#it's a few minutes past morn but wth i feel like saying it

[shinydelirium]

Kiro’s 2021 Childhood Bday  R&S Translation [CN]

***THIS POST CONTAINS CONTENT THAT HAS NOT BEEN RELEASED YET ON EN SERVER!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS***

This is a translation from Kiro’s 2021 childhood birthday story released on CN server. I do not know any Chinese so this was done through Google Translate. I apologize for any errors or mistranslations. Without further ado, please continue on reading!!! :) 

***WARNING: ANGST!!! THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE A HAPPY DAY FOR KIRO!!! FIRST IT WAS S2 CH12 AND NOW THIS!?!?! WTH, PAPERGAMES!?!?!***

[Chapter 1]: Child Star’s Birthday

7:50 am California

After Kiro ran to the classroom and sat down, he laid his head directly on the table. “You can sleep for another ten minutes.” He whispered to himself in his heart.

He is too sleepy.

Ten hours ago, he finished the last set of filming, returned from the studio to the house the company set up for him in California, and then caught up on all the missing courses and homework. It was already 3 o’clock in the morning.

As if on cue, his stomach growled and Kiro lay helplessly on the table.  

Since his debut, he has become more or less accustomed to the professionalism of being a “star” but at this time his stomach seems to be persistently singing against him. Kiro hesitated for a moment and then opened a pack of soda five minutes later.

Sweetness hits the tip of his tongue and brings a sense of satisfaction to his brain. He finally breathed a sigh of relief, put on his headphones and closed his eyes.  

This is the first time in a while he has taken a break in the past few days.  

Kiro took a deep breath quietly and buried his face deeper into his arms.

But he could still feel the gazes around him looking at him and the innocent discussions. Even the moment he walked into the classroom and sat down, the air was still for half a second.

He doesn’t like this kind of “special treatment” nor does he like how he is always affected by it.

Over the years, he thought that he should be used to being watched constantly, and perhaps he had to bear the pressure from other peers. But sure enough, in fact, there are still many times that he will be a little breathless.  

Like now.  

As a child star, there were two to three days a week that he where he would be absent from school. For Kiro, his classmates are indeed some distance away. Because of his repeated absence, the- so-called disparity was expected.  

The reasons are not so complicated in the eyes of the children. At this age, the feeling of distance is often more sensitive than adults.  

He also wants to try his best to build a good relationship with them. After all, having friends is a very happy thing.  

As if he had finally made up his mind, Kiro took a deep breath, smoothed down messy hair, and raised his smiling face along with his shining blue eyes.

“Good morning, everyone, long time no see!” No one could possibly refuse such a warm and sincere greeting, let alone Kiro.  

Even though some shy classmates nodded their heads and smiled with furtive gazes, the greeting initiated by Kiro still received many responses. Soon, a small circle formed around him. Everyone scrambled to ask which crew he went to during the period of “his absence”, which big star he saw, and what new information he gathered.

Suddenly, a boy with curly hair, leaned in and patted Kiro on the shoulder with great enthusiasm.

“Kiro! Happy birthday!”

As his high voice rang out, the children who got together cheered in unison.  

“They are all embarrassed to come and tell you, so I said it! Happy birthday, future star.”

Kiro was taken aback.

“Thank you.”

Almost a subconscious reply.

But in that small world that only belonged to Kiro, another voice sounded different from what he was doing at this time.

“So, today is my birthday.”

[Chapter 2]: A Heart to Live Up To

“Kiro, great, you haven’t left yet!”  

The lingering sound of the bell was still echoing. Kiro had just cleaned up and wanted to seize the rare free time to make up for a good night’s sleep, when he was suddenly stopped by the instructor who had rushed over. He excitedly grabbed Kiro’s hands, looking very surprised.

“Teacher, are you looking for me?”

“Yeah....” The teacher didn’t seem to know how to begin. Kiro responded sensibly, leading the question back at the end of the dialogue.

“If there is anything I need to do, you can just say it directly.”

After hearing this, the teacher nodded in relief, as if he had waited for a long time and quickly told the whole story.  

Kiro understood what was going on.  

It turned out that there was a very important violin competition for high school students today and the classmate of the classical music department who represented the school had a temporary accident and was unable to participate. He wanted Kiro to help fill in.

“...Okay, I will try my best. Thank you, teacher, for believing in me.”

Even though he was tired, he did not refuse this sudden request.

It’s not that he isn’t interested in the competition, nor is he absolutely confident in his skills, it’s just...

He hopes that he is perfect enough in the eyes of the teacher.

After all, at this critical time, the teacher thought of him and believed in him, and he must not fail this trust.

Thinking about this, Kiro clenched his teeth, swallowed a yawn that was ready to come out, and forced himself to wake up. After the teacher went back to the residence to fetch his violin, he hurried to the scene of the competition.

The site was set up in the observation deck of a building and under the transparent glass plank pathway, it is a panoramic view of the entire city.  

At the time of arrival, many contestants were already busy making preparations. Kiro’s appearance undoubtedly caused quite a stir. The teacher proudly met the gazes and protected Kiro through the crowd to their waiting area.

Kiro quickly entered the waiting area. He opened the violin bag, skillfully tightened the bow, wiped the rosin, set the violin on his shoulder, and tuned the pegs carefully and intently.  

Now that he is here, he must do his best. He cheered himself up and walked in the direction where he was ready to take the stage.

“Don’t worry, he is a little star. Even if he doesn’t do well, he has publicity and won’t make the school lose too badly.”

The voice in the corner made Kiro stop.

He didn’t listen. It seemed that there was another voice arguing with him, but that was not important. Kiro just returned to the waiting area quietly, waiting for the announcement from the competition organizer. He just lowered his head and stood there quietly.

At this time a man came over. He patted Kiro’s shoulder lightly and said mysteriously.

“Kiro, this is the first time we’ve met. I am a teacher in the classical music department.” He lowered his voice, “Actually, I don’t really like the format of music competitions. Music should be something to enjoy and convey emotions, not some sort of boring game. So don’t think of it as a competition, but as a special show. I’m looking forward to hearing the music you play. I heard that you play the violin very well. This is the first time I will hear your music.

After that, he mischievously gave Kiro a big pat on the back. *Took some liberties here with the translation*  

Kiro stared at this somewhat holistic man and did not speak for a long time. A similar and familiar feeling came out of him.  

The broadcast system called Kiro’s name.

“Don’t think about anything, just let the world hear your voice.”

[Chapter 3]: Happy Birthday Song

The competition ended smoothly.

Kiro didn’t remember the process of his performance. He only remembered the way the classical music department teacher exaggeratedly raised his hands to applaud him when he left the competition. His eyes were full of real and undisguised recognition and praise.

At the end of the competition, he politely declined the kindness of the teachers and left alone.  

The California coast is like spring all year round and the fresh air is filled with a faint smell of saltwater. Kiro walked, suddenly a little at a loss.  

For a moment he didn’t know where he should go or where he could go. He just carried his violin bag and walked alone on the streets of California aimlessly.  

Until he passed by a family restaurant.

Such restaurants are very common in California. People choose outdoor dining areas to enjoy their food with nature.

As far as Kiro’s line of sight could see, a family sat around the table warmly. There are grandparents, parents, and even uncles and aunts. And the main star of this family banquet is obviously the little girl sitting in the middle wearing a birthday hat.

She sat happily in the center, closing her eyes in front of a huge cake.  

Everyone’s face was filled with the look of joy as they watched her patiently and earnestly. No one interrupted the most solemn “ceremony” at this time.  

The little girl closed her eyes for a long, long time. Maybe she had a lot of wishes that she wants to come true or maybe she is carefully telling some wish that she wants to come true the most.  

After all, in the eyes of a child, the more important the wish, the more carefully it will be heard and realized.  

Kiro stood there and looked at the little girl’s face quietly. He didn’t know what he was feeling right now. It seemed that something he wanted to show was turning upwards along his heart, as if he would shed tears in the next second.  

He just stood there silently, watching her finally make her wish, blowing out the candles while her family sang “happy birthday.” Grabbing the balloons in her hand, the girl ran around in the open space, spinning her little skirt.  

Then she saw Kiro and ran towards him happily without knowing what she was thinking.

“Prince!” She waved her little hand at Kiro and said loudly. Kiro was stunned. The little girl ran up to him and raised her head, “His Royal Highness, are you here to wish me a happy birthday, too?”

Kiro thought for a while, crouched down and touched the little girl’s head, “Although I am not a prince, I wish you a happy birthday!”

The little girl didn’t seem to understand what he meant. She carefully picked out a yellow one from her balloon stash and gave it to Kiro.  

“Thank you for wishing me happiness, and I wish you happiness too. This is for you.”

The little girl happily ran back to her seat after speaking with him and the whole family nodded politely to him, seeming to express gratitude.  

Kiro looked at the yellow balloon in his hand and walked away slowly.

He was walking on the road, the sun a little dazzling, the balloon floating gently while he hummed quietly.

“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me~”

At this time, his phone chimed, alerting him to an email.

[Chapter 4]: Special Birthday Gift

It is an email from KEY.

Since he came to the United States, KEY has always liked to use this “fun” way to keep in touch with him in addition to the phone.

Kiro sat on the roadside steps, “If my agent sees me like this, he will definitely be angry.”

Kiro thought about it leisurely but didn’t have any plans to get up.

“Today is my birthday, so I call the shots!” *Took some liberties here*

First, he simply replied to the fan messages wishing him a happy birthday on social media and then concentrated on deciphering KEY’s information. It is a very interesting little program. The code attached to the email can be directly written to change the content of the email.  

Kiro has always been happy with this special design. Under his operation, the information was quickly decoded.

“The place where you stay most often.”

Kiro read it out gently, and there was a pair of combined numbers at the same time.  

He raised his head, as if thinking of something.

The dance studio was deserted at this time.

This was the exclusive training room given to him by the company. Kiro took out the key and walked in gently in the same way as he had been in class.  

This is a special place for him.

The sun in the afternoon was particularly brilliant, flowing into the entire classroom through the floor-to-ceiling windows, which looked clean and sparkling. Kiro stood in front of a small cabinet in the dance studio.

He felt like an ordinary child at this moment, being guided to find the answer in the way he was most interested in. He was a little happy when he thought of this.  

Kiro cautiously opened the cabinet and found a box inside. He took it out, and after opening it, it turned out to be an exquisite violin.

The little violin along with the sunlight filtering down onto the light brown amber, reflected in his eyes, as if it was shining.

At this time, the second email came. It was simple and there was no need for decoding.

“Happy birthday.” He seemed to hear KEY saying this to him.

Kiro couldn’t help thinking, when did KEY hide it here?

As if responding to his question, footsteps came from outside the door. Kiro’s heart beat a little fast, and he suddenly wondered if there would be another gift.

He opened the door in surprise, and an unceremonious man greeted him.

The man didn’t even take off his shoes. The exquisite black leather shoes stepped on the smooth floor, looking particularly dazzling.

Kiro felt his fingertips instantly chill, and he clenched his hands hard to keep his body from shaking.

“I really don’t know why I’m responsible for this kid.” The man gave him a look of disgust, “I won’t talk too much nonsense with you.”

“The higher ups are very dissatisfied with you.” Each word struck Kiro’s heart, “Don’t forget why you want to become a star.”

“In one month’s time,” he threw a document on the ground, “Finish it.”

“I don’t know what you have to look forward to.” The man walked in front of him to the center of the floor. Kiro lowered his head, and there were only footprints left in his field of vision that seemed to have been dyed black with thick ink, step by step, on a clean floor.

It seems that no matter how hard he tried, he can’t wipe off that trace.

“3684.” The man impatiently left his last words, “Don’t be too self-righteous. You really think you are worth something?”

[Chapter 5]: Things You Want To Protect

In the empty dance studio, the operating sound of the air humidifier hummed quietly.

Kiro didn’t know how long he had been standing there until the tingling sensation rushed to his legs and he instinctively moved forward slightly.

The towel and hairband hanging on the side of the cabinet came into view and he strode forward suddenly and threw them to the ground fiercely. ***The towel and hairband mentioned here are what Kiro uses during dance practice to wipe off/absorb sweat***

The world swallowed his outburst silently but indifferently, making him at this moment seem small and lonely.

In the end, he dragged his numb body and walked tiredly to the towel and hairband, as if all his strength had been drained and slowly knelt on the floor.

Just like the day when he first picked them.

Kiro stretched out his hand, slowly picked up the towel and hair band, and carefully hugged them in his arms. They were his only close friends, walking side by side. They were proof of his hard work. But if these proofs can be trampled so easily, then what was all his effort for?”

The edges of the cotton towel and hairbands were slightly deformed due to their repeated use. He swiped hard, remembering that he had almost thrown them away because of being used so many times.

And whenever he was about to throw them in the trash can, the soft texture in his hands was always quietly hot at that moment.

It seemed to be telling him, “Wait a minute. Hold on.”

It’s as if they were reminding him they were made in order to continued to be used.

He once heard others say that life will find a way out.

“Is this the way you worked hard to find?”

He stood foolishly in front of the trash can, looking at the towel and hairbands in his hands, muttering to himself.

Then he would stand there, talking endlessly for a while.  

He thought that music was the way out for his life that was once empty.

It seemed that in the darkness where he still was, a gleaming light suddenly broke in. In that world, he can always shine with golden light and light up his life forever.

He can see himself.

But if he can’t maintain this purity, is he still worthy to live in this world that once taught him to redeem?

No.

Kiro raised his head and looked at himself in the mirror.

That world may be impure, but his dream is real, and his love is real. This was what he wanted to do as Kiro, and it was the only way out.

He is Kiro. Not 3684.

He rubbed the hair band firmly, then raised his hand to tie it on his head and smiled at himself in the mirror with encouragement and humbleness as he did before each practice.

“Today’s 2-hour dance training has not been completed yet.”

A dynamic rhythm sounded in the studio and the sound of footsteps rubbing on the floor resounded one after another. Kiro was practicing hard while telling himself in his heart.  

“This is just another ordinary day, tomorrow will only be better.”

Two hours later, he turned off the music, bent over gasping, and abnormally did not stand up for a long, long time.

Finally, for what seemed like ages, he slowly straightened up, took out the violin from the bag on the floor, and sat by the window. The dark brown violin was lined with soft light under the sun and he held it as if being embraced.

“I will definitely protect you.”

Kiro’s eyes were soft, and his tone was gentle and firm.

The birds outside the window chirped and landed freely on the edge of the window.

“It’s great that you are free.”

Kiro smiled and gently extended his fingertips.  

“I will be free too.”

[Chapter 6]: Free Sailing

A telephone ring broke the silence of the studio.

Kiro looked down at the phone. It was an unfamiliar number. Maybe it was from a fan somewhere, but he picked it up in a ghostly manner.

“Hello, this is PLANET Yacht Club, what can I do for you?”

Kiro was stunned. The person at the other end waited patiently for his silence. After a long time, he remembered that when he was resting on the sidewalk a while ago, he accidentally saw a magazine ad about yachts. He made a phone consultation.

However, because he needed to go to pratice immediately he asked the other party to contact him afterwards.  

Unexpectedly, it happened to be today.

“I have read your information. I have some interest in your yachts. How can I learn more about it?”

“If this is the case, you can visit our terminal directly. On which day would you like to make an appointment?”

“Is today okay?”

When Kiro said it, he was also stunned. He felt his heart beating, but he didn’t know what this feeling represented.

“Of course, we will send the address to your phone later, looking forward to your visit.”

When Kiro saw that yacht, he decided to buy it.

It was lying quietly in the corner of the entire pier, unremarkable, but in the light of the surging tide, it instantly attracted Kiro’s eyes.

Of course, the salesman saw the young boy coming to the club, obviously looking a little bit awkward and seemed to be thinking about how to politely ask him to leave.

“I want that yacht.”

Kiro didn’t leave the yacht’s sight and took out his bank card in the salesman’s dumbfounded gaze.

The boat was moored by a small harbor where there was a little old port. This was the place he saw on the way to the club.

He asked the people of the club to help him get the boat here and said that in a few days, he would come again to ask about how to operate the yacht.

It was dusk now and there were no people, only him and his boat, listening to the ebb and flow together.

The half-round sunset has fallen below the sea level. The sun is golden and far away, warmly embracing the whole world.

The yacht hasn’t been decorated yet and looks a bit simple, but Kiro doesn’t care. He feels that he has seen the future of the ship.

This is his boat, he repeats this in his heart over and over, and in the future, there will be someone who is most special to him in this world who will share it with him.

Think of it as a birthday present for yourself even though there is no cake and no birthday song today.

But this is also good.

Kiro was lying on the small deck, seagulls flying non-stop. The sky was divided into half blue and half-yellow. The boat rose and fell with the tide. He opened his arms as if he could touch the sky.

Kiro suddenly felt that he could go anywhere.

Nothing can stop him.

[End]

#mlqc #mlqc spoliers #kiro #kiro spoilers #mlqc kiro #mlqc kiro spoilers #kiro bday event 2021 #r&s #mr love #mr love queen's choice #zhou qiluo #kira #love and producer #translation #koi to producer #mldd #mr love dream date #kiro childhood bday #kiro bday #bday 2021 #spoilers #恋与制作人 #周棋洛

[rouiyan]

OMG OMG WHAT IF A FIRST SLEEP OVER AT SUNGCHAN'S HOME AND THE NEXT MORNING Y/N WAKES UP EARLY AND COOKS BREAKFAST AND HE SURPRISES HER WITH A BACKHUG I--- OSBAKSVKWGSBAHAJSGAJ IMAGINE HIM BEING SO TALL COMPARED TO Y/N MAY I REQUEST THAT MAY I MAY I

i sound so aggressive wth

HAHA omg YES YOU MAY. sweetie, i live for the vibes you give off, chaotic at best. also, please don’t mind me, i thought this rq was so cute--and i made it bsf2l w high school and next door neighbor au, just for funsies. 

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐖. — sungchan x (gender neutral) reader ✧ word count : 1446 ✧ disclaimer : sleeping together, no funny business

the window above your bed is haunted, you’re convinced of that. you can hear, distinctly, the sound of different objects being thrown at it each time, but each time you always seem to turn just a second late, missing the scene and leaving you wondering if you were just crazy. somehow, i didn’t cross your mind that it could be your neighbor until you looked up just in time to see a shoe catapulting at the tempered glass, the sole leaving scuff marks where it hit with a loud thud. 

slightly alarmed, no bewildered, or maybe even in relief, you cross your room hurriedly, shoving the pane upwards before another thing collides with it. the sky is a mix of light and dark, too late for the sun yet too early for the moon, but even then, you can still see sungchan’s figure shrouded on all sides by a soft dimness. 

