#it’s physically painful to me whenever i try to choose what to quote out of them

[superliz6]

66 76 87 93 for both

67 76 85 for Kaz

70 96 for Lin

For Both Lin and Kaz:

66. When was the last time your character got sick? Who took care of them?

Oh man there's a canonical answer for Lin and I guess it'd be in Zaofu and the answer is - nobody lol. Or maybe, Suyin's staff hahah.

Kazuo doesn't get sick often, but last time he had a cold his ex-gf Yuri made him soup :)

76. What annoys them about the religious groups in their area?

Oh I'm so glad someone asked me this! Idk if you've read the Kyoshi books but they have a great detail in them that Fire Fountain City is built over a deposit of natural gas and that back before people knew this it was considered a spiritual mecca bc people would go there and trip balls from inhaling this stuff- having crazy visions and stuff so they all thought it was spiritual.

In 'modern' times, of course they have figured this out and a lot of engineering went into making the city safe and directing the gas to things like the Fire Fountain in the middle of the city (which is now a statue of two dragons and not Ozai). ANYWAY- there are still little cultish sects of people who gather here and try to sabotage the piping system in order to get high and have visions. Obviously, such an occurrence would be a huge pain in the ass for Kazuo and a safety hazard for the city in general. There are a lot of laws that protect these groups and they don't spend much time in jail whenever they manage to break open some vents so it's an ongoing issue and Kazuo absolutely wishes he could deport these lunatics.

Which leads me to the Lin part of this answer-- these spiritual cult people are totally Lin's problem now. She can't stand them either. Since Korra opened a portal to the spirit world in the middle of a city with plenty of conveniences (ie not somewhere in the barren wasteland of the poles) this same cultish sect has mostly abandoned Fire Fountain and set sail for Republic City where they can come and go from the Spirit World as they please. They're constantly tying themselves to vines that grow through people's homes so the vines aren't removed, they stage protests on behalf of spirit creature rights, and do a lot of panhandling to fund their efforts.

87. Would they rather fly or be immortal?

I think they're both wise enough to choose flying on this one.

93. If they were forced to dye their hair, would they rather dye it purple or neon green?

Omg LOL. I cannot imagine either of them doing either of these colors. Maybe a deep purple would be less noticeable than any shade of green? hahah

For Kaz:

67. Do they know what memes are? If so, what memes do they quote on a regular basis?

He lives in a meme-free time period, but for the sake of this question I feel like he would get a lot of mileage out of closing his eyes gently and saying "I pretend I do not see it"

85. Picture this character’s worst enemy. Now write a short scene in an alternate universe where they fall in love with their enemy. What attracts them to each other? Try to find personality traits that the characters fall for (not just physical attraction).

LMFAOOO God. I don't know if I can do this. It's his brother in law Goro and uhhhhhhh idk man.

For Lin:

70. When they go to the beach, do they use sunscreen? Lotion or spray-on?

Ok, this one is also good bc I think Lin prob uses some real hardcore sunblock (lotion) that's like 95% zinc and makes her look like a straight up ghost.

96. If they were able to compete in the Winter Olympics, what sport would they compete in?

I'm going to go with the luge bc this is what i envision when someone asks Lin to talk about her feelings:

#kazuo #lin beifong #linzuo #idk man i gotta drink before writing that goro part #also god bless the ask about the religious groups that's an HC I have that I haven't had a chance to put anywhere lol #lok #beifongs #lin

[anvoo]

21.06.2023 - milestone

First night in a long time that I've been able to sit with myself and write. It's, calming. I feel like it's "me", you know? It's like, I could see myself months and years from now, still sitting down at the end of the day, writing.

I have a not-great habit of shaking my legs whenever I feel anxious or upset, so on the days when I'm not feeling my greatest, I would feel muscle pain in the evening or night from all the leg shaking. I'm trying to keep both my feet on the ground and still as I'm writing :p

I remember somebody saying: "A lot of people who are suicidal don't actually want to die, they just want their current situation to end or change." That seems to be true in my case. To reassure everyone, I don't intend or want to kill myself. It's just the thought of "I want my current situation to change", followed by the idea of suicide as one of the options/solutions. It seems like the easiest solution for me to connect my current actions and decisions with the end goal of "current situation changing".

I really don't want to die right now. Who knows if there's reincarnation or the afterlife, so I want to fully cherish and make the best out of my current life. I want to draw more; to write more; to meet people; to treat them nicely and be treated nicely back; to see more art; to listen to good music; to have experiences; to enjoy things; to have freedom and choose; to live for and by myself...

My future, my path forward right now is concrete and clear to me. No matter what happens, no matter what I want to achieve or do, the path forward is the same. The story of my life is written mainly through decisions and actions, not thoughts, ink, or typing. It's the "doing" part that determines.

To "do" requires energy, willpower, and motivation. One that is hindering me, is my tendency to divert my energy, willpower, and motivation, to "think". To come up with the perfect motivation, to have the answer to all my doubts and questions, to come to a revelation! Once I have done that everything will be easy, but it won't be. Knowing exactly what you want and need to do won't make you suddenly be able to put in 16 hours a day of work, study, or self-care. Coming to a revelation won't change the procrastination and validation-seeking habits that are embedded so deeply in your psyche and behaviors. It helps, of course, but it can't be the only thing. I need to "do". I have done enough "think". I'll continue to, of course, but now I need to strike a better balance between the two in order to achieve my goals.

I'm grateful that I have people who care about me. Their support really means a lot to me and it helps me to get through tough times. I'll take it in and continue to try my best and move forward.

Balance in my life is still something that I'm trying to achieve. Having just video games or a romantic relationship be the only pillar that holds me up isn't great, and it makes me unhappy :C Not having my romantic relationship be the core or the center of my existence doesn't mean that it's suddenly meaningless now. It's me enriching my life and being kinder to myself. It even helps to bring more value and meaning to the relationship itself. I'm more interesting, more stable, happier, and wiser,...; it's also the fact that placing the stake of your entire emotional and mental well-being on your romantic relationship going well is just damaging to it and your well-being xD This reminds me a bit of a line from Samantha in Her(2013):

"The heart is not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love. I'm different from you. This doesn't make me love you any less. It actually makes me love even more."

In the context of the film, the quote probably has a slightly different meaning (Samantha loving 641 other people), but in this moment for me, it's about all the things that I said above.

So, what now?

Well, For my academic and career goals, do well with my studies. For my fitness and physical health goals, gym and healthy diet. For my mental health goals, being kind to myself, keep doing my best, and continue to write. For my hobbies and interests, draw more, and engage more in activities. For my socializing, practice more spoken German, and go out more (it's fun, as all the previous times you've gone:>). For me and Cat, just keep doing my best for myself. I know I'll know when I'm ready to reconnect and give us another shot, and I'll talk to her then. We talked and discussed a lot about us, our promise and break, and our future together, so I know it's a decision that wasn't made lightly. I believe in us, in our feelings together, and that we can do it!

Sounds nice. Goodnight!

Goodnight!

#journal #diary #motivation #thoughts #self love #self help #abstract #art #writing

[feral-ballad]

when a poem is so damn good that quoting tiny fragments of it won’t ever do it justice

#ugh #poetry #literature #thoughts #it’s physically painful to me whenever i try to choose what to quote out of them #poetry is so beautiful #i love WORDS

[tomurasprincess]

Hheyy can i request quote no.32 and word no.01 with shindou please? Ty!

Pairing: Shindou x Reader Quote: I won’t be as nice next time you misbehave. Word: Biting/marking/branding Warnings: noncon, kidnapping, quirk play, quirk abuse, bloodplay, branding, yandere

Prompt Masterlist

You get all the way to the door when you hear the noise that you absolutely dreaded to hear. Shindou Yo, your captor, has just gotten home. And here you are at the back exit, slowly unlocking every lock, one by one as you try to escape from him.

“Sweetheart, what do you think you’re doing?” It’s his deceptively cheerful voice, the one he uses to fool everyone into thinking he’s just a nice, friendly guy. The voice he uses to hide the true manipulative bastard that he really is.

“I - I was just going to -.” You try desperately to think of a good reason for you to be at the door and not locked away in your room, but you can’t think of a single thing. So you trail your sentence off and look down at the floor as you await whatever punishment he chooses to inflict on you next.

He takes several long strides across the room to tangle a hand in your hair, forcibly dragging you back to the prison you’ve been held in for so long. He slams the door behind you, tossing you face down onto the bed, before climbing on top and slotting himself in between your legs.

“You were trying to escape.” He says it like a fact, not a question, but you nod your head anyway.

“I was, I’m so sorry,” you plead with him, hoping that maybe if you show forgiveness then he’ll go easy on you. But as you hear the distinct sound of a zipper and feel your panties being ripped from your already mostly naked body, you know he’s going to do anything but that. He brutally thrusts into your core with one smooth movement, and tears run down your face as he begins to move inside your mostly dry pussy.

You let out a loud whine at the pain of him forcing himself balls deep inside of you, and he grabs the back of your head and forces it down into the pillow as he begins to ruthlessly fuck you. Your head quickly begins to spin from lack of oxygen as his blunt fingernails grip into your hips, leaving bruises as he slams you back into his cock even harder.

“Trying to escape from me really isn’t smart, sweetheart,” he smacks your ass with his quirk activated, the shockwaves of it running through your body and causing you to tense up in pain. “You belong to me, my own personal little slut to fuck whenever I want.”

He allows you to pull off of the pillow just enough to let you speak. “I’m not yours, and I’m not a slut,” you retort, knowing it will only get you in more trouble but not caring anymore.

“Is that so?” He reaches around to place two fingers on your neglected clit, and activates his quirk. It’s too much, too soon, and you squeal as you clamp down on his cock. The vibration is so strong that it physically hurts, but somehow your body is still finding pleasure in it. You feel the waves of an orgasm crash into you suddenly, and liquid gushes and squirts out of you, drenching Shindou’s thighs and the bedsheets underneath you.

“If you’re not my little slut, then why does this cunt respond so well to me, hmm?” He laughs ruthlessly as more tears run down your face from the overstimulation, but still doesn’t move his fingers from your already sore clit. As you continue to flutter and clench down around him, he moves the other hand to your back, right in between your shoulder blades.

You only have a second to wonder what he’s doing before he’s using his quirk at a level he’s never used on you before. You feel searing pain overtake you, and you can’t stop the scream from tearing out of your throat. You try to struggle but he only forces you down even harder and continues whatever he’s doing. Despite the pain, you find yourself thrown into another orgasm from his fingers still pushed against your clit, and the feeling of you pulsing around his cock has his pace stuttering as he shoots thick ropes of hot cum into your pussy.

He lets your cunt milk him dry before he completely stills, only stopping his quirk when he’s finished. You feel the trickle of blood running down your back, dripping down onto the bed to mingle with your juices. “There we go, that looks so beautiful.” He pulls you into the nearby bathroom, turning you so that you can look at your back in the mirror.

It’s his name, in bold letters right in between the blades of your shoulders. His quirk apparently tore into your flesh, leaving a brand that doesn’t look like it will heal.

“I see that look. Yes, it will scar. And maybe you’ll think of this the next time you feel like escaping.”

When you’re back in the bedroom, he chains one of your legs to the bedposts, something he hasn’t had to do since he first kidnapped you. As he takes in your shivering form, he lets out a sigh as he climbs into the bed with you. “It could have been worse, sweetheart,” he pulls you gently into his body as he murmurs sweet nothings into your ear. “I went easy on you.”

“But I won’t be as nice next time you misbehave.”

