#it’s very surreal and I’m all over the place emotionally

[wildwren]

Okay, so I watched 1899 this week and,,,, I’m actually gonna drive myself insane if I don’t get some thoughts out about it — like I’m not even saying these thoughts are deep or mind-blowing or extra special analyze-y or anything, I just need to write ‘em down so my brain can get some space because they're are currently chewing holes in the ol’ lobes. Anyway!

Warning: Spoilers for 1899, mild Dark slander, spoilers for Severance 

I went into 1899 pretty excited. I love historical fiction, I love boat stories, especially boat disaster stories, I very much enjoyed Dark (although I would not call it a masterpiece or a perfect story or some of the other things people call it), I love watching shows that are not (entirely) in English. I love sinister mysteries/horror/surrealism, etc. Seemed like a pretty good vibe! 

For me, Dark was a very enjoyable ride and certainly a good use of viewing hours, but I personally wasn’t entirely moved by the scale of its sci-fi premise. I found the central time-loop conceit and all its twisty convolutions ultimately less interesting than the character work they were doing, the ways in which they were using the sci-fi premise to explore character by placing different versions of the same characters in relation to each other and seeing how they responded. However, the writing suffered imo from a sort of over-ponderousness — long philosophical monologues delivered by disembodied voices extrapolating on the nature of reality and time, full needle-drop montages at the end of every episode which were sometimes emotionally impactful and sometimes not. And while I appreciate their choice to end it at 3 seasons instead of continuing the story interminably, when it was all said and done, it felt rather long-winded to me, as if an even shorter form and a more condensed structure might have actually served the story better. 

Most of the critical reviews I’ve read of 1899 have been comparing it unfavorably with Dark, naming it as a failure to live up to the showrunner’s first big project, but I can’t say I agree. For starters, it’s hard to compare the two when Dark is complete and 1899 is not. But I’m pleasantly surprised by 1899’s attempts to correct the indulgences of Dark. There are essentially no ponderous monologues delivered by disembodied voices! Hallelujah! The needle-drop montages are still there and are still personally underwhelming for me, but they are quite punchy and short. The pacing feels much more spry (although some critics are calling it interminably slow? Disagree). The character work is still strong, but instead of focusing on a bunch of white middle-class teenagers and their parents in a comfortable suburb, it widens its scope to include a much greater range of experiences and stories. And it does so very effectively! 

It’s the character work that hits the hardest for me. I was particularly impressed by the secondary characters in 1899 (by that, I think I mean everyone other than Maura, Daniel, Elliott). Each one of them felt richly drawn and complex, and their backstories were revealed by means of the sort of slow-building, situational exposition which keeps me engaged. Not one of these characters felt stock or rote, but were allowed to be fully real and messy, driving the failed loop narrative forward by playing out their own pain and suffering and love in compelling ways. The strongest of these stories for me was probably Tove and Krester — two siblings bonded by a shared trauma event and their desire to escape it, who nevertheless continually fail each other over the course of the story with heartbreaking consequences. A very close second was Ángel and Ramiro, who I originally worried would be reduced to “scummy gays” but whose relationship held so much complexity — at turns toxic, at turns tender — that I ugly cried at Ángel’s death. Ling Yi and Yuk Je were another pair of heartbreakers, and even Olek, perhaps the most uncomplicatedly “good” character in the narrative, carried a darkness with him that haunts me. What was going on with his brother? What happened in that oil drum? As for the Frenchies: I didn’t quite feel the chemistry between Jérôme and Clémence, but they were both lovely characters and Lucien had an enjoyable meow meow quotient as well. And more importantly, they had an effective arc: starting at a place of tension or outright hostility along every axis of their weird little throuple and evolving into a makeshift care dynamic by the end. 

There was a special quality of tenderness to this writing which continues to effect me: the tone was neither grimdark disaster fic nor some cloying “saved by the power of love” message. There was a deep practicality to their attempts to band together and save each other as their numbers dwindled, which made their inevitable failures all the more heartbreaking. 

I guess I’m writing all this out because a lot of criticisms I’ve seen of this show argue that the central premise made these characters defunct. That as soon as the nature of the simulation was revealed, their deaths and their suffering failed to have impact or meaning. I’m struggling to grasp this argument. I do agree that the last episodes favored the drama of Maura, Daniel, and Elliott, who I found perfectly serviceable as the A story, but ultimately less compelling than the secondary characters. I don’t really care that much about the big sci-fi premise reveals, and would have preferred for the secondary characters to remain in greater roles of agency, but I understand why that had to shift to serve the story they were telling. The scope of the sci-fi premise is SO big, requiring the narrative to zoom out a LOT in order to give us the reveals that they did by the end of the season. So yea, we were left at a certain distance from some of our characters. 

But all of these characters are still very real — currently onboard the Prometheus spaceship (or in a B simulation, if you subscribe to that theory) — stuck in a world where they can only act out their trauma and never recover from it, where they can only hurt each other and then try, desperately, to save each other, and then FAIL. Where the love they have for each other is always just out of reach — unspoken or unconsummated or unrealized before its too late. I’m not sure how understanding that it’s a simulated loop makes that pain less impactful. But to each their own, I guess. 

It’s at this point in this rambling, long-winded rant where I have to make the inevitable comparison to Severance. Spoilers for Season One of Severance! There are um … a LOT of similarities between this show and Severance. Both stories involve characters who are trapped in a sort of half life, separated from the full versions of themselves and the full stories of their own memories. We haven’t got confirmation of this for 1899, but it’s my suspicion that similar to the folks in Severance, these characters made a consensual choice, a choice to perhaps avoid or passively delete their own pain, which has now imprisoned them in a different sort of hell. Their actual life experiences in 2099 or wherever they really are (analogous to the Severance ‘Outies’) might take a different shape than the memories and traumas we saw play out on the ship (their ‘Innies’), but they’re two sides of the same coin (or perhaps three sides of the same triangle, tell me to shut up now please). Moreover, there are massive similarities between Maura and Helly R., both in their actual roles within the story and in the ways in which those roles are revealed by the narrative. 

Given these similarities, I think, if anything, that 1899 accomplishes some things more effectively than Severance (someone’s probably going to fight me for this). My biggest gripe with Severance was how heavily it favored Mark’s narrative at the expense of everyone else and how much more interesting I found the other characters, particularly Helly, in contrast to him. 1899 essentially has the Helly character in the main role and in my opinion, draws its secondary characters in more satisfying ways than Severance was able to do given its framing choices. I’m not saying there aren’t some things Severance did better— I think Helly is a more fascinating character (so far) than Maura, and I find the subtlety of Severance’s premise more effecting than the grand cosmic gestures of 1899, but I think we need future seasons of both to determine how they pay off their character work.

Jesus fucking christ I’m going to stop talking now, if you read this, wow, I’d love to hear your thoughts, I’m literally bursting at the seams to talk about it so. Feel free to DM or drop me an ask. I will squeal. (unless you're an asshole)

(Also sorry I didn’t talk about Eyk like, at all, in this. I like him, he’s good, he’s interesting, I was deeply biased against him because the reuse of Andreas drove me crazy for some reason, so it was actually surprising to me how much I liked him. His character felt very different from Older Jonas. It worked!) 

#1899 #1899 meta #1899 spoilers #i should say too the tone of this meta is mostly positive! #im into it!!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: Sexual Abuse , Emotional Abuse

Seeking validation? Support would be nice but this situation feels very unique, so no pressure.

Hi, this rollercoaster takes place over the course of a few years, but I will try to condense to the key points as much as possible.

In 2021, I got involved in a co dependent, emotionally abusive relationship. I was wined and dined, love bombed, isolated, lied to, sexually abused and generally it felt like being torn apart from the inside out. I had known B (we’ll call him B) for a few years before I dated him, and at that time he was married to M. M was always kind and outgoing and they seemed like a perfect couple on the outside, so it was a shocker when I found out she one day suddenly disappeared. Just packed and left and moved across the country. B told his sob story to me and then “confessed” quite suddenly that he never really loved her anyway, and that he had always had his eye on me. Thus began a merry-go-round of walking on eggshells for an entire year.

I left him early 2022, and basically went no contact. I was in a state of dissociation and a deep deep depression. Although it was better than being with him, I had no idea who to turn to after. I was grasping at the air, trying to make sense of one of the most intense and disorienting times of my life. I had lost myself. Being with him was like a surreal nightmare. And I couldn’t possibly begin to process what I had experienced in a way that wouldn’t make me sound insane to anyone on the outside.

So I did the unthinkable and reached out his ex wife, M. I told her I might have a good idea now as to why she left him and hoped that wherever she was, she was safe and happy now. I wasn’t expecting a response, but she replied with overwhelming support and love and kindness. We talked, cried, laughed, shared our experiences, and uncovered SO MANY LIES. We still couldn’t completely put it into words what we went through, but the unspoken validation was much needed (for both of us. She had left feeling like she had been the problem the whole time) and appreciated. Her sympathetic and understanding ear saved me, and I am forever grateful for her.

Fast forward to July 4th 2023. Me and M are both in therapy and have been moving forward with our own lives respectively. I have done a lot of work on myself and my self confidence and no longer have nightmares of B. Progress! I woke up on the 4th to a message here on tumblr (I have no other social media accounts as I had a feeling B was stalking me online). Turns out I may have been right, because the message was from B’s most recent ex gf. She said he spoke of me a lot, painting me as a psychotic ex, and that he was now doing the same to her. She’s not from our area, and she had been isolated because he “intensely insisted it be that way” and she had no support. My heart sank and I was shaking all over when I read it. She said that she had never reached out to an exes ex before and that she felt like a psycho for doing so but she didn’t know what else to do. And she also wants to know the truth, because she’s had a feeling for a while that the things he had told her about me and M were “fabricated to fit his own narrative”.

He told her extremely personal things about me, things that most others don’t know. This stranger knew more things than I initially realized and I feel personally violated. I did the work. I’m going through therapy and am diagnosed with PTSD. Im tackling my rough days and I’m implementing coping skills regularly. I was not prepared for this. But I can’t turn my back on someone in need. Because I know what it’s like, and M was there for me when I felt like I was drowning in insanity. I haven’t told M about this because she’s been through enough. There is no reason to drag her back into B’s mess again.

It’s just so bizarre how he is leaving this trail of hurt people behind him, and I’m realizing it’s become a pattern of picking up the broken pieces he leaves behind. Because the experience with him is so isolated and there is no physical evidence to hold against him for the damage he does. It’s all in our heads. But the destruction is very real. I’m not sure how to end this whole…thing but I think it would be comforting to know if anyone has experienced something like this? Because it seems unreal to me.

Thank you for time, and all the good work you do here.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I admire your strength to confront what happened, get answers, and heal. You've been through a lot. I'm also glad to hear that you were able to connect with your abuser's ex wife, and I hope therapy has been going well.

I relate to a lot of what you've shared, especially the last paragraph. In my experience, my abuser acts oblivious to the damage he's done but it's hard to believe because of how calculated he is, and how desperate he is to avoid accountability. He was only in my high school for a single year but he managed to hurt dozens of people there, stranding the victims from each other as well. And since he often moved from school to school, the idea of him being a tornado is accurate, knowing there are other schools in the same exact position. I wonder if any of this resonates with you. Suffice to say, you're not alone.

Please remember that it doesn't have to be physically visible to be valid or severe, sometimes the effect it leaves on our psyche is much worse than it could ever be physically. I think too often we're made to feel like it has to be physical to be "real" enough.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw sa #tw emotional abuse

[dayeongi]

Well-wishes

I saw the texts come in this morning as I worked.

They came from a number I didn’t have saved, but I saw a preview on the notifications. Words like “I’m sorry” and “I didn’t know how to handle...” and my breath caught in my throat.

Almost as soon as I realized who it was, the last text came in. It said “i’m X.”

I managed to swallow the trepidation and finish off an email to let the dread settle comfortably before I opened them. They looked to be long and emotionally destructive.

X had been my best friend since the first day of preparatory school. From the very first day I got to school 3 hours early because I made a mistake with my timetable, and she asked if I was always early, and I said yes, and then that was the last time I was early to school.

She’d been there for 11 years. Through my father’s death of Covid, she had brought a chair and sat outside my house, brought me groceries, and chatted with me through the glass window for the entire 14 days I was quarantined. And that made it worth the times she’d stood me up or let me down, or made me wait for hours because there was always something going on.

She had been there through my first boyfriend and first serious crush (which were two different people). She had been there through the abusive household I lived in, and I was there through her first serious relationship with a mutual friend, from the beginning through its messy end, I chose her every time, because I thought that’s what best friends were like. And I was there as much as she let me be.

Last I’d heard from X was in 2021, she’d told me she was in an unsafe situation with her stepfather at home, and asked if she could move into my spare room, and pay rent. I said come, don’t pay rent, just help with the utilities and groceries.

She said yes, and dropped off some of the things that same day, and she slept over. Next morning before she left for work, she said she’d drop by her current place and pick up the rest of her stuff after work. I said I’d wait for her to come back to order groceries so we could save on delivery fees and gave her my spare set of keys.

She called during work hours, and said she would be coming over tomorrow; she was afraid of her stepfather so she wanted to get her things out when they were out.

I said that was fine since she had keys anyway, and asked if she wanted me to wait to order groceries.

She didn't show up the next day. Or the next.

This was normal from her. She never kept her word.

I messaged just to check on her and ask if she still wanted me to hold off on the groceries.

No response for another two days. I started to get nervous. I ordered the groceries because I'd ran out of stuff, and messaged her again.

I let her know I could just take care of the delivery fees. No response for the rest of the day.

Then, a premade-like message. "I'm sorry, I can't answer right now, but I'll get back to you ASAP."

Like the ones you set up on your phone to be sent automatically.

I started to panic, because I didn't know her stepfather, and in my country, you can make people disappear with under 100 gbp, and she'd recently had experienced a situation almost like that with a taxi driver.

I thought, "what if I'm sitting here, thinking she's fine and just not getting back to me, and instead she's dead in a ditch somewhere."

My best friend of 11 years.

I called several times. Several being maybe 4 times in the span of an hour, which wasn't strange for us.

I calmed myself, and decided I'd been dumb not to check on her social media; I normally don't check people's profiles at all.

What I saw was surreal. I'd been there, sitting in my living room floor thinking my best friend was dead; she had been so urgent, and seemed so frightened.

During that time, she had been going on brunches, and on a roadtrip with her fiancé.

The change of plans itself was irrelevant. It was the lack of consideration. The shamelessness of putting me on hold without giving me a word.

I called her again. No response. I stewed on it for another two days, waiting to hear back.

Nothing.

I sent her a message. "I just think it's unfair that you asked me to do this for you, then left me waiting here to hear back from you for over a week, worried out of my mind."

No response that day. Or the next. I message her again. "Please let me know when I can go pick up the stuff (I'd lent her for a trip)"

No response, until later that day. It has been 2 weeks since she came to my house panicking about needing somewhere to stay immediately.

There was no apology. Instead she said she would drop off my spare set of keys, and she needed some space from me, and maybe one day we could be friends again once I was in a better headspace.

That she had no reason to report what she was up to every minute of her life, and that if it had been such a pain to wait for her, to not bother.

To add insult to injury, that she loved me and would be there for me if I ever needed anything.

I snarked back. I said things like "I don't need to know every single thing you do every single minute, and sorry I give a shit about you"

Then she took everything I'd ever trusted her with, all the times I'd been frustrated with my family and told her, and used it to say I was the problem, that I was the reason I always had interpersonal conflict, and the reason my life was the way it was, and I needed to reflect on myself and the shit path my life was taking.

She sent me her love again. My best friend of 11 years.

I didn't send her love back. I only asked to get my shit.

I will spare anyone who is reading the boring negotiations and promises she never kept to give me back my stuff, until she finally did.

She dropped them off at my place. It was raining. I awkwardly avoided looking anywhere above her hands; I knew I would cry if I did.

I thanked her as I closed the door out of politeness.

On text, after I'd closed the door after myself, she'd sent me her love and well-wishes again.

Like she hadn't riled me up and prepared me to help her. Like I was a wet stray under the rain she looked at pitifully.

Well-wishes. Hah.

I blocked her the very moment I saw them.

I hadn't hear from her in a while until a mutual friend shared the photos of her wedding.

She had taken the dream wedding dress design I'd made for myself, that I had so delicately and secretly shown her, and made it for herself.

I blocked every mention of her from everywhere, and over time I realized, I was starting to feel like a full person again as soon as I stopped constantly giving her everything.

I put my face on the desk.

Which brings me to today, and the 5 deleted messages. From an unknown number.

