#it's a good book I love it it's just terrifying

[whoisthispersonwow]

Hello people of tumblr! :)

I am not used to using this app but I thought i would give it a shot as the fandom works featured here are straight up the best things i've found on the internet, and the community seems just AMAZING on all regards!!! So I thought, yk, that I would share my ideas for this AU fic that perhaps maybe I would write sometimes...... idk....

Actor Bucky x Model Buck

Set in the 90s, this AU follows this rough outline : despite the 90s being a time of counterculture for the youth, (grunge, alternative movies being pushed forward and towards larger audiences) and being out of the 80s and all it entails (glam rock and so on) there was this paradoxally reinforced idea of masculinity (leather jackets, men having to be "strong", etc.) and lattent ideas of homosexuality being a "bad, filthy thing" in some places, interlinked with the misinformations concerning the HIV epidemic (if you're gay, you'll get AIDS, you'll die in a few months, all this stuff), which causes the Bucks have to hide their relationship from the public in fear of retaliation and backlash.

Buck is a male model, in a decade in which supermodels are emerging, and put on a pedestal : it's a decent job for him, despite not being a Claudia Schiffer or a Kate Moss (as female models, especially in that decade, were getting paid way more than male models, and overall just represented couture houses more than men did.). People know his face, he's had a few campaigns, but it's not enough to make him one of the A-list celebrities, not that he minds. He's slimmer than what is the norm for male models, but compensates it with his face : it is his strength as much as his weakness concerning bookings. He is known by his peers as this wise and generally kind man, not overly flairy as people can sometimes be in their industry, and overall very discreet about his personal life. He is extremely professional, a master of his craft that knows exactly what is expected of him at any time.

Bucky, on the other hand, is an actor. Freshly discovered among the rest of a new generation of actors, he climbs steadily and surely his way to the top, and has people from all over the USA watching his career with interest. He acts in movies which in our timeline would feel like "The Matrix" ; "Trainspotting" ; "Fight Club", and all of those sorts of very "mainstream yet still posessing their bit a flair" movies. He's extending his choices and taking more risks, ones that could perhaps lead him to great rewards (not that he is especially looking for it : Bucky would be content to act in a short movie by a middle schooler if it was done with love and passion.) Charming, bubbly, he is loved by many of teenage girls (and others, ofc :p). Everyone has a story about Bucky, be it good or bad. "Oh yeah, he bought me a car when mine broke down" says a make-up artist on a set. "He got so drunk he forgot I was here and punched me square in the face when i got up to pee" says his friend Curt Biddick.

(i made an ugly ass moodboard for the vibes)

-> now i'm gonna dump random infos for no particular reasons

TW : mentions of drugs, alcohol, homophobic cliches.

-They met at a party/gala of some sort for a brand, for which Buck modeled and Bucky was ambassador : it didn't click right away, but closely enough for it to feel like fate played a part in it.

-Buck is kind of excluded during parties as he's fully sober, whether it's from drugs or alcohol : a rarity, in the modeling world, and often not a welcome one.

-Bucky on the other hand, is a bit too much of a party monster : he drinks a lot, perhaps snorts a little cocaine in the bathroom, takes a little speed... Which GREATLY concerns Buck.

-Bucky is as cocky in his confidence and his career as he fears (and represses A LOT) the possibility of everything tumbling down and just going back to being nobody (THIS MAN NEEDS TO BE LOVED BY EVERYONE)

-He's terrified that fame will change him, that he will become a parody version of himself, that people will only know and like the version of himself he presents them and nothing else, not seeing his worth as a person, as an individual of flesh and feelings.

-Between the two of them, he's the one who desperately wants to tell the general audience about their relationship, not caring about the consequences, because in his eyes, love is love, and there sure as hell ain't nothing wrong with loving Gale Cleven, and people should know that he loves him, that they love each other, that they're a pair, that life only ever feels complete when they stand side by side, hanging in each other's orbits. They sometimes argue over this.

-Buck, on the other hand, wishes for their relationship to stay a secret, as he fears if it was to be known, it would taint Bucky's image, this very manly, confident and suave man, mingle it with dumb cliches (in a gay couple one is a "Folle" and the other has to be effeminate, because they're like GIRLS yk) and that it would basically ruin his career, tarnish his talent and hard work, get him blacklisted from most studios/directors and only perhaps offered type-casted roles in homophobic movies written by straight men. Buck could not stand seeing the love of his life being disgraced in the public's eyes, just because of some dumbass cliches, because of his love for him.

