#it’s hard not to feel guilty for all the time i spent wishing i wasnt alive

[beepilot]

posting on here at 3am is the closest i can get to yelling at the moon

#things are so unbelievably good with my life i don’t know what to do #im graduating college this week!! #i never thought i would have quit smoking for so long!! #im in a relationship so loving and wonderful i never could have imagined it #i just want to scream #i love u world!! #it’s hard not to feel guilty for all the time i spent wishing i wasnt alive #but im trying!!! and that’s enough for me right now #i just need to get through finals this week fuuuck #but I think im gonna get all a’s this quarter #i worked my ass off #!!

[messrmoonyy]

same anon here that asked for the remus returning thing, sorry for the confusion i meant like after he gets back but they aren’t back together yet and there are those few days we’re dora is kinda cold and distant just to protect herself and remus is doing whatever he can :)

My girl Dora ain’t no doormat, no way was she letting him get away with treating her like that and just forgive him immediately. Remus did some grovelling for sure.

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: none

You can find all my other writing on my masterlist and remember my ask box is always open, I love any and all requests so please do send them my way!

Tonks woke up to the sound of quiet clattering, a scent of sausages and bacon and eggs. Fresh pastries and pumpkin juice. She opened one eye but the bedroom door was closed still, the other side of the bed as cold as it had been for the last month and a half. Ever since Remus had returned to her he’d been sleeping on the sofa, still trying to even come to terms with being able to look at him in the eye. Never mind sleep beside him. She had said she’d sleep on the sofa at first. It was his home after all, who was she to make him sleep on the sofa in his own home? But he’d insisted she take the bed.

She had deliberated moving to her parents. She knew that would be the eventual outcome anyway, they weren’t exactly in the position for her to just waltz into st Mungos to give birth. But the thought of staying with her mother fussing for longer than necessary wasnt all that appealing. So she had stayed put and waited for Remus. And now he was on the sofa until she finally shifted the last of her hurt.

She still loved him, of course she did. But she couldn’t shake the purely painful feeling of betrayal. He had come back so she guessed she should have been relieved. But it was the fact that he had ran in the first place. The fight had been bitter, his words stinging her like acid, biting at her, beating her down until she felt completely worthless. She’d never heard him say such things. She didn’t know he had it in him. He’d always been such a gentle soul, she’d only heard him raise his voice once or twice. But everyone has a breaking point, everyone snaps. And he had. At her.

She’d never known he could muster words so cruel. Didn’t know his usually gentle face could twist into such hatred. Didn’t know he could look at as if he could barely stand to be within ten feet of her, when he so often only looked at her with adoration.

He’d come back quite literally begging for her forgiveness, down on his knees and finding every and any word he could to try and prove how sorry he was. She had let him back because she loved him. Because she was carrying their child. But she hadn’t forgiven him. And she wasn’t about to anytime soon she guessed. No matter how hard he was trying to win her back around.

He kept leaving her gifts, there was a constant supply of fresh flowers for her every morning. She had ignored them at first, leaving them on the kitchen counter to wilt and die. He’d started placing them in a vase now. Sometimes it was breakfast- like it seemed to be that morning from the smell. Fresh pastries on the pillow when she went to bed, chocolate frogs in her sock drawer, copies of the quibbler because she liked the comic pages, the list was never ending. She couldn’t lie that she liked his grovelling, it was really the least he could do after all he’d said to her. And she felt she deserved to have him pay for what he’d done.

She sat up in bed and sighed to herself, glancing over at the small box beside the bed that held her wedding ring. She’d thrown it in his face the night he’d left her, it landing somewhere at their feet in the front garden. She’d not even been sure on where it had landed. It had appeared on her pillow a few days after Remus had come back and she wondered if he’d actually taken it with him when he ran. Or if he’d just searched for it when he returned. She’d shoved it in the box and not touched it since. She wished she could’ve gone back to the wedding day. He’d been so happy. She’d been so happy. Her mother would’ve hated the wedding, but that had made almost a little more enjoyable. It wasn’t even the slightest part traditional.

A tiny church in what felt like the coldest part of Scotland going. Some strangers they’d met a few hours before in a local pub as witnesses, no big crowds of guests. No fancy white dress. She’d worn her boots and the nicest dress she could find in her wardrobe back home. Her bouquet had been some flowers nicked from someone’s front garden, one of which she’d pinned to Remus. It wasn’t perfect in anyone else’s eyes, but it was to her. To him. They’d shared their own vows, been bound together by magic and love and hope. They’d danced all night, stayed up until the sun rose sat up on a cliff over looking the sea. And of course the stumbled walk back to their B&B over the pub, the event that had inevitably created the tiny person residing inside her now. And that was that.

But the Remus that had shouted at her, told her that they had no choice but to her rid of the abomination they had created… that didn’t feel like the Remus she had married. She didn’t recognise that man. That wasn’t her Remus. That wasn’t the man she loved, had married, had given up everything for. He was a stranger to her.

She got dressed then, not wanting to fall into the hole of longing for Remus again and put herself in a bad mood, before leaving the bedroom. Remus was stood in the kitchen and smiling at her as she opened the bedroom door. The bedroom was the only place in the house that offered her privacy, the rest being tiny and open plan. She spent most of her time in there just lately and thankfully for her, he often left her to it. The bedroom being almost out of bounds to him. He hadn’t stepped foot in there since coming back.

“ good morning Dora “ he greeted quietly and she shook her head at him, raising a hand and pointing at his face.

“ no. I told you already. You don’t get to call me that now “ he looked down at the floor for a moment and nodded. He looked like a kicked puppy but she told herself she didn’t care. He deserved to hurt like she had. He did.

“ right. I’m sorry. Tonks “ he cleared his throat awkwardly and gestured to the table “ I. I have breakfast for you. I have to nip out to the Weasleys for a while but there’s more food in the fridge for you if that isn’t to your liking “ she sniffed and turned her head away from the table. She didn’t know why but his kindness just made her mad. Like a switch flicked inside of her.

“ and you’ll return this time? Or planning another week away? “ he sighed and ran a hand through his hair “ need another chat with Harry so you? Listen to a child’s advice but not your own wife right? “

“ Dora ple- “

“ no! “ she hadn’t completely intended to shout but she had. She closed her eyes, balling her hair into fists and tried to get rid of her sudden lack of calm. She could feel angry tears burning behind her eyelids and she blamed her messed up hormones. She refused to cry in front of him again. Refused to show the hurt he was still causing her weeks after her left “ just. Just go the Weasleys. Go on “ he hesitated for a moment and gave a small nod.

He knew better than to argue with her now. Knew it would get him no where.

“ just. Please make sure you eat something. It’s not good for the b- “

“ don’t stand there and pretend you care “ she snapped “ don’t “

“ Tonks I do. I do care I have apologised I don’t know what else I- “

“ if you cared you wouldn’t have left “ there was silence then. So quiet it was almost painful. But she felt like twisting the knife, plunging it deeper and drawing out as much agony as she could. She wanted him to hurt like she had, to feel the pieces of his heart shatter inside his chest, splinter his lungs so it felt as though no air could reach him. Make him feel how she had “ I am only here because unfortunately for me. You are the father of my baby. I don’t care how much you apologise. I will never forgive you Remus Lupin. Never “

The words burnt her own throat as she spoke them, and regret seeped into her chest. But she stayed firm. Refused to cry. Refused to feel guilty. He deserved it.

She had clearly struck a nerve. His eyes swam with pain, his hands hanging limply at his side. Defeated. Hurt. She’d won that round.

“ I don’t know how many time I can apologise “ he said weakly “ I know it’ll never come close to repairing what I did but- “

“ please. Just go to the Weasleys “ she said with a sigh and turned away from him as her tears finally fell. She didn’t want him to see. She closed her eyes. gripping onto the kitchen counter so her knuckles turned white. She heard movement behind her and the front door opening.

“ please make sure you eat “ he said softly before the front door closed and she dropped down to her knees, letting her tears run freely. Her body wracked with sobs

————————-

When Remus had been on the sofa for 2 months, and Tonks was finally starting to pass the phase of just looking a little fat, to actually looking pregnant, nearing her 4th month. She had started to become a little more forgiving. She had started to sit with him at breakfast again, didn’t shut down every single conversation he tried to start with her, sat beside him when he read by the fire in the evenings. Though she always left a fair space between them.

She found she’d started to miss him greatly. Trying to deal with how much her body was changing on her own wasn’t exactly the most fun thing. Remus was still piling her with as much affection as he could, even though she still wasn’t particularly receptive to it. But she had to admire his determination.

“ Nymphadora. I was wondering if I could have a word “ she turned to face him as she toed off her boots, having only just gotten home from a trip to see her parents “ please. If you would “ she hung up her jacket and nodded, walking over to him as he gestured towards the table where a small yellow gift bag was sat.

She sat down at the small table, it had an old copy of the prophet folded up under one leg to stop it from wobbling, but it still moved slightly when she picked up the gift bag.

“ you can’t buy my forgiveness “ she stated, not looking inside the bag “ I told you that already Remus. I can’t be bought “ he gave a small nod, clasping his hands tighter.

“ yes. I know. I do. Just- please “ he nodded towards the bag and she hesitated but sighed before pulling at the ribbon and pulling out the tissue paper. She froze when her figures fell upon a soft cotton and she realised what was in the bag. She pulled it out, dropping the bag to the floor “ I wasn’t- I wasn’t sure on the size or- it’s like Hufflepuff, you see? Of course I couldn’t get an official one. It was a muggle shop and I had to be quite quick I didn’t want to risk anything. I mean I had options of course but- “

“ Remus “ she cut him off. It was a babygrow. It was a pastel green with a badger embroidered on the chest. It was the first piece of clothing their child had. She hadn’t exactly had the best of opportunities to go shopping down Diagon alley for some herself.

“ Dora “ he tried her nickname again for the first time in weeks and this time she didn’t chastise him for it “ I know I’ll never be able to take back what I said. But as I told you when I returned. I had time to think. And these past months I’ve been thinking too “ he reached out gingerly for her hand and when she didn’t pull away he gently took it in both of his “ all I ever wanted was a normal life. A normal family. And now… now I have that chance. With the woman I love and. And our child “

“ and what if he’s not… ‘ Normal ‘. If he’s different. I’d hes half werewolf. Or full. Or. In between “ she was getting a little tense with her words again and she tried her best to remain calm. She was finally getting a truthful and meaningful opinion from Remus on the matter. She should be thankful for that. Even with the betrayal still poking the back of her mind occasionally.

“ then I’ll love him all the same. He’ll be could be born with four legs and 5 arms, two heads. No magic at all. I’d still love him. Because we made him Nymphadora. You and I. And I…. I never thought I’d get that. I never believed I’d be a father. A husband. Now I have that opportunity and I see how much of a fool I was to try and throw that away “ he squeezed her hand gently, his thumb rubbing circles over her knuckles in a soothing way. She knew him well enough to know when he was lying to her. And he wasn’t now.

“ let’s deal with the possible moon situation before we worry about any extra limbs shall we? “ she said with a small smile and watched as he seemed to relax every muscle in his body, his worries that she wouldn’t accept his apologies slipping away “ I won’t forgot what you said to me. And to him “ she placed her free hand on her stomach as she spoke “ but you’re his dad. Nothing is going to change that. And the world really fucked up right now. Like. Really. And so we have to protect him. Love him more than we can even think about “ Remus nodded.

She refused to let the world ruin her baby, refused to let him be warped into a life of terror and fear. Of feeling outcast and alone like his father had. Remus stood up then and knelt down in front of her.

“ I love you Nymphadora. And I love him… or her “ she smiled slightly as he placed a gentle hand over hers that was still cradling her bump. Remus’ acceptance suddenly made it feel all the more real. In just 4 months they’d have a baby. A real one. Screaming and crying and laughing. A most innocent thing born into a world on the brink of disaster. And somehow her and Remus had to keep him safe. And kind. And loved. They weren’t exactly the most functional of couples so it was no doubt that their family wouldn’t be either. But they’d make it work. They would.

Werewolf or not.

—————————————-

It was another week after that that she finally caved. The talk had most definitely been the turning point. And she’d kissed him again that evening for the first time in months. Was actually letting him touch her again without recoiling. Though he was still on the sofa.

Though December had well and truly arrived. The cold weather setting her into an almost constant chill, the old cottage not offering much in terms insulation. And she missed having him wrapped around her. He was always warm. And didn’t complain when her cold hands found there way under his shirt in the night to warm up. She also just missed him. Just him. Her Remus. The man she’d fallen in love with. She wanted him back beside her, his slow breaths on her neck in the night, his legs tangled with hers. Even the way his facial hair scratched at her when they kissed. She just missed him.

So it was almost no surprise to her when she found herself slipping out of bed, the coldness of the stone floor seeping through her socks and chilling her already numb feet some more. She opened the bedroom door slowly to see if he was awake or not.

He was in the armchair, a book on his lap. Clearly having not planned to sleep there, he’d have a sore neck in the morning that was for certain. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and silently walked over to him. The fire was crackling in the hearth, immediately warming her up. She moved the book careful not to lose his page, before climbing into his lap in its place. She wrapped the blanket around them, bring her legs up and resting her head on his chest. One more month gone and she didn’t think she’d be able to manage that. She wasn’t the tallest or biggest of people. So her bump was still pretty small. But she loved it all the same.

Remus stirred slightly and made a small noise of confusion to wake up and find Dora on his lap. He opened his eyes fully, his eyelids heavy with sleep.

" Dora? "

" go back to sleep " she whispered and felt him give a small nod as his hand tentatively wrapped around her, like he was still unsure if he was allowed to touch her or not. She snuggled in a little closer to him as if to say it was okay and he fully wrapped around her, pulling the blanket up to her chin. It felt right to be in his arms like that again. They’d snuggled on the sofa the day before. But not as… intimate as this. It felt normal again. Like she belonged there.

" why did you- "

" I was just cold " she cut him off, ignoring the way his raspy sleep filled voice made her melt. She was trying to show that she was still just that little bit mad at him. But she couldn’t deny that she missed him. That yes she was still hurt, that she might always been. But nothing could compare to the amount that of love she had for him. Still. Even after all he’d done. No one would ever come close to the way she felt for Remus Lupin.