“what do you want?” you hiss at him. sungchan is perched on the edge of your sidewalk, the window above your bed facing the street, and also directly opposite of his own bedroom window across the street. “sleepover,” is all he hisses back. you arch an eyebrow at him but he doesn’t respond. remembering that it would be impossible for him to see your expression, the light crowding from your room behind you casting shadows across your face. you voice, “what about your parents?”

“they went to grams for the weekend, left me here all alone, can you believe that?” chuckling you swung your hips so that you’re positioned sideways on the windowsill, one leg hanging out. “okay...,” you drawl on, trying to imagine how this would pan out, “and what about my parents?”

you almost, almost can see the boy roll his eyes. the whole block knew your parents really could care less about you, not that they didn’t care about you, just that they trusted you enough to know that you wouldn’t be sneaking out of the house at night. totally not a coincidence that that’s the whole reason why you do sneak out of the house at night.

before you know it, you’re on the couch in his living room, the volume of the movie that’s playing is turned all the way up, and the only source of light in the room is from that very screen. you’re focused on the movie, that’s as far as you know, but you also know that jung sungchan has been sneaking glances at you every other minute. you wonder why.

the movie dies down at around 2:30 in the morning, or at least that’s the last time you checked the clock before falling asleep. you wake up a good thirty minutes later though, tucked on your side into the left of sungchan’s bed. now you’re wondering if the boy will be on the other side if you turn around. he is.

sungchan hasn’t gone to sleep yet, but would rather stay up mindlessly browsing through his phone on a school night- no, morning. he feels the sheets ruffle beside him and he’s met with your half-lidded eyes, scrunched nose, and eyebrows knit in utter confusion. “how did i get here?”

ruffling your hair, sungchan is quick to reply, “i dragged you, dummy.” your cheeks flush at his actions though the low lights are there to hide them in your aid. the ambience dips into silence as sungchan retires his eyes from his phone, placing it on the nightstand. he turns off the light there as well, the walls of his room succumbing to an endless black. 

it only takes a few minutes for your thoughts to dwindle down into the depths of contemplation. the things that have been weighing on your mind being nudged out into open air by the comfort and shield of dusk. “do you ever think of what will happen to us?”

you note that he is still awake after all when he rejoins, “what do you mean?” turning your whole body to face him instead of just your head, you clarify, “like in the long run, after we graduate, do you think we’ll still be...?”

he completes your thoughts, sort of at least, “friends?”

“yeah..., “ you trail off at the prospect of, “friends.”

you’re not sure if your spirits are elated or dismayed when he says, “i don’t think much will change, we’ve always been this way.” we’ve always been just friends, is all you hear. the discouragement is strong in your undertone, “even if i move far away?” but it’s alright, you suppose, you weren’t expecting much anyways.

“even if you move far far away.”

there is something unspoken about that night, from the way the two of you share a bed for the first time to the way neither of you dare fall asleep when the tension in the air is so unmistakably clear. it’s as if the chirps of crickets, far off in the distance, are telling you to make your feelings clear, for not ten minutes later you profess a portion of your desires, although a rather short-lived one. “would you mind it if we cuddled?”

“sure.” his voice is very much still bright, in the ways that suggest that he’s nowhere near sleep. playful he adds, “why? scared of the dark?” and while you’re chuckling along lightly with him, you’re also failing to come up with a reason that doesn’t disclose your specific sentiments towards the boy. “no, i just...”

you think that he’s about to just let the whole proposition dissipate into the night, seeing as he hasn’t uttered a word in the last two minutes. but it’s just then when you hear him say, “come here.”

his side of the bed is warm, you wonder why yours wasn’t. his side of the bed feels like home, you wonder why the other side of the same bed didn’t. undoubtedly, you know that it’s all because of him. sungchan makes all the difference in the universe when put in your perspective. the atmosphere of a room with or without him contrasts like summer and winter. a gift given to you by him in comparison to that of another is like a talisman sent by the heavens in comparison to a pair of socks. his eyes on you versus the eyes of anyone else feels like a compliment from god versus a mindless felicitation from a stranger. if you are to break it down in just five words, all you can say is, jung sungchan is your world. or you could say, “sungchan, do you like me?”

blame it in his embrace, the tenderest of all, that surrounds you in thoughts that revolve solely around him. blame it on the light, or rather, the absence of light that gave you all the courage you’ve ever needed to say those five words, in that order. blame it on the tension, the feeling that voicing aloud the questions lodged in the back of your throat would make it easier on the both of you. blame it on the way you knew, in the depths of your mind, exactly what he would say in response to those questions. and maybe the moon had whispered it in your ear because the little murmur he gives confirms all your trembling hopes and dreams, “...yeah,” you feel the gulp of his throat on the crown of your head, “i do.”

nothing, i tell you, nothing is easier in the world than to say, “i like you too.”

you wake up the next morning, sore in the neck but joyous in the heart. also very careful to slip from under the arm that’s draped across you so that you could get on with the little surprise you had in mind. making pancakes is second nature to you, but you’re upset at the fact that there seems to be no maple syrup in his kitchen. you’re on the tips of your toes, trying to clasp at the handles of the two cabinets above the fridge when, without warning, you feel a pair of arms slide around your waist. subsiding from your attempts, you relent onto your heels, only to feel his chest against the back of your head. 

turning in his arms, you stare up at him with bright eyes. “good morning,” you muse. a soft light dances in his pupils as he brings a hand to your hair. a light kiss is placed upon your forehead and he mumbles into it sleazily, “good morning to you too, babe.”

it’s over the years, from far far away to up front and close, that babe becomes dear, and dear becomes honey, and honey becomes love. 

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — anon babe, i’m so sorry this took a little longer than expected. i’ve been kinda out of my fluff feels these past few days and i really didn’t want to force this. i think i made up for it though because it’s also a little longer than usual and came out a little better than i imagined. i hope you liked it <3.

#nct #nct fics #nct scenarios #nct sungchan #jung sungchan #sungchan x reader #sungchan fluff #sungchan fics #requested #rouiyan writes

[letshaikyuu]

- one year anniversary | 27.01.21

Guys, it’s been exactly one year since I’ve posted my “A new HQ blog” post...time literally flies what even-

My first request went up on the 1st of February 2020 and, ever since then, I’ve received nothing but love and support from all of you who have been with me on this journey. I can’t thank you guys enough <3

To the 4.9k of you who follow me regularly, to the ones who happen to stumble upon my blog accidentally, to the ones who read my content when they’re feeling happy or sad, to the ones who don’t leave feedback yet still might say “oh, this was a good read” - thank you. I could have never gotten this far without all of you. 

I know that I haven’t been the best blog and content provider these past few months, but I don’t want to give up on this blog or on the 500 requests sitting in my ask box, you all deserve content and all the emotions the Haikyuu fandom provides you

Please, don’t stop loving Haikyuu. The excitement over it might have toned down, but we’re still here for you whenever you decide to come back to it. Once more, thank you for everything <3

*below the cut are people I’ve met during this journey that made it all the more memorable, so please take your time reading this; a lot of people I’ve met, by this time, have either deactivated or moved, but they’ve still made this journey memorable, despite not being able to mention them*

@comidarecalentada - hello, hoe, we’ve talked like last night, but I already miss you. You are, easily, one of the most memorable people I have met on this blog. You sneaked into my PMs (kinky) for a matchup, you gave myself one in return and we somehow continued talking constantly after that. I’ve never met a person quite like you before. You’re literally hilarious and I don’t know if my sense of humor is shit or you’re really funny, but my stomach always hurts after I finish talking to you. You’re calming and know what to say and do to make me feel better and get my mind out of its dark places. If it wasn’t for you, this university shit would’ve been a lot more difficult. You’ve been such an amazing friend these past few months to me and I won’t ever be able to repay you for that. You’ve made these past few months that more bearable and enjoyable. Thank you for listening to every piece of bullshit I might have thrown your way, every cackle that might have hurt your ears and the sadness you’ve managed to take away when I was feeling down. There was never a time during our video calls when I’ve felt embarrassed about my voice and English or how I might look like because I knew that you wouldn’t care. Calling you during my toughest times became such a therapeutic thing for me because you never fail to make me feel better. It’s almost nearing our one year friendship anniversary and oh boy, it’s been one hell of a ride with a cute dumbass like you, but I love you so, so much and I know you know that, and I’ll stop being so sappy cause you’re only going to tease me later <3

@louddelusionaltale - my boo, omg hi. I was so thrilled when I found out that  we live close to each other and that we understand each other without having to use English (even though we mostly use English to communicate cause why not), but you’ve been one of the best friends I could’ve met on this app. I wake up excited to talk to you and see what you’ve been up to, give you some good recommendations and playing Genshin together (is it that hard to get to AR 16 hoe, I mean come on.) Anyways, talking to you is always so easy and calming, funny yet serious and helpful when it needs to be. When you’ve asked for my opinion of you, I could only think of positive things because there’s nothing about you that people can hate. Thank you for making my mornings better wth your adventures in school, the sun hitting your face just right and sending me 92384 snaps in the process and just being there for me. There was never a time when I haven’t thought highly of you and I know you know how much you’re cool and stuff, don’t deny it <3 Thank you for everything boo and let’s continue being the dumbasses we are hehe

@brokutoforever - yo, yo. You’ve literally been one of the first people I’ve started talking to on this app and despite not talking in a long time, I’d be shameful had I not mentioned you here. You’re amazing and I can, without a doubt, say that you’re one of those people who I could talk to about anything, without worrying about the topic not fitting in right or us just not clicking well. Continue being the awesome person you are, I hope you’re doing well and take care <3

@kawaiibaka96 - babe, babe, babe - hi :3. Thank you for sticking with me for such a long time, you’re amazing and I can’t stress enough how talented and awesome you are as a person. You’re so easy to talk to and to share ideas with because you’re literally big brain energy here. Your art work never fails to surprise me because I can’t believe you’re so talented, like babe come on. Thank you for every recommendation (especially Given) and every piece of advice you have given me, you’re an angel <3

@mysticrainpain - I can’t believe someone as cool as you would talk to me, it’s still a mystery to me despite having being friends for a few months now. If it wasn’t for that Shiratorizawa post, I don’t know where we’d be right now, but thank you for every minute spent talking to me about the more “adult” things in life, talking about random things and showing me how talented you are in different departments, every fanart and MSBY art sent and fic written, and, most importantly, thank you for making this year amazing <3

@maitenight - the aesthetic friend out of us two, you’re incredible babe. You can’t see how easy it is talking to you, thinking your English isn’t good enough, but you’ve been nothing short of amazing during the time we’ve spent talking. Thank you for every picture you’ve sent my way that’s so aesthetic that I can literally cry looking at them, for every conversation we’ve had on and off Tumblr, and thank you so much for wanting to be friends with an idiot like myself <3

to all of you who have been such an inspiration for this blog and thank you for being such amazing blogs: @krisdreaming,@mikwrites, @briswriting, @kyovtani, @haikyuuopworld, @charmingchikara (not me not even noticing the blog change, omg sorry lara)

to everyone who has made this journey that much memorable: @t-amajiki, @caxsthetic, @lcaita, @celestialfoxess, @noahtriestowrite, @haikoo, @proplayer-kenma, @edensxgarden, @danibby, @meguyuji, @decora-peaches, @bareeganbaree, @iwaixiumi, @haru-senji, @reogou, @shqnsuke, @death-waves-to-me (i’ve known you for forever, but you were the one to help my blog get out there, so love you boo <3)

hope to see you all in 2022 too <3

#kat rants #kat loves ppl #not me being sappy on main #and i know exactly who'll tease me bout ut #but thank you <3 #even if we don't talk much #you were someone who left a mark on here #so thank you for that <3

[wroteasongabouther]

fratboy!harry - part 16

LONGEST PART IN FRATBOY SO FAR WOW!!! a lot happens too.. so this part sorta moves along through the months of november and december for our lovely couple.. and it’s full of some ups and down and some smut of course what else is new lol.. hope you all enjoy, give me some feedback! (spoiler alert: rocky roads and drama ahead)

fratboy!harry tag >> story page

With November coming to an end, the weather here in Arizona felt that way too. You hug your oversized sweater to your chest while jogging towards Harry’s house after stepping out of the Uber you had caught here. Tonight was Friendsgiving here at the frat house and couldn’t wait for all the damn good food. Harry had Snapped you videos of Brandon and the other boys switching in to help prepare for tonight.

As you push open the front door, you can hear the rowdy boys seated in the living area. Then you see Kate step in the doorway from the kitchen. She’s got oven mitts on and a grin upon her face at the sight of you.

“Hey,” you say while slipping out of your boots and walking towards her. The two of you hug quick before you follow her further into the kitchen. “How’s the cooking going? It smells amazing in here,” you smile.

“It’s good, god bless this double oven though cause I’ve been baking these pies to be ready for desert and couldn’t wait for that bird to be done,” she explains while pulling out a perfectly brown pie from the top oven.

“Wow, that looks great,”

“Thanks, it’s my grams recipe,” she smiles while setting it onto the counter beside a few others.

“Is Liv coming over tonight still?” You ask while walking over to open the fridge. It’s stocked full, but you only care for a bottled water.

“She’s still pretty sick,” Kate frowns, “I’ve been staying here the past two nights since she’s coughing all night,”

“Oh gross,” you scrunch up your nose.

“Where have you been lately? Haven’t seen you around here,”

“Swamped with midterms and loving the calm of my dorm room,” you say. Kate gives you a ‘fair enough’ shrug before focusing back on her tasks at hand here in the kitchen.

You can hear the boys again, shouting over something. It must be that new video game they’ve been obsessed with. Since you’ve been hiding away in your dorm lately, Harry was fine with it cause it meant he got to game away with his frat brothers without you bothering him. Although you missed sleeping in his bed. His mattress was much more comfortable and you had gotten used to sleeping in it - and you suppose his company every night wasn’t terrible either.

“Is Harry drinking?” You ask Kate.

“They all are,” she rolls her eyes.

You nod and reach into the fridge again to grab your boyfriend a new beer. As you walk through the casual dining room and into the back way of the living room, you see the room is full with each boy who lived here. Even including the one Freshman who you’ve only met once before. His name was Jordan, he was some needy cute little guy who played kicker or something with Eddy. He didn’t drink or anything so he usual stuck in the dark corners during parties. Your first encounter with him was one morning, you had left Harry asleep in bed and was getting an early start before classes. Jordan’s head was stuck in the fridge and he only wear a pair of boxers, it was rather embarrassing.

“Hey baby,” you say while rounding the couch and sitting in Harry’s lap. He didn’t miss a beat, moving his legs closer together and wrapping an arm around your back before grabbing ahold of his controller again.

“Hey,” Harry smiles but his eyes are still on the tv.

You lean into him, cheek pressed against his dark green beanie that was taming his wild mess of hair, and watched him play. Only a minute passed before he dies and tosses the controller into Jordan’s lap, you barely have time to whine as Jordan breathes in sharp and covers his junk from the impact. Harry’s busying you by turning towards you and capturing your lips with his.

“Grabbed you another beer,” you mumble against his lips after the kiss is over. Harry leans back, his brows pulled together while you lift up the bottle of beer for him.

“You’re the best,” he says and takes it from you.

Another while passes by, Harry hand is grasping your grey legging clad thigh while you’re pressed back against his chest and your fingers are playing with the ends of his hair as your arm is wrapped around his shoulders. You’re both watching Jordan beat everyone in this game, you’ve learnt to find watching the boys game to be entertaining by now. Harry let’s out a barking laughter as Jordan kills Eddy and he curses loudly. You chuckle as well, boys and their toys hey?

You gaze towards the large threshold to the foyer as you hear the front door open and close again. You barely catch Jess before she’s rushing into the kitchen. “Sorry I’m late!” She calls out to everyone. The guys let out a joking response and you decide it’s time to get off Harry’s lap and help now.

The three of you girls finish up preparing dinner, Brandon comes in to carve the turkey and then it’s all ready. You raise your voice and shout for everyone that food’s ready. In come the guys, faster than you’ve ever seen them move collectively as a group before. Eddy reaches over you to grab some turkey as you scoop out yams and marshmallows onto your plate.

“Sorry, missy,” he says when you protest his impatience.

You roll your eyes and then get yourself some slices of turkey. Harry tells everyone to sit in the proper dining room, then once everyone seated he gives a short speech. You gaze up at him with a smile as he stands at the head of the table with his beer in the air. Everyone cheers and then it’s finally time to devour the delicious food. It’s not till after clean up and you’re laying in bed with Harry, tummy full of food, that you feel a bit sad.

“This is my first thanksgiving that I won’t be with my family,” you state.

Harry’s laying on his back, eyes closed, as you’re curled up towards him but not on him surprisingly. You watch his chest rise and fall. Had he already fallen asleep? Wouldn’t be the first time you ended up talking to yourself.

“Could come with me,” Harry suggests.

“Yeah, you’re crazy,” you snort. Harry cracks an eye open as you let out a yawn.

“Wouldn’t have to pay a dime,” he shrugs. You shake your head and roll onto your back to stare up at the ceiling. If he really thought you were going to jump on a plane with him and go to England for the Thanksgiving break and let him pay for everything than he was for sure nuts.

“You aren’t even celebrating Thanksgiving,” you state.

Harry doesn’t reply right away. You figure there’s a lot going on in his head. There sure as hell was a lot in yours. He couldn’t seriously mean it when inviting you to come meet his family, could he?

“Fine,” he says and then yawns. You’re eyes are shut as you feel him sling an arm across your stomach and his head rests on your shoulder. “‘M gunna miss yeh while I’m gone,” he admits in a soft voice.

“I’ll miss you too,” you sigh before letting the silence take over the dark room and that food coma hits.

You’ve been sitting in the bleachers for maybe five minutes, just a tad earlier than when Harry said to meet up with him, and enjoying the view while watching him run laps around the track. He’s got on some plain black Nike shorts, white runners, and a grey hoodie that’s got sweat marks down the back and under his arms. Somehow, even though it’s truly disgusting, you’re turned on.