#shindou x reader #shindo x reader #shindou yo x reader #yandere shindou #shindou smut #shindo smut #mha x reader #mha smut #bnha x reader #bnha smut #yandere bnha #yandere mha #tw: noncon #tw: bloodplay #tw: branding #tw: kidnapping #yandere prompts

[theromanticrationalist]

For All Mankind's season 2 finale was just incredible. In many ways, I have been really impressed by this show and how they have been able to incorporate space exploration into the intimate threads of human history. The Moon, space, leaving the confines of the Earth's atmosphere, exploring the great beyond - all become catalysts for each of the individual characters - representing each of their own struggles. Because, as I believe, reaching out towards the stars ultimately becomes about reaching within the human soul - looking outward, is looking inward, and vice versa. The two are inexplicably entwined, and this show does a pretty good job at showing this.

More fan girl thoughts below the cut. . .

- Gordo & Tracy Stevens

I feel like this is best exemplified in Gordo and Tracy's story. I don't have time to outline it all at the moment, but the Moon becomes the stage upon which their hearts are made bare. It is so rare to see a redemption story, and a redemption story of a marriage no less, showcased with such power. I will forever be blown away by this story. *lays down* - *cries* - *cries a lot*

- Margo & Sergei

UH ... YES PLEASE.

A forbidden Soviet Era romance??? Yes yes yes yes yes. I need this! THANK YOU FOR ALL MANKIND. The both of them are my absolute favorite! Just. Everything about them. How they are the same and how they are able to communicate almost as if they are reading each other's minds, and the way Sergei looks at her, and the way Margo blushes and can't even look at him in the eyes, and just . . . *incoherent fangirl screeching*

I really feel like Margo knows the door that she opened. I hope the writers don't make her dumb in the next season - just some love struck nerd girl. Margo is naïve and lost in her own world sometimes, but she isn't stupid. I feel like after Sergei's call, she was realizing the full ramifications of what she had done and what this could mean for her and Sergei's complicated relationship. (Not to mention her standing with her own government and country!)

So, you know what I want to see?? I want to see Margo and Sergei play the most expertly played game of espionage ever orchestrated! I want to see them give false information to one another, and they'll personally always get offended by it even though they both know this isn't personal at all - they'll twist and turn words, double - triple! - meanings - are they enemies? Are they friends? Are they lovers? Do they even know? Maybe! Maybe not! How can they hope to be anything more when they are serving countries that are always on the brink of World War III? And yet!!!

And always Sergei will have stars in his eyes when he looks at her, whenever she does something impossibly clever, and Margo will always wear his favorite color and be speechless around him whenever he is trying to be charming.

I LOVE THEM. FOR ALL MANKIND YOU GAVE THIS TO ME NOW DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME

And let me just say that once again Margot is basically just me. OF COURSE she would fall for the enemy! Totally on brand. I get you, girl! I get you so hard!

<holding up my fingers like the Ben Wyatt meme> It's about the "it's complicated..."

- Danielle Poole

QUEEN. MY QUEEN. I knew she would come through and pull off the Soyuz mission with flying colors! And Danielle & Stepan have my heart! I knew Stepan wouldn't be able to resist her in the end, and that he would have his little Soviet heart melted in no time! 🥰🥰🥰 That whole moment of them defying their governments and choosing peace and brotherhood was just so beautiful. (I was pretty much an emotional mess the entire finale...) Then the gut punching realization that many American's didn't even get to see the historical moment live on TV because they were in the Fall Out shelters. Uuuuuugh. This show is SO good at building the emotional drama of this unfolding history. It feels so real! But it also feels very much like it could part of the Star Trek universe. They are exploring similar utopian and humanistic themes, and so I think I am going to make it my headcanon that our alternate history is part of the Prime timeline. It's official. I have declared it.

Speaking of Star Trek, though, I was tearing up when Danielle was quoting Star Trek. OF COURSE she is a Trekkie - OF COURSE. She is perfect without flaw. The most precious angel! I just wish she had more screen time this season, but I loved her story this season regardless!

- Thomas Paine

I never got to properly mourn the passing of Paine! I was pretty upset that he died, and just when he was becoming such an awesome character! (HE LOVED SPACE THE ENTIRE TIME OMG MY HEART.) However, I realized he was like the Agent Coulson of this show. That awesome side character with an unusual and unexpected quirky personality whose death becomes a catalyst for the bigger picture! Ellen is doing an incredible job within his place, though, and I love what it is building for her character (even if her story is SO SAD). At any rate, Thomas Paine shall be missed!

- Molly Cobb

Molly Cobb is BOSS. Her heroic moment on the Moon was such an amazing highlight for this season for me. But I am loving how they have taken her character in an unexpected direction, down a harder and more humbling road. It is heartbreaking, but such a deeply human story. Her taking her plane and trying to escape from the Earth's atmosphere was like the most DRAMATIC AF moment (omg this show), but also, I felt that too. I also loved her and Wayne's struggle through what Molly is having to face. They're marriage is so strong - perfectly challenging one another and carrying one another through life. I love them! This is going to be painful watching what Molly will have to go through, though.

- Karen

I do want to say a few more words about this whole debacle. The fact that the writers completely obliterated the Baldwin family is something I will not forgive them for, and it was very poor choice on their part, most especially how it came about. To me, the Baldwins have always been the anchor point of the show, but now they are all just kind of pathetic, as the trust in their marriage is broken (for no reason) and all so that Karen can go "find herself".

Now, it has always been a part of Karen's character arc that she needs to find her own identity. She gave herself to her family, putting herself last, and that isn't a good thing. Although we should be reminded that a woman serving her family as a wife and mother is NOT shameful, and so there was literally no reason for the writers to deconstruct this when it was actually a beautiful thing. Things aren't black and white. Karen can be both proud as a dutiful wife and mother AND have existential dread over her own identity as person. BOTH realities can be true and exist together! You don't need to destroy the one to have the other! It's called N U A N C E. Something American tv writers utterly lack in their writing now a days.

Regardless of all this, though, and the disturbing, messed up nature of Karen's affair with Danny - I am sick and tired of how often shows and movies depict a woman's exploration of identity through her sexuality. I find it to be really offensive. As if liberating a woman's spirit means turning her into a horny sex fiend. Sexuality is but one dimension of a woman's identity, one dimension amongst a thousand. To reduce her down to this basic and crude physical dimension, as if somehow sleeping around, having affairs, masturbating, etc, unlocks her deeper self, is really insulting to women as human beings. Being an independent, confident woman comes from a deeper place of the mind, heart, and spirit that embodies her entire person as a holistic being. We are more than the sum of our parts! Please, writers, for the love of God, stop making us into rutting animals!

Suggestion: American writers, creators, directors, just go read Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. She'll wipe the floor with your pitiful displays of female independence. I have never seen any modern writer even come close to what Bronte was able to to achieve with her masterpiece. She was able to truly showcase the power, dignity, and grace of a woman's spirit flawlessly - showing how freedom and independence does not mean free to do whatever you want with whomever you want defying all traditions, religion, expectations, and principles - but is a state and quality of mind, that even in the most dire and unbearable of circumstances, your spirit remains immutable. A woman's strength is compassion in the face of adversity, serenity in the face of devastation, and strength in the face of oppression. THAT is true womanhood.

#lots of thoughts #my thoughts #for all mankind #this show has taken me to transcendent heights #but also has plummeted me into the deepest lows of disgust #it's going to be like this the whole time isn't it #margo madison #danielle poole #molly cobb

[scienceandmedicine]

How to Be in a Positive Mindset

“If you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see.” - Uncle Iroh

1. You have to CHOOSE to be happy

Not gonna lie, I heard Zoey say this in Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist and it is genuinely such a good motto to live by???? Life isn’t always going to be fair and it can get real dirty trying to tear you down; wake up every single morning and tell yourself, “Today, I’m going to be happy”. Just starting the day with a positive mindset can set the mood for the rest of the day. Choose to incorporate happiness and positivity in your day. Choose to live by your favourite quotes and cut out the negativity! Choose to live life to the fullest!

2. Sometimes there is no bright side

Sometimes there is no silver lining to be found. Sometimes there is no rainbow after a storm. Sometimes there really is no bright side and you just have to accept that. Acceptance is the first stage of moving on and moving forward. Try to not to get stuck in the past and take one step at a time, one day at a time.

3. It’s ok to not be ok

Never force positivity. Sure, try to think positively, try to reframe situations as positive, try to think of bad experiences as learning opportunities but sometimes when you’re feeling bad, you can’t always make yourself happier. Sometimes you can’t always see the light in the dark, but close your eyes, give it some time, and I assure you when you open your eyes it will be right there to guide you.

4. Do things that make you happy

This sounds really obvious but you’d be surprised how many people do things just because it’s what their families want or for their CV. Cut out the negative things in your life and stop doing things that make you unhappy. Find your passion in life. Find your joy in the simplest of things. No matter what age, you can always make a change.

5. Don’t care

Of course I don’t mean ‘don’t care about anything’ because sometimes a little kindness and passion can go a long way, but what I mean is: when you were a child, did you ever care if you sang out of tune? As a child, did you ever care about how you looked? As a child, did you ever care that you weren’t the world’s best dancer? Be that child again. Try out new things even if you think you’re going to suck at them! Be a bit silly, embarrass yourself, have fun, and surround yourself with people that support you.

6. Self-reflection

This one kind of leads into Point 7, and is about looking within. Think about what has happened in your day and how you can learn from it and turn it into a positive experience. Try to find memories and feelings you can draw strength and joy from and save them for whenever you’re feeling a bit down. Self-reflection also consists of looking at the bad, whether it be changing your own ways, cutting out people or things that continually hurt you or bring you down, and think about what you can do tomorrow to right the wrongs of today. Truly reflect on whether you’re just stumbling through life or enjoying it.

7. Journalling

Every time I have a bad day, I like to let it out onto the pages of my online journal. I like to transfer my thoughts out of my head and bring in a clean slate for tomorrow, otherwise I tend to get stuck in my head a bit. I also like to write down 3 things I’m grateful for, 2 things that make me happy, and 1 thing I want to do tomorrow. It sometimes helps to have a little bit of perspective and to see that there was some positive things about my day.

8. Don’t let a single bad moment make you forget all the progress you’ve made

It’s all too easy to get caught up on a bad grade or feel worthless in the wake of a bad day. One of the reasons I like journalling so much is that you get to reflect on all the progress you’ve made; you have physical evidence that you are the best version of you! Please remember: you are worth it, you are a good person, and you will get through this. Today might not be a win, but look at how much you’ve grown!

9. You don’t have to be perfect all the time! 

PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE remember this. I don’t know how many times I need to say this, but I will for however long it takes for people to realise that you don’t have to smile and laugh and be happy all the time. Let it out. Be human. Feel pain and anger and sadness and emptiness. But when you’re done, look back and see how that experience could be beneficial to you going forward and how you can learn to balance the good and the bad.

10. Fake positivity is overrated

Being positive doesn’t have to invalidate your pain or trauma, minimise real issues, or mean there aren’t any problems. It is about looking at the bad things that are happening now in a constructive way and being determined to push forward for a better future.

#look i'm not a professional #i'm not qualified to give any advice #this is just some things I like to focus on #human to human #positivity #positivethinking #positiveattitude #be kind #be kind to yourself #reflection #journalling #i know this is a science blog but sometimes this just needs to be said #help others #advice #be happy #rambling #ramblings #love u

[double-trouble-lives-again]

The Girl You Call Best Friend

summary: Flynn writes a song.

word count: 1026 words

warnings: angst, ask to add CWs

a/n: I changed one of the lyrics to work with the characters’ ages, other than that, the song belongs to Aria Rayes.

Flynn slipped into the music room, fiercely wiping the tears from her eyes before they could spill over. It shouldn’t hurt this much, why did  it hurt this much?

She and Carrie were over - not just when it came to dating, as friends, as well - Flynn knew that. It had been months since they’d broken up, months since Carrie stopped hanging out with her and Julie.