I pointed out I could see someone had tried to message me.

"sorry, I got the wrong number," she said, and I thought: how fucking unfair to mess up my tuesday and try to play me for a fool. How fucking evil and selfish of X to wish me a good day and try to deceive me into taking her well-wishes again. All for her own comfort or healing or whatever she was trying to do by messaging me on a fucking tuesday.

But, honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to X. Too much has happened. Too much time has passed.

I didn't want to be carrying around a piece of her anymore. So I pretended to buy it.

And X decided to text me back. "Sorry. I actually didn't get the wrong number. But I don't want to tell you who I am because I'm afraid. Regardless, I just want to wish you a good day."

Some part of me relished in the fact that she was scared. So I said "thank you, X."

I wanted her to feel what I felt when I saw her messages pop up on the screen, then disappear.

Maybe I wanted to fuck up her tuesday too because I'm also a coward.

And because I'm a coward, I pretended I guessed, but wasn't sure if it was really X.

"We can play a guessing game. I'm someone who likes to shop around for useless stuff. And I always scolded you for eating your fries before your burger."

And I said "so you're really X." Even though I'd always known, from the 5th, deleted message.

Bracing myself for impact, I read the messages she sent after. About how sorry she was about everything that happened, that she had been a fool and I'd been a great friend, and she hopes everything is going well for me.

How if I ever wanted to, we could go get a burger together again.

For a moment, I thought about saying yes. Because she'd been my best friend for 11 years. Because I was lonely. Because she remembered I like to eat my fries before the burger.

Then, I remembered how she'd known exactly how to hurt me and hadn't hesitated in my lowest moment, then skipped-off into the sunset with my dream wedding dress for a wedding I haven't been able to hold for myself. Apparently now self-reportedly with regrets.

How she had selfishly tried to give me unsolicited well-wishes to ease her own guilt.

Too much has happened. Too much has been said. Too much time has passed. The scar of the space where she used to be is old and gnarled, but a scar.

I replied, "I'm also sorry about how everything happened, and I always did wish you the best."

X seemed to falter. She typed and deleted. Typed and deleted.

She thanked me for giving her my time.

She said she hadn't know how to handle her own situation and emotions and everything had just gone out of control, and she'd done it all before she'd realized it, and then got scared to try to fix it.

X seemed to have realized what I meant by not responding to her burger invitation thing.

She said again she'd kept me in her good memories, and although she knew things couldn't ever be the same again, that she regretted it.

I thanked her, etcetera. Wished her a good life.

Sincere, I mean. 

I'm not sure if I was sincere, this only happened today. I don't know what I'm feeling.

But I want to think my well-wishes were. 

It's the best I can give her now.

I want to think I said it out of gratitude for those 11 years. For the time she stood outside my house when I was afraid I was dying every time I gasped for breath.

Of the time that I told her I was afraid I wanted to off myself, and she drove to my house at 12:35 AM and held me as I cried.

Well-wishes. 

The only thing I'm willing to give her now.

#something happened today and I had to get it out writing #don't mind if anyone reads #dayeongi life #writing

[xerox-candybar]

That one time my Environmental Science teacher caught me crying in our greenhouse, composing sad breakup poetry that was somehow also my calculus homework (“I am just one function, missing a set.”)

So, I was getting some writing done while talking to the corn plants our class had been tasked with growing. Mine had just sprouted, and I was quite surprised. We had to keep tabs on their progress (track measurements, draw diagrams, etc), but despite all the tangibles, the the whole experience seemed surreal—I had never successfully kept anything like that alive before.

—-

So I spoke to my plant: you never send me mixed messages. You always let me know exactly what you want. Your needs are governed by biological principles—they are neither demanding nor objective subjective. I am glad that I can depend on you, and the very nature of your being makes it impossible for you to leave me.

I’m not being entirely serious here; I think I’m trying to cheer myself up. I suspect this was part of my creative writing project and I felt guilty for turning in so many breakup-centric pieces, but I couldn’t not think about my breakup, and despite then literal distance between us (because he had gone off to college, out of state) somehow the situation kept getting consistently weirder, and worse. I do not think this is how emotionally stable people speak to their plants, if that is a thing emotionally stable people indulge in at all.

Anyway. Unlike most rooms on my high school building, there weren’t always classes in the greenhouse so I guess I thought it would be a good place to cry. I told my study hall teacher I needed to work on my Ensci project (or, as I told her, “become a more respectable mother for the sake of my plant spawn”), and apparently those were the magic words. (Did I mention that everything about me was getting weirder and worse?) Anyway. She wrote me a hall pass and I was off. I left the classroom and began sobbing immediately.

My EnSci teacher must have been on hall monitor duty or something, and he noticed me skulking around my locker with with all my makeup smeared. We made eye contact so I know he saw me.

He gave me a little bit of time to calm down (and write some notes to myself, obviously), and then after about 15 minutes, he burst into the greenhouse and literally growled at me (“you had better not be crying”).

Then he ripped my little plant straight from its earthenware pot, and ate it in front of me.

…well, I certainly stopped crying, I’ll tell you that much.

Believe it or not, a lot of my high school faculty behaved like this. We were one of the best performing schools in the state (at least, in terms of academics), so I suspect the faculty got away with a lot. “You want to ceremonially retire all your vocabulary words at the end of the semester by tying them to a balloon and releasing them into the sky, along with your contact information? Alright. It seems to be keeping everyone’s ACT scores up; have at it.”

In any case, I suspect this was payback because I had made this same Ensci teacher cry a few months earlier, over sea snails. As our midterm, we had to write an essay on an endangered / extinct species, with two main constraints: the species could not be cute; and it must be smaller than a breadbox.

I wrote a particularly impassioned paper on the eelgrass limpet.

The eelgrass limpet went extinct relatively recently, but over 60 years passed before scientists recognized them as a separate species. The tragedy begins with our limpets’ beloved eelgrass wasting away, decimated by slime-mold. The eelgrass retreated to brackish waters where the mold could not follow, and so survived the crisis. But alas, the limpets could not tolerate such salinity, and so perished. If only we had been more attuned to the needs of our Gastropod brethren, and better able to differentiate between mollusk species, these brave little sea snails might still be among our numbers.

I also managed to win this same teacher a Charlie Brown Christmas tree (the Chicago Tribune used to give them away annually as a kind of homage / contest) although he seemed less happy about that. He said the tree was full of spiders.

#my writing #wilf #(work i'd like to finish) #good morning evil genius #I think this was probably rattling around in my subconscious when I wrote the first chapter of collateral damage

[snifflyjoonie]

PLS NEED FIC MISS YOUR WRITING

💕

I don’t like to get super duper personal on this blog, but. It’s taking me longer than I thought to get some writing out for you guys because Marie’s moving week basically turned into Marie’s moving month hahaha. I won’t get into the gory details but this is a really emotional move for me and most of my time has been spent packing and moping 💀

I’m also still in online uni and exam week is fast approaching so there is just a lot of shit happening all at once in my life and fics have very much taken the back burner.

That being said, I’m still actively working on the OT7 fic when I can as well as something else I think you guys might like that probably won’t end up being too long so hopefully I’ll at least have that out for you sooner rather than later.

I love writing for you guys and the anticipation for something from me is incredibly humbling. I’m sorry that real life has basically grabbed me by the shoulders and shaken me recently. I’m hoping, once I’m fully moved, writing will start coming out more regularly again. Thanks as always for your patience and understanding. 🙏🏻

#I’m probably leaving tomorrow finally after a month of prepping for this #it’s very surreal and I’m all over the place emotionally #I don’t like to get heavy but it’s a tough time in my life right now #being an adult is ROUGH lol #anyway I had a couple of asks of people asking when the next fic is coming or basically just telling me they’re waiting #and I feel bad that it’s taking me so long #but there’s just a lot going on for me currently #but I’m still writing and I will have something out eventually #sorry again #answered #marie speaks

[qyllenhaal]

❛ Home ❜

Series: The Devil I Know

Senator!Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k~

Summary: Chris makes it back home after time away from Y/n.

warnings: 18+ only!!! Unprotected sex, age gap (reader is in her late 20s), this fic is largely fluff and sleepy sex.

A/N: I have another WIP and hopefully it will be out this coming week.

Enjoy!

After three weeks of in-party fighting, stonewalling, and a lackluster bill passing, Chris needed this. He needed to come home from D.C. and feel Y/n's sweet embrace engulfing him.

His plane landed two hours ago and he was already with her. He was surprised that she was still up, but she was more surprised that he showed up at her door in the late hour.

"What are you doing here? Did you just get in?"

Her voice was scratchy but he found it sexy; along with her pajama shorts and his sweater draping over her body. She's wearing his sweater from college that has his alma mater proudly stitched into it.

She had more questions for him, but he just ignored whatever came out of her mouth as he rolled his suitcase into her apartment. The TV and a small table lamp gave him enough light to see that her coffee table is littered with papers.

"Aren't you tired? Don't you want to go home-"

"Come here girl," he quickly cut her off to grab her arm and pull her into his chest. Y/n stopped firing off her questions and melted into him when she felt just how warm he is. She felt him inhale deeply to take in the scent of her.

Y/n had missed him so damn much. It was tough navigating her days without Chris here. There were no secret texts or notes for her to come to his office. Meetings weren't that fun when there wasn't someone to steal glances at. She missed seeing that look in his eyes that meant he was going to take her on his desk after the meeting was over. Having him stand right here in front of her almost felt surreal.

"I missed you so much. It was hell without you," he whispered into her ear.

Chris wrapped his hands around her waist/ He brought Y/n closer to his body. Both of them know that he didn't just come here to watch TV or "catch-up"; they could do that later.

His hands palmed the exposed part of her ass. He nearly knocked the window out of her when he pressed his lips against hers. Chris moved his lips against her with hunger. The taste of bitter coffee lingered on her lips and he nearly became giddy with excitement because he was finally with her.

Y/n felt his hardened cock press into her front. The desire for him had only doubled since he appeared at her door that it almost made her feral. She was nearly tearing his clothes off. His shirt came over his head and Y/n started fumbling with his belt.

"Be patient Button," he taunted her breathlessly as he stopped her. As much as it would be hot to fuck her against the wall, he was too tired to continue standing up. Besides, nothing would be better than getting a nice ride from her, it would be a treat.

The irony of telling her to be patient while he could be that was not lost on her. He pulled her flimsy shorts down but he kept the sweater on her. He is very possessive over her and seeing her adorn his sweater makes him proud.

Chris sat on her couch and she straddled him. His large hands rested on her sides as she kissed him again.

"I want to feel you inside of me," she whimpered between their rough kisses. "I want to feel you splitting me open."

Chris groaned at her filthy words, wanting the very same thing if not even more than her. The time he finally let her take his cock out of his pants. A dull ache sat in her belly seeing just how hard and thick he is for her. She touched his cock as if it was fire. Pre-cum leaked out from the tip when she gave him a few pumps.

"Let me feel how wet you are," the tone of his voice made his words sound like a demand.

His hand snaked under the oversized sweater on her so he could feel how slick she was. Something about feeling the wetness on his hand that made him turn primal. What he really wanted to do was flip her onto her back and fuck her into the couch. He may be too tired now, but he has plenty of time now that he's back home.

Y/n didn't stop kissing him even though she was finally sinking down on his cock. Her gasp turned into moans muffled by his mouth. There was a slight discomfort as she filled herself to the brim with him but that didn't stop her from bouncing up and down on his cock. He helped her out by thrusting up into her. His hips moved sloppily but Y/n kept a steady rhythm.

A hand slipped under her shirt and Chris cupped her breast. His thumb ran along the ridges of her hardening nipple. Her cries of pleasure vibrated against his mouth and she began to swirl her hips against him.

"Fuck," Chris pulled away from her lips and buried his face into her neck. How much he missed her and how it feels so good to be inside of her overwhelmed him. He kissed her warm skin in all the places he knows she loves so much.

"I wanna cum so bad," she whined.

Chris looked up at her, deep into her eyes, and held her face. She slowed down her movements and focused on taking him deep inside of her.

"Missed feeling you so tight around me. Can I cum inside of you? Are you going to let me cum inside of you?"

Y/n nodded frantically before resting her forehead against his. The closeness and bond she felt with him almost brought a tear to her eye. His desires are felt and equally shared too. Just as much as he loved her warmth, she loved the feeling of his thick cock spearing her open. Every time he slid home inside of her and his tip poked her cervix, she felt delirious. He continued to spear her open with every blissful inch of his thick cock.

"Please cum inside...I missed you so much," she quietly sobbed.

She was spent, physically and emotionally. Her sleep schedule had gotten completely out of whack and her performance at work suffered because of it; deadlines were missed and papers were filled out haphazardly. It was somewhat embarrassing to admit, but seeing, or at least talking to Chris is a part of her daily routine. The absence of him disturbed her routine which resulted in staying up until the sun began to rise and buying too much coffee for her own good.

Y/n would never admit it though. She'd never admit it to Chris's face because she does not like having dependence on him. He was like a boyfriend, he even referred to himself as such, but she did not have the privilege of even holding his hand in public. It is absolutely unfair she can't scream out to the world that she is in love with him.

"I'm close," he whispered hastily into her ear. She closed her eyes and waited to feel his essence blessing her insides.

Chris's grip on her could not get any tighter as his levels of desire began to boil over. He feels lucky to be sliding into her slick heat once again. He's utterly possessive of her. The reason for why she is wet and crying into the crack of his neck is solely because of him.

She smells so good, just like the shampoo she uses. He almost becomes lightheaded with lust that turns his thrust sloppy. The grip he had on her became even tighter and he pounded away, his length rubbing against every sensitive spot inside of her to create the sweetest friction.

"I'm gonna give it all to you," he grunted, his accent as thick as can be. The increasing gruffness of his voice scratched a certain itch inside of her. And the stubble of his bear literally scratched the skin of her cheek.

He slowed down, nearly coming to a halt, as he began to release inside of her. Feeling him spilling inside of her made her sex contract around him. Her walls milked him as she began to cum just from feeling the warm sensation. His grip on him loosened and she fully sank down on him. The blunt tip of his cock hit her cervix, sending shivers down her spine. How she feels can only be compared to an intense, euphoric sensation.

Her orgasm hit her just seconds after his. Feeling his warmth inside of her really sent her over the sharp edge and diving head first into total pleasure. He didn't have to move anymore to know that he's still giving all that's left of his energy to feel good.

"I missed you...all of you," he whispered against her damp neck. He grabbed at her sides as if he was ready to go again.

"I'm so tired," she managed to say. Her nights have been so restless. Right now is the first time she has felt like her energy has been spent completely.

"I know, Button. Lay your head against my chest."

She listened even though her alarm for work is going to go off any minute now. Instead of worrying, she let herself be lulled by the sound of his heartbeat and succumbed to sleep.

#chris evans x reader #senator!chris #senator!chris evans x reader #chris evans smut #chris evans x y/n #smut #tdik series #fic #chris evans

[therealvinelle]

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible. 

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested. 

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning. 

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all. 

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No. 

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden. 

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen #carlisle/esme #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #hope you all think the header theme was as funny as i did #a series of unfortunate events aka- #Anonymous #ask

[pennyserenade]

tags: nameless female oc x javier peña, nameless female oc x javier pena, angst. rating: t ( teen ) warnings: pregnancy, mentions of birth.  word count: 2.5k+ summary: something beautiful happens in colombia   notes: i recommend listening to this while you read because this is the vibe of the chapter, i think. you’re more than welcome to listen to the english version too, but i just think the spanish one hits a little different. oh and maybe this  original gif by: @pedrc-pascal 

como flores que florecen 

scene eleven, scenes from a marriage

As the feeling of joy expands in chest and meets his eyes, Javi comes to the conclusion that it has been a very long time since he has felt happy in a momental way. It wasn’t something he was very good at measuring in the first place, after all, his happiness. Somewhere along the way though, Javier had begun to mistake being alive and feeling alive as the same thing--two sides of the same coin he tossed every day--but now as he looks at this kid of his, he gets it. He understands. It’s different, feels different.

He peels back the blanket she’s wrapped the baby in to see him better, and he squirms in her arms, displeased. He begins to whimper and she rocks him gently, smiling up at Javier. He smiles back at her, and he sees it in her eyes, how happy she is too. It’s been a long time for them both, he knows, and he wants to apologize because he knows all of it has to do with him. He has been unmistakably stupid, on top of cruel and selfish, and she’s had to endure it all-- unflinching--for the most part. She’ll never know how sorry he is for that. 