-Marjorie (Marge) covers for Buck. She's his front : They are seen dining together and huddling on benches by paparazzis, giggling and talking as they walk in the street, and that's enough. Their story makes people dream, these two young people who grew up together and fell in love, still a couple until this day, still loving each other as much as they did on the first day... They are a lavender couple (when both member of a relationship are queer, and use their couple to cover any suspicions) which helps making Buck and Bucky seem like just buddies. Marjorie is most likely not famous, or if so, she'd be more of a writer than anything else.

-Bucky is EXTREMELY jealous and FUMES whenever he cannot kiss Buck in public, touch him, do his little Bucky things, make Buck feel his. Despite that, he's sort of reckless and allows himself gestures that would not fly were the two men not viewed as pinacle of masculinity and a great example of brotherly love. Buck can't even bring himself to ressent him for it, and does not hold it against him : he too wishes they could hold hands on red carpets.

-Bucky is basically a disaster waiting to happen at some point, a pressure cooker dangerously whistling : he bottles everything he feels, just grits his teeth and says he's fine when dark times arise, drowns himself in alcohol and wishes to forget about his worries, thinks about simpler times when he had none at all. Gale stays by his side, no matter what, no matter his terrifying relationship with alcohol and the memories of his father.

-They live together, despite the risks : Buck couldn't bear having to say no to Bucky when he bought their appartment with a huge check from the royalties he earned over his first blockbuster. It is approprietly cozy : most of the decorum is Buck's doing, but Bucky's things still find their ways in there ; baseball posters, pictures, awards and silly little drawings on stick-it notes... It feels like home, to both of them.

-They probably have bought some sort of ranch or farm, somewhere, to run away from the city when things get crazy : they bask reverently in the fact that there, nothing they do or say matters, watching the sunsets on their patios, enjoying the melody of nature without any civilization.

That's pretty much it for now, I'll most likely add things later! :D I'm begging you to excuse any mistake I made, i'm just a poor French person trying her best. Don't hesitate to tell me how you feel and stuff, I am so nervous to make this post you can't imagine lmaoo

To end things, I guess I'll just post an extract of a wip, a written transcription of a fake interview Bucky probably had on some talk show!!! :]

#clegan #buck x bucky #bucky x buck #gale cleven #john bucky egan #alternate universe #idk how to tag sorry #mota

[badaziraphaletakes]

Aziraphale is NOT "stubborn" about "getting over it". He voluntarily rebelled against heaven as far back as in Eden, then again in Uz and in 2019.

Also, who says he's never asked Crowley about his experiences? Maybe he did and Crowley told him. Or maybe Crowley told him never to ask. Or maybe he has the sense that Crowley doesn't *want* him to ask, and is being considerate. Or maybe he fears it would be dangerous for Crowley if hell overheard his answer. We just don't know.

And who says he wasn't learning the gavotte and doing deep thinking during that period of time? You can do both. Leaping to the conclusion that he spent all of the late 1800s doing nothing but prancing around the room is absolutely nasty. I guarantee he spent a good chunk of that time being devastated for Crowley and what he was suffering. (Learning to dance was almost certainly to take his mind off that.)

Don't come after my Autistic-coded angel's special interests - I will smite you with a flaming sword. Our boy is allowed to have some fun. His existence sucks to an unimaginable degree. He needs a diversion every once in a while. If doing a silly little dance gets him through, then let him have his blessed gavotte, for the love of Frances McDormand!

"Might have come to some conclusions that would have changed things" - the wording of this is incredibly vague, which isn't surprising, because if you were any more specific, this argument would fall apart. Because what could he change? Nothing. People love to talk about how Aziraphale should supposedly think different things, but are conspicuously silent on how, exactly, him having different beliefs would lead to an improvement in his or Crowley's circumstances. (Not to mention we don't *know* what Aziraphale actually believes about a lot of things because he isn't free to talk about it.)

THE PROBLEM IS NOT HIS BELIEFS - IT'S THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES.

(Side note: PLEASE stop with the "Aziraphale is really smart in *some ways*, but in other ways he's an idiot" takes. It's giving autiphobia and I really don't like it.)

"Can't see the forest for the trees" - what, precisely, can he not see? He is very much aware of the terrifying, violent angels ready to smite him if he puts one toe out of line and the terrifying, violent demons ready to torture Crowley or possibly just wipe him out of existence if Aziraphale takes any risks. He knows his situation sucks.