" right " She lifted her head for a moment to find he was already looking at her. And she couldn't help herself. Because time was precious now. And she was wasting it being angry all these months later. She slipped a hand up to cup his face before pulling him in to kiss her. He seemed a little surprised at first, his lips frozen for a moment before they opened to capture her own. But she didn't blame him because she was too. She hadn’t planned for that night to be that night she let go of the final part holding her back.

" this isn't me forgiving you " she said against his lips once they pulled apart. Half joking. Half not.

" I know " he seemed quite truthful with that. Like he understood her thinking. Maybe he did.

" good "

" good " she kissed him again and found herself shifting in his lap, slipping a leg either side of him. Because she was mad at him, she was really. But she loved him more. Missed him more. Needed him more. And soon she was unbuttoning his trousers and bunching up her sweatshirt- that was actually his- around her waist, rolling her hips against him until she was panting out his name, gripping the back of the armchair so hard she was surprised she didn’t splinter the wooden frame.

They stayed on the armchair even after Remus had cleaned them up, trying to keep the warmth of the fire in her body, trying to share Remus’ own body heat.

" Remus " she said when she was certain he was just dropping off, her head against his chest. Heading his heart beating felt like home. The familiar sound she had so often fallen asleep to. Comforting.

" I know. This isn't you forgiving me " he mumbled, hurt tinging his words.

" actually I was going to say that I love you "

" oh. Oh right... I love you too. You know I do " his arms tightened slightly around her and she let herself calm to the sound of his heart. She waited again until she felt him slackening with sleep to speak again, a slight mischief in her tone.

" oh and Remus? This isn't me forgiving you "

#messrmoonyy writes #bit longer than normal! but I loved this prompt so much! #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #remadora #harry potter #remus x tonks #ronks #the marauders #lupin #tonks x lupin #tonks #remus x nymphadora #Dora lupin #remadora one shot #deathly hallows #one shot

[thechangeling]

Out of our heads Out of our minds

So evil writer brain decided to cook up and incredibly toxic kitty fic because apparently I'm a terrible person lol. Blame @ilikebooks8 for letting this see the light of day.

The title is based on the song Out of this world by Bush.

Cw: slightly nsfw, violence, cheating, incredibly toxic behavior, beloved characters making bad choices, and implied sex.

Kit returns.

He returns to Ty with the same dazzling smile and charming witt, only now he seems to have grown even more impossibly beautiful as time has passed.

Now he's all hard lines and defined muscles and piercing sinful blue eyes that make Ty so angry he could scream.

Kit laughs and Ty wants to tear his insides out. Wants to rip Kit's heart right out if his chest just like he did to Ty. The painful gnawing rage of a betrayal that still stings after all this time. And yet still, Ty heard Kit was in danger and he came running like a man obsessed.

Ty knows deep down now matter how angry he is, he could never let anything happen to Kit. Nothing permanent anyways. Sometimes when the ache becomes to difficult to bare, Ty imagines punching that stupid smirk right off of his face. Or choking him hard enough to leave bruises. Of course Ty would never actually do such a thing. The sight of Kit in pain, any sort of pain is just too unbearable.

And that's the worst part. No matter how angry Ty gets he knows it can't last. And no matter how painful it is to be near Kit again, he still feels this unexplainable pull. This whispering in his ear to get closer and closer. To reach out and touch.

But it's stupid, and it's wrong anyways because Ty already has someone. Anush who was by his side the whole time at the scholomance and has never betrayed him. Anush who is sweet and thoughtful and gorgeous. Ty should be happy. After all, wasn't this what he always wanted? Someone to be there for him?

So he tried to distract himself from Kit by throwing himself into spending time with Anush and working the case. That's all Kit was now, just the latest problem to solve. A supernatural disaster. They would save him and stop the oncoming war and everything would be fine.

And then Kit would be gone. Blind panic teared at Ty's insides at the thought. There were these moments with Kit where they would make eye contact, or they would bump into each other in the kitchen and their fingers would brush and Ty would just desperately want to wrap Kit in his arms again.

He wanted to ask if Kit had really meant what he said that day on the beach. Sometimes when Kit stared at him with that soft sad smile on his face Ty wondered if they were going through similar things. Sometimes Ty wanted to tell him that he wished he had never met Kit either.

Kit Herondale was dangerous and unpredictable and loving him was like holding a live wire. But funnily enough the same could probably be said about Ty. Especially lately.

He felt like he was constantly in pain. Like his body ached with invisible wounds that made it impossible to breathe. The world was brutal and unforgiving, berating him with constant noise and blinding lights jabbing hot pokers into his brain. And the people with their sickly sweet smiles as they demanded he bare his soul.

But what if there was nothing left anymore? What if his soul had died with Livvy? Ty tried to cling onto the things that made him feel better. He hid away in his favorite spot, listening to his favorite music and pouring over Sherlock. Repeating the words to himself over and over again like they could pull him out of this tailspin. Ty distracted himself with Anush's sweet kisses and wandering hands as he tried to turn his brain off for once in his life.

But his soul was screaming out for another person to be the one touching him. He wanted Kit and that was infuriating. It made no logical sense. Not only was Kit responsible for breaking his heart but he also was notorious for playing fast and loose with his own life. Ty couldn't spend all his time constantly feeling like his heart was living outside of his body. Constantly in danger of being ripped open by some dark and evil thing.

Ty had everything he thought he wanted. But it still wasnt enough.

During another sleepless night, Ty found himself wandering the institutes halls. At this point he was simply just overtired. Too many nights spent worrying or studying or reading instead of sleeping. Now his body doesn't remember how to rest. Ty was far too exhausted to operate on logic or reason so he found himself standing outside of Kit's door, wondering absentmindedly how he got there.

Ty placed his hand against the door, fighting the urge to open it and walk through. He can remember the first time he waited outside of Kit's door, just like it was yesterday. He had no idea at the time why he was so drawn to the mysterious boy who had shown up at the institute after Ty had threatened him with a knife. The boy who turned out to be a lost Herondale. And honestly after all of this time Ty still couldn't explain it.

This is a bad idea, He thought to himself as he slowly turned the doorknob. This is a terrible idea. Ty, driven by pure need like fire under his skin, pushed the door open.

Kit was awake as Ty suspected he would be, sitting by the window and staring out into the night sky. Under the moonlight he was glowing. He turned around to stare at Ty, first with a look of shock, and then that same hallow desperation Ty had been seeing on Kit's face lately.

He also looked angry.

"What the hell are you doing in here Ty?" He sounded exhausted. Ty almost felt guilty in a sense. He stared at Kit for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"I don't know," he whispered, staring at the ground. "I suppose I was compelled." Ty let his gaze slowly rise up Kit's body, drinking it in.

Kit scoffed harshly. "Compelled? By what exactly, Tiberius?"

Ty looked up at Kit's face in surprise. He rarely called Ty by his full name. Ty really didn't like how it felt. Cold and distant. Ty sighed, pushing his fingertips against his collarbone and tracing it slightly.

"I don't know. I guess I just needed to know. I need to know why you left me." Ty tried not to let himself sound desperate or weak, but he had become worn down by this point. He couldn't keep up his defenses much longer.

"Why didn't you want me?" He muttered. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

And there it was. The painful truth that Ty had been avoiding. The fact that Kit had tossed him aside just like so many had before. Like Paige. Like his father. He had always tried so hard to make people happy. To live up to their expectations. But in the end it didn't matter how hard he tried, sometimes there was just no pleasing certain people.

Sometimes it seemed like there was no point in being good and following the rules if nothing ever changed. If Ty always ended up in the same place. If people always saw him as a problem or an inconvenience or worse, then he could just live up to their expectations. Be selfish and cold and cruel because no amount of begging and smiling was going to earn him respect.

Kit glared at him in shock. "Who the hell do you think you are? Coming in here to play mind games with me?" Before Ty could register what was happening, Kit was storming towards him and shoving him up against the wall with a loud thunk.

The feeling of Kit touching him again after all this time was dizzying. Kit was shorter then him so he needed to crane his neck a little to look up at Ty, which meant that his throat was completely exposed for Ty to stare at.

"I told you how I felt and you did nothing! You ignored me!" Kit cried. "I wanted you more then I've ever wanted anything Ty! I still do!" Tears were streaming down his face. Ty stared at Kit, completely frozen. His wrists were pinned to the wall by Kit's hands and their faces were inches apart.

Ty struggled to collect himself. "I didn't know what was going on," he gasped out shakily. "I was a mess Kit. I just had to get her back. But-." He cut himself off. It was all for nothing. Ty had lost Livvy in the end and he had lost Kit as well.

Ty shook his head. "Does this mean that you love me?" His voice sounded so far away. Like the words were being pulled from some unexpected place within him. Kit let out a soft gasp and squeezed his eyes shut before fixing his expression into a blank slate. He leaned forward slightly so that their lips were just barely touching, then gently trailed his mouth across Ty's cheek to his ear.

Ty felt him smirk slightly before Kit whispered in his ear. "Go to sleep Ty. Go back to your boyfriend."

And before Ty had time to think, he was lashing out. He shoved Kit backwards as hard as he could with a snarl. Kit went flying across the room and slammed into the opposite wall. If Kit had been human it probably would have knocked him out. Ty stared in horror at what he had done as Kit clutched his ribs and groaned.

"You seriously have some anger management issues!" Kit snapped at him, glaring pointedly. Ty knew that. When he was younger he used to have fits of uncontrollable rage all the time. Words didnt come easily to him so he would hit, scratch, bite or throw whatever was closest to make people realize he was in pain. When he wanted to say "don't touch me" or "you hurt my feelings" but he just could make the words form properly, he would get angry. And then he would lash out.

Ty thought he had been getting better at managing his emotions and communicating. But there was something about Kit Herondale that just evaporated every last bit of logic and reason he had until all that was left was the urge to scream.

Ty gaped in shock, searching for the right thing to say. "By the angel Kit, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that I swear!" He pleaded. His fingers were beginning to shake and flutter at his sides. He tapped desperately against his thigh, scratching at the material of his sweatpants to try and calm himself down.

Kit just shook his head and laughed humourlessly. "Honestly Ty, we should just tell the Seelie Queen not to worry. And Janus, and all the other people who want the first heir dead. You'll destroy me just fine on your own." He gaze was piercing and ruthless.

Ty's breathing was frantic and erratic as he shook in agony. He could feel he was on the urge of a meltdown.

Kit pulled himself to his feet. He stared at Ty longingly and then smiled slightly. A genuine smile. "But honestly what a way to go. Does that answer your question sweetheart?"

Ty gasped soundlessly, his hands shaking at his sides. He fought to get a hold of himself. Kit studied Ty for a moment, then slowly began to approach him.

"Why are you here Ty? Why did you come here exactly?" Kit was speaking in a soft lulling voice as if he was trying to hypnotize Ty.

"I'm here because I miss you," Ty admitted. "It's confusing. Because I'm still mad at you. But I can't stop thinking about you." Ty felt as though he was close to crying, which was concerning because he rarely ever cried.

Only for Kit.

Kit scowled at him slightly. "You're with someone else, remember?"

Guilt instantly pierced through Ty's chest. "Yeah I know, I'm a terrible person," he said bitterly. He didn't want to admit to himself that he had been trying this whole time to distract himself from Kit. That he was using Anush. But that was technically true. Ty saw the opportunity to lose himself in a pretty boy with an honest smile who loved him wholeheartedly.

Ty thought he could forget but then here he was. All roads led to Kit Herondale.

Kit sighed and reached for Ty, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. "You arent terrible. You're spiraling. And you come to me like I can save you from yourself? Please," Kit chuckled. "I can barely save myself."

"I don't need you to save me."

Kit stared at him with an expression that was hard to place. Then he smiled, but it wasnt a kind smile. It was a satisfied, knowing smirk. Kit traced his thumb under Ty's chin then back up to his lips, forcing them to part slightly.

"You think I don't know why you're here love?" He cooed in a voice that was both soothing and alluring. You think I don't know what you're after?" Kit sighed, sounding a little worn down. "If I was a better person, a stronger person. I would tell you to leave." He dipped his hands down underneath Ty's shirt.

Ty shivered at the cold feeling against his skin. He dropped his forhead down to lean against Kit's, revealing in the contact. "Lucky for you," Kit whispered against his lips, "I'm not."

Ty felt the last string of his self control snap as he kissed Kit roughly, grabbing onto his torso and pulling him closer. Kit responded to the kiss eagerly, parting his lips for Ty and laughing deliriously as their lips met again and again.

Kit was tearing off Ty's shirt as he walked him backwards, closer to the bed. As soon as he had slid it off if Ty's body, Kit tossed the shirt aside and went back to kissing him. Ty felt his knees hit the bed frame and he fell backwards onto the soft welcoming mattress, pulling Kit down with him.

Kit kissed a line down Ty's neck to his pulse point and Ty groaned, burying his fingers in Kit's curls. He was lost in a sea of pure desperation.

"Tell me to stop," Kit whispered between kisses. Ty froze for a moment. Then he understood.

Kit was giving him an out.

Ty responded by pulling Kit even closer and letting his head fall back against the pillows.

He closed his eyes and let Kit Herondale ruin him.

The morning after was the hardest. Ty pulled himself from Kit's arms and forced himself not to look back.

And that was when he finally cried.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

WHAT THE HELL FAE! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS OMG 😭

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #kit x ty #kit herondale #ty blackthorn #twp #tw violence #tw cheating #cw toxic behavior #cw toxic relationship

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet-chapter 13: the test

All chapters

chapter 12

I was just leaving the Great Hall and was walking to DADA with Harry and Ron, discussing what we were thinking we would do in class today, since neither of us wanted to attend. We walked into the classroom and I noticed Lockhart wasn't there yet, thank Merlin, maybe he would be absent today. We sat down and got our supplies out patiently waiting. I heard Ron whispering to Harry and nudging his arm.