Harry suddenly is sprinting down the last stretch before he comes to a stop and bends at his knees while placing his hands on his knees and takes deep breathes. As he leans back up, hands on his hips now, he glances towards the bleaches and finds you. A smile curls upon your lips and he pushes off his hood and his long hair is pulled up into a small pony. It’s adorable and you wonder if he had stole one of your hair bands.

“Why are you still training so hard? Your season is over,” you say as he slowly makes his way up the metal bleachers and pulls out his Apple pod headphone things - you hated the idea of those things, mostly cause you’d lose them in seconds.

“Thanks for the reminder, babe,” he huffs while leaning to grab ahold of the water bottle you had brought for him.

“Sorry,” you say with a smile in hopes he forgives you. Harry rolls his eyes and then chugs more of the water.

“You should come for a run sometime,” he suggests.

“Yeah, I’ll pass,” you chuckle while standing up.

“Come on,” Harry pesters you while you get closer, his hands land on your hips, “just one hike,” he adds.

“Hike?” you snort, “you’re crazy, H,”

“Have you not hiked up the mountains here?” He asks and you shake your head while fixing the strap of your bralette that you wore under a white tshirt paired with light blue jeans and a flannel - which was actually yours and not Harry’s - tied around your waist.

“I barely make it across campus to my second lecture without getting winded,” you say dramatically.

“So no hike?”

You don’t reply right away as you see the pout on Harry’s face. Stupid bastard, playing wth your heart like a damn toy. You roll your eyes and step out of his grasp, leading the way down the bleachers.

“Fine,” you say over your shoulder, “one hike, an easy one,”

You regretted every word the next day when Harry woke you up before the damn sun was up and had you panting for air while only ten minutes into this so called easy hike. Stopping for yet another time, you chug more water and wipe your brow. Harry turns back around upon realizing you weren’t walking behind him any longer.

“This is torture,” you gasp while tightening the lid of your water bottle. Harry chuckles while you start walking up the hill again.

“It’ll be worth it, little bird, just wait,” he states and then is leading the way again.

The craziest thing was that it wasn’t just you two hiking this thing so early on a Friday morning. Other students ran passed you, making it seem easy - thing was that they, and Harry, are in good shape. Unlike you, who liked to engulf four tacos for dinner and then eat a bag of M&Ms before bed while not doing any sort of physical activity in between. You sigh and focus back on the dirt beneath your runners, at least you got to break out the Nike runners you had bought last year and never worn.

“Almost at the top,” Harry mentions as you try to steady your breath. About five minutes ago he picked up the pace and you honestly could’ve been left in the dust but then you caught sight of some blonde bimbo with a literal face of makeup look back at Harry as she passed by.

“This is it, I’ve hiked the damn hill and now I’ll die here,” you sigh dramatically while shutting your eyes and stopping as you reached the top.

“Oh shut it,” Harry chuckles, “that was nothing,” he adds.

“No need to rub it in, H,” you mumble before opening your eyes and taking in the view. It was gorgeous. Tempe was generally a flat area, so you could see tons of land. Mostly the campus that was just below you. As the sun had now risen and normal people were starting their days, you enjoyed the quiet peaceful moment here at the top of this mountain.

“Don’t know if I’d say this was worth it,” you pause and step up towards Harry, he slides an arm around you and you lean into him, “but it’s nice,” you smile.

“It is isn’t it?” He breathes out.

You glance up and gaze into his eyes, he’s not taking in the view at all. You can’t help but roll your eyes at how cheesy he was. Then you perch up on your toes in order to press your lips to his. The kiss is short and sweet, but it still had your stomach in a case of flutters.

“Since you did this hike for me, I’ll pay for lunch,” he says, you hum out in agreement as you day dream about how nice a burger and fries are gunna taste - night as well get a milkshake too, since you did all this exercise it was only right.

“Oh God,” you moan while your head rolls back into the fluffy pillow. Harry smirks against the material of your underwear. He had decided to take a different approach today, going as slow as syrup as he teased you. But it was working for you, you were more turned on right now with him simply breathing against the wetness of your underwear. 

“Relax, babygirl,” Harry coos as both his hands grasp around your thighs and spreads apart your legs. 

You inhale deeply, in hopes to do just as he says, but the moment he starts to take off your panties you tense up again. Harry lets out a low chuckle and hooks his arms around your legs, getting better access to the bareness of your womanhood all out in it’s glory for him. It was mid day, the blinds were opened, the fact you were fooling around in the daylight made your stomach twist - in a good way. 

“Fuck,” you hiss as Harry leans down and separates your folds with his tongue, swiping up over the bud of your clit.  

There’s not much leading up to it before he’s lapping quickly at your sensitive clit and diving his tongue into your entrance a few times too. You’re moaning, gasping, biting on your bottom lip to keep from screaming, all while gripping onto Harry’s hair tightly. Your body moves frantically as he lifts up his mouth, aching to feel the warmth of his tongue against your heat again, then he pushes a finger into you before returning his lips to your clit. 

Harry moves his other hand to grip your hip, holding you down as he mumbles praises of your body while you were getting closer and closer to an orgasm. He sucks on your clit at the same time as he curls his finger inside of you and you’re done for - your entire body convulsing as your release ripples through your body. 

You’re surprised as Harry keeps going through your orgasm, he removes his finger slowly, licks over your entrance as it’s dripping wet before your body finally quits sporadically moving beneath him. Your eyes flutter open once again, tired from one of the best orgasms of your life, and you meet Harry’s gaze. 

He shows your a lazy smile before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he props himself up with both his elbows dipping into the mattress between your legs. It’s be far, one of the hottest things you have ever seen with your own two eyes. 

“Okay, yeah,” you sigh and lean back into the pillow once more to stare up at the ceiling, “feel free to do that any time again,” you add. 

Harry chuckles and you feel him move off the bed now. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he smirks. 

“M’gunna shower now,” you mention while slowly - very slowly - getting up form the bed. 

“Should I join you?” Harry asks as you walk into the bathroom where he’s at the sink wiping his face with a wash cloth. 

“Not unless you want to carry me around for the next day from these damn orgasms you’re giving me,” you say. Harry lets out a laugh as you reach other and turn on the shower. 

“Good to know I haven’t lost my touch,” 

“Oh shut it,” you roll your eyes and pull off your top before stepping into the streaming water. Harry laughs again, the sound bringing butterflies to your stomach, before walks back into his bedroom. He’s nice enough to push the door closed, leaving it open just a crack, in order to give you some privacy. Through these first couple months of dating, it’s rare the two of you don’t see each other daily. So even little moments like showering alone or studying alone in your dorm is a nice little break away. But of course, after you’re done washing yourself - you already miss him. 

With you feeling all clean and fresh, dressed in a pair of black leggings and a black tank top you brought along with you, you walk into the bedroom and fling yourself onto the bed beside Harry. He’s got his phone resting on his chest as he checks out something on Instagram. Peering over, you see it’s your most recent post. 

“Like it,” you mumble softly while resting on his chest. 

“Maybe I don’t like it,” he teases. 

“You’re literally in the picture, and you’re full of yourself. So how could you not like it?” You joke. Harry chuckles before double tapping on the photo. 

It’s from your hike, you had gotten that one girl who had the nerve to check Harry out to take a photo of you two. Arms around each other, your tongue sticking out while Harry gave the camera a smug look. It was cute, a good second photo of you two on your Instagram. The first was from Halloween, one that Kate had snapped when you weren’t looking - gazing into each others eyes while his arm is wound around your body. Overall, none of your captions or anything were to crazy lovey dovey but you thought they were nice enough to show off your relationship. 

“You should just call in tonight,” Harry mumbles as you two silently lay in his bed. 

“I can’t just call in,” you sigh. 

“Why not?” 

He’s not being rude, or picking at you, but it still bothers you. You sit up and look down at him as he stares back at you, eyebrows pulled together in confusion - probably from the annoyed look on your face. 

“Because, Harry, some of us actually need a job and work to earn our money,” you bellow while getting off the bed now. Harry sits up with your departure from the bed. 

“What the fuck is with the attitude?” Harry snaps back at you, his voice is laced with annoyance and anger now. 

“I literally have like five dollars to my name, and I’m seriously tired of you paying for every fucking thing for me,” you argue back. Harry rolls his eyes, you can visible see him fuming from where he’s sitting on the bed. 

“You’re my girlfriend,” he states, “I like paying for you,” he objects while narrowing his eyes at you. You match his look, crossing your arms at your chest too. 

“Well, I’m fucking tired of it. So on that note, I’m going to actually go work for my money now, goodbye,” you say, turning to grab your purse off the floor and then walking towards his bedroom door. You didn’t care to look back at him or wait for a response, you were so angry at him right now you honestly could care less if he wanted to continue this argument or not. 

“Whatever,” Harry mutters harshly as you open his door and walk out - slamming it behind you, by accident though. 

Jess is walking into the foyer from the living room as you make your way through the house. She gives you a small smile, obviously taking in the pissed off face you had going on. And there was no doubt that she hard Harry’s door slam shut behind you too. 

“Do you need a ride to work?” She asks, in which you quickly nod and the two of you slip on your shoes before walking out the front door without a word to anyone else around. 

“He’s just such a dick sometimes,” you grumble in the front seat as she drive towards the diner. 

“He is,” Jess agrees as she nods her head but keeps her eyes on the road, “but so is every other guy around here,”

“Thomas isn’t,” you say it before you can even think it through. Jess doesn’t respond immediately, giving you time to realize what you had said. You didn’t like Thomas like that. Maybe you should have? As you’re deep in thought, your stomach twists up in knots. You liked Harry too much to even think of anyone else even in the slightest of ways. 

“You two will work it out,” Jess smiles, “always do,” 

You nod and look out the window as she stops at the red light just a few blocks from the diner. You hoped that this shift went by quick and easy, you didn’t need more shit to ruin your day like your fight with Harry had. After thanking Jess, you get out of her car and walk up to the diner. You can’t help but let out a small sigh as you see Kennedy by the till with a smile on her face as she helps a customer - she’d make this shift easier that’s for sure. 

Kennedy does just as you assumed, and more by surprising you too. Your eyes widen at her statement. She bites on her bottom lip nervously while waiting for your response. 

“You and Thomas?” you question. 

“Yeah,” she nods quickly and focuses on the sugar packages in front of her, “we sort of just hit it off, I don’t know, it’s weird isn’t it? If it’s weird for you then I can like cut it off-”

“Kennedy no, God, don’t stop things because of me,” you chuckle, “Thomas is a really great guy,” you state and smile at her. 

“Yeah he really is,” she agrees and you can see it all over her face. 

There’s a moment where you feel a pang of jealousy. You imagine how many times that Thomas had felt this over the past year and a half of being your friend. But you can’t do that to him, second guess your decision of not giving him a chance just because he’s found someone else now - that was selfish and rude and so not you. 

“Have you guys gone on a date yet?” you question, sincerely curious now. 

“Kinda, we’ve hung out here after I finish a shift. And he’ll pay for whatever we eat,” she shrugs. 

“Take him to the movies, that new Marvel movie is out and he’s obsessed with every Marvel movie under the sun,” you exclaim with the same smile stuck on your lips. 

Kennedy’s lips curl upwards into a smile too, “yeah, okay, I can mention that,” she nods. 

“Good,” you say before looking up to check on your few tables you had currently. “Oh by the way, I can cover your shift next Thursday before I fly back home,” you mention. 

“Awesome, thanks again,” Kennedy says. 

“No problem,” you walk around the counter, “I need the money anyways,” you add before walking off to give the best customer service possible - in hopes the two families at your tables and the younger group tips you well at the end of their meal. 

Your tips most definitely were a nice bonus tonight. Now you could stop by the store tomorrow and grab enough food to last till a week from now when you fly up to Seattle to be home for Christmas. You were going home from a week, as most of the students at ASU were during the break you all have, and couldn’t wait to leave honestly. You missed being home, and Bailey mostly. 

“See you later,” you call out to Kennedy as she walks the opposite way as you do. The sky is black, stars scatters across the clear sky with just a few sparse clouds floating around. Once you tear your eyes off the night sky, you look in front of you to see Harry leaning against the side of his car just a few feet away. 

Your chest aches at the sight of him standing there, he had thrown on a sweater since earlier today. Leaving his house how you did, fighting and arguing, wasn’t something you entirely enjoyed. In fact you thought about it pretty much your entire shift at the diner. You sigh, cross your arms at your chest and stop directly in front of him. 

“M’sorry,” Harry says softly. 

“No, I was being stupid,” you shake your head and look at the pavement beneath your feet. 

“It’s not stupid to want to earn some money, I was just being selfish and insensitive,” Harry says, you glance back up to catch him licking his lips slowly while his eyes find yours. “I understand not everyone can have the sort of access I do to money, so when I get to spend it on someone else besides myself, I like that feeling,” he explains. 

“Well, thank you, for the record,” you smile. 

Harry’s lips tug into a smile at the sight of yours. “You’re welcome,” he says. 

“And I’m sorry for causing a fight, it really was stupid of me,” 

Harry shrugs a shoulder, “we’re bad at this, remember?” 

You chuckle and step forward as his arms open up for you to step into them. He brings you close into his body as he hugs you. Inhaling deeply, you melt into his body and breathe in his cologne. Even the little things like how he smelt made you like him even more. Hell, maybe you even loved him now. Did you love him? You furrow your brows and lean back to meet his eyes. 

“What is it, little bird?” Harry asks. 

“Nothing,” you reply. He doesn’t pry at you, instead he nods and leans forward to capture your lips with his. And with the feeling of his kiss, you come to the obvious realization - you were so in love with him.

“Sissy!” Bailey nearly screeches out your nickname as she runs full sprint into the foyer. You chuckle and drop your bags to bend down and catch her small body with yours. You feel as though your heart is about to burst with your baby sister finally back in your arms - these past four months away from her had been the longest and hardest ever. 

“Hey, Bails, I missed you,” you say while squeezing her. She giggles as her cheek squishes against yours. 

Upon arriving back in Seattle, you’ve been dying to get back to your childhood home. Your mom was busy with work so your step dad ended up picking you up, between the two of you there was maybe twenty words max spoken from the airport to now. It’s not that you two didn’t get along, there was just always a mutual feeling of not needing the absolute best father-daughter relationship ever. 

“I’ll bring your bags up to your room,” your step dad, Julian, says before grabbing ahold of your suitcase and carry on and disappearing upstairs. 

“Is mommy home?” 

“Yeah, she got me from daycare,” Bailey states matter of factly. 

“Daycare, huh? Did you have fun?” You ask while bringing up her into your arm while standing, you groan dramatically as you get up, “you’re getting too big,” you say jokingly.

“I’m five now!” Bailey grins.

“I know, it’s crazy, you’re growing up too quickly baby Bails,” you smile and she giggles as you two enter the kitchen. “There you are,” you say while seeing your mom at the stovetop moving around ground beef in a pan.

“Hey, sweetie,” she gives you a warm smile, “sorry I couldn’t pick you up, I got of work the moment you landed,”

“It’s alright,” you say and hug her with one arm. “Smells good,” you mention, peering into the pan to see she’s cooking up some taco meat. 

“Making your favourite,” she states with a grin. 

Your smile falls but just as quickly you force the corners of your lips up again. Bailey fusses, seeing Buddy - the fluffy family cat - entering the house from her little door so you put her down now. Tacos weren’t your favourite. They are your brothers favourite, or they were. You swallow hard and move to the fridge to grab the lettuce and tomato from the fridge to help out. It was typical for mothers to mix up their kids things like their favourite dinner, but it only made your chest ache now. You couldn’t correct your mom, it’d hurt her and put dinner to a stand still. Luke was gone, so now tacos were your favourite meal you suppose. 

Everything feels as normal as they can be. There’s always a bit of an off feeling around the house since your brother passed away, but you all try to smile and laugh and have a good evening. It’s not till after watching a Disney movie in the living room, Bailey curled up beside you and Buddy in your lap, that you go upstairs. You’re helping put Bailey to bed, and the moment you get to the top of the stairs you can’t help but turn your head to the right and look at the closed door of Luke’s room. 

“Come on, sissy, I want you to read me Winnie the Pooh,” Bailey says while running into her room that’s directly across from the top of the staircase. 

Bailey’s room is what yours just down the hall looked like ten years ago. She got the light pink canopy bed that was once yours, and your light pink crafting desk that still has a ‘LUCAS ROCKS’ carved on the left side of it. The thought distracts you for only a second before Bailey is pulling you to her bed where she jumps in and gets under the covers before sucking back on the straw of her cup.

“Goodnight, baby Bails,” you mumble while turning off her light and closing her door. 

“Thanks for putting her to sleep,” Julian’s voice scares you at his sudden appearance in the quiet of the house. “Sorry,” he adds. 

“No, it’s fine, to both,” you smile. 

“Your mom fell asleep already,” he notes, “we both work tomorrow morning, last day before Christmas break, are you going to be around to watch Bailey?” 

“Actually, I had planned to go see my dad,” you say. 

“Alright,” Julian nods, “I’ll just drop her off at the daycare, if you don’t mind picking her up afterwards,” 

“Yeah, that’s fine with me,” you smile. 

“Okay, have a good sleep, Y/N,” Julian smiles and turns around back to the master bedroom that looks over the front yard like Bailey’s did. Once the door shuts, you turn on your heels and walk down the hallway. 

At the end of the hall, there’s two closed doors on either side of you. Your room is to the left, while Luke’s is on the right. Your gaze lingers on the door of Luke’s room, a part of you wants to turn the knob and see inside - smell the musky dusty scent and reminisce. But as your eyes start to water, you realize it’s too late to deal with such a thing. So you turn to the left quickly and walk into your own bedroom.

It’s been months since you’ve slept in here, and it’s exactly how you left it - right down the the pile of clothes you left in the hamper by your closet and your bed being unmade. You were in a bit of a rush last time you were leaving home. You sigh and begin to unpack your suitcase, changing into one of Harry’s shirts you stole before leaving his house yesterday. You can smell his cologne, it makes your head spin and your heart ache - you missed him. With how your mom had reacted to the first time and last time you brought up Harry, you hadn’t spoken about him once tonight. It kinda sucked, not being able to talk to your own mom about the guy you think you’re in love with. But that was just life. 