"Stuck in his identity" - the problem, again, is not Aziraphale's identity/angelhood or what he believes about it.

"Hit him over the head with one of his books" - why TF are people so bent on violence to Aziraphale? It's beginning to feel genuinely disturbing.

Also this is irrelevant, but I literally have no idea what the word "syllogism" is supposed to mean in that second sentence. It makes no sense there lol.

#good omens #goodomens #aziraphale #good omens 2 #badaziraphaletakes #goodomens2 #cw: abuse #cw: torture

[buckttommy]

how do you think Tommy would've reacted if he and Buck (or with Eddie too) had already been dating when Buck was hit by lightning?

absolutely just. filled with the kind of fear you don't even think exists until you're experiencing it and you find, oh. it's actually real after all and this is the worst thing i've ever felt and ever will feel. it's like. you know in books when they say "her heart stopped?" yeah his heart literally stopped. he'll swear it to the day he dies that something in him died the moment he got the call, heard eddie's broken, fragile fucking voice on the other end of the line and like. he's known eddie for quite some time at this point and he's never heard him like this and that's terrifying in its own right because eddie is both all the parts of the army that tommy threw away, and all the kindness tommy always had to fight for. he's his rock, basically, whereas buck (evan) is the sun and hearing your rock so fucking. shaky and terrified is such a surreal and nightmarish experience like you don't actually get it until you Get It.

so he gets in the car and breaks all kind of speed limits trying to get to the hospital and when he gets there and he gets eddie in his arms he swears on his life that something in him dies again in the half second between hearing the words "buck's heart stopped" and "but we were able to get him back" like. his boyfriend could be fine the next day and some small part of his brain would still always be right back in that moment where he learned buck died. like. there's no coming back from that, no matter how well things turn out because now he's been forced to reckon with this idea that it doesn't matter how good his life is going, like. someone he loves is going to die and he can't do anything to stop it and that's shit.

so. eddie is basically the same as he was in canon. very quiet. very grieving widower. very much so doing everything he can to just stay functional except tommy is there to pickup all the little pieces that fall. he gets christopher to and from school and he makes eddie go home and rest and he absolutely does Not think about the fact that buck died. he just keeps pushing forward, keeps pushing forward, holds onto eddie when he hits a wall and clings to and comforts him while he shakes and just tries to get himself to fucking look at him (not that tommy's judging. he can't look at evan either). and that's just how they survive until buck wakes up. and then. then tommy gets his moment. and he's so like. he's happy of course because buck is alive and apparently he's had this enormous revelation and blah blah blah, but tommy. tommy has spent the last three (?) days stressed beyond belief. he's exhausted and overstimulated and it's coming across as anger/irritation even though everyone knows that's the Last Thing he should be feeling.

but buck. buck sees right through him. of course he does. they lock eyes over the sea of people/loved ones between them and when buck kicks them out and holds out a hand for him to come closer, that's the moment where tommy's brain decides that actually we're going to have a breakdown about this now. and the hospital bed is, like, far too small for the two of them because they are both firefighters and are built like tanks. but that doesn't stop buck from making room for him and tugging him down beside him and holding him while he cries and finally releases all that pent up terror that's been turning his stomach for days. and then once that passes and tommy has kissed him (reminded himself he's still alive), eddie comes back in. and the hospital bed is definitely too small for the three of them but goddamnit if they aren't going to try so tommy gets behind buck, buck gets cosy so he's cradled in the space between his legs, and then eddie lays on his stomach, kind of half on buck and half on tommy, so that his head is resting on buck's abdomen. and i know in my soul those nurses are SICK of them when they come in to check on buck and are like ....what the hell.... because why are three grown men sleeping here??? but like. buck didn't die and in this moment everything is alright, and the nurses can fucking deal with it thank you very much

#I got this message when I was sitting in the supermarket parking lot and then immediately proceeded to get nauseous about it #jack answers mail #tv: 911 #bucktommy #buddietommy

[hurtspideyparker]

Why do you love Peter Parker? Do you think he deserves to be happy? (I want him to but no pressure, I’m just curious about what you think)

Peter Parker the light of my life, the gold in the sky and the glimmer at night, my inspiration, my gem, the ache in my heart.