 Lockhart entered and gave a brief overview of what we would be doing in class today. I heard more whispers from the pair and turned to look at them, "What are you two whispering about?" I said in a hushed tone. "Nothing" they both said and I just rolled my eyes. I then felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Harry smiling at me. "Um Y/n I wanted to ask you something." he said clearly scared and looking back at Ron. "Well what is it?" I said wishing he would just ask already. "Potter! L/n! Shhh Im speaking!" Lockhart interrupted. He continued blabbing about the lesson and I turned back to Harry. "What was it?" I whispered. "Oh, um well I was wondering If you wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me?" he spat out quietly. I was taken aback clearly, shocked since I had no Idea Harry liked me. I felt kinda bad because I didn't feel the same and I didnt want to hurt his feelings. He could tell it was taking me a minute to think it over. Harry was just so sweet, too sweet, I didn't really like cheesy sweet boys, they are a little soft for my personality, which is why it was gonna be so hard to say no. "Look Harry, you're one of the nicest guys I have had in my life, but I just dont think its a good idea, im sorry, I'm positive you can find someone better to take, like Ginny maybe?" I said with a compassionate smile.

   I could see his face soften and he frowned a bit, "Oh that's alright I totally understand, I just figured y'know neither of us had dates yet, but no worries." he said as he turned and focused back on Lockhart. I felt so guilty for doing that, he was such a good friend, but I just couldn't see us having a good time at the ball. I did the same and focused on Lockhart and we spent the rest of class in silence.

   Once class ended I muttered small goodbyes to Harry and Ron and quickly sped out of the room not wanting to deal with the aftermath of that whole situation. "Hey Y/n" Draco said walking up to me like he did everyday, "Hey Draco, ready for the potions test?" I said as we walked to the dungeons. "Mm yeah I guess I mean I've been ready haha." he said with a cocky smile. I rolled my eyes, "How was DADA? Hope you didn't hex Lockhart again." He said laughing. "It was fine, and fuck off," I said playfully pushing him"Something strange did happen though," I said looking down at my books, "Harry asked me to the Yule Ball.." I said looking at him. "What?! Potter? What a joke!" he said scoffing "I hope you didn't say yes!" he added. "No I didn't, he's too sweet and I just don't feel that way about him, but I feel really bad about it. He looked upset." I said looking back down. "Oh I'm sure he'll be just fine, plus you need a man to take you to the ball, certainly not Potter." he snarled, I elbowed him and gave him a look, "Hey be nice! He's still one of my friends you know." "Yeah yeah." he said mockingly,  as we entered the potions classroom and took our seats in the front. Snape wasnt here yet so we all waited patiently. I got my supplies out and opened my book looking over the material one last time. The door flew open and Snape came walking in, his robes billowing behind him like usual. I felt a small smile creep to my face at the act, he always looked so stunning when he did that, so...powerful. I realized what I was doing and quickly looked back at my book and dropped the smile.

   "Ok class, put your textbooks away and clear off your tables, I will now be handing out your tests, you'll have all of class to complete them, no more and no less. You will get your grades back tomorrow, come drop them on my desk when you are finished and return to your seat quietly." He spewed, the same speech he gave before every test, he began walking around the class handing out the tests and came to my table last, he handed one to Draco and then to me, I looked up at him as he handed it over and smiled saying thank you, he just nodded and looked to have given and very small smirk, as if to say "Good luck" I took a deep breath and began on the test. It was 100 questions which was no surprise since we have a 2 hour class period for potions. 40 minutes had gone by and I was on question 36, which wasn't very good, as Draco was on 49. I needed to pick up the pace if I wanted to finish in time. An hour and a half had now passed and several kids had already finished, I was feeling pretty good so far and was on question 70 something, feeling like I was losing my mind at all the words on the page. Before I knew it Draco was getting up and turning his in. I was almost done, only 5 questions left and 15 minutes left. When I finished there were only three kids still working on theirs, I looked up at Snape who was going over essays and he looked up at me. We made eye contact and I quickly looked back at my test, checking over all my answers. I let out a breath and cracked my knuckles as I stood and slowly walked up to Snape, "All done" I said nervously handing it to him, he looked up and took it from me, and his fingertips brushed mine very softly and quickly as he took it from me, and as soon as he did, out of fear and embarrassment, I snatched my hand away and smiled awkwardly, walking back to my table and putting my head down. I dozed off for the last 10 minutes of class, awakening to Draco shoving me telling me it was time to leave, I sat up and saw most of the class had left.

   I grabbed my stuff and we went for the door, "Actually, Ms. L/n may I speak to you." I froze scared it was about the hand thing, or maybe the Dumbledore thing this morning. I shooed off Draco saying I'd catch up and walked over to stand next to Snape's desk. He stood up and I followed him with my eyes, keeping eye contact to get any sense of what this was about. "I went ahead and decided to grade your test as soon as you turned it in." He said in his usual tone, not giving me any clue as to what I got. Making the suspense and tension build more. "Oh gosh. It's bad isn't it? I failed, didn't i? Oh merlin Professor im so sor-" I began to ramble when he didn't speak but he cut me off, "Y/n calm down." He said and I could feel a slight blush at the use of my first name. He handed me my test and I kept my eyes on his not looking down at it yet. "Wooo ok I can do this" I said giggling a bit, I looked down and my eyes went wide. Written in red ink and circled at the top was a 92. A fucking. 92. I looked back up at him and my jaw dropped. "OH MY GOSH I DID IT!" I practically screamed, jumping up and hugging the paper. "I can't believe I passed and with a 92 this is the happiest moment of my life!" I said smiling up at him.

In fit of adrenaline and serotonin overdose I threw my arms around him and hugged him. He went stiff and I realized what I was doing and quickly threw myself off. "Oh my I'm so sorry Sir, that was so inappropriate, I was just so happy" I said blushing hard and feeling a very strong nervous tingle, which it was I decided to call them, and looked up at him. "It's quite alright Y/n, I'm very proud of you, you worked hard and it paid off, good job." He said with a very small, but visible smile. I smiled big back at him and gestured to him, "I got you to smile too! This is amazing!" I said giggling. "Alright alright enjoy it while it lasted because that's the first and last time you'll see it." he said back in his normal tone and sat back down in his chair. We went silent for a moment as I just stared at my test. "I'm gonna frame this" I joked to which he just looked up at me and smirked a bit. "I cant thank you enough Professor, If you hadn't helped me and stayed up all night tutoring me, I would have been seeing another 50" I said with a calmer and genuine tone. "Of course, Ms-...Y/n, Im proud." he said and I put my head down to hide the blush, I felt rush to my cheeks at the sound of him saying my name, this was getting out of hand. "Ok well, I will see you in tutoring tomorrow. Goodbye Severus." I said with a sarcastic grin and walking out of the class before he could scold me for the use of his first name.

   I walked out of the school to the yard and sat in front of the tree that overlooked the lake. I closed my eyes and took in the fresh air listening to the quiet sound of the lake's water. I looked down at my test paper and smiled, he told me good job and I felt so proud to have pleased him, thinking of the potions professor and how he was such a different man to me now than he was when we first met, he was still his normal self 90% of the time, but he would let the kindness shine through every now and again when I would talk with him. I can't believe I hugged him, I thought. He felt warm for such a cold man, and he smelt nice, like parchment and firewhiskey. That smell would forever be burned in my head. And he smiled and it lit up my dark world for that fraction of a second. Looking in his dark eyes as he was truly proud of me, made my heart beat faster, he was so...beautiful to me, despite what others thought of him, he was an amazing man. I felt the nervous tingle again, only this one lingered on. I leaned my head back on the tree and felt a single tear slid down my face. I let out a breath and opened my eyes wiping it away quickly, and grew scared for a moment. I wasn't sure if it was a tear of joy, or a tear or worry, for I had just begun to realize, the nervous tingle I felt around him was butterflies, the ones Hermione had told me about, and the feelings I had, were for my Potions Professor.

#snape x reader #snape imagine #severusnape #professor snape #snape #severus snape #severusimagine #severus x reader #severus snape x reader #hogwarts #slytherin #Snape slowburn

[anythingandeverything1d]

Heart Attack

“Hey.”

“Hey? That’s it? That’s all you're going to say?”

“Harry...”

“Whatever. This was stupid. You shouldn't be here. Neither should I.”

“But yet here we both are.”

“It was a mistake. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Haz-” “No. Stop. Don’t call me that. You don’t get that right anymore. Im done with this. I never should have come.”

“Harry stop. Please. I miss you. I-I never should’ve left... Just let me explain.”

1 MONTH AGO:

“Stop!” you shrieked as Harry picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. “Harry!” He fell back into the couch with a laugh, you landing perfectly in his lap. Both of you were out of breath, Harry nuzzled his nose into your neck and you smiled, turning his head to yours and pressing your lips against his. It was the first night in almost 2 months that Harry had been home. You ran your hand across his cheek and sighed.

“Whats wrong?”

“I just missed you...” you bushed his hair out of his face. “I feel like we haven't had any time together.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Things with writing just got really crazy...and then the album release..”

“Yeah..I know. It still sucks though.” Harry smiled and kissed your nose. “I’m glad we at least have now. And you won't be leaving anytime soon so we can settle back into a routine.” You kissed him, wanting something more to follow.

Harry pulled away with a guilty expression. “Actually, I only have a month or so to stay before I start my tour for the new album...”

You blinked looking into his green eyes full of regret. “What?”

“Well we decided to do a full tour for the album and we decided to push it forward a bit....you know keep the excitement and everything up.” 

“Oh.” You climbed off his lap and stood up, pacing the room. “You were waiting to tell me this because?”

“I just wanted to wait and do it in person....I didn’t want to cause any extra stress.”

“Harry you literally promised we would have time together after the album was done...remember?”

“Yeah I know but I don't have a choice right now....this is what I do.”

“So we are just going to go back to a long distance relationship..Is that all we will ever be to you?”

“No-No of course not babe...You know I love you.”

You bit your lip holding back tears. Harry was trying to think of what to say to make things better but in your mind there was nothing that could fix this. “Harry you haven't even spent more than a week consecutively with me. We- we haven't even had time to relax. We were supposed to have that now.”

“Well we will for the next few weeks...We can make this work. You can come with me-”

“I have a job Harry. My dream job. I can’t just quit to tour with you..I don't want to be something you only come home to on the weekends. I want you to want this. To want a future together. A family.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure? It doesn't seem like it?”

Harry looked up, tears in his eyes. “What do you want me to do? What can I do to fix this...Quit the tour?”

“No. I’m not going to ask you to give up on your dream. I’m not going to take away something you love....”

“Then what? Just tell me what I can do..”

You sucked in a breath and wiped a tear from your eye. Crossing your arms you stood there for a minute. “I think we should just be friends...”

“(y/n).”

“No. I’m serious. I love you Harry...but I cant do this anymore. I need a break. I need to figure out what I want. I need to figure out if I can even make this work anymore.”

“Babe-”

“No I’m sorry.” You knelt down and kissed his lips hard. Your tears on his lips and his on yours. “I want to figure out what I can handle. I don't want to feel like  I come second to you anymore..”

“Youre not second I swear.”

“I just need time okay?” You kissed him again and sighed. “I love you, but this isn't working...” You stood up and walked out to your car, gasping for air and trying to collect yourself through the sobs as you drove home.

It had take a few weeks. You had taken a while to get over the pain of leaving Harry. Your heart ached. You felt sick to your stomach when you saw anything about him. You slept in his hoodies every night and questioned if you had made the wrong decision but you also knew that you couldn't continue with how things had been moving. So eventually, after those first few weeks, you had pulled yourself together and agreed on a causal blind date with a friend of a friend. You had gotten dressed in a crop top and skinny jeans, your hair down and makeup done. You weren't ready to date anyone...but you did want to try and move on...try to get back into a normal social routine. So here you were, entering the club late on a Saturday night. Of course you walk in and your eyes immediately rest on the green eyes you knew too well. 

Harry’s POV:

Harry felt sick to his stomach. Watching (y/n) walk out of his life that night was burned into his brain. He almost didn’t believe you when you said you wanted to be friends...He couldnt believe it. He loved you more than anything. You had gotten him through long nights away, writing the new album. You had been the one he called when he couldnt sleep. You had supported him through everything and yet now you were leaving? Saying you needed space? What was that about? The first few nights he hadn't slept. He just paced around the house, tossed and turned in bed, and barely ate. Things got a little better when plans for the tour started evolving and shaping. He had gotten into a better routine, one where you weren't involved. When some of the band had suggested going out to a club, he had said no. He didn’t want to be around other girls. He was secretly still holding out for you. Of course, the guys had practically dragged him there anyway. He sat at the bar, a drink in his hand. He was watching people walk in and out. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular but when his eyes landed on yours, he froze. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt like he was going to pass out. Your eyes were glued to his, until the guy behind you grabbed your shoulder and pushed you towards the bar opposite of his, your eyes reluctantly leaving his. 

Harry put a hand over his chest. “You okay mate?” Mitch asked concerned. “Youre looking a little pale.”

“I’m trying to be okay, I’m trying to be alright but man. It hurts.”

Mitch followed his gaze to you. “Harry she's no good for you. Look what she's done to you, I mean you barely ate. You weren't sleeping.”

“It doesn’t feel right though. She shouldn't be with another guy. She should be here with me. She was the one. She was the only thing I’ve ever wanted in my life.. ”

“Harry.” Adam cut in. “You're just too blind to see how much she's messed you up this time.. Youre way better off now that she's gone.”

“Im trying. Im trying so hard to be better now.”

“I’m glad. Do you want to leave?”

“It feels like I’m having a heart attack. Ugh” Harry gripped his chest and leaned back into the bar.

“It’s probably a panic attack...” Adam corrected. “We should probably go.”

“No. No- I’ll be okay.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Harry’s gaze fell back to you. You looked incredible. Dressed perfectly. Harry just wished he was the one kissing your cheek, telling you that you looked beautiful and that you didn't need the extra make up. He wanted to be the one with his hands around your waist. Who even is this guy? Why are you even moving on so quickly?

Harry stood up from the bar and smiled. “I’m just going to have a wee, I’ll be back.” Mitch and Adam looked uncertain but nodded and ordered another drink. Harry wandered to the bathroom. He stood by the door waiting. Within a few minutes you had wandered over, probably to check your hair. Harry causally bumped you as you were exiting and you looked up. His eyes met yours and his heart skipped a beat. He felt his chest tighten and his heart beat irregularly. “(y/n)...”