So why did it still hurt so much to see Carrie with her new friends?

Slowly, Flynn makes her way to the piano, tentatively placing her hands on the keys. She can play, but only the basics, and nowhere near as good as some of the other people in the music program, like Julie.

There’s a notebook and a pencil on top of the piano. Flynn’s not sure why, but she’s suddenly very grateful for it when she gets an idea.

She plays some chords on the piano, pressing the keys down gently, trying not to make too much noise.

“She likes her coffee the way she likes her men,” she sung softly. She paused to write on the notepad before continuing to sing, making up the lyrics on the spot. “Tall and strong and just the right amount of sweetness.”

That’s how Carrie had always described her taste in guys. Whenever Flynn asked her about her taste in girls, Carrie would always go very quiet before whispering, “You”. The memory made Flynn choke up more.

“She’ll get these random kicks but just roll with it. I promise you there’s a whole list. So introspective, distracts when she’s sad.”

Carrie had a habit of never wanting to confront her feelings, instead choosing to distract herself from them by throwing herself into a new routine. Flynn used to pride herself on being one of the few people who could get Carrie to open up.

That was gone now, she supposed.

“If she’s talking to her camera,” Flynn continued, pausing every now and then to make a note of the lyrics or chords, “it’s probably bad.”

Carrie made what Flynn liked to call ‘emotional vlogs’ when she was upset. It was her way of venting without letting anyone in.

Except for Flynn, sometimes.

“Emotional habits will never outmatch the way she’ll talk to you.”  Flynn took a deep breath. “Something you should know is she loves the word growth.”

It was one of the most random facts she knew about Carrie Wilson. Carrie had never been able to explain exactly why that word meant so much to her, but it was important to Carrie, so it was important to Flynn.

Not anymore, though, Flynn reminded herself. God, why did she keep forgetting that their friendship was gone?

“Smoothies, and songs that hit deep,” Flynn carried on listing things that Carrie loved, figuring that if she ever gave this song to anyone, it would help them. “Learning to say no with her heart of gold.”

Although Flynn knew no one could guess it from the charade Carrie put up at school, Carrie was easy to convince to do things, if she cared about the person doing the convincing. It was a privilege, to be able to convince Carrie Wilson.

“Oh, and set six alarms before you sleep. She’ll always sleep in.” Flynn laughed a little at her lyrics, remembering all the times Carrie had slept through the first, and sometimes even second alarms they set. She remembered all the times they’d barely got to school on time, running through the hallways and laughing.

Falling even more in love.

“The girl you call ‘best friend’,” Flynn sang. She took her hands off the piano, wiped at her eyes, and made another note of lyrics in the notebook. Flynn took a deep breath before starting to play and sing again.

“Have to look close to see pain in her eyes, and when she’s upset you should just empathise.” Carrie was always good at acting, and it had always been difficult for Flynn to tell when she was upset. There was a knack to it - Carrie’s eyes always betrayed her emotions. Carrie hated when people tried to solve her problems. ‘I can fight my own battles, Flynn!” was a common complaint before Flynn learned that empathy was the way to help Carrie.

“She believed in storybook love ‘til the end. Now please help her find it again.” Flynn’s feelings towards Carrie were complicated to say the least. But she still, with all her heart, wanted the girl to be happy.

Flynn just - wasn’t enough to make Carrie happy.

“She laughs when she cries, wipe the tears from her eyes. Be gentle with things that she missed. Watch ‘Someone Great’ while she quotes the whole thing. Tell her she makes it past this. She’ll always transcend. The girl you call ‘best friend’.” If Flynn couldn’t be there to take care of Carrie when she had a bad day, then maybe this song could help someone else take care of her. Even if Flynn couldn’t physically be there, maybe she could share her ways to comfort Carrie, so that she could be there in spirit.

An idea began to form in Flynn’s mind, and she paused again to write down some more lyrics.

“I got four years now the next four’s for you, send me the pics when her wishes come true. Please hold her hand when I’m not there to see. Living dreams from when we were thirteen. I love her to death. The girl you call ‘best friend’.”

Flynn took her hands off the piano for the final time, letting the tears roll freely down her cheeks. She gingerly picked up the notebook, cradling it like a baby, as though it may break at any moment. Flynn tore the page from the book and took a moment to just look at it, reading through the messily scrawled lyrics and chords.

She used the tissues in the corner of the classroom to dry her eyes, and splashed her face with water from the first bathroom she saw.

On her way to biology, Flynn slipped the song into Kayla Torres’ locker, hoping that the Dirty Candi girl would understand.

#flarrie #flynn jatp #carrie wilson #kayla jatp #jadah marie #savannah lee may #tori caro #jatp #julie and the himbos #jatp fic #the girl you call best friend - my fic #the bay leaf creates #the girl you call best friend #aria rayes

[finnwrld]

for the ask thing - monday, saturday, march and september! don’t feel like you have to answer all of them, you can choose which ones you want to answer! 💖💖

monday: do you struggle with the ‘boring’ parts of writing?

OH MY GOD YES. bro anybody that talks to me regularly knows how fucking hard it is for me to write normal things that aren't filled with emotion (at least recently). often times i just kinda give up-

saturday: what gets you excited whilst writing?

GETTING IN THE FLOW. ugh its so fucking exciting and BRO AHHH NOTHING BEATS IT. 

something else that hits so hard is getting to that one scene were you can just go full on with internal emotion. like the type of sadness that rips you to shreds. IT GETS ME SO PUMPED BYE-

march: do you listen to music whilst writing? 

yes 100%. I haven't written a fic in like 4 months that i didn’t listen to music. Once i figured out about pairing music with writing it legit changed EVERYTHING.

If you don't listen to music while you write, at least try it out

here is the angst playlist i look through whenever I'm writing a fic

i just find a song that fits with the emotion/vibe I'm trying to bring across

like PLEASE at least try it. I was struggling with writing this magical kiss last night and i just threw on planetarium from la la land and it fucking upped it by like 300%

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

oh there are so many

one of my favorite non-specific ones are people saying i got the character right. like that shit is so hard and BRO IT GETS ME SO EXCITED EVERY TIME

also when people leave specific quotes that they like. LIKE I HANG ON TO THAT SHIT FOR FUCKING MONTHS AFTERWARD.

these two reviews from @weasleydream are something that ill never forget, they were so sweet omfg 

THE PHYSICAL PAIN IS HERE! I’ve re-read it and I swear my heart is even more broken that the first time because I know how everything ends and it makes it even more painful! Sirius’ desperation is something I never want to see yet you make it so real I can’t help but read it all over again. This is a piece of art, really!

As you said yourself SO ANGSTY WOW!!! You described everything so well, the reader’s pain is felt in the depth of the body and it feels like we are the ones who have lost someone. The part where Dumbledore announces Sirius is dead is definitely the worst, my heart was slowly shattering with each word the first time I read it. This is definitely an amazing fic!

they legit made me cry bye-

and rens @decalcomanei for slughorns detention made me scream they were so fucking nice bye ily ren

[polandspringz]

Director’s Cut of My Fic “I’d Rather Be Dry” Part 2 (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3 was probably the most painful chapter of a fic I’ve ever had to write, and not because I was sad writing the sad scenes. No, this fic was physically painful to write because it took 3 days and I was struggling to sit down and write it the entire time because even though I had the whole thing planned out, I just felt like I was dragging through it and eventually had to change some things to speed it up a bit. Still, it ended up being the longest chapter because I had to tie up so many loose ends! Luckily for me, my beta-reader @primal-shitposts​ read it through for me again, so I didn’t have to suffer again!!! If you want to support not only me but my beta-reader who makes sure my fic lacks grammar errors (and also gives you this great commentary on these types of posts), please go to their art blog @primal-interstellar​ and give their artwork some love!!! They deserve it after slogging through this mess of a fic for a game they don’t even play.

Since there are a lot of funny quotes from this proof-read, I’ll post them all under read more. Beta-reader (Primal) is in pink. If you see blue text, that’s me typing stuff in frantically before she skipped to the next line:

I actually originally wrote the opening scene with Satan in a lot more detail. It dropped us in the present where he was in the office, and Diavolo and everyone was just looking on as he slowly ran out of energy. But, I got about 3 pages in and realized it was dragging and so I cut it and swapped it for a flashback on the walk home.

While I intended for this to be a much more dramatic anime scene of Satan just silent as he ran out of steam and could barely move his arms save for slapping the guy, I love this interpretation.

I CAN’T EXPLAIN WHY BUT THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT IN THE DOCUMENT. NOTHING TOPPED THIS. I DON’T UNDERSTAND BUT IT’S SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD IT HAD ME DYING

Primal knows about Lucifer birthing Satan because the moment I started playing the game I made her watch a crack video with me that mentioned it. Although I know she likes Leviathan cause sea monsters, I’m convinced Satan might be one of her favorites. On a side note, writing dialogue for Satan is very hard because he is very proper but when he snaps, I always feel unsure of whether it sounds believable or just like a string of curses that a twelve year old would think sounds cool. 😎 I do like the father/son dynamic Lucifer and Satan hint at though (and from what I hear the new lessons might be adding on to that? oWO)

I honestly don’t know how the demons who attacked MC aren’t dead yet. They’re basically disfigured and then Satan just doubled the damage and then tripled it in the council room this chapter. Somehow they’re not dead though! I wonder what MC will have to say about their punishment...

QUICK, SOMEONE DRAW SATAN WITH THE CRAFTING TABLE STARING AT THE DOOR WHILE THE EQUATIONS FLY BY HIS HEAD

I did choose the “yes” option when Beel asked to eat me in the animal event. It was not because of vore though, but I do make many vore jokes. I could imagine MC being forced to explain vore to Lucifer (or all the brothers) after making a joke and them being confused. Writing Beel’s breakdown this chapter wasn’t initially planned, and it was sort of what really started to make writing this fic slow down because as you might notice throughout the fic, I suddenly felt the need to give every brother an equal amount of screen time which sort of led to me RUNNING OUT OF VERBS for how to make each breakdown unique.

Okay, so the next part. I was actively seeing the comments as they popped up, but there was a delay with the comment box on the side appearing before the actual comments in the text. So, I saw this:

And had two seconds to go “Oh no” before this was added:

From here on it was chaos.

Listen, the boys are idiots. They’re all concerned, Mammon just doesn’t want MC to get upset again. In reality, this sort of dialogue stemmed more from me still lingering on the original idea of the fic. The original concept of this fic (when it was just a one-shot) was MC still getting attacked by a demon in the locker-room showers (for their soul) but because I was originally thinking about a female reader, I knew that it could have more of an undertone for sexual assault. I actually first discussed the fic idea with Primal months back when I first got into Obey Me, because I wanted to write a snippet of each brother helping MC after the event (it wasn’t going to be extreme, I was thinking more accidental scratches during the scuffle closer to the chest and such and maybe the assailants having more dialogue demeaning MC for being around the 7 brothers all the time) but I realized I didn’t have much experience with that and it would make writing scenes that I thought about (such as Asmo wanting to give MC a bath as aftercare) difficult as I could see someone after an attack like that not wanting to be in a bathroom with someone else or be vulnerable to them. I ended up playing with that idea in my previous Mammon fic with more different comfort aspects and touching on that kind of assault briefly, so this fic ended up just being focused on the brothers’ being upset over what happened to MC.

As much as writing Satan’s angry dialogue is a pain, I have fun making him talk with a more formal tone, it’s closer to how I normally talk, and prefer to write my characters talking. I have no problem writing contractions or more casual speech, but for one of my fantasy stories, where I’m writing in English but trying to differentiate different languages through italics or just whether they use certain contractions or not, I tend to really stress the characters that use absolutely zero and more complicated synonyms. 