Javi holds his arms together and she hands the baby to him carefully. He lets out a soft chuckle when the baby squirms against him, in disbelief that this could be his, and he watches as his little mouth opens to let out a silent cry. Javi shushes him and mimics the same rocking motion his wife had done just moments before, and miraculously, it works. The baby stops looking so thoroughly displeased and rests against him, undisturbed once more. 

After many months of startling himself to death over the notion of being someone’s father, Javi had started to try his best to block it out completely. He had thought that if didn’t think about it, if he pushed it aside, then he could prolong it a little longer somehow. Sometimes he did a good job at it, forgetting, but he could never block it out for long, and not at all after she had confronted him about it. It was all he had thought about for the past few months. 

He was right about one thing: Nothing could have prepared him for this moment. But it wasn’t like he had thought; Javi doesn’t want to let him go. He’s so little and he has his nose, and he feels so, so light. It still feels surreal, sure, as if this is a dream, but the very fact that it feels like a dream and not the nightmare is beyond what Javi had imagined completely.  

He wishes he could’ve been there when she had him, but he’d been in Medellín and she hadn’t told him until after, when the baby was already about four hours old. She knew Javi couldn’t have made it, and she didn’t want to make him feel as though he should try, so she did it alone, as she did most things. She doesn’t hold it against him either--doesn’t even act like it hurts her. She just smiles and smiles and tells him how perfect the baby is. Doesn’t even tell him how much it had hurt, or what it felt like, or anything other than he’s everything she’s ever wanted. When Javi’s eyes meet hers, he knows that she’s being completely sincere too. He’s never loved her so much, and he’s never felt so completely unworthy of her. 

She stands close to him as he holds the baby, watchful that he props his neck up and that nothing is wrong with him, and Javi can’t help but smile at her overprotectiveness already. 

“I’m not going to drop him,” he assures, laughing lightly. “He’s okay, baby.”

“He’s so little,” she says. Her eyebrows furrow with concern, but she takes a step back from him nevertheless. “I’m sorry, it’s just been him and me for the past couple of days and I’m already so scared.”

Javi nods, and tries his best not to feel bad about that. “I know.” 

She grimaces. “Oh, Jav, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He puts on a warm smile. “Let’s forget about that, okay?” he whispers. “I know you didn’t mean it like that and I’m not going to be sad about it. I just don’t want...” he searches for words. “I just don’t want right now to go away so fast.”

She understands. “Me tampoco.” 

She returns his smile back, and they stare at each other for a moment, taking this in. 

Between them blooms once more what had brought them together in the first place: a sense of hope, and a place of respite. It’s been so long--too long--since either of them had that much, and they acknowledge this silently. 

Years have aged them; he’s got wrinkles forming around his eyes and sometimes he looks as though the youthful person in him has left completely. She’s lost some of that twinkle in her eyes, too, and subtle as they are, there’s wrinkles that form between her brows. They’ve become different people in this country. They wear time on them psychically and they show it emotionally. In this country they had started young and alone, and they will leave it together, with a new person. Even if it is all for shit, and everything he did here counts for nothing, Javier will always have this: the family he had created in this country. The person he had found here. 

They continue to smile at each other.

“We’re going to be okay,” she tells him, just to say it because she feels she must. 

Javi nods his head in agreement, before looking away and back at the baby in his arms. “Yeah, we will be,” he says, hushed. He takes him in again, and smiles softly as he yawns. 

Javi’s father had once told him that he’d never understand how much he cared about him until he had a kid of his own. He had told that to him many moons ago, before Javi had even left to train for the DEA, when it was just all pipe dreams and big words. As much as Javi doesn’t like to admit his father is right even now, holding this little boy--Julián, his name is, after an uncle his wife loved--Javi cannot deny it. Javi would do anything to keep him safe. Anything. He’d move mountains for this little boy, and he already can’t wait to see the person he will become, even though he’s just meet him as he is, four days old. All he can see is the future, which is so much more than what he can say about the past few months, when every moment felt borrowed and all he could do was stay in the present because thinking about the future made him so damn depressed. 

It’s still going to be hard, especially when he’s going to have to leave them, but at least this is something to keep him going. He’s got himself into quite the mess at work, way over his head than he ever intended to be and without the tools to correct such faulty mistakes, but here, it’s okay, just like she had assured. It’s all okay. He’ll make sure of it, make sure that nothing will ever harm this child and his wife, because they are all that matter. 

It’s taken a little over thirteen years and a plethora of errors, but as Javi stands in the living room looking at this child, he’s finally come to understand it. He just wishes he had understood it sooner, but he knows now, and all he can do is be better. 

Despite not really wanting to, Javi lays the baby down in the bassinet to his right, mindful of his neck as she had warned. Javi lingers, ensuring Julián won’t fuss or wake in his new position, and his wife goes to insist that she’ll hold him if he doesn’t want to. Javi cuts her off though, meeting her halfway. 

He cups her face in her hands and presses his lips onto hers, kissing her so softly, so gently, that every inch of her melts into him without an ounce of resistance. She gives him everything and he gives it back, just like before. It’s balanced. It’s honest. 

He rests his forehead on hers, not taking his hands away from her face just yet. She puts her own on top of his, securing them. They breathe each other in, with no rush to move on from the moment they’re sharing. They remain quiet, just being, just taking it slow. Slow, slow, slow, so unlike the fast pace of their lives usually. Colombia seems to still itself outside, as if it knows what’s happening and wants them to have this moment too. Everything is so goddamn perfect. 

“Thank you,” he tells her. “For everything. For him and marrying me and staying by me even when I don’t deserve it. I would be very little without you.” 

“That’s not true,” she whispers. “I know we’ve struggled magnificently the past year, but I have never stopped thinking of you as a good man, Jav. When I first had him, and I looked down at him, all I could think was: ‘I’m so happy this little thing is half of Javier.’ All I have ever wanted for you is to get how good I think you are, and now we have this perfect little boy who already looks so much like you, and for all the love you give him, I hope you can give yourself some of it too. I know he will inherit so much of your good—or at least I can only hope.”

He kisses her again. “Te amo,” he tells her against her lips. “I’m sorry I’ve made this past year so hard for us. For you.”

She pats his hand. “It’s going to get better,” she says, voice certain. “We’ve made it through so much already, and we’re almost there, mi amor. Just a little longer, I can feel it.” 

He hopes she’s right. He doesn’t know what life will look like after Colombia—can’t even really comprehend that—but this has made him more comfortable with the idea of something more. 

“What do you want to do, after?” he asks. “When this is all over, I’ll take you wherever.” 

She loosens herself from his embrace, taking his hands off her face, and instead wrapping herself around his torso. She rests her chin against his chest. “I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Home for a little, I suppose. Yours and then mine in California, and after, maybe México? You said your dad lives close, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, on the border. All that separates him from it is some water.”

“Yeah, then Mexico. I never got to go because my mom couldn’t and I want to meet more of my family, and yours too, if they’re down there.” 

He smiles. “I’d like that. I haven’t been since I was a kid.”

“Maybe we’ll come back here someday too, if you think you can stomach it.” 

“This place is home,” he tells her, “But I think moving away from it and resituating for a long time will do me good. Maybe we can come back when we’re old, and retire in the jungles.” 

“The jungles?” she raises an eyebrow, grinning. “I’ve always been more of a hill person myself. Do you think that Pablo's prison will still be vacant by then? From what I saw it looked nice.” 

He chuckles. “I think so. I know he’ll never be there again, at least, that’s for sure. We’ll have to remodel, though. Lots of bullet holes and narco memorabilia right now—or at least, that’s how I remember it.”

She curls her nose. “Maybe we can build something of our own by then.” 

He nods his head. “Maybe.” 

Behind him on the wall, the phone begins to ring. He looks over his shoulder and then back at her. 

“Expecting someone to call?” he asks her. She shakes her head no. “Should I answer it?” 

“Yeah,” she says. “It could be your dad or something.” 

Javi lets out a sigh. He lets go of her and picks the phone off the hook, turning around to face her as he answers with an “Hello?”

A smile tugs at the ends of his lips as he listens. He mouths to her, “It’s your mother” before he begins to speak to her in Spanish. He tells her how beautiful the baby is, and that yes, they’ll send pictures and yes, they got her package with all the baby clothes. He tells her something about her daughter still being beautiful and she can’t help but grin to herself as she peeks into the bassinet Julián rests in now. He finishes up by asking if she wants to speak to her, and then he stands by the phone, extending it in her direction. 

She climbs up the stairs and takes it from him, and they switch positions, with him by the bassinet and her turned to watch him. He’s saying something to him, the baby, but she can’t make it out as her mom speaks. 

She turns back around towards the wall and finishes up the conversation, promising all Javi had before telling her mother that she loves her. When she finishes, she sits the phone back on the hook again and she turns to watch Javi once more. 

Without saying anything, she disappears into the other room. 

Javi is too enchanted to really notice her short absence and is only drawn back down to earth when he hears the stutter of a camera lens in front of him. He smiles at her. 

“Your mom is inspiring for you, isn't she?” he jokes. 

She takes the camera away from her face. “Pick him up again,” she instructs. She ignores his comment verbally, but there’s a hint of a grin reserved for his comment pressed onto her lips, and that’s good enough for him. 

He takes him out of the bassinet again but this time, Javi finds he’s a whole let less forgiving. Julián lets him hear for the first time one of those healthy cries he had heard in the background when she had called him from the hospital. The shutter clicks and he looks up, eyebrows furrowed. 

“That’s going to be an awful photo,” he tells her. “He’s crying.”

She shakes her head. “No,” she tells him, “That’s a photo with two of my favorite people in the entire world.” She takes the baby from Javi’s arms and hands him the camera.“Nothing about that photo could ever be awful to me.” 

Nothing about this moment will ever be ugly to me, she thinks. Nothing. Even the imperfect moment when he began to cry and Javi had looked down at him, concerned, would be perfect when reflected on, she was sure. She would always remember this day fondly. 

Maybe this isn’t the marriage she had envisioned for herself thirteen years ago when they had first gotten married, but it’s the one she wants now. Time has aged them and changed so much about the trajectory of their lives, but preserved is the love she feels for Javi, and now for their child.  

This is scene eleven from a marriage, one that has a little more hope than it did before.

JAVI :  @wyn-n-tonic , @rosiefridayrogersunday , @disgruntledspacedad , @melaniermblt , @theorganasolo , @amneris21 , @hb8301 , @penajavier , @darnitdraco , @over300books , @dobbyjen , @paperbag33 , @rebel-fanfare​

EVERYTHING : @astroboots​ , @frannyzooey​ , @wyn-n-tonic​ , @rosiefridayrogersunday​ , @melaniermblt​ , @theorganasolo​​ , @amneris21​ , @honestly-shite​ , @over300books​ , @elegantduckturtle​, @pbeatriz​ 

SCENES : @gravegoth​​ , @sarahjkl82-blog​​ , @cmonkeepmoving​​

#javier pena x reader #javier pena x oc #javier pena x nameless oc #javier pena x female oc #javier peña x reader #javier peña x oc #javier peña x female oc #javier peña x nameless oc #narcos fic #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #narcos

[justmypartner]

Make it Work: Chapter 10

Summary: When offered a permanent position with the FBI, Hailey agrees to take it under one condition: Jay comes too. As their personal lives and work lives begin to change, the two partners find it increasingly difficult to navigate their complex relationship and manage their feelings for one another.

Writer’s Note: The Finale!!! I’m so sad to wrap up this story. This story was the idea that inspired me to start this account and dive into the fandom world as a fic writer, so it’s very special to me. It has been so fun to develop, and I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s reactions and input after each chapter. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading this story and joining me for this journey😭❤️ ...& be on the look out for info about my next multi-chapter which will be out soon!

Tagging: @angelsjedi , @brookerz122493 , @cpdfan2014 , @the–carousel , @maya-asturias , @itsdesiree86 , @tvshowsaremyhappyplace , @stephanie708​

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“So, the FBI and New York, huh?” Trudy questioned, settling into the barstool across from the younger detective and flashing her a curious look. The goodbye party at Molly’s was just finally dying down, and Trudy took advantage of the quiet moment to question her for the first time since finding out she was leaving.

“Yep,” Hailey responded, a sheepish look on her face with the response.

“When did you and Halstead finally… you know, get together or whatever?” Trudy asked, sending a heat directly to Hailey’s cheeks.

“What? No, I mean, no… It’s not like that,” Hailey stammered out, embarrassed by the question.

“Uh huh. Right, because anyone would just give the FBI an ultimatum when offered an elite position, all just to keep their ‘partner’,” the sergeant said sarcastically.

“It’s not like- I mean he’s a great partner. The best one I’ve had in all my time with the CPD. I’m better with him as my partner,” she shrugged before continuing. “When they offered me the job, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse, except there was a part of me that wanted to refuse it. The part of me that was missing him. Without even thinking I just told them I wasn’t going anywhere without him. It was like my mouth was moving before my brain could catch up,” Hailey confessed, immediately grimacing at the soppy words.

“Look, kid. I’ve worked with so many people over the years. I’ve had horrible partners, I’ve had some that left an imprint on me that I’ll never be able to shake, but I’ve only ever had one that I would give up this job for, only one that I would’ve even considered bargaining with the same way you did,” Trudy confessed, a perceptive look on her face. “That partner is my husband.”

Hailey shook her head, a half-frown, half-smile expressed across her face. Just as she was about to respond, Jay came walking up. She watched as he bantered back and forth with the sergeant, smiling, but zoning out as Trudy’s words sunk in with her. She hadn’t fully confronted what she felt for him. She knew she had feelings for him, she just kept them buried, knowing those kind of feelings could ruin the great thing they’d built over the years. But at the same time, she realized doing so could mean missing out on something even better. She snapped back into focus when he asked if she needed a ride. She refused, and he joked a little more with Trudy before saying his goodbye and walking on.

“He’s a good guy. I’ll kinda miss him,” Trudy admitted, turning around briefly after he walked away. Her head snapped back to Hailey quickly. “You tell anyone I said that and I’ll deny it,” she threatened, causing Hailey to let out a throaty laugh.

“Really though, from the outside looking in, what you two have seems to be more than just a partnership,” Trudy told her. Hailey blinked her eyes closed slowly, reluctantly giving in to the sergeant’s attempts to pry the feelings out of her.

“I’ve definitely let my mind wander. You know, he looks at me a certain way and I think what if we were more than partners? What if we took that leap? But I’ve never been good at relationships… I don’t want to ruin the thing we’ve built by trying to turn it into something more,” Hailey divulged, feeling a strange sense of release finally talking about those difficult feelings she had tried to hide for so long.

“I dated this guy once. He was a geologist,” Trudy said, causing Hailey’s eyes to widen and her brows to curve into a question. “Yeah, it didn’t last long. Anyway, he used to use the word watershed a lot. He really loved the double meaning of it. Obviously in geology it represented actual water or whatever, but he also used it to describe things that really impacted his life. Turning points. I never really understood it in that way until I met Randall. Before him, I had already given up on the idea of relationships, then he showed up out of nowhere and suddenly my entire outlook changed. He was my turning point… my watershed guy, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you think Halstead could be your watershed guy, don’t wait too long to make your move Goldilocks. You’re only tempting fate the longer you push the idea away,” she finished, taking a sip of her drink as she observed Hailey’s reaction to her story.

“I’m going to miss you, Trudy,” Hailey said softly, raising her bottle to clink with her glass as the words resonated with her.

- - - -

The obnoxious beeping of Jay’s alarm woke him, and he groaned as he mustered up the energy to roll over and turn it off. It had been two weeks since the incident, since he confessed his feelings, Walker was suspended, and Hailey told him she needed time. Hailey took those two weeks off, telling Drake she needed to take time to heal, both physically and emotionally. It was time he happily granted after everything that happened.

Within days of Walker’s suspension, an official investigation had opened up concerning his misconduct. With that came several other female agents with stories to tell about the man. Stories very similar to Hailey’s. Nothing official had taken place yet, but things weren’t looking good for him, and the prosecutors all but promised that Hailey and those other women would finally get justice for what he did.

Fortunately, Drake and the rest of the Manhattan office backed each of the victims completely, sending out memos voicing their total and consistent support for anyone that ever needed to come forward with allegations of misconduct. Especially internal misconduct against other agents.

In this office, we protect the badge when necessary, but we also demonstrate accountability when that same badge is being abused. Victims should never be silenced, and victims should never be blamed, especially when they are members of this sacred institution.

This was the line that stuck out to Jay in all of the memos, and he was proud to represent a group of people that were willing to address the issue in such a way. It meant a lot to him that they had Hailey’s back in a way the CPD didn’t, and he hoped it brought her some sense of peace their former department never could.