Your POV:

You looked up at him. His hair was trimmed, but perfectly pushed back in a wave. His green eyes were frantically searching yours and his hand was pressed lightly over his chest. He moved to step away but you grabbed his wrist quickly. “Wait. Can we talk?”

“I-I don't know...”

“Harry please.”

“Fine. Meet me outside in an hour.” You nodded and he walked away. Your heart was rushing and heat flooded your cheeks and your body. You hadn't reacted that way since you had last seen him and it made you smile. You entertained your date for a bit, but your mind was always on Harry. How he was doing, what you were going to say. Truthfully you wanted to tell him how much you missed him. You wanted him to know you made a mistake. But you also didn't know anything about what his life had been like and dint want to interrupt something he had with someone else...kind of like the media had said. After an hour passed, you wandered outside, waiting for Harry in the dark alley, a light rain drizzling over your body. 

PRESENT DAY:

“Explain what? How you left? How, out of nowhere you said you wanted to be friends? How you said you didn’t know what you wanted?”

“Harry I swear I-”

“Then, you show up with some random ass guy tonight, only shortly after breaking up with me?”

“No- well yes but thats not how it is.”

“Then how is it? Do tell me (y/n).” Harry was pissed.

“I made a mistake okay? I should have stayed with you. I love you Harry. I always have and I always will. I left because I wasnt sure how to feel...I felt you were always putting me in second to your music. I know its important to you but you rarely called, you rarely spent time at home with me...I just felt like it was one way. And I get it, I left. I walked away. But I regretted it the second I did it...I just needed time to really figure it out. And I have now okay? You are my dream. I know I have a great job and I love it but I love you more. I want to be with you and if that means touring with you and selling my house and quitting my job just to follow you around the world I will. I need you. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your everything.”

Harry’s mouth dropped. He stepped towards you. It looked like tears were dripping down his cheeks, but you couldn't tell if it was that or the rain. His wet hair dripped in front of his face and he brushed it back before closing the remaining space between you. His lips collided with yours. He was patient for a second before biting down hard on your bottom lip and slipping his tongue into your mouth. He kissed you like his life depended on it and if that were the last thing you had of him, you would die happy. “I love you.” he whispered against your lips.

“You do?” You leaned your head back, cupping his cheeks in your hands and staring into his eyes.

“I am in love with you (y/n). Seeing you here, tonight, with that other guy. It didn't feel right. I wanted to be him, his hands on you, dancing with you...” Harry’s hands slid to your waist. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. I mean look at you. Fuck.”

“You don't hate me?”

“I have never hated you.” His lips pressed to yours again, this time more gently. “Come with me. I want you on tour with me.”

You kissed him, your hands tangling into his hair. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

You kissed him hard, pulling his lips back with yours. “Take me with you and don't ever let go.”

“I won't. I promise.”

---

Hope you all like this! Let me know what you think! xoxo

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harrystyles #one direction #directioners #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles blurb

[rainecloud020604]

🍊🏀☀️💥🐟🌸 For Keith,Charles,Josiah [If it's too much,just answer what you wish! <3]

🍊 Does your OC have any triggers? Why do these things trigger them? What are they like when triggered and how do they calm down after?

Keith - Blood is a trigger, which makes him turn violent and not himself, its hard to calm him down without getting hurt yourself if you arent super close, he normally takes a bit to calm down if,,you cant calm him down yourself, as long as there is no blood in the area he’ll calm down at some point, why this triggers him he doesnt exactly know all the details,,but war does things to people

Charles - war, anything related to such makes him have a mental break down and he will go and hide himself somewhere, as little time as he actually spent in it the effects of leaving and trying to hide hit him hard and he’s extremely traumatized by it, he’s very skittish and shaken, he doesnt wanna be near anyone when he’s vulnerable which is why he hides, normally he doesnt calm down after on his own, takes Jason there to calm him down and get him to relax and snap out of it

Josiah - he surprisingly doesnt have one, nothing that gets him to such a point

🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

Keith - hah he doesnt actually asjdlfkad so noting i can really answer for this for any of the questions

Charles - he can actually, and surprisingly sing very well! it is also a small hobby he has cause he practices in his free time when he’s alone, he is self taught cause he just wanted a hobby that wasnt drinking or smoking-

Josiah - it might come as a surprise that he can knit! he’s very shy about it and does it in secret when he isnt busy as a pastime, he used to make clothing to blend in as a hobby after learning how by reading into it but Christine wont let him wear anything he makes outside of the house

☀️ How well does your OC take care of themself? Do they tend to put others before their own wellbeing and if so how often? What is their favourite way to pamper themself?

Keith - haaaah whats self care- yeah he doesnt really take great care of himself, his wellbeing hasnt really been on his mind since he was like 12 so others always goes first before his, and,,,eh if you count it its making sure his clothes look decent

Charles - he keeps up with himself for not only his sake but Jason’s and Phizzy’s as well, of course as much as he’ll keep up with himself he puts others before it always, he likes to make sure his hair is brushes and looks nice always

Josiah - as good as he physically is kept up mentally he isnt but thats for another day- others wellbeing should and is always put before his, he is to serve and not be cared for as he is told, he of course cant really take his time with small things like he wishes but making sure that his gloves are in good condition is as much as he can do

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

Keith - he doesnt like being sad, he feels like it makes him weak and thats not what he wants at all, he doesnt handle it well 

Charles - he,,he doesnt like feeling guilty, he gets frustrated with it a lot and it brings back so many heavy memories with it he doesnt want to think about

Josiah - anger, it confuses him and scares him a lot, seeing Christine get mad is one thing, but him yelling or getting mad is something he doesnt like, he feels wrong because he shouldnt get mad

🐟 What was your OC like as a baby? What were they like as a child? A teenager? An adult? How do you think they’ll develop ten years into their future? Twenty years? Will they live to old age?

Keith - ehh tbh I have thought about it, as a baby he was very fussy constantly, but needed to be kept an eye on, as a child he was very stubborn, his parents werent great so he would fight with them a lot so he could do whatever because they only cared when they could punish or yell at him for it, as a teenager he was rather the same until he was thrown into war, where he became really violent, angry and prickish all at once which carried out to his adult years to where he is now, he isnt easy to have warm up to you, if he likes you consider yourself lucky as hell- this will pretty much be the same all of his life unless something happens and makes him weak and emotionally vulnerable, as a demon he will pretty much live forever until killed, so yeah i guess he will

Charles - as a baby he was actually very needy, which when as a child he was neglected by his family it didnt help him, he was still a needy child who just wanted comfort constantly but his parents didnt give it to him, as a young teen he was thrown into war and tried to leave it, which got permanently scarred for life, as an adult he has a very tough outer shell and snaps easily at people, he can be soft with close ones of course and acts like himself actually- of course his cold outer shell will eventually loosen up as he gets older (his anger will not hah) he is a demon and i do see him living a very long time  

Josiah - as a baby he was a very quiet bab but always wanted to be near someone, as a child he was very soft and sweet, he still is throughout his teen and adult years! and will stay this way for his entire life, which will be for,,pretty much eternity unless something happens

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

Keith - honestly, if you point out one small thing you actually like or appreciate about him it would make his day a bit better, positively of course- it’s,,,ehhh hard to make him laugh actually- normally seeing someone scared of him joking or just being himself in general will make him laugh though, and to ruin his day is pretty much piss him off or make him feel horrible for existing which is rather hard to do the second part, get under his skin about how he’s a monster

Charles - comment his look and it’ll make his day, his scar especially, as angry and cold as he acts, he’s a bit easy to make laugh if you say the right things, mainly if you’re just being a goof and messing around, poking fun at small things, make it worse and ruin his day is insulting him, especially about how he can be a freak or monster

Josiah - any sweet words will do the job, compliments, hell a smile will do that job just fine! he’ll laugh at a lot too, silly nonsense and small jokes, putting him down will for sure ruin his day, get into his head, comments about not fitting in, how he’s unfit, shouldnt be there will get to him a lot

#long post

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: Secret Santa

Gif credit @that-english-reject

Third Christmas imagine

Hope you all enjoy.

Happy Reading Dollies.

Tag list: @chriscrosscerulli. @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @ryansitkowskiswifey. @musicsexandpizza69. @myanaconda-will-consider1t. @thisplace-ishaunted. @nocturnalherb16. @alilpunkrock. @baylishh

Christmas on tour was wild, the band went crazy. They decorated the tour bus in lights and garland, Ricky even hung a mistletoe above the door for the members who had girlfriends.

This year they decided to do secret Santa, everyone got to pick a name and of course you got Rickys of all people. It wasnt that you didn't like Ricky it was the complete opposite. You had the biggest crush on him and you couldn't believe that you actually got him. So you wondered around with him for awhile before the show started one day to see what he really wanted or really liked to have without giving him the hint that you were his Santa.

"So Rick, have you been a good boy this year"? Your question made Ricky laugh almost spitting his monster out of his mouth.

"Why do you ask"? He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Well, if you don't tell anyone. I'm an undercover elf for Santa". You giggled. Ricky rolled his eyes with a smile.

"I bet Chris got my name and he sent you to ask me ideas for Christmas, right"?

"I can't say".

"Just tell him I've been a very good boy and I want this vintage camera that I saw at a antique store. It's three hundred bucks and I know he can afford it. He just bought five hundred dollars in shiny pants and makeup".

"Alright, I'll let Santa know". You said walking away from him. Three hundred dollars was kind of pricey for you, you didn't know if you could afford it or not but if Ricky wanted it then you'll find away to make it happen.

Ricky sent you a picture of the camera and where to find it. Oddly it was in the city that you were in just for a couple days so when the guys went on stage you snuck off and got the camera hiding it in your suitcase surrounded by your underwear and bras. No one would look there. Just say you're not going to be eating fancy anytime soon. Romen noodles for months in your future.

Christmas was around the corner and the guys were all excited, Vinny wanted to scream who he got and it was funny. He couldn't keep a secret at all which was good for you cause you knew who he got and what they got. Ryan would get a shock and probably kill Vinny with it in his sleep.

It was officially Christmas and things were hot. Did you know that cooking a turkey in the oven, that said oven hasn't been used before until now makes a small tour bus feel like death is melting your skin off with a blow torch? Well it does. So Ricky had a great plan to sit outside in the snow and open presents while the turkey cooked.

"Vinny you go first". You suggested with a smirk.

"Sure, here you go Ryan for those lonely nights in the bunk". Vinny said with a laugh.

Ryan opened the box slowly, he didn't know if something was going to jump out at him. He busted out laughing when he pulled out a blow up doll. Everyone laughed, Ryan's face was beet red.

"Thanks man, I'll make sure she comes an visits you during the night". Ryan laughed shaking his head.

"Y/N, you want to go next"? Vinny asked.

"Yeah, here you go Ricky". You handed him a box with a red bow on top. He looked confused.

"I hope you like it". Ricky smiled as he started opening it, then his jaw dropped and a excited squeal came from him.

"I love it thank you. Its just what I wanted". He said with a hug.

"I'm glad you got it. It's a really neat camera". You shyly said.

The secret Santa's kept going, you were next Chris got you and he surprised the shit out of you by getting you front row tickets to a chip and dales show. It was kind of awkward and all but you had no clue why he got you those.

"Um thanks". You shyly laughed.

"If you don't like them you can sell them or whatever".

"No it's cool, just have to find someone to go with me".

After the awkwardness went away you went to check on the turkey leaving the guys to talk.

"Can I ask how much that was Ricky"? Ryan asked as he watched Vinny try blowing up the blow up doll using his mouth.

"I think it was three hundred. Why"?

"Just asking".

"Come on man why"?

"I was playing on Y/Ns phone and her bank sent her a balance check and she's broke this month. That camera took all her money".

"Then why would she get it"? Ricky felt guilty and horrible that you would spent the last of your money on him.

"She wanted you to have it so thats what you got".

"But I didn't want her to be completely broke. We really need to put a limit on how much to spend".

"Why would you suggest a three hundred dollar camera to her"?

"I thought she was asking for Chris".

"Me? I can't afford that much".

"Please, we see who's wearing new pants every show and who spent hundreds on make up from hot topic". The others eyed Chris.

"Fine. What do you want us to do"?

"I don't know, I can't let her spend this much on me".

"Then why not make it up? Like she's going to need things this month make her a gift basket"? Vinny suggested. Vinny had an idea? Wow. The guys were amazed.

"You're surprisingly a genius". Ricky smiled. "I'll go shopping for her tomorrow, gotta do some snooping to make sure I get the right things".

"Hey guys turkeys done". You poked your head out the door.

"Great, we're starving". Vinny rubbed his belly.

"Where do you put it? You just ate a whole solid chocolate reindeer".

"I have a high metabolism, you know being a drummer and all". He winked as he passed you going to sit on the couch.

"Right". You laughed, going to get the plates. Ricky had the turkey and everyone was ready to eat. Christmas dinner was served.

That night Ricky tip toed and sorta went through your stuff but for a good cause he had to make sure to get the right things.

The morning came and he was the first one up and out the door heading to the nearest mall. The first place he stopped was bath and body works. He maybe all in black and very goth but if you wanted to smell like vanilla then he would go in just for you.

He dodged the sales lady and went straight to the lotions grabbing the bottle that looked like the picture he took and ran to the check out.

He went to hot topic and got you a few eyeliners and some eyeshadow. Even a cool neckless that he thought would look great on you.

Then final stop was walmart, he grabbed your kind of deodorant, razzers, shaving cream, shampoo and conditioner. He even went down the aisle that he promised himself that he wouldn't go down until he was married, the feminine aisle. He grabbed two boxes of tampons the right kind he check four times to make sure. He grabbed something called lady wipes, he thought you might like them too. Ricky picked up odds and ends of what he thought you would like, chocolates, snack foods, stuff that none of the guys would eat but you would like. Your favorite cereal, bagels and cookies. He went all out for you.

Not forgetting the basket.

Ricky rode in the cab putting the basket together, making sure everything was going to fit. He may have went over board but he didn't care at all.

Pulling up to the bus he paid the cab driver and headed into the bus. It smelled so good, you had took Christmas leftovers and made a casserole for everyone.

"Y/N"? He called out, the basket in his hands a smile on his face.

"What the heck, Ricky"? You said with a chuckle, your hand covered your mouth in shock.