I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS IF MC JUST ASKED FOR SOUP OUT OF THE BLUE I’M IMAGINING ASMO BEING LIKE “BITCH I TOOK ALL THIS TIME DEBATING OVER HOT OR COLD TEA AND NOW YOU’RE SAYING YOU’RE FINE WITH HOT SOUP???”

I know the shower idea may have been really corny or cringey. I know a lot of people write things like the water in Devildom as being much hotter (cause their near hell and their demons! It makes sense, also I think Asmo might have mentioned in a text chat he would make the water cooler for MC? But I could be wrong) but I imagine their is some demons who aren’t powerful enough to handle a lot of the settings. Of course though, our demon bros are 7 of the highest demons in Devildom, so they’re immune.

*Slaps this comment* Congrats, Primal. You just summarized the entire chapter.

I find Leviachan to be such a funny nickname, mainly because writing any dialogue for Levi makes me cringe because while I was a VERY big weeaboo in elementary and middle school, I was so lucky I never hit his stage of acting like an otaku. While it’s charming, having to type him in more modern fic is even more painful because it’s like “oh god he actually goes into the real world and talks like this). Sidenote, I always mispronounce Levi’s name when I’m talking about him, mainly because I have to remember so many anime characters where their name is pronounced Lee-Vai or I just think of the brand of jeans (fashion major brain). So, whenever I’m talking out loud about him to someone, I have to stop and be like, “Levi... Leviachan...Leviathan...” because that “a” sound corrects my brain to how it’s supposed to be.

*throws confetti again* Believe I felt the pain of this fic dragging through every boy going back on their character development I had given them but I felt it was only fair that each of them got time with MC. As the tag on archive says, “everybody gets time to shine with MC”. (I really just want to write Barbatos’ scene for chapter 4 though)

This scene was hard to write because I wanted Levi to get closure on the scene with MC, but I couldn’t have him straight up kabedon them because then he would be cornering them and I thought that would be too much like what MC went through in the shower. Although I didn’t write anyone in explicitly summarizing what happened to MC, and Levi saw the least of it, I think he’s seen enough series depicting it to know that cornering them would be bad, but he still wants to show that he loves them and cares about them. Also, when I was writing this, I remember just going through a counter of who got the most smooches in chapter 3. Originally only Mammon was going to get 2, putting him in the lead above everyone who got 1, but then I felt back for giving Levi the least screen time and just gave him 3.

Honestly, chapter 3 really took a turn for a more intimate chapter??? Especially with Asmo’s one-on-one scene with MC, it was all downhill from there. I have noticed with quarantine, my writing has become more focused on touch (if you read any of my Balance:Unlimited fics or even my Mammon fic, you would definitely die if you tried to do a drinking game with the number of times someone TOUCHES the other gently). It’s just an unfortunate projection issue that comes with writing.

And here is complete chaos. I had blocked this game from my memory and then I was forced to remember it right here. 

Removing these meme images from the fic text will be tedious, and painful. But, I am preserving them here. (I type up these directors’ cuts before publishing the final version of the fic, so I don’t lose the comments)

I’m not even at lesson 16 yet, but based on all the spoilers I read, watched, and scene for research purposes, I’m pretty sure it was more of a-

This is what writing 11k+ words for one chapter worth it. The final read through I get to enjoy things like this.

I wish Belphie was 7′2″. 😳 I like Beel but Belphie is one of my favs. Ironically enough he was the one who skipped this fic. (I’ll make it up to you one day, Belphie fans.... will we ever know what they talked about and what made Belphie cry? Personally, I think it’s like the iceberg effect Hemingway talked about, and says more under the surface... it’s totally not because I got burned out, lolololol.... 🤭)

I WAS ACCIDENTALLY FEEDING DIALUCI STANS but again, if you’ve read my Mammon fic, you probably know my true thoughts on Diavolo and Lucifer’s relationship. This fic is so MC focused, I wasn’t intending to write it in so much, Diavolo was just supposed to order Lucifer to go home, that’s it. But, I got rejuvenated when I hit Lucifer’s scene, because I knew it was the homestretch for the chapter! I really played up a Hamilton reference accidentally, having the “Go home” line repeated, because it just felt like the vibe the scene was getting at. I am hoping to explore Diavolo and Lucifer’s relationship more in my modern au fic, Siberia.

I hate tumblr because if I attach a link in the initial post, this won’t appear in the tag, but Primal’s comment here made me think of this art I saw of Lucifer and Satan the other day by ObsessiveAlice (I don’t want to tag them because they’ll be so confused by this long unrelated post! But I’ll put the link to their art in the notes/replies on this post, so check them out!!!)

I know it wasn’t the most romantic kiss but again I WAS RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO MAKE THE BROTHERS HAVE UNIQUE SCENES SO I GOT DESPERATE.

And that’s the end!!! Again, if you liked the fic, more than giving me a like or reblog, please go check out Primal’s wonderful artwork @primal-interstellar​ !!! She does a lot of great oc work and it needs more recognition!!! Almost all of my fics would never get posted without her help, so please, please, please show her support! (She has an animatic she just made which I will also link in the replies!!! Please give that love too!!!)

Anyway, if you made it to the end, I don’t know if you got a laugh out of this, but I hope you enjoyed the fic commentary somewhat! I was going to post chapter 3+4 at the same time like I did the prior chapters, but chapter 3 took so long I had to just lay on my floor for 3 hours earlier today to take a break from it, lol. Luckily, I’m very excited for chapter 4, so it shouldn’t take as long!!! 

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me masters #writing #my writing #fanfic #fic #obey me fic #directors cut

[nightskywrites]

The Big Three visit Aizawa’s 1-A class to talk about work study. It goes about as well as you’d expect. 

(read it here, or on AO3 to support my account! part 1 of 2!)

Aizawa-sensei looks more tired than usual, and when she walked in that morning he was already in his sleeping bag, clutching a thermos of coffee that was probably big enough to be a bowl.

He eyes them as they wander in, giving each student a glare to know that this morning was not one to be messing around. She and the rest of the class take their seats quickly, curious to see what got their normally unperturbed teacher in such a mood. Personally, she doesn’t really want to find out, but the universe isn’t normally that kind.

“Today,” Aizawa-sensei says with a long suffering sigh, shuffling to his podium after the bell rings, “someone will be coming in to talk to you about work study opportunities.”

The class erupts into cheers. Aizawa-sensei looks like he wants to die.

When they quiet down, he continues. “The people coming in to talk to you are U.A.’s top hero students, known around campus and the rest of Japan as the . . .” his face twists slightly, “Big Three.”

If they were loud before, they’re going positively wild now. She can’t help but grin and elbow her neighbor. The internships after the sports festival were one thing, but work studies were the real deal.

“Show them the same respect you’d show me or any other member of the faculty,” Aizawa-sensei says, and then the door opens.

They’ve all heard about them, obviously , but they were - different, in person. For starters, the one with the green hair was absolutely dwarfed by the other two. One’s jacket was completely undone and scowling so fierce at least two people reflexively leaned back, the other looked like he would rather be anywhere else.

“The Big Three: Bakugou, Todoroki, and Midoriya. For introductions, let’s start with Bakugou.”

The green one leans past what she recognizes as Todoroki Shouto through the dual-toned hair and says in what sounds like it’s supposed to be a whisper but is loud enough for all of them to hear, “Try not to scare them, Kaachan!”

“Pfft,” Bakugou Katsuki snaps. “If they’re scared of me, you shitty nerd, they sure as fuck shouldn’t be doing hero work!”

Aizawa sighs again. “Bakugou.”

“Fine!” the blonde says. He glares at them, annoyance written into every line. “If you don’t know who I am, you must live under a fucking rock.”

Todoroki snorts. “Yes, because that’s helpful.” Bakugou’s face turns red. “Shut the hell up, you half-and-half bastard!”

Azuma gasps, and a lot of her classmates have similar reactions. The Big Three were famous and Bakugou had a reputation, but she never expected him to actually be so rude.

“Shouto,” says the person who must be Midoriya Izuku then, laying a hand on Todoroki’s arm. “Stop provoking him.”

“Stop provoking me ! I’ll show you provoked, you SHITTY-ASS NERD.”

Aizawa-sensei groans. “I thought you’d have learned maturity by now, Bakugou. Fine, moving on. Todoroki, go.”

Todoroki steps forward. “Hello,” he says, and while his voice is cool and level it holds none of the hostility of the previous speaker. “My name is Todoroki Shouto. My quirk, half-cold and half-hot allows me to control fire with my left side and ice with my right one. While I did both my internship and our second work study at my father’s agency my first year, both me and Bakugou did not originally do work studies due to failure at the provisional license exam.”

“Wait,” Kibe blurts out from two seats to her right. “You failed? Aren’t you, like, insanely strong?”

“You fucker,” Bakugou hisses, palms popping off small explosions.

Todoroki just nods. “We did not treat the exam like we should have. We deserved to fail.”

“But then,” Azuma ventures, because it seems the other two will keep Bakugou in line. “How are you two a part of “The Big Three”?” Aizawa-sensei nods approvingly at her question, and she can’t quell the pride that wells up within her.

Todoroki pauses for a moment. “We worked hard,” he says simply. “However much training our classmates were putting in, we put in more.”

“And we’re the strongest!” Bakugou adds. “We can take any of those shitty extras!”

“Todoroki, thank you,” Aizawa cuts in. “Problem Child, your turn.”

Midoriya sticks his tongue out at Aizawa before stepping forwards. The class waits with bated breath on the third member of the famous trio. Is he rude and angry like Bakugou, or cool and distant like Todoroki?

Green eyes level them all with a glance, and then his face breaks into a smile so blinding Azuma wants to ask Morita to provide cloud clover. “Hey guys,” he chirps, “My name is Midoriya Izuku, the last member of U.A.’s Big Three!” He puts Big Three in air quotes, like he’s not actually sure how he’s one of the three most powerful students at the best hero school in the country.

“He’s nice ,” Sando whispers to her, horrified. Azuma can’t help but agree - Bakugou is all raging temper, Todoroki is cold indifference, and they both give off an aura of power . This guy looks more like a bunny rabbit than a fearsome hero.

“So, the most important thing about work studies is the opportunity they provide you! Although you got some experience during your internships, work studies include a lot more field combat. You’ll be involved in a variety of different missions and get to work with a variety of pros whose style you might be able to learn from!” Midoriya rubs the back of his neck with his hand, grinning sheepishly. “You guys all have such cool quirks, I bet you’ll be able to go anywhere!”

Bakugou slaps the back of his head. “You think every quirk is cool, nerd!”

“Kaachan, that hurt!”

“Don’t touch him, Bakugou.”

“YOU WANNA GO, ICY-HOT?”

“ Enough ,” Aizawa’s capture weapon snaps out and ensnares the explosive blond. Their teacher has decided to shed his caterpillar sleeping bag and his hair hovers up off his shoulders as he erases Bakugou’s quirk. “Why is the Problem Child the only one of you who's actually good at this?”

“Thanks, Aizawa-sensei,” Midoriya mumbles, blushing red that spreads across his freckles. When Azuma peeks to the rest of the class, both boys and girls alike are openly staring at him, mouths gaping as they take in the ray of sunshine.

“I have an idea,” Bakugou snaps as he frees himself from Aizawa-sensie’s capture weapon. “Why don’t they do what we had to do?”

Midoriya shakes his head. “Kacchan, no way! You just want to beat up first-years.”

“He wants to beat us up?” someone shouts, and the classroom is aroar.

Todoroki coughs, and the noise dies instantly. “That’s not actually the worst idea Bakugou’s had.” His nose wrinkles. “And he’s had plenty.”

The blonde ignores the jab, face splitting into a truly terrifying grin. “See? Even Half-and-Half agrees with me, so you’re outvoted, shitty Deku.”

