#it's 7am and i cant fucking sLEEP

[suntails]

do you deserve to be loved?

#*smashes thru the wall like the kool aid man* im fucking back #we're so back. it's joever. i'm screeching into the sun i'm ILL i fucking sobbed last night i cried during work #i sat and drew during my lunch i finished the lore drop at 7am and didnt sleep and drew until work started at 9 #i. um. i dont even know where to start for making shit. i feel adrift i feel lost in the sauce of misery #the way he screamed at his baby self that he didnt deserve to cry. that he didnt deserve to be loved. im fucking ILL #ive talked before abt his bad relationship w his own mortality but ngl i REALLY underestimated how deep this ran...esp w the new dad knowle #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #silver vanrouge #ch7 spoilers #book 7 spoilers #he got a new rigged expression!!! all the new animations!!!!!! as a rig animator by trade i was v impressed and pleased #silver nation. fuck every other book like im sorry this one wins u cant deny it #suntails

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

[databent]

[pained wailing emoji]

#.pdf #rd #THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE #i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out #every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️ #im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much #my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24 #(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so) #and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work #and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only #time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive #i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really #work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all #so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol #ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse #idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would- #-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs. #i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..

[sometimes-dinosaurs-are-gay]

A technique I've enjoyed since highschool is what I call greebling. When I draw with sharpies, it bleeds through my page. I love outlining and emphasizing the imperfections in my mark making and the paper. I sometimes do this with paint smears too. A palette knife on acrylic works best for that imo.

First drawing:

Second drawing (greebling on the reverse):

#greebling #drawing #art #doodle #sketch #its almost 7am and i havent slept #fuck it if you want a drawing like this ill fucking do it for you if you pay me #i need a fucking job man #i just fucking need a job #im so tired but i cant sleep

[achilleslyre]

the way that akis death too is just…….. in the group of names being listed for the deaths from gun devil is such a different kind of pain…. it’s just so. unrecognized. unimportant….. he’s just another name killed by the gun devil (just like his family). i can’t stop thinking about him………

#he was killed the same way his family was #he is just another guy thats killed by gun devil #its just so UGH #everything is so painful #its 7am i havent been able to sleep even 🧍🧍 #and the snowball fight is just his soul spirit w/e u lile to call it trying to get back to his family bc gun devil took his body………… #and denji just disappearing from the snowball fight when. gun fiend is killed bc his body is being released #and he gets to have what hes been aching for which js to return to his family…… #im still so sosoo flooded with thoughts right now i #cant even word my agony #idek if i’m making sense but. fuck #aki….. #just. the fucking snowball fight man…….. #csm spoilers #csm

[journal-3]

i swear to god im at my fucking limit

#cant fucking sleep and intrusive thoughts are bad again #its 7am!!! #FUCKKKKK!!! #CLAWS MY EYES OUT #i swear to god im going to start ripping out my hair

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. the thing abt when my mood is like normal: the 0cd lets up a bit and i just become less anxious in general. which means im not doing #insane things to get shit done and for thr life of me i cant fucking focus. like normally on Mondays i get up at a fucking insane time and #get into the lab by 7am and then im suck there til 5pm #but today i reset my alarm for 45min later and then didnt actually get out of bed until like 8.30. that is fucking insane for me #like bro u have an exam in a week that u arent even a lil ready for. u have a paper discussion tomorrow. u have to meet ur old advisor this #week. we have shit to do. y tf r u just laying there??? this is y i cant find a balance between work and not work. bc i cant get things done #if i dont do things in a way that fucking unsustainable. and my therapist would b like: is that true or is it just something ur telling #yourself. and im like u raise a valid point but like it happens every time and im like not doing things. things r not happening #so like wtf am i supposed to do? i dunno its just frustrating and i wanna sleep but i should study #its only 8.30 why so eepy? #unrelated

[silvermahogany]

Im sso fucking drained bro i havent been able to wake or get up before 2pm any day this week how the helllll am i gonna get up at 5am for work tomorrow i hate being employedddd

#WHY did i apply for a job in the next town over that clocks in at 7am #when i dont have a fucking car or any reasonable public transportation to get there #i cant eat in the morning without getting nauseous so i just nibble on a breakfast bar while i walk #and obviously thats not enough for five hours of physical labour on minimal sleep #why couldnt that shitass clarks in the nearby shopping center accept me man come ONN #IT WOULDVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER PLEASEE #how the hell am i gonna work full time in the future when im struggling with 5 hours a week on a saturday morning 😭 #can someone just paypal me 5000 a month for nothing thanks

[tchaikovskym]