"I know it doesn't make three hundred dollars but it's a thank you and a start. If you need anything I'll get it just ask".

"Oh, Ricky. You didn't have to do that, I'm good". You said with a shy smile, you didn't know he knew about the money troubles.

"No its no problem. I feel bad that you spent that much on me and you didn't have it. I wish I can take the camera back". He said with a frown.

"Don't you dare, I wanted you to have that. I wouldn't have gotten it if I didn't think that I could manage with what I got in the bank".

"But you worked hard for that money. Putting up with us and dealing with our shit. You deserve more". Ricky sat the basket on the floor next to him and walked to you, grabbing your face smashing his lips on yours.

"God, I've waited a long time to do that". Ricky breathed out. You blinked a couple times to make sure you really saw what happened.

"Why did you kiss me"?

"Because I like you and not because you bought me the camera which I love by the way". He let out a laugh as did you. "But I've never had someone do that for me and takes as good of care of me as you do. You're sweet, caring, good hearted, smart and beautiful. I can't resist you".

"You're a smooth talker Ricky Olsen and extremely kind to do that for me". You kissed his lips this time.

"I want you to never have to worry about money again so I'm upping your pay too". You laughed rolling your eyes.

"You don't have to do that too. The basket is enough".

"How about the next day we're off I take you on a date and we can officially go on a date and say we're dating"?

"I'd like that. Plus I get to try all my new lotions and shampoos".

"Speaking of lotions, never send me to get them. I almost died in there. There's perfume being sprayed everywhere and my nose couldn't take it. I thought I was going to die".

"You're so funny". You kissed him again, he wrapped his arms around your waist keeping you in his embrace.

"Thank you".

"You're welcome, Merry Christmas". He rubbed his nose with yours and kissed you again.

"Merry Christmas". Best Christmas ever!

#ricky horror x reader #ricky horror imagine #ricky olson imagine #ricky horror fanfiction #ricky olson #motionless in white fanfiction #motionless in white #motionless in white imagine #chris motionless #ryan sitkowski #vinny mauro #motionless in white christmas

[benhardyroger]

My Light (Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor)

Summary: You and Roger have have been in a relationship for a while and you started to feel like you should take your relationship further, since things were getting more serious. On your way back from a lovely evening out, you ask him to meet your parents before both of you leave on your trip to France, only you were struck with some terrible news.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Woo I finally wrote something again!! This was written for @bensrogers 3k celebration, congrats dummy :) The prompt inspiring this fic was “distance makes the heart grow fonder” and I’ve honestly been procrastinating on writing this for Years and I didn’t really proofread, so please excuse grammatical errors. I kinda feel like this one sucks and it could’ve been better, but with that said I hope you guys enjoy My Light!

Roger had been humming the tune you’d heard at dinner the entire way home. You hand was loosely intertwined with his as he swung it back and forth to the the slow romantic rhythm of the tune. He opened the door for you and let you lead him in. The room was cold and pitch black. Roger continued humming and raised his arm and twirled you under it.

You giggled, “Roger hold on let me find the light switch, I can’t see.”

He stopped humming. “Who needs light when I’ve got you, you’re my light,” he said pulling you closer to him by your waist so that you were against each other.

You rolled your eyes, not that the lack of light allowed him to see you do it anyways. “Alright, you may have had a bit too much bubbly, Mr. Corny.” You pushed yourself away from him and made your way to the wall to feel around and turn on the light. “There, much better. See?”

“Too bright,” he said, squinting his eyes. You rolled your eyes once more and led him up the stairs by his hand to wind down after an eventful evening.

When you got to the bedroom, Roger immediately flopped onto the bed and you took a seat on the bench across the room facing the small vanity mirror. You could see Roger behind you through it looking absolutely exhausted.

“Hey Rog, I uhh- I wanted to ask you a question,” you said, taking off your earrings. “Hmm?” he replied, eyes still closed sleepily. “I was thinking before we go on our trip you could maybe meet my parents?” you suggested timidly.

He sat up upon hearing that. His expression was slightly stunned, but overall unreadable.

“I just think it makes sense, we’ve been together long enough and we’re going on a trip together and that way, if it goes great we can start France off strong, and if it goes terribly, and i’m sure it won’t but if it does, we can just leave and forget about it and go eat some croissants or baguettes or whatever they have there,” you were rambling now and you didn’t hear him try to get your attention, “and you know i’m super excited because I know I’ve said this a hundred times before but I’ve always wanted to go and it’s going to be so fun and we’d get to see all the sights, the Eiffel Tower, the-”

“Y/N!” he said again slightly louder this time.

You blinked at his interruption, confused.

He bit his lip and his eyes fell downward. “I’ve been-“ he sighed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

You could tell by his expression and tone that it wasn’t going to be good. The excitement in your face dimmed as you prepared for what might possibly come next.

“The boys and I, we’re uhh- we’ve got another tour coming up...” he trailed off, unable to continue his thought.

“Well, that’s great, you love touring,” you replied supportively, but still cautious.

“Yeah but the thing is... look, it uhh, it’ll get in the way of France. I won’t be able to go,” he said quietly.

Your expression fell completely. What he had said didn’t register immediately but when it did your emotions were jumbled.

Before you could respond he continued, “But I want to meet your parents, we can still do that, I’d love to meet them.” It was a vain attempt to soften the shattering news you’d just received.

You still couldn’t say anything, though a number of options were running through your head. You couldn’t sort out if you were angry or sad or a combination of both.

“Would you please say something?”

You turned around from the mirror to look at him. “What would you like me to say? I can’t say anything, can I?” You got up from the bench and stood facing him head on.

He looked at you apologetically. “Y/N-” he started, getting up as well and making his way to you.

You interrupted before he could continue, “We’ve been planning this trip for a year, Roger. You’ve already cancelled it once before because you needed to focus on your album and recording, and now you’re going to leave for tour again?”

“I’m sorry, I know, but you know I can’t do much about it, I wish I could,” he said, reaching for your hand as if establishing some sort of physical contact would ease your anger.

You pulled your hand away before he could touch it. “You can’t do anything? I’m sure you could’ve done something earlier, you’ve known we were going for so long!”

“Come on, love, don’t be like that.”

“You knew it would come in the way didn’t you? You knew! And you kept it from me!” Your voice was getting louder now, but you didn’t care. “You don’t even want to go with me do you?”

He frowned at your remark. “You think I don’t want to go with you? Really?” he said quietly.

Your face was getting hotter and you felt the threat of angry tears making their way out. “Yes! That’s exactly what I think! You can’t expect me to think otherwise when you’ve cancelled it not once, but twice!” The two of you were getting closer now as the argument continued.

His voice was beginning to get louder too. “You know how important these things are, Y/N! I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be like this!”

That made you even angrier and you felt the tears well up in your eyes. “‘Like this’? How do you want me to react? We don’t keep things from each other, Roger! And that sure as hell isn't a good excuse! You know how badly I wanted to go on this trip with you! I just wanted to spend time with you, don’t you get that?” You were practically in each others faces at this point.

“Please, you don’t care about that, you only want to go for croissants and the goddamn Eiffel Tower and all that stupid shit,” he said, quite obviously with the intent of taking a jab at you.

You took a step back and blinked causing warm tears to fall down your cheeks. Roger had ripped you a new wound. “Yeah? Okay.” You nodded, looking away from him as more tears fell. As stupid as what he said was, it stung. Saying that you didn’t care about him made you want to punch him in the nose, and worse, it implied that maybe he didn’t know you, that you didn't know each other as well as you thought you did.

“If you think I don’t care about you being there.. If you think I don’t care about you, after all this time, then maybe we’re just not…” You sighed. You couldn’t finish, but you didn’t have to, he knew what you were saying. You turned and walked towards the door. Your hand rested on the doorknob and you turned your head slightly to look back at him. “Have fun on your tour, Roger,” you said, opening the door and leaving without another word.

When you stepped out, the rain was pouring and you braced yourself under the protection of the front door overhead before running towards your car. The rain temporarily camouflaged the tears on your face, but when you sat in your car they rolled down uncontrollably. You slammed your hands against the steering wheel, yelling curses, then finally collapsed onto the wheel with your head in your arms.

Meanwhile, in the house Roger was throwing things in anger at the walls, that somehow weren’t suffering any damages from his rampage.

Neither of you were going to sleep that night.

***

It’d been over two weeks since you’d left Roger’s house. In the aftermath of your argument you found yourself spending the time at your parents’ house about an hour away. You didn’t think your mum even liked the idea of him anymore after seeing what a wreck you’d become the past few days. It was ironic, only a little while back you wanted him to meet your parents and now you weren’t sure if they’d even look him in the eye if they saw him, but neither would you.

For the first three days you’d cried all that you could, the mixture of disappointment and anger and sadness and hurt had washed over and become more of a dull ache in your heart. The fact that you’d had no contact with him in the past two weeks helped, you wouldn’t be able to stand it if you had to hear his voice.

You’d been staying in for a while, not in the mood to go out or do anything really, but now you thought you were finally ready to leave the house. You took a long, almost boiling shower and came out feeling more refreshed than you have in a while. You threw on some fresh clothes and pulled your wet hair out of the towel.

You heard the doorbell from upstairs, but your parents were out, so you ran down the stairs to get it, ruffling your wet hair to break up the clumps. “Coming!” A trail of water drops followed you down to the door.

When you pulled the door open, your eyes met with his baby blues. Your heart dropped and you stepped back in shock. “R-Roger…” You swallowed hard.

“Hey, Y/N.” The corner of his mouth twitched upward, but his eyes were sad. “Can we talk?” His demeanor was that of a guilty puppy.

You wanted to slam the door in his face. In your mind you knew you should’ve, and seeing his face reminded you of the nights spent in tears. But thinking back to the events of that night, you felt a twinge of regret. Maybe if he’d come to you sooner you wouldn’t feel this way, you probably would’ve undoubtedly turned him away, but now you thought if anything you should at least let whatever this is play out, just to know. “I-uhh… yeah.” You opened the door further and stepped aside to let him in. “Yeah, sure.”

He stepped inside and you closed the door behind him. “These are uh- these are for you,” he said holding out the bouquet of white roses that were in his hand.

You took them from him timidly, but couldn’t bring yourself to thank him for them. You set them down on the table. “Rog, what are you doing here?” you asked, rather bluntly.

“I missed you,” he said, looking at the ground. “And I had to see you.” He met your eyes with his. “I kept thinking about how we left things and you haven’t been answering my calls and I couldn’t just-” he sighed, “I couldn’t just leave things the way they were.” He stepped closer to you and there was only about a foot between you. You were looking down to avoid his gaze.- “Y/N, I am so sorry. And I know that doesn’t cut it, I know we’re past that, but I had to say it. I’m sorry I was such a jerk, I’m sorry for not telling you, I’m sorry I didn’t just put you first.” It had seemed rehearsed, the way that each apology rolled into the next one.

Your eyes began to gloss over, part of you was still angry, but you wanted to forgive him, you wanted the pain to end. Your head was going back and forth like a pendulum trying to figure out if you should forgive him, if that really is the right decision for the both of you. Every negative emotion you felt in the aftermath of your argument boiled back up and you took a deep breath in, as if sucking in the air would keep the tears from surfacing.

As if he could hear the thoughts running through your mind, he continued, “You don’t have to forgive me, I don’t expect you to.”

“I want to…” you said softly. “I want to forgive you so badly. But every time I think about it, I remember that you lied and you kept secrets, despite the fact that you knew how important it was to me.”

“I know. I know I did, and Y/N I wish I could take all of it back, I do.”

You finally looked up at him, the pools slipping from your eyes. “If you knew I wouldn’t forgive you, then why did you come here,” you asked demandingly.

He bit his lip. “Just because I don’t expect you to, doesn’t mean I’m not hoping you will.” he replied quietly. “Y/N I need you. You’re my better half, you’re my light. And…” he trailed off.

You raised your eyebrows at him, silently urging him to continue.

“And I’m catching a flight tomorrow morning. I couldn’t leave without seeing you.”

The tension in your face released at that and you blinked in confusion. “You-You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” he replied softly.

A silence fell between you. His words, ‘you’re my light’ rang in your head. The awful feeling that came over you when he revealed that he was leaving made you realize that you need him, too. If you let him go without fixing things, you might lose him forever.

“Roger…”

His face lit up slightly with hope.

You looked up at him and lifted yourself up on your toes, holding on to him by his arms and pressed your lips against his. After the initial surprise, Roger bent down a bit to allow you to get off your toes and deepened the kiss. When you released you wrapped your arms around him, your cheek against his chest. “I forgive you,” you said.

You could feel the tension in his body loosen at your words.

“Thank god,” he said, resting his chin on your head. You stayed in your embrace for a while. “I missed this.” His eyes fell closed.

You pulled away suddenly to look him in the eyes, “but you aren’t getting off that easy, you need to promise you won’t ever, ever keep anything from me ever again.”

“I promise,” he said.

“I’m not done. You also have to make up for a lot when you get back. I’m going to hang this over your head for long time, so get ready buddy.”

He smiled down at you. “I’m gonna miss you when I’m gone.”

You sighed. “I don’t want you to go, Rog. We were going to spend a trip with no one but each other and now you’re going,” you said, knowing that it wouldn’t really make a difference.

“And I promise I will make up for that, but you know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

You scoffed, “Yeah well, whoever said that was stronger than me.”

He grabbed your hand and held it in his. “You’ll do fine and besides,” he pulled a stiff piece of paper from the inside of his jacket, “you’re going to meet me along the way.”

He handed it to you and you unfolded it. It was a plane ticket.

“Is this…”

“Yup” he confirmed, face gleaming.

The destination written on it: Orly Airport, France.

As you were about to say something else, your mother entered the room. Her smile fell when she noticed Roger in the room by your side.

“Who’s this?” she asked rather sharply, knowing in the back of her mind the identity of the blonde stranger.

“Mum- This is- Uh-” you sighed, “This is Roger.”

She frowned at the mention of his name. “What is he doing here?” she asked politely, but with a coarse undertone.

“I came to give Y/N here, these flowers,” he added in, picking them up from the table.

You looked up at Roger with a smile. “Yeah.” You turned your gaze back to your mother. “We’re alright,” you said, reassuring her.