I love Peter because for one he is so nerdy and sarcastic. I adore how quick-witted he is; like obviously he's a genius in physics and chemistry (and just in general), but being able to come up with funny remarks and stabbing insults while in the middle of a fight genuinely makes him so intelligent. And also when he uses his intellect IN a fight, like with Dr. Strange and geometry in the mirror dimension. Don't get me started on comic book Peter because he's created technology worth billions and at times outsmarted Tony Stark, Reed Richards, Hank Pym... he's just insane. 

I also just adore how geeky and awkward he is. He may be an insanely cool and beloved superhero but he also stutters when he talks to girls, geeks over Star Wars, and builds computers for fun. Peter Parker has superhuman reflexes but will also trip over his own feet. It's just incredibly endearing.

Personally I like Tom Holland's Peter the most because of how young and goofy he is. I want to see him be awkward, weird, shy, young, stupid. I enjoy seeing the contrast of inexperience and extreme power he possesses when in battle. It also makes the angst more delicious because that's a literal baby who's just been stabbed, crushed, beaten and bruised. 

The sheer New York of him too. Accent, attitude, proud and polite. He is a friendly neighbourhood hero! He watches out for the little guy! I feel like it's not something we see with many heroes. They usually focus on the big issues and major villains, but Peter is willing to help old ladies cross the street or prevent muggings. It's really sweet and simple. And when New York repays the favour? Top tier!!! He is the people's princess <3. I love that for him it's all worth it- every single person, citizen, problem. It's worth his time. 

Then there's his morality and self-control. One thing about Peter is that he's insanely strong and deadly. He's constantly holding himself back because he doesn't want to kill anybody. So in every fight not only is he battling the sensory overwhelm and keeping track of his enemies attacks, but he's also remembering to hold back his punches and kicks. He's vocally anti-murder and that's always been a really strong theme for him. It's what makes the moments where he does consider murder so much heavier. If a man who's constantly performing self-control and actively choosing to not do harm is pushed so far as to end a life? Terrifying. Peter chooses good over and over again; he spares the villain, sides with redemption, finds the solution- he chooses peace. I enjoy that for all the joyful, sweet, and bright energy he brings, there's this deep rageful darkness within him. The moments it shines through really remind us of how much wrath and trauma he really possesses.

In every universe Peter loses the things he loves most and still somehow keeps moving forward, finds the courage to still be Spider-Man. I think it says a lot about him that he can be beaten and broken so many times and still come out virtuous. His optimism, that hunger and responsibility for good? Just unmatched. So eager to do what's right that it ends up being his hamartia. It's actually pretty beautiful. 

And at the end of the day, Peter Parker is selfless. The hurt, loss, risks. All he does is give and give to make sure others are safe. He'll give up his own opportunities and happiness for the greater good every single time. He's an absolute sweetheart who will never pick himself. That's why I love Peter Parker.

So do I think he DESERVES happiness? UM, NOBODY DESERVES IT MORE THAN HIM. He's done so much for everyone, he's more than earned some happiness in return. He deserves to be happy and healthy for the rest of his life, to be at MIT with his best friends, in love, to have parental figures that DON'T DIE. 

Now do I WANT him to be happy... let's just say he looks really pretty in red and blue.

I want my man bloody and bruised, red rimmed eyes and voice cracking over tears. He's my favourite person in the universe and unfortunately for him I love angst so... yes I want him happy so he can then be sad again >:). No but seriously he deserves to be happy but bro can not catch a break (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

#peter parker #spider man #anon #ask #vibrates out of my skin because I love talking about peter parker ty anonie <3 #spiderman #marvel mcu

[marygih]

Now I'm terrified that Ransom's next book will be about Abe. Birds, no, please no. I couldn't bear to read the world through Jacob's eyes, imagine seeing the world through Abe's point of view? He is literally the beta version of Jacob.

Throughout the books, everything we learn about Abe is: He was a good person, he helped a lot of people, but he failed a lot of everyone who ever loved him. He was an absent father, a bad husband, a bad boyfriend, and apparently was not a very easy quirky child to deal with (Whenever Jacob does something bad and inconsequential, Miss P says the same thing: I should have seen it coming, your grandfather would do the same) Besides, he spends a lot of time without communicating with Miss P and his friends. He just didn't fail as a grandfather because Jacob was peculiar like him. I really doubt that Abe would be this incredible and present grandfather if Jacob was normal like Franklin. He failed to protect Jacob, and I'm not saying that because he died, but because Golam was in Jacob's life for a long time and Abe was alive, and he never suspected anything,Golam had a million opportunities to kill Jacob while Abe was "protecting his grandson." Jacob is only alive to live the adventures of mphfpc because Caul wanted him alive. Abe's protection was being useless.