Before you had boarded your plane earlier today, Harry had texted you saying goodnight since it was now back in London and time zones were about to be the biggest buzzkill for the next week. But now, as the digital clock beside your bed turns just past 10 o’clock in the evening, you knew it was morning for Harry. 

It would be early, but you really didn’t care - you missed him too much. 

Your phone rings, three times, before you hear a small grunt on the other end. A smile tugs at your lips even hearing the little sound from your boyfriend. “Hello?” Harry grumbles into his phone. 

“Did I wake you?” You ask, holding back at giggle. 

“Yes, but it’s fine,” he says. 

“Are you sure? I can just call you in the morning,” 

“No, no,” Harry sighs and you hear him shuffle around from the other end of the call. “This is probably the best time for us to talk anyways,” 

“Yeah, you’re right,” you sigh, realizing just how crappy these timezones are. 

“So how was your day?” 

“It was good, my flight was fine. Bailey was excited, had tacos for dinner,” you say. 

“Sounds like a damn good day,” Harry chuckles. 

You two talk for another while longer, talking about what he had planned for his day and yours after your sleep. He spoke about how his ‘mum’ - his accent while saying mom was probably your favourite - had bought him some new shoes and a new jacket already. Her excuse was that it’s much colder in London than Arizona, which was a fair point but they were also Saint Laurent which babbled you. Sometimes you forgot just how much money Harry’s family had. 

“What are you doing now?” Harry asks, his voice was low and still had a hint of groggy-ness to it. 

“I’m just laying in bed,” you sigh while stretching out your legs and dragging your hand over the blanket at your stomach. 

“Are you?” His voice had taken a familiar tone, one that makes your stomach twist and turn and your heart beat pick up just a little bit. You hum out a half-assed response, wondering where your boyfriend was about to take this phone call. “What are you wearing?” he asks.

You laugh, it was such stereotypical question to insinuate phone sex that you couldn’t hold back your laughter. Harry chuckles on the other end of the phone too. Then you let out a sigh and tilt your head back till it hits the headboard lightly and you glance up at the ceiling. 

“I’m wearing your Rolling Stones shirt, the one that-”

“Barely covers that cute little ass of yours,” Harry is smirking, you just know it.

“Excuse me? Don’t mention how my little ass is while we’re trying to sex things up here,” you say in a jokingly stern voice. 

“We’re sexing things up?” Harry teases. 

“You dick,” 

“Bet ya thinking about my dick,” 

“Bet you’re thinking about my cute little ass,” you taunt him right back. There’s a smirk on your face now, enjoying how this phone call had gone. Harry doesn’t respond, instead letting a comfortable silence come over the phone for a moment before he talks again.

“Tell me about what you’re wearing again,” his voice is dark and sultry again.

“Already did,” you say - your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth as you smirk. 

“You’re just wearing mah shirt?” Harry question. 

“Mhmm,” you hum. 

“Jesus, woman,” he groans. 

“This isn’t a one sided thing, H,” you sigh and spread apart your legs. Your hand slowly makes it way down to the cotton fabric of your panties, brushing over your folds as you shut your eyes and imagine Harry laying in his bed in London. “What are you wearing?” you smile, knowing the answer already. He always slept in just his briefs.

“Nothing,” Harry answers, surprising you completely.

“Nothing?” 

“Not a thing,” he confirms, you again can tell he’s got his stupidly hot smirk on his lips.

You inhale deeply and tuck your hand under your panties. Imagining Harry naked, his duvet as though someone pitched a tent by his hips, a hand working under it to pump his length. He’d squeeze near the base, stroking himself as he’s on the phone with you. Miles and miles away from each other and feeling a heat between your legs at the mere sound of his voice. You inhale through your nose as a finger brushes over your clit. The same finger moves down to find a wetness at your entrance, your dirty thoughts have most definitely turned you on, you sigh while bringing your wet finger back to your clit. 

“Still there, little bird?” Harry’s voice brings you back to reality as you’re circling a finger on your clit. 

“Yes,” you sigh, “I’m touching myself, thinking about you,” you whisper into the phone. He doesn’t respond immediately, making your stomach twist in nerves - was he not into this? Your finger stops moving, but it stays on your clit as you wait for him to answer. 

“Are you imagining that your hand is mine, touching your clit?” 

“Mhmm,” this time your voice is a little higher pitched. 

“How good you feel, how good you smell. That’s right, babygirl, keep up the pace, you know there’s no going slow with me,” you gasp at the hint of sternness in his voice. “Come on, bring yourself there, ah yes,” he hisses and you know he’s tugging on himself now.

“Harry,” you moan - keeping your voice low in case anyone in your house was still awake and could hear you. 

Your motions only pick up the pace, feeling numb down there as you get closer to your orgasm. Harry starts to huff into the phone, his breathing uneven and heavy from the other end. You lick your lips and close your eyes tightly as you rub yourself, thinking of the last time Harry and you had sex and he had done the same thing. 

“You close, baby?” Harry’s thick voice asks through the phone. 

“Oh, God, yes,” you moan, whimpers escape your mouth as your legs spasm under your blankets. Your eyelids are heavy as you remove your hand from your now wet cotton panties. Harry grunts on the other end, he too finds his release. The thought of him laying there and his come all over his stomach as he thinks of you, it makes you smile. 

“That was something else,” Harry sighs into the phone. 

“Yeah,” you sigh, “it was,” 

“God, I miss you,” Harry says - his voice louder as though he brought his phone closer. 

“I miss you too,” you smile while throwing the blanket off of you to go use the bathroom. “I should go now though, get some sleep,” 

“Ah, I see, just using me to get off then, huh?” Harry teases. 

You chuckle, “took you long enough to catch on,”  

“Alright, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Harry says, “have a good sleep, little bird,” 

“Have a good morning, H,” 

You hang up the phone and toss it onto your bed before walking into your ensuite bathroom. After your finished going pee, you wash your hands and look up into the mirror. There’s makeup smudged under eyes from the little bit of mascara you had wore today, and your hair is a bit of a mess now, but otherwise you look good. You look happy. And with that, you drop your head and slowly look to the closed door to your left that lead into Luke’s room. Back when you were younger, having a bathroom that was between your bedroom was annoying and he always locked your out. The memories bring a faint smile to your lips. You missed him, every single day since he had passed away. 

But now you were tired, it was late and you had done enough traveling and talking and everything for the day. You’d deal with being back in this house tomorrow, seeing his face in photos and his door taunting you every time you were upstairs. All of this, you’d cry about in the morning.

#fratboy!harry #i'll be writing another .5 kinda thing of y/n visiting her dad #cause it will put more into her backstory #and alex will be there too #then next part will be the last fluffy part for a while #DRAMAAAAA #okay enough talking #but talk to me about this #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb

[f0blove]

My Brothers Best Friend (Andy Hurley)

Based of the Request: Hi can you do an imagine where the reader is joes younger sister and has a one night stand with Andy so smut first but then she finds out she's pregnant and they get together and all the fluff @writingourwildestemodreams

“What are you doing here?” Andy asks as soon as the door opens. “Wow I was expecting a little warmer of a welcome but okay” she says, pushing her way past Andy into the apartment.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that” Andy says with a sigh, rubbing his forehead. “I meant that you shouldn’t be here” “Why not? I come here all the time”

“Come on (y/n), that was before…” “Before what?” (y/n) says angrily, “before we made out and then you left me alone in the middle of a parking lot?”

“Yes, before that” Andy says meekly. “That’s it? No apology or explanation? Not even gonna try?”

“I told you (y/n), we can’t do this. You’re Joes little sister I can’t” “ so what?” (Y/n) spits out, “that doesn’t make me any less of a person does it?”

“Of course not! But…” “But what?” She demands, putting her hands on her hips expectantly.

“But I can’t see you as anything but the kid that grew up with us, and how much Joe would kill me if he knew I ever touched you let alone did other stuff” Andy explains, Sounding defeated.

“So all you can see me as is his little sister?” Y/n asks quietly. “Yes, y/n I’m sorry, I wish… I wish it was different” “It can be different” (y/n) says slowly, an idea growing in her mind. “What do you mean?” Andy asks, confused as y/n’s face changes from a frown to a smile.“You just have to see me as something else” she says lowly.

“I don’t understand” “You have to see me in a different way” she says walking slowly closer to him with a smile “I don’t get what yo-“ Andy stops mid sentence as (y/n) reaches up and undoes a button on her shirt, and then another, and then another. “(Y/n) stop, what are you doing?” Andy stutters, actively trying to avoid the skin that was now exposed on her chest.

“I’m not some little kid anymore, I’m a woman, Andy” (y/n) says with a suggestive smile, “you just have to see that”(Y/n) unbuttons a few more buttons slowly, and then the loose shirt falls from her shoulders and hits the floor. Andy looks pointedly at the wall to his left, but it’s hard to avoid the sound of her zipper being pulled down.

“Come On baby don’t you wanna see me? Just for a second?” (Y/n) asks, desperately not trying to sound desperate or stupid.“I can’t (y/n), please stop” Andy says, as her pants fall and hit the floor.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do Andy, I just want you to see me as a person, as a woman, not as your friends untouchable little sister.” (Y/n) says sincerely, her stomach sinking as he continues to look away.“I can’t” Andy repeats in a broken voice. “Andy please, I like you. I like you a lot, just look at me please” (y/n) begs, her voice cracking. Andy take a deep breath and lets it out, slowly turning to look at (y/n). He stops and stares, mind temporarily numbed at the way her black lace bra and panties cling to her. He sighs heavily, reaching forward and taking her hands.“(Y/n) you are insanely beautiful and out of this world sexy, but I just can’t”

“ Andy please,” Y/n says shakily, “ if you don’t like me Becuase of me, that’s okay I understand. But if you’re only holding back because of Joe than stop! Please!” Andy hesitates, unsure of what to do. He wants nothing more than to kiss every inch of (y/n)s body but still he holds back.

“Okay” (y/n) says, eyes glistening with the threat of tears, “I guess I’ll go” She turns, bending down quickly to pick up her clothes.

“Wait” Andy says as she moves to redress.

“What?” She asks, sounding defeated.

“I-“ Andy stutters, “I think-“ And then he stopped talking all together. In three quick strides he closed the distance between the two of them, pulling her into his arms and kissing her like his life depended on it. (Y/n) melts in his arms, hers going up to grab the back of his head and kiss back strongly.

They pull back, breathing heavily. “I’m sorry I just didn’t want-“ Andy rushes to explain. “I don’t care just kiss me” (y/n) cuts him off. And he does, kissing her strongly on the mouth, breaking away to continue down her neck, across her collar bone, down her shoulder. His hands graze her back and her sides, pulling her as close as possible.

(Y/n) groans and grabs his shoulders, breathing heavily and tilting her head back. Andy grabs her legs, pulling her up easily and wrapping her legs around him. He walks them out of the main room and into his bedroom, laying (y/n) on the bed as he continues to kiss her. She pulls his face back up to hers, kissing him strongly as she wraps her legs around him again, pulling him close and groaning and he rubs against her. Andy pulls her up and unhooks her bra, throwing it off the bed. “You are crazy sexy right now” he groans. “Prove it” (y/n) challenges. Andy smiles and kisses her neck again, cupping her breasts and softly rolling her nipples between his fingers as he continues to thrust against her. (Y/n moans, grabbing the sheet under her briefly. Andy groans at the sight, and leans back pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the ground. (Y/n) runs her hands down his chest, feeling his stomach and sides, pulling at his back to try and get him even closer.

“Can the pants come off too?” She asks breathlessly. Andy let’s out a laugh, “they most definitely can” He moves back and off the bed, pulling His pants and boxers down and kicking them off his feet, watching as (y/n) does the same with her panties. She bites her lip as she looks up at him, grabbing his hand and pulling him back on top of her. “Please Andy I want you so bad” she moans as he thrusts up against her, Andy groans and kisses her fiercely, before lining himself up and pushing into her. They moan in unison and Andy moves faster, thrusting and kissing with all his energy. (Y/n) runs her hands over his shoulders and back, pulling away from the kiss to suck on his neck and kiss his ears. Andy begins letting out breathless little moans, and reaches one hand down, quickly rubbing her clit in circles, desperately trying to let her finish first.

She lets out a choking moan “I’m so close”

“Me too baby girl” Andy responds. (Y/n) gasps and lets go, pleasure rushing through her body and making her squirm, at the sight and feeling of it, Andy finishes too, and they collapse in a heap of desire and pleasure. “Oh my god” (y/n) gasps, “that was even better than I imagined.”

“Yeah, me too” Andy says, rolling off of her and laying on his back, catching his breath, “ you’re amazing” “You’re not bad yourself” (y/n) says wth a chuckle, rolling to cuddle up to the side of his chest. Andy smiles, pulling her close and resting his head on hers. “I guess we make a good team” he laughs.

“Yeah we do” y/n responds sleepily, eyes dropping as she begins to fall asleep.

Andy smiles, adjusting himself around her and closing his eyes as well.

——————————-

The next morning

“yo Andy, are you here?” Joes voice booms through the apartment and the door swingns open.

In the bedroom, Andy and (Y/n) jump out of bed.

“Shit” (y/n) says shocked, “What is he doing here?”

“Dammit I forgot he was coming today” Andy says frantically, “gimme one minute bro!” He yells out to joe. “Bad thing to forget” she says sarcastically

“Okay just stay here, wait until we leave, and then you can leave after that” “Seriously?”

“What?” Andy asks confused. “You want me to hide in your room until you guys leave and then sneak out?”

“Yeah…” (Y/n) looks at him in irritation. “Wow, Okay. Go ahead then.” “Are you mad?” He asks confused. “No of course not. We fucked and now you want me to hide so joe doesn’t know. This is just about the sex I get it” “(Y/n) that’s not what I me-“ “Andy hurry up! We need to be at the studio in ten!” “No youre right, this was a mistake. You should go” y/n says angrily, internally yelling at herself for thinking it was more than a one night type of thing. “(Y/n)” Andy says sadly, as Joe bangs on the door.

“I’m sorry” he whispers, pulling on his shirt and pants, “I’ll call you later”

“ don’t bother” (y/n) says bitterly, turning away from him. Andy between her and the door. When the doorknob starts to jiggle he mars a choice and leaves the room “Sorry I took so long man” he says to joe, slipping out and closing the door.

“No problem! Anything else you need to take care of or can we leave?” Andy looks at the door, “let’s go”

——————————————

1 month later - (y/n)’s apartment

“Okay okay this is fine” (y/n) says, talking to herself quietly as she walks into the bathroom. “I’m only a couple days late that’s no big deal”

She takes a deep breath, and begins opening the test “I’m taking a pregnancy test that I bought myself at a drugstore at 2 am, no big deal”

She takes the test, and immediately begins pacing in her tiny apartment bathroom. “It’s probably nothing, it’s probably nothing” she repeats for as long as she can wait.

Finally she stops, takes a deep breath and looks down at the test.

“Well shit” she says.

Andy’s apartment, early the next day.

“Am I a stalker if I call her again?” He wonders out loud.“How many times have you called her?” His friend asks.“Once to twice a day for the last month”“Does she ever answer?” “Nope, not once” Andy says“Yeah that usually means she doesn’t want to talk” he says with a laugh.“Yeah you’re probably right.” Andy agrees solemnly, “but I’ll try just one more time”His friend laughs but he takes out his phone anyway, calling (y/n). To his surprise, she answers in the third ring.

“Andy, I’m glad you called” She says sounding worn out, “Y-you are? That’s greats (y/n) I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks” “ I know Andy but I didn’t want to talk” she says “ you made me hide in the dark Because you couldn’t bear the thought of Joe knowing about us” “I know (y/n), I let you down and I know that was wrong I wanna just-“

“Listen it doesn’t matter right now. Are you free tonight? We need to talk” “Free, yes yes I am of course! Do you wanna come over at 6?”

“Sure, ill see ya then Andy” she said, and then hung up. Andy closed the phone grinning, “ I’m seeing her tonight” “I’m impressed man, didn’t expect that” his friend responded.

“Yeah, me neither”

——————————

Later that night

“Hey (y/n) how are you?” Andy says, pulling open the door right after she knocks.

“I’m okay” she says with a small smile

“Listen I know we left off on a really bad foot but I’m really glad you came over tonight I’ve been wanting to talk to you every day since”

“Andy I-“ (y/n) sighs and rubs her temples, “I’m here Becuase I need to tell you something”

“Okay let me go first” Andy says.

“No I-“ she tries to interrupt.

“Please just listen” Andy begs,

“Okay” she says, sitting on the couch. Andy follows her and takes a deep breath before beginning to talk. “(Y/N) I know that I mistreated you. I treated you like some random one night stand that I didn’t want joe to know about Becuase I was embarrassed, but that’s not it. You’re more than that- we should be more than that. I was trying to be respectful of Joe because he’s my friend but (y/n), the truth is is that I’m in love with you. And I have been for years”

“You- you are?” (Y/n) says in disbelief.

“Yes yes I am, so so much and I tried to hide it but the truth is, I don’t care what Joe thinks. I love you and I want you with me, forever”

“You mean it?” Y/n asks with tears in her eyes.

“I really do” Andy says, grabbing her hands.

“Andy I- I love you too” (y/n) says with a grin.

Andy let’s out a breath of relief and pulls her close, softly kissing her lips.

“I promise to never hide you again. We can tell joe right now if you want, but maybe we should leave out the sex part”

(Y/n) let out a dry laugh, “we’re not gonna be able to hide that part for long”

“What? What do you mean?” Andy asks in confusion. “I came over here to tell you, um” she starts nervously “You can tell me anything” Andy says sweetly.

“Okay um, im actually,um” y/n stutters and then takes a deep slow breath. “Andy, I’m pregnant”

“What? Oh my god!” Andy says standing up.

“I’m sorry, I was between birth controls thats night and I was supposed to be safe but I guess I wasn’t and I didn’t think we needed a condom and-“

“Woah woah woah, slow down (y/n), you don’t need to apologize” Andy says, stroking her cheek lovingly.

“I don’t?” She asks

“No I’m not mad, I’m so so happy” “Really?” (Y/n) asks in disbelief.

“Of course I am! I have been your friend for years and I’ve finally realized that I’ve been loving you this whole time, and now I hear this? This is a dream come true!” “You’re serious?” She says with tears falling from her cheeks, grinning.