Aizawa pinches the bridge of his nose, thinking before waving a lazy hand. “Whatever. It will be good for them to get the sparring experience. They’re only fighting one of you, though.” “We have to fight them?” Kibe exclaims, looking nauseous.

“Well,” Midoriya cuts in hastily to reassure them, sending a glare not-so-subtly in Todoroki’s direction. “It would be all of you against one of us. We had to do it our first year against Mirio-senpai and got our butts kicked, which is why Kacchan wants you to experience the same pain.”

“By Mirio-senpai, he’s talking about pro-hero Lemillion,” Todoroki explains at the confused glances. “When we were first years, him, Suneater, and Nejire-chan were the Big Three.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Midroiya laughs. “I actually did my first work-study with Lemillion under Sir Nighteye, so we got pretty close. I did my second one under Endeavour with these two.”

“No one gives a shit, nerd,” Bakugou snaps. “I wanna fight already!”

I think it’s interesting, Azuma can’t help but think. After all, being able to say you were close friends and worked with the number 4 hero is nothing to scoff at. She wonders if Lemillion is as energetic as he seems on the news.

Sando raises his hand, standing up when Aizawa nods to him. His wings twitch anxiously, but he keeps his back straight and chin up as he addresses the three third-years. “Don’t we only have to fight one of you?” At their nods, he pushes his glasses up and continues. “So why don’t we choose which one of you to fight?”

“Yeah!” Morita shouts, and the rest of the class nods along, murmuring their agreement.

Bakugou doesn’t seem phased. “Well, hurry up and make it official! I wanna kick all of your asses some time today!” Small explosions pop in his palms.

Midoriya tugs on his shirt. “Come on, Kacchan, don’t pressure them!” When the boy doesn’t budge, he rolls his eyes, wraps his arms under his armpits and physically drags him out of the classroom.

Bakugou lets out an all mighty screech and Aizawa-sensei smiles (if you could call it that). Todoroki seems unperturbed. “We’ll be in Gym Gamma for whenever you decide,” he bows to Aizawa and follows the other two out the door.

The moment the top three students in the school are gone, Sando takes to the front of the room. The class watches silently as he writes the kanji for all three names. “Now,” the class-president says, “we vote.”

Under Midoriya, he added a line. One by one, Midoriya’s name wracked up votes until there were 20 neat tick marks.

“Well,” Sando says drily, stepping back to survey the results. “I’m glad it was unanimous, at least.”

“Of course it was!” Shimoda scoffs.

“Why?” Aizawa’s dry voice cuts through the general chaos of twenty overpowered and rowdy teenagers, and they instantly fall silent. “Why did you all pick Midoriya?”

“Because he’s nice,” Azuma says.

“Because he’s not terrifying ,” someone adds.

Aizawa freezes. “You choose him because you thought he was weaker than the other two.”

“Well, yeah,” grinned Kibe. “The other two are terrifying, and we’ve never really heard of this guy before. He’s so much nicer than them, he’s gotta be the weaker of the three.” They shrug. “Not that he is weak, but we probably have a better chance.”

The class nods their agreement.

Aizawa stares at them for a moment, then two, and then he does something no Class 1-A student expects - he laughs. Doubled over, hands on his stomach, red eyes gleaming, the stoic teacher cackles.

“Ah,” he wipes at his eyes. “Funny.”

“So he’s not the weakest?” Azuma asks weakly.

Aizawa’s smile sharpens. “Weakest? He’s the strongest .” He fixes them all with a glare, tone changing abruptly, eyes dancing over looks of horror. “I hope you all take this as a lesson on judging by appearances. Midoriya Izuku might look harmless, but he’s been called the Future Symbol of Peace by heroes across Japan for a reason.”

“What’s his quirk?” Hirose looks like she’s going to vomit.

“Which one?” Aizawa grins nastily. “He has six.”

Sando hits his head on his desk with a thump. “Shit.”

Azuma can’t help but agree.

#fanfiction #fanfic #fanfictionwriter #fanficwriter #boku no hero academia #bnha #bnha fanfic #bnha fanfiction #mha #my hero academia #mha fic #my hero academia fic #mha fanfiction #mha drabble #boku no hero academia drabble #my hero academia fanfiction #my hero academia drabble #midoriya izuku #mha midoriya #bnha deku #bakugou katsuki #mha bakugo katsuki #todoroki shouto #mha todoroki #todoroki x midoriya #todoroki headcanons #midoriya headcanons #bakugou headcanons #class 1-a #aizawa shouta

[hanniejji]

rules: ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go

→ tagged by: @bnha-homeroom

→ tagging: @wesparklebitch @bakutae @cellotonin @bnhcs @jojosmilktea

look it's asking for only one character. and it's not specifically asking for a bnha character. you can't expect me to choose one and not feel bad because the others deserve love too gjsbf so i chose two i wanted to do all of them but that's too greedy of me tksbd im sorry :'<

warnings: this will be long. that's it.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

quiet duo™

it I met someone like shouto I wouldn't even like him at all

but there comes my considerate and civil treatment to all even with my resting bitch face

i watch everyone from the back so id notice if this man is having a hard time with socializing

me too boi we can be both antisocial

but tbh it'd be a quiet relationship with an occasional me screaming from emotions because that's how I am

we're both going to be uncomfortable with pda at first because tbh i only do that when I'm sleepy but it's ok we gotta take baby steps sometimes

but that doesn't mean I won't mother him and we all know this baby is touch starved so yes im going to give u all of the love u deserve

"get some rest pls you've been training for hours"

"i made your favorite soba, take a break bitch"

istg I'm a mother not a girlfriend

"let's both annoy enji and use his credit card until he's broke"

I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF YOUR SHIRTS AND HOODIES BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE NOW

like damn id be giddy if he ever looks at me with those cute confused eyes for help with simple things or if he looks at me and ask if he's doing it right

mother mode level 1038104729

also damn id give him every food I can make like I don't need to stress bake to bake him some sweets or whatever

he'd probably do the same for me since I tend to overwork myself when I'm into things

but,, honey,, I don't want you to burn the kitchen

like yes pls pull me away from my textbook because I really don't understand a thing and even if I don't I'm sure my brain will still make me go read it over and over again

im never good with listening to others comforting me

like yes thank you very much but words are never a big impact to me after hearing it so much from people who don't even care anymore

so I'd appreciate his silence when I'm sad and he'd just hug me for comfort

he understands that all I need is someone to keep me on the ground, not force their words upon me

tbh I'd be more sleepy when I'm around him

he's the right amount of warm and cool, he's perfect dkfks let me just rest on his left side for warmth or his right side for some cooling off and boom. sleep.

there wouldn't be much of a fight tbh

I'm an open minded person and even if I don't agree with someone's opinion I wouldn't give a fuck

it's probably going to take the both of us long before we both open up to each other because we're both secretive but it'll probably be me who'd give in first

he'll probably catch me in my sulking mood and ask

I may be a mom but I'm also a dad

I'd fight bitches who think bad of shouto I WON'T HESITATE BITCH

he has to stop me physically from attacking a mutt because these claws are ready for some scratching

we're so similar yet so different at the same time lmao

that's all :D

LERO-RO

have you heard of this man's voice??? have you heard of this man's voice??

because what the fuck

i will not be able to not be in awe whenever he speaks and im sure my stupid self wouldn't be able to stop staring

like please talk to me more

speak with your morning voice pls

bless my ears

bless my fucking soul

idk man how did i end up with him?? im stupid and he's smart and im clumsy and he can kill a bitch for just two seconds??!

pray for me because this man is going to tease me for being 5"0 and he's a fucking tower pun intended

he's probably going to end up teaching me how to use a shinsu because— and I quote— "you're going to end up dying without me" but it'll be a bad idea because there's no guarantee that I won't use it to prank him or mess with people who irritate me :D

he's stressed™

"nO. you can't beat up another admin"

"i swear to fucking god if u do that— oh fuck u"

"please do"

like how did you end up with a quiet evil little bitch like me? go get yourself an angel because you're an angel yourself, we don't fit man

but he's also a sweet mf uwu he'd end up mothering me instead of me mothering him

but it's gonna be nice to be pampered y'all can't understand the pain of being a mother to everyone

and yes we're bam and khun's parents now

excuse me while I climb this 6 ft tree

he probably loves cuddling me from behind and placing his chin on my head

"I'm not a furniture go get your chair"

he's an test admin, he's gonna be stressed and tired of taking care of a bunch of children so it'll be my turn to smother him in love uwu here's your favorite food, a massage, a tea, some cuddles, and a warm bath for u and only u

I can sleep on him so watch me ask for a piggy back ride just to sleep

and he can't deny me of that ride because I'd look sluggish and tired and sleepy and no one can say no to my face

ill kith his two moles uwu

honestly, we'd probably have petty arguments sometimes because of my idgaf attitude while he's more of a respectful + polite + appropriate person

let me have my freedom pls I don't like being uptight :((

and there goes my insecure ass because no, this man is too good for me, and im just stupid for giving it a try

and masking my emotions wouldn't work with him

he's gonna see it from miles away and he's going to confront me about what im upset about and he's going to blame himself for it because that's just how it is

but it's ok, it takes two for a relationship to work

we'd reassure each other from our insecurities and we'll be ok

he's probably going to treat me. like I'm some cat or something which I am

I'm pretty sure he'd be weirded out by my weird habits like yes I can sleep everywhere unless it's noisy and yes I stress bake and yes I drink coffee but still fall asleep and yes I love food give me food

he's an observant man, he's going to notice how I say no to thing even tho I want to say yes because I don't prioritize myself and he's going to scold me for it

we probably have a "us time" every so often because we both need to rest and just enjoy each other's presence

in other words, shouto and leroro deserve someone better than me :'D

#sprouttsse #tags #tag game #bnha #tog

[lingeringscars]

i would spontaneously combust if asked to list my top five t/100 dynamics but bellamy & raven will always hold a special place in my heart. he just cares about her a lot, like go into the woods at the end of the world because the idea of living without raven does not spark joy lot. he just thinks she’s the most brilliant person he’s ever met, and he clearly has no difficulty talking about this both to and about her. he doesn’t really see the pressure this could put on her, though?? he’s just...shut off to this aspect because even when he’s making inane statements like “raven could have built a cathedral by now,” he means it. she’s raven reyes and she’s gonna save them all. “we have raven. are you telling me she can’t figure out another way to make water?” it really could be construed as blind faith because putting all of his belief into her, but like i said he believes in her more than anyone else in the world. 

i’m starting my rewatch w/ my roommate tonight so this might be amended / updated and is v much from bellamy’s perspective but i do think he starts developing feelings for her around when they have sex. i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about that scene in general and have tag spiraled on more than one occasion in relation to it. raven is not in the best place because of finn & clarke there and bellamy genuinely doesn’t like seeing people suffer! ( from what I remember ) he’s seen around raven more after this scene / earlier that ep was again from what i remember the first bellamy giving raven pep talks re her being a huge pain in the ass but smart. he immediately discusses everything she did to get to the ground + then asked what else she had in her brain, and later that ep they have sex which brings us to the “did that help?” “no” scene and from then on, he’s one of the first people at her side whenever anything happens. 

i think about bellamy’s “is that raven” in the season 2 finale about 100 times a day. he recognized her from her scream, that’s absolutely horrifying, but he’s also so in tune with her pain and just feels that so deeply. it’s so automatic for him to give raven the support she needs !! adjusts automatically and is one of the first people if not the first to get to her if she needs it ( helping her down after being strung up & tortured by lexa, holding her during finn’s death, when he sees her trying to get back into camp after being shot, i’m sure there are others these just stand out specifically ).