Man this day sucked balls

#i had to get up at 5:45am #that was the first worst sign #it was well until i went home for my zoom lesson #since i was like the main coordinator for one big event which had multiple small events #my boss called me and was like hey where is the portable ultrasound for the event #and she found it but the charger was missing #so i asked people responsible for the smaller events who used that ultrasound if they know anything and they were like nope #and one even managed to throw shade on me bc it has been like 2 weeks since the event #after my zoom lesson i cried abt that stupid charger #but i was like hold up i have 20 minutes only to cry bc i have my next lesson in person and i have to go #and then i went and i managed to forget abt that stupid lost charger #and i was like yay i will learn python #and then i did learn the basics and then it started to get complicated and i was lost and then our task was like #hell #and then i tried to make something at least of my task. to like define functions and stuff #and it wasnt possible #and then our teacher kind of wrote the script for the 1st part of the assignment #and i was like okay #and i tried it and the int thing didnt work it was like no you cant put it there where your teacher put it #and i was like fuck then #i just learned how to write a if else and now i have to make two different triangle area scripts baded on input and so that it would work #for non existing triangles #and like what does it mean a triangle with 4 3 and 9 as edge lengths #what do you want from me? an error output? triangle does not exist? what? #either way im fucked #i have to wake up just as early tomorrow #and i have to do a lecture for schoolkids on saturday and my ppt is not finished #and its not like ill have time tomorrow bc i work from 7am to 9pm bc im maybe a masochist #which means even less sleep #i think i have so much going on i want to just. scream.

[sp00ky-scary]

hearing ppl talk about how you need to separate like you living/working and sleeping spaces is all whatever until you live in one room and suddenly you understand

#ive always had difficulty sleeping however since moving into uni accomodation i genuinely think ive developed insomnia and idk what to do #i cook eat sleep study draw in one room and sometimes will be in here for up to 3 days straight #its driving me insane and half the time idek what time it is #i have class tomorrow at 9am so ive gotta be up at 7am #its currently 3am and i cant fucking sleep

[toastsnaffler]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule #im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep #and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it #drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3 #bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and- #b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant #by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long #i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes #just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to- #go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway #and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao #whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway #ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man #i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-( #im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people- #seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This. #i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in.. #like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still #it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED #UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383 #.diaries #.vent

[femme-malewife]

I could be finishing a 25 minute youtube video I started 6 hours ago.

But I’m just flipping through all of my laptop tabs as if a notification will pop up when I change them

#and trying not to vomit #i need to sleep actually. bc i have to wake up REALLY early for a neurologist appointment #like mf 7am early #yeah yah yeah ik a lot of you wake up earlier than that #i fucking suck at waking up early ok?? like my normal wake up time is 10am #unless i have work. i get up at 9 - 9:30 #even if i sleep early i cannot wake up early. it makes me sluggish and slow and i cannot function #but anyway #i vomited a lot earlier and im still really queasy so im just sucking on stomach medicine sitting in my bed #waiting for the feeling to tide over #cuz i cant sleep when im nauseous

[grimmthorne]

not trying to go back to sad posting but genuinely im so tired of trying to live up to my stepdads expectations when he never even communicates them

#im so tired. im so tired of trying to be good. #i just want to be left alone when im home #im out from 7am to sometimes 8 to 10pm. im fucking tired. #when i come home i dont want to be here i just need to eat and bathe and sleep #i want to occupy my own space but i have no reason to be in the living room or kitchen beyond just eating dinner #i cant drive away from my problems but i sure can avoid being home most of tge day and thats what ive been doing #if im not home im fine. or im better than i am at home #i need my stspdad to leave not evwn because i can finally have people over #i need him to leave so that i can catch my breath and relax my shoulders #and i can stop gritting my teeth and syaring at tge table eveey night at dinner i need him to leave so bad #i need to breathe i need to fucking breathe

[mrfoox]

Hi I am having an panic attack about starting my courses tomorrow and I cant stop cryun

#miranda talking shit #negative #I think it becomes worse bc i finished an emotional video game AND its a week before my period and i am always super sensitive tjis time #Im scared haha... Not just of the whole going there and scary new place but also like... If i cant handle it #Bc i have been there plenty of times before and it sucks out everything from me and i barely have anything to begin with #I dont want to go back to... Putting all little energy i have into keeping up my studies and then neglect everything else bc i dont have #Any energy left for anything else. I dont want to get there again i dont think i can handle that mentally #My btiaj is in complete disaster mode now and is tuinking about all the wrong and bad things that can happen #I need to get up at 7am so i need to sleep its already after 12 now #But holy fuck im just crying haha... #I forget how paper thin my mentality is bc ive been 'stable' bc of antidepressants. I used to cry every day #From age 8-19 and now since im kinda... Comfortable situation wise i barely cry weekly unless i see or listen to something emotional #Fuck just any school like environments are so mentally taxing on me i wish i wasnt this weak #Negative

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part two | part one | part three | part four

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - mentions of underage drinking, throwing up, swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)

word count - 1k+

-

my eyes slowly open and i instantly feel pain in my eyes, head and stomach. the events of last night slowly coming back to me and i cant believe i let myself go that far.