“I’ve always wanted a family and there is no one else in the world I would rather start one with than you” “I love you” she whispers in awe.

“I love you too (Y/N)”

Tag List: @imke-vd @deltablue202 @thepatricktreestump p @memyselfandwifi @jigglypuff1999 @emoxxtrash @everybodywantsapete @the-doctor010​

#fall out boy #fall out boy fluff #andyhurleyfluff #andy hurley smut #andy hurley #mania #fob fluff

[fmdrem]

date: from december 3rd to 19th, 2018 location: seoul, south korea / various ( mars’ dorms ; dimensions’ meeting & dance practice areas ; gocheok dome backstages & stage ) summary: the despair of jeon ahreum warning:  uh okay tbh there’s Some Shit going on and i did my best to tag EVERYTHING i could possibly think of so i still really suggest you to navigate with caution because ahreum’s self-destructive thoughts / warped perception of self AND the way he brings harm to himself are not bloody graphic per se,  but they can totally be something hitting close home due to how my writing has been conveying them. tl:dr: ahreum can totally be a character straight outta d*ngan r*npa. word count: 17006 words.

it all had started with a sighting of small little candles and snail shaped sugar treats on top of velvety cupcake swirls displayed at the front window of a pastry shop, the scent of cinnamon cookies, and a flinch of ghosts of birthdays past in wintry seasons greetings always bringing the loneliness of solitary years of struggle down his mouth as a reminder that he had to work harder.

no, it actually all started with the absence of reaction from one who was known to be all reactions and all flames —sitting nearby oldest member and companion while fidgeting with a shirt too big for his lithe frame and skinny legs, with many thinking he simply hadn’t had his morning coffee because it was widely known that jeon ahreum needed his cheap latte ( or anything with a dose of caffeine, truly ) in order to properly spritz life as he’s usually much more known for. it started wth himself and many others exchanging confused gazes because they were called so urgently and it was early, too early —mingi rubbing his heavily bagged eyes and his own hand clinging still onto minjae’s shirt as he wobbled in, geun and siwon looking beyond in need of another hour of sleep at least, because the melon music awards happened int even a few days ago and they weren’t still over their new schedule, finding himself barely curling a smile out and missing the chair he wanted to sit at least three times, and with not a single laugh from anyone because even he wasn’t in the mood for jokes and silliness.

it started with the executives arriving ten minutes late and looking ready to leave ten minutes earlier —as if looking at them all was almost an insult to their eyes like he was an insult to all of their efforts, a reminder to keep questions short and non controversial for the sake of brevity, jabbing at accidents that totally weren’t supposed to happen, especially on stage— talking, and talking while poor ahreum could feel his guts rot and skin getting itchy at the way the higher ups of them all kept mentioning other companies with the spite of a stereotypical villain because of how plain wrong that whole meeting felt like. 

it was supposed to be fun. it was supposed to make people happy —and he wanted people to be happy. even if it meant performing songs he didn’t like or keep himself awake with iv strings jammed on his left arm while trying to get changed so fast.

yet he would look at minjae almost as if expecting the worst to strike them all, the people pleaser, almost as if the entire routine that kept him barely there was on the verge of shattering once more. minjae would look back wth a worry that felt eons different from his own, give him a pat on the head, but it didn’t feel reassuring at all. nothing seemed to feel reassuring at all —nodding and complying and with every single word feeling like being pulled away from his mouth by a fisherman’s hook, because no matter what he didn’t seem to be able to say no, to say a syllable against the way stars aligned and strings pulled.

not even when his scheduled performance with kang junsu was announced with so much nonchalance by the executives before disappearing behind glass doors —and he was sure, so sure minjae could see the pure horror painting his own face white.

it continued with his forehead meeting the hard floor and the skin bruising blue and violet for the twenty-seventh times in the span of a week. or maybe less. days and nights always seemed to blend together like the millions of facets he’d shatter himself into in order to hide what’s ugly, because that’s what made people happy.

but he was doing something wrong. it must be certainly it. 

so he’d get up. he’d twirl and jump and fall again. he’d get up again, repeating that cycle over and over and making it part of an even bigger cycle —as if punishing himself for breaking down at home a few days prior because of how he broke down in sobs and tears after returning home from a meeting he’d rather compare to a death sentence, even if minjae and mingi and everyone consoled him within those walls —even when they’d reassure the the dying sun that was he to be free to let whatever was being bottled inside his heart even when ahreum knew so well that whatever was inside of him was rotten and ugly and completely shameful to even think about. 

it was a reason for why he’d push himself even harder, he’d chop himself into even finer pieces. just like his head kept throbbing with ache after telling minjae that yes, he was going to get the errands game going, that he was doing nothing except for dilly-dallying even if in his voice could be felt letting go of an exhale of uncertainty —pushing his hair to part so that the bangs would cover the bruises because he didn’t want to bother the makeup artists for some foundation ( it would bring questions, he didn’t want to answer ), putting a hat on alongside the best and most believable birthday boy face he could muster, sending hearts and smiley faces at whoever decided it was okay to waste a message or two to send for his birthday, because admitting that he was happy to see his friends thinking of him was selfish and he couldn’t be selfish at all, that was ugly and he was ugly and needed to stop at once if he wanted to be better and be more useful to others.

( causing problems after problems, stupid ahreum, idiotic puny thing always wasting everyone’s time )

he felt the ripple of anxiety lacerating his spine when there was people at home and his idea was just to get showered and bury himself into the studio, because he felt like the mask had grown thinner and thinner and was on the verge of breaking. or maybe it was a sign that the cycle needed to be broken and he didn’t want to, no. that meant exposing himself with all those missing pieces and pulverized sides —ugly ugly ugly ugly—, it meant disappointing and disappointment never made people feel happy, it meant failure, complete annihilation.

he’d hop from person to person with a smile on his face while inside he’d screech at them all for coming because they were supposed to do better things, things suiting their greatness and worth and not anything remotely associated with himself. he’d look at the cake on his plate and minjae sitting in front of him, give a small smile, open his mouth and letting the truth go for once in god knew how much time. 

the bruise on his forehead still throbbed.

                                         “ i don’t know if i even deserve any of this. ”

kang junsu released songs and pieces of himself were scattered in seven tracks like pieces of himself were now scattered on countless floors, and he felt exposed and disgusted to the core.

why junsu.

( it burns, like boiling water against the skin because he must be cleansed and purged or he won’t be getting any better. )

why.

( it fills the head with pain, against the wet tiles. again. again. again. to punish himself for stupid thoughts. )

why.

( it makes his heart think of himself as a touch number when he’s not. when he craved still the love of someone he was nothing but a stepping stone for. )

why.

its conclusion: gocheok dome could be filled with people to the brim or as empty and desolate as dimensions’ wallet, but jeon ahreum would still feel like he got shoved back in joseon and he was having his last walk of shame towards his last breath, covered in heavy damasks and gold shaped as a cloak to be pulled away from him with virulence and a fake halo fitting the saintly being he was not —gold lining his eyes and the guidelines for tears to follows as the way makeup artists would chirp how much he was pretty when all he wanted to do was to rip off all that gold from himself because it was always and solely meant for someone else.

always someone else, never himself.

he was selfish, ontop of a pipe organ with his whole vision being white and his own balance barely steady. he found himself abhorring. loathing every single bit of this, from the cameras ready to capture every single frame of his contorted despair, the organizations counting revenues over it all, those who were there to even more demean an art he’s given life and soul and happiness just because of his name not holding enough fame, the ceos and their sadism barely fed by money and backstabbing, whoever was the evil mastermind within the troposphere who remotely thought any of this pantomime was a good idea to begin with. hating himself so much for not wanting himself to strive for something better too  —he knew the reasons, he knew, let him throw that tantrum, it won’t resurface ever again, promise—, for having never been able to say no when he had the chance because even more so now was too late and he couldn’t pull back from that unveiling tragedy. it was the price to pay because he was a filthy coward, right? 

( no, tell me i’m wrong, i’m tired, let me out, let me out——— )

he could see junsu’s hands trembling while grasping at the side of the curtain ( do you miss me for real, he’d ask, but his mouth is sewn shut ) and he felt the urge of punching his stomach for even thinking of wanting to hold those hands into his equally trembling ones, because he lost that right three years ago and most likely junsu would be too disgusted to be touched by one like him.

people gasped in collective shock at the way the pulled curtain fell and a tear fell down his eye.

#fmdyearend #━ SELF-P ✦ #self-loathing tw / #self-harming tw / #depression tw / #self-destructive behavior tw / #suicidal thoughts tw / #suicidal tendencies tw / #mental illness tw / #anxiety tw / #unreality tw /

[lostseoulswandering]

"I’ve always suspected it, I guess I just didn’t want it to be true.“ vminkook

vminkook / pg13 / oneshot

What Jimin didn’t expect when he got home was Taehyung to also be home, and he definitely did not expect Jungkook to also be there. Nor did he expect to gain all this knowledge in the form of Jungkook having Taehyung pressed against the bathroom counter, hands under the other’s shirt and mouth on Taehyung’s neck. No, not at all. Jimin just needed to pee.

Thursday nights: wild. No one had class on Fridays, so the best way to do it? Go hard on Thursdays, go hard again on Fridays, spend Saturday and Sunday reviving yourself. It had been that way since Jimin’s first year, and as a third year, nothing had changed. Honestly? His week had been complete shit with three exams and having to stay over hours at his internship, and Jimin could already feel the vodka burning his throat.

Taehyung’s sudden presence in his doorway steered Jimin away from his reflections of a hectic week. 

“You almost ready? Namjoon said him and Jin are like… four minutes away.” 

Jimin gave Taehyung an amused look. “Four minutes is oddly specific, but yeah I just gotta grab shoes.” 

“Well, he actually said ten minutes but you know how Jin drives when the promise of alcohol is involved.” Taehyung replied, a subtle eyeball included. 

As Taehyung yawned, stretching his arms far above his head, his shirt riding up to give Jimin the slightest of glimpses at tanned, soft tummy, he thought maybe tonight would be the night. Maybe tonight Jimin would find the courage to tell his best friend and roommate of three years that he was stupidly and wholly in love with him. 

Pulling on his shoes quickly, Jimin made his way down the hallway, stopping in the bathroom to check his hair one last time. Taehyung’s voice was muffled from the living room along with another, which was weird because the front door never opened and Namjoon and Jin wouldn’t waste time to come upstairs. Rounding the corner, Jimin spotted Taehyung in the kitchen rinsing out a cup and laughing. He dried his hands and went into the living room, continuing a conversation. Jimin followed. 

And there, on their couch, sat the bane of Jimin’s entire existence: one choice Jeon Jungkook. Jimin’s number one competition for his title as ‘Taehyung’s best bro’. He couldn’t even properly hate the younger because he was smart, tall, good looking, and he could even sing better than some well-known artists (although Jimin would never admit that to his face). Jungkook was perfect in every sense of the word, and Jimin’s mood immediately drooped. 

“Oh, I didn’t know Jungkook was here.” He spoke up, causing both heads to turn his way. 

Taehyung laughed lightly. “Yeah sorry I forgot to mention it. He came over while you were in the shower a while ago.” 

Jimin just nodded, and the air became a tad bit too tense to be not awkward. Thankfully, Taehyung’s phone began to ring, Namjoon clearly yelling a “get in the car children” through the speaker. 

                                                           —

The club was actually horrible, Taehyung having disappeared along with Jungkook over an hour ago. Jimin sat at the bar with Yoongi, lazily sipping his drink. 

“Jiminnie why are you so somber tonight?” Yoongi slurred slightly, and Jimin honestly couldn’t tell if it was the Daegu or the alcohol. 

Jimin shrugged. “Just a bad week I guess.” 

“Ah, I see.” Yoongi nodded, swirling his finger in the condensation left on the bar table from his drinks. “Rough week, and not anything at all to do with Taehyung and his fuck buddy Jungkook?” 

“Fuck bud– what? Okay, they’re not fucking, Yoongi. And if they were, why would I care?” Jimin practically sputtered the words out of his mouth. 

Yoongi just gave him a knowingly side glance from where he sat. “You all think I’m so quiet and indifferent, but that’s only because I’m observing all of you all the time.” 

“Uh… not gonna lie, that sounds creepy hyung.” Jimin laughed nervously.

“Shut up, I’m borderline drunk you punk. Anyhow, it’s quite clear that you’ve been pining after Taehyung for some time now. But Tae and Jungkook are most definitely fucking.” Yoongi shrugged like this was all just common public knowledge. 

Jimin felt his bottom lip pout out uncontrollably. 

“Hey, don’t pout at me. You’re the one that needs to just have a talk with Taehyung, you’re the one that needs to tell him you have feelings. It’s all you. And pouting at me at the bar in a club isn’t going to fix your problems.” Yoongi was often times very straight-forward and brutal, but Jimin felt motivation with the words. 

“I guess you’re right, hyung.” He said, waving the bartender down to close his tab. 

Yoongi raised an eyebrow at him. “Where are you going?” 

Jimin sloppily signed his name at the bottom of the receipt and let out a heavy sigh. “Home. I’m going to talk to Tae tomorrow, I’m gonna tell him, so I should get some sleep.” 

                                                          —

What Jimin didn’t expect when he got home was Taehyung to also be home, and he definitely did not expect Jungkook to also be there. Nor did he expect to gain all this knowledge in the form of Jungkook having Taehyung pressed against the bathroom counter, hands under the other’s shirt and mouth on Taehyung’s neck. No, not at all. Jimin just needed to pee. 

His presence in the doorway was soon noticed by Taehyung who looked at Jimin with heavy lidded, lust filled eyes and a smirk on his stupid mouth. And Jimin? Well, Jimin, being slightly drunk and emotionally drained from his stressful week, felt his bottom lip pout out and quiver and literal tears slid from his eyes. He saw Taehyung’s entire expression change to one of confusion and then worry before Jimin was out of there, down the hallway, and safe behind the door to his bedroom. Where he shakily sat down on his bed, kicked his shoes off, curled up in his sheets and cried until his tired mind shut down for the night. 

                                                         —

The next morning, Jimin didn’t surface from his bed until near the noon hour, and he kept his fingers crossed the whole way to the kitchen that Taehyung was gone and busy doing something elsewhere. But no, as Jimin emerged into the kitchen, still in his jeans and black shirt (that was now terribly wrinkled) form the night before, Taehyung was sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone and nervously tapping the side of an empty mug of coffee. 

The sound of Jimin’s feet on the wood floor made Taehyung’s eye shoot up from his phone, and he instantly stood up. “Jimin, hey, I think we should talk about last night. I’m really sorry if that was like… crossing the line. I know you like guys too but like, that’s our shared space. I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would be home and me and Jungkook were both really drunk and–” 

“Taehyung, stop. You don’t need to be sorry. I was just surprised is all.” Jimin said, acting nonchalant about the entire event. 

Taehyung chewed his lip for a minute, and the silence was deafening. A few pings of notifications sounded from Taehyung’s phone but he didn’t even acknowledge them. “Then why were you crying?” 

There it was. Jimin felt his eyes well up again, and he sucked his lip to fight the urge to cry once again. “No, what? I probably had like makeup in my eye or something. Or… no actually I had to pee really bad and you were blocking the toilet so I cried about that, haha ha.” 

The frown on Taehyung’s face was deep and disappointed. “You don’t need to lie to me. Honestly, I thought you knew about me and Jungkook fooling around… it’s been pretty obvious for a few weeks now.” 

Jimin took a long, shaky inhale of air before letting it all out. "I… I’ve suspected it, but I guess I just didn’t want it to be true.” 

Realization crossed Taehyung’s face and Jimin’s face instantly went red. He could have easily left that last part out. 

Before he could beat himself up over it, he felt Taehyung’s long, lean arms hugging him tightly. “Jiminnie, why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on me?” 

The hot feeling in his cheeks was back and Jimin scoffed. “Don’t say it like that, it sounds so childish. Besides, I’ve liked you since dorm move in day our first year… I just… couldn’t get past the possibility of rejection and losing you as my best friend.” 

Taehyung pulled away, a soft smile on his lips now. “Jimin, you’ll always be my best friend, always. Nothing is ever going to change that. Besides, I’ve always had an infatuation for you too, but you always act so brotherly to me so I guess I read you wrong.” 

Well, Jimin felt absolutely fucking stupid hearing that. “I’m sorry.” Jimin pouted, looking downward and internally screaming at himself for a wasted three years, and now there was no certain future for them to be together. 

Lips on his own was not what he was expecting, but he leaned into Taehyung’s kiss. Long, slender fingers cupped his cheek and Taehyung laughed softly against Jimin’s lips. “Don’t be sorry… I wish you wouldn’t have cried over it and just yelled at me or something. I feel awful.”

Jimin sighed quietly, biting his lip again nervously as he looked Taehyung in his eyes that held so much warmth. “What does this mean? And what happened wth Jungkook now?” 

Taehyung actually tilted his head back, letting out that loud baritone laugh that everyone adored. “Well look here, now Jimbles has the courage to ask all the questions.” Jimin glared at him for a second, but Taehyung continued. “Honestly, Jungkook has always talked about how attractive you are so I’m sure he’ll be okay. I don’t think he was ever much into me…”

“Then why was he eating the skin off your neck last night, Taehyung?” Jimin scoffed, glancing down at the purple and red blotching the side of the other’s neck. 

Slapping Jimin’s shoulder lightly in retaliation, Taehyung just shook his head while laughing. “Okay, okay… we should talk to him.”

                                                        —

So a lot of things happened that week around winter finals during Jimin’s third year. A lot of bad things, good things. A lot of things he didn’t really expect to happen. 

He certainly didn’t expect to gain his best friend as his boyfriend, but even more so, he didn’t expect to gain Jungkook in the form of their other boyfriend. And they fought about dumb stuff every now and then, and there was jealousy for several weeks. But now, with Taehyung making a giant pot of ramen in the kitchen, and Jungkook snuggled under a Pokemon printed blanket in between Jimin’s thighs as light snores fell from his open mouth, Jimin honestly can’t say he would go back and do a single thing differently. 

#bts #jungkook #neon jungkook #taehyung #kim taehyung #bts v #bts jimin #jimin #park jimin #vmin #vkook #taekook #jikook #vminkook #maknae line #bangtan boys #bts scenario

[sophisticatedcelestinewings]

10:27 pm of December 28.