bellamy is very...physically affectionate but pre-space, this usually takes form in grabbing someone’s shoulder than any other. he doesn’t tend to initiate hugs and definitely doesn’t solely initiate. as in, a lot of the hugs he has on screen are either someone else initiating it / both hugging at the same time. but that’s never been the case with raven!! in season 3 and season 4 where she really isn’t in a place where she can respond to it, he initiates a hug. she really doesn’t respond to either and yet he doesn’t let go immediately. he just loves her a lot !! i think his feelings for her kind of get buried but it’s these moments where they shine through because despite their differences, there’s a lot of love and trust there? and i think part of this is that bellamy was risking his life..every second he was in mount weather and raven really kept him tethered !! hearing her voice was enough to motivate him somedays when he didn’t know what they had to do, and talking it out with her ultimately helped w/ everything. 

i’ve spent a lot of time with the “you were never that devoted to gina” and “you don’t know what you’re talking about” quote, and I think this post about the script change kind of sums up my feelings because regardless of bob changing the line, this is always how i have perceived that scene !! he doesn’t say anything until that last moment, directly after ALIE!Raven makes a comment about it. we’re never gonna really know what was going on in that scene, and Raven’s can interpret what ALIE was reading into there, but i’ve talked this out a lot with @loveisaviolence esp after she added gina, so this is largely how we’ve developed that dynamic (bellamy x gina x raven) and i’m not gonna assume it with anyone else!! with that said, i CAN see bellamy kind of pursuing Raven post mount weather. i don’t see it going further than asking about getting a drink and he really cares for her so it doesn’t need to be a romantic thing !! but he does have feelings for her too, that continue to grow deeper the more time they spend together !! raven has also made comments about gina being too good for bellamy and like....there are layers to his thoughts that like on surface level and deep down he both agrees and disagrees with this statement. gina is bright !! and not this constant reminder of mount weather / what he did. she’s who he could get to with time, but raven is connected to mount weather ( especially since it was seeing her tortured that led to him starting to question whether they really did only have one option in mount weather ) and that leads to him feeling closer with her and wanting to be around her, but it makes it hard for a relationship too. while Monty & Harper could form a romantic relationship, it makes sense that bellamy & raven wouldn’t !! they’re both people that throw themselves into their work and respond w/ “i’m fine” even if they clearly aren’t ! they’re also just independent, albeit in very different ways. raven pushed wick away, and it makes so much sense that after everything she just wouldn’t be receptive to bellamy !! and that these memories would be present during the ALIE!Raven scene, which could make it seem like gina wasn’t his first choice even if she did become that and he did care about her so so so much. 

and i think it’s kind of the same when they get to space ! the feelings for raven didn’t just disappear and she’s still someone he loves and cares about. he knew that she was their best chance of survival and leaving her behind was never an option because that’s raven!! they need her, he needs her. they also are bonded by losing clarke and he’s gonna need to rely on raven more than ever !! ( can i just insert here that bellamy x clarke x raven is ...such a hot dynamic... ) season 4 was very good for that bellamy x clarke x raven dynamic in terms of leadership and how they all respond to it / the contention it forms between them. but going off of that....bellamy and raven are very different in that regard. bellamy sees short term: people are suffering, i can do this to stop the suffering, we have months and raven will figure it out. raven sees that bellamy making that final decision to blow up the hydro-generator cost them time and lives. bellamy saved those lives now and that’s what mattered to him but raven is able to say that he just postponed the inevitable for them and now made it so they don’t have 500 spots but 100. this is just !!! one of my favorite episodes / scenes of the entire show !! it really shows so much and I absolutely live for the “i made the call and i’ll live with that” and “and you’re not the one that has to live with your call as usual.” it’s such a brilliant scene whew okay back to my point. he does that again when making the call to get to raven instead of trying to get back to the bunker, asking her if she can get them off the ground before the death wave hits. 

anyway this would ... have to be plotted obviously but i could see them trying something in space within the first year just because mutual grief and comfort and having already been with each other even if it’d be different now. and ultimately...it not working out. i love them a lot and they’re one of the few t/100 romantic ships i actually ship because the show isn’t really about romance so much as just love and it’s why i can’t choose between dynamics because every single one is so rich !! but i think it also makes sense that it....would never work. i know a lot of people were excited at the prospect of b.raven getting together during the time jump but their dynamic kind of had to take a different turn as they grew? but more than that....i actually think they’re too similar! i don’t really know how to put it into words but it’s something i’ve thought about for a while... they push each other but they don’t necessarily grow from that....they just kinda push against each other. they’re also just...both so stubborn again in different ways but it makes it hard to do anything when you’re both too stubborn to bend. and as much love and care and trust they have for each other, that cannot sustain a romantic relationship !! they also just need someone to take them away from their work and i think bellamy would try and be that person for raven, but i don’t know if he could be effective at it especially considering....he has one of the strongest motivations to get back to the ground ( octavia ). they need someone that is going to get them away from throwing themselves completely into work, and that’s also another reason why they wouldn’t have worked during the first time jump. there’s always something else to grab their attention, always something else that needs to get done. 

b & e clearly reach a point where they discuss things and reach a place of forgiveness, but i don’t know if b.raven could do that? in terms of actual discussions and processing of trauma instead of just focusing on work. i think that if they were to have something in space, it would be rooted in love but....would basically be seeking out comfort and support and just....another body more than having a romantic partner. they’re two people who take on the world in different ways, but i don’t know if they’re as effective as other dynamics to share that with someone else?? like b & c shoulder burdens together and i like to think that raven & emori get there too, but i don’t know if b.raven would be particularly good for each other right now !! 

and i think raven is always gonna be someone that bellamy cares deeply for but all romantic feelings kind of go away after the first year -- at least for now as far as I think? i also think he’s just more adjusted at this point too. i don’t think he’s ever going to love going back to an empty room but he can find solace in it now more than before because spending all your time with the same six people can be a lot. my own personal headcanon has always been that bellamy asked raven to sleep in her room in the very beginning outside of any romantic / sexual relationship between the two of them just because she’s one of his favorite people / she’s safety / she’s comfort / they’re just kinda bonded because of everything on the ground and out of everyone...she’s the one he feels closest to especially in the beginning. ( it could be under the guise of trying to figure out how to get people to get along which i find amusing coming from these two people but their leadership dynamic wasn’t really explored and it makes sense that echo would take on a more prominent role and step into the leadership role on the ground but in space they made it clear that it was gonna be bellamy & raven and i’m ?? interested ?? in how that would have gone again because of their different leadership styles as mentioned earlier. they might be able to balance each other out ?? idk i don’t have a lot of thoughts on it bc i’ve never really explored it / thought about it )

i never really know how to end metas so in summation: bellamy loves raven a lot, believes in her a lot, thinks she’s the smartest person he has ever and will ever meet, he did develop romantic feelings for her even if it was never fully explored / him having feelings is usually assumed  depending on when, whether or not anything comes of it never is, after the six years in space, he doesn’t have romantic feelings for him anymore but she is his family and he loves her. 

#i would probably actually write if i didn't write 10 paragraph metas instead #torture tw #ask to tag #dyn: are you with me? always (rellamy) #muse: bellamy blake #i also kinda stop ?? shipping them after season 4?? i just don't really get that vibe from them anymore idk !! #long post #long post for ts #omg this really might have made it to ten paragraphs why do i not shUT UP #lmao i actually think that was my tag on this blog and my personal for them for a v long time otp: shut up #nah on this blog it was dyn: that's cute i think but still

[eldritchsurveys]

782.

Have you ever had a computer virus before? >> Nope, never. I don’t know if I’m just especially lucky or what, but I have zero experience with malware, viruses, or any of that.

Are you dependent upon anyone? >> Of course. Everyone’s dependent on someone, even if only indirectly.

Are there any book characters you'd like to portray? >> Like, as an actor in a movie adaptation or something? No, thanks.

Who did you last text? >> I sent Sparrow a bitmoji in response to her text.

Is there anything on your bed right now? >> Yeah, me. Also, an assortment of plushies, two weighted blankets, a hoodie, my phone, and my headphones.

When was the last time you went to the grocery store? >> It’s been a couple of weeks since I personally went. I stopped doing the grocery runs because of the mask rule; Sparrow is way better with wearing masks than I am. What way would you like to die when it's your time? >> As uneventfully as possible, please.

What are you most afraid of in the world? >> Some possible aspects of death. Also, confinement of any kind, like incarceration or being put in a mental hospital.

Have you ever been caving? >> Nope.

Do you do well in math related things? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually do any math-related things aside from the most basic kind.

What is your favorite fruit? >> I don’t have one.

If you had to choose, which sibling would you live with? >> ---

Do you have any tattoos? >> Yes.

Are you planning on getting any in the near future? >> No.

When was your last date? >> ---

When did you get Facebook? >> I don’t remember when I first signed up for it. Probably like 10 years ago or thereabouts.

Are any of your family members in jail? >> ---

What was your first pet's name? >> Roxie.

Are you good when it comes to computer issues? >> I don’t think my skill level at dealing with computer issues is particularly high. I basically just google the problems I don’t immediately know how to solve and try out different solutions, which literally anyone is capable of doing. I think what I’m good at is not having computer issues in the first place, considering every machine I’ve had has performed remarkably well over a pretty decent lifespan (except for Normandy, which just randomly died one day, but I think that was a heat issue and I’ve learned from it).

Are there any people at your job who absolutely hates you? >> ---

What was the last book you read? >> The last book I finished is The Poisonwood Bible.

Have you ever read any books in one day? >> Sure.

What was the last thing you bought? >> A nightstand.

What are your plans for tomorrow? >> I don’t have any plans for tomorrow.

Is there any jewelry you wear constantly? >> Yeah, I never take out my earrings or nose ring.

Are your fingernails painted at the moment? >> No.

Do you prefer cool, warm or neutral colors? >> I like a variety of colours for different reasons.

Have you ever taken art classes? >> Only in grade school and probably junior high.

What's the most boring movie you've ever seen? >> I have no idea.

Do you know how to work a cash register? >> I mean, I could figure it out.

Fact or fiction novels? >> A novel is fiction, period. But if you mean whether I prefer historical and realistic fiction, or fantastic fiction... well, usually the latter.

Have you ever suffered from depression? >> Yes.

Do you think you're a clingy person? >> No, because I’m not.

Do you enjoy kisses on the cheek? >> Not particularly.

Have you ever been in a physical fight before? >> Yes, quite a few times.

How often would you say you disagree with your parents? >> ---

What color shirt did you wear yesterday? >> Black.

Do you have a job? If so, do you like it? >> ---

Have you ever been called a slut before? >> Maybe.

What's something you've been craving? >> I’m not really craving anything that I’ve noticed.

Have you ever slept with your window open? >> I sleep with my window open for almost the entire year, actually. Even in winter I have it cracked at night, because I get really hot in my sleep.

Can you play violin? >> No.

What was the last desert you had? >> I don’t remember the last time I had a dessert.

Have you ever had a wild animal as a pet? >> No.

Do you know anyone you talk to on Facebook but won't talk to in person? >> No.

What color are your mother's eyes? >> ---

Do you have a best friend? If so, how long have you been best friends? >> I do not.

Do you cry easily? >> I mean, I don’t think so.

Have you ever been into a court room? >> Yes.

How many necklaces would you say you own? >> I own five necklaces. Soon to be six, when it gets here.

Do you plan on being strict towards your children? >> ---

Do you own any tie-dye shirts? >> Nope.

What would you say is your favorite day of the week? >> I have a particular affection towards Wednesday, but I don’t really have a favourite day of the week.

Do you ever wear lipstick? >> Ever, sure. But not usually.

Do you own a pool? >> No.

Do you have a Tumblr account? >> What’s a tumblr

Would you say you're overweight? >> I wouldn’t.

How many colors are in your hair? >> Well, two that I can see.

Do you flirt with a lot of people? >> I don’t flirt with anyone.