Her expression softened. Roger stuck out a hand which she took hold of and shook softly.

“Rog?” He turned to look at you. “Would you like to stay for dinner? My mum makes a mean spaghetti and meatballs.”

“I’d love to.”

You and Roger helped set up the table, him placing the forks and knives slightly crooked, and you going behind him and fixing them.

From the kitchen you heard your mother, “Roger, honey, could you help me in the kitchen?”

He gave you a slightly nervous look and you smiled reassuringly at him. “Go, she doesn’t bite,” you said nodding your head in the direction of the kitchen.

He headed over to the kitchen and your mother was busy over the stove. He stood off to the side of her while she worked. “You need help?” he asked.

“Roger I called you in here to talk to you,” she said, still focusing on cooking.

He felt a pit in his stomach. This can’t be good.

She turned to him finally, “Y/N said that you’re both okay now, but you didn’t see her these past few days. My baby was really hurting, I need you to promise me that won’t happen again.”

He felt a pang of guilt at hearing that. Having to face you after hurting you was already difficult enough, but hearing it from your mother made him feel a new level of terrible.

“Mrs. Y/L/N, I am so sorry I put her through that. I made a mistake, it was stupid and selfish of me. But I love your daughter, more than anything. I promise I won’t ever hurt her again.”

His voice was sincere and apologetic, and you could hear it from the corner outside the kitchen where you were eavesdropping.

“Right then,” she said. She turned to the cupboard and grabbed the bowls. “Here,” she said, plopping them into his hands with a smile.

He smiled back at her and exited the kitchen. When he turned the corner he saw you, leaning against the wall outside the kitchen. “Hey, whatcha doing there?”

You straightened up quickly. “Uh- nothing…”

He chuckled a bit. “So how much of that did you hear?”

The corners of your mouth turned upwards. You placed a kiss on his cheek. “Just enough,” you replied. You took the bowls from him, turned around, and walked briskly towards the dining table, leaving him smiling behind you.

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #roger taylor imagine #ben hardy x reader #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy!roger taylor #john deacon #freddie mercury #brian may #gwilym lee #joe mazzello #rami malek #lucy boynton #imagine #x reader #queen #bohemian rhapsody #ben #mine #fic #abbys3kfics #not my gif

[pbandjesse]

 Im not having a very good night. I feel just absolutely miserable. And i trimmed my bangs to try to feel better about myself and now there are little hair shards in my sweatshirt and just everything feels bad tonight. It sucks. I just want to feel okay in my own house!! I hate feeling so bad all of the time. I thought I was getting better. But I just feel worse. 

Getting really bad sleep last night didnt help the situation. The cats were crying and acting crazy all night. I love Andrew, he is very sweet. But he needs to stop biting sweetP! SweetP doesnt understand and doesnt do anything and just cries. Its not fun! SweetP doesnt understand cat gestures and the interactions are rough at best.It was really distressing and we tried to sequester them but they kept being loud and so sleep wasnt ideal. 

But I didnt feel so bad today. I woke up around 9 when James was leaving for his first restaurant shift. I wished him luck and laid down for a while longer. But eventually I got up and got myself ready for the day. I felt bad about my hair and face and clothes all day today. Which sucks a lot because I love this dress. But I was cold so I had a sweater on and my favorite sweater is in the wash and none of my others were making me feel very nice. It wasnt a fun time but I did my best to make myself not so sad about it. 

I did enjoy my morning. I had a really nice breakfast. I mixed in some chipolte leftovers into my eggs. And just enjoyed some time to myself. I feel like some of the issue is I just really like being alone. And lately I have not had that at all. Like I love James so much, and having Jess here was great, and the multiple nights a week of DND can be fun. But I feel like I havent had much long term alone recovery time. And its wearing on me really hard. I also just feel like I have to keep explaining myself about why I just want to be alone and everyone is like yes! Totally understandable! But then I feel so guilty that I dont actually relax in the alone time Im given. 

So having 3 or 4 hours to myself was nice. And so I decided I would take a nice drive out through the tree lined roads and get a lunch. It was a beautiful day and I felt good. More at peace. I got five guys,  which wasnt great. It upset my whole thing. Like I havent enjoyed the fried foods I have been getting now that Im doing better with my diet. But that doesnt curb the cravings, it just makes me feel bad when it tastes like ash in my mouth. 

But it was alright. I got to the school and soon Marcus was there. I brought my scooter and my nice long board to play with with the kids. I spent my set up time getting the board ready and reinforcing the honey combs the kids started making yesterday. But then we got told it was heart market today! The food bank was here. So me and Marcus went to that and got corn and potatoes and peanutbutter and jelly. I also got some apples and oranges.  Excellent. Love heart market. 

And the kids were pretty good today. Damien had better luck on the long board. And I had fun playing around with them. I wish I had more places I could use it here but its to hilly. Maybe this summer when me and Jess go stay at the beach. Well see. I would enjoy that but not near all the traffic here!

It was a pretty good day. But I was starting to lose energy. I was glad to go home. I felt sort of weird. Cairo, one of the new teachers this year,  brought me coconut rice which was so nice of her.  She is incredibly cool and it smelled so nice. But my stomach felt weird from the five guys so I am saving that rice for tomorrow. 

Driving home was stressful because an alarm was going off in the car and I didnt know what was happening and it scared me real bad. But it turned out it was the groceries on the front seat. The car thought a person was unbuckled. Incredible. Terrifying alarms.

When I got back here James gave me hugs but then quickly went out to get a few things from the store. I started not feeling good more and more and when he was back I was really upset and eventually I fell asleep on the couch from being sad. 

I woke up and was alright enough but not happy. Which is where I am now. Tonight just isnt fun for me. I just dont feel good and its not nice. 

I really hope tomorrow I feel better. Its going to be a very long day. I have museum and teacher and a meeting and then aerials! A really long day. 

I hope you all have a nice night and that tomorrow is a better day. Goodnight everyone. 

#ootd #work #kids art #skateboard #wensday

[ivyylai]

letters to Dad

7/2018 Did I really want the whole world to know each time I cried while doing homework or those times when the tears wouldn’t stop while I was driving your car. What about the pain I felt when I found your business card or a note with your calligraphy? Would that make them understand what a loss I had? Would they know that you were the best father anyone could have asked for? Would they know what a huge movie fanatic you were and how I bawled when I tried accessing the charter.net account only to find that I didn’t know the single most important question: your favorite movie of all time. I sat there and cried some more. I wish I spent more time with you. I wish I had stayed in the ICU that last night. 10/2018 I hate myself for wanting to go home because I couldn’t bear to see you attached to all the machines. I replay the moment I sprung up in bed to head to the hospital only to find that mom and I were too late. The past few months after were a complete blur to me, but I know that our family and friends were there. 11/2018 I work in the healthcare field now and I see patients who look a lot like you—the average Chinese dad dressed in Ralph Lauren polos tucked in with faded blue jeans and glasses with rubber nose pads. I wonder if they have someone like me, who idolized you, in their lives. Often times, I see older patients who come in with their daughters or sons, and they have binders filled with past medical history, recent lab and imaging reports. It makes me wish that I had the chance to do the same. It makes me wonder how scary it would have been to go through the illness alone— something that you put yourself through so that you wouldn’t make the family worry. I am angry that you pushed away your illness. I kept going to work and school and now i feel foolish for not giving you more time. The truth is that I was really scared of losing you or worse, watching my hero suffer with something that I couldn’t help with. You will always be a hero in my heart. P Now that I think about it, the average Chinese dad style is currently trending. 1/2019 These past months I haven’t stopped crying. Your passing has been the biggest heartbreak I have ever had to go through. I’ve cried so much and I don’t think I can stop. Everything makes me wish you were here Dad and I’m sorry that I can’t be stronger. 

 2/28/2019 Had a dream about you Dad. We were in the Monterey Park house, the one with a lot of staircases and patios. You were waiting to take me to school. I broke down crying because I was stressing out over hw and school. You tried giving me money but that wasnt the thing that made me happy. Then I hugged you and told you I love you and that you need to take care of your health. You assured me with your “ge thou la”. It meant you knew and most of the time— it meant that everything would be okay. You were really squishy. Then I woke up crying in pain. I wish I was able to tell you. I haven’t dreamed about you in so long. Maybe because I’ve been afraid of missing you or afraid of facing reality. I’m still numb and I’ll never stop being in so much pain. Dad I love you. I love you so much. Please take care of yourself and Grandpa. He passed away recently too. I hope you get to see your parents, brother, and sister. I hope you’re all truly happy up there. 

5/11/2019  A-bah. This year has been really hard on me. There were countless amount of days where I couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed and I stayed confined to our house while the world kept turning outside. I feel guilty for not being stronger, the way you would have wanted. Many times it feels as if my world stopped turning while everyone else moved on. Dad, I’ve been trying to fix it— I’m trying so hard to be happier, to do better things for people and for myself. But I’m still numb and I don’t know where to go from here. Dad, I’m really scared, lonely, and lost. I’m still hurt and I’m so sorry I am not stronger.

 5/12/2019 Dad, it’s Mother’s Day. I know it is silly to feel sad on Mother’s Day because you always told me that it’s a day dedicated to our hardworking and talented mother. Last year, mom had a huge surgery— and I remember you woke me up on the couch to make sure I spent the night with her while she was recovering at San Gabriel Valley Medical hospital. I spent the whole night with her then. Little did I know that you were actually trying your best to avoid the hospital because you were sick inside, ridden with unbearable amount of nerve pain and nausea. But the year prior to her surgery, do you remember when I paid for dinner after I got off of work at my restaurant job? We ate Korean bbq, which was also when you warned me to drive safely after only 1 shot of soju. I had just started driving then and I thought your comments were unnecessary. I will always treasure that memory with me as the ability to be financially stable enough to afford a nice dinner with my entire family, including my brother’s family. I remember you had so much fun that night and I hope you were proud of me.  I’m now president of my school club and I work with sick patients every day. It’s still extremely painful to know you are no longer here but I hope you are smiling as you see me make a difference in the world.  6/5/2019 Happy birthday A-bah. Today was a pretty good day at work. I thought a lot about how lucky I am to have been your daughter. Many people have fathers who were too busy working to give their children time. Some people didn’t even have fathers and some people had fathers who were unhappy with themselves so they inflict unhappiness upon their family. Not me, I was fortunate enough to be born to you, a humble, generous, good father who was sometimes too good to be true. You were always lenient with me and gave me time to learn from my own mistakes. You let me believe that I could do anything that I wanted. As a little girl, you spoiled me with toys and gifts every weekend, you fed me only the finest of foods even though we were not a rich family. You made me think that I was the luckiest little girl in the world and I still believe that. Any one who has ever crossed paths with you can would agree that you were a good man. One that worked hard to provide a beautiful home to his wife and kids. You were a humble man with a humor and you taught me what it means to be human: to not have all the money in the world but to live comfortably, eat just enough, and to be happy. I still miss your sashimi chef skills in the kitchen and I miss the loving phrase of “did you eat yet?” that you would ask whenever I came home from work or school. I hope I will be able to see you again someday. I’m trying my best to learn how to be comfortable and happy, something I didn’t quite understand before. Don’t worry Dad, I’m doing fine. I have our family and my friends to keep me company until I see you again. You are the best father I could have ever asked for and I am so grateful to have been your daughter.

[theyrealllegends]

Careful (Roger Taylor x Reader)

Chapter Summary: You’re not the only one who’s developing feelings but Roger is too, trying to have you close to him at first, but then he’s trying to forget you over way too much scotch. This is how both of you get sick and he takes care of you again. 

Author’s Note: It’s Roger’s POV in this chapter, yeeet! (Please don’t @ me I can’t tell you why and if you don’t like it I’ll never attempt it again, I promise)

Words: ~2k

Warnings: I’d rate this mature because (and this is a spoiler) someone’s masturbating aaand there’s drinking again and eventually someone has to throw up

Chapter 4

Previous Parts: Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3

I couldn’t fall asleep that night because Tiffany never left my head: her reddish-blonde curls, her incredibly green eyes, her lips for fucks sake - I needed that. I craved being close to her, to feel her, to hear her breath like I’d never wanted anything else. The boys had noticed that I was hitting my drums harder than I usually did while messing up their rhythms and I knew that they knew that something was off but they wouldn’t mention it if I got myself under control before our next gig tomorrow night. I just didn’t see how that was possible, when I was now here, lying awake and only the thought of Tiffany’s voice made my whole stomach feel light, in the best way possible. I had no idea how long I’d been staring in the dark but I was seriously contemplating to go out and either get drunk or find some girl to do whatever it took to distract myself. I just couldn’t let myself think about what I’d do to her if she hadn’t been this innocent little princess I saw, every time I looked at her. Even though only my refusal to think of that was enough to give me a hard one, already. I swallowed hard as I carefully touched myself and I stopped trying to shake the thought of her because I knew I couldn’t while I was masturbating - what would it feel like to bury myself in her body, feel her skinny, yet strong legs wrap around me and see her losing herself in my thrusts. God, I just wanted her to feel as good as she made me feel when I got into the kitchen to a prepared breakfast, when I didn’t feel like a dumbass because she’d make me study and when I managed to make her laugh. I gripped on my own hair at the thought of her laugh, trying to imagine it were her tiny hand and her skinny fingers pulling on the strands while I held back a moan. Tiffany Abberforth was the most precious human being on this planet and I’d have to protect her with my whole life, I knew that for a fact. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“You wanna join me tonight?”, I asked her, when I met her in the kitchen the next morning. Probably I was being selfish to try and get her out of the comfort of our flat, but I wanted her to be closer to me anytime. She was reading some book like the smart girl she was but she put it away as soon as I tried to talk to her. 

“Where are you going?”

“The boys and I have a gig and I thought - since you’re freed now - you might like…?”

“Are you trying to make me drunk two out of three nights in a row?”, she called me out in a joking tune and it made me smile to see her that relaxed. 

“Of course not, but I’d like you around me two out of three nights in a row.” Damn, she had no idea what she did to me when she blushed. She looked down at her hands, seemingly battling herself to a decision. “No pressure, Tiffy, if you’re there, you’re there and if not I’ll still play for you.”

“You know it’s not because I don’t want to hear you play, right, Rog?”