The exact time I officially started my blog about whoever this person may be.

It’s her birthday today. God forgive me, I even forgot how old she is. Well, I’m quite certain she’s 40. Let me check in facebook for a few minutes. Lol. So, it’s more than a few minutes and the iPad was already lowbat and also, I don’t want to leave my room just yet not until I’ve finished this. Subsequently, while waiting for the wifi and internet to have a fast connection I ponder on these few questions: Why I am talking about these random things when there are other things to think and write about? Why do I love procrastinating so much? Does it do me good? Or does it not?

In this situation, it does not do me any good. The person who means the world to me thinks that she means nothing to us. The person I’d hate not to see the moment I open my eyes as I wake up every morning rants that what if she’s already gone. The person who was obviously offended due to her tone as she talks about how I write long messages to other people while to her I do not. But hey, isn’t it the thought that counts?

Just kidding, Mom.  

When I was a child what I felt towards my mom was almost close to hate. I hated how she scolded me with her booming and blasting voice. I hated how every time she and Daddy got mad at me when I was a little kid, I wished for my death and wished to run away (so actually this was a personal issue lol; suicidal pala talaga akong bata wth).  I hated how she was unfair whenever me and my sister quarreled, always telling me to understand because I was the eldest. But when in fact it was her who couldn’t understand me. Here’s the first entry I wrote about my Mom on my diary last May 24, 2014:

                                                                                                                                                                        1st page

                                                2nd page

I browsed through more of my entries and here are some of what I read:

·         “She doesn’t know what I feel, she never does and she doesn’t understand me at all!! At times like this, I pray to the Lord that I wanna die. I know its to harsh [luh wrong grammar ako noon HAHA] and that God created me for a reason and a purpose but WHAT?! Is my purpose so they could scold at somebody? Because that’s what I think. I really hope that someone could understand me, well I know God does, Jesus does but maybe in person, someone I could open up to and someone who understands me.”

·         “Really, Mommy are you seriously going to that and you really have low confidence in me ha?! You DEFINITELY DON’T KNOW ME MOM and would you please stop humiliating me in front of people, it pisses me off but you probably don’t know that because or so you could just have something to talk about!! Grr….” (So the next lines were gruesome and creepy since there was a part I wanted to chop her lips off and spray some magic fairy dust on her so she wouldn’t talk for a decade; I was definitely a sort-of awful child I’m sorry)

·         “…Push her so she would stop but only if I could or maybe worst and I was really filled with anger and rage that time, I could even pull my hair out to get her attention and stop talking, only if it was possible.”

 (It’s 12: 00 of December 29, 2017 already. This greeting is already late. Hayy.  

Me: Should I continue? 

Also, me: Yes, for multiple reasons.) 

As I browsed through my first entries of 2014, I was almost close to tears. The mixture of 1% water and 99% emotions welled up in my eyes. I remember this read by Mommy a few years back without me knowing at that time. And, she was hurt. Deeply hurt. That kind of pain you could forgive but not forget.  I was like stabbing her with knives, thorns and needles with my words. 

Years passed by and the anger I felt died from within. It all started last year, 2016. That year was one hell of a ride for me and I really mean hell. I thought that year was the worst but it wasn’t after all. Those were my last 3 months of Grade 8 which I very much enjoyed and didn’t want to end. I might’ve suffered last year but I one monumental thing came out of it and that was my deeper bond with my Mom. I wanted to regret my choices and decisions that year. I wanted a time machine to replay all of it. I wanted another chance to change my fate. But now as I type of all of these, I’m glad all of it happened. I’m grateful for all those circumstances because without them I might’ve never been closer to my Mom.  

12: 22 am

Hey, it’s not your birthday anymore but I still want to greet you. Happy Birthday Mommyy! Here’s my message:

 Dear Mommy,                

          You are the warmth the sun gives us each and every day. You are an umbrella that shields us from the droplets of evil and wicked conspiring in this world. You are our paved and cemented road that leads us to the path we ought to take. You are a butterfly that pollinates us your flowers [children] with your ideas, advices and life lessons. You are like a book that fills us up with wisdom and knowledge we need in this long journey. You are like a brand-new mattress that might be hard at first but could give us comfort along the process. You are like a precious teddy bear we get attached to and always seek for either at day or at night. You are our dear Mommy that we ever love so dearly. 

12:45 am need to sleep 

7:20 of December 29 continuation…                

        Thank you, Mommy, for everything. Thank you for having patience with me and for never giving up on me even if you can’t handle the pain anymore. Thank you for constantly defending me and for standing up for me when I was weak and couldn’t even do it for myself. Thank you for being the person I’ve been praying to God to enter my life last 2014 when you were already a part of it since the beginning. Thank you because you always tell me to strengthen my faith and seek God in  darkest and happiest moments of my life. Thank you for being one of my light in the midst of darkness Mommy. I wouldn’t have survived last year and this year without you. Thank you for helping me fight and conquer my demons. For pouring your heart and soul just to fix me until you had nothing left for yourself. For always telling me to be strong for myself, for you my parents and my family and also for the dreams and aspirations I have. Thank you, Mommy, for all the things you’ve done for me, down to the smallest actions and minimal words that has a massive impact in my life. But most of all, thank you for loving me and rest of our family unconditionally. 

10:32 am of December 31. The time I opened this document to finish my blog and already 3 days late for a birthday greeting (due to parties and celebrations with my family).

          Lastly, I want to say I’m sorry Mommy. Sorry for everything I’ve done and said to hurt you. For making you cry and being the time capsule or a reminiscence to the dreadful past you never want to experience again. I’m truly sorry for everything. I will do my very best to be a better daughter to you guys my parents and also to God.

 I love you Mommy with all my heart and soul. Don’t ever forget that.

 PS. Happy New Year everyoneeee! God bless us all!

#HappyNewYear DecemberBlog

[byul-bit-arae]

Astro Coffee Shop AU

Astro drabble inspired by @alternateastro ’s coffee shop au 

Um hi 

So you are this struggling college freshman 

It’s just your first year but you already learned that caffeine is your friend

And that’s probably the main reason you got excited when you heard a new coffee shop opened on the way to the bus stop you usually board from to college

The coffee shop is really cute and has a welcoming feel to it

Also it opens as early as 6am so it’s perfect for grabbing a cup of cappuccino while waiting for your bus that takes off at seven

A tall decent young man that is around your age is always there, a warm smile on his face as he serves you, probably his only customer at that early time since the shop isn’t that popular yet nor is in a remarkable place 

Cha Eunwoo, his name tag says

Eunwoo is quite friendly for a barista whose shift starts at six in the morning and even bothers to start small conversations with you as you sip on your cappuccino by the counter

About two weeks in and you’re addicted to their coffee

You didn’t know if it was just you, or that it had some really special taste to it 

There was just something about it that you couldn’t get enough of, and most importantly, couldn’t go on your day without

Waking up at five thirty, getting ready, leaving your house and passing by the ‘Dream Store’ to have a cup of coffee and a small chat with an ever so energetic Eunwoo became a part of your routine

Until you ‘accidentally’ wake up late one day 

Maybe your alarm went off by itself, maybe it really rang and you turned it off and went back to sleep, maybe you didn’t even set it in the first place, what mattered the most is that it was a quarter past six and you were still in your pjs

You jump off your bed and quickly wash your face before grabbing the first combination of clothing that looked reasonable.

Smashing a bit of makeup on your face, you decided there was no time for more than a natural look for today, 

a bb cushion, brown eyeliner pencil, transparent mascara and and a warm orange gradient lip was the best you could achieve 

Throwing on your hood over your ‘whatever’ looking hair you grabbed your bag and sprinted your way out

You glanced at your hand watch to check if you had atleast a few spare minutes to order a coffee for take out but then you stopped at your tracks 

Because it was freaking 5:40 in the freaking morning aka an hour early 

The Dream store wasnt even opened yet and you felt like an idiot because your shitty clock was probably running out of battery and was showing the wrong time 

Groaning you glanced again at the cafe to see that the roller shutter of the front door was half rolled up

And that meant that atleast someone was inside

Looking around you one more time you figured out there was no other safe place for a lonely nineteen year old girl to stay in while waiting 

So you just decided to sneak inside and just hope it was Eunwoo getting ready to open the shop

You weren’t really that close to him but you just thought he wouldn’t be that freaked out if he saw you at such an hour 

Entering the shop you quietly muttered a “hello” as you heard faint sounds coming from the staff area 

“Eunwoo shi are you here” you dumbly murmured then figured out it was better to just take a seat and wait for whoever was there to appear

But you kind of accidentally doze off over the table because you woke up in such a hurry that you were feeling a bit drowsy by that time

Rocky takes off his sailor moon apron and hangs it after finishing with decorating the pastries and cleaning the kitchen

He leaves the kitchen and checks the café since he heard some sounds coming from there 

“Eunwoo hyung you’re here earl–”

He sees you sleeping on one of the tables and sort of just-

–For a second but not enough for you to wake up then purses his lips, not knowing what to do

Rocky always disappears so early in the morning after he’s done with his work so he doesn’t get to interact with any customers, and even when he comes in the afternoon to test out new recipes with Bin, he doesn’t leave the kitchen. 

So he gets so frustrated seeing you there bc um help what am I supposed to do with this creature it looks like a human

Luckily Eunwoo comes in just at the right time and is rather confused as of why rocky is still there 

Also why is he standing still like a statue 

“Good morning minhyuk, what are you still doi–”

Eunwoo looks at the same direction as rocky and takes a step back in surprise

But he soon recognizes your sleeping figure and is way more confused now but decides to wake you up anyway

You slowly open your eyes and find none other than the most beautiful angel you’ve ever seen in front of your eyes that you can’t help but yelp bc are you already dead and is this heaven 

You blink for a few seconds and look around the place then at Eunwoo and the other guy 

“…w-welcome to Dream sh-shop !!!!” Rocky says in a super nervous tone that his voice cracks as he tries to sound the brightest he could “is that how you do it” he whispers to Eunwoo bc he honestly had no idea how things went outside the kitchen

Then Eunwoo kindly introduces you to Rocky to break the awkward atmosphere

And hey Rocky is quite cute and hyper 

And that’s how you start meeting the boys one by one 

And you just have to embarrass yourself each time 

Like that other time you were soooo sleepy that you were walking with your eyes closed

Maybe bc you had so much work and didn’t get enough sleep 

But that didn’t really matter bc you knew the way too well that you could manage 

You instinctively make a turn to the left to enter the coffee shop

But then you just bump into the glass door like an idiot

Bc it’s usually always open

Truth is Bin came earlier than usual that day 

And usually whenever he comes he always closes the door

Since he claims it’s way too cold in the morning

And Eunwoo is like uhh ok nvm 

And since Bin always comes later you never really saw the door closed 

Being still as sleepy as heck you groan as you lazily push the door open with literally your whole body, pouting since it was too early for embarrassing yourself yet here you are

You enter the shop to see an ever so amused Bin holding his laugh 

“Welcome” he says quietly and you awkwardly smile with half closed eyes 

And wth wth wth why are all the ppl working here so cute 

And that other time you got dismissed early in the afternoon so you decided to pass by 

And you go up to the counter only to be faced by like a giant five year old 

And you’re like “uhh excuse me where’s the one in charge here?”

And Sanha just blinks for a second before blurting “it’s me!” 

And you’re like “but you look so young ??????”

And Sanha just smiles cutely then takes your order

And from that day you always stop by whenever you have time in the afternoon

Bc Sanha is just too adorable and his smile gives you so much energy to go on with your day

And that OTHER time the Dream Store was having that spring cleaning thing and there was actually a notice on the front door but you’re too reckless to realize that and just legit barge in to JinJin dancing with a broom to Plz don’t be sad by Highlight while singing with a really, really High pitched voice

And you never felt this attacked honestly

JinJin is caught off guard and immediately restrains himself 

“My apologies. How can I help you? I’m Park Jinwoo, the Dream Store manager”

And you’re like ????? Okay ????

AND THAT OTHER TIME you were with this senior of yours in art school 

He’s reaaaally kind and cheerful and you’re actually good friends

So one day he invites for coffee in what he claimed to be his store

And you’re shook af on the way bc uhh isn’t this the way to Dream Store?

You two enter and everyone, legit every single member of the staff (aka astro) stops wtv they’re doing and 

“Y/N iS MJ hYunG’s gF ????!!!!?!!!”

And you’re like um wat 

And this is how you get to know all of them

And you never felt happier tbh 

Bc they are all so lovely 

Also bc you get to prank them 

You figured pranks were a thing after getting to know them all 

Sometimes you drop by to do your assignments there

Bc your house is too boring

And as an art student you need a lot of inspiration

Also bc MJ is there and is always ready to help you with studies

Other times you help them with serving bc the shop is getting more popular by the time bc of the quality of the food and the hostility of the staff

Also you’re prolly the only one Rocky allows to touch the pastries

He lets your help him with the decorations and even keeps your suggestions of new desserts in mind

JinJin seeks your and MJ’s help before making any changes in the store’s decor or theme 

You secretly help JinJin to become faster with the drinks 

And ofc you help with advertising the store 

Like you legit tell everyone you meet about it 

You’re basically just really happy you got to meet these cuties bc your life would 794261% be hella boring without them

#astro #astro au #astro dream store #astro d.store #astro jinjin #astro jinwoo #astro park jinwoo #astro mj #astro myungjun #astro kim myungjun #astro eunwoo #astro cha eunwoo #astro dongmin #astro lee dongmin #astro moonbin #astro moon bin #astro rocky #astro minhyuk #astro park minhyuk #astro sanha #astro yoon sanha #astro scenarios #astro imagines #astro texts #alternateastro #park jinwoo #kim myungjun #cha eunwoo #park minhyuk #moon bin

[melanie-writes-supernatural]

It Has to be Perfect

A/N: Hey guys! Long time, no see! I just started a summer job a couple of weeks ago so that’s been taking up a lot of my time (hence why I haven’t written anything in ages, yikes). And I got offered a tutoring position for Calculus at my college so I need to do an interview for that soon! To be honest, I’m already ready to go back to college; I miss it a lot more than I thought I would. Anyways, you guys probably don’t care about all of that. Send me requests!!! I need some prompts to write for when I’m not working.

Word count: 1667

Pairing: Alpha!Sam Winchester X Omega!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Well guys, this is my first attempt at A/B/O dynamics. Contains nesting behavior and mild alpha-ness (I don’t even know how to word that properly).

My Masterlist

~

Trying to make everything perfect, she adjusts a pillow once more before stepping back to look at her work.

But it just won’t lay in the right spot.

She moves back to the bed and fluffs the pillows behind it before carefully maneuvering the smaller pillow into place once again.

A quick assessment has her deciding that she likes it, and she moves to straighten one of the blankets that she has laid out, soaked in Sam’s scent perfectly.

Another assessment has her moving the soft down comforter into a more suitable position, and she nearly has a breakdown when she finds a corner of it without her mate’s scent upon it.

She gathers the blanket into her arms, careful not to disturb everything else she has already meticulously placed, and sets it aside, so that Sam can scent it in a few moments when she’s done.

A few of his favorite shirts, the ones that his scent will forever cling to because he’s worn them so much, are tucked into her side of the bed, so that when she lays down she will be surrounded by him.

She steps back and looks over her work, deciding that it looks well enough save for the blanket Sam needs to scent and perhaps a few more pillows.

She hauls it into her arms and leaves the room, closing the door firmly behind her, and ventures toward the library, where she knows that Sam will be.

“Hey, gorgeous, are you finally done?” he asks as he sees her make her way into the large room.

She shakes her head and thrusts the blanket at him.

“It needs more of your scent, there was a spot that didn’t have enough,” she tells him as he gathers it into his arms.

“Is there anything else you need?” he asks, rubbing his cheek into an exposed corner of the soft material.

“More pillows,” she tells him, and he smiles slightly.

“Take a few from my room, they should be good,” he states, and she nods before going to do just that.

The two biggest, fluffiest pillows that he has, she takes. They’re well used and well coated in his musk, just perfect for her nest.

She travels back to her own room and places them where she desires, deciding that the comforter is all she needs left to finish this nest.

She makes her way back to Sam, determined to finish this before the night is over.

“Here, baby girl,” he holds up the blanket to her. “Check and see if it needs any more.”

She unfolds the blanket and checks over it, noting that every stitch seemed to carry his scent.

“This is good,” she nods, and he smiles at her retreating form as she scurries to finish her nest.

Placing the blanket just so, she arranges it over the pillows and shirts carefully until it is to her liking, exhaling in relief as she puffs a pillow up one final time.

Looking it over with a hand on her belly, she knows that her pup will feel safe in this nest, as well as herself.

She smiles to herself and makes yet another trip to the library.

“Done now?” he asks, and she nods, curling onto his lap so she can bury her face in his chest. “I’m sure it looks beautiful.”

She nods again, and he loops an arm around her back as he returned to his book.

“I have one more chapter to finish, then we can head to bed, okay?” he suggests, rubbing her back gently.

“Okay,” she agrees, content to stay on his lap as he read. His heartbeat lulls her as his chest rises and falls gently with every breath.

“You awake?” he murmurs after several long minutes. “Baby girl?”

“Hm?” she hums, her eyes fluttering open.

“Lets go to sleep, gorgeous,” he purrs, and she nods as she rises from his lap and takes his hand. She leads him to her new nest, excited to show him her hard work from the past couple of hours.

However, a foreign scent has her heart starting to pound the closer she gets to her room.

She throws her door open and nearly sobs at the scent other than her mate’s in her room.

Her breath quickens and she tries to keep from crying as she backs away, into Sam’s chest.

“I swear I didn’t know!” the voice makes her turn into Sam, burying her face into his shirt and taking deep gulps of his scent.

“You went into her nest?” Sam roars, his anger exuding from him in waves at his brother standing a few paces away from the two of them.

“I thought she’d do that in your room!” Dean protests quickly, holding his hands up defensively. “I went looking for her to tell her that her laundry was done. I didn’t expect to find a nest in her room! No one’s ever in there!”

“She just spent hours making that nest, Dean!” Sam yells, an arm curving around her back as she shuddered into him. “I haven’t even been in there, she just finished!”

“I didn’t know! I couldn’t find her! I checked your room and the kitchen, this was just the next stop!” Dean explains. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have even touched the doorknob, Sam. I’m so sorry.”