How many bank accounts do you have? >> One.

Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? >> Probably.

How old are you? >> 32.

Do you attend church regularly? >> I don’t.

Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? >> No song can describe my whole life, but there are songs that fit uncannily with certain aspects of my life.

What time did you wake up this morning? >> 7 or so.

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? >> I don’t plan for that, I just wake up whenever I feel like it.

What kind of car do you drive? >> I don’t.

What kind of car would you like to have? >> ---

Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what's your favorite thing to eat from there? >> Yeah, I’ve been there, but I don’t have a favourite thing from there. I don’t care for their stuff.

How old did you turn on your last birthday? >> 32...? This is basically just the same question as before, innit.

Ever felt like falling apart? >> Yes.

Have you ever been in an ambulance? >> Yeah.

Do you tend to worry a lot? >> No.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? >> I have no idea.

Do you remember your first time on the internet? >> I only vaguely remember it.

Which website do you email from? >> Gmail.

Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? >> I don’t really receive souvenirs. Which is perfectly fine.

Do you get angry with people easily? >> No.

Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? >> I don’t know if a lot of people dislike me, it’s not like people are often up-front about that sort of thing. I don’t dislike too many people.

Have you ever had the flu? >> No.

What about strep throat? >> No.

What would you say is the worst kind of emotional pain? >> I wouldn’t say, because it makes no sense to me to “rate” pain like that.

Have you ever been to a psychologist? >> Yeah.

What's the worst part about school? >> You know, the whole thing.

Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you're still in school? >> ---

When was your last vacation? >> January.

Would you ever consider going on a cruise? >> I’d consider it.

What did you last buy from the store? >> I haven’t been inside a store in a few weeks.

Would you say you enjoy being single or in a relationship more? >> I wouldn’t say, because that’s not really how it works.

Do you try to stay busy a lot? >> No.

What's your favorite quote? >> I don’t know, man.

Do you lie a lot? >> I rarely lie.

Do you still act childish most of the time? >> No.

Did you ever enjoy gym class? >> The only time I enjoyed it were the semesters I got to take archery.

What is your biggest insecurity? >> I have no idea.

Have you ever painted a room alone? >> No.

Speaking of which, when did you last paint your room? >> I didn’t?

What does your favorite jacket / hoodie look like? >> The hoodie I wear the most (aside from the one I just wear around the house) is a New Orleans Museum of Death hoodie.

What's for dinner tonight? >> I don’t know.

Do you ever drink alcohol? >> Yes.

Have you ever had a terrible hangover? >> No.

Do you ever get migraines? >> No.

Do you know how to garden? >> I mean, I generally know how to put seeds in the ground and water them. The specific mechanics of growing specific things are not necessarily known to me, but that’s what the internet is for.

What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? >> Probably my computer charger.

Do people consider you to be a funny person? >> I don’t know, do they?

Do you have any bad habits? >> Of course I do.

Do you like children? If not, why is this? >> I like them fine. At the very least, I respect them as people, even if I can’t stand to be around them for [usually] sensory reasons.

What is your favorite snack? >> I don’t know, I have a few go-tos.

Do you own any gaming systems? >> We have several.

How old were your parents when they had you? >> My father was 52 and my mother was in her early or mid 20s.

Is there a big age difference between you and the person you like? >> ---

Do you trashtalk people a lot? >> No.

What is the most amusing thing on the internet, in your opinion? >> Just... memes. I like memes. Also animals being derpy.

Does the future excite you or scare you? >> It has little to no effect on me, I don’t properly conceptualise the future as a thing.

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? >> No.

Do you try to spend a lot of time with family? >> ---

How often do you shower? >> Every couple of days.

What would you say is your favorite genre of music? >> I wouldn’t say. I like a lot of genres.

Do you need to clean your bedroom? >> Yeah. I’m going to finally do it when the new nightstand gets here, so probably Wednesday.

What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? >> You know. Living.

Do you enjoy Chinese food? >> Occasionally. Most of the time I merely tolerate it.

Do you smile a lot? >> I don’t know, what’s a lot?

What is your favorite movie from the nineties? >> Maybe Event Horizon.

Which decade were you born in? >> The eighties.

Are you good at giving advice to people? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually do it.

How many huge secrets do you have? >> Zero.

How many people know these secrets? >> ---

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? >> Once, if that.

Do you ever floss? >> No, it feels horrible.

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? >> Yes.

Ever considered suicide? If so, did you try to commit suicide? >> Yes and yes.

Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? >> No, I usually do that on my own.

Do you like texting or calling people more? >> I only text.

What's your favorite band? >> Zeal & Ardor is one.

Do you have a lot of friends? >> No.

Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? >> I don’t know, maybe when I was young.

Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? >> Right now, I’d kill to eat somewhere that wasn’t my apartment.

When did you last babysit, if ever? >> ---

Do you have any younger siblings? >> No.

Have you ever thought of someone as useless? >> Not that I can recall. It feels weird to think of people in terms of what “use” they can be to oneself.

Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? >> Yeah, and then I did it.

Do you drink vitamin water? >> Nope. Do they even still sell that? I haven’t seen it in a while.

Do you ever straighten your hair? >> No.

What's the best way to end a conversation? >> I would assume that depends on the nature of the conversation and the depth of the relationship between the participants.

Are there any old movies you absolutely love? >> Of course.

Have you ever had a Big Mac before? >> Yes.

Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? >> The reasonable rate for me is zero, so yeah, I think so.

Where is your favorite place to travel? >> Oh, you know. Almost anywhere.

What is your goal for the next few months? >> I have no goal. Except, I guess, maintaining equilibrium.

Can you count to ten in another language other than your own? >> Yeah.

Do you own a lot of shoes? >> Nope, I own two pairs (and two pairs of weather boots).

What is your favorite season and why? >> Spring. It just is, man.

Does photography interest you at all? >> Not really. I like looking at photographs other people have taken, though.

Have you ever played on a sports team before? If you have, what was that sport and when? >> When I was in school. I tried field hockey and predictably sucked total ass at it. (I say “predictably” in hindsight. I had no concept of my abilities and disabilities back then.)

Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? >> No.

Do you think you're a good singer? >> I think I can hold a tune, but if I was going to be good I would need to practice more and probably get a coach. Fortunately, being “good” at singing isn’t a priority of mine, so I’m perfectly happy just being able to hold a tune.

Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? >> Sweatpants, absolutely.

Do you think you have a good sense of style? >> It’s good for me.

Do you enjoy reading often? >> Yes.

Have you ever had a deadly illness? >> No.

Ever had food-poisoning before? >> Yes.

Where did you last eat dinner at? >> On the couch, watching Sparrow play Persona 5.

Have you ever shot a gun before? >> No.

#surveys #survey #random survey #this one has 150+ questions so be forewarned lol

[ittakesrain]

The storm has subsided (mostly)

I guess it’s like a pendulum. It goes from one extreme to the other, oscillating with all that energy being saved up and used between swings, whizzing by its equilibrium position, giving me whiplash as I try to keep up and get my head on straight. But eventually, the momentum, which is thankfully not conserved, slows it down and it stops.

Basically, when I’m coming out of a period of what I call “I just lost my goddamn mind,” it becomes more spread out. Less intense, I guess, although yesterday’s random panic attack was pretty insane. But today has been fine, and tomorrow might be a little iffy, but then the next day will most likely be fine. And so on.

That’s exhausting in its own right because I’ve said a billion times that I’d rather just feel shitty than feel shitty with periods of feeling okay. I don’t like being teased like that.  Unfortunately, I don’t have control over how it works (ugh).

I don’t think I have to explain that in the darkest depths of my depressions, I physically cannot find any good, any meaning, any safe thought to rest on. “Just being positive” is not an option because my thoughts are spinning painfully fast and I am totally unable to fathom how I’ve every functioned and how I’ll ever be able to function again. It’s all-consuming, omnipresent dread.

(Sidenote: someone literally tried to pull the whole “just be positive” bullshit on me the other day, and then proceeded to tell me about people who have it worse than I do but still have better attitudes than me…needless to say, I was not very happy…I didn’t even bother to explain how utterly wrong she was because why waste the little energy I somehow still had?)

Howeverrrrr, now that I don’t feel like death warmed over, I’m using the time to do what I always fucking do and value the semi-calm and pretend there’s meaning in this bullshit (okay, I’m still a bit negative, but go with me here). I’ve done this countless times before, but hey, why not do it again? Maybe thinking this way and preparing for the eventual and inevitable next-time will finally be of use. Fingers crossed. Anyway, here’s a list.

How to survive the bad days

1. Just don’t

Don’t bother. Don’t try. Don’t waste precious energy. It can wait. It will have to wait. It has no choice but to wait. I’m not talking about literally everything by saying this. Obviously there are some responsibilities we can’t totally hide from. But don’t add shit to your to-do list that you don’t have to. Cut out literally everything you can cut out. Another way to phrase this might be “get your priorities straight.” And, my main point, I guess, is to not beat yourself up about not. Survival mode is difficult enough. Give yourself credit.

2. Maintain your body one thing at a time

There are things human beings hafta do to like, be human beings. We need to take care of ourselves. Use the car analogy or whatever, cars require maintenance, bodies do too. There’s lots to do though, and right now you don’t wanna do any of them. So maybe choose one thing and then feel good that you’ve done that thing and then stop trying to do more things because #depressionisexhausting amirite? Choose from the following: wash your face, brush your teeth, have a glass of water, stretch your body, take a shower, change your clothes, open a window and get some fresh air, eat something with some sort of nutritional value

3. Ask for help

Why face the monsters from the hell that is your brain alone? You literally don’t have to. People love you, they’re there to support you (it’s true; your depression and anxiety are lying to you, those worthless motherfuckers). I might be guilty of asking too many people for help (usually), which is bad because there’s so much input coming in, not all of it valuable or helpful, and it’s overwhelming (and I’m already overwhelmed). This round I kinda just kept to myself and didn’t answer any texts or messages because I had no brainpower to figure out how to describe this bs yet again, let alone figure out how to put words together). But when I finally thought to call one person, it was actually helpful. And I dunno, they say talking helps in general? So yeah.

4. If you can do it, do it

If you can open your Pinterest app and find an inspirational quote, do it. If you can summon the will to put a single dish from the sink into the dishwasher, do it. If you can try to quiet your mind, try to breathe deeply in spite of the anguish, do it. If you can’t, refer to point #1 and don’t. You’ll be able to at one point or another, so just wait it out. I think giving up and not doing shit you can actually do makes things worse, though (duh).

5. Be miserable all around the house

I assume you’ve been laying in bed all day. Maybe you’re crying or maybe you’re totally catatonic. Whatever the case may be, try to be miserable somewhere else. Sit on your couch and cry or stare blankly into space. Sit on the floor and curl into a ball there as opposed to on a comfier surface. Feel the pain in the kitchen. Drag yourself to the bathroom and feel the weight of the world there, instead. I think not staying in one place helps trigger some sort of something good in our brains. Might be totally wrong. But maybe you’ll be less bored (on top of your crippling depression).

6. Go to sleep then be awake, repeat

I basically slept whenever I could this episode. It started with insomnia, of course (hypomania always starts with that and violent irritability, both of which are just…so unpleasant). But when I got sick enough of that I’d take Benadryl and shit to knock myself out. Dunno if that was wise, please don’t take my idiotic advice without talking to your doc. But sleeping/ not being conscious while I waited it out? Sounded good to me. Buttttt I think next time (ughhhhh next time) I’ll try to be awake when I’m awake. Not saying I’m not gonna sleep my days away. God knows I can’t make that promise. But like. There’s a certain something about being an awake and alert entity that seems helpful.

Right

Has this been helpful? Probably not to read, but it’s been helpful to write. Am I going to remember these “tips” when major depression crashes into me like the meteor that caused the ice age? Probably not. Why did I write this then? Eh, why not.