In those two weeks she took off, Jay and Daisy were partnered up again considering both of their partners were off the job. The dynamics around the office were weird. They hadn’t filled the void left by Walker, and without Hailey there, Jay didn’t feel like himself. The gossip was lighter than he was expecting, something he was grateful for, but he and Daisy both caught lingering stares anytime they were in the office. It was already distracting to not be working with Hailey, and the stares certainly weren’t helping. He was just counting down the days until her return, but in a way it seemed as though the rest of the office was as well. Everyone wanted to gain back some sense of normalcy after everything that went down.

He didn’t see her in all of that time she was off, but they kept in contact through the occasional text. In those texts, they avoided talking about them. It was mostly just him catching her up on work or her catching him up on the Walker case, all very brief and to the point conversations. She told him she needed time, and that was exactly what he was giving her.

At that moment he laid there in bed, it was the weekend, and he was relieved to have it off. They had caught some rough cases throughout the week, and he needed one day that wasn’t filled with horrible people who did horrible things. He also needed something to keep his mind from missing Hailey. Pretty much every time he closed his eyes during those two weeks, he pictured her lips against his, her body tucked into his side, and her light breath against his chest. The memories of that day lingered like phantom touches, and he couldn’t get her off of his mind. He needed a distraction from it all, but he didn’t have any plans for the day. He could have easily stayed in bed longer, but he knew if he did that he would just end up spending the rest of the day there wallowing, wondering when Hailey would be ready to come back to him. So, he forced himself out of the bed and began his day.

Once he was up, showered, and fully caffeinated, he lingered by the window, catching the idea to tour the city as he watched the people walk about the street below. In all of the time they had been in the city, he still hadn’t taken an opportunity to get to know it. It was a clear, warm weather day, so he thought it would be a perfect time to meander the still unfamiliar city. He hoped the unfamiliarity would force his mind to think about something other than Hailey.

His tour started by taking the subway to Times Square. He always thought it was an overrated attraction, but standing in the middle of it all, looking up around him he realized why people find it so alluring. There was a surreal feeling he had standing there, a feeling he really couldn’t explain. Afterwards, he made his way to Rockefeller Center, Central Park, and around lunchtime he ate at some hole in the wall restaurant outside of Madison Square. The deeper into the city he got, the more charmed he was by it. Looking around while not also chasing a criminal or looking out for a threat changed his perspective in the best way possible. Nothing would ever replace the spot Chicago had in his heart, but he really was falling in love with New York. After lunch, he wandered around, people watching and taking in how unique every street seemed to be. With his career, he never really got the chance to travel, so being a pseudo-tourist for the day sort of mimicked that. It was an interesting experience for him.

It was nearing sunset, and he was scouting out the best spot to catch it. He was never a sit around and watch the sunset kind of guy, but he figured new city could mean new traditions. Just as he was scouring the internet for the best spot, a text came in from Hailey.

Can you meet me?

Along with the text came a pin of her current location. He was in Lower Manhattan, and the location was only a few blocks away on the Lower East Side by the river. His face lit up when he read it, and he felt like he couldn’t move his legs fast enough as he started in her direction. He made his way through crowded sidewalks, the usual noise of traffic and other city sounds around him falling silent to the pounding of his heart in his chest. Two weeks without her, he wasn’t even concerned with what she had to say, he was just ecstatic to finally see her. He made it to the edge of a park by the river, one that looked impalpably familiar. Then he saw the bridge and the orange tint in the sky, and it hit him. It was the spot from the picture she showed him on the plane to the city. He crossed the street and entered the park. His eyes scanned the area, circling the field briefly before spotting a familiar blonde sitting on a blanket under a tree.

Her back was to him, and he took in every detail he could from afar before she could notice. It took him a moment to realize it was her because she was wearing a dress. In the four years he had known her, he had only ever seen her wear a dress a few times and only on special occasions, but this one blew them all out of the water. It was a pale yellow sundress with a delicate flower pattern. Her legs were kicked out to the side under her, and the dress revealed the beautiful tan tone of her skin, the Greek in her that gave her that subtle olive glow. He noticed the way her golden waves fell effortlessly down her back and over her shoulders, and it amused him to see she had paired the dress with simple white sneakers. Such a Hailey Upton thing to do, balance out something as frilly as a yellow sundress with something so casual like a pair of sneakers. The color of the dress suited her so well, and she was quite literally glowing in the orange rays of the setting sun.

As he approached, he noticed a box of pizza and a bottle of wine settled beside her. Oh God is this a date? He thought to himself, becoming aware of the boring t-shirt and jeans he was wearing and the fact that he just spent the day working up a sweat as he walked around the city. He wished he could pop home, or even in a nearby store to at least change his shirt, but he was already there and there was no turning back.

“Hi,” he finally said when he got close, his voice just loud enough for her to hear. She quickly stood and spun around, beaming at him as she did so. She smiled for a long moment, silently taking in his presence with a radiance of joy spread across her face.

“God, I’ve missed you,” she finally said, breathing out the words with a solaced breath.

“Me too,” he said simply, taking in how stunning she was. The bruises that once lined her neck and chest were all healed up, and the spot on her lip that was once split was mended. It was like nothing ever happened. She looked perfect.

“Sorry I look like this. I just spent the day touring the city, but you…you look…” he began, but a dozen words fought to come out. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Perfect. Incredible. Of all of those words, his brain settled on a breathy “wow.” She laughed lightly, shyly looking to the ground as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“You look great… and thank you,” she said, sending him a toothy smile as he nervously chuckled back.

“So, uh what is all of this?” He asked, forcing himself to make real conversation before he embarrassed himself with further nervous babble. He noticed her finger tips lightly tapping in a mindless rhythm against her thigh, and he had to swallow away the grin that formed. He knew she was just as nervous as he was.

“Right, uh sit. I just wanted to do a dinner. A thank you for being there for me. I know you said I don’t have to thank you, but I do. Really, I do,” she said timidly as she dropped back down onto the blanket. He followed suit, settling on the ground with his knees pulled into his chest.

“I thought you hated New York pizza,” he chuckled, his eyes settling on the box before them.

“Oh I absolutely do, this is the one decent slice I have been able to find in this pizza hell of a city. It’s no Bartoli’s, but it’s edible,” she joked. He snickered at how worked up she got over pizza, and he grabbed the plate she was holding out to him.

“So, how’ve you been?” He asked, recognizing they had fully bypassed that initial level of small talk.

“Better… way better,” she admitted, and he knew by the look in her eyes she was telling the truth. It made him happy to hear, and even happier to see.

“I’m glad,” he told her with a grin. A warmth flushed through his body as she smiled proudly back at him.

“Yeah, I’ve actually been seeing a therapist. Dealing with what happened, and even dealing with stuff from Chicago that I never really dealt with,” she admitted. Years ago she changed his outlook on therapy, and he grew to learn just how beneficial it could be. He was surprised to learn therapy was a new thing for her, but it made him happy that she seemed so excited about it.

“That’s so good, really. If anyone knows how helpful that is, it’s me,” he said as he locked his eyes with hers.

“Yeah, I spent the last two weeks thinking about the thing with Walker, going over it with my therapist. I spent my sessions talking with her about everything, and I’d just go home and wonder what I could have done differently, why I missed the signs that his friendliness was more than just…”

“Hailey, none of what happened was your fault. You were nice to him, and he took advantage of that. End of story,” Jay interrupted, waving a hand in front of him to emphasize his words.

“No, no, I know that. I just kept thinking about what he said about me leading him on. While I know I definitely wasn’t doing that, I did start to question why I so easily looked past his comments and his flirting. I mean, I would have shut that down immediately in any other situation with any other guy. Like, I knew it was happening, yet I let the comments go and still agreed to keep seeing him after work. I kept thinking about that, kept talking it over with my shrink, and I eventually realized what it was,” she said, her focus fixed on the sky behind Jay’s head as she spoke, and he noticed her fingers restlessly playing with the hem of her dress.

Jay wrapped his arms tightly around his knees, locking his fingers around his wrists, anxiously waiting for her to finish her thought.

“Every time I went out with him, it was an excuse to get away from you… a distraction because I couldn’t stop thinking about how I felt about you,” she confessed.

Jay let out a shaky breath. He had figured she had feelings for him, imagined what she was thinking when only her eyes were communicating what words weren’t, but the verbal confession still took him by surprise. He looked at her, stupefied and relieved by the admission, and there was a long pause. She took a breath and finally continued as her eyes seem to roam the sky for her words.

“Before I left Chicago, Trudy said something to me that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. But, we were going through this big change, new city, new job, it all just didn’t seem like the right time, and I wasn’t even sure if you felt the same way. But then we’d have these little stolen moments, these blips of time where it felt like we were going to make that jump, and something would get in the way,” she said. Jay almost let out a chuckle at how familiar her words sounded. It was like she had snuck into his brain and was reading off a script of his own thoughts.

“When I was out with Walker, I was passing the time with him to forget about you. Yet, every single time, you were all I could think about… Trudy said the longer I pushed the thought of us away, the more I was tempting fate. Well, I’m done tempting fate. I’m done letting people and time and situations stand in the way of us because Jay, you’re my watershed guy,” she rambled, her words rolling together the quicker she spoke. She took a series of deep breaths after the long monologue, clearly fighting back tears as Jay tried to process everything she was saying and everything it carried.

“Watershed guy? I don’t think I’m follow-“ he questioned before she cut him off. She snickered lightly before continuing, shaking her head amusedly as she tried to find the words to continue.

“Right, you don’t get that… uh there’s a story behind that, but what I’m trying to say is my life hasn’t been the same since I’ve met you. You’re always there. When I expect it and even when I don’t. In more ways than one, you have made me a better person, a better detective, and now a better agent. We came into each other’s lives and for me it was like everything changed. I’ve never had a partner like you. I’ve never had a friend like you, and at some point I realized I can’t even picture what my life would look like without you. I don’t want to. You… you are my turning point,” she said, inhaling sharply.

“Jay, I’m in love with you. I love you so much more than I thought I could ever love anyone, and I’ve been pushing it down for so long but I can’t anymore. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you said those words to me. I know I made you wait for me, and I would understand if-“ with that, Jay leaned forward, kissing her with the desperation and fervor that had been building up in him over the past two weeks. The past four years if he was being honest. She relaxed into the kiss, bringing her hand to the back of his head, brushing her fingers through his short hair as she pulled him closer into her. They sat there in the middle of the park together, lost in each other, and completely oblivious to the world around them as they unleashed almost four years of pent of feelings. When they finally pulled away for air, they giggled against one another’s mouths, coming down from the reality of the euphoric moment. Hailey leaned forward into him, placing a brief kiss against his lips before pulling away again, staring into his eyes and rubbing a thumb over his mouth lightly.

“So, does that mean we’re on the same page?” she asked with a smirk.

“That means, I’m in love with you too,” he said back, tangling his hand into her hair and bringing her back to him for another kiss. She smiled widely, before settling back onto folded legs.

They ate dinner together under the setting sun, watching as the sky changed from day to night. They talked and laughed for hours until they realized they were the only two left in the dimly lit park. Upon the realization, they gathered everything from the ground and made their way out of the park, their hands intertwined together and their faces sharing the same twinkled smile.

“So, what now?” He asked as she swung their joined hands together between them. They walked slowly, savoring every second as they maneuvered half-empty sidewalks.

“Now, we go back to my place… if you’re willing to share a bed with me again,” she said in a confident whisper, pulling on his arm slightly so that she could raise up and say it into his ear.

The corners of his mouth curled up in return, and he bobbed his head dramatically in endorsement.

“You had me at go back to my place,” he said firmly, smiling as she giggled next to him. He leaned down, pressing a kiss against her temple, and they continued to make their way back to her place, at a slightly quicker pace than before.

- - - -

“I know I said this before, but you make a great pillow… among other things,” she innuendoed, raising her brows and kissing the grin from his mouth. They were wrapped up in her bed, unable to keep their hands off one another from the moment they made it back to her apartment. It was late into the night, and they remained tangled together, their hands mindlessly traveling each other’s bodies as they basked in the afterglow.

“You make a pretty damn good weighted blanket… among other things,” he teased back, causing them both to giggle. Once the light laughter had subsided, he broke the silence with a question, a heavier question than he intended.

“So what does this mean for our partnership?” he asked her, his fingers still dragging lightly across her bare shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean what if the FBI doesn’t let us stay partnered together,” he whispered, slight concern in his voice. There was a silence as she thought it over, and her fingers that traced circles against his chest suddenly stopped. She sat up, resting against his chest the same way she did weeks ago as her eyes peered intently into his.

“I think we’re great together. As partners, and as I’m sure time will tell, as more. This doesn’t need to blend with the work stuff. I know us, and I know we can keep things separate. If they have a problem with that, they can take it up with me. I’ve given the FBI an ultimatum for you before, I will gladly do it again,” she replied, a sneaky grin expressed across her face. He shook his head with a smile in response, bringing a hand down to push a strand of hair out of her face.

“I love you,” he said in a soft whisper. She brought her face close to his, merely inches away.

“And I love you,” she whispered back before connecting their lips.

“Whatever happens, we’ll be fine,” she reassured him upon pulling away.

From detectives to agents, partners to friends, friends to lovers, they’d endured a lot of change in the past few years. They were bound to face even more change ahead, but one thing Jay knew for sure, it was only the beginning of an entire lifetime of change they’d endure together.

“Yeah, we’ll make it work,” he nodded, and she smiled widely before crashing her lips back into his.

#upstead #jay x hailey #hailey x jay #jay halstead #hailey upton #chicago pd #upstead fic #justmypartner fics #collection of Em’s fics

[the-original-hybrid-niklaus]

♚

willow

[Note: this is an AU where Caroline is born on the same era as Klaus Mikaelson. Also, he’s still human here.]

It was a beautiful night in the village located in Mystic Falls. It was the beginning of the new millennia and Klaus is spending the night by the docks, looking at the beautiful crescent-shaped orb that is glistening in the night sky, alone, only with his graphite and papyrus. It was after his usual day of being beat up by his drunken and very angry father. The bruises on his face and body are still sore but he paid it no mind as he continued to sketch as a way to relieve the pain that he doesn’t just feel physically but also emotionally. As Klaus was drawing his pain away, a ship rolled in that night. Getting lost in his thoughts and the viking song he was humming, he didn’t notice the ship until it was right beside him, blaring their horns. That startled the young boy and he almost dropped his graphite in the water. The passengers started to unboard the ship, and Niklaus took that as a sign to hurry home to their hut before his father realises that he is not in his bed sleeping. In his hurried movements, he bumped into a blonde girl, who is the most beautiful girl that Klaus has ever seen.

“I’m sorry, my lady.” He said, bowing down to the girl as a sign of respect. She looked like she’s part of the royalties that Klaus heard stories about when he was younger.

“It’s alright. I am not hurt.” The girl responded, smiling at him and reaching out to touch his shoulder, noticing the bruises on his body. Niklaus relaxed when she felt her touch and he smiled shyly at her. All of his worries and pain were washed over by that smile of hers. There was an undeniable connection between the two individuals. Niklaus felt it and kept thinking about it on his way home. The worry and anxiety that was brought by the fear his father might hurt him once again was not present at the time.

Days went by, and the pair started hanging out by the docks where they met. Niklaus was teaching the girl how to draw and mix paint. They’ve learned so much about each other as well, how she was from another land called France, and how his father hated him but he still seeks validation and love from him. They were quite the pair.

Niklaus has never felt something like this before. He felt as if he was swayed by the current that is Caroline. She was like a magical water that washed away all of his pain and worries, his anxiety and fears. For the first time in his life, he felt peace and happiness. He felt as if he deserved the things she’s making him feel, the friendship that she has offered him, the company and the love and connection that exists between Klaus and Caroline. She was his solace, his real home in the world where he feels safe and fittingly, he was hers. She feels like a mythical thing, something surreal that he had to pray to the gods to make sure she’s real and she’s in his life.

It was like the song “willow” where she tells him to wait for her signal and meet her after dark, so that he can show her the places where his father gave her scars. She wanted to know more than just his name. He wanted to know and understand his pain on a level that nobody else did. And she did. He told her everything, the things that bring him joy, and also the things that bring him sorrow. Caroline knew him in a way nobody ever did, not even his brother Elijah knew it. It sure felt good on Caroline’s part to be trusted like that by this beautiful boy he met on the docks.

And that’s how their love story began.