“Just go,” Sam says in a controlled voice that barely masks his fury. “Go away, she’s freaking out right now because of you. This isn’t good for the baby.”

Dean backs away quickly, leaving the two of them standing outside her room alone.

“I need to make a new one,” she whimpers into him. “I need a safer nest. One that no one can get into.”

“Just a minute, gorgeous,” Sam murmurs into her hair. “Let me see if I can get his scent out. If he just walked in and out I might be able to.”

“He can still get in, Sam,” she whispers. “Anyone can.”

“I’ll put a new lock on the door first thing in the morning,” he tells her, pulling away slowly. “Just stay right here for a few minutes.”

He draws her in for a lingering kiss before moving into her room.

Dean’s alpha scent clings to the air, and she shudders, curling her arms around the tiny swell of her waist.

Her stomach turns uncomfortably, and she closes her eyes as she hears Sam moving about in her room.

She knows that Dean didn’t mean to, he really didn’t. She hadn’t been in her room in months.

No one had.

Which is why she decided it was the perfect place for her nest, since no one ventured into it and the bed still carried her own scent faintly.

But he went and put his scent in the room she had been filling with Sam’s, and it turned her stomach. The scent other than her mate's in such a sacred place makes her want to cry. Any other male, and she’d likely have burst into tears the moment she smelled their scent, so she’s at least thankful that it was only Dean. But it still upsets her.

How could her pup feel safe in a place that smelled of an alpha that wasn’t its father? How would it feel safe knowing that any wolf could barge in at any time?

“Baby girl,” Sam murmurs as he opens the door. He nods to her, holding out his hand for her to take. “Here, I’m right here with you. I think I covered it all wth my own scent.”

She laces her fingers through his, cautiously stepping through the threshold and taking a deep inhale of the air.

She doesn’t catch any immediate whiff of Dean’s scent, but she isn’t going to let her guard down.

“I touched everything,” Sam tells her, drawing her into his chest. “All the walls, the table, your dresser. Everything.”

She takes another breath and notes the strength of his scent through the room, and she looks up at him curiously, eyebrows raised.

He slightly smirks.

“I did what I had to do. I wasn’t going to let all of your hard work go to waste,” he tells her, sliding a hand that carries a powerful amount of his scent along her cheek. “It’s a beautiful nest. I’m proud of it, and I know our pup will love it.”

She beams under his praise, looking over to the nest she had prepared before looking back to him.

“Is it okay?” he asks gently, looking at her. “If I change the lock tomorrow, will you feel okay in here?”

“Yeah,” she nods, and he smiles at her. “I think so.”

“Do you want to sleep in here tonight?” he asks, gently drawing his fingers through her hair.

She pauses for a moment, then takes a deep breath. It was just Dean, she has to tell herself.

“You have to sleep closer to the door,” she tells him, rubbing her stomach slowly. “That way anything has to go through you to get to us.”

“Of course, gorgeous,” he strokes her hair again. “Let’s go to bed.”

She nods and leads him to their nest, where he toes off his boots and pulls off his shirt before holding it out to her.

She smiles sheepishly as she presses it to her face and inhales deeply, then tucks it under her pillow as she crawls into bed.

He follows shortly after, and she makes sure that her nest is adequate for the two of them before settling in and tucking into his side.

“It’s perfect,” he tells her, as though he knows that she needs the reassurance after the ordeal from a few moments ago. “I love you, my omega.”

“I love you too,” she states, and he looks down at her. She giggles slightly.

“I think you’re forgetting something, baby girl,” he states, and she smiles at him before leaning up to kiss him.

“I love you, my alpha.”

~

Tell me what you thought!

#melanie-writes-supernatural #sam smut #sam #Sam Winchester #dean fluff #dean x reader #dean smut #dean #dean winchester #sam x reader #sam fluff #Sam smut #spn imagine #spn fluff #spn smut #spn #cute #fluff #a/b/o #a/b/o dynamics #nesting #Sam a/b/o

[got-to-love-a-badboy]

Runway part 3

DownUnder - hey guys hope your all well! I'm in the apartment all unpacked, Sarah thank you for giving me the best the tour

Hair - I bet she did 😜

Me Nat and Fin are just boarding we will be with you guys soon!

SadieBaby - Im just leaving the airport il be there soon!

Sarebear - really Keery! Very mature 😒

Missed you babes!

Yay! Hurry up Sadie! 😍

I'm going to make lunch later if you want to come over Dacre and Sadie?

SadieBaby - I'm down for it!

DownUnder - yeah of course! Thank you!

NoNo - aww man I'm going to miss out on lunch! Just arriving at the airport.

LowLow - we can go out tomorrow too when everyone is here 😊

McCaleb - I wish I had got an earlier flight 😒 2 hours until I board!

Sarebear - am I ok to come over Dacre and wait for Sadie?

DownUnder - yeah sure!

Natsprat - ok guys were setting off, see you all soon!!

Millie - safe flight guys I'm boarding now too see you soon!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sarah knocked on the apartment door tidying her dress up as she waited for Dacre to answer, "hey! Welcome back" he smiled at her, "hey, how you liking the apartment?" Sarah asked as she walked in and sat on the sofa, "ye it's nice, enjoying the calm before everyone gets here" he says laughing, "oh ye it can be crazy, You know where I am if you need to escape the madness, although Chloe and Katie can be a little crazy" they both laughed, it was quiet for a minute until Dacre spoke up, "how old is your daughter again?" Sarah smiled thinking about her "she's 2 and a half, I couldn't imagine my life without her, you will see her when you come for lunch but I warn you she will probably have you with hair clips in before you leave" she smiled shaking her head, "oh god, it's ok I'm used to it I have a sister" Dacre said looking at her smile.

There was a knock at the door and the pair smiled at each other and headed for the door, Dacre opened it and it was Sadie, "hey guys!" She said getting them both in a hug, after they did the greeting and Sadie took her bags upstairs they headed over to Sarah's apartment for lunch.

"Mummy!" Katie Shouted once the door opened and ran in to her arms, "hey baby girl did you miss me?" Sarah asked while hugging her daughter, "yep!" Katie said as she looked at the two strangers stood behind her mom, Sarah noticed her staring, "oh baby these two guys are going to be working on our show! How exciting!? Say hello to Dacre and Sadie", the little girl whispered a faint "hi".

Sadie stepped forward and said "Hello Katie I'm Sadie I love your dress!" She smiled at her then looked at Dacre, he stepped forward and kissed her hand "hello beautiful I'm Dacre" she looked at Sarah and smiled at her before wriggling to get down and ran over to Chloe who was sat on the floor surrounded by dolls, "Hey guys I would get up and greet you but you see me and Katie are in the middle of a tea party, isn't that right Katie?" "Yep!" She said before running over to Sadie and Dacre and grabbing their hands, "tea for you" she said dragging them over to the spot on the floor.

"Make yourselves comfortable il be in the kitchen checking lunch" Sarah said as she chuckled to herself heading into the kitchen.

The rest of the afternoon went really well, they all chatted and found out bits about each other but it was around 5pm and everyone else was due in any minute, so Sarah, Dacre and Sadie headed back over the the main apartment and Chloe stayed behind to bath Katie, she was going to join then when they all arrived before her bedtime.

Dacre's POV

It was fun playing with Katie she's such a cute kid, very much like her mom, actually I wonder what she's up to, I headed into the kitchen because she said she was prepping lunch, I walk down the hall and I hear music and singing, quietly poking my head around the corner I see Sarah dancing alone in the kitchen to Bruno Mars that's what I like, I stand there for a while taking in the beauty in front of me, I thought she was beautiful the minute I laid eyes on her but seeing her with Katie and watching her naturally like this is breath taking.

Then she turns around, "oh god" she says and turns back around putting her face in her hands laughing, I walk over to her and hug her "hey! it was pretty good" she hugged me back for a second then looked up at me "join me" and she began dancing again, I took her hand and we danced around the kitchen like crazy people for a few minutes then she leant her back onto my chest laughing, I put my arm around her stomach and kissed her cheek, "your too cute..... you need a hand with lunch" she smiled at me and nodded, I took the knife from the side and began preparing the salad.

——Present time in the main apartment ——

It was now 8pm and everybody had arrived, they were all sat on the couches watching a film, Nat Charlie Millie and Fin were on one, Sadie, Caleb, Joe and Chloe were on the other and Dacre and Sarah were sharing the big chair with Katie on Sarah's knee with Gaten and Noah on the floor at their feet. Sarah looked around the room smiling at how much she loved her life and the people in it, she looked to her side and Dacre was looking at her, "hey" she said quietly, he winked at her then looked down at Katie "oh Sarah...she's asleep" smiling down at her.

Sarah got up from her seat "I'm heading home guys, little miss is asleep" they all looked at her and cood at how cute she was, they all said their goodbyes and Sarah got up and walked over to the door, "Sarah wait" she turned around to see Dacre coming towards her, she smiled at him and waited for him to speak "I wish you could stay longer but can I text you?" Rubbing the back of he's neck, "I know me too, but mom life" she laughed "but yeah sure you can" they hugged and she walked over to her apartment.

——— texts Dacre and Sarah———

Dacre - Hey, is the princess in bed? X

Read 8:45

................ 9pm .......................

Sarah - Sorry I didn't reply I got a phone call from the duffers they want a meeting with me in the morning 🤷🏻‍♀️ X

Sarah - 😍 yeah she's was wiped out, it's been an eventful day for her.

Dacre - Its fine doll! Oh ok you know why? X

Sarah - Nope I asked and they said we will speak tomorrow!

Read 9:05

.............. 9:15 ..............

Dacre - so this is weird! I have a meeting in the morning too at 9. X

Sarah - WTH! they are meeting me at 9! This is so strange.x

Dacre - well it is stranger things 😂 x

Sarah - you didn't! Oh lord 🙄x

Dacre - don't hate me because you ain't me! X

Sarah - WOW you're been very extra! you have only been with Joe for a day and he's rubbing off on you, I'm making up the sofa! I will save you Dacre!! X

Dacre - 😂 🤣😂

Joe is cool right? X

Sarah - he's the best honestly I love the guy, me and Millie have been trying to set up Joe and Chloe for the last year! It's proving difficult, she won't leave me alone and Joe keeps dimming down he's feelings for her but we know he loves her! X

Dacre - you know I got that vibe when I saw them! I thought they had a past, or maybe you and Joe had a past 🙈😭 x

Sarah - REALLY! No just no, I love him but like a brother. X

Dacre - Good to know 😉I'm joining the Jooe bandwagon I ship that! Let me talk to him guy to guy.

Sarah - yes Dacre! Welcome to the crew 😍 anyways I'm going to bed il see to you tomorrow nice and early for our meeting! Goodnight 😘 x

Dacre - goodnight love! 😘

[tonethegay]

1-154

1:Full name.- Toni Rivera2:Zodiac sign.- The best sign of them all... Aries !3:3 fears.- the dark, losing my bff, and um failing4:3 things I love.my bff.. duh, video games and being a streamer/creator5:4 turn on’s.- big butt, nice smile, great humor/personality, nice boobs 6:4 turn off’s.- negativity, liars, hypocrites, and i don't know7:My best friend?- @queenfvckit8:Sexual orientation?- Gayyyyy9:My best first date?- haven't had one 10:How tall am I?- 5'6"11:What do I miss?- not a what but who.. my dad, uncle and cousin12:What time was I born?-9 something am13:Favorite color?- Green 14:Do I have a crush?- what even is that !? 15:Favorite quote?- When you've reached a certain point of your life, there are people out there waiting to see you fall,but rather than let gravity take you down, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands and fly!16:Favorite place?- My Tigers Den aka my recording and streaming area aka my bedroom 17:Favorite food?- Pizza 🍕 😋18:Do I use sarcasm?- lmfao never 19:What am I listening to right now?- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air20:First thing I notice in new person?- Smile or eyes 21:Shoe size?- 7 in men and 8 in woman but i wear men's shoes always 22:Eye color?- Light brown23:Hair color? - brown 24: Favorite style of clothing?- comfy, stylish, men's clothes 25:Ever done a prank call?- yes 😂26:What color of underwear I’m wearing now?- black boxer briefs 27:Meaning behind my URL?- some people call me Tone and I'm gay so i combined the two28:Favorite movie?- umm this is a hard one but um either Captain America Civil War or the Fast and Furious series. 29:Favorite song?- Ooh 😲 this ones super tough. i'll say Mark My Words by Justin Bieber 30:Favorite band?- don't have one31:How I feel right now?- in pain cuz the right side of my ribs hurt when i laugh or breathe too heavy. 32:Someone I love.- My bff33:My current relationship status.- Single 34:My relationship with my parents.- Dads dead and don't talk to my mom much35:Favorite holiday.- Easter36:Tattoos and piercing I have.- 3 tats all on my left arm (3 roses on my inner forearm, tigers eyes on the outer forearm close to the wrist and a matching sister tattoo on my inner bicep), and just my ears pierced. 37:Tattoos and piercing I want.- lots more tattoos i want to have a full sleeve at some point and maybe my tongue and maybe big maybe my nose 38:The reason I joined Tumblr.- cuz i wanted to be gayer 39:Do I and my last ex hate each other?- well she hates me (lmao that's what she says cuz she's a pain in the ass) but i still love her, we're best friends 40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts?- well yeah41:Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?- nope42:When did I last hold hands?- um i held my nephews hand today, does that count ? 43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?- maybe 30 minutes 44:Have I shaved my legs in the past three days? - nope 👎🏼 but you can't really tell either, it's def been like 3 weeks45: Where am I right now?- in my not so comfy bed 46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?- it better be my bff 47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?- loud af48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad?- no i do not49:Am I excited for anything?- to be financially stable with some extra spending money but something a little sooner than that going back to school for a degree in graphic design50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?- nah (don't have many friends)51:How often do I wear a fake smile?- not very often but it does happen occasionally 52:When was the last time I hugged someone?- i hugged my nephew a few hours ago53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?- well if we've both moved on then just gotta except it 54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?- um not sure55:What is something I disliked about today?- i streamed too late56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?- Selena Gomez 😍😝57:What do I think about most?- making it as a streamer/ gamer and meeting my bff 58:What’s my strangest talent?- i'm untalented so nothing 59:Do I have any strange phobias?- not that i know of 60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?- in front now but it hasn't always been that way61:What was the last lie I told?- hell i don't know. i do my best to be as honest as possible 62:Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?- since i've met my bff... both !63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?- Yes and Yes64:Do I believe in magic?- Hell yes65:Do I believe in luck?- to an extent66:What’s the weather like right now?- a bit cool67:What was the last book I’ve read?- The making of Optic Gaming 68:Do I like the smell of gasoline?- yes69:Do I have any nicknames?- Tone, Baloney70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?- nothing horrible but i messed up my rotator cup in my left shoulder 71:Do I spend money or save it?- both, i save money so i can spend it 72:Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - wth of course i can touch my nose with a tongue but touching my nose with MY tongue no i can't 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?- i have pink writing on my t shirt 74:Favorite animal?- Tiger75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM?- talking on the phone and working on my laptop76:What do I think Satan’s last name is?- James 😂 jk i don't fucking know77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?- anything edm or Bieber78:How can you win my heart? - be yourself, be positive and a good sense of humor79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?- Here lies the best fucking person ever Tone Balone aka Toni Rivera80:What is my favorite word?- um i'm not even sure 81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr?- @queenfvckit- @1beyond-it- @wevegothighhopes- @bieber-news- @selenagomez-updates 😍82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?- please subscribe to me on youtube and connect with me on all my social medias to stay up to date on what i'm doing and when i'll be uploading or streaming (insert list of social media accounts) 83:Do I have any relatives in jail?- yes unfortunately #FreeJonathan84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?- Read people's mind85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?- no idea, never really thought about it86:What is my current desktop picture?- Captain America87:Had sex?- yes88:Bought condoms?- no89:Gotten pregnant?- noooooo90:Failed a class?- yes 91:Kissed a boy?- unfortunately 92:Kissed a girl?- only in my dreams but hopefully irl really really soon93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?- no but that's hella cute and goals af94:Had job?- yep 👍🏼 95:Left the house without my wallet?- fuck yes and it pisses me off every time96:Bullied someone on the Internet?- never 97:Had sex in public?- no98:Played on a sports team?- hell yeah 99:Smoked weed?- not yet100:Did drugs?- nah101:Smoked cigarettes?- second hand but that's it102:Drank alcohol?- once but it was gross 103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan?- fuck no104:Been overweight?- well yeah 105:Been underweight?- nope106:Been to a wedding?- yes 107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?- fuck yes all the damn time really, it's my unpaid job (for now)108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight?- used to109:Been outside my home country?- nope110:Gotten my heart broken?- yes111:Been to a professional sports game?- yes112:Broken a bone?- never 113:Cut myself?- on purpose no by accident a whole fucking lot114:Been to prom?- nope115:Been in airplane? - yes but i was a baby 116: Fly by helicopter?- nope but i was supposed to but couldn't because of weather conditions 117:What concerts have I been to?- R. Kelly, N'SYNC and um that's it i think118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex?- well duh that's how being gay works 119:Learned another language?- eh120:Wore make up?- like twice121:Lost my virginity before I was 18?- no122:Had oral sex?- no123:Dyed my hair?- no124:Voted in a presidential election?- yes.. twice125:Rode in an ambulance?- nope but i've been inside one to learn about what's in it126:Had a surgery?- nopers127:Met someone famous?- i wish128:Stalked someone on a social network?- lmao who hasn't !? 129:Peed outside?- not that i can think of130:Been fishing?- sure have 131:Helped with charity?- yes Relay For Life and many others132:Been rejected by a crush?- um probably 133:Broken a mirror?- no134:What do I want for birthday?- a gaming pc and gaming chair135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names?- maybe two, for a boy Christian or Vince maybe even Anthony or Christian Anthony yep that's the one and for a girl hmm 🤔 Katie 136:Was I named after anyone?- yes, my dad. they thought i was gonna be a boy so i would've been a jr but then i ended up being a girl so they just named me Toni instead of Anthony obvi 137:Do I like my handwriting?- fuck no 138:What was my favorite toy as a child?- Legos 139:Favorite TV Show?- Ugh so many but Pretty Little Liars140:Where do I want to live when older?- well i'm 23 but i'd love to live in Cali or Canada 141:Play any musical instrument?- yes drums and a little guitar. been a while since i've played either one tho142:One of my scars, how did I get it?- On my cheek and neck, i was attacked by a dog when i was younger and it scratched me pretty deep, had to get stitches.143:Favorite pizza topping?- cheese but if it's Pizza Hut pepperoni is delicious144:Am I afraid of the dark?- yes 145:Am I afraid of heights?- no way146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?- yeah of course147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?- um i don't remember 148:What I’m really bad at.- expressing myself 149:What my greatest achievements are.- sleeping 150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me.- shut the fuck up fat ass 151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery.- well depends on how much it is, but buy a car, house, have the ultimate gaming setup/ room, visit my bff, give money to some people in my immediate family and the bff152:What do I like about myself?- my smile and eyes 153:My closest Tumblr friend.- @queenfvckit154:Something I fantasies about.- sex with a girl155:Any question you’d like- why am i so amazing ? welp you can thank my parents for that but that's a question you have to ask my creator cuz i couldn't tell ya 😂🙌🏼😍

[metamorphosingbrick]

One last time

st He is back and i have no clue whow to deal with the vaccum. I have no feelings but my heart starts beating really fast. I dont want to care to be honest but the truth cannot be denied. It feels awfully bad to not have what you desire and that person living under the same roof. 