I'm just fed up with Jacob, fed up with Portmans in general. Abe has so many flaws that his qualities hardly make up for anything.

I don't mind him appearing in a new story, but I definitely couldn't bear to read a story with him being the protagonist and the world being summarized by his first-person narration.

I really hope that "whatever's coming" is either a brand new story, or something mphfpc related that is also brand new. I want new characters to love and hate.New adventures, new iconic villains. Anything Ransom creates will be extraordinary.

#ransom riggs #peculiar #mphfpc #miss peregrines home for peculiar children #jacob portman #abraham portman

[kurosstuff]

Hello! I do have a writing account, I just have a terrible habit of going anon that I've been trying to break out of. Also I must warn you that I currently don't have any Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss works and probably won't for a while since I've got too many fics in other fandoms that I need to finish first.

Anyway, here's the promised horror-esq Rosie POV

Rosie sat with you in the backroom of her emporium. She hoped you wouldn't mind the light dust that coated the shelves or the cobwebs that littered the ceiling above but this was the only area in the entire store were no one could see you with her. Normally she would be proud to be seen with her lover on her arm but it seemed that you had failed to pick up on her attraction and without a confirmation, she was beginning to feel rather territorial towards you.

She could see the faint trembling of your shoulders. Where you cold? No. It must be nerve. She silently slid her much larger hand across the table and incapacitated your own. Don't think she didn't notice the way you ceased your trembling as she brushed a soothing thumb over your fragile knuckles. You need not worry, she knew that it only would take a little bit excess pressure to mangle your limb beyond use but she had no intention on doing so, all she intended to do was hold your hand. And oh how wonderful your hand felt in hers. She could feel the light tremors of your tendons fighting against the urge to run away, they pulsed so rhythmically, it was as if she could feel your plump, red heart beat through your very finger tips. It was sensation that made her heart swoon all on its own, its such a shame that she couldn't hold the that beautiful muscle of yours without it halting its exquisite thumping.

You couldn't look her directly in the eye. You were afraid of her, weren't you? You were smart if you were. Love and hunger was a thin line that Rosie walked regularly, she was known throughout Hell for being a heartless monster who ate her lover once the excitement faded.

Was that what she was to you? A monster? She could be if you wanted her to be. She could be the monster who waits patiently under your bed, nibbling the fingers you carelessly drape off your bed. Or she could be the beast who relentlessly stalked, pouncing onto with gnashing teeth and scratching claws once you were finally cornered. She could be what ever terrifying nightmare being you wanted her to be, she wouldn't judge, there is alot of things her past lovers could call her but none of them could ever say she wasn't accommodating.

Of course that was a conversation for once you two became official, which would hopefully happen tonight if you accepted her invite. She had been looking forward to this night in weeks, reservations were booked long ago, too long ago. She couldn't wait for tonight, she licked her teeth as she imagined all the tasty morsels you would feed eachother but you have to be careful with those brittle digits of yours or else she might just have a small taste of you too.

The sharp inhalation you took made her realise that you caught her in motion. She chuckled to herself as she produced a thin handkerchief from her skirt pocket, drooling in front of your current potentially suiter wasn't exactly very ladylike behaviour.

She dabbed at her lip with the one square of fabric. She hoped you wouldn't mind her keeping it, it was a gift from a past suitor who graciously gave it to her on their anniversary, the blood on it was less willingly given by them on a later date but Rosie was a sentimental fool who couldn't part with such things. She wondered what gifts you'll leave behind.

"I'm sorry, dear," She smiled as she lowered the handkerchief from her face, she watched as you spine went ridged as her eyes finally met yours, "I'm just looking forward to dinner tonight."

Her thumb laid flat against the back of your hand. "Care to join me?"