#klaus mikaelson #the originals #freya mikaelson #hayley marshall #kol mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #niklaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson icons #joseph morgan #caroline forbes #klaroline #klaroline au #willow

[quirklessidiot]

Title: coward :: pretty girl Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion

Synopsis: : In which you finally meet the perfect girlfriend of Miya Atsumu and he starts to slowly accept the fact that whatever happened between you two is long gone (or is it?)

authors note: 

here to give my thanks again, literally feels so surreal with how much love this story is getting despite the angst sjjsdjsjd i-

also ive released the prologue for my first ever smau! its a more lighthearted one compared to this one between sakusa and an older gn!reader, if you’re into that check it out here uwu

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You’ve never actually seen Miya Atsumu and his girlfriend.

This was your first time today during Sugawara’s house party, Daiki had forced you to go and insisted that the three of them needed to have their manly bonding time (it actually only consisted of stuffing themselves with junk food and watching shounen animes), “...Also don’t you want to bond out with your ex-boyfriend that you chose over me? I’m hurt, I didn't know you like fake blonde volleyball players.” he fake-sniffled, in which you replied with an arched brow.

You didn’t know how he ended up knowing about Atsumu, you were expecting a talk from him but he simply shrugs it off and says, “No matter how much I tell you that you should tell him, you won’t listen. So I won’t bother wasting my breath, just know that you’re being selfish by denying these boys the right to have a father and you're denying that blonde shrimp to be a dad too.” 

“Y/N-san, I’m surprised you came!” Sugawara grins.

“Daiki took charge of the kids.” You replied, fiddling with the keys in your hand.

“He looks very reliable.” the teacher exclaims, handing you a drink in which you completely deny because you weren’t very good with alcohol, “You guys would make a great couple!”

“Oh,” You voiced, you were very familiar with those words, many people had always thought you and Daiki would make a good pair. It was definitely a shock to many when they found out you were pregnant and that the basketball player was not the father despite being there most of the times, “I’ve never seen him that way.”

“He did mention that, he even openly confessed to Miya-san that he’s jealous of how he was your first boyfriend.”

You choked on your saliva, that fucking sly bastard-

“Anyways, make yourself comfortable! I have to go say hi to my old friends from college!” he exclaims, patting your shoulder. You immediately turn around to find Miya Atsumu cozying up with a beautiful girl in his arms.

Ah, that must’ve been the beautiful model with legs for days.

“You’re kind of staring.” comes a very familiar voice.

You want to roll your eyes but you decided against it, “I didn’t know you and Sugawara-san were close, Inunaki-san.” you greeted your annoying senior.

“Suga-san’s a friend to the whole team…” he grins, “Also, I’m just here to warn you that Osamu might be here later, he’s not as nice as Atsumu towards you.”

“You don’t have to remind me.” 

“Come to think of it,” Shion Inunaki paused, tapping his chin in deep thought, “Atsumu still follows you around like a lost puppy. He’s been spending his off days with you instead of his girlfriend. I’m actually surprised he even brought her here today.”

“What are you implying?” You reply, feigning ignorance.

“Ah, L/N-san. I love how you still don’t care about my kohai’s feelings up till now.” He grinned, sarcasm oozing out of his sentence.

“Don’t be silly.” You glazed,“What feelings would there be but hatred?”

“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” he turns to you, hand on his hip, “Even I don’t get why he’s so into you after all this time and the shit you put him through. He’s got someone better in front of him. Physical looks and emotionally speaking, Ri-chan’s a whole lot better than you… No offense…”

You knew he was rubbing salt to the injury but you couldn’t really bring yourself to argue with him, after all, he was right at the most part (you technically considered yourself as the big bad villainous ex in Atsumu’s life) 

“You sound like those girls who used to threaten me back then when I was dating Miya-san.” You replied coolly, Inunaki even notices the amusement dripping in your tone, it's as if he hadn’t insulted you right at the face and called you a lesser being, “It’s almost pathetic.”

You ended up on the balcony right after, so much for trying to socialize, who were you kidding? It’s good you manage to escape the scene before Osamu could see you there, you couldn’t handle Inunaki and the grey-haired twin together. Thank god that Aran wasn’t around the area.

“Figured you’d be here.”

You turn to find the one and only source of all your problems these days, Miya Atsumu, you narrow your eyes in annoyance, “You should leave, people will get the wrong idea.” You simply replied, “I’m not in the mood to be in the middle of that.”

“I just came here because I wanted to apologize about that night with your brat.” the blonde casually leans against the doorway, “It was my fault for riling him up.”

“Yuuto has a temper, he’s more of his otosan than me.” 

“What was he like?”

“Who?”

“The bastard that you miss, those brats father…”

You tilt your head and press your lips together, surprised by his choice of words, “Special.” you openly-confessed as you gaze at the very man in front of you. Oh, the irony of it all. 

How you wish it was that easy to let go of all your fears and anxiety, if you had told him six years ago about your pregnancy, would your life probably be different? What if you told him now? How would he feel?

“He’s lucky,” he admits, gaze fixed on you, “I mean - other than the part that he died  - he was a lucky guy, Y/N.”

It dawned upon you that moment that this had been the first conversation you had with your ex that held no hatred, malice, or anger. He seemed to be slowly accepting the fact that you wanted to do nothing with him. Like you, he had no choice but to move on.

“ ‘Tsumu! What the fuck you moping around alone for up there? You got a girlfriend here!” Osamu calls down from below. You both snap back to reality at his brother's voice, “Guess that’s my cue to leave, I’ll see you around, Y/N.” he uttered softly and as he turned away, you suddenly spoke out.

“I’m sorry.” He freezes in place, somehow this apology seemed different than the rest, “I know I’ve said that a lot these past few weeks and that night but I want you to know that every apology was genuine. I just, I’m not very-”

“I know.” He suddenly turns to you, the very familiar and warm grin that you're accustomed to decorates his features and you feel like its that night in fall and you're back in college again, “I guess I was so wrapped up in wanting to get an emotion out of you that I hadn’t  realized, it’s not you if you did that. You always had trouble expressing yourself naturally to people after all.”

You feel your insides clamp and your lips tremble lightly, you feel the air turn heavy around you. How is that he was always the one pulling the strings and doing all the work between you two? How could he forgive you this easily?

“Don’t be silly.What feelings would there be but hatred?”

“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” 

“I’m proud that you’re trying hard for your kids though,” He chuckles, “Those brats are lucky they get to see all sides of you everyday.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight.” you muttered, watching his figure walk away and vanish in the dark, leaving you all alone in the night of spring.

“...I now pronounce you husband and wife…”

You stare at your father and his new wife looking at each other with complete love and adoration, something you never saw when you were growing up. It sickened you to the point that you turn slightly pale and feel the bile on your throat rise. You watch them exit the church as sakura petals fall, the idea of a picture perfect wedding and happily ever after like the fairytale books you used to scorn when you were a child.

You loathed it.

He even had the audacity to invite you and your mother. She ended up not going and was probably drowning herself in cheap saki at home.

You sat at the back during the reception, along with the people who were not exactly ‘close’ to the bride-groom. You feel like an utter fool, why were you even here? You should’ve gone home or attended that stupid party and get stupid drunk with people you barely knew like your mother.

Yeah, that’s right.

You’d rather be there than here.

“Ah,” you hear a glass clink, you saw one of your dad’s friends stand up, ready to make a speech, “First off, I’d like to congratulate my friend. Finally!” laughter resonates throughout the room but you don’t follow suit, instead, you hold onto the wine glass tightly as if you don’t like where this was going, “I know how unhappy you were back then but ever since you met Yui-chan, your life seemed to have become better. I could never be more proud!”

You could feel yourself getting sicker by the moment, especially after you heard the words you dreaded to hear the most, “Let’s not make anymore mistakes shall we?” he jokes.

All you could see was red right after, grabbing your clutch on the table as you made a haste exit. Was this the reason he invited you? To shove it on your face that you were a mistake made?

That you shouldn't have been born?

You ended up breaking a heel and tripping on your own feet soon after, shakily, you adjust your posture and sat at the concrete for a few moments, trying to gather yourself but desperately failing, "I didn't… I didn't ask to be born too, you know?" You murmured to yourself bitterly.

You let it all out, it shouldn't have hurt to be called a mistake. You were an adult already for crying out loud! Yet when they toss that word around like it was nothing especially at that wedding, you feel like you're eight years old again and you're hearing your own mother curse at you for being born into this world, the harsh words she said were as clear as the day, "if you probably hadn't been born, we would've been happier. We'd have better lives, Y/N. So don't go around and cry and think you got it bad, you hear me? Your sadness is nothing compared to ours. It's nothing, Y/N. So stop being ungrateful."

You ended up at the frat house that night, people would occasionally glance at your disheveled state but you just downed the alcohol, ignoring their stares as usual  and when you get a text from your mother asking why you left the wedding so early in such a manner, you feel the pent-up emotions bubbling within you again. 

Blocking her number and taking one last swig of the cheap vodka in your hands, you head up to one of the rooms upstairs. You hold it all in well, you don't want to showcase such things to strangers.You feel the alcohol and emotion about to hit you when you open a door that you thought would be your safe space for the next ten minutes but you're immediately greeted by two people on the bed, ready to hit it off and have a good time.

"O-Oh sorry… I-Wrong room...” you stammered, lips quivering and small tears escaping since you couldn't hold it in anymore.You immediately bolted out the door, So much for sobering up and crying by yourself for ten minutes, you might as well call Daiki, maybe he was available-

“Hey! Y/N!” a very familiar and a very unexpected voice calls out your name on the quiet street.

You hesitantly turn only to find your project partner and classmate standing there, a bit out of breath as if he had just squeezed through the very crowded party in a hurry, you're confused by his actions. You weren’t exactly close? What was he doing?

“Hey.” he softly says, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket to hand it to you. You hesitantly look at it and take it from his grasp as you try to get rid of the runny mascara. You're taken aback by his kind actions so far, although he had always been nice and tried to make conversations with you, you weren’t exactly very participative and it had always been one-sided on his part. 

When he suddenly stopped talking to you recently, you didn’t bother to initiate anymore because you didn’t want to get more involved with people like him.  It’s not like he was a bad person, per say, he just had such a loud presence that made everyone stop and stare. You weren’t exactly a big fan of those kinds of people (save for daiki since you grew up with him)

“Come on, Y/N.” the blonde sighs, taking off his jacket to place it on you, “Let's take you home.”

"You don't have to."

"You look like shit, Y/N. I’m not takin' no for an answer" Atsumu points out forwardly, "Actually, before we head home lets disinfect that wound, yeah?"

"Miya-san, I-" you tried to tell him you were fine but he didn’t seem to be having it.

"Atsumu." He corrects, despite his forwardness and brash attitude, you know he means well, "You let me call you by your first name so please don't call me Miya-san, sounds fuckin weird coming from ya."

You're thankful that he doesn't pry or ask questions about why you looked like this. He just mumbles throughout your whole journey that you shouldn't wear heels when you can't even walk on them.You also start to notice the slight accent from his tone when he got annoyed by your insistence that you were alright, you had always thought that he was a city boy with the way he carried himself.

When you arrive at the drugstore, he pays for the necessities himself despite you protesting again and even buys you a sugar-free treat on top of that, "You said you were diabetic one time." He shrugs off as he lets you sit on the concrete steps.

“Oh,” You faltered, “You remembered.”

“It’s one of the few things you said. You don’t talk to me that much so it's not hard to remember the things you say.”

“Sorry.” You tried to apologize, brows furrowed in deep thought and the only reply you got was a gleeful laughter from the blonde setter.

“You don’t really mean that do you?” he observed but he didn't look insulted by it at all, instead he seemed amused by it, “Don’t sweat it, Y/N. My twin told me I could be an annoying shit at times.”

“No,” you mused, “Not at all, you’re not annoying.”

Atsumu stares at you right in the eye, his corners crinkling just a bit as the amused smile never leaves his features, you’re starting to like it when you see him smile that way, it reminded you a lot of the youth you craved for, the problematic-free youth that you wanted and wished, “Is it safe to say that you don’t mind my company?” he guessed.

“Well, you’re here now and I haven’t left you.” 

He doesn’t reply,  instead he bends down to your level and takes the antiseptic and band-aids from your hands. Before you could object, the setter dabs it on your wound and as you seethe quietly in pain, he blows on it. You’re getting more and more perplexed by his actions tonight especially with the words he says next, “I may not be close with you to know what happened tonight but I hope I made you feel a little bit better, Y/N.” 

The next time you see the professional volleyball player is at work,You’re tasked to send out some documents to your boss again and it just so happens they’re wrapping up the shoot for the advertisement at the studio.

Something’s different now. 

After your little talk with him at the terrace, the air around you doesn’t feel tight, your anxiety around him seems to decrease, and your feet doesn’t get cold anymore. Of course, Inunaki would throw in a jab or insult but you took it like a good sport and didn’t bother with him.

“Ah, L/N-san! How are the boys?” Hinata jumps up and down excitedly as he sees you enter the studio, you still couldn’t get used to this big (small) bundle of energy.

“They’re doing fine, Hinata-san.” 

“Oho, L/N-san, you’re looking better these days.” Inunaki teased, you gave him a brief nod and just ignored the jab, Atsumu slaps his seniors back in retaliation, “You’re not the one she broke up with Inu-san.” he joked, “Hey L/N-san.”

“Miya-san.” You greeted.

“Does Yuuto still want to skewer me like a kebab?”

“He feels sad that he wasn’t able to say sorry to you before you left.” You replied, a hint of amusement laced on your tone as you recalled Yuuto frowning on the dinner table the night before because Sugawara had informed the club members that Hinata and Atsumu wouldn’t be visiting as much because training was about to start.

“Shame, wanted to see that brat say sorry too.” He let out a grin, your conversation is cut short though when a new presence joins the room.

“Oh, Riku-chan!” Inunaki calls out.

You lick your dry lips as you see the very beautiful and tall raven-haired woman approach you, wow, Miya Atsumu outdid himself with this one. You recalled her being on Vogue magazine once and on tv a few times as a fashion model of an underwear brand.

“Oh, hey babe.” Atsumu greets, you note how stiff he became. He probably thought this would be an uncomfortable situation. The woman, unlike you, was very open with her affection. She gave him a brief kiss on his jaw.

Hinata greets her and you’re left wondering if you should excuse yourself before you could make Atsumu more uncomfortable by your presence but Inunaki, being an asshole, decides to make the choice for you, “L/N-san, this is Miyazaki Riku! I’m sure you know her, she’s a supermodel!” he introduces you to her.

“Good day.” You greet the model.

She tilts her head slightly, “Have we met before? You look very familiar.”

“She was my kohai back in Uni and Atsumu’s classmate!” Inunaki grins, patting your back, you hold back a glare since you didn’t want to make it more awkward than it was.

“Oh?” she chirped, immediately letting go of Atsumu’s hand, she grabbed onto yours, “What was he like? I bet he was so cool and chic back then too!”

Chic and Cool?

Memories of a rather clumsy and corny Miya Atsumu in college slowly wormed its way to your head and out of nowhere, you burst into a low chuckle. Inunaki was startled by the sudden reaction and Atsumu feels his insides mush up when he hears that very rare sound, “Yeah,” you croaked, shortly after recovering from your small laugh, “Definitely chic and cool.”

“That’s so cool! I definitely want to hear stories about you back in college, baby!”

“Maybe some other time,” you voice is back to its smooth and cool tone, realizing that you needed to leave from this uncomfortable conversation and start your job, “I have to finish up my work here and get home early.”

“That’s a shame, I could definitely tell you guys were close.” a frown tugs her lips as she notices how quick you were to say goodbye to her, “Bye, L/N-san!”

After that rather dry and one-sided enthusiastic conversation, you finish your work quickly and Daiki messages you just in time that he and the boys would pick you up, you say your goodbyes to your director, the staff, and the volleyball team. You don’t notice the lingering gaze of Atsumu as you left nor do you notice Inunaki telling him that he’s got his girlfriend right in front of him and he shouldn’t look your way.

They shortly wrap up right after and they’re ready to go home. After deciding that they’d all grab a good meal together (much to sakusa’s dismay), Atsumu feels his mood lighten up as they exit the studio to see you standing there along with Yuuto, unwrapping his onigiri. As he’s about to call the brat to talk to him and even drop in to say hi to you, he sees a familiar tall figure emerge from the convenience store with Youta in his arms.

The blonde decides against it.

“...You always had trouble expressing yourself naturally to people after all.”

He watches the interaction from afar and notes how easy it was for the man to interact with you, he even catches on an amused smirk from you as the man tries to tell you a joke, “Is that L/N-san?” he hears Riku ask, “I didn’t know she had a family, that’s so cute!”

Atsumu doesn’t really know what to say as he watches the domestic scene unfold in front of him, he was trying to move on, wasn’t he? Yet why can’t he look away? 

