I would be worried," Eddie says with frowns, not understanding why Buck being like this.

"Best friends don't just sleep with each other, Diaz." Buck chuckle dryly

Eddie must have offended, his palm curls into a fist. He walks into the living room taking his jacket, phone and key.

"Eddie.." Buck realise that he mess up and Eddie is leaving.

"You know what Buck. Just let this go."

"Eddie wait," Buck grabs Eddie's wrist. Eddie looks at him, there are tears in his eyes. Eddie put his hand on Bucks.

"Let go of me, Buck." It's clear that he didn't want to stay anymore, just like that, he loses the grip "I'm sorry" he said. Eddie storm out from his apartment living him crying on the floor.

---------------------------------

Its 8 AM, Buck can't sleep at all after Eddie left. He's staring at the window of the apartment thinking about what has he's done. His phone ringing brought him back to reality. He picks it up without looking at the caller ID.

"Hey, Bucky." Christopher voice crack at the end of line

"He-hey, Buddy. What's wrong? Where's your dad? Why you sound sad?" Buck rapidly ask questions, something wrong. Christopher never calls him without Eddie knowing it and be there with him.

"Buck, please come over. Daddy been crying from this morning, he said he's fine, but he's not." Christopher voice almost breaks like he's been crying all day. It breaks Buck heart to hear that voice like that.

"What?! Okay, um. I'm on my way, okay?" Buck reassure the boy. He didn't remember taking his key and jacket when he ends the phone call, he already at the door ready to go.

He knocks at the door, waiting patiently for Eddie to open the door. He didn't want to use his key, giving Eddie every space he wants. The door swings open, revealing the man. Eyes still red and wet, proof that he been crying for hours non-stop, broken and messy. Just like him. If it's in normal circumstance, Buck probably will laugh at Eddie whos wearing his LAFD sweatshirt.

"What are-" Eddie didn't finish cut by Buck.

"I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to fight my feeling. I don't want to fight you.." He begs.

"I am so tired and… and sad and sick of being scared. And I-I just want to feel and to be in a safe place. And I don't know why or how, and I-I can't explain it, but you're the safest place I have." he shakes his head trying to hold his tears

"And everything would be okay for the first time in a really long time if you would just start kissing me now because I love you. And I don't want to be alo-"

Eddie pulls Buck into a long kiss. It's not fireworks or anything, but he gets what he wants to feel. Safe, love and care for his life. They break apart to catch a breath.

"I love you too," Eddie says, small laugh escape from Buck

"Yeah?"

"yeah," Eddie confirm it with one more kiss.

"Does this mean Buck will live with us now, Dad?" Christoper ask with grins on his face

"That depends on Buck Buddy."

"Bucky, move in with us. You always here anyway, I-I don't want you to leave every night you came by." Christopher asks, looking at Buck and his Dad. Buck nods rapidly.

"Is that a yes?" Eddie ask

"Yes, of course, you dork! I'd love that." Christoper cheers, jumping forward and Buck catches him. Hugging the kid, Eddie decides to join by his side. He's so happy now that he didn't want the moment to end.

Note: English is My third language, If any mistake. Forgive me.

Thanks @lamalefix for chatting and giving me inspiration to finish this!

Tags: @justsmilestuffhappens @lamalefix @comablog2 @lilywoood @cherishingstydia @chitownwolf @felicitous-one @stellarstacey @axton-blogs @maguenezumi @datleggy @badbitchjackson @diazbuckleysworld @dailybuddie @zeethebooknerd @adamngoodbuck

#buddie #buddie prompt #911onfox #tv: 911 #911 fox #911 prompts #911 fanfic #evan buckley and eddie diaz #evanbuckly #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #buck buckley #buck and eddie #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #christopher diaz #buck and christopher #Eddie and Christopher

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