“Do I?”, I asked and leaned my head to the side a little too let her know I wasn’t completely serious. 

“I can’t see myself enjoying your show in a huge crowd at all, it scares me, especially since I wouldn’t know anyone watching you, too and I - “

“You can join us for our rehearsal on Friday, if you prefer that.”

“That’s perfect”, she immediately agreed and I felt great about it. It relieved the thought of being rejected, at least. 

“We can have dinner after, if you’d like.”

“We always have dinner, Rog.”

“No, I mean, you and me - and the boys if we can’t get rid of them - having dinner in a restaurant, if you’d like.” Now I was the one blushing, I feared, as she looked at me in surprise. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that”, she said after a moment and I smiled at her. 

“Me too, Tiffy.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I knew I shouldn’t really - even though there wasn’t anything exclusive about Tiffany and me, there wasn’t a “we” if it came to anything else than talking about our shared flat situation, but I still felt guilty and like I wasn’t supposed to let all the girls approach me after our gig. 

“Hey there, sweet boy”, one of them purred, “How you doing, love?”, the other one said and “You did so amazing!”, I heard a third one while they really gave me a hard time to move forward, just trying to get to the bar behind Brian. Their hands were all over me and I was glad I didn’t wear something too showing or open, even, and it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just felt like it wasn’t fair. I wasn’t looking for anything they had to give me, instead I was trying to figure out which of them reminded me the most of Tiffany, really, and I knew that was just wrong. 

“Thanks, girls, but let me have a drink first, would you?”

Of course I ended up buying the three of them drinks and I hated to admit it, but it was kind of a given that I went outside “to smoke”, only to make out with one of them, finally letting go of the thought of Tiffany’s emerald green eyes. I didn’t enjoy the night at the girl’s place - as if the universe wanted to punish me, really, for drinking myself into a state where I didn’t only forget about the girl’s - or Tiffany’s - name but also about my own, to a state where I didn’t care about anything anymore, trying to find relieve in it. I couldn’t even remember the sex for the love of god, only assuming it was good, by how the girl was cuddled against me, how our clothes were all over the floor. But the mattress woke me up, squeaking and poking into my back, which didn’t make the pain in my head any better. I just stumbled to grab my clothes and left, unable to look back at the girl or respond when she called for me, only heading for the door. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the hole situation getting the best of me, but I didn’t make it really far without throwing up and horribly cursing myself. I’d done dumb things but they didn’t really compare to last night. 

Also, when I got home, there was light in the kitchen. It was an early morning and I knew, Tiffany was one to get up before sunrise but couldn’t that girl let herself get some rest once? She was reaching for the medicine cabinet, when I stepped into the kitchen, feeling her eyes on me and suddenly realising that I could easily be covered in my own vomit, if I was as unlucky as I felt that moment. 

“You need help?”, I asked nonetheless and the worry in her eyes got wilder as she heard my hoarse voice. 

“Where have you been?”

“I couldn’t tell you her name, even if I wanted to and I really shouldn’t have gone”, I tried to explain, unable to lie to her, or stand her quizzing look another second. “I feel sick, man, I had way too much scotch last night.” What would I do next, call her “mate”? This is really a great way to safe your ass out of this situation, seriously, keep going, Taylor, you’re doing great. 

“Makes two of us, though”, Tiffany murmured and stepped away, acknowledging that she was a bit too tiny to reach the pain killers. I reached up, to hand them to her, unable to look her way - mostly because I was really aware of the bad taste in my mouth and I didn’t want her to smell me in the end. 

“What’s wrong, love?”, I still asked, scared that she wasn’t alright. 

“I get sick after every exam period, really and here I am, coming down with a fever.”

“Then, hush, to bed!”, I said, grabbing her to make her move and tug her in, before I could escape into the bathroom. “I’ll make you tea and get you soup, you just stay there, you hear me?”, I rambled in the process of getting her into her bed. I started brushing my teeth, while I went into the kitchen to put some tea water to a boil and looked through the cabinets for soup, realising I’d have to pick some up at the store. That wasn’t half bad in the end, because it forced to make myself look somewhat decent and I could get new cigarettes, cheese and toast at the store too, so I could at least eat some terrible breakfast when I came back to find Tiffany asleep. 

I prepared the soup as it said on the pack and carefully carried it to her night stand, before I sat down next to Tiffany and softly ran my fingers over her face to make her wake up. Her skin was really clean and soft, but it felt hot to a point that I wished I knew a doctor, a better one than myself, for sure. 

“Wake up, sweet girl, you need to get your soup down, so you’ll get better.” She smiled at me weakly and tried to move to a sitting position, so she could cuddle against her bed’s headboard and slowly eat the soup I held for her. I watched her eat in silence while I sat next to her, my legs crossed on her mattress, realising I should turn her heater up for a start. The tea water had gotten cold while I was gone so I reheated it, to finally make the tea she needed and I looked at her in her bed critically, while she sipped it. “Tiffy, do you want me to get you more pillows?”, I asked because it was kind of impossible that I had more pillows than she did, right? She giggled at me and moved her head for me to come closer. 

“Rog, you’re acting like my mom - worse, actually, because she doesn’t consider you sick as long as your bones aren’t broken.”

“But -“

“I just need to rest, don’t worry”, she didn’t let me interrupt her. “You should go, so I don’t infect you.”

“I won’t leave you alone, unless that was your attempt to kick me out.”

“No, it wasn’t”, she explained and I felt relieved. She didn’t seem to be angry at me or the way I’d spent my night and that made me feel a little less sick. 

“Good, then”, I said and slipped under her covers. Her eyes were on me, looking a little shocked, otherwise just intensely focused on me, as I moved towards her to rest her head on one of my arms and spoon her. “You fine, love?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to -“

“But I want to”, I whispered into the back of her neck. 

“Thank you”, she murmured, shifting around a little to get the most comfortable.

“I was worried, when you didn’t come home.”

“I’m so sorry, Tiff”, I told her again, honestly. “I really shouldn’t have gone.”

“Glad you realised that”, she mumbled and it made me chuckle a little. Her breathing became slower and deeper when she feel asleep and I hummed one of the songs, the boys and I were working on, to fasten up the process, until I eventually fell asleep as well. 

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#roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor fluff #roger taylor fanfic #ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy fanfic #bohemian rhapsody #bohrap fanfiction #fanfiction #queen #queen fanfiction

[jupiterparker]

One More Stupid Pun (p.p)

Words count: 1.2k

Paring: Peter Parker x Reader 

Warnings: infinity war spoilers

A/N: I blame the need for angst on @peachesandparker

Request: yes or no

In which -> puns are used to tease you, and you kept up hope for no reason

Masterlist

You had known your best friends, Peter, Ned, and MJ since freshman year, when you had moved from the west coast to here, all the way across. They had welcomed you with open arms, them also glad to make friends, as they to were loners. It was nice in that sense, you had a strong relationship with them, by the time sophomore year came around, they were your family.

And family, you learn a lot of stuff about them, especially some ‘fun’ facts about each of them, mainly surrounding puns. See a fun fact about Peter and Ned is that they LOVE puns. Fun fact about you was that you HATED puns, wait, more like you despised them. 

So far so good right? Well fun fact about MJ, she didn’t necessarily like puns, but her dislike for puns was outweighed by her love of teasing and annoying you. So for two years they whenever they were bored, they all ganged up on you and would annoy you with puns, you weren’t that annoyed since you knew they meant good, and secretly you would laugh at some of that inside your head. Again, they were your family. You were an only child, making you cherish your chosen siblings.

Another interesting ‘fun’ fact about Peter was that he was Spider Man. This you had found about around two months ago after homecoming. See, you had found out after iron man had left the suit in a bag for Peter, and you walked in on him in his room (who’s door was wide open, really Peter?), just before he was about the put on the mask. So yeah, thats how you had found out. You had also promptly started hitting him with the bag as he was spouting a bunch of different spider puns.

“I’ve spent a lot a time on the web looking at Spider Man videos.” You didn’t even know spider puns existed, and now you knew around 50.

But now, you and Ned were the only ones who knew about Spider Man other than Tony Stark, and so you became closer to them. You were concerned about the fact that MJ didn’t know, but Peter stressed it was to keep her safe, after all, both you and Ned found out by accident. (but after threatening to hit him again with the bag, Peter promised to tell MJ as soon as it felt safe enough) But you and Peter became especially close, which you found surprising given how much you threatened him with a bag, but it still made sense as you didn’t bug him about Spider Man as much as someone (cough Ned cough) and you two acted like twins joined at the hip. 

So today you all were going on a field trip to some science museum, you didn’t know specifically cause you weren’t paying attention, and you knew if you asked, it couldn’t potentially cause more puns. But it wasn’t like those three dorks were already bombarding you with puns on the bus. Since you guys were going to a science museum, which was a fitting destination for a science school, Peter and Ned decided it was fitting to only tell you science puns for an hour. And oh boy, you were ready to snap.

Pretty fed up you turned to your right, telling Peter while laughing “If you make one more stupid pun, I will actually murder you.”

Peter just grinned at you ,knowing full well that you weren’t that serious, but you were getting annoyed, so he decided to give you some slack, in about five minutes. But Peter loved bantering with you over puns, but right before he was going to reply back, he closed his mouth, starring at his arm intensely. The tension in the air around you had become more stronger, and you looked at him worriedly. 

Before you could ask him what was wrong, Peter turned to you, telling, almost ordering you “I need you to cause a distraction”. Surprised at his tone, you were about to question him further until you looked into his eyes, only seeing worry and seriousness, and you knew that this wasn’t an elaborate set up for a pun. You nodded at him, causing him to become for determined and rummaging through his bag, before you turned back to the seat behind you, making eye contact with Ned, letting him know you needed help, as he was listening onto you and Peter. 

You two caused a mess, when Ned looked around an saw a ringed spaceship, which created a beautiful diversion, all while creating a sinking feeling in your stomach. It got worse when you looked and saw why Peter needed the diversion. That idiot boy was heading straight onto danger. The one thing you knew he promised Aunt May not to do.

There were times you admired how caring Peter was, how selfless he was. This wasnt one of those times, and you wished just so hard, that he had decided to be selfish and stay with you, but you knew he would be back. He always came back.

So you waited for him. And waited. And waited. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and by the time it was 4 fucking months, you weren’t so sure he would be back anymore. But still you pretended that you had faith, because you that if you lost faith, so would Ned, MJ, and especially Aunt May, who had so many people already ripped from her. You felt the pressure of keeping the hope for him alive. Because losing hope was so much worse then pretending that there was still hope. But thats just what you told yourself. 

 And then one day, around 6 months after the field trip, you got a call. A very special call since it came from a certain Tony Stark. When you answered, you were so scared, unsure if he called with good or bad news but you hoped. Hoped it would be good, that your optimism and strength to keep the other people up and worked, that it wasn’t all for nothing. But you knew, you knew that as time went on, it was more likely to be bad news.

And why did you have to be right. All you heard was “He’s gone, I’m sorry”. 

That’s all he told you in a crying whisper, with a ghost of a sob heard as he hung up straight afterwards, feeling guilty about delivering the news to you, the person who tried the hardest to keep hope. You stood there with shock, before sliding down a wall, hands going to you face, causing you to drop the phone, the screen shattering. You sobbed for several minutes, freezing when you remembered what you the last words you told Peter. 

All you could say to yourself was “fuck you Peter, I was supposed to be the one murdering you for that pun”, you laughed mid sob, causing tears to come down even faster as more guilt and sadness over washed you.

“I just want to hear one more pun from you Peter” you whispered, mainly to yourself, and also to the ghost of Peter that you were thinking about, “One more stupid pun”.

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[ariesbilly]

Tell me more about FP and Hiram fucking at the Halloween party because hermione was going out with fred!!!!

one of you just… had to ask… fortunately for you i already have the night mapped out. also i never specified it was halloween but ya know… tis the season so imagine what you want. anyway.

it starts off with fp standing back somewhere sulking and watching fred and hermione flirt with each other all night and kiss and touch etc and he’s clearly visibly upset and no longer into this whole party situation. cue hiram coming up behind him and following his line of sight and he scoffs, makes a comment about how pathetic fps being to which fp responds “please. like youre not sitting here plotting your revenge on fred” 

hiram puts on his best cars salesman smile and says “actually ive got other plans. got some candy upstairs if you’re interested. it’s fresh.” which is code for hiram went into the city that week to pick up more coke and its the good shit. 

now, fp isnt really that much of a partier when it comes to anything stronger than weed. sure, he partakes from time to time but in general its not really his thing. but he takes one look up and sees fred with his tongue shoved so far down hermiones throat he doesnt know how either one of them is still breathing and he thinks fuck it. might as well make the best of a shitty situation. so he downs the rest of his beer and follows hiram upstairs.

theyre a couple of lines in and fps got a good high going when hiram starts talking about fred and hermione and what they must be up to right now and fp does not want to hear about this. 

“dont you have anything better to talk about? better yet, how about you just dont talk at all.”

“what, youre still acting like it doesnt bother you?”