i dont event remember getting drunk, one second i was in the party half sober and the next im throwing up and blacking out on the middle of the road.

i rub my eyes and look around my room only to find im not in my room. turning my head to the right i see a shirtless, sleeping chris next to me, i remember him taking me home and taking care of me and-

holy fuck

i fucked up bad

he saw me naked

actually naked

fuck.

i shoot up to sit up and grab the water bottle off the nightstand next to the bed and the second it hits my mouth i begin to salivate.

i rush out of the bed and run around to find the bathroom as i had never been to his house before. i finally find it after what feels like forever and lock myself in there and flip the toilet seat up.

hunching over the toilet and instantly throwing up.

i finally finish and just sit on the bathroom floor thinking about last night.

chris is either going to act like nothing happened or never let me forget about it.

knock, knock

“y/n?” i hear matts voice.

i get up flushing the toilet and swishing water in my mouth. i unlock the bathroom door and im greeted with matt standing outside of it.

“hi so sorry about that” i say giving an awkward smile and pointing at the toilet.

“oh my god no dont even worry about it” matt says. “just wanted to make sure you were ok”

“oh thank you, yes im good now. i just have a pounding headache but im gonna call my mom or anna to come get me so dont even worry about looking after me again.” i say.

“no no dont worry about it also its 7am so just go back to bed and by the time you wake up your clothes will be out of the dryer.” matt says.

“my clothes?” i say shocked.

“yeah i hope thats ok, chris just put them in the wash after you changed out of them since they were covered in vomit.”

“oh right” i say mentally writing ‘everything shower’ in my mental checklist for today.

“well thank you and honestly i do need more sleep.” i say brushing past him.

“no problem, sleep well”

i walk back in to chris’ room and quietly shut the door snd crawl back into bed. apparently not quiet enough because when i turn to face his back i was greeted with him laying face up starring at me.

“sorry” i say

“its ok” he says, fuck his morning voice is hot.

“what time is it?”

“matt just told me it was 7am, i hope its ok if i go back to bed for a bit.” i say quietly

“mhm” he groans turning to lay on his stomach and nuzzling his head into his pillows. i just admire his back and arms as the blanket hangs just below waist length.

i get comfortable under the sheets turning to lay on my stomach and turning my head to the left.

i close my eyes for a few minutes before feeling chris’ arm snake around my waist. my eyes shoot open and i dont know what to do.

i hear him slightly snoring so it wasn’t a conscious decision but part of me wished it was.

i decided to just let it happen and slowly drifted off to sleep.

-

i wake up to an empty side of the bed and the sound of chris walking back into his room fresh out of the shower with sweats and a black shirt on.

he walks over to his desk and sits down on his gaming chair unlocking his phone.

i push my self up and go to grab my phone and i notice 2 advils and a fresh water bottle sitting on his nightstand. “for me” i say quietly.

“oh shit” he says jumping. “yes for you” he says while doing a hand gesture.

“sorry” i say rubbing my eyes.

i take the advil and chug down half the bottle of water.

“how bad was i?” i question

“honestly not bad at all, you just really scared everyone since you just passed out without warning in the middle of the road.”

i internally pat myself on the back for not acting up.

“yeah im really sorry you had to take care of me last night. wont happen again, im so embarrassed.” i chuckle nervously.

“actually now that you mention it you kept calling me an asshole and were saying i never apologized.” he says making my face go red. “thats strange” i say nervously. “well i was drunk who knows what i was saying.”

“it happens to the best of us dont sweat it kid.” he says getting up and walking over to his bed sitting on the end of it “plus i know you would do the same for me” he says giving me a warm smile. “im gonna go get your laundry and take you home. i bet you want to take a shower really bad.” he says smiling.

“ok” i nod

-

i get to my house and finally have a moment to myself to really think about last night. not to mention he let me leave wearing his clothes.

i showered as soon as i got home and the entire time i couldn’t stop thinking about how he so casually just got me dressed and ready for bed.

everything with him was strictly platonic but of course, i wished it were more.

last night gave me a taste of what i wanted, and boy was i starving.

i wasn’t only physically attracted to chris, he was one of my closest friends. i cared for him immensely and he did for me too, why else would he have brought me home last night. a normal person would have brought me to my own house and let me get in trouble alone.

he was sweet, knowledgeable, kind, and caring. he was also attentive and always remembered little things about me that i told him.

for example i remember i told him my favourite candy want jolly ranchers gummys once and when i showed up to his halloween party he had a bowl of jolly rancher gummys set on the dining table labeled ‘y/ns treat’.

i always enjoyed talking to him and loved our friendship. i just hope last night didnt change anything between us.

-

thanks for reading!!

@blahbel668 here you go!

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo edit #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do? #me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care #but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour #away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from #sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont #care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it #manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean #i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking #measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her #new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted #ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning #for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering #and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself #amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads #god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im #putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do #so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u #productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh #look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment #whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh #but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see #uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs #unrelated