OOOO OMF'HELL YEAH-

GOD. tbh horror fics are so much fun to write about

RHIS IS SO GOOD- I read some of youe other fics too! I really like how you write! Its amazing!! Your a really good writer♡♡

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin rosie #hazbin hotel rosie #rosie x reader #not my writing

[discotitsposts]

there’s no place like home season 7

gonna tell u rn this is one of reid’s finest moments

spillers ahead

-

i like this ep a lot

the feeling of watching this one while it’s storming is elite

dudes a storm chaser lol

awww will and jj

rossi gonna regret not taking the time off

that’s so nice they made a donation to ALS in carolyn’s name :)

tornados fascinate me

reid looks so good help

wheels up in 30‼️‼️

I LOVE THE NATIONAK WEATHER SERVICE SOUND UGH BEEEEEP

love storms yayy

LOL the plane shaking

reid my beloved

rossi’s scared lol

LOL when reid’s talking about turbulence

LOL PULVERIZED

reid can pulverize me pls

don’t accept beer nd weed from strangers kids or they might take u and take ur body parts to put their dead brother back together in the middle of a tornado

reid stop being sexy challenge

oops he lost right away

tornados are so destructive but so beautiful when photographers get them on camera

can u imagine getting the message that a violent tornado is in your area that must be terrifying

ew body parts

so the unsub is dr frankenstein

i feel bad for jj she has to be that far away when her kid is rlly sick she can’t leave bc of the storm then :(

hotch is such a nice understanding boss

SPENCERRRRR THE WAY HE TKWJW IS EIRIWBEWHNWM

he speaks so fast i love it

my sweet little rambler

i wonder if this episode is not only based on a real case but like how common is this one like r there actually amateur dr frankensteins

lol garcia being grossed out

rossi LMAO THE SHADE

garcia: reid you scare me

rossi: join the club

REIDS FACE ADTER AHAHHAH

whoooohoo rain and thunder

bro kidnapped him and his wondering why he’s trying to leave

i’m so tired

that’s smart to hide in a drainage pipe

REID IN THE DARK RUFF RUFF BARK BARK BARK BARK

hJhwjejdjakwsmHWHEOSOWJRNE beautiful

reid figuring it out

how the hell the kid supposed to drink a beer if his mouth taped shut

he should say yeah and then bite him

ok but “the delusion will completely take over” is so funny bc my spencer delusion has

bros like no i don’t fucking remember bc i’m not ur brother

storm chasing fbi agents!!!

lol playing chicken what reid

garcia the guide

isn’t there two tornados

my god the way reid talks is just so attractive i love the way he speaks pls talk to me forever spencer

bros playlist is fire ngl

run

“it’s all good” dudes gonna chop his head off

“who r they” the hottest fbi agents

REIDDD

the way he yells ugh

they saved him!

how did they film this? with like high powered fans ?

bro walked into a tornado

i wanna be in a storm shelter with reid

doesn’t jj tell a story to henry aww

i love that her actual son played her son on the show that’s so cute

i see why she did an audio book recently her voice is rlly soothing i almost fell asleep

that was relaxing

goodnight

the end

#criminal minds #spencer reid #mgg #criminal minds rewatch #matthewgraygubler

[wisebeth]

why does the pjo series have to unnecessarily villainize goddesses (hera & athena) or show them as silly ladies (aphrodite & demeter) BUT posiedon and apollo are somehow shown as the coolest/most likeable gods, even though arguably, they're right after zeus on terms of corruption?

ares shown as the worst god after zeus and hera amuses me. last time i checked, he was the patron god of amazons and literally killed a man for attempting to rape his daughter but guess who cursed women for rejection? apollo. guess who raped women when they said no (aside from zeus)? posiedon.

#all the gods and goddesses in the greek mythology are flawed in their own way #it doesn't make sense why the books were so unnecessarily biased towards certain gods? #it bothers me specifically that hera and athena are SO unnecessarily painted as villains #while posiedon is ‘cool’ dad ‘great’ lover ‘decent’ god ‘reasonable’ than other olympians #i get it he's the main character's father of a children's fantasy novel so rick painted him in a good light #but my man? then why are you painting other gods who are arguably just as bad as him as WORSE #shut up i feel strongly about it #i love the percy jackson series #but i hate how the gods are portrayed #is trials of apollo a good series? yes #does it make sense why he's shown as a human-like god with redemption arc #while hera is reduced to ‘evil stepmom’ and ‘bitch to annabeth’ even if apollo is JUST as bad as her? #no #and aphrodite is not some ‘silly fangirl’ whose personality revolves around shipping percabeth #she is powerful terrifying and cunning who can bestow some of worst revenge on those who offend her #demeter is not a silly crop goddess #her love for her daughter was so strong it almost ended the world and destroyed mankind #shes in charge of harvest and agriculture without her humanity will starve to death #shes just as powerful as the big-3 or at least she should be #posiedon is not this cool perfect rational god #medusa would disagree demeter would disagree pasiphae would disagree odysseus would disagree #apollo cursed women posiedon raped yet ares killed a rapist BUT nooo let's make ares the bad one #percy jackson #rr crit #greek mythology #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo

[sunnnfish]

“If you just do everything you’re supposed to do you’ll eventually end up where you need to be.” Infinity train book 4 you fuck me up so bad still. “You can mess up even if you stand still…” MIN-GI PARK…..