“Baby? You alright there? You’ve been staring at the empty space for a while.” Riku calls out, sounding a bit worried as she snaps him out of his daze. You were already gone, probably far off with that scrub and the brats.

“I’m good.” he tried to affirm himself, wishing it was true, “I’m good.”

taglist [closed]

@fortheloveofiwaizumi ;  @svtbitch  ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii ; @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @intoomuchfandoms ; @yammmers ; @mx-minxx @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious ; @pinknugget @seikamuzu ; @marigoldthoughts ; @sillykittt ; @baejinoffcl ; @alluring-akaashi ; @bnhasstuff ; @jungshookmeup ; @intheawks ; @bokuakadaily ; @agaassi​ ; @yams046​  ; @dope-squish​ ; @chrisrue15​ ; @vermillionwaves​ ; 

@misosamu  @Etherynaw  @ryaaaax @differentballooncollection @keniloveshaikyuu @allysasteaparty  [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]

#haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! fanfics #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu imagine #miya atsumu scenarios #miya atsumu fanfiction #atsumu x reader #atsumu imagines #miya atsumu

[geekgirles]

Orange and Peppermint

After breaking up with Adrien for his lies, Kagami is in need of someone she can trust to confide her feelings in. She needs a friend who understands what she's going through; she needs Marinette.

As the café’s doorbell rang above her head when she opened the door, Marinette had a million thoughts running frantically through her mind. Why did Kagami call her to meet up? And why did she sound so dejected? And why talking to her instead of Adrien? Did something happen?

Marinette scoffed at herself. Of course something happened. Just the other day she got akumatised into Lies! It was obvious that something bad must have happened for her to become an akuma’s target. But the true question was, why talking to her about it?

Sure, they were friends. Once she got to know the fencer, Marinette realised how nice and kind Kagami truly was. They hung out and had fun, but still, she was no Adrien! Kagami herself said that, while she valued their friendship, Adrien came first.

Well, she didn’t exactly say that... And Marinette couldn’t really blame her... But it still didn’t make sense that she would want to confide in her instead of the person she was closest to. There was something really strange about all this.

Strange or not, Kagami needed her help, and she was going to be there for her. She still couldn’t believe how lucky she’d been. The moment Longg found out his former wielder needed help, he took charge of the situation and got every kwami to behave just so she could go and talk to Kagami. If only she’d been as lucky while she was still dating Luka...

Feeling her eyes watering, Marinette shook her head determinedly. As much as it pained her not being able to have a normal relationship with a guy as great as Luka, it would have all been very stressful and unfair to him unless Shadow Moth backed down. And he would never back down until he was defeated.

Sighing loudly, Marinette looked around the establishment. It was the same café where she and Kagami had celebrated the former’s birthday. An elegant but very affordable café near the school. In fact, Kagami managed to go instead of being sent directly back home thanks to it being close to it, and therefore, her fencing classes. Adrien couldn’t make it since he had a photoshoot, but the girls had a great time nonetheless.

Squinting her eyes looking for her friend, Marinette made out Kagami waving her hand in the air to help her locate her. She was seated near the wall, on the other end of the room and nursing some orange juice. Waving her hand in return and smiling softly, Marinette made her way to where Kagami was.

“Hey, Kagami.” She greeted as she moved away the chair before sitting on it and getting closer to the table. “How you’ve been? Did anything interesting happen in fencing class?” Marinette knew she was making small talk, but she didn’t know how to approach the subject. For all she knew, maybe Kagami just wanted to spend some time with a friend.

The fencer smiled at her, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Hello, Marinette. You could say it did...”

That took Marinette slightly by surprise. Straightening up a little, she was about to ask what she meant when the waiter came, asking for her order. “Oh! Uh...um...I’ll have what she’s having.” The waiter wrote it down and with that he went back the way he came from. With him gone, the pigtailed girl tried again. “So, fencing class. What happened? Did Monsieur D’Argencour make a mistake and give the point of the match to someone else?”

Kagami chuckled slightly at that. “No, for once he was being accurate when announcing the results of the matches.” She averted her gaze to the floor. “He actually also stopped a fight. Or rather, he stopped a match from turning into a nasty fight.”

Marinette could only look at her with bulging eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I almost attacked Adrien during the match out of anger.” She confessed. Seeing her friend’s horrified expression, she hurried to assure her. “Don’t worry, Marinette. As I said, Monsieur D’Argencour managed to stop me before I could do something I’d regret.”

Marinette was ever so thankful her juice hadn’t arrived yet, otherwise she would have either choked on it or spilt it all over the place. This didn’t make any sense, though. She knew Kagami had a strong temper, but she would never try to hurt Adrien! Except for when she was akumatised into Riposte... But other than that, never! Then why would she take her anger out on him like that? For all the questions running through her mind, Marinette could only settle for one. “Why would you do that?”

Placing her hands on her lap, her head low in embarrassment, the Japanese girl could only grit her teeth and be honest. After all, weren’t lies the true responsible behind all her hurt? “I was mad at him for lying to me.”

Taking a gulp from her glass of orange juice that had just been served, Marinette gulped loudly. That was not the answer she expected to hear at all. “Adrien? Lying to you? Are you sure?” She didn’t want to doubt her friend, but the reason she loved Adrien so much was precisely his honesty, so hearing he had lied to Kagami was completely surreal to her.

“Positive.” Kagami nodded. “These past few weeks he’s been lying to me nonstop. Every time we had a date, he would disappear not long after arriving. He always gave me some poor excuse, like his father needing him or something like that. In the end, we barely spent any time together.”

“But why would he lie about his father needing him? I mean, Gabriel Agreste is a very busy man and he’s constantly monitoring Adrien’s already packed schedule.”

“Because if his father truly needed him that urgently, he wouldn’t allow Adrien to go see me in the first place.”

Marinette couldn’t argue against that logic.

Rubbing her face with her hands, Kagami sighed loudly. “But the last straw was the other day, when we were supposed to attend Prince Ali’s birthday party. After we left the Couffaine’s boat the lucky charm you made for him fell out of his pocket.

“I picked it up. As soon as we arrived at the city hall, Adrien left, seeing he’d lost something. I held onto the lucky charm and waited for him. And hour or so later he came back, saying he’d finally found what he’d lost. When I asked him what it was he said it was your lucky charm, and it was then he realised he didn’t have it with him. So I revealed to him I had it all along, and that I knew he was lying to me.”

Marinette could feel her insides churn. She couldn’t believe her little lucky charm could bring so much trouble. It was more of an unlucky charm! “What did you do next?”

“I told him the truth.” Kagami said. “I told him I had lied too, many times. But unlike him, I always lied to spend more time together. All he ever did was lie to get away from me.” Her voice had taken on a shaky note as she spoke. “But he still refused to tell me the truth. After that I entered the city hall, alone, and I...I got akumatised.”

Marinette’s eyes were as wide as saucers. So that was why Lies’ akumatised object was her lucky charm. But this whole thing was very weird. Why would Adrien ever need to lie to Kagami? Or about having lost her lucky charm and going to find it? What was it that he couldn’t tell Kagami? But most importantly, “Why are you telling me this?”

“So you’re careful if you two ever end up together.” She told her with steely eyes.

“W-what!? M-me and A-Adrien?” Trying to act nonchalant, she scoffed at the idea while waving it off with a movement of her hand. “D-don’t be silly! Why...why would I want to date Adrien?” She finished her little rant with an awkward, unconvincing laugh.

“Because you’ve been in love with him for longer.” The Japanese girl answered, her expression unchanged.

Marinette yelped at her bluntness. She was never going to get used to it, it seemed. “Look, Marinette. Right now I’m too hurt to even see Adrien, but I know you care about him. So I’m telling you this so you don’t go through the same pain as I am going through. Whatever it is, Adrien has a secret he will lie to everyone about in order to keep it hidden.”

The pigtailed girl frowned in empathy for Kagami’s sadness. “But why are you saying that? I mean, he is your boyfriend...” She said as she took a gulp from her orange juice, Kagami’s laying forgotten by her side.

“I broke up with him after fencing class.”

And, she spilt her juice all over the place. She totally didn’t see that one coming. “What?!” Marinette screeched in disbelief. Noticing heads turning in their direction, she blushed and coughed slightly before asking in a more subdued voice. “Did you seriously break up with him?”

“Yes.” The fencer replied. “I already told you, he kept lying to me. I can’t be with a person who won’t be honest with me, especially not if he lies to get away from me when all I want is to be closer to him. His hesitation has always hurt me, but this is a new level of pain.” She looked Marinette in the eye, her gaze intense and full of emotion. “I need somebody I can trust; that’s what my mother has always taught me, and if Adrien can’t be that person...” She huffed in annoyance. “Then it is best I let him go.”

“And you’re telling me all this because you trust me?” She...didn’t know what to say to that.

Kagami nodded solemnly. “Indeed. Not only are you my friend, Marinette, you are the only person who understands how difficult it can be to love Adrien.”

Her eyes widening at her friend’s words, Marinette could only cast her eyes down and slump against her chair at the truth in that statement. As much as she loved Adrien, nobody knew how emotionally exhausting it could be. She loved the girls and was thankful for them trying to help her get closer to him, but they had no idea how painful it was when it all failed. They didn’t know what it was like to be living in a completely different world from him. How frustrating it was to see literal pests getting closer to him while she was stuck being his friend. They had no idea what it was to have the universe plotting against her to ruin her chances at confessing to him.

They didn’t know the first thing of how tiring it really was.

But, apparently, Kagami did.

“Out of all the girls that are interested in Adrien, I was actually jealous of you the most.” Marinette confessed with a shy smile.

Kagami gasped at her words. “You...you were jealous of me?”

“Oh, yes.” The pigtailed girl let out a small laugh. “I mean, Chloé and Lila are too much of a pain for Adrien to show any interest in them, that I know. But you? You are pretty, and an awesome fencer, and so similar to him, and he’s always been very comfortable around you. Compared to you, what chances do I have?”

Her head shot up when she felt a warm presence over her hand. Looking at it, she realised it was Kagami. She’d put her own hand on top of hers and was looking at her with a mixture of mirth and sadness in her eyes. “More than you think.”

“I’ve often found myself jealous of you as well, Marinette. Despite everything you said, Adrien always seemed to harbour a special fondness for you. And you’ve known him for longer, so it was a bit of a painful reminder of the life he has outside of me.” The fencer confessed.

Now the blue-eyed girl was just incredulous. “A special fondness, for me? I find that hard to believe. I mean, sure, we’re friends, but that’s all there is‒.”

“I’ve always felt there was much more than just that, mind you.” Kagami cut her off. “After Ladybug and Chat Noir saved me when I was turned into Riposte I got to clear things up with Adrien. He had nothing but praise and kind words for you, he always speaks of you fondly.” Resting her head against her fist, she appraised her companion with an amused smirk on her face. “And do I have to remind you he ditched me twice on our “first date” to check up on you?”

Marinette gasped at that, appalled. “Oh my Gosh, I am so sorry for that, Kagami! I never meant to!”

“Relax, Marinette. I know that. I’m just saying Adrien feels something very powerful for you, even if he refuses to see it.” She rolled her eyes at that.

Marinette couldn’t help but feel her cheeks heating up a little. Could it be? Did Adrien really feel something for her?

A comfortable silence settled between them. Even if the atmosphere wasn’t awkward, Marinette wanted to say something to keep the conversation going, but she didn’t know what. Looking over at Kagami, she was staring at her glass of orange juice as if it was the most interesting thing in the world, a sad smile on her lips.

When the fencer spoke up, Marinette jumped in surprise. “You know? After André said Adrien and I were like an orange and peppermint ice cream when he sneaked out of the Bourgeois’ anniversary party, I started adding a little bit of peppermint to everything I had that had oranges in it.”

“How did it taste?”

“Terrible!” Kagami chuckled heartedly before sighing wistfully. “Maybe it was a sign that we were never really meant to be after all...”

Seeing Kagami so dejected didn’t sit well with Marinette. She’d grown used to the strong, confident fencer who never took any crap from anyone, so seeing her so sad now... Determination running through her veins, Marinette took the menu with the most enthusiasm anyone had ever taken a menu with. “Do you want to try their chocolate croissants? It won’t be the end of the world if I eat food that isn’t from my parents’ bakery just once.”

Taken aback by the abrupt change of topic, Kagami soon figured out what the blue-eyed girl was trying to do. She could only smile warmly at her friend in return.

.........

The rest of the afternoon went by smoothly. Once Kagami had opened up about her break up with Adrien they spent the remaining time talking about everything and nothing over some tasty treats. Tasty, but not mouth-watering. That was an adjective she reserved only for her parents’ bakery.

Waving Kagami goodbye as she got into her car, Marinette was left alone with her thoughts. So she wasn’t the only one who felt threatened over the presence of another girl in Adrien’s life. Moreover, Adrien actually seemed to have a soft spot for her. Any other day she would’ve leapt with joy, but now she had more pressing matters to tend to.

In a way, Kagami was right. Nobody other than them understood how painful caring for Adrien could be. Though she never even fathomed the idea of stop caring for Adrien, she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t wished he could just be another good friend to her, and not the boy she had been pining for ever since that fateful storm. Loving Adrien required a strong heart and lots of patience; his life was so hectic and busy that only someone who didn’t take things personally or wasn’t disappointed easily would be able to keep up with it.

Loving Adrien was extremely demanding, and it wasn’t even his fault! If she already had a hard time before, how would she manage now that she was the Guardian?

She knew the answer to that. She wouldn’t manage. Her duties had already cost her a relationship with someone as sweet, talented, and incredible as Luka, they would surely cost her Adrien, too. It was best to let him go.

But after talking to Kagami about their own relationship, there was still something she would like to know: what could Adrien possibly be hiding?

#miraculous ladybug #ml #mlb #ml fanfic #ML spoilers #ml leaks #ml season 4 #ml season 4 spoilers #ml s4.01 #ml s4.02 #truth #lies #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Kagami Tsurugi #Adrien Agreste #Luka Couffaine #Adrienette #Adrigami #Lukanette

[twelvedy7]

Twisted - One shot

warning: sensitive topics (drugs). 

I just wanted to write something a bit different. It might be a bit OCC but I thought it might be a great fit for the manga universe.   This story won’t be published anywhere else than tumblr so feel free to save the story if you like it.

Oh and also english isn’t really my native language so sorry if there are incoherences. 

Takano had no sense of self-control. From a very young age he has been a witness of the sheer harshness of his mother and the complete indifference of his father towards their family. Despite how much he tried to convince himself of his difference he inherited from most of their flaws, which filled him with anger every time he thought about it. 

No wonder that whenever he met someone bright, kind, generous and appreciated he became more aware of his whole dark gloomy personality. That was the case with Ritsu he was still viewing today as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago.

No wonder that when he met this bright, kind and generous highschool kid he had become more aware of his dark gloomy personality. He was still viewing Ritsu as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago and yet he couldn’t understand for the life of him the reason why such a lovable person would waste their time with him rather than finding another likeable person that would be such a better companion than him.

If all the open rejections from the brunette could make him believe he hated him, he was at least smart enough to read between the lines and see what the other tried so hard to conceal under feigned anger and flustered reactions. 

What seemed to be like a bitter-sweet genuine love story from two ignorant teenagers who lost each other from a foolish misunderstanding was driving him straight into madness. Ritsu was constantly on his mind, invading his thoughts at any time of the day, reminding him of the terrible person he was and how he will never be nowhere near enough for him. Even in the poorly credible reality where the younger one would actually build up the courage to admit his feelings, he knew that their relationship was sealed to failure. 

One day Ritsu would mature and realise how incompatible they were and how idealistic they’ve been this whole time before leaving him to find another person that could offer him the support and love he needed. Maybe one day Ritsu would find the man of his dreams, different from senpai in every way, to finally live the blissful life he aspired to. That’s what broke his heart the most: they were not made for each other. No matter how hard he tried, it will never be enough because they were simply not meant to. 

He imagined Ritsu’s soulmate to be fun, social, caring, communicative and considerate which would make him forget all the turmoil he went through for all this time. His parents might be so enchanted by their personality that the fact they weren’t An-Chan wouldn’t even bother them.

The truth is he was physically and emotionally drained. He couldn’t feel a thing if it wasn’t his love for Ritsu and sometimes he felt as if that was his last tie with sanity. There were times where he would shut down his emotions. When it became too difficult to confront their inevitable fate, he would put himself in a semi-automatic mode working up to 15 hours straight without paying attention to anything or anyone, only accomplishing what he ought to.