#bipolar #bipolar disorder #depression #anxiety #hypomanic #bipolar mania #actuallybipolar #actually bipolar #depression tips #tips #advice #mental illness #mental illness recovery #mood disorder #writing

[leapingtitan]

Thoughts on Chapter 114

I have to say that I’ve been looking forward to this chapter for almost 3 years. Zeke being my favorite character, his past is something I’ve been wanting to see all this time. And Isayama delivered just on time.

There are a few points to point out in regards to this, but this may very well be my favorite snk chapter, at least for the time being. It has basically all of the things that make me love snk as a whole. Main lore revelations, displays of how fucked up the world is and of course, Zeke Jaeger as a character and the revelation of what he has been trying to do all along.

Zeke’s past is, to say the least, screwed up. Grisha and Dina’s behavior towards him was very much what we expected it to be. It was hinted, but seeing it from Zeke’s eyes was just drenching. Those two didn’t really care about Zeke as a child and used him for their purposes in acquiring the Founding Titan. All in the process, they forgot that he is just a child and placed enormous stress on him. As Xaver stated, it didn’t even look like he wanted to become a warrior himself, at least not until much later.

Tom Xaver is the “Mysterious Man” from the character guidebook who was briefly mentioned at the end of last chapter. Although it was speculated to be the case because of his armband, getting the confirmation that he the source of both the Beast Titan’s powers that Zeke ended up acquiring later on and the glasses with Zeke seem to have personal value to Zeke for the obvious reason that is him and Xaver’s relationship.

Xaver, in any case, was an interesting character on his own. His manifestation of the Beast Titan’s powers was apparently deemed unfitting for Marley’s typical usage of their power, that is invading other countries and making use of the sheer force that is the Titan shifting ability. Although I’m curious to know how exactly Xaver’s Beast Titan was “useless” in that regard. Remember when Magath was analyzing each of the Titans in the first half of the Marley arc? It seems that the thing that Beast Titans have in common is being slightly taller than the others that are not the Colossal Titan.

Since Xaver was already a baseball player who seemingly had quite a bit of free time to practice the sport, my guess is his Beast Titan did not have the physical features that Zeke’s does. In this case, the abnormally long arms which would provide massive momentum and throwing strength.

But regardless, Tom Xaver chooses to dedicate the remainder of his life to being a Titan Researcher. This was personally an enjoyable aspect of his character to me, as the Titan Chemistry Research Society that has been mentioned since the Basement reveal hasn’t really gotten any direct exposition, so seeing a direct member of it was nice.

Anyway, Zeke isn’t doing that well as a warrior and Tom Xaver is not fit for combat, so the two naturally spend a lot of time together. It ultimately leads to Xaver being the one to suggest Zeke betraying his parents after he overhears that Marley is on their trail. In a way, this ultimately sheds light to Zeke’s further developments.

He betrayed his parents to save his own life plus that of his grandparents, and it wasn’t until later when he found the resolve as an Eldian Restorationist on his own. Thus, I truly believe in what he told Kiyomi. His parents being cruel and inconsiderate of him aside, Zeke may or may not have come to his own conclusion that they would only bring Eldia down.

It isn’t until Zeke’s later years that we find out about a certain reveal which I quite appreciated. Eldians, “Subjects of Ymir” are biological extensions of the Founding Titan’s biology itself. That’s just the way of saying that they’re all connected to the Coordinate in the middle, where the Founding Titan is. As Zeke’s Beast Titan can trasnform those marked to his own Coordinate, his Titan via spinal fluid, we can assume that, should the Founding Titan decide to do so, can mass-transform Eldians in the same fashion as the it’s connected to all of them by default. On top of that, Xaver theorizes that it possesses the ability to alter their biological structure to the point of completely eradicating an epidemic.

This theory is what brings us to the main reveal this chapter, Zeke’s plan which we have been theorizing about for a long time now. To use the Founding Titan’s powers to sterilize every Eldian and wait for the last generation to die either by natural or non-natural means. With that, even if one of the 9 Titans remains, once they reach the 13 year point, the power wouldn’t have anyone to transfer to. Thus, ending the “cursed history” just like he said he would.

Before I elaborate on that, Tom reveals to Zeke that he himself wishes he never would have been born due to the stuff that happened with his wife. Truly cruel, and you can see that until the end they remain on the same page. The father/son moment they had as well was quite touching but very tragic, just like the rest of the chapter for the most part.

We come to the current point in time where Zeke detonates the thunderspear in his abdomen in hopes to escape his confinement and get rid of Levi. Both of them have been opposing forces since the Return to Shiganshina arc but they both ended up making the same mistake over and over again: Underestimating each other. Levi didn’t think Zeke would do anything under his watch in the forest and didn’t think he would actually detonate himself either. Meanwhile, Zeke has underestimated Levi an equal number of times as well.

But regardless, he did it. I don’t believe that Zeke is dead because let’s be real here, he has quite a lot of plot armor and killing him after revealing his goal to euthanize the Eldian race would be anti-climatic and would render the entire chapter pointless. Levi, on the other hand, has to die sooner or later. I’m not saying I’m “happy” though I personally never hold personal bias and attachment with characters outside of ironic and meme reasons. If a character dies, they die. That’s it. I’ve been reading snk for almost 5 years and I’ve gotten used to it at this point.

With that said Levi could potentially come back later depending on how fast he heals but my prediction is, someone will find him and he’s going to have his last words. When the big boom happens, it seems to be raining. Atmospherically that seems an appropriate end for him, whenever someone finds him. As for Zeke, seems like Levi was lying. He did close his limbs from the explosion from what we can see though it’s nothing he can’t regenerate. His neck seems in tact and it looks like he’s gotten used to physical pain at this point. Honestly, it’s tragic.

Lastly we come to what I believe is the most important lead we have this chapter. Folks,

Zeke and Eren are not on the same side.

Although we can question Eren’s mental state and motives for the past 20 chapters, let’s just keep in kind that this is Eren who has ALWAYS fought for freedom. The one who possesses the Attack Titan, at that. Now, do you really believe that his idea of “Freedom” is for his own race to go extinct?

Personally, I think he may have tricked Zeke, but at the end, I believe the two to have entirely different motives and are not going to be the dynamic duo of this final arc.

The biggest reason why I think that is an interview that Isayama held a few years ago when he was asked about Zeke. This is not a direct quote, but Isayama says something along the lines of

“When coming up with Zeke’s character, I wanted to follow a main common trope that the main character, in this case Eren, needs an opposite. In this case, Zeke is the type of brotherly existence to Eren but is ultimately the kind of character the protagonist strives not to become.”

In other words, Eren and Zeke both wish for Eldia’s salvation. However, they have different ideas. Zeke wishes for the extinction of the Eldian race, while Eren likely wishes for Eldia to overcome its oppression even if it means absolute genocide against the rest of the world.

This is why I believe that the “Final Battle” will involve the infiltrating Marleyan warriors, the fleet fighting off against the remainder of the Survey Corps, while Eren deals with Zeke.

Logically speaking, Zeke has no reason to activate the rumbling, but what needs to be elaborated on is that Eren is the one who decides what the outcome of the usage of the Founding Titan’s powers are, not Zeke. I definitely believe the two will duke it out, but before that we are going to get the next thing I’ve been waiting for which is their long-awaited reunion. And no, the airship doesn’t count.

Overall, like I said this may very well be my favorite snk chapter for now. Don’t have much else to say except it’s very solid and I look forward to seeing the rest, as usual.

#snk 114 #snk spoilers #zeke jaeger #tom xaver #levi ackerman #eren jaeger #snk meta

[mayadidntsignupforthis-blog]

When The Village Wants to be There.

I like to think that when someone I know is in need, I am one of the first to get up and support them. Whether its through a conversation, just sitting there and listening, referring on to someone else or physically holding them until they feel better, I try and do what I can. Sometimes I will see something that tells me the person I know isn’t ok. For my friends who are reading this, I see you and I see when somethings wrong, stop trying to tell me otherwise. Other times people reach out. Knowing that I work in suicide prevention and mental health (despite not being a counselor or crisis supporter). On so many levels, I feel blessed to be the person I am. To be trusted by those around me for them to share their story, their pain and reach out for help. I feel privileged to know that I am helping them on their journey to better mental health and a better quality of life. While at times, yes I get tired and I need to set my boundaries, it is still such an honour to be there for you.

What I grapple with however is why it has been so hard for me to reach out for help and to receive it when I am in need. Although admittedly, I have recenlty changed my tune and would like to share what I have learnt in the hope that it will encourage others to think of things a little differently.

The last couple of months have been particularly challenging for me. My seemingly perfect relationship ended, my children and I needed to find a place to stay and at 32 I have had to rebuild my life for the 3rd time finding myself feeling alone. It’s taken me a while to get my head around that. In fact, this is the first time I have been able to openly communicate it without getting upset but that has been my last 2 months.

What has made the 3rd time so different however is that for the first time, I have swallowed my misplaced pride and accepted the help that has been offered to me from the most unlikely of places. Even the ex-husband (who I have a volatile relationship with to say the least) has helped!!

In the past, I feel that I have been a very proud independent person. Someone who hated the thought of ever relying on anyone for anything. I had to pay my own way and build my own life. I would fight my own demons and I will win. It made my journey harder and I rarely won – if anything it made things worse! I felt a little embarrassed accepting help from anyone and it made me feel weak and incapable in doing so. I made my life harder when really all I had to do was shift how I thought about all of this.

This time however, I’m tired. I’m tired emotionally and mentally. I probably could get up on my feet alone but I saw how long it took me last time. Do I want to battle this for that long again? Is it even worth it? Its my 3rd f*cking time! No I don’t want to be in this space for months on end.

This time, when a hand has been extended, I have made the decision to reach for that hand and it has helped me that little bit more to get myself back together.

My parents of course have been there every step of the way and I cannot thank them enough for giving us a roof over our heads and all the burek we can eat until we found our own place. They still pick the kids up, cook for us sometimes and do a bunch of other things I won’t get into. While a lot of it isn’t necessary, it has helped so much.

My friends, they have helped me with the house and offered to help us move in. Others have listened to me cry and rant and try to rationalise the ugly feelings that I have had to the point help me move on. Others have given me space which I so very much needed knowing I can turn to them whenever I am ready. I have seen your help and I have taken it and I’m grateful.

When I raised how grateful I am for the support I have received, my beautiful friend Nicole pointed out to me that “we have always been there, you’ve just never needed us before”. I read that and it touched my heart. Almost made me feel silly for not calling on the help around me sooner!!!  

Now, where I used to feel embarrassed to ask for help, I now feel humbled at how much love and support is around me. When I once felt too proud to ask for support, I am proud that I have reached out and not taken the most recent path of my journey on my own. Where I felt weak, that has been replaced with a strength that I have found sooner than the first 2 times I had to rebuild. When I felt vulnerable, I now feel safe that I am not alone and I never have to feel alone again.

There is a strength that can be found when you feel that there is nothing more you can lose – when you have nothing more to lose you have everything to gain. Yes, I have lost a lot in the last few months but I have regained a little more of myself and I have seen how good I am at choosing friends and keeping important people around me.

I encourage everyone who has not felt “right” or who has lost or been a dark place to please not push away the people who are trying to help you. Let them pick you up and dust you off. While I’m sure  you can do it on your own, its much quicker and more powerful when your village helps you, the same way you would help any one of them when they need it. If you feel you can’t reach out to those close to you, try Lifeline (13 11 14) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 46 36). Either way, you don’t need to be alone.

To that, I would like to end with my favourite quote, one that in the context of this piece seems a lot less tiring and a lot more possible…

#itsoktonotbeok #reachout #love village support