This is probably the last time i will mention anyone, anything- I will probably stay silent. Choose to stay quiet in the lot and be on my own. I want to be the girl i was who when someone ignored, went right upto them to remind them that I gnore your more than he ignored me. 

I wish to be the fearless girl who once in office just knew that every problem has a solution and it cannot be justified if someone did not come up with one. Live is much difficult around here to give two fucks to be honest. 

I want to validate every thought but not with you anymore. I have greater things to do and more important things to take care of. So, i am going to just study and get done with my part of the job. The main idea is to not lose focus and concentrate as much as possible in my life. 

We all fall apart but giving up is not an option. We don’t give up on situations because every problem has a solution. Studies are better than exam - they love you if you love them dearly. Better than cigarettes which does not ruin your health or wealth. You say no to them and a no means no. Anxiety or no anxiety, it does not make sense if one has to deliver eveything by themselves. Every task on this face of earth is doable. 

Except making a person love you or care for you. Stay silent and that’s all which can be regarded. Just shut yourself down and you’ll know how many things you notice and observe 

We cannot take into account the beauty of concealing the scars. What we can regard as important is the emrgence of understanding the dept of the wound and how things can be responded in accordnace to that. The wounds will be lovely in the skin, a gush of invisible blood - pouring into the ears of people. It is the expectation and desire of human which makes a person hover over the flat surface and cry out loud for the point it is required to make. The dramatic dilemma added into the soil can be understood wth the tears flushed down the drain. 

This is a situation i cannot run over in my head but simply behave with the flow. The love is incurable disease which once entered our heart - it shuts logic down. It becomes inexplicable to the people in front with the idea of incurabiliy and no ray of hope or no light in the end of the tunnel. We can rejoice with the choices made over the past or just accept the incurability of the situation. It is a virus which runs through our blood and probably an external blow of injection can cure the disease. The crying or leaking your feelings over others will make things worst. This year has already taught me so many lessons, it becomes a beautiful journey in itself to enjoy and ponder on. 

Starting from the new year’s eve, the night where i wrapped myself with a human who was no stranger to my heartbeats and enjoyed the power he had over me. The fun and frolic a person feels when they have the other perosn over their impression is a beautiful feeling. I know because i am no starnber to the spell myself. It’s an unconscious thing. Trying ot handle every part of my asisgnment which coudl not be caotured in the rear view of the situation but alas, i lost the hope and faith. But from 16th I reconquered myself with the amount of life i need to breathe in a few justification of success. A thridt to prve myself my value and if i see a hollistic view, the pang and animosity will take me noweher but breaking the jedgements of peopel and the fun of tastig success will be my endeavour. I will recapture every battle i lose wih the grace of god and balance my life the way i want it to go. Not wasting more than 10 minutes talking. Not bothering about anybdy exceot the people i really care aboutlike my family. Not talking and wasting time over love and bullshit. There is no thing as love. What someone said recently to me, was the idea of being emotionally stable which is important. If someone can be logical and practical in controlling their emotions- they win the battles in life and rule the world. When i pass this course, i will rule over the world and enjoy my life to the fullest like everyday is my last. 

The most achieveable things is what you dream and if you can dream it, you can do it. Finishing everyday goals through taking action and making the world a better place by contributing your ideas for betterment. I know no guy will be with me until i learn to be with myself. At that time i was ready to be with myself hence somoene could love me. I was willing to help through the process to myself and heart break was not a big deal to run through. 

You see yourself, 5 years down the line. I can see a heart broken girl who has hidden her feelings and emotions inside her files and papers. A very cynical individual who does not beleieve in stopping the wheel, who believes in breaking the wheel and asking people to run behind her in every sense. People will treat ourselves as we treat us, if i treat myself with repsect - people will do the same. If i am all work and no play then they will take me serously, how difficult is it, to make things different without context. One thing i have learnt firstly in this house more because of steoehn is how to ignore things whenever possible. Ignoring people followed by ignoring the person’s feelings. But no more, i will treat myself according to the time gifted to me by the universe. Utilise every bit of it and relish the ideas to make myself a better human my parents would be proud of. It’s true when maa said that when things go wrong, they blame the mothers and daughters themselves. Each day i will remind myself of all teh sufferings i went through to be a part of this universe. the anxiety and horror of the situation which i faced just to emerge enlightened and loved by myself. I will commit from today onwards to my books and career because it wont wake up one morning and say i dont like you like that anymore or god wanted this to happened and leave. I will have a stable guy who i dont love and be independent of all the needs and desires. 

From today onwards, i will talk less and less possible and work more and more as i advance. No give a shit about what people feel and just do my work like laying the brick mostly perfectly as a brick can be laid. The watch is the time keeper which will witness my chnage and sing with joy in every success melody. I will talk more logical and insightfully by doing homeowrk and keeping lists.

The world is there to eatch you and not punish you. Just the humans are not believeable and not worth spending time about. My phone and anxiety will be doble tapped to knock out. The peron beside me will hear no voice of mine untill - he or she thins i am intimidating. The world would be a different place and I would be a different perosn. The one who just talks when required and every word would make more sense to everyone that they will quote me. That is how i want to be, knwoledgeable and bold, Who cannot be hurt or bend over to have fun with or bullied to the point where she shuts and reflects on her decisions. There will be no advancement in the issues anymore and everything i say will be taken seriously with the idea that my words add value to the world. Be it James or Stephen, nobody can come cose to the idea because i wont be scraed or timid or expressive anymore but bold, fearless and unapproachable. We all change and become the humans we were destined to be, I will be the same and i will be successful in everything i touch because i will lay the brick as perfectly a brick can be laid to build the wall around me to not let people see my emotions.I will be that person quite soon. We come into the world with a purpose, when someone is earning money, nobody cares to ask the rank because its evident that money is equal to a high rank. I will recah that rank very soon and accomplish what i have came here to accomplish. In the coming months, I will talk less without emotions getting involved, pull my guards up and not talk that i will regret and stay away from Stephen. laugh and smile less to the point where people see a serious face. The interesting thing wil always be how people thought i was the fool who understood nothing but i will turn out to be the branie. Yes, this reuqires practise but learning the hard way - we change ourseleves and becime who we were destined to become. No talkings and not caring what they say about you - we are the real deal. I can visualise my tomorrow starting to end the Agile framework by 3 and lseeping till 7 am to wake up and go for a run for 15 mins and yoga for 10 minutes with stretch and surya namaskar - this goes with a bath and then leaving for college to work on the case study. I will discuss and put forward right points to the meeting and make james think and go yes. I will conquer tomorrow’s discussion. Post meeting i will start off iwth the 5th and 6th prt of agile by 4pm. Sit with Shalu from 4 to 6 to start my campaign on marketing for movies. Make a logo and download adobe to create an instagram channel talking weekly themes and genres and wriitng how it could have been marketed differently. How movie marketing can be started off with the blend of digital media and outdoor campaigns. best of movie outdoor campaigns- best ambient movie ad- how can you apply it too ypur shirt documentary - collab with documentary. Then come back home to read the questions and answers to explore the qestions in the website. This can be followed by reading up all the questions and answers in the leaflet to understand the frameworks and agile techniques again. tomorrow i wont be clulesless and thisis exactly how the day wil go and I will learn to do smart work. this would make me regret less about my existence as i am in control of every frame of the situation. Love the way you can behave and make things better ofr good of the people. DOnt forget to eat fruits and not smoke and pray to god for such a life. You are talented and gifted but the actions you atke now, the future self will be proud of you. Beautiful in every way possible. Love you and love your ideas. Talk less, remember to control your emotions and not react to everything. You protect yourself and if you mean no harm to anyone then yes, you should not feel bad about anything. I love you a lot 

[jennmoslek36]

  MAY 2018

SUNDAY OF MEMORIAL weekend was the day we’d decided on as “D” Day…Unbeknownst to us, good ‘Ole Mother Nature had her own “D” Day  in mind; A FREAKING Tropical Depression (I actually don’t know WTH it was BUT I don’t think it had a name!)! Of course a little TD wasn’t going to stop us…OK, SO I was going come Hell OR High Water, Literally…It was the Bestie who wasn’t so sure. I spent Friday checking the Marianna weather report hourly. I then spent Saturday checking the weather every 10 to 15 minutes! Rain! NOT just a summer shower OR a few sprinkles off & on BUT torrential, sub tropical, ALL DAMN DAY rain! Even worse, was it wasn’t just our area it would be state wide. Our area would get the brunt between midnight & 8am but the bans of the storm would be reaching Jackson County before we did! The ONLY glimmer of hope was that the hourly weather forecast for Marianna had wild mood swings….It would be an 80% chance of strong wind & storms at 10am but 11am it would drop to 20% for a couple of hours before picking back up again! I didn’t care, I was going for it. No…Matter…What.

SUNDAY MORNING WE got up early & of course a look out the window confirmed the weather report. It was pouring! I’m stubborn, I didn’t care what was going on outside…Like I’ve said tons of times in the past & will probably repeat a billion more times, my Bestie is NOT just a trooper, she’s a freaking Saint!! I ONLY got a couple of eyerolls before we both grabbed our stuff & made our way to the car. We made one stop for much needed coffee & we were officially on the road.

  RAIN…

AND MORE STINKING RAIN!

RAIN…

  MISMATCHED SOCKS & A NEED TO PEE!

TAMPA TRAFFIC IS never fun, even under the bluest of skies & the best circumstances, so I fully prepared myself for the normal annoying delay. It never happened! We drove through Tampa with little issue & by the time we were about an hour into the drive, the rain was mostly a light drizzle. We were really close to the Bestie’s house & since 50% of us had to take a bathroom break while the other 50% discovered that she had accidentally packed 2 different socks, we decided to stop. Pulling into her driveway we noticed that not only had the rain stopped but we could see an occasional break in the clouds. For the first time in days, I took a breath & felt kinda relieved. Maybe things were working out. A few minutes later we were back on the road & the remainder of the drive was pretty smooth. As the Marianna exit sign came into view, anticipation was high. We jumped off the interstate, onto the now familiar SR 276 & within minutes the school came into view. This was it…What did Dozier have in store for us today?

  WE HAVE ARRIVED!

  STANDING OUR GROUND ON THE GROUNDS…

WE HAD LITERALLY been on the North Campus property when we noticed that we were not alone. Further up the hill we could make out a man & woman standing near a brown car. They appeared to be looking at one of the buildings & they kept the car running. We pulled over in front of the dog rescue, got out & immediately locked eyes with the couple. The chess match began instantly…We stayed standing in place for several minutes, as did they, each of us not willing to concede. They finally started walking to their car & got in, driving slowly back down the hill…They would have to pass us to go anywhere else, no way around it…So, I decided to offer up a white flag, walking up the sidewalk to the door of the dog rescue. I wasn’t sure who they were OR why they were there BUT maybe if they thought we were just checking out the rescue, they’d finish whatever they were doing & leave. As I was walking back to the car, not only did I see the couple still sitting in their running car but I noticed a long, grayish stick stretched out across the sidewalk…Except it wasn’t a stick, it was a freaking snake…WTH?!?! It didn’t even move when I started walking, giving me no choice but to step over it! I did my Forrest Gump run, knees to chin, waving my hands over my head like a crazy person. The Bestie was sitting in the car & didn’t even bat an eye at my insane antics. The good news is the couple in the car finally started driving down the hill, probably thinking they were seeing an escaped mental patient doing the crazy dance! We watched them drive past us & right off the property. GOOD, we won…Well, Kind of….

  SNAKES=1 – US=0

  SNAKE COUNTER:🐍

  PICK A DOOR VANNA!

WE DECIDED TO continue up the hill, to the hospital. We pulled the car into the grassy area, jumped out & I showed her the place in the bushes where a tree had squashed a section of fence down. Problem number 1: Florida loves its vegetation & it had not spared the North Campus of Dozier. We kept getting tangled up in vines & smacked in the face with branches…An issue I didn’t have when I was there in February. I grabbed the metal fence post & hauled myself up & onto the rotting tree trunk, slowly inching my way to the other side. You could definitely feel that all of the water saturating the trunk had weakened there were a few steps I took where pieces snapped off under my feet but I finally jumped down on the other side. The Bestie had the same issue getting across but after a couple of minutes we had both made it to the other side…And there it still stood. The hospital building. This time I had backup & would get to see all of the rooms that I had previously skipped! Jesus, I had absolutely NO idea the amount of disturbing things we were about to lay eyes on. I told the Bestie to pick a door to start with & she ended up picking the same door that I had on my last trip, the one that you step through into a long dark hallway.

    THE HORRORS OF THE PAST

ONLY 4 STEPS inside & we were at the 1st door. An office, the same office that I was in before. We could hear the rain starting again & the wind picking up. Because of the bad weather, it was quite dark inside. We were armed with our flashlights & lanterns & my personal favorite, the 2 prong, metal, extendable hot dog roasting sticks that the Bestie had brought along as protection…She’s very forward thinking!

  Did You Really Think I’d Leave Out Pics Of Our Best Weapon/Most Useful Tool?!?

  THE DOOR TO the office was in the exact position it had been in 2 months prior; Half open so that you could just make out the rusted metal desk at the back of the room & some of the debris on top but not really open enough to see the entire room, including behind the door where I knew there was a closet. One of us shined a flashlight through that crack while the other shined a flashlight inside the room, inching the door open. After what felt like an hour, we finally stepped inside & it was just as I remembered it…Dirty, Dank & still littered from top to bottom with old school paperwork. This time the Bestie opened that closet door & What sat inside didn’t just turn our stomachs but literally made my skin literally crawl…

    THINGS JUST GOT REAL

STANDING OVER BY the desk, trying to pick up ANY paperwork I could get my hands on, I hear the Bestie say “Holy Shit!” Most would quickly run across the room, anticipating what they were going to see BUT I have been on the receiving end of plenty of Bestie “Holy Shits” & ALL of them didn’t end well for me (Graveyard dirt in mouth, full apparition jumping into the grave next to me…I could go on BUT you probably get my point!) So I literally tiptoed slowly to the other side of the room. What the Hell did she find?? I was muttering to myself “Please don’t be a body OR body parts OR…WTF IS THAT?? It was an old, metal exam table crammed into the closet! Jesus Christ!

    I STARED IN shock at it for several minutes before taking a few steps back. As I did my foot connected with something metallic that made a clanging noise when it moved. I shined my flashlight down on the concrete floor & identified what had made the noise & just as I reached down to grab one of the rusty, spikey objects the Bestie walked over & says “That looks like a stirrup!” A stirrup, possibly for an exam table? A quick Google search confirmed it. Those hadn’t been on the floor when I was here last time, so it was safe to assume that someone had been in the building in between my last trip & now & they had definitely been doing more than just looking around.

***Side Note…I was later able to date the exam table & stirrups to between the mid 1960’s to the early 1970’s.*** 

    WHAT ELSE WOULD WE FIND?

WANTING TO ESCAPE from room number one, we cut through the dirty little attached bathroom & entered room number two. It was just as tattered but 3 times the size of the previous. It was also a bit more bright, making it easier to see our surroundings. Another old metal desk sat on the far wall & as I moved toward it I could see some type of book sitting on top. It was a bible. It was torn in half & the pages were damp. I recalled something I’d read saying that each new student would be given a new bible the day of arrival. Deciding it could be important, I took out a zip lock bag & gently  placed both halves into it. There wasn’t much more to see in this room so we moved through another door, taking us back out into the dark hallway. The rain was still coming down as we walked down the hallway & through an old rotting door, into the final room. There wasn’t much to look at inside but it was still a mess. There was an old wooden school desk & several broken doors.

    THE BESTIE DECIDED that it would be a great idea to step down on one of those doors, causing both of us to jump when a loud shatter of broken glass echoed through the room. Apparently, the old door had been a pane of glass at the top & when she stepped down it was so brittle that it just broke apart.

  YEP, I THINK WE BOTH PEED A LITTLE!

  WHEN WE FINALLY left the room, we had 2 options…Go back out the same way we came & reenter the middle area from the 2nd door outside OR go out the back area down some concrete steps to see what we could access from behind. We chose the latter option & exited the rear of the building into the rain. 

  I HAD NO clue what we would find from this point on as I was now also seeing things for the 1st time….BUT I can say we were in for quite an eye opening & sometimes disturbing remainder of the day.

  TO BE CONTINUED….

  ☆ IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW WERE HOUSED AT “THE FLORIDA INDUSTRIAL SCHOOL FOR BOYS” AKA “THE ARTHUR G DOZIER SCHOOL FOR BOYS” OR THE OKEECHOBEE SCHOOL FOR BOYS, PLEASE REACH OUT VIA HERE AT findingflorida.blog OR ANY OF THE CONTACT INFO LISTED BELOW!!☆

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  HEADING BACK TO DOZIER ~ Pt. 1: Disturbing Finds Inside Of The Infirmary MAY 2018 SUNDAY OF MEMORIAL weekend was the day we'd decided on as "D" Day...Unbeknownst to us, good 'Ole Mother Nature had her own "D" Day  in mind; A FREAKING Tropical Depression (I actually don't know WTH it was BUT I don't think it had a name!)!

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