#ITS SOOOOO GOOD… #he’s fucking. just like me for real #GOD. relationships with family and friends and like. I DONT HAVE THE WORDS FOR IT RIGHT NOW #and how like personal problems and biases can effect your relationships #and how little things about someone can build up and bottle up and it’s like you love them and hate them at the same time #and about standing still versus rushing ahead #the weight of expectations. one trying to run away one just trying to do as he’s told #and they both think they knows what’s best. for themselves for each other #rymin is so much more than a ship to me. it’s about complexities and best friendship and knowing someone your whole life #and how extremely fucked up that can be #head in my hands punches the wall explodes #infinity train #book 4 #rymin #sunnfish.txt #min gi park is like if hanzawa masato was a lot less eccentric and a lot more angry. same core though #sorry also just like. what a justified anger it is #min gi has molded himself to what his parents want him to be his whole life #he tries and wants to be with Ryan. but it’s so fucking terrifying to him #that amount of change and freedom. #sorry. sorry #okay. I’m going #WAIT. also thinking about the whole. abandonment issues. aaaaauuuuu #rewatching rn and #not even at the art gallery car episode yet but I’m thinking about it. you LEFT me.

[dramatic-dolphin]

sometimes i think about when after my hs graduation banquet we asked our math teacher to share what she though of us individually in the past few years, and she said i "seemed surprisingly violent sometimes, with an aura of repressed rage" or something like that, and i had to physically hold myself back from saying "that's because i fucking hated you and your classes"

#😭😭 she went “you'd slam your book on the table after class sometimes and it was surprising because usually you were so apathetic” #and i just Knew that was because she did something that really-- hm there's no good english word for felbaszott #whereas the apathy was bc of my clinical depression #i DID tell her that & also that i love math but did Not enjoy her classes #and she went “well i know not everyone gels well with my teaching style” #um. terrifying students is not a 'teaching style' 👍

[pastafossa]

Hit up a used bookstore today. I'm looking for old illustrations, basically, to collage into my junk journal style binder. Hopefully coming from books that would otherwise wind up in the garbage.

Had two interesting finds today!

The first: a book from the 70s about healthy herbs. Whoever owned it underlined a TON of stuff under slippery elm and mallow root (sore throat maybe?). They also left behind two things: a pressed leaf, and a fairly recent looking baby photo, used as a bookmark! Maaaaybe not the best choice for a bookmark. Has some nice illustrations!

Second: an even older book about herbal remedies, that appears to have once been a Catholic school library book in Buffalo, NY, though originally printed in London! It's still got its library card with names and everything, and some sort of like... Mary prayer card (idk, I'm not a Catholic, I just write one). I'm not sure how old it is (I think from 1950, the printing date is like... roman numerals?), but let's just say kids at the school were reading this book before my parents were even born. Interestingly, the only page with a fold or note in it is, again, slippery elm (follklore: ends pregnancies; coincidence at a catholic school?). It's got beautiful illustrations though, in between hilarious rants about girls PAINTING THEIR NAILS GREEN HOW SCANDALOUS and some... interesting remedies that I wouldn't really trust anymore. 😂

#i love old books because i love seeing what people were focusing on #the first book someone REALLY I'm guessing #wanted to treat a sore throat issue #although idk why the baby pic. but the leaf is cool! #maybe I should post the pic in my secondhand group and see if the owner's out there somewhere #the second book's library card was neat! #and the remedies were either hilarious or terrifying #i did bust up when she was just SHOCKED SHOCKED I SAY over some girl's green nails #either way it was a win i think #good stuff for my journal that might otherwise have gone unused!

