I stumbled across a reputable energy healer on Etsy and had him conduct a distance healing session to balance my feminine and masculine energy on Wednesday morning. He ended up doing all kinds of work throughout my body/ chakra system and releasing a ton of old attachments and stuck energy, and I’ve felt both lighter and more open than I have in ages and also very, very sad as old clogged/closed off areas of pain have finally started flowing again. It’s lead me to some profound realizations and healing, and with my 30th birthday rapidly approaching, this feels like a much bigger, more permanent shift in my being and health than anything before.
I am an emotional lightning rod/trash heap. Like the opposite of emotional vampires, who intentionally draw away other people’s positive energy, I unintentionally draw people’s negative energy. My mother, my sister, my aunt, my grandmother, a former best friend, my late partner, my old classmates, some of my teachers, strangers on the bus, tons and tons of other people have just heaped on me, without my consent.
In this way, I was emotionally neglected, used, and abused on a daily basis for my whole life until now. I know the language for it is shockingly strong, but it feels like a form of energetic rape. Even if the person doing it never even physically touched me, emotional/mental/energy body has been violated continually, often by the very people who are closest to me and should have been taking care of me. It feels like I’ve carried a whole forest of hooks in my belly from where people have sliced me open and shoved all their garbage in.
No wonder my body has built in so many layers of padding and fat, especially around my sensitive belly, and by mind has built in so much anxiety/depression/addictiveness to numb me out to all of the crap piled on me all day. No wonder I feel like I’ve been carrying around all of this bullshit in my body from other people that isn’t mine to carry. No wonder I’ve assumed that I’m an unloved, unwanted burden.
No wonder I’ve had self esteem issues/so much hesitancy around opening up so that the masculine/goddess/universe can pour good things into me and I’ve been closed off to emotional intimacy and sex - nearly every time that I’ve been poured into before it’s been a bucket of shit! No wonder it surprises me when people treat me with genuine love, kindness, and friendship and pour honey over me instead.
It’s not my fault that I draw this any more than it’s my fault that I’ve got resting helpful face. This is simply the way the universe set me up in order to become the best counselor I can - because holy crap has this ever been amazing training. Yes, I became a people-pleaser and fawner and doormat in order to survive that life, but it taught me sooo much about people and their inner lives and emotional health. And I don’t have to be that way anymore - it is my birthright to have healthy boundaries and space away from the people who use and abuse me.
I am the alchemical child of my emotionally neglected/abused maternal line and my loving, best-unofficial-therapist-I’ve-ever-known paternal Grandmother - the perfect combination to heal my ancestral traumas. I am the one to break this pattern and liberate us all.
But first I am liberating myself.
❦︎ MASTERPOST ❦︎
✰ Heyo! I'm Carols.
✰ I use she/her and they/them pronouns and I'm Italian.
✰ My current main interest is Little Nightmares.
✰ Some other interests of mine are Sgt Frog, Wander Over Yonder, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Spirited Away and Death Note. I also appreciate theorizing and analizing characters in general, I find it extremely fascinating.
✰ I made this post to help you guys navigate through my account and find my LN theories & fanfics quicker.
✰ My ask box is open! I'm a little slow since English isn't my first language.
✰ Current number of asks: 47
✰ Posts in the drafts: 4
✰ My DMs are also open! If you want to say hi please do so! :)
✰ Theories & Fanfics under the cut! I'll update the list as time goes on.
✞︎ LN Theories List ✞︎
♔︎The Thin Man takes children to the Maw (in response to @bwry-writes 's post)
♔︎ The yellow raincoat in the Pale City is symbolic
♔︎ The Maw is... surprisingly safe? PT 1 - PT 2 - PT 3
♔︎ The Thin Man = Hanging Man dilemma, PT 1 - PT 2 - PT 3
♔︎ A (very) general look at the Lady (& some headcanons)
♔︎ How do the children get to the LN world?
♔︎ RCG and the girl in the Lady's painting + the Eye's influence in the Nest
♔︎ Dejavu? (Headcanons + an actual minitheory that will be expanded later on)
♔︎ Hunter's real face, Hunter on the Maw & Hunter and the Doctor!
