Countdown to Agatha: Darkhold Diaries: Day 601
Wanda, carving a pumpkin: “Circe’s wrath! These carving tools are so awful, they can barely cut through anything!”
Y/N: “Pumpkin carving kits usually are like that, we might need to get a more sturdy knife from the kitchen”
Agatha: “No need, I have one here-” *pulls long blade from inside her boot* “-just sharpened it this morning!”
Wanda: “Should I try to feign surprise?”
Y/N: “Can I use it?”
Agatha and Wanda: “NO”
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Read the people.com interview, and I'm literally cackling because they got us all so good 😂 to the point I'm side-eyeing the "married to my best friend" comment even though it's a completely normal and sweet thing to say about your partner and still thinking "... married for the bit?"
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i hate the phrase “protestant work ethic.” what is uniquely protestant christian about gaining worth through work? how is a protestant (a category which encompasses everything from the amish to anglicans; “protestantism” is literally any western christian denomination that isn’t roman catholic) more disposed to hard work than a catholic, or a muslim, or a jewish person? by “protestant,” do you really mean to say “american”? how about “capitalist”? why don’t you say this instead? it’s a dumb phrase.
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Yeah, the Knights of the Round Table are cool, but what about the Squires of the Round Table? I want to know about the pack of hapless adolescents that are supposed to be learning the finer points of knighthood from THEE most chaotic bastards to ever share a braincell.
(Merlin unknowingly becomes, like, the patron saint of squires bc if he can handle Arthur, they can handle their respective masters as well)
no ok i'm in love with this. the squires of the round table is the spin off i didn't know we needed, but by GOD am i glad you told me, anon.
(you are a GEM, anon, i'm in love with you)
the squires for knights are the round table's adopted children. oh, sorry, was that kid the son of such and such??? he's leon's boy now. they all have youngest sibling syndrome so sorry i don't make the rules and yes they do treat merlin like he's a mob wife.
anyway,
these squires would get up to so much shit omfg. if you're the squire to gwaine, have fun upsetting your noble father (because most squires come from the nobility and since arthur took down that rule when he became, then there became this influx of squires who were from the common people) and learning that doing illegal shit is the best thing and you've only tasted a sliver of what gwaine has been doing since he was 13 but you LOVE IT---
squires of sir leon are trained into how to become the mom friend. it's not much, but it's hard work. sometimes the little squires pity their knight because he is not paid enough for for the antics his other knights and king get into ("poetry??? seriously, is that what they told him???" "idk that's roland said" "maybe we should gift him some more moisturizer?"). yes they do treat sir leon with the respect they would give an older cousin.
sir elyan is very new to all this...squire business but he's not one to let his little men (little brothers tbh) be caught slacking. he has them run drills everyday and they complain about it all the time ,but then you'll find them in an empty room perfecting their forms, and making sure it's perfect because sir elyan deserves the best. and he called nathan's form "superb" but nathan's a bitch and you just think that if you get this form right---
elyan teaches his squires moves that were taught to him by tristan and isolde because they totally worked together while elyan was away and he respects them so much and misses them and wonders if they ever got the chance to settle down and breath like they had dreamed
sir percival is second on the list of knights who teaches his squires the more traditional way (first is leon obvi) but that does not mean he let's them fall behind with dirty tricks. listen, this man was friends with lancelot (honorable, noble, dreamed of being a knight since he was prob 15) so he knows the intricacies of knighthood; however, he is also besties with gwaine and elyan both of whom are a chaotic combination if put in the same room. the squires are granted the perfect balance of swishy swordplay and body slamming a bitch. sleeves??? don't know her. the squires beg percival for them to cover their arms and he is offended.
sir lancelot, the epitome of honor and loyalty, is a force to work with. the squires think that he'll be the one whose teaching will lead them far off adventures and gain cool ass scares. lancelot is actually the old coot who grants wisdom like an old man who's lived two lifetimes. his training is unusual but somehow it works. the chores he assigns aren't demeaning, nor are they used as punishment. you are lancelot's squire for a week and you immediately understand that this man is a man who has his heart on his sleeve and you watch as he gazes at the king, the queen, and the manservant. his eyes always fond and full of...something. you are too young to pick up on a deep and unconditional emotion like that. not yet.
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not to keep beinf mad about random comments insinuating i dont go outside on my post about monoculture forests in which i specifically say in the post that ive spent a lot of time outside but bro i hate this yes i have been to a beech wood how is that even remotely the same vibe as the paper pulp farm i uploaded a picture of. hello
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Look, I’m suffering from this and I have to get it out of my head:
In the Megahusband verse (it’s rocksinmuffin’s creation) where Reader got cyberformed into a purple Seeker femme, they still have to go to family functions with their son, Starscream.
Like Reader’s parents accepted Starscream as their first grandchild with no questions, but other relatives were so skeptical but accept it because giant warlord and bird son can squish them easily. More than one person stare into the ceiling at night wondering how the FUCK, in all of its definitions, it works.
But with a now Seeker!Reader, they side-eye the fully robot family because it now seems so sus that their boy (in college now, btw) shares so much of his colors with the other leader.
So now the fam, outside the parents since Megatron explained to them that Cybertronians emerge fully-framed by Vector Sigma (not a lie, but not the whole truth), thinks Reader had cheated on Megatron with Optimus Prime and that Starscream is the damn result.
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Always incredibly funny to me when people try to use "ugly" as an insult. Like, oh no, the natural state of my physical features-something I have no control over and that holds no moral weight whatsoever-is subjectively unappealing to you personally? How horrible, whatever will I do. You sure showed me!
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You’re just mad you’ll never be as hot as real women like Layah Heilpern.
First of all, I am never mad about how attractive/unattractive others perceive me to be, though I don't post my face on the internet to give you the opportunity to make that judgment in the first place. Secondly, no idea who that is and I'm not going to look it up because it's irrelevant to my last point, but I'm assuming it's a some sad plastic filled male I'm supposed to be envious of. Which definitely isn't going to happen, the originals has no need to get jealous of the knockoffs. Lastly, there's no way to not be a "real woman" other than the simply not fit the definition: adult female human. I don't think trans women are lesser women they are simply not women at all. They are men. (And I know this is the thing y'all are doing where you try to flip 'real (biologically)' and 'trans (faking)' as a gotcha to the tRaNsPhObEs but it doesn't work because there's an actual globally accepted definition for woman that trans identified men don't fit. You can't copy everything we do including to the chains we're forced to wear as oppressed people and then pretend to be the original, it just makes you look stupid. )
That definition also doesn't come on a scale; there's legitimately no one more womanly nor less womanly than any other woman. It is a binary. Someone either is a woman, or they are not, and the universe doesn't care how much you cut up your body and cry about it, that fact never changes. Not even after you die. So have fun projecting you're jealousy of others on to me, I hope it's helping you cope with the fact that you're never going to be happy with the delusions in your head. :)
For the small chance that this isn't regarding the trans issue, please reference point number three of paragraph one and the paragraph prior to this one because those are relevant regardless. I'm not going to put any effort in determining what/who exactly you're talking about though.
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