[remyfire]

The ADHD waiting room is hell

#not doing great at all! #not feeling good in any way shape or form! #very scared actually! #terrified of my life falling to pieces! #which means that ofc i am just sitting here waiting for confirmation that either the day is gonna get worse or be redeemed #instead of writing or talking to people or watching things that make me feel good or reading books or tidying my space #or literally anything that might possibly make me feel better in any possible form or fashion #but i Cannot because i Don't Know Yet whether things will be Okay or Not and so i have to Wait #and logically knowing that that is just a facet of my various mental illnesses is not helping me actually unclench my muscles and go do shi #love that i have a lifetime of therapists going 'wow you're so self-aware' but not giving me any mechanisms #to assist me with the things that i am very aware of #my ramblings

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

#im a rambling sam #I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work #idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably #I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go #one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today #I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this #I can #but god I don’t know #in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it #just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here #but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I #I don’t know how to step into it #sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to #start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think #we probably would’ve gotten along #but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp #idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage #little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window #I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time #when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked #and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me #and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head #now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest #when I talk to myself I’m talking to her #I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then #the assurance I still need now #I am here for her so I am here for myself #this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

It's dead af at work. We got through our four reservations and have had no walk ins, and my manager won't cut me because he hates doing my job (and we're friends and he knows I need the money) and tbh I don't want to be cut (can't really afford to be) but I'm actually going insane from sitting on my stool, going through Tumblr, Insta, Kindle, then standing up and going through those apps again, then sitting down and going through those apps again, etc. it's nice to get paid to do nothing, because tbh if I was cut then I'd just be doing this but in my bed, but I'm getting so fucking restless.

#truly im unneeded rn #my other manager gave me the option to be cut before my shift even started but again. I'm broke af #so i came in. and im getting paid $15 an hour to scroll through all of my apps #and im trying to be mildly productive #trying to do some resding because i didnt resd as much as i wanted this month #to make up for it i finished three books in the last two days and im going for a fourth #one of them i had already started. one was pretty short. and one was so good that i tore through it fast #this is a more difficult story. about a school shooting. not super fun but a good story nonetheless #you ever read a book and then want to forget it so you can read it for the first time again? #i just read jumper by Melanie Crowder and it was so good. although apparently the diabetes information isnt accurate #but the story was very very good and kept me interested the whole way #the problem with this school shooting story is that its good. it draws my attention. but its understandably very hard to read #fourteen ish minutes until my paycheck goes through and then i find out if i can pay rent this month #that's part of why im restless too. nervous about paying rent. my job hours are unpredictable and so are the paychecks #i think ill be okay but as always im terrified that it wont #anyway im in a bit of a reading rut. if you hsve any book recs (not a big fan of fantasy. generally like realistic fiction. ya. lgbt) #that type of stuff. like jumper. the Miseducation of Cameron Post. message not found. stuff like that #open to recommendations #love yall. i hope you all have more thsn enough money to pay rent

[inklingofadream]

in general, I think sexuality becoming more acceptable to write and write about is great

but man, has the switch from reading some 50s and 60s sci fi to a book from the 1980s got me rethinking that. those love interests weren't necessarily portrayed *well*, but this is ridiculous

#i'm terrified i'm going to get to the end of the book and it'll just be that this was it. this is how apparently it goes #or this is all a hallucination as he dies from getting a concussion by having sex in a capsule hotel. no that'd be good nvm #if it turns out she's playing him i take most of it back also #it's just SO out there i'm doubting that's what's going to happen #bc it'd be one of the Things ppl told you about the book. like i have a hard time envisioning the places i've seen talking about it #leaving out satirizing its contemporaries' love interests and sex scenes. #these are the actions of an extraterrestrial and i deserve to have been warned if they don't turn out to be the author's idea of human wome #ink post #rambling

[depresseddepot]

the hollow places by t kingfisher was fucking terrifying

#i read kingfisher first through their fantasy books (the clocktaur series is one of my favorite books ever written) #and ive read a LOT of their books now #so their writing style feels comforting almost #and i read a house with good bones a couple weeks ago and it was great #but this book was fucking terrifying #very very well written but i am going to have trouble sleeping in the coming weeks #some horror books are fun bc the fear is separate from you. like if i read a scifi horror book set in the year 4500 w flying cars etc #the fear is still there but it is separate from me #the idea that i could knock a hole into drywall and have such horrible terrible awful things happen is. god it makes me nauseous #if you've ever heard of the backrooms its a little bit like that. but things move in your vision #and they're in the 6th dimension or whatever so you can't see them but they can see you #fucking hell. what a terrifying book #i just finished it and am sitting alone in a dark room so maybe ill have different thoughts later #but it was so scary that i almost think i didn't enjoy it #like. if i read slower i might've had a panic attack lol #what a terrifying but phenomenal piece of writing. god i love t kingfisher SO MUCH