♔︎ Hunter, the Lady and why he didn't kill Six
♔︎ Hunter & The Ferryman
♔︎ Possible LN 2 DLC idea starring RK in the Pale City (Just rambling, nothing official. Would be cool though😩)
♔︎ Who's the girl with the Lady in the portrait?
♔︎ The Masks: did they belong to the previous Ladies? Analysis of the masks' official description and of their jack in the boxes & rooms in VLN
♔︎ Dream symbolism of the Fox, Scarecrow and Teapot masks
♔︎ About the Rascal mask
♔︎ Did the previous Ladies visit the Nest?
♔︎ The RK accident: in defense of Six
♔︎ Six isn't native of the Ln world...
♔︎ ... But Mono might be
♔︎ Is the Pretender human?
♔︎ IT WAS ALL THE HUNTER'S FAULT
♔︎ A look at the Shadow Children's dialogue!
♔︎ The LN 2 comics timeline (as an addiction to @itstimetotheorize 's brilliant post)
♔︎ The Eye and the kids it watches over
♔︎ Granny info! (in response to @agentravensong 's post)
♔︎ The scrapped TV-Eye Monster
♔︎ The order of the Ladies (COMING SOON!)
♔︎ The Barber, The Lunchlady & The Baker (COMING SOON!)
♔︎ A bunch of minitheories & observations about the Square (Thin Man, Lady, Mono & Six) (COMING SOON!)
♔︎ The Thin Man & the Lady: are they connected? (COMING SOON!)
᯽ LN Fanfic List ᯽
THE FANFICS LISTED HERE ARE ONLY THE ONES I STARTED TO WRITE, SO CONCEPTS WILL NOT BE INCLUDED!
☼︎ The Gang! AU (series, three parter, writing this with my friend! Hi Emi!)
Overall Tags: Kid OCs | Monster OCs | canon divergence | Mono doesn't get dropped | Runaway Kid lives | hurt/comfort | good ending after a LOT of pain | canon/oc friendships | the Eye definetely gets it's ass beaten in the end | ANGST | character death | lowkey kinda wholesome in some moments | Time Loop theory | the loop is broken lol | the Monsters talk | Roger is nice | Shadow Six is an active force of chaos | comicbook characters | fuck the North Wind he deserves nothing (affectionate) | the Ferryman and Bellhop are here! | Feral Lady | Feral Thin Man | both MUCH later in the story | Feral Mono | Feral Six
Chapters written: 6/25 (part one) 0/? (part two), 0/? (part three)
Chapters published: None yet!
Current word count: A bit over 20k
Synopsis [Part One]: Follow Mono, Zip, Six and Emerald in their journey through the Pale City in search of a safe place to live in peace. Companions by chance and friends by choice, the four will stick together through thick and thin as they run from the horrors that sorround them, trying to make sense of everything. But nothing has sense nor purpose in the Pale City: things just happen. No one has control over the events and while the four want to believe that they're different from the mindless mass, they can't help but wonder, deep down in their hearts, if the same might be true for them as well.
☼︎ "Fifteen Notes to You"
Tags: Runaway Kid is the protagonist! | but really he's just a spectator | canon compliant | Time Loop theory | the nomes are cute | a lot of hurt and absolutely no comfort | ANGST | implied character death | Mono is not having a good time | neither is the Lady tbh | mention of murder | Very light mention of $3lf h4rm
Chapters written: 1/3
Chapters published: None yet!
Word count: 2.8k
Synopsis: The Runaway boy finally stops running, having a moment to catch his breath. As he rests, he decides to give those notes he found a read. He knows he shouldn't, they weren't meant for him!, but he can't help it. He's too curious. Plus, if he finds out who they were adressed to, maybe he can deliver the letters to them. But he has to find them all first - let's wish him luck!
☼︎ "The Lost Ones"
Tags: Angst | of course | Kid OCs | not really though? I just give the glitching remains a name | character death | I'll add more specific tags as the chapters progress | drabbles | the Thin Man is mentioned but never appears
Chapters written: 1/18
Chapters published: None yet!
Synopsis: For the ones who didn't have the chance to show us their own stories and how they ended.
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