Over time, he came to accept that he wasn’t able to love anyone without causing them a great deal of pain and suffering. That’s why he decided to distance himself from the few people who actually cared about him in his life and managed to bring him some split meaningful moments of happiness. It was like a lightning bolt shaking him from side to side, making him surrender to the hope of one day being able to spend the rest of his life with Ritsu and recovering from his long-lost friendship with Yokozawa. He hurt them both and didn’t deserve to be part of their lives. 

His phone vibrated. He broke off his thoughts to center his attention on the alias displaying on the screen: “Taisho” along with a message “I’m here.”

He stood up from the floor, came up to the entrance of his apartment and opened the door. A man of average-height in his mid-thirties was waiting for him. At first glance, he gave the impression of being a regular salary-man coming back home to his family after a long day of hard work. However, he came to discover that the man likely had a long history of debt behind him involving matters such as a costly divorce and low paychecks.

Not bothering to greet him, he pulled out 6,000 yen from his pocket and handed it to the fearful looking man who replaced the notes with a small transparent plastic bag containing a white powder. 

“Same thing next week?” asked the anxious black-haired man, his light blue eyes too faithful to be a dealer squeezing behind his oval glasses. 

“Yeah. See you.” 

Without giving him a second glance, he double-locked the door and came back to his dimly lit living room that felt so lonely without Ritsu here. It would take some time, if not forever, to prevent this heavy load in his heart from manifesting every time he would find himself alone without the prospect of his first love joining him any time soon. 

It still pained him… Nao came unannounced in the office earlier in the morning and asked Ritsu out for something that too likely looked like a date. A walk in the city center, a restaurant, and a nighttime exposure. That bastard. 

The rare times he had managed to take Ritsu out for a date was by forcefully dragging him out of his apartment or bluntly lying by message playing the card of ‘emergency’. He remembered the dull ache he felt in the morning as he realised how easy it was for his “best-friend” to take him out to a full outing while he had to prepare a strategy days ahead just to drink a coffee together. 

Opening the tiny bag in his hands, he chased away his dark thoughts and kneeled in front of his coffee table, pouring half of the powder out on its surface and realigned it in two fine lines with the help of an old credit card. He usually didn’t take such high doses in one shot, but tonight he knew that he needed it. The accumulated pain and overthinking were taking a toll on him. Rolling a paper, he brought it to his right nostril and sniffed the first line, ignoring the burning pain in his cavity before passing it to his left one and repeated the action.

A few seconds later he started feeling the tiny molecules flowing through his blood system, noticing the faster pace of his heart beat and the gradual relaxation of his muscles as the drug invaded his mind.

He closed his eyes. 

As always, the thrill was exquisite. The far away sounds of ambient city noises echoed and at some point the only thing he could decipher in the absolute silence was his own breath. His body was soft and any psychological pain he felt instantly disappeared. It was as if someone had covered him with a warm fluffy blanket while stroking his hair with a gentle grasp, providing him an endless feeling of comfort and security he so desperately needed. 

At that moment, everything stopped and all his troubles went away. Nothing mattered anymore. He was back being a young child pampered by a protective mother he never had with an unconditional sense of love. Pleasurable sensations coursed through his body from head to toes until his spirit went numb and he lost any notion of space and time. 

He reached that moment of nothingness that he wished could last forever.

___ 

“Takano-san!” 

...

“Takano-san!” 

Who was it? 

The voice seemed so far away he wasn’t even sure it was real.

“Masamune!” Why would someone try to break the silent darkness that was surrounding him?

For what seemed like hours, he felt himself trapped in-between the process of gaining and losing consciousness. He didn’t want to be drawn from his deep slumber yet.

He recognized some familiar voices in the background but it was hard to put a name on them as they seemed to continuously echo. 

It took him several more minutes to realise that people were present and it shook him. He became hyper aware of his environment.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a bunch of white blouses around him scampering around the room at a feverish speed. 

His mind whirled. The world seemed to be going so fast but his brain was so slow. 

His golden eyes blinked several times to adjust to the brightness of the room. In an instant he was blinded by the artificial light of the leds on the ceiling. 

In the chaos of all the fast-paced strangers around him, he felt a delicate hand fondling with the hair on the short back of his neck and let out a soft tired moan escape his lips. 

“Takano-san can you hear me?!” 

He groggily stretched out his limbs while burying his head on the petite body frame behind him and looked up to see who was the kind stranger offering him such soft intentions. 

Above him were two wide teary green eyes displaying a worried expression. Despite his blurry vision, he could recognize the refined and familiar traits of the man he loved. It looked surreal, having the both of them like this sharing such intimacy in a restless atmosphere.

Next to him was standing Yokozawa in his usual professional attire. He could only watch them through half-closed eyes all the while trying to figure out what they were doing in his apartment in the first place.

“He’s stable now. Overdoses happen regularly when cocaine and other powerful stimulants are added to the equation. That’s what producers do nowadays to boost the effects”. Said a firm feminine voice. He could see the lady in white gesturing around to her colleagues and immediately realised what just happened. She was staring at him, probably trying to jauge how awake her patient was. 

“You were lucky Takano-san. This could have been much more serious.” 

He saw his friend sitting next to Ritsu, his usual severe expression ruptured by the deep crease in his eyebrows. 

“How did you find me?” asked the raven, his voice so weak he wasn’t sure the two others heard him. 

The brunette brought his face closer to his ear, petting his forehead as he replied in a shaky shy voice: “Yokozawa-san found you like this…” he heard a sneeze. “The front door was unlocked and your phone was ringing without you answering it. You… You stopped breathing.” 

He felt absolutely miserable. 

Trying to shift his position to have a better view of his comrades, he caught the look of utter disappointment and guilt from his older friend. He probably thought that he was long done with this dark hazardous period of his life. 

“I’m… I’m sorry... I didn’t want to…” 

His battle to stay awake was getting harder and harder. 

“It’s okay Masamune. Just rest for now.”

The nurse took a hold of his wrist and stuck the intravenous line with a patch. 

“We’re going to transfer you to the clinic as you need to take several tests. You’re safe now but your body needs to recover.” 

The hand that was playing with his hair resumed and he let his head fall back on his lap. This combined with the liquid in his body led him to a sleep without dreams.

___

When he woke up again, he found himself buried under the sheets of a hospital bed. It took him some time to become accustomed to the artificial lighting of the room. Gathering enough energy to finally keep his eyes open, he gazed at the clock at his right indicating 4:55AM.

The first thing he felt was an atrocious headache that hit him with a massive chest pain undertaking his whole body. He noticed the numerous wires connected to his skin accompanied with the steady regular bips of a machine.

He heard a light snore on his right. Shifting his head, he immediately saw the small fragile figure crawling up into a ball on the couch. A cheap blanket was covering him from toes to his neck. This sight made him feel so terribly selfish. As seconds went by he started getting back to a normal state of awareness despite a fizzy pang at the back of his skull. 

With as much strength as he could gather he sprawled a hand towards him and rested it on the others’ laps. He stroked his thigh lightly with the help of his thumb and stared at his seemingly exhausted resting face. He felt so worthless. He knew he had hurt him badly in the past already and the only thing he could think of is that this was too much.

“I’m so sorry Ritsu…”. 

After reuniting with his first love following the 10 years they had spent apart from one another he had started to believe in fate. Yet he had been too trustful, using it as a justification for every one of his impatient and inappropriate moves towards the younger one. Everything became painfully obvious. This whole thing they had was destructive and that was mainly his fault. It was time to finally respect the distance that Ritsu wanted and deserved. He could not go back to these college years pretending that nobody cared about him. 

Now Ritsu would need him. 

Still, they were nowhere near close from getting into a relationship. Too many mistakes had been made. It was crucial for both men to work on themselves first as jumping the steps one more time would only bring them unhappiness.

That day Takano swore he would stop pursuing Ritsu. He’s forever been broken and finally accepting to get help was a start towards a less twisted life.

“It’s okay Ritsu.” 

One day they would be okay. They would get the life they both secretly wanted. 

#sekaiichihatsukoi #Sekaiichi Hatsukoi #junjou romantica #Ritsu Onodera #Takano Masamune #yokozawa takafumi

[olligreen]

No Bad Student | 3 -- Nice Things

{C}

Pairing: Lawrusso (Daniel x Johnny) Genre: Angst Warnings: Emotionally-abusive parent mentioned briefly Word count: 1566 Summary: KK2 AU in which Johnny ends up living with Miyagi and Daniel for the summer. Inspired by nadianecromancer’s comic, but I’ll try to avoid making any scenes similar to the ones they already did! Notes: This was originally posted on Ao3 here. I’m much more used to that format than this one, but I’ve seen a lot of people post their fics here and thought I’d give it a shot.

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

The dust had only just settled as Johnny’s car pulled up beside one of the tarp-covered vehicles in Miyagi’s lot. It didn’t belong there, Daniel thought, like a hyena in a pack of dogs. Daniel stood guard as Miyagi paid no mind to it at all, heading back to his work promptly, as if leading him there was just another errand he completed.

Johnny slammed his door with no malice, but the sound still tensed his rival’s shoulders. They met eyes momentarily before he set out toward Miyagi, his steps purposeful. He stopped a few feet from him, crossing his arms and glaring.

Miyagi gave him a nod but was otherwise unbothered.

“So what’s this problem you were talking about?” He spat out caustically.

“Talk later.”

“What? What do you mean? I’m here, my car’s here, now tell me what’s going on.”

“Talk later,” Miyagi demanded.

“This is unbelievable! What am I supposed to do until then?”

Miyagi ceased his work, looking up at him. “Don’t know. Go home?”

Johnny’s eyes drifted back toward the car without his intention as he searched for a proper response. “How the hell am I supposed to go home without my car?”

Miyagi turned his head to Daniel, who was watching from the very edge of hearing distance. Johnny followed Miyagi’s gaze and scoffed, not hiding any aspect of his frustration.

Daniel’s brows shifted. “No! No way! I’m not driving him around!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Johnny retorted.

“It means I’m not doin’ it, dumbass! What do you think?”

Johnny’s eyes widened with rage. The same, purposeful steps sent him rapidly closer to Daniel.

Fear struck him just as aggressively as before, but he hid it well, as still and composed as a statue. “Look, I’m just saying, man, we’re not friends. I don’t want you around.”

“Yeah?” Johnny stepped close enough that their difference in height forced Daniel to look upward. He hovered there for a moment, letting his dominant stature assert itself before he spoke. “Well, I’m right here. What’re you gonna do about it, LaRusso?”

A sigh sounded from behind Johnny as Miyagi gave him a gentle push, bringing him back a few steps. Still, Johnny’s glare was locked on his opponent, whose defenses crumbled as soon as they separated, eyes looking anywhere but forward.

“Daniel-san. Move bed inside, work there.”

“What? You’re giving me work when he was the one who--”

“Go!” Miyagi shouted harshly.

After making a final, silent complaint, Daniel stomped off toward the house. He dragged the unassembled parts inside as quickly as he could since every second he spent in sight range of that prick was torture.

Johnny watched on with a sadistic grin, feeling, for the first time in a while, like he won.

“Why smile? Something funny?” Miyagi asked in his own form of sarcasm.

“Well, I--...” Johnny launched immediately into defense. “Look, man, you don’t know what that asshole really did, alright? You’ve only seen it from his side.”

Miyagi hummed in understanding, then gestured for him to continue.

“What?”

“Tell your side.”

“Oh… uh…” Johnny’s eyes glanced to the house behind Miyagi, checking the windows. “I--... Alright, well, first he stole my girlfriend.”

Miyagi hummed again, furrowing his brows.

“Well--... Well, alright, we’d been broken up for a couple of weeks, but--... But it wasn’t over, alright? In fact, we were trying to talk things out but he kept butting into it. And then the guy punches me in the face! Outta’ nowhere!”

Miyagi nodded slowly.

“And so I--… y’know, I defend myself, and--... and--... Y’know what, long story short, she ends up going out with him, and--... And then he dumps water on me for no reason, like an asshole, ruined my joi--... my uh… my costume, and then we chased after him and--... well, you were there for that one, but we were just--... It was justice, alright?! He started that whole thing.”

Miyagi hummed. “That everything?”

“Well--... I dunno, I guess I just--...” Johnny sighed, his voice solemn, quiet. “Y’know, I lost Ali to him, and then--... then--... You have no idea how important karate was to me, man.”

“Was?”

Johnny’s gaze drifted downward, his mouth hanging open as he searched for a response, but found none.

Miyagi nodded, letting the silence hang for a while longer.

But Johnny was sick of silence. “So uh… what about that problem with my car? Is it bad?”

“Car problem not bad, can fix. You problem more important.”

“What problem? What’re you talking about, man?”

“Your trip.”

Johnny’s shoulders tensed as he felt his ruse falling. Still, he tried to hold on. “Yeah, to Malibu, like I said. I--... my family has a beach house there.”

Miyagi hummed, nodding lightly. “What family like?”

Johnny kept his gaze behind Miyagi. It drifted from window to window. “We’re fine. Normal, I guess.”

“Brother? Sister?”

“No, no it’s just--... It’s just me.”

Miyagi nodded, watching Johnny's expressions intently. “Encino, yes? Very nice place.”

“Yeah.” He said with a shallow nod, his eyes drifting downward.

“Not nice?”

His eyes lifted, surprise behind his blank expression. “Oh, no it’s nice and all, it’s just--... I dunno, it bugs me when people assume your life is good just because you’ve got money, y’know?”

Miyagi nodded.

“‘Cause I mean, it’s all good stuff: the pool, my car, our house, but--...” His words drifted off.

“But?”

“It’s stuff. That’s all it is. It can’t replace everything else.”

Miyagi paused for a moment as he chose his words. “What missing?”

He sighed sharply in frustration, buying time. “My step-dad--...” The words seemed difficult to say, so much so that it stopped the sentence short.

Miyagi indicated again for him to continue.

“He just--...” His eyes moved along the ground as he thought. “He’s an asshole.”

Miyagi nodded, seeming to understand fully.

“Not just to me either, to my mom, to his employees, to everybody. Guy just likes being mean to people.”

“This reason you go on trip?”

His eyes went up to Miyagi’s again, the shock a bit more obvious this time. “I--... Yeah. He doesn’t want me around anymore, now that I’m… an adult, I guess. I don’t feel like an adult.”

“Know the feeling,” Miyagi said simply before starting off toward the house. 

Johnny watched as he moved away, then sped up to catch him. “You do?” He walked at his side, his gaze now fixed on him.

“Leave home alone too, just fifteen years old.”

“Fifteen? Are you serious? That’s crazy!”

“Hai.” Miyagi swung open the door of his home, holding it as Johnny entered after him. He took a turn, then opened a pine chest full of linens and cushions in plain, warm coloration. They looked inexpensive, but comfortable nonetheless.

Johnny made his own search with him, his eyes moving about the entry room, then he sighed in relief as he didn’t find who he was looking for. While he was distracted, he felt a soft thud as something hit his chest. Miyagi had set a bound bedroll against it. He lifted his arms to take the minimal weight of the thing, but by his expression, it was clear he didn’t know why. “What’s this for?”

“Sleeping.”

“Right, but what do I need it for?”

“Sleeping.” He began setting everything back into the chest, organized properly.

Johnny stared forward in confusion for a few more seconds. “Are you saying I can stay here?”

“Hai.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“What--... With Daniel?”

“Hai... Yes.”

“Don’t you think he’ll have a problem with that?”

“Don’t know.”

Johnny watched, puzzled, as the teacher prepared to brew some tea as if nothing important was going on at all. 

It was only now that the surreal nature of the situation hit Johnny. He was inside Mr. Miyagi’s house, the same place that Daniel was given the weapons he used had against him. And yet, it wasn’t a negative experience -- not entirely, at least. He wasn’t sure what it was about the old man, but even having known him for this short of a time he knew that Mr. Miyagi was different from all the men in his life. He was better. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed to know exactly what he needed to hear, or his almost frustrating brevity, or maybe it was just the fact that he listened. He heard and understood what he was saying without forcing his own biases on his words. He saw his emotions even when he didn’t want to express them. Miyagi listened to him, and it felt good.

Johnny smiled warmly at the thought, but the smile quickly fell as he heard a loud thump behind him, muffled by the wall. Miyagi didn’t look up. He was too busy selecting a box from his tea cabinet.

“You sleep there.” Miyagi gestured with an empty kettle toward just about where that sound rang from: a door on the opposite side of the room. It didn’t exactly match the color or wear of the others, as it seemed it was just put there recently.

“I--... But--...”

“Hm?” Miyagi threw up a brow, looking over at the bewildered blonde only occasionally as he worked.