“it doesnt”

“liar.”

and fine. fp’s lying. but he’s not about to admit that to hiram so instead he gives a half assed “thanks for the drugs” and makes for the door.

but then hirams grabbing his shoulder and telling him to wait, crowds in to fps space which is really hilarious considering fps got a significant amount of height on hiram but he’s too high right now to think about that, also apparently at some point hirams hand has ended up on his crotch so... he’s a little distracted.

hirams massaging fp through his jeans and talking about how its not fair that fred and hermione get to have all the fun and they should be allowed a little something too, is taunting fp with “theyre probably already in the bathroom down the hall as we speak. hermione on her knees... sucking fred off...” 

and next thing hiram knows fps growling and spinning him around, bending him over on the desk and hiram has got the biggest shit-eating grin on his face cuz he knows he just fucking won. says “thats more like it” as he hears fp behind him undoing his belt and hirams scrambling with his own. 

fp fumbles around with the condom, asks hiram where he keeps his lube and reaches over into the desk drawer to retrieve it. 

theres a moment of hesitation on fps part where asks hiram if he’s done this before because for as much as he cant stand the guy, a coke fueled quickie probably isnt the best way to be introduced to anal and fps got a conscience ok? 

but hiram scoffs and says “you wish” and fp rolls his eyes but he’s got all the confirmation he needs to keep going so... he does. 

admittedly he probably couldve spent some more time loosening hiram up but they both know what theyve gotten themselves into and hiram wasnt complaining so.... it was what it was. 

which was hard and fast and angry. 

when it was all said and done and they were tucking themselves back in to their pants, fp couldnt help but feel guilty, which really pissed him off because did fred ever feel guilty about sleeping with half of their graduating class? no. 

but hiram still had that goddamn smile on his face like he was up to trouble.

fp couldnt deal with it anymore. he felt gross. he needed to go home and shower. 

hiram followed and as soon as fp opened the door to step out into the hallway he ran right into none other than... you guessed it... fred and hermione.

everybody was at a standstill. fred knows what a post-sex fp looks like, as does hermione with hiram, so it wasnt hard for them to clock what just happened. fp wouldnt meet freds eyes. fred actually had the nerve to look betrayed, and then pissed when he looked over fps shoulder to hiram standing behind him. hermione was just confused as to why and how this happened and hiram looked like he just won the goddamn lottery. 

fp mumbled something about going home and ducked downstairs as fast as he could and hiram simply said “great party, don’t you think?” before sauntering off without a care in the world. 

oh and you can bet this led to a giant fight between the four of them. fred was pissed at hiram for sleeping with fp. hermione was pissed at fred for being pissed that fp slept with somebody else. fred and fp had a big ass fight about fp sleeping with hiram specifically. hiram and hermione didnt really get into a fight cuz like... they were technically broken up. although she did get mad that hirams whole game plan with fucking fp was just to get back at fred. everybodys so goddamn sloppy i love my kids. 

#snakekingtm #theres a fic to be written here but i just cannot do it. maybe. one day when im older #fp jones #hiram lodge #foram #thats their ship name we're gonna deal with it #briana answers things

[conjunkss]

021219 unfinished thoughts

- Do you have any idea how many nights I spent awake? Because I was too afraid of falling into sleep paralysis, because I couldn't let myself unwind; I had to read or watch or have some sort of stimulus right up to the point of passing out because it wasn't good to think, it hurt to think, so I had to stay occupied at all times. Because although night held dangerous pitfalls, it was still the only time I felt remotely safe and allowed to simply exist, and I didn't have to be responsible for the entire fucking household. Unless arthur needed a bottle, or someone threw up and I had to rush to clean it up. Remember how often that happened? Do you know how many hours I spent laying face down on the filthy, piss encrusted bathroom floor, because that was the only place I could retreat to in exhaustion during the day? You always remarked on how much time I spent in the bathroom. That's because it was the only place I could escape to to try and destress without getting harped on for being selfish and lazy.

- I couldn't do online school. I WASN'T LAZY. I COULDN'T DO IT. I WASNT STRONG ENOUGH TO DO IT AND I WAS ASHAMED. But you know what. I bet I could've done it if

- That day I made dinner. I don't remember

- I wish I had the energy to remember and express. Instead all I have are feelings and jumbled half hidden details that are too difficult to pry into

- Maybe if I go back to them I can prove it was real

- I feel stupid about the shower thing. I tried to explain to jason. I don't think he understood. I

- I need to have solid examples before I can go back. Or else I'll get railroaded and won't be able to say anything in my defense. I can't just waltz in and say "guess what! You hurt me! Ik you think I'm a selfish liar but I was suffering and it was largely your fault and I love you but I hate myself and I hate you a little bit for making me so pathetic and I desperately want to believe you had a hand in making me this way bc then I can maybe be fixed one day but if I'm just inherently this wretched then I'm stuck like this and I desperately want to be better than this but I'm a piece of shit who's not actually putting in the effort to be better!" with no evidence.

- Do you have any idea how much it hurt?? Getting ripped away?? And all you did was make me feel like shit! For missing my fucking family! I knew I wasn't going to be able to see them again for an entire year or more! On top of the guilt of not being able to be there for them, and the pressure of having to pretend I was not just okay, but elated to be back tiptoeing over a field of eggshells! Ecstatic that I was back to take care of you and shawn and the kids! I was trying! I was trying to pretend I was okay but I couldnt! I slipped and you just pummeled me for it, yelling and guilt tripping and accusing me of not loving you, of loving them more, of abandoning you. Fuck you! Fuck off! I was a child who had their family ripped away and I was still trying FOR YOU! You never gave me any acknowledgement for trying so fucking hard to be okay and be your little living crutch again

I was in the worst pain of my life and you took it as an affront to you, and you villified and punished me for it. You punished me for hurting. How dare I stray from the ever-affirming doll you wanted! Every time! Every time! I knew it wasn't safe to hurt but I couldn't stop and I couldn't hide it and you made me felt guilty and wrong and weak and disgusting and selfish for being in pain. And you wondered why I hardly ever had any problems, or why I never told you when I was sick or in pain. Because I wasn't allowed to hurt or have problems. Its amazing how you fool yourself into thinking you don't have hundreds of unspoken rules you ruthlessly enforce.

#prestons messy thoughts #he speaks #emotional abuse #abuse #child abuse #manipulation #trauma #actuallytraumatized

[wardencathiel]

EXILE

Name/gender/appearance/favorite hobby?

opele (pr. “opal”) endac! she goes by just Oh or Elle, if not just her first name. shes a cis girl, and tbh she mostly just looks like lucy liu cuz i got a big fat crush on her and i picked the east asian icon for her. she has a short bob haircut tho, and lean but muscular build, and is in her late 30s. her hobbies are like.. being active and running and stuff like that lol she also likes doing mindless work with her hands so lots of like tinkering with anything, like electronics or mechanical stuff.

Where are they from? Where are they going?

probably nowhere important, and she was too young to remember any part of it, parents included. a no name planet somewhere with a steady but boring colony. where shes going is a lot more interesting since she knows where revan might be.. i think she would really want to go find her and help her with whatever the war is but she would be lying to herself if she didn’t realize she formed a huge attachment to atton. she loves him dearly and it would be really hard to leave him.. if anything, i think the most realistic thing is that she and him went and settled somewhere, keep their heads low, and just live life. shes a tired bitch ok. mb one day she’ll go and find rev but rn she wants to chill.

What did they do to occupy themselves between the Mandalorian Wars and waking up on Peragus?

absolutely nothing. she spent a lot of time during her time cut off from the force just going thru the motions. if anyone noticed she was different or recognized her for whatever reason, she would pack up and leave. a large chunk of her time was spent trying not to form any social bonds, and any time she would start getting to know someone she would bolt. just overall a rly lonely and sad existence. she would work odd jobs and just generally be a shell of her former self.

What was their relationship with Revan like?

well i already sort of answered this in revs but. there was the intimidation cause revan is well............scary lol they are probably close in age so they grew up together in the temple. it was never anything more than a passing interest until the wars and then they sort of? hit it off? in that weird way where u both went thru that conflict together. obviously there was a bond since opeles force issues, but it was more on revans side than opeles. she was mostly just trying to win the war. tldr they liked each other but not as much as revan likes opele.

What was their relationship with Atris like?

well she had no clue atris had feelings for her so their relationship never went past a cold formality... opele thought atris hated her, so she stayed away from her when she could. she wasn’t the type to confront her about it so she just didn’t.

With Kreia?

lot to unpack here lol i think my exile wanted to trust her so badly but like... she knew she wasnt good. i think there was a lot of using, from both sides. kreia wanted to use the exile for obvs. reasons, and my exile wanted to use kreia to relearn all that she had lost during her exile. i do think, though, that kreia probably felt more towards opele than the other way around. like there was definitely like an attachment but... she always knew not to get too close, no matter how much she wished she could. overall i think it was an uneasy relationship, lots of tension but much more learning from one another.

Did they travel with both Mical and Brianna, or only one?

just mical cause i forgot to install the mod, unless there was a way u could w/o the mod?? either way yeah lmao just mical.

Do they regret what they did in the Wars?

part of her always will but she wouldn’t change what she did because she believes that it was necessary. shes... guilty but not very regretful.

How traumatized were they by the visions on Korriban? (Personally, I cried and screamed, but I’m not exactly as tough as a Jedi. I’m probably not even as tough as C-3P0.)

LIKE... personally i was fucked up about it but my exile did pretty well despite the circumstances. she also knew that there was a part of it all that was just visions, wasn’t real, but there is also that very real dark energy gained from not dealing with the visions correctly. she failed some, and won in others, which i think the specifics of really defined her well as a character. she failed the first one- where she was being recruited for the war. she also failed the one where her entire crew was going against kreia, and outright refused to participate and got the whole apathy spiel. she “survived” the rest though, and defeated revan which i think rly ties in well with her almost like? using the dark side? but not falling to it.

Is there romance in their lives?

i’d like to think during their time in the game, there isn’t anything more than an inkling. i luv atton to bits and so does she lol but i think a lot of their romantic stuff is left for after the game- especially with that ending where he’s there waiting for her after kreia and is like so where to next ;w; but before that it is mostly just skirting around the issue. a very slow burn fic lol. i do think she thought about the disciple but he was so much younger than her and it was such a puppy love, it was just like well that dudes in love with me i guess. obvs. nothing before that since she was jedi/exiled

Light side or dark side?

light side, but she was very close to being a grey jedi by the end of it. definitely lighter than my revan post-game tho

How do they feel about the Jedi Order?

there is always going to be that element of betrayal because of what they withheld from her and what they did to her irt her loss of the force for some time. but honestly... she was done with them the moment they didn’t do anything to stop the war. she respected their judgement and teachings but she never considered herself a jedi after they kicked her out, and she never will again. she also thinks they got a lot of it wrong- and that a lot of what kreia said made sense, up until a point.

What happens to them after the game? Do they ever find Revan? Do they ever reconnect to the Force?

i sorta answered this one up there too but basically she stays with atton and just . rly wants to stay put and have a normal life but in the end.. i think she would go to find revan. i also think she would take atton with her, against her better judgement. as for reconnecting tbh? i think it stays how it is with her, where she can use it but there is something there thats fucked up, not right. maybe she tries to figure that out and travels around with atton to get some answers before going to help rev.

BONUS: What do you think happens to all the party members post game?

HMN GOD well i think bao dur got the short end of the stick since hes super unfinished but i think he would definitely go with them until opele is like dude i love u so much but u gotta find ur own way that doesnt involve me. she would have to put distance between them, despite the pain it would cause both of them since they were like... best fucken friends. for everyone else i think, they go their separate ways much quicker than him. they stay in touch cause opele loves them all but she knows its better to keep them away from her because of her force shit. i think miras and the disciples “endings” are pretty good even with the openishness. canderous goes back to do mandalore stuff but stays in touch as well. honestly i dont have a clue about goto and neither does the exile lmao t3, of course, stays with her and atton. hk runs off and does bounty hunter stuff. idk i mostly think about bao dur in this cuz i love him and he deserved better

#kotor character meme #kotor 2 #the exile #star wars #knights of the old republic 2 #chelsea speaks #OK HERES MY OTHER BABY #opele

[magical-agatha]

im scared and tired and life is really hard on both me and my girlfriend. and some nights i cry too much and she cant hold me. she cant really do anything. and tonight she was too tired to even think about helping. and i cried more and more. and she listened and stayed with me and tried to help even though she was far too tired. and im grateful for it. incredibly so. but i also feel guilty and scared. guilty bc i asked for help despite how tired she was. and scared that by doing that i hurt her or pushed her too far or asked too much or something like that. scared that it damaged our relationship somehow.

i need to rationalise things to alter or overcome that fear and guilt.

i was asking for help. not out of selfishness, but because i needed it. at worst that was thoughtless. i was overwhelmed by how stressful life is at the moment, and from the pain ive been in all day, and from being aware of my situation too much. today i wasnt working so i just kind of. slipped out of the world a bit. i had responsibilities i could have done. but instead i spent the whole day hiding in monster hunter and minecraft. it wasnt a conscious choice. more like.. i wasnt coping with reality so i needed to hide.

then when my gf and i finally got to see each other today it was so good and i was so happy to see her. then i realised it was 9.30pm and we had to sleep soon. and it hurt a lot. i started tearing up. lots of little things happened that weren't significant but pushed me over the edge. all the emotion building from the last week or few days broke the dams and i started sobbing and bawling. and she was too tired to help so she just sat with me. at the time i misread that as indifference. but it wasnt indifference. she couldnt help but she could stay with me. i wish id seen that at the time.

i went to wash my hair quickly and cried a lot more in the shower. then i came back and i was quiet and still teary. josie sounded a bit perked up. she was pushing herself to comfort me. i feel guilty about that. i did ask. but realising she was too tired, i got quiet and tried to keep things inside a bit. but i dont think i made things better. i think there was a part of me that was upset with her illogically. so my logic was muddled bc i didnt want to exhaust her further, so i tried to decide to just cry and stuff, but then also there was a tiny part of me.. the bpd part.. that was trying to convince me to guilt trip her. which i am never ever going to do bc thats fucking evil. i love her im not going to treat her that was. but getting quiet and muting after i started crying probably made her feel bad for me. which is why she pushed herself to comfort me. i think it wasnt ideal.. and it was at least a little unfair on her. it wasnt the best way to handle things, but i wasnt being malicious. even despite my bpd. so i dont think guilt is the right thing to feel. maybe a little bit of self-disappointment and aiming to do better next time. but guilt will just make me spiral into panic and chaos.

in terms of fear.. i have evidence that will help me prove that i dont need to be scared

josie has said she wants to be with me forever, and said she couldnt imagine life without being together with me.

every time theres a problem we talk about it to resolve it and thats how we have so much love and trust and stuff. if josie isnt okay she will tell me and we will work on a solution. she wants to be with me and will work to stay together if there is an issue.

she loves me very much.

after i cried a lot and she comforted me gently we watched an ep of sora no woto, a rly good anime we both love. and it made us both laugh and smile and feel better and relaxed.

something else i forgot bc i just dozed off slightly.

oh i think it was that bc i didnt act with malice if there was damage done it was only an accident? idk

anyway

she was tired but she is sleeping and will be fine in the morning. she loves me dearly. she wants to be with me. we arent going to break up from this.

i am okay and so is she.

i dont need to worry or be scared or feel guilty.

i love her very much.

#hashtag blogging with aggy