Johnny couldn’t seem to find the words to any of the questions he wanted to ask, so, with confusion still on his expression, he walked into the door, the bedroll tucked under his arm.

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

#karate kid fanfiction #cobra kai fanfic #lawrusso fanfiction #lawrusso #karate kid pt ii #karate kid au

[rainydaycafe]

Bookstore Bargains: Candid Confessions

Previous chapter!

Summary: Bucky finds himself returning to the bookstore but his past continues to have an iron grip on the fleeting happiness he feels

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Original Female Character

Word Count: 1800 or so

Warnings: None! Unless you're against Bucky Barnes finding happiness and solace in a bookstore worker and literature

Requests are open for this series and any other one shot, blurb, or story you'd like written!

Emilia.

Emilia was her name, turns out.

He had asked for it the week after his first visit, returning to buy more books after burning through the five she had recommended to him, earning himself a grin he found himself willing to do just about anything to obtain again.

She had graduated from Boston University with a major in English literature, putting off graduate school when her aunt asked for her help running the store since she was getting up there in age.

However, as he walked back home with a few new books purchased with the employee discount for the third time in three weeks, he felt the guilt gnawing at him once again.

The same guilt that kept him far away from people, kept him far away enough to not care how they reacted to his past as Hydra’s best assassin because he wasn’t emotionally invested.

But this time it felt multiplied by 10 because he had been so excited, so grateful to find someone kind to speak to, someone calm enough to put him at ease even on his second time meeting her but she had no idea of the crimes he had committed.

The lives he had taken, the families he had demolished.

Sitting on the floor of his living room while a mindless Family Feud episode played, he thought about not telling her at all. Because if he didn’t tell her, well then this could develop into… something, right?

It had been well over 70 years since he had even contemplated becoming something to someone, that something being more than friendly and much more binding with all emotions concerned, but he wanted it.

He wanted to be selfish, dammit.

For once, he wanted to have someone to look forward to seeing, someone who didn’t give him sympathetic eyes when they saw his gloves and knew the truth, someone who wouldn’t give him a double glance when he lost his temper for a second.

He wanted to earn more of the soft blushes she gave him, to know what she was like when she was happy, sad, angry, sleepy, all of it.

It was slightly pathetic, but he felt the need to be the person who knew the other better than anyone else with a connection palpable from an outsider’s perspective. The pull that loneliness brought him was poignant in a situation like this.

There wasn’t any rational explanation for his affection for her, but he was also incredibly tired of questioning just about anything when it came to his life.

Maybe it was her calm demeanor, her pretty green eyes, or just this surreal pull he felt towards her, but he wanted it.

“It” being everything.

The way she could make him laugh and feel so unguarded, talked to him about current events and didn’t bat an eye when he didn’t know the most rudimentary of modern age slang or news.

Though the rational part of his mind told him that a relationship, any sort for that matter, couldn’t be built in the avoidance of 70 years worth of history because lying by omission was still lying.

A bloody, deadly, and dangerous history that he couldn’t find himself selfish enough to not allow her to be privy to.

Sure there was a small portion of himself that told him it would be okay to allow this to develop further if the feelings were mutual without telling her about anything, but he couldn’t bear the thought of having her then losing her because she suddenly finds out.

So he told her.

______________________

He told her that same week on a Thursday when the store was completely empty on an early Thursday morning.

From Steve, to the Howling Commandos, and how the Winter Soldier still felt like the most brutal reality there was on nightmare filled nights he couldn’t find solace within a bed and opted for having the stability of a floor beneath him

He felt like a small toddler following her around, telling her everything as she adjusted books here and there, nodding at the right times and maintaining eye contact when his voice shook enough to make him clear his throat in search of a pause.

Though there wasn’t a look of disgust as he told her about the pardon he had received with the help of Sam, instead she just gave him a soft smile.

“Okay,” Emilia told him, “Your past doesn’t define you, James. You are a victim, but that’s not all you are. You’re an entire person with an entire personality to develop, but that doesn’t change things with us, you’re still great to have around.

The relief on his face was so prominent she felt her eyes tear up a bit and she couldn’t help herself from pulling him into a tight hug, feeling him wrap his arms around her without hesitation holding on for dear life.

People didn’t touch Bucky like that.

In an intimate, meaningful way that made him feel warm inside.

Sure there were random pats on the back from Sam, small touches here and there but nothing where someone wanted to outright touch him and went out of their way to do it in a moment where he needed comfort.

Pulling away, he wouldn’t meet her eyes but she let him have his space until he spoke again.

“I couldn’t avoid telling you before this became-” He cut himself off with a nervous laugh, “Not that this will become something but I couldn’t withhold… truth from you.”

The happiness on her face was evident alongside the blush, and she felt her heart swell for this stranger who had popped into her bookstore out of the blue not too long ago and swept her off of her feet without knowing.

“Thank you for trusting me, James.”

Bucky nodded and found himself smiling despite the weight of the words he had spoken still hanging around him, “You’re kind of stuck with me at this point, I really like it here.” He told her as he leaned on the shelf behind him in a casual admittance of his attachment to her.

Emilia laughed and nodded, “You’re stuck with me too, I’m imprinting on you like a doe.” Which earned a laugh from Bucky who felt his own cheeks flush in a way he managed to hide as he feigned interest in the bookshelf behind Emilia, the energy between them nearly visible.

__________

Emilia had made him promise to come back the following day, presenting him with a small rectangular item with a proud grin painting her features from behind the counter.

“It’s my old iPod,” She explained, “I got you new earphones, but I downloaded a lot of music onto it so you can enjoy what we  the youth call: music.”

Taking the small item in his hands, he noticed his gloves seemed so gross against it.

With a small amount of hesitation, he set down the iPod and began plucking at each of the gloved fingers until he pulled out his flesh hand followed by his metal one from the other one.

Glancing at her hesitantly, he saw as she looked at the black and gold hand but it wasn’t with disgust or discomfort, but more of awe.

“Can I touch it?” Emilia asked, hoping she wasn’t overstepping and instead was letting him know that she wasn’t uncomfortable with the arm.

Bucky’s face showed surprise, and he froze for half a second before he nodded and gently reached over the counter where she gently touched his arm as though she were afraid of hurting him rather than the other way around.

The metal was cool and smooth, sleek and meant for everyday use as well as in battle which should be as attractive as she found it.

Looking up at Bucky as she pulled on the fingers, she admitted she found just about everything about him attractive, but that wasn’t the moment to go about thinking about such things.

From his steel blue eyes, strong jawline dusted with just the slightest bit of stubble, and good Lord his broad shoulders and well worked physique really did it for her. But while he was physically very attractive, his personality was also to die for.

She had been a goner from the moment she had seen him come into the store and ask for her opinions. The way he was opening up, bringing out his personality where he was so funny and genuine, and allowed himself to be just the slightest bit sarcastic.

Her thing for him was becoming more and more prevalent every time she saw or even just thought about him, and her face felt warm as they made eye contact while she was holding what he felt was the most vulnerable part of him.

“I think your arm is cool.” She informed him as she let it go and he picked up the iPod again with a grin on his face.

Pushing herself onto the counter so she was able to look down and help him navigate, she watched as he scrolled through the artists with a nod because there were hundreds and hundreds.

“Which album do you recommend I listen to first?” Bucky asked and Emilia set herself back down on the floor with a pondering expression.

Rounding the counter, she stood next to him as he scrolled through the artists again and stopped him at the C’s.

Handing it over to her, he leaned over her shoulder as she clicked through the center dial and landed on Coldplay and went to their first album, Parachutes before she realized how close he was.

Close enough to where she could smell his rich cologne and a scent that can only ever belong to him.

Moving away as she felt her heart pound in her chest, she turned and handed it back to him, “I think you should listen to Coldplay’s entire discography, but Parachutes is a good way to start.” She informed him and Bucky nodded with a smile.

“Anything else?” He asked as he placed it in his pocket and she thought again before she shook her head and went back around the counter.

“No sir,” She said, “Just listen to what you feel inclined to listen to. There are plenty to pick from.”

Bucky nodded, telling her he had to go to therapy but that he would give her a full report regarding what he listened to the next time he saw her.

Stepping out onto the sidewalk outside of the bookstore, Bucky took in a deep breath of crisp late October air and felt it really reach the bottom of his lungs, an extra pep in his step as he put in the earphones and figured out how to play it.

Dr. Raynor was certainly going to have some questions regarding his positive mood, but he would deal with that just fine.

A/N: How do we feel about Bucky's characterization here? I hope we feel swell.

As always, my requests are open so send away because I'm on summer break and in dire need of some entertainment!

Much love.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes fluff #buckydeserveslove #tequierobucky #winter solider #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes one shot #james buchanan barnes #marvel #marvel fic

[poison--ivory]

Haikyuu!! Virus Au(Random/Reader) Part 2

        Warning: Blood, gore, subtle mention of character death

                 Virus au! Part 1

                                     Tendou felt like absolute shit. 

His feet dragged across the school’s now dirty floor. A bright orange and purplish hue crystalized the walls nearly blinding his field of vision. Warm wind blew in between the nailed up boards. The glass broke a while ago from an incident a few days back involving a second year jumping from the third floor hallway. 

Ever since the outbreak his attitude regressed back to his childhood demeanor. He puts on an act for the rest of the team’s first years. But, distancing himself emotionally from the rest of the team. Ushijima could read him like a book on some days, but Semi and Reon could tell exactly what was going on in his head with each fake smile. 

The school went on lockdown a while back. Whoever was in the school stayed in the school. Which in turn left a lot of students stuck within the walls of the private school. The volleyball team stayed overtime that day and so did some other students that didn’t want to go home early and stayed cooped up in their dorm rooms. 

At the time we didn’t know about the disease. The only indication of the world changing were the warning sirens that Japan uses for missiles firing. So, we all thought another bombing was going to happen in Japan.

Coach Washijo was called down to the teachers lounge and before he went gave Ushijima instructions and a key to the bunker of the school. It wasn’t until much later that they rounded up all the students into the gymnasium. As we were guided to the gym, Tendou took quick notice of the boarded up gate. What used to be the plain metal bar gate was now being boarded up with planks of plywood.

What was even stranger was the bleak silence. Not a single sound came to Tendou ears, usually the noise of birds singing and cars driving nearby would be heard. He just chalked it up to the sirens blaring that silenced the animals and most people would already be inside if the warning sirens went off.

As we were piled in the gym our principal stood on the stage, his intense gaze loomed down over all of us. Some of the teachers were already on break until April and most stayed behind for the time being in preparation for the next year. The ones that did stay were only a few, most of them being the honors class teachers and the exception of Coach Washijo.

If Tendou didn’t already feel anxious he did now. He remembered the air getting thicker and the slow realization of his paradise falling further from his fingertips.

The door to the class 3-2 opened and a brown haired girl slumped out the doorway, her hair a matted mess and her clothes at this point are just rags. Her crestfallen face was something to be depressed about. She slumped off down the hall, leisurely being drawn over by the darkness. The next person to come out was a breath of fresh air. Goshiki popped his head out into the hallway and gave Tendou a small smile, before ushering him in. The faint smell of medical supplies and the musky smell of the half washed invaded his nasal passage.

Dread filled his body as he noticed how many of his old schoolmates layed stiff and sickly on the makeshift beds. Desks were pushed together to make new beds once the nurse's beds in the clinic ran out. He could make out some familiar faces here and there, faces all a little pale and dark under the eyes. However, some of them on closer examination had sunken in cheeks, greyish skin and a strong pungent odor emanating from specific bodies he passed. 

Stopping in his tracks Tendou glanced down at the dark haired ginger. Dark brown eyes soulless starred as they gazed at the white ceiling. Chunks of hair fell off in clumps littering the floor with red splotches and slowly gathering pools of blood underneath the lumps of torn flesh. Flies quickly gathered on the discarded meat. A brave soul walked over and tossed the lumps into a garbage bag and quickly moved on to do the same to other large heaps that lay slumped on the floor.

Tendou groaned and pulled the mask that laid on his chest up to his face, the smell only dimmed it. It was still present but not as bad now. Goshiki led him deeper into the classroom, the smell seemed to grow fainter with each step. 

Tendou knew what he was going to see however he brushed it off as he took another glance around the room. His eyes watered, the smell really is getting to him.

Goshiki slid the curtain open to reveal a certain third year student. “We’re here, Tendou. Please, don’t make too much noise, we just got him to calm down. He’s been convulsing since last night and we finally managed to tranquilize him.” 

“Tranquilize?” He questioned.

Goshiki nodded, “We had to. He bit two of the people we had come to give him medicine and he just kept screaming and kicking people.”

“Wakatoshi didn’t tell me that.”

“Coach told us not to bother you with this. That you didn’t need to be affected any further, he’s been worried about you Tendou.”

“He doesn't need to be. I’m fine.”

Goshiki gave a brisk nod back and walked out of sight. Taking his seat he stared down at the young man.

The body of Semi, Eita laid on his back. His once lively eyes are now cast over by a grey screen, kind of like a dead fish. 

He would like to think that maybe it was his fault Semi got hurt, but no he can’t really blame himself. Semi and him both decide to split up to repair the school wall. While he worked on the wreck Semi jumped on the car and over the wall. Him and a few other students pulled on the hunk of metal as Tendou and a few others pushed the car out. Apparently there was a survivor underneath the car and Semi with another student tried pulling him out. He didn’t know what happened afterward, all he heard were the others rushing Semi back over the gate.

“Hey, there Semisemi.” He tried to make a smile pull at the corner of his lips, but failed. “I really hope you’re getting better.” 

No answer.

Tendou put a shaking hand down on top of the old pinch server’s chest. The steady heartbeat of Eita softly battered against his palm.

Thump

Thump

Thump

 “I don’t know what to say. . .sorry I was never great at vocalizing my emotions.” The sunken cheeks of his friend looked surreal and Semi’s shallow breathing made him feel anxious. Dried lips, chapped from hours without moisture. “You're really green in the face, Semisemi. Did you eat today? I’m pretty sure I have some umaibo in my dorm room. It's probably stale, but still sort of edible.” 

Thump

Thump

Thump

“Maybe when all of this is over we can all go to a karaoke room together, play a couple rounds of volleyball like old times sake.” Tendou started to spout about all the good times they had together. The weeks before felt like a lifetime. He’s seen students go mad over the isolation, grow depressed from the loss of loved ones and everything in between. 

Thump

Thump

Thump

His mind aimlessly wondered to his family. His mother is probably the only family member he cares about. His father left them at a very young age. Tendou’s mom never spoke ill of the man even when she heard he was getting remarried last year. She’s a kind soul, and Tendou could clearly tell he didn’t inherit his mother’s benevolence. The patience she had could rival that of a Siberian tiger.

Soft moaning came from the bed ridden teen. Tendou’s heart skipped a beat and a soft grin formed on his lips. Low gurgles sounded from the back of his throat and Tendou panicked. He quickly moved Semi over onto his side and swiftly scooted his body away from the bile escaping his mouth. Coating the floor in a thick black paste.

. . . 

. . .

. . .

Something is very wrong.

Why is his vomit black? And when did his heart stop beating? It was fine earlier and Semi was just breathing pretty average. So, why is he still breathing if his heart stopped?

Before Tendou could yell for help, his body was violently yanked. Semi’s once feeble hand was now forcibly dragging Satori. He was pulled towards the bed and in a blur of fight or flight he chose to flee. Tendou maneuvered his right arm behind himself to grab a hold of Semi’s hand. It was cold and felt like plastic. He tried to wrestle Semi’s strong grasp off his shoulder yet to no avail couldn’t free himself. He wiggled back and forth, even placing his feet on Semi’s chest and was able to give some distance between one another. However, it was short lived as the being that used to be Semi seemed to gain a small power boost and was able to dig his fingers into Tendou’s jacket. Tendou thrusted his right leg out and pressed it against the wall. A loud thwack resonated in the classroom as he fell against the hard tile floor.

Steamy expiration landed near his neck, the smell just alone made him gag. Tears built up in his eyes and before he knew it his old friend’s mouth fell open. He’s gonna kill me.

Tendou’s mind went into a flurry of rushed thoughts. He could just feel the piercing of his flesh being torn open. Out of instinct he swung his arm back and his elbow made contact with a solid object. Semi fell off him again, his body sliding across the ground, and tearing down the heavyweight curtain.

Students slowly walked towards the disturbance happening in the back. Three students seized Semi and pinned him on his stomach before lifting him up forcibly dragging him out the room. Some of the others asked Tendou if he was alright, but all Tendou could do was stare in fixation at Semi’s now pink eyes.

#tendou x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu au #Haikyuu zombie au #virus au #tendou pov